Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Jason Mantzoukas, Seth Morris, Erin Whitehead
Episode Date: November 21, 2022CBB fave and How Did This Get Made?’s own Jason Mantzoukas joins Scott once again to talk about Halloween, Oklahoma! the musical, and Buzz Lightyear. Then, Scott’s ex-step father Bob Ducca returns... to share BuzzFeed headlines he’s created. Later, housefly Stacy Buzzaba stops by to pitch a remake of The Fly. Plus, the exciting return of Would You Rather!
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Right, said Fred, force does equal mass times acceleration.
Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang, thank you to Erbicide Detective for that catchphrase submission,
thank you to Erbicide Detective for that wonderful catchphrase submission, and welcome to Comedy
Bang Bang indeed, we are deep into October.
Probably the spookiest month.
Who's that?
Hey Scott, it's me, Shemi.
Shemi, what are you doing here?
Hey man, I'm just lost in the studio.
Oh, you're still lost?
Yep, I got re-lost.
This is a spooky month to be lost.
Oh, I know.
Okay, Shemi, well it's great to see you.
Okay, bye.
Great, great.
Wow, Shemi.
What a big app.
Starting with a drop in?
Starting with Shemi, thanks to Erbicide Detective, and welcome to Comedy Bang Bang
for another week.
Oh yes, thank you, Erbicide Detective.
Yes, and uh...
But we're going to need your badge and gun.
Um, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
Um, it's wonderful to have you back here for Comedy Bang Bang.
My name is Scott Ackerman.
I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang, and you know this voice next to me.
He has returned to the studio for a second episode, if you can believe it.
Holy cow.
Can you believe it?
Can you believe it?
Especially during the spookiest month of all, a second only to December.
It is haunting in here.
With all those ghosts.
Oh.
I mean, it is.
You know, not a lot of people know, but the Earwulf Studios here in Hollywood, California,
notoriously haunted.
Notorious.
We saw Duran Duran recently.
We went to Duran Duran.
We were there.
We were in the room where it happened.
That's true.
Um, but it is...
Not the room where they wrote all of their songs.
We should make that clear.
We were not in that room.
Duran Duran did write Notorious at the Hollywood Bowl, so they were like, we need a song that
will rock this place.
But what a lot of listeners might not know is that we are in one of the most haunted
buildings in Los Angeles, California, just because so many people have died right here.
That's right.
So many bits have died.
So many dead bits.
So many dead characters.
Yeah.
That's true.
R.I.P.
My, uh, who's, who's Todd to me again?
My cousin.
Your nephew.
My nephew, right.
Yeah.
Been a while since Todd's been on the show.
I don't really remember.
Been a while.
Hey, shimmy.
You're back.
Hey, shimmy.
I said, shimmy.
I like Anakin Skywalker's mother.
Do you know shimmy?
Oh, I thought it was like Peter Pan.
Like Peter Pan.
Yeah.
Do you know shimmy?
What?
Yeah, you know shimmy.
Are you done with OPV?
As a follow-up?
Yeah.
Yeah, you know shimmy.
All right.
Gotta go.
See you later, shimmy.
Later, shimmy.
Wow, shimmy.
Incredible to have it back.
It's so great to just be, you know, and that's the thing.
You just can't.
You miss that over zoom.
You do.
You truly, you would never see shimmy.
Although I feel like shimmy zoom bummed us.
No, he did not.
You know what would be great?
He was lost in my backyard.
He was in the backyard.
But there is something wonderful, but also concerning about shimmy being stuck in the
building for all that time that people were not using the studio.
I know.
Yeah.
Well, he's segwayed from my backyard into the studio somehow.
I think he followed me here.
You should check your car before you leave the house.
Wait, like do an oil change?
Yeah.
Thank you.
This is good advice.
I think the check shimmy light is on.
What are you up to?
This is Chase Manzookas.
Have I introduced you?
Yeah, you haven't, but that's okay.
Here he is.
You know him from the How Did This Get Made podcast?
That is the, thank you for the one time you've pronounced it correct or you used the correct
emphasis.
Emphasis.
Yes.
And you know him from the league and playing scumbags of all stars and stripes.
Oh, to people of all stars and stripes.
And he's here with us in October and this is the spookiest month.
You got Halloween plans?
I am.
I'm terrified.
I am.
I wish.
I wish I had Halloween plans, Scotty, but I don't.
What did you do the pandemic for Halloween?
Did you put out candy or no?
No, no.
I turned off all the lights in my house and I just, I threw like balloons full of my
own piss at people.
Get out of here.
Hey, at least it was your own piss.
My own.
You didn't have to go around collecting anyone else's.
Well, during the pandemic, I'll say it was very hard to collect piss.
It was so hard to do my rounds, but I'm glad that I'm getting back in the swing of it.
Um, anyway, um, so last Halloween, I didn't do much of anything.
This Halloween, I have no real plans.
We will be, um, we will be doing how did this get made shows just prior to Halloween.
So I'm not sure what I've got going on.
What about you?
Will you be dressing up?
Will you be?
Well, Halloween is Monday, so we'll put that out in episode.
Okay.
That's the only plan.
Live?
Will you do a live Halloween episode where anybody, you should do a live stream zoom
episode where anybody can trick or treat to the door.
Oh, that is a great idea.
And pop on.
If I had any ambition to do anything like that, that would be a wonderful idea, but
it would be, it would be fun.
You can see all your fans would dress up in crazy outfits related to people could dress
up as their favorite.
Well, you're saying the fans can trick or treat?
Yeah.
No, thank you.
Oh, shit.
Classic Jarls.
Oh, my God.
Jarls is there too.
All the droppings.
Wow.
I'm lost in the studio.
You know, there's another guy lost in the studio.
Wait, he's real?
You should team up.
Yeah, that's Jimmy.
I thought I was losing my mind.
Well, that's a real guy.
There are ghosts, though, so you're right to...
Wait, are you a ghost?
Am I?
I don't know.
Let me stick you with this sword.
Hey, you must be used to it.
You're a fencing instructor.
Yeah, but my kids suck.
Yeah, but my kids suck.
Yeah, but my kids suck.
Yeah, but my kids suck.
Yeah, but my kids suck.
Yeah, but my kids suck.
Yeah, but my kids suck.
Yeah, but my kids suck.
I'm the instructor.
I'm not used to getting stabbed.
You've never been stabbed by one of the kids.
No, I'm a bad teacher.
All right, see you later.
All right, bye.
Wow.
Oh, hey, Jimmy.
I thought, oh, they found each other.
Oh, good.
Oh, good.
Well, that makes me happy.
It makes me sad to think of them both lost alone inside.
Thinking the other one is a ghost.
Yeah, thinking the other one is a ghost.
Hey, you see Jarls?
Oh, hey, Jimmy.
Did you not see him?
He was here a second ago.
He was.
He just said, hello to you.
Go find him.
Go find him.
You gotta go.
You gotta go.
Wow.
I did think for a moment that we were just finding out that
classic Jarls was a ghost and sixth sense style.
He might not have known it.
Oh, that's true.
Yeah.
In which case we would have had to solve a murder.
But he left.
And you stabbed him and he felt it.
Oh, that is true.
Yeah, he did feel it.
That was the test.
As far as I was concerned, that's where that bit died.
The potential for that bit.
Jason, thanks.
Scotty.
Thanksgivings wrote it.
Oh, man.
Wouldn't that be great?
You a turkey eater?
What?
Are you a turkey eater?
I'm running out of questions.
I talk to you all the time.
This is sad.
I'm running out of professional questions.
We could just right now do our famous never desired and
unasked for comics discussion.
No one wants that at all.
When I was on the recent comedy bang bang tour a month and a
half ago or so, everyone at the pre-show Q&As was like,
they raised their hand.
First, they would say, by the way, I don't want to hear that
comics podcast you keep talking about.
And then they would ask their question.
So I just, I wanted to let you know.
Comics related.
We are, we are just some weeks away from the cancellation of
paper girls, which I am still grieving.
Yes.
I'm so sorry about that.
I'm, I'm furious.
So if you're out there and you want, please watch it.
On Amazon, get on your social media and yell at people for
canceling it.
And then write and direct your own sequels to it.
Your own season.
Fan sequels.
I would love to see.
Yeah.
And you'll be in them.
I'll be in it.
Yeah.
Call, call my agent.
The French TV show.
No.
You'll be in the sequel to call my agent.
Call this person.
Call the show.
This person.
Okay.
Sure.
Uh, but you got anything on the horizon?
Coming up that you're here to promote.
I don't know.
I don't know, Jason.
I'm out of questions.
We are in the first act.
We're in the preamble to the show and you're already doing plugs.
I'm so out.
Look, you are.
This is the second time you have shown up.
Absolutely checked out.
You are done.
It's over, baby.
I'm sorry.
Look, I mean, I never expected you would ever be back in the
studio here.
So you, so you don't have to try.
Yeah, exactly.
You're incentivizing me to never come back.
So you're saying you'll never come back?
Wait, do you not want me on the show?
You just like perked up.
Even if I pass away, you'll never come back.
Hey, Scott, is it working?
You're playing?
Wait a minute.
Classic Jarls.
Shut up, Jarls.
Shut up.
I may have told Jarls about this before the show.
Wow.
Well, well, well, well, well.
Isn't this rich?
As Jack and Jill said, well, well, well.
How does the rest of it go?
One up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down.
And, uh, yeah, they said it.
They said it.
I like that.
I like that you just run it in your mind.
What of the multiple, what of the many, many musical
performances that you participated in?
What is your favorite role that you got to embody?
I feel like.
What are you talking about?
When you were a musical theater.
Oh, well, well, well.
Of the many musical performances.
Of the many musical performances that I got to get.
Sorry.
When you were performing in musical theater.
OK.
What character did you feel like you really got?
Um, you know, when I did Curly in Oklahoma,
my mom came to see it and she said, wow, this is the first time
I've ever ever seen you do a play where it looked like you
meant what you were saying.
So I think maybe that one.
So it has nothing to do with you and your own instincts.
This is solely because your mom said yes.
I do think that in that one, um, my, my teacher suggested
that anytime anyone else was talking, I'd be, uh, connecting
my previous sentence with whatever I wanted to say.
Right.
Uh, in my head.
Sure.
So instead of just waiting for the other person to.
Stop talking.
And then do the thing.
So that may have been a very.
And was that when you started?
To figure out like building a character was more than just
saying the lines and that your performance.
I still hadn't figured that out.
Your performance as Curly was, was, uh,
essentially Curly from the three Stooges.
I did get a perm for that role.
Strangely enough.
Hey, I got a question.
Jimmy, you're back.
Yeah, man.
What did that mean?
Uh, the previous sentence.
