Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Adam Cayton-Holland, Jon Gabrus, Erin Keif, Greg Hess

Episode Date: January 25, 2024

Comedian extraordinaire Adam Cayton-Holland joins Scott and guest co-host intern Gino Lombardo to talk about his new stand-up special “Wallpaper” available on YouTube, fatherhood, and Colorado. Then, author Matilda Gravyman returns to talk about making a movie based on Scott’s life. Plus, businessman Benmont Bologna stops by to talk about his new meat flavored cologne business.

And I for an eye makes the world blind, but my I on a thigh means I'm at KFC. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Okay, could barely even get through it. Thank you to Besheba. Besheba for that catchphrase submission. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang, indeed, for another edition. My name is Scott Ochron.

We have an incredible show coming up a little later. We have an author. We also have a business person, a businessman, actually didn't wanna say it, but he is a businessman. But before we get to them, waste not want not. Let's just get to it. Why are we leaving time on the table when we have a powerhouse guest here?

Stars are back, that's right on Comedy Bang Bang and none brighter than this one. He is a stand up comedian who had that TV show that I cannot recall the title of. Those who can't. Those who can't. Oh yes, thank you. Thank you, Gino.

You're not supposed to be talking to the show. Oh yes, thank you. Thank you, Gino. You're not supposed to be talking to me. Oh sorry, sound speeds. Yeah. You're ready to read. Wait, you're having to record? No, I'm recording. Oh okay, good.

Cause I don't know what I have. I have like a fish of price laptop. By the way, ever since I've been doing this at home, you've been nowhere to be found. I can't find this fucking place. You live in the fucking mountains, bro. Look. Get back to the fucking guy from those who can't.

Enough about me. Okay, okay. All right, Gino. Just try. Just try to keep a little bit quiet here because we have a big star here on the show. You got it. Whenever you're ready, Scott. And go. OK. Five, four, three, why do you say action and go? Go, action. OK.

He had a show called Those Who Can't and that was on for, I'm going to have to guess, three years. Right for 19 seasons. 19 seasons. Yeah, it was way off. Record at the time. Yeah, I think that, well sure. Now it shows run anywhere from 20, 25. Cheers blew us out of the water.

The Simpsons blew us out of the water. But it started in, yeah, 1979 and ran two. What's that plus 19? Oh, that would be 98. 98, the year I graduated high school. And we had a great run and just a real proud of that. So you were doing it for 19 years while you were just a toddler? In the womb. In the womb.

In the womb, actually. Through high school. So, did it start at conception? It started at my... Does life start at conception? No. I always wanted to ask you. Nope. And I'm glad you came on. There's some stem cells I'd like to get sponsoring the pod, if that's cool. But he has a wonderful new special out called wallpaper. It's on YouTube. Please welcome back to the show I'm gonna say this is your fifth appearance maybe Adam Caten Holland. I am so happy to be back. Thanks for having me

I'm gonna look this up while you talk how many appearances you've made well I started appearing in 1979 in the womb I was working on those who can at the time, but I wanted to branch out because I was getting swallowed by the project. I love how long you're willing to take this beep and this bit while I take a beat. You do the bit, I'll take a beat. This is your fifth appearance. How did I get that right?

You nailed that. I didn't remember either. Five time, what are you getting? The five time club. Yeah, I mean, look, most people want to be in the one timers club because those are people like Donald Glover and Ben Stiller, who are so big they never came back.

Sure. But you're in the Five Timers Club, which is like, you're not doing that great. Is there a hat, T-shirt, anything? I'll give you a hat. I'd love a hat. I mean, it's not a branded hat of the Five Timers Club. But just a general hat.

Just a hat I don't want anymore if you want. A Virginia Slim's hat. Virginia Slim's great brand. The Lady Cigarette. Isn't it? It's good brandy. Like they should brands out now that cigarettes, no one really smokes them anymore. They should do other things.

Like Virginia Slim's vapes? Yeah, or like pants, Capri pants. Oh my God, a pair of Virginia Slim's that you only wear on the Chesapeake Bay. That's right. And the legs look like cigarettes. They have like the filter down at the bottom and all that kind of stuff.

And here's a weird sort of side, but like a little cigarette tail in the back. That's right. I don't know what that means. Like a little actual cigarette hanging off the back of the pan. Like a little tail. I thought that, I'm not a smoker, I thought cigarettes had tails. And I was like, wait, this is a new part of smoking that I haven't heard about. You didn't know about the cigarette tail?

That's the best part. I thought maybe you meant the trail of smoke. Now you smoke the cigarette down and you eat the tail. It's the whole thing. I thought maybe you meant the trail of smoke. Now you smoke the cigarette down and you eat the tail. It's the whole thing. It's the ritual of it that I miss. Oh, Adam, it's great to have you on the show. Welcome back. You're in town for just a brief, I mean, life.

It's like a scented candle, out, out, brief candle spots, you know, the immortal bard, all this kind of stuff. But you're here. What is going on, Gino? Sorry, yeah, I'm just the levels are off. I'm trying to get the laughs up, but I can't do much about it. The Luffs. The Luffs. Yes. Sorry. Whatever you want. They're playing a laugh.

Oh, yeah, I'm hearing that. Yeah. OK, got it. So all right. Well, just take it from Virginia Slims whenever you're ready. You got them. You got the last one because I was killing. No, you are. I have no issues with yours. Yours on fire. There's something going on with Scotty. It's like, turn down the rambly a little bit and turn up the loves. Turn up the loves and turn down the ramble. Okay. Yeah. Anyway, Virginia Slims. Yes. Speaking of which,

your, your special is smoking. Thank you. What was your favorite? What was your favorite? Vitt Scott. My favorite bit? I love the first one and the last one. Oh, sure. Yeah, that's by the way. Anytime there's a music issue that says, like, how'd you like my album?

What was your favorite song? First one and the last one. The way you tied it back, the connective threat. Now that's called a callback, Adam. How did you do that? Yeah, how did you know to do that? What are the names of the bits? Because this is what I like.

Because when I have stand-up comedians on, and yes, stars are back, and sometimes they're stand-up comedians who have specials, there's really nothing to talk about. No, there's nothing at all. You know what I mean? The last bit on the album is called Toxic Masculinity Podcast Circle Jerk.

And it's about the comedy bang-bangs of the world. Oh, okay. Thank you so much. My ears are burning. Yes. So we sort of break down my favorite episodes, my least favorite episodes for 13 minutes of my closing bed. Interesting, thank you so much.

Specifically about comedy bang bangs. Always nice to be part of the conversation. People loved it, they were doing flips for it. But why, look, this is the only question asked when a standup's on and they have a special, why is it called wallpaper? You can probably relate, it's about fatherhood and it's about when you become a dad,

you drift into the background of your family and you become wallpaper. Nope, I'm top of the call sheet. Okay, well. My family. I was number one when we started. My wife took number two on the call sheet and now this season, this season I've been moved to fourth.

And my parking spot changed. I got less lines. It sucks. I have a different crafty. I know it's lesser. Do you have to go into the communal bathroom now? Oh, God. We film in a house much like my house and snacks are set aside in the living room for just me.

How old are your, do you have one child or two? Two feisty boys, all American feisty boys age five and two. All Americans. Just strapping. Yeah. One's brown haired, one's and two. All Americans, just strapping. Yeah, one's brown haired, one's blonde, and it's just look at these dudes, rough house and everywhere they go. Yeah, why is one blonde and one blonde?

One's mine, one's not mine. Okay, yeah, that's what I was getting at. You have very dark brown hair. One came out of very big surprise, looked a lot like Colorado Rocky's shortstop Trevor Story at the time. And I said to him, at time he's he's gone. They dealt him out because.

OK, he was. You get two bucks like him at the time. Right. He looked like he was a rocky at the time. And that was a lot of heat between me and Trevor going on in the city. So they moved him out of town. Lot of Colorado specific humor with that's all I got. Enjoy it. Yeah. Was your show based in Colorado?

I can't remember what do you think. I look. Of course it was. Who knows? And we tricked everyone by getting t-shirts of various local businesses and putting them on the kids in the background of the shots. And everyone thought, that's Denver, if I've ever seen it. Oh, wow.

Did you film it? We filmed it at Van Nuys High School. Oh, OK. Yeah. Wonderful high school. Yeah. Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Yeah, I believe I did some other Ferns movie there.

Did you? I did. Nice. Yes. So you know the cockroaches then? Yes. Nothing that got inmont High. Yeah, I believe I did some other Ferns movie there. Did you? I did. Nice, yes. So you know the cockroaches then? Yes, nothing that got in the movie. Oh, okay. But so wallpaper, it's a family-oriented special. Is it good for the whole family?

