Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 539: Dress for the Job You Want
Episode Date: August 31, 2020Stories from the Week...
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This is Cognitive Dissonance.
Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way.
We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad.
It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome at it.
This is episode 539 of Cognitive Dissonance.
And you know what the biggest story this week is, Cecil?
What's that, Tom?
It's the hurricane that's not even front page news anymore
because everything is so crazy.
Here's how fucking crazy shit is in 2020.
There was a hurricane which hit on Wednesday.
Then on Thursday, a bigger hurricane hit the same place.
It called its big brother.
Right.
Oh, man.
Hold on a minute.
So a category four hurricane, massive, monstrous hurricane with, according to the National
Weather Service, unsurvivable storm surge is how they described it.
That is how they described it.
I remember seeing that and thinking like, that is peak 2020.
Right.
That is how they described it.
I remember seeing that and thinking like,
that is peak 2020.
In the same description,
I don't remember who it was,
but somebody else said that parts of one of the areas affected
would be essentially annexed
to the Gulf of Mexico
for several days.
This is happening.
They come in with a signed deed.
They're like, no, this is mine.
Gulf of Mexico is like, this is mine. Gulf of Mexico is like,
this is mine.
It's like Airbnb.
They're Arab.
Gulf of Mexico is Airbnb and being it for a few days.
Just like,
okay,
this is mine for a while.
I know I can't stay on the coast for a couple of days.
That's all just the coast.
And like,
when I look at the news every morning,
I wake up and I look at the news and like,
seriously,
like on flipboard,
I'm like four flips in before i get to
the category four hurricane devastating the coast because 2020 is such a shit show it like you can't
prioritize the horrors fast enough it's like going in a haunted house you're like ah zombie ah ghost
ah vampires to come out it's like which one was like, I shit myself three times in a row. I don't know.
It's so bad. Every day there's something brand new and it just keeps, it's 2020. It keeps
happening. That's it. That's it. It keeps happening and it never stops and it never
slows down. And that's the thing, right? There's never a moment where it's like,
are you going to take your foot
off the gas just for a second?
No.
Fuck you.
2020 looks you in the eye,
grabs you,
and then it kind of leans in
and it's spitting
while it's talking.
Fuck you, it says.
Yeah.
I cannot even fucking believe.
It's fucking great.
We have not had a week
that hasn't been fucking bonkers style crazy.
Not a single week.
Not a single.
It's been, you know, the tamest weeks we've had were the weeks right after the pandemic
when everyone felt a crushing anxiety.
I know, right?
The best part about 2020 was the existential dread of sitting in your house and wondering if leave.
Like, like there was a moment where it was like, is it the happening outside?
Like, will the trees be like shitting death spores at me?
Like, that was the best part of the year.
That was the best part of the year.
That was it.
That's peak 2020.
That was the best part of the year.
Like, I am jerking off to that memory every day.
I wistfully look back to that every moment of my day.
I'm like, man, that was so great.
It was almost like a,
it was like a really anxiety-filled snow day.
Is what it was.
Okay, it's snowing,
but it's nuclear winter snow.
So it's a snow day.
Admittedly, it's a snow day,
but your DNA doesn't work anymore.
Like, okay, fuck.
And you know, when we started Two Time, it was right snow day, but your DNA doesn't work anymore. Like, okay, fuck. And you know, when we started Two Time,
it was right around then
when we started to really realize
that talking about COVID news
was just heightening everyone's anxiety.
Right.
And it wasn't good for us.
It wasn't good for anyone else.
And so we started to not do COVID news
because it just was everywhere.
And so we decided to try to do funny stories
and try to,
because if there's the same story every day,
you feel like,
well, I don't want to keep covering that over and over.
And I'm starting to get that way
with police shootings and protests.
Like at some point, Cecil,
the horrors will compound in such a way
that we're just categorically like,
hello, this is cognitive dissonance.
This used to be a show that we could laugh
and occasionally say something half poignant,
but now we weep for one hour and 27 minutes.
This is the Welcome to Cognitive Dissonance, the one hour and 27 minutes. This is the, welcome to Cognitive Dissonance,
the one hour and 27 minute weeping show.
What the fuck, man?
Yeah, Kenosha?
I will say this.
You know, one thing that I think has,
it's not just this particular moment in time
where there's an outcry and people are reacting and there's
tons of sort of unrest. It's not just one moment this year. We've known that this has happened
multiple times throughout the year. And I got to look up at the leadership and say,
I think that there's just nobody there anymore
to turn it down a little.
Oh, absolutely.
As, you know, sort of platitude filled
as many politicians' speeches are,
and they don't fix anything,
and they almost feel like they're just saying,
okay, guys, we get it,
and then they don't do anything. I get that. But it almost feels like, like, you know, that might be better
than turning up both sides constantly again and again and again and again. And it always,
you know, now the right's calling that, that Kyle kid, a hero. They're calling him a hero.
Kyle kid a hero. They're calling him a hero. A hero. A fucking hero. Yeah. Man, it's not even just like that the politicians aren't tamping it down. It's that the right is intentionally
amplifying the violence and amplifying the tensions and amplifying the division in order
to create a narrative that this violence occurs in Democrat-controlled cities because the Democrats are not able to keep control of their cities. And that message is working. I was reading some
articles in the Times. That message is working. Wisconsin is a pivotal fucking state for the
2020 election. And this unrest is good for the right. The unrest, the protest, the violence,
it's good for the right because they use this as protest, the violence, it's good for the right
because they use this as a way to say, see, the Democrats, when they're in charge, they can't
control anything. Never mind that Wisconsin voted Trump, right? That Trump is in charge.
Trump is paradoxically standing on stage saying, the only one who could bring order back to the
country is me. And it's like, well, you're in charge now and you haven't brought order into the country, right? Like,
what are you waiting for? And there's an answer for that. He's waiting until November because
the disorder and the chaos suits him. It suits his political purpose. The longer he amplifies
the divisiveness and the amplifies the angry rhetoric, the better this is to drive his base out to vote
because they vote based on fear.
And this is fucking terrifying.
And that's not even like me making it up.
The right, like the science shows,
like people on the right side of the spectrum,
they literally have a more developed fear response.
So like the right is absolutely being played here.
They are being played and the divisiveness is a good thing for Trump. So even if he had the
fucking cure for this, he's not going to fix it. Yeah. Oh, I know. I know. I want to talk though
for people overseas or other places, they might not know what's going on. Tom and I sort of jumped
into this and I want to mention what's happening just so people have a background.
So Jacob Blake is a black guy
who was shot in the back by the police officer seven times.
He was being chased around a car.
There's a video of it.
You can watch it.
There's a video of it.
He's walking around the car.
The cops try to grab him from behind.
He opens his door.
They're saying he's reaching for something.
He might just be trying to get in it.
Well, I don't know,
because they fired seven shots in him before he could do literally anything. They fired seven shots
into his back. Right. You know, so they shot him. He didn't die though. He paralyzed from the waist
up. And so he's in, he's in the hospital and he's, and that's where the protests start.
Then there's this kid, Kyle Rittenhouse, who's a 17 year old kid from Illinois. So Antioch is right on the border.
It's Antioch, Illinois is right on the border of Wisconsin.
It's one of the most Northern cities in Illinois.
And he crossed the border.
It's about a 30-minute drive to get to Kenosha from there.
And he drove up with,
I think he even got dropped off by like his parents
or something with like a permission slip or something.
He's like, yeah, kid.
Have fun storming the castle.
