Club Random with Bill Maher - Jay Leno | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: August 1, 2022

A can’t miss conversation with the great Jay Leno, where Bill Maher and Jay share hilarious stories like Jay’s true feelings about his beef with Jimmy Kimmel, the time Jay took toilet paper as payment for a stand-up gig, why Jay hid in the closet and eavesdropped on NBC execs during the Tonight Show drama, what NBC told Jay when they fired him, what made the blind guy who climbed Mount Everest furious, and Jay’s dinner with Gorbachev.

Closing up. Shows have been great. And I like to glass this. The glasses work good. I remember you were a little self-conscious on this main TV. I was still him. You know, but you know, I think it gives, I think it gives you real gravitas.

It works. No, it looks good. It looks good. I would tell you within. I said to someone like it, she said, I like it too. It does, because it looks like. No, I've, I've heard, I've heard that many times that people like the glasses. I just't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say I can't say you know, it's like there are milestones of aging. You were telling me about the pickle jar last time I saw you.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, it's that kind of thing, you know. Yeah. You can't apparently open pickle jars anymore. Well, it takes a little more strength, but you get to do the, you get to do the water crank. You know what I'm saying? Give me, I'll show you.

Give me glasses. Okay. Do the, Give me, I'll show you. Give me glasses. Okay. You do me. What though? Remember how he would do this, but I, President Kennedy died today. I was gonna do it.

I can do it exactly. Okay. Yeah. You're fucking it up. And there it is, the flash from Dallas. Yeah, that's president Kennedy died at 105. 145, I think. Whatever it was. But I mean, there was a guy who you could see on the air with the genuineness of being choked up. Right. But unlike what they would be probably doing today, didn't let himself, you know, he had the sulfur strained people of that era.

I'm the newsman. I'm here to do a job. Yes, it's devastating news. I may swallow a couple of times, but then I go on and I do it. I don't blubber. Yeah. Right, Jay? Inside.

Where is the camera right here? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Inside, where is the camera right here? Yeah, there's, oh yeah, there's the roll over. This is like a reality show. Are we started or any? I'm lost. Yeah. Right, yeah. Oh, I have. Okay, well, let's go. What are you doing? We're doing it.

This is the show. What do you expect me to do? I don't know. I get drinkin' high with somebody. I like that too. There you go. I don't have those theories of questions already. All right. I mean, Jay, tell me something about your background. I understand you claim to be a comedian.

You let me tell you the claim story? That is what it tells that story. I love that story. No, I was in Dayton, Ohio. I had just, I was guest hosting the tonight's choice. You know, doing the comedy club. So, guest hosting already? No, in 86.

I thought this was way before that. The claim, he claims to be a comedian? No, no, not claiming to be a comedian. What it was was, it was about, I had been hosting the tonight show for a number of weeks. So I'm doing some clubs in Ohio. So they go, you're on Dayton, you're on it, the new news, a female anchor. What's her name?

Okay. Sorry, I'm Jay Leno. She said, I'm sorry, I'm not familiar. I said, oh, I'm a comedian, I'm playing, you know, chuckles or giggles, whatever it is. And I guess hosted tonight, she won't be there. So I was Jay Leno. Leno, who claims to have hosted the Tonight Show. I go, you know, I can prove it.

I said, you have film right here in this. Listen, let me see a filly. I'm sure there's tape, you know. Now, either you tell me a different story. No, I told you that story. It's so interesting because I will admit to the fact that the brain, over time, sometimes does. You know the one you might confuse it with is Buffalo.

Buffalo, I'm, do you remember John Eric Hexham? Yes. Remember the kid who sadly killed him? Sadly. Well, tell people why he thought the gun was... Right, he... No, it was a blank. It was a blank that shoot a paper wad, but since he had it right against his forehead,

he... Instead of just going the pressure when it was brain. Well, the lesson kids is don't fire even a blank gun into your head. Right. Right. Exactly. And anyway, the guests on the show were him. He was a star because of he had some show where he played a spy. What show, what, what, what, what show? A.M. Buffalo. A.M. Buffalo. A.M. Buffalo.

It was him, oh God. Me and seven authentic African pygmy dancers. All right, so I'm sitting, I'm sitting right here and John Eric Hatson is being interviewed. And the seven pygmies are sitting right here, next to me. And they have spears and they have their full, the seven of them sitting there. Jay, you said authentic. I would assume they have spears. You know, so they're all sitting there and we're all watching the show. And you know,

they're coming in the town glory. It comes and goes, Mr. Leno, Mr. Leno, I go, I'm Leno. Oh, you're Leno. Okay, you're up next. And I just thought, Oh, okay. Oh, that's a scream. Yeah, it's just so stupid. Oh, my God. Mr. Leno. Over here. Over here. But I swear to God, I thought you told a story about being a very young comedian who'd done the tonight show maybe once or twice. No. And you were working some club somewhere. Maybe it was not a club.

It's one of those private events where it's a business guy introducing you. You know, you've done many of those. I certainly did it back then. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I mean, we know this was, no, this was that was the, that was a okay So tell me if this is in any way from and again, these are like corporate events Larry Miller has a famous story about

He goes up after the guy does a long that you know someone in the company died and so right it was like Oh, we all remember Frank. He was just such a great guy We loved him very much and he died tragically of cancer after a long illness, two weeks ago. And now a funny young man lying there. So they don't know how to do show visits. No, no. What you're thinking of is fresh, and I'll

say what it was. I was a comic in New York. So this guy comes to see me, goes, I'm bringing some buyers in for a product. I've invented a new product, whether it be we want you to pretend to be the spokesman. I said, what's the product? It's called fresh in. I said, what is it?

He said, it's a moist toilet paper, used after going to the bathroom to do it. And it said, I'm the same. To do away with embarrassing rectal odor. I said, okay, it's like, oh, and what do you want me to do? Okay, you go on, I'll introduce you as my vice president of sales and you two some jokes. Okay, really? So anyway, so this guy invites all these

ligate rexal dealers. You know, and they're all sitting there like this. It's about 25 of you know. The guy goes, I have got this product. We can come be a big hit. It's got an adhesive. He put know. The guy goes, I have got this product, we can come be a big hit. It's got adhesive, we put it on the wall next to, it sticks to the wall right above or below the toilet paper. And it's after you use the toilet paper,

you use this to avoid embarrassing rectal odor. And they're all sitting like this, they're all doing this. Yeah, you look at their watches, you know. Like they've heard this pitch before. Well, they just, they're obviously not interested in the process. So, this guy, but let me introduce, he can see, he's starting to get flop-swetched. Let me introduce my vice president,

Sales Jay Leno. All right, so I got up there and I started doing my act and they're all going, you know. So, I do about 10 to 15 minutes to nothing, you know. And he goes, and he goes back, he goes, that of course was not my vice president of sales, but Jane Lano, a professional comedian, a moral goal professional comedian.

He was just like the most horrible. So then they all leave, right? And the guy says, listen, I want you to buy this spot. So nobody buys the product. He says, look, look, I'll be level with you. I got a warehouse in T-neck down here. I got like 500,000 rolls of this stuff. Okay, take some to your stores. Just try it. No, not instant. Just take away it. Just take away it. So I'm waiting out to get paid, right? So now people leave in tears

of streaming down the guy's face. Just try it, I'm telling you, try it. So you go, what do you want? I said, can I get paid? Yeah, I can pay. So I took like 10 rolls of fresh and that was my pay. That was the horrible one, maybe that's the one. It's still, no.

Okay. I'm telling you what the story is. Yeah, what was it? It's very basic that you were doing one of these corporate gigs where they often, I've had been introduced where they don't even understand to say your name at the end of the introduction. So it's like Bill Maher is a funny guy who's done three tonight shows. Here he is, they're in this, you know, they'll just end the set.

Just like people have no cue to clap. Yeah. They don't go, here's Bill Mar. So this one, you're doing this, some corporate gig, and the guy is like, he probably had it on a card, was reading your credits, and he's like, and we have a comedian on, Jay Leno, no, I'm fucking this story up.

What the guy embarrassed you by doing, And we have a comedian on Jay Leno. No, I'm fucking the story up. What the guy embarrassed you by doing, he said, Jay Leno, he claims to be a comedian. No, claims to have done the tonight show. That's what it was. He claims to it, that never happened. No, the one that happened was Leno who claims to have hosted. That's where it came from.

I think you get a couple of stories. Maybe. It's 40 years ago. Club cigarettes. It's 40. It's 40 years ago. The fact that you were working, we're doing AM Buffalo. I think says so much about you, Jay, and your work ethic,

because like you would never catch me doing AM anything, and let alone Buffalo a bet in February. But you got to remember back in the day those were the local shows that brought a local audience. I mean remember the PM magazine shows, they always used to have those at 730, those are pretty big too. And you know the funny thing it is, people come up to you like 10 years later ago. Are you from Montana? No.

Well, I saw you on, you know, hello, butto whatever the show. I go, no, oh, you know, from there. No, no, it's just on the show, dude. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I did all, I did every local, all your hilarious. But you, I know when you hosted the time show that you would be like, you'd get it to the office at 8 a.m. Right? Oh, easy. Yeah. 8 a.m. Yeah, some community. A comedian in an office at 8 a.m. Yeah, but you know, and you'd be calling affiliates. Yeah. I mean,

I mean, that you're following Johnny Carson. okay? You get the networks getting letters like you know they should just make that 60 minutes of dead air and honor Johnny, you know It's not fair to put somebody else. I mean that's that's the kind of stuff that you're dealing really? Oh, yeah, just crazy stuff. Yeah, yeah, wait me because they were so up Johnny's ass that they couldn't accept that the next Course, of course, of course. Really? Yeah. I remember I wrote a thing for Time Magazine when Johnny died.

