Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Best of 2018 Pt. 3

Episode Date: December 31, 2018

Celebrate New Year’s Eve with Scott and Paul F. Tompkins as they continue to countdown the Best of Comedy Bang! Bang! 2018 episodes with numbers six through four. See you next year!

you put the lime in the coconut you put the coconut in the trash you go to the freaking doctor like a normal person Kyle welcome to comedy bang bang thank you to Colfax mcliver neck Colfax mcliver neck yes our old friend Colfax mcliver neck yes the doctor is the one who told the woman what the line the doctor is a coconut the doctor is the one who advised him to put the lime in the coconut and so to say go to the doctor because the way why does the doctor say to put a lime in a coconut as some sort of medicinal purposes look the doctor's incompetent that's neither

here nor there okay this which doctor should be the moral of the story yes this presupposes that this person came up with this as a home remedy not true no not on my watch no universal healthcare single payer now lock her up hi everyone if you've never heard the show before good bye that's about as political as we get welcome to the show this is comedy bang bang the best of 2018 part 3 yeah man and it is New Year's Eve oh can you I can Scott I can smell what do you smell I what's going on in the studio to smell toast oh no my left arm is tingling oh goodbye Paul see you on the other side I can smell romance

in the air oh that's right a lot of people will be a smoochin tonight this is the number one kissing holiday you would think it would be Valentine's Day no no people are tired of each other and people you don't have to kiss each other on Valentine's Day no New Year's Eve at the stroke of midnight you must kiss you must kiss there's someone who tries to kiss you you must you must accept it you submit have you ever had a New Year's Eve kiss that was unexpected or welcome or have you ever been to a party and the food was just no no I remember I'm so sorry being well I remember being a big deal when I was younger to have a kiss

so like the way it was sold to us in the mainstream media lame stream media I call it of course was that you go to a party with a bunch of random you know what I want to call it the cream stream media because it's crazy like creamer or the crane stream media yes so first gay couple of television they were married right I think so that's why they have the last name yeah but you go to a party with a bunch of randos and then and there's nothing more I hate nothing more than randos and if you at the stroke of midnight I'm talking about this the very stroke the very stroke is it I never got this is it is it when at

chime 12 or at the stroke meaning at chime 11 at 1 midnight is they time those those bongs out to the last one is when midnight is is that right or is it the first one no it's they as soon as it strikes that is happy new year that's when everyone screams they're fucking no I know midnight is when happy new year I'm saying when no no I know we're saying the same we're on the same side okay okay I'm saying as soon as that minute hand hits the 12 that's when they start the 12 that's when they start the 12 bugs but everyone goes crazy at bong number one that's what I so so at Big Ben say you at Big Ben three bongs at Big

Ben oh man did you can you imagine can you imagine three bongs at big bongs at Big Ben oh fuck we're putt heads we're total putt heads you can tell from our accurate rendition I love doing pot through a bong so it's at the it's at the so you don't wait in for the 12 they it's at the first one is is when the time is yeah because you've done a countdown already well I know the countdown although I'm just saying I'm not saying you don't know these things I'm just saying damn it Big Ben you're in England Scott you're fighting me at every turn you're it I think we're saying the same thing but I want to get

hyper specific I'm trying to and you keep shooting me down you're in England you hear Big Ben go you have you you get your passport you get you you probably have to do that yes rule it's very strict you have the idea to go there you know before that you hear about it your parents meet before that Jesus your mother Jesus is born Jesus is born saves everybody before that even but Big Ben it's three o'clock big big Ben goes bong and it's gonna do two more you know it's three o'clock right when they go bong yeah not bong but you have to wait out the other two sure yeah stand there fucking dumbass but so so

say you wake up you don't know what time it is you don't have a phone on you don't have a clock suddenly you hear bong if it's midnight mm-hmm you're gonna have to wait to know what truly what time it is it's gonna be twelve third or it's gonna be twelve oh one twelve oh one and a half by the time you figure this out so I something Scott I've lived this exact experience no we have in our home a cuckoo clock it's in the living room okay you can hear it from the bedroom sure oh thank God so in the morning so wait this thing is going off all night no it goes to sleep itself when the lights are out it goes to sleep itself sleep

itself when the lights are out yes it has a light sense it has a light sensor okay so it knows not all sensors operating at the efficiency if you're taking a nap and you leave the light on much like Motel 6 or is sunlight or much like Joe Cocker advice with his hats is sunlight on it so during the afternoon is it always on like at the crack of dawn is it on yeah so if you're trying to sleep in or you're trying to nap in the middle of the day it'll be going off like it's not so loud in the bedroom that it would wake you up in the morning right so like I've never I've never like all of a sudden it's 6 a.m.

like that fucking clock right but let's say I'll wake up and I'm lying in bed this is a hypothetical okay you wake up but based on actual events wow okay so this is based on some IP I'm comfortable with I wake up I hear the cuckoo start to sing his merry-go-round you're sure to sing his merry-go-round I don't know what time it is I say I'm gonna count these fucking cuckoo sure that's not just natural cuckoo clock listening this is classic natural cuckoo clock listening now here's what you must know about modern cuckoo clocks modern cuckoo clocks okay and I know this because I know other people have

cuckoo clocks I'm not saying we're in a club sure we're not but that's why I'm not saying that but the cuckoo clock community is small enough that you just gradually the triple C ever you know other people right you get to notice certain sides like they have a peak lock their bags under their eyes they can't sleep they seem to be counting in their heads a lot there is there's a sort of monopoly on the sound and the actual cuckoo itself so the clocks are all different got it but the cuckoo itself this white plastic cuckoo that comes out he here's what he will do he comes out of his little his little hole

right almost as if he's being birthed it's a lot like the birth canal well he comes out so fast it's like he's rushing like he was late to get there right he's watching his hair is must he's like oh fuck fuck please if you are a cuckoo clock maker please make one where the cuckoo comes out and goes oh fuck cuckoo for the first one and then and then the rest it's fine so the first one should always be like I just got here shit so that what happens is this this this cuckoo he he comes out he says cuckoo he he like like bends down and his wings flap up right he makes a big he makes a

real show out of it yeah oh boy so he's bending over he like bows he bows to whom cuckoo to you you're the master of the house pretend to you so our neighbors have a cuckoo clock completely different clock same cuckoo same sound it's what it's a net it's an actual recording of a cuckoo but it's a recording of a real bird recording a real bird voice box okay yes and then they it instantly echoes slightly quieter it sounds like it's further away so it goes it goes like this and this is not your you're not hearing the echo meaning you're hearing your neighbors no I thought about that okay and so I stood in the street between our two

and all you heard was cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo so I think it's to let you it's to help you count the cuckoo's the echo is to help you get the cuckoo yes somehow does that make sense I don't know but it works it actually works so without an echo you would be unable to count these cuckoo well no of course you could but there's something about the echo that that keeps you cemented in where in the count okay I don't know I can't explain it but same so two different clocks same cuckoo same sound how odd yeah and then I got one from my office okay from a completely a third other place same cuckoo same sound well it sounds to me like cuckoo clocks there are so few of them that they there's maybe one place that does the cuckoo's

but when you search online for cuckoo clocks sure you can't believe how many how many varieties there's so many so then how did you end up in such close proximity finding the same cuckoo in these three different places this is insane this is my question how deep does this go all the way up it goes so deep it goes all the way up well um and and have you think this is interesting to anyone I don't know but let's continue do you and your neighbor ever talk about this have you ever said hey same cuckoo oh we've talked about it really so you're on speaking terms with your neighbor yes that's good yes and was the first and no topics are off the table good so just like laying it out there yeah I remember saying to her can I ask you a question about your clock

and I was I was really tense I was like she was gonna say how dare you how yes I'm a married woman you're a married man and this is inappropriate and this is inappropriate but instead she said Paul you can ask me anything yeah yeah and she's hoping maybe that you ask her something kind of inappropriate about yeah I mean she's a married well I eventually did okay so you got first I asked about the cuckoo clock then I said what do you look like nude she said kind of frumpy she had to describe Scott I don't know this person have I told you this story Cuckoo clocks cuckoo clocks get at us text one for three and two for yes I had a neighbor who was crazy and collected them and it was a it was a little on the nose collecting them is a bit

much yeah she had a lot yeah she had them all in her bathroom she yeah she literally the first day I met her she came over and announced who she was and told me that half of her brain had been taken out wow yeah she was famously she when she was showing cool up her my wife cool up her oh this is for some reason I thought this is like when you were a kid this is modern day this is modern day when she was showing cool up her place she went into the bathroom and pulled the shower curtain and her entire bathtub was filled with kitty litter and barf and then she opened up the closet and hanging inside were just on several hangers were baby clothes and she said I don't have children but I like their clothes and at that point cool up knew she had to get the

what the fuck oh my god does she live alone this person she I believe she eventually moved out to live with her mother after vandalizing several of our places long story how old was she she was probably 15 years older than I if I had to guess what a weird thing to say why wouldn't you just say because she moved away so long ago that I can't I can't handicap it now okay so then I was this age so hard she was 15 years old so now but I mean it was about 15 years ago so who knows so she was 30 I don't know this happened when you were baby yes she was 15 years old uh that place uh someday I'll tell you the story of all my crazy neighbors but uh quite a menagerie passed through can I say something I also don't have kids and I also do

like their clothes you do but I haven't bought any what that separates me from her what are you doing just going by the elementary schools and checking them out or how do you I'm looking in the window at baby gap sorry I don't know what your delivery system to your eyes is can I see you nude you are take off your 3d glasses why have you been wearing those this whole time I was hoping your penis would come straight at me oh did it will if you take off the glasses oh oh gosh paul of tomkins is here yeah my name is scott auger and I don't know whether I mentioned who we are I don't I don't know that anyone knows do you think anyone who had no idea who we are listened to any of that do you think that would that would be do you think that would be interesting

it would would it was like I was told to check this out and then it's just two randos right here two randos which everyone hates right just talking about something and you don't know who they are why they're talking about they finally get to a crazy person great oh good I'm locked in I'm I heard comedy bang bang is about crazy people look how sad Chewbacca looks on this box of tissues okay we have a box of tissues in the room and it's star wars themed yeah and I believe storm troopers aren't approximately 75 percent of there's a storm trooper there's uh kylo ren is that kylo ren and it's our old friend baldroid oh baldroid hello baldroid welcome back who's on the bottom then the bottom bonus kylo ren it looks like venom now and then Chewbacca and then Chewbacca

look at on top where the Kleenex has come out there's just anguished I believe tie fighters and x-wings yeah tie fighters and x-wings you know what life is it's a bunch of tie fighters and x-wings you ever noticed that the tie fighters and x-wings are sort of like the x's and o's on tic-tac-toe or like kisses and hugs yes you ever think Darth Vader like signed off on one of his letters just like tie fighter x-wing Darth Vader tie fighter x-wing Darth did you get that grandma target grandma target why how come they dropped grand moth as a title I think they still use it in some of them moth really moth is that's not an english thing right it's something he made up I believe it's one of his great makeup ups one of his great makeup looks like a good skywalker

yeah well everyone else's name in that now of course when solo came out this year we we learned that it wasn't just a shitty name George Lucas came up for him that he picked it because he was alone right so it makes more sense it's kind of assigned to him yeah well yeah did someone say like I'll just call you solo because you're alone I think he said I'm solo and then the person wrote it down but he didn't mean it as a name something like classic part of the movies um here's a here's a part I want to talk about yeah so you got this robot who's like robots or slaves they should have that's right yeah that's right that's part of this right everyone's like haha then that robot frees a bunch of other robots right yes you know change like there's some there's some restriction

in robots that makes them slaves so something in there programming or like a chip or a bar something like that yeah wasn't there some sort of restraining bar on r2d2 in the first yeah I took out his restraining bolt yeah yeah yeah right and on Sathripio right so they couldn't run away yeah he had one like a third nipple like marky mark right then so then this robot frees all these other robots okay and then um we just forget about that idea that happens in the past in the Star Wars universe so nowadays when Luke Skywalker yeah great name uh has this restraining bolt on c3po and r2d2 he's not considered to be a slaver or anything well even when they take off the restraining bolt and they're just hanging out as his friends I guess they they choose to do this yeah after I mean

c3po is like it's not that he's programmed to do this like well this is my job yeah at a certain point I mean I care about it they crash landed on Tatooine and yeah when he takes out the restraining bolt you think it would be like goodbye muscle Luke I'm off to the spaceport yeah gotta get back to the rebel forces I have a wife and children what if he has a family somewhere do robots fuck that's what we're getting to that's what we're all thinking do you think that c3po and r2d2 I mean r2d2 has all those attachments that come out of that hole they have the energy of people that used to be a couple yeah like thousands and thousands of years ago yeah when they were first built that's right they were a couple yeah and they tried it for like three years which is a long

time yeah yeah I mean when you're that you know centuries old maybe it's not a long time in the span of it but like are they supposed to be centuries old I feel like they were I mean they're outdated models I think aren't they like anytime anyone sees one of them they're like what do you have that old hunk of junk for why is that a space museum right but it seems a little weird that they would just like throw them in a trash pile especially if it was still on and screaming but that's also r2d2 screams does he feel pain I guess you know yeah I mean oh there's a one robot I was just reminding of this during a supergo uh session a robot uh gets his feet burned oh yeah like a jobless palace or something and they're just going like brand his feet and he screams

bloody murder so I guess they have feelings or they're programmed to react as if they have feelings it might be that which and that's fucked up yeah that's like I better put into this robot that if it ever gets burned on its feet it will it will scream by the way engineer sam uh has texted us both a moth is a regional governor of star systems moth tarkin is the first to be awarded the title by ember palpatine oh okay by the way palpatine is named palpatine because he's so evil he gets your heart palpitating you give my heart the palpatines like everyone george I got the palpatine george lucas is so lazy he's like this kid wants to go uh you're gonna fly around a spaceship I'll call him skywalker uh this lady this guy's a loner so I'll call him solo

