Club Random with Bill Maher - John McEnroe | Club Random with Bill Maher
Episode Date: June 27, 2022Bill Maher and John McEnroe randomly riff on how Bill would go “John McEnroe” on bad comedy audiences in the early days, what happened to the one good linesman in tennis, what percentage of cops a...re good, where John once ranked on the “most hated man in the world” list, comparing Donald Trump to a certain dictator, getting real about Joe Biden and what John texted to Novic Jokovich about his decision at the Australian Open.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Can I make you a drink?
Sure, what do you have?
Well, here's a bowl of ice, so that's a story.
All right.
I have tequila.
I don't allow myself much liquor anymore, do you?
What do you allow yourself?
You know, I'm the corona pandemic thing.
I think I increased slight intake, not decrease, so.
But from what to what?
You know, just a little more of all of it.
But like, how many drinks would you say
you average a week?
A week?
Is this going to be your...
It's just going to be on anything?
No, I'm sorry.
This is an intervention.
How many say, yeah, 15 to 20?
A couple a day, a couple beers?
Yeah.
Casional, you know, tequila, I love tequila.
Yeah, just...
Okay, is it, did I pour tequila in there?
Was that tequila?
Yeah, I think you poured it.
Would you, you want to try it with the, this one?
No, no, I like it straight.
Straight.
With a little lime, but, you know,
beggars can't be choosers.
You want a lime?
I don't need it, I mean, I can get what,
I can get by without.
Maybe we'll get one later.
But, well, 15 to 20 a week.
Now, I used to have, I would say, 30 a week
when I was in my 30s and 40s, right?
Then around 50, I was like, no.
And I think I cut it down to like seven.
One a day.
Yes.
Well, cheers.
It's not one day for you, man.
But, but you don't have anything.
Oh, I will.
Okay.
Well, I'll wait.
And now I'm like three drinks a week.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's impressive. I don't want to look like Ted Kennedy. Well,
neither do I. Now, you don't. Okay. Obviously handling it. Well, I work out a lot still, you
know. I work out your face. Oh, no, I work out inside. I think it helps the face. No,
your face looks great. Thank you. I mean, tell me more. Tell me this is not going to go
in the direction you think we're going to get to know each
other as friends and that's it.
No, because we're Irish.
That's correct.
So Irish is not good for aging.
And I've been out in the sun all my career.
Right.
So that didn't help.
But luckily I grew up in New York so I was in door six months a year.
If I was Mike Douglas I'd say, someone told me you played tennis.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I remember I had to do that on talk shows.
Oh, everything was like, somebody told me.
Johnny Carson was like, someone told me
that you have a train set that's like, no,
the producer told me.
Yeah.
I guess they still do it, right?
On talk shows.
I, the first time I came to LA LA they took me to the Mike Douglas show
He had he had tell what he had cow he had that was a guy that started Mel Tillus
Oh, and he got like this, you know, cozy
Just totally got the guy was so tight. He couldn't get a word out. Wait, was Mike Douglas had Mel Tillis on?
Yeah, as a guest.
He's saying great, but he couldn't talk.
And you were in the audience.
I was in the audience.
And I felt sort of embarrassed for poor Mel Tillis
that this guy felt the need to do this to.
Do you think that there is a direct correlation
between that moment and you being such a hothead intentist?
Mm-hmm.
That you never really recover from that.
From that.
But what did it like to blame that?
Did it actually make an impression on you?
The Mike Douglas show at that age.
It didn't make much of an impression other than that.
I didn't think the talk show hosts would treat the guest that way.
Well, you got another question. Which I got used to it. Why. Well, you got a nutmeg.
Which I got used to it.
Boy, did you come to the rock show?
Oh.
And how old were you at the time?
I was 17.
Oh, okay.
17, my first ship actually.
Well, like when you grew up on Long Island, right?
Right.
When you grew up in New Jersey.
Yeah.
A queen.
Douglas and Queens, which is Long Island?
Well, let's not get excited.
No.
But I mean, Douglas is Queens.
It's not Long Island.
But it's, you know, it was actually a fairly nice neighborhood.
Okay.
I'm not attacking your dream.
I wish it was Queens.
I'm not attacking your neighborhood.
But I always thought it wasn't Queens.
It is in Queens.
What?
It's like thing Beverly Hills and Jason.
No one gives a fuck.
Exactly.
So we'll just drop it there.
No one cares.
Whatever it is.
I hear it in your voice.
And you probably hear New Jersey in mine.
Well, because I see your show.
So I know you're from New Jersey.
You mentioned that.
Right.
But, you know, I feel like guys like us from that New York area, but not like in Manhattan.
We were in the outer ring, sort of looking in.
It's a little the plot of members Saturday Night Fever.
Of course, that was your big first year, right, like 77.
77, yeah, so you and John Dervolter were, well, let's not talk about where you and John Travolta were
doing.
We went in different directions.
Nothing together.
I know.
I'm not sure.
You can do whatever you want.
But something tells me we went in different directions.
That was the era.
And that's what that movie was about.
Was he was from Brooklyn.
And he felt kind of also the Trump story,
people from the outer burrows, who feel like,
fuck those Manhattan snob fucks, right?
And they just have this hole in their heart
to get them and to better them and show them that,
oh, just because I'm from Queens or New Jersey or Brooklyn,
I'm not less than you.
And I think that's Trump.
What we are known as the bridge and tunnel crowd.
Exactly.
You know, so that was a bit of an outsider.
But I did my father grew up in Manhattan,
and I went to high school in Manhattan,
so I had a little bit of it.
So, and it was always a goal to get to Manhattan.
That's what we live in Manhattan.
That's what Vinnie Testerona, or whatever his character was.
Yeah.
Vinnie, I'm, well, Tom Arena.
No, that was welcome back home.
I think, I love that.
He had a range from A to B back then.
I mean, it was big right then.
That was huge.
But I think in the Bob Hope sketch of, sorry, tonight's fever, he called him Tony Revolta.
That's not as bad as what he called whoever it was on the Oscars.
I can't remember.
Bob Hope?
No, Travolta introduced.
Oh, yes.
Arena Medina.
Arena Medina.
He's out there. Yeah. He fucked that up really. Yeah, can you imagine introduced. Oh, yes. Arena Medina. Arena Medina.
He fucked that up really.
Yeah, can you mention?
I mean, well.
Doesn't rank up there with the Will Smith thing,
but it's, you know, it was embarrassing.
He said a whole new standard, Will Smith.
So, yeah, so we are borough people.
Yeah, we're borough people, but...
And I never went to Brooklyn because you didn't want to get,
you know, where are where you from queen watch out
I it's crazy how that is it like turf horse in a way. Yeah, right honey. No
Patty here. Patty's here. Yeah. Yeah, I thought I heard
She was spending more of a time in Brooklyn. It wasn't that amazing that I knew her
She was spent a lot more of a time in Brooklyn. Wasn't that amazing that I knew her not been lately?
Exactly how were you doing?
Tell me about before, because she always says
like she's in the lot because I don't want to know.
Forget it, don't know.
No, because I started at this club in New York.
Catch it right away.
Catch it right away.
They're all the time.
Yeah, I see.
Really?
Yeah, I saw that.
Was that where you met her?
