Club Random with Bill Maher - The Best of Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: September 1, 2024

It's a special holiday look back at some of the BEST OF CLUB RANDOM, as we go allll the way back to the beginning of the show to highlight iconic guests and LOL moments, including some weird, wild stuff!  Go to https://www.RadioactiveMedia.com or text RANDOM at 511511 to save up to 50%, today! Go to https://www.mudwtr.com and for a limited time, use code CLUB RANDOM to get up to 43% OFF your entire order! Follow Club Random on IG: @ClubRandomPodcast Follow Bill on IG: @BillMaher Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/ClubRandom Watch Club Random on YouTube: https://bit.ly/ClubRandomYouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mudwater is the perfect coffee alternative filled with natural ingredients to give you the boost you need with no caffeine shakes. Mudwater is packed with adaptogens, antioxidants, and all those other fancy health words that make you feel superior to your coffee-dripping friends. Give Mudwater a shot and save because our listeners get up to 43% off your entire order. Free shipping and a free rechargeable frother. Head to mudwtr.com and use the code clubrandom at checkout. Enjoy the show. Need more hot takes? Head to the FanDuel Sportsbook app. They've got more ways to bet, more ways to win, and more ways to cash out quick. You can cook up same-game parlays on any MLB or soccer game all in one place, not to mention golf, tennis, and more.

Download FanDuel and get more from North America's number one sportsbook. Please play responsibly. 19-plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling Palm, call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connexontario.m. Enjoy. Clarendo. Hey. How are you? Do I stand? Can I do I stay seated? I said only reigning MVPs. Oh, it is. If I said if I'm going to do a podcast, I'm going to do one that's very different. And there was none with a nighttime feel.

One of my idols is coming toward me and I have an ice cold beverage. I'll gather you decorated yourself. Decorating is a strong word. That is the point of Club Random. We do not have an agenda here. I brought you something from my garden. Oh, that's nice. Nice? Have you ever seen a zucchini that big? I think it's a little better than nice. It's substantial. Is this the show, by the way? I just walked out here. Are we doing the show?

I love that everybody asks me this. It's substantial. Is this the show, by the way? I just walked out here. Are we doing the show? Or is this still talking? I love that everybody asks me this. Do you know? First of all, the answer is yes. Did you get a drink? Yeah. I'm doing a sulfate-free red wine. It's organic.

First of all, you already got it for me. I got the Hennessy and Coke right here. You consider yourself health conscious. To the extreme, as I said, I pick up the liquor in the bottle. Because I... I challenge you to find someone more health conscious than me. Can I get a light? I like tequila more and more these days.

Oh. My god, that's good. Well, look, it's all poison. It's all poison, but a different degree is. Yeah I'm drinking two gallons of vodka a day. Are you talking about yourself? Yeah Gallons gallons the big handle. I know what a gallon is Do something about music goes right to the pussy if I was a plumber or a dentist It wouldn't be the same thing. I get it. Well, if you were a dentist, you'd be a lot of drilling.

Good night. Guy came backstage. He goes, I've got liquid LSD. And he filled our hands, and we must take like 25 hits LSD. You could have died. Fucking two days. That's what I'm saying. Goodbye.

I haven't had pain. Really? It's gone. OK. Just live for another 20 minutes. That's all we need. Because then we're wrapped. I always get back to having done a show for 10 years about the good old days. Right. Yeah. My conversation, I would get asked

about Mad Men saying, like, don't you wish, man, don't you wish? And I go, I'm a fan of painless dentistry. men saying like, don't you wish, man, don't you wish? And I go, I'm a fan of painless dentistry. Yeah. I'm like, no, it's better now. The thing I liked about Olivier was that whenever I had what? He wouldn't let me ask the question. He was always busy probing me. I'll bet he was. I'll bet he was very busy probing you.