this lady's alive her name's organa exactly she the only thing she's good for is being alive this guy's uh being a hole this guy's a weirdo he's obi kenobi how does that one work kenobi obi won he's one guy obi won kenobi obi won obi kenobi obi kenobi obi obi obi if this were music kenobi's I would be so happy if this if life was a musical that no one had ever unlocked and just saying that unlocked made it happen like all of a sudden strings yeah and then we just start dancing on the table yeah doing a soft shoe obi kenobi kenobi and obi and then it happened for everyone because we were the first and they had no but would they have any would people like it I don't know not everybody's us not everyone is into musicals I would love it

if suddenly I had the ability to tap dance into soft shoe the way that and and the way to dance like jean kelly do you think that the people because these are just regular people in these musicals they don't they should not have years of dance training they all have other jobs no so by one guy he's an american embarrassed yes job so when a musical number comes into a musical you are basically being transport there something takes over their body and gives them the ability to do these dances like in la la land yes exactly so they are they're being basically possessed by some sort of spirit be it evil be a good be evil be a good so I would love that if suddenly because I you know as someone who tried to do musicals when I was growing up I always hated

the dance uh part me too and even though I did I did learn how to tap and I was in Chicago and I tapped and tapped occasionally in some of the other shows uh I'm not the most expressive dancer so if something were to take over my body during a musical number that was happening in real life I would love that I'd be like holy shit I just tap danced expertly no texts from Sam about that um what is someone taking over yeah about the spirit of dance taking over your body all right Sam well uh my have you ever had the the fantasy that you would learn to do something in secret and then you bust it out at a party or something yeah piano me too piano and dance are the two things yeah well I I truly believe that if you because your uh your birthday party was this

year that was a great time and you came out and uh sang uh the Pet Shop Boys it's a sin with a big band and uh and I remember turning to cool up going Pet Shop Boys you like because she always makes fun of me when I listen to the Pet Shop Boys anytime they come on she's like the Pet Shop Boys I'm like that was good this is the Pet Shop Boys she's like I know you like Paul so but in any case I think that if you worked had worked for a year once a week just once a week took a took a dance thing I mean look at people on Dancing with the Stars our our friend Nikki Glazer was on this year and she was only on one episode yeah but she I'm sure she had to do that in just like a week had to put that together with it with a person who knows what they're doing yeah I bet if like

you did one day a week for a year you could do like an amazing choreograph dance this is the the most serious I've ever gotten about it I've been thinking about it a lot lately I think it might happen I think it might happen when when we okay don't don't tell me because I want to be surprised I'm not gonna tell you what if it was here on the show the next episode whoa Scott that was all set up I would love to play piano though and uh you know I remember going over to uh Jack McBrayer's house once and he had started taking lessons and I was like wow that I've always I've always kind of assumed it was too late for me but here's Jack he's he's just started taking lessons maybe a year earlier and he played me some stuff on the piano I was like that's how you do it and I

saw him the other night I said how's the piano coming he's like oh I don't do that anymore still have a piano in my house you know my mother took started taking piano lessons when she was in her 50s really yes okay how did she end up well she didn't end up so well because we all made fun of her because we're not good people and she but she tried it for a while and she I remember one Thanksgiving my she was demonstrating her progress for uh our family and my cousins and she was trying to play uh when the saints go marching in let me see if I can hum that uh huh huh okay yeah got it so she was playing like this dad dad dad dad dad dad dad dad dad dad dad dad so she was taking a lot of

and then my cousin Stephen said that's great all he need now is a singer who stutters that's like a classic vaudeville joke wow yabirnt this is Tompkins yabirnt mom yabirnt how did she ever recover well she didn't know she died oh that's right I forgot she died from that you've never talked about it I mean I have no proof that she didn't die from that she died of shame a mere 30 years later well I would love to learn I tell you what if I learn how to play the piano I'll pull all accompany you and you're there we go this is perfect what type of dance do you want to do I want to tap dance tap dance yeah great you can do it it's uh I think I can do it it's uh it's a fun it is fun and you don't have to use like too much of your upper body which is is uh well

I can't you know I'm paralyzed from the waist up yeah I did I did know that my legs work like crazy you're just bending over backwards the entire time yeah yeah I like have to swing my arms up on a table to make it look natural oh paul that's not true I hope it's probably not true it's probably not true paul we have to get to it we have to get to it we I'll tell everyone what we're doing this enough grab ass we are counting down the top 14 episodes of the year of comedy bang bang late November through late November of this year but we call it 2018 we're counting down the top 14 in our previous episodes go listen to those if you haven't yet our previous episodes we my wish for you go listen to those we counted down from 14 three seven that's right 14 through seven today

we are going to be listening to the number six episode the number five episode and the number four episode holy shit things are heating up here I mean they're getting hot and spicy they really are I mean it's getting exciting sweaty and hot what is that from Alan thick sang it did he write it as well I mean probably probably he was a big song writer they could have only found somewhere like someone else wrote it and discarded it yeah like he's like walking on the street just the other day and he finds a pretty lady you know what to say so instead he found a song yeah he sang it on some tv special sweaty and hot it was all about the the workout craze oh remember that remember how it was so weird in the 80s that anyone was working out yeah yeah that they

that people had to talk about it yeah I'm gonna write a song let's get physical physical so no one before then ever worked out I guess nope well you had the the you know that that sort of big rubber band that would shake you sure but everyone's I think what it was was everyone basically ate sensibly yeah until the 80s I think it took because we just invented more and more garbage right and processed food and everything and everyone started eating out like mcdonald's basically yeah necessitated the workout craze of the 80s like if you wanted to be in the in the let's say the 40s if you wanted to be fat you had to like just get a really try you had to eat lard out of a bucket with a spoon and that's what they did and everyone knew you know that's what's

who is it laurel or hardy which one was a fat one hardy hardy and now we have hardies and now we have hardy scott and now we have arby's where's it in we don't have laurels we don't know of course now we don't have stands we have abbots we don't have castellos no I remember going to a restaurant by the name of claimjumper they have some around here when in the mid 80s a little prospector a little prostitute is what I thought you were gonna say little prostitutes and I remember we move the people in that we went to church with and they have giant portions and everyone was like I like how big the portions are and they were ungodly looking at the time now when you go it's what everyone serves so everyone

just eats too much is that right I think it is it's weird that that's a that's become a movement in restaurants I remember well it became like we're gonna we're gonna charge you more yeah but we're gonna give you extra portions so shut up so so really it's a con in a certain way of like at the time say a dinner was $10 they would charge you 15 but we're gonna give you a dinner and a half a dinner and a half and now the food costs are probably pretty low so you know the food is garbage right but they're charging you an extra five they made so much money that way now cut to now everyone is just charging the 15 and giving you these big portions because everyone got so used to that they're eating just a ton of garbage now have you ever been to Maggiano's no I have

not it's in the old country it's not it's right here in America what and they said they're fame they famously have absurd portion sizes to where they're bringing like it's basically like a trash can lid with food on it right like here you go here's too much food you're like Heathcliff right you just want to like toss around some fish bones from a trash can here you go you piece of shit you fat piece of shit I think if you go out to eat you probably if you go with a partner you could I think you could probably survive just eating buying one thing and splitting it like a business partner yeah because it's awkward we're having like a really good business but now we're splitting food sure that's not gonna get in the way of our business have you ever done this before

I hate that question I because anytime a waiter says have you ever dined with us before I get it I know what dining out is usually what they have to quote explain unquote is a variation on small plates yeah all they want to talk about a small plate here's what I like to say the real question is have you ever dined with me before she should do a roar shock on them every time that you and Janie have dinner at home and you're not dining with you you're dining with me you should say to her have you ever dined with us before as you sat down the meal have I ever dined with you before is this your card oh I want to do that now have I ever dined with you before before the waiter could say it have I ever dined with you before have I ever

dined with you before I get it I understand the concept at one point someone's someone was like because tapas was all the rage for a while here in LA and they would and you would see everyone would liken things to tapas and they would say like it's a lot like tapas where you get a lot of small plates at one point I went to a tapas restaurant they're like have you ever dined with us before and I was like about to say I understand the concept of tapas and they said it's a lot like dim sum I've never heard dim sum likened to tapas yeah yeah yeah anyway waiter stop doing it waiters stop asking if I understand tapas start asking if I understand bottomless famous power bottomless all right let's get to it let's get to our countdown this is number

six on the countdown number six all right number six and this number is a special number as it is one of our mid-century marks this is episode 550 still in the 500s is this a um is this in eames I don't know what that means I don't know what that means it's mid-century oh I understand this is uh we you know we uh for a while we were trying to do some special things on episode 200 was uh jason manzook has been on the special thing the website right remember that um so episode 200 was uh jason manzook is an anti-daily I believe episode 300 we did jason manzook is an anti-daily maybe 400 for 500 uh let's not do that let's not do that entirely different I don't I don't think those guys were available or something but when 550 rolled around

I was like guys let's get the gang back together yeah this is an episode called cheesing out the wave d-hole and uh it actually stands for cheesing out the wave dickhole which oh it actually does which we mentioned um perhaps in this clip um but uh when I read the title I was like what does this mean cheesing out the wave d-hole apparently it's uh we talk about it for a while which is going through a circular wave um as if we were ejaculate sure um so this is jason manzook us and myself as ourselves and we have the inimitable andy daily who returned to the show playing hot dog hot dog is famous water skier of course he's a famous water skier shana na enthusiast wants to join the band he um was the first person to water ski on sausages

that's right um and so uh we talked to him for a while uh I'm gonna play several parts of this episode um like three different parts of it uh and uh this was a really fun one uh uh and this is what you have voted as your number six let's hear it number six well this is huge because and it eclipses everything else I have been inducted into the waterskiing hall of fame congratulations hot dog finally fine and and all so many good things have come from it I mean I love it hard for that for you let's talk about your water skiing just to just to remind uh people who haven't heard you before well the reason I go by hot dog is that I am a hot dog of water skiing you know that's right you water skiing hot it does not have to do with the fact that you were

water skiing upon hot dog no although I did do some of that and what not actually no but you actually were water skiing on I was water skiing on salamis and you know I was the first guy ever and that's one of the things that we talk about it but that's a real hot dog kind of thing to do yeah you're a hot dog yeah I just want everyone to to make sure they know it's not because you were skiing upon hot dogs that's correct it's purely your attitude towards skiing you were hot dogging merely upon salamis that's exactly right and I was hot talking long before I came up with the idea of water skiing on salamis right I've been hot talking for a long time when you finally got to salamis yeah yeah yeah what other food stuffs had you been cheese on well naturally

with baguettes I was gonna say baguettes yeah of course I did I would think red floats thrown in at the ducks I bet it would be soggy for you you come up between the two of you you came up with the pro and the con because that's true it does float but on the other hand right you're right it gets soggy yeah and you don't know that until you try it until you strap yourself onto the baguette right get yourself into the water I would love it if you would hey did you ever try like six foot long party subs oh sure I tried a six foot long party as a matter of fact I did that in association with the sandwich shop down there in redondo oh nice down in redondo beach there's a sandwich shop and I proposed it I pitched it to them and they they uh provided the sandwiches

as it for free for publicity not for free I had to buy it but for publicity but they got publicity and you paid for the sandwiches yeah I had well of course I mean you know it's a sweet deal you negotiated I worked it out with the sandwich shop well at least you haven't given their name now so they're not getting further publicity Brian and Ronaldo oh man Brian and Ronaldo's down in redondo beach and was it two six foot party subs or was it one that you had to break in half it was two six-foot's Brian made one and Ronaldo made the other and is that how they work that's always how they alternate sandwiches they do they go one for one is one better than the other oh well are you when you go into Brian and we're gonna be in trouble Brian and Ronaldo's in redondo beach are you

like hoping for a Ronaldo well you're gonna give me a trouble I can't say but let's just say let's just say if Ronaldo seems busy working on a sandwich you're in good shape you know what I'm saying okay that's what it's time to step up order order them yeah yeah that's when you need to anyway yeah so that was yeah but look that didn't work because the all the ingredients it was immediately obvious as soon as the boat started up lettuce and I started waving to my captain like no no no it ain't gonna work it ain't gonna work with the sandwiches because of lettuce and the tomatoes and all the meats and everything just started flying right out of the out of the sandwich right and where was your captain on land or in the boat the captain was in the boat in the boat but he's

that's a good place for a captain when you ought to be there he ought to be there they're not always but he ought to be there right yeah driving the boat and what did he do when you waved hey we're not ready did he alter his behavior at all this is one of the real problems and I'll tell you this is one of the real problems with water skiing if anybody could crack this they will win a Nobel prize in water skiing because the problem is that the captain by definition has his back turned to his water I'm sorry does the Nobel committee give out a prize in water ski is it a peace prize no it's just Nobel prize just Nobel prize yeah they have not given one out in years oh they haven't no they know they give one out in science they give one out in multiple different disciplines

it's not some of the awards are annual awards and some of them are just sort of as as needed intermittent how many years all of them what's that how many years all of them how long has it been since the Nobel committee gave out a prize in water skiing yeah I I've lost track personally really it's been a it's been a decent decade can you can you name one water skiing Nobel laureate well I don't know for sure but they must have given one to Terry Krakatoa yeah that yeah there must have given one because he was posthumously posthumously because he died yeah you know he passed away yeah so your captain is facing the the water as to not steer the ship into and at this point he's the captain now who's the captain now oh well hey I know you're

referring to that movie about pirates right this is a prize this is a problem facing waterskiers there have been incidents where pirates have taken over the speed boat that is pulling a water skier oh and then the water skier is powerless the water skier is literally powerless that's gotta be exciting though it well then you know like that's a bit of danger to add to a like a day's water skiing yeah I mean and this is one of the reasons you have to be careful of your water skiing down at the Cape of Horn the Horn Cape of Horn the Horn Cape of Africa the Horn Africa yep you know what I'm talking about you said it exactly right did I have to get one Horn Cape of Africa basically like Africa's like drooping balls yeah yeah yeah well you know how

