Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Jon Cryer, Paul F. Tompkins, Lamar Woods

Episode Date: March 25, 2024

Actor Jon Cryer joins Scott to talk about his new show Extended Family, appearing in the Mr. Show sketch “Monk Academy,” and his podcast Lawyers Guns and Money. Then, Al A. Peterson aka The Smooth Criminal returns to talk about his current job at Arby’s. Plus, tourist Carmine Backontour returns from New York to talk about being a virgin.

Don't knock until you tried it, unless it is the bathroom door. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Hmm. All right. Well, thank you to Snark Hunt 2000 for that catchphrase submission, Snark Hunt 2000, and welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Of course, the world's first dingless podcast. No dings on this when I get a text alert.

That is true. The first podcast ever. First podcast ever to receive no dings. And that is my promise to you for 2024. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. My name is Scott Aukerman. We have an incredible show today. Coming up a little later, we have an entrepreneur. Entrepreneurs are back. We decided to let them back in for 2024, and the floodgates have opened and they are back. We also have a tourist. We have a tourist.

This is a very exciting show. Oh, already crashing and burning. This is not my dings, okay? This is not the dings that I am receiving. This is one of our guests, one of the guests coming up on the show trying to Trying to detour me into a ding-full podcast that is not happening. There are no dings on this show that are emanating from me We we need to get to our first guest and this is exciting

this is his first time ever on the show and this is someone that Has I've been a huge fan of for decades at this point, he started out, his breakthrough performance was as ducky and pretty and pink, then he starred in movies such as Hiding Out, and then he segued into television where he- Took a sabbatical.

A sabbatical for movies. For movies, exactly. Is that sabbatical still continuing? Yes, interestingly, I felt as a professor of the arts of drama, I would go on sabbatical and learn the ways of television. That's the whole thing about sabbaticals is they shouldn't end. They should not.

No. I think America hopes that I stay on sabbatical. But he became an incredible, enormous television star starring on the television show Two and a Half Men for, I wanna say 12 seasons, is that? You'd be right with 12 seasons. That was just a guess you pulled out of your ass. Yes, exactly, yeah.

Nice! I mean, I just figured, I was thinking back, I was like, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. You went through all of them in your mind. You're like, wait, there was 263 episodes. First episode was the pilot, second episode was Big Flappy Bastards. So that was the one with Charlie.

Big Flappy Bastards. Where. Is season, episode two was called Big Flappy Bastards? It was about seagulls. As everybody knows, are known generally to those who are intimate with them as Big Flappy Bastards. He won two Emmys for a show that the second episode of which was entitled Big Flappy Bastards.

I don't know what was going on with the Television Academy, but... They were going in a different direction. And then he starred in such things as he played Lex Luthor in Supergirl. Yes. An incredible career. He now has a new show called Extended Family, the season finale of which is this Tuesday on NBC, is that correct? Yes, NBC and then Peacock the next day.

Peacock the very next day. Exactly, it just leaps upon NBC. Watch it twice. Exactly, you need to experience it twice. Please welcome for the first time on the show, John Cryer. Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!

Woo! Giving himself his own. There's a very small studio audience and I am it. John, I'm gonna tilt that microphone to paint a little more of your face. Be more of my face? I was kind of doing the off mic thing. So that I sound like.

You're also, you're not a movie actor anymore. So you don't realize you have to have mics. Still on sabbatical. What was the last movie you did? The last movie I did was actually a really good one called Big Time Adolescence with Pete Davidson. He's fantastic. Sydney Sweeney's in it, she's wonderful.

Machine Gun Kelly's in it. It's on Hulu, you can check it out. You were in Ass Backwards too. And I was in Ass Backwards with June Diane Raphael great in that. With June Diane Raphael. Yes, I had so much fun on that. Yeah, yeah. Yes, I was the very, very insistent stage manager. Yes, you were great, Matt, thank you. And of course, perhaps most importantly,

you played yourself in a sketch I wrote for Mr. Show. The Monk Academy sketch. Yes, which is to this day, my favorite work with a monkey. Yes. Was there a monkey in Two and a Half Men? It wouldn't surprise me. No, no, never been a monkey. They didn't replace Charlie Sheen with a monkey at one point? They never, that was Ashton Kutcher. Oh, right. Okay, sorry. There's a small... Small difference. Small difference.

Small difference. Well, you were very nice. You showed up to the set. I don't think you knew what your costume was going to be because I think you went into your trailer and saw your ducky costume from Pretty in Pink and was like, oh, yes. Oh, is that what we're going with? Yes, I'd read the script, but I don't recall it saying he has dressed entirely as Ducky. It said John Cryer drives up in a convertible with a monkey.

And said, hey guys, get the fuck in here. Yes, exactly. Maybe they made me change it from Ducky to John Cryer. Just, I have no idea. Yes, I don't know. But you arrived at your trailer and you went, oh, okay. And you were so, you were very nice and you agreed to do it.