They asked me to do a thing. And I said at the end of it, I said, you know, he was amazing for his time, but time's change. And Lenna was right for this time. And I don't know if they printed it, but I don't know if they liked it because I mean it was right for this time. And I don't know if they printed it, but I don't know if they liked it because I mean, it was very... Well, you know what's fascinating is, somebody NBC gave me Johnny's reviews

when he took over from par. And I was stunned at how vicious they were. Because par was the area-dite guy he would have on, you know, and Johnny was sort of, and blabby and all and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and obviously, had a wider appeal than par, but, but, they thought it was off the dumbing down of television and all this kind of comedy and all that kind of stuff. But, but television is always perpetually getting dumbed down because the population gets dumber.

Right. There was a reason why Ari you died jack par would survive in 1959 no coward had a talk show in the 50 is that right yeah in America like 90 minutes So let's discuss that when the hamlet of course certainly it was the third act when it yeah Well Johnny used to do an hour and a half yeah, and the last half hour was like authors. Like he would have a serious intellectual discussion with astronomers and authors and people like that. Okay, but that's what my point was in that article. Like times change, Jay had his finger on the pulse of where America was in his era. Johnny, if he had been doing that same show, he was doing would not have survived in 2008 or something.

Well, you never know, but you know. Well, well, if he was doing the same kind of thing, it was broad, but, you know, your show was more of like a party, and that's what people wanted. It wasn't so, the accent wasn't that much on just people talking. It was, and then it even moved after you to like just throwing water in people's faces. Wow. You know, it's just true. I mean people, the artist has to follow where the, the toughest thing about, where the, yeah. The toughest thing about late night now is that

the commercials, you know, you get used to streaming and watching Netflix and I say, let me see what the guys are doing. And I go, another commercial, I mean, there's a nine minute break at 12 o'clock to 12.09. I don't know, almost all the, after 11 o'clock at night, you can add more commercials. So,

so they just come back for like a minute. They come back for a minute and you go, jeez, I mean, you can't watch. And 30-second spots are so well produced now. And they have so much content. They seem like a minute spot. You know, and you go, how many commercials? 30-second spot of ads or? Yeah, ads, you know, whatever it is.

Okay. Well, I remember when I was following Nightline, I had a six minute gap, like three minutes of our commercials at the end, we were daring the audience to go away, especially at midnight. I know. You're daring them. I know. I know. Let's go to bed, click.

Now they do a hot switch, don't they? Haven't they done that forever? What do you mean a hot switch? A hot switch where you go they done that forever? Where'd it mean a hot switch? A hot switch where you go from one show to the other. Oh yeah, and then the commercial comes, yeah. Yeah, so that you catch the people and get them hooked or whatever. I mean, I don't know how in the age of streaming

and VCR and DVRs that anybody can, why would you watch something in real time when you could skip the commercials? And yet they must still do it. People must still be in bed watching between their talents, because those shows are still on. I mean, Jimmy and... Jimmy are talented guys. They're all talented.

You know how many people I have and guys will send me, you know usually hold a guy's they have some car they want to sell me something. I said email me some pictures. I'm not a go through that trouble. I'll go down, I'll put a stamp, I'll go down the post office by a stamp, stand in line, put it in a slot.

I said that's really not easier than just going, bink, you know, but no, they don't get it. Well my friend Jim Bowley has the greatest line about, you know, he's sitcom writer. I don't, Jim. You know, Jimmy, okay. So he said when, like, he was on Golden Girls, he said, TV guy, he used to come out and you'd look like a, at the fall preview issue, what they're line up of different shows for different networks.

And you see the two or three shows you were up against. Now you were up against everything that was ever made. Right, you're true. And that's the truth. Yeah, I was. Or up against everything that was ever made. I think about this. TV Guide was the biggest selling magazine in the world.

Really? 50, 60, 70s, 80s. Yeah, the biggest selling magazine in the world. Now it's barely a pamphlet, you know. I didn't know what it still exists. It still looks like a magazine. It's like this stick. I mean, that's, I was always, I have every fall preview issue from like the late 60s to the mid 80s. I mean, we did a, It was very important to me.

A TV guide on World Events, as written by TV Guide, and jeers to Hitler, you know, was that kind of stuff? You know? You did that on the tonight show? Yeah, yeah. And jeers to Hitler for invading Poland.

So, so wait, you... Did you say you shot seven shows today? Yeah. You should seven a day for a week. But that's 10 weeks, 12 weeks. So 10 weeks. 10 or 12 weeks, yeah. Right.

I think it seems like every time I turn my TV on, that show was on. I don't know. It was different times, I don't know. It's a different time? I mean, different markets and different times. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because it's indicated. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's old school boom. Right. But you must love it. I mean, you look like you're having a ball, do you? I like it. It's easy enough to do. You know, you know, you don't do the time. Actually, I got to see the movie. I got to read the book.

Right. I got to listen to the album. Right. That I just show up. What's this guy do? He's a boom. And you talk. It's like doing J.

Walking on the street. J. Walking. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, same thing. You do? He's like, boom. And you talk, it's like doing J walking on the street. J walking, exactly. Yeah, same thing. You know, I brought that up recently. I did an editorial on our show about dumb people. Oh, yeah, I saw that. Yeah, you saw, I watched that.

There's a chick-tack guy who just ripped you off. That made me laugh. Did that whole thing. Well, I mean, that's the most everybody keeps everybody ripping stuff off. If it's the most common, a Kimmel does it on his show. It's not a ripoff of me. Right.

I didn't rip off Steve Allen. Steve Allen didn't rip off the guy in the radio or the God for, I don't know who it was. Yeah, that's one of the things. Well, you were the first one to, no, sorry. Your J-walking thing was specifically aimed at showing how stupid people were. These people, the other guys, they did talk to people

on the street and people could sometimes get caught in the other guys, they did talk to people on the street, and people could sometimes get caught in the act of being themselves. Right, right. But yours was specifically, this person doesn't know who Lincoln is. Right, yeah. It was always amazing to me.

And that's what was funny about it, was, and sad at the same time. Oh, yeah. But I don't think any, no, I think you started that Jay walking, Aras, you wouldn't have done it. It was in a, that was an originally. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. That was my favorite thing to do. And that's sort of what this show is. It's sort of the same thing. Yeah. And you know, Jay, I love it that you're not like, you have no like ego about like,

No, like, ego about like you climbed the mountain, you got to the top for a very long time. I've said many times you got fired twice for the crime of being- Nobody cares you climb the mountain. You talk about climbing mountain, say a climb of mountain story. I had this guy on the- I have this guy on the tonight. You should never let me ask one question. Let me finish this. His guy is blind and he's a climbed Mount Everest. The most amazing, he's an athlete, he's blind. Who hasn't? Two months, he's climbing Mount Everest, he's holding on, it doesn't know if it's daytime or night,

it's rains, people's not going to go. Oh, blue snow. He's on my show, and I said during the break, do you do a lot of motivational speaking? He's all pissed off, I go, I go, why? Because every motivational speaker, I talk about climbing Mount Everest and how it was and it rained and slid, so you don't know its day or not, you don't know where you are on the mountain, you don't know how far you're, I've got to feel my weight at the top. It took me two months, you know. And he says inevitably afterwards when he doesn't

meet and greet somebody goes, you know, I was going to climb over his slash here, but my kids got soccer and the wife, wife wants to go to a mother-in-law and he's like, and he's like blind. He's like, I just want to stab these people. He's so furious. He's so hilarious. We are supported by wine enthusiasts. It's summertime. The days are hot and the grill is fired up. It's the perfect time for enjoying wine with friends. And if you have family around, you're going to need that wine.

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and build what's next in real time communications. Go to signalwire.com slash random. You got fired twice for the crime of being number one. And you know, you just have no bitterness in it. I ever tell you what they said to me. I said, I'm number one. You know what they said? Jay.

We want what's above number one. No. Yes. Yes. That's my favorite quote. No. And I went, come on. What's above number one? I said, we're number one. We're winning in every demographic group. I know. But we want what's above that? That is priceless. Show business stupidity. Yeah, that's wonderful. That's, that's, well, how can you not have fun with it? Well, you know, I believe to someone who was sitting in that chair at some podcast we did here, I think I was talking about this because the subject of agent thing came up

and I was saying to me, the argument, the strongest argument for why you need someone speaking for you is because NBC had Are you manual right dear friend of mine right and a genius agents, right, you know now one of the biggest moguls in the world He had NBC had him in their ear Convincing them I mean that is a genius salesman. Right. You could convince a network to look for what was the phrase.

We want what's above number one. Right. That's... And you did not have an agent. No, I have an agent or a manager. Right. And do you have regrets about that? No. I don't have any at all. Because everything I do, I spoke for myself. There's one thing about maybe you needed that little snake in their ear to say, you know, you know something you don't, you don't need to snake it. But the snake worked. It got, it got, it got them to again. How did it work in the, who won in the end? Well, they canned your ass so you didn't. You should still be there.

You are. I wouldn't still be there now. At some point, because at some point, I shouldn't have to know all of Jay's music. I mean, it gets to the point where, when you're 40 and you're talking to the 26 year old soup model, it's sexy. When you're in your 60s, you're the creepy old guy.

Right. You know what? That's such ridiculous thinking. Just don't be creepy when you're talking to them. Well, you can talk to any person of any age. That's a ridiculous restriction to put on. Well, that is true, but I just say you can't talk to a 26 year old with that leering. Well, that's not leering a shift.

