Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Boo-nus Bang: Ben Schwartz, Nick Wiger

Episode Date: October 17, 2024

This is part 2 of our "Boo-nus Bang" series, originally episode #730 titled "Solo Bolo Hallowolo." Ben Schwartz and Scott are back at it with another long-awaited Solo Bolo, and this time: it’s spooky! Expect songs galore as they discuss all things Halloween, drop brand new ’sclusies, test each other’s knowledge of famous movie quotes, and try to work out which Ninja Turtle Ben played. Plus, another thrilling installment of the Olympic Song Challenge! Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb 

Hey everyone, this is host Scott Aukerman welcoming you back to our bonus bang series, or as we're calling them this month, boo-ness bang, boo is what a ghost says, where we're re-releasing beloved spooky episodes of Comedy Bang Bang Out from behind the paywall. This week's episode is number 730, and it's called Solo Bolo Hallowolo. It was released on October 27th, 2021. And for anyone new here, or relatively new here, Solo Bolos, what are they? They are very special episodes where we break the format. And instead of having multiple guests on,

it's just a fun hangout conversation with my Solo Bolo partner, Ben Schwartz. Now, in these, we just have a conversation. Sometimes we sing songs. In this episode, we have a surprise cameo from our favorite Halloween composer, Leo Carpazze, played by Nick Weiger. And of course, if you like what you hear

and you wanna hear the entire CBB Archive, you can become a subscriber at cbbworld.com where you can find every episode we've ever recorded, as well as every single live episode. We are going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang. Until then, enjoy this Boonis Bang! comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, bang into your mouth. You know you wanna bang, bang into your mouth. You know you gotta everybody wants a Lizardous cut. Everybody wants a oh, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,

bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Gah. Hey everyone, Mirror in the Bathroom grant my wish Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tish, welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. No, don't get any of that. It happens so quick. Call back to Monday's episode if you're right.

Oh of course, right, of course. Hey, welcome to Comedy Bang Bang and you know what this means when we sing Bang Bang into your mouth. Bang bang into your mouth, you know you wanna bang bang into your mouth. You know you want to bang bang into your mouth. You know you got to. Everybody want to listen to Scott. Everybody want to walk. Bow. Bow bow. Oh no, Ferris Bueller's running across my backyard.

Oh my God, there he is. Whoa, he just jumped it. Oh my God, he just punched somebody in the face and ran to the next place. Oh my God. Ferris Brawler, that's my movie called Ferris Brawler. Not bad. Shot for shot. Like a John Williams movie.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. just jumped it. Oh my God, he just punched somebody in the face and ran to the next place. Oh my God. Ferris Brawler, that's my movie called Ferris Brawler. Not bad.

Shop for Shop Ferris Bueller. Like a John Wick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ferris Brawler. It's Ferris Bueller, but like. He just punches everyone along the way. He went on that float and just punched every single person in Chicago.

He punches Jennifer Grey right in the nose and that's why she gets the nose job. So mean. She's a huge fan of the show and you just lost her. What? Oh no, Jennifer, I love you. No, it's too late, you lost her. And her father, Joel Gray, was an even bigger fan. I love you even more.

Cabaret? Life is a cab-a-ray. Hey, excuse me, waiter, what type of wines do you have today? Life is a cab-a-ray. I know the life is doesn't really work, but it's a cabernet. Yeah, that's what I was going for.

Yeah. I'm happy you knew. By the way, I think we've been doing this wine is a cabernet. Is that better? Yeah, yeah, anything that works great. What are you drinking by the way? It's emergency because it gives me a little vitamin C,

but also it gives you a supposedly little boost. Little boost kid, a little. I got four hours of sleep last night. Why are you tapping the nose? Me? Yeah. When you say little boost. A little boost.

A little hubba, hubba. A little ring, ring, ring, ring. Whoa, what was that? A little train going by? Doppler effect. Do you know what that was named after, by the way? There's a guy named Doppler. I think it was Jeffrey Doppler.

Yeah, Jeffrey Doppler. He would murder people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every time he murdered somebody, he'd go, I killed you, killed you, killed you, killed I think it was it was Jeffrey Doppler. Yeah, Jeffrey Doppler. He would murder people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every time we murdered somebody, go, I killed you, killed you, killed you, killed you, killed you, killed you.

You know this voice, you know what it means when he is on. That's right, Ben Schwartz is here, the dynamite Mr. S. No, it's called the elegant Mr. S. I'm sorry, Benny Schwa, of course. We're here, we're outside and it's gorgeous. So if there's any like, if we hear a plane,

I think we should pretend that's part of the scene of whatever we're doing. Whatever we're doing, of course. If you hear like a trolley or a train, I don't know what's an area or place. Ding, ding, ding, ding. There it is. Oh, I gotta get the trolley.

I gotta catch the trolley. Hey, me, Jeffrey Doppler. We haven't done one of these in years. I think the last one might've been in Sonic-O-Lo. So that could be two years ago. Could be, two years ago. It could be two years ago. And we haven't even seen each other in person for those two years.

Yeah, we refuse to see each other. Even though we've done other podcasts since then, we do not look at each other in the face. We never look at each other. But now it is all eye contact all the time. And I love it. Scott can't do it. He gets uncomfortable.

He looks down. I'm looking away. I'm looking right through. I'm also trying to remember what I'm trying to say, which is like, I'm- It's been a while. It has been a while it has been a while

You can't even help yourself But you know what it means when it's just the two of us and this year because it's coming out right before the Very very spookiest day of the year. It is the spookiest season. Name a spookier day. Okay January 3rd because that's the day that a lot of my friends passed away. Yeah, okay, yeah. I'll give you that. That's okay. Oh god, who passed away? I don't want to talk about it.

This guy, Jeffrey Doppler. Oh no, he was a friend of yours? Well, friend. Oh, he's the guy who killed all the people. You know that show Friends? Sort of. It's about Jeffrey Doppler. It's about Jeffrey Doppler?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're on a break when he broke that person in half and killed them. Oh, I understand. Any one of those things. When he got the Rachel cuts. Smelly cat was like when he killed that cat and it smelled all the time. Oh, yeah, yeah, we're on a break when he broke that person in half and oh, I understand any one of those things He got the Rachel cut when he killed that cat and smelled all the time Yeah, he cut someone in the in the shape of a Rachel hair. You know exactly what's going on I understand yes, but you know what it means is that your new catchphrase. I understand. Yes. I understand. Yes Put it on a shirt put it on a shirt. You are begging for a shirt running through my head

You want a shirt so bad bad I don't we have that we have a salad that was dynamite dynamite I love how much is dynamite now we get on the microphone to use the word gangbusters it was gangbusters it truly was but unfortunately nothing since then has come up in our conference since then has come up in our converse. Nothing since then, come love. What is that, Nothing Compares to You? Yep. I wondered why you started crying right into the camera. I wonder why I ripped this picture of the pope right in half.

Very timely though with what's going on in the church. She was ahead of her time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she sure was. She really was. Ahead of her time. Because of her shaved head? Yeah. A shaved head of her time. She's a, I'll put on a. A head of her time. Ah, because of her shaved head? Yeah. A shaved head of her time.

She's a, put on a shirt. This is a shirt! Nothing compares. Picture of Sinead O'Connor crying, staring right, right ahead. A shaved head of her time. And it just says, and it's Dunkerque-ter style

where her head is bigger than her body and then her little tiny body. Did you say Dunkirk style? Dunkirk style, yes. Okay, got it. Where it's like three different time periods. And Hans Zimmer's like, it's happening, it's,

it's like, it's like a little bit shaky, but you hear me fine, right? Yeah, I hear you fine. What do you mean it's shaky? Sometimes I'll talk too loud and I'll be like, Oh, the rumbling.

I wonder if I'm too, I wonder if I'm talking too loud. DBs, do you want me to turn you down in your phones? No, I'm happy. As long as you're getting what you need, I'm happy. Oh, I'm getting exactly what I need. And you know why that is, because when this person is on- Oh yeah, tell them who it is.

You haven't even told them who it is. I did say the elegant Mr. S. Yeah, well, do you want me to do some of my voiceover characters? Yeah, I love that, yeah. So name one of my famous voiceover characters. Not a fan, don't know. Okay, just name one.

I've done quite a few so to say. I'm presuming a guy named Chris. No, I've never played a guy named Chris voiceover so I'll give you a TV show maybe you remember so I was in DuckTales you played the trash collector who takes not shit there is no trash collector and of course and people laugh at how smelly he is no there wouldn't be a trash collector who collect you know of course that is not what it is okay I'm sorry sorry. Give me a bigger one. You do a whole show on this I was a character in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Whoa, you and Sean have done many episodes talking about this, correct?

