Club Random with Bill Maher - Dana Carvey | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: December 5, 2022

Bill Maher and Dana Carvey randomly riff on why comedians need therapy, Dana’s famous Johnny Carson impression and how Bill offended Johnny at the end, how Bill channels Johnny in his monologues, their collective take on Mike Myers, Dana’s first time seeing Robin Williams, Dana’s medical mishap, and Dana’s new scripted podcast The Weird Place.

Climb and now. I'm at Heaven already. I'm one of my idols is coming toward me and I have an ice-cold beverage. She's looking at that walk, you walk like you're 42. What do you, you don't have any tight hip flexor, you walk like a 42-year-old. I've never seen a spread like that.

You know what I thought working over here? I thought I'm gonna need the crying box tonight because I know you're one of those few people. Well, don't give too much pressure. Oh, no. You cannot help it. You cannot help it. Oh, you're so sweet.

No, really, you speak in material. It just oozes out of you. I can't believe you and I never did this. We have the same manager. Right. You're constantly referred to. We have the same manager. Right. You're constantly referred to. Day to the same women. I have a Dana Carvey tattoo on my neck.

I know. And yet we never really sat down. Well, I look at us as like what I think of the 80s and the improv in this long journey. And then now here we are. But we weren't together in the improv, were we? Not really, but you were around. But you were in San Francisco. Yeah, were we? Not really, but you were around. But you weren't at the time.

It's just good. Yeah, but I came down and bombed a lot. Your Bob Odin Kirk, right? It's fantastic. Did you have Bob on the show? I'm so high. No. Bob, no, I had him on real time.

I would love to have him on this show. Oh, get him a call. No, I would go on at 805 on a Wednesday at the improv. And just epic bombs, just horrible bombs. You know, Bob almost killed me. And I told him this when he was on. Bob motor car? Yes, he literally, I was at the Aspen Comedy Festival. The driver did the Aspen Comedy Festival.

Yes. It was like every year, oddly enough, an Aspen. Yeah, that was the strange one. We did it as an SNL thing there. We had the whole, really? Farly was sitting next to me that night. And that's where I did Bert and Kirk, Bert Lancaster and Kirk Douglas having sex.

And then 20 years later, I'm doing a photo shoot with Bill Hader. And he goes, you know, Lauren told me, funny thing you ever saw, and I go, what did Lauren say? He goes, was Berlaine Kasson and Kirk Douglas as lovers. Right. And to me, I don't word blue.

It was all the vernacular. It was all the rhythm of it. Well, and this is, because I did a movie with them. Oh, you did? Yeah, tough guys. Right before SNL. Oh, yes, it's guys.

And that's where I learned them. Number of tough. Not from Litch. I love them as a kid. And in his old age, Kirk Douglas used to send me lots of notes. We had lunch a couple of times. He was a real fan. Yeah. They would note and it would be in his writing.

And then they would send a printed copy because his writing was not good. Well, he was, Bert was a, Bert was 73 and he was like, had trouble with the lines. I'd say, do I really have to say this line? You know, and Kirk would always say, I'll say is land. I like to say land.

You go on. So they were, you know. But some, some impression is when I was a kid, used to do them together because- Oh, of course, Frank Orson was famous. Oh, because they, there was something do them together because... Oh, of course, Frank Orson was famous. Right. Because there was something about them that they were parallels, right? Yes.

Parallel rhythms, one very smooth. I can't believe you all... This is your first motion picture. I've done 71. So he's got this kind of thing. And then you've got a guy with a short tat like this. I don't know what to do. So what later I did them just leading to wrestle.

I'd like to wrestle you today. I'd like to wrestle. You know how long? 645, can and gruff. There's a gate on the side. Down, one, two, three, four, five. How much would you say four five? Shall I bring anything?

Bring lemonade. And that lemonade. We're gonna wrestle. Naked. That doesn't mean anything. Just two gentlemen, who's ever stays inside the ring. It's the champion. And that's what you're sharing.

As she had four, 15. So anyway, these are all musical rhythms in my head, Bill. But you're already a great audience. I need the box already. You're already a great audience. I need the box already. You're already a great audience. Yeah, for you I am. I'm actually, well, you know me, my reputation is pretty true to me when I really am.

I'm not a guy who just fakes anything. So I don't fake. That is true. You do not suffer food. For better or worse. And I like that. So when you get me laughing, that's me laughing. I'm not.

I got that. Yeah. No, all therapists want us to get a bit of you. My therapist wanted me to get a bit of a win. Not literally a stain bill, Mar. But say, you know, stand in love for yourself. Say what you mean, me, what you say. Don't be a pleaser.

Be real. That's what therapists tell you? For people like me, because the narcissist never go. What the fuck do therapists tell you? What, you're in therapy? No, I did five years. Conan introduced me to the therapist and Kevin Neeland went for a while.

So she would stack three comedians, and I was the third and I go, am I the funniest? Why did any of you three need fucking therapy? You know, the way you're saying it. Listen, Bill, here's the thing. It was very pragmatic. I bought a guitar for my nephew. Very nice guitar.

Then it was time for my birthday and I had trouble buying myself the guitar. And I go, well, this is weird. And I have millions of dollars. Oh, so fucking what? You know what, Dana? I... See, now that makes me...

Can I just say something serious to you? Yes. I've not known you for 35 years. Yes. We've been in my years from afar. And at all the time, I don't really know you. I have never known you to not know you at all. So I am going to pass judgment on you going to with.

Yes. Well, we watched each other from afar. But I just don't feel like I do know you. You do know. Like America does, because you're such an open giving performer. You know, so it's hard for us, me to believe that there's some creep hiding behind that. No, it wasn't really that.

Not a creep. Or anything not like you're such a normal guy, you're happily. I just had trouble saying no, just put it there. You know, are you have trouble saying no? To benefits and to gigs I don't want to do. Well, what did you just say? That's a talk show first.

All talk shows should have been this. Zip, this is a talk show. I don't know what this is, but the last time I had alcohol on a talk show backstage, it was Johnny Carson. And there was nobody else in the room, and it's such a cool place. I love this. I know. Let me just insert one thing.

