Club Random with Bill Maher - "Weird Al" Yankovic | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: November 14, 2022

Bill Maher and "Weird Al" Yankovic randomly riff on why Bill moved from his first house, Al’s birthday gift from his wife, the most common joke in a writers’ room, the famous people who went to Al’s high school, the making of the new Weird Al biopic “Weird,” SacheenLittlefeather’s awful treatment by the Hollywood establishment after she accepted the Oscar for Marlon Brando, the movie Quentin Tarantino has to make, and Al’s strict rules for life on his tour bus. Get a 4-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale at https://www.stamps.com/RANDOM. Thanks to Stamps.com for sponsoring the show Visit https://signalwire.com/random to sign up for a free account Get 20% off and free shipping at https://www.manscaped.com/random Just go to our special URL to try it for free https://www.ziprecruiter.com/random

Climb and now. Nice digs, man. Well, like your place. You know, I can say this every time somebody says that, but you're not everybody. I don't spend that much of your time. Yeah, he's still on this. Without the music, this place really needs music,

but we can't have music as we're talking. But it is a nine club. It's supposed to be. It was before it was a podcast studio. This is where I party. When I'm bought this place, this thing room was filled of video games, which I have the least interest in video games, you know. That came with the house? And that's what Ben had here, I think. Yeah, you know. And it was just very different, but it was, but the structure was the same. And that's what Ben had here, I think. You know, and it was just very different, but it was but the structure was the same and it was so cool, it was crooked. You saw the door is crooked. It's just like it's built on a hill on the side. It's just weird and I always love that you just feel

it's like you feel a vibe about a place. Where do you live? Not too far away. I'm up in the Hollywood hills. Like in the bird streets. Like I'm like, I'm sure. Yeah. And like how long you've been in that house? A bottle's only she about 20 years. Okay, so you were mature enough when you move there to be, I feel like at a certain point in life, like you know where you're supposed to live.

You walk into it and you just go, oh yeah, I'm supposed to live here. Whereas when you're young, I'm living in an apartment where it's just like it's whatever I could get for the money, you know. But I felt like when I walked into my house, which is not, you know, it's over there. It's near here.

Yeah, yeah. I said, oh yeah. First of all, it's built for a single person. Like very few houses are built that way. They're built for families. But mine's like, there's only one other bedroom beside the master bedroom, but then there's like a nice closet and outer office

and an office. It's just not built for kids. Yeah. What was this your first like kind of big house? This is my third house and I feel like I went up the ladder. Like the first house was like the first one you can afford. It's in a struggling neighborhood. Mine was, I moved because the hookers started to live on the corn, it lived. Well, but live, but they started to congregate on my corner. I lived right below sunset,

a little east of Fairfax. Right where Hugh Grant got his blowjob. Okay. I know the plaque on the corner there. Yeah. And that was the neighborhood. And the first house, you can't believe you're going to go from, I think my rent was 350.

And now I'm going to have a mortgage of 1400. It was like, holy shit, what did I just do? Because we were comics, right? Right. Yeah. I mean, we started almost at the same, I feel like you exploded in the early, it was like 83 or something. Yeah, like 84. And I remember my first place like it was like 84 and I remember my my first

Play was my balloon my gosh my well my balloon. I was not you know That was 79 was the original 79 when it came out the first time. Yeah, oh, okay So that's interesting because that was my very first year in Shred business. I mean, that's why my first year at a college That's when I moved to New York and they started to hang out at the improv and catch your rising stars in the show business. I mean, that's why my first year at a college, that's when I moved to New York and I started to hang out at the improv and catch a rising star.

Yeah. And it's very weird, you know, I almost called myself Weird Bill. You know, Weird, I almost called myself Weird Bill Yankovic. It was really amazing. What are the odds? I must say, I always thought when I heard your name, I always thought anybody who's named weird, like that's it, they must be like the most normal guy in the world.

It's like an ironic nickname, like a pleasy people are called tiny, you know, it's like I'm a thing. Exactly, am I right? Yeah. More normal guy in Hollywood. Exactly. Am I right? Yeah. Right. Most normal guy in Hollywood. You seem you just you radiate normal when you're not doing your crazy. It is.

Yeah. It's great that you can be crazy like that. Right? So nice job description. Why not? As opposed to like, what else would you have done in life? Right? Yeah.

I don't know. What are your other skills? Yeah. well, I got a degree in architecture. Where do you see yourself in five years? Yeah, I would like to be a- What's your tenure plan? There are gigantic films. We're looking for people like you. We love a man like you in our midst.

No, but like, what else would you do? I don't know. I mean, I got my degree in architecture, but I knew before I graduated, I wasn't gonna do that. Architecture, yeah. It wasn't my past, and I didn't love it. I got a degree in architecture, but I knew before I graduated, I wasn't going to do that. Architecture. It wasn't my past, and I didn't love it. I got a degree in history and English, and I knew I wasn't going to do that.

I knew I was going to do, well, not exactly this. Yeah, I am. To you in 40 years, especially when I had the same name. Is this the show, by the way, I just walked out here. Are we doing the show? I love that everybody asks me this. Is this the show by the way? I just walked out here. Are we doing the show? Or is this the first time? I love that everybody asks me this. You know, first of all, the answer to this is yes.

Okay, mine is. The reason I love this is because I spent a fortune making it so that you felt that comfortable. Yeah. Because, I mean, I don't want to point it out and blow it, but, you know, there's cameras all around. What? They're just built in.

They're just unobtrusive and there's nobody else in the room. And at least one of us is getting high. Where are you with that, Al? Do you? Not for me, but do you? Yeah. Well, thanks. Go for it.

Glad I have your permission. Oh, wait, are we wearing like the same shirt? Very, very close. Ooh, are we wearing like the same shirt? Very, very close. Who, are we more in? No. All right. No, you're not that lucky, y'all. We have to get to know me better before you marry me.

Oh. Have you ever had an almost sexual experience, y'all? Oh, with my wife, yeah. Every year, like on my birthday. Wait, how much? How you saying what I was saying. I was saying what I think you're saying. Probably not.

Oh. I asked you if you had a homosexual experience. Oh. What do you think I meant? I just had sexual experience. Oh no, I said homosexual. Oh, oh, oh. And then when you said yes on my birthday,

I thought you were saying I get it in me. I get the ass. No, yeah. I didn't hear the question properly. So, so you're making a marriage, yes. One of the staples of poverty, right? Have you ever been, and I'm sure you have, been in a writer's room with a lot of them or guys.

There's just a lot of marriage jokes. Not that I needed another reason to never get married. But if I was searching for one, it would be... I'll come when he gets 10 guys in a room. 68% of the jokes about how Marit sucks. And they don't get laid and blah, blah, blah. So, what are you getting settled down, Bill? I'm wondering about you.

It is really getting, I said, I would before 70, but I'm going to go back on that. How long have you been marrying? 2001, so during the math, that's so 2001? Yes, well that's very noble and Hollywood and very rare. My wife and I both waited till we were ancient and decided that you know ancient stopped that.

