Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Jack Quaid, Tawny Newsome, Ben Rodgers

Episode Date: July 8, 2024

Star Trek: Lower Decks co-leads and fan faves Jack Quaid and Tawny Newsome join Scott to talk about what alcohol they would sell together, flipping off the camera, and the latest season of The Boys. T...hen, news cameraman Jack Furz returns to talk about his new wolf cub and falling in love. Later, Escrow Philanthropa drops by to talk about her secret marriage to Jack. Plus, supermodel Janice Dickinson stops by to apologize for her past remarks on America’s Next Top Model.Get tickets for the Comedy Bang! Bang! Into Your Mouth Tour 2024 over at https://CBBWorld.com/tour

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 don't be a nuclear reactor, be a nuclear pro actor. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thanks to Skip Intro for that catchphrase submission. Skip Intro, my good friend Skip Intro, and welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. Special July edition. We're doing special July editions this July, where basically everything in the show is sort of related to the month of July, mainly in the sense of they occur during July and they come out during July. Special July month on Comedy Bang Bang here, and we're
Starting point is 00:01:01 very excited to have it. Coming up a little later, we have a photographer. We also have a supermodel. And before we get to them, my name is Scott Ackerman, by the way. Before we get to them, I want to bring out two of our favorite guests. They're- Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:18 Does that surprise you to be complimented? Yes. Really? Oh. It really does. Does usually people neg you and it works. You do. Does it work? So if by people you mean just you, yes. Just me? Yes. I'm the only one who treats you like this? Yeah, and it works great. Okay. We have a wonderful
Starting point is 00:01:37 relationship. We're very close. I'm happy to be here. They are the, I guess, co-leads of, what are you on the call sheet? You want to work this out? No, I'm going to say Tani is the lead of the show. There's no call sheet. There's no call sheet because you just get told where to go. We all just show up, everyone's number one. But you did do the live action ones and you had to be on the call sheet then. I think it was number 74.
Starting point is 00:02:05 We were both, we were coming in. That'd be crazy. A guest star comes in as number one on the call sheet. That's crazy. We had so many people on the Comedy Bang Bang TV show that people would be sometimes like 986. Because we didn't have a regular cast. And much to the detriment of the budget,
Starting point is 00:02:21 I would bring in new people to do like random two line roles. And so people would get there and go, is this for real? Yeah. 900 and... Are you just trying to psych me out? Yeah. That's a wrap on number 937. But they are the co-leads of the television program,
Starting point is 00:02:38 I like to call it animated, which is... Me too. ...entitled Star Trek Lower Decks, which is on ye olde Paramount Plus, one of the oldest streaming services around, currently in talks to be sold to Skydance. And that's what we are here to talk about. Yes, you want to talk about the deal.
Starting point is 00:03:01 Everyone wants to know our thoughts on the deal. Yeah, we've been put out in front. Yeah. We have our points. We have our talking points. We don't even need them because we know the details so well. Front to back.
Starting point is 00:03:12 Yeah, we don't need talking points. But they play Mariner and the little guy. Yep. He's normal sized. Yeah, Mariner and the little guy. Normal to medium sized people. I think they're both average. They're both average, that's what I mean, they're average.
Starting point is 00:03:27 They're both so average. They're two average characters. But my name is the Little Guy. The Little Guy, Mariner's little friend. On Star Trek Lower Decks, please welcome back Jack Quaid, Tawny Newsome, hello. Hello. Hello. And now we're in the room.
Starting point is 00:03:42 Now you're here. Now we're here. Jack, I have to ask you, we, you know, a lot of people, they go on to these podcasts. Here's the hierarchy of podcasts. Oh, please tell me. Podcast guests.
Starting point is 00:03:54 I need to know. Okay. Finally. Movie stars, number one. We love them. Any movie stars we can get, we'll take them. Okay. Then we'll, TV stars, it's fine. We'll take a TV star.
Starting point is 00:04:05 Okay, cool. Why not? Then you have, usually it's like comedian who has a special. And then you have author. Of a book? Yeah, getting tough. Getting tough.
Starting point is 00:04:22 And then podcast host is down there at the bottom. But we'll take them when you can't get the other things. Snake eating its tail. Yeah, but- Meaning you yourself as a podcast host will take another podcast host. Yeah, if we have to. Okay, all right.
Starting point is 00:04:34 I'm looking at the schedule for the upcoming shows. I have a podcast host coming up. It's big of you. It's great. You know, it's fine. We'll take a podcast host. But you being a TV star, a lot of these TV stars, they come onto these podcasts. Wait, wait, it's fine. We'll take a podcast host. But you being a TV star, a lot of these TV stars, they come onto these podcasts.
Starting point is 00:04:47 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Do you not consider Jack a movie star? Well, he played Mr. Bongo's in Oppenheimer, of course. I mean, one would think. He played Mr. Bongo's in the biggest movie of the summer. Mr. Bongo's. Pardon me, that was not the biggest movie of the summer. Barbie was. What was the biggest movie
Starting point is 00:05:02 of the summer? Barbie. But it was the longest. But were you thinking about my bongos the whole time you were watching Barbie was. What was the biggest movie of the summer? Barbie. But it was the longest. But were you thinking about my bongos the whole time you were watching Barbie? I think so. Wait, you weren't in Barbie? Let me check.
Starting point is 00:05:11 I think, I think- What did you check just now? The ceiling. Your memories. Yeah, cause you looked up to the sky. I did look up to the sky. I think in two years you would be in Barbie. You think-
Starting point is 00:05:21 But it's too early for you to be in Barbie at this point. You think, you think in two years I might have a chance of being in Barbie, a movie that was already made and released? Yeah. I think I have good odds. They might Kevin Spacey out someone who's already in there and just put you in. Is Kevin Spacey is in Barbie?
Starting point is 00:05:34 Well, he was going to be. Oh, no. Bad call. But we get these TV shows. But they cast Margot Robbie instead. Yes. Good. Oh, man. I would love to see that. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:05:43 Just reenacting Barbie in that weird camera he has for the Thanksgiving videos he puts out or the Christmas videos. Oh, Thanksgiving. I guess the camera's not weird, it's just the angles and the lighting. No, my concern is the camera. The camera's the weird thing about that.
Starting point is 00:05:56 My concern is the equipment. I'm like, what is that, a red? But a lot of these TV stars come on and there's a reason I'm not including you in this question, Tawny, it's because it has to do with- Because I'm not on a television show. It has to do with a different project. A lot of these TV stars come on to hype a new season
Starting point is 00:06:12 of a show that they're on. Oh yeah, sure. And you wanna get them on before the season premiere because we wanna make sure that the season premiere, the numbers start really big. We gotta get that CBB bump in. Cause numbers always slide in the middle of the, and then they kind of sometimes tick back up for the end.
Starting point is 00:06:30 But what we here have perfected with you is the mid-season check-in. Mid-season check-in. Welcome to another one. How's the season going? I think pretty well. I think I've been feeling great about it. We're in the middle of it, seems to be going well.
Starting point is 00:06:44 Seems to be going good. You're not promoting it coming out. You're not celebrating its wrath. No, no, no, we don't care if people watch it at this point. In fact, I'd be comfortable with no new viewers from this whatsoever. Sure, you don't need them. All I wanna do is maintain what we have. Exactly, so I just wanna see, how's it going?
Starting point is 00:06:59 It's going good, man. I know you filmed it a long time ago. I filmed it like almost two years ago at this point. How's it feeling now? It's feeling good, man. I know you filmed it a long time ago. I filmed it like almost two years ago at this point. How's it feeling now? It's feeling good. It's out there. It's been, I don't know. It's a weird thing to do a thing
Starting point is 00:07:13 and then think to yourself, yeah, like in a year people might see this. Yeah, I mean, tomorrow is not promised. No, it is not. And no, we had delays because of all the, everyone's nodding solemnly. Yeah, I mean, what I said was really important. I mean, that's, that was,
Starting point is 00:07:32 it rocked everybody else's world. Really did. You filmed this, why was it filmed two years ago? Why is it only now coming up with some stuff? Which we needed to have, but you know, and it took a while. And we gained so much. We gained, look at us, we're all surrounded by gold
Starting point is 00:07:48 and riches and jewels, but yeah. We're pirates as well. Yeah, we're pirates. In our off hours. That's what we gained is that all actors can now legally be pirates. Can now be pirates. Yeah, pirates, yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:58 That was a line item. Yeah, yeah. You should have a Hollywood run in while you're pillaging a ship. So now you play Stewie or someone in this? The little guy. You play Stewie the little guy. Stewie the baby, right?
Starting point is 00:08:10 Yeah. My catchphrase is what the deuce. This is very important. What the deuce, Butcher? We gotta go kill that Homelander. Now this guy's name is Butcher. Yeah. And then he slaughters a bunch of people.
Starting point is 00:08:24 Yeah. Like what's going on a bunch of people. Yeah. Like what's going on with that? Why isn't his name Slaughter? Is that like, yeah, why isn't his name Slaughter? Unless it's because that was a 70s black exploitation movie. His real name is Billy Slaughter. Oh, he changed it for show business? His stage name for the alliteration is Billy Butcher.
Starting point is 00:08:38 Oh, okay. Yeah, gotta have those double B's. Yeah, is it, have you ever been on set and you've been like, God, if I have to say the word fucking butcher one more time. There are occasions where, butcher I've gotten used to, but there are occasions where like, man, I gotta say this word a lot.
Starting point is 00:08:55 It's just not a word that like comes off my tongue easily. What word are you most sick of saying? I'm not sick of saying it, but I did get, I did have to get used to it when Mother's Milk joined the show. It's like a very hard thing to say, but we often abbreviate it to MM. Which is, for some reason it was hard for a while.
Starting point is 00:09:14 I was like, MM! It just sounds like you're messing up a line or something. I'm obsessed with line readings from actors who have obviously never heard the phrase that they're saying, or so they stress a weird word in it or something like that. I always feel like just change it to whatever the person is comfortable saying, because it's gonna stick out. More often than not, that happens,
Starting point is 00:09:36 but then occasionally you'll get a person being like, no, no, no, no, no, you have to say it this specific insane way. Well, I feel like some actors also really paid too much attention in their their subtext class. And so then they're stressing weird words to prove that they've like thought about the words behind the words.
Starting point is 00:09:52 And I'm like, just talk like a person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm all text as an actor. You're all super text. I read the lines and you can tell I'm reading them. Yeah, we watch your eyes darting back and forth. You got the dartiest eyes, man. I'm getting seasick right now.
Starting point is 00:10:07 Yeah, you're reading everything you're saying right now. Now, Jack, you're Hollywood's good boys, we've established. I am Hollywood's good boy. But here's where I feel like you're tarnishing your image because I look at your Instagram. Why? I know.
