Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Best of 2015 Pt. 2

Episode Date: December 24, 2015

The best of Comedy Bang! Bang! 2015 continues with Scott and Paul F. Tompkins as they count down numbers ten through seven of the best episodes YOU voted for! Merry Christmas to you all and we'll see you next week for Pt. 3!

This episode of Comedy Bang Bang is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the easiest way to create a beautiful website, blog, or online store for you and your ideas. Squarespace features an elegant interface, beautiful templates, and incredible 24-7 customer support. Start building your website today at squarespace.com. Enter offer code BANG BANG at checkout to get 10% off. Squarespace, build it beautiful! Comedy Bang Bang Your pink pantied tush makes my shy, chubby blush.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Our guest does not like it. Thank you to the Voplex Catchphrase All-Star. That's from the Voplex. Come on, the Voplex. Catchphrase All-Star, the Voplex submitted that. By the way, I did not credit our previous episodes Catchphrase All-Star Shampooedler for the WebMD one, so I wanted to retroactively do that thanks to them. Yes.

I almost said him. Honor restored to the Shampooedler name. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. This is the best of episode number two, where we countdown your top 15... Sorry, 14. God damn it. Already? So this is episode number two of a countdown that counts down 14 to 7.

To what? To set 7, Evan. Set 7, Evan. No, on today's episodes, we're counting down the top 14. On today's episode, we're counting down 10, 9, 8, and 7. 10, 9, 8, and 7. Top 10 here. We're cracking the top 10.

Cracking the top 10. Cracking the top 10. Do you remember baking a plane cake? Yep, I do. Remember that from four years ago or so? Taking a plane break? Couple studios ago. Yeah.

Boy, wow. Yeah. I almost wanted to cue Ryan for it, but he has no idea what it is. That was before Ryan. Wait, he does? He does? I mean, Ryan has it here. Let's hear it.

Yeah! Oh boy, that was fun. It was a lot of fun. Oh, I actually got lightheaded from that. Yeah, you were screaming at the top of your lungs. I couldn't even do that scream. Oh boy, I can't even do it at the pitch that the singer does. He's high, sings it high.

We used to sing taking a plane break because back in the early, the very first studio, not where we started the show because that was at Indy1031 in their studio, but when we moved to the first year of the studio. Yeah, 103.1 Street. Yes, we... Well, that's it. It was something like that. I think so, but it was also the...

It was the floor. The floor? Yeah, that's right. It was floor 1031 and above us was 1032 or something. That's right, that's right. But in our first year of the studio, it was in basically almost like a crack house. Yeah, it was a weird neighborhood. Right next to a medical marijuana place.

And also right next to an alley where there were people constantly foraging for recyclables, I believe. There was also a casting office in that same building. So you'd see people occasionally that you knew and you'd be ashamed like you were going to buy crack somewhere and they knew that. Or be cast in something. Right, even worse. And we would hear air traffic a lot and we would hear planes overhead a lot.

And so anytime we heard a plane that was really loud, I would play that song in order to cover up the noise of the plane and we would sing, take in a plane break, no matter what happened. And I still to this day get people saying they miss plane breaks. And that was our holiday when you were playing... When Paul F. Tompkins here was playing cake boss, he was doing his character cake boss. We intentionally, after we moved to a soundproof studio, we intentionally sang one when people were saying, I really miss him. You said that you were baking a plane cake.

Well, it was this long setup where you asked me, you were asking me, has anyone ever asked you to do a cake with no decorations? No frosting. What would you be doing then? It was this very complicated thing to get me to say the phrase, baking a plane cake. And then we played that and we sang, baking a plane cake. A great moment in comedy bang bang history. A GM in CBBH.

But speaking of GM's and CBBH, we are here. I am Scott Ackerman, your host, of course, for comedy bang bang. And I'm here with my good friend, Paul F. Tompkins. I'm Paul F. Tompkins. We are show business friends and we are counting down. And we are real life enemies. A lot of people don't know that about us. The minute the mics are turned off.

Constantly plotting to destroy each other. Hasn't happened yet. But yes, we are here counting down your top 14 episodes of the year of 2015. And in this particular episode, we've cracked the top 10. We're going to hear 10 through seven. Or is it eight? What is it? Yeah.

10 through 11. And... To Len through seven. To Len through seven. And some really great clips on this episode. I'm really pleased as punch. I'm glad to hear that. But you know what?

Here's what I was worried about, Scott. Yeah, come on. Like, hear me now. I thought that... The rhythm. That we would hear great clips in the first chunk of best ofs. And then this one... They were going to be terrible.

No, I think... But then you're telling me they're good. No, these ones in this episode? I think A plus. A... More than C plus, which is your standard grade. You say, why do we need other grades? C plus is above average.

Sorry I ever did that. You should be. Really? I'm proud of it. Here's what happens though, is that you take... People take those references. They apply them to other things. Can I say to anyone who is a fan of the show,

who knows the C plus inside joke, don't send that to people, guests on the show who don't know the joke, without explanation. Because occasionally people who don't know the ins and outs of this program and why would they are on the show, they think they did a great job and someone sends them a tweet saying, C plus job.

And they're like, what? They go, why would I ever go back to the show? So please, just send nice things. You know who does it the most, is people who listen to Hollywood Handbook. Yeah. Well, and the craziest references, they will tweet to other people and people don't know.

And I had an exchange with Lauren Lapkus, where she was like, she texted me, said, do you know why people are writing to me saying they want to eat my hair? And I said, as a matter of fact, I do. And I had to send her the whole explanation of that, which is from an ad those guys did on their show. Oh, geez.

And so she was like, all right, all right. I kind of figured that. And then like a day later, she tweeted out, whenever anyone sends me something that I don't understand, I figure it must be a Hollywood Handbook reference. Well, people send me and you, I would presume references from this show all the time, especially when the episodes come out.

Yes. I will wake up sometimes and there will be a ton of stuff in my in books. In books. That I don't, I don't remember the episodes that well after. I look into my in books. In my in books. What's this now?

What's this? In my in books. The devil you said, my in books. What is that? What is that? That's Wales. What dialect is that? Wales.

Oh, so Michael Sheen. It's like a mix. It's a mixture between Welsh and Scottish. This is my in books. What the devil you said, my in books. I feel like I can do that better than I can do Irish. Oh, as I proved. You're a legendary Irish accent.

I thought I had a lock on that. There was an episode of this show that I think we recorded in March and I was trying to get you to say morch. Morch. I couldn't remember it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, morch. I remember it now because people remind me of it.

Morch. Morch. It takes me a little while to catch up to it, but I'll get the inside jokes. By the way, recent pyramid news. Speaking of inside jokes. That's right. There was some recent pyramid news.

Recent pyramid news. Dr. Ben Carson. A couple of years ago. What? How did it come about? I said recent pyramid news. It was. I would think I was Richard Harrow.

Okay. And there was somehow we were talking about pyramids and you were kind of giving me a hard time because I don't know. It was like not. I think I can't remember. I was saying, like, have we gotten any recent pyramid news and you pointed it out, I think.

Maybe. And since then there has been recent pyramid news with Dr. Ben Carson. Who says the ancient Egyptian put grain in there. Stored grain. Stored grain in there. In those solid triangles. That's right.

Ben Carson, by the way, awfully close to Bill Cosby. Really? Ben Carson. Bill Cosby. Ben Carson. Bill Cosby. Not as a person. Ben Carson.

Dr. Ben Carson. Dr. Bill Cosby. Dr. Ben Carson. Dr. Bill Cosby. Bart the bear. From the edge. Bart the bear. Bart the bear.

Bart the bear. Bart the bear. The bear. The bear. So close. Ben Carson. The bear. Welcome to the show.

This is what you're going to get. Every year in December for the last couple of weeks, Paul if Tompkins and I collect ourselves. What am I trying to say? We collect ourselves? Well, we come in in quite a state. Oh my goodness. And then we have to collect ourselves.

We've all had, we've had crazy days. Oh my goodness. Heavens. I got caught in the rain. Had your newspaper over my head. I have the vapors. We get down on our feinty couches. Someone comes in with smelling salts and brings us around.

They snap out of our faces. Isn't that what smelling salts are? They break them open like this. I used to think when I read about them. That's a modern medical thing I think that they actually have vials. They snap. Yeah, yeah. When I read about them, I assumed it was like a salt shaker that they would like pour in

your face. I always pictured it as a jar, like a weird little jar. Like a jar someone farts in and then opens it up on your nose. That's exactly what I thought. Scott, how did you know? It's like you're reading my mind. Wait a minute. Maybe I can read mine.

Yeah, this probably proves it. Did it take that long to find out? This probably proves it. Wow. You know what? It's like limitless. I've always said I might be bulletproof. You might be.

I don't want to find out. That's right. But I very well could be. I want that pill. Give me that pill. Give me the pill. What if the limitless is just that? Give me the pill.

Hey, I want that pill. Hey, I'm watching you. Give me that pill. I see you with that pill. I want it. I'm walking here. Give me that pill. Give me that pill.

Analyze this. Analyze that. Did they ever get to analyze the other thing? Oh my gosh. Harold Ramis passed away too soon. R2-D2 soon. R2-D2 soon. He was a robot.

He was a robot. Yeah. Harold Ramis was a robot. Harold Ramis was a robot. Don't joke about iRobot though. Take care, please. Guys. If we can impart upon you one thing during this holiday season.

And it is Christmas Eve by the way. Yes. This Christmas, don't joke about iRobot. Stop it. What a wonderful song that would be. This Christmas, don't joke about iRobot. We should record it. There's so much stuff to joke about.

We should record it this year. We should record that for next year. For next year. We'll do it. Okay. Keep us to that. We'll forget about it. This Christmas, don't joke about iRobot.

That is the title. And it'll be country and western. All right. Okay. Country and western. Will it have like a little spoken word breakdown? Of course. But of course.

We'll get special guests on it too. It'll be like a we are the world type thing. Do one of those in a while. Okay. In a while. Welcome to the show. What we're going to do here is we're going to play you clips. You guys all voted on these.

We voted from Thanksgiving to Thanksgiving of this year. And these are the episodes that you voted for the most. And we're cracking the top 10 and we may as well get to it. Let's get to the first episode on today's countdown. This is number 10. Number 10. Oh baby. This is episode 365.

As many episodes as there are days in this year, not next year. That's wild. That's right. That is wild. Next year. That is wild. That is weird. Wild stuff.

Crazy stuff. Wild. Wild. I feel like I still can't do it. That is wild. What is wrong with me? Apparently. That is wild.

Apparently. That's another word that gets me into it. Yeah. Apparently. With the finger. Yeah. Apparently. That is wild.

That is Carson, of course. Of course. That is Carson. Ben Carson. Great Carson. Ben Carson. Dr. Bill Cosby Carson. I cut open a human skull.

That is wild. Pyramids are used for great. That is wild. That is the wildest of them all. Not to get political. Dad, not to get political. He's a weirdo. He's a weirdo.

He's a fucking weirdo. He's a strange human being. He's a really weird dude. All right. Apologies if you listen to this show and you're somehow a supporter of him. I don't know how that would... Not for me though. No apologies for me.

Okay. Apologies for me. Guess what? You're a weirdo. Okay. Episode 365, July 27. We're in the midpoint. We're about like hump week.

Saturday in the park. I think it was July 27th. Boy, Jimmy Pardo just got three boners. Popping through his skull. They're in the Rock and Roll Hall. Popping through his skull. Yeah, like boom, boom. It just like pops through his eyeballs.

What? At the back of his head. What's wrong with you? What? That's why I imagined. What is that? That's what happened. What is that image that you have in your brain?

They're in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Just got in. The three boners? The three boners. The three boners. Do you think a band could have the name, the three boners, and get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Well, cheap trick got in there.

Oh yeah. And what does that mean again? That means a prostitute. It was expensive. Expensive. Yeah, Chicago's in and I think Jimmy's going to do everything in his power to be there. To be at the induction ceremony? To be at the induction ceremony.

Because what if Satara gets in there and sings a song with him? After all that we've been through, I will make it up to you. I promise to. And after all that's been said and done, you're just a part of me. I can't let go. Do you want to be there? We should go. Yeah, we should go.

We should go and make it so that Jimmy can't go. Yeah, we should take his seats. Two guys that don't care. We should bully him. We should meet him outside the fame. I don't want to bully him. Yes. And we should kick his ass and steal his tickets.

Yes. Start shoving him back and forth between us. Hey, punk. Punk. Punk. Hey, punk. What are you? Am I in books?

Hey, punk. We're here for Satara. That's the Midlands. That's how they talk in the Midlands. Oh, the Midlands. Got to get there. Got to get there. Okay, this is episode 365 from July 27.

This is an episode called Bongo vs. Bongoes. That's right. This is Jason Manzukas and Andy Daley. That's right. This is the, by the way, they were the winners of last year's countdown. That's right, yeah. That's right. They won for episode 300, did they not?

It was quite a saga. It's not a winning thing. They were number one. Why are we doing this thing? That's true. Okay, they won last year. Yeah. Jason Manzukas, of course.

People know him as Rafi from the league and Andy Daley, who's been on this, both of these guys have been on the show for as long as we've been doing it. And Andy Daley has done several characters. Andy got pretty busy this year and could not be on the show quite as much. He's doing a review, his TV show, this hilarious TV show, which everyone should check out. And is in critics. Boy, I love when the top 10s come out. Top 10 too.

I do too. You know you're not going to be bothered with people saying, hey, you made the top 10 this year. Exactly. To be fair, some people gave me some nice notices for my stand-up special that was on this year, which was very nice. How many bang bang went pretty unremarked upon? I believe we did 40 pretty good episodes this year.

There's too much TV. I'm just happy we're on the air. There's plenty of TV. See, I don't think there's too much. I think that there is... There's enough that people can be entertained constantly. Yes. Remember back in the day when you'd be like, God, there's nothing on.

