Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Edi Patterson, Dave Theune, Jacob Wysocki, Allison Dunbar
Episode Date: December 11, 2023Co-host with the Co-most Bean Dip (aka Bean Dip the ShopliftahBabiee) joins Scott to discuss their love for the game, Bean Dip's thoughts on the afterlife, and what's with the Friday after Thanksgivin...g? Then, Robby Delmuda - child lawyer - joins to introduce his lady-friend Deeana Bermuda. After they make a specific request of Scott and his friend Jack UCLA, property manager Rhonda Batuchi opens up about her go-cart dreams and time in a cult, and RJ Dudley (aka the beloved Fart Sack) shares industry woes.Â
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Hmm, thank you, too.
This is not a horse typing.
Okay, seems a little sus, but I'll take you at your word.
Thank you, too.
This is not a horse typing for that wonderful catchphrase submission.
I don't believe it's going to stick, but I appreciate the effort.
Uh, welcome to Comedy Bang Bang,
for another edition.
We're deep, deep in the heart of December.
So deep, put your ass to sleep,
and we have a great show coming up for you.
A little bit later, we have an attorney.
We also have someone in the real estate business,
and we have an actor.
Wow, what a crew today.
If you are a fan of either of those,
when I say either I mean all three of those
or one of the three or two of the three,
or all of the three of those professions,
then you're gonna wanna stick around.
But before we get to them,
by the way, my name is Scott Arcrimin,
I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang,
if you've never heard a single episode,
and why would you have?
But we have a great co-host with the co-most here with me today.
You know her as the owner and proprietor of the W Hotel out here.
The only the one in Hollywood, believe us over there on Vine is that, uh, do I have the
accurate, uh, Scott, don't get it twisted.
It's all Vine and mine, your own business.
VYOB, Vine your own business. Vine your own business. VYOB, vine your own business.
Vine your own business, that's a new catch price
for the W Hollywood Vine your own business.
Were you ever on Vine, you know that app Vine,
that's a-
Yes, I was a sensation on Vine.
Where you were, what did you do?
It was like 15 second things, right?
Yeah, mostly I just like, people loved to bought me a pee.
Watch you pee, oh really, People are watching you pee on my
nature. Only in nature though. Oh I see. What do you consider to be nature?
Sticks my concrete outside.
Concrete so really. Oh so anything. Okay so nothing inside.
No nothing inside please give me a bite. You want to fail on mine?
Piss inside. I have no idea what you just said, but let me introduce you.
She is, of course, you know where you'll ever spend on the show many times,
Beam Dip is back.
Hello, Beam Dip.
Hi Scott.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, what do you say?
I'm happy to see you today.
Hey, that's pretty good.
Were you ever a cheerleader or anything in high school?
No, just a rapper.
Just only a rapper in high school.
Yeah, this a rapper in high school, not a cheerleader. Cheerleading was for the squares.
Did you continue your hip-hop career after high school or was this purely just a hobby that you were?
Well, it's just like a thing that is in twinsick. So it's something I can still do. If I wanted to
get... Should I give you a subject? Yeah, give me a, hey, I'm there. You're giving me a subject.
I'll freestyle for your baby.
Okay.
A paint color swatches.
Are you getting home depot?
Okay.
Paint color swatches from Home Depot.
Ah, ah, well, well, I'm going to Home Depot.
I know what I need.
I don't need some paint color swatches. And I'm going to put them in my sleeve. I'm going to hold D4 and I know what I need. I need some paint color swatches
And I'm gonna put them in my sleeve. I'm gonna take them to my house
And I'm going to paint my rooms with my spouse. I don't know if it's spouse, but I like to pretend that my neighbor is my spouse
So go stick it in the wind let it fly paint everywhere paint on the ceiling and paint on the stairs
I picked out pink just like yo pussy
Everybody knows that I'm no bully cuz I don't boss. I only plead get on the ground baby give me more the knee
Oh my
That's it turned a little hardcore at the end. I mean
My goodness, but but good. I mean you mean, you could give Cal Solomon a lesson or two, I think.
Yeah, well, I don't know about listening to it, but with a collab for sure.
Sure, oh, a collab.
I don't know that you want to do that.
I think your skill set is exponentially higher than his.
But one thing I wondered is, why are you putting the paint swatches in your sleeve?
They're free, I believe.
So they are free, but that's part of my thing is I'm part of my rap for some of those I shop
live.
Oh okay.
You shoplift only free things or I shoplift free things I shop with cars I shoplift
candy whatever.
Did that was that part of your name your rap stage name or?
Yeah do bring them to shoplift baby.
Bring dip to shoplift uh.
Bring dip to shoplift uh a. Bean dip the shoplift, uh? Bean dip the shoplift, uh, A-H.
A-H, oh my gosh.
But then the capital B all won't work.
Bean dip the shoplift a baby.
I'm not sure where the capital B is at.
It's the start of bean dip, is it?
No, bean dip the shoplift a baby.
Baby, oh the baby, oh I see, okay.
But baby is a B-A-B-I-E-E.
Okay, did you ever consider like shortening it
to like the baby or anything like that?
No, I don't think so.
Not when you were in high school, you're an older woman.
Come on man, the baby, come on man.
I beg your pardon, but be a wonderful stuff.
Do you still do it or do you have a demo demonstration tape?
I still do it.
Yeah, I got a few demos in my car. I can give you
But hey man, I it's like I could be so
Rich off rapping, but I'm already so rich for all the stuff Yeah, it's just like it's just off for the love of it for the love of the guy
Sound like you're about to launch into something there, but
For the love of the guy show me y'all pussy in a put you on the shame
For the love of the guy, show me your pussy and I'll put you on the shame. Get your pussy to me, baby, get me down to the lips.
I'm gonna take him in there if I'm on the flip.
You alter your back and get you up.
Let's get a reference and do it, f**k.
So you're, it sounds to me like you're addressing a lot of women who's pussy's you want to do things
to is that yeah, I'm talking about.
Yeah, you're trying to fuck right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and you are we've established it's own preview shows you you take all
comers.
Oh, yeah, paying.
Yeah, oh, your pan.
Yeah, for sure.
That's right.
Uh-huh.
You think Peter Pan like we should stop calling in that, you know, because it's like
a children's thing and the pan means more And we're more of each and realize Peter Pan
was starting to fight everybody.
You just trying to even Michael in his little top at?
Well, not you, what's got it?
I think you're right.
Peter Pan, no, Pato.
Peter Pato though.
Peter Pan, that's a whole other character.
Being dip, what do you have to lately?
I mean, it's the holiday season.
The holidays are right around the corner.
What is it being dip to during the holidays? I mean, do you have traditions? Do you have to do lately? I mean, it's the holiday season. The holidays are right around the corner. What is it being dipped to during the holidays?
I mean, do you have traditions?
Do you have?
Yeah, I got so many traditions, man.
Mostly, this might be all the decorations.
My deal is I like to put a little baby Jesus everywhere.
Every, really?
Uh-huh, every week.
Like normally, I mean, maybe there's a nativity set
and there's one. Yeah. But how many baby Jesus is do you?
Well, all my own, I'm a self-baby Jesus. All of them. All the people in the manger are baby Jesus.
The shepherds, the wise men, all the way with the shepherds, they call these these three guys the wise men. Uh-huh.
Like do the shepherds take offense at that? Like, what are we dumb shits? Like come on. You know what?
Everybody who's come wise, man.
Three wives, man of oriental,
man of however all the songs go.
Nobody's a wise man except for baby Jesus.
So everybody needs to just step aside,
go to the alley, get in the pool, whatever.
Even as a baby, he was smarter than the wife.
Yes, man, come on.
So all my life's on my trade.
Our lit up baby Jesus says, all my cakes that I make for Yes, man, come on. So all my life's on my trade. I'll lead up, baby Jesus says,
all my cakes that I make for Christmas,
all baby Jesus says,
every decoration is, baby Jesus.
And if America wants to get right,
that's what they're gonna do, too.
I had no idea you're actually religious,
especially with the content of your rap, certainly.
I'm not so religious as much as I am spiritual.
I see. So you don't believe in the big old man in the sky
with a big long beard.
The old man in the sky is a different vibe.
That's a punisher, man.
Right, but baby Jesus.
Baby Jesus is all about love and light.
Baby Jesus, you could interchange with,
say, you could interchange with Buddha.
Yeah, sure, yeah.
I mean, there were both babies, right?
You could interchange the world, baby Jesus with the universe, right? In positive energy. Love, love, love and
light flow. The baby Jesus is all over the edge. Right. So when you die, what do you think
happens to you? Okay, let's get started. Let's get it. Okay. First you die. Put on a pot
of coffee. Put on a pot of coffee, because let's get it into a you die. on a pot of coffee put on a pot of coffee because let's get into it. Yeah, they
Somebody for me my body will be sent to a place where it gets burnt out. Okay. I guess I didn't mean like what actually happens to your body and stuff
Well, yeah, okay, I mean, you know, whatever we all know kind of what I mean the rest of us who are here sort of know what happens
Okay, but like what what happens to your essence your spirit or okay?
As your body checks out you soul goes like going backwards now
Yes, body cells checks out your soul goes
Man, give me out of here. I'm yo, I'm done with this
Because the soul doesn't want to be in the body when it does because then the soul dies at the same time
Right like a zombie the soul never does Scott read your man. Energy can't be created on the destroy it.
Okay. Okay.
The soul goes,
man, get me outta here.
I got to go party man.
Party or a party?
I knew you'd go and ask me that.
The stick, the stick, big picture here dog.
Party.
Party definitely yes.
I know I said I'm pissed on fine,
but in a big picture, we talk about potty, eh?
Right, because the soul's been trapped in this body
for, you know, however many years we get.
That's right.
And the soul's like, I mean, I'm bigger than this.
So the soul goes,
Pff, shoots up like a daring rocket into this clouds.
Goes beyond clouds, down barrier, all that.
If you ever hear something fall off a shelf,
that was a soul going to pass the cell barrier.
Oh, really? Okay. Now, we've traveled pretty far with space exploration. How far is the
soul going? Because we used to say, like, oh, heaven is in the clouds, because that's as
far as anyone it ever gone before. It's more like you shoot straight up, but it happens
more like a universe thing. It's not like, you know, the clouds. It's more like, up where the stars in the shitton are.
Like where everything's code.
Right.
So it's just ones and zeros, is that what you're talking about?
That's all anything you've got.
It's all ones and zeros, man.
You so shoot up into the code, man.
And everything becomes everything.
Everybody you ever news up there, a party.
