Club Random with Bill Maher - Cheech and Chong | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: October 6, 2024

Bill Maher credits legendary comedy duo Cheech and Chong as pioneers who brought a certain culture around a certain plant that Bill enjoys very much into the mainstream comedy scene. They touch upon the challenges and joys of performing together over the years and Tommy Chong’s time in prison, historical figures like Timothy Leary and the impact of government actions on personal freedoms. And they shed light on the birth of Cheech and Chong and how an accidental meeting led to one of the great comedy collaborations of all time. Go to https//www.oneskin.co to get started today with 15% OFF using code RANDOM, today! Go to https://www.PublicRec.com and get 20% OFF with the code RANDOM  Follow Club Random on IG: @ClubRandomPodcast Follow Bill on IG: @BillMaher Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/ClubRandom Watch Club Random on YouTube: https://bit.ly/ClubRandomYouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I want to start a campaign that T-Singtong should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the Comedy Hall of Fame. I realized because I'm a comedian I can entertain the better myself okay I have people I cannot believe I get to talk to oh I'm so how are you compelling thank you I don't know what to say. It's, what a day. As you can see, I dressed up for you. I don't usually, I know.

You did, man. You look very cool. Well, just because I feel like I- And we come, we're geeks wearing gifts. Me too, and of course I'm nervous it will live up to the approval of the gods. But, you know, I stand on your shoulders in many ways. As a comedian of some years who has among my bag of tricks certainly traded on my reputation for enjoying

marijuana a lot and had a zillion lines and jokes that work because that was, but that all came from you. You guys did that first, you did it best, you are the OGs of that. No extra charge. I... I... You're doing good. Okay.

Don't be an issue that he's got bad knees. Yeah, I got bad. Well, I think... Jump on me, I'm... Okay, but like, look, for those, many in this country who've said, and some still do, that marijuana isn look, for those, many in this country who've said and some still do that marijuana isn't good for you, I would say you guys look great and you guys are old. Yeah, really.

He's older. I mean, like, I'm old, but you're really old. And you're still here and you look healthy. What does that say about the wacky weed? For two. By the way, no one who is a real stoner would ever say wacky weed. That one is good for two. For two. By the way, no one who is a real stoner would ever say wacky weed. I would just like it.

Am I right? Yeah, you're right. We like short things. So yeah, I started smoking when I was 19. Yeah? Wow. Where are you from originally? New Jersey.

Oh, you're a Jersey guy Oh, you're a Jersey guy Yeah, I started in 19 to I feel that was better because You know, first of all kids shouldn't do drugs. Yeah, we can all agree on that, right? Sure What's your little enthusiasm about it? I told my kids, listen, if you're going to do drugs, replace them. That's what I told them. You know, it's funny you mentioned that because sometime in the 80s, hanging out with a group of people and one night your daughter was in the mix. Which one?

Really? She was so much fun and she was awesome. And I remember her saying, like, I'm going to do drugs. hanging out with a group of people, and one night your daughter was in the mix. She was so much fun, she was awesome. And I remember her saying, yeah, I don't smoke pot anymore, my father's kinda disappointed in me. Yeah, that's true.

Is RD? And I remember thinking, whatever parents do, the kids will rebel. Yeah, no matter what. You want them not to smoke pot? Be Tommy John. Exactly. Yeah, both of them.

So your show's doing well, man. Very good, everything is good. Oh, this one? Well, you know, again, I owe you such a debt because you made this possible in many ways that I could have a show, I guess podcasts or shows. I certainly don't run it like a show or my show or anything but my life.

I mean, I was always doing this anyway on a Wednesday afternoon. But just the fact that I can have a second show, because I sure wouldn't get stoned for real time with all the politicians and stuff. My god. But that I can do it here, and it's accepted. I mean, we've come a long way.

A long way in a short? A long way. Comparatively short time, yeah. I mean, you even did time, right? Yeah. He went to the Rock. Yeah, in fact, you came... We did a Pauly Shore roast at the Comedy Store.

And you came down to hear... I'd just gotten out of jail, and Bill came down, he wanted to hear me on stage with Pauly Shore, and it was short, it was, you know, because it was Pauly Shore. What are you gonna say? What year is this? Do not try to apprehend this man. 2004.

Because I have zero recollection. I got out of jail. Maybe they're right about have zero recollection. I got out of jail. Maybe they're right about that with the plot. I got out of jail. It was just one moment. And why did you go? You were selling bongs or some shit? No, I went in for, yeah, because my company was selling bongs.

See, I just don't my company was selling bombs. See, I just don't think that would happen today. You know, the right DA in the right town, it can happen. Really? Yeah, that's what it was. Maybe I'm being sanguine about it, but like... No, they had a hit on me. A hit?

The Bush family. To kill you? No, no, to... He was invading Iraq, and so they needed some sort of hippie bullshit. Oh, I see. Wag the dog. Yeah. They wanted to wag the dog.

So they attacked me, and they sentenced me on 9-11. Really? That's when they sentenced me, on 9-11. On 9-11? And they expected a big protest, you know? And then one guy showed up with a sign saying, free marijuana. Free marijuana.

One guy. Was he giving it away? No one figured that one out. That's genius. That's why it's so good. Yeah. That's a scream. Yeah.

Free marijuana. And that was it. And. But that's a scream. Yeah. Free marijuana. And that was it. And the judge, Schwartz was his name. And he had a reputation of doing whatever the Bush people want to done. And so that's why he was given my thing. When I went to court, they were saying things. They were reading off the charges.

And I'm trying to be as honest as I can. And when they said that I own the company, I had to correct them and say, no, I don't. And so they had to stop the whole proceeding. And say, well, just a minute, we agree that you're going to plead guilty. And so they were doing this. It's so Soviet.

So Soviet, right? That's what it was. They needed a face for their campaign because they were going after paraphernalia on the internet. Right. And they needed a face for it. Right. Enter the face.

And the fact that the name Chong didn't help. on the internet, and they needed a face for it. Enter the face. And the fact that, and the name Chong didn't help. Because when they see Chong right away, they think Chinese. Yeah, that's what I think. Yeah, and that's what the court and everybody else. And so when they're going after someone, Chong was perfect

And you think they wanted to get Chinese more than well the the Chinese name didn't help And who is this guy? But all the Chinese always come up to him. How come your name chong? I don't know if even the bushes were going after the Chinese. I don't know I don't know if even the Bushes were going after the Chinese in 2004. I mean, China, the country, I've complained about this many times on my other show. I don't want to get too political, but one of the problems with the left, I think, is that they see everything through the prism of race. So they're way too easy on China, which does horrible fucking things. All over, all the time.

Horrible illiberal, dictatorial, anti-freedom, anti-human things. They would run over a guy with a tank. On TV. Yes, for real. They would? They'd run over a guy with a tank. Yeah, they did.

Right. Right, yes. But, you know, because it could be seen as racist, they wouldn't say, for example, that the COVID virus escaped from a lab. And it wasn't even accusing China of doing it on purpose. Which you could. It's possible.

I don't think it was. But I do think it escaped from a lab. Yeah. I mean. Or a wet market. That's the other possibility. That's the other possibility. And it could be that.

And it could be. But I have a feeling in 50 years, people will look back and they will say, wait a minute. I wasn't around at the time. Are you telling me that the virus escaped from the one place in China that was working on the virus. And people at the time were like debating. I feel it will look obvious.

Yeah. But anyway, Chang, getting back to your story, so they wanted to get you for so many things. Chinese, but they did. Chinese, but mostly distraction. Yeah. Yeah. Do you harbor bitterness toward the Bush family?

No. No? No, it was a life changer for me. No, it was, well, I had hung with Timothy Leary. And Tim... I did too. You know Lee. I did, too. You know that chair over there? Yeah.

You see that chair? Yeah. That's a chair that Timothy Leary burned a hole in with a cigarette at a Christmas party I had. So ruined the chair, so he signed it. And now it's an art piece. This is great.

Well, hey, works out great. He was a good buddy of ours. We hung out with him. Oh, I'll bet. Yeah, yeah. Well, we put him high to the end. We, Hank works out great. He was a good buddy of ours. We hung out with him a lot. Oh, I'll bet. Well, we put him high to the end. We put him in our movie, and then we became really good friends. In fact, he was going on the road,

and he was like, we're like road comics. I'd see him in the... Every once in a while, I'd see him in the airport, and that, you know, anyway, I was a road treat, you know. We were like road comics, but... What a life he had. Like, you know, anyway, I was a road treatin' ya, you know. We were like road comics, but. What a life he had.

Like, back in the day, before I knew him, and I didn't know him as well as you, but like, the documentary, I mean, the women and the drugs and the fighting the government and that being on the lam. Yeah, on the lam. I mean, it was a spy movie of a life. Escaping from prison. Escaping from the prison, hand over hand on the wire. You, on the lam. I mean, it was a spy movie of a life. Escaping from prison. Escaping from the prison, hand over hand, on the wire.

Right, on a telephone wire. Why doesn't somebody make a movie? Here's a guy who's a Harvard professor, wrote 26 books and was in 26 prisons around the world. I don't know anybody with that. He was in that many prisons? Yeah, yeah. Oh my God.

It kept getting out. He was the one that convinced me that prison was kind of cool. Because he told me, he told me, he said, I was the greatest time. He says, go write, then go play tennis. Talk to Charlie Manson in the next cell. Is this just...

Hot. What do you think I'm giving you? I know, it's like taking a little lesson from Paganini to smoke with you, but... Don't die. Okay. You've had it before. I was worried there might be some tobacco in it. Oh, never.

Oh, no, no, no, no. No, I only get, I only allowed to, that one is from my friend Todd McCormick. Yeah, no, no, no, no. No, I only get pod, I only allow to, that one is from my friend Todd McCormick, a... Yeah, I know Todd. Of course you do, a major figure in the pod movement and also did Time. I only get pod from him and my other friend Boris, they, you know, I tell them, I just want something clean

because, you know, you're in the pot business, right? I mean, think pesticides, fungus. Yeah, all that stuff. I mean, it's probably not great for our bodies to be putting smoke in them. No, probably not. Right. I mean, just common sense. Chinese feel that it's okay. Oh, always with the Chinese. I'm kidding.

5,000 years ago. Maybe that's where the virus came from. 5,000 years ago, they wrote in the I Ching that they used cannabis to combat cancer. Because back in the day, the emperors, the emperors paid the doctors to keep them healthy. But if they got sick, and they, for one reason, died, they would kill the doctors. You know, that's an extreme version.

But that model is something that not only is discussed as something we should do, but we should do. We should incentivize health. Keep the patient healthy, you get more money. Don't do that and we kill you. I like the Chinese model. You know what? I like it.