You're not ancient now. I hate that in this country, this this ageism. It's so ingrained people do it on themselves. You're not ancient. You look great. No. I'm just being self-deprecating.

Yeah. Well, why, are you like from some, um, pussy area of the country where they put themselves down like the Midwest? The, what are the self-deprecating states? There are, I would say. For the math, let's put up the math. I think like a minute, so, it's self-deprecating.? There are, I would say- Where's the math, let's put up the math. I think like a minute so. It's a self-deprecation.

Because the people are so nice and polite, you know? And, you know, they're like Francis McDormand and that movie where you see the breakfast and stuff. Yeah. That just super nice. And they probably yourself, Depp, you know, where are you from? I'm from LA, you can tell by the tan.

I've been working on this for a long time. I'm from one wood. So I'm from the hood. I went to the, I went to the, this is real. I went to the same high school as Shug Night. Is that right? It is. Yeah. Wow. So my high school is famous for Shug Night, Mark Spitz, Kevin Costner, and Fred Gwynn. Wow. Kevin Costner. Yeah. Now you were not there at the same time as Shug, were you? I was there to stick in with all of those people. You really? No.

Right. What a stupid thing. No, Shug was after me. I don't think I was, I had high school all to myself. Wouldn't it be funny if you looked at his yearbook and in Shug night, it was just like, you know, people out the window. Well, no, the opa captain of the debate.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was just like, an honor, his side. It's like, wow, what happened there? What happened there? What the fuck happened when he got out of high school? He was well on his way, you know, and then, oh, he's a rough one that Shug Night. Hmm.

Yeah. Has he been in the lounge? No, he's been in one that's chugged night. Yeah. Has he been in the lounge? No, he's been in prison. Oh, for quite some time. I did have a, I don't have one politically incorrect one. I saw him in a bar once a bar. It was kind of a club. It was on Santa Monica Boulevard.

I think it was called P-Nuts. Do you remember that back in the day? Bagley, I don't know if I've ever been in a site, but I've never tried before. It was like, you know, it was, was called P-Nuts. Do you remember that back in the day? Bagley. I don't know if I've ever been in Cyprus. It was like a disco. It was, this is like, you know. Was that like a disco? What was it?

It was not a disco. It was, you know what it was? It was, it was in the gay area. It was kind of like a lesbian club, but it was like lesbian, but not really committed to that completely. It was like, it wasn't a lesbian. No, it was like a place celebrities went.

Okay. Because it had that, you know, any place that has a gay vibe to it at all, there's gonna be hip-hop, you know, and more loose and, you know. So there was, you want to make the slunge gayer built and just to get the hip clientele. What happened mine? I don't know. I don't know. gear built and just get the hip clientele. What happened mine? I don't know. I know you'll only get it in the ass. Once a year.

Let me ask you another question. When is your birthday? Oh, well. Well. Oh. Really? I'll tell you what you're doing. I'll tell you what you're doing.

I'll tell you what you're doing. I'll tell you what you're doing. I'll tell you what you're doing. I'll tell you what you're doing. I'll tell you what you're doing. I'll tell you what you're doing. I'll tell you what you're doing. I'll tell you what you're doing. I'll tell you what you're doing. I'll tell you what you're doing. I'll tell you what you're doing. Oh, so you just had a birthday. I did. I did.

And you turned 85. I'm telling you, you look fantastic. Thank you. Thank you. But anyway, so I was there at this peanuts place and Sugar just got out of prison. This is before he went back into prison for good. Like, they really, I think he backed over on camera, which is not a good look.

But he was oopsies. Yeah, but he had just got out of prison and he was there with all this, you know, like crew and a lot of... Anyway, I pissed off one of his soldiers, a girl, a lesbian girl. I think was like, you know, one of his recruiters. What, a lesbian girl. I think it was like, you know, his one of his recruiters. What is a new bell? I like, it was just a floor show. And like, she like stood right in front.

I just said, like, excuse me, I'm, you know, you just got right in front of me. And she was like, all of a sudden, it was very out of control. And my friend thought we were gonna get killed. But then I ran up to, I ran up. I, my friend wanted us to run away. And I was like, no, I'm not going to look over my shoulder my whole life.

You know, I remember they were wearing like the red, it was LA, the famous LA Dodgers capet in red. And it's sort of famously blue that the LA Dodgers, you know, so there's a statement right there. Uh-huh. There's a fight as I know. Might have been a little gang-in-bluent. I don't ask questions. Anyway, the long story short, he said he watched politically and correct in prison. So I was okay. So politically,

politically and corrected, saved my life. So, were you ever on politically and correctly? I was. Thanks for remembering. So, were you ever unpolitically incorrect? I was, thanks for remembering. Well, come on, we were, yeah. It was the 90s. It was the high point of my life, Bill. And you know to remember. I could, you could have been with Kissinger.

I wouldn't have remembered that either. It was me and Gibby Haines. Gibby Haines. Sir, it's Little Furfers. Who? Oh, come on. The bunholes surfers. Yes.

Oh, this is so 90s. Oh my God. Gibby Haynes, it sounds like an old western actor. When you said, I thought you were, Gibby Haynes. Exactly. Right there. Ah.

Yes. Oh, biscuits are burning. Ah. Remember him and let's kill all the Indians. Yeah. That's a all the Indians. Yeah. That's a little dated now. And it was a common. You know, at the time it was funny, but now, yeah.

I had a very bad attitude about that. Oh, did you see the Sashin little feather thing? I heard, tell me the story, because I find the headlines. She just, right, I saw the headlines too and it wasn't usually be the thing I would read but it's Just once I started it was so fast and I was not really Native American that's part of the story. Yes that she

If people don't know who she's in little feather is she just died in 1972 She accepted the Oscar that Brando won for the Godfather. He wanted to make a statement and he didn't want to go to an award show. So he sent her in his stead. It was a famous thing in America at the time. We all were. And she got up there and accepted the Oscar.

Now, if that happened today, she'd get a standing ovation. Woe Colley would would love this, like you can't believe. In 1972, Bood, we were not just Bood. They told her if she went over her time, she would be arrested. Oh, I didn't know that part. Bood, Ed, Will Smith rushing the stage

to slap someone would not have in the first time that happened because they had to restrain John Wayne from doing just that. He was there. The crowd was cheering her. Okay, so listen to this. She takes, she gets up stage without getting arrested. Goes to Brando's house to give him his Oscar

is shot at. What? It was not hit, but on the door, step shot at. I did not know this either. Well, I know. Isn't that amazing? Is this just coming out of it?

Is this coming out of it? It was in the obituary. This all was plain knowledge, but yeah. But you just, to think about the difference, this was liberal Hollywood of 1972. Oh. And, well, John Wayne, I don't know. This was liberal Hollywood of 1972. Well, John Wayne, I don't know. Quentin Tarantino was here a couple of weeks ago,

and I told him, you should make this movie because I know he loves alternative endings, and he did it with World War II, he did it with the man, Manson murders, right? I said, tell this story, but instead of just, Sashi and Little Feather getting shot at and Brando's doorstep and then cowering, have her become like a badass revenge.

