Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Hannah Einbinder, Bobby Moynihan, Lisa Gilroy

Episode Date: April 29, 2024

Comedian and actor Hannah Einbinder joins Scott to talk about the new third season of Hacks, her first stand-up comedy special Everything Must Go coming soon to Max, and hibernation. Then, masked vigilante The Batmin returns to talk about what he does in his downtime. Plus, God stops by to talk about new rules for heaven.

Comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, cometi bang bang. Robble, robble, toil and double Quarter Pounder with cheese. Welcome to Comedy... I can't even say my show, Comedy Bang Bang. I was so proud I got through that tongue twister of a catchphrase that I couldn't say my own show name.

Oh well. Thanks to Ronald Bigbeth for that catchphrase submission and thank you Reggie Watts for the theme. We'll see you later. Thanks so much for coming to do the theme for us. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. This is very exciting. A little bit later, we have a vigilante on the show. That'll be, I guess, a vigilante crime fighter of sorts. We also have a deity will be on the show. So that's very exciting. I don't know whether our first guest is as exciting as those two things. Have you ever fought crime? Only internally, only inside, only against the demons within.

So meaning that you have made the choice not to sin? Well, I didn't say that. Oh, okay. So you are not without blame. No. In the eyes of the Lord. Oh, who is? This is exciting. She is a member of the exclusive two timers club here on Comedy Bang Bang.

We've established if you're in the one timers club, your career is doing really well because you got so famous that you never came back. Ah! But her career is doing great because she has the third season of her HB. Is it HBO Max just that or has it crossed over to HBO now as well? The show. Who knows at this point?

But Hacks, the third season of Hacks will be coming back on May 2nd. And she also has a standup special coming to Max HBO. Oh, I guess it's just Max now. Yeah. Named after a Max Edelman's, no. Yeah, just some guy on the lacrosse team. They're like, it's called HBO, but can we just name it something that feels like a guy

who's good with a stick, please. One stick. Can we have them have one stick? Can we have stick branding? Yeah, stick. One stick. Can we have them have one stick? Can we have stick branding? Yeah, stick and net branding. Yeah. Can we just put like lacrosse paraphernalia on every, you know, little tile on the app? Yeah. Can we add two sticks crossing to the Max logo, please, and have a number, his number? Sure. Just that. That's all we want. Her standup special is called Everything Must Go

and it's gonna be on Max, this is very exciting. Please welcome back to the show Hannah Einbinder. Hello. Hello. Good to see you. It's good to see you again. What's been up? So much, it's been probably, I think you were here in the middle of season one. The 90s, the mid 90s. Yeah, you were here in the 90s.

Yeah, you were part of the old comedy scene in the 90s. Yeah. Rip Van Winkled it for a bit, took a bit long slumber for about 25 years. I was like, get the legal pads out, no new material. I'm gonna be looking at this the entire time. Yeah. And then you have a big white beard now,

because you just crawled out of your cave. That's right. And here you are, it's great to see you. Thank you, yeah, hibernation was cool. Shut it all down, which was nice. And now I'm back. So. Do you lose weight in hibernation or is it the kind of thing because you're not active? See, you're not eating. And let's do bears sleep eat when they're hibernating? No, they eat a lot. And then their body goes on a certain setting that, you know, when

you're sleeping, you don't need to do certain things like you don't have access to smell. You don't have access to smell when you're sleeping? Yeah, your olfactory sense is kind of dim. They shut down? Really? So if like someone took a big duty next to me while I was sleeping, I would just like sit there and roll around in it or something? I'm not saying Cool Up does that.

I'm pretty sure. Because I thought I smelled in a dream And I was googling, you know, can you smell in dreams? Which you know is just kind of how a typical day starts for me. I love by the way I love if anyone were to check your Google search You know how they do it after like someone either intentionally or unintentionally murder someone and then they check the search history and they're always like, can you go to jail for murdering someone?

Yeah. Easy banana pancakes. Can you smell in dreams? Can you go to jail for murdering someone? Easy banana pancakes. I love that song. Sing it. Jack Johnson.

Oh, yeah. But my question is, do bears lose weight? They've gained a ton of weight. So then do they slim down where they're like, they wake up from hibernation and are like, hi. Yeah, they're definitely fucked up when they wake up. They're hung over. But I imagine they gorge themselves

before going down for the big nap. God, I would love to sleep six months out of the year. You can. Have you heard of drugs? I think I've heard of- I'd love to talk to you about drugs. I've heard of one of them. I would, yeah, I would love to have the hookup.

Which one if I may ask? I believe I heard of Mary Jane. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah. See for me that, I'm going up, up, up, up, up. That's, yeah, for me that's a bit of a, you know, we gotta talk. Yeah, okay, so yeah, because you're a standup comedian,

and this would be good for podcasting too. You take like trucker speed. Oh yeah, that's right. Those guys really, I've come across a couple truckers and some long haul tour bus drivers in my day and they just drink Mountain Dew and they're sober and they're like, it's really a fascinating person and everybody's different obviously, you don't want to generalizeize but just the folks that I've come across they really like take such pride in their ability to stay awake but they're really like I am I'm not into the hard stuff like they're really just running on various bowls

and do's. If I were a trucker a long-haul trucker I would just listen to that song Stay Awake from Pinocchio. Is that from, no, it's from Mary Poppins. Stay awake, don't. Keep going. Do something to your head. You should stay the fuck in bed. Yeah, totally, and that's what she said. You know that song, Stay Awake, which is designed, it's like a lullaby melody designed to make them fall asleep.

Oh, it's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The thing where you give kids the illusion of choice. Yeah, it's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the thing where you give kids the illusion of choice. Yeah, it's the irony of the lyrics are contrasted against the melody. Sure. Yeah. It's classic.

Anyway, that's what I would listen to. Okay, cool. I'm glad you... We should be truckers together. That would be wild. Wouldn't that be cool? We would switch off. Oh my God, that'd be awesome.

And we could have those little beads on our seats. Yes. And we could, you know, just kind of make memories and, you know, go to like the world's largest ball of yarn and stuff like that on the road. We could do it for like six months and then just fall asleep for the next six. Oh my God, so it's trucker, hibernation, hybrid.

That could be cool. That could be really cool. I'm down with that. I would love to do that. Just ditch all my responsibilities. That would be cool, just hit the road. That's classic dad stuff, by the way. I have these fantasies now.

So you wouldn't be reinventing the wheel with road. That's classic dad stuff, by the way. I have these fantasies now. So you wouldn't be reinventing the wheel with that. That's pretty difficult to add stuff. What's been going on? I mentioned to you off-mic, and I know what you're saying. Why bother to do something off-mic if you can monetize it on-mic? I agree. But I mentioned to you off-mic, I saw your standup a few months back.

It was wonderful. Oh, thank you. You did approximately between 10 and 11 minutes, I would say. Okay. And it was wonderful. I hadn't seen it before. And it left me primed. I wanted to see more. And then I get this news, this late breaking news. I'm on the inside. I'm a Hollywood insider a little bit. I know that about you. Yeah, that's pretty true. I hear things sometimes about certain people in the industry. And I hear you're doing this special, this hour long special.

Tell me about this. Well, I have no choice, but to tell you about this. I would love to tell you. I have a gun to your head. That's right. And I please, I have a family by the way. Wait, is this a family like you're married and you have children? I just think that having parents should be-

Everyone has a family. People will be sad if you kill me. That doesn't sway me. Okay, fine. So, yeah, I'm doing a stand-up special. It is my first hour. You could say it's my life's work. I mean, it's a short life, but it's-

Short hours. Short, short. It's as short as an hour can get. You know what I mean, it's a short life, but it's short hours. Short, short. It's, it's as short as an hour can get. You know what I mean? What are we talking? 59 point? We're talking, we're clocking in at yeah. Uh, a nine, nine or something like that. Well, I would say I would, yeah, I would say 59 nine, nine.

Yeah. Would be the shortest an hour. 59 minutes, 59 seconds. Yeah. It's good. I love it. I, I've been working on it. It's like the accumulation of like all my time as a standup comedian.

How long have you been doing it? You know, I started standup at the end of 2017. Okay, let me count. End of 2017, we're in mid 2024. I'm gonna say that's 28 years. Yeah. So, you know. Wow. You're a veteran. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. That's true. Your words, not mine, but yeah. You're a veteran in all the ways that count. Yeah. I'm a veterinarian is what... Sorry, you misread it. It was on the paper. I'm a veterinarian. I'm a veteran, I even turn over the page. Oh, sorry. There's more. A veterinarian. Okay. Thank you for your... Oh, never mind.'s more. Okay. Thank you for your sir.