I like it. You know that the Chinese invented the penis? The penis? They at first used it as a cooking utensil. They did not figure out what to do with it for quite a while. But the Chinese, I'm telling you, it's always about the Chinese. Baseball too.

Because they said that the one boy rule, that practically ruined their whole thing. One child rule for a long time. For a long time. But you weren't actually born in China, right? No. Your family moved from Peking. No, my dad was born.

Actually, my dad was born in Vancouver, Canada. A lot of big Asian community there. But his dad was born in China. And it was his dad, my grandfather, that was tradition. And my grandfather, that was tradition. And my grandfather, of course, sure he had a lot of money because he had a couple of families. Like my dad, it was his Canadian family

that I was part of. Yeah, because my grandfather, you know, he was typical rich Chinese. In fact, my dad told me that they had a young girl living on the floor mat, the welcome mat. It was so poor back then, you know, that homeless would live if they found any place. I didn't mean to laugh.

Yeah, but that's what I see. She went from P to A, Yeah, but that's really like... She went for P.D.D., man. Yeah. That's right. That's hysterical. Geez. Chinese, I learned everything about Chinese from him. They didn't even give him bail.

No. No. Off daddy? It was a flight risk. I mean... No, they wouldn't torture that far. He offered up... Well, he seems to have done some very bad things. Yeah, well... But this happens often. Harvey Weinstein, I mean, you think about Epstein, people who are living these amazing

lives, a little too amazing, you know, in some way. Well, there's a little Catholic priest in there. Yes little too amazing. Yeah. You know, in some way. Okay. Well, there's a little Catholic priest in there. Yes, that too. And then suddenly you're in a jail cell. I mean... Clang. I asked him this question. What was the worst, I mean, when you knew you were in jail, and this is when that door went clang.

I heard the lock. And the lock turned. I heard that clink. You must hear guys crying. And then I, oh, there was a few, yeah. There was guys crying, but it was a camp, more than anything, you know. It was like a lawyer's camp, you know.

But more lawyers. You didn't emerge from this experience with the need for three fingers in your asshole when you have sex. Can I put it that way? I mean, is it? He was like, let's put it that way. No, I got there with the old guys. There's old guys walking around with foam cushions. And when it, when he left, he gave me... Foam cushions? He gave me this foam cushion. Because there's no soft place to sit in prison.

All the benches are cemented. Oh, I thought you were going to say foam cushion because the anal sex makes your ass so sore. Well, that, too. These guys... Anal sex was like a memory. Funny thing, if they just gave out the foam cushion as you entered, you got your uniform was like a memory. If they just gave out the foam cushion as you entered,

you got your uniform and your sure foam cushion, you will be getting fucked in the ass and we had a small pamphlet on how to use it. This prison was so kind of isolated that they didn't have any fences. And they'd run all the, run, keep running. Go, good luck to you. And because they knew where the guys that tried to do that,

they knew where they were at every step of the way. Because they were so old? No, it's so far, there's nothing around. It's in the middle of the fucking desert. I mean, that's the only thing out there. They just, it was made for the Watergate guys. Originally it was a woman's prison. It was a woman's prison. And then all the Watergate guys. Halderman, Ergum, and all those guys. Originally, it was a... Oh, is that women's prison? Is it women's prison? And then all the Watergate guys.

All the men, all those guys. So women, white collar and potheads. Yeah, I know. Well, they ran out of... Troublesome if you're going to go down the scale of monsters. They never had enough women. And the great thing about it is that they had their own water tower. So we had unlimited showers.

Unlimited showers. And that's a great perk if you're a prison writer. You're in jail? Yeah, that's rare. You can have 45 an hour shower? I spent a night in the Beverly Hills jail, a DUI in 1992. I'm not proud of.

But I was barely over the limit, both with the speeding and with the drinking. But I was wearing, at the time, leopard shoes, which I feel might have influenced the officer as to what this asshole is. Leopard shoes, I just cannot. So OK. This asshole is fucked. Yeah. What for? Fuck a living. I just cannot. So, okay.

But, uh. That's funny. But, uh. What was I going to say? What were we talking about? How was the showers? Oh, Beverly Hills Jail, yeah. So, it is sobering.

I mean, of course, this is the Beverly Hills Jail. I ordered raisin toast, no raisins. I mean, the room service was like an hour. The air conditioning made a noise. I mean, it was, I said, could I be moved to another cell? And then it was like, oh, we're doing construction. Oh, but you still put me in the jail cell. Oh, you can't get a good jail cell these days. And there was nothing on the SpectreVision.

There is the reality of jail too, though, man. We got busted in Tampa for obscenity right after Jim Morris showed his wiener. Morrison. Jim Morrison. Yeah, Jim Morrison showed his wiener. Everybody got busted in this hall. So they had a scam where they had put up,

you had to put up $5,000 performance bond, and if you broke it, the hall owner got to keep the $5,000. And we got arrested. And so we got arrested, put in Tampa, Florida jail. And Cheech and I, we just got off stage. They took us right off stage, took us to jail. And so we still had that performer kind of vibe going. And so-

Well, this is a different one from you. Yeah, so we're in- Oh, look at that. We're in the cell and we're both being funny. Cheech was kind of bugging the guard, one guard. He's telling the guard, oh, Jiltindi, Jiltindi, do you have some pink toilet tissue?

And there was quite a crowd of people in there for a minute, then all of a sudden, everybody disappeared. Remember? And the guy that Cheech was saying, oh, Jiltindi, he was about to, and he points that Cheech was saying, oh, Jilteddy, he was about to, and he pointed to Cheech, you, come with me.

Jilteddy. All I heard as he left was, my dad's a LAPD. And then the steel doors closed, the phonies dented all over. This is a different one than Tampa. No, that's mine. I know. That's me.

I know it was. That's me, and it's half. Oh, it's half? That's me and Taff. So great to have those kind of memories and still have each other. You know? Very often you have one or the other.

It defies odds, man. It really does. And also for the fans, I tellies odds, man. It really does. And also for the fans, I tell you, same thing of course with bands, we really, it's the best thing when the band still likes each other. First of all, it's so rare.

What's rare with us too? I mean, we hate each other. And then we have peers. Really? Yeah, we like each other, but we always like each other. But we hate each other for a period of time. Well, you look like you like each other tonight. And, you know, I don't know what the fights were about, but usually nothing.

Whenever I'm asked this with musicians, the consensus I've gotten, why bands fight, two things. You didn't like my song, you took the girl. Yeah. Yeah. That's what teams fight about. He didn't like my joke. Yeah.

With us, I wouldn't let him in the door. What? What do you mean? Come on, man, let me in. Oh, they're very... But, I mean, when I was just thinking about getting into comedy, I mean, there was... Steve Martin was a rock star and you guys were rock stars.

But, I mean, that's rare on the comedy level. Very rare. But I remember you guys playing the Hollywood Bowl. You know, I mean, just rock star. We opened for the Rolling Stones one time at the Forum. That was great. Yeah. It was a Nicaraguan benefit.

And we had, I think our first album was out. And we had like a Christmas... It was our first on stage in LA. Yeah, in LA. And so we're at the Forum opening for the Stone. I just remembered going out and saying, what the fuck? This is the biggest stage I've ever seen in my life.

And how was the crowd? Great. Act, jam. Yeah, but they were OK with comedy? Yeah, yeah. We had hit records at that time. They were nuts. They loved it so much.

Oh, good. Because they never had rock and roll. They had sometimes rock crowds. they're not up for comedy. They didn't come to see comedy. Trust me, I've had stuff thrown at me. We used to make sure that we had a folk singer open for us, because the audience would hate the folk singer so much. By the time we got out there, we were like kings.

But it backfired on us. And one time, Bruce Springsteen was gonna open for Cheech and Char. But he said, but he had a band. He put a band together. And so he called the agent and said, is it okay, Bruce Springsteen must know if it's okay if he debuts his band. And we said, yeah, of course.

So what is it, E Street, what do they call it? Well, I think you should never fight again. Oh. You're too old. There's no girls. There's no, you know. And you know, when you have a sentimental attachment with the audience, it's just a great thing to have in your pocket. Oh, yeah.

You know, I've always been a lone wolf. Yeah. Like, more than most, like, never had a sidekick. Mm-hmm. Never got married. Yeah. Lone. It's just- Never got married? Not. It's just.

Never got married? Not to my recollection. Why you say that like it's weird? Well, for us it is. Why? Because we've been married a bunch of times. Really? Yeah, me three, him two.

But doesn't the wife get jealous of the partner? And they feel like... Depends on which wife it is. I did something that no comedian before me had done before. Oh, yeah. And no comedian has done since. What is that? For good reasons.

I put my wife in the show. Oh. I did. Well... She was my partner. OK. She was my partner for 10 years. George Burns did it. It worked she was my partner. Okay. She was my partner for a year. George Burns did it, and it worked pretty well for him. Yeah.

It's not like it can't work. And Ricky and Lucy. Ricky and Lucy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it worked. It worked for us. Oh, it did.

And then when Cheech came back, then when Cheech and I got back together again, you know, my wife, she read the riot act, you're not gonna leave me. And you did? I said, okay, darling, you win. And so it was Cheech and Chong and Shelby for the last, our last. Yeah, she would open the show, she had a little set to, you know.

And you're okay with it? Yeah, I mean, you know. That part was fine, I just wanted, can she do it? You know and you're okay with it. Yeah That part was fine, I just wanted can she do it because I never seen her and what does she do in the show? She opens she had an opening act like a what 10 minutes 15 minutes comedy. No, she ended up doing Yeah, 45 and when we got to Australia, the Australian promoter goes, okay, she opens and we'll have an intermission and then Chichen Chow. And it was like, whoa, okay. And then, so she used to open up and do her show.

Yeah. She's got a good show. She's funny. He wrote it. You wrote it. Yeah. So it's... I mean, so it's.

I mean, I know a lot of comics would love to get that deal. Yeah. Because they're with somebody and they're, you know, when you're always on the road. Absolutely. She's too gorgeous to leave at home. And I, you know, I know, you know, you leave something that valuable around,

someone's gonna pick up on it, you know. Well, let's hope that the bond is stronger than that, Tommy. I mean, I mean... Let us hope. I mean, believe something around. I just got lonely on the road, though. You know, especially because my whole comedy career was with a partner.

And so when I had to do it by myself... That's what I'm saying. There's a bond between you guys that is in some ways stronger, especially when you've had multiple wads. There is an inflation of the heart that goes with the more you've been with somebody. I remember having this conservative guy who used to run the Reagan Library on Politically Incorrect when that show was on. We'd like to have those kind of Republican guys on.

