Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - Having Kids Changes Everything
Episode Date: April 7, 2022Super assistant Kristen joins Kail this episode to do some real talk on the pressure and anxiety of having/wanting kids. Does Kristen go through Kail's phone? Will my kids grow up to suck? Kail's advi...ce to coulpes without kids, and Kail's kids make a hilarious appearance! Thanks to our sponsors! Boll & Branch: Visit bollandbranch.com and get 15% off your first set of sheets when you use promo code COFFEECONVOS Kiwico: Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code COFFEE at kiwico.com Green Chef: Visit GreenChef.com/convos130 and use code convos130 to get $130 off plus free shipping Stamps.com: Visit Stamps.com and use promo code COFFEE for a special offer that includes a 4-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale! Native: Go to NativeDeo.com/convos ,or use promo code convos at checkout to get 20% off your first order Stitch Fix: Fill out your free style quiz at StitchFix.com/convos
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I hate gift giving and receiving receiving gifts is so weird. What do you say? Thank you?
This is coffee convos with Kale Lowry and Lindsay Chrisley. I really want you to be in your feels Kale
That does not interest me whatsoever. I feel very attacked by you a spirited discussion about motherhood friendship
Family and life in the public eye. I'm just not with the fakery anymore. There's a fakery bakery around here
Here's Kale and Lindsay
It's coffee convos on a Monday
Kale, you are in rare form today. I'm not happy today. I'm just in a weird mood
What's going on? Just life?
Yeah, that's what we'll go with for now
We'll go with that for now. I'll elaborate in the next few weeks, but
Nothing major and I'm this is not like a depressive
type of situation
It's just like my mood today
Started off real well, and then you know when just things start just you start doing some stuff and like putting clues together
And you're like hold on. This is not the math ain't math in
Yeah, you know what I mean? 2 plus 2 is not equal in 4 at all. So it's just one of those days also
I had to take my dog to the vet. He's not doing well
and
Just I'm sad for him because he's such a good dog and he's like one of my favorite dogs and I don't know
He's gonna be okay. He's gonna be fine. I got to drop him off tomorrow. He's gonna get sedated and have some procedures done
But um, that's it. How are you Kristen? I'm glad you're here
I'm doing good, you know, just happy to be here and we have
Podcasted what we talked more in the last two weeks, and I think we ever have because of podcasting together
Yeah, I mean I would agree. I think we add an extra hour and a half
This will be the second time onto the day because you know
We have those times where we like just text throughout the day
And then we have the times where we're on the phone for the entirety of our work day
And it's like we might as well share an office at that point because
We're just doing it all
Yeah, doing it all so the last time we caught up on a podcast was on barely famous last week and
We've got we just kept talking the episode ended up being over an hour and a half and
That's how you know, we're real friends because we can't shut the fuck up
Literally Cory hates it. He's like, are you guys ever gonna stop talking? No, no, I don't think I don't know what that's possible
No, I call you for every minor inconvenience and you do the same
Okay
So my friend texted me a topic to talk about like weeks and weeks and weeks ago
And I forgot to bring it up on any of my podcasts. I could just slip my mind
So I want to bring it up here with you because I feel like this is something that you and I would absolutely talk about and
I feel like we have talked about it
He said
Do you think people go through their loved ones phones when they die? Oh?
Oh, and I just want to I just want to say before you answer that I
Need you to
Soak my phone. Yeah, we already know you water you die
You need to you need to soak my phone in water
Smash it with a hammer and then light it on fire. There will be no
Way that my phone could be tracked down and traced to go through not that I have anything like my old phones
100% there's dirt on there my phone that I have currently right now
Nothing to hide but that being said you never know which ones which so smash them all burn them all light them on fire
Literally all your old ho phones would be terrifying
Terrifying so funny to me because I people have asked me before like that
I'm not actually friends with just know that I work with you and like have you ever gone through her phone
And it's like I literally don't want to know what's in there like I already know but I don't want to actually know what's in there
No, I'm now negative. I'm good now. There's yeah now. You wouldn't find anything now
If you asked me this a year ago, you would probably be mortified. Oh, yes
1,000 also traumatized. Yeah, I mean I've I've seen things coming off that phone
Did you imagine I'm sure there are people that have assistance that's gone through their stuff like I'm sure of it
I
Just no, I don't want to know
The better no like old kale would that's like I lived to go through phones and computers like I I
Would never like if I didn't know it. I'm not gonna like hack into it
But I if I was in a relationship with someone. Oh, I'm going through everything. I would never do that now because it's happened to me
Now that I now that I know what it feels like I won't do it
Cory and I I don't go through Cory's phone like I just have no need
We've literally been married for over five years
Like I have no need at this point if somebody wants to come in and try and take that man
Go for it, but take all his bullshit with you because good luck
Good fucking luck like
That was like no return policy
No, but literally do not return him if you can't take him do it
Don't bring him. He's yours. Don't there is no refunds. There's no
Exchanges at all. No, um, that's so funny
So yeah, I would be curious to know if anyone if anyone is listening to this and has gone through a phone
Like did you find anything crazy or juicy or absolutely shocking? I just I there has to be yeah
I need all the submissions. I'll be keeping my eyes peeled on the DMs
So you said that you have topics for us, let's hear them. Yeah, so people said in some
the first topic or the first thing that I had asked on the coffee commas page was like what does
everybody want us to talk about and
somebody submitted
I'm scared something that actually blew my mind. Hold on. I'm gonna pull up the exact thing. So I'm not a liar
Okay, well, let me ask this first before I get into that. I'm not a mom. Obviously. You are you've done this several times
Do you have children?
apparently
Do you agree or disagree with the statement that?