He loves women revenge, right? You know, with Mathurmin and have her go after all those people who were cheering all those people who are cheering all the people of the day. Jack Lemon and David Niven and Leslie Corrone, whoever the stars were, and of course the last one she'd have to fucking kill like a badass, you know, Buford Pusser or Billy Jack on fucking John Wayne. I like that. Isn't that a lot of great movie?

That sounds great. Sishin, little if she's an Indian. Well, okay, that's it. And then the other part of the story, you're right. We find out she's not an Indian. So what is that all about? Her sister's out in her. Well, she's, I think they said,

it's a kind of a point in comment. I think their comment was something like she felt there would be less prejudice against a Indian than a Mexican, which I think is what she was, or something would be easier as an Indian than a Mexican. I feel like it was definitely, you know, they were saying given the prejudices of America, which was so much more profound at the time, obviously, they were saying given the prejudices of America, which was so much more profound at the time, obviously they shot at her, liberals. No, no, no, no, it was Walter Mathau and fucking, you know, Roger Moore.

I mean, the fact is just that you could hire actors to play all these stories of that era and then kill them. I think it's just hysterical. Yeah. When did it come out that she was not actually native? Like just very, like, Brandon didn't know, I guess? No, that just came out. Yeah, OK.

The other part about getting shot at and the booing, that all happened and it's been, people knew it. But we just didn't. That's wild. It just wasn't widely reported. Or we just forgot her. We didn't care. But when she died, but we just didn't. That's wild. We just wasn't widely reported. Or we just forgot her, we didn't care. But when she died, it came to surface again. But the thing about her not being Indian, that is new.

Okay. And I don't care. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just interested in the Tarantino side of it. Let's say I have a point. It deals with that part of the story. Right. Yeah. And that's really interesting. It's a really interesting part of it.

And you could weave it in. Anyway, Quentin, really interesting. It's a really interesting part of it, and you could weave it in. Anyway, Quentin, somebody's gonna make this movie. So, chop chop. You know, I'm just saying, if it's not you. I have so many people who work for me that I am grateful for. The guy who washes my solar panels,

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Go to signalwire.com slash random, that's signalwire.com slash random. In today's hyperpolarized media environment, it often feels like you're forced to pick a side, the echo chambers and mainstream outlets, or the conspiracy-heavy corners of social media. If you're not satisfied with either of those options come join the lost debate. It's a show for anyone who wants to escape their bubble and engage with ideas

from across the spectrum. With the kind of good faith discussions, we need more of us as a society. Lost debate is hosted by Rabbi Gupta, a former Obama staffer and school principal and superintendent who spent years on the frontlines of America's political battles working to preserve our democracy. And Ricky Schlaught, who joined me on real time a few months ago. Ricky is a Gen Z New York Post columnist and libertarian fighting to protect free speech for her generation and beyond.

Together they cover all the latest news, arguments, ideas, and trends with balance and nuance. They have constructive discussions that sound less like shouty cable segments and more like conversations between real people. So come join the conversation, new episodes of Lost Debate drop twice a week, every Tuesday and Thursday. Find them on Amazon, Spotify, Apple, YouTube, or wherever you get your shows. What about drink, Al? Do you drink?

Oh yeah, I'm drinking a Fiji water, here we go. Yes. You have a lot to celebrate. You have a big fucking noon. No. No. No. No.

And you're gonna get Asex in only 11 months. No. No. No. No. No. No. Yeah. No, you're, uh, you're movie. You got a big movie. Yeah. Look at you.

Well, I think he's doing well. You know, the thing was streamers. This is actually the reason why I wanted to sell it to a streaming platform in the first place. You don't know how well it does. And I was, uh, I was a little gun shy after UHF came out and- You know, UHF? Yeah, 1989 came out. That's my first movie.

I spaced my movies 33 years before. I was saying that was a streaming service. Oh, right. Like even UHF is a streaming- No. But my first movie did not do well at the box office and- Which was that? Sorry?

Which was what? UHF was the name of the movie. Oh, yes. I remember that. Sure you do. I do You hate tips with the name of the movie. Oh yes! I remember that. Sure you do. I do. Like you remember Gibi Haines. Gibi Haines?

Gibi Haines! Gibi Haines! G-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N not bomb and not even have a chance of bombing because nobody knows the numbers in the streaming services. So it's getting great reviews and people seem to like it. No, it's big. I know because I'm aware of it. Yeah. Because I don't, I don't know. I guess I'm just not queued into that side of the news cycle.

Most people are much more aware of pop culture stuff and I'm much more aware because of my job. You know, a much of serious political stuff. So when something like that gets on my radar, I mean, I haven't seen it, but I'm dying to see it because you're funny, you've always been funny. I always thought your music was hysterical. Thank you. And I've heard people, there's a buzz about it because again, if it got on my radar, I've heard people, there's a buzz about it because again, if it got on my radar, it means something. Really, I'm serious.

And I know things about it that like sometimes like I know things and I don't really want to know them. I call that mind-raping. Like, I did not have my, I did not give consent to know who Scott does it is. You know, I was mind-raped there. You know what I'm saying? You just, it was not consensual that I know lots of pop culture stuff. But this one I was happy got on my radar.

Well, tell me what you know about it. I'll come for a moment. I know that it's an origin story and kind of a parody of origin stories in music, you know, biopin, which is a ripe area for parody, I think. Because it's become very popular with, you know, what was the Queen. The Bohemian Rhapsody and the Rock of Man came out. Rock of Man, and all these. There's an Elvis.

Yeah, Elvis. Yeah. I assume you've seen all of them. Yeah. What do you mean? We had to do research. I wrote off the movie tickets on my taxes, because it's... What are your reviews? You know, they, uh, I enjoyed them all,

but they upset me as a fan because, you know, I'm a big, Elton John fan. I'm, I'm a big, clean fan, but, you know, I look at these movies and, uh, I, I just notice where they just take liberties. Even times when they don't need to, but they just change the facts around. They change the chronology around it, right?

I mean, that's. Yes, I can't believe you said it because I went to the Elvis movie in the theater. I mean, that's, I'm a giant Elvis fan of a certain period, not his early period, but as a singer, I do love Elvis. The bloated period that we all love. I do, that's it. That's when he did better music. And it wasn't all bloated. He only got bloated the last two years.

Some I bloated. He was not. You know that he was always bloated, even when he looked good, but he would then slim down when he had to go back in front of the cameras. But between films, when you didn't see him for a couple of months, because that was the error when you could just not be seen for a God, you know, and he wasn't on the road in the 60s. No, Tiamz. No, Tiamz. Nothing and he would get fat as fuck and then he would get slimmed down. But even up until like 75 is when he looked bad. That's 75, 76, 77. His last three years, yes. But I've checked that. He was on the cover of People magazine

when he was 40 and he looked fantastic. So it wasn't, maybe that was his last hurrah of being in shape. I remember I have it, I saved it. I was what I would love to look like that. Elvis, and it's an Elvis's 40, like, oh my God. Can you believe it? Elvis's 40. like, oh my God, can you believe it? Elvis is 40. I'm going to look like what I'm 40.

