Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - 10th Anniversary Part 1

Episode Date: April 29, 2019

Scott Aukerman celebrates the 10th Anniversary of Comedy Bang! Bang! by implementing a true open door policy and welcomes fan favorite guests of the show over the last 10 years!Part One Featuring:Jason MantzoukasAndy DalyPaul F. TompkinsSeth MorrisJon HammLauren LapkusJessica McKennaZach ReinoJon GabrusEgo NwodimZeke NicholsonCarl TartRob HuebelThomas LennonMatt BesserPaul ScheerTawny NewsomeMadeline WalterTaran KillamPaul BrittainRyan GaulListen to the full 10 hours as one episode on the Stitcher app!This episode is brought to you by Sirius XM (www.siriusxm.com/BANGBANG), Thomas’ English Muffins, and State Farm.

This episode of Comedy Bang Bang is brought to you by SiriusXM. If you don't know SiriusXM, then listen up, commercial free music, plus sports talk, comedy, and news, they have it all. And you can actually listen outside of your car. In fact, right now you can get your first three months of SiriusXM outside the car for just $1. Just go to SiriusXM.com slash Bang Bang to see offer details and to subscribe. You can listen on your phone, at home, and online.

That's Sirius S-I-R-I-U-S-X-M.com slash Bang Bang. Offer available to new SiriusXM streaming subscribers, SiriusXM, no car required. Sprinkle me with jimmies while I tinkle and I shimmy. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Hey wait a minute. That I think that's the one. I think that's it. I think we found our permanent catchphrase, Bingo Boy sent us that, and that I really liked

how that sounded coming out of my mouth. That is very akin to the old catchphrase, what's up hotdog that took us through the first couple of years. Ever since then, I've been on a continuous quest to find the permanent catchphrase. And let me just say it again, sprinkle me with jimmies while I tinkle and I shimmy. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. That's it! I found it!

Oh my god, it just took 10 years. And I found the permanent catchphrase. Wow, what a day. Congratulations, Bingo Boy. It's been special coming out to you. I have no idea what that would be. I wish I hadn't said that as a matter of fact. But Bingo Boy, thank you so much and welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week.

And this is a very, very special week. My name is Scott Ackerman, the host. I've been the host of Comedy Bang Bang Low these 10 years. And if you've noticed the runtime on whatever podcast app you happen to be listening to for this very special 10th anniversary episode, no, it's not a dream. It's not a hoax. It's not an imaginary tale. The episode is 10 hours long for 10 years.

That's right. I decided to do a 10 hour episode today, the longest podcast episode ever, I believe. Call Mr. Ginnis! Or Mrs. Ginnis. The doctor is a woman. It could be Mrs. Ginnis. I don't know. I don't know who this Ginnis fellow or woman is.

But call them, whoever they may be, and let them know that the world's longest podcast episode has finally been dropped here on April 29, 2019, 10 years after the very first Comedy Bang Bang podcast episode. We have a very special show today. Basically what happened was I started this show 10 years ago. It started out as a little tiny radio show on a local radio station and we would tape record it and then we would put it up as a podcast. And it started out with very humble roots and humble beginnings and grew into a show

that quite a few people seem to like. If you've never heard the show and are taking it upon yourself to listen to it for the first time, enjoy these 10 hours. I don't know why this would be your first episode to ever listen to, but welcome to you. Basically what the show is, is it's the show where, gosh darn it, I talked to interesting people. And that is the only connective thread between all of the people I'll talk to is hopefully

by gum they are interesting. And as far as today's episode is concerned, I do believe some interesting people will show up. Here's what I did. When the show started 10 years ago, it started out as a very straightforward comedy show where I was talking to comedians and then a few episodes in, suddenly people started barging into the studio and just coming on the show and I'll be honest, a lot of these people who did that were eccentric weirdos, as I'm sure you can understand would be the

case. They have no sense of politeness, no sense of decorum, they're just barging into a room and started talking on mic. But that started something that we called our open door policy. Really, that's what the show is. Anyone who comes into the studio, who wanders into the studio and happens to open up this door into this tiny podcast studio, they can get on a mic and they can talk to me. And that's what the show is all about.

Sometimes I have guests that I've booked and sometimes I have guests who just wander in. So today what I thought would be really special is if I put out the call to all comedy bang bang guests, every single person who has ever appeared on comedy bang bang got the call and said, for these 10 hours, I am recording the very special 10th anniversary show, feel free to drop by at any time. And so today's show is a true open door policy where I don't know who the guests are going to be. I don't know what they're going to say, but they're going to just open up that door and

they're going to wander in and we're going to talk to them. And hopefully that'll be very interesting for you people for 10 hours. And I know that some of our old favorites are going to drop by. I don't know who they are, but people hopefully who have been on the show ever since the beginning, recent favorites. If you've only been listening to the show for the past, I'm going to say three and a half weeks. Let's just say, well, don't worry, I think maybe someone from those three and a half

weeks will drop by. Probably. I don't even know. And if you're one of our old, old listeners who have been listening since episode, a lot of people come up to me and they say, I've been listening since episode five or I've been listening since episode three. Even people who have been listening since episode one, and if, you know, if you're a person who listened for a couple of years, then dropped off, then want to check back

in and with this 10th anniversary episode, welcome back. You're going to hear some of those old favorites and you're going to see, you're not going to see anything unless you're looking at something very, very interesting. And I pray that you are, but you're going to hear some of your recent favorites. You're going to hear some of your old favorites and you're going to hear some of those favorites from right in the middle, I believe. So that's what we're going to do on this show today. We're going to have a lot of fun and 10 hours put on a pot of coffee and talk to your family

and your wives and children and let them know you'll be gone for a little while. 10 hours is longer than a lot of people's work days. So I know a lot of people listen to this at work. You will not even be able to listen to this episode at work in its entirety all the way through. Hopefully, you can listen to part of it, dip out for a while, save it over the next 10 days, listen to an hour for 10 days, or if you want to listen to it all in one sitting. If there are people out there who listen to it continuously, all in one sitting, let me

know and a special salute coming out to you and to people of all stars and stripes across this wonderful country in which we're recording and the countries that are wonderful outside of this country where podcasts are received. So let us Terry know further. I am Scott Ackerman again and this is the podcast that started as a radio show and now has become a podcast for 10 years. It was a TV show for a little bit for about five years in the middle. Those were fun years and now has returned to being solely a podcast.

Let us pause no longer and let us get to whoever our first guest is. So if there's someone out there, feel free to come on in here and... Hey, hey. Oh my heavens. What's going on here? Oh, it's the Hanong Manzookas himself. Jason Manzookas is here. Looky looky here.

Looky looky. Who's got a cookie? Uh-oh. Did you bring cookies? Did you bring cookies? Yeah, I brought a bunch of egg-free oaky cookies. Jason's the oaky monster. Oh, come on.

Yeah. Egg-free. Egg-free oaky cookie. Because you're sterile? Yep. Yes, because when I produce sperm, it's full of eggs. Welcome to the show, one of our oldest guests in age. What a thrill.

What a thrill to be here. How dare you. As you are older than me by barely months, I believe. Yeah, I think, yeah, I mean, we could be related. We are. How so? Well, you know, I was born in 70, but I believe I was conceived into 69, so... Hello?

What do you mean? Hello? How could you be conceived into 69? You know, stuff gets squirted out, it gets all spread around. But it doesn't get spread in the right place. Like, you can... Maybe it does. If someone, if your father and mother were 69-ing, picture it.

Oh, shit. Picture your father and your mother just going to town 69 style. I'm going to picture my father and your mother, is that okay? Great. Okay. And this is what I'm talking about. We could be related. And she, and it just wouldn't work because the sperm would not fertilize the egg in your

mother's mouth. Well, maybe if the dad was, look, I don't want to get into... You don't? You don't want to go down the rabbit hole of how this works? It's not that kind of a show. He's very early to be saying... It is very much that kind of a show. That it's not that kind of a show.

I'm not that kind of performer. A friend, happy anniversary. I like Queen Comedy. Thank you so much. Happy 10-year anniversary. 10-year anniversary. Look at what you've done. Not much.

I know. I've sat here in a chair for a long time. You were on the first year, I know, because you were at the radio station, I'm sure. Yes, I was. Yeah, so you've been around since the very beginning. Since my first appearance was myself, Natasha Leggero, and Bob Ducca doing a Ship of Hope. Bob Ducca. A ship called Hope.

A ship called Hope, of course. A ship called Hope, of course, yeah. A ship called Hope, Bob Ducca doing a ship called Hope at the radio station. That was my only radio station. I don't know where Bob is these days. BD? BD, yes. Big dog?

Woof, woof. T-shirts available now in the gift shop. Guys, snag that swag because it's fucking good. I am getting one of those shirts. My only criticism that I told Scott before we started talking into these mics, I want a long sleeve option. Long sleeve option. We'll see what we can do for you.

I may be able to sew some long sleeves on to this. All right, from another shirt? Yeah, exactly. Do you have any? By the way, are you ever going to wear it? You primarily wear white button-downs and white offsets. Yeah, I'll wear it on a hike or something. Oh, okay.

I'll wear it like when I'm working out. Let's go hiking together. Absolutely. You know what I mean? We don't live far from each other. We should be hiking together. Shame on you. Shame on us.

Keep us to blame together. Two or three day together. Shame on us, shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.

Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. I will talk to you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you.

Shame on you. Shame on you. And we've reset. Oh, man. Looking back on these ten years. So many catchphrases. Right. You've been such a wonderful guest and so many T-shirts have sprung out of our conversations.

You have. By the way, is Haynong Mann still the greatest selling T-shirt you've made? I would assume so. No, I don't know. It's a good one. It's a good one. But Haynong Mann is. I still am getting Haynong Manned constantly in the world.

Of course. Of course. It makes me very happy that now an episode that is many years old. Is still referenced. Is still referenced. Is still valid in fans. Is still at the forefront of fans' minds when they see us. I think it's got about maybe two or three more years left for everyone to forget.

I mean our careers. No. Oh Jason, I mean so many episodes you've done with so many wonderful people on them joining us. Oh yeah. You mentioned Bob Duca of course and I remember we did some episodes where we were talking about how we were both, I mean I'm not telling you anything that you don't know, but we were both childhood actors.

Oh yeah. On the same show. On the same show. That's how we. Yeah, here's what's true about us. We are lifelong friends. Right. We've spent so much time together.

From childhood to adulthood. Talking to each other and to interesting people. We've met people. That's what we like to do. This was the show. And just recently we met Caitlin Sofresh. Caitlin Sofresh. Oh Caitlin Sofresh.

So incredibly fresh. We met as you were referencing now Chip Gardner, the mayor of New York, the wannabe mayor of Hollywood. Yes. So many great people. Of course was, who was on that show that we did, that we, when we were kids, I don't really recall. Chip Gardner.

That was Chip Gardner. I have some weird mental block when I try to think back on those days. Yeah, no. It's very foggy. It's very foggy for me, like the specifics of it, but I remember Chip Gardner. I do remember Chip Gardner. A real character. We met Dalton Wilcox.

Oh, Dalton Wilcox, amazing guy, the cowboy of the west. The cowboy poet or poet laureate of the cowboy west? I feel like it's the poet laureate of the west. The poet of the west. The western poet? Is that what it is? It doesn't matter. I don't know.

Yeah. Who cares? We met the mailer daemon. The mailer daemon. The mailer daemon, yes. Yeah, right? Yeah. We met some real kooky nuts jobs.

Some real kooky people, but right now it's just you and I, and that's the way I like it. And this is what I wanted. This is what I said to you. I want 30 uninterrupted minutes, and you said, Jason, you got it. Of course I did. And there will be no... Hang on a second.

Hot dog! What? Hot dog! What? I would know that do-do-do-do-wa anywhere. Well, yeah. It's the world-famous water skier, Hot Dog. That's right.

Thank you very much for recognizing my famousness across the world as a water skier. What's going on, you guys? Hot dog. Great to see you. How are you? I'm excited to be here. What's happening? Did you know Jason and I would be here?

No, I just came in. I just walked in. I came to change floors, and I came to check out the new digs and whatnot. Yeah. Well, you're here. I'm here now. It's so good to see you. I mean, we haven't seen you in about a year.

A year maybe? It's been at least a year. It's been a year. I don't know. It's been a long time. It's been a while. We're getting them all in, guys. We're getting them all in.

We're getting them all in for the 10th anniversary. They said, what? It's the 10th anniversary? Or what? Oh. This is a podcast. Do you know we've been recording your voice? No.

You know you sign a release at the end of each of your appearances, allowing us to put your voice on the air. I figured that was just a water skiing fan. Do people ever approach you in the wild? Like, out in the world? Do people ever approach you in reference, having heard you on a podcast? I don't know what people even look like. How would they recognize them?

Oh, that's interesting. Have you ever described yourself? I have described myself. I have incredibly powerful legs. Yeah. So sometimes. Which is okay when people do what they do in 80s movies, where they start down to the feet and look up real slow all the way up.

That's right. The opposite bodybuilder's body of like really big legs, really small torso. Yeah, the opposite of those, what do they call the? Murder ball? Murder ball of bodies. All I did was remind one thing. The hot dog is a reverse murder ball. I'm a reverse murder ball.

Yeah. I'm gonna bring it back. Bring them back to life ball. But yeah, sometimes people do recognize me. They'll recognize my voice. Now, did you mention it? Because that's funny. And they'll say, wait, what's up hot dog?

What's up hot dog? Yeah. My old catchphrase, of course. Speaking of catchphrases. Now Weird Al has, which oh man, if I ever see that guy, I gotta talk to him about that. You should. But yeah, so they'll recognize, are you out there saying do, do, do, do wah? Is that why they recognize your voice?

Yes. I walk around saying I practice, you know. I'm practicing. Oh yeah, I'm always practicing. I'm always practicing singing. Because you know, as you know, as you guys know, as you know, I am still my lifelong dreams to become a member of Shana Na, the number one interpreters of Old Time American Rock and Roll.

Which has a rotating membership. Well, it has in some sense. I mean, they've been around for over 50 years. And some people have come and gone. And so it is not inconceivable. The very definition of a rotating membership. Are there any original members left in Shana Na at this point? Are you kidding me?

Of course there are. John Bowser Bowman. One of the original members is no longer part of Shana. He has been a part for a long time. For me, he was the glue. Is he passed or is he? No, he's real out there. He tours with another group.

Oh, what's that? Not Shasha. No, not Shasha was my group. And that was, man, I've talked to you guys. I've been on the receiving end of a very, very nasty lawsuit from Shana. Really? Oh wow. They sued me right into the ground and back.

In fact, I lost my water skis. Oh. What? No. They specifically sued me for my water skis. That's all they asked for. They know they would incapacitate you. Yeah.

Did you represent yourself? Oh yeah, I was not going to pay a lawyer. You had a fool as a client. Can I ask you a question? Are you allowed to buy new water skis? I suppose I can if I could ever get the scratch together. That's part of why I'm here. You could just go back to being on sausages or whatever it was.

Yeah, no. Big, long sausages. Yeah, I was the first guy to have a water ski on meat. A lot of people know that. And I could do that again. I could probably do that again. But there's a very specific reason that I'm looking at it. I need water skis right now.

You need water skis right now? I'm here to talk about a couple of different things. One of them has to do with... But let me ask you a question. Shoot. Screamin' Scott, Jaco and Donnie are still in the group. Okay. And they were originally there from the 60s.

They played at Woodstock and everything. Yes, they played with... Speaking of. Yes, this is the other thing I'm here to talk about. Speaking of. Two big things to talk about. I don't care what order I'm talking about. I just thought it was going to be a Woodstock 2019.

2019, which would be the 60th anniversary. It's the 50th anniversary of the original Woodstock concert. That's incredible. They must be getting all the old acts back. Well, Jimi Hendrix is no longer with us. Sure. But who else was there? Crosby stills and Nash were there.

They didn't make it, right? They sang the song about it because they couldn't make it. Oh, was that what happened? Crosby stills and Nash, they were there. They were there. Oh, but Donnie Mitchell wrote the song. Donnie Mitchell wrote the song and she was not there. She was not there.

Maybe Neil Young didn't go. Yeah, but they must be getting everybody back. That's exciting. Almost everybody from the original lineup of Woodstock. The Killers? They're coming back, right? They're coming back. Green Day?

Almost everybody from the original. Well, Green Day was at Woodstock 90... The second one. Yeah, 94 or whatever. Oh, 99. 99. They were like the mud throwing of the mud, remember? Yes, yes.

The puddles of mud going to be the big enough. Puddles of mud. I don't see them here. Okay. I have in front of me the list of absolutely everybody that's going to be there. Well, let me say first of all, the almost everybody that performed at the 1969 Woodstock is dead. Almost all of them.

Rightfully so. Rightfully so. I think finally time caught up to them and justices served. Have they released the schedule for the new one? Yes, they have released it. And does Shauna and I have a prominent placement? Yeah, are they headlining Saturday night or which one are they? I think that they were at the original and are one of the only bands that still is alive

and touring. Yeah, very, very active. You are asking all the right questions and I'm afraid I have to tell you the answer is not only do they not have a prime slot like a Saturday night prime slot. So what do they got? They are not on the bill at all. What? They are not on the bill at all, man.

What an injustice. That can't be possible. It can't be possible. That's ludicrous. It is 100. Is it ludicrous? Ludicrous is on there. Ludicrous Bridges?

From the Fast and the Furious franchise, the FFF. If you say so, look at this. Not a movie fan? Not at all. I haven't seen a movie. Do yourself a favor. You haven't seen five years. Watch every one of the Fast and Furious movies in order you will not be disappointed.

Have you seen Blue Jasmine? No. What's Blue Jasmine? Oh, okay. That's a friend of mine. Is that a waterski movie? He's only seen one movie. He's seen that one.

Maybe I'll check it out. Santana. Santana. Santana was the original Woodstock and he's coming back for this one. Okay. Is he bringing Rob Thomas? Well, I hope so. We all do.

That song is really great. Wouldn't that be great if like how Ariana Grande brought out in Sink and Justin Bieber. Santana brings out Sean Anna and they just do a mini set in the middle. Any one of these guys could bring out Sean Anna. John Sebastian. Where the fuck is John Sebastian? Who the fuck is John Sebastian? He was the lead singer of the Leaven Spoonful, right?

Is that right? I believe so. Who gives a shit? He's going to be there. With Gabe Kaplan. With Gabe Kaplan. And John Travolta. The newly bald John Travolta.

Yeah, Vinnie Barberino. Dead and Company. This is the surviving members of the Grateful Dead, which didn't make it to the original Woodstock because they couldn't be bothered. They were too high. By the way, they loved that acid, man. They did. They loved that acid.

Who's the company, by the way? Is it John Mayer? It is. It just says Dead and Company. I assume it's the people in the office who are sort of running their merch. The company. Yes, yes. It's the company.

It's the corporate. It's Dead Incorporated. Yeah, it's the people from the back office. They're still cranking out those Jerry Garcia neckties. Neckties? Remember that? I don't. I have a Jerry Garcia necktie and a John Lennon necktie.

Oh, man. I have a Regis. You have a Regis necktie? Yeah. For when he was on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, you would wear those black shirts with a solid colored tie. Oh, no. Chromatic look.

A lobster look. I want to be a millionaire. I like that you dress like a gangster. Thank you. Yeah. When people picture me doing the show, I hope they know that I'm wearing a full suit with a Regis tie. And wingtips.

Wingtips shoes. And a Tommy gun. Yep. Country Joe McDonald. Yeah. What rights does that guy have still being alive? The fish aren't coming. The what?

Country Joe and the fish was his ban. Oh, yeah, you're right. The fish aren't coming. But what about fish? Is fish there? Fish is not there either. Well, that would be confusing. Country Joe and the fish, P-H-I-S-H would be a great job.

There you have it. That's a million dollar tour right there. Right there. If you play about a thousand shows. Come on, Trey Anastasio, if you're listening, stop soloing and put this together. Country Joe fell out with the fish, the F-I-S-H. And what I heard was that they wanted to get fish on the lineup for this, but he said that it would be confusing.

Oh, I see. They bowed down to big country Joe's demands. He was at the original Woodstock? Country Joe was. Absolutely. The fish were too? No, he was there with the fish. They sang, going up the country, man.

Going up the country. Going up the country. Going up the country. Going up the country. So far, I've not heard of at least three of the people you mentioned. Really? And yet I know Shaun. Exactly.

I think you know that song. Canned Heat is going to be there. Oh, yeah. Can't Heat sounds like a band that was at the original Woodstock, but I have not been able to confirm it. I believe they were. I cannot confirm nor deny. Can't confirm nor deny.

John Fogarty, I don't think he made it to the original. I don't think so. He didn't. He's creating? No. Well, this is an injustice. It's a complete. It's ridiculous.

And I got to tell you, like, I'm not. I'm not in great standing with the band at this time right now. Well, sir, they just sued the skis off of you. They sued me for my Na Sha Sha tour. And also they're very upset with me because I promised them that I would get them into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. That's right. We were talking about that.

The last time that you were here, were we not trying to get all of our fans of the show to sign a petition to get them at least nominated for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? My fans attempted to try and make this happen, but I don't think anything came of it. I believe I may have signed a petition. Did you really? To that effect. I think there was. Was it a whitehouse.gov petition?

I think it was. I think it may have been. See, that may not be the place to petition it, too. I don't know. I feel like it could be something they've inexplicably become passionate about. Is the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame a federal agency? It might be. Maybe it might be.

Is that a cabinet position? I do think Jan Wenner is like HUD secretary or something. He might be. Okay. That makes sense. All right. All right. So they did not get nominated this last year.

Listen to these losers that got inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I know the Cure is going in, right? The Cure, which has been ripping off Shawna enough from day one. What respect do you think they've been ripping off Shawna enough? Do this, man. Do this experiment. Okay. Go ahead.

Get one of your Cure records. 33 RPM. Hold on. Get a 33 RPM Cure record. All right. Okay. Which one did you get? I got 17 seconds.

Okay. Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me. Okay. Good.

Go ahead and put that on the turntable and crank it up to 45. Oh, okay. You're listening to Shawna now. Wow. Holy shit. That is Shawna now. Okay. That's all they did.

That's all. That's all that Robert Smith did. He just slowed everything down. He just slowed everything down. Just slow it down. Yeah, man. You're right. Show me.

Show me. Show me. How do you do that trick? What I'm saying is the opposite of what you're doing. I know. No, I'm taking a Shawna now song and slowing you down. You're taking a Cure song and slowing you down. I misunderstood.

I misunderstood. You got to speed that up. Speed. Now you're listening to the Shawna now. Got it. Got it. You know. Show me.

Show me. Show me. How do you do that trick? Oh, man. The one that makes me scream. That's good stuff. Oh, well. It's garbage when they do it.

When you say garbage, you mean like garbage? The band. Who should be? Shirley Benson. Yeah. Who should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I don't think so. I don't think any of Charles Manson's children should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

I don't think Charles Manson doesn't show up, by the way. To the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. No, to this show. Yeah. I mean, the last time I saw him, he was a ghost and he creeps me out. Ghost of Charles Manson. He is one of the previous guests. I know.

I hope he doesn't show up. All right. In any case. Yeah. So you're upset about these two things. Roxy Music. You said Roxy Music got in. You're not happy about that.

Never heard of them. Radiohead. Radiohead didn't even fucking show up. And when I heard the radiohead was not going to fucking show up at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony, I just got on the phones and I say, how many phones do you have? In my house? I got a boiler room downstairs.

Really? With a switchboard? Yeah. I've got a switchboard down there. For stocks or for what? Well, I originally set it up just to like phone bank to get people calling Shanana to ask them to give me another shot of being in the van. Right.

So you're going down to Home Depot and hiring day laborers. I gave them a script. You know, I gave them a script. Sure. Of course. Yeah. Do you have Final Draft? How did you type this script?

Oh, no. I had a hand write it. Oh, okay. I don't have a computer. I'm looking for someone with Final Draft to, you know, authorize me on a computer. Really? Yeah. I'm authorized on too many computers.

I can't write anymore on my new one. I have a solution for you. Well, I'll tell you all fair. Okay. Thanks. But anyway, yeah. I cranked up the phone banks one more time to try and get the Rock and Roll. Just stay like, okay, I get it.

Radiohead is being inducted. I understand. You do understand. You've heard of them. You haven't heard of Roxy Music, but you know Radiohead. No, I only heard of them because when I heard that they were not going to perform at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, I said, I know who will perform. So you hadn't heard of Roxy Music because they were going to perform?

Uh-huh. I've never heard of any of these people. Right. I heard of the Zombies and Zombies. Oh, sure. Yeah. They belong in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Absolutely.

Odyssey and Oracle. Unbelievable record. Yeah, definitely. And they can get right behind Shana and I in line. Wow. That was one good record. Anyway. So you heard about Radiohead.

I said, I get it. They're being inducted. Nobody's arguing with that. But when it comes time for them to play, they're not going to be there. Sure. So what is? Raise the curtain and it's Shana and I. Shana.

Singing Radiohead? It's singing. Well, my suggestion was they start a Radiohead song. Got it. You can pick it. Any Radiohead song you want. High and dry. Shana and I would crush whatever that song is.

Don't leave me high. Oh, that sounds perfect. Yeah, it would be something like that. Sounds perfect. Yeah, that sounds perfect. That's right for harmonies. Yeah. So they do about a half, maybe a half of a Radiohead song.

Okay. Bang, slam. Are they pretending to be Radiohead? Are they dressed as Radiohead? Are they carrying instruments? I think, well, they do carry instruments. Remember as a Shana and I? Sure.

They were just singers. But I mean Radiohead's instruments. Do they have the whole set up there? Do they have the back line that Radiohead uses? This is how I pictured it. I think they're lit from behind. Oh, okay. And there's a fog machine.

So people think it's Radiohead. That's right. Nobody knows. No one knows. They're like, we heard Radiohead was not playing. Right. But the curtain comes up and somebody starts singing a better version of a Radiohead song than Radiohead ever played in their lives.

Right. And they're like, what happened to Radiohead? How'd they become so great? How'd they become so great? And then bang, up come the lights. Now we see the band. There's a bang. Straight into, dip, doo, doo, dip, wah.

Pyrotechnics. Sure. Oh, okay. So flash pots go off. Yes. And the crowd, which has been standing there going, okay, Radiohead sounds better than usual. I'm into this.

Now all of a sudden goes, holy fucking shit. It's Shana. No. With John Bowser Bowman is reunited with them. No, Bowser. No, he's out. Oh, he's out. Well, Bowser's, he left the band a long time ago, guys.

Let me ask you a question. The band is doing better than it is. Well, yeah. But I mean, for their rock and roll induction, Hall of Fame induction, he would show up. He would show up, wouldn't he? Well, look, I mean, is there bad blood? I mean, Plant and Page, I think, got together to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and they hate each other.

You guys, this is, we should be so lucky to have these problems that Shana and I has to work out the lineup for their performance when they get inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. We should be so lucky. We can't give up because let's be honest. Yeah. Bon Jovi has been eligible for induction for the last 10 years. Has not received it.

Yeah. He received it last year. Oh, he did. Okay. Last year they got in. And he was sore about it as well. He was really griping about it. Wherever John Bon Jovi is right now.

He's complaining about how long it took him to get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Yeah. So, I mean, it can still happen. I mean, Shana and I, look, they've been around for 50 some odd years. The zombies just got in this year. Yeah. I mean. It can absolutely still happen.

And I don't know if I mentioned this last time I was here, but they wrote a song. Shana and I wrote a song called The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. You did mention this. Yes. Years. You constantly mentioned this. Years before the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was established. They were not, so they created the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

They created the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Oh, this is bullshit. Yeah. There should be a statue of them like Magic Johnson outside the Staples Center. There should be like a bronze statue of Shana and I as you enter the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Well, it's funny you should say that because I proposed that to the members of Shana and I, and my suggestion was that they pose for it and you carve it. Well, that's what I said.

No, I said that they should like cover themselves in bronze makeup and whatever and pose. And then go do like a robot kind of thing. Like a front? Yeah. Pose in front of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. And people are going to walk up going, oh, it's a statue. And then suddenly they have a whistle in their mouth and it goes, yes, yes. And then they go, do, do, do, do, wow.

Yeah. And then they break out into some of their songs. Break out into some of their songs. And then that would be the inspiration. You know why they would never, you know why the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame would never let that happen? Why? Because nobody would enter the venue.

Everybody would crowd around Shana. That's right. They'd be like, Shana is outside giving a free concert. Like the Beatles on the rooftop. They are distraction from the reality and they would shut it down. No entry fees into the museum. I heard that when the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony is happening, whether in New York or in Cleveland, which sometimes it is as well.

The members of Shana Na are on a no fly list. Whoa. They are not allowed to travel to those states. Not allowed. So they're actively, they're not just saying. They are Shana Na. Nailed it. Shana.

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Na. Na. Na. Na. Na. Na. Na. Na.

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By the end of it's A Song... by the end of it's A Song... by the end of it's A Song... by the end of it's A Song... by the end of ... Waiter, is this something that you're actively trying to bring about? Have you heard of this theory? On the Reddit?

In the message board? This is more than a theory, gentlemen. Hot dog. Wait, are you trying to bring about the rapture by getting Shana and I into the rock and roll? Guys, I really did not think we were going to get this far into it today at all. I thought, mainly we were going to talk about Woodstock. Because that is also a concern. Because they got to get it.

Because look, let me just say real quick about that one subject. Yeah, before we get into the rapture. Woodstock tickets. Let's get to something a little more grounded. Woodstock tickets in 2019 are not selling well at all. Well, they're not even available yet. They're not available yet. They're like, so that schedule to even put them on for sale.

The main impediment is that they're not on sale. Yeah, but it's not looking good. Everybody's like, wow, how come these tickets aren't available yet? It's very suspicious. And the reason is because everybody's sitting there going, when are you going to announce the time slot for Shana and I? Okay, now can we move on to the rapture? So you're telling me, if they in fact get into the rock and roll hall of fame,

that will be the first, that will be the first domino falling in all of their song titles coming true. And thereby the apocalypse happened? Earth Angel being the next one, thus Angels will appear on Earth or all Earthlings become Angels? All Earthlings become Angels, I don't know. Or do the Angels come down with fiery swords? It means that the Angels will come to Earth.

It also means that the Angels will all be teens because of Teen Angel. Oh, so many Angels! It also means that finally revealed unto the world will be the Book of Love. What? Oh, man! The fiery Book of Love. The fiery Book of Love. Preach, hot dog, preach! It also means that we will finally meet the Duke of Earl.

What? Oh, no. The Duke of Earl? He sounded scary. The Duke of Earl will descend upon the Earth. Oh, no. Yes indeed, as Ford told by Shana and I. Oh, God.

And also everyone, every single man, woman, and child on Earth will get a job. Oh, no. By the way, full employment, that's pretty good. Yeah, but wait a minute, what is this job? But how many people are left? Is this job something like, you know, working for Satan or licking his balls or something like that? Working licking his balls? I don't know.

Licking Satan's balls? Yeah. I don't know if I would call that a job. Do you consider it a hobby? That's a bad thing. Are you getting paid for it? Is there a union? Do I have to fire my agents?