Oh, nevermind. But this is exciting. You've been doing standup now and you've accumulated, and this is a good hour. I mean, you know, it's not like, I'm sure it's like anyone could do an hour after two years of standup and it would be garbage. Sure.

But yours, I wonder how much material you're using that you came up with in those first few years, or have you just kind of like said, okay, all of that's going away? There are a couple of with in those first few years or have you just kind of like said, okay, all of that's going away? There are a couple of bits from my first few years. If you can believe it, there's one bit from my first set ever. Wow.

Yeah. Is that just the crowd work? No. Hey, where are you from? It's actually, I believe I did it on Cold Bear as well. Oh, cool. Yeah, so it's- I mean, Cold Bear.

Here's the reality. I'm not, come on, prolific. I'm not someone who's churning it out. I take a long time because I have a, you know, I have a pretty,

I love comedy, I have a pretty high bar. You have quality control. I do. Quality is job one with you or two? Yes. Sometimes slips before. Well, veterinarian would be job one. Right, okay.

That's right. Comedian is- Is pretty low on the list. Barista is maybe- You know it. Yeah, second. You know it, that's my heart, that's my soul. And yeah, it's just, I don't know.

I, yeah, I've put a lot of time and care into it and I have not rushed it despite the, you know, uh, urgings of, of many people. Cause I'm sure like two years ago, you're on top of the world. Hacks wins, uh, a bunch of Emmys. And these are real Emmys. These aren't like the ones the local newscasters win. They're all proud of those. we go like, come on. But these are real Emmys. You're on top of the world. I bet all of your reps, your team, they're saying,

let's get this hour out. My fabulous team, yeah. But not you, you're saying like, I'm Mr. No when it comes to my team. And I love them and they work hard, but I'm saying no, I'm saying no, I'm saying no. 80% of the time. Yeah.

You gotta put them in check. Yeah, you gotta let them know. You gotta let them know who's the boss. Well, I'm saying no, I'm saying no. 80% of the time. Yeah. You gotta put them in check. Yeah, you gotta let them know. You gotta let them know who's the boss. Well, I don't know about that. I feel like we're a co-op. I don't like that language. I like to feel like we're kind of a... I think you're a girl boss.

What do you think of that? Oh my God, I hate it. Oh, okay. Note taken. King, I hate that. Oh. Yeah, I don't know. I just, yeah, I have taken a long time to be like, okay, it's absolutely ready and I stand by it fully

and this is it. And this is great. I wish more comedians would do that because sometimes I have to watch these specials for this show. And you can tell that people have like- A mortgage and kids to provide for. Exactly, come on. No, but I do, it is a privilege to take your time, and kids to provide for. Exactly. Come on.

No, but I, I do, I do. It is a privilege to take your time. I have to say that. Yeah. Like I do have that, that, um, privilege in, in many ways, like, uh, it's much easier for me to be like, I'm going to do this when it's right, because I fucking live in a one bedroom apartment and still drive my fucking Prius from 2015.

So like like I'm like okay I'll just like live small and fucking just do this shit when it feels right I guess. Well this is great I'm imagining the 10 minutes that I saw times six yeah and it's funny. Okay! Thank you! So cannot wait to see it I know you haven't taped it yet but I'd love to be the first person you tell how it went to. I'll let you know, I'm taping 420 at the El Rey. Hell yeah. 420. You know what I mean? April, the fool's month.

That's right. The month of the fool. Hitler's birthday. Fools? It's our time. The original fool. That is so true, King. He literally was crazy for that. He was crazy when he did that. He was on that one.

I'm mad at him for sure. Yeah. But yeah. Tell me about Hacks Season 3. I mean, this is a great show. I wanted to meet you the last time you were on the show because I love the show and it's you and Gene Smart, one of America's greatest actresses. So true. And it's a and Jean Smart, one of America's greatest actresses. So true.

And it's a great team behind it. And what's going on with season three? It's coming out May 2nd. What's happening in the lives of the characters? Can you catch us up? Sure. Yes, season three. No spoilers though.

May 2nd. Okay. Catch us up with what the characters are going through, but absolutely no spoilers. Okay. I won't talk about Ava's hair transplant then. What? Just kidding. So, yeah, like, we meet the characters a year after we've left them.

Is that a full, like, is it a leap year? Is it 366 days? You know, it's a good question, and I asked that just for my process as an actor, I needed to know. Yeah, it's the first thing that pops into one's for just for my process as an actor. I needed to know Yeah, that's the first thing that pops into one's mind. Yeah, and so good thing I know the answer because I did ask again, but it's an actor's secret. It's an actor's secret Yeah, i'm actually not at liberty to say okay

Um, but so that's kind of private. Okay, so actually I fucked up that you asked. Yeah, I Apologize you're not gonna meet to me. Okay. Well,'m just going to ask you to do better. Okay, I will. Yeah, I promise. You know what? I'm an ally. I promise to do better. Great. So, so yeah, we we meet these gals and the gang a year after and you know,

chaos ensues. Of course, we love it. You know, Debra's on top of the world. She just released her special and Ava's kind of back in a groove with, uh, her work and personal life. And then of course, uh, as I said, chaos ensues and the girls have to get the gang back together somehow. And then, man, this sounds good.

Yeah. Can it come out before May 2? I wish I got the screeners. You got the screeners? Just give me that link. I'll fricking show you. Whatever. Hell yeah.

I won't don't't, if the Matt, if my corporate sponsor is listening. They're not listening. I've done. They screen my calls, man. What? Okay. They have a tap on your line?

Yeah. They have a van outside with a big sonar gun. By the way, you can't see this because the windows are behind you. But when we were doing the riffing about the lacrosse stick and Max, a man in a suit just came back behind you. Yeah.

When he had actually a head, like a wire from his ear and he did this, the point, the peace sign pointing in the eyeballs to himself and then to me. To you? That's why I changed the subject. What is going on right now? Cause he's gone and now- Oh, the Max guy.

Oh no, he's back. Don't turn around. Don't turn around. This is great. Don't turn around. The Oswald special. We're good. Giving him a thumbs up. Oh God, this is great. Don't turn around, the Oswald special. We're good, giving him a thumbs up. All right.

Okay, go. The HBO people are everywhere. They really take the home and home box office seriously. Oh yes. Well, this is great. Hacks, May 2nd, one of the great shows in the cable streaming wars era, which we hear is contracting,

but we hope it never contracts so much. Yeah. That just squeezes the life out of Hax because we want Hax to continue. It's just the, not the last season, I hope. Well, God no, darling. We hope it goes forever. Really? This is my plan. You ready? Okay. We do, you know, four or five seasons, God willing. And then I move into the woods and then 30 years go by, I come back, I play Deborah. Now, Ava. In the reboot.

In the reboot, will be played by AI. Ava will be a robot. I love that. And she'll be like, you can't say that anymore, bleep lorp. And then I. I wish AI would stop saying bleep lorp. That always tips me off to the fact that it's AI. I know, well actually, you know what, you're so right. I will have worked that kink out by then. I hope so, the bleep lorp. That always tips me off to the fact that it's AI. I know. Well, actually, you know what? You're so right.

I will have worked that kink out by then. I hope so. The bleep blorp kink. Definitely. The bleep blorp clause. This is great. I mean, honestly, I think hacks could just keep going. I mean, like so few sitcoms just keep going.

Like Simpsons did, but they all stay the same age. Hacks would be just great if it just like. Ava never gets stuck in an elevator. It's just a 50 year, 50 seasons go on and just like, every year we catch up with what our favorite characters are doing. I love it. It's a good ass show. It's a good ass show. Well, you know what? We need to take a break. Okay. Speaking of good ass shows, we have a really good one here. Today, we have a vigilante

is here and we also have a deity. This is a packed show. This is what people come to Comedy Bang Bang for. That's right. That's right. And you can stick around, I hope. Of course. Because I need your help on this. I've never spoken to a deity before. Oh, well, I'm very familiar. In prayer or otherwise. I'm one of, you know, I don't want to look. Let's just say everybody's kind of sending emails to the inbox, I got God's pager. Okay. What? Okay. I'm a little angel and he, she, they knows it.

Okay, great. Well, this is wonderful. We're really close. We're gonna be talking to a deity. I don't know whether it's the one that you've spoken to. We'll find out, I guess. We'll find out. When we come back, we'll have more Hannah Onbinder,

more Comedy Bang Bang. We'll be right back after this. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Hannah Einbinder is here. Hacks comes out May 2. Third season. You can catch up on the first two seasons, I would imagine, currently. You can stream them.