Like basically nothing changes for a man who has a baby with a woman, but
But everything changes for a woman when she has a baby. Do you agree or disagree? I agree
I mean, obviously the dad is going to help where he can
But I would say that a majority of men
Their lives don't change and I say a majority because obviously we're gonna get people that comment on this and they're like
Well, my man da da da da da da da da da. No, this doesn't fucking apply to you. I would say a majority
of um of the man
A man of the men a majority of the men's lives don't change
um, yeah, they know that they're gonna come home to kids, but I would say
Most likely they're gonna sleep through the night
Most likely, um, they're still gonna go to work every day
And then they're most likely gonna come home and the wife is most likely or the partner wife, whatever
Is most likely you're gonna still do
the brunt of the work
Um, I would say it's very much few and far between for the the man's lives to change for sure
I mean, I I joke with Lincoln all the time
Uh, hold on. Let me let me bring them in here. Hold on. We're gonna have a Lincoln appearance
We're about to have a Lincoln appearance right now because I'm gonna tell you why in a second
So, you know how I always say that
That looks just co-signing without even knowing what I'm about to say
But I say that I carried you for nine months
And I gave birth to you
Okay
And I breastfed you for a year
And what did your dad do?
I sit there in basketball shorts. Yes, he did. I can attest I was there
And my dad was in there
What did you say looks and my dad wasn't there. No and your dad wasn't there not that time
Um, they just sit there in basketball shorts. Yeah, I mean I witnessed it with you multiple different times
I've seen other friends
Multiple different dads nothing nothing on the dad's ends changed and I've seen it with other friends
And I've heard it from other people
And I just it's so crazy to me when people are like, oh
What like why are women waiting so much longer to have kids these days? Well?
I don't know maybe because we're already too fucking busy doing other things and we can't really add it to our plates because we already know that
It's going to be 99.9 percent our problem and our responsibility
Like I just I don't understand it
I don't get why the burden of like child rearing and like all still comes down to the woman
But the thing that pisses me off the most is like so that's you know, that's the responsibility of the woman via society
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So I don't know if people know this about you or not, but christin is married and she does not have children yet
Um, do you feel like that's played a role in your decision to have kids right now?
Like you work so hard. I mean kory works hard, too
But you also work full time and over time. Um, do you feel like that has contributed to you're not wanting to have kids
1000 percent and like obviously like we want kids right and like it's funny because it's kory and I've had the conversations of
You know like kory wanted kids seven years ago yesterday. Yeah
Yeah, and I was like I was okay and I was open with that in my early 20s because I had like the rose colored glasses on and
Like it all sounded like you just think it's part of that picture
You you you feel like it's that
Part of the the picture of getting married and having a family
I think so many people just think that's part of it and it doesn't necessarily have to be for everybody or on the same timeline
Well, and just like then life takes over like, okay, so we lived in an apartment together
Obviously bills in an apartment or a hell of a lot less than living in a house and just like the cost of living and things like that
Like just it never decreases. It never goes down
So it all sounded like a good idea, right? We have one bedroom apartment. It's cute little situation
Whatever and then you realize as you get older like, okay, no
We have actual bills and we have things we need to say for and we have things that we want to do
That don't necessarily align with having kids but also
So I feel like more and more
Especially because Cory works night shift. Obviously, you know that
Just like knowing that I still work like 17 jobs
Cory sleeps during the day and he goes to work at night and that schedule would not change even if we had a child
So just knowing that and then like knowing I would have no support even at night time
Is terrifying and it's like I am not mentally in a place where
I can add on one more thing and that sounds terrible, right? Like when you think about it sounds terrible people are gonna think I'm so
I don't think it sounds terrible
I don't think that sounds terrible at all and knowing how fucking exhausting it is
Because essentially when your husband is on night shift and you're busting your ass during the day
You're essentially acting as a single parent and I know how fucking exhausting it is
It's not even and I don't want this to come off as like I'm saying
It's not hard because it is hard, but I think in my personal experience
It's more tiring and exhausting than anything than it is hard
and so when you're
On edge because you didn't sleep all night and you didn't have help and you didn't have relief in the night and then
Maybe you don't agree with crying it out and you know, I have to say that, you know, I when I knew better
I did better. I didn't I didn't do cry it out for
Um, Lincoln Luxor Creed. That's not something that we did in my house. So, um
When you put all of these things together, I think that's knowing yourself and knowing your boundaries and knowing your limits
And I think, you know, it's so hard to think about having kids and adding that on obviously you want the reward
You want the family you want all of that but knowing
you know
Well, I'm just like willing to wait. I'm willing to like put in the
I'm willing to put in the time now that it takes to like, you know
Stack up my savings account and
Do the things that we want to do now before we have kids. I don't feel this like pressure that
people for some reason
Like feel I'm talking like the minute Cory and I got married
I think the first time I was asked about kids was two days after Cory and I got married
And they were like, oh, well, you're married now. So you guys gonna start having kids two days two
Freaking days afterwards and I Cory and I got married on my 23rd birthday. I was 23 years old
And I just literally was like first of all, it's none of your business
Like why are you asking that to me? It's like, I don't go around asking about anybody's sex life
But when you're asking, oh, when you guys gonna have babies like, oh, do you want me to like tell you our
Sex schedule sex routine. Like you're just weird. Like just don't ask. It's very very odd. Um
Then I just was so taken aback by it
And you know, Cory and I have gone through some stuff when it comes to like pregnancies and stuff like that
So that's also contributed
um
But like I already feel like I feel that mom role
In my own life and like I work on this in therapy all the time where obviously like I
Because we're best friends and I also work for you
I am way more personally invested
In the working relationship than I think a lot of people are in their regular jobs
So it like sometimes yes, I do feel like your mom
Like it kind of feels that role and sometimes obviously we all everyone who's married you cannot tell me
You don't end up feeling like that person's mom at certain points
Oh a hundred percent a hundred percent
I feel like a mom sometimes in my marriage my I have my mom that I
Have here with me that sometimes like that role reversal happens
When you get to a the older and your parents are older where you kind of are taking care of them a little bit
So it's like fulfilling that mom role and then I have seven dogs
So no literally seven do y'all she does she's not exactly that's not exaggerate. She has seven dogs a cat and a bird
I
Also think that part of you like working for me and being my best friend is that you get a different insight about
Being a working mom
Um one thousand percent not only financially, but just from like a struggle aspect like you've watched me struggle
You've watched me hit my lowest of lows. I mean even just getting on this podcast. I'm drained from
Emotional, you know things that I have on my mind
In my personal life and then my kids wanted to come to the office
and I don't typically bring them to the office when I'm recording but for this day I had to
And um, you know, I'm freaking out because I don't feel like recording today
But you know, I have to work because I have to pay my bills and then you see the financial hit and you know, you
We talked about me having more kids and you said well, if you do, can you please not send them to playcare?
like
Financially, can you please not send them to play care?