Yeah. There's a lot to choose from. And you can find the things that are to your taste. But I have to say, if you're listening to this show, the comedy bang bang TV show is so funny. Thank you. And I enjoy it every single week. Thank you so much.

I mean, it's different from the podcast. It is. But it's similar enough. But it's hilarious. But... The sensibility, I think, is the same. You know, I feel like we did something never achieved by any sketch show, 40 episodes in a year.

Amazing. But hey, you know what I mean. And each one very... Not just funny, but very intensive. Distinct. Yeah. Distinct. We did some things like the one take episode and the upside down episode.

Anyway. Terrific. Terrific guests. It's on my top 10 list. I enjoyed it. It's on the top 10 list of my heart, but not the one I published online. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I'm sorry. You're a Longmire fan? I feel dumb now. Longmire got so good. Who taught me? Philips is on there? All right. In any case, Andy Daly's review is on a lot of top 10 lists and rightfully so.

That's a great show. And so they were doing this episode together, reuniting. They hadn't done an episode together for a while. And Andy is doing a character new to comedy bang bang, which he had, I believe he had started on the Womp It Up podcast, which is a spin-off podcast of comedy bang bang. The Marissa Wompler... The first comedy bang bang spin-off. Maybe.

I can't recall. Is it the first... I think that it is. I think that it is the first one, a character that was created on that show. Some people would say the Andy Daly pilot thing, but he created a lot of those characters before comedy bang bang. But then so did Jessica St. Clair did Marissa on stage once. Oh, did she?

Really? Yeah. I saw her do it in a UCB show. She had like a neck brace. I think it may have been one of the only times she ever did it on stage. Then it's not a spin-off at all. So there have been no comedy bang bang spin-offs. There have been no spin-offs.

Thank you very much. All right. But so this is a new character that Andy had done on one episode of Womp It Up. This is a teacher at Marissa Wompler's high school, I believe. He is the health teacher. And one thing I need to mention, because otherwise you'll be confused, Taken Tang is a podcast that Jason Manzukas had decided he was going to start in a previous episode. That's right.

A previous episode we may hear from a little later in our countdown, but he mentions Taken Tang a few times. That's what that is about. And this is it. This is Jason as himself and Andy Daley playing Jimmy Bongos. And this is your... I thought it was Joe Bongos. I can't remember.

It's both. It's both. We'll talk about it. I remember now. This is your number 10. Number 10. Please welcome Joe Bongos. How's it going?

How are you? Hello, Joe. Good to be here. I brought my Bongos. No. You certainly did. Holy cow. This is my second podcast.

I was on, what do you call it, the Whampering and I was on that one and I forgot, I didn't bring my Bongos and I said the whole time, I should have brought my Bongos and so now I got them. So you were on Whomp It Up. This is the person I know from Raina Del Rey High School is, I know a couple of people I know, Marissa Whompler. That's the one. Yes.

From the Starz program. Yeah, right. They have two of them have the Whompers and they do the podcast and I was on that. And we had a lot of fun. Her birthday is coming up. I would imagine we'll see her real soon. Oh, she got a birthday coming up? Yeah, she did.

That's so funny. It seems like everybody's got a birthday. Yeah, once a year or about. Yeah, I don't know. Wouldn't that be great. Here's the thing. Every time I turn around it's somebody's birthday. Joe, do you have a birthday?

I don't have a birthday. That's no interesting thing about it. No. I mean, I don't know. Is that because you were adopted or because you just, you don't know the date you were born? It was just never a topic of conversation like when were you born and all that stuff. It was.

It never was. No, we never talked about it. Did you know your parents? I did. So when you heard about the children at school talking about their birthdays, you never thought, hey, that's something I should bring up to my parents. I don't know. It never occurred to me.

You just, oh, you got a birthday. That's great. Hey, you said he, he does too. You know, there's always way more. Can I ask you a question? Do you have any siblings? I don't have no. I got no siblings.

Oh, only child. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's way more interesting things to talk about at the dinner table. Yeah. You know, politics and art. Sure, whatever. Diabetes. You know.

Let's have a go. Let's talk about diabetes. How often would you talk about diabetes? How often would you talk about diabetes? Oh, all the time. It was a constant topic. I have with my parents, I diabetics, and yeah, so. Your parents were diabetics?

They were both diabetics. We talked a lot about that. Did you ever have to, you know, inject them with? Oh, sure. That was, yep. That's why, well, it was part of the reason I became a health teacher. I had some interest in health. All we would use to talk about.

How can people be healthier? Poor Venus. Blood circulation. We used to talk about eustachian tube restrictions. It was an issue my father had. Off it got ear infections. Oh. Functionating with the bongos.

Always had an ear infection, my father. Oh, wow. Really? Chronic depression, alcoholism, yeah, he had a lot of issues. He was always trying to get into the army, they wouldn't take him. Always trying to get into the army. Always trying to get into the army. Up to what point in his life?

He's still trying to get into the army. Okay, so he's so alive. He's 86 years old, he'd like to serve. Yeah. Well, you know what? That's impressive. Yeah. That's a great instinct there.

He goes, what he does, he travels all around the country, sometimes all around the world just to army bases and just tries to lend you a hand. Well, you know, you can serve your country and I guess the people of this country in other ways other than the army or the armed forces, I would imagine you can volunteer at, you know, at places that help others. I wish I had thought of that as a thing to advise him of at some point in the last 20 or 20 years. That never came up.

No, he's just still trying to get into the army. But you never had a birthday. I never did have a birthday. I don't know why. You never blew up birthday candles? No, no, no, not my own. Oh, you did blow it. So you used to go to birthday parties and blow on other people's candles?

I didn't know how these would get impatient, you know, just didn't they dragging it out, you know. Here's what I wonder. As a health teacher, maybe you have that. Yes, yes. I've been looking at people blowing on birthday cakes and Jason, this must just gross you out, right? People blowing on candles.

Oh, what are you, a generous guy? Think of all the spit on birthday cakes. So gross. It's gross, isn't it? Super gross. Like what a weird, like just, here's what I suggest. Put the candles on a plate or something. Let me do it for you this way.

Imagine how happy everybody is to receive a piece of cake that someone just spit all over. And now imagine that right before putting your food down in front of you, a waitress or a waiter at a restaurant, just blew on it. Just blew it a kiss. And then put it down. Would you be like, oh, cool. I was like, here's your plate of curly fries.

Yep. Yeah. But she's a stranger. I think the test for whether you should go to somebody's birthday party is, am I comfortable eating their spit? Am I intimate with this person? I'm intimate enough with this person. I'm comfortable eating their spit.

Have you been to a birthday party? I've been to lots of birthday parties. OK. So how many? So let's see. OK. Well, I want to go back to 19. Yeah, let's list them off.

This is good. I would have had a birthday party while you had my aunt. How old are you, by the way? I'm right now. Definitively? Definitively. I really don't know. You don't know.

I really have no idea. Do you have a rough guess? Do you have a rough guess? I don't know. I feel like... You sound old. How many Julys have you encountered? I wish I'd been keeping track of Julys or any of the months.

When was the last time you were in school? I have not... Well, I work at a school. That's a hard one. OK. Well, that's true. How many years... You know the concept of years.

Well... 2015, 2014. I know that there's... Oh, there's only one Christmas. What was the earliest one you can remember? There's one Christmas in a year and there's one in a year. OK. So you didn't celebrate.

How many Christmases have you encountered? How many... I'm not keeping track of Christmases, you guys. This is a real problem. I feel... How many presidential elections? How many presidents have you seen? Oh, God.

Well, that's a great one. The first guy I voted for was John Anderson. Wait, that's a right in-camera bin. That's like the 80s, right? That would have been... I don't know. OK. I don't know years.

Interesting. He's a healthy tree, doesn't he? He's not a math guy. Sure, not a math guy. Yeah. How many Olympics have you seen? Oh, wow. Winter and summer.

Winter and summer. Because if it was easier, if it was a more sensible breakdown between what's a winter game and what's a summer game, why are they playing... Why are they playing basketball in the summertime? That's... Well, I mean, they started doing that what in 1988, I believe. Is that what they started with? How many long jumps?

How many long jumps? I guess we're gonna have to... I have seen a team long jump competition. OK. OK, so every four years... That one I know. At least I'm four. Sixty-four years?

Yeah, somewhere in there. Somewhere in 60... I feel confident about that. But sometimes these are semi-finals. I don't know. Fifty. All right, but like old guy-ish. You know what I always say?

You're only as young as you feel. You know? So I feel like I'm like 16, 17 years old. Oh! I got a lot. You know what I mean? I have a lot of energy. Music must keep you young.

Yes! Music keeps me young. How long have you been playing these bongos? I've been playing the bongos. Let's see. I found a pair of bongos under the pier. And that had to be like... In Marina del Rey?

Down there in Marina del Rey. Are you born and raised? No, I went all around the world. I followed my dad from Army Base Town. We were Army Brats. But he wasn't in the Army. He wasn't in the Army. He just tried to help out.

We were... Well, trying to get in there. He was under the impression that you could... If you got rejected at one place, you could go to another place, you know? He didn't realize it was a national place. It's all one Army. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you must not have lived places for very long because he would, I'm assuming, instantly be rejected. And then he would have moved for no reason. And then you got to pack up and move again. To the next Army Base. He heard the expression you and what Army and took that literally,

thinking there were several differences. He heard the expression you and what Army. Okay. Don't try and figure that. I don't think I get it. I'll tell you right now, Joe Bongo, he's going to say a lot of stuff that you're going to need to gloss right over.

Hey, that's no problem. Otherwise, we will be ground into a nightmare. I don't understand a lot of the things I hear. And that's all right. Hey, I got a wish for you. Yep. Okay. You heard all the wish things.

I did. For one year, everywhere you go, here's my wish for you to wear a denim shirt and a white cotton pair of pants. So flipping it, turning it on its head. I did consider, I did consider for a while, summer, semi-summer... Just like turning it upside down.

White jeans and a blue oxford. I like it. Yep. And then after Labor Day. I own it. I just have never worn it. White jeans are problematic, though. You get them dirty.

Oh, especially in the amount of times I shit my pants. Oh, yeah. Then white jeans are not for you. If you were frequent pants shitter, that would be advice. Can I ask you a question, Joe Bongo? Yes.

You found this pair of bongos under the pier. Do you know who they belong to or did you ever see a lost and found item? There was a guy sleeping next to them, but I didn't necessarily know, you know, those hives or whatever. You know, somebody, I don't know. Now, was your name Joe Bongo at the time?

No, I was not going by Joe Bongo. Okay, so this is a gnome de plume, not a gnome de plume, but a stage name of some sort. Well, no, I'd say call me Joe Bongo, because my thing is the bongo. Does anybody call you Joe Bongo? Everybody calls me Joe Bongo.

I certainly have. Mr. B over at school or whatever. This is your Joe Bongo. But you're not a music teacher. You're a health teacher. Oh, yeah, I'm a health teacher. Do you incorporate the bongos in your... I don't know music in that sense,

in that way of like, I know I'm aware that there are notes and I'm under the impression that there's sheet music. Right. But I don't know it. You're under the impression that there is sheet music. I'm under the impression that there is sheet music. When can you confirm? Do you think...

Okay, now immediately, if that's what you guys want. Because we can probably produce sheet music, just in case that's weighing on you at all. What are you saying? That can be settled. Look, there are great questions in life that we all wish we knew the answers to,

and it keeps us up at night. We can answer this one for you. Because I've seen musicians and they've got the music stand and there's something on there and I don't know if they're reading a magazine. You've seen the back of the paper. I've only seen the back of the paper. I mean, I've heard the term sheet music.

You're like tap them on the shoulder and say, hey, you mind turning around and give me a look? I give a thought, because I don't want to go up there and interrupt your performance or anything like that. Have you ever... Did you study the bongos? Did you...

Did you have lessons at all? Are you self-taught? Oh, I totally self-taught. I'm an autodidact on the bongos. I've totally come just completely self-taught. I mean, I picked up a few things into drum circles and I need to beat drum circles. Oh, you would see and hear

someone do something on the bongos like a tip-tap-tap and you go, oh, I got to put that in there. I could try that, tip-tap-tap. Sure. What is the basic principle, the guiding principle behind the bongos? You hit them and you tried to do it as many times within the beat as possible.

Oh, okay. Well, I don't know. Yeah, sure. Cramming is a lot into the beat. Do you... Are there... You just gotta feel it. It's really a feeling. What is it?

What do you do? You gotta feel it. So, like, let me lay down a beat and you show me the basic principles of the bongos. By the way, I take requests. So, any song requests you guys have, I can play anything on the bongos. Oh, that's great.

That would be great. I love that. That's what I do when I do parties. You're so vain. You're so vain. Yeah. See, I just feel it. Kind of like a Martin Denney tune.

I don't know that that was the person. I felt the song and I just, you know... You definitely took on a different physicality and played the bongos. Yeah, you hunch over and you sort of become depressed and your eyes start to squint really, really hard. Well, you know, I kind of put... I go into a character in a way when I play bongos.

You know, I don't know what that is. What's that guy's name? Jimmy Bongo. Totally different guy. Totally different guy. Oh, so when you're playing the bongos, you're Jimmy Bongo. I don't know. Yeah, I guess.

I just... I adopted an attitude. I adopted an attitude when I'm playing the bongos. It's great. That must be great on stage. Do you ever perform live? Oh, sure I do. I'm in a band right now.

We're called Rose Bush Red and it's me and it's a bunch of the students at the high school. And I'm always... Oh, like a rock and roll combination? Yes, it's a rock and roll combination band. Yeah, that's how I met the bongo guy and I put the band together. You put the band together.

I've been at the school now for many years. I don't know how many Christmases or Olympics it's been, but I spent a lot of long time because a lot of the kids have come and gone. You know, sure. Well, I bet some have passed away. Probably, sure. As a matter of fact, I know, yes, a number of them have.

