Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Best of 2024 Part 1

Episode Date: December 23, 2024

Merry Best Of’s to all from Comedy Bang! Bang! Join Scott and Paul F. Tompkins as they countdown numbers fourteen through eleven of the Best CBB episodes of 2024 as voted by YOU listeners. Plus, the exciting return of the Snowman game. Tune in Thursday for Part 2! Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb 

Oh, yeah. Oh yeah, Comedy Bang Bang. I decided to echo the oh yeah, the theme song this year. Oh yeah. Is that what you're saying? Oh yeah. I truly don't know. I know we have the sheet music in the Comedy Bang Bang book and he corrects exactly what it is,

but I think he thought it was an indeterminate scream, perhaps. It's not a human word. What do you think it is? Is it an alien word? I think that it's from outer space. Outer space? Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh Yeah, I'm the scat man. What? Call back to the Solo Bolo from a couple of days ago. Oh, I don't want to hear that.

You don't want to hear a call back to the Solo Bolo? I don't want to hear anything about any Solo Bolos. Why not? It's exclusionary. You want to be invited to the Solo Bolos? I want my own Solo Bolo. You should do this for every one of your guests. Everyone should get a solo bolo every year. I feel like this is our solo bolo.

Is it not? We have to do all this dumb business. Yeah. I try to have fun and then you're like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Do you want to do a 20 minute sing-along? I mean, yeah. I don't think I would hate it.

All right. Let's try to do that in episode four at the very end. We'll give it a 20-minute signal. No, people would be so mad. People would be very mad. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang, best of 2024, part one. Yeah, it's got to start somewhere. Usually, we started at one.

That's right. You can't start with part three, because then you're like, are they going to do four next? Or are they going to go down to two and then to one and then loop back to four? This is a good point. Here's what I wanted to tell everyone who's by the way, my tongue, as discussed on future episodes of Freedom, I bit the side of my tongue pretty hard. It has been difficult to podcast and, uh, it's still a little tender on the left hand side, she said. I have a confession to make.

Who are you? Usher? I don't get that. Yeah. I gather he had a song. Part two? He had a full album. Oh, full album.

Confessions. It's a lot of confessions. This is my confession. Well, I didn't listen because that's obviously protected by the church. The sanctity. You're not a priest. Yeah. It's the. What if he made that album and he only gave it to priests?

I would respect it. I would respect it. Probably wouldn't be as popular. And what if it, what if it caught on with priests though? And they're like, this actually slaps. And then what if it went up the charts because enough priests loved it. Yes.

Yes. Do you think there are enough priests in the world to make a hit song? That's a gigantic philosophical question. What if we gathered every priest in the world in a recording studio? Now are we talking one denomination or all denominations? Whomever can be called a priest. Because you know what? I saw the movie Conclave, which is about electing a pope.

Oh. And all the- Fun, I guess. All the- Are there enough pope movies in the world? Here's what's so funny, is that the few pope movies that we have- Have been the last, seems like six months. Yeah.

They all sort of make one brief mention to the horrible child molestation scandals. And then they move on. But the movie's never about that. Yeah. It's like, you gotta acknowledge it. Otherwise you're going to get complaints in your review about it. It doesn't even mention molestation. It's like, oh, okay. They talked about it. Yeah. Okay. It's like, if you're, if you, who gives a shit about the rest of the potpourri if they're not addressing that? Yeah, like how do they mention in passing, like, boy, did you hear about that? They mention it because there's like a little

campaigning going on. There's a very conservative candidate that Ralph Fiennes and Stanley. These are all fake popes or these are real popes? These are all fake popes. All fake popes. I wanna hear about real popes. All the cardinals are fake, all the bishops are fake.

Some fake nuns are in this. What about the citizenry of? All real people. Yeah. Um. Um. Um. They're all real people.

It said in the credits. It said it listed every single background actor and said themselves. So they mention it by, uh, as Stanley Tucci is saying, we got to block this guy because he will set the church back. You know, we will lose all the progress we made, you know, with the, with this, that, uh, with,

you know, same sex marriage, that the, of the scandals, you know, the, the, the, uh, child abuse scandals, whatever. And that was it. That was it. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. it. That was it. Yeah. Yeah.

But here's the thing. These popes. These popes. Paul, by the way, is holding up his hands in an Italian manner. It's sort of, I'm not doing the, the under. No, you're, you're doing it's, uh, almost as if you're portraying a bird. Who's looking at you and talking to yourself. I'm like, bird, I'll fly away?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's what the bird said to you. Mm-hmm. Why did we get started talking? Why did I bring up Conclave? I don't know, you were watching Conclave. Who's hoping you were? We were still a little tender on the left-hand side.

Confessions we were talking about. Confession, this is my confession. And then, popes. Oh, are there enough popes in the world? Priests, are there enough priests in the world? Yes, we did say that. Are there enough popes? No, but then I was saying, what if we gathered all priests and you said any denominations? Thank you! Because they have to form a conclave, the titular conclave, which means they get cardinals from all around the world. All around the world, these Cardinals. And most of them look the same. They're all wearing the same uniform, right?

But there's a couple of those weird guys with like the big bushy beards and the weird square hats and stuff. And it's like, are they still Catholics? Are they still, are they all the same? I don't know. I have no idea. I'm not being a Catholic myself. I know you're a last.

I know you're not being a Catholic myself. I know you're a lapsed. I know you're not being a Catholic. No. No. You are a lapsed or you are- I'm a lapsed Catholic, yes. Okay, yes. You know what?

That's so funny because it means like, I might go back someday. No, I will not. No, you have abandoned it. This is not a lapse. This is not a lapse. Okay. I've turned off the faucet.

Now, Comedy Bang Bang is not about religion, is it? In a way, you could say that it is because it gives comfort to people. I've turned off the faucet. Now, comedy bang bang is not about religion, is it? In a way you could say that it is because it, it gives comfort to people. In a way it's, you know, it's, uh, uh, religions are based on such strange things. I mean, you got Dianetics, which is a science fiction book. Start off number one. Then you got the other religions based on other science fiction books. If you know what I'm saying. based on other science fiction books. Come on Bill, come on Bill Barr. Why not have a religion based on comedy bang bang, a podcast.

Why would you say that? Because now someone's gonna do it. Oh no. Do you know there's weirdos in the world? Oh no, that's right. I forgot there are weirdos in the world. Do you know what came up last night? I did the off book holiday special live at Laudrew and backstage we were talking, I don't know howos in the world. Do you know what came up last night? I did the off book holiday special, live at Laudroom,

and backstage we were talking, I don't know how we got onto this, but we were talking about, Jess McKenna brought up the flying spaghetti monster. Do you remember that? No, what is this? That was when people, they were mocking organized religion,

pointing up how ridiculous it is, and saying, well, I believe in the flying spaghetti monster. And then there would be like a picture, people had bumper stickers and shit of this just blob of spaghetti with eyeballs. This made it to the bumpers of cars? It made it to the bumpers of cars. Yeah. That's how you know it was a serious.

That's a far traveling meme. Yeah. And then of course there's the post-aparians who would wear a colander on their heads. I like this. And they would try to get their driver's license picture taken with a colander on their head, saying it's my religion. And did anyone succeed?

You know what? I don't know. I don't know. I hope so. I hope so. I hope so. Yeah. I like people who strive for impossible things like that.

Oh, those are the real heroes that we need because that's the inspiration. Yes, a man can achieve anything. Yeah. So if, if I see somebody with a driver's license and they have a spaghetti strainer in their head, then I say, maybe I can beat this cancer. Wait, do you have cancer? Shh.

Oh, okay. Let me introduce my cancer stricken co-host for today's. I don't have cancer. No. Yes. That I know of. All right. I don't have cancer. No. Yes. That I know of. All right.

I did just have a lung screening. Oh really, how'd they do it? Everything's fine. They go put their hand down your throat and just like fiddle around in there. Yeah, it's a screening. They put me on a little bed. How little?

It's just room enough for you. Okay, so. You know what I mean? It's like a cot. For me. Like a cot. For me, not for you. Yeah. You're a little shorter mean? It's like a cot. For me. Like a cot. For me, not for you. You're a little shorter. Yeah, yeah. So you're at a little.

I'm plenty room. Yeah, okay. So anyone taller than me, no good. They're out of luck. And they slide you into this tube. It's sort of like an MRI kind of thing. Kind of a Mariah Carey kind of thing, is that what you said?

Yeah, that's exactly what I said. Yeah, what else would I have said in this context? It's like a Mariah Carey sort of thing? Is that what you said? Yeah, that's exactly what I said. Yeah, what else would I have said in this context? It's like a Mariah Carey sort of thing. Hmm, interesting. And they blast all the way from Christmas to you, and then they measured the bounce back, you know. Oh, okay. Yeah, the echo. But here's what's funny is that,

whoa, wait. Oh, wait. Wait. I wanted to encourage you, give you a preemptive laugh. You know what? Thank you. Because you know something good is coming. Yep.

So they slide you halfway into this machine. There's a robotic voice that says, take a deep breath. Why can't they just record a person saying it? I don't know. Hi, dear. Take a deep breath. I don't. That would be nice.

Stop freaking out. Yes. And then they slide you back, but above me is this camera sort of thing. And I recognized it as the, it's a part of the Xbox gaming console for games that track your movement for things. Oh, interesting. So, oh, like a Wii kind of, yeah, like a tennis, like a tennis game.

Interesting. Yeah. And it's like, they already make these. I want to get those from Xbox. But you can see the Xbox logo on it. Oh, really? Yeah, that's kind of them. Not to black it out or put tape, but Greek it, as they say in the biz. So they're saying, we're not trying to fool you. No. Yes, that is one of those Xbox things.

Yes, we're in a partnership with Xbox. I always thought that was interesting that the Revolve, the place where they film The Mandalorian and Grogu. I've never heard of this Revolve. You've never heard of the Revolve? No. It's a studio down, I believe, by Long Beach. And it's where they film a lot of these Star Wars shows. Wow.

And- I never imagined that any of that shit was shot anywhere near Los Angeles. No, you know, how they do it is they do it with this technology, they use video game technology in their cameras. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. So no one is in front of a green screen.

They're in front of a circular screen that is projecting these backgrounds on them. That as the camera moves, it uses video game technology to change the backgrounds. What? Yeah. You got to watch the, uh, the making of. So if you're the Mandalorian, not Pedro Pascal, but the guy who's in the scene. 99% of the time. I was so bummed when I found that out.

Well, it's disappointing. I mean, we expect more of Pedro Pascal. Well, what else does he have to do? You know what I mean? Exactly. He's the star of the show. What are you going to be, gladiator two? Yeah.

Well, he took his hat off once. Hat. Do you like my hat? I'm the Mandalorian. He, he took his hat off once. Hat. Do you like my hat? I'm the Mandalorian. He took his Mandalorian hat off one time. But so, okay, so if you're on that stage. Yeah. And I hope you are.

And you're turning one side cameras. Yeah. Right? Filming you. Yeah. You turn around. It's 360 degrees, I believe. So you're...

The revolve. So you're seeing, you as the actor are seeing the shift projected? Are seeing the stuff, yes. Wow. And it adds to the fact that it just feels a little more real. Well, of course it does. And then they add like a couple of potted plants and stuff,

you know, on the actual ground. Oh, nice, right, so you can like bump into it. Yeah. So it's like, it's real. It's like, who put that plant there? Although the, I guess the knock on it is that it makes everything feel like it was shot in a tiny room because it's not, you know,

no one's like leaping across the desert necessarily. Aw. Yeah. I do want people to leap across the desert. I mean, Lawrence Rabia did, didn't he? He leapt. Remember that time that he ran the mile in under a minute. That's right. They said, no, no, no one can do this.

And he said, I can. Let me put a colander on my head first. My dear boy. This is my religion. I did last night, my famous impression of Grogu walking. And I'll be happy to post a picture when this comes out. Okay, where would you get the picture from? Am I to take it?

I will have the picture and I'll provide it. I'll provide the picture to you. This is exciting. Grogu walking, I'm imagining it right now. He floats. You've seen him walk. Sure. Yeah. He, he tends to now sit in a thing and float around. Does he not? He does do that a lot.

That's helpful for everybody. For the puppeteer. For him, for the Mandalorian. Oh, the Mandalorian loves it. Can you imagine if they just walked everywhere and he'd be like having to wait to catch for him to catch up. Yeah. And Grogu's like, don't pick me up.

Don't pick me up. I want to do it myself. Pick me up. You do not. He's very, very, very me up. Don't pick me up. I want to do it myself. Pick me up. You do not. He's no, he's not going to end up talking like that. Is he? I bet he does. Oh, come on.

Did you add that was learned behavior on the part of Yoda? Like his parents, I think he has an, I think he has a disability. Just like his words get mixed up. I think he has a neurological issue. I think I has a disability. Disability? Just like his words get mixed up in his brain? I think he has a neurological issue. I think I have that too. No. No. Haven't you do?

Oh no, Paul has it now. Speaking of Paul, I need to introduce you and myself. Oh yeah, good point. My name is Scott Aukerman, I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. Correct. And we do this every year. We've been doing it now for, this is our 16th best of.

No. I don't know that you've been doing it for all 16. I think you've been doing it for 14 perhaps, but. That's a lot. Uh, it's a lot. Um. Is that fucking true? I think so.

That we've been doing this together for 14 years? Probably. That's bananas. Yeah. I haven't checked, but I think, yeah, I think the first couple of best doves maybe I did by myself. I can't remember. What was the hit song when we first started doing it?

Bumbley-o by the Gypsy Kings? I hope so. Bumbley-o! Bumbley-o! I went to a Gypsy Kings concert. Oh, this is a famous story. Because Cool Up and I really liked their cover of Hotel California. Oh yeah. Yeah. And then we got a CD, two CD best of, of the gypsy Kings and it had Hotel

California on it and I don't think I liked another song, but it was something that we listened to together when we were first dating. Absolutely. I don't think she liked it. She Hotel California on it. And I don't think I liked another song, but it was something that we listened to together when we were first dating. Absolutely, courting. I don't think she liked it. I don't think I liked it.

We went to the concert and didn't like it. You liked the one song. You said, let's check out the concert. It's gotta be full of songs like this. Sure. We love these guys. Did they do My Way? Oh, they probably did.

Yeah. I like that. So maybe they're good with covers. Those are the three that I remember. Bumbley. Bumbley. Which I'm titled 2BD. 2BD. 2B.

2BD. 2B2BD. To be determined. I mean, 2BD is actually the same amount of syllables as TBD. Yeah. And it makes more sense than TBD. What if the great melancholy Dane Hamlet had said TBD or not TBD?

Title TK or not title TK. That is TK. Let me introduce you. Please. You know him as a standup comedian, a raconteur, a, an MC of shows that he puts on called Varietopia. That's correct.

A touring comedian, a stay at home comedian. Yeah. A podcaster. Yeah. You know him perhaps as a human being and a friend, if you know him personally. Can you imagine if any of our friends listen to this podcast? No.

Please welcome for the 14th year in a row, probably Paul F. Tompkins. Hi. It's me. It's me. Welcome back to the show, Paul. hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, always, the disclaimer is, this is on you. These are the things you voted for. If you don't like any of these clips, point those three fingers back at yourself.

Yeah. Because it's your own fault. Put that thumb in your mouth, you big baby. And as for that finger that's still sticking out, put it up your fucking ass. Wow, you knew that was coming. You deserved it. Yep. But these up your fucking ass. Wow, you knew that was coming. You deserved it. Yep.

But these are your favorite episodes. We, every year, right after Thanksgiving, we put the poll out and people can vote for the 10 episodes. The clarion call goes out. Vote for Comedy Bing Bing. And the results come back and whatever the results are, we deliver those results to you in clip form. And this year is no exception.

We are this year counting down the top 14 episodes of the year. Yeah. Top 14. Top one, four. Now I should stress these are studio episodes. We also did 43 live episodes this year. We're not gonna be counting those down and doing clips.

Although that's a fine idea, but you try to find the time to do that. Yeah. Yeah. We can barely do this. There's absolutely nothing stopping the fans from doing a people's countdown. That's right.

And just stealing the clips and putting out their own episodes. Yeah. Yeah. Or reenacting clips. Oh, that would be so funny. Yes. I wouldn't mind hearing citizen reenaction.

Just get a transcription bot on it and then, uh, just read citizens reenactions. I like this idea. I'd like, I'd love to hear one of these. Reenactments. Reenactions. Reenaction sounds okay, but I think it's reenactments. You know, we should just say whatever we want. Shouldn't we?

God, thank you. You know what I mean? I'm tired of, uh, uh, you know, putting out an episode and everyone going, oh, you said this wrong or you misused this idiom. Yeah. Hey idiom. Fuck off. Yeah.

And you know what that means. Even, even if that's not the right word, you know what it means. You know what I'm saying. And you should feel bad because somebody said that to you it's not the right word, you know what it means. You know what I'm saying. And you should feel bad because somebody said that to you. I hope people feel bad out there during the holidays. We feel great. I feel so good.

This is exciting. This, this is what we do. Um, as of course I've talked about John Taylor once said, after a Duran concert. This is what we do. Uh, we do it every year and, um, we have a great time doing it. You're going to hear clips from, uh, all of the, not only the celebrities who have been on the show, but also the wonderful comedians who play, and this is what we do during the best ofs, we lift the veil, we pull back the curtain,

and we talk about the process. Yes, comedians are on this show playing fake people. Yeah. Can you imagine something like that happening? Well, I mean, yeah, I can. You participate in it. Yeah, so I can imagine it pretty well. This is some sort of a boondoggle

that I've been playing on the American public for now, you know, coming up 15 and a half years. I know we just talked about we should say whatever words we want. I'm hornswoggling people, is that okay? Hornswoggling people. Yes. Because a boondoggle I think is a mess. I think it's a. Oh, I thought it was a scam or a con. No, I think it's when things get all fucked up.

