Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - ADHD Struggles, Sadfishing & Toxic Family Members

Episode Date: July 11, 2024

CC360: Kail has been struggling with her ADHD as of recently and, after a Tiktok about an ADHD habit, she is contempting on possible medications. Lindsie shares her experience with getting diagnosed. Lindsie wants to know how far people go when it comes to healthy living, Kail is concerned about the uptick in "Sadfishing" and they answer some Listener questions regarding toxic family members. Today's Foul Play is a reminder to never trust the smell of a fart! Check out our Instagram @coffeeconvospodcast for more! Thank you to our sponsor!  Chime: Get started at chime.com/convosJust Thrive: To save 20% off a 90-day bottle of Just Thrive Probiotic and Just Calm go to JustThriveHealth.comProgressive: Visit Progressive.com to learn moreRocket Money: Manage your expenses the easy way by going to RocketMoney.com/COFFEECONVOSStamps: Visit Stamps.com and use code COFFEE for a 4-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale!

I hate gift giving and receiving. Receiving gifts is so weird. What do you say thank you? This is Coffee Convo's with Kale Lowry and Lindsey Chrisley. I really want you to be in your feels, Kale. That does not interest me whatsoever. I feel very attacked by you. A spirited discussion about motherhood, friendship, family,

and life in the public eye. I'm just not with the fakery anymore. There's a fakery bakery around here. Here's Kale and Lindsey. Hello, cutie. Hello, girlfriend. How are you? I am frustrated this morning. I am so pissed off. Why? I'm going to pull a Kail. Don't piss me off. Good morning and welcome to Coffee Combo's podcast. I had to get cosmic stardust because I have not been able to find Breezeberry anywhere for weeks. They must have sent this to me because I only have this one and the cherry slush and I don't

like cherry slush. Do you like Breezeberry? Yeah, I love this one. I love that one too. I don't like the slushy ones either. They're like too sweet for me. Yeah, way too sweet. What's going on? What's going on over

the year? I mean, we are so the goats are settling in two other balls off. And so we just have that and I'm trying to get them to like, they I have the hiccups. Sorry, guys. So they're adjusting and I'm just trying to get them to like be friendly with me because they basically act like dogs like no No, funny. Did you say two of their balls fell off? Yeah, so they're like banded and they'll fall off in the yard. Wait, what?

Mm-hmm So they're banded and they'll just drop in the yard and the chickens will eat it Wait, I need more explanation and the chickens will eat it. Wait, I need more explanation. Like how do they just fall off? Does their skin not break? Well, so they're banned, like kind of like what you would do to a skin tag.

Yeah, but like, how does it, they not have like an open spot where their balls were? I'm not entirely sure on that, but two of them have fallen off. And I think we found one last night when we went down there, but I like wasn't sure if it was the balls because Elijah was like, I don't know that like looks really small. But I was like, but we don't know if we're just seeing it today. And it might have fallen off like three

days ago. So it might have like, started to deteriorate in the grass. So it's very possible that that was in fact a testicle. Is that how they fix goats? Yeah. But what about girl goats? I don't know that you fix girl goats. Like I don't know. I don't know what the process is on that. I got the the males whether it's called weathered males because they said that they're more friendly, like this particular farmer said that. So I just I really live for the reactions that I'm getting. So I told V I'm telling you, I think the episode with V won't air until after this. I also told Kristen and just like wait for also I told Elijah because he wasn't there when the farmer told me this in casual

conversation like sprinkled it in like a little bit a little bit of spice and was like Yeah, and then they eat this and then you'll do this and blah blah blah And then their balls will fall off and then the chickens might eat it But then you might want to feed them once a day. But some people feed them twice a day. And he just like sprinkled it in there. So I have a really good me why a farmer would sprinkle it in there because that's probably such a normal part of their life, just like goats balls falling off and shit. And for people like us, that

sounds absolutely terrifying. My girlfriend used to have these two precious like Little tiny goats and they never really grew up They must be like a specific kind because they never looked like they grew up They just look like babies all the time and they have eyeballs that go the opposite way. Yeah, like they go Horizontally. Yeah. Wait, why don't I have a picture of these goats? Oh, I didn't send you a picture? No. I have lots of pictures of them. Are you still getting the pig or is that like a no-go?

Well, so we went to go see the pigs and one of them was having some health issues with like being blind and you know, stuff like that. I don't think that we were fully prepared for the pigs. They have to have like an electric fence and like all of those things. You can't have them near the goats or the chickens. So I think that we're going to go a different route with the goats or the pigs. I think we can still get pigs. I just don't think that those ones were necessarily for us because they were like full grown, one was blind, you know, just like we weren't, we aren't equipped yet for that.

So are you getting everything in multiples? Like there's no option to just get like maybe one. I think pigs you can get one. I think goats are like herd animals, so they do better in pairs. And then same with like horses, and I'm not sure about cows, but I think, I think mostly they do well with a companion, whether it be two of the same animal or like you could put a donkey and a horse together. Or I think you could put like, um, maybe sheep and goats together. I'm, I'm not entirely sure. Wow. As if you don't have enough going on in your life already,

let's just get a lot of other things to take care of. But you know what the farm animals are easier than the kids. The farm animals are easier than the dogs. The farm animals are even easier than the cats. So I just feel like this is the best. Like I absolutely love it. The kids love it and I don't know what it is. Well, today, Jackson is at home. I went to Pilates at the wrong time. Oh, good.

How'd that happen? It was, I don't know. I don't know. I went to the time that was on my calendar and I guess they like had an internal mess up. So I had no Pilates class. Jackson has still not had anything to eat yet because I didn't have time. By the time I got back home and settled, I didn't have any time to go and get anything. So I was like, it's going

to be lunch. We're fasting. We're fasting. I mean, that's one of those days where you're like, okay, unlimited snacks until we can get our shit together. Yes. I need to ask you a question. When you're shopping at the grocery store and they'll have a buy one get one, like free, you know?

Yeah. Okay. I had no idea and maybe this is just Publix grocery store. But with BOGO, from what I'm understanding, because I just looked it up online, a lot of places honor this, that if you buy one, and you get one, that is the deal, right? Because you're getting one free. Right. But if you buy one, and you don't want to get one, it's half off. What? You know what I'm

saying? Like if you buy one item that you should have bought completely will be half off. Yeah. Interesting. I wonder why. Like, I don't know. But I'm versing myself on the deals and I just need to let you know. So like for an example, what was the item that would buy one get one and why? This is like at Publix grocery store here at y'all might not have Publix but they'll do buy one get one on little bites like all the time like the little mini muffins if you don't

get one the one is half off but why for something like that why wouldn't you get the second one? Well I would on little bites. Oh, okay, okay. But let's say it was like buy one, get one, and it's bread, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, no. I might have two loaves of bread

so I could get one half off. Right, right. Does that make sense? Or like if it's an item that is specifically for something that you're making this one time, like I could see, okay, that makes sense. But like little bites. Anytime there's a deal, I have to get that because my kids live for little bites.

Wait, have you seen the meme that's like, I need to take it up with the people who made little bites? Like, why are there only four in there? Oh, yeah, we have to fight. We can take this shit right outside. Take this shit right up. Because why? Why? Because adults also eat them, which is so funny. I used to eat them all the time. I don't eat them anymore. But I just crack up because four of those little bites don't even equal one muffin.