Drunk driving? Drunk driving? You know that? Okay, so you know a number of the... So you have more certainty as to student deaths than the existence of sheet music. I have been alive for 33 student deaths. Could have all been in one year.

Could be one bus accident. Yeah. I don't want to talk about that. I'm parking lot security and it's my job basically. You know, that's one of the things. So you're a man of many interests for many responsibilities. I pick up a few dollars of parking lot security.

You do? Really? So that's after school or that's like right when the final bell rings you hustle on over there to the parking lot? Great question. I'm there in the morning and I'm there in the afternoon. Morning at afternoon. Oh, and just like that?

Look at that. At 6 p.m. you punch out or? I could leave there. When do I leave? I don't even know because I don't have a watch. But I leave when it feels like... When it feels like there's nothing else going on. Yeah, there's not a lot happening in the parking lot.

I just get out of there. Do you ever like kids hang out in the parking lot? Oh, sure. Is that like a scene? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I imagine sometimes the moon is really high and just like, you know, you're there till 1, 2 a.m. Well, you know what's weird?

There's different times of the year when it gets darker earlier. So you can't necessarily... We know a lot about time. Do you? We have watches and yeah. Do you? Yeah. I don't have one.

Do you have a sundial at all? No, I don't even know what to do. How do you show up to work on time? I don't really. I mean, in the sense that... Just whenever it feels like you should be there. Well, yeah, in the sense that relative to other people. You know what I mean?

I don't show up necessarily when they do. Do you live by the school, happenockulars? And when you start to see people trickle in, you go, oh, I gotta get there. No, that would be a great idea. I just kind of... I wake up and I do what feels like I have to do at home, which is sometimes, you know, eat something or whatever,

you know, put on pants and then I go. And sometimes I'm there hours early. You know, I mean, there's so much earlier before anybody else. Sure. A lot of the time I'm there, you know, way later. The pants thing takes a little longer than you thought. Hey, if you don't have a clean pair of pants... Sure, you gotta go down to the laundromat.

You gotta put her around looking for her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I ask you one question before we get to the band? Sure. You become Jimmy Bongos when you play. Joe Bongo is your stage name. Why didn't you just pick Jimmy Bongos? What do you mean?

What I'm saying is there's the me that I am every day who teaches health class and who plays Bongos a little. That's Joe Bongo. That's Joe Bongo. Okay, but then... But he sounds like a real square almost compared to this Jimmy Bongo. Oh, wow, man, yeah, right.

That's true. Because when I'm playing the Bongos, I adopt an attitude. I become kind of like a Bongo. Sure, Jimmy Bongos wouldn't be a health teacher. No, Jimmy... forget it, no way. Jimmy Bongos all day, all night is the Bongos! Yeah! One further question.

Why is Jimmy Bongos pluralized and Joe Bongo is not? That's a great question. And I don't know the answer. And that's what's great about it. And that's what's interesting about you is that you have a real lust for life, it seems. Can you play Lust for Life? That's a real song that...

I get it. There are certain songs you can pick out by their drums. Like Come Together. Can you do Come Together? Yeah, I mean, yeah. There's always, of course, Wipe Out. Yeah, Wipe Out. Wipe Out! I'm really tired.

You can barely play one song before getting tired. You're so tired. Yeah, it seems like you just got real tired. You lay down on the floor and pulled the microphone all the way down. Can you take a little nap? Is there a nap time as a part of this podcast? Of course. We usually don't do nap time in the middle.

That would just be 45 minutes of just silence, I think. Yeah, well, you can fast-forward pass it. I guess so, but that's a lot of data. Putting it into people's iPhones. That was really satisfying. You don't like iPhones? I'm tired of these iPhones all the time. No, I'm not an Android guy.

He's not asking if you're an Android. I'm not an Android and I'm tired of the question. Why is everyone asking you this all the time? I don't know, but it comes up a lot. You know, are you an Android? I'm not an Android. I wrap, because you know what it is, it's part of certain times of the year I wrap my torso in tin foil.

Just to keep warm. And then it's like, what does that reflect in the song? What times of the year? It's like, what, during those times of the year, when the sun is not up as long, is when it gets darker earlier. I think that tin foil, I guess it probably would. Yeah, that is called winter.

Yeah, Christmas is around then. Christmas is around then. Sometimes I got tin foil on my torso on Christmas Day. And it peeks out from behind a shirt and you get all these stupid places. Do people think you're a present and they try to unwrap you? At least it's been a long time since I've been unwrapped.

I'll tell you that right now. Do you have a family? Do you have a family? Do you have a partner? No, I don't. I was married for a little while, but the problem is you cannot wear a wedding ring if you're a bongo player. So it's not possible, it's basically not possible

to be married if you're a bongo player. You could just take the ring off while you're playing bongo. The ring around your neck maybe is a symbol of your love. Here's the issue, here's the issue. Yes, I was married and I had a wedding ring and then whenever I played bongo, I took off the ring, you got it.

The problem is like girls, you know, it's a deadly combination. Let's face it, it's pretty sexy. The bongo is a sexy instrument and you don't have a wedding ring on your finger. You're gonna get fucked. There's a proper language for a health teacher. It does sound like primarily you are playing

two high school students. Sure. Not all the time, I do go down to Pierre, but a lot of the time, yeah. So that provides a whole other set of problems if you are an unmarried man and you're always getting... Drippin' and push.

Look, I don't know. From one tank talker to another. You want to talk tank? Has this started to become an episode of talking tank? Is this the pilot? Slowly, slowly establishing this as a backdoor pilot for talking tank. I'll talk tank.

If we're talking tank, it must be almost... Because Jimmy Bongo's is one of the most erotically charged people I've ever seen. Not about it. We have eyes in our heads. You Joe Bongo, normal, total... I mean, I'm enjoying chatting with you,

getting to know you. When Jimmy Bongo's just played Wipeout, I got turned on. If that happened to me, I can only imagine women listening intimately through earbuds must just be like Fettuccine Alfredo

in their pants. So they're listening on an iPod, your holes. Hello? What do you mean? You said they're listening through earbuds. Yeah, so you're listening to recordings of him? No, women who are listening

to this episode of talking tank right now. They just heard Jimmy Bongo's just annihilate and must just be dripping wet. That's probably right. That's probably right. I feel like we should end this episode of talking tank and get back to it. I don't know that his sex life has remained

until why he came on the show. That's fine. Let's do plugs. No, no plugs. Let's do plugs for this episode of talking tank, I mean. Okay, go ahead. Do your plugs. We can move on. So you're in this band. What is it? Rosebush Red is the name of my band

and it's made up of... I'm the only faculty member on the band. This band has been going for a long time and it just sort of cycles through other members as they graduate. I'd say it's been about okay, so, all right. And then people will graduate

and they're kicked out of the band like Minuto? Well, it's not that they're kicked out. I'd be more than happy. A lot of them are very talented. I'd love them to stick around. And once or twice, I shouldn't say this, but once or twice I have flunked somebody in health class just so they can stick around for another year. It was like a particularly good guitarist.

Well, you know what it's been, in both instances it's been bassist because it's hard to find somebody who wants to play the bass. Forget somebody who's great on the bass. In the health final and then they got to stick around for another year. Another year just for health class? It's happening in both cases.

These are smart kids and they take all A's and B pluses and whatnot. They flunked health class and that's it, buddy. You're around for a whole other year. It'd be just like a summer, like three weeks. Yeah, can't you just make it up? I am the summer school teacher. I shouldn't be telling you any of this stuff

because in those cases what I'll do is like I'll wait right up until the beginning of summer school and I can't do it and they cancel the summer school. They cancel the summer school? They cancel the summer school, the health unit. And then that's it, so he's out of luck. And you're the only person who would know if you have a hernia or not, right? There's no text.

You're faking, you don't have a hernia. Oh, I do get hernias, but I... From the bongos is that sort of the... From carrying the bongos? We're not playing them. They're very tired playing them. These look like very heavy bongos. These are very heavy bongos and I'll be,

I don't have a good carry. Is there some sort of apparatus that you could carry? There must be bongo player magazine that sells these kind of machinery that would make it easier to... I'm not made of money, I don't have that. You're just a simple health teacher. Yeah, I can't subscribe to bongo magazine.

I can't buy a bongo bag. I'd love to buy a bongo bag. There's a bag for bongos. Is this sort of like Santa's sack where you have to drape it over your shoulder? I mean, it seems like it would be more difficult. Bongos are not that large. Yeah, and then you're using your back rather than...

I don't have money for a backpack. You don't have money for a... How's a student ever left one in your class? This is a lost and found at Marina Del Rio High School full of backpacks. Yeah, sure, but you gotta get there real early to be able to raid the lost and found. That's what they do in the day after.

You're getting in her hours. All the time. Sometimes and sometimes at very late. It happens the day after the last day of school. When you go to the faculty on the lost and found, you gotta see this. It's like fucking Walmart on Christmas Day. People go crazy.

On Christmas Day? That's when Walmart is the craziest. I don't know. I would think Black Friday. Well, that's the secret shopping day, of course, of Walmart. Christmas Day, secret shopping day. Everything is free. Everything is 90% off.

They must have guns and stuff that they've confiscated from students and stuff like that. They just open it up by the day after the last day of school. Hey, take whatever you like. Guns, knives, brass knuckles. Black Jacks? Other weapons from the 40s and 50s? Here, gas cannons.

Tommy Gunn. A lot of gas masks. Gas masks? Why are they confiscating gas canisters? Why are they confiscating gas masks? Or does it come in a set with mustard gas masks? The assumption is that if you brought a gas mask to school,

number ten. There we go. Bongo versus bongos. And if people don't know, Andy actually had bongos that he brought into the studio. Oh, yeah, he's playing them constantly. Also, what you might not,

you missed in this clip. Classic Charles stopped by. Classic Charles did come by. You are listed as one of the performers on this episode. I think that bugs people. Because people get excited, they go, Azook's PFT Andy Daily episode,

that's great, and then you're just in there for a second doing Classic. If you don't know what Classic Charles is, listen to the Comedy Bang Bang DVD commentary that actually is coming out in a week or two or something like that. Is it really? But only made to order on Amazon, I think.

But it will have extras and everything. These are the last extras they're ever going to commission. Unfortunately, they're not commissioning them enough, and I'm going to put them out somewhere down the line myself. Well, there you go. What's the point of being an eccentric millionaire

if you can't pay for your own DVD extras? But yeah, that was great. Of course, after this clip, it gets demented when we find that Jimmy Bongo's is an entirely different personality from Joe Bongo and perhaps a murderous one at that. Oh, it took its turn, I wasn't expecting. But that's a great episode that

I'm happy to see that's so high. I kind of thought it might get overlooked. That was a really funny episode. Yeah, a really, really funny episode. All right, we have to take two breaks. We have to take two breaks. Me hitting you and you hitting the floor. You breaking the floor.

Breaking the floor. Breaking the floor. Breaking the floor. Breaking the floor. Oh, you're doing a little bit of something. I'm doing breaking the law, parody. We need to take two breaks. We'll be right back with more comedy, baby, after this. Hey, guys. I would love to celebrate the holidays with you,

but I'm stuck at home building my website. How many times have you heard that and said that? Two separate questions. I'll take my answers off air. Well, building a website, it is tough. Even if you do know your way around coding, creating something that looks good, but also sometimes even more importantly, works well,

is a time-consuming affair. Well, whether it's for a business site, a portfolio, what else do you have? A restaurant. All you restaurant tours out there listening to the show. All you chefs working in your chef's kitchens. Well, whatever website you have in this day and age, you need one, so why don't you go get one?

Lucky for us, Squarespace makes it easy to build beautiful websites without even breaking a sweat. And I can attest to this because if you've gone to comedybangbangjokesexplained.com, you can see the power of what Squarespace can do. One of the best sites on the net. Well, Squarespace makes it easy. Not only does Squarespace provide you with intuitive

and easy-to-use tools to create your website with, Squarespace also has state-of-the-art technology. All right, they're not using last year's technology, they're using this year's. And next year, they'll use next year's, believe me. They are powering your site to ensure stability, security, and you know you can trust in Squarespace for your website needs when millions of people

and some of the most respected brands in the world trust in them too. Seriously, you cannot beat the ease and simplicity of Squarespace. They give you 24-7 online support and beautiful websites. Just go to comedybangbangjokesexplained.com and you'll see exactly what we're talking about. So what are you waiting for? Start a trial with no credit card required

and start building your website today. When you decide to sign up for Squarespace, make sure you use this offer code Bang Bang. You're gonna get 10% off your first purchase and you're gonna show your support for the show. Thanks, Squarespace. Build it beautiful. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back here with Paula of Tompkins.

Those are two good breaks. And I believe we probably did do two breaks on measure. I bet we did. Welcome back. We've cracked the top 10 and rightfully so. Who better than us? We've cracked them. Like it's a case we had to solve.

Yeah, it was a cold case. And who better than us? What are these top 10 gonna be? We gotta get this in the black. Scott, I feel like we're like the Sherlock and Watson of cracking the top 10. Who am I? Who would you like to be?

I don't wanna be Sherlock. He's so cool. I think you have to be because you're taller. I think he's a heroin addict. I thought he was a cocaine addict. I thought he was a heroin as well. Well, it's the 7% solution. I'm not sure.

Which is cocaine and heroin, I think. Oh, okay, yeah. The Speedball, as they call it. The famous Marvel character, Speedball. Did they have a... Based on that. No, it wasn't based on that. Cloak and Dagger, though.

They were... Oh, that's right. They took drugs to get their powers. They were in the inner city. Did they take drugs to get their powers? Oh, I thought they were like... That's a lot like Limitless, too. I want that pill.

I want that pill. Give me that pill. Hey, hey, hey. Analyze this. Analyze this and that. Analyze this and that. There's a commercial now for that movie Joy. Mm-hmm.