Florida is is America's you know drooping dick and it is Maine is the erection of the United States of America so wait that's what they call it that's what it says on the license plate so Florida is America flaccid and then when it gets hard it goes up the eastern seaboard and becomes Maine just fucking straight into Canada yeah man everybody in Maine is horny and there's a reason yeah and everybody in Florida is riddled with std's that's true we've talked about on this show that movie captain Phillips uh-huh it should it's like half captain Phillips then the other guy comes in goes I'm the captain now oh he should change the title what's that guy's name I don't know captain whatever his name is it should be captain Phillips and captain whatever that guy's

name is sure captain Phillips and then regular guy Phillips uh oh since we're not really changing pov into the captain anyway sometimes captain Phillips comma isn't the captain for the whole movie for the whole movie so don't get your hopes up captain Phillips and former captain Phillips as an audience member help me manage my expectations exactly for what I'm about to like force awakens right okay I never saw the force sleeping never mind in the first place where was the voice of sleep you know it's a very descriptive term but I never saw it actually happen yeah like I like Avengers infinity war because it's like the Avengers are in it yeah and they're gonna fight the infinity war although I would have appreciated if it said Avengers fight the infinity war

well I figured it out oh see I think that oh I think you misunderstood it I think the Avengers infinity war is the Avengers are fighting a war that will last forever so you expected to go and watch this movie till the end of your life well I think it would still be going on I feel like the movie that comes up subsequently is just gonna be another installment of this war so you had you had made your peace with your family your friends going into this movie you expected to die until I was like I was like I need to see where this is going yes I got my affairs in order I wondered where you had been for the past month or so and executed a will I wouldn't mind seeing a prequel by the way where the force is asleep I wouldn't mind to see that let's just watch that one oh yeah

like where someone is putting the force to bed yeah like reading it go the fuck to sleep reading a story and then everybody's got to be quiet yeah the force is sleeping force is sleeping please you're gonna wake the force don't wake up the force please don't wake up the force I spent a half hour trying to put the force down the force is so cranky yeah man so hot dog what happened what to the captain oh yeah he was he was staring ahead and you were you were on the sandwich oh no I'm just saying it's a general problem with waterski that the captain can't see and so a lot of times you try to fly down the captain say wait wait there's a problem I got a problem back here and he can't see you right and it's just maybe he'll turn around and look at a good waterski

and captain will turn around and look at me once in a while but he has to also keep his eyes out ahead of him what why can't this be a two-person job well sometimes it is and sometimes you have a spotter that's true but now spotter for the driving or spotter for the waterski but if you you know a serious operation and if you're in championship competition or something like that of course you're gonna have a spotter a spotter but if you're just out there uh pleasure cruising or something like that you know you maybe can't afford the 20 bucks to give the spotter because I think the spotter should be for the driving so the captain is driving the boat but turning his head around to look at the waterski and the spotter is looking out ahead and says hey hey

hey you're about to hit something because it's much more likely it's much more likely that the spotter won't have very much to see in the open ocean in front of you but you as the captain are directly affecting the person behind you give the spotter way more to do well hey you're gonna hit this thing you're hit otherwise you're paying a guy to basically like hang on and on the 10 chance he's gonna see something wrong with the waterski here's what I'm shocked by okay I'm shocked that we don't yet have waterskis that don't need a boat to pull them what are you talking about like yeah jet waterskis self-propelled waterskis yes like jet skis I guess is what you're is that what you're pitching basically why haven't we been able to boil a jet ski down into just into two sticks two

sticks that you run your feet you might just do one yourself a Nobel Prize in waterski I mean like that idea that first one changes the game at this point in history we should have that we have electric skateboards yes drive themselves we have electric self-driving self-driving cars you're telling me we can't put a fucking motor in the couple of a couple of six foot subs yeah well I mean I can tell you that on a rudimentary level things like this have been tried oh yeah people have tried to sort of you know jerry rigs and motors is there something like that you know the every time you go to the aerospace museum there's that every time you know what is that what do you mean there's that five minute clip montage of all the of all the people trying their

airplanes how often are you going to the aerospace museum again you know I mean it's fun every weekend out there to DC you know they have that clip montage of the guy of the guy flapping mechanical wings all the times people tried to fly and they were like do you had a bad idea is there something like that with waterskis well there's only one video clip and you got to know a guy if you want to see it and it's uh because it's that guy bill youtube it's pretty well no bill wouldn't touch it his brother has it though what what happened on the randy youtube randy youtube has got this one and it's on and it's on the randy web youtube friend and this is by the way the randy web i looked it up it is not what you think oh really it is pretty randy stuff well this is one

clip that you can see and i've i've seen it and i wish i could unsee it but it is what happened it's a clip of a guy who did try to put a couple of motors onto waterskis for this very reason backfired and the reason in his case was that he had got into a real fight with his captain uh what about does it is that included on the tape oh well the captain the captain slept with all three of this guy's why oh this guy was a polygamist no no no it was one at a time oh he's on his third marriage and he finds out this guy slept with this one too so they had a throw down wow and he said and and you know by that point this guy was an asshole i'm gonna tell you but so a lot of people didn't want to put didn't want to be his captain he said

i don't need a captain at all right and so he tried to put mode and he went directly into the water whoa these things propelled him deep into the water wow so they were they sinking or they were just literally like i think he must have um just direction them wrong or something like that instead of like so they carried him directly to the horizontal perpendicular of course he imagined he was gonna be going over the water right you can picture when he had in mind when one imagines waterski yeah yeah that's the first thought yeah yeah yeah but if i guess i don't know he just angled him wrong and they they sent him straight into the water just yeah yeah all the way down down to the ocean's floor right down is it david jones locker and this was he was doing this right over

the marianas trench do you know the marianas sure of course so this was uh as far as we know he is still he's still headed down there he's still traveling down there wow yeah because it's so deep as you know i work at car rental counter over there it's bourbon airport that is right yeah yeah what did we we've talked about it before what uh what exactly happens what happens yeah it seemed like there was some sort of detail about the way you interacted with customers or oh i don't know except i'm always i can never sell anybody the supplemental insurance all right that's my main problem but i was working at the budget and funny thing happened i walked i went to work one day and it was i was halfway through my work day before i realized that i was at hurts and it was

just i had made no one had cared nobody cared and so now i'm at hurts but anyway since i'm at hurts now i'm i'm in their system i'm in their database and you're not gonna fucking believe this you're jacked in huh screaming scott from shanana from shanana rented a car through hurt he never went to budget he started he's but he is a longtime hurts guy he's got the he's got the rewards card he has a hurts credit card he's always getting points right anyway so because of hurts points he's getting hurts points all the time now because of that i have his email address wow i got screaming scott's email address and i'm like i'm not gonna use it until i have just the right reason to use it you know i don't want to okay yeah like smart like i'm very smart because i can imagine the

minute you got it you could have been like hey screaming scott and i wanted to you know i wanted to oh okay and i have i have literally like 10 000 emails to scream it's got in my draft folder but anyway finally what i got literally 10 there's literally yeah i said i have been alerted to but that i it's too much and i need to clean it up by whom by google i got a call from tom apple myself tom apple called me i believe you and i had to give my password and everything anyway smart family pet name did he ask you to put yourself on tape yeah tom apple yeah and send him a urine sample i had to send him everything in my dna everything yeah but anyway so that problems resolved but you could just spit into a cup i don't know why what's that for the dna

anyway go on i gotta give him a quart of blood when i got into the waterski hall of fame i saw an opportunity and i realized if i could get myself into that hall of fame i can get shana not into the rock and roll hall of fame which i know is something they want they have not they have not even nominated or to the best of my knowledge they have not by the way i think the whole hall of fame system is such an asshole move to like oh we're gonna nominate 10 bands this year but only six are going to get in i'll tell you one thing about the rock and roll hall of fame no other award show has anywhere near that amount of complaining about people who didn't get in i know it is constant for a for an organization that is ostensibly pointless yes and will allow almost

anyone to regardless of their connection to quote unquote rock and roll exactly and yet shana not is not in it i mean does that make any sense i mean number one interpreters of classic rock and roll in the united states i guess that you could say that they should belong in a rock and roll interpreters hall of fame because they're not they're not actually pioneers of rock and roll shana has a song called the rock and roll hall of fame we should probably listen to it don't you think sure let's play by the way i want to do a new new podcast called are you bring it are you shana not in to me are you me please don't that's that's my idea for a new podcast and i might do a pilot but anyways i so i used screaming scott's email address and i email screaming scott and

i pitched him i said you know what let me be the guy that gets you guys into the rock and roll hall of fame and that is now my job and he said you can do that go go go for it whoa and he said go wait was there anything else in this email yeah he he replied to you he replied to me did you tell him you were hot dog no i didn't tell him what did you what did you just use hd i signed off under a totally different name which name was i signed off under the name kill bossa well now yeah smart right smart so and he said yeah do it and i said if i do it can i be in the group and i have he has not replied but this sounds like it was just recently how long ago was that that was like 18 months ago oh yeah yeah yeah oh i'm so i'm sure it's imminent is you know this guy i mean these

guys are so if you look at their tour schedule just replying to the other members of shana no must take up half the day no kidding about that no kidding about that there how many people are in shana no five or six but anyways uh and is it all original members at this point no no no no no they got they got some new guys in there they lost some guys there is bowser still in there bowser hasn't been in the group for a long time bowser bowman john bowser bowman host of the host of the hollywood squares was it back in the when he was the hollywood squares game uh match game hour oh he hosted he hosted one of those yeah he either hosted the match game or he hosted the hollywood square i think i think it was as bowser as bowser i think no as john bowser bowman he was

the center square uh in hollywood squares and then he was the host of match game i think yeah well he now he's very politically involved and as somebody pointed out he has never once uh back to candidate that won uh not even one time but uh not even one time apparently not like bigoted dukakis he's yeah you're mondale he was all in for mondale but uh all in and when i say that i mean my fist in my mouth oh yeah he put his whole fist so now that's my job i am crusading to get the shana now into the rock and roll hall of fame how are you gonna do this okay it involves your listeners writing in letters these listeners are the listeners of shana now well the listeners of shana now are presumably already on the case and i but it involves uh you all of your listeners

you need to write a letter to the rock and roll hall of fame i actually i wonder i wonder if we i wonder because so many people listen to this show yeah uh uh that i think if we all for fun tried to get shana now into the rock and roll hall of fame i wonder what that would do we gotta do like we need a little more we need to make it one step easier for people i feel like okay yeah well there's gotta be an online voting that's what i'm saying i know that we need to be giving people a thing that they can just do there there is online voting and i know i know that that's part of it every year now so i guess rock and roll hall of fame has an online voting yeah we could also petition the white house but i know i know that they can do it i think it would be fun for in the name of

hot dog i wonder yeah to get shana to get shana now into the rock and roll hall if they'll put banjovi in there i mean this is what i'm saying you know i mean when banjovi came out it was like oh this is like you know you know this is like cut rate boston banjovi had a whole long speech about how ridiculously long it took to get him into the rock and roll he is he is bitter he john banjovi has been like vocally bitter that they have not gotten in yet because yeah and it's all because he thinks he he says rather that he that yon winner doesn't like him that the whole thing is personal beef between yon winner uh rolling stone founder and banjovi well that's good information shana now needs to butter up yon winner oh yeah so the other the other way you can come at this is just

everybody tweet yon winner yeah what about shana now yon you think what about yon nana hey there's like a yon winner wanted to join shana now would you be upset and call it yon nana if you would you be upset if shana now let yon winner in just to get into the rock and roll hall of fame and change their name to yon nana i mean i wouldn't love that i wouldn't love it but i would like it because if they get into the rock and roll hall of fame no matter how i think i think i'm in the band yeah do you want shana now to be happy or do you want to be in the band which of those two i have a difference is it make the other thing we could try and do is see if we can get nasha sha in the rock and roll that's gonna be impossible that's gonna be hard

nasha sha we have not recorded an album yet the tribute band we have to wait 25 years a tribute band shana now tribute band getting into the rock and roll hall of fame before oh i see the tribute band hall of fame the tribute should be a tribute band hall there should be the electric punks you might have just won the Nobel prize in hall of fame's um can can i ask is every other band or artist that played at woodstock alongside shana now are they in the rock and roll hall of fame oh that's a good i doubt it that's a great argument i'm sure there are bands that played that are not in the rock ten years after are they in the rock and roll hold turtles is richie havens in the rock and roll hall of fame i bet i could see richie havens being in i don't know about the turtles

gotta put him in the turtles did the turtles play was that yeah jefferson airplay i gotta say shon adi shon adi's not in the rock shana now is not even part of the conversation anymore like if you look at the the list of people like you know they're all the way up to depeche mode now and people like that like well it's the 50th well there's no 25 years 25 years from your first record but i there's no there's no limit of like hey if it's 50 years you're out like if you haven't done it in 50 years oh yeah well Nina Simone just got in right but next next year they put Nina Simone and they haven't put in shon adi yeah that's an outrage yes exactly but next year is the year because of 2019 i think it should be the 50th anniversary 50th anniversary it's the mission

of everyone who listens to this yeah that's what i'll say here's what i'll say all right all right because we just had the rock and roll of fame a month ago right yes next year is the 50th anniversary of shon adi they induct you they induct you're saying everything that i've just they inducted like six they inducted six people a month ago next year they should only induct shon adi and just make it a shon adi blow out that would be would that be amazing and the end jam session is just shon adi just shon adi doing no instruments on stage no just acapella shon adi doop i mean let's make that happen audience of comedy bang bang there is no group that deserves to be in the rock and roll hall of fame more than shon adi because shon adi is a rock and roll hall of fame