And so we're in the cloud literally have
him as someone that has the cloud. Oh, the cloud. The cloud. You know, well, I'm
making a joke. This is what you're saying. You don't need to be so derisive of me. I'm
trying to figure out what you fucking think. It's saying the cloud is very basic. It's more
like into the universe where everything makes sense and the zero point field.
It's like that. Okay. So I got are we judged then or is there a judge? They know they're
no go down to live with the devil now. Anybody who ever is there a devil though? No man.
Yeah. It's the devil's all earth man. If you're living wrong, you're gonna feel it. You're not gonna like being in your own brain man
This is really good because I'm getting into the philosophy of what you believe
You know everything has been surface level with you and I
Okay, let's do it on all of your past appearances. You go up there to the zero point field everything
You ever know that's positive or level light is up there baby Jesus
But a universe all your friends no old man Jesus sir
no man god I guess it's all just like a great energy everything looks great you
you will you feel like learning you feel like laughing it's just fun man every
animal's up there it's fun even bugs? Yeah, even bugs man. Worms?
Worms too man.
Yeah, that's a problem.
But you don't have any, there's no effect
of bugs or worms up there.
You dislike.
Do they bite you?
No man, that's just like, hey, can I sit in your hair
for a while?
No.
And you're like, hey, it's so hard man, I feel great.
I don't want to go to heaven if there's bugs there.
Well, Scott, that's all you, though. So even bugs have souls, so all the bugs I've killed over the years.
Yeah, but when you get up there, they go, you know what?
We understand.
He didn't mean it because we...
I mean, it isn't their name.
They bug pe...
You know.
They bug.
Yeah, we bug people.
Also, we were in his house.
And we knew we weren't supposed to be in his house.
We could have caused infection and disease in his house. Exactly. All the mosquitoes that caused malaria over the years.
He knew we could be in there. We took our chances of being in his house. So they're cool
with it. They're cool. They're man. They're not trying to judge you. Can we kill bugs
though up in heaven? Like is that allowed or not? They you could try but they don't die
from it. So you can't squash them though. You can squash them but it's more like they go.
Here's a scenario.
Yeah.
Oh, there's a, whoa, there's a very angry centipede in front of me.
Almost squash it in heaven.
Then the centipede just like pops up.
Boeing just kind of like a thing outside of car wash.
Like it gets air in it.
It's like, and then it goes, Ha, hey, man, I'm cool with you doing that, but less,
less party and study you squashing me again. And then you hold
hands with the sun of pee, man.
Do the bugs also have halos and wings and harps and all that?
Scott,
will you get the fuck out of my face with this cartoon?
Yeah.
I don't, I don't know. I don't know what, I mean,
this is quite a philosophy.
Where did you come across all of this?
Is this just something that you've...
It's just the easy truth, man.
If you stop trying, it's just the easy truth, man.
So Christmas though.
Christmas.
Get into it.
Get into it.
If you haven't, you've heard about Christmas yet?
Like get into it.
Like investigate.
Yeah.
So being there wonderful to have you.
Happy holidays to you.
Thanks, you're welcome.
I would love for you to stick around here
and interview everyone with me.
I would love to.
You have the time for that.
I'm here for this to be my work today.
And I love you.
Thank you so much, being did.
I love you too.
Okay.
Not in that way that you mean, but.
Come on, man.
I'm a bad friend.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
I love you as a romantic partner. that you mean, but I come on man, I'm a fan of friendship. Yeah, that's what I mean.
I love you as a romantic partner.
And you've always turned me down, but oh well.
Well, Joel the crowd, man.
We need to get to our first guest.
Is that all right, being there?
That sounds great, because I'm very excited about it.
I guess you have.
Have you ever met this gentleman?
He's an attorney.
When I say gentlemen, I mean he's a young boy.
How old are you, Robbie?
Scott, I'm 11 years old.
You're 11 years old.
You have a deep voice.
You've already been through puberty.
Yeah, I'm going through it, Scott.
You're in the middle of it.
I'm going through it.
Please welcome back to the show.
He's a childhood attorney, Robbie Delmuda.
Hi, Robbie.
Hey, Scott, this has been dip.
Hey, being dip.
Hey, guy, how you doing?
You look great. Thanks. I'm 11 years old and I'm feeling there. Hey, being there. Hey, guy, how you doing? You look great.
Thanks.
I'm a loving you, Zolt, and I'm feeling fine.
Good.
Yeah, I know it's been tough for you.
You, people who haven't heard Robbie's previous appearances, you've been on trial.
On trial?
Are you still on trial?
Yes, I'm currently on trial.
Once again, my dad has come at me yet again.
This is a new trial.
New trial.
What happened with the old trial? Because the last time we we talked to you you were in the middle of the old trial
It catches up on the details again for that. They it went too long
Is that a thing with trials they can go too long? They just have to watch their hands
Yeah, they they that we can't keep we got we're piling up in the back. We got to move along here
So I got acquitted I went back to so they could be like, trials too long acquitted. Yeah, yes.
I had no idea.
Scott, me neither.
So if you're ever on trial, drag your feet.
It's just like show up late.
Hey, look, I'm learning on the flight,
just like you are Scott, all right.
And I'm gonna advise anyone if they are on trial,
drag it out, all right.
So you were acquitted, good for you.
And what was the, what were the charges again?
I know, and that was for the investmentbezzlement investment right for it was not true
Scott and it was for your dad's company and he ran every investments. He pinned everything on you as usual Scott and you were
Going to night school for your regular school and then going on the regular school for my regular school
I'm going to night court for my attorney if the yes to be as I attorney right which didn't leave a lot of time for you to be on trial.
No, no, there are hours of time.
As soon as the sunrise is Scott, night court is over.
Gosh, that's hard, Mommy.
Yeah.
Thank you.
I didn't realize night court was like vampire hours.
I just thought it was like seven to 11.
What's the sun starts creeping up?
You can tell the clerk starts wrapping things up real quick, but that's a life I've got to live right now.
I'm on trial in a night court.
Maybe this vampire is involved.
I'll tell you what, they are blood suckers for money, okay?
A lot of people say that about attorneys.
It's very funny.
Not me though, I'm not.
No, because you are an attorney.
I am an attorney.
Have you passed the bar?
I've gone by it several times.
Okay.
What are you on trial for now?
Too young to give you.
Scott, I'm on trial for wire fraud.
Wire fraud.
Yes.
Yes.
Like wire transfers out of money?
Yes, wire transfers the money, but of course.
Thank you, B.D.
Good job.
Oh, B.D.
You're on top of things.
Hey, Scott, you should have a full time co-host.
No, thank you.
Let me ask you this.
What occasion have you ever been in to actually wire anyone any money? I
mean, you're just an 11 year old boy. That's the thing Scott. Normally, I'm not in that
situation. But every now and again, when I go, I go out, I have to school, I go to 7-11,
I go with my buds and I grab a snack. And sometimes that don't have any cash on me. So I got
to call my dad and ask him, though, why are some funds? Why are some funds? Western Union to the 711. He does it to a Western Union. Oh, and then you okay, and then I go and pick it up and then I grab some fast breaks
Why do you go to the store without you like fast breaks or you what do you what do you take five guy?
I am more of a twix gentleman myself. Whoa double the candy five same price
Is that really what I mean? I guess it is kind of a bargain in your head in your head you tell yourself is two sticks for the price of one
What kind of care to use a fast break fast break is oh, it's a mix. It's like a it's like a looks like a snickers tastes like a Reese's
Oh my god, I like my Reese's take like tastes like Reese's and vice versa. I like my Reese's taste like Reese's
like Reese's advice first. I like my recess.
That was good. Thanks for the clarification. Scott, we were all all confused there. But I was given the side eye to each other. So
so where I'm on there for wire fraud. Alright, of course, I
didn't do it. But the problem here is he wasn't just wiring me
funds. He was wiring his own funds to offshore accounts to hide money,
but he said that I was the one receiving the money. And now I'm on trial for wire fraud.
It's a big mess. Scott, I'm in over my head as usual.
Oh, wow, that's terrible, man. Thank you. Being there, but Scott, I got to tell you,
that's not actually even what I'm here today. All right, just so you, this is just a side thing.
That's a side thing I gotta do with,
you don't wanna hear the mundane details
and I'll tell you what, neither does the jury.
I'm sorry, I, it's a tough jury for you.
They are snoozing left and right.
My opening statement, they could not fall asleep fast enough.
So everyone's just sleeping.
You think the judge would take that in hand.
You would think so, but the judge was like,
I see it and I get it.
So what are you here for Robbie Del Mooda?
I love to have you on the show.
I love to hear exactly why you're here.
Scott, you've been a good friend to me for a long time.
All right, and you've listened to my toils and troubles.
I don't know that I've been a good friend,
but I've been the host of a talk show.
Okay, well, I didn't want to say it, but yes. Scott, you've also heard me talk from time to time
about the love of my life. Right. What was it? This is good recap for me, but what was her name?
Diana Bermuda. Oh, yes, Diana Bermuda. Yes. And Scott, today, I brought Diana Bermuda with me,
because I want her to meet my good friend Scott.
And then, oh my gosh.
Diana, come on in, get out of the bathroom.
That's what a weird invitation,
but yes, get out of the bathroom.
Diana, come on in.
Diana, come on in.
Diana.
Diana.
Yeah, talking to the mic dear.
Okay. Hi, Diana. Yeah. Hi. Great to meet you. Diana Bermuda, into the mic, dear. Okay.
Hi, Diana, yeah.
Hi.
Great to meet you.
Diana Bermuda, I've heard so much about you.
Yeah, me and I were, me and I.
Hi.
It's so nice to meet you.
It's nice to meet you.
You're also 11 years old.
Are you the same age as Robbie?
I'm just a little bit older than 13.
You're 30, oh.
She's an older woman, Scott.
Okay, Robbie.
Yes. Where would you meet? Because it seems to be like's an older woman, Scott. Okay, Robbie. Yes.
Where would you meet?
Because it seems to me like she's in junior high
and you're in elementary.
Yes, yes.
Yes, but we, what we, we, we,
we saw we ride the same bus together
because she's not weird.
She doesn't have a license yet.
Okay.
So it goes to different places this bus.
Yes.
The junior high and the,
in the elementary, elementary, I was with, yes. They're, they're, they're places this bus. Yeah. The junior high and the elementary.
Elementary, yes.
They're close, they're by each other.
Yes, well, Scott, I'm in fifth grade, all right.
And she is in seventh grade.
Gotcha.
All right.
So it's close, okay.
And so we start, we're on the bus.
She's in the back, I'm normally in the front.
