Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - 10th Anniversary Part 2

Episode Date: April 29, 2019

Scott Aukerman celebrates the 10th Anniversary of Comedy Bang! Bang! by implementing a true open door policy and welcomes fan favorite guests of the show over the last 10 years!Part Two Featuring:Thomas MiddleditchAdam ScottChelsea PerettiNick KrollDrew Tarver"Weird Al" YankovicPaul Rust Neil CampbellBobby MoynihanMary HollandHoratio SanzBen SchwartzJon DalyShaun DistonMike HanfordWill HinesBrendon SmallJessica St. ClairLennon ParhamJames AdomianListen to the full 10 hours as one episode on the Stitcher app!

Welcome back to Comedy Bang Bang. Scott Ackerman here and, uh, wow, we are halfway through our special 10-hour episode. And by the way, a little behind the scenes here, uh, Chef Kevin over here has been, uh, working tirelessly to try to figure out how to, uh, uh, do the world's longest podcast. How do we put out a 10-hour episode? And it appears that, uh, there, there are no hosting sites who can, uh, host a 10-hour episode. Everything needs to be, uh, seven hours and 53 minutes is the maximum, I believe. So, uh, when we got the grand idea to do this, uh, we didn't even know, uh, that we were technically not able to. Other than the interesting part is Stitcher, uh, part of the Yearwell family here,

is actually the only place that you can hear this as one long uninterrupted 10-hour, uh, episode. So for everyone else, we've had to split it into two parts. So if you're getting it on, uh, iTunes or if you're listening on Spotify or whatever, uh, this is the beginning of the second part. But, uh, if you're listening on Stitcher, of course, we've just been rolling right through. But, uh, welcome back to those of you who have been listening on Stitcher and welcome, if you happen to stumble upon part two for some reason and started there, go back to the beginning. I explain everything, but I'll, I'll give you a brief, brief explanation. This is a 10-hour show where, uh, a lot of comedy bang bangs, favorite guests from the past 10 years are dropping by

with our open-door policy. And, uh, so far we've had so many great guests. I think we're out of guests. I think there, there probably can be, I can't think of a single other guest that's ever appeared on this show. Uh, wait a minute. I know that Fonzie like A. Anywhere. What's going on? I wouldn't know it. Hey, it's Joey Tortolini. Joey Tortolini. Yeah, back, back at it from years ago. Years. Oh my God. As I recall, you were an, uh, an unemployed person from, uh, the Sudan. Yeah, I didn't have a lot going on. Uh, although you did have a lot going on because on the weekends, you would DJ in Las Vegas for $70,000 a gig. Minimum. Sure. What's the maximum? Uh, 22, 22 mil, I think. One was, one was $22 million. Oh, you've made that. No, that's not

just one gig. Yeah. Wow. It was a festival, you know, these things. Right. And then you have also won multiple lotteries. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you're doing okay, even though you're unemployed. I don't know. You don't know why. Uh, you know, lots of things and going, going a bit sideways. Oh, okay. You know, I haven't seen you in years. We've, uh, the listeners have always wondered whatever happened to you and we haven't heard, uh, uh, you know, any details of your life in the past, maybe four years. Yeah. Yeah. I, you know, unless you're, unless you subscribe to, um, a couple of the, the minor magazines, you probably wouldn't have heard too much. Minor magazines? That's not barely legal. That's no, no, no. Well, I did appear in an issue of

how to help your teens, barely legal edition because you appeared in, in photographs or as articles, a photograph and a nice two page spread. Um, just cause I was doing some outreach stuff in the cities and the streets and the slums. Just trying to get your message out there. Trying to help these teens. Yeah. Okay. Did you help them? I helped a couple of teens get out of there. They got to go, they got to go to that. I wouldn't, I'm in woodworking. Oh, okay. That's very nice of you. But when you say minor magazines, do you mean, you just don't mean large publications? Yeah. Small town stuff. Like what? New York Times, Washington Post, London Express. The London Express. Wow. That's huge. It only comes out monthly, 12 times a year apparently.

12 issues. You can collect them all and the, the fantastic page turners. Wow. So what, what have you been doing in these publications? You've been writing articles or? I don't know if you've been following, but there's been a big, big in online push to get me on the moon. To get you on the moon. To get me, to get Joey Tortellini on the moon. You personally, not just anyone on the moon. Me personally. You personally, and what connection do you have to the moon? I mean, as I recall, you're from the Sudan, although you don't sound like it. No, not at all. You worked for the Sudanese government for a while. We were doing some crazy stuff in Darfur or something. I don't know. I can't remember. You're accused of certain war misdemeanors.

There was some shady business going on. Right. So then what do you have to do with that big ball of cheese up in the sky? They, it was in, as much as I have some people who are not big fans of me. You don't say. I mean, you've done some things in your past. Yeah, but it's eye of the beholder, you know, like beauty. Sure. Sure. Yeah. I have a bunch of people who are big, big fans and they want, as a birthday gift, to get me up there on the moons. A birthday gift. Wow. So would this be a private spacecraft going to the moon or they want to do the official U.S. They want to do official NASA, official NASA official. This isn't some SpaceX mumbo jumbo. What's his name doing? Elon Musk Elon Musk more like Elon tusks

because he has a big nose. Taboo, I think. Okay. And he's taboo like ivory is. Yeah, baby. Yo, you say baby too. I think so. That's great. Good to know about you. Do not, who's on the list of people saying baby? Oh man, so many people. We got Gino, we got Tracy Reardon, so many people say baby. We keep a running tally. Oh, I can calm down on the baby. It wasn't my first, that was pretty much my first time. I was just trying it out. Oh, okay. Well, you know, if the spirit moves you during this conversation, feel free to pepper it with a few more babies. We'll see if there's another opportunity. Thank you, Scott. Okay. So Scottie, they wanted to be official NASA because they wanted to count like it needs to be in continuity or

something. Yeah. Yeah. You don't, it doesn't count unless you're going through NASA. You know that, right? Oh really? So you cannot say that you've been on the moon unless it's an official NASA exploration. All the Russians and the Chinese, they've never been. They've never been officially, officially. Officially. On the moon or Mars. Because the moon is actually U.S. soil, as I recall, because we planted the flag and so yeah, you know, we don't allow people to emigrate to the moon. I would imagine like Russians and Chinese. Yeah. Which is unfortunate because, I mean, well, not, it's, it's frustrating to some of my friends in the Sudanese government because they got their eyes on that. They got their eyes on the moon. They've been trying to get there for

years. Not going to happen. So then what are the steps? How would you, I presume you would have to go to space camp. You would have to, is everything all right? You keep coughing. Air quality today unless it's terrible. I'm so sorry. Also your voice, just your natural speaking voice is so gravelly. It must be so hard on your larynx. It's a tough one with such bad air quality. So you would have to go to space camp, which I saw a movie about back in the 80s. Jamie Gertz was in it, as I recall. Yes, I did it. I succeeded very. You did it. Yes. They made me camp leader. Leader? Wow. So your grade point average must have been really sky high. 9.9. Wow. Out of 10. Out of 10. Oh, okay. I was going to say usually it's out of four. So.

Why? Why had a four? I know it. That doesn't make any sense at all. I know. Why? What's, how does it translate? And then people get above four all the time because they take extra credit stuff. So it's like you get a 4.5 or just make it 10. 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10. That's what they do in space camp. They'd never have anyone get 9.9 ever. Wow, congrats. They called me Richter scale as a, you know, fun nickname. Was that fun for you? I hated it. Scott, I fucking hated it. So you don't want me to call you Richter scale right now? Absolutely. If you can, if you cannot, I would. It's very, very tempting. So I don't know if I'm going to be able to adhere to that request. Please find it in your heart. Scott, please find it in your heart. Richter scale, what made you so,

what made you so good at space camp? I just did all the work and, and you know what, they were trying to figure it out. The big, the big problem is Mars nowadays, right? What's the problem with Mars? They don't care about going to the moon. They'll put me on there if they want to get to Mars. They've, they all want to get to Mars. Right. Who's going to get to Mars? That's the fun part for them is to get to Mars. That's, that's their off time. That's the relaxation part. Day by day, they're still trying to get to the moon. Right. But on the free time, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars. And then why do your fans want to get you to the moon and not to Mars? Because they think the moon is more achievable or? It's just, you'd have to ask them. Is that all they

could raise on the, the GoFundMe? The Kickstarter was, hey, as a lark, let's get Joey Tortellini to the moon. So they just want to send you to the moon for fun. As a joke. How much money did they raise? It seems like 22.6 trillion dollars. Oh my gosh. That's a little, I think that should cover it. So it was, it's part of that bribes in order, because you're not an astronaut. Not zero percent an astronaut. But again, you know, if we did the SpaceX, it would be more achievable. Sure. But that, I mean, with all that money, like you could buy NASA, I would imagine. Ah, I would have to look into that. Why haven't you with that much money? Let me just get on my computer here. Oh yeah. Thank you. You brought a little laptop here.

A laptop here. I'm going to just go to buynasa.com. They got a running ticker of the price. Be careful that this isn't just to buy their website, because a lot of people get, you know, if you want 21. It says there, this is not to buy the website. A lot of people have, that's buynasa.com. Right, right. You need to go to Squarespace for that. Buying domains is simple over there. Yeah. So, you son of a bitch. I got you. I tricked you into being an ad. Son of a bitch. Okay. So how much is, they got a running ticker? Right. And it's not that much. It is just 20.1 trillion. So I'd actually be able to do it and still have a few trills. Yeah. Have a little pocket money, a little walking

around cash. A couple two point, if my math is right, 2.5. Somewhere in there. Yeah. A little lettuce for your tomato. Yeah. You know, what the hell? Let's do it. Are you pressing the buy now button? Should I not? It was your idea. I think you should. I mean, then you can go to the moon, you can go to Mars, you can do whatever the hell you want. Here we go. Joey Tortellini, buy in NASA. Click. One click purchasing? It's it. There's no cart. There's nothing. Just buy now. Wow. You have a credit card on file, I would imagine. Obviously. What kind of credit card do you have that it has that kind of limit? Well, you sponsored by it. I have no credit card sponsorships. Well, maybe you can get that credit card money with American Express Black.

Oh, the blackest of American Express. Can I see your American Express Black card? Sure. That is so black that I can't even see it. That is like, it's my credit card so black. It's invisible. It's like an absence of color. Yeah. Yeah. It's my credit card so black that NASA just took a, finally just took a photograph of it. Are we doing snaps right now? Is that what's happening? I think this is treacherous territory. We need to, we need to, we need to get off this. I'm from the Sudan. I can do these jokes. I know, I know, but look, so maybe off color for you. Pardon the pun. On brand for you. Oh yeah. Baby. There you go. Sorry. Yeah, sorry. I didn't mean to pip you. I do it. So you own NASA now. Congratulations. So maybe I do go to the Mars.

To the Mars. So you'd rather go to Mars, but the people who gave you these trillions of dollars expect you to go to the moon. So yeah. What do I care? Who you owe them that? I, you know, it's going to be even better for my birthday. They're all expecting me on the moon. I can do a selfie video, say, Hey, I'm on the moon. What are we going to do? And then I turn around and reveal that it's actually the red planet Mars. Yes. Wow. And I'm halfway through the terraforming. So how Joey, were there any sort of like perks that you had to give people on the go fund me? Any sort of rewards that you had to give people? I didn't, I didn't even start this thing. Right. But I did notice that there were some parks on the site. Right. So you have to give people

like certain experiences or? Well, if you, if you contributed over $200,000, you'd get a signed t-shirt. It's me. It's me. I've got, I'm by my DJ set. I'm going, what the? So it's a photograph of Europe drawing an artist. Hold on. I'm going to take a piss. Don't do that right here in the studio. Just a little tinkle. Don't worry about it. Okay. Well, that's all right. That's why we have a toilet here, but I expect people to use it not during the show, but during the breaks. I got no shame. All right. Things I've seen, things I've done. So for $200,000 and above, you can get a t-shirt that has an artist's rendering of you next to your DJ equipment saying, what the? It's pretty wacky though. I'm going, huh? Okay. The face, the face I'm making on this thing. It's like, yikes.

How many people pledged over $200,000? 95%. 95%. So these are a couple of big donors. Okay. How much did they contribute? We're going to have to do some math on here, but it was upwards of, it was in the billions. So a few people pledged $100 billion and more in order to make up that difference. Yeah. To have 90% do $200,000. Yeah. We're going to have to at least go with a bunch of people doing hundreds of billions. I said at least $200,000. So to get to over $22,000, whatever the? Sure. I mean, if 90% pledged at least $200,000, then it can be any amount that you like. That's true. Okay. So, but there were a lot of big, are these like the 1% of the 1%? Are these the richest people in the world? Are fans of yours? Yeah. I mean, you could say that.

Are we talking Bezos? We talking. Yeah. Yeah. But you know, you got to understand that I helped in through the early 2000s, I helped a lot of families. A lot of families, really. Families in need? Families in need. Remember, I would go to the house at night and sort of said, do you son or daughter? Do they need, do you know where they are? Oh, I sort of recall. And I would, you know, make sure that they were okay. Right. And anyone with disabilities, I would correct them. You'll correct their disabilities? Using what? I've heard of like corrections in Scientology and. If there were physical disabilities, I'd smash them back into place. Okay. If there were mental disabilities, I'd just finally talk to these kids. Oh,

psychological treatment. I would bring them back. Okay. Wow. So you're some sort of a healer. You have like healing energy on you. I don't do the hippie-stippy-dippies. Right. But I do do common hard science facts. With just a force as well. You would sort of like putting a square peg in a round hole. You know, you see these kids and they're going go-go-ga-ga and they're too old to go-go-go-ga-ga. All you got to do is you got to look them right. And you say, what do you want? Use your words. I see. Because that's, and that's a lot like acting, you know, ever, you all have wants when you're acting. So what is your primary one? I don't always never enact the baby. There we go. Number three. So you helped out a lot of families in need. Yes. And so entire families,

entire communities, cities, towns, countries, they all pulled together and they said, we got to get this guy in the moon. Wow. So my gift to them is saying, hey, on my birthday, we're not on the moon today. We're on Mars. And you think that'll be okay with them? Because, I mean, there's certain things about the moon that everyone likes, the craters, the dark side. I think they're going to be pretty pleased because I'll be the first man on the moon. On the Mars. On the Mars. And I'll be able to claim Mars for America. Sudan. Oh, you do it for Sudan? I love Sudan. I think a lot of these people want you to claim it for America, especially now, well, I guess you own NASA. So it's NASA is now a Sudanese. It is a Sudanese entity. You are correct, sir. I don't know whether I

should have encouraged you to buy that. So wait, is it going to, what does NASA stand for again? It's North America Space Air Force. What is it? It's something like that. So is it just going to be CISA? No, it's going to be NASA's North American Space Association Sudan. Of Sudan. NASA's house. NASA's. There you go. Okay. Perfect. So you're going to take NASA's house up to Mars. You're going to claim it for the Sudan. Correct. And everyone here who contributed to your GoFundMe page is now suddenly going to be, I don't know, I think they might be a little disappointed. Well, you know, right now, we're accepting all kinds of, if you want to immigrate to Sudan, that's, you can get it now, do it now. Okay. If you want to be part of the Mars,

the Martian Revolution. I have a feeling this sounds different than how I initially sound. Well, I just, your age, we haven't seen you in four years. You know, your voice becomes naturally more gravelly. Yeah, something's different here. You did say dues both times, as I recall. I dues and I don'ts. So if you want to go to Sudan, you're taking all comers. Yeah, sure. Getting ready for the Martian Revolution. What does the Martian Revolution mean to you exactly? Meaning you're going to terraform and revolutionize Mars. And in case there are any Martians there, you're going to overtake them much as we did with the Native Americans when we came to America. No, no, no. They're going to be sitting there going beep,

beep, boop, boop, beep. I'm going to say, what do you want? Tell me what you need. Look, I'm right in the eyes. What do you think that is? I mean, they could want anything. They could. Well, have you ever tried to talk to a Martian? I've never even encountered a Martian or maybe I haven't. I just don't know. Well, let me tell you, Scott, I haven't either. But if I ever do, well, look them right in the eyes and ask them, what do you want? What if they don't have eyes? What if they are not even humanoid in appearance? What do you know that doesn't have eyes? A flower? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That lives and breathes and walks. Wise guy. I guess, I mean, there are certain human beings? Who?

Name one person who doesn't have eyes. Well, I'll tell you, Sammy Davis Jr. famously only had one. You know, he had a glass one. Okay. Well, look into his regular eyes and say, what do you want? Okay, but what if he had lost his other one in a different car accident, then he would have no eyes? That's so hypothetical. Now you're talking about a whole planet of creatures who've lost both eyes. In two different car accidents. Multiple car accidents. Maybe, I don't know. You know, you spin a good yarn, Scott. But I don't. Joey Tortolini tells it how it is. Okay, well, good luck to you. I mean, when do you think you'll be making this trip? My birthday's tomorrow. It's tomorrow. Okay, so you got some work to do.

Just under the water. You need to start prepping this. You need to call, I mean, you're the boss, so you need to call up your subordinates and tell them to prep the space rocket. Prep the rockets, get the biodome, get Polly Shore, get the whole crew. We're going to Mars. You know, I mean, you'd spend some time at NASA in space camp. Are there, I mean, I think you're going to have to travel through several wormholes in space in order to get there by tomorrow. You know, we'll find them. You're confident. Oh, we'll find them, Scott. Those point extras over there at NASA, I bet they know where all those things are. Those ding-dong human computers.

We're going to find them, those dorks. Well, congratulations and happy birthday. I mean, I don't know if you know this, but it's the birthday of this program, the 10th birthday of this program. What program? Do you not know I've been taping these conversations? You have? Oh, no. I got to call my lawyer. Oh, please don't, shut us down with an injunction. No, I got to go. Yeah, good to see it. Yeah, it's great to see you, Joey. Please come back more often. Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe. All right, we'll see you later.

All right, bye, baby. Hey, another one in. See, that's what this show is all about. Someone who has only made one appearance can come in here and make such an impression that years later, four years later, I can still remember almost every detail about his life. Wonderful, wonderful. Thanks to Joey Tortolini for dropping by. And I think that... Who's this? Who's coming in now? What, what, what, what? Oh, I would know that laugh in yee-haw and that what, what, what, anywhere. What, what, what, what? Oh, it's my two good friends, Chelsea, Chaz, Palmentary Peretti, and Adam Scott from the Farts and Procreation episodes.

What, what? Yes, what, what? Thank you for those, thank you for those fart noises. I assume that's a woman orgasming. And that's the actual, that's actual tape you're playing of you orgasming. Yep, and let me turn that off. Okay, thank you, Adam. This is how I really come. Woo-hoo! That sounds fun, actually. Yeah, it is. It's silly. It adds a touch of levity. It's silly. And I come like this, it's serious, it's... I feel so terrible for your spouses. It also feels a little foreign. Yeah. What would happen if you, what would happen if you would put those two styles together? Meaning, would you guys fuck in front of me? But like characters.

Yeah, sure. Sure, whatever it takes to get you to in this, the virtual sec. How are you guys doing? Thank you for dropping by. It's so good. So good to see you. You've been such wonderful parts of the show over the past 10 years. Ten years. That means you must be, oh my god. Ten years. That's right, I have tenure now. Wow, you can't get fired. Can you imagine if they tried to fire me from the show? Hey, listen, we're going a different way with those. Ten year is such a racket. Isn't it? What do you mean when you say a racket? Ah, scam, con, tenure? What is that? There should be no stability.

Oh, I thought you meant ten years as a racket. Oh, no, no. That's a real unit of time. Yeah, I agree. I think at a certain point, everyone should be forced to retire from whatever job they do. Yeah, no healthcare, no stability, no status. Just kick them to the curb. Yeah. At the latest 43 years old, you have to retire from any job. Right. It's a real Logan's run kind of situation. Yep. Yeah. And why 43? Because it's younger than I am. I just wanted to point it out.

Yeah, and you want to retire. What are you drinking from, Adam? He's 43 and a half. Oh, you're a big boy now. I'm drinking something that wasn't a trend 10 years ago, speaking of 10 years ago. Topochico. Okay. And I'm sponsored by them now. Oh, you are? Congratulations. Thanks. You're wearing a very festive Hawaiian shirt and you're drinking Topochico. With a Topochico t-shirt on underneath. He's like a tropical breeze. Yeah, you're on the Topochico street team,

I've noticed. Yeah. Oh, I'm out. I'm doing, I'm a Topochico, official Topochico hype man. I've seen you out at Cedarhurst and avocado. For sure. I'm out there on the corner with my sign. Just spreading the word, man, spreading the good word of Topochico. The sign doesn't say Topochico though, that's what confuses me. No, it says praise God. You're just hoping that someone will connect the dots. You're working on two things at once. Praising God and drinking some delicious water.

Wow, incredible. And spreading the good word. Are you sponsored by anyone, Chills? Not yet. Oh, you got to get sponsored. However, I am looking for something to take on. Okay. It's a thing to rep. Sure. I will do it of course across all social media platforms. All social media platforms. I'm looking for something where I'm doing 25 Instagram posts.

Okay. Including a one hour live. Okay. And this is over the course of a year? A week. A week. 25 a week regarding one product? 100, 125 Twitter posts a day. A day? Wow, I mean, yeah. Do you have any idea what set of product you want? Like, is there any? No, I'm open to anything. I don't have any moral qualms. Okay. That's going to be like a post every 12 minutes.

Yeah. That's incredible. But you know, I think my fans would go with it, and I think they're buyers, and I think they're... You have an incredible social media following. If I were a company, I would capitalize on this right now. Oh, yeah. How much does someone charge for something like this? Millions.

Millions. But you would do it. Oh, God, yeah. So if someone came to you with, I'm, okay, let me just say... Three million dollars. Three million dollars. You would literally do 125 Twitter posts a day about their product. Now, see, this started off as just a facetious thing,

but yes, I would. You are committing right now to actually doing that. Three mil is kind of cheap for that kind of thing, too, considering what the Kardashians get. I mean, it would basically cut my following in half. I know. It's a lot of money, though. It's a lot of money. But if you did it as a bit, people would kind of enjoy it.

They would eventually mute you because... Everything's hashtag ad. Hashtag spawn. I love hashtag spawn. Sponcon. Mm-hmm. I don't think I've seen spawn. I've seen ad. Hashtag. Oh, hashtag spawn? Search it.

You've done hashtag ad. I've done hashtag ad, certainly. Yeah. Hashtag. Certainly. Spawn. I've never done hashtag ad. Why do you say it's so certainly? He's a celebrity. Oh, that's the difference.

That's right. I mean, you just assume... Sometimes I feel like we're on equal footing because of the other show we do. Right, right. No. But no. Where we don't have any ads. Big little lines. Yeah, people are way more interested in advertising with you as in just a celebrity

than they are our actual show that we do. Yeah, it's a topsy turvy world and we're just living in it. Chelsea, are you in Big Little Lies 2? Keep on lying? Spiritually. I watch it. I think about it. I sure work.

I process it. Listen, Chelsea is all over that thing. I root for some of the gals and I don't root for others of the gals. That's right. I have no idea. I've never seen it. Never will.

00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:55,520 But always nice to meet a fan. Yeah. Oh, God. Huge. Huge. But what do you have in the pipeline? You know what I talk about when I talk about the pipeline. I have some spicy Thai food in there. Really? Is that what you're talking about?

Yeah, exactly. I'm talking about your colon. Tell us about your colon, Adam. Well, I've got two bowls of Kashi cereal in the pipeline that I'm excited about. So you let me... Went down easy. Feel like it might shoot on out pretty easy too. Two bowls of Kashi.

Doesn't that sound scratchy? Yeah. Yeah, that sounds... Oh, man. Just you're constantly like... Oh, I got a reshift. May shift. Eating two heads of lettuce. Yeah, I hope you chewed well.

Adam, you do the two bowls of Kashi in the morning. You do think thin bars the entire day. Two bowls of Kashi. You know what? I haven't had a think thin bar in a long time. Since Bono gave this one? That's right. I was like, ah, fuck this. And the weird part is when you eat like that,

you shit power bars. In the shape of power bars. But then you can sell them, especially if you're a celebrity. Hashtag, add. Spawn. Spray's God. Hashtag, spawn.

Hashtag, praise God. If Spawn the movie came out during the social media era, do you think they would have had to have Spawn? People would be confused. It's like, is this sponsored contact for the movie Spawn? And it would go Spawn spelled the right way, and then hashtag Spawn. Spawn, S-P-O-N, boy.

And then hashtag Spawn the movie because... Of course, of course. You got to do both. God, I hope there's a reboot of it coming out soon so we can answer this question. Please, please, please, please. Wonderful pieces. Please, please, please, please, please, please.

Oh, mama. Come on, Spawn. Come on, bring it on, bring it on. Come on, Spawn. Spawn, let's go, Spawn, let's go, Spawn, let's go. Spawn! Spawn! Spawn both ways. Spawn both ways.

Spawn, you did it. Well, I guess there's nothing left for you guys to do, but kiss, so... My son only open mouth kisses. Your son only open mouth kisses. So he'll be like, give me kiss. He's like... He's just flinching you the entire time?

Yeah, he just... No, he doesn't even move his mouth. He just comes towards you. Oh, you got to teach him how to do it right. Uh, it's so cute, though. When our kids were babies, I wanted them to flinch me. So, so bad. Yeah, they're so cute.

French and babies. Do they still cuddle with you? I'm so scared of when that ends. Okay, great. What do... Yeah, at what point? I think at 16, it's going to be like, hey, do you mind?

Yeah, get your own app off of it. I'll take it. You nasty fuck. Yeah, 16, I still... Get off me. You nasty fuck. Do you want to record a drop here that you can just play for your children

when they get older? Chelsea, here you go. Wait, it's me to them? Yeah. Please cuddle with me, hug me, hold me. Let's nuzzle into one another like we once did. Okay, now do the nasty fuck one, so we get a clean one of those.

Get off me, nasty old fuck. Okay, good. I think we got both of those options. We can send them to you. You can email them both. I'll say, listen, I knew this was coming. I'm not blindsided. Here we go.

You just play it. Press play on a big boombox. Yeah. On Sonos. So it goes throughout the house. Oh, yes, right. Yeah, no matter what room they're in. I'm sponsored by Sonos, by the way.

Oh, okay. You're fucking killing it, dude. Sonos, keep it real with the speakers in the house. That's their... That's their new slogan? That's terrible. No, keep it real with the speakers in the house. Thank you.

Thank you? Well, I came up with it, so thank you. Oh, that is terrible. And then some people in the house are using it as a hashtag. And I do mean like speakers in the house. Right, like speaker Pelosi. Yeah.

Yeah, right. They're also using the Sonos tag, and there's been a big war. It's kind of flamed up. Oh, yeah, I've seen that. Yeah, that's the biggest story in politics right now. Politicians versus Sonos. Yeah.

What do you guys think about Washington? It's for me... George W. with those little soft waves. For me, it's like... I had a theory about this a few episodes back. For me, it's like the circus was... You know, the traveling circus, like the Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Bailey.

I don't know about their Showtime series. Yeah, exactly. So they're out there traveling. They land in Washington, and they're like, we like it so much. I think maybe all the clowns will just stay here. Yeah. Tell me about it.

You know what I mean? Yeah, let's drop this band of clowns off at the House of Representatives, and they'll take up permanent residence. That's what I mean. That's... Yeah, you're building on what I was saying, obviously. I'll say this, there are a bunch of clowns there in D.C.

Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're getting at? Kind of, I mean... I was sort of circling around it. I think you said it maybe more clearly than I had really thought of it. Yeah. Any thoughts, Chelsea?

On D.C.? Sure. It's a great comedy town. But now, I don't know. I don't know. When's the last time you were back? God, that's a great question. Probably in five years.