Exactly. But, no, the movie drove me crazy because I know Elvis's biography very well. And there was so many unnecessary sort of changes they made. I understand because they want to make things more dramatic, but this is life is dramatic. You know, he didn't go into the army because they were about to arrest him for wiggling his hips as they presented in the movie. That's more dramatic.

He escaped. No, he's drafted. Like everybody was drafted. Right. You know, the stupidity of that scene where he's making his comeback special, but it's really the Christmas special. And then at the last minute, with that anybody knowing, he does a completely different special, as if you could do that. Like, Brigham sets in two hours,

and he's watching Bobby Kennedy get assassinated, and then he writes, if I can dream, well, I love, if I can dream, it's one of my favorite songs, but it wasn't written by him or then. That's one of the things that they do in all these biotexes that they take things that happen like days or weeks or months or years of part,

and they've happened all happen the same night, because that makes more sense from a storytelling perspective. they take things that happen like days or weeks or months or years of part and they've had them all happen the same night. Exactly. Because it makes more sense from a storytelling perspective. And then they put a little disclosure on the screen. Some events have been completed by my man. Yeah. It's like, yeah. In other words, we just fucking made it up.

Yeah. Which is what I leaned into with my movie. I figured, okay, if I'm going to do a bi-peck, exactly. Facts out the window like nobody cares. Well, I would expect no less from you. Yeah. It's a parody of a biopic, essentially.

Yeah, well, I can't wait to see it. It's on Netflix. It's, well, you can, no. No, what's it on? From what I remember, it's on the Roku channel. It's free. You don't need, well, the Roku, what do you mean? No, the Roku channel is free.

Yes. You go to the Roku channel. The roco channel is free. Yes. Go to the roco channel.com and it's I thought roco was the box that would they do that too? They make TV's, they make apps and devices and they also have an actual channel. And then once in a while the whole thing crashes and they have a little animated roco doll that comes up on the screen that i have a lot of dances and i'm like what you dancing my you just crashed my thing i guess that sometimes it has to reboot or something i don't know it's all complicated i i i i miss the rabbit ears

i miss some is going up on the roof and adjusting the antenna whoo well so roco channel they have a real channel so this is their their one of their early fourays into original programming. I see. And thankfully, they decided that they wanted to be in the weird aisle business. So, do we all have the Roku channel automatically? Well, if you have a computer, you have the Roku channel. So we're born with the Roku channel.

It's like a chip in your brain. It's not like something I have to order like Netflix. If you want to watch it on your TV, it's got a, you know, I don't have all the info. I see Roku. Yeah. So you can certainly watch it. So I must have it. If I have the box, they must have. Okay. Oh, great. Fantastic. Yeah. And you don't have to subscribe. Like I say, it's ad-supported. So, you you know every now and then you'll see a commercial But yeah, but not in the middle of the movie Well, yeah like like like it. Yeah, really?

There's a commercial in the middle of the movie there is All right, there's a commercial in the middle of this too. There's there see see I'm not busting your balls about it, but I just that I'm glad you're prepared me If you see somebody you saw me in the middle of my movie, it's not something that I thought of. So, the age we live at so funny, you know, first of all, my growth, as you did in the age of like Johnny Carson and when people were plugging their movies or something that was formal and the band's playing

and I'm here, how you doing? I'm on the couch. And now it's just like, you know, I can say I haven't seen your movie yet now it's just like, you know, I can say, I haven't seen your movie yet, it's okay, because we're much more honest, but it's honest also that I really want to. And I heard it's great,

which is actually a better recommendation than it got on my radar. And then, you know, we can just learn all about, the idea that Bert Reynolds would come on. And boy, Sashin Little Feathers gonna fuck him up to, oh no, he's actually Indian. Bert is? Yes, give him a pass.

Nice. Yes, Bert Reynolds is part Indian. Wow, I didn't know. You know, we do a whole boogie nights thing in my movie. It's a whole like pool party scene that's inspired by my boogie nights. And Dr. Demento in my movie is sort of modeled after Bert Reynolds character in boogie nights. Oh really? Kind of yeah. that's inspired by by Buggie Nights and Dr. Demento and my movie is sort of modeled after

Bert Reynolds character in Buggie Nights. Oh really? Kind of yeah. I love Bert Reynolds. Yeah. He was awesome. All right, so but the idea that like Bert Reynolds or somebody would be on Johnny Carson's show and then Johnny would have to elicit on you know ABC and then And this is on ABC, and then have the delivery system describe to them, which is what you're telling me. I mean, that's a very big difference from the Sevenies, where we kind of knew what the delivery systems were. Well, there's like three or four. You have to plug your movie.

You have to break confusing back there. You have to plug your movie. And how the fuck to get it. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Okay. Well, so we'll figure it out. I'll make sure that there's a Roku channel on your TV.

Well, I mean, it shows that they have a lot of faith in you because obviously they're launching something. Yeah. I mean, yes, I'm a little out of it, but I think it's indicative that I did not know they even have the channel. Yeah. And I'm sure many people do, because people, again, follow this stuff closer than I do. But I don't, but they probably haven't had a giant hit yet.

I mean, like I said, this is sort of brand new for them. They're just getting into original programming, And they're known for more for manufacturing TVs and devices than they are for programming, but this is like a big sort of gamble for them. I thought we had laws against that. I thought you're not allowed to like make the TV, and also make what goes up in the TV. Is that true?

Well, I think yes, I mean, there are laws like that. Anti-trust laws, but not for the laws. Are we still following those? That's, no, that's a good question. Don't make me get political. Are you very political? I am, but I don't talk about it publicly. What about here?

Is anybody watching? I love the US, that. And by the way, so did Lisa Cudro, Jay Leno. Somebody last week, oh, but he was a professor type. Of course, he doesn't know where the cameras are. But yes, some real show business veterans have been like, are we on? We do, you say that house is a good way.

Exactly, because like, you know, this is my little genius. I can be friends with somebody so quickly, only if I like him to begin with. That's the truth. But then we don't invite anybody here who I kind of don't know I'm gonna like. I love the fact that I can meet people for real who I maybe have met a couple of times,

or barely at all. And then in the end of an hour, I feel like, oh, I know this person, or at least, you know, we're literally friends and not just friendly. Yeah, yeah. I always make that distinction in Hollywood because everybody thinks that, you know,

who's not in Chobu's, is that we all know each other. Like, it's just like a club. Yeah, it's sort of like a lot of friends in town sort of like get together for podcasts. That's like their social thing. Like, so what do you know in third of the year? It's gonna be a podcast. Yeah, it's almost like, what did the omnishews

do like a barn raise? Or the barn raising? Or a potlatch or something, a podcast. It's kind of like, oh, yeah. Well, do you have a podcast? No. I think on the last person the last person in Los Angeles without a podcast. You really are. But you don't need one.