I think the whole point is because it's supposed to be like a smaller portion. So not smaller portion. At this point, Jackson eats two bags of little bites. It kind of gets expensive. No, it does. It's really, really does. It really does. And I am very particular about them. I only like the chocolate chip. I don't like the Funfetti and I don't like the brownie. Right? No, I like the chocolate chip and the brownie. I don't like

the blueberry. And so and my kids are very picky to like Lux really only likes the brownie. I don't like the blueberry. And so, and my kids are very picky too. Like Lux really only likes the brownie ones. And then the other kids really like the chocolate. I can't, I can't, I can't. You have a whole array of little bites in your mouth. We only do chocolate chip in this house. However, do kids outgrow loving blueberries? I don't like blueberries in general. So I don't really like

muffins, pancakes, I have blueberries in that. So I probably created those monsters of my children. Like I think they'll eat them. But like we're not I'm not I feel like, I feel like little kids always love blueberries, like most little kids, right? I'm not saying your kids specifically, but just for like, in general, most kids love blueberries. At some point, Jackson stopped caring about blueberries. It's a different kind of-

Do they grow out of it? I think so. I think they do. Yeah. That's just, that's unfortunate. Okay, I have something that I saw. This was in the Coffee Combos Facebook group. I saw it. And I have to like go slow saying this. I forget what it says. It's like burned oil.

Five bowls of boiling water. Five bowls of boiling water. Five bowls of boiling water. Five bowls of boiling water. Five bowls of boiling water. Five bowls of boiling water. You say bowls and bowling. Five bowls of boiling water. You know what really irks me? What? Is the IMG on words. Like why can't we just drop the G? We're fighting. Because I feel like most Southerners do yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. I'm fixing to do this. Yeah, I'm going to the store. Are you about to get a spanking? Oh, yeah. Yeah. You know, like there's no G. I mean, we lose the entire G. I'm trying to think of like what the

North eat, what we say in the Northeast. I think we pronounce everything like mostly with a G. Yeah. So I don't know. That's interesting. That's really interesting. I am. I wonder also if that's why, you know, like in the rankings of schools, like throughout the United States, the southern states are in the lowest of the rankings and the northern states are at the highest. But I don't know if that's fair because you can't help the way you pronounce something because of- It's probably because we're out here saying, I'm going to give you a spanking. I'm fixing to do this. Five bowls of boiling water.

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was with ADHD as an adult, right? Like, so I think a lot of my childhood symptoms were kind of just like, I don't know, misdiagnosed, mistreated, mishandled, all the things, right? So I get diagnosed maybe like three years ago, maybe four, I don't know. And for my entire life, I thought that when we have a conversation

and you tell me a story about something, I am like, oh, wow, something like that very similar happened to me. I tell you and I share my story. I thought we were finding commonality. I thought we were finding a common ground, a conversation, shared experiences. That's what I thought was happening. Evidently not. Evidently that is ADHD.

That is the ADHD urge to share that. And people don't like that. People don't like that. People think that you're making the conversation about you when really you're just trying to relate in a shared experience, shared thoughts, shared feelings, et cetera. I had no idea and I'm almost upset about it because I do feel like there are certain times where maybe I need to just like

hold back and not do that. There's a time and place where I need to listen and not share my experience, but I also think that there are, and that's very hard for me to do because I have ADHD, so I have to fight the urge to do that, right? Like I just listen, don't respond kind of thing, but I kind of am upset because I feel like why do we, I almost feel like I, why do we have to label that as something? Why does that have to be the ADHD urge to do that? I thought that that was normal and everybody did that. I am shocked that that is the case and I have never heard of that at all. It does make sense to me how it would be a trait of, I guess, ADHD. But that's wild

because I do feel like that that's being like a great conversationalist, you know, like, I am relating to you and you're relating to me and we're, you know, in this conversation of shared experience. That makes sense. But also there is a time and a place for that. shared experience. That makes sense. But also there is a time and a place for that. Sometimes it's not appropriate. It's like, okay, somebody telling you, for example, something so extreme, like, my husband passed away, I think it's more appropriate for you to sit and listen in that conversation, versus sharing your experience until it's appropriate to share your experience.

Maybe that's what she meant. Maybe it's like ADHD, people who have ADHD don't know when to differentiate. I do know when to differentiate. Now that I've listened to her say this, I do know when to differentiate and I know I actively work at it, but the urge is still there when it's not appropriate, if that makes sense. So maybe not more. So what she meant about the ADHD, such like part of it, I just don't know how we like I guess I wouldn't think about in a

conversation, I wouldn't think about it being like, making it about them, like even if it wasn't appropriate, I would never be like, Oh, she them making it about them. Like even if it wasn't appropriate, I would never be like, oh, she's making it about them unless it was something that had nothing to do with the conversation. You know what I mean? I mean, I would venture out to say that, I mean, I'm not a doctor, obviously, and I'm quite stupid, to be frank, but I would venture out to say that most people have some signs of ADHD. I would only imagine that I have one friend that I'm thinking of right now that I believe would say if you were sharing an experience with them when they were sharing something hard or difficult for them with you and you have a similar situation or have been in a

similar situation that they would say, oh, you're making it about you. But most everyone else that I'm like racking my brain of people that I have conversations with on a daily basis would never say that that was like inappropriate. Okay. So we're on the same page about this. Like it's a little shocking. But I also was diagnosed with ADHD when I was a freshman in college. And so maybe we just think the same on that because we're both ADHD. I think sometimes too people are thinking to themselves, oh, that person is making it

about like, like I can think of one person who would probably think to themselves, wow, Kail's making this about herself. And I just want it to be known here. If anyone that I have had a conversation with in person, online, um, just in general, and you're listening to this podcast and you have thought that about me, I had never intentionally made it about me. Like that was never like a thought like, Oh, let me flip it. Like it's always just been trying to find commonality.

Like I never meant to offend anyone or be selfish. It's so strange that you're even bringing this up because I had a conversation with my therapist not too long ago. And she was talking about conversation and being a resolver of conflict. And how when you're listening to somebody and they're sharing something with you, you don't have to have a place in that conversation, right? Like your place in that conversation doesn't have to be a shared experience or, oh, you did this, I did this. Or for example, let's say we're having a conversation about miscarriage,

okay? You've had miscarriages, I've had a miscarriage. I don't know that my therapist would say it would be absolutely appropriate if you were sharing that you miscarried. And then I immediately start sharing my miscarriage story with you. That might not be the most appropriate setting for that time, not that it's inappropriate to share that information. But sharing it at that time would not be appropriate. But when we have ADHD, how that's hard.

No, we need to be medicated. That's very difficult. Because I don't think, again, it's like, it's like a thought, like we have to actively work to not share that and it's not because it's, okay, so that makes, that does fit into this, that ties into all of this. But she was telling me, like for example, if someone messaged me on Instagram and said, okay, like yesterday, I got a message that said,

I listened to both of your podcasts, love you and kill you guys have helped me through some of the hardest times and through my divorce. Okay, the most appropriate response to that would be in my opinion, and probably in my therapist opinion, I sympathize with you and very much relate. Not I've been through that I I understand how you feel. Right. Or like share. I shouldn't be sharing information with her about my divorce that would make her feel like her situation was smaller than mine. Does that make sense? Yes. So where do I go to take coaching classes? Like, I need to be coached. ADHD coaching classes.

I swear to God, like that's something that I want to actively work on because I also think that the more that my, I don't know if this is true, like I don't, but it feels like the longer that my ADHD goes untreated and I didn't treat it because I was diagnosed around the time that I got pregnant and so I would, and then I had back to back pregnancies. So I couldn't be on ADHD meds. I mean, I don't know if I could or couldn't, but I wasn't going to. I actively am thinking about what I'm saying while I'm saying it. And sometimes I pause in the

middle to think about it. And then I get so like, distracted and I can't finish a track track. I'm actively thinking and I think part of it is comes from trauma of things that I say coming out of context and being used against me, my words being twisted and used against me things that I you know, headlines and things like that, like I truly and wholeheartedly believe that so now I'm thinking about what I'm saying, I'm double thinking about what I'm saying and then I forget what

my train of thought and so like I'm thinking about what I'm saying. I'm double thinking about what I'm saying. And then I forget what my train of thought is. And so like, I'm actively doing those things. And then I think I'm awkward when I finally get out what I'm trying to say and how I'm trying to say something, it comes out awkward because of what you just said. I'm not really necessarily replying or responding with the appropriate response. That would even be what you just suggested

would be an easier response for me because I don't want to relate my story to yours because I feel like now I'm making it about me. I don't know how to respond. So where do I go to training? It's I hope somebody is an ADHD coach because I also need to go to it for sure. I am unmedicated ADHD. So all the time. Or have you been medicated? Like, have you tried meds? How have they worked for you?