Um, and so it's just you see it from that end too like a 100 percent
Yeah, well and I can see why you would say that you feel like my mom sometimes because you're teaching me things
And you're doing things for me that my mom never did and so but that she should have done
Um, and I definitely could see why that you feel like that. Um,
Do you think that I feel like that was like a lot?
Oh, I'm sure I'm sure of it. Did no, no, you're fine. Um, did you have you ever questioned wanting to have kids at all?
um
No, I think that just like seeing like I've all like I not that I feel this need to have kids
I just always thought I would and like I talked to people who
You know one of my friends it's like no, I just always wanted to be a mom and I'm like, I don't know what that's like
I knew I I always thought I would have kids. I never was like, oh my god. I need to have kids
I want to be a mom
I respect the hell out of her because she knew that's what she wanted and she went and she did it
like I'm all for doing what makes you happy, but I'm literally just like I
Like we've had these conversations all the time. I look at it like well
What's the benefit and that sounds fucked up, but I'm like, okay. I I function off of like pro and cons
Well, what are the pros to having kids and you're all you look at me dead in the face and you're like
You don't know what to say
because it's like an
I don't and I might get ripped to shreds for this
but
I
Love my kids the pieces and if you asked me if I wanted to have more kids the answer is probably yes
I would absolutely be open to more kids. However
When I talk to you about it and you ask me
Would I recommend you having kids and the answer would be no
Like for what wait, you know what I mean? Like I started young and I was an only I grew up an only child and I absolutely hated it
so I knew that I was always going to give Isaac siblings and
um, you know, that was just something that I
For me and now that I have three four kids, you know, what's another one for me? But for you, I'm like
Uh, like it's it's hard. It's an indescribable feeling like you you absolutely love being a mom and I thrive in the chaos
and I love my I love doing everything that I do with my kids, but like
Say I didn't have four kids right now. Like picture a kale with no kids. I would
I don't know that I would have gone to college or not. I'm not sure
I know I would be busting my ass and whatever it was and I would be doing whatever the fuck it was and I'd be working my ass off
I wouldn't have kids if I was 30 year old kale right now with no children never been married never been on the show
I would not have children
And I think that's okay. Like looking at, you know, what your life might be without kids
I feel like that's fine and no one I mean, I shouldn't say no one obviously people who don't know you will always really go
Like she doesn't even want to be a mom or whatever and they make those dumbass comments
But it's like no like you love your kids to death and you literally never know what to do with your free time without them
Um, it always ends up linking back to something that has to do with your kids
But when I look at it, I really genuinely think that when you're like, oh, I thrive in the chaos and it's like rewarding and this and that
I think that I get that from
All of the jobs that I work. I think I get that same
reward
For like I fulfill that I don't want to say avoid because it's literally not avoid but like I fulfill that part
with like my career
So I'm not missing that part therefore when I'm thinking about kids and I look at the world
We're living in these days, which is absolutely terrifying terrifying think about bringing a child into
I'm just like what the hell would I do this for like?
What would a logical person do this for and the Cory and I have very differ differing opinions on it like
We'll talk about it and he's like
I just want kids and I'm like, okay, like why why just want them?
Okay, but why like I'm just very like like I just want to know that like what is the why everything?
Yeah, and he's like I don't I can't describe it to you. I just want to be a dad
And I'm like I don't understand
No, I get that because I look at
All of the stages of kids that I've been through with you and I'm like
Okay at this stage this part sucks and at this stage this part sucks and at this one this part sucks
So you just like get a different view of it. And then I think social media
A lot of moms are constantly
I don't want to say dissing motherhood
But talking about how hard it is
And you don't really see like if you go online and you search for
positive things about motherhood
There's really not many out there
There's really not I and I also don't think about I don't think that people talk about it enough
You know, I have four children and just thinking about
And I it's crazy because I did not think about it prior to having children
But now that I have four kids all at different ages. I think about
What if we get to the part where they move out and they're complete fuck ups?
I think about that all the time. I I'm not like I don't I'm not going to go into detail here
I literally buy it. No, this this is something I think about all the fucking time and I'm I'm like
the amount of of people that I have known in my lifetime that are grown ups and I just like
Life is fucking hard and I get it and everyone goes through their shit, but like
What if that's my kid like what if you get what I'm saying?
Like I don't even know how to describe to you the anxiety that I feel
No, I get exactly what you're saying
I'm on the other side of that because I have a sibling who we were raised the exact same way and
We went completely different directions in life and I'm like
constantly questioning
I was raised the exact same way that you were and you went right and I went left and I'm not really sure
how this all occurred
But like that definitely plays in my head where I'm like
Holy shit. What if I what if I fuck my kid up? What if something fucks my kid up?
What if my kid is just fucked up?
And that is like a terrifying thought like terrifying because
Like you said life is hard even when you are have the best circumstances the best family the best everything
And you could like I just think about when my kids are all grown like and I and I think now
It's so fucked up. I know the trolls are gonna drag me for this. So I'm calling myself out before they do
Um
Only now am I thinking about the qualities in my kids fathers that I am afraid
For my kids to have as adults and I'm sure that the fathers have those same same reservations about me like
Fuck did I have kids with the wrong person?
Like is that trait of kales going to follow my kids through their lives?
It are are these these traits from their fathers?
I mean
It's you don't think about it when you're in love and you don't think about it when you're fucking young and you don't
Even you've never had an orgasm in your life, but you're having sex and you don't even know how
You got here
Do you know what i'm saying and then now you have fucking kids at you know
17 years old and 21 years old and you know still haven't figured your life out
But here let's go have another baby with somebody else like you're not thinking about those things
And now that i'm 30 years old and i'm looking at the big fucking picture. I'm like what the fuck did I just do?