So like if, if one of my, if one of my lines were,
you know what?
I got to tell you something.
And then the other person says, Curly, I don't know what
to tell you something.
And then the other person says, Curly, I don't have time for
you to tell me something.
And then I say, I'm trying to tell you.
I love you.
This is not a one.
Let's do that.
Okay.
So, so when, when I say, I got to tell you something,
then the other person is saying, I can't tell you.
Should I say that?
Should I, should I be the other person?
Okay.
And I'll tell you what I'm thinking.
This is going to explain it to me.
I'll tell you what I'm thinking in my head.
Look, I got to tell you something.
Tell me what you need to tell me.
I'm trying.
You blew it.
You fucking blew it.
It's been 30 years.
You jumped all over me.
Jimmy, I'll see you later.
Jimmy, does that help?
Does that, does that clarify it?
For the final time, got to go.
Jimmy didn't even want.
Oh, message received.
That's not good.
Jimmy didn't even want to try and figure out how to do this
bit successfully.
What, what do you have coming out?
You said you've been working.
Are you doing a sequel to Infinite?
Oh boy.
Mark Wahlberg.
Is it a sequel?
If it is, in fact, a spin-off movie about my hit character,
The Artisan.
The Artisan.
I forgot.
Oh yeah.
The Artisan.
Oh, never, never forget the character who's only named
The Artisan and referred to as The Artisan.
Were you a killer in that?
I'm trying to remember anything you did.
Or were you just a, you were a guy.
I'm the mad scientist.
You're a scientist.
I'm like more the mad scientist who they go to.
Oh, it's very convoluted.
Who they go to to kind of revive Mark Wahlberg's memories
from him.
Right.
You know.
How long does that stay up on Paramount Plus?
Do you think?
Or do they, at some point they just like silently go like,
let's get rid of it.
They're going to get rid of it?
That's what HBO Max did with a lot of their films.
Well, yeah, they did that as tax write-downs though.
Sure.
I don't think they're going to do that.
I don't think they can do that with this movie.
They can do it for just quality purposes.
This is a very expensive movie.
What is this?
Are you doing, how did this get made right now with one of my
movies?
You should do it with your own movie.
How dare you.
Has that ever happened before?
Wait, so this is the first time hearing, was that movie bad?
I'm pretty sure it's like 95% on Rotten Tomatoes.
This whole month when you're out in the world, get ready for it.
Didn't it save the movies?
Didn't you do one of those Tom Cruise things before it?
Hey, welcome back to the movie.
It's me, The Artisan.
Well, that's Infinite is out there on Paramount Plus.
Infinite on Paramount Plus.
Catch it while you can.
Of course, I'm deep in making all of the sequels.
The sequels and spin-offs.
Yeah.
I mean, Infinite 2, more Infinite.
Oh, yes.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Keep going, Infinite.
Hey, come on.
There's more to, I mean, it's everything.
To Infinity and Beyond.
Were you in that buzz year?
What is it?
No, I was not in buzz year.
I wasn't in buzz year.
Buzz year.
Hey, buzz year.
Hey, buzz year.
Hey, buzz year.
I mean, it may as well be buzz year, right?
Yeah.
Why not?
It's as stupid as what it actually is.
Sure.
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
And I was, to answer your question, no, I was not in buzz year.
Hey, buzz year.
Get over, you idiot.
Hey, idiot.
Hey, idiot.
What's your name?
Buzz year?
Oh, look at who blew it.
Buzz year.
I don't even know what the plot is, but I'm just assuming that he's just an idiot.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
He's like, I guess he's would be buzz light years like idiot brother.
Hey, buzz year.
Hey, buzz year.
Well, Jason, it's good to see you.
I, of course, love having you here and it's always a pleasure to have you and I really
want you to.
Boy, I couldn't be more excited to spend the rest of the night.
Scott.
Sorry.
Excuse me, we're doing a show.
Oh, wow.
Scott, I need your help.
Sorry, we're doing a show of whoever this is.
We know this person.
Whoever this is.
Yeah.
Who are you?
Sir, step out of the shadows.
Why are you?
Why are you also?
Why are the shadow right now?
Why are the studios lit like a noir movie?
Yeah.
Why?
What is happening right now?
Are you the Phantom of the Opera, sir?
I can only see half of your face.
The Phantom of the Scat.
It's me, Bob.
Bob who?
Bob.
It's Bob.
Oh, Bob.
Oh, Bob.
How dare you?
Young man.
Get over my knee.
Oh, do it.
All right.
Here we go.
Yes.
Ow.
Nasty naughty little boy.
Wow.
You will have respect for me.
This is the maybe the only time I've seen Scott jump to yes and any initiation from anyone
ever and do so with a degree of enthusiasm that was frankly terrifying.
I am having a horrible, horrible day.
I came in here for just a little bit of respite.
The last thing I expected was for my dear, dear, very close ex-step son to not recognize
me.
I'm sorry, Bob.
I just didn't expect to see you.
We're in the middle of a show.
Do you know Jason Benzuka?
Yes.
We've met before here in these studios, actually.
Yeah.
I don't recall.
That's okay.
For those of you who do not recall who Bob Duka is, you're a gentleman that was married
to my mother for how long?
Nine months?
Six glorious months.
Six glorious months back in the...
It doesn't matter.
90s or something.
This is family for you.
It was a long time.
It was like yesterday to me.
What an interesting day for you.
You and I remain very, very close.
As all father-son relationships are...
They're difficult, are they not?
They're difficult.
They're tough.
Yes.
I have a big, craggly shadow that you live under.
And you and I, as a stepchild, is always difficult to befriend.
And I will never stop trying.
That's my promise to you, though I am still angry that you didn't remember me.
Well, it's not that I didn't remember you because I didn't know you were coming.
I could not see you.
To be honest, I haven't...
Put those two together for me.
You don't remember me because you didn't know I was coming?
Well, you also...
What's interesting is you didn't seem...
And I understand because, yes, the doorway to the studio is shrouded in deep shadow.
I feel like they're saving on electricity or something.
Maybe.
I don't know what's going on in here.
I didn't know that you recorded an old-timey vaudeville theater.
I tripped over so many sandbags.
There are so many dusty velour curtains that I had to push through to get here.
What's strange to me is you didn't seem to recognize his very iconic voice.
Well, yeah.
That's what I...
That's what I keep...
I was like, oh, I know who this is.
I have voice blindness.
I'm sorry.
Oh, man.
Yeah, I've never mentioned that.
That's called Oliver Saxe's ears.
I'm so very sorry.
I didn't really...
I'm sorry.
Who are you again?
Jason Manzuchus.
And...
I'm a friend of Scott.
Have you seen Infinite?
Oh, yes.
Oh!
You're the...
I'm the artist.
Artistic.
Yes.
Oh, thank you, Bob.
You helped jog his memory.
Correct.
Oh, wow.
See, Bob.
Love it.
Maybe it could help me.
Yeah.
What can I do for you, Bob?
Where's my cell phone charger?
Oh, oh.
I don't...
Okay.
Neither do I think I could do that, but I don't actually think the artisan could
do anything.
The artisan could do that.
Really?
Yeah.
Let me see if I can...
I wonder if...
Let me see if the artisan's here.
Bob.
Yes?
Where's your cell phone?
I don't know.
Your cell phone is not with you?
No.
Don't know.
Your cell phone is not with you?
Not just the cell phone, but also the charger?
Yeah, I thought you didn't know where the charger was, not the actual cell phone.
I don't know where...
Oh, where my cell phone?
I'm sorry.
Where's your cell phone?
My cell phone's right at...
It's in my sock.
Okay.
It's in your sock.
Yes.
Check your other sock.
I only have one.
Oh, damn it.
Okay, well, that's it.
The artisan could be helping me.
Oh, no.
Wow.
His whole movie is usually...
I understand now.
Check the other whatever it is.
That movie did so poorly.
What do you mean?
It did bad?
I got to look this up.
I'm a bit of a Paramount plus head.
Okay.
What are you watching on this?
A plusy?
Oh, that Star Trek...
Star Trek Lower Desk.
Lower Desk.
Lower Desk.
Tiny Desk concert.
You watching Big Brother?
You watching The Challenge?
I'm watching all of those things.
No, isn't there a Star Trek?
There's a new Star Trek.
Yeah, a new beginning.
Yeah, Brave New Worlds.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm watching all those.
Strange New Worlds, rather.
You a Star Trek...
You a Trekker?
Trek-y?
No, I'm trying to be, though, because it helps you connect with other worlds.
I'm trying to be, though, because it helps you connect with other people who don't have
friends.
The old Trek Connect.
Yeah.
That's the old Trek Connect, yeah.
Yeah, so you're looking to go out there and find similarly lonely people.
Yeah, do you find...
Or escape into a fantasy realm?
Yes, exactly.
Like, those kind of fandoms are, you know, welcoming for people who are perhaps...
They have no choice.
Yeah.
They have no choice.
It's a...
It's misfit toys.
Mm-hmm.
I...
It's kind of like, you know, when a chauvinist goes to the Renfair and capitalizes on old
timey beliefs and can be degrading to women because it sort of fits into the context.
Like, get out of here, wench.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, stuff like that.
Exactly.
I do that with sci-fi communities and things like that.
Because of the whole paradigm that you've gotten there.
It's a neuroculture.
It's another...
And so they have no choice but to be friend me.
That's right.
It's welcoming of all races and all nationalities and even people like you.
And even...
Thank you for putting me on the bottom of that weird list.
Yes.
Yes, I'm at the...
Yeah, exactly right.
But, Scott.
Yes.
I just need a few minutes to collect myself and compose myself and receive some sucor
after the difficult, very difficult day that I've had.
I...
What happened to you today?
Okay, fine.
I'll tell you.
As you may or may not know, I've been on a wedding rice diet for a few weeks.
What is a wedding rice?
I eat only eat dry rice that I find outside of churches.
I have to bat away birds.
It's very well-earned, cheap, get a lot of upper arms.
Do you only...
I'm assuming you mostly can only eat on the weekends.
Right.
It's not a lot of weekday weddings.
I guess you could save up if they had a big rice budget for the wedding.
Yeah, you can.
I have cargo pants with rice pockets.
Do you pick up each grain individually or do you have a dust buster?
Do you have a scoop?
Oh, really?
I just get down there.
So you don't save any?
Be a tongue.
Look how wide my tongue is.
Oh, my God.
Jesus Christ.
It's like you've been exercising it clearly.
Oh, yeah.
It's also like that tongue emoji where it's like that.
Yeah, my tongue looks like a display for saltwater taffy machine, but it's not actually saltwater
taffy.
Yeah, it's jacked.
Right.
It's muscular.
Oh, yeah.
Jacked tongue.
Yeah, how do you work that out?
