Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Best of 2019 Pt.1

Episode Date: December 23, 2019

Happy Holidays from Comedy Bang! Bang! Join Scott and Paul F. Tompkins as they countdown numbers fifteen through twelve of the Best CBB episodes of 2019 as voted by YOU listeners. Tune in Thursday for Part 2! This episode is brought to you by Squarespace (www.squarespace.com/BANGBANG), Dashlane (www.dashalen.com/bangbang), and Audible.

The pencil is sharpest just before the dawn my willpower is weakest knelt before a fawn welcome to comedy bang bang best of 2019 part one not including what we just heard not including that yeah that is eligible for next year we should start voting on cash phrases yes true enough welcome to comedy bang bang this is the best of 2019 part one my name is Scott Ackerman I'm the host of comedy bang bang and every year we do this every year this is the I believe the 11th time we have done a best of as we just celebrate the 10th anniversary and this is the 11th December I believe that we have been in existence and therefore my math is

correct 10 plus one hey man congrats hey you or I guess 11 equals 11 is more of what my math was 11th December it cannot be disputed 11 equals 11 it also equals seven plus four eight plus three yeah all sorts of ways the dice can fall now you're splitting hairs we're getting into numerical semantics true enough I guess five and six is the only way the dice can fall on 11 can't do eight and three can't do seven and four as you're playing dungeons or dragons my favorite game dungeons or dragon whatever those dungeons or dragons and you had to choose isn't it this is the game I play which one do you

do you prefer the dungeons or the dragons I prefer the dragons because at least then you're fighting and stuff if you get if you roll and you get dungeon then you're just in the dungeon and that is just a coin that you flip yeah that you roll sort of like you roll on its side and then it falls either way you roll over your knuckles to impress people right just much like Caesar Romero in Oceans 11th right then you roll the coin on the table right it falls off chair always falls off which is so much fun for everyone and then the dungeon or dragon master looks at it on the floor and says oh you got dungeon you got

dungeon then you wait in the dungeon until you are maybe paroled or you die and you have to go before the parole board every yes the dungeon parole board every year yes so it takes years and years to play yeah yeah I've been in a dungeon for 16 years with the same guys so you have you ever played dragon no I've seen people play dragon I've seen like and that goes by fast oh yeah people are incinerated immediately my friend Billy he got dragon is he on the street Billy on the street and he was having a ball oh man I got dungeon and every week I would come back to the game we've been meeting together for 16 years yeah

immediately you were remanded to me I was remanded to the dungeon and I would I would so I'd come back and you know I have my painted figurines and everything sure and I would say the guard allows those because they're not allowed in the sound no no no no this is me in real life I RL oh I bring my painted figurines I see game oh but then the guard does not allow them no the guard does not allow my character to have painted figurines he confiscates me and smashes them in front right in front of me with a big mallet like a Gallagher like the kind you'd find a dragon with oh assuming introduce me

ladies gentlemen what is me is Jason Momoa okay well every year he's with us he does these best ofs alongside me mainly because they're fun to do and he's on so many episodes he played Aquaman please welcome Jason Momoa Scott thank you so much for having me again I love being here I love the best it's me Jason Momoa have you ever shout out a game of thrones Jason Momoa speak I don't think that's it I've seen everything I've seen every one of my pictures and television programs remember that war on Netflix I was in it that one on Netflix love comedy bang bang hey non-man I don't think you can

keep this up the entire time kidding a salad joking no not joking I love the show I don't think you can keep this up the entire time I should introduce the real you don't think I can do it I know you could you don't think I can do it you say you can't handle the truth you can't handle the truth that is such a charming dialect where people replace th sounds with f sounds it's charming it's also it's also what people dentures to if they take their dentures out it's not strange that in England where I'm from of course Jason Momoa Jason Momoa married to Lisa Bonnet I love Lisa Bonnet I get along well with Lenny

we're mates remember that video of letting Kravitz which I know I need to be more specific not let love rule no the one where we watch it every year where do you see my video oh no I've I've constructed some flimsy trousers is there a specific day you watch it we watch it the Christmas season like a you log we have it looping we watch it looping on a loop on the TV we're looping it we're looping it be old China don't think for a second we're not looping it I tell Marcus Jason Momoa answer it should I answer a telemarketing calls but

not these days oh my god how many telemarketer calls do you get a day thousands and thousands one a second me mobile never stops ring at a certain point we're just gonna throw these things away or disable the phone parts of them to write to write to write tell me about Aquaman he's a he's a charismatic figure the movie is loud flashy incomprehensible and not seen by me wait you said you saw all of your movies I've never seen you're a liar I'm a liar you are a liar Jason Momoa the lawyer is Aquaman a liar yeah he can't talk to fish everything that happens is just a coincidence really this is the most

coincidental movie I played him I played him as a lawyer you played him a logical lawyer every time someone says hey tell those dolphins what to do you get it I noticed you get a nervous look in your eyes and they start darting about you know as well as look back and forth back and forth and then I say oh oh dolphins I think if you've never heard this show before you're very confused as to what's happening right now why would you think this is back I'm back yay Paul of Tomkins of course comedian extraordinaire rock on tour member of the rock on tours with Jack White you played base but I believe between the

years of 2005 2007 yes now with that band though not with that band just at home yeah you were a member of the rock on tours you didn't play bass for them I refused you were the mascot yeah I would come out in the big rock on tours costume right it was just a giant Jack White yeah big phone hit it's about approximately two feet taller than the real Jack White yeah and you know it's weird it was inside that costume freezing cold usually they're incredibly hot yeah but this one was it was freezing the hot did you see that I did see that movie I went to a screening with Leo Allen oh you went

outdoors to see yes can you believe it I mean this was years ago how was he then he was great then good even better now I hope give him my best I hope to see him soon I have not seen it he lives in New York usually who can you imagine can you imagine you did that for a year I did never again you lived up in the the tip of the Statue of Liberty's crown did you not I did crown she's wearing I live in the crown district it is a crown she's wearing she it is yeah she's some sort of queen or princess you don't have to be royalty to wear a crown isn't that funny that is funny anybody can wear a crown so anyone just off the street

including Billy you can just go into a store and buy a crown yeah yeah you can make your own it's here it's strange that they call the part of the head the crown and then you also wear a crown that would get confusing two things called crown right next to each other that's like if you just said the hat of the head yeah the hat of the hat yes he a rock fell on it and he got a nasty cut on the hat of his head yeah when he was battling a dragon what what what like it would be like if you call the the the pupils of your eyes the glasses of the yeah well we've talked about it on this show glass is one of the only

things that is a noun but describes what it is made of as well it's true and iron perhaps iron no I am certainly and is there anything steel no I guess you can't describe a steel maybe a blip maybe a sword is a steel you don't know I mean steel is not a noun not a steel but yeah steel steel is but that but that again you wouldn't say like hey that steel is made of steel it's just steel but our irons made of iron still I don't know if they are anymore I believe they would now the plexiglass perhaps yeah what is the bottom of an iron if not what is the bottom of an iron the immortal the poet's thing of it what is the

bottom of an iron oh would you just hit there Mike technique Mike technique Mike technique hi I'm Mike technique would you like to learn how to fix this microphone because I need you to I'm skip intro and this is my you know the incredible duo skip intro and Mike technique we do this every year the comedy bang bang best of episodes normally hey what's up people call us the incredible duo the incredible duo that's not bad that's not bad at all I mean I'll take it I wouldn't mind I wouldn't mind at all sure if you want to cause the incredible duo we'll be called the incredible duo yeah yeah so what we

probably wouldn't argue with it certainly no I'm not gonna talk to anybody out of it no I mean I wouldn't you know get in front of the courts and hire a lawyer to freedom crackers and then kick him out of bed hey lawyer get in front of a court hire lawyers for any crackers and into my car Billy he's in the ocean he is in the ocean do you think it's the same Billy I think it is a kid this is a kid who's in the ocean and in the street yeah he's a kid in the ocean and Billy on the street these are the four Billy's the kid the kid ocean ocean goat on

the street on the street the four Billy's four Billy's this is a shirt this is what you think so I think so okay let's get the rights to do you think Billy Eichner's likeness has been trademarked at this point no I don't think so I get early and often I'm sure he is he is neglected to do that yeah it's it's too bad it's because he's a friend but this is this is show business this is t-shirt business and we have to decide right now on Mike mm-hmm the spelling of Billy's I think it's why s Billy's so it's up up top it's Billy's up top up top party in the back yeah up top party in the back right so Billy's with a y s and then

and then there's pictures I would imagine there's two it's two by two it's like a square yeah nose art style yeah sure you have two giraffes two elephants in one square all the animals every animal every single one it's and it's so the images are so small you have to really get up close to see what it is it's like that Jim Carrey poster for what was it what was the dude Truman show that was the original the poster of that movie and was made up of many little images many little images but it made one big Jim Carrey so it makes all like life we all make up one big yeah the many images of our lives make up one big Jim Carrey do

you are all in Jim Carrey's imagination he has a fertile imagination you have to agree oh absolutely you've seen his paintings sure yeah he's got a fertile and febrile imagination yeah now febrile that's a word I don't know it I know what it is but I don't know what it means okay let's look it up or let's ask Siri look it up Scotty look it up Siri what does febrile mean I found this on the web febrile means having or showing the symptoms of a fever oh shit oh no I think I'm a little febrile my nose is running she got exhausted with you asking so many times then she's like read it I tried to tell you twice now I'm just

telling you look it up on the web now now fish for life asshole by the way we have Kevin over here chef Kevin we have him over here we have him over here in the booth and he's texting me answers I don't want answers from the likes of you I want Siri to tell me Kevin what does febrile mean he wouldn't dare he would never why did we give him our numbers why did we give him our numbers he can contact us at any time no sometimes till I think he thinks I sleep with my phone by my bed because like in the middle of the night he'll text me boo with a ghost emoji oh so I don't say my phone my phone's not in the bedroom I see that

next morning it's not scary during the day where do you keep your phone in a safe yeah at the bank so every morning every morning you have to go down to the safety deposit box I get to go down to the safety deposit box and get my phone out of the bank and your jewelry and and all my costume jewelry my of my your costume jewelry it's worthless why do you keep it there to confuse the thieves Scott oh so they take that instead of your phone yes because you can only take so much stuff if you break into a safety deposit they see me wearing this gaudy jewelry about they think this guy must have he's loaded rich and I

think about the phone they think I have a phone I'm not gonna steal a phone everyone has a phone who needs it but I mean I want that jewelry exactly those pearls falling on the ground it's pearl because of Batman oh the mark of Zorro himself and then Joe chill came up and he shot us all you pounded on the table and is still reverberating I don't know whether people could hear I could hear like a powerful I'm trying to make the water glasses go Jurassic Park do you hear it now I do I thought I was like a noise from outside but it was no it's these it's these coils and everything the mighty stop doing it I'm trying to

send in it is fun you gotta admit Joe chill in retrospect it was probably a name that when they by the way Joe chill is the robber that shot Thomas and Martha Wayne the Batman's parents themselves when they picked it it was like chill like chilling or something but now it just sounds stupid like Joe chill is very relaxed guy he's so chill do you remember there was a Batman comic where Batman confronted Joe chill yeah years and years and oh yeah yeah ripped off his cowl it was like I was me how would he remember you created me like like all the guys he's killed over the years he's not gonna remember these well also in that

moment he's like I guess that's what he would look like I'll grown up I do similar eyes I guess nose is grown but then Batman did not kill him did he did he kill him no I as I recall the the writer wrote himself into a bit of a corner because that you know you can't just reveal yourself to be Batman and then there's Joe chill running around going hey Batman took off his mask you know that Bruce Wayne guy so I believe Joe chill had a heart attack at the site of Batman and realizing what he did and then passed away yeah sure wouldn't that be nice if people if people had heart attacks any time you took off

anything that would be nice just take off my clothes if you can suddenly whip off a scarf or something I mean with a heart attack excuse me while I whip this off every year we do this every year we do this if you've never asked by the way it's important to note no one ever asked us to do this I I do recall the first year yeah no one asked for it and then people said they kind of liked it but I think the second year we changed the format what was the old format well the first this is the original format I think we've done it 10 out of the 11 years but the second year someone convinced me to not rank the episodes

they just said like here are good moments from people or something like that so I don't you all of these by the way I believe are kept up for free they're not behind the paywall we keep the best of out there and a lot of people tell me that this is the first comedy bang bang episode that they have ever heard so let me explain what the show is madness it is sort of but I enjoyed let me over there huh it's the band madness where are they our house yeah I mean are we in the middle of the street believe we are Billy so the top the quads are yes all the animals including goats yes oh they're covered yeah Billy Eichner right

