Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Best of 2016 Pt. 2

Episode Date: December 22, 2016

The Best of Comedy Bang! Bang! 2016 count down continues as Scott and Paul F. Tompkins go through numbers eleven through eight on the count down as well as number three on the Best CBB Live episodes of 2016 as voted by YOU. Plus, a special Christmas surprise for all you precious listeners!This episode is brought to you by HUAWEI (www.huawei.fit/comedybangbang) and Leesa.com (www.leesa.com/BANGBANG).

Don't worry with no bed or buttered and slightly salted insulting the wounds from your failed romantic adventures in popcorn sales women welcome to comedy bang bang I don't know what that is referring to but thank you to Pam Greer's legs for that hey paying attention to a different part of her body congratulations yeah I guess hey welcome to comedy bang legs this is what we do welcome to the show this is Scott Ackerman and cross for me is good ol PFT that's right everybody that's right Paul F. Tompkins

be Paul FT he's back this is best of comedy bang bang 2016 part 2 and over these episodes we are counting down your top 15 episodes of the year that you have voted on you you the listener have typed in your choices and you got to pick 10 and we have compiled all those votes and we're counting down your top 15 and not just your top 15 normal episodes but your top four live episodes of the year as well so that's a little wrinkle on the countdown and this is number two of those on the previous episode we counted down 15 through 12 yes we did and four through four through four of the lives what do you think

we're counting down this time I think it's gonna be well first one was 15 through 12 mm-hmm I'm gonna say this is gonna be 11 through 10 oh no that would only be two episodes right so no no this is a we are gonna do those but it's gonna be 11 through 8 and 3 through 3 okay okay that's right we're gonna crack the top 10 very very soon the TT yeah that's right Scott Scott Scott yeah let me ask you go ahead I mean hey well what do I give a shit if you ask me something yeah I don't care go oh you sound like you're protesting a little bit too much I mean me thanks I'm not hiding anything you go ahead and shoot

I'll take any question okay now you really sound like you're hiding something hiding why what could a guy like me possibly be hiding I don't know but I'm an open book I've lived a good way are you an alien yes we're both aliens why we've talked about this before oh we're from the same planet do you think well hold on let's see what's your planet like gore blocks 5 gore blocks 4 oh so close yeah I hate gore blocks 5 when you ask me what it's like it's like that oh it's like it I'm from gore blocks 4 oh okay so my okay oh great we love each ever notice how much it's like gore blocks 5 so much alike and yet I hate them

isn't that interesting oh I want to destroy them oh and earth hey I'm right there with you buddy how did you how did you feel about the first best of episode that we just did the how did I feel about our banter or about overall just overall I thought a plus you talked about Star Wars we talked about Bill Cosby in the peanut that parable it reminds me of the snake Bill Cosby in the peanut I would love that if 300 nay a thousand years from now people talked about that parable much like you know Damocles sword and all that that's something right yeah that's something where Damocles had this sword he kept it

on the ceiling and then he was like mistake let me get out from under this thing is it the Gordian not the Gordian not yes of course yeah impossible to untie unless you just cut that shit in half yeah mm-hmm that to me that is instead of a big lesson about how to solve problems that's like the first guy who decided to be smart no one thought to cut this thing yeah till then like that breaks the rules right I guess but that's like now we're also smart if if there was a knot you could barely untie you'd spend like 30 seconds trying to untie it and then you'd get some scissors right I mean it depended what

you it if it was like your shoes maybe not scissors yeah well maybe you would if you had backup laces you'd be like I'm just gonna start from scratch how many backup laces do you keep at your house by the way I have I have it's not a steamer truck but it's like it's like a mid-sized suitcase okay filled with shoe lace just filled with laces and are they packets of laces that are bunched up so where you can just loose laces like they're probably all in knots of frankly and it's a mess wow yeah so I gotta take all those are you a hoarder well I mean I don't think so because I think I need a lot of pill bottles

I need pill bottles newspapers cat skeletons oh god a lot of animal death I need them a lot of animal death on these episodes how do you feel about the last episode hold on a second though there's so many animals I mean fucking come on so some of them die in theoretical conversations sure we're not actually doing it wink wink yeah we're not even having conversations they're theoretical yeah I feel um I feel like that last episode the last best of episode mm-hmm you can

be honest with me go ahead I think was the best thing I've ever done what the best thing you've ever done better than even these episodes that we're counting down right now oh way better that is high praise you have had what a career you've had you started out in Philadelphia as a stand-up comedian in Philadelphia was born and raised mm-hmm you then traveled to Los Angeles where you worked upon shows like Mr. Show and others yeah that's right not necessarily the news that's right that's oh and real time at Bill Maher where you started the clock you were the first person to start the clock they made me you know what

that was humiliating they made me start the clock so when he said start the clock he was actually yelling at you yeah that's like having your boss yell at you yeah and no one even got to see me on camera start the clock that's you start every single episode until when you hear that when you hear that clock yeah I started it and and he's yelling at you to do it now automate that thing although would you know would you rather a robot did it you know what I mean well the head of Carl's Jr yeah exactly I didn't know robots made all of those burgers and all of my boners when I watched their

commercials it makes sense now though you think about it it does like you think like oh yeah I got correct when I was watching that commercial robot robot all right Paul we're gonna count them down here we go we're gonna count them down here we go we're gonna count them down here we go we're gonna count them down here we go by the way we're gonna count down at the end at the end you were trying to talk to me but you also want to I wanted to sing along yeah we're gonna count them down by the way we're gonna count them down at the end of the we're gonna count him down episode we're gonna we're gonna count them

down have a big surprise we're gonna count them down and we're gonna do it we're gonna count it down at the end why don't we get to it this is your episode number 11 number one one okay this is a level hey hey by the way someone on Twitter alerted me to something which made me think you know that song hey 19 do you think we talk about it every year every year every year do you think that it actually was the latest song in a song cycle that steely dan had been writing about our American presidents because Rutherford B. Hayes was the 19th president and its original title was Hayes 19 yeah I do think that okay that's

yep Hayes 19 all right this is why were we talking about hey 19 because I don't remember it's just always on the edge of our brains that's true now episode 12 which we heard on the last best of episodes that was from February 8th and that was episode 400 would it surprise you to know this is so I feel like it's gonna be a word problem yeah how fast does the train go no this episode is episode 401 from one week later February 15th it's right so wait a minute back to back B2B I mean these are some good episodes these are some good right in a row that's right this is episode 401 love is thicker than water

mmm that's right right around Valentine's Day Valentine's Day that's right is it Valentine's Day the time of year for Valentine I had no I've been calling it Valentine's Valentine's time of year for Valentine's right so Valentine's are a thing they call it Valentine's you give each other Valentine's on Valentine's maybe mistaken on this my doubt I am this this is the Valentine's Day episode I came out on February 15th and this is of course Paul Rust Gilean Jacobs and yourself I was you're on this this is for the second year in a row maybe the third even Gilean Jacobs returns and we did an episode together the previous

year was Colin Hayes right that's right and this is Gilean Jacobs and she and Paul Rust are on a show called Love on Netflix and they were promoting its premiere and Paul you were playing Alan Thicke who that's right was coming into Gilean and trying to romance her mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm romance and depends depends oh have you ever deep pants anyone by the way man is something that is good I mean I like to do it depends thyself woman sometimes I'll be like let's get to depends the two guys who have never had sex and don't know what it is so Paul right off the bat you're on the countdown here right you're in the

Batman right off the bat why don't we hear the Batman oh the bat the batting gentleman he's so scary oh he strikes terror into the hearts of all I'm cowardly and superstitious if you're a well you're part of that lot that is yeah so I heard that there was this giant bat that was he was punishing pickpockets and purse snatchers that's right we need to think about it by the way speaking of the Batman Batman is a rich guy yeah who goes out there and like knocks heads around of poor people we're just like trying to make ends meet yeah and sure they're their crimes yeah but it's basically like a rich guy beating up

poor people yeah great great stuff yeah cuz not everybody not everybody was a crazy costumed villain mm-hmm in the early days of Batman he was just straight up just straight up beating up muggers and stuff like yeah yeah and spending his millions and now billions if not trill of dollars just buying cars in order to beat up people do you think Batman is a trillionaire even you know if Lil Wayne is now you know why not Bruce Wayne yes that's right sorry to blow up your spot Batman when by the way when Bruce Wayne heard Lil Wayne mm-hmm did he think that everyone was talking about himself when they were like I love

Lil Wayne and he thought they were being very dismissive of him right like not it's not very respectful and they were talking about how he was drinking lean mm-hmm did Bruce Wayne think it was himself do you think Bruce Wayne drinks scissor he might it's the only way to keep himself up all night right fashion these heads doesn't make you sleepy though scissor scissor of mind I don't know or I don't know I'm not it's a downer I'm not a huge fan I'm a big fan you'll do it socially but you won't all right look we gotta listen to this episode this is your episode 11 now we can actually do the real reason you came on the show

Paul oh the nip nips nip nips that's right Paul likes to come on the show and he has a feature that he likes to do called the nip nip nips no go ahead and set this up it's called new no-knows oh are you I've done it I think a couple times you time and they the well it's based on a bill more has a segment called new rules and I those are things that he's exhorting people to do yeah mr. Maher exhorting is that right Paul take some gripes that I'll rust of course yeah Bill Maher he'll take some gripes that everybody has we all have to deal with and he kind of he does it in a reverent suggestion about how to solve

this problem I mean he's more than suggesting it as far as I'm concerned he's he's dictating it if he were ruler of this land these would be laws God hope mm-hmm president Maher 2020 maybe 2020 or maybe VP of 2016 all that'd be awesome with Trumpy yeah Trump and Maher together Trump Maher so we so we've established what new rules are at this point there's been a I I felt Mark could push this further he's snotty but I'm snotty here mm-hmm he's cheesed off but I'm even more cheesed off so I do a little segment called new no-knows start the clock start the clock snowing right now over this globe everybody's inside

it's cold I'm sick of snow you guys all sick of snow how about this how about we split up when it snows yeah it gets no November December but let's take the snow in January February move it to June and July new no no it's snowing on the 4th of July I really have no no something you want to do do yes do do that okay all right number two new no no where's ET part two Hollywood is so caught up and make an original material they haven't gone back to the big boss himself ET I want ET in a sequel where he plays a chef who is short tempered new no no you guys ever have to deal with these Uber drivers oh yeah I love them I

love me drive me every but hey let's make a little deal here over drivers okay for every mile that you drive me forward I'm gonna get my car and drive a mile backwards you're gonna get in your own car yep I'll keep a record and if I see he drove me six miles forward next time I'm in my car I'm going backwards reverse are not yeah right not even in new no no no no I'm backwards baby okay let's do more no no no libraries yeah I'm sorry but how many books does one place need here just needs two favorite books as far as I'm concerned my two favorites Pelican Breathe by John Grisham and the Corad that's all you need