Five years! So half the time this show has been on the air. Wow. Five. It's all about your show. And when I was there... Obama was president. Wow.

Did you see him? No, but I felt him everywhere. Yeah. I bet. It was his town. It's a real politics town, I've noticed. It is. It's a...

It's a... Like how Hollywood is for celebrities. Howly weird. Stop that. Stop that right now. I don't like that kind of talk on this show. Well, no matter what you think about, it's a company town, right?

Right. Yeah. It's a one-trick pony. It's kind of the same except politics. It's kind of the same thing. But it seems to me like people really talk about politics there. Yeah. Well, also it's like you have the president,

they're actually the White House is there. I never looked at it that way. Yeah. That's sort of maybe I guess why, you know... People kind of flock their politicians just because they have to do business. They have to go to the White House, knock on the door. The agency stuff.

Hello is Mr. Donald Trump there. Hello. Right, yeah. Is Donnie there? Then he's like... Bleh, bleh, do you guys... I think maybe the clown car made a pit stop at the White House too.

I don't know. I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. You know, I had a theory about him that everyone calls him, you know, the commander-in-chief obviously. But I sometimes think he's the tweeter-in-chief.

Oh, I was going to say the commander-in-cheese. Or the orange-in-cheese. I don't know. You know what I think? We should get together and workshop these. I just, I can't get enough of these tweet storms. How about commander-in-queef? This is better.

Yeah. This is better. Commander-in-queef. What? Okay, this is serious question because the debates are coming up next year in 2020. Oh, yeah. Whoever wins the nomination,

what if they just entire time called him the commander-in-queef? That would be insane. He would have no comeback. And they're like, excuse me, sorry, commander-in-chief. And they just do it every single time. But just... Yeah, and then they're like...

Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. 00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:40,800 Commander-in-chief. He insults them or whatever. And then they go, well, that's rich coming out of you, the commander-in-queef. And he would have no rejoinder.

He would say, commander-in-chief. I'm so sorry. But then like eight times during the debate, they call him the commander-in-queef. This is a good game play. The one time they winked to the camera after. Like I actually do know what I'm saying. Yeah, that's fun.

That's how you get the millennial vote. Exactly. Any mention of queefs, you get like 100,000 millennials. They come stampede through... They love queefs. Queefing is probably... Sometimes I wish I were a woman so I could queef. I wish you were a woman too.

Do you really? Yeah. Why? So we could be best friends? Well, like everything's hosted by guys. Yeah. And white guys and white straight guys. This should be...

Yeah, I should be a woman. It's okay though. This is... The spirit of it is fun and feminine. Well, you know, we can't... You know, there are a lot of shows hosted by women and there are shows hosted by women who just gave up on the show and don't do it anymore.

So it's... Yeah, you. Well, you know, I never did ads. So that was less of an incentive, you know. But now, if I did one now, I would do all ads and then at the end, I say one thing that I'm going through in life. Like a half an hour of ads and then just...

Then I'm like, I ate spicy Thai food and my stomach hurts. My car wouldn't start. And my car wouldn't start. That's a freebie. And I refuse to take it too. The dealer. The dealer. Yeah.

Okay, if you want to do some ads right now, go ahead. Sighing. Try it. Energy release comes from sighing. Coughing. Got a tickle in your throat? Give it a cough. You'll see.

Coughing. You'll see. You'll see. You like it. Coughing. Giggling. When you don't want to laugh, but you got some energy in you and you're kind of amused, give it a giggle.

You might just like what you find. These are good ads. Thank you so much. Yeah, no, it's good. This is a good show. Yeah. You make a shitload of money from those ads. Yeah.

From the medical association. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Tell one. Guys, thank you so much. It means the world to me that you dropped by and you did this wish. The world?

That's a lot. That's, yeah, maybe being hyperbolic. Thank you snow much. Is that like John Snow from Candy Thrones? Yeah, that or a snowman might say it. Mr. Snowman. Thank you snow much for having me. Thank you snow much for having me.

This is good. That's an earnest snowman who's kind. Thank you snow. This is a good character. Oh, they get a good gift. They're like, thank you snow much. I've been eyeballing this. With coal for my eyes.

Yeah, coal eyes. What is it? Like a new carrot? Is that what we're giving him? Or scarf? I thought it was an extra carrot to put. Hold on, let's high five. I got to get over to you though.

Okay, I'm coming back. That was good. Coordinated. That was some good shit. It was like such a perfect high five. It sounded like a clap. Sort of did. Such a good high five.

Perfect contact. That's what you're going for though usually, right? You want that. Is a clap sound. A clapping sound. High five primarily consists of a clapping sound. Well, it's a properly executed. It's skin on skin.

Skin on skin. Right? Properly executed. That's what he said. He was a dictator. This is good. There you go. No, let's keep going with that.

Let's pull at this thread. Yeah. Guys, thank you so much. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. Let alone the farts and procreation episodes, by the way, the vinyl record is out now. Did you see that, Chelsea?

Yeah, it's beautiful. I just gave you guys your copies. It's gorgeous. It's gorgeous. Pick it up. Those episodes as well as the other episodes you've done, you've been big parts of the show over the past 10 years. It's been an honor and just such a relief for the brain and the soul

to just come be silly. And with no goal. Are you going to do an ad for clearing your throat now? Clearing your throat. You know what? Sometimes you got some phlegm in there. You'd think it was pronounced ph-ph-ph-lem. Ph-h-l-m-g.

Ph-h-l-m. Ph-h-l-m-g. But it's not. And when you go, you get it out. And then you can talk in a clear voice. And you can swallow it. That's the thing, because it comes up at the top and then it's just swishing around your mouth for a while.

Yeah, then you give it a nice gulp. Swallowing. But in seriousness and serio, thanks for having me. It's a bright spot of life. Yeah, thank you. Cut. Snow much, Scott. Thank you, snow much.

And in conclusion, thank you, snow much. No. Seriously, it has been snow fun. Okay, get out of here. Both of you get out of here. This show is snow fun, but I still- It's snow fun. It's snow fun.

Oh, it's snow fun. It's snow fun. Okay, please leave. Bye. Mmm. So good to see those guys. Some of the most special episodes we've ever done have been with those guys. The Farts and Procreation episodes one through four.

Check those out if you haven't. Just pure silliness for an hour and a half a piece with our good friend, Harris Whittles, who unfortunately, it would be my greatest wish to have him back on this show for this 10th anniversary, but go check those out and catch the vinyl if you can. Catch the vinyl. I don't think that's ever been said about vinyl. Catch the vinyl.

But I tell you, so many great old favorites dropping by that- Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. Who's knocking after they already opened the door and came in? Motherfucker, who do you think it is? Oh, it's our old friend, Fabrice Fabrice. That's right, Scott. Welcome is Fabrice Fabrice, a beast from the east and ain't so nice. You have to say it again.

That's right. A catchphrase that still holds up 10 years in you, motherfucking bitch. How long did you exist before the show started as well? I was born anew into this program and of course, I was also in the program. I am in recovery. Oh, you are. You're a friend of Bill W. I am a friend of Bill.

What's his last name? Bill Williamson. Oh, okay, great. I've always wondered. No one would tell me. His full name was William Williamson and then I shortened up to Bill and then it became Bill was suck your dick for a 40 and then he just became Bill again once he got sober. Fabrice, it's so good to see you.

We haven't seen you in so long. Fabrice, he did craft service on the Comedy Bang Bang television show. That's right. And that's his main job. That's the main thing that I have had done for myself in many years of labors. But since then, obviously, we have had our falling out. That's true. I haven't really wanted to talk about it necessarily.

And let's cut to that. We're not cut into it. No, it's not a clip show. It's a 10th anniversary. This is not a clip show. Sorry, we have nothing to cut to. Okay. Yeah.

And besides, I don't think that we were taping our falling out. That was off-mic. That was off-mic. That's right. You would ask for heirloom baby carrots. Which I don't think is an unreasonable request necessarily. Look, I do not like carrots that are different color than orange. I don't not like a purple carrot.

So just because you don't like them personally doesn't mean you can't serve them. It very much does actually because I believe one cannot serve food that one cannot stand behind. That's why I will not stand behind. That's why I never served a tilty table. Well, it's fine that you- Because I cannot stand behind a tilty table. Because you can't stand behind, yes, I understand. But what I'm trying to say is it's fine that you don't want to serve it,

but I don't understand why you suddenly pitched such a fit and walked off and we haven't spoken since. Well, because Scott, it's sometimes it's the note behind the note, right? Okay. So we had had our disagreements about this particular- Any note is I have displeasure in the way you're doing your job. So unfortunately, any note is going to come out as a little, you know, unfortunately, I didn't like the way your work was going at that particular moment. This is so typical, Scott Ackerman, to think that you were giving me the note.

Okay, because I was giving you the note. I don't know how. I was giving you the note that I did not like your reaction to me not wanting to get a little baby carrots. It was more than that. It was you tossed over the entire craft service table. That's right. You started throwing things at me.

That's right. And it wasn't even craft service items. You weren't taking personal items from- No, it was staplers. It was three whole punches. It was binders full of schedules. And these are old scripts. And these are old scripts.

And these are all things that you could find on a set. These are all things. Trust me. If you go back and listen to this and ask someone who's in show business, they'll check off every single item. And let's go back and listen. Let's cut back and let's listen to that. Okay, again, we do not have clips, unfortunately.

We cannot do this. Okay. So, and these are all things that you can find on a set as well as, you know, those are all the things that I can think of. I can think of that on a set, three whole punches. You go to NCIS, New Orleans. You're going to find a lot of three whole punches there. The Golden Rod revisions.

Oh, that's right. That is right. That's classic set. I love to get pissed on, speaking of Golden Rod. But I don't know what you mean revisions. Wow. Happening again. Yeah, exactly.

It's happening again. And let's cut to that. Let's get, let's cut to me getting peed on. I don't think you want to cut to that. Even if we had tape of it, I don't think you want that to happen. Okay. Well, I could do sort of a Michael Winslow, sort of a... It's just going to sound like, yeah.

Anyone can do this. Oh, god damn it. It's either a snake impression or peeing. It's salty. This is salty. That's not true. None of this is true. Fabrice de Bries does not like to get peed on.

No. Okay. We only want to make sure no one out there, if there are young, impressionable children out there, getting peed on is not fun. It's not hygienic. Yes. Unless, unless...

Unless you're a pee freak. Unless you're a pee freak. And then it's great. It's great fun. It's great fun and also very healthy. And it's been known to be said that pee is very good, and actually very good for bacteria. It's a very good exfoliant from what I understand.

Exactly. From what I understand. From what Scott understands from being pissed on. You know. Is this... Now, this is for the podcast, right? This is going on a... No, this is not the television show.

We're not filming you currently. This is the 10 years of the podcast. The television show was five years that happened in the middle of those 10. Thank you for understanding the timeline of your life so far. Yes. And pre the podcast. Yes.

I... Nothing much happened. Oh, Scott, that's not true. That's not true. I cannot even recall a time that... I remember working on Mr. Show. I was the craft services coordinator on Mr. Show. You were very nice to work on that show,

and I recruited you from that show. That's right. And it took you over to my own show. I remember saying to Bob, I remember when they... When y'all were doing that Mr. Show, I said, Bob, Bob, might play a lawyer. Might play a lawyer sometime.

And he said, okay, Fabrice, I'm listening. I go... He was intrigued. No jokes. I go, no jokes. Maybe sometimes. But no real jokes. But not right then.

No big jokes. Just a lawyer. Just a lawyer. Exactly. He said, okay, I go, I saw something. Anyway, I gotta go. I gotta go. So you almost created not only Better Call Saul,

but Breaking Bad itself. Wow. Yeah. Amazing. I spent many years in Albuquerque. You did? Doing what? Yes.

I was selling crystal meth. I don't think that you want to say that on mic. Why? It's too late. Is the statute of limitations over about the crystal meth? 00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:28,640 Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, be a Corpus Christi. Whatever. It's Corpus Christi. They can't call me back on that. They're gonna have to go down to Corpus Christi to find me there. Is that where you're spending most of your time right now?

I got family. I got family in Corpus Christi. Who is your family? I don't even know. Do they have two similar names as well? My friends are my family. Okay, so you don't actually have family, family. Patrice Patrice.

Oh. He's my family. Well, unfortunately, he passed. Of course, Patrice O'Neill, my dearest friend of all. Oh, right. That's who I'm thinking. Yes, that's who you're thinking of. Patrice O'Neill.

Who's Patrice Patrice? Patrice Patrice is what I will call... Patrice O'Neill. Patrice O'Neill. Order for this to make sense. For this whole run to my sense. That's right. I appreciate that you have my back like that.

Yes, of course. Always and forever, Scott. You gave me the greatest opportunity of all. I had you on the podcast 10 years ago. You were one of our very first guests and your career blew up since then. And this was before the TV show. This was before the television show.

Because then there was the TV show for five years. Thank you for remembering my life now. And then there was time after that. Yes, exactly. And so now we are where we are. Now we're out. But this is still continuing. We're just celebrating the 10 years.

This is us. Are you working on This Is Us now? I am the craft services coordinator on this. No spoilers for whoever's dead. And I know a lot of people die on that show. And I'll catch up with it someday. Honey, I would not tell you if you paid me. That's how much I love that crew.

That's how much I love being on that program. How's Milo? Milo's great. Is he dead? Milo is alive and well in real life. I cannot speak to his character Orc. I cannot speak to his character Orc. Mandy Moore.

I love Mandy Moore. She is the sweetest person alive. Ryan Adams X. Ryan Adams. Not the sweetest person alive. It turns out. Would he come by the set? Allegedly.

He would ironically come by the set. Certainly K. Brown. The sweetest man alive. Amazing. Dan Fogelman. A wonderful boss. The NBC brass. I love him.

Have we gone down the list of everything you know about This Is Us at this point? Mandy Moore is old on that show. Sometimes. Really? I have no idea. I've not seen it. Yes, Scott.

I don't follow all of your various projects, unfortunately. Are you not watching a lot of network television these days? You know, I'm more of a premium cable guy. That's right. You've heard of the cable guy, right? Oh, I love the cable guy. I'm the premium cable guy. You know I was the craft services coordinator on the cable guy.

Really? Yes. What was that said like? You have Ben Stiller with Jim Carrey. He had a lot of personality. Is that where you met Bob originally? That's where I met Bob. I said, Bob.

Well, I'm trying to remember. I think Mr. Show have been on the air. Bob actually got me on. Bob got me on the cable guy. That's how it was. And Jack Black. Jack Black was on that movie. So many great people.

Leslie Mann. That's where Jen Avertel did. Leslie Mann was on that movie. John Apertel. Did you hook those guys up? I said, hey, Judd. Why don't you get together with this Leslie Mann? And Judd said, OK.

And then I said. Don't have to tell me twice. Don't have. And I did it. And I refused too. I said, the advice so nice, I had to give it once. So and then I did that. And I said to Jim Carrey, I said, you know, you got the cable.

You got Ace Ventura. You got this. By the way, Cable Ace Awards. That's right. You know what I mean? I worked on the Cable Ace Awards. You were on the Cable Ace Awards. I was the craft services coordinator on the Cable Ace Awards.

Were those for commercials or those were for cable programs? Those were for cable. Now, the Clio Awards was for commercial. Was for the commercials. Right. Do they still give those out? Oh, my God. I did the craft services coordinator on the Clio Awards.

And I remember when they had that, where's the beef lady from the Wendy's commercial? Oh, really? Did they give her a lifetime achievement award? Hey, you all bitch. The beast's right here. And I had a bun on my dick and a bun. Oh, no.

How did you take that? All the way down the throat. Oh, damn. Yeah. We would have had fun. That was a different time of show business. You could do stuff like that. It was a different time.

You could have. You could harass people. Right. And you'd just get away with it. And now things have changed. Things have changed over the even the past 10 years. I mean, to think about the things that we used to do on set that I witnessed you do.

Well, I don't think we need to talk about that. No, and you don't have any tape to that effect. But let's cut to some of that tape. Again, we do not have any of that tape. I just think that things have changed. I mean, some of our old friends are no longer with us. Of course, I was the craft service coordinator on the Charlie Rowe show.

Oh, you were, really? The guy who famously took, he swam naked, I believe. He swam naked, I said. Hey, Charlie, because originally he was going to do a show in a big fluorescent room with lots of oddies. And I was like, hey, Charlie, black room, nobody there. And he said, OK.

Now, why would that be an idea? I was like, you can be in your robe and take out your people. You can take out your people. Are you saying people or people? I mean, it's in the eye of the beholder. You know, so I worked on that show. Let's see. I worked on The Chew with Mario Vitali.

Oh, OK. I recall that show, yeah. And I was like, I got to get out of here. I can't work craft services on a show that's about food because nobody wants to eat that food. Yeah, exactly. They're eating there on the set. They're eating that on camera.

And that was the only problem with Mario Vitali? That was the only problem with Mario Vitali, except that he had a crock wrangler. He had some guy bringing him new orange crocs every day. And then he had new ones every day. New crocs. With your Vitali, you can afford it. I mean, walk a mile in those shoes.

No, thank you. No, thank you. Stingy. And then also, he had that vest. He had those fleece vests. Oh, right, yeah. That was your only problem with him. That was my big issue with him was his clothing attire.

And then back to the cable guy, though, I remember, that movie was originally very funny. Oh, yeah. From what they say, the original cut was very funny, and they made it a little darker. And then I said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Make it serious. Take away the jokes.

Nobody wants to. This was you. Yeah, I said, no, no, no, no, no, no. Nobody wants to see Jim Carrey making jokes. Make it serious. Your ideas are scatter shot at best. I mean, you had Breaking Bad, very successful, and then the cable guy.

Vince Gilligan will claim, OK, in court, in court, and elsewhere. And elsewhere that he came up with. In court and other. And on James Corden, wherever you want, that he came up with that show himself, you know. And I'm like, come on, man, come on, man. I go, I guess I'm, you know, he and I used to not, we used to play mini golf together.

You did mini at your golf. Yeah, I mean, Vince Gilligan will play mini golf. Is that out in Albuquerque, where he spent so much time with the crystal meth? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I remember playing with him. I go, hey, hey, hey, hey, what about the dad from Malcolm in the middle, but he got cancer?

So you independently told Bobby should play a lawyer, Saul, something. Yeah. And then also independently told Vince Gilligan that the dad from Malcolm in the middle should get cancer. That's right. Did you think, did you say he should just get cancer or he should play someone who had cancer?

I mean, in a fit of rage, I said that, I said that Brian Cranston should get cancer. What did Brian Cranston ever do to the likes of you? He set you a good sport. He took it in stride. Oh, this was to his face. This was to his face.

Was this on the Malcolm in the middle set? This was. I was the craft services coordinator on Malcolm and Adam. Oh, OK. How are those kids? Oh, they were great. They were wonderful. I remember telling Frank, you know, I said,

get out of act and get into Formula One racing. And so he said, you know what? Fabrice, that's not a bad idea. So some of your ideas should be taken with a grain of salt because they haven't worked out so well. As I like to say, everything should be taken with a grain of salt because everything tastes better, a little bit salty.

That's right. That's why you have just a mound of it on the craft service table anytime that you. Everybody said that. Yeah, that's what it is. It's salt. Oh, isn't that salt? It's cocaine.

Why have I not been taking the cocaine? Because I don't know, Scott, but that cocaine makes you feel elegant. And powerful. I will say I salted all of my food every single day when I was doing the comedy bang bang television show. That's why you would talk so fast on those intros. I think so. That's what it was.

Also, just why waste time on an intro? I agree. That's why I always felt like I was giving you that no, Scott. You know, get through those intros. Get through those intros. Get through those intros. Do you miss being all set in that one room all day long for 15 hours a day?

Just plowing through pages. Not really. Maybe I miss being on television, but. Sure, but. Hey, look, I was on that TV program as well. Yeah, doing 30 pages a day. Doing 30 pages a day or one improvised spoken word poem. Either way, it was.

Either way, it's a hard, hard life. It was exhausting. Well, you're one of our oldest friends, Fabrice. I mean, we haven't seen the likes of you in quite a bit, you know? And I wondered, I guess it was, you know, we were mad at each other. We had our falling outs. Anything more than that is. Well, I have been doing other things of Reese's.

You have other hobbies or professions? Right. I've been dabbling in all types of things. I've been advising people. Advising people. I don't know what that means. You know, it's a different time. Like, okay. Just even the idea of me, of me doing Fabrice Fabrice.

I don't know if it's even acceptable anymore. It's so hard to tell. It's so hard to tell now. I don't know. I mean, you're a wonderful character. I mean, person. Yeah. You have wonderful characteristics, I guess.

That's right. And characteristics that can be found in many a person. Exactly. And very true to life. Exactly. And I think if you trace my representation on this show, you might feel a difference in the kind of things that I talk about. I don't know what you mean.

How do you, what exactly are you talking about here? I mean, I think 10 years ago on this show, I was a cruel beast. And now I'm all about positivity. That's right. Fabrice Fabrice, I think your brand should be positivity. That's right. It's Fabrice. It's positivity.

It's uplifting. It's acceptance. It's love. Exactly, Scott. How are you going to put that into practice? I'm going to open a gun range. I don't see the connection. If everybody carries a gun, everyone will feel.

It's like no one is carrying a gun. Exactly. I'm a spokesman for the NRA now. Okay. I don't know that this is the direction that you should be going to. No, that's right. I got a jingle for the NRA now. Okay.

What is it? I love the little tag at the end. It's almost like a post-credits scene in a Marvel movie. That's right. I love those Marvel movies. What do you love about them? You know, Avengers Endgame now has been out for three days or so. That's right.

Made a billion dollars at the box office. So exciting. You know, I've worked on all of those Marvel movies. Every single one from Iron Man to Avengers Endgame? And Man with the Wasp. And Man with the Wasp. And Man with the Wasp. And all of them up to this Endgame, Avengers Endgame,

and it was a tearful production for us to be a part of. Really? I don't know why. I mean, they say that spending a lot of time in one green room can get very tough on the psyche. No, it brought us all together and to watch all of those male actors bonding with each other, the camaraderie of movie stars.

They all got to get very buff for those things. They all lift waste. For one 15-second scene when they take their shirt off. Yeah. And other female characters look at them like, oh, look at this. Oh, look at that. And all those are my favorite days. You know what I mean?

Because one of them will come by for water or something. I need some water. I go, uh-uh-uh-uh. You're not allowed water today. We got to dehydrate. You make those veins pop. So it's your favorite day just simply because you don't have to serve them the water?

I don't have to serve that pull, rub, motherfucker, a drip drop of water. Paul is a friend of the show. He's been on this program. He might be a friend of the show, but he's not a friend of Fabrice Fabrice. Motherfucker shoes. Elephant coming to his face.

That's why he looks so young. Is that his secret? That's how he looks so young. That question never came up on this show when he was on it. Next time you see. Next time you see. Should I just make some sort of like a maybe a sound effect? To like.

Okay, that's a horse. Yeah. No, but elephants like horses. So he'll get all this side. Yeah. No, it's true. People don't know that. Wow.

You don't know that. People don't know elephants like horses or that he injects elephant come into his face. Both, I think. But it was so on the days he, that's what I understand about those movies. And that's why I had to quit is I said, you know, they got to get all jacked up.

They don't drink water. So those things pop. I go, y'all got fucking everybody flying through the sky. This old. Just CGI it. CGI the body. CGI the body. I could be in these movies.

You could Scott. You know what I mean? Like straight up. Straight up. Oh, thank you. I mean, I was hoping you would notice. If you want, I'll put in a word. Could you with whom?

Kevin Feig. Really? You're going all the way to the top. I'm going to Kevin Feig. Okay, cool. I'll take that shot. For me? You know what I already spoke to him?

Let's cut to that take. Okay. We don't have a doubt that you already spoke to him because this is the first time we're talking about Marvel movies. I know. It's true though. You're an invertebrate liar.

What's that? You're a liar. I am a liar, liar. I worked on that movie too. Liar, liar. Wow. You had a really big streak with Jim Carrey. I had a run with Jim.

Yeah, when did the run end with Jim? After Eternal, after True Me Show. Oh, okay. I got on that movie. I go, this is depressing. This motherfucker kind of doesn't know where the sky is. It's a wall. Bummer.

I got to get out. You know what I mean? I said, I'm out. So you had not read the script previous to that? Oh, I never read a single script. I guess you don't have to when you're a craft service because your work doesn't change depending on… Oh, the snacks I provide depend on what's

happening on set that day. If you don't read the script, then how are you able to predict? I just vibe it out. You know what I mean? For example, Avengers Endgame, which we have all seen. Sure. You know, I saw it and I think if you haven't seen it yet, I don't think I'm spoiling anything.

Please don't spoil anything for Avengers Endgame. But the gang gets back together. Oh, okay, good. Yeah, the gang's back together. That's safe to say. I don't know if I'm spoiling anything. Look, it's right there on the poster. We got to get the gang back together

so that purple Josh Brolin don't fuck everything up. Right, yeah, with the ballsack on his chin. Yes, exactly. Yeah, D's nuts, right on his chin. Well, but that's exactly perfect, is that I will, when he's on set, I get balsamic vinegar for everything so that he can put his ballsack right in that bowl.

Oh, it's purple. It's got ballsack, you know, boy. It's got ballsack. It's all that and that's the kind of thing I'm always thinking about. Yeah, you're incredible at your work. Oh, gosh, Scott, you know what I want to say is that I think you're spectacular at what you do as well.

And what is it that you think I do? I think that you sit here. That's the main thing, because I sit here. You sit here and you talk to these people, these personalities. Wonderful personalities. You are the glue, Scott. Thank you so much.

You are the glue. You are the massacred horse. You are the- Of the podcast. You are without your horse corpse turning into glue. I'm like those horses that died on the TV show, Luck. Exactly. Which you worked on as well, I recall.

I worked on that show. Did you have anything to do with a horse's diet? I broke a couple of those horses ankles. How? Playing basketball with them. Oh, no. Cross them over. I cross over.

Cross them over. A horse fell down. It was on YouTube. It was on Instagram. Motherfucking horse looked like a motherfucking idiot. That reminds me of one of my favorite basketball movies of recent times. Uncle Drew?

Uncle Drew! Yeah, I worked on Uncle Drew. You worked on Uncle Drew. That's right. What's the cast like there? It was fun. Shaquille O'Neal. That dude's fun.

When he eats like a regular sandwich, it looks like a small sandwich. It's funny, isn't it? It's funny. You know, he should always eat some giant-sized things. When he's drinking on normal water, it looks like a tiny water. When he's drinking a tiny water. Oh my God, when he's drinking a tiny water- You can't even see it.

You're like, how's that guy eating a toenail? He looks like he's drinking a toenail. It's so small in his hand. Wow. What a fun set. It was such a fun time. What about our friend Nick Kroll? I've worked with Nick.

Nick is, you know, it's Nick's difficult with craft services now because he loves chocolate since we so much. Oh, yeah. But he doesn't want to eat it because he's on camera sometimes. He's in the prime of his career and it's very tough. But he can't stop eating that dark chocolate and peanut butter pretzels. He loves it. I don't think he should be giving away his secrets.

I mean, he probably wouldn't want anyone to know these kind of things. No, he might think it makes him more relatable that he can't stop eating his cool ranch territos. But he'll eat something. You know what he'll do? He'll say, I'm doing carousel hummus. I go, okay, Nick. Okay, Nick.

Remember, you want to be a star. You want to be a star. You've had this dream ever since you were young. Ever since you were a little boy, you wanted to be an actor. And to be on camera, you have to have one of those Avengers bodies. Somehow you can't get work. Because that's why you're on camera. Because you have a nice body.

No, motherfuckers. I wish that they would just shoot us from the top of the head to the chin. Because that's all anyone cares about. Nick will always request mid-forehead to just below the mouth. Don't want to see a hairline. Don't want to see a double chin. I'm not sure he would want that nose involved either. Like maybe he's just a black box in the center of the screen.