No, it was a brilliant sketch. It was a, I loved that sketch, absolutely loved it. The thing that killed me about the sketch was when David Cross is sabotaging the other sides. And at one point he, because it was what we called back in the day, a fat camp, which is a rude way of- It is a very rude way. And I may have referred to the actors collectively

when I was giving some direction as that. Yeah. And that's- And I got a talking too. Yes. But when David Cross leads them astray in the midst of the big contest by leaving a trail of candy bars, of course, that's a totally 80s joke. But then he slits their throats, which I was like, oh, okay, that's where we're going with

this. But I loved that sketch. I also enjoyed the, it was just a math joke, but there's two really big competitions where the kids win one and the monks win one. And so they're tied at one a piece. And then the next, the finale is worth a hundred points. Yes.

And so, so whoever wins this one. And the wrap off was great. Oh, the wrap off, yes. Oat and Kurt's wrap, wrap, wrap, wrap, wrap. Yes, great stuff. Great stuff. It was a lot of fun. You took a wonderful picture with me in the costume,

which I have treasured for these many years. And yeah, I mean, Pretty and Bank, a huge movie in my high school life. I was right there in the Target. Oh, really? In the Target age, yeah, I was 16, I believe when it came out. Oh, so yeah, you were like, prom was knocking on the door.

Oh yeah. Knocking on the door and I was not answering. I didn't go to prom in my, first of all, we called it the prom on the East Coast, but it was because I went to the Bronx High School of Science, nerds. But you were all nerds. Yes, exactly. So no one went to prom?

So they did. They had a very small prom. But it was the, because it was also the 70s and late, you know, and early 80s, it was not cool to go to the prom. Oh, interesting. In New York City. Because we were, you know, we were punk whackers who, you know, we hate the establishment, man. Calm as for the establishment.

Was that your sort of aesthetic in high school? Was like... Yes, yes, I was more sort of new wavy. Uh... Post-punk? Post-punk, you know, the buggles. Uh... Sure, Trevor Horn.

Yes, exactly. Um, so that was my group group and the theater nerds, which was also a tiny minority. So it was a science school that actually had theater? Yeah, not really though. Would you have to do science-themed plays all the time? No, we did West Side Story and I found out that I was apparently the one who was supposed to build the set.

I did not realize that. Until the day before? No, no, I had a couple of weeks. So I built this just incredibly ramshackle set that was apparently the grandest set that Bronx Science had ever had. They left it up and just did productions that they could use that set until it fell apart

and actually fell down out of the rafters in the midst of a show. In the midst of the good doctor, which I don't know if that, it was West Side Story, so I made this sort of cityscape that you could take up into the rafters. So I didn't realize the good doctor,

the show was based on a play, how interesting. I believe it was probably something that was a dissimilar idea, that was probably not. That's so funny, they have a high school kid build the set, they don't check anything. No. No. And then it falls down. Exactly.

And they're surprised. Yes, liability issues, apparently not top of mind. I have to say, did you see that Willy Wonka thing in England? Yes, oh, I loved that. It gave me such agita, because it reminded me of all the dreams that you have of like, showing up to a play that you don't know the lines for, but in real life. Yes, the actors, I just felt for the actors in that because they gave it their all. Yes.

No matter how low rent and awful it was. And the children are screaming and crying and the actors are just, you know, digging in and finding that reserve and this is going to be the thing that gets them through the day. But God bless them. So were you a stage actor then or did you join the theater department hoping to be a stage actor? They were like, hey, you build the set. And then you're like, no. No, I was already a stage actor. I was like the experienced one. I had started, I went to theater camp when I was 12. Oh, that's a good experience.

So, yes. Oh, no, actually, no, I did my first West Side Story in junior high school at 12. Then, yeah, I went to a theater camp at 14. And you're the actor, by the way, I read this, the Guinness Book of World Records, you've done the most productions of West Side Story. Of West Side Story, thank you, yes.

Ba-da-da, da-da-da. And you've hummed it the most times. I had one line in my first production, it was, but the gym's neutral territory. Okay, so which character is that I'm trying to- That is a character called, ironically, Big Deal. And he says that at one point because, you know, they're saying, hey, we should have the Rumble

at the gym. And I say, but the gym's neutral territory. See? That's an important thing in the show. Does anyone contradict that? Nobody contradicts that. And the Rumble ends up happening under a highway. And I know that because I had to build

the fucking highway. But yeah, I, by the way, I didn't know if I could say fucking on the show. So that's why I... Don't worry, I'm generally very... You get three, so you get one more. Okay, great. Great. Otherwise it turns into an X-rated podcast. Great.