When you say it's close, you mean you're close in age?
Or is that, what are the buildings?
They're close to each other. 11 and 13 Scott. It's close. So the bus driver's like, that's close, you mean you're close in age or or that we're closing their closures. We just 11 and 13 Scott.
It's close.
It's pretty close.
So the bus driver's like, that's close enough.
Just get on this bus.
Yes.
Yes.
So she gets to sit in the back because she's with the cool kids.
I'm normally toward the front.
I'm talking to the bus driver, offering different route
suggestions.
How often does he take you up on these?
Every now and again, and then we're normally late.
And when we got on the bus, I had to pretend that I don't know Robbie, but then when we
got off the bus, there was one we kissed.
So you guys have consummated this romance.
I believe the last time you're here, it was unrequited.
Is it?
It was tough.
Yes.
It would for a long time where I was asking her to go with me to the dance at school
and she would say no thanks.
You don't even go to that dance.
You're not even supposed to be in there.
Yeah, why aren't they me people are going to get creamed down?
Yeah, yeah.
So, but so then how did it happen, you guys?
Oh, Scott, I was low on lunch.
I was low on lunch.
Low on lunch.
So your lunch was running low. Oh, Scott, I was low on lunch. I was low on lunch.
So your lunch was running low.
My lunch was running low.
I was down to my last free-to-way.
Because sometimes he eats this whole lunch on the bus
and he gets really low on lunch.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm trying to replenish my energy from the night court.
And so I'm not a video game, by the way.
This is you.
I mean, it's not like your level skin just anyway.
Go ahead. Well, Scott, I tell you mean, it's not like your level skin just anyway. Go ahead.
Well, Scott, I tell you what, she's given me another life. I'll tell you that.
Oh, that's wonderful. Yes. So she split her lunch with me. And then from then on, we were
inseparable, Scott, we were together. We were like, we were like Larry and Curly, if Moe was on a
break from the three students. Yes. Right. Okay. Now, you're not We like Larry and Curly if Moe was on a break.
From the three stuages.
Yes, right?
Okay, now you're not intimating that the three stuages
had some sort of polyamorous relationship.
Polly what?
I don't know, never mind.
So that's wonderful.
I mean, love can truly bloom in the most unlikely of places.
And I know you've been pining for.
Absolutely. For Brenda, right?
Is that the end?
Oh, I'm sorry, Bermuda, Diana Bermuda.
Diana Bermuda.
Also, Robbie pays me a little bit, which is nice.
What do you mean pays you?
Is this a campime-y love situation?
It's a little bit of a campime-y love situation.
How do you know what campime-y love is?
Ah, my mom has talked about it.
And what respect? She mom has talked about it.
And what respect.
She doesn't care for it.
So she's constantly talking about it.
She usually gives me a list of movies she doesn't like
and would prefer to never see again.
What's on this list?
I'm really dying to hear the what the...
Camp I'm in love, the mask.
The mask, really?
Yeah.
What's wrong with the mask?
Oh, it was, he was...
Pretty anodine harmless film as far as I can remember.
She said that the mask was his real identity
and his other self was his fake images.
Okay, this is the Batman argument.
He should just wear all the time.
Yes.
What a Superman argument.
Yes, neither of which film she likes.
She, oh, so she doesn't like movies where people are pretending
to be something that they're not.
She's got a DC fan, Scott.
Okay, I guess I meant camp by me love because Love, because she's pretending to be his boyfriend.
Oh, gosh.
Oh, but I consider Camp I Me Love
to be in the DC universe.
Yes, at least the DC EU extended universe.
Absolutely, Scott.
I can imagine those things taking place
in the same place.
Like, every once in a while in Camp I Me Love,
you see characters look up at the sky.
I can imagine Superman flying by or something like that that. Yes Scott. Now you speak my language.
And some also hates the movie mask. Mask the other movie, not the mask.
Yeah. The one with Rocky with his, there's no other way to say it but fucked up face.
Yeah. Rocky? No, Rocky had a fucked up face.
I mean, the punch punch in the face. After a fuck yeah, I was all in three punch.
This is a different totally different movie with Share.
Oh, oh my gosh, Scott, I didn't know she could do it.
Yeah, sure, she's a triple threat.
Oh, I only knew her as a variety show host.
Oh, right.
The show host singer and actor.
Those are the three things she can do.
That's a triple threat, right there, Scott?
Yeah, exactly.
Speaking of triple threat, the N and I, we have a question for you.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Do you want to say one word of it at a time?
Sure.
Yeah.
Scott?
Oh, it's starting off pretty safe.
But now it's a question, so I know the next word has to be what are the question words?
Can you please get us and honorary degree from UCLA.
Wow, what a request. Can I get you an honorary degree from UCLA?
Yes, preferably Scott, an acting degree because
Dianne and I, we've caught the acting bug.
Where I like to snow.
BD, what do you think about this?
I mean, I'm just like, I'm sitting here,
I'm looking at these two look here.
I'm like, no offense, honey, but you need to put some more clothes
on the other time. You need to put clothes on because it is.
If being the best thing you need to put clothes on, then there's a problem.
That hot.
Being that you're not approved.
I'm not, man, I'm not approved, but like Lizzy get real. She's 13 and I can almost see
the whole belly button. I can almost see the bottom of ass cheeks
I'm not that's not good for her with a belly button. Maybe the top half is fine
But maybe top half's hard thing. I'm not trying to see your whole belly button honey. Yeah, well that was connected to your mother's uterus
Yeah, I know it's the mind really. I know what I'm telling you
Scott be bit.
I would appreciate it if you didn't gang up on my girlfriend here.
Sorry, Bob.
It's wonderful that you're civil risk.
I appreciate that, but you don't need to come into my house and tell me how to run my
show.
You're right, Scott.
I'm not a bug.
Yeah, Bob.
This is Scott's house, baby.
You're right, be bit.
I'm so sorry.
Scott, we know you're in the biz.
Yeah, all right.
I don't think that I could be able to get
my self-in-honorary acting degree from anywhere,
let alone UCLA.
It's not a place necessarily known for their acting department,
although I will say my friend teaches there
and is a wonderful teacher.
OK.
Oh, I guess I maybe could put it in work.
Okay.
That's what we thought, Scott.
We did a low research.
Yeah, on my friends.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, but we're doing a fun work.
Yeah.
They're very, they're few, but they're mighty.
They're mighty.
I have few friends, but they're mighty.
Yeah, your few friends with their mighty and one more CSELA.
And we just really want to be actors.
And why do you guys want to be actors?
Well, it's a hard business.
You need to know when acting degree.
We'll get us jobs in the middle of the night.
I don't know that acting degree gets you jobs, I guess.
And well, then we can be on TV like as a tagging team.
Yeah.
We're like,
God, we could be the new Kardashians.
Yeah, we could be the Kardashians, the new actors.
They're not actors.
They're just kind of being themselves
although they're going through made up situations
that the producers,
and by the way,
they're not putting on the show every single week.
I guess you're right.
I guess you're right.
But I mean,
I don't know that I have the,
I mean, I could call my friend, I guess.
My,
we would love it Scott.
Okay.
Scott, which friend is it?
Yeah, which friend?
Jack Ucla.
Oh, yeah, Jack.
Not on him.
Yeah, do you want me to call him on the phone here?
Yeah, let's get him on the phone right now.
All right, let me get him a call here.
Let's see, I went down the number. Uh,. It's not that long. I just talked to you yesterday
It was it me we talk every day
Hey, my brother my brother. Yes, how have you been? I've been good. I've been good not a lot of this happens since yesterday
You owe it nothing. I mean to what I just am lounging real okay?
Kick it back you were kicking back yesterday. Yes. I'm lounging. Real. Okay.
Kick it back.
You were kicking back yesterday.
Yes.
Yes.
Not a lot happens in your life, Jack.
No, they schools out.
Not yet.
My class is, so let them go really.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
I put on sunglasses and I said it's done a week early.
Wow.
I mean, I would love you as a teacher.
Thanks, man.
And that's kind of what I'm calling you about.
What?
You're not just going to chat. We're not doing our daily chat. We're going to do our daily chat a
little bit. I'm, I'm taking a show right now. So we'll do our three hour chat. You know I
later in on the show. I'm so sorry. It makes me nervous being on the show. Tell you what, I'll
disguise your voice so it sounds something like, hey, as I go over there. That's good. Okay, great.
I'll put the filter on. Thank you. You know normally I'm a
soft spoken guy. I know you're so gentle and I have a couple of kids here. One's 13, one's 11.
Those are kids. One's name is Robbie Del Moodo. One's name is Deanna Bermuda. Okay. Their name's
rhyme. Yeah. If that plays into the decision at all. Okay, I'll consider okay. They're looking for honorary acting degrees
So they can go out and get jobs as actors in Hollywood
Bachelor degrees
Yeah, or maybe a master of fine arts
There's two of them. Yes, I'll need it. It'll be a MMF a
Do you think you could maybe massage them and see if they just split an MFA together?
Let me see. Oh, like I put you on hold.
Hi guys, Kit. Do you mind if you just split one MFA? So one of you takes the M,
one of you takes the F and you share the A.
Being on Scottloons, discussing.
Wait, I'll put myself on hold. Booh.
Diana, I mean, I personally think that's a great idea.
I think it'd be nice to be linked together with a degree
for a long time.
Well, we could get it for sure and see what it brings us
in the next few weeks.
I would love that, Deanna, I would love just to,
maybe just feel it,
feel it out for a little bit. Okay. Okay. And then maybe I don't want to hug right now.
Okay. No one. I'm not going to know. Absolutely not. You feel like Ducky wanted to hug.
I did. Okay. I did. I do. I always do. Okay. Also just real quick, I do get you a Christmas present. Oh God. Okay, right now. Yes. Okay. What
uh yeah. There is if you could unwrap it quick, it's alive. Oh my God. Oh my God. Yes. You
got me a snake. I got your snake. Thank you. They live a long time. You know, it's a symbol of my love for you that it goes on for a long time
Mm-hmm. Why don't you just keep it and you can say like on the zar thing? Oh
Yeah, okay, but you raise that okay. Okay. Yeah, of course and you come over anytime you want to see it
Yeah, whenever I want whenever you want not at night. I'm not around
Mm-hmm. I'm in night. Cause you're a night court.
I'm in night court and I tell you what,
I'm in my head over my head and paperwork.
I know.
Okay, if you ever want to come out night court,
you could come by and say hello.
I know, I know.
I need to be on the phone at night.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
Scott.
No, hi.
Thanks for taking me out.
God, I was gonna hold forever.