On Macs, baby. Binge watch them. We don't care. Yeah. You Macs, baby. Binge watch them, we don't care. Yeah, no phones. Eyes up. No phones, yeah, exactly. Don't be playing your wordles. Yeah.

Your spelling bees, we want full attention. We worked really hard, so watch it for real. Do you hear that? I do. Is that an organ? I don't own an organ. Is that coming from where? It's not an organ.

Did you hear that? I'm not hearing that just in my head. I didn't hear that. Why, what did you hear? Oh, me? Oh. Did you hear that? I heard that.

Okay. But I didn't hear when someone said, that's not an organ. Oh my God, I'm scared. Oh wait, no, I did hear it but I didn't hear when someone said it's that's not an organ. Oh Wait, no, I did hear because I just oh My god, I know what's happening It's the Batman Go now guys. Oh my god. Hey Batman. Hey, what's up guys? Hey, hey, you're so good to see you Hey, big fat Batman. Oh, hey, Batman. Nice to meet you. Hey, Batman. Hey, what's up guys? Hey. Hey, so great to see you.

Hey. I'm a big fan of Batman. Oh, hey, Batman. Nice to meet you. Oh, I never, yeah, it's good to hear it out of you. I feel like people only, I only hear it, it's nice to hear that that's how it's actually pronounced. I've been doing it wrong.

Oh, yeah, that's how I, birth, since birth. Yeah. Since birth? Yeah, and I'm not, I'm not someone else. You're not named anything else. My name since birth has been Batman. Batman. Oh, okay.

Well, Bat-you-man. Full name. Oh, okay. Okay, yeah, that makes sense. Right has been Batman. Batman. Well, Bat-you-man. Full name. Oh, okay. Okay, yeah, that makes sense. Right, but Bat-moon. Yes. Batman. I don't understand what the problem is.

This is insane. It's so great to see you again. Thank you. Yeah, it's wonderful to have you. It's good to be seen. It's good to be out of the shadows. I just wanna make sure there's no danger around because I just know that when you pop up, it tends to be.

There's always danger lurking. Really? Are we in trouble? That's why I'm so vigilant. That's why I'm the world's greatest detective. Wow. I'm not really a vigilante. I'm a detective first and foremost,

Colin Firth and foremost. But you're not doing it, you're not recognized by the police. Who, me? No, it's you, I'm talking about you. Yeah, you, not me. Yes. No, the police will Commissioner Grote-Garden and I... Why's your music rising right now? I forgot about the music. I always forget that... You need someone on tech, Batner. You're darn right.

Robin's usually doing it with that truck. Is that why you have like a boy sidekick? Yeah, what happened with you guys? There was like a feud. Award? Award? Uh, he's fine. He's getting older now. So then I'm like, Hey, can you come to the podcast and do like hold the phone? And he's like, I got shit to do. Yeah. You're not my dad. And I'm like, trust me.

I know, but you don't say that when you take the motorcycle. A lot of people wonder if you're his dad because. Who me? Yeah. Yeah. You, uh, because, um, because I mean, it's weird to have like a grown ass man out there fighting crime. I mean, dresses are bad. That's weird enough, but then... To reach his own, I guess.

How is it dating? Cause I know that it's like, you know, kind of a moments notice thing, like you're making plans. Hard, cause the second you, someone finds out you love someone, they kill them or want to kill them or put them in like a warehouse. Oh my god. How many times has that happened to you? To me?

Yeah, to you. To me? Yeah. Is this your new spinoff show, To You, To Me? Great idea, I'm not gonna lie. It's happened eight times I think now, eight. Who are these people who fall in love with you? Vicki Vale, you're Vicki Vale. You're Rachel Dawes.

She knew about the Rico Act. The Rico Act, you know, the whole thing. And do you ever? Cat women. Sure, sure. Poison Ivy. They, oh, I think like, yeah, I think I've fallen in love with most of them. Yeah, you hooked up with Poison Ivy?

I got a little bit of a flirty heart, you know? Okay. I kind of like, one day I'm like, you're not, you say something nice to me. I'm like, uh-oh. And then, you know, I kind of like one day I'm like, you're not, you say something nice to me. I'm like, uh-oh. And then, you know, it's not real. We got to, I mean, sometimes it's hard being me is what I got to say. It's hard. It's hard being me. Yeah. You could give it up. What was that? I think you're singing that Nirvana song that was used in the last Batman movie. When I get sad, I sing that song.

Damn, Batman. Damn, Batman. Me? Yeah, you. No, yes, you. We're talking about you. Thank you. Well, it's wonderful to see you, Batman.

Has there been any? All right, take care. No, no, actually, do you mind coming in? Come back. Sorry, I thought you were with us. No, I mean, you're on the podcast and you're a book guest, apparently, because I referenced you being on the show.

This is not a surprise. Usually I just swing in. That's why I wasn't sure when to come in the door, because usually I just pop in. Yeah, but it's great to see you. Has there been any interesting super villains coming your way? Look, I don't know what to ask this guy.

There's a new one, He's a social media. That's his, that's his code name. Media sucks. How do you battle such a, such an elusive enemy? He just makes fun of you. Oh no. And that's it. Like flame wars.

Maybe flame war would be a better. I was going to say exactly like flame wars. Yeah. Oh my God. What is flame wars? I was gonna say exactly like Flame Wars. Yeah. Oh my God. What is Flame Wars? I'm actually gonna write down Flame War as a good idea. And you may be seeing that a little bit later.

But so that, I mean, has the Joker been around? He's your classic, right? He's like co-classic to you. Well, he's doing that movie, right? Correct. Has he been busy with potted, whatever it is? Plants? No, no, that's Harvey Weinstein. No, that's Louis C.K., I think.

It's called, that Joker 2 movie is called like Polly. Folly Ado. Folly Ado. Folly, that's right. That's exactly how you say it. Yeah. You speak French, right? Oh, petit. Oh, it's the cutest language. I just want to pitch your cheeks when you say that. It's very cute. It's very good. But yeah, he's been busy doing that movie with Harley.

Yeah, he's doing promo and stuff. It's here. It's a jukebox musical. Can't wait. What can we get going for you, Batman? You know, I just don't like I don't really like The limelight as much you know, like the shadows. Yeah You're pretty chill I just fight crime and then go home and sulk really but like you're kind of about the the love of the craft It's not so much about the recognition. Yeah The recognition. Yeah. It's a little bit about the suit, but I'm not gonna lie.

Feels good. It looks so good, Batman. I love it. Yeah, you have the nipple suit on today. Today I do. Yeah. Yeah. Take it out for a little walk.

With the big codpiece too. Yeah, I like it. Sometimes they feel like a big wiener day. Totally. Let your freak flag fly, Batman. You know? Yeah. But you've had so many different suits over the years. It's a cleaner day. Totally. Let your freak flag fly, Batman. Yeah. That's what's up. You've had so many different suits over the years.

You've had the nipple one. Who, me? No, yes, you. I wasn't sure if you were talking to me or Hannah. I, yeah. I mean, you've had suits over the years. You've watched suits, probably. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, suits coming in, coming. Suits LA. Morning me to not talk about Max. Yeah. That would be great for you to do an arc on suits coming. Suits LA. Warning me to not talk about Max. Yeah. That would be great for you to do an arc on Suits, the new Suits LA. Can you imagine? Oh, that would be so fun.

Just coming to every scene, dropping stuff. Hey guys, sorry. Just a quick question. The printer's kind of not working. Wondering if we could get a little, is it an ink thing? Anyway. You have no storylines. You're just coming in.

Working at the office. Talking about clerical stuff. Yeah. I'm no storylines. You're just coming in. No, working at the office. Talking about clerical stuff. Yeah. I'm gonna watch the shit out of that. Yeah. So, Joker's been busy. It sounds like you're bored, Batman.

I mean, it's slow right now, yeah. You're in a slow crime period? That's good for us, though. Yeah. If there's not a lot of crime. Yeah, no, there's not a lot going on right now. I'm kind of just, you know. Everyone's talking about how supposedly crime is on the rise

and statistics show that crime is actually at a multi-year low right now. Is that so? Yeah, especially right now, everyone seems like they're rebounding a little bit. So what do you do? I mean, is this when you redo the cave? Are you looking at swatches? I paint Legos every once in a while. The cave, yes. Lego I'm super into.

Great. Like is it all Lego Batman stuff? Yes. Cause that movie? Yeah, it was, yeah. They gave you free Lego Batman stuff? It's just, that's all I got. And gifts and people are like, do you know about this?