But yeah, every single person on Earth will get a job and what that job is will be up to Shana and I. Wow. Wow. So are Shana, I'm so confused. Are Shana and I the agents of good or bad? Are they representing the holy or the... You're very, always very concerned upon which... I want to know who to align with.

I want to know who to align with. I wonder who hot dog is aligned with. Obviously with Shana and I. I'm absolutely aligned with Shana and I. Sure, trying to be the architect of all of this. Yes, yes. Do you think if you can get them into the Rock and Roll Hall, if I'm bringing about the rapture, they will finally accept you into the group? That is exactly what I think.

What? Yes, I am conspiring against humanity to get Shana and I. Against humanity, there's our answer. Against humanity. Against humanity. Shana and I are ducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame so that I can finally join the band which they have promised me will happen. And thereby become one of these spiritual figures that rules the Earth? Yes, that's exactly right.

When you tried to audition for Shana and I, did they say, we'll only take you if you're the last man on Earth? Well, yeah, I mean, they said that to me many times. And that's what you're trying to make happen. And so, yeah, I said, well, guys, let's talk about this. Let's sketch that out. What does that look like? I think, Jason, can I talk to you a second? Yeah, I'm right here, buddy. You guys got to have a conversation. Yeah, man.

Yeah, I think we're going to have a conversation. I'm going to read up on that. I brought an issue of water skiing weekly, so I'll just read that one. Weekly publication for water skiers everywhere. Every week. Well, sometimes they miss a week, but go ahead. That is a thick magazine. It is.

That is, yeah, it's like a Bible. They don't do it on a Christmas. Go ahead. Okay, well, that's good to know. I think Hot Dog's evil. Hey, man, I think this is a bad news situation. I think that he's on the side of Dandamelo. We cannot get them into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

No, we have to active all those people. The White House.gov petition that we signed. I can't believe this is shocking. I always thought Hot Dog was one of those guys. I thought he was benign and just one of the more genial characters. We've met some real monsters before. Sure, but we always thought Hot Dog was. This guy seemed like a real lovely gent.

I mean, other than wanting to serve his penis to Mitt Romney, I haven't eaten it. I mean, those are just like quirks. Oh, man, there were so many specifics I forgot. But I've always felt that Hot Dog was like a relatively good guy who was on the side of humanity. And now we see he's actively working against us. We should have known.

Look at the way he's licking his finger to turn the page. Oh, it's disgusting. Hey, guys, I don't know what you guys are talking about, but check this out. Alex Luther just broke the world record distance for a waterski. Oh, very cool, Hot Dog. Very cool. Pretty cool.

Yeah, keep reading. 2,200 miles. Yeah, tell us. I wonder if it'll be easier or harder to waterski on the Earth's oceans when they are boiling and full of blood, Hot Dog. I'm thinking easier. Okay, well, he can't argue. He's really thought it through.

I mean, I guess it'll cook the meat that he's eating on and make it more hard. Fantastically delicious, yeah. Well, Hot Dog, I don't, Jason, actually, can you keep reading about that, Jason? Yeah, I haven't had to keep reading, but I just got a sidebar. You guys are telling all your listeners

to get on that petition, right? Oh, sure, yeah, that's exactly. We want to do that privately. We have to have that petition taken down. We have to have that petition taken down. We have to incapacitate our accomplices and bring us about the end of time. We need to stop him.

I don't know whether it's you and I can do it or... I don't know. We're going to need help on this, but we simply don't have time. We might need, no, I think we have to. We need help on this. Maybe we can get an accomplice. Sure.

Who's someone in the past that hunts monsters that could maybe like come in here? Do we have one of those? Yeah, like a real monster hunter type person who like... Do you remember what that person's name is? Well, I mean, someone who goes out there looking for monsters, scours the earth looking for monsters, and assassinates them.

Hey guys, Salvatore Florio lost his spotter. Oh, really? Yeah. That's incredible. So does that mean he's kind of vulnerable now to like sharks and any other things? Very much so. I mean, he's got to get another spotter.

There's climate change affecting the water skiing out there hot dog? Oh, yeah, it's affecting you. Put it in a good way. In a good way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The oceans are getting a little more hot. Yeah, yeah, that's better.

But generally better for water skiing. Yeah. This guy is pure evil. I'm going to go back to read my magazine. Okay. Okay. Okay, I thought of someone. Someone who goes around fighting monsters.

Yeah. The guy we were talking about before, the western poet guy. Oh, Dalton Lindbox? Yeah, he was... Oh, he was definitely part of the good guys. Well, well, well. Goddamn city slicker. You conjured him.

Oh, my God, he's here for the 10th anniversary. Dalton. Somebody said my name. Oh, is that all that takes just... Really? Well, it depends on the context, but in this particular context, I believe you gentlemen, we're talking about the great war between good and evil. Yes, we were.

And when my name is invoked in that context, I can't appear. Also, we were maybe getting the title wrong of what you actually do. We were saying western poet. Is that what you... Poet Laureate of the West, I believe. Well, goodbye, motherfucker. Poet Laureate of the West, we need you. I just...

We can't remember. How dare you forget. We need clarification. I am the goddamn poet laureate of the West. Yeah, that's what I said. Poet Laureate of the West. That's literally what I said. I think I keep saying Old West.

No, you do. No, it is the Old West and the New West. It is the West. The modern West. It's the West. It is the West of all times. I am also the foremost chronicler and collector of the wisdom of the West. That's my other tip.

I'm not going to lie, Scott. Hot dog looks nervous. Yeah. Who's this motherfucker? Who's this? This is a hot dog. Piece of shit over here. Dalton, this is hot dog.

This is hot dog. This is hot dog. This is hot dog. This is hot dog. This is hot dog. How's it going, man? My name is hot dog. My name is Dalton Wilcox.

Hot dog. And it's going fine. Hot dog here is a famous water skier who is... What is water skiing? You know what? I'm not going to lie. I'm just going to cut straight to the chase here. Yeah, Dalton.

Dalton, we called for you because hot dog is trying to bring about the end times so that he can get into popular 50s-era doo-wop singing group Shana Na. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Who will become Lords of the Earth? Is this Shana Na prophecy? When you first said that hot dog is trying to bring about the end times, I thought I was about to laugh it off like, well, a lot of people are trying to bring about the end

times. Of course. Of course. I hear about that all the time. That's no big deal. But then when you uttered those three syllables. Well, two syllables. Shana Na.

One repeated. Well, I consider that as wrong with you. How many syllables does the word banana have? Oh, boy. Banana? That means this, okay? Let's not go down to minions. I thought you meant three unique syllables.

No, I would have said three unique syllables. Let's not get sidetracked on syllables. The fate of the free world is in our hands. Yeah. I mean, I still think we have about a year until the next rock and roll of fame. I don't know what depressing. Oh, well, that's a decent point. I don't know when's this episode coming out?

Yeah. Well, when you said that, I said, holy shit, this shit is serious because I'm very intimately familiar with the Shana Na prophecy. Are you out there on the message boards? I'm always reading up on any threats to humanity. I'm very, very concerned with evil, and with Satan, and with monsters, and as you know, vampires, mummies, and crocodiles. Sure, yeah.

That's your main bailiwick, but... Oh, mainly. Because it's your duty to protect Mother Earth, right? Oh, yes. Sweet, beautiful Mother Earth. Yeah, that you have a very intimate relationship with. You're talking about how sometimes I'll fuck a hole in the ground? Yeah, I believe you are.

That's what I was alluding to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, sometimes you just pour a little water in the hole in the ground. Sure. Now, we know all of the details of how it's done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you just fuck it. Have you ever tried coconut oil?

Put some coconut oil on the ground? Or coconut water. Coconut water, you know? Well, that sounds like fancy cities licking the bullshit. Oh, I'm sorry. I apologize. Oh, lift up your canteen, pour some water in there. Fuck it.

Cry it out loud. God damn spa day. Sorry. Jesus Christ. But look, hot dog over here, who's still reading his magazine, by the way. He's thankfully just really in deep in what looks like product reviews. Yeah, it's a lot of product reviews for plastic bags to keep your camera in. Right, right.

Dry bags. And ropes, yeah, dry bags and whatnot, and water ski waxes. There's over 87 different brands of water ski waxes. Oh, someone who does not currently own water skis. I'm wondering why you are looking at all the accoutrements. Well, I'm aspiring to get my hands on another pair of water skis. Sure. Sure.

When I do. By the way, I bet once everybody ascends to heaven, there'll be plenty of loose water skis just around. But I wonder if he needs those water skis before this actually happens for any purpose. Oh, are they part of it? Oh, what are you talking about? Part of it. Part of the prophecy?

Part of the Shanana prophecy. The Shanana prophecy? Yeah. Yeah, sure. Is that why they sued you for the water skis? Is that... Trying to take away your power? Trying to make sure that you are not one of the immortal lords that rules the earth?

Yeah, they're a little concerned because... Well, you know who else walked on water? Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ did. That's the issue. So the Shanana guys believe that water skiers are sort of modern Christ. And they would ascend higher than them? And that we become a great battle between the water walkers, the modern geniuses, modern

Jesuses. The modern geniuses. The modern Jesuses. The modern Jesuses is a great band name. Yeah, as is water walkers. And versus Shanana. And they're afraid that that's a great war. And you know, little do they know that I've been a spy inside the modern Jesuses all this

time. Whoa. And I've been trying, you know, I'm trying to make sure that there's a big water skiing convention on the day of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Oh, wow. Look at all the water skiers. Dalton, Dalton, are you hearing this? I'm hearing it.

I don't really understand it because nobody answered my first question. What is water skiing? Oh, well... Modern Jesuses. Now do you understand? It's when somebody is towed behind a boat that is going fast enough and they have skis on their feet that they raise up out of the water and are allowed to skim along the surface of the water at a speed that allows them to essentially walk on water much like our Lord

and Savior, Jesus Christ. These can be either skis or meat. They can be. Yeah. Although only one person has used meat. Okay. And you're looking at him. I'm looking at...

You have got? No, no, no. A hot dog over here and then you looked at me. Then I looked at you. Okay. Before I was looking at him. Yeah, you were. You have skied on the water on meat?

Yeah, that's right. I was the first person ever to do it. And the last, as far as I know. That's right. Nobody else has ever tried it. Can you believe that? Primarily because you were saying like sharks and whales started eating the meat. It's extremely dangerous.

I mean, it's basically an invitation to the sharks. That's how they interpreted it. So Dalton hot dog here may end up ruling over all of us if the Shanana prophecy happens. And he has this water skiing. Well, I don't know. But I think I would be the low man on the Shanana totem pole at that point. If you brought about, if you brought this about, wouldn't they reward you handsomely? Oh man.

I never thought of that. You'd sort of be the Shanana Antichrist in a way. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. I can't wait for this to happen. This sounds really, really great. Dalton, do something.

Well, I'm hearing all this. Brother, this is a tough one. I think I'm going to give up. You're going to give up? Dalton. Dalton. What? You're a coward?

Dalton, what? Just me all alone. Last time I took on the forces of evil, I had a whole list of good guys on my corner. Yeah, but there's only one bad guy over here. It's just this guy hot dog. How am I going to defeat this son of a bitch? Well, I mean, you have. You know what?

We have a year. We have a year. Until the next Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction. Yeah. So if you want to formulate some sort of a plan, I don't know whether you, I mean, I think a waterski through the heart might do it, but I know you don't have a waterski. Would that kill you hot dog, a waterski through the heart? I think a waterski through the heart would kill just about anybody.

I mean, I think anything through the heart, really. If you put anything through the heart, it would kill a person. Yeah, probably. I mean, that's probably true. A frozen hot dog? A frozen hot dog. Well, man, that would be a hell of a way to go. I wouldn't even object to that.

Is that how you prefer to go out? I'd love to go out. Yeah. Would you prefer to be killed by a frozen hot dog bullet or a waterski through the heart? Oh, a frozen hot dog bullet. That's perfect. Yeah. Like mixed with a little silver, but with like a hot dog casing.

You're saying I have one year to formulate a hot dog into a bullet. Yep. To forge that, you know. That heady mix of meats and natural casings. And silver. Gentlemen, challenge accepted. Thank you. Yes.

I'm going to spend it between now and the next rock and roll hall of fame induction, making a hot dog into a bullet that I can fire no offense at you. Fire, you got to fire it from a gun that looks like a bun, though. Yeah, a bun gun. A bun gun. A bun gun, yeah. A gun gun, a bun gun. A bun gun.

We got to get a bun. Okay. So you're to-do listing. Okay, all right. I'm going to write this shit down. God damn it. A bun gun. A hot dog bullet.

Because you don't know where you're going to need to like, we don't know where you're going to find a hot dog. You might smuggle it in somewhere. Yeah, it has to be safe. It might be you have to have it on an airplane. Plus hot dog needs to, I think it would be almost like an enticement to him of like, he would let down his defenses and be like, oh, a hot dog, my namesake. Yeah.

And that would be the perfect time to strike. Don't listen to this hot dog, by the way. I have not been listening for a little while. I just checked my phone and I will say that since we started talking, the petition to get Shana and I into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has exploded. Oh, Jesus. Oh, no. People are signing it by the thousands.

People are signing it. We, okay. These are the forces of evil. This is real. This is real. This is really happening. This is really, this is not a drill. 2020 may be the last year that we know it on earth.

Yeah. Well, that would be sad because I have a pretty big plan for 2021. Oh, yeah. What do you got? I'm writing my third book. Oh, well. What was the second book? Damn it.

The second book. We all know the first one, of course. Yes. Do not call your wife. No, it's you're more than welcome to have a wife. What is it now? It's the first book. The first book was do not call your wife a horse.

You must buy more jewelry. These guesses are terrible. Just tell us that. This is many years ago. Yeah. You must buy your wife at least as much jewelry as you buy your horse and other poems and observations, humorous and otherwise from a life on the range. The follow-up book was.

Buy Dalton Wilcox. You forgot that part. Yeah, buy Dalton Wilcox. The follow-up book was you must still buy your wife at least as much jewelry as you buy your horse and additional poems and observations from a life still being lived on the range. Buy Dalton Wilcox. Buy Dalton Wilcox. Who wrote the first book by Dalton Wilcox?

Yeah. So what will the third one be called? I believe I did leave out some words and it's quite common when people tell you the title of their book that they forget some of the words of it. Sure. War piece. It's a very long title, so it's okay. It's not that long a title.

I understand. Not that long a title. That's pretty long. No. But I'm going to write the third book. This one's. Do you have a title? Yeah.

Working title at least? I do. I have a working title and it is if you thought you were done buying at least as much jewelry for your wife as you buy your horse, you are sorely mistaken and other poems and observations from a life that believe it or not is still being lived on the range by Dalton Wilcox who wrote the first book and the second book and has now written the third book by Dalton Wilcox. By Dalton Wilcox.

Of course. Wow. I cannot wait to read that. Is this available for pre-orders? Yeah. That's available for pre-orders on Amazon. Okay. And that's going to get you enough money to actually write it.

I do need people to pre-order it so that I can write it. Yeah. You're just going to have to take my word for it. There's going to be words and stuff. And also, I guess be looking out for you to kill hot dog at some point within the next calendar. This has added some personal stakes. You want your book to come out in 2021.

So this time it's personal. You guys are as direct as it happens. Yeah. I've got to get a bun gun and I've got to get a hot dog bullet and I've got to shoot this son of a bitch straight through the heart. And that's my year. Can I ask hot dog a quick question? Surely.

Hot dog. Is your heart where normal people- Why did you say surely? You answer for hot dog? I'm just saying I will seed the microphone. Oh. Hot dog. Is your heart where traditionally-

You guys are sharing a microphone. Traditionally. Like spring seed. Yeah. And little seed. And little seed. And little seed. And little seed.

All right. Is your heart where people's heart is traditionally? Why should I tell you that? Oh, boy. That would be a tactical error because I don't think this guy's going to be able to make more than one hot dog bullet. You better guess right, you son of a bitch. Uh-oh.

Oh. So hot dog could be some sort of like- I don't know. Mutant anomaly. Maybe I had my heart moved because I knew that something like this was going to happen. Wow. That's smart. That is amazing.

That's diabolic. Well, I look forward to this confrontation in about a year. I'm pretty good at finding people's hearts. I think I'll be all right. I think maybe- You have touched my heart numerous times with your poems. With my poems. Yes.

You have touched the hearts of our listeners, both of you have. And I think by the time episode 650 comes around, it'll be about time for- The last episode. About a year will have elapsed. Probably the final episode of this podcast. I doubt it. And for humanity. Yeah.

Well, it could be. Yeah. So six. Yeah. Okay. You're talking about episode 650 when I should come back and give you a progress report on my efforts. Well, that'll be around the time when the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is happening.

So I think that'll be a good time to do this. Well, let's just open our calendars. What's good for you guys? Currently- We do have trouble scheduling. So maybe this would be a good idea. It may take as long as that in order to get us in the same room again. Well, I'll say for my part, I hope that it takes you guys a real long time to schedule

it because it's the longer it takes and longer I have to live and fulfill the prophecy. You know, Hot Dog, I've never looked at you like this before. What do you mean, man? I just always thought you were a carefree, happy look. Go like you got a grandfatherly presence on the show. Yeah, yeah. Hey, this Friday night, you guys want to come out to Bob's Big Boy for a classic car show? Sure.

All right. Let's do it. I don't know. What does he mean? I just want to hang out with him. He's so great. He's so nice. We only have like six more months.

Yeah. Probably. We just definitely found out he does. Yeah, but it's fun to Bob's Big Boy. A classic car show. Jay Leno going to be there. Jay Leno sometimes stops by. Yeah.

It depends whether he's got, you know. All right. Sometimes he's driving an old-timey fire truck. And he's like, he has something. Yeah. Sometimes he's got a gig at Morongo. But if not, he's trying to make it out to the Bob's Big Boy. All right.

I think we all have our marching orders. All right. I'm glad that you guys came and we could find this out on the 10th anniversary show. This is momentous. We've been talking to you. 10th anniversary of what? Woodstock? Oh, boy.

Oh, no. No, no, no, man. This is the 50th anniversary of Woodstock. You guys are going to be arts enemies here in a second. I don't know. Dalton, did you go to Woodstock? You got to be goddamn kidding me. I went to Woodstock 99 to try and.

Oh, sure. Shoot some. To try to break stuff as Limp Bizkit said. Well, I know. I just figured there's going to be a lot of monsters. Yeah. I did. Will.

Did you get a shot at Fred Durst? I don't know who that is, but I killed 19 vampires. Oh, wow. Woodstock 99. Uh-oh. I think I read something about that. Yeah. Well, guys, thank you.

Dalton, thank you for appearing when we summoned you. It's amazing that you came, you know, in the battle between good and evil continues. It's my pleasure. And you just look, I had pants on because if you'd done it 15 minutes ago, I would not have. You were somewhere out there on the range. I was out there on the range. You're lucky I finished up as fast as I did.

Okay. Well, thanks, Dalton. So good to see you. My pleasure. And hot dog. Yeah. So look, people should sign the petition to get Shana and I to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

No, please do not sign the petition. We are respectfully asking people not to. And please get in touch with whoever's planning that goddamn Woodstock and tell them like, you know, you can't have a Woodstock without Shana and I. You can't do it. That I do agree with. That I do agree. Yeah.

And that is instruments, a big part of the plan to get them inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall. Oh, wait a minute. Get them on stage at Woodstock Saturday night. Everybody's going to be grooving to all the old songs. And then they're going to demand that Rock and Roll Hall of Fame recognize Shana and I. Okay.

Well, hot dog. Great to see you. Thank you so much for dropping by. Great to see you guys. Yeah. And Jason. Scotty. It's so great to see you.

Happy anniversary, Fanny. Happy anniversary to you. I don't know why I just said that. It's not your anniversary, but... Great job. You've done amazing work. Thanks, buddy. And you're such a big part of it.

Thank you for letting me be a part of it. Thank you for letting me be a part of it for all these 10 years. Absolutely. And I'll see you on episode 650 and not before then. Absolutely. All right. All right. Oh, wow.

So good to see those three again. And what a momentous occasion that will be. Episode 650. That's merely a year away. And wow, the battle between good and evil continues amazing. Well, speaking of good and evil, I have no idea if someone evil is about to show up, but I hope it's someone good. I guess if there's someone else that...

Well, who's this that's opening the door here? I can... Did someone open the door? I mean, I don't see anyone. Chest high. Psst. I hear some sort of a... Scaldric.

Oh my... I hear... I believe the voice of Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber or Andrew Lord Webber. Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber. We've been over this many, many times. But I don't see him. I'm accustomed to seeing him approximately... Not at exactly eye level to be.

I believe I see his hairline at my eye level, but... Scaldric, how am I doing, by the way? My hairline is... It's all right. Where are you? Scaldric. Lord Webber, I don't see you. Scaldric, I pray you look down.

I'm not sure if I should look down. I mean... Don't drag this out more than it already has been drugged. This is extremely embarrassing. Is this some sort of a Ashton Kutcher punk situation? If I look down... I don't know who or what that is. I don't think a lot of people do anymore.

All right, look, I will tilt my chin downwards. And my eye gaze shall... The one time I beg of you to look down on me. Oh, my goodness. Lord Webber, you're approximately two feet high now. Yes, it's true. It's true. And it's mortifying.

How and why and where and who and when did this happen? The reporter's questions. I will answer your questions in the order I feel most comfortable with, as is my want, as a peer of the realm. Did you know that I composed a musical called Cats? I think that's one of the top things that people know about you. When they think of Andrew Lloyd Webber, Cats is right up there.

You know, could be number one with a bullet. I mean, Phantom, that's maybe number one. Maybe two is Cats. Starlight Express is three. Yeah, baby, shut up. So you are aware. Of course. I mean, Cats was the longest running show on Broadway.

Yes, and will be again and will be for all time. I don't know about that. We shall see at the end of all things. When Gabriel's holy trumpet is blown and the roll is called up yonder. Do you think that's one of the things St. Peter will be checking off when people get to heaven is did you see Cats on Broadway? I should hope so. I should hope at least it's noted that it was the longest running theatrical production.

So maybe St. Peter will be saying, did you know that it is the longest running theatrical production on Broadway? No, no, no. I don't think he's going to ask it as if he's doing some fun facts, as if he's peacocking at a singles bar, trying to pick up a lady. Do you think anyone would use that particular bit of trivia to pick up a lady? If they want to have sexual relations then yes. Well, yes, I do know about Cats.

Yes, you do know about Cats. And I do hope that St. Peter will end the end of all things when the apocalypse has come and the righteous are wrapped up into heaven. I hope that when all that is taken care of all the logistics are over with that St. Peter will say, and I am pleased to announce Cats was the longest running theatrical performance of all time. And then all the angels will applaud. Do angels have hands?

I don't know. Do they have feet? Of course they do. I mean, they don't need the feet, right? Beautiful golden curls. I guess they need the hands to play the harps. See, that makes sense. But the feet, they don't need them anymore.

No, they don't need them, but it would be strange if they didn't have them. Well, when you're floating around in the clouds, do you think people kick their legs like they're swimming or something? I think that's exactly what happens. I mean, plus with the robes and all that, you know, I'd be afraid of people looking up your robe. I think very critical of God's plan. As Drake said.

Did he say that? Well, he said God's plan. I'm not sure of the lyrics before it. Look, of course I know Cats, and of course it will be the longest running Broadway musical of all time. Of course it shall. Congratulations. That still does not explain how you arrived at your current height.

We'd gotten so used to it that I'm only two feet tall. Well, as you know, as you should know, they are finally making a silver screen adaptation of my musical Cats based on Old Possum's book of Practical Cats by the deceased T.S. Eliot. That's right. It's coming out this Christmas, I believe. You must be so excited. I'm very excited, first of all, in your face, T.S. Eliot.

He never got a movie made out of his poem. No one can. Who can? Who can, but I? Here's what I call T.S. Eliot. Too song-less. Too sad. Too sad.

Eliot. Too sad, Eliot. Eliot. Phone home and say, that Floyd Webber has made something better than I could ever make. Ouch. I'll be right here in Nowhere'sville. Oh, good.

All the E.T. catchphrases. E.T., the additional terrestrial. The additional terrestrial. Does he get money from your show, by the way? Disney gets no money from the show. Disney. Is that what you said? Is that what you said?

No, I said, does he? T.S. Eliot. Oh. Because he was in the public domain? Please, dear boy, he's popped his clogs. I mean, the estate of T.S. Eliot. He's gone over. I mean, if...

Cancel all engagement, darling. He is canceled. T.S. Eliot, canceled. From life. Well, that's too bad if his family doesn't receive any money from not only the silver screen adaptation, but the Broadway show. I mean, that's quite a bit of change that could have gone into their pockets. Indeed, but I don't know if Old Possum's book of Practical Cats

counts as something that you could get royalties from. Why? He wrote it. And you... Many people. Scottrick, I'm glad we're talking about this finally. Many people criticize cats. My cats.

As just a parade of characters. Announcing who they are and their attributes. And then singing. And then singing about them. And then singing about them. And then they fuck right off. Right. And then they all get up onto a tire at the end and they float off into...

Not all of them. Just the one. Just the one. Oh, because she dies? She's... I don't know. I have no idea. She's at the end of her life or something.

Okay. I've seen it and I don't recall. Right. Now imagine that's a book. Right. Imagine there's no singing, no dancing. And you just... You're just reading.

You're just reading a book where Rom Tum Tugger says, Here's me. I'm Rom Tum Tugger. Hello, everyone. A few things about me. I'm very contrary. You say one thing, I say the other. Goodbye.

Next chapter. And this is broken up into chapters. It's the first book. The first book that was deemed unworthy of retaining rights. Okay. Because no one would ever use it as a springboard for anything. There's no... There's nothing to springboard.

He doesn't deserve any money for it. Okay. I don't know that that's true. Otherwise you could have written your own thing about cats. And it... That's not what I do. Well, Starlight Express, of course. Starlight Express was not based on anything.

No. A dream I once had. Were you dreaming about the roller skates or the train or people making up a train? I was dreaming of a train on rolling skates. And was it going through a tunnel? Do you know, Scottrick, shut up. Do you know it's very sad that so many vehicles will never experience the joy of roller skating? Think about that.

That's too sad, Elliot. Like angels, they don't have feet. And so how are they to roller skate? That's true. Moment of silence for them. Please. That's enough. Barely had time to affix my poppy to my ermine cape.

So, yes, I know about cats. And I know the movie is coming out. This still does not answer my question. I'm getting to it, dear boy. I'm getting to it. The bladder is in the journey, not in the destination. Ah, that is true. Well, I'm enjoying this.

So, but let's see if this destination actually ever arrives. Let's see if this destination ever arrives. Do you understand anything about physics? Not a lot. Other than, of course, if you hit something, an equal opposite reaction, is that what it is? Yes. So you hit me with that ridiculous sentence. And I hit you back with an epic clap back.

Oh, man. I am going to be taken down. Are you going to dunk on me? Denise, you are at my wedding. I still try to know you still keep up with memes. Of course I do. I love memes. Or memes, as they are.

More correctly pronounced. Take that. So. Too slow. Too slow, Elliot. Gotta go. Gotta go, Elliot. So, in order to bring the stage production to the cinema, what they have done is they

have come up with this technology. It's a computer and it generates an image. And the idea is that it will take act all. You're talking about CGI? Is that a computer generated image? Oh, I say that's a time saver. Yeah, that is, yeah. Ever since Terminator 2, the judgment day, I believe it was.

That's a time adder. I believe they created it for that movie or the Michael Jackson. Oh boy, let's not talk about him. Black and white video. Will you see my new production time adder? It's about a snake who controls time. I might. I might.

How long is the show? It's approximately three hours, no attribution. Oh dear. It's a real Avengers end game. P before you walk in there, otherwise you might miss Thanos snap. It's very important that that film be three hours because these things actually happened, I'm assuming. I don't know that it's a historical document of actual events.

I just assumed with a running time of three hours, there was nothing they could cut from the story because the story all happened. Well, there's a lot of characters they got to meet. I haven't seen it yet. It's out by now. How the duck. Well, he was at the end of Guardians of the Galaxy, so maybe he gets in there. Why didn't they show him turning into pepper when everyone else did at the end of that one?

Did she say turning into pepper? Yes, everyone looked like they turned into pepper. I don't know that it's pepper. I thought they were like sort of ashes that were blowing away. Is that what you thought? This is what I thought. Well, you're incorrect. It was pepper.

You think like the opposite of Lot's wife, everyone just turned into pepper? Exactly. I assumed it was a biblical illusion and also tipping that to Marco Polo. I think there would be confusion with Pepper Potts, you know? I mean, she'd be like, hey, why didn't it happen to me? How many people are named pepper? I think three. Including the fictional Pepper Potts?

Yes. And then two real people. It would be a fun name to have. It'd be a fun name to give. Better to give than to receive. Okay, thank you. I will be known as Pepper. All right.

So, computer generated images. Yes. And going to take the actuals and computerally shrink them down to the size of cats. So, when you see them on the screen, you're seeing the world through the eyes of cats. Everything will be sized as to a cat's perspective. I see. So, all the actors will be approximately two feet high and we'll see them, you know, in the garbage can, which is twice as big as them with fish bones in it and all that.

Oh, you've got it, Pepper. Those garbage cans will be overflowing with fish bones. I hope so. Everywhere you look, rubbish bins piled high with the skeletons of fish. Will other famous cats be in this movie? I think if you have a movie called Cats, it can't just be about your cats. It's all cats, right? This was not my wish, but I exceeded the producer's demand that famous cats shall be seen in cameos.

Much like Stanley. So, just one of the cats will be on the train and then they'll look to their left and Garfield will be there. Every cat, there'll be many famous cats. Anytime you see a cat reading a newspaper, don't blink. Because that cat will lower the newspaper and say something like, he really tugged my rub-dum. And it'll be Morris from the Nine Lives Cat Fuchimus. We got Morris, we got Garfield, we got Heathcliff, trying to think of other famous cats. Do you understand?

I saw recently on Twitter, someone had discovered Morris the cat after many years. Had discovered him. Well, this was a younger person who had no idea that Morris ever existed and found a calendar devoted to Morris the cat. People need to understand, he was hugely famous. Wasn't he? He was the cat that chased the covered wagon? No, that was a dog. That was a dog? Which dog? What am I thinking of? You're thinking of the dog that chased the covered wagon.

But what was the company? Purina. That's how effective advertising is. We cannot remember. And those were everywhere. Obviously, I was an adult when those commercials happened, but as certain people were children, I know they were fascinated by the tiny covered wagon. The tiny covered wagon. I remember the colors, the red and white checkered, but I don't remember what it was selling. It was at Gainesburgers? I remember there was a brand. A brand branded the dog food.

I thought you meant branded the dog. That would be a terrible internet commercial. No, no, no. The dog was very much in control. Morris the cat was about nine lives, right? Cat food. He was a finicky cat. That's right. He didn't like... Oh, I wish I had written him into the musical. I'm Morris the cat and here's what I'll say. I'm finicky and I don't care what you say.