Starting point is 00:10:20 Let him finish. I need to know how I'm tarnishing my image. I see these pictures on this. I'm holding Tony back now. She is coming for you I'm I see these pictures of you on the set and it seems like every picture you're holding up the middle finger Yeah camera. Yeah, that's not Hollywood's good boy. I know You know a while ago we were like, hey wouldn't that be fun and Oh, it's been a while ago, we were like, hey, wouldn't that be fun? And now that's the thing that we do. And it's all directed, actually, every time that we do it,
Starting point is 00:10:51 we're like, this is for Scott Ackerman. So it is directed at you. Oh, it's personal to me? Yeah, I don't think of it, this is an exclusive for CBB. Every time we're doing it, it's, and by the way, I wasn't doing the show at the time. I was just like, maybe one day I'll be able to reveal this. So you corral everyone in there, explain who I am.
Starting point is 00:11:08 And then they're like, oh yeah, I'm more than happy to do this. And the explanation takes a long time. Cause they're like, wait, it's a show? And it's like, well, it was a show. Yeah, there was like a golden period of five years. But really it's the podcast. I'll be like, I'm like, in a few years
Starting point is 00:11:24 when I'm finally on that show, Scott will say that I'm tarnishing my reputation and then the ace I'll have up my sleeve. Is that, I've been flipping him off this entire time. I've been flipping him off the whole time. Well, I sincerely- But yeah, you're right, it's not Hollywood Good Boy material. I sincerely hope you'll retire that behavior.
Starting point is 00:11:38 I'm thinking about it. Wow. I'm thinking about it. Are you accepting pitches from new- I also have the thumbs up in there. That's to offset my middle finger. It doesn't balance out. It doesn't. You need something in between.
Starting point is 00:11:51 To me the middle finger is so flagrant and just so obscene. I know. That a thumbs up, a pure Fonzie does not negate. Okay, so do I need something in the middle, in between? Yeah, are you accepting pitches for new hand gestures to cleanse your image? Yes, I would love to cleanse my image.
Starting point is 00:12:07 Pinky up like you're sipping a cup of tea. But then I'm a little fancy boy. And I don't wanna be that. Well, if the shoe fucking fits. Maybe, but to counterbalance how terribly you just sip my tea in anger. I'm sorry. That middle finger is?
Starting point is 00:12:22 I just have to stop and act like Jack Quaid, you're not a little fancy boy. I'm one of your closest in anger. I'm sorry. That middle finger is? I just have to stop and act like Jack Quaid, you're not a little fancy boy. I'm one of your closest friends. Name one time. Every time we've gone disco dancing. That's the fanciest thing I've ever done, you're right. I'm like, wow, look at that disco ball. You think it's made of diamonds?
Starting point is 00:12:38 So many different things hurt your stomach. Yeah, but just that. That makes you a little fancy boy who could only have fancy fine treats. Having any kind of like IBS or anything, that does not make me a little fancy boy. Yeah, because you can only have little fancy refined dishes and meals like a little cat eating out of a crystal dish. I'm just going to eat my kumquats in peace.
Starting point is 00:12:57 There you go. That's the fanciest fruit there is. It is. I like the idea that disco balls are made of diamonds. This is a good heist movie. Like during the disco craze of the seventies, they didn't know, they're just like, oh yeah, this diamond thing up there. And then someone comes in to steal
Starting point is 00:13:10 and they have to pose as disco dancers. Yeah, that's how they laundered all their money is like all of it's in the fucking disco ball. I need you guys to write this for me. Okay. Okay, Tawny you're a writer now. I am, apparently. You're writing one of those star, star,
Starting point is 00:13:25 What are you gonna say? star tours movies? Yeah, I'm writing a star tours movie where everybody hops on a bus and goes and looks at Al Pacino's house. It's wild. I like when that guy from Breaking Bad, he goes out to the passing buses and he goes out and says hi to them all.
Starting point is 00:13:45 And I'm doing that. Which guy from Breaking Bad? The young one. Jesse Pinkman? Yeah, Jesse Pinkman. Oh my God, he does? He's like in all of them ever? I always thought those were fake.
Starting point is 00:13:53 It could be. But it works on me. Yeah, I always thought it was like, ah, that's so and so's house and then it's just not. Oh yeah, no, I think they actually do pass by his house and if he ever sees one, he goes out and says hi. No, damn. Like climbs into the bus and like, damn, talks to them for a while. It's just like a full bus of people pass by his house. And if he ever sees one, he goes out and says hi. And climbs into the bus and talks to them for a while.
Starting point is 00:14:07 It's just like a full bus of people who know his address. That's crazy. And confirm that he's sluggish. I hate that. Make plans to come back that evening. Yeah, I will be here. I also saw a picture of him and the other man from Breaking Bad in a Costco selling tequila.
Starting point is 00:14:23 Yeah, they have that tequila thing. Do you guys think that you're gonna start selling alcohol? Because I think the markup on alcohol is so high, that's why all these stars are getting into it, you know? Yeah. So you got, George Clooney has his tequila thing, which he sold for millions and millions of dollars. Sure, sure, sure. Hundreds of millions. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:38 To the extent where I think at a certain point, he just like went around to every single person he'd ever met and just gave him a million dollars. It was like, here you go. That's nice. Here you like, here you go. That's nice. Here you go. Here you go. But now Ryan Reynolds has his gin.
Starting point is 00:14:51 I'm gonna get a gin. He got stuck with gin. I feel bad for him. You know what I mean? I feel like Hollywood got together and they were like, who's gonna take gin? And they were like, the Canadian. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:59 The Canadian. I will say if I ever have a drink, Tawny, we're going in on this together. Have you ever had a drink? I've never had a drink, no. Really? I had a drink, a cocktail named after me in a bar in North Carolina once. No, sorry, Kentucky, so you know it's awesome.
Starting point is 00:15:18 But that was it. That was it. Oh, meaning I was asking if you've ever tasted the- Have I ever had a drink? Yes. Yes. Okay, you have to really think about it. Oh, meaning I was asking if you've ever tasted the- Have I ever had a drink? Yes. Yes. Okay, you have to really think about it. Hold on. Drink, we're all saying the right word, right?
Starting point is 00:15:31 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, drink, that's how, I think it's pronounced drink? I don't believe in that. You don't believe in that? I don't believe in that. Okay, interesting. So are we gonna sell an alcohol together? I think let's sell an alcohol together.
Starting point is 00:15:44 Okay. We gotta start, what do you think it is? Is it vodka, are we tequila an alcohol together? I think let's sell an alcohol together. Okay. We gotta start, what do you think it is? Is it vodka, are we tequila people, or? Grain. We're just gonna sell grain? Grain alcohol, yeah. Okay. Bathtub alcohol.
Starting point is 00:15:53 I think just ethanol, like just pure ethanol. Pure ethanol. We're gonna sell rubbing alcohol together. Yeah, Jack and Tawny's pure ethanol. Pure. You just misunderstood. Pure fucking ethanol. Oh man, this is gonna make us a mint.
Starting point is 00:16:07 Yeah. You're just doing rubbing alcohol. There's no, like, it's all markup because there's no production whatsoever. We just get it from a plant of some sort. Yeah. We put it in bottles or you can bring your own bottle. No, no.
Starting point is 00:16:19 You have to bring your own bottle and it's just, it's just a little like a faucet that we're gonna put on like Wilshire Boulevard. I like the idea of bringing your own bottle to things. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because here's my theory about liquids, okay? I've been waiting.
Starting point is 00:16:33 I'm sorry, what are we talking about? Okay, here's my theory about liquids. So drinks, yes, AKA drinks. So it used to be you'd go down to the pond and you would say, I'm thirsty and you'd stick your fucking mouth down there and lap it up, right? You just hope an alligator doesn't come and get you.
Starting point is 00:16:50 Yeah, we hope, sure. We hope. But then people got so lazy, they're like, you know what? I'm gonna cup my hands like this, put it in the pond and then bring that up to my mouth. And then people were like, oh, I don't even wanna bother with that. So they created these things we call glasses or cups. to my mouth. And then people were like, oh, I don't even wanna bother with that.
Starting point is 00:17:05 So they created these things we call glasses or cups. And then we scoop the water into the pond and then bring it up to our mouth. And then we all got so lazy that they're like, I don't even wanna bring it up to my mouth. We invented these tubular things that come out of the glasses so we can just sit on our lazy fucking asses. So you wanna take us back to a pre-cup society.
Starting point is 00:17:26 Yes. You want to go back to the pond. Yes. You're a pre-industrial revolutionary. I need to be back at the pond. Yeah, you want to just, but it extends to all areas of your life. You want to just put your mouth on things directly. Yes.
Starting point is 00:17:38 You don't want to involve hands. Why are we creating something called a gin for this cotton? I just want to put my mouth on it. I mean, you can put your mouth on most things. Just that sentence shorted me out. I have your permission, I have consent? Hold on a second. That sentence shorted me out.
Starting point is 00:17:55 You're done? I think I'm done. Yeah, okay, cool. I think I have to go. You're done? Is that okay? I know we said we'd do this together, but I- No, no, no, it's fine.
Starting point is 00:18:02 I think that hurt me in some way. If you have to go, that's fine. I think I got it. You're gonna go? I don't no, it's fine. I think that hurt me in some way. If you have to go, that's fine. I think I got it better. You're gonna go? I don't know if it's the heat or what. Okay, the heat is on as Glen Fry once cautioned America. Something about this is making me feel like I'm on like drugs that someone I don't trust gave me. I did turn off the air conditioning.
Starting point is 00:18:16 That's what's happening. Right when you came into the room. I feel like I'm gonna pass out. It's like interrogation techniques. Yeah. Am I being interrogated? I don't know. What do you have to confess? So many things. Well, now that you're here,
Starting point is 00:18:28 I guess we'll interrogate you. I feel like I'm in trouble. I feel like I'm in danger. No, stick around, Tawny, stick around. We want, we need your wise counsel here, comedy bang bang. Okay. Because coming up, we have a photographer. I want you to talk to the photographer.
Starting point is 00:18:43 Is that all right? Yeah, I love that. Yeah. That's all right with you? Yeah, I just feel like overwhelmed right now. It's okay. I mean, that happens on this show. Does it?
Starting point is 00:18:52 You know, it's a lot, it's sensory overload. I have a tendency to say overlord. It's sensory overlord. You feel like a sensory overlord. This is not a bad idea. All hail the sensory overlord. By the way, sensory overlord is not a bad idea for my Spider-Man comics.
Starting point is 00:19:07 Okay. Pretty good. Writing it down. All right, there we go. So what does the sensory overlord do? Just show up with like a bunch of stuff that smells? Yes. He just overwhelms people. And he's in charge of them all because he's the overlord.
Starting point is 00:19:19 He's playing a theremin. He's got a bunch of shit that smells. I like this, okay. You're gonna see this pop up. A bunch of shit that smells. This is where I take. You're gonna see this pop up. A bunch of shit that smells. This is where I take pitches for this, the things I'm writing right now. All right, so what's happening with the boys?
Starting point is 00:19:31 It's ending in a couple of weeks? Yes, it's ending, what are we on? Episode five, just- Maybe six. When this comes out, episode six will have come out. And then, what is there, eight? And then, yeah, then we got two more and then we're done. And then we have one more season and then we're done.