Johnny Carson, this I do for my friends, this is not a bit. It's just a private thing I do. I don't know why I thought of it, but it always makes me laugh. Johnny Carson getting pulled over for drunk driving in 1972. Oh, sorry, I'm sorry,

I didn't know I was swirving. I had two shrippery monkeys at the hook and cook. See, and it's the language of the name of the cocktail in the location. I had two tomatorippery monkeys at the hook and cook. See, and it's the language of the name of the cocktail in the location. I had two tomato boom-boom's at the hickory. It's not even alcohol. I mean, we are both huge Johnny fans. Of course, it's a huge intersection.

I mean, was he okay with you doing him? In the beginning. Right. Because he was a prickly guy. I mean, when you got on the wrong side of him, it was as cold as the Nebraska win. Oh, yeah. It really was. And he got that from his mother, who was very cold.

And he was certainly the most charming man on the air. Yes. I mean, he certainly is who I wanted to be in my formative years. That was my first take, is the charm, and specific, the earnestness. And I took it too, for those of you that are on the air watching a television, or even with the old lady, she'll show you a, so you think your feed the chickens in the morning?

Is that, so his, the brass-doll earnestness was the charm. Right, that Midwestern politeness and graciousness. Yeah, genuinely. While he was also Peck's bad boy, he was also naughty, you know. Yeah, right. Because I didn't know that. But we did that.

He rode those two things perfectly. But off stage, he could be really cool. Once he went cold, that was it. I was just blacklisted. Oh, and he did that to you. Well, I just didn't get invited back, but I didn't blame him. There was, my thing was always really loving embodying.

It was the only time I was a performer. Didn't care if I got a laugh, because I internally I was laughing so hard. But Dana, it was hysterically funny, because I could see why he was mad at it, because you were basically a young guy calling out older guy out who had lost his step. And, you know, he was doing Florida Turbo at 67.

I know. Or El Moldo with the black, jet black hair, which now didn't look right on a 67-year-old. And sometimes he do a sketch where he'd have a diaper on or underwear, and he's just 58-year-old skin, it's just not, doesn't. 67 year old. And sometimes he do a sketch where he'd have a diaper on or underwear. And he's just 58 year old skin. It's just not, doesn't look good on television. Right, you know, that's okay.

And it was sort of formulaic at this point. The joke bombs, they go into T for two and he does a little tap. Jay would do any. And you captured that, which is not what someone wants to say. Sometimes it's what somebody needs to see. I've always vowed that if I became that, I would quit before they were making the jokes about it. Well, here's my theory that everybody

eventually becomes a character of themselves, whether it's Jack Benny or anybody. If you go on long enough, you're going, is that an impressionist or is that the real guy? So Johnny had jumped the shark on that, but he got out afterwards. But I didn't like the part where some writing got in. I was writing it with other people that made him senile,

because I didn't think he was there. He was from another era, but I didn't think he was sort of not with it, just like, Anthony. Johnny. Can I tell you my best Johnny story? Oh, I love it. Okay, so, and this captures, I think, both sides of him.

Yeah. So, it's the last time I'm on, and Jay was scheduled to take over in a few months, right? Right. Okay, so, I'm, and Johnny, I'm leaving by the end of the sentence, and there's Johnny, of course, has the first parking spot. And it was, he had like a Corvette. It was always a Corvette, I was gonna say that. It was not like a leather jacket, the Corvette.

It was so midwestern, it was like a... It's like Joe Biden in a while. I'm worth $150 million, but a Corvette, you know, I couldn't. Okay, so, and I don't think about cars or care about them, but he's in the, and I come out, and he can't get the car started. So there's a couple of aides who are, oh my fucking god, what are we gonna do, Johnny?

Yeah, Johnny's gonna blow his gasket. And I'm, you know, I'm at 28 year old, comic or whatever, I walk over and, you know, just kinda poke my head on my head. I was like, can't get it started. And I said, oh boy, I bet you Jay Leno would know what to do. And he goes, hmm, we'll find out how much he knows about television. Wow.

Uh-huh. Isn't that awesome? Confedative till the end. Like, yeah. And just like cold, but like funny kind of real edge and appropriate for the moment. And so he wasn't, I mean, he was very sharp. We'll find out what he knows about television.

Yeah, it's like, he could be an assassin. And you know what we found? I'm gonna cut you from your sturm down to your spleen, you know. And you know what we found out? Jay knew a lot of our television. Jay, 22 years, number one. They got fired twice for the sin of being number one. Jay would.

And he had his finger. No joke. He knew exactly how long his monologue should be and what the metrics were. I've never known a brain who could take show business and analyze it and make it really simple. And he normally was right. Oh, yeah.

No, I mean, that show was certainly different and make it really simple. And he normally was right. Oh, yeah. No, I mean, that show was certainly different than Johnny's show. And you could say it was, you know, Johnny, at first, how you used to have an author on, you know, Gorgavadol would get 15, that went away. And of course, it was, as the country got dumber, the show had to get dumber with it. And it could get cut, I. And it got Dumber after.

I'm not blaming the host. You have to play to where the audience is. The audience is too stupid now to watch Gorbidol for 50 minutes. Right. And Jay was exactly right for his era. It was not a dumb show at all. But it wasn't what Johnny was. It wasn't just talking. It was more of a party. Yeah. Because that's where America was. And it became even more so now.

And there's a picture, I guess, of his look magazine in 1968 or something, but Carson was a sex symbol in a rock star in his prime, you know, completely. Absolutely. And why I wanted to be him. He wasn't just funny. funny. He was sexy. You know? You're one of the few, you know, Vijac Benny to Johnny to Conan, he does, Conan would do the kind of the passive look to the camera as he's the, you know, the fall.

And you do this little heel lift. My monologue. Yeah, which is great, and it shows you how great Johnny was. That that's just something about it, says fun. I am always doing Johnny in My monologue. Yeah. Which is great, and it shows you how great Johnny was. That that's just something about it says fun. I am always doing Johnny in the monologue to a degree. Yeah. Absolutely. That is so in my blood from watching that show, from the time I could sneak it when I

was 12. Oh, yeah. I didn't miss one episode through college. You know, that was just what I lived for. And, you know, and you're right, it comes, he, Carson used to always say he was doing Benny, you know. Sometimes, yeah. There was a, there was a Benny, you know, Benny was more like Belzö has to have the great,

you know, O'Rachaster. Yeah. Roll me a joint and turn on the stereo. That's pretty good. It's Richard. Yeah, Richard Belzö. Belzö are doing it, but the line is what I, I'm a journalist. That's pretty good. It's Richard. Yeah, Richard Belles. It's Richard Belles.