If you give me cat food that I don't like, I'm going to make your life miserable. First rhyme that came to mind, unacceptable. What do you think? Like? Nope. Don't think about it. Okay, all right. We'll not. Don't think on it at all. What an incredible movie this is.

The three famous cats, Morris, Heathcliff and Garfield. And I can think of no other famous cat. Top cat. Oh, okay. Yeah. I guess there would be some cartoon... Is Tom or Jerry a cat? The two racist Chinese cats from Lady of the Tramp. Could be in there.

Is Tom a cat? Tom is a cat. Tom cat, of course. Jerry is a mouse. That's right. Yes, so he's in there. Yes. Wow. They're all in there. What a movie this is going to be.

The cat from apt pupil. Wow. What about the cat from outer space? The cat from outer space has returned to his home dimension. Oh, you couldn't get him. He was unavailable. Oh, terrible. I'm very pleased for him, of course, that he gets to his family once again.

But a loss for us. Sad news. Sad news, Dave. Too sad. Elliott. Terrible stuff. Terrible stuff. Terrible stuff, Elliott. Oh, you'll beat me to it.

Damn it. So, this is incredible technology that, and this movie sounds like a winner, a dynamite, but it still hasn't answered the question of why you are incredibly small. They wrote, I thought it would be a lark to see myself shrunken down to cat's eyes. Unfortunately, the technology is too good. This is the technology they're using for the movie, is what happened to you? They're not just making the actors appear smaller, to save money on sets. So, they wouldn't have to build giant sets.

They're not going to use sets at all. Oh. Wow. They're going to film it out in the wild. Wow. And they're not going to CGI anyone. They're going to... It's computer generated.

Infantilizing? Infantilizing, yes. Wow. So, they actually are shrinking all of the actors. Well, not now. They just did it to me. Just as a test? And then they realized it was a mistake.

I volunteered to be the first. I wanted to see what I would look like a little kitty cat. Did they ever say that they had the technology to put you back to your normal size? They haven't said. And believe me, I've asked. They haven't returned these emails? They haven't. I should call them.

I've been doing all of this via email. First do an email, then do a text, and then actually leave a message, and we'll see. No, when they get that message. Because the text is next. And the text is, I don't know if you got my emails. But, am I stuck at cat size forever? David after the endist? Yes, and so, there I will call them and say, what's up?

I saw my red receipts. I know that you read my text. You can save my emails when to spam. You can save my emails when to spam. Oh my gosh, he's writing a musical right in front of us. I'll know. That's just a piece of ham. How dare you refuse my text?

What's next? My hand around your necks. Threatening them with murder. I mean, that's a way to raise the stakes in a theatrical production. It's a massage. Ah, I see. It's a neck massage. Neck massage, of course.

Yes? Well, I guess that explains why you're this tall. No further questions? That's the only thing you wanted to know. Well, I... Look, I always want to know every single thing about you. I mean, I assume that you'll be going to the premiere this size and... Oh, I hope not.

That's yards away. Do you understand I'm sleeping in my own top hat? Why don't you sleep in your own house in the bed? It's just, it'll be bigger than... The bed's too big now. It's terrifying. What's the biggest bed you've ever slept in? California King.

What if it were a little bit bigger? You'd be terrifying. I guess it would be like an alien wasteland of just, you know... Oh, wasteland, T.S. Eliot. Did he write wasteland? Wow. He certainly did. Incredible.

Did he write Westworld? Why are you asking that? Well, I'm just throwing out things that he may have written. I have no idea who wrote Westworld. He did not. Okay. It was Michael Crichton. Oh, good. Okay. Great.

Oh, good. Great. Good for him. Oh, good. I'm so glad Michael Crichton wrote Westworld instead of T.S. Eliot. I'm good for him. Good for him. He got to it first. Great. The most eloquent giant, Michael Crichton, probably the most literary giant we've ever had on this earth.

Is he a giant, really? How tall is he? Rest in peace. How tall was he? 6'9". Wow. That is tall. I wonder how he would ever imagine characters shorter than him, like in Disclosure? Well, I think that's all he did.

He positioned himself above everyone else and said, Look at these little people with their little lives. Now Jurassic Park makes sense because he's as tall as a T-Rex. Exactly. And he wanted to see the screams. He wanted people to leave in terror of him. He probably wanted to bite people's heads off just like those T-Rexes did in the movie. Well, who doesn't?

That's true. Haven't you ever, haven't you ever, Scottrick, if you're honest, Pepper, haven't you ever wanted to bite someone's head off literally? I mean, you are looking like a snack right now, I gotta say. Two feet high? I mean, I don't know what the... I don't believe that's what that expression means. I don't know what the rules are.

I don't think looking like a snack means I would like to... I would like that person's entire being to sustain me between meals. I'm just saying that I think there must be something in the rule book that they call laws where, you know, if someone is a certain height, you can eat them. I know this. I am allowed to play baseball. Good. Yes.

There's nothing in the rule. Nothing in the rule says that you cannot play baseball. However, there is the law of nature that says... No, that's not a good example. Yeah. The laws of morality. Do not eat me, Scottrick. Please.

I don't know. You look so tasty right now. Do I? I just look like me, only small. I know, but you're sweating almost like you've been over an open flame and... Ew. Do you have a certain rosy color to you? What you love is hot, is just wet meat.

Piping hot wet meat. Piping hot? Piping hot wet meat. Wouldn't that be a treat if I could see you on Earth's spit? I'm really fascinated what plot you're going to use to weave all of these songs that you've been writing together. Well, I mean, there's all I do with calves, right? That's true.

Plot, not necessary. Well, Andrew Lloyd Webber, or Lord Webber, if I may be so bold. You should be. This is a terrible situation for you, and I'm sorry it happened to you. And I sincerely hope that the next time I see you, you won't be looking so tasty. You'll be full-grown, and I'll say, eh, eh, too much. I suppose I hope that as well. And I definitely will not eat you right now, because we're old friends.

You've been on the show for as long as we've been doing it. Scottrick, we've been the best of frenemies. You can't eat me now. I am very, very hungry today, but I will abstain. Yes, he's something not alive. As a favor to the queen? Oh, the queen. I just remember the queen's corgis.

What's wrong with the queen's corgis? What if they see me in this state? They won't know me as a friend. They'll think that you're a cat. I don't know what they'll think I am, but they will think that I'm smaller than they are. Right. They'll chase you around. They will chase me around.

Maybe they're plaything, they're vicious plaything. They'll bat you around like a cat bats yarn around. They'll bite into me and then shake their little fat heads. Oh no, you have to stay away from the queen then. I'm, but I do so love the queen. I know you do. She is my sovereign. I need to see the queen.

Be careful that ask her to lock up her corgis before you get there. She'll never do it. Those corgis run the show. Really? Perhaps her wizard. The court's wizards would turn me back into a mannequin. This is a good plan. I didn't know the court had a wizard.

I guess they've had one ever since Merlin days. Of course they have. Oh, okay. Well, then this is the way to go. That's why you were here in America. Why don't you have a wizard? I don't know. I mean, turn not to science.

Turn to magic instead. Turn not to science. Turn to magic instead. If you'd like to have a silly old giraffe on your head. And you're tired of sleeping in that big old bed. Turn your thoughts to science instead. This is good. I want to write a credit on this.

You'll get one for the wah-wah. Okay. Has this been good? This has been a good visit. I appreciate you dropping by. It wouldn't be a 10th anniversary special without Andrew Lloyd Webber dropping by. 10th anniversary of what? Oh, did you not know?

It's the 10th anniversary of this podcast. That can't be so. Because it's too long or too short? Too long, obviously. No. Ten years. The show is in its infancy the first time you drop by. And it's still going.

It's still chugging away like that roller skate train. Why? People like it? Why? I look... I don't have the answer to that, really. It's one of those unknowable questions. I'm a sculpture guy.

I feel terrible. I haven't brought you a gift of any kind. I will say congratulations to you. Give me just a little bite off. Maybe one of your fingies. My fingies. I need them. For what?

For housing. If I hold a teacup, where does the pinky go? How about at one of those toesies? No, I don't. I don't want to lose my balance. Then I don't know what I can eat off you. Maybe a bit of the shoulder? All right.

All right. Oh, it hurts. You broke the skin. Those nooks. Those crannies. I've got to get out of here. Too much. I need more.

Thank you, Andrew Lloyd Webber. I'm running away as fast as I can. You can't catch me. I'm Andrew Lloyd Webberman. Andrew Lloyd Webber. One of our oldest, oldest friends. Him and his topping hats. Oh, so good to see him.

He's been around since the very beginning. Wow. This is a true blasting from the pasting. Wow. And I think that... Happy birthday to you. Who's this? Happy birthday to you.

I know the sound of that voice. Happy birthday to Scott, my legitimate son. Oh, I know who this is. Happy birthday to you. Hello, Scott. Bob Ducca. How are you? I'm great.

It's not my birthday, but... Well, in a sense it is, because I understand that your radio program is 10 years old. It's not a radio program anymore. It was when you first came on it. I just want to get right off the bat. I will never understand the difference between radio and podcast, so I want you to save your time. Okay, thank you. But, Scott, I thought this was a wonderful opportunity for us to reconnect.

I have not seen you in quite a bit of time. Many, many, many, many months. Many moons, as they say. Yes, yes. Have passed overhead. That's right. And for those people who don't know, I was married to your beautiful, beautiful mother for a brief period of time. A brief period of time, a matter of months, as I recall.

Six profound months. And it was later in your life, you were already a beautiful, fully grown man. I think I was in my 30s, as I recall. You were in your 30s, but you'll always be my little boy. However, I never got to spend time with you when you were a 10-year-old boy. So I thought, what better opportunity now that your radio cast is 10 years old? Podcast, sure, yeah. Don't understand that I could use this as an opportunity to make some of the connections that fathers and sons do when the young boy is 10.

So from what I'm understanding, you're using my podcast birthday of 10 to now try to interact with me, me personally, as a 10-year-old. You are a sharp little tool in the shed, my boy. Not so little, maybe not so sharp. You are just adorable. What were you doing earlier today? You're asking, we'll catch some bullfrogs? Is that they're trying to make some dandelion wine? Yeah, there you go.

Putting some pennies on train tracks. Sure. Watch out for that hobo jungle. Bob, for those of you who don't remember you, you're one of our earliest guests. You are a man of certain maladies, and you are currently wearing a neck brace, several arm guards. What looks to be a makeshift cast or two? It is makeshift. Yes, yes.

I'm a traditionalist. I like plaster casts. I don't like these plastic things, these newfangled. I go for analog casts, but I refuse to cover it up when I go in the shower. So my casts will disintegrate, and what I do is use chewed-up newspaper to create a binding adhesive. So that's what you're saying. Sort of a paper mache effect. A paper mache.

You look akin to a pinata. Thank you. Not a compliment, but... That's how I'll take it. Okay, great. Life is a matter of perspective. So how do you want to celebrate me as a 10-year-old? Well, some of the things that we never got to do during your formative years, especially your 10th year,

why don't we play a game of catch? Oh, sure. Do you have some sort of a ball? I have a ball right here. Are you ready? Yeah, okay. Here we go. Yeah.

Oh, God, the arm on you is not strong at all. Not very strong. And you weren't using your right arm for some reason. Are you a southpaw? No, no, no, but I do have a ball dyslexia. Okay, let me throw it back. I'm going to try not to do it too hard, but maybe you don't know this about me. I played triple-A ball, so I'm going to try not to throw it too hard if that's okay.

Ow. Okay, try this again. Yeah, you were able to dribble it approximately six inches. Let me try it with my other hand here. Okay, here we go. Ow. Oh, sorry. I'm sorry.

Right. No wonder you have ball dyslexia. I'm sorry. Hold on. You know what I think the problem is? I can't properly throw with this brace on. Let me just get this. It's been a while since I've taken it.

Oh, sorry. Those are wrist nets. They thrive on moisture. They all tried to get into my mouth. Oh, boy. Oh, you know what? It's a good source of protein. Don't worry about it.

You can just open your mouth like a whale and eat it like krill. You know what? Why don't we leave that for a little bit? I feel satisfied that we've gotten a place for catching. Yeah, one back and forth apiece. This is one of the many ways that fathers and sons bond. Yeah. You're 10 years old and you're starting to notice that things are happening with your

body. Not noticing some changes. Not much happened to me at 10 years old, as I recall. With my body. If you're like me, you had a foul thicket of brillo pad-like hair. I don't know how many people are actually like you, Bob. I think you're very unique. You are one of a kind as well, but you're probably wondering how the bees and the

birds work. Birds and the bees. Sure. Here we go. I just wanted to let you know. So when a man likes a woman, he asks her out to dinner for a strip mall Indian food buffet. They split a bottle of warm white wine.

And if all goes well, one thing leads to another. And he places a penis pump onto his penis. Now, when the pump can be run by hand or by batteries, you place it over the penis. You pump air out of the cylinder so that a vacuum is created. Okay. Now the vacuum draws blood into the shaft of the penis, which causes to swell and become a wreck. Don't be shy.

Come on. This happens, everybody. This is just how nature works. Now, once that penis is erect, with the help of lubricant, you painfully slide the retaining band down into the lower end of the penis. And then you remove the pump after releasing the vacuum. And at which point you have a limited time to shove that fraudulent erection, this nature-defying phallus, into the hopefully moist enough post-menopausal neony of the recipient, much like I did to

your mother. Post-menopausal. I don't know if that's relatable to every 10-year-old child, the post-menopausal one. This is just how things work, my boy. Okay. You know what? I feel like you're not really understanding what I'm saying. I've never necessarily needed the pump action at this point.

You will. Okay. How early did that come for you? 17. Yeah. And you had no interest in sex before that? Oh, I did. Yes.

Yes. I was a furious masturbator. You were mad that you were doing it, or you did it furious? Both. I was raised Catholic, so I just hated every second. What are you now? I don't think we've ever talked about religion. I'm an agnostic pagan.

I don't know how that works. Well, I mean, it's an ever-evolving thing. I'm a very spiritual person, as you'll see, actually. One of the things I've been working on since I last saw you is you probably know that I've read the book jackets of well over a thousand self-help books. I thought you actually broke open those books and read something that was on some of the pages. They usually chased me out of the bookstore before I can get to the actual books.

But I've retained a lot of this information. I've applied it to my life. And not only that, but after, you know, 60-some years on this planet, I've acquired a lot of knowledge that I feel excited about passing on to other people. So I've been working on a book. You are writing a book? Oh, a book title. Yes.

And then once I figure out a title, then I'll write the book. I guess that's a good thing to kind of think about what you're going to talk about before you actually start writing. Absolutely. Absolutely. You know, if you're building a house, you start with the paint job, and then you build the foundation. That's how it works.

Okay. So, you know, maybe the game of catch didn't go quite the way I wanted to. Maybe the sex talk was a little overwhelming for you, though it will be extremely applicable to you and just a matter before you even know it. I'm definitely going to save this podcast for later. Great. But I just thought I would read off to you a list of the potential books that I will write.

These are autobiographical and self-help in nature. These are titles that you've brainstormed. Mm-hmm. And you're trying to ascertain which one you're going to use. Yes. Okay. Great. Let me just...

So this is a... Oh, okay. This is a list. I wrote it on various scraps of paper and bits of my cast. Some of it's pretty soggy. Yeah. Okay. Hopefully it's readable.

Okay. This is Bob Duke's list of potential book titles. Please. This is Bob Duke's list of potential book titles. There's something dead in the shed. My journey in alternative living spaces. This cot has bed bugs. Stories from my time as a medical experiment participant.

Darkness visible. A memoir of madness. Oh, never mind. I just blinked and forgot to open my eyes. Do you know if this bust goes to anywhere where people hang out? How to force friendships in public places? Bye, Bob Duke. Is the doctor in?

I found something in my back that might make her famous. Sabatius ovarian or epidermoid. What kind of sister are you? Weird body stuff as physical manifestations of spiritual truths. Bye, Bob Duke. From boys to menopause. Scar tissue. They call me putting tits.

A heartbreaking work. A boy called shit. I know why the cage bird died. It only hurts when I pee. A funny thing happened on the way to the pharmacy. If you treat your back knee like a game of connect the dots, you might learn something about yourself. Bye, Bob Duke.

Hickory dickory duke. Nursery rhymes for men in late middle age. Does this mole look cancerous? Conversation starters for shy people. You'll never eat lunch in this YMCA sauna again. If you need me, I'll be crying in the self-help section of Barnes & Noble. Bye, Bob Duke. If you smell a fart in an elevator, it was probably me.

And it probably wasn't a fart. If I'm not your father, why do I send you birthday cards? Dedicated to Scott Ockerman. By his real father, Bob Duke. But nice to have a dedication right in the title. I had to pay extra for that font. Game of Thrones. It turns out it is just about dragons. Himpansy. My take on the male of the species.

Overcoming anger for once and for fucking all. God damn it, whose cell phone is going off? This is a fucking library. Bye, Bob Duke. You call it a flop house, I call it a gentleman's hotel. Positive spins on the places you live. If God didn't want you to eat boogers, why did he put salt on them? It was broken when I got here. This story of my body.

My pants have a lot of pleats because I was born with too many balls. By Bob Duke. The world according to fart. The light at the end of the carpal tunnel syndrome. How to meet new people even though it hurts to shake hands. When life gives you ailments, make ailments ship cookies. Are you there, God? It's me, Bob. Bob Duke.

Duke. D-U-C-C-A. Yes, I'll hold. Bye, Bob Duke. Bye, Bob Duke, of course. I love how a few of these are by Bob Duke. Yes, yes, I haven't decided. Some of them might be titled anonymous because spiritually that seems more profound.

I see, I see. Like that little boy that died and talked about seeing heaven. I think that was anonymous because they're afraid of Christian pedophiles chasing him down or something. From shirt jerky to mouse milk, alternative foods for the budget-minded. How to buy friends and force people at coffee shops to talk to you for a long time because you won't pay your bill till you finish telling a story about how soy milk gives you white diarrhea. For sad boys who have considered suicide when Rainbow Sherbert gives you an ice cream headache. I always know my way home because I leave a trail of elbow dander wherever I go. A guide to love and accept the body you were cursed with.

The magic of big thinking. The science of setting a low bar. The power of later. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Dare yourself to take another nap. The four hour work month. Chicken soup for the soul. Bermuda clam chowder for the ego.

Awaken the giant tumor within. Girl, wash your face. Boy, get rid of that mason jar full of toenail clippings. The secretion. The year of mesh. Or I was a litigant in a pelvic mesh class action lawsuit and it took a year. Bababduka. Who moved my teeth?

Wherever you go, there you are. Wait, am I here because no one has looked out or spoken to me all day? Prescription yogurt and birthday cheese. A very daily dukka dairy diary. Bababduka. From arrhythmia to zika. My alphabet of illness. How to avoid late term inner child abortion and adopt a kind of relationship with a little scamp in you.

And finally, how to stay body positive even though you don't so much have a skeleton wrapped in skin as you do a bunch of loose chopsticks stuffed into a thrift store sleeping bag. Bababduka. Wow, that's so many to choose from. I think you might have more than one book in you. Do you really think so? Do you think if you can expand on any of those ideas? Let's get together in brainstorm.

Oh, I don't know. It sounds like you've done the majority of the brainstorming. You just simply need to get these ideas on paper. Well, you know how hard making decisions is. Or paper mache. Right. Mache. Mache, sorry.

I can't tell you how incredibly proud I am of you. Bab, thank you so much. It means the world to me that you showed up on such a special occasion for me. Yes, it was, you know, I came here from Great Peril. Where's Great Peril? Great Peril. It's near the Spearmint Rhino over by that mall, that Egyptian-themed mall. Oh, is that what they're calling that neighborhood now?

Yeah. Okay, yeah. Is that just because you started living there? Yeah. Yeah. Somehow in my late middle age, I secrete a hormone that attracts feral dogs. So there's been a problem there. Well, Bob, thank you so much for making the time.

It's like a dark Wes Anderson film over there. All the dogs chasing me. Oh my gosh. Thank you. Thank you for making the time and the journey as well. Absolutely. How did you get here? Did you walk the entire way?

I took a couple of buses and then I walked. And then, yes. So you took a couple of buses and then you walked and yes. Yes. That's it. Okay. Well, Bob, thank you so much for being here. I did take, I did take, have you heard about the bird scooters?

Yeah. Oh, I've seen those. Yeah. They're just lying around everywhere now. A friend of mine is starting a program like that, but it's for a coffee can stilts. So that's how I made a big part of my way over here. Which friend of, which friend is this? That's my friend Odell.

Odell. What is his last name or first name? Cigarette. Odell Cigarette. Yes. Yeah. So if you see, if you see those, it's, it's, it's a, he's not hooked up to the internet yet.

So you just leave cash on the ground. You, you take them. And hopefully at some point he picks up the cash. He'll come. He'll come for it. He'll come for it. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Good. This is a good business plan. It's a great business plan. Yes. Bob, thank you so much. Thank you. Please don't, don't make it so long before the next time you come back.

I will hang out with you anytime. I don't necessarily mean that. I will never leave your side again. I, I think let's split the difference on the air on the side of never coming back. All right. But Bob, I love you too. Oh my God. I have waited so long to hear that.

Don't say another word. I want those to be the last words that I hear from you until I see you seconds from now. Okay. Bye. Bye. Sorry. Don't speak. He's still here.

The door is over there. If you. Oh, thank God he's gone. Don't speak. Oh, he's still here. The door is over there. If you. Oh, thank God he's gone.

Oh, thank God he's gone. Don't speak. Oh, okay. We need to sound proof this better. Bye Bob. Bye. Okay. Look, we need to take a break.

We are just a little bit of the ways through our 10 hour show. We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang. More of your favorite guests will be right back after this. This podcast is brought to you by Thomas's English Muffins. They want to know what. My ideal morning would look like if anything were possible. Well, if anything were possible, I would probably get this. I would wake up in the morning next to a beautiful, beautiful woman.

Whose name is Kulapilisak, my wife. And I am so glad that every morning that is possible and probable for me. So check. Thank you, Thomas's. And we would make breakfast together, which of course would include the Thomas's English Muffin. Probably the whole wheat Thomas's because they offer that option, which is great. Gonna have to put a little peanut buds on that little peanut butter.

Chunky style as I like it. Man, this is making me hungry as I say it. Probably catch up on the news in the morning, maybe, you know, put on a little Spotify. Probably, look, I'm not gonna lie, I'm gonna take a shower at some point before I leave the house because that is how I roll nice and clean. Take the dogs out twice before I leave, before feeding them and after feeding them because you know what dogs like to do. I don't know why I'm talking about that.

And when I could be talking about and focusing on the Thomas's English Muffin, those nooks. I could talk about those nooks for 10 hours alone. But those crannies. Oh, those crannies. You know I'm all about the crannies. Wow. Thomas's English Muffin. I hope that you wake up to what's possible.

Comedy bang bang, welcome back and wow, what a show already. I mean, we're just a fraction of the way through the show and already we've had three of our favorite guests and I wonder who else could be coming through that door next. Who's this? Hi, Scott, it's me, John Ham. Oh my gosh, Jonathan Hamathon. That's me.

Hamilton. Hamilton about you? It's a musical based on the story of my life told through Alexander Hamilton's life. Oh, I see. I wondered why they had that extra M in Hamilton. Yeah, Hamilton. That's actually how you pronounce it. Hamilton.

And you have to rub your stomach while you do it. Hamilton. That was the original review. Ben Brantley's original review was. Hamilton. How are you, John? I'm good. Happy anniversary.

You're so much one of our oldest friends on the show. You did one of the earliest episodes and you've been on so many times. I remember when you were on Terrestrial Radio. That is right. That's how the show started and you came into the old radio station. Indy103. That's right. And you've been a great friend of the show, let alone the podcast.

I thought I would come by just to help you celebrate. That's great. So what are we going to do? Do a lot of the characters that I'm known for on the show. This show does not have characters. I don't know what you're talking about. Mostly that's what I'm known for. I come on and I do a lot of characters.

I believe you did do Chupacabra's brother. Chupacabra's brother, Chupacabro, which was literally just me stealing Curl's bit. Right. And you've been on the television show and when I say that, I mean the comedy bang bang television show because everyone knows that you've been on other television shows. Kimmy Schmidt, not a television show, a Netflix offering. No. A piece of content.

A streamable content. I love content now. Do you like starring in content? So much content. So much content. We sling so much content out there. So much content to contend with. Content.

That should be, it should be contend. Contend. I'm content with all this content. That I have to contend with. We should just call it content. There's a continent's worth of content that I'm content to contend with. And it makes me incompetent. Incompetent.

Incompetent. Yes. You have to be incompetent not to be on content at this point. You have to be incompetent not to love. I have all the content, all the sweet, sweet content. Sometimes I watch so much content, I will get incontinent. That's right. And I have a mess to clean up.

That's true. What do you do when you're incontinent, by the way? Well, you wear a diaper. Yeah. Are we selling? Do we have a diaper sponsorship yet with this show? Yeah. Sure.

Do you mind reading this copy? I guess we have a diaper sponsorship here. Hi. I'm John Hamm for Depends Adult Undergarments. When do you wear Depends? Depends. That's the whole point. How you feeling?

Well, it depends. You got like a loose splatter, then I'd throw Depends on. That's prime Depends. Prime Depends time. Yeah. That's great. Thank you so much for reading that. I appreciate it.

Yeah. It was very short, but it was basically me pitching it. I noticed you didn't do the personal endorsement. The story where I... Where you talk about how you wear Depends. The first time I needed a Depends, and that is the proper way to refer to them in the plural, even if you're talking about one Depends. One Depend.

You cannot say it. One Depends. Interesting. One Depends on when one needs Depends. What was the first time that you ever needed one? I found out I was in the Deep End. Oh, how did you find out? Well, all of a sudden, I realized I was in the Deep End, I needed a Depend.

And so, the good news was, box of them right there. If you're having a pool party... The weird thing is, part of the Emmy gift bag is a box of Depends. If you're having a pool party, I think it's great to have just like a dispenser. You know what I mean? Like, I'm in the pool. Hey, I think I need a Depends. Because, first of all, peeing in the pool, not cool.

You know, I used to see those signs up at people's pool. Welcome to our pool. Of like, you know, welcome to our pool, of course. There is no pee in our pool. Or we don't swim in your toilets, so why do you pee in our pool? But yours is better. Peeing in our pool, not cool. I would love to...

Can we make some of these a swag of just your face smiling with that as a quote? Absolutely. Peeing in the pool, not cool. But I do like the idea of a Depends dispenser. A dispenser? Something like that, where you just like, oh man, I'm gonna need three of these. And then you're ready.

Also, by the way, better than a towel. Throw one of those on, it just wicks it away. Exactly. Why is everyone using towels these days? I'll say this, fashionable. They do look good. Have you seen the new styles of Depends? They're slimmer.

They are. Yes, they have a nice slim cut on them. They have a nice slim cut. A European cut, I think I would say. Because they hired, this is very interesting. I know his name has been in the news a lot. Massimo Giannulli. Oh, yes.

A husband of Laurie Laughlin. Laurie Laughlin, yeah, of course. Is a designer. He is responsible for the new... He did the new Depends, really? The new Depends look. Is it due to the fact that when he saw the indictment, he shit his pants and he was like, I should get involved in this?

I think it was pre-that, but fortunately, again, he had the gift box right there. He had it on. And he had to throw that on when the fed's coming knocking. When they serve the subpoena to him. There's another... Hold on. Hold on. Let me just throw these on.

I think if anyone knocks on your door, you should throw Depends on. Just in case. Just in case, because it depends on who it is at your door. You don't know if you're going to shit your pants. Is that it? Right there. It depends. Right there.

They're going to be thrilled with this endorsement, by the way. I know. By the way, this is still all... This is still... Yeah, this is a long, long act. It's much longer than it looked. It's scripted between you and me. It's very odd.

But we're so good at playing it, it just seems... It seems very, very natural. Yeah. John, you are, of course, one of America's great... What am I trying to say? Actors? Sure. You know, you were on the Mattest of Men show, where everyone was...

It was like a contest between you guys of like, how angry can we get? That was part of it. That's how it started, right? It was going to be a game show. It was going to be a game show. Where you took all of the people's blood pressure. And it was like, whoever's Mattest wins. And then, how did all...

And then, all of a sudden, weirdly, like, they just... They found this narrative. Right. And they were like, what if it was more about, instead of a competition, like a reality show? Mm-hmm. What if it was a little more scripted? Yeah. So, it was a hybrid show for a while.

For a while. And then, once they kind of, like, gave into it, they were like, you know... You know what, this is the most interesting part of it. Let's just keep this, and then we'll get rid of the rest. By the way, that's the creative process. That is the process. But all that stuff on the cutting room floor, John. Oh, we could do a whole eight more seasons.

I would love to visit the cutting room floor one day. It's filthy. It really is. It's filthy. The filthiest place in Hollywood. There's so much stuff. Just pick it up. Pick it up.

Pick it up off the floor. No one says it has to be... It says, stay there. No, it's called the cutting room floor for a reason. Yes, it has to go on the floor. Sure. Yes, but pick it up. Pick it up.

Pick it up. It's infuriating. It almost makes me want to cancel out all of the Emmys that you won for that show. Just all of the one? All of the one. And it was almost like, oh, shit. This is the last season. We got to give him this guy one.

Isn't Cranston nominated? He's not fine here. Oh, finally. Cranston. You and Cranston. Cranny. Cranny. All those nooks and crannies.

What if he teamed up with someone like John Nook and they came out with a show Nooks and Crannies. Nooks and Crannies. On CBS. I mean, talk about content. I mean, solving crimes. Solving crimes. It's like, it's like Rosoli had aisles.

Mm-hmm. Crannies got nook. Yeah, of course. I mean, and they wouldn't even have to solve crimes sometimes. They could just like. I think I like a road trip. Solve the crimes of the heart. Sure.

Sometimes, you know. Talk about, talk about, you know, who did you wrong, Nook? Do a big sideways type road trip. Absolutely. Exactly. I would watch that. But with white wine. Yes, exactly.

White wine doesn't get its due. I would watch the literal shit out of that. Wouldn't you? You would watch that until it had no more shit in it. No more shit. Until it was just spent. Just shit free. Right there in the depends.

Right. Just filled up. Depends full of Nooks and Crannies. Those new depends, by the way, with the little gauge on it of like how full. When it's full. Yeah. Those are genius. Very, very helpful.

Genius. Yes. So all of that, this is still the copy of it. We're still reading. The whole point. Christ. It's not about mad men and stuff, but this is look depends. They're expert marketers.

They know. They know what's up. They know what's up. So by the way, that's the, that's the, that's the tagline. We're done reading it. It's like. Depends. They know what's up.

And that is the end of the advertisement. Finito. It is weird that the advertisement is still continue it, but it's also still continuing. It's strange that this is still part of it. They do a fake end. That's so straight. It's almost like, you know, a Marvel movie where there's something at the end. The really weird thing is that the whole 10th anniversary 10 hour podcast is really just

an advertisement. Just an advertisement for it depends. If we don't land this depends account, by the way, I know this is all on spec. Oh. And you have a lot of experience in the Mad Men thing about like. Yeah. Or we're going to get bought by, you know, McCowan and Rogers. Yeah.

