Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - Divorcing with Adult Children & Therapy Session Growth

Episode Date: October 10, 2024

CC376: A tiktok about a father paying their child's mother's rent is most certainly creating interesting discussion. Kail and Lindsie answer some leftover questions that they didn't get to during Kail's tour. Foul Play has us cringing at a geriatric penis! Please erase this from our memories! Check out our Instagram @coffeeconvospodcast for more! Thank you to our sponsor! Better Help: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/coffee today to get 10% off your first monthChomps: Sign up for their email list and get 10% off your first order at Chomps.com/COFFEECONVOS.IQBar: Get 20% off every IQBar product plus free shipping when you text CONVOS to 64-000. By Texting 64000, you agree to receive recurring automated marketing messages from IQBAR. Message and data rates may apply. No purchase required. Terms apply, available at IQBAR.com. Reply "STOP" to stop, "HELP" for helpProgressive: Visit Progressive.com to learn moreStamps: Visit stamps.com use code COFFEE for a 4-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale!Wayfair: Visit Wayfair.com or get the Wayfair mobile app

I hate gift giving and receiving. Receiving gifts is so weird. What do you say thank you? This is Coffee Convo's with Kale Lowry and Lindsey Chrisley. I really want you to be in your feels, Kale. That does not interest me whatsoever. I feel very attacked by you. A spirited discussion about motherhood, friendship, family,

and life in the public eye. I'm just not with the fakery anymore. There's a fakery bakery around here. Here's Kale and Lindsey. Good morning. That's the thumbnail. Good morning. Welcome to Coffee Hombus podcast, Kailin Lowry. How are you doing? I'm feeling a little spicy today. I'm feeling a little a little warmed up a little spicy a little attitude II, you know what I mean?

We love a kill in that mood. Can I tell you, I woke up this morning, took a shower, and immediately my lady days hit. No, no, not lady days. Yeah. And you know what? I act brand new, like at 35 years old, I act like this hasn't been happening the same time every month for the last, what, like 17 years. Isn't that how we always act though? Like we act like every single time is the first time. Yeah, and like I'm not prepared for it. So would you rather start your lady days in the night and go through that cramping phase, like while you're sleeping, but be like caught off guard?

Or would you rather start it in the morning and have to deal with it all day? Oh, well I don't want to lose sleep. So I guess I'll deal with it during the day. I'm going to deal with it in the night because I'm going to take some Advil, Tylenol, Motrin, like whatever I can get my hands on and I'm going right back to sleep. And they're in a cramp that's keeping me up. I mean, the problem is like before my periods used to come like clockwork, like literally I knew same day every single month, like I knew it was coming so I could prepare.

Now seven kids later and I'm 32 years old, I cannot prepare because it's irregular now. So I would say definitely at night if I know it's coming because I can definitely take some might all whatever before I go to sleep. But like now I'm going to have to take during the day because I'll be up all night if I don't. And then during the day, at least I can take it as soon as I wake up and try to get my day back on track. You know what I mean? You know, it just like kind of puts you in a bad mood. Let me show you what else puts me in a bad mood and made me shit myself this morning. Yes. What the fuck is that? Is that a snake?

This is a toy snake. My son, all weekend long, hid this around the house. I acted like I was brand new every time I saw it. When I tell you, what is your biggest fear? Spiders and snakes. Snakes, right? I feel like that's a very common fear. Please tell me why when I got out of my shower this weekend this fucker was cold up like that outside of my shower. I said, Jackson, I swear to God, she's a snake. Like I'm not trying to commit a crime,

but like, do you like living? No, because that one is like very realistic looking and the way that I, poor Lux has been traumatized by snakes. I think him being, Jackson being a prankster and Lux would get along very well, but Lux does not fuck with snakes at all. And like, because of that, I don't fuck with snakes. Like I don't fuck with them because of him. I would have literally defecated on myself. Please tell me when I go to take the dog out this morning, why this guy was coiled up like this on the porch.

No, because here's the thing. The one time that you think that it's the fake snake, it's not going to be the fake snake and it's going to be a real snake because power of the tongue. Jackson is speaking that into existence right now. Oh, I've already found one in my yard. And my dad always used to say where there's a small one, there's a big one. Why do they say that? I don't know. Like, where there's little ones, there's big ones. So where did that little fucker

come from? It ran across Oliver's feet when I took him out to the bathroom. And I was like, Oh, shit, like, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Like, is he gonna move like his wieners in jeopardy? Like, this is really bad. I do a lot of research on snakes because I need to be aware of like what kind of snakes are in my environment. I don't know where this snake came from, or if someone like put it out of their house that I saw. But it doesn't look like one that like

is supposed to live here. Wait, so I googled our snakes and pairs pairs and it says snakes do not travel in groups or pairs. They do not have any social bonds and would feel in no way vengeful if one of their number were to be killed. One possible explanation for this myth is that in a prime habitat situation, multiple snakes of the same species could be encountered in a relatively small area. So your dad's theory that where there's one, there's many is not, or where there's a small

one is a big one is not accurate. Well, like where was it born? When they hatch out of their eggs or whatever is going on, I think that they just like go on about their day. I'll like right off the bat. They just go away. Like fresh out the egg, they're like surviving and thriving or trying. That's very interesting.

I know a lot of humans that are like that too. Yeah. I mean, I came out the womb and immediately was like, let's fuck shit up. You know what I mean? Like, let's go. Also, you know, my concrete situation that's happening in front of my house where I have no way to get to my house. Well, so here's the thing.

Is it a concrete situation or was it ruined? No, the concrete's effectively torn up. There's a mud bath that's going on up there and we have no road. So they're now out there pouring concrete. So I feel like your husband is at my house pouring concrete. Elijah is there pouring concrete right now. Was this because of the hurricane or was this prior to the hurricane? This was because the trucks were so heavy when they built these houses that it tore all the concrete up.

So then they had to come and rip it up and pour new road. Wow. Yeah. So like I am walking to my house. Like my car is not even here. Do you have to pay for that or does somebody else have to pay for that? No, I didn't get a bill. Okay, thank God because I would be pissed. Well, hey, if I get a concrete bill the way I'm going to ride it and the way I've been inconvenienced, absolutely the fuck not.