Okay, so you must I remember you say it there's four main characters fine, but it's not splinter. It's not splinter Okay, the forming got it. You're the guy jerking off in the corner. Which turtles are you watching? Finish a sentence you're going over the corner that what off in the corner. Which turtles are you watching? Finish a sentence. Jerking off in the corner of that what? Go. That the turtles laugh at because he's got such a small penis. In the children's cartoon. I remember this. Yes.

You're wrong. What do you play in the turtles? Leonardo. Which one is that? Hey, we don't have time to get into it. The blue one. What are you talking about? He wears blue.

All my characters are blue. Purple, maybe. But you know him. When he comes on this show, it is just, it is combustible, mister. Because he comes on and we do a thing and we've done them over the years. We've done the Solo Bolo. Okay.

Solo Bolo-dolo. Solo Bolo-trolo. Solo Bolo-quatrolo. Solo Bolo Qua Troll-o, Solo Bolo Synch-olo, Solo Bolo Sonic-olo? And now- What is this one called? Because it is- Spooky. Before one of the spookiest days of the year.

I defy you to name any other day that is a spookier day. September 3rd. Yeah. The ghosts come up that day and eat breakfast with all of us. Okay. It's spooky, dude. Wait, they eat breakfast with you? Yeah, so I have a bunch of ghosts that live near my house

and they come up every September 3rd. What do they eat, French ghost? I'm sorry, was that, you're really upset. It's just really inappropriate. I apologize. It's just really funny. I apologize. It's too late to apologize. You can't, the problem with you is you make a mistake knowing it's a mistake

and thinking you can say you're sorry and it's over. No, I genuinely do apologize. Why, why? So just tell me what they eat and don't make a stupid fucking ghost pun out of it that they're not going to hate. So what do they eat? It's not scrambled. I mean, it's not French.

It's not scrambled? It's not scrambled. Okay. It's not French and it's not scrambled. Yes. Okay. So what breakfast do they eat? That is really narrowing down my choices here Yeah, what do you think it could be?

Cereal. Yeah, we eat cereal. Really? Yeah, it's cereal with oatly and some of that boo berry stuff. Oh, boo berry. Okay, so it is ghost themed. I guess. Well, by the way, the way that it's ghost themed is

we eat it while we make pottery together. Oh, okay, I understand. Do you think people, listeners will know that ghost reference or no? I imagine that tomorrow on Scott Hasn't Seen, I'll understand that reference after tomorrow's episode. You've never seen ghost? I've never seen ghost, but by tomorrow I will.

I love that sentence. Is that your new catchphrase? Yeah, that's it, put that on a shirt. Can you lower me? I don't like, can I lower you? I will lower you. You're so loud. And let me tell you why. I can't lower me, but I can lower both of us in your phones. There you go. It's don't like, can I lower you? I will lower you. You're so loud. And let me tell you why.

I can't lower me, but I can lower both of us in your phones. There you go. It's not gonna happen. No matter what you sound like. No problem, no problem. What do you think, what character, if you just heard your own voice,

what cartoon character would you be? I, you know what, I would probably have to be the lead in anything because I- No, I'm saying what character, not like are you the lead, I'm saying like, are you a lion? When you hear your voice, what do you think? In a movie about lions, I would be the headline.

Right, I'm not talking about are you the lead. Okay, pretend everybody's got this, everybody you a lion? When you hear your voice, what do you think? In a movie about lions, that would be the headline. Right, I'm not talking about are you the lead. Okay, pretend everybody's got this, everybody's a lead. And you're- How does that work? And you're whole, everybody's a lead, it's an ensemble. I wouldn't do a movie like that. Why? Because you're not the lead? No, because I'm the lead, yeah.

This is stupid. Basically what I'm saying is what animal do you think you are? What animal am I? Yes. What kind of question is that? I'm not an animal, I'm a human-ass being. Okay, it doesn't make it, I don't know why I'm not an animal, I'm a human-ass bean. Okay, it doesn't make it.

I don't know why I start with you. This doesn't make any sense to me. I'm a human, why would I want to be an animal? Are you a human-ass bean? Is that the type of bean? I'm a human-ass bean. Like a lima bean, you're a human-ass bean? I'm a human-ass bean.

Please stick me in your asses? God, what's wrong with you today? I don't know, but I will say that anytime he's on the show, we do this solo bolo. Oh, I love it. And this is the spookiest solo bolo. Oh, I love it. And this is the spookiest solo bolo.

What's it gonna be called? Solo bolo, hallowolo. Oh, big reveal. Huge reveal. For a tiny firework. Big fuse, big fuse, little firework. This is like when all those fireworks went off at once at that one show, by mistake.

Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. You do know what I'm talking about. I do. And that's why you're here. We're in each other's heads. We know each other well. We truly are. Let's close your R, ready?

Okay, close my Rs. We're only allowed to think of, we have to say one number, one through 100. One through 100, yep, got it. Ready? One, two, three, four. 57. Oh my God, I even put up four.

I put up the number four before I actually. I'm not looking I'm looking in your eyes baby. Okay let's do it again ready? Okay. One two three sixty two. Both are different ones. I'm doing 57. You know you wanna. You know you gotta. Everybody wants it. We do a lot of singing on the show for those of you who have never heard a solo Ebola before and why would you have?

That's coming up a little later in the show, the Olympic song challenge. For those who don't know what it is, it's basically, it's kind of an improv exercise where when someone sings a song, the other person has to go off of what that makes them think of and you just can't stop. You can't stop until finally it reaches whatever conclusion it reaches.

You said it's a lot like orgasming. I didn't understand why. I don't remember saying that. Yeah, you said it's like an orgasm where you're going until it reaches a climax. Was that because I had my first orgasm right after we did- Tell everybody about it. Tell everybody about it. We did the show. We did the very first solo bolo. And I had orgasmed like 60 seconds before we started rolling. Yeah, what was that?

Was that part of your thing? No, I had never done it before. Oh, wow. I didn't even realize I was doing it. So you didn't know what it was? No, I didn't even know what it was. I was like, this is sticky, it's gross, it's wet. It's making everyone around me uncomfortable.

Very uncomfortable, yeah. Why was your dick out to begin with though? Well, yeah. If everybody could see it. I mean, that's just something that happens in meetings, you know. I mean this is pre-Weinstein when you could do stuff like that. I wonder how much this would be deleted. Any of it? I don't know. We'll find out. But it was incredible.

What is that? Do you hear that? This is my favorite thing. Anytime we hear a sound, we have to incorporate it in whatever we're talking about. Did you hear that? Scott? Do you hear that? What is that a fucking Raptor? Yeah, I don't think it's a Raptor. I think it might be a Vampire what it's the spookiest month. Can I tell you something? Yeah, do you love Halloween? I love Halloween. Do you get dressed up? Uh, What do you mean like as opposed to being naked you gotta help me you gotta help me when I ask you a question that you know the answer to, you gotta give me an answer. You gotta help me. I don't know. I'm stranded on a goddamn island.

What do I do? Do you put on a costume for Halloween? Like socks? No. Scott, unless is that the costume that you're a pair of socks? I am a pair of socks? No. How would that work? I don't know what happened before. So in Halloween people... Shoes? Underwear? What? Are you talking about what you put on normally? No, I'm just saying things. No, okay. It doesn't matter Are you almost took your headphones off? Hey all these flies are coming lately these are white there's like white little white little tiny are outside Yeah, there are white little tiny guys. Yeah, but they're usually it just started like the past couple days I don't know where they're I believe I read some sort of article about them about how they're they

They're murderous flies. I just invented a new game. Okay. Give me a movie quote that I might not, a real movie quote that I might not know, and I have to tell you what movie it's from. Okay. Okay? But you have to think of it in three, two, one.

We need a slightly bigger boat. Oh, that's the porno off of Jaws called Jews, and it's basically a bunch of Jews having sex with a- Right, you star in that, right? Yeah, it's me porno off of Jaws called Jews, and it's basically a bunch of Jews having sex with a... Right, and you star in that, right? Yeah, it's me. You and Gil? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I take me and Gil, just me and Gilado's airy. It starts off like, you know, we're in the water and then a big everything bagel is coming after us. Jews on the salmon is trying to eat us. Jews for the revenge? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. It's great. Okay, I'll give you one

Okay, give me one Rhodes Where we're going we don't Rhodes Rhodes scholar, that's right. It's that 80s teen sex romp. Yep, Joey pet Joe Pesci is all the roles Joe Pesci and no professor for Joe Pesci. Yeah, Joe Yeah, we need the Joes. We need the Joes. Remember G.I. Joe, a real American hero?

