Club Random with Bill Maher - Tom Green | Club Random

Episode Date: February 23, 2025

On this episode, Bill sits down with comedian, cultural provocateur and former neighbor Tom Green. The two recall the time Tom’s house burned down, why Tom is touring the country in a camper van, navigating public perception in the age of social media, Tom’s cancer treatment during his MTV fame and how a misdiagnosis almost derailed his health, getting fired on the Celebrity Apprentice, the blurred line between clever and stupid in comedy, his film Freddy Got Fingered, life on his Canadian farm, finding love, his latest documentary project and much more. Go to https://www.RadioactiveMedia.com or text RANDOM at 511511 to save up to 50%, today! Try ZipRecruiter for free at https://www.ziprecruiter.com/random Shop SKIMS Mens at https://www.skims.com/billmaher #skimspartner Follow Club Random on IG: @ClubRandomPodcast Follow Bill on IG: @BillMaher Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/ClubRandom Watch Club Random on YouTube: https://bit.ly/ClubRandomYouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Club Random is brought to you by the audio marketing gurus at Radioactive Media. Congratulations, you survived 2024. Now the question is, how are you as a business owner or CMO going to ensure your business survives and thrives? Discover how audio marketing can surpass your current strategies with new and innovative ways to sound better. Go to RadioActiveMedia.com or text RANDOM to 511-511. Text RANDOM to 511-511 today. Message data rates may apply. Gims now offers men's underwear and I'm here to tell you it's worth the hype.

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Have you tried ZipRecruiter? ZipRecruiter has figured out how to solve this very problem. See for yourself. Just go to ziprecruiter.com slash random right now to try it for free. Again, that's ziprecruiter.com slash random. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Well, I don't know what you thought this program was, Mr. Green, but it's a family show. Program was mr. Green, but it's a family of family show Who's the biggest election Canceller than Donald Trump, you know, he was my old boss. He fired me on the celebrity apprentice. I have to hear this story Hey Bill, how are you?

Tom Tom Listen, oh my gosh. We're wearing the same shirt. Yeah, mine's better. Good to see you, man. Yours is more like a farmer shirt. Yes, exactly, because I'm a farmer now. I know you are. I am a farmer.

Mine's fresh. Very pretty farmer. I borrowed that weed walker from you 24 years ago. I have been meaning to give it back to you. I actually got it back today. I was wondering about that. Now, for people who wonder what I'm referring to, you used to live here. That's true.

And I lived next door. Yeah, until it burned down. I lived here two weeks, and then you burned your house down on purpose. Yeah, well. Why? It wasn't exactly the way it went, but. Drew did. Yeah.

I do remember having a conversation. I'd probably just moved to Los Angeles just weeks earlier. I remember having a conversation with you through the fence once because the dog ran over there or something. Through the fence. Yeah. Just like regular people. Yeah.

Just like regular neighbors. Absolutely. Stars are just like us. I moved here in January of 2001. When did you move next door, which is now this door? It must have been in 2000, I would say, because it was when my show was on MTV in Los Angeles. Was Drew already living here?

Yes, yes, she was, yeah. It was basically... So you moved into this place, but it was already here, she already had it. Yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah. So yeah, I was basically doing my show on MTV. I'd just moved to Los Angeles, and I was here for probably just a couple of months

or something like that, not too, too long. But yeah, it was, because the place burned down, so then we moved. That was a scary thing. Now were you here the night that that happened? Do you remember the fire or it's so funny the fire two weeks after I move in and Of course, you don't really know where you are in the house versus the street neighbor You're just getting reoriented the there were still boxes in my living room. Yeah, and I remember There were still boxes in my living room. And I remember emailing my assistant and said,

I think it was a Sunday. And I said, I didn't get the Sunday New York Times today. Do you have to know why? And she emailed back, yeah, because there were 16 fire trucks on your street. Wow, that's amazing, yeah. So you must have slept pretty good through that, huh? Apparently my bedroom is, I know what now is,

is on the opposite side of my house. So this property, it was, and your, this house was set quite a bit back, but yeah, you would have thought I would have heard, I didn't think I'd sleep that well today. Yeah, that was a scary situation for sure. I had just gone, about six months earlier, just gone through cancer treatment.

Right. Because I had had testicular cancer while I was on MTV. So my show had ended. I fear that one. Yeah, that's not a fun one to have, but it's a good one because you don't die from it usually. Right, how did they detect it?

Well, I noticed something was kind of... I felt some pain down there in my right testicle. Actual pain. Yeah, it was a throbbing kind of sort of thing, and I went to the doctor and got checked out, and that's what happened. You didn't feel anything? Well, like, I mean, yeah, a little bit of pain.

No, I mean, like, when you felt, did you go, hmm, did I used to have three balls? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, well, actually, the right one had gotten significantly larger as well, which I was kind of thinking. That's what I mean. Yeah, yeah, so it felt like there was. So if I check my balls and they feel basically equal, I'm OK, you think?

I think so, yeah. You would feel something, some sort of a dull, aching pain is what I felt. Some people feel more pain, like sharper pain, but I felt a dull, aching pain. And then you'll go to the doctor and sometimes they'll misdiagnose it. And so, like I was misdiagnosed initially as... Is that right? Yeah, they said it was Epididymitis and put me on antibiotics for a few weeks. And we went off and shot another show with Monica Lewinsky.

We flew up to Canada with her and shot a television show for MTV with her. She's felt a few balls in her day. You know, I'm just, I'm lobbing these up for you, Phil. I appreciate you taking the bait there on that one. Oh, anytime. Monica Lewinsky said, well, not to get off on a tangent, not that we have an agenda here, someone could buy everything is a tangent.

But, you know, I take a lot of shit from my views about medicine, which I don't think are weird at all. I'm just more skeptical, I think, than most people. And it's because, partly because, partly, and just anecdotally, I can't tell you how many times I've heard the phrase, and it was misdiagnosed. And it's like, I'm not saying you guys aren't trying in the medical field, I'm not saying you're corrupt, although there is some of that. And I'm certainly not saying that everything Bobby Kennedy

is right, says is right. But yes, I'm skeptical of everything. You guys very often don't get it right. So don't fucking look at me like, how dare you question what we in the white coats are saying because when have we ever gotten one wrong? A lot. You get it wrong a lot.

So no, I don't take anything you say at face value, and I'm just not going to march to whatever you say, because you are the science. Yeah, I think... Damn it, Tom, you've got me all riled up about your balls. Yes, absolutely. These aren't even my balls balls and I'm pissed off. Did you just make yourself a drink there? Yes, can I do it for you?

I suppose I should have a drink then. If you want, yeah, what did you have there? What did you make there? It's just tequila. Okay, that sounds good. Yeah, I think... A little rotgut. Why not?

Never heard of a farmer like you. Absolutely. Canadian farmer can have a shot of tequila. Can I make you the same drink I have? What do you mix in there? This is an interesting concoction. First, we of course have ice. Would you like to pour your own ice?

I don't want to put my hand in. No problem, no problem. Yeah, okay. And then would you just mix it with some water there? Or what do you put in there? We will add the, I'm doing a cooking show now. I feel like our future has a cooking show in it. Absolutely. That would be amazing. If it involved tequila, it's always fine.

Cooking with liquor, I'm going to call it. I mean, it's different. Okay, so then we add, this is gin, and this is because I'm a health nut. I love this stuff. It's a way to make sparkling water into a diet soda without any of the chemicals that are in diet soda. Okay, okay. Oh, yeah, sure. But not even the stuff that's in the non-sugar ones, which are still chemical. It's like a flavored sort of chemical. Yes. Yes. And then we add the sparkling water.

Okay, excellent. Now, there are some health nuts, real nuts, and anyone who is more to the left than me is nuts, of course, who don't even think sparkling water is good for you. But you know what? You got a little bit of- So there's what, some sort of carbon in that or something? Yeah, carbonated.

I can't even remember why. I'm sure, you know, is anything as good as clear, mountain water? No, but we got none of that here. What we got is liquor and a good time. And, you know. There we go. That looks like a nice drink there for sure.

All right. Cheers, Bill. Thank you. Great to see you. Great to see you too. Congratulations. Thank you. My fiance is here as well.

Oh. I'm engaged. My fiance is out in the control room. Well, I hope you're engaged to your fiance. Because other than that, it doesn't look like much of a commitment. No, but I saw you the front page of the New York Times Arts and Leisure.

Wasn't that something, huh? I was like, wow, this guy is iconic. He never sorts, he always reinvents himself. The public never doesn't wanna read about him or see him in whatever new iteration he's in. You know, he's a real artist, you are. I mean, when I think of like, when you first blew up and you were like one of those rare rock star comedians,

really cover Rolling Stone type stuff. Yeah, it was wild time for sure. And now you're a fucking farmer. No, but you know, it was a wild time for sure. And now you're a fucking farmer? No, but you know, it makes sense because in life you do go through passages. You aren't the same person you are at 22. How old are you now? I'm 53. Yeah, 53. And you know, I'm not essentially doing a lot of farming really.

I live on a farm. I have a hay, there's hay fields that we cut the hay. And I have a donkey and a mule. And I ride this mule. I didn't know anything about mules. What is the difference between the donkey and the mule? Yeah, because I actually thought they were the same before I got the mule.

A mule is half horse, half donkey. So it's like a hybrid. So it's like the, her fanny is her name and her father was a mammoth donkey and her mother was a percheron horse. Horse half donkey? Half donkey, yeah. They have 62 chromosomes.

A donkey has, oh sorry, 63 chromosomes. A donkey has 62 and a horse is 64. It might be the other way around, but one way or another, the odd number of chromosomes, the 63 chromosomes means they're sterile, can't reproduce. So the only way you can make a mule, two mules won't make another mule. You can't breed mules. You have to get donkeys and horses and put them together.

What's odd to me about the whole thing is that donkeys and horses fuck because the definition of a species usually is creatures that will only fuck creatures that are in, like, you know, leopards don't fuck tigers. Right, yeah. Although you'd think if you're horny one night, you'd be like, okay, I was looking for a tiger, but I mean, is it that different?

But they don't. It's generally the male donkey fucking the female horse. Not the other way around. So a horse doesn't generally want to have sex with a, I'll say it more politely, have sex with a donkey for some reason. So, and it's, I don't know, I wasn't there when it happened. You know, I just got.

I, she was 11, 10 years old when I got her, but it was, it's been a lot of fun. Well, you say you weren't there, but I've certainly seen in enough movies, and that's where I know everything I know about farming from, where someone has to assist the horse in the sexual act. I think when you're getting two different species to procreate, there's a little bit of human interaction.

Even if it's just two horses. They want, of course, the horses to mate because they want a pony. And who doesn't want a pony for your birthday? But they have to like lubricate sometimes the horse. Okay, yeah. So I'm a new farmer, so I don't know everything. Well, I'm saying this is in your future.

You're gonna have to learn to jerk off a horse. I could see, you know, if you've seen Freddy Got Fingered, I mean, I know a little bit about that, but. Right. Oh, right, I forgot about Freddy Got Fingered. But no, it's been an amazing thing. You know, I moved back to Canada where I'm from, so I live not too far from where I grew up.

And my parents live down the road. And you know, I found this property and... Can we say what province this is? It's in Ontario, yeah. Yeah, sort of between Toronto and Ottawa, closer to Ottawa, yeah. Don't tell the nuts where you live. No, no, Ontario's pretty big.

Ontario's about twice the size of Texas, so they'll have a hard time narrowing it down just from that, but we're a big country up there. The future 51st state potentially. Well, fingers crossed. Yeah, it'll be the only state in America where nobody in it wants to be American. Yeah, I mean... Except for Jordan Peterson, Wayne Gretzky, and that guy from Shark Tank.

Well, Jordan is sat there. You had Wayne on yet? Wayne Gretzky? Yeah. I know he's a hockey player. I never followed hockey. The great one, the great one. Yeah.

Why, is he a big right winger? Well, I don't know. I do know that he hangs out a little bit at Mar-a-Lago and that it may be that Mr. Trump was, President Trump was attempting to maybe get him to run for prime minister. Are you happier now that you're in Canada? I am, actually.

It's not that I wasn't, it's just a nice, it's nice to be closer to my family, and it's a nice change, for sure. I like being in nature. I like being out in the... Is it something you couldn't have done unless you were getting engaged? I mean, it's a very different thing

to move alone to some place. Actually, I met her there. So I met her after I moved. I moved three and a half years ago. I met her up there. And so she's Canadian. And my life's really coming together as soon as I went back to Canada.

I don't know what it is, Bill, but. Do you have kids? No kids, no. So do you think you're gonna start a family now? I would like to, yeah, yeah. And what will you tell your kids you do? Because certainly you're not gonna admit to being Tom Green.

I mean, that certainly would be. I'll show them the documentary. Not until they're like 20. Yeah, exactly. You know, I don't know. I'll probably tell them I'm a comedian. I too are doing stand-up comedy. I don't know if I'll bring them to one of my shows in the first 10 years,

but maybe I'll show them the documentary that I just put out. That should explain it. What about Freddy Finger? You'll have to wait till they're at least 14 to see that one. What was the controversy with that? I forget. I remember it was a very big,

they wrote about it a lot. What year are we talking about? We're talking about 2000, I believe it was. 2000. Oh really? 2000, 2001. Early 2001. So it was like the fire and then that.