Billy Ocean right and then the kid and then the kid yeah and the kid is is is it a young kid named Billy like a child actor is there a child here let me ask here you can see re is there a young child actor named Billy like an elder I couldn't find exactly what you were looking for but I did find some of their selections with young and child oh oh siri siri whose name is Billy siri belay that order I don't want any of those popping up on my search forms you're everything you're saying is turning up on my screen siri whose name is Billy siri believe that order I don't want any siri whose name is Billy

all right fun with siri this is a whole show in and of itself fun with siri we should do this as a show stitcher premium we just ask siri things all day yeah comedy bang bang is a show it started in 2009 we just had our 10th anniversary this year and essentially what it is is I'm the host Scott Ackerman and I have I'm the guest Paul if Tom yes currently and this is what we do we talk to guests and this is the best of us by the way or where we put aside the childish things childish things in the veil of dishonesty that hangs over the show during the normal year oh fiddling with that Mike fiddling with that

worry about it well it's making noise well I'm trying to do things to do it silently and every show I is normally a combination of speaking to actors and comedians people in show business and they are playing themselves and then we also have comedians on who play different characters and we don't say that during the show we just introduced the comedians as whatever characters they're playing and so some people don't listen to the best of us for the first episode and they drop in and they think that these people are real people but the show

is not meant to be it's not like a Phil Henry thing where that it were pranking anyone it's just the last time somebody thought that one of the characters was a real person it happens a lot actually it happened quite a bit with still yeah Kevin's over here nodding his head instead of texting us for a change we just get text yes wait a whole second Kevin texted me a video it's notting yes people still yes Queen people still get confused a little bit I heard a lot especially with your you do a character occasionally the famous director and now actor Werner Herzog that's right from the Mandalorian you've done this for

several years on the show and people have listened to the show and thought that it was the real Werner Herzog and the real Werner Herzog was very funny and they were like wow he's a really funny guy yeah but it is you doing an impression and that and that happens quite a bit I would think that the show is so ridiculous that people would understand that people are just fucking around with it but we fool him we got him I drag him here's the thing I love getting these people yes oh when I realized they got they fell for it but that is not what the show is about we're not here trying to prank people it's just a just a happy

accident an improvisational show where comedians come on we never discuss what we're going to talk about beforehand it's all just in the moment and these conversations come up and we never know where they're gonna go and and occasionally they descend into madness madness they call it madness that's man this is theme song did menace have a song yeah they did man yeah madness madness they call it madness don't do that madness madness what other bands have had theme songs about themselves the monkeys obviously mm-hmm hey hey we are the etc you have let's go down to Beatles town let's get down to Beatles town

we're the Beatles who are cladding around you have general public bad company although bad company that wasn't really a theme song as much as they were singing about the concept of bad company is that true yeah well is madness singing about the band madness or the concept of madness I think they're singing about the concept of madness the monkeys were definitely saying about themselves we are the monkeys yes hey hey there aren't a lot of bands who have done that no we are the monkeys and Herman's Hermits we are Herman's Hermits and we all live in a cave you don't get out much he's a gorophobic and that's why we live here

didn't rhyme a bit of it that's a very interesting I wish more songs were that length your favorite song comes on it's like oh I love this song but then it just drags on for two or three minutes I like every song for two minutes and then any over like I love it and then 201 I'm like I hate that you still doing here songs are like guests and fish mm-hmm they expire after three days is that what the saying is I like them both black yes and fish and songs black guests and I love the movie blackfish blackfish oh Oriental City back of my neck getting dirty and gritty by the way you don't have to be 50 years old to enjoy this

you just are you just you're in control you don't have to listen to this if you don't want to you just are listening to it so every year Paul and I gather around the holidays time and it truly is around the holidays time they're undisputable under I mean snow is on the ground jack Frost that'll hold crafty weather wizard himself you know Jason you're back right I love Christmas it's with Lenny Kravitz when the whole dong you a log comes out jingle bells etc that's another by gosh by golly that's another song jingle bells goes on too long that's another song jingle bells how about a happy birthday another one another one

national anthem now there's that song it's like we have enough songs how many songs do we need I could believe when the alphabet went up to 26 letters ah but that's the thing songs these days and now every song that comes out they're getting sued for being a different song we're out of songs we're out of we're out of songs just enough at this point we should say we have enough songs let's just cycle through and make you know different ones look Mariah Carey just happened this week her a 25 year old song is now the number one song in America that's what we should do just like go back for through old songs that didn't

reach number one say this is the most popular that's all enough to devote drink and fuck and rent a car yeah finally all enough to rent a car how old do you have to be legally to have sex well depends where you're from and depends on with whom hey hey who la la sex but that's a shirt who la la sex absolutely absolutely absolutely who la la everything I think I could say that on a belt buckle who la la sex this person's impressed I mean let's I think we forget that it is it is so sexy it's like we're so used to and sexy things guys like us we're used to it right yeah it's all the time we have wives sure yeah you're constantly having

sex with every day it's like yeah why it becomes commonplace I buy the cow yeah when you can instead have sex with your wife I between the two I much rather have sex with my wife then go through the the hassle of buying a cow buying a cow there's not having sex with it yes what if you bought a cow and you could never have sex with your wife again and you couldn't have sex with a cow either because that's BCL you do that yeah the cow can't consent exactly what if cows could consent what if you taught you know those those horses that like clump on the ground in order to say so that's we can teach horses to consent to

things one for yes you for no we proved we can teach horses consent proven we that horses can understand English and answer our questions thoughtfully so we can answer they can answer binary questions thoughtfully we can have sex with horses those are the that's the one they can say if they can send to it yes you have to go you sweet talk that horse give it a little bit of peanut butter hey you look gorgeous your hair you're nude mind if I join you there's a shirt right there a horse you're and above it says you're nude and underneath mind if I join you that's not a bad shirt these are good shirt ideas for the

holidays sure well I see money from these shirts oh I mean we'll talk about that certainly between the lawyers we'll get our lawyers involved between the lawyers is that your next movie your next movie fuck turn around me so I know because you between two firsts was your last movie it's true that was my last picture what movies have you been in I can name them all for you okay Aquaman Aquaman the King of this heavy seas all seven I love how he gets around to all seven of them can we name them yeah Atlantic Ocean Pacific Ocean Pacific Ocean Indian Ocean Dead Sea Baltic Sea Baltic Sea of Japan wait no they're all

oceans right are the seven see no the seven seas there are seven oceans oh god we're stupid well there but they also call the ocean the sea okay so the Baltic seven separate from the Pacific and Atlantic Ocean right okay what's the difference between a sea and an ocean a sea is included this is all like rudimentary seventh grade geography I don't know I just know when I see it like pornography what hey Siri what's the difference between an ocean and a sea and by the way don't give me those pictures of young children you'll need to unlock your iPhone first haha right hey Siri what's the difference between an ocean and

a sea I found this on the web Siri what's the difference between Associate Tennessee that's what I thought I said so see it's Tennessee yeah Siri what's the difference between an ocean and a sea a sea is smaller seas are smaller than oceans are usually located where the land and the ocean meet that's cute typically seas are partially enclosed by land or is the land partially enclosed by the sea well that's like is it a rabbit or a duck yeah that's true usually it's a rabbit is it a hag or a beautiful young lady yeah is it a six or a nine 69 up top all right so we do this every year we literally every year we do

this and I know we have not gotten to these best of clips and and I have not even finished describing what happens on this is part of the fun this is part of the fun every year you the voters vote on your favorite episodes of the year we put out approximately 60 per year and you the voters then take a look at all these episodes tabulated in your mind vote for your top 10 favorites out of all the 60 and we then rank them well we don't rank them they come out ranked I rank you're ranking them separately so you've ranked all these episodes no wonder you're in so many of them so every year we go we run through the top

episodes of the year we hear clips from them episodes and we discuss them and it's a lot of fun and we do this in four different long ass episodes with long ass clips and look no one's getting paid for this except Scott I do this for free because I love the show okay what what all right what do you mean I don't know I don't understand what I say any noises I don't know why you're saying that on Mike certainly well because I'm very transparent Scott you are incredibly transparent right now yeah you're like the invisible man I wish I could be translucent yeah that's nice I think I like that word mm-hmm I think

it's a pretty word it is very pretty it's a lot prettier than Vermillion I'll tell you that much oh mr. Horn God rest him he died you know mr. David Horn mr. David T. Horn do you think that he's down in hell and has horns no wait do you think like he's in charge when you think only the devil himself gets horns the guy in charge yeah I think that when you're down there burning in hell they give they throw you a bomb what they why would they give you horns so you could go stick them up someone else's bum no I don't think so I don't think I think you're there to be punished you're there exclusively to be punished this is your

Catholicism by the way it's true it's true I believe I believe in a hell where when you get down there they give you some hordes and say hat look you're here to be tortured but have some fun hell every man will have horns if you don't know what we're talking about with Vermillion that is a story for another day and it has been told on a different show I would imagine that was a different day or this show I don't it might have been this show it might have been during the during the best I was in a previous year wow we'll run through them all we'll run through Vermillion mr. microphone commercial I mean the

Simpsons we don't have a song this year we don't have a song to sing but we perhaps will be hearing some music so every year we hear these clips and we count them down from a number which changes every year this year it's going to be 15 we'll hear our top 15 episodes of the year what was it last year probably 1340 it always is like 12 13 14 15 16 somewhere why do you do this do what you change the number why do you do it um what do you just love it has to do with the presentation of it what I think we'll make a good episode which you know clips would make it would be good and I have no say you have no saying it

because I like and long-time listeners know that Paul F. Tompkins is surprised every year by the episodes which get on to the best ofs and which also in what order they appear well I'm I'm a very petulant yes I'm very vermilion translucent oh if only I hope you're not just saying that I would love for you to be translucent someday thank you I hope that at least after you pass on you somehow become translucent I hope it's in the coffin yes for my funeral though people can come up and see me and say he's translucent look at the bottom of that coffin and the bottom on Paul F.

Tompkins right yeah cuz I'll be face down as Prince said please put me my coffin sleeper and I want I want a full showing I want people to come and look at me yeah yes what has that ever happened in a funeral do you think we're like the first person gets up there is like what did why did they put the person face down yeah I'm sure and did they talk to someone and say hey hey could you turn him over here you can look at him here's for her you would think it was a mistake or her by the way or her you think when JLo dies she'll she'll want to be face down yeah look everyone wants to see this right even in

death even in this everyone wants to see this what would you say these that these cakes these cakes these cakes boss that is a character that Paul F. Tompkins does and took him out of retirement on the live episodes that we did this year we did about I think we did 12 or so shows this year out there in the world and we'll be hearing the top one episode of those as well we had a separate poll where people voted on the live episodes in which were their favorites and we'll be hearing the number one episode that everyone shows in addition to these top 15 episodes very interesting very interesting yeah RIP Artie Johnson very

interesting very interesting when did Artie Johnson pass away I think either this year or last year yeah yeah yeah talk about between two ferns he would peek out he would peek out in a helmet what he was a Nazi this was laughing which was an insane show and Artie Johnson during the 60s Goldie Han was on it the rest Roan and Martin of course Ro of course Roan and Martin they put themselves in the title two funniest guys in the world and then Ruth Buzzy was on there sure Alan Seuss Richard Nixon Henry Gibson Richard Nixon was a lot of people they've all seen the episode the clip where he first came on said socket

to me but a lot of people don't know people loved him so much he was a cast member for the next three years yeah it was like when Obama did between two ferns yeah he hung he said I want to do more stuff I have more time I want to be dancing in the party scene and so yeah he's there in the movie yeah he's a bat he's a background artist in the movie yeah by the way I if you're if this is your first episode of comedy bang bang little plug up here at the top I directed a movie this year called the between two ferns no between two ferns the movie little plug and that's available on Netflix and I would like

people to watch it so please go watch it's got put the little plug into your brain and Paul of Tompkins is featured in the movie it is his his final movie say featured you're featured here's the movies I was in Jack Frost okay voice only in Magnolia yeah I remember that but you but you shot your side of the conversation did you not and they only used your voice yes I did tenacious Dean the pick of destiny okay there will be blood there will be blood you're in approximately four seconds of that or so between two ferns that's it animated oh animated sure that yeah the movie tangled tangled you have a great

part entangled or did you also segue into the series of tangled also in the TV show as well I have to watch tangled it's a beautiful looking show yeah I got to see that is it on Disney now beautiful yes he says with authority certainly knowing the I think anything with Disney it is automatically on Disney I hope so yeah I'll check that out anyway some great films oh a discography that has lasted no filmography rather there's a lot of disc and they are all on digital video disc but has spanned two decades archival footage in run runny run what year was Jack Frost your first film 98

or 99 so two decades an incredible career that's spent two decades and five films one every four years or so yeah incredible and it takes a long time to make a film I think that's it wasn't anything else I think I don't know hold on Siri has Paul F. Tompkins ever been in a movie so rude this might be what you're looking for heckler let me take care of this Siri am I in any movies here are some movies here are some movies well by the way let's see Queen and Slim not in that they shall not grow old not in that's dark waters no black Christmas no national imposed Christmas vacation midway 21 bridges I'm not any

of these Siri just said this might be what you're looking for and brought me the movie heckler jizzy entertainment oh heckler was a movie I tricked into being Michael Addis is the director yes he tricked me how did he trick you did he answer your three questions he said it was a movie about a documentary that was about heckling but then the movie was really about Jamie Kennedy going up to people who gave his movies bad reviews and saying why'd you do that because reviews are not heckles it's a professional agreement that we enter into when we make things that people who have jobs with major publications well

wonderful we well wonderful I believe we have to get to our first clip are we ready to do this I'm ready you're ready I'm ready I'm definitely ready as I said we are going to be counting down the top 15 plus one live episode and let's get to it this is episode 15 okay episode 15 here's what you got to know yeah okay you're setting me up so I can knock them down episode 15 is episode 606 and it is called it is from June 17th by the way summer summer and it is called treasure hunting with Silver Sun pickups I remember this episode you remember this episode Paul because you are in this episode I saved the role of Brock

love it you certainly did now let's talk about this Silver Sun pickups are a band here from Silver Lake and great people who are also fans of this show and listen to it regularly and wanted to be on the show and they came in the you can hear them in this clip they are talking a lot during it and I don't that sounds bad like they're talking a lot I want people are talking over it no I want people to talk a lot so that is a good thing yeah it's a show it is a show and an audio medium where people need to talk a lot otherwise it would be long stretches of silence so I'm grateful to them for coming I've also heard that they

and I just got a message that they want to come and do characters on the show no really yes so do people want to hear this let maybe let's have them on in 2020 doing characters I'll be the musical guest musical guest Paul of Tomkins that also happened to me on the television show Joe Jonas who's a nice young man who is one of the one-third of the Jonas brothers the musical act and perhaps one-fourth of the Jonas brothers the people he came on the television show and he wanted to come back and do a character at some point and then the show ended before he could well I have a story to tell you about him off