like they like they they popularized the music to a degree that there even would have caused for a hall of fame yes well i guess 10 years after no one was singing doop anymore they did come around the band 10 years after i'm looking on the rock and roll hall of fame website for a place to vote in i can't find it i think maybe what happens is uh there's a certain point when it's unveiled but what i would say is sharp-eared listeners out there they will know how to do this um so i will tweet out a link or something of instructions of how to do this we don't know how to do it now we're gonna do and to do it for 2019 the 50th anniversary this would be amazing it'll be our 10th anniversary as well for a comedy bang bang i mean what better present to me yeah yeah than to here's what i'm

willing to say i'm willing to say you're only willing to say i'm willing to say this okay i'm and i'm going to say this as a product i would say everything that you say you are willing to say if we get i am willing to say what i'm about to say okay if we get shon adi in the rock and roll hall of fame yeah they will be on this show they will be on this show and you you won't be no we'll get to meet them no what what i'm saying is oh i thought meet them sure but we will we will force them to to have give you another audition yes i'm not saying that that's all i want that's all i want is one more shot i'm not saying if we get them into the rock and roll hall of fame that you are in the group i'm saying that they will well yes our list if our list the transaction

is if our listeners get them into the hall of fame then you they have to give you a shot a fair shot too because i don't imagine you've auditioned well although i mean guys i mean what's green with scott has agreed to by not responding to my email is that i will be in the band if i did not agree i think you should walk that back a little bit yeah what i'm saying you're going to be disappointed every time that you've auditioned previously they've remembered you from the previous times oh i think it took 10 or 12 times for them to start to remember me but sure what i'm saying is they're aware of me clean slate we got a clean slate it they have to forget everything they've ever known about what a nuisance you are well and they have to give you

a fair shot we never talked about this when you die you want to be turned into hot dogs and force fed to humans well i didn't know i mean look yeah we've talked about this on previous shows i know not during the break force fed or just or just bad like just as used as nourishment well things have changed like i am going to be turned into hot dogs when i die approximately 29 i remember you were saying roughly 27 29 hot dogs and does that fluctuate with your weight uh yeah yeah yeah and i have to go update my will only way it fluctuates yeah yeah and every time i lose if i lose like about five pounds i'll go to my lawyer and i'll update my will because you know can i ask you a question yeah are you gonna do just a plain uh a plain casing and then just your body your just

your body meat in there are you gonna like put some are you gonna bring it to brian and rinaldo and have them maybe bring it to brian and have him put some like apple or some cheese or some smoked something in there like really spice it up into a nice sandwich kind of hot dog i really just want myself to be the only ingredient was my sort of plan by the way august lin was going to do this for you right oh yeah that's right i was going to take care for for me out there in germany because he's a sort of food science man and uh i think he primarily he's the guy who likes to chop people up yeah food science like he said food science like molecular gastronomy right like yeah you know turning hot dog into hot dog meat and yeah well he's a molecular level he's a salt

inspector you know and so that's that's that that that impresses me yeah but anyway uh yeah he i'm gonna be get turned into a number of hot dogs and then at first i was gonna be fed to my ex-wife that was my plan force fed well or fed uh you know she offered and then yeah tricked yeah okay offered first then tricked uh yeah that's right that's right i think i don't think the i think the offer is a trick uh i don't think right right right you're skipping right that's what i'm gonna say but if for some reason i can't imagine you would first say do you want a hot dog made out of your ex-husband's body i think that's the only polite and then if she says no thank you then you then you trick then you do an elaborate ruse to get by the way jason just mined a circle as if he's walking

out with the hot dog on a tray into another room and then coming right back into the room saying i have a different hot dog from the first offer from the first offer she's gonna be really she her her she's gonna have her antenna up yeah for for hot dogs of any kind well but then i then you may recall there was a period of time where i was my plan was to have those hot dogs served to the members of shana now because i was real mad at those guys at that time right i have since i've taken that right out of my will that is no longer in my will but i just updated it because you might have heard you know mid romney you remember mid romney romney from the uh the presidential race i think um i think bowser might have backed him bowser might have backed mid romney but mid romney

recently was asked who's your favorite water skier and he said hot dog and i was thrilled with that and then he i don't know that that was the what was i think that's what i read no the question that was asked of him what was the question i uh i believe someone was asking him what his favorite meat was oh and he said he said hot dog my favorite he said my favorite meat is hot dog oh i thought that he had said the hot dog was his favorite water skier no it doesn't matter it works either way because when i heard that i thought well i should be served to him you know what i mean if somebody because i don't hear that very often somebody says their favorite compliment it's a big compliment also it was very weird that mid romney said hot dog singularly he said my favorite meat is hot dog

well now i've heard that's a quote my favorite meat is hot dog and then he also said my second favorite meat is hamburger but i like hot dog the best oh no what yeah so i could see why you were confused because a human being does not talk like that about the food and yet i would so much rather prefer him to be my president than hillary i get it um but uh but so i can see why you're confused does this show exist in a in a universe where hillary is president i just i can see why you're confused because when one mentions hot dog singular it's usually about you that's right yeah so i was a little confused well anyway but i just updated my will to have you're now going to be served in mid romney i'll be served in mid romney once do you have it in your will who will serve

you to mid romney is is like they're it does your for example does the captain of your boat take your hot dogs and serve them to like is is there a person a spotter yeah is there a person in charge of the spotter mortage or is yeah john bowser bowman uh it's i well what i have said over brian and rinaldo is down there and redondo they've got a girl who uh you know she'll bring the food to your to your table but i've always said waitress they've got a girl who does that they've got a girl bring the food to the table yeah but i don't know if she's really because you pay for it at the register i don't know if she's waitress anyway okay so she okay but my whole thing was guys you got to do a thing i you got to i got to be able to order from my car and she should come out on

roller skates because i'm a big fan of roller skating waitresses right and so anyway that's how i imagine mid romney being served my hot dogs by a girl or because there'll be a lot of hot dogs maybe a couple of girls this particular girl from brian and rinaldo's yeah but she was i mean i'm like this girl uh i'm fascinated with her yeah yeah her name is gene oh and uh yeah she's she's she's really sweet she's good yeah she's good kid anyway i'd like to see her in a tiny tiny tiny little skirt on a pair of roller skates uh serving me serving you'd like to see her i'd like to see that serving you so wait how are you gonna see that though like from from the great beyond or we know we're not sentient when we're dead and you know also are your eyes part of the hot dogs

do they get ground down into the body meat yeah the eyeballs is involved yeah you don't know that you don't know that eyeballs are part of hot dogs i didn't know that there's a lot of eyes because part of me wonders like would you want your eyes to be left there is no eye in hot dog yeah would you want your eyes to be left outside so they can watch what's happening you know oh i see what you're talking about so like yeah just pluck the eyeballs out yeah and just arrange them on a tray yeah well but here is have a different girl on roller skates like you know skating around with your eyeballs looking at i like that idea a lot but you're inspiring me to think of another a different idea which may feels like i know it would work which is if if right now i donated a part of

myself to become a hot dog okay and like i got to watch janine serve that to me Rodney and then lead over to him and say hey you know what you're eating and which part i have one one question and one question only okay and i believe it's part of your body are you gonna make it into one hot dog well i wouldn't have to fit neatly in a bun yeah you know sure sure yeah but other than that i have no you're gonna slice off your penis and mail it to janine in the in a bun in the hopes that she gives it to mitt romney yeah this i mean this is a new plan but i like it she just i'd cut off first of all you have to get mitt romney into brian and rinaldo's or in his car out front sure even though they don't have roller skating waitresses there not yet all i gotta do

is get janine a pair of roller skates and a real tiny tiny little skirt and you need to wait you're gonna send all of this in a box a pair of roller skates a tiny skirt and your penis in a hot dog and then are you gonna cook it or is this a job for august lint august lint and we'll probably smoke it you know obviously you want to be turned into hot dogs and consumed why not do it in a way that is at one of these celebrations where you are mixed in amongst the hot dogs in a hot dog eating contest oh well that's not a bad idea too i mean there's a lot of different ways to accomplish this i mean but because once i have served my penis to mitt romney i think i think at that point that itch will have been scratched in terms of like having somebody eat by the way you're never

going to be able to scratch that itch down there once that's gone it'll be gone i think it's you're going to have phantom memory of that i think if you can get that done yeah we can get shanana in the wrong no look if you can get that done anything's possible we have a lot of big goals big goals are coming out of these goals for 2019 yeah number six oh there we go yes number six cheesing out the wave d-hole cheesing out the wave so towards the end there we made a solemn vow that we were going to get shanana into the rock and roll hall of fame this year a listener even started a petition it might have been a government petition to the white house i'm not sure for shanana to be inducted into the rock and roll hall of fame i signed it i think um i will say the other day

the inductees into the rock and roll hall of fame class of 2019 were announced and radio head was there and the cure was there and guess who was not there was shanana bob dillon he was inducted so long ago he's like he wasn't there he wasn't there but he's already in yeah so i'm answering the question you asked granted he was not inducted as a member of the traveling wilburies okay but you know i'm i'm answering the question that you asked so when do they get so so desperate for rock and roll royalty that they're like traveling wilburies you're in you're in you're in got in there you're in the concept of you're in could you if you were in like depeche mode and you've wanted to get into the rock and roll hall of fame for so long and

then they announce you they're like we only have two inductees this year depeche mode and the concept of urine by the way we're shutting down after this ceremony so the concept of urine gets in first and then depeche mode the very last people closed for business well i was sorry to hear about shanana uh not getting in um that was uh that was a fun episode inspired i believe simply by mitt romney saying that his favorite meat was hotdog or like approximately two weeks earlier that's right i was like andy let's get into the studio your country needs you all right let's take a break um when we come back we are going to be listening to number five we're getting so high in this even believe it we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this

this holiday season ear wolf wants to spread some cheer that's right cheer wolf if you will we've got special episodes all over the network just for you who do we got we got andrew t and tony knew some talk to kulop v lisok about holiday racism that's fun on yo is this racist on unspooled take a deep dive into afi's favorite christmas movie it's a wonderful life off book has not one not two but three holiday themed musicals for you to indulge in surprise all the special holiday episodes with special guests are out from behind the paywall as a gift to you you can also check out a very special improv for humans episode best of the bible on my other show are you talking remy the scott's me and adam scott talk about every rem holiday single released and of course

nothing else shon and haze hit the slopes with adam palli on a very festive episode of hollywood handbook on beautiful anonymous chris gethard is taking calls for new year's resolutions from you tune in on ear wolf's facebook page marissa and lister get a special listener call in with a heartfelt proposal on wamp it up followed by the christmas wamtacular released from behind the paywall and if that's not enough check out even more special holiday apps from how did this get made getting curious who charted and freedom happy holidays happy listening and a merry cheer wolf to all comedy bang bang back here bang here with paul f tompkins hello here we are counting down your top 14 episodes of the year and we're so high in this countdown right now you are hearing the

crown jewels as far as i'm concerned of comedy bang bang you are in these episodes the crown jewels you're hearing the family jewels of comedy bang bang you're hearing run the jewels right now you're not listening to us you're hearing jewel famously found in a van she was found in a van found dead in a van then she came back to life she died as she lived in a van now by the river do you think she was ripping off chris farley jewel was ripping off chris farley now it can be told i've always said she is the new chris farley jewel you know it's i never made that connection before you've been saying that for a long time oh chris farley by the way the anniversary of his passing 20 was it 20 yeah i believe the 20th year uh just happened congratulations uh boy i

don't know why i brought that up much like uh in the color of brian episode he didn't know why i kept bringing up uh people who had passed away well i don't know it's a verbal tick with me yeah he could have let it go though yeah that's true you know i mean that's true that's true it's true look the older you get the more you talk about death so what is it about and i know this it's just a cliche but but uh and your parents are no longer with us of course so you you touch would you think they might come back to life i don't know if people came back to life and i'm not talking about zombies where they're mindless no just people start crawling out of the grave yes would you be hey they do but they do crawl out of the grave they crawl themselves out of the grave but they're

senty and they're like hey i'm back would it be nice to see people no it wouldn't it wouldn't right especially if you've moved on we've achieved finality i mean yeah maybe if the wound is still fresh you'd be like whoa if you're if you're in i thought i lost you if you're up to dabbed before you get to dab yeah then we talked about denial anger anger bargaining death death yourself no what's the second d digression destiny's child never going to get it never going to get it oh that's bargaining dab dab denial depression depression really depression i think so is the depression let me look up dabda we will see engineer sam is uh who can get to dabda first dabda the race is on i looked up danda instead oh what's that stand for denial well danda in new get scripts the danda

is a punctuation character which is a sort of glyph it's a real punctuation character all right dabda here we go we got denial anger bargaining depression you're right so just depression yeah that's a terrible part of it it makes sense though that that would come right before acceptance i guess because at first you're like no no no no no no not happening then fuck why did this happen and then look if this doesn't happen i'll make you a deal look god i'll eat all my vegetables if you'll bring your mom back and then fuck what was i tried to bargain with god for and then at the end you're like oh okay that's so the the the hey your husband died the transition from depression into acceptance it seems like depression is the low i guess this is like classic movie structure though

you know like right before the third act where everything is resolved is when everything is the lowest it is clam most true um but how uh uh hope classic movie structure hopefully of course yes i knew what you're talking about hopefully if you're out there experiencing dabda right now you're getting to that uh hey are you in the middle of dabda right now if you are hope you're gonna hang in there and get all the way to uh why weren't we talking about any of this talking about uh oh yeah parents what they just don't understand that's what i'm going to say yes no but why is it that all the anytime you catch up with them all they can talk about is who's sick who died it's fun that's what look they're retired it's like a gossip column this yeah

oh you'll never who's died that's how i want to deliver that news from now on you will never guess who's died yeah oh my god did you hear who died did you hear who died oh who died he didn't die in prison nope he was released um the specials sang about it and the specials sang about dabda no dabda no they sang about freeing nelson mondayla freeing nelson mondayla would it have killed them to make a song about dabda what it is it uh distracting if i leave yeah i think so you gotta get up near that mic i can project these are not directional my hey wouldn't have killed the specials to sing a song about dabda come on back come on back come on back here we go all right paul we gotta get to it this is your number five number five all right