Yeah, I mean, yes, like and it the whole thing is just terrifying the whole thing is
From someone it's like one of those things where you know, you and I've joked all the time that like
The day I decide to have kids
I'm literally just gonna have to just do it and deal with it like that's what's gonna end up happening
Like I will be thrilled. I'm sure once it happens
But like I am that person that thinks of like every possible scenario of what could occur
What could go wrong?
What could you know, it's usually what could go wrong?
um
Where kori is just like
I don't want to say a blind idiot, but literally just like oh, you know, it'll work out everything's fine
Yep, and i'm like no no no no no because this this this this this like no, it's a lot
It's it's so much but like people it's so funny because people say shit to me all the time
Like oh my god, you married for five and a half years when you guys can have kids and it's like
I'm only 28 years old, but maybe you don't maybe you wouldn't even want them at all
I just hate that people ask
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It brings me to the point of I had posted
On the coffee combos facebook page about stuff people wanted you and I to talk about since lindsay is spring breaking it up
and um
This person i'm gonna read it and they just to say that I know they didn't come from like a bad place at all, but this actually
Took me completely by surprise
And I was so mind-fucked by it. So they said
Among a couple other topics. They said the struggles christen will end up facing not having had children early
Yeah, she she's with a supportive partner and has her life together
But what struggles she may face having children quote unquote later
potentially having increased chances of having a child with a syndrome or health issues or increased fertility issues or increased pressure on
The body with each pregnancy
A discussion about the differences of life with children
Depending on when you start the family process
So in my head, I was thinking she must think that i'm 40
So like one obviously my Botox is not doing well
And I was like, let me just quit corrector. So I commented back. I said i'm only 28
And she was like, let me correct you really quick. You get you get
Disport that Botox. Yes. Thank you. You get this part. Yeah, thanks. No problem
So she said ha ha ha. I know you're not quote unquote old
I'm only 32. So you're younger than me
But what that starts to look like as you approach your 30s with no children
The struggles you might be looking at in comparison to having kids earlier
Like yet 16, you don't know who you are and you have to struggle with growing up maturing differently friendship changes family relationship changes
Education etc etc
But your body typically handles it easier. You're less likely to have a child
With a disability of some sort versus things that you might be looking at that become harder
When you have a child later on in life
Knowing when would be the right time and the mental change of don't get pregnant. Don't get pregnant suddenly becomes
Okay, now would be okay
and I was so mind-fucked by that because
Nobody has ever like I I still feel like 28 is young. I feel like 28 is young. I feel like that's a new perspective for you
Yes, because I've never been questioned about having kids relating to my age
Ever it's always been. Oh, well, you've been married for x amount of time
So when are you going to start pumping out these damn kids?
So her saying that I literally was like the statistical age of having a first child at this point in the world is 31 years old
31 I'm 28 relax
I will say I will say
You know just having kids
On both sides of it. I've had a child when I was 17 and I also had a child when I was how old
I'm 30. I had you were 28
28 so essentially like a little over 10 years apart
um
You know the last two were harder than my first two
However, not hard enough
For me to not have another one because I'm 30 or 31 or 32, you know
um, also, I think that
That's a little extreme. I think the
her saying, you know, the the
Higher chances of having a child with a syndrome or, you know, something like that. I think
I believe and don't quote me on this. Don't be putting this out in a deposition for people to read
um and quote me, but I think
The doctors say 35 36
increases your chances of having a child, you know with a syndrome or um something along those lines. I
I've seen the same. I've seen the same. I'm sure it's harder
physically on your body, but I think as far as like you're going to run the risk. So say when I was 17 years old
I never partied or anything like that. But when I did when I um
Did have a child at 17 years old. I think the ability to parent in a way that a child needs
You're lacking that you're lacking some of the things that they need from a mature developed
um seasoned
diversified parent
Verses when you have a child at 30 or 31, you're going to get two different types of parenting
And so if your doctor is okay is okay giving you the green light and okaying you to have a child at 31 32 33 years old
and saying, you know
your
Pros outweigh the cons here. I don't see anything wrong with it. I get what she's saying
um
But I just turned 30 and I would have more kids. Fuck it
It was it was so crazy because literally like I the majority of my friends do not like the majority of people
I know my age and older do not have kids yet and they all want kids and
they're all planning for kids and it's just like
I
Was I just was so mind-fucked by it not in like I wasn't offended by any means. I just was like a holy shit
This is the first time
somebody is saying something to me
Like I'm like quote unquote later on in life. I've never been said to me. It's always been pertaining to like
Well, you've been married for this long when you guys can have kids never about my age. So that was crazy
um
And I just don't I just feel like
Don't ask people I guess is like my whole thing don't ask people
I think the thing that I
Because I like I thought that I was gonna have 2.5 kids a house with a white pick offense and a husband at like frickin
25
And then I hit 25 and I'm like life is way harder than that like had the husband
Whatever
But life was just hard as hell
And like it just wasn't it just wasn't something that was realistic had it happened would be a figured it out 1000%
but
I I just am a planner and I like to be more prepared
Well, you've told me several times you're never going to be ready to have a baby like it's just not going to happen
um
But like I
It was just very very it was very interesting. I uh
It definitely was a new perspective for me even when you read it to me. I was
I get what she's saying. I just I'm like, yeah, like I'm not offended at all. I was like, holy hell
um
I think the biggest concern for me that I've seen from like talking to people who had kids young and older is that like
When we buy it like as you get older you get more and more set in your ways
I would say right so then like a baby coming in is disrupting
I would say more disruptive
But like being able to acknowledge it because I've seen I get everyone's everybody's different every baby's different 1000%
But like seeing you go through three different infant stages
And like newborn and all that stuff and seeing I think I'm a lot more
Prepared as far as that goes like I'm not afraid of my ability to keep the kid alive because I've seen you do it for so long
I'm just like other people. I know obviously
Um, but like just knowing knowing what's coming
People are like, you know, you've asked me is this birth control for you knowing what's coming
I'm kind of like, okay. I'd like to be in a place that we're a little more prepared in these ways before
We go ahead and jump into that shift. So I mean even something as simple as
um, you know, if if Cori um for those listening Cori is christens husband
And have the option to move to day shift like even something like that and he was on day shift for a while
um, also
For anyone listening that has kids. I think my biggest advice is if you are able to um travel
because
it's so hard to
travel with kids um, and I do it every single year multiple times a year and
Um, it's not for me. It's for them
I want them to see the world and I want them to be experienced and cultured and diversified but
it's
children
Absolutely 110 percent change the dynamic of love in your relationship and I don't care what anyone says
Yes, it may be stronger and yes, it may be different, but it will not be the same
So if there are things that you really want to experience with your husband
Um, or your partner your wife, whatever
I highly encourage doing those things like I told chris and I said do not have a baby
Obviously she could do whatever the fuck she wants, but I was like you want to go on vacation with your husband
Go on vacation with your husband before you have a baby
There's no rush to have a child if you haven't even gone on like go spend that one-on-one time with your husband
Go do some things with your husband that you thought you never do and then worry about kids afterwards because it'll be
Harder to do when you have kids
Um, especially for people that don't have nannies and especially for people who can't do daycare right away
Um, and also there are so many things that some people won't do after kids. So like
Skydiving for example, that was one thing that
I think if I would have done it before I had kids would have been very different after I went skydiving
I was like, should I really be doing this when I have kids to live for?