Yeah, it was right. A lot of things happened in close possession. You should have read your horoscope that week. then that yeah, it was it was right a lot of things happened in close Succession should have read your horoscope that week. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you were mercury was in retrograde or something A lot of good things happened a lot of weird things happened You know I mean the fact that they let me direct the movie and do this movie when I was just on MTV People so mad about it. I think it was just I Mean it's a good question because it's kind of gotten a little bit of a

resurgence. Yeah, people actually say they like it now. Time is great for that. Yeah, yeah. It was one of these things where it was obviously, it was a very, I pushed the envelope as far as the outrageousness in the scenes and it was very silly. I don't know if there was a feeling of why was I directing this thing. I don't know. It's really hard to say. It was one of those things though where I had that opening weekend experience where there was all of this anticipation.

We were all really excited about it. We thought it was pretty funny. We enjoyed it. And then when it came, when the Roger Ebert came out and sort of did his sort of review of it, it was kind of like, oh, that's not very good, is it now? So it was sort of very disheartening.

Explain to the kids out there this Roger Ebert you speak of. Yeah. So back in the olden times, three movies would come out every weekend, and it was very important that you went to the right one and spent your money in the right place. So they would have these critics who would advise you on how to spend your hard-earned dollar. So people would watch that as a television show?

They would watch critics talk about movies? On this thing called television, of course, yeah, absolutely. And it was very, they were very respected, their opinions. Would they tell you which movies had done best at the box office that week? Yes, they would. Of course, yeah. That was a big thing. Of course, and it was very... And I remember there were people who complained

about it. We shouldn't know because we should just be able to decide on the merits of the movie and not by, oh it's number one, of course I'm going to see the number one movie, as if I ever did that. As if I ever looked at it and went, well it's number six, I don't know. Yeah. It's Kubrick but It's Kubrick, but it's six. The head of the studio, New Regency, Arnon Milshon. I don't know if you know Arnon. Of course. I know of him.

He took me aside after the Roger Ebert negative review and told me, you know, my very first movie, Tom, was King of Comedy, and Roger Ebert destroyed it. And 20 years later, he actually was the only movie he's ever reversed his opinion on it. That's a Morton Scorsese movie. Exactly, but funnily enough, he did kind of, a few years later, Ebert did kind of give a little bit of, not a complete reversal, but he said,

well, I'm still thinking about that movie. There's something weird about it. But what did Gene Siskel say? Well, it was actually Ebert and Roper. Remember, there was a short period of time there where it was Roper, and he didn't like it either. So, but it wasn't really, it's weird, because you know, well, it's very much like stand up in a lot of ways.

You can sort of choose to shock or polarize your audience or maybe purposefully push half of the audience away for the entertainment of the other half of the audience. This is what I thought we were doing. We were making this movie that was gonna be so weird that maybe half the audience would get up and walk out of the theater,

and then the half that remained would be sitting there like they were in on the joke, right? People like you and me never have the whole audience. And very few people do. And that's okay. It's a big country. But I mean, I get it the way you're explaining. To me, it's like, that's what an artist does.

I make the movie I think is funny. And some people are not going to like it. And I know that going in. And that's okay. Because I'm not playing to them. I mean, that's what I go by. And I think with that movie, part of it was, I guess we kind of felt like part of the punchline was the fact that some people just weren't going to get it. Like that was

kind of the punchline. You know, like this was so stupid that like, how could you have made something so stupid? And then people get angry about it. And that's what's funny. And so I was surprised that Roger Ebert and Roper weren't able to kind of sort of step back a bit and go as some 28-year-old kid who just fell off the turnip truck here in Los Angeles, and he's trying to make a weird movie. And let's maybe understand that this isn't, he wasn't trying to make the jazz singer.

This is supposed to be stupid, but instead it was just sort of treated as it was not as successful. I'm sure you're a fan of Spinal Tap. Sure, yeah, absolutely. And of course, there's the great line in Spinal Tap where he says, it's a fine line between clever and stupid. Right, right.

Yeah. Yeah. When they're accused of, yeah. Club Random is brought to you by the audio marketing gurus at Radioactive Media. Congratulations, you survived 2024. Now the question is, how are you as a business owner or CMO going to ensure your business survives and thrives? As you've heard me say, Trump may have won the White House,

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WNBA, and USA Basketball. And in a way, there actually is. I mean, it's just how something strikes you. I mean, there are people who saw Spinal Tap and didn't understand it was a mockumentary at all. They just took it at face value and went, well, this band isn't very good. Yeah. Yeah, that's amazing because that was sort of, you know, what year would Spinal

Tap have been? Early 80s or? Early 80s? Late 70s, early 80s, mid 80s? Not 70s. Mid 80s then. Early 80s? I dons, early 80s, mid 80s? Not 70s. Mid 80s then. Early 80s? I don't know what year it came out. Yeah, I guess so.

I mean, it's Rob Reiner's first movie, right? Yes, let's just say 80s. It's kind of amazing to think that people would have actually believed it was real. It's like, I remember when I started my show in the 90s and I was pulling pranks on my parents, people didn't understand that they were not actors at first. They thought, are those, people would say, are those your real parents?

You know, they hadn't sort of been inundated with reality TV yet. So they were sort of unable to sort of process the fact that some kid would go, you know, paint pornography on his parents' car or paint their house. So they just thought they were actors, which blew me away, because they obviously weren't actors. It was obviously a home video kind of thing. Yeah, I mean, it was,

I feel like a bridge to something like Borat. Yeah, it was like, just before that. Right, just before that. Yeah, yeah. So it was... Yeah. So let me ask you this. When did you decide you wanted to do a second TV show in your living room here?

Well, of course, it's not my living room. I bought your house. Sure, sure, sure. And so this was always a strange room, this building. Many people told me to tear it down. I mean, I didn't buy the house directly from you. Somebody else bought it for a few years and I bought it from him, okay. So up top is a Tiki bar.

I was told Drew put that in. Okay, yeah, I'm not sure. I don't actually recall ever being in this room, so I think. Really? Yeah, it might have been the second after me this was built, or maybe, I don't know, I'm not sure. No, I think this was here when you were, I think you were just stoned and didn't see it.

Really, you don't remember? You know, I did not smoke marijuana when I was making my show back in the day. I was like afraid of it. I was like this uptight kid who didn't smoke marijuana. I do occasionally now, but back then I was not. You want it? Maybe I'll wait a little bit,

because I might stop, I'll make even less sense than I make now. They used to be so uptight about just mentioning stuff. I mean, it was like, I'm trying to think of what an analogy for today would be, like pedophilia or something, just like, you know, just Nazism. It was an amped up anti-drug era in the 80s with the, this is your brain on drugs and Nancy Reagan and the egg and the frying pan. And it's like, that's my brain in a frying pan, frying my brain.

So yeah, I can see why people would have been a little worried about it with that sort of being constantly plugged into our minds. But yeah. It was a billboard. I remember on the way to LAX back when I was often on that road, you know, that road that connects like the 405 to LAX. I can't remember it. But I was on it a zillion times,

and there was a billboard, and it was like one of those, this is your brain, but it was about Coke, and it showed a line. Every time I saw it, I was like, you know, I'm not even a Coke head, and I wanna do some Coke now. I mean, just seeing the line of Coke was like seeing me. It was sort of like an ad for cocaine. Yeah, it's like seeing the egg on my one eggs.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, it's, well that's. Do you have chickens? I have chickens, yeah. Well, let me tell you, you can make a killing right now. I've been thinking about this, thinking into the egg business. Maybe you and I could work something out,

like I mean, I'm here in America still, you could get it to me. You could be my egg distributor, my dealer. I'll be the, yeah, well it's amazing, you know, how many eggs a few chickens will lay. I don't eat a ton of eggs, so I don't actually go, I have six chickens, and I have these other guinea hens, they're called, which are sort of like a cross

between a quail and a turkey, but they run around the property and they eat a lot of bugs and stuff. It's not quail and turkey fucking hell, is it? No, they're actually there. What is it? I mean, I don't think that's where they actually... They look like that, but they're not... They're actually their own distinct species called guinea hens.

They eat a lot of ticks. A guinea hen will eat thousands and thousands of ticks and bugs a day, so they clear out the whole property of all these. You have ticks up there? Well, we didn't until five years ago. Global warming, climate change, they've moved north. They've been in the US, of course, forever, but they come up from Pennsylvania and New York

on the deer. But five years ago, there were no ticks in Canada, so that's, climate change is real now. That is one you don't want, brother. Yeah, no. Is Lyme disease. The Lyme disease, yeah, exactly. I would never go anywhere near any place that had ticks.

I mean, I don't know what I'll do if they come here, and they probably will. They aren't in California, I guess. Okay, yeah, yeah. Well, there are still some at the Morris office. No, I'm kidding. I'm actually with them now. I'm making one of my own agency now.

I forgot. It sounds better with the Morris office. It does. It does. It's more old school, you know? It was what I heard when I was a kid. I thought it was so cool to be in show business when George Burns or somebody would say like, the Morris office.

And I would think, oh gosh. If I could one day. I remember when my show was MTV, I was signed to the William Morris Agency. Yeah. It was like when you watched Danny Thomas as a kid. That's like who his agent was. That's all you knew was a civilian about agencies. Who'd have thought that they would have wound up being,

William Morris Endeavor. Yeah, it doesn't have the same ring to it, but... No, it's not the Morris office of old, but that's probably good. But I get about, if I go in the chicken coop, back to this egg deal we're working on, and I haven't had a, I haven't gone in there for a few days, I'll go in there, there'll be like 45 eggs in there.

Like, each chicken is laying one or two eggs a day, and so, you know, if you have six chickens, you definitely will never be able to eat all the eggs that those six chickens will produce. It is amazing to think that if we weren't a species that was so into chicken abortions, what, the world would be overrun with chickens. Every egg we ate had become a chicken.

Right? Well, they're not fertilized yet, unless you have a rooster. So they're not really, I don't know if it would be considered a chicken abortion until the, so I don't have a rooster. So if you don't have a rooster, then the eggs are never gonna hatch.

What does the rooster do to the egg? Well, I think it just fucks the chicken, actually. But then the egg comes out and it's a fertilized egg and there's an embryo in it. And it's like a sex ed class right now, Bill. You know what a chicken does to a rooster does to a chicken. I do, but it's before the egg. Once the egg comes out, it's ready to hatch. That's the difference with the chicken.

The egg hatches outside the body, but it still has to be fertilized, I think, beforehand. So if you don't have a rooster, you never have a fertilized egg. And by the way, I didn't know any of this shit until three years ago either, so I have chickens now, so I know a lot of this stuff. So the rooster does stud service for the entire bunch of hens? Yeah, I mean, if you have a rooster, then you'll get fertilized eggs. But then the chicken still has to sit on it and incubate it for a period of time before it hatches. So even if you have a rooster, then you'll get fertilized eggs, but then the chicken still has to sit on it and incubate it for a period of time before it hatches. So even if you have a rooster, you can still, your eggs. That must be where the connection is

with calling a cock after a rooster. Sure, absolutely, yeah. I think so. It must be. Well, of course it must be. I haven't thought about that, but it must be. It must be. Why would it not be?

Yeah. Tom, you're so reasonable. I can't believe people think you're a weirdo. It makes sense to It must be. Why would it not be? Yeah. Tom, you're so reasonable. I can't believe people think you're a weirdo. It makes sense to me, yeah. No. Okay. No. You know, well, it depends who you ask,

you know, it depends who you ask, but yeah, no, it's a... It's so funny that you go from like ultimate weirdo to like ultimate non weirdo. I thought... It's a great arc. I thought that like there's so much weird shit on the Internet now. Right. You got it.

How do you sort of... You're weird. You get up in the morning, you pick up your phone, you're seeing, like, violence and, you know, Karens getting, you know, chased through malls and screaming at people and everyone fighting. Right. And, you know, so were you going to compete with that everyone fighting. Right. And so were you gonna compete with that? Right, no.

Or no, I thought maybe the weirdest thing that I could do is to go do something really normal. You're so right. Become a farmer. Zig when they zag. Absolutely. You know, that's it. And there's a lot of comedy in my new show.

I mean, my parents are on it. It's just more situational. So it's you and Nicole Richie. Simple life type thing. It's a little bit like that. It's Ava Gabor, but you... It meets the simple life. Do you remember Greenacres? We almost called the show Greenacres, but it was taken.

Wasn't that great? That was a little before my time, but it was taken. Wasn't that great? That was a little before my time, not to date myself. You should watch them. It was very, I remember watching reruns of it. I was more of a Beverly Hillbillies kind of guy. There's a layer to Green Acres that's very sophisticated. It was almost surreal because the plot was, of course, Oliver, Eddie Albert played him.

He's a New York, I guess he was a lawyer or something. He's wearing three-piece suits, marries Eva Gabor, who's darling, but she's hot, and she wants to live in the, oh no, he wants to live in the country. She's like, oh fuck it. We're leaving Park Avenue for the country, but he has this thing in his head about, and so all the people around him on the farm

and in the town, they're all like insane. He's the only sane one there, and yet they also vibe with the wife, because she's insane in her way. So they kind of meld, even though she hates vibe with the wife, because she's insane in her way. So they kind of meld, even though she hates being in the country. And he's just like this sane guy in the middle. And it's really very well-scripted.