And we don't want that. Well, comedy gangbang, you know, which pretty much any gangbang I'm a part of. How many of you are a part of? Well, is there something in your biography about that? Wait, let's check it. Let's look down the list. IMDB. Is there a porn IMDB?

I don't, there should be. I don't know, although I feel like they've started listing them on IMDB? I don't, there should be. I don't know, although I feel like they started listing them on IMDB now, which is like, oh, could you come up with a separate website for that, please? Is that possible? Is there a lot of crossover?

So the stuff that I don't, that I'm a part of doesn't have, anyway. Anyway. But so you, and then you rock, how old were you when you started being in movies? Was this, were you out of high school at this point or? Yes, I got my, I got my first gig in three weeks before I left high school, which was a Broadway show, which was very fancy. Was that the, the Matthew Broderick? Yes.

Yeah. and you have not lived until you've told off your super annoying social studies teacher that you're leaving school to go be in a Broadway show. And, um- That's the dream. It is the dream. Oh, Miss Sagos. God bless you, Miss Sagos, you tried, but- Is Miss Sagos still with us, I wonder?

I hope so. Oh man, that sentence could have gone either way. Yes. But at any rate, but yes. But then when I was doing Brighton, then I got fired from Brighton Beach. Why? Because there's a lot of, in that particular play,

Neil Simon has written a lot of things of lines. Yeah, a lot of plays have too many of them. A lot of them, exactly. And there were so many that I couldn't remember them all. So wait, did you like actually perform it and you were like, did you turn to the audience and go, I gotta go, I don't know the rest of it. Just go home and read it. Work with me here, people. Well, no, I was his understudy. I was Matthew Broderick's understudy. Matthew Broderick won the Tony while I was his understudy. No pressure. Did he share it with you? Did he sort of cut off the head and give it to you?

You've got my back on this. No, he did not. But when you're in understudy, by the way, you only rehearse two times a week. You don't- Oh, you actually rehearse two times, once it opens? Yeah. Oh, you do, wow. Yeah, so it's, you don't get a lot of rehearsals. So by the time that they, that he won the Tony,

I had only had eight rehearsals. And so I was petrified. Right. And- And you're a young kid, you're 18 or so. 18, and the part is huge. I mean, it's like hamlet. He's like talking to the audience all the time.

It's told from his point of view, he's talking to the audience all the time. Yeah. Huge monologue. And then he has to talk to other characters in between. Oh my God. I mean, it's crazy what they ask of you. So at any rate.

Did anyone ask you like before I give you the job, like, hey, do you think you can memorize all this? You know, there's a lot of words in this. You may wanna honestly check it out. Like they audition, usually people, they do one scene or two scenes, like they should do the whole play. They should do the whole thing,

but it would take hours. It's a two and a half hours show. I know, but still, that's, I mean, you don't have two and a half hours to get a- You're right, you're right, to get a job that pays well. At any rate, so I finally did a rehearsal about six weeks in with the director.

By the way, you don't meet the director, you're working with the stage manager. Oh, the stage manager, okay, yeah. So I finally do a rehearsal for the director and I asked for the line a couple of times. Like as one does during rehearsal. When you're one-one is the understudy. Exactly.

But that's not professional on Broadway. But that is not professional on Broadway. But that is not professional on Broadway. And the next day I got fired. Wow. And honestly, it's great. Cause I do, I learn the lines now. I learned on the first day, I should really, on the first gig,

that I should learn the lines. It was always very interesting to me doing the Comedy Bang Bang television show because we had actors of all different types, you know, we had some people who had never acted before, we had musicians who had never acted before, we had comedians who this was their first job, and then we would have professional actors who were like

on TV shows and the difference of the professional ones who like were on TV shows, they would come in knowing even if it was pages and pages of dialogue, they had stayed up the night before memorizing it was just so vast. We're terrified. That's why that happens. We are terrified. Did you get rehired then on a different one? Well, that's the crazy thing though. They hired me back because I- Because they were like, guess what? No one can learn these lines.

After they fired me, I went and did Torch Song Trilogy. Oh yeah. With Harvey Fierstein? With Harvey Fierstein. Yes, I took it out to Los Angeles and Harvey did the show. Oh wow. And then I got a gig in a movie called No Small Affair. And once No Small Affair came out, literally, this is how this happened by the way,

my mom was sitting next to the director, Gene Sacks, at a play. They actually had known each other, and Gene said, oh, hey, how's your son? And my mom, who was furious still that I got fired at this, was like, oh no, he's doing great. He just starred in a movie. How do you like that, Gene Sachs?

And Gene said, oh, we always knew he'd be a star. And then the next day, they called and hired me back at Brighton Beach Memoirs. How many times did you end up doing it? I did it for about nine months on Broadway. You did it for, oh, so after Matthew Broderick left, you actually did it for nine months. I did it for nine months. And then they were doing Biloxi Blues, Biloxi Blues opened as I was doing Brighton Beach, which was the sequel to Brighton Beach Memoirs. Yes, I saw it with Ted Lange from the Love Boat

as the drill instructor. And they gave him... That's who you want. They gave him the final bow. Isaac. And I was like, you know, give it the Matthew Broderick part, the final bow. You know, hey, Love Boat, you know, is canon.