But the line is what I've looked. Yeah, of course. It's specificity. It was so lame. When he used to do that, I used to think, wow, I'm so hip. I'm a geturizing star and living in New York and a shitty apartment.

This guy's like talking about rolling joints, making fun of old people like Jack Benny. Yeah, you know. One of those impressions would still survive in the 70s. Jack Benny, I could do Jimmy Stewart. You can't do Carrie Grant anymore. You can if you're rich little because you suck. And you're doing a show at four in the afternoon in Las Vegas.

Yeah, I don't know how blue you can be on it. This is just blue. Are you kidding? Carrie Grant. It's just us, sweetheart. Carrie Grant is a gay man. He used to do this at parties. Carrie Grant was half,

yeah, it's been a pleasure. Excuse me. I do believe you're sitting on my penis. That was, you know, I can't. There's no place to do it, but here. Why biggest people don't know Carrie Gray? No, I don't know. If you don't even know him, it's a funny voice.

It's a then credible voice. I get thought about cruises. So, you know, you just do stuff backstage. Well, I mean, first of all, there are, look, if you eliminate everything that doesn't get on a young person's radar, I mean like Gen Z on your 25, you wouldn't say anything. Yeah. You just shut down.

That's why it's only the politicians that are famous now and mass basically. I don't know a young movie star to, maybe Chris Pratt, I've never tried to do him, you know. Oh, I think you do a great Timothy Shalamy. Come on, give it a go, right here right now. I'm Timothy Shalamy. No, I've, you know, all you do is if you can't do the impression, you say the name of the guy you're doing in your halfway home. But I never consider myself a pure impressionist. It was something that I did.

Of course not. Yeah, no. Because I'm still known for Garton. Churchill, ladies. You're just known for like I said. You just know you're just going to laugh. Whatever it is, you're a five-tool player. You know, you can just be a reaction comic who just says funny things and reaction to something else. Or you can do the impressions, sketches and characters. They're not impressions you can do the impressions, sketches, and characters.

They're not impressions, they're just, I mean, Garth is not an impression. It's a character. It's a character. Well, thank you, Bill. It's a character that, well, I don't want to get into like, where has he come from?

Well, I would like to know that, actually. That's basically an extrapolation of my brother Brad. I had three older brothers. Is that right? And Brad would kind of talk about that. I could do it. That's why Garth had stun guns, Garth got a science bent. And it was just a funny, it's a super nice character

to sit in, because he's such a good guy. Yes. This is a good show, Bill. And an idiot, which is nothing is funnier than an idiot. Yeah. Kind of a sweet idiot. There's a cocky idiot, which is Hans and Franz. It's a million kinds, because the reason it's a million kinds of idiots,

because it's the best staple is somebody, and it makes the audience feel great, because the audience are like, Hey, I'm smarter than that guy. Right. Well, also, the secret of that, it wasn't a secret, but Wayne's world, like the two losers in town, they're an AMC pacer, they're cruising around,

they just have catchphrases, and they don't have nothing, but they're having more fun than anyone in the town. And that's always just comforting. And who was the other guy in that sketch? Michael Myers. Oh yeah, Michael. He's my mother. He always struck me as a weird duck, talented, but weird.

And who is Canadian? Yeah. I mean, I just, I don't know. Not everyone speaks well of them. I don't know them well. One night, I was like, we're very good friends. I'm so glad to hear that. Yeah.

You meet people over a period of time and then you come back around to him and you suddenly kind of understand them. And maybe they understand you. And we have so many firsts together. We got, oh yeah. No, no, you were in the trenches together. I spent one night, it's not that long, there maybe a six or seven years ago, we saw, oh yeah. No, no, you were in the trenches together. Yeah, yeah. No, I spent one night, it was not that long.

There maybe still could have seven years ago. We saw each other at a party. And when we decided we went out to the beach to some bar, where the fuck are, I don't know. So we were in a car together, at a bar together. It was a long night and then he dropped them off with his hotel. And I felt like, oh, that was interesting.

And he was nice. But I have no idea who that is. You know, oh, that was interesting. And he was nice. But I have no idea who that is. You know, like, I didn't. I know he loves his family. Yeah. And that was mostly what I got. But I couldn't get, like, some people like that are there are geniused characters.

And maybe it's because they want to just be characters. They are there. There's something going on with who they really are and the characters and maybe the characters rob some of their real person. Yeah, he's a sensitive guy, you know what I mean? Toward the end of Robin's life. I really, he was up in Marin County where I was.

And really got to know that side of Robin, the powerhouse on stage, and then they'd be- The wife Robin. Robin Williams. The wife. A Robin Williams. Wasn't his wife Robin? That was Mike Myers. Oh.

Yeah, so you're, that's good memories, yeah. But who are we talking about Robin Williams? Oh, well. Just another very sensitive guy, like you wouldn't use a certain kind of sarcasm around him or you wouldn't look in the mirror and go, well, we're getting older. Yeah.

He was just very sensitive, you know, and I got to understand that side of him and then we became good friends and then. You did with Robin because you're both San Francisco, right? I just couldn't, he was so intimidating to me, even, you know, especially in the early days. He was there, my first set, Robin went on stage. What year were you talking with?

We're talking 1976. 76? I've had to even before Robin, went on stage. What year were you talking about? We were talking in 1976. 1976? I've had to even before when I went on. 76 and I just saw a thing in the paper, I was living in the frontage road near San Francisco airport with my brother and his roommate in a shithole and we were just smoking weed and playing risk and I was taking a night class to San Francisco's state

and I saw a thing in San who served to the state. And I saw things at the Center for Chronicle, local comedians over on Telegraph Avenue in Berkeley. I didn't understand, I just knew famous, Don Rickle saw anyway, I went over there, and I was watching the show, and I took out my napkin and I started to write things down because I kinda could do Howard Cosell, or I thought, maybe I could do this.