I think you would be impressed. It was sort of the opposite of the Beverly Hillbillies, right? I mean, I think that show was funny, too, and it had a similar thing where the Hillbillies would in their own way meld with some people he wouldn't expect. But yeah, it was more just misunderstandings of the cement pond and what things were.

But I feel like the writing back then, the cement pond and what things were. But I feel like the writing back then, those writers were good. Those green gene shows that they used to call them on CBS, that's what kept CBS alive for years. It wasn't just the Beverly Hillbillies and Greenacres. There was also Petticoat Junction. Okay, I've heard of it. And they were all sort of, and Andy Griffith.

Right, watched that quite a bit. They were all sort of, and they all kind of like cross-pollinated at a certain point with the ones on the other shows. I think it was all taking place like in North Carolina. I'm sure it looks very racist today. But it was shot probably in the parking lot at CBS Radford. Of course it was.

And it wasn't overtly racist. It's just that there weren't black people in existence in their world. The 60s and the South. But that's where the world was. I mean, yes, even liberals didn't think it was the wrong thing. So nobody should like fucking look back to the past and go, oh, we're better than you. No, you just came later.

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And I come to you with big stars in big dramas like Gladiator 2, Dexter, Original Sin, and 1923. It's interesting living in Canada as a Canadian having lived here and then moved back to Canada and with these tariffs that are being implemented or threatened at least, people are obviously very upset in Canada about this. Now it's going to completely decimate the economy and of course it's going to have a same sort of effect on the American economy in a lot of ways. It's terrible.

So it really doesn't make a lot of sense. But then, you know, there's a hockey game, US versus Canada, this week, and the Canadian crowd booed the American national anthem, of course. Now, this was not a very nice thing to do normally. That's from my garden. Okay, I'll get that. Where you salute. Under a normal set of circumstances, I don't think the Canadians would boo the American

Star Spangled Banner. No. But they did. Not that I love everything that's been going on in Canada under Trudeau, because I don't. He did legalize weed, though. That was one thing he did. I love that. But he also resigned, so.

Good. He was super woke to a degree I can't hang with. I mean, there is a thing about that should You should be very important to someone to like you Tom Freedom of speech there is a level of hostility to freedom of speech that's going on And of course the Republicans are criticizing it now But they have no leg to stand on because they're not for it either But there are things going on in Europe right now where they they canceled an election in Romania Because the wrong people won and I'm sure Romania because the wrong people won, and I'm sure they were the wrong people.

But you know what? Once you start canceling elections, and again, Republicans, no standing to make this case because who's the biggest election canceler than Donald Trump? He tried every which way to cancel the 2020 election, still hasn't conceded it. You know, he was my old boss.

He fired me on the Celebrity Apprentice. I have to hear this story. Yeah, because I went out drinking with Dennis Rodman on the night I was the project manager. First of all, just Dennis Rodman is hysterical, and you were drinking with him. Yeah, well, it was after. We weren't taping the show.

We were done for the day. I had a big job. I was the project manager. You've seen the show before? You know it works? You have to sort of compete business tasks. I never watched that show. Well, it's a business competition, and I sort of fancied myself a pretty good businessman.

We had to build a wedding dress store, and we were competing, the guys versus the girls. I had to sell more wedding dresses than Joan Rivers and Khloe Kardashian and her team. And I had Clint Black and Herschel Walker and Dennis Rodman on my team, right? And so it was very serious, right? But then after the, you know, I could tell we were kind of going to lose

because my team sort of mutinied against me. Scott Hamilton as well, Olympic gold medalist, they kind of wanted to lose and then get me fired. And so I was kind of a little upset about that. So I went out drinking with Dennis Rodman after the show that night night and I guess we were a little hungover in the boardroom the next day and the president fired me. The president of the United States fired me. Well, you know, going out drinking with Dennis Rodman, I have to say, is not something that

recommends somebody as an employee. Again, that's just my thing with Trump. It was worth it though. It was worth it though. I'm not going to pre-hate everything. Firing you, I feel like was the right move. Yeah, you're probably right. It was not a business-like thing to do. You know, you can't trust anything he says because the next day he changes his mind or

whatever, but I think he said last week he wanted to cut the defense budget by 50%. I've been saying that for years. Am I going to hate it now because he says it? That would be hypocritical. Right. Or get rid of nuclear weapons. Or get rid of the penny. Yeah, we don't need those.

Well, we can't get rid of nuclear weapons unilaterally, but we should reduce them. I think he was talking about trilateral, China, Russia, US, plan to lower them. But I have to know politics aside, like Dennis Rodman. Yeah, back to this. As a very curious, I remember, of course, I'm a basketball fan. You remember the court. Was that here when you were here? The basketball court?

You don't remember that either? Tommy Witt. Tennis court. Okay, same thing. Yeah, it was a tennis court. Ben made it into a basketball court. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway.

What was I gonna say about? We were talking about. Oh, basketball, Dennis Rodman. Dennis Rodman, yeah. Big basketball player. So I remember Dennis Rodman as a player. Best rebounder. Yeah, I remember I was in Chicago for some reason in 1996 when they won the championship.

The night they did, and I went to this club where they were partying. I met him on a championship night, like in the VIP room. It was like, wow, it's really cool being a celebrity. The show had only been on a couple of years, and I was like, wow, this is great. He was a lot of fun. We became friends when we were there on the show. He was the only one that was kind of

sort of not really uptight about the game. He was having fun with it. These reality shows are pretty nuts. I assume you've never been on one of these kinds of shows. the game, he was having fun with it. These reality shows are pretty nuts. I assume you've never been on one of these kinds of shows. I got asked to do it, so I did it. It seemed like a fun thing to do. And it was fun to do.

But it is sort of like a Stanford prison experiment type of situation. That's exactly what it is. And it's clearly purposely orchestrated like that. It's not unintentionally so. I mean, they'll put the celebrities, we'll put the celebrity apprentice, it was called, right? So they'll put the celebrities in a room, a room kind of like this, but it'll be Dennis Rodman

and Herschel Walker and Clint Black and Brian McKnight and Scott Hamilton and myself and a couple other people. And then it'll be a day, you know, a television shooting day. Everyone will come in at, you know, nine in the morning, it's eight in the morning, and there'll be cameras all around, blocked off with, you know, no camera people in there.

And then they just basically don't give you anything to do for like way too long, like four hours. And there's like a cheese plate and a coffee, and then people just, and there's a competition that has some rules and there's a bit of a hierarchy that they create within the group because there's a project manager who becomes the leader of that group and then people disagree with the leader and they all form these little sort of Lord of the Flies type sort of groups. And then they film it and it's pretty hilarious, you know, usually, and I think that's why people enjoy it.

But being actually in there and being actually, you know, you don't want to be piggy, you know? You want to- It does seem, Lord of the Flies, it's so right, it does seem like a lot of reality television in America is about pitting people against each other. Yeah, absolutely. We're a cockfighting, loving nation.

People who would not normally, perhaps, be fighting. Exactly. They know, they study this, I don't know for certain, but I would assume they have studied the science of it, and they figure out exactly who's in there, and what would get them mad at each other. Do you think they cast it that way also? I think they cast it that way.

I think they put a bunch of people in there that would probably be maybe a little bit nutty. People like myself and Dennis Rodman and Scott Hamilton. We all know Scott Hamilton's a bit of a wild man. So you were allied with, you had an alliance with Dennis Rodman. That was, you were a... Well, so, well, to break down the actual game, because it did get pretty serious there for a bit.

So in the second episode, first episode of my season, each episode someone gets fired. First episode, Andrew Dice Clay, my good friend who I'm sure you know very well, got fired. He got fired for, he was a bit aggressive with Donald Trump when he asked for, in the first episode, Dice kind of was a bit aggressive with Donald Trump because there was not enough Butter for the bagels in the green room and he got angry about it in the boardroom on the show My guess is he actually didn't get angry about it. My guess is he sort of well, I think he was doing it for fun You know, but it I think he likes to play the character of Andrew Dice Clay. That's a character. Absolutely.

I'm getting very good friends with Dice, too, yes. But that's not really him. Oh, yeah, I know. And sometimes he just lets the character drive the bus, because it's more fun for the character to be mad about the bagels than for him to be a reasonable person. It was hilarious.

I mean, it was so funny. I mean, it was kind of probably not what you would really do if you were gonna try to win the game to start complaining immediately. What do you get if you win? I think you win money for a charity of your choice. That's what it was, yeah. Why even try?

Yeah, exactly, yeah. Yeah, well, it becomes, then it quickly becomes a point of pride to the people in there about trying to prove that they are smart, you know? What was your charity? Sick kids? It was a cancer charity. Yeah, so you fucked a bunch of kids

because you and Dennis Rodman wanted a drink. No, no, no, no, no. By that point, I knew I was not gonna be, because I had an alliance against me, you see, Bill, an alliance against me. So my team had sort of turned on me, decided to get me fired, so I basically just, I threw in the towel pretty much and said, okay, Bill. Rough few years, bro.

Yeah, it was funny. Fire, divorce, Trump. Yeah, yeah, by the President of the United States, too. By the President of the United States. Bed reviews from Roger Ebert. This was, something was going on in your horoscope. I'm telling you. Those were kind of, in hindsight at as I look back on it, they become kind of funny, those things.

So it's one of the funniest things that happened. When you think of what to overuse a term that's overused, privilege, kind of life we live where what we do is something we basically consider to be fun. So do we work? Yeah, we work. But I've also had jobs when I was younger. That was work.

In other words, I fucking hated it. I didn't want to throw triangles of fish product into a vat of grease. Is that something you did? Did you ever work as a short order cook somewhere or fast food? Have you ever done that? I'm bragging. I worked at Dairy Queen. I'm bragging about my, yes, of course.

Which one, where, McDonald's? Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips. Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips, cool. In Ithaca, New York. Arthur Treacher was this old British actor who was Merv Griffin's announcer, like Sidekick, like Ed McMahon. And that was enough in this day, I guess this is the 70s, that was enough for Arthur Treacher

to have gotten himself a franchise, because he was British. A franchise of... It was like a Kenny Rogers roaster. Exactly. But with Arthur Treacher. He wasn't that big a star. But they had... It was a a Kenny Rogers roaster. Exactly. It wasn't that big a star. But they had, it was a viable restaurant. It was a fast food shithole that I worked in, yes.

So would you deep fry the fish in a fryer? It would, you'd put your arms in a beach hat and wear a uniform. And your arms would have all these little... Because the grease would come up, you'd, shorts, and your arms would have holes. Because the grease would come up, you'd be burns on your arms. Yeah, I know that. I used to cook, I got fired because I miscooked a chicken burger at Terry Queen.

So. These kids who get offended at microaggressions, and like, not that I'm a Marine. I mean, people have had way harder lives than me for lots of reasons. That's definitely not the worst thing that could happen is getting a little chicken grease on your arm. It really hurts.

And then you'd have just all these red marks on your arm. Yeah, yeah, no, for sure. I'm not saying it's nothing. At a time of my life when I was thinking about asking a girl out, it wasn't the greatest thing to approach her with red marks all over my arms. But you had a few bucks though. I didn't. Because you were working.

I went from that to selling pot in six months. That was my last. That was my last. More lucrative than Arthur Treacher's? Way more lucrative and way more fun. Yeah, that's cool, that's cool. I didn't smoke until I was a sophomore in college, but I went from first smoking it to selling it in six months.

Because I couldn't afford it otherwise. See, I have honestly not, like I did not, when I first ever tried that, I was kind of later, maybe I was in my 20s, and it made me sort of have a panic attack in a way. I found very paranoid the first time I ever smoked marijuana. Well, it can.

Why does it do that? You asked me before about eating it. That's another reason. Right. It makes you kind of paranoid? Well, it's more like tripping. It's a five, six hour experience, which I'm not up for. Too much energy required. I don't have six hours to give to your trip. And yeah, you can be almost too high sometimes. You can't control it.

And for a control freak, it doesn't work. Exactly. And I've tried to make it work. It's a fear of a loss of control, which feels... So why does that not always happen, though? Why does it happen when people eat that, not when you smoke it then? I mean, everybody's different, you know?

I'm having a beer, by the way. Please do. You drink beer, Bill? I fucking hate beer. You hate beer, huh? I do. I really do. Why?

Why do you hate beer? You just never got into it? It stinks. It's like it's cheap. It's cold. It's cheap. It's cheap. I really do. Why? Why do you think beer has just never got into it? It stinks. It's cheap. It's cold. It's cheap. It's like low level percent.

It's an art form to make a beer, you know? I don't know how they do it, but I know it's... It's German. It's like barley and stuff in there. Oh yeah. Yeah. All beer tastes different, different kind of, you know, this is a Pacifico, this is a lager.

Nice. I know I could drink it, it doesn't like make me rich. Yeah. But the idea of drinking something with only like 12% alcohol or something. There's not enough alcohol. Well if you're drinking, you're drinking to feel the effect. Whatever it does, like I always think it kills, say, 5% of my brain cells.

Not permanently, perhaps, although I guess they are permanent. Okay. But at the moment, 5%. And for some reason, that makes you, in a way, smarter sometimes. In many ways, stupider, of course. Drunks do the worst things. But if you could control it, just why do people have a couple of drinks at dinner?