You notice when Nick is acting, he's got an index card in front of that nose. Eyes and lips. Eyes and lips. That's all he wants. The Knickroll story. Eyes and lips. Eyes and lips. That's all he wants.

And you know what? I mean, you know, it works. It works. It works for him. It works for him. Yep. I'll tell you what doesn't work for him. What's that?

All those candy bars. Yeah, this is too bad. He loves it. He loves those candy bars. I can relate. I can relate. Oh. But it's, you know, and I try to tell him, I said, Nick, it's okay.

You eat what you want. You feel good about yourself. He goes, but I'm so tired. Yeah. I eat this sugar. I got so tired. I want to get hypnotized. That's the thing that, you know, we starve ourselves to be on camera.

And then, you know, you expect people when they watch us, they should just think this person is starving. The entire, the entire movie. That's what they want. That's what they want to feel, that you have suffer for your art. And the truth is nobody cares. Nobody cares. No one cares.

It'll look, we're all going to look. You, you, you and I would talk about philosophy a lot. Tony backstage. We all going to burn up. Do you mean because of the environment? Or do you mean in hell? Oh, both. So wait, we burn up here and then we go to hell and burn again?

We get charred to a crisp. This is a double burn. That's a double burn. I hate it. At least let me freeze to death here so that my first few minutes in hell, I'm just thawing out. You fell out. No, that's worse.

Cause you know, when you've been out in the cold and then you come back in and you're, oh, I'm a warm up and then your toes hurt. Yeah. That's eternity. Right. I guess you're right. Yeah. I would prefer just to be charred to a crisp. Oh, to be charred to a crisp and then spread with a little balsamic glaze.

Eat that up. That's nice. That's a good food. It is a really good food. Yeah. Oh, well, Fabrice, I miss you. Oh, Scott, it's nice to be back in here. We should figure out whether you're allowed to come back or not.

What do we think? Everybody out there in the world. It's Fabrice, Fabrice, allowed to continue. Is it no longer an acceptable thing to do? Can Fabrice exist? Let us know. Or is it a different time? I don't know.

Honestly, I am good either way. Well, Fabrice, if this is the last time I see you, Scott, I want you to know what a goddamn pleasure has been to been on this podcast. The pleasure has been all mine. Ten years. Ten years. Wow. You're one of our oldest friends. I really appreciate you making the time back then and now and everything in between.

I know that if I ever call you, Fabrice, you're there, and I really appreciate that. In ten minutes, in a Toyota Salica. That's right. And I and Maya Lantra drive up right behind you. And here we find ourselves today and in the future when the earth has frozen over and then burnt to a crisp. And then I hope to hell, I hope that we get to do this podcast again in hell. I will see you in hell, buddy.

It's so great to see you here and I'll see you in hell. Great. Should we do before we go? Shall we do one? Should I do one improvise? I would love that. Shall we do one improvise spoken word poem? I would love that.

Do you need a subject matter? Sure. Okay. Okay. Let me think of a catchphrase or not a catchphrase. Whatever you want. Let me think of a suggestion for you. Okay.

Purell. Okay. Okay. Oh, purell. It is pure hell to think about a world without the comedy bang bang podcast. But that is our cast that didn't my mic just go off or did you hear that? No, I heard it all. I heard it all from beginning to end from big to small, from a one year podcast to a

ten year podcast to a a life cast of loss and love and learning and and casting out the iron chic from this world as he has died. But before he did, he tweeted at all of us. But it was not him instead his nephew who was his manager. And this might seem like a tangent to you. I was just getting information all about trivia. But to me, it is so much more purell. We're going to start it again from the top ready purell.

Oh, purell. It is pure hell to think about a world without the comedy bang bang podcast to wash my hands of the bacteria that is my mysterious of hiding behind the microphone for these many years. And in front of the camera for these many years, my ears have always been to the ground for the next great town hall of this show, which has given so many a voice in this crazy world that is not always noise but can be here always most importantly. In my heart that is my art that is this cast that is my blast that is the comedy blast bang blank blank blank blank blank blank blank blank blank blank blank blank blank blank blank blank

blank blank blank blank blank blank that isn't the end but just the beginning of a time when we could be together a decade long a foot long hot dog that when Shaq eats it looks like a regular dog but when I think about ten years of this art I think about my heart and I think about all the great comedy that has come from this and the big bang of the bang bang of Galecki of Sheldon of Orcerman of everybody coming together the two greatest things in comedy in the last decade coming between the big bang and comedy bang bang the two most important voices in comedy in the last decade comedy bang bang ten years in but not done but the big bang theory done like a motherfucker and I think we're all happier that we still got this show in our hearts and in our souls

and when I think about Purell I think about washing my hands not of these memories but of those nasty little bacteria that give you calls Purell wow amazing and you can edit that down to the best parts amazing uh uh Fabrice Fabrice that means so much to me the a lot of the sentiments contained within not everything of course because you did go off on a few tangents but uh that that means so much to me I really appreciate it we appreciate you thank you thank god you believe in god oh hell yeah then why are we all going to hell because Frankie Muney said we are Fabrice so great to see you thank you so much for dropping by see you Scott I'll see you soon I hope I hope well we'll let we'll let the listeners decide

you decide audience all right take care bye bye all right we need to go to a break well we still have plenty of shows still to go I think we're probably six hours deep at this particular point in time so we'll see you for another four hours but we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this hi everyone hey did you know I bet you didn't know this I'm not even gonna ask because I know you didn't know this okay see you later no I'll continue did you know that Rolling Stones magazine called Raised by TV one of the best new podcasts what see here's the problem all these articles they're all about the best new podcast what about a podcast that's been around for 10 years best podcast that's been around for 10 years

and is doing a record breaking 10 hour episode hey Rolling Stones Mick Jagger and the rest get show a little of this you know just because you talked about me eight years ago you keep bringing me up every year anyway congrats to them it is such a good show I've been on it and that is not to say that's why it's a good show but you know hey the facts don't lie facts don't care about your feelings there are new episodes of Raised by TV available right now on Stitcher Premium you know when John Gabriel's friend of this show and Lauren Lapkus also friend of this show were growing up they watched a lot of TV like a lot of TV series a serious amount of TV now they're adults they're all grown up they're grown ass adults with minds that have

just been hopelessly warped by television and they've come together they want to indulge there in their shared obsession of of television and share it with you because on Raised by TV John and Lauren revisit the best and a lot of the worst TV of the late 80s and early 90s everything from game shows to TGIF to Oprah serial commercials all the stuff you remember you can listen to Raised by TV plus ad-free new episodes of Comedy Bang Bang and our entire back catalog only on Stitcher Premium for free month of Stitcher Premium go to stitcherpremium.com and use the promo code CBB everyone I gotta talk I I am not being forced to except for by my own personality because I have to talk about a podcast that I want you all to

listen to and that podcast is called Yo is this racist wonderful show it's a comedic podcast hosted by Andrew T creator of the popular blog with the same name that is a web blog I believe and nowadays it's co-hosted by Tawny Newsom wonderful friend of Comedy Bang Bang you may remember her from bajillion dollar properties as well she was a cast member of that every single episode Andrew and Tawny offer their unique takes on the news of the week and then alongside a special guest they answer audience burning questions about whether or not something is indeed racist and spoiler alert a lot is these days uh Pascas include Nicole Byer, DeRay, McKesson, LeVar Burton, Kulapve Lysok, hey I like her, Kirby Howell Baptiste, oh I like her too and more

be sure to catch Yo is this racist every Wednesday on Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts comedy bang bang we are back very special 10th anniversary 10-hour podcast the world's longest podcast never thought that I would achieve something like this but uh I think the world's longest podcast is actually I'm more proud of that than the 10-year anniversary I think wow I really did something this is incredible and we're hearing from some of our favorite guests old and new uh so many great people have dropped by over over the show and we hope that trend continues because uh hello who's this my darling lovely oh my goodness is this Martin Sheffield Lickley Martin Sheffield Lickley the 1980s singer that's it Scott how are you

I'm doing wonderful happy anniversary thank you so much it means the world to me that you remembered I'm so happy to be here thank you for having me of course I mean it's my anniversary is it an anniversary of yours at all well you know every day seems to be some type of anniversary for and is an anniversary always happy I guess not that's why they say happy anniversary instead of just wishing you an anniversary a lot of my days are devastating anniversaries yes for those of you who don't know Martin Sheffield Lickley a lot of people in who are in your orbit have passed away yes yes my wife from emphysema no my son was from emphysema yes because he saw the uh little boy smoking ciggy's video on youtube and it inspired him it inspired him to smoke and he passed away

from emphysema my wife passed away my postman right passed away right from tragically mailing himself to the bottom of the ocean right so a lot of people have died on days of the year is today one of them yes it's a sad anniversary um I actually uh today was the day that my hairdresser passed away I wondered you have a bit of a bedhead kind of situation I do I do I mean I always do well I wouldn't say what I sleep in is called a bed oh wait where do you sleep I would say it's a old rug in the back of a UPS store head well that's not a good situation I'm currently in between places yes certainly so where were you coming from and where do you think you're going to well I was coming from an apartment and hopefully I'm going to another apartment but I do have I

why don't you call them flats why don't I I should but I'm trying to you know be more American oh certainly yes well I'm sorry to hear about your your hairdresser was a year ago or yes there was a year ago today yes um yeah how did your hairdresser die well he cut his own neck open oh no yes with his own tools yes oh dear mm-hmm yeah it was it was devastating yes you know a lot of my life is is like those movies you know where people like fly off of a roller coaster I don't know that I've seen that movie is that like the movie crash into a back of a truck it's tragedy it's like I don't think people define movies by one scene in them no remember they they fly off a roller coaster they chop the head off oh wait final destination destination oh yes okay it's stuff

like that but you know I mean if you've been following my career you know that I recently went uh oh you have not well you know it's I've talked to you I got off the gram oh you did yeah so people sometimes they have trouble keeping up with what I'm doing I just felt like I was always on my phone sure I wasn't following you in the first place so that has no effect well you know I if you haven't been following me if you have you know I recently set out on my own and I'm a solo artist yes you were a singer you trafficked in the genre new way new way yes new wave was my genre I was in a band called two plus two equals love ah yes and so I had some creative differences with my bandmates so I split with them um but I've been having a lot of recent success uh in my uh

solo songs of pain and hardship that guess what Hollywood came a knocking what yes came knocking to your ups store well I had a door at that time okay um but yes uh Hollywood came a knocking and now I am an in-demand film composer film composer my goodness yes I know I know what film well you know I've I've been working on a couple different films uh the first song uh that I'll be performing today you're performing a song oh yes I am why do you think I'm here I don't know to wish me a happy anniversary yes of course but I have to sing oh okay every time I love to hear you say thank you thank you uh you know every time I do go to someone else's event that is about them I make it about me of course um but yeah the first uh uh song I'm going to be performing uh today is an is from an

upcoming Martin Scorsese crime drama oh my goodness yes that's amazing to land a song in in something like that it's unbelievable I mean he is an awesome awesome director and there's a scene you don't have to tell me well I mean I've seen one of his movies I feel like you're always giving me uh um you're digging your heels in on whether you're like Martin or not okay well you know I was confused for a while I thought it was Martin Lawrence no no he's Scorsese good fellas no no no no okay um uh but yeah this is a scene when aged crime boss played by Robert De Niro of course um is beaten good casting I know he's really he's going back to the De Niro well um he's beaten to an inch of his life by his own meth addicted son and his son he's begging his son to stop he's begging his son to stop he's begging

it he's pleading he's crying and then imagine this song playing over the top of that scene hit it I fell in love with love I proposed to love and then love said yes oh I got married to love we got married on valentine's day the best man was a heart and the priest ascended candle and the venue was a best western in modesto a heart with legs was the father of the bride when the mama glass of champagne saw my wife she cried I had sex with love and love did not come I came real hot and I fell asleep love begged me to get her off I ignored loves pleas and I pretended to sleep because the female orgasm baffles me I ruined our wedding night it made my wife weep I have never made a woman come thank you oh thank you and a prepped ending that was a real quick

ending I guess it's just a hard cut to the next scene yeah I mean a lot of times when my when I say thank you my band falls off their instruments because it's so abrupt they fall off their instruments are they writing them some sort of contraption like a dick van dyke and married poppins type well you know occasionally they get carried away you know how people play the guitar with their teeth sure oh of course occasionally my basis will ride his bass around like a bro like a tricycle oh like a bro in quidditch yeah yeah okay um but yeah so that's that's gonna be over the crime drama over the pleading of robert deniro yeah well you know when I played that song for mr. coast say scorsese did you call him corset when you first met him well that was a problem

I was I I did when I did you think he was Dan Cortesi I think I did TV well I kept being like at one point I called him caduce oh no um but yeah when I played that song for mr. scorsese um he screamed something at me about being fired and then I never saw him again well I don't know that this song is gonna wind up in the movie I don't know Scott I mean I did approach him um when he was filming his new hollywood movie oh okay he has a hollywood movie yeah you know I don't coming out with uh de caprio and I I don't read the trades so I ankle the trades oh well anyway it's gonna be huge okay good um but yeah I I sort of was hovering around the set of that movie people asking me to leave hmm so you don't want burger king you brought burger king yeah to get onto the set to get

show up to a set without a gift I've never heard that tradition in hollywood oh yeah you never show up to a set without a gift okay um so you're working on another film yes yes I'm I'm actually working um uh on a new drama film a new a newer than this one newer than this one yeah this it's that one's in post oh this one is just the idea in free yeah okay it's just three yeah the glint in someone's eye yeah and this this film is sure to not be ignored this oscar season oh wow and it starts wait it hasn't even started filming and yet this oscar season it's gonna be eligible for awards but they're not gonna ignore it sure they're gonna be devastated because they're like oh we just missed this one okay um and it stars michael shannon as a doctor at an assisted suicide facility

and he falls in love with one of his patients played by amy adam's oh great casting wow the duo of the duo my song plays over from man of steel from man of steel general's odd and lowest lane themselves yeah they're back now they're back together everyone's wanted to see them they people were like those two take those two and make something and my song plays over the final scene of the movie where he must euthanize the love of his life i know and is she playing the love of his life or are they not together no she's playing the love of his life good yeah and to help her escape her pain of her terminal illness he's going to kill her so imagine having to take the life of the most special person as this song plays i've enlisted in the army of love my drill

sergeant was ellipse and my helmet was a hug our camouflage is a mixture of pink and red instead of rations we eat romantic bread we are invading a country that doesn't know what love is they've never known what love is no no we're going to spray their civilians with love bullets they're real bullets we marched on the battlefield in the shape of a heart but i tripped and shot our sergeant right in the face i got a dishonorable discharge from the army of love and now i also have love ptsd thank you thank wow that's playing over yes she's the she's slipping away slower slower yeah i i i can imagine how slow it gets sure until it's a continue yes thank you it's a long beep why is the the song not slow like the heart monitor it seems very upbeat well i was

like i saw the scene and i was like this is a little slow can we pick it up a little bit yeah and um yeah i mean i submitted that song to the director six months ago and i have not been paid or acknowledged since so you're acknowledged originally though i was acknowledged well i brought brought burger king i brought burger king to the editing bay why are they editing they haven't even started shooting they're getting it warmed up okay turning on turning everything on yeah okay when they get the footage it's got to happen fast yeah for the huskies sure of course um wow yeah any other films in the pipeline well yes i actually do i have a um uh the next song is from a prestigious hbo mini series from david simon who brought you the wire the wire of course yes

homicide yes and homicide um about the life of one of jesus's followers okay god he had 12 as far as i can think of along with mary magdalene yes mary magdalene this one's about mary magdalene yeah acres dozen oh really it's about mary magdalene herself well anyone can do one about the disciples sure peter john john judas judas yeah those are the top three three um i bet there was a silent cliff um but yeah this song plays over a scene where mary watches jesus who some was suspect was uh her lover sure brutally crucified on the cross she's watching him being brutally not not peacefully not easily gruesome but brutally crucified on this must be a powerful scene it's it's powerful it's it's devastating and then this song plays let me tell you about a

special place a place called love city love city is a town where everyone is in love instead of roads we drive on candy hearts instead of fire hydrants we have doves the dog catcher is a poem and the comptroller is lingerie the police chief is a back massage and the mayor is me i've been elected the mayor of love city everyone voted by wiping their hands on his and hers towels my first daughter as mayor is making everyone fall in love my second order as mayor is criminalizing the thank you oh god thank you that's a twist ending wow it's a metaphor but it's a metaphor but the criminalization yeah but it's a metaphor but aren't they a little yucky okay come on no i mean you're homeless i am not homeless person criminalize yourself i'm out looking for a job it's a

metaphor god it's a metaphor but yes thank you thank you um i i did not give you any sort of acknowledgement but but when the catholic church uh watched the miniseries uh they called for my execution oh no okay that's the first time they've done that for anybody yeah no i've heard of a no yeah they want me dead wow yeah i'm so sorry i know i cannot walk by a rector well gosh yeah incredible i know i know but this has been leading to a lot of a lot of new work yeah um do you have something else i have a final song from a new project um yes so many projects that you may not end up in the editing i've got so many projects from people that i knew for a minute and now they won't talk to me right um but this uh final project i've been asked to be uh the

composer and narrow rater wow yeah and it's a new documentary documentary series about how global warming is devastating our planet wow this is an important issue so it's couldn't be more important right now incredible i mean it's a new documentary wow i mean you've heard of planet earth you've heard of earth time on netflix what is the new i don't i guess i haven't heard of that one um but this one is called the big blue marble we call home is earth and wow look at its spin go round wow okay that's the title incredible title it's a good one uh so plays over the credits or no i'm the narrow rater you're the narrow rater yes so imagine this scene you're washing the ice caps melting at alarming rates an endangered species animals are clinging to their life

our planet is dying we mistreated it and now our entire species will die with it our pursuit of profit above all else has resulted in the decimation of our only home earth as soon as 2030 the planet will be hit by inconceivable food shortages mass coral reef destruction and rising sea levels will destroy entire cities like the one you currently live in all aboard the plane of love we're going full air ahead swoosh swoosh the overhead compartments are full of broken hearts and the pilot is a kiss plane of love full of tender hugs i must pilot it straight to the airport of love there are huts and nooses and sparrows there but i'm too heartbroken to buy snacks from them today it's the plane it's the plane the plane of

love i steer the wheel the plane's wheel the plane of love look out for birds they're shaped like on the plane of love i can't make women come thank you thank you bringing it all back to the original song oh my goodness martin i uh good luck with all of these endeavors thank you it's been such an honor performing here for you scott for your anniversary it's our honor to have you it's such a nice change because i usually perform to my own reflection outside of a ride aid in a puddle well you didn't bring burger king as far as i know but well i don't know did i no i didn't know okay well martin thank you so much for coming thank you for having me okay we'll see you next time goodbye oh wow martin sheffield lickley one of uh i tell you what a sensation

he's been and he he seems to write new songs every single time he comes in here incredible incredible i i am overwhelmed with emotion here uh this is uh what a showing from from some of our our favorite guests here and uh scott my heavens it's weird out yankovic how are you man i'm really really good it's so good to see you i was just strolling by and i felt like there was something happening here like an actual happening happening here your yankovic sense started tingling tingling what part of your body tingles when that's that sense goes off fish fish um it could not be a comedy bang bang anniversary without you here uh you're such an important part of the family you were on uh i believe a very early episode number six or number eight if i'm not here's the thing i

feel like you've always kept me in your heart so i feel like i was really there from the very first episode that is true now a lot of times i'll walk into the studio and you're just sitting there in the corner yeah uh unresponsive as well that doesn't really count though yeah but you've been here technically um and and not only were you on uh a very early episode in several episodes since but you were on the comedy bang bang television show as my co-host and band leader for a season was like kid cudi yeah you were the during the kid cudi oh yeah i remember that now you just headlined kochella as i believe oh was it fun it was super fun speak of kochella you should be on that at some point what am i thinking what are you doing why am i not headlining kochella it's so

crazy like let me manage your career it's about time i know we had to all fire our agents do i have to ask formally well we need a binding agreement here otherwise i'm afraid that you're gonna uh you know cut me out of those profits we need to do the spit handshake yeah that's what i mean by binding agreement so we need to spit on each other's faces and then shake hands yeah so here we go oh god that was kind of pointless i don't know oh that was the sound of our up and down shake a lot of wind moving there al what do you remember about the very first time you ever did the show as far as i am recalling i believe it was the first time we ever met was it in fact i do believe it was that was back when uh was joe escalante engineering back yes engineer joe

was it was back engineer joe yeah that was live on uh indy 103 103 yes indeed back in back in the days back in the day back they don't even have broadcasting back and we just had to talk really loudly right it seemed like that um yeah do uh i as i recall we did uh was it a one-on-one interview it might have been it could have been those were back in the days when we didn't realize what a podcast was we didn't even know at the time even though it was a podcast and uh uh i had several weird how questions at the ready things that i'd always wanted to ask you you're prepared which is something you never do now i know why bother at this point um and then just amazing how our friendship is blossomed and uh you and i have grown closer and closer and closer

then there was a little time where we were like uh too close back up back up back up and then we were that conjoined twins thing was not a terrible idea bad idea to do plastic surgery to actually attach us yes usually it's the other way yeah yeah i mean that was a tough three years but we we had a good two for one deal so we got the conjoining and the unconjoining so that's true we actually made money of the deal we that is the thing that they don't tell you about no is to actually walk out of plastic surgery you can really scam the plastic surgeon that way i'm 50 grand richer yeah this is crazy i'm going to vegas yeah and then we lost it all in vegas yeah and then we were like oh no it's always been on black always been on black yeah exactly

as wesley snipes once cautioned america um but and now we're the best of friends would you say that i would say that even though we are two separate entities now i i feel like in our hearts we are still conjoined i loved when we shared nutrients between that little wasn't that nice that that flesh sack that attached that was my favorite flesh sack oh yeah i mean look i'm a little partial to a flesh sack uh that i don't want to name oh yeah you know what i mean i have my fingers uh did you know that the skin is the largest organ on the body i thought the warlitzer was that's right of course al do you have uh what's going on with you i mean you know i know we're we're best friends but i feel like i haven't seen you uh since the last time you did the show

oh i don't want to once again plug my my big summer tour the strings attached okay that's great you don't want to do that all right so let's move on to uh other things uh look i have some ideas for your career do you you know as your perhaps manager perhaps well spit manager i think that first of all this touring stuff it's a it's a loser is it you got to stop this you know what i mean there's other ways to make money in the record industry it's a lost leader i tour just so i can do the podcast to make the big bucks exactly here's what i think you need to do you need to come out and you need to say like ha ha ha yeah yeah yeah you're all laughing ha ha ha enough this is the real weird al yankovic i'm not saying like change your name to regular al

yankovic or anything that's hackneyed okay i'm saying you're still weird al yankovic but what's weird about it is you're not doing the comedy anymore hmm that's the weirdest thing of all is you're like no i have some serious serious beautiful songs i could like sell condos i could like make a whole or like a pyramid thing yeah you could i could i could sell uh i could sell type of wear that would be amazing because there's no money in in representing they're already there it's sort of like you know captive audience what are they gonna leave exactly you know you gather everyone out on stage you bring the lights up and you're like i want to tell you about some of these products you want to keep your vegetables fresh for months at a time i hate it when vegetables

become unfresh i know i i basically live in my crisper just because i want to make sure tell me about it i live in my i live in my crisper oh the things they're so crisp crunch crunch crunch oh if i'm eating and i'm not saying crunch crunch i'm not saying i'm making the noise crunch good if i'm not saying crunch crunch crunch while i'm eating what are we even doing here because the crunchiness is supposed to emulate the crunching of bones which the lizard part of our brain gets satisfaction out of thinking we're actually you know eating somebody's face exactly oh my god have you ever like this is a hypothetical question here and i i you know i know that look you've done thousands if not millions of interviews over the years and you've

heard all the questions before right every question you ever find like a dead bird on the ground and you're like this looks too delicious i just i i gotta eat this thing well that was a hypothetical question let me give you a rhetorical answer okay uh yeah yeah sorry the the big the big conundrum for me is is whether to eat it there or take it home and like to show it to the family honey look what i found and then bite the head off the hunter and gatherer and you want to present it to your loved ones i want to hunt and gather look look what i hunted look what i gathered and you display it like i am the alpha male yes is it important to you to be an alpha male it is because i i've tried being a zeta yeah you went the total opposite way we're like every

single person in the world just walked right over i was the omega man for a while but there was nobody else in the world and that was so boring that was terrible yeah just a post apocalyptic wasteland it was weird yeah the zombies exactly tell me about the political al yankovic who have you voted for in every election since you've been 18 okay since i've been 18 oh gosh uh i think was 1980 would be the first one that would be pat paulson great and uh 84 you know uh what about the primaries my dear fellow you know pat wasn't running in the midterms or the primaries um you know i i kind of uh for pat you just go beyond the uh the midterms and go go right to the four year elections right so just pat paulson across the board the entire time um pretty much and uh

but after he passed away i felt like this is pointless why am i still doing this why am i voting he doesn't even have a chance now right so so you've just remained a non-voter since then well that's not really true but you know i i feel like voting for me is sort of a personal experience is just me and the four albenians in the voting booth with me which are basically my my voting sherpas right so you don't uh uh look i personally think voting is a waste of time and i've always said it and i've always uh anytime oh when do people vote november when is it when are people voting these whenever i don't know why i'm shaking my is this in stereo this would be so cool in stereo right now it'd be amazing when people are like i voted those i voted stickers it's like come

on guys you know you can just get those stickers and just wear them that's the thing that people don't tell you tell you that it's like if you were to go to your sticker guy you have a sticker guy right of course of course if you were to go to your sticker guy and go like hey make me a bunch of i voted stickers it's not like duplicating keys no no they'll do it for you that could be like a big item on my merch table this summer it's like you know you never have to vote again yeah i mean sure you gotta pay him a little extra you know i mean you gotta slip under the table and then it's like oh what that's not good enough for you okay here's a ten but once that ten is across that table baby you aren't good to go yeah yeah and it's sticky on the back so you can stick it to

anything pure stickers mm-hmm oh that's that's the thing on your merch table if you don't have i voted stickers on your merch table as well as saying what's up hotdog when the concert begins i am really going to be upset at you because as we know if people haven't heard every episode of the show al i had a catchphrase at the beginning of every single episode which was what's up hotdog very famous catchphrase at a certain point i don't know what happened i forget exactly i don't know whether i gave it up the legal rights were transferred to me no i would not steal anything legally the rights i'm offended sir well you're gonna have to sit there and stew in it because i'm not going to take back what i said because i don't remember now the legal rights were transferred

to you and you have taken my catchphrase and you presumably say this at every single show except once you're at because i feel like i get nervous when you're around well i would hate to be like suddenly everyone's looking at me like that's your catchphrase it's embarrassing when everybody turns around and looks right at you right so and you know the ones i'm at right so oh okay yeah so i've never heard you say it but uh you say you say it at every by the way if you let the rights lapse and don't say it at every show it becomes mine again so i just want to make sure i i think it'll be confusing for you to use it now because it's so associated with me oh i gotta ask you um because this is a this was a big news story a couple years back and i ran contra oh come on

scott that's such old news i'm thinking of a little more recently okay um and but you don't hear much about it anymore but um so here's here's the news story as i understand okay okay you have we're del yankovic here and you have dr. de meadow dr. de meadow is your your uh mentor someone say he gave you your big break in show business that's right and then me here or me in the corner that's me in the corner that's you in the corner now you have two people with uh two different careers and two different uh names two different surnames two different uh first names and suddenly you hear that weird al yankovic i don't know whether you strong armed the guy or you know i don't know what the process was but suddenly you you decided to be known as weirdo