He truly, he really was a real American hero. For a fake guy, he was real. What happened to America? Well, a little something called cancel culture got a hold of it. Oh no, Scott. Oh yeah, I'm pivoting. Scott, Jesus. What is your favorite movie of all time? Back to the Future is my favorite movie of all time.

Probably my favorite movie. It is the best movie, I think. I said that to, there was a girl I went out on a date with when I was 19. Ooh, recently? This cool-out photo? No, she's fine with it. Oh, cool, what was the girl that you dated named? Can I guess? Yeah.

Sandra Bullock. How did you know that I'm dating Sandra Bullock? Dude, do you remember Speed 2 now it's on a boat? Yeah, sort Yeah. Uh Sandra Bullock. How did you know that? Oh I fucking knew it. Dude do you remember speed two now it's on a boat? Yeah sort of. Yeah all right. Okay so you're dating someone. What else could be on a boat? Oh what else could be on a boat? This is great a smaller boat. You go. Uh even smaller boat than that. Okay yeah let's think outside of that. Like a real tiny boat. You go. Like Ant-Man sized miniscule boat. Yeah, okay, and then a molecule What else could borat own he owns a wife what else could you go my bow this is how we do a sequel Can you do a great borat the best way here, please my wife Can I hear it please? My wife? Oh. But no, I'm dating this girl. You were dating this girl back in the day.

And her mom comes up and is like trying to get a real sense of me. And she's like, what's your favorite movie of all time? And I said, back to the future. And she goes, no, I'm talking like serious films. And what'd you say? Did you have to pivot and think of someone great? And I was like, the Godfather? And she goes, yes.

Did you have a big relationship with that mom in the end? It sounds like you really hit it off with the mom. I mean, she and I were very similar, it seems like. It sounds like you guys are really close. No, but I do, her ex-boyfriend started pounding the door down trying to get back in touch with her. He was like an abusive ex-boyfriend. Oh my God. Who was in the Navy or something like that. Is this a real story? This is a real story and he started like pounding on the door going, open up, open up.

And we had to call the police and the police came and all. Are you for real? I'm for total real at this point. Did you like talk to him through the door and be like, get out of here, dude? I was, I just- He must have been mortified. I had no idea who he was or like, I barely knew her.

So it was like, it was a weird situation to be in. Unbelievable. Have you ever had the police called on you? No, never had the police call on me one time when I was so we were in high school or yeah uh high school I was in I moved from the North Bronx to Westchester. This is like the uh the many saints of Newark here where I'm getting a glimpse into the young Ben Schwartz. I almost said the many witches of Eastwick. Yeah well by the way the way, it's very similar to that too. It's a lot like Hocus Pocus if you think about it. In my opinion, not enough witches in Eastwick.

Yeah, by the way, why would we make a TV show? There's a couple. So just say the witches, say the three witches in Eastwick. Let's crank it up a notch. What do you say to that? Yeah, man. Four. Yeah, aliens, it has a whole bunch of aliens in it. Four witches though, that's a good number.

Then just say, just say four. Any more than four though, it's too hard to keep track of. I think that's a great teacher. I would even cut one out of the four. So you have three. Yeah. So we're back to what they are? Yeah.

Okay, I was in high school and we would have keggers at the elementary school. Oh, Ben, no. Listen, I never was on the board. Ben, no. I know. You would pass out beer to the elementary school students? No. This is during the day?

No, no, no, no, sorry, you didn't understand. So on the weekend when nobody was there, the high schoolers would come in, someone would buy a keg, and then they would charge you five bucks for a red cup, and that's how they made their money back. Oh my god. How many red cups would you buy? No, you just buy one and you keep refilling it. I'd buy like-

You know, you could- Three, because I would have three beers. So no, you could drink three beers out of the same red cup. This is insane. You can't drink three beers at the same time. You turned into Homer Simpson from the last time that I talked to you. All right, so we'd go there, and then what would happen inevitably

is the cops would be called, and then we would all run away and scarred because we think we'd be in jail forever. Did you have an escape route planned when you got there, of like, I'm going over this fence? I am a little bit neurotic and anxious, but I didn't, but I will say I was doing cross country at the time. And the funny story was I took cross country to try to get faster when I played basketball.

And I learned that cross country doesn't give you quick speed. It just makes you endurance. Yeah. So like I was still the slowest person up and down the court. I could just go up and down the court longer. But it was a skill, I guess. You last all what are they quarters periods? Don't you know what it is?

Exclamation points. You and I should go to a basketball game We really should we should you hate it or no. No, I've been do you like any sports to yeah We name a sport name a sport. I don't think you know any sports Ball stick ball stick don't want baseball. That's the one. Yeah The sticks there's a bat. I will say basketball and then you stop I Will say basketball. I will say basketball. Anyway, you mentioned it. Yep. Here's a quiz for you. Oh go do it I love it. I love it. Come on

Can you name a more orange ball than that big orange ball that they use in basketball? in basketball? I guess what does highlight use? Is it orange or no? It might be. I don't know. Can you name anything more spherical than that ball? Yeah of course any ball. It's isn't just any ball? Equally as spherical maybe but more spherical? It would be hard to be. Well I guess there's indents in it. I guess if we picked a bowling ball there's no indents in it. Well I guess you're right. Okay it's a bowling ball. So those could be orange too. I took cross country and then the cops came and me and my friend Rob Kim ran away from the cops. The best. I would do two first names. Interesting.

Oh, Rob Kim. I didn't even think about that. Yeah. I mean, his career name is Kim Ki-Hong. It wasn't. Oh, okay. So Rob Kim was his name that we all. Yes. And so. The name you agreed on. The name that he presented to everybody. When he wanted to be called Kim Koon. No, that, I mean, I'm probably even, I don't know. Now we're making him feel terrible and he's a great guy. So we're going down, he's one of my closest friends in the universe and we're, it's one of my favorite, I mean, when you hear the end of the story, he's fine,

but so we're running and we are ahead of the pack. Cause everybody's like drinking and out of shape. And we are- You're cross country superstars. We have been running cross country and we were at the front of the pack and we were always last in the races and we were front and we were laughing and smiling.

And then there's a little fence. And then I, because I was afraid I wasn't gonna be able to jump over the fence. I was going around the fence and he goes I'm jumping over it and so he puts his hand on it and he pulls himself up and there's a fucking tree on the other side and it was the most Mr. Bean like he jumped and went whee and then hit the ground and I had to come around and make sure he was okay and did the police catch you because well he's still in jail.

Oh no. The tree got him and... Did Kim Kardashian try to petition Donald Trump to get him out? Yes, and they wouldn't let him out. No! Because he was a minor. He dug coal? Yeah.

Oh no! Yeah, so he had that little hat on and... No! So they like... and min miners really get it hard in jail I had no idea because they're always trying to dig out and now they can't like a Shawshank kind of thing Oh my favorite lines up from Shawshank Redemption. My favorite lines is say Bata tails. Here's mine go Bro, I've just been Shawshanked Who says that I think it was Morgan Freebird.

Yeah, that's good. Morgan Freebird, great voice. Do you think that he, when he comes on stage, she makes a lot of public appearances as we all know. When he comes on stage, there are people calling out, play Freeman at him. Oh, that's funny. I like that's funny.

Or do the penguins. Do the penguins. Or do the penguins. Do the penguins. Talk about the penguins. Cause I'm free, Morgan Freeman. Free, Freeman and I'm Morgan Freeman. And I'm free, Freeman. Favorite Morgan Freeman, I'm gonna say Roll. Go.

His answering machine. Have you heard it? No, what's it like? Please do an impression. He doesn't use his voice for the Morgan Freeman. So he got Bobcat Goldthwaite, hey guys, it's me, Morgan Freeman, leave a message. Incredible, how did he get Bobcat?

I don't know. I don't know. I guess, I don't know, or maybe they're just friends. Favor? Bobcat was enormous, Police Academy for me was huge. Was Morgan Freeman in the Police Academy movies? No, sorry, Bobcat Goldthwaite was. Oh. Are we doing it with no commercials? I love that idea. No, sorry Bobcat Goldthwaite was. Oh!

Are we doing it with no commercials? I love that idea. No, why do you think we should have taken a commercial at this point? No, I just feel like we've been talking for... I guarantee if you look at the thing we've been talking for 35 minutes. 20 minutes. Oh my god. Is it so exhausting talking to me that you can only... Not exhausting talking to you. Exhausting because we go 100 miles per hour. We did so many drugs before this. I popped an emergency.