Mike oh good I'd love to hear it this so in this episode I should say this it's very mild for anyone who's listening very racy wants to know what the nose the it's mild oh okay it's not spicy do you think mild is spicy because that would explain anytime that I order a burrito and they say what kind of sauce do you want I'm like oh give me mild I guess oh too spicy I love mild it's so spicy so in this episode Silver Sun pickups are themselves and Nikki and Brian are they're talking they also played acoustic songs and then we're gonna hear three different clips and in the first clip Paul here is playing Brock Lovett who is

a treasure hunter and we'll actually I believe hear a lot about what his particulars are but this is a character that you based upon Bill Paxton the actor well I based it upon a character that Bill Paxton played right it's vocally based upon Bill Paxton this is a made-up guy yeah and I it's a great workaround if you haven't you've an impression of someone but they're not alive anymore you can do a character yes yeah is that how did you start doing him around the house or what how did you yeah yeah yeah I here's what happens I wake up every morning after I get my phone out of the bank I come back home

and I said this is like a three-hour process yes my wife is just waking up when I get back with the phone and I say the begs don't open until 9 a.m. what time does she wake up noon noon okay all right so I say honey I shrunk the kids first I first that unpleasant news every morning we haven't talked about your whole shrinking ray no that's like for you I don't like to talk about we don't get in that but after that after I deliver that blow I say honey whom shall I be today and she'll name character she'll name actors if she names a dead actor I say can I have the cheat and she says yes the hall pass I

call it for you to do an impression of a dead actor yes and so that means I can use a character that they have portrayed wonderful and so she did that she said that to you she was like I'm in the mood for a little Bill Paxton today and I said would you accept Brock love it his character from Titanic and she said all pass you got her boyfriend and so then what happened you just go around the house doing him or have to do it all day all day all day so every day you're a different person for my wife for my wife so Brock love it we'll hear about what he not only his history but also what he is up to now and then we are going to

hear from the comedian Jess McKenna Jessica McKenna as she is perhaps professionally known perhaps who could say who could well Siri could say but I don't want to waste any more time she plays the character of Park Ranger Marjorie Kershaw who I believe she started doing this character because she Jessica knows a ton about national parks yes she does she's very fascinated by national parks and it really does and incorporates all of that knowledge into a character who is a Park Ranger at these national parks so we're gonna hear three different clips from this episode this is your number 15

Brock love it welcome Brock where's Brock oh sorry I'm sorry I'm late oh hi Brock sorry I introduce you without you being in the room but I I looked to my right and you were not there I'm so sorry I saw a puddle in your lobby and I was investigating it for treasure okay I can understand that I did not find you know yeah I I should have asked but a good interviewer would do a follow-up I extremely suggest you get better at interview thank you very much it's only your second time on the show and you just started this second time I don't know last time you let me ramble on like an idiot you could have told me way

sooner that there was a movie called Titanic let me catch people up where the cord of the mayor was thrown into the ocean right some old lady that I had to listen to for hours if you have not heard Brock's previous step episode he is a treasure hunter who dives down deep into the bodies of water triple D baby dives dived down D and you call it a triple D I call it a triple D yeah which is outputting let's go gang we're gonna triple D right are there any women on your crew or yes some okay don't be so yeah thank you for the second time to ding now when you were on the show last time you talked about the court delamere

or delamere which is the heart of the ocean the heart of the ocean this necklace that you were in search of necklace so dismissive well it's it's precious treasure it's precious treasure that you had been in search of for several years several years and you did not know that there was a movie called Titanic which had a fictionalized version of you it was hidden for me people went out of their way to hide this from me where Rose is at her name yeah the old woman the old woman rose she rose whom in real life you would be friended yeah she hid the fact from she became one of my best friends she hit the

fact from you that she threw that necklace into the ocean yeah and then they captured that on film that she had it the whole time while you were talking to her you had a long conversation with her yeah she could have opened her her flowery shirt and shown you her her decolletage well in the movie I believe she was oh the movie again you don't have to ask me how I know something it's all in the movie well but I'm talking about my real life was she wearing then just wearing a flowery top all right are you happy I'm happy I'm normally pretty happy true no never so you you found all this out did you go

back and watch the movie since you're the last episode that you did oh yeah I did you did it's a three-hour approximately 180 minutes I mean this is like you know three and a half Silver Sun pickups four hours did it why did you keep pausing it and going to the bathroom yeah I kept doing that what not not even to relieve myself for anything sometimes I just pause it go to the bathroom just stand out in there just stand in there and think that treasure wouldn't even turn the light on always think about treasure do you ever are you ever in your rescue yeah no one ever sees it that

way good for me for always thinking about you ever in your restroom you're like let me just reach down into the toilet see if they're in the drain I've been down that road I finally trained myself to realize no one's coming in and putting treasure in it's my it's my bathroom no one's never leave a little treasure in there if you know what I mean I don't know what you mean oh I'm talking about taking a huge dump yeah thank you Nikki that's not treasure well one one I like to joke about a lot of stuff treasures one thing I don't you do not like to do not apologize I apologize I hunt it you see I do know

that about you so you saw the movie what was your reaction to it didn't like it yeah I can imagine didn't like it beyond beyond just the parts where they were truly concealing from me things that had happened made a fool out of me sure I don't know I just thought it was corny it was a romance movie that's fine but do you have romance in your life I mean sure I do who are you seeing anyone I was seeing the roses granddaughter you were for a while yeah I don't remember I don't recall I think that I was George a class George a class Brady Bunches treasure Brady Bunches treasure it's TV treasure that's right

so you didn't like how did you feel about the portrayal Bill what's his name Bill Paxton yeah he's the rest in peace resty he's no longer with us it how did you feel about his portrayal of your I mean just listening to you and seeing that movie I think it's pretty close I thought well I guess I thought he was you know he did a good job with what he was given right he's physically he's a lot different than you yeah that's right he's way shorter I mean one of the things that makes me a great treasure hunter is I'm almost seven feet tall so if there's ever an ocean that's eight feet tall like you're able to reach down in there

yeah no problem yeah eight feet tall ocean are they always deep or are they sometimes tall no they're tall there's like that's a really tall ocean that's treasure hunter lingo and that's how they hunt mostly they just take their long arms and dive into the it's a lot of read that's where it starts as you just reach in the water move your hand first Trevor obviously it was a doubloon of course where were you and how old were you and why were you and when were you it was Detroit Michigan Detroit Michigan what bodies of water around there I the Great Lakes the Great Lakes of course yeah so it was at one of the

Great Lakes it was at one of the Great Lakes which one was Michigan Lake of course that tracks and we were there on vacation my family yeah so wait so you were you young or were you married at the time which family your parents or your wife my parents your parents yeah how old were you I was seven years old okay and I've reached my hand into the the shortest part of Lake Michigan sure how tall were you then because I mean when did your growth spurt I was five nine you're five and seven years old wow okay and I reached my hand in the short part of the lake the south side the south side that's right you've been there the

short side sure and I came up with a shiny doubloon wow a doubloon who had left it there I guess some Spanish galleon was to sunk in Lake Michigan wow amazing and that was the only one that was there or did you try to scoop out anymore or I tried to scoop out some more but I was cruelly ripped away from the lake by my parents no I didn't believe in treasure did you not show them this doubloon of course I did my father cast it back into the lake into the tall part no the tall part I was never gonna get it's probably still there oh probably the end of respect I've never gone back and look it might still be

there no I'm sure it is oh my goodness why did you I would have heard about it another treasure hunter absconded with you guys keep up with each other all you treasure hunters and how many are there out there we keep tabs on each other how many treasure hunters are there probably eight million wow wow it's a big community yeah that could yeah that's my goodness that's a way bigger now are there imagine yeah are there rankings like are you everyone's equal leaderboards okay in the eyes of all other treasure hunters that's right you are all whether you are a very successful treasure hunter or you just can't catch

a break right all out there doing the same thing sticking our arms in the water and try to get um Scott no it's so good to see you I did start my parkdom at pinnacles national park in California right yes and I like the applause reminding me of the pinnacles which look like the jazz hands of the earth but then as you recall I was transferred to the least visited park yeah I did not recall thank you for reminding me oh no I'm that's for the listeners as you recall I was transferred to the gates of the Arctic where no very few very few visitors that's one of the least attended parts

least attended part it's the very bottom of the list that's right okay but good news Scott I got another hot transfer you oh congratulations yeah it's great just in time for summer where are you now your home Marjorie she's down at dry tortugas try tortugas I guess I don't know that dry tortugas I might be on board already oh well he likes things sopping wet especially treasure well we are surrounded by water we're part of an archipelago oh as you know as you will recall is a collection of islands of course yeah that was for the listener Scott can they recall can I ask in these archipelago's have you ever seen the

glint or the gleam or the glistening of gold well you know this area it was originally discovered well that's a loaded word found by a from someone from the west yeah Ponce de Leon and there's so many yeah that's right I didn't want to get ahead of myself but you know legends of shipwrecks and then in the likes so all those treasure game big name in the treasure game I have learned all this because there's not though I have a slide up to still not a ton of visitors to dry tortugas there's still really how well it's hard to get to where exactly is it I'm trying to imagine in Key West but you kind of have to be on

there's like a one ferry or you can take your own boat or a sea plane to only get about 50,000 those are the only ways to access that's right but we're a big hot spot for diving snorkeling or people who want to visit unfinished fortresses that were used as prisons during the Civil War I can only yeah I can only imagine unfinished prisons there's probably a lot of treasure on these would be less depressing I guess to visit an unfinished prison yeah yeah well it did hold prisoners but the fortress isn't finished oh I see okay like we were like oh no the Civil Wars happening this is good enough yeah so not only were they

in prisons but they they had to reside in a place that was unfinished that they were constantly looking around brother fighting brother does the name mean dry turtle the tortugas does mean turtle yeah so I guess it's well you know we the fort our party is dry well I thought it was like three like Einstein dry oh I was thinking oh that would be what that if we had it what is that hat that's German the three oh my gosh so if half of our name was German and the other half was Spanish yeah well it sounds like a clue it might be it feels like a treasure clue like mixing two languages like that yeah so what are your duties now at the

new place I mean thank you for asking oh you're quite welcome wow literally is my job but I always appreciate you thank you thank you for one of our most polite guess well as you know Scott I'm sure you know or your listeners were called the dry tortugas we don't sell any beverages or food so okay it's very hard to camp there is that to keep the turtles dry yeah I gotta keep those turtles are people allowed to bring their own in they are Scott and that is encouraged so that they don't go hungry or thirsty and you know you don't want to get into one of these situations where you think you can say it with me

drink this has that ever happened to you Brock you ever drink just a big gullet full of salt water I mean not on purpose yeah but I mean when you're down there in the deep I can only imagine that sometimes I'd be dead I think if I was way down the deep the bends yeah I've gotten the bends it's kind of great yeah it's very euphoric it's raptures that's what they call raptures of the deep oh you know and is that right is that the clue that you're about to die yeah cuz that's I experienced this when I was at the gates of the Arctic when I almost froze to death when I was just doing my rounds oh right and one of the

last things that happens is you strip off your clothes and run naked euphorically I was doing that I thankfully was rescued by the only other employee but embarrassing to explain my lower back tattoo oh what is down what is down there if I may be so oh it just says it just says proud Methodist but as you know I don't like to talk about it I believe in a separation in tribal I am a federal employee so please don't ask me about my faith I do believe in a separation of church and state but my lower back tattoo says proud Methodist right so if someone while you were on the job were to come up to you and ask you

any sort of religious question I would say thank you so much for your interest but I cannot answer any of these questions for I'm currently on the clock as a federal employee and though I do have a deep-seated faith I do believe in a separation of church and state would you slip them your card in order to call you off hours oh that's a good idea Scott I'd like to have a card just so I feel more official as you question of course how often are people asking you religious questions at the gate well at the gates of the Arctic I got it a lot because because they were looking at the vastness of our landscapes and sort of

wondering about the marvels of the universe a lot of God searching there makes sense and the pinnacles almost none because I was too busy talking about bees and then now at the dry tortugas sort of a midpoint because people are seeking treasure some it's some some who seek treasures seek it of a mental clarity I guess that's a true from a higher plane you don't feel that as a treasure yeah well I like to keep things clean self-care you know what I mean yeah I mean the kingdom of heaven that must have a lot of ethereal treasure oh I was told there was a lot of real treasure up

so then why aren't you committing suicide like immediately I mean that's why why rush it there's plenty of treasure here on earth to find all right what kind of a thing is that to say is so I'm just wondering can I ask you can I ask you because this is how I feel when I'm exploring why don't you commit suicide I don't think I've ever asked to guess that I hope I hope you won't ask anyone else I'm glad I was here to see that um this might be neither here nor there and maybe too late and I don't want to I don't want to open up these wounds but have you watched um the alternate ending

at the titanic no what so on the dvd or something there's an alternative on the dvd there is um some there are what's what happens I watched it on vhs three tapes yeah that's uh that's right it's a long it's a long one um bill paxton actually finds her before she drops it in and says stop stop stop and then holds it in his hand and says you're right I never got it until now and then he he throws it in or he gives it back and he's like yeah I didn't let the stories get to me did that actually happen this make my blood water no it didn't happen what are you talking about did you get permission so why would he film it I guess it's just some of that hollywood bullshit I just think you know

it might be worth seeing if that feels closer but there is a version where and it kind of retroactively makes you understand why bill paxton acts in that movie like the movie is about his arc okay because he has a resolution there is a resolution of him understanding that maybe treasure maybe sometimes treasure should not be right his singular pursuit of the treasure made him forget that a lot of souls were lost at sea you don't feel that way well honestly my biggest gripe with the film is they shifted the focus off of treasure hunting yeah I agree so you might get a whole extended flashback I don't care if people fucked in a car I agree oh come on you don't do that in the shower try to make that steam hand be y'all

cute by yourself see if you can make it look exactly like the steam hand everyone's done that of course yes only when you're by yourself the only thing interesting about them fucking in that car was that it was on a boat yeah a car on a boat what do you think about that I admit that's pretty rare yeah hat in the hat right yeah hat in the hat the children's story wow you know marjorie I come to think of it uh you know if you ever wanted to transfer uh and find a new job you could maybe work for a Brock over here in his underground treasure hall oh you could be pointing out the different treasures you can do warm warm people away from diving into the doubloon pool it'd be very exciting for these people to the giant penny that would be so you

would find a giant penny like that man you didn't even talk about that did you know what asked me about it did you find it in a different underground cave yeah I did was there was there a robin costume in a glass case down there like a bird no no like a red and green and yellow costume had a big r on it okay never mind this had a giant penny playing cards what about a dinosaur there was a dinosaur okay yeah I assume that was dinosaur just got trapped this is a different guys cave yeah wow I am uh it would be hard for me to leave the park system Scott I do love it very much well you wouldn't be able to talk about religion I would imagine because oh man we love talking about religion on the boat well that's that could that could be good but I could also just