I mean, obviously doing your church exercises, but did you model for that emoji, by the way,
because that's almost identical.
Oh, I did.
I never got paid for that, though.
Do people model for those emojis?
Oh, yes.
How many emojis have you modeled for?
Seven.
Seven.
Which ones?
Well, I'll just have to show you.
Well, the one with the, well, the thinking one.
Oh, yeah.
Watch, check this out.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
What about that one with the monocle?
Mm-hmm.
The one that's barfing?
You know what?
And that wasn't doing it right.
And the guy poked me in the eye.
Oh, gosh.
The barf emoji, obviously.
The barf emoji.
Yeah.
The skiing emoji.
Oh, I love that one.
Yeah.
I use that one all the time.
So helpful.
They should break emojis down into, like, these are the ones that people use.
And these are the ones that are, like, you're never going to use ever again unless you
are actually talking about skiing.
I feel like a lot of weirdos would find each other that way.
If you could find which part of the country different people used emojis.
You should invent this app, Bob.
What's an app?
Oh, yeah, never mind.
Anyway, back to my bad day.
So, I was on this dry rice diet.
Not thinking, I accidentally drank a lot of water and my stomach almost exploded.
Oh, gosh.
All the moisture went right to that dry, dry rice.
I got very, very ill and was homebound for several days.
And then I went to treat myself to a car wash chair and massage and got stuck.
So you...
In the chair.
In the chair.
In the chair.
Do you have a car or did you just walk into it?
Oh, no, no.
I'm just a fan of car wash chair massages.
I don't know if you're familiar.
Sure.
Of course, yeah.
Do you go to the same one?
Like, once you find a good chair, you stick with it?
Until I'm no longer allowed.
And then I go, yeah.
But I enjoy...
You know, I find the one...
I find the car wash chair massages were just the right combination of spilled soda, off-brand
chips, and duct tape.
And that's what happened this one.
I got stuck on some duct tape and I couldn't leave.
They thought I was trying to like milk it.
So it's like it operated like some sort of like fly paper almost, but for Bob Ducca?
Could be.
Yes.
Yeah.
So they thought that you were trying...
That's a strong adhesive.
Yeah.
It's very strong.
Oh, duct tape?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, wow.
Double-sided duct tape?
Is it that it's that strong or is it that you are weak?
Do they have duct tape for weak people?
Probably.
I mean, listen, as you know, I love...
That might just be masking tape.
Yeah.
Most of my income is as a test subject.
So if anybody's doing these studies, I'd love to find out.
Okay, great.
So everyone thought that you were trying to just hog the chair?
Right.
Right.
So they beat me with steering wheel cover.
Oh, no.
Yes.
You couldn't explain.
And then they made a game of it.
Oh, wow.
I was defending myself.
And then it became a ring toss.
And then they started...
It became a ring toss.
So you stuck your hands out to defend yourself.
And then they started throwing.
Stupid me.
I started having fun.
I mean, you know, when you're tickled too much and you want it to stop,
but your body's laughing so that people think...
How often does that happen to you as an adult?
Can we talk about something else?
Do you want to ditch the original topic?
That's something from, like, deep childhood.
Never mind.
Like, no offense, Bob, but you're an older man.
Is that...
Are people tickling you to the point where...
Nonsense.
Let's just say this.
Let's just say this.
I'm very well known in the adult tickling community.
Not as a participant, necessarily, but as a target?
Not as a willing participant anymore.
At first it sounds like, sure, I'll make a couple of extra bucks.
Get some free food.
I like crudité.
I want to go to Oman, just like anybody else.
But then it just keeps going and going and it doesn't stop.
So anyway, needless to say, I've had a very, very tough day.
And I just came here to relax.
This is the only place.
The car wash is very nearby.
Oh, yeah.
I know there's one right across the street.
That's the one.
The one with a giant hand holding the giant sponge
that's connected to the giant car,
that's connected to a person waiting in the huge car wash building.
Yes.
And I found out that's not a real giant.
Oh, okay.
They didn't cut off a giant's hand?
They did not.
Interesting.
I mean, I guess there goes that theory.
Bob, you do have a steering wheel protector on your neck.
I know.
Oh, okay.
Yes.
Is that to protect your neck or is that?
Did you place that?
So you can let people know that you are nothing to fuck with.
I feel like you guys are making a reference to something,
but I don't know what it is.
Okay.
I understand that.
Look, Bob, it's a pleasure to have you,
but can you stick around?
We need to take a break.
Why?
Oh, we talk about fine products that people can accumulate.
Like what?
Like what?
You know, if you don't ever want to go to the post office ever again.
Oh, God, I hate the post office.
Don't say anything bad about the post office.
But just the experience of going there is what we can talk about.
Okay.
Because apparently I made too many jokes about the post office
several years ago about how shitty it was.
And now I'm not allowed to talk about how bad it is.
Just the experience of going there.
Oh, my God.
Is that real?
That's very funny.
But can you stick around?
We need to talk about some of these fine products.
Because the post office is great.
There are alternatives, though.
Sure.
Of course.
Stick around, okay?
Yeah.
Because I'd love to talk to you on the other side of this break.
I'd love to hear more about this day.
Yeah, but what?
Thank you.
But we're going to come back.
We'll have more from surprise guest Bob Duka.
We'll have more from even more surprising guest,
Jason Manzuka's in the studio.
What?
Yeah, incredible.
Plus we have someone else coming up that I don't know who it is.
We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this.
Comedy bang bang.
We're back.
Jason Manzuka's is here.
Hello.
And very exciting to have him.
And how did this get made out there?
When's it come out?
Fridays?
Yes.
Yes, Fridays.
Sorry.
You have no idea about your own.
You're like, wait, because I don't think it's always been Fridays,
but yes, it is Fridays.
That's right.
TGIF.
Oh, yeah.
You should go to a TGIF now that you are in your post-COVID.
That's how we should market the podcast.
We should tour TGIF.
You should.
Actually, this is a good idea.
It's a great idea.
This is another one of your...
Whiskey bourbon wing.
Scott Argerman's great idea.
Isn't that one of your other podcasts?
It really should be, yeah.
This is going to slip down to number five.
We also have, speaking of slipping,
a guy who's slipped many times in his life.
Oh, yes.
Bob Duka is here.
My ex-stepfather is here.
That's right.
That's right.
And you seem to be wearing a pair of data from Goonies' slick shoes.
Data from Goonies' slick shoes?
I'm trying to parse this.
Is there a character named Data in Goonies?
Isn't it?
Because Data is from Star Trek, of course.
Oh, that's true, too.
Am I right?
Devin's naughty.
He's like the inventor kid in the Goonies,
and he invents slick shoes.
It doesn't matter.
Is he from the Indiana Jones guy
who's from everything, everywhere, all at once?
Oh, is that...
That might be right.
I don't know.
I don't know if that's the case.
Devin's shrugging, but...
What is going on?
Sorry, what are you talking about?
Yes, it is.
Devin's thumbs-uping.
His name is Data in Goonies.
I'm 99% sure.
Sure, yes.
Star Trek, you can't...
Thumbs up from Devin.
Star Trek, you can't name a character Data
when there's an iconic character named Data in Goonies?
Yeah, you know, I've never even thought about
the commonality of those two...
The only two people ever named Data.
Also, here's the other thing.
But that would...
It doesn't matter.
I was making a joke about not wearing slick shoes.
If you were a sentient robot,
would you want to be called the thing that you process?
Data?
Yeah.
So it would be like you...
Hornup being named Oxygen?
Hornup, what?
Yeah, yeah.
I don't want to be called Oxygen.
Oxygen.
Or like shit, you know, the thing that comes...
Wait, you consume shit?
No, don't talk to me.
That's fine.
It's totally fine if you do.
It's just kind of like this.
Scott is a copperfile.
What is a copperfile?
Copperfile is somebody who likes to do.
Okay, yeah.
Bob, what...
You do...
One of your catchphrases that you rarely use
is scat attack.
Scat ockerman?
Scat ockerman.
Come on, guys.
That is very close.
I talked about scat on a recent episode.
Far too close.
Oh, really?
Well, it's not that kind of...
I agree.
Picadillos.
Everybody's got them, and they actually, you know,
they tell us quite a bit about each other.
Picadillo.
What about you, though, Bob?
What has been going on with you?
Thank you for asking.
You're becoming a better step...
next step son.
Well, to earn a few extra shackles,
I've been...
Got hired to create BuzzFeed headlines.
Oh!
And the way it works there is I just feed them...
Wait, BuzzEar headlines?
Or...
Buzz...
Hello.
You're doing BuzzFeed headlines for about a year?
Yeah.
Thank you.
You know, you're a wonderful young man.
Thank you.
Is your mother seeing anybody right now?
Oh, yes.
Yes.
She is still happily married to my father.
How do you know?
Oh!
Have you checked today?
Yeah.
Let me check.
Oh, yeah.
How do you know they're happily married?
They seem to be going strong.
You don't think they're putting on a show for you?
I don't think so, no.
No.
Okay.
Oh, wait a minute, though.
That's really chilling to think about.
Anyway, I've been creating Buzz...
You've been eating what?
Well, I've been eating my own hair because I have pika.
But...
Do you have a bezoir in your stomach or...
Oh.
That's a collection of hair.
Bezoir?
Oh, yeah.
Like the equivalent of like an owl...
Yes.
...soup.
You could go through it and see what I've been...
Sure.
All hair and undigested raisins and rice, rather, all the rest of whatever is in there.
Do you eat raisins?
I've never seen you eat a raisin.
Do you have an allergy?
I don't.
I don't.
I don't.
Who...
How many people have you seen eat raisins?
Every single person in my life, I try to watch them eating raisins at least once.
That's a kink.
Just a check.
That's a kink that I don't understand.
Just to make sure.
Another kinkadillo is the smacking, the dry smacking, then trying to remoisturize the
grape.
Is that what you do with raisins?
Yeah, journal is like...
It's interesting to put them in your mouth and try to get them to expand.
And then I drink water and I mush them around so that I can try and turn it into a scratch
journal.
Paul F. got another raisin stuck on his back.
You'll never believe it.
Bob, how did you become my status?
You'll never believe it, diary.
I got Lauren and Paul to eat raisins on freedom.
You can't team up against me.
You're Bob Duga.
I'm so sorry.
I need to remember my station.
Anyway, if I may, I'd love to try out some of these.
My shriveled favorites found their way into Mike Hanford's mouth.
You won't believe it, diary.
R-I-P, the one with sunglasses.
R-I-P, the one with big white saxophone.
That might be the same one.
The California raisins.
California raisins.
Okay, sunglasses definitely.
Yes.
What are their other characteristics?
Gloves.
Are you sure this isn't an M&M?