He was speaking out, I'm sure, at the time against homosexuality, but they're poking in the wrong hole. It was just the Bible and Jesus. And sweet guy though. Like all those Republicans are, happy warriors, just had some bad ideas. But he was very big on the fact that he said, you know, like you liberals, you heathens, talk about me, a libertine, you know, you multiple women, and then he said, my wife is the only woman I've ever kissed. And I was like, yeah, I wouldn't want to be you,

but I do get what you're saying. Like every time you have another love affair, you're like, it's very hard to be like, you know, you're the only one. Well, except for, you know. Hey, I've always been a fan of producer Rick Rubin. And this week on his podcast, he has Shane Smith from Vice, whose new podcast I'm producing. Anyway, Rick's podcast is called Tetra Gametan. They shot it at Rick's estate in Italy, and you can find it wherever you get your podcasts.

Check it out, I think you'll like it. I like being the age we are right now. Yes. I really enjoy that. Even though we're old, it's so much, it's just, I remember my mother told me that once when I was younger, maybe in the 30s or something, and she said, yeah, I feel like the best decades

were the 50s and 60s. I thought, what the fuck, really? The best? Yeah. And I get it now. It's like, mostly because you're just not fucking stupid. Yeah. Yeah, that's a big part of it.

Which causes you so much pain. They haven't legalized stupidity yet. Yeah. Right. Well, the same thing has come around three times now in your lifetime. What did I do the last time this thing came up? That is exactly it. Patterns. Patterns. The same thing keeps coming up. It comes up, but this time I see it coming because I saw it before.

Because boom, oh don't do that. It's the quarterback who studies film all week. And then when he sees that coverage, he goes, oh, I saw you do this with the Panthers. Yeah, like. And that's when, those are the guys who are, you know, Tom Brady, this, but boom. Yeah, because they recognize those patterns,

but, you know, takes a bunch of hitting the heads, or, you know. Do you have trouble remembering lines ever on stage? I mean, I've for years worked with a music stand that I put up there with bullet points. I could never like just spiel like I did when I was 25. First of all, I don't do it that often. I mean, I do it a few times a month, but that's not enough to have it like when I was in the clubs, we'd do your set six times a weekend. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I have that. I mean, I couldn't, I guess with a partner, you can always cue the other guy. Oh, we do. Or you just know this shit. Just make it the shit up. Okay. No, come on.

Seriously. You don't, come on, you don't do routines? Oh, yeah, I absolutely do. Yes, you do. Seriously. Come on, you don't do routines? Oh yeah, absolutely do. We got routines. We got routines about routines. We were, I don't know, separated for a long period, and then came back on stage. Oh, 20 years.

20 years. And we came back on stage at the La Jolla Comedy Club. And I walked in. Didn't rehearse, didn't talk about it, and went right into the thing. Of course. It's muscle memory. Are you kidding? I know how to do this.

Yes. So that one at me, again, batting kids. Yeah. I mean, it's just something electric, but that's why we love music. It is a synergy of more than one thing. And there's a dance to it, by the way. Yes.

And that dance, like as you get older, you know, exercise changes, you know. And I found out my body wasn't responding. You know, I could feel certain things not responding when I needed it. You mean you wanted to make a move. Yes, well, I know now that like getting out of a car can be a half a day workout. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because I got to work. Because I've got to work the calves, I've got to work the muscles, I've got to make sure. And if I go the wrong way, I'll pull a muscle. Wow, you can't get out of the car, but you still want that hot wife with you at all times. Yeah, it seems like you can get your thing going when you want it to.

Oh, my God. It's about being able to do things that seem boring. Like I saw Tom Hanks, one time he was walking his dog near his house. And he yells in the dark, he goes, Tom, Tom, Tom Hanks. He says, I see you washing dishes every night.

He walks by my house and he sees me up there washing dishes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So... Oh, I thought it was some sort of an insult because... Yeah, yeah. I'm just sort of at it. No, it's just washing dishes. And so then I realized, yeah, I do wash dishes.

And you know why I wash dishes? Because of that hot wife. You want to keep her on your good side. That's exactly it. Yeah. There's a new thing out. It's called a maid. What is want to keep her on your good side. That's exactly it. Yeah, there's a new thing out, it's called a maid. What is going to make her smile? What is going to make her smile? Just looking at me is not going to make her smile anymore.

You don't say you don't have a housekeeper? Oh yeah. Oh yeah, but there's so many dishes, you have to additionally do dishes? The housekeeper is like family. She only comes around when she's really needed, you know. But there's just us, you know, just my wife and I, and you know, and when she cooks, she's like an artist.

Well, she is an artist, and so she'll use every pot in the place and every dish. Out of the blue, finds out she can paint. She can paint. Yeah. I took lessons, and I know good painters when I see them, and she can paint. She can paint. Yeah. Took lessons, and I know good painters when I see them. And she can paint. And it's like a, somebody has really. So she cooks much like she paints.

And so when cleaning up, there's a big art to it. Did you ever think you'd wind up such rich, privilege-y fuck with your fine arts life and your international travel and your hot wives. Actually, yes. You did? I always knew I was gonna be successful in show business. You did.

Is that true? I made my first record at five years old. Five years old. Explain. I was a little kid that could sing in tune, had a little squeaky voice but could sing in tune and could sing in Spanish. And there was this friend of my mother's

who had a little record company and used to record people in the neighborhood and then sell the records, so straight to disc. So you still got that record? No, I was like, I was five. That would be worth hearing. I wanted to hear that. I was five. And so, and I saw the reaction that it caused.

And people would, and then, and I said, right from the very beginning, that's what I wanna do. I wanna create that energy, I wanna get, you know. Yeah, I mean, I knew I wanted to be a comedian, I want to get, you know. And, you know, you're- Yeah, I mean, I knew I wanted to be a comedian when I was less than 10. Yeah. So that's a great advantage in life

when you know what you want to do. Because a lot of kids get to be 22 and they're like talented at some, but they, but what do I do? Yeah. You know? And they, and this generation is not big on like putting in the time. They kind of want, you know.

But they know how to do a lot of things. They have talent and they're not stupid. They're just ignorant because they don't teach them anything. So they don't know things. They don't know anything. And they have the arrogance of thinking they know everything, but all kids think that. I mean, that's every generation to think that you know everything.

I mean, again, that's why somehow we're better now. We're better with being alive now than we were plainly when we were, it was so much easier when you're younger because you're health-wise not on a short leash. You know what I mean? Like a short leash. Whether we wanted or not, we got control over our urges. No, our urges got control over us.

I would not have chosen not to be able to drink like I used to. I enjoyed it. Really? Yeah. I I enjoyed it. Really? Yeah. I never enjoyed drinking. Really? Never.

Not even with pot? No, but I would have social drinks, you know, have a beer. I always thought the combination, there was something magical that was one plus one equals three. Yeah. With liquor and pot. Oh, really? Possibly why I'm smoking liquor. And drinking pot right now.

There you go. I like you down here man, this is cool. Yeah, club random is cool. I wish you could hear some night, and you could be, when we're not taping, because it's so much better with the music on. It's a place that needs to have music. It's a real little club.

Like your Canadian pool table. Why, because it's red? It's big. Oh, it's bigger than a normal? Really? Yeah, no, that's, when you play pool in Canada, you get really good because the pockets are small like these compared to the nine

hole pool. And why were you in Canada so much, comrade? Were you fleeing the law? I'm Canadian. I know. He was born in Edmonton and raised in Calgary. I came down to the States in my 30s, actually. The first time ever? Yeah. I came down to the States in my 30s, actually.

The first time ever? Yeah. Canadians have an amazing roster of talent, especially in comedy, because they are simultaneously part of the United States. You can't not be. In many ways, Canada is a big blue state to the north. Whenever they do ticket sales for movies, for example,

it's always, and the North American market. You know, it's not just America. So, you know, they're performers like you. They know it so intimately that they are of it, but they're also a little detached. They're not, they're Americans, but no, not really, not quite, and not at the end of the day. They have their own strains,

their own ethnic and Indian strains. But they can satirize this country so well because of that, I feel. Yeah. When you think of all the people. All the guys that are concerned. Well, no, Canadians get. Chicago.

Being Canadian, I can tell you exactly. Canadians believe what they hear and they believe what they see. They really do. They have no reason to be skeptical. For instance, we playin' guitar. instance, we're playing guitar. That's my thing was guitar. And we listened to the records,

the great guitarists in the records. And fuck, how did they play like that? And so then we practice and practice, but then we find out that a lot of it was tricks, you know, how to make a guitar sound crazy like that. It's all tricks, isn't it? I mean... Tricks any boy can do.

Yeah. Yeah. So what's your days like? What do you... What do you... Are you... Get up early? Do you... Yeah. Yeah. What's your days like? Hey. What do you, do you get up early? Depends on where I am and what I'm doing. Yeah, really?

Yeah, I just came back. You can get up at different times? I can never. No, where I'm working, I just came back from Mexico. Mexico City, I did a picture there for a week. And worked two days and saw everything my Russian wife wanted to see about Mexico. Your wife is Russian?

Russian, from St. Petersburg. She's a Russian tour guide. Yeah. You guys are bad. Yeah. Just bad boys. It's www.russianvideos.com. I'll turn you on to this hype.

You get the weekend package. What year did you get married? What year did you get married to this woman? 20 years ago. 20 years ago. It's 19, 20, right around there. Right around there? You should know this.

It's not a romantic. It was a wavering Greenland. Right around there. Right around there? Yeah. You should know this. I mean, you're. Well, it was, you know what? It's not a romantic. It was a wavering Greenland. No. No, I mean, there's some things you can be fuzzy on the timeline. But not your anniversary. You're supposed to have that down.

Yeah, she doesn't care. She doesn't care. No, she doesn't care. That's the best. That's the best, someone who doesn't pressure you. Huh? Someone who doesn't pressure you. Yeah, she doesn't know it.'s the best. That's the best. Someone who doesn't pressure you. Someone who doesn't pressure you is the best kind of... She's stronger than she is.

Absolutely. She can carry more rocks. Absolutely, yeah. Hey, if it's important to the woman to think she's stronger than you, go ahead, Wonder Woman, I can give a fuck. I'm not even looking to be the strongest. I'm just looking to be happy, you know?

So you could be strong or whatever. I could be, you know, just don't be a nudge, as my mother would say. Don't be a nudge. No, this is a great girl. That's great. Well, I'm very happy for both of you. Classical pianist. A pianist? A of you. Classical pianist.