libraries new no no do we decimal do it right man new no no that one maybe qualifies as a new no no by the way if you were if you were to say it as new no no's library stop stocking these books you're saying like that people should stop doing I'm trying to be in the affirmative you've forgotten how to do these okay here I said this last time here we go here we go I know I know how to do it okay all right new no no I can't find a cute top to where to my nephew's birthday party new no no I need a cute top you don't remember new no no lucky horseshoes you ever hear about these people I got a horseshoe I got a

horseshoe that's lucky okay we gotta start the clock again yeah that means it's going fast that I'm keeping a good pace that we're cycling through it was hey horseshoes okay if they're lucky then why don't you ever hear about a horse winning it big in Vegas do don't know I'm riding a horse through a casino tonight you ever walked down the street you see a dog peeing on the fire hydrant all the time oh what do these dogs got against fire hey dogs if you don't like fire hydrants so much next time there's a fire you put it out with your pee pee new no no fire department's Dalmatians pee on the fire now okay

that's sort of work you sort of yeah I have some more new no no what's with these caps people wear on graduation you know you got the flat yeah top and the tassel yep new no no all those caps need to be made of tassels and they're not flat they're bumpy new no no bumpy tassel hats now new no no can we just call sexting what it really is horny texts to left here now okay no no no you know I was talking about the 4th of July earlier we mentioned it yeah earlier yeah yeah why do they have to shoot them up into the sky shoot what up into the sky fireworks all right new no no they should shoot

fire blast them into somebody's house new no no look out daycares fireworks are blasting do your window at 8 a.m. unfortunately I got one last because I would say approximately 60% of these not qualified here we go I've been doing for years you know by now new no no you know that song they say the neon lights are bright on Broadway Algero yeah yeah yeah from all that jazz I'm sorry but when I go on Broadway I'm not thinking of the lights okay I think the song should go the say the plays are really great on Broadway new no no lights are bright in Vegas man were you riding your horse yeah no no no 2000 16 16 right okay should

we stop the clock now stop the clock okay sorry Bill your heart out mr. Marr pretty sure he remembers how the new rules go well that's fantastic I I think that it's oh the doors what's wrong with the door what's wrong with the door what's wrong with the door what's wrong with the door it's stuck I can't quite close it oh my gosh hello how do you do Paul Russ you must be a fan of this gentleman from Alan from pains thank you the pain growing pains don't call it pains unless you've been there I mean I watch show in the thick of the night that big well that's very nice to hear thank you guys always it's nice when young people are familiar with

thick of the night well my parents would tuck me in every night we'd watch it oh and then you watch it together in a big bed like Charlie the chocolate factory names carved on the headboard it's very bleak but but but thank you for thank you for being a fan of course my sitcom growing pains and of course you're familiar with my work as a theme song writer yeah I would love maybe you'd like to write a theme song for ball rest over here personal theme song for you or for his personal pant theme song or for his show he's got a show coming up it's great to have shows you know I have a show a reality show that airs on

one of this reality show networks it's called monstrously thick it's now Scott we have a lot of fun with the title but of course it's a painfully thick it's about me and one of the women that I married do you have a theme song for the show love or it's just got music it doesn't have lyrics no lyrics yeah okay are you a lyricist or a composer hello it's been a been a calendar year since the last time I've seen you yeah anyway I'm a I'm a composer and a lyricist of course I wrote the words and facts of life although I had inspiration from the title of course I didn't come up with the title no but you I mean the facts

of life are things that you probably have I would have called it yes but to girls one on skates got the of in there bunch of girls a bunch of girls did a bunch of girls that there's one on skates one's a Christian one is that show what's a Christian I think she became a Christian later I don't think she's a Christian you don't think she was a Christian on that show that was not the car you're talking of course about Blair of course yeah Blair was just a sort of uptight rich girl she was not necessarily a Christian okay it wasn't I mean she may have been a Christian on the show she may have been but you know

of course I had to watch every episode because we we would do the theme live sure yeah but then you wouldn't leave you would just stick around you know it's fun to be their craft service so she never goes a lot of bugles on that set yeah boy same you could put bugles on your fingers and make yourself into a witch interesting same with the spider-man set there are a lot of bugles on that one too or one of note so even Gillian got that one so what a paper last time we were together there's a lot of spider-man talk as well remember you were making fun of me because I didn't know about some issue of spider-man where

what you want number 42 or Mary Jane was introduced no with the eye oh with this ring I the web of course yeah when Doc Ock married Aunt May of course that was before I arrived on the scene yeah so I wouldn't know that anyway so sing a song about love love what is the show about can you give me some back yeah try to do a better job you did earlier we don't have to know we don't have to sell this show to you this is a show that is incelible well just for just for the help of the song I I play somebody who's sort of a uptight he plays Gus people please are can I say you guys right there are you the main character of

the show I'm one of the main character one of me is it an ensemble piece yeah yeah it's a kind of a two-hander that's well that's are you talking about that scene where you jerked off we were both racing we're all racing to get our joke in it's more of a that's more of all one fister open Palmer one finger in the but holer what are we talking about so so that's my character Gilly and she plays Mickey she's sort of a wild child the second hand in the two-hander yes is it m I K I or is it what is it m I C K Y M O you why didn't you write that song USC why didn't I write that song that's a good question oh why didn't I

write the other songs I didn't write do you think time prevented you the where you were born in the time the very time prevented me writing those songs reminds me of something I don't know what it is sure I do okay so he plays Gus she plays Mickey well what's the show boot though don't tell me are you Canadian of course I am from from Toronto so don't tell me show me what do you worry about well I need to know what the show characters well these two characters can you imagine if they got together in a romantic relationship opposites they're kind of very different yes not so much May December whose idea

was this not mine very very new you're already washing your hands of this we thought it would be nothing to do with this we thought there might be a show in two identical people dating each other two people who jive on every level they're okay the first time they ever talk they have all the same references and like all the same things the politically they're lying emotionally religiously yeah should say background background they both background only they're from the exact same house in the exact same city the brother and sister they meet by the first of them by the second brother and sister who fell in

love really on television it was written by Neil Abute and I don't remember what it was called in the company of the siblings oh my god do you guys ever act like this on the show are you actually like normal people no it's all this oh are the people mentally ill sure I mean you could argue that that all of us are in some way yes some respect well our brains are rotting in our heads the further and further we get to death closer and closer we get to that was the original time oh did I say further and further further further towards further towards closer towards no closer you're right of course the further we go I can

barely others the giant is that birth does really do you think life is all about trying to get as far away from your mother's vagina as possible on the opposite of the earth from it and then you die the minute you hit the exact opposite yeah what you're oh I'm sorry you're from Toronto well I live in Toronto now of course you do some yeah I divide my time I have several homes how does that work tax purposes wise is a tough pretty good he's we looked it up the last time about a year ago I think it was exactly a year ago almost to the day wow that you were on the show we looked up at how rich you are you're

surprisingly what was it was like 35 mil or something I think you're doing me a disservice I'm so sorry was 60 million 60 mil and Gary Gary had 80 mil not as much as I thought he'd have I thought he'd be more wealthy well he's just a director isn't he a show creator yeah also created shows where there's a lot of money in that of course yeah Paul tells about that a lot of money in creating love cha hold on a second oh yeah you were the creator of this program a co-creator yes co-creator who is your other creator my wife Leslie Arfin and Judd how about this I didn't know they were married how long have you

been married now son father father thick well I'm certainly older than you are eternally thick you know I have a father by my son Robin is a singer yeah very famous playdress anyway well now I don't want to get into thick water just an homage I love you've been married since October since and how was the wedding did you did you have a wedding yeah it's a great weirdo showed up to what's that oh no party crasher that is the absolute worst thing you can do is to show up to someone's wedding that you weren't invited hey not if you're a winner Vince that's true that was fiction of course the whole point of that

film is that it's a thing you don't do well theme song yeah do you have enough info so it's about opposites who they fall in love maybe we don't even know ups and downs so for so it's called love and it's all about people series not having they're not in love they just coexist in the world there's ups and downs sometimes they miss you know there's they can't connect connections yeah I didn't want to say misconnections because why did you want to like Craigslist did they have that yeah they do yeah also if you're German you can get someone to chop your penis off and cook it in front of you German can we talk more about

that sure German craigs you want to do a theme song for that by the way I'll do that one okay let's hear it what five six seven eight you don't want your dick but you want to eat it come down to the dick we'll top off your dick and cook it right up you can eat it in front of your mom once you get as far away from your mom's vagina you can die but you can't die with your dick attached so come on down to the dick cut nice wow what do you know Alan as a theme song writer well that I have to say that was that fell more into the dick that fell more in the realm of jingles than yeah because that sounded like a jingle for a brick and

mortar establishment as opposed to an ad in German Craigslist you think it was not online business well if you come on down that's no one says come on down to Amazon calm although if I could go to the warehouse and just pick the stuff up that would be better do you think it would be like Raiders of the Lost Ark where there's just great just great great I wonder if you could order the Ark of the Covenant on Amazon let's see what your face to now speaking of indie films Gillian anyway let's let's hear this theme song for love we did her you know what I really like about the Indiana Jones characters is a really great

arc grow up all we need to grow up what about that Noah film remember the guy from gladiator yeah gladiator well Russell Crowe was in it but I thought it should have been Russell to crows yeah I mean two by two they came onto that arc you really messed up by just bringing a crow whatever you had a crow on his shoulder the entire it counts saying this to the camera the entire time it counts everyone the idea that Russell Crowe would have sex with the crow having sex with it that's why there were two of everything well eventually but not it was not just because no that God was some sort of OCD weirdo that's the last scene

of the I didn't want to spoil but that's the last scene where he's like all right buddy it's time this is an impression of Russell Crowe it counts seriously it counts hey what are you doing here no yes God we had a famous that's right dr. Cosby had a famous routine what's a cubit where he talks to Noah oh really but here would be the problem even if they could have a baby it would be sterile oh but like a mule why because because if it's not if you're not of the same species it becomes sterile yeah a mule can't have another mule with another mule isn't that a shame wait so human and a crow having sex wouldn't produce

a crow man so wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute could a new viable could a what are you him could a human have sex with a dog and create a dog human but as long as it's just that would never happen wolf my mom wasn't human and my dad certainly wasn't a dog wolf you say your mother was human was human weird thing that you've said I'm sorry or in the record since you started talking about this what all right get to it five six seven eight I think it's that the count is throwing me off how slow do you want to be do you want to be a little slower do you want to swing I'll take care of it I'll take

care of it follow me for the genius will you please you say up but I say down I say smile and you say frown you're the opposite of me but I think we're in love let's call the TV show love the end I think you got something there number one theme song Ellen fix theme song for love so funny so funny so funny and perfectly timely for when that episode came out that's right don't you agree no longer timely stop listening to it and us like that poem turn off your podcast machine for weddings in a funeral I just saw that turn off your podcasting machine no longer timely well you know what it is time for it's time

to hear a message from our sponsors we need to take a break when we come back we're gonna crack the top ten that's exciting isn't it yeah wait you don't sound excited I guess I guess I didn't you know I mean you didn't think you were gonna live this long I never expected this to be here I thought I'd be resting in power you thought you were gonna die in between 11 just assumed no I mean unless you do during the break this is excited this is a cliff thank you I might die during the break this is a real cliffhanger okay let's see when we come back if Paul if Tompkins is alive and not resting in power I hope it's an ad