No.
I think they have gloves.
Do they have shoes?
But do they all have sunglasses?
Do they all have a saxophone and gloves?
No, they don't all have a saxophone.
Because I think they're the lead singer.
Right.
So one has a mic, probably.
Microphone?
Oh, I don't know.
Should we play it?
Should we play it in the podcast?
I don't think playing the song will help us.
No, the commercial.
So we can watch it and comment on it.
Should we play the song and try to guess what they're holding?
I think a simple Google image search will take care of this.
Okay.
I just think for the audience at home,
they don't get to listen to us watch the commercials.
So it's not really satisfying as content,
but you are phoning it in.
California, I typed in.
It's a tough one.
Valigontia.
Oh, it's over.
I'm the same.
I now can't, there's a disconnect between the distance
from my bad eyes to the thing.
And now it is, every time I try and type words,
it's gobbledygook.
Yeah.
Okay.
Here we go.
There's four of them.
You don't think you're just dumb?
Okay.
So they have, they all have sneakers.
They all seem to have converse low top sneakers.
They all have gloves.
Okay.
But then here are the distinguishing characteristics.
Branded converse?
I mean, they look to be.
That would be interesting to be like converse gets to have their
sneakers in the California.
That was probably pretty fun meeting, huh?
The raisin board.
Bob's on fire.
And the converse people.
Bob's are you on premises?
Bob's just doing bits.
Bob, are you working on an act?
I actually, well.
Bob is so much easier to play with.
I did a lot of, I did a lot of classes during the pandemic.
You did?
Really?
Like what?
From where?
Improv classes.
Oh yeah.
Great.
Improvisation.
Really?
Over Zoom.
Yeah.
Over mail.
Most of it was.
So you would receive an initiation on a piece of paper.
And then how long would it take you to write back?
Each scene took six months.
It was long, but I learned a lot.
And is the edit, you just stop hearing, you stop getting
letters?
Yeah.
So after your first response, you did not hear back?
No, no.
After the first scene, I didn't hear about it.
Then I move on to the next feature.
Oh, interesting.
Got it.
And sometimes I would just mail a stranger and they would open up a letter.
And it would say, Margaret, we've been brother and sister our whole lives.
Where is my cell phone charger?
I actually think it would be a very funny thing if Bob Duke had just started cold sending
letters to people just to see if he got any letters back.
Yeah.
Sort of like a ship in a bottle kind of thing, but maybe a mail.
Yes.
No bottle, no ship.
That's right.
I don't mean ship in a bottle.
Or message in a bottle.
Maybe Bob could do, maybe listeners would like Bob Duke to write someone they know a
letter.
Oh, that's a good one.
Speaking of ship in the bottle though, have you ever become a human ship in the bottle?
This seems like something you ought to do.
I was kicked out of the biodome.
You were?
Yes.
For what?
They tried to eat me.
What?
Why?
Apparently.
Well, you can.
Did they mistake you for their rice cooker?
I'll be honest.
I snuck in their disguises of rice cooker.
Okay.
It's full of rice.
How do we get it out?
Surprise.
I thought they'd have to hang out with me.
All right.
Here are the distinguishing characteristics of the California raisins.
One has a flat top mohawk and sunglasses.
To me that's just gilding the willy.
I agree.
Like the Boz?
They look like that one football player.
How do you know the Boz?
Big college sports fan.
The Boz.
Bob has like a much deeper base of knowledge than I know.
I know.
That makes me good for you.
Before I became the physical and emotional wreck that I am, I was considered pretty stereotypically
masculine man.
Really?
Was there a single thing that befell you, an illness or an event?
Or was it a just never ending series of events and illnesses that knocked you into the, took
you from the heights of masculinity to the man we see before us now?
It was a woman telling me that I was living a lie.
And then as she was saying that, I made eye contact with myself in a mirror and the whole
facade came crumbling down.
Oh no.
Wow.
The secret origin.
Wow.
And I said, but I'm wearing a Harley-Davidson shirt.
She said, you're overcompensating.
Had you ever been on a motorcycle at that point?
No.
Yeah.
No, but I collected the shirts.
You collected them.
Oh yeah.
How many did you have?
Harley-Davidson.
I bought the third.
Each different city I'd go into.
Harley-Davidson's daughter.
Harley-Davidson's uncle.
Okay.
Here are the other characteristics.
One has, I can only assume to be like a fifties kind of curly flat top and then horribly distended
protruding cheeks.
And then one has like what appears to be almost an Afro flat top and is a little more heavy
set.
And then one, another one has like a pretty, pretty high, high, like almost hair sprayed
hair.
But that's it.
No saxophone.
Just one has sunglasses.
When are they going to make the California raisin biopic?
I know.
I want to know how they came to be.
There's certainly enough other nonsense has gotten that treatment.
You know what I mean?
I wonder, is it, is it IP that's owned by the raisin board and that's why they can't
be exploited?
You think Big Raisin isn't on this?
I mean, that's an ad for a specific company.
Who's Big Raisin?
Who's Big Raisin?
Yeah.
I heard they got bought by Sour Grapes.
The movie?
The Larry David movie?
Okay, Bob, what, what, tell us about your thing.
I bet you're probably around with about the raisin.
God damn it.
Now that Scott, Scott, I love Scott that we, we moved fully off of the California raisins
for so long and got into other stuff.
And then you brought it back and then when you were done talking about it, you were like
I'm done.
I'm mentally over this, Bob.
Come on.
Talk about your goddamn thing.
What do you got here?
Why does your paper say not funny on the paper?
It's true.
Little notes to yourself?
No.
Or is it funny because when you hold up the paper, only we can see that it says not funny
to us.
This is like, you just gave us a finger.
The following.
Yeah, you just pushed your glasses up with your middle finger.
But this is like, I think Bob Ducca is trolling us.
Bob is antagonistic here.
Bob Ducca has become a troll.
Married.
Yes.
Yes.
The following are BuzzFeed headlines that I have submitted to Jonah Peretti.
Yeah.
I believe he's still there.
Chelsea's brother.
22 things that frequent travelers use while traveling.
So maybe you should too.
36 ingenious products that I consider an absolute win.
And I may or may not have made a few of these home travel and cleaning discoveries while
on TikTok.
People are talking about the racist things that parrots have said to or in front of them.
And honestly, I can't even right now.
I'll tell you your soulmates first initial, but you have to design your own cafe first.
Some of these I stole and I'm just going to resubmit their actual.
You stole them from BuzzFeed itself?
Oh, okay.
I don't know that they'll do that.
They generate like 2,000 lists a day.
And maybe someone's asleep at the switch.
Could be.
Yeah.
Yeah.
31 hilarious tweets by women with thumbs that made me laugh so hard I needed my inhaler.
28 office products that are practical, but also the cutest thing you've ever seen.
Let's play a game of smash or pass with these county fair ride operators.
13 exercise bikes that may make you cancel your gym membership ASAP because you'll be
too injured for physical activity.
These are unsafe products.
Choose the cutest animal and I'll tell you what chocolate candy you are.
Trapper keeper versus Sharpie pens.
Vote in the BuzzFeed school supply showdown.
Maud Apatow got real about how it really feels to be labeled a nepotism baby.
That's a list.
That's a headline.
Okay.
It's a headline.
Then they have to write the article.
Yeah, you haven't read.
They're going to try to sell articles.
I'm not a journalist.
I'm not a journalist.
I just submit the headlines.
If they buy a headline, they're then forced to write the article.
Yes.
Okay.
Interesting process.
And do you get paid per word or per headline?
Per headline.
Okay.
That's a good one.
They're locked into.
They have to contact her.
They're locked in.
And they have to get a quote from her mom.
These dating tips from an in-cell subreddit are legit pretty good.
Eat nothing but mac and cheese for 24 hours and I'll guess your favorite season.
You can't do it without that.
Well, this is for them to decide.
Personally, I find all 26 of these movies super comforting.
But I'm curious to know how many you've seen.
I'm genuinely interested to see if you agree with these extremely controversial takes on
whether January 6th was a riot or an uprising.
Tell us which relative you accidentally sexed and we'll tell you which stranger thinks character
you are.
We're not quite sure why you don't own these 31 genius beauty products yet.
Actually, we get it.
You're bad, right?
You did something bad.
What did you do?
What did you do?
11 TikTok famous products with no joke, 100,000 plus five star reviews.
I want to know which Lunchable you are.
See, now that article, it seems like it's hard to write because that's just like.
I demand to know.
Do you have an article?
That should be the first letter that I write.
I was going to say, is there and I'll put it in ransom font.
Is there a font?
Man, you keep tapping has come so far.
You have to ransom font is you cut a bunch of different letters from newspapers
and you put it on your typewriter keys.
Oh, OK, I see. Got it.
Out of curiosity, do you have a headline that establishes what you are?
What was the one you just read?
I want to know which Lunchable you are.
Do you have a headline that tells you which Lunchable you are?
The opposite way is the way to write the article.
This is a quiz.
I want to know which Lunchable you are.
No, it seems like that article.
I'm not saying that this was directly taken from Buzzfeed,
but I'm also not saying that it's not.
And is that for you, Bob Duca?
Or that's just again, for whoever writes to entertain?
Huh?
OK, Bob, just continue.
We need a Bob Duca soundboard that just goes, huh?
I know I'm just a stranger,
but I'm about to tell you how toxic your relationship actually is.
If you were a famous celebrity who'd been convicted of manslaughter,
which one would you be?
Convicted.
17 times movies had hidden messages telling William Howard...
Can I start over?
Yeah, we can go again.
Can you count me in?
Yeah, three, two.
Oh, you don't say the one?
I didn't know, I just pointed you.
Yeah, three, two.
Seven to me?
You're pointing at me, right?
I'm pointing right at you, directly at you.
OK, three, two.
OK, watch out, that thing's got a nail in it.
OK, 17 times movies.
He didn't count it down.
Three, two.
17 times movies.
Oh, sorry, I thought you were pointing at me.
This isn't math, right?
17 times movies equals...
OK, three, two.
17 times movies had hidden messages telling William Howard Bosharp
of happening Minnesota to kill the president.
Worth it.
If you come up with a menu for your personal chef to follow,
then we can determine which color you should dye your hair.
I know this is a bold statement,
but these 53 things from Target
can actually cure pediatric bone cancer.
So how many of these classic novels have you actually read?
Probably none, you thin lip dumb dumb.
Mary Kiss Kill, Brene Brown Ted Talk Edition.
What would you say my retainer smells like?
34 ingenious cleaning tips from sophisticated serial killers
that honestly, I shouldn't love as much as I do.
Chris Pine's rep state that Harry Styles did not actually spit on him
for a darling Venice Film Festival premiere.
That sounds like a real one.