Starting point is 00:19:46 Was that a surprise to you when they all came out and they were like, hey, the boys ending with season five. Actually, no, I knew for quite a while. Really? I knew for quite a while. Me too. I incited Tony. But I wasn't supposed to.
Starting point is 00:20:01 I broke the NDA to tell my friend. No, it was, yeah, I'm happy that we're- Did they tell you so you could plan your money out? Yeah, probably. Plan your money out. Just plan it all out. Yeah, studios are really worried about how actors plan their money out.
Starting point is 00:20:16 They're like, we really want you to be able to plan, be stable financially, not be crazy. Well, you know, all these athletes, they get hired onto a team and they buy a million things, and then they're cut from the team like 12 weeks, or maybe more germane to your interests. People get a pilot on a show and then they go buy sports cars.
Starting point is 00:20:35 That was more germane to my interest. Thank you so much. I love sports cars. I love sports cars. Two sports metaphors though, a sports car and an athlete. Yeah, that's both of us right here. I mean, an athlete in a sports car. That, a sports car and an athlete. So I don't know. That's both of us right here. I mean, an athlete in a sports car. That's double sports, baby.
Starting point is 00:20:49 And that's what they call double sports. If you ever see an athlete in a sports car, walk up to them, point at them and say, and that's what they call double sports. That's what they call double sports, baby. They'll know exactly what you're talking about. Oh man. And then they're legally obliged to look at you. And give us... Legally obligated.
Starting point is 00:21:06 CBB nod. To look at you and go, aye. Yeah. They're much obliged. That's not bad, those two fingers that you just did. Maybe that'll be my new gesture. Yeah, that would be all right. Thank you. Thank you all.
Starting point is 00:21:15 Yeah, two fingers. It's all about two fingers. So did you plan your money out? Oh yeah. So you planned your money... I'm putting it all in our ethanol company. So you planned your money out okay. You knew that they were ending. Do you know your money- Putting it all in our ethanol company. So you planned your money out okay, you knew that they were ending.
Starting point is 00:21:25 Do you know your final line? Yeah, it's gotta be something like, A, I think that's it. What about, could I punch this up a little bit? What about like- In the show I go, can I punch this up a little bit as Huey, as Stewie? As Stewie.
Starting point is 00:21:44 As Stewie, the little one. Butcher. Butcher. That's my Stewie impression, not good. Butcher question mark. But not horrible. Oh man, what is my fucking name gonna be? Should it be something like...
Starting point is 00:21:54 I haven't thought about that yet. Boys. I think it should be. That's what, you really have to call it the boys. I guess we really are the boys. Yeah, I guess all along... Now we're men. All along we've it the boys. I guess we really are the boys. Yeah. I guess all along. Now we're men. All along we've been the boys.
Starting point is 00:22:08 Mm-hmm. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. And then you play a guitar. Then I play a guitar. And it's revealed that the score has been me. Has been you the entire time. Yeah, yeah. You've been sort of like-
Starting point is 00:22:17 Rocking out. Doing the Mad Max Fury Road. Yeah. Kinda like, you know. Yeah. Yeah. On a bungee jumping. That guy has a name.
Starting point is 00:22:24 Does he? And it's an insane name. What if he was like Seth? It would. Oh, no, he's called like the doof warrior. I'm not joking. I love it. What? Like the word doof is in there. D.O.O.F. I love him. I don't like it. God bless the Mad Max verse. Now, did that trigger you more or me saying you can put your mouth on most things? I think a lot of it is over. You folded your arms.
Starting point is 00:22:44 You are so closed off right now. I really, I've shut down. I need you to be open, I need you to be responsive. Okay, Scott, we have to interrogate her about something. I feel safe. We're already halfway there. I feel like- You have skeletons in your closet.
Starting point is 00:22:55 I have a skeleton in my body that feels threatened right now. Hmm. Let's get that skeleton out of your body. So you admit it. Yeah, admit I have bones and they all feel in danger. Wouldn't it be great if like- You're surrounding me, talking nonsense. Wouldn't it be great if instead of your whole body
Starting point is 00:23:11 going to sleep, if like you could just take off your skin, it goes to sleep on your bed, meanwhile your skeleton walks around at night and gets chores done. Scott, I'm sorry, I'm right where Tommy is right now. Now we both feel. I have never hated a concept worse in my life. You can get so much done.
Starting point is 00:23:28 What is the thought process that your whole body goes to sleep? A, B, why does only your skin need sleep? I don't know, but wouldn't it be great? What kind of chores can a skeleton do? So that's just beauty rest really is what we're talking about, right? For your skin to like get remain toy.
Starting point is 00:23:44 I'm gonna have the guys in R&D work on this. I feel sick. Oh God. And then like, what would you do? I'd wanna sleep. Sometimes I just wanna. Where's your brain go? Sometimes I wanna.
Starting point is 00:23:53 Where's your brain go? My skeleton, I would assume is asleep when I'm asleep. You can have half your brain. Your brain is neither bones nor skin. Where does it go? Your skin, your brain is an organ and your skin is organ. So it's all your organs all the time. So you guys remember Inside Out Boy?
Starting point is 00:24:08 Remember that? No. What is Inside Out Boy? Well, it terrified me as a kid. So this is probably why I hate this concept. Is this a superhero based on the Pixar franchise? No, it was like a short that they would play on Nickelodeon like kind of during commercial breaks.
Starting point is 00:24:20 And it was about a kid that this was the science behind it. He swung over, he was on a swing and he swung over the bar like all the way. And then when he emerged, he was Inside Out Boy and you could see all his organs and they're all like moving. And I lost my mind every time that came out. So I hate this concept.
Starting point is 00:24:38 But you did just pitch a perfect Inside Out Boy movie for 2024. This is not bad. Write it down. Okay, I'm writing it down. Write it down. Well, The Boys is out now. Mid-season of course, we've checked in.
Starting point is 00:24:50 We've taken the temperature on this season and we are going to allow it to continue. Yeah. And this podcast, thank God. Cause the show sends me as their emissary every single time. We gotta check in to see like, should we finish this? Yeah, okay, all right. In fact, I will allow the season to end
Starting point is 00:25:10 and I will allow season five to start. Wow. Production. Okay, all right. Yeah. Gotta start packing up and going to Toronto then. Is that how you shoot in Toronto? Yeah, we shoot in Toronto. Notice how I'm not pronouncing the second T, Toronto people.
Starting point is 00:25:23 Toronto. Toronto is how they want you to say it. Toronto. They'll kill you. They hate you. They hate it. But it's part of it. Are you gonna be up there in August?
Starting point is 00:25:32 I'm gonna be up there, I actually don't know exactly when, but I'm assuming sometime in the fall. And I'll be out there. When are you out there? Are we trying to meet up? Is this what's happening? Wait, I have a tour stop there. Oh, consider me for the tour.
Starting point is 00:25:46 Consider me. I mean, you would have to be there. This is my FYC campaign for being on the tour. Consider me. If you were up there, I mean, I would have you. God, I'd love to be up there. All right. In August is when you're going?
Starting point is 00:25:58 I'll give you all those dates. Rats. In fact, I'll mention them at the end of the show. Anyway, we have to take a break. So my address is. Oh dear. When we come back, we're gonna to have a photographer. We also have a supermodel packed show. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang.
Starting point is 00:26:16 We are back. Jack Quaid, this season check-in of The Boys. Going great, baby. It's going good, going good. I said great, but sure, I'll take it. Sure, okay, sure. Six episodes, we're gonna give it the A-okay to go to seven and eight. And that's where it ends for this year. I know. And then-
Starting point is 00:26:37 See you next year for, I'm getting kind of emotional, our final mid-season check-in. I know that's gonna be, I don't know what I'll do without these mid-season check-ins that we do. I just don't know what I'll do without these midseason check-ins that we do. I just don't know. I mean, will the... Can you get on another show?
Starting point is 00:26:49 I don't think so. I know! I know, because the perfect time for a midseason check-in is after the fifth episode of an eight season run. And I just don't know where else I'm gonna get that. Where are you gonna get it? Yeah, other TV shows have 22. Or just two episodes. I liked one streamer I was talking with,
Starting point is 00:27:09 first you try to sell like 22 episodes and then you're like, okay, we only do 12. And then it went down to, we only do 10. Then now people are saying like, we do eight or six. One streamer I was talking to was like, can you make it one episode just a special and make it really cheap? I was like-
Starting point is 00:27:24 They're just saying the quiet part out loud like, this is the business these days. Anyway, the boys is doing well though. I hope you have some of the backend on that. No backend? It's a TV show. You got points? It's a TV show. You get backend.
Starting point is 00:27:40 It's a streaming TV show. Still, you should get some points. I would love some points. You didn't get points. It's a streaming, it's a streaming TV show. Still, you should get some points. I would love some points. You didn't get points. It's not, there's no box office. No, there's points on TV shows. There's points on TV shows? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:52 Oh, I gotta call somebody. Oh my God. I'm so happy we're having this mid-season check-in. Oh yeah, you got it. Before this next season starts, you gotta get at least one point. I'm gonna be furious. Oh my word.
Starting point is 00:28:02 We also have Tawny Newsome here. Oh. Oh. I just ate a bunch of M& We also have Tawny Newsome here. Oh. Oh. I just ate a bunch of M&Ms and I kind of freaked myself out. Okay, you are still here, yeah. Those weren't M&Ms by the way. Those were hallucinogens.
Starting point is 00:28:13 Why? Why are they in a bowl? You know, just so people can partake. We need to get to our next guest. He's a photographer. He's been on the show several times. He, I guess, photographer is maybe the wrong word. You're a camera man. News camera man, Scott.
Starting point is 00:28:32 News camera man, yeah. And it is a grind. You do photograph things. I try. I try to get into photojournalism to cover real news, but they don't even let me out of the studio right now. When you say photograph, it implies a still image perhaps, but one can also photograph a movie. So it can imply the verb meaning photographing moving images. So I wasn't wrong. You're not on trial, Scott.
Starting point is 00:28:59 Tawny is. I feel like I am. Do you know, by the way, this is Jack Furze. Hi. I don't think we've met. way, this is Jack Furze. Hi. Jack Furze. You haven't met Jack Furze? No, no, no. Jack Furze.
Starting point is 00:29:09 Yeah, if you ever wander through KTLA, I might film you. Oh, walker. I'm freelancing for them right now. They have me doing in-studio stuff. Okay. I've never been on the news. Okay. You've never been on the news?
Starting point is 00:29:20 No, I've never done anything to warrant, like I've never done anything wrong to get on there. You've never been like a bystander who's said like- I try not to stand by- You keep pushing this narrative of you've done nothing wrong, but you're- I am innocent. We are interrogating you. I know if you did something wrong, I'd know about it.
Starting point is 00:29:33 Oh, Jack. All right. Sorry, I'm just like, I stay on top of who does what. You're in the news business. I'm in the news business. Okay. Obviously. I actually have been to KTLA Five once.
Starting point is 00:29:44 I did a little morning segment there. With Sam Rubin, the late great Sam Rubin. The late great. Nice show. It's a lovely studio. Do you like it there? You know, I prefer more in-field stuff. Okay, okay.