Oh my god. Shoot, shoot, shoot, all the way down. All the way down the gullet. What's the drug you've done the most? What's the drug you've done the most recently? You want me to be real? I'll be real. I've never done drugs in my life. Any drug?

I've never smoked weed. I've never done any, oh, and I mean like- Not even the ganja? Sorry? Oh my God. Your fucking Jamaican neighbor is here and he is pissed. Oh shit. Say something to him. Excuse me, Maan! No, don't do here and he is pissed. Oh shit. Say something to him.

Excuse me mon! No, don't do it. That's him. Oh shit, sorry. Sir, I'm so sorry. Scott, say something. Excuse me mon, I'm insulted mon. Say something Scott.

I'm so sorry, I just, I didn't know what I... I think you're digging yourself deeper in this problem. I just didn't even know what I was doing. You don't talk like that. Don't talk like that to him. I had no idea. I'm sorry sir, he's being terrible and I'm sorry that he made you sound like that. Have a good day sir.

No problem mon! Okay. Wow. Great guy. He's being terrible. And I'm sorry that he made you sound like that. Have a good day, sir. No problem, mon. OK. Wow. Great guy. I bet he is. Great guy. So handsome, too. Well, I don't want to know his name. I was going to ask what his name was, but I'm afraid that the answer is unless it's like Jeff or John. I think it's Adrian Brody. It was worth it. Oh, sometimes I throw the ball out and I'm like, you can't hit this. It's a fucking spitball.

Yeah. Then you knock it out of the park. And I knock that spitty, spitty ball. Are you exhausted after you do episodes? Cause sometimes after a solo bolo, I am exhausted. Yeah, I usually have to turn all the lights down, just hop into the bunk beds. Do you use the com app? Say cool up, I'm going away for a while.

And then? Do I use the what? The com app, do you use anything to go to sleep? Cool up. The cool up app. What's a com app, what is that? It's like a thing that can play like rain or. The Coolop app? What's a com app? What is that? It's like a thing that can play like Rain or...

Oh, I do. I have a machine that does it. It's like a big giant computer. Like you ever see... What's that movie about the NASA astronauts? NASA. NASA. The NASA astronauts who are...

Who have the women who are... Oh, Dear Evan Hansen. Dear Evan Hansen, yeah. Where they do all the calculations and it sends them up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he like breaks his arm. Yeah, I have one of those big computers in my room that plays, all it does is play, it kind of plays rain sometimes and then it goes, excuse me, and then it like starts over after

a little bit. Oh, that's interesting. So it's a guy doing the rain, a sound effect. Yeah, it's not like an actual, they didn't get tape recordings of rain because they didn't know when it was going to rain. I'm sorry, I don't mean to dumb down the podcast. I'm trying my fucking best, but I get it Yeah, so you do is it rain or what is it the bus basically it sounds a little like rain. So it's like Excuse me

Is it James L Jones? I think it might be holy shit. It's at least Darth Vader How many people like this when we do this? I don't know Can we do it? Can we do a, is there a forum or something people can answer this? A forum that people can fill out? Forum, like a, I think next time one of these comes out, we should do a poll to see how many people like this. You want me to do a poll?

You want me to really do a poll to see like, should Ben ever be on the show again? Because we did that with Harris and it did not work out in his favor. No, let's not do that. Let's not do that. I'm not saying that's why he ended up not on the show anymore. Jesus, it sounds like it is, which is terrible.

But it did, no, the, did he just squeak by? I can't remember. I bet he did great. He did great. He's the funniest person in the world. Yes, that's right, yes. But Ben, you're still with us and... Terrible transition.

What if this were your last podcast ever? How do you wanna go out? I wanna tell everybody, I wanna say thank you very much to everybody. Yeah. Thank you for the support. Thank you for the support. I wanna say, what a dream that I get to make people laugh

for a living, Scott. For a living too, really. So you don't have like a gig on the side that you make your real money or? Are you talking about podcasts? Or no, I'm talking about like I act in some stuff and write some stuff. No, I know you do that, but-

Name a TV show. But you've never made people laugh during those things. Oh, I'm sorry. Ever? I don't think so. But you've never seen an episode. What's the show that's in with Don Cheadle? The Cheed Man.

No, no. It's called- Cheed Fried. House- Cheed Fried and Roy. No. House- House of- Tartanian. No, House. House of. Tartanian.

No, it's not House of Tartanian. You don't know, I have no idea. House of Lies. Pies of House. No, nobody said pies. And also, you saying House of Pies ruined it for me for years. I'm so sorry.

We don't want anyone to bring that back. Ugh, you're the worst. We don't want anyone to, I mean. Well, the show's not on. House of Lies. We don't want anyone to say it to you and we never want to bring back House of Lies as well. Well, that's mean also.

I mean, there's some great, I mean, that cast is amazing. It's Don Cheadle, Kristen Bell, me, Josh Lawson. Give me a break, give me a break, give me a break. Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar. And by the way, there is no better time to take a break than when we're singing, give me a break. Wait, before, wait, right after this, this is what I wanna do.

Every time we say, so it goes, give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar. And the next one's like, give me a do. I want every time we say, so it goes, give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that KitKat bar. And then the next one's like, give me a break. I want every time we do it to be more excited and happy every time we do that exact one. So let's go three. You gotta start at a bass level.

Yeah, exactly. Okay. Okay, ready? Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that KitKat bar. Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that KitKat bar. Give me a break! Give me a break, break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar. Give me a break! Give me a break!

Give me a break! Give me a break! Give me a break! Give me a break! Give me a break! Give me a break! Give me a break! Give me a break!

Give me a break! Give me a break! Give me a break! Give me a break! Give me a break! Give me a break! Give me a break! Give me a break!

Give me a break! Give me a break! Give me a break! Give me a break! Give me a break! Give me a break! Give me a break! coming back from break coming back from break coming back from break on bang bang now coming back from break coming back from break coming back from break on bang bang now well only two yeah you started at such a high level that I don't think that a lot of people say I come at a high level you really do hey welcome back this is solo bolo Solo Bolo Hallowolo. And of course. Solo Bolo Hallowolo, creepy crawly things. Let's talk about the creepiest, crawliest

experiences of your life. Have you ever been in there and had like creepies and crawlies? Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. You know, one time I ate, you ever eat one of those creepy,

oh, remember that, by the way, do you remember this? Cause I used to sing it all the time and nobody got this reference. That commercial for creepy crawlers. No, what were they? Really? Are they like gummy worms? I forget, I think.

You forget, then how effective was this advertisement? You don't even know what it is. I'll bring it up. All right, find it on your phone. Find it on your phone. Find it on your phone and find it now. Okay, find it on your phone and find it now. Okay this is it, Creepy Crawler song, you ready? Let's see if I remember.

Now Ben of course is the person who found the hamburgers that talk McDonald's. And it was real. And it was real. And it was so- We thought it was a fever dream of yours. So many people were upset and say this isn't a real thing. And I'm like I'm telling you, Hamburgers that talk. And someone found it.

Of course I don't have evidence of it, but someone sent it to us. Oh, someone did find it, right? Yeah, Hamburgers that talk. How did that go again? How did it, um, um. Do you believe in magic? And Hamburgers that talk.

Chicken McNuggets you can take for a walk in magic. And only Ronald can do. Come this way and I'll eat you, child. What? I didn't... I don't think we ever went past hamburgers that talk. Oh yeah, it goes, it goes, um, Do you believe in magic?

Hamburgers that talk. Chicken McNuggets you can take for a walk in magic. Like only Ronald can do. You, I watch you when you take a bath, little boy. Okay, I do not remember that last part. Really? Did you ever go to McDonald's? The McDonald's I went to had that guy

that always watched you take a bath. What, a bath? Do you believe in magic? Hamburgers at talk. Chicken McNuggets you can take for a walk. And magic like only Ronald can do Look at me, look at me in your closet This is a grown man

Don't tell your daddy, don't tell your mommy It's time for us to play a game Do you like Parcheesy? Oh, nothing weird, just a game of parcheesy with me. Oh, you don't know how to play? Come here, little boy. Yes, I do remember that. Now they use that.

Okay, here's Scooby-Doo. Jesus Christ. Oh my god, this is a cartoon show. This isn't it. this is a cartoon show. Don't, this isn't it. What? This is a toy commercial. You gotta vet your clips, bro. Well, listen, we got five seconds of this to be a spiral actor.

It goes, I thought it went, creepy crawlers. Creepy crawlers. Pretty close. Green and gloomy and purple and green. The grossest little creatures that you've ever seen. Here it comes, here it comes. Creepy crawlers.