Where I guess David O'Russell is just like... This is the inside-out spin-off movie, right? Yeah. David O'Russell is just like, I don't wanna have to worry about casting anymore. Just the same people all the time. Same people. Remember, you saw this last year.

You're seeing it again. Yeah, now they have different beards and wigs. Yeah, but that's the only difference. But there's a... In the trailer, at one point, Robert Jr. was like, I'm proud of you. I gotta admit, I'm proud of you. I'm proud.

Is that the very first line I wonder? Oh, I hope it is. Because I don't wanna see someone's emotional arc resolved in the trailer. You know what I mean? What if it's like it starts off with, I'm proud of you, and then he learns to not be proud? Yeah, he learns to be ashamed. I'm ashamed of you.

I learned. You know what I learned through this process? Give me that pill. Give me that pill. All right, we have to get to your next episode on the countdown. This is making me laugh. The idea of it. I'm gonna take a drug and be smart.

And that was a TV show, right? That's a TV show. Boy, oh boy. All right, this is your number nine. Number nine. All right, this is from June 4th. June 4th, this is episode 354. Ooh.

354. What could it be? What could it be? This is an episode called Solo Bolo Doslo. Oh, shit. And let me explain this a little bit. The Solo Bolo, the first Solo Bolo episode, was in our top 10 last year, I believe.

And that was Ben Schwartz and I. Usually you heard from him a little earlier in the countdown. Usually we do. So don't be a dick. You heard from him earlier. You heard from him earlier. Come on, guys. You know who he is.

Come on. Jesus. The voice of BB-8. Come on. I got balls. Boop, boop. I got balls. I got balls.

He's got the one ball. He's got two balls. He's got a ball on top of his head. That's not a ball. This is a ball. You think that's a growth? This is a ball. Well, because of the shape of it, it's not like a true.

It's like a half ball. It's like a growth on a ball. Half ball. It's like if you had that in your test, if you had a BB-8 in your test, you'd be like, doc, cut it out. Stop joking around. And fix my balls.

Fix my balls. Ball. Balls. Okay. Why did they not? They could have had me do the voice of BB-8. Yeah. Why Ben and not you?

Why was that not a perfect audition? I'm ball joint. I got to roll out of here. Honestly, I think it's the Jews sticking together. If you know what I mean. What did you write? You know what I'm saying? JJ and Ben.

JJ means Juju Abrams. Juju. And you know Ben's real name? Ben Schwartzstein. He shortened it to sound less Jewish. Oh my gosh. Boy, if I see him again, he's going to get an earful. Anti-Semitism?

Yes. Great. From me, the biggest anti-Semite in the world. There's Mrs. Anti-Semite. She's gorgeous. It's like Santa Claus where they, someone takes his name and then they give anti-Semite toys every year. What?

Well, when I hear Mrs. Anti-Semite, it's like Mrs. Claus. That was the opening to Heart to Heart. Oh, when they got together, it was murder. Yeah. That's my boss, Mr. H. He's quite a guy. That was a bold TV move. That was a TV show from the 80s.

To have a secondary character. To have a secondary character, but also to hire a guy who is clearly going to drop dead any moment. We're going to make him a major character. Did he drop dead in the middle of the filming? I think he made it. It was a coach situation? I think he made it the whole run of the show.

Did he? Sometimes I think about that when you like, you know, they're like, Oh my God, we got this amazing actor. He's 90. That night court went through two old ladies before they're like, Let's get someone young. Let's get someone young. Jeremy Piven.

Jeremy Piven. Jeremy Piven. Went to UTA. Oh, yeah. All right. You know what people said when the entourage movie came out? Oh, no. Mr. Belvedere style.

Oh, no. Hey, that was 2015, the year that was. This is best week ever. What was 2015? The entourage movie. Can you believe it, dear? Mr. Belvedere also 2015. Mr. Belvedere reboot?

Mr. Belvedere sitting on his own balls. Streaks on the China. They put like a little scratching behind it. So solo Bolo, what is it? Ben Schwartz, when he is on the show, we usually do a segment before the character comes on of just us riffing. And one day he said,

why don't we do the whole show like this? And thus a solo Bolo was born. How did that happen? Had the first one. How did it happen? Because it was just the two of you. It was just the two of us. Yeah.

And was it, was it that he suggested it in another episode? In another episode, he should do, he said we should do a whole episode like this and call it a solo Bolo. Meanwhile, cut to the first solo Bolo, I say, and you named it the solo Bolo. And he said, no, I didn't. Now cut to this solo Bolo,

DOSLO, which is the second solo Bolo. I retell that story and he's like, oh, did I name it? And then I told the story and he goes, I don't think I named it. He's like, he can't get a, like a grip on reality, this guy. I think he is detached from reality.

He's a man. I think he's mentally ill. I think, I do believe that he should be in a rubber room. I do believe that he should be in a rubber room. I'll say, I'll say, I'll say. All right. So solo Bolo's basically all there, all they are is just me, Ben, trapped in a room,

a lot of riffing. Trapped in a room. We are trapped. It's like, yeah. It's a locked door situation. It's a locked door situation. Yeah. It's a locked room mystery as well.

We try to solve a mystery by the end. Is it like one of those escape rooms? Yeah, exactly. It's a long complicated puzzle that if either of us can solve, we can get out, but instead we just decide to do a show. We sing a lot and this particular solo Bolo, DOSLO goes off the rails immediately

within the first few minutes with the second of two word stumbles I made in episodes this year which turned into t-shirts. So this was the second of these and you'll hear it. Oh, this was, this is the second. This is the second one. I thought this was first. It was, you're right.

Yeah. It was the first word. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Baking a plane cake. Baking a plane cake. All right. This was the first one.

You're right. So we made a t-shirt out of this. You'll hear it right from the jump here. It's one of the first things that happens. Here we are. This is your number nine. Number nine. Let's get ready to rumble.

No, I'll joke you sound a salad. I'll joke you a salad. Oh, a new t-shirt. A new t-shirt was born. And in this moment, a new t-shirt was born. I'll joke you a salad. And then it just has a picture of a salad. The last thing you see for John Ralphio is he fakes his own death.

Yes, of course. And then, of course, fakes his own death. And then he starts a casino in Tajikistan. Yes. The Parks and Rec gave me a wrap. They gave people wrap gifts. Oh, that sounds so nice for you. They're very nice.

And they found some extra ones because I'm not main cast. And they're like, we actually have some for you. And so a person came by to drop it off. Who is this person? This person, I believe, was Mike Scherr's assistant. And what is Mike Scherr's assistant's name? You know what? I don't know if it was...

A person drops a present off for you? At the time I did, I invited her inside and everything. Oh, really? How long did she say? Probably two days. Really? Yeah. What did you do to this woman?

Oh, God. Can I see what I do when I get a woman to myself? Yeah, let's go. Okay, here we go. All right. This is CBB After Dark. Here we go. All right.

Benny's going to tell us what he does to a woman. What I do? Oh. Try to get a woman in my place. Try to lock that door real quick so she can't get away. Right? And then, Scott, pretend you're the girl. I'll be like, hey, baby.

How are you? Hi, Benny. I love you. I'm toxic red. Oh, thank you. What do you want to do to me? Wait, first of all, how old are you? I'm two.

I'm this many. Two? I'm this many. Oh, baby. You know I like them young. Oh, baby. I like them young. Oh, baby.

I like them young. Oh, baby. I like them young. My name's Maggie Simpson. Shit. We're back. We're back, baby. We're back, baby.

Solovolo call back. Everybody saying it again. Benny Schwab. Oh. Tin roof. Rusty. Get it fixed. Seriously.

So she comes by and she gives me the little bag of trinkets for the thing. And she goes, actually it was a lot of really, I believe. Cuff links? No, Nick Offerman in his wood shop made a, out of a piece of wood he carved something to look like Indiana. And then he stamped wherepony would have been on it. And in the back it said from the crew or from the cast or whatever. It's kind of interesting.

Don't you think that Chris Pratt, he spends so much time in Indiana, but he's signing up to spend more time in Indiana? I'm sorry? Jones, of course. Why is the Hollywood reporter not making mention of this? That's a great, by the way, do you stop doing headlines? Let me get away first. Let me tell you the problem.

I don't want to play our headline game. I would send in headlines so many times a day. I know. I'm going to give you news items and you're going to give me a headline for them. Okay. We'll go back and forth. Meaning what? I'm going to give you the story and you give me like the New York post version of that

headline. Indiana goes back. All right. But so they come by and she goes, there's one more thing, Mike. There's one more thing. Mike Duggan Morgan wanted you to have. She took off her beautiful dress. Really sweet girl.

No. And so she goes, it's in the trunk. Will you help me get it out? Oh, it's in the trunk. I was like, okay. And we take out the gravestone of John Ralphio and she goes, they go, they wanted you to have it. They don't like, what are they going to do with it?

They don't need it. Yeah. And I was like, amazing. I'm going to give you a story. Here we go. And then you give me the funny headline. All right. Okay.

Ready? Inside of a zoo one day, all the monkeys got out of their cages and ate all the food. And all the pedestrians ran away. Okay. What's the headline? Banana. Banana. Banana.

Banana. Banana. Banana. Banana. Banana. Banana. Banana. Banana is no longer.

Slippery pedestrian slip on out of zoo. Okay. So I made a mistake. You're terrible at this. God. This is my first attempt at it. It's a huge headline. You're so good at it.

Give me anyone. Give me a different story. All right. Here we go. Watch this. Virginia Sam, get off your phone. You're going to hear this. All right.

Here we go. At the airport. Already got a great one. Keep going. All right. Just shy. Just shy. No.

Well, I'll do that. None of your funny headlines. You're so good at. Yeah. I didn't think so. I said a couple of monkeys came out of their cages. What about a trader? A trader publishes secrets onto WikiLeaks and flees to Russia.

America's biggest trader. Make a funny headline out of that. Sure. Snowden. Kids are no longer snowed in. I was going to say. Go the Olympic challenge. All right.

The Olympic music challenge. One of us starts to sing a song. It can be any song. Real song? It doesn't have to be a real song. These all have to be real songs. It doesn't have to be from a musical. It can be a pop song.

It can be a musical song. It can be anything. The other person tries to join along and at the natural conclusion of the other person's song. The other person has to segue seamlessly into a new song. I love this. And whoever doesn't. Stop.

Whoever loses the line. Whoever can't think of another song. And if you don't know the words exactly, try to keep on. That's fine. It's fine. Not knowing the words. Basically all it is is just trying to. Is this the first time you ever played this?

This is the first time we've ever done this. Can we name it after Solobolo? Okay. Let's call it Solobolo Olympic Song Challenge. Great. All right. Here we go. It's time for Solobolo Olympic Song Challenge.

Starring Scott Ackerman and. Benny Schwatt. Thank you so much for saying who's starring in it. Because a lot of times we don't do that. Of course. Yeah. Well, when this is on the best of, I want people to know. Okay.

Good. Here we go. So do you want to start with a song? Or should I start? Yes. I'll start with a song. Ready? Okay.

Here we go. Can you feel the love tonight? Can you feel? It has to be a little more than that. Oh, I'm sorry. That's good. I feel like we should. Can't go that quickly.

Hakuna Matata. What a wonderful phrase. Hakuna Matata. Ain't no passing craze. It means no worries. For the rest of your days. Hakuna Matata. Do.

Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do.

Do. Do. Do. Do. Hakuna Matata. Do. Do. Do.

Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Maybe far away.

Or maybe real nearby. He'll be pouring her coffee. She'll be straightening her coffee. She'll be straightening his tie. Maybe in a house. Or maybe by a hill. He'll be eating a salad. She'll be riding her bike.

She'll be riding her wheel. Maybe they're smart. Maybe they're cool. Maybe they went to private school. Somewhere over the rainbow. Well up high. There's a land that I dream of. Once in a lullaby.

Feed the birds. Toppins a bag. Toppins a bag. Chimney, chim, chimney, chim, chim, geroo. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Hum-de-li-li-hum-de-li. I got a feeling.

Tonight's going to be a good night. I got a feeling. Tonight's going to be a real good night. And I feel like going home. I'm on my way. I am going home. Home is where I'm just about to go. The moment I shut the sheriff.

But I did not shoot the deputy. No, no. Here comes the sun. Here comes the sun. And I say, it's all right. But don't worry. Be happy. Everybody singing.

Bring it back to the Kuno Matata. No, bring it! Kuno Matata. It's a wonderful phrase. Very nice. And that is one of the best ways to get full circle that I've ever heard. That is an improv game. Yeah, that's like, wow, that's amazing.

It's an improv game we should have one time. As long as you always start on Kuno Matata and then don't worry, be happy. You're gonna be fine. Yeah, you're okay. Whatever you sing in the middle, it doesn't matter. Number nine. Well, there it is. And he predicted it.

So Bolo Olympic Song Challenge was in the best of. I think he was kidding when he said it. And the t-shirt, I don't think he was kidding when he said it. I think he was, hearing it back, I think he was kidding like, oh boy, yeah. Because we were about to do it. He's like, oh yeah, I just want to know what it's called when it's in the best of. I think he's doing that on purpose. Yeah, maybe so.

But yeah, the t-shirt, of course, is all joking a salad. We made the t-shirts. I like to imagine someone wearing that t-shirt and explaining it to someone else. Yes, I don't know that. I don't know. I'm imagining someone has to have explained. If you have explained it to someone, please write their reaction to us and send it to us on Twitter and say, yeah, I explained it. Oh, let me write the reaction.

Blank stare. Yeah, very simple. Yeah, there it is. Save you some keyboard clicks. All right, we have to get to our next episode on the countdown. We have to, guys. Here it is. This is your number eight.

Number eight. All right. BB eight. BB eight. This is episode 377. This is, I believe, no, this is not our latest episode in the countdown. This is September 21. Pretty close, though.

And do you remember what you were doing in September? And perhaps what this episode could be? Let's see. September. What happens in September every year? Back to school. Back to school, of course. But once those kitties are off to school, we can enjoy the Emmys.