It was just 20 people on a shithole on the back of a bakery in Berkeley. It wasn't planned. It was just spontaneous. Yeah, and I had a couple of friends with me and then this guy comes up and he just loads up the room. I mean, just levitate the room. Robin.

Yeah, and I put the napkin back in my, because I didn't know it was Robin. I thought, maybe there's a lot of these guys. Just the idea, I, you know, people went around and around about him, but at the end I just thought, okay, he created this character of a Shakespearean actor that's gonna come out and try to do stand-up. And everything's gonna be chaotic.

And there was a method to it, but it was sort of a brilliant creation, because he was so worried worried he kept apologizing to me and I go, no, you didn't. No, he thought I just, he stalled stuff from me. I say, well, he was accused of stealing when he did more commandy. I know. He would admit to that, you know?

Well, okay. He could absorb anything, you know, I mean, he could. Right, but I've never seen anybody. He wasn't my favorite comedian, but I am kind of an awe of when I would say like a HBO special or something. Like, there was just a level of excitement in the room. The whole time he was in the,

and the amount of like, you know, laughs that are like tens, you know, real funter clap left, that he would get like close together. If I'm just looking at it in America, it was, you know. He was a machine. Like, just like, like, if they had stats on that thing. It was, you know, Barry Bond's is 73 homers, you know,

it was just, and he was on steroids also. Like, but it was just, and he would be in this stinky sweat. Yeah. You know, I mean, it was, those of you over there, and it's just like, for those of you on acid, this is a first B. And it was all very fast. Oh, the fruit flag.

Right. And all chaotic and so energetic. You can't follow that as a monologist. You'd have to make money for it. No. You know, it was, Yeah, it was a hurricane. I don't think they could even imagine something like that in the era we were talking about.

I mean, imagine Jack Betty following that. I mean, those days... It was all organized and tidy. But also... When you look at those old tapes from those old timers, like, they could go two minutes without a laugh. You know, the audience had just so much more patience back then. Yeah.

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That's 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com slash random. That's 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com slash random. Manscaped, get your jingle balls ready for the holidays. We have this guy on Jonathan Height this week, Friday. He's all about how the phone has just ruined the minds. And I'm talking about physically ruined the minds of everyone who came along after 2009 when they, when it phoned again, if you were a 10 year old and you got the phone,

they can't concentrate. Yeah. I mean, your kids are grown now, right? Yeah. Like they've kind of missed it. They're in their late 20s, so, you know. Late 20s, you have kids. Oh, she said.

Well, 131 actually. I don't know. I know, is it strange? It's, it, well, like I feel like all my friends go through passages and I'm always in the same, that's what's happening. Nobody, I am the rest of the development. It's like I like 27 and I'm gonna stay here.

I don't know, just stay't know. Nobody who's married with Joller unless they're a fool would try to get you on our team. Oh, not you. I wouldn't. In a second, I would never do that. People do. That's a big thing. That's pathetic. Marriage proselytizing is a big thing and would never do that. And a lot of messaging is about that. I'm going to do a thing for extra content later, but I'll just tell you the idea. It's easier. Well, I just watched these movies in the bathtub.

You know, like I have a bathroom. Is your like scarface? Yes, exactly. I'm very much thinking. I've got a bubble bath. I'm going to kiss you. Fuck them off. Why are you flowering? You're going to show parloria. You're a camera there, you're gonna bubble bath. You're gonna live on a kitchen, you're gonna fucking mouth. Why are you, fly away, you're gonna show Parole,

you're a Kamagabavish, you're on the next day. You're a Kamagabavish, I just love inhabiting Puccino's Q and X and. So you're in a big bubble bath tub, you're single, you're a multi-millionaire, you've got a hit TV show. And I don't know who, who. So I'm watching...

So like, I have a TV in the bathroom, yeah, so I could watch there. And is it a sidesy tub? I want to just see Bill Buf. Yes, it is a sidesy tub. So probably tell me your why or something. Yes, it is a sidesy tub. Yes, I'm by myself. It's a nice sides tub, but I'm by myself.

Watching movies? Well, you know, like not... I don't get through a whole movie. I'm not taking a take a 90 minute bath, but I'm not a crazy person. But like the kind of thing I would watch in the bath, I'm actually opening another beer. I never thought this'd take it. I can't wait to get on the cold water again

with a few of these in me. Sorry, I'm sorry I didn't know I was swimming. I had a strawberry nightmare at the windy shower. And if this was that old kind of talk show, I'd be like, so, somebody told me you had a weird thing happen on a cold one. I don't know. Yeah.

It's so, when we think of how far we've come from how stupid that was, right? It was so, and that is what got to him, that it was time for the king to fall. You know, some people are not, you know, built for longevity past like a certain point because as great as he was, the generations were ready. Well, he thought that Benny and Hope had stayed too long. He did not want to be that, but

maybe he went out a little on ceremony. He bit to me once about Bob. A person who doesn't know him, I was just backstage, he had seen me, I did 30 times. So he liked me, obviously they kept having me back, but we weren't like buddies or anything. Right, and he's opening up to you. Yes, and I'm backstage, and I think I guess hope was on that night. And he just, well,'m backstage and I think I guess hope was on that night and he just This guy. Yeah, yes, I eat 100 pounds. I go really. Oh, yeah

And wouldn't do a pre-interview and like all this stuff and it was true Bob Hope was so bad He was just living on his legend And I remember they I was on that show and they had these pictures like so they had to like Bob wouldn't like Preparing so they would just what are we gonna do with Bob? Okay, so they got like all these pictures of just his whole life here and there and here and there and The two I think ever things I remember that he said when they showed a picture They showed one of him dressed with a pontiff outfit and he goes his crack-add lib was There I am was a pope. Yeah, okay Thanks Bob crack at lib was, yeah, there I am, it's a pull. Yeah, no, no. He knows that. Thanks, but I love the idea of just guys going into their 90s.

Oh, I just can't ever let it go, but he would shoot on Carson. He would use his studio to shoot his specials. He'd move the herfels around. He never respected Carson. And nobody else was above Carson. No. But at NBC, you know, and of course, just at a respect. Johnny was, yeah, he could be cold, but, you know, he got it.