al yankovic yes and you took the o from dr. de meadow and you i don't know whether you were saying like hey i'm forcing you to do this or whether it was some sort of tacit agreement or something and this is where i want to get all the details but you wanted him to be known as dr. de meadow yes i don't remember all the details but that that is in fact canon now uh he was officially on his on his driver's license and somehow on his birth certificate uh dr. de meadow all the way back changed it's retroactive yeah and what and what is the i mean i'm trying to imagine how you broach the subject with him because and was it always your goal to be weirdo al yankovic and he was standing in the way at the time i i know the powers you know differentials

between you know he was your employer and i i don't want to be crass but i i offered him a knuckle sandwich and uh yeah and and he's uh he's vegetarian and he doesn't like crunchy stuff so he just passed on that yeah he said no no thank you very much wow you truly are an alpha at this point oh so next time i come to see your show and and you know look i'm gonna let you plug it uh in los angeles the one that you might be at uh next time i see your show i'm gonna secret chopper you okay and i'm gonna come to one of these concerts i'm not gonna tell you i expect you to be on the bill as weirdo al yankovic i expect you to say what's up hot dog at the very beginning and i expect you to be selling these god damn i voted stickers with your face on him

and the american flag i'm saying you put the american flag on it maybe instead of the 50 stars it's your face i don't know look i'm just spitballing here i don't know the one the one the one thing i think you're getting wrong is you assume and this was never part of the deal that you assume that i start off the show by saying what's up hot dog why when do you say it it varies it's whenever the mood strikes so it could be like in the middle of a song it could be like when i'm backstage and like there's a film going on and i yell what's up hot dog but you can hear in the audience okay okay but i'm gonna secret chopper you and show up you know i don't know where you're playing you're doing major markets and i'll let you plug this in a second but i want it i want these three

things to be happening otherwise i'm gonna get litigious on you okay so so you want the i voted stickers you want the weirdo al yankovic on on the marquee on the marquee on the marquee and every bit of merch as well okay and including retroactively for if you sell your old records or whatever i need you to at least and i'm not saying oh ha ha ha yeah i bet that you want him to go back and get all those reprinted no i'm saying you take a sharpie and you put the oh yeah you know what i can do uh i'm not saying i will do this but what i can do is just leave a sharpie there at the merch table so everybody can customize their own o's on weirdo al you drive a hard bargain with you know okay i'll accept will that work you'll leave a sharpie there yep you will sell the i voted

stickers mm-hmm and you will say what's up hotdog during the show yeah now the i voted stickers may look like al tv stickers but if you rub them really really hard you can see you can kind of see where it says i voted okay i'll i'll accept that as well but the the what's up hotdog non negotiable absolutely absolutely all right very good go ahead and plug your dates well all the dates are at weird al.com which is where you can find everything good in this life and we we're okay what do you got there you got tour dates we have tour dates and what else you need that's it that's it you got weird al.com presumably you paid a lot of money for because i don't think that you were i think someone must have been squatting it was a bidding war it was a bidding war

for sure and all you put up there is tour dates and random information like what type of information like where to go to see you on tour this is still tour dates the same thing i would count that it's two different things i would think with weird al.com i mean this is a major internet destination you'd be putting like hey this is what i'm up to or pictures of yourself there's several things there's tour dates there's um where you can see man tour there's the kind of places that i play yeah there's the kind of places i play there's also the names of the cities where i'll be the summer and perform it specific dates of when you'll be playing there as well that's another thing yes that's a roll tour dates al well what about here's what you should do with your site

and i'm i'm just throwing out ideas as your spit manager yes yes make it a site where like you put up photos of yourself like you know like around the world and you like people can comment on them and you can like if anyone else that you know is in the photos you can like tag them and people can click on those tags and be taken to their own part of the site social media i mean yeah it sounds social and it's kind of media but you might have something there this is my thing like you're putting all this stuff out there on other sites put it all up on weird al.com let's monetize the whole thing you know what i mean like why are you even like like people are on this twitter thing these days by the way 10 years ago twitter was a new thing when i first started showing we would have to say

this twitter thing when we talked about you're like the first person on twitter i think i really i was the first yes i remember your first tweet you up that was you it was just merely just you and like no response no response and none because no one was on twitter but why are you putting things on twitter when it should just be on weird al.com this is i need those clicks baby you need the clicks you have ads on weird al.com and i don't mean ads of like the dates that you're gonna be performing no um let's see uh i have uh ad hoc arguments okay that counts that definitely counts yeah do you have pop-up ad hoc arguments no they just stay right right where they are oh okay great so go ahead and plug these dates you have a big tour coming up yes i have 67 days

i'm gonna name them all right now starting off on june 5th at the fabulous um uh ruth ruths bayard ginsburg no we're starting uh florida we wind up where the alley dates which you may or may not show up at florida america's droopy penis that's correct are you going up to main america's erect penis we're slowly getting less flaxet as the tour goes on and then eventually ending up in los angeles the butthole of the country is that the official name well no if you look at it if you look at it like it's a side like it's someone it's a silhouette of someone standing bending over florida's like with the penis like going down main is up here los angeles would be like right where the farts come out i never really thought of it that way

that's how you have to think and then canada is like you know like the arms and the head and all that kind of thing and then mexico is like the little legs and then what is guam guam we don't even know what it is it's like what you're standing on i guess the panama canal is the feet i see well it all makes sense now it does all right where are you playing you start off in florida you end up somewhere else we're all we're it's a it's a world tour we're playing the us and canada so it's i'm very excited about it amazing and the la and le adjustment dates are we're doing the greek theater on august 10th we're doing the pacific amphitheater in orch county somewhere around the same time where i've seen what a great time uh is seeing you at the pacific amphitheater

uh about 10 years ago is is when when al's brain came out i believe oh yes yes indeed i went down to see you there what a great time at the theater thank you for showing up sure um and uh how long does this go until uh until uh the end of summer wow so all summer all summer long amazing are you going to be hot oh i always am baby are you going to wear like a tank top during this summer tour should i i mean i also i do costume changes on this tour so i'll just change it to different tank tops you're gonna be doing the cost over because the last the last tour was like the the the vanity tour whereas just us out on stage playing with uh with no props or or costumes i think you you're going the wrong way you go the other way now you're naked now i'm now i'm naked

but it's with a full orchestra naked with an orchestra naked with an orchestra is that's a show al that i would see what well you're seeing this anyway oh that's why i am seeing your show you made the commitment well look al it means the world to me that you drop by it i mean honestly we couldn't do this without you we've been doing it for 10 years with you so uh why should it change for the 10th anniversary why should it indeed well i'll see it another 10 years then no you've been seeing me several times in these 10 oh so how does this work now so you're gonna have to see me several times in the next 10 years oh did you think that you were ending your commitment to the show with appearing on this show i i didn't know how i didn't know the legalities of it

no no no you're you're locked in at this point i'm free to live my own life no you have to live the comedy bang bang life oh lacey okay you're a friend of the show you're an important part of the show legally mandated friend of the show al do you have anything to say to me scott you're my best friend but things i don't know i mean i i mean that's very nice to hear but i mean i already know that and i'm like nice things about it's the 10-year anniversary oh yeah that um congratulations on uh 10 10 years of sobriety with with your what i don't think it's been 10 minutes of sobriety no i am currently fucked up but i need you for a little more feeling okay okay thank you thank you scott ockerman for your 10 years of comedy bang bang service

and i will make sure that you get your 10-year comedy bang bang chip in the mail sometime soon i gotta say uh not believable i can i i i've i've seen your acting and i think you can do better okay scott i am so happy to be here at your 10-year anniversary show thank you for everything you've done for me you be the world to me i wish i am so happy for you very believable thank you thank you thank you so much that oh that that touched me good in the eardrums i think yeah yeah a little shrill yeah tonight it's myself now yeah yeah uh al thank you so much for being here well thank you for being here because otherwise i would have been

showing up and you wouldn't have been here when i've been like you told me to be here five o'clock and i don't know what the deal is that's a good point yeah you should really be thinking me more than i'm thinking you thank you scott thanks al oh see you later buddy we'll see uh al yankovic wow i tell you it was such a thrill when he agreed to do the show for the first time i'm not going to say this in front of him but now that he's gone uh i remember i i got his email through a mutual friend and um wrote to him to ask if he would would be interviewed on this new comedy program i was doing and he replied within uh i think within 12 or 11 seconds he's that thirsty for attention and uh i'm so glad he is and and so good to see him and uh wow we are doing it

so many guests over this 10 hour episode and uh oh someone else coming in and uh uh two two door slams who's this uh it's paul rust i came in one foot closed the door then brought in the second foot and closed the door again does your first foot hurt oh my goodness out it really hurts hi paul our good friend paul rust from netflix's love oh it's good to be here scott thanks for having me from show times black monday one episode yes so good to see you oh it's good to see you too you've been on the show i mean i think triple digits now right i don't know what that means i think i'm up in the i've been here 126 times i guess i mean in years how many years you've been doing it all 10 or uh did you come in somewhere in the first year as a second year

scott i was there in the case crw k re y you were there at indy one no indy 1031 you were there okay the first year great so you've been here the entire 10 years episode three maybe with some a couple of the sclars my goodness oh my gosh it's so good to see you again we're like uh we just we've transported to different places but the the friendship has always stayed the same exactly the same it is never a waiver it's never gotten better i expected it to sort of progress and uh enrich our lives in different ways and instead just flatline and we're still talking about um uh how we're gonna vote for obama yeah of course we have a grod past 2009 paul it's so good to see you thank you you've been on the show so many times uh in various uh guises as actor as musician uh

with your band don't stop or we'll die uh mathematician mathematician of course i came in remember that one yeah we had a lot of numbers that we needed crunched and you were there for us they're all over the floor and i had to gather them up and crunch them together you just crunch them together it was it was a big disaster i don't know somewhere around episode uh 206 or something but a fan favorite episode oh people love it i walked down the street and they always come up to me and go mathy mathy my catchphrase of course they do yes um which they used to do to walter math out as well so you're a great company yeah um but uh i will say that uh a lot of times when you're on the show you don't come in in the best of mood so it's great to see you in uh happy

mood today yeah although i gotta say when i came in here and i crunched that door on my foot it did start it did darken me yeah a little bit into um uh the the the country of the united states of terra i peeved oh no so you you started to get a little irritated a little irked yeah i was gonna say i was just in the united states of peeved but then i decided to add terra in there yeah it was a great addition but yes oh no i'm now yeah i feel my blood boiling well i find myself getting angrier more i rape we don't like that cheese please don't get cheesed i i know what happens when you do you mean i uh have a request about a certain uh piece of time and how i want it to begin that's what usually happens that i'm not asking for that to happen now start to

i just want to take this moment to thank bill more who's given me permission to do this from the very beginning i love you billy thank you for letting me use this music and what is this that you're doing for those of you who have never heard you before it's called no no no and these are things that bother you they bother me so much and then i say no no no you know what i say i say i say what i'm essentially saying is these are some new rules yes but my specific way of saying the rules are no no right we got all these things that's how it differentiates itself that is one of the new rules is you need to change it to no no yes that was the first one yeah the first rule of new no no's is change it from new rules and never talk about it yeah the the second rule is change it

from new rules to new no no so talk about it yeah don't talk about it yeah all right so you have some new no no's here some 10th anniversary new no no yes the stuff that bothers us and i have rules about how to change it and they are specifically for 10 years scott all of them each one you'll find out is about that okay let's hear them this is new no no you ever notice scott how people always refer to 10 years as a decade i have noticed that that is another way to phrase it this decade with 10 years long all that decade with 10 years long uh why is it they never refer to 11 years as a decade why did they ever refer to a decade as 12 years or even three years oh i know why hypocrisy

from now on a decade is any span of time new no no a decade is oh any year you love you suddenly remembered the format right at the end there you say new no no and then i appreciate that no no no i'm remembering the format now no no no i need a band aid for my boo boo you ever hear people say that you go into a pharmacy you got eight eight or nine people walking around screaming how tall are these people are they about three apples high i need that band aid for my boo boo um how about i give you a band aid for your poo poo no no no instead of blood i'm concerned about your shit all right yeah new no no you ever get on the phone line with people and it's like uh if you

would like to join our club please press one if you would like to change of address please press two these are the choices always anytime you call uh you're calling them yeah all right very confused at the premise but continue well when they're listing these off to me please press one please press two i want to say uh if you are slowly losing your goddamn mind please press nine new no no i make the numbers now i'm the captain now tom hanks mm-hmm did you see that movie no new no no i've never seen captain rillips that's how dumb i am is you think philips is willis yeah oh i think the theme song ended so we gotta restart the clock yeah these get better the more they go new no no

b o you ever hear uh people say oh this room smells like b o b o body odor that's what i heard they said it stands for body odor i think it should stand for only one thing one of the kings of alt comedy bob odin kirk yeah i love mr show no no no mr show show bobo b o bobo kirk okay two more two more it's not a two more new no no you ever go online you get a pop-up ad oh all that this seems me now you're talking my language i'm trying to read some text and instead i gotta look at a a pop-up ad for a new pill new no no if i get a pop-up ad then i'm going to call your parents and tell them i got it no no no pop down pop down pop down yeah steam uh you know you just seem sad is everything okay i'm just sad because it's

wrapping up and i know all your viewers are sad this is wrapping up this is the last one yeah i wish you hadn't said two more because now everyone knows this is the last one and we're set their clock i say start the clock but i'm also set their internal body rhythms of like how many new no no's am i going to listen to how long do i have for my refractory period to build up again to this final new no no well here it is your final new no no of 10 years and i was right they've all been about they have your anniversary and this is your best one of all the 10 years oh yes i always end with the best one new no no you ever go uh you ever been watching a tv and a commercial comes on have you have you very similar to your

pop-up ads but okay yeah i have seen commercials but the thing is about a pop-up ad that pops up you can just knock it down it's done in a commercial you can fast forward it you gotta sit there for one commercial for what two three four five minutes one commercial during the super bowl maybe hey new no no i want a dial that's underneath my tongue that i can twist it and fast forward through the commercial new no no my great tongue speeds time that was the best one thank you stop the clock thanks bill yet mar new no no's paul rust amazing thank you so much for those thank you for having me and thank you for letting me walk through the door twice it's my pleasure it's great to see you i mean it's a relief to know that the door won't ever open again wait a minute

the door just i was talking and i was saying that someone just yeah that's embarrassing for you who's this this must be another one of our old favorite guests here does a duck clack huh i sort of remember someone saying that once it's me urney bread urney one of the most beloved guests in the 10 years of this show i kind of remember you came on once and acted like everyone knew you and yeah in late 2017 and yet we didn't and it turned out you were just a guy who hangs out at the pond across the street where they're la pond where there are ducks which led you to your catchphrase does a duck clack and does it we never found out yes it does he does okay and i didn't know either i i understand you were just asking the questions that's why i

started going to the pond every day right and when did you get your answer oh uh day two day two okay they were shot very silent they had laryngitis day one yeah yeah yeah well it was winter late 2017 yeah urney so good to see you we're doing kind of a special show we're yeah yeah well and i'm obviously an obvious choice for it yeah this is paul rust oh yeah big fan oh yeah i uh i'm a big fan of the urney bread character as well well i'm a human man yeah with genitals and blood and piss and shit yeah i mean i did do with my character major thackery oh we did enjoy that that's who i actually know you as is a yeah yeah what was major thackery's backstory well i i basically said my name in a british accent that i was shouted down that sounds like the show yeah is bread your

christian given name mm-hmm yeah so it's just a coincidence that the ducks love probably little chunks of your last name that's true it's the b the r v not those ads yeah we don't want to talk about those get me riled up about those ads both in pop-up and commercial form but uh i thought maybe i should let you know some some more solemn news oh everything okay urney i don't i don't know what your baseline is so i'm not sure what would be more solid well it's been obviously a great run sure of one episode this is gonna be my final appearance no urney bread we're supposed to do this in unison we remember how we rehearsed it right right right oh no urney breads not returning anymore this is terrible news thank you yeah it's been uh 10 wonderful years but i think it's kind

of time to move on and do some new stuff so even though you first appeared in 2017 you were a part of the show over these last 10 years oh i always considered myself sort of uh uh yeah a beloved part of the show yeah yeah i can see that uh one appearance uh in a great appearance yeah but even i would see the building from across the street and i was just you across the street every single day at that pond well yeah i know the ducks to starve that's true all right uh urney babe what can we do to like get you to change your mind oh no don't go don't go urney people love you no no i i understand they love me but it's it's it's been a good run and i think it's time for me to move on time for you to recede from the spotlight yeah you know it's like when you're reading a book you might

love a chapter of it but you don't keep rereading that chapter you move on to the next chapter yeah that's right so what is the next chapter i mean i can't even imagine uh let alone comedy bang bang without urney bread or urney bread without comedy bang i'm just gonna it just doesn't make any sense to me i know well i i've been thinking i'm gonna go to the pond every day and feed the ducks you've been doing that yeah but it's been punctuated by visits here and i'm not gonna do that anymore you're not gonna sell out anymore i just i'm more of a listener than uh how do you ever listened to the show oh yeah you have okay that's good yeah okay good i think i can't remember if we talked about that i think i i think i've committed to saying i have because i yes okay great

well i i'm gonna miss you as a participant but maybe we could uh how can you just accept this i guess i'm in i'm not i i'm in the uh of dab this point you're still in the duh this is like loren saying goodbye hands goodbye so long friends oh he would never say that i said hands so i was wondering why he was chopping off his own hands that's like george lucas saying goodbye han goodbye fran solo he should have gotten married to fran solo yeah why didn't han solo very fran solo um well look i i just have to accept it i you know the winds of change are upon us and and that's what the show is all about you know i mean people come in they they do a lot of episodes the first year or so then they get work and they get too busy and they all leave yeah and then i have to

beg them to return then we could play a little montage of some of the highlights of my visits from over the years okay if you want the microphone to short out for my tears i do want that so yeah let's let's play this montage okay let's go hello it's me major thackery that's the end does it duck quack oh okay there's a little more no no that was me say yes yes it is the it's the transition can we later add that part to the to the actual montage yeah would that be okay i mean you'll have to talk to the editors but yeah okay i don't know if i want to talk to the editors paul yeah i those nerds uh the last uh don't even get me started on harvey scissor hands of course the most famous we're supposed to do this together of course the most famous editor of

them all and the thing people most hate him for yeah the most notorious thing about harvey why it's seen is how he'll come into the edit room and change your vision he's canceled you have to admit that oh yeah good yeah good good um well ernie we're gonna miss you but uh you know if you're ever across the street feeding those ducks your namesake um you know and you just get a wild hair up your butt and you want to come by uh we're not gonna hold you to this you know well i paul might very nice of you to say i appreciate it but uh yeah i don't think i well but uh yeah thanks so much and i don't believe it i don't believe he must be you're gonna go home you're gonna change your mind well also paul kind of sound like something this isn't how you end a bit

and just go oh yeah that's it and then back slowly out of the room he's got something up his sleeve no i swear i don't i'm look i'm opening the door to leave no and just he's got he's gonna punctuate this i know comedy structure he's got a big finish i know i just just please come to my funeral because i'm gonna kill myself he's gone i mean i guess that's um oh my gosh i should we run after him or and stop him hey i'm back i'm back oh oh ernie's back hey man i i i misled you there at the end i um wasn't able to get a time slot at the funeral home so there will not be a funeral but you're still good oh my god he's leaving again hey bye they have time slots i guess you have to work for them you can plan them ad reserve them in advance i don't know i think ernie is the victim

of a cruel hoax uh i ask me i hope we're not the i mean i hope we are the victims of hoaxes i hope he doesn't actually do it yeah oh yes i hope we're the victims of this cruel yeah exactly i should we run after him though because i feel like that's excuse me oh who's this it's his voice is gruff it's a gruff is an old man were you friends with my son ernie could it could it be mr buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh we were supposed to do that okay sorry could it be could it be is it mr buh buh buh buh buh buh bonus it's just for the fans god it's just for the fan service mr buh buh buh buh buh bread that's right it's me mr bread you're an old man i can tell by your voice my son just killed himself oh you know oh no mr bread we're so sorry mr yes he just

walked out to your lobby and swallowed a cyanide capsule oh of his owner i know we kept those in a jar but i thought it was locked up it was one that had been passed down from the time of christ christ our name is christ it is true if you check the bible he had a cyanide capsule in his teeth that he was just gonna bite down on it so the cross if he ever felt like he was too much to handle he's like i am out of here dennis miller style well i'm sorry mr bread this is terrible news did you have the cyanide capsule and you passed it down to him yes i have too much to live for what you don't have a son anymore do you have your own lake your own ducks i don't need a lake or what are these ducks okay so you all right mr bread

i didn't know i know you're grieving oh boy but he seems stupid mr bread yes is there a mrs bread all right all right pa i know i wanted to ask you too but his son just passed away there is a mrs bread yes and not a day goes by that she doesn't have a big old smile on her face well i treat her like a queen did she listen to this today i mean your son just passed away so i don't know whether she'll have that smile but a frown is just an upside down smile i've always said it oh yes and sometimes when we're 69 it's hard to tell okay mr bread not that kind of show oh mr bread how can we help you we didn't know your son all that well he told me you were his best friends oh that is incorrect he said that i mean before he took his

cyanide suppository he told me i knew it was a pill but oh for him to do that damage on that sweet little ass you noticed it too as he was walking away he left several times and i was so happy he came back in and left keep coming back it out but to know that that cyanide capsule fizzed up that ass yes well imagine having to wipe it like i did she was a baby oh oh when you're oh you didn't just wipe it right no but i never got over that i always hated him you hated yourself the ass thing yeah well we didn't like him all that much either so yeah for him to say that we're his best friends actually probably even more of that makes me like and less knowing that he said that yeah which is not the intended effect well mr bread i like you though you're pretty cool you're old

but you're pretty cool yeah you came in with uh wearing that um on that surfboard you yeah i get up by surf every morning i don't see any of these ducks ducks yes exactly but do you say goodbye to your wife you treat her like a queen on your way out oh yes i kiss every inch of her body and every head out to the beach wow you know the skin is the world's largest organ or the bodies i believe it well you're you're kissing every inch of it every day so you must know it yes yes are y'all talking about me wait a minute it's me mama bread mama bread my luscious wife mama bread this is paul rust uh hello and uh i'm scott augerman and it's great i'm enchanted to meet you mama brown all right keep it in your vans paul i heard

that she is she is beautiful and it has a lot of skin the world's largest organ i got the most skin of anyone yeah i uh you have a lot of skin it's all loose it's all hanging off of your it's gray yeah i hadn't gotten to the color yet i love that color did and you can come home keep kissing my skin of course my angel i got a rolling pin and it's getting bigger i don't know what she's talking about i'm gonna beat you in my ever-growing rolling pin is it getting larger or are you just walking closer to it i'm walking closer to an optical illusion that's an illusion dear oops well you do treat her like a queen i have to say she's my angel well look we don't have time for you to make out

i miss my son i thought we would get to this i'm gonna hear about this one you didn't like it do you yeah you had to change him you never changed your son the whole butt thing no that was daddy's work well look guys we don't have time to talk to you anymore i ate the diapers i'm gross mama bread look i just want to say that mr bread and mama bread are looking forward to many more visits over the next 10 years i don't know he retired but it makes it new that i'm here with him i don't know if the second decade of this show is going to be the bread family decade there's lots of them scott will you promise that you'll bring mama bread uh mr bread and me

together as three of you all right we'll do one episode with the three of you if that's okay we've been working on uh uh sort of a trio uh uh good night sweetheart well i mean there's three of you so i'd love to hear you sing it together sure we're gonna do three part harmony track it later yes we'll use digital tracking so yeah digital tracking all right you guys are fans of digital track yeah we love digital tracking all right all right gosh never heard two guests more into digital tracking go ahead and sing good night sweetheart well it's time to go oh and that's it oh does a duck quack quack quack oh boy oh boy oh boy there's a duck all the ducks

have gathered up my son's body like the penguins at the end of batman returns oh my goodness all right guys well it's really great it's really great to me i mean thank you so much for dropping by mr bread mama bread and paul of course we'll be back soon i don't know about that we'll see you we'll be back at the end of the show oh i don't think so all right thank you so much for coming guys thank you ed scott truly thank you for these ten years of laughs and mirth and giggles you brought joy and entertainment to people across the globe oh and now i'm bringing you a kiss oh no mr bread you're not part of this oh i thought i was an important part of the first ten years like whatever no just not the kissing part of it all right guys thank you thank you okay

oh so great to see those two i mean great to see paul definitely i don't know what to think about ernie bread uh but guys we need to take a break we're at that point where we need to go to another break uh when we return we have so much more show still still so much more show can you believe it we will be right back with more comedy bang bang after this hi everyone i want to tell you about a different podcast and that is a podcast by the name of drum roll please throwing shade throwing shade been such a great podcast for so long uh if you were at the p-cast last this last december uh you saw them do their i'm just gonna say fang uh and brian do a big uh choreograph dance that was a lot of fun um throwing shade what it is is a comedic political podcast hosted by

erin gibson and brian safi erin and brian deliver fresh takes on all the shoes from pop culture to women's issues to lgbtq issues entertainment weekly who used to talk about my show again i don't know uh it's been very fallow for quite a few years since they've talked about this show but they recently called throwing shade and i quote the perfect combination of silly cynical intelligent and charming and quote and that is how you end a quote with a period join erin and brian every thursday as they dig into all the shoes that you may have missed or want to hear more about don't miss throwing shade every thursday on stitcher apple or wherever you get your podcasts comedy bang bang welcome back we are i believe uh three quarters of the way through our world's

longest podcast very special episode 10 hour episode for the 10 years of comedy bang bang and i i got to tell you it has been so pleasant seeing all of these wonderful faces both from the past and the present uh such such warm sentiments being expressed by them and uh you know i gotta tell you none of the uh uh you know not yet at least none of the real uh weirdos who have come by especially uh the ones who are uh sort of uh uh not my favorite people if i may be so bold so it's been great it's been a wonderful uh uh time here and hello oh no oh no no no no no no no this is not happening hello not today not today of all days hello no no no no it can't be hello no oh no oh my god uh forville how how are you i'm good good to see you very good how

how are you feeling right now are you not feeling on edge you're not feeling great it's just me little orbit little orphan for the lack of a better term you're not feeling postal at all i don't work for the postal so oh good i mean we are a stamps dot com office around here yeah correct yeah it's so easy to do it from home sure uh forville the little tiny orphan boy who has come by the studio several times that's me for a little orphan boy uh you are so cute every time i see you i forget uh how murderous you are because i know it's hard because it's i love to stay but i can't help it it's just inside but i'm really just happy to see you it's good to be back oh forville you're approximately knee high i'm three apples high three apples like a smoy

is that how high they are i think that i think canon smurfs are three apples high aw do you ever hope to be four apples someday oh someday someday but you've you've been a little orphan boy for so many years so many years we're celebrating the 10th anniversary of the show i don't know congratulations that's why i brought you this ham oh this is a hand gift this is not in the shape of a ham this is in the shape of uh it looks to be like an actor's penis it happens to be j davis's penis you brought me j davis's penis i brought you a scrap i bought you a little penis scrap well i don't think that i want to eat this congratulations on 10 years of speaking into a microphone can you believe it can you believe you did it when i remember the first

day i ever saw a microphone when i was a little boy little did i know i would speak into one for 10 years for 10 years sitting down probably done damage diesel probably yeah maybe i need a standing desk while i do this show i think it's time to start standing maybe a very desk 10 more years of standing talking and then what and then stabbing everybody around you okay i don't think that i'm taking all this stuff is becoming rich that's not i i worry that that you feel like that's a pathway to success for that's not what a grown adult would do a grown adult works hard every day and then hopefully uh has some sort of degree of success in their life and then dies happy that's a grown adult though i'm formal i'm a little orphan boy from the streets i know you know the hard way