for caskets all right here we go we'll be right back with your top ten hey everyone this year's improv for humans holiday specialist here and last year's improv for humans Christmas Carol the ghost of Christmas future taught Matt Besser to be kinder to his fellow humans well this year Matt's bringing you the real unknown Charlie Brown Christmas story featuring comedians Mookie Blake Locke Amanda Sitko Mike Mitchell and Armin Weitzman improv for humans is a great show and the holiday special is always fantastic so go listen in iTunes Stitcher or ear wolf calm all right welcome back is Paul if Tompkins still

alive let's find out now still a lot he's back with us do you long for the escape that death will bring now I'm thinking that these are recorded and then when I am dead and people are gonna be bummed out my dear instead of being happy that happened well that happens a lot with some of these you know we have good friends who have passed on and they get by we occasionally talk about death and but it's a part of life if I could bring a private thing into the public sphere we'll see I texted you recently because there was some dude some of it one of these white supremacist dudes on Twitter that said something to me and so

to me he blinded me he blinded me with white supremacy time to bring it back Dolby and so it'll show you you know you click on someone's account it'll show you who you might follow no one comment or what right it said followed by Harris Whittles and I just screened captain and said that to you in retrospect bad call Harris why was he following that's so who fucking knows who knows all right we are back we're cracking the top 10 this is exciting this is where the the countdown really heats up is where the rubber meets the road exactly Robin is racing and you are wearing a rubber right at all times okay that was that was

such a big joke in stand-up and then in the 80s was like late 80s because it was the safe sex thing it was response to the AIDS that's when it's one-on-one it's natural it's fun best when it's one over you my lover do you wear a rubber yeah I'm on Lisa left I love as I got a condom in my glasses but so there was so much so everybody had condom jokes everyone standing in front of a goddamn brick wall had hilarious jokes about condoms and I cannot tell you how many hacks I saw say I'm wearing one right now right and it's like God laughs every time every time it's a weird time to wear one I get it I understand it I mean

he's like what he's saying is he's wearing even he's just standing up there doing his job he's wearing a condom maybe you don't blasted penis maybe you don't understand it the penis is hard I never made that connection yeah so what the joke really is this guy is saying I actually have a hard erection of our penis and I may come in any moment and any moment at any moment you should be thankful I'm not doing it against my jeans against my jeans a bobziger coming against my jeans we listen to a lot of Bob Seeger on the road yes fucking great road music I gotta say Bob Seeger's greatest hits great road music great

memories I will probably always think of the tour when I think about Seeger now and I pop it on every once in a while we Lauren I was surprised Lauren is a good I don't know 10 years younger than us or something and she knew them all she's like 21 years old she's like Zoltar what she's like Ben Zoltar machined her favorite movie yeah she loves the movie she loves big really that's probably cuz she's like 13 years old she's 13 I feel weird about having sex with her why do we all have sex together what a weird tour that was hey when in Rome you know I remember now when it started because people were chanting it from the crowd

have sex with each other with each other yeah I remember it was a disjointed chance lock her up lock her up build the wall yeah all right let's get to cracking that old top 10 here we go we'll get to the tour and talk a little bit more about the tour in a minute but let's crack the top 10 this is your episode 10 and this is an episode it may surprise you to learn called we'll see from May 23rd and this is an episode called time Bobby for now the title surprises me I don't know what I don't know what surprises you about this you said it means well you're the one that said I may be surprised saying it's possible that something might surprise

oh you're so weird I'm not surprised okay great I know that this was the title of this I don't care if you are you're not I'm just saying it I might have I care even less than you do so time Bobby for I can't believe that we did it again can you believe we did but I have to say I don't mean made the list we crazy that we did another episode crazy for this one but I thought the fourth one one of the better ones that we've done time Bobby let me explain if you are this is one of your first time listening to comedy bang bang explain it to me like I'm five years old okay do you need some candy before I continue in order to

focus I'm five I wouldn't mind some all right here you are thank you unless you're doing business with you there is wait no you're just leaving cuz you got your candy it works you can my priorities are candy little else there is a person named Bobby Moynihan he's a current cast member on Saturday Night Live and he has always loved the show has loved the podcast I think listen to it before he got on SNL absolutely super fan knows a lot of the references and he some deep cuts to he came on I think a second episode or third episode he came on and said hey I want to play an orphan that was the only idea he had and he had

the name four of all which was one less than five oh and that was all he had and that's all we had and that became the classic episode time Bobby one of the better episodes I think we've ever done of comedy bang bang and you know we love nothing more than to beat something into submission so but I have to say we've done time Bobby two three and four and each of them very funny and each of them have made the list the countdown list every single time now I have to say time Bobby four little low on the list then the others one other ones were I think we were top I think we were one for time Bobby one and one for time Bobby two I

believe so time Bobby three not as much so maybe the bloom is falling off the rose who knows but it is cracking the top ten and I remember when it came out thinking wow this one was probably better than three I really thought that four was really enjoyable I it's hard for me because they all blur together yeah and I can't remember specifically what was in this one this is one where we're gonna hear it four will believe he's done believes he's done yes okay that yeah I thought this was a great new wrinkle to it let's hear it this is your number ten number ten oh gosh for full sense tingling for full on must be danger

around yes I'm afraid there is imminent imminent danger don't worry about the danger guys I'm here I'll save you for full have you seen the film final destination I have you have well then this will be easy to understand you know how people died in that yeah that's gonna happen to you someday what's gonna happen to everybody's god yes it happens to some people sooner than other yes sometimes in 3d what yeah what time I think it did happen maybe the third time I feel like it's a lot probably that's not about right or the fifth I'm sure probably around the third I feel like it's just a lot of tires flying

through the air yeah I don't believe they went to a racetrack at one point yeah yeah poles through windshields I there's no way a knife didn't fly the screen at some point oh no way no absolute way look yeah it's gonna happen to all of us but much like the teenagers in final destination pretty good I got super powers now and well I got a room and a home and a little jib jab going so for what everything's coming up for all right well send me one of those jib jabs but what if I were to tell you what if I were to tell you that any dub smashes that you do I would like yes please are any boomerangs yeah I don't

want the boomerang okay good take him off the boomerang CC list but it mojis I'll throw you away I do like they are the bomb I do but what if I were to tell you for all that instead of a little tiny room you could have a giant cloud to playground yes with with streets paved with gold and everyone you've ever loved would be there yeah that sound wonderful you'd have fry vault fry vault and you know I'm three of old nineville to the bill and anvil everyone but five oh yeah five old sicko they don't have my Spanish brother yeah see kator say yeah they would all be they would all be there whoopee too why well I don't know

about what soon she'll be she'll be along directly it's just sooner than you might think yes pass or a penny from under the door the original ghost even the fellow who played the mean ghost in ghost he'll be there and Patrick Swayze Patrick Swayze is there right now yeah what if I told you that that could be yours and might be yours very very soon will be I would say that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard it sounds like the most beautiful place on earth but I mean not on earth but I have still I have things to do down here I've just been blessed with these powers and I'm just starting to I'm just starting to realize

your life is worth living it's not about staying you're saying well what a wonderful realization you finally come to but are you saying you have unfinished business yeah it's complicated for a little lie down for just a little bit yeah I need to talk to Scott yes I'll be right back just gonna take a little nip-nip sidebar with Lloyd okay lord oh Lloyd is right out of order Lloyd Andrew Lloyd Webber of all the things you could call me don't call me it's Lloyd Christopher Lloyd miss what you don't know what I'm talking about lesson lesson yeah well look what is going on here you think he has unfinished business

what I'm afraid of yes is that if we don't make him right with this idea that his demise is imminent yes he will have unfinished business and he will haunt us as a ghost much like the the dad who drank the acid on Christmas Eve wait is he a ghost I think he's a ghost oh dear yeah much like the Sunset Boulevard house yes the Sunset Boulevard house with William Holden yes in the pool that that house is haunted by the entire cost of Sunset Boulevard do you think William Holden people always come up you would come up to him and say hey you William Holden I need the pill I need the pill again do I think they would always do that yes I need the pill give me that pill do I think it ever happened either god damn it oh god take your pill

okay I'm back oh full strength you started to slip that full strength it's the same you started to say the stupid shit I'm back though I'm on thank heavens the top of my game thank you heavens for little girls um what uh uh what what do we need to do do we do we we need to get him right with yes we need to get him to accept what is to happen sure the stages of grief yes yes the final one exactly yes do we need to go through the other ones denial etc denial yes uh hey fuck you anger yeah I'm I'm saying we're paraphrasing anger yeah yeah hey fuck you yeah well I couldn't remember that that term anger bargaining yes just a quick if you can't remember the term you might need a mnemonic device that might help you remember okay very good okay so anger okay so anger is uh

what what is a anger okay what's it here's the thing yeah there's a whole range of mnemonic device a mnemonic device a mnemonic device a mnemonic device for this don't raise the mailer demon please it's dab da dab da what do we have denial denial anger bargaining despair despair and acceptance dab da what about despair yes okay denial anger bargaining despair how can anyone remember dab da you just said it so good work that reminds me of my good friend dab the coal person okay I'm back oh hey thank you for a moment too soon pills effective yeah take that pill you say some stupid shit take another pill I wonder if you're taking so many of those pills give me red decreasing the effectiveness give me a blue where's jessica jones um beyond limit that's at this

oh my gosh um that's jessica jones never mind what uh what is your unfinished business excuse me uh just do you know what to bring four four shut up one moment oh what the fuck did you just say that's from that's from a comic a book give me a red give me a blue which which who which character well it's nuke but uh yes yes he then moved from the daredevil universe into jessica jones television yes I see wait was he in in the first season of the yes sir yes that's right I forgot that fellow took the pills yes give me a red give me a blue I don't think of the matrix fucking first exactly that's the thing but then the don't get on my side you were just mean to me for a second now I'm pissed yeah yeah we're pissed at you we're angry at you right yeah yeah we're

teaming up you told me to shut up man this is a marvel team up yes hulk smash hulk smash hulk dump smash let me let me uh positive this avengers the tempo what if andrew lightwebber didn't say a thing that made you mad oh what do the watcher can you imagine this is a parallel universe and he presents it to us right now forbidden to interfere but he sees all so there would be no hulk smash mouth moments no yeah yeah under the wire yeah thank you I think some listeners were a little upset I didn't get it in earlier for the lie I do apologize I it's okay nothing but the highest esteem for you thank you and you don't even have to apologize because I'm past that now but it's all this super you're gonna be past a lot making me think that I have finally found my true

calling which is helping people instead of being a stabby little boat yes well carry carry carry that kind of feeling uh into uh or whatever happens next to you you know what I mean there's nothing for it we've got to tell we've got to tell him so he can accept it yes we have a dump smash what is it again dumb yeah dab da dab da what's happening is for real for real what's wrong the spider that bit you is packed full of radiation yes oh no but it hasn't given you superlative powers no hold on do you see how you're about to vomit yeah yes that's not a special sense warning you the dangerous imminent so strange thing is I threw up four apples but I'm only three apples how did you fit in congratulations that's why my belly was so distended oh for the lab I'm