And I'm like, yeah. But it still doesn't stop me from, it calms me. So you have a Lego Batman cave in the middle of your actual Batman cave. Correct, it's very small. It's a one-tenth scale. Yes, but I get in there. What is Michael Caine like in real life?

I just have to know I love him so much. Honestly, fine. Really? He would think, you would think like, I'm sorry, you have a look on your face. You would think you would be racist, don't you? I'm sorry, you have a look on your face. You would think you would be racist, don't you? No, I don't have that. I do not have that look on my face.

Terrible to women or racist just because of Sean Connery. I famously played the young version of him in the Austin Powers franchise. So of course I have an affinity for him. Iconic. I remember this. You got robbed, didn't you? I did, yeah.

Of a... The Academy Award. Yeah, the awards season. Oscar, Oscar is what. Yeah, I't you? I did, yeah. Of a... The Academy Award. Yeah, the awards season. Oscar, Oscar is what. Yeah. I mean, technically I was eligible for an Oscar. That's right. When I was in that movie.

I auditioned for Mini Me, but they told me I was too tall. I'm so sorry, Batman. That's okay. Who, me? No, yes, you, yeah. Yeah. But I mean, the murder rate is down. Correct.

This is just kind of a terrible time for you. It is, but that's a good time for everyone else. So like, I do feel good, but at the same time, like I just get to, I just watch more movies and shit. Maybe you could, here's an idea. What did you think of past lives, Batman? Oh yeah. I'm not familiar.

Oh. You didn't watch Past Lives? Did you see Poor Things? I don't know anything you're saying. What movies are you watching? If you're not watching Past Lives or Poor Things. Batman 89, the 89 Batman, Batman and Robin, the Batman.

How true are these two? The Dark Knight Rises. Are these actual biopics? Like how true to life are these because these movies that we've seen? Almost all of them are false. Because one thing I wanted to ask you about is in these movies,

there's one common thread between all of them, which is occasionally whenever you're not on the screen, there's this guy, Bruce Wayne, a billionaire who- Okay. They follow around for a bunch of the movie. I'm confused about it. Like Michael Cretin played him. Yeah, Michael Cretin.

I think at one point, right? Yeah, yeah. And I don't know why they're following this guy. I don't know. It makes no sense. Have you met this guy? He's nothing to do with who, me? Yeah, no, yeah. Nothing to do with me.

I have no... not that I know. Maybe I have in passing. I keep kind of going like, is he such a nothing? Is he Batman's friend? He was such a nothing that I don't remember him, maybe? Yeah, yeah. I just don't know why they're spending half of the movie on this guy. It is odd.

It's stupid, if you ask me. I don't fast forward through those parts usually. Yeah. Totally. Get to the meat, get to the Batman. Yeah, we're watching a movie called Batman 89. We don't want to, it's not Bruce Wayne also in 89. Yeah, who wants to see that? Yeah.

Not me. Not you. Maybe he's financing the movies? Doing like a Hitchcockian cameo for half the movie at him? That sounds like the right answer. Because he's a billionaire, he's paying for these things? Yeah, we'll go with that. That's probably right.

Yeah. Anyway, what's Robin up to? About six, eight right now. Seriously, he's growing like a champ. Wow. Yeah. Has he thought about playing basketball? Because he's very agile. He's out there. Yes, Robin. Yes. Uh, yes, he thinks about it constantly.

Yeah. He always just all he does is watch Space Jam and Space Jam 2. He's in Space Jam 2. He's in Space Jam 2. He is in Space Jam 2 for like a half a second. No, he's there. He's sitting there in the final basketball thing. They keep cutting to him. That's what I said. Batman, I wondered, do you feel like misunderstood?

Like is there something, is there a misconception about you that you wish people understood? Like what do you wish people knew about you? Many people play me, but only I can play myself. Oh my God. Wow. A word from Batman. Such a word. That's...

That is true. Can I do that? I wanted to cue that up. I wish I had. You want to do it again? Done that better. Could you ask me that question? Yeah, do you remember it? I'll have to try.

Yeah, here we go. Batman, I just had a question. I wonder, like, what is something that you wish people knew about you? Like, is there a misconception? A lot of people have played me, but only I can play him. But only I. But misconception a lot of people have played me but only I can play but only I but only a lot of people have played me but hold on a lot of people have I don't know that that song choice was exactly right. I think it worked. That was good. Thank you for doing that.

Of course. Yeah, no problem. Let's just keep all that in, I hope. Oh yeah, why would we take any of that out? If you ever need me for hacks, I'm available. Yeah, oh, I could totally see that. Do you mean edits for this show? Correct.

Okay, well, our editing machine is broken, so if you have one in the Batcave, I wouldn't mind. I don't know what all the edit tug is, I thought that went great. I loved it. I was saying how much I wanted it to all be in. Yeah, I loved it, I loved it. I think he's trying to get on your show, Axe.

I am trying to, oh, oh, you're right behind us, oh my God. We're talking in almost the same level I am. You're in the shadows there, we didn't see you, we thought. Well, you know, I just come in, I do the little dance, make a little love, get down tonight, but I can definitely pass it on.

But you could put in a word. Of course. As the star of the show, they would probably listen to what you're saying. Would they be angry if just like a smoke appeared in a word. As the star of the show, they would probably listen to what you're saying. Would they be angry if I just like a smoke appeared and just, I appeared and acted and then I went home? I can't imagine that would be a negative thing, right? It probably would have to be rolling. Sure. You know, because you don't want to just- Is that a Hollywood term?

Yeah, rolling is when the cameras are going. So, because it would be bad if suddenly like smoke appeared and they're not ready to, you know, they're not ready to shoot you. I get that. Yeah. So that would be good. So maybe there could be some communication between you

and the first day. I'll just go through the normal audition process hopefully. Yeah. Where are you ripped, Batman? CAA. Oh, wow. Oh, great. Okay, come on, Batman. I was a hand model. Yeah. Yeah. Where are you ripped Batman? CAA. Oh, wow. Great. Okay. Come on, Batman. I was a hand model.

Yeah. To CAA, is that, is that what the scarecrow says? And do you and the penguin have as much chemistry off screen as you do on screen? Or? Cause it looks, it looks to us like something is going on here. Yeah. Can you see? I'm the only guy.

Okay. Okay. Loose lips, sink ships, am I right, buddy? Yes, they do. Okay, Batman. Yes, they do. Uh, who me? Okay, yes you.

Yes. Speaking of, you mentioned Colin Firth, there's another Colin. Colin Farrell playing the penguins. Hot Penguins. His show's coming out. Like you can't even get a show on the air. No, but let's get a hot guy and a fat dude.

Please, I'm begging you, please. I mean, he's got a max show. He's your compatriot out there on the max app. He's my blood relative. Yeah, you know, like he's got 10 apps and you get these movies every four years or something. Who, me? apps and you, and like, you get these movies every one, like every four years or something. Who, me? Yeah, you.

Yeah. I mean, it's, I mean, it's, I don't have a movie every four years. I believe the last one I was in was when I played the young Michael Caine in Austin Powers Gold member, back in 2000, maybe 2001. That's not a good ratio of years to movies. Wow. But, but still like, you know. It... Says more about the Austin Powers franchise than you.

Yeah, true. If they had another one, I would have been back, definitely. You mean when they have another one. That's right, thank you. But I mean, still, like, there's some downtime for you in between these movies. Yeah, let me relax. Like, why does everyone assume I always have to be Batman-ing? Like, I'm just...

Wait, do you take just have a garden? Do you take the suit off ever? Yeah. So you- Is that a real question? So are you someone different underneath the suit? Every movie they spend minutes watching me get in it, but they never show the, like, at the edge of the bed, where you're tired and it's wet.

And you're, and you're just taking it off and finally it's out, you can just like your body just expands and you fart. And you go fuck, fuck. Yeah, and then you just like roll into bed. That's the movie I wanna see. Yeah, that would be great. Yeah, Batman After Dark. Or I guess, in the light.

At dark. Well, he's working during the dark. Batman 10.45 p.m. Batman 9 a. light. Batman 4 Dark. Well, he's working during the dark. Batman 10 45 PM. Batman 9 AM. Yeah. Yes. Sunrise. Yeah, just like getting home, taking a shower, throwing the bat keys on the little table.

Well, Batman, it's great to see you. Yeah, you, can you stick around? Because we need to take a break. But when we come back, we have a deity's great to see you. Who, me? Yeah, you. Can you stick around? Because we need to take a break, but when we come back, we have a deity is going to be here. I don't know whether you pray to a deity or- Oh, I hope it's Jesus Christ. Hey. Batman, you Christian?