Starting point is 00:29:58 You're like a man, are you a man on the street guy? I tried, yeah. They sent me to the zoo to film the condor being born but I smell so much like wolves, all the animals went crazy. Oh yeah, why do you smell like wolves? I smell like wolves, I have two pet wolves, big news, I have a new pup, I have a new cub. Oh congratulations. Yeah, one of my smoke bombs went off in my wolf van and- Why do you have smoke bombs? Well we've been through this before. It creates haze when I fill in things. Oh yeah yeah. You guys know haze, a smoke machine sometimes.
Starting point is 00:30:31 Yeah, like the kind of thing. It creates texture. Yeah yeah, but you do this in like real environments. Well I like to, you know, beef things up just a little bit. Okay. You know, smoke bombs are a big part of it. Have you ever done this for like a crime scene or something like, you know, or something where you wouldn't want to smoke bombs? Really? Oh, yeah. I mean, doesn't that contaminate everything? The evidence?
Starting point is 00:30:52 Yeah. What are they going to do? What are these police going to do with some of this evidence? I mean, not like they have the laboratory techniques that can actually solve these crimes. This is one thing about Jack Furze. He rails against the inept police here of the LAPD. Well, I just think no one's talking about this guy, the Night Wolf, enough who is actually trying to solve some of these crimes. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm confused, because you have wolves, and now you're talking about the Night Wolf. That's right. That's a weird coincidence that has been brought up.
Starting point is 00:31:21 Yes, both myself and the Night Wolf have wolves. Mine are named Justice and Payback, and now Vengeance. Actually, just- There's a third wolf? There's a puppy named Vengeance. Named Vengeance. Vengeance got hurt pulling me out of the van. She now runs kind of my computer stuff back at my house.
Starting point is 00:31:40 What computer stuff do you do? Just my maps and things. Oh, Google Maps. She's a very well-trained wolf. So, okay. My Google Maps, Pinterest, Yelp. So, hold on a second. Hold on a second. Yes. Because I'm a nerd and Scott, you write comic books.
Starting point is 00:31:56 This guy's the Night Wolf, right? What? Okay. I don't think so. No, we've been through this before and I'll address the elephant in the room. It seems like the puppy is kind of your like Oracle character who like helps you from like a room with screens, no? Huh. It's just, I mean...
Starting point is 00:32:13 I'm not getting that. Clearly there's some overlap. We both go to the same wolf jitsu gym. We both have pet wolves. But the, and he also now has a new cub himself. I noticed that in some of my footage. Do we know the name of the cub? Is it also Vengeance?
Starting point is 00:32:27 He just refers to them just kind of, I don't know if it's the name. Wolf number one, wolf number two. I don't know if he's just saying Vengeance because that's the craziest thing. Are they masked? They are masked. Yeah, like Ace the Bat-Hound was.
Starting point is 00:32:39 Yes, PETA does not like that. Yeah. So we don't know the identity of these wolves. Right, because that's how you tell a wolf's identity is by their face. Yeah. Peter unmasked me when I was helping the Night Wolf and I was wearing his costume. Peter doxed you? Yeah. Hold on, what happened? You were helping the Night Wolf? I was helping the Night Wolf and he was like, hey, can you stand up here in my costume to throw people off? And then a bunch of people from PETA got me and they ripped my costume off. What a weird coincidence.
Starting point is 00:33:06 You were helping him. So they thought they were unmasking the Nightwolf. Right. But they were really just unmasking you, a common newsman. Just a man wearing the Nightwolf's costume who has smoke bombs. Sir, did you go to journalism school?
Starting point is 00:33:22 All self-taught. Cool. School of the streets. I mean, that's the only way to learn, really, Tony. But certainly you must know. You can kind of tell. Let's go out and do it. You can kind of tell because I've seen a lot of your footage, and it seems like very stationary.
Starting point is 00:33:36 It's almost like the camera's been... It's been placed in places. Yeah, and doesn't move and just kind of like captures whatever comes into frame. That's important. Yeah, it's an important skill that I picked up. You just kind of use duct tape, you duct tape it to a lamp post or whatever is around tall buildings.
Starting point is 00:33:53 And then what are you doing while the camera's shooting? Yeah. Me, I'm just doing stuff. I'm just like, you know, framing the shots and things. But you're not touching the camera. Scott, I'm in love. Oh, this is big news. Big news.
Starting point is 00:34:08 That was all- Sorry, I'm just so excited. Territory that's been previously- I don't wanna get off topic. No, no, this is our ambition. And I'm not trying to change the subject. You guys aren't backing me into a corner or anything. So who are you in love with, my good fellas?
Starting point is 00:34:23 Well, her name's Alma. Alma, beautiful. As Scott knows, I've been quite unlucky in love. How do I, I don't think I did know that. I brought it up on the show before. Doesn't mean I know it. I usually forget anything anyone says the minute they say it. A lot of my ex-wives and fiancees have met very sad ends,
Starting point is 00:34:42 very tragic ends. I don't remember this actually. Oh God, okay. Yes, but now I feel like I'm in love for the first time. She's great. Oh, congratulations. She's great with vengeance. Oh, okay, meaning your pet wolf.
Starting point is 00:34:56 That's right, yeah, they love her. All the wolves love her. What is her story, if you don't mind me asking? Well, her father was a whistleblower to a corporate entity, and they entrusted her with very important secret information, so you know she's trustworthy. Yeah, it seems like it, yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:11 So how did you two meet? Well, we ran, I was visiting some criminals for information on a story in the insane asylum where her ex-husband has just escaped from. So they were asking her things. Yeah. Oh, interesting. I haven't heard anyone call it that in a while. The Insane Asylum?
Starting point is 00:35:29 No. Looney bin, you prefer? Yeah, I just like a more, I know there's a more updated term. Sorry, I don't mean it. That's where the men with the butterfly nets send those whack jobs. This is the last real Insane Asylum in the country, right?
Starting point is 00:35:43 They have those like really scary steel gates. That's right. Her ex-husband escaped from there. Yeah, straight jackets, people screaming. Yes, yes, he's always doing that. What an incredible meat cube. Yeah. So how did you come,
Starting point is 00:35:57 you were there interviewing these prisoners? I was interviewing prisoners to see, get a temperature of the streets, and she was there getting asked questions about where she goes, will her ex-husband come after her, things like that. But she's very brave. She puts her address out in public. I mean, she has her stuff out in public even more than Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Bad.
Starting point is 00:36:18 Oh, so you know about that too. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. Wow. I was just mentioning that. Now, do you know, as someone who, you know, you have a feel for the streets and you've reported on crime. That's right.
Starting point is 00:36:30 Do you think that that was a safe thing for Jesse Pickman to do? I mean, it really shows a lot of guts because you're asking for trouble and I know Alma can handle it. I mean, her address is there for whoever finds it. And I mean, she's witnessed some brutal, brutal crimes. Soul witness. Soul witness. Wow. Why is she always there and alone?
Starting point is 00:36:51 It's wild, right? She just has that, luckily Irish. Oh, she's Irish. Oh, she's Irish. Alma is a very Irish name. You don't know? You've never asked her? I've never asked, actually. That's what's so fun about this relationship. There's so much more to learn. We just, it's like an onion.
Starting point is 00:37:05 We just never ask each other questions ever. No, we just always discover things when we're on our walks. Yeah, oh, where do you walk to? Like the reservoir or? I'm more of a rooftop stroller. Oh, that's some good exercise I've heard. It's really good for the upper body, climbing the fighter escapes and ladders.
Starting point is 00:37:24 Yeah, yeah, just traversing across climbing the fighter escapes and ladders. Yeah Wow, just traversing across the city that way. Yeah, keep up with me and I was tough. Yeah incredible Well, congratulations. Are there wedding bells in your future? I hope so. Yeah, we are Looking at venues. There's this great place near where a lot of recovering drunk drivers are practicing their driving skills. Are they recovering from the driving or from the drinking? Because the structure of that sentence, I'm sorry, I ate a bowl full of hallucinogens earlier, so I'm in a weird place. No, there's this school that helps drunk drivers get better at it.
Starting point is 00:38:02 Get better at drunk driving? Yeah, so they don't, so they're a little less reckless. So we have this great venue right next to that. It's right near the exit of that building. Yeah. I would hate to be a valet there. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:15 They tip great. They don't know what, yeah, they haven't planned their money out. And look, you gotta plan your money out. Yeah, exactly. They tip really good. Yeah. So that's, I mean.
Starting point is 00:38:27 So that's a feature of the venue. Yeah. The feature of the venue is, I mean, I think that's why it's cheap, because there's, people are always coming and going. And there's a gun store right next door where a lot of these people can, they kind of skirt some of the, the, the.
Starting point is 00:38:43 Are you, can I ask you a question? It's kind of personal. Are you hoping for some sort of incident at your wedding? Just a great, memorable time. I don't know, next to the gun store and the drunk driving assistance program. Yeah, it seems like you're tempting fate. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:58 I think we're gonna be fine. I mean, she's a tough cookie. I think... A tough Irish cookie. She's a tough Irish cookie, maybe. And the thing is, we're gonna, I don't make a lot of money at KTLA. Sure.
Starting point is 00:39:13 Yeah, because you're freelance. I'm freelance, yeah. And you're mainly getting footage of this guy, the Nightwolf, right? And your boss is always saying, get me pictures of the Nightwolf, right? So are you trying to stage some sort of like- I'm trying to sell him on the Nightwolf.
Starting point is 00:39:25 They're not interested. They think he's a loser. Whoa. Oh, yeah. A guy with that many wolves? Yes. Can you believe- they think he makes things worse. It's interesting.
Starting point is 00:39:35 I don't know if I've heard that take before on the Nightwolf. I'm glad you guys didn't mention my tattoo. That is across my face and nose that says I'm the Nightwolf. Yeah, well. I mean, I just kind of figured it was ironic. I thought it was art. Yes. I thought it was maybe something Peeta tattooed on you
Starting point is 00:39:51 in anger or. No, no, no. This was kids. This is a July show, right? Yeah. Okay, well kids were. It's the special July month show in July. Yeah. Okay, well, then everybody will understand this.
Starting point is 00:40:03 I was on a rooftop stargazing and some kids decided to fire off fireworks at me. At you? Yes. They fired. They thought they were screaming, Jack's a peeper. There's the night wolf. They're really going at me. Wow.
Starting point is 00:40:23 Wow. And they fired fireworks at me. One of them knocked me out. Damn. You know what's funny is now that I'm thinking about it, the Nightwolf also has a tattoo on his face that says I'm the Nightwolf. Yes, I'm glad you brought that up.
Starting point is 00:40:36 That is interesting. So clearly he had a similar run in with these kids. Right, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a crime spree. Because I'm like, how are they gonna know? Because the tattoo is what I think. It's very similar.
Starting point is 00:40:47 They definitely use the same stick and poke technique. Yeah, interesting. I woke up like this. I was out. Yeah, I woke up like this. Interesting. Well, I mean, this all sounds- That was good, Scott.