i gotta take it when i can get it you know what when you say you learn the hard way and you learn from the streets what exactly do you mean you've never gone into what what happened out there on the streets i'm a little orphan boy and i've i've grown up i've had a hard time you killed your parents did you not killed so many scott and the pet of my parents i believe i've killed let's see let it me more weird al yake of a prince a lot i killed a lot of people yeah yeah and but not me thank god that man may have killed prince i can't i can't write up but don't say batman by the way i'm worried that he's gonna drop by oh the batman yeah i hope he doesn't come by i hope he doesn't come by because he's so scary but i mean in it wait a minute oh no do you hear that oh no

what a coincidence i don't think it's a coincidence i think he hears his name and he appears oh no the creature who stalks tonight the one who calls himself where is she where where is she why aren't you answering because my music too loud where is she yeah if you could turn your music down a little bit you're yes you where is she who are you talking about batman i'm the batman where is she i don't know who you're talking about but what about him where's he this is this is a murderous little orphan boy it's me little office for the boy batman thank god you've come in time i'm here to stop nancy hodell from the recoact i believe

batman yes and me have you been looking for a a suspect in any uh stabbing murders lately there's been some crime happening lately some small crime small when you say small crime do you mean knee high knee high crime happening in the streets what what's been going on batman what's been happening thank you for asking you're welcome i need some water but yeah go ahead drink some water batman i a lot of yeah it doesn't get uh portrayed in the movies all that much but you're constantly drinking water because of your gravelly voice that's correct whoa thank you for stopping your music by the way cut out quick so speaking of cut out quick what sort of uh knee high crime has been happening we've we've had some knee high crime a lot of cats and dogs being stabbed oh no

cats and dogs correct um small or people small or people yes why the long pause as i speak speaking of cats touche i don't think it's a touche when you haven't offered anything to touche touche but uh so little little tiny cats and dogs oh i cats and dogs i pray Danny DeVito was stabbed Danny DeVito the penguin himself the penguin himself oh no i pray that uh Andrew Lloyd Webber he was on the show earlier uh he's been uh yeah he's been uh transformed into something uh about two feet high as well uh with with the technology from uh the cat's movie that they're doing with all the actors so so i hope he's safe out there me too but hashtag me too that's what that was about i think so four of all you haven't seen Andrew Lloyd Webber have you remember him uh

this is my only time without him i've never been on the show without him really you yeah i hope nothing happened oh no hope he wasn't stupid he stepped it all did that would be horrible Andrew Lloyd Webber friends i would be so angry what would you do would you use your vigilante justice to arrest four of all or something who me yes you i don't know what do you do all day batman why why no it's who me i said hi i was going to say the word hi instead you said hi okay it came out as why to be rich so i put why you're rich rich i'm rich your your secret identity is rich uh yeah rich who no no no not like my name like i'm rich oh meaning you're seeing oh i'm not Richard Batman so you meaning you wish i was that's a dope name in your secret identity you're very wealthy i'm

um maybe let's just say i'm wealthy wherever wherever i'm at i'm good money wise okay yeah you're very well i mean there's only two or three people in the city then you could be there's probably there's a tim cook maybe i don't live in the okay no i'm not tim you're not tim cook i swear to god i swear to god okay what about uh uh who's the amazon guy uh jeff something jeff propst who is it propst the rich are you jeff propst who me yes are you mark brunette well in my my heart i am but we all are yeah of course are we getting that sweet roma downy jr run off roma downy wait roma downy jr what's her name roma roma

look batman we're getting wildly uptracking yes you do well why do you are you constantly wondering if i'm talking to you when i say batman do you have another name that you go by that's a possibility okay i'm gonna suss this out at some point surely you can be billionaire playboy bruce wane he's uh a layabout and uh constantly drunk that's not very nice that's he's a pretty good guy he's a good guy where you run into come into contact with him bruce fucking wane i mean he's dope i know that you have like the best guy he's so cool he's nice what's cool about him i know he's got so much stuff oh he's got so much stuff he's got a giant penny i think he's i already got the best china's in this in gothams city is that why he's a billionaire

because he has giant pennies yeah probably he's all his money's huge oh i think he's great i don't know i don't know about it you couldn't possibly be him though because he's so just uh irresponsible and he's not that he's really he's hardworking he's not irresponsible he's busy he's busy he inherited everything from his parents well actually but he also worked hard and then he watched them die in front of him well sure that was it i mean so did forville though and forville but that yeah but that was fun i mean you're i enjoyed it well not enjoyed it i didn't like to see i know i was the cause but i don't want to be this way speaking of the cause i'm kind of like a little batman did you arrest the cause i i thought yeah it was my first oh no i'm not talking to you for

a while oh no but i did you arrested Bill Cosby yeah i'm a little crime fighter sometimes really that's amazing that's very good if you take for the help you know i'm thinking about uh in the recent movies batman you you yes you you didn't have a partner and here's you know a little orphan ward you didn't have a ward shirt a ward here's a little orphan boy whose parents are have left him too soon admittedly from his own hand that's correct but um you know forville i could see you in a little diamond mask oh and a ball gag never mind not that what would you say a little diamond mask and and uh a yellow cape little turned up boots with little little shoes yeah a little almost wings and uh and jaunty are on your chest you got a cool hair cut the flips in the wind

yeah that would be cool maybe you guys could fight crime together would you let me do that batman i would like nothing more we are now the dynamic tool forville why don't batman why does he get top billy batman you have to stand up for yourself power bottom batman just like just like ebony's are screwed fuck yeah yeah correct notorious power bottom power bottom ebony's are screwed best friend batman amongst other things okay i didn't know two power bottoms good to have so much in common um but look it's a beautiful thing look i can't believe it i finally have a little chip job and maybe you know you could adopt him as your ward and then you can become my daddy i guess it's well i mean have a ward relationship

is not necessarily father son is not necessarily father son it's more of a mentorship if you come with the people with advice what i don't know the legality of just having a ward and he lives at your house and yeah i don't it's more like i feel like it's just like your cousin is staying with you for a long time on the food rules like don't touch him in any weird ways or don't keep out of the medicine cabinet keep out of the medicine cabinet you know what i'm saying sure well that'll be great i can't wait and i don't know where you live batman probably uh yeah some sort of a cavern or i mean no need to no need to give details no need to try and figure it out okay not on you know let's keep it a secret is what i'm trying to say on mike yeah yeah well that's this is great i mean

what a wonderful relationship and i feel like responsible that we put it together it's almost like a love connection here it's i'm like chuck woollery but without all the bad stuff exactly like chuck woollery and we'll be back in two and two wow congratulations guys thank you this is incredible what what crimes are you going to investigate first mostly crimes by penguins or rip well i think tonight we'll do since Danny DeVito was stabbed and now we know it's horrible that one's solved right okay and now that i've hired him i may have to arrest myself in some capacity yeah there's some sort of we'll get into that this is an alfred thing i feel like yeah alfred will know who's that wait who's alfred who be no night are you alfred really

is that your name alfred zip hello oh my god alfred it is clearly me alfred pennyworth alfred pennyworth the butler to bruce wane the billionaire playboy bruce wane oh my gosh playboy bruce wane you unzipped your batman costume and it's you wow so underneath does me the entire time so you are you siphoning off are you embezzling bruce wane's money or something to pay for this whole batman escapade zip hello you zipped back up the batman costume and now you're just batman okay so there's a lot so that one's gonna be hard to explain all right uh so what type of uh tonight what kind of murder or what or crime are you going to be investigating tonight i'll go to a top of a building and i'll perch on the corner of it and i will have my cape flap in the wind and i will stand

just nearby with my chest up and my little cape flapping in the breeze when you say just nearby do you mean at the top of the building at the bottom like just nearby like a block away or like you know somewhere cinematic that we can get in the shot or something if you guys are filming this i mean maybe if someone was would be cool it's 2019 could get a drone or something you know oh sure yes you know and then i'll stand nearby and i'll and i'll wait and then when something happens i'll swoop down and i'll stab that motherfucker in the face oh i don't think that that's how we do this yeah normally uh batman i mean i you don't use guns because of the gun that killed your parents yeah uh from what i've heard yeah what do you mean i just batman lore

i've heard something regarding that yes i like don't usually yeah right don't usually kill your parents but uh in this universe but uh uh uh uh stabbing i don't know if batman are you down with that i hate it you hate it i hate stabbing why because it's the worst it's just me it's just gruesome and terrible who likes stabbing yeah gutting people like a fish boy to do it yeah this i mean this four of all is essentially what would have happened to me if i turned bad maybe you can turn him around it's almost like i'm a little joker boy wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute we literally i'm gonna wait 60 seconds until i do anything next all right countdown starting now 60 59 58 57 batman your gravelly voice is elongating the seconds there

can we 59 oh awesome 60 wait you went back up to 60 59 oh no okay four three two two one what were we gonna do i don't know we were just gonna wait that's all and now we're gonna continue against now and little joker boy step step step step step oh oh it doesn't hurt me i'm wearing armor oh body armor kevlar vests i tried to get you because i'm a little joker boy yeah oh my god formal work his mouth is the corners are turning up into a grotesque smile hello oh my god are you the joker that's me i'm a little joker boy oh my his his skin is turning pale oh my goodness and his hair he fell off the table and there's a little tiny vat of chemicals oh no the tiniest bat

formal i feel like this is kind of a lateral move considering your entire past it's pretty much just me with makeup on yeah i know but this is uh i'm sorry i guess the partnership didn't work out that man that went that did not work out it went down i mean your ward tried to stab you within five minutes of of you agreeing to take him on who me yes you batman i did not go who you were talking to at that time richard batman hello i'm bat bathe was bathe bathe man right bathe richard man right well batman i'm sorry that didn't work out here uh it's okay but hopefully you can come back on the show and we'll eventually find turn to the night oh okay we're up along do you need any kind of exit music i noticed you brought out your iphone and you'll give me a

minute yeah sure no problem i am the creature are we gonna count down from 60 movies in the night 60 59 58 59 60 oh wow suddenly cut off and he's gone well formal aka the joker aka the little joker boy i'm so sorry congratulations thank you our quest to find your parents is it'll never work it'll never happen i think it's because of your personality it's true i've been myself i've been a little spider boy i've been a batman and now the joker i've been my own foe oh what a what a road we have traveled what a road over the past 10 years it's amazing well i i'm so glad that you came back here for the celebration i i as as frightened of you as i am

i i don't think it would have been a proper tenure celebration without you correct well thank you forville it's so great to see you i love you congratulations thank you so much but don't stab me on your way out no this is gonna be a nice one i know i'm between you and the door but uh i will come back to stab you again another day oh thank you so much but today you're free thank you for enjoy the ham it's really j david's it's i'm not putting that in my mouth put it in your goddamn mouth bye four of all hi oh wow that was a close one oh boy i am so glad i escaped with my life after that four of all one of the most dangerous dangerous guests we have ever had on this show don't let his is adorable voice fool you he is a monster uh but uh wow so uh that and that's what

happens here on comedy bang bang sometimes things get a little treacherous they get a little dangerous for both me and the guests but uh you know that when you've been doing a show for 10 years some people are going to try to murder you that just happens you know i would uh i i would imagine it happens more with some hosts i would think pierce morgan he gets people attempt to murder him every other day i would imagine with me you know it's maybe uh once every three months so those are good odds um but uh i tell you that oh my goodness who is who is saying as they approach oh so many ooze and so little time happy birthday scoff you this is this who i think it is and what let me let me tell you who i think it is i think it's eugenia wobbles

ding dong the witch is dead i i would love to see a game show where if you got an answer right they played a snippet of the wizard of os eugenia yeah uh it's so wonderful to see you from the great british baking show that's right yes i was on one season i did get kicked off fairly quickly but you know baking has remained a passion of mine thank you so much for letting us know that there was some confusion regarding that uh and you cleared it right up so i appreciate that me i clear things up if something's dirty i sweep it all under the rug now i that's not really a good cleaning technique brought you i brought you a birthday cake scoff you oh my goodness thank you so much i mean it's the birthday of the show but uh wait what it's not my birthday it's the show's

birthday the show is what am i doing making a cake what's the point that i bring a birthday cake well it's the show's birthday but we can eat it if you stupid eugenia stupid eugenia eugenia don't be so hard on yourself oh bad girl you bad you bad oh my god you're slapping yourself oh it surprised me i didn't realize i was gonna slap myself and then i did eugenia don't be so hard it's really my birthday the show's birthday what's the diff let's cut into this cake wait a minute are you only 10 years old i'm not a 10 year old boy oh that's what i thought the whole time you thought i was a 10 year old yes i thought this was your 10th birthday i made you a cake of peanuts and old milk duds and old yeah i found them i found them in my attic how new were the peanuts

brand new i got them at gelsen's market on my way here oh well thank you so much so new peanuts old milk duds and cake i presume no no no and a lot of a lot of glue and binding agents normally one uses frosting for that no i mean i'll pour you a pour you a pile of glue and i'll pour you a pile of frosting you can't tell the difference that is true i mean they look very very similar but i prefer a buttercream frosting of some sort on a cake normally uh but uh so you don't like this i haven't tried it yet but i'll definitely i will take a little as long as i there's can you cut me a piece that doesn't have too much glue in it no i just i mean i have to sort of spread all over that's the whole point i have to do a show if my mouth is glued together unfortunately this

super long podcast is not going to end well it's not going to glue your mouth together just make things a little you'll you'll be chewing on your words a little bit more i mean i think it could be good for you honestly all right well i'll have a i'll have a yeah take a slice here you go scotty couldn't be worse than a english muffin certainly eaten yeah take a bite go on take a bite eat the whole thing it and then and if it tastes like toilet drainer cleaning solution don't worry about that that's an aftertaste put some in there that's an aftertaste if it tastes a little bit like draino and uh clorox bleach alternatives all three of those this glue is making it very very hard to chew i know so it lasts longer doesn't it isn't that nice a little too long normally i want to

at least have swallowed one one bite but i happen to bring your print out of your life insurance policy you have one right i printed one out i googled scott ockman's life insurance policy not doing online i got to take stuff to you know no no yes this is ringing some bells from me because you haven't been on the show dang dong the witch is dead right so i got it right that you by the way it's very gluey oh yes super gluey so gluey you don't know what hit you the last time you were on the show yes i recall something about you uh your family was all natural causes they were all of as you put it fully grown which means yes they they were not growing any longer because they're dead that's right so that's a british phrase i

didn't come up with that that's a british so they're all fully grown in the ground and you were the beneficiary of some of their life insurance policies i guess so i guess i i guess i was and you were trying to get us to eat some of your things i'm just saying i want you don't like dessert i bring you a dessert and you don't like it i know you don't have to eat it i suppose if you don't want to i have to say if you're trying to poison me why not make it delicious why use the glue and the and the old milk duds seems like you could change your mo a little bit to actually you know trying to change my mo i hardly know her that's in the structure of a joke but it doesn't actually make sense when you think about it oh perhaps all right oh bad eugenia

naughty girl i'm a naughty naughty eugenia oh you were surprised by that one too i always forget that i slap myself eugenia yes i'm gonna spit out this cake no please swallow it please oh no guys hanging down because the glue it's attached to my bottom lip as bill gosby once said oh my gosh oh no oh don't won't promise me you'll eat some later please i know you have a show to do now but later when you're in bed and your pj's and i'm not i'm not gonna promise this because you're trying to poison me obviously and i haven't even like well you're not the beneficiary of my life insurance what i thought after we i thought after we had our last meeting you were you agreed to make me a benefit beneficiary you can't even pronounce it let alone be it i can too be fishy

look what eugenia what are you hard up for cash what's going on in your life yes what is happening eugenia i know you're fired from the show well i was fired from the show but i also invested in some energy drinks and i think it was actually a pyramid scheme oh no what was the name of the energy drink blast away blast away that has some serious connotations for your butthole i don't want if i'm drinking something i yeah i don't want to think of i sort of thought of it as my energy level will blast away like off into outer space no it's the other end oh my god yeah well no wonder people did well i invested all my money in that how much money did you invest 10 billion dollars how did you get 10 billion well my husband was a country doctor oh that's

right what was his deal he was a country doctor he did it all he did uh ears nose throat ears nose throat hats pants belly buttons wow everything eyeballs so you invested all of your money in this blast away energy drink and then i lost it also it was a pyramid scheme it was a pyramid scheme you know it it was all money to build a pyramid and i didn't i didn't realize that all this recent pyramid news oh my goodness where was this pyramid geese up they have too many there well exactly and then they they built a pyramid out of with the money i gave them and so they did build a pyramid they built the pyramid well the oven and they destroyed it why because there's too many there so what is the end game for them to get all of this money from investors what where does the

energy drink even come into it well so the whole idea was i i have an energy drink are you with me you came up with the idea for the energy drink well no no no i'm just telling you those the pictures i heard it i have an energy drink okay let's say let's just say are you with me i have an energy drink okay i have one energy drink okay i have to hire three friends to also have an energy drink and they hire three for each of them to have an energy drink this is where i'm getting confused where does how does one have an energy you guys well yeah we supply well they supply it you you get a certain i should say you get a sort of a sort of a flat of energy drinks right and you how you are british yes you get no i guess an apartment thank you for our american listeners

and you have to sell you have to then hire or recruit three thank you for dumbing you down hire or recruit or obtain three other people to also they and they also get a flat of energy drinks and they have to hire other people what do you do with your flat of energy drinks you can drink it or whatever this is the part of the plan that is now making sense to me everyone it just is supplied or given energy drinks and there's no plan of how to get rid of any of them oh thank you thank you for the layperson eugenia this is a bad business plan no wonder and now obviously i lost it all of your money is gone and they destroyed the pyramid yes and so now i have nowhere to be entombed when i am fully grown that was the so you knew it was

gonna be a pyramid you just wanted to be entombed once i found out it was gonna be a pyramid i was like get me entombed in there and i said it real sassy and i thought it'd be so charming i'm so sorry well you know when you're fully grown you know bob's your uncle yeah well yeah that's a british phrase yeah indeterminate meaning knackered uh maybe you want to be with your family wherever they reside not a fan take them i'll leave them yeah well you left them definitely and they left you ten billion dollars scott how are you celebrating your anniversary i have to know well i'm having this very large show where all of our old friends are dropping by oh not wild about it i don't know why do you even fucking ask hey hey i'm gobsmacked right now please don't smack yourself again um

look eugenia it's always great to see you i mean just how amazing it is to see our old friends dropping by even the ones who try to kill us i know isn't it fun can i just get a quick little john hancock that's an american scene for you just right how do you know who john hancock is this is very suspicious no i know john hancock is your eyes are darting back and forth right now eugenia just take the pen and sign it your pen and sign it you're an american guilty i knew it how did you know the minute you said john hancock oh shoot uh busted bob's your uncle oh sure oh dang it where are you actually from eugenia Cincinnati got tired of packing and unpacking yeah damn it you sniffed me out you didn't have ten billion dollars did you no what do you really do for a living

i make fart noises how do you make money from that from like apps or for movies i've done a lot of foley for movies people aren't farting enough in movies well exactly it was big in the 90s but and you think you you look back at movies and you're like i cannot think of a single time that i've heard a fart sound in a movie maybe in casa blanca when he's like play it again sam yeah but there's a lot of background fart noises that have to be as people are walking and crossing yeah because that's just natural that's like or like or like really good at it can i just say that's i love those give me a big long wet one it wasn't as wet as i hoped you got to warm up i know i put you on the spot i'm so sorry

okay now you're you're all warmed up no that was a fart that was a fart oh i misunderstood the basic person what is your actual name eugenia wobbles is it yeah no it's tandy farts tandy farts and that's how you got into this whole racket yeah i come from a long line of farts oh and is your family still alive and farting i guess yeah my dad runs a truck he runs a truck yeah right he just like turns turns it on turns the ignition he's a truck driver you want to say it i've been pretending to be british for so long i don't even know how to say it in america anymore well tandy why i really feel duped i mean you're one of our favorite guests ever on the show oh and here you come on and you've been lying to me for the approximately one episode that you

were on more than one no just one just one can i get your signature sure yeah here you go my john handcock i did it i got you oh what's me i got you now i am eugenia wobbles you are british i am 99 years old and i just happened to know a lot about us history oh that makes more sense because i went to hogwarts oh my gosh don't think about it too much all right don't use this signature too late i've already faxed it to mine uh barrister yes my solicitor my solicitor general okay i don't know what to think of you but uh eugenia or are tandy or i don't know i'm a shape shifter okay she just farted and turned into a snake all right well eugenia it's always i mean it's when i say always great to see you i mean the two

times i've seen you yes it's so nice to see you again thank you for dropping by and thank you so much for signing over your life you chose possibly i don't know that will come in handy for me someday okay all right i don't know what you said but all right congratulations on your birthday thank you and thank you for the cake i'm throwing this immediately into the trash okay all right eugenia we'll see you next time okay to lu pop pop pop pop wow what a wonderful catchphrase from eugenia on her way out the door gotta start saying pop pop more often that's uh uh i really like that addition to her canon oh boy uh so good to see you eugenia and um uh this is truly truly this has been a an emotional experience for me uh because uh all of these people that uh i i love and uh well

i guess i don't love all of them but uh i hope that some that i do love uh drop by eventually well no i love half i don't even know i don't want to get into odds but um bang bang it's yamma wait a minute who's this hey bang it's yamma hey buddy what up let's get to this guy hey hey buddy what do who is this Ben Schwartz and Horatio Sands my goodness wow the fearsome duo back together oh my gosh every uh every year you guys uh kick us off and do it do an episode together and here you are together every season needs a song every road has a song every road has a song and every song has a road oh no guys where were you uh what are you doing together do you hang out

together yeah we were just hanging out outside and we heard your voice you're hanging out outside come in come in oh we just did yeah here you are we're so glad you're here because we heard your voice for like i hope they're just not playing uh an old tape yeah from the studio we were worried that people were just listening to the oldies and then it turned out to be we went to three other rooms and it was just oldies oldies oldies it was just people sweating to the oldies yeah it was a lot it was a lot of Richard Simmons sweating to the oldies and your voice happened to be in the background i've always considered ben you to be uh the modern-day Richard Simmons yeah yeah yeah a lot of people say that i like to work it work it get it girl well he likes to

wear satin shorts that are very tiny but accentuate his good his goods down there yeah let's just call them what they are they're my goods yeah 100 a lot of people wear like short shorts that reveal the ass your ass is covered and the middle part is uncovered yeah yeah yeah so the outline of my ass is covered in silk and then the middle part of my ass are you talking about the middle the thong area is just total flesh yes so the my ass cheeks are covered but everything else is free and flowing yeah and that hole is just i mean just open for business huge it's ready to go but by the way i also wear long shirts so you would never know until i want to reveal that's right it's sort of a night shirt kind of situation night shirt do the sax solo from night court

here we go here coming down oh what Horatio how many sax solos do you know uh i know about about 400 do you want it to be a sex master yeah careless careless that's a famous one you know that one and you don't play this saxophone you just never never because i smoke and my lung capacity is very small and that's those are the only reasons i know all i also think i'm blowing i'm always thinking i'm blowing an old jasmine whenever i put a horn in my mouth but you're that you're actually

flating i can't not think about me like blowing satchmo whenever i do you think old jasmine have their their genitals are shaped like the instruments they play sure sure because of movies or whatever you know because of movie i understand that you know you grew up watching these black jasmine and you're wondering what's going on you're like i wonder if their dicks are like uh mouthpieces from like oh that's totally you that's totally you i've never seen oh that no no not movies it's totally you in your head i've never seen a horn and been like oh that's probably a jazz so when you saw like old like musicians and you're a kid growing up you never thought about it their pieces penises looked like uh the huge horns they're holding or just the mouth just the mouth

oh you mean the the what do they call the parts the wind the wood the wood it's not the reed the reed the reed well it is a reed actually but yeah but i'm thinking mostly kind of just like the the the mouthpiece itself i i don't speak i don't see how you could but i don't speaking of reed Horatio you're writing a book i heard i know and i'm going to read it what is your book uh it's it's it's the jazz age the oh wow and it's just what i it's all little uh scribbling drawings of what i think everyone's penis looked like in a jazz age so your book is about the exact thing you're talking about almost except it's this what i'm talking about now is purely a saxophone based conversation and this is with other words mostly the whole jazz age this is like every instrument

okay so you're whitening out the scope yeah all right yeah there's four there's a there's three pages just on the zither um which is uh which is like a fold of three out it's almost like a like a it's like a playboy centerfold it goes out three that's exciting yeah cool what are you are you writing a book too i'm writing a book also it's just called normal penises and it's just a picture of what normal penises are these drawings or are these just these are drawings but these are like very 3d you know those drawings of people that a lot of dots is it a is it a pop-up book it's a pop-up book did you take me out yet did you get me out of that book yet i might did i put you oh your dick is still in there no it's still in there why it's a huge spread it's gorgeous and

what it is is yeah i'm worried if i were to open it up the like a dick would come out in a pop-up book and poke me in the eye you're gonna make fun of me but this is the thing we say keep your mouth closed anytime you open up a page because then it essentially is like we don't want it to be but it could be yeah exactly just someone opens a book it's like oh yeah well i don't know but that's deep-throating there's only like seven pages i can say that baby food shoot out of the pages what's wrong with you what is wrong with you sorry you're talking about a penis no i'm not sir no i'm not and i put life to the genitals and make him you know we'll think about how hard it would be okay i'm going to the publisher hey man i really like what we got i love this part like is it anyway

for every page of this book we could throw some baby food in there like oh every time someone opens the page by the way baby food for for for nourishment or like to sell a gag that jizz is sitting on a shirt to sell a gag is it possible yes no it's not how would you reload it i mean it seems like the ratio just ruined my every book comes with the with a bottle of a pump so you have to do it yourself and you have to attach the pump through a little plastic rubber line no this sounds like a lot of work i don't like to do that much work when i'm reading i like to open a book i like the pop-up things to come out and then i like to be done with all your books like to open a book i like the pop-up book to come out i like to go wow look at that look

how big that pop-up is i like to have no food perishable items come out of the books and i like to put it down well guys thank you so much for coming on my tenth anniversary did you know it was my tenth anniversary no is it happy anniversary decade long happy anniversary ten years happy anniversary 360 times ten happy anniversary you left out a bunch of weeks it's got thank you so much for having us oh my gosh thank you so much for dropping by it means the world to me and we could stick around no um i'll see you at the first episode of next year all right thanks guys all right really fun to see you pump it out the jams oh and by the way long time listener long time listeners long time contributor never time listener 25 time

talker really excited for you to pump out the jams ratio do you have anything else you want to plug this is it we're not pluggy bag oh just the black just the black yeah do you want to by the way we've been having a lot of trouble with our plugs theme do you want us to give you a quick one yeah maybe we can switch now i mean we're halfway through the year maybe we can switch to something new give me give me something new all right and this is to open up the plug this is to close so it should have nothing to do with opening the plug back all right shall i start and you can read yeah okay so this is to close by the way close the bag i'm happy we can do this on the 10th anniversary here we go closing up the bag okay here we go don't let any airing close it up

your heart by you open up the bag open up the bag close your heart open up the bag close up your heart open up the bag close open the bag wow that was pretty good i mean it's pretty good it's definitely shorter i will give you that we're not done and the closing up it goes but then you open up your bag talking close it gotta open it you gotta you gotta open it gotta close it gotta open up the bag wow thank you so much guys i don't know that we'll be switching that maybe we'll alternate between them Horatio took off his earphones yeah he's he was so certain we were done we did a great job all right all right thank you so much guys for coming by so fun to be here always okay guys we'll see you later oh so good to see them i uh it's it's so wonderful

that those two guys appear together on the first episode of comedy bang bang every single calendar year first episode in january uh for the past four five six years i don't even know but um such good guys so so great to see them and uh you know we're getting uh really close to the uh hey hey who's uh who's approaching how's it going babe oh my goodness someone from the british aisles is here that's right i just wanted to say say say hello how's it going it's maul mccartney from britain wait maul mccartney maul mccartney we're having our favorite guests on the show frequent guests as i recall you were on one episode 227 uno episodeo bro low in our in the middle of our fourth year or fifth year somewhere in there yes somewhere in there

