Club Random with Bill Maher - Jay Pharaoh | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: September 22, 2024

Comedy fans! The hilarious Jay Pharoah drops into Club Random and Bill dive deep into Jay’s uncanny celebrity impressions, from a pitch-perfect Donald Trump to a spot-on Denzel Washington and Eddie Murphy. They explore the art of stand-up comedy, the challenges of performing amidst political correctness, and share personal tales of navigating "woke mind disease" and cancel culture. The duo swaps wild stories about nights out and tackle serious topics like race relations, their takes on Trump and Obama, Jay’s personal experiences with law enforcement, and the complexities of dating and relationships. They also discuss the evolution of comedy and the impact of legends like Dave Chappelle. Don’t miss this one! Go to https://www.ZipRecruiter.com/RANDOM and try it, today, for FREE! Go to https://www.SimpliSafe.com/RANDOM to get 50% OFF your new SimpliSafe system PLUS a FREE indoor security camera when you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring. Follow Club Random on IG: @ClubRandomPodcast Follow Bill on IG: @BillMaher Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/ClubRandom Watch Club Random on YouTube: https://bit.ly/ClubRandomYouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Dude, I got a standing ovation. Now I got to throw out all the Jay Pharrell bomb jokes. Sorry, ladies and gentlemen. It's crazy. That's crazy. What do you mean? That's crazy. There's so many.

Wow, that's going to be mean. Let me tell you something. If we're still talking at 8 o'clock, if I heard you have a set at 8 o'clock, it's 5.30, then this has gone very well. What's going on, brother? I know it will. It's been a minute. I'm a fan of yours.

It's been a...I've never met you. I've never met you in person. I said it's been a minute. You sound like a magician. We've never met, am I right? We've never met. We've never met. And I've never performed this trick on you.

Nothing has been prearranged. Nobody's going to pop out of it. There's no invisible. That's what I love about doing this podcast is that you get to, I would normally take a midweek break right at this hour to probably smoke pot with somebody. But now I get to do it with you. Or Quentin Tarantino last week.

It's just, not that I don't love all my friends, but it's like, I have never met you. It's great and I've been a fan. It's insane, because like you said, it feels, it doesn't feel like we haven't met because we've, like I've consumed, I've watched. Of course I've been a fan for years, so it's like, dude, for years I've watched you.

So thank you for having me, brother. Oh yeah. Now you're on me, brother. Oh, yeah. Now, you're on tour? Is that why you're in town? I am on tour. Yeah, I go, usually in the weekends, I go out. I would definitely see you. And I wouldn't see a lot of comedians.

Oh, thank you, man. Thank you. I love to. Every once in a while, I just drop into the back of the comic comedy store or the improv. And it's just, it's like, first of all, it takes me back to when I used to be at the comic comedy store or the improv. And it's just, it's like, first of all, it takes me back to when I used to be at the clubs. So it's kind of nostalgic.

But also, like, it is so much fun to just laugh at a comic. And it's tough when you are a comic because you know the tricks. So, you know, it's a little like what W.C. Field said about, like you could make a regular person laugh by dressing up as an old lady to fall down a manhole cover, manhole. But to make a comedian laugh,

it has to really be an old lady. It's a little like that. It's a little harder to find a vein. Yeah, yeah, but it's like you're saying, if it's good, if it's good, if it's good, it's authentic. It's like, wow, I can't, like, sometimes it's more, it's more like you're watching,

you're watching as like a player. You're looking at like, oh, what's he doing? Like, oh, that's dope, how could he, oh, he's been working at that. Like, he's been working on his three, or he's been, you know, oh, he can dunk now. his three. Or he's been, you know, all he can dump now. You know what I mean? Oh, look.

The last time I went to the comedy stories, had been a while. And some of the things that they were doing reminded me of the exact same stupid mistakes I was doing when I was their age. You know, like, well, like a guy was doing not that bad. Right. It wasn't great. when I was their age. You know, like, well, like a guy was doing not that bad. Right, right. It wasn't great, but he just kept referring

to how bad he was doing, which I used to do also. And it just makes it worse. Yeah. As a person of the credit, I just wanted to say, bro, you're not doing that bad. Right. We're enjoying it. When you hear, especially in the black community, if you're not doing well on stage,

they'll let you know through cutlery, you know, you'll start hearing knives and forks. Purposely doing that? Yeah, you'll hear knives, they'll get louder, you'll hear the sipping of drinks, and then, this motherfucker don't know, you know, you'll hear a lot of that, and all of that mixed together

definitely throws you off as a as a comic who doesn't want to bomb but now the the sharpening of the knives it is so they can actually stab you is that I think so I think I think they're like oh yeah I'm waiting for this yeah you just wait till I get outside shit nobody better say shit I just got out. I don't know. I've done every type of room. I've done mixed, I've done white, I've done black, I've done everything, so luckily. I mean, you know, it's funny you bring that up

because there's a term, crossover artist, that we've had forever. I feel like maybe we're at the point almost where we could retire that because like, we're all becoming more mingled to a degree. I mean look, do you get a much larger black audience and I get a much larger white audience than you do? Yeah, because we're still tribal.

I think you have more black people than I do, Bill. I don't think that's true. I'd like to. I think that's true. You have way more. There's way more black people. Actually, I peeped your set on Def Comedy Jam, and I loved it.

I was like, yo, yo. Def Comedy Jam? Def Comedy Jam. When was I on that? I'm fucking with you. I was going to say, because I have smoked a comedy jam and I loved it. I was like yo, yo. Def comedy jam? Def comedy jam. When was I on that? I'm fucking with you. I was gonna say, cause I have smoked a lot of butt and I might have forgotten that.

Man, I saw a clip, speaking of that, of Smokey Robinson. Oh man. Did you, you know the clip I'm talking about? Was he doing the video? Game banging. He's on Def comedy jam. Oh, is he? It's from, oh it's from quite a while ago.

Was it Def poetry jam he was doing? No, no. Oh, is he a? It's from, oh, it's from quite a while ago. Was it Def Poetry Jam he was doing? No, no. It was Def Comedy Jam? That's what it said. And he is killing. He's doing a routine that I cannot quote. OK. Because he's talking about different names.

Inward and, uh-huh, gotcha. But before that, it was black. Right. I mean African-American, black. And then the further we go back, I can't say them. Right I mean African American, black. And then the further we go back, I can't say them. Even one that used to be completely the right one. The 1800s one, you might not wanna bring that one up. Well, the one that we were using even in the 60s.

That isn't like a slur. That's what Kennedy and Martin Luther King said. Yeah, it's still around, but yeah, go ahead. But we're so sensitive that it's just not worth saying. Anyway, he's going through this whole litany, and he's just basically saying, who makes these changes? He was fine with black. He thought the move to African-American

was a little too much. And he was asking if this is one person who decides this or is there a... Who is the N-word orator who decides, no, you can't, no, you can't, you can't, you too. Was it just us as a community fully? Oh yeah, please like that up. A lot of people don't even know that... Like this up? Is that what you said that up. A lot of people don't even know that.

Like this, sir? Is that what you said? Please. Oh yeah. A lot of people don't even know why. You don't have to. Oh yeah, you're gonna do it. You're gonna do it.

I have such a different, I think I got said, people, I don't think people really know me like that. I have this. I don't. Yeah. I know you as Mr. Funny Guy, mostly on SNL. And, you know, my favorite thing from the beginning on SNL has always been celebrity impressions.

Not just yours. Yours are great. So that, I mean, I remember the very first thing they gave Bill Hader to do. And I loved him from the beginning because- It was Al Pacino, right? Correct. Yeah. The very first time I saw it, I was like, oh fuck.

And then when they do those things, we're like, this is the casting we had for a certain movie, and then they show the- The auditions. The auditions. Such a great premise. I think- So I've always been a sucker for your bread and butter.

I think we did the Back to the Future sketch and he did Pacino and I think in that sketch I did Eddie. I did Eddie back then. Yeah, that's what it was. And he was like, at a flux capacity? What is a flux capacitor? That's hilarious. Yeah.