I think it takes down a tension level in people. Absolutely. And it makes you just more you. But a beer with the 12%, it's still kind of a slower kind of tension. Right, yeah. It's just a little more, to me it's almost, yeah. It's just a little more, you know. To me it's almost like I'm rehydrating a little bit with a beer. It's almost like a glass of water sometimes, you know?

You don't have to think of it like you're just drinking it to get drunk or whatever, right? With beer it's sort of more like just a, come on Bill, have a beer. Let's have one beer. I just saw this great show, I gotta say. I'm a big Billy Bob Thornton fan anyway. I mean, even if he'd only ever done Bad Santa, I'd love him. He's done a lot of great stuff.

And his band is great. I've always been a fan. I was in an episode of The Trailer Park Boys with Billy Bob Thornton. What's that? Canadian legends, The Trailer Park Boys. Do you know them? I don't. They're very funny. You have to have The Trailer Park Boys down here on the show.

What does that mean? Well, it's a TV show up in Canada. Yeah. The Trailer Park? Yeah, it's been a hilarious show. It's been on. On now? It's been on for a long time, but it's like kind of, yeah, it's on now too for sure, yeah.

You know, my earliest years in comedy were when SCTV was on. Right. And I would, I had the one, one of the first, I guess. You had the first generation, certainly, of a V, of something I could tape off TV. It was like this big. Right.

And you had to like. Record it on a VHS tape? Yes. Or a beta? A VHS tape. A VHS tape, yeah. And you would, just like a VHS tape? Yes. Or a beta? A VHS tape. And you would, just like with the old tape recorder, you would have to push like two buttons at the same time to record, like press and play or something.

Record and play, yeah. So it was on Saturday night, SCTV, and that was always a big night to be out at the clubs. But at the end of that night, I would be like drooling in the cab going home. Just to go home and watch that VHS tape. Because I'm going to rewind and watch SCTV. It was like just on a level that was... And that, so that would have been, how old were you when you were watching SCTV?

Were you... 23. You know, my first year in comedy. And living in, oh no, I guess I was, yeah, probably. I'm picturing it in the apartment. I got my main apartment there, which was not a nice place. But I didn't have the dots on my arms anymore, so it came out. But I didn't have the dots on my arms anymore, so it can't evened out.

But yeah, so yeah, 79, 80. Around there, 80, 81. I mean, early 20s and just at that part in your life where I've never had more anxiety because it was like, am I gonna go anywhere in this crazy job I've picked for myself? Or, you know, and if not, what? And can I be happy doing anything else? Because I always kind of, as a kid,

I kind of knew I'm not gonna be happy doing anything else. That's a lot of pressure on yourself. And so yeah, I felt that way I felt that way that's drove a backup when you were starting I didn't really have a backup plan because I mean I went to school for broadcasting So I knew I was gonna work. I wanted to do something technically at least because I guess I could have done More technical side of the business too I do I do like camera work and editing and stuff like that. That might have been, but yeah, so it's terrifying.

You look like a director. Well, you do. What does that look like exactly? I know you have directed lots of stuff, but I'm just saying you just look like a director. Yeah, well I... LAUGHS Much more than a farmer.

Yeah, well it's... Yeah, so when you get to interview the cast members of SC TV for the first time how old are you when you first interviewed Martin Short? And what was that like well Martin Short's become a great friend sure so when the first time you met him though You know it just kind of an incredibly if you have weird experience for you. I'm guessing you haven't seen this you should look this up on Wherever you YouTube it. But I had a book out last year. So I was like, in the one-on-one interviews section of the show we do after I do a monologue, it's very often an author. You know, it's a topic. It's a

single topic. And it can be anyone. it can be an iconic celebrity, it can be the governor, whatever. But yeah, if somebody has like an amazing book, like Jonathan Haidt has this amazing book that's been on the charts for years, you know, The Anxious Generation about kids and phones and all that shit. But I was like, okay, but now I'm the person with the book. Can I have someone interview me? And I'm the guest.

Well, Jiminy Glick did it for me. And I'm telling you, it's like the funniest 10 minutes. I mean, I'm just playing straight man. I did do my part well, but that's just because I understand that what's going on here. Yeah, you had the BHS tapes. Get out of the way and let the genius do his thing and just, and of course just play everything straight

as if he's a person who deserves an answer. I mean, his first question was, why go after Harriet Tubman? Right. I mean, I had to have a tissue box there for, I couldn't, you know, he is, there is a genius to Martin Short that really, he deserves all the accolades he gets.

And it's probably you relate to that character because you probably would like to be Jiminy Glick sometimes when you're interviewing people, I would think, right? Would that be you probably would like to be Jiminy Glick sometimes on when you're interviewing people I would think right would that be kind of? Be able to just sort of one night come out and just say yeah Just because it's silly yeah, because it's I mean it's like the the comedy of silly You can't beat it. You can't be getting someone giggling You know do you remember when you saw a talk show for the first time?

Who was it? And who was your favorite talk show host from before 1980? Johnny Carson. Johnny Carson. Okay, yeah. That was my era. I mean, I was a little... Of course it would be...

Other than Johnny Carson, I guess I would say. Oh. We'll talk about Johnny Carson in a second. I mean, he was so, you know, the Zeus of the universe that everybody, I mean, look, one of my great friends in life was Alan Thicke. Yeah. He came with me on my first... Canadian. My first Hawaiian excursion I did for 12 years.

I did a thing in Hawaii over New Year's, and he was on that first trip with us. Loved him, he tried. And Alan, you know, people never really appreciated what an amazing, dry, sophisticated wit he was. Because he was known as the sitcom dad. Yeah, yeah. You know, but that wasn't Alan. Alan was like slyly the most hysterical guy.

In Canada he had a talk show, I believe it was before the one he had in the US too, so we grew up with Alan Thicke on TV a lot more. Let me tell you an Alan Thicke story that's so funny. He had a show, Thicke of the Night, right? Oh yes, Thicke. I have the t-shirt. He got me the t-shirt. Yeah, he was hilarious. He did a show, Thick of the Night, right? Oh yes, Thick, I have the t-shirt. He got me the t-shirt.

Yeah, he was hilarious. I got to interview him a couple of times on my web podcast show that I did. Oh you did? Yeah, so I got to. Oh he was a Canadian icon. The best, yeah. Oh, I loved him.

So listen to this, I remember I'm meeting him one night and he was newly engaged to Tanya, his third wife. Okay. I think she was Miss Columbia. Barry Allen, a beauty pageant winner. But they were like, I mean, it was hysterical because it was like NAFTA, the dry, unflappable Canadian and then the Sofia Vergara character.

And I love Tanya, she's awesome. But she's Colombian and fiery, and so it was just hysterical to have them on the trip. But I remember when they got, I met them at a restaurant, it was just me, and I don't know why I was, but I loved him, I saw him a lot. And she's like, she wanted me to notice that she finally got the engagement.

And it was like, you know, girls do, you know. So then we were joking about that. Okay, great, congratulations. We were talking about at the time, his kid was like four years old, three or four years old, Carter. And he was playing hockey with that kid who was then 18 when he died.

So Canadian to die playing hockey. At least a very Canadian way to go. You should get a special Go Holla salute for that. Yeah, absolutely. So I'm asking Alan about the kid, and he loves Tonya, that's great. I said, does he understand sex yet? And Alan said, I don't think so.

But he knows it has something to do with the diamond. He knows it has something to do with the diamond. Oh, okay. Well, you know, that's funny. He was a great guy, he was a great guy. Canadians, man. It's tough when. The roster is like so impressive. I got to know Norm MacDonald when he came to my web show

and he's from my hometown of Ottawa. He grew up blocks away from each other, but he was not at the same time. He was a bit older than me, but I remember I saw him for the first time at Yuck Yucks when I was a kid. I would go down to Yuck Yucks and he was performing before he was on Saturday Night Live.

Yuck Yucks in? In Ottawa, I was on Saturday Night Live. Yuck Yucks in? In Ottawa. I would see him in Ottawa. Where? What city? Ottawa. Oh, Ottawa. The capital. The capital.

That's where I'm from. Yeah. And Yuck Yucks is, you know, do you know Mark Breslin? Why didn't I get that gig? You know, well, you know, you have to be from Ottawa and then you probably. Oh, really? They didn't have American comics? No. Because we played, I played Montreal and Toronto. Yeah, no have to be from Ottawa and then you probably really they didn't have American comics No, because we played I played Montreal and yeah, no for sure

It was but he was a lot of the you know Canadian comics just started at yucky. I played Winnipeg. Yeah. Yeah Well, that's uh, which one did you play? Have you played in the clubs there rumors? I mean it was 1992 you ever played the rumors comedy club in Winnipeg? Shout out to Rumors Comedy Club. It's a great comedy club. It's been there since the 80s. That's probably what I was playing. Yeah, I think for sure, yeah. Yeah.

Winnipeg's, did you enjoy your time in Winnipeg? Or were you just kind of in and out? I did. I'm not gonna tell the story, but I actually had a great time. Yeah. But, I mean, the reason I got there does not favor well on Winnipeg, but that's not their fault. I only got there because my house had to be tented. I called

my agent and they said, get me a gig fast. Well, we got Winnipeg. Okay, whatever. Let's go. That kind of thing. That's cool. Exactly. Well, I've had a lot of fun in Winnipeg. Go Jets, you know, Canadian city. But I don't know there's really a reason why their team is called the Jets, by the way. The hockey team is the Winnipeg Jets, but I don't think there's really a lot of Jets or anything in Winnipeg.

No, I love Canada. Yeah. I love the people. I have some serious connections with friends there. And I remember moments there that would never happen in America, like somebody refusing a tip. Right. I remember somebody doing that, pushing the money back

and saying, you've been generous enough. And I said, you know, in America, you could be arrested for that. Refusing money? Yeah. That is, boys. You've been to every city in Canada probably, right? I've been, no, but certainly I, on the tour,

was always been- Toronto, you've been to Toronto. Of course Toronto. You love Toronto. Toronto. Vancouver, you've I on the tour was always Toronto. You've been to Toronto, of course So we love Toronto Vancouver. You've been to Vancouver. Yes Toronto. Have you been to Ottawa? The cap. No, no, no, I'm saying I never played on Ottawa gotta come to Ottawa Well, I'm not doing it anymore. So you're not you're not going I just stopped as I did hear you say that I wasn't sure if I believed it or not. But you're like, 100% stopped or just like slow? Well, you can still go and do a couple shows a year

if you want. You know what? I really feel you can't because you have to be in practice to do stand-up, at least the way I want to do it. Because you would feel every time you got up, you'd feel like you were not in a groove. I mean, I've kept for 42 years, I've had an act.

There was my life on TV, and then there was my act. There was stuff that bled between them. It was very good. How often are you, I mean, I don't know if people like to talk about them, hear about writing and sand upsets, but how often do you try to slide that material out? Or do you keep some jokes for years? I never try I never try Yeah, but I mean well now I don't even have to worry about it because I'm not doing it

But for years, but hypothetically what we're still doing it. There was thing there was there were I'm not gonna say there aren't things that Were written for real time that didn't wind up in my act, there are. But mostly I wrote that myself. It was just too, stand-up is just much more personal than doing a monologue each week, which is really just about the events of that week. It's very impermanent. A stand-up act, I just did a special.

I mean, you know, like, I've got that. They can watch that for years. Not everything I'll like on it. It takes a lot out of you just having to exude that kind of emotional energy live every weekend. Yeah, I like that part. Is it the anticipation of it? Is there anxiety that you get before the show? The travel, just exhausting.

Yeah, it's exhausting, yeah. It's like, you know, when I said I wasn't gonna do it at the end of last, well, the beginning of last year, so we didn't book anything for this year. All year, I kept thinking, oh my God, I'm not gonna be doing this after this, you know, there's eight more gigs, there's six more gigs, there's four more gigs.

That's not a legal contract. I mean, you can always change your mind at any time. That's why I never made an announcement. You decide next year, ah, I think I will do it again. But I was like really wondering, when it comes to it next year, am I really gonna be okay with this? And you know what happened?

I was, I was right. Like, Maybe another year you might start get the itch for it. Couple of weekends ago would have normally been, as it has been for so many years, the weekend when I first went out back on the road, the third weekend in January, the holidays are over, okay, people go to a show again.

I was so glad I didn't have to fucking drag my ass out of bed on a Saturday and go to a show again. I was so glad I didn't have to fucking drag my ass out of bed on a Saturday and go to Cincinnati after I don't love Cincinnati or whatever it was. I just wanted to be home. Yeah, yeah. And that's it. You know, it just, I thought that I couldn't. I'm not crippled in any way, people.

I mean, it's not like, I just don't fucking feel like it. Yeah. Have you ever, did you ever take a break before for a year or two? Never. Never, yeah, exactly. So that's why it feels weird,

but it doesn't mean you can't take a break. It's because you've never done it before, it doesn't mean you can't take a break. It could just be a break, maybe you're just taking a break. There's other things to do. Yeah, but maybe it's just a break. Maybe it could be a five year break. Yeah, but you don't have, I mean,

I just don't think you should set it in stone. I don't want you to quit doing, I mean, you don't have to do. I just don't think you should set it in stone. I don't want you to quit doing stand up just because you decided to quit. Stand up is just a medium. It's a medium for ideas. That's what this is in its own weird way. Absolutely.