Boondoggle. I think it's like, here's what I think it might specifically be before you read it. I think it might be. Oh, okay, I know what it is now. A situation that you've gotten into promising something good or effective or whatever. I think it's used a lot with politics.

Right, so like I've been promising people a good podcast, but it's been a boondoggle. Yeah. You've, you've wound up in a boondoggle. Yes. It technically, it is a work or activity that is wasteful or pointless, but gives the appearance of having value. Uh, and so, I mean, this podcast kind of. That's incredible.

That's really incredible. It's the bill. But it's. Except for the appearance part. Yes, it's a giant con that I've been playing on, on America and the world. And yet you keep falling for it. Every episode comes out and people go like, these real people are idiots. And they're not, they're all fake people,

other than the celebrities who are very, very real. It's like when Carmilla on the soprano. Thank you. Went to see that psychiatrist, the therapist. Did she go to Melfi? No, she went to a different one. Yeah, that's proper. And this guy was not playing along.

Is this, by the way, was this the director of Paper Moon? No, it was not him. That's Melfi's psychiatrist. Therapist. This was a guy who died not long after filming this role. Good. And it makes sense because, he talked, he talked like this.

But he said to her- What is it with David Chase casting people who are just about to die? The mom, this guy. It's like, does he know something? Do you feel like it's the casting person not disclosing, by the way, this person is about to die? I really do feel like, you know, we, when you embark upon a show business job,

usually you have to get a physical, Um, and you go into some Hollywood doctor and they asked you a few questions. Talk about a boondoggle. Yeah. Kind of take out a stethoscope at one point. They're like, lifted up out of a drawer, put it back in. Then they go like, you feel pretty good. Now, you know, I, I think we may have talked about this

a long time ago, but there was a scam doctor who was maybe a real doctor, but told people that they had an irregularity, maybe a heart murmur, and they had to go get it checked out. Oh yeah, and then sent them, referred them to a place. Yes, to this place where you had to pay a bunch of money to get this scanned, and it was like, you're fine, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She, ladies can be scammers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I remember, I was telling somebody this story, and they said, she did the same thing to me, and then we compared notes with four other people.

So did you sue? Is there a class action lawsuit or no? No. That money's gone. That money's gone. Yeah, you were stupid enough to fall for this. I mean, to be fair. I mean, when a doctor tells you,

you have a heartburn. Something is fucked up with your heart, go get it checked out. In the one that I did for the Between Two Ferns movie, uh, I think they asked me a question and I told the truth and he goes, you don't want to say that. Oh, you want to do this movie, right? I'm like, yeah.

Amazing. Amazing. But I truly believe that they should do this for every actor, um, because the worst thing that can happen is, you know, actors, you're in the middle of a five year run of a, of a show and then an actor passes away in the middle and then you're like, what the fuck are we going to do?

Yeah. Um, which is why I've said before, I think an actor- Why do we name the show the old man who will never die? The first day on set, you need to film a falling down on the floor, clutching your heart. Yes.

For every cast member. For every cast member. Every cast member. No, no matter how young you are, how fit supposedly you are, uh, just film a scene where you go, ah, my heart. Can I say, I think to cover the age range, you film them, uh, like entering a, uh entering a staircase. Sure.

They get off camera. Yeah. Then you dub in whatever sound you need. I guess so. Because young people can die falling down the stairs. Or maybe we just do a stunt with every single actor of any show. Oh, to really show them.

To really show them going, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. They died in real life and they died on camera. Ha ha ha ha. We decided that the viewers would want to see them actually die. Ha ha ha ha. Um, why were we talking about? Because Carmella is telling that she thinks

I'm going to do what Tony does. Okay. And I'm going to be like. In what way? Be a gangster? No, she's going to, she'm going to do what Tony does. Okay. And I'm going to be like. In what way? Be a gangster? No. She's going to. Oh, go to therapy. She goes to therapy and says, yeah. The two things he did.

Yeah. Yeah, she goes, yeah, my husband's an organized crime and he's murdered people, blah, blah, blah. Oh, no. And this herb is like, hey, this shit is illegal and I'm not gonna help you out here. Like, here's what you do, get out of this situation. Leave this man, go as far away as you can. You know, this is bad, it's not good. And she's like, what?

And he goes, the one thing, this is what made me think of it. The one thing you can never say is, you haven't been told. Wow. And then she never goes back to therapy and she stays with her husband, the murderous gangster. That's right. But there was not a sad ending for her or her husband. No, everybody was great. They went to go eat pizza.

Yeah. Which is great. Pizza's great. Pizza's good. They listened to a great song in the jukebox. Oh my God. They parallel parked successfully. A few people came into the restaurant.

Yeah. Had nothing to do with them. Tony looked, was just like LA. Tony looked up, didn't know who they were, looked back. Just like LA. Just like LA. A door opens, everybody looks. Oh, it's not a famous person.

And they go back to their meal. Oh, my heart was racing for a second. Oh, you made me look up. This is what we do. We talk about the, uh, the episodes. Yes. If you've never heard comedy bang bang, the format of the show is occasionally we will have celebrities on the show playing themselves as themselves.

For themselves. Now times have been lean with celebrities over the past few years. Yeah. The pandemic, of course, we took a blow, although then you had a lot of celebrities with time on their hands, but not good microphones. No, they refused.

They refused to get decent, even when they were given the microphones, they didn't use them. There was a particular guest who I saw, we sent detailed instructions to, and then I saw this person make their assistant do it on camera for them, and then it was not done correctly.

That's right. And recorded very poorly. That's right. But that was the pandemic, and then of course the strike. You had celebrities not able to be on the show. But now stars are back and you'll hear a bunch of them on these episodes. We have a good amount of well known

people going to be on these clips. Yeah. Speaking of celebrities and zoom recordings. I know I was going to say that I experienced this, but I did not a friend of mine experienced this. A friend of mine experienced this. A friend of mine who's a writer was on a, it was like a live read for some charity thing. Can I tell you, I honestly can't remember if I witnessed this personally or if someone told me this.

Really? Okay. Interesting. So you, you can see it in your mind, but it could have been a mental image that you made when the story was told. Exactly. So it's a bunch of like well-known people, right? And they're going over the, whoever is organizing this is going over the things, the tech things that you have to do. Technical, by the way.

Connect this, click on that one. For those of you listening, that's what tech stands for. And so they're doing a test and a lot of people just have clearly not followed the instructions. Great. Then fucking Don Cheadle says, guys, it's simple. Here's what you do.

There's a dropdown menu, you select this, click on that. Then you go to this other one. You click on that, like he fucking. Cheadle! He, Cheadle was like, hey, I'm famous too. You can't use that as an excuse. Yes, thank you fucking. Cheetal. He, Cheetal was like. Thank you, if you're gonna do something. Hey, I'm famous too. You can't use that as an excuse. Yes, thank you. Get this shit together.

Thank you, Cheetal. Thank you, Cheetal. Thank you, Cheetal. We want you on Comedy Bang Bang this year. Do you know what? Can we, like we're doing the clips of the shows. Yeah. But every episode, can we have one clip

of Don Cheetal from Ocean's Eleven? Yeah. We can do that. Just like, a little drop in, you know what I mean? We can do that. Why don't we find one right now and we'll play it right now before we get to our other clips.

Scott, this is great. Here we go. This is Don Cheadle. First we have an ad for G2A.com. All right, now we're going to Don Cheadle in a safe or something. In a bank. Oh there he is. They blew up a safe and kind of the hinges of the safe or whatever and it's now open there's a lot haze, a lot of smoke and alarm went off. You toss us.

You toss us. You have one job to do. All right. Great, thank you. You're welcome. From what I understand, that accent was his choice. Yep. And then he later regretted it.

There is, when I just looked up Don Cheadle, Ocean's 11, there is a video by the looked up Don Cheadle, Ocean's Eleven, there is a video by the title of Don Cheadle was cursed out by fans for his accent in Ocean's Eleven. Cursed out? And I think it's an interview with him where he talks about this. It's only 23 seconds long. When I did the Ocean's movie, you know, which famously I've been destroyed for the accent. You toss us. You had one job to do.

The clip we just saw. People hated the accent. You taught us. You had one job. The clip we just saw. People hated the accent. Some people would come up to me and curse me out as a result of it. I'm like, it's a comedy. It's a movie. We're messing around. We didn't really rob a casino. That's, that's not what they're saying, Don Cheadle. No, they're saying the accent is bad.

Here's what I like. He's saying, this is how stupid you are. Yes. You have a problem with my accent? Yeah. Oh, you think the whole movie is real? Oh, you think my accent is real? You idiot.

But it's funny to imagine somebody going up and saying, fuck you, Don. Can you imagine going up to Don Cheadle and being upset with him about anything? Cursing him out. Yeah, get out of here. I love Cheadle. I love Cheetal. I love Cheetal. Cheetal, we need you on Comedy Bang Bang in 2025. Cheetal we needle.

Cheetal we needle. Can we start a hashtag Cheetal we needle? I was just gonna say Cheetal we needle, N-E-A-D-L-E. Yes, Cheetal we needle. All right, so we're gonna do that every episode. Also to hype something coming up a little bit later at the end of each episode, we are going to play the snowman game. The snowman game.

If you have not heard, uh, one of our best ofs before we have an exciting game. We will detail a little bit later that involves a spinning snowman. And, uh, usually Paul and I bet on it. And, uh, I don't believe I've taken you to dinner for last year yet. No. And I think we should up it to the, uh, the Mitt Romney wager and, uh, $10,000. His favorite meat is hot dogs. Can you imagine spending $10,000 on hot dogs?

Oh man. What's the most you would spend on a hot dog? One hot dog. A hundred dollars. Would you spend a hot dogs? Oh man. What's the most you would spend on a hot dog? One hot dog. $100. Would you spend $100? No. I might.

If it was like fancy hot, because there was that burger that had gold leaf in it that was like $80 or something. There was some, like some $20,000 omelet or some shit that some hotel had. You just need one person to buy it? I feel like you can get out of the business. Yep. I feel like. You can get out of the business. Yep. I promise the bank.

I feel like there's no way you would taste a hundred dollar hot dog and say, I taste all hundred dollars in this. Hot dogs are like 20 bucks though now if you go out. 20 bucks? Yeah, everything go out to a restaurant. 20 bucks? Yeah, everything's $20 now. Like they don't have-

Hot dog at a restaurant? Yeah. I always feel bad ordering a hot dog at a restaurant, but you'll see it on a menu occasionally. What? Where? I'll clock the price. Restaurants. What's a restaurant?

Name any restaurant. Okay, uh, Weederschnitzel. Paul? I'm here to tell you. What's a restaurant? Name any restaurant. Okay, Wiederschnitzel. Paul, I'm here to tell you, there are hot dogs on this. I don't mean a fast food restaurant. I mean like a restaurant. I've never seen a hot dog.

But say even like Shake Shack or something like that. Shake Shack is probably not $20. No. But it's probably 13. It's not a restaurant. It's, uh, I wear a tuxedo when I go there. That's what you do. But do they have waiters?

They have waiters. They have a wait staff. They have a maitre d. No, you have to slip them 20. Just to even get in. Effectory that into the price of a hot dog. Oh sure. Oh no, maitre d bribes.

Yeah, I forgot. My Matri-D bribe budget this year was astronomical. That was on Lil Wayne's PBE loan breakdown. Oh geez. Did you read the article? I skimmed it. Yeah. Mystery women.

Wasn't that a line item? Yeah, including, yeah. If you don't know what we're talking about, it's a terrible, uh, story that broke about musicians taking advantage of, of taxpayers. Um, including the littlest of Waynes. Yeah. Is he the littlest? He is.

They're, they're. Are we sure about this? He should be the littlest Wayne. Are we positive he's the littlest Wayne out there? I don't know. What other Waynes do we know? We know Bruce Wayne. Wayne we positive he's the littlest Wayne out there? I don't know. What other Waynes do we know? We know Bruce Wayne.

Wayne Rogers. Wayne Shorty. Who's Wayne Shorty? Musician, I believe. Wayne Shorty. Let me look this up. From Trombone Shorty, maybe? It's his name, Wayne?

Oh, I'm thinking Wayne Shorter. Wayne Shorter. An American jazz saxophone. He's a jazz musician. Oh, I'm thinking Wayne Shorter. Wayne Shorter. In American jazz saxophone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Wayne Shorty is a pretty good name. It is a good name, especially if the Y is an I instead. Yeah. Like the Wawa Shorty.

Or especially if the Y is an ER. Just like, hey, speaking to George Clooney, ER. Errr. Errr, do watch our show. What's the show, errr? Can you imagine like being asked to invest in ER? Do people invest in TV shows? Of course they do all the time.

And going like, oh yeah, people are gonna watch a show called, errr. And then it comes out and it's huge. Who knows? Um, in any case, uh, we, Paul, we gotta get to it. Yeah, we do. Do you think we should get to it? We're counting down the top 14 episodes this year. I'm so sorry.

Can I very quickly pitch my idea for a TV show? It's like an X-Files kind of thing called the Department of Unusual Humans. Sure. Yeah. Okay. Oh, is that it? Yeah.

Oh, oh. I mean, it's known by an acronym. Department of Unusual Humans. Trying to work this out in my head. Yeah, really work on it. Department starts with an E. Department starts with an E. Department starts with an E. Apartment? That's what they lived in in the matrix. E-apartments. E-apartments. Electronic apartments. It's all online. All right. Let's get to it. We are going to now get to the first clip that we're going to hear. This is the top 14, which means this is your number 14.

Number one, four. There they are again. Okay. Let's speak to the controversy. Yeah. I, you obviously heard what just happened. Yeah. There's no mistaking it.

We used the same numbers that we've been using for now. This is our 16th best of episode or best of year. Yeah. This is probably more like we used to do just one episode for the first year than maybe a two parter and then now it's four parts. Yeah. Um, so we've done hundreds of these and we've

used. If not hundreds. If not hundreds. And we've used the same countdown numbers for now, uh, 16 years in a row. And we were going to record these numbers ourselves using professional musicians, as well as ourselves. We were going to get in there and kind of maybe

shove our way to the front right in front of the mic. But here's what happened. We asked people to remind us to do this. All we need is a reminder. And no one remind us. Literally no one ever wrote us a social media message or an email or on the streets. We look, we were on tour this entire year. We met hundreds of fans.

And hundreds of fans. No one ever said like, Oh, by the way. Not a single person. We would have done it. We gave them a date. We said, said like, Oh, by the way, not a single person. We would have done it. We gave them a date. We said, remind us on this date. It was like in June.

Get it done in advance. I'll say it again. Okay. This year, June 1st, June 1st, keep it nice and clean. June 1st, please write to us on social media emails, whatever you need. If you see some person tell us remind us't do it before that to re record. Don't do it before then because we're not ready. We're not, we're busy with other stuff.

The first half of the year is just packed. Jam packed. Always. Meanwhile, then the summer comes and we have so much time to do this. Yeah. We need to know on June 1st. We need to know on June 1st so we can get everything together, do it in plenty of time, and then we'll... It takes time to gather musicians. Yeah, it does. To write the charts. It does. You have to do it Ocean's Eleven style, where you say, we need a saxophonist, we need a piano player. Are you in or you out right now? These are not

code words. They are what they are. Yes. And okay, so then we'll be able to re-record all the numbers. We'll do in fact, extra numbers just in case. Sure, like we'll make up numbers. Sleep Slop. Oh, how's that a number though? We're making it up. Numbers, sleep slop.

But then it's still a number though? Yeah, it's a number. That's what, it doesn't exist yet, right? Right, but where would you say it falls? Sleep Slop. But then it's still a number though? Yeah, it's a number. That's what it doesn't exist yet, right? Right. But where would you say it falls? Sleep Slop. Uh, I mean, probably in between 331 and 332. Oh, see, I was thinking much, much higher to where you get past like trillions and bazillions and all that shit.

Oh yeah. What's the highest number right now? Let me look this up. Septillion? Is that the highest? I don't Let me look this up. Septillion. Is that the highest? I don't know. Other than infinity, of course.

I think it's infinity still. I think it's that the numbers just keep going. There is no highest number because numbers can always be increased by adding one. Yeah. But I mean, what's the highest number we have the name for? That we've named is what I'm trying to say. Like what's a Google?

Google is the answer is right here. The number one followed by 100 zeros. That's so many zeros. That we have a name for. It is Googleplex. Googleplex. Googleplex. The number one followed by a Google zeros.

They fucking got you. They fucking did it. But you know what? Let's make a Google Plaza, a Googleplex followed by a Google of zeros. Yeah. In honor of Aubrey Plaza. And we do honor her. We do every year around this time of year.

We honor Aubrey Plaza. Scott and I will do a little silent moment before we start recording. Thinking of Aubrey Plaza, thinking of her in Mike and Dave, we need wedding dates, thinking of her in White Lotus Season Two. Sure. Thinking of her in. Parks or recreation. Thinking of her in all of the other projects, which we love Aubrey.

And thinking of her famous talk show appearances. Yes. With her and Jim O'Hare. Her dry, acerbic personality. That's right. We love her, we honor her. Thinking of her basketball times. Yes, we tried to drive by her house

around this time of year. Yeah, but we don't know where it is. So. We think we've done it. We think. We. I remember there was one year where we're like, that felt like it.

We both got like a chill down our spine. Yeah, same time. We were like, I think we did. Anyway, Google Plaza, that is, we've just coined it. So now if you enter in Google, what's the highest number that we have a name for, that should take the place of Google Play. It should.

So make that happen, guys. Make it happen. In the meantime, the number that we have a name for that should take the place of Google play. It should. So make that happen, guys. Make it happen. In the meantime, the number that we're talking about is number 14. Correct. And this is, I'm going to give a little background on the episodes. Fun. And then I'm going to say the title of them. I'm going to say when they came out. I'm going to say the episode number. So while you're doing that, I'll sit here with my thumb up my ass.