And you were never a leerer anyway. You're famously happily married. And a devoted devoted faithful husband. You do not have to worry, that if they come out in a short skirt, that's because they're selling my movie and that was getting pulled. Well, my thing is, I wouldn't change anything

because it all worked out fine. Yes, but at least I rose and fell by my own hand as opposed to other people moving things around. You know, I remember one time I was on stage. Well, you didn't fall. You never fell. They fell you, again, for the crime of being number one. And I think if you could have had someone whispering in their ear,

this is a very stupid thing to do. It's called a cash cow. Just milk that for as long as you... But, you know, you find in show business, you die from a thousand paper cuts. to do. It's called a cash cow. Just milk that for as long as you. But you know, you find in show business, you die from a thousand paper cuts. What does that mean? What that means is when they decide you want you, they want you out, suddenly things started appearing in the trades that you're difficult. Really?

Yes, I have. I've not known that to me, but I, I would see it happen to other people, you know, things would just get cool. Like what, like, give me an example. Like what did they say? Well, it did happen to me in the sense that once I did a, how I did this movie, Tina, I did this movie a long time ago. And I had my contract that I had these certain dates that I couldn't do because I was committed to performing. Were you the detective that movie? Yeah, yeah, those stupid movies. Yeah. What is it called?

I don't even know. Oh, you do. Come on. But anyway, and then they said, no, we got a shoot in those days. No, I already made this commit. And then suddenly I started seeing things in the paper. I'm difficult. My hairdresser was arguing.

I don't have a hairdresser. And I would just see all these things. I go, okay, this is how it works. They just plant these little stories and little things happen. When you control your own fate, it's fine. And plus the nice thing was, you know, I'll tell you a story when I was doing the tonight show.

I got a call from, well, how can I say this? There were as a group of people, a whole bunch of comedians were hosting the Tonight Show. And they were all handled by the same guy. And this guy called me and said, we want to handle you too and put you in the roster because we're asking $25,000 a night to guest host. And I said, oh, that's okay. He said, what are you getting to guest host? I said I'm getting $512 a night to guest host.

That was scary. I said, okay. He said, right there. He said, sign with us. And then when you come around, I said, you know, I'm going to keep my 512 a night. Okay. And then I told Johnny's people, I'll do it for 512. And then they look at the ratings and they go, you know, then when I was getting just

a good rating, says, Johnny owns the company, you can save about, you know, $40,000, $50,000 a month by having him. And then I became the permanent guest host. And I never discussed money. I said, the money will come later on. And it worked out fine, because I got it under because I thought, okay. And then, oh, and then they came to me with offers for money. And I said, oh, okay, that's fine. And I never had to argue. Well, see, to me, Jay, that is the quintessential story summing you up because when people ask me about you, I would say, and of course you do have your detractors.

I mean, I don't quite understand them because I always say, like, let no such an interesting guy because, as a human being, you could never do better than asking, what would Jay do? You know, he's a very moral guy, but he's also fucking Italian, right? And boy, when he wants to fucking hide in the closet and outsmart you, he'll do that. And he will always fucking find the way to get to the top of that mountain. I had a hunch that Jack Welsh was on my side.

And he was ahead of NBC of GE. The EOGE, which owned NBC. Yeah, so when they were having that meeting and I was listening in, I heard him say, why don't we go with Leno? He seems funny. He seems to work good, do you think a hard worker? I like him.

I went, thank you. Now, where did you hear that? In the, in the, in the, oh, no, it was in the closet. I loved it. Jack, Jack was in the, Jack was in the meeting. But in the closet, that's like only you and our Kelly could get away with an in the closet. That's right.

Me and our Kelly, thank you very much. Well, he does have a hold in the closet. No, the closet, I was just listening. No, I know, just listening. I wanted to know what was going on. And the funny thing was about it, here's a funny thing. I did it twice. And the second time I heard Warren Littlefield say,

somehow, I think Leonard knows what goes on in this room. He says, from now on, we didn't even speak to him. We didn't even tell our second lieutenant. He says, we didn't even tell our second lieutenant what goes on in this room. So later that day, I'm walking the home. I see, I walk by, but Warren, I go, second lieutenant, Jay Leonard. And he goes, what the fuck is that mean? What's happening?

I go, I'm just making a joke. What'd you say a second with talent? Just sit second with talent. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, it was very funny. It was very funny. And then another time, what a mind fuck on him. What did he, I'll tell the second time.

The second time he was in Florida in a meeting. So I kept trying to reach him. So he said, give me his room. So they ring his room, it doesn't answer. And I go, oh, he was just downstairs. But he was in the bathroom when the phone rang. So I call back again. He goes, hey, it's Jay.

He says, where are you in California? I said, you were just in the bathroom, so I was about, he was like, I do know that. I do know that. And he had the room swept. They not made me laugh afterwards. You know what that is so fucking...

It's very funny. You know what that reminds me of the obviously the Jason Bourne movies? Yes, I love the Jason Bourne movies. Okay, so at the end of I think it's the second one, or what he's talking to Pam Landy, the head of the CIA, but the CIA played by Joan Allen. Amazing. Right.

That's supposed to be Gina. The head of it. No, Gina, the head of the CIA, Gina. She wasn't the head of the CIA. Pam Landy was, she winds up being the good guy in the CIA. Yeah. But in the real life, Gina has, is a Haskell Haskell. Haskell. Okay. She's. All right.

She was. Yeah. Okay. So, you know, at the end of the one of the first of the second one, he's talking to her and she's like, oh, I got him on the phone. Finally, it's like, oh, my boy. Why don't you come in? He's like, no, I don't think I'm going to do that right now. And Pam, she gets some rest. You look tired. He all over the city because he was across. Right. And then tired. Oh, I remember the scene. Because he was across. Right. And then she was like, what the fuck, Jason Borden, you are a badass.

Well, I'll tell you a story. Don't tell that great movie. Gina Haskell told me one time of that. How do you know her? Well, I don't know her little, we had dinner. The CIA person? Yeah, yeah, she asked, why you? I don don't know why me why me. I don't know I didn't know Gorbachev

Didn't know it's Netanyahu a lot of people You know when you're on the tonight show they call you you know Gorbachev called me when he was and he said he wanted to have dinner All right, so I said to Mavis Gorbacheachev and Rasha, and he doesn't speak English. No. So we have, of course, I make the big mistake. So I introduce him and the bra, bra, the Rasha, and I said to me, he said, oh, you obviously married an older man. And you see bra, bra, bra, bra, and she gets us, look.

Well, my husband is not elderly. No, no, blah, blah. She gets us look. What about a, my husband is not elderly. No, no, not. I'm saying, I said, again, I said, no, no, I mean, I would see you a child bride. It looks so you, I was not a child when he married. Okay, I'm just digging a hole here. I'm just digging a hole here. I said, I'm just trying to be funny.

So I think, well, why is Gorbachev inviting me to dinner? And I wanted to borrow 50,000. Want to make a donation why is Gorbachev inviting me to dinner? And I wanted to borrow 50,000, wanted me to get donation to the Gorbachev. I said, I don't even give money to Demi. You have a credit. You know, he asked me to dinner once, too, Jay. And I said, look, I can't.

No, but he was hitting on me. He can't look at that thing on your head. And then it was done. He was hitting on me. He was trying to get me to get me $50,000. All right, so you're dinner with the CIA. Well, let me tell you a funny story. So I said, is there any like Jason born kind of stuff

that actually goes on? And she said, one time, they had an agent and they had the agent was driving with a double agent who was a Russian. And they sensed that they were being followed. So they're trying to lose, so the other guy, someone's driving and the guy is sitting here. And they had an inflatable doll. So they said when they come to the corner, open the door, jump out, and the guy will inflate

the doll. So it looked like he was still in the car. So they race around the wow. This guy jumps out, the head pops up. So the car behind him, it looked like there was still two people in the car until they got where they're going. I thought that was great. It just made me laugh. It just made me laugh. But that's this top secret as it got. Did you know HBO Max had podcasts? Now go even deeper inside your favorite shows with audio companions to some of the most groundbreaking and award-winning shows on television.

Listen to the official companion podcast for the HBO original limited series We Own This City. Host D. Watkins dives into his experiences in Baltimore and in the writers room and speaks to the people who brought this story to the screen. Like the show, the podcast focuses on the rampant corruption and abuse within Baltimore's criminal justice system. Watkins is joined by a variety of guests, including executive producers George Pelicanos and David

Simon of The Wire, actors John Burnfall and Wunmi Musako, as well as notable figures whose stories inspired the series. You can listen to the We Own This City podcast on HBO Max, on all major podcast platforms. You know, we have a whole part of the military assumption called DARPA. Right. You're familiar with DARPA.

Go ahead. They're like, they're the dudes. Their budget is sacred. Right. You're familiar with DARPA? Go ahead. They're like, they're the dudes. Their budget is sacred, but it's billions of bills. There is no budget. There is no budget. Right. It's like the Virgin Mary. It's perfect always.

The defense budget. DARPA develops like the ship we don't even know about. Like the next wave of, I mean, the other side, plainly has stuff that has caused our diplomats to have headaches. Right. Like in Havana, yeah, yeah. Yes. In Havana, some other capitals where they, it must be some sort of sound wave.

A microwave, yeah. Or microwave that they're, I mean, that's the kind of shit DARPA works. Right. And, you know, obviously, I'd rather have us to have it than them. Right, exactly. Whoever them is. The same way.

Yeah. You ask why I knew, I had done a, when you work for the CIA and you get killed, you get nothing. Star on the wall. Nobody knows who you are. That's not a mustar. So we did a benefit for the families

You did yeah, Jay You're so you of course you did a benefit for well, I mean, of course you're just not bad It's not bad. No, I'm saying it's just you. It's like you're always you. You're super Leno. You're just iron Jay Yeah, but I must say back to the story about the people who are characterized as knitting you at NBC, if they really were good at it, would they concoct a story about you having a hairdresser? Well, that was a Dino Dino Renta story. But yeah, me and the hairdresser, yeah, that's really cool.

