Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Jason Mantzoukas, Taran Killam, Paul Brittain, Ryan Gaul
Episode Date: March 4, 2024Prized horse fighters Bever Hopox, Chico Hands, and Bisby St. Hancock aka The Calvins Triplets of Calvin’s Family Bee Honey Taffy Farm and Horse Fighting Ranch return to join Scott and guest co-host... Jason Mantzoukas to recall their court case against their rivals The Baxter FKA Decker Triplets. Remember, ya gotta laugh!
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Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.
Bruchetta, my groin and enjoy like a trisket.
Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.
Thanks to Kaka Diddle You for that catchphrase submission.
Thanks so much to Kaka Diddle You.
And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.
Indeed, for another edition, a special March edition.
That's right, March is in like a lion
because we have a great show for you.
Coming up a little later on the show,
we have the return of entrepreneurs.
I said I would never have entrepreneurs back on the show,
but...
It's an episode of Shark Tank.
That's right.
Mr. Wonderful is back.
Oh, after tragic events in his life. Wouldn't that be weird if Mr. Wonderful is back. Oh. After tragic events in his life.
Wouldn't that be weird if Mr.
Wonderful had his arm chopped off like the
devil effort drummer?
Oh, wouldn't it be weird if I don't think I don't
think Rick Allen's arm was chopped off?
I like, what was it?
Been off by a shark?
What happened?
I mean, it was, I think it was a drum set attack.
I think it was demolished.
That the drum set hit back. The drum set and the drum set attack him? I think it was demolished. They stopped hitting me. That the drum set hit back?
Yeah.
The drum set and the drum set plays with machetes.
My name is Scott Ackerman by the way,
and you know that. Who cares?
Melodious voice next to me.
He is my co-host for this week's edition of
In Like a Lamb, Comedy Bang Bang, In Like a Lion.
That's right, we're out like a lamb.
Out like a lamb.
The episodes at the end of this month are gonna be terrible the lion in winter. That's right the lion in winter
You know him best as nowadays
Forget anything he's ever done
You know him get it all you know him now as mr.
Deedles or some shit on Percy Jackson and a bunch of Olympians or some of what is this?
Percy Jackson and a bunch of Olympians or something. Is there's a Jackson and a bunch of Olympians that I play?
Mr. Deedle's Mr.
Deedle's who runs the Deedle camp of the whole entire
Deedle camp. The whole Deedle camp. All the deal.
Is your bailiwick? Oh, yeah. Oh, that's my.
Oh, yeah, that's that's my baili. That's my George Bailey.
Wicked.
That is a Mr.
Mr. Mr. Wonderful.
A Mr. Mr. Wonderful. Wonderful. If he was in it's a wonderful life. And if he was a Mr. Wonderful Life. A Mr. Wonderful Life. What about Mr. Wonderful if he was in It's a Wonderful Life?
And if he was in Mr. Mr.
So it was Mr. Wonderful Life.
So he's in Mr. Mr. He gets his arm chopped off.
He's singing Kyriel Lason.
He's singing.
And then an angel comes down.
Chops his arm off.
Chops his other arm off.
Chops his other arm off.
So he's armless.
So he's armless.
And now. Like Venus de Milo. And then Def Le Armop. Chumps is other Armop. So he's armless. So he's armless. And now, and then Def Leppert is like,
we need him on percussion.
Venus DeMilo, wonderful piece of sculpture.
Is that right?
What do you mean?
That's just a beautiful piece of artwork.
Sure. Yeah.
That's it.
That's all you wanted to say about it.
That's all I just wanted to highlight it.
Because we don't talk about it enough these days.
Venus DeMilo or sculpture?
Sculpture in general, but Venus de Milo is typically.
I wasn't aware of that kind of show where we talked.
It's very artistic show.
Really?
Do you talk a lot about sculpture?
Oh yeah, on the episodes you're not here,
but I dumb it down when you're here.
Thank God.
Please welcome him back.
Jason Manzuchus is here.
Thrilled, thrilled to be here, Scott.
So thrilled to have you.
Wow, what an experience for us to be
in the same room together.
It truly is.
You're going out of the country soon.
I said, I gotta get you back on an episode.
Yes, we're taking, how did this get made to the UK?
It's not plugs time.
We'll talk about that a little bit.
I don't care.
I'm plugging it up.
No.
I plug when I want.
No, how dare you.
It's great to see you, Jason.
You excited to get in that big metal bird in the sky
and travel to another country?
You know, thank you for calling it a big metal bird.
First of all, because I feel like we don't think enough
about planes as birds anymore.
I know, we used to like, every time you'd see one,
you'd go, is that a bird?
Oh, no, no, no, no, okay, that's a plane, you know?
Or sometimes then you'd continue and go,
oh no, it's Superman.
But, but usually the progression was,
it's a bird, then just a plane. Sure, sure, sure. And was it's a bird then just a play.
Sure, sure, sure.
And then it's Superman.
Yeah, sometimes.
It's sometimes if he's leaping over a tall building.
Sure, yeah, in a single bound, of course.
Of course.
Yeah, it'd be interesting if Superman was like,
oh, I gotta take two with this one.
Two leaps?
Two leaps.
Two leaps in a single bound.
Oh man, Empire State Building.
Oh, this is a two leaper.
Good lord. Good Lord.
Welcome back to the show.
The Empire State Building in the TV show
and in the books, the Percy Jackson,
it is the way to get to Mount Olympus.
How do you feel about that?
Do they ever see Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks up there?
They do.
Just smooching away.
They do, they're just, well they've moved beyond it.
They're now full blown fingering.
So they're third base right now.
Third base at the top of the Empire State.
And the kids have to just navigate this
as they get to Olympus?
The kids are cheering.
Really, they're into it.
Oh, they're into it.
Oh yeah, kids, they wanna see that stuff.
Sure, yeah, I took Sex Ed in 10th grade.
He was educational.
That seems late.
That seems like, were you held back? That's when they gave it to us.
That's our school system. That seems like when when did you
take it in third grade? I think we had it in eighth grade. No,
we had it in 10th, unfortunately. Our health teacher just
did a bunch of monologues about stuff. I didn't want to hear
him talking about. Oh yeah, it was it was always a health
teacher or a gym teacher. Yeah. And that. No, ours was both. He was a gym teacher by day and health teacher by night.
Oh, really? Like sex teacher in between. Fight at night fighting health emergencies as a health vigilante.
Yes. Yeah, wonderful times. I hope kids are out there being careful. But if you see something on
the top of the Empire State Building,
you know.
If you see something, say something.
Say something, especially to Mr. Deedles.
Oh, Mr. Deedles, we saw fingering.
Who acts as a magical transport and tour guide
to Mount Olympus, I have no idea.
Absolutely.
What is this all about?
It doesn't matter, who cares?
You're now in this show,
it's one of the most popular shows of all time,
I'm just guessing.
It is, it's the biggest show in history.
In history.
I believe it is the number one show in streaming history.
Wow, that's incredible.
So you, I mean now.
I think it's been seen by now everybody on the earth.
Wow, except me.
And.
Thank you for your support, by the way.
Of course.
But it must be hard for you to walk down the street these days.
Impossible.
Impossible.
People just throw in rocks at me.
Is that why you're going out of the country?
Because the US is just too hot.
And they've got softer rocks.
Oh, yeah.
They do.
Isn't that weird how in Europe.
Soft rocks.
Soft rocks.
Yeah.
I don't get it.
Which, you know, then they traveled over here and like, you know, bands like the Eagles
and stuff were like, why don't we name our genre after these?
I hate the Eagles. You hate the Eagles? Yes. Well, don't go to the sphere.
I'm not going to. In 2024. I hate the Eagles. Why do you hate the Eagles? It's a thing. It's less
so much that I hate the Eagles. I never need to hear another Eagles song again. I like Life in
the Fast Line, but here's a perfectly good song. I've now heard it enough. Here's my issue with
them. You go to see them and you're like, all right, here's a bunch of Eagles.
And it's men.
And it's not even like most of the men are dead.
Well, it's also like, that's the thing.
And this is an incredibly moronic thing for you to be saying.
But you know, it really is, if that were what you think,
don't, mustn't you be then disappointed
every time you see almost any band, the Beatles?
When I went to see the cars?
Oh my god, I was expecting the Indy 500. Yeah, and instead it was Rico case
Rico Casick sit in there glimming face skinny old guy
In between producing weezer albums, I bet
Oh this guy, um, but uh, we are ripo legend. All right. That's right. But, We, all right, Pia Legend.
That's right, yes, of course.
We stan a king.
Rest in power.
But it is wonderful to get across the pond these days
and see the people with all those accents
saying blimey and lift.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, you know, I'm gonna,
hopefully I'm gonna hook up with Byron Deniston
while I'm over there. Oh good, oh really? Okay, we talked, I'm gonna hopefully I'm gonna hook up with Byron Dennis Deniston while I'm over there
Oh good. Oh really? Okay. We talked to him on the last episode you were on which I believe was episode 850 or something
49 somewhere around there. Yeah, and we we heard from him and then you know, obviously a lot going on over there
The gris invited me to a party. I'm pretty I'm pretty excited to get over there and see them in their home turf
Oh good. Yeah, we're going to you know the tour is going to Ireland and Scotland. Maybe I'll check out Fred Guinness
Okay, please when you come back, please catch us up on all of your
Absolutely, well, I absolutely well have them come on to and we can call I know Fred doesn't get out of the other not really I
Know Fred doesn't get out of the house. He really he he's like a homebody. He's a shut-in.