It's time to find out if you give off more ghost,
vampire, werewolf, or fentanyl dependent greeting card author vibes.
Employees are sharing secrets.
They were never supposed to find out about their jobs
and I can't stop scrolling.
I'll give you $100 if you can cut this one eyebrow hair
by getting away from me.
This is the last one.
Thank you for letting us know.
We can prepare now.
Jason, are you ready for the last one?
I'm like entranced.
We'll tell you which cat breed you are,
but we'll tell you which cat breed you most embody,
but you have to live a day as a cat first.
Wow.
Wow, thank you.
So I'm submitting these.
Thank you for that feedback because I've decided to make it.
Yeah, it's not feedback necessarily.
It's just like, oh, I'm so glad you achieved it.
It's nice to bounce it off of people and see how you react.
So you have not submitted these yet?
Not yet.
And is this primarily lately how you've been making a living?
Is submitting headlines to Buzzfeed
or do you submit headlines elsewhere as well?
Just a Buzzfeed right now.
Do you submit any to the New York Times?
Or the New Yorker?
What are those?
Interesting.
So it might be lists for the future.
Do you have any other news sources that you...
Any other news sources?
Yeah, I'm a Hudson News guy.
You're a Hudson News?
Yeah.
No, I mean, mostly I just gossip at Bingo Nights.
That's where I get most of my...
And wait, so do you read Buzzfeed?
Do I read Buzzfeed?
Sure.
Oh, okay, okay, got it.
What's your...
Yeah.
Is my favorite author there?
Yeah, why do you...
Why do you read Buzzfeed is what I'm trying to ascertain.
Do you have your finger on the pulse?
Because I want to feel part of the culture.
I want to feel, you know...
I want to know what kind of the vape juice to get.
I want to know what kind of apartment hacks
will make me feel like an adult.
You know, all these things that everybody...
Sure, but you don't do...
What about things in your pantry that are cleaning supplies
but are actually food safe?
Right, exactly.
My point is I don't...
What's your point?
What is the last movie or television show you even watched?
Well, it's on Paramount Plus, let's see.
Infinite, probably.
Infinite.
Star Trek, you were saying?
Star Trek.
Star, you love Star Trek?
Yeah.
I just don't see you as a guy who like spends his time...
No, but I don't see...
Right, but I don't have to.
If I just get the headline version...
It's like instead of going to movies,
you just read recaps of them.
Oh, no activity.
A show that I'm on on Paramount Plus.
Oh.
Is there just plugs yet?
You're just plugging horrible things.
I just remembered.
Yeah.
Well, Bob...
Why do you say horrible things?
Oh, I'm sure it's good.
Oh, dear you.
Bob, it's so great to have you back.
You should spank him.
Okay.
Wait, no.
Here we go.
I don't know.
I don't want this.
This is not what I wanted.
You're doing this to yourself?
Let me get in there.
Let me get in there.
Bob, wait.
I'm a nasty boy.
Oh, God.
Look at all those raisins that fell out of his pocket.
Those aren't raisins.
The floor is...
Oh, God.
What happened?
That's not my pocket.
What is wrong with you?
All right.
Look, we have to take a break.
He got so excited.
He raisened all over the floor.
We have to take a break.
When we come back,
we have a guest that I don't know who they are.
This is exciting, right?
Come on, guys.
Back me up here.
Don't immediately go to your phones,
just because I say we have to take a break.
All right.
We're going to come right back.
We'll be right back with more Bob Duga,
more Jason Manzookas.
We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this.
Comedy bang bang.
We're back.
Jason Manzookas is here.
You're just making fun of my kids now?
I'm so sorry we had you back.
We also have Bob Duga's here.
You're going to make fun of me at all, Bob?
Suddenly you're a high status character.
Don't know how it happened.
Hey, bro.
If the shoe fits.
All right.
Let's get to our next guest.
I have no idea who they are,
what they're doing here.
I just got an email saying that they're booked on the show,
but please welcome Stacy Bezaba.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe this works.
Scott, I've been attempting to email you for years.
Step out of the shadows.
I can't quite.
I'm out of the shadow.
I'm sitting on the mic.
You might recognize me.
I'm not fly.
You keep trying to swat away.
Oh.
And I've been using your keyboard,
but I have to use my whole body weight to jump on every letter.
And the emails don't always come out the way I want,
but I did it.
You just did it.
You're on my mic right now.
You're right next to my lips.
Hi.
Don't worry.
You should be used to it.
I sleep on your eyelid like a lot of nights.
A lot of nights.
Sometimes I sleep in the little cupid's bow above your lip.
That's sometimes a swipe.
Oh, you've noticed that.
And then I slip off.
Hey, it's so good to, I guess, meet you in person.
Nice to meet you.
I mean, I've waved my hand at you several times recently.
I know you have.
That's you.
Yeah, and forgiven, because I realized you can't hear me
unless I'm in a mic.
I mean, otherwise, here, I'm going to back away.
Now you'll know who I am.
OK, yeah.
I'm talking that whole time.
Oh, OK.
So you just need to be amplified.
I've been talking to you this whole time.
Is that how we sound to God?
It's so subtle.
So think about the fact that this person has been trying to,
or not this person, I apologize.
I apologize.
This boy has been trying to talk to you for so long.
For so long.
I almost feel like this is like a very private moment
for both of you.
Well, I also wonder who else in your life
has been trying to talk to you for so, so long.
Bob, I'm sorry.
I've been busy.
No, we're not talking.
There's no other people here.
Oh, boy.
I've been emailing for years once I just got out.
How old are you?
What is the lifespan of a fly?
I thought flies only lived to be 24 hours.
Fallacy, that's a fruit fly.
Oh.
Fallacy, that's a fruit fly.
I know a lot of fruit flies are a lot of named fallacy.
They love irony, those fruit flies, which is ironic.
What type of fly are you?
You're not a fruit fly.
So you don't like raisins.
So I'm not going to see you eat raisins.
I find raisins difficult.
I'm knee deep in the grooves.
It's hard to eat when you're knee deep in what you're eating.
So to speak.
Do you barf on your food like he posed for the barf emoji?
I've been barfing on your wedding rice.
I couldn't believe it.
I was like, oh my God, we're doing the same thing.
So you get around.
Oh, I mean, I sleep at your house mostly because I do like the air conditioning and I like
the cable and I do like your laptop because you have very light keys.
I do have basic cable.
It's those bony little bird fingers that you have.
There's like bird bone fingers that you have.
Why are you coming down on me this time?
I'm just noticing things.
But yeah, you have the laptop.
Bob's looking at life through a whole new lens and is thriving.
Yeah, what gave you this newfound confidence?
I'll be honest.
There's a blues riff playing in my head and I feel pretty.
Yeah, I feel pretty empowered.
Wait, Bob, I feel like, did you say someplace that you've been listening to a lot of the
Joe Rogan podcast?
Oh, okay.
Do you guys know about him?
Yeah.
I think he might be a scientist.
Very curious.
That's why I stopped going to Bob's house.
So do you make your way around to different comedy bang bang related people?
Only comedy bang bang related people.
So Randy Snott's.
Randy Snott's and all the other ones.
So deep bench.
Brave the whisperer.
Yep, brave the whisperer.
Brave the braber bro.
Can I ask, were you born a fly or did you start out as a scientist?
What the fuck is wrong with you?
That's a really rude question to ask a fly.
Did I start out as a scientist?
I'm not Jeff Goldblum.
I don't know if you were like a.
That's a fictional movie, which by the way.
How do you know?
I have a pitch for.
Oh, okay.
So you were offended, but now suddenly you're a Hollywood.
You're offended until it's a segue.
I like a dovetail.
I like a dovetail and I like to segue.
If I could ride a real segue, that would be my dream.
Oh man.
Those are going to change cities forever.
Yeah, it's going to revolutionize how people commute.
Well, not for me.
So here's my pitch.
You can fly.
Why do you want to be on a segue?
I mean, you can walk.
Why do you want to be on one?
Snap.
Yeah, Scott.
Nobody's scared of you today.
I know why she's attracted you because you're such a big piece of shit.
Hey, no one said attracted.
We're roommates.
We're just roommates.
By the way, calling you a fly is like calling me a walk.
You know, it's like, why are you the verb of the thing that you do?
Well, you know, you guys named me.
I want to say that flies don't call each other flies.
I've gotten used to introducing myself that way.
Your name, though, is Stacy Bezaba.
Stacy Bezaba.
That's my name.
Yeah.
Yeah, pronounced in fly is Stacy Bezz.
Oh, okay.
I'm sorry.
Oh, it's okay.
You got to really hit that up.
I'm curious, Stacy.
Did you start kind of sleeping at Scott's and spending a lot of time at Scott's
because you were a fan of the podcast?
Or were you there and discovered the podcast as a result?
I was actually hatched as a little egg in your beard.
Oh, that makes sense now.
Wow.
Oh my God.
My mom just thought that you had a really cozy kind of safe vibe.
Like a warm blanket.
That's really sweet.
I love that somebody saw my beard and thought of it as like a place to raise a family.
Well, you then did rake your fingers through your beard and I was the only egg to survive.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Not for me, though.
You're thriving.
I got to be the only child.
You're an only child.
Yes.
Let's hear this pitch.
Okay.
Listen.
Here's a small pitch and it's the fly within a big pitch, which is, I don't think there's
enough movies made where the fly is the star.
The protagonist.
I've been background in many movies and I want to tell you what, you'll never have to
feed be craft service.
I get on it.
I eat what I want.
I throw up.
Nobody ever knows.
What movies have you been in as background?
I'm trying to think of any movie.
I'm sure you've got to be a Mr. Bean movie or two that you've been in.
Yeah.
Have you seen any of the Mr. Bean movies?
I'm always circling his head.
I saw Moneyball.
Is that what you're talking about?
I'm in Moneyball too.
And Moneyball is Billy Bean.
You're in Moneyball in that scene where you land on, you can fly around Brad Pitt and
then he goes cross-eyed as he watches you.
I want to just explain it so people don't think about it.
No, no, no.
Insane.
His name's Billy Bean in Moneyball.
You just explained it a second time because nobody heard the explanation.
Bob was talking.
Have you guys seen that show Sex and the City?
Sex and the City?
Sex in the City?
I'm not sure, honestly.
I think it's Sex and the City.
I think it's and, yeah.
Is it and, really?
I don't believe it is.
I mean, they are having Sex in the City.
Do they go outside the City limits just to have sex?
It's like, hey, let's take this to Brooklyn.
Yes.
They do have sex there.
That was the cabaret law.
Yeah.
You can have sex.
You can have sex.
No dancing in bars and sex only in Jersey.
Only in Jersey, yeah.
But the cabs won't go there.