When you say family-oriented, I wish you would move Christ to the front of that. It is a Christ-centric special. You are a religious comedian. Big time. Big time. Yeah, anti-religious, I should say. a really- You are a religious comedian. Big time. Big time. Big time. Yeah.

Anti-religious, I should say. And from Christ, all is possible, including my family. No, it made me very, I really wanted it to be you to like it even if you don't have kids. So while it is about fatherhood, I feel like, look, TikTokers can relate. Some of them come to my shows and they said, I don't have kids, but I found that funny. And that's when I thought, all right, I could do this. Okay, good. I could record this special.

What if you do have kids and don't find it funny? Then, are you shooting for that? Comedy's like music. I'm not your genre, I'm not your cup of tea. Maybe you don't like what I'm playing. And how, God, what else do I ask a standup when they have a special? How long is it?

I don't know. Runtime, glad you asked. Well, can you mind if I call the label and get the exact run time? Because I wanna get this. Let me talk to Gino for a second. Yeah, you call the label. Yeah, sorry.

I'm not sure when I'm supposed to come in. You said not at all, right? You gotta help me out here, man. Yeah, you need help in here? This is Adam's fifth time on the show. This is maybe his fifth, but he's always on because he has a special. I don't have anything to ask him about these specials. Dude, you don't have to ask him anything about the show. This is maybe his fifth, but he's always on because he has a special. I don't have anything to ask him about these specials.

Dude, you don't have to ask him anything about the special. Just say, like, when does it drop? Where can people get it? Go start plug and back off from there. Okay. Okay. I'm back. The label said it's their first three hour, 51 minute comedy special. This is longer than the Godfather part two. They're calling it the Oppenheimer of comedy specials because it's in black and white And I bomb a lot super boring I like that we both made a choice. Yeah, it's a cut yours off. That's all good. It's all good mine was only true To a special a young senator named Kennedy

Robert F. Kennedy. That's also from the end. Yeah, my favorite my you know That's my Kennedy for my money. He's my Camelot. He's part of the comedy community. So we protect him We got us back. Yeah, of course hundred percent. Where did you film this special? That's good in Denver in doubt Of course. Yeah, that's where you're if you haven't been to Denver, you're not gonna understand you're dead 70% of this really What is Denver specific? Local businesses. What are these businesses you keep talking about? Dylan Dugs, Auto Nation, Jake Jabs is on there.

Do you have to have a literative name to be in the bar? Frank Azar, the DUI attorney, there's a lot of stuff about him. So he's an attorney who's got DUIs? Well, he actually did, yes, but he gets you off because he knows his product. Because he knows his product. He knows his product. And then you go celebrate at the bar after. Great story, he actually did, yes, but he gets you off because he knows his product. Because he knows his product. And then you go celebrate at the bar after. Great story.

He's like my local towns. The DUI attorney you see on TV and he famously got drunk and drove and the cops pulled him over and he ran and hid behind bushes. Thinking that would get him off the hook somehow. But they found old Frank Azar. And when does it drop? Where do you find it? It drops on January 18th. Were you fed that?

No, no, no, I just, I'm very curious about these issues. January 18th, it is on you. Oh, so it's been, it's out already. It's out everywhere. And I mean, you probably know that from the buzz you hear on the streets. Sure, yeah, I mean, there's pre- You probably found this episode of Comedy Bang Bang

from listening to Hattie's special. Yes, reverse engineered it, 100%. I, in fact, would rather you plug Comedy Bang Bang at the end of your special. I told you, I do, for it's the closest. Wait, while we're on that topic, quick question, then I'll shut up. When you guys say circle jerk,

is everyone standing in a circle jerking themselves off, or is everyone going like one hand to the right? I've always wondered that about circle jerks. Yeah, because the way I grew up doing it was you go to the guy to your right, because most of us were righties. That bow is bowing the left. And it's sort of like, you know,

down to Naby where at some point someone says, turn and then you go to the left. Yes. Ours is more free wheeling. It's a give a penny, take a penny type of scenario. Oh, okay, I love that. If you have one and no one's taking it. Gap tap.

Yep. You need this more than I do. What is that type of attitude? Interesting, great, great question. Thank you. If you have one and no one's taking it. Gaptap. Yep. You need this more than I do. What is that type of attitude? Interesting, great question. Thank you. Got you. Okay, now you're gonna be quiet. It's on the YouTube.

And now starting now, I'll be quiet. I'm really confused as to when I'm supposed to talk or not. I know it's never, but I also flew here from Long Island. I know, it's been, you've been on the show now for, we've been on for almost 15 years and you've been on the show probably 10 of those. 11 of those. Yeah, 10 or 11 of those, yes.

Yeah, I got an 11 year hat. You gave me a cool hat. I got a Virginia slim. Oh, is that what you got there from him? It looks great on you. But now I'm confused about when you're supposed to talk. Same here, dude. I should have just asked one question

before we started rolling. Because I used to think it shouldn't be at all, and now I'm thinking like, why isn't he chiming in more? I know, I know. I'm in a fucking complex situation. I'm stuck between a rack and a hard place. I mean, a rock and a hard place. I don't know who's hosting the pot,

so I wanna sort of kiss-ass over here to Scott, but now I feel like you're sort of carrying more of the weight. Oh, kiss Scott's ass, trust me. It'll get you places. Yeah, Adam, and for the listeners who may be new to the show, this is Geno, my intern. Have you never met Gino before? Never met Gino before and I'm in my five appearances. Yeah, it's an honor. No, I don't always do and I've done maybe 15 episodes out of the thousand that you've done. Yeah, but you're doing it for college credit. I am getting that so community college credits. I'm a

radio major, which they transferred to podcast credits in the year 2011. So I'm still hustling over there, you know, learning audio engineering. And Scott, you know, doesn't have room in the budget to pay me. So I'm still ripping off. There's not a wiggle room in that budget. Yeah. You know, I've got 11 minors so far, but no associates degree from NC square. But I'm making a lot of people back home proud when they get to hear my voice out.

Eleven Miners sounds like Chris Delyer. Oh. Delia? How do you pronounce this? Delia. Oh yeah, let's get his name right. He deserves that. Oh wait, I need plausible deniability though, I said Delia.

I got, I want to do it. Eleven Miners, what is this? Chile? I'm sorry, I'm here for that. Um, but yeah, anyway, Gino is my, Gino is my intern and when are you graduating? Oh dude, I have no fucking clue. I'm actually, I think at this point I might technically need to talk to a therapist or something because I think I'm purposely putting some blockages in front of me graduating.

Yeah, I'm almost positive. I just don't know what I want to do in life and I'm waiting for the podcast bubble to burst and then shift my major. Oh, it's burst. Oh yeah, no, no, no, I'm almost positive I just don't know what I want to do in life and I'm waiting for the podcast bubble to burst and then shift my major. Oh it's burst. Oh yeah, no, no, I'm aware. I've got fucking, I'm up to my neck in athletic greens. Yeah, once Obama got in the game. With Frosty. This dude, that was a diversity hire if I've ever seen one.

I'm talking about the president part. Podcasts for everybody. Worse, worse, worse. Oh, okay, okay, sorry, sorry. Worse. Let's get back to Adam. Adam, what else are you working on? Well, here's a question for you.

Do you get the opposite of altitude sickness when you're down at a low sea level? Do you feel extra powerful? Do you get the bends? I'm a superhero at sea level. I can drink harder. I can run faster. I can jump higher than anyone who trains at this altitude. It's like taking off like a weighted vest and you're now you're fucking ready to rip. Believe it. Because one time I went to Denver and I fainted on the flight.

Really? The flight took you out? Yeah. If I was like, I hope Denver is not this high. They're like, well, it's definitely lower than this. We're going to land. This is a layover in Las Vegas. We're not going up to land. I got vertigo. I was watching vertigo and got vertigo.

Oh, really? Oh, that's the worst happy guy. Secondhand vertigo technically. Because you don't know you have it when you're watching vertigo. No, I was watching on someone else's screen. Yeah, and you're like, oh, this is a weird feeling. And then you land and you're like, oh, wait. That was Vertigo. Yeah. Interesting.