So a psychopath is a predatory parasite. And it's not, and that means they're very, very low in agreeableness. No empathy, tend to be callous. But who are some people who fit this description? Ted Bundy? Let me put it another way. Who are some people running for president now? Well, that's an open question, right? Well, you know, it's a true thing. president now? Well, that's an open question, right?

Well, you know, it's a true thing. And, excuse me, Bill, stop laughing like a dog. Okay? Bill Maher is a lefty lunatic. You have a case of the Trump derangement syndrome, and a lot of people are saying it. He used to like me a lot more before we got a little too political for Bill.

I had trouble saying no, just put it there. You know? Oh, you have trouble saying no? To benefits and to gigs I don't want to do. Well why didn't you just say so? You're like the Pete Davidson of your generation. Like the guy everybody goes, wow, how did he get all those girls? It's always how, it's so horrible.

It always starts with how. I lay on my back off the bed and they get to stand and just be right where the mattress hits. I feel like the chances of the family research council repeating this show anywhere are- Who was the family research council? Like a super Christian organization. I don't know any throuples. I know two.

Can you describe them? There were three men together. Like the three stooges. Listen to this. This is way before I even knew what a gay person was. They slept in the same bed, and they would introduce each other as my partner, even though they were in no specific business. You look cuter on stage than you do off stage.

You know, there's something about that thing, you know. So my theory that rock stars get a lot of pussy is the correct... It is absolutely correct. A lot of them do. Okay. He crossed a sacred thing when you go onto a stage. The stage is sacred. Yes. Since then, Chappelle got tackled.

Yes. Salman Rushdie. I mean, are you really afraid like that? I'm afraid on stage. Fast times at Ridgemont High. He was based on a guy from San Diego. His real name is very close to Spicoli. Sean, he didn't really audition.

He said, I know this character. I grew up with this character. I lived in Malibu. He's a surfer dude. And we said, well, do it. And he goes, hire me and I'll do it. And we actually hired him. I couldn't get a job in LA, so I went to New York.

We paid $375 down, which included the security deposit on an apartment. So I got dressed and I get in the elevator. Next to me is the most exotic, beautiful woman I've ever seen. And I've got to figure out a line. And I'm shy. And the elevator starts going down, and I've got to figure out a line, and I'm shy. And the elevator starts going down, and I've got to come up with something. And my line was, do you know where

the garbage goes in this building? Yeah. And her response was, yeah, you take it right down to the top. It was a man. And I'm hearing Lou Reed in my head take a walk over the wild side. Hi. Michael Jackson.

He's rehearsing. And you know, it's intermittently with Dr. Conrad Murray, currently now my personal doctor. Is he really? No. My god. Yes. I'm like, wow.

Yes. No wonder you look so good. Thank you. It's very strange, actually. It's really strange, because you just forget where you are. Well, that's the nicest compliment you could give me. Here I am, lonely in my little club, random, all by myself, smoking my blood.

My wife won't be watching this. She's in Spain. Do you want any? No, thank you. You know I'm a smoke pot. Oh. What did you think of that? You mix it in the cigar?

Because otherwise, that's the biggest joint I've ever seen in my life. Well, you must have seen a blood, Chris. No. Come on in my life. Well, you must have seen a blood Come on, no your family you've never seen a blood. No, I have okay I said the teeth put Buster Keaton ahead of the other three who put them ahead Senates, you know young you know Saying the name of some Spanish intellectual. No, Senatist.

Senatist, of course. I said it. I said it clearly. 17th century Jesuit priest. I said it. We had dinner with Gregory Peck, went out to my limo, we smoked a joint. Who's we? Me and you.

It's Donor. If you're truly following the way of Christianity, you will be a good steward of this place, because this is where heaven is. You know, this would be a really successful episode if you got me to be a Christian by the end of it. I'm telling you, this thing would fucking explode on the internet. I'm telling you, this is a real Jesus moment. This is a real Jesus moment, dude. Who's the person that's been most wasted

or stoned in here? You have to watch the Richard Dreyfuss episode. And that will answer your question. If I accidentally drink a cup of regular coffee after dinner, my entire night is ruined. Mud water is the perfect solution for an all-natural great testing coffee alternative. Even my sleepiest employee wakes up and performs better

after drinking mud water. I'm talking to you Chad. Switching to mud water can help you say goodbye to sleepless nights lying awake thinking about your life choices. It's got all the energy without the late-night existential crises. To use Mudwater, you simply drop the powder into your favorite mug, pour some water on it and give it a mix. Some go wild and add creamer, honey or even CBD. There's also caffeine-free blends available. The best part about Mudwater is it provides sustained energy without the spikes and crash of traditional coffee. Head to Mudwater.com and grab your starter kit.

For a limited time, our listeners get up to 43% off your entire order. Free shipping and a free rechargeable frother when you use code CLUBRANDOM. Club Random. That's up to 43% off your order with code Club Random at MUDWTR.com. After you purchase, if they ask you where you heard about them, please support our show and tell them we sent you. Stay energized and refreshed all summer long with mud water because life's too short for anything less than natural delicious energy. I'm not going back to university to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber One for students.

It saves you on Uber and Uber Eats. I'm there for zero dollar delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to five percent off smoothies, and five percent Uber cash back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber One for Students, a membership to save on Uber and Uber Eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. So, this girl who was the picture of perfect innocence and beauty.

And, oh God, now everybody's going to be doing the Dreyfus. Well, he had had a rough day. And... Innocence, you say? Oh, yeah. I learned more about Richard Dreyfus than I ever wanted to know. Incestuous thoughts was the engine that drove my masturbation. Really?

Yes. I'm telling you, Bill, I'm being honest with you. We're comedians, right? We're jaded when it comes to laughter. Oh, when I laugh, it's an honest laugh. Right, but with Richard Dreyfuss, I was truly like, it actually broke kind of parts of my personality, and my girlfriend wife was screaming at me.

She was like, you're going to wake up the kids. You have children, right? I do not have children. Thank God. No kids, never no slip ups. Not to my knowledge. I don't enjoy them. I never have.

I didn't like kids when I was a kid. Yeah. Really. You parents fucked it up having to negotiate with a child for what restaurant you're going to go to. Let's not forget we've also. That is astoundingly, I don't know why I'm so mad. You miss it.

For many millions and millions of people, the purpose of living is to avoid having children. Do you like kids? Do you actually like kids? Why do you ask me this question? For a course I don't like kids. You ask me questions about kids. I'm asking you.

Oh Jesus, but I just told you. But weren't you the one who said everybody has a plan until they get hit? Absolutely. That's a great quote. Even with me, with everybody in life in general, we have to realize that things can happen. The day my divorce became final, I literally got the news and went to do politically incorrect. Wow. The next month, I had a Thanksgiving at home and you came. You went to the children's table and you sat down and you said to my eight and six

year old, it's okay, are you ready now for your mom to start dating? I did. What did they say? They cried. When you're in the coffee clutch with your other egghead... Yeah? What do we talk about? What's the gossip out there?

What's putting a tingle in your anus? That would be Uranus. Right, when someone in an audience heckles, it's obvious they didn't get the joke. My friend George Wallace used to tell this story. He was on stage where I started out at Catch a Rising Star, and it's July. He says, well, I've got to go home

and take my Christmas lights down. And the guy yells out, you're a little late, pal. Ah! Ah! Mm! Ah! Ah! Ah!

I'm editing Pulp Fiction, and I'm watching this show, politically incorrect on Comedy Essentials that I think is just amazing. And I like it so much that I'm going to my editor, Sully Mickey, I'm like, hey, you know what they said, you know what they said last night? We were so buoyed by your fandom. You were our first fan, I swear to God.

I grew up on Bill Maher. Right. That's why I'm fucked up, a fucked up kid. This is so fucking cool. I'm just gonna fanboy out for a second, please. You bring me extreme fucking joy watching you say what nobody else will fucking say and mean it. You cut right through the fucking bullshit.

My parents are a really big fan of your show. Because they're the ones who love me. Well, I love you, too. Oh, good. You're still one of my favorite guys on TV. I appreciate that. I like it you're a straight shooter. That's all you can ask for in this world nowadays.

I never sell out. August 19th, you'll beat the Ovens Auditorium in Charlotte, North Carolina. June 16th and 7th, oh, I'm in Vegas. We gotta go to Vegas together sometime. The Hard Rack, Northfield, Ohio, Saturday, May 20th. September 2nd, the Grand Prairie. I think that's Dallas, Texas Trust,

Texas Trust, CU Theater. Okay, so. Can I do a plug? Yes, and Bobby, you're running for President of the United States. I think we have a clip of, uh, I don't want to win this election by seeing a political opponent eliminated by the federal police state. Because it happened. It's like they made it up. But this country has done one thing that was more amazing than any other, the peaceful transference of power.

So many countries cannot get this right. Yes. And one guy, your boyfriend, Donald Trump. One thing that was more amazing than any other, the peaceful transference of power. So many countries cannot get this right. And one guy, your boyfriend Donald Trump, broke this and fucked him. Don't give me the boyfriend stuff. Come on. Come on. I'm running against him in this race. Okay?

I think you're running to be his vice president. Well, I'm glad you smoked that view out. I've already said, and I'll say it again, I'm not going to work for any admin. So you would say no to it? Yeah, I would say no. Somebody better wake the fuck up. Joe Biden, the Democrat, Donald Trump, the Republican. Trump would be a betting favorite. And any 50ish, not stupid, woke Democrat, that person can win.

I've had Senator Murphy, Chris Murphy on my podcast. There's another guy. Chris Murphy? Yes. So how old is he? 50? Yes Looks like he's done. I'm just saying We know nothing about him. Can we make him gay it would help so much in the primary? Okay, really would well, maybe he's ambitious enough for her to ask No, why are you

You can ask me. Have you ever had a homosexual experience? No. Why are you... But it's early. I was never destined to be a gay man. I don't know that I was destined to be a gay man. I happened to be married to one. Sometimes I'm in a store or something,

and then they're like, there's some new way to pay or something, and I feel like the mermaid in Splash. I want to go, meh, meh. Well, I still don't know why you haven't got married, but I am fully understanding why nobody has ever married you. Just talking sports is a waste of your talent. I worked for them for 16 years. They won't call me why.

They know that I'm not afraid. They don't want that. And he finally said, so are you a comedian? And I said, yes, Mr. Lennon. And he said to me, how much time you got? And I said about eight minutes. He said, good. You know, most people ask how much time you got? And I said, about eight minutes. He said, good. You know, most people ask how much time you got.

I got six hours. I can do six hours. I got two hours to clean, two hours to dirty. You know, I called Jimmy Kimmel. And I said, I'm getting offers from ABC. If they're talking about me on 1130, would you want to go on to 1230? I think he said, yeah, you'd like to.

I said, oh, OK. But I think maybe he was hurt by that. And I apologized to him for that. But I don't want to go on a 12th or 13th? I think he said, yeah, you'd like to. I said, oh, OK. But I think maybe he was hurt by that, and I apologized to him for that. But I don't want to make this all about it, because I'm fine with him now. We've spoken. It's fine. But just for the, you know, whatever, just the facts.

I hate it when two people I love don't like each other. Oh, I do like John. Oh, no, no, no, no. We're not. We're not acrimonious in any way. We just have different directions. And have had since about 1975. Oh jeez, look what I've stumbled into.

Why did JFK Jr. die? I get into all this stuff. Well wait a second, I know why JFK Jr. died. Tell me there was no bomb in the back of the plane. You think there was a bomb in the back of the plane? You think there was a bomb in the back of the plane? Possibility, that's all. I don't trust the government. I do.

You trust the government? I trust the people who work in the deep state. Bureaucrats, yes I do. The people with stale pizza on their desk and cold coffee. Club Random is brought to you by the audio marketing gurus at Radioactive Media. The Daily Grind is back. It's fall, people are back to work and a big election is around the corner. Isn't it time you got serious about attracting new customers?

Why don't you do something new and adventurous? Utilizing a new marketing angle by harnessing the power of audio and partner with shows like mine. The team at Radioactive Media can ensure that your message will stand out by driving you new customers using the power nationally on podcasts, terrestrial satellite, and streaming radio. Radioactive Media has been partnering with Club Random since the beginning and they can create a customizable campaign for your company's needs so you can attract new and

qualified customers. Radioactive believes so much in the power of audio marketing they put their money where their mouths are by using it themselves right here right now. Learn how you can experience the power of audio marketing by also utilizing the strength of text messaging which can generate an ROI as high as 7 to 1. Once you reach out to Radioactive Media for a qualified proposal, you'll receive a copy of my new bestseller, What This Comedian Said Will Shock You. To find out all the details and receive a few club random goodies thrown in, contact Radioactive Media. Don't fall behind your competition. Go to RadioactiveMedia.com or text the word

random to 511-511. Discover how audio marketing can surpass your current strategies with new and innovative ways that sound better. Go to RadioactiveMedia.com or text random to 511-511. Text random to 511-511 today. Terms, conditions, message, and debtor rates may apply. Now at JoeFresh, get 25% off all children's apparel only until Monday, September 2nd. Shop smart with one cart and check everything off your back to school list all in one place. Now that's some smart shopping.

Conditions and exclusions apply. See in store or joefresh.com for details. A sphere that is ruled by Satanists? Yeah. Who are the Satanists? At the very top sits the Bank of International Settlements in Bern, Switzerland. I've got my savings account with them.

Ha ha! If I say, OK, I agree with you on everything, can we move on? So there's no, Russia doesn't want it. Just tell me what the safe word is. They keep saying Russia invades Ukraine. I agree. They don't want Ukraine.

So true. Who wants Ukraine? Exactly. It's a fucking mess. It's a sewer. As I've always said. Okay, but just to be clear, people did land on the moon. I don't know.

Okay, there we go. I don't know. I do know. I just want to know why we didn't go back. We did go back. What, did we go back? To the moon? To the moon? In that era when Putin first came into office, you know, there was that famous poisoning

of the, what's his name, the guy from the London intelligence agencies, the English ones, MI5, he was worthless as an agent. He wasn't. He had nothing significant. Don't forget the project for the new American century, the people who sent us into Iraq. You want to make me assume that Putin is responsible for everybody. He's like a James Bond film. Dr. No does this, he does that. It's exactly like a James Bond film!

He's exactly like a Bond villain! He should be stroking a cat every time you see him! You haven't proven it to me, goddammit. Can I take the leak now? Yes. I mean, Putin was like, we have got to do something about this problem of people folding out windows. I think the floors are too slippery by the window. That is what we must work on.

So where were we? We were on something interesting. Before we got boring. What were we talking about? It was very interesting. People having different viewpoints at the Hank or something. We're talking about the cancel policy and the cancel world. We're just talking about the early funny comedies. How many times do you get a prostate check and enjoy it before you're gay? Ha ha ha ha!

Five? There you go. See, it's right there. Yeah, yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Is there anything more pathetic in that fucking generation than begging for people to like you? Like me! Like this thing I did! Like it, please like it! Please like, John, the drink I made you, was it good? Like it, please like it, John! Please like it! My daughter came with me. My 18-year-old daughter is like, woke as fuck. I mean, that's that generation. Of course. Comedy is the villain.