That Bob Hope was a legend and, you know, he handed me my Emmy. Bob Hope? I want an Emmy and Bob Hope gave it to me. Really? Don't you have stuff like that in your life this? Certainly not someone ending me an Emmy. Oh, really? I'm going to make a phone call.

Oh yeah, 40 nominations to put there. Can we go back to the Setsy Tub for a second? Cause I think your fans want to see you. Oh yeah, okay. So. I mean, I just like the image of you. So, you have to this, you know, whatever your vibe is,

there a day in a election. So what? Okay, I will go back, but where did you quit pot? So you're like, I will go back, but what year did you quit pot? Probably, I smoked it, it's quite a bit, maybe at 20. You said when you were living in that place, you were smoking pot all day. Oh yeah, or a lot, but I don't, you know, we would... So where'd you go wrong? I got, you know, at some point I got a little paranoid on it and a little anxious.

That's that is understandable if it makes you paranoid. But when I when I did the Mickey Rooney show in New York with Nathan Lane, the sitcom that I did with Nathan Lane and Mickey Rooney, you may not know, my first job in that were television. Which was it? One of the boys. It only ran a few months. A few months. With Mickey Rooney and Nathan Lane. Mickey Rooney and all of us. Mickey Rooney was so convinced that I was gay because you know, I had the kind of,

Lenno used to say me at the end of the crowd. Right. Yeah, hey, Dan, don't go to prison, you know. And you know when I went on the prison, yeah. So, and he only comes up to your belt buckle. Oh, he was yelling. I'm a fire plug. What was he like?

He must have been a hell. One of the craziest people had a 38 revolver that he would swing around. He said this, if he didn't, once he said it a thousand times. And I'll say it exactly the way he said it and exactly the manifest the little quirks of it. I was the number one star in the world. Hear me?

Bang! The world. And that was the thing he did all the time. Right. And it's funny. I was going to ask you that question. I think I must have heard that before. Well, that he was obsessed with what he what he what and it's like so sad and you know

when people are like jealous I understand why we have great lives a lot of us in fuel business is fun but when you see a lot a lot of it is not a lot of it is a guy who obviously is tortured his the vast majority of his life because he's not the number one. He was the number one star. And then he, he, it is not, you know, he's relying on something for happiness that was always going to be too ephemeral. Yes, and he called up the head of warners in 1955, he said, this is Mickey Rooney, I need a job, and he hung up on me.

He's just looking off into space, you know. Mickey, and he had every sexy woman. He was the Pete Davidson of the 1940s. I said, Mickey, how did you do it? And he said, money makes you a handsomer. Oh. But when I intersect, yeah, which is handsomer, I don't know if that's a word.

I know, it's good though. But man, it's a great old version. When I intersected with him, he was doing sugar babies on Broadway, getting 50,000 a week and 50,000 for the sitcom. And he was at the race track all week long. We would just rehearse to his stand-in. And he would always have like at least 5,000 and cash.

And he put it in front of my face and say, think I can afford lunch. He was finally flush after 50 years. He put it right under my face and say, think I can afford lunch. He was finally flushed after 50 years. He put it right under my face. And he... But the fact that he wanted to do bits for you is kind of complimentary. I mean...

Well, you know, he was like Sammy Davis, Jr., he was an impressionist. He played the piano. These old-school guys, I'm saying like... They do everything. Yes, it's great to be in show business kids and yes, it's a good life, a lot of it's fun. It's also mostly shit for most people

who go into it. And then there's this neediness. I mean, my friend, Hiram Kastin told me this, funny comedian told me this story about Jerry Lewis. He sees them, I mean, this is like a long time ago. But you know, probably the 90s. And he sees Jerry Lewis on a plane. And he's like sitting in the same row, but like, it was one of those back when there was like four in the middle. But there's like, I guess, whatever. He could see him on the same row on the other side of the plane. So he goes over to him

and, Mr. Lewis, I'm a comedian and I'm a great admirer. And Jerry's really nice and you know loves that he's a comedian and then he goes back to his seat. And he said he didn't want to look over after that for a long time. Didn't want Jerry to think he was looking at him. So after like 20 minutes he looks over and Jerry's got the headset, like on twisty notice space. Like he must have been holding that position for 20 minutes, waiting for Hyrum to turn around and see him.

That's funny. The need is. 20 minutes. I know. That's what I'm saying. The ego, I think. Yes, but that's not ego. That's neat.

I need this. I just met, or I want to give, you could look at it, I want to give him this life. I think it's a lot of that. But I never had that love of like, I got to get on stage tonight. I got to get that approval. It never appealed to me.

Never meant anything to me. But how many live dates do you do a year? Not much. No? Not this past year, because pandemic kind of slowed down. I did about five in the last six weeks, you know. I always ask you to do Hawaii, I try to do Hawaii. Yeah, I know, I know.

We have the same manager for all the peace and... I'm not against doing that. What if he went? Would you go if it was him? Yes, would not be fun. I have a kid. It's so much fun. It's four days.

Does your audience know this? It's a jet. Four days to fun. What a jet. Have fun. Yes, we do two shows. We do Maui on the 30th. And we do New Year's Eve.

What are the dates? Oh, it's New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve in Honolulu. We fly in on the 28th. We have a club. I know how to live. I really do. Yeah. Everyone who's on this trip loves it so much.

Gilbert was supposed to do it this year, and then that asshole went up and died and to get somebody else, but a luckily Jeff Ross. Jeff Ross is going to be great now. I mean, I just saw Gilbert's, oh yeah. When I went out and the kids I came to my show with my square garden, and we are all just, feel so deprived.

Not just for the trip, but for the singularity. Well, and it was gonna be, after 40 years of knowing him, it was gonna be our vacation together. Oh. So let's do it before you fucking die, or I fucking die. Well, what's your cholesterol numbers? Down to it. I'm not, I'm not a hard guy. I know everything about that stuff. I'm not a hard guy. I know everything about that stuff.

Right. Didn't they fuck up an operation on you? Yeah, well, they just didn't improve the situation. I thought they did the wrong operation. They... I thought that's what I heard. Well, yeah. Whenever I talk about the stuff,

usually people glaze over and like, they're either queasy or curious. I'm fascinated. Yeah, okay. So I had familial hypoclestremia. So my cholesterol was 400, 500. Because it's the wrong kind to call it. Genetic, and it's the wrong kind.