And there are people who will watch us do this, who wouldn't watch us do anything else, and I get that. I am not that, but I get that. Because it's just like there are people who want to hear a jam band instead of something polished. Yep, absolutely. And that's personal taste. And I get it.

And I'm fine. But I want both. I want to have a jam band, and I also want to make Abbey Road every week on real time. Right, and that's what, that's, I was, because I was actually about to ask you why you built a television studio in your basement here. Or, but there's the answer, that's the answer.

Yeah, it's fun, this is kind of like, you can just kind of. But it's still, I didn't change anything in this room. This room was always so cool. I mean, it was a. It's kind of like you can just kind of but it's still I didn't change anything in this room This room was always so cool I mean it was a mess when I got it but and I think Drew is the person who built that tiki bar up It looks that thing that looks like you're in Mexico. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I was told I don't know how I know that Yeah, I think that's true. I think it is. Yeah. It's beautiful. I still love it. Yeah, yeah. As a place to like, you know. I think she built that before I knew her.

Well, I'm going to have a party this summer and invite both of you. Yeah. It's time you reconnected. Oh, wait, you're married. Yeah, absolutely. In fact, well, you know, I was going to say relating to stand-up, you know what I've

been doing since the pandemic? How do you describe the, when you say since, do you say since COVID or since the pandemic? You know you describe, when you say since, do you say since COVID or since the pandemic? You know, either one. When the pandemic happened, that's when I kinda moved, right? I moved back to Canada. Oh, that was the impetus. Yeah, it was, yeah.

And it was kinda like, cause I'm touring all the time and my tour was canceled for the whole year and I was sitting there going, okay, I didn't have a TV show to go to every day so I'm sitting around my house going like, what the heck, I'm gonna go freaking do this weekend. And so I got this camper van, I got my dog Charlie,

started going out into the desert out here and filming some stuff for, basically just because I wanted to go check out the desert, but filming some stuff for social media. And then I decided to move back to, sold my house, moved back to Canada, sure. Thank you very much. What'd you do with that other one I gave you?

I smoked it. No, here it is right here. There it is, there you go. Thank you. Trade ya. It sounds like a conversation I would have had at 19. What'd you do with that one I had the other one? Exactly. I smoked it. Oh no, I had the other one. Exactly.

It's exactly that. Oh no, I didn't smoke it. It's exactly what it was. But I got this camper van, and so now I'm touring. You have that? No. No, I don't smoke. I don't smoke a lot.

I'm touring with my... I'm now driving on my touring, Morris, what I'm getting at. I haven't been going to the airport and flying to... Instead, I've been doing these. So I drove here from Canada in a camper van. Oh, what? Right now. Yeah, so I left Canada.

That's so Tom Green. In my camper van with my fiance and my dog. And we drove and we did gigs all the way down. You two must be close. We were having a lot of fun though. To be able to be together all day long in a camper. It's going well. I mean, it's going.

No, I'm not doubting it or wishing it. She's still here, she's here. No, I wishing it. She's still here, she's here. No, I get it. She didn't go, she didn't leave yet. Still there, she didn't fly home. What is it that makes, that you think allows one person to be like so easy on your, just vibe that you can be around them all the time? Because lot of I feel like you know success in a relationship is that

Can you just be around somebody yeah and feel almost as? Calm as you do when you're alone. Yeah, you don't fart Yeah, not that I try not not that no not that comfortable Are we agreed? Well, I mean, I'm not gonna say what I'm guilty of in the terms of farting too much, department, but I don't try to fart a lot, if that's what we're talking about here, Bill.

Okay, well, the only fart that ever should happen in your mutual space, I believe, is an inadvertent fart. That can't... Okay. The way you're like, yes, of course. You're on Meet the Brash. I'm trying to think whether I agree with that. You can't help it.

It's like a nocturnal. This isn't really, honestly, this isn't really the first thing I want to talk about when talking about my new engagement. Well, I'm just... You know, she's amazing, and that's why we're having a lot of fun. She puts up with the absurdity of this idea of traveling around in a camper. But we are staying in hotels when we're not... She loves it. No, we're having a lot of fun.

We're having a lot of fun. Are you funny all the time? I get kind of... I'm pretty tired right now, now that you mention it. You never mentioned me. Are you funny all the time? I'm pretty tired right now, now that you mention it. You never mentioned me. Because I drove here in a campervan. That's amazing. I slept in the Mojave Desert. I appreciate it so much.

Four nights ago. I really appreciate it. It's beautiful out there. Putting out like that. Have you ever slept out in the Mojave Desert? Fuck no. It is so beautiful out there. Oh, I'm sure it is.

But there's also. Seeing the sunset coming up over the mountains in the Mojave Desert with... Oh, my God. ...making some coffee. Oh, my God. You drink coffee? I do, but not in the middle of nothing in the morning. Why does that sound bad?

It's not nothing. There's beautiful... Oh, I understand. ...capsuses and wildlife. You know what it is? It's just...... Flora and fauna. We're at different stages of life. Not that I would do it at 53 either.

Right, right. But especially it. It's just not your thing. You're just not a kid. You just don't go camping. No, I wanna comfortable. Have you ever been camping? I want a comfortable bathroom.

Have you ever gone camping? A comfortable bathroom. Okay, I think after a comfortable bathroom, you get the, it's just like. Have you ever slept in a tent? No. Wow, really? That's amazing. Never slept. I'm sleeping in a just like. Have you ever slept in a tent? No. Wow, really? That's amazing. Never slept. I'm not sleeping in a campervan. It's scary sleeping in a tent. Animals can tear through that tent. I did not sleep in a tent, but I once slept in a hammock.

Okay. You'll never guess where. Oh. On Frankie Valley's tour bus. You're right, I would have never guessed that. I am right, aren't I? Would have never guessed that, no. That's amazing. So was that just kind of, was he a friend of yours? No, I was opening for him. Yeah, that's cool. What year would that have been?

That would have been 1982. And what venues would you be performing there all around today? Are you familiar with Wolf Trap in Washington, DC? OK. No, I don't know that. No. Wolf Trap is very famous.

OK, cool, cool. A lawn, you know, seating, and then a lawn. It's a big summer. Oh, nice, nice. Unless you're playing like stadiums, everybody will, nobody turns their nose up at Wolf Trap in the summer. That's cool.

You know, James Taylor with Jackson Brown. Right, right nose up at Wolf Trap in the summer. That's cool. James Taylor with Jackson Brown. Right, right, right. Wolf Trapper. So that was one. This was- Sort of like a Hollywood Bowl kind of. Yes, yes. Sort of like a Hollywood.

Got some bravitas to it, but you're outside. It's like camping, but you're not, you're watching a show. Yeah. Jim McKay. Sort of like camping, you feel like you did something in the nature. Yeah. Yeah. Jim McKay. Sort of like camping. You feel like you did something in the nature. Right. Blanket. Yeah.

Blanket may involve being involved. You've never really, really never gone camping. And it was, it's fun because you get into nature and you really kind of exconce yourself in that it's very calming, a relaxing thing to do. I think nature's a great town. I love nature. I do. I live a mid-nature.

I feel like, that's one reason I don't need to do that is because I feel like I see a lot of greenery and stuff that isn't urban every day. Yeah. Because you burned your house down. Yeah. It always is gonna come back to that, Tom. Now, I did not do it, by the way, for the record.

No, nobody did it. I'm joking for the record. It was a fire. I knew you were joking. I just wanted to put it on the record. I did not do it. Just in case there's any confusion. I'm very glad we did.

Some people might people. No, they- I know there was no reason for them to think that, but some people still get confused and think the wrong thing. I just want to make sure I did not burn the house down. Well, there's just too many people in America with time on their hands, and they also have access to the internet.

So if they can just start some shit for no reason because it entered their mind, they will do it. So is it more fun doing television when you have the internet as well as a factor, or is it more fun doing television when there was no internet? Because you seem like you're having a lot of fun with the internet as well as a factor or is it more fun doing television when there was no internet? Because you seem like you're having a lot of fun with the internet.

So I would expect that you would say that, but I'd expect you would say that it was probably this is more fun to have this kind of, but then you also have to deal with the complexity of all that kind of just energy on the internet that we're talking about. You asked me about, I don't know, how long it'd be. Six hours or maybe 20 minutes. It could be the one. But at some point you asked me about something that is frustrating, which is you said, what about when they take like clips? Exactly.

Because you lose control over, you know. It's amazing when you are somebody who's in the middle like me. And not in the middle like in Namby Pamby. And it's just like, yeah, I'm a proud, old school liberal. But no, I'm not going to go along on the crazy train to Nonsenseville. So when you're in there, what were we talking about? It was so important to me.

Yeah, well, I was just saying, yeah, you know what? What were we talking about, Bill? Oh, good. Now we're both too fucking high to remember what the conversation was about. No, but you, I knew exactly what we were talking about until you questioned it, and then it made me sort of second guess myself, and now my mind's gone blank.

What the hell were we just talking about, Bill I don't know but you know if this is what alzheimer's is like, yeah, it's not that bad Get a bigger deal around these extremely soft chairs by the way I don't feel like it's I got a beer. You know, this is incredible when you know, it's what we were talking about okay is Before the internet. Yes we were talking about, okay, is before the internet, doing a television show... Yes, we were talking about clips and how they just take... I know what we were talking about. I just pretended we didn't see what happened.

Good for you. Good for you. But of course, I actually want to know the answer too because... I want to give you the answer. Because it is very frustrating that when you're in the middle, that's what I was saying, and saying and you over the course of an hour of real time you can take like three or four great clips for you on Fox News and show them where I'm calling the left out on their bullshit or occasionally saying yeah you know this is not the stupidest idea I ever heard of. And then you can do the same thing on the left-wing stations.

You can, if you want to make me look good to your audience, you can show all the times I'm excoriating Donald Trump and calling out that administration and that list of things I hate. Or if you hate me on liberal media, just show the ones where I'm saying the things that the Fox News crowd likes. So I can't watch the whole show. You lose control of the narrative because the wrong clips go out. And people just want to hear what they already believe fed back to them. So if you already believe on the left that I'm some sort of red-pilled person who's now

become a conservative, you can be fed things where all you see me doing is saying, yeah, I don't hate this, let's get rid of the penny or whatever it is. And then you can manipulate, and they do, because that's what feeds their kitty. They want those same eyeballs coming back to them. So it's a lonely place in the middle. It can be a lonely place. Fuck them. I don't care.

I've got my middle people. So before the internet, you didn't have to... But there were still people who would write about the show. Well, they got my first show canceled. Yeah, exactly, so there was still this sort of different kind of energy pushback. Yeah, I mean. Like this is a little bit.

I was canceled when it was like literal. We're actually canceled. We're using that word to make sure you're not doing. Have you been credited with being coining that term possible? No. You don't want to be credited with that. No. And also, I mean, things like people had been fired on television.

Those were crazy times. It was 9-11, right? 9-11, yeah. Those were crazy times. Was that the beginning of this sort of new kind of crazy that we're seeing in our politics? Well, I mean, that was, okay, so I moved in here January of 2001, which is actually the, you know, 2000 is still, I think, technically the last century, I think the first year of the 21st century. So we're literally days into the 21st century.

Yeah. Okay. Which is a little, could be something if you were the kind of person who believed in spooky stuff. Okay, so I move in here January and you're already here and then the house burns down and then 9-11. I'm wondering, maybe it's you, Tom. Maybe.

No? Is that a crazy theory? I mean, it's a heavy thing to blame me with, for sure. It's a lot for me to consider. It's crazy, though. Was that the beginning of... That's the beginning of kind of this sort of... Things weren't as political before that. It seems weird to say. Obviously things have been political of, things weren't as political before that. It seems weird to say, obviously things have been political forever,

but doesn't it seem like, and they're not been sort of a reprieve on this kind of divisive politics or something for 10 years or 20 years? It literally goes back to- I don't remember it being that great. I know, but- Reagan, Reagan, Reagan.

It goes through periods. I mean, the period when you were a formative youth, you're right. It was, they were always at each other's throats, but there was a civility to it. And also they both played by the rules. That's exactly what I was asking. I mean, in 2000, Al Gore lost or didn't.

There was a lot of shenanigans. They talk about shenanigans with Trump in 2020. There was no shenanigans in 2020. of shenanigans. They talk about shenanigans with Trump in 2020. There was no shenanigans in 2020. No shenanigans. I could quote all the people who were involved, the election commission, many of his own appointees. It was one of the smoothest, fairest, most, they had their eyes on it for good reason. There were hanging chads. That was to that, right.

That was Gore. Hanging Chads. That was to that, right. That was Gore. Hanging Chads. Was that Gore Bush? The Secretary of State was Republican in the state of Florida. The governor was Jeb Bush, the guy's brother. Well, that's where the Chads were being counted. Whatever it was. You know what? The truth is Al Gore and Bush, they played to a tie.

And then it was like, okay, the Republicans had the Supreme Court and that was it. And Al Gore said, yeah, you know what, I got robbed, but for the good of the team, that's gone with Trump. And that's why the people who think, oh, Bill, you're so clear-eyed about the problems on the left, yeah, I am, clear-eyed about the problems on the left.