That's right. And we do. And we do every year. Kids are at school so the grown-ups can watch the Emmys. Go off to school, young lad. I need to watch a four-hour show about television. But when the Emmys come around, quite often we are blessed with people who are coming into town just for the Emmys and they want to do an episode of the show.

Scott, you're absolutely right. And I think I know which episode this is going to be. This year was no exception because this is an episode called Good Night in the Morning. Oh, yes it is. Your episode number eight. Tatiana Maslani and Christian Brune from Orphan Black. They are both big fans of the show. They listen to it every week from what I understand.

They tweet about it constantly. I did not know this. I'd been watching Orphan Black and was like, oh, wow. Those guys are awesome. And then suddenly started receiving tweets from them. I'm like, I think they listened to the show or something. And then they were constantly tweeting about it for a while. And they were retweeting us whenever we would tweet about the show.

And we slowly started to realize that they were fans. I met them both when they came to the San Diego Comic-Con show that we did, that's in the Howl app right now, that we did with Taryn Killum and some other people. Dark Waters. And also, who else was there? Me. You. That's right.

Is that really who you were blanking on? You were like picturing four people on stage. You're like, Taryn Killum should be on the feed. I've done a hundred episodes this year. I can't remember the details of them all. No, I was getting confused with the outside Lance one. Quite honestly. I kept going.

Quite honestly. So we both met them at the San Diego Comic-Con show. And what did they come dressed as? They came dressed as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Yes. Full costume and masks. They assumed, because it was at Comic-Con, that there would be people in costumes there at the theater.

This was a little off-site. This was maybe five miles away from the convention center. And it was mainly San Diego locals, I believe, were at the show. Not tied into Comic-Con in any way. They were the only people dressed up. And you and I really encouraged them to come without telling them that. But I wondered if they also had those costumes because they wanted to be able to walk around unnoticed.

I think they did. Because they would have been mobbed. Maybe, although I think they took off the masks at a certain point. Oh, they would have been mobbed on the Comic-Con floor, definitely. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they came as Ninja Turtles. We took pictures with them.

We talked to them. We saw them the next day. Lovely people. I didn't see them that night, though. You didn't see them? I didn't meet them until the next day. Oh, okay. You met them the next day at Comic-Con.

I met them the next day at Comic-Con. And it was like some weird holding area where I was there with the thrilling venture hour. And we did some signings. And we did like, there's this whirlwind photo thing where they have in this suite of rooms. They have different photographers for different media outlets or whatever. Nothing that I've been invited to, but you're really painting a picture. Really? Yeah.

Well, I don't understand that. But you were just kind of taken from one room to another. Right. And you very quickly take a bunch of pictures. And then that's it. Mr. Tompkins. Mr. Tompkins. No one is doing that.

No, by the way. Look here, Mr. Tompkins. The photographers are all like, I don't know who the fuck these people are. I'll find out later. Why are you wasting? Why are you making me do this? That's how I feel when I do. I am encouraged to walk red carpets a lot these days.

It's humiliating. It's humiliating because you see the person going up and whispering in their ear. This is a comic-comedy bang bang. They write it down to take a note of it. And then I imagine the minute I walk past them, they go, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete all of their pictures. No, I honestly think they're like, all right, I guess I'll hold onto this. If I find out this person is somebody that you never are.

Right. But it is, I've seen people put cameras down. It's mortified. Cameras down, everyone. Tompkins is here. Oh, we don't have to worry about this guy. So there's this room in between where you can hang out, the in-between room. And you can hang out there and have as many red bulls and kind bars as you want.

And so that's where I met Tatiana and Christian. They, like I turned around and they were walking towards me and they, it was adorable. They had the biggest smiles on their faces. Like it was as if we were pen pals and we had been corresponding. We're finally meeting for the first time in person. Except it had been one-sided in a lot of way. I mean, you know, we watch Orphan Black. Yeah, I had seen the show, but I had never talked to them in any way.

Maybe once, like that weekend on Twitter or something, they were the sweetest people. And they were clearly like huge comedy fans. Yeah. So it's Canadian, Canadian. Canadians. That's the only thing that explains it. Honestly, I really do think that's what it is because there's such a strong, there's such a strong comedic sensibility in Canada because they're a big country with a relatively

small population. And their comedy scene is insanely strong for the amount of people that populate their country. They love to laugh. They love to laugh. They've got nothing better to do up there. But they produce great comedy, but also I think they produce great comedy fans. Yes.

And we found that out when we went up to Toronto recently. Yes. Not recently, but a year or so ago. Yeah. And hopefully we will be back very soon. And those guys are both very funny on their own, right? And their storyline, because Tatiana obviously plays a million characters on the show. She plays it, yeah.

If you've not watched Orphan Black, you really should. It's Tour de Force from her, and Christian does pretty well too. Hi, Christian. He only plays one guy. Yes. She plays like 12 different people, and they're all wildly different. Yeah. But the character she plays with Christian is, I think kind of you could say that's the

comic relief of the show. Yeah. She's the uptight housewife, suburban housewife, who was in a musical. Oh, that musical was so good. Yeah. So like they have a lot of fun together because she's playing the comic relief character, and he's sort of playing the comic relief character. Yeah.

And you know, he still has a lot of stuff going on. Don't want to spoil anything. It's a little dark. Don't want to spoil anything. I want that pill. I want that pill. We will spoil that he wants the pill. That's the one thing we will spoil.

He does want the pill. He does want it. But so anyway, so when the Emmys came around, they work in Toronto. That's where they film Orphan Black. When the Emmys came around, I had been hearing, oh yeah, they're big fans or through the publicist, oh, they'd like to do the show at some point or something. When the Emmys came around, you have to understand when you are an Emmy nominated actress and you are coming into town just for the Emmys, your schedule is packed.

Yes. They pack it with as much promo as possible in order to capitalize on the availability of being there and they're trying to get your name out there as much as possible in order to maybe garner a win or at least just garner publicity for the show. And so these guys did not have time to do this, one would think. They put aside two hours of their day and as they told their publicist who's a good friend of mine, it was something they really, really wanted to do. So they absolutely made time for it.

And so this was the episode. They were big fans. By the way, I'd first heard that Tatiana was such a big fan when she met Lauren Lapkus at a SAG Awards thing, I think, when Lauren had said hi to Andy Sandberg and they did the episode where they, we all did the Hollywood facts theme over and over and over again. And Tatiana made a beeline for them and started doing the Hollywood facts theme too. So Lauren wrote to me and said, hey, Tatiana Maslini is a big fan of the show. So that's where I first heard about it.

So I knew I had to get Lauren. I knew I had to get you. And so this is an episode called Good Night in the Morning. Oh, we haven't gotten the clip yet? No, we haven't done the clip yet. Sorry. You and Lauren hadn't really decided what you were going to do before the episode. Not at all.

Neither of us have. Nor did you think you were going to do it together. No, we did not have separate plans of characters to do. But you were living separate lives. Yeah. You have no rights to ask me. Ask me how I feel. You have no rights.

This is the perfect key for this song. The lowest version. You got no rights. You are the maximum drama of the song. You have no right to ask me how I feel. You got no right to speak to me so kind. Which is funnier, starting too high or starting too low? Because I think starting too low is underrated.

It really is. It's underrated. We both were like, oh boy, should have taken that up quite a bit. So we, it was right before, right before we started recording. And I said, do you want to do something together? And she said, sure. And I said, what should we be? And she said, let's be morning DJs.

And that was it. That was the only preparation that we did. Morning DJs. And I think you said what your names were. They ended up being Chasman. That's you. Chasman and Sunny. That's right.

We talked to you guys for a while. For a while. You changed your voice midway. Yes, because I started doing it. There was a thing in my head that I was going for. But when it came out, because I wanted to do like. Like cheesy morning DJs. Yeah.

There's a certain type of voice where these guys sound like, they really sound horse and raw. Like they've been doing coke all night. And then they have this morning radio show. Right. And it was not coming out right. And it sounded way too much like. Like Tom like it.

James Hadome and doing Tom like it. And so I. You switched it up. It was all I could think about. It was like, this isn't, this isn't what I want to do. Yeah. So at one, at maybe 10 minutes and you said, you cleared your throat and you,

then you did your, the voice. Just a more generic sounding voice. But it was great. Look how high it is. It's number eight. No, I think the things that we were saying was funny. If I had had more time to prepare, I probably would have done a more specific voice.

Sure. But hey, you'd beckers campy choosers. No. And I was begging. You were all beggers. No one would let me choose. So we talked to Jasmine and Sunny for a while and then their producer, Scarsdale came in.

And this is your number eight. Number eight. Um, so. Good night. Good morning. Is it called good night in the morning because you wrap up at night? Yes. No.

I don't know. It's called good night in the morning because the show starts in the morning. It goes all God damn day. Then at nighttime, someone puts a cover over us. So we know it's time to go to sleep. In our cage. We pour some Nyquil.

We do the show in a giant cage. We drink shots at night. Good night. That's right. Who puts this carpet over you? Or just rug or whatever? Blanket. No one ever said it was a carpet or a rug.

Blanket is a little bit closer. But I know that there's a language difference because we're from different countries. Sorry. We call blankets carpets. That's right. Yeah. Like your security carpet.

Yeah, exactly. Like Linus. What was the question? Oh, who does it? It's our producer, Scarsdale. Is Scarsdale here? Of course he is. He's always with us all the time.

He lingers. Learn here. All right. Here comes Scarsdale. Hello. Hi, Scarsdale. Hello. I am Scarsdale.

You have an interesting phenomenon going on with your voice here. Oh, really? What do you think my voice sounds like? It sounds like two people are talking at the same time. Do you have two tracheas and larynxes? Do I have two tracheas and larynxes? No.

Well, then what accounts for this strange phenomenon I'm hearing? I just sound like me to me. Well, I've heard of people with six octave voices, but you're literally speaking, I think, two octaves in two totally separate octaves. Oh, you know what it is. I'm Tibetan.

Oh, I see. You're like breathing in while you're breathing out. That's right. I'm doing that all the time. Okay, very good, Scarsdale. How did you meet these two? How did I meet Sunny? It's interesting because occasionally,

and very rarely, I have to say, you sound as if your two voices are not saying the word that the other voice is saying. Well, I don't know what you're talking about in the first place, so I don't know why it would sound like that. Your Tibetan breathing sort of laps there for a second. This guy, Scarsdale, he's quite a character. He's so annoying.

We make fun of him all the time on the show. We hate him. We can't stand him. Get hooked up with this guy. Oh, he followed us home. That's right. We were leaving the studio the first day we did the show without a producer,

and I remember walking home to the home we share. Well, we're not married, but we are roommates. We are. Did you call roommates for 40 years? Uh-oh. I didn't say that. No, I don't think. I actually think she did not say that.

I didn't. I know I didn't. Good night. Good night. So he followed you home and the rest is history. Yeah, he followed us home, but you're not curious. I am. It seemed like you were moving on.

No, it seemed like you were done with hearing this story. I've never done with hearing your story. However, to address your comment, the rest is indeed history. Everything is. Well, yeah, Scarsdale followed us home, and we said... What were you thinking, Scarsdale?

Why follow these two home? I wanted to break into the radio business. That makes sense. So you wanted to break into the radio business, so then, Sonny, I mean, you see a... I thought he was going to say, I wanted to break into their home. That's what I thought he was going to say.

I thought he sounded like that little guy from Twin Peaks. Rewind? Is that his name? That's right. Little Rewind from Twin Peaks. I hope he makes it to the new episodes that are coming to... Showtime.

Showtime. Somebody stop me. I know mine. So we followed you home. Did I do that? You got it, dude. Not the mama. What was your question?

Followed you home and then broke into the house or just stood outside? We leave the door ajar because we're both very afraid of suffocating in our own home. Okay, it seems like you'd be more afraid of burglars or a home invasion. I would rather be straddling my sleep by a burglar than suffocate because I left the door closed.

I don't know how you feel about it, Sonny. The same. You know that. That was a trick question. Razzle, dazzle. Well, I know these guys. I mean, have you guys heard these guys? I mean, are you in Canada?

Do you know? Is your show broadcasting? I think we're in some provinces. Saskatchewan. Probably Saskatchewan. Saskatchewan and the Northern provinces. The territories, if you will. Oh, these are big things.

Do you guys make fun of those places? Is that like Saskatchewan? Is that like a funny joke? I mean, I grew up there. So I can do it. Careful. I can make fun of it. I believe that the place everyone makes one of is

Newfoundland. That's where all the dum-dums are. Oh. Is that true, Tatiana? Yes. Is it because they named their place the most obvious name? We Newfound in this place. It was a real placeholder name that they never got around to filling in.

So, you guys are, I'm reading some of your press materials here. Oh, good. Oh, those got sent over, finally. Finally, yes. I admit I didn't know anything about you before you got in here. Thanks a lot, Skarsdale. Thanks for studying. Oh.

But you guys have, you've been on the air for 40 years. You're about to go into your 41st season. That's right. And you've been on since 1965, which is an amazing run. Don't remind me. My feet are tired from that amazing run. And you guys do marathons every day. That's right.

Every single day. Before you tape the show. We run a marathon. 6.02 p.m. That's right. Wait, after the show we do it? Well, it's before the next day show. Before the next day show.

Are you unsure? I have a timeline question. Sure. Absolutely. You've been doing this for 40 years. That's correct. You said you started in 1965. That's right.

Was there a hiatus period of 10 years where you didn't, where you weren't on the air? Oh, that's, it is a good question because the math is not adding up. It's not adding up. And people have been driven crazy by this. Here's what we do. I always wondered what were those dark days? Wow. We do a year on, a year off.

Sometimes we'll take two years off at a time. Sometimes, sometimes it's been a whole year running a marathon. I sleep in a casket. Well, then I would think that you would be very afraid of suffocation because of that casket. It's open. Oh, okay. I'm sorry.