But I find it so funny, though. Eddie Murphy doesn't even, he doesn't, that's a character voice he's using. Yeah, sure. You know, Eddie Murphy normally just talking regularly. Yeah. He's got like, he's like, wow, I just, I'm just chilling and having a good time,

and you know, smoking a chair, and you know, life is fucked up. One day you just walk in and then you get hit by a car and you're like, hey motherfucker what the fuck you hitting me for? And you're like, you know, and there's nothing you can do about it because that's how fast life hits you. It's like wow. It's like real, you know.

Now you've captured it. He has a philosophical, he's a dad of like 10 kids. He probably is always talking to his kids and he's kind of explaining shit. Anybody that raises that many kids and busts that many nuts is very philosophical. She talked to Nick Cannon, I'm sure he's philosophical as well.

What did you? He's feeling his sophical nuts. That's what he's doing. Did you see the movie Eddie did with Jonah Hill? Oh, yes, I did. What did you think of that? I thought it was good. I did, too, although I had quibbles.

Go ahead. You had quibbles? Well, it's a little woke for me, yeah. OK, OK. Like it's a little, you know, I forget what. Also, they meet fighting for a cab. I mean, I felt like Jonah gave himself some cringey lines about, you know, I just can't stand the, you know,

I'm sorry, before we even begin a conversation, I must apologize for what every white person in history has done, but you left your lights on. Please. I mean, it's like, there was a little of that that I always like I'm a little allergic to quite frankly Yeah, a letter is a letter open letter written Apologizing for slavery those type of things remember that the the Kenan movie where he's the mailman and I think it's this is it no no no no no it's a

Straight- up comedy. It's like, don't drink your juice in the hood. Drink your juice in the hood, yes, yes, yes. And like somebody will have a line in the movie. And it's a, I mean, he did parody like nobody. Oh, absolutely. And then he would be the, he was the guy, he played, he was directed it, I think,

but he just gave himself this cameo. And he, message! Remember that? He turned right to camera and went message. He was, they've always had. I love when they take the piss out of shit like that. When they break the fourth wall. Well also just taking the, I mean, you know,

it's harder for white people to do that about any black stuff but to take the piss, everybody needs to take the piss out of everything. Yeah, out of whatever. take the piss out of everything. Yeah, absolutely. Take the piss out of everything. And you're right that, you know, everybody is so, everything is so serious.

People are so ready to get offended over whatever. You know what I mean? Just so they can feel included in the, feel included in the, oh, it's happening to me too. But yo, I'll tell you some real stuff. I did a show in, it always happens when I'm in, always happens near Cleveland, always happens in, always happens in Cleveland.

Yeah, always happens in Cleveland. Well, always happens in Ohio. Shit always happens in Ohio. Everywhere I go in Ohio, there's always some weird stuff. Had a lady walk out of a show, oh, her fam, oh please, yes. Oh God, yes. Well, weird in what way? What are we talking about?

So she, her and four of her family members that she was with, all Caucasians, you know, so I'm using the N word. As is your right as is my right and She gets mad and she she walks out and I got ADD So wait a white lady walked out on it. Okay, this I'm gonna let you I'm gonna let you finish Taylor, but this is what just

Makes the left this kind of thing. so obnoxious. People wonder why do you hate the left so much? I have it straight in my head who's actually more dangerous and of course it's the right, but it's this kind of shit that in the pit of your stomach you just fucking hate people like that. So go ahead, a white lady walks out on you. She walks out on me because I'm using it now everybody's having a great time now. I got ADD so immediately I said we y'all going What the fuck y'all going I dropped the mic and I followed it where you do have really do have a D. Oh, yeah Yeah, it's bad. It's bad. I'll also real quick. You know, I've learned how to

I've learned how to combat it with weed, but for the most part, I could be all over the place, whatever, I've learned how to turn it into a superpower. But anyway, go back to the story. Right. I walk out, and I'm looking, I'm like, I'm like, why did you walk out? She was like, that word you used, I said,

ma'am, I said which one, because you know, I talk a lot, which word you used, I said, ma'am, I said which one? Because you know I talk a lot. Which word you talking about? The N word, I start walking away. She says, where are you going? I said, I'm not having this conversation with you. No, my grandson is black. So because... Alright, I'm gonna beat this lady over the head.

She's not even here, I'm gonna fucking beat her over the head. I wish that was the world's smallest violin and I could play it right now. What, how about you get... No I don't do drugs. Oh okay, cool. No I'm kidding, give me the drink. Okay cool, you get, please. You good, you good, you good?

No I'm good. Okay, alright, put it down. No, I'll take it. Yeah please man, come on. OK, cool. Please. You're good. No, I'm good. Put it down. I'll take it. Yeah, please, man. Come on. Please take it.

I honestly think that that is much more offensive than a white person actually using the word. Yes. How dare you? How dare you? How dare you? You're trying to deprive me of my colonial right of saying this word.

She really got mad. She was like, well, you shouldn't use it. My grandson, I said, man, how about being viewed as one of those to the general populace that doesn't even know all of the different levels to the word. I said, think about that. And I keep walking, well fuck you, well fuck you too. Really it got to that?

Yes. How old was this person, may I ask? She was like, she had to be in her 60s. 60s? 60s. I would have guessed way younger, but it just shows that that the woke mind disease Yeah, does it does exist? Yeah, and it does exist

in potentially anybody You know people Really got on musk for saying woke mind disease and let me tell you he's got a woke mind disease now, too I mean and that's the that's the political situation.'re in basically. It's like he's not wrong that There is a woke mind disease on the left. I agree but it Trump ism is also a mind disease Oh and and Man some of these guys who used to be center-right

Have gone full-on, you know, like yeah, like the way Trump either makes you go so far left, you're obnoxious, or so far in the adventure, insufferable, and here I am in the middle. Can I ask you this though? Is it... Do you look at Trump as a... Do you look at him from a comedic standpoint? Like that's how I try to do. Because okay, whatever he says is gonna be crazy as shit,

a lot of it has to be fact checked because like 90% of it is bullshit. You can just assume it's wrong. Right. Because he, I mean that sounds snarky, it's just true. Because he would be the first to tell you if he could be rational about something. But he said it in so many words to other people

in interviews that he's not even attempting to tell what's absolutely, like factually true. No. It's sort of spiritually true. Like, you can't take it literally. And he's not even attempting it. It just feels right to say and then he'll pull something out of his ass like unemployment the official is three

percent it could be they say it could be up to 45. Well it plainly could not and is it but he said things like and he does it all the time. So it's a tremendous superpower in politics because you do that constantly and then no one expects you to make literal sense. Can you imagine what kind of advantage of that is in a presidential race? Not to have to make literal sense? He's got that going for him.

Wow. Anyway. He's got the keys, but he's... You do him? I do. Damn, I'm going to do it right now. I didn't hit the... No, you don't have to.

Let's see how it is. No, no, no. You're not performing here. No, no, no. I'm right now. I didn't hit the... No, you don't have to. See how it is. No, no. You're not performing here. No, no, no. I'm just asking. No, I do. I started, he was the last, he's one of the last ones. At first I didn't want to do him

because everything that he stands for, I mean, everything that he's done. He's a bad man, yes. He's done some, he's done some. He's a bad guy. Just a He's done some, he's done some. He's a bad guy. He's just a bad guy. I don't like him. But then I started saying, well if I watch this guy. Oh, that's great.

If I absolutely look at this man. Wow. And I see exactly what he's trying to do. I'm basically, basically a genie in a lamp rub me, rub me baby, rub me, rub me the right way. And swear to God people will die and no one will care, no one will care about the death, no one cares. Death?

People die all the time, B. Hey! Just like money making Mitch said, like he said in Paid in Full, in words die, die every day be. They absolutely do. They die.

Okay, I'm out. I will not say it. My... Wow. My ninth cousin, twice removed, is an octoroon. And I...