Were you listening to Vertigo as well or was it the other? Is that the U2 album? Yeah. I think you might have confused me from the guy from TORQ. I don't want to talk to you about U2. Sorry. I'd love to talk to you about U2 sometime, Gino. Do you want to take over the show? Adam's gone. Is he gone? Yeah, he's in New York. Had to go, had another podcast. Is he gone? Yeah, he's in New York had to go had another podcast by guy

Oh that Adam I'm here. I'm here. We're a separate conversation about a different Adam. Oh, I'm sorry Adam is recording another podcast just across the world Holy shit when Mark Marin that's fucking red. We switch mid podcast I would love to switch guests with Mark Marin mid podcast. That'd be a big one You just randomly have your Michael Mann sit down. Yeah, he gets everybody. He takes it to the last question. I left off here.

What's up with these weird accents in Ferrari? Ferrari. So yeah, what should I ask you about? You know, the two boys, the two boys is the main narrative for me. That's what's going on with you now. I got two boys, I'm doing jokes, I'm writing movies, I'm doing all of it, but I'm happily being a father.

Which movies are you writing? Well, I wrote a movie and then we're going to make it. I can't really talk about it yet. Oh, incredible! It sounds like a sixth episode idea if you ask me. It's called Ferrari 2. Ferrari 2. Yeah.

Finally. Where the eyes in Ferrari just adds one. Yeah, exactly. No, it's Ferrari 2. Ferrari. finally. Were the eyes in Ferrari just adds one? Yeah, exactly. No, it's Ferrari 2. Ferrari? T.U. with an accent. I wrote a movie called Ford 5. Ferrari, but everyone keeps thinking it's Ford V.

Ferrari. And it's not. No, it's not. It's not. It's the fifth movie in the Fordiverse. Yeah, thank you. Welcome. Yeah. The Gerald Fordiverse.

Yes, exactly. Oh my God. That's my president is biopic seriously You know, I mean he was how long was he there? He was there two and a half three years was he only there two and a half Yeah, what happened to that guy? I kind of woke up politically around the time of Obama got it Gerald Ford got real active in politics and anti-legislative branch. Interesting. Anti-executive branch, rather. Ford had to clean up Nixon's mess, but he was too busy falling down stairs on the tarmac to get anything done.

Oh yeah, yeah, that was Chevy Chase, right? Yeah, they called him a real clumsy guy. Right. Man, imagine the good old days when the worst thing about your president was that he's a little clumsy and not sundowning live. Well Jerry Ford was also a great football player, but it was the Leather Helmets era. So I honestly think that's my...

Ooh, the George Clooney era. That guy didn't turn it. The George Clooney era. That was dangerous. Ridiron football. Absolutely. Bad. When he played with all the All 11 Oceans guys, they had Scott Kahn play wide receiver

just like he did when he was Twitter in Vasity Blues Scott Khan who I saw at the Burbank subway once what that's right off the kids menu he's a short man hey if we're named if we're named dropping celebrities I literally just saw Moby by French a loaf of French bread really I mean in he was next to one or he actually purchased one he purchased one wow He looked dapper. He was great in a pea coat. He bought a loaf of French bread right in front of me. I used to see him when I would go hiking. He had a particular house and I saw him clearing his desk deck chairs off of his porch. Like, Moby does that himself? Yeah, can you imagine? That guy keeps it real.

I think he's too busy just pressing play. No. Was he with Natalie Portman? Nope. Just him alone and a loaf of friends, but he was telling people he was He was putting it out there that he was with Natalie Portman and then no one's doing the math on what year He's talking about how old she might have been a movie. We love him. He's a great, you know Natalie Portman's along Island Broad Oh, I had no idea Natalie Herschelog. I hope she's okay with me. Doc's in a real name. Oh, okay I she's lost the accent. Oh yeah, she got rid of it early on when she was in Naboo. Naboo? Naboo? Oh, Naboo. Oh, wait.

Is that from Phantom Menace? Or was that accidentally racist? You tell me. Hey, it's one or the other. When it comes to George Lucas, it's usually both. Yeah. This is my favorite drinking game. Well, Adam, you're obviously one of America's,

and nay, the world's great comedians, and wallpaper is out now, it's on YouTube. We have to take a break if that's okay. That's fine. Can you stick around? I sure can. Let me check with Mark Merrick. Okay, yeah, when do you have to be there? He says, yeah, he says finish up with Scotty. Okay, great.

Make sure he doesn't lock the gates before you get there. You wanna get in there, but coming up a little later, we have an author, we also have a businessman. Very exciting stuff. Very exciting. And Gina, are you sticking around? I have no idea whether or not you're doing it. Well, someone's got a roll ads.

Okay, wait, you haven't queued up? Yep. What ads do I do this week? This week, it's Athletic Greens, it's the mattress that's like hexa or something like that. Oh, yeah, the one that's excited. Yeah, the six-sided mattress, the shack mattress. And then some of them are just,

you're doing a Virginia Slim's ad for kids cigarettes because they're bringing those back. And then you're doing a mango, jewel branded. Oh, this is a Kris Katan branded? Yes, that mango. Jewel? Yeah, mango jewel. It's not flavored like mango at all.

It's actually part of the thing you have to explain in the, you'll read that. Okay, I'll read it all once I get it, but. I sent it to your rumble account. Okay, thank you so much. Yeah, send it to my, well, what is it? What's the other one? Truth social account review.

Yeah, just DM it to my truth social. Okay, we have to take a break. When we come back, we're gonna have more with Adam, Kate and Holland. We're gonna have more Gino, plus an author and a businessman. We'll be right back with more comedy, bang, Kate, and Holland. We're gonna have more Gino, plus an author and a businessman. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. And roll ads. ["Snowball"]

Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Sound speeds, ads, cut ads, roll. Scott, we're ready, Scott. Take it from here. Remember? Take it from here. And remember, Adam is the comedian wallpaper. Comedian? he's comedian wallpaper.

He's the comedian with the album wallpaper. Oh, with the album wallpaper. Okay, got me. I appreciate it, but I was gonna get to that. I had that coming. No, I'm sorry. I wanna make sure he knows. I knew it too, right? I mean, don't help me in front of Adam.

All right. Hey, Adam, Kate and Holland is here. He's a comedian wallpaper. That's right. Yeah. I am wallpaper. I am comedian here. He's a comedian wallpaper. That's right. Yeah, I am wallpaper I am comedian wallpaper. You are comedian wallpaper. Yes You're setting yourself up for sort of like a spinal tap negative review if you name your album wallpaper a little bit You're daring them. You're saying come on come for me. That's how much I believe in this product Oh, it is bulletproof. I dare you to review this. Bulletproof wallpaper. Bulletproof wallpaper. I've shot at it myself.

Honestly, it's time to fucking develop that for schools here in America. Thank you, and I'm glad you got that. Sorry, all you guys have kids. I fire blanks, so I'm okay with them making jokes like that. In schools. Yeah, I only fire blanks. That's why everyone gets mad at me, but you know... I'm not actually doing it. I'm not shooting up this school. They're blanks. No, you're masturbating in schools. Yeah, of course. But there's no sperm in my cunt. Right, okay, so is it masturbating? Yeah, yeah.

So is it even masturbating? A lot of questions. Hey, it's a podcast. We're talking about masturbating. Hey, toxic masculinity circle drug. Here we go. It took us too long. It's the second act.

It was also the name of my first Harold team. Savin' it for B-Block. We gotta get to our next guest. She's an author. Please welcome back to the show Matilda Graveman. Hello, Scott. Hi. Thank you so much. Do you remember me? We gotta get to our next guest. She's an author, please welcome back to the show Matilda Graveman. Hello Scott, thank you so much. Do you remember me?

Sort of, what exactly, where did we? I wrote your unauthorized biography. I did it my way, the life and times of Skip Anchorman, redacted, the life and times of Scott Ockerman. And then redacted, and then I said it right. Why redacted the life and times of Scott. Scott Hockerman, you know, and then redacted. And then I said it right the third time. Why redacted instead of just correcting it? Because it's easier, it's less money at the printer.

Oh, just put a black bar or something. Okay, yeah, you wrote my unauthorized biography. That's right, you were on the show a little while back and I don't remember that particular detail. By the way, this is Gino, this is Adam. Hello, hello, hello. This is Matilda Graveman. And how did the book do, if you don't mind me asking?

It went okay, and I'm here with some exciting news about the book. Okay, oh, this is great, okay. Scaluchies. Yeah, the strike is over. That's the exciting news about the book. Well, that's part one. I heard about this maybe three months ago.

Great job on that. Hopefully some middle-ing comedians can get back on health insurance. And back on comedy bang-bang. I mean, baby. My ears are ringing. I sold your life rights to Big Disney and it's being turned into a biopic, Scott.