Starting point is 00:41:01 Hey, I gotta give it to you, man. That was good. You don't have to. I got, amen. I've been around give it to you, man. That was good. You don't have to. I got it, man. I've been around this business a long time. You got me. I mean, not really.
Starting point is 00:41:09 You kind of just started being a camera person a few years ago. I woke up like this, brother. It's kind of like your career is in its infancy. Yeah, I'd like to think that, yes. I mean, you haven't even really made very much money doing it. No, no, you do it because you love it, you got a prestigious like job at KTLA. Yes hard to get. Yeah filming the condor Yeah, birth. Oh god I did I was so excited for that job all the animals went out of their mind because of my smell because the wolf smell
Starting point is 00:41:39 Yeah, yeah, and not just the mammals you would think that it's it's I didn't the would think that. I didn't. The fish? I didn't think anything. Oh, you do? Okay, yes, sir, the fish. Wow. And you would think, like, how do they smell? I'm no scientist. I do a lot of scientific stuff.
Starting point is 00:41:57 Like what? You make your own smoke bombs? I make my own smoke bombs. Tell me another scientific thing you're doing. My last smoke bomb guy, he had a smoke bomb guy. He was having a problem with him though, right? He was being a real hard ass. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:12 So I had to start making them myself. So it requires having chemicals in your apartment. Cursory scientific degree. Yeah, so what other stuff do you make? Do you make like? What other science stuff? Fingerprint kits. Okay.
Starting point is 00:42:24 Is that just an ink pad? Well, yeah, and you need some dust. You need dust. Do you need dust if it's just an ink pad? Like what's a fingerprint kit? Well, that's to get the fingerprints off fingers. Oh, okay. Then you need the dust to get it off of various cars.
Starting point is 00:42:42 So what are we talking about? Makeup brush and some dust? Mm-hmm, that's science, baby. I see you also have a collection of wolf arangs with you. Yeah, what's going on with those? Why did you bring all these wolfshame boomerangs? Yeah, why did you bring these wolf arangs? Well, the wolf arangs are very helpful when it comes to capturing the news.
Starting point is 00:43:01 Oh. Yeah, if you need to get a shot that's in a building off across from you, you could throw a wolf ring at it. And what would that do? Well, it stays in the building and you can attach it. Oh, I thought you were trying to get the building nearer to you.
Starting point is 00:43:16 Oh boy. I mean, that would have been my first thought. Yes, if I was stronger, and actually depending on the building, I could. Yeah, really? What do you mean? Mm-hmm. Why did you say yeah?
Starting point is 00:43:28 I went from yeah to really to not even knowing what you're talking about. Explain this. Okay, a lot of buildings haven't been retrofitted here. Okay. And if it hasn't been retrofitted, that thing's shaky as hell. Sure. Yeah, but it's not earthquake proof. You can move any building.
Starting point is 00:43:43 Exactly. Are you saying if you were strong enough, you could move any building? Yeah. Sure. If it's not earthquake proof, you can move any building. Exactly. Are you saying if you were strong enough, you could move any building? Anyone. I mean, honestly, with the- Anyone if they were strong enough, they could move any building. With the love of Alma behind me. Wow. I feel like I can, Scott. It feels good to say that. It feels good to be in love. It feels great. I don't know what I would do without her. I'd go crazy. Yeah. Yeah. So I just want to ask, is she fully aware of your relationship? Like, is she coming with you to the wedding venue? She definitely... Yeah, she's meeting your relationship with her.
Starting point is 00:44:18 You have... You definitely have her phone number. She's... I have all her stuff. Yes. I have all her info. Okay. I mean, it's obviously I work nights. Right, you don't see each other a lot. That's very difficult. Okay. Yeah, people usually sleep at night,
Starting point is 00:44:33 although if my skeleton idea takes off, we're gonna be doing all sorts of things at night. But you said she's great with the wolves. Scott's brought up the skeleton idea the week before. I was trying to explain it to you, and I'm like, he's probably brought it up before. You don't need to recap it for me. I've heard Scott Skeleton idea a time or two, and trust me.
Starting point is 00:44:48 Jack and I hang out off air. This guy's elevator might not be going to the top floor again in front of me. Okay, I'll put it in front of you. Jack says things like this all the time, and I just, it's funny the way he talks. I don't take offense at it. Get another room in the insane asylum for this guy.
Starting point is 00:45:04 He just makes jokes like this. I love him. Probably my best friend. Wow. Wow. Okay, this is the first time I've heard about that. So many people come on this podcast. I know, and this is your best friend? This is the guy, I love him.
Starting point is 00:45:17 I'm his best friend. Doesn't let me bring my wolves in here. Nah, yeah, I'm allergic to wolves. That's my only issue with you, Jack. We hang out all the time and he always wants to bring his wolves, but I'm allergic to wolves. That's my only issue with you, Jack. We hang out all the time and he always wants to bring his wolves, but I'm allergic. He's covered in dander.
Starting point is 00:45:28 So why are you not sneezing just because he's here? Great question. I've been pressing mute every time I've sneezed. I've sneezed like 55 times already. Wow. You're really good at editing. On the fly. You must really keep your nasonex hidden around here
Starting point is 00:45:43 because I've never seen it. You said that like it was a slam. I don't know what it was. Like it had the cadence of like a wrist joke. Where's the nasonex hidden, Scott, for these apparent allergies, okay? Uh-oh, everybody hide your Claritin. Here comes Scott.
Starting point is 00:45:55 Okay, got it. Said the seaward. Payback took a shit in here one time. I didn't want to mention it, but. Payback shit in here one time. Yeah. Wow. It's because God knows what's in those M&Ms. The Fuji special.
Starting point is 00:46:08 One time. Um, all right, we need to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have more with Jack Furze. We also have... God damn Fuji. That was good. Get it out. Get it out.
Starting point is 00:46:21 He loves it. See, Jack's my best audience. His elephant is going right to the top right now, baby. One time. When we come back, we have a supermodel a little later. We're going to be right back with more Jack Furs, more Jack Quaid. This is a Double Jack show. It's almost like two sports.
Starting point is 00:46:35 Ay. Ay. And Tony Newsome will be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Jack Quaid is here. The mid-season check-in of The Boys. Tawny Newsom had to leave for some reason, I don't know why. And also Jack Furs is here. Great to be here getting real news out. Yeah, great to have you here. Anything going on in the news these days? I haven't really been keeping track of...
Starting point is 00:47:03 There's really nothing going on. I mean, what, Summer Styles? Summer Styles, oh, that's right. Yeah, okay, I guess we need sunglasses. Yeah, I get, for this. Oh. There you are. Oh, hello.
Starting point is 00:47:17 Hi. Hi, excuse me, we're in the middle of the- I'm sorry, may I sit here? May I sit here? Our friend Tawny was sitting there, but she... Well, if no one's taking this seat, is this how this works? How does this work? Hello. Hello. Ma'am. She doesn't know how...
Starting point is 00:47:30 If that's your real name, who are you and what are you doing? This is a threat. I'm sorry. I've just traveled a very long distance. Jack brought up the wolferangs. I think it's okay. Are we all right? Okay. I'm all right now. Who are you? Do you have any idea what it feels like?
Starting point is 00:47:46 We don't know who you are even. To be hidden away. My name is escrow philanthroper. Oh. Okay. I. Oh. And I have been hidden away by this man here for near on 20 years. Hidden away?
Starting point is 00:48:02 Yes. I'm sorry, who are you? Oh, you've gotten good at that. She's escrow philanthroper. She just told sorry. Who are you? Oh You've got the Just told us So good at saying who are you I'm sorry, I think I remember a person named escrow philanthropy Oh, you think you would remember me wouldn't you? Yes, just 20 years of marriage ring a bell. Whoa Hold on 20 years ask her. Where bell. Whoa, okay. Hold on. 20 years.
Starting point is 00:48:25 Ask her where are you from, vaguely Britain? No, how dare you, my mother was killed by an English muffin. Oh, I'm so sorry. God, I'm sorry for your trap. Thank God they're not still sponsoring the show. I'm gonna have to cut that out. Nooks and crannies. The nooks, the crannies.
Starting point is 00:48:41 The crannies will get, if the crannies don't get you, the nooks will. Please stop talking about my mother's assailant. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to hear that, but I'm sorry I never met you in my life. You act like you're sorry. Oh, that's rich, isn't it? Have you ever seen a man deny the woman he loves?
Starting point is 00:48:56 Yeah, Jack, you seem like you're hiding something now. I swear to God I'm not. I'm sorry, the craziest thing that has ever happened to me just happened. Ask her, what is the nature of your relationship to Jack? We were married in 2002 on the banks of the river Seine in France. Okay, that was a year. 2002, it checks out.
Starting point is 00:49:16 It checks out. I just took a look at my calendar. It went 2003 was the one after that. And then 2002 was the one right before. Okay, good job, Scott. You didn't have a ring, so he gave me a new Shakira CD. Hmm.
Starting point is 00:49:29 Cause he knew how much I loved Shakira. Did you put your finger through the middle hole? I should have. Maybe that would've dropped his memory. She's wearing it now, which is it. It's here. It really, you can't really move your hand at all. That's just a CD on your finger.
Starting point is 00:49:43 How can you be so nonchalant? You've hidden me away, denied me in the press, never acknowledged our love or our union. You have the rep of being Hollywood's good boy. You have a secret marriage. And a secret family. Secret family? Yes.
Starting point is 00:49:59 Like you're, meaning your parents and their uncles. I have parents that he won't acknowledge. And I have an uncle and I have a cousin who's vaguely into hair crimes. Hair crimes. I'm sorry, there's so much to unpack for me. Well, you can go ahead and repack your bags and move back into my home. Okay, all right. Why?
Starting point is 00:50:19 You say we got married in 2002? Yes, you do remember. In Paris. Yes, we're banks of the river Seine. Oh, isn't that convenient. Yes, I was 12. Oh, isn't that convenient? Hey, if there's grass on the field, my man. What? They do a lot of weird stuff in France and that.
Starting point is 00:50:34 Gerard de Bardieu, ring a bell. OK. OK. I recall my father, the hero. OK, I just don't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I cannot take this. You continually denying me has done something to me.
Starting point is 00:50:50 It's caused me to lose my job, my home. Our children don't recognize me any longer. You have children with this man? Yes, we have three four foot tall calla lily plants and they all need water from their father. Okay, are you sure it's me? Are you sure? Like, are you sure? Am I sure? Are you sure I got married to you? You ran out on me. You ran out on me in the middle of our
Starting point is 00:51:16 honeymoon. Are you French but you learned English with kind of an English accent? It's more of a mid-Atlantic. I've never been more insulted in my life. Wait, I just insulted you more than you've ever been insulted. Isn't it even more than that one? You've insulted me so many times. Whoa. You sound like almost.
Starting point is 00:51:35 How dare you? This is crazy. You just said, loif. Wait, your kids are plants? There's a lot going on. There's a lot going on. So our kids are plants. We were married on the So our kids are plants. We were married on the river Seine in 2002. I don't think I can do this anymore.