No. He's a good one, though. I just always wondered, I always heard- He's just a friend. He might be able to convince you. Yeah, we'll see. It's got him this thing, isn't it? That's right, yeah.

Oh, boy. Well, we need to take a break. When we come back, we are going to have more with the Batman. We're gonna have more Hannah Einbinder. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Hannah Einbinder here. Her stand-up special, Everything Must Go.

Can you say why it's called that? Is it about just all your material is finally out there? That is one of the meanings. It is called- This has more than one? Well, of course. It is this idea that when you put out an hour, that material is burned, so everything must go.

I also talk about the beginning of the special starts with a sort of an origin story The end of the special starts ends. I should say with a funeral I guess what the origin story is is it you going to see a movie like the mark of Zorro or something and Then your your parents are shot to death in front of you and pearls spill out on the ground. Yeah. Oh cool Wait, how did you know that? I feel like I've seen that in a movie before. Wait, that's crazy, yeah, that's me. Oh, that's you.

Who, you? Yes, me. Oh, wow, okay. Well, that's wonderful. That'll be on the Max app. We also have, the Batman is here. Correct, did you think I was gonna say you and me for a second?

No, I didn't, sorry. Sorry for my Beyonce for a second I was listening to on the way here. Badminton. I apologize. Badminton is here, but we need to get to our next guest. They are a deity, one of the deities out there. If you're a monotheist, I guess the only deity, but, or is theist or deist? I don't know. Anyway, I'm not smart. I've never pretended to be. You did once.

Wait, you were watching then? You were pretending to be smart. It was so silly. But please welcome to the show for the first time, God. It's me, God's God. I love you so much. Literally, no stress. Thanks for having me.

Also happy to be here. I'm loving you. Oh, thank you so much. That's so nice. This is Hannah. Hannah, I love you. Oh my God. I love you. And this is Batman. Hello. It's an honor.

Batman. Oh my God. Literally, I love you so much. Thank you. That's so nice. That's so great. That's so nice to hear. Wow. God of wonders beyond our galaxy. Oh my God. Is that the theme song? Oh, that's my ringtone. Calling me. You're calling yourself right now.

My prayer lines going off. I'm kidding. I don't have one of those. I don't listen. You don't listen to people's prayers? Not literally all the time I can't. I'm so sorry. No stress though.

Is there a screening process? Well, I just sometimes not listening. Lots of things to do in heaven. You self-screen. Oh really? So you have duties in heaven? You don't just reign over it? Not duties so much like, more like games hanging, like stuff like that.

Cool, like corn holes. Oh God, Scott, I love you so much. You're literally my little guy. I was gonna say, I love you for some reason. I don't even know you really. This is our first encounter. I know you, I knit you together in your mother's womb. Oh, thank you.

Yeah. That's so nice. That's literally so cute. So beautiful. Yeah. But no, in heaven, like I. Oh, thank you. Yeah. That's so nice. That's literally so cute. That's beautiful. Yeah. But no one have been like, I'm busy sometimes literally, like I can't be watching everything all the time. Like we were playing Cloud Smash.

Oh, what is Cloud Smash? That sounds fun. You do like a belly flop on a cloud and then your memories are so good and they take you so high and whoever can laugh the foreverest wins. Oh my God. That sounds cool.

Yeah, so sometimes I'm busy, like I'm doing that. I didn't watch what happened to Jonest wins. Oh my God. That sounds cool. Yeah. Sometimes I'm busy, like I'm doing that. I didn't watch what happened to JonBenet. Oh, oh, oh God. Like I just, I didn't see, I literally didn't see. So when people ask me like, God, God, where is she? What happened? I'm like, literally don't know.

I mean, a lot of people wonder that like, if there is a God, why do such terrible things happen in the world? Because I'm playing Cloud Smash. You're playing Cloud Smash. Okay, that makes sense. Gyrmids too, people are like, who built them? Aliens? I'm like, I didn't see that part.

Finally an answer. The world's so big, like I'm busy sometimes. Totally. But I'm literally loving you guys though. That's understandable. Is it a thing where, you know, it's just like you kind of put the work in early and then you're kind of going hands off like I did all of them? That's like a lot of executive producers.

Yeah. On shows like Hacks, I would imagine. On Max, for the 10th second. I love your show, by the way. I literally love it. Oh my God, thank you. It absolutely has my blessing. Wait!

That's so great. God! How many seasons have you watched? All of them, every single episode. I've been watching Hannah since she was just so little. Okay, I'm crying. What happened on the last episode of the second season then?

No spoilers, can't say. Okay. Because I know Megan Prattley in Calgary, Alberta is listening right now and she hasn't seen it yet and she doesn't want to get spoiled, so I'm not gonna spoil her. Oh, okay, can't say. Because I know Megan Prattley in Calgary, Alberta is listening right now and she hasn't seen it yet and she doesn't want to get spoiled, so I'm not gonna spoil her. I love you Megan if you're listening, no stress. That's so nice, God.

That's so cool that you blessed her show. Well, yeah, I mean, that's good to know that you're just kind of busy and you know, you got stuff going on. Yeah, I'm really busy, so that's why, well, I can't be here long, but I have to tell you guys something. What? Oh, okay. So, kind of new stipulations happening.

So, I kind of did a bad one, and I let too many people into heaven. I'm with Softie, so no stress, but everyone's kind of going up there, so now it's getting too full, so there's kind of new rules. Oh, like Bill Maher's new rules, or do we need to have the Bill Maher theme song here? I love Bill Maher, I love him.

No, you're a dog. I love you, I love you. No, you're a dog, Alana. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love him because you should have seen him when he was a little boy. He was different. Okay, fine. So literally, now what I'm kind of-

I want to see an animated series called Lil Bill Maher. Young Bill Maher. Young Bill Maher. Like young Sheldon. That would be so cool. Everybody hates Bill Maher. I really want to do- That's just about him as an adult.

I want to do Fetch. Hey, Scott, watch it, okay? Sorry, God. So what are these new parameters? So new parameters are kind of like, before really only people, so I sent the bad guys of history. There's like 10 or 12 of them. And then there's the serial guys, like, you know.

The Bundys. Bundy Gacy. Although Gacy was a close one because he dressed like a clown and I thought that was a little bit funny, no stress. But I sent him down there anyway. So we're talking like the big bad guys of history, the Hitlers, the Mussolini's. Yes, yes, yes.

What a fool that Hitler. He's a real fool. Biggest fool I've ever heard of. That's why I made him be born on 420, because he is really like God's fool. It's like you're a clown for that shit. Yeah. But so you sent them down there and then-

Well, that's what I'm saying, because I really only ever sent like 18 people there. So that's why heaven's getting so like cocoa serials. Well that's what I'm saying, so I really only ever sent like 18 people there. Wow. So that's why heaven getting so like cocoa bananas now. Okay. It's so literally back to back, like shoulder, shoulder, toilets, like mirrors, everybody's using all of them all the time.

So it's like going to the forum where there's so few toilets and trying to like, you know, after the last act, trying to get in there. The forum is heavenly, isn't it? Have you ever just thought of this? Have you ever wondered why it rained? Oh, why? That's people gone pissing up in heaven

because the toilets are full. That's how crowded it is. It doesn't smell so bad, I'm okay with it. I know you, Scott, you always tilt your head back and stick out your tongue. Hoping that it's... And you cross your fingers behind your back and you go, hope it's angels piss.

Okay, you've seen me do that. But girls only, I hear all your prayers. It's not a prayer necessarily, it's just something I'm saying to myself. To me. I love you, oh, Scott, I love you so much. I'm not gonna say it back, but so what are you doing? Are you now, is there a screening process

to get into heaven? Oh yeah, yeah, so now when you die, like gonna do talent, like a little talent, so. Like heaven's got talent? Yes, exactly, I'm gonna sit in a big chair and I'll turn around if I think you're good. So it's more Talent? Yes, exactly. I'm gonna sit in a big chair and I'll turn around if I think you're good. So it's more the X factor.

Oh, I see, yeah. The voice. The voice. Listen to how smart my girl is. I love her. Well, she got it wrong. Yeah, but she's smart and she's funny. I love her.

Literally, and I don't care, no stress. Me and God against the world, Scott. That's what we've been saying. So basically what I'm gonna need for you guys, this is just a warning heads up for you guys, when you die, you're gonna do your talent for me and Cody and Jesus. And we will turn around if you could.