Yeah, I have tried meds. And in fact, Kristin knows when I take my medicine and when I don't. Because she notices a difference. Yeah. So what's stopping you from taking the medication? Remember, like many moons ago on the podcast when I said I do not like being on medicine. Like I will be not quick to take Tylenol. I will be quick not to take an allergy pill. Don't like antibiotics. I just hate medicine in general. Yeah.

And why do I need to be reliant on a medication if I can fix the problem without meds? The problem that I think I struggle with the most is it's not a fixable problem without the med, but I still don't wanna take the medicine. I feel, I don't know if there's different level, like if it's a spectrum of ADHD or if there's like types of, I don't know much about my diagnosis because I never really did anything.

There wasn't anything I could do when I was pregnant for fucking four years, you know what I mean? So I feel the opposite. I feel like my ADHD is interfering with my everyday life and I don't know if it's because I'm actively thinking about it more. I don't know if it's because it actually is getting worse. Like I don't know, but I feel the opposite.

Like I'm at a point where it's like, I need to be medicated or I can't, like I'm not finishing sentences. I'm at a point where it's like, I need to be medicated or I can't... I'm not finishing sentences. I'm not finishing thoughts. I have executive dysfunction to the point that it's overtaking my life. So I wonder when I get medicated, if I'll feel... You know how they say with some people with mental health issues, bipolar disorder and things like that, they think they're better, so they stop taking the meds. I don't have that. I'm like, oh, the meds are helping. I never want to stop. Okay. That makes sense. Also, I don't like how I feel when I'm on the ADHD medicine,

even though I know that it's better for me to be on it. Okay. Some of it, I think, too, when I did get diagnosed in college, because my parents would never have me tested as a child for it, it was always a you're born how you're born and you have to figure out how to kind of work with it. So I kind of feel like I was ashamed to need to be on a medicine and it was something that I could not control on my own. So then I needed to be reliant on a medicine. So I think part of it stems a little bit from that. And then we heard all of these things, you know, back when Vyvanse came out or Adderall

came out that people were becoming addicted to this stuff. And then my parents did this research and it's like, it's basically And I'm not saying that that's that's what it is I'm just saying that that's what their idea of the medicine was and They didn't want me on it and they were like you're gonna become addicted to that Family has very addictive personality. So we don't want you on the medicine Even though I was an adult at that time. And so then I kind of became what I felt like was shamed into not taking the medicine. And so now I've lived so long without it and I have it like it's in my cabinet. I could take it. I just don't.

That's so interesting. I feel like, you know, when I was depressed and I was in a really deep, dark fucking hole, I used that I didn't want to take those meds, right? Like that was something that I was like, those types of feelings about like the shame and like, okay, if I'm on these depression meds, and I have to live with this, like whatever, finally, what is it the words to come to I need meeting meds, right? And I feel like certain people and depression, you can, it's like as needed, right? And then you wean off and you do it the right way. And you feel like, you know, I feel like as needed, right? And then you wean off and you do it the right way. And you feel like, you know,

I feel like I did all of that the right way. So I will never regret that experience. I will always say that if someone needs the meds, it doesn't have to be long-term. And I don't know if ADHD meds are the same way. Like do people that have ADHD only take meds sometimes, and then, you know, you're able to kind of wean off for a little while, and then you can go to kind of wean off for a little while

and then you can go back to it as needed or is it like a lifelong thing? Because I feel like depression meds for some people can be a lifelong thing. They can also be short term as needed maybe for long term and then you come off. But is it the same with ADHD? Kristin, do you know the answer to that? Because like maybe that's a situation where like sometimes you can manage it and sometimes you don't, you can't. Okay, I need to talk to you about stamps.com. If you've been following me on Instagram, I launched my Poshmark. So I'm actively selling things all the time and

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that it is something that needs to be taken every day and not just when you choose to do it. Okay. However, that's not what I do. Okay. Also, Jackson was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago and we've tried various forms of medication and he will be starting a new medication at the start of school, his pediatrician actually recommended that he be on the meds during school days and not on the meds during the off school days or in the summer.

Okay. I mean, I can get behind that. I could understand that. I feel like if there's a treatment plan like that, would you feel comfortable with something like that? Like if you have work days that you would take the meds and then you could come off of it? Or is it like adults should be on it mostly? I think probably on the working days that I should not be operating with executive dysfunction,

I need to be taking the meds. And Kristin and I have had this conversation. This has been going on for months. I can't even believe that we're having this conversation on the podcast because I'm struggling. I'm struggling so hard. Like I will, Lindsay, I will look at a mess and I cannot do anything about it. There is no, I could have to do it. It's not a laziness though. And that's what people, that's what people think. Oh, well, you have this mess and you're too lazy to clean it up. No, in fact, I'm not, I have, I have gone through multiple different messes.

I'm not even kidding you. I will see piles of stuff, right? I'll go and start on one pile. And then I don't know if it's, I get bored or I start thinking of something else, but then I'll go to another pile and then none of the piles ever get like fully done. No, that was me over the weekend. We I was like going through my closet. My closet was just destroyed, right? Like, poor Elijah has a section that's this fucking big and then all my shit was taking over. So I'm like, we have to do this. I started crying because

I was like, I don't even know where to start. Number one. And then like a little bit through, I like got distracted doing something else. And I cried again because I was like, I can't focus. Like I can't even you pull me away for one second and I'm never going back. So a lot. She was like just do this small section and I got the rest because you like we have to tackle this. But I it's bad and I feel like I stutter a lot more. I am losing my train of thought more. And I don't know if I'm just noticing it more. I don't know if it's I don't know. I don't fucking know. But I hate it. I hate every

fucking bit of it. So Kristin, this makes sense to me. She said that stimulants are out of your system. And that's why it's needed every day, like within 12 to 24 hours, I believe they do do have non-stimulant options that take weeks to build up in your system and then you stay on it. I'm pretty sure the non-stimulant is what they prescribed to me when I got diagnosed and then I was pregnant. So I was like, I actually don't want to take anything during my pregnancies. And so if I, Kristen, am I, is that right?

Isn't that what they prescribe? Like something non-stimulating? Okay. So I ended up not ever doing anything with the non-stimulant because I was like, I'm having back-to-back pregnancies and then I was going to attempt to breastfeed whatever, whatever. And then I just never did anything else. Like I never went back for another checkup.

I never checked back in. I never got on, but like I'm at the point where I need to do something and I just don't know where to start, so. Well, I was prescribed Vyvanse is what I was prescribed. So that's what I have in my cabinet that I regularly don't take. And when I tell you, Kristin and I have been having this conversation

for months at this point that I need to be taking them during the work week. And if I don't wanna take them on the weekend, perfectly fine, But I need to take them during the work week because I truly cannot function the way a normal person without executive dysfunction can function. So when you guys, she said that Corey says he hates how stimulants make him feel. What is that? I've never been on them. So I don't know what that like, the depression meds when I was going through that whole thing, I did not love the way that, I think it was, what was I on first, Zoloft?

Or did I switch to Zoloft? I don't remember, I took one first. Yes, it was Zoloft and then Lexapro. Zoloft, I hated the way those made me feel. Is it like that or like, okay, so it affects everything down to your mood when you're unmedicated? Right, okay, so when you guys are medicated, do you feel like a zombie? No, I think that I'm so focused on whatever it is that I'm doing that needs to be done.