Right, yeah.
We know a lot about New York.
I was background on Sex and the City.
Really?
Every sidewalk cafe scene I'm in.
Wow.
Incredible.
I got cut out a lot because it wasn't, you know, I wasn't under contract.
I was volunteering my background work at that time.
To get a foot in the industry?
Yeah.
That's how you have to explain it.
Oh, I have a question.
I have a question.
I have a question.
Any hot guys about Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cottrell?
Well, SJP.
Do you know who those two people are?
No, but I want to feel included.
What happened?
Well, oh, you mean between the two of them?
Yeah.
Did you notice that?
Their notorious drama on set?
Yeah.
I'm a fly on the wall.
Whoa.
Do you want to know what really happened?
Yeah.
Tell us.
Had nothing to do with the, you know, the calling about the grief.
You know, the whole thing that was in the tabloids.
What?
You know, you know how the tabloid said somebody called somebody about a grief.
A grief?
Aging.
Charlie Brown.
Somebody died in one of their families.
Oh, oh, oh, I see.
Yes.
I think, yeah.
Someone called and said.
I'm so sorry.
Okay.
That's what the tablet said.
Look, it's hard for me to read because I'm so close that I get one.
Yeah, you might be getting somebody to see it.
Let's take you hours to read one article.
Hours.
And then by the time I get to the end, I do sort of forget how it started.
Oh, yeah.
You have the brain of a fly.
Listen.
Wow.
Listen.
You have the brain.
1000 eyeballs.
So shut the fuck up.
Yeah.
I mean, for all you know, is Stacy Bezaba.
Is Bezaba correct?
Yes.
Is a PHB, you know, who knows?
I could be.
I could be a PHB.
What's a PHB?
Go ahead and say it.
Oh, I don't know.
Okay.
By the way, how many of your eyes are seeing this right now?
Whoa.
Double finger?
More like a thousand.
Scott's feeling clearly feeling ganged up on me because he's resorting to just
to like true flipping off.
Yes.
Flipping off the guests and being a real jerk.
But look back to the fly.
Yeah.
What's your pitch?
It's already called back to the California reasons back.
Do the California reasons meet the fly?
I'm open to pitches.
Okay.
This is what I want to get with you guys because you guys are funny.
You're open minded.
You're going to see where I'm coming from.
Okay.
What do you got?
We do a remake of the fly.
We don't have to change the title because it's so obvious.
It's a fly.
It's a fly who's experimenting in their little tiny laboratory and they
accidentally turn into Jeff Goldblum.
Whoa.
It's a reverse fly.
I can guarantee you he'll do it.
It's a reverse remake.
Fly POV.
Oh, a reverse.
And Jeff Goldblum is just, what does he do?
He doesn't know what to do.
Suddenly, you know, he's, he's, he's.
He sits down at the piano.
I'm just thinking about it.
Is it the same?
Well, no, but it has kind of a fun freaky Friday element where the person as a
fly has to, you know, let's say he's, he's got, he's at a big board meeting or
something and everybody's like, why are you eating that rotten fruit?
Why are you eating that poop?
And he's like, oh, it's, so he has to cover for himself.
See, this is, and this is why I wanted to come on the show.
There we, there we go.
Here's how it's different.
Okay.
So you're saying, you're saying the fly is performing an experiment and has a
similar machine.
And this time Jeff Goldblum just wanders into the machine.
Yeah.
But that would be hard because the tiny machine would be so tiny.
Yeah.
That would be a little difficult to do.
Yeah.
So, so the, the setup would have to be slightly different in that the, the fly is
experimenting with human DNA or something like that in, and, and invariably the
experiment goes wrong.
Thus turning the fly progressively into a human, not.
Do you want to write this?
Do you want to write the first 20 pages then abandon it?
And then abandon it and give money back.
You're on to something because here's what happens.
The fly lands on Jeff Goldblum's taint and it gets a little fecal matter.
Oh, I like this.
In its mouth.
And then it flies home to its laboratory.
Right.
And it's doing an experiment.
And then gets into the machine and suddenly it becomes.
Accidentally throws up the fecal matter and Jeff Goldblum's DNA.
DNA and suddenly he grows.
Is he a tiny Jeff Goldblum the size of a fly?
Does he play piano ever too?
He loves to play piano.
Well, we have to get the piano in there.
He loves it.
It's honestly when I think about this movie, the jazz is the background to the whole movie.
It's the way to get Jeff Goldblum in your thing is to have his character playing jazz
piano in it.
He'll just agree to it.
And he's tiny because we've never seen a movie about a teeny tiny jazz player.
As far as I know, we've only seen Jeff Goldblum, Jeff Goldblum sized in any movie.
We haven't seen him giant.
We haven't seen him like in a honey I shrunk the kids scenario.
What is going on here?
I mean, he seemed small next to the dinosaurs, but that wasn't real.
Yeah.
It's forced perspective.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Would you rather see a movie in which Jeff Goldblum...
Oh, is this what you rather?
Oh, I love what you rather.
Do we have the theme, Devin?
Devin, can we do Would You Rather, please?
Yeah, let's get the theme going.
I always wanted to play Would You Rather.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Brr.
Brr.
Brr.
Brr.
I was pretty close.
Yeah, you were.
I remembered a lot of it.
Don't talk during the theme.
I know.
Yeah.
Brr.
Brr.
Brr.
Brr.
Brr.
Brr.
Brr.
Brr.
Why are you doing this again?
Okay, Jason, what is your would-your-other scenario?
Would you rather, would you rather a movie?
I feel like a Paul Thomas Anderson sound.
Do you know who that is?
Huh?
He does what you do.
Freedom?
Freedom?
Freedom with.
Dress is nice.
Paul Thomas Anderson.
Yes.
Would you rather watch a movie or be inside of a fictitious world in which Jeff Goldblum
is tiny, i.e. honey, I shrunk the kids, et cetera, inner space, or he is giant.
Jack and the Johnny Killer.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
And Gulliver's Travels.
Perfect example.
Yeah.
Are you opening the floor for questions?
I am now opening the floor for questions.
Okay, who directed the movie?
Such a good question.
Because a lot of times I'll only go see a movie based on like the writer or the director
or the star or the script or how it's made or the trailer or word of mouth or reviews.
Boy, you are a stickler.
This is whether or not there's air conditioning.
Sure.
How much it costs if it's a free screening.
Anything else?
Those are pretty much the parameters.
Okay.
Michael Bay.
Michael Bay.
What Bay is he named after?
Pigs.
Great.
You know, Michael Bay learned his camera moves from me.
Oh, the swooping zooming.
Really?
Yeah.
He learned that by watching.
Those kinetic flying, yeah, fly like camera moves.
That was all me.
Before I did background on one of his other movies.
True.
The Rock.
The Rock.
Sure.
I inspired the Armageddon swoops around Liv when she's crying.
So good.
Swoops around Bruce.
And weren't you there also when Aerosmith recorded all the music for it?
I was there for all of that.
In the room.
I was there and he looked at a bunch of sexy videos of his daughter for the inspiration.
So hot.
Awesome.
Are you upset that drones are a thing now?
I mean, it seems like they're taking up your airspace.
I mean, well, I don't even mind the airspace.
I just think give credit.
Yeah.
Because we based them on what you.
That's what I do.
And you're also taking potentially, you know, cameras.
I am certain somebody in your position.
Cameras were trending towards getting smaller and smaller and smaller.
So pretty soon you could have been a camera operator, a cinematographer, you know, a director
of photography.
You could have had a whole new career open up.
But now, you know, drones are taking up all those jobs.
I could still do it.
You guys could get me in.
I mean, that's again, that's why I'm here.
I could direct.
Your Jeff Goldblum reverse fly movie.
I think it's going to be hard if he's making a tiny movie.
Would you rather.
We're in this.
Oh, we have another one.
All right.
Let's do.
Okay.
Let's play the theme again.
Does it get shorter?
Shh.
I'm going to swap you.
Oh.
Why would he get shorter each time?
Shh.
I made the theme.
Can't you picture Daniel Day Lewis digging an oil well right now?
I'm an oil man.
It's a song.
Songs don't, like, indeterminately get shorter or longer each time you play them.
You played them multiple times.
It's like a countdown, you know.
Sometimes.
Songs should get shorter the more times you play them.
You don't need to.
You've heard them already.
You don't need to be the whole thing anymore.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fun fact.
Shh.
Okay.
What's this?
Would you rather inside of the would you rather is.
Okay.
And this is specifically for you, Stacey.
We don't get to ask questions on this.
Oh, I guess you could all ask questions.
Okay.
But I guess would you rather make this adaptation of the fly.
What's Mark Wahlberg like?
Oh boy.
I would love to talk to you about that.
I can tell you about that.
Absolutely.
We can talk about that.
Would you rather make this fly adaptation reverse fly or just because it seems like
you're such a fan, be a part of the comedy bang bang kind of podcast world.
Maybe have your own podcast on CBB World.
My God.
I have to choose.
Are you opening the floor for questions?
I'm opening the floor for questions.
Okay.
And the floor remains open for the previous one.
Would you rather a tiny Jeff Goldram or a giant fix?
Do I have to pay her in money or in like rotten food?
I mean, do I get to answer this question?
Yeah.
I guess you could.
What would you prefer?
Just rotten food.
Really?
And you don't even have to do anything.
I already eat at your house.
Wait, is this an option?
I don't get paid in rotten food.
What would I do with money?
It's a good point.
I land on money sometimes because it's a lot of fecal matter.
It's so dirty.
Sure, so dirty.
Oh, it's my favorite.
Yeah.
It's weird that we even still use it.
It's disgusting.
It's a rare find now.
Yeah.
Your wallet doesn't have any.
Yeah, I know.
It just has a bunch of mods.
Sorry if you have to battle them.
Yeah, I'm not a fan of the mods in your wallet, I'll be honest.
I stay away from that wallet.
Yeah, they're there just to signify how empty my wallet is.
I'm sorry.
It's a funny bit the first time.
I know.
You want them to get shorter and shorter.
It's sad now because a lot of times you performatively open your wallet hoping the mods will fly out
and insinuate there's nothing in there, but they're just dead.
Yeah, they're dead.
They're just dead mods.
Shake them out onto the floor.
What was the first one?
Tiny Jeff Goldblum, Giant Jeff Goldblum.
How big does he get?
Are we able to?
As big as you want, baby.
Are we able to see him entirely in frame?
He can be like high juice size?
Or do we only see his feet the entire movie?
No, you will see his whole body.
He can grow, let's say in the Giant version, he can be anywhere from frost giant size.
From the new Lord of the Rings of Power series?
Or from the Thor movies or whatever.
But he could also be as big as a Pacific Rim Kaiju.
Here's my concern.