He's always there whenever we call.
Thank God.
Thank God it works for us.
Yeah, it truly does.
Well, Jason, I'm excited for you to be back on the show
because we have the return of entrepreneurs.
We had small business owners for a while.
Thank God.
And I just thought 2024, like why are we holding back?
Well, you know, the entrepreneurial spirit
is alive and well. And for this show to be promoting
It is integral for us in and as a society because we are building things again
Every actor is a small business owner. We all have loan out companies. Thank you
In order to tax job dodge. Yes. Yes. We've got to dodge those taxes. We have to dodge them. Yes, we're
the sharks. Yeah, that's true. Mr. Wonderful. Mr. Wonderful Life. Mr. Mr. Kirylazon down
the road that I'm on. Kirylazon, everyone, they say instead of Merry Christmas in this
universe, of course. It's an alternate universe where the fact that he doesn't exist means
people say Kirylazon instead of Merry Christmas. And then finally there's someone out there going, we can say Mary Christmas again.
And he's the good guy.
And it's been in the war on Christmas.
It truly is a war on Christmas.
This is this is right.
It gets by the way, we got to call.
We got to call Hallmark.
We got to mail this to the WGA is what we got.
Absolutely.
That's right.
Are they still accepting scripts?
I think so.
Yeah, I submit every day.
Every day?
Just any random idea.
I just submit ideas.
Yeah.
Well, it's wonderful to have you back on the show, Jason, and we do need to get to our
guests here on the show.
Is that all right?
I guess now, please.
Now?
Yes.
Immediately.
Well, or at least after a break.
Let us tarry no further.
Well, we have no. We have a good 15 minutes before a break.
Oh, great.
Let's get to them.
Okay.
What do you say?
Scott, I am literally begging.
Have you ever met these gentlemen before?
I don't think I have.
Okay, well.
Or if I have, it was in some sort of cacophonous scenario where there was maybe a dozen people
crammed into a room.
Yeah, possibly.
They are the, look, I've said it before, they're not only the owners,
they are the proprietors of a wonderful business out there. It's franchised in California and Florida.
They have two locations. They are, of course, the owners and proprietors of the Calvin's Family
Bee Honey Taffy Farm and Horse Fightin Ranch. They've been on this show now for, God, I wanna say a good 10 years, at least a decade.
I'm gonna look up their first appearance.
It's incredible to have them back.
They have not been on in two years,
and I think a lot has gone on in the intervening months.
But please welcome back to the show,
Bever Hopox, Chico Hands, and Bisbee St. Hancock.
Scott Lee!
Hello! Scott Lee, my boy.
How are you? How are you, Scott? How are we doing? Good to see you, Scott. Well, B. St. Hancock. Scott Lee. Hello. Scott Lee, my boy. How I am.
How I ask off.
How we doing?
Good to see you, Scott.
Well, yeah.
Yes.
Welcome back to the hotel, Scott Lee, our clay.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate that.
And this is Jason Mandukas, by the way.
I don't know if you've ever met him.
Huge fan.
Oh, wow.
Thank you.
An enormous fan.
Thank you so much.
Big fan, Jason.
It's a Mandukes night in our house.
Thank you.
Wow.
What do you want?
Only manjukes material.
Because he doesn't have a ton of stuff.
No.
Hang on.
I mean, you have like, you know, a couple of movies that went with Mark Wahlberg.
Yeah, of course.
Wahlberg.
Wahlberg.
You got the TikTok man.
Sure, of course.
And then this Percy Jackson thing, and that's about it, right?
Mm-hmm.
That's the sum total of my AMD.
That's what we watched.
We loved, though.
In that order.
Thank you, in that order.
In that Sunday night.
On loop.
On loop.
So it loops.
On Sunday night.
We Jason watching hip hoppin', flip-floppin'
through the catalogin' of the man's Zuccas,
tight tuchus.
God, Zuchus.
God, Zuchus, what a talented proviser.
Wow.
It must be so exciting for you to be in this same room with Jason Manzuchus.
I'm shaking.
I'm nervous.
Wow.
I'm stoked.
Thank you, guys. three very different reactions.
What an incredible, this is the kind of welcome boy that I would love if you could give me.
I, oh, well, I know you too well.
Kind of welcome man, whether you could give me.
Thank you. Manzookas.
That's right.
Maybe before we leave today, we could get an autograph.
Absolutely. Maybe it'd sign something for us.
For sure. Whatever you guys want.
Do you have any manzookas merch
that you could have him sign?
Signed one of our shirts.
We got a few manzooka shirts.
You have some manzooka shirts?
How did this get put on my torso?
That's what mine says.
Yeah, these are off, but these are hand-picked.
We all have, we each have our own in our coach, a novelty manzookus beard.
Oh, okay.
So like the Groucho Glasses?
And it says beard a manzookus.
Seared a manzookus.
That's right.
So it's like the Groucho Glasses that used to come out.
The P.E.'s and capital letters, beard a manzookus.
Oh, wow.
Right, right.
Wow.
So you guys like that?
I'm a zookus, you're a zookus, you're a zookus.
So you're-
Be a man, zoocuss.
Ha ha ha.
Won't you, won't you be a man, zoocuss?
I had no idea.
Wow.
Wow.
So good.
Wait, are you guys selling this merch?
Uh-huh.
Wait, no!
That all depends.
Well, I'm so bloody.
Everybody knows where entrepreneur was.
Yeah, Chico, you're in entertainment law, so uh...
That's right.
You know how to navigate this question.
That's right. Probably the best out of anyone.
I was trying to. I said, hush, pipe down.
What's that? There's laws about this stuff.
I don't sell anything. That's it.
Okay. Now you got to lie.
It's wonderful to have you guys back on the program. It's been a couple of years. I know
It's wonderful to have you guys back on the program. It's been a couple of years.
I know you've been embroiled in the lawsuit
for a couple of years.
We can catch up about that.
But I also just kinda wanna know how things are going
on the Family B Honey Taffy Farm
and horse fighting ranch.
Of course, we first got to know you 10 years or so ago.
You came on the show.
First of all, it was just Bever and it was just Chico. You were the Calvin's twins and you own a ranch where horse fighting, bee
hunting, taffy, family gathering. That's right. So horses, you have a horse...
Well there's horse fights, that's definitely the core of the business
There are Mickey Mouse you would say that's the Mickey Mouse
That's the Mickey Mouse
The Beem-Bot-Willie
Say steamboat Willie we can say that now
Yeah you can say steamboat Willie yeah
Steamboat Willie
That's right
That's the steamboat Willie and and the Beem-Honey Taffy is our twelfth night
That's me and the bee honey taffy is our twelfth night
That's clear there you go maybe not Ian Barry's Peter Pan. That's no no no that's copy right
Peter Pan in general you can talk about
And so you have these horse fights where I mean we barely even need to catch people up on this They all know know this. Horses beat each other to death every day.
It is the international premier
professional horse boxing championship epicenter.
To the death.
To the death, yes.
To the death.
What am I thinking?
What are you stumbling over there?
When you're afraid of a horse, you're an equine censor.
Equine censor, that's what I was saying.
Equinus.
Yeah.
Equine, equine, so fine.
Be mine.
Beard man, sukkas.
That's what we say.
That's what we say every Sunday night.
It comes out so smoothly.
You know, it's so eloquent and beautiful.
And you also sell taffy, of course.
And taffy season, by the way, ended in November 1st.
Although we extended one of our flavors.
Which flavor did you extend? Well, the back stories, we lost one of our favorite horses this year.
I'm so sorry.
We lost the fight or?
Cinnamon.
Cinnamon?
Cinnamon.
Oh, okay.
Cinnamon.
The daughter of cinnamon.
I remember cinnamon, I was out of the stable and all that.
So cinnamon is gone.
What happened? Well, we woke up one morning and... I hope so.
Well, we hoped we had on this particular morning.
Honestly, Scott, I wish I hadn't woken up that morning.
You wished you were dead. I'd rather be dead than witness what
we witnessed out in bond number 30. No.
You have... How many barns do you have?
Oh, hundreds.
Hundreds of barns.
Wow.
How many horses do you have on the premises at any given time?
Alive?
Yeah, sure, and we'll then talk about it.
Well, as you see, Jason, if you're not familiar,
we also have the world's largest horse incinerator
of corn premises, as each horse fight is to the death.
No.
As Scottley said earlier.
And to be clear, that's the largest because of volume,
not because you're fitting larger horses.
Yeah, the horses are not giant horses, right?
It's double-pronged.
Just in case it was a beautiful silver.
That was the morning I was glad I woke up
when we had Tumbo come here.
Oh, that's so big.
The Tumbo's largest horse in history. Was Tumbo a good here. Oh, so big! Tumbo's largest horse in history.
Was Tumbo a good fighter?
Terrible.
Oh, no!
That's how he found out that day.
A gentle giant.
Glass jar.
Huge jar.
Made of absolute porcelain.
And Tumbo took a tumbling, and we're like,
oh, bother, how are we going to take care of this?
And Chico said, Good thing we. How are we gonna take care of this? And Chico said.
Good thing we got the world's largest incinerator.
We're not even gonna bother with freeze.
We also got the world's largest horse freezer.
Oh, wow, okay.
From where we get back from.
From the backlogs of all the horse corpse.
Oh, can you only do one horse at a time in the incinerator?
No, there's so many fights and bonds and deaths
in horse corpses laying around the premises. We got stuff the premises. Your fight calendar is kind of like...