Exactly. And he was standing there he gets interviewed by the daily caller while he's up there um he takes a photo op to to wipe down some graffiti at a certain point in the night um
he's running away from the this there's sort of a scrum he's running away uh he's got a long gun
someone hits him because they thought
someone thought he shot someone or he did shoot someone. Well, can I interrupt real quick? Because
I read just this late evening, the New York Times frame by frame analysis. And you can see like,
it looks like a handgun goes off in another place in the crowd. And then people are like,
he shot somebody. And so he
started running at that point. I see. Okay. That's what I read in the Times today.
And then he starts running away and someone says he shot someone. And so the mob, of course,
goes after him. Three people go after him and they run after him. Somebody hits him with a
skateboard, I think at one point. And then he falls on his back, shoots three people,
shoots two people dead and one person through the arm,
gets up, walks over to the police,
holds his hands up
and the cops literally drive right by him.
Drive right by him.
And they weren't that far away.
So I didn't not see that.
And they drive right by him
and then he flees to Illinois
and he's captured
and now he's charged with murder.
You know, what I think
a lot of people on the right are saying is that
he's
defending himself, right? That's their
whole thing is that he's defending himself from this group
of people that were coming after him.
But, you know, there is no
wrong place, wrong time for white
people, right? You know, like
where, you know, like you, that doesn't
exist, right? You can drive, literally drive 30 minutes away from your house and stay on your ground, right?
It's not your, it's not even your place, but you could go somewhere else if you're white and do
that. But, and you know, what's other, what's also crazy to me about this is that immediately I saw
arrest reports for the people who shot as if somehow having a gun lets you see into other
people's minds and know their know their arrest record they have a criminal record man i you hear
that shit all the time it's like wow that person had a felony sheet as long as and you're like well
did they know that were they like running around handing out fucking business card felonies like
do they have a sky writer right no like the thing like the thing is like, this is a fucking, we live in a fucking crazy town right now.
Like we live in crazy world.
It is, it is somehow a legal thing for armed vigilante pseudo militia men to show up and
openly carry enormous fucking weapons and walk around the streets as if they're like
some fucking sheriff's
posse. That's, that's what's happening. Like the cops for this guy, like he showed up and like,
when he was interviewed, one of the things he said is like, I'm here doing my job. I'm protecting
local businesses. Like get the fuck out of here. You brought a gun out to be cool and intimidate
people. That's what you did. You're and like, somehow that's a legal thing we can do that should not be a
fucking legal thing we can do in america turns out it's not for him yeah right young yeah because
he's under 18 but like if he were 18 and like he didn't get stopped it's not like anybody stopped
him said hey you look too young yeah the cops gave him water and thanked him for helping basically
yeah thank you for your service like what what the fuck is wrong with this fucking country that like you can show up to a fucking protest and carry around a great big fucking assault rifle and pretend that you're some fucking vigilante militiaman.
Like we don't need vigilante militiaman.
We don't need people walking around with fucking enormous fucking assault rifles for no fucking reason.
Just out in the open pretending
they've got a fucking job to do. You don't have a fucking job to do. You're just there to cause
trouble, to stir shit up. You're there to intimidate people. Antifa shows up, like fucking
actual Antifa shows up and they got sticks and it's the fucking end of the goddamn world. It's
the end of the fucking world with someone on the right or someone on the left shows up and they have like a fucking leaf blowers to blow the fucking tear gas away.
Or they've got like a fucking garbage can shield. Oh, they're coming out heavily armed with their
protective padding, right? Oh, they're, they're out there like human tanks in there. But some
fucking lunatic asshole, vigilante militiaia man wannabe motherfucker can grab an enormous fucking military style assault rifle and strut his ass around like he's big fucking shit out in the open.
And it's like, well, you know, that's perfectly normal, reasonable.
He's got a right to be or someone's got to protect these businesses.
He's a hero.
He's a hero.
Yeah.
Murdered people.
Yeah, fucking murdered people.
Absolutely.
And you know-
Guns just escalate shit, man.
Absolutely.
And you know this was going to happen, right?
You knew this was going to kick off sometime.
It was going to happen
when people started bringing their long guns
to the fucking, to the show.
And you know, one of the things that happened
is people told him to stop, right?
So they yelled at him.
They told him to stop.
Hey, stop that guy. You stop. He kept running, right? He didn't comply. He didn't comply.
And look at the juxtaposition of those two guys, right? On the one side, there's a black guy going
to his car. He's not complying, right? He gets shot in the back seven times. On the other side,
there's a white guy, not complying, turns around,
shoots people, no problem,
doesn't matter. That's because
noncompliance doesn't apply to
white people. It doesn't apply.
Watch a hundred videos.
Watch that video of the guy who's
so mad he tears the ticket up and throws it
out his window. And the cop's like,
you better pick that up or I'm going to give you a ticket. He's like,
he's like, he's like flipping his shit look at all the times yeah all the different times look at
that i'm on bundy this week you know he got wheeled out in a car and i'm fucking on a on a
office chair out of wherever he was holding his dumb protest right he gets shot in the back he
didn't get he's non-compliant fucking the very fact of Karen, the idea of Karen. Karen is a white woman,
noncompliant person.
That's what Karen is, right?
That's where the whole concept comes from
is that there's no such thing as compliance.
It's compliance for you.
That's what it is.
It's compliance for you.
You comply.
I don't have to comply.
I never have to comply.
And we're seeing,
it's almost like
people don't fucking like that. It's almost like they're taking to the fucking streets never have to comply. And we're seeing, it's almost like people don't fucking
like that. It's almost like they're taking to the fucking streets and protesting that shit.
And we can't stand it. We can't stand like, like there is a certain group of people that cannot
stand to see that narrative exposed. And that's all that's happening. Like, like the thing that
like makes me like crazy is like a huge part of all that's happening is that it's out in the open
now. Right. Yeah. Like it's, it's out in the open now right yeah like
it's it's on camera it's on video it's immediately boom quick quick as a flash it's uploaded it can't
be taken down the camera can't be confiscated you can't have somebody like beat the fucking film out
of the camera like it's a shit's fucking live and it's in the it's in the immediacy of the world
right now and it can't ever be taken down and that's the big difference that's the reason we have like all this transparency into the problem right now it's the only reason it's not
because there's a new problem it's not because anything is like escalating in in in severity
it's not like anything is escalating in terms of the um amount of this problem has existed for
ever forever like the police have been beating the shit out of people of color
in order to get them to do whatever the fuck they want forever.
Yep.
The only difference is like now,
boop, I caught it.
Yep.
That's it.
Saw it happen.
I got it.
It's all on video now, motherfuckers.
And this Kyle kid,
this Kyle Rittenhouse kid,
he winds up shooting these people
and they, you know,
on the one side they're showing, you know, on the one side,
they're showing, you know, they start to show the guys who went after him, the three people who went
after him as dangerous thugs, right? So they're violent felons is what they found. I don't know
if any of that's true. It's just what I saw on Twitter. And I actually went to look for news
stories about it and could not find a single news story. It may just be anonymous hearsay on Twitter.
I have no idea, right? From what I saw up till this moment,
it didn't look like it was real.
It looked like it was just somebody
had made some shit up and posted on Twitter.
But they're trying to show the people
who went after him as these violent thugs.
And they're trying to paint him as a kid
who's looking to become a police officer.
He wants to go to academies,
a Blue Lives Matter kid.
And you're just like,
it's almost,
it's like the police officer
who's one week from
retirement and he gets
shot. He's like, oh man, I was just one week
from retirement. He was one
year from getting into the police academy
and he could have literally killed anyone he wanted
with impunity forever. Yeah, he just
could have just killed whoever he wanted.
All Kyle did was fuck up the timing.
Yeah, that's it.
That's all he did.
He just fucked up the timing.
Fucked up the timing.
That's all he did.
This is like, but you know, like in terms of like-
You know, dress for the job you want, Tom.
You know, that's the thing.
Dress for the job you want.