Can you still say that one? Oh, give us a fuck. You don't mind, do you? Go ahead, man. It's a funny word. It's a octoroon? Yes. I mean, the fact that... Octoroon?

You've heard it. No, I've never heard that word. Are you serious? What is octoroon? You've never heard octoroon? No, no, no. What is octoroon? You never heard octoroon? No, no, what is octoroon? Well, ock from eight.

I think it's someone who was one eighth black. Oh wow. They had, yeah. They had words like that. Like I think that's if one of your grandparents. Well, wow, I've never heard that before. Octoroon. Yeah.

That's, no, we've heard like, yeah, this person never heard that before. An octoroon. Yeah. That's, uh, no. We've heard, like, OK, this person's mixed or something. I don't think it was. It certainly was not used as a slur. Yeah. There was no, you damn. That sounds, I'm sorry, octoroon. That sounds delicious.

Whatever the fuck it does. It sounds good. Yes, I'll have the octoroon. Yes, please. Can I get that with rice? Hey, can we get a couple more octoroons over here? Oh, compliments to the chef. The octoroon, it's amazing.

I love this octoroon. This could also be a drink. Yeah. Little octoroonie before work, huh? How's about me and you? How's us an octoroon? Why does that guy shoulders, why is that guy shoulders like this? What the fuck? Here please.

Let's take. Well, that is a great Trump. It's so funny to me that Trump, I think nobody like got him. They did these impressions like Alec Baldwin, which was funny and fine, but it wasn't him. It wasn't spot on. It was. It didn't capture the essence of him or really the sound.

And then you got it. Our guy Matt Friends got it. Absolutely. The dude on SNL now. I should know his name. He's definitely got it. He totally is a genius at it. Several people and it's funny there was a breakthrough. There was a certain moment. It's the hands.

Did I just drop the baby? The baby is dropped. I dropped this baby. Someone pick up this baby quickly. We don't want it to turn to one of those. It's the channeling of the stream of conscious. Yeah, that goes. Because he just is a mental patient. So it's just a guy ranting and the way he connects. They once did one on SNL and they put me in it because Chris Christie, he's like, I saw Chris Christie on the panel. You have to sit there with the other dopes. He didn't even get the top spot in the front.

And then he goes from like that to pirates. It's just, it's all over the place. And when you capture that, you capture him, and you have. And he's well appreciated. A lot of people don't see me do that one. You know what, man? While we're even talking about this, a lot of folks don't even know that I do white folks.

They're just like, they ask questions. Does he do white people? Like, yeah, of course, I can do white folks. You just did Trump. I just did Trump. Like, come on, son, I can do white folks. You just did Trump. I just did Trump. Like, come on, son. I mean, there's more, but there's so much. Everybody's voice is different.

So you just got to be able to tap into it. Also, you go where the customer has been underserved. And the customer has been underserved. And the customer has traditionally been underserved with doing the black voices. Because most of the impressionists were white. I never heard anybody do Denzel, which, you know, who has to be my favorite movie star. I realize when I...

You see, that's the thing. That's the thing, Bill. They don't understand. They don't understand how much dedication it takes to put inside the pot the right ingredients to make that gumbo. You understand? That's what it is. Wow. It's kind of scary, right? It's like you're sitting here talking black.

It's scary that when I closed my eyes, I couldn't tell that it wasn't. You know, that's the thing though. You know, if you open them as well, you can also see it. You can just, you can see me go right into the pocket. You know, that's the pocket right there. You're looking at both pockets and you pay the bill. That's what you do, Bill. Yeah.

Who thought you'd be sitting here? Who thought, hey, Denzel Washington and Bill Maher smoking in Jada Gallagher? That's what you do. I would really love to do it with the real one. Can you connect me? Really, I'm sure you have meetings. You know what, I met Denzel.

Here you go, brother. He's just the coolest. He is, him and Lenny Kravitz, man. Like, oh, I met him, he's a big fan. Yeah. Like I could tell legitimately, I was so honored. I told him at the Oscars, trying to get him here too. Yeah, he's a... Big fan of his.

But Denzel, like, just as far as like the batting average of entertaining movies, one after another. I just watched the, for the second time of entertaining movies, one after another. I just watched the, for the second time, the third equalizer, because it was so good. He and Fuqua, what a great team, training day. Yeah, man. Trump reminds me now, I've said this I think somewhere,

of Denzel at the end. I'm King Kong up in this. And like, I think Trump's power is ebbing, finally. I don't think he's gonna win the election. No, no. And I think he's a little bit like, I'm King Kong up in here. And people are like, we were afraid of you for so long and we're under your thumb and you know what? We finally, we were afraid of you for so long, and we're under your thumb, and you know what?

We finally, even us who liked you, we've had enough of the act. Absolutely. And they just start walking away, throwing their bandanas now. Right. Well, that's really not what the Republicans do, but their version of that.

Yeah, they don't, yeah. Right. Oh, my editorial at the end of the show this week is about Matthew Perry and the drug industry. And the doctors who killed him. And I mean it was just like, I mean I have very mixed feelings about Western medicine. I'm glad it exists kind of in the same way I'm glad guns exist because otherwise we'd be at the mercy of people who were stronger than us.

But I don't want to use them and I don't want to use Western medicine unless I have to, but sometimes you have to. But I mean, their callousness, you know, I mentioned not just him, there's a line in it about doctors killed Elvis, they killed Prince, they killed Tom Petty, they killed Michael Jackson, they've killed more rock stars than twin engine planes. Which is like pretty on the edge of what you really should be able to say.

Yeah. But it's true. But you never had a drug problem, right? No, no, no, no, I've never had a drug problem. You can always get the drugs you need. That's why I meant it's no problem. It's like you can go, yeah, you go right there to the dispensary and get what you need.

But did you do through your 20s and stuff, did you do every kind of drug? No. You never tried all these different kind of drug? Did you try it? You never tried all these different kinds of drugs? No. No, just pot? You know what, man? Yeah, just pot, because Charlie Murphy told me, I got mollied one time, that happened.

I didn't know it was in a drink or whatever, but it was six doses, bad. Six doses? Six doses, yeah. That were put in your drink? Yeah. Yeah. You know, I got roofied ones. Really? Six doses. Six doses. Yeah. That were put in your drink? Yeah. You know, I got roofied once.

Really? Well, I just remember being at a bar and it was the, like I've been drunk. I certainly was drunk a lot in my 20s and 30s and I hate to say it kind of ashamedly, but into my 40s and a little into my 50s. It's a new day. How can you make the most of it with your membership rewards points? Earn points on everyday purchases. Use them for that long-awaited vacation.

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like the deal on new running shoes squeal, the deal on a new blender squeal, or the infamous deal on a new massager squeal. Say big on electronics, fashion, and more this Prime Big Deal Days, October 8th and 9th. But like, no matter how drunk I got, there was not like a four hour period when I remember nothing. Right. And that happened one night.

I was at a bar. This is about the year 2000. Again, I'm 44. I shouldn't even be in a bar, but fuck it. You know what? A lot of us grow up late. Or if you're lucky, not at all. Ugh.

So I'm in this bar, and then I was home, and yes, did I leave with a woman? Yes, and I don't know if she, I don't think she did it. She seemed to be in a very good mood the next morning, so nothing bad happened, but there was like a four hour period where I don't remember anything. And that never, I must have been on, I must have been roofied.

Where you, where you uh? Where you roofied you. Where you emptied, it was um, where you emptied out, did you feel, did anything happen? I was 25 years ago, I don't remember that kind, I mean I don't remember anything bad. I remember thinking, oh good, someone's going home with me.

I remember that, I felt good about that. I don't think she had anything to do with it. She literally didn't have to roof me to get me to go home with her. I was pregnant with her. That's another thing though, check it out. When you put the shoe on the other foot, you're talking about, all right,

like you got Rufy, I got Molly, whatever. But if something would happen to us, like say a woman would do something, like you know, nobody would say, everybody be like, oh stop, oh stop bragging. You know what I'm saying? Right, as well they should. As well they should.