Can we offer concerns and not just questions?
We are now entering concern corner.
Can we hear that theme?
Can we hear the concern corner theme?
I thought we have a theme for that.
Shaking his head, no, okay.
I mean, I sing too if you want me to do a new theme.
Oh yeah, please.
Okay.
I'm concerned, I've got a concern for you.
Got a concern for you.
We've all got concerns to share.
Is it still going?
We've all got concerns to share.
Sometimes a concern comes up and you've got to share it.
We've all got concerns in our heart.
I'll go as long as the other one.
Sometimes concerns can be concerning, but don't you worry.
Just be discerning when you're trying to figure out your concerns.
No need to feel like their brain has no talking during the theme.
And then it would be something like that.
Okay, I love it.
And it could be something that like, if you don't mind and, you know,
to protect your IP, if you would like.
Wow.
But our listeners could take that, put music under it,
elongate it, remix it.
Yeah, I would love that.
Are you cool with that?
Yeah, I would love that.
Guys, I mean, I know you can't really see my up close Facebook.
Can we get a poster so people know?
If you get a magnifying glass, you guys will see.
I have so many.
Where do you get magnifying glass?
Are there like Sherlock Holmes, Cosplay?
What we should get is...
There's one on your phone.
We should get giant magnifying glass and put it on the mic arm
so that we can be looking so at Stacey on the mic when she appears.
I would love that.
I would love that.
All right, let me get my magnifying glass app here and let's see how...
Ooh.
What was that?
It sounded like a horny.
Yeah.
Kind of a butterfly.
Hey, look, a couple of my eyes might be a little milky,
but I've been in the, you know, life for a long time.
I don't know.
Not the most symmetrical fly face I've ever seen.
Wow.
It's so mean.
Wow.
This is someone who's come on and just contributed, like,
a new song to your podcast.
Yeah.
A new point of view that we've never heard from before.
Thank you.
This is like a...
Stacey, you were a fascinating guest and I apologize.
Scott's just...
Not into it.
Scott's just butthurt because everybody's being mean to him,
including Bob Dooku.
I'm sorry I called you a butterfly.
It's fine.
You accept the apology.
You know, butterflies, that's a completely different, you know,
they're not kind.
They're not a kind species and I don't...
When I said butterfly, I meant like a butter face for a fly.
Oh my God.
Well, I thought you were just calling me a big insect.
No, sorry.
Can you use butter face in a sentence?
So it's more of a butterfly.
I think this is a good time.
Yeah.
Can I use butter face in a sentence?
She's a real butter face.
Okay.
Wow.
You've just become so cruel.
You'd like Joe Rogan.
I think he's trying to swap me with words
since he can't swap me with his hands right now.
He can't swap you with my hands.
Okay, come back, come back.
All right.
Are we still in the middle?
Would you rather...
We're in two.
We're in the middle.
Wait, Bob, I just want...
I want a tiny Jeff Goldblum who has to jump on the piano keys.
Great.
I love that.
To jazz out.
Do you think we could actually...
I mean, you guys are comedians,
but I feel like you know science too.
It's been a long time.
Yeah, of course we do.
Of course we do.
I did some reading.
Yeah.
Do you think we could shrink Jeff Goldblum for real?
To do the movie.
And then just to be my friend.
Oh.
I think so.
We'd have to lure him here.
All we would need is...
A piano?
I mean, almost everything.
We have almost everything we need.
We're near Jeff Goldblum.
We can get our hands on a piano.
We need a piano and a photographer.
The only thing we need is the...
Is I guess the technology required to shrink a living human being successfully?
That's easy.
We can figure that out.
That feels like a tiny detail.
But you just get a trail of Erawan gift cards.
Serious question.
In the movie Big, did they shrink Tom Hanks and Robert Loja for them to be on that piano?
That must have been how they did that, right?
It must have been how they did that.
Maybe others just have to build a giant piano.
That would be insane.
I think they did that.
I think it was a giant piano that they built.
That's insane.
I should have been in that movie.
What about that movie Downsizing?
That's a building in New York City.
The entirety of the building is a piano.
Really?
And it's just that floor has the keyboard.
Oh my God.
So the rest is like the little hammers?
And yes, the strings, the hammers, the resident chamber, all the, you know...
That would be a terrifying building for me to fly through.
I'd be killed immediately.
Oh, the sound would be...
All those hammers?
Yeah.
Please hammer, don't hurt them.
Or don't hurt her.
Please.
Don't hurt her.
You know, you have to shut down the questions at a certain point.
I do?
Yes.
I'm going to keep...
Don't hurry.
I'll do it.
Bob, any other questions?
So, Mark Wahlberg.
Yeah.
Is it a crazy diet?
Is it just like all...
What is it all?
Chicken breast and eggs?
You got to watch his reality show.
You'll see.
Yeah.
It's all in there.
He'll get...
And his workouts the whole thing.
It's all there.
Well, but here's the big question.
Yeah.
What happened to his clothesline?
I know he was trying to get that apparel.
I know.
That's a good question.
And then the pandemic really just really put a...
The pandemic really, I think...
I have a question.
Did he ever take that TV out of the break room at Wahlbergers that he was so upset about?
Oh, I don't know.
You watch Wahlbergers.
I do not.
It wasn't Wahlbergers.
It was his other Paramount Plus reality show.
Oh, you watch that?
Oh, then I'm sure.
That took place in the making of your movie, where basically it's mid-pandemic, he says
Wahlbergers is losing money.
He walks into Wahlbergers, sees a TV in the break room and is like, what are they doing?
They're allowed to watch TV.
And he attributes the failure of Wahlbergers to people watching TV during the break.
Is Wahlbergers a burger chain owned by Mark Wahlbergers?
It is.
By the Wahlberg family.
Yes.
Yes.
The brothers.
Yes.
I got to go.
You got to go.
They have rotten food.
Oh, I'm sure there's a dumpster behind a Wahlbergers that you're going to just love.
Hey, hey, hey.
I like it fresh.
When people lift up their little bun to put on their condiment, I dip in.
Oh.
That's true.
You might like Wahlbergers.
I like the food that a fly would actually like before it turns rotten.
Wow.
Sounds like a review to me.
Savage takes from Scott Ackerman today.
Sorry, I know he's your co-star and friend.
The opinions of Scott Ackerman are his and his alone.
They do not reflect the opinions of anybody else on this panel, including me, Jason Manzukis.
The artisan.
The, aka the artist.
When are you shutting down the questions?
And I am now closing the floor for questions.
For the.
On the first, would you rather?
On the first one.
Okay.
We're still asking questions about, would you rather make the movie with Jeff Goldblum
or be a part, this is just for safety, or be a part of the CBB world universe?
Yeah.
I mean, I think I have to go with the one where I think of my own career.
Yes.
I mean, I want it.
Put yourself first.
Yeah.
I want to say yes, because I want to go, I want to work with Jeff Goldblum.
Who wouldn't?
Don't I want to create my own brand?
Exactly.
You can work with whoever you want there.
Other flies.
Do you like other flies or?
Not really.
Really?
That's why I've been bugging you for so long.
Bugging.
That's another thing, you know, like we call the verb of like bothering.
We call it, we name it after you, you know?
That's what I'm saying.
I mean, you guys, you know, I don't hold it against you though, because I love what you
do.
I love what you do.
It must be so hard because it seems like you don't get along with or don't necessarily
have strong relationships with other flies or other insects, perhaps, but you're so solicitous
in a relationship with people who until just today could not hear you.
And we're trying to kill me.
Yeah, and we're actively trying to kill you.
And who might try to kill you very soon.
Okay, you know.
That's a lonely life I would feel like.
I keep feeling like we get somewhere.
I know, but I mean, there's a real fucking energy between you two.
I have to be honest.
What energy?
Well, I don't know how else to say it.
Like will they, won't they?
It's real sexually charged.
It's real.
I'm not going to have sex with this fly.
It's real salmon, Diane, and cheers.
It's more like, will he kill this fly or will he not kill this?
I've landed on every part of your body.
We're in a relationship, whether you like it or not.
And I don't mean to be weird, consensually.
It's just what I do.
That's just like how I am.
This is interesting too, because I guess in a lot of ways, because you sleep with Scott.
Yeah.
You are part of his marriage.
Yeah, you're in a throuple, sort of, with the cool hopping out.
You're in a three-way relationship.
Do you land on her too?
Well, occasionally, but you know, you're my real roommate.
Get your paws off my wife.
Hey, hey, I have little feet.
Okay.
I have little fingers.
Do you have little feet?
I do.
Little feet, little fingers.
Where do you buy gloves?
From the same place at California Raisins by the, they have different sizes.
Oh, got it.
Got it.
Are you shutting down the question yet?
I am now shutting down the floor for questions.
Okay.
Do we have to, okay.
So now we have to vote.
Oh, yes.
We have to vote.
Go ahead.
Okay.
So I vote for, God, this is a tough, because I need content for a CBB presents.
Great, great.
But I do want to see you do that fly movie.
Oh boy.
Because I love Jeff Goldblum.
Oh boy.
It is tough.
It's tough.
I'm going to go with the Jeff Goldblum.
Wow.
Interesting.
But you don't have the power to make that.
I know.
I'm so sorry, Scott.
That is incorrect.
Oh, shit.
All right.
Bob, how do you vote?
Well, I'm not, I don't know if I'm registered to vote here.
Okay.
Are you a felon too?
Is this voter fraud?
I'll be honest.
I did vote earlier.
Okay.
Earlier today.
Yeah.
There's not an election going on today.
I know, but I, are you sure?
It's California.
There's an election.
They're all the time.
No, I vote for, I want, I want to see Jeff, a teeny tiny Jeff Goldblum.
Yeah.
God damn.
Sorry, but it's incorrect.
Nobody's voting for my career.
That is incorrect, Bob.
I'm so sorry.
Stacy.
How are you going to vote?
Stacy.
I'm voting for my career.
I'm voting for, I'm going to.
Tell us what you think.
Who are you voting for?
But who are you?
Yeah.
Just who are you voting for?
Bob, for me, for myself.
But who are you voting for?
You've been waiting all this time to be listened to.
Tell us.
Are you guys, you're treating me like I'm just buzzing right now.
Can you not hear me?
Did this thing stop working?
Stacy, I can hear you.
I can hear you.
Okay.
They're just messing with you.
So you want your own show.
I want my own show.
Because I can have Jeff Goldblum on it.
That is, not only is that the right answer, but you get that wish.
You get to have your own CBB world pilot.
As we all know, Jason is the person who.
I'm the creative director behind CBB world.
I've been operating in the shadows until now.
So you got your own show.
It's a pilot.
You can do whatever you want from the, it's a flies, it's fly,
through a fly's eyes.