A pianist? A concert pianist. A pianist. A pianist. Well, you know, there's that. No, she's just got her doctorate from USC in piano performance. And, you know. Well.

Twenty years of scales. She plays Cheech like a harp. Absolutely. Do the four of you go out together, like the Merches and the Ricardos? Not very often. We meet, you know, we have common friends. If we ever shoot a movie.

Yeah. Right. Been together. Yeah. When we shot that last documentary, we had a little time in the movie. Yeah. Right. Been together. Yeah. We shot that last documentary when we had a little time in the desert. Yeah. Little town.

Yeah. Not really. We see each other. He's got his grandpa life. I've got my grandpa life. Oh, you have grandkids. I do. You both do.

Yeah. And what do they know of your lurid past? Oh. We don't give a shit. No, but like, are they curious? Do they know of your lurid past? Oh... We don't give a shit. No, but like, are they curious? Do they know? Do they see it on YouTube? Well, you can see when they hit that realization button, who their grandfather is.

I watched my grandsons grow up. At first, you know, I'm just this guy. And then after a while, I was like, whoa, he's that guy. And then, you know, Jack and that. That's right, yeah. But the kids, yeah, oh yeah, no, they, you know. And then, Granny's gonna be 17. Who?

My oldest grandkid. Yeah. But I'm curious as to like what these kids think. Do they, you feel like they fully appreciate what you did? I don't know yet. I'm watching it unfold. You could tell at what different stages our kids discovered us, heard the records,

and what they related to in the records. And that was an interesting process, because the things they didn't understand, and what they related to in the records. And that was an interesting process, you know, because the things they didn't understand, they didn't understand, but the things they thought were funny, they laughed at, you know, so. But do they have an appreciation of like how big you were? Uh, no.

They don't? No. I mean, I guess you had to live through it. Yeah. Yeah, I've always been grandpa. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I hear celebrities often say that, like, yeah, I'm just this guy.

I'm like, then why'd you become a celebrity? Yeah. Yeah. I think you should use that to pull rank on these kids. Yeah. And, you know, enjoy your... Give your grandpa some respect. Kids are like little helpers, you know. Helpers, you say? Yeah, like electric carts.

Wow. You know, they lead you around. But my kids, I couldn't... There's not an iPhone or an iPad iPad or computer in my house that my kids don't have to show me how to use it, or even how to find it. Even how to find it? Yeah, I get it.

I mean, I'm not native to this stuff either. And everything that's technological, I feel like it's like doing something left-handed. Yeah, exactly. Can I do it? Here. Yeah, I guess badly. Yeah.

And I just, my response to that was always, yeah, but if I got richer at what I am good at. Yeah. That's exactly the same. Somebody else can do it. Exactly what I think. But it's I am good at. Yeah, that's exactly it. I can get somebody else to do it. Exactly what I think. But it's not a good way to be, because what if there's a catastrophe

and we're all on our own? Yeah, I'd die in the woods, man. I would too. Yeah, I'd just like to. But for lack of PayPal. I'd be like, just set upon by feral wolves. I, or younger I feral wolves. Yeah. Or younger I could, but not now.

Right. Survival. In the woods, yeah. Well, it's awesome, but it's this sort of computer, internet, social media, iPhone divide. That if you came along long enough before, that was a thing, which we all did. And you just don't speak that language.

You just don't. I mean, some people do. I certainly know people who loved it and adapted to it. I love it, but it's just so hard to... I don't have enough time to learn that language. Right. Yeah. I want to.

And I've tried. I'm rich enough that I can hire, and I'm putting in time. Well, I'm rich enough that I can hire somebody to speak that language for me. Well, what it is is, like, I'll learn something, but then I won't use it, because I don't need it. Because a lot of the shit is, like, you don't need it to begin with. Like, I don't care about Yelp. Like, the last thing in the world I want to do is, like, publicly criticize a restaurant. Like, if I didn't have a good time there, I want to do is publicly criticize a restaurant. Like, if I didn't have a good time there, I won't come back.

But like, I want everybody to know that my soup was cold. What the fuck? Do you watch TikTok? Do I watch TikTok? Do I watch it? First of all, Grandpa, we don't say watch TikTok. I think we say. There's a TikTok thing where you have to, you know, brush up for the next one, and then

you see that, then a next one. I mean, I've seen TikTok, yes, but I'm afraid of TikTok. I feel like I don't want it on my phone. You know why? China! Fucking China is TikTok. Am I wrong? Of course.

Okay. But so is AI. Well, AI is us too. TikTok is China. That's a Chinese owned company. I mean, aren't they making them sell it? They're making a lot of money. They're making a lot of money.

And look, it's not like American kids need help in becoming stupider. They're doing fine on their own. But it's not in Chinese interest to help them not be stupid, and they're not helping. Although, I must say, the videos that you see of Trump saying, they're killing the dogs. They're coming in.

They're killing all the dogs. They're killing the cats. And're coming in, they're killing all the dogs, they're killing the cats, and then people put them with pictures of their pets going, jeez. It was the funniest thing I saw all year. I've been enjoying the Trump follies, you know, the comedians and all the material that Trump's generated. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, he's going to be... But there should be a monument made for Trump. Like, if there is

really God and justice in this world, Trump will be sentenced to Guantanamo for life. But there they'll build the biggest sand trap, golf. When you go to Guantanamo. That's all he's got. He's going to do some sand travel. Sir, when you go to Guantanamo, they give you one of those ass pillows. Because no one gives them to you.

These guys. You have to earn it. Nobody gives you an ass pillow in this world. Nobody gives you one. You have to find, my friend. Nobody gives you one. You have to find a way to make them. You do. I've always said that. No.

Nobody gives you. Prison is a whole different life there. You give them an ass pillow, and they shouldn't. And they shouldn't. Because that's what makes an ass pillow valuable to you and meaningful. See, because people don't know about it. No, no.

I see these people begging for ass pillows on the street. I'm like, you know what? Yeah, maybe you have something that prevented you from being successful. I used to have- Maybe you could be the new ass pillow guy, the new pillow guy. I had this girlfriend once. Like the pillow, the new pillow guy. I had this girlfriend once.

Like the other pillow guy. And when we were walking on the street in New York, she'd see some guy was begging, literally on the sidewalk. And she'd say, why don't you give me some money? I mean, like zero empathy. Because she had a crazy mother and kind of a rough childhood. So, you know. Who is this?

Some girlfriend I had a million years ago would see a beggar in the street and that was her response. Why don't you give me some money? Never forget it dude. I'm like, what the fuck you psycho and I'm still fucking you? Yes, cause you're hot. So that was, you know, again I'm still fucking you? Yes, because you're hot. So that was, you know, again.

When we first went to Club 54, I got so hung up. Studio 54. Studio 54, or in New York. Yeah. I got so hung up watching this guy scam people on the street. Which guy? The beggar. Oh. They worked in Paris. Oh, is that right? on the street. Which guy? The beggar.

They worked in pairs. Oh, is that right? One guy would be obnoxious and just scare the shit out of everybody. And then his buddy would come along and say, hey, get out of here, man, come on. And make him leave and apologize to anybody else. Apologize to all the people that... Good bum, bad bum.

Exactly. Jesus. I'm so naive, I never once even thought that. No. You mean the bums are fake? What's this world coming? In Jamaica. For sure.

Wow. Oh well, Jamaica. I expect the Wow. Oh, well, Jamaica. I expect the fun. Jamaica, I know you. In Jamaica, we were at Ocho Rios and a resort there. And of course, the hotel said, you know, that's something mountain. I forget.

Anyway, Stearman. Stearman. Don't go to Stearman, why? That's where all the locals hang out at night. Oh. So that's the first place I went to. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, of course that's where the fun is. Now when you go to Stearman, it's a club, you know, they had candlelight and a lot of ganja smoked all over the place. That makes a club. And then you would, a lot of ganja smoked all over the place. That makes a club. And then you would, a lot of good dancing. And a lot of the people that were formerly during the day begging on the beach

with the fucked up leg or something. Now they're dancing. They're dancing, they got their teeth in. Yeah. I got to say, that is cheeky to be using your thing as a bed leg. Yeah. That is definitely. To explain that one away in court. Yeah.

No. That was Sturman. That's hysterical. What's your favorite place that you went? Ever? Yeah, like your favorite, one place in the world. See, you guys are world travelers in a way I really have never been. I toured Europe once, like four cities doing standup.

It was fine, but it wasn't for me. I'm an American. Anyway. Is there like Amsterdam or I don't know, Toronto? If you ask the Rolling Stones, I'm sure they would all have an opinion. They all love New York. All the Stones and the Beatles. They all love New York. All the stones and the beetles.

They all love New York. I just came back from Mexico City, man. That city's popping. Where? Mexico City. Yeah. I mean, that's good there. Right.

Yeah, but I don't know. I'd kind of like to end up, I like Costa Rica a lot. I've gone there a lot in my life over a period of time. The city? San Jose, I haven't, no, I always spend a time out at the beach at Quepos. Oh yeah. And I've been going there for years.

Yeah. I think I might. I mean, that's a little off the beaten path. I mean, like, like cities. Oh, cities. Yeah, like what city did you vibe with? I always thought like I either vibed with a city or I didn't. Amsterdam, yeah.

Amsterdam I have to say, maybe I just had the wrong guides, but like was polite, but not warm to me. Maybe you had a different experience. I was out of step two. was polite but not warm to me. Maybe you had a different experience. I was out of step too. You know, when they heard we were coming, you know. All the stoners. Yeah, you guys must be God. The stoners, you know, they got together

and they took me out for a night out. And half hour later they had to drag me back. I could not hang with him at all. Paris is, we both lived in Paris for a long time. And I like that city. It's cold at first, but when you find out where to go and speak. Yeah. Depends on what you're doing.

You know, we were doing a movie there. So it was quite nice. You know, Paris could be nice. We both stayed there for like, you really, what, four years? Yeah. I mean, there's no city like it in the world. Paris. Yeah, yeah.

Because it's not just the economic capital like New York. Well, you got choices. It's also the political capital like Washington. It's like New York and Washington as one, plus it's kind of the capital of Europe. I mean, Berlin might argue in some ways, but Paris, you know. Yeah.

Well, each of the- As some capital we were called. But I hate the food. I can't stand the food. Really? I cannot have a, yeah. It's like I have to find like the worst sort of like deli to go in to get like a cheap sub to survive on because I cannot

stand the food. It's horrible. And it has the reputation of being. When you're from New Jersey, was it Italian food you got used to? I just like regular food. Not like this. Just like not this. I mean, I'm telling you, the last time I was there and I was not eating

badly. I was with people who knew the city and were rich and it was you know we ate at fine places and we ate at the neighborhood place that was supposed to be even better. I fucking hated it all. I filled up on bread and sucked my head. The entire time, I'm telling you. You are what you eat, brother. The meat was always super tough. The first time I was like, oh, this must be a bad batch. No, next time, that's how they like it. They eat it like that.