Who's Cody? Cody sees like one of my friends up there. Oh, okay. He's one of my besties, like he's an angel. Oh, when was he alive on earth? Or did you create him? He skateboarded, so must've been later than 1812. Probably like at least from the 70s on, 1970 1970s or 1870s, something like that.

I don't know that there were skateboards back then. Hey, skateboard looks weird. So you, I don't know how old it is. Do skateboards get transported up to heaven? Oh yeah. You got, there's cloud ramps. Can you take, can you take like three of your favorite, you know how on Survivor they allow you one personal item?

No, that's not one of the rules actually. I love Jeff Probst. He's so funny and good. I love him. I saw him in a Halloween town recently. I saw him at a concert the other night. Did you really? Yeah. I really did. This guy's everywhere. He was online at Halloween town recently.

Why is he in a Halloween town in the middle of April? Some people have kids who like Halloween stuff. So how did the skateboard get transported up there? That, I literally don't know. Like I can't- You weren't paying attention? No. I can't be paying attention to everything.

Okay, so you and Cody and- And Jesus, or Jesse, or Jessica, whatever you want to call them. So what we're going to do, watch your talent. So what you guys need to be doing responsible to keep on top of this, when you're gonna die, say, as your last thing, please, I'm begging you, what props you need for your talent. Because if you don't say it, we literally can't have it waiting for you. Okay. And then you're gonna get stage fright and it's gonna be terrible.

You guys don't have miscellaneous props, like, here's the prop bin, like. We do, but want it to be unique to your talent, right? Right. And it has to be the last thing you say or can it like you learn you have six weeks to live and you say it in those six weeks? Six weeks too early. Twenty years too early, stuff like that. Like you can't say it now.

Can't say it now? I want it to be probably within four minutes of you dying. Otherwise the admin system gets so confused. What if you're trying to wish your loved ones like, I love you and I'll see you in heaven. Sure, say that. I love you, I'll see you in heaven and then go, microphone karaoke track for Wind Beneath My Wings. Just say that quick. Three bowling pins, a chainsaw, and some Nutella.

Sure. But can you say that later when you die, okay? Because if you say it and someone dies after you say it, they're going to get your props. Are you guys getting it? But what if you're in a terrible car accident and you're decapitated by another car coming through your windshield or something like that, and you just don't have a chance to say it. I literally didn't think of that.

I love you, Scott, you're so smart. Well, maybe there could be a backup system there in place. Maybe we could get these notarized with- Sure, sure, no stress. I feel kind of stupid for not thinking of that. But I don't do it no stress. You allow that to happen a sure, sure. No stress. I feel kind of stupid for not thinking of that. Um, cause you, you let, you allow that to happen a lot. Like people dying horrible deaths. Yeah, because you don't understand cloud slam needs teams of 12.

And if I'm not there, then sometimes like the game goes awry and sometimes people going, Oh God, was that a point or was that a point? And they kind of need to get a sub too. Oh, so that brings me to my second point. You can do your talent or if you're just really good at jumping or laughing, you're automatically in. Oh, so that brings me to my second point. You can do your talent, or if you're just really good at jumping or laughing, you're automatically in. Oh, awesome. Okay.

Because that's how you, you can score 52 points for a forever laugh. That's if you go belly flop major happy memory to the moon. But if you only go major happy memory to second cloud to the left, you're a tall player number 12. That's like 12 disciples. Disciples aren't really real, but that's kind of what we use for the game. Okay. I guess I'm not really comprehending the rules here.

Okay, no stress, I love you. But I guess- I think I got it. Oh, okay, wow. But you go through the rules when people are up there? Of course, it's absolutely no stress. The rules are right there written on the cloud. Oh, okay, great. Oh, perfect. So when you say jumping, you got to be good at jumping. Are we talking like long jumping

or jumping high or- It should be jumping high. Can you use a trampoline or- That's a good idea. I love you for that one. jumping high. Can you use a trampoline or... That's a good idea. I love you for that one. No stress. You can bring it. You can bring a trampoline. Yeah. Okay. Make sure you whisper it before you die if you need it. Do you have an aux chord like if I need to play music or anything?

Oh, music is always playing literally up there. Is it harp music? Because he kind of likes like the Batman theme by Danny Elfman. Oh, you can... Pretty much fluctuate between that and bad dance. You can definitely do the Ox, Batman, because he sounds like you have a great taste and everyone's allowed to have a turn. Thank you. As long as you don't mind also waiting in line for the toilets.

Everybody's got to be a little patient up there because it's kind of crowded. Yeah, boy, wow. So literally there's like hardly anything you can do here on earth that'll get you sent down to hell. I mean- I mean, try to be nice to people, but literally no stress. Why do people then put such stress on themselves to act good and to act right and? I don't know, I wish they wouldn't. Heaven being shoulder to shoulder with a person,

for he sounds like hell to me a little bit. Yeah, wait, is this hell? Are you in charge of hell? You never mentioned when you haven't said like- I'm not in is this hell? Are you in charge of hell? You never mentioned when you haven't said like- I'm not in charge of hell. Who's in charge of hell? My cousin. Okay.

His name's, well, it's a funny story actually. His name is Stan, but they added an extra A on his birth certificate. Oh. Oh my God, kind of. So Stano? It's so funny that he goes by Stano, yeah. Oh, Stano.

Oh. Sure for Stanislavski. Oh, okay. Oh, I knew it. Like to your point, Batman, because you're so funny, literally. I love you. No stress. You're so funny and so good and smart. And that's why I love you.

And so thanks for saying that. But upstairs in heaven, shoulder to shoulder, it actually doesn't feel bad. It feels like, have you ever had sex? No. Okay. Oh, Batman, really? Who, me? No, yeah, you. You haven ever had sex? No. Okay. Oh, Batman, really? Who, me? No, yeah, you. You haven't had sex?

No. When people in heaven touch each other anyway, shoulder, anything, even eye contact, it feels like really good sex. Oh, that's cool. Or, Batman, have you ever put your penis in a bathtub? Yes. Okay, it's like that on your feet.

Every time you walk on a cloud, it's like your penis went into warm water and never came out again. Do you, do the other, I don't know if you're an angel when you're up there, but do you need consent from the other person you're touching shoulders with because both of you were feeling so good?

Everybody's feeling good all the time, yeah. So there's just blanket consent? Of course, yeah. The consent is literally a blanket and we're all wrapped in it. Oh, okay. So when you get up to heaven, you have to sign some form. Like I give consent to any kind of physical touch or? It's not, we don't do signing. It's like you have to lick your lips and say,

mm, mm. Totally. That's what you do when you say your new coming. And also like everybody's so beautiful because you're not having your body anymore. Oh really? Oh. You're just kind of looking like everything, what you love. You don't get your body so this bod I've worked so hard to achieve, I don't get to- For example, Scott, like you just, for me,

my hair is a waterfall, my mouth is a cave and all that stuff, because I'm God. But for you, you'll be what you love. So you'll be like ham sandwich on the top and like hentai like tentacles on the bottom. I don't think that that's what- That's probably what you look like in heaven. That's not what I love. So beautiful. I love you. No stress. Although it does kind of make me hungry. Which part? The top or the bottom? So like Hannah, do you think you know what you look like in heaven? Although it does kind of make me hungry. So like Hannah, do you think you know what you'll look like in heaven? I think I would look like. I know, but I don't want to tell you no stress. I love you.

Okay. I love you so much. I think I would probably look like a cup of tea on the head. Oh, so cute. Love it. And a tree stump on the body. That's going to be good for jumping for Cloud Slam. Yeah. Oh, are you supposed to love something that for jumping for Cloud Slam. Yeah. Oh, are you supposed to love something that's good for Cloud Slam while you're here on Earth?

I'm not saying, like, no stress and I love you, but if you do pick something that's good for Cloud Slam, you'll definitely make it to me. Are my hentai tentacles gonna be good for Cloud Slam? Of course. There's eight of them. Yeah, I think those will probably be pretty good. You can spring with them bangs.

All right. Flopping tentacles. But you should know tickling is illegal, because obviously laughter is the power and the points, but if you tickle, that's illegal, because the laughter should be coming from a memory. You get it. God, it sounds to me like you're just like a creep tick,

like a cuddle party. Yeah, but it also sounds to me like you're way more concerned with Cloud Slam than you are with all of us struggling down here on Earth. I mean, there's terrible things going on down here. I don't know if you've noticed. Like what? Don't say. I don't want to bring everyone down, but I mean, like, just watch.

You're more like the Vince McMahon of Cloud Slam. I actually feel really bad for that, but I'm telling you, when you guys get there and you slam your first cloud, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. And you'll be like, forgive, forget, no stress. I love you. That's kind of what people say up there. I guess so. I just wish you would spend like 10% of your time fixing some stuff down here.