I'm just saying there are certain things that are out of the realm of, you know, believeability. But the idea when you run your own show, you hear the information firsthand, because we have an agent, we hate Lennon, we suck. They said they weren't happy with this one thing. You say, no, no, no. You know what I mean? You don't get the, the perfect example.

I'm on stage one day, and I see a woman like this with some one sign. You know, I'm like, what? You know, want me to sign something. I'm talking and I said, I said, I'm working. I said, what? Meet me right there by that door. But when the show's over and I'll sign it for you know, I just got some last. Okay. Right. So I got back to show ends and I see her walk to the thing. As I get over there, I hear her security go, Mr. Lionel left instructions, he's not signing anything. And I go, what do you say?

And I see she's like, oh, like I lined her. I go, no way, no way. That's what happened in ages. You have people saying things for you. And I see it all the time, I would guess that come to the tonight show, and they would have some road manager. It was just treating people horribly.

And the star was actually very nice. Whether they know or not, I don't know. So to me, if I go by myself, if they have a bad opinion of me, at least it was formed by meeting me. Right. And they wouldn't if they met you because again you're Iron J. Right. But, no, it's true.

And I have seen that many times myself and have had to say to people, because people who have the word security and giant letters run on their back, they just have, it's just gonna give you an attitude. They've done actual psychological experiments, if you put people in certain costumes or things, they act a certain way. If they're famous one with prisoners and guards. If you are the prisoner,

and you're wearing the prison uniform, and then the guards immediately start acting statistically, and it's like, okay, you're not really a guard, but they just do it. And security, so they're going to act like big assholes and we're going to tell you what to do. I did that once the Prince. Prince was a guest in the Prince. Yeah, Prince of Guests in the Tennichu. So we put on a bald wig and a mustache and I waited in the guard gate and Prince comes up, you know. And he goes, Prince Tennichu, I said, Prince what? Prince. You're the Prince of what? What's Prince of what? He goes, he's like a musician, I'm on the show. I'll tell him, hang on, Prince what, you know, and how he's getting pissed. And then I was starting to laugh so hard and he was like, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, like, what, what, what, what, and then he saw with me, you start yelling.

He, you know, he was really a funny guy. He was a nice guy. He had a, he really Prince was a funny guy. Yes, he had a great sense of humor. Yeah, I've read that too. You know, and, and the nicest guys, he stayed after the show. He totally audience of stay.

He played an hour. You know what, yeah. Remembering this now. Yeah. When politically incorrect was newly on, and looking for, you know, some sort of confirmation that existed. Prince talked about it on your show. Do you remember that? I know, I don't remember talking about watching politically incorrect. Oh, that's great. And sometime later, of someone who worked for him at one point and knew him pretty well said it on the road.

This is after he became very devout as a what was he a what's the witness job of witness maybe something like a seven-day adventure of those and that he would you know invite four ladies back to the room and they thought there was going to be some great print orgy and he played politically incorrect with them. He talked to them about Jesus and he had some bizarre. No, he was a very nice guy. Yeah, that's good. But he talked, he said,

I'm surprised that when the limo pulled up, he himself said, it's, why didn't the driver? Because I looked at him. I said, you are. Because he was a man of few words. Well, no, no, when you talk to him, he was okay. Really? He was okay. No attitude, very nice, everybody, not... No, no, I'm not saying attitude. No, but you know what I mean, no. What I've

heard about him was that he was a man of few words. He spoke through his music and didn't. But I guess that he felt comfortable with something. guess fine. You're kind of a... I never wanted, I'm not trying to get tickets or anything. Right. Well, I'm sure he knew that. You're not like a person who really loves pop music. I mean, you know, you have nice enough music fun. No, I mean, you know, you had music on.

Every time I did this and I'd show all million times. It was like, yeah, we were kind enough to have me out first usually and then there was somebody in a very short dress. Right, right. And then it was, you know, Lady Antibullum. Right. And we'd walk over to the side of the stage. We broke a lot of bands on the show.

You did, yeah. And it was always like when you're right there walk over to the side of the stage. We broke a lot of bands on this. You did. Yeah. And it was always like when you're right there, standing that close to the band, no matter who it was, I was into it. You know, of course, why people want to be in the front row. I'm not a big jazz guy, but I'm used to open for Miles Davis. I really enjoyed it because I watched it being manufactured.

Whoa. You opened for Miles. Miles Davis had an opening act. I was, I'll tell you, it was, it, it, it, it, it, Lenny's on the turnpike in Boston. It was Miles Davis, comedian Jaylon, I didn't get billing,

my name was just there. But as Miles Davis, steak dinner, two drinks, and a show, 12.95. Where were you in the order of the billing? No, I was, two drinks, and a show, 12.95. Where were you in the order of the billing? No, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was first.

I was first. And sometimes I'd go on and, and Miles wouldn't show up for 90 minutes. One day, somebody took his yellow jacket and it disappeared and yeah. Took his yellow jacket. He, he always used to wear it. Right, I remember saying yellow jacket

and somebody took it and we had to find it. Yeah. Well, what was that? Herbie Hancock was in the band too. Yeah. What was that crowd like? Well, you know back then this predates concerts Someone like Miles he would come into Sandees and Beverly Massachusetts. Anyone of jazz clubs, and you would do five nights for the money you'd make at one night playing Symphony Hall

or something. But for you, as a comic, what was the crowd like? The crowd was great, because the crowd was super hip, because it was a jazz ony, so they, they're like, they're there to listen. If they didn't like it, they'd, you know, and they were smart. Yeah, they were smart ony, If they didn't like it, they'd let you know. And they were smart. Yeah, we're smart on it.

It says, yeah. Yeah, I remember the first act, the first jazz guy we call him, was Buddy Rich. And they go, then he's like, this is my first time on stage ever. Please welcome comedian Jay Leno and hear him guy go, we hate him. I go, I've never seen me come in, did I know my parents?

How, why would they hate me? I'm trying to raise my voice. I'm trying to hey, damn. I go, I've never seen me come in, do they know my parents? How, why would they hate me? I'm trying to raise my hands. Nothing to go on. Yeah, nothing. I've never been, I've never been anywhere. It's my first time. Yeah. Right.

Yeah, this is, this year, used to that. I don't know. That was Kimmel. No, that was Kimmel. You know, Kimmel's great. I'm just fucking, but I, you know, I'm a fan. He has this thing that somehow. We don't have to even. It's fine. You know, I tell just fucking. I, you know, I'm a fan. He has this thing that somehow we don't have to even. It's fine.

You know, I'll tell you something. I want you guys to be friends because I think we are such great love for both of us. I think he did. It's good a job hosting the Academy Awards as anybody. Real jokes. Really funny. Real jokes. Really ad lib jokes.

You know, it's just one of those awkward situations where he was a huge Letterman guy. Yes. And when Letterman didn't get to Tonight Show, some of it was my fault. Right. And I think he resented it, and I get that. But, you know, Dave never had the tonight. I...but? No. No. Maybe I'm remembering these wars wrong. He is a situation. I can't flight this with the first Iraq war sometime. No, no, no. Is this the difference?

This goes back. No, you've got to go back to what's the one in Argentina, you know? Falklands. Falklands, yeah. What it was was. That was a nasty one. Dave was a huge hit at 1230. Huge.

Johnny was a huge hit at 113030. Huge. Johnny was a huge hit at 11.30. Right. When I started something for Johnny, I was lucky enough to be able to maintain Johnny's ratings. So with me there, they had a hit at 11.30 and a hit at 12.30. And NBC did not want to sacrifice one hit. If they moved, let him it down, I would go to CB, I would just go somewhere else. And then they would have a wide open spot.

Plus, there were a lot of executives that did not like Dave because, for whatever reason. But you had a situation there where they had a hit at 1130 and a hit at 1230. To move Letterman down wouldn't have gained them anything. I mean, I guess toasted for five years, I remember asking Zucker, I go, doesn't a lot of them have this job? He said, no. Let him hit at 1230, we wanted to keep that a hit at 1230.

Zucker was what? What was it? Zucker was at NBC. Just Zucker. He was where at this time? He was at NBC a-hit at 12. Zucker was wet, what? Zucker was at NBC. Just Zucker. I know. He was where at this time? He was at NBC. He was at NBC.

He did the today show at NBC. Yeah, he did the today show at NBC. That was his bigot. Yeah, okay. But Warren and all those people said, you know, that's- One little- Lea, that's a hit at 12.30

and we want to keep that a-hit at 12.30. Right. So they had no intention of moving, Dave. Right. You know, I never asked you this, but when you did leave the tonight show, there must have been offers to do opposite the tonight show show from Fox or something. There were. There were a lot. You know, why didn't you do it? That's, you know, it's interesting because I remember I heard Kimmel talk to you about that.

I had called him and I did. And I didn't realize I was supposed to follow a call with him. And I certainly apologize for that. I didn't do it because here's what happened. They decided I was still on the air. They demanded that I say I'm going to leave in five years, even though I was still on the air. They demanded that I say I'm gonna leave in five years, even though I was gonna be there another five years, because Conan people wanted that. I said, I'd find, I don't leave in five years.

Okay, within that five years, Craig Ferguson comes along. And Craig Ferguson is a huge hit. He won a Peabody. I think he won some Emmys. And now he was beating Conan. And then Zucker called me one day and said, I think we're out of the stake. I got guys, I'm out of here next year or whenever it was. And he said, well, I suppose we gave you a show at 10 o'clock.

I said 10 o'clock. Talk shows don't work. It didn't work for Cavitt and 68. It doesn't work. He said, I'll tell you what, I will pay your entire staff for two years regardless of what happens. So all my people get paid for two years,

even if we get canceled, he goes, yeah. I said, all right, okay, I'll do a 10 o'clock show. Now, I remember Kimmel thought that, see people forget all those 10 o'clock show. Now, I remember Kimmel thought that, see people forget all those 10 o'clock dramas were hugely expensive to do, hugely expensive and they weren't giving the ratings they used to. Like ER.