Chaotic. Chaotic. It's stacked. There's a main stage, there's side stages, it's kind of like Coachella or a music
festival. I mean, there's like about 48 horses per day that are here. I heard you
earlier referencing It's a Wonderful Life, fabulous film, and you know they say
every time a bell rings, an angel gets us wicked.
We have a similar saying, which is,
every time there's a horse fight.
It was right.
No, just every time there is a horse fight.
Every time.
I was moving on to a different subject.
Every time.
Don't interrupt Izby, please.
I wasn't trying to finish that.
So we wake up that morning, center,, Senna, Senna, Senna, Senna, Senna. Well, we,
we're on a different relationship level with Senna, Senna.
Right.
And we go out to a bond number 30 and, um,
oh God, have you ever heard of that horses can tear themselves apart?
What? No, self-tearing.
Yup.
Well, they get to a place where they know it's time and a horse will tear
itself apart limb from limb.
No tear out.
It's all started the face.
You moved out.
How?
How they can't really bend them.
Can they get there?
Explain.
But like, like physically, explain? Like physically, right?
Are there moves pre-hands on a dollar?
With all due respect, Mr. Manzook.
I really mean this with all due respect.
So two due respects at each other right now.
Yes, I take your due respect.
And I put it in my respect bag.
Duel, duel, duel.
Oh, a duel respect?
A duel respect.
A duel respect.
A duel respect.
I challenge you to a duel of respect.
Who has more respect for the other? That's the question. I can't wait to find out. I respect you. I challenge you to a doule of respect. Who has more respect for the other?
That's the question.
I can't wait to find out.
I respect you.
I watch you every Sunday night.
Who bisbis in the league?
Sir, I respect you.
You're working your commitment to the natural world.
And J.M. not buried, come and back.
I bow to you and I lick your adidas.
Oh no, I can't believe it.
Bisbif, second move, pulls out the Adidas lick.
He's licking.
Licking in the bottom.
Oh, no, he's down to two stripes.
There was three Adidas stripes, now he's down to two.
That's not Adidas anymore.
I need to bow out.
What in the hell?
I see it.
Bisbeth takes it.
No, but he's the old gentleman more respectful than old Bisbeth's sainte-garde.
I respect anybody all the way to the bank.
Down to the soles of their feet?
Anyway, he tore himself apart.
He tore himself apart.
Had never seen a horse do it like that in a long time.
That's what Tennessee Williams is referencing.
You're tearing me apart like a horse does
when it knows it's time.
That was the off-broadway line of dog
Okay, I thought that was the room it's all Terry me apart Lisa. Yes. It's also the room was based on a tendency
It wasn't really Tommy we so really drew a lot of inspiration from streetcar named desire. We know he's our cousin
Never talked about really the most boring
Honestly agree Oh, what? We've never talked about that. Really? That's the most boring part. Yes. I honestly agree. That's straightaway enough.
He's the one that introduced us into coffin sleeping.
All right.
That's right.
Of course you do that every October during taffy season,
but so I'm so sorry about CineCinnamon.
This is a great blow to the horse fighting ranch.
Well, that's why we extended one of Taffy Flavor.
Which Taffy Flavor did you extend?
I'm gonna say Cinnamon. Oh, no, no, no. Branch.
Branch flavored Taffy. That's right.
Cinnacinamon's favorite flavor.
The horses eat the Taffy. Sometimes they do.
If they get in there, if they know they knows their way in there they do but it's sin of sentiments love for that taffy flavor Started with with her love for eating branches. He loved chewing on branches wood. He cleared he cleared
Acres of fours just chewing on branches. No matter what the the tree flavor
He would see he'd start out in the morning
And you'd watch him and he'd just branch up nice and friendly to an old pine
He'd nibble nibble nibble nibble nibble nibble nibble nibble nibble all the sun
Sun's going down and that that horse
God he probably took he probably tore through six, six, seven, six,
seven hundred thousand trees.
Six, seven hundred thousand trees.
Yeah.
Wow.
Wow.
That's it.
And so you can understand how it was hard to lose.
And I said, I'm so sorry.
Like can I comfort you at all?
Do you want to?
Sure.
You come on over, sit on my lap.
That wouldn't come. You should. Come on over, sit on my lap. That wouldn't comfort me.
You should.
You offered.
You offered to.
Come on over.
You offered.
Thinking a friendly pat on the shoulder.
Yeah, I am.
So respectfully, Scottle.
That is true.
I'll do respect.
With Sinus Sinemans tearing of himself apart,
do in any way shape or form to the fact that his stomach was full of wood.
Is that a penis, Joe?
No!
What?
Not even a remote?
Because we were true to not take kindly!
I don't, I'm not insinuating that.
To genital, genital reference.
No, no, no, don't do that.
Gladness about our horses.
Dispersed.
These are athletes, sir.
These are athletes.
Sound like a horse cock, Joe. Hey, their eyes These are athletes. These are athletes. They sound like a horse cock.
Hey, their eyes are up here.
I'm so sorry.
I simply was referring to the fact that you said he ate six or 700,000 treats.
Yeah, maybe he was clawing at his stomach to try to get them out of there.
Oh, well, it's wood, wood.
It's all fiber.
It's organic.
Shoots right through.
It's literally like cereal.
Comes out the other end.
Boat. That must make the incinerator's job quite a bit easier
because there is wood in, there's already a small.
Kindling place.
A fire, a bonfire has been built.
And to build a good horse body,
you gotta have a fire in your belly.
Yeah.
Exactly, I think that's what you're saying, right?
Yes, a fire in the belly.
Fire in the oil, Fire in the oil.
That's right.
Fire behind the eyes.
You know, tumbo did not have zero fire.
Tumbo and ice cube in his gut.
He had giant enormous elephant sized gut.
Did you find that out in the incinerator?
Just say ice cube melt it.
Yeah, we saw it.
That made the incinerators job much harder.
Oh, yeah, I can only imagine.
He was a huge ice cube.
He's a big horse with Dr. Lou.
Iceicles hanging off him.
Iceicles hanging off his mom's pubis.
So sorry, and I'm sorry about Sinister Min.
Was Sinister Min a good fighter or?
Sinister Min was a very good fighter.
Very good.
I mean, you, so many,
it sounds like you're in charge of so many horses
and every day, so many horses must be dying
because you have fights to the death every day.
How do you deal with that level of loss?
It seems like you are very affected by-
Are you able to compartmentalize this at all?
You know, yeah, you care about these horses a lot.
Well, yeah, if you look at the Calvin's, Triplets,
Family, Horse, Fightin', B, Taffy, Funny Farms, MAP, everything's compartment family horse fighting beat half a funny farms map
Everything's compartment. Is it a funny?
Well, Dane Cook is on site. He does he does eight shows a week. Oh, that's not too many. No, Dan, well, I mean,
it's eight shows a week per day, per night. Wait, what, it's eight shows a week per day.
Eight shows per day. I see. Every week he does eight shows per day. This makes sense.
Each of the weeks. My question is simply, is he doing those shows for the people that are visiting the farm
or for the horses?
Yes.
With all due respect.
With all due respect.
With all due respect.
With all due respect.
With all due respect.
You know what?
I understand and recognize your respect.
Thank you.
That's not necessary.
Oh my God.
He's down to one strike.
One strike.
Oh my God.
He's down to one strike.
One strike.
Well, this is a terrible, terrible time for you guys. I'm so sorry.
I'm so glad you came on the show.
We need to take a break here, but when we come back,
I do wanna hear about what you guys have been up to
because it's been a couple of years.
And when we last saw you, something was happening
and I do wanna ask about it, but we need to take a break.
Yeah, as we go to break, is there a song that you guys would like us to play for
Sinus and Amin, maybe a favorite song of his or anything like that?
I believe I can fly.
Yeah.
By disgrace singer R. Kelly.
It's appropriate.
It's all.
That's another cousin of ours.
You're talking about R. Kelly?
R. Kelly?
Okay.
On our mother's side.
All right. Well, I guess we can send R Kelly? Okay. On our mother's side.
Alright, well I guess we can send him some of this publishing money.
Let's play, I believe you can-
The tabloids and all of it in here for some of this story.
You don't have the free version of whatever you're on right now.
Okay, this is the second ad.
This is for a movie that's been out now for three months.
It's that Sydney's movie.
Why not an earth movie?
How on earth do you not have free-
Alright, here we go.
Oh, and it's bad but
that one wait a minute this is actually a
I clicked on an apparently it's red hot chili peppers perform higher ground on
the David Letterman show that's perfect that's ideal we were at that
you were we all put to that. We loved the pepsis.
They were going to play a different song and we were listening loudly to some Stevie
Wonder.
And you said please play Stevie Wonder's Higher Ground.
Yeah.
This is March 30, 1990.
Wow.
They did take our advice of changing the lyrics to horses!
Keep on dying!
All right.
Well, we're going to come right back after this break.
We'll see you right after this with more Comedy Bang Bang and the Calvin Striplets.
We'll be right back.
Comedy Bang Bang, we're back.
Jason Mandukas is here.
Hello!
And how did this get made, of course, out there on tour in the UK,
coming up very, very soon.
Is that in March? When, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, and by that, I mean, Byron Denison is gonna be there in my stead. But we do have to get back to our guests here, Jason.
We have, of course, these three gentlemen
who own a very particular business
where there are horse fights as well as they make taffy
and apparently comedy shows,
a main stage, maybe a second stage or...