Oh, my, it's my life into a biopic Scott. Oh My yeah, I did it. I don't know that you were able to do that. I My life is still going on too Well, I think she now has the rights to that or a big Disney has the rights to the rest of your life as well Kind of can steer it in any direction Quick question. Do you have a Scott yet? Can I audition? That was part of the thing. I was gonna offer Scott a chance to audition, but I think- Scott's pretty busy.

Yeah. Shocktail too, still getting cranked out over there. Hey, we finished that script long ago. They just did one. Just waiting to get back. Scott, my hesitation is that, is you pulling off young Scott? Oh, you think it would be like Richard Dreyfus

and Mr. Holland's Opus where he walks in the room and I see him immediately going, oh, here's a 40 year old man, and he's supposed to be 20? Exactly, I'm a little bit concerned for that. I don't know if you could pull off a young Scott. Well, try me, I mean, I have a sort of youthful joie de vivre.

Great, let me give you a line. I can slap whatever waiter I want. I Don't I don't remember this from my life. It's this sounds like Scott Just from the book of the screenplay because it's popping off the page either way. I don't I when did I say I love slapping waiters I can slap whatever waiter I want. I've never slept. I was I was a waiter. Why would I slap waiters? That's not what the book says. What's the book say? Says that you slap waiters, Scott. Okay, well, I want the part, but I,

maybe after I get the part, I can talk to the screenwriter about this, but okay. Well, I'm the screenwriter. Oh, congratulations. Thank you. Well, okay, I'll talk to the director then. Well. Oh no.

You're directing it too? I'm also the director and I'll tell you why. I blackmailed the producer. Oh, and you're not the producer? No, not the producer. Big Disney's producing it. Big Disney, how did you blackmail the producer? Well, I saw him run over his dog

and then replace it without telling his wife. You saw the entirety of that transaction? Well, don't tell him, but I put it a little doxin behind his car and then the dominoes right into life. Did he replace a dog you put there or was his dog that you placed there? It was his dog that I allegedly maybe placed there. You just told us. You did.

Allegedly maybe. Allegedly maybe. And then he didn't tell his wife because she would be devastated. there and then you just say you did allegedly maybe allegedly maybe and then he didn't tell his wife because she would be devastated and so I wrote a little letter told him what I know and now I'm directing the picture okay well you're a big Disney I know what you did last time congratulations what are you waiting for I can only imagine this is more exciting than anything that would be in my autobiography.

I mean, nothing's happened to me. Juan, what do you mean? It's more than just putting up with improvisers, Scott. So much has happened. That would be 99% of my day. Well, I will be honest, it's a little dry. So a good news is that we have a pretty big budget, but we do have to use all the costumes

and set from the Elvis movie Oh The Bas Lerman one or the one about Mrs. Elvis Bas Lerman the Bas Lerman Okay, that's good. That's a lavish set. There's a lot of options. Does the Scott character have to wear the Colonel Tom Parker? Well not until he gets to be like 40 year old Played by 60 year old Scott. Oh, okay. You guys are the eldest plastic kids. Played by 60 year old Scott. Exactly.

Hey, come on. No, I mean, in the future, it's gonna take a while to film, I suppose. Yeah, sure, but not that long. One and a half years. Not 25 years, come on guys. Wait, you're not, you're mid 60s? Hey, come on.

Mid to late 60s, sorry. Well, give me a chance at this, but how do we spruce up this story? Cause I don't want the film to bomb necessarily, but I want it to be accurate. Right, popular biopics out now, usually are like about musicians, like Rocket Man. Do you have any-

That's a popular biopic out now? Yeah, when are we recording this? I just threw my calendar in the garbage bags. 2018, right? It's 2018. Oh man, you got plenty of time to gear up to wait for Adam's special now. If that's the case, I'd like to plug my old special

from 2018 if that's okay. Yeah, please. It's still out there. Scott, have you written any songs, please say yes. I could write a song. Yeah, could you try? Yeah, sure. And one man to five and here we go.

Could you give me a subject matter at least? Like it's an improv show? You! Me? Yeah. I mean, I guess about my life, something akin to like a real bold statement at the end, like a my way type of thing.

Oh wait, what was this called by the way? I did it my way. Okay, see already, you have a song right there. I don't need to write one. We can't get the right. You can buy them. We use the budget trying to hire Tom Hanks to play his role from nowhere. Just trying to hire him? Cost money? Yeah, it took us $50,000 just to get his email.

Oh no, he was pair play on the email. He's probably just T. Hanks had Gmail. Something you don't know about a lot of celebrities. Thanks in Gmail. Oh man, that's even fucking better. Can you try emailing him on your Fisher Price laptop that you have? Oh man, that's even fucking better. Can you try emailing him on your Fisher Price laptop that you have? Oh yeah, sure, that shouldn't be a problem. Yeah, what's going on? Cow goes, move. All right, set.

How does it move? Cow, oh yeah, the cow says move. Move, bitch, get out. It's Ludacows. Oh dear. Chris Ludacris bridges. Maybe we could spitball some scenes we could have here. Yeah, maybe.

I mean, Adam, he's got a movie coming out. We gotta do the coming out scene. We come out to your parents as a fucking dork. I think they knew that actually. But we could, yeah, I mean, we can write anything, right? Adam's an experienced screenwriter. What about a scene where you're hunting with your father as an impressionable young man?

I love it. We never did that, but sure. I'll, I'll. He's a very alpha type guy. You've felled the deer, but the deer is not dead. Oh, yeah. And he wants you to kill it in front of him to show that you are a man. Oh, okay.

However, you're not perceiving manhood as that at this point, and you decide not to do it. And it is the split between you and your father. I love this. Can the deer be dressed as Elvis? Yes. Great, then I'm in. Okay, I mean, I've never seen a deer wearing sideburns, but this sounds good.

I mean, yeah, you like it? Can you add this? I love it. And Scott, I mean, this kind of drama, this kind of like disturbing energy is sort of what I'm going for, for the whole the energy of the whole thing Why I mean I've had a fairly anodine life uneventful. I just failed upwards The dream I recently watched that new movie wolf of Wall Street

And the sort of like life of crime being being despicable. It's really hot right now. So just what are all the worst things you've ever done? Jordan Balfour also a Long Island guy. Oh, what's his real last name? I don't know, but it's probably either Jewish or an Italian. Is he still with us? I don't believe he is. No, no, poor guy, poor soul left us too early. No, I'm not, look, I got tricked into doing this down at the celebrity center.

I'm not going to tell you all the worst things I've ever done. All right. Well, I'll have to keep digging or make them up. I gave all the worst, I list of all the worst shit I ever did to my volleyball coach who taught me night volleyball, Keith Reneary. We call them Vanguard. Interesting. And night volleyball different than day volleyball.

How? It's indoors and it's played by mostly weird people with brands occasionally you mistake the moon for the ball yeah and that's called a more a did you have to kiss Keith Reneary on the lips yeah you didn't have to but we got to were their teams entirely of vampires there was a vampire team versus a normal team made up captained by the chick from small world smallville oh wow small world small you know Small girl from Smallville. But I recognize her from something else. Small World, huh?

Uh-huh. Can I tell you my favorite part about Keith Reneary? Oh, please. We have a Keith Reneary fan. And I have a lot. And I believe this has come up before. I have a lot of favorite parts. With the different guests.

I love that to make himself not seem like too crazy of a cult leader, he'll also kiss the men on the lips, but he's so small and he looks so humiliated every time he has to kiss any of the men on the lips, and it makes me laugh every time. He has to do a little like, come down here. Down here, please. Come down to Van Gogh. I'm not weird. I'm not just kissing the ladies. I kiss the tall men, too. I'm in the Guinness Book of World Records for having the highest IQ, something everyone remembers from the Guinness Book of World Records.

But I love that guy. Gotta talk to Fred Guinness about this, by the way. Try to get him to audition to play you. Fred Guinness? No, hope hope, Keith Reneary, because I've heard of Fred's obviously. Either one's a get. Fred Guinness would rather get that

Fred Garrett play me, I would imagine, but he's a huge Fred Garrett fan. Anyway, you don't know any of this. Who is your, who isn't a Fred Garrett fan? I mean, all of Las Vegas' is. Look, I want the part, I want the movie to come out, but I don't want something that I'm embarrassed by afterwards, you know?

Don't worry, we're gonna find an actor that's just your height. Okay. Five one, five two. I'm good foot taller than that, I think. I think you're even taller than that. Yeah. I think you're like six three, Scott.