See? I bet when you were a kid, like, there would have been nothing cooler to you than to be the guy who said, creepy crawlers. Creepy crawlers. What's your favorite commercial growing up? Commercial? Probably the one about 2.9% financing.

That's so boring. What? That's so boring. But that's low. you buy net. That's so boring. What? That's so boring. But that's low. Remember Crossfire? That's low financing. You get caught up in it. Crossfire, Crossfire.

Wait, Crossfire the TV show? No, it was, no. Who was that, Hugh Downs? Not Crossballs, the Matt Besser show. Crossfire was a game that you play, you shoot little silver little marbles at each other. Oh, sounds cool. Yeah, man.

Thanks. Yeah. I didn't invent it or anything. I didn't, I also, we never bought it. Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't allowed to get a lot of toys cause we couldn't buy all the toys. How many toys did you own? Two toys.

I had a knife. Do you always burp when I mention toys? I had a knife. Oh, that was one of my toys. You had a knife. That's a toy? And a piece of bread. But we always-

This just sounds like dinner to me. Yeah, and then we would put butter on the knife and put it on the bread and then we'd eat. Okay, so the butter is the dinner. Well, that's a game. That's a game. Oh, okay. That's the game.

The toys are the knife and the bread, but the game is- Right, the game is the butter, yeah. Yeah. Okay, got it, yeah. Do you want to know the game, kid? Come here, I want to talk to you for a second. Come here, I want to tell you one other game. Is this the McDonald's commercial again?

Yeah. We gotta talk about... Tell me something that scarred you recently. Something that scarred you. Scarred me in terms of... I will... I mean, I do have something that I that I saw that was very emotionally distressing. Okay, are you willing to share it or now is not the time? I can share it. Is this an exclusive? Should I do the exclusive sound?

Sure, yeah. I've never talked about this before. Come on! Here it comes, a brand new skloos! Okay, I don't know if that really fits in with the actual story. Hey, hey! Do you like fun? Do you like cool things? Here comes a brand new skloos! This is a sad story, I don't know... Well, come on! Oh, baby! Take out the tambourine and bring out the pom-poms, a brand new skloos! That actually works. Okay, let's go.

So, I mean, this is right before Halloween. Is this true for real? and bring out the pom poms, a grand newscooze. That actually works. Okay, let's go. Okay. So, I mean, this is, it's right before Halloween. Is this true for real? This is a very true story. Oh, maybe we shouldn't do it. I wanna bring down the room. No, but I, you know, what's scarier at Halloween,

but a black cat. Oh, okay. And I was in traffic the other day and on Santa Monica Boulevard at seven in the morning, I think. Where were you going? I was going to an appointment that I had and- I need to know exactly where you were going

or the story doesn't make sense. I was getting blood drawn for physical. Another very spooky thing is blood. At this time of year. Creepy crawlers. So already we have two spooky things. Oh my God. The black cat and blood.

Well, you haven't introduced the black cat yet. I'm sitting in traffic and it's not bad traffic. It's good traffic. But in the sense of like my side of the street is, you know, we're all stopped for a red light and the other side of the street, there's nothing, there's no traffic. And I see this black cat run,

like sort of tentatively come out to the street to try to get across the street. I'm like, oh no. And a car's coming right for it and it ducks back sees the car ducks back I'm like okay please just stay where you're at just stay where you're at it doesn't it comes back out oh do you hit it I didn't know who hit it someone coming the other way and you saw it perish? Yes. And I was just like going, no, I was like sobbing in traffic. Oh my God. To see that happen right in front of you. That's terrible. Anyway, so that scarred me. Yes. What a great question. Thank you so much. That was a scaloosey,

baby. Okay, come on. Tell me about your Halloween escapades as children. Ugh, my dad didn't like Halloween. What? He grew up in the South Bronx and we were in the North Bronx, which was, you know, very... It would not have been a problem for us to... So different. Yeah, it would, totally. It would have been a problem for us to go around. And by the way, where he was from, it wasn't a problem to go around, but he was very protective

of us. He never really wanted us to go trick-or-treating by ourselves. And so... Because of, like, all the dangerous New York assholes or what? Yeah, but also, like, we were... Hey, I'm trick-or-treating over here. Trick-or-treating by ourselves. And so- Because of like all the dangerous New York assholes or what? Yeah, but also like we're- Hey, I'm trick-or-treating over here. Trick-or-tweet. Hey, get out of here with your forking candy.

No, you give me candy. Get the forking, I don't want any forking candy. No, trick-or-treating means you give me candy. Get the forking out of here. So now your dad didn't want you because he thought it was unsafe. He hates Halloween, my mom loves Halloween. My mom's the best.

Joan Foreman Schwartz, her birthday was, when does this come out? Oh, it'd probably be two weeks ago. It was on the 25th. Great. Wait, really? The 25th. Of October.

Yesterday. Really? Wow, okay. Or not yesterday, whenever this comes out. Well, this is coming out in a couple of days. Yeah, so yeah, just a couple of days ago. Happy birthday to her. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

Her name is Joan. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Joan. Her name is Joan, give it from the top. Happy birthday dear Joan. Just say Joan. Happy birthday dear Joan. Come on. Happy birthday dear Joan. Happy birthday to you.

How old of a woman is Joan? I love you mommy. She's gotta be 70 plus by now, right? She seems like you would know. A woman like that gotta be 70 plus at this point. What do you get a parent for their birthday? Nothing now. At all? Yeah.

You're so rich and they have nothing. You're so rich and they have nothing. You're so rich and they have nothing, you don't get them anything? What do you mean? Your parents are dirt poor. We're going giftless these days. Why? Because who needs to accumulate more things? Your parents.

Oh, that's right, they want them. I'm the one who insists on going giftless. You have so much money, you don't need things. They need things. No, they don't need anything. Do your parents have a place to stay? No. What do you mean, stay? Like, What do you mean stay? Like live.

Like stay, what you tell a dog? Like stay. No, not stay. I can't believe you keep getting confused with these very- Waaah! Sorry, who's this character? Waaah! Hello?

I'm a bird! Waaah! Sorry, you have a whole rodent in your mouth. I'm sorry, no, that's my neighbor's bird. Oh, that's your Jamaican neighbor's bird? Hey, get back here, mom! Oh no, you shouldn't be doing this anymore. Waaah! Don't you get shouldn't be doing this anymore. What?

Don't you get in trouble for doing stuff? No. Aren't you the closer of podcasts? What's that mean, the closer? The closer is Dave Chappelle's special that he got in trouble for. Oh, I have no idea. You don't know Dave Chappelle is? Now Ben is, he's now putting on a hoodie as if that will, by the way, a hoodie.

Hoodie. As if that will prevent me. On the Yom Kippur, we wear hoodies. Excuse me? What? What was that? I laughed. No, no, no.

No? Excuse me, sir? Hey, stop it. Don't laugh. You're being terrible. What? What do you mean, what? Don't.

You shouldn't be finding this so funny. How dare you? So you wouldn't! You shouldn't be finding this so funny. How dare you? So you wouldn't go out there trick or treating? You take the good, you take the bad, you take them all and they have the facts alive. The what, the what? The facts alive.

The what, the what? But then in the world of numbing tea, you'll be living up to your dreams. And everybody wants to know and now you got to know about you. Alan Thicke, RIP! So what would you do? You would just like, stay home? Oh no, we would, well it matters, when we were in the North Bronx we'd go to an apartment complex and go knock on the doors

each one. Okay and you trusted everyone at the apartment complex? Well oftentimes people wouldn't even open the door there's like a little bowl below. Yeah. But sometimes you would open it and that, but now when we moved to Westchester, I went like trick-or-treating a couple times. I wore a big cowboy hat one time, like a big, really. Were you a cowboy or were you like a Frankenstein who was pretending to be a guy? No, of course not. It was green and enormous. That was the comedy was it was so big. Do you know what I mean? I guess not. So that was your only part, like you were dressed as a normal child other than- Yeah, of course.

I was a child wearing a big hat. A child wearing a big hat. Name one of your fucking dingers. When you say dingers, I just want to clarify, you mean Halloween costumes? No, I want to know about one of your dingers. Take that, whatever you think that means. Tell me about your fucking dinger.

Let's see, I remember I was Batman one year. Stupid. I was a vampire one year. Yeah, bet you had like so much sun coming at you. Wish you had a big fucking hat on. I really wanted to be Luke Skywalker when Star Wars came out and we were like, well, I guess we could go get like a karate outfit.