try to get stationed at like Big Bend National Big Bend National Park not Big Bend no no that's totally that's not national that's no no that's international and that's uh just that's a big old clock is what that is big right that's a big clock you're not interested in that huge clock no no I'm more interested in the natural wonders of the world so that's again why this treasure might not be such a perfect although Mount Rushmore is a man made wonder but not a national park Scott a national monument and I guess carved out as she shut you down again in your face oh man it's just my job to gently know about parks which ones they are well some facts about them Brock how much would you pay for uh salary wise for someone to do that for you it could be a nice

kind of weekend gig for me I could you know do it on Saturdays and Sundays if I could get transferred to Big Bend I'd be willing to match your salary from the national parks whoa just for the weekends yeah and benefits so you'd make double the money no wait I mean for like oh we pro rate it yeah oh I'm not gonna give you like just what you make for your full-time job that's what it sounded like well that's what it sounded like you rock you Scott guys guys guys you know relax every once a while a guest will come on here who's just an irritating jerk are you out of your mind what listen to the shit that you've said to me how dare you you can't handle the truth thank you I don't know who you were talking to me or him yeah who yeah no one can't love that in the air

no one can handle the guys are just yelling so I just said something so you wanted to yell right to me it felt right number one five all right here's my filmography 1998 jack frost I played audience member 1999 magnolia I played Chad from seduce and destroy voice 2000 I played sal in sham 2002 safari guy in TV in the movie run Ronnie run some of these are just shorts so I'm not gonna anchor man legend Ron Burgundy 2004 cat fashion show emcee then they did an alternate version of anchor man called wake up Ron Burgundy the lost movie and they used an alternate take of my same performance then we go on to I'm excluding shorts tenacious D in the pick of destiny 2006 played the open

mic host then there will be blood 2007 where I of course uh saved the role of Prescott then I guess I was in the informant in 2009 I played FBI special agent Anthony D'Angelo a person who actually existed I had another voice role in the 2010 movie drones I played jayf and let's see Disney Tangled 2010 I played short thug that's right and then then there's some things that I didn't realize that I was in like they made a oh Jason Nash is married 2014 dr glenn that was a web series that got edited into a movie does it count I don't know then kill me deadly from 2015 I played Jaime and my status is listed as rumored well I can

confirm that rumor I was in it then the thrilling adventure hour concert film from 2015 I played the role of Frank Doyle then I was in a movie called hell and back I played an annoyed lost soul who's a voice role I came out in 2015 hey yeah what's up have you come back from the clip without me yeah I was just uh reading my filmography these are the movies that I've been oh okay how long have you been doing that uh since you've been gone okay did we miss any in the uh when when you missed a few we missed a few what are we excluding shorts I'm just feature length do you think Kevin Smith makes a jort films you like that one

it really surprised but also I remembering his his shorts that weren't like just above his ankle anyway 2019 I played burnt me a payday in between two ferns that was burnt millipede it's spelled millipede but it's pronounced me a payday I did not know that that's also the name of my character on um the neighborhood listen podcast and that's all my movies so which are the I was out of the room uh certainly not doing what anything weird well certainly not but what were the ones that we missed we can you read there's a few the anchor man of course oh yes the informant oh right oh yeah you miss some big you miss like your biggest one missing biggies all right well

look that was a great uh clip and series of clips was it not it was a great clip and series of clips very funny stuff um all right we need to go to a break when we come back we are going to have your number 14 on the countdown this is exciting we are uh one episode in I think we've been going an hour all right we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this be for the sea baby the comedy bang bang we are back with the best of 2019 part one of four this is the first episode of uh four that we will be doing and uh we just heard the number 15 uh on the countdown and uh it's hard it's hard to beat that one it is hard but I believe we'll beat it approximately 14 more times uh this is a good concept for a movie by the way a guy who is his only allowed a certain

number of masturbations and when he gets a certain number of masturbations and when it's gotta be the title by the way a certain a certain number of masturbations Eddie Murphy and Eddie Murphy by the coward Robert Ford um all right let's get to it uh this is your episode 14 all right episode number 14 is actually episode 614 well then why did you say it was episode 14 that's a you were 600 off we should at some point do a maybe when the show ends uh in a couple months uh we'll we'll we'll uh do a best of where people vote on all time episodes that would be fun Jesus and we'll rank every single one of the episodes and so there will be like literally a number oh my god I don't want to be on the very dead last one

which I know I will be um this is episode uh 614 from august 12th and summer this is an episode entitled bean dip and randy snuts return that's what I said oh boy now this is uh this was an episode to promote the HBO look I was going to say television series but it's not tv it's HBO so that was a close one whoo I would be excommunicated from show business had I said that defrocked but this was to promote the HBO series the righteous gemstones which came out this year and was very very funny and uh and perhaps even more than funny uh touching and dramatic and cool I would say as well and they're just funny and okay yeah it was fine um but uh three of the stars came on this show and uh we have of course adam divine who whom people know from uh sitting right in front

of his name workaholics and pitch perfect as well as the righteous gemstones now like he signed his name add dumb divine ad umb divine right okay it's a joke so did adam scott he changed his name to add dumb scott who do you think did it first it's hard to tell it's really hard to tell because none of them put uh by the way this is a parody of the other persons what if weird I don't even had a date but what if what if weird out did that this is a parody of the other person weird al did that in his songs by the way this is a parody of it was in the title that then he wouldn't have to pay the rights yeah fair use we heard a story about somebody who produced a well-known person who produced a comedy show you don't say comedy special no

and included in the comedy show were a number of song parodies for which they did not get the rights to the songs right and then somebody pointed out to them after it was all shot hey you didn't get did you get the rights to these songs and they said no and they said well you need to get the rights it's like but they're parodies yes but you still need to get the rights well weird al doesn't get the rights and then somebody had to say yes he does so none of those songs ended up in the comedy special weird what a weird story yeah um so and how would we know whom that is about uh there's no way to tell because I could just watch comedy specials that don't have parody songs it could be any of them it's probably

John Mulaney although his new one by the way coming out very soon and maybe perhaps even out right now uh not at press time certainly but probably does have parody songs so uh who knows um but um probably probably does I would say it probably does why would you say it probably I think it has music in it maybe not parody songs yeah I don't know I uh I don't know quite what the format is but uh it's like a anyway we're getting wildly off topic uh also tim balton edie Patterson from the righteous gems gemstones who play boyfriend and girlfriend in that show uh so funny in the show um they also were there so this is now edie and tim have been on the show quite a bit edie uh has always played a character called bean dip uh every every single time she's

been on the show she's plays bean dip and tim plays a lot of different characters um tim is someone that we got to know on the television show that is a television show not an HBO show that's right but julie dollar properties which paul f tompkins here was uh headed up the cast and tim tim uh was also in the cast number one on the call sheet and uh number three tim was number three was he really who was two again tony newson tony she's my if anything should happen to me she would become number one on the call sheet and we pray something does not happen to you but if I pray every day but if it does we should look to tony first I every day I wake up before I go get my phone from the bank I pray please don't let anything happen to me I like life and life likes me so um on this

episode first of the three of them talked about the righteous gemstones for a while and then uh edie came on as this character bean dip who is an insane person and then uh and we will hear her in the clip and then uh the second clip we will hear when tim comes on he is playing uh randy snuts who is a recurring character that he has done on the show I think based on a person he knew from childhood and uh has a very unique way of talking and uh a unique vocabulary scandalous uh scandalous behavior so we will be hearing uh two different clips from this episode this is your episode 14 number one four we have a guest on the show that uh has been on a few times before and she hasn't been on uh in uh a minute I don't know where she's been but uh wait a minute but she uh uh is uh as

far as I can recall she was the owner of uh the w hotel wow that's why on the w hotel she's an entrepreneur she has several side hustles going on please welcome back to the show uh bean dip hey everybody everybody hey bean dip do I call you bean or bean dip you could call me bean dip or bean miss it missus dip or miss dip calling missus dip or miss dip or bean or bean dip doesn't sound like you're particular yeah any of those names hey just don't call me ma'am don't call you ma'am okay why would uh uh does that have some uh connotations for you I'm trying to make friends with people I'm not trying to be formal I'm trying to be friends on a on a peer level I'm not trying to be like oh hi sir hi ma'am go eat the dick okay okay yeah I get that by the way this is adam

bean dip I know we know each other you guys know each other I stayed at a lot of w so we've ran into each other in the lobbies oh always now you just own the Los Angeles one though I own a Los Angeles w yeah and I stay there I don't I don't like to sometimes I'm like I don't want to stay in my house I have a little staycation I got it and then I go down to the w and uh can we talk about how hard it is to find a light switch in a w we can talk about it but we're not gonna do nothing about it because I need those lights damn when we let's get real out out of the box trying to act like oh everything's cool I go to the w sometimes when he comes there we keep the lights low and we kiss you guys have kissed before we've only kissed the one time it's not a big deal it's not a regular

thing that we do that it was just one time just the one one time if it's two that's a regular thing about being is the sexuality that she possesses it's it's off the charts through the roof yeah to the moon and back it's to the moon and back and was this part of being I remember uh one of your kind of side gigs that you had was you were you were kissing people for money that's right for money and I get yes I make a thousand dollars yeah he paid me thousands of dollars we had an appointment I gave him a kiss he paid me thousands of dollars am I having to block his number on my phone maybe I just want it I can understand that I mean being we've never described your physical appearance but it's more than that let's get into it yeah let's get away I mean I'm very sunburnt on

my face to a degree that is just like I mean I I mean so it's so pink it's like it's like what I like my stakes to look like it's like my cheeks I would say my cheeks and nose are very hot pink 80s shout out to the 80s I've never seen a woman look hotter yeah like but literally physically hotter like yes and but the rest of your body is pale as a sheet I don't know the rest of my body is if you look up paint colors if you go to you know one of those places where they got paint home default place it lows sure we know the types of places just say I want wider than eggshell please wider than eggshell that's that would be white and if they show you that just know that's the color my whole body even the part covered by my clothes wait wait I wish I wish I could see that and the

part that of your body that's covered by clothes that it's pretty minimal at this point because usually nine times out of ten just my butt hole just like just like a candy floss kind of strip well I'd like a candy floss strip with just a piece of construction paper cut into a circle right and that covers the the actual hole yeah now that's that's you didn't today you're wearing a little bit more because we're well because I had to come I had to come up with an ear wolf you were telling me though that you have kind of a new business venture that you're looking into yeah what exactly uh it's it's like you know how something here's a scenario okay I'm walking along I'm on a hot dog I'm sorry I didn't understand I didn't quite understand what you just said I'm

walking along I want a hot dog you want you want a hot dog all right but the thought that goes to my head is that's not healthy for me I can't have that that's not good for my my constitution there's a lot of nitrates nitrates pig parts that I'm not familiar with meats that I don't want so I think what could I have this better than a hot dog I have introduced to you cucumbers and buns yum cucumbers and buns uh I'll have a truck here downtown Los Angeles cucumbers and buns the truck will be called C.I.B. C.I.B. okay um Kip yeah maybe Cib I don't know it's called comedy bang bang but I I don't want to cause any confusion in the marketplace here although I we already had the truck printed well I do admit that my trademark does not extend to food trucks so that's what I

already figured out to go to the city council the city council is how he said hey you want city council lift up my shirt city council that's why I get my names for my trucks that of course the old expression that we've all said Q.I. do you cook the cucumbers or are you charring them at least great question we put we steam them and then we boil them then you boil them boil them uh-huh and then you can get mustard mayonnaise ketchup anything you like so they're soft so everything that people like about cucumbers the snap the uh we don't play that game no it's just kind of mushy uh-huh no snap no nothing these are safe for everyone including babies really babies can eat these because they're all just mushy babies love these babies is all biggest market we have children

coming there without their parents we had to call the police all the time so just children it's almost like the Pied Piper your truck in a way they're just like wandering outside because they hear do you have like does it play music the truck or yes it plays only Pearl Jam 10 oh wow Pearl Jam 10 that's it front to back front to back and then repeat it's not on random it's not on shuffle Pearl Jam 10 repeat Pearl Jam 10 repeat Pearl Jam 10 repeat in order thank you it's a concept album i didn't realize that oh please what is the concept i guess i i've only heard the concept is jeremy it's happening the hard time well that's one song certainly that's the hope i didn't realize that extended to the uh to a live he's spoken i don't know if he spoke on

the other nine uh he did you know even flows about that's about a child well ocd he wants to get that peanut butter on every corner get that even flow that song's about peanut butter that's about jeremy and his ocd okay okay i didn't realize okay i mean you've heard we know way more times than i have obviously yeah so don't don't don't don't check yourself don't stress yourself okay we'll do neither of those things so when children hear Pearl Jam 10 they know that the cib truck is coming through the cib truck comedy bang bay it's real close we better go get our cucumber hot dogs mm wow and how have sales been through the roof what does that mean exactly to you one month 14 million wow he has been on the show before he uh i guess i don't know whether it's fair to say that

he's an entrepreneur as well as much as he's a working guy i mean like 85 percent of the guests that you have on the show are entrepreneurs like everyone comes on and they they have something that they want to talk about some new business that's cool but you you have just worked at jobs is that right yeah that's true please welcome randy snuts thank you i mean cool i should listen to show you should yeah there's a lot of cool stuff yeah we have over 600 episodes listen to the 10 hour one first the 10 hour one first yeah you'll enjoy that acclimated yeah yeah yeah yeah you'll have one reaction or another to that one which when do you think i'll have uh i i would gather that you'd be all in after listening to it yeah i'm saying dang this is a trial by fire and i'm not guilty

welcome back randy it's so great to see you do you know bean dip says she knows you hi hello again yeah we have carnal knowledge of each other really i hooked up with her when i my grandma gave me a thousand dollars after she died well she didn't she like willed it to me and then carissa and i run right i i there was no confusion on my part i didn't think she passed away and then somehow gave you the thousand dollars she kept it in her hand and then there was a note that said like let randy is the only person who can grab this out of my cold dead hands i was like grandma yeah she's tits down wow that was like that's the charlton heston thing grabbing something out of cold dead hands so yeah well he didn't want anyone to he said the only way people would take