What if I'm not one percent that like splatters on the ground like right even going in, you know
Doing my shark dives and things like that. I'm like, should I really be like I have to second guess every fucking thing that I do
Um, and so just for those reasons like go live your life and then live and then you can do it again with kids
You know like because people are like, oh, I'll just do it with kids. Okay. Yeah, that's fine
But it's way easier said than done
And some people really make it work and I like I'm like, oh wow
But like I just think the chances about are super slim and then I see how
Involved you are with your kids sports and I know that's how Cori and I are going to want to be so then it leaves even less time
to go and do things so it's like
I want to live this part of our life now and then we're going to experience that part of our life
And I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all
I don't think there's anything wrong with people saying, you know, fuck it
We're gonna have a baby as soon as we get married or we're not even getting married
We're just having a baby like there's nothing wrong with how anybody wants to live their life
It's just what's for them and like that this is what's for me
So I think um, it's interesting. So
So this past weekend, I had none of my kids and I
Was going to go out on a date
and I
Had to think about the fact that even though I didn't have my kids. I still had to go to all my kids stuff
Um, and then that's another like when I tell you kids change everything
I mean, you could be a date with your boyfriend or your husband or your like whoever
You still go to your kids stuff. You get what I'm saying. And so you still have shit to do
Um, I ended up not going on the date and I ended up going to an airport to pick up my friend
and then it was the wrong airport and so
Um, I actually I this was the first
basketball tournament I didn't make it to
Um, and then the mom guilt set in and I was like, wow, I went to go pick up my friend from the airport
Missed my son's basketball tournament just to be at the wrong airport. Um, and it was just a fucking nightmare
But motherhood affects a mother's entire life. Yeah, I and that's what's crazy to me
And I my biggest thing is like I don't want to resent Corey
And I've heard a some sense of resentment is very very normal
Because everything in your life is changing and nothing in theirs is
Um, well even your body changes your weight. Yeah, everything and I've heard like that's very very normal
But like I don't want to get I don't want to be in a place where the resentment is so bad that it like
Then just causes a whole other slew of problems when you have a newborn
um
I can't I'm like all I ever hear about is mom guilt and I'm obviously don't experience that yet
I can imagine
What that's like, obviously
um
and that just doesn't
Like right now I'm not in a place where I can like take the responsibility of a whole other human on because I have way too many humans
that are
Needing me. No 100% right now. I get it. Trust me. I get it
I know that I've been doing a lot of spring cleaning kale
I know that you just had the neat method at your house to do your spring cleaning for you because with four kids
It is unimaginably hard and you sent me that cute picture with all of your kiwi co kids
And I'm so excited to see you the kids do everything from those crates
Well, it's just like super it's different than any other school project that they're going to do
They're super hands-on. They're they're interactive and like I said to my kids all the time
Like try something new because you will you will literally surprise yourself and how
Interesting something is or how how much you like something
And I love that because this does that for the kids like kiwi co crates definitely
Inspires creativity and I love that so you can cultivate your child's natural creativity and curiosity with new hands-on projects every single month
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And I love that and you can kind of just do your part to encourage your children to be innovative and creative thinkers
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Um, so that was very very interesting to me. Then we got asked also
Um
Let's see. Okay. How can somebody who has more of a freelance schedule stay organized and motivated without the typical 9 to 5
schedule
And how do they prioritize projects and like how do we do it? Literally? No
immediately no
I've heard what I needed to hear
And I am exiting the building. This is one of my I just can't like
in so many ways I
Do wish that I worked a nine to five so that I would have structure and I would have
An exact schedule to build other appointments off of but when I it's so
hard and I I'm
This is I hate talking about this
But I love talking about it because it brings awareness to it
But it also gets me dragged because people like you don't have a real job. I wish I had your job
Yeah, everything always seems like the grass is greener on the other fucking side
but when I tell you that I have to check my next day schedule a hundred times before the next day because I
Am like tomorrow today. Let me read you my schedule for today
And then I'm gonna read you my schedule tomorrow and I want you guys to think about this over and over and over and over and over and over again
Okay
so
Today very light day
um
However, we had some pop-ups that happened so
My four of my kids went to the dentist. They started at 9 30
I they didn't call me to tell me that the dentist had to step out and that creed would not be able to be seen first first appointment today
So he would have to be rescheduled. So I kept all of them from school
To go to the dentist for only three of them to be seen instead of the original four
They got done super early
But I had risk I had rescheduled this recording today because I had four kids going to the dentist
And I didn't want to rush and I didn't want to be late and I didn't want anyone to wait on me
So then
Lindsay ended up not recording christen ended up recording for me
I then have to
Take my dog to the vet because for whatever reason he's limping his eyes are gross
He's got conjunctivitis and some sort of growth on his leg
My dogs ran away today. They ran to the neighbor's yard and it was a field day for them
Um, and then I came here. So it was this was actually a less chaotic day for me. Yeah, this was a light day
Now tomorrow I will take my dog to the vet between 7 30 and 8 a.m. On an empty stomach
I will then go to therapy from 9 30 to 10 30. I have a doctor appointment at 11
Kristen has therapy at 12, which means she's unavailable for all calls and texts and minor inconveniences
Um, Lincoln has an orthodontist appointment after school, which means that I will oh somehow
I don't even know how my kids are getting to school tomorrow because if I have to be at the vet between 7 30 and 8
And my kids have to be to school at 8 15 and then I have a therapy at 9 30
What the fuck um, and then I have to pick my kids up at 3
But then Lincoln has an orthodontic appointment at 4 and I did make a hair appointment at 5
So that I was able to get my hair done before my trip. Like I it's just um, okay