No, no, we didn't mean until 90
River see oh, I never saw her there. I saw her, you know early on and I saw every night
You saw a lot a lot because she was one of the singers. Yeah, and I was the MC
I saw Pat Benner's are there and yeah, I've been a job also. I saw her. I saw a sign fell
They saw Larry David. He was you know get he get pissed at everyone because they get his jokes
Well, he would he would literally walk off like if someone coughed
Yeah, he was very temperamental. Yes, and I was not that much better. I
Didn't you were better though. I was because I didn't walk off which is actually worse because I stayed there
I was quite a bit cut. Because I didn't walk off, which is actually worse,
because I stayed there and played everyone's miserable
for 20 minutes, including me.
I mean, I had some very rough early times
because if it wasn't going well,
I would do the one thing you are not supposed to do
and shouldn't do.
Get listed to the audience?
Yes.
And I would yell, you know, what's your catchphrase?
Yeah, you can't be serious.
Exactly.
You don't get my joke.
You cannot be serious.
Right.
That's what really I was saying was the same thing.
It's like, how can you not get what I'm doing?
Right.
That's how Larry was and you
Yeah, that's true, too. That what you were I did relate to comedians a lot because you know you lay it on the line up there
You know where and I'm out there by myself and
You can tank and blow it and it sucks, you know, but let me ask you this
me every time you
Argued like that not every time you're gonna say I played better, right?
No, no, no.
Oh, okay.
What do we marry?
Let me finish the question now.
So every time you argued, right?
That vehemently like that.
It's because you really, it wasn't,
you weren't faking it.
And in other words, you really believed
that shot was, you were right about where that shot was.
Like if the guy said it was out,
you were like, my vision is better.
Exactly.
In other words, you didn't fake it.
You didn't like, you knew it was out,
but I'm gonna throw this tantal.
You really believe, you're right.
And that's the same thing with me with jokes.
It's like, I'm mad at you because that is a good joke.
You fucking missed it.
I didn't miss it.
That was funny.
It worked on the eight o'clock crowd.
So I know I have evidence.
That's pretty much it.
I mean, it was me or some 68 year old.
Oh God, now I'm getting closer to that.
But at that time, you know, seven year old lines, man,
I was thinking, I think I can see better than you.
When they're half asleep.
I'm sure Ted Williams had the great eyes.
The great eyes.
And I'm sure Ted Williams many times was like,
okay, I know you're just a guy doing your job,
but I am the greatest hitter ever.
I can read the label on the ball.
I'm just telling you you're wrong, but okay.
I wasn't quite that nice about it.
I was initially, it took a while.
I tried to be like these NBA rats.
Talk to me and don't look, give me some give me some, look, you know, I ask them a question.
10 seconds, you know.
I mean, talk to me, you know, man to man here,
let's, you know, treat me the right way.
Unfortunately, the one guy that did do that
was thrown out of the game.
The one referee that actually talked to us
and talked to us by a first name basis.
What do you mean there was one good one?
There was one good one.
You know, and he got railroaded out.
Good because he never missed a call.
No, good because he, you know, he go like,
John, listen, you're going too far.
I'm not gonna give you this one.
So he talked to you like a human.
You know, he'd be like the next time
I got a call, you know?
Right. And that's what they do.
That's like, okay, that's all I can ask for.
If I do it, then, then it's my fault.
He was like the cop,
who instead of just being a asshole
by the rules, was like, look buddy.
I could take you in now, but I could see,
or there was a lot, and I'm gonna treat you like a human.
I mean, when cops did that more, it goes a long way
with the public, and there's this riff now with cops
that I was saying, maybe I might show last
week, like ever since the riots two years ago, the George Floyd protests, some of them
were got into rioty stuff, looting and stuff, and a lot of hostility toward the cops.
That they, you know, they have this kind of, you've heard of the blue flu.
No.
That means like, oh, you mean they wouldn't show up for work.
Yeah.
When you piss them off, their way of dealing with it is like,
oh, see how you like it without us.
Exactly.
And they've kind of had a long blue flu since then.
And, you know, that's one reason crime is so up, you know.
And-
Well, the other reason is because of the way we think, And, you know, it's one reason crime is so up, you know. And-
Well, the other reason is because of the way we think we've been a Democrats, I hate to
say it, have screwed this whole thing up.
Like, yeah.
Well, I mean, it's embarrassing.
I mean, there's a lot of blame to go around.
I mean, certainly the cops didn't need a correction.
And still-
That's true.
But, you know, it can get to a point where it's also, they retard
all of them with one big brush. There was just a lot of sort of like blanket collective
guilt and you know lots of cops are not evil.
90, 95% are good. You know, and five, ten percent aren't.
I don't know what-
That's a great percentage.
I know it's 90.
Well, we don't know-
We don't know that-
We don't know that percentage.
That you just pull that percentage.
I'm throwing it out.
Yeah, you're a smart person.
And being a pulling it out of your ass is where you get it.
I mean, I don't have any-
These are-
This is a rectum derived statistic.
We don't know exactly how many.
There's an awful lot of videos of cops doing horrible things.
So, I mean, you could say, I don't know. And many. There's an awful lot of videos of cops doing horrible things.
So, I mean, you could say, I don't know.
And not just to black people, although,
pristarically, way more.
So, we understood why there was all this pent-up,
protesting and stuff.
But to take it to the extreme they did then,
they subcured.
And also, at some point, I think
somebody needs to right now go to the cops
with a brute mask hit or a bun cake or some sort of covered dish and just say, look, we got a little over
our skis.
We still appreciate it.
Yes, because we just get it.
We work this out.
Right, can we just work this out?
Yeah.
And we will make an effort also to be accurate about exactly, I mean, we know exactly the FBI, you know,
is it completely correct statistics?
No, but I kind of think it's somewhere in the bullpuck.
We know how many people are killed
and of what races and stuff like that.
And I think most people, if you ask them,
would have a very exaggerated view
of what those numbers are.
Yeah.
I mean, they're not great.
I'd be like it if they killed nobody.
Of course.
But they kill about 1,000 people a year in a country
of 330 million with a lot of nuts and a lot of guns.
I mean, some of those 1,000, you know, they got to,
what else were they going to do?
That mean there's a lot of split second decisions
that I'm glad I wouldn't have to make.
I mean, I'm glad one of them killed the kid in Texas, you know, But what if you could
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wherever you get your shows. You can never predict where life goes and what the thing is.
Because back in your day when you were screaming, you couldn't have predicted that it would
turn out to be such a good thing.
Like you have a show now, the very funny, Mindy Kaling thing.
Yeah, that's true.
You know, like who would have thought?
Who would have thought I had a talk show at one point,
or a briefly.
Right.
Well, when I was 21, there was something,
and I think it was a Miami Herald,
the most hated men in the history of the world.
And they had Hitler won until the
hunt to John Macrono III and Jack the Ripper IV you know I don't like
wait I think we're hopefully they're exaggerating they were making a joke but
I don't know if they were and not that funny they took you know they asked
a thousand people oh and there's a you know well plus or minus five percent
you know the last I could have minus 5%. You know, the last
I could have dropped to 8 maybe if people thought about it. The last type of human you ever
want to trust are people. But, you know, you know, you know, more about humor than I do.
Well, listen, hey, you're lucky. I've also been hated. But, you know, it's a terrible feeling.
I agree. But, you know, you're, you're lucky in a way, because it seems like you're peaking in a way.
Do you think that you feel like you're better than, because to me, you're like better than
ever?
Thank you.
Finish your thought.
Yeah, I'm gonna.
If you look, I appreciate it.