It's an open casket. Out of respect for the family. I have a baboon heart. But are you doing these marathons with sheets over you? Yes, of course we are. But with high holes cut out. No, a lot of people think we're ghosts. Yeah, of course.

For these nighttime marathons? Yes. We're running. We have sheets over our heads. Unsanctioned. With high holes. These are not real marathons. They are not.

The city does not, does not support these. How long are these supposed marathons then? Well, they're the traditional marathon length. 26.2 miles. Something miles. Okay. Ten hours. The Skarsdale is there by the side of the road with cups of water for us to pour over

our sheets. So you're doing like a wet sheet contest as well? Well, it turns into a wet sheet contest. And every year, it's every year's sunny winds. Wait, it's yearly. We do it. You do the races daily. We do races daily.

We do the wet. So it's sort of cumulative. You tally up the points at the end of the race. That's exactly right. And at the end of the year. Then we have a big banquet where we award medals. So some days you're winning. Some days Sunny is winning.

No, Sunny always wins. Oh, every single day? Every single day. But Skarsdale never races with you guys at all? Skarsdale, he can't run. He can't run. He's got terrible knees. They're made of wood.

Were they replaced or were you born that way? He was born that way. The Lady Gaga special. That's what our song's about. That's right. Lady Gaga, we play a lot of Lady Gaga on our show. We talk over it. We talk over it every single time.

Fantastic. Skarsdale, you were born with wooden knees. Are you? Yes. Who are your parents? What do you mean? Skarsdale's got to collect himself. He seems to be having a little bit of...

It's a very emotional topic for him. What do you mean? Who are my parents? Obviously. My parents. My father? Skarsdale, get a hold of yourself. My father was Gepetto and my mother was Tinkerbell.

So from two different Disney classics? Yeah, that's what he said. That's exactly what he said. Great, great. So they opened up the Disney vault and those two got together? They buoyed, as we say. In the vault, I think. Oh, really?

Yeah, you know who watched Song of the South? Never coming out of that vault. Never coming out. And he's got nothing else to do in that vault. That's exactly right. Yeah. We used to sleep in a vault. Really?

Yeah, that got tight. Once we started making money. I think that's when we developed the claustrophobia as well. Maybe a little. I love sleeping next to you. I love sleeping next to you, sonny. My partner in business whom I am not married to. Have you guys ever dated outside of this relationship?

Oh, I'm married. Oh, you are married. Wait, who are you married to? Phil Collins, ever heard of him? Well, the singer? Yeah. Oh, okay. In the air tonight?

Yeah, he's there. Every night. So he's sleeping next to you then? No, he tours a lot. No, he tours a lot. It's good for Sonny to have someone sleep next to you. When you say tours, I know he's not touring with musically anymore. He just goes on safaris.

He's doing a lot of lectures where he shows the movie Buster and then he talks about it. Sort of live action commentary that he does. Very good, very good. Very good. And where did you meet Phil Collins? It's so interesting. Take a wild guess.

Okay, live aid. Yeah. Were you on the Concorde? The obvious answer. I thought I had AIDS. I showed up. Wait, okay, this is an interesting story. Sonny had an AIDS scare that lasted, I'm going to say, a good 10 years.

And so you thought the best place to get a cured was Live Aid? I thought it was Liv. Sonny, you got to do something. And she saw the story of the paper about this concert. Liv AIDS. And she said, that's got to be the answer. So you went. Very disappointed.

Is this in Philadelphia or is this in London? Wherever it was. It was in both cities. So you're in Philadelphia, I would imagine. Yeah, I'm American. Okay, so you see Phil Collins. You think you have AIDS. What do you say to him?

Help me, doctor. You think he's a doctor because he's bald. He can't possibly be a pop star. Well, to be fair, he was wearing a lab coat at the time. Okay. With a signature backstage look. It would come off right as soon as the lights hit him on stage. He'd throw the lab coat off.

Well, his parents always wanted him to go into the medical industry. And this was kind of a fuck you to them. Okay. So you start dating Phil Collins. That's a nice word. Okay, so you start having sex with him immediately? They began a sexual relationship almost immediately. And this is very generous of Phil Collins' part.

Still not sure that Sonny does not have acquired immune deficiency syndrome. The first thing I told him was that I had AIDS. And next thing I told him was, fuck me harder. Oh boy. Phil Collins is a real adventurer. A real adventurer is some spirit. But you know, that's the rock and roll lifestyle. That's right.

I, of course, am a widower. Oh, really? Yes. To whom were you married? A woman with AIDS who died. Oh, God. I mean, that's what she told me. She left a note saying, dear Jasmine, when you read this, I'm dead from AIDS.

And you've never seen her again. Never seen? Well, she's dead. Her name was Belissima. Belissima? Yeah. Oh, she sounds beautiful. She was.

Yeah. Describe her for me if you could. She was four feet tall. She had five foot long hair. Oh, wow. Beautiful, like Crystal Gale, but one better. It was like, hey. She had a beautiful blue eye.

Just one? Well, I can't see one. She had the bluest eye. I could see one through there. She was a huge Tony Morrison fan. And she had a wonderful singing voice. She used to sing to me every night. Oh, that's beautiful.

What would she sing to you? She would sing the alphabet. Only public domain songs. That's right. Would she give you an acronym? Like, was it an acronym? Yeah. She would sing the alphabet.

Then she would tell me what the alphabet stood for. Oh, let's hear a little bit of it if you remember. Oh, sure. That's beautiful. Well, the song you probably know. Sure. But I'd love to hear it. Would you really?

I really would. It's my favorite song. OK. It goes a little something like this. A, B, C, D, E, G, G, G, G, G, L. B, G, R, C, B, G, G, O, Z. I love that. It's so beautiful.

Such a beautiful melody. Beautiful song. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fastest rendition I've ever heard. That's how she, well, we were trying to go to sleep. So I would demand that she sing to me every night. And then she said, hey, I've worked up a new arrangement

for the album and song. Maybe you'd like this one. Yeah. And then she would hit me with that. Boy, I have fond memories, fond memories. Every time I hear the alphabet, I remember my dead wife. So anything in the alphabet, so anytime anyone speaks? Well, anytime somebody says letters.

Oh, so, OK. So was watching Happy Days very, very difficult for you? Because they would sing Monday, Tuesday, and Happy Days? No, because he would say A all the time. Oh, the character fobs you was very cool. Yes. And of course, anytime anyone on anything says U when they address someone in the second person.

I would imagine going to see B movie was just a terrible experience for you. Yeah, but not for that reason. OK. That's a straight up classic joke structure. Number eight. Oh, great clip, huh? That was, that was a really fun day.

That was such every one day. Everyone was, it was a Sunday. We had a fun day. Wednesday, Wednesday. Two for Tuesday. Two for Tuesday. Thursday, Thursday. Throwback Thursday as well.

Thank God it's Friday. Oh, TGIF. Oh, TGIF. Oh, are you dumb. TGIF. TGIF. Respect, TGIF. Later on in that episode, you should go back and listen to it.

Tatiana jumps in and plays Belissima. Yes. Chasman's wife and Christian played Phil Collins. Yeah, Sonny's husband. Sonny's a strange husband. Yes. This is one of the only episodes of the show that I've listened to twice. Really?

Yes. Thanks a lot, I guess. All right, let's go to... Weird slam. It wasn't a slam. What are you talking about? Why should you even listen to them once? I don't have fucking time to go back and listen to all this shit more than once.

I listened to it once. You were there in the once. Yes, I didn't have to listen to it ever again. That's how I feel. I, in making these clips, I hear these episodes for the first time since we actually... You have no right to say that. That's how I feel. That's the sweet spot right there.

We need to go to a break when we come back. We will have your number seven. Do you love books? The end. No, do you love books, but you find you don't have time to read them? Well, that's my problem. I'm too busy living a life that they'll write about in books. Am I right, folks?

Maybe not. Well, anyway, Audible.com has the perfect solution to this age-old problem. It's a new-ish solution. Go get audiobooks and listen to the books you've been meaning to read while you're on the go at the gym during your commute when your wife is talking to you. Audible.com provides over 180,000 audio programs from the leading audiobook publishers, broadcasters, entertainers, magazine and newspaper publishers, and business information providers.

Their app is free. It works on iPhones, iPad. I don't know anymore. Android, Windows phones. You can also download and listen on your Kindle Fire and over 500 MP3 players. And unlike a streaming or a rental service with Audible, you own your books. You own your books, alright? So you can...

Ya can access your books anytime and anywhere right from ya smartphone. Audible.com also has this great listen guarantee. If you decide, you know what? This book is not for me. I heard great things about it. Not enjoying it. Hey, guess what? No problem.

Exchange any book you're not happy with for another title. Any times, no questions at... I mean, they may ask you what other title do you want. But that's the kind of question that it's okay for them to... Anyway, just go do it. There are great books at Audible.com including The Bible, one of the best books because it has so many books inside of it. It's a great bargain.

And just for listeners, Audible.com is offering a free 30-day trial membership. Go to Bang Bang Today. I think what that is is Audible.com slash Bang Bang Today to start your free trial today. So if you go today, you start today. Really, a lot of times people wouldn't use today twice in a sentence. But I think this is brave because if you go today, you start today. It's not like, hey, come to our website today. We'll hook you up a month from now.

No, this is a true go today start today situation. And I salute them for that. Audible.com slash Bang Bang. Show your support for Comedy Bang Bang and get a free 30-day trial at Comedy Bang Bang. No, Audible.com slash Comedy Bang Bang. But this is important, go today, start today. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back here. Yep.

We're doing that. Do you remember those? Get a job. Is there a too low for that? Oops, started too low. The great thing about trying to start too low is that you can't, you have to concentrate so much on it. You can't look at anything.

Your eyes just glaze over. All you can stare at is your larynx in your mind, your mind's larynx. Trying to push it down. Splinter of the mind's larynx. Do you remember, by Alan Dean Foster. Do you remember... Of course I do. Your President Nixon.

Do you remember those muppets on Sesame Street that were aliens, that we're trying to learn about Earth culture? And what they would do is they would encounter something and then they would not know what it was and they would look it up in their book of Earth things and then they would learn the word and they would repeat it. No. And how would they do it?

There would be a telephone. Okay. And they would look at it. And I forget what their noise they would make when they didn't understand what something was. Like meep, was it? Was it? Was it like nope, nope, nope, nope, nope?

Was it like nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope? Get a job. Get a job. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wow. No, no, no, no. They would try to figure it out. They couldn't figure it out.

They would call for the book. Book, book, book, book, book, book, book. And they would get their big book out. And then they would go... Phone. Phone. Phone. And then the phone would ring

and it would fucking freak them out and they would pull their jaws, their jaws would go up over their eyes. What? Because they were scared. Wow. They were great. As a kid, I thought they were hilarious

and also terrifying. Wow. Okay, so this has been on for a long time then. This is not recent. It's old. It's old, yeah. I don't know if they still do them. Are they making the jump to pay cable?

What? It says to be street going behind a paywall? Yeah, they're on HBO now. Are they no longer on the... They will be. The new ones are on HBO and then it'll be a window of time before they go to PBS. Are they gonna fuck on this show?

They're totally gonna fuck. Are the Muppets gonna fuck? The Muppets gonna fuck Khaleesi? Are the Muppets gonna fuck Khaleesi? That's my one question, Jim Henson. Those Muppets gonna fuck Khaleesi? Who am I talking to right now? Do you understand the words coming out of my mouth?

Oh, it's Chris Tucker. Chris Tucker wants to know, are the Muppets gonna fuck Khaleesi? Do you understand the words coming out of my mouth? Are the Muppets gonna fuck Khaleesi? I hope I meet him and I hope he's on the show at some point so I can play in that clip. Honoring him and his work and company.

He'll love it. All right, we need to get back to our countdown. This is your number seven. Number seven. All right. This actually is the latest episode on the countdown. The most recent? The most recent, yes.

This is one week after the previous episode. How long? Whitspan. One week since you looked at me. Tickety-tongue, the Chinese chicken. Wait, one week after the previous episode? After a good night in the morning. So, October, November, it's a wash.

Oh, no one liked those. I said no one liked those, man. No one liked those. Don't hear me now. This is September 28th. This is episode 378. Just seven scant days later. And this is an episode called Mailer Demon.

Oh boy, oh boy. This is... Is it Mailer Damon? Damon, Mailer Damon, but he's... You're all drunk. Yes. I understand he's a demon. Yep.

I listen to this once. The court stipulates that you've listened to the other ones once. There's only one episode you've listened to. Let the record reflect. They defended his listen once. This is Jason Manzuchus, who we were talking about previously, and also Nick Kroll. Also mentioned previously.

Uh-huh. Now, Jason J-Dog Manzuchus, he's been on the show a lot this year. He was filming out of town the previous year, a lot, so he couldn't be on. And he came to me early in the year and said, I really want to make a concerted effort to be on the show more this year. Yeah. And we thank him a lot for that.

Because he loves doing it. He loves doing it. I love doing it with him. There's a lot of people. I love doing it with you. I love doing it with Ben Schwartz. I love doing it with J- I love doing it with all these people.

Do you love doing it with Khaleesi? Do you hear the words coming out of my mouth? I love doing it with Manzuchus. All those muffins gotta fuck Khaleesi. All those muffins gotta fuck Khaleesi. I've done a whole 180 on this. It's good now. And now I love it.

It's good now. It's good now. It's good now. It's good now. That's kind of a t-shirt. It's good now. It's good now. Come on.

Not everything's a t-shirt. Or is it good now? Are those muffins gonna fuck Khaleesi? It's more of a t-shirt. I know. But I like it's good now. It's good now. It's good now.

It's good now. Oh, it's good now. It's good now. This is the Mailer Damon, and this is one week after the previous. Jason couldn't make Good Night in the Morning. He was invited, by the way. Oh, really? Yes.