So then Wednesday again light day. I have some recordings. I need to do that's great. Get my kids to school to get them up
You have two interviews. I do have two interviews
So then Thursday brings me to Thursday. I will get up take my kids to school go to therapy
I have to go to Newark, which is about an hour away to meet my builder. I have to record
I have a phone conference with my book publisher at 3 o'clock when I also pick my kids up
And then I'll go home and do dinner. Oh, I forgot tomorrow. We have baseball
So it looks like who's going to get lucks to baseball while I have my hair appointment. So
um, you know, it just
You can't stay organized
There is no organization with nine with when you don't work a nine to five when you are an entrepreneur
But then the flip side of it is when you work a nine to five or any type of um, like structured corporate job or a job
8 to 4 whatever it may be 6 to 6
Then you might not have the flexibility to take appointments whenever you need to the dentist the obgyn
um
The eye doctor your your kids your hair whatever you don't have that flexibility, but you have structure. So there's
There's pros and cons. Yeah, and and so when people say, oh, you don't have a job. Oh, you don't work a nine to five
Oh this oh that it's like
There's literally pros and cons to everything
But I would be lying to you guys if I said that I did not lose my mind on a regular fucking basis because I never know
What's gonna pop up show up
Whatever
one then the flip side of that is
you have me
Who thrives in structure and tries very hard to maintain
Structure and plan out, you know my stuff and then you'll come in and you'll be like actually this is what has to get done
So actually this is a priority
So like kale's priorities and what actually have to be priorities are very different things about
79.5 percent of the time
I'm very very different like I'll be like, okay. Well, I heard from these people
That I have to do this this and this and kale's like, well, I'm telling you
I need this instead
so on it's
It's definitely difficult, but I feel like
Really identifying what the priorities actually are
Trying to leave room for like
fuck ups, I guess like anything that's gonna come in and
mess up your whole day and
You know, just do do the best you can is if everything's getting done, then you're doing fine
Like that's the best thing I could say. Yeah, although a lot of times
I should have done something three days ago. I was supposed to get some papers notarized
Marcus called me today. It's like, hey, did you ever get those papers notarized? I said, I sure did
I said, I'll see you after 4 30
Ask me if I got those fucking papers notarized. Ask me what I'm about to do when I get off of here
I'm gonna close the fucking laptop and I'm gonna rush my ass to the notary
And I'm gonna meet up with him to give him these fucking documents like
Don't and then it's like I can sometimes I'll
Do be really good with a planner and I'm putting everything in my planner putting everything in my phone
And then other times I'm like, oh fuck like I
Was doing something while I said I was gonna do that and put it in my planner and never did
It's so there's there's pros and cons to all of it
And so I just think everyone needs to give you and you're like, oh
My recording got moved and I'm like, yeah, it's been in there for like a week and you're like, mm. Okay
That literally happened that literally happened last week
And I was in the drive-thru like 20 minutes from the office and I'm just like
Lindsay's gonna cut my head off with a butter knife. So I'm done. Oh, I Lindsay on the other hand has
very structure
very
structured
Scheduling like very very structured. Like I don't think that Lindsay even allows
For a pop-up to occur
I like I wish that I was like that because I think it would make my life a lot easier
And Kristen has done her fucking hardest to make my Tuesdays and Thursdays available for all appointments
But the thing with that is like say
um
So I have a doctor appointment tomorrow at 11
They didn't really give me any options that would thankfully it was on a Tuesday
But there was not any other options that they gave me were not on a Tuesday or Thursday
Do you get what I'm saying? And so it sounds good in theory
But if I need something to be seen like I have to get a new prescription like I
Glasses not like I'm not on drugs
It sounds good in theory, but I can't wait two weeks to get it on a Tuesday or Thursday
I need to go when I need to go
um
And same thing for my kids
I have to schedule a lot of my kids appointments on my time because it doesn't make sense for me to schedule
All the kids on different days and let their dads take them or try to figure out who has them
It's easier for me because I know I'm gonna have to take lux and creed anyway
For me to schedule Lincoln and Isaac on my my weeks as well
So I have to make like it's just chaos at all times
I think too like part of it is that like okay, and I she'll she'll tell me if I get this wrong
Lindsay will like she schedules her shit out far in advance
So she gets her shit when she wants it and gets it on the schedule
Whereas you call and you're like I want the next available appointment
And I don't care if it's fitting in my schedule. Something else is moving because I need this move things for
Right, and that's where lindy is like absolutely not. I'm scheduling this shit out like for the rest of the year like january
She's like I am scheduling every single one of these appointments that are recurring appointments that I need to do
Are getting scheduled in january for the whole year
So I think that that's like I envy
That situation no when I was scheduling the
So when creed couldn't get seen this morning
I had to reschedule him
The only two appointments that they had were on a tuesday or a thursday when I have therapy
So I was like fuck it my kids dentist appointment comes before therapy
So I will tell my therapist I need to move therapy even though those are my standing appointments from on tuesdays and thursdays at 9 30
Now I will say that my therapist is super flexible with me, and I know that I'm going to get two sessions in a week
However, that means that whatever I move that thursday therapy appointment to
It's going to take the spot of something else another recording another this another that
But again, it has to be on my week that I take it just I can't I can't I cannot
Yeah, it's uh
I you know love that for us do I just I'm out here voting for doing the best
Doing the best you can with what you got
And let's like not judge other people because you just don't know what they're struggling with at home
And you don't know
You know what it took for them to get that job or to be where they are if they're just trying to make ends meet like
Stop stop judging the graph and also the grass is not always greener on the other side. So one thousand percent would agree
Thanks, ma'am
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Okay, so we've got some foul play
Follow-ups from the last couple weeks of foul plays. Oh, I can't wait
They've written in to you know give some more info. So
Do you want the mistaken fruit stack follow-up or do you want the truck shitting on the side of the road follow-up?