Starting point is 00:51:48 I don't think I can do it anymore. I think you should break up. What? I think we, I mean, if you think we've been together for this long, I think we should officially break up. Then you can move on with your life. I finally get to him and all he wants to do is leave me. I can't quite tell if this is a Jesse Pinkman situation
Starting point is 00:52:05 where it's a stalker or whether Hollywood's good boy is actually Hollywood's worst boy. Oh no, I'm really tarnishing my reputation right now. This is worse than those middle finger photos that you're so fond of. I swear to God I've never met this person in my life. Why do you think, bring me's bring bring me up today? Yeah, I wish payback was here and our our kids are plants you say that was a mistake not to let payback payback
Starting point is 00:52:32 And sniff out a liar. I'd get to the truth. Oh man. I wish payback The night will speaks he trails off in a gravelly voice That's exactly how the Nightwolf speaks. He trails off in a gravelly voice. I'm sorry. Yeah, hanging out with him too much. I can understand why this all must be so confusing for you both here. You two gentlemen didn't ask for this.
Starting point is 00:52:52 No, yeah, I had no idea you would be on the show. No, it took me a long time to track him down. I've been following you to events, to taking jobs on the sets of your various films, television shows. FYC events. FYC. Now that you mention it, I have seen a woman about your build wearing a CD around her finger. A sturdy build.
Starting point is 00:53:12 I have a sturdy stout build. I do see you at a lot of conventions. I'm always like, what's the deal with the CD? And I'm always waving and saying, why must you deny me? Why must you deny me? And you just look past me in the crowd? This is the first face-to-face we've had in 20 years. It is the perfect opportunity for me
Starting point is 00:53:29 to try out my Seinfeld impression. I do go, what the deal with the CD? And I'm sorry about that, that's very insensitive. Eskro, I feel like you're- Get in your views on geopolitics. Here we go. Listen, I'm still Hollywood's good boy. Okay.
Starting point is 00:53:42 FYC. Eskro, you're taking advantage of the open door policy here. I am. And that's a good thing for a lot of people, but I wanna make sure you're on the level. I wanna make sure you're on the up and up. What, now you doubt me? It's not that I doubt you,
Starting point is 00:53:54 but I just don't know what to believe anymore. Do you not believe that this man married me in 2002? He was. I mean, it's not smart to rush in like that. If I wasn't just a cameraman, you would have gotten a wolf or an ant right in the forehead. I don't know what those words mean.
Starting point is 00:54:10 Maybe it's because... Forehead? When I was 12, I was playing Crash Bandicoot. I don't think I was married in the wolf. Well, you Crash Banded my coot and we got married 10 minutes later. I believe her now. Okay, she's got me. Okay, that was a fun play on words. That was a fun play on words that does not mean I'm married to this woman. I believe her now. Okay, she's got me. Okay, that was a fun play on words.
Starting point is 00:54:25 That was a fun play on words that does not mean I'm married to this woman. Listen to that pun. She's got what it takes. You crash banded her coot. Yep. I'm on her side now. I'm just so tired of being ignored. I think this calls for a formal apology, Jack.
Starting point is 00:54:39 Yes, just because you were still high on nitrous after your dental surgery. Nitrous? Just because you had still high on nitrous after your dental surgery. Just because you had still had all the IV drugs in your system when I wheeled you out of that dental OR. Just because you claim you don't remember pledging your love to me doesn't mean that I am invalid. Do you still have a nitrous hookup? It was a dentist.
Starting point is 00:55:02 It was a dentist. Okay, all right, all right. It was a dentist. If you get some revealing information, all right, all right. It was a dentist. If you get some revealing information on these dentists, they'll usually give you some nitrous. Okay, that's good to know. Anyway, I think you need to apologize. A Notes App apology would be- Thank you.
Starting point is 00:55:16 Get out of Notes App. A Notes App apology? Yeah. That's how you do it. Get out of the Notes App. Get out of the Notes App. Write it down. Did you see Chet Hayes' White Boy Summer Notes App apology?
Starting point is 00:55:24 No, I did not. Yeah. Did he apologize for being vaguely Jamaican? Not yet. Okay. So what else did he apologize for? So she is up on things. For people misconstruing his hit song, White Boy Summer.
Starting point is 00:55:38 Ah. Ah. Ruin the whole, because it was supposed to be a wolf boy summer. I think that might've been a typo, honestly. I think it might've been, it should've been wolf boy summer. Jack, I'm sorry to bring up another nepo baby. I know you protect your own. It's fine.
Starting point is 00:55:54 Yeah, I'm fine. I don't need to- You don't run in a pack with Chet Hanks. No, no, no. We just see each other in the dungeon. And then when we're outside the dungeon, we pretend we don't know each other, but in the dungeon, it's cool. Oh God, I've missed this.
Starting point is 00:56:07 I know, I know. You guys do have this electric thing. We have an electric chemistry. You're like leaning in so close. Jack's eyes are almost closed, like he's falling asleep. I am so tired. You look like a narcoleptic at this point.
Starting point is 00:56:20 I'm sorry, it's so hot today. I was not expecting a woman from my past question mark to walk through the door. He looks just like he did that day. I was 12. He was about to put dental on. Well, I was 11. That doesn't mean we didn't get married.
Starting point is 00:56:32 I'm born and raised here in Los Angeles. I went to France for a dental appointment. You don't have a passport? You obviously have a passport. That doesn't mean anything. All those vacations to the Turks and Caicos. Sure. Notoriously, I go to Turks and Caicos a passport. That doesn't mean anything. All those vacations to the- Yes, I have a passport. Turks and Caicos. Sure. Notoriously, I go to Turks and Caicos a lot.
Starting point is 00:56:49 And you did back then as well. Okay. Okay. Where did we meet? We met in the dental OR. Why must you question me? We met- Were you a nurse? I was your hygienist.
Starting point is 00:56:58 You're a dental hygienist who- I was an 11-year-old dental hygienist. Wait, so you gave me too much nitrous. Too much. I gave you the standard amount. Young people. And then I gave you the standard amount. I gave you the standard amount. I gave you the standard amount. I gave you the standard amount. I gave you the standard amount. dental hygienist who... I was an 11 year old dental hygienist. So you gave me too much nitrous. Too much. I gave you the standard amount. And then I agreed to marry you as a 12 year old. How old were you in this situation? She said she was 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11 know that the rules are different in France. 11-year-old dental hygienist?
Starting point is 00:57:25 You said, as I wheeled you out, you said, oh, the rules must be different in France. And I said, they are. Would you like to go on a date? Okay. If this is true, I was clearly impaired and you, I think, stole me from some sort of dentist's office. It does kind of sound like he was in a nitrous oxide haze. Where should we go? You were about to make him apologize to me. Yeah, but now, I don't know, the shoe's on the other foot. I mean, if this dude's on nitrous,
Starting point is 00:57:49 I have some experience in this. If we want some haze, I can get some smoke bombs going on him. No, Chet Hays. I'll explain him later. Yeah? Was Chet Hays there? Are we on Hollywood Handbook?
Starting point is 00:58:00 Why is everyone saying haze? I don't understand. So you know what Hollywood Handbook is? I love podcasts. Oh, okay. I've been listening to them religiously waiting to hear his voice. So you listen to this podcast to hear his voice?
Starting point is 00:58:11 Every day. And then you listen to the clues triangulating where the location is? Yes. Honestly, that Star Tours bus did have the right address in terms of this place. Oh, okay. The Star Tours bus dropped me off and said,
Starting point is 00:58:22 we think he's in there. They're very invested in my journey. The Star Tours bus actually knows your guest schedule. You should probably call them. Really? Yeah. Oh my okay. The Star Wars bus dropped me off and said, we think he's in there. They're very invested in my journey. The Star Wars bus actually knows your guest schedule. You should probably call them. Really? Yeah. So, are you taking me back or not?
Starting point is 00:58:31 No, but I think- You may give me a ride home. But hold on, hold on, hold on. Escrow, if I may call you that. Yes, it's fine. Listen, clearly you've been through a lot. I was clearly in a nitrous haze. Do you want, do you want?
Starting point is 00:58:46 I had a lot of dental problems back then. Let me offer a compromise, okay? All right. I'm afraid that this marriage is not legal here in the US. You're not going to continue to be married. But how about if Jack Quaid, star of- I'm sorry. Star of TV.
Starting point is 00:59:05 And just TV. I'm a TV star. And he played Mr. Bongo. He's Mr. Bongo. Mr. Bongo. What if he gives you some Oppenheimer merch? You know all the merch, some signed Oppenheimer merch? I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:59:18 Oh, they made the best. We signed a bomb. They made such good fanny packs. What did you say? Did you say Jack who? Oh no. Quaid. Quaid, Q-U-A-I-D. I am looking for Joshua Jackson. Such good fanny packs. What did you say? Did you say Jack who? Oh, no, wait wait QA ID I am looking for Joshua Jackson son of a bitch You know what that is on me I have been tracking the wrong man you had me thinking I had
Starting point is 00:59:40 Done so many things now. I'm realizing that it also was problematic that I was 11. Yeah, he was considerably older. Yeah. So that's a wrinkle. He'd already been on Dawson's Creek. That's a wrinkle. Yeah. That's a wrinkle.
Starting point is 00:59:54 Yeah, we do look alike. Yeah. I'm told. I've always said you're like the poor man's Joshua Jackson. They've always said that about me. And I think you specifically have said that a lot. I email you that a lot. When I'm not here, you email me that a lot.
Starting point is 01:00:03 This is squarely on me. It's three in the morning and I'm checking my email. Look. I just get poor man's Josh Shack. Fellas, no, I appreciate you being good sports about this. This is squarely on me. I have not seen his face in 20 years. It vaguely looks like Joshua Jackson.
Starting point is 01:00:17 Tell you what, Espring, why don't you stick around? Is that all right? Yeah, we're gonna take a break. We have another guest coming up. Jack, I know you need to leave. I gotta go take a big, one of my favorite, my famous supple dumps. I can't even talk to him. Yeah, all those dumps you like to take up. Jack, I know you need to leave. I gotta go take a big, one of my favorite, my famous supple dumps. I can't even talk.
Starting point is 01:00:26 Yeah, all those dumps. Do you like to talk? Yeah, but it's two thirds of the way through the show that we do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is embarrassing. You gotta let that go. This is my season check in.
Starting point is 01:00:35 This is my time. All right, we're gonna take another break, if you can believe it. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:44 Yeah. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Jack Wade had to leave, but we have Jack Furs still here. We have one of the two Jacks. I'm waiting for the Star Tours bus to pull off. Yeah, I think if they just give you a ride home, it's only half off. Oh, okay. It's if you drive there and... Then I gotta pay full price. Yeah, round trip is full price. Round trip's full price. Because I only paid half to come here. Yeah. Okay. Because I assumed I was leaving with Joshua Jackson.
Starting point is 01:01:07 Right, yeah, sorry about that. This is escrow philanthropa. Yes. A mistaken person who barged in here. Yes, and if I at any point during that made you uncomfortable, I'm sorry. Also if I at any point said the name Jack, no I didn't. Oh, okay. Okay. I mean, you said Joshua Jackson, you no, I didn't. Oh, okay. Okay.