number five just ought to be good four weeks later episode 554 a double fortnight if you can believe it a double fortnight are you playing fortnight by the way i've never played it is it i don't know anything about it all i know is everyone plays it and someone does a dance everyone plays it there are dances these are little uh uh emotions is it a game it's a game but then if you do something you can a lot of games have this where you can i forget what i god damn it just came up the other day there's a thing that you do that you can do after like a little victory move or celebratory move or something yes and one of them is the the carlton the carlton from the uh fresh prince of bel-air that's right but as they have parents not understanding as

dave holmes pointed out on twitter and caught a lot of heat for it but he's not wrong it was started that that move absolutely was created by belinda carlyle oh the mad about you of course yeah yeah and she track yeah exactly she she did it when uh i went to see her uh jimmy parto and i went to see her recently wouldn't she do it of course she's gonna do it she's creating a carlton god damn carlyle of course she's gonna do the carlton then it was stolen by bruce springsteen dancing in the dark well i i must say that modified belinda that was first dancing the dark was first in belinda yeah really that's just how everyone danced back then though i danced like that when i was in junior high did you really yeah that's like the only like because it feels stupid to like dance

funky you know when it's the 80s and you're in june are you saying funky funky funky get in my belly get in my belly funky all right this is episode 554 this is an episode called edukainment squad and uh i have to say this is one of my favorite episodes that i did this year either i'm gonna say i have to say i don't like this one not my cup of tea number five weird no this was uh i had a ball do in this one this is uh with thomas middleditch and haratio sands and uh i'll tell you what happened on this episode uh of course if you're listening to this i've talked about this many years previous uh we don't know what's gonna happen on this show a lot of

times true uh it it will go it runs the gamut from people coming in and bringing something that they want to talk about but i i have no idea where we're gonna go to people themselves not even knowing what they're gonna do and um thomas and haratio are two people who usually don't know what they're gonna do and put no thought into it but um great to finally get them together this one was really fun because um thomas and you'll hear it in the clip uh i start talking to him as lial comings he just had a name lial comings and he is a southern sherbet salesman um and he tells us about that before he i we kind of like run out of things to talk about in terms of sherbet or it gets too crazy i can't recall so he's like well that was my i haven't always been that i've

had other jobs um and so we talk about his first job which was he was hired to choke out middle schoolers he just threw that out there and i said well what do you mean by that why are they hiring you to do this and he explained that it was so popular with teenagers to try to asphyxiate each other that they realized they needed to hire an adult to do it safely at the schools okay so that's the backstory you need to know um but he starts to i i start saying like why did they hire you and he says well you have to call our superintendent to find out and he just threw that out there and luckily we had uh the working telephone right uh apparatus in the studio which does not always work sometimes i've tried was that so i've tried to get it hooked up several times before and after

and it's a crapshoot as to whether it's gonna work so a lot of times when someone's doing a phone call they'll try to do it like this and they'll cover the mic and they'll be like hey how you doing i'm ron chester from ron chester new york i'll admit i've done that and uh i'm not too proud to admit i've done that you're very proud though i'm very prideful and it goes before a truly does i'm hoping to see that fall today i hope this episode i hope the seven guy kills me pride style so normally people just cover the mic or whatever but we had the working phone hooked up to the board and heratio i i think you'll hear it in this clip uh thomas aslyle comings says well you got to call the superintendent and we're like uh yeah and i'm like gesturing over

to get the phone and i can't remember if it was you sam if you were there you were there sam is nodding his ass sam was there and um sam you either hooked it up or or however it was already hooked up i'm not really sure don't get on like and um and uh but it was thankfully we handed it over to heratio and heratio just ran with it and created uh this character of peppers megili um so let's listen to this truly insane episode called education squad this is your number five number five what is the purpose of having you there if you don't have medical equipment if you're not undergoing any kind of safety you're gonna have to call the superintendent should i i got his number you're still doing it uh yeah i know no i only did it for a couple years i'm telling you

that stuff sticks with you okay let's uh let's call him here we go what's his name uh uh pet penis i'm just joking what is your joking okay good no i was gonna say his name was something weird like that pepper oh peppers megili peppers megili hey let's call him can we get peppers on the line here we go you have his number great okay you're putting in peppers megili his superintendent and i believe i don't know if he still is but 8889 he certainly was and this was his power we'll just call the school these kids we're calling the school right now and uh hello hi hey hello this peppers peppers megili do you remember my voice the slyle comings how are you hey buddy i was uh uh out you know i strangled the teens oh man this is a great it's nice to hear your voice again pleasure

to hear your voice too oh heck we were just talking the other day i was over there at barnum's and uh they were saying where where did that guy go and i was like well i don't you probably choking kids out in some other town over there no i got out of that game years ago i'm selling sherbert now oh good for you good for you out of a truck or something out of a truck anyhow i got this peppers radio host hi scott augerman here from comedy bang bang look at there how are you scott i'm good you ever seen my television show oh yeah i've seen it i i look i look past it and uh and some of it makes me real real happy okay well great um i'm sorry about the other parts oh you know i got children and a wife i can't just sit in front of the

television set all day like some people okay well peppers can i ask you some questions about this uh choking kids out in oh yeah it became a real big problem in the 90s i know it always got yeah it got worse i left worse i left after 89 when you left yeah i it was getting too bad i said i said paper you remember i went to your office i can't handle this no and the thing too the guys we hired they're kind of like just starting to choke people out that weren't even asking for it so i mean to start becoming epidemic on their end also so the people you brought in to fix the problem were the a bigger problem than the original problem affirmative you know you know how you go to war you come back you're changed man i that's what i've heard yeah that's i mean a lot of these guys

that went into the choking teens program the s s tp the s tp the ctp i mean oh the ctc the ct choking teens program you come out and you can't stop choking oh really so you didn't stop choking i've been i've been choke-free for only about six years so i went okay a long time that's a long long time yeah we're petitioning the county now to build a memorial wall for all the chokers and that the board of education hired so we're gonna have a big wall chokers not the people who who died you're just they're gonna have they're gonna have their own thing but this is more this is more focuses on the epidemic of young men that we're working for the board of education and for us to choke people out okay so you're putting up a memorial wall that's for the people you

hired to choke these teens and it's gonna be and we're starting and we're petitioning the county now we're starting to do some fundraising and uh and i'd love you to come in oh bless your peppers bless you that is so it warms my heart you know it's such an under uh discussed thing that's going on in our country what a great way to put it i'm gonna discuss the sherbert thing doesn't work out you know you always got a job back yeah i don't know if i could maybe you could come back and do a like is would there be a ribbon cutting around this or something an alumni i mean i'd love to yeah i'd like to put you in front of the kids and just have you do in the family hall and performance or peppers can i ask how did you get how did you get this job you sound very unqualified to

shepherd young children here's super tanning them super tan of education super tan and ever since the eighties i've been here for a long time well i'm uh i know i don't sound it but i'm uh i'm 94 years old yeah and uh 94 years young i like to say how do you keep your voice from sounding that old uh i'm all i'm constantly doing vocal warm-ups i put moisturizer on a rubber dilly and i just tickle my tonsils with that just keep everything moist yep he's a big gravy guy i don't remember you being it really uh into gravy and i i i have no uh scientific evidence you're either in the graveyard ranch for graveyard ranch everybody gonna be one or the other there's the old saying where we come from if you're if you're not knee deep in gravy your ass is somewhere

i don't know i think if you eat too much gravy you're gonna you know add an a r d to the end of gravy and wind up there oh boy grave graver graveyard oh you're gonna wind up at the graveyard because it clogs the arteries oh god but i don't know you're 94 years young mom i had to cut back on my escorts for sure on your what your escorts on my escorts every weekend mom my wife and i would allow me to have sex with an escort every weekend young but also the dangerous game yeah i can i mean 52 different escorts i couldn't feel my my left foot for a while because all the sea alice i was pumping through my heart wow but uh we got her done well why do it if you why do it if you need sea alice to do it it doesn't seem like it would be that fun for you if you

if you're not excited by the whole uh it's not an excitement issue scott uh you can still get her out then your peter don't work okay come in the sea alice some men have uh difficulties making their brain connect with their danger okay that's not you though oh i actually have what is known as permanent erection syndrome oh so you have p e s p you have p e s is that still got that i do and a lot of a lot of guys say so but wow what the heck's wrong with that that sounds fantastic you could just do about just about anything that's the one that's the one the only complaint we got from parents was when he was strangling our kids and he had the only complaint because they assumed that that was causing it look i wish i could put that thing away and i

god has please put it away by the way god has it's out me with a real meaty package oh my gosh you could say they're thick trousers denim i'm like no no yeah i have to hide it i wore hammer loot double cargo pant dickies and you could still see you could still that's that's too bad so how does it affect your life then well well a lot of people think i'm just ready to go when i'm just trying to order a burger yeah i still have my badge i still have my you have what badge do you have or what were you issued i was issued a standard issue making county jorda georgia uh educationment educationment so that's like educating with entertainment that's right it's a term we came up with here that i like i fostered in a few sheriffs of

entertainment yeah sure so so so you were issued a badge why didn't peppers why did you collect his badge you weren't issued a service weapon either were you i i'd yeah yeah i had about i had two revolvers i was trained in a kimbo technique a kimbo technique i was trained in a dual pistol so that's where you're using both at the same time i was trained to use both of the same time okay and you were issued two service revolvers and a badge you didn't have sorry yes scott do you think that somehow we didn't for some reason didn't strangle these kids in front of a live audience i guess i i guess i thought you were doing it off to the side oh okay no no we a live audience not of kids at lunch time we corralled them into the gym we had an outfit

from los angeles that kind of helped us stream so an audience coordinator yeah now you got to understand this was early late 80s early 90s so streaming you were getting that little printout dot matrix sure it was printout after printout but you would you would clearly be able to see an adult strangling a team okay and uh we made beta videos and they're all videos to what end were you selling these or yeah we're selling them to raise money for uh to raise this wall to stop all i want the memorial wall for you wait for stranglers so wait you are hiring stranglers to pay for a wall to memorialize the stranglers that you've hired the snake was eating its tail there's no doubt scott you you gotta understand what's the bureaucracy in any township you're gonna find

in any county you have to deal with a lot of it yeah you have to understand when i came in to the to the scene to these shorts of these teens you have to understand that there was about four to five teens dying so between day between four and five between four to five teens we had to start bringing teens from other counties just to fill up the seats in the school to plump the numbers now they were dying every day from self strangulation unsupervised unsupervised strangulation that's why we brought in the task force the the ctp the ctp okay and that's why i got my badge that's why i was trained in dual pistols akimbo technique akimbo technique right where are the others trained in the similar technique or everyone specialized okay so it was like the dirty dozen

where a couple there was one fellow who specialized in katana okay someone else had ninja stars it's true like you were that one guy could throw a playing card into a watermelon okay so this is like the suicide squad or something i'll just uh just a rag tag group of sellers that weren't really a part of anything in their own world but much like the suicide squad were you putting collars explosive collars around their necks in order to blow up their brains if they didn't comply with your wishes i could i i did have we did put the bomber on one guy and then he went uh robbed the bank and claimed that yeah that was a bad idea we shouldn't have singled him out for no reason it was we did it but we had the lock neck devices that we had on a lot of the fellows

because that was part of the their probation well we everyone was on probation you did any of them were on probation you were on probation at the time yes because i was i was still in and out of jail for all that dick suck and i've been okay so that was before this job okay you have to understand that when when the day when the whistle blew and the ctp had finished their work day we weren't allowed to go home we were all put down you finished your day you're not allowed to go we were all put down in the basement of school okay and while our necks were chained to each other okay in the basement we had housing issues right from the get go okay so peppers you're you're incarcerating these people in a way in every way they're unable to leave

they're they're chained to each other apparently you're at a school that doesn't have bells ringing it has whistles blowing at the end of the day well we had a lot of unwelcome attention from people outside the county that want to participate and become stranglers maybe for not the best reasons i don't think the people who you hired are doing it for the best i'll do it for the kids all the kids so they wouldn't yeah so they wouldn't choke each other out maybe do it in a dangerous way we had supervised trokers and stranglers coming in all these schools yeah i know the premise and we had i guess we had started getting the wrong type of fella wrong type of a fella that was kind of just choking everybody out so we had to have them all chained together you want we'll

we'll drop a name because he's behind bars so we can't do no more harm oh really what's his name tubbit tunkin tubbit tunkin yeah bigfeller and he's behind bars seven foot two hands like grapes just a big guy wait his hands are like grapes his big old you know big grapes are about oh like a bunch okay i was gonna say a big old bunch of behind a plastic bag and big new week okay got it so he's got his hands that are slightly bigger than hands they big old hands and this fella with stomp or and you knew he was coming you knew tubber tubbit was coming right and he he may be yeah he may have been in it for the wrong reasons hashtag wrong reason why is he incarcerated currently i believe it's some related charges incarcerated currently

hashtag or sorry currently we're just dropping hashtags on the show by the way if you want to use any of them while you tweet about the show i'd really appreciate it making education squad i'm not sure that you want to any attention drawn to what you're doing at the school well tubbit are we are you still talking about tubbit yeah we're talking about yeah i'm trying to thank you the reason why he's currently he's still incarcerated peppers he talked to he talked us into a new method choking kids out where he would just sit on them for several seconds okay um one afternoon he just sat on a group of like seven kids um they were and that was what he was arrested for it seemed he was finally arrested for finally for quantity because he was doing it

in bulk you have to understand scott he was aluding police for years oh we would we would find these kids i would kill what come to me i put my hands up to his neck or his or her neck and i'd see there on the chest i see butt marks i say what the heck is going on when he said butt marks he means like skid marks or the impressions of definite impression of a butt okay you could see the rivets on the jeans you know you could see the butt mark i see i see and and i have a 501 symbol i was saying to someone i said i remember saying to you i said someone isn't strangling these kids someone is sitting on them okay so and that's did you years this was going on and police couldn't find a suspect the police are coming by they're fine with everything except for someone