I'm afraid I have to tell you you're dying you're dying you're dying you're dying you're almost dead you're going to be dead I know radiation next 20 25 30 minutes probably after plugs oh no yeah do you think really I think exactly yes it's a certainty but for all this is natural death comes to all things yes yes but I was doing so in a hundred years none of us will be here just think of it that way and we'll all be well wealthy people will be but I just turned it around the singularity I better not tell you no yeah you just turned your life around and what at what better time could there be fell in love and got a home and started a real life but but but but for full what's wonderful is you did manage to do all these things before the end of your life which is very

very soon yes a lot of people don't get that chance a lot of people are just miserable assholes right up until the moment they die yeah you ebony's are screwed did the one as big as me do I so I'm definitely gonna die yes yes I'm afraid so is there anyone you want to call ghostbusters ghostbusters only that's the only possible what do you think about the reboot even if I was dying I think it's gonna be great I just don't know about turning them into women which is strange question I think I thought life is too short to be like I think literally I think if it's the stay puffed marshmallow woman maybe but they gotta do it across the board and then turn all the women from the first one into men so I think that the the the ghost that gives Dan

Acroy to blowjob that's gotta be a male ghost who gives Kate you know it goes down on her or something like that those are my rules and certainly all of the extras should all be gender reversed as well yes exactly they should count the number of extras you'll run Jeremy was an extra and ghostbusters what that's a real thing you could seem predominantly featured during the last scene oh god no why are we wasting time that's a real thing I have no doubt conserve your strength dear forful is there anyone you want to call any family any whoopee do you want to call whoopee is there anyone who should be here at this hour I think about it I I don't know if I got anybody oh dear I'm starting to feel so alone oh dear almost like Kevin in that movie

feel like I've been left here yeah I feel like my next door neighbor is Mitch McAllister and he screwed this whole thing up for everybody but he's really nice he didn't exist these movies wouldn't exist oh no no no no what do we do forful what do we do can we can we make you comfortable at all can we so you're you're no longer denying that you're going to okay well I mean you guys seem so adamant about it he did deny it for a minute he said he denied for a minute but now he doesn't seem to be what's next in W well it's a what is it then dab dab what's a anger anger in Christ's sake I can't remember it together no way this could be happening this mnemonic device is no way this could be happening no yes you're just you're angry you're no no you're denying

I'm not gonna die okay it's a dub smash oh my gosh it's a whole dub smash it's a mash up dub smash of denial and anger oh my gosh what's after that uh beauty what is it why would it be beauty I don't know why would it be beauty bitterness what is it what's the bee bargaining bargaining bargaining I don't feel so good all of a sudden for forful look maybe if maybe if you gave me some of your blood I could stay alive I don't know how do you want to get this blood through a transfusion of sorts I don't know that we have the time of sorts what are you talking about yeah I mean I'm not a medical doctor but I would take my knife cut your throat and then maybe drink that shit oh it's not really the way blood looks it doesn't have to be your throat it could be an

arm or leg no no I don't think that's going to do the trick yeah plus I don't think you can find a vein on me look I don't I don't think we can have that explained to me later yeah I don't think the pills are way you know I don't think I don't think it's gonna happen what's what's next dub dub dub dub dub d d d d d d d dub dub d d dab the dab the dub dab the denial anger bargaining death what is it why would there be an a after death after death no it doesn't please what is it despair despair the saddest one just sad because they just got a room and I just got all this nice stuff and now I'm gonna I'm gonna leave it all and you have a son on the way I have

a son although we that one moment for yeah I'm not sure about this son but I don't know about it he thought he had superpowers yeah but I'm just dying of radiation at the same time we've never gotten his age he could you know do you have pubes excuse me you heard me rather a personal question towards the end but please do answer it yeah see I think he's old enough to they're not on me yeah I just carry him around in a bay I think he's see yours or someone else's I don't wait is it jade davidson's it's jade davidson oh no from the crying games oh yeah I don't keep him in my band earlier I'm wondering if his seed might find purchase perhaps I don't know I don't know in whoopee goldberg's barren wool I think anything's possible at this point he might have a son

today has proven that scott rick is right I don't know I do I have a little baby oh it's terrible it's four and a half bill four and a half bill is oh this is terrible that was a real stomach well these sorts of things happen at the end what's next in in in w in dubda dib dab dib dab what is it it's dabda what's it has been for the past 15 minutes what is it a anger no we've done that one acceptance acceptance for who you're gonna die I am you are okay that was great he's all in wow with a bullet well done you wow okay for full yes I'm so sorry I take you right yeah but for for may I say that's it for a little old four boy may I say that I'm so glad that we got to see you once more and that's it you've turned your life around you've been such a

friend to the show I can't tell you how happy that makes me yeah I came here with the goodwill and kindness of a little orphan boy and I they killed everything and did a bunch of bad stuff and you guys are so nice to accept me back and yeah what I thought was going to be a new chapter in my life turned out to be the end of the end as cocoa marks would say yeah yeah yeah brother of rough yeah that was yeah yeah number ten that's right dab da dab da that's right uh-huh denial anger bargaining despair acceptance have sex with each other lock her up lock her up lock her up lock her up lock her up lock her up all right speaking of acceptance we need to accept that we need to take a break all right what do you think about that I guess I have no choice we still have episode

nine and eight coming up as well as the live episode number three and a little surprise at the end of the episode so stick around we are going to be right back with more comedy bang bang after this I tell you hotbods am I right did I get your attention that's right everyone wants one to have one that is yes everyone wants a hot bod everyone's crazy and obsessed with fitness and trying to make sure that your bod is as hot as it can possibly be and you know what that's led to is a monopoly over working out an exercise and you know what I mean when I say that fitness trackers well finally finally finally finally there is a fitness tracker for every body the Huawei fit that's right the Huawei fit they are back the Huawei fit the Huawei fit is changing

the way normal people like you not like me because I'm incredibly toned but normal people like you workout this is a fitness watch for every body and what does that mean that means every shape every size every age every experience every etc lightweight stylish design they the good people at Huawei fit sent me one of these Huawei fits this is a lightweight and stylish design okay you can say oh you know I like the way my fitness tracker look this looks better than any fitness tracker out there and you may be saying okay it looks fine but you know I need it to pair with my things this pairs and fits with every part of your life exercise scientifically without being weighed down by your phone you know how with a lot of these fitness trackers you have to carry

your phone in your pocket and if you're jogging around it gets bulky you don't need it they have custom exercise plans real-time guidance training analysis continuous heart rate monitoring and sleep tracking yeah the Huawei fit has all of that a multi sport mode in case you play multiple sports running swimming cycling training walking more smart or smart notifications just like the other smart watches you've seen featuring caller ID texts social networks calendar alerts super long battery life a six-day working time enhance your sports and fitness experience without breaking the bank or compromising who you are so visit Huawei fit at Huawei dot fit slash comedy bang bang now let me spell that for you HUA WEI HUA WEI that's Huawei dot fit slash comedy bang bang

you can purchase your Huawei fit and start getting more out of your workouts that's Huawei dot fit slash comedy bang bang comedy bang bang we're back here with paul if tomkins and we're deep in the top 10 i mean we're balls deep in the top 10 at this point we're so in there we're so in the top 10's guts we're all up in them guts oh my god i mean we heard number 10 that means we're in top 10 hey you know balls deep is a gross phrase right yeah sure it's not it's not what you would call cooth sure it's fun to say up in them guts yeah even grosser yeah yeah because you're acknowledging on the scale you're kind of acknowledging the the the clinical nature of sex of sex yeah that it's like it's it's these body parts that are inserted and everything it's weird

to think about first of all while you're doing it that yeah it's strange to think about that you're like in guts like yeah like that's people's stomach linings are just you know right next to your yeah penis head so is that kind of what is that kind of what you were saying is that we were having sex so so your lower intestine is mere centimeters away from my shaft yeah like i'm i'm i might as well be i might as well be stabbing you yeah stabbing you with my penis yeah in your abdomen yeah into your like piercing your stomach line yeah you may you may as well like if your belly button were a hole i may as well just be having sex with your stomach acids might as well be eating away at the head of my penis right yes that's exactly what one is saying i'm glad

we took a little diversion into into really breaking it down i appreciate that paul always one to want to discuss those things in great detail paul if tomkins you know me it's all i want to do is talk about sex you can barely sex things i couldn't think of a thing i was like hey it's a super gross thing do i say it's super innocuous and instead you almost couldn't get the word sex out sex all right here we go let's get into it this is your episode number nine number nine number nine what a weird rumor that paul mccartney was dead and that no one was and people believed it yeah and they believed it because of a picture he took where he was out of sync with the other beetles yeah like he that oh i don't i've never understood

the logic of that they took that as evidence he's out of step with the other beetles he's got all these things different than the other the license plate on the car in the picture was a clue and but but here's what i got his shoes off and if he were dead he wouldn't have been able to take that picture i think they i think they supposed right after the picture was taken he died because he was out of step with everyone and there were so many differences yeah all of those things made him have an aneurysm they caused his death yeah well we don't know we don't know the causes it's always they covered it up when he actually remember uh you know when he turned 64 yeah every headline was paul is 64 or whatever do you think when he actually passes away

rest in power that uh the headlines are paul is dead 1000% they are they will be one day for sure and we hope it doesn't happen i mean 2016 was bad enough we certainly hope that 2017 means does not mean that we lose a beetle because we we've already lost one john lennon still around now as fans of the show now that's right now when paul mccarney turned 64 did he fulfill all of the things that were in the song well i don't know if the person he was singing to still needed him well that's true because it's a question yeah it's all a question to it's all a question it's a second person's song like are you gonna still love me will you still need me at least to feed me feed me yeah but then he's also saying things like uh you'll be older

too you'll be older too we'll have three we'll have grandchildren and their names will be vera chuck and davis is that really the very specific did that come to pass i don't know i don't know yeah that's true i think he's got grandchildren does he have grandchildren he's got a daughter he does have a daughter she's like you know she's old enough you know like she hasn't been zoltar if you know what i mean why do i i feel like i there's this new dynamic where i start us on it right and then when you continue it then i get gross yeah i know but what's weird is you don't like to start on it i know usually i'm the one who starts this is what you've done to me i'm sorry you're you've coming down to my you've coming down to my level you've coming down to my level

technicality no down by the way shirts in the store available for pre-order technicality no down over shirts yes wow got a couple of new shirts in the store also a haynong man ain't nothing to fuck with so uh and speaking of haynong man ain't nothing to fuck with let's get to our number nine uh episode this is from guess what we heard uh february 15th earlier which was one week after february 8th which was the previous episode this is february 18th this is episode 402 this is the following week yeah we've no just the following thursday the following thursday we've heard 400 401 and 402 on the countdown all in a row all in a row this is an episode called solo bolo trolo now the solo bolos if you're listening for the first time uh the ben shorts who we talked