See I don't think people did it to me, I think probably, here should. But. Well, they should. See, I don't think people did it to me. I think probably, here's my theory. I'm in this bar. It was like a big bar. You know, when this is, again, a long time ago, very big bar around the whole room. So there's like a million. You could see like a million people. I would say this bar was, oh my God, at least 30 feet long. So you could see like, I think somebody across the way

was like, saw me, some guy, and had brought some roofy shit, and again, I say roofy, I don't know what the drug was. Somebody told me it was probably GHB, whatever that is. Whatever it was, I lost like four hours. But I think some guy was there, and he was like, there was no girl he wanted to do, but he saw me and hated me from television, Bill Maher from television, who's very popular

and also hated by a lot of people, and thought, oh, I'll fuck this guy up. And that's just a theory. He was just looking. That's just a theory. He was just looking. Yeah. Oh. Oh, I've been waiting to use this motherfucker.

He just puts it... I mean, I made that up, but it couldn't... I can't even think of anything else. Why someone would put... Or in my drink. Or it could have been something else, maybe. Well, why did they do it to you? Oh, it was just... it was the people I was with, like.

The people you were with. Yeah, this girl was a rockette, whatever. She had her friends. She was a rockette. A rockette? A rockette. Like literally, at the Rockefeller Center? Yeah, she was a rockette.

Yeah. I know you said it was such pride. Yeah. No, like, no, I'm sure she's very attractive. They don't hire ugly, no ugly rockettes. No, I'm sure she's very attractive. They don't hire ugly Rockettes. No, no, not at all. They're adorable. Rockettes are adorable.

Man, you're knocking off Rockettes. You're a baller. Amen. I'm just, listen. Hey, I can introduce you to the June Taylor dancers. I think you will be very impressed, my friend. Just introduce me to the people, the River Dancers. Just show me some River Dancers.

I'll be good with that. Alright, so the Rockette roofied you? Yeah, it was, um... Wow. No, no, because all of her friends were about to, they were about to do it. And, uh, I saw champagne. The Rockettes are loaded like that?

Yeah, they got shit. That's why they kick like that, huh? Yeah, that's why it's so high, because... I see. Yo, dude, it's... Okay, we learned stuff on this podcast. Okay, so the Rockettes... I was hanging out with her and her friends,

and somebody had it, and I didn't know that it was the champagne. I didn't know it was champagne. I didn't know it was was the champagne. I didn't know it was champagne. I didn't know it was in the champagne. Oh. And yeah. They didn't tell you on purpose? No, no, no.

They just, you know, nobody's, I guess it's known. I guess they're regular Molly takers. Right. Just assumed it's in the champagne. Oh, yeah, he knows. Please. Yeah, it's champagne. Of course he knows.

We're in the VIP section. Of course there's Molly in the champagne. We're not animals here. I mean, we're not farmers for crying out loud. Come on, man. Yeah, we're not... We're not sophisticated city. Yeah.

Who serves champagne without Molly in it? Oh, okay. So it was there, and I like champagne, so... And I drink fast. I used to drink very fast. Stop doing that, Bill. Had to stop doing that. So you don't drink at all?

I don't drink anymore. That's good. Drinking is the worst. Yeah, no, no, no. But you hit, please. No, I drink a little. But I drink so much. You know, I saved my drink for this show.

But really, I have literally two or three drinks a week. Oh, OK. I used to have two or three before I went out. Yeah. Mine was a little bit more than that, I have literally two or three drinks a week. Oh, okay. I used to have two or three before I went out. Yeah. Mine was a little bit more than that, I believe. Oh really, you had a drinking problem? It wasn't a drinking problem, what it was. You could get all the liquor you wanted.

It wasn't a problem. It was there, it was there. So you just have a couple, then you have a couple more. Then you have another one? Right. And then it's like your five, six drinks in. But my mother has a very high tolerance. So.

For you or liquor? Liquor. So that's like a thing. I don't know if it's a Brooklyn thing or whatever, but it ain't a Brooklyn thing. It's just a her thing, whatever. So me and my sister, we got these crazy tolerances. So I could drink eight in a day or something like that.

Yeah. There are people who do way more than that. Yeah. They're called the British. I mean, really, the British rock stars, the British actors, especially the old school dudes like Michael Caine, and talking about Oliver Reed, Peter O'Toole, that Richard Burton, that crew, they put away bottles in a day. Like they have a bottle and then like wine at lunch because that was just like almost.

Yeah, you gotta have wine. To be that pissed and still act. So yeah, I remember certainly going out when I was 20s and 30s and we went out, you had all this energy back then and also you were always on the hunt. Yeah. Which is just so embarrassing to think about it even when you were always on the hunt. Yeah. Which is just so embarrassing to think about it, even when you were young.

But okay, so you'd go to like two or three different places in a night. Yeah. Okay, and each one you'd have two or three drinks. Absolutely. Okay, so if you go to three places times three drinks, you know, yeah, you're already up to... So yeah. Your body is almost too good when you're young because it allows you to abuse it this much.

Yeah, you right. You become allergic to things that you were never allergic to before, like Caesar salad. Yeah. You wanna kill me easily, just. Why? Just give me a Chicken Caesar wrap, I'm gone. I'm outta here. I think it's the anchovies in it.

But I grew outta that when I was 30, I had that. And by the time I was 35. Did you ever get close to getting married? Oh, I mean, yeah, early in my 20s. But you got out of it? Yeah, I got out of it. She had a daughter, which was cool. You know, I loved her daughter as well, that's her. But, yeah, man, I just, I hadn't lived life, man,

so I just, I got out of that situation. And I try to come back, because you know, you think, you know, you're like, man, well, I'm over there, I'm on the SNL at this time. Right. Dude, I'm, what, I'm 20, 22 when I got the job. Really, that young? I'm 22 when I got the job. Really, that young? 22 years old when I got the job.

So 23, 24, 25, like I'm teetering or whatever when it comes to the relationship. Because the only thing I requested was like, no stress. Oh, you know, don't stress me. Whatever, I got to be at this job that requires It requires my attention. That is the Yo, well, I mean that's the hardest thing to request I think of a woman and The most amazing thing to find if you find that in a woman. Yeah, it gives you no stress

Absolutely. I don't feel bad about staying single my whole life looking for that. And when you find it, it is pretty amazing. Yeah. Because, I'm not knocking women, it's just like in their nature, certain things, when I look back on my life,

I realize that the majority of the stress did not come from work, even though people would think, oh, Bill, you're mixing dangerous chemicals every week on that show. And I am, and there have been very stressful moments. And each week, I guess, is somewhat stressful. But the real stress in my life came from relationships, even good ones. There's just a built-in, like, I'm living my life and I have to kind of live your life too. Yeah.

Yeah. That's the way you said that. No, because I feel you. I know you do, we all feel this way. It's harder. Yeah man, and to incorporate, like you're saying, I'm incorporating your life and mine, I'm trying to move at a level,

and I'm trying to elevate. Right, well I also gotta think about my day and apparently your day. Yours. It's like two days. It's 48 hours and 24 hours. It's crazy. If you can find someone who, like, shit if you asked about my day,

that is a real find. Oh man, let's just sit there in silence. And it doesn't mean you don't care. Right, we admire each other. This is admiration. But I always wonder why people just, why don't you just go to the gym? Why don't you just go to the gym? Why don't you. Right, we admire each other. Right. This is admiration.

But I always wonder why people just, why don't you want to just, when you're with the person, be at your best. Yeah. Like, of course, if there's something serious, you're significant other, you want them there for you. But like, just day-to-day day shit like my boss doesn't understand me. It's like why don't you just let the character actors handle that.

Absolutely. And then you just be the star of the show and have it be a great romantic comedy every time. But it's hard, I guess. I don't know. It's just what you. But now you're totally single? No, god dang it.