No, seriously, because we don't have that option in sports, you know.
Right.
No, that's not at all.
We're like, you know, we just try to delay the inevitable with some people do better.
But in others, obviously, like, radio, or frat or some of these other things. No, you know, we just try to delay the inevitable with some people do better than others, obviously,
like, radio, fratter, or some of these other things.
No, Yuga, in your 20s, you must feel like a hot chick.
I picked a 25.
Like, six.
I have this amazing superpower,
but I know it's going to go away.
There is no way around that.
Yeah.
And that's not the best feeling.
I've seen, I knew, you know, this is back in the
day when I was out and about and stuff, but I knew women who like, you know, I've been
one I'm particular, I remember, just a friend, you know, like there's always that
hot trip. You don't have any women in a friend's studio? All the women I know are friends.
Everything has to start with friendship in my view. But I remember, and there's always that one hot chick,
but you're not hot for it for some reason.
And it's great, because then you...
And they're attracted to that one person out of a hundred
that's not attracted to that.
Well, allegedly.
It just, I don't know, but I remember that she used
to be able to, this is like the improv. Like she used to be able to like, like, this is like the improv.
Like she would just be able to like keep like three guys interested in the room at the
same time.
She'd like to go over and give like two minutes of completely undivided attention to the
guy would be like, and she'd go to this other guy and do that.
It was like the guy in Sullivan who was spitting the plates, you know.
She would spin this plate and you're like, that's part for the course.
Well, I mean, that's a, that's a kind of a superpower. I couldn't do that. But I remember at a certain point,
that power was fading. I remember watching her try to do that on a guy. I guess she had
gotten a little older and met her shallow. It was know, hey, my magic right isn't working, what the fuck is wrong with this thing?
I shine this on you and you do what I say and that was on the blink.
And it's a little like that with an athlete, you know, you know,
from early on that, yeah, it's gonna go away soon.
Way too soon.
You know, at least I guess try to look at the bright side now.
At least you have these moments where you're like, okay, this is what I thought I could
do.
But also it got you to, yes, it's shorter lived, but you got to like a kind of ultimate pinnacle that most people in any branch of show business,
mine or sports, which is show business kind of entertainment, do not get to, you know.
I mean, winning grand slam.
Right.
And also just being like world famous, like household name famous, you know, you don't need more than 10 years of that, right?
I suppose. Or I guess you'd be lucky if 10's lucky and then you
tried whatever it is. You know, I mean, it was my life
completely changed at 18. You know, all the sun where people were like,
you the Brackdive man. Right. You know, they used to call me super
brack. So that wasn't the best, the best nickname
that I wasn't terribly fond of. But the English have a way of coming up with those names.
You're sticking it up your rear end. I doubt if it deterred one girl who was crazy for
you that nickname. I don't think if any, I'm sure you had a lot of women who were on your jock being a famous
young athlete who had this pair of balls on him.
That's very attractive to women.
Women love assholes.
We all know that.
I didn't think that was an asshole at all.
No, but honestly.
Well, I say the same thing but people called me that it's like we're not assholes
We're just honest, you know, and we don't like sort of bend the knee and
People call that an asshole, but yes
You act a certain way there doesn't mean you're the same way off the court
So I thought I was extremely sensitive, which I do believe I'm actually
Yeah, everybody's sensitive maybe not a sensitive I used to be but I was extremely sensitive, which I do believe I am actually. Yeah, everybody's sensitive.
Maybe you're not a sensitive, I used to be,
but I'm still sensitive.
Everybody's screaming inside.
You just let it out.
You were just honest about it.
You think everybody was lucky enough to fall into something
that I didn't think I'd fall into
where it actually for a fair amount of time worked.
Don't you think everybody in every office is thinking?
They wish they could do without screaming in their head.
You dick, I'm right about this.
Absolutely.
You just did it.
Yeah.
And that's why you have a cartoon now.
Because it's a very attractive thing.
Everybody wishes they could.
I mean, I gave it my best shot.
I gotta look at the bright side.
No, that's what.
You won.
You won it for the game of life, John.
You know, the game of life, you know.
You live and learn.
Oh, I mean, I always say life is the kind of sport
where no one wins 11 to 2.
If you win it all, you're lucky.
That's a lot of people do not win it to get in
life. But, you know, if you win 8 to 5, that's fantastic. But there's going to be lots
of sadness and heartbreak to what? No, right? You try to minimize that. Yeah, of course.
Right, but I'm saying, you don't win 11 to two unless you're Rod Stewart. I feel like he, I mean, he's completely skating.
Well, there's some other people like, he's an amazing talent, but that itself is very lucky.
Yeah, you know, he's just, he's weathered the storm.
He's still going.
No, I'm kidding.
He's unbelievable.
Yeah, no, yes, 75.
I mean, you know, Mick Jagger's 80 and Keith Richards, McCartney they're going they're selling out stadiums God bless them
You know I look at that. I'm like man
I'm not gonna like if we have a couple hundred people beats
Pathetic enough to watch me play tennis at this point
John that yes, I played the like the old guys sort of was close 60. And to your original point, well, at least some time ago,
like I, it's almost the opposite, you're right,
I am kind of peaking, there are some rare,
you're peaking right now.
Because like what I do is like almost not apropos
for somebody even 40.
I mean, I'm sure if I look back at what I was doing in 1996
on politically incorrect, there's a sign behind you.
I'd probably cringe, and some things I'd think I'd be
maybe surprisingly belighted by, and other things
I'd be like, oh fuck, did I really think that?
Did I really say that?
Well, you know, I know that there was moments of douchey.
So it's, I like being this age because what I'm kind of selling, like wisdom, that's
one of the few things you can do better at adjuice.
Yeah.
One of the few things.
I mean, but hitting those smashes.
No. That does not work. No. No. One of the few things, but hitting those smashes.
No, that does not work.
But I still have a tennis academy,
so I like to try to put because these kids think
they know everything, they don't know a damn thing.
So I'd like to be able to teach them a little
on the court.
Also, look, life has chapters, right?
And that's true, not just athletes
when the career ends, that's everybody.
Like, I look back just like 10 years.
My life was very different in a lot of ways.
Just the drinking we were talking about.
If you go back like 15 years.
How do you smoke more marijuana?
Or do you smoke less?
I smoke just the right amount.
Yeah, that's good.
Well, I'm getting a little concerned about your marijuana
intake now.
Why?
Well, I'm just, so, you know, I thought maybe.
The bothers you?
No, I was hoping maybe, because my,
I have such concern about it, I thought maybe you could,
you know, I'll take one hit of that.
So, I'm sorry.
That's possible.
No, no, because I don't want you to, you know,
get two spas there. I'm gonna be a, that's possibly no no because I don't want you to you know get to
Buzz the I'm gonna be okay. That's that's the problem Oh, it's very awful. That's the problem with getting stones is that you forget to get more
I'll try to I'll try to taste the first time ever everybody. I'm never trying these are closed cigarettes
I've told them many times on this show these are closed cigarettes and a, I don't know what they're putting in these clothes. These clothes are,
yeah, they're pretty interesting. I don't know. I guess when I went to see
Led Zeppelin in 74. You Led Zeppelin, now how old were you in 74? 15. 15 and you got to go to a Led
Zeppelin concert? Maybe 73 or 4, it's one of my first shows ever.
Now, were your parents the type who brought you into
see a Broadway show a few times a year?
Never.