Sure. As far as I'm concerned. He would always, by the way, like turn around to the audience, like shaking up a shaker as well. Yes. For every line. Wasn't that what like turn around to the audience, like shaking up a shaker as well for every line. Wasn't that what he would do in the Love Boat? In the title sequence.

Oh no, he would point it. That's right, he would point it. Oh no, yes, you're right. It was pointing. It's been probably a month since I saw the Love Boat. Yes. So it's true. But that's incredible to do that

for nine months on Broadway. On Broadway. But then when Biloxi Blues opened, they needed somebody to understudy Matthew. Matthew again. So they asked me to, while I was doing Brighton Beach, understudy Matthew and Biloxi Blues. So you had to learn the lines for another show? I said no. I said, guys, I'm barely on top of these lines.

I don't think you want me to have to learn a whole other show. How many times did you forget the lines when you were doing it for real? For real? I had a couple of drops, but you do every now and then. The scariest thing is when you're when you miss an entrance. Oh, that's the worst because you're sitting backstage and they have the speaker back there

and the speaker is usually crackling with crackling and then every now and then there's usually crackling with... And then every now and then there's a little bit of silence because sometimes actors pause, I don't know if you've ever heard of that. But then sometimes that silence goes on a little too long. People are going, uh... And you realize that you're the reason that that silence has gone a little too long. I always felt like too, if you ever jump over lines and you just skip to like, you know, another page

or something, those are usually the least important parts of the show. The ones that should be cut. It's kind of a note to the author in a way. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, you're right. You're right. That's something that Neil Simon should have taken into consideration. So you never did the third one then, right?

No, I didn't. What was the third one about? He becomes a banker on Wall Street? What happened? That was, it was Barrington Beach memoirs, Biloxi Blues, and then Broadway Bound. Broadway Bound, right. Where he was about to become a playwright,

or he is a playwright. I did not even see the third one. Okay. You know, because I was so busy being a star. Oh, right. That's, of course, then you segued into... Stardom. Stardom. Is then you segued into... Stardom. Stardom.

Is what I segued into. Which Pretty in Pink and Hide and Out and then Superman 4, The Quest for Peace. The Quest for Peace, which brought all of it to a screeching halt. I killed the Superman franchise. Well, I wouldn't say it was your performance. I was excited to see it because I was like, hey, these are two of my interests,

John Cryer and Superman combined. I might've thought you were playing Superman then. Oh, see that would have been fun. No, it was Christopher Reeve. They reassembled the cast from the first one, which was so exciting to me. And the original script was terrific, but they ran out of money.

There's like movies about how wrong that movie went. And that had a Ned O'Toole in it as well, did it not? A not a Ned O'Toole. Oh, sorry. The wonderful Ned O'Toole. But no, that would be, I would have remembered that. Wait, who am I thinking of? You're thinking of Marielle Hemingway. Oh, okay. No, maybe a Ned O'Toole is in the-

Or Margot Kidder or Gene Hackman. Are you thinking of Gene Hackman? Wait, Peter O'Toole was in Supergirl. Oh, hey Jimmy. Hey, what's up man? Hey, how's it going, Jimmy? Good, gotta go? Okay, oh thanks. Ned O'Toole was in Superman 3.

Okay, I'm thinking of that. Ah, there we go. She played Lana Lang in Superman 3. Yes, yes. And then of course she's- No, we had the whole gang back together. We had Gene Hackman and Margot Kidder. Incredible. And Jackie Cooper. Jackie Cooper was back. Jackie Cooper was back. One of the whole gang back together. We had Gene Hackman and Margot Kidder and Jackie Cooper.

Jackie Cooper was back. Jackie Cooper was back. The little rascals. I was so excited, but he was like late little rascals. Mark McClure. Mark McClure, Jimmy Olsen. Gotta go. Okay, bye, Jimmy, thanks.

Thanks. Sorry, that's Jimmy. He's been lost here in my house, I think, for years. At this point, I'm not sure. But it's great that- Not all who wander are lost. Hey, Jimmy, you're back. Go, go. Okay, bye, Jimmy, he's been lost here in my house, I think, for years at this point. But it's great that- Not all who wander are lost. Hey, Jimmy, you're back. Okay, bye, Jimmy, see ya.

Yes, it's that he approaches and then leaves so fleetingly. It's so exciting. And they just ran out of money in the middle of it. Oh yes, they ran out of money because they were making He-Man and The Masters of the Universe and they wanted to take all the money over there. This is the canon group. And did they use all the sets from Super, in the same way that they use your sets for West Side Story?