Well, ER was a hit, but law and order and all the others and they were just taking a hit at 10 o'clock. The Senator's wife. The senators why? The senators wife? I'm saying that must have been a show. It's almost something like that. But anyway, those all were huge. T. O. Leeoni was the senators wife.

Oh no, she was T. O. Leeoni was something. Doesn't matter. Was she pissed? I know, but people in America are very pretentious about their 10 o'clock shows. I feel like they're very... Well, Jeff's thing was, if you put a talk show in there, it'll get essentially the same ratings

and the tenth of them production. Right. I remember I did that show many times, two times. Yeah, okay, so that didn't work. And then, you know, I was, oh, Leno Deliberty Sabotages showed it, trying to get the tonight show.

No, that doesn't work. It doesn't work that way. You're trying to do the best you can and it didn't work. And then they said, how about coming on at 1130? I said, look, I don't want to go through this again. He goes, if Conan moves back to 12, would you do a half hour at 1130? I said, talk to Conan. If you'll go to 12, I'll do a half hour,

just do a monologue and one guess. Okay. And the cost of Conan didn't want to do that. And that's when he wrote the letter and there. And then they put me back in and we became number one again. But why didn't you go to Fox or some other place? I'm pretty loyal. I don't.

What loyal to these assholes who fired you. You know, sometimes the ZAR you have is better than when you're going to get. You know, you know, and and here's a thing. Then you have your old team shooting at you as well. I just figured, let's just let's just play this out and see what happens. This all happened fairly quickly. You know, I called Jimmy Kimmel and I said, I'm getting off of some ABC.

I don't wanna start a whole thing here. If they talk about me on 11th and 30, but you wanna go on a 12th and 30, I think he said, yeah, you'd like to. I said, okay, when we came friends, and then that didn't happen, and it became public. And I suppose I should have called Jimmy

and explained to him again, but I didn't. I don't know why I didn't, I just didn't. I thought he probably figured out, but I think maybe he was hurt by that. And I apologize to him for that. But Jay, I feel like you're a victim of the terrible last viable prejudice in America, ageism.

You have this idea in your head that you have to go out to pasture at the point. As I talk to you now, you're exactly the same guy who was there then. So I don't think your brain is diminished. You're doing all these other shows. Just doing stand-up. Your hair was white then now., like, I don't think your brain is diminished. You know, you're doing all these other shows, just doing stand up. You know, your hair was white then, now it's white now. You know, it's like, it's not like, this is a job.

You have to, you know, I am a huge believer in low self-esteem. Watch. I think it is the key to success. Because when you don't think you're the smartest person in the room, you shut up and you listen. When I got to the tonight show, I hired the best producer I could, the best director, the people I thought were the best writers.

I gave them contracts on a yearly basis, not 13 weeks. I said, do the best you can. We had the same crew for 22 years. When they would tell me the show sucked, I would go, why did it suck? And they tell me why it sucked. Who said it sucked? Well, you know, somebody, you know, people, you know, he can I show sucked, it wasn't good. But who said, anybody on the show? No, Gaffer, which I that to you. Yes, my, my theory was anybody can pull the cord and stop the train. You know, I remember one time we had a guy in the basement who I didn't know. I

had done at the time a transgender joke, and I heard the scars really hurt about. And I said, I was so going to see him, you know, and he explained the situation. I said, you know, something I apologize. I said, I said, you'll never hear another transgender joke from me again. And he was so taken by the fact that he could bring this show to a screeching halt because of his one complaint. He turned out to be the greatest lighting guy or, you know, sound guy, whatever he did, then we had. Oh, I'm going to say, you saw this dick back then. No, no, no. No, but I mean, to me, that's what worked. That's what worked for me.

The fact that, you know, the fact that you're... Here's the thing, your only is good is your last joke. When I go on the tonight show now with Fallon, I go on as a stand-up. I don't go on as, you know, on my day, he is the way we did the show. You know, I go on as a guy who's a comedian, who some of the audience may not know.

You know, amazing. May or may not know. You're amazing. You may or may not know that I hosted the show. Jay, we are not competitive on who is a better human being. Oh, no. Because you always win, and that's fine. Because I can't even get into this arena with you. It's like boxing with Mike Tyson. If we're competitive, but who's fun funnier, oh fucking go toe to toe with

who there. No, I can't. But you are fucking funny. I always said this to people in the Asmire, but I said like as funny as Leno is on television, you have no idea. I remember you and I had a talk once a long time ago, and I was proven right. And I said, Bill, by the nature of what you do and who you are It's gonna take you a little bit longer, but you're gonna be there Way longer than everybody else. Yeah, I was 56. Yeah, and you but But what I'm saying is you've been on the air now for 23 years something like that doing basically the same show Not many 30 30 okay, well

doing basically the same show. Not many. 30. 30, okay. Well, what I'm saying was, I remember the early days you would complain about not getting guests because they were afraid to come on or whatever. I still have that problem. Yeah, but you know something, you don't need,

you don't need, it's nice to have, but you don't need it. Yeah, absolutely. You don't need it. The reason I started this podcast is because it's like, yes, I give up and I should have given up a long time ago on the idea that Oh, everybody should be able to talk about politics. Well, they don't and they can't and that's fine. Right. And here anybody anybody can be doing this. Right. Even you, Jake. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Lovely. But what I'm saying is, I'm just so proud of you to what you've accomplished. No, no, and the way you've able to do it, how you've, how you've, because I remember when you would come on, you always have like one blowjob joke, and we'd have to edit it out.

And I go, I wish Bill wouldn't do the blowjob joke in the middle of the tonight show set. We have to edit it around it, you know? But you always felt you had to put it in there. But I like to fact, I remember that at all. I find the fact that now I watch you and you stand on your own and your points of yours, I know you're never lying because you tell the truth

on the show and it's what you honestly, it's the only new show that I watch where I honestly believe, the host believes what they're saying. I don't have to agree, but I admire the fact that I can see that. And I see that guests coming on, talking freer than they do on any other show.

And that's really what makes, I've never missed one of you show. Oh, I do, I watch them all, I watch them all. Well, I'm over-climbed. So, how many days are you on the road now, this era of your life? How many nights? Maybe 150, some. I think it's 10, but I don't anymore. You are such a proposter as human being, Jay But see, I do the road. I don't do comedy specials. I don't believe you. I remember that.

Do you remember when you spoke to pipe? Yes, that was a long time ago. OK. But I remember, you were always a little older and definitely more high up in the show business tree than us youngsters had catcher rising star and the improv and the comedy, not the comedy star. That was out here.

We were in New York, the comic strip. And so like, I remember there was a pilgrimage once to see you because you were opening for someone at the Westbury music fair, which was a level above where we were. Right, right. And there was, oh, we're gonna go see Leno and see how we handles that crowd. the Westbury music fair, which was a level above where we were. Right, right. And there was, oh, we're going to go see Leno and see how we handles that crowd. And we also went to see you at Dangerfields, which was, again, a gig above ours, because

it was a headliner who would come to see you at a nightclub, a real-old-fashioned nightclub Dangerfields on 61st in New York. For two weeks, I think you were there. Right, right. And we all came and sat by the knee of the great master and you were smoking a pipe. That's right. And giving and doling out your wisdom on. I'll tell you a great Rodney story.

You know, I love Rodney, but I knew Rodney 40 years. I had no idea we voted for. I had no idea what his politics were. It's just about the right. So in 2004, I had Rodney on the show. And to me, I used to love it when Johnny was with Rodney because Rodney got it's been tough. Has it been tough, John?

Oh, I tell you it's been tough. In the six minutes, Johnny did have to say a word. But Johnny would just say, Ruff a whole, bad week, bad week, he would repeat everything and I thought, why would you do that? So when Rodney would come on, I think you would do that. So I had him on in 2004 and Rodney was in his 80s. And he's doing stand up. I already admired him for that.

He'd stand up and And he's sweating. And the hand gestures, you know how he does the pull, I tell you, well, the hand was a little off. And, you know, everything, not enough that I think, a layman would notice, but as a fellow comic and somebody who studied running. Right. So I said to Debbie, I said, I think Rondy's

had a stroke, call a paramedics, you know. She goes, really? I said, yeah, that. So Rondy, then he sat down, hey, Jay, how are you? Things are okay now. But last week, I tell you, you know, he's doing, and he did fine. And he was fine. So, the show ends, he went to the dressing room.

So by this time the paramedic show up, and I knock on the side, it's a Rodney paramedic here. Can they look at you? What's going on? It's a Rodney. He looked like you're having a stroke. Come, fine. Well, I took him on the stretcher. He did have a stroke.

Oh, he did have a stroke, but he managed to get through it. Okay. So a couple of weeks go by. So he did the show with a stroke. Well, he looked like he was having a stroke. He got laughs with the stroke. Yeah. It's like Lou Gehrig hitting, he got 28 hits.

Yeah. While he had ALS. Yeah, okay. That's a good hitter. Well, this is what it was, Rodney. So they take him out. A couple of weeks later, Joan calls me his wife. She goes, she's Rodney's in a coma.

That's sorry. You gotta come to the hospital. So I get to the hospital, Rodney's lying there. Eyes are open. And Joan says to me, the doctor said, Rodney can hear us, but he can't respond. So I'm looking at him. I'm telling him how much I love him when he meant to all us comics and how great he was

and working his club with such an honorable man. So then Joan says to me, Jay, put your finger in Rodney's hand. Oh, she goes, Rodney, if you know it's Jay, squeeze his finger. So I feel just a slight squeeze and I went, Rodney, that's not my finger. So Rodney goes like this, hey, move, move, move, move. I mean, his shoulder jumped and

joked, oh my god, he moved, and then we call the doctor and he didn't last much long after that. But just to get a laugh on a Rodney like that was great. Well, my favorite thing. If there was anything that we needed to complete the J. Leno Resume, it's you making a dead man laugh. Okay, J. You win. You win. But now, fucksake, you win. It was great.