I know.
We've decided that we will do it. Okay, let me take jack o'gloff
Still lounging jack oh now. I was listening to the whole music
That's who sings that by the way the girlfriend in panina. Yeah, no, but oh, so she sings that song
the girlfriend in Pannina. Yeah, no, but oh, so she sings that song?
Yes, Lord.
It's self-titled.
They've decided they can split the MFA.
They're willing to do it?
Yeah, one of them will take the M, one will take the F.
That's the split the A.
Now, this is really an orthodox God,
but you and I are friends and we talk every day.
Yeah.
So I'm willing to stick my neck out.
I wish I don't make me look like a three foot necked fool.
No, if they, if they can have this MFA, I assure you,
they'll be world famous actors,
or at least Kardashian types within,
what do you guys say, two months?
At least we get two weeks.
Two weeks?
Yeah.
This is the two week assurance.
I'll fact over the paperwork.
Great.
Okay, I don't have a fax machine necessarily.
You're gonna have to figure that one out, right?
You've already done so much.
Hey, could you throw me back on hold? Yeah, sure. Yeah, here you go. The buzz from it.
What's going on? I just, hey, I just pulled myself off the hold. I was on a hold for a minute. Hey,
bean to oh, who put you on hold? I don't know that somebody walked in here. Yeah. Oh, yeah,
hey, bean dip. What's going on? Well, I have a fax machine. I just wanted to let you know,
in case you need to use it, I'll keep it in my car.
You keep it, oh is it hooked up in your car?
Well it's hooked up in my car now, but it can be easily...
Was it into the cigarette lighter?
Yeah, I did the cigarette lighter, but I can bring it in.
Uh, now you keep it in your car, I think I'll do it.
Can I get some fax to set over to you?
Yeah, of course, that's why I'm all full in it.
What's the number?
554.
554?
554.
554.
78. 92. 48755. Five five four. Seven eight. Nine two. Nine two. Four eight. Seven five five.
Four eight seven five. Nine eight. Four seven. Four seven. Three oh five. Oh wait I got to take
him off hold so he gets this. Do you repeat it? Yeah. Yeah. There's the facts number. You send it over.
Five five seven. Four five. Nine oh two. Nine oh two. So, so far. Four nine eight. Three seven. 4 or 5 9 0 2 so 4 5 4 9 8 4 9 8 3 7 4 5 5 5 5 5 2 3 8 5 8 8 8 8 8 I
1 1 I 2 2 3 5 4 3 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 3-5-5, let me guess the rest. K-O. 6-9. Yeah, that's what. 6-9, last time.
No mistakes.
Alright.
Well, great.
So, send over to the paperwork and I-
I'll pack the red over, buddy.
Okay, thanks, buddy.
Can't wait to hear from you later and for every day after.
I love you, Jack.
I love you, buddy.
Alright.
Brother, can't wait to hear your real voice.
So much more soothing than this one.
But, hey, oh, we put himself back on hold it I'm just gonna hang up on him like guys congratulations yes
sing you this is great Scott this is great news I can't wait to be on a show where we're like
I'm the armlet alive oh that's I mean it's great I mean yeah most shows have people that are alive
on him but it's just like we have just like being like alive in I mean, it's great. I mean, yeah, most shows have people that are alive on him.
But it's just like, we are just like being alive in the world.
And it's like, you're a point of view.
POV, that call.
I can't wait to show my POV.
Yes, that's the show.
I think I can see part of your POV.
Your pants are writing down right now.
You guys get off of me about this.
I know what the P and the V stand for.
Okay. Hilarious. Holt beer, right? Off of me about this. I know what the pee in the V stand for okay
hilarious Oh
Beep-dip you and
Deanna Bermuda both make anyway
What nothing nothing I know what people are so small. What's that pussy?
But John okay give them all to me. Give them up, give them up.
Give me that, show me.
Show me what I call a pussy at night.
Give me dick, too, baby.
Make me fight.
All right, we need to take a wonderful,
thank you for taking us to break with that wonderful rap.
We have to take a break if that's all right.
Robby, D.M., in B.D.
I would love to, I gotta find that snake.
I let it out of the box.
Oh, oh God.
Don't make me kill snakes, too.
I don't want to meet him in heaven.
Uh, we're gonna come back.
We have someone in the real estate business.
We also have an actor.
This is a packed show.
We'll be right back with more bean dip, more Deanna Bermuda,
more Robbie Del Moota.
We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Tumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumumum Oh well to each of us own, I care, make you love me. I care, make you love me.
I love that.
And you sing too.
Yeah, that's my whole deal, though, so I got singing within my raps.
And it's usually like Bonnie Ray songs.
Oh, okay.
You were about to go into one, you went, huh?
I care, make you love me if you don't.
What are the other Bonnieates songs that you use?
Let's give them something to talk about.
Let's give them something to talk about.
How about pussy, pussy, everybody come.
Get in my face and I'll show you some.
Some, I mean titties.
I'll show you mine if you show me yours.
And they're your dick tonight.
And see, I feel like all of your songs
tend to have the same subject matter, which is pussy.
Well, that's for sure, man.
Yeah, well, you know, hey, look,
I mean, if a Snoop Dogg made a whole thing out of just weed,
yeah, look, who's not into it?
Show our hands.
About, you know, maybe a half the population probably.
Half you triggered yourself.
I triggered myself.
Yeah.
Trigger warning for myself.
Trigger warned myself.
You don't trigger yourself more.
Hmm.
Uh, we also have Robbie Dermuda is here and Diana Bermuda.
They're both, uh, graduates from UCLA.
We got the paperwork in.
Here we go. Here is on the way. We got the paperwork in. Here we go.
The car is on the way.
Scott, we're excited.
These lyrics are a bit much for my ears.
I'm gonna be honest with you.
Yeah, you haven't heard, I mean.
I haven't heard one body rate song my entire life.
I'm just on your process.
Oh, that's the part.
Okay.
But it's great to have you.
And I expect you guys within two weeks to have,
and you're you I mean
I wonder if you have the degree now if you are you as smart as other I mean what's your favorite Shakespeare quote?
You know the immortal Bard. Yeah, my favorite is probably
For he who has walked in this path
Has been the one to leave
That's good. I mean, she knows her stuff.
Obviously you're both split in an MFA.
So Robbie, what about you?
My quote is one is when you walk toward the moon,
make sure it is bright.
And because if it's not, there's a good chance.
It's not night.
That's a beautiful, oh yeah, I love that.
It's kind of funny,
but that's from one of his comedies, right? Yes, one of his many comedies.
All right. Well, we need to go to our next guest. This is quite a pleasure to have her on. She's
in the real estate business. Please welcome for the first time on the show, joining the exclusive
One Timers Club, Rhonda Bertucci. Hi, good afternoon. Hi, good afternoon to you.
We are taping this in the afternoon.
People could be listening at any point in their lives.
So you don't need to, if you've heard that,
you don't need to stop the podcast
and then turn it back on in the afternoon.
That's, I want to make sure people know that.
Right.
You think they would be confused.
I think so.
Yeah.
I prefer that we just keep everything.
I don't like to ever use pronouns.
Oh.
I don't like to use any kind of
time of day references. Okay. All right. Well, just good. Yes. Yeah. Good. Thank you. Good
to you. Yeah. Good. So, Rhonda, tell us about yourself. You're a real estate developer.
Not quite. My name is Rhonda Butucci. My friends call me cocaine ronda. I am currently living in the LBC.
Long Beach, Compton?
No, Long Beach Central?
Oh, I say, oh, okay, LBC I believe means the coalition
between Long Beach and Compton.
Doesn't?
I believe so.
Oh, yes.
So much drama in the LBC is referring to a coalition
between two cities.
These two cities that tend to have, yes, anyway,
I don't wanna necessarily get into the history of.
That's confusing, I didn't know that.
Well, that's all school here, Bob.
A lot of what they say is confusing,
they're using assertive.
I know the song, but I live in Long Beach,
I always refer to it that I'm living in the LBC.
Well, you are technically because you're in one part
of the, you're in the LB part of it.
Right, well, the central location in Long Beach. Doesn't matter where you are in Long Beach,
you're part of the LBC. Okay, great. Well, you can be on the Elskirts,
yeah. On the west side, the east side, well, outside, yeah, northwest side. Right. Right.
Well, that's what, you know, I am, uh, anywhere within the city limits, you're in the LBC.
Okay, great. So we've decided. I'm not me to decide it.
This is purely facts.
Okay, fact is I'm there currently.
You're, no, actually you're right now,
you're in Hollywood because you're, we're taping,
although I don't like to tell,
because people who are not in Hollywood,
I'm worried they're gonna turn off the podcast
if they hear that we're in Hollywood,
they'll go, oh, I'm gonna wait till I get to Hollywood
to listen to this.
Oh, right.
I don't like to say where we are at any time.
It's triggering, yeah.
Exactly. But Ron, to tell us about yourself, you, I don't like to say where we are. It's triggering, yeah, exactly.
But Ron, to tell us about yourself,
you're a real estate, you say you're not a developer?
No, I am the property manager
of Captain Jack's apartment complex.
Captain Jack's apartment complex, what it was.
It's not famous, this is the name,
it's the name of the apartment complex.
Captain Jack is a famous Billy Joel song.
So I, was it named after that?
It may have been, it's not, listen, it's not my 40 year plan,
but currently I'm property manager,
which basically means I live on site.
Sure.
I collect the rent, I screen time.
Do you collect it or do people just drop it off at your door?
I collect it.
Well, I go and hammer on the doors.
Just because I like the feeling of it.
I like, so you coming a few days or a,
because normally like when I lived in an apartment, it was just
crack a dawn. Crack a dawn on the first of the month.
It's I like to startle people. I like to make sure that they understand the power level.
Hierarchy. Yeah. Okay. So crack a dawn. So crack a dawn.
Wrap on the door. Are people used to that now? I would imagine the second time that
happens to me, I know that you're going to be there, so I'll drop off my check. Sometimes people just kind of
scoot the envelope under the door if they're not into a face-to-face, um, entrepreneur, but
you know, it's one of the ways that I manage the power. Because you want to be on top. You're
the alpha in this. I am the alpha of the apartment complex. I'd say of my life.
That man, I'm getting that energy.
Thank you for being there.
I'm gonna keep being there.
B-D-E for while I'm over here.
Yeah, being there energy.
Being there energy, yes.
Also like your haircut is social with so many highlights.
And so asymmetrical.
And so asymmetrical.