Starting point is 01:01:25 I mean, you said Joshua Jackson, you just cut off the first part and the last part. Yes. So I'm so happy to be on the show. I really enjoy it. Yeah, but enough of that. Let's get to our next guest. This guy's modest.
Starting point is 01:01:39 He doesn't like that. I don't know how to receive love, but- You've never gotten a compliment? I don't think so, no. Oh, we have a very nice home, but, uh, you've never gotten a compliment. I don't think so. Oh, very nice home. Okay. That's not really a compliment for me. It's just something I bought. Good job on your shoulders. Do you work out? What am I supposed to say? Really? You think I work out? No. Honestly, you're not far off. Um, we do need to get to our next guest though.
Starting point is 01:02:02 Speaking of bodies, uh, she's one of the most famous bodies in the world, as well as what's on top of that body, the face. That's right, she's a supermodel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the business, baby. That's how we talk about it. It's me, supermodel Janis Dickinson.
Starting point is 01:02:19 How are you, Starstruck? Hi, Janis. Hey. I am Starstruck. Oh my God, you better be. Wow, same. Yeah, this is incredible. You sneaky bitches, how you doing? We're doing great. Great to see you, Janice. It's so good to be here, Scott.
Starting point is 01:02:31 Oh, man. You know, Supermodel isn't there on the podcast guest hierarchy. You know, I actually coined that term. Did you really? Yeah, Supermodel. Didn't exist before old Jenny Dicky, baby. Really? No.
Starting point is 01:02:44 What was the thought process behind that? Because you have a model? God, I wish Jack was here. He's on a show where they hunt and kill supermodels. Yeah, yeah, that's the premise as far as I've looked into it. The boys? Isn't that what that is? I haven't watched it yet. Yeah, I'm not quite sure. Yeah, they hate supermodels, baby. They fucking hate them. I haven't watched it either. What am I going to watch? A poor man's Joshua Jackson on TV? Well, I was told I was coming in for a mid-season check-in. Oh, no. Do you consider yourself to be in the mid-season of your life right now? Yeah, of course.
Starting point is 01:03:11 And you're a 60-some odd year old woman. I'm like 68, 69 in that area. Hell yeah. I'm not gonna tell you my real age because I'm a supermodel, baby. That's skill. Oh, right. Oh yeah. So tell me, Miss Dickinson, if you're nasty, what's going on in your life?
Starting point is 01:03:27 I remember when you were one of the judges on a television program, America's Next Top Model. A&TM, yeah. Those sneaky bitches couldn't keep me away. Yeah. Is that your catchphrase? Yeah, is everyone a sneaky bitch to you? Yeah, yeah, but I'm a sneaky, I'm the,
Starting point is 01:03:41 I coined that term. Oh. I don't think anyone uses it. No. No, no, no, back in the day, I was like, no one's ever put sneaky and bitch together, here I'm a sneaky. I'm the I'm you know, I coined that term. Oh, yeah, I don't think anyone uses it No, no, no back in the day. I was like no one's ever put sneaky and bitch together here I am yeah, and then you did and then has anyone used it sense. Oh, I don't know but I mean I mean I had the whole culture, you know, probably no one or everyone. Yeah Used more. I mean I could should definitely work it into my life. I'm trying try it right now You should everybody try it right now a sneaky bitch if I see you sneaky bitch for your consideration
Starting point is 01:04:10 And then I whap them This is like a villain who's an Emmy voter. Just maybe somebody on the street See I don't know man man. No? The F-Y-C is confusing. Yeah, it sounds like a threat. I mean, in Hollywood specifically, it's pretty confusing. And that's where I work. Yeah. You and I wolf?
Starting point is 01:04:33 I mean, no, but I'm flattered. Cause I came in here and I was like, wow, it smells like wolf. Yeah, that is definitely me, Trev. I can't get this stuff off, no matter how many soaps I use. Yeah. How many you up to now? I've been there, man.
Starting point is 01:04:49 I've been fucking there. I've been using tail and mane. Oh my God. Oh. For the horses. Oh yeah. May I say something? It's uncanny the two of you sound like siblings.
Starting point is 01:04:58 I know, I know, I know. I never thought- Usually it's not good to have- People think I'm the Nightwolf. Yeah, I wouldn't put it past you, Janice. You sound kind of like it. Usually it's not good to have two similar voices on a podcast. No, no, no. Sure, but sometimes you don't really talk things out before.
Starting point is 01:05:13 But we broke the mold with me and Adam Scott on our show. We have the exact same voice. Oh, can people not tell you apart? No, they can't. So the reason I'm here, Scott. Oh, wow, okay, we're getting to your thing. I just got it, I'm on a bit of an apology tour right now because some of the things I said on AMTM
Starting point is 01:05:31 have been resurfacing. Oh, like in clips on TikTok and stuff like that? Yeah, like they say I call people sneaky bitches, they say I call people fat cows, they say I call people, really not nice things. And you know, I guess there's video evidence. Yeah, you were on a TV show.
Starting point is 01:05:50 But I'm, you know, I'm here to, sometimes I can go, you know, a little, I like to break balls, you know what I mean? Sure, I understand. Me, supermodel, Dana Stikens, I love to break some balls. Sure, why not? But, you know, I'm here to apologize,
Starting point is 01:06:01 but mostly I'm here to just blame the editing because they have taken what I've said out of context. What was the context then when you were calling people fat cows? Like when I said, I was like, really what I said was, Cowabunga, you are a beautiful independent woman. Oh, and your previous sentence ended with fat?
Starting point is 01:06:22 Uh-huh. And they cobbled it together. They called it Frankenstein. Your outfit is really fat together, they franken, they call it Frankenstein. Your outfit is really fat. Cowabunga, you're a beautiful woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they just clip out fat cow. And they clip out like, yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 01:06:33 You were saying pH fat. Yeah, this makes sense. It's never, it wasn't me, it was all those goddamn editors. What about- Editors are the worst of the world. Yeah, they're the worst fat cows in the world. What about the time you said-
Starting point is 01:06:45 I'm being edited right now as well. Yeah, I have my machine out here. You're very good at that. I've been doing a live edit. Just to show how that can happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Taking out all my sneezes. We finally got it fixed, the machine.
Starting point is 01:06:54 Janice, I did watch the show. What about the time you said if you're above a size 10, you should kill yourself? No, no, no, no, no. No? I didn't say that. No, no, no. I meant for a mouse. I'm sorry? What? I'm talking about like if. No, no, no, I meant for a mouse.
Starting point is 01:07:05 I'm sorry. What? Talking about like if you're above a size 10, if you're, if you're a mouse that's above a size 10, that means you're too big of a mouse. It's gonna, it's gonna be painful. And you should probably kill yourself. I mean, that tracks. Yeah. It's a painful way to live. It's a painful way to live.
Starting point is 01:07:18 Do mice have sizes? Do mice have sizes? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're saying if a mouse fit into an adult human woman size 10, US, not UK, that the mouse should kill themselves. Yeah. And I stand by it. I'm not going to apologize for that.
Starting point is 01:07:31 I don't think you need to apologize for that. No, no, no. I stand by that. That makes sense. Yeah. They should. So I'm like, what am I? I'm like a size four, whatever, but in mouse, in mouse wear, I'm a size 10.
Starting point is 01:07:45 I'm not gonna kill myself because I'm a human woman. Okay, we have a deal. Okay. Okay. Okay, great. So I'm on a bit of an apology tour. It doesn't sound, honestly, Janice, it doesn't sound like you're apologizing at all. Fuck you, I'm being edited right now.
Starting point is 01:07:59 Yeah, sorry about that. I took out my sneeze in between your sentence. You said, fuck, this is such a great show to be on. And then, and I stand by it. Yeah. So I appreciate that. But I edited everything out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, they're blaming the show. It's because you can't take the compliment. Yeah. No, yeah. So it doesn't seem like you have anything to apologize for. No, I'm just glad to be here. I too am a fan of podcasts. Yeah, I also, I had a thing to be here and now I don't anymore.
Starting point is 01:08:25 So we're kind of just like open vessels. Now we're just open vessels. Well, great. What do you guys wanna talk about? Since you don't have to apologize for anything, you don't have an ex-husband, a reason to be here. No, you're definitely not the Nightwolf. I mean, this is kind of-
Starting point is 01:08:40 I'm just waiting for a van to take me back to my apartment. Yeah, it's funny. I'm also waiting for a van to take me back to my apartment. Yeah, it's funny. I'm also waiting for a van to take me back to my apartment. That's funny. Van Morrison. Yeah, get in the van with Van Morrison. I'm waiting. We all heard what you're doing with that guy.
Starting point is 01:08:54 Oh, Van Morrison. What a sneaky bitch. Also edited. Also edited. Yeah, my catchphrase is edited. Although I don't think he'd take offense. No, no, no. I mean, I meant to sneak away to a lush villa where they're constantly playing Van Morrison.
Starting point is 01:09:10 Yes, a beach. Legendary stud. Yes. Yeah. Should we talk about the impending sale of Paramount? Yeah, to Sky Dance? Boy, that sounds like something that you two... They're gonna send me in, baby. I got this. Janis Dickinson, hi.
Starting point is 01:09:23 Yeah, I'm gonna negotiate that deal because ANTM was on UPN, which the P stands for Paramount. So you are a great ambassador. This is what I'm gonna do I'm gonna get in that room. I'm gonna be like your Viacom's good girl. Yeah Viacom's good girl I'm gonna be like, come here, come here, sweetie Which one of these girls is giving you trouble and then when she eventually points to the bitch I'm gonna be like, haha, go fuck yourself. Never snitch on a bitch. And it's going to, the whole room's going to, I'm going to trick them so well. They're going to laugh so hard. They're going to laugh.
Starting point is 01:09:49 And that's how you get Paramount sold. That's how I get Paramount sold. I will sow seeds of discord amongst the women in only a way I can do. Diabolical. Very, yeah. Janice, you know those commercials where all the Paramount stars are on a mountain, like you got Picard there and Tom Lennon and Sean? I know someone who was cut out of that. Oh, do you? Interesting.
Starting point is 01:10:11 Her cartoon was put in it. Oh, that's too bad. She recorded it. She almost paid for it. And then they put Drew Barrymore in its place. Oh, that's too bad. But why aren't you in this? So it's either a cartoon or Drew Barrymore? Yeah. This is why you got to get me in there.
Starting point is 01:10:23 She's kind of like a cartoon. But I mean, why aren't you in this? You're so- I'm the voice of the wind on the mountain. You're so- oh, you are. Yeah, if you listen really carefully, it's- oh, I remember. I remember when my friend recorded that, she heard your voice as the wind. Yeah, yeah. And I called your friend a fat cow. You did, and she loved it. She loved it. She gets it. Drew Barrymore even said some of the ad-libs that my friend came up with. Oh wow. And your friend never got paid? I think she got paid, but it wasn't as much as she thought
Starting point is 01:10:50 she was. You know what, the cow community, being called fat is a compliment. Yeah, I mean, look. It's a symbol of wealth. Honestly. This is what I'm trying to say. They want that. Yeah, because they then are desirable to be eaten. That is symbol. To be eaten.