And they still they started falling down. Yeah, yeah. No, they just ran out. They did. They just cut weeks out of the schedule. They just said, Nope, we're not doing that. There was a big battle between Superman and the nuclear man. And they're like, no, that battle's gone. And there was, and the script actually originally made sense. It was a really terrific script. That was, and what year was that? Was that 87? 87. Yeah, and I was 17 years old. I went with my mom as one of the few,

like we had seen all the Superman movies together. She even saw Supergirl with me in Arizona. And so we went together. It was one of the, I was 17 and not really hanging out with my mom at the time, but it was one of our like, Hey, let's go to this together. Let's go to this together while I don't go to the prom. And we left scratching our heads. I couldn't see it in New York, because I was, I don't know, oh, I was with my grandparents actually in Indiana. We were all apparently hanging out with the relatives. And I took my grandma to see it,

and about 10 minutes in, she just leaned over and said, oh, oh honey, this is just terrible. And, because it's terrible. And I'm sad about it, because I loved the original movie, and I love to be a part of that. And it seemed like it was gonna be great when we first started. Well, you got your redemption though, because you came back to star as your uncle, Lex Luthor,

in Supergirl and then other various shows. You did some of the crossovers, right? Yes, I did. Yes, Flash and all the other. That's the guy who runs really fast. Yes, that's the guy who runs really fast. Yes, that's the guy who runs really fast. That was actually really fun because finally,

my comic book nerdiness from when I was a kid actually was paying off because I knew all the lore and I knew all the stuff. Did you really? Yeah, because that's what one did. In science slash school. At the Bronx High School of Science. You should write some. Sure, why not? There's a lot of shit I should do.

Yeah, I mean, life's not over yet. No, you're right. I mean, you can't just sit around polishing your Emmys. It is time consuming, polishing your Emmys. There's a lot of crevices. Yeah. Do you think it's unfair that I have as many as you? You know, I was going to talk to somebody about that at the Academy.

Can we make the categories different? Can they be smaller, depending on how big the category is or how important the category is? Congratulations. Oh, yes. And congratulations. Many hamburgers to you as well. But can we talk about Extended Family because this is your new foray into sitcoms.

Yes, it's an exploration. That's right. Into sitcoms. You're dipping your toe back in the water. In the water, very carefully, tremulously. Now, what's interesting about this show is it's based on real people. Yes.

So this is a new- Well, yes, a lot of shows are, you know, about actual human beings. This is a new genre I'm calling bio-pitcom. Okay. It's catchy. I like it. Yeah, it's based on-

I like it. It's based on like a real couple or- Well, yeah, because there's a weird factoid is that Witt Grausbeck, who's the owner of the Boston Celtics, he and his wife share an apartment with her ex-husband because they didn't want the kids, once the previous couple was divorced, they didn't want the kids to have to move back and forth.

And it's just a very, very specifically odd- Arrangement. Divorce arrangement. And they are three very close friends now. They're hilarious together. And basically, you know, Mike O'Malley, who is an actor and a writer, met him and said, oh, this is weird and funny.

Let's do a show. And NBC said, yeah, that's weird and funny. Let's do a show. There's a peek behind the curtain about the process. Yes. That's how these things happen. Michael Malley, of course, one of the fathers of a student in Glee.

Yes, yes. And has created many shows. And yeah, and this, it stars you and Donald Faison, right? And Abigail Spencer, who people will remember, of course, from the 100th episode of the Comedy Bang Bang TV show, where we ate a hot dog from either end, Lady and the Tramp style, and then kissed, what, with hot dog in her mouth?

How did I miss that? How did I miss that? One of the grossest things I've done as an actor, and she was very fun and game to do that, so it was very fun. All right. Well, what can, I'm sorry, a little more context on the eating the dog.

It was a meet cute, she played my fiance in that episode, it was our 100th episode. She played my fiance and then we flashed back to how we met and I had been sold a hot, or no, I'd been sold a bunch of hot dog buns without any hot dogs and she had been sold a hot dog without a bun and then we bumped into each other and it came together and became a perfect hot dog,

which we then lady in the tramp style ate. Style ate together. Until our mouths met in the middle and then we tongue kissed with hot dog in our mouth. Oh my God. Oh, I am sincerely, I was sarcastically sorry that I missed that one, but I am now sincerely sorry that I missed that one.

It was very funny. And it's currently out on NBC, the season finale of which can be seen this Tuesday. Is there anything shocking happening in the season finale? Yes, somebody dies and then it's all next season will be about who killed them. Oh cool. No, no. And it's you.

Yes, and it's me. That would be shocking. No, it's a family, it's a show about a weird family, so nothing wildly shocking happens, just funny stuff. And are we coming back for a second season? Do we know yet? I don't know yet. You don't even know.