I mean, it's terrible. Scott, literally, I answered all your prayers. Hot wife, comedy career. Yeah. Like those were the ones you wanted. Those were the two that I had, yeah. So like, how can you be like looking at me now and saying this?

I'm more empathetic to the world at large. I know that I'm very lucky. The world at small is what you're gonna think when you're in heaven. Because it's small from up there. It's small from up there? Oh, okay. Here's another question.

So Batman's arch nemesis, the Joker, is he gonna- I love him. Is he, oh, he's gonna go to heaven? Oh, he's already up there. He's dead? Oh, is that real? Is that true? Yeah, he, but he gets, he has ghost permission slips,

so he can still go down and do, sometimes he gets itchy up there. Oh, that stinks, that was like my whole thing. So that, is that why you're never able to find him when he's not? He's dead. So he's just going up to heaven in between all of his adventures.

Well, no, but he has ghost permission slip. Oh, all right, well then, yeah. He's kind of like, hate to say this if he's not your friend, but he's MVP for Cloud 7 because of his laugh. Oh, that stinks. And I'm not gonna lie, cause he's always like trying to poison me and kill me and my family members. Yeah, didn't he, he killed Jason Todd.

Yeah. Yeah. Right, ladies? You know what we're talking about. Jason Todd, I love him. Oh, Jason Todd's doing good? Oh, yeah. He came back though. He's the Red Hood now. Oh, Jason Todd's doing good? Oh, yeah. He came back though, he's the Red Hood now. Anyway. So, I mean, that's kind of a bummer

that you're gonna have to be shoulder to shoulder with Joker when you're up in heaven. You're gonna, it'll feel like sex and you'll love it. But what if it's so bad? It's kind of been like a love hate thing anyway, the whole time. Oh, yeah. I'm happy I get to see him again. I hate, they hate me, boy, my whole thing.

Do you mind not saying hate? Because to me, it sounds like the word fuck. What does the word fuck sound like to you? I hate the joker. Like it's like the biggest curse word you can say in heaven is hate. Wow. It sounds like fuck or like beg your pardon,

cunt or something. Are there consequences in heaven? Spankings, but funny. So do you like them or do you not like them? Everybody likes them. Okay, so there are no consequences. Yeah, because you usually go, mm mm. If you lick your lips, they go, mm mm.

Okay. How about Heaven? Hannah, what do you think? Does Heaven sound good to you? I'm not sure. What about Garbage? Is there garbage in Heaven? Yeah, the band Garbage.

Is the band Garbage in Heaven? Oh yes, I love them. Okay, good. Okay, good. I would say that Heaven sounds really like an indoor adult. Trampoline park? Yeah, trampoline park. It sounds like a laser tag party that I would go to with my daughter and then be bored.

Now you guys are getting it. But be bored with after 45 minutes and be kind of like, can we go? No, it would be like going to a laser tag park with your daughter and becoming your daughter in your mind and being laughed at so heavenly and eternal forever up to cloud. That sounds awesome. You have to admit that sound awesome. It does sound awesome. Yeah.

Can we go right now? No, it's not. Unfortunately, not your time. Because you know why? You didn't decide what your talent is going to be yet. Oh, okay. So the minute I decide, I don't, to be honest, I'm not very talented at anything. You can do suicide if you want, suicide goes. Suicide goes?

Suicide is all good. Okay. No stress. Oh, interesting. Okay, if you're having thoughts about that, of course, call that number. Yeah, but then, you know. But also, no stress.

But no stress as well. Yeah. I mean, this sounds, can you tell us when we're gonna die? Cause it would be great to get my affairs in order and to be able to say those props and you really want to know. You really want to know Scott. Yeah. Do you mind?

Okay. I don't want to tell you the exact date, but yours does involve, and this is kind of cruel, but I made it. Um, please say it does, but I Christmas Christmas. I thought you were going to say it's not that I don't want to give you the exact date, but it does involve Chris. Sorry. Okay.

No, but it does involve Halloween. And, um. Okay, no, but it does involve Halloween. And because you're a comic guy- Is Jeff Probst going to kill me at the Halloween store? It's possible. I love Jeff Probst. You know Halloween happened from one time I kissed my cousin on his birthday and it was the meeting of God and Stanna that made Halloween. Oh.

Whoa. Cool, I guess. Just a little backstory. That's like the special features on a DVD. Oh, okay. Do you have DVDs up in heaven? Of course, we love DVDs, no stress. Oh man. But I wanted to-

So all these DVDs I bought that I'm probably not gonna watch before I get to- You can bring them. You know how they say you can't bring it with you? You can. You literally can. It's like game stuff. Yeah, you can bring anything you want.

But anyway, so your death is gonna be something, something Halloween banana peel, woo woo woo woo woo. Like, thought it'd be funny funny death for you. That's a funny. I guess yeah I mean hopefully not this Halloween, but how many Halloween's do I I don't know. I'm not really good with numbers Oh, yeah, how long do you think the earth has been around by the way? Gotta be at least since the 80s. Mm-hmm Actually, you know why those numbers are there? Because they started when your son died. Oh, that was a bummer because I looked away for one second.

You guys killed him. When you're a parent, you look away for one second, they can get into an accident. No, they literally asked me, getting up to so much not-yet. You were cloud-slamming, I bet. I was, I have to admit, but. And then suddenly it's like.

But then you saw him and he was there and you were playing and it's all good. Yeah. But then he came back, like three days later. Did you give him a permission slip? Is that what happened? Oh, he's back now. He's Hillary Duff now.

Oh, cool. Yeah, so he gets a new chance every once in a while because he's so pissed about that first time. Oh, yeah, yeah. I keep giving him new chances. I kind of want to kill Hillary Duff now, to be honest. Do it! Do it!

You want me? Yes, literally do it. It's fine. That's big. Like, you wouldn't put me in hell for it. No, I wouldn't. I love you too much, what can I say? Yeah, you gotta do something really bad to go down there, I guess. Yeah, you gotta be, like I said, one of the bad guys.

One of the bad guys. Of history. Yeah. Wow, okay, well God, this is so good to know. I mean, you keep saying no stress and I literally have less stress about my life because of it. Yeah, good, good. Yeah, that's awesome. Just getting some of these answers,

and yeah, knowing how the order of the universe works. Yep, and you know, you guys spend so much time looking in the mirror, wondering, like being on treadmill, your body's just gonna be kind of sandwich or bird or whatever you want it to be. So you don't have to worry. So you don't have to worry. So we shouldn't even bother working out,

and even if it leads to an earlier death. Literally, I love earlier death because then I get to cloud slam with you. So die So God wants us all to die as soon as possible, please Feel like this is just for his sport. Yeah, I feel like he's just trying to recruit us Like who dreams God really tall die now, please I'm tall. Yeah, come on. But will I still be tall because I'll be a ham sandwich and all those tentacles?

You can be as tall as a tentacle you want. Okay. So wait, you can deal with that? I've seen the stuff you look at, so I know the tentacles are gonna be pretty long. Okay, all right. Totally. Well, guys, we are running out of time. I hope that doesn't surprise you.

Yes. We only have time for one final feature on the show. And that is of course a little something called plugs. Perhaps we may frighten away the shows of so many years ago with a little self promotion. Hot dogs. Plugs. Plug, plug, plug, plug, plugs.

Plug, plug, plug, plug, plugs. plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, Plugs, plugs, plugs, plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs the Plugs by Matt Springer. Thanks, Matt. I love Matt Springer. I love him so much, literally.

Where's he live? I can't say it, because you're gonna kill him. You want him to play Cloudslam. No, he's gonna kill himself. Jeez. Matt, please don't do that. I love you, no stress. No stress.

What do we plug in? Hannah, so much is going on with you. Mm. Mm, thanks. Season three. Mm. Mm, angst! Season three. Yeah. May 2nd. That's right.

Day after May Day, when we're out there on the Maypole. Woo! With the little ribbons and just running around, singing songs around it. Is that so? Yeah. Is that what, what? Like you're in the Wicker Man or something?

Yeah, I was gonna say, is that a Wiccan tradition? I believe so. I don't know that I'm familiar with. Yeah. Where does the maypole, of what sect celebrates the maypole thing? I can look these answers up for you, but. While I say that the other plug of mine is.