It's terrible. It's an acquired taste. It's terrible. And everybody else was loving it and this stinky shit. They have good food there. You weren't stoned then, I guess. You know, this is 2015. I'm trying to think.

I don't think I, I think I would be too paranoid. I know I'm too paranoid to bring pot to. Oh, I may have, we went to Amsterdam first. That's probably why the itinerary was written that way, now that I think about it. We went to Amsterdam first for a reason. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Amsterdam was always like a safe port. It was Casablanca of hot smuggler. Well, we worked there, we made a movie there, so we were there for a while, you know, and got intertwined with the locals. We started the first part cafe in Amsterdam with our movie. On a barge. I remember being in a restaurant when I was first there,

and I thought, oh, we're smoking in there. They were like, no, we don't smoke everywhere here. You know, like, we're just adult about it. We're not French. It wouldn't be like, it just wouldn't be cool to, you could legally smoke here in the restaurant. It just wouldn't be cool. They were cool that way.

Yeah. You know, they were a cohesive society. Yeah, yeah, they were. And I mean- Where are they now, do you know? Where are they now? The Dutch, where are they now? That's a, cause I heard that they were going-

The King of the Brady Bunch, the Dutch. Where are they now? I heard they were going Trumpy. They're headed in the Trump direction. Okay. First of all, it's a fair question because they once almost stopped the world economy with the tulip market. Right?

Yes. They were the big swinging deck in the, you know, explorer's age. Navigators, boy. Exactly. Well said. Yeah, they were navi... Yeah. They were, you know, New York City is Stuyvesantown.

Peter Stuyvesant was Dutch. They bought it from the... And then all those islands in between. The Dutch, the Hudson River. So the Dutch, where are they? Well, they were always a very free, liberal society. They do have a large Muslim minority. And there is a clash of cultures there.

And it could best, I think, be summed up as, you know, are you so tolerant that you're willing to tolerate intolerance? That's the issue. Wow. So because... Wow. Yeah. Your worst nightmare.

Yeah. That's Indonesia. So this guy, Gert Wilders, I interviewed him in religious when we filmed there in 2006 he was a Dutch politician on the rise Yeah, I think he's the head dude now And you know people call him a racist and this and that I don't see it that way I don't know. I it was a long time ago when I don't keep up with Dutch politics, but I don't know, it was a long time ago when I don't keep up with Dutch politics,

but my memory is we were more on the same page of like, should there be any sort of prejudice against Islamic people? Of course not. But there are beliefs that are not liberal, and they don't, you know, you can't kill cartoonists, you can't do shit like that. Then a Dutch artist, Theo van Gogh,

made a movie about Mohammed. He got stabbed on the sidewalk. So there's a lot of controversy there. They're like, we want to be tolerant to everybody, but not if your beliefs themselves are intolerant. Yeah. Not if you're still at war. Good that Not if you're still at war. Because that's really what they're still at war.

Who's still at war? The Muslims. Yeah, there has been a war between Islam and the West for a very long time, starting with the Middle Ages. And they're still there? The Crusades. I mean, it is... Still there? Yeah, it's a similar thing. I mean, they've fought over Jerusalem a lot.

Yeah. They're still fighting. Did you ever see that movie? It's a Ridley Scott movie, Days of Heaven, I think it's called. It's about this Jerusalem and the siege of it in 1187 by the Muslim guy who finally took it over. Saladin. Oh, it's such a great movie. Yeah.

It's called Days of Heaven. Days of Heaven, yeah. You saw it? Yeah, I did. Yeah. I remember who was in it, movie star-wise. You watch movies at the end of the day? Yeah.

Movies. You watch movies? You go to movies. Go? You know those things that comeies. You watch movies? You go to movies. You know those things that come up? Who wants to know?

I want to know. I want to know what you do right before you go to sleep. My wife takes me to movies. She takes the old guy out. For an errand. Well, don't look at it that way. You know. Takes him out for an area. Well, don't look at it that way. You know. But takes them out for an area.

In the sun. You know. Turns me. I bet you she has to fight off the bitches trying to get at you with her handbag. Come on, dick old guy. It's nice when that does happen. Everyone's around.

Oh, look who, oh my God. Take a picture with me. And I, you kind of check her out, take a look at her. Yeah, I had to tell you, they thought you were Kenny Rogers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

No, no, I'm, oh my God. Oh my God. That's what people say? That's good. Yeah. No, she's- You're iconic. Yeah, I gotta keep,

keep happy, you know, staying happy. There's an art to it. And I realized because I'm a comedian, I can entertain the fuck out of myself. And I've been doing a good job. My son had me taking off Twitter because I was getting too many enemies with the Trumpies. It was getting too... starting to get heckled at the shows.

Really? Yeah, so it was time to go, okay. You got it, it's yours for a while. I don't engage with social media at all. I have other people that do for me, when we have business or business together, but as a person, zip. First of all, it's back to the thing

that we are just not often capable of conjuring it up in an easy way that, you know, hey, check out this TikTok, and I can't. Show it to me. Send it to me. I'd rather practice ukulele, man. I mean, really, too, you know, if I'm going to spend, what am am I gonna spend time on, you know? Well, look, I mean, I certainly have scrolled

through enough TikToks and Instagrams to know that they can, I mean, this is what's so seductive about it, is we're not stupid people. A lot of people are not stupid people. I have to say, if I just didn't have a discipline in me that I think comes from being in this generation, I have to say, if I just didn't have a discipline in me that I think comes from being in this generation, it is interesting. You can show me one fucking amazing thing after another

in a way that's so evil that you're like getting right to that, oh, first here's a guy who's surfing the highest wave ever, and then they blowjob, and then, you know, but it's just, yes, you can go bing, bing, bing to my pleasures, and oh, oh, my God, there's a dog doing an amazing thing, and I love dogs. You can do that.

So I could see just, ooh. Non-stop. You have to have something in you that goes, I got something better to do, or I want to make something better in my life, or whatever. You've got to really pull yourself away, and a lot of people don't. See where aging comes in? Yes, no.

The body just automatically shuts down, slows down. The shit you used to be able to do, you can't do anymore, and there's a reason. I just said that the part of the brain that is supposedly the captain sometimes does his job and says, stop looking at this stupid shit as much as you could keep going because I'm saying now you should do this other thing which look, it's not gonna be that much worse and it's gonna be productive and you need to do it for tomorrow or whatever the fuck.

And I just, it's like heroin and I just never was attracted and I'm still not attracted to it now. And then some people, I mean, I'm sure you know Woody Harrelson. He does not have a cell phone. And the reason is because he found it too addictive. Not because he hated it too addictive.

Not because he hated it. Yeah. Okay. I don't engage with it at all. I mean, I have accounts with it. Oh, the cell phone, yeah. I don't know. No, any social media.

But you must use it for texting. You gotta turn it on. Huh? You gotta turn it on. No, I don't. You don't text? I do text, but only people I know. Right. Well, who? Strangers.

I get texts from strangers all the time. You're selling crypto coins? No, of course, people you know. But I mean, you have to admit, like some of these things that came along well after we were like of the age to, some of them did turn out to be awesome. Like, you know, I mean, I'm not saying that came along well after we were like of the age to, some of them did turn out to be awesome, like texting. I mean, I wish we had texting. It's so easy and it takes care, or email, anything where you just don't have to actually

make a call or a visit, you know, because lots of stuff in life doesn't require that. It just requires, it's when people use texting to tell you their life story, that's when it's like no, no, no. It's just to be like I'll be ten minutes late or I'm up here on the Empire State Building, you know, they could, we never make that movie where they, what movie is that, where they're supposed to meet at the Empire State Building and they miss each other. Now they would just, I'm in the lobby, what are you doing? Luck. But I mean, that was awesome.

And emails, when I think about having to leave messages. No, I like the technology. I mean, I like exactly for what those things that you said. It does. I just don't want to have to learn another language right now. It's like enough. My wife learned Spanish in three months. Bridget writes it, speaks it.

Speaks English, Russian, Spanish, French, Italian. But I'm assuming your wives are quite a bit younger than you. His wife is KGB. And younger. KGB? What does that mean? She was junior KGB. Oh, she really was?

No. Oh. Are you sure? Well, we're not sure. Come on. Concert pianist? I'm sure she's awesome, but I must admit, I am wary of Russians. Oh. Okay, can I just put it on the table?

I am wary of Russians. I don't think it's their fault. No. But I think communism was such a horrible system, especially psychologically, that it made the Russian people kind of a abused child that is still in, and you know, Putin, it's not like it got a lot better. Yeah. Except that-

He calmed the waters for a long time for them. They weren't in a war for a long time, and they had always been in wars. Putin? Putin, yeah. Well, they're in one now. Well, they're in, yeah. They're in, they're in the world.

It's the resurgence at the end of his life, he wants to, you know, to kind of revive the kingdom. Yeah. And they all go through that period. You know, look at Bush, or look at Trump, and all those guys, you know, the line in the winter right now, is what we're seeing, but a crazy version of it. Yeah, but Trump ain't trying to invade anybody.

Oh, give him a chance. We did, he was president for four years. Nobody hates Trump more than me, but he didn't. His instinct is the opposite. He wants to get out of Ukraine. He wants to just give it to Putin. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, his big secret plan. Yeah. My secret plan, we give up. Yeah, my plan to end the war, we give up. Okay, you know. I don't know, that's what his plan is. I've been enjoying the Trump, oh my God, eating, they're eating your dog.

Oh, it's, Fuck, it was like watching Marlon about to take that bait. Like, oh, he's gonna go, he's gonna, the big mackerel out there, you know, half a mackerel. Well, I said on my show Friday, I think he's a toast. I'm putting down my marker that he's gonna lose this election. I've always been a pessimist about him.

This is the first time. He knows he's gonna lose, but with his luck, he could win. I don't think any, I don't think he will. I think it'll be tied as the polls always are on election day. The American people just love to play a game of chicken, and they always will. But they're like people who shop.

That's how you sell papers or newspapers or internet or something. You got breaking news. Right. And that's what it is, breaking news. But I think at the last minute, when people go into the booth this time, they'll do it right. They just have had enough.

Yeah, I think so too. I mean, he has a strong base, but. They're very strong, and it's not gonna be a walk walk, but at the end of the day it'll be just enough. That's the marker. I don't know. I think they're going to give people the roles they haven't had before. Icing will be when he gets sentenced. Yeah, there's no sentencing anymore.