And her dad is the fucking joker. So I bring George on the road. And I watch her and her best friend Daisy go like this. I said, I saw you laughing at that trans joke about dot, dot, dot. George goes, dad, hold on. The way he says it, it's different. It's not, he's not, it's like he surprises you

with the thing and I go, yeah, it's called fucking comedy. So who's at your shows, every age? Every night I'll say, how many people is your first time seeing Limp Bizkit? The whole place raises their hand. How many people are under 30 years old? The whole place raises their hand. I think the people who grew up liking Limp Bizkit probably

are a little older, and they'd probably rather me do a Paul Newman and give them some salad dressing or some soap. If we were sitting here with a couple of guys from the Chili Peppers and a couple of guys from other bands, we would all agree on one thing, which is that U2 is the ideal of being in a band that we all look up to because they function,

they're more or less grew up on the same street and went to the same schools. That's true of a lot of bands, that's The Beatles. But The Beatles also, I mean, they lasted six years. 10. You experienced The Beatles. The end, I was old enough to know what I was experiencing. Let me rephrase it, you experienced the Plastic Ono Band.

Hey! Paul McCartney flies commercial? He was in Heathrow Airport, yeah, and a friend of a friend said your uncle Paul's outside and I said what? And we sat there chatting away for a little bit. Well, I mean you have so much history with that guy, I mean, and again. Yeah, but we've never, you know, even done this. Really? You know, he keeps telling me, I've got so many stories about your dad that I've never told anybody,

but we're just gonna find the time and lock in the time to do that. Do it like yesterday. I know, I know, I know. I've never been, you've never invited me over. You've never invited me. This sounds like the beginning of The Godfather. No, but look at this place.

It only is. You never asked me to come for coffee. And now you come here on the day of my daughter's wedding. You do it at the precious. I remember you watching your stand-up. You don't do it precious. Let me do a Rutten Butler speech for you. I think it's very hard to win a war with words, gentlemen.

What are you saying? I'm saying there's not a cannon factory in the whole South. What difference does that make to a gentleman? Well, I'm afraid it's going to make a great deal of difference to a great many gentlemen. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You can find anybody else who knows this. I live alone That hasn't always been Easy to do For a single man I had to introduce this album to Seth MacFarlane,

who is a fanatru-adorate. I've been to town I've crossed the highways, and the harbors too. I've done some things I never thought I'd ever do. The man, he's a gold digger, but see, fuck him, we're broke. Baby, baby, don't get hooked on me. Yeah, oh my God. Because I'll just, and I'll set you free.

There's a great line in that where he goes, and it's warm where you're touching me. She rides around in a brand new foreign car. The chances are the lady's a star. Yeah. Whatever I did right in life This to me is like one of the ultimate payoffs just leave it at that. I'll drink to that too That for whatever

Road led me here. I have enough cache To have you want to come here and talk to me. Come on to have you want to come here and talk to me. Come on, buddy. Like, dude, old white guys, we don't know. Should we do this? I gotta go to bed, Bill. That's honest.

I gotta go. I gotta go back to bed. What happened to you from the ages of zero to two? I was modeling. Started modeling at six weeks old, literally. We're not filming. When we're not filming, The drinks are not free. I'm staying here, by the way, because this is, first of all, I can't get up. And secondly, it's so comfortable.

All right, I'm up. Look at me. You're running away from me now. I know when to wrap up an interview. Since you were such an amazing guest, and since I've loved you for so long. You can't go down on that, I'm going to blow you. Oh look, there's my zucchini that I gave to... I was looking for that. Look at that thing. That's a very respectable zucchini.

Would you like it? I actually would. I actually love zucchini. I'm very respectful of zucchini. Would you like it? I actually would. I actually love zucchini. The fact that you and I disagree makes me sometimes question like, well maybe he's wrong about the outer space shit. Because birds are very dirty, aren't they?

They clean it enough. That's what they do all day is clean themselves. Could you talk to them about the shitting though? Our attention span is shorter than that of the goldfish. I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. Inquiring minds wanna...