Like, this is really no different
than the way that we treat, you know,
white and black people in the justice system.
Like when white people, you know, rape women, it's a great example. Like when white people rape women, it's a great example.
When white people rape women, it's like, well,
Bud, he was an honors
student and he has a promising football
career. We don't
want to ruin someone's life over one bad
decision. You're just like, first
of all, that's more than just like an
oopsie.
One bad
decision is ordering a chai tea latte.
Right, yeah, exactly.
That's a bad decision.
Right, exactly.
But like we do this shit where we're like,
we come up with a fucking million apologies
for the horrifying bad actions of fucking white men, right?
And like when it's other marginalized groups
that are acting, it's all of a sudden, it's like, well, you know, I mean, that person did have these problems and they smoked marijuana once.
And you're just like, get the fuck out of here.
We cannot bend over fucking backwards enough.
We're fucking Cirque du Soleil fucking contortionists.
We bend over backwards so fucking hard to defend some fucking suburban white boy.
backwards so fucking hard to defend some fucking suburban white boy. But when it's some like,
you know, woman or trans person or black kid or fucking whatever marginalized group it is,
like we cannot stop. Like we, it's like, we got to dig up every fucking piece of dirt on that fucker. We do it every time. And it's disgusting. How's my son? He's going to be all right.
Oh my God. Finally, some good news for this guy. There's no other way to take that.
That's a great attitude.
I've got to tell you, if I was getting this news, I don't know that I'd take it this well.
But you said he was all right.
Yes, he's lost his left hand, so he's going to be all right.
You son of a bitch.
I hate this doctor.
He's a very literal man.
That's more the way I would take the news.
So this story comes in the Daily Beast.
And I just thought
this was like a crazy headline like bouchy says he was under anesthesia when cdc changed covid
19 testing guidelines so this is this is part of a a broader uh story but like the cdc was under
intense pressure from the top down to change some of its guidelines on, on,
on the handling of categorically denied Tom,
right?
But they were all the politicians call it categorically denied.
Right.
There was top down pressure.
And then they had to walk back the testing guidelines.
Cause all the scientists said,
what the fuck are you talking about?
It's almost like the CDC should just be all like,
okay.
I just got gotta say this like
politicians even there like what is the cdc if not scientists the cdc should just be all scientists
i i will say this like i used to really have a tremendous amount of like respect for the cdc as
an apolitical group that was like there to you know, keep us fucking safe from things like infectious disease. I have,
I have fucking completely lost faith and completely lost trust and completely lost
respect for the fucking CDC at this point. They, they have shown so many times throughout the
goddamn pandemic. They've shown so many times that they are cowards in the face of political
pressure. They bend a political pressure. They change their guidelines. They change their
recommendations. Then they change them back and And they fucking, like, this is a
great example. Like, they came out with a revised guideline around the idea of asymptomatic spread.
And then they were just like, everybody was like, oh, the fuck? And they're like, well,
yeah, what I really meant was the opposite of the thing that I was pressured to say.
So now you can't trust. And you should be able to place implicit trust.
They did the mask thing too.
They initially said no mask, don't buy mask, don't buy mask,
and they did it specifically so that we wouldn't run out of PPE for first responders.
But that also put into people's head that you shouldn't wear a mask,
and they've never let go of that.
Right.
And so now we have this crisis,
literally a crisis in this country
because people won't wear masks.
They just won't.
I've seen so many Facebook threads, Tom,
where someone talks about mask wearing
and there's always one yokel out there
who wants to jump in and say,
yeah, well, suffocation's like a real thing, man.
Yeah, well, it's not stopping you from shit flapping your fucking gums. Gosh, it's so disheartening to see what is happening. And it's
not just that. There's so many aspects to this that have been so bungled and so mismanaged.
What's the reason why we would want to talk about asymptomatic spread not being
a bad thing? I can't think. The only reason I could think of that is that we want numbers to
be lower. That's the only reason. I can't think of another reason. It's artificial. It's political.
I am happy to hear anyone else's analysis of that. Send me a message and say, Cecil,
Anyone else's analysis of that, send me a message and say, Cecil, here's three reasons.
Here's two reasons.
Here's a single reason why that might be useful information.
I can't think of a way in which that would be useful.
Dude, I can't either.
And the distressing thing is we should be in a position where we can say, listen to the doctors and listen to the scientists.
That's the position we as the public. That's a traditionally skeptic position. We should be listen to the scientists. That's the position that like we should, that's the position we as the public.
That's a traditionally skeptic position.
We should be able to say that.
The problem is the goddamn experts,
the scientists,
the doctors,
the CDC is giving conflicting information. They're contradicting themselves.
So that immediately,
like for people like you and I,
we can look at that and we can say,
okay,
let's try to figure out where that came from.
Let's look at other sources. But you have to do some fucking due diligence. And then I'm
still not convinced I know what's real, right? Because I'm still just a guy with a fucking
English lit degree, which isn't worth a fucking cup of coffee when it comes to a goddamn pandemic.
But like the rest of the public basically looks at that, or many people in the public, I should say,
they look at something like that and they say, these people cannot be trusted. They don't know any better than my Aunt Sally or Uncle Fred.
So the idea of expertise becomes eroded and we cannot erode the idea of expertise at a time when
the only people we should be listening to are the experts, because then that leaves the most
persuasive voices in the room to decide what's true. And that's the opposite of how you should behave in
a crisis. Yeah. And it's a, when we look to the experts, we should be able to look to them as a
way to be unbiased, right? They should be looking at the data and making decisions based on the
data, not on optics. And that's the decisions that they're making. There's been a few people that
have been, I think, in that whole mess that have had a lot of integrity. Fauci feels like somebody
who's had a lot of integrity, right? Throughout this whole process. He won't, you know, people
try to get him to talk bad about Trump. He won't go there. He's, you know, he's constantly trying
to just talk about what's going on. There's many times he's literally, Trump has said something, he's walked on stage and said,
please disregard what that buffoon has said.
What I mean is this.
And so there's been many times that I looked at him and say, okay, well, this guy feels
like a straight shooter.
And you know, the other thing too, that I think is really important is that we are looking
at right now, we got an email a couple weeks ago about it and it's really true.
We're looking at science happening
in real time. And so
there's things that we see
and we think, well, that might work and it
doesn't and people
are putting a lot of hope on those
things. And so we're running into real
issues with people who are putting too much
hope onto something that doesn't have any
real,
that has no real effects. And that's happening in, in several different places. We're going to talk about plasma here in a minute, but you know, it's happening in several, the hydroxychloroquine
was one of those things. And then, you know, they talk about all these other different types of
things that are, that are, that, that fucking MyPillow guy's got some weird shit that he wants
to throw. Somebody else said like, I think this week there was a study that came out that said, like, citrodidyl or some bullshit like that.
It's like an anti, it's a mosquito repellent.
Also kills COVID-19.
And it's like, all right, cool.
But, like, if you read further into the article, it's like, but it's unclear how that could be useful at all for anyone, basically.
It's like, lots of things kill viruses, right?
Like that's not hard to do.
Yeah, I mean, well, you could stick UV light up your ass
or drink fucking alcohol, according to Trump, whatever, you know?
But like, you know, the thing is,
we're just, everyone is just throwing as much spaghetti
against the wall as possible and hoping it's going to stick.
And we're paying attention to media outlets that find
one glimmer of hope because they know that's going to be a shared thing that people will talk about.
So we're finding out that the most optimistic things might not be true. The most pessimistic
things might not be true. And then sometimes the scientists come out and say things that
they walk backwards and people don't like to hear that. They think science has the answer period or it doesn't.