Dane Cook on the main stage and Matt Reif on the second state
Okay, so these Matt Reif seems like he's more popular these days, but I think you should Google them
Okay, okay sure the good advice in any situation. It's some you've somehow again pulled up the Red Hot Chili Peppers on David Letterman?
Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'm so sorry. Please stop when you try and pull something up. Why is it always
just that way? I don't know. Maybe I have a bookmarked. I'm not sure. But the Calvin's triplets are here,
of course, Bevor Hopox, Chico Hands and Bisbee St. Hancock and... Prison!
All accounted for. Okay, and here. Okay, thank you.
Thank God.
And you know, when we last saw you guys,
it was a couple of years back
and it was right after taffy season.
It was right before Thanksgiving, I believe.
And you were in an odd situation
because just to catch people up on this,
this is the tail end of COVID
and people were buying a lot of ivermectin,
which is a horse-ty wormer,
which was affecting your business
because the worms were so prevalent in your horses
that they would escape from the horses.
They would turn into giant tremor-sized graboids worms.
And then you had seen chop, Bisbee,
and you were chopping them in half,
which then doubled the amount of worms exponentially.
And then something really strange happened,
which is these three triplets,
the Baxter FKA Decker triplets,
bought the surrounding land around your farm, making it inaccessible to anyone
coming in other than a small child on a large drone.
And you know what?
I would love it.
Scott, I feel like you're rushing through this.
Could you just go slowly?
Could you just really break it down for us?
Because I only say this because it's so simple.
It's so easy to understand.
It's so simple.
Tale as old as time.
And people just...
It's relatable.
They just need to hear it once.
And it's just boom, it's in there.
It's very easy to understand.
You have two different horse fighting wrenches,
one in Florida, one in California.
Correct.
You wanted to-
Tampa.
Tampa.
You wanted to buy the land in between the two.
A thin little strip.
A thin little strip.
That's all.
Like a Brazilian.
A land of strip of all road.
Two lane highway.
Three grown, 70 to 80 year old triplet man.
Could be proud of. Wait, you guys are 70 to 80 years old triplet man. Could be proud of.
You guys are 70 to 80 years old, you look fantastic.
Oh, thank you very much.
Thank you.
I'm Caesar.
But you wanted to connect the two horse fighting,
and so you would have the longest horse fighting ranch
in existence.
That's right.
And before you could do this.
Who holds that distinction now?
Do we know? The Baxter half and a deco triplets. Oh's right. And before you could do this. Who holds that distinction now? Do we know?
The Baxter Half and a Decotriplets. Oh, yeah. Because they're in a circle. They're in a
horse an aside circle around you. Horse an aside.
So it never ends. So that's technically infinite.
That's a circle longer than a straight line. You learn that in geometry class.
So they bought the surrounding land around your farm so that you could never create the strip to your other farm.
You tried to burrow under it, they wouldn't allow you.
You tried to build a bridge over it, they wouldn't allow you.
Nope. Nope.
And when we did our last episode, we got them on the phone because they owned the Baxter FKA Deckard Triplets Pig,
Rustlin and Caramel Country Mart.
I hate it here in their voices.
Yep, they were on the phone with us, and we left a message for them, but
you offered to have a sit down with them along with Jeff Cohen, the entertainment lawyer,
Chunk, he played in Goonies.
Great lawyer.
By the way.
He offered his services-
Good lawyer.
No, it's just-
The best decision we ever made. No. Was it no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no and equine privates are off the table. Off the table today. Okay, good to know for this episode.
So whatever happened with that?
Did you do the sit down?
Did any of this actually take place?
Oh, we did.
Oh, yes.
Yes.
Yeah.
It happened.
It was long.
Yeah, it was too long.
It took some, that's where we'd been.
We would have been here sooner.
Yeah.
You know, you know.
Cause I asked you to come to the next episode.
Couldn't do it? Yeah. Couldn't do it. Could have been. It was Yeah. You know you know. Cause I asked you to come to the next episode. Couldn't do it?
Yeah.
Couldn't do it.
We was in court.
That's right.
So you've been in court this entire time
for over two years.
Out of curiosity, are you guys hiring a lawyer
or does one of you represent the group?
Both.
Got it.
Yeah.
I am a lawyer.
I do hold a law license, but I'm not as a...
A debt. Much of it. I am a lawyer. I do hold a law license, but I'm not as, uh, as, uh...
A debtor.
I'm not as much of a courtroom lawyer as, uh, a chunk, of course.
Mr. Cohen.
Mr. Cohen.
Mr. Cohen, that's quite a chunk.
Do you ever call him a chunk?
He makes us call him a chunk.
We call him Mr. Chunk.
That's right.
He would do a thing where he would say, please, please, just a little more professionalism.
Just, you're a lawyer and he would go right into a chunk
and he'd be going for the taffy, buckets full of taffy,
and chomping it up, doing the shuffle,
doing the whole thing.
Doing the triple shuffle, everything, wow.
Come on, go over these briefs, would ya, for once.
So what was the result of it, if I may ask,
is the court case over?
Well, I remember that court case very well.
I remember it as if it were yesterday.
We...
We...
We...
All right, I object.
You can't object, no, you can't object.
We...
We...
We...
We...
It was crazy. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. That's it was crazy.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What?
That's all you remember from it?
Well, Bisbee kept objecting and he was not permitted to do it.
It's what made the case take so long.
That's right.
I remember the judge came in, sat down.
Oh, I remember.
I remember the judge.
Well, this is open and shut.
I remember that.
All right, all right, everybody take your seats.
I got it.
I got it, Jack.
Back down.
Yeah, and two years later.
Wow.
This is like, this is like inherit the wind.
This is like, this is like, inherit the wind. This is like, this is like an episode of The Good Wife.
Do you know Chunk?
Don't know either of those references.
He's a Yellowstone guy.
He's a Yellowstone guy.
Contribute.
I'm a Percy Jackson.
I'm a Percy Jackson.
How did this get made?
Mark Wahlberg movies.
Film buff.
Anything outside of that for entertainment
other than the October Walking Dead festival.
And Yellowstone talked about it on the last episode.
I love Yellowstone.
Oh, you need some stories. Those Dutton's.
So, open and shut in whose favor?
What?
It spreads out even to Charles S. for me.
The rock?
Not the rock. Sorry. Just rock.
Just rock.
ROC. We're watch Rock. No, just Rock. ROC.
ROC.
Watch Rudy, the third Alien film, all the great.
All into the third power.
I'm lost on that movie.
Alien Cupid.
Um, so, so, it was open and shut in whose favor?
What actually, how did he rule at the end of the two years?
They won.
They won.
The Baxers won.
Handily.
Truly was open and shut.
So as good as you were objecting so much.
Yeah, well I had to eventually though he just said there.
It turned out.
I'm ruling in favor of the Baxter formerly known as the Baxter.
That's what the judge said?
Well, do you guys remember?
I remember.
I remember.
I rule in favor of the Baxter.
I have, Jack. You backstab. I have Jack.
You sound so defeated.
Yeah.
You knew it was over.
I knew.
I could only.
I mean, we were start.
They'd bring in Jersey Mike's.
Oh, that's good.
So wait, you got free Jersey Mike's every day?
No, it wasn't free.
No, you don't pay for it.
Yep.
The judge made us Venmo him.
But yeah.
After the fact, which we were like, oh no!
Oh so when he made his ruling, we can't afford this.
So we'd already eaten it.
We've been through two taffy seasons and we ain't paid taxes on none of it
because we've been here in court.
And we thought the business was over and done for
and that's when the most incredible thing happened.
What happened? What? should we just listen to it
Please no more objections. I won't even I find in favor of the Baxter Decker triplets ma'ams
ma'ams ma'ams we check their pulse
Oh
Wait are you a pre-cocked judge?
How did you know that that...
Oh, wait, I'm not here.
Never mind.
Wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I gotta say, we was so bad.
Wait, why were you there, Scott?
What were you doing there?
We were so glad you showed up to support us.
Oh, hell!
That was the best thing that happened to us.
Scott!
We don't have money.
I came one day and I wanted to be incognito.
We don't have money, we didn't win the case. Chungunggwon doctor was so much as John sealed shut with taffy
But at least we have a friend Scott let our collage
You go because you knew there'd be Jersey Mike's and you love you love it. You love it
I love any jm Barry Jersey Mike's man. Zuka's one of your favorite top three Mike's
Tyson's tattoo is number one.
Sure, of course.
Well, that was why I, that was the moment when I tried my only objection of the entire
trial. You may have heard it right at the tail end of that flashback.
I didn't get it.
No, you could hear me objecting right there.
I did. I heard it before the flash forward.
Well, what happened then?
I think you should remember more than any of us guys.
You were there for God's sake.
You were there for God's sake.
Sorry, I'm not here.
I just, I wanted to be incognito.
Don't let the fact that I'm a famous podcaster
interrupt this trial anyway.
Object!
Your honor, I object.
Yes, all right.
Sustained.
Really? You're sustained at one?
We've been objective for two years, you're finally gonna sustain.
I like the cut of your jib.
What? Likewise.
I just need to know under what bases you object.
I just wanted to hear a little more from Scott. We didn't know he was coming.
Oh my goodness. Maybe he's got some evidence.
Oh my goodness. Is this Scott? Hi, Scott. Oh hi. This is Scott Arcomen.
Hi, Quida.
Yeah, from podcast.
From Mr. Show.
Oh!
We love you.
This is the best day.
Quida, Candide, Tanya.
We win the case and our hero, Scott Arcely, comes to wish us well.