Oh yeah, he does get sentenced, right? Yes, he does. Oh right, in the hush money one. He does. All right. Well, you know, I don't want to base my happiness based on how unhappy he is. I feel like, you know.

No, you gotta. Out of my life, man. You gotta accept him for what he was. I don't accept him.. I don't accept him. I completely don't accept him. I also don't accept letting his psyche control my psyche. Think what he did. He did things that no one else, no one could do.

Yes, true. Oh, yes. Mostly for the worse. No one could do. No. The best. The best. He one could do it. No. The best? The best. He got Joe Biden elected.

No one else could have done that. That's funny. That's not a compliment to Joe Biden. But I mean, I'm not going to argue with it, either. And he's going to get Kamala elected, too. He'll be responsible for the first black woman president of America, thanks to Donald Trump. You're right.

That's it. And we owe it all to him. I sense you don't like him. Well, I don't like him either. I don't care who knows it. I don't like him either. I don't care who knows it. I don't like him either. I think he's kind of a buffoon, if I'm going to be completely honest. Comedy good.

He's a comedy, yeah. Nobody ever provided more material. Because unlike other presidents who had one or two things about them that were obviously funny, you know, Bush was stupid and Clinton was horny. Like this guy's everything. He's both stupid and crazy and horny and fat and wants to fuck his daughter. And he looks like the devil. And he, right, and has this preposterous turkey sandwich on his head.

And it's his real hair. That's even worse. It's not a wig. It would somehow be better. Don't you think? And he stinks. He stinks. He's putrid.

This is his latest theory. Your latest story. No, no. It's been proven. They got the internet. They got the smell. What? He stinks.

Trump, yeah. Like physically. He has to wear diapers. He shits himself. He has to wear diapers. He shits himself. He shits himself. He shits himself. He shits himself. They got the smell. What? They stink. Trump, yeah.

Like physically? He has to wear diapers. He shits himself. Oh, come on. Where are you getting this? On the internet. On the internet. You sound like them.

This is my problem in America. Everybody's fucking nuts. Oh, Christ. On the internet. Well, that wraps that up. I'm Edwin R. Murrow. Come back tomorrow. You never heard that before. You never heard that before.

I heard it about Elvis. No, no, about Trump. Really? Wearing diapers. Oh, I, you know, I mean, yeah. It's plausible. Stinks. Stinks. He wore it at the exact I mean, it's plausible. Stinks.

Stinks. Possible. We're about the exact same age, me and Trump. 78? Yeah. You must be proud. Use it as a marker there. Well, I think you're doing great for 78.

Well, I'm 68. 68? 68? Well, let me tell you. It's all relative. You're a youngster then. It's all so relative. I remember when I was 37, I had been in a relationship for five years.

Oh, sorry. Let me do it. And five years, a very significant relationship. Just at the age you would get married if you were the kind of person who could, which apparently I wasn't. And I thought, oh my God, 37, what woman's gonna go out with me now?

Oh my God. I thought it was too old. I wasn't even mature yet. And then I remember going out with this girl. I was 42, she was 28. And I remember I asked her once, what do you think the perfect age for a man is? And she said, like early 50s.

What? Early 50s? And now I get it. It's like, yeah, women know more than anybody, you know? They don't want to put up with stupid. They'll put up with so much, like how we look. Because we're just better to be around and not stupid and not possessive and you know.

I feel like so much of the success of a relationship is just letting the person be who they are. For fuck's sake. And loving it. What? And loving it. And loving, yes, of course. And loving it.

Okay, we get it. You're a Marvel man. The grandkids, when they come, everybody gets along? Actually, I'm going, they all live in Colorado. The mini baby mamas, it's not a whole Michigan. Actually, I'm going, they all live in Colorado. They're all... The many baby mamas, it's not a whole Michigan. No, but my daughter... You have different kids from different ladies?

Yes. Okay. Yeah. But that's not the issue. My oldest daughter, Carmen, grew up skiing and she went to college on a ski scholarship. And so that's what her perfect life was, to live in the ski town. And all her kids grew up in that, and that's what she's doing right now.

And they're doing very well, and we're going there for Thanksgiving. We haven't seen them in a little while, so. He's such a man of the people, his daughter in the ski town. You know, that's what she wanted. Well, she grew up in a little while, so. He's such a man of the people, his daughter in the ski town. I know, that's what she wanted. Well, she grew up in a ski town. No, I think that's what's so great about America.

Yeah. Is that, you know, do we have our problems? Yes, but really anybody can be anywhere. Yeah. It didn't, it wasn't always so. No. And there are still issues, but anybody can be anywhere. Yeah, and it's a big country.

It's a big country, and it's not as hecky as it used to be. I was just writing something about how country music, I used to hate it. Really? For a good reason, it sucked. And now it doesn't suck. Yeah. It doesn't suck.

It's like country music is like the Eagles in 1972. Right? Which we loved. They had a banjo for a while, right? Remember Bernie Ludden? He must have hung out with all those rock stars. Yeah, we all came out of the troubadour on that side. Like what musicians were you piling around with? Like in that era when you guys were stars and they were stars?

I was friends with Jim Croce. Jim Croce? I mean I thought he was great but I was hoping you'd say like Led Zeppelin or... No, I'm fucking... They were fans of different guys hung out, but he reached out because we had a common agent or something. His stuff is awesome.

I mean, obviously he died young. How did he die? An airplane crash. Airplane. Yeah. Wow. It was... Airplanes are terrible to musicians.

You know? So many, when you think about it. Alea and Buddy Holly and, you know, I guess because we take... Richie Ballas. Yeah, yeah. Big Bopper, we're all on that same flight. Because I guess we all take little planes to get to gigs.

So at one time or another, boy. And some of them are scary. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, yeah. It's not guaranteed, you know. They were flown in at one of those double cockpit, open cockpit, they fly really low over a lot of little lakes. I think I have.

Yeah, in the Caribbean. But I've also just been in the one with the brrrrrrrr. The guys out front by the wing doing it manually practically. You know, like, oh, contact. You know, it's not a word I want to hear before we take off. You want to check the weather on one of those. Yeah.

But, uh, well, I'm stopping doing it after this year. Well yeah. I may go back to it, but at least for one year. I've done it for 42 years. Take a rest. Stand up and done 13 HBO specials, I feel like. Time for a rest. I wanna see if I will miss, you don't know if you'll miss something that you've done

that long unless you stop it. And then you'll go, oh, I either miss it or like, no, this is cool. I can get by with, you know, I don't have other jobs. But I also do love it. I mean, there's nothing like a live audience in a theater that came to see you. Nothing like. So you're their hero to begin with.

Nothing like. And then it makes you want to deliver to them so much. And it's just a wonderful feeling. Our show kept us in shape. It was a real physical show. So it had to be in shape to do it. And so that was the part of it, because we worked out all the time. We were members of the YMCA, and when we toured in the early days,

that was the best gym in town. And so we'd go there and dump the stuff at the hotel, go to the Y, play basketball, workout, blah, blah, blah, come back, shower, do the show, party all night, blah, blah, come back and get on the plane, repeat. What was party all night? Let's go. Let's stop the tape there and then zero in on that. I'm interested in that.

Well, we celebrated a lot of birthdays. A lot of birthdays. Let's just stop the tape there and then zero in on that. I'm interested in that. Well, we celebrated a lot of birthdays. A lot of birthdays. No. You know, fans, we were just starting to be known. And so there was a... Well, there's different circuits. Yeah.

Club circuits. And when you get into that one circuit, and you get introduced to, it's like flying first class. Yeah, I mean the Eagles used to call their after party the third encore. Yeah. Oh, no, no. There was a bunch of those guys, and there was just two of us.

Yeah. That's the multiple there. But you'd go out, because I used to go out. Oh yeah, we'd go out, we'd party, you know, meet people and hey, have fun. Did you learn who not to go out with? Yeah. Who was that?

The bouncer or the crazy guy. The guy just came back from NAMM. He's got a 45. Hey, you want to see it? Yeah. Cops though, I've sometimes been befriended by cops. They can like get your places fast. Oh, yeah.

It's not the worst thing in the world. Yeah. I mean, I'm against police corruption fully, except when it benefits me even slightly. I don't think it's taking away from the safety of the other citizen. Just a minute, we'll turn off this camera. They get me to the game a little early?

I don't think it's, if there's a crime, I would say go,! Go! That's more important. I'd be an asshole not to and I wouldn't, okay? As long as... Oh, God. And there's such a temptation to take advantage of that. But yeah, cops are people. My dad was LAPD for 30 years. Really? Yeah.

And? And he only hung out with policemen and family. That was it. What is your assessment like of after knowing him that long, being his kid and seeing him like it made him angry or it didn't, it was his job but he was able to leave it at the office or you know? He was always angry.

He was always angry, he felt unloved as a child. Well he was unloved. Probably. Well, then he went into the wrong business. He was like a boxer and he was in the Navy, he was a radio man on a PBY, which is like a target. And then he came out of that. And all those guys in the World War II, they came out of that, and they were a little self-shocked, you know,

and they just wanted it to stop for a little while. I feel cops feel like everybody else doesn't really appreciate that they're doing something that you wouldn't do, that's super necessary to do, which is to keep the shit to shoe level. Yes, exactly. Right? And I think we'd all agree

that there are a certain percentage of people in this country, native or not, who are dirtbags, and we have to deal with them. And you're not appreciating it, and I don't think they're wrong. They also, I also have been very critical of them for like just actual things they do. Like stop firing the whole clip.

Like we fire more bullets. Like in one incident, this is true, then Germany once fired in a year. Really? Like Germany police, Germany once fired in a year. Like Germany police, German police fired like 89 bullets in a year, like 20 years ago. So 89 bullets, that's one thing like that, that I'm critical of.

And you know, just, and the bad attitude, just the, you know. Well you're trained to fire, you know. Unless you're training, and then you add that training to guilt. They need to redo the training a little bit, I think. Keep it up. But again, like, it's a job we can't understand. And it is super necessary. It made sense for my dad because he just came out of the Navy, and it was super necessary. It made sense for my dad,

because he just came out of the Navy, and it was a civilian Navy. There was structure there. He knew exactly what to do and where the law was, and how it was to enforce that. He liked that discipline in his life. But he stayed angry? Yeah, he was always angry.

I don't know why. The family didn't help? No. No, he was always angry. A neighbor, when he moved to Granada Hills, his little neighbor, John Cox, and I played with his kids, and he says, Oscar, you're the most level, even-tempered man I've ever met. He's always angry. Yeah.