I don't even know yet. Can you call me when? I will let you know. Because I'd love to have a little addendum at the end of the episode. Just leave me a voicemail and we'll put it at the end. Okay, great. By the way, we're done.

We had a great run. Thanks. God damn it. The slam. Well, this is exciting. You're back on TV. Yes. For all the film directors out there,

sabbatical could be over. Could be over, I could be enticed out of my sabbatical. You could do Superman five. I could, I could. I, you know, I'll tell you, those doing superhero shows are, first of all, it's really hard. And when you get there, you realize that a lot of these actors are really, really good.

Like Grant Gustin on Flash. Yeah, yeah, they're great. Melissa Benoist, I mean, it's hard to do that straight faced and make it actually seem believable. And make it actually seem believable. And it's also just an incredible physical, physically demanding job. Right, he's gotta run around.

You gotta run, no, you get hoisted on stuff. Then they put it in fast forward. Yeah. Well, maybe less for him. But Melissa was like hanging from wires for significant hours of the day and doing all kinds, you gotta do these fights and you gotta do all this stuff that is really hard.

And so I was, I found myself also having to do some of that stuff, you know. You had to hang from wires? I had to hang from wires. Like second, first day they had to pick me up in a helicopter and then hang me from a wire later because apparently I put on my Lexo suit and fly away and Supergirl catches me. And then I like, I don't- This sounds amazing. It was't. This sounds amazing. It was amazing, it was amazing. So a helicopter on your first day,

where you're like, what the fuck am I doing? I have two Emmys. I'm a multimillionaire, what am I doing? Why am I wasting my time on this? Hanging fear factor style from a helicopter. You know, but again, you know, you get older in life and you go, you know, are my days of hanging from helicopters over?

Apparently not. Yeah. So was it, was it thrill? I mean, I am fascinated by this. Were you sort of like, okay. But then was it thrilling to you or were you like, you know what, I could never do that again. That'd be fine.

No, it was, it was, it was great. It was genuinely fun. I actually didn't, just so you know, it was fake. I did not actually hang at any distance from the helicopter. I got, when the helicopter's on the ground, they shot me with all kinds of stuff and, you know. Okay, so you never hung from the helicopter. I never, no.

So you're kind of a liar. I'm kind of, I came on your show to lie. Trying to act like a big man. Hey, trying to act like a big man. Trying to act cool. Well, no, the crazy thing is, when I did Superman 4 back in 1987, they did a lot more stuff practical.

We had to do, the very first shot that we shot on that show was toward the end, you probably don't remember, Superman, Lex Luthor and his nephew Lenny Mee tried to escape the city after getting caught in an open top roadster. Superman flies underneath it, picks it up and flies away with it. Well, first day of shooting, they wired a roadster,

open top roadster with me and Gene Hackman in it, wired Christopher Reeve underneath it and pulled it up on a huge construction crane. Day one. Day one. Is this the first time you're meeting Gene Hackman in it, wired Christopher Reeve underneath it and pulled it up on a huge construction crane. Day one. Day one. Is this the first time you're meeting Gene Hackman? This is the first time I'm meeting Gene Hackman.

I had met Christopher Reeve. But Gene Hackman, he's a legendary actor. Legendary actor. He's probably very imposing. Very imposing. He plays Cranky on screen, which leads me to believe he's Cranky in real life. Famously Cranky in real life. Super nice to me at any rate.

Yeah, you know, he was lovely. We had a good time. I think he sort of saw the writing on the wall and was just like, this is like a drain wreck. And just did not worry about it. Just was like, make sure they let me go in time for golf. I love the story that he didn't wanna shave his head in Superman one, so they made him wear a wig. Yes. Yes. God bless him. God bless John Hagenham. I love that movie,

that first movie. And the second one was great too. Sure. Have you ever seen the Donner Cut? No. Come to think of it. Yeah. We should watch it together. We should watch it together. We should watch it for my movie podcast. I'm trying to monetize everything I do. Yes. Every action I ever take. Great. Jon, it's great to have you. You also have a podcast.

We'll talk about that on the other end of the break, but Extended Family, the season finale, up on NBC Tuesday, tomorrow. 8.30, after Night Court. After Night Court, another, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday,

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday,

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Get through. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we'll have an entrepreneur. This is exciting, an entrepreneur.

I'm excited about entrepreneurs. You probably have a lot in common. They're the engine of growth. They're the job makers. That's right. The rest of us are merely- John Takers, although you have a loan out company, so you are your own boss. Oh, really?

You're... Okay. I'm assuming. Are we criticizing my level of capitalism? Is that what's happening here? Is this a gotcha moment? This is a gotcha podcast. Yeah, I forgot. here? Is that what this is? Is this a gotcha? This is a gotcha podcast. Yeah, I forgot. It's a Digglas podcast and a gotcha podcast.