No, no, no, no. You know what? I wouldn't want to answer the same question, so just forget it. I'm like, let's. No, no, no, no, no. I would tell you this. There is a lovely piece of me that I have found. Piece of what? Piece of me that I have found.

Piece of what? Piece of me that I have found. Oh good, I thought you said meat. Oh no, no, no, no. Piece of meat, I mean come on, be a little more gentlemanly than that. No, Bill, I don't go to the parties. I don't do that. We stay away from those. Piece of me you found.

Yes. That's a you found. Yes. That's a good title for something. So I would say. Piece of me I found. I mean, you've got to find people that just don't know jail with you in a certain way, and they understand. Don't stress you. That's right.

You've got enough of your own stress. Exactly. So she don't stress your boy out. right. You got enough of your own stress. Exactly. So, you know, she don't stress your boy out. I'm like, listen, sweetheart, beautiful. That's the piece of me you found. Yeah. Because if you don't have that, what you're saying to somebody is, you want a piece of me?

And that's why I like marijuana. Hey, man, I love it. Oh my gosh. It is a beautiful addition to the household, however. Well, you know, there's only really, I was thinking about this issue with what we were talking about before and what I was working on this week, although it's not in the piece, but like people are always asking, what's the gateway drug?

But they're very obsessed with that, especially people who don't think drugs should be legal and so forth. And my answer always is, whatever is the first one you do. For some people, it's beer. For some people, it's pot. Kids these days, Ritalin or whatever. But the first time you go from, oh, reality to, this is something where my mind can go and it's... After decades of shaky hands caused by debilitating tremors, Sunnybrook was the only hospital

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There's nothing wrong with that. It's like having a vacation home. But, yeah. But what if your time share becomes your home? That's the problem. Exactly. Some people want, that's it. Some people cannot go on vacation either one day, or even one day, because then they'll just stay on vacation.

Get lost. I mean, there are a lot of people who stay on vacation. I mean, America, you know, I'm generally liberal on these things, but we also do have a lot of deadbeats and ne'er-do-wells, and people who take advantage of our often generous system. You know, those knuckleheads on January 6th, you know, Trump is having a award show for them. They'll get off, they'll absolutely get off.

Really? Yeah. You won't have to worry about voting in four years. No one had to worry about it. Did anybody just hear what this motherfucker just said? Yeah I did, I heard that. He says the quiet part out loud, you gotta give him that. But these guys, you know, I'm not saying they're not sincere but...

North Korea is not that bad, it's not that bad. We can change America into North Korea. Why not? One person to follow me, who else? Lick my wounds, lick my toes. What? Yeah, remember he wrote a love letter to Kim Jong-un? Oh my gosh, man. What the?

But those guys, you know, again, deadbeats in America, I just gotta say, they're all about being hardworking Americans, but somehow, they all had a day off in the middle of the week. Somehow, nobody missed work. Like when it came to J6 Day, they were able to get the day. I feel like a lot of them just had the day off. Yeah, they had the day off.

I don't think it was a problem. There was a list. They had an Instagram page. They had the whole nine yards. They did, yes they did. They had it set up. They said, we're gonna meet on this day. Everybody clock in.

They had a piece of paper, they passed it around. It was a meeting. There were definitely meetings. Yeah, I always thought that they accented too much Trump's activities on that day, which were, of course, reprehensible. But legally, to try to get him on that is just too tough. The crime he committed was having not

conceded the election up until that day and of course every day after it, up until the present, still hasn't conceded. But the election was early November, this was January 6th, he still had not conceded the election in that whole time while trying a million different ways to stay in office. That's the crime. The entire time span from,

okay, we'll give you a week after the election. Certainly all the votes are in by then. No, they don't all come in on election night now. We do it by mail. I don't know why they can't get it better. Other countries do it. Brazil did it in like fucking three hours. But okay, it's America.

We fuck things up. But a week after the election, that's it. Okay, that's it. After that, you gotta like take one for the team. I know it hurts to lose. Yeah, he was squatting in the White House. He was a squatter, yes. He was just squatting in the White House.

Didn't LeBron have squatters? Didn't he have a thing about squatters? What the fuck? No, no, no. Yeah, he owned some prop, yes. Oh, so somebody broke into his shit. It wasn't his own house, of course, but he owned some other house.

And you know, it's funny out here in liberal LA when something actually happens to the liberal. Suddenly they understand what people, you know, like all the migrants that got bused to New York and Chicago and, well, we get them directly. But, you know, I was very sympathetic to those border states who were like, yeah, you're yelling at us,

but now you see what we're dealing with. You know, now they're in your hotels. It's costing your taxpayers. We're not even saying we shouldn't have immigrants, but somebody's gotta pay for it. Somebody's gotta pay for it, yeah, exactly. So, you know, now you're so bitchy, they're on Martha's Vineyard.

Okay, well I thought you were the one who said you wanted them. You know, let's spread the pain around. This is so beautiful, I love this place here. Who's that? No, it's just somebody just chilling. Somebody chilling there at the vineyard. Oh, somebody at the vineyard.

Yeah, it's very nice. I love the view from here. It's beautiful. It's the migrant, he just got off the bus.. Oh, I love it It's the migrant. Yeah, just got off the Yeah, and then you have to have like the liberal Karen there with him can I get you anything You must be so sorry. It's so thirsty walking a thousand miles. I did not walk. I took a plane Because that's how most migrants get here. They take a plane and then they just stay. They don't like crash through the,

I mean some do obviously, many do. But most people who are in the, much like, some of them use abilities. Yeah, the wall is not, unless the wall can stop planes, it's not gonna do anything. People come, you buy a ticket to America, anybody can do it and then, and then you're supposed to go back and then they just disappear.

Yeah, it's called Greyhound, it's quick. It's called Greyhound, it's just, you know, it's not rocket science getting into this country. It's a bus, it's not art. Yeah, I feel like it was easier to joke around on racial stuff. Years ago. Am I wrong about that? No, you're absolutely right about that.

Because like I said, everybody is just so, everybody's so ready to get offended. Everybody's so ready to be part of the general populace. Like yeah, I'm mad too, I'm angry too, so, you know. It offends me because I feel like you should trust me. Unless I do something really horrible, which I'm not gonna do. But you should trust me that if I make a certain joke,

you know where my heart is, you know where I've been. I mean, I gave Obama a million dollars, okay? I think I paid my dues so that we can just joke. And of course, it's better when we do joke. Yeah. When you keep it bottled up, it's just not healthy. Also, because it's like a, it's a bonding mechanism. Yeah.

It's like, but you have to trust the person is not doing it with ill intent. But like, you know, if you do a, or any black comic does a white voice You know, they all have me White guy talks, right? I'm sure you got your Basically mind just sounds like John Mulaney. I guess just okay. There you go I mean, but so that's funny and it is funny

I always laugh at it, but I but I can't if I do it if I did a black voice There I that we they'd be canceling me the next day. And that's just like, really, you don't trust me. That's to the people, that's just the folks that are in charge, not everybody else like on the ground level. Some people don't care. Most people don't care. Some people don't care. Okay, most people don't care.

But they still go along with it, because nobody wants to be the one who gets called out by the mean girls on Twitter that you're not in line with the wokest of the woke. So they get into, you're right, people don't really care. But we've seen it too many times, where they also don't wanna to stick their neck out. Not that it should be something that requires that much courage, but I don't know if you saw Bobby Kennedy endorse Trump.

And then he's married to Cheryl Hines, Larry David's work wife on Curb Your Enthusiasm and many other projects. And you know, I know her, I know them, and I really felt bad for her because they came after her. And you know, Bobby Kennedy, does do a lot and say a lot of weird fucking shit.

I mean, eating bears and cutting up dead whales and I mean, what the fuck? Worm in his brain? Yeah, he must watch some, he must watch anime or some shit, some hentai shit. It's fucked up. You know what I'm talking about? I mean, I know what anime is.