And you got a damn power suit on so I feel like
This chick is a damn boss of wherever she's out. Well, I used to have long hair, but it caught fire
Oh my god, what happened I was making mozzarella sticks and
From scratch no not from scratch
You just put them in a pan and some grease and you turn it on and I wasn't paying attention
I was having a dart and some of it dropped down and it exploded and how a dart you say with a cigarette oh
I don't see this is the thing like I don't know what what dart means you don't know what the LBC me
I know what the LBC is I'm living in the LBC sure
Well, okay regardless. Yeah, so that's how the haircut came out.
I wear a power suit because that's how I like to represent myself wherever I'm going.
You're very imposing.
I have to say that.
Oh, are you insulting me?
Imposing is a compliment, I think.
I think that's a power.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, well thank you.
I don't know.
I'm trying to do many things with my life.
I'm not just settled at Captain Jack.
What else do you do?
Because I'm sorry, my producer gave me
said real estate business.
So I thought you were here to talk about that.
But.
No, I'm not here to talk about real estate.
Got my producer.
Especially with you, Robbie,
you weren't here to talk about your recent court case.
My producer has to be more specific with,
but what are you here to talk about?
It was a texting situation.
He's just texting now?
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
It's hard to miss.
You can easily misinterpret things via text messages.
Yeah, you don't get tone over text.
Yeah.
You gotta use the emojis.
Yeah.
It's a good point.
And when you text nowadays,
you have to put exclamation points on it now.
A lot of them.
A lot of them.
A lot of them.
Too dry or too angry?
Gen Z.
Like are you angry with me?
It's a Gen Z problem.
Yeah.
That's not me.
What generation are you by the way?
X.
You're X.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Formerly Twitter.
Hmm?
Nothing.
I'm not insulting you.
You'll know it.
Listen, let me tell you something.
When I was a child, my parents, they left me on my own.
Okay.
I went out. I left the house early in the morning,
I went to a swimming pool, I played with friends,
I played kamikaze bike rider,
and I made it home in one piece at night.
So it's hard for me to have a lot of respect
for what's going on today with people texting,
I'll be there in two minutes, I'm walking up,
I'm in front of the door, I don't like it.
You don't want that information because like,
I don't want that to get there with, but what if they're half hour late? I kind of like it. You don't want that information because like, I don't know if they're, I'll see.
What if they're half hour late? I kind of do want to know that.
Well, that's fine. That's a different thing than I walk.
It's someone who is attached to a cellular device, afraid to sit in a bar,
look around, take it in, maybe have a gold slugger with a stranger,
imbibe something new. Two straws.
Two straws. Two straws.
You tend to date a lot, is that what you're saying?
You just see what turns out, is it?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I like people who work in bars.
Really?
Yeah.
Like barbacs?
I love barbacs.
You know why?
Why?
Why?
Because it's the barbac who does the real dirty work.
Do you know about whacking bottles?
I don't.
And if you know about this, I think I do.
But it's like when you pick up bottles and they make a noise.
I don't think.
Cut.
Well, that's another kind of whacking bottles.
I'm talking about, same for him.
When you pick up bottles and they make a noise.
You know, you like whack them together.
You got too many.
You clink them together.
Yeah.
A whack a bunch of bottles.
Yeah.
I'm talking more about like industry.
No, please tell us. Okay. So if you watch a bar back, keep an eye on it. I'm talking more about like industry.
No, please tell us.
Okay, so if you watch a bar back, keep an eye on whatever bar you go to and whatever city,
keep an eye on the bar back, because say there's a bottle of absolute vodka, right?
Okay, they're usually is.
And they're pouring.
If it's a good bar.
Right, and they're pouring it out and they're charging what, you know, $10, $15.
I don't look at prices anymore, but I'll take your word for it.
Oh, good for you, Scott.
Good for you.
I'm at that level.
Great. Well, I see that.
It's obvious.
But then when the bottle's empty.
Although sometimes I'll get the check
and I'll be like, oh, it's fucking $40.
Yeah.
I break a fucking window.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, that's when I just leave.
I'm just paying for my own drink.
Right.
Splitting the check.
Very cool.
Exactly.
Well, anyway, so you finished the bottle of absolute. You're supposed to put it in a cycler move on with your life. was paying for my own drink. Right. Splitting the check, very cool. Exactly, yeah.
Well, anyway, so you finished the bottle of absolute,
you're supposed to put it in a cycler move on with your life.
But a good bar back will then fill it with schmiernaf.
You understand?
Oh, oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Put it right back on the shelf,
and then you're still charging $10, $15, but drink.
But you're getting well alcohol.
I'm a schmiernaf guy, though.
That's a good bar back.
Schmiernaf needs. Yeah. Schmierna not a guy though. That's a good bar back. Schmier not off neat. Yeah, Schmier not off neat. He did up
That's my drink
He did up. He did up a microwave 45 seconds nice warm vodka. 46. I've done too much. I'm not afraid of a tepid vodka
I mean, you know, that's not too bad, but hot vodka hot vodka. Well, you know warms the gullet
Mm-hmm if you have to sing you might think about it before wrapping bean dip.
So, are you juggling multiple barbacks right now,
or are you?
Not at the moment, I'm open.
You're open.
Yeah, if you have someone that you have in mind.
I don't know too many people in the service industry anymore.
I'm usually the upper echelons of that.
Oh, excuse me.
Excuse me.
Yeah, right.
I can tell.
So, Rhonda, yeah.
You're not where you want to be. What are your ultimate goals? Well, I okay.
Let me do you mind if I roll it back for a second. Sure. Let's fly it. Let's we're starting in media. Res. What's flashback?
Okay. I'm talking 10 years ago. Yeah. Okay. I was a lifeguard at the big square wave
full and possible roblas.
And I was dating a man who worked concessions.
His name was Edgar.
Particular type of concession or?
Individually portion nachos.
Yeah, I hate those big tubs that you have to buy
when you're in a group.
Yeah.
Yeah, I like that.
I just like that.
It's like a personal pan pizza.
I'll always go for that. It's easy to eat and it's not as messy and it's not cold in the center. Also that one, you know, when you're in a group. Yeah. I like that. I just like that. It's like a personal pan pizza. I'll always go for that.
It's easy to eat and it's not as messy
and it's not cold in the center.
Also that one, you know, when you're there
with a big group of friends, they go,
let's order the big nacho and it's just one giant chip
with a big thing.
Yeah, it's disgusting.
It's gross.
Yeah.
I hate that.
Thank you.
Good for him.
Yeah.
Edgar was doing great.
We trauma bonded.
We immediately fell in love.
Trauma bonded. What trauma were you sharing?
Well, I mean that, you know, we both had lost sweepstakes that we really were hoping to
win. Oh, so sorry.
Fell in hard love. A few months in, Edgar started hearing voices from the television set.
And I knew that was no bueno. And I knew I was the television on.
Yeah, but he was hearing voices telling him to do things like government related.
Oh, okay.
And he was watching January 6th coverage.
Well, that's what I wanted.
Was he watching government shows?
No, he was not.
He was watching soap operas.
So poppers.
Yeah.
So I knew I had to get him to a healer.
So I knew I had to get him to a healer. So I took Edgar, I sold 23 pints of our blood combined
and got us some tickets.
They usually don't want you to do that,
combine the blood.
Right, well I had to do this on the slide
with a guy named Morris, I knew at a local hospital.
Okay, got it.
So did that whack the blood?
Yep, whack the blood, collect enough money,
it got a couple tickets down to the...
It's a good song title, by the way, being dead.
The other shit.
Yeah.
If you wanna.
No, no, no, just for a future episode.
Okay, we'll loop back around.
Okay, exactly, yeah.
Okay, okay.
And got us a couple of Amtrak tickets down to
the Yucatan Peninsula from there.
We jumped on the top of a train
and rode that down to Nicaragua in Central America.
My word.
Did a couple flying Dutchmans off the top of the train and landed,
found ourselves in the middle of a commune, did a shit ton of ayahuasca,
fell in with what we thought was a very cool crowd, but turned out to be a cartel.
Okay, wow.
And ayahuasca cartel.
Right.
Wow. Usually they don't like to do ayahuasca because they want to be on top of the cartel business.
Well, the cartel was running the commune, but I didn't realize that when I entered the
commune, I was just concerned with getting Edgar some people.
You didn't read the fine print.
Right.
Well, they didn't give us a contract.
Oh, okay.
It's more like a hand.
It's a hand-tick deal.
It's a gentleman's agreement.
Yeah, okay.
And speaking of, you know, I was there for a few weeks.
Edgar's still hearing voices. And it started to be a drag just to be honest. Yeah. Like there's only so much I'll
help someone. Sure. So you'll jump off in a train. Well, that's fun. Yeah, that's that's fun
because I like adventure. Sure. Yeah. You know, of course. So I made a gentleman's agreement with
the cartel that I could leave with my life. if I just bodybagged some cocaine back up to the United States.
Is bodybagger cocaine mean to shove up the butthole?
It can mean shoving it up the butthole,
but I had-
If you're lucky.
No, probably if you're unlucky.
I had 52 small bags of cocaine.
I did get it for you.
Like, takes your body or?
No, I swallowed them.
52 bags, yes. 52 bags.
52 small bags.
You have to make sure.
Yeah, you, and it's kind of dicey because there's only so much time.
I had to fly.
And those bags will dissolve.
Yeah, they'll dissolve and give you aphib.
Right.
You know, they can impact your, your internal organs.
Right.
But I made it.
You made it.
I had to deliver.
Well, yeah, you see me here, right?
I guess I do.
Yeah, you're not in that position.
Yeah, I made it.
So I was told to find this woman named Linda
living in the LBC.
She was,
Had you passed the bags at this point
because is that the first thing you do
when you get off the plane?
Yeah, you have to get to a public bathroom.
You have to pass the bags.
I got them to where I was supposed.
I don't remember what I was talking about.
What?
I don't know.
We were talking about 10 years ago.
A lot of long.
It's actually.
I kind of asked you what you wanted to do with your life.
And then, uh, oh, got it.
Right.
But the short time I was in Nicaragua, I bought a go-kart, um, business.
A whole business. Like a track.
Okay, that's in Nicaragua.
And I loved it.
Wow.
But it's hard to make good money in the go-kart business
because people only do one loop and they're done.
Right, yeah, and I can imagine sometimes they'll just drive away.
Well, it's an enclosed track, Scott.
I jump it.
I'd be like,
BOO!
And just jump the track.
I'd look self-hucking cool.
Dary.
Yeah.
I mean, that's just me.
I didn't consider that.
I didn't consider that risk, but that's a good point
that people could just drive a go-car.