Those are your two options. You know, I think as a skeptic personally, I'm okay with science
making mistakes. Me too. I've never had a problem with that. Where I do have an issue is like
when science feels like it's being co-opted
for political reasons, you know? Absolutely. Yeah. And it's like, fuck, man. Like I can't,
fuck. I just can't stomach it. I just cannot stomach it. We, like, we need some real answers.
And like, it's crazy to live in a time where we've got such an important problem and we have such an
incredible crisis in leadership. And then we have a crisis
in like, um, uh, scientific leadership as well. We can't be, we can't be, we can't live in a vacuum
on both sides. Like being in a vacuum without like in both sides where like nobody is really
invested in the truth and nobody is really like looking out for the actual people. They're all
looking out for, you know, whatever self-interest they serve.
It kind of couldn't be worse.
Like it just kind of could not be worse.
And one of the things that you can look at,
almost all their decisions are optics decisions.
You know, any of these decisions that get
where they have to walk them back,
they're all optics decisions.
The same, you know, masks was an optics decision.
That's an optics decision because you don't want
people walking around your country with masks on because
it looks like you've failed.
It looks like, well, it's already here and we've
already failed. You don't want people doing
the,
we're going to talk about plasma in a second, but
we're talking about all the things that they're
pushing forward and then this new
testing method that they're coming out with. And then
also the roll your numbers up to the
CDC thing instead of
local areas
reporting them and then posting them or
whatever. That one
caveat that came down that said you've got to
give all your numbers to the government before we
actually post them now. So all this
stuff is optics based. It's all
100% trying to make sure
that they look the very best that they can.
Yeah.
Meanwhile, the fucking death toll just hit 180,000.
Yep.
Yeah.
It's going to hit 200,000.
You know what?
What is that?
Three weeks?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It'll almost certainly be a quarter million by the time we get to election day.
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Let's get another Karen in here.
My name is not Karen.
Oh, Becky?
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Let's get another Karen.
I am Paul Sheldon's number one fan.
His number one
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Isn't that from a movie? Can I ask
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I think you mean by ordering sex toys
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To demonstrate sexual behavior on a bus or a train, I believe, is against the law.
I don't know if that's entirely accurate.
That goes for men, that goes for women, that goes for dogs. Dogs and cats are not even allowed on the law. I don't know if that's entirely accurate. That goes for men, that goes for women, that goes for dogs.
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I don't know how this relates,
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This is a wrap!
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I'm talking to this guy.
He's a f***ing idiot.
Use code glory.
The Food and Drug Administration just told
a Massachusetts bakery that they cannot
list love as an ingredient
in their granola. Yes,
they have to call it by its scientific name, rat poop. So this next story comes from Ars Technica.
FDA's promotion of post-COVID plasma treatment was as bad as it appears. So FDA is also now
problematic. That's good. That's awesome. So this specifically refers to the emergency use authorization for a COVID-19 treatment,
which would allow for plasma from people who had recovered from COVID-19 to be used as a therapeutic.
And when they came out, they came out and Trump had said ahead of time,
he's like, ah, Sunday, we're going to have a game-changing announcement on some shit.
And then the game-changing announcement from the FDA
was, hey, this is great, and it reduces
severity by like 35%.
It was like a really dramatic
big-time number, and it's like,
whoa, that's awesome.
That sounds so awesome. The
principal justification for allowing this
treatment under emergency authorization
was a 35% drop
in mortality for those receiving plasma
the first three days. And you read that and you're like, holy shit, that's huge. That's huge. And
it's like, yeah, cool. That's not true. No, the actual difference in absolute risk.
You would want to get that right, I think. Well, here's how bad it is. So I'm just going to read directly
from the article. Imagine a case where only three out of 100 people are affected. An experimental
condition changes that number to one out of 100. The relative risk is different by a factor of
three, a 300% difference. But the absolute risk is the minor change of going from 3% to 1%.
The actual change in absolute risk seen in the study was 4.8%, not 35%. That means an
additional 4.8 lives per 100 COVID-19 patients might be saved with the treatment. They fucked
with the math. That's what they did. Bottom line is they fucked with the math. It says right in the
article, it is possible to find some numbers mentioned in the paper
that could be interpreted as producing a 35% difference
between different types of treatments,
but things get more complicated.
When they start breaking it down, it's like, no, it's not nothing.
If I'm in the hospital, I want the 4.8% chance all day long.
Sure, yeah.
But it's not a 35% chance.
It's about one-seventh of that. But it's not a 35% chance. It's about one seventh of that.
But like, this is about having a great headline. This is about having a killer press conference.
This is about having stories that go viral for your shitty uncle to share. Like that's what
this shit is for. Because we have no leadership. Because nobody gives a shit about the fucking
outcome. All they care about is the outcome of their party and the outcome of their personal career.
Yeah, or just how great I am.
And that's literally what has been happening the whole time.
It's just how great, look at how great I am.
Look at how great I am.
Look at how great I am.
Look at what I'm doing.
I'm doing the best job.
I'm doing such a better job than anybody could have done,
is the line.
Mike, can you imagine, do you think he believes, honestly,
do you think Trump believes that like, history will look back at his legacy? Because this is a legacy-defining moment, right?
And had he done a great job, you could hate him for everything else. But had he done a great job
with the pandemic, that would have been his legacy. That would have been his legacy. Nothing
else would have mattered. If the United States had just fucking crushed this thing New Zealand style
and like the rest of the world is just a shit show and like the US with its big ass population
still had a functioning, robust economy and we didn't have the massive leading the world
in cases and deaths position that we're in.
Like if he had just fucking crushed this thing, that would have been his legacy.
Do you think he's looking now and being like,
yeah, my legacy is going to be the pandemic for sure,
but it's going to be favorable?
Do you think he believes that?
I think he does.
Oh, yeah.
I think he's one of those guys that I can't,
I saw this week,
he's such a fucking narcissist
that there's a suspicion suspicion there was an article about
him in one of those newspapers years and years and years ago and there's a suspicion that he
posed as his own secretary to send in a message to say how great working for donald trump was
and how and how great he is to women. And it literally uses the same language
that he does when he talks.
So hold on, let me find, I'll read it out loud.
Is it like that doctor's letter where it's like,
I'm the best health, the most good health.
The health is the best health of all the health,
the health, the health.
So supposedly Carolyn Gallego wrote the 1992 letter.
And so the letter came, the letter is from this person.
It's a letter to the editor.
And it says,
it says, I'm gonna read it.
Based on the fact that I worked with Donald Trump
as his secretary and therefore know him well,
I think he treats women with great respect,
contrary to what Julie Baumgold implied in her article.
I do not believe in, I do not
believe any man in America gets more calls from women wanting to see him, meet him, or go out
with him. The most beautiful women, the most successful women, all women love Donald Trump.
He so wrote this. He so wrote that.
Like, especially at the end, right? The most beautiful woman, the most successful woman.
All the women want to fuck him.
He's so good to women.
I'll tell you who's not a misogynist.
Donald Trump, he's so not a misogynist.
He gets so much pussy.
That's how he's not a misogynist.
You can tell by his drowning in pussy.
Holy shit, what?
When I saw it this week, I didn't know about it.
Holy shit.
But I just couldn't believe it.
I thought, you know, that's probably true. And there's no way to know, right? I don't know about it. Holy shit. But I just couldn't believe it. I thought, you know, that's probably true.
And there's no way to know, right?
I don't know.
Right.
But the way it's written, it's either dictated by him or it was written by him.
There's no way it's not.
Seriously, it's like, my secretary wrote it.
Yeah, but she didn't write down the, take a memo, sweetheart, that you bellowed at her
ahead of time.
Exactly.
Right.
Did you see any of the RNC this week?
No, I read about it,
but I didn't watch any.
Did you watch any of it?
God, Tom.
I can't do that.