Have you met Mark Hamill yet? I've never met Mark Hamill. Get him on the show, get him on the show. Love to have him on. Please, people out there. Who's your number one that you haven't gone? Mel Brooks? Oh boy, probably the cause. That's right.

He's back out, baby. You keep trying to get him on the show and he keeps saying no. He keeps saying no, I don't know why. No, you know, when we were doing the live show at UCB, I really wanted Chris Rock to do it at some point and he never could commit. Never responded. But Robin Williams did. Did he do the pods? He never did the pod, unfortunately. Never did the pod. There's a fun story. I'm going to tell you a real story. Okay. I was at UCB in New York and I had moved to LA and I'd just come back and I was doing Ask Kat. It was a long time ago. And I was going to tell you a real story. Okay. I was at UCB in New York and I had moved to LA and I just come back and I was doing Ascat.

It was a long time ago and I was going to be the improviser and then Robin Williams just showed up backstage in New York and he's like, can I perform? We were all like, Amy was there, all these people were there and we're like, yes, of course. Then Amy's like, can you do monologues instead? I go, yeah, whatever you, of course. So then the way that they introduce everything is they introduce all the improvisers,

then they introduce the monologists. The monologist is the last person. Yes, and so she introduced, because usually the special guest is never the improviser, it's just someone who's never improvised before. So they introduce the crowd and then she's like, one of my favorite parts about interning at UCB, this is a real story, is that whenever I knew someone cool

was gonna come on stage for Ask Cat, I would watch the audience watch them come out. It was like the coolest fucking thing. And then they'd be like, you know, Tina Fey or like, you know, someone huge. Tina Fey! That's great. And so, um, so she goes, she goes, you came here on a good night, guys. And then the audience, like, has no idea what's going on.

They go, ladies and gentlemen, Robin Williams. And the crowd goes fucking crazy. Like, and usually that's reserved for, like, the monolog... like when it's a cool monologist. And people are going crazy and they're standing up on their feet and Robin's doing bits of everything. Oh wait, so are you the monologist though? I'm backstage still.

Because you're the monologist and you're last. Yes, so I'm last. So I'm literally just waiting backstage and listening to my favorite part of the show which is people going crazy. And I'm like, oh my God. And they're on their feet and I'm watching through the crack in the thing.

They're on their feet, he's going to the right side, making them go out, going to the left side. It's like a whole five minute full-on. Robin, Robin. Everything is going crazy. And then they go. No one's better than you. Literally. And I was absolutely nobody. I don't even think I was on Parks yet. Maybe I was on Parks for a little bit, but she's like, and from the upright citizens brigade theater. What a credit. The one you happen to be in. Yes and she goes Ben Schwartz and I come out on stage and I didn't know what to do so I pretended like I was like fuck you get on your feet and everybody went with the bit like and it was great and everybody else like get up get up and then Robin was

laughing at it and it was a very fun moment but I remember like how disappointed are these people gonna be like how do you go from Rob Williams to anybody? So he was an improviser in this area. That's fun. He improvised something He did monologues for it. So like you guys switched off a little bit or that was great Yeah, I think I did one or two shows with him and he was the coolest thing about it was after the show He came up and he's like, thank you so much. I needed that. Thank you so much And I'd be like this is like a life story for us This is a career highlight for us and he's so kind and giving that he would be like, this is like a life story for us. This is a career highlight for us.

And he's so kind and giving that he would be like, thank you so much for letting me play. Like, are you kidding me? This is like, of course. No, he could have shoved his way around. I remember like, I have a few experiences like that. I did a few shows with him at the UCB over here and got to tell a story about how excited I was

for the, when I first saw him in the Happy Days episode where that was the Mork and Mindy sort of, what do you call it, backdoor pilot? And I was telling that story to my mom. I was breaking down, I used to do this annoying thing where I would tell every beat of every show that I ever saw to her as we were like going shopping or whatever. Wait, so let's say it's the Simpsons episode, you would literally take her where I would tell every beat of every show that I ever saw to her as we were like going shopping or whatever, because she hadn't seen it. So let's say it's a Simpsons episode, you would literally take her through

the entire Simpsons episode. So I basically like- And you won't buy this woman a present? No, fuck no, she doesn't need anything. So I just, while we were in a hardware store, I told the whole Mork and Mindy back door pilot to her on Happy Days and how the Fonz and he and all this kind of stuff.

And then someone, the woman at the register, I finished wrapped up the story and she goes, someone saw Happy Days last night. And so I told that to him and how embarrassed I was. Oh, that's amazing. And there's a funny picture of him with his hand on my knee during the show. Oh, I love it. I'm like, almost like, oh, he was thanking me for telling that story or whatever.

That's heaven. But so great. I remember in San Francisco, we did the match game every year and he was off to the side of the stage and I'm like, hey, do you wanna do the match game with us? I'll give up my seat or we can share. And he's like, no, no one wants to see me. I'm like yeah I think they would be fine with it. He's

like no, no I just I'm here because I'm a fan I want to watch. Oh that's amazing. He just watched the whole show and never like we you know because we didn't want to press. Yeah of course. You want to say like no people would love it but also you don't want to be like the guy if he truly is just there. When I was an intern, I won't call out who it was, but when I was an intern, I used to be, I was an intern for a very long time. I did the garbage there and recycling and I was a bartender and everything. But every...

You're the guy who jerked off and farted in the corner. I think I farted. Anytime I fart, I jerk off. Yeah. And the Ninja Turtles pointed at your tiny penis and they laughed at you. Yeah, I can't believe you were right. I was embarrassed to admit it. But someone who was like a great old time, an improviser, but hadn't performed in a year

or two was there and I was like You should get on stage. You should get a stage with them. He's like, I can't I don't want to anymore There's too much pressure. I can't do anymore. I was like, oh, that's interesting. I kind of get it I know some improvisers that don't do it anymore because it's like it's been so long and now there's like if you fuck up on stage like, you know, if you say the wrong thing then you know, so there's some people that don't do it anymore, but I remember being like oh really and then I was like scared I was like I wonder if that's gonna happen to me one time or if I take too long of a break I feel like it's too hard to get back on stage. I mean look we haven't done one of these in a

couple of years. Fixed like a glove. OJ's glove which did not fit. By the way didn't. But we have both been. Do you think that he did it? I find it so hard to believe. Run for 500 yards? Let me finish the thing. 500 and that was it? Yeah he only hit 500 on the, he hit a half century or half a plane. What if he only ran for 500 yards? Would people still think that he was good? That's it. It's like when a therapist hits 1 p.m. I'm done. Bye bye. No I'm in the middle of a story about how I don't give my mom presents. Bye bye I said. Bye bye. Oh this is my therapist. Hey I have someone to talk about. You have someone to talk about. I don't

thought you were going to play that character as a therapist. That bye bye. I am. Okay oh sorry so that person doesn't talk like the bye bye until the end I guess? What I just. Sorry. Yeah there's something. I'm a real human being. There's something. I'm having trouble going to sleep and um I'm not quite sure. Tell me about it. Well I don't know if it's my brain that's keep running. I don't know if it's the idea. What are you thinking about when you. I'm having trouble going to sleep and I'm not quite sure. Tell me about it. Well, I don't know if it's my brain that's keep running. I don't know if it's the idea. What are you thinking about when you? I'm thinking is it work? Is it some family stuff?

Is it something that's just like stuff I keep? What's going on with your family? Well, family seems. Maybe! It was worth it. It was worth it. That's why he talks normal. That's why I gotta tell you I love you little dick

Speaking of little dicks. Yeah, we unfortunately we have to take a break and one of our sponsors is a little dick. That's not true What does it sell? What's a little dick? Little sporting goods so miniature bats Miniature bats, miniature basketballs for the little dick inside of you What we're gonna hear from them. We'll be right back with- Wait, let's sing another break song. What's a song that has, we're breaking it. That Hamilton song, take a break.

I'm gonna go out there for the summer and go upstate. You remember that song? No. We'll be right back. And we're back with solo, bolo, hello, olo. Yeah. And we're back with Solo Bolo Hello-Olo. A very spooky Solo, a very spooky Bolo. Did we ever get to the end of your Halloween memories?

No, you- Your dad wouldn't let you do it and that was it? Yeah, that was kinda it. We don't really do Halloween. I mean, was it a Jewish thing where it's like you don't do Christmas? How fucking dare you? Dude, is there Jewish-

Is there like an equivalent, like a Hanukkah Halloween? Yeah, there's a Jewish Halloween. What is it? You don't do Christmas. How fucking dare you? Dude, is there Jewish, is there like an equivalent, like a Hanukkah Halloween? Yeah, there's a Jewish Halloween. What is it? You don't know about Jewish Halloween? No, what is it? I have no idea. You're being an asshole.