Yeah, you know, I'll be in every other... You're a rock star. You don't need to like, slumb with us. Chatterers. It's never too early to start thinking about holiday gifts, whether it's for a friend or the friends in your pants. You can make this a season to be jolly with Manscaped. Do your little drummer boy a favor and use the lawnmower 4.0 because you don't want that

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Yeah, I just literally got off the page. Like a big arena. Six months tour. We were six months. Yes. Yeah, we did six months. When you say tour, you don't tell me that you're away from home the entire six months. I am. Really? You don't see your own house for six months. That is correct. I would never do that. Why? Because you have a show every night. Basically, you're even building like a week here or a week. We tried that before. We tried like, oh, let's do something humane, like have like three weeks on the road on one week off.

Yes. Which sounds great in practice. But then like during that week that's off, we're still paying everybody's salary. We're paying for two trucks. We're paying for two buses. That's right. And at the end of the tour,

we're like, how can we didn't make any money? So now when I'm on the road, I'm on the road. Holy shit. I mean, man, do I feel fortunate? Because I, now it depends on your person. Some people are more nomadic by nature. You must be. I'm a homebody. I never stopped doing stand-up, albeit I'm on the road this weekend. I'm in New York. My home is the bus. I mean, I literally live on the bus. I could not live on a bus. What is the point, Al, of being this wealthy and successful and living on a bus?

You know who lives on buses? Poor people. We're like somebody who goes out in nature and like that guy in the movie, into the wild, who lived on a bus in the middle of nowhere. Eating berries in the back. Exactly. Or how about bus in a war zone? You live on a bus in the middle of nowhere. Eating berries in the back. Exactly. Like a, or a howl that bus in a war zone.

You live on a, I'm sure it's a nice bus. Yeah. I mean, bus. I like it. You know, the rest of the band and the crew, they check into hotel, but, you know, I've got my internet backstage and in the back of the bus. Oh. And I've got TV and other people get hotels and you stay in the back.

That's correct. Yeah. Well, by yourself. No. Yeah. With your wife. Well, by yourself? No. Yeah. With your wife? Well, she doesn't travel with me. I mean, six months, I'm most gonna do, I don't know. Six months? Yes.

She's a widow for six, for half the year. Well, I mean, she comes out and visits like, you know, every few weeks whenever, you know, she wants to like get out of town. Yeah, but she comes to the good cities. I'd Chicago. Yeah, honey, oh. I'm gonna do that.

That's exactly. she looked to it, I tinny-roaring, and go, like, that's a boy's evening. I, oh! I've heard that from other people about wives and tours. They don't come to the sticks. The wives do not come to the, there's no, I'll be meeting you in Indianapolis, but I love Indianapolis, but they just don't come.

Yeah. All right, I'm glad we settled that. So you deserve that birthday-ass fuck. Pfft. Uh, or whatever it was. So, okay, so you're on there, oh my God, ow, I've got to talk you out of this. Well, I'm off the road for a while,

we finished at Carnegie Hall. I remember playing Carnegie Hall before. That was fun. We did that. And now I'm off until we do a European tour starting in February. I played Carnegie Hall once. They should get over themselves.

Really, I remember this like the one place where you can't like videotape your show. Right. And I think the money was bad. It was kind of felt like- That was the money. It's not the money when where you can't like videotape your show. Right. And I think the money was bad. And it was kind of felt like it's not the about the money when you're playing Carnegie Hall. But that's what they're and they that's bullshit. Well, it's a it's a whole.

Okay. It's a whole and people come and watch you do your thing like they did. And and then you should be paid the same because they're selling the idea of it's Carnegie Hall. And it's like, okay, you know what, you got me. And it's very union, I know because the first time I was booked to play Carnegie Hall was like in the 90s, I think, and I was all excited. But back then, the tour we just did was like a

the band-a-de-tour, so it's literally just the band setting out a stool and playing the instruments. Very, you know. How many people in your band? Five, including me. But this story was very good. And then how many in the crew? Oh, about a dozen, all total.

So it's, yeah. Like I mean, two bucks. Like any other rock show. Yeah, but I mean, the first time we tried to play Carnegie Hall, we had the show booked. And we were told that because of all the unions, if even if we sold out, we would literally lose a ton of money. So we had a cancel.

So we figured with this tour, being it like no frills, like literally just these guys on stage playing their instruments, we'd be able to make it work. I don't want to like make you cry and tell you how I live my life. Tell me. Well, I only go out for 30 hours at a time. I play two cities because I have a job on Friday night.

We can't afford your stuff? Yeah, and not even every weekend. But I always like, and I don't go on a bus, I go on a private jet, and I fly, and I wake up an hour before the plane leaves, and I fly to a city on Saturday, go like maybe have time to check in though and tell, maybe just go right to the venue, do the show,

stay over in that city, that first city is always one of those A cities where the wives would come. Right, right. And then the second night, fly to the next city, get up late, you know, have breakfast, two in the afternoon, go to the next city, go right to the venue, do the show and play home. That sounds great. I mean, I've always been a little envious of comedians

that can, you know, travel by themselves and keep all the money. No, I share all the money. I share all the cash with like 20 people. I know, I know I'm to tell you what happens on my birthday. But look, I'm not a rock star. That's the other thing.

It's like the reason you do this, the reason you're away for six months at a time, it's not the money, you don't need the money. I know why you do this. It's that old story about Bob Hope and they said, well, you know, he was on the road like when he was 89, 250 days a year. And he said, somebody said, Bob, what do you do? And he said, well, the gardener's known a plot. Yeah. That's it. It's a nice, you know, it's it's a drag to be away from home for that long, but you know, I love it. You can't tell exactly.

That's what I'm saying. I mean, I can't tell jokes to squirrel. Emo Phillips open for me on every single show on this last show. Emo, we love Emo. But I love Emo. He actually got depressed at the end of a six month tour saying like, I'm so sad that this tour is ending. He just just loved being on stage so much. Well his name is Emo.

Yeah. So he's gonna get weepy. Yeah. I'm so glad Emo was still working. Emo was, I remember we did London together in 1992, some show in London where they booked American comics and we were on it together. And he was funny.

Yeah, he is funny. Oh, I'd love to see Emo. I'd love to see your show. You should. Yeah. Could, well, I'll be in Paris next March, so we'll see you there. Paris? Yeah.

That's part of Europe. So you do Europe too. Well, that's amazing. Not often, but we're gonna do it next year. And I'm hoping it's gonna translate because like a lot of my humor is like, American pop culture references. I mean, that's brave, Paris.

I mean, I know lots of comedians who play Europe. I did it myself in 2015. I'm glad I had the experience. Again, with me with my 30 hours away. I'm a homebody. I'm not going to do it again. I liked it. Did you do in any countries where English wasn't like the primary? No. I mean, you can play easily. You can play, of course, Amsterdam. You can play Germany. Right. You can play, obviously, England, all over England, Scotland. You can play the Nordic countries. I played Oslo and I played Stockholm.

Yeah, those are most of the places where it's replaced. So those are okay. Paris is a whole different kind of a fish. First of all, they have a bad attitude about anything but French. So they don't speak English the way all these other countries, they regir, they don't teach it in the schools. And like they are outliers, for example, the Beatles, the only place in the world where they were met with really was Paris. Really? Absolutely. Everywhere else in the world, when Gaga for Beatle Mania and the Parisians, I mean I'm sure some of them die. Sure they got laid over there.

Okay. But you play Perthino? No. Okay. Because I'm sure some of the damn, I'm sure they got laid over there. Okay. But you play Perthino? No. Okay. Because I'm saying, not just me, American comedians don't play Paris. Very, because it's just not the place,

and they don't speak the English. So, I mean, who suggested this? I just go, I don't book the shows. I look at the artillery go, oh, look what I mean. It's brave and I'm sure they know what they're doing because nobody likes to lose money. Yeah, but yeah, you know, it's first like for, I mean, I've got the music to fall back,

I'm glad I feel bad. Exactly, it's music. I feel bad for e-modeing a lot to a crowd and, you know, you know, if you don't know what he's saying. E-mode might have a problem. But maybe it's changed. I don't know. But I sure avoided it like the plague. I don't know any other American comedians and lots of American comedians do play those

kind of European cities. I don't know how many of you play Paris. But I could be wrong and I'm sure it'll be great when you're doing the music and there's songs that people have heard. You know, it's not like when a comedian does a joke, the charm of it is that it's completely new. Whereas you're doing songs that they know. Well maybe because again, the tour that I'm doing is like the No Parodies tour.

It's like not only is it- No, is that right? Yeah. So the whole thing is called the unfortunately turn of the complete or the ridiculously self-indulgent ill-advised vanity tour so it's like all the stuff that nobody wants to hear but still funny you know it's still a comedy show right but it's not like the hits it's not like you know i don't eat it we're not doing like a surgeon why did you decide to do this mess with the

it's because uh... we wanted i would got tired of putting on the fat suit for the thousandth thought. Right. And I was like, you know, can I just do one tour? I'm just like, we're just going out and being musicians. Right. So we did that in 2018 and, you know, as an experiment and we sold out, people loved it. Great.

So we just did it again, but we haven't done it in Europe. So that's going to be the big experiment. Right. It's going to be the big experiment. Well, you know, first of all, Europe is a great town. I've always said that. And I think that it becomes more and more like America for good and bad. Mostly bad, but it's something good. So whatever I think worked here, I think you'll be fine. Okay. I don't think people book somebody of your stature

without knowing what they're doing. I mean, who's your agency? I keep forgetting it. This is not WME. Who? With a more recent. Oh. WME.

Yeah. Oh, are you manual? Yeah. I'm my closest friends. I'm my agent friends. Not my agent. I love him. But yeah, they're not the kind of agency that fucks up. If they're book you in Paris, you'll do fine in Paris.

But tell them. I will blame you, Bill. So tell them for me, fuck you for the beat. I'll use all the exact words. Fuck you for the way you treated it. I mean, that's just what I read about. The Beatles had a whole like two-week residency there in January of 64, just when they got the news

that they had their first hit in America when they were in Paris. It was, they had had hits in England for a year, but they had just broke the American market, which is what, they all, the English fans always wanted to do was break the American market. So many English stars, pop stars, thought they were going to be worldwide stars, and then they crashed in America. And the Beatles thought that was likely what was gonna happen to them too. So they were beyond thrilled when they got the news,

when they were in Paris that I wanna hold your hand was number one in America. But that fucking French audience brought them down the next night. Okay. So they had two weeks of man? Yeah, like the Olympia or some theater where they played, you know,

and I'm sure they had to ask in seats. But they just, you know, it's kind of like, it sounded to me kind of like when people sent us play Japan and they don't realize that their way of showing appreciation is less. It's very polite. Boisterous, shall we say? Yeah, because we say that sometimes like,

oh, that was a very Japanese audience tonight. Very very, yeah, they were there. Right. Yeah. I've always had that argument with certain comedians to say, it's no such thing as a bad audience. And that's my, I am on the other side of it. There is absolutely such a thing as a bad audience. What there isn't is an audience who knows their bad.

Ah, they don't know their bad because we're the ones who hear different audiences each night. Right. So we have something to compare it. They have nothing to compare it. They're just there. And they think they're fine. You should have gone on your iPhone. This was last night's audience. So something has some comparison. I'm sure when I was just starting out and like, horrible at stand up and flashing out of the audience for my mistakes, I'm sure I said some version of that. Like last night's audience, love that joke, do you? I think when I was 25 I actually

did that. You know like. Did it help? No. Of course not. It really makes you feel. Thanks for the feedback. I will do better now. Exactly. Yeah. As if an audience would react that way to being proud people with the unflattering comparison. I mean, feel better though. Yeah, well, you know, I mean, I don't know what you're, what were you early, like the first times on stage the first year? I mean, my memory is mostly pain. Yeah, mostly.

I mean, I think the, I'm a very first tour. I think the very first show we had. Tour. Well, how could you have a tour if you didn't, how did you build up to even having a tour? Well, I mean, I'm just saying that when we've had our first tour, there are like nine people in the first show.

Right. But prior to that, I mean, in 1982, I've talked about this a bunch. We opened for the band, Missing Persons. Do you remember them, Missing Persons? I know the name, I can't remember. They're very popular in LA. Right. Terry and very popular in LA. Right.

Terry and Dale Boseo. But we were at the San Monica Civic, and I was opening for them. And this is before I had a record deal. I had some air play on the Dr. Demento show. Some air play on the pay rock. But I was very, very, you know, just starting out. And we got heavy opening slot.

And I remember I walked out there with my accordion and people just started throwing stuff. Like 45 minutes. Solid. Solid. And I've never, to this day, I've never seen an audience like this before. They didn't even applaud, a courtesy applaud at the end of the song. It was like, get off the stage.

Like 45 minutes of that. And I will tell you that they threw everything that was nailed down. And after the curtain went down, this is such a vivid memory. I remember this so clearly, after the curtain went down, our whole band was on the floor picking up nickels and quarters and they were throwing out and it's like, oh, a corner. But what did they throw like bottles?

Yeah, I mean, it wasn't, if they did, it didn't hit anybody. Right. But they just threw everything. No, I mean, it wasn't if they did it and hit anybody, but they just threw everything. No, I was I was thrown at So first of all, I was thrown at I was opening for Neal's Lofgren Yeah, who then joined the spring steam band. Yeah, no, yeah great great play a great guy I don't know him well, but we correspond every once in a while. He's just a great guy. I don't think I even met him that night. I was just the opening act. And he was an up-and-coming rocker. And it was in like a suburb of Baltimore, as I recall in some room. And yeah, I mean, it was just like, what a great baptism. And you had to stay up there because if you got off, you wouldn't get the money. They may even have said that to me anticipating the barrage of debris that was going to come my way.

Do you ever troll them when you know that it's like bombing so badly that any Hacker-Staylor anyway? I don't know. I think I tried to... I don't know. It's so long ago and it was such a horrible moment, but I did... I think I was just thinking about the fact I don't know, it's so long ago and it was such a horrible moment, but I did, I think I was just thinking about the fact that, you know, I can do this. I can stay up, you know, that's it. You're not gonna get me to leave. I think it was all that was in my head.

Al Franken tells the story sometime about how you just lean into it. Like I forget if he was opening for the great Philadelphia, or some band, it was very popular, and he was not popular at the time. And it would start booing him and just yelling from the get off the stage and he'd say no no no you don't understand that the more you boo the sooner the band plays and and and and i and i want to tell you jokes to understand right and you just get matter and matter matter that was

out frank yeah man do you remember when he was in the comedy team with Tom Davis? Sure, sure. Did you ever see their special? They did a, like, 82 right around there. They did a special for, I think I believe it was the fledgling showtime network. It was taped live on a campus. Some of the funniest, like two-man comedy.

It should check it out. I don't know if I've seen that special But is the broad hat cast a museum or something how would I know it's just it's just them doing different sketches like there's one where out plays A male prostitute who is not gay, but he just is giving is not gay, but he just is giving hand jobs for $5. Blow jobs for $10 under the bridge. It's just a very, you know, straightforward interview, but it's just an economic thing. There's one where they sketch for these talking about

what to do if you have to drink and drive. You've been in a party. You've been asked to leave. Your girlfriend is passed out. You're going to drive. You know, wrap whatever you're asked to leave. Your girlfriend has passed out. You're going to drive. You know, rap, whatever you're going to hit around the biggest piece of metal you can find. Just advice on drinking.

I mean, it was so politically incorrect at the end they bring on their parents. Like, I don't, I think he did that with it. That's not familiar. And at first, they did that bit. Other places I have seen. I think so when they bring, it's of course not really his mom. But they're so proud of us, blah, blah, blah. And then the mother says one like,

like this critical thing in the show. She did a very good out, but do you have to? Like shut up on! Yeah, the show ends with, fuck you mom, fuck you dad. To just to end a special with fuck you, mom, fuck you, dad. I just feel like we need more of that, you know? We need to bring that back.

And then to think, yeah, we do. And then to think that that guy would unto be a senator. Mm-hmm. And then be an unsanitary for really no good reason. Yeah. You know, I've been an unsanitary for really no good reason. Yeah. I've been an unsanitary my whole life, so I used to it. I mean, I know it out pretty well. I mean, he took a gag photo that they lost their shit about.

I mean, there was accusations of, I don't know. It was like his hand was on my back when we took a picture, you know, it was, and some of them were just not credible, and it just didn't add up to, like, and I don't know, just like, people hate weakness and like they hate that way more than whatever the horrible picture and his hand moved down my back was.

It's just, you know, but I don't know if you follow politics, the Democrats did very well last night compared to expectations. You know, I've shut off social media for the last 24 arcs, I didn't want to like be part of the horse race, I just wanted to just tell me how it ends. Just tell me. We don't know because we are a stupid system. We're like, they take months to count the votes in places. It's really going to, the Senate is going to be cited

by Georgia and that won't, they have to have a runoff there won't come in until December 6th. Earth, you know what? I don't know. It's, but it's not like we're asking for the check. I mean, I always say it, like when you read the paper, it does seem like the world is going to hell in a hand card, and it really is.

But life has not yet gotten bad. I mean, your life is fantastic, right? I mean, you wouldn't do the road unless you needed to. Yeah, I mean, unless you wanted to. Right. You don't need to. It's fun. You're doing something fun. Right.

You're a 60-something-year-old man who's getting up there and seeing weird songs and funny lyrics and people are laughing at you and you get that drug in your veins of hearing that laughter. And like Bob Hoek said, the gardeners don't do it. You've got to get out of here. You've don't do it. You got to get out. You got it. You got to get that drug.

You're, man, you're an addict, you know. What do you do the other six months? So is it six months? What would you, is it always, there's no schedule. There's no schedule. I mean, you know, No, but if you're six months on, then when did this tourist during the math? Yeah, I mean, when did this tourist start?

This last tourist started end of April and just ended like last week. Okay, so now you're off till next April? Or you know, your painter is like February March. Oh, and after that, no plans. Literally no plans. So now you have like a few months off. Yeah. So what do you do?

This. You have a spare room, this is a nice place. I do. I place. I do. I do. No, but really, what do you have got? I haven't seen my wife in a while, so we're reconnecting and doing that. I'll probably play video games on my underwear for a couple of weeks. Just unplugging and decompressing.

Kids? I think so. Yeah, no, there's one. There is a kid. Yeah, no, I've got a 19 year old daughter named Nina. And she goes to school back east. Oh, but it's holiday time. You'll see her.

Yes, yes. OK, so what does she want to be when she grows up? She's well, not sure, but she's majoring in English and environmental science and art. So she'll save the world somehow, I'm sure. Okay. So, see you, family time. But like, what, it's a lot of hours to fill.

Like, if you ask me, like, what a, because I have time, this is when I'm approaching my like, big break, because after, I think the 25th, which is maybe right after, I know I have two more real times and I have one more, two more standup dates for the year, but the last one is Vegas. Like I think I'm doing Vegas, I don't know what I love about Vegas.

The people there are, of course, also addicts, gambling addicts. So they don't care about holidays. Even like Christmas, damn. did oh yeah no yeah yeah they're like christmas fucks anacloss i'm down eight thousand dollars okay so i think in their thanks giving weekend whatever after that i'm off for the rest of the year like now what are you gonna do exactly Exactly. Exactly. But I will give you an answer.

I will give you an answer. I don't avoid your answer. Well, you're very fake. For the amount of hours, I feel like reconnecting with my wife, I have a daughter is very big. Here's my answer. Like, catch up on masturbation. Okay. Also, just like, I'm a chronic organizer.

So, like, I'm sure you're familiar, we know each other well now, I can say the word, with entropy. Yes. Oh, there you are. You play a weirdo, but you're actually a very smart guy. I knew that. Nobody that rich is nuts.

But life tends toward entropy. The tendency of everything to go toward randomness. Yeah. The universe is tending toward entropy. I'm not going to worry about it, because Trump is still a lot. Yeah. But I still worry about the heat death of the universe.

That's something that's always on my mind. The heat death of the universe. The heat death. Heat because at some point, billions of years from now, it's all gonna... What if it's not billions? What if it's faster than we think?

And it happens like Thursday. Okay, but entropy. Like the tendency of all things to get more random. And like I think the professor had in college who explained it was like, if you don't tend to your Sock draw for like a month in Sock's role, you know, it's not been matched and okay. So like all year long entropy happens. Socks are all mixed up and mixed matched.

Okay, so like all year long entropy happens. And then I can't stand it, but I don't have time to fix it. And then at the end of the year, I can sit home for a month. Like, and I really don't have to see anybody or do anything, and I'm just like puttering around the house, organizing. Filing your socks, filing my socks, you know, winnowing the book,

have my books are all like my category in an order and like getting them out, my t-shirts are in order. You can be kind of a person that has to do it yourself. You can't just like delegate, yes, yeah. Exactly, I pack, when I pack for the trip, I always do it myself, and I pack just the amount I need. Like, we were away somewhere a few months ago, and there was plane trouble on me, couldn't leave that night.