Concrete is so fucking expensive, like so expensive. Just powder. Is it rocks? I don't know. Like grind it up or something? I don't know what it is, don't ask me. Powder, it looks like paper mache. Not paper mache, of course it's torn up

if it's paper mache. Okay, I need Kristin to play this fucking video and get Lindsay's reaction ambitiously really is this like rage bait is this? this is not rage bait in any way shape or form and I Cannot wait for you to hear it. Is this satire not satire not rage bait Okay. Oh, here we go Well, what I'm saying is why are you paying her rent? Because she lost her job and she's behind on the rent and she stays with and she has my son and I'm going to make sure he's straight.

I'm not going to have my son out on the street. I'm not saying he's going to be on the street. If she knew how to take care of y'all's kid, then he wouldn't be on the street. Yeah, but it takes two people to take care of a kid. I realize that. But this is like cutting into us and I'm really not feeling this. You're not feeling me taking care of my son. No, you're taking care of your son but why don't you bring your son to your house so she could pay her own rent? Because she's the one that has custody of him and she's the one that's been

taking care of him all this time. Now y'all need to find a way to split custody or something because it's cutting into us and I don't like it. When it cut into us more if he was actually staying with me? Exactly. How do you feel about this? I feel like I got chewed up and spit out over this. I don't know if I said it on here or if I said it on the southern team. When you have a child with someone and you're no longer together, I feel like God didn't intend for it to be that way. God intended for this nuclear family situation, right? You move on and you're not together anymore. That child still comes first,

regardless of any situation that you may have. Like I was your wife first and I am the mother of your child. So like that situation has to be first over any other situation. And I feel like whoever you get with has to understand that and a level of understanding of that. It's not like you're trying to be together with each other,

not like you trying to like fucking duck, like it's none of those situations, right? You just come first. The way that I would have flat out laid that bitch out in that video. I did try to pick it apart a little bit. I tried to understand it from her perspective. I guess the only thing that I could come up with in her defense would be if by cutting into them, she meant maybe he doesn't have the funds to do things with her,

maybe, but here's the thing. What if he's paying her rent and her bills in lieu of child support? Because I have seen agreements and actually know somebody firsthand who did not pay child support because he paid the mortgage on the house when they separated. In lieu of child support, he paid the mortgage until it was paid off and now the kids are grown. So for me, and then also him not, and this is kind of like a double edged sword. This is sort of a double edged sword here. He says she's the one that has custody and he's not taking his child. He's like, okay, here's the bills. He's like the provider, but he's not like the nurturer and like taking on his child more than he should. I do think that one was a little bit questionable, but

it's like at the same time he is providing by paying the rent and the bills. So it's like a double edged sword, but. But wouldn't it be more detrimental to that child? Like, let's not even think about the girlfriend or the baby mama, right? Their makeup of that situation is the child lives with the mother. He does not have custody of said child. He is paying for at this point, her place to live.

But really he's paying for his child to have a place to live, right? I feel like this girlfriend needs to leave the situation. Yeah, I mean, at the point that there's a child involved, and you're kind of asking this father to go against what he feels is best for his child, because take her out of it, like you said, the mother out of it, he's doing what he what he feels is best for his child. And, and it seems like her having custody and him paying the rent and the bills is, he's doing what he feels is best for his child. And it seems like her having

custody and him paying the rent and the bills is what they feel is best. And so at that point, the new girlfriend needs to remove herself. If you don't like what's happening, just remove yourself at that point. So couldn't it be said that if the girlfriend wanted more funds, that she could make them and stop worrying about where his funds are going for his kid. If you run it back, the clip actually says, he starts to say she's the mom, the baby mother is in a rough patch. So who's to say that this is going to go on long term? But to me, I've never been in a situation where I'm like, oh, you know, I'm in a rough patch and the

dad is willing to keep the child where the child is for the best interest of the child and help me out with bills. To me, I would feel like that's any co-parent's dream is to have the other co-parent back to the level of, I'm not going to use this against you to take the child away from you. I'm going to simply do whatever needs to be done to keep the child where the child is. Because that, I think, speaks bigger volumes. I feel like this is going to be a very controversial topic. And I feel like lots of people are going to have differing opinions from both of us. But at the end of the day, it's about the child. The child came first. And I don't give a fuck what a girlfriend says. Like never would I go into a situation and have an opinion about

my boyfriend paying his baby mom anything, ever. Because what is the difference between that and I guess child support? When you just said people are going to have a lot to say, I think if it is in the best interest for the child in this situation to stay with mom, dad is being selfless and keeping the child at top of mind. 100% agree. Would love to know what you guys think. Coffee Commos podcast is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.

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Free up more time for more important business with Stamps.com. Sign up at Stamps.com and enter Code Coffee for a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts. That's Stamps.com. Code Coffee. We just got finished with the third show of Barely Fucking Touring, and I had posted for a Q&A and we got through some of them on some of the shows and some of them we didn't get to, so we're going to cover a couple of those here. First one is any advice for an adult child of parents getting divorced? I've talked about this in my personal life so much.

An adult child with parents getting divorced. I used to tell my parents all the time, thank you so much for doing it when I was six. Really? Yes. Because what you, and this is just my personal opinion, like everybody doesn't have to hold the same opinion, right? I feel like it would be so much harder

to watch your parents be together for your entire life. And that's what you grew up like knowing and what you have expected. Then for my situation where I was six years old, Julie came into my life. What I can recall from my childhood is my dad being with her. I don't have memories of my dad being with my mom. And I can't miss what I never knew. Right. Right. However, I would say the gray area there would be divorce around, I don't know, 10 compared to an adult. I would vote to do it when you're an adult at that point, depending on the circumstances, right? Like there's no abuse, there's no verbal abuse attacks, anything like that. Because I do think that living with that for years and years and years

is much worse than obviously getting divorced. But like my divorce with hobby rocked Isaac's world to this day. It has, I have seen the effects of my divorce with hobby to this day. I've seen that on Isaac. Isaac has expressed it to me. I understand, you know, and try to validate his feelings on that. I mean, it truly rocked his world and we got to, we got divorced when Isaac was six or seven. Isn't that so crazy how different kids can just function so differently at the same age because