But, yeah. Well, I don't think that's good for your health. No, I don't think it is. And then, when all those policemen, they drank. Of course. As soon as they got off duty. Yeah, and I think that's what they mean. That's what they're saying.

It's like, you know what? I do a job that's a little more important than yours and makes you a little more tense. Do you have to drink after your shift because of what you saw or you did or whatever? And I'm sure there are many days when a cop's life is just fucking normal, most of it. I mean, we see them riding around. But also, at any minute, it can be hairy.

Have you ever done a ride along? No, but I saw the movie. My life is a ride along. I did a ride along? No. But I saw the movie. My life is a ride along. I did a ride along. Is it? Yeah. You were in the back scene, Tom. That was, I saw the wrong thing.

Hey, listen, I was up there. I was right up there. It was funny, the first stop we made, I'm walking up with Jay, the guy in the car. And the lady that phoned it in, she looked at me, she said, oh, you got him, did you? He thought that I was a perpetrator. I was, oh. Oh, you caught him already. Yeah, and what did you learn on this ride along?

Oh, I learned that the adrenaline rush is so crazy. When what happens? When you're going to a call. Right. You don't know what's behind the thing. You don't know what's going on. Yeah, so I mean, being a cop, like imagine you're just riding around in your car with a couple of friends or one friend. But the little wrinkle is something

can come into your car over the radio that tells you to go to someplace where somebody's being violent. Yeah, that would be, I could see why you'd need a drink. And then you don't know who's got the gun and who's got what and what are you reaching for? And then being there, now you got, they're performing for you, you know.

So the cops were performing for me. Right, of course. It was a good performance, too. And the last thing they did was stop two ladies for no reason, you know, other than what's your number, you know. Right. I must say, of all the things that bugged me about cops,

that's like top of the list. Because I've never known a girl who didn't have a story about cops hitting on her. It's like, you know, guys are horrible. Like, everybody's got their own sort of scam. But that's one of the lowest. And I've heard every story, and it is a lot of that pull you over

and driving while pretty. That's the real problem in this country. Nobody talks about that. But it's kind of true. But I mean, when you give other humans But it's kind of true. Yeah, it's a good one. When you give other humans this monopoly on violence, first of all, they can use a gun. You can't. And there's a little bit of the Judge Dredd in it.

Remember Judge Dredd, the Stallone movie where the cop and the judge are basically the same person. They pull you over, and they're judging you. Eh, a cop can kind of do that. In the right situation, yeah. We got pulled over in Houston, remember? Coming back from fishing. That's because you're a Chinaman! And they're out to get you!

Why, you name Tong? Yeah. No, they... What, are you smuggling in chopsticks, Tom Brad? We had to listen to a lecture from the judge. The judge gave us a lecture. Hope you boys ain't in a hurry. Where is this now? Where was that? Coming back from the coast.

From Galveston, Ron? From Houston. We're heading for Houston. Yeah, but we were in Galveston. Yeah, we had been fishing. Yeah. We'd been out fishing. We did a gig in Galveston, and then we stayed for a day or two after that.

Yeah. You both liked to fish? I did. Yeah? Interesting. I've taken him out fishing before. I feel bad for the fish. Teach you guys how to fish and you'll... I can't quite do the hook in the mouth.

Oh, yeah. I know it's terrible. And I eat fish. It's not like, you know. You remember fish? I did when I was a child. Maybe it seared my conscience. I remember once going out, yes,

we had a house on the Jersey Shore. Mm-hmm. And went out, and there was like, you know, this thing. You could go to the fucking grimy-looking dock with the shitty shop that sold taffy and crap. I know exactly the kind. Okay. Sunglasses. The big t-shirts. You know, okay.

So, like, at that thing, the big part is out. It's burning at light. Okay, so there was a ship that went out, a ship. Oh. A ship? Yeah, it was Jeff Bezos' yacht. No. It was this fucking trawler that some guy, you know, and you could, you were guaranteed to catch, and we did.

I caught like ten Ling. Oh, Ling Cod? Whatever the fuck that was. I haven't heard of it before or after. Ling Cod, yeah. Ling? Ling Cod. You've heard of it? L-I-N-G?

Oh yeah, OK. I never heard of it. I never was in a restaurant. Try the ling. Some area, consider them garbage fish. I think, well, let's not insult different kinds of things. No. I mean, for the Chinese, which I am, we love that.

Everything comes back to China. Very good. Very good. I mean, I remember, and of course I was probably nine years old. And I think there's a picture of me with a string of Ling. A string of Ling. And I feel terrible about it. They must have, you know, back, this is the 60s. The oceans weren't overfished as they are now. So yes, probably there were schools of Ling. The ocean was teeming with life, which they slowly killed so they could have 10 year olds like me

enjoy the great American pastime of killing something. Killing of the Ling. And then eating it later in the ceremony. Well, you know, if we had eaten it later, I don't remember having Ling for dinner. Well, Ling is good. Steam. Steam Ling.

Steam Ling, yeah. Seriously? Steam Ling, God. Steam? Steam Ling. Yeah, yeah. Seriously? Yeah, yeah. Steam Ling card. Oh, Steam Ling, the premiere of China. Steam Ling. Steam Ling.

Steam Ling. Steam Ling. Steam Ling. Ta. His name is called Steamy. Steam Ling, ta. I hope in some small way, I've had you guys been in the same room together.

I'm not sure why that is, but it means a lot to me. No. Because I don't see you together a lot, and like I say, just for the fan, for the young man in the 22nd row, it just feels good that my idols like each other. We do. I know.

We do like each other. I know. I'm going to nag you about it. We know more about each other than our wives because I believe I made that point an hour ago. We spent a lot more time with each other on the road, you know, and you have that process, has to have.

Exactly, because the road gets lonely. Yeah. You're going to reach for a friend. Love is love, and love is a hurtful thing. Did you ever have to share a room at the beginning? Yeah. Like the Beatles. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You did, you shared a room, but not a bed. No. Was there sometimes sexual activity going on in the room with another person when you were in the room, but not with a person? Or with a person of your own? Before we answer that, discuss this with the attorney. Before we go back to you.

We refuse to answer that one, grounds that it will definitely incriminate us. No, no. Oh, that was such good murmuring. That was really professional comedic murmuring. Like a lot of people can do. Look, you guys, every time some asshole at an office in Des Moines, Iowa. Yeah. Does a lame, I was so stoned, I ate a bag of Cheetos joke. You guys should get a check every time some mailman does

a joke. Bring it. See, you're of the record generation, man. Oh, yeah, I had your records. All those. Oh, yeah, LPs. Yeah, that was... Yeah.

And then they switched to... I wish I still kept... I didn't keep the record. You know what I kept? The posters. Do you see the Supremes up there? That's from an album I had in the... Really?

Yeah, that's the Supremes. When they would put a poster in the LP. Wow, that's very nice. I'm not saying I used it as a masturbation device, and I'm not saying I'm not. I'm just saying it was 30 years before Pornhub. Maybe. That's what art is for. I feel like that actually really, I'm not going to say made me the man I am today, but the idea that you had to use imagination, and pretty much only imagination,

for what was the most important thing in your life at that age, was getting the pussy that I could not get. Yeah, exactly. I couldn't even talk to it. That whole process is... So painful. And it's different from everybody. There's variations on a thing.

Would I like to have a 17-year-old's liver? Yes, but if I had to take a 17-year-old's brain to go with it? No. Right. Yeah. That's the deal breaker. And you do some stupid shit. And I did some stupid shit at that age, you know, so I understand.

At that age, I forgive myself. I don't forgive the stupid shit I did at 40. Well, you know. That's what hurts, because you're supposed to be better. And women are better. That's when the courts come in. But women mature at 25. Most of them are just over silly bullshit.

The girls just want wanna have fun phase. They're into put a ring on it. It gets serious. Right? But not men. That's why like when I was 37, it's like oh my, I'm so old, so old. No, now you're dangerous, you know.

Now you have a car. And a nice car. You know, you can get into a restaurant. Girls are impressed by a nice car when they sit in a nice car. I noticed that. There's so many things I've noticed, never understood about girls.

But among them is that, cars. Like what, I'm not into cars. Who gives a fuck? Just, what? Am I right? What do you drive? A Lexus, I think. What do you drive, Chinaman?

Tesla. A Tesla. Typical comrade. He's always got the most avant-garde car of his time. Really? Yeah, Citroen Maserati one time. And it touched the highest. And it was stolen. And it was out of the repair shop. The Citroen repair shop was stolen. And it was gone for like three months.

And they said we called him and we found it. Came back with a burnt out clutch and I conquered the Baja sticker. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Really?

That is too much. And all the way to Mexico, you took it to Mexico, Tabaja one time, he came out of this store, and the kid was looking at his car saying, hey mister, is this your car? And he's like, yes, it is.

She's ugly. What the fuck? Yeah. That was the best one. He always has some... I love that you're not precious about doing the Mexican accent. Oh, no. But I mean, come on, just between us girls,

there are a lot of people in show business who are very precious. Oh, I'm sure. We're not girls. There are a lot of people in show business who are very precious. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. Who? And, you know, but funny's funny. Funny's money. At this point, it's nice to have a track record.

So, you know, it's a foundation. But I mean, like, who's it hurting? Some of you guys. Who's it hurting? I, some of you guys. You know, who's it hurting? I know. That's the thing. I mean, they are way too sensitive these days, don't you think? Uh, it's a sensitive time here.

Everybody's fucking sensitive. Right, but I mean, I don't know what exactly they could go after that you guys did. And partly, you're protected because you wear the magic armor of not being white. Well, see, that's it. So I don't think they would go after you. No.

But you look at any movie from 20 years ago, 30 years ago, I swear to God, you will not be able to go 10 minutes without finding something we just wouldn't do in a movie now. You know? Just people were different. Yeah. And the Moorings were different. Yeah, the rhythm was different. You know, it was a different music,

just like there was different music strains come through. I mean, people in the 90s, they hit women in movies, like The Good Guy. Yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah. Andy Garcia does it in that great cop movie with Richard Gere. Oh, the remake? No, it wasn't a remake. It was called Internal Affairs.

I think it's Richard Gere's best movie. He's awesome and he's the bad cop. Oh, you never saw that? Andy Garcia is the good cop and he's married to Nancy Travis and he hits her like and it's okay. He's the good guy. It's just like and it's even worse because they're like, well, he's a hothead. You know, you know, you know who the hotheads are? The Chinese! The Chinese hotheads. Name a song. It will be a very interesting story as it plays out to see who is the winner of the 21st century, because you could make a case for China. They have many advantages we don't,

like being a dictatorship. They could just decide to do something and they do it. They can build a bridge in 19 days if they want to. 2014, they declared a war on global warming. Yeah, they went way faster because they could just order people to do it. And they're a surveillance state, horrible surveillance state. Everybody's under surveillance.