Yeah, I am. But I'm not coming over to your side. That's so much worse that you guys will not acknowledge when you lose an election. That is a non-negotiable with me. You know, we can't talk about it. That's it. That's the essence of the country. Yeah.

So... So I'm moving to Canada is what I'm saying. By the way... We'd love to have you, Bill. My girl, Chris Jafreeland, and I say my girl, like I'm really close and I'm not, but... You should move to Canada, by the way. No.

But she used to be on Real Time. Okay. And now she's going to be the Prime Minister. Okay. I'm a big fan. She was always great on the show. Who is that? Christa Freeland.

Oh, Christa Freeland. Oh yes, right. I didn't hear you. You were talking about Christa Freeland. She's been on real time. She's great. Yeah, well, let's see what happens. She was the minister. She was a minister. I forget what department. She was very important in the Trudeau government. And then quit and said she basically didn't believe in him anymore. You come up and campaign on her behalf? That to me is the woke versus liberal debate in Canada, the one I'm having here and I'm her.

Yeah. I'm her. Do you think she could be the next? She could be the next. I hope so. I think she's smart. Trudeau resigned. Savvy.

But there's still not been an election as of yet. So they're gonna call in calling an election soon and there's gonna be a leadership race on the Liberal Party. And Christy Friedland is running for leader of the Liberal Party. And there's also Mark Carney as well. But you're parliamentarians.

Yeah. I am a parliamentarian. I am not personally one, but parliamentarian. You're a country. I used to go up there all the time. No, I used to go up to the parliament buildings all the time though when I was a kid in Ottawa. I used to go down there and just play soccer on the front lawn of the parliament buildings. Yeah.

Are you kidding? No, I actually did do that. Yeah. Because? Because I was doing a college radio show in downtown Ottawa. And I would say at the end of the show, midnight till two in the morning, every Friday night, I'd say, anyone wanna come meet me

on the front lawn of the Parliament buildings, bring a soccer ball and some pizza, and we'll go play soccer out there till four in the morning. Then we go and we play soccer on the, not to cut you off that story, but it... No, no, no. It's so... No, I love that.

That was one of the fun things I love to do in Ottawa. That's why I...when you talk about the Canadian government and Trudeau and all the elections and all that stuff that's going on out there, I also think of it sometimes just in real personal terms. I basically grew up in Ottawa. When you say parliament, for instance, I think about how beautiful our parliament buildings are. Have you seen our parliament buildings? Have you seen them before, Bill? Quite beautiful buildings, by the way.

I wanted to start that way. When I got to Cornell, what you're describing, I wanted to be, get on the college radio and be the college funny prankster on there. I thought that was gonna be my first entree. Yep, yep, yep. And I did not succeed. It was the easiest way to get into broadcasting though,

through radio, right? No, I mean, I'm telling you, this is very evocative for me to hear you talk about it, because when I went off to Cornell, I had already wanted to be a comedian for 10 years. I just kept it inside. So now I'm away from home. I really wanted to be in New York like hanging out at the clubs, but I got to go to college first. And I thought, yeah, that's it. And I remember practicing like in my room, like to be say things like pre, you know, pre pre-ad libs.

That I could say it. Just announce it. And I never even got the nerve to go audition. Really? Yeah. You wanted to do radio, but you just never... I was a shy person. I was very, very shy as a teenager,

a kid as a teenager, into college. So at what moment do you get up on stage then? What age? How does that decision get made? The first time I ever got on stage was in high school. I emceed the talent show. And it was so exhilarating to get laughs. I was hooked like a drug, like a drug I've never had since.

And the next time I got up on stage was at Cornell. They had poetry readings on like Thursday, Thursday afternoon in the Temple of Zeus coffee shop. And I got up there when people are doing poems. And I tried to do like material. Stand up, sure, yeah. Well, it was like a top 10 list. They must have loved that.

I mean, it's probably gotta be better than poetry. It was like something like, you. They must have loved that. I mean, probably better than poetry, you know. It was like something like... I mean, I like poetry, but I'd rather see someone attempt stand up than someone sincerely pull off poetry, to be honest with you. It's funny even watching stand up when it fails really sometimes. In that environment in college, you must have been good. So did you do that regularly then? Well, then I mean, all the time I was in college I was like sort of like why am I here learning

about Homer when I should be like in New York? Study philosophy? Telling a joke. I studied all the liberal arts stuff. I got an English major degree, but history, English, classics. I loved mine. The education they gave me at Cornell I cannot front. Awesome.

And I am a different person because of it. One who can survive in a cocktail party with anybody. Not dominate, but survive. And not be laughed out of the room with any group of, except astrophysicists, not science. But anybody- They don't party anyways. Astrophysicists, they don't really ever go out. Well, I think Neil deGrasse Tyson gets down. Okay, okay. I know. I've been out with you. I guess you know more than I do.

You've probably met more. You've met more astrophysicists than me, so I wouldn't really know. I'm just speaking off of a hunch, basically. I'm just, he's just a fun guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not only when you see him on my show or any show, but like I've been with him at Seth MacFarlane's parties.

And he's just a great guy to hang with. And he doesn't always wanna talk about astrophysics. He would like actually a break from that, I think. But people. Yeah, because do people come up and ask him sort of technical questions that they really need answered? I mean, it's like seeing Rocky and wanting to punch him in the jaw.

Right, right, right. I don't want to talk about wormholes or string theory anymore. That's it. Who else are you going to throw that question to? I see an asteroid is heading toward Earth. The astronauts? I said I see an asteroid is heading toward Earth. Asteroid, yeah, absolutely. I know, 2032, yeah. And there's also, I thought you were

talking about the astronauts that are stuck up there. No, I just think it's a great conversation breaker there. Yeah, it's absolutely nice. I see an asteroid. The entire planet is going to be destroyed in 10 years. What are you planning on doing about that? That's a good question. Seven years actually, Tom.

I was never good at math, but yeah. 2032, okay. I'm torn between trying to survive and kissing my ass goodbye. So you're making an extra effort to survive seven years so you can see the asteroid, or would you rather just not have to witness that? If it's gonna hit and wipe out all life on Earth,

I want it to hit me right in the head. Right, right, please make it a direct hit. I wanna be part of the cleanup committee. Yeah, yeah. Now, why do you think they're so exasperated by this? Because I assume it's the same reason why the dinosaurs were wiped out because it's not the asteroid itself

that's gonna dent the earth so bad. It's that it creates a... Yeah, the whole atmosphere is full of dust and the sun is bluffed out. That's it. And it becomes frigid winter and we all freeze to death. Except for those few hearty enough ones

who dug little shelters for themselves and lived off freeze-dried noodles for the next generation, essentially. How do you think it would affect? Do you wanna be part of that group that ate freeze-dried noodles underground for a generation to try to repopulate the Earth, or would you rather have a direct hit?

You say direct hit. Well, when you put it that way. You get to continue. You could probably open up a little comedy club in there or something like that, keep everybody entertained, repopulate the earth eventually because of you, because of you keeping everybody. Underground comedy. There'd be stuff to do.

Literally underground comedy. There'd be stuff to do. Literally underground comedy. There'd be stuff to do, yeah. So when you built the studio here, this has been a lot of fun, right? I'm telling you, it hasn't changed at all. Yeah, well I'm not talking about the structure, just when you put the cameras in, started doing the show here, that must have been a lot of fun, right?

What's fun is that I wouldn't be here with you without it. Which is a shame, because I'm having such a great time. I always liked you, I mean I was disappointed we never got to be friendlier when you were the neighbor. I always thought you were just an innovator. So that's what's great about a podcast, is that it's like you can summons people. Now, they don't have to answer the summons. But it's like, I would like to talk to you.

So I had built a little studio in my house in 2005. I had a lot of people over and did a lot of interviews, and I got to make so many good friends. I got to know Norm MacDonald, I mentioned, who I was idolized growing up, but then I got to know him and become friends with him. But that's a great thing about doing this. It's fun. But you've got a studio here.

There's like... Yeah, we have to, I mean, you know, look, I'm trying to make it the least likely, the least like a studio. Yeah, no, for sure, yeah. But yeah, there has to be cameras and people operating them somewhere, I assume. I don't get involved with the details. So other than Johnny Carson, before 1980,

who was your favorite? I'll tell you who else was out. Including David Letterman. David Letterman didn't come along until 1982. That's why I say it was all of the others. Merv Griffin, Jack Parr, Steve Allen. Jack Parr was before my time. Did you like Jack Parr?

I bet you like Jack Parr. As I say, before my time. Have you gone back and looked at his work? All I know about Jack Parr, no bet you like Jack Parr. As I say, before my time... But I mean, have you gone back and looked at his work? All I know about Jack Parr... No, I really haven't. Really? All I know about Jack Parr... He was great.

...is that my parents spoke well of him. Yeah, yeah. But my parents are sophisticated. So that I can... He was a bit of a shit-disturber too, though. Yes, he was. He quit on the air. Yes.

And then he came back a week later and went back in the air and said some funny line. Like, I said, I said, there's gotta be, cause when he quit, he said, there's gotta be a better way to make a living than this. And he quit on NBC live, walked off. And then he went away to Africa. And then he came back and he, the show was still a hit. He got the, they gave him the show again.

After he quit, he came back live on NBC and he said, I went and had a look and when I left, I said there was gotta be a better way to make a living than this, I went and had a look and it turns out there isn't. Then he continued the show for like another, I don't know how many years, few years, not too much longer.

And then it was Steve Allen after that. It's amazing that he had to have that revelation. Or no, it was Johnny Carson after Jack Parr, right? Yes. Jack Parr, Johnny Carson. Correct. Jack Parr, I know, was 57 to 62. So I was a toddler.

Incredible interviews, though, with Jack Parr, you know, Kennedy. I mean, again. Muhammad Ali and all these sorts of people. Well, first of all, the country was so different. The people were. Johnny Carson also used to do an author every night. An author?

Can you imagine an author? Was the show 90 minutes at one point? Yes, it was 90 minutes at one point. Every night? Yeah. The country was different, and so the talk show hosts reflected that. Johnny Carson himself, as great as he was, wouldn't survive today. and so the talk show hosts reflected that.

Johnny Carson himself, as great as he was, wouldn't survive today, too slow. Attention spans are different. People's just with the phone and the pace of things and the depth of understanding. No, you can't do the show, he did. And that was just into the early 90s. You know, then Jay Leno was the right guy for the right time.

Yeah, it's always been very controversial, the whole hierarchy in talk television. It is interesting. It is sort of like a royal family position in the country. That's American. The talk show person who, and you know, it's a reflection of where I think, well it was, where the middle was.

I mean, Johnny and Letterman and Leno, they were in the middle. Now talk shows are just, all of them are to very far left. Not to say I wouldn't agree with them on most of those shows, but I think and Leno, they were in the middle. Now talk shows are just, all of them are very far left. Not to say I wouldn't agree with them on most of those issues, but they do not attempt to please anybody except the people who are already voting for Kamala Harris.

If you're not voting for her, you are not gonna feel welcome watching this. You're not gonna feel welcome watching Saturday Night Live. Exactly. Yeah. And it seems like it's become kind of the priority is to talk about that subject and to talk politics. It used to be a one joke about Reagan or something, and then we move on. So the whole monologue's about politics, and it's all about the sort of social issues. Oh well, that is, yes. I mean, and Leno and Carson,

and Lunderman did jokes about what was going on politically also, but they found a way to do it in a way that wasn't obvious where their feelings were. And there was plenty to be made as there always is on both sides. But that's not where we are now. Why is that? Why isn't there not a more, is it because it's just social media's divided

things so much that you have to pick a side firmly? Is that what it is? Or is it because does the internet made that happen? Because the shows have their internet, so they get all these comments coming through. Oh, we better please these comments. Well, it starts with Fox News. That's the beginning of the problem. There was no such thing as Fox News like a right wing media. Every media organization tried to be down the middle.

That's why Leno and Letterman and Carson tried to be down the middle. That's why Leno and Letterman and Carson tried to be down the server. You're not saying to one half of the country, we don't even bother. I mean, twice when Trump won, Saturday Night Live did not do an opening sketch. They had a fucking dirge. Now, they just had their big 50th anniversary. Look, Lorne Michaels, I don't know him, never worked for him. Canadian. But, yeah, Canadian, yes. Yeah.

I'm just gonna say, anytime you mention a Canadian, I'm gonna say they're Canadian, just so you know. And he's the biggest Canadian. Because literally nobody even comes close to the effect this guy has had on comedy for a half a century. I mean, it would be easier to name the comedy movie stars who weren't coming through the silent life factory. I mean, not to mention the several late night franchises,

just the stamp on the industry. Yeah, it's unbelievable. Is just enormous. But to have a dirge, okay, so I'm reading this article about him and he says, I said to the cast, and maybe this is in the early days, we're playing to all 50 states. Well, you're not anymore.

Or at least not all people in 50 states. Trump wins. Like, I didn't vote for him either. But I wouldn't do a fucking funeral. Like where the cast is there somberly. Oh, we're here. Yeah, it's still America. You're fine.