You know a Jewish Halloween. No, I swear to God. I mean, I- All right, we all get dressed up like Chomintash and we walk around and everybody touched the fruity center of it and then they go, is that fruit? And they go, what is it?

And you have to say like, is it apricot? Is it apple? Is it, you've never heard of this? I've never, I swear to God, I've never heard of it. I can't tell if you're making fun of me or not. Are you dressed up like anything, what is it? And you have to say like, is it apricot? Is it apple? Is it, you've never heard of this? I've never, I swear to God I've never heard of it. I can't tell if you're making fun of me or not. Are you dressed up like anything or what do you? Yeah, I just said you're dressed up like a hamantash. What's a hamantash?

You don't know what a hamantash is? No, what's a hamantash? It's a type of, don't you dare. Am I mispronouncing it? I don't even know. Hamantash. Dude, I'll fucking take you down right now. What did I do?

Anyway, you dress up like three Chamentashian in a trench coat, and you walk around and they don't know that there's three of you, and then Santa comes and you kill Santa with a piece of matzah. Oh my God, does he come back to life like Jesus did? I guess. Maybe you don't know who Jesus is.

That's what Christmas is. What do you think the H stands for? Hebrew? Oh my God, can you imagine? Jesus Hebrew Christ. Although he is. Anyway, you stab Santa with a broken piece of- He's one of the originals.

He's one of the best. One of the original states And one of the best Jews. Oh, that's your yes. You know I mean, he's like he's he wasn't deep on that bench She was like starter. Oh god. How sexy deep on that bench. Give me one more line That isn't supposed to be sexy, but it's very he was I mean he pinned the the the tail on the donkey We have different we have different we have different tail on the donkey. We have different we have different we have different barometers of what's sexy. What's the sexiest thing? A fucking pad of butter on a fucking skillet and I throw a piece of fucking bacon on there and I'm watching it fucking sizzle.

Maggie Simpson comes out of nowhere. Maggie we love you are you out there listening Maggie? Are you out there? How old would Maggie be if if if okay 30 five how it was 1989, right? So it'd be third she'd 32 years ago and she was a toddler. So she's probably like 34 and hot Oh, okay. Can you imagine Maggie Simpson now you imagine that spiky hair? Oh my god. And that yellow jaundiced skin. What are we about to do? What's it called? Look, there's really one thing that we do at the end of these solo-volo-hollowolo's. I can't believe we're here. I can't believe we're about to do it again. We're in my backyard. We're doing it so my neighbors can hear. Oh, we're going to full out sing and your neighbors have their windows open. This is going to be an absolute fucking nightmare. They're enjoying the show here. And it's something that we do called the- Can you imagine how annoying this is

for most people who like your show? Can you imagine now if you don't want to listen to the show and you don't have the ability to press stop or not listen? That's three houses right now. That's being my neighbor. Yeah. Three houses. And this is the worst version of it.

And we all know a house divided cannot stand. No, cow, it's divided. Of course. This is the Olympic song challenge, my friends, and this is, of course, Ben mentioned it earlier in the show. This is Solo Bolo Hallowolo edition, the spookiest edition of all time.

And this is where one of us, and it's usually Ben, starts singing a song. And then whatever song Ben is singing, I get an idea either from a word that's in the song or the type of music the song is or maybe the singer of That original song look you were right. I told you I have terror. I get terrible reaction some mosquito bites I'm sorry. He was right. All I had to do is get me bug spray now I look like a fucking I look like a swamp thing all I had to do is like

What would you have done if I had just walked off the show in the show and got carried this show on my shoulders like a fucking Gentleman, all right, I will I'll get you Bugs free right now. I'm all covered. I'm all covered. I'm all covered I've already put on all things you were so frightened that I was gonna walk off and leave you. Please only me Please only me here. There's so many bugs that die This is so spooky because bugs are dying all around us. I know what is that? I don't know Bugs don't have long lives, you know, like you and I do. Bugs don't have long lives, that's fucking deep. What if a bug lived as long as a turtle?

Oh my God. But they still made bugs. What if a turtle lived as long as a dog? We can do this forever. What if a dog lived as long as a different dog? What if an ant lived as long as a shellfish? What if a shellfish lived as long as an umbrella? Which takes us to our first song.

You ready? That's right. All right, and we're gonna keep going until finally we reach some sort of satisfying conclusion. What if a shellfish? What if a shellfish? Shellfish. Da da da da da. How does it start? Under the sea. Under the sea. Under the sea. Under the sea. That's where it's hot to. Under the water. That's where we're be.

Tommy, can you see me? See me. Tommy, can you see me? Feeling hot, hot, hot. Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum. Feeling hot, hot, hot. Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum On the street, the heat is dom dom dom dom dom dom dom. On the street where you live, I have often walked. Papa, can you see me? Down this street before.

Under the sea, under the sea. Under the sea, under the sea. Dive will be under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea,

under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea,

under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the sea, under the complete wouldn't you say I'm the girl the girl who has everything I've been waiting for a girl like you waiting for it waiting all of my life my life I've been waiting and it's coming true for you to come into my life. My life, my life, life, life, life is like a hurricane here in Duckburg. National song. Gonna tell you a story about the hurricane. Ooh. I don't know any more lyrics to that.

The hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, hurricane, Rock me all night long Back in black! Hit the sack! Do do do do do do Back in black! Hit the sack! Do do do do do do do I'm blue If I was green I would die

If I was green I would die If I was green I would die It's not easy being green Being green Being the color of the flowers in the trees I wonder why wonder why I wonder who wrote the book of love know what I've been told. Blue, blue, blue Aqua teen, under the sea I ain't just a teenage dirtbag baby Listen to Iron Maiden lately with you

Dinga ding, ding ding ding dinga ding Dinga ding, ding ding ding ding ding ding Here we are now, entertainers! Here we are now, I'm so famous! We are the entertainers and we're coming da-da-da! What's that song we built Joel? The Entertainer. Yeah, exactly. Do do do do, do do do do. Do do do do, do do do do do.

Do do do do, do do do do. Do do do do, do do do do. Do do do do, do do do do. Do do do do, do do do do. Do do do, do do do do. Do do do do, do do do do. Do do do, bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow Bo do bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo I'm gonna walk this way! Talk about talk this way! I'm talking about walk this way! Walk this way! Just give me a kiss!

Kiss the girl! There you see her, sitting there across the way. She don't got a lot to say, but there's something about her And she don't know why but she dying to try You want to kiss the girls Deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle The kind you find in a second-hand store. This is what it sounds like when doves cry. Dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. Love the one you with. Ooh.

Love the one you with. Ch-ch. Love the one you with. Ch-ch. I'm ready for another day. Hit the music play. Ch-ch. Down in Fraggle Rock.

Ch-ch. Down in Fraggle Rock. Ch-ch. Come and play. Waste it up! Day away! On my way! To where the air is sweet!

Now tell me this, again you dare me! How to get, how to get to Sesame Street On the street where you live In a black room with white curtains. Do-ka-do-ka-do. There's a fraggle. With white curtains. In a black room with white curtains.

I am Iron Man. Do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding In a sky fall In a white room With a black curtain There's a fraggle Go into the chapel and we're

Gonna get married Go into the chapel and we're Gonna get married Girl I do love chapel and we're gonna get married Girl I do love you and we're gonna get married Going to the chapel of love Love the one you're with, love the one you're with Love the one there's 50 ways to leave your lover Just slip out the back jack

Make a new plan stan Don't need to be rude Just go out the door, Jimmy door Don't need to be free And just listen to me Just eat a pickle, Rickle Don't need to discuss much Just step out the jack back

Don't need to be free Don't need to be free Don't need to be free Freedom Freedom Freedom Rock Man Freedom Viva Las Vegas Viva Las Vegas

Viva Viva Las Vegas We talking about the Viva! Las Vegas! We can't go on together with suspicious minds Suspicious minds We can not act like this with our suspicious minds

Suspicious minds Have I told you lately that I love you? I'm saying who? Who wrote the book of love? Who wrote the book? Who wrote the book, Ted?

Who wrote the book of Mormon? Ding dong! Ding dong! My name is Elder John, and I just have this book I want you just to read real quick. Ding dong! My name is Scotty Yawks, and I don't know what else to do And I just have this book I want you just to read real quick Ding dong! My name is Scotty Yawks And I don't know what else to do but show

you my little dick Bookum dano! Ba-da-na! Ba-da-na! Boom, boom, boom! Ba-da-na! Boom, boom, boom! Ba-da-na!