Kyle and I were like five and six years old. He remembers certain things that I have zero recollection of, right? I remember nothing. Like I have maybe two or three photos of my parents with like me and Kyle or me and my mom and dad, like maybe like three photos, but I can never, I have zero memories of my parents ever being together, living in the same home, nothing. And then Isaac, it's rocked his world and he was the same age. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's a good point. I mean, he, he said to me like two nights ago or three nights ago, something about, I can't believe you were ever with my dad. Like I have no memories of you ever being with my dad, which obviously we split before

he even turned one, but he very much remembers with hobby. And so that's really, he never talks about my relationship with Chris ever. Like he doesn't ever tell me like things that he remembers. And that was a long time. So I also think that the type of relationship that the child has with either the parent, the step-parent, the whatever, I think that also plays a factor, right? Because, you know, for Isaac, I mean, not to throw shade in any way, shape or form, but he looked to Javi as more of a father figure than his own dad. Yes, he knew that his dad was his

dad. And yes, he loves his dad as his dad, but I would go out on a limb and say that he was closer emotionally to Javi. And I think that's probably why he had such a hard time with it. And you also have to consider in your situation, every situation is so unique, right? So in your situation, you got married and had another child

and then you get divorced and Isaac is not his biological child. So you're not sharing any custody with Javi when it comes to Isaac, but you're sharing custody with Javi when it comes to Lincoln. So then that's also another trauma for him to see, okay, well, Lincoln still gets to do all of these things. I had that relationship too. And now I don't get to do those things. Yeah. But I think as an adult, I think, and I don't know this for sure, but I think, so say the kids are adults and then you divorce, I think it can be really traumatizing if you're a couple that never, because I think it's big in the South when, well, maybe it's big everywhere. I don't fucking know. not fighting, disagreeing or

anything in front of the children. I watched a documentary a while back on this and the woman was saying, the woman, the girl, was saying that she was absolutely shook by her parents' divorce because they never ever, ever, ever in her entire life ever fought in front of her. And so she was shook when they, when she became an adult and they got divorced. So the same can be said too for like a child who's used to very tumultuous, volatile relationship. And it's like, well, you should have gotten divorced sooner. So as an adult, you're like, you put me through all this trauma where you could have kind of deaded it right there when we were younger. And so it's just so interesting. And I think too, like the same two kids in the same exact situation could feel completely differently about both. They

could have said, you know, I'm glad one of them could have said, I'm glad my parents got divorced when we were a kid. And then the other one could have said, you know, I wish they would have gotten divorced once we were out of the house. You know? I just think as an adult, let's say, because I think it's very common also for people to have children and make some type of arrangement with each other to be like, okay, well, we're going to raise these kids and when these kids are gone, so are we. Right. And I think that's really unhealthy to do that. And, and Will and I had that conversation. Did I ever tell you that? That we-

I, if you did, I forgot about it. Yeah, so when we started having divorce conversations, I said, there's one of two ways that this is gonna go. We're either going to amicably co-parent and we're gonna figure this shit out, or we're gonna stay together until he's 18 years old and we're gonna live under the same roof. But we aren't divorcing and then fighting the whole time while we're divorced. Like there is actually zero reason to fight because we are no longer romantically, well, we, yeah, shouldn't be romantically involved with each other.

There's really no reason to fight. Like we shouldn't be fighting over a kid. He, he is half of both of us. So ultimately that's a decision that we made because I would rather my child live in two separate happy homes, go through that in his childhood to be able to see that two people are no longer in love with, well, no longer in love. The way that you have to be so careful

with what you're saying is insane. Right? No longer in love with each other, but can still coexist in the same world loving him versus him growing up for 18 years and seeing his parents fight every single day and not a true depiction of love. Because I think that's also detrimental to a child's raising

for them to be in a home where two people don't love each other. Yeah, I would agree. And I, I mean, this is the last thing I'm going to say on this. I have less of an issue with my parents getting divorced with me at six years old than I would have an issue with my dad and Julie getting divorced today. You don't think they're getting divorced. You don't think they're gonna get divorced. You don't think they're gonna get divorced.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm saying in the event that that was like a thing, that would be more detrimental, I feel like, than my biological parents doing it because that's all I have ever known. Right, right. No, that makes sense to me. No, that makes sense.

I'd be really interested to see, like Isaac is so close to Elijah that I would, I don't think Elijah, I don't think that Isaac would handle it very well if we were to get divorced, like separate as, if Isaac was an adult. Divorced. We're both just dropping bombs left and right.

I have a post that I need to read to you. Oh no. I had a very strong reaction to this and at first I thought this was in fact rage bait, which it is not. Oh, okay. This is for real. This came up on Facebook and someone had these feelings. It says, PSA, I'm sorry, but my friends have a two child limit.

It's no shade, but kids are a handful. They are priority and they are a full-time job. So once you start popping them out, you're spreading yourself too thin. Then neglect starts to occur within the friendship, not within the children. You're not having too many children to neglect your children. You're neglecting now your friendships outside of motherhood. I can't call freely. We can't link as flexibly.

We can't go on trips. Child care becomes a bigger issue. We damn sure can't be in the streets turning up for real. The same way you tend to your partner, your kids, your job, you also have to tend to your friendships. So if we're in a place where motherhood is preventing you from doing so, then yes, the friendship is going to change, maybe even end. I have one kid who damn near lives with her dad.

So it's hard for me to relate to that lifestyle. It's literally no love lost. We're just on two different paths, my love. It may sound selfish of me, but in reality it's selfish of you because I went from having a best friend to a person who can't even make it to a birthday dinner. I'm not telling y'all what to do, but there's pulling out abortions, condoms, and birth control anyways, dot dot dot. Okay. Number one, Keisha. No, no, no. Keisha didn't write it. Keisha reposted it. No, no, no. Keisha didn't write it. Keisha reposted it. Chelsea Murdoch wrote this. Okay. Chelsea Murdoch. Chelsea Murdoch is a psychopath. I've diagnosed her. First of

all, you don't have control over somebody else's ovaries. If that's going to end your friendship with somebody, then you were never really friends in the first place because the friendship is conditional on the shit that you want to do. At the point that I read, because all the other shit I was like, Okay, hold on, let me get this shit straight was all like, a lot of feelings at the point that I read. I have one child who damn near lives with her dad. You're everything I needed to know. You cannot handle motherhood at all if your one child basically lives with her father.