his guns oh yeah he's out of his cold dead hands this was a thousand dollars and i did not spend it on guns i spent it on night with bean dip really one night uh a full on night but now adam you paid thousands and thousands of dollars just for one kiss thousands yeah so have your rates gone up or my rates vary okay ma'am what is it vary upon what why why was why was i more expensive you came to my service what she says this month for a kiss i'm a randy in real life so you met randy off the clock uh-huh but you still charged him i met randy at cps and he decided to pay for a night of fun including water park yeah okay we bonded over how long my receipt was how long was it dude that's that's what i said that's what you said yeah that's what i said that's what you said

yeah that's what you said that's what i said dude wait you said that yeah i said that who said this i said that's what you said that's what i said how long was it that's what i said you said that's what you said yeah bean dip was there the receipt came out i said that i said it i said it who said this i said that that's what you said i said that that's what you said yeah that's what i said that's what i said that's what you said that's what i said this is what you said what no that's what i said that's what you said yeah bean dip was there you were there that's what he said that's what he said i put in that cbs this is at cbs cb i see where the confusion is we adam and i thought that you were saying cbs and so that's why we were like why would you say that work all right yeah because

you guys are that's not the peacock network it's the tiffani network i believe no you're both wrong tiffani another is she a dj tiffani was tiffani a dj or was she just a pop star a dj a pop star she was a pop star she's a pop star you know prince wrote manic monday for the bangles i do know that yes and then tiffani covered it took all the glory just like carissa all my my current girlfriend has always taken the glory out of my life wait a minute you're back with carissa do it i thought you were broken up with carissa scott it's not on again off again it's off again on again okay so you're with carissa currently yeah of course it's described for those of you who don't recall your previous appearances describe your relationship to carissa um fraught with calamitous scandal

she's always adding needless drama to my life she as in the way you would describe it a lot of times she had a lot of scandalous behavior yeah she did she's duplicitous what would she do exactly she'd always be like randy um like meet me out at the burger king like i'm gonna buy you dinner i'm like oh man lucky me so i show up with a burger king and it'd be a location that's been closed for weeks really she would do this to you yeah and she'd be like she'd take you to the recently closed burger kings oh she wouldn't even be there she'd be punking me because that was her favorite show i'll try to tell randy that's a classic move but can we all admit punk was a pretty good show it's gonna be back from what i understand give me a reboot yeah so very excited for that is

she excited is carissa excited about this yeah she's the only thing that she's talking about i'm dreading it because it's gonna give her new ideas for scandalous behavior it's gonna reignite this love for punking you yeah it is yeah how does she find these burger kings they've just recently closed i don't know that i don't yeah i guess i didn't realize burger kings are closing at that such a rapid accelerated pace yeah it's like sears but one percent figured out that they could just chop it up sell it off and make a bunch of cash off these dead burger kings makes sense so they're just closing all over the place she's constantly sending you to these yeah sorry to talk about the economy in this economy oh in this economy that's economy wow um that's what i said so that's wait

that's what you said that's what i said that's what you said what did you say i just said yeah that's what i said but what did you say a second ago like a couple seconds ago at this point oh wait that's what you said yeah that's what i said but like what that crack about the economy oh okay got it got it got it got it so what's been going on with your i guess your life randy i mean you've had many jobs you were fired for stealing at a convenience store that you worked at because you kept saying the word yoink as you stole things yeah well i saw that too loud once i'm back in the workforce it only takes once by the way yeah no kidding that's what i said so you would steal and then as you were stealing something you'd say yoink yeah and then like

i was getting away with it i didn't realize because i was saying it quietly i thought at first i was like man me saying yoink is like exonerating me like people are like dang that's ballsy so they weren't like busting me but it turns out you had just been saying it very quietly and they weren't seeing me steal this stuff right and the one time you said it loud they said they turned and looked yeah yeah yeah and that and then you were fired from the position yeah i was walking out with some beer for my boys who are your boys again um just like a crew of good dudes right yeah but by name how many are in this crew by the way two guys named kevin on a guy named michael okay so two kevins yeah that is good crew that's a good crew four people this is what happened to jeff

no jeff's out of the crew what happened he sent scandalous text messages to carissa no he leaked his own nudes to her no i mean that's one good idea get ahead of it yeah really and how did was she receptive to these yeah of course she was like yo randy get over here look at this i guess when i met receptive meaning kevy had hidden from you and just uh-uh she like saved it to her her photo roll and then she like started editing it and she was like drawn like little like circles around like she was like look at this part of his body it's a lot better than yours which parts are we talking about i don't pretty much everything oh okay she just circled the whole part of his body yeah why i make you feel bad yeah i made me feel terrible oh you pull

baby you need to get away from her dang i wish i had a thousand dollars right now well that's what it takes for it we're nowhere near a water park at this point too so i was a lot of obstacles how about i turn into a water park i don't know what you're talking about right now what that's what i said okay is that what you said yeah that's what i said um so what is going on with your life non-carissa well do you have a do you have a job now yeah i re-entered the workforce you did yeah i'm working for a window washing crew really yeah okay a bunch of dudes that get up really early um there how early do you have to get up to wash windows is that because you need daylight yeah but you want to get on top of it right away so like you gotta be ready to roll by the time the

sun's rising and um there are a bunch of cokeheads but otherwise cool dudes that's cool what what what location is this location well i mean do you travel around the city doing this or are you washing one place's windows primarily or anyone who wants us to wash their windows that's the name of the game scott okay god damn but i guess do you have a regular route or got mr ceo over here is like how do jobs work fucking embarrassing me call me on my show to fucking take down the blue collar working man i'm gonna be listening to sticks on the ride home how much how much is the loaf of bread these days by the way jesus christ i don't know four dollars if it's shitty how much is a good one i don't know six dollars yeah eight dollars all right depends on the location

well i got mr money bags over here probably shopping at erstwhile or whatever that fancy ass player one yeah whatever first well i don't fucking know yeah you don't because you're a regular working class guy and that's what we love about you randy i saw bread at convenience stores you what yeah but or not or whatever the white stuff is well oh they sell bread i thought you said i saw bread at convenience stores um so uh you're doing the window washing thing is that precarious i mean are you afraid of heights by the way don't watch uh the righteous gemstones if you're afraid of heights mm-hmm because those those stakes get high yeah see your psychiatrist about three days before yeah a lot of a lot of uh conditions i'm watching this show no i got bad vertigo i saw i'm yeah then

i wouldn't recommend it yeah definitely not yeah how bad is your vertigo pretty bad so you why are you watching windows if what if you you have terrible vertigo i mean this it seems like every single day would be a nightmare for you dude how many of these problems do i have to solve for you i wash the ground floor windows i'll let the rest of the team do the rest wait so i'm in like a hotel that's say 30 stories high like the w like the w thank you thank you yeah you're only doing one 30th of the work i mean i'll wash the inside of the windows of wait of all of them all the way up yeah okay vertigo doesn't give you vertigo no because i'm not gonna fall out the window isn't that normally like that just a housekeeping keeper's job or this is the service that you

provide to hollywood guys trying to take a shit on a blue collar man just trying to make money y'all should be ashamed of yourself why don't you wait me no there i'm for parking it for taking out a broken man what'd you say is that what you said number one four now that's what i call comedy volume one so this this is not only the comedy bang bang best of 2019 but this is the first volume of now that's what i call comedy that's correct so we're pulling double duty here that's correct um funny stuff agreed agreed very much agreed uh tim is so funny vma that's what it stands for vma yeah very much agreed very much so the mtv vma's the mtv vma's are just everyone agreed on the best music videos yes moved it's mtv stands for move to vote move to vote very much

agreed very much agreed fantastic the moon man now look tim eady so funny put it together together you have a dynamic combo that's what i call come look if people called us the dynamic combo i wouldn't mind that either so it's the the incredible duo incredible duo or the dynamic combo i would take either do not call us the dynamic duo please we don't want to start getting out there fighting joe chill giving him a heart attack and adam by the way the one criminal that was actually scared by batman he always talked about criminals being a superstitious and cowardly lot that's the one exception to prove the rule adam by the way is a great guy he was so funny on the comedy bang bang tv show he's been on the podcast a couple of times but on the tv show

he came on and did one of our favorite episodes the sarah silverman episode where he played a guy who uh had a what was it a friendship with a ladder i can't i can't recall yeah it was the little ladder episode which is an insane episode he was very funny in that um great episode and uh you you all voted it in at number 14 and uh now you see what happens now you see what happens we listen to a clip all right let's take a break when we come back look what do you think is next uh well what just happened we listen to episode number 14 i bet it's going to be episode 12 no it's the number one episode wow so we're and the rest will just be posted online yeah okay we're just gonna end it here i assumed we're skipping 13 because of you know superstition

unlucky yeah and but you're saying no we're jumping straight to number one i'm so scared i just want to get this over with more the more distance between me and 13 the better no we of course we'll be hearing number 13 we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this as it was foretold we're back we are certainly back i was mid sip of water and i all decided to come back from commercial or the commercial ended um and i decided to end the commercial it just cuts off in the middle yeah i gotta end this shit um this is uh well we're getting up there in the countdown we're still in double digits but uh uh at a certain point we're gonna get down to single digits not on this episode if we keep going if pass this prologue then yes if

we keep up the pace we certainly will get to number one at a certain point if we keep up the pace pacante mild too spicy too spicy uh okay let's get to it this is your episode number 13 number one three okay this is episode number 13 on the countdown and this is uh episode 612 just two before the previous episode and this is from uh july 29 summer summer and this is an episode called the juice is loose oh boy i know who's in this one you know who's in this one so who carl tart carl tart of course carl tart who has been a great addition to this show for the past few years uh very funny guy went on tour with us uh a little bit uh and uh has done the character that he premiered on the clip we are about to hear on tour uh to much acclaim and uh our

good friend jimmy pardo is on this clip as well jimmy pardo jimmy a rare appearance a comedy one of the pod fathers not as uh i mean uh i was gonna say not as rare as i would like that's not true that's not true i like having him on the show uh he's on uh i would say about every year i would say like once a year like once a year yeah he's not like uh you who comes back uh quite often or jason manzuka's sure but jimmy has a very busy schedule i would say i i do have to say that i don't when i land to jimmy pardo it's usually after 20 attempts yes well he's also a dad he's a dad he goes out of town he has a lot of different things yes a lot of irons in the fire um also lauren ashley smith was on this episode won't be on this clip because uh we're we picked a clip uh

that uh comes out before her character comes out but lauren uh was the head writer i believe of a uh black girl sketch show is that what it's called yes a black black lady a black ladies together i'm sorry to call her a girl you call her show a girl the doctor is a woman though we have established that that is very true um she's very funny uh we won't be hearing her on this clip though because i think people voted on this episode uh due to this chunk of the show that we'll be hearing and carl is essentially playing well even more than essentially in fact is playing oj simpson what if when you voted you got to say why you were voting you give a reason in the comments i'm voting for pete buda judge because i think he's the

best candidate so you're saying voting for anything yeah anything very much agreed if you vote for the very much agrees i'm voting for the right now video because i liked when they turned it into a pepsi commercial yeah more things should be pepsi commercials how many things are macroober mm the right now video by van halen police brutality police brutality with kentall jenner that's right and michael jackson the end the end the four pepsi commercials pepsi are there that's the back of the four billies uh yeah we don't want to we're missing out on selling two different shirts that's right that's a good point um okay so so carl ears and i i don't mean to speak for him but he's not here but uh this is what i remember of the

process yeah uh as many of you know oj simpson joined twitter this year and said just this year it was just this year god damn just just right before this episode i believe which was the summer maybe a month or two before and uh he has a very unique twitter style which carl noticed and started doing an impression of uh with his friends and around the house and said hey i want to do it on the show and the one request he made usually when we do the show if you don't know uh all i ask of the guests is hey what is the name of your character and how would i introduce you yes um because i don't want to introduce people and spoil their joke like they'll usually tell me oh i i am a then tell me what their job is and i'll say do you want me to say that or do you want to be the one that

reveals it because i don't necessarily want to spoil it for the listener if uh they want to be the ones disclosing the information yes so uh usually that's all we talk about but in this instance carl only had one request which is um please don't know that i am a murderer i hope that's how you phrased it just something to that amazing request please please don't know that i'm a murderer either don't know or don't ever bring it up i can't recall which it was but uh so that uh leads to this very funny clip where uh uh oj simpson comes on the show and uh look i don't want to set it up any more than that let's just listen to it this is your episode 13 number one three please welcome

to the show oj simpson hey thank i want to say thank you scott i want to appreciate you for bringing me onto your platform you know my pleasure i gotta be honest with you i had a lot of time with my hands and and i started to love the show i loved it uh i i listened to so many of the episodes and i really got a sense of we don't say hundred or so how many have you heard absolutely oh hundreds of them absolutely i have you know some of the my some of my favorite people have been here i love the way you talk to them your interactions with them i love everything you do thank you so much i really do so congratulations to you thank you so much i mean i'm a mutually uh a big fan of yours i admit that i admit that around the early 90s i sort of dropped out and

didn't didn't really keep up with your career but certainly up to naked gun two and a half absolutely i don't i maybe even the third one i was still paying attention 33 that's right scott and i'm not quite sure what happened to you but it's great to see you resurfacing you know i went through some things everybody has trials and tribulations in their lives oh i bet they do i'm back now i'm happy to be here thank you for giving me a platform you're a major twitter presence now from what i understand i got on the twitter you know uh my daughter was telling me and that i had to get on twitter you have a daughter yes i do i have a daughter and a son are you married i can't recall no i'm not currently married scott not currently okay well you were at

one time i was at one time i've had two wives in my life uh right scott i i don't want to take up too much of your time here oh thank you but you're on for a good uh nice segment here so i'd love to have you on as long as you need as you'd like to be i'd love to be here i'm really i'm just really thankful for it scott i i tell you those times that i used to watch your your games just making those runs into the end zone you know scott i average there's an end zone in football there's an end zone scott you got that right see scott one thing you got to know about me i was running back for the buffalo bills and then for the later in my career for the san francisco 49ers which i got to play for my home team oh and that was a real joy for me you know uh i met my second wife when