That's not going to take that long Paul. You don't know how fast I can get my thumb up there. Oh, there it is. Ah, yeah, that's what it sounds like going in. Boy, what's it sound like going out? Oh, you don't want to hear that. All right. Turn off the mics.

All right. This is, uh, the first episode on our countdown. This is episode 14. This is episode number 872. Shh. That's. 872. Fairly high in the eight hundreds.

Pretty high, although maybe about two thirds, almost two thirds of the way through. Two thirds, I think is. No, almost three quarters of the way through. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In fact. This came out on July 8th of 2024. Great time of year. And this is an episode entitled, Wolfarangs.

Who do you think would be in this one, Paul? I bet, I bet Jack Furs appears in this one. Jack Furs does appear. Okay. Let me list the participants. We have in addition to myself, which I will never say again, we have Jack Quaid. Jack Quaid. Hollywood's good boy. Hollywood's good boy.

You know him from the television show, The Boys. You know him from the movie Oppenheimer where he plays Mr. Bongo. He's in an upcoming movie that comes out in he plays, uh, Mr. Bongo's, um, he's in an upcoming movie that comes out in just a few weeks, which is, uh, I believe a horror movie that, uh, Zach Kroeger, I think produced, I'm looking forward to. And, um, he is also in a show called Star Trek Lower Decks. That's correct.

With our other guest, Tawny Newsome is in this episode. That's correct. They play, of course, Boimler and, uh, what's her name? I know it's like a thing, right? Like a trellis or something like that. Mmm, not really. What is it? It, it does. It is something that you can use to describe a person.

Okay. Fleshy? No, it's more like an occupation. An occupation. Oh, Mariner. Yes, that's right. Okay. I got there.

Not Fleshy. Good character name though. They play Mariner and Boimler in the Star Trek Lower Decks show, which just released its series finale, perhaps. For now. Although you can always make more. Full disclosure, I also appear on that show

from time to time as a bird man. This did not affect the voting. Now this particular episode came out in the middle of July and what I always do- Interesting. You consider the 8th of July the middle. And yet- Anything after the first is the middle.

And yet 872 is not necessarily high up in the 800s. You're a curious fellow. Anything after the first of July up to the 31st is the middle of July as far as I'm concerned. Anything more than a mouthful is a waste. Now, what I do when The Boys comes out is I always reach out to Jack and I say, hey, Jack, do you want to do a comedy bang bang episode

for the premiere of The Boys? And he's undoubtedly filming something and busy. Yes. And so we do now what we've entitled the mid-season check-in. That's correct. That's correct. Which, you know.

You pioneered the mid-season check-in. I pioneered this format. Now, a know. You're the, you pioneered the mid-season check-in. I pioneered this format. Now a lot of shows, they get a lot of press when they come out. Cause everyone wants everyone to watch the premiere knowing that viewership will taper out as the season progresses. Um, what we do is we do the mid-season check-in where, uh where we try to promote the midpoint of a season in order to just pump that viewership

back up and just get people listening or, and watching, you can use all five of your senses when it comes to a TV show or a movie. You're totally allowed. You can touch the TV. Sure. You can smell it. Give it a sniff.

Scratch and sniff. Don't scratch your TV. No, don't let your cat scratch your TV either. Don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys. So in any case, I reached out to Jack. He had a little time. I then, as far as I'm remembering, Tawny and Jack know each other from the lower deck show and they've done episodes together.

So I just reached out to Tawny saying, hey, are you around as well? Because it's fun to have them both together. Tawny was available. And then we also got Ben Rogers on the show. Now, I don't know whether, has a Jack Furs episode ever been on the countdown before? I don't know.

I don't know either. And I forgive me if I've told this story before of how Jack Furs came to be. You are forgiven, thank you. Um, Jack Furs, the genesis of Jack Furs as a character was actually in the auditions for the Between Two Ferns group. Yes, you have mentioned this.

I have mentioned this. Okay. So, uh, uh, we were trying to disguise what everyone was auditioning for. So I think then he has, maybe he has appeared on the Temple War. Maybe he this. Yes. Okay. So, uh, uh, we were trying to disguise what everyone was auditioning for. So I think then he has, maybe he has a pair on the counter. Maybe he has. Yeah.

I'll just kind of refresh everyone's memory. We were trying to just disguise what the movie was, so not even people auditioning for it didn't even know what it was. We just said it was like, I think we said, oh, it's set at a news station. Um, and then they would get there and Zach would be there and they'd go, they would go, what is this?

And they would audition with Zach. And, um, I had been, uh, into improv and everyone just, just basically was told like, you can pick one of these roles, cameraman, sound person, man, woman. Yes. cameraman, sound person. Man woman. Yes, cameraman woman TV picture. And he picked cameraman and he came in with an improv to scene and he had all this backstory that was so funny. I reached out to him later and I said, Hey, are you, have you done that before?

It was, we're not going to cast you, but. It was, we're not going to cast you, but, it was so specific. Uh, I was like, have you done that before? He goes, no, I just created that for the audition. I said, well, let's turn this into a comedy bang bang character because it's very, very funny. So this has become a beloved character. Jack Furs essentially is, uh, it's, it's a lot

like Peter Parker in Spider-Man. He is a cameraman at a local news station who is a vigilante named the Night Wolf. Right. And. Which he, he intimates. He keeps talking about the Night Wolf as if it's a different person, but it's very obvious that

he is the Night Wolf. Yes. So this is maybe his seventh or obvious that he is the Nightwolf. Yes. So this is maybe his seventh or eighth appearance on is the Nightwolf. So the lore of the Nightwolf, go back and listen to the episodes, they're very, very funny. So the clips that we're gonna hear are,

first we have Jack and Tawny coming on to talk about the boys. You'll wonder why I'm not talking about Star Trek Lower Decks if you don't know when this came out, but it was the mid-season check-in about the boys. Exactly. Then- You never do a between seasons check-in about a show.

Oh, why would you do that? Yeah. Then we are going to hear Tawny playing a character named Escrow Philanthropa. And those are the clips we're gonna hear. This is your episode number 14. Number one, four. Now, Jack, you're Hollywood's good boy,

as we've established. Yep. I am Hollywood's good boy. But here's where I feel like you're tarnishing your image because I look at your Instagram. Why? I know. Let him finish. I need to know how I'm tarnishing my image.

I see these pictures on this, from the set. I'm holding Tawny back now. She is coming for you how I'm tarnishing my image. I see these pictures on this. I'm holding Tani back now. She is coming for you. I'm, I see these pictures of you on the set. And it seems like every picture you're holding up the middle finger to the camera. Yeah. That's not Hollywood's good boy material here.

It's the, you know, a while ago we were like, Hey, wouldn't that be fun? And now that's the thing that we do. And it's all directed actually, every time that we were like, hey, wouldn't that be fun? And now that's the thing that we do. And it's all directed actually, every time that we do it, we're like, this is for Scott Ackerman. So it is directed at you. It's personal to me?

Yeah. I don't think of it, this is an exclusive for CBB. Every time we're doing it. And by the way, I wasn't doing the show at the time. I was just like, maybe one day I'll be able to reveal this. So you corral everyone in there, explain who I am. And then they're like, oh yeah, I'm more than happy to do this.

And the explanation takes a long time. Cause they're like, wait, it's a show? And it's like, well, it was a show. Yeah, there was like a golden period of five years. But really it's a podcast. I'll be like, I'm like, in a few years, when I'm finally on that show, Scott will say that I'm tarnishing my reputation

and then the ace I'll have up my sleeve. I've been flipping him off this entire time. I've been flipping him off the whole time. Well, I sincerely- But yeah, you're right, it's not Hollywood Good Boy material. I sincerely hope you'll retire that behavior. I'm thinking about it.

Wow. I'm thinking about it. Are you accepting pitches from new- I also have the thumbs up in there. That's to offset my middle finger. It doesn't balance out. You need something in between. To me the middle finger is so flagrant

and just so obscene that a thumbs up, a pure Fonzie does not negate. Okay, so do I need something in the middle, in between? Are you accepting pitches for new hand gestures to cleanse your image? Yes, I would love to cleanse my image. Pinky up like you're sipping a cup of tea. But then I'm a little fancy boy.

And I don't wanna be that. Well, if the shoe fucking fits. Maybe, but to counterbalance how terribly you just sip my tea in anger. I'm sorry. That middle finger is? I just have to stop and act like Jack Quaid, you're not a little fancy boy.

I'm one of your closest friends. Name one time. Every time we've gone disco dancing. That's the fanciest thing I've ever done, you're right. I'm like, wow, friends. Name one time. Every time we've gone disco dancing. That's the fanciest thing I've ever done, you're right. I'm like, wow, look at that disco ball. You think it's made of diamonds? So many different things hurt your stomach. Yeah, but just that.

That makes you a little fancy boy who could only have fancy fine treats. Having any kind of like IBS or anything, that does not make me a little fancy boy. Yeah, because you can only have little fancy refined dishes and meals like a little cat eating out of a crystal dish. I'm just gonna eat my kumquats in peace. There you go, that's the fanciest fruit there is.

It is. I like the idea that disco balls are made of diamonds. This is a good heist movie, like during the disco craze of the seventies. They didn't know, they're just like, oh yeah, this diamond thing up there. And then someone comes in to steal and they have to pose as disco dancers.

Yeah, that's how they laundered all their money is like all of it's in the fucking disco ball. I need you guys to write this for me. Okay. Okay, Tommy, you're a writer now. I am, apparently. You're writing one of those star tours movies. Yeah, I'm writing a star tours movie

where everybody hops on a bus and he goes and looks at Al Pacino's house. It's wild. I like when that guy from Breaking Bad, he goes out to the passing buses and he goes out and says hi to them all. Which guy from Breaking Bad? The young one. Jesse Pinkman?

Yeah, Jesse Pinkman. Oh my God, he does? Yeah. I always thought those were fake. It could be. Yeah, Jesse Pinkman. Oh my God, he does? Yeah. I always thought those were fake. It could be. But it works on me. Yeah.

I always thought it was like, ah, that's, you know, so-and-so's house and then it's just not. Oh yeah, no. I think they actually do pass by his house and if he ever sees one, he goes out and says hi. No, damn. Like climbs into the bus and like, damn, talks to them for a while. It's just like a full bus of people who know his address.

That's crazy. Exactly. And confirm that he's slip. Make plans to come back that evening. Yeah, I will be here. Scott, I'm in love. Oh, this is big news. That was all sorry. I'm just so excited. I want to go. I don't want to get off topic. No, no No, I mean look, I'm not trying to change the subject. You guys aren't backing me into a corner or anything So you're who? Yes, who are you in love with? Well, I could well her name's Alma As Scott knows I've been quite unlucky in love

How do I I don't I brought it up on the show before. It doesn't mean I know it. I usually forget anything anyone says the minute they say it. A lot of my ex-wives and fiancees have met very sad ends, very tragic ends. I don't remember this actually. Oh God. Yes. Okay. But now I feel like I'm in love for the first time.

She's great. Oh, congratulations. She's great with vengeance. Oh, okay. With, meaning your pet wolf. That's right. Yeah, they. She's great with vengeance. Oh, okay. With meeting your pet wolf. That's right. Yeah, they love her. All the wolves love her. What is her story, if you don't mind me asking? Well, her father was a whistleblower to a corporate entity, and they entrusted her with very important secret information, so you know she's trustworthy. Yeah,

seems like it. Yeah. So how did you two meet? I was visiting some criminals for information on a story in the Insane Asylum where her ex-husband has just escaped from. Is that what they call it, still? So they were asking her things. Yeah. Oh, interesting. I haven't heard anyone call it that in a while. The Insane Asylum? No. Looney Bin, you prefer?

Yeah, I know there's a more updated term. Sorry, I don't mean in- That's where the men with the butterfly nets send those whack jobs. This is the last real insane asylum in the country, right? They have those like really scary steel gates. That's right. Her ex-husband escaped from there. Yeah, straightjack, it's people screaming.

Yes, yes, he's always doing that. What an incredible meet-cute. Yeah. So how did you come, you were there interviewing these prisoners? I was interviewing prisoners to see, get a temperature of the streets and she was there getting asked questions

about where she goes, will her ex-husband come after her, things like that. But she's very brave. She puts her address out in public. I mean, she has her stuff out in public even more than Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Bad. Oh, so you know about that too. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah.

As someone who, you know, you have a feel for the streets and you reported on crime. That's right. Do you think that that was a safe thing for Jesse Pinkman to do? I mean, it really shows a lot of guts because you're asking for trouble and I know Alma can handle it. I mean, her address is a lot of guts, because you're asking for trouble, and I know Alma can handle it. I mean, her address is there for whoever finds it.

And I mean, she's witnessed some brutal, brutal crimes. Soul witness. Soul witness. Wow, why is she always there and alone? It's wild, right? She just has that luck of the Irish. Yeah, incredible. Well, congratulations. Are there wedding bells in your future?

I hope so. Yeah. We are looking at venues. There's this great place near where a lot of recovering drunk drivers are practicing their driving skills. Are they recovering from the driving or from the drinking? It's because of the structure of that sentence. There's this school that helps drunk drivers get better at it.

Get better at drunk driving? Yeah, so they're a little less reckless. So we have this great venue right next to that. It's right near the exit of that building. I think that's why it's cheap, because people are always coming and going. There's a gun store right next door where a lot of these people can, they kind of skirt.

Are you, can I ask you a question? It's kind of personal. Yes. Are you hoping for some sort of incident at your wedding? Just a great, memorable time. I don't know, next to the gun store and the drunk driving assistance program. Yeah, it seems like you're tempting fate. Yeah.

I think we're gonna be fine. I mean, she's a tough cookie. I think- A tough Irish cookie. I mean, she's a tough cookie. I think- A tough Irish cookie. She's a tough Irish cookie, maybe. And the thing is, I don't make a lot of money at KTLA. Sure. Yeah.

Because you're freelance and you're- I'm freelance, yeah. And you're mainly getting footage of this guy, the Nightwolf, right? And your boss is always saying, get me pictures of the Nightwolf, right? So are you trying to stage some sort of like- I'm trying to sell him on the Nightwolf. They're not interested. They think he's a loser. Whoa. A guy with that many wolves?

Yes. Can you believe... They think he makes things worse. It's interesting. I don't know if I've heard that take before on the Nightwolf. I'm glad you guys didn't mention my tattoo. That is across my face and nose that says I'm the Nightwolf. Yeah, well, I mean, I just kind of figured it was ironic. I thought it was art. Yes. I thought it was maybe something PETA tattooed on you in anger.

No, no, no, this was kids. I was on a rooftop stargazing, and some kids decided to fire off fireworks at me. At you? Yes, they fired, they thought I, they were screaming, Jack's a peeper, there's the Nightwolf, they're really going at me. Wow. Wow.

And they fired fireworks at me. One of them knocked me out. Damn. You know what's funny is now that I'm thinking about it, the Nightwolf also has a tattoo on his face that says I'm the Night Wolf. That's one of the weird, yes, I'm glad you brought that up. That is interesting.

So clearly he had a similar run-in with these kids. Right, yeah. Oh yeah, this is a crime spree. Because I'm like how are they going to know? Yes. Because the tattoo is what I think. It's very similar. They definitely use the same stick and poke technique.

Yeah, interesting. Yeah, I woke up like this. I was interesting. Yeah, I woke up like this. I was out. Yeah, I woke up like this. Interesting. I see you also have a collection of wolferangs with you. Yeah, what's going on with those? Why did you bring all these wolfshank whimmerings?

Yeah, why did you bring these wolferangs? Well, the wolferangs are very helpful when it comes to capturing the news. Yeah, if you need to get a shot that's in a building across from you, you could throw a wolf a ring at it. Uh-huh. And what would that do? Well, it stays in the building, and you can attach it.

Oh, I thought you were trying to get the building nearer to you. Oh, boy. I mean, that would have been my first thought. Yes, if I was stronger. And actually, depending on the building, I could. Yeah. Really? What do you mean?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. If the building has the last K cook. Why did you say yeah? I went from yeah to really to not even knowing what you're talking about. Okay, a lot of buildings haven't been retrofitted here. Okay.

And if it hasn't been retrofitted, that thing's shaky as hell. Sure. Yeah, if it's not earthquake proof, you can move any building. Exactly. Are you saying if you were strong enough, you could move any building? That. Sure. Yeah, but it's not earthquake proof. You can move any building. Exactly. Are you saying if you were strong enough, you could move any building? Yeah.

Anyone. I mean, honestly with the- Anyone if they were strong enough, they could move any building. With the love of Alma behind me. Wow. I feel like I can, Scott. It feels good to say that. It feels good to be in love!

I'm sorry. I've just traveled a very long distance. Jack brought up the wolferangs. I think it's okay. Are we all right? Okay. I'm all right now. Who are you? Do you have any idea what it feels like? We don't know who you are even.

To be hidden away. My name is escrow philanthroper. Oh. Okay. And I. Oh. And I have been hidden away by this man here for near on 20 years. Hidden away?

Yes. I'm sorry, who are you? Oh, you've gotten good at that. She's escrow philanthropa. She just told us. What are you hiding Jack? You've gotten so good at saying who are you. I'm sorry. I think I'd remember a person named

Escrow Philanthropa. Oh, you think you would remember me, wouldn't you? Yes. Does 20 years of marriage ring a bell? Whoa, okay. Hold on. 20 years. Escrow, where are you from, vaguely Britain?

No, how dare you? My mother was killed by an English muffin. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, God, I'm sorry for your trap. Thank God they're not still sponsoring the show. I don't dare you. I mean, that's so tragic. The nooks and crannies.

The nooks and crannies. The nooks and crannies. The crannies will get... Please, stop talking about... If the crannies don't get you, the nooks will. Please stop talking about my mother's assailant. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to hear that, but I'm sorry I never met you in my life.