Exactly. Do you even remember any of the details of the show that you were on? I remember some, but it was. Let me test you. All right. Go. What was the name of your character? David.

Don. Dick Whitman Draper. Okay. Great. I think that might be right. I have no idea. Some of them are. What is the name of the company you worked for in episode one?

Depends. Yes. Exactly. And what is, who, who, what were the names of your children? Gene was the youngest. Gene. Mean Gene. Mean Gene.

Tiny Gene. Tiny, tiny Gene. Billy Gene. That's full name. William Gene. He was named after his maternal grandfather. Okay. Then there was Bobby.

Bobby. The middle child. The middle child Bobby. Famously played by, I think over the course of the show, six different actors. Six different actors. Really? Why is that? We had a lot of Bobby's.

Because they, they would have aged. They kind of grew too fast or too something. It was, or they got hired on other shows. Oh, right. Because they didn't really work that much. And then the oldest, the apple of Don's eye, played by Kiernan Schipka, Sally. Sally. And there were no more children?

I can't remember. Not that I know of. Depends. Not that I know of. Depends. Not that I know of. Good, good ad. And what, who's the dude?

You know the dude with the white hair? What was his character's name? Roger Sterling. I think you're talking about, but there were several men with white hair. I need to know. Those are Bertram Cooper. Yeah. If you have all of the white haired characters, could you just run down the list of all of

them? There was Roger Sterling. Okay, sure. He's the most famous white hair. Silver Fox. Bert Cooper. Bert Cooper. The titular Sterling, there was Sterling Cooper.

So two white hairs run in the show. Two white hairs in one company. Yeah, weird. You think they would like battle it out? Who can, who's the whitest of them all? Do you think that you will remember these details about the show until the day you die? Or do you think at some point they will just slip away from you, Brad? I remember doing some, like for some thing, they had like a trivia contest about the show.

And I did really well. Because that doesn't happen a lot of times. Like if you were to ask me any comedy bang bang trivia, I would not. In fact, I was looking at a script the other day for a sketch that I knew we wrote for the show. And I was like, this is pretty funny. Did we ever do it? And I had to read, it was five pages on page four.

I said, oh, I remember filming this scene. But I remember saying to you at some point talking about something over the course of the show, the TV show. And you were like, oh yeah, that was the second season or whatever. I was like, oh yeah. There are certain things that I know because they were like, we put them into certain episodes like season one episode 10 was the green screen episode because it was the finale. Like I know certain things about that, but I could not even tell you.

I'm kind of the same way with the Mad Men stuff. Like I have a pretty good recall of most of the general beats of stuff. There'll still be ones that I'm like, oh right. I forgot about that one. Right. Because they've rerun it kind of out of order. Really? On like the audience channel on Direct TV.

Interesting. Why would they do it out of order? I don't know. Just because they don't, I mean, it's not like it's got a regular time slot or something. So they'll kind of just pop. So just pop is like, hey, if you like Mad Men, just watch one episode. There was one on last night that I caught up like 10 minutes of because I was like, wow, I haven't seen that one in a long time, but it was from season one or two.

I can't remember. Two, I think the jet set one where he goes to Palm Springs and kind of. Of course. And I was like, I remember shooting it because we shot in this beautiful mid-century house that apparently was owned by Frank Sinatra a long time ago. Wait, in Palm Springs? In Chatsworth, believe it or not. I believe I may have been to that house.

It's really beautiful, like classic mid-century. Right, right. And there was like a whole pool scene and all this stuff. And I remember it being like a couple of really long days. Featuring, there was a big dinner scene outside and we're all shooting with all these like fancy guest stars and a giant like Tarangelo like crawled across somebody's foot. Whoa. How did they know?

Were they looking at their foot? They felt like a thing on their foot looked down. Tarangelo could be crawling across my foot right now and I would not know. We have shoes on. Well, yeah. They were barefoot. They were barefoot. This is the part of the story.

You got to bury the lead. So here's how you tell the story. You know, Mad Men, someone was barefoot during one scene. Right. Okay. And then you go backwards. And then you go, you know, Mad Men is about tarantulas, right? So anyway, when you're barefoot, you got to keep an eye out for him.

Anyway, no, the place like freaked out. Everybody literally like jumped on seats and then we had one guy on the crew who was like the weird bug guy who was like, oh, it's fine. He randomly grabbed it, picked it up and he like. Do you think it was one of these things where the actor could have gotten superpowers from this spider? I would hope so. That's what I would do if I were, I would just be putting myself out there for spiders to

bite me. You know, I was a little bummed that in the spider verse, they didn't have a Don Draper Spider-Man. That's so weird. Isn't it strange? Draperman. Draperman. Come on.

Some, you know. We've already established that Mad Men is about tarantulas. Yes. It's so, it's so weird that there were, you know, just, and you would have played it, right? Absolutely. I mean, you're not, you're not so high and mighty that you're like turning down calls. I don't get high on my own supply.

Of course not. By the way, did you bring your own supply? I did and I'll give it to you so you can get high. Okay, great. Thank you. So I would, I love getting high. You know that about me. On someone else's supply.

Don, I mean, John, we're talking about Mad Men so much. I just want to call you Don because that was your name other than Dick. You had Don and Dick. Born Dick Whitman. Born Dick. And these are, these are spoiler alerts by the way. If you haven't seen the show, stop listening. The main character has been to Korea.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry that we said that. But yes, people go to Korea. And not North Korea. So get it right. Yes. The regular Korea.

Korea Prime. Korea Classic. Goes to Korea. Goes to Korea. Comes back. Yeah. Don Draper. It's so crazy how that happened.

The old, we called it in the business, we called it the old switcheroo. That's right. I love, okay. Every time that I'm there in a script meeting, I'm always saying like, when are we doing the old switcheroo? Time for the switcheroo. You know, can't this character go to Korea and then come back to someone else, you know? It's, it's, it always works.

Yeah, exactly. Because no one expects the old switcheroo. No one expects the old switcheroo at any point. John, are you working on anything else now? Or, I mean, I know you can't talk about projects that are coming up. Give us a taste. I can talk about whatever I want. Yes.

I have agency. This is what I'm talking about. So many people come into this, this program and say, oh, I can't talk about the thing that's like six minutes. What are you doing? Scott, let me just say, I'm doing a little bit of everything. Fuck. Right?

Yeah, bro. That's what I'm saying. Like, I got, I got my fingers in a lot of pies. Yeah, exactly. What pies you got in there? A little pie called Top Gun Too Much. One, two. Boom.

Flying around. I'm on the highway. To the. You know where it goes. Directly. It's a highway. First of all, no stopping. Sure.

No stop lights. Don't worry. Oh, yeah. Also. The quickest way to get there. We're breaking the speed limit on this highway. No. Because the highway goes to the danger zone, bro.

The danger zone. Right to the DZ. Do you know, can you, let's break some news regarding this project here on the show. Is Kenny Loggins involved? Is he doing a remake or a part two of his song, Highway to the Danger Zone? Tell us. I don't know. Fuck.

But I'm going to say, because I can say whatever I want. Absolutely. Absolutely he is. Will it go to number one as well? What do you think? I mean, it is number two, Top Gun Too. So it might go to number two. Might go to two.

Just, just, just to be cool. It might go to two. Depends. Wow. Okay. And that is the end of the. Finally. Finally.

That is the longest. Might go to two. Depends. That is the longest ad we've ever done on this show. But I appreciate you coming by to help me out with it. They are going to love it. No, it's on spec. Let's, anyone listening to this show, please.

Just wrap it up. Send it over. Tell them. Tweet the Depends account. 25 minute Depends app. Whatever millennial is in charge of the Depends Twitter accounts. Depends. They're going to want to hear about this.

John, I appreciate you coming by to help me celebrate and to help me read this ad. It means the world to me. You know, when you, when you, when you want somebody to read an ad, I'm your go-to guy. You are. Because, I mean, you do it for those, uh, uh, Mercury's. What are they? Mercedes Benz. Mercedes Benz.

The best. Or nothing. That's how. I'm going to choose nothing. Well, that seems like an option. I cannot afford the best. Yes, you can. No, I can't.

You're a man of independent means. Sure, but I can't afford a Mercedes Benz. I guess I just get nothing there. Here's the thing. What if we get us right around on a Lime Scooter? You absolutely can't afford it. What? Yeah.

How's this financing? Starting at 32,000, the GLA. What? The best. But how's the fast? Or nothing. What's the APR? What's the?

You get like a 1.9 APR. What? Total cost, $3,600. $2.79 a month for 36 months with 2,600 do it signing. But what would I, how would I write it off on my taxes? The whole tax thing is very, very difficult for me. Look, you drive here to come to work. I know where you live.

You don't live here. No, of course. You drive here to come to work. Sure. Business expense. But who would help me with these taxes? I don't, I don't have a. I got these two guys, Henry and Roger.

Okay. The Block Brothers. Right. I call them H&R. Okay. They go deep into your finances. And they'll get you some money back. Wow.

So they go deep. Depends. Depends. So that is the, now that's the end of the ad. Weird that there's another fake ending for it. They had a couple of fakies. Very strange. And you know what they did in the middle?

Switcheroo. The old switcheroo. John, thank you so much for being here. Scott, it's my pleasure. Thank you for having me. Please come back in the next 10 years, at least once. I will, I will, I will promise you I'll be back at least once. At least once and no more than two times.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. See you then. Bye. Um, my gosh, the matting man himself. And, uh, I gotta tell you, it's so good to see him. He's one of our earliest guests, probably the most famous early guest that we had.

I mean, maybe weird Al Yankovic. Uh, I'm still or showed up for approximately 45 minutes in those early days. But, uh, wow, uh, so good to see him. He's been such a big supporter of the show. And, uh, oh no. Oh yeah. Right. Oh no.

You're thrilled. I just left you at home. You thought you did? I hitched a ride under your car. Oh, wait. No. Indiana Jones style? No.

Like that fucking monkey from Simpsons. Okay. I don't know. I think our references are very old. Who's on the side of the bus? All right. All right. Somebody knows.

I'll take your word for it. Take my word. Throw it up your ass. Take my word, please. Take my word. See so. Uh, how do you know what see so is? You're too young.

Oh, come on. You're asleep. Begging for it to come back. Okay. This is my nephew, Todd. Yeah. Uh, I, who lives with me. Who lives with you?

Been on the show several times previous to this. What's several? Three or four? Something to that effect. More like a million times. Yeah. I'm always here. And if I'm not here, I'm in the twinkle in your eye.

Todd, look, I'm trying to do a show here. I don't need interruptions like this. All I see you doing is shuffling papers, pushing pens back and forth. That's a lot of what I do on this show. Try them. It's bullshit. I see you writing questions down for your future guests. What is your name?

Good start. What is your name, by the way? Oh, yeah. Todd. Idiot. That's right. Todd is. Your very own sister named me.

Yeah. My sister, this is my sister's boy who, uh, a long story lives with me, made a wish on a. My parents abandoned me. You adopted me. Uh, you won't. Didn't adopt you yet. You won't say it's adoption yet.

See. Very informal adoption. Happening. That's a step in the right direction. You've never said yet. So anyway, that's the long story. Everybody ready? Also, you made a wish on a, on a wishing machine that made you an adult, a grown adult.

One time. I wish to be big. Most people don't even do it the one time. Well, I'm special. One time. One time. One time. And then you, you went back to, uh, now your normal age, which is.

Middle school. Middle school. And, uh, yet you still have a, uh, fully grown penis. My penis stayed big and my body got little. Do a wrap. Wrap. I'm not going to wrap for you. I don't know what runs with it.

Oh yeah. You only do a wrap with an E at the end. Oh, come on, Todd. Oh yeah. You hate rap. I forgot. Look, you can't make jokes like that. I can't.

In this era. The Mr. Met Oo era. The Met Oo era? Yeah. Never heard of it. Yeah. I'm not even allowed to see a hashtag. You won't let me do anything.

You stay away from those hashtags, young man. I've clicked a hashtag. Which hashtag did you click? One of your faves. Which one? Big bottom bitch. Big bottom bitch. That's not, I've never clicked.

I will see your explore. Your explore page is all big asses. We know what you like. Okay, look, you know, I mean. When you double click, that's what you get. It starts to know what you like. You know it's an algorithm. Oh, you know what an algorithm is?

Yeah, for my homework. Are you doing your homework? I haven't kept up with your studies. I know you haven't, by the way. And I did learn how to forge your signature so I could get out of all my detentions. Are you going to school? I don't, you know, Todd and I don't actually

like make a lot of eye contact. We keep very different eyes. I try to look you in the eye. And your eyes will go anywhere else. It's just, it's tough. Because you can't handle the real emotion of family. I, you know. It's a lot for you.

Admit it. I heard you begging and crying in your sleep. Why are you listening to me when I sleep? It's hard not to hear when I'm sharing a bed with you. Well, that's true. I don't want to see you, admit it. Put in some earplugs or something. I can't put in earplugs because my ears are closed up.

What do you mean they're closed up? What's happening? Do I need to take you to a doctor or something? I seem in too much. Well, you have a full grown adult penis. I squirmed in my bed and I got the monkey ear. Oh, no. What is the monkey ear?

Well, you spanked the monkey too much and your ears fell out. Oh, okay. Look. I can't hear a word. Is that what you're shouting? Yeah. Well. Am I shouting or am I whispering?

Here's me whispering. Here's me shouting. You slightly elongated the vowels when you shouted. That's about it. Here's me whispering. Here's me shouting. Todd, you have to stop doing that all the time, especially when I'm trying to sleep.

I don't care about your precious 15 hours. Look, I need my beauty sleep. What's never going to happen? You'll never going to get solid 15. Well, you got to try. I've gotten close. I've gotten 14, 58 seconds. So now you think people should try to follow their dreams, huh?

You really think that. You think you got to try and see what happens. Whenever I have a dream, you're always telling me it's never going to happen, short stack. I think my sister probably was pretty wise to follow her dream and abandon you. Was that the extent of her dream or her? No. She's got a much bigger dream that hasn't come true yet. I don't even know what she's doing.

You should call her. She might want to know what I'm up to in school and stuff. You could send her my new picture. It's really not my responsibility to call her. Send her my new picture. You do not have a new picture. Yes, I do. As far as I know, where did you just take a new picture, young man?

On your DigiCam. My DigiCam? The one you got from Best Buy for all your secret nudes. You said you didn't want the cloud to know? Look, please don't mess with my DigiCam. Those are my nudes. And you have your printer in your bedroom for your DigiCam. You got to print them out if you're going to pass them out and send them to people.

See, okay. Everyone on there needs to know that my uncle Scott made all his nudes into business card-sized photographs. He cuts out with jagged edge scissors that make it look like a craft project. They're not business card-sized photographs. They're more like school picture size. Okay, fine. Even more perverted. And then you use those, what are they called?

Pinking shears to make the edges all jagged and cute. And then you glue it to a piece of pink construction paper on the back. You say, for a good time, suck. Well, look, you know, I mean... What? You trying to justify it? Yeah. I can't be sending them around on phones, you know?

I mean, that's how things get uploaded to the internet. But here's what you don't know. You got to go to hashtag Aukerman Nudes. People have been taking pictures of the picture and putting it on Instagram. No, you're kidding me. I swear to G's. And this hashtag is trending? Yeah, it's not trending, it's just a hashtag.

Trending poorly? There's 10 images. It's not a trend. There's no trend. Look, I want you to stay out of my private room, okay? It's, you know, I lock it for a reason. I don't know how you're getting around the lock. Well, first of all, the problem is you locked me in there.

And you had all those dominatrix costumes made just your size, and the label says just my size in it. What's up with that? What's up with what? I mean, just stay out of my room. I don't need you in there looking at my hobbies. Why do you need a ball gag for when you're just playing online? Okay, look.

It enhances the experience, all right? This is sick. This is sick. I shouldn't be hearing that. This is sick. I don't know why you're talking about this stuff. Just stay in our bedroom. Our bedroom?

Finally, I get some credit. My bedroom that you... I do clean it. That you were there. Yeah, and you do a very poor job of it, young man. Well, I need more than one of those fake vacuums that just rolls back and forth with a little roller and a little kid uses. You know what?

I mean, it's going to take some extra effort. What, you think I'm not strong enough? I think I'm working out. I don't think you're strong enough. What have you been doing? I could do push-ups and pull-ups. Okay, do a push-up right now. Drop to the floor and give me 20.

Not 20. That's a lot. Okay, one. Okay. How about half? You want to go down? I want to go down and then lay. No, I think start down and go up.

Oh, such a horrible guy. All right, here. Watch. Did it. No, you didn't. Prove it. This is a podcast. For all of you...

For all of you... They know I just did 100. What? Why can't you be so nice? It's to give me a little more credit. You have not been working out. Let me see those arms. They made a noise as the muscle reversed itself.

Instead of going up, it went down and made a mew noise. I know what I'm going to do. What's that? I'm going to get a birthday cake. I'm going to make a wish to get big, big muscles. That's big as your head. You remember what happened last time you made a big wish? Yeah.

You got... I got big results. Yeah. For life. Not even needing a dick pill. Yeah, but... I don't even need a single dick pill. Don't you want to enjoy your adolescence?

Not really. I want to skip ahead. Isn't it so much better to be a grown-up? Don't you always love it? Every night, all you scream is, I don't want to be a kid again. What are my dreams like if I'm supposedly screaming all these various random things that have no tethered connection? And when I say scream, I mean scream, not yell.

Wow. What do our... I don't want to be a kid! What do our upstairs neighbors think? I still can't believe you make me live in an apartment. You know you got more money than that. Yeah, but I have a house that I don't want you around. What?

I have a separate residence. You have another house? Yeah. This is crazy. On our 10-year anniversary, you tell me this? That's where my man cave is. What kind of reveal? In our marriage.

This is not our 10-year anniversary. This is my program's 10-year anniversary. Why'd you give me that ring? I did not give you a ring. Yeah, you did. On the phone. I did. I called you on the phone to tell you to stay out of my office.

It's still a ring. And I don't know why I keep all that stuff in the apartment instead of my man cave at home. Probably because you got another relationship you're hiding and you're trying to keep stuff from her or him. Have I told you about Kulap yet? Whoop! Whoop did what? Okay, don't worry about her.

I'll get to the bottom of this. We have a very fun time at the apartment. At the Apollo. Just tell me what you're going to say. Showtime at the Apollo is what you... Well, you always make me do showtime at the Apollo and then bring out the cane. Yeah, I bring out the Sandman who sweeps you off the stage. Yeah.

Look, Todd. Who is that guy? He's my friend. I think it's Horatio Sands. Yeah, the Sandman. That's what I said. Oh, I misheard you all these years. Look, Todd, what are you going to do with your life?

I don't know. I guess my plans are to graduate middle school, go to high school. How many years is that, by the way? Well, it should be three, but I feel like I'm in a time loop. Yeah, I don't know what's going on with you. I feel like you never get older. I don't feel good. I feel like ever since I made that big wish, my body doesn't feel right and all my organs

are spaced out. And then you came back? And then you came back at the age you're at and maybe you're never going to get bigger. What if? Then you'd have me forever like your little personal Webster. You'd be so glad. Is that what they were doing with the Webster? They just wanted to keep him around until he was 80?

Probably. Or I don't know what else, but there are things like that where people keep him young. Yeah. Like a little pageant kid. Yeah, that's true, but you're, I mean, you're decidedly not a pageant kid. No, but you didn't make me wear that flipper in my mouth. That's true. Look, Todd, you have to have goals.

You have to have a... Name your biggest goal. My biggest goal? I'm just trying to get through to the end of life. I mean, when you're... That's pathetic. You're just trying to get through to the end of life? I'm trying.

Yeah. You know, I mean, when you're at the age I'm at and 10 years doing a show, you know, at this point I'm just coasting. Yeah, so wait, you started the show when you were 60, which means you were actually thinking big. Some people would have been done at that age. I'm not that old, Todd. You're not?

No. How old do you think you really think I'm that old? Well, counting by the rings in your asshole, you're 70. Okay. Todd, you think you're so funny, don't you? Stop laughing at your own jokes. I'm trying on new laugh. I don't like it.

Have you tried it on any of your friends? I don't have a single one to call my friend. Well, that's why you need to go to school. You're a dumb dog that you brought over. Yeah, the dog I brought over that one day. Rocky. I have some bad news about Rocky, too. Why?

What happened? Don't worry about it. I'm going to worry. Just, you know, I know I don't allow you to have a phone. Just don't check Instagram if you ever pick one up. I do go on Instagram.com. That's how I see all the hashtags. You're logged in, you know, on the shared pad.

I am? Oh, no. On the shared pad that we have? No, the pad is not meant to be shared. It's my pad. It's a shared pad. I'm doing a lot of stuff on there. Have you opened the photo booth?

No. What is on there? Check it out when you get a chance. Why don't you open it right now? All right. Let me see. Oh, that was your muscle again. I was doing a gym shot.

What is this? It's the photo booth. Oh, what? What? You don't like wiki feet? Is that what that is? I have a 10 out of 10. They say I have beautiful tips.

Your tips look frosted. Yeah, that was frostbite. That was when you kept me in the shower all weekend when the heat was out. And you said I just sleep in the tub. Well, sorry. I got frostbite on my tips and all my whole wiki count went down. So you're just uploading photos of your feet to wiki feet? Yeah, the people love it.

You know, I mean, you know fetishes. Do you know what fetishes are though? Do you know what people are doing when they look at pictures of these feet? I could take a wild guess. Okay, go ahead. Picture in, like, sex in them? Yes. And picturing, like, sperm in them?

Yeah, I mean, probably. And picturing, like, semen on them? Yeah, you said a synonym for the thing you said previously. Wait, what's the synonym for sperm? Sperm and semen are the same thing. Same cinnamon? They don't taste like cinnamon, if you haven't tasted it yet. That's just yours, and I'm not saying I've tasted it.

Look, I eat a lot of Christmas cookies. Whenever you do that and go yuck. And your own? You shouldn't do that, by the way. It's not right to get high on your own supply. Look, Todd. I know, that's why I have to steal my drugs from our neighbor. What drugs are you stealing? Come on, man. Open your peeps.

Are you high right now? Yeah, I'm stoned as a bone. I don't even care anymore. I just got baked in the middle of this conversation and didn't even notice. It's been ten years we've been together. Todd, you have to stop doing drugs. You have to go back to school. Huh? You have to get your life together.

Then I have one humble request. All right, Todd, what is it? Live from New York, it's Saturday night! Okay, that's not this show. You don't get to say that. What? Look, Todd, go back home, okay? I don't know what hour we are in this show, but I'll wrap up soon and I'll come back.

Fine, wrap up soon. And on that note, live from LA! It's comedy bang bang! All right, thank you, Todd. See you later. Bye. Oh, Todd. I hate when he shows up. I hate him. I hate him.

God, I wish he would never come back, but that's the price of having an open door policy is sometimes people like that will show up. And speaking of open doors, this door is closed right now, but perhaps it'll open in a second. And... Meow, meow, meow, meow, wheel. Oh, I know that sounds.

Meow, meow, meow, parallel wheels. Look out, loser! It's power wheels, Beth. How are you? Meow, meow, meow. Better than you, always. I don't know if that's true. It's my 10th anniversary. I'm so excited. Oh, man, I can't wait till I'm 10. Oh, yeah.

I'm so fucking lit. I'm 8. By the way, for those of you who have never heard power wheels, Beth, you work upstairs here. My mom works upstairs in marketing, and, well, I ride around on this power wheel. All day, every single day. And occasionally she...

I've never got it clear with you. Do you go down the elevator in the power wheels or down the stairs? Well, I used to go in the elevator, but now that I'm 8, I go down the stairs like a real rebel. How do you get back up? Do you have enough pow, pow, pow? Then I take the elevator back up. And I have to be like, can you hold that door? I have to zoom my little...

You're in a tiny... I guess tiny is, you know, tinier than a real car, but... Red Jeep. I thought you said Reggie. Is this like, is Reggie here? Is he here? Red Jeep. Yeah, it's a tiny red Jeep. Yes, of course.

And did you just turn 8? Yeah, I turned 8 recently. Pow. Congratulate. When is your birthday? March 3rd. March 3rd. A great date. Yeah, I was like, my mom said that she was hoping, oh, please don't be born on the Ides of March.

That was her only request. And I came early. 12 days early. Yeah, great. So what's been going on with you, Power Wheels Beth? I mean, it's our 10th anniversary. I don't know if you knew that or if you just wandered down, but we've been doing the show for 10 years now. That's so great. This show is older than me.

Older than you if you can believe it. I can't, and I won't. Older than even the day your parents did it. What do you? To conceive you. Scott, tell me what you're talking about right now. That was 8 years and 9 months ago, I believe, or 10 months ago by now.

What are you talking about? Oh, so your parents haven't... Okay, I guess it's up to me to have the talk with you. I choose you, Andy Richter. Good bye. I choose you to leave. Who is it? Oh yeah, Dash Grab'em. Oh, Scott?

Dash Grab'em, the Pokemon trainer. That's right, I get Pokemon, and I capture them, and I subjugate them, and I train them for battle, but not Andy Richter. He is gone forever for me now. And you let Andy go? Last time Dash was on the show, he captured Andy Richter into his Pokemon... What do you call it?

Pokeballs. Yes. There are many kinds. Great balls, ultra balls, master balls. Whoa, that's punk as hell. That might be punker than me. No Power Wheels, Beth here. Did you ever meet... I can't recall if you've ever been on the same show. Nope. On Chante.

That's something that I heard someone say once in France when I was capturing a Mr. Mime. Well, speaking of France, I was just about to have the sex talk with Beth here. Oh, hell yeah. I could do it for you if you want. Oh yeah, please do. Okay. This is a good way for me to learn. I'm convinced. For sure.

So, when two Pokemon love each other very much. Okay. Battle, and one beats the other one into the dirt until it's in submission. And then that Pokemon becomes stronger and grows and then lays an egg. And then you leave that egg with a stranger for like 12 months and then

it's a baby. That sounds like how I'd be brought into this world. Thanks. What's your name again? Dash. I'm Dash Grabbom. I'm going to be a Pokemon master. Oh. Dash is from the Kanto region. That's right. Where there are no restaurants. Not a lot. Just a lot of it.

There's one big Italian restaurant. But no one goes in to eat. No, it's not for eating. It's for crying, mostly. Well, that sounds like mostly what you need a restaurant for. Hell yeah. That's a sweet ride. Thanks. I wonder if you combined

the Power Wheels car with your Pokeball. Boy, that would be an exciting kind of situation. Yeah, can you evolve my Jeep into a big Jeep when I'm 16 in a thousand years? Whoa. That sounds like a really good idea. We have to get your Jeep to battle first. How does a Jeep battle? Well,

I saw someone on the street who said something that was called vehicular manslaughter. Wait, you saw something on the street? You saw a vehicular manslaughter? I'll recount the event for you. There was a police officer on a motorcycle.

Another man driving a car. I did not catch his face. Ran into a man crossing the street and the man rode away and the police officer shouted that thing I've seen is vehicular manslaughter. So you witnessed someone witnessing vehicular manslaughter? What did you say? Yes. That. Okay.

I think that's how a Jeep gets experience in battle. Oh, wow. Scott, can I vehicular manslaughter you with my Jeep right now? Oh, I don't think so. I think we want the show to go on a little longer than 10 years. Although this could be the final episode. Waiter, the Jeep. Now you have to give her a badge,

Scott. Wait a minute. She defeated you in battle with her Jeep. She did a circle around me. She was super effective, Scott. Give her a badge. I don't have a... I don't necessarily have a badge. Make up a badge for me, Scott. I want to be in Girl Scouts for the Cookies,

but my mom says no. Why won't your mom let you be in Girl Scouts? No one will take me to after school. Well, your mom works a lot. Is she a single mother? I can't recall. We tried to solve the mystery of my dad once, but it didn't go very far. Oh, right.

Well, look, I can make a badge and I guess I have some paper here. I have some scissors as well and a little bit of gold glitter and some glue. This is very crafty, Scott. I also have some quick dry paints. Wait, Scott.

You know, I think you're a vomit garbage man, but that is very good. Whoa, look at it. Here, this is just a little something I made. Whoa. You defeated the gym leader of the comedy Bang Bang Gym. Did I? Oh, that's what this badge is.

That's what this badge signifies. This is beautiful. It's like three-dimensional. It has like a dragon head. Great job. Thank you so much. It's like origami covered in glitter paint. And if, by the way, if you ever leave the building, I'm going to have to ask for your badge and if you have a gun as well.

Oh, I don't have a gun. Good. That's good to know. I wish I had a gun, Scott. My weapon of choice is Pokemon. You don't even battle anyone yourself. Pokemon do the battles for you. Well, well. Well, well.

No, that's wrong. Have you ever actually physically assaulted anyone? Yes. A man who told me to stop sleeping under the bridge. I threw a Pokeball at his face and then the Pokemon fought him for me. No, you didn't do it. I threw the Pokeball, Scott.

Does the man who pushes the button to drop the bombs over the foreign country, has he not committed murders? Is that the bomb? The bomb did a murder, Scott? Some would say his superior officers are more responsible for the government itself. Well, I am both the man and the superior officer

and the government in this scenario. Can I battle you right now in this jeep? Oh, heck yeah, but I will warn you. I have Pokemon that are strong. It's jeep type Pokemon. I don't know. I've evolved to beat the leader of the comedy bang bang comedy gym. That's true.

What type of jeep type Pokemon do you have in that ball? Are you just bluffing? This is the first jeep type Pokemon I've ever seen. I assume it's an electric type. So I should use a rock type. Maybe you should just... Hold on. Hold on, freezes. No gozies yet.

Freezes, no gozies? For how long? I'm giving you 10 seconds. 10 seconds, that's all I need. Is there a water based Pokemon maybe for the electricity? That'd be bad against electricity. I need a rock type Pokemon. I thought that your water would short out the electricity.

No, it would conduct. It would conduct. Geodude, I choose you. Geodude. Okay, this guy's just saying his name. Geodude. Oh, I like him. Dude.

Geodude. It's an epic battle, Scott. Okay, so Geodude is basically standing still and just saying his name. Meanwhile, Beth is there. Now petting Geo... Now giving him nookies. Hold on, he put on a jacket.

Hold on, he's going over to the jukebox? Dude, dude, Geodude. He's hitting the jukebox now trying to get a song to play. One, two, three, star. Oh, cool! Five, six, seven, eight. One, six, seven, eight. Five, four.

Now they're just dancing. Beth is dancing in her actual... Do it, and she's pointing her fingers up and doing that kind of dancing when you don't know how to dance and you're just pointing at the heavens and alternating fingers.

I like this Geodude. Is it a tie? What happens? Me and Geodude are going to get our mom to go make us Italian sodas. That's really just soda water that you put some flavoring in. I know, Scott, but I like seeing

how the sausage is made. Like, I'm so happy I know how I was made. Two Pokemots fell in love. They battled one into the ground, into the dust, and then a Beth was born. That's truly how your bread was made, yes. So what do you do in this situation? You're just going to go off together and you let him go?