Scott Arcely.
Scott Arcely and Chunk in one room.
Yes, I know, it's crazy.
Just, but anyway, I don't mean to disrupt the trial, Judge.
No, it's over, I have to go home.
Well, you haven't been home this whole time?
I object.
Oh, I'm sitting back down.
Little, little, little, little, little, little, little.
Hmm, yeah, I do remember that.
Yeah, that was so interesting. Scott, when we've come oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh love me. Yeah, the Baxter. Yeah, the Baxter.
We were unsure of your allegiance there for a moment, Scott.
I look, I'll take kisses anytime,
but you know that I'm with you guys.
But a turn of events was occurring,
because at first, we thought he was our friend.
There's some hope.
Oh no, he's turned on us to be some sort of lover boy
for those harlots.
That's right. turned on us to be some sort of lover boy for those harlots.
That's right.
Those flimsy whimsie open their skirtsy bimsies.
Keep on flirting with the scotly botless bitch.
I feel like Bevere, Bevere.
You're getting too hot under the collar.
I feel like this seems to belie a real emotional attachment
to these triplets.
Yeah.
I'll take Umbridge to your insinuations.
Sorry.
So at a certain point it looked like the judge thought
they were about to die or were dead.
And then they were okay, but then they did die.
So are they dead?
What actually, oh, I was there, that's right.
I'm remembering Oh, she is it? Is it falling for the dead?
No, my sisters, my sisters.
I've got a Jersey Mike's delivery here.
Oh yeah, that's for me.
Well he said Jason Mounzookas is it too?
Oh my, is it Sunday?
Wait a minute, it is Sunday.
What's going on?
Oh my god.
He's here.
He's here.
He's here in the courtroom.
And he's got a platter.
I got a bunch of sandwiches.
Tumbo's worth of Chess and Mikes.
We can heat them up in the incinerator.
They got a little cold.
I doodle doodle doodle doodle doodle doodle doodle. We can heat them up in the incinerator. They got a little cold. I did a little.
I did a little.
Ooh, that would do it.
We came back slow.
Yeah.
We came back slow.
Now, how come you've been faking you weren't there the whole time?
You know what?
It's only in that last minute that I thought someone else
was delivering those sandwiches and it turned out it was me.
It was you, that's right.
You know.
What a crazy day that was.
Wow, what a crazy day.
It was during, because I remember, because it was a couple of years ago, it was before
work had come back and it was pandemic and so I had taken like a gig job.
Right.
Delivering Jersey mics to Tampa, Florida.
You gotta do what you gotta do.
There is.
Yeah.
And so you delivered them for two years.
So were you delivering them for every day for the past two years?
No, because I was doing it from LA to Florida. That trip would take that would take two years
So I only did I only did a couple of orders. Yeah, this was this all these flashbacks were to just Friday this last Friday
That's right
That is great. So it feels like so much longer
I don't even know that we need to flash back for it.
Like we could just remember it.
It was just a couple of days ago.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway, I'll see you guys on Monday for the show.
Oh, wait a minute.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Bring some leftover Jersey Bucks.
All right, man, get it, Mike's way.
Yeah.
All right, we'll see you there.
First there.
The do-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- see you there. That's right.
Oh, okay, yeah. That's why you guys are all on the show together.
I forgot about that.
That's right.
And they're dead.
They're dead.
Okay, well good for you.
Do you own their farm?
Nope, we're waiting to find out.
Yeah, who is it in Probe?
Who they left it for.
Oh my gosh.
So the, it, it, it.
Oh, I hope there's a reading of the will.
Oh, there's a reading of the will.
Oh, I, someone's at the door the will oh there's a reading of the will oh
Someone's at the door. Oh don't answer. No, no, let him wait. Let him wait. Let me get the door here Wait, you play in your play. Oh
Oh, oh my god, it's it's chunk Jeff cold Jeff Jeff. He's doing the trouble
Jeff! Cold!
Jeff!
Jeff!
He's doing the truffle shuffle!
Oh!
Here he goes!
And he just dropped off a piece of paper and...
Where he got chun?
Come on back!
And he carries that statue with the upside down penis.
Everywhere he goes.
Everywhere he goes.
Everywhere he goes.
Okay, well, let me take a look at this.
Take it out of the envelope.
Let's see the last will and testament of the Baxter FKA Decker driblets.
Boo!
Oh, bad to my nose!
We don't know yet.
Oh, wait.
Boo, it might be good.
It might be good.
Well, guys, we have to take a break, but do you want to read this on air?
Read it right now. No, we have to take a break.
You just said!
Read it right now!
We have to double! We are going to read it right now!
We are going to take a break!
I don't want to hear it.
I don't want to hear it.
Every year in a night.
We have to take a break, so I guess you know we're not going to care about it.
All right, we're going to take a break.
When we come back, we'll have more Jason Manzookas,
more Calvin's triplets.
We'll be right back with more Calvin Bang Bang after that.
No, you can't! We'll be right back. The new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new This podcast. If you get a podcast anywhere, you can get the one I'm on. Yeah, exactly. As well as this one.
Yeah, you can get either.
I would prefer you get this one.
I would prefer you get both.
Okay, I prefer you get this one.
I think they have wonderful compliments to each other.
Okay, yeah, I mean, don't listen to them simultaneously.
Do?
Why not?
It saves time, right?
Yes.
Simultaneously.
It could be like a Wizard of Oz pink floor in God's face.
Yes, think it up.
Think it up. Every episode syncs together. Yes, think it up. Think it up.
Every episode syncs together.
Yes, no, yeah, we've done that
because you guys have been around 14 years.
A year into my show, I said,
let's just like sync up these shows together.
So we record them simultaneously
in rooms next to each other.
Yes, I'm jumping back and forth right now.
We're doing a very-
What movie are you doing?
We're doing Beekeeper.
Beekeeper?
Yes.
Oh my gosh.
That's right up our alley.
It's fantastic.
Yeah, because of the taffy.
We're beekeepers.
That's how we get bee.
We keep it.
We're Statham fans, too.
Huge. That's Monday notice.
That's Monday's, really.
Monday's. Statham.
Statham Monday.
We have the triplets here, the Calvin's triplets here,
of course, Bevor Chico and Bisbee.
And Bisbee, by the way, you seem to have, the last time I saw you,
you sounded different and you had had your larynx had been replaced by a horse
larynx.
Horse larynx.
And now you sound sort of like how you used to sound.
What happened?
Well, the horse larynx, they'll adjust your body and they certainly have.
And now, as you can see physically it no long
It does not look as much you don't have the long horse neck anymore. It seems to have shrunk down
I had to give it a couple probably about 12 months. So yeah, so that was in the middle of that two-year trial
That's right. That's what I was when I was objecting
Sometimes I it wasn't even me. It was part of the horse spirit who was objecting.
I couldn't even control myself.
That makes sense now.
That just makes, you know what?
That ties it up.
At the end of the day, that makes sense.
It all adds up.
And of course we have the last will and testament
of the Baxter FKA, Decker Triplets here,
which we're not, we're not gonna open apparently.
But this is, you know, it's good news.
Hold on.
I think it changed my mind.
Oh, well that's a man's prerogative.
What curiosity got the better of me, brothers?
It killed a cat, but he wary of that.
That's fine, I exist surrounded by horse death.
You think I care about the death
of some small little kid of care?
I think maybe.
What if it was Garfield?
Oh, then it's probably, well, we're watching Jason State.
Yeah, that's the state.
Because it sounds like a case of the Mondays.
Yeah.
Transporter 2.
Sure, yeah.
My brothers, I feel like maybe we should hear this will.
And to be fair to the podcast audience
and all participants, we'll hand it around the table.
Paragraph by paragraph.
Has done traditionally.
It's the only way to read a will.
I'll start of course, because I have it in my possession right now.
My possession is 9-10, so the law, as we know.
Paragraphs three to four sentences.
Three to four. Three to four, six, three to four.
Can we record this so we can put it on?
It is a podcast.
So I believe it is.
I mean, video wise, we should record this
so we can put it on our pay.
Our only thing.
You have an only fan?
Wait a minute.
That's a good idea.
I think we should.
You guys have an only fans page?
Very.
Successful.
What do you post on there?
A lot of videos.
A lot of reading of legal documents.
Oh, okay.
Got it.
That kind of stuff.
Is it popular?
It's amongst a very tiny set of people, so it depends on the meaning of the word popular.
It's host, but...
Not a lot of people, but they give us a lot of coins.
Yeah, you only have one listener and they pay a trillion dollars a month.
Doesn't matter.
Yeah.
Did we tell you about this already?
No, that's how much they're paying.
That's right, that's what we've got.
That's the only reason we're still going.
Exactly.
I wonder, you know, because you guys said
you almost lost the business.
You have that side hustle where you make
the big giant novelty checks for the publishers'
clearinghouse and you made that deal with them.
We remember.
You made that deal with them where you get 10%
of any amount ever written
on these giant checks.
So you guys are multi-time millionaires.
That must be hugely lucrative.
Well, we're trillionaires.
Those checks are popular.
Because of anonymous donator.
So are you guys the ones who have signed up
for your own Onlyfans?
Because there's not a lot of trillionaires.
We take turns, and we each go in other rooms
and watch each other.
You didn't have to tell him. Come on.
I didn't think it was bad.
Nothing wrong with self-love.
We're basically rotating.
If you can't love yourself,
how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?
Can't get an A-man.
A-man? A-man!
Now let the music play. They're the hot chili peppers in the tiger heavily.