It's sticky kind. This sticky kind. And within this sticky kind, there's people that have less sticky kind. So I had, you know, at 42, I'm running and just starting feeling this kind of burning in my throat. So then I found out I had almost a hundred percent blocked

lower anterior descending artery, your left main artery. Everything else is great. So that blew my fucking mind. So in other words, it was imperative to do something soon. Well, they would stent back then in 90. Stent, right? Yeah, but the stents were kind of sort of bare metal

and sometimes they would re-stenose, which means the artery was not prepared for a controlled injury inside it, so it would build scar tissue. And that would block you up again. You're not having more coronary artery disease, it's actually scar tissue. So they kept rotor-rudering that on in and out.

And I'm doing dates in Vegas, getting the feeling, oh, it's gotta go back. This went on and on and on. And then finally they go, well, you're a Reese to No, sir. My doctor was from India. You're a Reese to No, sir. So then they said, you probably should do a bypass. Two mammary arteries, very simple.

The first time. I'm a mammary artery. Yeah, your mammary arteries never block up. I didn't know I had them. You have them. If you ever need a bypass, use them. You never block up. I didn't know I had them. You have them. If you ever need a white pest, use them. You never want, they're very valuable. Because they don't come out.

Can I use them for sex? I don't call them that. Let's go back. They're called memory art. What happens in that tub? We've got blood and tits involved. I don't see why we couldn't talk. To you, this is a kind of a sexy story.

Well, I'm just saying memory artery. Yeah, memory art artery sounds like a band that I would see at the Roxie. That's right, it just sound like a heavy metal. With a memory artery. Chapsalically, maybe they could open for the chopper. Chapsal broccoli. Why that thing lasted 40 years?

Maybe you could have a downfall. It's funny, you're funny. In today's hyperpolarized media environment, it often feels like you're forced to pick aside the echo chambers and mainstream outlets or the conspiracy-heavy corners of social media. If you're not satisfied with either of those options, come join the lost debate. It's a show for anyone who wants to escape their bubble and engage with ideas from across the spectrum.

With the kind of good faith discussions, we need more of us as a society. Laws DeVade is hosted by Robbie Gupta, a former Obama staffer and school principal and superintendent who spent years on the frontlines of America's political battles working to preserve our democracy. And Ricky Schlaugh, who joined me on real time a few months ago. Ricky is a Gen Z New York Post columnist and libertarian, fighting to protect free speech for her generation and beyond. Together they cover all the latest news, arguments, ideas, and trends with balance and nuance. They have constructive discussions that sound less like shouting cable segments and more

like conversations between real people. So come join the conversation. New episodes of Lost Debate drop twice a week, every Tuesday and Thursday. Find them on Amazon, Spotify, Apple YouTube, or wherever you get your shows. Funny rhythm, but anyway, you're gonna Hawaii.

Well, just, yeah. You're really sure. What kind of jet? I'm really into jet. I mean, it's not a hawker 800. 13C and bring Jimmy Vowell the great piece. So for you people, that's probably a challenger or a Gulf stream. I don't know.

I just know what it looks like. And I'm sure I should feel guilty about it, but I know because. Well, yeah, come on. I always say this now. The only people who don't fly private are the ones who can't. Anybody who can would, except for Greta

and a few other people. And we're not really doing anything. I don't see as a group of humans to solve this problem. We keep talking about what we don't really do anything. I just don't feel like me doing, adding this is making a difference. And we either do this as a group.

I'm just not gonna be the one schmuck. No, I'm not enjoying my life if we've all just decided. All humans who've ever been on a private jet, understand it, all of us understand it. I used to do a- Turn the kids want, they have- Right, a Thunberg is fading as an impression. You're like, I had a two.

I have a four- second impression of her, a 14 year old high school kid with Asperger's and lecturing the world. It's just two words, three words. How dare you. How dare you. So that was- Now when I understand her plight and I'm sympathetic to it,

I think she's a brave person. But I also think she is not representative of her generation who loves love to blame us. You wreck the world, yeah, like you're doing it differently, like you're not driving. Right, you're just with Greta on a sailboat all the time. You're using cars as much as we did, so shut the fuck up.

You know what, we're all decided that we're just gonna drive over the Grand Canyon and have a great time on our way. And as long as that's what we decided, I'm not gonna be the schmuck driving a free-fart car. We are gonna do this, basically. We're gonna try to get to the renewables when they're practical and they can take over fossil fuels.

Nobody, everyone's a Republican when the lights go out. Right. Everybody. That's fucking my life. That sounds like one of those books where they're standing on the cover, hold it with their arm folded, everyone wants a Republican when the lights go out. My plan to save America, tear that dress off your son and kill criminals and bomb Mexico.

Bomb Mexico into the stone age. I'm Dick Cheney, everyone's a Republican on a life go. Yeah, hey, you know, but yeah, I think we'll be fine. I mean, I read Matt Ridley and beyond Longborg and other alternative, not deniers. No, not exactly. We will migrate, we will get, we'll build jobs, we will do it. Finally, let's all do the right thing plan didn't work. That missed it, but that's not much. That's it by that much. We were on board. It's just, and now India and China, those countries and many others...

They're going to live with it. Well, you know, they were... Now, there are many of those people who are just coming into the middle class. So, it wasn't an option for them to have cars and refrigerators and fly on the plane. In conditioning. And air conditioning, especially.

And now that they can have those things, their attitude is, wait. Wait a minute. We, oh, I know. And the Africans too. They're like, wait, wait. You used it all up. Yeah.

And now we can't have air conditioning because we have to all be good now. We have to fan ourselves like in the 17th century while you're in an ice box after your life. Yeah, exactly. I don't think so. Yeah. I mean, yeah, just not going to fly. We're going to be fine.

You can eat. I'm a rational optimist. I think this is a great character for us to do together. Two third world guys because we strike people as third world guys. Bitching about half first world people used up all the resources. And that's the whole bit. We never deviate from that one complaint. We got fucked.