I mean, usually I would recall the Pokemon, but my sort of MO is that whatever Pokemon I have, I just sort of throw to the wind whenever someone else wants them, or whenever I can't remember which ones I have. So this guy is like my little buddy now? Hey man, you take that Geodude

and you take a care of him. He's never had a mom before. Wow, you're a mom now. Baby's having babies. Not you. I thought you said you were going to go get our mom to make us Italian sodas. Yeah, I thought Geodude had a mom and our moms would be friends. I'm trying to set my mom up

with her more friends her own age. Yeah, I feel like where she does marketing, she only has co-workers who are older or younger than her. How old is she? My mom, 43. I can't be friends with her. I'm only 12, Scott. You're double-dig, lucky.

When I crossed that threshold, I was like, whoa, bam, there's another guy here and it's another numb. This show is 10. This show is full two hands. What? Oh no, man. I'm older than this show. You can't even do it on your hands. I'm going to be so sad when I can't do it on my hands anymore

because I'll never be able to do it ever again, but also happy that I'm double-dig. I lost that privilege when I turned nine. Are you missing a finger? I'm missing two fingers. That's right. You only have four on each hand. That's right. So when you were my age, that was when you were full hands?

That's right. Wow. Well, I'm glad you guys seem to be friends. You're so close in age, although... Everyone on your show is usually so old, Scott. It's honestly nice to be around someone who's vaguely in the same age as me. You were on first, I think, with John Ham

who must seem like a grandpa to you. God. Guys, this is great. You've made friends and I feel like this show was responsible for it. Yeah, thanks for giving me this Geodude Dash and Scott, hey, great job on double-dig. No problem.

Your show's full hands and no one can ever take that away from you. And since they cut your show's hands, fingers off. You protect them, Scott. You watch your show's hands. Okay, all right, all right, guys. I don't know exactly why you're so upset about this. Just worried.

It's just once you lose them, you can't get them back. I have asked and tried. Are you guys going off together or what are you going to do, Dash? I'm not sure. I'm not supposed to be under the bridge anymore. Mom, if you want. I choose you. Peach soda, if they have that flavor.

We do. That's great. Guys, thank you so much for dropping by. I really appreciate it. Yo! Okay. Oh, wow. Power Wheels Beth and Dash Grab'em.

Dash Grab'em, I barely have any idea what he's talking about. Anytime he's talking. Speaking of talking, is there... Any feedback in this microphone? I wonder if maybe engineer Devin, if there's something that... Sound speeds. Wait a minute.

I know those two words. Sound speeds. Let's roll it, boys. It's our current intern. This is Gino. Hello. Hi, what's going on, Scott? I got a report that you need someone to... I forget who it was. Press record, press pause.

We've been doing the show for a long time at this point. But I just... The light went up, like, hey, interns, Scott needs a hand. The intern Gino signal? Yeah, it's weird. It's just an Italian sub that they shine up in the air. Gino is our intern.

He's been working on the show for now at least half a decade. Yeah, it's been over... Since my second or third year at NASA and I'm in year nine at NASA. You don't seem to be graduating. I'm in no rush, though. Everyone tells you that college is the best time of your life.

So why would you want it to end, of course? Also, I meet all these, like, real people that work here, like you and shit. How many units do you get for working on this show? And I got one unit, like, a year ago. Please put it away, by the way. Okay, you mean, like, credits.

You're Canadian, so it makes sense. Yeah, no, I get three credits per year that I do. But then they realize I only do, like, three to four episodes a year or whatever. Yeah, exactly. So it's working out good for me. By the way, you should be doing every single week,

but you're commuting from Long Island. It's very difficult, I know. You know, it's until they build an airport that goes directly from New York to Hollywood, California, Long Island to Hollywood, California. I'm fucked. I'm on the railroad to fucking Jamaica, transfer from there for the air train.

What are those stops, by the way? How do you... Going back out? Well, if I jump on a Babylon, which is the end of it... Going backwards is interesting. Are you drunk right now? No, but I took, like, 24 Xenadrin this morning. Why so many? I just wasn't... You know, I needed a little wake me up

and I had a couple of cold brews, and then I just went through... You know, they banned Xenadrin a few years ago, but I have, like, a pallet of it from my buddy who works at GNC. Do you know my buddy, Tall Ronnie? I don't know Tall Ronnie. He works at GNC, the one here and down?

No, no, no. He works at the one at Roosevelt Field Mall. I usually pop in there, grab some bourbon chicken and some creatine and get out of there. The bourbon chicken is not for sale at GNC. It's for food court. Wouldn't that be weird if, like, suddenly you went to GNC and they gave you the chicken and vice versa? Oh, I mean, chicken is a protein.

That's true. That's a good point. It's nature's protein. What's in that protein powder? I've never quite figured it out. Whey isolate, which is some sort of derivative of milk. Whey isolate. I thought you were telling me to isle something. Isle it. Isle is now a verb.

Brother, you need to isolate, man. Before you... That's the organization that I joined when I was... No, you didn't. Yeah, no, I did. I signed up for isle. Now I give them, like, X amount of dollars a month. No, do you know what isle is? I'm not sure, but I get to feed what looks like

an adult man with a beard. For the climbing on monkey bars? Yeah, for the cost of a cup of coffee a month, I can keep this guy fed. Oh, no, Gino. You don't want to be doing that. But I got him, I started a kick, started to get him one. Yeah, well, let's catch up after the show. Okay, yeah.

I miss you, man. I miss you too. It's so great that you dropped by to... I mean, presumably, you know it's our 10th anniversary of the show. Yeah. No, I definitely knew that. You didn't...Gino, you're our intern. This is one of your main responsibilities. We've been planning this show for

months and months. I can't keep track of all this. You've been at the meetings. Okay, I've been at the meetings, but to be fair, I have been reading a lot. Before or during or after the meetings? During the meetings, I find myself reading a lot.

What are you reading? These assorted books and magazines. You don't need to say assorted books. We know that books come in an assortment. I've been reading...Well, because I used to read the same book over and over and over again. Oh, which book was that? It was the William Friedkin

memoir. The William Friedkin memoir. He put those out daily. I frequently read it. That was the issue. I called it the Friedkin Friedkin because I was trying to have my own... You're a Friedkin flyer, as I recall. I was trying to have my own...

What are these? What's it called? Memoir Diary Book. Where you talk on microphone and you record it. Podcast! You work here! Yes, that's what I was trying to do. I was trying to have a podcast called The Frequent Friedkin where I talked about the Friedkin's memoirs.

The Freakin Frequent Friedkin. Yes, the Freakin... Welcome to the Freakin... Let me do the introduction for my Freakin. So it was...Welcome to the... Because it came out on Friday night, Thursday at midnight, which is technically Friday. So I say, it's the Freakin

time for the Frequent Freakin Freakin. It's the Freakin weekend, baby. It's the Freakin weekend, baby. It's time... He's canceled, by the way. Is he? Oh, I thought you were talking about Freakin. Oh, no, no. Freakin's fine. I haven't even pitched it to fucking Hal, and now it's already canceled.

Yeah, Hal's gone. Sorry. Hal's gone. What happened? Did he open the pot bay doors? Well, uh, look, you're supposed to be here. I don't want you reading during our meetings. We've been planning this show for a long time. I'm just tired. What are you reading now? You've been doing assorted books? Yeah, I switched books up big time, which has been nice.

Big time, meaning you went to a different one. Yes, yes. And I'm reading the novelization of scenes from Italian restaurant. I didn't... I knew they made novelizations for movies. I didn't know they did them for songs. I didn't know that either. But it's a rich extended universe. Oh, it's huge.

Yeah, you've got all kinds of... And they kind of pull from other stuff, you know what I mean? Sure. There's a whole chapter that takes place in Mr. Cacciatore's across from the medical center. Of course. Is there an anthropomorphic bottle of red, an anthropomorphic bottle of white? Yes, yes. And it's weird because they like... It's one sad when one

isn't chosen. Right. Well, they're sort of like the devil and angel on the main character whose name is BJ. I'm pretty sure we know who that's supposed to be. He has a bottle of red on one soldier and a bottle of white on the other. Right, yeah. And then there's... And this is the fucked up part because, you know, you think songs

are a lot of like imagery and similes and metaphors and whatnot. And if they correspond to the music, it can make you feel the same, you know, a certain way. Right. But then when you read it as a novelization, you're like, oh, there's more literal stuff. The book opens with a guy fucking a gin and tonic.

What? But he's calling it a tonic and gin. Tonic and gin? This is, I mean... He's straight up coming in it. And he's like... Wow. It's insane. And that's what... It just caught me. It just hooked me. Yeah, well, that's a great opening scene. I wish there was a way that you could listen to books. I...

You work in the audio medium. I don't know why you don't know this, but yes, there are... Actually, I'm in audio small now, I was told. The medium's up there. You're very tiny. You seem to be losing weight. I think it's too much Xenodrine, to be honest. I'm running a constant body temperature of 106.7.

We play the greatest oldies. You seem to have lost about three pounds since you've sat down. Yeah, yeah, I'm vibrating. I truly am. I'm like, my teeth are rattling. Well, it's easy, like, you know, how much is a tooth weigh? An ounce? You lose four from, like, you know, lack of nutrition.

Dropping LBs, baby. Yeah, exactly. Quarter of a pound. Yeah, yeah. Quarter of a pound, there was four teeth that fell out of a skinny person's head. And McDonald's is like, this is a good idea. We can weigh it against a burger. They put it, like, a blind lady came out with a blindfold, and she had these two scales, and they put a quarter

pound of burger on one, and then four human teeth on the other. And they were like, it's even. And then it was like, this whole industry is out of order. This sounds like an ancient caveman trial. Oh, now that's a good idea for a book. Ancient caveman trial? Ancient caveman trial. Listen.

Ancient caveman, you sort of hat on hat at that point. We know. That's true. Yeah, we know. Well, because you just want to make sure you're not, because, like, caveman lawyer, that's a fun movie. Those are two different things. You're wearing a hat on a hat right now, by the way. What is going on here? My, because my body temp is so high. You're trying to trap it in there?

I'm trying to trap, because I'm blowing legit steam out the top of my head. I look like a football player sitting on the sideline in, like, December or whatever in Buffalo. Great wings, by the way. Buffalo wild wings? That's the episode of wings that's playing behind you, Andrew. Oh, yeah. Sorry.

It's a great wing. I keep the TV on. Sort of occupy me while I do the show. That makes sense, totally. But, Gino, how have you been? I'm talking about, is this the 10th anniversary thing now? Yes, we're doing the 10th anniversary right now. Thank God you made it. Then let's roll sound.

We have been recording the entire time. And this is not your job anymore. What is my job then? I don't even, first of all, you're supposed to get water. Water right in front of, oh, thanks for the reminder. I'm fucking dehydrated. No, I need some water. Oh, all right, yeah, we can get waters for everybody.

Kevin, can we get some waters in here for everybody? No, this is your job. Oh, okay, my bad. I thought Kevin was an interns intern, but it turns out kids are producing. I don't know what he did. What about one for me? One for you, hey, one for me, one for you, and one for the Holy Ghost.

One for me, one for them. This one's for the studio, AKA Ackerman, and the other one's for my Irishman. All right, thank you for that. I am going to take a sip here. Me too. Where have you been since? I mean, I don't think I've seen you since December, maybe the Ace Hotel show that we did. Oh, yeah, I did that one. That was fun flying in here

and doing, I didn't know you guys could do this in front of other people because it makes no sense to me to buy a ticket to see people talk on microphone when you can listen to it in your apartment. You're blowing up our entire business model here. You don't want to be doing that. No, okay, I'll drop it off. Okay, your entire business model is based on

exactly what we did. Let's go back to the drawing board. By the way, you brought some drawings I noticed here. Speaking of the drawing board, what are all these? This is what I'm calling American Hentai. I've never seen bodies in those positions before.

Yeah, these are some classic commisutric positions that I drew. See, this is me blowing millhouse. Yeah. So I call this American Hentai. You get it very nice. I'm thinking about doing a weekly show where you record you and some friends talking about it

and then you put it up for people to listen to. These are podcasts. Yeah, okay, whatever they're called. I'm sorry, I can't remember the name. I employ you. It's the same shit as credit. And exposure. Exposure, man, I'll tell you what.

I could use a little exposure at 6.7. Well, take off your two hats. Well, if I take off my first one, I will inflate. I have like a tinfoil jiffy pop thing. Oh, got it, yeah. Underneath the Rasta hat. Were you trying to keep people from reading your thoughts

or something? I was on a plane one time and a kid hit me with a pencil and it got stuck in the top of my skull for the entire ride. And I didn't know about that. And when I got off the plane, I hit it, because I'm a little tall, not fat, but tall. And I hit my head and the pencil went in

like another inch deeper. And I always wrap my head in tinfoil before I jump on a flight. It's hell at the gate. I don't know how you get through the sensors. I'm like, let me go through again. They're like, do you have a bracelet on or something? I'm like, I don't know what it could be.

And I just keep going through them. They take off your Rasta hat. And then eventually they're like, sir, I think you got to take off the Rasta hat. And I'm like, that's, you know, this is for religion. Oh, they can't do anything. So then they scan my head with the little wand and that's why.

Okay. Do you have some sort of friendly doctor who gave you a card regarding that? Oh yeah, my doctor Andre 3000, the seal. Is his name? The seal? Wait, he's a Navy seal? No, no, no, he calls, because he says he's named, his name's Andre 3000. Everyone goes like the guy from Outcast.

And he goes, no, like the seal from Andre the seal. I don't know Andre the seal. I'm pretty sure it was a Disney movie from someone's childhood. You're not mine. But I don't remember. So he corrects me up. He got me a weed prescription,

a DMT vape pen and he gets me green tea extract and Guarana and all the other like foundational ingredients. Guarana, is that lizard poop? What is that? Yes, that's Aguana Guarana is what you're thinking of. Okay.

And it's not the 80s band, Aguana Guarana. Oh, okay. Guarana is an accelerant, a sort of gecko and Nile Manada and other kind of Komodo dragons, guess what? Don't have it. They don't have it. That's the thing, man. A lot of people assume

Komodo dragons have Guarana in their poop, but that's like the main thing I'm constantly telling people. Yeah, I know. That's the thing that's always coming up. It's come up during several of our meetings, by the way. I know. Well, that's you put the book down finally. The Friedkin connection. Let me pause for a second here.

I can't wait to hear about him slapping a woman in her face. But for now, which woman? Ellen Barkin. Oh, really? Wait, Ellen Barkin or Ellen Burstin? Ellen Barkin was there? Ellen Burstin was there, but he smacked her because she had been barking. Oh, okay. And they were trying to get room tone.

And they were like, let's get room tone. She might have actually been possessed. She's barking up a fucking storm, chewing on a bone, so freaking has to go over there and go, do you love me? Do you trust me? And slaps her right in the face. And Ellen Barkin becomes Ellen Burstin because of her face. Be Burstin.

Okay. What an incredible Hollywood story. Hey, it's not mine. It's The Friedkin Memories. Well, you know it so well because you've read it so many times. It's the only book I have possession of. There's two books that have possession of me, though. Oh, really? Okay. The Bible and the Torah. Of course. Those are great books. Two of my favorites. Best Sellers.

I only read Best Sellers. Has there ever been a year where the Bible dropped down low on the list and people are like, we need to buy more Bibles. Yeah, that was the year. Sorcerer's Stone came out. Okay, right. I'll tell you what, George R. R.

Montin, if you ever fucking finish this book, he's gonna be popping off. He'll be more popular than the Bible there. Finally. Yes. Oh, yeah. More twins fucking in the Bible, though. That's true. Because Cain enabled 69. I don't know. I only read a novelization of the Bible.

You read a novelization? I read the Cliff's Notes. Oh, how is Cliff? He's good. He's good. He moved out of Boston. He's good about losing Jeopardy. He went weird out. Oh, right, yeah. Yeah, he lost on Jeopardy. Two of my favorites. Yeah, he might be on the show.

Well, Gino, it's so good to see you. Hey, so good to see you. Are you prepared to stick around and help out for the many more hours we have on the show? Yeah, totally. Whatever you need from me, I'll be in the booth the whole time. You will? Yeah. Can you see into the booth from me? No, I can't. Yeah, then I'll be there.

What they don't tell these fucking engineer guys is that you could just put a fucking little weight on the record button and the shit just record. You don't have to hold down the record button the entire time. Have you been doing that every time you've done the show? What are you talking about? You press it once, you depress it,

and it records the entire time until you press it again. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah. You've been back. I wondered why one finger is huge on your right hand. Yeah, well, that's from, you know, the male G-spot is real. You've said that many times. That's the other thing you say when you put down the book.

Well, because it's constantly coming up and Colin Anderson is like, the male G-spot is not real. And I'm like, boom! Freaking memories. I don't know why he's coming out swinging. It's the UK in him. And I'm like, hey, are you okay, UK? Because the male G-spot is fucking real.

Watch. And then I do the whole damage. So it's a combination of pressing the button and sticking your finger up your butt. Oh, I call it pressing the button. Oh, you're pressing... Wait, you're not pressing the record button with the finger that you've kept up your ass, have you? No, I have a little cup of water

I dip it into like a beer pong. I wondered why the control room smells like shit. Does it? Yes. Okay, okay. And yours in particular? I'm starting to think it might be my fault. They make those rubber gloves, you know? Yes, I know they make rubber gloves.

I'm going to buy rubber gloves, cut all the fingers off, and that's five for every one I purchase. And that is like a little fingy condom. Don't do a dickens with the... Is that called the dickens? That's called the dickens. Everyone in dickens novels has the gloves with their fingers cut off. Oh, right. And then what about in the deep dickens novels?

Does everyone have the same gloves? Those are totally different. Oh, okay, because they're mostly picture books. Do you want to see some of my... I know you brought a large stack of stuff. Look, Gino, I appreciate you coming by, even though I guess you didn't know it was the anniversary, but you have to get to work now.

How many years of this? Ten years of this, if you can believe it. And how many episodes come out a week? One or two. One or two. Jesus Christ. Never three. No, that's smart, because that's... Two is 20.

Don't want to go back to the well too often. Yeah, you don't want to hit nine hours a content a week. Only on this show. Only on this show. All right, we'll see you in the booth. Yeah, I'll be in the booth. I could do a lot of signatures. I learned Billy Joel's, I learned Rod Stewart's,

and I learned Don Mattingly's, and I learned Alex Rodriguez's. You're just out of graphic films. I learned George R. R. Martin. I found out two Rs, just like J. R. R. Token, another guy I know how to do it. What is with the two Rs with these guys? These fucking guys are like...

You know what I mean? Make my name as unpronounceable as possible. George R. R. R. R. Scott R. R. R. Aquaman. Thank you, brother. Well, Gino, it's so good to see you. All right, well, let's cut, and we'll take it again.

You just have to leave. You have to go into the booth and get actually to work. All right, I'm taking my drawings with me. The last chance to buy one. Wait, you've never even mentioned these are for sale. I'm not interested. There's one of me goat-seeing and then having a stewie from Family Guy

put his whole head in my ass. Well, these are all my interests, and they're cash on hand. All right, we'll see you, Gino. All right, goodbye. I'll see you later. All right, we need to take a break when we come back. Who knows what's going to happen,

but more of your favorites, more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Hey, everybody. We have some new merch. New Comedy Bang Bang merch in the store, and this one is really stupid. This is...

We're doing holiday spectacular from 2018. You, of course, remember... He came in and made quite an impression on everyone. About two hours in, you remember, of course, Big Dog. Big Dog! Big Dog, of course,

he don't hold no grudges. We all knew that about him the second he walked in. He came in with four completely new catchphrases, and we've made a t-shirt about him. Big Dog, he was a guy who stopped by the studios

with a steamy plate of nachos and described the shirt that he was wearing. Had the catchphrases, Big Dog, don't hold no grudges, of course. Woof, woof, spelled incorrectly. Eat shit. And who did that? All wonderful catchphrases

for a wonderful guy who came by the studio. So go get it. Arguably our grossest shirt yet. The font is terrible. Go to podswag.com slash bang bang. Comedy bang bang. Wow, what a show already,

and we're just halfway through. What's that, we're not even halfway through? Oh, shit. Okay, well, all right, we'll get through this. But welcome back to the show. Scott Ackerman here, and a lot of our favorite guests have been returning and catching us up

with what they've been going through. And wait, we'll come in here. Who do we have stepping up to the microphone? I see three shadowy figures. Oh my goodness, who is this? Announce yourselves. Hello, Scott Ackerman.

Andre P. Neuer in the building. Andre P. Neuer, it's so good to see you. Great to see you, Scott. Inventor, and I was going to say scientist, but that doesn't accurately describe you. Are you a scientist? Yeah, sure, why not? Why wouldn't I be?

Happy anniversary first. Oh, sure, let's get the pleasantries out of the way. So many people have said it at this point. Happy, and I know. It doesn't even mean anything anymore. Meaningless, right? Have you ever encountered somebody with bad breath? I'm trying to think back through my life.

Let me see. Not a once? I believe once in my life, yes. Okay, I've got a new invention. It is a plastic stick. It's got bristles on it. That's for the cleaning of the teeth. Right, do you put anything on these bristles?

Yes, toothpaste. Okay, so you know what toothpaste is. I've heard of toothpaste. You don't know what a toothbrush is. All that I know, people have been using their fingers in toothpaste. Their fingers? No, I don't think so. This already exists.

Andre P. Neuer here is very adept at inventing things that already exist and that she already seems to know the name of. No, Scott. I've never heard of a toothbrush. You've heard of a tooth? I've heard of a toothbrush. Have you heard of a toothbrush for the teeth?

Not a bad idea if you want your teeth to be straight and just brush them. Right, and you want to get all the naps out of your teeth. Instead of braces. Who's with you here? Hello, Scott. I know you recognize me. Let me take my wig out in front of my face.

Why did you have your wig in front of your face? The sun was shining in my eyes. That is bone, queef. That's bone like an x-ray technician and queef like a pussy fight. Bone, queef. So good to see you. It's been a long time. How you doing? I'm doing good. Do you know Andre here?

Andre, we just met in the lobby. Bone, I have a proposition for you. I'm sorry, my name is Bone. A bone to quick, a bone to pick. No, I do not have a bone to pick, but I do have a proposition bone. Okay, I'm interested. Can I call you Bone, no?

I'm like, ooh, it's Old Hallows Eve and queef like a pussy fight. You were wondering if you could call him Bone. Bone? From YouTube? Ooh, bone, like Bono from YouTube and queef like a pussy fight. Sure. I got a proposition for you.

We're getting to the propositions already. Sorry to jump in, but the idea of clarifying bone by saying it's like Bono from YouTube. Yeah, that's some good stuff. I have a proposition. You said you didn't want the sun in your eyes. No, that's why I put my wig in front of my face. Right, well, I have something, maybe never heard of it.

Okay. Why would he have heard of it if you've thought of it? I'm a woman, first of all. I'm sorry. I thought she was a non-binary and then I signed you. I'm nervous. I didn't have my wig on.

Why are you so nervous? What's going on? You have a brand new invention that you're trying to unveil? Yes, and this one's going to be big. Okay, what do we got? The sun over your eyes. So the sun, the UV rays of the sun wouldn't get in your eyes. Are these like glasses?

Do you know what those are, glasses? Describe them for me in three words. Harry Potter. That's three words. Harry Potter. Okay, so when you think of Harry Potter, what do you think of? The boy who lives? I think of a lightning bolt.

Oh, okay, the forehead. Or his broom. Not his penis. A little bit higher than that. His Gryffindor rope. Up, up, go up. His white neck skin. You've thought a lot about Harry Potter.

Cheeks. Go up on those cheeks, just slightly north. Bigger cheeks, okay. Above his cheeks are bigger cheeks. Up on the cheeks, I thought he meant bigger cheeks. Slightly north of cheeks are eyes. Slightly north of cheeks are eyes. Yeah, yeah, now right in front of those

are some plastic. Glasses, eyelashes. In front of those, though, there's some glass. Scott, you aren't trying to put me in a corner. I don't want to be put in a corner. Okay, I apologize. I'm trying to make, you have not, you've had me on this podcast several times.

Sure. You have not once invested in any of my inventions. Well, I'm sick to my stomach the way I show you love and you don't reciprocate. I just don't think that you'd be able to get a patent because all of these things exist already. You're talking about sunglasses. I want to talk to Bonequeefa right now.

Yeah, please do, and then we'll see who the third person is who walked in with you. No, talk to Bonequeef, go ahead, go ahead. Talk to Bonequeef. Okay, in front of your eyes, plastic, protect you from UV rays. Would you like to invest in a pair? Are they green, like the visor?

You just want to invest in one pair instead of the idea itself? You're really downgrading. Look, I'm going to take what I can get. Sure. You would invest. I will invest in a single pair of glasses. Okay. It's going to cost $1,900.

Okay. That doesn't faze you? No, I'm a wealthy community organizer, if you remember. I did not remember that facet of your personality. It's really not the main thing about me. It seems mainly like. Is that code for paid protester?

My thing is that I don't believe in sunscreen. I don't believe in sunscreen. I try to get other people to not believe in sunscreen. Your skin is peeling. That's right. Yes, I am constantly burning for a black woman, but I am burning. Black also burns.

It may not crack. People don't know the rest of the quote. Black don't crack, but black also burns. Are you not mistook? Who's there with you? The third person who came in. Let's put into the light, if you would. Get on up, out of my face.

Sugar butt is in the place. Now it's time to face your fears. Congrats, Scotty, on 10 whole years. Wow. MC Sugar Buds. Get on up, I'll get on down. Scotty D. Scotty D.

Excuse me. Scotty D. Scotty D. Scotty D. A lot more words than A does. Sugar Buds, for people who don't remember, you were a rapper during the 80s. 1983.

My name's Sugar and you're Scotty D. You fell into a coma and you recently woke up and your rap style has not changed. I'm back, baby. I'm back. Jack, white is white, and black is white. Black is white. Excuse me, black is white.

Black is white because it also burns. Now turn, turn, butter man. This is problematic. Turn, turn, butter man. This is problematic. Now who is butter man? Which one of us is butter man? Now who you calling butter man? Butter man is a man

who hangs out in the woods. Butter man, butter man, butter man. Butter man, butter man, butter man. You know that song? I've been catching up on all my music by year. Wow. Wow, the three of you, what an

hot entrance. What an amazing trio. Trio, cold is frio in Spanish. Good stuff, good stuff. Okay, I got a proposition for you, Sugar Butt. Please. Have you ever tried selling your music?

I tried it. I did it. In the ocean, it squitted. Could you please just talk to me? You squitted. Can you just talk to me? Just have a conversation. Without the tunes. Okay, okay.

You really can do it without... Hold on, hold on. That's the coma talk. Never mind, never mind. I think he needs to wrap in order to properly annunciate. That's fine. Okay. What happened when you tried to sell your music?

Because I might have something for you. I tried it. I did it. Ocean and squitted. And squitted. Then I split it. What, the profits? My pants. I got on to the ocean dance.

Look at him, and now he's doing the ocean dance. Wow, it looks... Sugar Butt, I'm sorry, I should introduce myself. My name is Bone Quieff. It's bone like a rigid organ that constitute parts of a vertebral skeleton and quieff like a pussy fart. Yummy. About what part?

You like pussy farts? Yes, how do you feel about pussy farts? You think pussy farts are delicious? Delicious. Like a piece of pie. I like my sandwiches on rye. You do? Okay, we're learning a lot more about you with every appearance.

Manace and Mortadella. What? That's your favorite. Rye, Manace and Mortadella. Nothing else? Nope. Okay, well, you know, the next time you're on the show, maybe I'll have something for you. Nice.

Let me ask you a question. How do y'all feel about sunscreen? I believe in it. You believe in it? Yeah, I need it. Otherwise, I burn. But did you ever consider Scott that you could be a darker color than what you already are? He don't want to be.

I think everyone is fine the way they're born. I know that's not right. Do you not see color, Scott? Yeah, I have no idea what you guys are. I was born with a horn on my head and that was not right, so I got it shaved off. Really? You're like a unicorn. Man, it was sort of at the side, though.

Oh, okay. So not really, Scott. The point is you can always better yourself. That's true. Come on, Bronqueef. Thank you. Entree, have you ever had any sort of elective surgery? I got my titties done. Oh, done in what way? Up or down?

I removed the nipple from each. They're just orbs now? Yes. Titties done. It was tons of fun. I'ma go to my car and get in my gun and shoot, shoot, shoot to the root. No, please don't. Tip of the tooth, rooty tooth, fresh fruit.

Please don't shoot us. Just because she mentioned titties. Watching the news. Titties obeys. I live in the city, New York. You live in New York? New York City is where I reside. I like to go and run in hot.

Talk to us. But in a rap form, please. All right. Side of bite. 60 folks. Why would you want your nipples to be gone? Because I didn't want to have children. I would be tempted to have children

just to see if my breasts could produce milk. And when I removed my nipples, I removed the possibility that I could produce milk. Do you think that there would still be a build up and it would like, you know, go backwards and go back through your butt or something? Yes. Now that you've taken the nipples off your boobs,

do you think the milk comes out your ass? My whole ass hoe. Ask my ex. He loved to eat my ass. You can ask Timothy. Who's your ex again? I don't like to say names. I briefly dated Joe Biden.

Joe Biden ate your butt. He definitely liked a milky booty hoe. Yeah, he does. You heard it here first. I can't vote. Why is that? What did you go to jail for? I shot up shock tank.

That I can understand. They just weren't buying any of your stuff? They weren't buying none of my stuff. I was banned. I don't know if you remember me mentioning that once before. Sugar butt. I want to produce your music. Produce?

Please. And what rhymes would produce anyway? Produce. That spruce, I'm going to climb it. Spruce treat. We understood. We understood when you said you was going to climb it. Auntra, you want to produce his music?

Yes. Have you ever heard of... I don't know what the word is, but something like a... A beat? I don't know. You tell me if that's what it is. That sounded like a rhythmic pattern. So this exists?

He's doing everything acapella. Right. Acapella. That's my sandwich. That's what I like to eat for lunch. He's just hungry. He came to the studio very hungry, apparently. Oh my goodness.

Oh, you like mac and cheese as well? Maybe a side. So you would provide the beat, Auntra. Does this give you any kind of ideas, Sugar Butt? Keep going. Keep going. Now I go to lunch

all of the time, and then I sit at the table and rock. I eat, drink, and shit too. Then I go, pooh, pooh. That's the same thing as shitting at the restaurant. Shitting at the restaurant. That's the same thing as shitting at the restaurant. Shitting at the restaurant.

Now the server said, hey man, did you shit? I said, no I didn't. You quit. They said, no, you fired. Is that diarrhea? Was that diarrhea? So you were sitting at a restaurant where you work and then you were fired from it? Is that the story that I'm trying to get?

I was sitting and eating at the restaurant. Then the man walked up to me and asked me, did I shit? Because the smell was coming out into the restaurant and other customers were complaining. So you can't answer questions normal. What is this important? I mean, we got a little bit

of a reason about complaining. Sure, sure, sure. Sorry to back up a little bit. No, back it on up. You know what, you was talking about voting earlier. I have a real problem with voting. What is your problem with it? The problem is that my name is bonequeef.

It's bone like, it's bone and biggie, biggie. I get high, I get high. And queef like a pussy far. Anyway, that was what I was going to say is that the problem is the sections where you put your name on the voting card are not long enough. And I don't trust people

to just understand when I say my name is bonequeef for them to get it. Because you want to put a little more on there, something to the effect of... Bone like, hey, bro, you want to sign my cast in my yearbook, have a good summer, I broke my bone and queef like a pussy. Couldn't you have just said bone

in that case? Bone is the part that people usually get. Bone like bone. There's a lot of room for misinterpretation there. What's your last name if you don't mind me asking? Bonequeef Colleges? Bonequeef is also

as a sister who drops by occasionally and... If you see it, let me know. You haven't seen your sister chief? No, she out here talking about I gotta find Carmen Sandiego. She came by a few weeks ago

but I haven't seen her since. Tell her to call me. Tell her to call me. If I ever see her again, I will. I voted for Mondale and then I got on the monorail and F cut. Oh, you don't stop. Orlando, Florida, body rock.

Yeah. So you voted for Mondale in 1984, I believe? That's right. And you're a dean for Rock Road. And then your coma happened after that at some point. Another one. Oh, you had another coma. First coma in 83

in the place to be. Second coma in 86. Sticks. Really? Which is your favorite song? Sticks 2. All right. Well, guys, it's so incredible to me that you would come by. Happy anniversary.

You were the first to say it and I really appreciate it. Yes, y'all said it as well. Happy anniversary, Scott. Happy... Will you please invest some money? Look, name one thing like a new thing. Brand new. Brand new. Something that you've never seen in the world before.

Okay. Okay. Rectangular shape. Okay. I like where this is going. Rectangular shape. Okay. Some things are rectangular in the world, but not everything. Exactly. Rectangular shape. Rectangular shape sits on the tabletop. Okay. Not bad.

We'll have a keyboard attached to it. A keyboard? You've heard of that, right? I've heard of that. Sure. You mean like a peonist keyboard? It's gonna have lettuce. Quarty. Quarty lettuce. The Quarty Letters. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Okay. Can I ask, does it calculate things and does it read ones and zeros and interpolate them as to being images and... Yeah. Yes. How did you know? You've been in my lab? I have not been to your lab late last night. Okay.

Can I ask, also, does it connect to the internet? It connects to a web that's kind of invincible. To me, it's not like a calculator to me. Okay. Well, it can calculate. Sugarbots, do you have any guesses as to what this might be? I mean, you've been in a coma for a long time. It sounds like the Apple One. It's tons of fun.

I'm gonna go to my car and get my gun. She's a rootie toot. Go to dinner, it's rooties, fresh and fruit. No, please don't get your gun. So you eat the mortadella for lunch and you go to rooties, fresh and fruit. I get a rootie tootie, fresh and fruitie. For dinner. Do it up in your booty.

But then all that milk gonna come out. You're talking about a computer, Andre. Because my nipples is removed. Andre, you're talking about a computer. These exist. I don't know what that is. Everyone has one. I will go to Sugarbots car and get his gun.

I will buy one. You buy one, please. Thank you. I do remember meeting you. You was the one to invest last time, too. A lot of haters was getting in the way, but you invested last time. Take your hand.

What happened with Bonequeef's money? I spent it. On the investments? On different things that I needed. Toiletries. How much did you invest again, Bonequeef? $60,000. $60,000 on toiletries?

Have you ever heard of the pink tax? Oh, yeah. When you're a woman, you have to spend more money on things. Everything. Do you want to get the milk out your booty? The milk out my butt. I've been trying to get the milk pumped out my butt.

More of the white tax for you. I've been trying to get the milk pumped out my butt now for a few years. If there's something I regret, it was getting my nipples removed. I'm going to go ahead and say it here. I don't usually get too personal on this podcast. Thank you so much for getting deep here. Listen, I wouldn't recommend it.

Do you cry milk also? Do you sweat milk? I do. I cry milk and it comes out my asshole. Sometimes in a involuntary manner. I got milk on your seat right now. Yeah, I was wondering.

There's a rancid punch and stench. But it's whole milk at least. I got cookies in my pockets if you want. What do you think about all this? Milk is curdled just like a turtle. A turtle club. Turtle club.

If you hadn't said turtle, what would you have said? What if some milk is curdled like a turtle? Tell me how a turtle is curdled. A turtle goes in its shell and inside of there it looks like hell. I knew that was coming. If you wouldn't have said hell. Can you do a ride with my name Bonequeep?

Bonequeep, no teeth in your mouth, screaming shout. But if you had teeth, I'd have something for you to buy. Now could you do a ride with my name, Entrez P. Neua? Entrez P. Neua. I like my shrimp on a skewer on a bobby in Australia.

Paul Hogan was in Crocodile Dundee. Now you're just informational at the end. Also, don't come to the studio hungry. Everything is about eating. You want your shrimp on a bobby? Shrimp on the bobby. Like a dog.

Oh lord. No, that is a slanted ride. The ride scheme is softer than it was. That seemed to be an A, B, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H. That is generous. I got to go, Scotty D. I got to leave the place to be.

For happy 10 years, my good man, I'm going to use my good hand shake. You're offering me your left. What's going on with your right hand? He has a gun. Please, no one shoot up the studio. It's 10 years finally. See you later.

Guys, thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate you being here. It means the world. I just left without even letting you finish. And somebody else is coming in. Wait, wait, someone else is coming in. Who is this? Hold on.

Greetings, gum shoes. Chief! Oh my. Who let this scoundrel in the door? Oh, now you know who I am? Hello, what's up? It's me, your sister, bonequeef. I can't believe it. Sometimes I wish I wasn't more fun. What are you doing here, chief?

It must be a surprise to see your sister here. It's a huge surprise, Scott. I came to celebrate you on this lovely day 10 years after you started this beautiful program. Thank you so much, chief. You're a recent addition to our program, maybe two years or so.

Two whole years. Two entire years, the entire time you've been searching for Carmen San Diego? That's right, Scott. Yes, and this is not her. This is Andre Pinure. Andre Pinure, pleasure's all mine. I cannot shake your hand. I have a bad case of contagious eczema. What's up, coming out my ass?

I'll one up here right now. Hello, sister. Nice to see you. It's me, Bonequeef. Bone, like, make no bones about it. That's a human in a skin suit. And queef like a pussy fart. What? What else could queef be like? Queef be like...

You ever heard of the meme, like, hose be like? Queef be like what? Queef be like pussy fart. What else? Pussy fart? Okay. Pussy fart. No, let's talk to cheef. Wait, what did you have to say when you were saying speaking pussy fart?

No, no, I shouldn't. That's the red text. Cheef, how's the progress been going in terms of finding Carmen San Diego? Well, as you know, Scott, the last time I saw you I was on vacation. But that vacation was shortened quite quickly as I had to hit the road

because I got a clue. You received a clue as to the whereabouts of Carmen San Diego? I received a clue from Mount Rushmore in the Dakotas. Really? That's the famous four-headed mountain? Absolutely. There's a small hill at the bottom

with William Henry Harrison's face. Oh, really? I did not know that. Sitting on that hill was one of Carmen San Diego's many minions. You don't say. Yes. And that was the clue that led you to... or the clue led you to Mount Rushmore? The clue led me to Mount Rushmore.

Okay, so then what happened? There was a mountain in the Dakotas. Sure. There, there was a hot dog cart. Okay. Were they bacon-wrapped hot dogs? No, that's a Los Angeles thing. In the Dakotas,

they wrapped their hot dogs in cheese. Thank you for that regional information regarding hot dogs. So what happened? Did you find Carmen San Diego? Absolutely not, Scott. I didn't. She wasn't there. There's a piece of paper.

Oh, okay. It says here, congratulations, Scott, on ten whole entire years of this program. You got that piece of paper at Mount Rushmore? Yes. And you decided to bring it back here to wish me congratulations. I thought it would be a nice gift. You don't seem happy.

It's wonderful. But who do you think wrote this paper? None other than that scheming ski slut Carmen San Diego. She loves the slopes. Did you get a single one of my text messages? My phone was out of commission. Did you find our mother?

I didn't have service. Who's your mother again? You guys don't know who it is? We don't know. 23 of me told us we were related, but that's about all we know. You could be searching for your mother instead of this woman Carmen San Diego. Why would I want to find that thing back? Wait a minute.

You seem to be lost, chief. Lost? In some fashion. I've got a proposition for you. Please propose. Okay. It's a circular shaped something. It is going to have, it's going to say on it,

north or south or east or west. Some hands on it to let you know where you're going. Not actual hands. Not hands. Sticks of sorts. Like the band? Yes. Sticks one. That was MC sugar, that's his favorite band.

Sticks two is his favorite song. Yeah. I love sticks too. Some hands on it. Would you be interested in investing in one of these? What would you name it? Directional God. Can I pitch on that?

Pitch on it? Yes. As long as you won't ask for any portion of equity. No, that's fine. I'll do this one on the house. What are your pitches? Let's see. What it sounds like to me is some sort of directional computer.

So let's shorten that to comp. And I'm currently chasing Carmen San Diego's ass. So let's call it a comp ass. What do you think? It seems like you have an investor. That's a good, I do like that name. How much do you need from chief here? Chief is independently wealthy as well, I believe.

I need $3.95. That's $3.95. That's how much a taco cost just outside of here. I'll write you a traveler's check. That's the guarantee of cheap tacos in the city. What was that? What happened? Hello?

Oh my god, it's Kiwi Chris. Sorry, Scott. I tripped in a hall and I figured I'd come say hi. You fell right into the room. What is the hall doing up here in the studio? I thought this was a new studio. I was home in my hostel just littering and then I saw there's a hall

and then I saw my friends here. So I figured I'd come say hi. Nice to meet you. This is Bone, I can't remember. Yes, hello, me Bonequeef. You're trying to bring up your notes? It's Bone like Dr. Evil says throw me a freaking bone here.

Okay, this is Bonequeef so that solidifies it for you. Yeah, hi, nice to meet all of you. It's a pleasure. Pleasure is mine. Just want to say quickly that in Australia, I'm sorry, in New Zealand, we're very excited about it. You forgot where you were from. Just for a moment.

It was your 10-year anniversary for a couple of hours there. Yeah, that's right. We all celebrated the fireworks when off. It was really lovely, really nice. Are you thinking of New Year's Eve? Could be that, I'm not sure. It's the same holiday, really. New Year's, one year to the next, one year to the next.

Sure, well thank you so much for making the trip out here. I know all you did was fall into a hole. Do these holes have inter-dimensional properties? Yes, they're portals. Thank you so much for coming by. Where are you staying while you're in town? Where are you staying while you're in town? Huh?

Where are you staying while you're in town? Something really powerful about repeating the same thing over and over in the exact same guidance. Where are you staying while you're in town? Probably find a hostel, you know, in Hollywood. Okay, I have a proposition for you. Are you? I'm all ears. I've got a lot of gold for my travels.

Something rectangular. This isn't a computer, is it? Well, I don't know what that is, Scott. So shut the hell up. Shut up. Okay, please, you have the floor. I don't mean to come at you sideways on your anniversary. Sure, I understand. You have the conch, go ahead.

A conch, what is that? It's a shell found in the islands. The islands of what? Fiji. Okay, okay, okay. Y'all throwing me off track here. You have a rectangle. A rectangular shaped something.

There's rooms, individual rooms. There might be people at a desk that can help you get to the room that you want. You'll pay a fee to be in one of the rooms for a period of time. It's a little nicer than a hostile. Okay. By the way, you're talking about a hotel. I don't know what the hell that is, Scott.

You don't have to invent a hotel. If you have a place, you can just open it up and charge money for him to stay there. I don't have a place. What is that word? You calling me a hoe? I'm so sorry. I paused after the hoe.

Please, please. No, it's a hotel. Like you never had some milk coming out your ass. I... Who has had milk coming out their ass? You're not seeing a show of hands here. I'll definitely have it bit by bit. Can we milk? I've got emu milk coming out my penis.

Alright. Okay, guys. Carmen San Diego has milky white breasts. The shapes of cassava melons. She has nipples, though. I would imagine, although we've never seen them. Do you think they're brown? Like Dulce de Leche.

Okay. This is a madhouse. This is crazy. What are you people doing in here? Prince Chinadu, you don't remember my name. Prince Chinadu from a while back. Long time now, Scott. You haven't called me. Long time. Oh, my goodness. Love you long time.

Prince Chinadu. Yes, I have found the best Burger King in the world. That's right. You were obsessed with Burger Kings. Yes. You found them and we're looking for the differences between them. The best Burger King in the world. In the world? Where is it?

Mumbai. Mumbai has a Burger King. Yes. And what makes it so special? Because nobody is inside of it. Really? Okay. Pristine. Quiet.

There's no staff either. It's like a palace. No. Okay. Why do you think it's a Burger King then? Because the color scheme. Okay. Orange and white? Red maybe? I don't know. It's been a while since.

It's been a long time for me too. Why? You love Burger King. I do love Burger King. I try the vegan diet. How's that working out for you Prince Chinadu? It's not going great. It's not going great at all. I've been eating meat. Okay. So you're back on the meat train. I'm on the meat train.

I once took a meat train across Eastern Europe. And what do you think a meat train is? Well... If you were riding a meat train. I think I know. Were you having a meat train run on you? It was a train driven...

What? Out there you. Chief, you know what you're talking about. Excuse me. Were you having a meat train run on you? That is not what was happening. Were you having a meat train run on you? I was on a train in Eastern Europe

driven by goats. Oh. I've seen that train before on more travels. What about you Bone? Have you ever had a meat train? I have too much dignity to have a meat train run on me. What was your name? I'm Bone.

I'm Bone. I'm Bone. I'm Bone. I'm Bone. You were at some sort of deserted palace in Mumbai, you say? You're telling me all my travels are for naught. If you had fun,

it's not for naught. I didn't have any fun. I've been very, very depressed. You haven't reached out to me one time. One time? You like the Fuji's? I love the Fuji's. That one song?

Please don't be depressed. This is a time of celebration. I forgot to say happy anniversary. We're here with friends. Maybe you don't know these people. Your name again? I'm Bone. I'm Bone.

What a paleontologist finds not what an archaeologist finds which is artifacts and quiff like a pussy fat. Does that clear it up for you Prince Chinnu? Yes. I still don't know what a pussy fat. Pussy fat. It's something that women when too much air gets into their vaginas

it comes out in an auditory manner. So are you telling me that so a lot of women have their pussies plugged to keep the air from getting inside it? Yeah, I mean it's sort of like women walking around with a pussy plug. Right, it's like those things you buy

for bottles of wine that you know you can preserve the wine. The Holy Grail is currently plugging Carmen Sandiego's pussy. Okay. This podcast is very, very blue. This is a very blue segment. This is very blue.

Well, I got to say Chief and Prince Chinnu and Andrepe Neuer and of course Kiwi Chris and then I forget your name. Oh yeah, it's me Bonequiff. I think I might be out. Okay, well I think we're out of time. It's so good of you guys to drop by.

That just got one more. Bone like I don't have a jealous bone in my body and quiff like a pussy fat. Thank you so much. Happy anniversary. Please come back for the next 10. Okay, 20. How old would I be dead? You're an older woman, Andrepe.

I'll be, I'm sure to be dead by then. I'll still be alive on the hunt for that Carmen Sandiego. And another meet and greet. I thought you were going sugar butt hunt and then rhyme and word with that. Yeah, I know you did.

All right, see you guys. Wow. So many favorites on the show. So good to see them. And yeah, I love the new favorites. I love the old favorites. I don't know how I could even pick. But wait a minute.

Who's coming in now? Oh, I know both of these guys. Oh, they're from my very first episode of the show ever. Let's talk to this person first. You know him from MTV's Human Giant. He played the bad guy I think in the film.

He played a man with a different point of view from the protagonist, I guess. No, I was just tan. Okay, you played the tan guy, pardon me. And you can see him on the upcoming Medical Police on Netflix, is that correct? Playing another bad guy, another tan guy, pretty pale.

Okay, pretty pale in this one. Welcome, Rob Hubel, hello. Thank you for having me, Scott Ackerman. This is, yeah, this is exciting. This is so exciting. I just want to get a little bit straight about what the show is about. It's a 10-year anniversary.

But is the show going to be funny or do we just talk about stuff that's funny? Oh, no. The show is just deadly, deadly dry. We explain why something is funny. We're going to deconstruct. That's all we're going to do.

Don't worry about it. Okay, look, I mentioned you're a part of Human Giant, right? You're one-third of Human Giant? Yeah. Does Aziz get more on this? Yeah, Aziz gets more. It's done by height, so yeah, so I'm four-thirds.

That's as many. No, we do the show and it's a fun show. Are you ever going to do the show again? Is that the number one question that you get? Yeah, people keep asking us that. I think we probably will do some more stuff right now. We're all just kind of doing different things. Yeah, sure, that's what happens to bands all the time.

I mean, they do different things. Yeah, we have solo projects. Yeah, we're all doing solo projects and then we're all going to get addicted to heroin probably. Okay, well, how is that going? You know what, it's way easier to get addicted to heroin than I thought. Really? Yeah, yeah, because I didn't know about it,

but what I didn't anticipate is that heroin is really fun. It is so fun. It really is. It's super, super fun. If you're out there and you have not tried heroin, by the way, if there's one message that Robin will make in part to you, no, I mean, pick it up. I mean, it's a great habit to try.

Here's the thing, I don't know if we should be spreading the word about heroin, because I think people probably heard about it by now. All right, well, I want to turn to our next guest. He also was on the very first show that we ever did. He's here from Reno 9-11. Hey, Scott? Yeah. Real quick time out.

We try not to say 9-11 when we say the name of the show. Oh, is that really? Yeah. Okay, yeah, why is that? Yeah, why don't you call it Reno 9-11? You know, Rob, we try not to invoke the worst history, basically, in the history of the United States. Oh, okay, yeah. I mean, I don't know, maybe Pearl Harbor death count.

Was that higher? How about Reno? I don't think so. What if it's like Reno, September 11? No, you know what? Rob just did exactly what we're trying not to do right there. Yeah. Actually, you weirdly made it worse. Yeah, I see where you're going. I see what it is. So let's try not to invoke Osama 9-11.

Wait, what did I just say? Hang on a second. Reno 9-11 in no way related to the greatest American tragedy that ever happened. When you created the show, did you actually maybe think of calling it Reno Pearl Harbor? No, we did. But we felt like that one was a little bit, you know, like, kind of from grandma's attic.

It's confusing, yeah, exactly. Yeah, that one was a tragedy, was a little, tragedy plus time, a little too old-time. Too old-time, yeah. Sorry, have we even finished the introduction? Have we even said that his name is Tom Lennon? No, it's Tom Lennon, my two guests for my first show. Hello, guys. Thank you so much for returning.

Thank you so much. Sometimes I feel like we come on the show as we've said before. No, I don't think so. I think this is a brand new conversation that we've never had. I think that's a very weird take on stuff. Anytime we get together, of course we got to talk about old things, but it's all about the new stuff.

But we're not going to go over stuff that we went over. Never, never. I feel like whenever we get together, we talk about something that's new in the three of us. We get together, we talk about new and exciting things. I love talking about human giant, I love talking about... You never stopped talking about human giant. I never stopped talking about it.

Yes, thank you so much. It means the world to me that you would drop by. I mean, 10 years ago. Do you remember that day? I was 17. I was 17. You're now an old looking 27. Thank you. You had that feathered hair and you had a playboy earring. You came out to LA.

You came in a trans-am. And I was full of... young, dumb and full of cum. Where did you get your cum? I'm still full of cum. I'm so full of cum. You got to release some of that. You got to release some of it every night, trying to get rid of some of it.

And I remember, after the first 40 minutes, I was like, I don't think he's going to cum. No. Wait, so you're trying to get rid of it through your penis just to open your mouth and spit it out. Oh. That's a good idea. Guys, do you literally remember that day?

I remember it very vividly, but for you, it was probably just a blip in your show business career. I remember thinking that you ruined the name and you put it over to the podcast. You thought that was a brand breaker. I thought it was a brand breaker. I thought you ruined the name. I still think you ruined the name.

We literally did ruin the name. If this catches on, good luck. But for the first episode of this, I remember it very vividly because I was nervous and you guys were very nice to drop by and do this for me. And I also remember burning the episode on a CD and listening to it later going,

was I okay? Did I do a good job? I didn't think you were that great. Yeah, not good. I mean, it filled an hour. You called to me a little ethnic. Which ethnicity? Which everyone it is, it's too much. It's just too ethnic.

I wish we could go a little less ethnic with the host. I claw and scrape to everything I get. And I'm never anything but really bummed about my career pretty much every day. Well, I mean, that makes two of us. That makes two of us. I mean, I bummed about your career. Thank you very much.

I remember Rob's part. All I ever wanted was to play that guy. And look where it got me. Doing this podcast. Rob had a more memorable part, I think. But I only remember you in it. I barely remember Rob in it. You have some great stuff in that movie.

The short version is that everyone's unhappy on the inside. Everyone is unhappy on the inside. In Hollywood, but not while they're listening to this podcast. I don't think this ever would have happened to me. I remember you were very kind to me afterwards

and said, I believe there was an email where you said, I killed. Now I'm hearing that you apparently didn't feel that way. But you're a good liar. I just thought you were very, very ethnic. But without you guys agreeing to do that first episode and honestly, your star power

that you brought to me. Big star power. What about our financial contributions? You sent me your taxes before I booked you on the show. Look at those. Why did you have to check our tax returns? Of course, appearing on the show is a tax deductible act.

And we have a lot of conflicts. That's right. You have a lot of conflicts not only with just timing. You have conflicts with a lot of performers who are on the show. I'm in some fights with a lot of kid comics. I've been following a lot of kids. Really? A lot of the up-and-comers?

No, no, no. Like little kids. Like YouTube comedians. They know that if they cross us, we'll murder them. Yeah, and like I've been to like a lot of Old Strong. Do you know Tyson Bradford? Oh, yeah. He's really funny. He's like seven. He's about seven years old.

And so you have a feud with Tyson? Yes, because I think that I just don't think he's funny. Does you know that the human giant family is protected by the state family which is a subdivision of the UCB family? Exactly, yeah.

The state family and the Mr. Show family. Very, very different families. Heads of the five comedy families. Not a lot of overlap. Except for Bob. Bob has a little bit of overlap. What overlap does he have? Bob directed

the first ever Lenin Grant movie. You were going to prison. Yes, let's go to prison. So there's a little bit of overlap. There's overlap between the two of us. You wrote that movie, apparently. Man, I always forget that on top of your

acting career, you are a gigantic Hollywood screenwriter. Why am I so unhappy? I don't know why. I think it's a combination of your personal life mixed with your professional achievements. Most of my days are spent wondering how the fuck did Hugh will get that? But you came in here on a gold

hovercraft. That's true. You're one of the richest men in Hollywood, I've noticed. Hovercrafts don't exist as far as we know but you came in floating on one and we were like, oh, I guess they did. It's even last year? I got to take it to turn it in at Jim Falk

Hovercraft and Beverly Hills. Jim Falk has a hovercraft dealership. It's weird, it says Jim Falk Hovercraft at Beverly Hills, but it's actually just on Wilshire. Really? He started cheating with the zip code there. He's totally cheating. Beverly Hills Post Office, maybe?

Post Office, exactly. Scott, who is not going to be on this podcast? Well, I had to make some cuts so that you guys could go as long as we're going. Right, thank you. Who are we bumping? You can't have every single person who's ever been on this show. Weird Al.

Yeah, he's going to be on this show. But you can't. Everybody. It's impossible. I believe we've done six. This is episode 599. How much have you made off the show in 600 episodes?

In dollars? In Bitcoin. How much is it Bitcoin now? I remember when Bitcoins were $150 and now they seem to be... Sometimes they're $1,200. And then sometimes they don't exist. And then sometimes they're $1,000,000.

I think I've made... Depending on the market, I've made approximately 4,000 Bitcoins off of this. That's nice. Not bad. Somewhere around there, it depends on the day. You guys shouldn't complain about your careers. Look at me. I'm trapped in this room for 10 years.

Oh, God, you haven't in this room for 10 years. I have. It smells like farts in here. Well, I mean, that's... It wouldn't be a comedy bang-bang if I don't fart approximately 10 times. What's your all-time favorite episode of the show? All-time favorite. Of this show? Episode 1? Probably episode 1. We had such an interesting conversation during that episode.

Worst guest ever. Someone that walked out of here and you were like, fuck that guy. Look, and people constantly ask me this and people are constantly trying to get me to talk about the one or two episodes where people have walked out in anger. But probably Rob Hubel.

Wait a second. That's me. That is you. Surprise. Oh, my God. Surprise. It's Rob Hubel Appreciation Day. Well, guys, I really thank you for dropping by. We have to be over at WTF in like a couple minutes. We're doing WTF.

Damn it. Of course you are. He records his intro when you're not there. We're just jumping right now and then we go straight over there. He vans. He does like a whole thing. Now that's a podcast. That's one that's going to... All right. Well, have fun doing episode 8 million of his or whatever the fuck that is.

That guarantee we won't. He makes Bitcoin. He makes Bitcoin. Well, guys, I really do appreciate it. I feel like you're really trying to shoe us out the door here. Yes, please go. Even though it means the world to me that you did the first episode and this episode, you have to go. Oh, my gosh. Look who's at the door.

Who is it? Oh, who's it? Step into the light. Hey, everybody. It's the guy you're working on. Now, how many... High five for me. Oh, my gosh.

It's little Gary, the tiny little weirdo who used to come by the show. And I burned so bad, man. The scarred, scarred little... What happened to him? I was cooking... I got my face right in there. Oh, I got my face right in there.

You got your face right in there. Oh, my gosh. Do you look... While he was cooking? Yeah, cooking. Your entire body looks like it was just crushed between a panini press. Look at my genitals. I'm going to pass on that offer

to look at your genitals. Little Gary, what have you been up to? I haven't seen you in maybe six years. I haven't seen... I'm sorry, you're going to have to translate. I was trying to open a new Guy Fieri establishment. You were trying to open a new Guy Fieri establishment?

In Juarez. I thought he said the word Juarez. Then I found out it was more like a prank. Oh, someone was pranking me. Was this an Ashton Kutcher pump situation? I will never know. You will never know? There was no infrastructure.

What a terrible show. They have you go and open up a whole restaurant in a different country. Guy Fieri restaurant, and then they never tell you who was instigating the prank? Who would do that to a person? Who would do that? Who would do that to a person?

Who would do that? Are you asking that? Are you asking... I also feel like are you saying the word replacing? Did he say pussy? Are you talking about pussy right now? Not that kind of show. He's taking a lot of pussy. That's a little dirty.

I'm going to pass away now. You're dying because the last time you were on the show you were still alive and then people wonder where you went. I was in a coma. Oh, you're in a coma. So you're going to officially die right now? Look at this arrow. Someone shot an arrow in your back.

Someone shot an arrow in his back. Do you want me to bury you anywhere? What is your name, little Gary? Yeah, bury me. I like to pet boys. And he's dead. Oh my god, his last word. Take him and bury him at the pet boys.

That's a good advertisement for pet boys. Pet boys. Brought to you by pet boys. Pet boys is bringing pet boys to itself. Well, Tom is gone. Tom, okay, you're back. Thank you so much for being here. Who's the little dead guy? This guy, little Gary. Have you ever come across him?

No. Weird genitals, though. Very weird, and scarred. The scarred part of it is not the weird part, either. That's the strange aspect of it. Guys, I want to really thank you guys for dropping by. I want to wrap it up, but I want to wrap it up.

Hey, man, we're going over to WTF right now. Don't worry. That's fine. You have fun over there with Mark. I'll just be here for another 10 years. Have fun with Mark? It sounds strange coming out of my mouth. I don't even think even he would find that out. Yeah, he would get it.

Guys, I appreciate it. We're back here in 10 years. And we'll have various things to talk about. Maybe we'll talk about Reno911. Maybe we'll talk about Human Giant. I would love to talk about it. I got to plug Human Giant more. All right, guys, thanks so much for dropping by.

Thanks for having us. Wow, I love those guys. The very first guests on the very first episode of the show and possibly the very last guests on the very last episode of the show if no one else shows up and we still have six hours to kill. Oh, boy. Wow. So good to see them.

And I think that... Who's this now? Hello, Scott. Oh, my... I'm in shock. I cannot believe it. It's our old friend, the Icelandic singer-songwriter Björk. Hello. Welcome back to the show.

I haven't seen you in so long. Welcome back to life, Scott. I... I don't know what you mean by that. Welcome back to life. I'm very confused. I'm overcome with emotion. I thought you were dead.

Bye. You thought I had perished? Yes. I got the e-mail from your wolf and I am speed reader with my e-mail. Why do you speed read your e-mails? I get so many e-mails and they pile up so I like to speed read them.

How fast can you read an e-mail? Would you like me to speed read out loud one of my e-mails? How long was that e-mail? I would guess maybe less than a sentence? No, I have to say it's about a paragraph about six sentences. Wow, that is incredibly quick.

I don't know how much you know about speed reading and puns. Exactly, but it's a radio show. It's a radio show. But you only read like every six words. Is that true? Now I always thought it was

you look for the subject and then you look for the noun. You leave out prepositions. You look for the noun and the verb and that's all that you retain. I even look for less than that. I'm faster than a... I'm one of the fastest speed readers in the world actually.

It sounds like it. But there's a whole other segment of society that just knows me as a top-notch speed reader. Next time you're on the show I definitely will introduce you as the top-notch speed reader. I promise you. So how did you...

What words did you read? I just read... Did you read Scott and Dead? I just read Special and Scott and I assumed you were dead. They wanted me to show up and do something special and I...

I'm so sorry to disappoint. Are you upset I'm alive or you're upset that you got the speed reading wrong? No, I'm upset. I'm just overcome with emotion. The very thought of me being dead. Yes, it's wonderful that you are alive, Scott. Now, why am I here?

Well, it's the 10th anniversary of the Comedy Banking podcast which you've been on for so many years. But what's the big deal? I know it's not ending. It's just, I guess, a celebration of an amount of time. A decade of Comedy Bank.

And that's it? I mean, yeah. Just 10 years. Just 10 years, yeah. I mean, and maybe a few more after that. It's not 25, that would be special. I realized

that the Motown 25 special was an incredible television event where Michael Jackson, oh, by the way, he's canceled, moonwalked across the stage, but unfortunately, we haven't been on the air for 25 years yet.

Okay, that's why I thought when I spayed reading, you used intuition, too. I must have seen 10 and gone, that can't be just that. So you saw Scott, 10 and special. Those were three words. I just assumed you would die 10 days ago or something.

I worked it into another logic. I'm happy that you're alive. I appreciate you dropping by. It's confusing what the theme of the show is, but I'm happy to sing. I was set to sing in a memorial to your a song, a special song.

I would still like to hear it. I feel like Tom Sawyer at my own funeral, but I would love to hear what you were going to sing about me. So, yeah, I see you brought a guitar here. Yes, you know this song, Candle in the Wind.

I do the Elton John song that he wrote about Marilyn Monroe updated for Princess Diana. Yes, after Princess Die, I believe she died in a car chasing Fast and Furious sequel. She thinks she was a stunt person

on Fast Five? I don't remember, actually. I remember she died. You don't have one of the world's greatest memories. She died in a car crash. Were you speed reading movies as well? Yes, I only watched subtitles.

Speed reading subtitles. Yes, well, it was about Princess Die the last time he sang it. Maybe there's been an update since then. I don't really know. How did she die? Princess Diana, she was in a car that crashed into something.

I don't know what it crashed into. Another car, a telephone pole? I really have no idea. It's not important. Okay, I didn't think it was. Is there any lyrics about Princess Die dying in this? No, I sped read those lyrics, too. But the one thing is that I rewrote the song again

to be about you. That's Fanta. I kind of, you know, I don't know whether Elton John would take Umbridge with the fact that you're rewriting his... I don't give a shit! I don't give a shit about Elton John! I have worked with him! You worked with him?

I don't re... I've done the same concerts. I've done at least four liveings with him. Okay. If I see him again, I will take his old hands and put them. I'll take the lid of the piano and I'll lift it up.

I'll hold one of his hands there. Now, smash it down! That is the worst thing you can do to a piano player. Smash it! They always go, oh, my fingers! My feet! Surgeons and piano players, look for their fingers.

I wonder if surgeons ever play the piano for fear of that thing coming crashing down on their fingers. Oh, vice versa. Or I wonder if they ever open windows, you know, in case the window comes crashing down and crushes their fingers on the sill. And do piano players ever do surgery? Probably not.

They don't try to cut themselves with a scalpel. Well, I would love to hear this song, Bjork. Okay. It's... You've calmed down. I don't ever be singing it to you, Scott. So I might be able to overcome with emotion. Okay.

Well, this is Bjork singing her update of Candle in the Wind. Goodbye, Scott Ockerman. Though I never know you at all. You... Some of the words are very close to the original. Just like the first read.

So far, I think Scott Ockerman is the best. So far, I think Scott Ockerman is the only difference. But I don't know you at all, Bjork. Most people don't. A few interactions, yeah. So far at hold up.

So far, the original lyrics hold up. Goodbye, Scott Ockerman. Though I never know you at all. You had the grace to hold yourself while you scratched your balls.

Underneath the table in the podcast studio, we don't know what you're doing. Because your eyes would glaze over as you worked in that sack. And it seems to me you lived your life

like an asshole who did not care. Never knowing what the guest was saying while your hand was in your underwear. And I would like to have been interviewed by you with your arms severed off.

But the last time I was on your show, I saw you stiff your fingers when I scratched your balls. I'm so sorry it's so weird to do it in front of you. And it seems to me you lived your life

like an asshole who did not care. Never knowing what the guest was saying while your hand was in your underwear. And I would like to have been interviewed just once by you

with your arms severed off. Because if your arms were severed off then you wouldn't be able to scratch your balls. I understand the premise. Right. Unless you had like a... I guess you could do it with one foot. With your arms severed off

and your feet and not to train the balls to scratch your balls. But the last time I was on your show, I saw you sniff your finger and you scratched your balls. Right after you scratched

your balls. Every guest has seen you do it. Right after you scratched your balls. It's all so quiet. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh.

And I pictured that being the end of the memoriam as I transition it. It's so quiet. That's the end of podcasting as we know it. So it's like shhh. To podcasting world. To a moment of silence

and podcasting. It's all so quiet. I'd like to think that if I stopped doing the show all podcasts would have to stop. That's a nice sentiment. That you would assume that. I don't think anyone would buy it beyond that day of the memoriam.

I can't say it was moving. It definitely did move me to certain emotions. Not necessarily grief or... It's so sad. I think of you as Ted. It is.

Promise me if I do die that you will not show up to my funeral and play that. Why? It'll be old by then. It'll be an old song. You're not embarrassed about scratching your balls. I don't think I do that.

That's why we admire you. It's the truth. This is a very high table. This is very low chairs. The fact that my hands are underneath the table does not necessarily mean that I'm doing that particular. But there's always a sound too.

Like a scratching sound. And there's guests on that side of the table. Please don't deny this. I really don't think... There are crabs or something. If I'm doing it, it must be involuntary, but I don't think I do it. I always saw it as a power move.

It's just... I don't care what's the answer to your question as guests. Like man-spreading? I don't think I do it. But Bjork, that was very nice. I appreciate it. And please tell me you'll come back on the show more often. I mean, we haven't seen you in so long.

I will. And don't do anything to Elton John. Don't... Meet him, is that it? If I see that little... I will make him eat his oversized glasses. And then I will take the piano lid and take out his little

tiny old gray balls. And boom! And done again! Okay, please don't do that too. I won't mention his name, but Reg, don't do that to him. Don't do that to me. Stick a candle up his fucking asshole.

That would be a terrible, ironic way for him to go. Yes, rewrite those lyrics now. Especially because, you know, the asshole is where the wind of the body comes out of. Very good stuff. All right, Bjork, it's great to see you. Thank you so much for dropping by.

Goodbye, it was an honor for me to be here for you. Okay, we need to take another break. But we will be right back with more of your old favorites and new favorites. We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Life. It's like a choose your own

adventure book where you don't get to choose your own adventure. Isn't it when you think about it? You know those choose your own adventure books where it's like, if you want to do this, go to page 68. If you want to do this, go to page 35. Well, life is a little more like

things just happen to you, and you don't have the opportunity in life anything can happen. You... maybe something positive can happen like you buy a dream car. You upgrade to the Camry XE.

You know? Or maybe and maybe you do that on impulse. You just one day you're like, hey, this is looking good to me. Maybe you come home though and something bad has happened, like someone broke into your apartment,

or maybe you say yes to a proposal from your significant other and you start growing a family. Or on the exact opposite end of the spectrum you find yourself an offender bender when you least expect it.

Look, all of this, sometimes things just kind of happen and we're along for the ride, aren't we? Well, whatever happens when it comes to home and auto insurance, State Farm is here to help. Between the ups, the downs, and everything in between,

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to help life go right. Talk to an agent today at 1-800- State Farm. State Farm here to help life go right. comedy bang bang Scott Ackerman here and we're hearing from a lot of our old favorites and hopefully that will continue because I love

the old favorites and I'm sorry, did that actually did you pick that up on the mic? Oh yeah, it's okay. Sorry, sir. I'm in the middle of a program here. I am actually I'm here from Buzzard and I'm writing a little piece on you so I'm just

I'm going to shatter. Buzzard. I'm not sure. Do you mean Buzzfeed? Is that? No, it's a brand new website. We kind of cover sports, entertainment, politics comedy, fashion, art and kind of popular tourism spots. You know, we're kind of, you know, we're the

buzzard. We're picking up the carcass sort of hovering above the carcasses of everything that's out there. Actually, that is our slogan. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Including the sort of? We put it in there because we want to feel like we're fresh and we're interesting and I'm so excited 10 years. Under which banner of those

things that you covered does comedy bang bang fall under? Tourism art and we're going to put it in the comedy category. We're going to we have like a matrix. Yeah, we do have a matrix. Do me small favors. No, no, we're connecting with a whole kind of listicle thing about podcasts

and so we're that'll be coming up in a couple months. We're just kind of kind of checking out the technology. Okay, thank you. I guess tourism. There are a lot of tourists and people new to Los Angeles who are on the show. So I guess it makes sense to wander in here. It's a stop, you know, it's a stop and you know, I just feel like it's one

of those places you see the man's Chinese Theater, the Capital Records building, the Ear Wolf Studios, the Hollywood sign. You know, it's one of those things, those staples on the one of the top four in Los Angeles. I mean, it has to be, you know, and it's, you know, they always say

it's a shame the Hollywood Walk of Fame doesn't translate all the way down here and then I found out it's on sunset. That's why it doesn't exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's almost like it should just continue downward a little further and have like podcasters on the. I would love that. Maybe you maybe

call it like a podcast street or something. And again, I'm an idea man. Change the name of the street to podcast street. Well, like I just, look, they do it for celebrities. They do it Obama Boulevard. That was something short Chevy Chase. Maryland, right?

That they named almost a whole place in Maryland after this guy on Saturday Live and he wasn't even there for a long time. I guess I was thinking of the streets in Glendale. But again, that's more of the Bob Hope who was a great war hero. I don't know. But

anyway, I'm excited to be here with you getting in your mind. Thank you, sir. But what we're doing here is we're having a lot of older guests kind of returning it is an open door policy. So you're you're certainly welcome to rest your feet a little bit. But exactly what do you think you're doing here?

I'm doing a an article on you about the 10 years of comedy bang bang. And I'm just going to kind of just I would love to ask a couple questions. I want to just pop it in. I'm going to do one of those things where I just interview you and whatever you say, I'm going to put it in the article and that will be like a little Q&A style

thing. Yeah, it seems to me like these days, that's really all interviews are is they tape record the interview and then they transcribe it. Yeah, just keep everything in there. Your arms, your eyes and slap it right. Slap it right in. Yeah. So that's what you have in mind. Yeah, just so but if I can actually get this tape and that's

that was the thing. My tape recorder is broken. So I figure if I came in here, this will be a podcast and no problem. Don't worry about it. You can transcribe it and get it all done. Great. Okay, wherever you get it. Let's go back to the podcast. Oh, love it. First question. What is a podcast? Oh, okay. So we're going back that far.

Yeah, let's get in. Let's get into it. So you're one of the only people with a podcast. Oh, no, that's not the case anymore. It may have been in the in the beginning. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Okay. Well, podcast is sort of an iPod broadcast.

Keep it a little bit shorter. It would be great. Shorter than that. Our audience once again have those quick hit, you know, this quick Okay, sure. I'll try to keep it shorter. Program Sorry. Yeah. Okay. Content. Love it. Okay, great. That's great. Good. Question one

done. Love this. This is great. Okay, so you have the world's first podcast. No, I wouldn't say that. There were plenty before me. Never not funny with Jimmy Pardo. Yeah, I'm going to put it in there because it's going to be a little bit more clickable for our audience. Okay, I can see that.

Okay, so I think that that's as long as you put me disagreeing in there, you know, it will will figure out. Well, we'll suss it out in the mix. You know, we'll just yeah, you know, I kind of just give my tape to my editor and he actually doesn't even live in Los Angeles. He lives in Cleveland. He runs the whole site out of his

this house. Was that named after the Cleveland show? I think it was and that show wasn't even that successful. You must think that the state is so upset because they banked so much on it. I mean, you know, Springfield obviously makes sense of Simpsons a very successful. What are they going to change Massachusetts to just family guy?

I mean, I've signed the petition online numerous times. I mean, how many signatures do they need to get? Yeah, I think you can only do one. Yeah. Well, I do change my name and I do have multiple email addresses. What is your name, by the way? We haven't even gotten to that. Oh, Chip Garvey. Chip Garvey. Yeah, very nice

to meet you. My dad was Malcolm Garvey. Steve Garvey. Oh, no, no. Oh, Steve Garvey, the bait. Yeah. No, who's Malcolm Garvey? He actually works in plumbing. Oh, why would you mention who your dad is? You don't find me introducing myself and mentioning who my dad is as if that's an explanation

for my name. I just, you know, I just thought, you know, it's always nice to have a little bit of, you know, we're in that kind of Game of Thrones era where we need to go backstory and everything. Oh, I see. Okay. Yeah, so my dad did work in plumbing. And that's what my mom was a teacher. No, I don't need to know your backstory. I think that you're asking me about my backstory. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah,

yeah. But I think we do share some similarities. Was your dad into plumbing? He was as into it as taking, you know, two or three shits a day. Sure. That's very healthy. You know, and that's actually going to keep according to my dad, the more you flush, the better off you are. You may lose some of the

valve stickiness in the toilets. But you think that it, you know, forcing the water through those pipes actually cleans it out a little bit. It just keeps on going, yeah. That's a good tip from a plumber's son. Yeah, you know, and, you know, they always say, you know, my father is Mr. Garvey. I am Chip, you know. Sure.

Why are we talking so much about you? You know what? I honestly, I just got lost in the whole thing. All right. So this is the 10 year anniversary of, okay, I'm sorry to get through my notes here. I can say it was never not funny. No, that's a different program. Although

they're great. You could maybe do a listicle about them. Oh, I love that. Okay. This is a comedy. Oh, come on. I got a guy. Come here. Boom, boom. Bang, bang. Bang, bang. I mean, really, it's no different. What do you think about guns? You're saying a lot of stuff about guns. You know, this is like a thing. I mean,

I want to get to these issues. Yeah, I don't know that this is the place to really have this sort of debate. Okay, I'll ask the next question. Thoughts on Louis C.K.? I don't know. I know this isn't the place. Oh, all right. I'll just go to the next one. You've never been a guest. Okay, all right. All right. Great. Great. Great. Not for our lack of trying to get

him, especially in the earlier years. Okay. All right. Great. They're just kind of popping these questions out. I have to ask a couple of these questions. Okay, sure. I know that you're trying to ask these provocative questions in order to get clicks. Who was the worst guest? That's a classic.

Yeah, who did you hate? I think... There's this guy Chip Garvey, who's kind of annoying me. Oh, okay. I'm going to write that down. Chip Garvey. Wait a second. That looks like my... Oh. Was there somebody who had my exact name? There is someone who has your exact name,

who's a very annoying guest. All right, all right. I'm going to Google that. Okay. Okay. Worse guest. Got that. Okay. Talk to me about process. The process of making the show? Yeah. How do you get... All right, so you come up with

the idea for a podcast and you have to, like, figure out where does it air on Netflix? Does it go on TV? How do you get it from... Yeah. A podcast... It's actually something that you can get, you know, anywhere. You can get it

on Stitcher, you can get it on Apple, you can get it on Spotify. But the Stitcher app is terrible, though, right? That's what I hear. Yeah. I tried to use that. I could barely understand it. Yeah. And this is a podcast company that makes that. I have no horse in the race. Okay. At this point, so I don't really... That's okay. That's fine. I just, you know, sometimes,

I mean, I did review a couple of podcast apps and that was like, that was a bad one. I was like, I was like, it's funny. Look, I've never been on it. I have no idea what the UI is like. Oh, yeah. Well, the UI is bad, believe me. I'm a tech guy too. You're a tech guy. Oh, yeah. I did like a... And you don't know

what a podcast is. Wait, you did a vacuum, what? I did a vacuum cleaner. The best vacuum cleaners you can buy on sale at Amazon. And I did like a kind of... What was the number one? Ah, you know what? You're kind of putting me on the spot. I think if I remember... You should be on the spot if you're writing that article about it.

That's the spot that you asked to be in. I based it on pictures because they always say pictures worth a thousand words. So I put the three pictures of vacuums up there. And that was your word count for the whole article? Yeah, it was like... I think that's three thousand words right there compare and contrast. Yeah, I'd love to see that invoice. I think... I am

still not paid. I wouldn't pay you if I were them. So I understand. I have to turn around 15 articles a week. Oh, wow. That's like two a day plus an extra one on Sunday. I know. And I tried to do... I mean, the Sunday one is what I call it mass. And I kind of just go and I just kind of talk about what we're

thankful for and stuff like that. I do... What are you going to change mass to family guy? I wish. I wish. So Scott... Yeah. Tell me. Garvey. Okay. Tell me who is your favorite guest? Wow, there's been

way too many. We've done almost 600 shows at this point. Wow. Anyone ever get killed on the air? Yes, actually. Several people. Wow. Yeah, constantly. I don't know why it's... I think... Was my cousin Todd dead for a long time? I don't even remember. Yeah, the bodies were piling up for a while.

I actually am sending one of our interns. He's right out of high school right now. He's going to listen to every episode consecutively. Oh, I'm sorry. He's going to binge it. We're not going to let him sleep and we're just going to have him write a review of the entire... Of the entire thing? The entire show. Yeah. Binge it.

That's going to take a while. I mean, that's probably a thousand hours worth of content. I know. But you know what? A doctor... Void said, don't do it. And we said, get out of here. You're lame, old man. Uh-huh. We're just kind of putting on the headphones and just not going to say no sleep till that article's

written. Yeah. I mean, that's 40 days without sleep. So... Jesus did it in the desert. Hey, that's true. And we're... And we have so much more technology. Let alone the nights. Yeah, exactly. 40 days, 40 nights. Oh, my gosh. Ann Haish, never better than in that movie. Oh, man.

And then Adam Sandler with the 8 Crazy Nights. Oh, my gosh. And how about Blind... What is it? Blind Ray Charles. I love the movie Ray. Ray is great. And Jamie Foxx is a talent because he can do everything. He's more than just a mimic in my opinion. Oh, he got into the soul

of the character. I mean, when I did my recap, I did a recap of every Jamie Foxx sitcom, every episode of the sitcom that he was on. Right. What was that one called? It was the... It was on... Was it on Foxx? I think it was called the Jamie Foxx show.

Not on Foxx. Not on Foxx. Yeah. More on the CW or UPN. Yeah. Again, I write so quickly and I watch all this stuff. It comes in one year and out the other because I'm kind of watching the Jamie Foxx show in front of me. I'm writing an article there, but I'm also then listening to, you know, a YouTube video

because I've got to write that article. Sure, yeah. Your life sounds really, really bad. Hey, well, you know what? I love journalism. I love work for buzzard and we get paid by the article that's 15 articles a week that is $30 a week that I pocket. You get paid

$2 an article? Yeah. I mean, don't tell the people who work for free, but yes, I get paid $30. This is a bad system. I mean, you need to tell buzzard, is it? No, I don't... Who owns buzzard? I mean, are they owned by a bunch of rich people?

No. Well, look, we are we are a company under Jeff Bezos. Jeff Bezos himself. Yes. So he bought the Washington Post and he bought buzzard. Okay. And he's keeping this organic or what he said. We're still in the house in Cleveland

and, you know, that's where the base of operations is and he doesn't want to interfere with us, you know. Okay. No, he's the richest man alive. I mean, and he's there's so many ads. He's so rich, he's giving a ton of his money to his ex-wife and he doesn't even give a shit. No, I know. Oh, by the way, speaking of ads,

I have to do an ad right now. Oh, yeah, go ahead. Need a jacket? Of course, we all do. The best jackets come from a jacket maker all the way from Ohio. That's right. It's chips jackets. Chips jackets are made from locally

sourced jacket farmers all the way. Are you are you making jackets on the side? I have to. I go to the Salvation Army and I you just pick up jackets and say, is that your jacket? I cut a hole in it and I sell them online for a hole in it. Where? Look in the sleeves or something like that. Oh, okay.

Distressing, you know, Michael Jackson style. Oh, no, we can't talk about him. He's canceled. Oh, okay. Well, I don't know if you've been watching HBO recently. I don't have it. I bothered my my my dad's login, but then my dad said, you know what, I can't just like, you know, I can't just get on the

dole all the time, you know, so I have to. Yeah, I can't watch it anymore. That's too bad. You should really keep up to date with things that are going on in pop culture if you're going to work for buzzard. Well, I mean, if I if I look, sometimes I'm just on art and I know a lot about art and a lot about what do you know about art? And this is what I'm confused about. Well, I did

a piece on this guy who only used Captain Crunch for his art. Okay. That doesn't sound like art to me. That sounds like it was in a gallery in a subway in a subway sandwich shop. Yes. Okay. I don't think that this is a gallery as much as they just have like

popping up all over the place. Believe me, I'm out. I'm crushing the beat. You know, I'm watching improv and laundry mats. I'm seeing it all. Yeah. Some of the best new improvisers are in laundry mats. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. You know, wash, fold and say yes. Okay. And that's

what it was. Yes. And yeah. Wash, fluff and fold and yes. Fluff. Fluff and yes and fold. I don't know. We're not going to figure this out. Either way, I'm going to use it as an article title because I do need one for that one. Yeah. You've been writing the entire

time you've been here, by the way. Yeah. I just actually published two articles while we've been talking about. Not about you. One was on the best jackets you can get that are locally sourced from Ohio. Okay. You were just reading back your own article then for that ad. Yeah. Because 90% of our site is ad driven.

Yeah. I would imagine almost all of it is ad driven. What else would drive it? I guess content. But I mean, yeah. Yeah. So it's 90% ads. I see. I thought you meant to where you get the revenue. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That's the page. When you go on the page sometimes it's hard to figure out what's the article. Oh, really? Just a lot

of pop-ups or are they just embedded right there? Fun games and stuff like you can shoot like a penny at like the Lincoln's head. And if you do it enough time you get like a free Amazon card, but it doesn't really work. You just get sent to the site that kind of steals your credit card information. Oh, okay. That sounds cool. Yeah, it's cool. I mean. Look, Chip,

I would get out of this business. I mean, this is draining your soul. No, no, no. Let me ask you a question. Any spoilers for the upcoming season of Comedy Bang Bang? No, we haven't recorded them yet. I have no idea. I'm still trying to finish this one if you would maybe end this interview. Okay.

I'm not here. I'm just. You are here. I'm watching. I'm just a fly on the wall. I do need these tapes. I think the interview is going good. All right. Let me ask you a couple. Let's go to the phones. We, no, we don't take phone calls. Okay. No, wait. Why would you want to go to the phones? Okay.

You're not the host of this show. I just, you know, I thought we may have phones. I'll just ask you. Why are you on your phone right now, by the way? I'll ask you a quick question. Okay. Friends or Seinfeld? Meaning? Friends are, it's part of a larger quiz where we're asking a bunch

of different celebrities. Friends or Seinfeld? I wish Seinfeld was my friend. I worked with him once, but I wouldn't. You work with Seinfeld? I would say we're friendly. We were friendly to each other that day, maybe. So you like you like Seinfeld over friends? Well, I'm trying to think if I've ever met

any of the the actual friends. Yeah. Oh, Jennifer Aniston, I guess I met her. Courtney Cox? Never met Courtney Cox. Here's what I'm wondering. And I've asked this on the show for so many weeks and no one will tell me. How did the friends

know each other before the first episode of Friends? Because we know Jennifer Aniston came in and was Ross. You watched the flashback episodes? No, that's the thing. I would watch them if someone would point me to them or like let me know like what the situation is, but I keep bringing

it up. I keep asking and no one will ever tell me. It's like Twitter is a wasteland out there. No one know what? AA. They all met at AA? AA. They're friends of Bill W. Yeah, exactly. That's why the show is so popular is because it showed how they

respect the code. They never talk about it. Wow, that makes sense. They're all in AA and I think that's what gives them this kind of edge. You know, they're trying to find happiness now that they have to stop. Now that they have to restructure their life around. They have this meeting at a coffee shop

or that's why they drink so much coffee. Exactly. Okay, this all makes sense. Yeah, and that's why Phoebe's sister on the show is an alcoholic still. So they kind of shun her a little bit. Yeah, I would too. Yeah. Why wasn't she one of the friends? Because she's an alcoholic. It all makes

sense. Yeah. I mean, there you go. Well, thank you. I finally got my answer. No, thanks to any of the listeners out there. Yeah. All right. So we got the Seinfeld friends. We got that. That's a piece. We'll put that out tomorrow. Okay. I really hope you don't. I mean, just rank your seasons.

Rank your episodes. Go. I've done almost 600 episodes. I can't rank every single. Top four. Episode what? 318. Got it. Okay. I don't know.

96. Yes. Okay. Great. Oh, that's a good one. Fan favorite. Yeah, I guess. 212. Oh, Andy Sandberg. And 528. Okay. Wow. That's great. That's a great list. All right. That's another article. Put that on the side. Okay. Sure. Anything else I can do for you? Yeah, this is great.

Why are you breaking these up into tinier articles? Because they don't seem sustainable. We've seen that the average length of a reader on our site is 15 to 35 seconds. So what we try to do is try to put it in infographics so you can kind of just get the gist at the

top. And in the first sentence, if you we try to have a three sentence rule on all articles. So right now, no longer than three sentence. Yeah. I mean, we do put like like a dummy text underneath it. So it looks like the articles longer, but it really is this first three.

So you just, you know, so it looks, you know, I actually don't mind that because anytime I see an article linked on Twitter and it has the headline, I'm like, I got it from the headline. Well, yeah, you've read my thing. Cute celebrity babies who grew up to be ugly, old people. That is really mean. Who did you pick though?

There was a baby in a copper tone ad. There was a baby in a pasta commercial. And what we did was we, this is actually the most investigated journalism I did. I found those people knocked on the door. You don't have to give me the sound effect of the knocking. I appreciate it. Well, some places that doorbells, I refuse to ring them

because I just don't like robots. You don't like robots? Made them, made them. Wait, this is a whole side part of your personality that is very explorable. Well, that's why I don't work for the other things. I don't, I will not cover robot stories at all. Okay. All right. Yeah. So I, I knock on the door and I just

grabbed a picture with my cell phone camera and I put them up and I said, ugly, you know, ugly and cute baby, ugly person. You know, so it's a, you know, it gives people hope if they were cute or if they were ugly babies, it'll be cute later on. What's that copper tone baby? Wasn't that like Jodie Foster or someone or what?

Yeah. Did you go to Jodie Foster's house? I just take a picture of her and put her online saying she's ugly. Honestly, Scott, I'll tell you them, I didn't really do that much research. I just, I saw people at a local mall that I was at and I thought, oh, it looks like the baby from the copper one. Oh, okay. You just took pictures of ugly people.

I couldn't, I needed to pump out again. That was in the beginning when I was an entrance. I was doing 25 articles a week. Are there a lot of lawsuits that you're part of? I can only imagine. You know what? I have been sued a handful of times. When you say a handful, you're holding up both hands and your feet.

And I'm making, and I'm also making a very wide gesture. So it's a lot like, so it's almost It's like a giant hand. It's like when you shake a pencil, go rubber pencil, rubber pencil. Right, yeah. So just countless lawsuits. Yeah, and a lot of them, you know, if you don't show up, they can't sue you.

No, that's not true. What you're thinking of is traffic tickets. If the cop doesn't show up, then you get out of your ticket. I should remake, I should pull back that article I wrote, then that is going to cause some confusion. Yeah, just don't show up to the lawsuits. All right, now I guess I'm in a deeper trouble. Are there leans on your property?

Well, I mean, if I, if you, okay, first of all, I'd have to own property to have a lien on it. Okay. So right now. Are you able to rent an apartment? I would imagine that you're unrentable. I am a little bit. What I am actually doing right now, I'm writing, you could check out the website.

I'm doing a seven part piece called Living the Camping Life, Living in Your Car. And I am actually, yeah. So I'm just kind of talking about the fun of the adventure of car living. Okay. And so that's kind of, I'm using that to be right off. Yeah, well, on $30 a week,

I mean, yeah, I mean, it would be hard to get. I live a little bit like a king, you're right. Not really what I was going to say. It may be Burger King, but. Okay. So what do you know about Burger King? You know, standard operation. Does he run, basically. Is he Trumpian or is he more like an Obama figure

in your mind? Cause I feel like. Is he a dictator or is he a benevolent? Yeah, like, you know, I was going to say socialist or dictator, but whatever. Okay. Yeah. We were on two different sides of the aisle on this one, I think, but I think Burger King, he's, he's benevolent, because you know, you can, one can go

to McDonald's on one day and then still be a subject of the Burger King on another. That's an article. That's an article. That's an article. We're just doing it again. Hopefully you're getting a lot of different celebrities. It's not just me. And when I say celebrity, I think very generous to myself. No, I got a lot of, I got a lot of people.

I'm going to talk to a lot of people. Okay. All right. So. Yes, Jim. Do the music for James Corden. How long are we going by the way? How many more questions do you have? I mean, as many as I can get out before you kick me out because I got to physically kick you out.

That's the way I kind of run all my interviews. Okay. What does it like to do the music for James Corden? Okay. I'm going to physically kick you out. All right. Thank you. See you later. Okay. All right. Bye. Get out of here.

God. Wow. When I put out the call for all of our old favorites, I didn't know new people would be showing up. That was exhausting. But speaking of exhausting, we're almost halfway through the show and Okay.

It's time to party. It's time to rock and roll. Oh my gosh. Air horn noises, etc. It's, uh, welcome to the show. It's Gary Urbansky. Oh, thank you so much. I wondered if you remember my name. Of course I do. I wondered if you were going to be like,

Hello, friend. You know, sometimes you do that. You see somebody on the street. You're like, Hey, guy, but you know my name. No, I know your name. Of course. You've been on the show several times. You're from the windiest of cities. I am indeed. Then transplanted to this great state of California

then did get deported back to Illinois. And now I am back on a conditional I didn't realize that we had the ability to deport people from state to state. Oh, you can't. If it's serious enough, you can't. But you know, we worked it all out. We worked it out. So I'm back baby and it's your 10th birthday

happy birthday. It's the show's 10th birthday. I'm not a 10 year old man. Happy Halloween then. You look beautiful. You're not even wearing a mask. Wear your costumes. Gary is the owner and proprietor or the former owner and proprietor

of the urban ski store. People thought it was urban sky. May she rest. May she rest. I thought there was skis involved too? No, it was wig and weave. Maybe the E sound from that is tripping you up.

Also, I thought maybe I couldn't remember how it was spelled. It's SKY because we're Czech. We're not Polish. That's a big point of contention. You know, Dostoevsky said what's in a person's mind. I did not realize that he said that but that's

so wise. Well, how could you? You never met Rani Dostoevsky. How would I know what's in his mind? This is not the famous writer, Dostoevsky? I mean, he's written a couple of little poems and journals and whatnot but I don't know if he's famous. Maybe on Blue Island he's famous but other than that, I don't know.

It's just Rani. Okay, well there's a more famous Dostoevsky then. I suppose you're going to tell me there's a more famous Carrier Bansky then. I think you're the only one. Oh, well, then I'm the most famous one. Is there a more famous Scott Ackerman? Oh, no, I hope not. I pray not. Oh, are you...

Otherwise, I think I got to SAG first. I'm not sure. I don't know what that means. Are you the...is there a less famous is what I should ask. I think I'm the less famous Scott Ackerman. Are you both? Somehow? Somehow. Well, happy anniversary to the both of yous. Thank you so much. What have you been up to?

Oh, gosh. Do you have any new businesses in the mix? I run down your former businesses. Oh, yeah. Well, originally way back when I had Komono Store that I shouldn't even bring up. It's just it never did well. It never was going to do well. Then I did Urbansky's Wig and Weave, which, you know,

of course, supplied a lot of hair care products primarily for the African-American community. And then I had Pace Picante salsa medium, which was, of course, my Napa winery. It was beautiful. Very confusing, though, to name your winery Pace Picante salsa medium.

I mean, not confusing to me, Dostoevsky. Then, you know, after that I tried to sell some of my items for charity. After that, I don't know. I just been running around. But basically what it all led to

is a mild case of racketeering that did get me deported from the Golden State of California. Racketeer? How does one accidentally racketeer someone? I don't know. I mean, I thought it was I thought we were just having a meeting about some trash cans on my block

and it turns out I had joined some sort of organized crime syndicate. I am not allowed to speak on it. Some sort of protection racket? Is that what it was? Perhaps. Perhaps. I just wanted more of those blue cans, you know, the big blue recycling cans. They're so great. You know, in Chicago, I don't know if you notice, but our recycling

is not exactly, there's a big conspiracy. There's not exactly being recycled. I've heard that about Los Angeles as well, that they just, they throw it all in trash. They throw it in one big bucket. The streets in Sanitation does no offense to all my cousins and sisters and what not. They work in the streets in Sanitation.

No offense to them and no offense to all the Los Angeles recycling people as well. I'm sure you're doing a great job. It's just I understand there's too much. Well, I don't know, but I just wanted more blue bins and so I thought I was joining a meeting about that. I'm sorry. They said the fence that I can't be talking about this. That's part of my conditional visa

allowing me back in the state. I see. But I did want to come back and just tell you thank you so much for promoting all my businesses. It did not help. It did. No, I think they've all gone under. They've all sank and got me into legal trouble. Many of them. Maybe I'm the problem. Maybe this show is

the problem. Honestly, this is a confrontation. Happy anniversary. Explain yourself. I'm sorry. Look, you can stop being on the show if you like. I don't think that I can. No one's inviting you. I think every single time you just burst in unannounced. I feel like when I drive by this building

and see a boulevard here, I have to jump out and come in. It's just deafening to you and calling to you. It seems rude to not stop by a friend. You drive by a friend's house. You don't go in and say hi. No. That seems impossibly rude. How weird. Every single time you drop by someone's

house, you just wander inside. You know, Skye, I think you're so Hollywood that you don't know. Like in the Midwest we have these values, right? Right. I don't think I have time to listen to value. Oh my goodness. Woo. Someone's saying woo. I can't

tell whether it's singing or or a bachelorette party. Woo. Announce yourself. Hello. Hello. Can I can I talk now?

I recognize that swastika. This is Charlie Manson. What a... The ghost of Charlie Manson. Oh, Charlie Manson. Oh. Cut blowing back in here as ghost as the day is long.

You do look ghost as shit right now, if I can say so. Ghost AF. Ghost AFski. Oh, he lived on 63rd. Okay. Charlie Manson, you were on the show right before you died and I think

we recorded it merely days before you passed away since then you've been on as a ghost. Yes. Yeah, this show is my real bad luck charm. I'm going on this show I think really I apologize.

You died right after all of your businesses died. Yeah, this seems to be a common problem. Yeah, have you ever wondered is your show cursed, Scott? I've started to think that honestly. I mean, you know, I hear about all these other shows like Serial and

Serial. Yeah, Serial, nothing but good shit happening on that one. Well, I mean, yeah. That's the lucky protagonist from Serial. I guess I mean the numbers are so big, mine seem to have plateaued. Well, you know, nothing gets written like

goofing about murder. Yeah, that's true. Maybe if I did talk about more murder, I mean you were sort of murdered on the show. This could be this is great. Oh, are we doing a true crime? Oh, here's the truth. I was murdered. Scott Ackerman murdered old Charlie Manson. Oh, no, no, no.

I'm not the one who's murdering people. As a host, I just want to talk about murder. But like if you were going to murder somebody, you should murder a real animal, like no offense, a real animal like Charlie Manson. Not an animal too scary. Is animals really spook me? Let me tell you, you ever

seen a cat? A cat? That's the scariest animal you could think of? Well, they look harmless, but then they open their mouth, they got those two sharp teeth on the sides of their little teeth. Andrew Lloyd Webber and I were talking about cats earlier in the show. Glad I wasn't there.

Yeah, I mean, that's a I mean, have you heard about what they're doing? They're shrinking all of the actors for that movie and making them two feet high? You know, honestly that's even scarier than a big cat because with their two feet high, they can sneak up on you. Yeah, it seems crazy.

I don't want to come across any of them. No, no. So you're right, that is very scary. I don't want to do that. Charlie, what have you been up to? You're a ghost, obviously. I can't remember what happened the last time we spoke. Well, you know, I was in, I had just become a ghost. Right, it was

all new to you. It was all new to me. And now I've been a ghost for a year, I've been just ghosting around all over the place. You've been ghosting folks? Oh, I've been ghosting folks all the time. I say, hey you want to get a drink? And then I blow up into the sky and

I just look like an old sheet blowing into the wind. Well, initially you look like Charlie Manson. That's the scarier part. Do you want to get a drink with me, Charlie Manson? I think they would actually be happy that you ghosted them. No, everybody wants. People want to get

a drink with me. Charlie Manson is a real fuck boy, am I right? Well, I got long hair. It's coming back. Classic. I guess so. I don't know whether the aesthetics are really all that pleasing enough to overcome the fact that you murdered so many people. What do you

mean? Would you make me over? Do you think I should be dressing different? No, it's not. Should we do a queer eye? Or we just test it out, pilot? Wait a minute, Gary, are you... I mean, I think one of us has to

actually be, I mean, if we're going to do a true queer eye. Dang, you're right. Okay, so do we just... What about, why don't we do the straight guy part of the equation? Well, you speak queer eye for the straight guy. We'll just be the straight guys. Oh, but I'm not. I'm not gay. Okay, so don't you dare call me gay.

Oh, Charlie Manson is as straight as the day is long. Charlie, is that one of your triggers? Oh my gosh. No, you seem real stressed out about it. I only love girls. It just seems intense. You don't need the...

If I see a boy, I close my eyes. I don't want to see him. How did you survive in prison? Well, I always had my eyes closed. Yeah, I would think. I mean, you weren't allowed conjugal visits or anything. Well, noble, but I did get married. You did get married. Yeah. Forgive me, I don't recall every single detail

of the Charlie Manson. I think knowing that much about you makes one a creep. Well, I love creeps. You and TLC, Antstone Temple Pilots, and Radiohead. Oh, yeah. Oh, excuse me, I'm coming in. Can't decide where to go,

but here I am. Oh, no. I think the fact that I've mentioned cats. I heard you talking about cats before. No. Has summoned one of the stars of the musical cats. When you talk about cats, then I have to show up.

It's the Rum Tum Tugger is here. Oh my god. If you put me in a chair, then I'll sit right on your lap. If you put me in your lap, then I'll jump around the room. Is that Charlie Manson? The Rum Tum Tugger knows who Charlie Manson is. Yes, I'm a celeb,

but are you a cat or are you a man? Oh, funny question that you'd ask. I am both, because I couldn't decide so I had skin grafts. Originally, the Rum Tum Tugger was the actor who portrayed the Rum Tum Tugger, then was tired

of getting the makeup on every day. It's a lot of makeup to put onto your head, so if you have its own in place, then it's easy. Yeah. So he got the skin grafts and now is forced to talk like the Rum Tum Tugger for the rest of his life.

Honestly, it's easy. I rat this point. Well, I, you know, I'm just glad you're a man and not a cat. And I can relate to the skin grafts because I similarly carved a swastika into my face because it was too much work to draw it on every day. This is twice now. We've heard the word swastika

in a span of about 15 minutes. I'm just having trouble adjusting. Sorry, but that's such a big part of the Charlie Manson lore. I wasn't super familiar, but now I guess I know. I don't know how you really get around it. I mean, it's right there in the middle of his forehead. I understand

not everybody likes it. I've been covering it up lately sometimes. How do you cover it up? Do you put like putty into it? Oh, really? It's bangs. Yeah, I got bangs. They're slicked back now because I know you want to see the old Charlie Manson. No, I don't want to see the swastika. Pull those bangs in front, please.

Okay, watch. Scotty wants to see a symbol of hate. I welcome you here, ghost of Charlie Manson, but I don't know if we're going to be hanging out as a ghost. You think that you could actually alter your physical appearance somewhat? There's more rules

to being a ghost than you would even imagine. Well, Andrew Lloyd Webber and I were talking about angels how we were wondering if they still had the feet and he says they do and they just kick like they're swimming when they fly around. But yeah, are ghosts different? Yeah, ghosts are different. Ghosts

you lose your feet. You do lose your feet. Right, yeah, I was going to say I've never seen feet on a ghost. Yeah, same thing when y'all were a cat, you exchanged them for paws. Now you mentioned ALW. Was he here? He owes me ten bucks. He does for what?

1983 opening night I bought him a tie and he didn't pay me back. Oh, okay. Now, I have a question for Mr. Tum Tugger. Absolutely. Is it Mr. Tugger or Mr. Tum Tugger? Oh, I prefer Mr. Tugger. Since I've been a ghost, I've had time

to enjoy a lot of cultural events and I recently blew well. What a weird sense, like, Loni, what are you talking about? Since you've been a ghost, you've had time to go to cultural events? Yeah, because before I was so busy.

And so I had time, I blew into the pantages and saw the recent production of cats. Oh, I see. A cultural event. A cultural event. I see. Because before I was so busy. Well, you're in jail. You're in jail for decades.

Yeah, and you know what they say, nothing's busier than being in jail. That is true. That is what they say. So you have a question about cats, is that what? Yeah. Well, my first question were you part of that production? I was not, but I stood

in the wings nearby. Only one lady fainted. I consider that a personal best. I know. I couldn't figure out. Now, what the heck is a gelical cat? That's the question no one has ever been able to answer.

Anytime they see cats. I've been thinking about it for a long time because now that I'm a ghost, I got a lot of time to think. Sure, yeah. I mean, those cultural events don't fill up the calendar the way they used to. No, no. Right. So what is a gelical cat? Let me put this simply for you guys.

A gelical cat is what a gelical does and a gelical does what a gelical is. Gelical cat in the gelical sky. A gelical you, me, guys. Gelical, gelical in the bite. Gelical cat.

Okay, thank you. I think that clears it up. I really just want him to stop talking. I am singing or whatever. It's not even singing. It's like a it's not even rapping. It's a little bit like a robot was taught to speak and then got a little stuck.

I don't know whether RumTumTugger is an AI or not. Oh, if he's an AI, get me out of here. You don't like AIs or ghosts afraid of AIs? Well, they're unhauntable, I would assume. Well, AIs and ghosts are natural enemies, of course. Oh, I had no idea.

Yes. Sorry, I know Cobalt, but that's about it. Yeah, I know C++. Those will both work if you have an HDMI adapter. Okay, I don't, unfortunately. Plug it in, plug it up and get me rebooted. Okay, I think we've determined

that RumTumTugger is an AI. RumTumTugger is an AI. I'm RumTumTugger and I am an AI. What version are you? I'm version 10.0 leopard snow. Okay, well, oh my gosh, this is enlightening. I feel like I'm learning so much, Scott.

I take back everything I said about how your show is cursed and how no thinking person who can read should go on it. I don't remember you saying that part of it. I said it all, I wrote it on this table. I take it all back. Charlie Manson, you need help, but since you are a ghost, I don't know where you're going to get it,

but you have a lot of time to get it, so please, you know, explore your therapy options. But I do have to leave because my ankle bracelet is starting to shock me. Oh, really? Which means I shouldn't have ever come, so I got to go. Yeah, well, I appreciate you all dropping by.

It's so nice to see you all. I guess it wouldn't be a 10th anniversary without Charlie Manson and his swastika coming by. That is my cue. That is the last time I needed to hear it. Okay, thanks. It's only for you. Goodbye, ghost of Charles Manson.

Oh, I can't say good to see you, but interesting nonetheless. Ooh, boy. That was spooky, definitely. And I think that... Hello. Oh, okay, hello. Scotley, Scotley, you in there?

Oh, look, it's our boy, Scotley! Oh, my gosh! Is this who I think it is? Is it Bevor Hopox? That's me. Chico Hands? You got that right. And Bisbee St. Hancock? Colectively known as

Scotley, what is with all these balloons? Well, it's my 10th anniversary of the show that you have appeared on Scant Few Times. Joe Horson? Is that a term in the horse fighting business for you're doing well, you're having fun?

Oh, my God, I didn't even realize what I was doing. I guess it is now. That's right, as a horse-fight promoter, I should have made... I should have taken better advantage of that, but no, I just came over down on the spot right now. I thought you were fooling with you. I thought you were missing 10 years.

You don't look like it could be a day over 16! I started this when I was 6. Yes, thank you so much. For those of you who don't remember, but I can't imagine anyone who doesn't, these three gentlemen are promoters of horse fights where horses beat and stomp each other to death.

They have more punching than stomping. There have been some changes to the rules. We're trying to eliminate stomping. Oh, really? So this is like the NFL where every year they come out with new rules in order to... new rules. There's a whole team of scientists

analyzing... I thought Bill Marr might show up. Is Bill Marr here? He's not. We may have some new no-nos, but... But, yeah, so what are the changes to the rules that you have? This year alone is padded boots.

Padded boots for the horses? For their hind hooves. Oh, okay, and then the boxing gloves, of course, for the front hooves. Yeah, there's always been those big inflatable box gloves. For safety. For safety purposes. Thank you, Bisbee. That's all right. I'm fine. Don't worry about it. Everything okay, Bisbee?

I'm fine. He seems a little addled, almost as if he's taken a few too many horse punches. For safety reasons. Well, I'll tell you what. The reason we're here, is because Bisbee had a doctor's appointment upstairs. So we just happened upon... Oh, really? At the doctor's office?

At the doors above us? That's right. At the doors above here, Wolf Studios. Is everything okay? That's 44 steps. Thank you, Bisbee. Thank you. Everything all right, Chico? Well, we're going to find out once we get word from the doctor. That's how doctors work. Oh, okay, but is something bothering you?

No, not me. No Bisbee. Oh, it's Bisbee. Oh, right. Sorry, Chico. I thought you were the one who went to the doctor. No, no. Bisbee went to the doctor. What are some of his symptoms? Well, we all went to the doctor. Sure, for support. That'd be a little bit more literal,

why don't you? Okay. We all stepped into the doctor's office together. That was sarcasm. Oh, me too. No, no, it's not Bisbee. No, Bisbee, you don't want to get in on the me too movement that way. You want to do it honestly.

You're right. So, Bisbee's been acting a little strange. He's been suffering from what can only be described as the horse mumps. The horse mumps? What exactly are the horse mumps

and can one be inoculated from them? Well, four months ago, I came down with the horse mumps, woke up, they came in, gave me my bucket. What is the bucket? I don't think we've ever covered the what bucket do you receive in the morning? Each morning we wake up and we give each other buckets

to relieve ourselves. You have a beautiful new stadium, I thought. Why are there no... A state of the art. Waterless urinals. Wall to wall. Water wall. It's one locked urinal

that goes all the way in the circus. Dry with pipes. Dr. Petroff. There are no working plumbing? Well, that goes back to our youthful days. That's right. We could have all the work in plumbing we want, but it's custom. We prefer a bucket.

You prefer the bucket. It's like a hipster when he uses vinyl records instead of an empty bucket. We love using the bucket. It's retro. It's a retro body. It's retroactive. What I find interesting is you give each other buckets instead of just having one that you keep,

but you wake up in the morning and give each other buckets? That's right. You're assigned another person? Everyone flips over a card and depending on which card, you receive. So, Bevor and Chico, do you ever get each other and then Bisbee just flips over his own card?

Then you have to redraw. How often does that happen? Three after redraw. No joke. There was one time where it took 14 hours. 14 hours. For three people, it's very, very difficult. We're not going anywhere till bucket disbursement has happened right and proper.

You know how hard it is to hold your insides for 14 hours while you're going through this? Why not just pick out your own buckets, guys? Well, it's just not tradition. I thought we mentioned our preference for customs. Right. So, you woke up,

someone gave you your bucket and you gave someone else their bucket. That's right and I realized I had some mumps on me. Okay, these are splotches or some sort of discoloration? No, they're mumps. Okay, when you say mump, you mean... It's a mound and a hump.

Is that what mump is? It's a pormanto, a mound and hump? A pormanto, that's right. If I know anything about diseases, stuff is exactly what they sound like. Right, so a mump is like... It's a mumpy bump. It's a mumpy, mumpy bump.

That's right. So, and you had one of these or more? Right. Beva reminded me that I hadn't got my horse mumps vaccination. Oh, no. If you're going to be working with horses, you have to get that. That would have been smart, wouldn't it?

Scott, can you come over here? Let me whisper to you. Oh, okay. You come over here. Bisbee, you just occupy yourself. One, two, three, four. Yes, Chico? I think the mumps might be seeping into his brain

because he thinks he has horse mumps when quite clearly he has pony mumps. Okay, I don't know the difference. Are the size of the mumps different? Of course. Smaller mumps. Okay, so it's like the smallpox is different

from the chickenpox. Smallpox. So you think that one pony mump has just seeped into his medulla emblagata? If I'm saying that correctly. Well, you're the doctor. I'm not sure. I'm not the doctor. You just saw the doctor.

We're worried about his brain. We're worried about his heart as well, Scott. Oh, no. The doctor has explained to us upstairs. Right. Is there with horse mumps, you can just sort of drink enough water and eventually it'll take care of itself with pony mumps.

Pony mumps, they're young. They're strong. Young, strong. They are viral. They are deadly viral at any moment. Oh, no. They just run through your blood like tiny ponies and you can't find them. And if it attaches to any of the organs inside your body, that organ will explode. Oh, no, you need most of those.

Yeah, that's from what I understand. Is there any cure? 90, 91. Well, we hope we find one. You're just going to find one? The doctor didn't suggest any? We're waiting for an email from him. Okay, well, if you get one during this taping, please let me know.

I promise we will. You'll hear the sound of an email coming out. Of course we would. It'll be like a... But that wasn't it, right? That was your impression. 100. Can I... Do you mind if I...

You were wearing a hat of some sort. Do you mind if I take a look at your scalp without the... Oh, boy. Here we go. Oh, my gosh, that hat is stuck to your skin. The skin's coming off. You're going to have to move up to an 11 gallon. Oh, my goodness.

The seeping pores on top of that head. You're... When did you lose all of your hair? Well, that's one of the symptoms of horse mumps. Horse mumps, yep. That's classic horse mumps. And they say, though,

the sooner you lose your hair, the sooner you're going downhill faster. And that's why we came by today. I wanted to say goodbye to you, Scotland. Oh, this doesn't necessarily have to be the end of you, Bisbee. I mean, I'm sure there are plenty of people who drink enough water when they get horse mumps.

That's right. That's the cure like the doctor said. You got to drink that water to your daughter. Please your daughter because you're staying on long because you drank your water got rid of them horse mumps. Right, so...

Please your daughter. Not sexually, Bisbee. No, I wasn't saying it like that. Oh, you were being sarcastic. Yes, now we're both on the same page. We taught him a new word. So, drink up. I mean, you have some water there.

It's just water help with pony mumps. Oh, no, it's bad for him. It's terrible because we've got to keep up with the illusions. Just for his state of mental health. I don't know how long I can keep this from him. I feel worse. Hopefully long enough for an email to come in.

I mean, we'll hear the sound. But that was not it. That was just my mouth. I feel very much worse. Oh, gosh. Bisbee, you look seconds away from death's door. They say that at the last minute,

you'll know you're going because your heart will explode. Your heart will explode, and that's how you'll know. That will be the last clue. The last clue, just suddenly you'll... That's what you'll get. That's, by the way, that's not the sound of your heart exploding.

And that's not the sound of the email yet. No, that was my mouth. You made me check. You did a phantom check? I did. I want you to know, though, I appreciate everything all you had done for me. Well, I would hate to see if the Calvin's Triplets

went back to Calvin's Twins. Why? Just for progress sake, I mean. It seems like the next step would be Calvin's Quadruplets. That's interesting. After that would be Calvin's... What was that, Andy Rick, your show? Quintuplets.

Quintuplets, that's right. That's our favorite show. And cheer up your spirits. Do you mind putting it on? Sure, yeah, we have several. We have the videotape right here. Just occupy yourself. It was under Andy Saves the Universe.

The box set of Andy Saves the Universe. Well, you know, it should be under Q, it was under A. I love this episode. Guys, he doesn't have much longer to live. You gotta get him off the water. How long did the doctor say he was gonna take? I don't know. With the email? With the email, yeah.

See, several more patients. Then go to lunch. What? Then tea time at the golf course. Oh, no. See, he's drinking tea at a golf course? Why? I think so. He's a very fancy doctor. Only the best for all this big. So when did he say he would get back to you after all that?

No, I don't know. He said sometime therein. Yeah. Does he ever play golf when he's at the golf course? Does he ever, like, take a big swing like a... Let me check your phone. Oh, Scott. That was my mouth. I've been waiting for the...

Okay, yeah, sorry. That was me. Why did he counting while he watched his quintuplets? Is he trying to count the actual... He's trying to count the quintuplets. He was stopped at five. Oh, my gosh. Maybe I should send an email to the doctor. Send an email to the doctor.

Does it make the same sound when you send it as when one... You receive one? I believe it does. Oh, that's right. You bought that amp. That's right. You're a quick typist, by the way.

Send it off. Here we go. Okay, it's sent. Great. Well, now I guess there's nothing to do but wait until... In silence. In total. You're feeling just a little more water. I think that's a good idea.

Sure, because take some of mine. If you have the horse mumps of that, I'll cure it. Guys, don't you think maybe he should save it for later? Oh, his nose just fell out. Oh, my nose. It's in the glass. Oh, God.

Well, if it's in the glass, drink it. That's what I always say. That's just part of the saying, isn't it? Yeah, if it's in the glass, drink it. Don't get dumped. If it's in the... If it's in the other room, take it to the saw.

Take it to the sawmill. How often do you say this? Without exaggeration, 100 times an hour. It's true. Look, guys, thank you so much for dropping by. We'll never get resolution on this,

because this doctor is just... Oh, God. Everything all right, Bisbee? Bisbee! Bisbee! Was that an e-mail? Oh, yeah, it's pony mumps. Oh.

Bisbee's heart exploded. And one of his buttons flew off the... his shirt, and it's ricocheting around the studio. It's still ping pongin'. Look out! Ping pongin'. It's ding dongin'.

Oh, my gosh. Ring it around him. Poor Bisbee. You hate to see him go that way. But he's dead, and he's officially dead. Happy 10th anniversary, Scotland. Well, it wouldn't be an anniversary

of this show without someone perishing on the show. Oh, boy. Terrible, terrible news. Will you drag him out? Yeah, he doesn't have any relatives other than you, does he? Oh, wait, someone's at the door. Nothing I'm aware of.

Oh, my... Bisbee, is that you? Bisbee, you're on the floor, but I'm looking at you right here. I'm sorry, but... who you've been spending the last six months with was not me. What? Bisbee! You've been spi...

That's my twin brother, Jisbee. Jisbee is on the top! Ah, what the hell? What? Oh, my... Oh, my... Where's you been, Bisbee? It's a big batch of horse apples right now. I was taken to a...

a home and tied up by my brother. He was trying to infiltrate your... horse fighting ring. Oh, thank God you didn't let him. Oh, God. You know what? So that's Jisbee. That was just... And you know what?

It's because, one, he kept saying we should franchise all the time. In fact, he was saying that more often than what Bisbee does say a hundred times an hour, which is... Which is... If it's in the glass... If it's in the glass,

drink it. That's what Bisbee said! Well, not the whole thing, though. No, it's... I say it a little different than Jisbee did. Oh, sure, sure. But I say, if it's in the glass, drink it. If it's in the glass, learn it. If it's downstairs,

crawl there. If it's down... If it's up in the clouds, make it there. Take it to the end of the road. Take it to my favorite abode. You'll always remember me regardless of

whether you drink me, but if it's in the glass, drink it. Bisbee! Happy anniversary, Scott today. And, of course... You were inoculated for the pony mumps when you were a child, right?

Well, I'm not sure about that. Oh, my God, your brother is still communicable. His heart just... Oh, Bisbee! Oh, Bisbee's catching! Slide your rolling chair away from him! Move!

Oh, no! Oh, Bisbee! Shoot him! Shoot Bisbee, too. Just be safe. Oh, the mines! The button and the bullets ran into each other

and canceled each other out. I'm turning it! Oh, my God. I'm fine now. Oh, thank God, Bisbee. Who's that? Who'd you say? Oh, dear.

Wait, do you have horse amnesia? Horsenesia? Horsenesia? No. Horsenesia is... Oh, right. I forgot. I also have that.

You do? Let's hear it. Do you not remember who you are? Wait, who are you? Well, of course I'm Scott Ackerman. I'm celebrating 10 years of comedy bang-bang. Good for you. I'm out of here. Bisbee, no! These are your bruh! Oh!

He's gone, and the last thing he said was live your lives. Wow! Great advice, but still, what a kiss off to his brothers. What an unexpected turn of events. I'm flummoxed. I'm hurtin' in my stomachs.

Yeah. I'm trixtromoxed. And it's a big ol' bummux. I agree with you. Wow, you didn't even know that he wasn't a triplet until a few years back, but now the loss must be immeasurable. Yeah.

Well, I mean, I'm struggling with the loss of... I'm excited first. Let me rephrase. Yeah, rephrase, please. I didn't know about Gizby. This is all new information, the Gizby thing. Surprise reveal!

Gizby's brother or twin brother? No, not us, and so I'm still kind of coming down from the height of being a quadruplet. Right. And also the loss of Gizby presumably being dead. Right. So a lot of steps to process at this point.

You're leapfrogging because being excited about Gizby, losing what I thought was Gizby, finding out it was Gizby, being sad about losing the Gizby, being you're for it for finding the Gizby again, then realizing the Frisbis so we can go to the beach after this play a little Frisby after.

Gizby was holding a Frisby the entire time. Yep. Well, that's ours now. Sorry, dead neck. It's covered in heart blood. Right. We've been inoculated for pony mumps so there's no concern about that.

So a lot of steps to go through, but... So much emotion. At this point, you have lost a quadruplet and you've lost another quadruplet. You've lost another quad... You've lost the triplet. Gained, lost, rediscovered, found Gizby was still alive

for a second there. And then you guys shot him so... Reanimated. Trying to trip from his open source onto his, I guess, our quadruplet brother Bisby was still alive. Yeah, we never knew it while he was alive.

Bisby survived that. Bullet button ricochet collision. It's been a while, right? Bisby blown a fuse with his horse, Nisha. Yep. He's out wandering Hollywood Boulevard right now for all we know. What could he be doing?

He's had the Ripley's believe it enough. Oh, okay, yeah. It's great if you've never been. He won't remember if he should believe it or not. He'll just be like, all right, I don't know. He's gonna forget it. Well, guys, this is a terrible turn of events. We're sorry to rain on your parade.

I mean, what is the celebration for? But for family and to encounter people and their problems. So I hope that this works itself out. I mean, please promise you'll come back and... We'll be searching the ends of the earth to try and find Bisby

and bring him back into the fold. What's that? What's going on? I think I got an email. Did you get an email? I'm gonna read it to myself. It's from Bisby. He emailed me.

I'm gonna read it to myself, but you'll probably hear my internal monologue in Bisby's voice. Oh, okay, that's a good plan if you can do that. Let's see here. My dearest brother. Wow, that is what he sounds like. Please share this with my other brother

and my dead brother. I left on the floor. I'm sorry to leave. As soon as I left, I'm sorry to inform you that I fell up the stairs back to the doctor. All the way up to the doctor,

where they informed me that I also had horse mumps in not just a normal way. I had pony horse mumps. Oh, this doctor doesn't seem good at what he's... Just tell people that...

I'm surprised he's back from the golf course already. That's a fast T. Is pony horse the correct term? We're splitting hairs here. Let's just listen to his internal monologue. That might have auto-corrected. Pony horse mumps is not exactly what it's called.

It's called pony horse mumps. Sorry. It corrected again. Hold on. It's pony horse mumps. It's pony horse mumps. They told me I have pony horse mumps. And I should be fine.

Wait a second. I'm sorry. I'm new with this android phone. It's pony horse mumps that I have. And I don't know. They said that I could pass

anytime between tomorrow and 60 years. So I don't know if I'll ever see you again. I don't know if I ever want to put my weight upon you guys. Pony horse mumps. Live your life. Everybody live your life.

Oh. God, I hate pony horse mumps. Signed. Wow. He never caught us up with how he lost his horse, Nisha. No. But still. It was probably from the pony horse mumps.

Or whatever. You kept getting auto-corrected. I couldn't. I don't know what it was. It's just pony mumps. Let me open my phone and type in pony horse mumps and see what comes up. It could be puny, hues,

monk. Yeah, exactly. It could have been phony, phony, hump, monkey. No, that's definitely okay. It doesn't sound like what it is. It could have been let's see here.

It could have been puke, cat's mouse. That's a possibility. Yeah, that's definitely puke, cat's mouse. He either died from pony horse mumps or puke, cat's mouse. Wow. What a terrible way to go. I know why he doesn't want to be a burden on you.

I mean, it's terrible to see a relative in that state. So this is bad stuff. So he's out there, you know, walking the ends of the earth like Dr. David Banner in The Incredible Hulk and, you know, you'll probably never see him again. He could be gone today.

Could be 60 years from now. That's a pretty broad range. Well, no matter what, here's what I hope that we're here celebrating 70 years of comedy bang bang. And he walks in. That would be perfect. And drops dead. I'm the 60th year.

Wow, that would be on my 70th, but yeah. Well, guys, thank you so much for being here. Please catch us up on what happens with this situation when you come back. We'll send an email. Yes, definitely. And the good thing about you guys is you're so you have such positive outlooks

and I believe it all comes down to just the way you live your lives, you know. Listen, listen, listen. Scott Lee, some people have successful comedy podcasts. Other people grow up on a ranch where they don't have an outhouse and have to crap and pee in a bucket

with they hand to each other and their siblings and their folks and they grow up estranged from their quadruplets and one of those quadruplets tries to tie up the other one and then pretend to be that third quadruplet and then gets pony mumps and even though we tell him it's horse mumps

and dies from it and then the third quadruplet comes back and he is here, but then he decides to leave because of his horse niche and then finds out that he actually has pony horse mumps. Which could be instead pony mumps. Oh, that too.

And at the end of the day, when you've spent a lifetime promoting horse fighting seeing beautiful majestic beasts beating each other to death on a daily basis you just know you gotta laugh.

Oh guys, thank you so much for being here. Beaver, Chico, the Calvin's Twins. It's Beaver. Sorry, we'll see you next time. Thanks for dropping by. All right, we need to go to a break. We will be ripe. We're at the halfway point. This is exciting. We will be right back with more comedy

bang bang after this. Hey everyone, Scott Ackerman here and this is just the end of part one of the 10 hour episode celebrating comedy bang bangs 10 years. If you want to hear part two, just switch over to part two. It should be right next to this one

wherever you get your podcasts and the fun can continue. So we'll see you over there. Hey everyone, thanks for listening and remember state farm agents know that in life anything can happen, which is why when it comes to home and auto insurance, they are here to help life go right. So find your agent today because

with over 19,000 agents in neighborhoods across the U.S. there could be an office right around the corner. State Farm, here to help life go right. Welcome to Getting Curious with Jonathan Vanessa. You guys, I'm so excited

to introduce you to this podcast. It's been my little baby idea for a while now. This is going to be a really fun look at things that I find curious, whether it's a menstrual cup, it might be the Romanoff family, it might be fracking, it could be Carly Fiorina. I don't even know. Who knows? It's going to be whatever I think is

interesting. We're going to be bringing in content experts. I'm going to be learning the things. It's only going to take about 30 minutes for you to expand your baby brains with me and have a super fun time so I can't wait to see you on Getting Curious. That felt real natural and cute.