If you're cool, you do it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, anyway, I'd love to get back down there.
I'd love to run the go-car business.
I would love that for you.
Thank you.
Because right now, you're trapped in Captain Jack's
apartment complex, right?
So, I'm making a living, but I wouldn't call it a career.
I wouldn't call it a dream.
Well, I hope you get there.
I mean, thank you so much.
I just thought that maybe today,
maybe it would reach the right person,
and maybe I could start making some.
I hope that somewhere out there there's someone in Nicaragua, although I don't like to name places.
I hope someone out there has heard your plea and we will extend a lifeline to you somehow. I don't know whether that be a plane ticket or go fund me or you've been spending a lot of time bragging about how high up you are in life.
I mean, maybe you could do it.
Well, you know, you don't make this kind of money and you don't get to keep it if you give it away
all the time. So, unfortunately, the lines of communication between us have closed down regarding that.
Oh, oh, well, how far we do it? Let's just manifest this right now. If you have, if this is a real business for you,
you have a successful go-kart business in Nicaragua.
What is it called?
What is the slogan?
Yes.
And what does the logo look like?
And would you like being dipped to come up with a commercial jingle?
You know what?
I mean, I can recognize a master when I see one.
So, well, so far it's just called go, go, go.
I love it.
I love this.
Thank you.
That's what I was thinking.
It's a verb.
There's too many adjectives and nouns.
It's a verb.
Yeah.
Someone is doing nouns these days.
Have you noticed that?
They come up with nouns.
Oh, it's disgusting.
It's like, come on guys.
I think we've named everything by now.
Yeah. Yeah. You know like once once they came up with vlog it's like yeah video log I get it. Yeah we get it.
Like that's the cutoff. Yeah we're over it. I'm tired of people identifying things. I'd like people to do
fucking something. Thank you verb not noun. Yeah. All right go go go go, go, go, go, go, go, great. And what's the picture?
What's the logo?
It's a picture of me and my power suit.
Great.
Behind the wheel of one of the go cars.
Dang, okay.
Okay, and what's the catch phrase?
In it to win it.
This is great to me, Scott.
This is good.
It's commercial.
Rod is in the car.
It's coming around the corner.
Don't do that, don't do that.
Don't do that, don't do that.
Don't do that, don't do that.
Go, go, go.
Come on, baby.
Now, go, go, go.
Do you want me to show you everything I got?
I got speed, baby.
I got speed.
I got know how.
I got hands on this.
I got bread in this. I got everything you need, baby. Hey, hey, hey, I say know how, I got hand some notes, I got bread and it's like everything
you need, baby, hey, hey, I say go, go, go, come on all the way.
Pretty good. You didn't fit any pussy in there.
It's a national remarkable.
Yeah.
If it was local, maybe you could have fitted in it.
Maybe local. This is national.
Yeah. And they get it.
My pictures on the logo.
They understand what's implied about the go.
I understand. I understand. All right. Well, look, that's a wonderful
song. I hope you take that and turn your life around. We have to take a break.
When we come back, we have we have an actor. We finally have someone in show
business. Oh, thank God podcasts. When you don't have someone in show business on
them, there's such a drag. No offense, but, I'm taken.
But, you know, I mean, these shows like smart lists
and all that, sometimes I'll have a scientist on.
It's like, shut the fuck up.
Pass.
Pass, get me someone in show business.
When we come back, we're gonna have more Robbie Delmuda,
more Diana Bermuda, more bean dip,
and more Rhonda Burtucci, plus RJ Dudley
is gonna be here.
No, this sounds made up, does it, right?
No, this is incredible.
We're gonna be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Fush-tam-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am That was nice and festive. It's good. The holidays are coming up. I've tried to help you have a great time.
Yeah, I mean, it's not on your head,
but I appreciate just the festive nature.
Yeah, because then I put on my elbow,
and then I could do chicken arms, I go,
ha ha, he has a hat, wave an etch.
Yeah, okay, I get it.
Yeah, that's cool.
We also have Robbie DelMooda's here, of course,
and you were on the phone the entire break
Just we were you talking to your dad what I was talking my dad. I was pleading with him to drop the case
All right, I've got I've got a test tomorrow
It's it's math and I'm struggling with the number Scott. We're doing long division. Here's what you do
Take your
Degree oh, yeah to your elementary school and go, I've already graduated. Scott. Oh my god.
This is why I was such good friends. All right. I don't know that. Dolen out. Dolen out. Bits
announced to each other. All right. You give me a little nugget. I give you a little nugget.
I've never received anything from you. Yeah, but other than maybe the definition of a take five.
Okay. Well, that now you could take that straight to the bank
I don't think they'll accept that as currency, but I appreciate it. Okay. Well, you could take a hundred grand
Okay, again, you're talking about a candy bar. I know that one. Okay
With all these money themed candy bars is like no, I pay you money and then you give me candy. Yeah, pay they like the transaction is pretty simple
Pay they on the grand. Yeah, uh
Hershey's.
Hershey's.
Hershey's.
It's like, hey, come on.
Enough with the pronouns.
Yeah, I'm telling you.
The pronouns bio.
Yeah.
You imagine there's Twitter account.
Pronance, Hershey.
Okay, never mind.
Okay.
We have to, oh, also, of course,
round of Bertutee is here. Wonderful to have you on.
Thanks.
We need to get to our next guest.
Please welcome, he's an actor.
Please welcome RJ Dudley. Hi, RJ.
It's a nice to be here.
Really nice to be here.
It's so wonderful to have you, RJ.
We're an actor.
Yes, of course.
Tell us about the acting game.
Obviously, Sag just... Drank done. You're an actor. Yes, of course. Yeah. Tell us about the acting game. Obviously sag just
Stuck done ratified with a full 30% of the sag membership voting. That's a record. It's very
exciting stuff. I must say and what a mandate. I believe 79% voted yes. A huge turnout. Massive.
32.8% of the voter base. Wow, amazing. Yeah. Union strong, baby.
Union strong.
Union strong.
Great to have you, Arches.
I got to say, you know, I'm a little anxious being here,
but it does feel nice.
What are you anxious about?
To be honest, I didn't look up your IMDB,
so I don't know what I've seen you.
And you look familiar, though.
What, what, what, what?
Well, I've been in a ton of, I've been in a ton of stuff. Yeah. I've been in a ton of I've been in a ton of
stuff. Yeah. I've been in a ton of stuff. I've been acting 10s out 10 years long. 10 years
old really. Yeah. How did you get into it? My mom my mom sent me my mom sent me to several
auditions. And then I was actually I was actually discovered in a laser tank. You were
discovered in a in a laser-tack building or in a game of laser-tack. In a game or laser
-tack. Well technically it took place in a laser-tack building or in a game of laser-tack. In a game of laser-tack? Well, technically it took place in a laser-tank building.
Right.
I was gaming with my buds and I was hitting the mega coin up top, you know, 10 points.
Yeah.
And you have to do that to win, I think.
Yes, you do.
You have to hit the mega top.
And somebody said, you got to look, kid.
You got a really nice look.
This is a gentleman or a lady, an adult who was in the...
It was a man. It was a man.
It was a man.
And was he just kind of there by himself?
He was scouting.
He was scouting.
Sure he was.
He was wearing leather jacket.
It seems like no undershirt.
No, no undershirt.
What about a top shirt over the no undershirt?
That would be the leather jacket.
Oh, okay.
So just purely leather jacket and then bear to the chest.
And he said, take my card. Give me a call. My mom gave him a call and let's just say the rest. Oh, okay. So just purely leather jacket and then bear to the chest. And he said, take my card. Give me a call.
My mom gave them a call. And let's just say the rest was history.
Was he disappointed that your mom gave the call or it was easier?
It was easier. I didn't really understand.
I used the phone question. Oh, you know how to use it now.
Of course. Of course. They prove it. Make a call. Okay.
Hello. Yeah. Can I get a meatball sub?
cancel the order. He knows how to do it. He did it.
cancel the order. Yeah, I just wanted to prove that I could very room. By the way,
you could have you could have like they started making it. You could have called the time.
You could have I mean, just the call the time. I don't mean more today.
Just the all the time. I don't mean more is day
All right, I know you proved you know how to use the yes, thank you challenge acceptance
So tell me what are you cuz you look so wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute
I've been thinking the same thing. I know your fart sack
Yeah, yeah, I'm most other things amongst a cow of many other things. You're from from a normal norm.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes, it's me.
It's fart sack.
Hi.
Oh, my God.
I used to watch that every week.
I was hoping maybe you didn't recognize me.
I was hoping maybe you'd recognize me.
Maybe some other work, but yes, I'm.
No, I'm fart sack.
And everybody knows me.
I was wondering what happened to you.
I took a bit of a sabbatical.
I mean, I'll be honest with you, Scott.
The line light ate me alive.
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry that can happen to children in this business.
You know, and I throw it last my day, Scott.
I was far back, no matter where I would go.
No matter how far away from the show,
I couldn't escape my fart snack.
And then of course everybody's saying my catchphrase to me wherever I go.
Of course.
What?
I'm a piece of shit.
I love it.
And it was so refreshing to hear that on network television.
Well, you know, it was, it paved a lot of ways.
Yeah, it was like at the end of the course.
Outpark and my TV.
Well, they did that belief in the part.
The belief was so far.
And I'm a man.
Oh man.
So the first season of normal norm, they did believe anytime I said shit, but you would
say it so long that they could only afford like a three second belief and you would
say it for first.
You'd hear that.
And you'd hear the SH because you would just say it.
So it.
So we all knew what you're talking about.
And then by the second season, they the second season they lifted the band.
They were selling the t-shirts and everyone was like,
this is our money maker right here.
This is our cash.
I mean, I was supposed to be a minor character in the show, right?
I was just playing the next door neighbor to the norm.
Right, yeah.
And then I got to say they were so boring.
Yeah.
I think that was sort of the point of the show.
How does a normal American family exist in normal America?
Right, and then pretty quickly you come over and you're just a piece of shit
Yeah, you know, look they just absolutely humiliating disgusting things on the show
Right like what I was constantly covered in gunk
There was the one episode where everybody had to take care of an egg for school
And I got a yak patty right yeah I just saw that episode
I'm just going through it now. Oh, you're a fan cool huge. Yeah, I read you remember that time in the episode when you cut your own hair
Yeah, and I cut it with shit scissors
Shit
So funny I used to love this you know, I'd be constantly covered
There's that one episode where I robbed a bank covered in pudding. Yeah, so funny. I used to love this. You know, I'd be constantly covered.
There was that one episode where I robbed a bank covered
in pudding.