That tells me everything that I need to know about who you are as a person. And I do not want to be friends with you, whether you have one kid or five kids or whatever. I don't want to be around you. If your main priority is the friendship over your child. And she said, it's gonna change our lifestyles. Um, that they can no longer turn up. Bitch, why is your kid living with your man? Why is like her her dad, like why are his dad like why? Why aren't you an active participant in that child's life? You need to worry about the trauma that you're inflicting on your child and be less focused on your friendships

also, I Personally think that when you become a parent whether it be a mom or a dad, right? Your friendships do inevitably change because your priorities have now shifted before you have children You can prioritize like let's say you're married, okay, my marriage, my friendships. Once you have a child, that child takes priority. In my situation, my child took priority over my marriage. So I can't get behind any of this. And I feel like when you become a mom, your friends do change. You become friends with people who are also like living in the same life phase that you're living. Most of my friends all have children.

My friends who don't have children, I normally see those friends on the weekends that I don't have Jackson. And the same can be said for this woman. If your child damn near lives, so if your child damn near lives with their father, you can hang out with your friends that don't have their children or whatever on your off time.

But let's also talk about the fact that like you should be friending other mothers and other parents so that you're able to do these said trips with your children. This just speaks volumes about where your head is at. And also to insinuate at the end of this post that there's pulling out abortions, condoms and birth control as if every child was not meant to be here. There are people who actively try to have these babies. So for her to have this mindset that all children are like essentially accidents, like you are, you need to go back to school.

You also need to go get a moral compass. You need to purchase one. You need to go back to school. You also need to go get a moral compass. You need to purchase one. You need to figure that out. Why are we not doing... When I saw Sterling in Dallas, I was like... Because we used to do trips together with our kids, with all of our kids together. I said, when is our next trip? What are we doing? Because I was thinking about taking the kids on a trip together.

We used to do trips together, now we have children. So we would just do the trips with the kids, right? And like, yes, it will be different. And yes, we can't do the same things that we used to, but there is still very much friendship and growth and friendship with children. Cool, if you wanna have one kid, that's fine. But like to put this amount of like stipulations

on other people's like bodies, lives, all of that. And like, I get it, right? Like this is a very kale thing. Like I wouldn't do it. So you should like, but that's not, I respect everybody's choices. If you want to live this lifestyle, we don't need to be friends, but like you are basically saying.

It's so like this honestly is one of the most unhinged things that I think that you've ever brought to this podcast. I kind of want to message her and ask her what the fuck her problem is. And where she came up, like at what point in her life did she decide that there was like a two child limit? Like where did she just like make that up? I would like to know from the baby father, her daughter's father, what his thoughts are about this? Because obviously it sounds like he's doing most of the raising

and the heavy lifting when it comes to childcare and parenthood. So like, what are his thoughts on this? And is he embarrassed that he procreated with this woman because this woman is truly unhinged. I wanna read some of the comments really quickly because I was like, what is going on here? Back to school, back to sports, all the things we know firsthand as parents, we just need easy access to snacks on the go, whether it's for us or for the kids.

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That's chomps.com slash coffee combos. Don't forget to use our link so that they know that we sent you. It's really sad because she's like so pretty, like the girl that like wrote it. Okay, there's she has a ton of time to focus on her looks and partying. 10,000 shares. She says this is what she says in her own comments. You can relate or not. This post is not meant to be funny or to offend anyone. It's just real shit. I mean, the situation can vary.

If you married, got good childcare, joint custody, et cetera, but y'all be stuck with the kids and I'm the most unstuck person I know. Yeah, that's because you're not mothering. So why are you out here commenting on what other people are doing when you can't effectively do your fucking job? So this woman says, as a married mom of four kids, I felt some type of way. on what other people are doing when you can't effectively do your fucking job.

So this woman says, as a married mom of four kids, I felt some type of way. I understand because this is me, I'm not clubbing, I'm not being out all late, I can't carelessly spend my money, etc. I love my babies, but I have sacrificed my freedom as an individual to make sure I'm raising my kids correctly. I got to get outfits for the next day, stay on bedtime routine, keep track of appointments of four humans. I barely see my best friend that lives 30 minutes away. So I do understand what you mean. I think she's like trying to like rationalize. I don't know. But like, to me, they're not the same. This woman has a very like doesn't want to be a mother. These kids hold me back because you're not a good mother.

Like, in my opinion, the girl that wrote this should have never had a child. Right, like at that point sign your rights off because you are not worried about your child. It's like that, and some people may argue with me and come back to this episode and be like, Kayl, all she's saying is like, you can't have more than two kids.

And like, cool, I don't care if you don't have any kids. I don't care if you have 10 kids. I do not care. And I am one of those people that is fully understanding that my friend Sterling has two kids. Her life may be busier than mine. And I have seven kids. Like there were just different,

but does that mean that we can't be friends because our friendship has shifted? No, you have one kid, I have seven. Does that mean that our friendships, it may have shifted, but it's not gonna end because you can't, or I can't meet you at the club. Like that's just, it just feels very childish mentality.

It feels very stunted. But don't you feel like true friendships go through phases of life, right? Like with you. So where you would do trips with a girlfriend, like let you Sterling as an example, like y'all did trips together and then y'all had kids right and now you do trips with you guys together with your kids eventually you

will get back to a place where y'all will be able to take like a girl's trip like relationships evolve as your life evolves but do you think that had she worded this differently because that had she worded this differently, because let's dissect what she's talking about, why there's a two kid minimum. I can't call freely. We can't link flexibly. We can't go on trips. Childcare becomes a bigger issue and we damn sure can't be in the streets turning up. None of these things are revolving around motherhood. There is definitely a fine line because mothers should be able to fill their cups. But now you've added in the fact that you claim that the child lives with their father. So you are not worried. I guess I can't wrap my head around the idea that these friendships can be the same friendships, but just a little bit different with

going on trips, calling your friend when they're at school. Like I just, I can't. But I think that it just speaks to where this woman's head's at, right? It's like you are putting yourself in a position to have all of these opinions about shit you should not have opinions on. Like if you don't want, if, if the friendship isn't providing anything to you at that point, then that's your job to cut it off and say like, this isn't working for me. And you move the fuck on. And you find people who are living the same lifestyle as you that wants to do the same things as you like you don't

have the right to say, Oh, well, my friends can't have more than two kids. And like, I want to be able to do these trips. And I don't want to have to worry about childcare. Well, bitch, you're not worried about childcare, because your ex man is worried about childcare. So that's one baby daddy I would date. Where is he at? Let me go. Let me go.