Yes, it is a little bit robotic. She said it feels boring with no personality. That's how I felt on depression meds. But Lexapro didn't have all of those side effects that Zoloft had for me. There were still some, but I, and eventually I was like, okay, like I think I'm in a place where I could like wean off of them and whatever. And I do think that I'm a little bit, I'm not sleeping as much. I don't feel tired. I don't feel bogged down like some of those things, but I needed, they worked and they served their purpose while I was on them. Is it the same for ADHD? Sorry. I didn't feel bogged down like some of those things, but I needed they worked and they serve their purpose while I was on them. Is it the same for ADHD? Sorry. I didn't expect to go down with this like crazy rabbit hole, but

I'm, I'm lost. I would love to know from the listeners who were diagnosed as adults or have experience with medication. If any of this stuff is making sense to you and whatever your experience is, if you would be willing to share with us in our Facebook group, I think that would be very helpful. I just do not love the idea of feeling dependent on something outside of myself. And maybe that's a trauma response. I really don't know.

Jackson's starting a new medication. His pediatrician recommended that starting a new med to start the month before school starts back. So that's coming up soon. I'll let you know what I see because I plan on documenting, you know, like everything just for his medical record to show the difference between the medications.

Outside of that, remember me telling you that I saw something online about like living a healthier lifestyle that I wanted to share with you? Yes. Okay. So this was very relatable to me. And I saw it on a girl's Instagram page. And she said, I shared a healthy recipe that I was making for my family.

I use locally sourced pasture raised chicken and organic vegetables. But I got bombarded with messages telling me that the crock pot I was using was toxic. I'm all about making healthy and low-tox swaps but these messages got me thinking about how this is why healthy living can feel so unattainable. If you take one or two positive steps like cooking at home or eating organic vegetables there's always a reminder somewhere that you could do more or what you have done is not enough. This is not a burden we were made to bear. If we are bogged down by the stress and weight of striving for perfection, how can we be truly well? Do I plan to switch

my crock pot out? Yep, eventually, but I haven't yet and I'm 0% worried about it. To me, it is still better to cook at home than order fast food. My goal when it comes to wellness for myself or for my family is never perfection. It is to simply be aware and not scared. I do what I can to be a good steward of the body that I've been given. If you have been trying to make healthy changes or swaps but feel like you're never doing enough, please don't believe the lie that if you can't do everything, you might as well do

nothing. None of us can do everything. Every small thing that you do to care for your body matters. It all adds up. And I felt like that was so relatable because you and I have had conversations so many times about wanting to make healthier choices, but not really knowing where to start and what to do. And I do think that the internet can be so great for things,

but so bad for things as well. Like if I went online today and started talking about how I was making all of these positive life changes, what felt like positive for me, and I am purchasing organic, and I am only going to produce stands, locally sourcing vegetables, whatever, there's always going to be somebody in the background that has something negative to say like, oh, well, your crock pot that you're cooking that in is toxic. But where do we start? I still don't have the answer for that.

Think about all the things we have in our house, right? Like a spatula, for example. Where do we start? Like how do we know what to get rid of? How do we know what is good? Because right now what I'm thinking of is Annie's organic macaroni and cheese, right? There was a study that was done that showed that Annie's

organic macaroni and cheese actually was more toxic than Kraft. And actually, it's crazy that you brought these topics up because I also saw a video that Bonza pasta made from chickpeas was found to have outrageous amounts of glyphosate. And if you guys don't know what glyphosate is, it's Roundup like weed killer. And this independent lab decided to test the pasta and found that it had the highest rate of glyphosate that they have ever seen.

But see how scary that is. So I have gone back and forth with the whole like, like sunscreens, for example, right? Like we all know we've talked about the sunscreen thing. It's super toxic for you. But like if we're going to use it, we should try to use one that's like more zinc and you know, whatever, like things like that. I have gone back and forth with the idea that like, if I'm not doing it all, then I'm gonna die anyway, I might as well just have chemicals. But then I also go through periods of time where I'm like, okay, the little things matter.

And if eventually I find things that really become normal and part of my routine, they'll add up and I can implement more and more. I go back and forth with it. Some days I'm like, yeah, every little step counts. And some days I'm like, yeah, every little step counts. And some days I'm like, wow, every, you try to replace it with things that are non-toxic like Bonza chickpea pasta. And that's actually more poisonous than fucking beria or whatever, however it's pronounced.

Like I don't have time. I don't know what to do. Where do you start? How do you even, where do you begin? Okay, so when, I can just tell you this experience. Whenever Will and I were married, we used to do no fast food Januaries. Okay, I remember that.

You remember that? Yeah. So after January was over, we didn't crave fast food anymore, because I think it's like 28 days to create a habit or something like that. So once the month was over, we didn't want it anymore. So I think that's a good place to start

for maybe like my eating out and fast food intake is to just do an entire month of the answer is no. And it is really hard when you're accustomed to just being able to pull through somewhere and be like, okay, I'm hungry and I really need to eat. So I'm gonna go ahead and grab it. The whole thing with fast food for me is being pre prepared in advance. Like I remember how we used to do the taco bowls or whatever. And we had it already prepared

in the fridge. It was easy to just be able to pull out, but it takes a lot of preparation to get to that point. And I think you have to change your mindset on true convenience because that is not, it is convenient in the end, but in the time that you're doing it, it doesn't feel very convenient. So I think that's an easy way. If you can just set your mind to say, okay, we're not doing any fast food for an entire month. That's an easy way to rid yourself or to start ridding yourself of that habit. But when it comes to making the healthy choices, I don't know what the answer to that is because

you see all of these reports come out, okay, well, this is marked organic, but now there's like Roundup and Weedkiller that's in the shit. So how do you know as a consumer what you're choosing is truly the healthier option? That's a good point. I also, because of my ADHD and my executive dysfunction and my lack of focus and attention, until I get that under control, which is probably poison that I'm putting into my body also, I won't be able to make any of these decisions. I also have no idea where to get sunscreen that is zinc. No clue.

You and I were talking about sunscreen when I was in Mexico, and Kristin made a good point. She sat on the bottle of the spray sunscreen, and I know a lot of people probably use the spray sunscreen on their kids because if anyone has a child like mine, they are not going to be still long enough for me to rub sunscreen on all of their body. But the spray is the most toxic sunscreen that you can have is the spray. Does anyone else hate the way that sunscreen

feels on your skin? Because I feel so friggin dirty. I like when I have sunscreen on. I can take a shower before I put my swimsuit on, which I always do. Take a shower, put my swimsuit on, put on sunscreen. Immediately when the sunscreen goes on, I feel like I have not had a shower for weeks. Interesting. Kristen said me, I still use spray, but it's so bad. It is so bad, so, so bad, but here we are. I don't know where you get the zinc.

I think that when Jackson was younger, baby Gannix had come out and I used baby Gannix sunscreen and I still think that that's a pretty highly recommended sunscreen. I don't know, we need to do some research on this stuff before we start recommending what we're going to be using. Right now I'm using some vacation brand sunscreen and it's spray, so I'm probably just doing nothing good. It talks. You all have heard me talk about Chime several times. If you have not heard about Chime,

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Out of network ATM withdrawal and OTC advanced fees may apply. Terms and conditions apply. Go to chime.com slash disclosures for details. Next, I want to read something that came from the Facebook page. This was about boundaries and it was on our regular Facebook page for coffee combos. Is there such thing as unreasonable boundaries? Oh, I love this conversation. There was some mixed feelings on this, but I want to say like my own feelings on this.

Initially, when I read it, I was like, yeah, I do think that there are unreasonable boundaries. And then the more comments I read, I was like, okay, the boundaries are for you, not for the other person. So if I am constantly making boundaries that seem so outrageous and so unreasonable that like nobody's gonna ever want to be around me because everything is a fucking boundary. That's my problem, right? Like that is, but again, they're for me, not for the other person.