I knew you, I knew that was the answer,
but I never went to a museum,
never went to a art gallery.
Sports.
Really?
I love sports.
So you're saying your parents were Philistines?
They were not culture of vultures. I'm sports. So you're saying your parents were Philistines? They did not. They were not culture
of cultures. I'm not going to say that, you know. I throw them under the bus and they're no longer here.
I just did that in my documentary. Oh right. No, I don't want to do that. No, don't do that.
They were. No, they were good. They were good parents, you know. But so they and they were okay with
lending you about as he led Zeppelin. As Led Zeppelin. They scared me into not doing, you know, I really didn't ever even try drugs of any kind until I went to college,
I went to Stanford for a year.
And that's when I first got introduced to the thing that you're having your hand.
Clothes?
A cloth, yeah.
They're very strong up there in Northern Cal at that time.
I think that's where they grow them.
That's where they use the wrong.
I think it has something to do with organic farming.
That's why the clothes are so different than they used to be.
Because I remember, oh, back in the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s end today.
It seemed like it was weaker.
Oh, yeah.
But now the clothes.
I wouldn't know anything about it. I wouldn't need it. I But now the clubs. I wouldn't know anything about that.
I wouldn't need them.
I wouldn't need them.
Don't you love this room?
It's beautiful.
Isn't this a great place?
I'm over here on a double.
Can you invite me another time?
Oh, you're incredible.
We're going to have a party next month
for all the former guests of Club Random.
Oh, really?
You can mingle with Mike Tyson.
Mike Tyson and William Schatner. Oh, really? You can mingle with Tyson. Mike Tyson.
Mike Tyson.
And William Schat.
Oh, my God.
Oh, look at this group.
Freddie Gibbs.
Oh, there's just lots of some of the TikTok kids
who'll be here.
I'm not a TikTok guy.
I'm not a TikTok guy.
You know, I'm not a social media at all.
No, I'm not.
I'm not.
I've made it this far.
I'm a little.
And I managed to keep, you know, I did at one stage,
not very successfully, dye my hair a little bit, I was just far out. And I managed to keep, you know, I did at one stage,
not very successfully,
dye my hair a little bit,
and make it a little specks of a little black in there.
And then I was like, at what,
I had a friend who recommended this hair guy,
and it's supposed to be the best in the world, right?
So I go, okay, I was going to do the French health
and the guy comes, I go, look,
I just wanted to do a little tiny bit
You know, I got it go. I've old wheeled it just by our forty seven forty seven, you know something like that
Okay, it's like 15 10 15 years ago, right?
And then all the sun
They put the thing I come I look like gorgeous George the wrestler, you know all the time my hair's totally blonde
I go no, I don't think so. Oh. This is, this is absolutely not what I wanted.
And then I go, just thanks anyway, I'll pay you,
but just take it out.
I can't take it out.
It takes a couple of weeks, I could watch.
Which by the way, if you get a picture of that year
when I played the French Open, seniors doubles,
it would be, it's really sad.
So then, I was like, fuck it, I'm not.
So you had to wear that hair. I had to wear that hair. I put, you know, I tried to buy something
at the local store to get some gray, it was horrible. So obvious. And so then I was like,
forget, I'm never doing it again. And I heard you mention that, you know, I'm dying my hair
because that's not mum and TV. So I'm a little bit like, well, I get it, I totally get it.
But then I'm trying to hang in there and I know that's probably why I'm not getting certain things.
Because he looks old now, Mack looks old and I'm like, I'm young and hard, I got energy.
Yes.
You bring energy to something.
And by the way, that is what matters.
But you should know.
I think that's what matters.
But you should also die here.
No, Sarah. No, I'll tell you why.
Because like plastic surgeries differ.
First of all, they have not perfected it.
The main reason not to do it is it doesn't work.
Now you just look old.
Had to say I was going to do plastic surgery.
No, I'm just going to go up in the sunset.
I know.
And the sunset, then, man.
That was just my preamble.
OK, go ahead.
It was just my preamble. Okay, go ahead. It was just my preamble.
All right.
Okay, so that, to me, because under the broad topic
of what we will do to stay relevant,
should I be on social media also?
No. No. No. In addition to that on my hand.
No. No. No.
Are you on it?
Yes, breathe. I am, and you're peaking.
I'm, you know, I'm not, no, no. I'm in your peaking. No, I'm not.
No, no, no.
No, I'm sweet.
I heard not that much.
Of course.
Not that much, but enough to not be a complete bloodite.
I'm up here to have my house, and I'm having scrambled eggs. No, I never, I never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, I've never, never, I've, I've never, I've never, never, I've never, I've never, I've, never, I'm here with you. I'm back in the oldies here, son. A little bit of tequila.
It's great club, random, you know,
watching on Apple Plus and whatever it's on.
I don't know if you know always.
Like it, everything, as there is nothing more pathetic
in that fucking generation than begging for people
to like you.
Or buying it.
Oh, is that worse?
Buying the likes, because you should be able to do that.
You still can, I think, right?
On Twitter, that's what's his name.
I have Elon Musk is complaining about.
Because five or 10% of it's made up.
I have more respect for buying likes than begging for them.
But the people who are like,
like this thing I didn't like it.
Please like it.
Please like it.
It's like, John, the drink I made you was a good.
Like it.
Please like it.
Please like it.
What about it?
No, it's pretty good though.
It's, you know, simple.
What about the cigarette?
Is it okay?
The clove is, it's, I'm starting to digest it in a way
that is allowing me to feel a little bit looser.
And I don't have, you know, I appreciate your advice.
It is sad that like, because ESPN,
which I work for at the big term,
it'd be nice to maybe sometimes promote some of the tennis.
Remember that?
Right.
Instead of like the football, you know, the camps of the tennis. Remember that? Right. Instead of like the football,
you know, the camps of the non,
the voluntary camps,
four months before this, who the,
I mean, no offense.
No, I don't care.
Is it about four months before?
I'm wearing the French open final,
where Nidaz went in the fucking tournament
for the 14th time for God's sakes.
And these people weren't even, you even, yeah, yeah, thank you.
Appreciate it.
Die your hair.
Maybe that's what it is.
Die your hair.
It all worked out.
Now say your catchphrase.
Right.
Right.
I can be serious.
I wanted to be serious, but then I realized
you get close to politics, which is why I can enjoy
your show from afar and sort of like thank God you're going,
you're showing how spiffetic both sides are,
which I appreciate, you know, before.
Yes.
In the old days, you would, you know, and I do not
and the show I had, shit on bush and the worst present.
Well, because in the old days, the Democrats
were a lot more sane.
It's they who have, well, they both changed.
They both got worse.
It's true. We're really not in a good place.
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Your first marriage? My first marriage was a difficult divorce.
The divorce is the worst part of the whole thing to me.
But I must tell you, I hadn't thought about this in forever,
but between the cigarette and like,
I'm remembering now when you were with Tatum.
And I remember thinking, I, that's the thinking, that's probably a little bit too explosive.
I remember thinking it's like,
wow, the worth of shot, maybe.
I wish I had seen Patty earlier.
Oh, I wish you had seen.
Yeah, I saw her.
She was with what?
She didn't come up this one time.
I was at saw her. I was another time I'm not gonna get into it
But you know better late than never
Well, I mean who knows what would happen if we met in 84 which is I met Tatum. I mean
To say that everybody at catcher Isaac star was drooling over her would be an understatement
And then so when she got with you everybody was like, okay, that makes sense that's a rising star was drooling over her, would be an understatement.