Yes, he was invited. What would that have been like? I don't know. It would have upset the whole chemistry of the room problem. He would have asked so many questions of Jasmine and Sunny. Yeah, I bet. Trying to force them into a weird corner. That's right.

He couldn't make that one. So he came this one week later. Seven days later. Seven days later. Seven days later. And Kroll, also another guy who wanted to do the show more this year. I believe he is in three separate episodes this year, as well as including the recent Guilfaisan and her saying, Guilfaisan.

Did not want to be in my show so much this year. Uh-oh. Dance. Got out. Glad he was making an effort to be on one show. I think I may have just lucked out, maybe, and hit him on a few days that he was available. Maybe. So we, Kroll doesn't often come in and say, okay, this is what I want to do in this episode.

He, a lot of times what we'll do is I'll say, hey, is there anything you want to do? He'll just go, I'll think of it while we do it. And quite often, as was the case in this episode, just something that we talked about in conversation. He was himself and Jason is himself the entire time. Kroll will just leap in with an idea for a character. Right. This one was very successful and occurred the entire episode. And this was just based off of us talking about wondering what those emails you get from the

Maler Daemon were. Right. And he decided to portray the Maler Daemon or Daemon to much success. And that is what we're... And great acclaim. And that's what we're going to hear right now. This is your number seven. But what if Maler Daemon were to brand me?

Hello. Yes. Sam, do you mind getting the door? Yep. All right. Come in. Hello. Hello, sir.

Yes, I am the Maler Daemon. Oh my God. We conjured him. We said Maler Daemon about eight times, I believe. You say Maler Daemon eight times you conjure the Maler Daemon. Yes, that's right. It's welcome. Thank you for having me.

You're so polite. Thank you for knocking. Oh no, I am... Most people just barge in. I know. My manners are what makes me the Maler Daemon, for I was at one time the butler asked Jesus. Wait a minute. And after being possessed by a demon, I became the Maler Daemon.

Oh my God. That's why you are dressed like an old school butler? That is correct, sir. Thank you so much. Your manners are impeccable. And Mr. Mansuchius. Oh, wow. Yes.

I have an egg-free omelet for you. Really? That's one of his things. That's the thing. I'm fine. How does Ask Jeeves... Do you know this because you comb the internet for information? That's all times that I have freed myself up to free things up for you.

Wow. So you are free to make the best of your comedy. This is actually a dream come true. So you know everything there is to know on the internet? Yes, Mr. Ockerman. Okay. Well, let's ask him questions about the internet. Whatever you always wanted to know.

Oh, man. I mean, you must know everything that there is to know. That is correct, Mr. Ockerman. And I would say I was Ask Jeeves until I was possessed by a demon. What is the distance between Chicago and San Francisco? The distance is 1.7 thousand miles. Wow. Wow.

That's correct. That's longer than I would have thought. So cool. And it was so quick on it, right? Yeah. It was right there. And I've gotten rid of the extra zeros so that you are not wasting time hearing one. Thank you.

1,700 miles. And that's no joke because I waste so much of my day looking at zeros. Yeah, exactly. I feel like I'm looking at one right now. For if it wasn't given the time, you wouldn't have come up with that beautiful joke together at the same time. Might I say that you gentlemen have a wonderful sense of humor that you share in common. Thank you so much.

Can I ask you a question, Mailer Damon? What are you... Wait, what is that? I'm just cutting your hair slightly, Mr. Hoffman. I noticed that it could use a dream room. Thank you so much, Jeeves. So do you... Slash demon.

Mailer Damon. Jeeves! You call me Jeeves! Oh. Jason, can I talk to you for a second? Yeah. You know, Mailer Damon, we'll be right back. Yeah, we'll be right back.

Hey, Jason. He was so polite. I think that we totally glossed over that he's a demon. We gotta be careful. We literally have like a demon who can... Oh, thank you so much. Such a nice palette cleanser. Wow.

What do you think of Bing? Oh, Bing? Yeah. Well, I love Bing. I've used it since day one. I had a question I wanted to ask you. Did you cut Scott's hair because you have access to all of the pictures of Scott and know what the correct length...

Based off of giddy image searches from Scott's major appearances on red carpets and wards as well as a collection of all the best earworm photos, I have collaborated with all of my various demonites to decide what is the ideal length for Scott Harkman. Oh, nice. What do you got? Can you change my Wikipedia photo, please, to one where I'm not 30 pounds overweight? Listen, it's amazing that the tiny demons at Wikipedia will not allow us to change our photos.

Why is that? And it used to be an older one, and now they updated it to one that was like slightly two years newer, but it's still not a current. Isn't it amazing what technology can do to ruin your vanity? I guess so. Er, let me ask you a question. Did you snip off my hair because you needed my lock of hair for some other purpose? It has nothing to do with the digital cauldron that I am doing to reverse the operations

that I've created to let me rule the internet. Oh my God, look at all those ones and zeros. That digital cauldron. Jason, I feel like he is doing something to really keep it. I think he is. Why else would he bring up the digital cauldron? I don't know. I don't know why he would bring that.

Do you feel like we need a digital exorcist or something? I don't know what's going on. You know, I did take an online digital exorcism course. You what? Yeah, I did. It's sort of like the universal life version. Your friends asked you to digitally exorcise. They don't want to get a Catholic in there.

Buffalo chicken dip? Oh my gosh. Thank you so much. Do you have some tortilla chips with this? Yes, of course. They are all gluten-free for Scotty and egg-free for Sir Mancuchus. Thank you so much, Mailerdame. This is delicious.

Oh my God. I prefer gluten-free. This is delicious. Actually. Well, here we go then. Oh, thank you so much. Let's not get these mixed up. Yeah, so Jason, I took an online digital exorcism course.

I feel bad. I feel bad in what respect. I feel bad the Mailerdame is ignoring Nick. Yeah. I know. It's really strange. It's completely ignored. Nick is just sulking.

Nick is so bummed. It's fine. It's fine. Nick, do you want to get in on this? No. Come on. He's not interested in me. No, I thought it would be.

Look. He just might not know who you are. No. He looked at me. He said, hey man, I know your stuff. I know his stuff? Of course, of course. How could you not?

How could you not know he's nearly ubiquitous in the comedy scene? Sure. It doesn't mean that I have to enjoy his work. Well, okay. All right. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Hey, I had something I wanted to say to you, Mailerdemon.

Yes. I miss you all. I'll come in. I just, I kind of wanted to say the power of Steve Jobs compels you. Leave this body. No. No. No.

No. No. Sorry guys, that was me. I had something in my throat. Yeah, you're right there. Nick, you okay? I had something in my mouth. I was drinking a smoothie and it, I got like a frozen banana stuck in my throat.

That smoothie turned into a hearty. No, but go on, Mr. ... Yes. Go on. The power of ... Another brilliant turn of phrase. Yes. The power of Steve Jobs compels you to leave the body of ass jives and I cast the back

into the dark, deep internet where I belong. Aha. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I see what you have tried to do. Yes. What's that?

Is the demon that lives within me? Aha. Yes. Unfortunately, as Mr. Jobs has passed and was never much of a power in the underlying functioning of the internet. But he knew a lot about design and aesthetics. You have to admit that. Exactly.

Exactly, sir. But as far as zeros and ones, I would say the Wozniak name is the one that shall not be spoken. Oh, okay. All right. Well, that's good to know. I just told us that. Yeah.

I wonder if I should maybe repeat what I said with the Wozniak. Yeah, maybe I'll do that. It might be a trick. It might be a trick. It might be a trick. It might conjure Steve Wozniak. Minjula. Which we do know.

Oh, a minjula. God, I love a nice minjula in the fall. This is so refreshing. Oh, my gosh. This is refreshing. You can try it if you conjure Steve Wozniak on wine. All right. Hey, mailer demon.

Yes. I wanted to say something. Yes. Of course. Well, I kind of felt like the power of Steve Wozniak compels the to leave the body of ass Jeeves and be cast out into the deep dark internet where that belongs. Nick, what are you doing? I'm just doing an impression of Roger Rabbit.

I'm doing an impression of dial-up. I thought it was Roger Rabbit. I never realized how much Roger Rabbit sounds like a dial-up. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Anyway, I was trying to get Jeeves's mailer demon's attention. Oh, OK. Did you just call him Jeeves? He just literally has his back to you.

Do you dare to call me Jeeves? Nick, I wish you hadn't done that. I shall smite you to the realm of Ulta Vista. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, not Ulta Vista. No, get back. No, Nick.

Oh, God, Nick. No. Nick just disappeared into his actual phone computer. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Holy cow. Blue corn tortilla chip with a black bean salsa. I am starting to feel full, but I don't.

I can't stop eating. Don't mind if I do. It's like when you go to a wedding, there's so many tasty treats. Oh, Yum City. That didn't work. And Steve Wozniak was not conjuring. I think we just got to lean into this and figure out what's going on. Well, now the neck's gone.

We got to go deeper. Sorry, gentlemen. I couldn't help but overhear you whispering. Oh, no. Was there something that I was not providing for you? No, you're doing great. This is a great- I love the menjuic of that.

Could I just ask you a question? Yes. As all I seem to do is serve you, why is it that you are trying to exercise me? Well, you got really mad at Nick, and you cast him into Alta Vista. They don't want that to happen to us. And you're also like...

Well, I like your comedy. Fair enough. Fair enough. I'll take that. I love how this gets made. Oh, wow. Thank you so much. And Comedy Bang Bang The Show is my favorite.

The TV show, not the podcast. Not the podcast. I enjoy the podcast. You're like the opposite of everyone. Yes, I am. In fact, I am. I would say it's of some concern to me that you have a digital cauldron

and have snipped off some of my hair. But what did you plan to do with that? Yeah, do you have a bigger plan, I guess, is the question. Maybe we're trying to prevent some sort of future disaster. Yes, if you could just hold your chin straight, I'm just snipping out some of the grease

from your beard. Oh, wait a minute. Wow, you look about 10 years younger. Oh, goodness. 58. Sorry, you were saying something. I don't want to interrupt you. No, I just, I can't help but feel like

you're putting into action some sort of plan or something. I mean, I don't need to characterize your plan as diabolical. You have hairs from each of us now. Right. I'm concerned that you are, your intentions are not to make us look

better, but are to exercise or exercise some sort of. Exercise. Yeah. Maybe I took a digital exercise class. You brought a, you exercise. Tracy Anderson? Yeah, I think it was.

Hey, do you need any pubes, by the way? I'm looking to get these trimmed a little bit. I wouldn't be opposed. Come on down here, if you mind. Yep. Got to get rid of those pubers. Yep. Do you have grape pubes yet?

No, I don't. Do you? Yep. Really? Yeah. I can't tell if I do or not, actually, because I'm very blonde. I don't like discussing my pubes on the air.

I don't mind if you cut them. I don't want to talk about them. Oh, yeah? I don't want people imagining my hands. That's fine. We don't have to talk about it. You know what I mean? Just imagine every other.

You don't want people imagining your pubes? Yeah. Just that even admitting I have them seems strange. What? You are embarrassed to admit that you've gone through puberty and have pubic hair? There should be a menopause for men, where we like. There should not be.

Go backwards. There should not be. Men's rights. Men's rights. Thank you. All right, Bailey. We deserve menopause as well. You should talk to Bob Duke.

I don't know. You're going to start talking about police lives matter in a second. Pube a bagel? Okay, that's where I draw the line on eating. I am not going to eat to him. A piece of bagel with your own pubic hair? Totally full. Totally full.

Dare you determine what I serve you? No, we're not determining what you serve me. Toil, toil, pubes and bubbles. Uh-oh. I feel like I offered him that pubes and tied somehow into the incantation. And let this be a warning to you both. Oh, it's just a warning. If you defy the treats I provide you, we shall go to a commercial break.

Oh, okay. I don't want to go to a commercial break. We've only been going about 10 minutes or so at this point. Maybe I better eat these puber bagels. I guess we're going to eat these puber bagels. Wait, which ones are these? Oh, these are gray. These must be Jason's.

Yeah, I think I've got yours. It's not bad. I mean, it's not an ingredient I would normally like to use, like kale or sprouts or something like that. It's a collision of flavors. I'm sorry, you'd like to put kale and sprouts on your pizza bagels? I'm just saying in any recipe. Not a total weirdo. Do you eat a lot of sprouts?

Yeah, I like sprouts. Really? Yeah. I know they taste like dirt or grass. I can't remember the last time I ate a sprout. Really? Yep. What about on a sandwich or something?

They're nice on a sandwich. Nick, guys, I crawl back in. Nick! You okay? Yeah, I was able to escape the digital realm. That was incredible. I saw just like a hand, almost like you were a cousin it coming out of your phone. Yeah.

And then you just... What did I miss? What do you guys say about it? We just ate each other's pubes. We just ate each other's pubes on a bagel. And then you now you're talking about sprouts? Yeah. Yeah, pretty much.

Oh, fuck this. You're going back in? He's going back into the digital cauldron. Yeah, maybe he likes it in there. At some point I want to interview the actor who does you, though. Oh, yeah. The actor who plays Jayce Mantucus. Yeah, I think that would be really interesting.

I think, yeah, the guy's great. Yeah. The guy is talented. But I mean, I love your characterization. What's his name? Jeffrey character Wheaties? Jeffrey character Wheaties. Jeffrey character Wheaties.

Should we talk to him right now? I would love to talk to him. Let's talk to him. Okay, Jeffrey. Can you set aside the Jayce Mantucus persona for a second? Shake it out. Shake it out. Good.

Okay, here we go. Jeffrey. Hey, Jeffrey. How you guys doing? Hey, we're doing great. Pretty good. What's happening? How's it going?

I don't believe I've ever spoken to you on this. This show is going really good. Yeah, you're really funny. I'm really happy with it so far. Yeah, I've never spoken to you on air. I don't believe. Oh, it's so weird. We talk so much in person.