The truck shitting on the side of the road follow-up. Thank you. Okay. We'll do that one first then
So this listener said hi ladies. I cannot believe my foul play story was chosen for the podcast last week
I literally screamed in my car as I was listening to answer her a few questions
Yes, my boyfriend was very well aware of my sensitive stomach at that time
Okay, we had been together for just over two years at that point. No, we are not married
But we are still together going on almost five years
We have a beautiful two-year-old son and are about to start the process of planning
Slash building our future home on our 12 acres that we purchased last summer. Oh, I love that. Ooh 12 acres. That's so good
Isn't that so cute? I'm just like first of all
Kayle needs to take some tips from you because she doesn't tell anybody about her sensitive stomach. Oh my god. I can't tell you a shit story really quick
Let me tell you a shit story. Okay, so I
people who listen to this podcast I apologize in advance for anyone who knows me like in real life because this is tmi
Um, I like won't shit for days on end and then I when I poop my stomach hurts
It's not diarrhea, but like my stomach hurts and I need to go right the fuck now. There is no holding it
I cannot hold it for two minutes. I will not clench my asshole. I will just go poop
so
um
bone and
Oh my god
I'm putting my dick on the table with this one. Um
Hot neighbor was over helping me set something up for my guests that were coming in from out of town
And I was like here. Can you go upstairs and do this for me really quick because like I don't know
Just like do this for me really quick
And then my stomach was killing me and I was like, oh my god, I have to go to the bathroom
But like if I'm downstairs
It's only the outdoor bathroom, which was locked and I couldn't find the key
And then my bathroom, which I don't want him coming in there and like I don't think he would but like also don't come
Looking for me and then my regular powder room. So I was like fuck
I have to go in one of the kids bathrooms
And lock their bedroom door and then also lock the bathroom doors
And I don't want him to come looking for me because he was I asked him to please do something in Lincoln's room to do
Like get some shit together for me
So I text bone. I said bone. I need you to call hot neighbor downstairs. He cannot be up here
I don't want him up here. I have to go to the bathroom
I I wanted to die
Wait, so she
I don't know if he just like went downstairs on his own or what
but
It was quick like I'm a fast pooper like super fast speed poop, whatever come back come downstairs and she will she text me
She's like he's outside and I was like, oh, thank god
Come down and I just like acted like everything was fine
Why did this man say something to me?
He was like bone. You had to poop so
And I was like
I want to die. So I said something to bone. I was like, did you fucking tell him you told him I had to poop
Like why would you do that?
and she said
That he wouldn't go do something he wouldn't go do something. So she was like she told him you have to you have to
Yes, because she was he's she she and he knew my fear of like pooping around people. So like
Oh my gosh, thank you so much and it's on shit brown paper. Thank you so much. I love it. Um
So I was like, did you tell him because he said it to me and she was like, well, he wouldn't he wouldn't get out
She's like, I couldn't distract him. So she was like, you know, kill has to go poop. So you have to go
His house is on fire like what?
You're fucking sinker leaking out the driveway might have to like gently light something on fire at the house to make it believable
Oh my god, we should have said the dogs ran away or something and he could have chased them something
Oh my god, I was so embarrassed
And I literally when he started to bring it up to me and immediately when I knew that he knew that I had to poop
I literally stop stop talking. I don't want to hear you say that you knew that I had to go
Like immediately
Thank you. Oh my god, those words to me. I don't okay
Well that now we have the mistaken fruit snack follow-up from last week. Okay. I'm scared of this one
She said heard you read the story. We buy welches fruit snacks from Costco
And it literally looked like one of the grape ones and it was the same size and the same consistency
I said that so that's how the mistake and turd was smushed around in her hand
Um poor that poor lady. I don't I don't see and like again, this is coming from children
So I'm over here like you want me to have to roll around shit in my hands like I'm confused
But it's fine. Okay
Anyway, now we have the foul play for this week and I don't think you're I don't think you're ready
Okay, okay. I have to like pull the screen down so I can see your face at the same time as I read this
Okay, I thought you'd all enjoy my shitty foul play of the morning
I work night shift
So I'm always ready for bed and I don't have to worry about our dog needing to go out since my husband takes him out
Every morning before he leaves for work. This is like my life right now
I lay down and quickly fall asleep not long later. I wake up because I keep smelling shit
I didn't fart. I love how she clarifies. I didn't fart nor has anyone recently used the attached batter
I flip the covers off me and a solid turd goes flying
I'm heated at this point. I clean up the shit and I start gathering the blankets to throw in the washer
Multiple shit turds are smashed in the blanket and one to the bed post. No, which no, I don't know how it got smashed
through the bed post, but damn
I'm mortified
I throw the blankets in the washer and I go to grab another blanket from the couch to take it to bed
but
I wasn't able to salvage any of the five blankets from my couch
Because there are mounds of vomit on the blankets on the couch and running down the wall behind the couch
I think it would be easier to burn the whole couch and bed at this point. Who?