Yeah, Rhonda, what's your favorite episode?
We've all been talking about our favorite episodes.
You obviously remember these.
Oh, yeah.
I remember it really well.
I liked the episode that actually you took part.
You were in a toilet for the entire episode.
Yeah, they shrunk you down.
It was like, you went into a microwave
and instead of like heating you up at shrunk you down. Yeah, and I had to I had to I had to fish my own shit out of
the sewer pipes because I swallowed a diamond. Right. That's oh my god. It's weird honey. I shrunk the
kids who's so popular. And then yeah, it was a bit of a bite. And then you were riding the
shit sort of like Dr. Strange love. Exactly. Like Dr. Strange. It's actually my pitch that it looked
just like Dr. Strange. It was a shot pitch that it looked just like Dr. Strange.
It was a shot for shot remake too, for a while,
but we shouldn't say it in a book.
I'm a big fan of the masters, Kubrick.
That's why I was so frustrating
when I couldn't step outside of the shadow of the show.
Yeah, I can imagine.
But you're so good.
It's iconic.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
I appreciate that.
I mean, the character is the iconic characters on TV.
Fonzie, you.
Fonzie, Faw, sack or call yeah, LeVern
Seville surely I was so popular that several kids were sent to the pop were sent to the hospital because they were trying to fart so hard that they rub their
Sack. Yeah, that was what you would do. Yeah, there's a sacked dish. Yeah, right. Yeah, is that how you got the role?
Yeah, is that I got the role because I look like a Funko pop. Oh, right. Yeah, is that how you got the role? Yeah, is that I got the role because I look like a funco pop
Oh, right. I forgot I have a small Bonnie and a gigantic head, which is ideal for child actors in a nightmare for adults
Yeah, sure Jonathan Lipnicki. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
All those blonde toe heads
Rick Schroeder
He was rickie back when he was you know gigantic head and unfortunately my head is still pretty large
It is it's like I would if I'm estimating it you know those tubes
We need to you go through TSA and you have to go in the tube. Yeah hold your arm about fit my head in no
Too wide too big that's the thing your head is the size is twice your body
But it's also wider than a normal head. Yeah, it's pretty it's pretty obscure right? Yeah
It's huge. It's huge. I'm gonna be brain though
You do yeah, yeah, yeah, so what what have you been doing since I'm I'm actually coming out of a sabbatical in
2016 I lost my fucking mind at my wedding when my aficion accidentally called me fart sack instead of RJ
Oh, man. Yeah, it was a beautiful day ruined by one moment, you know, and I just I said if you're coming
in my waiting, don't call me back.
Yeah, don't say any of my catchphrases.
I shitted it.
You're a peep.
What?
I'm a piece of shit.
I shitted it.
It's so tempting though.
They're such iconic.
But I'm somebody beyond that.
I get you know, I get it.
You're a real person, but you're also, you've lived in our memories
for so long as Fartseck.
I understand.
So in 2016, I lost my mind after my wedding crumbled
and I did you go, end up in an institution?
No, I tried to run.
I tried to run into the places of the obscure.
I found myself at the Angerwatt Temple.
I thought no one would possibly be able to remember me
in Cambodia and as soon as I stepped off the plane
Fartack it's so nice to see you it must have been translated in so many different languages and syndicate it all over the world
It got so intense that I I had to locate off world
You went oh you didn't go to another dimension to go to a parallel. I went to a parallel earth
Oh
I know what this place is called. It's a beautiful place
Nobody knew me over there Scott. No one knows anything over there
I've heard about this kushka. Hope you a place. It's a beautiful place. I don't want to hear anything about it
I know about it. Mostly everything's good, but not everything
Mostly everything's good, but not everything. Anyway, nobody knew me as part of that.
You pushed over.
So you're over at Cousteauby along with who are some of the people you met over there?
Mr. Tooth, the Supercomputer, Smarty Motors, that go all over.
Gripped head, please.
The Green Power Ranger.
Yeah, the Extended Cousteauby Universe, I understand.
At least the killer over there, you know, character.
Okay, I guess I didn't see you coming. Okay, so you know, you reset.
I reset and I'm willing to accept that a huge part of me is Fart Thack. Great. And I
wanted to re-re-come back to earth fresh, new, accepting of my past. Okay. And excited for my future.
And I have a pretty big audition, it's gone.
Oh, great.
Oh, great.
What is it, dude?
Strike's done.
Strike's done.
We can audition again, baby.
We can not get those roles that we were actively not taking.
I can call my friends and say, can you help me with this?
It's up to you.
Yeah.
Please come over.
So what is the audition for?
It's to be a new voice of headspace, yeah.
The app headspace.
The meditation app headspace.
Wow. I love this.
I'll listen to it every day for one meditate.
Who do you listen to? Cause celebrities do a...
Headspace is more like one kind of like,
British guy and then another woman named Eve.
I usually go for Eve.
You like Eve?
Uh-huh.
Okay.
The guy's good, but Andy.
Andy's good.
Andy's good.
But Eve is a little more relaxed before me.
Okay, great.
Well, what's the copy that you have to read?
I mean, I would.
Yeah, I'm, do you want to try it out on us?
Good, I can just take a little test room.
Sure, do you mind notes or do you just want us to say,
oh, wow, that was great.
I'm a real honest.
Because I'm brutally honest. I love that's got
I've worked with some of the hardest directors in this in this town. Okay, like who?
Kubrick. I mean, you did a parody of
Dr. Strangelove where you were writing on shit. That doesn't mean you worked with
Ten Gentially. Yes, you were adjacent to him, but okay. Anyway, I've worked with Steve Pink
Yeah, so you were adjacent to him, but okay, anyway, I've worked with Steve Pink
So you in the gross point blank or hot tub time machine. I was not that time machine. What'd you play? Fartsack. Oh, that's right. Oh, that cameo. I loved it cameo
Yeah, most of my movies that I've done post have been far too
Have started like okay, so the first movie that I did after normal norm was called
have started like okay so the first movie that I did after normal norm was called
Off the Lee terrible and it was a young teen comedy with a lot of riffing in it Right a lot of improv and they pulled me in to be a new funny sort of nerdy character named McNasti
Right and as soon as I showed up on set
Nobody could call me McNasti, right? They're going okay. We got far to that. He's coming in flying
And flying parts that man and then they changed the characters name to far back and that's been following me through multiple indie movies
Through guest star spots on television. Hey
You were never sort of banned the brothers right?
As far as
I said they were all dirty and I popped my head out like a mortal combat character. I said, I shit it.
Yeah, that's man. I was going to say that.
They illustrated the horrors of war though.
They did, but they should have made him say I should.
Yeah.
I'm sorry. Anyway, so what is the copy?
Do you want to do you want to?
Nothing more distracting than work, right?
It's kind of high.
Exactly.
Here we go. This is your audition. Yeah for to be the new
voiceover person for head that is a loud sip
I don't what is that in his class is a strange color. It smells like hot vodka
Yeah, I know that smell. I'm getting loose a little bit. Okay. Come on. I told you I was nervous. All right. Here we go.
Hello, I
Love an advertisement the starts with hello, by the way, because I don't think enough ads do that
It's like all of a sudden they just start and you're like, oh, where am I these things are short enough
They're like 30 seconds sometimes and it's like I don't have time to acclimate
So it's good. These start with hello. I love this
Hello and welcome to Headspace.
Take a deep breath in through the mouth, in, through the nose.
Okay, so this is to be the, this is not for advertisements for Headspace.
This is to be the actual, I'm gonna be the, be you're like the new I'm the new voice of headspace
I'm very into this so far, you know, and I look I have the most recognizable voice on the planet. You do
I mean it's very odd so I have to I have to get disguised. I'm running I'm constantly running away from myself
Okay, I gotta admit something. Yeah, if I download headspace, then I look down and I see you, you're the new voice of
headspin. I kind of want you to do the Fartseck thing. Nobody's going to be able to relax with all
of my classic catch phrases. They're too discussed. Try it. I hate his Fartseck like because I imagine
they're going to. I don't want to do that Scott. And I think that's really going across the line.
I think you're on good face Scott. I think the auditioner is going to request this in the room and
you have to be prepared for it. RJ sit down.
You know what the guy said?
He said the notes were gonna be harsh and real
and I, you appreciate it.
And I said that I was gonna accept it
and I fucking couldn't.
I could.
This is part of your problem.
Oh, you were so hard.
I mean, how much money did you make as far as I can?
Terrible cash.
At the time, my mother was my agent
and she was making absolutely her end of the deal.
I have no pretty much no money to show for it.
Okay, so she has all the money?
No, there is just no cash.
She took an absolutely terrible deal.
She signed you up to do this show for no money.
She said, my boy's not about the cash.
For the love.
For the love.
No.
Terrible.
So I made pretty much no money.
Wow.
Pretty much no money. Oh, Jay. What is? Thank you for calling me that by the art. No. Terrible. So I made pretty much no money. Wow. Pretty much no money. RJ. What is?
Thank you for calling me that. But anyway, yes. I want to do you some respects.
What if you do these health face auditions? And just if you tell them, Hey,
give me about 45, 55, 65,000 more dollars. I'll say one of the catch phrases in
the meditation. Yeah. Make a while. The sun shines. My boy. Do you think
people? You all right there? All he would so you want me to put the
fart-type filter on your voice? No, stop. Stop it. Stop. I just am not
willing to accept that part of me right now. Okay. Sure, I could, you know, there's money on the table.
Yeah.
I'm not plus.
Netflix.
Oh, Hulu.
The app with Showtime.
Absolutely.
You'll figure it out when it's on your app.
Sure, the shutter edition button.
Fia Hulu.
Tell it a little crunchy roll.
Oh my God.
Absolutely productions now coupled with UCB theaters so many wonderful avenues to explore entertainment nowadays
I know and there's no contraction going on
No, and these guys they're asking big bucks much more than 60 to 50,000. Yeah, of course, but look fart tech
You're gonna you were born fart tech. You're gonna die fart. I was born RJ Dudley
Ryan Johnston Dudley Dudley You were born Fartsack, you're gonna die Fartsack. I was born RJ Dougly. Ryan Johnson.
Dougly.
Dougly.
Yep.
You said it.
And you didn't.
You're okay.
Okay.
My opinion is, you've done wonderful things for the world.
We've, all of us have loved your adventures over the years.
Yeah.
They're the bomb that soothes the soul.
Why run away from that?
You know guys, I think you're right.
I'm coming from this place where I thought I've done,
I've done everything that Halley would have to offer
that it's, bit me up and shoot me out.
Yeah.