Okay, you know what hentai anime is. I don't know what hentai is. That's some other crazy. What is it? It's like anime porn, but it's like fucked up shit, like motherfucker tentacles and shit like that. Oh, okay, sure.

Yeah, so he must be watching, he must be seeing some of that type of thing too. I remember reading something about that, that Japanese porn got into the tentacles, because for some reason I think they were highly censored after the war so that you couldn't show a penis. I didn't know that.

I'm not sure I know it. I'm just saying I think I read that. But that makes sense to me. I feel like that does resonate that there was some very strict laws about what you could show and so that the tentacle became sort of a replacement for the penis. And then they got into it because humans are fucked up like that. They like octopus porn. That's what they like.

Octoporn. As opposed to Octoroon. That's what they like. Octo-porn. As opposed to octoroon. Octoroon, yep, which is 1 eighth, yep. And thank you, because that's a new word I've learned. I never heard of that. Octoroon. We're going to have to find out how offensive it's going to be.

But I meant no offense, and you took no offense, right? I didn't. No, it's historical. It's historical. That's a, yeah. That's a word that's been used for centuries. People back then were just obsessed with race. And then I feel like they got less obsessed.

Now they're back to it. Absolutely. So maybe we'll be hearing that word again, but I hope not. I just, I mean, I'm the old school liberal. I guess I'm showing my age, but you know, Martin Luther King, content of their character, not the color of their skin, you know, colorblind society. We don't, we know, of course we know it, not the color of their skin, colorblind society.

Of course we know it, you're not blind, but you could care less. That I thought was the goal. But now people, like you're saying, people are picking it back up. Yeah. But I also get that side a little bit, because there's still lots of racism in America. It's not like we got rid of it.

But it's like saying there's criminals. Yeah, there's always going to be criminals. There's always going to be- It became more emboldened in 2016 though. Absolutely. Trump gave them a lot of permission. And as soon as he got in there, now folks are, now the racial slurs are going up.

People are being more violent towards, you know, POCs or whatever. You know, it just became a super hatred society. It didn't seem like it was happening. And it was bubbling up. And he just basically just turned the flame It was a combination of and of course turned it up He's part of this but it was a combination of Trump in and also after eight years of Obama

So anybody who was not really down with the idea of a black family eating off the White House, China Shall we say Anyone who is not really down with that of a black family eating off the White House china. Shall we say it? Anyone who is not really down with that, you know. Yeah, had a voice. Well, they just, it was. It came out. There was gonna be some level of backlash. Right.

We've been waiting for this. They just. Yeah. I mean, the reason why I gave him a million dollars was the second term. I thought him having a second term was even more important than the first term. It had to be a successful presidency, or else they would have said, well, we tried it. But never again. Well, you know, it didn't. And the truth is, it was like among the most successful, because I still don't think they

really talk about it enough. He came in like in the middle of a shit storm. Absolutely. The economic crash. The worst kind of shit storm. And made the right calls. You know, saved GM, bailed out the banks as much as people hated that.

I mean, I think people really don't understand enough how close we were to a depression, not just a really bad recession, and how they, looking back, they kind of like, looking back, they made the right moves. As much as people were screaming at them. It had to be done. I just, I remember how much pride we took, man. It was 2008.

We took so much pride, man. At 91, there was this, I remember we were at the Chick-fil-A. I was at VCU at the time. VCU. Yeah. Virginia Commonwealth University. Oh, okay. Yeah.

I was there and we were out there marching and there was this lady at the Chick-fil-A and she was always so mean, angry lady, whatever. You can't have that. You can't get yourself a sausage biscuit. You can't do that with a chicken biscuit. You can't do that. And we'd be like, all right. You can't do that with a chicken biscuit. You can't do that. And we'd be like, all right, well forget you.

You know, fuck it, you know? Right. We went in there that night. She was like, I can't believe this happened. She just let us walk out with all the chicken sandwiches and sausage and egg biscuits. Yeah, she didn't even care. She was so flabbergasted.

She was- I can't believe that happened. Nah, y'all go ahead. Do what you want to do. Have whatever. Like the world had come to an end. Like the world had come to an end. So just give up. Yeah.

I'm pretty sure she's not here now because that was 2008 and she was about, she was like 78 years old. And that's the, you know, again, one of my beefs with the left is like, they never acknowledge like where we really are now. Not all the way, but those kind of people, exactly what you said, they're dead or dying.

It's just not where the zeitgeist is. I mean, I think bringing, you know, bringing up the rear is possibly cops because they still. Bringing up the rear, saying bringing up the rear in 2024 is crazy. That's crazy. What do you mean? That's crazy.

There's so many, wow, that's gonna be mean so many times. But they also have the hardest job. Yeah, I got what you're saying, but like, Bill, like we're about to get memed and shit for that comment. They're going to meme the shit out of this. The cops won't like it. No, forget the cops.

It's not the, it's the internet. The motherfuckers, and they brutal. It's okay. Fuck them. I mean, but it's, I mean, look, I've defended the cops and also been very hard on them when they deserved it and also want people to acknowledge that from when I started, because I just did a book where I went through all the editorials over the years.

So I know exactly what I used to say and it's different than what now. There was a number of them that were about how whatever cops do, they just will say, well, we actually did it by the book, and we did nothing wrong, and none of them ever went to jail. And that's different now. Yeah. Like, there's been a dozen cases where they go to jail, most famously the George Floyd case, and where the other cops don't defend.

There used to be like the blue line and there is never a crack in it. That's not where we are now. I'm not going to like pretend we're in a place that we're not. That's not what I do for a living. So I don't know what anybody should do in journalism. Talk about where we are. But, you know, I'm sure there's still, you know, some pullovers and shit that should not be happening. I just think it's ingrained in the police culture a little bit.

Yeah. I mean, I think police are damned if they do and damned if they don't. Correct. damn that they do and damn that they don't. You got the hardest jobs in the world. And at the same time, one false move and it's either a rap or now like you're saying, now you're getting locked up or something. And being on the end of it, because I have been wrongfully detained before. I got wrongfully detained in 2020.

You saw that? I think. What happened? When I was on Ventura, I was running down Ventura and the cops came up, they had the guns on me and all of that. Running? Yeah. I was running.

From what? I was just exercising. Oh. Because I was gaining weight. Yeah. And when I gain weight, I don't gain weight like a normal person like you. You probably gain weight in your stomach or your face, your arms. I don't gain weight.

You don't gain weight at all. Well. I make sure I don't. Yeah. But if you ever did, you know, well it's not, if you ever gained weight hypothetically, you gained weight as a dude. I gained weight at your age. Yeah, oh really?

Yeah. So you had to- I was much less careful about what I eat. But you had like a gut or something? You know what I mean? I never had your age. Yeah, oh really? Okay. Yeah, I was much less careful about what I eat. But you had like a gut or something? I never had a gut. Okay. But I've been at my most probably almost 20 pounds heavier at one point.

So yeah, I get it. So you're porked up a little, you're running. And so they just- So you're porked up a little, you're running. So you porked up a little. So they just tackled you just because you were a black man running? I wasn't tackled. They had the guns on me. They told me to get on the ground. The first one did.

And then the other ones came up and I was on the ground. Now I got four cops with the guns on me. But is it because you look like somebody who they were looking for That's what they said But is this like a do police work? There's a guy jogging right? Exactly. It's it's and they just then invite all this Criticism about being racist and it's

Valid and it's valid. And it seems, yeah, it seems fitting now. Seems fitting because of what you just did. Oh, he's a, well you look like who we looking for, well, a black dude with a hoodie. And right, and that's the first step. Black guy with a hoodie? I would even start it.

Go a little further. Yeah. Say something about my lips or something. Yeah, hey. Get people who like, I mean, I'm sure there are many cops who are better at it and are, I've known good cops. Yes. Really smart cops who do this kind of work.