Boom, boom, boom! Can you do the sax part? Boom, boom, boom! Boom, boom, boom! Ba-da-na! Boom, boom, boom! Can you do the sax part? Boom, boom, boom!

Boom, boom, boom! Boom, boom, boom! Ba-da-na! Boom, boom, boom! Boom, boom, boom! Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Tonight. your butt tonight. And for us, there will be And we will all go down together. Yes, we will all go down together. Going down. Oh, great one. Loving an elevator. Living it up when I'm going down. Loving an elevator, living it up when I'm going down.

Loving an elevator, living it up when I'm going down. In the air, in the air, tell me one more time now it ain't fair. Walk this way. And tell me to walk this way. Walk this way. And tell me to talk this way. Just give me some head. Ba da ba da ba da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba Then look at me in the eyes while I slowly S that dick. I boom. Bass! How low can you go?

Death row! What a brother no! Once again, back is the incredible! For I'm edible! The incredible D public gonna be number one! Ice ice baby. Better faster harder stronger. Better faster harder stronger. Ice ice baby. Better faster harder stronger.

Better faster harder stronger. Better half a heart stronger. Better, faster, harder, stronger, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better,azzi. Uh, Freestyle 2021. Uh, I was working in the lab late one night when my eyes beheld an eerie sight. Huh? Who is this? A monster from his slab began to rise and suddenly, to my surprise, his trousers dropped right to the floor. Jesus. With his bottom bare, He ran to the door I said Frankenstein what's gotten into you? He said my dick is hard and I need to screw

He did the monster fuck Jesus It was a graveyard with fuck That monster sucked and fucked He did the monster fuck part seven paywall fuck from my laboratory I'm sorry. What is going on? Leo? Stop? Leo stop, so what what what this? You can't come in here and just do this. This is our solo bowl I heard the word monster, and I just couldn't resist adding my own new fully improvised song for you.

It's not new and we don't want you here, get out. All right, fine, I'll scram if you don't appreciate it. But hey, let me at least plug my all new Halloween special, Leo Carpazzi's Monster Match 77. It's the recently unearthed audio from my 1970s Monsters dating show pilot. How about that? How about nothing, Gleeve. We don't want you here.

Get out of here. Why thank you, Ackerman. Appreciate your strong personal endorsement. It's available now only at patreon.com slash doughboys. No. Whoops, that's the wrong URL. It's available now only at cbbworld.com. That's right.

The monster fuck is paywalled now. Hope you freaks are happy. All right, please leave. Leo Carpazzi's Monster Match 77 only at CBBworld.com. He has his own exit music too. I hated that. I don't even know how we got it. Can we even save it? Monster, monster match. He said monster match by the way.

Monster, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match. There you go. Find me a find, catch me a catch! If he goes a-bob-a-dob-a-dob, and they would, wouldn't that be lovely? Wouldn't it be nice if he was older, and he wouldn't have to wait so long? Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ran, ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba Here we go. Ba-da-da! Ba-da-da! Ba-da-da! Ba-da-da!

Ba-da-da! Ba-da-da! Ba-da-da! Ba-da-da! Ba-da-da! Ba-da-da! Ba-da-da! Ba-da-da!

Ba-da-da! Ba-da-da! And come and at ya so I know what amends at this moment Come on darling Our house In the middle of our street Our house, our house Is a very very very fine house Our house Is a very very very fine house How many times must a man walk spice before he says that's too spicy?

The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind. The answer is blowing in the wind. Have you ever, have you ever dodadadada in the blue cold moon? And ever diddle diddle in the night? Have you ever said a dadadada on the Pocahontas song? And dadadada something in the wind, colors of the wind And Vanessa Williams sings this song again How many times must a man walk down the circle of life?

The circle of life. Hey, my neighbor is really enjoying this. The circle of love. From the circle of mama. The way the wind blows. I just killed a man. Sometimes I think that I'd rather be born at all. Carry on, carry on. That nothing really matters

Anyway, the colors of the wind BLOW BLOW BLOW BOOOOOOOM Wind Water Heart I am Captain Planet! Oh my god, well, I'm sorry about the interu- I have no idea, I wasn't keeping track. God, I can't tell you. Sorry about the interruption in that. Who was that?

Leo Karpatsi. He came into your fucking backyard with a full orchestra. And backup singers and exit music. That was insane. It was crazy. But I can't tell you how embarrassing this is because we were singing literally the top of our lungs and there's a house right next to you that's just glaring at us. The houses, not the neighbors. Literally the house is like this is the worst thing that happened. If these walls could talk they would say stop singing guys. Well Ben, this truly was the spookiest solo ball that we've ever done. I mean, I can't think of a single one. You got to take that ice bath because we just did a full show.

Oh my god, but it's always great hanging out with you. It's the best. It's too long. I know that yeah these episodes, yeah, but are too long. I know they're not always some people's cup of tea. It's been too long. It's been too long. But we have a great time. It's great to see your actual face

instead of a face on a screen. Every now and then we'll FaceTime and it'll be okay. But now this is like, we're next to each other. The last time I called you about this, you, or I texted you and you said FaceTime. And then I FaceTimed and what did you do? I hung up so you couldn't get through. You were a FaceTime coward. And then I FaceTimed and what did you do? I hung up so you couldn't get through. You were a FaceTime coward.

And then I FaceTimed you. Then you FaceTimed me back. I just got a call before. That was very funny. You text me like, you wanna do this? Like a FaceTime, let's chat it out. And then you FaceTimed and I hung up immediately and you were like, that's unbelievable.

It was, it really felt like our friendship was at an impasse at that point, but we worked it out. We're here. We did it. We did it. We did another solo Bolo and- I wonder how many, every time we do this, you say it might be the last one.

Do you think- Could be the last one. Do you think so? What other variations do we have? I mean, this is what? This is our- Well, by the way, I hope, see, we see, we can't do it, but we could do another Sonic-O-Colo.

I have a Sonic coming out in April. Okay. We could do Ocho-Lo, Sonic-O-Lo. Ocho-Lo, yeah, we're basically there. Basically there. Yeah, Ocho-Lo's great. We're practically there. Yeah. Lo, Sonicolo. Ocho Lo, yeah, we're basically there. Basically there. Yeah, Ocho Lo's great. Practically there. Yeah, Sonic-dolo.

We will put out the poll and we'll see if you ever want to use it again. No, don't do it, I don't want it. I don't want it. I know. It's gonna shut it down forever. Yeah, I know. We'll do it on Twitter or something

where it's not as cemented. If you do it on Comedy Bang Bang, it's over. That's true. But I had a great time with you. I loved it, I love you. I love hanging out with you. You say I love you though, I said I love you. I mean, I love hanging out with you. I love the act of hanging out with you. I know had a great time with you. I loved it. I love you. I love hanging out with you. You say I love you though. I said I love you. I mean, I love hanging out with you.

I love the act of hanging out with you. I know, I said I love you. No, I love you. I think you're great. I love you. Yeah, I fucking love it. All right. And you just had a birthday, by the way. Happy belated birthday. I turned so old.

Thanks, man. Yep. Didn't get to see you in person, but this is my birthday present to you. Do it. Let me hear it. Sing it. Any song. Any song? Not happy birthday. Oh no, can I pick the song you sing? Okay, yeah. my birthday present to you. Do it, let me hear it, sing it. Any song, not happy birthday. Oh no, can I pick the song you sing? Okay, yeah.

I want you to sing from the book Mein Kampf. There's a really funny- Okay, no, that's- Okay, no, from, okay, I want you to sing, what song would I really want? I want you to sing, sincerely commit to sing a Frank Sinatra song. You know what I want?

You can pick the one that you're happiest with singing, but you only have to sing it for 30 seconds. That's a long time. 15 seconds. I'll put a timer on. Okay, let's see. Tell me when to write. All right.

Cause I feel like your voice lends itself very good. Well, to that. Okay, here we go. Ready. This is my birthday present. Thank you very much, Scott. Appreciate it. Ooh, that's life.

That's 15 seconds. All right. All right, it's up. Great. All right, thanks. Jesus Christ. Christ Almighty. I know you can sing also. That's insane that you would right. All right. It's up. Great. All right. Thanks. Jesus Christ. Christ Almighty. I know you can sing also. That's insane that you would shit on my birthday like that. Oh, that's life. Stop. It is life. And this has been a life, a life well-lived. Ben Schwartz. Thank you, Scotty. His final episode of Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you so much for having me, everybody.

This is how we wanted to go out. We wanted to go out on top? I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo.

I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo.

I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo. I want to go out with a solo. I'll see you on the back end. Okay, bye! Bish.