And you made a dead man laugh. But it was. Now, here's what I can offer. And it's not nearly on the same level. Okay, good. It's so interesting. It connects you and Rodney. Yeah. That is this. When I started, and for a number of years after I started,

the hardest part was the opening, because they don't know you. Right. So how do you like break the ice? Like, the place we are now is such a luxury. Our opening line is thank you. Thank you. Please sit down, stop clapping for me. Because I want to do my show. And this is, thank you so much. But, okay. But at the beginning, you had to find a way to do that.

And I was just bad at it. And I tried a million things, and it just was not my METTA. Rodney and you both had things I was so jealous of. Because Rodney's was Hey, how you doing? I'm all right now. I tell you last week I was in rupture right right right like what can't you go from there? Right right so in two seconds he was in last week I was in rupture Yeah, tell me the right last week. I tell you last week my wife told me she was going to have sex once a week That's all right some guys she cut out all together. Yeah

she was going to have sex once a week. That's all right. Some guys she cut out all together. Yeah. My favorite Rodney joke was about, I see his club, Topless Bottomess. I go in, there's nobody there. I mean, it's such a perfect joke. Oh, he had.

Economy of words, Topless Bottomess, there was nobody there. When I was my very first year in comedy, he called me in my little shit box apartment on eighth Avenue because someone tried to sell him a joke. My first joke really might take a lawyer into confession. Oh, yeah, you know my Dr. Cohen. Yeah, yeah.

So, and he had the grace. And what a great guy because I was nothing. He could have just walked that joke. I don't care if you stole it. Whoever was trying to sell it to him heard me say it and was trying to sell it. Who's stealing, right? Right. And I'll always remember that that he called me. He did not have to do that. No, he was a real comment. Did you have me, Joe Ansys? Joe Ansys was his manager. No No, Choances was his muse. Muse? Yeah, Choances was a guy who I think made Rodney.

I don't know if you ever saw Rodney before he got the no respect thing. Rodney used to do bits. Really? Yeah, I remember seeing Rodney do, and it was a funny bit. He used to do those old fashion companies to go, and he has an airline pilot, there you go.

Yeah, we're flying over there, so and so. Welcome to Flight Zone, so we find 144 passengers on board. On the left side of the plane, you can see the wreckage of flight 907 that crashed two years ago. And then he goes, you with me on that flight, won't you, Bob? And it was a huge, but it was bit like a smothers brother's guy. Rodney?

Yes, yes, Rodney used to do material. And Joe Ansys was a guy, think of the funniest guy you know who's afraid to get on stage. He was that kind of a guy. And Rodney would sit with Joe after shows, and I think they'd kibbits and go back and forward. And if you read the book, it's a Goldman, Albert Goldman, ladies and gentlemen, Leni Bruce. If you read that book,

there's a whole lot of stuff in there about Joe Antz. I'm a big Albert Goldman fan. No, really. Well, his Elvis book. Yeah, did you ever read the Lenny book? Not the Lenny one. I read the John Lenin one and the Elvis one. Well, you should read the I will Lenny Bruce. Albert Goldman took a lot of shit. Yeah, and maybe he is a shit, but I tell you oh What's that? Sorry. Let me just oh, sorry turn my phone off. I got a

J here. Sorry. The last person I ever thought would have a phone, I didn't even think you had a cell phone. Oh yes, yes, I've... But you don't text really, do you? Not really. I mean, I don't like having a permanent record of everything I say. No.

Just like how... For fuck's sake, what do you... Why? When you're friends at the CIA, and fucking get a Jason Bourne of like, assassinating you because of something, what are you talking about? Texting is for just business, but you're right. You don't wanna write a love letter on text,

but that's not what it's for. Whenever somebody tries to start a serious long conversation on text, I'm like, no, that's for some other method of communication. I did a joke you would like. I said, some president Biden. Someone in the club, someone asked me, he said, aren't you afraid to be an attack on stage like David Pratt and Chris Rock?

Oh, I get that, no. And I go, no. Yeah. Because my audience is my age. By the time they get now that chip, I'm halfway to Cleveland. Okay. Again, ages, Jay. You're too into that ageist. See, I remember the

old age, when the only performance you could punch on stage reminds me, remember, you're going, hey, guy trying to get out of the box. Hey, give me a smart enough. But, J, I'm going to finish my story about Rodney. Go ahead. And why I was jealous of you and Rodney for the same thing, which was getting into what you're doing quickly. Yeah. Rodney had that, you used to come out and go, see the paper, see the paper? Yeah, see the paper today.

I can't believe it. And it was like, oh, fuck, that's so great. One of your answers, see the paper? I have my helmet at least coming out. Oh, come on, that's a rich one. I think he's fighting Buddy Upsen. Yeah. I think he was fighting Buddy Epsen at the time.

Who was, of course. Barnaby Jones. Like, 90 year old. Barnaby Jones. You know Barnaby's gonna fight when someone called him Pops. Hey Pops! Well, I oughta, yeah, stupid.

Yes, well, how about I leave his gonna fight Buddy Epsen? And you were like into it. Yeah, you just started going. And I was like, you know, that used to be fine. But I need something like that. I used to drive, sign fell crazy. Why? So he'd watch me and I'd have a complete non-segment

and I'd say, nothing, I'd go, they're out of the, it's the same with insurance. And he would go, wait a minute. What's the same with insurance? You know, after the third time, you'd see, you go, wait a minute, that was nothing to do with insurance. And I'd go, it's the same as a chance? You know, after the third time you see, you go, wait a minute, that was nothing to do with insurance. What are you talking about? And I'm gonna go, it's the same with insurance.

And it might have been it, you know. What, you still do that? No, no, but it's, I'm sure I do it in some other form, but yeah. But like, when you do your act now, like, I talk to you originally on the phone, you were from, you were at some Indian casino in upstate New York.

Yeah, I was just say a couple of times. I think it was a good being no tribes, but I can't be no one. It was a chief compadrinka. Yeah, a few compadrinka. Okay, so like you do 90 minutes? Yeah, about 90. Okay.

And of course you do it not like me with a poor man's teleprompter. You know, I have a music stand on stage. Oh really? I've had that for over 20 years. Okay. You think I could remember. I don't know, but it worked. 90 minutes. Yeah, it works. I mean, of course, when I do a stand-up special, like I just did an adulting, it's on a teleprompter, but you know, when I was just in Montreal, I was just in Mount Pleasant, Michigan. There's a music stand and I can't remember 90 minutes. How can you remember 90 minutes in the right order, Jay? Well, I clear my head of everything else. Oh, well, if you're going to go there.

Yeah. Well, fuck, fuck that. I'm trying to work on a thing now. I thought it was going to clear your head. I'm watching this, it's so easy. This is funny. I'm watching, I see just commercial with Doug Flutey and Frank Thomas. Someone kind of male enhancement thing, right? And they're playing golf and they're male enhancement. And then there he goes. And women like it, two weak, weak.

I go, yeah, yeah, try that tomorrow at the office, okay? By the second wing, HR will have you on the floor and all your stuff on the box. Come on, week. I go, yeah, yeah, try that tomorrow at the office, okay? But the second week, HR, I'll have you in for all your stuff on the box. Come on, pops. Come on. Let's go. And women like it to week, week. Yeah, that's going to go over real big. So are you saying this is a bit? You're going to be funny. Is that a very funny? Yeah. Okay.

But you know, Jay, you're a funny guy. So but like, when you do your 90 minutes, it's more like stuff like that, because that's the old Leno that I remember that was like, blew everybody away. That's really the Leno that you brought to when you started doing Letterman as a guest on Letterman. I mean, you would just blow the roof off the place

because you were doing like chunks of your act that were really funny and like, they were, you know, but they weren't political. You got more political when you hosted the tonight show. But you had that whole hunk about the sugar sacks dry in 7-11. Remember the people were in 7-11. Oh, yeah, thank you. Yeah, I can't remember that. Yeah, yeah.

The whole shit packs it. So, it'll like, whole bags of sugar sucked. You know what the fun part was, I remember what I would do, Letterman was to come up with words that were not swear words, but were hopefully funnier. So in the sense that,

oh, remember I had to, kind of remember the bits was about those carnal traveling carnivals and the, you know, the siphilitic druids running the rides. The shirtless man, nice looking boy lady. You know, that kind of deal. Yeah, no, that's not where you said druid.

You had a great bit about bowderek. And what was that? Bowderek and John Derrick, two gorgeous people. Right. And they got married. And you were like, okay, I could see the attraction, but like after they have sex, what is that conversation like? So the druids were a working people.

Do you remember that? Oh, frankly, yes. I was like, that's how it killed me. So the druids were a work, that's what they imagined. You said, I mean, they said after sex. But, you know, you had a great, and so that's what your act is now, more like. Yeah, you know, I mean, they said after sex. But, you had a great, and so that's what your act is now, more like that. I took politics out.

Oh, you did. Because. Like, you wouldn't comment on that what's going on with the Trump. No, because here's where you were. You only did half the crap. I do a couple of references, and I notice the audience, here's the name, you know, Biden did this. Right. And then they

wait, is it going to be pro or come? Right. And they decide, I know, you know, some, can we just rise and fall on the joke? Right. You know, I like to think there's some people who go to comedy show. They just want to see comedy. That's all they want to get a lecture. They don't want to be yelled at or whatever it might be. So you just, that's why I love about Rodney. No idea where Rodney said politically. I couldn't care less. It was just about the joke. And that's what I'm trying to do now.