i was playing for the san francisco 49ers really what does she do well scott you know i don't want to get too far deep into that okay well you're not together anymore i'm sorry if i brought up something painful uh but i tell you uh i averaged 11 000 you know let me tell you something about ego scott okay you know the other day i was i was going around talking about that's like two thirds of the way two and uh you got yeah yeah three quarters of the way i never made it then i never made it which ones which ones do you have i thought i deserved i don't have any of them you have i thought i deserved if you were an e goth e goth with a heisman yeah if there was an e goth i would have a heisman uh i thought i deserved an oscar for playing nordberg nordberg naked gun

films but you know it didn't work out so incredibly lovable and clumsy i love the part of uh i believe it's naked gun where he's wearing that ski mask uh and he's uh he's sitting there uh about to break onto the boat where all the criminals are and he's disguising himself with a ski mask yeah that was one of my favorite scenes you like that shape so close to home now scott when you film that close to home i film that we've yeah we did actually we filmed that scene in marina del re oh wonderful area close to my house you know over in brintwood in brintwood oh is that where you were it was where i was living at the time i no longer have that house uh it was a beautiful estate um it's gorgeous area yeah great you know live down the street from michael jackson i tell you that much

oh great guy too i felt i i stopped paying attention to him too listen i don't get i don't get too far into people's personal things but i will say this the man was always nice to me and there was one time where i had my niece was over to my house and she loved michael jackson it was the 80s all the kids did oh of course and so she came over and i called down i said hey mike why don't you come down and say hello to my niece and he came right down and he saw my niece and he said let me know when you have your nephew come over he said that yeah but that was the kind of jokes that we had you know that was the kind of jokes that we had back in those days i don't understand the joke it was 19 or she he signed an autograph for it you know but he just said you

know he loves your children he's a children guy you know i don't know but he was always nice to me you know people go through trials and tribulations scott that's the thing is like a lot of people and i don't pay attention to pop culture that much but a lot of people uh don't realize what celebrities are going through when they're in the news they don't realize it's god the media paints you in a certain way i'm sure you've had some things said about you that you don't love scott there's trolls everywhere there's trolls everywhere scott that's right okay you take care now jimmy is that it for me jimmy i uh i wanted to ask you something should i leave yeah you could go you've been doing uh you've been doing your podcast i have your 2006 huh yeah

that's been a long time do you ever get worried that some things you said in the earlier days of your podcast yes i do uh yeah and but you just gotta kind of leave them out there well they're out there already out there what am i gonna do go back and edit all those no exactly i agree with you 100 certain things in your past are just out we all have things that we're not proud of i'm sure oh scott's back hey scott sorry sorry i i don't mean to interrupt a private conversation between the two of you no no i just relate to jimmy a lot i see you i see jimmy in me in a in a way i don't know if i'm comfortable with that i've always kind of felt like jimmy you're the oj of podcasting uh a trophy winner sure thank you so what have you been up to lately well you know i i was i

was recently released from prison uh i think people know that yes i went to prison for what for something really silly you know these guys these guys uh they stole my memorabilia some stuff that felt really near and did someone stole something from you yeah somebody my why didn't you go to prison then i went to prison because i went to go get it back it was a lapse in judgment i made a mistake one of the biggest mistakes i've ever made in my life so you just got your stuff back i went and i got my stuff back but it was some sort of setup and the police were there i had i was drinking at the time it was lost vagus you know what they say things that and vagus stays in vagus but i tell you one thing they extradited me yeah yeah and you know that

that was probably the biggest mistake i ever made in my life how long are you in for i was in prison since uh 2000 and uh seven i want to say yeah that's a long time for something so inconsequential it's almost as if like a lot of times you hear about a situation like that and they're like oh well it's justice for something else that happened yeah but you know that's not how the system works so they they they sent me up they sent me up the river for trying to take back my own things but i'm out now i got a new lease on life i'm on twitter do you have a new lease on a new place because you're not there in brendwood anymore yeah i got i got a new condo i got a new condo i heard you guys talking about uh the comedy condo and i tell you one thing the condo that

i'm living in right now has a lot of jokes all the time with me and my friends playing fantasy football that's right all right scott you take care hold on did you sense you dismissed scott oh yeah i do have a question are you golfing are you hitting the links you know i'm on that golf course almost every day you are i'm enjoying retirement you know uh that that's basically what you do every day retirement from prison yeah it's been a long career you know i will say the the prison thing you know going to prison was one of the biggest mistakes i ever made in my life that and not cutting left against the cleveland browns oh boy in 1977 i tell you that much when you say when you said not cutting uh i knew what you were talking about because i knew you

would immediately follow it with left uh because that famous cleveland browns game yeah i cut right and i got tackled right then and there yeah and you know we lost but i tell you one thing about those buffalo bills there's a resilient fan base you know it's been a history of losing over there in buffalo yeah but they're resilient fan base they got amazing love for you and it's a great place to be all right scott you take okay well jimmy take it take take over from it how how's the golf game i'm gonna go back to that are you are you shooting well juice or are you struggling because you were in prison for so long i'm struggling the muscles tight the muscles are tight and you know we age it every day jimmy oh we are and we're getting older and and getting colder

that's what they say you know i've never done that i'll tell you and and and it's it's hard for me to get my swing exactly back but i'm on the court every day the weather is warm in los angeles right now i'm having a great time and the the grass is greener on the other side i tell you that much and i'm walking along that green all right jimmy you take care oh wow am i back you're back scott great um so who are your friends these days because uh i remember uh back in the old days i remember you had a lot of really good friends like uh i mean it's been amazing to see uh what kim kardasheen has been up to because you were such good friends with her father absolutely robert was one of my great friends and you know i want to dispel a rumor right now okay because

this has been something you know i told everybody when i got on twitter that i was going to be getting back and getting even oh you did okay i wondered what that meant because you know like i said i had not kept up with you and i was like who does he need to get even i wanted to spell it robert kardasheen was one of my very best friends i met him at usc in the 1960s uh he was a great guy and he married a beautiful woman named chris and she was great and they had a host of beautiful children robert jr and kim and chloe and courtney and and they're all great girls and i love what they're doing now but i want to dispel this thing me and chris have never had any type of relationship any any and so i'm not even friendly we were very friendly at one time and you know some things

change when people grow apart and robert passed away they grew apart and they had a great relationship when they were together and but but there's this woman floating around that i'm the father of chloe kardasheen and i just want to say that's not true let's dispel that rumor right here on comedy bang bang okay yes oh when you say bang bang it sends a chill up and down my spine for some reason oh why i don't know i don't know what it was so much bigger you know i don't know what it is i haven't done much radio in my life i tell you that much i was more of a tv and film guy yeah but i'm happy to be here this is great all right scott you take care now you have a good i don't know who's supposed to talk now jimmy yeah here's have you ever had any of the kardashians

on your shelf i've not had any of the kardashians they uh they seem to be spending time over on e uh yes yeah and you don't work with them too much i don't know the e or the kardashians these uh no well i don't i just work with ease early on but i'd not uh not so uh much recently just now when you're warming up an audience yeah for for a live talk show yeah now how what happens if if the audience does do you do your normal material or do you do a lot of crowd work when you try to do the crowd work to try to bring them in any way you can you try to get them invested am i right you want the audience warm because uh a body that's enjoying itself and that is alive is very warm if a body if a body were cold that's the last thing you want is like a couple of cold bodies oh you don't want

that you know you said it's got you said it you hit the nail on the head i tell you that much you hit it right on the butt is that where you usually want to hit things is just right on the head you you want to hit things wherever you can hit them the chest a few times uh but i tell you this guy those are those are gorgeous uh you're wearing a couple of gloves right now that those are gorgeous isotoners i still that you know after i went to prison for uh stealing my stuff back i lost i lost a lot of my endorsement deals oh yeah and but isotoner they stayed with you they stayed with me today yeah well that's a sign of a great company loyal they got a good product isotoner isotoner and those shoes too these bruno mollies bruno mollies i thought i recognized that yeah

that's right you know once you get comfortable in a certain brand you gotta stick with it and i will say that you you're you're kind of like fiddling with your gloves a lot as if they they don't quite i don't know what the expression would be well you know i think if they're if the uh the the way that they wrap around your hand they don't fit very well oh that is true and i think i got a wrong size scott and you know i've been playing a lot of golf and you know i like like we said early we're aging now i'm getting a little bit older i'm in my 70s yeah my hands tend to swell up yeah swelling up a bit yeah so so those gloves they don't uh was how did you put it they don't fit okay the gloves they do well then we you know what you have to do get new gloves get new gloves

yeah and i got a call over to the isotoner guys they don't have a website i got a call i just thought it does not have a website no it seems like just call up squarespace 2019 yeah yeah all right look they have beautiful templates and you can customize anything with just a few clicks of the mouse really yeah square on squarespace where you should get a website i should get a website scott what do you say we go in on a website together i would love to do a website ojsimpson.com oh i would love to have that so uh i'm gonna call up squarespace again scott and ojsimpson.com and we'll we'll just start putting out content well that's that sounds like a ball to me scott you take care okay now i guess i'll call you when it's done not jimmy yeah yeah

yes doing a podcast for this long and i remember when those podcasts first started that was just a little box that popped up on my iTunes where i had a lot of my music that i like for my day you know what do you like the oj's uh you only like bands that are your own name i like the old i'm a big oj's fan did you like orders juice jones as well i like the way i saw you and him walking in the rain let me tell you that would have made me mad too if i saw my lady walking in the rain with some other gentlemen but you know that's another conversation for another day let's promise me we'll have that conversation because i would love to hear your thoughts on that absolutely we will scott i just want to thank you for letting me be here scott uh it's

always great to have you in fact you know what i'm you've been out of the news for a while but uh uh i i'm gonna do a little research on what you've been up to recently because i'm uh i really uh during the break we have to go to a break here but oh no i'm gonna do a little a little research on you and uh see what you've been up to uh but uh when we come back we have a vocal coach this is really exciting you have such a great voice oj and he's back i'm back and he's back baby the juice is loose all right scott and jimmy y'all take care number one three uh yes when he did it he did it on tour this year and it was so much fun to figure out how to dance around that that fact extremely gigantic fact of oj simpson's life probably the most important thing to happen to

him yeah and he's had a he's had quite a lot of interesting things happen to him the guys had an interesting life including being a murderer in the eyes of the civil courts in the eyes of the civil courts and so i don't know whether we have to say allegedly still and by the way this is a satirical program so we don't have to say it at all yeah let's do song parodies we don't have to pay for uh very fun carl is so funny and we'll perhaps be making uh another appearance on the countdown if not more than one we don't know wouldn't be a bit surprised we don't know well look we have to take a break when we come back we're going to keep counting it down yeah we have no choice we have no choice we're not going to go back the other way and recount down you know number 14 number 15

we've already heard those you can't put the tooth paste back in the tube you might be a redneck if you do what if you just what if just fucksworthy just it started just not making any sense anymore like if you get the genie out of the bottle you might just be a redneck if you put tooth paste back in the tube after you use it you may just be a redneck if a penny saved isn't a penny earned you might just be a redneck that one maybe does make sense our rednecks bad with money if you press them do they not bleed the immortal bard once again all right let's take a break when we come back we'll keep counting it down to number 12 comedy bang bang we are back here with paul if tomkins i'm him and we are counting down your top 15 plus one live episode episodes of comedy bang

bang and uh we are coming up here on our final segment this is our final clip of this particular episode which is part one of four how did we get here i took bronson no we how did not how did we get here individually how did we scott how did we get here to this part of the countdown um we did 15 no i'm doing poetic talk oh how did we get here oh verily uh thus i say to the spake is our first time um do you have any bets on what uh number 12 is going to be uh yeah funny this is let's just let us terry know further let's get to it this is your episode number 12 number one two all right number 12 all right uh right this is episode now listen to this oh this

is episode 600 bossy 615 615 what a clump right after 614 and uh then 612 was the previous one this is from uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh August 19 19 yeah the which is summer all four of these are from the summer what a curious clump and that's exactly what eddie murphy said i believe after the first nutty professor right and then he decided to base the entire sequel upon all of them and then that was it and then he was like i'm done this was miserable i'll only do it one more time for norbit and then that's it and that is it and of course coming to america oh yeah he puts on makeup for that yeah yeah yeah um how was his snl did you enjoy it this one that was just two days ago did not see it did not see it didn't realize that it happened no well of course that

press time it has not happened yet this guy you tricked me i did trick you i'm one of these impractical jokers wait a minute this is are we in press time right now we are in press time he panini press time oh i wish oh man please panini don't hurt him oh panini um but doctor i am panini let's talk about lil nausex he made his debut this year y'all in this show what if he he's a character by the way a lot of people don't know but he's a character uh in reality he's big yeah zeke nicholson plays him and he he tricked all of america into liking his uh old town road song he's a comedian and he started on this show a lot of people don't know that everyone this is okay so this is episode 615 from august 19th and this is an episode entitled

the chastman family paul do you know this episode yes i do know this episode very well because you were a participant yes it's true most certainly um this is an episode which has two of the stars of the bbc television show orphan black uh tatiana meslani and christian brun tatiana is an emmy award winner for her role of several of the orphans christian is not christian is not one zero emmy's he is not for playing the husband he did not win one for playing constable no he certainly did not on whatever that show was uh hide and seek the movie he did not win an emmy for that uh what about uh the brian the movie that he did not win an emmy for what about brian well the movie is promoting on this episode ready or not has he won an emmy for that no that's what

i'm talking about hide and seek he did not win an emmy for hide and seek i thought hide and seek was a different thing no it sounds see this is the thing about christian it sounds plausible he's been in so many things that you know you just have never heard of he didn't win an emmy for the handmade stale for playing creep that's right for playing tlc's creep he came on to the handmade sale one of the handmade sales just like in uh say anything press the the boombox press the jukebox underneath the handmade sales window give it a fuzzy punch and suddenly started playing tlc's creep please let someone photoshop this at least a picture at least a picture at least a picture if not a video of him doing this yeah please make a video go out and film him go out and film him