thank you i haven't seen you in so long maul mccartney from well it's been quite a long time baby yeah i've been um going to a lot of malls i've been catching i'm up on the show you've been listening to every single episode really good stuff yeah thank you so much always nice to meet a fan and i get the i unlock the secret ones and i what that's right yeah we put out secret ones just for our you know richest most exclusive gifts yeah baby yeah and the one you made just for me was so great i look we love you maul mccartney the one about british malls yes you know which the someone's taking my picture you can't see at home because it's radio hey there all right wow you are so photogenic maul mccartney thank you i was the cute one yeah band i was once in

you've had a lot of work done though if you don't mind me saying i have yeah yeah i wanted to look like an old lady i said i went to the plastic surgeon i said make me look like an older bird and he chopped it up took out the silicon gun and squirted it in put it in the caulking gun squirt squirt nub nub pinch pinch cut cut so so and i look like this at what point with plastic surgery will they get to the point where it's like wow you look just like you did when you were 30 because otherwise it just looks like oh wow you look like you're 80 with plastic surgery yeah well there's like two years there where your face is just big everyone's face is very big and then it settles down and you kind of get this like yeah it's like a uh it's it's it looks nothing like you

but looks weird and like yeah it's like a CGI version or something yeah well maul mccartney let's let's catch up as i recall the last time you were on you're of course you were in the Beatles yes Beatles and and but primarily you're interested in specific stores in malls or just malls in general oh malls in general i like a ross park mall in pittsburgh babe when i played ross park when i played pittsburgh i go to the ross park mall i love when i come out here babe i love the glendale gatheria oh it's a really cool mall i like to vibe in their zahra even though it's girls clothes like a girl you can bring pets into any store there uh you can bring pets into any store they can just take dumps right there in the middle of the store and people have to laugh

and go it's fine encourage them to yeah i can do whatever i want because i'm so famous i mean your pets can do that the pets can do that you are literally taking dumps i could i could do whatever i want including take a dump or kill someone because i am actually so famous that no one will bother me i've tried it and i've never killed someone babe you've never killed someone babe no i've never killed someone as a babe i've never killed a babe have you ever killed like a pig i try to date her i killed a pig you mean a cop or a pig uh a pig pig either i'll take either yeah no but i don't mind a little bakey bakey in the morning i like some scrummy muffies and i thought that you were a vegetarian or am i confusing you with palma cartney um i don't know

who that is babe um i uh no no because it seems to me like you're a cross between palma cartney and someone who likes malls and austin powers well i'm a meat vegan i'm a megan oh so it's a vegan i only eat vegan fake meat oh i see so no plant no yeah you can catch me a you know little pine um you know chopping up some faken or right i see fake chicken as long as it's vegan you know but i only eat fake me like i'm not you don't catch me in no kale got it got it even though it is vegan technically it's not megan plant yeah it's not megan i got it tell me about these malls like what do you like to do when you go to a mall oh i go to a nice mall i live in a mall you know my la in a mall my la residency is uh the americana i live in the americana mall at brand on brand

in glendale california is that the is that the mall that you were saying that you like going to or you like going to the i live there i like this so much that i didn't got a little because you said you like going to the glendale galleria which is across the street well that's just a hot skip and a jump isn't it sure yeah so why do you live in americana if you like going to the glendale galleria well i've got apartments at the americana don't they that's a good point and i love going there you know because it's like a difference a change of pace the air conditioning's on and air conditioning is on at the americana but you have to understand most of its outside so if you want to indoor shopping experience was a big part of malls a big part of why because i'm old babe i'm 73 you know

so here i think you're a little older than that if i have to guess it could be 83 you could be anything we have no idea we're having a little uh over uh you know i'm i'm going a little dementia you have a senior moment right now i might be having a senior moment yeah but look you were one of the Beatles obviously yeah and can you see like they said if you remember the 60s you weren't even born then can you sing us one of your famous songs i mean i know we have john lennon on the show sometimes do you know john oh johnny of course yeah a genius he's not too into malls may he rest in peace he's no he's back well maybe i shouldn't be telling you this yeah he's he came back to life is that real he doesn't want anyone to know this but he spent five years dead and then he was just

like i'm kind of sick of this so he came back to life but he doesn't like people to know it because he doesn't want yoko to ever find out well he's trying to avoid yoko well he borrowed her beret she might do a piece of performance art about yeah yeah he borrowed her beret and doesn't want to rebirth and forgiveness exactly anyway anyway sing us one of your hits john refuses to sing anytime he's on the show john oh john lennon the person we were just talking about yeah thought he was dead wasn't dead he's not dead but don't use that information to and give it to yoko no no no no i i am not yeah i am friends friendly with her i asked i asked her to break up the Beatles you did why would you do that i was like please break us up was it take the fall babe because i

wasn't one with all the problems you know like but i was like you know people want to you know people already kind of were like who the fuck are you was it mall related your reason to to break up because it seems to me like a lot of your motivation has to do with malls but we would be the one to remind you of this i don't know if you know anything about the Beatles in any way but we didn't tour a lot you know and stay stadium and then you were out yeah we were out so our my personal access to malls was extremely inhibited in the Beatles to the point of absurdity you know and when we when we went to visit maharishi you know in uh in in india you know i i spent i didn't even hang out you know i went to the mall harishi um the harishi mall the harishi mall over there

in india yeah this is harishi mall and um it was really great and they have a everything they have here which was very cool jeans west they have a jeans west american eagle love that stuff orange julius orange julius wetzels pretzels and an anise right around the corner depending on what how dense the garlic powdered salt that you want sprinkled all over it so you can get diarrhea um and then wash it down with a nice cinnabon and of course wash it down with a cinnabon wash it down with a cinnabon and then an orange julius for dessert it's all healthy orange julius seems like you would flip-flop those but you might as well call it fart juice baby hello baby sing us one of your famous beatle songs um when i gap to the bottom i gap to the top of the slide and i stop and i turn

and the gap i like i like men's and women's clothes with a thing in the middle yeah yeah that's one of them then beautiful maul mccartney with busting out one of his Beatles hits yeah that was a Beatles hit i got another one planned um you have another one planned well please like let's put that plan into action um hey julius you're really orange take a normal drink and make it sweeter the minute you mix that milk and the orange flavors together you have orange julie julie julie julie julie julie julie orange julius it's just what you thought it was wow maul mccartney no wonder you're one of our favorite guests absolutely you know um i want to maul your hand it's a bit violent you know yeah well that's m a u l yeah m a u l but it's m a l l

in the song because it's all maul stuff sure yeah but still you know when one hears it it's a very violent imagery yeah oh yeah absolutely yeah and then you got of course brook stone on the run brook stone on the run this is a fan mixed with a thermometer what the fuck is it it's brook stone not and brook stone is on the run babe because are they really i think they might be closing it down they're going chapter 11 really that might be chapter 11 yeah the flying a drone to deliver the message that ran out of battery most mall stores seem to be closing down like you go to more malls than i do but anytime i go to one probably it seems like there's maybe a lids kiosk and then you know just a whole bunch of you know closed for business signs oh yeah absolutely

sometimes you got a pacific coast uh sure you know uh nice little kiosk there and like the glendale gallery i don't know if you've been there lately but they've got a great um uh Scientology kiosk where they actually have no joke they have the uh the paddles there that you put your hands on to get the emeter really oh yeah oh my gosh oh yeah it's all right there so wow what about sunglasses hut sunglasses hut is definitely there you got lens crafters lens crafter yeah anything that covers your eyes it's there yeah you go to the mall i'll stock up and get like a fart machine from spences go into spences spences are still around i'm surprised hot topic you got spences there's like a game where you end up fucking your friends and that's the ideal outcome of the

game and i mean that's the ideal outcome out of anything honestly it's been the ideal outcome out of this show and no one has ever chosen to fuck me after it yeah yeah exactly i mean that could be for other reasons stinky smell uh hey emoji i'm hip i use emoji jokes and say lol whatever man maybe you should change your name to emoji mccartney oh yeah maybe you should change your name to rocky raccoon baby that's a classic mall mccartney slam yeah definitely um and of course you got um you never give me your what's a mall what's a what's a store you're the one who goes to malls what's a store in a mall you never give me your molly oh no that's problematic today because of the the molly uh ods it's problematic because it's terrible half the

people who die these days die from a molly od oh no never joke never a joker never a joker never a joker always a jack there's a little card joke that doesn't make any sense very little you have one more uh mall song that isn't uh just you know the worst oh well um uh you know uh c c c it's candy from the seas candy shop it's not the best candy but everyone seems to like this candy and it's not it's regional so that's not even candy regional i can't tell seas candy i think is is is regional it's not out there in pittsburgh you mentioned the pittsburgh mall that you really like no or uh toronto or no seas candies is is is nowhere baby oh one last question yeah do i make you horny yeah baby yeah all right maul you make maul mccartney horny

well hey man this has been real this has been great and it's been this is one of the best this has been great this has been fantastic i we couldn't have done the show without you maul yeah because i'm the guest right maul great to see you great to see you man take care uh baby another baby wow oh so great whoever could have predicted that maul mccartney would would return to the show let alone be on our 10th anniversary but that's what happens here on comedy bang bang some of the uh most interesting people drop by and uh scott who's this now it's me rudy rudimentary north rudimentary north one of our new favorites scott i am coming in as i'm piping hot you are as hot as can be my skin is steaming i am bubbling over here let me take off these jackets because i am piping hot

it is a relatively cold day today you have steam coming off i'll take these off it's important this will all make sense in a second but scott before we get started we got to get something out of the way right now previously on comedy bang bang i am a dirtbag i life swapped a guy took his job at postmates got fired for postmates to punch people in the throat i was walking down the street just the other day i was walking down the street just the other day scott i punched him and i absorbed his life force okay so currently i'm the owner of the california doughnuts you ever talked about you absorbing the life forces of these people because as far as i recall you were also a magical being that's not important scott i mean yes i'm

immortal oh wow you know what wait you know what i am doing a press conference next week i did make uh discovery in egypt i discovered an ancient tomb was there a date that you were begotten 1600 oh what it was 1600 but i can't get into that because it's hard the 17th century is around the turn of 17th century i have the same powers as the flash the every single power yep i could phase through stuff i would love to experience you want to talk to the speeds force yeah well let me get in there hold on oh my god that was amazing yeah that was that was like three years we were in there possums i got big notes and if you're gonna criticize anything you gotta criticize my owner of a donut shop god we had a lot of fun times in there that was

really fun i feel like i mean this you're my best friend i love you for the last three years i want to say that um i do have a message for the future scott you should not end the podcast something terrible will happen oh okay well i wasn't really close to okay all right great okay wow you brought your own recap normally you do your own recap i just thought it was important that you edited this together god what did you use pro tools i use pro tools okay i contacted one of the employees of this podcast scott and i got all the raw data and i did it myself wow well that catches us up uh as far as i know i mean rooty north you everything that you just heard uh i mean we didn't mention that you got a new job which when john lennon was on recently we we uh sang a

little bit of that he was definitely confused if i remember correctly right now scott i'm here because well well it's my tenth anniversary i would hope that you're here to celebrate that's true scott and i do want to say happy anniversary thank you so much but it's your anniversary scott i have bad news oh no regarding yourself or about me regarding myself oh thank god no you're fine everything's fine that anniversary let's celebrate baby okay now scott something bad happened to me now you heard of the previously odd that i said if you ended the podcast something terrible would happen sure and i'm not ending this is not the final that was the misunderstanding scott okay i think you thought i was talking about the podcast in general i was talking about the

episode that particular episode that's right i needed you to stall for another 30 minutes oh why what happens scott it's very complicated i made a deal with the speed force look i can't talk about it right now why this is a 10 hour podcast scott we have nothing but time scott i haven't announced what to make please this is a no better place for it i got a new job you got new job i got a new job well what was your last job do we need a previously my last job was definitely Santa Claus for a little bit yes okay i took that over i was there there was christmas trees involved right and yeah the christmas tree salesman christmas tree salesman but scott i'm the devil now the devil himself that's right scott i have been banished to hell

because you ended that episode early and now i am the devil whoa normally when people are banished to hell they suffer there you know i got promoted to devil right away you were so good at it they banished me down there they tried to torture me scott but let me just tell you something i am a famous dirtbag right okay it's hard to torture a dirtbag torture a dirtbag first of all torture you exactly what a country it's like russia i'm like y'all got smeared off a dirtbag that's god they i went down to sit the hell of course because of course the podcast early and i don't i don't recall i don't know what the deal was with scott i can't get it early but we can't get into it of course because it has to do with my parents and big wizards and stuff like that right

okay now i was down in hell first of all i was walking down hell just the other day of course i ran it through a demon and i knew what to say you knew what to say at this point so things are already off to a great start now okay yeah so i knew what to say i basically said hey man what was that up there because they always look it up because hell's on the ground right sure so the only view is up there so he can you see clouds can you see heaven from hell oh yeah okay you got to see through earth but it's up there you need like a heaven you have an x-ray vision it's called a heaven scope heaven scope it's a it's a telescope for the heaven it just goes right through the earth right through the all the way through mm-hmm yeah i got those out there at the like

park observatory yeah where do we see it is it does it is it sticking up out of the ground somewhere in two places on earth mm-hmm that are equidistant from each other scott you know a lot about these have a scopes i just i'm just guessing you're very good at guessing scott that's one thing that i think has bonded us through the years and of course we are best friends even on the show for approximately two years i have i have but you know scott maybe less now scott now of course i punched this demon in the throat oh of course but you said hey what's that i said what's that up there he looked up i punched him in the throat took his pitchfork pitchforked him in the butt of course is that the usual part of the process no but i did whatever tool that they

have sometimes you turn things around and i don't normally punch people in the butt but i do remember when you own the donut shop did you poke someone in the butt with a donut or i think i used a hose to maybe spray someone in the face okay sure and when i was a leafblower guy i definitely leafblowed things into people's faces you don't want to do that up the butt i don't want to do that old terror wreck i mean what what now scott let me tell you something about being a demon in hell it wasn't good for me it wasn't now this i didn't like because i had a boss i had to go to like you know i like to be my own boss who's your boss because the devil right if the this is in the beginnings okay before i became before you became the devil now you know i like being my

own boss yeah you're you like to be self-employed let self-employed i drove a uber because the car was the boss right is there a lot of bureaucracy down in hell oh my let me tell you something first of all the devil is a little bit of a bitch okay scott okay i'll tell you and this guy and this dude yeah look he loves talking shit he loves talking shit it's the devil you know i mean i'm sure he's rewarded for that kind of behavior oh my god he he rewards himself every time he talks shit he picks up on her she gets it he eats it that's it melts in his head before it gets in the mouth he slurps it out he should have like a refrigerator down there are they not allowed down there he doesn't like cool stuff right he just like he likes it plenty hot yeah it's pretty

annoyed for me but as a dirtbag i've adapted of course right and you know i didn't like having a boss so the devil called me in no meeting and he said rudy rudimentary north we've been doing a uh a report on your efficiency as a demon and i'm like mother this motherfucker i reach over to try to get her she kissed he slapped the top of my head like a like a you know like i'm doing something wrong right sure yeah and i said you know what devil it's time for the rudy dorth takeover and he says you gave him a warning i gave him this is the first time i've ever given a wow i've never given a warning but this was the devil so i needed to just play him right and i said i said you're about to get a rudy north special and he said

because he doesn't you don't understand that language oh okay he's is he constantly speaking demons sort of ancient primordial language yeah he's speaking demon which again is just broken english okay but um you can translate to you you could translate and what he's basically said was look i'm gonna have to file a report and as soon as he said that scott oh i reached over his desk i punched his ass in the throat wow you know that's my best friend i taught you to move sure yeah and i punched him with the throat and um well he now bows down to me he bell he bends the knee he bends the knee scott to you that's right now i'm the devil so you swapped jobs you did a job swap yes so now he's just a demon now you're the devil exactly scott

and let me just tell you something all the other jobs i've had i did not enjoy scott well you don't have a boss is the devil unless i guess some people would think that god or jesus is the boss of the devil but what do you say well there there are some schools of philosophy that uh think that the devil you know is technically being guided and given orders by heaven okay um okay okay cool cool cool okay i mean that's some schools have they ever checked in with you no no no but i haven't seen god in a while i guess i have seen some memos you've seen god before though yeah i saw god yeah i saw well so first of all they have a fun like on halloween they have a god heaven party okay which is very fun does hell have a hell party it's a it's a

well they mix it up it's like it's a god it's a god heaven hell party is what i meant oh i see so everybody we get to we meet on earth okay okay in between yeah that's right neutral ground oh yeah we hang out at the ace hotel and we have a fucking great time scott right we party i mean tupac was there tupac was there wow biggest boss was there i mean john lennon and i were talking about the famous dead musicians who you know who would be in a band together yeah it's crazy i saw so many guys wrapped together oh yeah they wrapped together yeah but one's in heaven and one's in hell wait which one scott i'm not able to tell i only saw you not a liberty to say i saw it with the party so it's like i didn't ask you're the devil you could probably access that information

yeah you're right but you know what i don't go into the paperwork room you know how i do things scott i yeah total dirtbag style total dirtbags just flying by the seat of your pants kicked my feet up flying by the seat of my devil pants did you poke the devil in the butt with his pitchfork oh yes i'm constantly doing it i hooked him up to like a fucking machine that just is a pitchfork where'd you get the fucking machine um i bought it online that's god i'm i'm so happy that i'm the devil now and you know i'm happy for you this is incredible but the sad part and the bad thing i needed to tell you is that this is the last time i can appear on the podcast what no you're one of our favorite guests of the past two years i'm sad yeah if that now scott i am so sorry but

i really had to fight to leave hell today to do this you well you're your own boss you they don't let you leave hell whenever you want but with every second i'm outside of hell my power grows weaker scott oh i see right just like the dc comics devil himself i think they got a devil character they probably do i know marvel as my fisto and hellboy something like that who knows yeah sure now i'm definitely like that you're like that that's right scott so i i'm sorry your power is being drained away as you speak to me that's right and you don't want to lose that power i don't want to lose that because someone could throw punch you that's true scott and right now my speed force is almost at a zero am i devil force that's hell related because no that's just

different i haven't used it in a while speed force and scott i can't get into that right now i don't know all the rules of all your various powers you know you did hang out with me for three years in the speed force but i guess you know how memory works you forget things the further away you get that's right it's been a long time i should have left you without a dope of course that's got thank you for that i appreciate it that's god i'm so sorry but this is the last time is aliyah down there by the way well i must say she is not okay she's in heaven she made it all the way up there good for her good for it i wouldn't i wouldn't want her to be strapped to a fucking machine no no hell no she's not our kelly related she's no no no she's up there and as a matter of fact

she is the person perpetrating most of the revenge on our kelly right now oh good good for her she's the guardian angel of everyone you know so she's having fun okay i'm glad she landed on her feet or her wings or whatever it is and you know they you know what she always says at first you don't succeed pick yourself up to try again um so scott and now first of all i feel bad because even just saying the word scott i like saying scott no one's gonna be saying scott as much as you anymore without you being on the show there's gonna be an absence of the word scott it really is because it's a it's just i don't say the word scott as much as you say it scott i'm sad scott i'm sad too that's why i was coming in so piping hot you were so piping hot and now

you're gonna be leaving me cold and and i know the fans are gonna be so sad i think they will be i mean you're one of our favorites yeah fan favorite self-described fan favorite of course but self self-fulfill the prophecy scott i'm so sorry so uh you know thank you real bummer for me it's a real bummer for the fan but thank you for having me and look there's no way that in some convoluted turn of events i might appear again in the future that i doubt there will be ever away because you have a lot of responsibilities as the devil the good news is is you'll be seeing several of our fans down there as they expire that's true pass on that's true yeah is there anything can they give you a haynong man or something like that to let them know that

they're a fan of yours i'll tell you what if you come down to hell and you give me a quick haynong man how quick it's gotta be like this you know it's just like i'm very kind of very quiet because i don't want the other diva see here right i can't be giving all these favors away right i will turn the pitchboard fucking machine down to low okay well that's very nice that's the little because i cbv thrusts is it on and low per minute that's like 10 per minute okay every six seconds that's not bad at all okay it's like a light massage it might be good look it's still gonna be hot you're gonna be burned up sure yeah all the yeah all the rest turn the pitchboard fucking machine down down to because i love cavity bang bang scott well we love you we're gonna be so sad that you're not with

us anymore i know i know and it's just been so great to be a part of the canon and just sort of like add as much as i can every appearance i make and i'm just just thank you scott it's been my pleasure i mean rudy yes you're one of my best friends i'm formally my best friend and then time you know time you know we got out of college we had our time you know we're sure always go back to that time yeah of course you know before thanksgiving we'll always be always yeah i'll always celebrate it you know and those recipes we don't have time to get into that scott uh but of course scott um one thing i wanted to say was i did not ever get into my discovery in that ancient egypt too that's right we've always wanted to know yes do we have time to get into it right now i think

we might have time to get in we're doing a very long show so i think we do have time scott the discovery i made in that tomb in ancient egypt was a bunch of pop tart scott pop tarts that is right like modern pop tarts you discovered them in someone left them there recently that's right scott and of course that was evidence of time travel in ancient egypt oh i see a time traveler went backwards in time that's true oh my god and it was evidence of an enemy who's been hunting me down since well the very beginning of time oh the beginning of time yes i mean you were sired in the 1600s it's true but of course my life force has been around since the beginning of time because i don't know the rules on this you've never explained them i can't get into it but the lightning

bolt was me from the beginning okay but scott well that enemy well there's evidence of that enemy and now that i'm in hell well there's room for this enemy to run free scott now that you're not safeguarding earth which is something i'm presuming that you did yeah those are some of your responsibilities that's canon okay uh now that you're not safeguarding earth this enemy is running free that's right scott this enemy is my daughter your daughter that's right scott my daughter who's your daughter judy north judy north that's right scott beware of judy north she may come in the form of another comedic character you will never know scott okay you will never know rudy don't go

oh he's sprouting a haunted tale and speaking the ancient aramaic language goodbye scott goodbye rudy goodbye oh he closed the door i think that there was a smoke bomb to disguise his exit hi oh hi hi hi hello my name is judy oh hello judy uh judy north wait a second that's ringing sort of a bell for me uh-huh i trying to remember why well i'm a dirt bag scott why have i heard that name before judy north well um you might have heard of it because i was just the ceo of starbucks oh right that's right judy north judy north ceo of starbucks and nothing else oh yeah judy north that's so that yeah i guess you've been in the news

yeah running for president uh-huh i might be running for president oh okay well it's great to meet you judy it's great to meet you too scott doing a little 10 10th anniversary podcast very cool and happy anniversary scott thank you very happy for you having a lot of old friends on the show but it's always nice to meet a new friend well i'm so happy to be a new friend here scott judy north that's right judy north well great are you just gonna hang out or yeah i guess so i might just hang out okay cool cool all right well so i guess do i just write my name on the table okay yeah do i mean you're one of our new friends here on the show it's an open future fan favorite judy north open door policy here anyone can come in uh someone we've never seen before

has never been mentioned on the show previous to never well judy can i ask you some questions about yourself well of course scott how old of a woman girl oh well she's very rude to ask a woman range scott oh and it's the first question i asked i i apologize i'm judy north you are judy north yes uh uh uh you don't want to tell me yes you're saying my name a lot a lot like uh you're saying my name a lot a lot like someone i used to know scott yeah that's my name you do uh yeah i used to have a friend i'm sort of forgetting about it a little bit i used to have a friend who said my name all the time oh cool was he a genie or something i never really quite figured that out he might have been do you know what friend i'm referring to no scott i've never been here before

have you listened to the show though i mean the oh my god huge fan huge fan okay then that must be but i skipped a bunch of very specific episodes oh okay so you know over the past two years or so if if that yeah yeah mm-hmm well anyways scott i'm so happy to be here wow i'm happy to have you i mean uh we may have to get on with the show here no problem scott i do want you to move on but one thing i do want you to remember is that judy north will always be here for you well thank you judy i would love to have you back on the show as many times as you would like to be on of course we have a lot of absences yeah a lot of people don't show up and i do live very close so hit me up okay i yeah i definitely will how do i i don't have any of your information do i just talk to one

of the engineers okay great you're tight with the engineers i'm tight with the engineers okay well judy so nice to meet you scott so nice to meet you too we'll be seeing you many times in the future yes you will all right take care judy my Scott judy north okay well uh that's gonna be very important over the next 10 years i would imagine all right we need to take a break when we come back we'll have more comedy bang bang after this hi everyone i want to tell you about a wonderful podcast and no i'm not talking about the one that you're listening to right now why would i talk about that you're listening to it i want to tell you about a different podcast this is uh with a good friend of mine and a friend of comedy bang bang cameron esposito and uh the show is called query

with cameron esposito now it's not queer i even though it's sort of spelled that way because that would be copyright infringement um and jonathan van ness who does a different show on the network would get very upset with us it's query query so here's what you do when you listen to the show it's like you're sitting in on an hour-long conversation between the aforementioned cameron esposito one of america's great comedic talents wonderful stand-up comedian and she has on some of the brightest luminaries in the lgbtq plus family uh they are all the guests and what query does is is it explores i guess individual stories of identity uh personality and the shifting cultural matrix around gender sexuality civil rights past guests include lina waith alexandra billings

congressman mark to cano the l word creator eileen chacon president and ceo of glad sarah kate ellis and more it's a great show its identity its community it is query not queer i find query every monday on stitcher apple podcast spotify or wherever you get your podcasts hi everyone scott augerman here and i want to tell you about a couple of great shows live shows that we have coming up we're doing a live comedy bang bang with very very special guests i just solidified the lineup and i'm very excited by it uh that is a cluster at cluster fest in san francisco which is of course comedy central's comedy and music festival cluster fest is taking place over june 21 22 and 23 you can buy tickets for the entire festival has

incredible people john malaney is there chelsea paredi the roots um and so much more and uh we're doing the live comedy bang bang on sunday the 23rd uh so and and very excited by that i'm also doing a live r u talking r e m re me uh at cluster fest on the 22nd with adam scott so head on over there i want to see out there i want to pack these shows we got some really cool things planned for them uh that is cluster fest june 21 through 23rd comedy bang bang welcome back scott augerman here and we are boy we are close to the finish line here this is our last segment on our incredibly long 10 hour podcast world record world record breaker i would imagine i wonder who previously held this uh world record that's joe rogan probably um but i am the title

holder now until uh someone probably attempts to do this next week but uh i am so emotional here with so many great people dropping by and this is our last segment so hopefully some of our friends are still around who can come by and and wish us uh well and uh say hello to us and uh uh uh who's that rapping at my chamber door if it isn't john lennon himself they told me at the front shut that door behind you if you would oh my goodness that's a heavy one that is hello welcome the the mad beetle himself may i sit down yeah please yes of course you're so polite no i know i always need to ask you've never asked anytime you've ever been on this show oh my god i thought i always have

i've got the the vampire syndrome with sitting you do but you're able to enter people's houses right no problem i walk in and out of people's houses are you doing be an ease in people's houses no because i'm not it's oh i'll test the lock in the front door okay so no bees just ease just ease easy and with ease uh john lennon from the from the uh uh most famously well the this podcast well but also before that before that before that i did a little acting uh i was in a film about world world two that's why i got these glasses right and a film called help as i recall right that oh right okay that was that was with a bunch of musicians i used to pal around with yes the european rock the rock group the european rock group the beetles right yeah it was