Yeah, I think so. I mean, of course, I'm looking at your hinge profile right here and it says 6'3. But you know, a lot of people juice those stats, like high school football. Don't tell cool about that one. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. His celebrity net worth says 6'4.

It's always bigger than what- 6,400 dollars. That's about it. The bubble has burst. It's funny that you bring up Brad Garrett because I was at MGM Grand at the Brad Garrett comedy lounge. That's where I know him from. It's the only place I perform.

Is this where you saw Chris Angel or was that a different guest? Yes, that was a different place. That was someone else. I've been going to Vegas a lot lately, I guess. It's the dream. So I was listening to comedians, even if anyone had sort of a Scott Ackerman vibe to them. And no luck.

Oh, you went to comedians for that. Interesting. Okay, yeah. Now my first guess, I would have went to a funeral and picked someone that was horizontal. But everyone is horizontal, technically, but they're just right side up. Oh, yeah. I guess we put a level on the top of their heads.

Any actors you really don't want playing you or anyone that you'd really love for us to get, you are a loved one. OK, don't confuse these columns, OK? My handwriting is bad. I can't make any problems. OK, the ones I don't want you to get, Kevin Spacey, Jonathan Majors. Okay, well, they're begging to play you, so it's gonna be hard. If it's a go movie, okay.

Spacey is talented. So it looks... They got it! Good, have you seen K-Packs? What if he plays his character from House of Cards as you? I would expect it. You want to let him be Frank? Yeah, let him be Frank.

Oh God, horrible. It must be Christmas because Frank's back, baby. Yes, exactly. He was with Tucker this year. Ah, yes, my manager. Tucker Carlson is your manager? I'm trying to get him, but the guy won't sign me. He doesn't have the juice anymore.

Ah, yeah. You were hip-pocketed by him. I was hip-pocketed by early on because, you know, I was doing bowtie shit and kind of like touching the live wire right wing podcasting, which we know is super lucrative. It actually is. Well, this all sounds great. Is there anything else you can tell me about the project here? Can I audition for a character?

Yeah, what character? Can I play the kid that was Scott's friend but Scott betrays and he kills himself and it kind of inspires Scott to get into musical theater. Who kills what and it inspires who? I want to play your friend from high school that you kind of like betray and he kills himself. Oh, he kills himself. Yeah, yeah, I want to play that character. I've always wanted to commit suicide on camera. Oh, I mean, pretend in a movie. to commit suicide on camera. I mean, in a movie. So show me what you got. All right, hold on. Mime it, blue. Now, okay, I'm gonna mime it and shoot blanks. Well, if I'm if I'm gonna choke myself, I'm

that's I don't have a choice. I'm shooting blanks. Is it not that kind of show, Sky? I don't know anymore. Honestly, you've been on the show 11 years. I have no idea what kind of show it is. Me either. I've been fucking listening before I joined. I joined. I still don't know what kind of fucking show it is. I take it all back.

I'd rather not see that. Fair enough. That's okay. Scott, can I ask a huge favor? Sure. A couple things. One for you. You can't say that.

Get one for the huge favor. Get a fort in the door, baby, man. And I say yes. Do you think- Then you- Okay, what are the two- One, can I borrow some money? How much?

$20,000. 20,000, that's a lot of money. She needs to email Meg Ryan. Yeah, I do. I'm dying to have Meg Ryan be like a PA or something on the set. So I can ask her about you've got mail. That's the only reason, okay. And then the other thing, and I hate to ask this. be like a PA or something on the set so I can ask her about you've got mail.

And then the other thing, and I hate to ask this, can you die in an interesting way and soon? Soon? I mean, I'll try to do it in an interesting way. You're in your 70s. I mean, please. I don't think, what's an interesting way to you? Like what'll really juice up the screenplay? Hot air balloon. Doing what though? Like crashing or like it landing on my head and me saying ow in concussion? What about being crushed in between two potted plants?

Between two ferns you mean? Yeah, I mean the headlines right itself. That might get you some juice, people might go see the movie. Yeah. Could get a re-release, like a rep screening. You could play it fucking, you could play it the new Bev. May I speak in my language?

I like this. May I pitch for the sake of sequel? Of course. That the hot air balloon does not crash, but it does get lost. It disappears. Oh yeah. And the ending is sort of, he's gone.

We can't find Scott. You're hired. Presumed dead. Presumed dead. The Scott Ockerman story. He did it his way. Yeaherman story. He did it his way Yeah, parentheses. That's the last line Adam Scott sees your balloon float away. Well, he did it his way

I'm just trying to think of who your friends might be who plays Adam Oh, you play I've played him already in this podcast. Oh, that's right, yeah. Yeah. All right, well. Sequel pending box office returns in parentheses. I'll see about the money. I'll try to die, I guess, soon. I mean, you know, I don't know. And if the movie goes well,

then we can write a musical on that, then we can write a movie based on that musical, and then I can turn it back into a book. Okay, yeah, this all sounds like a great plan. I'll be back a lot. I'm trying to get back on the show. I don turn it back into a book. Okay, yeah, this all sounds like a great plan. I'll be back a lot. I'm trying to get back on the show. I don't remember you the first time. But look, we have to take a break if that's okay.

When we come back, we have a businessman. Q break? Yeah, Q the break because who do I have this time? What? Who are your ads this time? Yeah, who are my ads this time? You are, your ads are fun. They're mostly for other CBB world shows.

It's again, it's a sad week. Yeah, what is going on? It's all promo in-house. In-house promos, you know? Q1 is always slow, right? Q1 is always slow. At least that's what everyone keeps telling me. And it doesn't matter what queue.

They're all slow. They're all slow. The only one that's not slow these days is QAnon. That's right. They take it off. We'll talk about that a little bit after the break. During the break. We're gonna come right back and during, yeah.

We're gonna come right back. We're gonna have more with Matilda Graveman. We'll have more with Adam, Kate and Holland and more Gino. Plus a businessman will be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Roll ads. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, comedy bang bang, we're back.

We have Adam, Kate and Holland wallpaper out on YouTube now. Does that like, does it start with an ad like a 30 second Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum- lifting your bathroom or just a child's bedroom. Why not try wallpaper? Or just a child's bedroom, just one of your children. And that's why your next special is gonna be called Raytheon. Right, exactly. Make the big bucks. Interesting. Yeah, just a general ad for wallpaper. That's Gino, by the way, Gino Lombardo.

Correct. From Long Island. Oh, you got it right. I know everything about you. It's about fucking time, yeah. I mean, Adam's been on here five times in your flounder, and I've been on here 60 times, and you just got my last name right that's right and where you're from All the stops Long Island the home of George Santos Santos Seinfeld and Eddie Murphy the big three

We also have Matilda gravy man speaking of the big three here My name right if we're gonna to do this biopay. We'll see. Okay. And we need to get to our next guest. He is a businessman. Please welcome to the show for the first time, Benmont Bologna. Hello Scott, thanks for having me on. Hi, it's my pleasure. This is Matilda to your right, your immediate right. That's for a magic. And we have Gino over here too. At sort of, I would guess you're two. Oh right, that's hope of bow is okay. Okay, thank you. Like, were you just overseas back in the day? I did, I did a little time overseas. I was in a prison.

You were in a prison? What happened? You can't, I don't know. You're not supposed to have tattoos and then dive into like the different spas that they have there. Yeah, right. Yeah, they accuse me of being Yakuza. Talk to me after the show. There's a lot of countries you can't be expedited from.

Oh, thank you. How do you know, by the way, this is Adam. Adam, how do you know this about the expediting way? That's my wider, wider days. You can't be sped up. I don't think you can get much wider than these days, your body. These are the white days. There's a few countries you can't be expedited from, sped up. I don't think you can get much wider than these days, your body. These are the white days. There's a few countries you can't be expedited from,

sped up. There's also a few countries you can't be extradited from. Extradited, that's what I'm trying to say, yes. How do you know so much about this? Scott, when you're in business, when you're in international business, you have to think about all the facets. Okay, that makes sense.

So you're a businessman, not a business man. Yes. Well, you could say entrepreneur. We don't have entrepreneurs on the show. Oh, okay. Well, then I'm a businessman. Okay, great. So what kind of business are you in, if you don't mind me asking? I hope you don't because you're on a talk show and I need to. I don't mind Scott because I've been in and out of business for a lot of years. Let's see. First thing, I really hit the scene with a business in the dot com boom, it's called emailable chocolate. Emailable chocolate?

Emailable chocolate. That sounds like some really... Do you remember you've got chocolate? Do I remember it? The catchphrase? You've got chocolate. I remember you've got mail, is that... Right, that was a parody of that.