Okay, I don't know if I can get it back,
but all right, let's read this will.
Here we are.
This is the last will in Testament
of the Baxter FKA Decker triplets.
If you are reading this, you are the executor of our will.
Whoa!
Oh, that was incredible.
Whoa!
Wow.
I had no idea.
That's breaking news.
Well, hold on, the sentence is not done.
Oh.
Even if it's passed around a table.
Okay, that was gonna be my question.
Wow.
Because you are almost on the horn
to read the whole thing by yourself, Scott.
No, no, no.
Page yourself in that corner.
Of course, I wouldn't do that.
I've been doing this for 15 years.
I know how to get myself out of these.
Uh, I, uh, I really, this is just one of them.
You don't put that on the heels.
With the most confidence, I've seen how to get out of these things.
In his defense, it is written in awful cursive.
Well, it's also in the new final draft as well.
It's still buggy.
15 years of experience.
That's why I use John August and Craig Mazens.
I'm still on my 9,000th hour.
I just gotta get my 9000th hour. I just gotta get 1000 more.
I want to say, and by the way, this is the will again.
It says by the way.
I want to say that you're a very good speaker
cause you look down at it and then you look up at us
and you gather the words and you look back at it and make eye contact.
I can't do that.
That's how they teach you in cold reading class.
I really, I want to say by the way this is Queda talking.
Oh I bet this was dictated.
Yeah, well it says that down at the bottom dictated not read.
Come on, these are athletes.
Come on.
Enough of this.
Enough of some respect.
Turn it mouth talk.
Now stop with this guy.
I really, I want to say, and this is Quita by the way,
that the times I spent with you in the courtroom for the past two years,
Bevert, Chico and Bisbee, were the best times of my life.
Oh, wow.
Okay, now I'm passing it over to Bisbee here.
I'll take it over from here, page two.
That was one page, by the way.
The font is enormous.
It's huge.
Thank God, at our age?
This doesn't look like a legal document.
Makes it even more unreasonable
that we would stumble over these words.
Do you remember that time in court
where the judge asked us all to take a moment and reflect
upon what has happened between our two families?
Well, I did take some time and I looked over at you, Bisbee.
Whoa.
God, you're amazing. If I could leave it to just you, I would, but I can't.
So I have to, new page.
So we're doing it by page, okay?
I figured.
Ooh, so the last one on the other page was two
and then this was the second O of two.
It was like a long two.
Oh, okay.
So that's you.
I was gonna take issue, but I have to leave it two. It was like a long two. It was two. Oh, okay. So that's you.
It was a matter of thing I was gonna take issue,
but I have to leave it two, and it's like,
but would you, so it's a hyphenated two.
Two, wait, no.
It's an also.
It's an also.
It's not, I have to leave it as well.
Directly at two.
Yes.
I see.
I have to leave it two.
Two.
As well.
As well, I would like to,
regular, one O two. well. As well, I would like to regular... 102. You're a lawyer, so you're used to parsing language like this, so that's why we're interrupting so much. It's very complicated and dense, but
I'll continue. I... two, but I want to, but I'm not sure if I can. Because, and by the way, this is Candida talking now. It's
switched to another.
In the middle of a, this is like switching tenses in between.
That's right. I remember that day in the courtroom, when I looked over at the judge,
plaintively, and I considered,
what would happen if I stood up right now and said,
Your Honor, I would like to drop the case.
What?
What?
Candida was considering dropping the case.
Wow, I wonder how Cueda felt about this.
We didn't even find out what Cueda was talking about.
I know.
The other thing.
Strange, but I mean, this is the way they're writing it.
Do you want to pass it off now to-
No, there's a little bit more.
A little bit more.
This is like an exquisite course.
I mean, all three of them.
And if you don't remember the moment I'm talking about,
perhaps you could go back in your minds,
doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle.
It's written, doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle. Oh, no,odle, Doodle, Doodle, Doodle, Doodle, Doodle.
You're becoming hazy.
I'm losing my mind.
He's disappearing.
We're still here.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
How do we get Cheekleback?
What the fuck?
Read the will.
Read the will.
OK.
It's a stuck somewhere.
And if you do go back.
It's all hazy in it. Chance is off. If you don't finish reading this will, And if you do go back
If you don't finish reading this will you will be stuck in another region oh no
Neither being nether regions I can hear the dick jokes from in this dimension!
He's stuck in undefined time. In the past, here too far in this legal document referenced as the behind times,
or the present time here too far moving forward in this document,
now, if here on to these Baxter Decker sisters here too fore known as the party of sisters,
will bequeath all findings and keepers,
heaven forbid, some catastrophes effect
should happen to them and they no longer being
of sound mind or body able to execute their estate.
Henceforth unto them will bequeath all said good earthly
deeds unto the Calvin's triplets,
here too for
known as party of brothers said sisters will then transfer all power legally
henceforth in perpetuity and all known universes to brothers if only they are
able to retrieve Chico from previous behind times reference
nether regions page four.
Wow so much on that page. Wow I wish Chico wasn't stuck in between these two worlds because that previous behind times reference, near the regions, page four. Oh my God.
So much on that page.
Wow.
I wish Chico wasn't stuck in between these two worlds
because that was so hard to understand.
And what it does sound like.
He knows legalese.
It does sound like that unless we can find a way
to bring Chico back.
We gotta get him back.
That the transfer, that the validity of this will
will forever be in doubt.
Right, yes.
And he'll be forever, unless we can get him back,
he'll be trapped.
And you guys won't get the Baxter family farm.
There's page five explaining how to get my bro back.
I'm going after him.
Wait, what?
Can you do this?
Can you do this?
Oh, boy!
Oh, boy!
He disappeared.
What?
Oh, my God. There's pay, that's you? Oh! Oh! He disappeared. What?
Oh my God.
Fats me!
Fats me, that you?
They're fading in and out.
It's so hazy in here.
It's so hazy.
Are you ending?
Are you ending?
What, is that you?
Yeah, it's me.
How are you doing?
It's a little chilly in here.
Don't you look right here.
Come back and get a jacket for him
do you want my jacket can I take that yeah thank you very much sorry okay he's cold How'd you do that? I just... oh shit! I just did it! I've been trying the whole time I can't do it! Who's a tagging?
It's chilly!
It's a CATEDONIA!
It's so nice! Is this yours?
No! Some guy gave it to me!
Some guy?
You don't remember?
You bet on this show several times!
He's a guy! He talks to us!
Scott?
Oh yeah!
Oh! Okay!
That makes sense! The not Jason Mandukas guy! He talks to us. Scott? Oh, yeah. Oh, okay.
That makes sense.
The not Jason Mandukas guy.
Scott.
I don't know.
That's amazing.
I guess that is what people think about me.
Scott, we don't have time to talk about this.
We've got to get back.
I've been trying, but wait.
Are you shitting?
There's a toilet over here!
Oh, look, I got a Dallas Host in hand!
There's a ghost toilet?
I'm not an idiot, I'm in line!
Okay!
You know what, I want to see how this plays out.
Oh no, you gotta read page five.
I'm so sorry.
I want to read page five, it's right here in my hand,
but I'm so curious to hear what they're up to,
especially now that-
I mean, it sounds like they're just waiting-
Especially now that I know there's a toilet.
They're just waiting in line to take turns shitting.
Let me know when you're done.
All right, done.
All right, done.
There's toilet paper in the cabinet.
Man, this thing is stressing me out.
I'll tell you what.
What would make me feel better
is a Jason Manzukas, Jason Statham,
join up picture called Ghost Toilet.
Oh, wow. That would be that would make me feel better.
Nothing would make me happier quite honestly than to be starring alongside Jason Statham.
In a movie called Ghost Toilet.
In a movie called Ghost Toilet.
And if anyone is listening who can make that happen, please.
And then the day it comes out, you do a how did this get made about it?
Immediately.
Well, I was off. Well, I was off.
It was the fifth appearance of the Calvin's Triplets on Comedy Bang Bang.
They were trapped in between the president and the past.
There were other regions where they found, obviously, a ghost toilet, the MacGuffin of
Centfield.
All right, Reef page five.
We've got to figure out how we get Chico hands back and I guess Bisbee all the way.
Why would they keep the toilet paper in the cabinet?
They don't have a room on the side?
There's a thing, no, I used the last of the roll.
I'm saying there's extra.
It makes sense.
Page five.
Hey y'all, Tanya here.
I guess Tanya's weighing in in this part of it.
Okay, this is good.
Yeah, we haven't heard from Tanya.
Being of sound mind and body and that body be banging.
Oh, well, I mean, I saw her and we both saw her.
I was too.
It's so hot.
On Friday, yeah.
I do hereby swear that any and all lands, property, livestock, buildings, any other effects therein, contained therein,
belong to anyone who resides in the liminal space between time.
Okay, so wait, so this means the Chico and I guess now Bisbee, they own the lands, but
Bevor, you don't?
Oh, damn.
There's a real case of the stathams.
There seems to be confusion amongst the sisters.
But if they come back, then that means
you won't own the land?
Maybe they should just, hey guys,
maybe you should continue to be in between worlds.
Which cabinet is it? On the lower right. Lower right. I
know that you're right. I don't think they can hear us, but we can hear them. Oh, that
makes more sense. Yeah. If you're sitting on the commode on your right, lower right.
Well how would we even get them the instructions of how to- I don't know, I see there's about
22 more pages to this list. Did you see there's a comedy bang bang book is here in the bathroom too?