You act like you're sorry. Oh, that's rich, isn't it? Have you ever seen a man deny the woman he loves? Yeah, Jack, you seem like you're hiding something now. I swear to God I'm not. Ask her, what is the nature of your relationship to Jack? We were married in 2002 on the banks of the River Seine in France. Okay, that was a year.

2002, it checks out. It was a year. 2002. It checks out. I just took a look at my calendar. It went 2003 was the one after that and then 2002 was the one right before. Okay, good job. You didn't have a ring, so he gave me a new Shakira CD because he knew how much I loved Shakira. Did you put your finger through the middle hole? I should have. Maybe that would have dropped his memory. She's wearing it now, which is it. It's here. That is really dusted up and scratchy.

You can't really move your hand at all. That's just a CD on your finger. How can you be so nonchalant? You've hidden me away, denied me in the press, never acknowledged our love or our union. You have the rep of being Hollywood's good boy. You have a secret marriage? And a secret family.

Secret family? Yes. Like you're, meaning your parents and their uncles? I have parents that he won't acknowledge. And I have an uncle and I have a cousin who's vaguely into hair crimes. Hair crimes. I'm sorry, there's so much to unpack for me.

Yeah. Well, you can go ahead and repack your bags and move back into my home. Okay. All right. Why? You say we got married in 2002? We were married.

Yes, you don't remember. In Paris. Yes, in the banks of the river Seine. I was 12. Oh, isn't that convenient? Hey, if there's grass on the field, my man. What? They do a lot of weird stuff in France and all that.

Gerard de Bardieu, ring a bell. Okay. Okay. I record because I- My father, the hero. Okay, I just don't, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I cannot take this.

You continually denying me has done something to me. It's caused me to lose my job, my home. Our children don't recognize me any longer. You have children with this man? Yes, we have three four foot tall calla lily plants, and they all need water from their father. Are you sure it's me? Are you sure? Are you sure I got married to you?

You ran out on me. Are you French, but you learned English with kind of an English accent? It's more of a mid-Atlantic. I've never been more insulted in my life. Wait, I just insulted you more than you've ever been insulted. This is even more than that one? You've insulted me so many times.

Whoa. You're Irish now? You sound like Alma. How dare you? This is crazy. You just said, loif. Wait, your kids are plants? I think we, I mean, if you think we've been together for this long, I think we should officially break up.

I finally get to him. Then you can move on with your life. I finally get to him and all he wants to do is leave me. I can't quite tell if this is a Jesse Pinkman situation where it's a stalker or whether Hollywood's good boy is actually Hollywood's worst boy. Oh no. I'm really tarnishing my reputation right now. This is worse than those middle finger photos

that you're so fond of. I swear to God, I've never met this person in my life. Why do you think, well, what's, bring me up to date. Yeah, talk about your relationship. God, I wish Payback was here. And our kids are plants, you say? That was a mistake not to let Payback. Payback can sniff out a liar,

I'd get to the truth of this. Oh man, I wish Payback was here. What'd you say? I'd get to the truth of this. Oh man, I wish Payback was here. What'd you say? I'd get to the truth of this. Yeah, he's sort of trailed up. Listen, I'm still Hollywood's good boy. Okay, escrow, you're taking advantage of the open door policy here.

I am. And that's a good thing for a lot of people, but I wanna make sure you're on the level. I wanna make sure you're on the up and up. What, now you doubt me? It's not that I doubt you, but I just don't know what to believe anymore. Do you not believe that this man married me in 2002?

He was. I mean, it's not smart to rush in like that. If I wasn't just a cameraman, you would have gotten a wolferang right in the forehead. I don't know what those words mean. Maybe it's because- Forehead? When I was 12, I was playing Crash Bandicoot. I don't think I was marrying the woman.

Well, you Crash Banded my coot and we got married 10 minutes later. I believe her now. Okay, she's got me. Okay, that was a fun play on words. That was a fun play on words that does not mean I married this woman. Listen to that pun.

She's got what it takes. Number one, four. There it is. You're as good as your word. I didn't lie when I talked about this. Now what's fun about Jack is, and we didn't have time to play this clip, but Jack grew up, I believe, as a teenager, he listened to Comedy Bang Bang before he became an actor. Yes, which is weird.

And I don't like that. You don't like that? You don't like New Generations? I don't like that. You don't like that? You don't like new generations? I don't like them telling me how old they're. Right, yes. So he was a teenager. By the way, I just, I'm kidding. He's kidding, yeah.

That's very, it warms my heart when people say that they grew up listening to our stuff. It's very sweet. Because we were elderly men when we started doing this. So to hear someone grew up doing it. I'm surprised I'm still alive. Yeah. Are you grew up doing it. I'm surprised I'm still alive. Are you? I am too.

I think sometimes I'm not. Oh, no. Are we both ghosting? And this is a boondoggle. This is a boondoggle. A ghostly boondoggle. A ghostly boondoggle. But Jack is very funny and he grew up listening

to Comedy Bang Bang and I think he always wanted to be on it, not as just a mere celebrity, but as a participant in the comedy. The character. He's done improv comedy with his group over the years in comedy shorts and stuff like that. So when he- His group is called The Proud Boys?

Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Actually a good name for an improv group. It sucks that those assholes took it. Let's take it back. Take it back. But so when he comes on the show, the first time he ever came on the show

and I asked him to do the show, I just asked him, like I ask any celebrity and I say like, hey, come on the show. And they thinking they're going to play themselves, but he had prepped a character. So every time he's on the show now, he plays a character as well. He leaves quote unquote in the middle of the show and comes back as a character.

On this particular episode, he came back and played Janice Dickinson from America's Next Top Model. Oh, that's right. So that's very funny. Listen to the entire episode, but, uh, that was your number 14. And I have to say, another full disclosure, Ben Rogers was a writer on Star Trek Lower Decks. That's right. That's why, another reason why I asked him to do it, he occasionally plays characters as well on the show.

So I thought the three of them had good chemistry together. Occasionally I'll book disparate people who don't know each other. And then for that particular one, I picked people who knew each other and knew each other's rhythms, which was fun. Right. Yeah. for that particular one, I picked people who knew each other and knew each other's rhythms, which was fun. Yeah, that's who you knew from Star Trek Lover Decks. I mean, Paul, we'll talk about this later, but you did 43 live episodes this year.

I didn't necessarily want to constantly be asking you to do. Well, I mean, nobody hears the live episodes. They're buying a paywall. They're very popular. With rich people, but I'm a man of the people. That's true. They are $20,000 like that omelet that I ate the other day.

All right, we have to take a break. When we come back, we are going to, on this particular episode, we're gonna hear 13, 12, and 11. We're gonna come right back with more Comedy Bang Bang best of 2024 after this. Bloop. Yeah. Comedy Bang Bang.

Oh, I'm sorry. I do this. That's so funny. We said the same thing at the same time. I know, but you knew I was gonna say this because. How do you know? Can you read my mind? What's happening with us?

Can you read my mind? By the way, the new Superman trailer just came out where they use the John Williams theme, not but an electric guitar version of it. They use the, the, the, the block letters, icy block letters. They gotta put, the, the, the block letters, icy block letters. They gotta put a musical section in this one where you hear Lois Lane singing, can you read my mind while they're.

Can you read my mind? She just recites the lyrics. She recites the lyrics, but then you hear the can you read my mind. We have that as a single when I was. Well, sure. It's a beautiful song. Yeah.

Did it win an Oscar? I hope so. Did super has Superman ever won an Oscar himself? The character. Yes. Probably in the comics. Do you think he ever won an Oscar? Probably Clark Kent for journalism.

He probably liked Wolf Blitzer in the Mission Impossible movies, portrayed himself in a movie and won an Oscar. If the Nobel prize committee can give out all these prizes for different things, why can't the Oscars do that? Yes. Probably like Wolf Blitzer in the Mission Impossible movies, portrayed himself in a movie and won an Oscar. If the Nobel Prize committee can give out all these prizes for different things, why can't the Oscars do that? Yes, it doesn't have to just be for movies. Yeah, Oscar for like a car mechanic. Thank you. And they give it out to songs.

Those aren't movies. Yeah, fucking A, man. Songs are not movies. Why don't they give it out to like best poem read in a movie? Ugh. That's the same thing as to like best poem read in a movie. That's the same thing as a song. Same thing as a song. Suddenly every movie someone recites a poem. I'm a best agent. Hey, this is not a bad idea.

It's not a bad idea. Can you imagine winning an Oscar as an agent? Does whoever put Oppenheimer together? Thank you. This was a, we packaged this one. Seven of my clients had lead roles in this film. We, um, during the break, the Baker came by. You've heard tell of the Baker.

The Baker just appeared. And, uh, uh, dropped off some sandwiches and I ate my sandwich and re-bid my tongue, I believe. So. No. You were really wolfing it down. Yeah, I was trying to do it as quickly as possible because Paul is not hungry yet and was not joining me. Meanwhile, I have not eaten breakfast. But she also dropped off some baked treats

that she has made. I mean, there's no way the baker's not gonna drop off baked treats. And they look- In this situation? off baked treats and they look incredible. They look incredible. We'll discuss them as we have them a little bit later on, but we need to get to our next clip, Paul. I know. You don't like the clips? No, I feel guilty.

Yeah, I feel guilty. I know we need to get to it. It's been an hour and change now and we haven't gotten to our second clip. I know, and I don't like the clips. Oh, right, okay. Let's get to it. This is your choice for episode number 13. Mm-hmm.

Number one, three. All right, episode 13. This is, now our previous episode was 872. That's right. This is episode 860. So this is not that long before the previous episode. About three months by my calculations. This is wild.

What's going on here, do you think? I don't know. So this was July, the previous one was July 8th. Yeah. When do you think this one would be? Towards the end of July. This one probably came out, uh, the middle of April, April 2nd. April 15th.

Tax day. When you said the middle of April, you were right. Bang on. The Ides of April. That's right. Tax day itself. This is an episode entitled, The Letter D. From the alphabet.

Mm-hmm. You're onto something here. Yeah. Alphabet in English. D is one of the letters. The fourth letter. This episode must be in English. Yes, Mark Hamill.

No, this is an episode called The Letter D. Let me describe the participants. We have our good friend Tatiana Maslany. Sure. You can pronounce her name so many fun ways, and that's the way I've chosen to. Yeah, it's not bad. It's close.

Tatiana Maslany. Tatiana, yeah, that's the most, I think, true way. That's the closest, but there really is no correct way. Yeah. We say this on her behalf. There's no correct way to pronounce her name. So do what thou wilt, she'll be the whole of the law. Well, when early on, when she started doing the show,

and I would say, like, how do you say her name? She's like, oh, it doesn't matter. Yeah, she's one of those. So. She's one of those. I've known a handful of people like that who have a somewhat challenging name and then they have just given up. They've given up, yes, exactly.

And I think that she's given up in various aspects of her life, including the name one. You know, Tat from, she of course skyrocketed to fame on the television show Orphan Black and, uh, where she won the Emmy one year. And then she was in that Perry Mason show, was that what it was called? That's right.

And then. She played an evangelist. Then she took a curious turn into the Marvel cinematic universe. I was very curious. The MCU, curious for her because she's someone who doesn't seem to care anything about. Well, what she cares about is destroying

the Marvel franchise, which she gleefully does. Yes, this is, if you've never heard Tatiana on the show, ever since she got into, even before, when it was just announced, she was going to be She-Hulk. She takes great delight in coming on Comedy Bang Bang. And I will always ask her for spoilers about whatever she's working on. And she gleefully, uh, provides me with fake things that are in my mind, incredibly ridiculous. Yeah. But then they get picked up by the comic book press and the film press as real things. Yes.

And there are several articles. Saying, saying like she confirmed this. Yes. The first I believe was she, before She Hulk ever came out, she confirmed this. Yes. The first, I believe was she, before She-Hulk ever came out, she confirmed that it was a musical and that she was singing, it's not easy being green. And fever. And fever.

And fever is my favorite part. Yes. Cause it's not easy being green makes sense. And then like, gotta get a second solo. You give me fever. That was picked up by the press. And then like, got to get a second solo. You give me fever. That was picked up by the press. Um, and, uh, there, there, we'll, we'll talk about another aspect that was picked up by the press, but, uh, so she always, we'll hear a little bit of her

interview here, she just teases out these nuggets, uh, for the rabid. She's a real nugget teaser. Yeah. Enough said. As Stan Lee once said. Excelsior. So we hear a little bit of Tatiana. We also have Edie Patterson, she's playing Bean Dip.

Bean Dip is a character that Edie plays with a very strong, I believe, Texas accent. And she's a very eccentric character. Now her full name is Erectile Dysfunction Patterson? I think so, yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I never asked her what the Edie stood for. I don't know whether it induces it.

Yeah, I looked it up. Or whether she's the cure for it. Yeah, like when I met her, I'm Edie Patterson. I was like, what does Edie stand for? I didn't know whether it induces it. Yeah. I looked at it. Or whether she's the cure for it. Yeah. I like when I met her, I'm Ed Patterson. I was like, what does Ed stand for? I didn't want to ask her. I actually think her real name is Bluechew Patterson. And she's shortened it. Chew it and do it.

Shout out to Lauren's grandma. Yes. You'll hear more about that in the upcoming episode of Freedom. I teased your nugget. Mm-hmm. So we have Ed playing Bean Dip and we talk a little bit about what's going on with Bean Dip.

Um, and then we have Carl Tartt. And this is where the title comes from. He is playing a new character. This was new to this episode called Lothario Lewis, and he's a dating expert. Now Lothario, this was his debut episode. It's very funny. Let's hear this.

This is your choice for episode 13. Number one, three. Tatiana Mislani's here from Orphan Black. Hi. Hi. This is Bean Dip. Have you ever met Bean Dip before? No, but she's, I love her.

She does sound like she's covered in a lot of spaghetti. No, I'm clean of spaghetti right now. Yeah, right now, okay. So that's- Sometimes I'm covered in it. Yeah, I mean, you know, it's fun, right? It's fun, except in the summer, let's not get stupid. Now I have you both on,

but there's something pressing in the news that I need to, not you, Tapp, but there's something that I gotta talk to my co-host about. I want your opinion on it too. Do you want me to leave the room? Oh, okay. Uh, but, God. Do you want me to plug my ears and go la la la?

Boy, this is a real hard choice. Sophie's choice here, leave the room or continue. Do you want me to listen actively? I think I'll have you stay. Okay. But Bean Dip, something happened, you mentioned Netflix. Ah! And something happened on Netflix a few weeks back

that on one of their popular shows, a show called Love is Blind, Tatiana, have you watched this? I watched the first season when I had COVID, we binge watched the entire first season in one day. In one day, really? Yeah. Okay. It was one of those like COVID time warps where it was elastic time.

I mean, it's like 10 episodes, 10 hours. I think we actually bailed on the final episode because we're like- We didn't even finish it. Well, we were like, oh, we know. And then it was like the recap and I didn't care. I did care. I watched every season. I love it.

You watched every season. So you know what I'm talking about. Yes, I know what you talking about, the titty slap. Yeah. Okay, so on this, not the final season, because I'm sure they're gonna make more. Well, they better. If they know what's good for them, if they know what they're getting their money from.

But the most recent season, I guess, there was an incident that happened, off-camera, apparently, but was talked about where one of the contestants gave the other contestant a titty slap. And then called it by a certain... A certain name that they seemed to all think was an actual thing. They all agreed on it, no one said, what are you talking about?

They all went, oh, uh-huh. Oh, okay, so an unexpected titty slap is a bean dip. Yeah, and I heard this and I called you up immediately and I said, bean dip, we have to get into the studio. And I thought, well, let's get into the studio, but I'm already suing. So you're suing, so how's the lawsuit coming? So you're deep inside this at this point.

I'm deep inside this, Scott, and I'm just, hey, let me just tell you, man, I'm already so rich, but I'm about to get even richer. Hell yeah. Are you familiar with Laura Musk? Are you familiar with Jeff Bezos? Are you familiar with everybody that everyone's mad at because they got too much money?

Yeah, I wish I wasn't, but yes, I am familiar with these people. Well, I'm fixing to be over them. Over them, so you want to be the richest, not only just woman in the world. Person. Person in the world. Yeah. Wow.

Well, I'm fixing to be that because they should not have, in the world. Person. Person in the world. Yeah. Wow. Wow. I'm fixing to be that. Because they should not have, there's an old phrase, don't step where you can't done shit. Don't step where you can't done shit. Okay, I- Don't step where you can't done shit.

Like where your cat done shit. Oh, where your cat done shit. Thank you for talking about it. No, no, I understand you. Like I really get you. Thank you. Scott is trying to be obstinate. I don no, I understand you. Like, I really get you. Thank you. Scott is trying to be obstinate. I don't think I'm trying to be obstinate.

I'm literally trying to interpret what you're saying. Don't step where your cat done shit. Don't step where your cat don't shit. Where your cat done shit. Yeah, oh, yeah, now who doesn't understand her. Tatiana, what do you got going on? You were, of course, a lot of people know that you were on the television show She-Hulk, where the fans rose up and supported us and let you know what they thought of you.

Yeah. Oh, I get emails all the time. I get emails all the time. What's going on with that show? Are we seeing Jen Walters again? Are you in these new Avengers movies? We need to make some news here. Look, honestly, comedy bang bang, we're in our 15th year here. We have the 15th anniversary coming up in a few weeks. Congrats.

Thank you very much. But the long slide into obscurity has begun. The long slide out the butt. Yeah begun, yeah, out the butt. Into the ocean. Where hopefully that anus is still open and we can see what's going on, but look, the show is losing its relevance. Right.

You know, you got, you know, other shows out there with, you know, big celebrities, the smartless crew, they're getting all the attention, they get Joe Biden on, you know. It's like, Joe Biden, come on Comedy Bang Bang. You've been asking for years. Talk to Andre Pinure.