great yes you were that's what people mainly would know you from i think from my great album which album uh the well the one that i love now the beetles one your favorite beetles record is my favorite one and i've told people this and i know the record companies and whoever owns the rights to it don't want me to say it's the only record you need it's the only beetles record you should pick up right right because it has all of the beetles number number one right and only beetle songs right people will come up to me oh do you have the that shania twain song from all the way back when no we don't really because we weren't recording music when she was i don't know how to answer that question i hate that when you're listening to

a band's album and suddenly another band enters and does a few songs you have to you're checking around the whole sleeve of the cd of the record well this doesn't say anything about shania twain how could it how could it how could it i assumed i was listening to the beetles well john welcome to the show thank you so much for dropping by it's thanks for having me sorry but i got to take a sip of water oh please yeah oh oh did you uh you brought your own uh a bottle there i noticed that's water that is water that is h2 and oh h2 and oh in that altar well i guess you could mix up the order a little bit as long as there's all right if you shook it around two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen yeah i guess in the end it doesn't it all comes out the same in the end

and in the end right and that's what that song was about was it it was a that song was about drinking water and peeing it away the love you give is the issue love you get you know and it's yeah the love you give is the water you give yourself why did you say it that way the love you give are you talking about like ingesting water is that right oh the the water you give to your mouth you said it like it was a huge uh you know euphemism the love you give you're just talking about drinking water that's just my voice john thank you so much for how the hell have you been i've been great uh i don't know if you know this but we're celebrating the 10th anniversary of the podcast i saw that the receptionist told me oh you were here just on uh other business or just

to check it out i i want to buy here every once in a while to see if you're around just do some easy ease that's all my easy ease at the front door i said they said hey yo scott's friend i said what is that how he refers to me that's great i guess that's one thing you could be known for other than being in the Beatles your friend yes good um so yes it's the 10th anniversary of the show you've been on for a good uh five of those probably five of those uh years yeah oh sure i don't know you'd have to go back and check it out i have no thank you but i'm not gonna do it either somebody on reddit should do a thread sure why not when did this stuff a whole thread right when how many years have you been doing it right and everyone has their own their own opinion uh a

lot like their assholes uh right mm-hmm singing of assholes you are not one thank you and you've been a great friend to the show thank you very much for saying it yeah 10 years can you believe i can't believe where what so 2009 this 2009 yes of course what were you doing that oh you're doing this i started this podcast what were you doing back then back in 2009 i was oh that was slumdog millionaire time oh right yes they won the oscar you know did they win the oscar then yeah that was a big one they won best uh best picture picture i would imagine if they won the big one yeah that's right they don't know they they should call it the big one because nobody calls movies instead of the oscars they should call it the big ones the big gold boy the big gold boys

win a big gold boy if you made a movie and give them give a gold one and they should give more too instead of just having one best picture right about about 50 right because it's all one it's all out of everyone's opinion yeah exactly right every make everyone happy in hollywood i'd like to win one you should win one too i i tried to with that uh movie i did right well i don't remember the movie you're talking about the world one in the world well too yeah somebody put me in it i don't remember it it was so crazy back then i don't remember yeah think of it well yeah 2009 i mean i mean that is uh i believe that is 40 years after uh you guys broke up the god yeah well well we broke them up we had to stop yeah and then it's also uh i believe it's uh because you were

dead for uh five years let's see in 1980 i shot 84 i came out to the ground 84 you came out so yeah so we're talking 35 years after you came out of the ground right i was i was yeah 2009 right so what were you doing in 2000 that was a big year for me i was i mentioned slumdog because 2009 i always come i think of that movie sure because i was involved in a lawsuit with them you were well tangentially i was a witness to a a certain crime it's all well i don't remember reading this i kept it very hush hush it was region this all happened started at the oscar party the gold boys the gold thank you the gold boy party and we're all having fun you were there i was there because you know i don't know why no one takes pictures of you i mean i know the fact

that you're alive is supposed to be a secret i'm quick i'm a nice guy and i'm always saying i'm always the guy says i'll take it that's what it is okay so i wonder there's no photographic i'll stop the red carpet and then go oh get out of here i used to down i'll take these so people are like john john john over here over here you're like no no let me take you want to take yeah let me take it to you you've had a long day when i've done nothing here so we're at the party you know all the free foods it was a nice easy easy for me right because there's not really a door on the party no open area i'm sure there was a gentleman checking off the list yeah but he saw me and said he can come you can come in that's exactly how it can kindly come in yeah yeah

so i walked in and uh regis philbin's with philbin yes philbin yeah regis philbin philminy of the regis and kathy lee show and then uh regis and uh kelly uh yes right okay and you know he was he did the who wants to be a millionaire who wants to be a millionaire of course so this is 2009 so who wants to be a millionaire is still on the air with uh i think so maybe it's tough to well that was part of the trial which i can't talk about oh that's the part you can't talk about i can't talk about that you can't talk about this part leading up to it okay regis was he was drunk as hell yeah and he said they won this ask i should have something to do with it it was my show the whole time they didn't even cast me they didn't even audition oh that's right because slim dog

millionaire is all based on right who wants to be a mil okay now i'm seeing the connection and he i said you know because i'm a rabble rouser i said why don't you go up to danny and say something danny boil the director okay and he did and it was not nice what he said oh okay do you recall exactly uh it's the type of thing you know i know you like to keep a clean show of course yeah it's not that kind of a show i can uh say a few words you okay i can't say a lot of the next word you know a bunch of words right or the preceding word i would imagine right right and then uh and then did he get your blank hands off of me is okay the only words i can say all right great they fought each other and uh you know danny boil had his nose broken really really right

regis philman snapped the uh golden boy in half he snapped it in half did they replace it in he's stronger than you think yeah i mean regis he's strong as an ox i would imagine look at him right so he's stronger than that because that's what i think twice as ugly all right no i'm friends with him so i he's he's gonna hear this and say well you're both new yorkers yeah we love it with the three of us me and him and david let him in always get on always i would imagine that was most of my ideas for let him in but hey you know why don't you go you know uh throw a bowling ball out of i told him not to do that really you're gonna break that bowling ball most famous bits he said he didn't care i would imagine yeah he didn't care about me okay so uh big fight big fight at the

golden boys i was a witness this became a big uh you know lower level not lower level under the radar under the radar okay so they settled it or was there a jury trial it was settled all i can say is uh money was paid on both sides to me on both sides to you to make this thing go away okay i mean it seems like regis was at fault regis was at fault but danny boil broke his nose danny boil broke regis's nose i thought regis broke danny boil regis did it all he broke the nose and snapped the golden boy wait a minute why the hell was danny not rewarded money on the spot yeah why are you getting all this money jesus i was getting hush money from everybody okay so it was the most corrupt case that danny boil didn't want anyone to know that regis philbin

broke his nose right it sounds like you don't want that word getting around right so they at the trial they were like you know what this is getting too hot right let's just pay john lennon some money and he made and i made it go away and regis philbin he doesn't want anyone knowing he's snapping uh rewards in half rewards and rewards does he have an oscars rewards card if you get enough money rewards card you get one wow what a story what a life what a wonderful story what a life i live wow incredible it's crazy but it's fantastic it is crazy and fantastic crazy fantastic if i was still making music right which by the way you're supposed to bring your guitar and sing us your new songs at some point did you do that for the 10th anniversary

this 10th anniversary yes this one okay will you do it on the next 10th anniversary i will on the next one for shul but you gotta remind me because they take some time to get the instruments put them together okay yes i remind you every time you're here the strings that you know are at one place you got the body is it not a difficult situation to i know it shouldn't be it shouldn't be it shouldn't be but i just need the time so if you are making music again what now uh crazy fantastic okay okay it would be okay it would be a friend it would be crazy fantastic what a wonderful alleyway to go down with you what uh that wonderful uh just supposition of if you were still making music if i was making music i wonder what it be this is not bad yeah new beatle song

is it okay if we call it beatles or should it just be solo sure because i'll get the other guys you will i'll get the old tracks from the dead ones figure to which george harrison has he decided to come back to life no i think he loves it down there he loves it down when you say down there you mean in the ground not in the ground no not in hell no okay he's probably not in hell he's a great guy yeah he's up there with the the maharishi who that's right the who do you think who would be the greatest uh rock and roll band in heaven well uh i mean i think one of those fictional bands you know uh still water was that who it was from almost famous right right they're probably dead uh right that probably if they had to make a second one it would just be all the deaths

right i don't think that i don't think the studios would go for everyone always talks about john bonham on drums jimmy on guitar right you know who's on uh keyboards well that would be i'm so keith moon what does he play he's got to jump over to keyboards right wasn't there a dude from the david matthews band who's not with us anymore the fiddle player uh he's alive the sax player the sax player get him on lee roi moe lee roi moe how do you know these things i don't know music and i love it you barely know you were in the beatles barely it's nothing i barely know it just doesn't really uh pop to my brain as quickly well john what have you been up to lately i haven't seen you in a few uh a little while lately let's see i well uh i tried out for the mets for the the new york

metropolitan right yeah yeah yeah my goodness you know that you know we joke does not go over well with the mess right we have mr met on the show occasionally it did yes well you know him he's the mascot the ball his head is the big ball his head he had an unfortunate experiment where he wanted his head to be the size of a regular baseball oh my god and instead it got expanded to the size of a comically large baseball right and his old body's there yeah his whole body everything yeah that's that's terrible so you tried out for the baseball i got to try out for the meds wow i mean you're very spry for an 80 year old i'm good at it i can i can hit a lot better than anyone ever thought you can't really you're a power hitter i'm not a power hitter but

i can aim it very well oh okay so i can you know shoot just let it drop it right yeah drop it in send it away really so how did the tryout go it went great i made the team you made the i did very well are you playing with them right now i well no i'm a you know i'm a yankees fan through and through then why try out for the meds because why you don't if somebody comes to you sees you in the park playing baseball with your friends oh it says you want to try out for the mets no thanks i wouldn't want that life experience so you you made the team made the team made a bunch of friends you turned did you ever play one game i put well just down in spring training some of those and then just your conscience got the better of you saying you had my conscience

my just my team loyalty right i said did you ever see a subway series happening where you're like uh oh we're gonna have to play my favorite team i saw a series on a subway oh you did right i saw some rats play connection oh i see yeah pizza rat isn't the only exciting rat down there oh anything else going on john yeah head uh well i had it um i got to well i've got a new job i got a new job wow i got well i got there's really no earth when you need him uh no i've got well so this whole thing started with i was gonna have a venture with a headphone venture a new project with dr a new business oh dr dr he already has the beats headphones right you were gonna do i was going gonna go in on a project with him okay i got to the meeting it was a lunch meeting wrong dr

i'm meeting with dr dr from from yo m tv raps oh from the one the co-host dr yeah the co yeah there was a lot of confusion back there in the 80s because there are two dr dr's what happened there i don't i think i don't know it's like the uh the dust brothers you know i mean there were two dust brothers for a while really they had one had to change their name to the chemical brothers is that true that is true i did not know that and i thought i knew everything about the dust brothers parallel thought oh you you thought i thought let me test you okay do you remember the song by a band of brothers that they produced no it's not the band of brothers theme song okay you're still if you still have world war two on the brain okay i don't know much about it's handsome it's handsome

oh handsome like the m bop song they produce that yes get out of town i will not i will stay right here like you may get out of town you may go go back to new york if you like i will after this all right uh i had a meeting with dr dr and sat down and i said okay you're not the guy i was thinking of i but you know i knew i've known him forever so we were sitting and chatting who was his co-host ed lover ed lover yeah was he there he was not there i don't know if they hang out much anymore okay that may have well when we put the may have run its course when we put the show together it was sort of uh when you put what do you mean when you put the show together when i produced yo m tv raps you did yeah i had no idea you didn't know about that no oh my god yes i was i was

working in the york at the time so for m tv and i put the show i thought so why did you think it was going to be the other dr drae when dr drae reached out to you because your colleague and co-worker this was all through you know representation and stuff and lost in translation and here i am sitting with this oh yeah empty om tv raps so instead of saying oh hey it's dr drae my former colleague you said you're not the guy i said yeah he said that's rude and i said i apologize uh but we talked about you know some of the old days for a little while and uh you know i put together i did you probably didn't know this then i put together wu tang clan you assembled the wu tang some of them were already some of the guys were already there and i introduced them to method man

you really yeah he's one of the biggest stars one of the best i gave him his his name his his method he was going by come up with that he was going by methodical man oh okay and i said okay that's it's good but good is the enemy of great the m the methodical mc i'm sorry that's what it was the methodical mc and i said that's not very good first of all you're not an mc you're a man right and and you've got a method to this man it is madness they all agree they all agree this wu tang clan is madness so they agree madness when you brought that up they said yes you're right john lennon no i they you know they ran the ship they ran the ship they ran you just assembled them wu tang i i assembled just you know method man in there and were you just at a party and you said

hey you guys all standing together you should wrap together and they said we already do we're already doing that uh and this is you know we're on a stage i don't think you can take credit for that it's not a party it's a concert it sounds like well either way i gave method man his name so what happened with his headphones meeting well that's the other thing too i'm sitting there with dr drae we're talking for a little while eating our lunch and he says it's one of those awkward things where you're sitting there both looking at each other conversation dies down and you're waiting for the next person i know the feeling what don't you dare continue please you're sitting there and you say okay so what are we here for and so both of us had there was no reason for the meeting so

each of you separately thought the other person was going to have a headphone idea oh okay and he says so what how what's the headphones you guys what are you talking about i thought you thought he had the headphones i mean how hard is it you just make some headphones yeah or you go buy good dr drae headphone beats that i mean you put your own name on it right or you don't do you just sell them at the fucking phone sorry can you believe that i will not believe that i'm so sorry wow well john it's great to see you thank you so i mean it wouldn't be uh you know a birthday unless the person who sang birthday uh i don't know if you're saying that or i guess it was around for it yeah it was probably paul yeah but uh da da da da da i get kind of picture it coming out of my mouth

can't you thank you christucker um all right well john it's great to see you thank you so much for dropping by well thanks for having me uh you didn't have me i came by yeah you just burst in thanks for allowing me to come in well your scott's friend what else could i do i'm scott free all right think about using scott free the next 10 years or so all right maybe maybe go ahead and uh easy e exit through that door all right but goodbye all right see you john yeah okay yeah you got it okay good okay john lennon boy a show where both john lennon and maul micartney appear on it and not together wow that is incredible um but that you know hey maybe those two can get in a room at some point together um so we have a um hey wait a minute who's this you know me i'm one of the most famous

working professional musicians sort of know you in the biz i think we're close yeah i mean you're not we definitely have hung out you haven't been on the show it's been a little bit uh yeah well more than once yeah this may be your second appearance i mean what's a lot one is more than it's an infinite more than zero i guess it's two more than negative one it's the biggest gap between numbers you can have i guess so nothing to what is your name again randy useless randy useless that's right session musician professional musician that's right yes you were on the show recently yes and um you know first of what i assume will be many appearances perhaps perhaps first of two definitely because you're on right now yeah this is already going better than a lot of people told me they

thought it might that might happen i mean you were on one invoke song and you were never on another one well not yet i mean i'm still alive as i as i think as our most of invoke if i'm as i think that's true as i hope i hope we haven't just awkwardly said something very distasteful yes all of invoke is still with us sure of course even the three on robinson yes and the rest and the others yes um all four and then three of them right one left sure don left yes of course to lucy pearl um your way your way beyond me in the world of proper nouns but what i am what i am uh up on you on is just musical experience that's true now for those of you who don't recall randy was on the show recently yeah and you uh you are the person who you're a session

musician mainly doing spoken word so far my yes i'm available to do anything i'm here to serve the song what i have mostly done is one time on the invoke song never going to get it i said now it's time for a breakdown right by accident we found out later that you are not a session musician there you are not there to be a session musician you are only you you mainly work as i also partially work well you say it's a side hustle but it's 100 of your income uh well that's true but um you know spiritually i'm not in it at all so it's like the front side the back side the side sides it's your side hustle it's uh i would you know spiritually speaking it's one eighth side it's just from a northeast angle coming at my shoulder is the only portion of me

that's emotionally invested in my actuary side insurance i'm an insurance actuary we estimate statistics of how long people will live i guess i could bear i could care less and you were there in studio with invoke presenting some life insurance policies for the team and during their recording during the recording session they were like come by we don't you know they were on a tight schedule sure of course they're in one of the hottest pop groups ever they were sure touring they hadn't released the record that made them all that hot but uh they were already living the lifestyle in anticipation they were like we're gonna be big let's start being busy all the time right so let's multitask and bring this insurance guy in and i you know i and i told them you spread

out all the papers yes and i uh had to let them know the information and unbeknownst to me i would the hot mic and the control booth sure well they were singing an actual song they were doing a great song yeah uh never gonna get it never never gonna get the one you're on yes i know and um hot mic and then i said now it's time for a breakdown because you were trying to explain this information to them and i think on some level i also sensed musically because it's such a natural fit for me as a job it just naturally happened to occur some would say it was a dumbest of coincidences i would say it was an instinct being realized okay perhaps a lot of i've realized a lot of things in life are open to interpretation okay so you said now it's time

for a breakdown they just left it in they left it in they they also said you're fired get out of here and chased you out of wow you you have a great memory for detail i wouldn't have brought that part of it up um but yes that's true i was uh i mean again this is a matter of opinion but i was fired as an insurance broker and fled from the studio but lo and behold fled by the way you thought something was going to happen you could have just walked out of there well i get embarrassed easily and um i'm not good at emotional confrontation so once i realized they were a little upset i took off right high speed through the streets of oakland yeah how fast are you going uh let's say i'm not great at estimating i'm gonna say one mile an hour okay that's not a high speed for walking

okay um well i mean it felt good uh two i mean two was two was about uh you know what am i was it a trot you want to get up to maybe four as a quick walk oh i was running let's guess seven and a half miles an hour okay that's not how am i doing that's a quick that's a quick run what does a bike do uh a bike can get up there in the 20s or 30s yeah somewhere in there yeah not 30s 20s though right down i don't know why we're talking about this right now no let's get more into it okay so randy so i'm running top speed you're running at least at least one mile an hour i don't want to i don't want to over promise sure between one and eight perhaps yeah one and eight maybe nine i don't know sure i broke it okay well so we'll call it in the single digits okay that's

fair okay and um you know months later or uh yeah so a few months later that song came out and they left it in and there's your did you receive any money for this i do i never asked you and i don't mind i am grateful to be to serve the work to serve the song did you sign a release as you were leaving as you were fleeing as i didn't sign anything but i did shout i'll do whatever it takes for to not be in trouble so maybe that's a form of release a verbal contract if they were still recording yeah okay i wonder why they didn't keep that in uh yeah what a fit hey if they want to do a remix and re-release i'm willing to go back and you know we could relay down some tracks you know have you so since then yeah have you been since the last time i saw you

you had not been in the studio since then have you been in recently i have really yes and i have you to thank for that okay and the exposure of being on this show which i didn't realize people listen to this people actually do listen yeah it's crazy a lot of people have approached me and they were moved by my story interested in my talents they were soothed by my vocal cadence and i have i've had books some work wow and it's said i've been back in the studio and now is this in vogue level work or well no it's not quite yeah i'm willing to pay my dues again you know sure i think so it's not quite at that level do you have to pay dues as an actuary is that what you mean yeah there's a yeah there's a huge union for actuaries because we get pushed around so you

stop paying those dues for a while and now you're i quit paying those dues and all dues and i'm willing to start paying dues okay great yeah i mean this is a whole complicated pro union issue but i'll pay my dues to the actuary union and to the to the to the muse of pop music success sure so yeah i've been back in the studio and it was um are you familiar with the artist m&m do you know it i stan him yes do you know him i do you stan him yeah oh you're referring to one of his songs right well yes but i also have a big big fan okay i mean i think the guy's great i mean i think of course marshal mathers yes that's how he got his name i don't know if you know that but the m in marshal uh if you take that and then you take the m the m in mathers

which one um i'm losing track marshal mathers is his name so marshal the first m and got it and then mathers the second m like what were you just talking about before that i was talking about his full name marshal matters there's two m's so you have the attention span of about three seconds who are you yes i do um but i was once uh struck in the head by a um pendulum oh was this big ben or i wish i was a little tinier yeah smaller like grandfather clock or yeah it was his grandfather clock in uh so your grandfather did into this yeah yeah i'm grandfathered into a head condition okay literally grandfather clock pendulum to me into a um to a slight head condition i have some memory issues a bit of a schizophrenia sure oh schizophrenia yeah well that's self-diagnosed

right doctors tell me that i'm not important of oh okay which i'm like that's not what i asked you so no we were talking about m and m m and m yes you have been recording with m and i mean he's a spoken word artist i mean yes i mean he's one of the best i would say right i mean he excels at it yes yes um i was cleaning some fixtures okay as a i was doing a little extra i was doing work at um there's um a studio in detroit called um electric um um soup okay i probably you probably don't know it don't know it you say electric ladyland i'm not well that's new york of course yeah this is electric soup they're more laid back there okay got it anyway and i volunteer to do a little work just to get my foot in the door i'm like hey i gotta pay my dues sure so i was doing you want to put

yourself in that invoke situation again where just like maybe i'll be let magic happen sure of course you know so you're cleaning fixtures chandeliers i imagine it's the fanciest chandeliers the best of fixtures candelabras any fixtures around light switches lots of fixtures sure that's my specialty i was willing to clean anything but i was like i'll start with the fixtures like the knobs on the drawers and stuff like that yeah knobs in the drawers things that are surrounding nooks and crannies backsplashes sure backsplashes are great and maybe uh you know take a throw pillow pluff pluff it up yeah fluff it oh what's that word oh i say fluff okay it's a harder p people hear you better sure over the phone do you change all f words to p words so people hear you better do the

math on that really fast but let's say i really passed you mean yes see i knew that wasn't i wasn't going to be able to make good on that sure let's say i do and uh so there i am in electric soup and i'm cleaning some fixtures and uh m&m walks in wow and he uh actually he's a pretty laid back guy he is for like for for someone of such success and such aggressive music and such aggressive alpha persona and his music when he's not recording the guy is chill okay it might not have been him oh really he was recording in this studio and you and what did he look like he was a woman this is not martin martin matters well he was recording they told me that he records in that studio okay yeah but it does not sound like it was him oh i mean i assume these people have

sort of you know uh they got to keep their identity on the down low for the fans he's disguising himself okay yeah who knows and just because he's supposed to be here even though this looks like a woman i guess this is him is what i'm thinking and what was he or she recording here she was recording an audio children's book okay called be nice to everybody no matter what okay yeah that's a good advice that's a lovely for children of all ages that's a lovely sentiment sure and uh i you know so i just kept on i don't think that she he knew i was there and i um just sort of piped in now and then with some ad libs trying to sprice up the spruce of the audiobook sure and i don't yet know if these made it in okay you haven't received a copy of it yet

no i'm waiting for hasn't been released right all right have you been looking for m&m releases yeah m&m releasing you may want to look at the title no matter what no i'm an artist search only kind of guy titles there's too many artists that narrows it down sure yeah you know you probably don't know a lot about database indexes this is almost as interesting as the land speed of runners but uh if you have to search a search a database column the fewer rows the fewer rows you're searching the faster to search so what kind of fewer artists and song titles is what i'm saying what kind of things were you saying i was saying now it's time for a breakdown now it's time for a breakdown now it's time for just some ad libs and this is whatever came to my mind just like whatever

is in the moment whatever felt right or true scott you're an artist you can relate to this you don't art is a lot of time it's about truth you can't come in with an ad you have to you can't force things sometimes that truth is i want to say my famous catchphrase yeah like i'm really i want to strike gold again i'm a desperate man and i'll do it and that's true and that's true and i was like this is gonna read right so i don't know yet if it made it in but i was in the studio again with m&m and so but and i had to show to think well good because i when i when i got the when i got the janitor job i i i named dropped you pretty heavily and that worked it works like a charm yeah yeah well that's incredible uh randy use yeah so i really appreciate it yeah uh i i i

really support you in your music career i would like nothing less than for you to get out of the insurance game and just i mean i'm out as far as i'm concerned have you told your bosses this no no i'm on break right now sabbatical or literally a coffee break yeah yeah this is by the way in another part of the country it's in connecticut i work in hartford connecticut and this is los angeles long long coffee break yep well they trust me does anyone notice when you're gone unfortunately no but i don't take that personally i say that's a sign of respect do you take it professionally because they should notice it that way as well i'll consider it hmm well randy incredible stuff i i really appreciate the sky's the sky's the limit you're one of our newest favorites

so the the fact that you decided to drop by i thought for the 10th anniversary there should be someone who's really made a legacy at this show you know like one of the really important characters who's logged what 40 45 minutes of time on the show maybe at a at a lot at a huge outside estimate but people like you uh i mean i'm recent so they got to remember right that's bringing some schmuck from episode 50 you know what i'm saying like come on like some of our previous guests yeah whoops randy i i hope uh when you come back uh i hope that some of your work will be officially released hey me too and i and i and i'll have you to thank for it well and all the fans of the show thank you so much for putting my name out there okay well

we're not at the end of the show so i usually thank people then but let's just wrap it up we have to thank our they're playing you off all right thank you randy and he's gone whoa boy randy useless uh the very definition of a recent favorite i think he was uh on uh merely three or four weeks ago so uh and uh great to see him he uh what a wonderful addition to the comedy bang bang uh cast of characters when i say cast and characters that is no indictment of the people who drop by who are very very real and uh mean a lot to me and uh i think oh my god hey squad is this who i think it is average me europeal captain mustache oh my god

captain mustache as as boston comedian captain mustache as i recall you were on the show very early i think episode 32 in our first year and then we didn't see you until uh episode 498 as i recall so you're one of our oldest and yet not closest friends to the show what was that you are so out of breath what happened i caught my arm against the wall you caught your arm against the wall now i'm i'm describing how i'm standing i caught my arm against the wall and i'm breathing heavy oh that's for sure okay yeah i see everything that you're describing right now but the listeners can't see this squad you're right so thank you for describing the fact that your arm is against the wall that's a vital piece of information

my other arms holding onto my hip yeah and your legs you haven't described what they're doing they're both kind of buckling a little they're shaking they are shaking why did you rush over here well i was afraid that i was gonna get late well this is a 10 hour show i mean it's oh yeah that's right it's a 10 hour one yeah you could have come here hours from now yeah well i gotta see every time i listen it feels like a 10 hour show hey captain mustache i know you're out of breath but is that really the place for well i love chocolate around with your dad's for sure scott you do you are one of boston's greatest comedians i mean most legendary i can't say it myself i'll say it for you i mean so captain mustache well i've influenced a lot of people and i think you

can kind of hear my stylings and a lot of the great young kids today uh such as jail i know uh you know i think seinfeld's jerry seinfeld so now captain mustache for those of you who haven't heard the two uh episodes uh that apparently bookended approximately eight years or so yeah captain mustache is an older gentleman who considers j leno and seinfeld both in their 70s as i recall to be young i have a couple kids well we started i started out before them captain mustache you're a comedian yes and uh but you're out there doing the boston clubs yeah i'm doing well not not really no where where are you performing i've been in a hibernation i tend to hibernate for about seven to eight years do you mean metaphorically as uh is that why we didn't

see you on the show between episode 30 that was part of it because i was hibernating as i call it hibernating which also means taking really long naps uh getting just generally sleepy so you're are you literally hibernating like a bear or where you're asleep for months i would usually just put on sweatpants you know put you know you know go around the apartment you know you know look at the plant give it some water if it's too dry and uh you know generally putz around just puttering around the house is what you're describing puttering that's the word i'm looking for thank you scored pat and run around the house and you know looking for material oh have you ever looked at that plant and gotten some material out of it yeah it was a ficus tree and uh one day this is this isn't this

finished this is something i've been working on for about eight years so we'll lower our expectations you know the business uh so here's the joke or the area of the joke okay the other day i go to move like thank you's tree see you're already laughing i know i i think i'm that was a laugh no i think i'm sniffling uh the allege there's allege well yeah if you really want to count my allergies so there i am moving around door my thing and i decided me to move my ficus tree now we're going back to the beginning of the joke where you decide to move your ficus tree okay great i kind of didn't want this voice so you consider if you do it in a different voice that it's not repeating it's a rewrite got it so there i am walking around moving the ficus tree and then the next