Actually, I'm in a relationship. It don't matter. You're not dating a baby dad. Okay. So next listener says, what was your first therapy experience like compared to your sessions now? Oh, wow. That's so interesting because my first therapy session,

like ever, was with my ex-husband. We went to one therapy session before we decided to divorce. We were like, oh, we're gonna do therapy. And then we did it and we were like, yep, we're divorcing. Like immediately when we got off the call, we were like, that's it. Like, I don't think that we're doing any more of these.

And then I got into personal therapy after all the shit hit the fan. I think it was like, what, 2019 with my parents stuff. And I feel like I was numb. So your first therapy experiences were with another person. They weren't personal therapy. I think my first therapy appointments, and I'm saying plural because it was like my first go at therapy, I had no idea what it meant to take accountability for anything. It was always somebody else's fault. It was always, this is happening to me. This person did this to me.

This, this, this, this, this. And it was never my fault. fault ever nothing was ever my fault. I wasn't willing to do the work and now i would say i can go into a situation and say like okay this is where i. This is where i fucked up or this is where i fell short or i should have done this differently i could have done this and i didn't. or I should have done this differently, or I could have done this and I didn't. That's with people because I did therapy with Joe. I tried to do therapy with Javi. He actually, I think, came to one, I think it was, or two out of six. Then after that, he didn't. I did try it with Chris. He also stopped showing up after the first or second. With or without people, it was always very, very, it was,

if they were with me, initially, it was always me blaming them, which never taking accountability and then also by myself. I think that people have to realize that therapy is a relationship just like anything else, right? So when you go in, you're strangers, and then you become like intricate parts of, or your therapist becomes an intricate part of your life because they're helping you through like the life phases of things that you're going through. And I would agree, like I also did that in therapy with the accountability thing and my therapist, I don't think at a first session, she would have been as comfortable to

say this, but today she would say, let's talk about your participation. I'm not concerned somebody else isn't my client. Let's talk about your participation in that. It's a hard pill to swallow. I still don't like it. I still don't like to say out loud, or even to myself or to Kristin, for example. Even you, I talked to you on the phone yesterday, it was just like, I don't like to say out loud, out loud where I went wrong, because I feel like if I keep it to myself, it's like not true. But like, when I say it out loud, it sucks. Like nobody wants to feel like what they did put them in the shithole that they're in. Like nobody wants to feel like that.

But you used accountability yesterday. A little bit. I mean, I don't love it. I hate it. Actually, what'd you say? This is where I went wrong. Or like I could have done X, Y, and Z. Like you've said all of those things. So I think the first step is like taking the accountability and voicing it out loud. You being accountable to yourself is one thing. But then when you become comfortable enough to become accountable to others, I feel

like that is a true sign of growth. I think there's still growth to be done too. I think trying not to get myself into situations where it comes to a point that I have to take accountability, it's just like control what I can control. And if I'm not controlling, I feel like to this day, 2024, I still battle with confrontation contrary to popular belief. And so by avoiding confrontation, I get myself into bigger holes. And that right now, I would say both now and roughly a year ago is I'm back in different person, but same scenario. I think that I'm still struggling with that, but trying to take

accountability. I don't love it. I really don't. Something that I think that you very much struggle with is you pin stuff up and then it comes to like an explosion and nobody knows about anything until it gets to that point because you're trying to avoid the confrontation like along the way. And it's just like, okay, now Kale's word vomited because you don't wanna deal with the confrontation. And I think people that listen to this podcast would actually have our roles reversed because I'm willing to do the confrontation upfront

and just like get it done with and be like, okay, water on the bridge, like we've dealt with it. So we're moving on to something else. And that could be like in any relationship in my life, like, I'm just going to call it what it is, wherever the coin lands is where it lands. And then we move forward or we don't, right? You allow things to be a prolonged situation, which makes it, in my opinion, a worse situation in the long run, because you've now invested time in a person person or things or whatever

that you should have never invested in. If you would have just dealt with the confrontation upfront, you wouldn't be dealing with the shit you're dealing on the backend. That's what I'm trying to teach Isaac right now because it's been so hard for me. Like, and even like last year, I knew it's still very fresh. It hasn't been a full year yet. Here I go

doing the same exact thing. But sometimes it's like, I didn't realize how much this was bothering me until this hit the fan. Then it's like, okay, now everything is like that big water bucket collecting at the fucking water park that slowly starts tipping as it gets full. Then all of a sudden it splashes all over the place. It's like, I don't realize how much is really there until it spills out. And so Isaac got himself into something where I'm like, we have to get you, figure out the confidence for you to figure out how to approach this situation. Because I think at the end of the day, he's just like me in that sense where he's not

nipping things in the bud when they happen. And that's a skill and a quality and a personality trait that I have lacked my whole life and I'm trying to learn as a 32 year old adult. And sometimes I've done it to a much smaller scale, but it's like the big stuff that like matters in real life. I'm still struggling with. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Let's talk about therapy since we talked about therapy.