That was a spin on it. A spin, yeah. So you would get an email and it would say, you've got chocolate. And then what? And you would get chocolate delivered to wherever that email was sent Okay, so this is just a chocolate delivery. It was a chocolate delivery service that we spun off Spun off wait. Well that became 1 800 flowers one. Oh, sorry that can become 1 900 flowers the pit

Oh, oh, oh, oh with the one you called in to talk to virgins. Yeah That's right. That was really popular, you know, Jeff Epstein, I'm buying that one. Oh, what happened? Whatever happened to him. That's why you can't have entrepreneurs on anymore ever since you had Jeff on. It was a bummer.

And then, yeah, you know, and then early in the 2000s, I did Wine of Mine. Wine of Mine? Wine of Mine. That was the machine that you put, you buy the machine and you put the grapes in it and it makes grapes, you make grape wine on your countertop. Okay, so it's sort of like that Wine of mine, that was the machine that you put, you buy the machine and you put the grapes in it and it makes grapes, you make grape wine on your countertop.

Okay, so it's sort of like that video of the lady stomping the grapes going, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. That sounds, she gets me hot. Yeah, in machine form, yeah. And, you know, RIP to her too as well. Oh, was she, oh. She passed.

From that video? You know, it was overshadowed by the Epstein thing. It was same day. Same, oh. Same, absolutely. It was same day. Same old. Same, absolutely. The same moment. The same moment. It wasn't from Stompy Grapes, but yeah, it was from complications from Stompy Grapes

12 years prior, and then she's gone. Oh my God, that was so tough. You got to be careful. And then I'm working on a new business now. It's Benmont Bolognese Meat Flavored Cologne. Benmont Bolognese Meat Flavored Cologne. Yes. So this is cologne? I'm in. It's cologne. Ben Mott Bologna's meat flavored cologne. Yes. So this is cologne?

It's cologne. Well, this is exactly what I'm talking about, Scott. Did you hear the response to that? Yeah, I'm on board. A certain type of person. Yeah, certain times. I mean, I drink a bottle of cool water in seventh grade. So I think I know a thing or two about flavored cologne.

Who doesn't like meat flavored cologne? Who wouldn't like meat flavored cologne? Who wouldn't like the smell of meat? Vegans. These are two separate questions. That's one. Who else? Me? Okay, that's two.

Who else? Butchers looking to escape their day job. Butchers, and that's it. Everybody else? Everyone else loves it. Everyone else loves it. I'm gonna say it smelled like a slaughterhouse when you walked in there.

Thank you. Yeah, that's our prosciutto model. We have models of quorum. It's our prosciutto model and it's going gangbusters, Scott. What do you mean when you say that? Like you're the gang and people are busting you? That's right. I've been hunted now by several international gangs because what happens was, Scott, we were getting the meat from Guatemala. Why? You gotta.

Well, labor's cheap. You gotta. Meats cheap. You gotta. Labor's cheap, meat's cheap. Everything's cheap. Everything's cheap. And well, when you come into contact with who runs those organizations down there, they

will hunt you like a dog, Scott. They will hunt you across land and sea, and that's why I've been expedited out of countries, and I've been extradited out of countries. Are people hunting dogs these days? People are using dogs to hunt. Well, that's why we use Guatemala as well. You can get any flavor of meat you want down there.

Any flavor. Any flavor. Okay, when you say flavor, you mean dog. I mean dog. Okay. And what do you think Pursuitos made of, Scott? I thought ham, but... That's what you thought. Dogs are smarter than pigs. I'm gonna ask a question about your product.

Absolutely. It's flavor, so you are drinking the Cologne. You don't apply it to yourself. You can drink it. Yeah, you can drink or, well, this is the thing. You have to... Does it smell like meat? That's the other thing.

It smells like meat. It definitely smells like meat. Yeah, it tastes like meat as well. It tastes like meat as well. It's like the Jessica Simpson perfume from 2003 that you could also eat. Well, she's our spokesperson. Oh my God.

Wow, you got her? You got her? We brought her out. Yeah, we brought her back. God, I missed her so much. I did too, and we're dating. I'm glad she's doing better. She's doing great.

To answer your question, Adam, and I don't like to talk down to comedians. Yes, sir. No, sure, of course. Who does? Who does? You know, the thing about business is you create a problem, you disrupt the market, and then you sell before it blows up. Right, the Vivek Ramaswamy. You're not in it to like improve anyone's lives or change the game in any way. You're in it

for a fucking, what do they call them? A crash and bash? A fucking run? Well, that's what we had at Epstein's, but... Both of those things. The crash and bash was where we rip around the island on these little go-karts. I always wanted to go to the island to see that painting of Bill Clinton in the Monica's blue dress that he allegedly had up on the wall. I just wanted to see the painting. Actually, it's nice.

That's why I was there. Okay, just look up for the painting. If it were in MoMA, I'd go there. You know what, Gino? That's not actually what the painting looks like. It's actually Bill Clinton on the, the dress looks like a bear skin rug. He's laying naked on top of it.

Oh, man. See, this is why I gotta go there. It's gorgeous. Wow. Gorgeous painting. My old physics professor, Stephen, he's always said he wanted to take me there. I think that's what he was saying.

It was hard to hear. He wanted to take you to the island? Yeah. Sure. You would love it there. Oh, yes. Your old physics professor. He had a theory of everything.

At community college. Yeah, he taught at Nessau community college. Not a lot of people know that. Only you. After he cheated on his wife, they fucking scooted him across the country. They omitted that from the biopic. Everything's relative, Vitty. So Benmont Bologna, why don't you just sell Bologna? Instead of Cologne, making Cologne, you know, rhyme with baloney.

I don't get it, Scott. I don't understand. Well, no, I mean, just like, I guess you're not disrupting anything in the sense of it's a bad idea. I'm just saying like, well, you could sell baloney, your name is Baloney. Well, what's the problem, Scott?

And what are you disrupting? Well, that's my question for you about your cologne. Okay. What's the problem? And what is it that you're disrupting? Cologne smell too good? Well, for you, who? The problem is this.

Cologne. I'm on point. Okay, well come in. You're right. I didn't say that. I'm throwing money at him. He's amazing. Just throwing wants and his direction.

Listen to him, break it down. This is where you have to think like an entrepreneur, or I'm sorry, a businessman, and a lot of people don't. You think Cologne, Cologne, Cologne, no one's done anything new with Cologne for years. And so then we've entered the market, we've penetrated, and we've absolutely changed the game when it comes to what we even think of as cologne.

Is it something you can drink? Now it is. Does it have to be liquid? It's not liquid. It's it's just purely meat. It's a stick. It's a it's a stick. It's a meat stick.

This is what. Oh, this is it. Oh, wow. Oh, it looks like roll on deodorant. Yeah, but and it's kind of you know Smells like Gabba ghoul. Yeah, it's as long and cylindrical snap into it eight inches long snap right in but it's a case in glass That's alone. So I think you are so it's like it looks like a slim Jim It's encased in glass. So you meet the low with the high the blue This is the glass.

That's glass? That's noisy glass. Well, okay, we have to cut some costs somewhere. I mean, you say it's glass, but yes, this is plastic. Who gives a shit? Belmont, can I ask you a question? All those barking dogs that are clawing at the door,

is that because of you and your smell? No, it's her mind. That's a pack of Westies follows me wherever I go. Why do they do that? They're there. Wait, are they dogs hunting you like a dog? This is why. Where's the simile? Who's the predicate when you say like a dog? Like a they're hunting me like a dog. Like if they are dogs, are they hunting the way you would hunt odd dogs? These dogs are hunting me like they're like I'm a dog in their pack that has been ostracized and they are hunting me.

And you were extradited from the pack. This is strange. I've been chased by, there have been packs of dogs running around for the last several years, always near me. I'll be at a party and a pack of dogs runs through. And I'm different. A pack of dogs?

Different pack of dogs, not these. Huh, that's wild. I think we need to get tag team on the phone. Find out who let the dogs in. Thank you, in case anyone is not in their 40s. One of Epstein's favorite gems. He loved music though. He was a music lover.

Oh, he was a philanthropist. He was a philanthropist of music. In art lover. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, a lot of good quality. He's supported a lot. Gone too soon. No one talks about that.

Just like the line lady. I just think that you smell like meat and so dogs are following you around all the time. Oh, yeah, that is possible. But you know, Scott, the way you think is different than the way an entrepreneur thinks. You know, we don't look at the logical conclusion of these things.