I'm not a strong enough man.
I'm going to play a section
for you real quick.
Okay.
I'm going to play it
for the audience too.
And I'm going to turn my screen
so you can see it.
Okay.
Give me a second.
We'll link to this in the show notes
if you guys want to watch it. I cannot express to you how much you want to watch this, right? I can't tell you,
I can't tell you how much you really want to see this. The leader who will rebuild the promise of
America and ensure that every citizen can realize their American dream. Ladies and gentlemen,
can realize their American dream.
Ladies and gentlemen,
leaders and fighters for freedom and liberty
and the American dream,
the best is yet to come.
Why is she screaming at us?
That is so weird.
It's so weird.
She's just screaming into an empty room that echoes the
silence back at her it's genuinely feels like 1939 hitler yeah it's bombastic it 100 if i mean
i know that german always sounds like that but that's a german pillow talk sounds like imagine someone
imagine if someone translated this and did it in german yeah think of how amazing that would be
just think of how amazing that would be tom good oh somebody should do that somebody should
somebody should take that same video and don't change any of the words. Just translate it into screamy German.
Well, and Tom, let's get right into this next story.
Because this next story talks about this lady.
So this story is pretty great.
It's from Newsweek.
AOC questions Kimberly Daffodils.
The lady we just heard.
Yeah, whatever.
I don't know how to say her fucking name.
Do you know how to say her name?
Guilfoyle?
Guilfoyle?
Guilfoyle?
I don't know.
Guilfoyle?
Kimberly Gargoyle's knowledge of her own heritage
after she said she's a first-generation American.
You know what?
I'm just going to read what AOC said
because it's fucking amazing.
This is so good.
So, the woman the GOP picked as their proud Latina
to tout immigrant experience
didn't seem to know that Puerto Rico
is already part of the United States.
It's quite a message because it reflects-
How did you not know?
She is Puerto Rican.
Like one of your parents literally came from there.
Were you not inquisitive ever during your whole life?
Were you ever just like, hey, we should go back to where you grew up?
Oh, I don't want to go there.
You never typed it into google you never just went porto rico and then what comes up when you type porto rico it's america porto rico territory united states territory it's
literally the first thing that's returned how is it possible how do you live that life you could
swim there from miami that's like being born a boy and not knowing what your dick is for are you
kidding me oh fuck it's so fucking great it is it is really great. Yeah. What is she? I think I interrupted you.
I'm sorry.
Go ahead.
No, that's okay.
So AOC goes on and says, it's quite on message because it reflects their belief that Latinos
aren't real citizens, even when we are native descendants.
Right.
And then even fucking Meghan McCain came out and said, my husband and his family are Puerto
Rican.
They aren't first generation Americans because Puerto Rico is an American territory.
I feel like this has to be explained every few months,
and it makes me fear for what's being taught in our schools.
Oh, jeez.
I actually had to tell somebody that at work
just like a week or so.
Like, think last week.
Somebody last week, Cecil, at my work was like,
oh, you know, we're trying to do this closing,
and they want to sign in Puerto Rico,
and they're refusing to go to the American cons want to sign in Puerto Rico and they were,
they're refusing to go to the American consulate.
Cause if you're out overseas, that's where you have to sign documents.
And I said, I said, well, there's no American consulate in America.
And the woman just stared at me.
That's amazing.
And she just stared at me and I was like, cause, cause that's America.
And she kept staring at me and I'm like, because that's America. And she kept staring at me and I'm like,
Puerto Rico is America.
It's America.
That's all I kept saying to her.
She just sounded like
that guy in the Gif
where his head blows up.
She's dumbstruck for hours
just standing in her office
not saying anything,
just blathering.
Because there's an IO error.
I can't imagine if something happened in Guam,
she'd be like, I can't even do this.
Gosh.
And listen to this.
This is part of the speech, right?
I mean, we didn't listen to that speech,
but part of her speech, part of Kimberly's speech is,
as a first generation American,
I know how dangerous their
socialist agenda is. My
mother, Mercedes, was a
special education teacher from Puerto Rico.
My father, also an immigrant,
came to this nation
in pursuit of the American dream. Now,
her father, her father
is
an Irishman,
right? Something like that. Born in Ireland. A Irishman, right?
Something like that. Born in Ireland, immigrated in the 50s.
Yeah.
And so, I consider my duty
to fight to protect that dream.
So, it's talking about a socialist agenda.
And then it goes,
rioters must not be allowed to destroy our cities.
Human, sex, drug traffickers
should not be allowed to cross our border.
The same socialist policies
which destroyed
places like cuba and venezuela must not take root in our cities and schools what the fuck are you
talking about are you talking about three separate things or are you saying that you know these weird
billionaire that because all the people are cubase that are talking about it they're all like oh it's
a fucking uh uh billionaires all well are they socialist billionaires
that trade in kids i don't understand i think how do you how do you conflate the socialism in the
i don't get it i i think she is confusing first of all i think she's confusing puerto rico with
cuba that's what i really think that she's doing yeah i think she doesn't know the difference
between puerto rico and cuba i don. I don't think she does either.
It's the only thing I can imagine.
That's the only thing that I can imagine.
It's so amazing.
You never talk to dad or mom about where they live?
Yeah.
She knows her mom's from a specific place in Puerto Rico.
I was like, man, was that before or after the revolution, mom?
Did you know?
You fucking idiot.
Did you know Shiva Gavaraara did you know that person fuck out of here god is such a stupid stupid thing is it'll play like it'll play it'll play
to the to the base of the right that like oh they don't care that puerto rico is america
if you were to ask them if you were to call people out on this, Cecil, they'd be like, yeah, well, maybe it shouldn't be.
I got to say, though,
the memes that have come out of this,
of that person
with her hands up in the air
have been the best.
They've been the best.
They have been the best.
And genuinely,
everyone the first night
when she spoke
was just like,
the fuck?
What the fuck is wrong
with this person?
You can't hear that speech
and not think
that person is unhinged.
I read two or three different, like, you know,
best of the night, worst of the night type things
and all the worst of like,
different people said best of the night, but like
worst of the night was always that speech.
It was just like, that was just weird.
Like, she just screamed at everyone.
There wasn't even anyone to scream at.
It's like you're a
poet in Chicago.
Hey, hey, hey, poet in chicago that's my feeling space and sometimes i dragged you out there oh that was good you got me on that one little Little poetry joke there, guys. Very little. Deep cut for you poets out there.
Excuse me.
There's a sign at Rampstead Park that says do not drink the sprinkler water.
So I made some tea with it and now I have an infection.
Sir?
Sir?
Are you listening to me, sir?
Sir, I'm talking to you.
Sir?
Sir, are you aware that there is waste in your water system?
This, this story.
Holy shit.
This story.
This is from Science Alert.
I'm blown away by this.
I was speechless when I saw it.
Yeah.
This is a jaw dropper.
U.S. town rejects solar farm amid worries it would suck up all the energy from the sun.
It's not a Dyson sphere.
What the fuck are you talking about?
I got to read parts of this.
A retired science teacher.
Jane Mann said she was concerned about the rising risk of cancer deaths in the area,
despite reports showing the cancer rates in North Carolina have fallen over the
last four years,
saying that no one could tell her that solar panels were not causing cancer.
I don't see any tigers.
She was also concerned that photosynthesis would slow due to the solar
panels,
stopping the plants from growing in the solar
farm fields. I want
to know what's going to happen. I want information.
Enough is enough. I don't see the profit
for the town. People come with hidden
agendas. Until we can find if anything is going
to damage this community, we shouldn't sign
any paper.
Bobby man said he was worried. Where would you get it?
There's no more photosynthesis.
You can't get paper anymore.
Save what you have, lady. You can't get paper anymore. You can't even have paper.