You. But of course, he won't. So what we need from you is we need to make some news. Every time you've been on the show before, you've made some news about what's going on in the Marvel universe. What is happening? I'm in all the movies.

Hey! Yeah. Yeah. I'm in all the movies. Hey! Hey, yeah, yeah. I not only do walk-bys a la Hitchcock, because I directed them all and wrote them. Oh my God. But also I've just superimposed my face onto every other character. Whoa!

So sorry guys. So you're sort of like Kang, you know, they fired the guy. I'm like, Krang. Yes, you're like Krang from the Ninja Turtles. I know that's a thing now. Here's the thing. They fired that other Kang guy. Yeah, that Kang guy.

I'd put you in the role. You're used to this shit. Playing all these different like, you know, doppelgangers and everything from Orphan Black. I also know what Kang is. You know what Kang is. Yeah, I know what Kang is. You don't have to explain it to me.

Definitely don't give me any backstory of what you mean by Kang. Cause I know what it is. You know what it is? You'd be great at it, you know? Like sitting around, you play a nerdy version, you play a brash version. Totally.

The homicidal version. You got all this on like, you've done it before. The New York version. Yeah, the new, hey, what about a little pizza? The Chicago version. Chicago version. The Detroit version.. Yeah, the new, hey, what about a little pizza? The Chicago version. Chicago version. The Detroit version. Oh, those sound a little similar, honestly.

Well, there's nuances there that you're not picking up. Oh, I see. When I'm kind of bopping my body up and down. Oh, that's, oh, the physicality of it. I'm doing it twice for Detroit. I see. We do once for Motor City. Oh, so it's like Morse code body version.

Right. So you, yeah, I mean, uh, just stick Tatiana as, as, uh, as Kang now and you got the problem solved. And in fact, you could probably just use old footage from morph and black and no one will notice, right? Kang it up slightly. Yeah. Just Kang it to the side. You know, make it make, make you have a purple hat, purple hat. Kang wears and the little green, um,illy, doily thing around his neck. Yeah, he's got a doily thing. See, you know Kang. I know Kang.

He's got like a cravat or something. Yeah, and those little heart-shaped underwear. Yeah, exactly. They're shaped like a heart. They don't have hearts on them, but they're shaped like a heart. But he's probably wearing heart, represented in underwear beneath. Yeah. Yeah. Obviously.

If he's the cartoon character that I know he is. Of course, yeah. For sure. But then you also play She-Hulk. Right. And you hooked up with Daredevil in She-Hulk. I fucked. I fucked.

I fucked. And- Off camera. They didn't, they cut away from that. Yeah. Was that important to you? But we did have to do it. Did you request that? I did.

Oh, so wait, you actually did it. Did you request that? I did. Oh, so wait, you actually did it. I was like, I'm method, so I'm like, I gotta fuck everybody I fuck on this show. So you fucked Charlie Cox, the actor you played. No, I fucked Daredevil. Oh, wink, wink. Okay, got it. So, you actually requested, hey, could we turn the cameras off during this?

Yeah. I was like, guys, just be in the room with me, but just avert the camera. You can stay here, you can watch. Right. So the opposite of a closed set. I love a non-closed set. I love a massively open public set on sex scene days. We don't charge. It's not pornography. It's just an experience we're all having as a... Exactly. You know. So you hook up with Daredevil and you know Daredevil's gonna be in these dang movies.

So like, it would be great to have like one scene where like they're swinging towards, you know, the Beyonder or some shit and they're like, oh, we gotta stop this guy. And then Charlie Cox like does a double take, which he's blind, so I don't know if he can do it. He does a double sense. A double sense, yeah, double here. A double here, a double take with his ears and goes

like it's a checkup. Yeah. But I think the problem was that I didn't like lock it down. I wasn't like, we should be, we should go steady. I think if I had been as GF, I'd be at all those movies. Well, I would think that you'd be in the new the new Daredevil series, wouldn't you? There's a new Daredevil series. Daredevil. Daredevil. Now you're playing it coy, I know you're in it.

Yeah. Because anytime you deny something, here's my theory, anytime you deny and go like, what? You know about it and are part of it. And then anytime you lie about something, it's not true. Ouch. You just read me like a book. I read you to filth.

You read me to filth. Four filth, two filth. I don't know. This is his first time on the show. He's a dating expert. Please welcome to the show for the first time, Lothario Lewis. Hey, hey, hey. It's great to meet you.

How you doing, Scott? I'm doing really well. This is Tad. This is Bean Dip. Hello, Tad. Hi, hey, hey. Hey, it's great to meet you. How you doing, Scott? I'm doing really well. This is Tatt. This is Bean Dip. Hello, Tatt. Hi, Letharia. Hello, Bean. Scott, I've been receiving your emails.

I understand that you want to cheat on your wife. You are ready for infidelity. And I am here to help you. Okay, I don't know that I meant for those emails to be public, but- Oh, this is a public thing? Oh, did you think this was just a confidential one-on-one? I thought we was having a one-on-one and I see you brought a couple of them. Okay, no, no, they're guests on the show, as are you, and these are microphones we're

talking to do right now. I thought that was for me to hear you better so you could tell me what you want to do in regards to cheating on your spouse. No, no, this is actually a public podcast. But I was like, Oh, Scott's getting freaky already. What type of dating expert are you? I'm an expert in teaching you how to cheat on your spouse. Okay, okay.

Well, yes. All right. Well, Bean Dip, I know you had some questions for the dating expert. Does that fit into your parameters? This is perfect, actually. Oh, yeah. I didn't know you had some questions for the dating expert. Does that fit into your parameters? This is perfect actually. Oh, I didn't know you were married. I'm not married, dude, but I'm in a committed thing for me.

As you know, like, I dated a few public people. Charlize Theron. Charlize Theron, Bobby Cannavale, Leonardo DiCaprio. But anyway, Charlize wanted to get back together, but she wants it to be too serious So I need to figure out a way to like do stuff on the side. So I'm really glad that little thios here Okay, I'm glad to be here. Okay. Well Scott you didn't tell me it was gonna be so freaky Yeah, I don't consider this to be freaky. This is a normal episode Exposed brick when they're supposed to be sound being caught. Yeah, I know

brick when there's supposed to be sound being caught. Yeah, I know. You didn't tell me. There's a fireplace going. There's a fireplace going. I mean, this is kind of a personal... There is tuna fish on the screen. This is a personal residence that I had to turn into a recording studio. Into a free cut.

You did say come here today to the free cut for the recording. Did he tell you that? That's what I got too. I mean, yeah. I mean, it's a nickname, you know, but you can't say something, you can't say nicknames are actual names. When I said that I would allow him to take on my services, he did say meet him in the free cut.

And I said, I'll be there with the quickness. It's going to be sweet butter biscuits when I get there. You did say that. Yeah, I will. I can confirm that that conversation happened. But tell us about your process. What exactly do you do?

Well, I can show you better than I can tell you. Oh, okay. So let's say you, a person who has sent me an email saying that you wanted to cheat on your spouse, are ready to start cheating on your spouse. First, we go out and we hit the town. Okay. You see your little hand that you like,

you know what I mean? I do know what you mean, by the way. And you walk right up to her, and you get the show going. Hey, how you doing? My name is Scotty D. You know why they call me that? You get dick a guess. It's because of my dick.

And that's it, that should do it. And that's it. And that's it. That should do it. That should do it, really? Okay, well. And that's at a bar. Do you like going to bars and things like that?

Not especially. Where do you like going? Nowhere really, but I mean, if I had to, maybe a bookstore. A bookstore? Or the local cinema. Hey, are those books you're reading? You know what books contain?

A lot of different letters. But you know what my favorite letter is? D. That stands for dick. Do I need the music when I do this? Absolutely, that's the only way it works. Do I need to download it on my phone or can I just play it through an app?

Definitely download it. Don't use digital streaming platforms. The artists don't get those payments. They get paid half a pennies on the dollar. Well, I'm gonna be doing this a lot. Quarter, 16th of pennies on the dollar. So you should buy the song. Buy the song, yeah.

And play it that way. I'm sensing that a lot of your technique is just steering the conversation back to the letter D somehow. Scott, me? You say me like we've met before. And I know your qualities and your- How dare you say something like that?

He's acting like Tarik's wife. We're old friends. Christina again. Yeah, pulling a Christina. Wow. Scott, where else is somewhere you like to go? You like to go to bookstores? You know, I might like to go to a park.

A park? Sure. Hey, those kids are playing over there. Uh oh. Oh boy. I don't know. Can you land this plane or do we need to abort? Excuse me, abort.

Speaking of kids. Okay, no, no, no, no, no. I kind of preferred it when you were steering everything back to the letter D. Well, you didn't let me get to it. Okay, go ahead, sorry. So you're at a park. Hey, you see those kids playing over there? You see that barbecue grill tossing and turning all that meat.

Yeah. Ooh, he's got some big old Polish sausages on there. You know what those remind me of? The country of Denmark. Do you know what that starts with? The letter D. Okay, can I ask you something on that one, Mario? Okay.

Yeah, I have a question too. I think it's the same one I'm all answer questions It's pretty interesting because it seemed like we were getting on a direct train for polo sausages to D for dick But then we went to Denmark and I think there must be a complex reason why because when you're cheating on your spouse Women love wordplay. Oh, okay, but the words need to make sense, don't they? Let's say you need a little bit of, eh, nah, you know, some way. I know, but believe me,

I know what you're saying at this point. So, is there a difference in your technique if you weren't cheating on your spouse? I don't understand. Well, say you were just a single person. Who? Who, me? I am perpetually in relationships. Oh, you aren't married.

Oh. Like perpetually married? Perpetually married. Like you're a serial monogamist? Serial monogamist. Except when I'm cheating. Okay, and how often is that, if I may ask? Never, I would never do that to my partner.

However, you, Scott, emailed me. Look, I heard you were a dating expert, and I just emailed you about, like, oh, not for me, but I want to hear these techniques for this next one. When a married man emails a dating expert, what is he trying to do? He's trying to cheat. He's trying to cheat.

I'm not trying to groom anyone. I'm not trying to cheat. Oh, that's why you chose the park. Hey, look at those kids playing over there. Fucking stop. I'm Scott Alckerman. No, no, that's not me. Please don't, no one isolate that and make that a drop or anything like that.

Please. That was not my voice. That was Letharia Lewis. Letharia, can we do our, well I'm playing Scott Alckerman and you're the person that I meet that I meet, that I wanna see with. Absolutely. Oh, great, that will help me understand.

I love improv. Great. You love improv? What improv have you seen? Oh my gosh, everything. Everything? You're a completist. I'm a completist.

Okay, here we go. Wait, where are you? Having trouble with your music? What's going on? We need to give them a location. I'm waiting on it. So this is truly like improv where we get a location. Could I please get a location? An occupation. They're in an art gallery. Art gallery? And do we need to give them an object or a... Yeah, or an over-it style. That's more short form.

Oh, okay. We're going long form on this. We can do long form. I don't know that we have time for this to be a herald Thank you art gallery. Oh Hey Hi, deep ice man. I see those kids on that field trip looking at that painting to you. I do see them kids Wow I wonder if any of them have dicks. And scenes. Okay, I don't want to-

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Say, oh, I'm sorry, what's your name? Oh, I'm Scott Alkerman. Okay, no, no, that was not me. I don't want to be associated with this. Scott, you emailed me. Just to be on the show! You sounded like an interesting guest!

Anytime I get an email, especially from a man, I know what he wants to do. I'm like Hitch, Hitch was based off of me. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh man, you know, that's a Scott hasn't seen. Maybe you should do an episode. Lothario hasn't seen either. Number one, three. Wow.

You know, they say that number 13 is unlucky, but I feel like we got very lucky with this hilarious clip. That's right, Paul. Very funny. Lothario Lewis, he stopped by on tour this year. Comedy Bang Bang, if I haven't mentioned it, we did 43 live episodes this year all across not tour this year, comedy bang bang. If I haven't mentioned it, we did 43 live episodes this year all across not only this

country, but Canada and the UK and Ireland. And, um, yeah, with Thario was in, I want to say Sacramento with us. I want to say it. Will I? I don't know. You shouldn't say it because I don't think. Did he come by twice? Maybe. I don't know. You shouldn't say it. Really? Because I don't think, did he come by twice?

Maybe, I don't, oh yeah, because he was in, not Utah, Nashville with us too, wasn't he? I think, yes, that place. Yeah, I think he was also maybe in Sacramento, but Nashville is definitely, definitely one. Anyway, very funny character. And Carl is very funny. He's currently a writer

on Saturday Night Live and a little fun tidbit behind the scenes about the tour. Yeah. Is we broke it up into legs this year. We've done some tours where it's all right in a row, where we just go out for a month and then we come back or I think we did five weeks on the one in 2016. That's nuts.

But for this tour, we did five weeks on the one in 2016. That's nuts. Um, but for this tour, we did it over several months and we would do, um, sometimes, you know, we'd be gone for five days. Sometimes we would be gone for two weeks, you know, but we would always come back in between. When we went to Sacramento, that particular leg was a five day stint and Carl was on the entire time, supposedly. That was the plan.

That was the plan. We touched down in Sacramento and. We did the thing with our arms. We have our arms above our head. Touchdown. We said, touchdown. They said, uh, all right, do you want to kick the field goal or do you want to go for two?

And everyone said, are you guys jocks? And we said, check these out. We showed our muscles and everyone said, whoa. Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty fun. Yeah. And then I like lunged at somebody and I said, two for flinching and I punched him in the arm.

Uh huh. So in any case, we, I, uh, we, we were in the, uh, you know, waiting area or at the gate of, uh, when we touched down on the plane and Carl got off the plane and said, ha ha ha ha ha Scott, you're going to kill me. I have to go. And I said, what?

When he said ha ha ha ha ha like that, it was chilling. I thought it wasn't like a humorous laugh. No, no. It was a, I'm going to murder you laugh. Yeah. It was like a laugh. You can imagine from no. It was a, I'm going to murder you laugh. Yeah. It was like a laugh you can imagine from a, the villain Jigsaw.

Yes. Jigsaw who, by the way, if you are a Maximus subscriber at Comedy Bang Bang, Paul, you played, uh, who is it? It was Andrew Lloyd Webber. Andrew Lloyd Webber and Andy Daly. And you know it was Byron Denniston. It was Byron Denniston watching, doing a

watch along of the first Saw movie. The first Saw movie, yeah. It's a lot of fun. And you've promised to do it every year. We're gonna do, we're gonna go through, as long as we're still alive, we'll go through every Saw movie in order. So Carl, Carl had, I guess, asthma.

Asthma, he has asthma. No, as he was taking off, he got a call from his agent to say that SNL wanted him to come out to test. And that day, or like he needs to be there the next day. So he had to leave right away. I thought that meant that he was gonna basically just turn around and book a ticket to New York right there in the airport.

So I was like, okay, man, no, that's, that's fine. Yeah, go get him, gave him a hug. And he's like, oh no, I'll come back to the hotel. And, and I was like, in my head, I was dreaming of canceling that hotel reservation, getting all that money back. But, but no, Carl went to the hotel and, uh, chilled for a bit, but then he ended up being

able to do that night show as well, because his, he, he got an early morning flight, I believe. So that is why he only did Sacramento, right? He wasn't on San Francisco, right? No, he had to go. Yeah. Whatever was next, he couldn't be there.

Did he ever come and make it at the end in like Seattle or anything like that? Cause I think he was talking about like, oh, maybe I'll come up to Vancouver. No, because they made him stay a few extra days was talking about like, oh, maybe I'll come up to Vancouver. No, because they, they made him stay a few extra days. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah.

Okay. So he never made it back. But anyway, that was. I mean, can that happen to any of us? Like all of a sudden you got to call like, you have to go to New York because. That's what the Rapture is. Yes and no.

Is that what it's going to be? Yeah. Your agent calls you and says, you're going to heaven. Leave your clothes behind. And your watch and rings, according to some. Wait, you can't bring your watch and rings? I'm fine abandoning my clothes, but I want to take my watch and rings.

Yeah, I paid good money for these. Yeah, anyway, so that was a very interesting section of the tour. To put it mildly. The good part about what was happening was we already had an extra person because Ego Wodim, also from SNL, was coming to meet us in San Francisco the next day.

Because they have a give one, take one. Yeah. Give a penny, take a penny kind of situation with SNL coworkers. So she was already coming the next day. So we had enough people. And then Lauren Lapkus also came to Seattle and Vancouver.

So we ended up having enough people for everything. Oh, by the way, in Vancouver, as his tradition, Zach Alifanakis, uh, backed out last night. Always says he's going to do the show months in advance. And then the night before it goes, Oh no, I forgot. I had to stay at home. You have to take his kids to school the next morning and couldn't

everybody does, couldn't take the ferry. Everybody has to do that. He was going to spend the night in Vancouver and then take a ferry back, but he was. Bring the kids and have, be a slumber party. Thank you. You're welcome. I want more of our shows to be slumber parties. I do too.

All right. All right. So that's some behind the scenes regarding Carl and that particular episode. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to hear your choice for episode number 12. And maybe some behind the scenes regarding Henry.

That's, I would love that. JJ Abrams, we'll get him on the horn. See, he wrote it. Wow, okay. All right, we're gonna take a break. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang Best of part one. After this.

No, no, no, no. Yeah. No, no, no, this. Yeah. Comedy Bang Bang, best of 2024, part one. This is Scott Aukerman, I'm joined by Paul F. Tompkins. I'm that guy. And let's just get to it, Paul, what do you say? Yeah. We gotta get to it.

We gotta get to it. And while we're listening to the clip, I'm gonna look up some behind the scenes from Regarding Henry. Okay, please do. All right, let's, this is your choice for episode number 12. Number one, two.

All right, episode number 12, here are the stats. It's episode number 848. Wow. So remember- Now that is in the middle of the 800s. Okay, here's something wild. The first episode we heard was 872. Subtract 12 from that.