We also have a tourist. We'll be right back with more John Cryer, more Comedy Bang Bang. We'll be right back after this. Yeah. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. John Cryer Extended Family Season Finale comes up on Tuesday

and the entirety of the entire season, 13 episodes can be seen on Peacock starting on Wednesday. Although I guess you could see the first 12 now. Yes, yes, feel free to binge. Sure. Feel free to just. 13 would take you, let's see, there are 22 minutes apiece. This is about an hour for three. We're talking about

four and a half hours or so. That's nothing. That's nothing. Your kids don't need you during that time. If you watch Killers of the Flower Moon and not every episode of Extended Family, what are you doing with your life? Seriously. Seriously. You also have a podcast. It's called Lawyers, Guns, and Money. Yes. Tell me about Yes. It is a bananas true story. True story. True story about a young public defender in 1986 in Miami. That was the time of Miami Vice. And it was about a year before Superman 4, The Quest for Peace came out. Yes, exactly. That's how everybody places that in their minds.

You're probably filming it at the time you're being picked up in the roadster. Yes, like the opening of Scarface is, a year before Superman 4 comes out. There's a crawl saying. But it was a wild time in Miami, just horrifying amounts of drugs and just drenched in violence.

What's a horrifying amount of drugs, by the way? Well, you've been around it. You did two and a half men for 12 seasons. Are we using the metric system? Are we using kilos? Are we? Um, there's no conversion chart for when you hit a horrifying amount. Um, at any rate, he's, so he's this young public defender in Miami.

His first felony case is a guy who's been caught with a machine gun and a silencer, which nowadays is no big deal. But then- And he's using the silencer on the machine gun? Is that possible? That was the theory at the time. So it's like, what?

So he confronts the guy, he says, okay, I'm defending you. Why did you have a machine gun and a silencer? And the guy says, well, I've actually been running guns for the CIA. And he says, sure, you are. And he said, no, you don't believe me? Here's a phone number.

And the guy called the phone number and it was the National Security Council. It was the White House. And he had sort of accidentally uncovered what would become one of the biggest presidential scandals in US history, which was Iran-Contra. Wow. That Ronald Reagan was actually fighting a secret war at that time that was illegal, because Congress had specifically said,

hey, man, no secret wars. Bro, could you just not secret war? Dude. So it ends up being this crazy adventure that involves like the world powerboat champion and James Kahn. James Kahn? James Kahn, swear to God. Films Thief?

Yes, Films Thief. A film's rollerball guy, as far as I'm concerned. But the crazy thing is it's a crazy story, but it's also funny. It's kind of like the in-laws because they were so hapless back then. And also kind of terrifying because a lot of the people that were behind that are still pulling crap today. So what are you doing it? Are you narrating it?

I'm narrating it. Yes. It's interviews with all the real people because a lot of this has has has come out and a lot of new information has come out and a lot of stuff that that links up to conspiracy theories from way back when like the October surprise and all kinds of crazy stuff is a part of it. And you researched this whole thing and you're just making it up, right? I'm just making it up. Thank you for allowing me to clarify on that. This is not, this never happened. This is a being hoisted by the helicopter situation.

Ronald Reagan wasn't president. Wow. No, it is all true. Jack Bryan, the documentary filmmaker behind Active Measures, which is, if you ever get a chance, a terrific documentary. No, he was interviewing somebody for that, a guy named John Mattis. And John Mattis said, oh, by the way, I was the guy who exposed Iran Contra and led on to, he did an expansive interview that ended up becoming- What a fascinating story. How many episodes of this podcast are there?

There are eight episodes, I believe. And it's currently airing, or are all eight? It's on. All eight are out there. It's called Lawyers, Guns and Money. Get it on Apple Podcasts, wherever you go. After you sate yourself with comedy bang bang. Sure, well you gotta watch Night Court first.

Yes. And don't turn off. Don't, just don't. Then watch Extended Family, then you can turn off. And then do whatever you want. Or you can watch The Voice if you wanna. Reba's on now, I guess. No, Reba's awesome.

Tremors, dude. How do you know? I met her, she's lovely. Okay. She's lovely. And she's one of those people that like, you know, you led me to believe that you're on The Voice this season or something. No, I'm not. No, I'm not.

Again, I have lied terribly. I am not on The Voice. Reba McEntire is on The Voice. She is a national treasure. Yes, she played the mermaid in a Barbon Star, Go to Vista Del Mar. Yes. I mean, that alone puts her into the comedy pantheon.

Exactly, exactly. And Tremors. And Tremors, of course, yeah, where she battled the Graboids. Come on. Yes. Speaking of Graboids, we need to get to our next guest. We need to grab on to our next guest. He is an entrepreneur, so we're having him back.