But I guess not enough. But I always think about when I was in Israel making religious and I had this thermos in my suitcase, which looks just like the bottom of a bomb, I realized. And they took me out of line, but the person who interviewed me was, Israel doesn't fuck around. That ain't the TSA over there. That's ex-army intelligence people. that really stood me was, you know, Israel doesn't fuck around.

That ain't the TSA over there. That's ex-army intelligence people. They are the... And this woman took me out, talked to me and my assistant, and in five minutes let us go because she used her mind. It wasn't just, you have somebody

that looks like a bomb, who are you? And she could tell, okay, we're not the people blowing up this plane. They are legitimately some comic from America as assistant making a movie and this is for serial. And you know, they just, she had a high IQ. We need more of that. Yes. Better ways to identify them.

He's black, we're looking for a black guy, but not this black guy, right? We have to be able to tell them apart Especially that guy day you look at me. God day is me like you could have said anybody what it looked like Eddie Murphy They look like Charlie Murphy look at him, you know, he looks like So he looks like did you register your unhappiness with this event at the time? I did, what?

I did at the time. I, you know, I talked about it with him. You know, to the cops, I mean. Oh man, I was pissed off, bro. I was really pissed, but. What did you say? I was like, yo, get these fucking cuffs off me, yo. Cause it was like, oh, we sorry, sir.

We sorry, sir. We, sir, we, you're not the guy. I was like, I know I'm not the guy. Trying to tell you that. You know what I mean? So here's where that white accent would come in handy. You're not the guy. Sorry about this.

It's totally ridiculous. I told you it was John Mulaney. That's all it is. That's all it was. And all it ever will be. What? Well, on behalf of all Caucasians, I apologize. I do. We feel terrible. No need to, man.

I know. I didn't do it. Yeah. If you ask me how high I got with Bill Maher, I would say I saw Jesus. It's crazy. Now, will you be able to perform your little skits tonight at the… My little skits, yes. …comedy store? Will you be able to perform your little skits tonight at the... My little skits, yes. Comedy store.

Will you be able to... I'll be fine. I'll be fine. Oh, I'm sure you will be. It's a 15-minute set, so it's like, you know, you do them, your homeboy, it's your, hey, yeah, who's come through? Plus, you're a star now. It's a comedy club. They're going to be very just happy to have you.

But I'm coming with the bars though, I ain't even lying so you know. Yeah, of course. Got out of bars. Got out of bars, man. Well, I guess I should let you go so you can get to your eight o'clock. Nah, man, I mean.

Yeah, or if you're good, you know, you can get me drinking and smoking and having a laugh, you know? Please, bro. I'm Irish, it's very hard to stop me. When can I ever say, when will I ever be able to say that I did this shit, man? Like this is. We can do it again.

You know, before we built the cameras into the walls here so we could do a show, this was always my party house. I don't live here. You think I live here? I live next door. I know. This is the place.

It always just had a great vibe. So I never stopped doing that. But you don't live in LA, do you? I do. Oh, you do? Yeah, I'm in the Valley. Oh, well then there's no problem. Next time there's a party here.

Because the older I get, I still have a good core of friends my age. But more and more, my friends are not my age. Because the kids my age don't wanna play anymore. They don't smoke pot anymore, or they have to be in bed by eight o'clock. I mean, people call me up and they say, you wanna have dinner?

I'd love to. How's six? Six? Six at night? Are you talking about? I can't live that way. So like people your age, I wind up gravitating to because you're still down for like

smoking this blunt until you get high. Yeah, which didn't take very long. You, this is, that's that Bill Maas strand. Well, I appreciate that. Nothing could really warm my heart more than you saying that, that I get that imprimatur from you. I'm serious. That, like, you fucked.

My pot did not disappoint you. It did not at all. When it came to my pot, a hero will rise. A hero with, yeah, that's. That's a quote from Dark Knight. You watched this shit? That's the quote. That's every fucking one of your movies.

It is always a hero will rise. I mean, and always just like how they became. Even when they make a remake, they're still making it like, I get it, how they became. That seems to be the only story that they want to hear. It doesn't get tiresome. Hey man, I don't know why I'm making you defend all of superhero movies, but I'm doing it. I'm going to make you defend all of superhero movies. know, Black Panther?

What about it? What is your impression? What is your review? No, no, no. Of course the second one, second one felt like it was missing Chadwick. But it was the second one? Yeah.

I'm kidding. Okay, okay. I'm kidding. So the first one, the first one I felt like, okay, everybody's celebrating, but what did, we're celebrating, but we still don't own any of this, you know what I mean?

Of Wakanda? No, no, no. It's not real, you know. No, I understand, no. I'm talking about the budget, man. Like we don't owe any of the... Whoa, whoa, wait a second. Eddie Murphy got an award a few months ago.

I can't remember what the organization was, but he made a speech, and in that speech... About paying your taxes? That one? No, no, no, no, no. Maybe that went viral, too, but this was well reported. He was getting some kind of lifetime achievement award, and he sure deserves all of them. And he said, when I started in the business,

like there was one black movie star, Sidney Poitier, and there was like two black people on TV, and there was no black cinematographers or directors, and he went through down the list, and he said, we got all that now. That's Eddie Murphy. Okay. I'm just saying, things have changed a lot.

No, I'm not talking about from an actor standpoint. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about from a standpoint of straight up ownership, kinda like Tyler Perry did. Tyler Perry. With taking it from the ground and now building and everybody having a piece of it. It's like, okay, yeah, that's over there.

That's at Marvel. Do you watch Tyler Perry movies? Seldom. I do. Really? I watch them sometimes just to, okay. Like, I'll give you an example. The recent ones that he's come out with man let me give on props to him because

To be able to go from zero to basically from zero to a hundred how he how we took everything He was a homeless man. He was always that really Tyler Perry was homeless Tyler Perry He he wrote these screenplays and then created this one character, Medea, that just went through the black community and caused an uproar. When I was 14 years old and I went down to Key West and I was hanging out with my cousins, they were playing that downstairs. They were watching. I had never seen it before. But it's like a cultural thing. And to be able to take that, elevate it, and now you're a billionaire.

Like we don't own any of the universal. We don't. Like we don't got any of that. You know what I mean? Tyler Perry has it, but God dang it, is there a way to put everybody in a position? Is there a way to do that? Now, I don't know.

Maybe it's something that's been proposed for years. But we keep saying time, Bill. But time is ticking. Time is wasting. And time is changing. Because there are Tyler Perry's, Jay-Z's, LeBron James. There's billionaires now. I mean, there's a bidding war now going on between two, not just two white billionaires,

but two white nipple baby billionaires. Oh, Lord, that means, oh, Paramount, billionaire nut. Paramount. That's crazy. Is on the block. Paramount, CBS and Paramount, same company. Yeah. Okay.

The bidding war is between the son of Larry Allison of Oracle, one of the richest men in the world, lives in San Francisco, his kid, and Edgar Bromfman, who was the scion of the Bromfman liquor family. They're Seagrams. They're from Canada. Oh, wow. I believe Montreal. Billionaires.

So, and I'm sure these are nice people, whatever, I'm not knocking them, they were born who they are, but there's two nepo baby white billionaires. What I'm saying is, yeah, that's still a lot of the world we live in. I just don't know how to, and it would be a better and more fair world if there was some black billionaire nepo baby to compete with them.

That will happen, but I don't know anything we can really do to make that happen like that. I mean, hey, I mean, Blue Ivy might be one of them or maybe one of them. Right, exactly. And that will hap-, is what I'm saying. But I don't know what we can actually, you can't just snap your fingers and make that happen, as a lot of the social justice warriors

would want you to believe that you can just somehow mandate that or legislate that. It would be a better world if we could. But it will just happen. And the thing is, it is happening. I mean, there is that. And economics is the one place, especially family wealth. It's like crazy.

How does that be addressed? Now, some people would say reparations, like make white people write a check that California has voted on this. Not for it yet, but like, I would not endorse that solution, but I understand the impetus for it. Yeah, you understand.