We're getting there, but we're still kind of free. And people want to come here. And we have advantages they don't have. I mean, our tech industries kill in the world. Like, we are so dominant in the one industry that is the dominant industry. Facebook and Google and, you know, Apple and... They all want to be that, and they're not.

So maybe we'll stay supreme. Or maybe your side will win. I'm coming a you, Tong. Bow to you. But I won't forget my friends. Oh, good. What's your name again? Tong.

Tong. Well, that's a good reason to have some Republican friends. In case they win. You don't want to be that Guantanamo Bay thing you were talking about. It's nice to have some friends on the other side. Do you? I don't know. You don't have any Republican friends?

I don't. Yeah, I guess. You shouldn't judge people by that. No, just depends on how annoying they are about being Trumpy, you know? Well, I mean, not every Republican is Trumpy. Well, okay. But even when they're Trumpy, you don't have to talk about it all the time.

You know, I always say you can hate him. You can't hate everybody who likes him. Yeah. It's half the country. And there's some people you like. There's some musicians you like, I'm sure, who voted for Trump. Yeah. And they're just not bad people.

Yeah. It would take too long, and it's too misogast, and it's too political to get into why that is. It just is. First of all, I think politics comes out of people's personality. Like you have a personality first. No. Like you're a prig.

You're the Christian guy who's like poking in the wrong hole and, you know, God and I only kissed one woman. Okay, that's his personality. Now what party is he going to go into? The Republicans, right? He's just, that's, or, oh my God, I'm like scared of everything. And I think everyone should wear masks all the time, even at home, to prevent even one death. You know, there are people like that. What party are they going to?

The Democrats, right? Yeah. So it's all like personalities. But I don't hate people for their personalities. Because we all know that from family. You know, my uncles, some of them were like, oh, this guy's kind of a dick. But you know, he's our dick now.

My father's sister married him, and OK. I remember my parents' attitude was like, yeah, we get it. They knew he was Republican. They didn't love it. But it wasn't like a deal breaker. It's like we didn't have Thanksgiving and he is who he is. And that's what bugs me the most about what goes on today is the people who are like, I don't know, breathe the same air as you. Like, fuck off.

You're right. Yeah. I'm always right. Only everyone would understand that. We can save a lot of time. I'm telling you. Swayling Green is human. You've had a nice acting career. It's been good.

You do. Thank you. I used to watch Nash Bridges. That was, that was, you learned a lot about Cameron that show. Really? And it was fun working with Don and that cast. Always loved him. And we had a good rhythm, you know.

He is one of those good looking chicks of gods. You know, the girls want him and the guys want to be him. But he was always cool about it. He loves to have a good time. He loves to have a good time. But, yeah. Yeah. He loves it.

It was a, that was a, I stepped right into an hour show and that's like, takes over your life. That's all you do is the show. Right. And then you wake up and go there and. No, I remember in the 80s, I mostly made my living as an actor because that's what we all did as young comics.

I kept doing comedy on The Tonight Show and stuff, but it was like, no, you gotta get a sitcom. That's where everyone's mentality was. I'd be the next Freddie Prinze. Well, I mean, not everyone. Thank you very much. Good point. Bad example.

I'm sorry. That's okay. You know what? I'd worry about it, but like how many people watching even remember? It's a shame. He was a giant talent. I remember, do you remember him on The Tonight? When he, I mean, that was a major, first of all, there weren't non-white comics. Again, kids, we've come a long way, just in our lifetimes. But yeah, having a Puerto Rican, I mean, they were black comics, Bill Cosby and Flip Wilson. Yes, it

wasn't like quite that bad, but I don't remember a Puerto Rican one. I mean, that was his book, right? Was that, and his whole first set was about, you know, Puerto Rican and, Puerto Rican guy and things I do or what a Puerto Rican would do, you know. And America founded it. It was fun. Charming and confessional. And, you know, I remember that thing about my super

in the building, you know, and people are in Iowa like, what's a building? Honey, it's a place where people live, back when they crowd them together with all the minorities. Okay, a building, all right. So an apartment at a super is like, and when Freddie would go to a super, the super would always say, it's not my job.

It's not my job. Look how I'm saying it's not my job. It's not my job. Yeah. Look how I'm saying it in front of them. It's cool because there was still that west-east, east-west divide, you know, because of the predominance of Mexican culture out here in LA. Are we in LA? Yeah.

Or back east in New York, Puerto Rican culture was set. So there were two different sides of the deal. But he was playing, if you could compare it to music, and that salsa rhythm and that tune. Yeah, I always thought it was silly at best that the census would list like Latino, then lump in Puerto Rican, Mexican, Cuban. That's why they came up with this. It's Hispanic.

You're lucky they're not killing each other. Yeah. No, then they came up with the Hispanic. It's like, yeah. Yeah. And then Hispanics. And then for me, of course, Latinx. Latinx, no, that's after Chicano.

When I first became aware of the term Chicano, that's who I am. That describes me to a T. It's a Mexican American with a kind of defiant political attitude, you know, and confrontive, and his art is about that. And that's what I saw at the beginning of it. And it was a movement that, you know. That's what the word Chicano means?

Yeah, yeah. Just to you or? No, no. For a dude, it was... I never realized that. It was an insult from Mexicans to other Mexicans living in the United States. Because they were not Mexicanos anymore.

They were something else because they had moved to the other side of the border and they were living in tin shacks and they were, there was something less. They were chicos, they were little, little Mexicans and they were, there's something less, since they were chicos, they were little, little Mexicans, living over there, chicanos. And so they were los de abajo, the underclass. And so that's where, and so at the first,

it was an insult, and depending on where you lived, but over the years, as those, my father's generations grew up, always called themselves Chicanos, you know? Well, to show how far we've come again, like, I won't say this is when I was born, but not that long before I was born, the most prominent actor to play a Mexican in a movie was Spencer Tracy.

The old man in the sea. He did a couple of Steinbeck. Yeah. You know, that's who they... That's like us. All right, we need a Mexican-American casting call. Spencer Tracy. Spencer Tracy. Spencer Tracy.

And they just were, again, like. How much, number five, Egyptian pancake. Yeah. Just the level of change, like, to go from that to like, can you imagine, I always want to say to these people, just, just imagine suggesting that today. Yeah. Yeah, let's do Glenn Powell as the Mexican.

He would just fucking shoot you. Yeah, absolutely. But I have to say, Spencer Tracy, great as a Mexican. I mean, I was totally into it. I tell them. I think. I watched Giant recently. Is there? That's exactly the right reaction. Because I'd always heard it was great.

Like this classic. You remember the movie? Oh yeah. Okay, Rock Hudson, Elizabeth Taylor. At her height of va-va-voomdom. James Dean. James Dean. James Dean. Right before the, again, planes.

Oh no, that was a car, okay. That was a car. So, well, I was born to tears. But to me, it was like, oh, this great classic, it's gonna be great. I was, but I see why it was ahead of its time. It was 1956, the year I was like, oh, this great classic, it's gonna be great. I was, but I see why it was ahead of its time. It was 1956, the year I was born. And it's about racism in Texas

and how they treated Mexicans and, you know, that was new. You know. Big studio to do, yeah. Yes. Yeah. And so I think that's why that movie hangs on that reputation. Because it just did something. Yeah, groundbreaking. Yeah. And so I think that's why that movie hangs on that reputation. Yeah. Because it just did something.

Yeah, groundbreaking. Yeah. Well, there you go. Oh, well. Sometimes the wedge gets, you know, it's, you cannot look at any form of entertainment right now and not see some kind of Latin name in the credits somewhere.

I mean. on every level. You know, the world has just come such a long way. And the problem with the woke people sometimes is they really just hate to acknowledge the progress. It's like, I'm just being real. I'm not saying we should stop or that we're all there. But like what? The Olympics.

Like, I've watched the Olympics since I was a kid. Like, white countries had just white people. Now every country, and again, I'm not complaining about this. I'm celebrating it. Great. We're all mixed together now. But, you know, Ireland had black athletes. The only country no blacks, Russia,

which is why the Fox News crowd loves Russia. Because it's like the last place where like, mm-mm. We don't do that multi- Like Russians, no. Yeah, no, yeah, that's a drink. That's a drink. That's not a thing. A drink, not a thing.

That's Putin's motto. But yeah, like the world, I think I read in Andrew Sullivan's column that, like London, used to be, like in the 60s or something, like, I don't know, 10% non-white, and now it's like 80%. I'm sure I have those numbers wrong, But it's some huge number like this. Again, not complaining. Just saying, let's acknowledge this is where the world is. This is what liberals wanted. This is what we were asking for.

So, you know. Refine it now. Yeah, yeah, there's work to be done always, but let's pretend this is. But it's, I mean, just on a gastronomic level, we started going to London when I was 73, 73, right around 73, first time in London, and the food was horrible.

Horrible. It was just horrible. And it was the only Indian food or Chinese. Italian. If you could find them good. But over the years, boom, London was popping. With good restaurants. Oh, of course.

It's completely Americanized now. For better and worse. Well, they have international, you know? Well, but not just the food. I mean, I remember going to London the first time in the mid-'80s, and first of all, it was all white. Yeah. And there was like two television shows on at night.

Yeah. Like there was two stations, like BBC One and BBC Two. Commercial fun television just wasn't a thing. And this is the 80s. When I went back in the 90s, oh, then it was like the same game shows, but in British, the same. And we took some of them. Wasn't Simon Cowell's stuff?

Isn't that? There's just been a big cross-seating of American and British television. We liked the same bullshit. They'd have their version of like whatever, you know, Bachelor or Fuck Me Island or whatever it is. So yeah, we're probably two alike. So yeah, we're probably two alike. Where they used to, you know, I hope that...

I don't know what the state of it is now, but like... Well, London, expensive. Yeah. I haven't been there in a while. Have you been to London lately? Nope. Nope. Italy.

Italy. Italy. Italy. Yeah, it was the last time. You wouldn't know if you left the country? I was in Italy. Yeah? Sicily.

I have to pee. Yeah, I'm going to release you. I could talk to you guys all night. It's so much fun. I'm so flattered that you would just come here and do this. I know you don't do a lot of things together It just meant the world to me and like Every bad comic who does a pot joke Every bad comic who does a pot joke, oh yeah. That's a debt of gratitude.

Alright, I'll let you all go. Thank you. Thanks Bill. Great. Alright.