The next episode we heard was 860. Subtract 12 from that and you have episode 848. The number 12, I'm seeing it everywhere. Yes. I'm going crazy like James Carey. And this is episode number 12. So- I have to get out of here. going crazy like James Carey. And this is episode number 12. So. I have to get out of here.

I have to go to a church immediately. This is episode 848. It is an episode called Raisin Kids. Raisin Kids. This came out on January 29th of 2024 this year. And let me describe who's on it. You have in the celebrity slot, you have Zach Woods. Absolutely. Zach Woods.

People would know Zach Woods from Silicon Valley. He was in the after party season two, I believe. And he was here promoting his own show and which I had the cookies for for several months that were all over the- They were for a long time. Yeah, the aforementioned Carl Tart had, his character had a cookie. They were all heads of the characters and in cookie form

and no one wanted to eat them because they knew everyone personally didn't want to be eating. Anyway. But they didn't look like the people. They look like the characters, the claymation characters. Yeah. That's a good point. In any case, Zach Woods is here now.

He has never done Comedy Bang Bang before. He was on the TV version. Yes. Playing a magician. Yeah. But I had been, I think I asked him to do it a few times around then in the 2014s or so. And I just remember hearing back like, oh no, I

don't really like to do podcasts. Yes. He had a kind of strict podcast embargo for a while. Yeah. Because I do remember another guest, celebrity guest who's been on the show, I will not name, who. Uh.

Voldemort? Did join the exclusive one-timers club. And then I asked, maybe a year went by and I asked, Hey, do you want to do another episode? And they said, uh, you know, one time was fun, but I do another episode. And suddenly I'm the podcast guy. And I said, fair enough. Uh, it's not for everyone. Yeah. I, uh, apparently people view it like, uh, you know, going to driving school or, or drivers.

That what is that when you get a ticket and you have to go to, you have to go to like a drivers ed kind of thing. Like it's completing a, an obligation. Yes. Yeah. Um, but, uh, but, uh, so Zach just never wanted to do a podcast

because I don't blame him. Like you say yes to one, suddenly like everyone's like, oh, you're so good on that, come do mine. I mean, that's why I called Zach was the podcast guy. Yeah. Because he didn't know the podcast. He did mine. And I was like, you're a podcast guy.

You're a podcast guy now. And in any case, so I think suddenly I was like, you're a podcast guy. You're a podcast guy now. And in any case, so, so I think, uh, suddenly I was just shocked to my very core. When I got an offer for Zach to be on the podcast via his representatives. And, um, I was, I was gladdened. I was excited. These were glad tidings. And true to form, Zach is a very, very funny guy. He's an improviser, UCB improviser from long ago.

True to Form, he is very, very funny on this episode. And one of my favorite interviews that we did this year. So we hear a little bit from him and then we have a person named Lisa Gilroy making her first appearance on our countdown this year. She is playing a child development expert with a name that I'll just let you hear for yourself. Sure. And then we have a gentleman by the name of Charlie McCracken. That's correct. Is on this episode and he is playing another character

that I will let you hear their name as well. So let's just hear this. We're gonna hear three sections of this episode. This is your choice for episode. Yes, Paul? I just wanna say, Scott is generously letting you hear these people say their character names.

And so I want you to say thank you, Scott. Say thank you to your podcast device, to your pod catcher. Okay, thank you. Thank you. This is your choice. This is episode 848, your choice for episode number 12. Number one, two.

Please welcome for the first time on the podcast, Zach Woods, hi. Hi, thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here and a little bit shy. Oh, it's great to have you. You know, a big fan of your work, have been chasing this down for 15 years. We finally landed you.

The white whale. Yeah, our Moby Richard, if you will. Thank you for that. Yes, I like to clean it up. Cause that's why I didn't come on for a long time, is that shows fresh. That shows, there's a freshness to that show and I just can clean it up. Because that's why I didn't come on for a long time is that show's fresh. That show, there's a freshness to that show and I just can't abide that, so thank you for cleaning it up.

I am gonna say a couple of dirty words right now. I hope you're prepared for them. But you have a new show called In the Know and it's out now on Peacock. Okay. These are two just filthy, filthy words. It's frankly, it's kind of redundant thematically because one originates from the other. Exactly. Yeah. I guess only pee comes from, as far as I know, doesn't come from pee.

But it's not like I'm saying, oh, this is my mouth food. Yeah, that's true. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like, get rid of one of them. Can I ask you a question? Yeah, please do. For example, this just happened before we started recording. I said, I would like to pee. Some people say I would like to use the restroom. Do you feel that there's something gross about imposing an awareness on the people who are with you?

I do. And to me, I always feel like when someone clarifies that it's just pee, they're lying. And I think that they're really- Jerking off. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. The white stuff is coming out. You were right. You were right.

No, I do. I don't need to know what you, it's none of my business what you do in there. You don't have to tell me what you're about to do. So you prefer I have to go to the restroom. Sure, or I'm going to go into this room. That seems really much more suspicious. I would be nearly certain that the person was going to masturbate.

I'm going to go into this room. For an indeterminate amount of time, I'm going to be occupied in this room. What was your first television experience? Let me guess, The Office? Yeah. Yeah. And you had, there was like Gabe Merch and stuff like that? No, but you would just see like, for the show you were on or whatever.

And there were like Silicon Valley, there started to be like stuff where you'd see like, oh, this is a little doll that looks like you're, or fan fiction, I like that. Like erotic fan art, I really like that. Oh yeah. Yeah. Have you ever been reading like erotic fan fiction

about one of your characters and then you're reading and going like, wait a minute, I've done all this. And then you're like, who sent this? Who posted this? You know, I grew up with a kid who was, I think went on to be a Marine and was like from a kind of conservative family. And this is the sweetest thing, adolescent boy,

like loved sport, you know, just kind of like your prototypical like jock kid. But when he didn't like pornography, he liked to find old literary erotica and read it. Isn't that so sweet? Read it to himself or to a not allowed friend? Like so like other guys that have like whatever penthouse and he would be reading about like

Whatever like lady shatterleys lover. Yes, that's exactly right. That's okay I mean, you know, that's what it was written for isn't it sweet. Yeah that he felt yeah I don't know how I found out I'm sure once the internet was invented. He's just like, oh, okay now I'm now I'm at pornhub. No, I think he was finding it on the internet Really? Yeah. yeah. Okay. And one time we had a sleepover and I made him read a one act play with me. I guess maybe because my dad would read us Lost in Yonkers or whatever Neil Simon plays.

So then I was like, let's read. This'll be fun. Truly. Me and my dad do this. It was like an old, well, this is what I didn't realize. This is before I knew he liked the literary eroticism. So I was like, let's read this 19th century British satire one act play.

And then we read it and he was like, down, he did it. And then later I found out about the literary pornography and I was like, oh, yeah. My instincts were spot on. I wonder if he got horny while we did this play. Oh, interesting. I hope so. If he wanted to.

Man, I gotta go to one of these sleepovers at your place. Yeah, man. These sound great. I mean, they're not, just to be clear, it's not happening currently. That was when I was a boat. Oh really? Oh, okay. Yeah, when it was age appropriate. I thought this was like not happening currently. That was when I was a boat. Oh really? Oh, okay.

Yeah, when I was age appropriate. I thought this was like two weeks ago. No, but if you wanted to sleep over at my house, you're legitimately welcome. Could I really? And I'm not talking about couch surfing. I'm talking about a real sleepover where like we're in the same room.

You have like another bed, you know, like and, or maybe we make a fort and stuff like that. That's fun. Yeah. I would, is my, the thing about sleepovers for me that was really interesting is just the kind of scuba diving into another family and seeing like, Oh my God, it's not the same.

My first best friend was a born again Christian and my family were heathens, we're just secular Jews and we would curse all the time. And we were playing Atari and I said, God damn it. And his mother, Judy, just like, oh my God, she was, she wasn't angry. She was just heartbroken. She was just like, oh, we don't do that.

We don't say that. And I was bewildered. Another time I was at my friend James's house and his parents were fighting and then I came home and I was really upset and I told my parents, I was like, James's parents are gonna get a divorcement. And they did. Oh, okay. You're right on the money with that. Yeah, yeah, I was like, James's parents are gonna get a divorcement. And they did. Oh, okay, so you're right on the money with that.

Yeah, yeah, I was right. Wow, okay. Not to brag. Let's get to know our next guest. What do you say? Because maybe we'll like them. Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah, that would be great.

She's a child development expert. Do you have, I don't know your personal situation. Do you have children? No, I have none. None, none, zero. Zero children. Yeah, so the sum total of your children is zero. That's right.

Okay, I have the sum total is one. So I have a recent child. And so I'm very excited to talk to her about maybe what's in store for my child. And this is a serious subject. So I'm glad that we have someone who's an expert on. Please welcome Margot Titz. I'm sorry, what was the, can I just, what we have someone who's an expert on. Please welcome Margo Titz. I'm sorry, what was the, can I just, what's her name?

Margo Titz. Hi there, thanks for having me on the show, Scooters. Hi Margo, yeah. Yep, it's me, Margo Titz. I am an early childhood development expert. When you say early child, meaning early childhood or you are an early adopter to the world of child development? Both and neither. So earlier than you could ever imagine when the baby starts growing, it's so early on.

Now I've written a book called Raising Kids. I'm an expert on raising kids. Raising kids. Raising kids. Raising kids. Because it's so early? Like the California raisins? Like it's like they're like just tissue, like a raisin like in the womb?

Yeah, like. Yeah, okay, sure. No. You don't have to yes and this. I am an expert on raisin kids. Now, what's a raisin kid? It's a kid that's so small, it's the size of a raisin. Okay, that's what we're, okay. You know, premature baby? Is that a specific person?

Do you know premature baby? He's a mascot for the local hospital. Premature baby. You've never seen him? No, I haven't seen him. I work with him on educating the public on different kinds of babies. Wait, is your job just to educate us about the different types of babies? Well, and specifically, I guess, raising kids. So now when a baby is premature, it could be a week premature.

That's kind of what we call the big fat ones. And on the other side of the scale, you could be- Maybe one day premature. You could be eight and a half and 12 days premature. And that is a raising kid. That's not as far back as the scale goes too, by the way. That's as far back as it goes, yeah. Because the raising kids are still living and they get sent to the special incubator in Ontario. Oh, I see. Ontario. Are you Canadian by the way? No. Okay. Yeah. I just are you Canadian by the way? No. Okay, yeah, I just, you have a Canadian air about you.

Oh, I'm from Minnesota. Oh, you are? Raisin capital of the world. I did not know that. My wife is from Minnesota and she does not like raisins. Maybe that's why. I'm married, Scott. You don't have to say, oh, my wife, this,

I'm not coming on to you. Okay, I said I was married. I know, you're trying to tell me that you're married as if I'm doing something inappropriate to you. You're not said I was married. I know, you're trying to tell me that you're married as if I'm doing something inappropriate to you. You're not, I mean, you are very close to me right now. I hugged your lower back tight when I met you. Yeah, it made- Maybe too low.

I have a recent lower back tattoo as well. It's very itchy and so it kind of irritated. Were you a premature baby by any chance? I was not, no, I was to the day. Really? I believe, yeah. How come your body's so, so like that? Explain, so like what?

So well, it's stretched in the middle and it's melted on the hands. Big, big tall, but not really emotionally big. Yeah, yeah. Taking up a little bit of space as if, early origins would suggest not fully developed. No, I don't know how to explain that other than just like not know, like not working

out maybe. The premature Riz the kids are calling it. Exactly. Yeah. So tell me about your work. Do you have an office? Well, I'm on a mission to raise awareness for raising kids because you see what happens is they get sent to a special hospital in Ontario, the Shania Twain Memorial Hospital. Oh, that's a... She's not dead, we're just remembering her. And we keep... We can remember people.

We can remember her! Yeah. Don't call in! Yeah, don't... Don't get upset. Don't get... Don't be complaining about like, oh my God, you made me think Shania Twain was dead. Well, and she's going to be eventually.

We all are. Zach, you ever think about that? About Shania Twain's death? Yeah. Every day? Yeah. Shania Tumnus. How do you ever think about that? About Shania Twain's death? Yeah. Every day. Yeah. Shania Tumnus. How do you think she's gonna go? Oh my God.

I think just like- Hopefully like while she's doing something she loves. I hope it's just that she transcends. She just passes over. She just hits a note. Like in the middle of a big concert, she's singing like, you hear that boys? And she sings about who?

She goes, man, I feel like a woman. Yeah, Brad Pitt or whatever she's singing about. And then just suddenly she just like, boo, just like Jesus. Boo. Just boo, right up to heaven. Brr. Yep.

Remember when Jesus went up to heaven, he was like, brrrah. Yep, brrrah. He just went up. His reggaeton stuff was pretty offensive, honestly. Yeah, it really was. It's like, Jesus, I know you're Middle Eastern. So tell me.

Right, so special hospital for the premature kids that are on the raisin side of the scale. And so now what I'm here on the podcast to talk about is there's been a terrible mistake. Oh no, a mistake. Now, I was in charge of the raisin kids and I took them for a field trip to unfortunately the Kellogg's factory.

No. And they went on the Beltline and they got themselves into the two scoops of raisins in every Kellogg's box of raisins. All of them? All of them. Okay. So now- How many souls are we missing?

At least 400,000. You brought 400,000 raisin kits to- Well, they're a little itty bitty. They almost fit in my purse. Oh my God. What do you mean they all, you tried to put- I brought also a backpack, a second person, a bowling bag. Oh, okay.

So I brought them over there- So it's sort of like when you get a milkshake, you get an extra cup or something like that? Exactly. And I was at the factory, I was showing them around, I had to go pee in the bathroom. You were going into that room over there for an indeterminate amount of time. That's right. Okay. And what I was really doing was doing poo. You were? into that room over there for an indeterminate amount of time. That's right. Okay. And what I was really doing was doing poo.

You were. I see this is what- But I told them pee. I told them pee. And when I came out, they were all gone. And I said, oh, Christ. They've gotten on the belt and they've gotten now distributed to America. Oh, no.

So anyone who's eating raisin bran right now. Yeah. Oh, this is a terrible, terrible story. So you got to check to see, you know, do I have a raisin or do I have a raisin kit? How can we check? What are the differences? Well, you can take a raisin

and you can hold it underwater. If you see little bubbles coming out, it's screaming for its life. Okay, that's the only method. Not the only way. Okay, because this seems cruel. It seems like waterboarding these poor little raisin kits. Well, don't do it for long.

If you see a bubble, as soon as you see a bubble, take it out. The minute you see one bubble? The minute you see one bubble, and it's going to be a small one. This should be a two bubble test. No, it's not the two bubble test. That's for higher up on the preemie scale. For the big fat ones. That's the big fat preemie test.

And that's kind of, you shouldn't be testing it. It's like, if you've got a big fat preemie baby, you know what it is, don't test it. I would prefer to test it. Why? Where do you worry that it's going to be? I just don't want to prefer to test it. Why, what are you worried that it's gonna be? I just don't wanna find out that I was wrong and it's not. It's not premature?

Yeah. If it's on time, I wanna know. Cause if you're late, you're early. You know the whole thing, if you're early. Yeah, five minutes early is being on time. That's right. So what people need to, every single raisin that's in your raisin bran,

you need to hold underwater for how long? Just a moment. As soon as you see a bubble, take it out. Or check for things like little eyes, little boots, pants, if it's wearing clothes at all, it's a raisin kid. Okay, any kind of clothes. And this is, I can imagine the post, or this is Kellogg's, right?

Kellogg's raisin bran. I can imagine the Kellogg's company maybe making a cereal that has raisins with clothes on it. They do. They have, it's a fruity, it's a part of fruity pebbles. It's fruity pebbles now with raisins with clothes on. What happens if I just eat them? Well, it gets even worse.

What happens? They're, you know how gremlins, they eat milk and they can become more gremlins? I mean, as- Scott, you know how gremlins eat milk and become more gremlins. That mean, as the movie- Scott, you know how gremlins eat milk and become more gremlins. That's not covered in the movie. Scott, whatever this cute flirtatious act is,

oh, pretend I don't know a movie and have her- You are nose to nose with me right now. Back up. How her explain it to me. It does feel like you're laundering your flirting by mentioning your wife because you're, and I don't know, are you married, Margot? My husband's dead, thank you.

You said you were You said you were married. Yeah, but he well married once and married forever into the grave wear a sweater Wear a sweater wear it not take it off when you get hot kiss your husband once or twice Married forever roll the dice and that's from the bible. I haven't heard that particular book What I was going to say about the gremlins, which you claim to not understand in a flirtatious way Is that if you do happen to be one of these raising kids, it embeds itself inside intestine and becomes, makes more. Oh no, so then you have so many of these kids, it's like parasites.

Have you ever pooped out a raisin, Scott? I mean. That's given birth. And that means if you saw one, there's about 40,000 others in the toilet bowl. And they eat poop to stay alive. What? Zach, have you ever heard the like?

I mean, I guess I never wanted kids before and that continues. Yeah, I mean, it sounds, I guess I was lucky with what happened with mine. I mean, it just came out kind of- Oh, you had a regular size? Regulation size, yeah. Just- That is lucky.

Yeah. But you don't know, you should check the house. You might have raisin kids in there. Oh no, really? Yes. I've pooped out corn before, are those kids? I'm not sure, I don't deal with that species. You don't deal with corn?

No. You say that's species? Yeah. Is it different? Corn kid, I don't know it. But I think they have. Corn kid, I don't know it. Yeah, exactly.

Anyway, so check your raisins for pants. And if they're sugar pants made by the Kellogg's factory, you'll be able to lick them off. But if you can't lick them off, that's a real trouser. So lick the pants, but- But don't do it in a perverted way. These are children. Jesus Christ.