Does she have to wear a little converse?
Through a fly's eyes.
Through a fly's eyes.
1,000 episodes.
1,000 episodes.
1,000 episode order.
1,000 episodes for all the things you've seen.
Jason, I'm going to go bankrupt on this.
Through a fly's eyes.
Oh my God.
This is the best.
This is the best day of my life.
Do you know who that is?
No.
But you know about your dealer's brother.
Oh boy.
Are we, do we vote on the other one now?
Oh, I don't think so.
So we're just not going to vote.
That one, that one just, that one went away.
That's died on the vine.
Yep.
Okay.
All right.
Well, I guess that's how you play.
Would you rather.
This is from Star Wars.
Shut up.
Ow.
Ow.
See, he's got a little chubby.
You shut up.
You dirty boy.
So much, so much spanking and slapping for you today.
Real horn dog.
Should there be a restaurant chain called horn dogs?
There should.
Yes.
Like they serve hot dogs with naked women.
And they try to fuck you.
Yeah.
Like it should be like a, like a Hooters.
Yeah.
Hooters.
But for hot dogs.
There's none.
There's no sexy male waiter restaurant.
Yeah.
Oh, it should be that.
Yeah.
For women to come to.
Stuffed buns.
But they're covered head to toe other than their dicks are out.
Yeah.
It's, or it would be like clear plastic.
So it gets kind of sweaty.
It's foggy.
It's foggy.
Well guys.
The foggy sausage.
It's called the foggy sausage.
The foggy sausage.
The foggy sausage.
AKA horn dogs.
Horn dogs.
A lot of restaurants.
The foggy sausage.
So good.
I want to hear Bob Duke's list of restaurants next time.
Oh yeah.
Chain restaurants.
Well, congratulations.
Stacey.
And then I'd like Doughboys to go to all of them.
Congratulations Stacey.
You have a thousand episodes.
Oh my God.
Thank you.
This is better than I thought.
I guess we're going to release several a day.
Is that how this works?
Yep.
Three a day.
Three a day.
They come out.
Plus vitamins.
Yep.
They won't be too long.
They're going to be like no more than two to three hours each.
Oh geez.
All right.
Well look, we are running out of time speaking of not being too long.
We only have time for one final feature on the show and that is a little something called
plugs.
The bag opens up.
I need to read some plugs today for you and me to see where we'd be if we were remarked
in the sky's basement.
The bag opens up.
The plugs fall out.
His mother shouts, pushing her out of mouth.
She says to him, Scotty Ark, put the plugs in the bag.
Hot dogs for all.
Nice.
I like that one.
That was a good one.
Okay.
Okay.
That was a little wrong note to end it on.
That was Help We Are Trapped in Scott's Basement by Penumbra.
Thank you to Penumbra.
And guys, what do we want to plug?
Jason, what are you plugging here?
I will plug.
I know you mentioned how did this get made earlier.
So of course, if you haven't listened to it, it's me and Paul Scheer.
If you can only listen to one podcast, listen to Comedy Bag Bag.
If you have time for two in your schedule.
Mosey on over to How Did This Get Made.
Also right here on the Ear Wolf Podcast.
You take all Moseyers.
Well, yes.
Any and all Moseley's.
Not Moseley's.
Mosey's.
Mosey's?
Who are the Moseley's?
The other side's Walter.
The author.
Yes, Walter.
Yes, of course.
Tia and Tamara?
No, they're Maori's.
Okay.
Yeah.
Anyway.
Oh boy.
I will also please if you guys are out there and you're looking for something to watch.
I know there's a lot of things competing for your eyeballs.
Paper Girls on Amazon.com is absolutely fantastic.
And I show off.
I love the comics.
The Brian K. Vaughn Cliff Chang comic series that has been adapted is a fantastic story.
Time travel story about like four young girls who get kind of pushed into a time war and
shunted back and forth through time.
They meet their future selves.
They talk to their future selves.
It's really cool.
And I get to be the villain.
Amazon Prime?
Amazon Prime.
Bob, what do you want to plug?
Well, I also have a podcast.
Oh, that's right.
Full throttle.
Full throttle with Bob Duke with my hapless engineer, Mitchell.
Sort of a feckless cuck.
Oh, yes.
I've listened to the show and the guy seems great.
He's not good at his job.
No.
Terrible.
I'm mentoring him.
But that's on Comedy Bang Bang World.
And I'd also like to plug your mouth, you jerk.
Oh, man.
Bob, you have changed.
Wow, Bob.
Bob, have you been doing a roast battle?
You know what it is?
I've been chugging mushroom coffee.
Chug a mushroom coffee?
Chug a mushroom coffee that I found out about from Joe Rogan.
It may have raised my testosterone levels and that's why I'm being so aggressive.
Oh, you're high T right now.
I'm high T.
Oh, my God.
I grew up on all those mushrooms.
Stacey, buzz up.
Sorry.
Buzz.
Oh, thank you.
That's how you'll intro me because I was thinking you could be my assistant sometimes.
Oh, yeah.
Sort of the Mitchell to your Bob.
Exactly.
Okay.
I'll see what I can do.
So what are you plugging?
Obviously a thousand episodes.
A thousand episodes of Through a Fly's Eyes starring me.
Stacey.
Buzz.
Zubba.
I would also like to plug Paper Girls because you've been so supportive.
Oh, thank you.
Today.
So much, Stacey.
I'm going to go home and if Scott watches it, I'll watch it, but that's really the only
I doubt you're going to see it.
Oh, shoot.
I'm going to have to switch home.
I mean, now that we're working together so closely and so many times a day.
Go to Jason's house.
He's good.
He's watching his own stuff.
Come on over.
I watch my stuff all the time.
I bet it's just on repeat.
Oh, yeah.
We can watch Infinite.
There's so much.
Yes.
Yes.
And I could get back in the beard.
Yeah.
You know, when you go to your old childhood.
Oh, yeah.
I used to look this beard is smaller than what I remember.
Oh my God.
It's going to be so different.
I can't wait.
It's so much grayer than when I was a kid.
Oh, aren't we all?
And then I was plugged Christmas.
Christmas is coming up in December.
Great.
Do you have the concept of Christmas?
The holiday.
The holiday.
Yeah.
Great.
And then I'd like to just, I'd like to put in a plug for butterflies.
I don't think we need to be as unkind to each other as we all are.
That's nice.
Yeah.
We're more aware of a butterfly fly rivalry than the rest of us.
Then the butterflies are.
Maybe even.
Because they're so up their own ass.
Yeah.
They're just like, look, I used to be a caterpillar.
Now look at me.
They love themselves too much.
Well, they don't get swatted.
And I think that's where it all started.
Yeah.
We love butterflies.
Oh, look at this pretty one.
Oh, land on my hand.
Oh, we can't believe like how beautiful they are.
And they're transparent.
We discount their transformation from what they were the caterpillar.
We kind of discredit is like, oh, ugly.
Man, I wish you flies turned into something pretty.
Wow.
All right.
Just savage.
See?
See?
Movie magic could make that happen.
This is real fucking stuff right here.
I mean, you're annoying, but if you were like cute, it would be like a butterfly.
It would be okay.
I really felt like I was cute.
I mean, I look in your mirror when you look in the mirror.
This is begging to be a movie in which now you are either turned into a fly.
Like a Twilight Zone irony.
Or Stacy is turned into a human and you guys.
If this were a Twilight Zone, I would like be a, be an astronaut who tries to swat a fly
in my spaceship and then I land on a planet where everyone's giant and then they try to
swap me.
If there was a movie.
Thank you.
Where I turned into a human.
What actress would be, would play me that then Scott's character would fall in love with.
Who's an ugly actress?
Okay.
Jesus.
So what you're saying is you only fall in love with ugly actresses.
Wow Lee.
That's real.
You stay away from my wife.
I don't shower too often.
She smells too nice.
All right.
I just want to plug.
Okay.
The best of voting is now open.
That's right.
Best of Comedy Bang Bang 2022 is now open.
This is the final episode you can vote for from Thanksgiving of last year to Thanksgiving
of this year.
Head over to CBBworld.com slash vote vote for your 10 favorite episodes and then we'll
count them down at the end of the year.
And then speaking of the best ofs, we have a contest going on.
If you have bought the CBB book, the comedy bang bang book, you can go to CBBworld.com
slash book.
There's a little button on the page and you can enter our contest, which is all you have
to do is prove that you've bought the book, show your receipt and then pick an episode
from the year that you want me to introduce using your words.
Basically, I'll say whatever you want, whatever you like about it, I'll introduce it, I'll
mention you and then you can be the sponsor of whatever and it doesn't have to be an episode
that actually is in the top whatever we end up counting down.
I'll play a clip from it and just talk about why you like it.
So that is at CBBworld.com slash book.
You can also buy the book there, including the last few autographed copies.
And while you're over there, CBBworld, some great shows like Full Throttle with Bob Duca
and also Through Fly's Eyes.
All right, let's close up the whole plug bag.
So I'm going to knock my heart out for the rest of the kissing.
I'm talking open up the plug bag.
I'm opening up the plug bag.
I'm opening up the plug bag as I decide to get that new open up your heart.
My son's dead!
Okay, that is the first plug bag theme song that I've liked, mostly because it's a Martin
Sheffield Lickly song.
Mostly I'm enjoying it because of that reference.
Well that was the look of plug by Always Be Cuddling.
Thank you so much to them for that wonderful plug theme, closing up the plug bag theme.
I can't recommend enough people re-listening to those, the episodes with Martin Sheffield
Lickly and Memphis Kansas Breeze.
Oh yeah, they were on tour with us too.
I listened to repeatedly through the pandemic to get me out of bad moods.
Yeah, fantastic.
Well guys, I want to thank you so much Jay, it's always great to have you.
Thrilled to be here, what a delight, back in the studio, love it.
Maybe your final episode in the studio?
Last episode of Comedy Bang Bang.
And Bob.
Thanks for having me.
I want to see a change in your attitude next time you're on the show.
Okay, please, please have me back.
Okay, I will, definitely.
Say hello to your mother.
Stacey Bazaba.
You have got it now.
Thanks for having me.
Thanks for having me.
It's the speed of getting it down, my hand is coming down on this mic.
No, no, no.
I got her, I got her, I killed her.
Oh, God.
Why would you do that?
Well, now I feel terrible.
I mean, she, I got to know her, I got to know her personally, I just, the savage part of
my brain, just my snake brain, my reptile brain, just like.
Let's get out of here, Bob.
Let's go.
Get on my back.
These chocolate mushrooms.
Our service, Jack.
We'll leave you to what you've done, Scott.
How did you get so jacked?
Oh my God.
All right.
Well, everyone's gone.
We'll see you next time.
Thanks, bye.