day the ficus i move it from one inch to another inch over you know you know do you ever do that what's that now it's part of the crowd work part of the joke ever do you ever do that do you need me to say yeah we do yeah occasionally we move our plants well anyway so it's this is a good joke now that i'm listening to it out loud because i've never really told it before when you think that what we've heard out loud is the good part so far i mean i'm intrigued because nobody knows where it's gonna go and this is the part if i were to give a comedy class this is the part where you just sit there for a long time the pre punch line yeah you're just living in a world of possibilities yeah what's gonna happen right right everybody wants to know what's gonna happen

max well big finish right so the next day i look over in the ficus tree all of its leaves fall off on the ground and it doesn't have any leaves no ma and it pretty much dies choose him ma oh it doesn't have leaves anymore anymore oh sorry i thought you were calling me ma why would i call you ma i that's why i was very confused all right okay it doesn't have leaves you're so yeah what you're as confused as i was this is why you don't let the audience talk to you am i is this considered heckling i mean i thought we were doing an interview yeah sorry i'll back off thank you finish the joke oh thank you hold on my mouth is dry if you can keep a joke going this is what this is what the greats always say if you can keep a

joke going the same joke going for like a power then you can write less jokes and you don't have to write as much you know often do you take sips of water during oh joke oh i'll bring a gallon or two on stage and a little martini glass and then i'll bring a martini glass filled with martinis and then i'll just take turns take what now i take turns going but take turns going back and forth a little bit of water one for you one for me this course there's there's the plant this course easy he would do one movie for the studio one for him one for one for them one for me what is the passion of the christ fall for that and what's that his i think that was for him was he forced to make this one i think that he his general thing is i'll make a color of money

and then i'll make a kundun oh one for them one for me color monies for them it was a big hit lot of money tom cruse in it sure that's for them for newman don't forget him he's still he's still a star he well he's passed away at this point he has i think you were hibernating while he passed away perhaps i was so anyway there i think the audience is hibernating currently waiting for you to get to the punchline of the joke audience right now is white knuckling dead radios they're debock seats yeah is this come with debock seats i would be interested if anyone were to listen to this podcast while sitting in debock seats whether it would rumble yeah you know it's good those seats are square you with water i've heard that yeah you have a pin one movie where there's a

lot of sneezing in it it's just part of the joke i don't know is this exploratory maybe i'm just maybe i'm feeling jazzy today figured it out when i get there that's what what's his face used to do that one guy bob farsi yeah yeah bob farsi i think i smoked a lot of cigarettes yeah now i've noticed that you haven't been smoking since you walked in here no i that's part of why i was out of breath because i was finished because you haven't been smoking because i haven't been smoking in here now because i couldn't find the door i was walking around i went to the wrong door i went in i saw here's what happened before this i sat down in another place i started talking to a guy

who i thought was you and i we were getting into it for a while and then i said aren't you gonna press record and he said what do you mean aren't you gonna press record and i said what do you mean what do i mean what do you mean and then i figured it out i said your name's not steve is it and he said what it is steve i think the guy's name is scott and then that it just was great he really had who did this turn out to be i don't know and i don't know i don't know here's the here's the problem i can't tell the difference between what happened and what didn't that's i believe i mean you're you're so much older than jerry seinfeld you may be experiencing i hate to say this but dementia of some sorts oh well if this is dimension it's not bad that's true i mean that's a good

tagline point of view it's a good tagline of this show if this is dementia it's not that bad it's not that bad i just don't make a lot of plans and disappoint people so there i am no leaves dead tree one day later all i could was move at one inch and my question is do you think that tree's overreacting well captain mustache you're one of our greatest friends it's so good to see i don't think this episode would have been complete without you dropping by i think you're right i hope to see you at the end of another 10 years i look that's the soonest i want to see you captain mustache is 10 years from today well in 10 years let's make a deal okay i'm gonna have a rewrite of that fakest re-joke okay i'm looking forward to that okay it's great to be here captain mustache

thank you for dropping by thank you so much goodbye everyone i love you all goodbye we love you too captain mustache i think i don't know i barely know the guy uh but uh one of our earliest guests and uh uh incredible to see him and uh people have been dropping by through the store so wait a minute is that the phone here in the studio who left the phone on in the studio i okay maybe we're getting a call for us let's uh pick it up here and uh uh hello chop-tah oh my god is this who i think it is the only person who calls me chop-tah i think it's it's marissa wonkler my old my old intern get your don out to time to celebrate your 10th anniversary what are you 85 years old what are you you must be around 85 as well you've been on the entire 10 years

as a teenage girl no no where are you why are you calling me why aren't you here listen listen i had a lot going on um i am uh i'm right now in the midst of renovating the condo and it's a real money pit situation so i can't leave the house because there are no doors or windows oh it sounds like a haunted mansion yes that's right so it in order to protect the few there's always my way out what nothing i'm sorry to interrupt you look hey where's lisler can you put her on you haven't heard what do you mean haven't heard what break you were on a break like ross and rachel what do you mean this is an island i're on a break no no no i want lisler on the show no she does hey you're not enough let me remind you it started with me i know

i know i had you on first and then lisler came on after that but still i mean that was that's first year stuff people don't remember that people just remember you as wonkler and lisler the wamp it up co-host look i have her number i'm gonna patch her in yeah no what do you mean you have your number yeah i have your number yeah engineer sam let's patch her in you there's the number all right here we go we're dialing the number she's been on the grid i'm not ready hello hi lisler it's me scott augerman lisler how do you get the number i look i have to confess the last time you were in here i cloned your phone and uh

what what i i do with i do it with all of my guests i'm sorry i i like to see if they i like to see if they have any funny pictures or anything like that so i got your number from that but hey wonkler's on the on the party line here wonkler say hi to lisler hear her voice oh hey lisler how's it going it's actually going very well thank you how are you where are you i can't tell you that i haven't gotten any calls i haven't gotten any texts you haven't dropped any chicken bones off at my doorstep what the fuck man well that's because i'm in an undisclosed location okay and i don't want to give you any clues you have to survive on your own for a little while see what that feels like

yeah we'll see what it feels like to be in the undisclosed location of my butthole oh shit doesn't make any sense you know what i'm saying you know what because you know what i needed and what a lot of self care who's gonna take a lot of love yeah yeah what do you like that like a coming to america type of situation where a bunch of people are sudding you up i don't know if that's really an accurate metaphor i think you should probably stay away from that that's where i stuck with you from that film isn't it fun to laugh at me again well guess what i'm not your little bitch boy okay i wouldn't have called you if chocked i hadn't what did you call yourself a big boy i like that

look look i i really wanted to broker a piece between you yeah i i heard your last episode of the wampada podcast where you guys had to fight but i thought that i could be like you know frank sinatra on the jerry louis telethon bringing dean martin out you know and and and making you guys hug you know i mean that that's what a tenth anniversary is for oh really or is it just for you to get ratings all right to stay relevant don't use us like andy color a little bit like ryan rosa i got us i and i don't care for that where you where the cold call a boyfriend and ask who he'd like to send roses to and they and it's usually not his wife if you if you think me airing a very distant sounding telephone call is to get ratings

i think if you have another thing coming i just i wanted you both on the show you were such a big part of it from the beginning then you spun off into your own show and i get it you don't have a lot of time to come back but i wanted to talk to you both well i can't come back because i'm physically not able to come back i don't know what her excuse is why why are you physically unable did you lost the use of your legs what's going on are you too far away i'm too i'm i'm several weeks journey from the studio okay several weeks by sea by plane a lot of self-care going over here on over here you know ockerman when people show you who they are you need to listen listen the first time a yalla van zandt to me bitch that's my

see this is why we need to be on a break talk talk hey hey can i come to work for you i'm not what please you're supposed to be working for me you're my original intern that never showed up we've had we've had another one since then are you what is that no you're the only no you're it's uh you know it's of course gino gino lombardo you know that guy you know what you know what the where my life took a turn chock-tock is when i stopped coming into the studio and working for you and i started working working for for listler you know at the start yeah you stopped you stopped working for me the second week you came the first week then you were gone for several weeks you've never been the most uh reliable employee

okay listen blacking door scenario okay and i'm not going to be gwyneth pal for haircut i'm going to reverse this situation i'm going to start from the beginning i'm going to start coming in i'm going to be doing my hours i'm going to train the kids every so often and then we'll we'll build this from the ground up i don't need you listler do you hear me i don't need you i need you so much oh god oh boy this is really pitiful is this what you wanted this is pathetic you wanted ockerman i i don't know that i wanted to hear wampler crawl like a worm well i'm so glad you could humiliate me chock-tock tenth anniversary this isn't about you listler this is about him and him trying to clean his bones to stay relevant that's what it's about listen

chock-tock i'm gonna take you to get some highlights i know you're feeling your age it's time to just get a new look and i'm and i'm willing to to to make you over all right you don't have to ask i'll be there i'll pick you up i don't know wampler it you know i i don't know that you're you're a trusted resource for uh you know personal hygiene necessarily listen chock-tock i'm gonna pick you up we're gonna get some frost your tips i don't i i have plenty of frost on my tip i really don't need you um it's it's which tip it's not gonna happen look i'm not just you guys just look guys i appreciate uh uh first of all uh wampler i appreciate you calling in and listler i appreciate you you answering the phone but uh we have to go anytime you call like i didn't

know you had this number but anytime you call i will answer because i do owe you my life and that's a couple different ways okay i had no idea that you owed me your life that's that's new to the canon yeah but but guys thank you so much for being part of the tenth anniversary it means so you've been there since the beginning it means so much to me thanks a lot for bringing this emotional ruin to my doorstep i really appreciate it um and uh listen you get that gesture and cleaned out because i'm coming and if you feel a warm a warm hand on your soft underbelly that'll be me crawling into bed next to you okay oh god please don't let it happen let my soft underbelly alone please all right guys thank you so much thank you all right bye talk talk congrats why don't we still

away still away why don't we still away yeah all right bye listler uh wow so special to hear from those guys uh i mean they some of our earliest guests and they've created their own show from it that is that's been going on uh of course i haven't approved it but they did it on their own and they didn't ask me whether they could or not but uh you know hey god bless them i hope those two patch it up though and i'm sure they will in a few months time um well guys that is just about gonna do it for us we are getting close to the 10 hour mark here and there really is only one final feature that we have left on the show it's something we do every single week and it's one of the fans they love this they skip to it they skip to it uh i'm sure that uh it's daunting to

skip through an entire 10 hour podcast but i know some of you did it's time for our best final feature here on the show it's time for a little something called plugs in life is the plugs that's a good song that is a good song that song's okay that's a great song i didn't like that song is that even a song that's a good song not very good song the only good songs are here what is oh hi how you doing scott oh my god is jesse ventura straight from the plug bag yep i've got it held open with my strong arms you've been in there oh don't let it collapse upon yourself well it is kind of like a sphincter muscle your strong arms are for the plug bag well i'm holding

it open like a real like big john if you remember the song from the 60s jesse you've been trapped inside the plug bag every once in a while we'll open up the plug bag and we'll hear your voice coming out of it it's not so bad you say trapped some of us learn to come to terms with the situation we've been given so you've been enjoying it inside the plug bag i alluded to that previously yes and here i look i want you to know it's not so bad what is it like is it like a dark nothingness so you make it think like it's an exotic other and it is it's a bit like when wacko uh porky goes to wacko land i don't know what either of those things are porky or well it's of classic warner brothers it's oh i thought you were saying porky like porky and best well there is it look

the little known sequel to porky and best porky goes to wacko land i have season tickets to the st paul light opera i'm sure you do i'm afraid you've been missing it for the past few years because you've been trapped in the plug bag but again you say trapped let me introduce you to an idea of kayfabe kayfabe kayfabe yeah okay what is a wrestling terminology i've heard of this we uphold the reality now i'm out of the ring now i can tell you the truth but when i'm in the plug bag i'm acting like it's people look down on wrestlers like we're just thugs or people that would have been you know hunched over a bar die in at the age of 45 no i'd circus people and let me tell you we're trained actors right yes i mean primarily you're acting when you're wrestling there's not

a lot of physical uh punching or uh there's there's a lot it's a lot of not punching there's a lot of light touching you call it light touching let me tell you it's it's full contact acting what's so hard for you to wrap your mind around i guess you and a porn star are very similar in the sense of it's full contact acting well you could say that you could say that and i do wear condoms when i'm in the ring you do i wear condoms in the ring in fact i have a i have a full girdle condom that goes around the the edge of the little speedo speedo thing so little speedo singlet is that to protect yourself or to make sure there's no drippage coming out or what you never know you got to practice safe grappling because you might just wind up inside the other wrestler at

some point like it has it has happened you know somebody somebody grabs and you get a little doink like the little girl like the little girl on the suntan lotion you get a little you get a little of your uh-oh the cheeks fell out wasn't that jody foster or someone like that it might have been or is that the morton salt girl i'm not really sure which one it is look scott i have this i have this plug bag sphincter held open i'm getting a little tired here why don't you step yes into the plug oh no i don't want to go into the plug bag why don't you come out of the plug bag because i wanted to show you around oh look i'm willing to go inside the plug bag if you can we prop it open and you'll just sit on the lip of it like on my front porch sure yeah like did i did you in

it's a little rude i'm being minnesota nice for you okay sure i'll just pop my head in just a little bit if i pop your head in okay and it'll be dropping on you whoa oh i've just kept and just kept now oh so cold see it's real it's real oh my god just sit down here how long was i in there uh you were in the plug bag for in-hubit look it in your world just for half a second but in the plug bag you experienced 24 000 years of promotional existence has has coolop left me by now well not in this world but in that world not only did coolop leave but you went through several cycles of evolution oh my god you now you've seen what i've seen here sit down let me get let me get a big two by four and prop this thing open okay

that should hold and thank god people were plugging two by fours yep hexaw jim duggin was here earlier oh my gosh okay i think i'm feeling a little bit better you're feeling better here can i get you a nice tea or a yeah is there some lemonade or something like that maybe a plug from the end of an old car center or something okay here let me get you a glass of here louis anderson's gonna be at the harris casino and lots of things oh that tastes good refreshing yeah we subsist on ancient plugs inside the plug bag we live off the land like william to come to Sherman oh jesse i spend time at my little ranch down in the plug bag swimming and surfing look you i do i still sneak out at night sneak out of the plug bag or sneak out full

yep full nighttime navy seal underwater demolition team oh of course yeah you're the most adept at that yep were you involved in dark green uh camouflage and then i i swim over to the studio to do my rt show what were you involved in the uh osama bin laden raid nope that was uh seal team six right which seal team are you in well i was sealed that was seal team six i'm in seal team four point two oh that's too bad so you just missed it well i know i didn't miss it that was there's lots of iterations that was a seal team that was way back in the 70s right yeah that was analog what was that one of the seal teams you wished you had been a part of i was involved well let me tell you i was involved in um i was involved in the operation to get the hostages out of Iran

you were oh my gosh back in the 1980 or 81 let's say that that tracks i was involved 79 something yeah jimmy guard i was i was there arms for hostages i was hovering in a helicopter over tae ron hurling arms down on them say and give us the hostages this is like something out of an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie it's something out of a jesse ventura movie get it right sorry yeah sorry yeah which ones were you in command i don't have a problem with with i don't have a problem i'm not jealous of Arnold Schwarzenegger at all he was just on a rocket ship to fame after his movies well we're brought blood brothers from predator right what do you think of it did you see the recent predator movie well they've diverged from the cannon right and that's something i had to

let go of in the plug back the idea because a lot of people were plugging predator about september of last year so olivia munn was had some issues with the press schedule you almost know it better than i do i was a little bit miffed that they didn't bring me along as an elder statesman for the junket right but i mean just to stay just to hover behind everyone and camouflage i they think you could just camouflage to foliage you could camouflage to anything scott i know how to put half a movie poster down the side of my face and look like i'm in the back of an e-package look uh jesse if you want to go back in the plug bag where i'm about to start plugs but you can go back in you can escape you can do whatever you like well what what would escape me

i know how to get out i could get out through this way there's other universes i could show you andromeda if you want this is you know graham handcock no i don't graham handcock ask cool up okay cool up introduced me to graham handcock okay all right graham handcock is the two minnesotans truth cool up in you if you listen to joe rogan that's basically all he talks about oh okay great graham handcock he talks about the possibility of advanced civilizations look i've seen it in the plug bag wormholes they would blow your mind wow you know stargate i the the movie starring j davidson and his penis or the tv show starring a bunch of lesser people right it's nice nothing it's nothing like that why didn't j davidson show his penis in stargate he did it so well in the crying

game well when you're in an interdimensional uh gate there's a pixelation there's it's like similar to shrinkage but sometimes parts of you that are clothed get confused by the little micro beings that are trying to figure out how to reconfigure you for there's it's a lag it's a lag time before they fit all the pieces together okay so it's almost like a little game of tetris where your penis rematerializes in one universe or the other you know sex is the original tetris when you think about it you know so you got to figure out which blocks twist around into which blocks blam blam blam blam blam blam blam blam blam blam blam blam blam blam blam blam look jesse do you uh do you want to go back in do you want to stay i have to do plugs i'm fine

i'm fine like this you're fine like this like two friends sitting on a front porch well i have to get to the plugs though do you do you look let me hold let me just i'm not going to open it all the way let me just peek this up a little for you okay i don't want to go back in there don't look just look at it i i can't i i it felt like staring into the face of god look at all those beautiful plugs i don't think human eyes were meant to see that they weren't meant to see it but there they are looking at it my god it's all made of plugs that's an arthur c clark level of wisdom that i've got from the end of 2001 a space odyssey oh my gosh oh too many plugs radio shows podcasts tv shows that people thought they were going to be on everyone has a podcast now everyone look there's there's

thousands of podcasts spawning other podcasts when we first started the show we were the only podcast you were the only podcast but look at the and then cereal came around and ruined it look at your children in these other universes that you've created you're not only a god you're a galaxy you're you're a creature that spawns gods well that's a wonderful way to look at it jessie thank you so much there's many planets being birthed and and and taken back from this they're being birthed from stars being consumed by stars they come from you they come from me we are we are not only the future we are this one present eternal moment wow i never thought of it that way so speaking of podcasts yes there's a new one that i'm pretty interested in okay it's funny that you should

mention great let's hear about it well it's called the underculture it's going to be on forever dog forever dog yep that's one of the little spin-off galaxies out there and and what is this podcast well all i know is that i'm going to be on it wow okay it's somebody who's in some ways a nemesis of mine his name is james adamane he's doing a podcast it's called underculture it's going to be on forever dog he asked me to be a part of it we've never met in person i've like i've showed up in camouflage at some of his stand-up shows it's pretty good pretty good until about two-thirds of the way in and then i gotta find a bathroom or he gets too dirty one the other okay well so i get too dirty down there he gets too dirty up there you know what i mean so that i don't i don't mind

the gay stuff i want to be clear about that i don't mind the gay stuff you don't mind it but when it's graphic when it's graphic it's talking about topping and bottoming right look i'm not afraid of that kind of he's not afraid of that kind of thing and i look i i i would congratulate him but i'm never there at the end of the show well uh that counts as your plug is that okay well i look i don't plug for myself anymore i've got i've got 12 000 more if you want to hear him right now i don't know that we have time a lot of them have to do with james adomian okay he's on cartoon president on showtime okay great fantastic you're doing a lot of voices he's on he's on the upcoming season of talking tom on youtube for children okay look he's gonna be at san diego comic con doing right

versus bernie coming back is there a tour coming who knows but i know he'll be there he's look he's on a he's on human discoveries debuting on youtube okay i mean facebook sorry i got that one wrong look we don't have a lot of time for these plugs i don't believe a bojack horseman but oh sure okay sure look he's on an episode of loony tune someday coming out someday i don't know how soon okay look jesse too many too many plugs um well i want to plug uh you know keep listening to comedy bang bang uh did you hear that that's all your children that's all the stars all the life forms being consumed and reconstituted and the greater and lesser life forms it's a sound that's horrific to humans it's not only a whole planet it's giant kardashev level civilizations

being ripped apart by giant orson welles unicorn robots and being reconstituted as little podcasts but they're all grateful to you scott oh my gosh wow how long have you been doing this damn thing 10 years 10 years on your planet on my planet yes he says he's been doing it 10 years they say it's an unfathomable card deck where each 52 cards is a thousand billion years of different infinite possibilities well uh keep listening and thanks for dealing the deck dealer and next week we have our 600th episode so that's exciting wow that's a little too much what do they have to say about that they don't like they're not results it's mixed results some of them say you should take a break i hate it some of them say look they're super fans don't keep

listening anything you do spawn something everything you do in this life echoes in eternity i look i i remember it fondly i remember being on the podcast fondly but there's a lot to keep you occupied inside the plug bag like what what is inside like who old friends in the plug bag well look there's there's all there's the enigma force five half of them are in here half of the enigma force five is it who look there's that's that's a lot of people yeah who else is i i'm trying to remember hi everybody it's me oh my god it's yule hauser yule hauser riding on the rings of a saturn like planet oh my god yule how have you been this is an amazing part of california's planetary desk yule how have you been i've been amazing look at this i could only imagine ring

is made of ice dust how do they make all this ice yule we miss you it's cold out here here well there he goes all right bye yule wow this is truly an amazing post oh no what happened oh there he goes he got eaten by a plug whale oh no there are predators in the plug bag speaking of predators good segue jesse i have to close up the plug bag sounds like wrap-up tones anytime my voice drops to this level it's very familiar with it look i look you think i just drop into this podcast in this universe i've i've got a wormhole out the other end of this bag i'm popping into mark barrett okay well have fun i never do that's right here okay we we do have to close up the plug bag is it i mean do you are you gonna go back in i i hate

you can close it anytime you know i'll be here and you know what if you want to have fun close it up but i'll wait right here on the other side of the membrane and i'll mash my hand into it so you can see the imprint and like spock sure like spock or like the billy in at the at the jail like anything yep any any iteration of the trope where someone on one side of a wall does the hand up to the other side of the wall sure i've got you but it's going to happen through to another dimension another dimension another dimension another dimension have you ever had have you ever well the plug bag is a parallel dimension sure have you ever had one of those little uh little boxes that has nails in it and you put your hand on it and then turn it over and

it's got the imprint of your hand oh sure yeah it's it's artwork until different fifth grader comes along and swipes it sure it'll look a little bit like that okay well uh i guess are you ready jessie i'm ready whenever you are here we go let's close up the old plug bag don't let any air in close it up your heart by you open up the bag open up the bag close your heart open up the bag close up your heart bye jessie i sort of like that new uh closing up the plug bags theme i don't know what we do with the old one that one hasn't expired yet now we have two that we use do we do we alternate them do we put them back to back i don't uh i i'm not quite sure what to do with this well we'll find

out next week i mean we have a permanent catchphrase at this point so maybe it's okay that our closing up the plug bag theme is uh impermanent uh who knows i'm not sure what we'll do until next week but uh you we'll see you next week for the uh this is very special not only are we doing the 10th anniversary episode this week the special world breaking 10 hour podcast but it's episode 599 this week so we are going to close up this hundo next week with episode 600 so that's gonna be a very special episode so i hope you'll you'll return for that and uh by the way i do want to plug uh the and speaking of plugs the uh person or band that wrote the uh plugs theme the opening up the plug bag theme uh that was i love plugs parentheses no humbugs and parentheses by big

cat music squad thanks to big cat music squad for their plug theme submission if you have a plug theme head on over to the earwolf message boards put it in the appropriate thread and you can be famous for a week and i tell you big cat music squad you have you're famous for uh one of the most incredible weeks the uh 10 hour podcast world breaking week yeah i share this world record with you big cat music squad although uh i don't mean physically uh or really uh i don't even really mean it um and we're uh coming to the end of the show here and um i have to say thanks to a few people uh first of all i want to thank all of our guests today who came by uh the response is just overwhelming i can't believe so many people uh came by to say hello and to be part of this

really means a lot to me and thanks to all of our guests over the previous 10 years uh it's such a especially 10 years ago it's such a a an odd request to receive um hey do you want to be on a podcast i mean i shudder to hear those words now let alone 10 years ago it's it was not a very common thing to request of people and so i think anyone who came by uh all of the studios we've had over the past 10 years um the radio station and the uh place right next to the dispensary where you could hear uh people rooting through the garbage cans right outside um to this beautiful studio we're in now it means a lot to to me that uh all of these comedy luminaries came by and and agreed to be on the show so thank you to them i want to thank all of our engineers over

the years uh who have who have recorded the show and made it happen from Joe Escalante engineer Joe who gave me my first big break to start the show uh to engineer Doug to Cody uh everyone who's worked here uh to those who work tirelessly on this episode uh you have uh of course uh engineer Ryan and uh the the newer engineers Jordan and Devin uh and Sam uh has has worked on this and of course engineer Brett um who is who runs the engineers here and uh he he really wanted to be a part of this so thanks to him for recording uh Devin uh uh did did the lion share of the work uh as far as i'm concerned as far as i'm concerned i got merely that's just because you're to my left right now and i uh uh want to make you feel good i'm a people pleaser as you can tell from 10 years of this show

i want to thank chef kevin who has been organizing the show and coordinating and taking the pictures as best he can and uh really uh in conversations with all of the hosting sites to try to see if we could achieve this this record-breaking 10 hour episode uh thanks to chef kevin for all of that i want to thank everyone at earwolf everyone here at earwolf uh so many great employees who passed through the halls uh uh every single day and and a lot of them uh when i suggested hey can we do this 10 hour episode uh they a lot a lot of times in show business you suggest something like this and people say like eh i don't think so ever to a to a person everyone at earwolf was excited about the idea and um really mobilized trying to make it happen so i want to thank them

i want to thank uh jeff orick who uh started earwolf with me nine years ago and uh he saw something in the show 10 years ago and became a listener and decided to uh try to uh come to me with the crazy idea of what if we launched a podcast network and and here we are so thanks to him and uh most of all i want to thank the listeners the listeners who uh make it happen every single week you know when i first started the show uh it was a radio show that i think uh a few random hundred people listened to at a time and uh we decided to podcast it and quickly saw that a few random thousand people were listening to it instead of a few hundred and it grew every week just by word of mouth and from listeners telling other people about it and and really word of

mouth is is the best way for for people to get into podcasts when all of your friends are talking about something really funny and playing it for you in the car and insisting you listen to episodes that really has has made the show what it is today and so i want to thank everyone who did that uh and everyone who's who's like i said at the at the top listen for the entire time listened for a short time have dipped in and out have you know some people come up to me and say like you've done almost 600 episodes i've listened to about 300 hey that's a great ratio i mean we've done uh thousands and thousands of hours of podcasting at this point um so thanks to all of the listeners who who made this show what it is and told all of their friends and the critics

who have who have talked about it and written articles about it uh it really means a lot to me and uh that is gonna do it for us this has been a very very special episode um but we're not done i know a lot of you think that we should be done after uh achieving something like this but uh we are gonna be back next week with the 600th episode of this show we have something special planned for that uh i think so uh we'll see you for if not another 10 at least another couple of years uh i've been scott augerman thanks so much for listening this has been comedy bang bang we'll see you next week thanks bye welcome to getting curious with jonathan vaness you guys i'm so excited to introduce you to this podcast it's been my little baby idea for a while now

this is going to be a really fun look at things that i find curious whether it's a menstrual cup it might be the romanoff family it might be fracking it could be carly the arena i don't even know who knows it's going to be whatever i think is interesting we're going to be bringing in content experts i'm going to be learning the things it's only going to take about 30 minutes for you to expand your baby brains with me and have a super fun time so i can't wait to see you on getting curious that felt real natural and cute