This is the mindset. This is the mindset that you've got to get into. So when I see a pack of dogs running me down, chasing me down, coming after me as I'm driving my Rivian. I think, you know- You're looking everywhere. I look at my- I look at my-

Shit ton of dogs. Like you're like the Beatles help, but it's doggies. Yeah. And fucking rules. And the thing is that dogs can't match a Rivian. Yeah, I buy plow. Plow the dogs. I'll kill a dog.

I'll kill a dog. And I'll blackmail you if I see it. And that's right, a lot of dog death on the show. Hey, it's coming to you. Oh, plow in the death way. Yeah. Copy that. So do you have, I mean, this is obviously a great product. Great product.

Do you have another product coming up? Well, another flavor even? Well, yeah. Or scent, if you want to use perfume term? Yeah, you know, I'm coming up with new scents. The next one I'm coming out with is actually gonna be cheese scented. Cheese scented, but not flavored?

Not flavored. Meat flavored cheese scented. That sounds amazing. Because what's the one thing when you smell meat, what you're thinking? Oh, I want cheese with that. I want so bad. Exactly.

Like, God, I want cheese. We spent so much on market research to find that out. When people smell cheese though though, they think, what? I'm sorry to only say half that sentence and then we'd be hanging, but. Well, for me, it's I miss my parents. Oh, right. Yeah, the old saying.

Yeah, I miss my parents. That's where the phrase, the cheese stands alone comes from. Oh, it's an orphan that originally is the cheese. Is that the Jeff Garland movie? I love that movie, the Cheese Canes movie. No, that's a, I want someone to eat cheese with, but it's a totally different movie. Don't show your kids I want somebody to eat cheese with.

Or anyone really. Unless you hate your kids. Oh, I do. They're coming after me like a pack of dogs. You have kids, you have children. I have children, unfortunately. I have several children with several different have children. I'm surprised. Unfortunately, I have several children

with several different beautiful women that I'm no longer with, but. How many? Well, that's awesome. All Russian. All Russian children, not the moms. Interesting. Really?

You send them all to Russia to give birth. That's right. Because that's where they'll be GINs. They can't be expedited. They can't be expedited. The births can't be expedited. They can't rush the births. Mothers can't be expedited. They can't be extra there. Behind the iron curtain't be expedited. They can't rush the births. Mothers can't be extra there.

Behind the iron curtain, they take their time. They take their time. They make them a little extra. 10 months on average. Do you have like giant Russian babies? Giant Russian babies. Do you have a jingle or anything for this or an ad campaign?

Yeah, oh, we have a lot of jingle, Scott. You know, jingles. You have a lot of jingle? We have a lot of jingle. I wanna hear them all. I feel like that's sort of the opposite of what a jingle's. For the listeners, he's shuffling through a ream of papers.

Yeah. It's like a Rolodex here of jingles. They're made of glass. Oh, these sheets of glass. Well, what they say is one thing about a business guy, you never want one jingle. You want a different targeted jingle for wherever you're advertising.

OK. All right. Well, let's hear. Can I just name a demographic? You name it, Scott. You name a very specific demo, though, because now with let's hear, can I just name a demographic? You name a, Scott, you name a very specific demo though, because now with Targeted Ads, we can do anything. So I mean, are you sure you spend 99% of your time

with improvisers? Here we go, let's say, how about Wrapping Grannies? You said specific, right? Yeah, right, yeah, absolutely. Okay, Wrapping Grannies who live in Southern Louisiana, who are barren and have adopted all of their grandchildren. Okay, we've got barren.

Let's just run through that again. So we've got rap and granies in Southern Indiana. A Louisiana. Southern Louisiana. Yeah, yeah. Okay, and... Take that Indiana sheet if you're not gonna use that one.

And then, and they're barren. Yeah, they're barren, they've adopted their... By pro... Are they barren because of their age? Look, I'm not gonna ask them. They adopted their grandchildren. Yeah, how'd they have their original children where they became better? I don't have the original children. Oh, they went straight to grand. Yeah. So they were just an old crone who became a granny by technically they should be moms But they're too old to be mom so they say like I'm just just call me call me Granny. And you know, they're stuck in the rap game, so.

Exactly. So you have something for these people? Yeah, I'll look through the files here. Oh, there, yep, this is, but it was probably do. This. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna do it. Hey, old Granny, your husband's Rick. Would you like to smell like a nice meat stick? You're sitting on your couch watching in bruge. Turn off that stuff in bat and rouge. You want to smell good. You don't want to be lazy. Snap into the stick and smell like gravy. And now pretty soon you'll die and you'll be in a tomb.

Sorry, kiddo. You've got a dusty wound and then it will say And then the the men in the titles big stinger. Yeah. Yeah So that's amazing. That's great. You were able to find that because that's labeled under Martin McDonough in your in your chart The ember who's reference kills with grandma They love the lyrical violence. They love the lyrical violence. It's got something for everybody. You got Gleason, you got Farrell.

It's the dynamic between the two. It really is. Clearly, it works. They revisited that. Do they like the Banshee as a Banshee? They don't like the Banshee. They like the dynamic. They don't like the story.

They like the dynamic. They don't like the fingers being thrown at the door. We drill down into this data scot. This is how we sell this stuff. I figured. And all of their husband's names are Rick, which is not something that I... Oh, you didn't say that?

Oh, no, yeah. Oh, no, I thought you said that. Oh, I'm sorry. Well, I'm sorry, two specific jingle, but you know. Two specific jingle. Imagine someone shun that jingle off right at that moment. Well, this doesn't apply to me. Right, yeah.

But see, but... It's targeted, targeted marketing. It's targeted marketing. So we're able to... It only goes to them, I would imagine. It only goes to them on their television set. Wow. It's because of data. Because of data. Targeting ads are getting nuts. My algorithm is fucking insane. What are you getting? I'm getting a lot of like, autoerotic asphyxiation safety devices like inflatable tubes that catch you if you fall which is coming out of nowhere for you coming out of nowhere it just startled me I truly added choke mats yeah choke oh I have a

piece of that neck tubes is another one is a joke oh yeah I'm I'm a early investor in choke what's the jingle I saw that episode of shark pink you do a jingle jingle for choke mats yeah oh absolutely Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Let me see if I can... It doesn't have to be a rap. Oh, it does. Oh, no. We would never rap at people who do choke mats. Am I right?

No, I would not want one. I'm not a big fan of the hip hop. Right. Choke Matz. Here we go. And where does this person live? Long Island? Yeah, let's make it Long Island so I can tell you. Well, you're choking your hug out on old patchhog.

That's a place out on Long Island. And you're feeling so sad. Yes, you're feeling so bad. But I got a way that you'll be smiling. Just put a rope around your neck and put it on the knob. You will start to whack, then you'll have an attack. But we've got something for that. It's a choc mat. That's that scene.

Wow. That's so romantic. I'm in. I'm in. That was beautiful. Thank you, yeah. I know, but I can't believe you guys survived all, cause there was a lot of people who were mad. There was a lot of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu guys

who bought it, not knowing exactly what it was. Oh yeah. Yeah, they thought it was for something different. Did you have to put a warning label on there now? Warning, not for Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, which we call capoeira. Yeah, right. That's in the warning label.

Which we call capoeira. Interesting. Yeah. Right. That's in the warning label. Which we call cap where. Smart. I love it. Well, yeah, I mean, you're a very talented marketer and have you made a lot of money doing this? Well, Scott, the big thing about business is you secretly don't have to make money to make money. Really?

It's all about just like hype and like. It's all about moving money from one thing to the next until it runs out. Right. So it's like a pyramid scheme. It's still a little... Invert the pyramid. Okay. So it's like an upside-down pyramid scheme? Yeah. And think about all the pressure from the top. Just press them down on you. Okay. This sounds stressful.

It's a funnel. It's a funnel. I am thinking about that. It's a funnel scheme. Oh, this makes more sense. Yeah. I mean, it's not just similar to comedy or podcasting, I'm sure, where you feel the weight of the, you feel the weight of your listenership pressing down on you because the product just isn't what they expect.

I'm wildly familiar. Yeah, I have new specialties, that's all I'm hearing. Well, Ben-mon, thank you so much for coming on the show. Would it surprise you to learn though we're running out of time on the show? It wouldn't, Scott. And I gotta get rid of these dogs. They just...

Yeah, do you need some help with that? Some assistance with the dogs? That would be great. Okay, well let's do our next feature here on the show first and then we'll do something about the dog problem. Absolutely. Yeah, if you have any extra dog collars then come loose when you run away at...