But let's not say, Jay, that there's no place in the world for someone who you do know exactly where they stand for literally. No, I think it's great. No, no, no. I don't have an act at all. My situation is different. I do the other America a lot. No, I think it's great. No, no. I don't have an act at all. My situation is different. I do the other America a lot. No, I know.

And, you know, like on this game show, you bet your life, we sold it on the premise, that there's no politics. Right. And people bought it on the premise. Because I see people come on, I see a contest, and I go, okay, I can tell right away, this is a guy I would not agree with politically.

And that's fine. Yeah. That's right. One of the major themes I've expressed over the last four or five years on the show, it's also in my stand-up act, right? Is that the biggest problem is that there is so much hate. Right. People can't even know what the other side is saying.

Exactly. So the main way to reduce that hate, or at least the first step, is everyone has to stop talking politics all the time. We didn't use to do this. Right. The neighbor, back when we were kids, could have been what we would now call the Trumper. Right. But we didn't go there. Right. And therefore we got along and the people who think that somehow they half of the country they despise will self-deport our delusional. Right. There's not going to be a civil war or if there is, there's no way to split the country

by states. We're all marbled in together. There's four million Trump voters in California. Right. You know, I mean, we can't do that. We have to stop being political about everything. Right. So anything that, like, I mean, not can't do that. We have to stop being political about everything. Right. So anything that like, I think not me,

I'm the exception here, but everybody else, or lots of other people, be a political, you're right. Do it that way because you have to be able to get along with those people. I always say, you can hate Trump. You can't hate all the people who like him. Right, exactly. It's half the country.

And you know, I remember... You always had your finger on the pulse of that beat. That's why your show was so successful. You... That's why I do personals, because if you can't stand in front of people and do the joke, then it's not effective.

It's your coward. You should be able to do the material to the people's faces. And if they don't like it, they'll let you know. And people understand when you're being fair and unfair and what to joke and what's not a joke, you know? I mean, is this a Trump joke? I saw this political science professor on the news

and he analyzed all of Donald Trump's speeches. And he said that Donald Trump talked at a fifth grade level or below. And when they told Trump this, he called the professor a duty head. I'm gonna see you next time. Okay. Is that a political joke? Of course. Yeah, but of course, because if you follow it with a Biden joke, then oh, then it's okay, you know. Well, I mean, that's a political joke for this exact reason, because every single person who hears it

will like it or not like it, based on how they feel about Donald Trump. Right, exactly. His fans will hate it, and his detractors will adore it, and everyone will realize it's not really that great a joke. Right, right. It's okay. But when you follow it with the body,

you're like, oh, okay, then I go, right. I mean, I find that you actually have, I've had reviewers count which side, how many were, you know, I think he's more of this because there were like nine jobs and this, and four on that. But I mean, you certainly used to do that on the tonight, yeah.

Yeah. But then you have to, because you're doing that all along. Yeah, we got to hate males from both sides. Of course. And that's when you're doing it right. Right. That. But then you have to, because you're doing a lot of work. Yeah. And we got to hate male from both sides. Of course. And that's when you're doing it right. Right. That's what I, I mean, I get, for the first time in the last couple years, I get a mixed audience.

I know. Politically. That's what I like about your show. Stand up also. Yeah. Like we're 40% will be sort of conservative and I'll do a Trump joke and I can move. But then they'll still laugh. Right. They're not crazy all of them. They know he's a prep joke and I can move. But then they'll still laugh. Right.

They're not crazy all of them. They know he's a preposterous figure. Right, exactly. And now he's really gonna look like he couldn't be going down. Yeah. I mean, I really was pessimistic about him coming back and winning in 2024. This January 6th hearing, I gotta give it to these people

and some of this stuff that's gonna come out. I do think he's, I think it's taking him to a degree where they're just going to go. Plus, the country has other problems. They're not concerned about the left-wing. Exactly. And they see that this guy is, as I always said, everything comes back to the narcissism. That's right. When you're a narcissist, nothing is seen through any other lens.

Well, the whole thing is I lost the election. That can't be right because I'm a stable genius. Yeah, just the fact that he said he wanted the metal detectors to move because anybody with a gun is not coming after him. Right. I know. know. Well, in that crowd kind of, in that crowd, he was kind of right about that. Yeah. I mean, and you know, he always said, we have the tough people, yeah, meaning the military, the police.

And that's very scary when a civilian leader is talking about, like, I don't wanna push you too far, but I want you to know we have the tough people with us, in other words, the people with the guns. I mean, we're so close to banana republic and military. We're close, but we're not there. You know, you got a lot of people.

Yeah, but you lean these guys, I'm trying chief of staff, you know, military general. Oh, milling, yeah. You milling, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Had dinner with him too, actually. Come on. I did, I had dinner with him watching. Oh, milly, yeah. You milly, yeah, yeah. Yes. Had dinner with him too, actually. Come on. I did, I did it with him watching.

Oh, fuck you, Jay. I did, he's not a very nice guy. I know. A very reasonable guy. Shut up. He's a Massachusetts guy. So how did the, is there just a, is there a 800 number? We're like important people.

No, but I do a lot of veteran things. So you get invited, you get invited to have dinner and all that kind of stuff. Of course. Perfect Jay. Always doing the right thing. Some world leaders want to talk to him. It's hilarious. Yeah, I'm having dinner with William Schattener next week.

They go on that. They go. There you go. There you go. I rest my case. I get it. So you have the lion Wagner. Is he still with it?

No, I don't think so. Well, why? I'm just making why? Why? I thought the name would get a laugh from you. What you did? No, when you walked in and you said, welcome to half-splays.

James French is kissing me. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Look what James French is. He's gave me, you know, some 19-year-olds. Yeah. Oh. All right, well, I can't tell you how much fun this is. It's was fun.

I, thanks, thanks for having me on. You got so low to J. Oh, God, you know me. That's my life. You've never had a drink of them. No, come on. It doesn you know me. That's my life. You've never had a drink of them. No, come on. It doesn't interest me. Right. But you never were curious as to just,

well, I'm sure you're liver, thank you. Yeah. Yeah, I just, I have no moral religious or anything forward against it. Right. I was always a designated, I was the car guy. I was a designated driver. So it's just not something interest me.

You're a car guy? Oh yeah, yeah. See, there's a side you know nothing about. I was supposed to do Jay Leno's Garage. You know nothing about cars. So what? It's a celebrity show.

Right, you have another show on YouTube that's really about cars. Right, right. But Jay Leno's Garage, you don't have to be... You want to be on, you's really about cars. Right, right. But J. Lennon's gonna write you out to be... You want to be out? Well, you booked me. I wasn't, wasn't a blonde. And what happened?

I got COVID. Oh, that's what I was. Okay. Yeah, just like, it wasn't our fault. So, you understand you just had a bout of COVID. I got it. J. I'll tell you a story. If you die, I'm joking.

I'm just, I'm always mocking how overreactive everyone is to fucking COVID. Well, yeah. So you were fine, right? Yeah, I'm fine. Everybody was fine. I mean, everybody seems to get it now. But, you know, the thing is less virulent.

We've had vaccines. Like, people got to let it go, don't you think? Well, I think you got to be, it does affect people differently. So I don't know. Okay, let's not, we won't go there. Yeah. But, but this car, I'm fascinated by this. So you, what do you drive? Right now I'm driving a 71 Porsche 911.

Which of the 250 cars is? Well, two or three. Okay, so like, how do you decide when you have that many cars? I mean, you're kind of like a Hugh Hefner of cars. Whatever you're working on of cars. Whatever I'm working on at the time is usually what? So that's what you wanna, what is it cost you just to maintain

like registration, insurance? Crazy. You must have a whole staff to, I mean, insurance. Crazy. You must have a whole staffed. I mean, you must have a registration come up every other day. Yeah, I know. Yeah, so. And then somebody who handles this.

Yeah, yeah. Well, we got to cover. We're fine. I know you're worried about it. No, I'm just, I got a full shot of my high school. I do painting bodywork, you do metalwork, we do fabrication. Really?

Yes, it's 140,000 square feet garage. I mean, if I hit somebody, I could like get you'd fix it for me. I don't know if I'd fix it for you, but I'd help you out. Really? You'd do the work? You'd do the body work? That's what we do. That's what we do.

I didn't know it was such a... Yeah, yeah. Like a... Come by sometime, I should say. I'm booked on your show. You're booked now. But I was. Yeah, but you got COVID, so we'll do it next week.

You know what, you don't have to have me if you don't want. No, I'd love to have you on. If it's really more about the car. No, I'd love to have you on. Then the person. No, I'd love to have you on. But I feel like I've volunteered. I thought Norma Donald had a drive on my show.

I know how to drive J. I have an excellent drive. I sound like Rainman now. I have an excellent driving record I do. And then I watch Wapner every day. Wapner. Well that was in Rainman, wasn't it? Remember he watched he was Judge Wapner?

I used to have a joke about Wapner. Do you remember that joke? It was. That's when People's Court was the only judge show on TV. And Wapner was huge. And I said, you know, it must be tough, then, when he goes to where the judge is hanging out. You know that bar like in this city, they're going, well, the rights of the individual,

triumph, the rights of the majority in certain cases. Here comes Waltoner. Hey, how's the case of the puppy staying carbon? How's that working out? You know? I think I do remember that. Yeah, that was a stupid joke. Oh, Jay, you always say that about your jokes.

That's stupid joke. But you wouldn't do it if it was stupid. When there was a writer strike, like you wrote your own monologue. Right. And nobody else could have done that. There's nobody else who liked it. Well, I'm glad that strike didn't last that long with me.

You're both somehow, you're somehow both the guy who never fired a writer, right? And that one of your... I never fired anybody. Right. Guys left because they got fired anybody. Right. Guys left, because he had better opportunity of doing the thing. Okay, you never fired a writer, which that's preposterous. And you also can actually write your own monologue, so you could have fired them all.