I absolutely love it. Lindsay loves it and has truly changed our lives and our friendships, honestly. So if you guys are thinking about trying therapy, we highly recommend BetterHelp. This is y'all sign to start therapy. I absolutely love it. And if you're thinking of starting therapy, you should give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Take off the mask with BetterHelp. Visit

BetterHelp.com slash coffee today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.com slash coffee. Wayfair is the place to shop for all things home this holiday season from sofas to spatulas and everything you need for the holiday hosting like festive cookware, cozy bedding and holiday decor galore. I absolutely love Wayfair. I've been shopping Wayfair for years and years and years. I also have a business account with them because I did furnish several offices with their stuff. I'm obsessed. So I actually just got finished furnishing my media room completely from Wayfair and

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for everything on your to-do list this season head to wayfair.com Right now to get your home holiday ready. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com Wayfair every style every home You know, my therapist has told me this and my parents used to tell me this growing up Don't avoid conflict because you don't know how to say something. So it's not about what you say It's how you say it and how you're delivering it so you can go about something It's gonna be the same the same Problem, right?

but the way you go about that problem and resolve that problem and deliver that issue to someone else that you have Can look very different based on the way that you deliver it. That's why I say all the time, like, nothing needs to be guns blazing. Like we all are guilty of like guns blazing situations, right? But it's like, why the fuck are we, you know, bringing guns to a knife fight? Like, why are we doing that? Like, it's not, it's not that that serious. Like, I are we doing that? It's not that serious. I can calmly tell you to fuck yourself and exit the room and it's fine. Like literally fuck yourself and we're good. I think we should go to the next question.

This person says, what is one thing you and Kale have done that has surprised each other the most? Nothing Kale does surprises me. Everything Lindsay does surprises me. Like what? Just everything. I don't know. And also, I think this last year, you have been an entirely different person in just so much growth. I don't even know. And so I guess it was unexpected, right? I didn't expect all these changes, but in the last, maybe

two years even, last one or two years, I don't know. I feel like we're closer than we ever have been. Oh, for sure. I think contrary to popular belief, I think because everything was falling apart in my personal life, whether that be with family relationships, my marriage falling apart, I think I was trying to control things that made me feel like I was in control. Right? Yeah. Now I no longer feel the need to do that because what do I need to control those things

for? Oh, that's so interesting. I didn't know because we signed a contract not even knowing each other. I think that I didn't know what to expect. When we went into it, I just thought you were so type A that I didn't know. But I do feel like a little bit of your type A traits or like qualities rubbed off on me a little bit. And I think some of my fly by the seat of my pants has rubbed off on you a little bit, or we just have gotten used to like working with each other too, in addition to the

growth. I also think that I was in a really shitty place with a very toxic relationship, that I was not really the best version of myself either. And so I know it wasn't the same as you going through your divorce, but I think that that surprises me. I think that we can even acknowledge that. I don't think that for a big portion of this podcast, I don't think we were the best versions of ourselves at some point, either of us. No, but I think it's very interesting. I'd posted some photos on my Instagram of the tour. When people were like, wow, that's like the dynamic duo that like everybody wants to see. But I think that collectively, like, in a friendship aspect, we are in such

a great place. That it's just fun. Yeah, we're like we it hasn't always been that way. There have been definitely periods of time where it's like,. Yeah, where like, it hasn't always been that way. There have been definitely periods of time where it's like down gray, like nothing is really great and we're just showing up because we have a job to do, but then there have absolutely been times, I think more so over this last year, just like in such, such a good place.

And like, I think, I hope our listeners can feel it. Like when we're, I wish they didn't feel it as much when we're not in a good place, but I think they can feel it when we are in a good place. I've loved that. I mean, I haven't even said it to Kristin. I don't know what has changed over these last 18 months to two years, but I love it and I want to keep it this way.

And I actually, when I posted on Instagram, I said the next three months of this year is my comeback, the apology to myself. I just feel like you have such a short period of time to live that you don't know like, I don't wanna be morbid, but like you don't know when your last day is. So like you should live your life to the fullest and have fun with it because you can't get the days back.

100%. And if that means fighting with someone right now over something so that you don't have a huge blow up that will end an entire friendship for the rest of your lives, maybe do that and take my advice because you don't want to be like me. You don't want to be like me. Okay, we have a few listener topics. One person says, how do you initiate sex with your husband? I'm shy and scared of being rejected. First of all, ma'am, why? It probably is common that people get rejected in marriage. And now

that I just question that, Will and I both did that to each other. Really? I mean, mainly me. I'm going to take since since we're on this accountability train. I'm just like, no, like, I've already taken a bath and like, I don't want to and I want to go to sleep. Definitely. I have rejected it. But no, like I've already taken a bath and like I don't want to and I want to go to sleep.

Definitely. I have rejected it, but no, I typically don't get rejected. I also just initiate because I will, I will be immediately put into a don't even fucking touch me. If you try to initiate, initiate sex in a very awkward way, like if you're awkward about it, you're weird about it, you're weird about it, and you're not confident with it, immediate rejection. Don't even touch me.

So I need you to, when he's sitting on the couch and he's watching TV after work, you're just gonna get on the, you're gonna walk right up to him and you're gonna straddle him. You're gonna sit on his lap and you're gonna straddle him. That's the baddest, I do that all the time. If he rejects you after you've straddled him on the couch, then you need todle him. That's what I do that all the time. If he rejects you after you've straddled

him on the couch, then you need to divorce him. Because at that point, the rejection is so real and so hard that there's no reason why you need to be with that man. Like the lips are like partly open in that situation and like he needs to be invested. Just straddle him, start kissing his neck and get on with it. Or if he's in bed before you and you get out of the shower, go straddle him. He's not gonna turn down a straddle.

If you're kind of like awkward and like, this is not me being mean by the way, like I'm totally understanding of like not having confidence, but like just do it because I promise you he will be harder that way than if you try to like, just don't be like, just do it because I promise you he will be harder that way. But if you try to like, just don't be like literally go with that's one scenario, I would say go in guns blazing. Just go in guns blazing guns blazing straddle the dick the back like wherever you can get.

I'm an agreement. I feel like you just got to fucking own it. Like own it. He's not going to turn you down. If you are shy and scared of rejection and you're like maybe touching him awkwardly or like you're not sure how to start it, you're going to get rejected. And I'm saying this in the nicest way possible because I want you to fuck shit up. Like I want you to go in, initiate the sex.

He will be turned on because you initiated it. He will be turned on because he doesn't. He's just going to love it., he's just gonna love it. Like he's gonna love it, okay? Well, like men want to be pursued as much as women want to be pursued. And I feel like a lot of people go wrong in that aspect. It's something that I had to learn.