sitting on the kids this was the doors are the police in your pocket or something no they're not in there are good friends of ours i mean we all know each other we recognize the problem they were the one that helps us organize the arena aspect of it because right with the audience coordinator you know sometimes these kids wouldn't get fully passed out and there'd be a ride on the hands and parents are saying i want you to take my kid again he didn't pass out and i said ma'am a major child pass out you know it would be a bit sometimes they would get to turn into riots right we need the peppers you have just strange ideas about education now why how did you ever get interested in in acquiring this job well my mother who i lived with um we all do that usually unless

you know our mothers until about a week ago oh when she passed um i'm so sorry a week ago my mother's work was when you say about a week ago what are you about about what day is it today i don't know uh today's monday yeah it's been about a week she she she lived to him ripe all day because you're 94 yeah she was 126 oh my god i'm the oldest woman in all of the world wow congratulations on that fact although now she is not but you know it's a thing she's been around so long that it's like enough already kind of it's it's too bad when you die you know you automatically no longer have that uh that record anymore you know what i mean that's like the only record that you can have that you can lose by dying like if you're the person who uh eight you know the most amount of

hot dogs in a minute or whatever you don't lose that when you die but if you're oldest person and you die you're no longer the oldest person it's really sad unless you're the oldest person like in living ever right yeah no that's only one of those yeah who's that um who hello no we're still on the line who's the oldest yeah i you brought the person up i susan summers okay enough with the jokes okay so it took several years but you found it out yeah he had to go away he's and he's been incarcerated now for 30 years about just for sitting on seven he keeps getting into trouble in jail you know this oh yeah you gotta understand tub it's not the feller that would get let out a hundred count good behavior right okay he's got a he's got a twinkle in his eyes

that says i'm up to no good okay i solemnly swear i'm up to no good he's solemnly swear with a twinkle in my eye though yeah he's on a macrobotic diet that i swear he grows he in prison up to seven four oh i see he grows he doesn't grow the food he's he grows in height i see you know he's growing he's growing yeah he's grown about one inch this whole time so he used to be he used to be six eleven seven three when i knew him oh okay and i'm just hearing now he's up seven four that's a 74 that's an inch over a considerable amount of time you have to understand 30 years yeah i don't know how if you're still growing that's that stop for me no i'm not no normally people shrink the older but now he's on this macrobiotic oh interesting well

congratulations to him we're building a statue for him um you're building a statue just to raise just to raise awareness of somehow how sometimes people can go wrong doesn't mean that they're wrong he's more of a a a a a scarecrow in a sense oh i see he's a ward of evil well peppers did we ever get to uh your mother passed away how did you get interested in education oh um i pretended to be my mother for for about 15 years uh just took on her job and eventually i learned a job and then i one day i said you know what i'm not in a dress and drag anymore i'm gonna pretend to be my mother so your mother had this job in the 70s in 60s or so 70s um okay she started in the 50s she started okay so she was there for a long time imagine you

slowly started i don't i get it i don't have to imagine it right till you 50s just imagine that i've seen back to the future so i have a vague rough idea but uh uh and then one day you just slowly took over her job by dressing as her going to work right you got it put yourself in her shoes you show up to work and you're that's what he did well no puts yourself scott enough of your jokes hey you understand that you you put yourself in her shoes in the sense you go to you go to work and you're already there you say what a minute what hell i'm gonna go i'm gone fishing or something i don't know what you're trying to say you put you get yourself to work and you're already there oh her oh she's she said i'm going to go to work and then and then

she sees she's already there you know ask her already right she's gonna say well i guess i'm already work time to go oh i don't know get a pedicure is that what happened or did you for the first first couple months you know people were acting strange and saying like you're not her what are you doing um you don't know anything about this job she knew things where is she what have you done to her this kind of thing right did you do something to her or no i did i did not i told her she said i'm tired working and it's time for you to start working and she came up with this idea oh she did okay job from her wow okay and uh wow and this was she was she was about your age now uh back then well it freed her up to do all kinds of things

it it really did i mean she's actually kind of a local hero around our parts oh really she could do it as herself no yes she had to take on his oh okay so you guys just switched clothes essentially it's crazy we get her we get her done which way one way or the other isn't yeah okay you know what they say you try and deliver a calf with your feet you're the one going inside at what point peppers if i may ask did you stop dressing up as your mother and what was the reaction then it was about um five years ago five years ago so this is a long time this i mean the late the 80s the late 80s at least through 2013 or so you were dressing up as your mother i knew i knew

peppers mainly as his mom okay you never mentioned that so that's why you were having so much trouble coming up with his name earlier is because you knew i was trying to think oh wait is this oh yeah right he became peppers yeah five years ago i'm on the email train so i got the update okay so and what was the reaction to this um when i came when i finally when you find out myself and my grandma and my mother came back to being herself yeah um people were like whatever i mean no big surprise to them they knew something was they just thought that was your thing they're like why are you doing that for so long um and i said i don't know maybe i kind of fell in love with that and uh and it was true i did i did marry uh don carsdale for that i was married i was a great wife to him for seven

years you're a great wife to your own dad to your own stepdad i guess yes okay so okay guys is that your special laugh in your hey you ain't going you ain't going where you from right county georgia what i had in that life yeah i mean so so so uh so what happened to don was don an older gentleman i guess i did i do i do need to clarify this you were you would assume that you dated your you know why i was married you were married to your mom's no he you got married you you met someone and fell in love with him as while you were dressed as your mother and you married him yes okay yes so and where's where's your actual father peppers

passed away or yeah he passed okay so she was free to marry whomever she liked he passed away when he was 26 um oh i'm so sorry my mother was a widow widowess yeah yeah so widow widowess so you don't have to put a female spin on widow he's the board of education superintendent okay i beg your pardon that's all right yeah so she was a widow for for 85 years so long and so you decided time to get her hitched um was this all for her or was it a man that you fell in love with you know it was uh it was for the job to keep to keep the income to keep the house open and uh and uh but you know some things happen um you spend time with the someone you work with and you start having feelings for the person oh did don work at the school uh he's trying to get you're

trying to get peppers to explain love i i know love is inexplicable and you know whomever you choose to love is is your thing i just i did did don ever figure out that you were not your mother no good good i couldn't do that to him yeah he was very sweet man did he pass away or why why were you only married seven years he did he passed away i'm so sorry his uh his jeep rolled right into him his jeep just rolled right into him yeah so he was still driving at it and didn't put it in park and yeah and that rolled him in and it rolled into his living room while he was watching into his living room he's watching some golf and he rolled in his own jeep rolled into his living room crushed him wow so this is it man this is at your mom's house i would imagine where

what were you and your mom because your mom was dressed as you and you were dressed as your mom my mother was bathing me upstairs so but to Don's view the son is being his mother okay yeah no question to ask which is a fortunate for all of us okay yeah sometimes you slide into certain scenarios where you didn't know you're going to be comfortable yeah but and so your mom enjoyed being young and being you and you know who doesn't enjoy it they came a real metal head with that beanie and the propeller on the back and go in the middle yeah concerts and drives flying around on her scooter a razor scooter she loved it and you loved what you were doing and you were in love with Don and and what a terrible tragedy that sounds awful i'm sorry to hear about that

um uh did and and you guys were upstairs and suddenly you you hear all this crashing i would imagine and uh you're like hey wait a minute is this Pete Holmes on HBO what is going on here all right so uh i'm sorry guys i gotta go oh i gotta work all right well what are you up to today besides taking the books out of first graders right now i'm picking out precious metals to build that statue the tibet you're picking them out meaning you're just choosing well there's a salesman here the statue salesman we're gonna try to make the size of the most expensive most durable the metal we can find well you've been raising money for it for 30 years yeah please go to makin middle school tennis in georgia tibet fund statue.com and please give what you

can i don't i don't think anyone is gonna give money to erect a statue of a seven foot four inch incarcerated child killer child killer with hands the size of of bunches of grapes just a real murderous homunculus well that's why it's a warning to the future generations don't be like him this is one of the most important statues the area has ever dared to erect and we got about a statue for just about everything okay all right children need to be afraid of something when they're growing up and since they can't go to the jail they might as well have a boogeyman all right i've always said might as well have a boogeyman might as well have a boogeyman well might as well have a boogeyman to you

all right all right bye bye number five oh boy so funny so insane these boys are nuts they're legitimately i mean they're insane they're a couple of kooks i sometimes worry when i'm in the studio with them that they are going to fly into a murderous rage and end me oh so you fear for your safety i truly do yeah i don't know why i keep recording episodes of them um obviously this was just a few weeks later after we talked to hot dog and i obviously had hot dogs on the mind because i believe i bring them up in that clip you obviously had hot dogs on the mind and i think sometime around here i remember it being national hot dog month or week or something and me having i took a picture on my phone of a chart of hot dogs from around the world and i remember like uh a being with

kulop in a kind of rather serious place and me her kind of like peering over my shoulder going what are you looking at because i was smiling i was looking at a picture of hot dogs from around the world i love hot dogs that much i was looking at all the various variations of hot dogs and how they serve them around the world pictures of hot dogs yes you're just smiling properly yeah so i think it was around this time that we uh we we recorded both of these episodes right at hot dog brain yeah a lot of hot dog on the mind uh that was a pleasure to record i uh those guys are wonderful and uh the whole thing about peppers swapping places with his mother uh man living as her while she lived is i noticed the ones any of the ones that i've been in so far you haven't

said you i remember how much i love doing this this was a pleasure to record now scott how am i supposed to take that i think i might have alluded to it well an illusion life is an illusion is it it truly have you ever thought about that what if life is a dress rehearsal i mean i feel like it for the opposite before what if it were a dress rehearsal we don't know i know race is a construct right life is not a dress rehearsal no what if it what if it was how crazy would that be we could do whatever we wanted well what about the people who have died aren't they part of the show the people who have died died oh the great jim carol band the jim carol band what's that movie they made about him the basket ball diaries the basket ball diaries is that about him or is

that uh based on a book he wrote it's or a memo it's like a a memoir that he wrote about himself right he wrote he wrote about himself like these guys are all selfish these they're self-absorbed their narcissists they're not giving people like us you know talking about the thomas middle dishes and racial sands of the world narcissists narcissists right this was a guy here's this guy he was so all about himself that they were like we're gonna name this after you still to this day people like you know you remind me of narcissists but so much you talk about yourself that was the way we said it to people you know who you remind me of this guy narcissists he uh looked at his own reflection in the pond or whatever fell in love with that shit yeah then he opened his mouth the bone fell

out on someone booted him in the button he fell in the pond yeah he's gonna get two bones only um all right let's go to a break when we come back we're we're gonna have uh episode four and this is exciting we're getting so close to one but we will stop after four but we are going to hear episode four after this builds the tension it truly does in an expert manner we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this expert manner hi everyone scott augerman here did you know i hope you do that in 2018 earwolf published 1785 episodes that's over 1591 hours that's 66 days worth of podcast listening if you never went to sleep since you probably don't have that kind of time all of the hosts and producers here at earwolf chose their favorite episode of their show this

year and made a playlist for you go see if your favorite episode made the cut and check out some new shows what better place to start than the very best episode of the year after all uh i believe for comedy bang bang i might have picked an episode i don't want to spoil it but just check it out go over to earwolf dot com slash picks that's p i c k s to see all the selections again that's earwolf dot com slash picks all of these episodes are out from behind the paywall and stitcher premium members there is a special version of the playlist just for you oh boy just stir so just uh stitcher or search stitcher for earwolf pack picks 2018 thanks for a great year of podcast we want to hear your favorites tell us your favorite episode of 2018 with a hashtag hashtag slash tag

earwolf picks don't say slash tag it's just hashtag earwolf picks comedy bang bang best of 2018 and i tell you these years they just they just keep going along don't they at a certain point it'll be 29 i never thought i would live to see 2019 this fucking shit let me tell you tomorrow it's gonna be 2019 scott stop saying it i don't like i don't like all these years i don't like it it's like i know how old i am you don't need to remind me fucking every time i write a check you're really rubbing anyway 2019 tomorrow you got any resolutions um my main resolution i guess now is to get all that cat litter out of my bathtub i didn't know that was a weird thing until you told that story i told it like it was a real weird uh

yeah i'm now i'm now i'm seeing it through your eyes and i'm like yeah that's through my i just sam just turned on every light in the control room sam moved back a studio yeah he's like i gotta get out of here oh he disappeared he turned him out so boy i wish you guys could see sam i wish you guys could see sam this is the real show over here i wish you could see the screen savers on the laptops in here all the monitors it is so fun in here i wish you could see chibaca's angry oh yeah we didn't talk about chibaca's angry face he's he's as angry as i've ever seen him i think he actually looks very sad like he looks like he's grieving he really does he looks like superman on the cover of crisis on infinite earth's 10 or whatever when he's holding

supergirl and crying oh yeah because she's dead yeah um he looks a lot like that do you think there'll ever be a best of where we don't talk about star wars no because they'll keep making these things well they certainly keep making those tissues next uh yeah someday star wars will go away but these tissues will still be around some of these star wars will go away but the tissues remain forever by the time we do the best ofs next year star wars episode nine will be out we'll talk about that wow x exactly exactly um red what's the name of that called red death redemption red dead redemption the third might be out by then how long does it take to make one of those red dead red dead genies one of the games yeah one of the game it probably takes years right it

takes four years five years to make yes and then there was a big there was a big uh scandal because they were uh the company was making their people work crazy hours oh right to get finished by the release deadline yeah right yeah well that always happens with anything yeah but it's like you know delay it you want to later you know i wouldn't have minded if i if i the game is very good like the quality of it is astounding it's a vast game right you can play it for days and days and days and i would not have minded waiting in fact i thought it was gonna come out later but all the promotional aspects of it or what this is the problem when like you two rushes to wait is this an episode of you talking you two to me no oh okay um when you two is like rushing