Save what you have, lady.
We're running out of sun.
Other, they're going to suck up all the energy.
Like the sun is just going to be like.
Oh, we drained it.
Oh God, did we drain the sun?
It's so stupid.
It is. It's such a stupid thing to say.
I mean, like, yeah, the grass underneath the solar panel will certainly turn brown.
Right.
Yeah.
Anything that is, you know, in a shadow won't have as much sun.
It doesn't prevent us from building like pergolas you know
i can't see so i don't want to plant a tree in my backyard it might soak up all the sunshine
and then the grass won't have any sunshine every day you walk out it's like seattle and you're
like what the fuck man i didn't want to move here i like sunshine once in a while it's not like a
fucking rainforest canopy of solar panels that like is strung up in such a way that it prevents the sunlight from like seeping down to the earth.
They're just on the ground.
Yeah.
They're just like on the ground.
Like I said earlier, it's not a Dyson sphere.
We didn't fly up into space and cover the entire solar panels and then suck the juice out of it.
We didn't juice the sun.
We didn't do that.
This is why
we'll never have nice things, Cecil.
Oh, Jesus, man.
That is a retired science teacher.
That's amazing to me. I hope that retired science
teacher is 26. What science?
Do you tell me what science?
I want to know what science it was.
It's so great.
It's so great.
It's like-
Because I'm guessing,
I'm guessing it's Christian science.
That's what I'm thinking it was.
There's just like the solar panel manufactured
to like talk into the sun.
It's like,
I drink your sun shake.
I drink it up. I hope you drink it fast, then you sun shake. I drink it up.
I hope you drink it fast and you sun choke.
Sign the document.
I see you're no stranger to pain.
I've been married.
Twice.
Why?
All right, this story is from Brazil.
It's from the Gazette in Brazil.
I'm going to read parts of it.
And I'm using Google Translate,
so I'm sorry if it sounds a little choppy.
I can't. is it gonna be weird
is it gonna be weird like we used to do the voicemail remember voicemail translate for that
was so great that was so great somebody would call and be like hey tom and c still love the
show google translate be like hey tomato sauce love biscuits furball knobbblenop. And he was like, what the fuck?
It was amazing.
It was always amazing.
I can't separate.
I was going to scandalize
the name of God.
According to investigators,
the deputy tried to murder
the pastor at least six times
by poisoning,
in addition to hiring gunmen
on two other occasions.
Jesus.
This guy's a modern day
Rasputin.
Holy shit.
All right.
So this woman was arrested as the principal for the murder of her husband, who is a pastor.
And they said they designated a federal deputy, Fleur Delis, would have designed the crime
because she was dissatisfied with the way the pastor managed their money.
So he's mismanaging the money.
She's like, okay, you know, I'm going to off this guy. According to investigators,
she tried to murder the pastor at least six times by poisoning.
Is there no other options when you're mismanaging money?
You know, that's a great, that's a great question. You know, like, I don't know,
like in your, in your relationship, Cecil, have you ever been like, Hey, you know,
we were trying to save some money and use the debit card too many times.
So I poisoned your dinner for a week.
No.
I've been on the receiving end of that,
but never the giving end.
Never the giving end.
I told you no more than three trips to Starbucks.
Now you're dead.
What?
So during the investigation,
the police and the MP faced an exchange of messages in which
Floridella suggests that the murder of her husband would be the only way out.
Quote, when she convinces and talks to another son who is denounced here, Andre, about this
plan to kill him, she speaks as follows.
Do what?
I can't separate from him because otherwise I would scandalize the name of God.
What?
And then decides to kill him.
No, but killing him is fine though.
So like you don't want a divorce because Jesus was real clear.
And to be fair, Jesus was real clear about divorce.
That's not, that's a verboten thing in the Bible.
But I do remember there being a little something about killing people as well.
I think multiple times they go out of their way to tell you about that.
Yeah, I think they're pretty like, eh, I don't
know. I don't know.
I just, I fucking love that that's
their solution. Like, look, I want, I still want
God to like me. I want to get invited to the
potlucks. You know, I don't
want to be like on the outs with the big guy.
So I'm going to fucking poison
that mother. Can you imagine like the fourth
time you poison him? You're like, all right, maybe I need to
rethink. Nope. two more times.
I'm going to try two more times.
Where did you find these hit men?
Fiverr?
Like what the fuck, man?
Seriously, everybody sucks at this.
There's so many hit man stories, Tom.
We cover so many hit man stories.
We're just like, people are so incompetent.
And I guess, you know,
you would never cover a hit man story
where the person,
you knew the person got hit by a hit man because then it wouldn't be a good hitman, I guess.
Right. So they, they self-select out, but still it's just the, the, the bumbled ones are so bad.
So genuinely bad. When you watch movies, like hitmen are like fucking like ultra smooth and suave and sleek. And they have like guns that like, they can like pull it out of their wallet
and assemble it
in like little pieces
in 12 seconds
they have a fully functioning
sniper rifle
you know
and like
we read these stories
and it's like
hit him with a hammer
and I was saying my name
while I was doing it
I was like
I'm Tom
whack
I'm Tom
whack
and then I got caught
pretty much immediately
yeah
and I let him Facebook live it.
I tried to kill him by slicing with my social security card.
I left it there.
Truly, I say unto you,
whoever welcomes one of these little ones in my name
might be letting in a murderer or a drug.
Let's get her to a detention center,
you know, until we can figure out what's going on. So this story comes from Right Wing Watch.
Trump world favorite persuader Scott Adams sees satanic coinkydinks in Biden campaign.
All right. Well, we're going to watch this video and you can watch this video if you go to the show notes, but we're actually going to play it, play the audio for you right now. So this is Scott Adams. This is the Dilbert creator, Scott Adams.
How about the name Joe Biden? Well, there's no six, six, six.
God, are we doing this? Yeah, this is great.
That's three letters. Biden is five. So there's no symbolism there.
This is amazing.
You should do this with a pen and paper.
All right, so three and five.
I'm getting a pen and paper.
Three and five.
I got a three and a five.
You have to do some drawing here.
Okay, I got a three and a five.
All right, I got my pen.
When I look at that, I think eight or two,
but anyway, go ahead.
Okay, it's fine.
Except I was looking at it a little bit closer.
Okay.
Do you know if you took the capital letter J?
Take the J?
Imagine the capital letter J in your mind.
I got it.
Now think of the next letter in Joe.
It's an O.
Now just move the O to the left until it's on top of the J.
It's a backward six.
It looks like a little guy.
So that's the J and the O in the form of a backward six. A backward six it looks like a little guy so that's the J and the O a backward six
if you squeeze two letters together
no it forms an upside down question mark
for me
I'm not sure
so a backward six would look like this
I didn't get a backward six out of this either
I took my J
and then I took my O
I don't think I put it in the right place.
I got it.
Oh,
I know what you have to do.
You have to nestle it.
Okay.
So take a J.
I got it.
Cecil.
I got it.
And then elongate the,
I got you,
buddy.
I got you.
I'm not doing this.
And then you got to elongate the,
the,
the little thing going down.
And then you got to nestle the O into the J and then turn it upside down and backwards.
And you have a six.
It looks like if I do it, it kind of looks like when you cast a hook in and the bait shifts.
That's what it looks like to me.
All right.
So we're not reaching right now.
But we have a six.
I think we legitimately have a six.
This is a backwards six.
This is a six.
It's a backwards six, so a nine.
Yeah, okay.
No, you...
All right, now you're wrecking his shit.
It's a backwards nine.
I have a six is what I believe.
I want to believe.
All right.
This letter is the lowercase e.
Lowercase e.
What does the lowercase e look like if you turn it upside down?
Lowercase e.