No, not really, because until I chose to labor into it, it's just too much. No, but I remember during the strike, I remember, like listening, I was like, wow, that's an actual real monologue of real like new jokes. You must have really worked your ass out. The key to that, I remember one guy said to me on the street one day, hey, I don't like you,

but I like your jokes. I said, okay, so you don't like to manufacture, but you like the product, that's fine, that works with me. I would always see comedians guest hosts different shows and they never had material You know, I mean the reason Ellen was successful was she was a comedian. She opened the show with real Joe Yeah, you know, it wasn't just who everybody cool. Who gave me some fun? Yeah, look you know, it wasn't that. I know Ellen's a great comic great comic. Yeah, thanks. I could comic. Yes, that's funny joke Absolutely as an edge to her that's good and the delivery is perfect. Yeah, she's the timing excellent spot right? Thinksucka comic. Yes. Has funny jokes. Absolutely.

As an edge to you, that's good. And the delivery is perfect. Yeah, she's right. The timing. Excellent. Spot on, Benny, timing. Yeah. You know, like, and a minimalist.

Yeah. You know, without ever raising the voice. Right, right. And also, like, in her standup, very apolitical. Right, right. You know, very like, everybody can get in on this. And that, I keep saying, we need more of whatever can make us have a communal experience.

I agree. And you can't, you're right about your show. You can't, your show. You can't have any politics because right away everything is tribal. Yeah. And we didn't used to be there in this kind of. No, no.

I mean, a man of, you know, Jay, what are you 10, to be there in this guy. No, no, I mean a man of You know Jay, what are you 10 15 years older than me now? Yes. Yes. I'm 88 years old No, no, I mean, I know you I know you're in your sevens. Yeah, I'm 72 72. Yeah, how old are you now? 66? 66? Yeah, I know, but again, you know, that's so funny But look the same because you have that Italian no, but look the same because you have that Italian. No, you look the same because we look to say I remember once the Rolling Stones were on TV in my office and some interns come in I went you know, I got a give it Mick Jagger looks pretty good and look at them and they're like I mean they were just laughing because he was this old old man

I'm like, what does he mean? Look at that. I'm like, did you really look at it? And they're like, Mr. Wellow, the guys, 82 or 61 or whatever. Was this originally? Yeah, I mean, this was like, maybe 70 years ago. Well, I mean, now. It just made me laugh. No, I saw them in the,

I'll give you an example. We were shooting the car show, you know? And director said to one of the PAs, he said, Dave, when did you graduate high school? He said 2012. So it's 2019, 27, 2014. What'd you graduate high school, Mr. Lano? 68. 68? 68? Yeah, but, Jay. It's a 1990, 1868, you know. But you know what, Jay, what every other country in the world understands is that, that makes you wiser. That makes you know what, Jay, what every other country in the world understands is that that makes you wiser, that makes you know thing that other people don't know, which is not a detriment.

It's an ad. It's a plus. Right. It's good that you know that every other country, every other culture has always gotten this. This is the only stupid fucking one that looks at that and goes, well, it couldn't possibly have any meaning if I wasn't alive for it. Well, I was talking to one of your producers and made me laugh. I was talking to a young person, a younger person, maybe 35. And he said, in the course of account, he goes, well, you know, back in the 90s, people were really stupid back then.

I don't really, what was stupid about that? Now, what was the stupid part of the night? Like, people were illiterate. They couldn't read what, what was the, and he couldn't tell, what was stupid about that? What was the stupid part of the night? People were illiterate, they couldn't even read what, what was the, and he couldn't tell me what it was, but people were just stupid back then. Well, people just get more and more stupid, unfortunately. I mean, because the people who, I mean, they were stupid in the 90s, but those people who were stupid in the 90s then became the teachers sometimes of the people. I mean, you know, like it's so, we're at least two generations passed, I think, the last time. I mean, Gen X is the last generation

that, like, wasn't a bunch of post-its. And I don't think this country can ever come back from where we are. I mean, people say, well, you know, can ever come back from where we are. I mean, people say, well, you know, it'll come back with you. Well, you know what it is? I mean, it's like, you talk about the greatest generation. And then you suddenly go to our generation to see guys like Pat Tingle there. You know, remember the football player who gave up a lucrative... Pat Tingle.

I mean, tell my name so that's Pat Timlin, sorry. Yeah. Died in Afghanistan. died in Afghanistan, a friendly fire. He was a Arizona card, yes. Star aligned with him. Yeah, I mean, here's a guy who could add a multi-million dollar.

Yes. chose the fighters. You'll always have those people. And nine times out of 10, well, there'll be first generation. Okay. There'll be named Morales, or, you know, have some Spanish surname or a Cuban or

American or Italian or Latin because those are the ones that keep the country great. They come in, they fight for the country, they have children. When we used to knock on doors, it's kind of a fuck you to the Smiths and the Jones. Well, I remember once we'd be doing a J.1. And this guy answers the door and he speaks Spanish, old a guy, like 70 something. Okay. He gets his son, the son comes out, he speaks in Spanish. And then he introduced me to his son, he's got like an FUTe shirt on, some kind of pork

I had and he's got a video game. And he's just an idiot. I mean, the old man was probably still working and his son was still working, but not as hard as the old man. And the kid was just a lazy thing. What about the Jews, Jay? Do they make your list of the good people?

Yes, they do. No, the Jews are in. Thank you. But the Philippians, the Philippians. I think they would fight for their country. They're very good. Well, that's exactly what I mean. But I think the first, just first generation people, that was one of the saddest things

that we could have called the border. And you had all these people who could have come here and instead they'll go to some place else. You know, Steve Jobs was Syrian, I believe, wasn't he? Well, one of his parents, I believe, was Syrian. Well, that's, I mean, sure. We're going to go into another country. Yes, I mean, well, you're Italian, I'm Irish, I mean.

I was telling Lisa Kudra that my grandfather, who I never met, but he was my grandfather, had a full-on Irish broke. I mean, we're a young country. Yeah. And it shows, by the way, because we act like a teenager still. Yeah, I mean, I think in historical terms, we are like sort of like a little bit out of our teens, we're still acting like

douchebaggy. I see the Elvis movie in the theaters now, and it always makes me think, this country is very Elvis-like, where fat, drug-addled, delusional gun nuts. Just like Elvis. I mean, his story resonates because that's the story of us. This is us. He was 42 when he died. It seemed so old when I was 25. Do you remember where you were? Yes, I do. I do too.

I was 21. I was driving back from my summer. The trip you take to see the country where you drive and we had no money in it ate her to a dollar car and we're selling hash, like easy rider, and made it all the way to California. And then of course, that took like six weeks and we wanted to get back home so bad

we'd grow home like in two days. Yeah, it's funny. And I heard it on the radio, driving through Pennsylvania, and all this Presley. And he wasn't even my error, that's really because I was Beatles. Elvis was like, oh, he's like this old school. Right, right. And, but when he came back, like after the movie contract in 1970 and suspicious minds,

that kind of stuff, he was cool again to me. I was still here. I remember when he died, I said, you know what, I'm gonna go up to sour records of buying Elvis record. But the time I got there, there wasn't one record left. Everything Elvis had been sold. It was like, wow, you only died like four hours ago.

And you told me a story not that long ago that you were in Vegas and they were taking down a big... No, I saw these two guys carrying Elvis's, one of those six foot cardboard cutouts. Right. And I said, oh, were you putting up a Elvis thing? You guys put them up. I should shut you down.

No, we're taking it down. Nobody in those dwellers is anymore. All those fans are 80, you know. Yeah, and they just passed me in the 80, you know. Yeah, they just passed me in the hall, you know. That stuck with me. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, obviously since they made a movie, he must still have some residents. Of course he saw his residents. Of course he does. Sure he does. But you're saying like they were. No, I'm just saying it's just a change of, you know, if you don't know, you don't know. But I mean, it's a little scary to think

that someone as big an iconic as Elvis could be like, who, but I'm sure he is too. Lots of, it was anybody bigger than Al Jolson? No, no. Say the name, and Al Jolson. Al Jolson was huge. Did you see the guy I did the black face? Yeah, yeah.

He, Mami and Slammy. Yeah, Aljolson. Jazz singer, he's the first talker. It's okay. Yeah, yeah. You would remember Aljolson being, being Crosby. Yes, Frank Sinatra. Yeah.

I'm guessing the name rings a bell, but people have no idea that, you know. I mean, a friend of mine has a kid who's 14 who knows me as the car guy had no idea. It's about saying, you know, he did the sexual before Jimmy found you right. No, you know, you know, he did. No, no. Well, that's the famous Paul McCartney that when he was in wings, like people didn't know he had to. I have him on my phone.

I have the funniest call from Paul McCartney. Oh, he calls me, he goes, and it's all the time you have it. No, it sounds like a phone call. He goes, Jay, Paul, Paul McCartney calling, how you, because I asked him to be on my car show, and I called him and I let the message. And he called me back to say that he's really busy right now. He's on tour, but maybe next season, I said, okay.

But it's really funny to hear him. Just, hello Jay, Paul McCartney. Well, Jay, it may interest you to know that Tommy James of Tommy James is a sundale. And the chandelier. Crystal and Clover's over at a speed dial. So fuck you, Jay. Bobby Vint, sorry.

That's that Bobby Vint, I think it's not that you. Bobby Vint is out in the hall right now. He's on the show. Thank you, my friend. Thanks for having me. I know. You know, anytime you call me, I will call you. Thank you, my friend. Thanks for having me, you know? I know. You know, anytime you call me, I will call you another one. I know.

And like, you're the kind of guy, like, this is how... Just to see how cool. We get to have a conversation. you