I might have to use that. Please. Alright look let me flip through this a
little bit. Page six seven eight blah blah blah. Let me get to the end here to
see if there's any instructions to... Oh, yeah. How many people do you think genuinely have used the comedy bang bang book in an emergency
situation?
For toilet paper?
For toilet paper.
Every single person was in the toilet.
Because it was in their bag or in the car.
You have to.
Or wherever that horrible nightmare event took place.
Yeah, exactly.
All right, let me see.
Down here, okay, end of page 22, therefore the only way that you can keep this land and all of the property within
is if the third triplet goes into the nether regions, they all hold hands together and
recite the sacred poem that they know by heart, and they shall be transported with all the rights herein back to the present
day and own the land. Wow.
Wow. Ever.
Is there any kind of like expiration date? Is this something I gotta take care of today?
You could probably do it in your next appearance.
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.
No, a little footnote down here. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.
No, a little footnote down here.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
By the way, if we die, this has to be done within three calendar days.
Oh, no, they died on Friday.
This is Monday.
And we're sure they're dead, right?
And is that sundown on the third day?
Are we talking hours?
Cause we could be in trouble already.
It clarifies it has within 72 hours.
And what are we at now?
Because this was at the end of the court day on Friday.
It's not business days versus weekend.
It's calendar day.
It's calendar day.
Yeah, yeah.
So this was at the end of the court session on Friday.
This is around 3.30 or so.
And it's about 3.25 right now on Friday. This is around 3.30 or so. And it's about 3.25 right now on Monday.
Oh no! My basic math skills are cooking it again. You tell me I got about five minutes
to get my brother's bag. I'm like, I got you right. I better go!
Wait, what was it? Was it D-D-L-E-D-I-F-O-L-E? I don't remember!
I remember! Oh, PauX! This is not the time to forget how to dissolve into the past.
Oh, Pauks, this is not the time to forget how to dissolve into the past. Oh, no.
I believe in you.
Wait a minute.
I think I know what to do.
I just saw Dune 2 the other day.
Oh, wow, I wasn't.
I enjoyed it very much.
Okay.
And I think I'm going to have to take one of our giant Avamectum worms.
Oh, the Grapples also have the power to travel between X-never regions.
Of course they do.
Of course, they're force-powered.
And if I ride the super-uba-avamec-tum worm, I can retrieve my brothers and we can read
this poem.
Do it, Beaver.
Hurry!
I'll be right back.
He's parked outside.
He's parked outside.
Are you going to stand up and open the door?
Yeah, I think so.
To be clear, I was saying the comedy bang bang book for breeding material, not toilet paper.
It's too late! I'm on page 16!
Come on!
Oh my god. It's a giant dune worm.
Wow, wow.
I'm a coming brother! He's disappearing! Oh my god, he went straight into the earth. Wow
He's disappearing oh my god, he went straight into the earth he's fading into the
What's a gun your hands business what oh it's toilet paper. I mean it's a comedy
He's wiping his ass with it. What segment?
Wait, it's some it's the it's yeah, I can't he doesn't remember. He doesn't remember what he wrote for the book guarantee He's never looked at the book
wrote for the book. I guarantee you never looked inside the book.
It's a dumb, dumb growth.
Is that a Ryan Gaul character?
Yeah, it's a horrible.
Yeah, it's barely even a character.
I love that guy.
He's funny.
He's funny.
He's funny.
He's funny.
He's funny.
I know they can't hear us, but they got to get him
on the funny farm.
Brother, brothers, brothers.
Yeah.
I know how to get us back. i know how all of the backs to
half an a dexter sisters or if they belong they can belong to us they could float closer to the
mic here's what i would say i would listen to a calvin calvin's triplets podcast where they're
always off mic just float a little bit closer cbb CBB world off my Calvin's triples.
All right, well, they only have three minutes.
Here, take my hand! Take my hand!
Take my hand!
Yeah, take my hand!
Now we have to recite that poem that we all know by heart.
That one!
About you know what, taking place you know when,
and if we do it word we're perfect with no flubs.
We will be transferred back into the now
and be the owners of all the Baxter Decker triplets property.
Oh, this sounds the easiest pie.
What?
Taffy pie.
What kind of pie?
Taffy pie.
Taffy pie.
Easy as taffy pie. This is What kind of pie? Taffy pie. Taffy pie. Taffy pie. Easiest taffy pie.
Making my stomach rumble.
All right.
You know, I hope they're all holding hands, for real.
I hope they are.
One.
Two.
Two.
Three.
We the Calvin's brothers.
We brothers.
Love each other like no others. We skip and play and rattle the day and every day we do it like that.
So, times we go but sometimes we do
maybe if you visit
we'll do it with you
With you! Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What happened to my book? Oh, there's shit all over it. Sorry, it's only the worst segment.
Got welcome back guys.
Chico, oh my god, I thought I'd never see you again.
And your coat, thanks so much.
It was chilly in there.
I was really worried about that.
Are you fine now?
Is the temperature here?
No, it's perfect in here.
Okay, great.
Guys, congratulations, you made it in here. Okay, great. Yeah. Guys, congratulations.
You made it back from the nether regions.
I feel, I feel really good about what just happened.
I actually had to use the restroom that worked out.
That worked out very nicely for me.
We heard.
Yeah.
We were, we could hear everything.
We were able to hear everything.
No, really?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Bevert didn't communicate that to you.
Everything.
Oh, oh, you know what? Respect. The most respect. All do. All do. All do.
Respect. Yeah. All do. All do. All do. Respect. So guys, you now own the horse anus-sized ring
of surrounding property around the horse fighting ranch. You're now probably you could be open for business
and you can get all the tourism back.
Buy up all that land,
probably shut down our only fans account.
Well.
Well, wait, we don't have to do that.
We don't have to do that.
That's foolish.
Congratulations.
I mean, how does it feel?
This is incredible.
You're on top.
Years worth of struggle.
Now, you know, you're kids. It only took three French women dying. You're on top. Years worth of struggle. Now, you know, you know.
It only took three French women dying.
It's behind you.
Can I be honest with you?
Sure.
I think I'm going to miss them a little bit.
Really?
Well, wait a minute.
But there's someone coming up, peeking over the hedge.
They're coming up to the door.
The company bang bang hedge?
That's right.
There's three peaking.
There are three. I could have that for the show. The company bang, bang, hedge. That's right. There's three hooded.
I grew that for the show.
Why would they be peeking over it?
Normally, just Wilson is over there, but who is it?
I think it probably, is that Wilson?
My volleyball.
It's three hooded figures.
They come and walk into the door.
Scott, they be.
Three hooded figures, a la the traitors in the traitors?
Is it Phaedra?
Oh no, no.
Who is it?
Are they ever gonna take their hoods off?
You're the one trying to door Scott, I thought, okay.
They're just standing there with their, oh let him in, yeah.
Oh, oh wait.
So now there's three hooded figures in the room.
In the room, yeah.
And Alan coming. Wait, wait. So now there's three hooded figures in the room. In the room. Yeah. And Alan coming.
Oh, wait. It is Traders?
Hello, my darlings.
Alan!
You see gathered here before you.
I'm a huge fan.
Oh, thank you kindly.
I love the good wife.
Do you care for my brooch?
I love the way you dress.
I love your style.
I love everything about you.
Darling, yo, I'm thrilled.
Is this the Traders? To death. I'm thrilled. Is this the train? Oh
Is this the traitors what's happening right now? Who are these hooded figures remains to be seen? Oh wow
Hello, it's me Tonya Tonya Tonya B? FKA Decker? You're alive? It was all a joke.
Hello!
Wow, we got you!
Bonjour!
Hello, you stupid, you stupid triplet brazers!
Whoa!
We wanted to see your face after you had...
Oh, god damn, son of a bitch.
Wow, that's just a dirty trick.
We had to take this opportunity to say to your face...
We had to. Leave a message! to your face, we had to.
Leave a message.
This was an answering machine message.
Where did they go?
Where did they just go?
It appears, my faithful, you've received a message.
They took off the hoods and they turned into just
answering machines.
Where did Alan come from?
I was coming just gone.
He just not crawled.
He just not crawled.
He bamfed away.
He bamfed away!
He bammed!
It smells like brimstone in here!
He's totally bammed, man!
It smells very similar to that Jersey Mike afterstitch that has been left in the Nether region.
I'm sorry about that.
All that's left is a brooch.
I didn't know if you were in a superhero movie, you got to keep the powers.
After you were done.
Oh my god.
Well guys, this is bad news.
The triplets, the Baxter triplets are still alive.
On the precipice of a victory, it was snatched.
It was a lot of work.
Come on there, athletes.
Sorry.
Just because they're females does mean they're athletes.
They were snatched.
Okay.
Wow, did it again.
I'm sorry guys, this is bad news for you, but I mean.
Is this the craziest thing to happen to you today?
Oh, this is like number nine.
Man, I was gonna say 10 maybe, yeah.
Yeah, we've had a day.
Yeah, we don't wanna hear about the other thing.
Five of minutes, we'll have 10.
No, no, no, no, no.
But this is just life with the Calvin's trip.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And life with the Calvin's
CT
Cousin Tom in good cousin all about this when we go to brunch after this you guys are going to brunch
And our Kelly our Kelly's birthday. Oh wait, they let him out for his birthday? Oh wow.
Furlough.
Well you know when you're in his birthday furlough.
I know it's a disappointing situation.
You guys have such a positive outlook
when you're in a situation like this,
there's only one thing to say, right?
You gotta laugh.