Like I always wanted to be the one pursued, not the pursuer. But I think once you have, you got it in the bag, right? The pursuit has to be mutual. Like a man who has to initiate having sex with you every single time, he's not gonna wanna do it. I just need this hubby to come through for us.

Like I need this husband to come through for her because if she is trying to gain some confidence and it works the first time, the second time, I need them to make it an even playing field too. So we really need him to listen to this episode and be like, okay, yeah, they're onto something. All right. I am a mom on the go. I'm constantly looking for something to hold me over a snack that's healthy, something that's not just filled with carbs

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and I always grab one of these before Pilates. No, it's seriously such a game changer. And right now IQ bar is offering our special podcast listeners 20% off all IQ bar products plus get free shipping to get your 20% off just text combos to 64,000 text combos to 64,000 that's combos to 64,000. Message and data rates may apply. See terms for details. Okay, last one of the listener questions. This person says, any tips on how to teach your kids to be responsible for their items? Losing items at school is slowly sending me over the edge.

Same. Jackson's only ever lost one sweatshirt at school and multiple water bottles. Like the water bottles are the issue and it's like, sir, you asked me to buy you $19 Nike water bottles. Fucking come home with it. Like immediately when he gets in the car, I will and it's easier for me because I only have one, right? Like people who have multiple kids, you're not able to check like all of their bags and shit when they get in the car. I, if I send him to school like in a their bags and shit when they get in the car. I, if I send him to school, like in a sweatshirt or I know Will has sent him to school in a sweatshirt. Nope. Your ass is going back into the school.

If you don't want to be inconvenienced and put your shit in your bag. I actually shockingly enough, and I'm going to knock on wood because I don't have the issue with losing anything outside of the home. It's always fucking toys. It's the toys that they ask for the toys that they want so bad. It's the toys that they anything outside of the home. It's always fucking toys. It's the toys that they ask for, the toys that they want so bad. It's the toys that they play with all the time. They're getting lost or they're getting broken. It's infuriating. And I was not like that. I really took care of my things because I didn't have a lot of things. So I very much took care of them. I would actually love to start a whole post

on this because I need to know also just like in terms of like toys at home. I have a girlfriend who is, she treats everything and like what's really strange is she's very, very wealthy. Okay. So like keep that in mind, like her family is very wealthy. This woman that I've been friends with probably 10 years, her car looks like it's never been driven off the lot. Her home, her designer bags that she has, like everything is in pristine condition and I don't know what made her that way, but like I wish that I was that way and I want to teach my kids to be that way, like take care of your things. But like I have

no tips on this. So I would also love tips. I'm that way. You get in my car, it looks like it was fresh. Right now. Right? My handbags and stuff, like I regularly clean them out. Like I will take them to the dry cleaners if they're able to be dry cleaned, to like the leather shop.

Like I'm big on taking care of my things. And I also would love to know how to teach someone that habit because I feel like it just came so naturally to me that I don't ever remember it just came so naturally to me that I don't ever remember a time that I didn't do that. Like even down to like coloring books, I didn't want my papers been did or like nothing. Right. Jackson, ma'am, if you saw like the shape of his Crocs, the fuck are you doing? No, and like shoes are always a weird like, like they, they're like a double edged sword because there are

times where I'm like, okay, let kids be kids. But also shoes are so expensive that I also, that one's such a weird place. But I agree. The brand new Crocs that I had just given Lux with all the little charms on them and stuff, I'm like, on day two, you wore them to play soccer? You thought that that was a good, and I know I'm like, on day two, you wore them to play soccer? Like you thought that that was a good, and like, I know they're shoes, but like, these are just, they're basically like slippers for outside. Like there's no reason why you should be going outside and playing in the mud with them. Like that's just not a thing. So I would agree. Like I, let's start a thread on this.

Yeah. We should definitely start a thread. Also, how many people have sent their kids to school and they come home with holes in their fucking clothes? Like why were, why were scissors that close to your shirt, sir? Well, so that's another thing too, is like, I always go back and forth about my kids and how they're dressed for school. I want them to look nice and like appropriate, but also when you're coming home with your shoes have been dragged through mud and then also you have holes in your knees from recess or playing outside and you have wood chips in your hair, like whatever the case may be, where is the line?

Like where is, cause I don't, here's the thing, if we're going to just, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to be resourceful. I'm going to shop at Goodwill. I'm going to get the clothes that are like nice, gently worn. And those are the clothes that I know if you have gym, if you're gonna be outside for any reason or whatever, those are the clothes that you're gonna wear

because I'm not spending full price for these outfits. That's what I'm gonna start doing. I'm gonna start shopping at Goodwill because I see a lot of thrifting stuff online and I just need to do it. I think people would assume that I send Jackson to school in like these like outfit sets and like whatever. Absolutely not.

It's like, sir, I'm going in the laundry room and I'm finding a pair of shorts and a t-shirt that matches and you're gonna get a pair of Nike socks and your damn road out crocs that you decided not to take care of because I don't care. Like you were, you were your own problem. I literally said Lux not Lux I said first of all PSA Lux and

Creed dress themselves this morning. So their outfits are absolutely in no way shape or form top tier but you know what they're comfortable they're happy they're happy and they feel confident in it. So if you guys hear my baby dad complain about what they're wearing, they're happy and healthy and thriving. So we'll say that. Yeah. See, we're just going to pick and choose our battles, right? Yeah. Okay. And on that note, we have to all play.

In nursing school, I did my geriatric rotation at an assisted living facility and had a patient who was very overweight. I had to do a physical exam on him in front of my instructor for a grade. And when we were finished, my instructor asked if there was anything we could do for him. He said, well, I've been really wanting someone to clean my penis. I can't see it. And none of the nurses here will do it for me. My instructor said, sure. My student nurse would be happy to, and then bounced. This man was uncircumcised, and let me tell you, the dick cheese was real. I had a lot of experience with dicks, but absolutely no experience cleaning them,

so I just went head first and did my thing. Well, that doesn't sound good, first of all. That does not sound good. At one point, I was having a difficult time cleaning one part of his dick, and he said, hang on, this might be easier if I get hard. So I stood there awkwardly while he proceeded to fondle himself. I didn't know where to look.