So we had to stay over one more night, and that was like completely fucked, I had no soap. I know, you know, like, toothpaste, I take just the amount I need for the time I'm away. Right. Well, I learned my lesson then. Ah, talk about it.

You're lucky to get to pack for two days. I have to pack for six months. Right. How do you do it? How do you do it? How do you? So, what do you do all day when you're living on a bus? Why do you want to be on a bus in the day?

I sleep in the day. It's hard for me to sleep on a moving bus, so I usually stay at like, stick for seven in the morning, and then sleep in the full sound. Does it smell like exhaust? Sorry. It doesn't it smell like exhaust?

No, I lost my sense of smell a long time ago. Is that right? No. No. No, doesn't it? If it does, I don't even notice it. I feel like this drench of a bus, that maybe I'm remembering from when I used to take the bus in New York and I get it at the port authority and I just felt like it would

carry that smell of busness into outer space. I mean, there's a smell bussy. It doesn't. No. Really? Not to me, at least. I mean, it's a nice bus. I'll bet it's state of the art.

I'll bet it's state of the fucking art. What? I'm sure it is. It's nice, and I'm my spouse. So you're welcome on the bus, Bill. Well, you know, maybe I'd like to see the bus. Okay. So what are the accoutrements on the bus?

That like what do you... There's not a refrigerator? No kidding. Well, I mean, it's not like, and it's not like it's got a, nothing of a disco ball hanging up on the ceiling. It's like, you know, it's got a TV, it's got some TV's, it's got a bathroom.

It's got a bathroom, which shower, which nobody ever uses. But it's beautiful, got a bathroom. It's got a bathroom which, a shower which nobody ever uses. But, and the bathroom doesn't feel like a bus bathroom, right? It feels more like a private toilet bathroom. No, no. It's not elaborate, but it's still... Yeah, and I shower at the venues, so I wait for that. But are other people on the bus at some point? Well, yeah, I mean, that's a travel from place to place.

Right, of course. So there's other people in your home, basically, for six months of the year, all day. Well, they're like my brothers, so it's, I'm just saying, we're just different people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, what about, I've heard, you know, like this rule about the bathroom.

Oh, it's totally true. I hope so. Yeah. Just thinking about it, I'm rule about the bathroom. Oh, it's totally true. I hope so. Yeah. Just thinking about it, I'm just it. Yeah. Yeah, so it's... But that's just something, you know, there's this phrase, nature calls.

Right. Well, I mean, what happens to me? You just make your body build. You really? You really? Yeah. You can't, like, a dog. Like a little little little box.

Yeah. In the front row. Shit. Yeah. So nobody ever does it in the bus but you. But you can do it. No, I do not. Even at night when there's nobody there and it's just you, you must. No. Really? Yes. No number two on the bus. That's the number one rule. So where do I can roll? Where do you do it? At gas stations? Well, at the hotel. I mean, the band checks on the hotel, so I'll go into the hotel, use the bathroom, or if they're with the venue, I use the venue. Okay, so after tonight.

Yes. I don't want to say this on the paper. You're going to email me, you're not worth. And depending on... Isn't that online? Isn't everything online? Depending on what this number is, we'll determine how much shit I'm going to give you about going to the bathroom at a gas station

at your age, half the, because I have a feeling that's gonna be a very big number and you're gonna get a lot of shit. Okay. Because that's just crazy. I mean, nothing could be, yes, the roar of the crowd, the smell of the grease paint, the peels of laughter, the love from the crowd.

I agree, that's right up here. And then on the other side, shitting at the shell station, I gotta go with not shitting at the shell station. That doesn't bother me though. I see. We have different people. You were different people.

People, people who need shape, come on, we'll write a new battery. I just saw funny girl like last week when I were in New York. I just saw Stricin. Hey, there you go. I topped you there, didn't I? You sure did. Was she on the show?

No, I saw her at her birthday party. Nice. Oh yeah, we're friends. She's awesome. I love her. Did you ever do a parody of a Stricin? I never did, Reese. Oh yeah, we're friends. She's awesome. I love her. Did you ever do a parody of a Traceon? I never did. No. Do you have to get permission from people? It's, you know, every time somebody asks that, I always use the phrase gray area because it is. You

know, I don't necessarily need to, but I've made it a policy because I don't like to, you know, step on people's toes. That, I think that's what I mean. Your name is weirdo, but you're really this nice polite, reasonable. I don't want to step on toes. No. Please, I could just take your song, but this is not what I want to do. We need to be happy.

I want you to be happy. I'm good here at the show station. No, no, no, no, no. You've a light office, okay? I don't know the dark, it's fine. This is my name on the tall bus. It's my talent that's selling all this, but I don't know how else you can do.

Shit, in the Shell Station with everybody else, just like a regular person. I'm not a special guy. Oh, and what can the toilet paper be like in there? I just can't obsess with this. And it's... What kind of toilet paper? In the shell station, and where you're shitting,

I mean, it's just like, it's so ridiculous. It's... There must be a way the technology could fix this. So you could have both things. That you could both be on the road. We've got to get musk or someone smart on this issue just maybe a house that like traveled. Well that work, I don't know.

Wouldn't it be better than a bus? A house that travels? Yeah. I've seen houses on the road when they're moving houses, do you ever see that? Yeah, I don't think that's a viable option though. No. No.

Really? What? Hey, wait, that's not a wait a second. If they can carry it, they can take a house on it. If you can get a man to the moon. I have seen this, where they're moving a whole house. Yes, I have to. Okay, I'm gonna live in those houses while they're moving.

White, bad eyes. What? Some people see a house on the road and they say, why? I see a house on the road and say, why not? Why not? If you can carry it on the road, why not live in it on the road?

And it is a whole house. And they take up like three lanes of traffic, right? I mean, that's like, I don't think that's would be, it would be very popular on the highway. Well, why do they allow them to do it at all? I mean, yes, they do take up three lanes of traffic, but it's not like they say. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.

Well, and I guess getting through the toll booth. Yeah. That as well. On the dude you're sitting there like, it's going to be a problem. How do houses get through like stuff like that? that's what I'm doing. I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things.

I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things.

I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things.

I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things. I'm doing a lot of things. I can't wait to see it, honestly. Oh thanks man. And since you're, you say you live very near. Yeah. I mean, I mean, I mean, everybody lives in hell. I would love to. I've been to your place now. Right. And you've been politically incorrect. Yes. So you say. I don't know. It's so long ago. I may not have been. I don't remember. I don't want to remember. I don't know. It's so long ago, I may not have been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been, been, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've traveled in, I'm obsessed with this. All right, good luck on your birthday. Appreciate it. That was fun. We're gonna take the rest of our home with me, so. Yeah, no, please, that's yours.

Thanks. Just the way we are here. Where is my dope? Clarin' up. where we are here, where is my dope? CloudRandom.