And then so when she got with you,
everybody was like, okay, that makes sense.
She was gonna get somebody great and did, and you did too.
Exactly.
And that was a long time ago.
And that was a long time ago.
I mean, 28 years and sometimes.
That's, wow, that's impressive.
I mean, that's considering the way that the family came together and the difficulty of mixing
family.
Patty had one with Richard Hell of the avoid-oids, one to really, I had three with Tatum.
Then when I got with Patty, I was like, look, we've got to have another kid.
We got to, it's this in the Brady bunch here.
The Brady bunch is, you know, he was gay and I don't know about her.
It was gay?
Not in the show. not in the office show.
But they had three boys and three girls, right?
And so they didn't have any together.
So I'm like, we gotta have something we gotta have a kid together.
It's so funny.
If they redid the Brady Bunch today, they would actually make him gay.
Because you can't do a show without everybody represented.
You couldn't do the Brady Bunch today. You couldn't do the Brady buns today.
You didn't.
Didn't you say that about, I thought I saw something
where you said the gay parade,
everyone was there but a gay guy.
Right.
That's what the gay party said.
You said so I did.
No, so then they'd win me.
Yes, if this would happen again.
I mean, they would not have it, they'd have a macho guy.
The opposite.
Right, you know.
And look, we're we all we're liberals
We celebrate diversity always have
But I just want to make thing but with something totally clear. I don't want to pay taxes either
If I could avoid it on the idiot that lives in New York City bill what about which taxes? How do we get into tax big?
Why don't you you were
Taxes I said diversity. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I thought you were talking about it Yeah, somehow I felt like you know, not because you're the liberal
Senator the liberal I just wanted to stay I always say liberals were more taxes tax until I see that's what I'm saying
I'm sorry. I interrupt. No, no, no, I get it now you're just you're you're
I'm sorry, I didn't know. No, no, no, I get it now.
You're just, you're learning to voice your segues.
I mean, I'm telling you, it's like you're communicating.
You know, I've washed it up to meeting and sound like,
okay, these guys are how to transition.
You were telling it to your own mind,
but now I know it too.
I'm just trying to see if you're paying attention.
I am.
Because most people, you know,
it's all right if you don't,
just 99% of you don't.
99% of them don't anyway.
That's the same acting thing anyway.
That is a good way to be.
I like being tested.
You could be like, remember, Kato used to attack Peter.
I'm not that, I don't remember that well.
No, you don't remember the pink Panther.
I mean, yes, the better.
But it's not your clue, so I remember that. Okay, so he had, he had, you remember the Pink Panther. I mean, yes, the better. But it's not your clue, sir.
Yeah, I remember that.
OK, so he had seen, he had, it was in every movie.
They had made, like, eight of them.
Yeah.
Kato was his man servant.
And he would ask him to attack him by surprise, to keep him.
To keep him sharp, exactly.
So Kluso would just be about to get the girl in bed
And you could do that to me you could be like Kato you could like attack me
I mean, test me. I think you're sure.
That's great.
I mean, I'm not looking at that.
And I can't.
No, in the bar, Cato.
But not to attack.
I can't attack if you want to.
No, no, no, no.
I mean, Cato attacks.
You test.
And you should test, because that's
how people get to know each other.
You just depends, you know, it's a level of.
That's why it's not a superficial conversation.
Let's certainly hope not.
Yeah.
Yeah. No, but, you know, I feel like superficial conversation. All right, let's certainly hope not.
No, but you know, I feel like a friendship grows so strongly, strongly. What am I, Trump?
So, very strongly, you know,
what is it? You can you believe this?
I don't even know what to start.
No, they're just when you said Trump,
it's just incredible.
No, I know the guy.
I didn't know him well.
I mean, I'm in a man of 50 times.
Everybody met him.
Everyone met him.
I remember going,
He was nice when you met him, right?
He would say a very nice thing.
Right.
He's like, John, you're the greatest.
Exactly. I tell you're the greatest. Exactly.
I tell you about my new ability.
Exactly.
And I was like, this guy, this is him in a penny,
a year before he decided to run,
we're out of Ranger Games,
somehow we're sitting together
and they go, ladies and gentlemen,
John Wimbledon, champion, John McIron.
I'm hoping, you know, people back in the fallon
New York, you still think I'm a good guy in clap, okay?
Next, Donald Trump, real estate developer
and the host of their premise.
Everyone booed, 15,000, I'm not kidding,
that's 17,000.
He sat down next to me and he said,
they still love me, John.
And I said, this guy could be a politician.
He could be, I didn't realize until then, and then Brexit happened.
I always thought you knew.
I always thought you knew.
Think of the, you agree with this, right?
How many years is the United States been 250, 60 years?
Yes, about.
Has anything in the 260 year history of our country
been more unlikely than Trump winning?
No, he pulled it inside straight.
He pulled the greatest.
Yes, everything.
That alone, you have to, you got to respect that someone somehow did that.
Right.
How in the world did he, he never ran for anything.
Well, also, that doesn't matter.
They like, they like, they like, they like, they like that.
He ran for president.
He was a last time, you know, the guy that's never run for anything runs for president.
And wins.
Well, today's audience, and by audience, I mean the voters, they like that when you don't
have a record, because when you have a record, they can find something to like harp on and
make you look like a bad guy.
Obama, when he ran, they said, too early, you've only been in the Senate a couple of years,
he was like, good, they don't have a lot of my voting record
or other bullshit, I'm a fresh face, people don't give a shit,
they don't know anything anyways, so it doesn't matter.
And Trump, yes, but part of the...
Is that Joe Biden too?
They got the fresh young guy?
No, he was the calm guy.
We needed calm after that.
But nonetheless, this is the problem.
Trump pulled something that no one in your wildest dreams
even though some people said this is incredible.
And part of the inside straight he pulled
was the ineptness of the opposition.
You know, I mean part of it was Hillary not going to Wisconsin.
Exactly. That kind of shit. Exactly.
So he's right about not that part. I mean, it's just and Komi's let it. Yes, everything. He's a lucky son of a bitch.
Oh, from the day he was born, somebody sold his soul to the devil
because he's always lucky. He's skated on everything. I mean, his casinos went bankrupt.
Imagine going bankrupt in the casino industry, the only industry where people give you money
for nothing. Chakto Indians can make this work. And this guy went bankrupt. And all those hotel
Atlantic City took the whole city down. But you have said though, let me just can I ask you one thing you have said because I
listen, I didn't think that you know, even though somehow he had gotten to the stage, I
didn't necessarily think that the call was you know Donald Trump to be president.
I didn't credit.
I you know, I and you've got to admit that Hillary Clinton, with all due respect, I believe
in my, you know, he doesn't know anything about which is true, I guess. I just out, you
know, out to you, Trump. You do know about politics. The worst campaign in the history of politics.
Right. That said, that's part of the inside strength. So stop blaming, you know, that's
the part where I get with Trump. There's plenty to blame.
But it's also, I mean, the country had just been
dumbified to the point.
I mean, Sarah Palin was, how long before, oh, only eight two thousand eight.
She was the John the Baptist for his, uh, bringing dumbness to that level where it's actually
applauded, you know, this is a point where-
I was not dumb, completely dumb. Trump? level where it's actually applauded. You know, this is a pleasure.
I'm not dumb and I'm completely dumb.
Well, he's, he's, he's, he's somehow, no.
You're not dumb if you somehow do what he did.
He's like Hitler.
He's crazy, not in every way.
We don't want to compare him to him.
No, no, no.
It's perfectly okay to make a Hitler analogy.
As long as you compartmentalize it, I'm not saying he's Hitler like he wanted to kill all the Jews.
What I'm saying is Hitler was crazy,
like Trump is crazy, he is crazy.
Hitler wasn't stupid, Trump's more stupid,
but they were both political,
instinctive political geniuses.
That's where that analogy is completely appropriate.
No, he was not, Trump is not that evil.
He does not want to take over the world and kill people
and put them in camps, of course.
But as a sort, kind of a savant,
who's just this instinctive political genius,
Trump is that.
When he gets you, his fans, his crowd, the proud boys types.
Boy, that is a cult.
You know, there's a base and you have a cult.
Biden doesn't have three people who like him as much
as Trump, like, first 20 million.
And I like Joe, but he is in what show business
we would call a hack, okay?
That's not a bad person, but you're a hack.
You know, you've been around for a long time.
You never can quite...
I think that's a little harsh, isn't it?
I mean, a hack?
If I thought so, I wouldn't say...
Joe Biden?
He's a hack.
I mean, if he's a hack, then what are these other guys?
Worse.
Even worse.
A hack is not the worst thing in the world.
Trump, you know, it's not evil, but you're a hack.
Unbelievable.
He's a hack.
And then, so, so, I don't even know where to go.
I mean, he's a journeyman.
If he was a journeyman, he was a senator
and then he was vice president.
That's not a journeyman, okay?
That's someone who paid his dues and then his son died
and he was too well, we all know that,
but thank God he was there. I don't know what his son died and he was too well. We all know that but thank God he was there.
I don't know what his son dying has to do with anything. Just take it in. They're running in
2016 and then now he thank God the only guy that could lost that election was Joe. No, Joe being
there and yes, you know, wouldn't say like if all he had to say was something about you know and he did
this sir he did the country agree I got I got the corona and now I get it a
little bit and I have empathize with some of you that got it and you know there
are people that went through it if he had done that Trump he would have won
by 15 points if he got bid showed a little empathy about even when he had it.
And it said, you know, this is a tough thing.
But that's too lower bar.
Again, he's crazy and stupid.
This is what I keep saying about Trump,
which is just a terrible combination.
I mean, you get one, one of those two is bad, but he's bad.
I don't think he's stupid though.
I hate this saying it out.
Joe Biden, look.
And Joe Biden's a nice guy.
He's a nice guy, okay.
That's, but as far as, let me know.
Make sure you start his spout.
Because in who you think you should be.
Is it nice?
It's a nice guy then.
Let him run a little store.
Nice guys, we're talking about somebody who should be present.
And look, he's fine as president.
And he was the only guy for whatever reasons of fate
who could have at that moment.
The only guy?
Okay, but that's not to say that, you know, people,
FDR, he's not FDR, he's Millard Fillmore.
You know, he's gonna, he's, he's,
look, he's, at least give him Jimmy Carter.
Okay, and Jimmy Carter, I'm a big fan of Jimmy Carter.
I'm a big fan of Jimmy Carter.
Jimmy Carter did way better and was way more on the ball than Joe Biden.
Jimmy Carter would totally agree with that, but they're going to be considered in the
game.
No, you know, during Carter's term, no one ever fired a shot in our military.
The only one.
He put solar panels up in the seven months on the White House.
They took Reagan, took them down.
And he leveled with the American people, like,
if you're honest, you know, apparently lose.
We have to like start conserving energy
and we never did and look at the ship we're in now.
Yeah, now it's too late.
And he was religious, which is not my jam.
Not mine either.
Okay, but at least he was sincere about it.
He wasn't one of these fake Republicans.
Like, oh, I love Christ so much.
And like never go to church.
But you're talking about Trump now.
Well, all of them have to like,
some other mind.
Some other religious, some of them are.
Bush. Bush was a Jesus freak.
Bush, he was a born again.
Yes, and that may be allowed him to believe.
That's how you could do this.
Billy Graham got him off the sauce.
It was like, you know, you're a drunk.
Why don't you try Jesus?
I mean, that was sort of the deal.
You want to be president on one day and follow him.
It's incredible that he became president also.
Well, you know, when he first ran in 99, when they did polls, and people thought it was
his father, and that's why he went to the top of the polls.
And once you're at the top of the polls, then you're like the guy to be.
But they...
Yeah.
Are you sure about that?
Yes.
Because he was governor of Texas.
But they thought him, the person running,
a lot of people did think it was George Bush's senior.
You know, people are, you know, you just can't go broke.
No, under arrest.
You see this, again, this is where I have to just
at least express my, for what it's worth.
These people that voted for Trump,
that 20 million you're referring to. More. at least express my, for what it's worth, these people that voted for Trump,
that 20 million you're referring to,
more than I'm not, way more than that.
But a lot of these people had it
where they were felt like they were left behind.
We know this.
Yes.
In Ohio and all those places where the factories were,
and we all went to,
No, absolutely.
To Mexico, China, all over the world,
because the labor is 10 times cheaper.
And then you were to surprise,
how about that, for example,
is it in there a way like the coal miners,
you know, can I just finish this one?
Yes, it's a coal miner.
This poor souls that die 20 years
like football player.
Right.
20 years before the average person.
Right.
And then they closed the combines.
Shouldn't we have just like,
we've given these trillions of dollars
that everybody even rich people like these, you know,
help for the, when the pandemic hit?
How about paying these combiner salaries for whatever they made?
God bless these poor souls.
Part of this $1.2 trillion, $100 billion,
I don't even care what it is.
I wouldn't, to these people and take care of them
and then transition them, pay them full salary
until they transition to a solar panel.
So, and you're saying we're not doing that?
No, I'm not, I'm saying we're not doing it. Yeah. You're saying Trump promised that and you're not doing that? No, I'm not saying we're not doing it.
Yeah.
You're saying Trump promised that in your own delivery?
No, I'm not saying even Trump did promise.
But the Democrats also don't promise.
Right.
They need their one of them promise.
That to me is a no-brainer.
But can I give you what I think is the bigger picture, answer to this?
Okay. First of all, it says so much about our politics and the Republican Party and
the Republican voters' mind that Trump could make himself a hero by promising to save
the worst job you could possibly imagine in your worst fucking Satanic. Exactly. It's a tough job.
And Trump, Hillary was like, like you said, let's transition you to something better.
But they didn't.
But they didn't say they said, like,
oh, in the meantime, they're going to get,
their salary is going down the tubes.
They're making good money for these terrible jobs
when compared to a lot of people.
The fact that the Democrats cannot, they don't have a way to convince these people,
because they're so skeptical of politics and for good reason, to convince them that,
no, actually, if you give up this horrible job digging up a toxic black rock, we've found
something better now. Mr. Musk did it. Right. Okay. So if you do that,
it'll be a better life for the environment and for you.
And you can trust us that we will transition you.
The problem is,
and so much fun,
and I don't blame them.
Exactly.
Because there's so much,
this has been my big theme lately.
There's so much graft in the system.
So much gets stolen.
Like, I would be, You came out and was so graft in the system. So much gets stolen.
Like I would be-
You came out and it was so true about the pandemic,
you would just see.
The money.
It's embarrassing.
It's embarrassing.
It's embarrassing.
The beginning of it.
It's so pathetic.
It's so pathetic.
I mean like, that's why Democrats lose.
Hundreds of billions, it's not just their fault,
but hundreds of billions.
No, I'm talking about it.
Building like, you know, all these states where, you know,
Democrats don't get it.
How in the world could you let people get away with this
and then sit back and do nothing?
In that thing, you just referenced what I said was,
like, I understand the concept of you can't transfer money
from wealthy to poor, except with a leaky bucket.
That's what the voice said.
I accept that. That's what the voice said. I accept that.
That the bucket has some leaks.
But when it's all leaks, what you got there's a handle.
There's no bucket at all.
It's all.
So when they say to people in Appalachia,
oh yeah, we're gonna fix you up.
You don't have to go into the dirty,
fucking black hole.
I haven't said that though.
Well, if Killery did, no, that's why she got killed.
No, because she was gonna lose that hat anyway.
No, no, no, John, Hillary got killed for a statement
which they turned into in an attack ads of her saying,
basically, I'm gonna get rid of your cold jobs.
But it was a let me finish moment.
Exactly.
Let me finish and give you better jobs
because there are better jobs to
be had. But they weren't offering to pay that though. Well, that's the catch. Well, that's
the catches that you have. They don't trust the government because they haven't. They
don't trust the government to follow through on that pledge. They don't. And I kind of don't
blame them. Exactly. That's why they know what I'm saying. Yes. They could have
solved this in a way and maybe God forbid get people in West Virginia, these poor souls
that are in the coma. So and agree with them. Okay. They're too pathetic to even realize
that. We're agreeing on all this. Here's the question. You're that guy in Appalachia. Who do you vote for then?
I would vote for Trump. You would. Yeah. If I was that guy. Right. Because he's promising at least that I can keep that job. Right. Right.
That otherwise they were gonna shut it down. It's not interesting that this is a rich and a born rich
Little prick from New York and And the people that love him,
right.
Aren't they like them?
It's unbelievable.
The exact right, they're poor,
they're from the exact opposite part of the country.
And yet they bond on a much deeper level, really deep.
It's incredible.
I don't know how they think,
I mean, because even President Donald Trump would admit,
I think he would admit he's a narcissist.
Yeah, but it's not even a surprise.
I think, oh yes.
Well, he would know because that's a,
he would never.
I just do things for me that are great for you.
Like he'll say whatever it is.
And he's very convincing.
Oh, I know, everything is great for me is great for you.
But then he's got
the people, the people that do you think he, I mean, with all due respect, you say it
on your show. You're like, he doesn't even call Eric up his son. Okay. If he doesn't
care about his son to some extent or his family, well, Tiffany, and you're kidding. I know
you're Tiffany. Well, that's the one. How many does he care about these people in West Virginia?
I mean, you know what he said to you?
Did you stay in up at night, worrying about them?
Do you know what he said to you?
I wish he was in a way.
You know what he said?
Any of them?
You know what he said to Tiffany,
the last time she walked in to the...
I'm afraid to ask.
The last time she walked into the Elvula office?
Just say no what.
No, what?
Kelly Ann?
You changed your hair.
I know. No, no. No.
No.
Ah.
How's that marriage still going?
Which one?
Kelly Ann in, what's his name?
She was on the other night.
I mean, I did not bring, you should have asked.
I know that you were nice to her, but it's like, come on.
Isn't that the job?
I'm like the mafia.
I'm like the mafia.
I don't mess with families and women and children.
I'm like an assassin with a code.
But this was a very, very unusual situation.
I don't mess with the family.
That is my call.
I'll come on if you doesn't ask about George.
I will put the bullet in the back of a million motherfuckers head,
but not women and not children.
I have a code.
Oh my God.
I'm a musician.
This whole thing in Russia is crazy.
You think like, is this, am I right?
Because I mean, I grew up in, even now,
that at this moment, the number one ranked tennis player
is Russian.
Who can't play Wemble?
Medvedev.
Medvedev.
It's gone up to one because they didn't allow
Joe to be a play, it's a boring story.
But the bottom line is that.
By the way, I watch tennis.
You can play any other CSB and stuff.
No, no, he's getting tries. I'm not saying that I'm trying, but he would know, I have complaining about the ESPN stuff, but like... No, no, he was being tried.
I'm not saying that I'm trying, but he would know.
He also have a lot of other sports.
I mean, the fact that there are three guys still playing,
all of whom have 20...
20 or 20, 20 or 20.
Well, they're all around the same.
Yeah.
I mean, there was you and Conner's and Borg, right?
And then... And then Conner's Borg, Lendell, where that time then it was later.
Lendell was later, wasn't he?
He was a year younger than me.
Oh, really?
One year.
Yeah.
Well, we grew up in the June.
So I guess there's always the, what is it?
It was like three or four, right?
Who you're always worrying about, who you are.
There's three or four mainly.
Right.
There's a couple others, but yeah, those are the three main rivals.
And I must say, I'm totally on Joker's side with the vaccine.
You know, people don't like to hear this.
Well, I'm on his side, but I also thought he should have, like, when it, you know, you're
definitely taking a risk going to Australia, which is very hardcore.
I'm. They're hardcore about, you know.
A risk in what way?
The risks that something back could happen.
No, not dying.
No, just having someone do stuff that they did.
But here's why I support him.
Throw him out.
Here's why I support him and Aaron Rodgers and Kyrie Irving.
These are athletes.
As you once were, the elite of the elite,
your body is your life.
You take care, I know these guys,
especially now with all we know about nutrition and shit.
These guys, and I'm sure you did in your day,
or maybe you didn't, maybe you were drinking every night,
I don't know, but-
This was our life, I haven't even appeared,
that that will rack the body.
But they take care of their bodies,
they know their bodies, and we know that viruses are opportunists.
What do you like the other side of the coin?
And if you're healthy in general, you know,
it creates a shape.
They did not need to do.
Joke of it is one of the right shapes of the athlete.
So, what's the other thing?
Their view is I do not need to fear the virus
because I keep myself in this shape.
So, you're going to make me put something in my body
that I don't want because you are less healthy than me.
I understand that point of view.
Yeah, I totally understand.
And I got vaccinated, you know.
I did too.
Right.
I totally agree with that.
Here's the catch though.
The catch is, is that if he's so, you know, obviously he's an incredible athlete and
we're just take the shot, the one shot, get it out of go in and out of your body in
a couple of days.
Well, you won't be dealing with it. This is a professional one of the greatest
No, no, no, don't you got that's what I think you should I have to stop you on one thing
Which is the whole crux of the argument you said take the vaccine to be
No, I said take the one shot. Okay. Well, okay, take the one shot. That's the vaccine you said
It'll be in and you're out of your body in a couple of days, right? Okay, if shot, that's the vaccine. You said, it'll be in and out of your body
in a couple of days.
Okay, if I knew that for a fact,
instead of just rectum derived,
I would never say another word about vaccines,
but that's just rectum derived.
We don't know, that's the whole point,
is that am I against vaccines?
Of course not, every medical decision is playing the odds.
Sometimes the odds are like like absolutely take the vaccine.
But don't tell me that we know long-term
what vaccines combine with so many other things
that are affecting us X-rays.
I'm gonna totally agree with that.
What you eat and menals.
I agree with that also.
I don't know what causes cancer.
And neither do they.
Exactly.
So don't tell me.
I totally agree with that.
Okay.
But, but if you're gonna risk not getting in because of that, you got away, you got
to, you know, something.
The odds of something catastrophic happening are so minuscule because I'm a finely tuned
athlete.
There's incredible shape and I eat right.
I train this guy's one of greatest shapes.
Who the hell can fucking put it in there?
I saw when they put it in guess what?
Nadal won the whole fucking thing because he got thrown out.
Nadal came in heroic unbelievable effort beat meffodep from two sets of love down.
You talk about throwing a pie in your own face boom
Then he goes to the France and he I don't blame him I'd be pissed also if I got thrown
out of the fucking country where I won this thing nine times nine times I called I texted him I go I'm
on your side man but listen I thought maybe they're gonna let him play but these politicians they
right right Australia's are outside all the. The odds of them getting like this horrible come on, they just jumped from there being,
they kept people in Melbourne and sitting in these places, people out all the time.
It's bullshit what they did there.
Then they throw them out.
So joke of it just all bent out of shape, which I don't blame up a bit.
Doesn't that hurt?
You're like morale.
You're trying to be like the greatest of all time.
You know, you go through a couple of months.
He didn't play much.
He didn't even know if he could play initially the French because this thing was still going on.
It's gotten better.
And then he got out of shape for him a little bit.
Lost a few matches, almost peaked at the French.
One of the great matches, him and the Dal one added again.
They just lost me.
It looked to me like you got a little tired in the end.
Well, hopefully you win Wimbledon.
They're not letting the Russians play Wimbledon.
Do you know that?
They're not allowing them to play.
That's so terrible.
The only country in the world
that is not letting the Russians play right now is England.
As if they invaded Ukraine with tennis raccoons,
it's terrible.
Well, so John, these guys who are like the top dogs now, even though now they're getting
all older.
But, so what is their relationship with you?
Because I imagine it must be like what, like, good millennial comics, their relationship
with me, they adore me, of course.
As a person who is not quite that good.
As achieved.
It must be somewhat like that.
And I love them because it's like, oh, you guys are carrying on a great tradition and
you're fantastic.
You know, it depends how they must be very affectionate to it.
Well, they're nice to me.
You know, Rafa Nidal is like total class.
I mean, he is. He comes up.
He doesn't need to.
The guys see all the time.
And they must feel like you, in a way,
pioneered and gave them space to be a little more free.
So like, whatever they do on the court,
like say, shit their pants.
No, they don't even need to worry about that.
Joe, it's like defaulting at the open, by the way.
A year and a half ago. Mac and Row did this in the 80s, if it's got, who's like defaulted at the open, by the way, a year and a half ago.
Mac and Ro did this in the 80s.
So, it's, you know, it's like, fuck you.
I'm gonna like be, be who I am.
It wasn't what I did.
It's more like the whole entertainment, hopefully, at the end of the day, where people started to think,
take tennis can be thought of, and this is my goal, be thought of the same way as other sports.
Like, I'm not saying football, because some of my buddies were football players,
and I'm not even pretending.
That's why I played tennis.
So I didn't have to go on the football field.
See, these guys, poor guys, get their ass kicked.
I mean, it's incredible, like you see,
like, when these guys go through.
But I would say that...
I mean, I'm lucky in a way.
I would say that, in a typical football game,
there are more boring plays than there are boring points in tennis.
A good tennis match.
Almost every point is interesting.
Football has a lot of filler.
A lot of two yards into the middle of the line, a slant pass for four, you know, punting.
That's sort of like we have that, they have they did what I'm saying is we
What no no
I'm saying they're not saying hello. How are you like it the line even though it's a boring place You know like in football those linemen defensively
And so we did a little of that like trash talking in like honors was that incredible.
He saying shit like during the match.
Yeah, during the match like basketball.
They do the same thing.
And that's part of like what would he say?
Like that point.
You know, whatever you're like to whatever you want.
You're never going to get that past me.
Just all that kind of thing.
No, not quite that nice, but that's okay.
Like you stink at this sport. But that's bad.
But after you beat him, that's why I couldn't say
that things like that, right?
Like not like beat this upper class like Sissy sport.
What's your relationship with him now?
He seemed like a difficult guy.
I know, he's a difficult guy.
Yeah.
You know what, I'd heard that.
Oh yeah.
From me and you.
I heard you had a difficult time with Connors.
I'm gonna try this clover one more time before I go.
I don't know where I'm getting kicked off.
Yeah, I gotta kick you off now.
Oh, now.
Well, I'm boring.
Yeah, I'm boring. I'm not boring.
I can do this all night, but we, you know, I have a real job, and I'm so flattered that
you watch it, because that's my real love and my real job, and I work on it like,
I mean, just the last 10 minutes thing I do, you know, it takes like 20 hours a week.
So like, yeah, I go back to work here.
I just, this is like my break.
But you need a break.
Yeah.
But I know your wife said, we're going to get together.
I say all like, I see other friends.
It's the three of us.
And I would love to, because I always liked you,
even from afar, because I felt
a little bit of a kindred spirit, the outer borough,
Irish, and sort of snorling at the people who don't
get them yet.
And we both were very,
we're both very lucky.
I had a chance to come on your podcast
and shoot this shit.
And someday, who knows,
maybe I'll be on your other show.
I'd love to have you on.
Sometimes you have some good people
and there's other times where you have to get the hacks,
you talk Joe Biden's a hack.
Like who would you talk?
I'm not gonna mention names.
No, I agree.
No, no, but you just like, you know, let's call this,
you know, no, nobody is more aware of it
or is bothered more than me.
If you're talking about like politicians
who come on the panel,
or even so-
And are so- No no it all said me
really yeah, no it all is can be obnoxious but if they really do know it all about something that's good but
What I really can't stand is politicians who are just so careful they won't say anything
It's like oh, please retire and then come back when you can speak like a human
And I know what's funny?
It's Liz Cheney of all people.
Of all people.
Of all people is the person that's standing up.
Democrats, they never fail to fall in love
with the next Republican, whether it's Mueller or Komi,
any of these people.
And, you know, it's like, if they would just
get a personality transfer, that's what they
love about the Republican.
You see the way Liz Cheney prosecutes this trial.
It's like no nonsense and no bullshit and not distracted and play for the winning.
But you can't forget her father though.
Of course.
That's a big part.
Well, she's not her father.
She's not her father.
And you can't hate her for being a conservative Republican.
America's in Wyoming.
In Wyoming.
In Wyoming.
America has to get over that.
The liberal party.
No, no, I don't have a problem.
She's a conservative.
No, but like, you know, there's conservatives and we...
Just gotta be like, you remember when there was like
a middle ground or some kind?
Yeah.
God forbid that you'd be like, you fight it out.
At least that you mentioned Ted Kennedy and these other people.
But like, in those days, at least Biden,
when he was doing that,
come to like, okay, let's get it,
we both get some, we lose, win some, we lose some,
which happens all the time in comedy, you go up and do it,
it's not like you hit it perfect every time,
we don't win every match, even Roger Federer loses 10, 15%.
I lost 17, 18% on my matches 17.
And on and on.
Yeah.
We'll mat note, cheers.
Boy, it'd be a good, all right, now we can
hug each other.
You got to taste a lot of those.
Let's go.
We're gonna
help you get more fun than a barrel of monkeys.
You just, you just say that, honey, I can tell by the little time barrel of monkeys. You do.
You just say that, honey, I can tell by the little nose.
No, no, no, no.