So I just start, oh my God, I didn't know where to look. So I started looking awkwardly around the room. And then I realized I forgot to shut his privacy curtain. His roommate was sitting there getting a breathing treatment and was just watching us while heavy breathing. In the end, even though I didn't really know what I was doing, I must have made the dick sparkle because this man was so grateful that he later gave me a kiss on the cheek as well as a homemade blanket as a gift. I have a group of friends who refer to this story as a dick G story, and I hope it makes you laugh while it makes them laugh every time I tell it. Love y'all. Thank you

for being the most relatable podcast for women and moms. I'm horrified. Is that sexual assault to be like, hold on, I need to get this off. That was my question, off the tip of my tongue, I was gonna say, is that like sexual assault? But like also, I'm not familiar with like dick cleaning and I'm also not familiar with like uncircumcised penises,

which I'm not judging in any way. Like I truly don't give a fuck, I genuinely don't care. But that being said, do you have to get hard to clean one that is uncircumcised penises, which I'm not judging in any way. Like I truly don't give a fuck. I genuinely don't care. But that being said, do you have to get hard to clean one that is uncircumcised? Like that's coming with no judgment. I hope y'all can tell in my tone. I don't want to get crucified for judgment. No, I don't think it's judging at all.

I think it's just like an experience with that type of dick, right? Like, do you, yeah, like do they have to, is it favorable for them to be hard to clean? No, I feel like he was just trying to get off. Oh, yikes. Because also, like, you just made yourself hard and then you're not gonna be able to, like, come.

Yeah, anybody who's listening to this, if you could give us some information on that, that would be great for our research purposes. I feel like that's very unsanitary for him to have Dick Cheese live in an assisted living and nobody will help him. Yeah. I don't know how I feel about that. I really don't know. Because assisted living means assisting in living, like in all of the things. So I would guess that when you give them a bath of some sort or a shower, that would be something that should be, even if it's a doctor, because I know as children, as young children, they have to have the doctor check those things.

I feel like to avoid any lawsuits, because this I feel like could be a lawsuit, but I feel like if a medical provider comes in and does it during a routine exam or something like that, maybe that would be less. I feel like if this person is being assisted in taking showers, and whoever's assisting him taking the shower, unfortunately, while you might not wanna do it,

it's part of your job, knock the cheese off and keep the shit moving. Yeah. You know? you looking like you're gonna vomit. Okay, the next person says my husband and I were doing the deed during my time of the month. When this happens, we wait until my lower flow days and I wear a menstrual disc so it's not messy. So this was not a new experience for us. Well, this particular night, we must have been more enthusiastic about it than previous times because when we were done, I got up to pee and remove the disk but when I reached up there, I could barely feel it with the tip of my finger, let alone grab it to remove it. I called him and told him that we were he was going to have to help me since he would be able to get a better angle. I stepped into the shower

because it felt weird to do it at the toilet, put my hands on the wall, stuck my ass out and said good luck. The poor guy was fishing around up there for a good five minutes and kept apologizing thinking that he was hurting me. Sir, you were there when I had your baby so you know that I've had worse than this. Finally, he managed to grab it and pull it out. I hadn't even considered the fact that he just yanked it instead of removing it gradually. So when he pulled it out, the entire contents of the disk splashed all over the shower floor. I'll admit that it was a surprising amount for what I would expect, but nothing out of the ordinary. This was obviously not a big deal for me. You would think that it would not have been a big deal for him either since he worked as a police

officer for 10 years and was in the traffic homicide unit. He literally gathered body parts off the road, reapplied victims faces in order to unlock their phones to get contact information. But no, he was not okay with the blood. He immediately jumped back making gagging sounds and ran out of the bathroom. Nope. I'm not looking at that. I about died laughing and asked if he'd the same thing at work or if he just did all of his work with his eyes closed. We learned a few lessons that evening there is such thing as too deep while wearing

a menstrual disc. He's always willing to lend me a hand literally. And there is at least one bodily fluid that makes him queasy. I have a question. Like this, this doesn't surprise me. Like a man being disgusted by like a female's menstrual blood and like, I get it.

I'm not a blood. I don't like blood. Are you supposed to have sex with a menstrual disc in? I just feel like that's a foreign object. And then the dick becomes a foreign object. That's like too, too many objects. So is a menstrual disc like a diva cup? Or is it like the one that's like, it's like a, like, it looks like a band of some sort. And then it has like the plastic bag to like collect it. So it's essentially like collecting the blood. Okay, cool. Like I'm down with that. Like whatever, whatever floats your boat is fine.

But I don't know that I would have like, would I not? Where's the natural lubricant? Like do you get wet? Or like, how does that like, I'm just more, I'm more curious about that than I am shocked about this husband right now. I'm curious. Do you have sex on your period? Yes. Same. Hold on. Okay.

Sex with menstrual disc. Okay. It says menstrual discs don't take up any real estate in your vaginal canal, making it an ideal option for period sex. Wow. This is so interesting. Like I was laughing about your husband, but also I'm learning more about periods. So wait, where does it go?

Well, because I think it's like the mainly the outside. That's why it's like different than from like an actual diva cup. Like I think that part, and because the bag is like not a thing, I don't like, I'm not entirely sure. So the downside it says unlike menstrual cups, which create a seal that can be uncomfortable or even painful

during intercourse, menstrual discs are placed higher up in the vaginal canal and do not create suction, making them more comfortable to wear during sex. However, menstrual discs can be messier to remove than a menstrual cup. But wouldn't, wouldn't someone have to have a small dick not to hit it? Interesting. Well, unless it's so high up, I don't... But how would you get it that high up? I'm going to need a demonstration of this. Don't you feel like we need... Dick is longer than that. Right?

This is so interesting to me. Why are we 32 and 35 and learning about this for the first time? I wish that we had more accessible information. I just feel like somebody needs to write it and tell us. And also if I had to stand with my hands against a wall in a shower for somebody to get a menstrual discount, the way that I'm never talking to that person again, that's an immediate reason to file for divorce. Um, can't relate. I know Elijah would do it for me. I know he wouldn't gag. He's not a gagger. Mm, really? He's not a gagger.

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