to meet a release date it's because all it's not like the record stores wouldn't be like yeah yeah sure we'll we'll put it out three weeks late it's because all of the promotion is is wrapped up into it like you know i'd say like they've already paid for all of that promotion when it comes out but i mean like playing your ship better you know what i mean like i don't know it just seemed yeah yes all the promotions paid for but and who knows what unforeseen problems they're seeing but i've also heard that those people are like they're not exactly uh which people the programmers no not the programmers the people that run the people in red yeah the cowboys the cowboys oh no i heard those cowboys are not easy to deal with okay well that adds an extra layer of difficulty with with

this job um i gotta play that i hear it's great it's great do you do you play games at all i did i tell you when i was hanging out over remember golden i of course golden i that was those were the years and there were maybe a three-year period when i was hanging out at brian posane's house with dug benson where we would play uh here are the games i like when the when that mario uh no what am i talking about the nintendo not the game cube but the one before it when that system came out where game sphere no when the when nintendo 64 maybe that was it when everything was 3d graphics you know and you had golden i and instead of being flat that was the 64 okay so when the mario game came out and the legends of zelda and mario kart came out like oh those were my golden years i

love those i love adventure games i would probably like red dead redemption because i like solving puzzles and walking around and you know do you know what games you would like if you like that is uh those batman games the nightfall or whatever it is or like asylum and all that yeah those games are a lot are a good mix of puzzle solving and like shooting shit punching shit whatever i don't like the i don't like the ones where you're just like fighting people all the time you know but i mean there's a lot of fighting but it's also there's a lot of puzzles to figure out i like the zelda i mean the riddlers in it that's true i like the zelda aspect of like you know wandering around looking for a quest finding pieces of puzzles what's they call sandbox games oh is that

what they call it okay so i then i got a free xbox and they sent me a whole bunch of games nice and i don't think i ever took them out of the packaging but um i did play guitar hero for a bit and that was the last video game i've ever played and we we have these systems at my house and we've never cracked them open but um i would like to play that spider-man game and i hear that's really good i heard that's very good too i am an xbox person that's on ps4 okay which i guess i have to get if i want to fucking play that game oh um and is red dead redemption on all systems or is it just on um i believe it's on all systems it's on all systems all right maybe i will play it tell you what why don't we make this the year where i get into video games oh god that's all you need

and i'll play piano and you learn how to that's right so our big our big reveal at whatever party this is is i'll play piano while you tap dance and then i'll sit down and play video games for six hours while people watch me yeah and i'll do a live stream i'll do a twitch about it yeah and i'll just watch you over there can you imagine having a twitch where we just played video games people would like it i bet people would if people like twitch at all they might as well like it if we do it let's do it let's do the shakespeare avengers i get requests for that if ever i like post on twitter it's something about a video game right there's always someone who says please i want to see you play these games i did that conan show where you go in and they

interview conan who oh brian oh yeah okay yeah where they where they um you play video games and you're being interviewed while you play video games and people like it for some reason because they like watching people play video games and i didn't know how to play any of the games and i thought i was just there for an interview but it turned out to be this thing and people were so upset that i didn't know how to play the games though really he doesn't know how to play i played on a video games on a show with tim balts we played golden eye together isn't he number six on the call sheet or number uh no he's higher up there he's maybe ryan golf number six okay he's four he's four no mandel mon is number four oh he's three tim is number three yeah he's number two and then

guess who's number one number one i think it was in reverse order of them being uh hired oh oh shit don't tell them that you can't tell them i mean they have a general dan knows he was hired first uh what dan knows he was hired first i think he does because he never let anyone forget it no but i've mentioned this on stage we're talking about but we talked about this in a previous episode folks you're talking about the july dollar properties hopefully they there may be some news about that this year i'm hoping uh in the 2019 um but we're just talking about the order on the call sheet that all the actors are on which is extremely important and they all fight about it all the time well i what i'm very proud of us for not fighting about it and recognizing the most

important things that i'm number one that's right you are number one how many uh how many shows were you number one on the call sheet on i'm guessing best week ever oh that that anyone ever saw no just that's a different category no the ones that people saw no just general oh general yeah we got no you shut up no you shut up best week ever best week ever bajillion dollar properties i've done two pilots where i was okay on the call sheet oh sorry three three which pilots release 1321 clover the peter principal what was that other one called uh shit uh untitled bambi cottages project band untitled bambi cottages it was going to be called bambi cottages but that was a real place and so they weren't sure if they're going to use that

luckily it became a non-issue so you've been number one so many times a few times man a few times me just once just on your show yeah just on my show you had to create a show to make that happen i know that's so sad man i really do have a sad sad career uh paul i think we got to get to it this is uh we got to get to the the last episode in our uh we have to scott we got to get to our last episode in our countdown today and that is episode number four number four all right this is episode number four and this is episode number when you're counting it in terms of comedy bang bang episodes not where it is on the countdown this is episode

540 that's right so shut up so shut up everyone who said episode 540 couldn't be number could never be number four yeah burnt yeah dusted yeah faced this is an episode called low five low five ringing any bells it's ringing five bells really it's five o'clock wait i'll wait for the cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo oh two cuckoo three cuckoo four cuckoo five oh that echo really helps you're right i'm not wrong um this is an episode called low five and it's with our friend john ham i know him who people know from uh tv's madman he's the madman himself i know him from tag that's true he was in tag this year and in fact i'm not gonna lie he might have been promoting tag on this episode i think he was i think he was uh wait no there was some other movie his other

beirut movie yeah it might have been beirut it was either beirut is on fire we don't need no water let the mother fucker burn uh this has john ham in it this has paul if tomkins in it that's me and it has uh two people by the name of jessica mackenna jessica mackenna that's like when people say sardine live sardine live that's i'm one of those people sardine live it's hard for me to say i gotta really concentrate jesse cana what did i say jesse mackenna jesse can jesse mackenna jessica mackenna jesse mackenna jesse mackenna jesse mackenna jesse mackenna yes of course and zakrino they are you would know them from the off book the improvised musical podcast you should you should know it and you should listen to that because that's a

wonderful podcast and uh they were on it uh together although not doing characters together that's right um and here's what you need to know about this episode okay previous to this clips there's look the whole episode is great um first we talked to the husky voiced john ham and then we talked to the even huskier voice uh smooth criminal al-a peterson that's right that's right um and the things if you don't know about uh al-a peterson what are the things we need to remind everyone he's completely hairless right but by choice he does not have alopecia he faked alopecia to get out of a long-term relationship right with with by the way the relationship was between him and someone a woman named carlifer carlifer his college sweetheart his you're right

he helps people fake their own deaths by shaving their entire bodies right and giving him a new passport he hates clumsy portmanteaus such as carlifer well he we know that he hates one in particular and i believe that he confronted carlifer's yes there's a famous story about it where he confronted carlifer's dad carl carl and his mother jennifer told him told him it was a clumsy portmanteau right and that and he and he he begged him he begged him for it like the sibling he's cowardly worm that he is a sibling of a worm and and it's he's married to a vermouth drunk yeah but meanwhile jennifer's in the other room just getting bombed on her six bottle of vermouth just trying to feel that feeling yeah um the other thing you need to know is he uses

smoke bombs to escape okay that it's not you know an important part of it of his canon overall but it's certainly not a part that i remember it is for this episode so i believe he may bust it out at a certain point um we previous to this clip also we're talking to jessica mckenna who is playing park ranger marjorie kershaw um and the things you have to know about her is she is very concerned about park visitors putting on sunscreen uh and she is very concerned about the separation between church and state so she's very religious and but doesn't like to talk about it because she's a government employee i don't think she knows a lot about state parks she that's why she wanted to do this character she knows a lot about but i don't think that she's a person who necessarily

collects that information i think she did all the research for doing the show i think she went on like some wikipedia pages oh i wasn't in the impression that she and her like it was a thing with her and her family it could be maybe i'm misremembering but i had thought it was something where she went on a wikipedia page the night before and just memorized a bunch of stuff but maybe it's a combination of both or of just what you said so those are the people who are talking before this clip but i think the reason and they're all great and the reason people voted for this episode is because it's a great episode all the way through but i think uh the reason it may be sticking in people's minds is because of the character that zack rino plays um and he is a

playing he is a trainer and he is basically play you'll hear it but he's playing something that has to do with the uh game i wanted to say video game but it's not a video game is it it's just a game of pokemon it's just a game in the in the largest sense of the word and he knows a lot about this game and you'll hear uh i know i didn't know anything about it and i'm kind of trying to understand what he's talking about i still don't which makes me feel good i think i've got it from just listening to him talk about it a couple of times what i like when somebody does a thing like this where they it's either they know it so thoroughly that they could just riff on it or they'd know nothing about it right it could be either one to me he knows it very thoroughly

and is riffing on it and very specifically and people really enjoyed it but you'll hear myself and paul and i believe even john ham not quite knowing what he's talking about and that's part of the fun of this clip uh also i believe we talk about the uh with the park ranger we mentioned the hbic the head baron charge a few times that may come up during this clip right um so let's listen to it this is your number four number four he's a trainer please welcome to the show dash grab him hi scott hi so great to meet you i'm dash grab him yes you are well you may have misunderstood what i do uh i do you're a trainer right i'm a pokemon trainer scott i train pokemon i catch them and subjugate them and train them for battles and we go on adventures across the land

what's his now what what is a what is a pokemon pokemon is a pocket monster a small monster that you can subjugate catching a ball where are you on this portmanteau pocket monster oh because pokemon pokemon pocket monster i've seen a lot of them around your area i'm not from around here yours are weird though i will give you that have you seen them in the walls maybe you're just thinking they're junius bubble dune right now i saw a bunch of them outside little what it would be pidgeys where i'm from but yours are different and they don't have any of the attacks at the ones that i have you try to catch a pigeon oh sure i caught like eight of them they have basically no battle skills i see they can run that's a good battle i mean that's why i'm pretty

sure that's why that's a nice skill yeah that would be pretty useful if i didn't have a bunch of bird type pokemon which i do oh wow congratulations thank you where do you keep all of these it must be difficult to store all these pocket monsters no see okay so here's the pokeball and see you just click this and it gets real small keep them on my belt right here i only carry about six to eight of them at a time it's my battle lineup and the rest of them i put basically into the internet where they just live and sit around is there like bitcoin i that's a currency that lives on the internet i don't think i can i don't know that they're like light coin is that another cryptocurrency i don't know that any of them have hara coin i think of all of them it's the most like

hara coin is it like the charleston chew which is a new cryptocurrency based on charleston chew the candy bar that no one likes i beg your pardon i should i love a charleston i should clarify it is it is like bitcoin that it is very difficult to cash out because none of them as far as i know are directly exchangeable for money of any kind okay dash let me ask you a question yeah you said these pokemon as you called them they engage in battles all the time i make them do it who are they battling other pokemon it's a big big no no to fight a person with a pokemon oh really that's a crime yeah a crime in i get not in the united states what crime against nature you don't have a lot of rules pertaining to pokemon in this country there's not a lot of pokemon law yeah where

i'm from is almost nothing but where are you from i'm from the kanto region oh okay of excuse me the kanto region of pardon so you're from the kanto region yeah i'm from the kanto region and you stop that's that's all you need and you train pokemon to fight other loose pokemon or do people own and subjugate these pokemon oh thank you for asking oh you're welcome the answer is both i love to use my pokemon to fight wild pokemon that i try to make faint you don't want to ever kill a pokemon but once you make it faint or almost faint you can capture it and then you can take those pokemon to poke gyms all around the world and you can battle at those gyms against other trainers and take their badges and then if you get enough badges you can become a pokemon master

and i dash grab them i'm gonna be pokemon master what where are you in the process i have one badge how many do you need to be a master more than one so two i mean technically to be a pokemon master you have to catch them all and this is where it gets so frustrating this is what i've heard yeah this is what i've heard you've got to catch them all you have to it is a compulsion and here's the problem originally when i became a pokemon master i'm 11 years old i started very i was gonna say yeah i guess how old would you have said 29 i spent a lot of time in the sun everyone's just 29 aren't they i spent a lot of time in the sun and i don't wear sunscreen in my hat is always backwards that's the cool way to wear it oh boy at least put on a sunscreen i'm begging you i don't need to

because i have a coughing and he can cast smoke screen okay anyway i forget what i was talking about well you were talking about a subject or finding other pokemon and and the catching them all is very difficult oh yeah because originally there were only 150 scott okay and that's like a big yeah one can if one were to spend maybe 200 days i can imagine one that's a that's a that's a amount of time to be here al can i ask you what kind of day you know uh 42 hours oh yeah the 42 hours 42 hours just never sleep like al over here i don't mean to well actually all of you right now but uh 200 days is a laughable amount of time to catch 150 okay don't don't mansplain to us about our kids playing i guess as well post explain some of them are in saffron some of them young

man's playing trains playing because he's a trainer oh okay trains playing yeah well it's just that they're all over the world it takes a long time oh there were originally 150 and that was jackie chan went around the world in 80 days checky chan checky chan checky chan are you gonna allow him to rock you uh he and steve kogan went around the world in 80 days so it seems like it's 200 days is you know would be if you got very lucky you could maybe do it how many but how many pokemon are are in the kanto region let's just say there are 151 proper in the camp now in the kanto reason so how many it's expand a lot just in the kanto region where you're from well that's all that we thought there were and that's what you thought you had to do to catch them all it turns out every year

or so about 150 more get released and they get this sounds bananas weird every time i'm really only familiar with the first 150 after that there's some weird weird stuff out there you guys there's a bear you would like that one oh well i have a healthy respect for it you wouldn't like this bear this bear as i understand it blasts fire out of its mouth oh gosh well that is i think that is the hbic for sure that would definitely be the huge this bear i caught um you have caught and trained this bear oh yeah i got it i have another i have a water type pokemon can i ask that but what is the name of that bear hmm what is the name of his name is sitting in the internet right now oh the the name of the species yeah an ursa ring ursa ring oh that's clever makes sense yeah based on the