about uh on our last episode uh with haratio sand he was on the episode uh he was on an episode with me and he's on an episode normally if you're listening to comedy bang bang the format is thus i'll have a person a comedian or an actor on is themselves for a good 20 25 30 minutes and then we'll take a break and then a comedian will come on and be a character now weirdo a weirdo now we were having such a good time with ben ben and i riffing that he said we should do a whole episode just of this just of the riffing together because he was tired of taking the break and having someone come in and then they got to talk and then they got so he said let's do an episode just of this now we did one called the solo bolo people loved it we did another one called the

solo bolo do slow people love that that was on the countdown of last year this is the solo bolo trolo we've also done the solo bolo quattrolo we'll see if that ends up on the countdown hint it does not and uh but we will still see we will still see if it does yes um people liked the trolo weirdly this is now people i think i think the quattrolo was maybe better that had uh the birth of the phrase hey long man ain't nothing to fuck with uh as said by lin-manwell moranda writer of hamilton there is our sound effects record going on and uh people like that episode a lot but i think something about the name the trolo they voted for that instead of the quattrolo maybe we split the vote who knows oh maybe if we had only done one this year it would have been higher on

the countdown greedy but we got greedy we did a quattrolo so anyway it's a thing that calls out to be an annual event not not a biannual event are we saying that right um but this is the one that made the countdown this is the solo bolo trolo this is what happens on these is uh ben and i we get together we riff a lot and we sing a lot kind of like uh what you're hearing with paul and i here doing some i think more singing happening more singing happens we haven't sung a lot on this one yet we have not i wonder if we'll sing at all i wonder if we will hence we will um so we are going to hear a chunk from the solo bolo trolo this is we have done something on each one called the olympic song challenge where one of us starts off singing a song and then the other one has to

jump in with a new song that sort of uh the previous song reminds them of or has something to do with and we keep it going as long as we can they've turned into uh some wonderful wonderful uh musical medleys over the years and this one is no exception uh this is the olympic song challenge from your episode nine number nine all right we've done this uh in the last solo bolo do slow and now it's gonna be done in all of them it was a what was it called it i'll tell you what it's called the elegant mr s it was called the toes and you're looking the olympic no it was called the solo bolo olympic song challenge the solo bolo olympic song challenge solo bolo olympic song challenge and here's what it is benny and i challenge each other we have to sing songs that

exist they're not the made up bullshit that we've been doing this entire time these are songs that actually exist from um you know films musicals anything i mean they're or or even just music there are a lot of a lot of just one of us starts off with a song and then the other person has to blend into a song that sort of reminds you of that song i think that it's i forget what's called things called something it's called the solo bolo olympic song challenge all right i brought it here now i've changed the name correct all right so you brought it here is that what you're saying yeah i started this bit no i started this bit you motherfucker why do you not want to take responsibility for bits that you did create someone look this up i guarantee you and in the comment section

hashtags you are 100 wrong no i probably explained this no i brought it up to you and you said oh i like this let's do it i love how i just listened to it why i mean come on take responsibility at some point all right so and this is especially for that guy who said scott and ben please stop singing this this goes out to you this goes out to that gentleman wherever he is um hopefully he's in a ditch somewhere passed away i bet he's listening to this he's a fan yeah not i guess not no um all right so we're gonna do one of us starts with a song then we blend into another song that the other person we go back and forth back and forth and we try to kind of end it in a spectacular fashion yes and one song has to inspire the other one it can't just be a random it can't just be a

random it's gotta like something lyrically or musically or something like that something's got to get us into this all right so i want you i started last time i want you to start this time just any song off the dome off the top of your head can i go hamilton can we go hampton off the bat we could if you want sure but you just want to get into a montage of it i could feel you want whatever you want to do whatever you want to do anything you want to do no let's let's start let's start uh let's start without that and we'll see if we get there somehow all right here we go um okay give me a second okay it can't be happy birthday that's my one okay i got it ready all right here we go happy no oh no you don't know what i was gonna say what were you gonna say happy

birthday to you see that's exactly the song i did you start off then all right here we go i don't think that was that bad it was okay here we go ready take me home tonight i don't want to let your grandchild sit on light here we go now take me home tonight i don't want to be your baby be my little baby come back i want my baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back i want my baby back baby in the evening pizza at supper time when pizza is on the bed go pizza anytime when pizza is on the bed go we can have pizza anytime

say something talk to him say something anything at the light of the light of the light of the light happy talk talk about things you like to do you've gotta have a dream if you don't have a dream how you gonna make a dream come true i want a baby dream a little dream of me oh give me it though go hey now hey now don't dream it's over hey now hey now when the world comes in they come they now you're an all star get your game on let's play hey now you're an all star let's play because all the glitters is gone and in regions i break a mo-o oh yeah

uh i thought you were gonna sing it no i am not throwing away my shot yo i am not throwing away my shot hey i'm just like my country i'm young and hungry and i'm not throwing away my shot i'm gonna get a scholarship to king's college i probably shouldn't have read but then i make nostalgia oh god a lot of brains and no

polish but i don't know if your beat is making me forget the fucking words here we go thrown away my shot i'm not throwing away my shot i know this wait i want to do this one i'm just like my country i'm young scrapping and hungry and i'm not throwing away my shot i'm gonna get a scholarship to king's

college i probably shouldn't have read but then i'm amazed and astonished the problem is i got a lot of brains and no polish i got a problem just to be heard with every word i drop knowledge i'm a diamond in the rough a shiny piece of gold try to reach my gold my power speech unbeatable only 19 but my mind

is older new york city she's getting colder i show every burden every disadvantage i learn to manage i ain't got a gun to brand as i walk the street plan is then this park into a flame my man is getting dark so let me spell out my name i am the a l e x a n d e r we are made to be a colony the russian

abandonment meanwhile bring kitchen others endlessly essentially taxes relentlessly king george is around runs this band is free we will never let her all his descendant free so there will be a revolution in this century feed me here we go now feed me see more

feed me all night long you can do it feed me see more feed me all night long that's right mother f***er here we come one time because if you feed me see more i can grow up big and strong maybe far away or maybe nearby she'll be playing piano he'll be baking a pot

baking a house of maybe far away or maybe real nearby she'll be going to cuba hill star in house of pies betcha they're smart betcha they're dumb betcha they're idiots fucked right in his bum yes he said it maybe they know how sweet it could be little does god know the f***ing will be from me a lampshade of my own

a house that's real pristine a man who read the paper and a guy who drinks listerine a thing right out of a little thing called good house keeping magazine far from skid row i hope we'll go somewhere that it's not easy being green being the color of the flowers and the trees i wonder why wonder why wonder i wonder who who wrote the book of love who wrote the book of love who wrote the book of love first page was pretty good but second page was great

it talked about how love is weird and i masturbate to your face when i write the book when i write the book about my love when i write the book about my love my love my love so yes yes the olympic song challenge and michael hardigan by the way does a great job does a great job putting um orchestral arrangements behind those which we will play one of those

um a little later in our countdown not them in the dark he does them in the dark orchestral arrangements yes he he performs and composes them in the dark well he's blind he is blind yeah he's a blunt yeah isn't it weird how so many blind people are good at piano yeah isn't that strange do you think the piano makes them blind it's not i mean it might be more look don't blame the piano i've always said that hey how come there's not a scene in daredevil

where he plays the piano yeah he should be able to out of all people out of anyone yeah it seems like he should have never gone into law and just gone into being like a ray charles famous guy yeah i mean he probably would be able to read music you just like sense what does it this is a good question away the ink is this is a good question okay matt murdoch he has extra senses where he's sort of like a bat where he can hear and smell and this causes a radar well now he doesn't have extra senses it's just heightened his senses are so

heightened that they compensate for his lack of the one sense but here's the question that doesn't mean he can play piano all that well it just means he can sense where the piano is he still probably is a dumb shit about like oh what this one goes bing bong bing bong but you know what i mean like you and i could see a piano that doesn't mean we can sit down and actually play it all that well true but we're not blind but you see what i'm saying scott i'm i'm trying to go along with your premise that blind people are great at the piano and now i feel like you're fighting me

in your own argument i know i know i'm trying to but that is i'm trying to figure out where i'm trying to figure out what our relationship is what you and i yeah how we feel about blind people in the piano okay are you blind am i the piano all right let's take a break when we come back we are going to hear your uh oh the our live episode will be right after the break uh the we're gonna crack the top three right after this yeah we will be right back with more comedy bang bang after this hey everyone we're brought to you of course it wouldn't be the holidays

without them we're brought to you by lisa you know lisa lisa's like uh how to describe them the tom schuser warby parker for mattresses well it's the holiday season i know what you're up to this christmas the kids get up all excited because santa's come well you know who's not excited you and me because we know christmas just means all the mattress stores are open trying to sell you last minute holiday mattresses no no more not in 2016

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so go to lisa.com slash bang bang that's leesa.com slash bang bang enter the promo code bang bang at checkout you are going to get an unbelievable 75 dollars off. Merry Christmas from lisa never go into that mattress store again. Comedy bang bang we are back and it is time paul for to crack into our live countdown our mini countdown within the countdown it is time for to crack into it yes

you try talking as much as i'm talking by the way how much what what do you think the ratio is you act like i don't know what this is like i've never done the same you try talking for five minutes but no i'm on a new topic oh new topic what do you think the ratio is of talking on these best ups you to me 64 60 40 or is it is it a true 50 50 i think it's probably 55 45 55 45 okay what about 51 50 oh i can't drive 55

oh yeah one two all right let us get into our mini countdown our live we're counting down the um the the top four episodes of the out of the 39 live ones we did this year this is your episode three number three all right this was august 28th august 28th the end of aug the end of oggy doggie certainly we were oh we're definitely in the throes of oggy doggie at this point so wait okay end of august was this san diego no sir sandio connor august end of august we were in australia

that's right we were in australia this is the episode from sydney australia good night good night so this made the best of well we didn't vote on the when we did the howl uh wrap up yeah for the this was that was an account down we just decided what the best this wasn't a countdown don't call it a countdown uh-huh we just decided what we thought the best of was right we do we just went through the episodes we didn't really call the best of though it was a best of but we it was like

we may have cut out some i don't know paul we're in the middle of this best on can we just focus on this one fair enough bro this is um you paul of tomfkins lauren lapkis went on this leg of the tour and uh also mike hanford mm-hmm man was here with us and we were joined by a very special guest claudio adorty that's correct you heard her earlier in the countdown with weird al and jessica mccanna and um she is from australia and i just reached out to her

and said you know what i wonder if she'll be in australia i don't know how often she goes to australia turns out she only goes twice a year for one week at a time so i had a one in 26 chance and she happened to be in sydney on the day we were playing sydney she had just gotten back she'd just gotten back that day she'd just flown in i believe that uh morning uh and she uh decided to appear on the show and uh was a great addition this and gave the people in sydnia a thrill she was treated like a rock star there yes she was