It's asking white people who are also economically right on the edge to write a check for people who they personally never did anything against. And a lot of people will say that. It's just not gonna happen. Well, yeah, and a lot of people will say that. A lot of people will say, all right, well, it wasn't us. We didn't do it, so why do you need it for? Well, it's like, I don't know, there's still trauma.

It's generational trauma. There's a lot. Totally. There's so much. That will not go away for hundreds of years. Right. The level of healing is always going to be commensurate to the level of injury.

If the level of injury happened over hundreds of years, the level of healing is not going to happen in a generation or two. No, but I'll tell you this. And I think it was a Dave Chappelle bit years ago, what he said. He said, nobody's going to be racist. Nobody's going to be racist when everybody is the same fucking color. You're good. And by God, that's real shit.

That's like Dave now, isn't it? Smoking Dave, he's Dave that will do four hours. He does four hours, do four hours on stage. That Dave. Do you ever go out with him and his traveling road show that, I mean, I know so many comics who say, not so many but some who say like you know I ran into Dave and said what are you doing Friday? It'd be great to see you. I'm doing a show there. Oh what are you doing? I don't know why aren't you open for me? You know like there's just this freewheeling aspect that I get about his cavalcade.

I opened up for Dave Chappelle for his first Netflix special. And if you look in the credits, it says the thanks, it says Jay Farrell. He let me open up for him. And that was a dope night because Stan Latham was there. Everybody, like people that, okay,

Def Comedy Jam was like, you know, as a kid, I'm watching that, I'm like, yo, this shit is crazy. Everybody's running, like, people running around slapping the lit. It's insane. But the jokes are so high, like, they're so high energy, you know? So you're sitting there watching the guy who take that, and you're out there and doing a good job. Like, I killed it. got a stand in ovation.

I get off stage, Dave's coming down the stairs. Jay Ferrell, how were they tonight? I said, dude, I got a stand in ovation. He said, word, word. Now I gotta throw out all these Jay Ferrell bomb jokes. I was gonna be out there, sorry, ladies and gentlemen. Sorry for that little stinker that came out. That's funny, that's really funny.

It's real though, man. Like so, yo, the fact that, yes, I have worked with Dave Chappelle. I have worked with Dave and, man, he's a sweetheart. He's a sweetest dude. Oh, that's good to know. Yeah, you've met him. Of course I've met him.

Yeah, you've met Dave Chappelle, yeah. Yeah, I can't get him here, which I would love to also. Please help. Oh, yeah. And I can't get him on real time. I'd love to have him on either or both. But I don't hold that against anybody. People have their own. I say none of people, too.

You know, we all do what we got to do, and we all were going where we're going. And just like we don't want to be stressed by any relationship, we all do what we gotta do, and we all are going where we're going, and just like we don't wanna be stressed by any relationship, we don't wanna be stressed by any professional relationship either. Sounds like, you know, Dave knows I would love to have him, but you know, he's got his own thing going on. And I'm an admirer, as I am, of anyone, I love anybody admirer, as I am, of anyone, I love anybody who says,

I will not let the mob tell me what I can or cannot say. I don't care how loud they're screaming at me. Absolutely. Kanye said it too. Yeah. When he came out for Trump, and he, like, I could not disagree more, of course, about the Trump thing, but I loved it when he said,

the mob can't make me not like him. We need so much more of that. The most. What the mob can't make you do. And those are the most unapologetic people, and those are the warriors. Like, yeah, because I'm ready to die. I'm ready to die about what I'm standing on,

and I don't care what anybody says. You're not gonna move me from that. I'm a pillar on this, and I'm a to die. I'm ready to die about what I'm standing on. And I don't care what anybody says. You're not gonna move me from that. I'm a pillar on this and I'm a stand order. And those type of folks, hell yeah. And David's man. Yeah, I mean, look, is he like, to my view, like way more obsessed with the trans thing than he needs to be?

But that's his thing. So what? Get over it. it's free speech. Plus, I get why, I think I get why that sticks in his craw. Because I think, and again, correct me, because you would know better than me, but I feel like if I was a black person, I would also be like peeved by all the minorities

who kind of glom on to the victim thing when they just don't have the same purchase on that. Like Indians and blacks, that's one category. And then everybody else, yeah, people have been mean to everybody, but it's just not like these other two things. And I feel like that's what pisses them off about trans or anything else that tries to, like, sort of, again, you know, leech off that level of victimhood.

You just don't have it. So stop, like, putting yourself in the same, up on the same shelf. Absolutely. My... Especially when, like you're saying, especially when it's like, you don't really do anything. You just sit there. You're part of the problem. You're not getting...

You understand what I'm saying? Who are you talking about now? Who's just sitting there What I'm saying those folks that feel like they're entitled to Reparations or whatever if you're sitting down like in your house, you're not doing anything You're collecting a check like do you like you don't do you deserve that? Where's you're not doing anything to try to get yourself out of the situation? You're not elevating You know, I mean you're staying right where you are, but you're just taking the pit,

you're taking the pity off. And you're pretty much already getting it in that standpoint because you're not doing anything, but you're living. So people are paying for you to live. You're not doing anything about it. You don't have to stay here. You can break through.

Anybody can. There's been so many stories in S3. Folks are due to all the time. Even if you look at Jay-Z, you look at 50 Cent, you look at all these guys who have broken, who have broken the ceiling on that. Those guys are from those places and they didn't let those,

they didn't let their surroundings kind of keep them down in it. Whereas the other folks, they let the surroundings just clamp them and then they're stuck. And before they know it, now they're still on, they're still on support at 84 years old or whatever. You're like, you're about to die your whole life. You didn't do anything. I love his line. I'm not a businessman. I'm a businessman. I'm a businessman.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yo, Bill, you ain't want me to do it, but you know, especially when you know you had a little bit of, you know, this right here, you know, when you had a little bit of that right there, that's when it gets deep right there. Yeah. And I wasn't, you know, again, I wasn't trying to like, you know, it's just like free flowing and natural, you know? Yeah. Because-

I love this song he ends when he goes, it's only entertainment. You know that song, stupid shit or something. I forgot that something was shit in the title. No, it can't be. whoa, ape shit, ape shit. Was it ape shit? No, something, it's like everybody's stupid shit when it's full of stupid shit. That point, man, when you do people, it's just so right on.

What a great trick to have in your back pocket. Because you don't need it, because you can just talk also. And I see that you're sort of entering this phase of your career, perfect time, to like, yeah, be more like this is me. This is the real me. But it's great to always have that thing in your pocket.

Well, I think about it like this. Your talent somehow has made somebody happy, it's made somebody laugh, whatever. People that come up to you, they're fans of you, whatever. They quote your stuff, whatever. Mine started with just doing impressions. Hey, I could do standup in certain environments, but if I didn't know the environment, I couldn't do it as well as I wanted to. Just because I got to be able to study.

I got to be able to study where the hell I'm headed. You know what I mean? I'm like a lion. I'm over there studying trying to... I used to do stand up at school. I do stand up at my church. Boom. Kill there.

Go out. I was a sheltered kid for Solor. Apostolic family. Apostolic? Apostolic family from the age of what, six to... So that's some sort of super Christy? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. It's a... Bet you got over it? Oh yeah, absolutely.

Oh good. I had to. Oh man. Oh, did I break out? Oh boy. Thank you, Jesus. Oh, good. I had to, oh man. Oh, did I break out? Ooh, boy. Thank you, Jesus. Listen.

Nothing happened. Nothing happened bad to me, but whatever. Things happen in the church. That's how they are, whatever. But coming from that, coming from that and finally breaking out and getting a chance to live, it was total, oh my God, dude, it was, oh man, Bill. Well it seems like you're living your best life.

You gotta be on stage in 20 minutes, I'm gonna release you back into the wild, but I would say we're all night. You're a pleasure. Absolutely, man. You too, brother. Club. Random. Only the first time, right?

Yes, sir. OK. I'll see you back here. Cameras are no cameras. Absolutely. Club. Random.