God, Scott. Do you recommend getting consent before you do this? Of course. Okay, so ask the raisin child whether you have consent to lick his pants off. And if they say yes, that's one clue as to whether it's a raising child or not. It's a clue for sure.

But you don't know for sure. You put them underwater still. You still have to give them a dunk. All right, well, we need to get to our next guest. She's an educator. This is so exciting to have. Another woman on the podcast. Another woman on the podcast.

Can you imagine too? I can't wait. This is incredible. Please welcome to the show, Mrs. Maxie. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Hi. Oh, I'm sorry. Is Mrs. Maxie?

I thought... Yes, I am Mr. Gunlock. I am here filling in for Mrs. Maxie. She's out today, so I'm a substitute. I'm an emergency certified substitute teacher. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I guess I could have. What is your name again? Mr. Gunlock. Mr. Gunlock. I can call you Mr. Gunlock. Yeah, you can call me Mr. G if you want. Mr. Gun. Mr. Lock. Either any of those works.

Mr. G is cool. That sounds cool when I say it, right? I mean, what about Mr. Goo? Mr. Goo? I've not been called that, but that can be our special thing. I like to have a special nickname with every one of the students I have in class. Oh really? So it's like the special handshake? Yes, but I'm not allowed to touch students, so I don't do that, but I do do nicknames. Is that personal to you or is that every teacher is not allowed? Every substitute teacher, you have three things that you're trained on.

Don't touch students, that's part of your mandatory reporter of child abuse, and also don't touch students. bloodborne pathogens and classroom management. Those are the three things that you're trained on to become an emergency sub. Oh, okay. And what is the emergency? What happened with Mrs. Maxine? I was really looking forward to talking to you.

You know what, if she wanted you to know that, I'm sure she would have told you. Oh, okay. I, you know, honestly, I kind of wish she had just canceled instead of sending, I mean, do you know about what she was gonna talk about? No, you know, she didn't leave me a lesson plan or anything that I know of.

But I know how to handle a classroom and I know how to handle groups of people. So we're gonna use my classroom management skills to make sure everybody's doing all right. Thank you all for sitting down. Oh, sure. I mean, we're adults too. So it's actually kind of fun for us to sit down.

It's like standing is worse. Whereas I think when you're a child, it's the opposite. They wanna be, you know, too, so it's actually kind of fun for us to sit down. Standing is worse. Whereas, I think when you're a child, it's the opposite. They want to be, they have so much energy. Well, what you do is you make sure, instead of calling out bad behavior, you want to make sure that you're complimenting good behavior. So I want to say, thank you all for sitting down. Thank you all for behaving and being quiet.

I'm sitting on Scott's lap. When I would say, that's an unwanted behavior because you're not supposed to be touching each other, I'd say over here to Zack, thank you for not sitting on anybody's lap. Oh, no problem. No, yeah. I can I thank her for sitting on my lap because that's a behavior that I like.

Well, are you trying to manage the classroom? I could. Do you want me to? He's got you there, Scott. Well, are we flirting now? A little bit. And that's very inappropriate. I'm not allowed to do that at all.

OK, I'm sorry. Oh, I want to try too. Mr. Goo, I'm sorry. Oh, I wanna try too. Mr. Goo, is it true what they say about your goo? Oh, what do they say about my goo? I'm not allowed to ask that, I apologize. And I have to say, I am married. So I don't know if this thing that we have, obviously we have something very combustible.

You want me to hop off your lap? Yeah, okay. Hey, do you mind if I hop on yours? Whoa, okay, that's fine. Zach, thanks for not flirting with anybody. Oh, I've been flirting. It just, I've been flirting. That's flirting to you?

Yeah, I just don't, I'm not that great at it. Yeah, huh. Oh, sorry. I have a hard time. You're doing great, pal. But I think, honestly, are you with anyone? No, I keep myself free from my hobbies. You do, okay.

No wives or dead wives, anything like that? No, I have a trail of failed girlfriends. Oh, they failed. Me. They failed you. They failed me. That's right. I have high standards. Well, you know, it seems like we have two available single people who are, you know,

very available and looking for love perhaps. Certainly. So if you want to go on a second date, we'll pay for it. You will? Sure. Where will you send us? Wherever you want in the world. Where would you like to go? Maybe the Statue of Liberty's torch?

Yeah, let's go check that out. We can write that off as well as a business expense because we're gonna make oodles off of this screenplay. If I'm paying for it, I don't know if you're gonna write it off as a business expense, but whatever you need to do. Well, I'll double dip if I can. Oh, sure. Do you feel like that's a key feature

of your date planning is tax savings and stuff? Quite a bit, quite a bit. Because they're not thinking that way. My dates, my failed girlfriends, I'm always finding out they are not considering the financial repercussions of our dates. And do you feel like the same thing with like where you have to keep fires alive

in a literal way, like that that's your sole responsibility with your partners? Well, I think, what? Like, you know how you have to keep fires alive? That is, by the way, the perfect comedy bang bang answer. Well, I think, what? What? Number one, two.

Alrighty, yes. We have, of course, Lisa was playing Margot Tits. And, um, and then Charlie was playing Mr. Gunlock, a substitute teacher. Now Charlie is occasionally a substitute teacher, which is why he knows so much about it. I didn't know that. Yeah.

He, uh, I think, uh, he, he is very funny. He was on the show, uh, AP Bio. Yeah. Really funny show. Yeah. He, uh, I think, uh, he, he's very funny. He was on the show, uh, AP bio. Yeah. Really funny show. Yeah. Really funny show. And he was very good on it. Uh, and you can see that showing and he, uh, he, he, he came out on tour with us

and was it Madison Madison and he just destroyed him. Madison did that fucking guy. He did the Menards guy. Oh, I can't remember his name. Who I'd never heard of, but everyone in Madison had. Oh my God. That kind of shit, I love that so much when I don't have to get it in order to appreciate

the joy that it is bringing people who really get it. And that's the thing about comedy I've always said is like growing up watching like SCTV, I didn't know who Sam Peckinpah was, but they were making fun of him and I got a good idea. Like you don't have to know who a thing is to think something is funny. But Charlie's very, very funny.

He also does a character. Uh, the cop, the cop character. That's not on our countdown, but, uh, but that's very funny. Charlie, uh, he took my gun. Charlie's very funny. And then Lisa, of course, this is our first appearance from Lisa playing Margot Tits, trying to raise awareness for raisin kids.

Kids who are little raisins. Yeah, you just heard it. Anyway, very funny. Paul, we're gonna take a break and then we're gonna hear our last episode of part one. This is exciting. I'm excited. I'm excited, that's what I meant.

Do you think we'll crack the top 10? Not this episode. You don't think so? I don't think so. No, man, that's disappointing, but okay. Did you think we were going to? I thought I'd hoped we would. Well, of course I hoped we would,

but I just don't see it. I don't see it happening either actually. I've cheated, I've looked at what our next episode, what number it is. You're a cheater. I know I'll never prosper, but when we come back after this break, we're gonna hear your choice for number 11,

not the top 10, but number 11. Still exciting. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang best of part One after this. Bop. Bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop b numbers are in our lives. Play into our lives, yeah. I would do away with them if I could. All of them? Mm-hmm. You wouldn't keep one to 10?

Nope. I think that would be handy. Why? When's the last time you ever really needed a number? Well, shit, you got me. Like, I have no answer. You know, I'll just say, like, give me a handful of those bananas.

And however many bananas I can hold, that's how many I'll buy. How many bananas do you think you could hold? Maybe half. If they're, if they're, if they're, uh, removed from the bunch. Oh, removed from the bunch? These are singular bananas. Oh, remove, oh, not removed from the peel. Removed from the bunch.

Okay. I'm really trying to game this out. From the bunch once removed. Mm-hmm. I bet I could hold, I have in between my fingers, I have four gaps. Oh, wait, are you going to like put the little stems in there? Wolverine claws. Oh, loophole.

I bet I could carry, I bet I could carry five bananas. How long could you carry them? Hmm. Three days, if I stayed up the entire three days. 72 hours. Wow. Hands on a hard body style. That candy killed him. That's the earworm that's in my head.

I don't remember that, Burt. Do you remember there was a dude who, if you haven't seen Hands on a Hard Body, it's an amazing documentary about people trying to win a truck by keeping their hands on it. Which we watched during Mr. Show, I know, during the season that I worked on, and I swear that we were trying to write a sketch about it, but I don't recall if we ever did.

That sounds about right. Yeah. But there was one guy whose plan was to eat a bunch of candy for energy. And then he is of course eliminated. That's a minor spoiler. He doesn't make it. The candy plan did not work.

And then they interview one of the other contestants I think that went out before him and the guy says, that candy killed him. And I probably think about that once a day. Because you, you keep a lot of candy, uh, at eye level around your house. Yeah. Yeah. That candy killed him.

I just love the, not to spoil too much about it if people want to watch it, but I love that like the last one or two guys start hallucinating and start imagining that they've always been there and that the car dealership grew up around them. Yeah. Yeah. That's a hard one. Fun stuff.

Fun stuff. Well, speaking of fun stuff, we have to get to our next clip and this is the last clip that we'll hear of this particular episode. But this is your choice everyone for episode number 11. Number one, one. Okay, now this ideally should be the last time

we ever hear number one, one. Yeah. Because people are going to remind us on June 1st. They're going to remind us. Now of course we're still gonna hear number one, zero. Oh no, that'll be number 10, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We have up to 10.

Number zero, five. If we record it, we should record zeros. We should record zeros. But that, so remember, if you wanna hear a streamlined, beautiful, modern- Beautifully sung and performed. Yes, rendition of the numbers. With like, a little bit of jazz influence probably.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also kind of rockin'. Yeah, and maybe a song of punk spirit. Sure. Then you must remind us June 1st to re-record the numbers. June 1st, and not after June 1st. It's gotta be June, it's June 1st or bust. Yeah.

Not before, not after. June 1st, remind us to record those. We must, we must, we must increase our bust. And we will do it. That's right. And we will do it. And we will do it. But this is on you guys. This is your fault.

And it always will be. All right, Paul, this is episode, this is everyone's votes voted for this for episode 11. This is episode number, this is the palindromic 888. That spooks me out. Yeah. Because if you subtract 222 from that. Yeah.

Well, another palindromic. The worst one. Yeah. Because it's the devil. 222, by the way, that's palindromic. Then you add 222 to it. It's 444. That's palindromic.

Where does this end? I think it ends at 888. Wow. How much do you have to add to 888 to get 1001? 1001 you would. Or to get 999, I suppose. 111, palindromic. Yeah.

Ah. Ah, palindromic. Palindromic. Now what's even spookier is the title of this. This came out on October 28th of 2024. Okay. That's very close to this. The title of this episode is, Return to Suicide House,

Dom Perasol. Okay, the first part I get, I'm familiar with these references. You'll hear it in the clip exactly. Second part, I assume there's a colon in there. There is a colon, yeah. Okay, and Dom. Not like human beings.

Don Parasol? Dom Parasol. Dom Parasol, okay. Yes, you'll hear exactly how that comes up. I hope so, because it makes zero sense to me. Yep, well you didn't listen to this episode when it came out apparently. Who says I didn't?

Maybe you just forgot it, is that what you're gonna say? Yeah, maybe I did. Oh, okay. Let's talk about who's in this. We have our good friend, of course, Jimmy Pardo is in this episode. That's right. From the Never Not Funny podcast. Correct.

He graces us with his presence once every couple of years, I believe. And then quid pro quo, Clarice, you appear on his podcast as well. For six months. But I do ask Jimmy to do it more, but he's a very busy guy. He is.

Um, but, um, this has Jimmy Pardo. We have John Daly. We have Ben Rogers. We heard Ben Rogers earlier playing the Night Wolf, Jack Furs. And we have Nick Weiger. And this is a, when I say return to Suicide House, that's because we haven't done one of these since 2017. That was episode five, another palindromic five 15. Um, we haven't done one of these Halloween

episodes in 2017. We used to do them every year, sort of. And then I got sick of it. And it's just hard to, it's very hard to schedule these particular people all the time. Yes, yes, yes. It's very hard to schedule these particular people all the time. Yes, yes, yes. Now, what happened this time, how it came about, was I booked Jimmy.

A lot of times on the show, the booking, how it comes about is you need your anchor in terms of the celebrity guest who is very busy and can only do a very specific time. Right? So that's Jimmy. I said, Hey, I really want you to have you on soon. Can you do next week? And so I booked him at a particular time. Then I went out to Ben Rogers, who has never done a Halloween episode before. Never. Of anything.

Of anything. He didn't even know what it was. I explained the concept to him. Yeah. All Hallows Eve. You had to go back to Samhain. And so Ben, Ben was solid for that date. And then he reached out to me and said like, uh,

Hey man, uh, this is your Ben Rogers. Yeah. Uh, Hey man, uh, when's this episode coming out? Do you know? And I, and at the time I said, oh, it's either going to come out on, um, October 28th or November 4th. I don't know when.

And he was like, oh, okay. Because my idea is kind of Halloween themed. And a light bulb went off in your skull, like a light jack-o-lantern. Oh yes. We keep light bulbs in jack-o-lanterns. Yeah. Makes more sense.

Yeah, of course. Why be candles? Yeah, come on. Um, in any case, so I said, he said, oh, it's Halloween themed. I kind of, and by the way, we're coming up on 24 hours until we're supposed to record and I still don't have other guests and I've been scrambling trying to find people and, but I was like, oh, it's Halloween themed. Let me just reach out to John Daly.

It can't hurt to ask. I recently went to Jane's Addiction with John Daly. Yes. Um, saw one of their- That's a restaurant here. Yes. Where you can get hot dogs. And, um, so he was on my mind. So I said, John, any chance you are free tomorrow to do, uh, your character, uh, Buford LeBaron?

And he was free. And I said, wow, I just gotta reach out to Nick Weigert. Why not? your character, Buford LeBaron, and he was free. And I said, wow, I just gotta reach out to Nick Weigert. Why not? Nick Weigert happened to also be free, which is just very rare that everyone just has a day that everyone is free. Very rare.

So we just threw together another one of these Halloween episodes, and you voted it to be number 11. Now we have Jimmy Pardo is himself and then John Daly is the aforementioned Buford LeBaron, who is the occupant of the titular suicide house, a creepy house, a haunted house, and he's been alive for hundreds of years.

And then we're not going to hear Ben Rogers' character because we heard him as the Nightwolf, but that character is Raven Mays who has a haunted corn field, I believe. But then we're going to hear Nick Weiger who joins us as a new character. So this is very exciting. So you guys voted for this. This is your number 11. Number one, one. Jimmy, it's great to have you on the show and I appreciate you meeting me here at the new studio. I got a, Earwulf sent me an email saying

there's a new studio that you're gonna be recording in. That was not on Waze by the way. It wasn't, yeah, it's a little strange. It's an address I'd never heard of, but we're here. And I appreciate you meeting me here. A brand new era of Comedy Bang Bang, and you're here. What do you mean by that? Well, I mean, new studio, it's kind of a brand new era.

I understand. That said, Jimmy, it's great to have you on the show. I like the new dicks. And we, Ooh. They are a little drafty, so I think you're hearing the wind blowing through. Did you not close the window?

You can close the windows, that may solve that problem. That would solve the draft problem. Not the military draft. Somebody just open the window more. Yeah can we shut the window? The wind is now... it's sounding like it's saying the Halloween episode. Is this a wind talker? We got a wind talker? We may have a wind talker. Hello, it is me. You're gonna have to be more specific, sir. Buford LeBaron.

Buford LeBaron, why is that scratching a little tickle in my brain? Why do I know those? You, because of Halloween episodes of episodes passed. We stopped doing Halloween episodes years ago. Why wouldn't you do it? It's a way of wasting the holiday. I got sick of doing them for some reason.

They're once a year. Why would you get sick of doing something once a year? We're in the studio, I'm sorry. If you have show. You were just talking about my favorite wits. Funny or die. Oh wow. Okay.

All right. Okay. Sir, if you, we have the studio. Because I love comedy, so if it's funny, that's good. That's why. But then if it's bad, it's die. Sir, we're in the studio for a while. May I ask you to find your way to an egress?

Ooh. It's got to this. Is that some fancy, I'm 300 years old. Well then you should know more words. There's never been a time when that's a normal thing to say. No, I'm sorry, sir, we're in the middle of a show. I got the, there must be some confusion. I got the address to this new studio.

Yes. It's 1122 Boogie Woogie studio. Yes! It's uh one one two two boogie woogie avenue. Yes that's my address lightning strike. Oh my god! Hey! Wait a minute I remember this address! Yes! Suicide house. No we're back! Yes! Jimmy I'm so sorry!. I don't, now I'm unhappy about, my son is gonna be very unhappy, it turns out. Are you guys done? Jesus Christ. My God, legitimately, legitimately, hi, I'm Jimmy, I've spoken before, frighten me.

Wow. Good. Oh boy. Hi, Buford. Yes. Buford LeBaron. Yes. Sir, where have you been for the last eight years?

I've been knocking on doors. Oh, are you canvassing? I'm getting very political lately. Oh, really? I've been knocking on doors for Joe Biden. Oh, no. Sir, sir, you've got old news. Yes, he's my favorite presidential candidate.

Sir, you're wasting your time. Wasting my what? Your time. He's not running anymore. The gentleman's out. Well, you don't know that my time is out., he's not running anymore. The gentleman's out. Well, you don't know that my time is out. I've wasted all of it. I'm a dead person. You're 300 years old.

When were you born? And so I'm advocating for dead people's rights. Were you born in the 1700s? Yes, yes. I died in the Pirates of the Caribbean. Ride? Yes, the real, what the ride is based on. Oh, okay.

Yes, the first cannonball thing. Thanks for having us, Buford. How did you trick me into doing another episode of this? Because... I didn't say why, I said how. Why? Okay, asshole. Okay, asshole.