Yeah, maybe you can use some of the Choke Matz. Yeah, well the dog collar comes with the Choke Matz. Yeah, maybe you can use some of the choke mats. Yeah, well, the dog collar comes with the choke mat. Yeah, oh good. I'll buy another one. All right, well, we're running out of time. We only have time for one final feature on the show. And that is of course a little something called, no, unfortunately it's not what you're at.

This is something called plugs. Ooh, nice and short. I love it. That was Scott's perfect length of song that is by Trevor Smith, thank you so much. Trevor Smith, I love how short that was. Oh, a legendary bit moved. A good joke and not wasting anybody's time.

I know, hats off to you Trevor. Authors, we got people who need to move. I know, exactly. All right, what are we plugging at him? Obviously we have wallpaper out on YouTube now. Wallpaper, the new special, wallpaper, the product. And I have a pop. You get a piece of wallpaper.

I get a piece of all wallpaper. You should talk to me after the podcast. Excellent, yeah. Do you have wallpaper ideas? Wallpaper. What's that? Wallpaper? Wallpaper ideas?

You should. Are you eating some of your cologne? I took a big bite of cologne, right? Yeah. Right before you said that. Don't you hate that when of your cologne. I took a big bite of cologne, right? Don't you hate that Now I want cheese See alright, so wallpaper is out now wallpaper is out now podcast the Grolick saves the world Oh, that's right. Yeah, it is a weekly show. It is a weekly show me and my two friends who did those who can't we call ourselves the Grolicks

And we have a podcast every week and I're having a lot of fun. Andrew and Ben. Andrew and Ben, yeah. That's right. Yeah, we're still doing it. I love that. And movie, look out, just watch every movie until yours comes out. Exactly, and I'll let you know which one's mine.

I'll be outside the theater. Before I get out of here, can I do a quick crowd work clip with you, Scott? Yeah, I guess so. What's your name? What do you do for a living? My name's Scott, I hate to admit it, I'm a podcaster. That's fucking stupid.

All right, great. Yeah. Thanks, Scott. That is really... You have someone to put a very specific font over that. And from there... I got a guy, we go with lime green. Oh, that's gonna crush. It really makes the numbers pop. Thanks, Scott. Yeah, no problem. I guess.

Gino, what do you want to plug? I'm just getting into podcasts these days kind of hard. Yeah. And I've been listening to a lot of this podcast called High and Mighty, but also Action Boys, which is like their fucking long ass episode. And as an engineer, I just like the feet of recording. Recently I heard they had to edit down their Lawn Mower Man episode because Patreon couldn't

legally upload it because it was too much. So it's just under four hours. And I'm so about long motor, man. That's a good test. Is it good? Does it matter? Ran into that with a 10 hour episode of comedy bang bang. You wouldn't think the podcast would have

length limitations. Yeah, I know. I'm listening to them. But they do. So you can check, I hear you can listen to all their shit over at actionboys.biz. And if you're a broke motherfucker, or you blew all

your money on CBB World because you love the basketball guy, Bill Walton, whatever, you can go to free.actionboys.biz and just get a little sniff and get hooked. You should let them have everything for free and then the people who pay for it, you just give them a taste. Oh, I like that. Yes. Is this a good business model? I love this, Scott. That's an upside down pyramid.

Maslow would not be happy with this, but otherwise, I think it'd crush. The pyramid would crush you. Matilda, what do you want to plug here? I have two headgum podcasts. You have two podcasts? I do. But you're so busy directing this film and writing this film. And old.

I'm a little bit older than you. I'm in my 80s. Oh, I had no idea. And one is called Hey Riddle Riddle, where we saw riddles. And one is called sitcom D&D, where we do D&D in like a sitcom format. Gino was on season three of that. Gino was on this show. I believe so.

Why weren't you here doing this show? Well, I was in town and I popped over to head gum and they have all exclusively young, people that work there so I stuck around for a while. I get it. This one's in your house and you're just walking around barefoot with your size 14 flippers. I'm wearing socks. Look at those flappers. By the way, my flappers are down here. In Burbank. Ben Mon, what do you want to plug? I will plug a high-cast. Should we take another bite of your cologne. What's going on? Man, this guy's got terrible timing.

The dog is screaming outside. I will plug a podcast that everybody in this room, I think, has been on, except for Adam, but he's coming on to plug his podcast, I'm sure, after this. It's called Mega. It's an improvised satire from a mega church. You can listen to that wherever. I've been listen to that wherever I've been on this show You've been on the show so as so as You know I've been on this my third favorite comedian from Long Island has been on a John Gabriel behind Eddie Murphy and Alec Baldwin That's right. Yeah, we've had both those guys on to the I love

Bucket bad rat Kill one person by accident. Now everyone hates you. Do you think they had a look straight down the barrel when they did that show too soon? Let's do take two. Too late. Too much. Much too late. And so yeah, that's the plug, Scott.

That's the plug. That's the plug. Okay, wonderful. Mega! Say it like Sega. Or yeah, Mega. No one gets confused for that? Every now and then they do and you it like, say it. Or me, yeah, Magga. No one gets confused for that? Every now and then they do and you know what, we welcome.

It's a big tense, guys. Sure, of course. I want to put, speaking of which, big tense. This is, I need you to do a theme for the jingle for these big tense. Okay, great. At the end. Yeah, just make sure your outro's long.

Yeah, okay. I want to plug CBB World, Gino, you mentioned it. You're welcome. Yeah, CBB World, Gino, you mentioned it. You're welcome. Yeah, CBB World. We have great shows over there. CBB Presents where people who are on this show, they have their own shows. I like that Hey Randy one. Yeah, Randy Snuts has his own show called Hey Randy over there.

We have The Batman has his own show. Who me? Yeah, who me. Exactly. The book one? The book one, yeah. Lily Sullivan has her own show over there. We also do The Neighborhood Listen is over there. I do a movie show called Scott hasn't seen

where we watch movies that I haven't seen before. And we also have College Town is so great over there. I'd love to do something on CBB World. I would love that, what do you wanna do? You did one of the first CBB Presents. You did musical comma theater. Oh, right, I forgot about that. That's right.

I would maybe try to figure out a way, you know, sort out some ownership rights of... Yeah, what's going on with all that? Because I think we announced something. Yeah, well, you know, sometimes companies fold and still keep your stuff. Yeah. It's interesting, but we're still waiting. Hey, I'm out there hustling every fucking day.

I love that. I'm hustling. Every day. But head over to CBBworld.com and you can get all that stuff. All right, and also we're doing a show May 8th, I believe, as part of the Netflix as a joke fest. And that'll be here in town in LA and that'll be hopefully just the precursor to some live shows that we're doing a little later.

All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Oh, baby. Oh, baby, baby. What is it? Oh, baby, baby. What is it? Oh, baby. See, oh, okay.

That was Oh, Baby Seal by Rosie and the Trucks. That's another good length, I love that. Baby Seal by Rosie and the Trucks. That's another good length. I love that. Thank you to Rosie and the Trucks. If you have a plug theme. Is this a good length, Scott? Oh, how's it going? Put that away, please.

He's shooting blanks. Head over to CBBworld.com slash plugs and you can hear your songs on the show. All right, guys, I wanna thank you so much, Adam. Great fifth appearance. Thank you, I'm honored to be here. This is one for the books. I think so. Not your books, hopefully. Great fifth appearance. Thank you, I'm honored to be here. This is one for the books. I think so.

Not your books, hopefully. Well, we'll see. Matilda, you don't want to, yeah. How's this for a title? I did it my way. I love that. All right. Adam Catenholm's fifth CV, okay, all right.

Thanks Matilda, so great to have you on the show. And thank you for lending me $40,000. $40,000? That's gonna be the biggest difference. And Gino, always great to have you on the show. And thank you for lending me 11 credits. Come back more often. When I say that, I mean, every show,

you're supposed to be here every show. You do not want that, and I guarantee you, listen, it's not. And Ben Mont, have you been thinking of any kind of a jingle here? Oh, Scott, well, let's target this one to the teens. We'll have teens who want a big tent. Is that what you want? Teens who what? Teens who are looking for a big We'll have teens who want a big tent. Is that what you want?

Teens who are looking for a big tent? Teens who want a big tent. Yeah, okay, here it goes. Hey there teens, hey there chaps. Everybody's welcome under these flaps. It's a big tent, big tent. Not Brazilian capoeira. Okay, we'll see you next time. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,, the dogs! They're back! Please, fucking dog!

The dogs are back! Alright, we'll see you next time. Thanks, bye!