I do think that there is like, if someone, if you, for example, were setting boundaries for everything, it's like, don't text me, Don't text me after 5pm, but also don't email me after 5pm on nights and weekends. And also I'm not taking any phone calls. And when we're together in person, I'm only going to be available from this. I don't want to be around you and I'm not going to be your friend. That is the boundary that you set and that is okay. I now have the choice to either follow the boundaries to continue to be your friend or just don't even associate. And for me, it's like, I'm not even gonna associate. So yes, do I think that they're outrageous? Yes, I think they're outrageous.

But at the end of the day, I have that decision to make whether I wanna continue following them or not. So I guess they can be outrageous, but that's not for you to, that like it is for you to decide on your end of it. But like, if you wanna continue making outrageous boundaries and there are some people that are following them and still your friend, but like if you want to continue making outrageous boundaries and there are some people that are following them and still your friend, then great for you.

But like for me, I'm not going to participate. Does that make sense? It makes total sense to me and you know how I feel about the boundary conversation. I've struggled with this once I started creating boundaries, right? Because at one point I don't think that I had any and I didn't know how to create the boundary and I was creating boundaries, but they were just said boundaries, but not applied boundaries, right? And I think that's a thing too.

A lot of people now that boundary setting has become a more popular term and normalized, right? I think that people will say, okay, well, I have this boundary. Yeah, no, the fuck don't. Because if you had the boundary, then why do you allow people to cross it all the time? That's no longer a boundary. Now you're just talking shit. That literally I know someone that I have to fucking work with on a regular basis and this person is

always like boundary this, boundary that, but you don't even stay true to the boundary most of the time. So how are you sitting there expecting me to respect the boundary when you're going back and forth on it every other fucking week? I don't have time for that. Yeah. I think a boundary from my understanding understanding from a therapeutic standpoint, my therapist has told me don't set boundaries that you can't adhere to for yourself. Right. Because

it's not fair to have a set boundary. You allow someone to cross it, you're not adhering to it. At that point, you're just talking to talk. Right? Yeah. No, that makes sense. 100% makes sense to me. I do think that there are unrealistic boundaries that but again, a boundary is what you set it as and like you're saying, you can choose to associate with the person that has that boundary or you can choose not to, right? So some of the comments are on this post and our Facebook group are saying, Megan said, what a lot of people seem to forget our boundaries are for you. You cannot force anyone to do

something simply because you command it. You cannot call me after 10pm. Wrong. They can. And if you're setting that boundary, the probability will a few times, they probably will a few times, the boundary should be I will not be accepting phone calls at 10pm, which is true. Like she's right. I can't sit here and say, you know, you can't call me after nine because you can't control what someone says. She says, so if anyone thinks the boundary you set for yourself is unreasonable, it's because they benefited from your original behavior, which we, I think we can all agree with that. Um, people put boundaries to protect themselves. You may think it's unreasonable, but that doesn't mean the boundary should or will change. I've definitely put boundaries with certain family members and they thought I was ridiculous, but that was exactly why

I put the boundaries on in the first place. Only you get to decide what you tolerate and that goes for everyone. That's not to say people don't the boundaries on in the first place. Only you get to decide what you tolerate and that goes for everyone. That's not to say people don't abuse and misuse the term boundaries. I think that's where the conversation needs to start is that people are misusing and miss, they're abusing and misusing the term boundaries. Like, oh, I have, like, like, like she just said,

the person above said, you can't call me past nine. That's not a bound, You can't control me. Okay. I have to ask you this question because it's something that I struggled with internally with my family. I have major anxiety, diagnosed major anxiety. Have you ever received a text message from someone that's like, call me? Yeah.

Okay. No motherfucker. I am setting this boundary. Do not text me the words, call me. If it is an emergency, you need to pick up the phone and you need to fucking call me because now you have given me such a level of anxiety. Why do I need to call you or call me ASAP?

But also, why didn't you just call? If it was important, why did you text that to me? I don't have a missed call from you. So I have told my dad used to do this to me all the time and my biological mom did it too. Call me. Okay, you too might not have anxiety or a fucking care in the world. However, that does not mean that I don't.

I do. I, that does not mean that I don't. I do. I recognize that for myself. Do not text me, call me. Or the best one, call me please. Why didn't you just call me? Please what? Like, why did you need to say please? Why did you even need to say call me?

Your phone works evidently because I just got the text message, so you call me. But is that unrealistic? No, or ridiculous? No. And I think the older I get, the more I recognize because I'm the same way. But I don't like doing that to people. So I'll be like, Hey, call me about this whenever you have time. Right? Like, if you have time, I just want to go over the podcast format or like call me when you have a minute. I want to talk

about what my therapy session looked like, you know, like just like give context because I recently, I think it was like within the last like three months, I got one of my kids' dads was like, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me. And like I wouldn't because there was no emergency. There was nothing to be talked about. There's no reason for me to call you. It's an emergency, call me. Well, if it's an emergency, why are you telling me? Why are you not calling 911? What is the emergency that you could not dial the thing

and say, hey, this is what's going on? Okay, I have another one for you. The focus mode that you can put your iPhone in, right? Does it give anyone else major anxiety? When someone has rang through your focus and it shows that they've called like two or three times but they're only calling two or three times because you're probably getting the beep because your phone is that and you're like, why did they call times?

And then you're like, Oh my god, I realized that they probably thought that and then or I have anxiety about when it happens to me and I'm like, it's not going through. Well, it's probably because they don't want it to go through and I don't think about that. But I'm like, Oh, fuck, now I look crazy. So is it an unrealistic boundary for me to tell my parents, this is a boundary for me, do not text me, call me, because you give me anxiety. If you need to call me, seems like you need to call me.

I don't need to call you. Well, why is that not common sense? I don't know, I don't know. And the response that I got, we're the parents, you are the child. Like, no, I'm fucking grown because I have a cell phone and I pay for it. So for

those reasons alone, I get to make the rules about my cell phone. Yeah. Everyone. Yeah. Yeah. You get to make your own rules about your cell phone. People get really upset about that one. I would love to know from people listening, what you find to be unrealistic boundaries and realistic ones. And then when we record again, we can go through them and decide if we think they're realistic or unrealistic. Okay, and before we go, I need to tell you about sad fishing, have you heard of this?

Do what? Sad fishing. No, what is this? Do you remember when we were growing up and then there would be an occasional like, oh, that person was threatening to commit suicide or something like that. And then other people would be like, oh, that was for attention. And yeah, sometimes I do think they would do it because they're, it's a cry for help,

right? Like regardless of if they were going to do it or not, they need help regardless. So we've kind of already known what sad fishing is, like fishing for attention because they kind of just need connection, they need help, they need answers, they need whatever. So they have termed that they have a term for it now. It's called sad fishing and it's the label that I don't know. I don't really know how I feel about the label because this has been going on since the beginning of time, right?

Like it's not new, but on parents.com, it was talking about how to avoid this or how to like make this not happen, right? But I said, the question is how do we get ahead of this as parents, because this has been happening since the beginning of time. How can we prevent the sad fishing from happening in the first place? Because we can pay attention to our kids all the time. We can offer them resources. And I think the problem now is social media with the sad fishing because we're wanting instant gratification, instant attention. And how do we handle it now?

Because we can give our kids all of these things, but they could still get on social media and sad fish and get that instant gratification of attention or whatever. But I also wrote that I think that it's scary because these kids that are sad fishing could be at risk for predators. Because if they're very impressionable with the attention, we have to be careful.

So I think that we need to be careful with social media and kids, but it also isn't exclusive to social media, right? Because it happened growing up. So I wrote down that, you know, my kids have come home from school and told me about certain things that people at school have said. And I am alarmed because some things are concerning and others do feel attention seeking.