Well, it looks like... I did. An upside down lowercase e. like if you turn it upside down? Lowercase e. An upside down lowercase e.
Looks like a...
It looks like an a?
Now it looks a little like an upside down comma to me.
It looks like an a.
Yeah, so if you do it,
it looks like an a.
And then just keep going.
Kind of looks like a two. Maybe one of those quick twos.
Yeah, right. Okay.
What does Gilbert think? A to D2. And then just keep going. Kind of looks like a two, maybe one of those quick twos. Yeah, right. Okay. Yeah. No. All right.
What does it look like?
What does Gilbert think?
A to D two.
That's what it looks like.
It's like a six.
So you got the J and the L together.
If you combine them, it looks like a backward six.
You've got the lowercase E that looks like an upside down six,
but that's just two sixes.
Well, it's not even two sixes to be
fair you built a six out of two letters they're both upside down and sideways and bumble fucked
over admittedly if you take individual pieces of all these letters you could probably paint a satan
kick picture too you know what i mean like i genuinely wait yeah you know when you take
something apart you can make
something new no shit dude that's how taking things apart works i know it's like what the
fuck okay guys did you know that if you buy a batman lego set and assemble it into a demon
you have a demon lego set
yeah no shit dude it's parts and parts is parts.
But the next letter is capital B for Biden.
Okay, capital B.
And capital B is where you hide your sex.
So even-
You just hide it.
Wait, what?
Cecil, earlier in the video, when he said, I got you, buddy, I got you.
Okay, thank you, because we skipped a little bit.
Yeah, earlier in the video, he's talking about Biden's slogan,
which is like,
build better buildings or something.
I forgot what BBB stands for.
Build better boobs.
Yeah, I forgot what it stands for.
Oh, build back better.
Build back better, right?
Smell a woman's hair.
Is that what it was?
Is that what the slogan is?
And what Dilbert here says is that if you take-
Dilbert, I like that you're calling him Dilbert.
If you take build back better and you ignore most of the letters
and then you do BBB and now it's not the Better Business Bureau,
but it's build back better.
What if it was BBC instead?
And then what a bee
is, Cecil, and I'm not even kidding,
what he says a bee is is a
secret six.
It's a secret because
you can hide a six inside
a bee.
And if you
think I'm making this up, let me read,
I'm going to just read to you exactly what it says.
If you were going to imagine 666 and you wanted to show it to people and disguise it at the same time,
can you think of any letter that the numeral 6 would fit inside of completely only the capital B?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
So you can hide a 6 inside a B.
So a B is now a 6, even though it's also a 2.
B. So a B is now a 6,
even though it's also a 2.
You know, it's... You, Cecil, should shut
your whore mouth and let Tom do
the talking. Tom, you make a good point.
I can see the argument.
This guy's so
bonkers. Who's the fucking
idiots in the world that look to this
douchebag and they think, God, this
guy's right on. Man, he's right on.
Oh, he's right on.
I do have too many pagers on my belt.
Fucking idiot.
J-O-E-B
is 666.
666.
It gets crazy.
You can find a pattern in anything.
How do you explain the rest of the word?
He calls himself out on this shit.
It's easy if you just
cherry pick.
If you just cherry pick,
you can get that.
But what is left
of the word Biden?
I like that he says that and does not say
why that's a bad thing.
He just admits that it's there. It's like,
hey guys, there is an elephant in the room.
Anyway. I know, right?
Let's all eat some of his shit.
That's what I was saying.
In my speech pre-elephant in the room
speech. It's so amazing.
Oh gosh.
That's where the six is hiding.
What's left of the word Biden.
Are you ready for this?
I am.
D.E.N.
I.D.E.N.
Identity.
What the fuck? What are you talking about so that if you if you only count some of the letters and
you add on other letters that aren't there and you draw different shapes and then you find secret
numbers hidden in different letters the fucking what oh You know, if I take all the paint off my walls
and use that to paint different things,
I will have painted different things.
I used to, Tom, I used to think
the Bible code was fucking stupid.
The Bible code is literally fucking manna from heaven
in comparison to this.
It's genuinely, it makes so much more sense.
This is David Icke level crazy.
It is.
It's absolutely off the walls, bananas crazy.
My favorite is the J into a six.
I love the J into a six.
What I hate about this whole timeline is that nobody has any good arguments.
There's plenty of good arguments for not Biden, right?
Right.
I'm sure there's plenty of good arguments out there that somebody could say, look, you know, he was against this or he did this.
And, you know, you know, there's plenty of ways that you could politically tell me, you know, your choice for Biden might not be the best choice.
I think that that's valid.
And I'd listen to you.
But when you're just like, no, his fucking name means bad.
And you're like, oh, my God, you're a weirdo.
What is wrong with you?
Biden all of a sudden is the devil.
What I love is that,
like, we didn't know that.
Evidently, he's been the devil
like the whole time.
The whole time.
The whole time he's trying to kill Obama
and it's not working.
It's like a sitcom
where Biden is constantly trying to kill kill obama so he
could become and that's the thing is wasn't wasn't obama satan didn't we already go through this once
before it's like oh no he's not he's basil lip yeah he's basil lip or whatever basil lips because
he ate pesto earlier um this is such a stupid it's so stupid you know you already said the
other guy was satan what was, but somehow Biden was also.
Yes, Hillary's a double Satan witch.
No, she's, no, she can't be Satan
because Satan's got a penis.
What she was, was, oh, who's the evil,
who's the evil manifestation?
Jezebel.
Jezebel.
Yep, yep.
Yeah, she's Jezebel.
God, I'm going to kill myself because I know that.
Yep, I'm going to kill you for no reason.
So we want to thank our patrons.
Of course, we want to thank all our patrons
who are amazing people,
but we want to thank our newest patrons,
Eli, Jasmine Says Trans Rights.
I think it's Jasmine says trans rights are human
rights, but I don't think it all fit in here.
I kind of like it.
Jasmine says trans rights.
I just yell it.
You could just scream it. I mean, it is a slogan.
I mean, it's fine. Jerry,
April, Craig, Cheryl,
Tim,
what is that? Bailey, and then there's a word afterwards that looks like
it looks like if you said it backwards mitzel plix would have to go back to his original universe
john robert kale travis laurie alexander lex and john and people who up their pledges
terry and luann, Daniel, Buddy,
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So we want to thank you so much
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We saw an outpouring this week.
We want to encourage everybody
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You get a full, almost hour of extra tape
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Because we have to.
Yeah, exactly.
So we're going to bounce through some email real quick.
We got a message.
It came in as a guest request.
It was from someone who just left their email account.
I guess Dat Other Guy is the contact info.
But it was sent through our website.
And they're from Canada,
and they're talking about our healthcare system.
They say,
I think you need to get on board with a third party for the people
and get your shit together
before you kill us all
with your corporate-centered ideals.
I want to say,
I don't have a lot of corporate-centered ideals,
I don't think,
but I'm willing to listen to any ones
that you want to point out.
I am 100% behind Medicare for All.
I think it was probably the best place to be,
but Bernie did not get the requisite amount of votes. 100% behind Medicare for all. I think, you know, like it was probably the best place to be. Uh,
but, uh, but Bernie did not get the requisite amount of votes. I hope that people push Biden to do something that is like that, even if it's not called that. Um, and hopefully we will
be able to do that if he gets to be, if he gets elected. But, uh, but I, I recognize that our
system, our, our, our medical system is totally fucked and it needs an overhaul.
Yeah.
And I want to address the third party.
We don't have that system.
We don't have a system that creates viability for third parties.
Third parties have never been viable in modern history in America.
I would love it if that were different, but it's not different.
And until it becomes different, we have to work with the system that we're in
if we want to accomplish anything.