Alright, wonderful.
People keep on laughing.
They're not chili peppers are here.
While the backstacks, keep on pranking.
Oh my God. Thanks, Anthony.
The worm was left in another region.
Oh, shit.
God, the strip is old.
I'm so sorry about your worm.
I can't believe they did an original song
for the episode.
We asked them to.
We asked them to.
Incredible.
Well guys, we are running out of time here.
Unfortunately, there's only one time.
Unless. Doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo- Plugs. Plugs. Plugs.
Plugs.
Plugs.
Plugs.
Plugs.
Plugs.
Plugs.
Plugs.
Plugs.
Plugs.
Plugs. Oh, very nice. That was Bluey Healer's Plug Back by Canada Bang Bang. Thank you so much.
If you have a plugs theme, head on over to CBBworld.com.
Slash plugs and you can be heard on this show.
Is there a Canadian version of this show?
There should be.
I wonder who would be it?
Who would like host it and everything?
Like who's-
Probably you.
Yeah, maybe Celine Dion.
Oh yeah, you and Celine Dion.
She seems to have shaken that whatever she had.
The stiff body syndrome or whatever. She seems to have shaken that whatever she had the stiff stiff body
Syndrome she shook it off like Taylor Swift. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you saw her on the Grammys
Yes, Bevor you want to say something
That's for next
Oh, that's for next. That's for only fans.
Should get that back in.
I'll tell you if you want.
Do you want to play?
Yeah, sure.
First you said, I think Celine shook off that
and I was going to say old husband.
Oh, right, yeah.
And then, you know, yeah, no, what was ever Aalina.
She did the Taylor Swift shook it off like Taylor Swift.
I was like, mash up.
But I was like, nah, it's all right.
Time for books.
How do people get your only fans, by the way?
Practice, practice, practice.
Hey, you got to practice. Yeah, it works. How do people get your your only fans by practice practice practice?
No only fans dark on backslash Calvin's triplets
Horse fighting be honey at taffy farms. Okay. We now I've all one word no space. Yeah, no space Yeah, we got to make sure we have this
What do we want to plug Jason? Yeah, what if somebody got to it before us?
Could you imagine?
Yeah.
That'd be the most embarrassing thing
that happened to us today.
I'm starting to be number one.
I'm certain there's a bunch of dummies
who've gotten a bunch of these websites
based on nonsense that we've said here.
What do you wanna plug, Jason?
I will plug.
The update's coming up, right?
Oh yeah, if you are in the UK,
if you're in London, Belfast, Glasgow,
and someplace else that I'm forgetting right now, Dublin, then we are coming to your city,
get tickets for How Did This Get Made. Also, the Netflix is a joke festival we're playing
here in Los Angeles.
That's right.
And you know what? We talked about Percy Jackson before, but I'm going to shout out Star Trek
Prodigy on Netflix.
Jumped over to Netflix. This is the only time that a show has ever jumped in between streaming services.
A lot like what Chico was doing in between the past and the present.
Yes. Yes. We were previously in the nether regions of Paramount Plus.
And now we find ourselves on the rock solid earth of Netflix.
But you have Paramount Plus.
You can see your movie there with Mark Wahlberg.
Oh, yes. The movie Infinite, where I play the artisan, the artisan,
a character whose only name is the artisan.
That's right. And of course, Mr.
Deedles on Percy Jackson, Mr.
Deedles and the Deedles.
Oh, you play all the Deedles.
I play all the Deedles like Eddie Murphy.
Oh, like the clown situation.
That's so good. I play all the Deedles. Yeah. All right Murphy. Oh, like the clown situation. That's so good.
I play all the D. D. D.
Yeah.
All right, Calvin.
Kid D. D. Mama D. D.
All of the D. D.
Do that famous line as Mama D. D.
You better get your D. D. over here.
Yeah, I love that you don't change your voice.
That's my favorite thing.
Well, that's the thing is I don't change my voice.
You don't do voices.
Nope, I don't do voices.
Yes.
And they all, there's no makeup or anything.
You look exactly like yourself. All the D. D. D. have the beard. Yeah. All the D do voices. I don't do voices famously. And there's no makeup or anything you look exactly like yourself.
All the details have the beard.
All the details have the beard.
I like it because it's not deceptive.
Anytime I see Eddie Murphy or Robert
or anybody doing multiple roles, I'm like,
that's all the same person.
This is confusing.
If you're going to be the same person, be that person.
Consistency.
Consistency.
Calvin Striplet's, what do you want to plug?
Do you have anything out there going on?
The Traders.
The Traders, of course.
Yeah, with...
We've been watching that.
We did want to plug our...
We're still gonna need it now, evidently,
because the Baxter Triplets still got the new surround on next,
so to speak, with all their land.
We have started a hot air balloon taxi service.
It's the way we got here today, Sky.
It's the only way we can get off the ranch.
Oh, okay, this is the last one.
They own all the land around us.
Coach of the sky.
That's right.
Sounds fast.
So you'll taxi anyone from anywhere?
Is there an app?
Not anywhere.
Pretty much anywhere, though.
To, from the ranch, to anywhere, and back to the ranch.
So people have just started the ranch. You better be coming or you better be going. So people have to start at the ranch?
You gotta be coming or you better be going.
That's the tagline on the list.
Download the app.
Put it in.
What's the app called?
Is this some sort of balloon-based Uber kind of thing?
It's called Baloober.
Baloober.
Do people get confused?
They think it's like Balooga Caviar sometimes?
Yeah, they get confused about that a lot.
There's an app called Baby Baloo Yeah, they get confused about that a lot. There's an apple baby beluba,
which is a raffy app. Oh, okay.
Hey, don't forget to order our new tuffy that we're gonna have
going all year branch. So the branches a year round flavor.
Well, it is this year. And the honor of Senna Senna. And is it
is it it's just any branch flavor
or which tree flavor is it?
Because you said trees have different flavors.
It's kind of a mystery pack.
You never know what kind of branch you could get.
Nice.
And do you get, are there like cards in this?
Like, you know, Senna Senna Men's horse fighting card
in there, you get her rookie card and stuff.
Comes with a VHS tape of Senna Senna's.
Each order comes with a VHS tape of Sina Sinna's last moments.
Taring himself apart?
Yeah.
Rending the flesh from his body?
That's right.
Well, yeah, you should see it.
Well, order some.
You'll see it.
And give us a, get ordered online.
You can call us.
Call us at 310-980-4053. let us know if you want to order some some taffy heard that number before somewhere, but yeah
That's our number. That's yeah, that's right. So call call the Calvin strip. Let's have that number
That's right. Let us know what you need and you can make an appointment for any one of our fights
If you can make it there, then we'll show you the fight wonderful. All right. I want to plug
Look, we're, we're also,
Comedy Bang Bang will be at the Netflix.
It's a joke fest.
I think there's one handful of tickets available at this point.
Five?
Yeah, I believe there's five tickets.
Well, I mean, if you can hold 20 tickets, I think they're...
Oh, oh, it's however many, one hand can hold.
Yes, exactly.
Interesting.
But that is in, that's in May, right?
I believe so. Yeah, so May 9th
or something like that,
and we're gonna do a big show.
And we're getting very close
to being able to announce some other shows.
So make way for those in the summer.
And then head over to CBB World.
We have so many great shows over there.
Three of them just came back.
I wanna say, Paulette Tompkins and Lauren Lapkis and I,
we're back on Thursdays. You
can get that podcast wherever you get podcasts, but ad free at CBB World. And we also have great
CBB presents over there. We just put out the Time Keepers Leap Day Special, which I'm sure you've
heard, and Alamone, Tony's Valamone, Shony, so many great things. You guys, the Calvin Stripletch,
should do a CBB presents over there. Do your own show. Yes, from the void.
Yeah.
We should be doing that.
Off mic from the void.
We should be doing that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So many great things over there.
I'll give a shout out to Hey Randy,
which I think is absolutely hilarious.
Hey Randy's a great show.
And College Town.
Who me with the Batman, College Town,
the neighborhood listen, so many things over there.
And if you subscribe for a year, you get two of those months for free
All right, let's close up the old plug bag
Bag. Oh.
Oh, man.
Dirty bluts, bluts, bluts.
Oh, right, that was Dirty Pop Shoebop by Randy Smith.
Randy Smith, thank you so much.
Guys, I wanna thank you so much, Jason.
So great to see you.
Great to see you, Scott.
Great travels to you.
Thank you.
Many hamburgers to you, of course.
Oh, many hamburgers to you.
And happy wet day recently.
Happy, no, coming up.
Coming up, you won't be here for wet day, I believe.
I won't be here for wet day.
Many hamburgers to you guys as well, the Calvin Striplet.
It's always wonderful to see you.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I know you've been tied up in court for two years,
but don't make it two years before the next time we see you.
Much respect to you both.
Much respect.
Oh my God.
Oh God, no, no. Now he's licking all of our feet simultaneously.
He's licked through my shoes to the foot.
Oh my God.
Oh no, no, no.
His tongue is so coarse.
Yeah, it's like a horse's tongue.
It is a horse.
Of course, of course.
It is a horse's tongue.
You replace your horse's tongue?
Of course, of course.
It came with the horse Adam's app.
Oh, the horse of course.
His tongue is coarse coarse of course.
Of course.
His tongue is a horse of course.
Of course.
Unless he got a mad divorce because the divorce wouldn't do the course when he did the surgery.
Into the balloon!
Alright, see you next time.
Goodbye!
Bye, everyone! See you next time! Bye!