Starting point is 01:11:03 That's ultimately their purpose. They love it. You guys see Despicable Me 4? Honestly, no. Those minions freak me out. They freak me out. Are they speaking Italian? What is that?
Starting point is 01:11:16 My uncle's a minion. Really? Why? Yeah, he's got a regular ass voice and he wears shirts and stuff, but he's big, he's yellow, he's round. Real talk, would you eat a minion if someone barbecued one?
Starting point is 01:11:33 I have eaten my fair share, come on. Really? Supermodel Jena Steggisett, let's go baby. Wow, you know how RFK Jr. was eating that dog, the barbecued dog in that picture yesterday? Oh, is that how he got the worm? Yeah, apparently. I don't picture yesterday. Oh, is that how we got the worm? Yeah, apparently. I don't know the full story, but.
Starting point is 01:11:48 I've seen a lot of crazy stuff. Listen, you fuck a minion, you get that brain worm. Yeah. Oh, you said eat. Yeah, yeah. No one is talking about fucking a minion. All right. At all, at all.
Starting point is 01:11:58 Well. Yes, are you wrapping up for us? I was starting to feel a bit hot. Oh, okay. Do you have the air off? No, the air's on now. Oh, then I I was starting to feel a bit hot. Oh, okay. Do you have the air off? No, the air's on now. Oh, then I'm having some sort of a mental event. Yeah, I believe you are breaking down
Starting point is 01:12:12 and we need to throw you in the looney bin. Hey, how long do we have to get to? Time stamp wise. We're out of time. What's the finish line? How long do we have to get to? We're out of time, we can end right now. Do you need to?
Starting point is 01:12:24 Do I get anything else? You came here electively, and you're acting like you've been held hostage. You could have coasted on fame. Ah, man. I wanna hear more about fucking a minion. I'll say it. You're not afraid, Jack.
Starting point is 01:12:38 I had the R of K brain work for a second there, yeah. All right, we are running out of time, guys. Oh, we are, oh, thank God. Good, right, we are running out of time, guys, unfortunately. Oh, we are, oh, thank God. Good, apparently. We are running out of time. We only have time for... You guys see Inside Out 2? Wait, do you want to be gone or do you want to stay?
Starting point is 01:12:56 I don't understand. I don't know. I'm a little hungry, so I guess I should leave. Do you want to leave? Yeah, I guess so. Or do you want to talk about movies? Because we can talk about movies. On the way out, I'd like to know your thoughts on Inside Out 2, because I quite enjoyed it.
Starting point is 01:13:07 If you put them together, it's Inside Out Despicable Me 6. Inside Despicable Out Me 6. Now that I would see. That I would see. Until that happens, ah, ah, ah! All right. We only have time for one final feature on the show. That's, of course, a little something called Plugs.
Starting point is 01:13:25 It's time for the Plugs. ["Plugs"] All right, that was Plugcopolya-lips by Son of Al Soli. So nasty. Is that your style of music? That's so nasty, oh yeah. I blared that stuff in the van. Yeah, you like- I did R.I.P.
Starting point is 01:13:57 Yeah, you like shit like that? I love, Scott, I love that shit. Do the wolves like it? Oh, they can't stand it. They have sensitive hears. Hears? They've got sears. They're hears.
Starting point is 01:14:11 Do you call these items on our head hearers? Honestly, they should be hears instead of hears because what do they do? They hear. They hear. They got ya. Checkmate. They hear. He got my ass, for sure.
Starting point is 01:14:23 All right, what are we plugging? Obviously, speaking for our dear departed guests, mid-season check-in for the boys, that's on Amazon Prime. We have approximately two more episodes to go. And then Star Trek Lord Dex, I believe, is going to be on in the fall. We have no idea. I'm just speaking for our dear departed guests. But what else do we want to plug?
Starting point is 01:14:50 I'd just like to plug that Paramount Mountain commercial my friend was cut out of. Everyone should go back and watch it. It's great. Everyone should check it out. It's pretty funny. It's a good time. Have you ever watched a commercial and been like, I'm so glad none of them were ever in the same room? Yeah. No, I'm like, oh, I'm glad everyone's just talking to a piece of tape on the wall. Yeah. Oh, thank God. That's Yeah. I don't have to imagine the uncomfortable conversations anytime they called cuts. I don't want to think- That Sly would have with Arnold. Yeah. I don't want to think about Sylvester Stallone and Scott Stapp from Creed standing over a
Starting point is 01:15:14 plate of mini muffins. Yeah, I don't want to think about that. I don't want to think about that. I just much prefer to obviously tell that no one was there at the same time. No one was in the same space and or century practically. Very good, yeah. Yeah. And as far as you Janis Dickinson, anything you want to plug?
Starting point is 01:15:29 Yeah, there's this really wholesome Superman show. Oh yeah. On Max. No one fucks a minion in it, I promise. Now I feel like someone does. I mean, maybe in season three, you can only hope, you know what I mean? You sound like Sliced Alone. You're segueing into that.
Starting point is 01:15:47 At the mere mention of him, suddenly you... Yeah, yeah, that's all editing, you know? With AI, you can make me sound like... You know what I mean? Oh, have you been AI'd this whole time? Oh, man, I don't even know where I begin in AI-ence. Yeah. Yeah, it's a crazy time.
Starting point is 01:16:01 But my adventures with Superman, it's really just a nice, like, no one explodes in a pool of blood in it at all. Whose voice is the title set in? Is that- Some fucking nepo, baby. I think Chet Hayes. Whose voice is the title set in? Someone is saying,
Starting point is 01:16:16 what I mean to say is, someone is saying My Adventures with Superman. Who's the person saying it? Who's voice is the title set in? I wonder whose voice the title is set in. Whose voice am I setting? Is this gonna be like the office where we find out who's behind the camera
Starting point is 01:16:30 in the final season? And in both instances, it's me, Supermodel Janis Dickens. Oh, interesting. God, I auditioned for that, I wanted that. The office. We go to a lot of the same VO auditions, you and me. I wanted to be the camera guy, cause I'm a camera guy.
Starting point is 01:16:44 Sure, sure. Jack, speaking of which, what do you have to plug? Anything going on with you? Oh man, when I'm not listening to metal, I'm listening to the Action Boys podcast. Can't get enough of that. Yeah. That's a long running show where they talk about action movies from, what's the cutoff? 93 or something? I think 98. 98 is now the cutoff? Yeah, interesting. And how many years has that been going?
Starting point is 01:17:12 God, probably since 2017. Yeah, probably. I mean, at this point, who knows? Who knows? I can't keep up with it. Where do people get that? On Patreon. Yeah, of all places, Patreon.
Starting point is 01:17:22 Patreon, actionboys.biz. Interesting. With a Z. How many years does it have left? On Patreon. Yeah, of all Patreons, Action Boys, that biz. Interesting. With a Z. How many years does it have left? Oh, I don't know. I gotta... If you had a timestamp, like the finish line,
Starting point is 01:17:33 what do you have to reach? A demarcation. When is this done? Jack, I mean, John is full-staffed. I think whenever, like however long the host doctors give them at their next physical. Okay. All right. Nice. I want to plug. Hey guys, we are starting this week. We're back up on the Comedy Bang Bang
Starting point is 01:17:51 Tour. This week we're going to Arizona. We're going to Tucson and Phoenix and then heading over to San Diego. That's all starting on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. And then on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. And then right after that, we, boy, we've got a really long leg that goes to Salt Lake City, Denver, Austin, Dallas, Toronto. Will Jack Quaid be at that show? He may be, although I'm- Probably not.
Starting point is 01:18:17 I'm hearing no, probably. All signs are- Sources are saying no. Sources are saying no. The dates are not matching up at all. Will Joshua Jackson be at that show? Will who? Joshua Jackson. Lights camera Jackson? Will. Will Joshua Jackson be at that show? Will who?
Starting point is 01:18:25 Joshua Jackson. Lights camera Jackson? What? Will lights camera Joshua Jackson be at that show? He ought to change his name. Lights camera Jackson. Joshua Jackson. And Rowling and Joshua Jackson.
Starting point is 01:18:36 But yeah, Toronto and then Detroit and Pittsburgh, Indianapolis. I'm forgetting, but we end up in Minnesota. And then we're going to the UK and the tickets for the London stop are almost sold out and Dublin, both of those shows are sold out, I believe, but there's still tickets available for the Manchester and whatever, oh, Glasgow and wherever else we are at. So go over to cbbworld.com slash tour and you can get tickets for all those shows. And if you are not near any of those cities, you can follow along with us over there at CBB World.
Starting point is 01:19:13 We're putting up all the shows the day after we do them. So that's all in a new feed in the bang bang into your mouth 24 tour feed. So if you have not added that feed to your subscription yet, just head over to cbbworld.com and then click access, add that feed. And while you're there, there's so many other great things like CBB Presents
Starting point is 01:19:33 and the Neighborhood Listen and College Town, so much more over there. All right, let's close up the old, oh, do you have something you wanna plug? No, I just saw that the Star Tours bus did arrive. Oh, okay. So I just wanted to let, we're all waiting on that to arrive.
Starting point is 01:19:44 Somebody say feed that much. Yeah. I'm getting hungry. All right, let's close up the whole plug bag. One, two, three, four. ["Dirty Puck"] What is it? Dirty Puck.
Starting point is 01:19:58 What is it? Dirty Puck. What is it? Dirty Puck. What is it? Anyway, I decided to play a little instrument at the end of that. Thank you so much. That was Plug Machine by your one female fan. Thanks to our one female fan for that. Wonderful. And if you want to upload a plugs theme, head over to CBBworld.com slash plugs.
Starting point is 01:20:33 Guys, I want to thank you so much for being here. All right. Yeah, we'll be right out. Coming right out. Yeah, we're going to- Coming right out. Sorry, they don't wait long. No, especially not at this house.
Starting point is 01:20:41 Everyone's very disappointed. If you go out and wave and prove to them that this is actually your house, they'll add you to the tour. Oh, sure. Yeah, I'll do that. Yeah, no problem. I'll go out and tell them Scott Elkman lives here. Yeah, well, thanks, guys.
Starting point is 01:20:52 Jesse Pinkman's here too. He's going to go out there with you. Jesse, what are you doing here? Hey, you sneaky bitch. You sneaky bitch. We're all Jesse Pinkman. Three Jesse Pinkmans. What happened?
Starting point is 01:21:00 That's why we have three houses on the tour. Three houses on the tour. Wow. No wonder he filmed the tour. We're all Jesse Pinkman. Three Jesse Pinkmans? What happened? That's why we have three houses on the tour. Wow, no wonder he filmed that show so well. There was a third Jesse Pinkman. It's me, the third Jesse Pinkman.
Starting point is 01:21:15 And you're the best sounding one. You little bitch. You little bitch. You little fucking bitch. We'll see you next time. Thanks, bye!

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.