Most people will be fine. Yes, there's a lot of shit I don't like. I've got a whole hate list. But this is how America voted. America, I thought you loved democracy. But you can't do a sketch. You can't be funny. You have to, like, tell us how in mourning you are.

That shit leaves me cold. You feel it's too partisan, for sure. Is that what you got out of that story? SNL is. It tends to be more of equal. They won the election, and you're a comedy show, and the left is so far from perfect. So the idea that we have to have a few...

There was always sort of politics in SNL, but now more so than ever. I mean, it was Gerald Ford fell down the flight of stairs. Yeah, but that's not what's political Yeah, exactly. So yeah, well, it's a wise I mean, why is that though? Why has everything gotten so political? I guess I think it began with Fox News Right exactly and then I think they they politicized news. It was not the internet, it was cable TV. I think that's the beginning. When the beginning of the division happened

because it was peeping for viewers. He had to split the audience. Well, first of all, they felt that... There was three channels, and Walter Cronkite's on at night. Well, four with Fox. They can be non-biased or to be central. Then when the cable came in... Okay, now Fox News would say, They can be non-biased or to be central.

Then when the cable came in... Okay, now Fox News would say... CBS never went right wing and NBC went left wing back in 1953 to compete against each other. Exactly what I'm getting to. Fox News would say, not without some merit, that it was necessary to have a right-wing media organization because the majority of the media had gone so far left and was in the pocket of the left. Now, there is some truth to that. It got crazy worse, but this is not how it was then. But

just as an example, there was a whistleblower at NPR last year, a guy who worked there. I think his name was Uri Berliner. And he just didn't like the fact that you were squelched if you tried to present anything other than the super, super duper far-woke left point of view on NPR. So it comes out that of the 87 top managers at NPR, the number who voted Democratic was 87. Now even if you're a Democrat, that's not a good thing. No, no. That's when you have, that's incest,

that's intellectual incest. And you know what incest produces. Well, it's, is it just cause the, is it regional? I mean, you travel around the country, so you know, is that what it is? Just cause most television has always come out of New York and Los Angeles, I guess, right? So this is what happened.

Well, yeah, I mean, the media definitely has an enormous effect on how the country's mores change, often for good. Gay marriage would never have happened if Americans didn't see gay people in sitcoms acting like regular people. Right. And not horrible people. Sure, sure. And people you love.

And TV, and that was a great thing. That happened after Cable too, would you say? Well that happened when was Will and Grace on? Yeah, so Cable, and TV expanded, yeah, so yeah. But it was a network show. Yeah, network show, yeah. And I'm sure there were other shows and, you know, I mean, when I was a child, it was a scandal

because at the end of a duet in the late 60s, Harry Belafonte, a black man, like planted, I think, a little kiss on the cheek of a white girl and lost all the Southern affiliates. Yeah. Okay, and then at some point, Tom Cruise kissed Fannie Newton in a mainstream movie. William Shatner as well, Star Trek.

Kissed green chicks. Canadian, by the way. Yeah, and has sat there in that chair twice. It must be fun to hang out with Shatner. I love him. I love him. You know, he I sat there in that chair twice. It must be fun to hang out with Shia. I love him. Yeah. I love him. You know, he was my first landlord in Los Angeles.

I thought you were gonna say first lover. No, no, no. But this is, that's. Not what I said at all. I know, but it's. But he's a good guy, though. Why can't we just go with that? It's a better story.

When I moved out, when I came to MTV, I rented a house and it was. This hat, right? He owned the house and rented it to me. Wow. He was, he'd come over and say hi once in a while, great. When I came to MTV, I rented a house. Is that right? He owned the house and rented it to me. He would come over and say hi once in a while. A lot of fun, yeah. Great guy.

Must be fun to sit and talk to. I've never gone to interview him. I've gone to interview people, though. I've done quite a few interviews over the years. I enjoy it, I enjoy. Well, I couldn't help but notice you fall naturally into that role. You're doing more interviewing than I am.

I'm sitting here stoned. You're the guy who's like, and I love it. I mean, I'm more than happy to go either way. But you have this natural inclination. It's great. It's like a curiosity. Yeah, well, it's not a nice opportunity to get to interview. I've not got to get to interview.

I have interviewed a lot of people though before because I've done, you know, like that's something that I've kind of enjoyed the, really enjoyed kind of trying to, not just doing it because I like meeting people and like getting to know people, but it's also, yeah, it's been fun. It's been fun.

Like, so I built a TV studio in my living room in 2005. That's so you to put it in the living room. My house wasn't as big as this. I had a couple of rooms. One of them was the living room. That was the room, the only room that was big enough to put a couple cameras in. But no, it was fun. It was fun. There is know, it's like, there is sort of a, something about being able to have a... So when you have guests now to do this in your home where you live now.

Well I'm not really doing a podcast right now where I'm interviewing people, so I'm just kinda not doing that. But I may build a podcast studio in my barn though. I have a barn. You have a barn? I do not have a barn. Do you have a barn? I do not have a barn, if you mean some place where I keep hay and horses.

Do you have any animals? Do you have any pets right now? Yes, but they're not horses. No, dogs or? Yes, dogs. How many dogs do you have? Two from, as of six o'clock, but they're very old. Oh, okay, yeah, how old are they?

What kind of dogs are they? I mean, one of them's gotta be a thousand. I don't know he I Mean I've had him since 2010 and he wasn't a puppy then a big dog like what kind of no No, he said you know what kind of dog that's him as kid rock. Oh like a chihuahua kind of yeah He looks like a sure he's not a little it's a little Chico trash chico. Yeah, nice chico. Hello chico. Yeah's a little dog? He's a half- Chico trash dog. Chico, yeah. Nice, Chico. Hello. Chico, yeah.

Are they both Chihuahuas or small dogs? No, and then Chula is half German Shepherd, half Pitbull, you'd never guess. It looks like a German Shepherd, but not as big. Yeah, good guard dogs that let you know when there's something going on? No, oh, fuck no. They're a thousand years old. One of them, Chula's that let you know when there's something going on? Oh, fuck no. They're a thousand years old.

One of them is, the chula's blind, you know, takes a million years just to get up. You had them since they were puppies? Well, again, Chico, I'm guessing was about two when I had them. You've had them for most of their lives. Oh, yes. So they weren't always... No. When they were younger, were they good guard dogs?

No. No, were they good guard dogs? Did. No, were they good guard dogs? Did bark? No. No, but that's... Always been kind of just a chill dog. That's my fault because I don't train dogs. Well, you know, it's kind of nice when they don't bark at everything that goes by, actually.

Oh, no, he barks at things that don't go by. I mean, Chico just stands in the middle of the... The reason why he's alive, unlike the other one who never moves, because she's blind, I can't blame her, but is because Chico takes his job very seriously as a guard dog So he stands in the middle of the driveway at night and just barks at nothing He just preemptively wants to tell everybody don't fuck with me. I'm Chico. Yeah, I'm here. I'm in the middle of this driveway I've got one eye and I can bite and I will bite. He'll bite me. You know she's doing that because she's trying to protect you.

Yes, no, no. Because she loves you. Chico takes his job very... Loves you and wants to make sure that you are safe. Yes, no, no. Chico takes his job very seriously and that's what keeps him young. Yeah.

Or he's not young. It keeps him alive. I don't know if he's still alive. But I'm glad he is. I mean, the last time you saw Chico. Was right before I came over here. So still alive, I would say. Yeah.

I mean, I worry about them like that because, well, it's, you know, I buried right, like maybe 25 feet that way from this building, up that hill, is my dog graveyard. Oh. Like maybe 25 feet that way from this building, up that hill, is my dog graveyard. And there's five graves there. Oh wow, yeah. And I personally dug all of them because I found it to be a very cathartic experience

to dig the grave yourself. I did one in a howling rainstorm. It was so therapeutic. With the tears rolling down my cheeks, mixing with the rain. Yeah, well it's... I'd like to thank the Academy. No, but it's because, you know,

it is one of the worst things you have to do, right? I mean, animals to do, right? I mean, animals are family, right? These are family, I had to put, I had two huskies for 15 years, I went through that. It's a horrible thing, right? But you have to kind of move on, and they had great lives, I'm sure.

They all live, you know. You'll appreciate this from apropos to our discussion there about people in the middle and all that shit. But I quoted this lady I read on a story in the Free Press last year. She had lived in New York with her husband, exactly what you would think of as like a left-wing liberal couple in Brooklyn. Okay.

Not bad people. Again, I would probably agree with them on most issues. They decided to move up to the country, just like you did, but this is upstate New York. Sure, the Poconos. Well, that's Pennsylvania. Oh yeah, right, right. No, no, sort of what I'm thinking of. The, uh...

It's closer to where I went to college, at Cornell. Okay, yeah. I think in New York. I think in New York, is like, outside of Cornell, you'd think you were in Alabama. Yeah, no, I... I mean, Shacks, and like, meth, that kind of stuff.

Okay. Like, as soon as you get out of New York... I mean, shacks and meth, that kind of stuff. Like as soon as you get out of New York. There's a lot of shacks and meth in Alabama? You said you think it was like Alabama. You said shacks and meth. I'm just like, there probably is a lot of shacks and meth in Alabama. I think just, I'm not saying this in a put down way.

No, no, no, I wanted to clarify. Appalachia. Yeah, sure. Appalachia, which stretches over, I think, seven or eight states. I'm sure there's meth and crack. I think there's definitely meth. If I can believe what I saw on that.

If you're gonna bet on a place to have it, that would be the place, probably. Did you ever see Winter's Bone? Really great movie. Jennifer Lawrence's first movie movie before she was known. Okay, cool. And it's about life in, you know, West Virginia, Appalachia, and meth, and everybody. It does not have a false note, and I say that as someone who would not know what a false

note was in a movie about West Virginia, because I don't know about that area, but it just seems very true. Anyway, so why were we talking about that? Why were we talking about that? Yeah, why did we get onto meth in West Virginia? Well, we were talking about something important. Yeah, let's talk about, we don't have to talk about meth anymore.

I don't think we really need to talk about meth. Well, that's one drug I, I. Have you done meth? Have you taken meth? I've never taken meth for the record. I've never. Yes. Partaken in the meth.

You have actually. At Cornell. Cornell was. Cornell was a different time. You were, it was sort of all these drugs were kind of new experimental, the Beatles were just gonna, right? Right, the Beatles, right?

They started all that. Well, the Beatles had split up by this. They got the ball rolling and all that, though. They mainstreamed mass and stuff. Now, this is mid-70s. The Beatles, John Lennon hadn't even appeared in like three years. No, no, but they got the ball rolling on that,

and now it's Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin. What was music? What were you listening to? Zeppelin was huge in the 70s, yeah. And what were you, were you listening to Zeppelin? I was listening to Zeppelin, Jackson Brown. Okay. Those were my two big ones, big go-tos.

You listened on a record, on vinyl, you had a record player in your place? Yeah, we were still into vinyl, sure. Or tapes. Yeah, tapes, right? Tapes. I was all tapes, pretty much. Vinyl just disappeared, basically, when I was a kid.

So it was cassette tapes was pretty much my era. Which was, seemed like it wasn't as cool as vinyl, but now at this time, you know, I would love to be in a cassette tape world right now, listening to music on cassette tape or vinyl. I don't love having to listen to music on this digital stuff, but it's great to have access to the music, but it was nice to just be able to put in that album push play, listen to the whole album.

Yeah, I don't miss that at all. You really don't? No. I have my vinyl collection though, and kids see it and they just flip. Do you listen. You really don't? No, I have my vinyl collection though. Yeah. And kids see it and they just flip. And do you listen to your vinyl a lot? No, never. You never listen to it?

Why would I? You never go, do you have a record player? No, you know what I use? That's probably why you don't. You gotta get a good record player. I use the iPod. Okay, yeah, yeah. I don't wanna bore people,

I always talk about my love of the iPod. Surprised you don't have your. There are advantages to the iPod that I insist. Oh, the actual original iPod? Yeah. Like not your phone. You have the actual device still? With the circle.

They still make that or? You can get them on eBay. You just have a vintage one. I have five of them. Wow, and you love, because I like. There are advantages to it. I promise you. I agree with that, for sure.

I don't have one, but I remember having them because it's nice because all the music's there, it doesn't disappear, there's no ads popping up. It's your music, you feel like you own it. Thank you. And also, yeah, I don't think if you're on a streaming service, I think not every artist is licensed to every service,

so I don't think you can have every song you actually want. I mean, can I get all 4,000 songs on one service? I know what I can't do is edit the beginning or end of a song, which I can do on an iPod. Because it's on your computer. And all you gotta do is go to options. And many songs need the beginning or end clipped. Really?

You're not a fan of some over long intros and the 70s rock stuff? You just want to get right to the guitar solo or right to the first verse? Big intros in some of those old Led Zeppelin songs. So it was really... There's people's phone machine messages on some of those songs.

Right, right, right. There's people talking to a live audience for two minutes and telling the same story I want to hear a million times. So do you actually... There's applause at the end. Or yes, sometimes musicians do make mistakes and they just put 30 or 40 seconds of some sort of ambient bullshit that's supposed to set up the song, but it doesn't. So this is a pet peeve of yours and therefore you've gone and edited a lot of your songs

to remove these? It will become... Well, it's not a pet peeve of yours and therefore you've gone and you've edited a lot of your songs it will become yeah Well, it's not a pet peeve a pet peeve a pet peeve would be it irritates you enough that you've actually done something about it Yeah Like you sit down on a computer and edit the front out of a bunch of songs So I don't listen to them ever again to listen to the beginning or end Yeah, you just want to get to the meat of it. You're making it sound worse than it is. I'm telling you, I'm getting rid of stuff that is bullshit. And you're...