and and deservedly so deservedly so now this is uh we'll hear a little bit from claudia i don't know who you're playing who are you playing in this i don't have it in this that's right andrew weber and uh i can't remember who uh lauren is oh who lauren was maybe todd maybe todd maybe i can't remember but i do know that mike hanford is going to be calvin redding that's right one of the most exasperating characters oh by the way when you hear this it's about 1100 people yeah in the crowd we arrived at the venue to find that

unlike uh what is required by the contract there were no seats in the venue and that everyone it was a standing venue um like a rock club yes an 1100 seats theater everyone was standing and uh we had two openers we had mike hanford is the normal opener and then we also had another opener who did like 15 minutes uh local local stand-up in retrospect we probably didn't have to send mike out there probably not yeah we could have just come out he said that one guy who was who was like a part of the deal that we had no control over right who was perfectly fine who was perfectly

fine so just and and then we did a two hour show i believe with an intermission too with an was it with an intermission we had to have an intermission right so there was this was so long and this is at the uh the we'll first hear from claudia but um when you listen to mike at the end just put yourself in the mind of you're a standing audience member for who's been there for three and a half hours yeah yeah uh all right this is your number three number three i don't know if you know this about me but i'm a greyhound breeder and um okay i i'm not sure how i would know that about you well i think we're friends i

mean friends would tell a friend something like i'm a greyhound breeder friends would ask friends if you were a greyhound breeder so you ask every single person you meet when you're deciding if they're going to be your friend or not if they're a greyhound breeder yeah okay they never came up to me no we did talk about it and we did yeah we did talk about it what did we say remind me of the conversation you were sick that day you were like i've got a fever anything i say today i may not remember and i was like okay scott i'll get you a glass of water but first uh are you a greyhound breeder and you're like i'm not and then you didn't ask me but i was like i should tell you i thought it's kind of rude that you weren't

asking me sure i should tell you i am a fine greyhound breeder what was my reaction if you recall was i just happy to get the water i fainted i fainted you were so sick and surprised was it sick mixed with surprise yeah i think so because you love dogs i too i'm a big canine lover how how many greyhounds do you have i have three greyhounds that's not i mean that's not a lot for a breeder they are they are such good greyhounds well are they all male are they all female do it two female and one male well that's lucky for him no but they're siblings oh because they're not breeding to they're the they're the babies they're the babies they're like pups oh it's so oh okay so how are you a breeder if you only have puppies i bought some greyhounds

from a shop and i entered them into a competition i won the competition with the best greyhounds but i i you know it's the beginning of the greyhound breeding business i see so you start with siblings and hopefully by the 10th generation all of that is kind of dogs you know they don't really they don't really mind they're dogs they don't mind yeah they don't mind what is consent to a dog yeah exactly exactly hmm so what i'm not getting is you want a competition to come back to well that was just the craziest coincidence is that the prize was a flight back to sydney and i'm feeling really jazzed about that because i want to see my mom who you know she's my mom i love my mom i keep winning competitions that she sets up and so i don't get to see much of her so i'm like great

i'm gonna see my mom i send her a text i'm like great news i'm coming back i get back to gleeb where my mom lives i can't yes gleeb that's a place here yeah have i not sung you my song about gleeb oh you have a song about gleeb please step step right up and well it's kind of about my life in gleeb um it goes like it's called claudia of gleeb do you want to hear it now yes okay it goes like this i walk through gleeb with a pie in my hands i have a lot to give i walk through gleeb with my heart on my sleeve i have a lot of life to live because i'm claudia claudia claudia of gleeb all right let's break that down

you have a pie in your hand yeah well when i wrote the song i had a pie in my hands how are you writing the song then well it's just coming to me i'm walking through gleeb sure it's a beautiful spring day i have a pie in my hand sure what kind of pie are we talking meat pie i see which is uh a popular delicacy the normal pie that's a the main pie is meat pie right are there not fruit pies here or we have them but they have no cultural significance just meat pies got it got it so you were planning on eating this pie or you were going to deliver this pie it was going to be my lunch so i i didn't want to eat it on the street eat it on the street i wanted to get it no i didn't want to no i didn't want to eat it on the street um so i just kept

walking and i don't want to make a mess around on the street sure you don't want crumbles to fall crumb gravy the yukutramaw of a pie yeah minced minced meat that's it though those are the three things there's nothing crumbs gravy minced meat anything else is in a pie name something else that's in a pie sure if something else comes in there you're in trouble yeah but yeah you don't want anything you don't want you don't want fingernails or no yuck yuck yuck yuck what about potatoes is there it's not a shepherd's pie it's a meat pie i beg your pardon so when you order a turkey sandwich do you expect just turkey or no that's like an american thing as well to be like okay because like what's chicken salad scott

i didn't expect this question i would have studied uh i think it's it's chicken uh in mayonnaise perhaps uh celery we don't what's that that's crazy you does in australia do you list every ingredient in everything that you sell pretty well on the menu it has like the list of all the stuff in it and you're like oh great blt bacon lettuce tomato we have that black bacon lettuce avocado tomato the you're saying popular sandwiches in the us as well we have these what else goes on a turkey sandwich in america tomato mustard sprouts always those things no it depends on the right look i don't want to litigate turkey sandwiches with you that's not why you're here why are we fighting we're such good friends we're such good friends

but you never remember anything about me we talk all the time and then you never remember anything i'm always sick i'm always fainting yeah but thank you for the glasses of water you're welcome i want to keep you hydrated thank you that's the number one thing people forget mm-hmm and that's where the brain stops working because hydration then 9 11 exactly and then it's the your pin your pin is yeah my i'm not gonna say oh never mind this is this is a really good who's on first routine here we're very good at comedy yeah so may i touch your pin is i'm not going to say

you sell hay that's right i'm trying to break this down you sell hay i sell hay you're allergic to it it's right i carry two suitcases with me all the time that doesn't seem like enough hay to sell like if people wanted some hay yeah although at the same time he's never sold any so it's almost more than he can sell i never sold any down here in australia i do okay remember i do okay the us so you sell just enough hay to get by to get by i have a question for this haymonger yeah in your in your suit in case is it is it merely the hay samples or is this the finished product no i've got folders with schematics and pie charts of where the hay is coming from how we're getting it to you how much is it gonna cost you that's a big question a lot of people have

what i'm talking about so like hey what's this gonna cost me they always say so all right well let me find it here in the folder i have numbers for you to look at how much hay do you need then that's my question they come back to me with a specific amount of bale a number of bales usually in the hundreds that i look at it's a graph sort of thing i'll find that number hundred you know 300 found it then i'm then i'm going right on the schematic to find the price soon after i find it i deliver that news vocally to the person and in this country i'm hearing a lot of i actually don't need any thanks for wasting my time in your own idiot so did you go out today and try to sell hay yeah here was my whole thing

i i was i came down here and i said all right this is a country i made that distinction of my vibe and i said all right i'm gonna sell these people you know hay for halloween for hay rides this i'm gonna make a fortune here no no no we don't yeah they don't have halloween here it's what i find out every single place i go then hay ride it hurts you know that it doesn't not hurt when people ask me that this is your livelihood this is what people don't know what hay rides are it's my livelihood but it's not what i care about most but it is my livelihood what do you care about most uh well i do like the harry potter movies

uh i almost feel like we should talk about them huh huh the ears are clogged up who's your favorite character sorry no i'm just there's nothing in your life then you care about more than the harry potter films that was just one on the list oh i i do beg your pardon i'm sorry if if you said it so immediately i thought this is the most important thing it's the highest not the list but it's not the only thing i'm a list so it is the thing you care about the most i guess would you put it like that yeah well what do you do do you have a family i do i have a brother-in-law so do you have like a sibling who's married to him well uh not to bring the room down but i used to

i said not to bring the room down well that's unfortunate yeah she uh well my sister you know she got uh let's just say um what i'm not gonna say by what but she got run over i i feel like if you were to say what she got run over by then you know these people we don't want to hear that we're leaving well you you you said the worst part i i don't think you need to conceal the identity no because these people might drive cars and they might say well i don't want to be the person to run over someone in my car it was a car you know then she got really run over she was we were at an ass car event oh a really fast car no it was no was this a race car that drove over it was an ass car event at the local mall they were you know tom petty was

there to do autographs tom petty sorry rigid petty was tom petty there though he was there in line two behind me was that exciting what was that an exciting feeling not for me if it was for my sister she loves him loved i should say loved she i got to get used to that it wasn't was it recently huh did she pass recently it was what when was this this was right before i left for this trip i said can we just please do the funeral like today i'm leaving very soon that's so insensitive i know but we get it we did it we got it done it was the fastest funeral you've ever seen it was quick really huh how fast was it did you say that felt like some sort of setup did you say a secret word how fast was it how fast was it uh lightning does not strike twice well

hey monger may i ask you um on the flight are you saying hey nong mer what hey nong mer i'm saying hey monger oh my mistake strange thing uh on the flight uh to this country presumably from america yeah in illinois what did you watch on the plane i was trying to watch some of the old ambfab episodes it was from 2006 this one was from i thought i'd give a shot i turned it on and there's a laugh track on it that i didn't appreciate so i turned to the person next to me and said it is that can i borrow your headphones just for one second because they were watching the same thing but they were watching it you know about 15 seconds ahead of me so i'd see kind of what's happening and i do not appreciate

that i just borrowed the person next to me uh who i later learned his name was riba was wearing corduroy shorts on a plane which i've never seen before i said for such a long flight maybe you get cold and she said you know i tend to run hot and i said okay explain the sweater she's wearing an eddie bowers sweater and she said i my legs run hot i can't explain it my husband you know thinks it's the funniest thing in the world uh ray on the plane ray was he was not on the plane why not i don't know i don't really know them so i borrowed her headphones and where do you think he was well i have a suspicion that he may have had his own business trip that he had to go on because she she said something effective oh he's meeting with clients

you know he couldn't make it know where he was no because she didn't say he he flew somewhere he's meeting with clients that i'm thinking at home what does he do i didn't want to have you ever had a business meeting at your home right now i'm staying at air be it be oh here in in australia no just overall in your whole life have you ever had a business meeting in no i usually do it either at uh my office or someone else's home or farm i did one at a restaurant i went to uh i don't know if this reference is gonna connect with anyone here apple bee no no no we have apple bee apple bees okay yeah i had a client who i was supposed to meet out in they were a rural route 34 this won't connect with anyone here and i said fine i

you know i can't make it out uh that this early you know this late the day so is there a restaurant near you that we could be these that apple bees i said i actually i haven't eaten did yet we met there i had a uh it was a salmon it was like you know like a glazed salmon type thing i don't know of any of this is going to translate to you people it's sort of yeah like a i want to say a maple glazed salmon crusted i don't know the french fries were great i forget exactly what he had his name is if you were in illinois would this really connect with people you know i don't know if they'd find the story interesting but they know rule the the root i was talking about and they might have an interesting story to that tell me about it oh yeah but how is it you've been out here

ten minutes and you and i still haven't gotten to haven't said a single interesting thing that seems impossible as a human being i don't know if that's true number three oh exasperating is it not that character the hey salesman who debuted in chicago in chicago it's a unique gift that mike has that he's able to be so calmly boring and then come up with in the most inane details yeah it's it's really i mean it's it's it's an amazing thing it is it's kind of like the game that harris uh played the first time he did carls jr um where he said i want to come in and do an anti character who never says anything interesting yeah and he couldn't help himself and he said he just kept thinking of jokes and

made that character really funny yeah but the challenge at first was to be very boring and mundane yeah but mike is doing sort of that and not having not having an interesting story that progresses but doing it in a slightly different way it's very interesting and it's because it's like mike has this ability to make it seem like the guy thinks this stuff is interesting right and then it's all these details are very important very important to him yeah and yet he the performer knows that none of them are interesting yeah it's a very interesting balance yeah all right let's take a break when we come back we are going to hear uh the number eight and we're gonna have a little surprise for you for this holiday season for me well no uh you know what it is actually

something but for everyone listening sorry sorry all right let's take a break we'll be right back with comedy bang bang sorry hey i have a very simple question for you i'm so simple anyone can answer it are you on a quest for epic gear house wear and collectibles of course you are where well loot crates geek approved subscription boxes deliver a wide range of all the best gamer and pop culture franchise gear right to your door all for less than 20 a month we're talking figures figs comics stuff for your kitchen kitchens and a new t-shirt in every single box loot crate offers a wide selection of exclusive items from fan favorite franchises that you can't get anywhere else like harry potter marvel comics fallout 4 star wars and so much more all of this for less than 20