Easy, Mr. Labyrinth. All right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry but you you go ahead with what you want welcome To comedy fan-fang. That's right. That's right. The most evil Halloween Holiday podcast once a year to ever be back right now. That's right. Yes. It's Halloween is coming up. I'm sorry I didn't look at the dates, Jimmy, but Halloween is this Thursday.

It's on the 31st this year. The 31st this year, yeah. Yeah, what are you, Buford, do ghouls like you? I'm sorry to be reductive, but you are a ghoul, right? Yes, I'm a ghoul, yes. Like so many in America now. Do you dress up for Halloween? No, I don't need to. I just stick around and this year I'm going to be just working the phone banks for two.

Again, sir, I'm begging of you to move on to a new... It's a candidate. No, no, well, there's only one for me. Only one will represent dead Americans. Which I identify as. We need representation, just like every other kind of person. Yeah. Dead people. Buford, are you woke now?

Do you have the woke mind virus? No, I'm trying to fight it at every turn. Are you really? Yes, yes, no, no. I'm fully dead pill Wait your Deadpool I'm dead pooled Yes, your Deadpool versus Wolverine in that I beat people up and then do funny clip quit And clips sometimes sometimes I do but I'm interested sometimes you'll get my haircut. Why not? Why not?

He doesn't need it. I got his Deadpool. That's right. Deadpool... He's made of scabs. Does Deadpool have a wig on? At any time, you mean? Like, no, I think he's always... Wait, wait, what? I feel like he's wearing a wig because he's bald, right? He has a scarred head. He's got a scarred head. And he wears a wig.

Yes. Right? I'm correct on this, right? Yeah. Does he wear a wig? Oh, I don't know. Do you think The Rock should just wear Deadpool's wig when he's in a movie I do I mean if you're asking seriously my answer is yes like have the Rock go hey Give me that wig brother that is Rock impression ever heard of my life, and I needs to wear more funny weeks

That is something I what if you were the John 316 wig I would I would welcome it In a movie big rainbow wings he shows He shows up to the set one day. Yeah, he's cast in Jungle Cruise 2 or whatever the fuck he does. Mm-hmm. And he shows up and he goes, and he has the rainbow wig and everyone's like, Ha ha, hey look at your hair! And he's like, ha ha ha ha. And then they go, okay, let's rehearse. And he still has the wig on. Everyone's thinking like he's gonna take off this wig. And then he does take one and he doesn't take the wig off and people go up to him and go hey you still haven't taken the wig off he's like no this is what I look like in this movie what happens then?

I think that they kiss his ass and they let him do it and then we love it then we love I mean that's what basically what happened to Tom Hanks in those you know those Dom parasol what are they? You're doing okay? Were you searching around for the missing shit? Da Vinci Code? Yes! Good Lord! You just called it the dumbest thing. It's nothing like Da Vinci Code.

I couldn't remember the name. It's nothing like Da Vinci Code. Dom Parasol. Dom Parasol. What if Da Vinci's name was Dom Parasol? I would love it. Would he be as famous? Can't answer that.

This is great. Well, I don't know if our next guest does any of those types of sounds, but I do know that he writes and composes music, and my producer is giving me the information on who the person is and please welcome... oh no... all right please welcome back to the show Leo Carpazzi hi Scott your listenership I'm sorry to disappoint you, but Leo Carpazzi cannot attend this year's Comedy Fang Fang. Oh, oh, I don't know that it's a disappointment, honestly. I, Jimmy, I don't know if you would know. I don't know the history, no. Leo Carpazzi, do you want to explain, who, I'm sorry, who are you? Yes, I should introduce myself.

You should. My name is Sutannick Carpazzi. Sut-a? Sutannick Carpazzi. Sutannick Carpazzi. Is the Sut-ta like in quotes like a nickname and your name is Nick? It's part of my legal name. Sutannick is your nickname? Yeah. People call me Nick as a nickname. Okay. Talk right into that thing if you want. Yeah, sure. I know you're not used on behalf of this this other fellow? Uh, yeah, so what happened is that uh, my my my Leo Carpazzi was my great uncle and he liked to come on comedy fang thing. It was a thing he looked forward to every year to come on the podcast. We stopped having him on I think the last time was maybe. He came on semi-regular it seemed like it was like a biannual thing. Three years ago.

He may have still enjoyed it. I think during lockdown was the last time we talked to him. Nah, he came on semi-regular. It seemed like it was like a biannual thing. Maybe three years ago. He may have still enjoyed it. I think during lockdown was the last time we talked to him. Nah, he came on after lockdown. I know he was voted as number one character in quotes of all time. He wasn't a character to me. I mean, he was a character. He's quite a character. But I just knew him as Great Uncle Leo.

And unfortunately, this man,, famously composed the Monster Mash in 1962, a song later popularized by Bobby Boris Pickett, although the version that Bobby Boris Pickett sang was a sanitized version of his original vision. He was a man who was obsessed with death, obsessed with the macabre, and now he himself has passed on. Oh, good! Leo Carpazzi is dead. I'm so, so sorry. I mean, he, he, I won't say he was a beloved addition to our roster of guests necessarily

as much as he was on the show several times. He was on the show a number of times, and again, he treasured these experiences. He talked about it all. Scott Aukerman, Scott Aukerman, he's such a great champion of my vision for the song. He's getting the word out, he's platforming me. This man whose original lyrics were smothered by the industry and this G-rated version

that Bobby Boris Pickett was singing everywhere. That's the one that everyone knew, but that's not the song that he wrote. I don't know whether it was reciprocal, our feelings, but I never really cared to have him on the show. He kept, I mean, part of his thing was, Jimmy, and you don't know this, he kept promising to write a new song.

Every year he would come onto the podcast with a new and fully distinct song. I don't know, I don't think so. Completely original compositions, very diverse, hitting all sorts of genres. And that was part of his gift as a great composer. Well I hate to hear about any human being dying, honestly. I hope that no one... I love to hear that. I must say, Scott, as we were going through his estate... How long ago did this happen?... After his passing yesterday

Oh goodness, it's very fresh I understand why I wasn't told Yeah Maybe, things might have gotten busy No, it just happened It was 24 hours ago, like you could have emailed us Well, I mean I don't have access to his email account He was an old man, you know

But you had the instructions of where to come? Yeah, I knew where to come I knew 1212 Boogie Woogie Avenue 1122, but okay so anyway So I but what we're going through is a state as we're going through his belongings we found one recording that none of us had ever heard that I believe Was his final composition. Oh and there was a note attached that said please deliver

To Scott Aukerman care of comedy fang fang, for play on the podcast. Wow. I believe this is his Mozart's Requiem, the thing that he was working on when he exited this mortal realm. OK, so you haven't heard it? I've never heard it, no. As per his wishes, it's to debut on the show. Well, here's part of my issue with this. Yeah. I would have Leo on the show all the time.

Yes. He would come on, he'd say, I've written a new song, I've written a new song, and it would be exactly the same song, but with a slightly different intro. Sometimes not even that. Yeah, I mean, we have a different interpretation of this. My memory is that he did, you know, nine or 10 fully distinct songs that all had the

Common wildly different a monster fuck, but they were all kind of their own their own Yeah, so my my fear is I'm gonna play this song okay, and it's gonna be the exact same song I have reason to believe this is a completely new song. What are these reasons that you have to believe this? You know it was we we looked through his diaries, we looked through his personal writings, and he seemed to be saying, like, I'm really expanding what a spooky song could be. Why not just listen to the actual song?

Well, because his wishes were for you to hear it first. So you read his diaries instead. Yeah, we read his diaries. Of course, when I read diaries. Is there any weird shit in there? There's some weird shit. That's, you get some weird shit when you read his diarhea. Well, I mean, I'm reticent. Jimmy, you haven't heard these other songs. I've not heard the

original, so I'm interested in hearing this new version. Yeah, I mean, look, my hope is that this is a brand new masterpiece. I can say I feel confident that this is not just another version of the monster fuck I feel in my bones in my heart in my soul. This is a holy new song. Okay I mean it's out honestly. I'm tempted Because I first of all he has been on the show many times. I hate to hear about his passing and I would like to honor him Sometimes when we honor those who have passed on we show clips of their previous appearances times. I hate to hear about his passing and I would like to honor him. Sometimes when we honor those who have passed on we show clips of their previous appearances. So even if it were the exact same song it would be like airing

clips of his previous ten times I believe. So I'm not I'm not against it. I'm tempted by this but what I would really love is if it were just a brand new masterpiece akin to the Monster Mash song that we've all grown to love. We're gonna find out, I guess. I mean, do you wanna just play it? We'll all find out together. I guess we can, yeah. All right, let's do this, I guess.

This is, is it titled or anything like that or? The title is simply The End. The End. I think he knew The End was near and again, you know. Incredible. This was kind of his meditation on his final moments. Alright, well let's hear it. This is the debut of a song called The End by Leo Carpazzi, his final, final masterpiece.

This is for you, Great Uncle Leo. I was working in the lab late one night when my eyes beheld an eerie sight for my monster from his slab began to rise and suddenly to my, his trousers dropped right to the floor. With his bottom bare, he ran to the door. I said, Frankenstein, what's gotten into you? He said, my dick is hard and I need to screw. He did the fuck. He did the monster fuck. The monster fuck.

It was a graveyard fuck. He did the fuck. That monster sucked and graveyard buck He did the buck That monster sucked and fucked He did the buck He did the monster buck part 10, the end From my laboratory I heard quite the racket Deep in the castle, the vampires jacked it The zombies all fucked in the graveyard grass

Wolfman wolfed down Frankenstein's ass He did the buck They did the monster buck The monster buck Graveyard grass wolf man walked down Frankenstein's ass They did the monster fuck It was a graveyard fuck Those monsters sucked and fucked They did the monster fuck part 10 the end the beasts all fucked as the orgy spread Bigfoot gave the headless horseman head Swamp thing jerked off in the castle moat While Frankenstein gagged from the jizz in his throat The fucking was wet, there was food like mad

Igor decided to fuck his own dad The mummy let out a horny moan When Medusa's bare tits turned his dick to stone. They did the monster fuck. It was a graveyard fuck. Those monsters sucked and they fucked. They did the monster fuck part 10, the end. And Frankenstein's bride was horny as hell. The hunchback went bareback and rang her bell.

She got titty fucked by a giant spider. Jizz made the streaks in her hair much whiter. She fucked every monster cum one cum all. Her three holes were filled like a bowling ball. And while skeletons boned his undead bride, Frankenstein just jacked off and cried. It's now the Monsterfuck and it's a grave yaa fuck. Those monsters suck and fuck. Now you can Monsterfuck part 10 the end. in Monster Fuck Part 10, the end. Oh no, no, not now.

I'm supposed to go on Comedy Fang Fang tomorrow. I see a white light. Martha, Martha Wayne, I'm coming to join you. My final words were monster fuck. Oh my God, that was hard to listen to. Number one, one. There we go. Very quickly.

Yes. Behind the scenes of Regarding Henry. Yes, please. The character Linda was added to the script just two days before filming wrapped. Before filming wrapped? Yeah. And what character is Linda? No idea.

Okay, but if you're a Regarding Henry. I promised behind the scenes. I did not promise knowledge of- Context. Yeah. We were talking last night about Nick's Monster Fuck song. Yes. And how aggressively he says,

those monsters sucked and fucked. Fucked and sucked, yes. And how it's kind of disturbing. Yeah. And then we watched the video, the Funny or Die video, and it's even, seeing his face do it is even worse. And then we watched the video, the funnier dive video, and it's even seeing his face. Do it even worse.

And we we've taped him. I think I taped him doing it this year as well. I never released it, but it's yeah, it's definitely he gets very into it. There's something about it. That's very chilling. Yeah. He's a chilling guy. Yeah.

He's a stone cold chiller. He just liked to chill out. Yeah. Um, that was, uh, it's back on the countdown. It didn't crack the top 10, but I'm glad Um, that was, uh, it's back on the countdown. It didn't crack the top 10, but I'm glad that people enjoyed the, uh, return to the, doing the Halloween episodes.

It was fun. It was a really fun episode. Yeah, it's really fun. Oh, the other part I wanted to mention about not doing the Halloween episodes is, um, certain years where Halloween occurs very early in the week, um, I get sort of cognizant about not putting out a Halloween episode on like say Halloween is on Tuesday.

Yeah. We put out a Halloween episode on Monday. People don't catch up to listen to this week's episode until Thursday. Sometimes Halloween's already over. You know what I mean? This year, Halloween happened to be on Thursday of that week.

And I thought that was a good enough time where, do you know what I'm saying? I do know what you're saying. I do know what you're saying. Yeah. I mean And I thought that was a good enough time where, do you know what I'm saying? I do know what you're saying. I do know what you're saying. Although my feeling, I guess, is that if you see that it's a episode themed to a holiday, you'll want to listen to it on that holiday. Sure. But I, but I also sometimes think of like, okay, you've taped all these episodes

of the great Christmas light fight. Yeah. And you don't have time to watch them until December 27th. And then you're like, I'm not in the mood for this anymore. I understand, yeah, absolutely. But that's on you.

Oh, why are you taping all these episodes? If you're taping these, you have to manage your time. Yes. So you don't ruin it for yourself. Anyway, it was're taping these to what you have to manage your time. Yes. So you don't ruin it for yourself. Anyway, it was great to hear all those guys again. And that was a very fun episode. I was laughing

during it a lot. Yes, you were. Um, and, uh, yeah, it was very fun. And, uh, so, uh, that takes us to the end of this episode of, uh, part one, but we have one piece of business to go. Yeah, we do. And this is what we talked about earlier in the episode. This is of course, the snowman game.

Now, what is the snowman game? You may ask, what is the snowman game? And you'd be right in doing so. The snowman game is- Do you wanna move the baked goods? Is that, or, okay. Now the snowman game. And you'd be right in doing so. The snowman game is- Do you wanna move the baked goods? Is that, or, okay. Now the snowman game, Paul, you chanced upon this particular snowman where and when in your life?

This was at the old Earwolf Studios. Oh, it was already there in the Earwolf Studios. Yes, it was a decoration in the Earwolf Studios. Oh, okay, this makes sense now why there is this second one that we have. Yes, and when I discovered that this snowman, he's very cute. He's a classic snowman who's wearing a red scarf. He's holding a candy cane.

He's got a, he's got a cold, striped candy cane. Yeah. Do you ever see solid color candy canes? I'd like to. Okay. Okay. You know, like what about people who have vertigo and you can't handle the stripes.

I like to see, I like your black candy cane. Yeah. That's a cool, and he's got, okay, he's got, he does not have a corn cob pipe, but he does have little cold buttons, cold nose, they didn't go for carrot, which is fine. And then seems to have regular eyes and a regular mouth. Yeah, like a human eyes and mouth. And he's got a top hat with a sprig of mistletoe. And here's the thing, you squeeze his little fat hand

and then he spins, he moves, he spins and then stops. He spins, kind of dances around, stops for a bit. He sings, let it snow, let it snow. And he, but then he returns to spinning and- He stops in a different place every time. Different place every time. You never know where he's going to finish the song. Now, Paul, you've been doing this for several years.

You have. It started on off book, I believe. Okay. And you, and you own or you took home with you, one of these snowmen. I think I bought one. You must have bought one. Okay. So then this is the original earwolf one. Yes it is.

Because last year or the year before, you were looking for it and couldn't find it. That's right. I thought that we were done for. You thought you'd have to cancel the show. Yes. I was packing, I was gonna move. Yeah.

And, but Kimmy, our producer, had this one and brought it by and so now we can play the snowman game. And the object of the game is, you want the snowman to ultimately stop when he's done his song. You want him to be facing you. Directly at you.

If he is facing you, directly at you. If he's facing you, you will have good luck for the new year. That's right. Now we've bet on this in previous years. I think I owe you a dinner, which I was going to take you to Olive Garden and use my gift certificate for doing the comedian feud.

That's right. And if I won, if you want, I would do the same thing. I have not done it yet, but we have to schedule this. Yes, we do. So are we going to do a bet on this one or are we saving this for part four? Let's save the bet for parts. Okay.

Because then we'll see how we're doing. Yeah, okay, great. All right. All right, here we go. Squeezing. I'm gonna point him facing neither one of us. By the way, I'm going to face, I'm going to put a microphone and aim it over towards him.

So you can hear his beautiful song. Yes. He accompanies himself. Okay, now I've positioned myself where I want to be. OK. OK, three, two, one. Well, the weather outside is frightful. It is.

OK, he's spinning, he's spinning, he's spinning. He did two complete turns. He's facing neither of us. Spinning again. Two and a half turns right at me. Right at you. Right down the barrel. But that does not bode well for me because he's not done.

There's no way he's gonna. Now he's splitting us. Put a little tease. Oh, back where he started. Back. Not where he started, but the, Where did he start that way? The first spin ended there.

Yeah, wow. Wow. Yeah. Wow. The sky. That's at neither of us. Okay. All right. All right. We'll see what happens next episode.

Now, if that is not an exciting tease and makes you want to come back on Thursday when we have part two, I don't know what is. Also, not to tease people to death. Your nugget tease. Another Don Cheadle clip. Yes. And more regarding Henry behind the scenes. Mm-hmm. You'd nugget tease. Another Don Cheadle clip. Yes. And more regarding Henry behind the scenes. That's right.

And we're going to crack the top 10. Oh, also that. Finally. Yeah. This is incredible. We're going to see you this Thursday for part two, then a week from today on Monday for part three, and then a week from Thursday for part four.

This is what we do every year. We hope you enjoy it. And I think Christmas happens in between these. So have a, yes it does. So have a happy Christmas if you celebrate it. And also Hanukkah starts on the 25th as well. So have a happy- So Merry Christmas and happy Hanukkah

to those who observe, even the haters and losers. Yeah, sure. All you haters and losers, we love hearing from you. All right, we'll see you next time. Bye!