doing this and do a deep thing film him doing this and then we can say it's from the handmade stale there's got to be a scene in the handmade sale i i have not seen it but there's got to be one where it's just the one hand the handmade sale where uh elizabeth moss looks out a window right there's got to be it's somewhere i don't think so really they don't have windows i don't think they have windows they have windows i'm remembering the series now i don't think her character ever looks out a window but if there was one and then get the john q sec from say anything put christian's head on top of john q stack and then put tlc's creep on the boombox okay you have to be you have to be an editing master you have to be a frank pilaski himself

to do something like this by the way by the way frank hope you're doing well out there frank hope you're doing well out there in hawaii i believe you live yes mahalo mahalo he's made a lot of videos that's where there's the q stacks john q stacks you gotta be careful um so so frank or anyone uh please do that for us oh now now that's a real challenge to frank because of course he wants to be the guy to do it he's recuperating he tripped over q stack he tripped over q stack he tripped over john q stack oh and and q stack you know what i was on a plane with them one time really one time it was when i did the informant you were in the informant and you did a play no i was on a plane oh oh i thought you said i did a play i mean they're an acting family i would

i would love to have done a play with the q stacks the q stack sisters yeah i would love that but i was i was so we filmed in um like it was were we in iowa or something it was we went to film it was very strange we went so you weren't a local hire they flew you out no they flew me out i shot in los angeles and this courtroom scene we shot in uh i can't remember what state it was in was like a place i'd never been before and we shot in inside of an actual courtroom it was strange that we went all the way there yeah there's plenty of courtroom sets here in los angeles yeah but there was so we were there's a ton of people there pat nozzel was there i remember we had lunch together in the this is steven sodaburg's film the informant steve steve uh oh sorry steven sodaburg of course

um and uh ann and jone q sack i can't remember if they were both in the movie whether they were just hanging out but it seemed like it was a coincidence that they were on the plane together and i was sitting next to one of them they didn't sit next to each other well they asked if i would switch oh so they could sit together and i said of course of course you are the q sacks yes and then at one point i tried to do a bit with them where i leaned around from the seat i was in front of them okay and i can't remember what the bit was but they did not find it funny they were very confused do they not know you were in the film and then when you showed up on the set they're like oh it's the bit guy from the airplane i think no this is on the way

back oh so they already never saw either one of them again except on the silver screen of course i but i can't remember what the bit was but i remember like them registering that it was a bit wait like i held till they realized it was a bit and then when they sort of polite laughed i slunk back to my seat i hate that feeling that happened to me just last night i know never forget it what was the situation i was talking to a friend and i uh uh launched into some bit based on what she said and i think she got defensive about what she had said like i was trying to say she was wrong about something and i was like oh no we were just like we're having fun that happened to me too recently but it was the person's fault not my fault that they took it

too seriously okay i it was probably this one was probably my fault where i was was this somebody was this like a good friend um see him five times a year yeah great friend okay as friends go that's good for me um yeah uh so and and then at a certain point i was like do i explain that i'm just doing a bit and i was just like i'm just gonna give up well then that's not a good friend i just extricated myself from the situation that's not a good if it's a good enough friend of course you say look i was kidding around i tried and then it just dug itself deeper into a this person sounds like a chore yeah wait was it me yeah was it yeah the shaggy sequel wait was it me wait maybe i'm misremembering as i'm reviewing this it might have been my recollection

now that i'm hearing your side of things it might have been me that might have been me um all right let's get back to this this is uh Tatiana and Christian we're here uh Christian had his movie ready or not that he was promoting uh and we talk about that previous to the clip we'll hear where uh some things that we need to establish they're not featured in the clip but you may need to know them before listening to these clips um earlier in the show uh we talk about going to hell on each other which i believe is established as uh some sort of oral sex there okay and i believe that we also talk about uh knee pads that were promotional materials for the movie ready or not ready or not knee pads that one would use while one was doing that going to hell on someone

right um and uh also one thing you need to know is i uh around this time uh and hopefully in the future i had been doing a lot of ads for thomas's english muffins which by the way every single time i'm just gonna since the best ofs are where we talk about the process uh every time i do one of these in the ad i am eating an english muffin supposedly uh in it and people say hey will you stop eating while you're doing the ad and and what they don't know is that that is part of the ad i am told to eat an english muffin by the thomas's by the thomas's themselves christin scott thomas henry thomas yes philip michael thomas sure and of course just justice claire thomas the council of thomas's gets together the thomas ease and they tell me to eat this english muffin while i do

the ad council of thomas's is a shirt that is a shirt and there's the four thomas's henry thomas christin scott thomas christin scott thomas this is a shirt um these are all shirts but now hold on a second we're we have fun yes we do have fun does it really do have fun it doesn't we have fun you don't have a gun it is acknowledged pointed at me right now we do have fun it's not they don't actually ask you to eat an english muffin yeah they do they say you read this ad while you are eating an english muffin is that for real that is for that is for rel yes for lil rel it's for lil rel these ads are for lil rel i hope he's listening by the way he was supposed to be on the show this year oh no didn't he didn't he couldn't do it he i at the last second this a lot of people wonder

about the funny he's so funny i love him a lot of people wonder about the booking process here's here's what happens publicists reach out and say can this person be on the show and then you always say yes always say yes and there is a two month long process of trying to find a date and then when we find a date approximately three days before they drop out i remember when when i was doing spontaneity nation and that show blunt talk was about yes with patrick stewart i was asked i was asked by someone that i don't think works here anymore would you be interested in having patrick stewart on the show this was kevin by the way this is how we're fine it was not kevin it was a surprise bitch

surprise my good bitch um would you be interested in having patrick stewart on the show and i said of course i would yes the next thing i heard was all right uh we got those ads for you to read for blunt talk that's not the same thing at all is it do are you say were you saying would you like to read patrick stewart's name on the show and that's how he'd be on the show this is what happens publicists what they do they get a client what they do this is what i've figured out over several years of doing the show and and hiring a publicist myself what they do is being a publicist for two years yes of course yes uh they they take on a client and then they put out like pretty much a mass email to anyone that they think would possibly be interested in having this person on

yes they have not cleared it with the person at this point uh they just say hey here's here here are all the email addresses i have would you be interested in having let's use patrick stewart as an example would you be interested in having patrick stewart on the show they have not spoken to patrick stewart uh they get a bunch of yeses they see how many yeses they can collect and then they take all of the asks to the client patrick stewart and then rank them in what they what they like how good they are once they've gotten all the yeses they're like oh wow we have all these major ones you no longer need to do these minor ones and they in fact suggest they say we don't feel you need to do this one underneath it which always and we always get tricked into it that's always happens

to me like major stars say they want to do the show supposedly and we bend over backwards and then they the stars read the email and go i'm not going to do that and then it just disappears but i'm not saying that's lil rel because i lil rel uh uh is a comedian and truly did want to do the show and uh sometimes though here's another thing that happens sometimes that stars do want to do the show and their publicist doesn't even present that happened with neil patrick harris do you recall that uh a couple years back he was in the best of neil patrick harris uh listens to the show if not every week occasionally and uh wanted if not every week he listens occasionally and wanted to do the show asked to do it we tried to set it up and then the publicist never uh passed it

on to him and he took a look at his schedule and said wait where's comedy bang bang and made sure that it was on his schedule and this is getting back to titiana and christian got to uh they uh of course are big stars and on major television shows and uh uh tatiana is in movies and in christian uh has appeared in movies what would you say is the chief difference i mean tatiana is like sought out for movies in christian auditions no christian you're a great friend uh we're just rousing you but uh they are they were both comedy bang bang fans first before we met them that's right and uh we we met them because they were fans yes and they would listen to it during orphan black and talk about their favorite episodes and i

remember tatiana saying that she would when she would bike around uh toronto uh she would be listening to episodes and uh she came up to andy sandberg and uh lauren lapkiss at a party that they all happened to be at and started rapping the hollywood facts theme which is from several years ago it was an episode you can hear it in a previous best of so she is she and christian are both fans and they're they're now friends but they were fans first came to see us in san diego wearing ninja mutant turtle costumes uh and uh so they're fans and it's always a pleasure to have them on the show and they're dear lovely people and what i enjoyed about this episode is the two of them polyp tompkins and then kirby howl baptized who is uh a uh she

is people primarily know her as an actress now who is on every good show from uh killing eve to barry to the good place the good place she's uh on every good show and she is a a comedian who uh started out at the upright citizens brigade and i got to know her uh she was on the comedy bang bang tv show uh and so she's been on the show a few times i believe uh doing characters and so what happened on this episode is um it was the four of you i believe i booked tatiana and christian and then asked you to do it and then kirby also was only available that day so we put the four of you together and uh what happened was first of all the four of you uh uh was it early in the morning or i can't remember but it had had what you described as crazy sleep

over yeah i feel like it was early in the morning yeah i think it was like first thing in the morning and everyone came in kind of loopy and i had i had texted tatiana and christian before when when i knew we were all going to be on together before i knew kirby was going to be on and said do you want to do something like a bit together right you know because as occasionally i think the first time that tatiana and christian did the show they were just themselves and then jumped in as characters so they are and they're uh improvisers yes uh they started out as improvisers in canada a lot of people don't know that so they are perfectly comfortable jumping in and improvising that's correct so uh and then uh kirby ended up on the show because of of uh

scheduling just happened to be on the show and she decided to uh well we asked her we said would you do you want to jump in on our thing we're gonna be a we're gonna just gonna be a family be a family that's all you guys knew all we knew yeah you were gonna be a family so kirby also jumped into it and it turned it out in to be a wonderfully silly and it was so much fun to do crazy episode we're going to be hearing uh a little bit of this um this is and the the title of the episode is the chastman family but it doesn't it doesn't exactly stay there well i don't even want to spoil any of it let's just hear let's hear a little bit of it this is your episode number 12 number one two please introduce yourselves you're uh you're a family i from what

i understand yes my my name excuse me you're excused my name is robert chastman robert chastman yes i'm the patriarch of the family oh and these are my family members my name is chastity ask uh aspen chastity aspen and i'm uh i am a family member of this man to my and we are family i'm your relation i'm his daughter oh okay and you married uh someone named aspen i married into the family oh you did oh i see and uh survived the night so you're not a you're not a blood relative no but you survived the night but i did survive the night okay we have we we have shared blood because yours or someone else's please let me you are so out of breath you can't are you ever going to get your breath back or is this your natural state i walked up

the stairs i it's one flight oh tell me about it we carried him up we carried him up halfway so it's half a flight yeah and you're out i'm terribly sorry i'm not in as good a shape as i used to that's all right do you think you'll regain your composure or will you time will tell okay great so uh chastity married into the family and i gave her a little bit of my blood in the vial to put into her own veins so that we could become blood relatives oh my goodness are you now are you yawning or are you you're just still out of breath no i got dizzy i thought i was gonna go lights out that was one of his lights out moments he has a little lady out every now and again who are my loms yeah your loms light out like a little moment yeah when when he had when that

happens to him we have to transfer the blood back how long have you been part oh really yeah so you have to which where do you keep where do you keep that blood oh we have vials and how long have you been with a family i've been with a family three three weeks three wonderful weeks three weeks okay and who did you marry whom did you marry i married this man across the way oh and what's your name sir my name is bradston chastamin brine's bradston bradston bradston chastamin chastamin okay and um chastity and i've been married for three weeks and i thought it a little bit strange that my father gave her blood when i would have easily offered my blood to her because she's my wife oh well you got to get in there early i guess this is the first time hearing of this

i wish well i would have offered it father but you readily popped a vein and added a vial of blood to her without consulting me and you know i think you should it was a wedding gift i can't believe how ungrateful you are well i am i know but i can't believe it well you should believe it because traits that i fell in love with him about it's his ungrateful i know ungratitude boys who's now who's this hi cecilia chastamin hi cecilia uh chastamin so you have a different name so did you also marry into the family yes cecilia chastamin chastamin okay and you kept your your maiden name chastamin like rastaman but chastamin i mean it would have been a bit confusing if she hyphenated chastamin chastamin it would have been a bit much or she could have just changed

it to chastamin well i'm a modern woman i wouldn't change cecilia and i are we are not uh married oh we uh she i am the father yes and cecilia has adopted him hello okay her husband's number one son son oh okay so this is this a recent relationship between the two of you no we've known each other since high school oh okay but but how long have you known each other if you know what i mean i don't know what you mean gone to hell on each other what does that mean what does that mean oh i'm sorry that i meant to tell you we haven't gone there yet you haven't had the talk yet it's time for the talk chastity lives up to her name and are you just watching the talk it's time for the talk the talk is on 10 again should we go watch the talk turn on cbs then we'll watch the chew it's time for the chew

i love a good chew so but how long have you been date or romantic i guess okay when you say off and on every other day or what literally every other day one day we say we on next day we say we off okay you consider her to be your mother well i call her mother and i call him father but she's my step mother right who was who was your actual mother is she still with us or is she uh father would you like to go into that moved on that heavenly escalator her blood has been transferred throughout the family yes really so so she is still with us we all carry a lot of her blood it's a bit of her blood i see but when she died you drained the body of all the blood it just happened yeah really yeah it was spilling out we had to put it somewhere we had to put it

somewhere yes we put a bucket under her how did she die then was she like hung up from the ceiling and desanguinated she was desanguinated yeah that's how she died she was desanguated by a serial killer or desanguination no she here's the thing here it is she liked to sew oh yes oh don't get you i know how you see she was making a flag for the family a flag uh an american flag or a flag the family family flag the crest you say family flag as if every everybody has a family flag who doesn't have a family flag the flag that everyone's family has yes the family family yeah how do you know who the family is at a house and what do you hang outside is it in plants is it a literal representation of like pictures of the family or is it like our stars and