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stomach lining actually let's not say we're balls deep in it because now that i think about it balls deep would be number one like think of i guess so think of the listeners as a 10 inch penis sure and i do we are three inches deep i'm imagining a 10 inch penis with headphones on is that weird i like it though i bet you do is that a shirt freak yeah we're three inches deep trying to get balls deep seven inches to go um so let us get to it this is your episode eight number eight all right this is from june two june two second of june second of june 2016 you're nowhere around the studio at this point that's right where am i i don't know where are you on june two do you have a calendar where you could look it up i do look it up paul

oh this is what it feels like paulie look it up this is exciting look it up paulie look it up look it up paulie look it up is it the wrong month look it up paulie look it up look it up pa where were you i was at the dentist in the morning oh ouchy yep that was it that was it and then you took the day off and i took the rest of the damn day off you're one of those guys hey i got a dentist appointment clear my schedule that's right just in case that's right just in case you're not gonna be able to talk well just in case i take my tonsils out and then i have to watch soap operas and eat ice cream

do you think that every time you go into the dentist office you're gonna regrow your tonsils and you're gonna need to take them out i still have my tonsils you do really i still i believe i still have one or two of them still am i still they took some out but then they left i think you only have two tonsils okay so that's what i said i believe i have one or two of them now that i say that though i don't know i think you have four don't you oh my god i don't know now you better look it up hey look it up look it up start it look it up look it up start it look it up we're already being told by five five yep five most people have five tonsils these these include what the first one the second one single ferring eel tonsil often richard

referred to as the adenoid located in the posterior wall of the upper part of the throat gross a pair of palatine tonsils is found at the back of the mouth a pair of lingual tonsils is located at the base of the tongue like emperor palatine yes from star wars um yeah so i saw my tonsils i still do my appendix so do i so my wisdom teeth and your virginity your v card i know i'll never surrender it except in heaven wait you're gonna wait i'm waiting until i go to heaven after who are you gonna fucking heaven anybody god oh figures crossed do you think that god if when you get up to heaven god would let you fuck him here's like the ultimate here's the thing and i'm not trying to sound full of myself sure god is uh you know an asexual sure omnipotent being sure

and presumably when we get up to heaven we will no longer have gender identities right but i think you'd be i think you'd want to have sex with me i think that you would be into it you know what i mean i mean look we'll see what happens it's heaven so great things are up there what's greater than fucking god all right let's get to it this is uh from june 2 this is an episode called sunday afternoon taped now this is uh a bunch of people this is andy samberg sure from saturday night live in brooklyn 99 this is claudio dordi we've been hearing a lot from her cod and this is nick crowl and this was an episode um uh i can only usually i can really only get andy about once a year he's he's very busy he's one of the hardest working guys in the world uh produces brooklyn

99 as well has to be there all the time he also so sneakers he's so sneakers yes in china and he's constantly flying back and forth and those are two more than full-time jobs yes those are he made my ipad he did yeah he's got tiny fingers yeah that's the thing watch brooklyn 99 and take a look at his hands and his fingers tiny tiny but they taper down perfectly so that it's like they almost it almost looks like they can have a sharp point it's like lady death strike or something yeah you know so uh can only get him once a year we got him and uh when you do get him it's it's at weird times and when you do get him it's great when you get him it's weird times no it's usually weird times and the other uh interesting part about his appearances he sets them at a time and then

normally we'll call you an hour before and go hey i just got off can we do it now and then which forcing me to wrangle all of the other participants to say can you come earlier so i believe this was one of those times why can't he wait the hour because it's like i just got off brooklyn 99 if i just go home i'm going to fall asleep or die if i go home i'll die that's a good horror movie if i go home i'll die this is very easy not to do so this is this has happened probably five times five times where i've i've called the other person sometimes it's adam palli ago adam can how soon can you get here uh it definitely happened with this can you get back into character as bro it happened this bro came back this year by the way we'll see if that ends

up on the countdown it happened this time where i believe it was eight o'clock is when we scheduled it and then it was like hey it's seven can we all meet got everyone around he had just gotten off work most of us had just gotten off work we usually don't do the late night ones and then we found out that ear wolf had a had a keg yeah tapped what engineer cody cody what do you call it it's uh what is it over it's a keg stand and there what kind of beers in there yellow i can't recall it's some kind of beer we we found that out that that night and we said oh well it's night why don't we have a drink and uh andy had given up gluten and it was the first time he'd had a beer in like a year or something like that we all immediately got buzzed that quick from

one beer and a very loopy energy and uh it it kind of took over the episode um andy's himself claudie's himself uh or her character of herself i myself and then uh nick krull comes in as our shrift his australian character very ballsy to do an australian character in front of claudia absolutely in front of an actual australian absolutely but she enjoys it so hey who are we to judge all right so let's hear it this is our shrift this is your episode eight number eight did you leave something in the studio why have you come back i left my my hat in here oh well let's get a look at this hat cleveland indians wow that's my team whoa yeah she's always roots for them yeah he's a little boy growing up in cleveland did phil necro just captured your imagination

every day yeah i loved him and of course the who could forget the cleveland cavern layers who could forget well people that don't think people that are forgetful yeah all timers patients yeah uh people who don't care about sports people who check out on sports teams names yeah yeah i mean if you were andy if you had to name uh 30 professional basketball teams could you i don't know that there are that many and there's got to be 30 if there's 36 nfl teams all right let me try here we go professional basketball and try to go as quickly as possible golden state warriors cleveland cavaliers utah jazz detroit pistons boston celtics new york nicks la clippers la lakers d Guy Sacramento kings already? no philadelphia 76ers Miami 힌 yeet milwacky bucks uh

eugene flim flams珍 Charana raptors you're at 15 you're halfway there i love this fuck you uh san antonio spurs houston rockets um austin jibbles uh keep going tennessee tennessee titties tennessee titties sorry i have a new yeah no i know what you mean yeah i know what you're going through here tennessee titties you're at 19 titties new jersey nets uh sorry brooklyn they moved you're at 20 you're at 20 10 more minnesota timberwolves yes uh charlotte hornets

yes are they in charlotte anymore they might have moved yep nope who cares okay who cares you did it ha ha denver nuggets yes uh uh bozeman titties yep uh so here's a note with some of the names thank you at lana hawks at lana hawks where am i at where am i time you're at 26 26 26 and i need 30 you need 30 four more holy four more just the arizona what about arizona uh uh is there one i don't know yes it's right here written on this paper oh phoenix titties uh 27 portland trailblazers yes uh seattle no they're not anymore they moved supersonics moved they moved it's not there anymore oklahoma city thunder uh how many uh you're 29 one more one more yeah uh

washington dc titties time titties you're not in time you have 29 and a half you said washington dc titties titties yeah oh nice oh wait that one was wrong it's the washington wizards oh that's right speak of nice here's another memory test for you what if we played the hollywood facts theme song i will definitely nail it first try all right here we go ready this is the hollywood facts theme song let's everybody sing along nice well it's hollywood facts and we're going downtown going to england wood now everybody do you know your stars there's glitz and glamour and lots of bars get a drink at a club then go down from chinese chinese theater hollywood facts

take out your dick okay let's try the facts it's the hollywood facts bro here we go let's try it again here we go and nice well it's hollywood facts and we're going downtown going to england wood now everybody do you know your stars there's glitz and glamour and lots of bars get a drink at a club then go down in front of the chinese theater hollywood facts take out your dick check out the facts it's the hollywood facts one more time for take out your dicks here we go dick are you guys not seeing yeah why aren't you guys singing here we go and male and demon nice well it's hollywood facts and we're going downtown going to england wood now everybody do you know your stars there's glitz and glamour and lots of bars get a drink at a club then go walk in front of the chinese theater

hollywood facts take out your dick check out the facts it's the hollywood facts bro yes not bad not bad remember how many times we had to do it last time a lot yeah that was good all right would you say we nailed it i think we nailed it yeah definitely yeah male or demon i loved it i loved every moment of it well it resides upon the internet so of course you would love it i listen to it um the daily oh on the daily yes what about our shrift do you like it i loved it what did you love about it i love the rhythm i love the lyric calorie and i loved every single moment of everything i love wait a minute wait a minute what's this rubber here what is this wait a minute wait male or demon what are you pretending to be our shrift

please please just let me have this one moment so is our shrift real what did you invent our shrift our shrift is real oh my god as real as i am wait a minute wait a minute are you real let me get let me this is this seems like rubber too hold on oh my god Febreze Febreze uh-oh what's up you cunt ass cunts what are you doing impersonating the male or demon impersonating all y'all fucking bitches y'all falling for some digital nonsense some australian nightmare i should have known your mother fuckers got pranked hard i should have known because like the rules with male or demon were so soggy that's right like my dick which is a soggy croissant god well now i understand why all the jokes were so dirty yeah i guess like they all came from one kind of

mine right that no matter what it sounds like at his core is the one interesting idea right wow hey febreze what's what's been going on what's cracking with you i don't know we're just you know i don't know there's not a lot of craft service around here so maybe you're not that's right i did craft services on popster did you on popster really yeah and i thought it was funny to do all pop tours yeah it was very very uh i would imagine day two or even half of day one that gets old the the cast and crew were malnourished pretty badly yeah it was like you know how you know how like pirates would go and get scurvy i don't know what you're oh pirates pirates you know how pirates would get scurvy they didn't have no vitamin c yeah they needed that's what