Who? So her poor dog. It has to be the dog. Who did this? I'm assuming it's the dog. That actually wasn't specified
It has to be the dog. Was it the husband? Oh my god
the dog
I could have been not
Did he get sick in the night? Did he get sick in the night?
Listen
Foul play submitter we need your follow-up because that's awful. Is this your dog your husband both? We need details
I just can't one time when I was a kid
Um, we had this cat named sergeant pepper rest in peace sergeant pepper. Um, this big fat gray cat that my mom got
When I was like one or two and I had him until I was like, I don't know fucking 13
anyways recipes, but he um
He threw up in my bed in the middle of the night and I didn't know
Because I was asleep. I was a child. I was probably like eight or nine years old and I will never forget waking up
And realizing that I had rolled around in cat vomit all night
And I could not
Get past like the cat vomited in my bed like on me and I didn't know I was sleeping. So, um
when my dogs move on in
Over the rainbow bridge in this lifetime
I will not be getting any more animals. That's a lie. We already know it's a lie
I don't need Jerry Springer to tell me it. It's a lie
Is it that's mori. No, I think it's Jerry Springer
Isn't it Jerry Springer the the lie detector test determined that was a lie. Yeah, who is that?
That's mori. Okay. Well, it's still a lie. Get your shit started your starters, right?
It's a fucking lie because you have told me this shit and you keep getting animals and you're gonna end up with goats
And I already know it. I can't stop. That's number one. No, I'm not getting the fucking number two
You know what? I will tell you
The barn cat is actually a lot more work than I than I thought
Um, because the barn cats are more
My barn cat specifically is not um pet is not friendly for humans. Um, he is meant to be outside
That's how I got him from the SPCA. Actually, there's no adoption fee for
Um barn cats, but they get like microchipped and they get all their vaccines and stuff or whatever before they get sent. Um
Um, he is far more work than I think a house cat is because
The way that we were told to transition him to like our barn or whatever
He's just like dirty like he would like go in the litter box and then climb on top of stuff and then climb on top of his food
And water stuff and then that's like
Dirty litter and stuff. I mean I took everything out of his little
Area and like sprayed it down today cleaned it all up put it back put it back together
Opened his crate so that he's able to go into like his little
um, Natalie's mom made this like
Area for him with like hay in it. Like it's like a big it's like a cool like hay thing
Um, kind of like a cat tower, but it has like hay in it. I don't know. It's super cool. Um, and I loved it
but there are a lot more work than I anticipated so I
Um, I just don't I I'm tapped out with animals at this point. I mean
I get that I get that I
I
Back to the foul play thing like you have dogs. So you might understand this like
I will wake up
because I hear my dog about to throw up like I know the sound and nothing gets me up quicker than when
That like any of my dogs are about to barf. I will hear them from across the house. I will hear them in my dead sleep like
I don't care. I'm not laying in bed with throw up and you're not puking on my bed
Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm my all my dogs. Um, I got dragged for this, but um
My dogs are crated at night and when I'm not at home. Um, that's just what we do and they're happy and healthy and it doesn't matter, but
um
I also like this morning they got my dogs got up earlier than expected
Um, normally they don't like they probably an hour early
Which is a big deal in our house because the dogs just typically they just have their schedule
But they woke up early. I immediately knew something they needed to go outside
like I didn't even need to like, you know what I mean like you just know with animals and um
Yeah, I also
Probably I'm lying when I say I'll never have my animals. Yeah, you definitely are
You definitely are it's kind of like the same thing with like kids like when you say, I'm not gonna have any more
I'm like, yeah, you are. Mm-hmm. Well the kid thing
I mean
Don't I mean I hope the world
Why haven't comedians like made me a bit on stand-up like I'm kind of disappointed. I don't know if you want that
like
I mean the trolls do it. It can't be worse than that. Yeah, but they're not they don't do anything. That's funny. It's like
Tired jokes. That's what I'm saying. Like why can't comedians say something funny? We can like try they're just yeah, um, well
You're getting ready for your trip this week. So that'll be fun. Mm-hmm
You're not going to be on next week's episode. Lindsay is going to be on because you'll be in the middle of the air
for two days
okay, and
also, um
I'm gonna link if you guys follow my personal instagram at kaolowry. I'll link a bunch of stuff that I got on amazon for my trip
Um, mainly just like like travel and beach stuff. Not it's not specific to where I'm going
Um, because obviously it's the spring time. I know people travel in the spring in the summer
so I'll link some stuff that I got for my trip and
I hope y'all have a great spring break if you haven't had it already or you had an amazing spring break if you did
um, and it's tourist season and um
I'm not really about that. Yeah, so you'll be on next week, but you'll be back
You're gonna check in you're gonna do a little check in on your trip, right for us for the week after that
Since you'll still be there. Yes
Yes, I will so I'm gonna bring my laptop. Is that what you're saying? Um,
No, you're gonna bring your well. Yes, but you're gonna bring your phone for sure and get the app
To just do a little check in
For everyone. Let us know what's up with the travels. I will definitely do that what you've been doing and
All that good stuff. Kayle's also gonna give me her links
She doesn't know it, but she's gonna give me her links to put on the coffee combos instagram so that everybody can
Oh, okay. I can definitely do that. People that are gonna ask me
for the links can get them
um
I'm gonna be checking what
Lux just came in to announce that he has to go poop. Do you want to tell everybody? Oh, okay great. Oh, okay
Perfect. I'm gonna go poop
Thank you. That's how your foul play story. Yeah, I feel like that one occurs in your house a lot
Lincoln, do you have anything to say to the people before we hang up?
Say you have to go pee
He doesn't no, he doesn't have to go pee
Do you what is it like to have such a chaotic life at my house?
Lux said a mother has kids
Come here
It's it's what normal. It's normal for what? Having chaotic kids. Did y'all just hear lux's fart?
Oh
Oh my god, I have to get off of here
Oh
Oh, yeah, he's laughing
I'm getting off
Okay, well on that note kale you need to go take care of your child
Um, I think you're gonna have a foul play for us when you get home
At this point and um, I hope you have a great trip
Okay, bye. Bye. I love y'all. See you