And by the first world. You don't have to name these characters, because you're a character. You just, yeah, you need a little catch-frazy character. Well, you do a show with David Spade. You have a, yeah, it's fantastic and doing fantastic. It's doing very well. Well, again, there's a guy like you who's just very, he did the Hawaiian trip.

He was the first. Oh, really? Yeah, Spade is, we mixed together. I love bouncing off. I know you do, it's obvious. It's a good friendship. It's the most natural, Spain is, we mixed together. I love bouncing off. I know you do, but obviously it's a good friendship. We're very good friends. It's the most natural, of course, a friendship of 30 years or something is gonna be.

But also, let me ask you this question. Is you go through the journey of life, you can disconnect kind of, like, Spain and I, I would maybe go six years without seeing them when I was in New York and... Or, of course, doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. And then you see your friend and it's like five seconds.

Absolutely. So. No. So it's nice that you get to like now see him like work gives us always the excuse to be with the people we really love. I always say to people ask me about comedians, I say, look, if you're at a boring party with bankers and normal people, not to become bankers, and you're their suffering. Or normal people, so.

Well, just not comedians. You're suffering through it, and then a comedian comes in. These are generic and they're sort of clichés. You're talking about your fans. Okay, it'd be nicer. Normal people are great. No, no, I know that. I'm talking about the very boring of the normal...

Oh, the ones who aren't our fans. Yeah, not our fans. Our fans are small, especially yours. Well, I always feel like my fans, literally are people who I probably could be friends with a lot of them if I knew them in person. Because it's just like, it's a way of thinking. Sensibility.

Sensibility in a way of thinking that like if you if you like that and it certainly isn't for everybody, but if you do, you tend to like it a lot. And you probably are your open mind. And I think we would be friends. Yeah. And to clarify that, I think it's more like a comedian is a sensitive instrument in some ways. And we're trained to, you know, poke fun at the right thing, know what's wrong in the

room, where's the elephant in the room. And so we're all used to that. We're speaking the same language, you know. So that's okay. So, but so you're in a party. I know you do. I love, I love all do. F***. F***. No, no, I love all people. Anyway. But you run a party with bankers, those f***s. Look, I lived in Granny's Connecticut. Okay.

Well, that explains all. Yeah, exactly. Well, I was doing the Dana Carve show. What? But, does that explain a lot? I don't know. Now, you're a d***. We just a rhythm thing.

No, that's funny. That's right. That explains a lot. So I went to the procto. It means absolutely nothing. I went to the procto. No. That explains a lot. That's the Carson rhythm.

I know so you can just sometimes get a laugh or for rhythm and it doesn't have to mean anything, you know? Well, that's the best laugh. That's everything to me. Well, you can say. But I do really admire people who can write good jokes. Because I don't write jokes. But people who can write really write, you know.

I'm gonna go back to writing them in an hour. I have a real job. This is just my hobby. So when, okay, now I wanna, you get, the saddest stuff has happened. Your day's done. Do you go into a little room and office and you unplug everything

and you got your monologue you're working on for the show this week? Yeah, monologue is something. When you stand up is always around, bits. No, I stand up. Yeah, I just got off the road this weekend. Do you have a new bit that's working? Oh, I got plenty.

What's the line that's killing now? You know, you're in a joke of mine? I am? I name check you in a joke of mine? I am? I name check you in a joke. That's awesome. You want to hear the bit? Oh, yeah. Okay, well it's at the end.

And it's at the end of my act. And it's a lot about how parents overprotect their kids these days. And I think everything is asked backwards to the parents. You know, parents, I want to do all the jokes with parents apologizing to their kids. I, it's a kid-centric world. It's a kid is. It used to be a kid you just have to be seen. Hey, buddy.

Yeah, ready, you know, a lot of it. Hey, buddies. Yeah, they're old objects. And, you know, and there's a thing about like, oh, they're apologizing to their own kids, you know. I let you down, buddy. You know, cause dad cheated or something. This is the plot of so many movies,

TV shows, and real life. This is all killing. Yeah, I see you. And maybe when you get older and you learn what an erection is, you'll be a little more forgiving. And then I talk about how like, and actually, even when people say,

you shouldn't think with your dick, you shouldn't let your dick run your life. Why not? It's gonna win anyway. That's great. Okay, so, and then your part comes, why? I'm like, and this is true,

there's all comes from the truth. Yeah. And I didn't used to talk about my personal life as much as I do now. It's funny the way, for some reason at this age, I can look back 20 years and it's not creepy to talk about relationships, whereas it's not creepy to talk about Relationships words. I don't want to talk about relationships that are current because I'm too old people You have to be there've been married and have children or shut the fuck up

But if I say 20 years ago, so I say a couple of times in my life Far from being a detriment. I see what you're going my penis actually protected me There's a couple of times and I won't go into detail a while What? I see what you're going on. My penis actually protected me. There was a couple of times, and I won't go into detail a while, but there was a couple of times when I was about to have sex with someone, who I really should not have been having sex with. I know where it's going.

And my penis was like, nah, not gonna, wouldn't get prudent, and then I say, that's how sophisticated my dick is. It can do Dana Carvey doing George Bush. Oh, God, that's great. Not gonna do it, not gonna go there. Penis, a rack, foreskin ready, thrusting hips, area willing, gonna negate it, closing area down, blanket onated, closing area down,

blanket on it, sponge it down, go out to the side, masturbation, take that desire down, into a potted plant, keep the plant where it is, education. I love so many things up as George Bush. It's gone to nothing to do with him. For first of all, you get the timber in his voice, not just the cadence, but it really has that, it's very close to close your eyes. Yeah, very down here.

It is so comedy-friendly. Just like the guy who makes everything super correct and right and prudent, it turns out to be so funny. When they prudent at this young shirt. Such a funny thing when you, especially when you apply it to stuff like penises. Not gonna do it, gotta do it.

He's down here. Obama was a tough one to do, but now I do a joke just because it made me laugh. Obama's now going to preschools and talking about, you know, public policy. Jack and Jill went up the hill. Oh, that's good. Jack and Jill went up the hill.

Oh! And Jill decided she wanted to be a Jack. Ah! Ah! And Jack decided he wanted to be a Jill. That's a teachable moment. Well, that was a very hard one for me to get. I've never heard anyone do Obama. I know. You got it. I got it. You got it. I do it all the time.