happened to most of the cast and crew on pops they got scurvy yeah because i was only feeding them kind of like you know meat based pop tours and claudia claudio authority is that who you really are yeah you are you you are claudio yeah that's who i am just one thing wait a minute you have something sticking out out of your shirt no don't look at that uh oh wait a bit you're just yourself underneath there i know i just it's easy than doing makeup i wear a rubber mask you wear a rubber mask yeah i was gonna say real mask thank you yeah i spent a lot of money i was twenty six thousand dollars wow that's amazing you think that's a lot of money wow but you know australian that's twenty six thousand dollars exactly glad you're still talking about australia yeah wait a minute

what's what's going on with that rubber the breeze for breeze what is this rubber hi oh it's i knew it is this this is the last one though right i don't know is it no go on his mask all right here we go hey guys wait who's this nick kroll it's nick kroll hey man hey guys what are you doing here i'm exhausted yeah you do a lot of characters it's so impressive oh i didn't know were their characters i was i've been hiding inside of this nesting though right yeah a lot of characters on the exterior hey scott claudia can i have a word real quick yeah uh nick do you mind not listening sure you know okay just take your headphones off i'm happy to thank you hey any what's it you guys this is fucked up this is so fucked up i know for a fact that nick kroll

has something else he's doing right now there's no way this is this can't be nick kroll no because i heard that he was gonna be um jacking off in the bathroom at chick filet right now he told me wait at chick filet his policies so this isn't yeah that's not there's no way so look we have two choices we can either try and pull off the mask and see what it is or we can just fucking shoot him in the face i don't know i brought i brought only five guns i only have 17 i don't know what to do i think we should shoot him i think we should fucking shoot him in the face because who knows who could be under there who it could be it could be our drift it could be male or demon or worse oh he's taking over another mob wait a minute hey oh no not so

vestor silo and this kid makes great pictures yeah this pop star i saw it i saw it i saw it it was great thanks it's a great picture hey andy can i talk to you for a second yeah sly excuse me one second all right no problem i saw a little bit of plastic sticking up underneath sly shirt you sure color you think that's not the real i don't think that's the real sly claudia are you in on this i think i am in on this but yeah i'm scared to find out what underneath claudia we're gonna need you what's gonna be under there okay we're gonna need you to pull on it okay okay excuse me mr. stillone wait wait wait wait wait wait wait just promise me claudia if you pull the mask off and it's not actually sausage alone and you think there's a chance there's another mask you'll keep

pulling the masks off super fast until there are no more masks you've got it andy i make this promise to you okay here we go here we go yeah excuse me mr. still on that shirts beautiful do you mind if i feel the collar a million sigma wow i love that the can i feel the collar it's pure silk 100 percent i'm claudia now hello please claudia please now please you have to new rules claudia now now definitely leave it here yeah this is the real person this is the real way it's not this is who we were waiting for is it a creaky gate it's a creaky gate i love this one so wait hold on let

me get this straight a creaky gate wore like approximately 35 masks yeah and was doing characters this is standard anyway scott shocking i don't want to speak out of turn but i think this is the part where you ask me personal questions when we get serious oh yeah do you believe in god i'm not sure oh creaky gate creaky gate don't you dare stop don't you all right fucking stop i'm answering serious questions yeah you know what we i i i barely have any time left to ask you any serious questions because i feel like it would really sound nice right now yeah i don't know look uh god this is the creakiest gate i've ever heard it's so creaky it's just swinging open do you have any gate grease on you of course i do oh will you

put it on yeah here we go ready so now it's just a nice gate yeah nice creakless gate or is it claudia now it was the mailer demon the whole time wow i guess you can see that coming quite a way off i good i can see the future oh what's gonna happen pop star is going to make 100 million dollars it's opening night is that good opening night yes claudia uh-huh season 14 of love will be its finest oh well i look forward to that what about me what about me what about me scott comedy bang bang will be the longest running podcast in earwolf history and now i know you're lying claudia now hey guys nick you're back sort of sort of i'm sort of back what does that mean oh i don't even know wow well i was gonna say this is a tour de force but uh more like a force

majeure that's fair yeah more like a tour de France yeah my legs arms are on long and painful we found out he's been doping the entire time it's like one that doesn't deserve any of his success fucking nutless wonder number eight all right sunday afternoon taped just crazy craziness just people having a good time just people having a good time not one of the most polished episodes of all time but it's just funny people getting together and enjoying compared to what what are the polished episodes maybe this one oh good point speaking of polish i gotta we gotta talk about let's uh it's polish time it's polish just polish time please polish don't hurt him we i don't know what the segue could possibly be when i say speaking of polish but i was gonna

say let's polish off something that we talked about last year absolutely now last year at this time we were recording the best ofs and i don't recall how we got into it but do you recall because you've listened to it i've listened to it i just listened to it yesterday right and i still i cannot tell you how why we were talking about yes okay good we in the best ofs last year go ahead listen to it we'll wait we decided we we hit upon something called please well for it started as a plea okay this christmas don't joke about i-robot i don't remember why the movie i-robot the movie i-robot 2004 adaptation of isaac azimov's story starring will smith it was a moderate success i guess it was not like a huge bomb not beloved but not beloved no it was not really talked about strangely

enough i believe i auditioned to be the robot in that the titular robot yes the titular robot himself the one who goes i robot and you man i auditioned to be the robot in that and the whole time i was thinking they're just gonna cast some big actor as this which they ended up doing i believe right is there i i would assume there's more than one robot in the film yeah there's a million robots but there's like the main robot the i-robot the i-robot let me look up who the i-robot got it look it up i i think it was ellentutic oh sure he's good yeah he's great yeah he's terrific yeah been on bang bang but he wasn't famous at the time i don't know why oh fuck no you could have i mean i could have gotten anybody could have gotten it but you i guess i guess i didn't

wait i didn't get it right you didn't get i'm not that robot did you hear that you were still in the mix it might be i'm still last i heard i'm still in the mix for men in black two never heard otherwise what about that 21 jumpsuit crossover with men in black isn't that the weirdest project you've ever heard of yes don't do that because they're both owned by sony they're gonna do a crossover hollywood don't do that don't do that hollywood don't do that all right so we were talking about i-robot we said please don't make fun of i-robot this christmas i by the way we were barely talking about i-robot we mentioned the title we weren't we weren't talking about the movie look we just had to look up who who was another

person in it yeah i don't know why we got on this but we start saying please don't joke about i-robot this christmas and then we said that would make a good song yeah and then we said hey everyone remind us yep next year that we want to actually record this song yeah we simulated that it would be a country song yep country and western with a spoken word interlude sure um we i think i believe we said it was going to be like a we are the world situation where we got a bunch of people to sing on it that did not happen that that spoiler alert did not happen but we are going to sing this is the debut this is the debut of our brand new single that's right this this will be look cut this out save it as an mp3 make this a staple of your christmas listening from now on

christmas is right around the corner literally days away the goose is getting fat please put a penny one penny in the old man's half if you haven't got a penny a hey penny will do hey you know what if you haven't got a hey penny fuck you yeah get the fuck out of here i'm sorry i'm sorry for the radio forget you we're gonna do it we actually did it paul you wrote this song and ebb and shredder wrote the music and has created a backing track for this we're actually gonna do it we're gonna do it so guys uh being as we are just on the cusp of christmas a christmas eve if you will on a christmas cusp here's a special holiday classic for you and yo ass is this is please don't joke about irobot this christmas hit it

you don't have to wrap a gift for me and you don't have to put lights on a tree but i've got one request you must not dismiss please don't joke about irobot this christmas please don't joke about irobot this christmas that's the cruelest thing that you could do please don't joke about irobot this christmas because irobot would not joke about you

you can't sing a carol in the snow gain a bunch of weight and laugh ho ho ho you can't drink ten thousand mugs of swiss miss please don't joke about irobot this christmas please don't joke about irobot this christmas that's the cruelest thing that you could do please don't joke about irobot this christmas because irobot would not joke about you

irobot was released in 2004 and as of this recording has a 58 score on the rotten tomato movie website that means half of audiences liked it just fine there were way worse movies released that year national treasure for instance maybe make fun of that one instead how about the boulder express pretty creepy m-night shamalons the village for crying out loud hey white chicks come on white chicks is better than irobot get out of town so this year as you gather around the christmas tree and open your presents just this one time don't joke about irobot give a man of snow a carrot nose squeeze the baby jesus' little toes

but should you ignore my warning you'd be remiss please don't joke about irobot this christmas please don't joke about irobot this christmas that's the cruelest thing that you could do please don't joke about irobot this christmas because irobot would not joke about you you irobot would not joke about you

merry christmas merry christmas oh a yuletide classic instant yuletide classic i have a tear in my eye i have a tear in my beer because i'm thinking of you dear i hope people take it to heart i think anyone who first of all any monster who sits around the christmas table and decides to joke about irobot talking about it come on it's the christmas holiday season let's leave some of these movies alone what i first was writing the lyrics i wrote i remembered it as please don't make fun of irobot right so this isn't even that this is don't just joke about irobot don't be like hey remember that time we went to

see irobot and your aunt was did something crazy don't joke don't joke about it don't don't joke about it please it's christmas well guys i hope you take that to heart and i hope you have a lovely christmas but we're not done with our countdown we still have two episodes to go uh next week before in between christmas and new year's eve so are you ready for those we're gonna be uh going and doing number seven through number one i mean i i mean i guess i'll have to be ready you're gonna have to be ready because it's gonna happen yeah yeah paul thanks thanks for right yeah just like death uh thank you so much for writing that song i hope people enjoyed oh and thank you to ebb and shredder for turning that music around so fast in literally i think 12 hours yes did a

full complete demo absolutely beautiful beautiful all right we'll see you on monday for the rest of the countdown until then have a wonderful christmas thanks bye hello i'm chris gethard and here with me is dream analysis expert gary richardson and we are here to give you a taste of a brand new podcast called in your dreams presented exclusively by the fine folks at casper we listened to the wildest weirdest dreams that made it to us by you our listeners and we do our best to figure out just what those dreams could possibly mean and look over the side of my bunk bed and there are qe lewis and the news you're saying this person might have interests in style and fashion specifically you can tell that from that voicemail 99 percent certainty plus we'll be joined by some very special

guests the word brutality comes to mind mortality blood blood tally subscribe to in your dreams right now on itunes or wherever you get your podcasts thanks for listening good night this has been an earwolf production executive produced by scott ockerman and chris bannon for more information and content visit earwolf.com want to hear earwolf pilots before anybody else we made a podcast feed just for you earwolf presents is full of great stuff like preview episodes for upcoming shows peaks behind the paywall and pilots for podcasts that haven't even been made yet it's like getting to listen in behind the scenes here at earwolf starting january 21st earwolf presents will have a bunch of new pilots

for you like edgar momplacirs the wokest catch conversations between the wokest man in the world and comedians like rizalachea also hear upcoming pilots the florida cast wow you're native american too this week in sports and carl alarm all throughout the month let us know what you think of them with hashtag earwolf presents subscribe to earwolf presents to hear more great episodes from around the network and behind the paywall like an episode of drew tarver's strictly business with derek entrara or act one of matt bessar's punk musical stolen idea just search for earwolf presents in your podcast app and subscribe so you don't miss an update