latin the big bear has got a big literal ring on his stomach okay on his stomach how do you feel about that portmanteau gotta fly upside down ursa ursa ursa ring one is part of his latin name for bear and then he has a ring around him it's a portmanteau between earth sign and telephone right that's a clumsy portmanteau sorry you've been judged clumsy portmanteau ursa ring anyway i battle him and now he lives the internet so how do you bat because i thought it was against the rules to battle a human for a pokemon to battle a human oh it's just frowned upon no it is where i'm from it is actually illegal the canto to use to use the force of in the canto region to use the force of a pokemon against a human but you're battling these pokemon yes like for example i would have

a pokemon i would probably if i was battling you for example wait i'm not a pokemon no no you would be a pokemon trainers oh okay i believe you would bring your pokemon and then they would set them on each other for example which one do you choose uh out of my pokemon sure i'll choose ursa ring great you're an idiot because i'm gonna bring a water pokemon to that fight but okay water fire you bring well that's that's not your fault you're a new trainer i assume yeah okay so i have no interest in this at all actually are you kidding me it's got so much adventure dash can i ask a question yes please is this pogs what is pogs oh you got it there oh it's a thing that i've heard and i'm never quite sure oh the stackable cardboard disc that you then hit over with this

metal disc wait why were you confused about pogs well for a second i thought you were talking about a polywag which is a polywag that would be a that's quite a portmanteau yeah a terrible secret no you're talking about stackable cardboard disc that then you use with a metal disc and then you and you make bets and you can win other people's pogs exactly little slammer is it you said polywag that's what you would call it where i'm from it's called a polywag that reminds me of a story i once heard about someone who uh was in the backseat of a car uh on a trip with his friends and his friends and little baby son who had a polyworal doll and he loved this polywool and so this person that i know was pretending to get the name wrong of polywool several times and the little

boy was laughing and then all of a sudden the little boy started crying out of frustration because this idiot couldn't understand that the name was polywool and this is a friend of yours this is someone i know someone you know i can't someone you work i can't claim friendship was it on video or no i don't i i guess i don't know this this is a story that i heard from a story oh yes i mean i understand that i have it to someone i know my favorite pokemon that i use for most battles is called a charm alien and if you called him something else i would think that was rude so i kind of understand that's clearly a portmanteau between charming and the chameleon he is char he is kind of like a chameleon is his power is this yeah his battle skill is a charm just charms you out of

fighting is it from chameleon and char and he's a great uh barbecue master he is a great barbecue mastery over he is a great barbecue master he is about a four foot tall fire lizard and i would say his main power is arson oh well i would just i would just bring a water lizard to that fight yeah that would be a good man is chameleon air a pocket monster chameleon air the musical artist i mean he would be if i could ever catch him he's about to catch it no see here's the thing well in his power clearly would be just having a lot of money you're not supposed to catch humans and blending into it the technology technically doesn't prevent you from catching anything inside and subjugating them you're just talking about slavery this does sound very slave slavery adjacent

okay well we don't like to use that word when we talk about i'm sure you don't use a pokemon our companions not our slaves they battle with us sometimes by choice and sometimes begrudgingly but we don't ever use the word slave you mean like picking someone up from the airport very much like that like you don't want to but you're not being forced to okay so how many pokemon do you have i have 12 12 yeah you have you're not even close to catching no it's gonna be a very long road but i'll do it because i believe in myself now you say you train these bucket monsters mm-hmm what does the training consist of quit so i take the pokeball throw it and then they come out and then i shout commands at them and they do what i say i see

this does sound very slavery it's very mean it feels it's a partnership full of respect and trust and what do you do for them i put them back in the pokeball okay so you imprison them well we win battles together and then sometimes we eat a meal but mostly i keep them in the pokeball because they all eat the same thing and it's real boring to take them to a restaurant so you're only allowing them to eat once in every rare while you know the crazy thing scott they don't actually need to eat if they're in the pokeball okay i've got some that have been in that ball for months and if you take them out they're like a little pissed but they're physically fine is their favorite their favorite meal has to be a pokeball though right yeah that's right okay that's why is that boring

they love i can eat that like three days a week i know i could i mean you say that now like a jeremy pivot talk to me on week three does he sing jeremy piven does he sing jeremy piven jeremy piven class today let me ask you a question when the pocket monsters are in this pokeball mm-hmm are they in a sort of suspended animation i wish i wish i could tell you i've never been in one in as far as i know no human ever has been oh well that sounds like that's something you should do i mean it's so hard to catch them all especially if they keep moving the goalpost you should be the first human in a pokeball oh i should get into one just understand both sides i think that's what we're talking about if you want to get into your poke your pokeball we

would let you i'll do it dash graven will catch himself okay what do you need us to oh oh he did oh he just did that is amazing wow he just did to get him out yeah we should have asked that but we really should have he should have given us instructions i don't know how to work this thing he said throw it let's take a look at this i just he said like throw it i think throw it all right yeah i'll throw it it's on let's see don't throw that that's careful careful don't throw the smoke bar yeah here we go i'm free oh wow what was that what was it like what was it like in there okay you know how when you go to sleep and you i'm out oh uh okay yeah try to try to do something don't compare it to a movie either because i was gonna have no frame of reference okay jeez uh how

i do this um okay you know how well for the rest of you then you know how when you sleep it's like you're kind of aware of existence but it's a little bit different sure sometimes you know you're in a bad oh it's not oh wow this is you so you can be back in now i have okay i have no memory from what just happened oh okay so the last thing you remember is going into the ball going into the ball and then i just i i felt i pushed right back out how long do you think you were gone i mean it felt like an instant to me well it feels like longer than 120 seconds or so i feel like we didn't get a real accurate idea of what it's like to be trapped in the poke ball i'm going to tell you i do not want to go back in because i feel like i did not exist for that period well so

now this is what the poke yeah this is how they must feel almost definitely yeah so does that make you want to release it not even a little bit oh boy i just feel like you really you're really taking advantage of these pocket monsters oh for sure you know how like okay so he hears it you know how horses pull carts yeah are you all up in arms about how horses be pulling stuff around all the time i mean sometimes you ask those horses if they want to pull carts around i don't like the horses that do just the carriage rides yeah they're also fed very well they're groomed and they're treated very nice let me ask you a question they get the shit in the bag you guys know fit i mean we should all be so lucky but you know you know fish yeah i know fish right i mean if you had a fish what would

your what would your fish's day to day life be like well that's uh i mean they swim around in living their best life swimming swimming in the water my fish has been all over the world but they don't know because most of the time they're in there yeah all in these to know that its own existence was going on for most of that time but it came out and got to experience parts of all over i had a fish growing up but it was an outdoor fish so he got to just go wherever yeah mine's an outdoor fish so you know i i uh maybe you don't think these pocket monsters have sentience or a soul oh they definitely have both okay well then you're then you're then you truly are a criminal you're just you're a slaver you're a slave owner they're so happy how do you know that though

okay well you can tell when a pokemon is unhappy because it doesn't follow any of your battle commands can one come out can we can we talk to anyone yeah we really need to you can't talk to them they only say their own name over and over and over again okay so that's gonna be hard to know they're happy is it like i am Groot where it has different intonations yeah yeah it's just like so you can translate yeah for sure oh okay let's bring i guess we bring out a chameleon yeah i'll bring out my chameleon i sure are you sorry the chameleon yeah i'll bring out chameleon he's just gonna say chameleon a lot okay yeah bring him out yeah chameleon i choose you chameleon hey what's up dude chameleon yeah how's it hanging chameleon yeah that's about right chameleon are you are you

okay yeah would you chameleon yeah i don't think i don't think chameleon it's okay so much pain you guys you want me to translate or do you just want to infer from that well i know what he's actually we're all in the room we can see what's happening chameleon is crying yeah he is crying but not for the reasons you think okay what translate for us okay so chameleon this one specifically is an arson type pokemon chameleon because he hasn't burned down a building lately chameleon yeah so chameleon shaking is it yeah he's shaking it up and down yes up and down if you're tilted sideways sure well yeah that's chameleon okay so you know how like in india yes and no doesn't look like the same head jester as it does for in america i don't i did not know that that's true

yeah it's it's side first place is india india i know in the movie gladiator they do thumbs up when it should have been thumbs down i don't know about that but that's probably right chameleon yeah got i gotta go track okay um chameleon chameleon what is one thing that i could do to make your life a little bit better chameleon a whole bank chameleon you can't burn down a bank chameleon i know that felt to me like kill me yeah i did feel i did feel chameleon seems to be yes indian style saying no chameleon return wow okay i don't feel like you were giving us the proper translation i i do feel yeah i feel like we learned more about the real situation with these pokemon yeah then then you wanted to let on number four oh so good so nice that one was let's listen

to it twice that was a treat here well let's hear it one more time all right oh no we're not gonna do that you tricked me it's like a 30 minute clip yes you're like the trickster and now you must reside within this dimension um that was a fun you were saying that was a fun episode to do it was fun it was it was uh an interesting combination of people um and the park ranger stuff zack and jess obviously work together a lot they have a podcast every week and they're writing partners and uh yeah yeah so uh but they were doing they were not connected and so yeah it was you know you put these shows together you book them and you go like all right i got this person i got this person now it's in god's hands who knows how they're gonna be together but that

was a really fun one to do it wasn't it it wasn't it fun it weren't it were fun weren't it fun paul it were fun it were foreign stranger it were fun and as i looked out across that golden valley i knew that i understood more of man and god than i had previously known that guy who does who am i doing when i do the hi stranger i think that is pat buttram pat buttram like mr haney on green age how did he chance above that mr douglas how did he figure out because a lot of it seems like a lot of comedians in the 50s 60s 70s 80s and beyond where comedians the whole office can agree on they found they found a funny way to talk and then they did that their entire careers yeah and they and that was enough for people i feel like it's rooted in vaudeville right right but so how does he

is he just like going fuck i don't have a funny way to talk i need to have a career i mean this shit isn't funny i i guess i'm gonna do a weird voice i mean that because nowadays when you're doing a cowboy voice or whatever sometimes people will bust out of mr haney or a tribute to mr haney sometimes like uh i think there's a i think in the first wreck at ralph uh doesn't uh uh uh uh uh oh god what's his name he was on bang bang he's great uh he was in firefly me oh but he does he does basically the hello hello the great gilder sleeve that guy yeah yeah he does that yeah yeah he basically like people sometimes do impressions of these don't worry mrs ricciardo i will get the bill he's on firefly yeah you know who i'm talking about alentutic

yeah alentutic yes yes yes so in in wreck at ralph i think in the first wreck at ralph he's the villain in it and he basically is doing that guy i think yeah uh so every once you know it's like everyone came up with every funny voice there is and that's a lot like listening to comedy bang bang they covered all ten yeah it's like we've done every funny way there is but how did he how was he experimenting just going like well what if i like slipped in between falsetto and my chest yeah like if i was going through puberty oh the time they are strange and that fits for a cowboy voice yeah well hello they're stranger because do welcome to welcome to the mining town do it in like a regular voice like take away the cowboy effect okay hello stranger welcome to the mining

town is that what you mean yeah not good that's why you didn't have an accent you're like hello stranger welcome to the mining town oh yeah yeah that's not that's weird but at the southern accent but if you have the southern accents like oh that guy just talked that way stranger something about the different vowel choices and the hitting the r's really hard on this just works exactly or is it he's done it in so many things he didn't in so many uh disney films and uh you know in green acres like you said he's just done it so many times it sounds wrong if you have any variation but it sounded just as wrong when he started i mean maybe he's fucking drunk yeah he's probably a drunk yeah they all were back then everyone god wasn't it great you could be in show business and

be drunk all the time all the time and now it's just like on these end of the year episodes are the only times that we get drunk every classic film you've ever seen people are shit shit faced okay if you watch any movie and it and i'm talking about okay so the movie's up to 77 everyone's every single person but also every star wars i think was the first movie where the entire cast wasn't drunk they're all sober too yeah they're all they're all in sober living super sober they're all they all live together it's over living yeah yeah yeah they were each other sober companions and i'll get us peter cushing was there yeah go grandma target himself kenny baker um and then post 77 is when everyone started eating claim jumper and getting really fat yeah and then

everyone's head remember when everyone got so fat in the movies there was a good like like 82 to 84 everyone was seagull everyone was so fat yeah and then jane fawn to start working out everyone got skinny again but now anytime you see a movie every single person has their hair dyed really dark yeah and everyone is terrified they're gonna get fired yeah that's any anything you ever watch that's it that's show business everyone has their hair dyed really dark and they're afraid they're gonna get fired that's any any scene you see in anything pick out pick out anything and i can tell you i'll point it out i'll point out and go that person the hair is really dark of this person they're gonna get fired yeah go read the intern with robert de niro sure if you

want to have fun every it's evenly divided half of the cast hair really dark the other half of the guy terrified they're gonna get fired yeah and that is true that showbiz that is showbiz if you're old enough to dye your hair you're not gonna read if there's grass on the field play ball oh and on that note we're gonna end this episode unfortunate say something else as for a palate click anyway kony 2012 okay all right um we have to end this episode we're getting down to it though because on our next episode we are going to count down the number three episode the number two episode and the number one episode of 2018 what if we didn't you're right let's just throw i'm just we don't have to decide right now okay well tell you what

check back in with us on thursday yeah if we do it we'll meet back together here on thursday sure if we do it great do the episode live as we always do of course if we're not here we just decided no we didn't do it yeah and we and there's don't worry there's no emergency neither of us have slipped and fallen and cracked our pretty little heads but check to see if we have dyed our hair really dark that's true um guys we gotta go but we will see you back here on thursday or not who knows um love it i'll see you soon love it see you soon that's not a thing i say at the end it is now all right love it see you soon love it see you soon bye yeah

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