That's the kind of thing I like to do. And that's those are the reasons. I do his, he's so brilliant when I saw him in Philadelphia, the pausing. He's got 60,000. This is before the midterms. And he'll just stop talking and no one has been, you know, the thing we gotta do. And you're like, what the fuck do we gotta do? We gotta come together and we'll be able to. That's a, well that's a trick that all good orators understand. He's, yeah.

Silence makes people more attentive than me. Yeah, right. They're like, yes. So this is a bit I used to do very quickly, but I said, you know, he's got the deal at Netflix. So I go, I want to go pitch a show to Obama. You know, he goes, and day and up before you pitch me the show,

I like to, I don't have an idea for maybe a movie. I don't know if it's gonna go. A little alien comes down to earth, but friends with a little girl, spaceship leaves, he can't get home. I think that's ET by Spielberg. Oh fuck me Michelle. What do you got? It's get all the whole thing it's don't you don't you have a sci-fi thing a Podcast coming out that's like now. It's it's been in the top 10, and yeah. What is it? We, it's called a weird place.

It's based on, it's a Twilight Zone. I knew it would come out. It came out two weeks ago. Oh, for fuck's sake. Fuck me, I don't even know. No. But no, it's a scripted audio podcast, and normally they suck.

My two sons were the ones in their best friends from their time. A scripted audio podcast. Like a radio show. Yeah, like storytelling. Holy fuck. Yeah. And it's anthology and Rod, I can't say Rod Serling

takes us through it. And then my two sons didn't want to be publicized. So go, Dad, whenever there's celebrity kids with the dad, it sucks. Right. So they've kept it very under wraps. Oh, that's cool. Totally.

And they went, we went downtown. It's like an audio feature film, really. It took it to a new level. You just have to hear it. So it's an hour? It's 90 minutes of content. There's a talking weird companion piece where Rod interviews people. And you do want a week of those?

No, it's just like an album. We just did five episodes, and we're just seeing what the reaction is, but it's one of the funnest things I've ever worked on. Let's examine this. Like, you... Let's unpack it. No.

There's not, there's what I want. Let's unpack it. That unpack it. What's what I want to unpack? Probing, post-sets time. Gotta get to his notes. They not late cold water, shut down. Go ahead.

You got me on a roll here with my friend, my good friend Bush New York. So I always am curious, like what gets on my radar, what gets on other people's radar, why something does, why something doesn't. What the people, whoever was, you're obviously wanted people to wear this. I'm a big fan of you. Yeah, why something doesn't. Whatever was, you're obviously wanted people

to be aware of this. I'm a big fan of you. Yeah, no, I agree. Of course, I get busy and I catch up on things like I'm in the middle of the end of my season. So it's like the last four shows. It should be great to you to your point. That's right, right.

Where did they fall down in me not? Good point. We did it with Team Coco, Conan O'Brien's company. Yeah, sure. And we're gonna keep marketing. We're gonna have Team Coco, Conan O'Brien's company. Yeah, sure. And we're going to keep marketing. We're going to have billboards. Yeah. So I just think it's hard to break through, but it is. It's hard to... Yeah, you just assume everyone knows.

Like, I'm assuming every human being will see me on this. And then you're like, you're going to another part. Right. There's just too much, you know. And we're also just, unlike when we were little kids and we watched Ed Sullivan, which the whole, and we knew it was a variety show, we're something for everybody, because everybody watched one show.

And now we're at the complete opposite. We're so splintered that nobody knows what anybody else, I mean, there are TikTokers who are giant stars that we have no idea who they are. And those people don't know Bert Lankass. Handsome kid on Instagram that kind of just, his name's Brian, he opens jars of pickles.

And he's doing seven figures. Why are you watching? Kervets told me. Why am I watching handsome kids? Why are you watching handsome young men? No, this is what I've heard of. But the point is, for young people, there's so many people on only fans squatting in their

women who just squats in their panties with high heels, making 500,000 a month. The whole thing is so distorted now. All right. And when we grew up, my day we had, you know, that, besides Tiny Tim, everyone was talented. Tiny Tim was a novel.

He would have been great in this era. But everyone's had, Perry Como could really sing, you know, and Don Rickles was really funny. So that's okay. We're just from another era. But there's something we've been... Well, this far very talented people in this era too. Oh, as well.

But you know, it's not necessary. But also like the probably, I would say, of all the great pop culture quotes from our era and when we were kids, the one that really turned out to be most prescient was Andy Warhol. Everybody will be famous for 15 minutes. That thing way before social media or anything was very prescient. Yeah. That we will really spread this shit out so that everybody has some follow.

I mean, follow up is a really fun. It will be way more than 15 minutes. That's the only thing you'd probably. But because here's the thing Bill, can I call you Bill? But because here's the thing Bill, can I call you Bill? There's five billion in the digital world that you and I can access. Five billion. Basically, five billion people in Asia and Africa and Western Europe and Canada and South America. You know, you get, you look at your metrics or someone does for this podcast. You've got fans in Lexonburg and Iran and it's all over the world. Yeah. So if you can do, if you can get 40,000 people to give you five bucks a

month because you're a muse on a paywall, you're making three million right there. Really? Yeah. It adds up five, you know, five times two hundred thousand or two and a half million. So there's people that I know of that no one's ever heard of that made their own little kingdom that you've done here and are making about 5 million a year. They don't have an agent manager. They're not in the system that are on top of this. It seems like we're moving. Like if you graft it like illustrated like from the beginning when there's this one person on stage or a couple of people and then there's a giant audience and slowly more of the audience. Yeah, and there's 10,000 people. And then the stage shakes. That's right.

Because there's too much weight. And it just collapses. And it collapses. And eventually rebuild. But I thought of this 15 years ago and this first started happening. I thought, can I get a million people to give me a buck a month, and I'll just do shit for them.

Oh, yeah. But that is now come to fruition in the last five years, and there's people doing that. I would pick up the tabs of like hundreds and hundreds and maybe thousands of those people just to see you do shit for me. Wow. All right, what I gotta do.

We did it. Glad to be here. You're the kind of person that's like secretly super likable. I'm supposedly a nice guy, but I'm kind of an asshole. you