Yeah. This is a lot like that James Hadome in episode where he was himself for a while. Oh, that's weird. Yeah, it is weird. It's like when you talk to Paul F. Tompkins on the best ofs. Yeah, it's a little weird talking to you right now. It's not that weird. We talk all the time.

Can you tell us about your background? You've come up with such a deranged sort of repulsive character. Oh, I mean, that's just Jason, you know. You think of him as like a real person. Well, you know, you have to. You have to think of the person you're playing as a real person. Otherwise, it's almost impossible to play them. Can I ask you a question?

Yeah. When did you come up with the egg allergy? Yeah. It's something no one has. Was that the aha moment? It was years. Guys, I for years was doing this character without an egg allergy and could not get it off the ground.

Not quite working. No, it wasn't sticky. People couldn't get into it. Yeah. But the inherent vulnerability of the egg allergy mixed with the utter reprehensible nature of the characters. It balances it out. Yeah, exactly.

It really, really does something. And you're not allergic to eggs. You're eating one right now. No. You eat eggs all the time. Yeah. And to answer your question, it was in a groundlings class. Oh, they're great.

It was in a groundlings class. You know, because one of the teachers was like, find something scary. Yeah. How long were you a groundling? Are you in Sunday company? I never got that far. Oh, okay. You just took one class.

They asked me to stop taking the class. The minute I came up with the egg allergy, they were like, you graduated. Wow. Get out there. They don't even want you on the stage. And then you went to UCB. And then I went to New York and I started doing UCB. Wow.

And only exclusively as Jason Manzoukas. That's Jason Manzoukas. Because I realized that Jeffrey. Yeah. Character Weedies. Yeah. No one's interested yet. Nobody's interested.

It's like a Paul Rubens, Pee Wee Herman situation. Everyone says that at the groundlings, he had so many great characters, but he just wanted to stick with Pee Wee Herman. I left Los Angeles. I shed every piece of Jeffrey that I arrived in New York as Jason Manzoukas did not. Now, Jeffrey character Weedies is paler skin, straight hair. You have a lot of makeup on right now. Yes.

And a fake beard. Oh, it's always a fake beard. Yeah. Do you want to take off the beard? I'd love to get a look at your real face. Well, are you going to want me to do Jason later in the show? Yeah. But I have some spirit gum right here.

Oh, so you won't do Jason. Oh, man. You are so handsome without that. Oh, thank you. Why do you have all this? Tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip. Hello, Milly. Milly.

You ran out of here with your fake beard. Oh, brother. Wow. He loves hair. Someone were on the internet were to make a, would you like it if someone were to make like a T-shirt or an image of Jason character Weedies like on a Weedies box? Like Jeffrey character Weedies? Yes.

Jeffrey character Weedies. And I think, I think I've seen a picture of one of Jason's oldest headshots. I believe is a picture of you character Weedies. That's my headshot. Before, yeah, that was your headshot, but people have found it. So you would darken the skin slightly. Yes. Slightly, but it still looks, it's in black and white.

So it looks a little lightened and you don't have the beard. And you look very, very handsome. That was my, that was Jeffrey character Weedies' first headshot. And people dug it up and they attributed it to you because obviously they recognize you. Luckily, I managed to put the name Jason Manzookis on it. Right, yeah. So that I, now as long as it's on the internet, people like the male or demon, they know that it's Jason, not Jeffrey.

So digitally, I don't exist. What are you actually like? I mean, you're so different from Jason. Such a good question. I find him to be a fucking drip. Yeah, he is kind of annoying, isn't he? Right. He's kind of a drip.

Yeah. It's like sometimes you meet an actor who you love and then you talk to them and you're like, oh, that person is nothing. That happened to me really recently with you. With me, Nick Kroll. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's fair.

Oh, I got to go to the bathroom real quick. I'll be back in a second. No problem. Okay. Yes. Hello. Oh, Fabrice Fabrice. Yes, I'm hello.

What are you doing here? A beloved character. Are you? I'm so excited. Have you finished stocking up our craft service table up there? Put out all the tiny little, tiny little street cheeses. Thank you so much. I love that.

And I'll put out everything. Jeffrey. Hello. Wait, you know Jeffrey? Hello, Jeffrey. Hello, Fabrice. Jeffrey, you know Fabrice. Thank you.

Oh, I know Jeffrey. Character weedies. Oh, really? I see this motherfucker on every set that Jason Manzuchus is an actor on. Relax. This motherfucker. Let me tell you one thing, you motherfucker. Relax.

This motherfucker has complained. I've seen him sprinkling pubes on my table and then saying- Wait a minute. Jeffrey, you sprinkle pubes on? It's more an act of aggression than it is a food source. That's right. It's an act of aggression. You try to get me fired off every job I've been on.

Why don't you guys like each other? I don't care for Fabrice Fabrice. No, this motherfucker. This motherfucker. What don't you like about him? Do you think that he's some sort of stereotype or something of a bygone age? That's right. He wants to put me back in 2005.

But don't you realize that people still are like this? I still exist and I am more powerful and I am elegant and I am strength. We all can't excel at long-term character work. You are one of the best at it. That's right. Oh, that's right. Just because he created a three-dimensional character who's allergic to eggs. He gets to live forever.

Let me just ask you this. Does Fabrice Fabrice have any vulnerabilities whatsoever? Well, that's a good point. No, it's true. The one thing I'm allergic to is assholes. Do you mean people who are assholes or people's assholes? People's assholes. Oh, that's got to be terrible.

And I'll tell you this. Jeffrey Karatowidis is one big old butthole. That's an interesting question, though, Fabrice. I've never seen you have any sort of vulnerability. That's true. I mean, you have things that you like to do, which is poetry. When you have grown up with this voice, this attitude in the places I grew up, you big, a big old wall like the Berlin Wall.

Yeah, you're very defensive. That's right, the Iron Curtain. But I bet it's all because of... Underneath, I'm a little pussycat. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. That's right.

Do you ever get vulnerable with a loved one? Yeah, all the time. I let my lovers walk all over me. Oh, yeah. Wait a minute. I don't have people money, but I am strength. I am opulence. I am luxury.

I'm getting a weird vibe off of you, too. Were you guys... No, I don't want to talk about it. Is that why you don't like each other? Is that why you don't like each other? Yeah. Did you guys used to have a thing? We had a thing.

We maybe had a moment. We had a thing. Maybe we had some time. We had the potential of a thing. It's interesting because, Jeffrey, I know you are a gay man, and I've known that about you as long as I've known you, which is so interesting that you play this character, which is just such a sex monster,

just like a disgusting... A lethario. Gross lethario, yeah. And almost hedonistic, almost like a back canal. And you made up all these weird stories about things done in movie theaters and flipping these. Flipping through vaginas. Yeah.

Like someone who almost seems like, if you looked at a Greek statue of back canal, you're like a goat head. Like a human head with a goat body. Like a bogus. Yeah, that's where I have seen... That's what you based your character on. I did base a lot of Jason on a statue of bogus

that has a human head and a goat body. As a gay man, is Jason satire? That's right. The character of Jason Manzuchus is a very trenchant social satire. Social satire of... Of current social more. That's right.

That's right. This is one of the biggest pieces, is one of the most prolific pieces of social satire of the 21st century. You're like Banksy or something. Just to be clear, guess who came up with Jason Manzuchus? What? One hint.

It was not Geoffrey Carpenter-Weedian. So you came up with Jason Manzuchus? That's right. No, no. No, yes. Excuse me. The original character he wanted to come up with was named Janice Mandukar.

Janice Mandukar, and what was Janice like? She was a very interesting character. She was not interesting. She was very good. She was allergic to bees. She had a very severe... Everyone doesn't like being stung by bees, so how vulnerable I mean...

But she would swell up. The thing is she loved honey. She loved honey. And I was like, boring, boring. And I said, what about... I was like, no, how about this? How about one of these Greek ass motherfuckers but grew up like waspy in New England,

and he allergic to eggs? And what's he dressed like? What's he dressed like? This wears white shirts and blue jeans. Why? Why? I don't know because choices were too much and he could bleach his shirts

because of weird OCD shit. But it's like a Pee Wee Herman costume for him, right? Exactly. Number seven. Oh, good stuff. Number seven. Number seven. And that, by the way, speaking of top 10s,

I should be just happy with what we got. Vulture was very nice to call Comedy Bang Bang the podcast, the best comedy podcast of the year, the number one. That's very true. And they said that this was the best episode of it of the year. So they voted for this as their number one. This is your... They're so close to being correct.

Number seven. Not that close. Well... Well... Hey. Jack and Jill had a great time at it. The well. Worked out for them, didn't it?

No, it didn't. Are you familiar with their story about the well? I mean, they got famous. Oh, that's all that matters. Your generation. All you care about is going viral. Yeah. Listen, my name is Birdman.

Yeah. And I'm against you. Hey, they're the original going viral, baby. Oh, shit. Nursery rhymes are the original going viral. Nursery rhymes are the original going viral. That is a t-shirt. That is absolutely a t-shirt.

It's good now. Do you think a t-shirt is that is a t-shirt? Maybe. Let's experiment. How many do you want to get with this dumb shit? I don't know. That is a t-shirt. That was a lot of fun with those guys.

I really enjoyed doing that. And we're going to end at this point. We're going to... Sad. It's very sad. It's Christmas Eve in Hollis, Queens. Musk, Cook, and Chill. Chicken and collard greens, though.

I will say that. At one point, they say in that movie, in that song, when they describe all the... Do you think songs are movies? I do think they're little... They're little movies you can't see. If they paint a great enough picture, yeah. They're little movies you're listening to through a door.

That's what songs are. That's what songs are to me. That's what songs are to me. They talk about all the different things that indicate it's Christmas. Sure. And one of them is the hawk is out. What does that mean? I don't know.

It may be something specific to their culture, perhaps. To their culture? To their curious and unique culture? I will say that's how I learned what collard greens were when that song came out. From that song? Yeah, from that song. Yeah, I was like, what are they saying? Collard beans?

What's a collard bean? A bean with a collar on it. Yeah, so I looked it up. Picture a bean wearing a little jacket, a cream-colored jacket. Who's this guy? Oh, this is a fellow. He comes from... A fellow?

He comes from... My name is Arthur Fellow. Abernathy Fellow. Abernathy Fellow. A fellow. I like to imagine a bean wearing a cloak or a cream-colored jacket. Is it Dr. Fellow? Is it Mr. Fellow?

It's Professor Fellow. Professor Fellow, really? It's an honor, entirely. Oh, okay. Bestowed upon by you? Yes. Okay, can I ask why? I wrote a letter to myself, addressing myself as Dr....

Oh, like Professor Fellow. Like the WGA, Copywriting something. Yes, hello. Why are you wondering about this? Why are you thinking about this? Well, because I like to put a face to my food. You see, it feels as if I... You're actually eating something alive?

Yes. And killing it? Yes, because I... It's forbidden to do so. I see. You mustn't eat living things. Can I just say that you are a weirdo? Is that sure?

Well, that sounds like a t-shirt to me. That was a song. That was a movie. It was a movie you're listening to through a door. All right, we got to go. All right. All right. This Christmas Eve, have a great holiday.

We're going to be back here on Monday with part three of the countdown. And we're going to take you out. We're going to play the Solobolo Olympic Song Challenge. We're going to play someone set that to music. Oh, good. So backing track with strings and everything. So we're going to play that on our way out. They hired an orchestra.

You have a 90-piece orchestra. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye. Play it right off. Maybe far away Or maybe real nearby He'll be put in a coffee

She'll be straightening his time Maybe in a house Or maybe by a hill He'll be eating a salad She'll be writing her will Maybe their sisters are Maybe they're cool Maybe they went to private school

Somewhere over the rainbow Way up high There's a land that I dream of Once in a lullaby Feed the birds Topping sub-at Topping the bums Chim chimonee chim chimonee chim chim jayre

Atlantic Supercalifragal premise makes me diazdoze You know it's hella doze You know it's hella doze You know it's hella doze Supercalifragal premise makes me diazdoze I'm the lily, I'm the lie I'm the lily, I'm the lie

I got a feelin' Woo-hoo-hoo Now tonight's gonna be a good night I got a feelin' Woo-hoo-hoo Now tonight's gonna be a you-go A real good night I feel like

going home doo doo doo I'm not late I am going home Home is where I'm just about to go

I shot the sheriff But I did not shoot the deputy No, no Here comes the sun Here comes the sun And I say

It's alright Doo doo doo doo I've never known the word I've never known the word Me, I'll be Everybody's in my corner Matata But a wonderful phrase

Check out the new Comedy Bang Bang hoodies A limited edition screen printed poster Or our instant classic Hanong Man or all joking a salad tease Each sale supports the show and helps us employ a guy named Nick that chips all this stuff from a bunker in LA Hi, Nick!

Support Ear Wolf and Comedy Bang Bang by visiting EarWolf.com Click Shop and get 10% off with the code BANG BANG Want to hear Ear Wolf Pilots before anybody else? We made a podcast feed just for you. Ear Wolf Presents is full of great stuff. Like preview episodes for upcoming shows,

peeks behind the paywall, and pilots for podcasts that haven't even been made yet. It's like getting to listen in behind the scenes here at Ear Wolf. Starting January 21st, we'll be back with a new podcast called Ear Wolf. We'll be back with a new podcast

called Ear Wolf. Starting January 21st, Ear Wolf Presents will have a bunch of new pilots for you, like Edgar Monplacir's The Wokest. Catch conversations between the wokest man in the world and comedians like Riza Lechea. Also, hear upcoming pilots, The Florida Cast. Wow, you're Native American too?

This week in sports and Carl Alarm all throughout the month. Let us know what you think of them with hashtag Ear Wolf Presents. Subscribe to Ear Wolf Presents to hear more great episodes from around the network and behind the paywall, like an episode of Drew Tarver's Strictly Business with Derek Contrera,

or act one of Matt Besser's punk musical, Stolen Idea. Just search for Ear Wolf Presents in your podcast app and subscribe so you don't miss an update.