I've been to Sundance.
I've been to South myself. It's all. Yeah, I've been to Sundance. I've been to South myself.
Well, good thing. I've been to Tith. I've been bullied by TJ Miller. Every bit of Hollywood is
checked every box. But maybe if I really brace who I am, they're more in Hollywood to see.
So let's give it a go. Let's give it a go. Let's do it. Do the, do the, do the Fartseck boys for the, for your audition? Let's hear it.
Okay.
And throw in at least two of your catchphrases.
Okay.
If I'm clicking on the app, I want to hear.
65,000 each every time.
Every single time.
Hello.
I shitted.
Now, let's take a D.
Breath in through the nose.
You smell that stink.
That's me.
Me so stinky.
You spit three of your cats' phrases out.
And out through the mouth.
And remember, pissing is shitting through your dickhole.
Oh my God, you got them all in there.
I can't boat see, this is why you're gonna be making
the huge, huge dollar.
Wow, I have chills.
And you guys think that that's good
and everybody's gonna like get it.
I'm sorry.
Just wasn't you guys needing to hear my catchphrases?
Go away in the room.
What do you think, Rhonda?
It's head space, I'm sorry.
I'm a little behind.
It's head space, a meditation app. I'm a little behind. It's head space, a meditation app.
Absolutely.
That's why.
Oh, there we go.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Partner with UCB.
It's exciting.
I think that would be soothing.
It's so good.
It's so good.
You know, I don't know.
I'm just still tripped up by the fact you keep talking
about how Holly would chew you up and spit you out.
You know, I had to go to Kish Top.
Yeah.
It sounds like you had an incredibly successful career. When I think of people saying that Hollywood chewed them up, it's like people
who move out here and live on a futon and have to go crawling back home to the Appalachians.
Like you made it. I think you know, I know how to answer that. Is that a dog can chew a
bone in more than one way? Yeah. That's a great way to answer that. Look, I don't want
to say this in front of them, but it's probably the child star.
Well, he probably got molested and got hooked all dry.
It's got with a leather jacket with no shirt.
It seems.
Yeah, come on.
Yeah, that was questionable.
So you were on sabbatical for seven years.
I mean, just don't be anything can happen.
Time moves differently there from what I understand.
Yeah, it's a little bit of a different time or situation.
Yeah.
And no KIT with the person you were supposed to marry
because you said this was your wedding.
I left Tara Reed on the altar.
As soon as Tara Reed.
Oh, shit.
Never mind.
Now I understand.
Now I get all right.
She didn't go to Kustoffie with you.
I didn't let her get in the portal.
So she wanted to go in the portal.
She said, I still love you.
I don't want to hear details about Kustoffie.
I'm sorry.
What do you don't like to hear about places? I almost got you. Places in general, I still love you. I don't want to hear details about Kustopia. I'm sorry. I don't like to hear about places. I almost got you places in general. I'm
a Scotia. I'm okay with Kustopia. This is where we draw the line. Look, RJ, thank you for the confidence.
I think you go in there with this and you are going to blow them away. You're going to land this
gig and strikes over. Strike them all pants are off. We can do anything, strikes done right before Christmas.
Perfect timing.
You know, it's not like the industry doesn't shut down
until Thundance is over anyway, do you know?
All right guys, well, we are running out of time.
And I apologize for that, but it does look like we only
have time for one final feature on the show.
And that is, of course course a little something called plugs.
2, 3, 4. Well, another tried to find a song. And a reason they stopped doing drugs.
Plants nailed it. I love it nice and short 18 seconds. I know we say you can do up to a minute.
Never one always does it 58.59. 18 is the perfect amount. Thank you so much.
That was one take a jake by Vav. Thank you so much to Vav. Guys, what are we
plugging here? Bean Diff. Do you have something to plug? Obviously you have so
much going on every year and the holidays are right around the corner.
I think probably I'll just tell people,
maybe I'll tell them to watch a show that a friend of mine is on.
Who's this now, and what show?
Tell us all the details.
Who will wear, why, when, and now?
Well, go on Max.
If you go have a TV that has the buttons inside. Yeah, they go on max and watch a show called
I don't know the Rochester's just sounds. Oh, okay. Yeah, I see that show. Yeah, my friends all that which was your friend my friend's time is
Edie. She's she plays the sister Judy. Oh, I know her she's deranged
Yeah, I learned I'm not going to be great with you. Yeah
Um, and you can catch up on all three seasons of that. Yeah, you could catch all three seasons of that if you have the, it's a blue button on your TV.
Yeah. If you, if you reach the green button, you've gone too far.
Yeah, you've gone too far. You're about to get some kind of, you're about to go into some kind of button.
Where's, uh, where it's like, who's to be show you a panel with UCB or whatever y'all will say.
I'm Robbie Del Moodo.
What do you want to play?
Scott, first off, feel free to join my at the trial of the century.
Which century?
The next one.
The next one is twice.
Do you think it's going to take that long?
Hopefully.
I think the next century's trial is going to be boring and this one's going to dominate
it. We're still going gonna be talking about it. Yeah, and also if you want you can watch a couple little shows called Frazier
I'm paying my plus and you could also check out for all mankind on Apple TV
Just generally Frazier generally the latest season
Yeah, just Frazier the new or the old one
Honestly, whichever they're all good. He's great. It does who gets a shit.
Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god. I can't believe I saw that.
And I know I can't believe I saw that.
You're going to be in trouble, young man.
Yes. Just your parents.
Don't scout with close friends. Very close friends.
And Diana Bermuda, what do you want to plug?
Does I would say like everyone be kind to each other.
For Christmas. Kindness.
But does everyone please be kind to each other? And like Kindness, plugging kindness. But does everyone please be kind to each other
and let people wear what everything women wear?
Exactly.
Does, yeah, call myself on it
if you feel like making a show
where someone's got a real point of view.
In two weeks, by the way, by the time the hot,
I mean, two weeks, you've given yourself a deadline
right over the holiday.
Yeah, it's probably going to be set up by exactly in Christmas day.
Okay, great.
I expect to see you on my TV set on Christmas Day.
Bravo, hopefully.
Yeah, Bravo.
Yeah.
I love that the title of their network because it's like everything they put on is just like
Bravo. Everything's clapping.
Yeah.
So good.
And Rhonda Bertucci, what do you want to plug here?
I guess I'd like to plug.
We have a studio and two one bedrooms open at Captain Jack's
and I'm going to say, run in these days.
What is rent these days?
Rent for a studio apartment is $8.50.
Seems low or high.
I don't know.
Oh, that seems low.
That's great.
Well, the LBC.
People are telling me it's low. Yeah.
It's current coalition price.
It's a little bit more for one bedroom, but I'm willing to negotiate.
It's in the LBC as well.
Yes, in the LBC.
Part of the coalition, I also recommend you watch old phrasia episodes.
Yeah, the older the better.
And maybe a film called Maggie Moors that I think you can watch on Netflix.
Somewhere streaming. Maggie Moors. Yes. Moor E. Apustrifice. Maybe a film called Maggie Moore's that I think you can watch on Netflix somewhere streaming Maggie Moore's yes
Moor E apostrophe S
Just S as in two Maggie Moore's to Maggie Moore's so this is a twins kind of movie kind of yeah
Okay, I think I'm like a girl that she had a fist fight with is in it. Yeah, I girl you had a fist fight
I'm gonna throw her a bone by plugging that phone.
Oh, interesting.
All right.
And RJ Dudley, what do you wanna plug?
Well, first of all, I'd like to tell these young kids,
stay out of Hollywood as long as you can,
or can't avoid some other jackets, okay?
But not as long as you go past the two week deadline.
Yeah.
Cause I'll have to rescind the diploma if you go past that.
But stay out as long as you can before that.
Okay.
So maybe 10 days, 11 days? Yeah, that'd be nice. Okay. And just be say out as long as you can before that. So maybe 10 days, 11 days?
Yeah, that'd be nice.
Okay.
Be kids for as long as you can.
Okay.
Because they're gonna take it away from you.
Yeah.
Anyways, plugs.
Yeah, you can listen to Kostopian comedy.
I know you can.
No, you can't.
No, you can't.
And you can listen to Expo Exposay by comedian Jacob
Ysaki on your will presents.
And if you're into live comedy, you can see Yeti perform at UCB in the Elysian Theater
and every Wednesday, me and the attorney perform
at the Lyric Hyperion under a team called Planet Lear.
So check that out.
Okay, interesting.
Well, look, I wanna plug our,
the best of's are right around the corner.
If you wanna vote for the best of's,
head over to comedybangbangworld.com slash vote
or cbbworld.com slash vote or CBB world.com slash vote and pick your
10 best episodes. And that way your voice is heard. The best of us are in just two weeks,
but next week we have our big holiday episode. And hey, while you're over there at CBB
world, we have so many great shows, not Kustopian necessarily, but we have shows like
Entry P. Newer's Entry P. Newer tour. And this book saved my life in Hey Randy,
and so many great shows over there.
The neighborhood listened just moved over there,
which is a big acquisition.
So head over to CBB World,
and you can hear all of the previous episodes
of Comedy Bang Bang as well as the current episodes
I had free, so much stuff over there.
All right, let's close up the old plug bag.
We are gonna do this.
Yes. Let's close up the old plug bag! We are gonna do this. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man.
I'm not a man. It's not a minute, though.
Thank you to Pluggie Goes to Hollywood. No, sorry. Thank you to Alison Kramer-Koon for making Pluggie Goes to Hollywood. Thank you, Alison, and wonderful to have you famous for a week and only a week.
And, boy, the next week is the last time we get to hear that song.
We're going to record a new one in the new year. Boys, I always hate to see these things go,
but love to watch them leave.
Speaking of which, I'm gonna watch our guests leave here.
Being tip always great to have you on the show.
Come back, please in the new year.
I'd love to see Scott go.
I'd like to see you, Ryan.
Yeah, great to see you, man.
And Robbie DelMood, a good luck with this,
you know, vampire nightcourt and everything there are in.
But congratulations.
I expect to turn on my TV's with you here in Deanna
on Christmas Day and see whatever you've cooked up.
It's gonna sure our relationship through 2024 and beyond.
That's sure.
Okay, great.
And, hey, Rhonda Burtucci,
a festive tidings to you.
Keep in touch.
Sure, yeah, that's what KIT stands for.
Great.
Of course.
And KITT obviously is of course a talking car and RJ
Good luck buddy. I'm pulling. Shit. What are you talking about my blood?
I love that we love Fartsack Fartsack. Love you come back anytime
and
We'll see you next week's a big holiday show. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye