Club Random with Bill Maher - Seth MacFarlane | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: December 29, 2023

EARLY RELEASE!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR! The great SETH MacFARLANE and Bill discuss the hilarious Norah Jones moment in Seth’s movie, Bill’s article on Seth in Vanity Fair, David Mamet’s gift for Bill, Bill’s childhood snobbiness about animation, Seth’s favorite Superman joke, Seth being compared to Jay Gatsby, when Seth saw Bill’s appearance on the TV show Alice, the time Bill got booed at a Dodger game, how animated characters get away with more, why the guys slowed down Tweeting, the good and the bad of A.I., the time Seth and Bill sang to Jay Leno, and so much more.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Please put a bullet in my head. If I'm ever at that place, of course, you know what? You say that when you get there. It's just like, a little to the left. When you're going online to complain, you can't find Peter Griffin. You can't find Stewie. They don't exist.

Right. So who yell at me? I'm so usually, I'm usually very unencumbered, but I'm very perclaimed that you're here. You know that. I mean, I don't see you enough. I know. I know. I know. I don't know. I know one of those Hollywood people like me, who how do you get them to be... you work with them.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're just that way. Anyway, let me do your books before, all right. Take this, there he is. January, oh, that's me. Yeah. Right, okay, so we're dropping this to the 29th. The next date, that's December 30th.

Oh, right, you're doing a live show with Liz Gilles at the Smith Center, which is in Vegas. Las Vegas. Las Vegas, yeah. Christmas album. We wish you the Marius. I have your one with Little Jack Frost. Oh, you do? Of course.

I should have brought you the new one. Yes, you should have. Fucking, hey, well, you all have some and send it over. Yeah, and that's with your girl. Yeah, Liz Gillies. No, no, no should have fucking. Hey, well, you all have someone send it over. Yeah, and that's with your girl. Yeah, Liz Gillies. No, no, no, no, Nora Jones. Nora Jones? Yes, on the original, yeah.

It was so funny. Yeah. Was it one or two, Ted? She was in Ted one. Right. I remember he just, he was like, it's for nine or 11.

It's so great. Oh, apparently, you know what I forgot too? I forgot that line was added after the shoot as a piece of a loop. Really? And God, thank God she's got the sense of who she does because... Well, it's so funny because you can't get mad at it because it's ignorant. Yes, exactly. So you can all, you know, there's, we're making fun of the ignorant, which it is.

Exactly right. It's exactly right. The younger generation has sort of forgotten Matt Motive comedy. It's the show started? Yes. Okay, great. So this is the show.

Yeah. Oh, there's never any, oh, there's no preamble. This is what's random about it. What do you think I'm reading blogs? This the first time I've ever read anybody's plugs right away, but I want to tell you. I said, you're good, you're good. I don't, don't buy.

No, and look, I accidentally fell into a Segway, Ted, the TV series, not the movie, but Norah Jones, who did not start 9-11. No, not at all. It was nowhere near there. But that's why I love that joke. It's just dumb, because she is, of course, not anyway. But even if she was, you know, what involved? Muslim, right? Well, she's indian. Yes, but it certainly was not the Indian. No, no, no, no. Wow, it just so it

just gets even worse from here. There were only in the first five minutes. Oh, did you hear about the chick on OnlyFans who lost a candy cane? No, how does that, how do you get a, of a, well, you know, well, you know, on OnlyFans. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. fans is. I do. I do. I do. Have you ever? Yeah. Worldwide web. The World Wide Web. Have you ever brought that whole thing? Yes.

Have you ever... And Ben, I have not visited only fans. No, it's going to say, do it. Have I done a fan? I can't. I'm joking. I don't think you're doing OnlyFans. I mean, look, you gotta open up. I'm not career possibilities.

And I would be very, very shocked if you even went on OnlyFans. As opposed to me, who? Have you been on OnlyFans? As opposed to me, who wouldn't know how? Yeah, yeah, that's kind of where I fall as well. Oh, come on. I need a lot of help with technology. You oh, yes. Oh, I

thought we were I thought we were No, no, no, no, no. So at some point in my 20s that kind of It all went away like I could I wouldn't when they stopped using like coaxial cables and like RCA jacks I like it all went away for me Like I like oh, I can if you need a VCR hooked up, I'm your guy. But beyond that, I'm useless. I learned to went out to Snoop Dogg's car. I think this was politically incorrect. I say, yeah, I don't know why we were walking out together, but it was well before you could like smoke pot. Well, you still can't smoke

pot in the holes of CBS, but it was really outrageous. Oh like smoke pot, well, you still can't smoke pot in the holes of CBS. But it was really outrageous. Oh, that's a network policy. That's it, come on. It's America. But he was, as we were walking out, and then we got to the parking lot, and he had an 8-track.

Oh, that's great. And I said, no, I mean, why do you have an 8-track? In his car. Yes. And he said, got's I mean, why do you have an A-track? In his car. Yes. And he said, got's to keep it real, Bill. I don't really understand why that makes it real or but. I remember my grandmother used to have an A-track player in her car.

And for whatever reason, when I was five years old, the second I would get in the car with her, I would insist that she play Eddie Arnold. Eddie Arnold. There Arnold. Eddie Arnold. There was an Eddie Arnold 8-track, and I had to hear it every time we were in the car. Remind me Eddie Arnold. It's like a country singer. Yes, wasn't he Colonel Parker's first? Uh, I think that's who Colonel Parker had before he had Elvis.

Was Eddie Arnold? Was Eddie Arnold? I believe so. I believe that was his claim to- Now that's random They told me I had to say that once Well, we so we got it out of the way, but we appreciate No really

No, I think I think Eddie Arnold as I recall Was yes, the country star. Yeah, I think that was Colonel Parker's Big client that had gave him that credibility to it. Oh, God, I forgot. Ted the TV series drops January 11th. I cannot wait for this. Yeah. The two Ted movies, the second one,

maybe almost even better, but they are both just such a scream. Well, you'll enjoy this. You'll enjoy this. Of course, I will. Yeah. That is just some of those things I've seen so many times, the one they're in the firm like throwing Tom Brady the perfect. I mean, it's like it's a pie fight with come.

It's just, I mean, it's it it's Vodvilian and Filthy. But that is one of your genius creations. That little bear that, yeah, he, he turned out well. He turned out well. He's, he's, this, I ended to, uh, to peacock and NBC's credit. They, they said, listen, you, uh, we want this to be like the movies. You don't have to pull anything back. We want this to be what it always ends to their credit. They did not waver on it. Oh, no, no one would fuck with you at this point. No, you don't have to pull anything back. We want this to be what it always ends to their credit. They did not waver on it.

Oh, no one would fuck with you at this point. No, they wouldn't. You're in that, we don't fuck with them anymore, stage. You're a boy genius. Which can be good and bad. You're kind of arson Welley's, Welley and Link, you know. But don't get fat. Ah, the French.

Yeah, and don't, no. He would, I think he'd already peaked by 50. Yeah. All right, you're gonna be 50, aren't you? Yeah, let's go with gonna be. I can't believe next, this 24, right? Right, yeah. Oh, this isn't that your big year?

This is the, it's coming. It's coming. Oh, that's one of the things I brought. Do you remember me, I never do this on this show, not that this is a show, but do you remember me writing this, but I did a thing for Vanity Fair. They must have asked me to profile you. Wikipedia says that Seth McFarland is an actor, voice actor,

animator, screenwriter, producer, director, and singer. And it would be great if I could just cut and paste the rest of their entry right here and go have a drink with Seth McFarland. He drinks Jack. Yeah, that's right. And he does not become a mean drunk, which I think says a lot about a person's character.

I've seen him in crowds, and he literally suffers fools gladly. Seth was raised in Connecticut and his allegiance to the spirit of New England is genuine. You can tell his mother and father raised him right, which I find to be a delightful quality and a human being. As a boy, Seth was a girl. And I mean that in a good way. Boys are immature and unfocused, but Seth knew what he wanted to do in life when he was two. By five, he understood the concept of getting in the animation business.

God, did I suck your dick before or after this? At 24, he was the youngest executive producer and television ever. He's still not 40. The bastard. And he runs an empire that includes not just the Golden Goose family guy, but also American dad, the Cleveland show, the forthcoming Flintstones remake, a version in careers, a seriously good singer, albeit completely in the wrong decade. And now a movie director of the soon to be released tent.

Okay. He's the Ryan Seacrest of talent. Anyway, that's one guy. I can appreciate his own jokes 10 years later. What was the context of that? Was that this was an article or something? Obviously Ted was about to come out. I remember you did it for me a couple of times. That's right. Magazine. We were kind of, I think they go that log rolling. Exactly. You know what they call it? Crazy.

Yes, when you know the praise, your book and then you praise my, you know, it goes a lot, it goes on a lot in literature, literary circles. Norman Mellor loves, you know, Gorbidol's late this one and Gorbidol loves him. And then this, David Mammott, he sent me this today. This is really funny. It's a Woody Woodpecker. Oh my God. And then, did he draw that?

Yes, he draws, he turns out these drawings. I have a number of them here. Woody Woodpecker was not actually funny. He was funny for a woodpecker. It's a dead perfect. That's perfect. I am totally, I mean, what I love this. God, it was, I was obsessed when I was a kid with Woody Woodpecker. That was like my favorite cartoon. Of all the cartoons in about first grade through third grade, it was like Woody Woodpecker. And then I got older and I kind of fell more into that camp. Like he's kind of I watched No Cartoon from child. Yeah. I was very snobby about that.

He was just Walter Cronkite from No. Second year out of the womb. No, Seth. But I, for some reason at a very young age felt like that only film, like Superman, three stuages, but really no cartoons. So like the original Superman, the original Superman, yeah, I mean, I'm talking, yeah, we're talking about like 1960 when I was four years old or something. There are so many great jokes about that show and I wish that I've heard from standups over the years is who does the joke? Signed for it probably.

About it. Like, he gets shot and he doesn't move. He's got his hands on his head and his bullets are shaking. The second the guy runs out of bullets and throws the gun. He's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got the gun. Does he? Yeah. Well Jerry had the first one about a pair of glasses

is a dynamite disguise. You know, which, here's, tell me if you heard this, I wish God damn if I could remember the comedian's name. It's a woman in Boston. And if you're listening, man, this is a very funny joke. And I can't remember what her name was. I had a joke on Twitter about the intro of the Superman. And it was the guy who said, it's a bird. What was he so excited about? I thought that was genius.

I thought that was genius. It is genius. And that's why I'm not really the ultimate kind of observational comic. I mean, you have to observe. But I still, I still have bits, lots of bits over the years that are not net political and are observational. But those kind of, when you do any kind of observational and somebody gets to one like that, you go, oh, there was that diamond lying on the ground. We all missed it. And we all just walked right

past. We all could have seen it. Yeah, that's a big one. That's a big one. That's a big, that's a big, that's a big, that's a big, just, it just shows. If you just, hear something over and over no matter what it is. Still gold in them hills. Yeah. I would hate to be that kind of comic though where I was sort of limited to. A lot of work. Stuff that was evergreen.

Yeah. I don't mind that, you know, a lot of my material, I don't want to do it five years later, but yeah, especially when it's political, I mean, I'm not going to be doing Mitt Romney jokes. Yeah. Sarah Palin, boy, she's a dumbass, huh? He wants, like, yeah, that moment has passed.

Right. Sometimes you can recycle Sarah Palin jokes as Marjorie Taylor, Green shows. Yes, you can. And then we some other dumb content in the Republican party. You'll come along and I'll show you. You know, Lauren Bulbert, I mean, I'm not going to ever be hurting for stupid twats in that party. But the problem is they're brands.

It's like you look at what is it? Matt Gatz, Marjorie Chela Green, Lauren Mabur, Gates. Is that a brand? Yes. But they're all people who like if they could make it on social media as like TikTokers or Instagramers, they probably would. They basically are building brands. And it's exactly like that. Exactly. But nowhere they probably would. They're building brands.

And it's exactly left to, but nowhere near as bad. No, that's very persuasive. That's exactly what they are. It's just not seen that way because they have official jobs, but they don't do the official job of like legislating and learning about issues and that stuff. It's all this what you're talking about.

It's all the marketing. Yes, it's all becoming a personality. Yeah, I mean, it is almost performance art. Yeah, it's exactly what it is. It's, I mean, you see, and they're good at it is the problem. They're out to shock you. We did, they're not at the govern. One of the future headlines we did,

last Friday was the vague Rema Swami comes clean. I'm a performance artist. And I feel like it's almost... That's actually one that's true. It is almost performance art what he's doing. It's... He was here. He's a bright guy. Yeah. But what's the motivation? I mean, like what

you in a certain point, it's like you're big. There's emotional intelligence and there's the motivation is to win elections. And the means in these people's minds is that our base or electorate is on this kind of level. They don't want to hear about the details. They don't, Trump says a million thing contradict. They don't care. They never take them literally. Never take them literally. They take them seriously, but not literally.

Even, even still, even though everything that was warned about has come to pass, Roe v. Wade has gone. He didn't accept the outcome of the election. Like, everything that the crazy is on the, the crazy is on the left said this is going to happen. And their right wing friend said, no, it's not happened. Yeah. Well, now we take him literally. The people I was fighting was with other people on the left.

I said all along, he's never going to concede power. And the, and the Democrats I talked to would always laugh me off and say, you're being alarmist. And of course he has to. And you know, everybody learned so done, and, you know, the politicians, they would just all poo poo this idea. So that was a fear by about midway through his presidency that I started to have, that this guy is not going to walk away if he loses. Is this bother?

No, no. Really? Oh yeah. I smoke cigars in my own house. You do? Oh yeah. You smoke cigars? Everyone's in a while. Why? What's in it?

Once a year or so. No, why? But what's, I don't get the pleasure. It's, well, you don't like, you don't smoke the whole thing and you pass out. But you're not inhaling it, right? No, no, no. So if you're not inhaling it and it's not getting you high, it's just like, it's like putting it just,

it's just hurting your mouth. I don't get it. That is exactly what's smoking a cigar. That's certainly how you feel the next day that you put a turt in your mouth. What do you do it? Because you just look fucking cool. Really? Yeah. If I've had a few drinks to check home, no, just in the mirror. If I've had a few drinks and I'm home, I'll have a cigarette now. Which is... A cigarette I get because I was stupidly smoked for 20 years. Did you really?

Yeah. For 20 years. You didn't know your brand. I was the Barclays Man. The Barclays? No, I wasn't the Barclays Man, but Barclays was the brand. I remember that brand. Yeah. It must have been cheap. It was like, you know, it wasn't...

It's full flavor and cool mildness in Barclays. It wasn't like super hardcore, but it wasn't like, you know, one of the super light, well, I don't know. It's just, nothing bugs me about my past more than doing that, which was such a dumb idea. And smoking the bark list. Well, it's just smoking because, like, pot, if it kills me, I'll say, you know what, not a bad trade off because it gave me so much liquor even.

Yeah. I mean, how many ideas, you know, and, you know, it loosens people up, loosens you up for romance, you know, and you know, it loosens people up, loosens you up for romance, you know, loosen, you know, loosen the effort for love random. And that's why I brought you back. I've known you a while, but we never, we had this only a matter of time, wasn't it? It was gonna happen. We're like Mick Jagger and David Bowie.

We're gonna suck each other's dick. We're not even that gay, but you know, it's just, it's a professional courtesy thing. Oh, yeah. Come on, it's just really what it is. It's like, you know, it's like signing a W2 form. Whatever the fuck you call it. Yeah, it's just that, you know, I know in show business whoever makes the least amount of money

has to be the bottom. So I guess that, so I guess I know where I'm going. Do they still do that? I thought that went out with Abbot and Castello. What? But you make the least I don't know. I'm just going with the bit. Oh, well I don't know. Abbot and Castello have ever got to anal sex. It can't it can get worse. Just that Christmas party. And this year, what you didn't do it at your house didn't do it at my house. No, why, why that change? It was always a lot of noise. Right. Everyone from all the shows coming, the able to party. And even if I haven't seen them all year, you know, my animation director for family

guy, I don't see the guy all year because I've never over there. I see, I know I'm in a scene with the Christmas party once a year. Have a drink with him. And you know, it's that kind of thing. I have so it's all a write off. I have the same thing. We have a rap party for real time.

I was just Friday. It's the same thing. I love it. People I don't really get to see all year who work on the show. You can spend some time catch up, tell them how much you appreciate them and stuff. Different for this party is I lean out the other thousand. But that's just one show.

What? You mean this is this is a party for real time, right? Yes. Yeah, I know. This is so we're managing a bunch of, you know, I know. Yes, yeah, I know this is so we're managing a bunch of you know, I know But it's also it's just There are places in that party that look just like any like a nightclub

Yeah, like this place. Yeah, but this place would only fit 50 people. Yeah, but then you know There's family there's friends. There's like it's it starts to build up and then it becomes a Where many of those parties I went to where I could not find you and never did. Yeah. Yeah. Is that sad? That's saddened you. It should sadden you. I'm fine.

I don't know. It depends on what kind of mood you are. I'm not the person who needs to invite a thousand people to my Christmas book. But it does you invite this person and then they, if you don't invite this other person, they're going to get upset and then it starts to build and grow and grow. And then the people who are instrumental in planning the party, they have their own list. Hey, I put a lot of work into this. Can I invite you?

Of course, you say yes. And then it just becomes, it just mushrooms. It just looked like a bunch of hot chicks from the club. I mean, they did not look like that. That was many years ago. Many years ago. I don't know. You should have come this year.

I don't know if all of them were as close friends. Really, where was it? It's the Pacific Design Center. You're kidding. The pitch really, is that a one percent laugh? Is that your gag? Anyone outside LA? Is that your Pacific Design Center? Is that your gag? You want outside LA? Is that your Pacific designs?

But it's an enormous building. They call it a multiple, it's a honeycomb. They call it the blue whale. Do they really? You knew that? I didn't know that. You didn't know they call it the blue whale? No.

It's blue. And apparently it's so big it gets compared to a whale. Was it at the Pacific design? It was, yeah. Oh, it was. a whale. Was it at the Pacific design? It was, yeah. Oh, it was. It was actually the Pacific design center. That's for people who don't know. It's like where they have giant conventions.

You know, we invited most of the Shriners. Right. Exactly like Microsoft. Mm-hmm. Was here last week. And now it's Seth's Christmas party. Yeah. I'm here to tell you about Dr. Squatch.

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essentials you'll need to start feeling good and smelling like a man today. Well, people have compared you to Get's B. Oh, okay. You know that. Sure. Yeah, I've heard that. What are you saying? I'm trying to do. I'm trying to remember back to I know how to do this job reading the book in high school. Yeah. Any little tidbits that are going to be fodder for a joke and nothing's coming to me. How do you react to that? The gasp, gasp is sort of a tragic figure though, isn't it? And sort of an asshole. Yeah.

You know what? People, when they say it, they mean, oh, you know, debonair guy, handsome through big parties. And that's what they're thinking. But because the nobody reached a book, but I always thought the book possibly is not a great book, even though it's a talk to you, the great cats me, because the movies that they've made of it suck. Yeah. So how good could the book be if they keep fucking up the movie? That's the Alice in Wonderland problem, is that there's never been a good movie

made of that book. And I've never read the book, but I'm like, it must be horrible because I did. I did, did you? Yeah, I read it in college. I mean, I mean, I'm stuff for the Disney version, but other than that, you know, see, I can't really trust what 19 year old me thought. So and I don't remember what 19 year old you guest starring on Alice playing a cop. That was 20. How old were you?

Seven year old me. I'm watching reruns. Right, is that your camera there? Yeah. I'm watching reruns of Alice and this guy pops up dressed as a cop and you were very funny and you were still, you didn't seem any different. It's not like, oh, he was like, this is a young guy, and now he's this other guy. You seemed exactly the same.

It's just, your hair was a little darker. Exactly the same. Really? Yeah. Yeah, no, first of all. And you guys be safe out there. What? That's your ex-

Yes. Okay. Full of swagger. Okay. Why were you, one, why were you watching Alice? I mean, whyagger. Okay. Why were you one? Why were you watching Alice? I mean, why not? Okay. What, what, what, what was, was,

was Vick Tay back nice? You mean you're that big a fan of the, no, it's, it's, you know, you're flipping around? No, I, I bought the, the DVD set because you can't find them anywhere else and I uploaded it into my system there and then say, fuck it, I'm gonna bin jealous. And there you are. I'm just the only guy on screen still alive.

I'm just shocked that you have this kind of time. And also, if you ever missed one fucking episode of my show, one minute of it, because you're gonna be really pissed off. Because you, up the ass, really, okay, One minute of it because you would be really pissed off because I up the ass Really okay, but can I tell you the story there? All right, so I West my wick and beat it. I don't know my own life. No, I moved out here. I did it tonight show August 31st, 1982 got invited back in November That was big, you know got invited back in November.

That was big, you know, getting invited back. And then, oh, we like you so much. We'd like you on the New Year's Eve show. It's like, whoa, three tonight show shots in just the last quarter of the, that's. So of course, and I thought, well, I'm on my way. I'm going to use their ticket because poverty at that time was prevalent. I'm gonna use their ticket as I would to fly out and I'll just move to California.

So I did that. I've just moved with three suitcases on their ticket and had an apartment like in two days, did the tonight show. And then people saw it. I'd got DC Cab. Oh yeah, Mr. T. Joel Schroenmacher called like the next day,

which you'll like a part in DC Cab. So I had like a movie, and I had, and then it was soon after that. That was my first TV thing. The movie hadn't come out yet, and I think it was Mindy Marin. Mindy Marin was a big casting director. Oh, yeah.

She's there. Oh, I see her name on a million movies. And it's like, that's what it takes in the business. Like, people think we're a bunch of clowns out here, but actually, a lot of people are really good at their job. Including the casting people. For that kind of stuff, for acting and people who have charisma. And, you know, there isn't.

There isn't. So there isn't. What? I mean, present company except. No. But, you know, it's a big talent to spot a big talent. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And like, I really appreciate that there is somebody who was like, yeah, this is a silly little role, but just something about this guy that could,

and it's so funny that you would now say to me, you would say, but just something about this guy that could, and it's so funny that you would now say to me, you would say whatever that was reading is the same thing that either infuriates people. You know, it makes them like me, and I have plenty of both. My lovely girl said to me once, because you know, sometimes you're out

and people recognize you, and she, everybody loves you. And I said, very deceptive. The only people who say something, the people who like, when people don't like you, they don't say anything. No, they grumble about you at their tables. Exactly.

Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. So I said, I can prove it to you. I was once at a Dodger Stadium game, it's about 2005. It was pretty soon after, I said the tower was more coward, which a lot of people didn't like. Lost that show. Sure.

Sure. So they put my face on the jumbo screen. And there was, you know, there was cheering and a lot of booing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a lot of booing. And I said, you know, they were booing. And it's a lot of booze. And she said, no, they were saying, we love you, boo.

I see that. Yeah, pal. Yeah. That's a lot of booze and she said, no, they were saying we love you boo. But yeah, pal. Yeah, that's supportive. But yeah, I mean, I don't mind living with some people who don't like me. I mean, there are never people I respect, right? Right, right, right. I mean, I know there, you know, I don't know if you have any, you certainly don't have any fudes. I don't have any fudes. I don't have any fudes.

No, no, I'm sure there's people who, who, yeah, of course, it's family. Yeah, because you family guys, family guys, so are religious. Yeah, yeah. I mean, but yeah, no, there's no Hollywood fudes, no, but I'm not, I don't, you know, I'm not in the business of nightly,

or weekly political commentary. No. No. Well, in a way, it's your fate. And in a way you are. But it's your face. You're out there totally. I'll coat totally.

Totally. I'm delivering the jokes with the mouths of animated characters. It's very different the way it's perceived. Very different. Yes. And they, yeah, no, but it's just lizard brain stuff you can't get out of this. Yeah, it's absolutely what it is. Yeah, absolutely what it is now.

But, that mean there's certainly plenty of political commentary every week on Family Gun. I mean, and I never miss, I mean, you may be over it. You may be over it, but your fans are not. No, I know. I know, believe me. I'm reminded of that all the time. I mean, it's good because I could take it for granted, but I know. No, the last week was particularly great about streaming and sitcoms.

That run of like all the, when he names like 50 shows that begin with somebody just arriving on your doorstep, just priceless. And I admire the research that went into it. Somebody had to like compile that list. And she tries to stop and he goes, no, no, this is family guy. We're doing this. We're doing all of these fucking shows. Exactly.

And then like it was what, the odd couple. I mean, it's, it was, and I didn't doubt for a moment that they were all genuine, that they were all, I didn't recognize everyone in the mirror, remember the pilot, but that's like, yeah. But again, it's, you know, it's, when you're going online to complain, you can't find Peter Griffin, you can't find Stewie,

they don't exist, it's not real. Right. And so who do you yell at? It's a conglomerate of people that come. Look, they yell at you, nobody must. Not on Twitter? A lot. I mean, sometimes, but not like, I don't deal with it anywhere near.

But you tweet a lot, right? I used to, I don't tweet as much as I used to, only because I don't see the productivity. Oh, good. It was a point where I was like, I was tweeting posting. if if there's a book I've read that I think people should read and do a deep dive into something I'll post about that maybe write a little blur But beyond that, I don't really I just feel like I'm adding to the noise. I feel like I'm watching you're right

And it's just and it's detrimental to your mental health completely. No, No, it's already rewired all of our brains, whether we know it or not. You know, I don't watch any, like I used to watch cable news. Yeah. Quite a bit of MSNBC. Yeah. No, I don't do that either. CNN, I know the pandemic, I stop.

Yeah. And I never went back. Yeah. You know where I get my news on TV? TMZ. Do you remember? I love TMZ. That's your only, that's.

No, but I get my news from Reed. Yes. So do I. So do I. But television is a vast wasteland. It really is. So news it is. For news it is.

I mean, not that I, you can't get it, or even, I mean, the nightly news I used to watch religiously and I gave up on that because I did, like, bits on it, how, how, it became just not like what's important. It was like, here's some cool video we have. On an airline, on a Southwest airline, like anything that ever happens on a Friday news, is second, that's not fucking news. Second only to social media,

as far as it's destructive influence. Yes. 24 hour cable news, and I know Ted Turner was like, he was a philanthropist, He was a good guy. He was trying to do something that right. Educate us, make us all more afraid. It just backfired.

It just became like exactly. It's just everything in this country, it seems, you know, going back to, I don't know. Some people would say the Kennedy assassination was when the rot really started. But then, of course, that's a white way to look at it because for Kennedy was civil rights. So for people of color, that's when things started to get better. But definitely the psyche of the country, well, I don't think it's

ever been lower. And yeah, and it's not funny. Like, yeah, things are shit. And then when you actually live your life and see people, like, I know there's a lot of poverty and stuff, but man, there's also just a lot of people fucking ballin' out there. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

And they're not all- And they're not all- And they're not all- And they're not all. And they're not all. And they're not all. And they're not all. And they're not all.

And they're not all. And they're not all. And they're not all. And they're not all. And they're not all. And they're not all. And they're not all. And they're not all.

And they're not all. And they're not all. And they're not all. And they're not all. And they're not all. And they're not all. And they're not all. And they're not all. And they're not all. And they're not all. And they're not all. And they're not all. happiness, but it's so hard to tell, particularly now, particularly in 2023, it's so hard to tell

what social media is on the cusp of evolving into something else. I don't know what it is. AI. Well, yeah. Yeah. Does that concern you? It doesn't, some ways, and it doesn't, in others. AI for enterprises like medicine, I think is gonna be a wonderful thing. I could not agree more. This being almost 68 years old. Trust me. Yeah.

I'm putting all the chips on that. And I think a lot of doctors, doctors that I've spoken to seem to feel the same way, that it's like AI is a tool. Doctors. It's not gonna replace us. It's not gonna replace innovation when it comes to medicine, but it's a AI is a tool. It's not going to replace us. It's not going to replace innovation when it comes to medicine, but it's a wonderful tool that's going to, we're not going to have to sit

there and wait for whatever the hell computations need to get done to come up with a new medicine. Right. It's going to take three years. The AI can do it in three seconds. That's going to be, it's a very different development for an enterprise like that than it is for entertainment. Entertainment? We should be very scared. Doctors that I have blown say the same thing. I'm older, I have to be nicer to doctors. Well, I mean, listen. I'm always being very nice to them.

Yeah, you got me with that much medical care. You're gonna cash along, won't do it. I'm telling you, doctors, I used to have one doctor in my, you know, rolodex or whatever we had back then. No, I got like 50. Yeah, yeah. It's good though. Well, you know why?

Because you need various opinions. Yes. Because they don't agree with each other. They don't agree with each other always, no. No. You have to have multiple points of view. I have someone who I pay only to be a medical researcher. Really? Yes. Just a brilliant investment. I think.

Going to go online, do their own research. Someone who's a brilliant researcher. Because first of all, I know they make fun of like, you know, what do they call Dr. Google. Well, if you're a brilliant researcher, Dr. Google probably knows more than your doctor. Well, if you're a doctor yourself and you're going on Google, you can call the bullshit from the facts. I don't know if you need to be a doctor. Really? Yeah, I think you could really. I think lots of yes, I think lots of people are not diverged. Yeah, right, exactly. Some of the best medical advice I've gotten has not been from doctors and doctors are very often wrong.

And there's a vast history of showing how wrong they are had have been about everything. But to be a doctor in the first place just requires a certain amount of, like you're going into it knowing that, and that's by the way, that's why they consult with each other. That's why they call their colleagues. There's a lot of guesswork, but it's educated guesswork. Yes, if you're not a doctor, your guess is maybe not going to be as educated as someone who is. But then why are doctors wrong

about so much? Well, we write about a lot too. Yes, and And very often people who aren't doctors have been right or about things. Like what would be an example of that? I would think this country did not allow for natural immunity to be considered. And I know this is a subject dear to your heart. Like even if you had the disease, you still had to get a vaccine.

That's powerful stupid. They don't do that in Europe. They do that here. There's mandatory vaccination and grade and screening. Right, but if you already had the disease, you have natural immunity. We didn't see that. We didn't seem to believe in that. That was debunked, though.

I mean, that's not debunked. I mean, don't you know people who've had COVID four or five times, I do? That's not natural immunity. There's no immunity there. You've had COVID five times. Probably because you had too many vaccines. I didn't have COVID. Did the vaccine gave you COVID?

Well, that's certainly the unscientific about the fact that the vaccine, which does weaken you in order to strengthen you. Says do all vaccines. Exactly. Yeah. But while you're Says do all vaccines. Exactly. Yeah. But while you're in the weakened state, yes, that's why so many people like me got it,

did not have it while the thing was raging and I was taking zero precautions because I was never that afraid of it. But that's anecdotally. I've had everybody else in the world that's anecdotal that, yeah. And I have never had COVID. I get a flu shot once a year. I haven't had the flu in 20 years. Right. Well, I haven't eaten, I don't get in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard.

I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard.

I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard.

I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. I've reduced it in a standard. being hospitalized, not dying if you're vaccinated. Oh, good. Well, but that's assuming all people are alike and that is one of the giant fallacies in your way of thinking, we are not all alike. Yes, I would recommend and have recommended the COVID vaccine for the high-risk people.

Like if you're 90 or fat, get it. Absolutely, you need it. Some people don't. But you had, Jokovic didn't need it. But you had, Aaron Rogers didn't need it. but you had, Aaron Rogers didn't need it. But you had something like 1900 kids who died of COVID.

During the pandemic. No, I don't think that's right. The New York, how many of them died from the vaccine? None. The New York, and the thinking there is, well, probably most kids are not gonna die from COVID. So why bother with the vaccine? Because it's only gonna be a few hundred kids, right?

I don't know how many kids died. That seems very high to me. I know at one point the New York Times grossly talking about misinformation, they had to apologize, they got it completely wrong. She reported something like 900,000 children have been hospitalized and it was like 63,000. So maybe those facts should be that. Papers can get it wrong and they print retractions. And also, with COVID or from COVID, did 1900 children die with COVID? Yes, it's a whole different story. Okay, but it takes 7 million people worldwide, 7 million people worldwide who died from COVID. Like if even just a fraction of that is, and it's probably a larger fraction who died of COVID than who died with COVID.

Even if even just a fraction of that is, that's still a lot of fucking people. That's a lot of fucking people. Yes, and, but why? Okay, but some people, that's seven million people. The things are, and you cannot prevent that. You can though, I mean, you can prevent.

At what cost? What's the cost of getting a vaccine? What why is why? What's the fact that you don't have a clue? What's the cost of getting a vaccine? You know the answer to that. No, you're you're you you completely want to shut your eyes to the fact that there are repercussions to all medical interventions, including a vaccine, all vaccines that come, they say side effects just like every medication does. You can see it in the literature, they can't write it on the vaccine, so you have to dig them.

And of course, there is a vaccine court because so many people have been injured. This is not a screed to say, don't do vaccines. I'm not against doing vaccines. I'm against doing vaccines that I don't think I need. I should be able to decide that for myself inside my body. But yes, there are, there are, but how should you think that would come along that I would fight you for? But don't you think that that vaccine, that's a good point.

To get the vaccine. And you bring me to my next point. Don't you think that the vitriol and the aggression towards the anti-vaccination movement, when it's souped itself up during all this, that the next time there is a pandemic, our public health system is so weakened. Yes, exactly. Because of them, and they're fucking misinformation that made people skeptical. In fact, everybody came out and said, if you get the vaccine, you cannot get the disease,

and then of course that was wrong. And if you get the vaccine, you can't transmit it. But they were learning right on side. I understand. They're not, they, you just said yourself. Doctors are often wrong. They are. Especially when they're researching a drug disease. And I am not blaming them for it. I'm just said yourself doctors are often wrong They are especially when they're researching a

And I am not blaming them for it. I'm just saying that's why there shouldn't be the science. There's no Science that's what you want you want just to be the one The strength and you don't know the strength of science is that it has a capacity to evolve But just acknowledge that some that vaccines, have ill effects on some people. I, I, they do. I can't anecdotally. Statistically, it's here and it's here. It's like, it's, it's, it's, people, how many, seven million people died of COVID, how many people died from the vaccine? Probably.

Well, okay. A few. But, but, I don't know what the number is, but I know we were more judicious about who needed it versus who it might hurt, which would not be the blanket policy of just everybody one size fits all, then probably we could take down the damages from the vaccine that happened. But then why vaccinate for anything? And let's take down the why vaccinate for measles?

Why not why vaccinate for months of Rebella? For Tussis. Why why vaccinate for any other things? Because somebody might get hurt by the vaccine. I mean, why why do those vaccines because COVID is newer? Well, COVID is newer. Yes, it's, but is that the only reason? I mean, this was, by the time you got the vaccine,

I don't know if you had it, but by the time I got the vaccine, this was the most tested vaccine in the history of vaccination. Yes, I had it. Because I had to get so many people vaccination. Yes, I had it. So because I had to get it. So many people by that point had had it. It's like, the time I got into my arm, it's like, all right, I think I'm gonna be okay.

Okay, well, I just so you know, I took one for the team. Okay, so, you know, that should go into it. I did something I did not want to do. Well, we have to talk about this all night. And I'm still gonna get my blow job. Yeah. How many guys do you think yet you have to blow before you're officially gay? No, really. I'm asking you. I mean, yeah,

look, man, in 2023, anything goes. I mean, what time is it? Put a number on it. How many guys you have to blow before you're officially gay? Oh God, can I phone a friend? Just tell me the number. Before you're officially, I mean, I have to ask my cousin. Just say a number. Before you're officially gay. Just say a number. A 2023 estimate or like a 2000 estimate.

Yeah, it's a two days estimate. Like pre-Bush V-Gore. I don't know, that's a tough one because you're... Because you're... Right, well, they made me... I have a punchline. But if you would, it's a guy in number. Oh, God, what do you want me to say?

Oh, one. One. Okay, there we go. There we go, I'm so sorry. You set me up and it's like, God, and you're such a trooper about it. Club random is brought to you by the audio marketing Garouza Radioactive Media.

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to get started. That's noblegoldinvestments.com slash random. You know I had a peanut butter jelly before I came here today actually. What? noblegoldinvestments.com slash random. You know, I had a peanut butter jelly before I came here today, actually. What? Why? Is anyone gonna be drinking? That's the worst thing you can, I mean, why?

What's the peanut to gross? They're fungus-y and they're just, the peanuts are not healthy. It's a gross. The peanuts are gross as fuck. And I won't be sponsoring this podcast, but pay a net. But you know, like peanuts? I'm not saying that's all I can say. I'm not saying that's all I can say. I'm not saying that's all I can say. I'm not saying that's all I can say. I'm not saying that's all I can say.

I'm not saying that's all I can say. I'm not saying that's all I can say. I'm not saying that's all I can say. I'm not saying that's all I can say. I'm not saying that's all I can say. I'm not saying that's all I can say. I'm not saying that's all I can say. I'm not saying that's all I can say. I'm not saying that's all I can say. I'm not saying that's all I can say. remarkably well for someone who likes sugar as much as you do. That's yours. Yeah.

Yeah. Because I haven't been in the sun since the sixth grade. That helps too. Yeah. I stupidly was when I was younger and dumber and dumb. But I thankfully, like, like everything in life with me, I get too late. I just don't, I get up late.

Everything comes late. No, you don't, you don't want to get married, right? Correct. You don't ever want to get married. Well, I don't, I certainly, marriage and like being with somebody, you know, steadily is two different things. I certainly don't see the need to bring the federal and state government into my love life.

That's point. That's kind of, that's kind of fun, though, right? Isn't it, you get to have the nice ceremony and well this you know as many to do that chicken dance many people Upwind you doubt a little bit softer now a little bit louder now you get to do all that Shout that one yeah No like everybody likes you know Jeff and Brenda, you know, you all it's all wonderful everybody likes a wedding Nobody likes marriage. You're not necessarily up up to now. Here's here's wise that it's all wonderful. Everybody likes a wedding. Nobody likes marriage. Not necessarily up to now.

Here's wise that it's, oh, I just touched your foot by accident. Yeah, that's how they, that's how they, that's how they, that's how they signal each other in memory. Larry Craig, do you remember that scandal? Senator Larry Craig of Idaho. No, no. He was a Republican Senator, very anti gay. Yeah.

Family, yeah. And he was doing this, and they caught him doing this in the bathroom at the Minneapolis airport, which was known to be a gay meeting place. And he said, well, I have a wide stance. That is as excuse that his foot was halfway under the other stone. Wow. And he was a Republican senator from Idaho.

Lord. Mary Craig. Remember that Senator Larry Craig? No, no. That was like 2007, something like that. Gary Condit. Gary Condit. Yes.

It was too. In the midst of a scandal when 9-11 happened. Who fucked the intern? Yeah. And no one ever talked about it again. No. Because 9-11 happened. Did. Yes, you're right. It was like, right. There was this day in the family guy writer's

room. We were all like just of course, like everyone shell-shocked just sitting there. There's just a dark Paul over the whole, you know, we were back at work for the first days. Is it 9-11? No, since 9-11. It's 9-11. And one of the writers, one of the writers out of nowhere just goes. That makes more sense. He goes, he know the one person who's having a good day. Right. Very content. That's right.

It's like, oh, that's true because they just, they're just forgotten. But I remember. I have been around enough guys who had not bad marriages, but marriages that they rushed into and they were they didn't, you know, like look at Clooney. Clooney is a guy who did it right. He waited until the time was right and to marry. Yeah, and he has a successful marriage. But I don't think, well, first of all, no one knows.

Let me tell you something. I just, no one ever knows. But they're still married. Okay, but I just went through this with somebody. And I've been through it with many others, but close friends of mine married couple who I, and I am not a young or naive man, would never have guessed married couples are geniuses

at hiding it until it absolutely blows up. Because they don't, they do not want other people to think that they're not having a good time. So when they're out together, they are fucking Academy Award winners. And then it's like, and everybody goes like, what? I thought they were so happy.

Marl Streep's been living on her own for six years. They've been screaming about their happiness on Instagram. Right. What better excuse to get out of going places than to be married? I'm so I can't, I got, we got the kids. Like, and no one asks, like, my married friends, like, hey, do you wanna come to this thing this weekend?

I can't, you know, we got the kids. And that sentence doesn't mean anything. It also works. We need to get the kids. Yeah, I know you have kids. What does that have to do with you coming out? It also works the other way. Spouses drag their partners to things

they don't wanna to go to. Yeah, but if you're lucky, if you're lucky, I've seen this marriage as well, you're a couple, and neither one of you wants to be there, but you know you have to go and so you spend the whole time in the corner just shitting on people. Yeah.

Now those people wouldn't love. That's a kind of marriage I want. What do you make of watching movies or shows with a romantic partner? It can tell you a lot. It's a huge part of it. Yeah, it is. Because like, okay, there's a certain amount of time

fucking, but that's, you know, like time wise, it's not a giant clock eater at our age. I mean, it's, hopefully it's quality, but you know, you're not gonna, you're not gonna do it around the clock, you know, like time wise, it's not a giant clock eater at our age. I mean, it's probably it's quality, but you know, you're not going to, you're not going to do it around the clock. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So then there's eating. Yeah. Yeah. You know, with me, it's like, you're going to watch. It's like, it's like how you react to Jody Foster's speech at the end of contact is a big one. If you, if that's, if that fucking hit you,

the way it hits me, we're gonna work out. Contact, is that the one with Matthew McIntyne? Yes, yes. As a scientist? Okay, that's where it lost me. Just, just, and I like him, but like, he just doesn't read his, something, but just, well, no, no, he's, no, you did not play it.

So he played a, he played a pastor. No. Yeah. I thought this was a one, he played a pastor. No. Yeah. I thought this was a one. She played the scientist. Oh, okay. Jodie Foster played the scientist. She was dating Matthew McCann.

That makes more sense. Who played the pastor. He's a pastor. He's a pastor in the movie. No, he's good in that movie. I like him. He's good. A lot of things.

She's exceptional in that movie. She's, she's, that's just a brilliant. No, there is a movie where he's a scientist. Oh, you're thinking of it in a, it's something on the other planet we gotta go. There's still the, yes, the crops are dying. Who could save us? All right, all right, all right.

Yeah. There was, you know, come on. The thing about that movie, and I, again, there's a lot I liked about that movie, where that movie, the thing that hooked me and puzzled me about that movie, the thing that hooked me and puzzled me about that movie, there's that scene where they get out of the water planet.

And they come back up to the ship and because the time differential, the time differential, Jesus fucking vodka, they get back up to the ship and 23 years of past in space, right? Am I remembering that correctly guys? I mean, I don't remember. And so the guy on the ship is like, hey, it's good to have you back.

And it's like, wait a minute, that's the movie. That's the whole movie. You've been waiting for 23 years. The whole rest of the movie. Right. Like, what did you do right a book? Can you paint now? Well, did you see passengers?

Yes, I didn't see passengers. I didn't think they brought it off great. I think the actors are good. And you know, there's a lot that's entertaining and some flood. The premise I loved, if people don't know that he woke her up and got really good at her life because he didn't want to hang out by himself. You could have done it as a comedy.

You could have. Right. That's a, oh, hey. Okay, here's the plot of people. So they're on a ship that we have to get out of Earth because Elon was right. We're right fuck the planet, mostly because of the yachts of the billionaires. Okay. So we have to find another planet. It's 90 light, the light years away or somewhere.

So no, no, I didn't have any light years away. Far. So they have to put you to sleep for 90 years. So they put you in suspended animation, like how they could ever really do that, but maybe they could, okay. So one guy wakes up his fucking pod, this fire, so he's like, whoa,

hey, we're at the planet already. And he looks around and he talks to the computer. It's like, no, we got 90 years. So he's like, Oh, I'll be 120 when we get there. So he spends a little time trying to get over it. And he's like, I'm going to wake up the hottest day. I can find on this. In reality, the rest of the movie, she's pissed as fuck at him. Right. She's pissed as fuck like you could play this, I signed up for this

thing because I wanted to go to super Mars. But by the way, maybe that's like, maybe that's the next Hollywood, maybe that's a thing. Like, we take movies that are written as dramas, and you remake them instead of rebooting, you remake it as a comedy. I mean, right? Many would not work that way. But it would be, you know, you're remaking as a comedy. I mean, right? Many would not work that way, but somewhat. But it would be a... Yeah, you're not gonna do like Shindler's list, but you're gonna... You're gonna take something like passengers.

Ah. That's... Not gonna do Philadelphia, yeah? No, you're gonna, you're gonna, no. What's like a go-to movie that you would watch with? Oh, that part. Somebody you're dating. Seeing how much someone who's never seen something,

you love so much, is now loving it for the first time. Yeah, that's, that's an enormous, I mean, regardless of who you're showing it to, that's an enormous pleasure. I love that. It is. I mean, this could be like my friend of mine who I work with and I'm like, you've never seen that movie. Like, that's a great joy because it's, because in I'm like, you've never seen that movie. That's a great joy because it's because in a weird way, you take ownership of a movie emotionally that you love. Like you take a movie, like contact with one of those movies. Tutsi is one of those movies. Like you run into somebody who hasn't seen Tutsi. It's like, oh my god, this is one of the comedy writers, holy grails. And they hold up. They do hold.

And it's very good because, you know, the younger generation needs to understand that we're not a bunch of squares. I think they do. I think I do too. You know, it's in working on just one minute. And I think sometimes they will. It's like working on Ted. There was a breadth of, I mean, you're talking about like a breadth of demographics.

Every generation was represented on that show. And I do have to say, like, yes, the millennials take a lot of shit for being super sensitive about stuff, and maybe it's true. I don't know. That's a generalization of that. Well, you know it's true,

because that's complaining about shit you do. But I'll say, it's interesting like the the Gen Z People on our show were very much in line comedically With like the Gen Xers and like there was there was a lot of willingness to kind of laugh about stuff that they wouldn't necessarily laugh about in reality they could separate Comedy from actuality which is which is but it's not a big part of it. It's not a, you can joke about things that would horrify you and realize.

But these are people who are working on a Seth McFarling project. Of course, they're going to feel that way. This is not a some like representative slice of, I think yes, but they have friends and they're, they're, but people their age, they talk to and feel the same way of according to them.

Yeah, I think they do. I don't know. I think they get a bad rap and I think it's, I think it's, it's not necessary. You know what I love about them is that they can really take a punch. Like whenever you say what's wrong with their generation, I've never heard one who like

recoiled and said, we are not like, no, you spend too much time on social media. I know. Yeah, there's a will. I know. There's a self deprecating and it would look for me it was the same way. It's like when when Jan X was in their 20s, it's like we were just getting pounded like you're a bunch of slackers. Like everyone was the principal from back to the, like you're a bunch of slackers. Like everyone was the principal from back to the future.

You're a bunch of slackers. You'll never amount to anything. And we just heard it over and over and over. And it's like it got to be a joke. And I think there's a lot, I think we're much more similar than we are different. Yes, that's true. We certainly are both addicted to consumption.

Yeah. That's why I get pissed when I hear these nihilists say like nothing works anymore. The government's broken. It's like the government is not broken. Look, we are electing. The system works. You're putting the wrong people in it.