Throwing your vote away to Jill Stein doesn't do anything
except for end up with fucking Trump in office.
Well, and if you did split the Democratic Party
with centrists and liberals,
then the Republicans just win every time.
Yeah, they just win every time.
It's too strategic
with two parties right now.
Yeah.
Really,
the solution
is to break up
the two major parties
into multiple parties
and then change
our entire voting scheme.
Yes.
And that requires
constitutional change.
It's not going to happen.
Don't get me wrong.
It would be amazing
if we had
multiple,
multiple parties
where I could look
at my candidates across
because I'll tell you, so many times I do, I side with, and it's not a mainstream
candidate. It's not somebody who's mainstream. It's somebody who I'm like, what the fuck? I
side with who? And that happens. It happens all the time where I'm just like, holy shit,
that guy's not mainstream or that gal's not mainstream at all. And that just happens.
But I would love to see that because then I would say, well, shit, it looks like this person has
the most that I agree with. And I would love to see rank choice voting. I would love to see that because then I would say, well, shit, it looks like this person has the most
that I agree with.
And I would love to see
ranked choice voting.
I would love to see changes
like that in our political system.
I,
the Constitution,
the Constitution
is such a fucking hill to climb
that it's,
it's almost impossible.
That's why we don't have
an equal rights amendment, man.
Yeah.
We got a message from,
from,
this is,
somebody didn't sign it. So they didn't sign it. They they call themselves lunchbox. I guess is at the top there They sent a message and they said um, they they said that they got this mailer in the in
The mail and it's literally president trump says join president trump and vote by absentee ballot
He's and it says request your absentee ballot today. He's literally Asking people to vote by absentee ballot. And it says, request your absentee ballot today. He's literally asking people
to vote by mail,
specifically doing it,
even though he says
and has been shitting on vote by mail
the whole time.
Yeah, but it's all the vote,
all the don't vote by mail stuff
is a way for him to control
where voting by mail is more difficult,
right?
In order to disenfranchise
certain population groups.
Yeah, yeah.
We got a message from Tammy
and then someone else sent a message in too.
They sent a message about allsides.com,
which is supposed to be all the different stories
from all different spectrums of right to left.
And they try to use a sort of a grade
to tell you whether the source you're looking at is centrist,
whether it's left-leaning, whether it's far left-leaning or far right-leaning.
And Tom and I both absolutely abhor the website.
It's the ugliest site I ever saw in my life.
Because it looks genuinely terrible.
It looks like a GeoCity site.
Seriously, this looks like a site that somebody built in 1993.
Yes.
It is an atrocity.
I mean, I'm not saying the information is bad.
I'm sure the information is good and it's probably a worthwhile exercise.
I will say, though, that it is a cancer for your eyes to behold.
Yes.
It hurts to look at.
Yeah, absolutely.
It looks like when the internet was first starting and I
Made my wedding website
It looks like that
Yeah, we got a message a patron message from bobby b. Bobby's been a longtime listener six seven years
Um, just want to shout them out bobby. Thanks so much for listening. Thanks for becoming a patron. Really appreciate it
We got we got an image. This is a reddit link that links to an image
And we're going to put it on this week's show notes.
It very much is the theme of this show that's not a glory hole.
Like it's genuinely, like of all the things we've done,
it is a theme of the show that is not a glory hole.
So go check it out.
Yeah.
Send in from Patrick.
Thank you, Patrick.
Speaking of which, the very next email that we had is an image from Brian,
which is a glory hole.
And we'll post it on this week's show notes.
It's very funny.
See,
so my favorite thing about the glory hole that's being held up here is it is
for sale and is marked down from $900 to $90.
It's 90% off.
So funny.
No takers.
We got a message from Kat and Kat was talking about an impractical car
submission.
We had a thread about this and Tom and I took a look at the thread. It was actually a really great
thread. It's on the Facebook page and there's
a couple of them different places. The
Facebook group had one as well as the Facebook
page. But this person
sent in a message. This is Cat
and they said their impractical car
is a 1963
Lamborghini Muraya
Lamborghini Muraya. I don't
know if I'm saying that right. Muria, maybe?
I don't know, but it's an
amazing looking car. Tom and I both looked
at it. It looks like the Speed Racer car.
It's awesome. It is beautiful.
That is a seriously, outrageously
cool car. It's funny.
Someone was picking on me for my choices
of a reasonable
SUV or a Corvette,
and I'm just like, look, man,
modest cars are okay too.
Go fuck yourself.
And actually I changed my mind.
What I would get if I had a billion dollars is
I would go out of my way to hire a grandma
and get a Volvo and have them drive me around
because every single fucking billionaire out there
rides in a fast ass car,
like flies and like fucking skate,
surfboards off a water shark and then they fucking get murdered and they die in a plane
crash or a Cessna. I mean, look at Kobe Bryant dies in a fucking helicopter. I would never get
into anything unsafe. I would walk or I would have grandma drive me places. That would be it.
I would hire a 70 year old woman to drive me around who goes 10 miles under the speed limit.
And I would, and I would strap myself in a five point harness in the back of a Volvo. That's what I would do. I'm going to
live long enough to have fun with this billionaire money. God damn it. Fuck it. Hey man. Yeah. I mean,
don't get me wrong. She's going to take me to a secret staircase where billionaire hookers are.
I'm going to go with Graham. Come on, grandma, pick one out for yourself.
I'm going to go with Grim.
Come on, Grandma, pick one out for yourself.
Live a little.
Live a little, Margaret.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I said one, Grandma.
We got a message from Elena and Elena sent a long message about Mexico
but specifically said,
look, I guess in the past
we might have used the term illegal alien
and they find it offensive and racist.
I know that I try to use the term undocumented
whenever I can.
If we did use illegal alien,
it may be that we might be reading from a story.
I know Tom and I are pretty careful.
If we did slip up though,
we apologize.
It's not something that we try to do.
I know that I don't like the term illegal at all
because it makes it feel like a person can be illegal
and that's a stupid thing to think.
So I don't like that. I like to say undocumented whenever possible.
Yeah. I think I'm probably more guilty of that than Cecil and I'll apologize. There's no excuse
other than I grew up hearing that so much that it's just embedded in there, but I'll try to do
better. Right. Right. We got a message from Frank and Frank just said, hey, thanks for making me
laugh every week. Yeah. Thank you for listening, Frank. Yeah. Thanks, man. We got a message from frank and frank just said hey thanks for making me laugh every week yeah thank you for listening frank thanks man we got a message from ak and he said bannon looks like
baron harkonnen let himself go baron harkonnen has pus to us all over his body in the book
he looks disgusting he's like he can't hold himself up on the gravity he has to use he has
to use repulsor lifts to like his belly. He's so disgusting.
And this guy's like,
he lifts, I'll go.
And he's right.
That's the thing.
And you can look up images
of Trump as Baron Harkonnen
and there are actually
a bunch of them
and they're really good, actually.
So check out our live streams.
Our live streams are happening
at 9 p.m. Central Time,
Thursday nights.
Come check them out.
Come hang out.
We normally have a lot of fun.
We either do a funny story
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we'll talk about some serious stuff.
This week,
we're going to be doing funny stories.
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posts every week. So check it out. And please become a subscriber on YouTube.
That'd be awesome.
That is going to wrap it up for this week.
We are going to leave you, like we always do,
with the Skeptic's Creed.
Credulity is not a virtue.
It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue,
hypno-Babylon bullshit.
Couched in scientician, double bubble,
toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative,
acupunctuating pressurized
stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch
late night info docutainment leo pisces cancer cures detox reflex foot massage death and towers
tarot cards psychic healing crystal balls bigfoot, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense.
of nonsense.
Expose your signs.
Thrust your hands.
Bloody.
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