stripes which represent things no it's uh it's like you ever see that on the back of a car the Calvin guy pissing on the thing no please don't be ridiculous in and out urge sticker this is this is a sacred thing please it's family it'll be stick figures of the family in size order including pets holding it yes with some truck nuts in the corner yes okay well so she was sewing yes and she had beautiful long hair beautiful she sounds gorgeous she was very proud prideful of it that's a sin it i don't i know it and her hair got caught in the sewing machine mechanism yeah it pulled her entire body through the sewing machine all the way through no and she had multiple puncture wounds what a horrible way to do it but i mean she wasn't complaining she's kind of always

around because she's sewn into the family flag it's true so her corpse is part of this flag that you guys is well it's dry now and it's quite light and flat it flaps and no blood no it's desanguinated and it flaps it flaps and honestly it's nice because i love having my sister around it slapped it bangs it's a bomb okay i just wanted to check so she's out of the picture in that way okay but in the picture in other way yes very right and so how long was it before you moved on to Cecilia Chastaman here oh what a tiny mind you have we would been together the whole time really so you were in a horrible situation or you think this is it there's listen we on and off every day the day i was off my sister was on yes wait this was your sister yes oh oh

eugenia Chastaman eugenia oh my gosh so uh is she what or was she older or younger or twins she must have been yeah that's true i mean it's quite obvious quite obviously she must have been she must have been right and uh you guys knew each other from school obviously you must have sat next to each other because your names are so well yes i know you and your sister knew each other sisterhood i'm saying uh robert over here uh you got to know each other in high school because you sat next to each other we were in homeroom together really yeah what do you do in homeroom i didn't have a homeroom mostly we pass notes back and forth oh that sounds adorable it was pretty cute see i didn't get to do that because you homeschooled me that's right and you're a better

man for it yes what was your homeschool experience like well eugenia and Cecilia would sit me down and well mother i should say mother and mother mother and mother and mother but i well now father i was explaining to a stranger about the the family never talked to outsiders about the family you i don't know maybe we shouldn't be here father anyways they would sit me down and they would teach me everything about birds and bees and trees and letters yeah so the four subjects birds be these trees letters birds be trees letter oh be trees letter birds be trees letter did you ever see a bird be in a tree ever seen a letter when you now got better ever seen a bee when you got the look at many

that's how i want to think of thee what a wonderful song and you would sing that every day we would sing that for her instead of the national anthem we would sing that every morning yes we put our hands over our hearts who are these kids singing the national anthem every morning they ship them in they ship that's where i came in i was one of the children shipped in for the song which is why i always enter singing because i had been trained to do so chastity has a voice of an angel i would love there here's an example so angelic look at that bass note don't sit tones of chastity yes now chastity would sing the national anthem as we would it was a compare and contrast so so that so that so that so that so that are you all right i flashed on those stairs for a second

she would see she would sing the national anthem we would say to bramston see that's how they do it okay i would love to hear the national anthem because you must know it oh say can you see it she sets it up very see this is when i know these whole words and the interpretation is just delightful a hamburger and hamburgers cooked by the and the flock it's red flares glaring down in here's hairs for the land of opportunity

and stand on guard for thee birds, bees, trees, lettuce angry birds, me from above this is taking me right back to my childhood right well so I was homeschooled but we brought your childhood sweethearts or you've only been married three weeks did you three weeks three weeks of marriage I

saw I saw him across the way so I'm sitting in his little desk doing his little pencils you have a little desk when you you're homeschooled you're the only one there well I built it I had to build a rickety little thing you're handsy that way oh my father has always said I'm quite handsy he's quite handsy and I said

here you put your hands to good use just stop groping me it was hard to discover what a man is when I'm being taught by mother and mother and that's also why they shipped in the other children like how you know if you're human you can't teach a dog how to pee he has to see another dog pee he has to

see German you speak German you speak English in two different accents yes I'm not well what's going on with you do you have you're not sickly are you I'm super sick yeah I'm dying the blood in my body is has been being rejected I didn't want to bring it up because I know you're not well is it a

different blood type it's all kinds of different bloods have been mixed into his body and I got I got the front of my blood type is Jay oh I've never heard of that one yeah it's new Jay positive 2019 which one did big pharma just invented I'm Jay positive I thought so yeah I can tell from your disposition yeah and it's

not it's not great that's why he had such a hard time with the stairs does not transfer oxygen well so all of your blood has been replaced by a new synthetic Jay positive blood well it's not synthetic it's just an amalgam of all the different bloods I've had they just mix them all together and then they

injected into your body a bit of corn starch in there something there's some carrot syrup oh no it's quite thick yeah it's very syrupy and well I guess it's clogging up poor charity I didn't want to bring it up hard sorry we're on our honeymoon and all that you're still on your honeymoon we are currently this is

the honeymoon oh really you came to Los Angeles this was our gift to them they came along though where are you from where are we exactly the same where else would we be from but but the place we came from oh I see together and so you say you're dying I mean should you go to the hospital

no this is this is the way that it is with with wives in the family they die within three weeks usually of really so wait a minute did you know that going in I knew I knew you did and you wanted to die I wanted to die you know I am not meant for this world we call her death wish chastity yeah it's a fun little yeah

it is fun but it's less fun when it becomes reality and serious and man my wife's going to die yeah how long do you have on this 14 14 to 12 20 more minutes oh really yeah that sounds about right how do you feel chastity I'm not well this is this is ending oh no what your life or the the life the life I live

you just say my life she's getting out of highfalut she's getting out of the life oh I see getting out of this conscious mother father what should we do I'm losing my brain you are you've gone pale and you have sunk into your knee and you're yeah you're my teeth are loose my teeth are loose my knee pads making

more comfortable for you yes if you put them under my eyeballs oh my god your nostrils just fell out oh no my god the holes fall out the holes fell out it's weird it's so strange I'm doing I'm turning inside out as all women do difference that's what mother taught us after 40 you turn inside out that's why

women becoming visible that's why men don't see us anymore we turn inside out that scans that scans mother like as if we went over a swing very very fast oh yes my wife oh no my life my life my wife for us as well chastity we will miss you you were a wonderful addition to the family for

this fortnight and a half go on you've been the best wife I've ever had how many of you have six what no nothing did you not did you what you've had six wives wait wait what oh I don't want to die no no no need to know the truth yeah stop turning inside out put those nostrils back in oh right right up oh god you've had

six wives I've had a few wives this is your sixth wife and they've all died yes he's playing after three weeks yes he's planning a trip to St. Ives yes I don't know what that's where they make the creams in the soaps and the scrubs you have to have seven wives to go to St. Ives oh I have no idea what do you

think this bag of cats is for but wait chastity you did not know that you were the sixth wife I didn't I didn't know this I'm sorry I thought I was the seventh oh yes I thought I was completing the the site Ives no I need one more wife who is going to take well that depends on father and mother they arrange every

one of them do you have a candidate in mind well we ship someone in but I have a very good daughter who could be a pride so good would you like to meet her yes yeah she oh she's been outside this entire time okay what oh yeah bring her in this is a surprise there's another Medorabel come in Medorabel this is

Medorabel hello what a beautiful voice thank you are you the sweet little app with apple of my eye Branson pickle what's your name Branson chest boy are you ever a little a pickle for to remember my god well truly is a pickle to remember you can't talk you can barely talk what did you say what's your name again me yeah

yeah oh we've met before yes we're blood cousins you and I we should we be we be getting married mother yes madhula bell is it madhula bell madhula bell madhula bell madhula bell madhula bell and madhula bell in different in a different language yeah I believe it's madhula bell so now you're you're madhula

bell Chastaman yes and you you've never met Branson only traded letters apparently those letters but I think they wrote them on my behalf because they set up all these know I see well what I held the pen in my left hand so it looked like a little kid with some keys that were backwards on the lemonade side and you

fell asleep on your hand as well yeah dude the stranger yeah why are you making that weird voice no reason so well I mean what do you think you guys I mean if you like what you see you chastity meet madhula bell madhula bell madhula bell this will hurt yeah well this is what this will hurt this is hurting

honey what's with her eyeballs what's with those little eyeballs she's dying very soon their nostrils fell out get rid of her get her out of here well let's have some decor I'm madhula bell maybe we get a little married what do you say pickle man well first Chastity has to die so that I can then be Chastity

what's our ETA on this it's done really you're out there she goes oh and she's gone now my chastity oh it's fine well get over Jesus said it is finished and Chastity said it's done she's done she's crumpled on the floor scat all right so if you want to have a ceremony here I mean it wouldn't be the wouldn't be the

first wedding ceremony I believe okay well don't make it not special all right heavenly father look down upon this union it's my favorite part oh that's like a lot of me that's it you're breathless again father breathe honey breath in breath in oh god you're out of breath already I haven't sung in 50 years

really what what a joyless life you've had yeah it sucks Branson yes father look upon your brother I'm looking I'm looking and say to her oh I wish you love you like nobody's business I wish you love you like know that he's in such loose vowels little bit of column a little bit of column I do you

have a bit of a leak going on from excitement oh let's try now then menu the bell yes look upon your beloved yeah and repeat after me I shall love you until the day that I die in a fortnight and a half I love you love you love you oh I shall love you and until the fortnight and and then the

blood gets transferred back and forth I think she's going rogue she's got into full scat father she's a scat wow well done and is that the bell I will finish the ceremony will you do it with me of course yeah I love to see a wedding I like to see people in love

the end father mother am I married yeah the end what does the end mean it means the end mother you know so nothing happens between the two parties involved let me go to say knives

for the I mean like the you may kiss the bride party then maybe that's not maybe that's not yes you may go to hell here we go thank you you got them off of the chastity spotty okay here we go and wrap it around yep yeah sounds like me when I'm eating a

Thomas is English muffins yep I came only after two whole licks this one's a keeper father matter that's what I say after eating a Thomas is English muffin one two licks this one to keep the rain well guys this is this is beautiful I mean what's more beautiful than crosstalk Thomas is

English muffin she has to answer there you go I mean we said it was going to happen and it did we are psychic I think that's how I was thinking of it but you're right about what we're going to do I was thinking we were as good as our word but I think you're right you're just

psychic what we said did come to pass you would you be considered psychic if you predicted things you were going to do and then you just did them you got to do them though you gotta do you got to be a fraud that's a that was a fun episode you enjoyed that one I had so much fun I love playing with

I love just being with those guys and Kirby is somebody that I've only gotten to play with a few times and she's you know she's wonderful and so funny and it was great there was a for me it was such a fun combination of people yeah it was a great combo of people I don't think did you know Kirby beforehand or

had you met her a bunch of times okay so yeah it was just one of those great combination sometimes in booking the show yeah as the person who books it I always try to find a fun combination of people and sometimes it's good to pick people who have worked together about you look like you're nodding off no I'm

emphatically nodding I'm not but not they look they look very similar you look as if what I was saying was the most boring thing you had ever heard Midnight Mass not off where you catch yourself when your head drops down so we stick to your own side of the street I tried sometimes I tried to book people

who have worked together a lot and that can be the ease of relationship between the people can lead to a really fun episode but then sometimes people who have never worked together just magic happens and that is and then sometimes you do either one of those and it's terrible yeah frequently and those episodes are

not on the best we'll say by the way Kevin texted me a bit of information in the prequel comic to Justice League gods and monsters Joe chill is the right-hand man of Lou moxin when Batman corners them during a meeting with the other crime lords he kills Lou moxin and

drinks Joe chill's blood this is an alternate universe take I believe thank you for that information Kevin all right great drinks is blood I don't know that okay so I've I've hated a few people in my life personality conflicts obviously sure I

don't think that I would as much as I just like someone I don't think I would find any pleasure in drinking their blood I don't want I don't want to drink any blood I would drink blood of people I love and I love them which means it includes their blood and you love them so you have to drink their blood you know when

I love when I when I love someone I love all of them I love their organs yeah especially one in particular no when I love someone even a friend it means I love their sexual organs can you say that to a friend and have it not be weird in this climate I love your fingertips to your vagina organs your

organs of generation all right that's gonna do it for us for part one but look part two is just around the corner coming up in a few days around the clock on Thursday where the fudge is made and it is we're good on on Thursday's episode part two we are going to be counting we're gonna finally get into

the single digits so we're gonna hear single digits yeah but let's tell you what this will be fun Silver Sun pickups came on tell you what Silver Sun pickups came on and you heard their their voices certainly talking but what if we heard them sing let's close out the episode they were so

nice they were nice enough to get into the into the episode and they also I didn't do it they sent a message wondering if they should campaign for their episode as well so and by the way you're allowed to do that you are you have not done it in recent years you did it a long time I

used to do you used to do it you used to go out there and campaign for certain episodes yeah I think the only house haven't voted in many years I used to used to vote and try to jack up your stats just vote for all my episodes yeah of course I would why wouldn't I you do the same you do the same you

haven't did the only person I believe that that put out a call for people to vote for their episode was Thomas middle dishes here oh yeah we'll see how that ended up let's play one of the songs that Silver Sun pickups played in their episode this was cut from the episode so this is a treat no this is

in the episode no it was not cut but I heard it so if you're not into music turn it off right now and consider this to be the end of the episode but this is a great song let's hear a little bit of Silver Sun pickups and we'll see you on Thursday okay bye bye time

is never worth my time blue shine bleeds into my eyes and I still sleep on the right side while the white noise can leave the scene behind could it be anything you want me to be so is it meant to be saying right when you see yourself in a crowded room

do you think I said show you passed away when you step in line or at least I could can you fall asleep when a panic switch you see yourself in a crowded room do you think I said show you passed away when you step in line or at least I could can you fall asleep when a panic and I'll try to hold on tight tonight

pink slip inviting me inside wanna burn skin and brown one once was mine but the red fuse keep ripping if I go anywhere you want me to go how will I know you still follow I'll know when you see yourself in a crowded room do you think I said show you passed away when you step in line or at least I

could can you fall asleep when a panic switch you see yourself in a crowded room do you think I said show you passed away when you step in line or at least I could can you think she'll sleep when a panic music waiting, fading and floating away waiting, fading and floating away

waiting, fading and floating away waiting and fading and floating away music when you see yourself in a crowded room do you think I said show you passed away when you step in line or at least I could can you fall asleep when a panic switch you see yourself in a crowded room

do you think I said show you passed away when you step in line or at least I could can you think she'll sleep when a panic music