Like Isaac has this one friend that I do feel says a lot of things that are attention seeking. That is still a problem, but I do, but I know that this child comes from a good family. So I know that it's not because it's not for lack of resources. It's just, and do people grow out of that? Do people not grow out of that? Like, I don't know how to get ahead of it if the parents and the family are already doing everything they can. So when I was growing up, there was this person that was in my life that had very, very strict parents to the point that basically the child could not live outside

of this strictness. So they expected to conduct themselves in a certain way. Doesn't matter what you feel or what you think, this is how you are going to portray yourself, right? So this child would come to school and say all of these things that felt very attention-seeking, but I believe it was because this child had very strict parents to the point that they did not feel comfortable to be honest with their parents or feel comfortable enough to be just who they were because their parents were so strict.

And so I think that a lot of the stuff with the children, you've got to look at the parenting style and the way that they're being raised. Right? Like you and I have very open parenting styles with our children. So there's not really a time that I feel if Jackson was going through something that he couldn't feel comfortable enough to say it to me or to Will and I, I feel confident enough to say it to me or to Will. And I feel confident enough to say that your children wouldn't do that either. Right. So it's less about, I guess, the family. Like it might be a good family. They just might be overbearing, overstrict that they don't feel comfortable. So they're looking

for something that they're not getting, even though they come from a good family. Is that kind of what you're- Or it could be the opposite, right? Where they are neglected in ways and not receiving the attention that they want to receive. So then they're going to school and seeking that attention that they're not getting at home. Is there a world where they could be getting everything that they need at home and they're still just attention? Absolutely. Because I also think that this kind of goes back to the thing that we discussed from the beginning of the episode where it's like there's labels for everything, right? Like, why are we labeling us thinking that we're finding commonalities in conversation

as neurodivergent or the ADHD urge, right? Like labels. But isn't there a world where there is just people who are attention seeking and there's not necessarily a problem at home or neglect at home in any way? Absolutely, I believe that to be true. And I think we can further this conversation and people believe that if you grow up with money or you don't grow up with money, that those two people cannot exist in the same world, right? Like me and you. You and I can have common problem and have grown up very differently.

Right. So the same can be said for attention seeking, whether you have family and resources or not. The person who was neglected and has all, you know, maybe grew up in poverty and the parents weren't super active could be attention seeking, but so can the person who was neglected and has all, you know, maybe grew up in poverty and the parents weren't super active could be attention seeking, but so can the person that was wealthy and all of those things had all the resources. Or maybe the one that grew up in poverty that lacked resources is not attention seeking

in any way. Like that's really interesting. I just, part of me wants to like figure it all out. And then part of me is like, what can we stop labeling all the things? Let's face it, life can be stressful, it can be overwhelming, and it's not just your mind that suffers when you're feeling tense and anxious. Stress can make a mess of your digestion and immune system too. We're introducing Just Calm, the breakthrough new stress busting formula from Just Thrive. Say goodbye to frazzled nerves and hello to a steady, chill, more relaxed you.

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a Mercedes for my first car and I cried? Because you wanted that. I wanted a Jetta. Oh, a Jetta, a Jetta, a Jetta. And like, I wanted the Jetta so bad. And I was convinced that my parents were gonna get me a Jetta because I was way smarter than what my parents probably gave me credit for.

And when it got time for me to get my first car and my birthday party was coming up, the Volkswagen convertible in our garage went missing. And I was like, Oh, my parents definitely took that to Volkswagen and they're getting me a Jetta. And they had a Volkswagen. Yeah. So when I was, when I was driving, um, when I first started driving, that's

when like the new Volkswagen convertibles like came out, the ones that like looked retro or whatever. And so we had a baby blue one. And Julie and I would drive around in like this baby blue little bug convertible. And she taught me how to drive in that okay. And so when that car went missing, I had convinced myself internally that they had taken that car to Volkswagen because they were going to trade it in for a Jetta. I mean, that's, I would think that that's exactly what I would think. But in fact, they got rid of that car and bought me a Mercedes and I didn't get my Jetta. And I just wanted to be like all of the other kids that were driving jettas and Jeeps and whatever, but I drove a

Mercedes. So I say all of that to say that problems can still exist. If you had access to finances or no access to finances, you have strict parents or non involved parents like I do think that there is common ground regardless of whatever. Yeah, for sure. I think, yeah, I would agree with that. I would agree with that. And you probably are sitting there like, Lindsay, you are such a spoiled little bitch. Like, why would you be upset about getting a Mercedes for your first car? I didn't want the Mercedes. Yes, I am thankful that my parents got me a Mercedes and I am thankful that I was able to even get a car to drive, right?

But I just wanted the fucking Jetta so that I could be normal like everybody else. Isaac wants a Jeep. That's what he's wanting. And Kristen was like, you can't get him a Jeep. You have to get him something reliable. No, he's getting a Jeep because I'm healing my inner child when he gets the Jeep.

Like I didn't want the Jeep, but I just know that if someone bought me a car, you know what I mean? Like it just, guess what? I also healed. I thought about this other day because V had posted like all the hot girls drove Jeddas or whatever back in the day. And I healed my inner child when I became an adult and could afford to buy my own car. I bought a Jetta. Did you really? Yeah.

Stop. That is like, I love full circle moments like that because- Yeah. Since this podcast has been going on since 2017, I bought a new Jetta during that time. Was it white? Yeah. I feel like I remember that. I feel like I remember that, but now, but you don't have it anymore, right?

No, but I healed my inner child with that Jetta. Yeah, period. A lot of traumas were fixed from that Jetta. Will was like that Jetta was the worst thing that could have ever fucking happened to you. Well, you healed the child, an inner child and you and that's the bottom line. So all is great again. We have a couple of listener topics.

I don't know how many we can get through, but we're going to try. The first one says, does it ever get easier to get rid of toxic family members? I've had to stop talking to my mother and distance myself and children from her. I've really taken a page out of Lindsay's book and dealing with difficult family, but I definitely feel the heartbreak she is probably feeling right now. I do think I don't know if I have a cousin who really, really really felt some kind of way about finding out that I had

Rio and the twins and to the point that she was like, we don't need to have a relationship. And I said, okay, like I don't, it's not that I don't care, but like you're not involved in my day to day life, let alone my weekly life. So, okay, like, I don't know, it doesn't get easier and it sucks because I do think about it. Like she'll come up on my time. Like we're still friends on Facebook.

We're still on like Venmo and like her name will come up and I don't know that it's easier, but I... I think it gets better, not easier. Yeah, that's the way to put it. And I think the longer that you distance yourself, the easier that situation becomes because you're not having those interactions. And that's why I say cold turkey all day,

because if you're having a small amount of interactions, I feel like it is a breeding ground for false hope, right? It's like, okay, well, what this could be. And you have to just realize, okay, it's not what it is. Like, this is what it is. You have to see it for face value. And you have to decide, okay, am I okay with cutting this off cold turkey and having no communication? And that has been the easiest thing for me just

the disassociation. Right? Yeah, like there is no will. I don't have any ill will or, you know, any bad thoughts. What's happened has happened. And it's water under the bridge. At this point, we don't exist in each other's lives. We exist in the same world and we coexist in similar world, right? But we don't have communication and that makes it easier for me.

That doesn't mean that it's going to be easier for everyone. Also, that's not to say that it will never hurt, right? Like I cut my mom off seven years ago in terms of like, I never saw her, like I haven't saw her. I think I cut her off before that, but in terms of like I never saw her like I haven't saw her I think I cut her off before that but I'm saying like I have not physically seen my mom in seven and a half years Right, like I read a book just for the summer if anyone's interested And that brought up so many emotions about my mom and it hurt again, right? Like while I was reading it

I'm sobbing just full-on crying. Mm-hmm. It doesn't mean that when you cut these people off, you're never going to think about them again. It doesn't mean that when you cut them off, you're never going to, you know, wonder how they're doing. That's not the case. Like I think that that they're not, what is the word synonymous? They're not synonymous. They're not one in the same. Just because you cut them off, it doesn't mean that it hurts any less.