I'm just fucking around, but like... I know. It is funny, the picture you're actually sitting down... But I'm not going to let you get away with it. OK, OK. The pretending that what I'm taking off is because I'm just sort of some sort of nut who's only like a hook junkie.

Just give me the middle 30 seconds of that song where they go, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah. No, no, no, I'm cutting off actual bullshit. I'm cutting off the fat off this steak that I don't want to eat. I'm not saying it's a nutty thing to do. I'm just saying it's like, it's a little more, most people would just not do anything about it.

That is true. And that's why I more, most people would just not do anything about it. That is true. Yeah. And that's why I'm not most people. It's not crazy, it's just a little bit more than the average person would do. They wouldn't go and cut the song, cut a little file and only carry a vintage iPod. It takes two seconds. Because it's the only thing that allows them to do that. They just listen to a different song without the intro they don't like or whatever.

It takes 30 seconds. Yeah, that's cool. That's cool, I like that. The sound quality is better too, I think, than through the internet. The sound quality is actually better. Also, I must say, I know. More resolution or whatever than the audio.

First of all, maybe you can do this on a playlist in Spotify or Pandora or whatever. Maybe you can do this, so just don't write me letters if you can, but with the iPod, you put it on shuffle. No, with the iPod, you can mark also songs as skip when shuffling. So in other words, of my 4,200 songs. Right, right, you won't get this.

I don't wanna hear Christmas music on shuffle. And there's other stuff I have in there, you know, yoga music. So I marked all those. Or even particular songs in general, specific songs. I mean, I don't want just like upbeat songs, ballads or no, lots of stuff, but like comedy record. No, that's not going to come up on shuffle Yeah, you know you're listening to music It's music some of it might be slow some of it might be song for I love putting it on shuffle Frank Sinatra Comes up and then to park so this is on your iPod and then it's plugged into your speakers

Or you plug it in the car when you get the car do you plug it in the car? I have one of you get in the car. Yeah, so it's an iPod Not the old iPod in the car, but you can get in the car? I have one, you can get in the car, yeah. So it's an iPod. Not the old iPod in the car, but you can get this music of your, yeah. That's cool. Yeah, it is. Music is a very important thing, like to actually listen to music and enjoy music.

Oh, so important. And now this is, you're gonna say, is not rational and it probably isn't, but I also believe that my iPod on shuffle does speak to me. Like there are messages that come through with the songs that it's picking on shuffle. I mean, it's just, there's too many times and it's been just

eerie. This is a bit nutty, but no, not, even for you. But I'm done. So you really do think there's sort of a, like you, some synchronistic sort of I think the Lord works in mysterious ways. Songs will come on, it just doesn't make any sense that that would play right now. Is it possible like a lot of songs have themes of emotion

and it sort of reappears throughout us? I thought it not. I swear to God. Because a lot of songs are both... That's exactly the right answer to what I'm saying. You're feeling bad a certain day and a sad song comes on and oh, you know. If it was just that simple.

But it's more specific than that. So specific. Like it really is. Yeah. Wow. Like I'll be thinking about a song for a certain reason and then it'll play the first thing up on the shuffle. I mean it's just, it's...

I believe in that. I feel like the Chinese are involved somehow. With TikTok, it's just, it's... I believe in that. I feel like the Chinese are involved somehow. With TikTok, it's TikTok's algorithm. I'm saying that they're... No. There is, so you consider yourself a spiritual person? Not up until that minute, but I don't. So in fact, I'm not even sure what it means.

And even some form of energy coming from the iPod, though, some sort of... Maybe that could be God? That's what I'm saying. It does rhyme. Right, right, right. I'm just reporting. I'm not making any judgments or conclusions. I'm just saying the iPod shuffle does speak to me. It just suggests things through the music

that it could not possibly have known. We didn't arrange anything, I've never met this magician before. It just doesn't, it just doesn't. And I'm not saying this is a reason why they shouldn't make it so that I can't use my iPod, but I do worry about Apple someday just making it so it just doesn't exist at all because you have to...what I like about it is you can edit all this stuff like on your computer.

We have a vintage iPod. But then you have to put the iPod in the dock to transfer from the computer. They could cut that off at any time. They could change the format that music's recorded on. I mean, they've already... What are they, MP3s? No, I don't know what it is, but I mean, I can't do it. All the songs are in a certain file.

But at some point, I did have to, you know, get a super-duper computer expert to undo something Apple had changed. With iPods. So your iPod wasn't working for a second? It would not. Wow. Yeah, it would not re, you know. Yeah, sure, sure.

Yeah, it's, I miss owning the music in a tangible way, right? Where it just doesn't. Right. You sort of have this organized set of music, whether this is, you know, you could just get a record player and get back to listening to music, but they can't take that in the car and all that stuff. Also, I like the fact that I have the music I have and they can't change it because you

see they do change songs because, you know, woke Canadian assholes, for example, are the type of people that don't believe in free speech like they don't anymore in Germany or England. And so, so like they will change songs. I saw- We have freedom of speech in the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Yeah, well, you gotta fight for it. You can say whatever you want up there.

Okay, I hope so. Yeah, we can. Because I, I don't know. I think it's a little overblown. There was a something about sharing news on social media. No, it's not Canada, but England has arrested people for opinions on the internet. Yeah, it's not Canada, but England has arrested people for opinions on the internet.

And I'm not down with that. And so is Germany. I think there's been some misinformation about, me getting all Canadian right now, but there's been some misinformation about Canadian freedom of speech though, that's been floating around out there like we've got freedom of speech in Canada. It's in our Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedom.

We have freedom of the press, freedom of assembly. Yeah, well just because something's in our Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedom. We have freedom of the press, freedom of assembly. Yeah, well, just because something's in a charter, we have it too, and Trump is threatening that, and sometimes the left is threatening that too. I've never experienced a situation where I can't say something up there. There are hate speech laws in Canada, so there are things you can't say,

but you know what, who would want to say that shit anyways? Well, that's not what free speech means. It's a slight, but there's a clearly defined definition of what hate speech is. So it's not overreaching, it's fairly specific. The Supreme Court... Pretty much say anything you want except for extreme things that you would not agree with, I would think, and that nobody would really want to agree with in a civilized society. You don't know what free speech is then.

You don't know. That's not what free speech is. That's the definition of not free speech. Like what everybody thinks. Not everybody thinks the same. The Supreme Court ruled in our country that the Nazis could march in Skokie, Illinois, which they were marching in because it is a community of a lot of Holocaust survivors, many of whom were still alive at the time.

And the Supreme Court said, as abhorrent as that is, that is what free speech is about. Anybody can defend the speech that we all like. But sometimes it changes what people like. And you just don't want to be limited that way. Now, if you are literally inciting violence, or kiddie porn, or something like that, yes, there are things, and they're already illegal. But it gets very dangerous in my view. There was a lot of talk about banning TikTok in America,

though that's almost like a clamping down of. Well that was different. They didn't banning TikTok in America, though. That's almost like clamping down on... Well, that was different. They didn't ban it, but I mean, they were... Well, actually, they passed a law to ban it, and Trump, who's king now, just said, I'm undoing that. Yeah. I mean, it was probably his first blatantly illegal thing he did.

I think it probably was favorable to him, TikTok. It was favorable to Donald Trump in the election, so why would you wanna cancel that? Well, you know what your old boss is so good at? He's so good at picking off little constituencies. Like, he got it, oh TikTok, kids love TikTok. What do I care? I'll say TikTok's legal now. RFK.

He's like, you know, I don't know, this guy's a nut, but you know what? He's got a constituency, which he does. Like people who wanna make America healthy again. RFK combines like people from the left and people from the right. People, libertarian types from the right and super healthy moms from the left

who don't want, want to have raw goat milk and don't want their kids to have unnecessary vaccines. So Trump's like, oh, I'll pick off him. I mean, he's going to pardon this guy who was running an internet website. He's in jail. That was like all the nastiest shit. And he trumps like, well, no, it doesn't hurt me if I... and he'll get like a million, because this guy's got like a million faithful followers. Sure. Millions.

He's genius at doing that. Like picking off these little constituency where it doesn't hurt him. And it travels through the internet at the speed of light more than other things possibly. He pardons rappers. Kodak Black, he pardons. Yeah. So like lots of black guys who...

You like Kodak Black? He's pretty, I'm not sure if I could name one of his songs, but I like his music. I do not know his music and that's all on me. Why, is he really great? I mean, I listen to it a bit. I like it, but I'm not super aware of everything. What do you listen to when you're out on the tractor?

Uh, I listen to a lot of music that I, I was gonna ask you that too, but I did ask you that. But if I would go to Psycho, I listen to like Joy Division, New Order, I listen to Johnny Cash. Johnny Cash, I know him. Yeah, I listen to Neil Young. I listen to- Neil Young, Canadian. There is a town in North Ontario. Absolutely. I live in North Ontario, absolutely. It hits close to home when you hear some Neil Young

talking about Ontario. It's like Tom Petty singing about Ventura Boulevard. Right, oh I get it. It tugs on the... That's why I sang it. Yeah, absolutely, no, yeah. Yeah, I listen to, no let me think of what else I listen to, I wanna, cause when I younger, I listened to a lot of rap music,

but I don't really listen to it as, even though music I listened to growing up, it doesn't, you know, I don't feel like listening to, I won't say name the particular bands, but it just, I don't feel like listening to rap music that much as an adult. I wanna listen to something more like calming, something that's gonna calm me down, you know? When you get done with this RV trip that you're on.

Yeah, it's sort of, yeah, it's not an ongoing thing. I'm heading back up to Canada to tour. You gotta stay put for a while? Yeah, I'm touring, doing stand-ups, I'll be going out and doing shows and working. When you're on the road, so how many do you do like a bunch in a row? On this particular trip, it's been driving,

so it was one-nighters, so it was in Chattanooga, Nashville, and then... And you drive to, like, a band? I was on this trip. Over the last 20 years, I usually flew out, but when COVID happened, I kind of got this van. I started enjoying driving around, because, you know, rather than going to a comedy club

for a weekend and doing four shows, it's more like, oh, I'll just do one-nighters across as I go, and then not have to go to the airport, not have to go through all that. What do you do after the show? Well, right now I'm traveling with my fiance, so we're having a great time. We go get dinner and do what a man and his fiance does after a show.

Well, I don't know what you thought this program was, Mr. Green, but it's a family show and we don't like intimation. But other than that, we go get dinner and go visit the city. And we have a few days off here and there. So we, well, like right now, like we're not actually doing any shows until I'm in Colorado in a couple of weeks. So I'm here in Los Angeles for a week.

You know, here's something. I left Los Angeles and had not come back for three and a half, almost four years, until three days ago. So I lived here for 18 years. I lived here for 20 years. Really? When COVID happened, I sold my house when COVID happened that I'd owned for 18 years. I lived here for 20 years. Really? When COVID happened, I sold my house when COVID happened

that I'd owned for 18 years. There was nothing that brought you here. Well, I came here to see you. No, I mean, in all that time. No, there's nothing. Well, I wasn't trying to purposely avoid it, but I just kind of, yeah, it was sort of, there was no real reason to come

other than I have friends here that I missed, but I talk to them all the time on the phone and stuff and FaceTime and stuff. So I was kind of excited about setting up this farm. But this is actually the first time I've been back. So it's kind of interesting. And this is on Netflix? Prime, Amazon Prime. I mean, Amazon. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, it's on Prime. And the show. You know, they didn't tell me to watch it, but I'm anxious to see it. Yeah, it's fun. I should have seen it already. they didn't tell me to watch it, but I'm anxious to see it. Yeah, it's fine. I should have seen it already. I'm sorry. It's OK. I just wasn't told.

But it's on Amazon called. I don't think we would have talked about a lot of the things we talked about tonight if you had watched it. So I think it worked out for the best. That was Larry King's thing always. Like he would do very little crap. And he'd be like, hey, I want to be the guy who wants to know. If I know, why am I asking?

You know, I was Larry's guest host. You say love her again and I disappointed you. Not love her again, I'm sorry. God damn. I was his, I guest hosted his final show that he was doing there over, did you ever do a show in Burbank in that church? A million times. Oh, in Burbank?

Yeah, when he was doing it on Aura TV. Oh, Russian TV? No, well he had a show on Russian TV, which is politicking, and then he had a talk show on Aura TV. I feel like you gotta know when to get off the stage. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, Larry had a great run and I loved him. I thought you were talking about us right now.

But no, because we got real gigs. But like, you know, Russian TV, I'm not going to hang out on Russian TV. And I'm not going on one of those celebrities, you know, go in the jungle. Yeah, or a business competition with... Alright. Let's wrap it up. I could do it all night. So much fun. Welcome back to the Homestead.

Thank you, man. Thank you for the weed whacker. I'll get you into whatever. Thank you. That was so much fun. Thank you. Thank you. An honor. An honor and a pleasure. Thank you, Bill.