Yeah, exactly. I will say it's a tall wooden pole erected as part of various European folk festivals. Okay, the Euros. That's just off the top of my head, yeah. Okay, well yes, May 2nd, hacks, and my standup comedy special, one hour special on Max at a date that I think I know,

but don't think I can yet say, but stay tuned. Is this Christmas maybe or Halloween? I hope it's, try to make it before Halloween in case Halloween is when I die. So, in case you die. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I wanna see this thing. Yeah, you gotta.

Yeah. You gotta live to see it. Yeah. I'll make sure gotta live to see it. Yeah. I'll make sure you live to see it. What are your props gonna be that you're gonna try to say right before you die? Ooh.

Will you say microphone? Is comedy good up in heaven? Oh, it's hilarious, yeah. Like who's up there? Like, you know, is Richard Pryor up there? Obviously. I can't really tell because like, you know what I mean? We have a lot of comedy teeth.

Cause he's sandwich, et cetera. Yeah, bird leg comedy teeth. I assume those people are comedians. Okay, so, but you are screening out people who are bad at the talent competition? I'm gonna try, but you know, no stress. I love you guys, so it's really hard to pick. Mine is- You're gonna have to really sync it up for me to send you to hell.

Yeah, I'm gonna ask for ballet shoes and ballet outfit. Will you be on point? I love that. Yes. Okay. Full ballet. I'm gonna have music ready for you, a little French chanson. Oh, merci God.

All right. And then anything coming up? I mean, look, you got 10 episodes of a TV show and a one hour special. It would feel greedy to have something else, right? That's gonna be it for you, right? I'll stop there. Okay, good, thanks.

Yeah, save some show business for the rest of us. One million, that's my plan. Okay, great. And Batman, what do you wanna plug? You can check out my podcast, CBBworld.com. That's called dot com, that's called Who Me. It's called Who Me. With the Batman. With the Batman.

And so many great episodes there. Yeah, thanks. There's one that's terrible. Which one? I don't know. Who have you talked to on there? You talked to Black Adam, you talked to- Black Adam, Lois Lane, Superman, Michael Giacchino.

Yeah, that's right. The guy who did the music for- Composer Michael Giacchino. For the last movie, right? Yeah, for the Batman. Yeah, so many great episodes there. And many other films. Yeah, for Lost as well. Almost everything, yeah. Yeah, the Incredibles

I believe Star Trek. Yeah, I know this guy. He's got music just coming out at the wazoo is anus. Yeah That's what I meant when I said wazoo speaking of anus. Yeah May 3rd check out the movie. There's a movie coming out, Unfrosted. Yeah, this is- I'm not involved in any way. I know everyone who's in that. Bobby Moynihan is in that, and I love him. Yeah, he plays Chef Boyardee, I heard.

Finally. It's so funny. Batman, you should be in these movies because your movies, and any movie you're in, gets a ton of people to go watch it. It's true. Like, instead of making Superman 2, they made Batman V Superman just to get people to go watch it. It's true. Like they, instead of making Superman two, they made Batman v. Superman just to get more people to watch it.

It's like, you should just roll right through, you know, uh, unfrosted. Sure. You got your Clooney's, your Kilmes, you know, get them in there. Yeah. But I'll watch unfrosted. This will be the day after I watch hacks. Of course. Yeah.

It comes out the next day. So watch hacks first, which I will do. Yeah. And then when you get bored the next day. So watch hacks first, which I will do. Yeah. And then when you get bored the next day... Here's what you could do. 1130 at night on May 2, you turn on hacks, the clock rolls around tick to midnight, just roll right into Unfrosted. Well, I didn't realize you were a fucking genius. Language?

Pardon. Oh, sorry. I thought you said a hating genius. No. He's not a hater. He's not a hater. Okay. Good, good, good. Great. And God, do you have anything to plug? I mean, obviously, Earth. Thanks for talking to me. Yeah.

I guess, like, you guys know dinosaurs, so they were pranked by me. I put the bones, but there was never any dinosaurs. Oh, there weren't. Yeah. And is the universe only 2,000 years old, like the Christians say? I don't really know math so good. Yeah, all right. Okay.

But Dinosaur Improv Group is going to Chicago on May 2nd and to go watch that would be a really big blessing for me. Whoa. Double premier. Where are they playing? At the Den. The Den? Yes.

Amazing theater. Isn't that awesome? I love the Den. Okay. No stress. No, that sounds amazing. Cool. And-

And to Matt Springer too, I love you buddy. Don't do anything bad to yourself. I think like sometimes even God gets embarrassed. Like I heard myself say that out loud and I thought, why did I say that? But no stress. I love you. Hey, you know, like you're, you're the person, uh, giving consequences. I have to forgive.

Like I even forgive myself. So exactly. Well, that's wonderful. Well, Hey, I want to, uh, mention again, uh, for my plugs, the comedy bang bang tour this summer. We are going out there starting June 13th in Boston. Going to Boston, Brooklyn, Philly, Washington, DC, Durham, Atlanta, St. Louis, Nashville, Tucson,

Phoenix, San Diego, Salt Lake City, Denver, Austin, Dallas, Toronto, Royal Oak, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Indianapolis, Chicago, Madison, St. Paul, Sacramento, Oakland, Portland, Seattle, Indianapolis, Chicago, Madison, St. Paul, Sacramento, Oakland, Portland, Seattle, Vancouver. No Gotham. Now that's an Andrew Skickney ass collection of cities. That's right, we have the same agent.

That's right. No Gotham. Let's go Skick. Come on Skick. Yeah, it's gonna be a mate. Batman, will you be there for any of the shows? I will, but no one ever comes to Gotham. Yeah, why are we not doing Gotham?

No, Gotham's in New York. They just come there and commit fucking crimes. I left that city a long time ago. Right? Everyone did. Hope did. Yeah. But come out and see us. I think the shows must be on sale by now. So go to cbbworld.com slash tour, and you can get ticket links and all that. And come out and see us. It's going be Paul F. Tompkins, myself, and the Comedy Bang Bang All Stars.

We're gonna be out there all summer long. This is the longest tour we've ever done, I feel like. So enjoy it. Come out and see us. Lot of surprises each place. And then also I wanna plug Who Me by the Batman is at CBB World in the CBB Presents feed every

About every month or so. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's close up the old plug bag Please We're gonna have a party We're gonna have a party Hello What's in there? We're gonna have a party. We enter the room and there's nobody left. The party's all but done.

We look to the door and we go to the left. The party's almost done. What is it? Open the plug bag. Dirty Puck! Dirty Puck! What is it? Open up your dirty Puck! Open the plug bag Dirty Puck! Dirty Puck! Open up your dirty Puck!

Open the plug bag So then we open up the door butt Door butt Door butt Door butt Alright, that was Party at the Door Butt by Kaleidoscope's Monkey Trial. Wow, that was good. If you have a plugs theme, either opening or closing, go to cbbworld.com slash plugs. And guys, I want to thank you so much. Hannah, so good to see you again. The

Two Timer Club. I pray that you become a member of the Three Timer Club. Well, I am available. Are you really? Yes. Would love to get that message to you in order to hook that up. Incredible. Yeah. Please go through my people, AKA our people, AKA our person, AKA God.

Excuse me. Oh, God. Oh, you want me to go through God? God, people aka our person aka God. Oh God, oh you want me to go through God? God can I book guest through you? Of course. Literally just talk to me anytime. Okay. I might be you know doing my thing. You're doing your clouds mask.

Yeah exactly. You can always try me. Okay this sounds like that you're not going to be very responsive. Who knows? No stress. I love you. Give it a try. Okay I love you too and Batman.

Hi. You've really lightened up. You came in yourself gloomy. I feel good. I feel good. Hannah is a delight. God is fantastic. I feel no stress. Yeah, this is good. So do you need to be Batman anymore? You could probably just give it all up if you're feeling good. Oh, wait a minute. I just remembered my parents were murdered. Oh, shit. Oh, I'm so sorry. That's my B. I was not watching. Oh, I'm so sorry. That's my B. I was not watching literally.

I'm so sorry. You wouldn't let that happen. I would try to stop it, but I was busy. I think it's happened so many times in so many different iterations. Yeah. Now I'm just numb. It's always Pearls. Are his parents up there in heaven playing Cloud Smash?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. They're chicken on the top and pretzels on the bottom and they are really good at Cloud Smash. Martha probably crushes. Yeah, Thomas. She's got a wide berth. He was, he's not a stethoscope on the bottom,

he was a doctor of course. His dick is a stethoscope. Oh, that's cool. And I give people option, you don't have to have dick or vagina or anything. All right, but he wanted to have a dick. But he really insisted, yeah. He said, I want it to be dick, I want it to be medical dick.

Sounds like dad. Alright, we'll see you next time. Thanks, bye.