I think it just changes the dynamic and it for them. If, if it, if it helps your mental health in a majority, right? Like most of the time and you make the right decision, but that doesn't mean it's never going to hurt again. I think that I also go through waves, right? And I think that you've gone through that with your mom too. And the disassociating and the cold turkeying certain times of your life brings up different phases of emotion, right?

1000%. And I'm sure whenever you were giving birth to kids, I'm sure you probably had some thought of, I wish my mom could be here or be a part of this, not just for me, but for my kids. And I still do. I still have those feelings. Like my mom has not met some of her grandkids. That kills me. My cousin that decided that she shouldn't,

she didn't wanna have a relationship with me anymore, that sucks. Our kids are the same age, that sucks. I only would see her once or twice a year, but that sucks. But at the end of the day, it's like, okay, you're not in my life on a regular basis anyway, so this will go through, I'll go through the waves.

That's just what it is. And I always think of you with your mom when I think about having another child, right? Jackson has had interactions with my parents and he knows who they are and knows the situation of what's going on and where they are if I had another child that child would never Have any knowledge of my parents? You know and I'm sure you probably struggle with that too because Lincoln and Isaac have met you know No, Lincoln. No Lincoln hasn't he only met my mom when before he was one. Okay, but No, Lincoln hasn't he only met my mom when before he was one. Okay, but Isaac does and he still talks about her like remember that one time that we I went in the sprinklers and I wasn't even there Like my mom had him and we baked cookies and we watched Elsa and I'm like, I have no idea what you're talking about

But it's crazy that he remembers that and Lincoln could not even tell you my mom's name But doesn't that break your heart to know that? The experience that Isaac had with her regardless of the situation with you and her Was a positive experience right and he only knows the good right exactly and all of your other kids Don't have that experience or knowledge of you basically having a mom I I don't want to like go too far into D. Hill but that's why the ancestry.com and 23andMe is so important because like

when my kids go to look at who they are, at least on my side, I want them to have as many answers as possible. Thankfully, one of my cousins like from back home reached out to me yesterday and she's like, I just did it like I want to add you to my tree and I'm like perfect because like I want my kids to be able to like log into that stuff and like see who they were because I'll never I don't want to create wounds that don't exist for them. And Lincoln doesn't remember my mom. It's not a wound for him. Lux never met her, Creed never met her, Rio and the twins

will never meet her. So like, I don't want to create that for them, but I want them to have answers if they go looking. But does it bother you in the same way that it bothers me to know you're done having kids, but knowing that you have what six kids that have nothing to do with your mom and probably maybe never will. It bothers me to know if I go out here and have another child that my parents will like never hold that child. I literally just cried up to Elijah about that because I don't really have, I mean, I say me, but Elijah, I mean, Elijah is close with his family, but we don't go to family

fun. It's not like we're super heavily immersed in all of the things. But I was upset because I was like, imagine, I was trying to describe to him what it's like to not have, and I moved to a state that none of my family lives in Delaware. Not a single person lives in Delaware. So I was trying to describe to him what it's like to always, just don't want to cry. It's okay if you do. You know, my therapist told me about crying that you needed to release it. I don't want to release it. Just like describing to him what it's like to not have people in your corner. And I think you're the same way.

You don't have your, your family is not in Atlanta. You're there by yourself. Your family has been, I don't want to do, I'm not saying destroyed, but you've had your own family, what is it called? Dysfunction. Yeah, dysfunction. So you get it, right? So when it comes to your divorce or Will and Jackson and stuff, you understand that these are not milestones and goals and life things that you can share with your family that knows you better than anyone else. So that's hard for the kids when there's kids involved,

because we're like, how? We'll never have that for them. They'll never have that, right? Like, so I get it. Like your, your family will never hold another baby if you have one. My family will never, you know what I mean? It's a lonely, a lonely place to sit in. Even if we're healthy, I feel like both of us are at a really good place in our lives. We're like, we're the happiest, we're healthy, we're thriving. It's still fucking sad and lonely. And that's the craziest part. It's like, we're constantly living in a state

of happiness and loneliness at the same time. Well, and it's so interesting that this even got brought up because you don't have really relationships with family members. And I don't either. And I would say that my family, based off of everything that happened happened was destroyed along the way. And that is so hurtful. And it does hurt. And I think that people look at mine

and wills relationship as it's weird. But he is my family. And you created Jackson, because of him. So that is and I understand, I feel like I do understand that. I think that's all probably also why I was so attached to hobby for as long as I was in the toxicity and in everything because I was, I don't want to go down this like, oh, you know, we were married and divorced, like, people are sick of us talking about it. But I feel like that is such a commonality between the two of

us that only we understand like we are living in these states with it. But I feel like that is such a commonality between the two of us that only we understand like we are living in these states with these people that we married. We had a child with these people that we married, not just a relationship not saying that it's different, but it kind of it can be. And we moved to these places that we have nobody else we have no relationship with our families. And then people wonder why we're stuck on it for so long. You know, like, that's all we like

I'm stuck on it because it inevitably changed my life forever. 100%. Right? 100%. And completely unrelated news to this. We have one more and then we're going to do foul play. I have to know your thoughts on this. Okay. What are your thoughts on charging for play dates? If children come to your home for a play date, should their parents be sending money for snacks, drinks, et cetera? I have seven kids. Say Elijah's aunt, who I love, say they were going over there. I would send money with them. Yes, because I don't know what their plans are. Are they going to go get ice cream? Are they going to get lunch? I don't know what their plans are and I have a lot of fucking kids. So yes, I would send money with Aunt Lisa to a play date. If I'm sending one child, well, like I'll send Lincoln,

Lincoln went to it with his friends to like the one of the siblings football games and like did all that. And I sent them with 20 bucks to get food at the football field. Yeah, I'm going to send money. But if I'm, if they're going to their house and there's no plans to buy things, probably not. I think that's where the communication comes into play, right? The parents communicating what is going to be taking place at this playdate because there have been times where Jackson has invited somebody to go to Stars and Strikes or Skyzone or something with us. I don't mind paying for the child because again, I just have one, but when you have seven, that changes the entire game. Right. So I think it also depends on that type of dynamic. I also would never send my child to someone's house knowing

that they were going to jump at sky zone and me not sending enough money to cover that. But if we're talking about like an old fashioned playdate where you're just playing in your playroom or you're playing a video game, I don't think that it's necessary for a parent to send money for the child to like either eat pizza at the person's house or snacks, whatever. It's like you're inviting that into your home. And I think that that's unnecessary. It is truly unnecessary. I'm never going to charge another parent for me ordering pizza when their child's eating two slices of pizza.

Okay, that was my next question. Okay, so if you're ordering pizza and you're having people over, at what point do you send money or whatever? Because, you know, one of my good friends has been- I think if you're being out of the house and doing something outside of what you normally would be doing at home. So like my one friend that has four kids, like say, say we were ordering pizza anyway, and then they come over to go swim and eat pizza, not charging them. Like, that just feels weird.

But like, I'm only using her as an example because I don't really have friends that have only one kid except for like you and V. So I don't really know, I guess my examples kind of suck, but like I have a lot of kids and she has a lot of kids, but it would still feel weird for me to charge her. Like that just doesn't feel, but like also if I send my kids to go somewhere,

I guess I would still send my I guess if it's at their house eating pizza, no, but if they're going to go somewhere with them, yes, does that make sense? Makes total sense. Like, I would never expect first of all, Jackson's never done a sleepover or like a playdate and someone else's house Like normally the play dates are like in Will's driveway because kids that go to school with him live in his neighborhood, right? So they'll come over and play basketball, whatever. And Will bought them root beer the other day from Costco.