It's like buying a Porsche and putting diet coke in the gas tank. Yes, of course it's not gonna work. But let's just knock it all down and set really, how many generations of people worked to build civilization? And also, hours is the one that's going to knock it all down, really. Also, no perspective about how good they have it here. Even people who have it bad here have it way better than people who have it bad anywhere

else. And a lot of people have it bad anywhere else. And a lot of places it's mostly bad. That was, that was, was it Obama? I guess it was Obama who pointed out that if you knew, if you died and you knew you were going to be reincarnated, but you didn't know at what period of time, what era, what race you were going to be, what country you were going to be reincarnated. Where would you want to be and when would you want to be? And most people would say, yeah, here now. Right. Because that's, that's, that's right. What a great way to put it. Yeah. And it's, and there's truth to that. A lot of truth. And it's great that he said it. Yeah.

No, really, because if, and that's one thing that's terrible about our dialectic now. If we said it, and it would be no less true, something is no less true because of who says it or when they said it. I remember when I got fired after 9-11, around a Huffington said, I mean, if it's, I'm innocent and it's Donald Trump, then yeah, it does matter who says it when they.

Yeah, yeah, okay. Yes, I'm, wait, am I going to defend Trump? No, of course. But like, I remember I'm so glad we're not there yet. After 9-11, Ariana Huffington said, what, it built, what, it was, it was true on September 10th, it's true on September 12th, and she was right. Yeah. You know, as dead on.

That's a terrible Greek accent. It's like Dracula. You're right. Okay. All right. Well, you know, I don't do a nice temple. I was a joke. I could do some impressions.

Oh, can you? Yeah. No impressions on your show? I mean, your real show? No. No. No. What impressions do you do?

Here's the cop from Alice. I can do Murray from Mary Tyler Moore. Oh, really? You're really in my cloud. OK, you'll be Ted. And after he met this girl, he has to want some, and she says, Ted says, Murray, she squeezed my hand, she squeezed my hand.

All right, she squeezed my hand, she squeezed my hand. Ted, she was probably trying to pump some blood to your brain. Hahaha. Wow. It's a pretty good gal, that's a very good gal, McCloud. Yeah. You know, you don't think, you don't know me as well as you. Wow. It's a pretty good gap in the world. That's a very good gap, McLeod. You know, you don't know me as well as you are.

I don't. I really don't. They're all these years. My God. But you're happy. This is just, I think cameras even still on. Is this still a show? No one's here.

Would we need one? Is this why are you even attached to anything? We used to drink, we used to go out and drink, just like for the purpose of drinking. I know, you know, as opposed to the many other purposes. Well, ingesting, fermented, whatever this is. Do you remember that Rolling Stone party we went to? Where was that?

I don't know where it was. It was not the Pacific Design Center, I'll tell you that. But we went together, I think, in a limousine. I remember falling out of the car. We were like so hammered by the Chummy Gutta. There was like a Beatles cartoon where they just plough out of the car. We were like so hammered by the Chumming God. I was like a Beatles cartoon where they just flop out of the car. I don't know. I think it was 20, 11 or something like that. Where would that have been? Was that the one that just the fact

that we like John Favreau was there and you guys got to know who the fuck remember? She was there. But I remember we went and we know just the just the idea of passages in life and how you become a different... You love to meet celebrities, don't you? No. Oh, not anymore. What?

Because there was every party I've been to with you, I remember you were just like, all right, what fun... What fun celebrities are you? Because I was recruiting. Oh, that's why. For Club Random. No, for my show. Yeah, you know, if he's another show besides.

No, I mean, I stopped doing that actually. You know, this is all about this. Well, because. Put it all into this, Bill. Now, no, I stopped recruiting. Oh, okay. Like I used to, yes, you're right. If I was in a celebrity rich environment,

I'd be like, oh, I wanna get Arnold Schwarzenegger on my show. Celebrity rich and that's like, it's phrased that like in this as well. This is iron rich life. Yes. And it worked many times, you know? Like people in this business, first of all, their publicists always are protecting them from me.

So it's very hard to get through the public. People don't want a really. Yes, I'm a scary guy. They don't want to, you know, for some reason, and I'm really not, and I can make you look better than lots of people could ever make you look, but they think it's, and they think, oh, my client is too stupid to do his show. Well, that I can. Which in many cases would be true if you were on the panel, but I could talk to anybody one on one. Look at what we're doing. Yeah. No, it's true. It's true.

Let me ask you this. Because I remember I was on the panel on like for a few times I was on the panel on show. You got to come back and do that. I loved it. But then I was like the guy who came out in the middle. Was that because I was too stupid when I was on the panel? No, no, that's because you're a celebrity.

Because it's not a celebrity-driven show. Well, we don't do that segment. Well, it's Salmon Rushdie. That's not a celebrity. No. He Well, we don't do that segment. Well, it's Salmon Rushdie. That's not a celebrity. No. He's an author. Come on, you. But that was, we don't do that segment anymore.

I don't know why. You don't. You don't do the middle. You haven't seen the show since we stopped doing that? Wow, I thought you were my fan. I thought you used to use it to tell me you love my show. Oh, God. You haven't seen the show that you haven't missed a lot.

Yeah. Why? Yeah. Why don't you do the first show back? I'm in. Count me in. Oh, good. I'm in.

It's the day before my birthday. It's the day before my birthday. Great. Happy birthday. I love it. It's the only time. I'll be 41. Go and you talk.

You'll be 41. When is it? It's a... I think it's January 19th. Oh, yeah. It's perfect. Oh before he won. You go and you talk, you'll be 41. When is it? It's a, I think it's January 19th. Oh, yeah, it's perfect. Oh, we're driving with it. I texted my publicist before, right before I came here and funny, I didn't know I said this. Is this show live or is it to tape?

To tape. To tape. I think I actually said to tape. Yeah, but you know, I would have come even if it was live. I'm not trying to wrap things up. I'm enjoying myself. Really? Yeah, are you know, I would I would have come even even if it was live. I'm not trying to wrap things up I'm enjoying myself really yeah, are you serious? Yeah, cuz I'm fucking sitting here. What do I get? I I gotta be somewhere at 7 30, but that's that's all I got oh 6 30 when we we have been dinner at one of the swanky restaurants where Jay Gatsby goes to I'm

Jay Gatsby goes to, I'm charismatic and all get, and show people all your, your Riz. Isn't, which is of course, a short for charisma. It is. Yeah. And I love one of the kids do that. They take something in.

But we don't tolerate Zah. You have an a pizza, no, I'm having a Zah. No, I mean, it's just charisma. No, it's Riz. It's just, we didn't tolerate that. Why should we tolerate mean, it's just charisma. No, it's really. It's just different. We didn't tolerate that. Why should we tolerate this? You know, we used to say that's hot.

Yeah. They say that's fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See how they just completely improved on that. It's a reboot. It's just a reboot. It was IP that got retooled. I would love to do a show with kids,

like talking to kids. Like, were your dresses a clown? No, no, that's on Saturday. Like, no, you want to be a art link letter. That would be hilarious. It really would be. If your art link letter... It would be. Kids which kids say the darnedest things,

pick it up. But not like, well, yes, I think all ages. But because I think it's fast and any to talk to them when they're young and also when they're old enough to really understand everything. Because a 15 year old is not like when I was 15. I mean, I grew up and leave it to Beaverland and had the most protected sort of innocent.

And I mean, mine was just 60s, you know, you're 70s. I mean, yeah, I mean, well, America has come a long way. I mean, 80s, but sure, yeah, let's go back. 80? Well, you're 74, you're born? 73. See, you are 50 this year?

So every time I do this, I'm blocking the camera. You look great, by the way. Thank you. You're really doing it. Oh, my God, thank you. I didn't know how you did. Diary. Jackpot.

You actually look better now than you did it when that was, I think people sometimes, people really grow into you. First of all, becoming a man is a long process, like a real man. When you become a man, you know that's on? It's Matt Monroe. Matt Monroe.

The world is eager to tell you so. Oh, there's one other thing. Keep reminding me of things at the end of this. That you will, only you will appreciate. And so this today I left my head off. Oh, Seth has a deep cringing disdain for anything trendy. And when I say trendy, I mean after 1960. At the Grammys last year, Seth's choice for best newcomer was Jack Jones.

I don't trust those Brady kids. Jack Jones. Come on, man. Member Jack Jones. I sure do. Saying the love boat. Yeah. Right.

Yeah, Jack Jones. Remember we sang at your party? Yeah. Star. A song, a sonatra song that I did not know until you introduced me to. You're welcome. Yeah. And it's so awesome.

If the ladies what I got charming. If the ladies shaker than chic. If her escorts must know I'm fucking must wear a topper and eat man. Exactly how good man of the week. If she rides around in a brand new foreign car, the chances are the ladies are star. Yeah. See, there was a part that I needed you to cover me where I can't sing, because I'm not a singer and you are. But I was there with you on Jay-La.

Yeah. I thought we did pretty well. We were fine. We were fine. No, we were. No, we were fine. No, I'm kidding. I'm not doing the Jack Tripper thing.

Just kidding that we're fine. No, no, we were good. He loved it. He loved it. He was so delighted. It also sounds like a backhanded comment. No, no, he loved it. No, I'm not so delighted. Also sounds like a backhanded comment. No, no, he loved it. No, I'm not surprised.

That's a credit. That photos from that night in my, in my den. I do too. Yeah, I should have brought it in with the rest of my show and tell. Hey, you know what? It's in this camera. Yeah, exactly.

No, that way, I remember we rehearsed. Yeah. If people don't know in 2014, I think this was Jay was retiring, retiring, put out to pastor for the crime of being number one twice. They fired him twice for being number one. And he took Jay Leno being Jay Leno. Yeah, I'm saying man, that's fine. You know, everybody ain't friends. And it's like, anybody else is a very nice guy. Everybody else would have been so better. Yeah.

But he just went on and did all the shows. And so I said, I got into something for Jay. I'm on the week before he leaves. And I said, let's do thanks for the memories. My guys worked on it with me. We rewrote the lyrics. I wish I could remember any of them, but we sang thanks in Tuxedo's to Jay Levin.

Oh, and it was a surprise. And it was a TV moment, you know. I'm so glad I have that memory with you. Carson got betmiddler, he got us. I said that when I was setting it up, it's my team member. I said, God, do I have any original thoughts? No, no, well, it's the natural thought

because betmiddler did it. But I remember I said to Jay, do I have any original thoughts? No, no, no. Well, it's the natural thought, because Bet Middler did it. But I remember I said to Jay, I wanted to sing something. So I called Bet Middler and the audience was like, ooh, she wouldn't take my call. So I bet it called Seth Middler. So we have this writer who acts. Well, you must be excited for 2024. Oh, I can't get over it.

Yeah, I'm, why are you really, are they mic the people your team laughing in the better? They just, are we getting like, you know, out of laugh track? Is going to be like, maybe R F D. We're just funny. Yeah. Yeah. No, I know we're so funny. It seeps out of rooms far away. I just want the audience to know that it's funny. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm not pretty funny. It seeps out of rooms far away. I just want the audience to know that it's funny. And I don't think they will, if they don't hear

something, this is a podcast. We're not working. Oh, it is. We're not working to an audience. Oh, okay. I spent a fortune building this place in such a way that nobody else is in the room. What, what, what, you see,

so that what did you spend on this place? Well, the place was here. Yeah. But lighting it, cameras, so that we never feel like we're being watched. Yes. Yeah. And nobody else in the room, I want us to be just like we always are. Yeah. My whole career has been trying to like get reality onto television, which is very difficult. And I can't fully ever do it on real time. As much as I love real time the most, it's my baby, it's my children, this is my mistress, but you can't.

But, you know, what do you think about this, because this is interesting, like watching, because we've been friends for a long time, and, because we've been friends for a long time. And, because you're politics evolve and change over time. And I don't, issues change.

I agree with you on a lot. I agree with you on a lot more than I disagree, but I do disagree with you on. And that's why you can't watch the show anymore. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I can't. I can't. No, no, no, no. You can watch somebody you don't agree with. Of course. Okay. Of course. I mean, God, I can watch Charlton Heston movies. Right. Well, you know, again, if you'd ever seen the show recently, I talk about this a lot. I talk about a lot, the idea that, yes, things change. I pretty much stay the same, old school liberal,

but then people will say, you're more conservative. Well, no, actually, I didn't change. I'm the old liberal who believes that, you know, we should strive for a colorblind society. I didn't change the rules too. No, let's see color everywhere in every situation. That's what the woke do. So because I didn't follow you there,

doesn't mean that I changed. That changed. I mean, I'm old school Obama, like what you were talking about. That guy does not, that's what Tim Scott now sounds like, and he's a Republican. Like, my story isn't possible in any other country,

and that kind of, you don't find that anymore on the left, on the far left. I also, I think it's a multi-faceted evolution. I think social media and the rise of social media in the way it's rewired our brains has changed the way certain people on the left perceive you, whether they know it or not. I think there are things that you, boy, I'd love to pull you back over to, you know, go get the shot with me. No. I got it.

I told you. I got it. But I do think there are things that, yes, the left has changed. And I mean, if you, I'm sure you read Jonathan Hate. I'm sure you're reading. Love him too. Absolutely. Yeah. On him too. Absolutely. Yeah.

On my page. Yeah. On college campuses, the fact that there's a rejection of open debate. Well, I was in college. There were classes that I was in where I, oh, wow, this is an uncomfortable topic. And yet, I'm sure. I'm glad that I was there because it was good for my intellect and what's left of it. And, I mean,

but tell me what we disagree on when you do real time and we'll try to make that the topic because I'd love to, as I mean, I think, I mean, look, I think we disagree on the fact that I think that the public health infrastructure despite being absolutely inadequate prior to COVID, did as good a job as they could have done during COVID. And it pisses me the fuck off when I see people,

shit on them when I see them. I see it must be because you're like, like steered it all the way back to Vatican, like an old, but that's something we disagree with. Like an old married couple, but can't forget, and I looked at that waitress for two weeks. Exactly. Exactly.

Exactly because I'm sorry. I was ordering. What should I do? Look at the ground. Yeah. I'll have the beef stroganoff. And could I get another ice chain? No, I'm just saying.

You're like Bonnie Franklin. She was also a redhead, you know. What's a wife to think? Oh, I can't go out on my own anymore with a... You see, you don't wanna get married. Ha ha ha. No, no, that's what it's gonna be. I mean, not to you. No.

But like... No, I don't want it to get married to you. No. No. But I'm just... It's not the person. It's... It's not the person I don't think mostly. It's the fact that anyone who sees the same person day after day after day after day, you're going to have a erosion of sensitivity and patience

and, you know, things that were charming are going to be tedious at some point. Okay, but what happens when you need help taking a shit? That is the last thing I would want. Anyone who I ever wanted to think of me as sexy to help me with. Right? It's to, I mean, how could you ever have those two things in the same relationship? Well, I don't know, you get old enough and maybe it just becomes a necessity. What do you mean help?

I think it's shit. I don't even know how you do. What do you do, sticks, sticks, something on my ass? I mean, I, I think you're shit. I don't even know how you do What do you do sticks to my ass? I mean I Please I think there's a I think there's a little kit you buy right and then you know you go online Do you watch a YouTube instructional? I don't know I listen. I'm not there. I mean, I don't know You're so far. You're not there even. I'm far from that. I'm not there yet. I don't know. You're so far. Even I'm far from there. I know. It's never gonna happen to me. Oh please, put a bullet in my head. If I'm ever at that place, of course you know what?

You say that when you get there. It's just like a little to the lap. Yeah, that's what, that's what I show up in your ass bill. I've already told me this day will come. Hurge you been having trouble taking a shit. But honestly, you know, I've been already at my age, been down that road to the degree of something I heard about and went, I'll never did that.

I'm glad. Yeah, you will. I'm peeing in Morse code. And then what happens? No. No, three in the morning. No, but, you know, all right. Well, I don't know.

You don't actually want to talk about it. It's going to, but yeah, I mean, sometimes they got to stick some instrument up your dick or something. And it's like, you know, the thing you said, they will never put a camera up my dick. Yeah, they will. Sure they will. And you'll, and you'll like it. It's just for coverage. You'll like it. We'll give you a volume.

You'll like it. Then we just need one more shot. Oh, the camera loves my dick. We're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna need a, sorry, we're gonna need a 17 here. That's a that's a DP joke. I don't know what 17 is when you want something to look. I don't even know this. What is a 17? Well, there's different lenses on a camera. So like if maybe you're dicks too narrow, they would ask for like a We're gonna need a 17. Really? Oh, that's boy. Yeah. Cinematography. I'm outside the circle of who can get this joke. That's a pretty small

Again, I don't think it myself is young or naive and yet I was But yeah, I'm not I've never ever I mean if they say like okay, we got Bill's penis. Let's I'm gonna need a 40 then you're okay Man, it says and they got a director is the best job in the world. It can be. Yeah. It's just, it would be great if the hours weren't so long. Oh, that's the thing that I dread. If it were an eight hour day,

be like, this is a good way. But also, isn't it, like, I mean, the stress of, I mean, the director is basically solving every problem on the movie in every department. We know what? So aren't you solving like a thousand problems today? Here's, okay, you know what, this is stressful. This is a great, this is a great segue

into something that we will agree on, is that yes, a film director's job or a television director's job is essentially to sit there in their little chair with their name on. And to have people from every department, presumably all of whom know their jobs better than you know their jobs. They come to you like, hey, here's 12 choices for this costume

for the next week. And you go, I think this one you have a little discussion with them, they tell you what they think. And generally, more often than not, you go with what they think, because they're the expert. The set designer says, we have this version and this version. Here's why I think this would work. And more often than not, you say, yeah, all right, let's go with this. Sometimes you disagree. And that's like a teeny tiny version of like what the presidency is. And why when you vote for somebody, and this is,

if there's one thing I think has yet to be said about this upcoming election, because we all know it's Trump versus Biden, assuming he doesn't wind up in prison, is that you're voting for a team, that you're not voting for a person, you're electing a team, and you can have a team of people who were selected

for their expertise and selected for their mastery of their individual piece of the puzzle, or you can elect a team that is there to say, yes, Sire, whatever you say. And for me, that's a no-brainer. That's a no-brainer. It's FDR, and I know that Hitler comparisons are no good, but you know, and I know FDR trusted his team, and Hitler was a micro manager. Here's what I don't like about Hitler. Seton says you never hear. Yeah, no. You know what I'm doing? What, first of all, okay, here we go. What don't you like about Hitler?

This thing, like everybody else, but he just, he just kind of phoned it in. Very pretty. That's what you hate the most about Hitler. It's a very privileged. He was like, I mean, by that point, he probably done it a thousand times. Everybody else in your autographs. I remember that.

I remember a family episode. Yes, I'll, okay. Family guy episode where Peter was, which was, where he was assistant. Yeah. He was tossing the gun back and forth. Yeah, it's like a child in the Paris office. And he's like, what are you doing?

Not see stuff. Yeah. Yeah. You remember that? Yes. Yes. Oh, yeah, I was there. I know, but you kind of a lot of,

how many episodes of that show? Oh, it's it's got to be going on Lake high four hundreds. That's close to 500 Yeah, I think real time is probably close to 700. Oh, yeah, I would imagine and I and politically incorrect was over 2,000 because it was on every night For you did that show every night. Yeah, well, no, we had like any show. Did you do a monologue on that show? Yeah, absolutely. So how the fuck? Every night, like it was just like...

I guess like a late night show. It was on, remember it was on after nightline. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was, it started at 12 as opposed to 11, 30 when like leto and whoever the other letterman. But it did very well. Yeah. It did a great, the retention from Nightline was great. And Ted Coppel was no help.

And they had like six minutes of commercials in between shows. They were daring people, not to stay tuned. Now they would do a... Fucking coppill. Exactly. Now, oh, I could tell you this story. He was an asshole. He won't really. Absolutely. About, you know, because he was Nightline story. He was an asshole. He won't really.

Absolutely, about, you know, because he was nightline, was very esteemed, or he was a steam newsman, which he was. I give him that props. But he was so, in 1993, now they're going to put this comedy show on after me. I think he thought it was very undignified. So we had to do one promotional thing, and he was just a dick about it. Just like no help throwing me an anchor kind of thing. Years later he calls up, he was doing some CBS this morning or some show like that and he wanted me to do something and no, I said no, no, no, we finally got on there.

Can you talk to him? I said, okay. So I got on the phone and I said, no, not doing you show. You were a fucking asshole. And, and, and, and, and, and, we talk. You know, he finally convinced me to do it. I'm like, okay, I don't want to be a grudge holder. Yeah. He comes over. We were shooting it right across the way with his place. He can great sound in that house. And he walks in and the dog is barking out here. Park, park, park, park. I walk. The first thing he says to me is, Bill, your dog thinks I'm a dick too. I thought that kind of redeem. Yeah, you know, it was, that's an olive.

Out of Ted Couple. Yeah, and that's a dead on Ted Couple. That's a white dove. That is a dead on Ted Couple. No, it's not. You got Ted Couple. You got the animal McLeod. Godfather. Is that anything else you're holding in your bag? Red Butler. You do a, you do a, a Butler. Red Butler. Is it red or Brett?

Ret. Ret. Ret. You've never seen a God with your wind. Is it? No, you know what? I was thinking about I was thinking of a grace under fire. That's Brett Butler. Yeah. Red Butler was the character gone with the white horse. This is like the worst habit in Castella routine ever. This is the character Clark Gable, what? Brett Butler. Yes. But you, but because you're completely fucking stoned,

I couldn't tell whether there was a B there or not. I don't know. Now I know that there's not. Now I know. So you do a Brett Butler. I don't know who you think is stoned. So let's, so you do a Brett Butler. Let's see that. No, I don't think who you think is Stone. So, so you do a red botler. Let's hear that.

No, I don't think I will kiss you. Although you need kissing and badly. So you see my dear, you've debased yourself to no purpose. Right? Yeah, that's excellent. Why do Japanese girls taste different than all other girls? I found the cure for cancer and I've lost it. Oh, medicine man.

Medicine man. Pretty good showing Connor. Yeah, that's a damn good showing Connery. There was a, there was a, God, I'm, again, I'm doing everybody else's bits here. My friend John Viner, writer for Family Guy, does a great bit with Sean Connery. What do you call those things that you use

to start your automobile? Gakush. What do you call a dead decomposing body? Gakush. And there's one more, and now I can't remember it. And it's like I had something to do with the Middle East. That's a pretty good showing, go on, right? Yeah, that's, well, that's me doing,

I can do Marty McFly and back to the future. I number so back to the future. What? I know. Should I? Never see, you know what this is? This is one of those things. Me, I come here. You gotta come over to the house and we gotta watch, you've never seen back to the future?

Wait, how have you never seen back to the future? Go back to the future. Doc, how have you never seen back to the future? You've never seen back to the future? How have you never seen back to the future? Go back to the future. How have you never seen back to the future? You've never seen back to the future? Go back to come over to the house. Is this another one? How have you never seen back to the future? Isn't that great?

I have a treat left for me. See, that's the thing. I am shocked. It's a perfect movie. It's like, it's like fucking the sound it's a perfect movie. It's like it's like it's like fucking the Santa music or you know or or Night of the generals. Night of the generals. Why? Why? That's a great movie. Yeah, because there was a week where you were watching that on repeat and you kept saying a Watch Night of the generals again today. I did. Yeah. Peter O'Toole. You're watching it over and over and over. Peter O'Toole. Yes, and we had drinks. I said I'm gonna go home watch Night of the Generals.

I was like, you've already watched it. This is writer's embellishment. I definitely did see Night of the Generals. I was not watching it on repeat. Don't say that people think I bill like, it's like a binging Nazi. No, I watched Night of the... You watched it more than once that way.

I did not watch it more than once. This is you added that. I promise you I did not. What if this was the thing that like broke up our friendship? I mean, after all the, why didn't they speak for 20 years? Because there was an argument about how many times Bill watched Night of the Generals

in one week. Nothing can break up our friendship. We're there to the end. Yeah, yeah. Because we've already been through the mill. Right. And we don't, you know, it's like, right, who do you think's going to die first? Well, I hope it's you. I mean, for me, I'm honest, I just, right? I mean, isn't that what we all think? I mean, when you hear about, we're going to outlive the? I mean, when you hear about it, we all hope we're gonna outlive the other. Well, when you hear about someone dying, you know, you're very sad. But if someone put a gun here, it's that would you trade places?

No. Yeah, well, no, it depends on who I am. I mean, I may have quoted this before, but I remember George Harrison documentary when Roy Orbison dies. This is Tom Petty talking about George. Roy Orbison dies. He said, answer the phone. It's George. His first words were, aren't you glad it's not you? And that was beetle less honesty from a guy who was super

spiritual. You know, who like he could have said, he's with the other gods right now. and he's in a better place because his vision of Vishnu has taken him. But no, aren't you glad? And that's, you know, look, we all love other people, but you know, it's a... We all love other people. That's a very, uh, true, is it Eric from? No, that's, you can never love another person unless you learn to love the entire human race. Sweetie from. Sweetie from.

I was thinking, can I come up with that name and I could. Wow. God. Sweetie. I guess I kind of teed that up. Yeah. Squeaky. If you can find the Venn diagram,

I guess it's probably fair amount of people who know who Eric from is and who squeaky from is. Exactly. And but also who get comedy. Right. Then you're right. That works great. And this is a Venn diagram.

That works great. That joke works great for those two people. Yes. My friend Chris Reed is the best for that. He's kid from Kidding Play. Also, he knows everything in rap culture and all that. He also knows every, he's just a voracious consumer of. So like, you know, Sinatra, if you want to make a Sinatra, you know,

Jay Z comparison, he can, I mean, people have made that one. That's a bad example. But like, there's very few people like that who, you know, were also in our silos in our little like niche areas. And that's where it gets interesting when you are, you know, yes. And it's unfortunate it gets interesting when you are, you know, and it's unfortunate because the audiences, they limit us because, you know, I'm not gonna do jokes

that are only band laughs. Right, right. Once in a while. Once in a while you do one for yourself and for that small group because those are probably your most rabid fans. Yeah. So it's always a mixture of, you know, stuff that's those are probably your most rabid fans. Yeah, so it's always a mixture of

you know stuff that's a little broader. Neither one of us either don't think ever gets very broad. That's just not ours. No, you know, we don't we don't we don't have a trunkful of props. Props can be hip but like just the you know the sophistication. I mean, I like to think of us then probably one. I mean, that's adjacent. That's proper, Jason behind you. That's a joke. Is it, this poster of the movie? No, the guy's in the band.

Oh, oh, that's a art piece. That's worth a lot of money. Is it? Yeah, that moves. Does it? Yeah. Is it like cameras? Not of cameras on it?

No, but it's not. You ever turn it on during Club random? No, it's noisy and kind of creepy because of those things. It looks creepy even when it's off. But you could know I can make that band play. Really? If we wish hard enough. No, I can just by plugging it in. I'm telling you.

I got to plug it in. Yeah, but it's an art piece. Not the thing on it. What does it come from? It's not the big Hershey's kiss on the top. No, that's a prop from something else. That doesn't belong up there. It's Club random.

Everything is random here. Okay. That's what it is. Don't bother me. What? Don't bother me. Hey, man, you invited me. I know.

Don't bother me. So glad you came. It's so long enough. It's like every week, I'd be like, what's that movie where Judy Garland is, she's writing to Mr. Gable, you know that she's writing on a head shot of Clark Gable? It's a very famous,

summer stock. I don't know, something like that. I thought you would know. Don't you watch those old movies? Yeah, sure. Yeah. Back to watching movies with your partner. You've never seen back to the fucking future.

You're right, and I've never seen back to the future. Here's what we gotta do. This two things. Why don't we go into your, there's two ballers. That's what I'm saying. Yes. Two things we gotta do.

I gotta, I wanna come do your show again, but you gotta come over. I live like five minutes from you. I'm no kidding. So you got to come over to the house, we'll pick a night and we'll watch, we'll just be two men alone in the screening room watching back to the future.

What could have nothing wrong with that? Nothing you have to problem with that? You're the problem with society. Absolutely, I say the same thing. Yeah. Is there some of you can take, so that if you are roofied, it nullifies the effect of the

drug just asking. Sometimes there are drugs that contradict and I'm just thinking it might be a good idea. No, I remember being in that room and I was watching because it is the old time grade to show cosmos. Yeah. This is so great. And we were wide seeing it, at least twice, all the way through. But this, I think, was the pilot. And it was just like being in the planetarium. And I remember being in the planetarium. Yeah. And it was, you know.

Yeah, that was a lit. That was an important show. My God, we need that show now more than ever. Don't we? That was 10. You know what I loved about that show? That's basically that first season. It's every week.

It's okay. I don't need to drop the joint, but it's fine. I know it's about pot. Is this what I get? It's what? Oh, that's what I got. No, I got to hide. Oh, it's like you want to take it out?

No, no, no, it's fine. Oh, it's felt like it to take it out? No, no, no, it's fine. Oh, it just felt like it was, it's fine. It's all good. So like every week it would, you know, sort of profile a certain scientist the history of science. You know, some of the number ones we had heard of like, you know, Newton, Icer Isaac Newton. And then somewhere like maybe I'd heard the name, but I didn't really know what they did, and somebody never heard of a whole person. Who?

Pat Patterson, who was the guy that said, hey, there's lead in this paint. Pat Patterson was on Rohit. Well, Pat Patterson was a clear Patterson has his name. Pat Patterson was like, no, he just sounds like a guy. It was on Rohit. Okay, so Pat Patterson, however, but they all did like, sounds like a guy, it was unrived. Okay. So, Pat Patterson, however, but they all did, like he discovered, like, you know,

something with light or something that was, it's so important in like having radio and like, these fundamental things and you realize, like, all of the way we live, it is from like, a couple dozen people. Yes. A couple dozen science. Or. A couple of scientists. Or else we would just be wiping our ass with bark.

And by the way, eating roots. Only in the past, like you look at the tens of millennia that passed before the advent of science. And then here comes science, what, four, four, five hundred years ago? Right. Barely five hundred years ago. And suddenly it's like the computer revolution. Suddenly the speed picks up like that. And here we are at Club Random. And with a band that supposedly it by your own admission, I was its own thing. When we go off, I'll play it for you. Yeah, I can't

regret it, but I'll do it. Oh, I'm sure I will, but it's, but it's, but, but, but what does that tell you about that tool and the disregard we have for that tool in 2023 and, and to a certain science, to a certain degree, science, to a certain degree, social trust is a part of science, because I'm sure you're, I'm sure you're a fan of Tom Nichols. No, Tom Nichols. No, no, no, no. Right. He wrote the death of expertise, which is essentially, I've heard of the book.

Yeah. Great book. He writes for the Atlantic a lot. He's a, I think he was a Republican at one point now. He's very much a centrist. And the death of expertise was about the fact that look, we all, this is what civilization is. This is what society is we all try to Pick a a discipline that works for us and we work hard and that's why there are doctors and engineers

Yeah, I don't I don't trust I know another subtle attempt to basically say I have the science and you don't I don't know that there's but without social trust there's so science and you don't. Oh, I don't have the science. Okay, you don't. I don't have the science. Do you know that there's, but without social trust, there's so much that you can't get done. Well, there's, and too much, too much trust is called naivete.

Sure. Okay. So, you know the two years ago, they discovered a bacteria that was naked to the human eye. They had never seen it before. Like, fully naked. Like fully naked. Like fully naked. Like fully naked seen it before. Like, it's not a word. They're fully naked. Again, but then one of the scientists who was describing it said, it would be like finding a human today who was the size of Mount Everest.

Okay. And this was two years. You should have seen me in when I was, you know, 29. Yeah. These are two years ago. I'm just saying, like, enough with the, when have we ever been wrong? And what information could be possibly lack? We're at the intensity. I don't, we're at the intensity of understanding

the ones that you think you have a misconception of the way most scientists think. I don't. I don't think scientists, when have I ever been wrong? The whole idea. No, but they want to shut up everybody else who doesn't exactly, I never could. But that's why it works.

That's why it works. That we're shutting people up. Within the scientific community, that's why it works. Because if you put something out there that's wrong, 10 other scientists will come along. We don't know what's wrong. 10 other scientists are going to come along and say, that's wrong. I tell you, I tell other scientists, we're gonna come along and say, that's wrong. And here's why, and this guy is great. Okay, but it's a shame.

But it's a self-policing enterprise. What you don't get to do is you don't get to be Sean Hannity debating Bill Nye or debating Dr. Larry Brilliant, you don't get to be like that person debating because you didn't put the work in. No, I agree, not Sean Hannity, but 16,000 doctors and scientists. You're going to give me the great barrington declaration. Correct. First of all, it was 6,000.

No, it was 16,000. Wasn't 16,000? Yes. Okay. Signed something that basically was. Are you sure about that? Yeah. 16,000.

You want to look that up? Yeah, I don't have to, but we can. And anything could be wrong because again, I am not the kind of person. Okay, but here's two things open to new information. I know I know. Okay. Well, here's a new information about the great barrington declaration, which which for people who don't know was put out by 6,000 or 16,000 if we both weren't drunk or high, point is a lot a lot a lot of a lot of drunk or high. Point is a lot, a lot, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a were like, now's the time to letter rip. It's like being, you know, a month out from the end of World War I and saying, this is the time to really fucking fucking, let's let it all, let's let it all cut that part out. Let me go back. Let me go back. This is

the, this is the, this is the alcohol talking. I won't. Two months before the first vaccines emerged, the great barrington declaration came out and these doctors said, we should just do what was Sweden, do what Sweden did, let it rip, let the disease run wild because this will be good for people's immunity. There were a lot of fake names on the great barrington declaration. There's a Dr. Johnny Bananas on there. He's good. He's good. He looked at my gout. He consults with Dr. Vinnie Bonbots. Funded, funded in part by the National Institute for Economic Research,

which is funded by Charles Koch, the Koch brothers. He wore me down. So there's an agenda there. I can't anymore. I wore you're right. Can we stop talking about maybe not the most reliable. Okay. Well, the point is let's forget the great baron. I don't need the great baron to declaration. There is a ruling. I don't know you're a great bird. I don't. I don't need any of you. You know what I have. You know what Missouri versus Biden was? No. Now you tell, you educate me? Right, well see, because if you weren't in your bubble,

you would have known that too, but things like that don't get in when you're just looking for the information you already want to think you believe. Okay, but the Biden, a very big court ruling this year, which said that the media companies colluded with the government to keep information out of our hands. Missouri versus Biden, look it up, man, look it up.

And that's exactly what happened. I mean, the New York Times, what was the... Well, like, for example, the New York Times, their Pulitzer Prize winning health reporter, they canned because they wanted to look into maybe the origins of COVID were in a lab in Wuhan, China, which, of course they very well may have been. I said from the very beginning, this should not be a political

issue. It could have started from the wet markets. It could have started in the lab. Let's not politicize it. They did. Now, even Biden administration admits, yes, it might have been coming from a lab. But the New York Times wouldn't let you hear that information. Yeah. Yeah. That was misinformation. See, that's a danger in saying misinformation because tomorrow, that's what misinformation might be yours. What's fucked about that? And again, I'm sure there was a conversation behind the scenes that went on in this regard, is that when you hear originated in a lab, you think, oh, it was cooked up by scientists. It was cooked up by people as a weapon.

Like when I think in a lab. No, when I think in a lab. No, when I think in a lab. And this story is a weapon, studying it. But the average person, the name here, exactly, but the average person doesn't think that. They think made in a lab, they think, oh, this is a bio-weapon.

Who keeps a fuck with they think? We're talking about government policy. They vote. OK, but they're not, I don't know what they're voting on because I lost track of this, but if they're voting on the idea that the virus could have started in a lab, prop, my theory is it probably did, I don't think they intentionally let it out, but it's also not completely impossible that the government of China would do that. Government of China does a lot of awful things.

And that's why the New York Times wouldn't cover it. And there are reporters that someday we're going to look back at this and understand that we shouldn't have been looking at it at all because it's racist. Racist because they're Chinese, they're perfect people because they're Chinese. Here's okay. And here's where it is. That's where the woke are. Okay, well, I'm not telling anything you don't already know.

But at this point in time, when the people who are most likely to dismantle democracy would love nothing more than to hear use, and I'm, look, I'm not going to comment on something that I haven't researched. You're too tribal. I'm really part of the tribe. I can't at all. I'm sorry that I can't always say the thing that will not piss to contradict myself. I don't know. I don't know. I would have to go on my phone after this interview. Wow. I don't know what Bill was talking about. I guess I should look into it, which I do all the time.

It's like, I'm not stupid enough to say yes, is that possible. But it's, but we are living in a time where we're caught in this, in this neutral zone, but we're not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not stupid enough to say yes, is that possible. But we are living in a time where we're caught in this neutral zone between the people who

would love nothing more than to see the end of prize at the press dismantle completely, gone. And so I'm a little more forgiving of mistakes than maybe I have been in the past because I don't want to see that happen because I do believe the press is the fourth estate. I do believe the press keeps a good, a good bit of checks and balances when it comes to politicians. The press, the press is the- The press is the- The press is the- The press is the- The press is the- The press is the- The press is the- The press is the- The press is the- The press is the-

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The press is the press is the press- The press is the press is the press- The press is the press is the press- The press is the press- The press is the press is the press- The press is the press is the press- The press is the press- The press is the press is the press- The press is the press is the press- The press is the press is the press is the press- The press is the press is the press- The press is the press is the press is the press-� The press is the press's the reporting in the Wall Street Journal is solid. That's a conservative, I don't think Fox News is solid, but I think the Wall Street Journal is respectful. Well, but the problem with the media, the world we live in now is that they're not just the liberal press.

Okay, but the problem with any press, but definitely including liberal press, is that when I hear something, I'll go, okay, you know what? What you're saying is probably true, but it's half the story. Yeah. That's, I don't trust either of them. And that's, and that's, well, okay, okay, you're just telling me the part that you're in there. But to say, you don't trust either of them is like, do you, it's like, I don't trust the New York Times

or Fox News. I don't. You can't equate those two though. I don't. I don't equate those two. Okay, good. Thank God. Never did, made that point many times.

Yeah, all right. Good, good, good. Now if I had watched your fucking show, I'd know this. Exactly. Do you have to get to dinner? I don't want to hold you about. I hold you about 715. I don't want to hold you about 715. I don't want to hold you, but I would do this until I had to pee. Do you have to pee? No. You don't? No. Okay. Neither do I. But that was the only. But you're healthy, right? I, oh my God.

What? Yes. No. Well, that was a left turn. I am healthy. I am healthy. I am healthy. You know, Bill, it's you're looking. I was going to announce it at some point. It might as well do it on this show. You're pregnant. Man, you can get pregnant now. Don't say different. I'm pregnant. Yeah. No, I'm healthy as far as I know. Yeah, I just did the had a physical twice a year because I'm a crazy person. I'm not crazy. That's not crazy. Yeah, it depends. Well, it depends. I mean, there are things that they can do during a physical that would be deleterious to your health, right?

Right. X-rays and things like that. Yeah, I don't need that finger in my ass every time. Not every time. Sometimes a three in the morning, how many times you get a call? How many times do you get a call? How many times do you get a call? And it's like, okay, just want to make sure the prostate's okay.

What the fucking time is it? How many times do you get a prostate check and enjoy it before your gay Five there you go see yeah, yeah ready ready for you See That was a nice little nice little squeak squeak. That was real delight right there. That was a delighted laugh. You've always been a delightful person. Oh, I just noticed.

Yeah, this is from the movie I was in. It sits in this room. If anything belongs in Club random, it is a sign that was a cute card from a million ways to die in the West. Brilliant concept, by the way. I always told you that. I know you're out there. I can smell cow vagina because I was the comic in the movie in a scene and my dear friend, Mark Monto, played the cute card guy holding

my cute cards out. And the cute cards, of course, they're big pieces of wood because it's the frontier era. Right. But not only that, you came to set with additional jokes. Oh, I wrote that. My guys worked a lot. They're like, I think like three jokes from the script. Oh, yeah. And then you came to make a stack of fucking... You said you wanted a monologue.

Yeah. The only thing I injected you about this is an implies. See, this is a saver. I know you're out there. I can smell cow vagina. It implies that I can't add it. Shouldn't it be smell the cow vagina? No, it's too late for rewrites because it's exactly the way it should.

Okay. I can smell cow vagina. Great. But I've always treasured this. And there's a whole bunch of them. I looted it from this. Oh, good. I'm so glad because I don't know where the other ones are.

No, you gave it to me. Oh, thank you. You also gave me once, I mean, I could probably, Oh, it's called Quagmire. I mean, you have the original Quagmire sketch. It's from a hundred years ago. You would not believe what this got on eBay. I think that's appropriate.

This place looks like Quagmire's home. Right. It's in my home. It's right in, it's in the most prominent place it can be. And I don't care what they offer me on eBay. And the number keeps going up. Look Bill at a certain point, don't be stupid. Now I'm sure it would fetch a fortune and I would not sell it for anything. I mean the neon bill alone. No, I could be living under the underpass and I would have that with me.

I'm joking. I would have fucking told it and not about the underpass. Let's be practical here. Come on. I said, I want you to die before me. I'm not going to start lying about shit now. Come on. We're past that.

So where are you eating tonight? I'm very curious where celebrity goes these days. Are you, do you go to the hot spots or do you go, you know, like to the place where you can be like more low-key? Do I get, I generally pick the more low-key places. I'm generally picking my, it's my, we're getting, we're getting some sushi this evening. You and a lady friend?

Mm. Oh. No, I'm having dinner with my agent. Seriously? Isn't that, isn't that, yeah? And by the time this is this glass is empty, I'm going to be giving them 20%, which is just not good. What'd you lose about? Huh? Why are you, I'm killing you.

We all, agents are like congressmen. We all like our own. But they have a terrible reputation on that, right? Yes. Congress, but a bunch of, but they keep returning their own congressman. Congressman win office like 96% of the time, get reelected. Everybody complains and then they like their own.

Yeah, yeah. I love my agent. How long have you been with your agent? Uh, you know that joke about me. That's probably, it's been close to, oh to over 20 years. Well, that's true, because I was with him and then I left for a while and then I came back. So if you have the totality of it,

probably about 15 years. So you know the joke about the... Yes, I know it. Can I tell you what joke? Is this the one about the confessional? No, okay. No, an actor comes home and he sees his house and says he's a smoldering ruin.

Yeah, you know this? No. Oh, and his wife is all tattered And actor comes home and he sees his house as a smoldering ruin. Yeah. You know this? No. Oh, and his wife is all tattered. And the dog is dead and the kids are dead. And I think it comes over and he says, honey, what happened? The wife says, oh my god, your agent came over.

He burned the house down. He raked me, killed the kids and the dog. And the actor says, my agent came by. Oh, my God. My agent came by. Oh, my God. My agent came by. Oh, my God. My agent came by. Oh, my God. That's like, not the joke, I thought you were going to tell.

Oh, I'm so glad you didn't know that one. I thought you were going to tell the one that you always tell me. And then every time I act like it's the first time I've heard. Really? What one was that? Like, the guy who goes to confessional. What is it that the, the, the, the that the, I believe you know Mr. Cohen? I never told you that first.

You told me that five times. I've never told. You've told me that five times. Hasn't he told me that five times? You're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're drinking. The drinking is affecting your, your memory. I would never, listen, I'm not gonna argue that. You may have seen it five times.

It was my first joke. I did it when I was 27 on the tonight show. Oh, you're proud of it. You should be proud of it. I would never tell a joke that even when I was doing that. I believe you know, Mr. Cohen, that you have, of course you told me that, Joe. I've never personally told you that, Joe.

Oh my God, that's serious. I am totally serious. You have absolutely, you're a delirious. Because somebody told me that you are a week ago. Okay. And I said, I've heard that, Joe. Bill Martin told me that. You saw it on television or some clip. No then you, and then you transposed that to, to really listen.

It's you're, you're the one who's smoking too much. You have 100% told me that joke. I would never do such a thing. I believe you know, Mr. Cohen. Look, don't let the war make it revise history. I believe I've been to town. I've crossed the highways and the suburbs to I've done some things I've never thought I ever knew. I tell Seth that joke. I can't believe you don't remember telling me that joke. Is this how it starts? It totally never happened.

It never happened. And five times. Why would I be repeating my act? You think I was so insecure in my fifties that I was like doing my act for you? Like, you're in a private setting. No, not your whole act, but that joke. You were very proud of that joke.

And you shared it with me. Yeah, when I was 27, I was proud. But other than that, it's just a historical remnant. It was fine for that age. I don't do it other than that, it's just a historical remnant. It was fine for that age. I don't do it. This is what it's like to be fucking married. It really is. It's exactly what I'm trying.

Telling me, don't do it. It's like telling you. It's like telling you. It's like telling you. It's like telling you. It is. You told me the Mr. Cohen Joe. They have chairs like this.

They do. They have Archie. These are Archie's really. They are. They really are. They really are really are they really are yeah this is like stifled how many of how many of Bill Cosby sweaters did you have a shred to make these chairs well it is Club random it is yeah this is very eighties oh I wouldn't trade anything but what a great song that is yeah Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, how about the last, you're the one you love, the one I love.

It's a Milky Way. It's Dengie Gray. You ask me if I know the Milky Way, I do, and furthermore, I'd like to say it is in Milky Way, it's Dengie gray, especially when your world breaks down. I know because I've been to town. What a great metaphor. If you weren't doing like a slow push in on him throughout that, you, that was a fucking missed opportunity. And if you, not, you just forgot a way to do it in post, just like a slow push in. Oh, look at you. Because he's given you the vibrato and everything.

Once you're a director, I see you like, you get that thing where you're telling yourself you think you can like, no, it's a moment. Right. But I'm saying you see life that way like I can make. But also I think I just don't think you do that for everyone. I don't think you're saying, I I think maybe first of all other than Jack Jones You know and would appreciate the song or know it. I got you into that album You got me into that album and that is that is that is that is that is the album I now go to when I've had

A bunch of drinks. Well, if people don't know where don't take it seriously, and now I'm like oh, I get it It's so amazing. It's like people don't know where I'm going to take it seriously and now I'm like, oh, I get it. It's so amazing. It's like people don't know. Let me set the stage. It's 1969. Frank Sinatra did a album written all a theme album written by a gay man, gay poet Rod McEwan. And it is thematic. It has in between all the songs. There's talking parts. It's the little things in life between all the songs there's talking parts, it's the little things in life that disappoint you. Not the big things, the newspaper boy who says, will bring you a paper and doesn't. The dry cleaner who says your suit will be ready

and it isn't. That's in between. Why have we done that live? That's in between the songs. Yeah, yeah. But then it's called a man a called a man-a-law. Oh, that's me about empty. And his voice breaks.

Right. Yeah. I'm going to go somewhere with empty. It's a string of dirty days. Yes. How about the end? I'm going to go somewhere with an island with a messa records. A messa records in a ukulele.

But it's called a man alone. It's why I thought you would love it, it's because it speaks to us, where we, our bachelor's, who never got married, we're a man alone, but it's as, you know, a man alone, but not lonely, except when the darkness come. Yeah.

Dreams, this midnight dreams that fell apart at dawn. when the darkness comes. Yeah. Yeah. Dreams, this midnight dreams that fell apart at dawn. It's brilliant. There's something I have to tell you. No. I do have to pee so badly right now. I can't even... I know, you can't.

Climb, render. Thank you. Fabulous. Anytime. Oh, really? Anytime, my friend. Anytime. I love we left. We cried. Oh yes. We fought. Oh yes. We loved.

There's nothing. There's nothing. Well, there's nothing I love more than to argue with people I love. There's nothing exactly. There's nothing exactly. There's nothing. Well, there's nothing I love more than to argue with people I love. There's nothing exactly.

There's nothing exactly. This is not exactly...