And I think they went through like six root beer and this play date, just Jackson and one other kid, right? Will would never be like, you need to go home and you need to get money for the three root beers that you just drank at my house. That's crazy. Right? If you got an invoice after a play date occurred, what do you do for snacks and drinks, etc? If someone sent me a Venmo request, has that happened to you? No, that's never that's never happened to me But if it did, I mean I would pay the Venmo request

But then we would never have a playdate again and that never because that's something that you like you communicate right like if you're like Hey, can so-and-so come over this is the plan This is what we're doing and then I just feel like it is common sense and just like playdate etiquette. You would send your kid with money if you are knowing in advance. But if you don't know and the parent never shares with you that there's an expected expense, like an invoice, I just feel like we won't associate. We just won't. That needs to be communicated at the beginning. Like, hey, it's going to be, can you send your child with $10 or whatever?

Lincoln has this one friend who calls me mom. He's like the sweetest kid. I love him. Yeah. And he, he messaged, he DMed, like responded to one of my stories and he's like, can I come over on Monday? And it's like, yes. And absolutely you can come over anytime and you don't have to bring money.

And like, that's like another child, like another one of my own kids. You know, like it doesn't matter even if we're going somewhere. I would never in a million years ask his parents for funds ever. Just wouldn't. I just wouldn't. Now, if it's a situation where

I'm taking a group of kids somewhere and we're gonna go and it's gonna be like $300 and everyone's parents send them with $10, great. You can use your money on whatever you're gonna use it on on. You're going to use it for snacks. Go right ahead. But I also, I don't, what an interesting, because also how do you bring that conversation up to someone like, Hey, like, do you say, Hey, like in the text, Hey, we're going to go to sky zone if you want to send them with a couple of dollars. Like, do you say that to the parent? I don't know know because see, I'm just not comfortable

having any type of financial conversation. Kristen will voucher me on this. I don't like to talk about money with anyone. So I could never see myself actually sending that text. The text I would send would probably be, hey, Jackson would love to have a playdate with blank, right? I am planning to take them to Skyzone. Is that okay with you?

Can you please go online and fill out the online parent waiver or whatever? If they don't send money, maybe it's because they don't have it to send whatever, or if they don't send it for whatever reason, they just don't want to send it, then I'm not going to make a stink about it and I'm just going to pay for it. I agree with you. I agree with you. And on that note, foul play. Okay. One evening I was old enough to drink but broke enough to still live at home. I came back to my parents with my girlfriend at the time after some heavy drinking. To avoid waking up in the

house, I told her quote, Hey, when you need to pee, just tell me and quote. Well, I had decided I wanted to indulge on a Snickers candy bar the moment she mentioned the bathroom. Here I am walking through our dark house leading her to the bathroom while she's following directly behind me with her hand on my shoulder to brace herself. As we entered the bathroom threshold, I simultaneously turned on the light in one hand while taking a bite of my candy bar with the other. At the same time I hear a gurgling noise behind me the sound of vomiting followed by the warm liquid running down the back of my neck. Yep she barfed all over my back while I was eating my Snickers. Thank you for reliving this horror

with me and now you know why I always turn down those candy bars. This is a very interesting turn of events. I don't know that I, and you know what, maybe other people's parents are different than mine. In fact, I know that they are, but never would there be a time in my life, even as a grown adult, that I would ever feel comfortable enough to bring somebody who I was not married to sleeping in my parents' home. That's number one.

Number two, would I ever feel comfortable enough to be in a drunken state in my parents' home? Like that, to the point of barfing. What is the word? How would you describe me as fluid? Not in a sexual way, but I'm pretty... I don't know what the word is that I'm looking for, but the fact that you just said I would never bring someone that I'm pretty, I don't know what the word is that I'm looking for, but the fact that you just said I would never bring someone that I'm not married to,

to my parents, like to have a sleepover at my parents' house, my kids better never fucking try it. I feel like I'm very understanding and very welcoming and very, a lot of things. She can come hang out or he can come hang out, but don't you ever try to have a fucking sleepover at my house. But did you have sleepovers with boyfriends at your house?

Absolutely not. So your mom didn't allow it? No, I'm scared about looks, right? Like I, if he's, he's already so much like Chris, like I am nervous. You are not sleeping at your house and your girlfriend is not sleeping at our house. Like it's just not occurring. I don't know how old these people were that were a part of this foul play. Old enough to drink but still broke enough to live at home.

Okay, so I'm gonna assume like somewhere between 21 and 25 maybe, okay? Even in college when I started dating Will, do you realize that my parents called Will's parents when we were going on vacation to make sure that we were sleeping in different bedrooms? I remember you saying that I Remember you saying that just to like be sure so like never in my life would I? Have ever even thought about this foul play scenario so good for you guys I also love Snickers candy bars. I think it's if I'm gonna eat a candy bar. It's gonna be a Snickers I do love good Snickers candy bars. I think if I'm going to eat a candy bar, it's going to be a Snickers. I do love good Snickers. It's so good. Next I'll play. I do need to preface this by saying

I do not fart in front of my husband ever. Why? I don't know really besides I don't want him to associate me bad smells jokes on me. We were once walking around Walmart walking through the aisle. I was feeling really gassy. I let a little silent one slip. I didn't smell anything. So I figured if there were more silent ones, then this would be in the clear. Oh, that's a big fucking mistake. Well, I did this pretty much down the whole aisle. When I say it was gassy, I mean it. Small reliefs were enough to get me through the store trip. At the end of the aisle, though, my husband starts looking around and says, it smells like dog shit. Obviously, I just say, I don't smell anything. Then it hit me. I tried so hard to smell what he was smelling and I couldn't.

It was a punch to the gut when I realized losing your sense of smell was a COVID symptom. I immediately tried smelling other things without any luck. I knew I had it. We left the store, got tested. This was in early 2020. He never brought up the smells again and I sure ain't bringing them up. But to this day, I am haunted. I was crop dusting thinking it was good, but I smelled like straight dog shit." When I tell you- I can't. When I tell you, I get COVID really did me dirty on the smelling and tasting

Situation because when I tell you for a straight six months Coke to me still does not taste the same to this day coke doesn't taste the same Does not taste the same. Okay, it was a long time I think even more than six months before I ever got my like sense of taste and smell fully back to normal. I still to this day think that certain things taste like cardboard. They taste like nothing and Coke is one of them. I try to drink it. I went to Cheesecake Factory with Kristin the other day and in total I drank like half of one before it was like watered down and I tried to drink like another half of one.

It just does not taste the same. It doesn't hit the same. And you know, that is probably the one thing that I'm thankful for out of that entire scenario, because I'm not inclined to really drink it that much anymore. Like I'll have an occasional like inkling for one, right? The inkling is from what I remember coke tasting like pre COVID. All right. Yep. But then when I get it, it's the same situation as you it's like a couple of

sips and then I'm done because it just doesn't it doesn't do it for me anymore kind of like exes you know it's like just doesn't do it for me. The thoughts of me having COVID and crop dusting and not being able to smell it and someone else being able to smell it. I'm absolutely fucking mortified. Go ahead and take me out now. Sure. Like, uh, me, I'm like, I mean, I'm not a gassy, like, I just don't fart regularly. Like, that's just like, not a thing for me. But if that was a thing, like, thank God, I can't smell it.

All right. Well, I've got shit to do like clean my fucking house so somebody can come and look at it. So thank you guys for always supporting our show. Please subscribe and review on the Apple podcast app following rate on Spotify or listen wherever you get your podcast. Don't forget to follow us on Instagram and join our Facebook group to connect with us and our community. We hope you guys have a great week and we'll talk to you soon.

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We're here to announce our brand new podcast, Tactful Pettiness. Now on podcast one, we have a lot of opinions. Flip flops in New York City. You don't love yourself. If I'm not seated, I'm not tipping. Do I want to see a picture of your baby? No. If I have to scroll more than 10 seconds, he's not cute.

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