He's not been on the show for a little while, probably because I put a ban on entrepreneurs. And now he's back. He is, of course course the owner and proprietor of the Smooth Criminal Business, which we'll get into a little bit. John, you probably have no idea who this is, but. No, but again, grateful to meet any kind of entrepreneur

because they are the job makers and the rest of us who merely are tricking. Trickle down economics, of course. We take jobs. Yes, they make are tricking. We take jobs. Trickle down economics, of course. Yes, exactly. They make them. Exactly. We're lucky.

Don't be alarmed by his hairless state. He is 99.9% hairless. Please welcome back to the show, Al A. Peterson. Hey, Scott, it's great to see you again. Hey, this is John Cracker. It's been quite a while, my friend. Hello, John, how are you? I'm great, Al.

It's good to see you. Thank you. Now, we've never met, is that correct? We have never met. Is this your card? Oh, my goodness, look at you. We've never met, is that correct? We have never met. Is this your card? Oh my goodness, look at that. Oh my God, wow. The Ace of Diamonds.

He's that good. Interesting, when did you pick the card? He pulled it out from behind my ear from fully six-foot-feet away. I had no idea you were actually a magician as well. I'm not, I've just been carrying this card around. I've been asking everyone I meet. Oh, this is your personal card. I found them.

From your personal deck? Yeah, I found this on the street. Oh, okay, great. Al, welcome back to the show. It's so good to see you. It's good to be here, Scott. And just a minor addendum, the business is not called the smooth criminal business. I am the smooth criminal because of course I am completely hairless except for my anus

hair. Yes, that's right. What is the business called again? Is that- The business doesn't have a name because it's an illegal operation. Oh, I see. So you can't actually name it. It's better not to. Right. Okay. But John, if you never heard Allie Peterson on the show before, describe exactly what your business is. I help people fake their own deaths. If you're in a bind, you gotta get out. If you're in a bind, you're- You're way behind.

You're looking to make a deal. Yep. Come to me and I will help you start a new life. That's right. And have you ever been in that situation where you're like, God, I wish I could just start all over. Fake my own death? No, not that I can remember.

I feel like we would know that. Well, no, after Superman 4. Oh yes. There's that. I should have engaged your services. The quest for peace. The quest for peace. Now, correct me if I'm wrong. I don't know if I've ever seen three and four

of the Superman franchise, but in four, Superman himself gets fed up with the human race and their nuclear proliferation. And he says, I'm going to throw all these nukes into the sun. Yes. Yes. Yes. It's not that he's fed up with the human race. He loves the human race. He loves the human race. He just wants to protect them. No, a little kid, a cute kid asks him, that's really all it took. He never thought about it before. Never thought about it before as far as I know. As Clark Kent, he's writing headlines every day. He's a newspaper reporter. Yeah. Earth on the precipice of nuclear war is his byline.

He just shrugs and keeps telling it. I wonder if somebody can do something about this. And a child shall lead them. Yes, and of course, Three has Richard Pryor in it. That's right. And playing the person who figures out how to steal half cents from his business and becomes a millionaire,

which they then stole for the movie Office Space. Hold on a second. This is a big enough crime to attract Superman's attention? I don't... Accounting errors. It's a new area for him. The Fortress of Solitude has a section of accountants. It's a Kryptonian trait to hate embezzlers.

I believe that the main villain, who is of course Robert Vaughn, he's up to no good and Richard Pryor is his employee. And then he finds out about Richard Pryor's malfeasance in the corporate sphere, and then enlists him as a dupe in order to hide his own nefarious plans. This is gonna sound like a harsh question,

but are you fucking kidding me? I may be getting it wrong, I don't know. I know that we tried to do a shot for shot remake of the ending of it in one of our bang bang episodes. Ah, that might explain your encyclopedic grasp of the plot points. Yes, I watched it again in order to- Fair enough. In order to replicate it.

That memorable closing scene in Superman 3. Where Robert Vaughn becomes a computer and walks around as a boxy robot. I have to repeat my earlier question, but it does confirm something. I have never seen that movie. Also there's a weird subplot where Superman gets split into evil Superman and good Superman and battles himself. It's a wild movie. Okay, I know what I'm doing today.

Immediately after this recording. Do a watch along. Maybe I will do a watch. Who wouldn't love to hear me watching Superman 3? And if you would for John, encapsulates the way that you help people fake their own deaths. Let's say you're in a situation where you have to disappear. I put an ad in the newspaper, in the classified section,

and it's an innocuous ad, but you know what to look for. Then you come to me, you meet me at the appointed place. I will then forge passports, credit cards, and I will shave your entire body. Excluding, of course, your anus hair, because that way you retain a little bit of your own identity. And dignity. And dignity. course, your anus hair, because that way you retain a little bit of your own identity. And dignity.

And dignity. And then you start your new life. Yeah. And I also advise you, don't grow that hair back. And that helps with people not recognizing you or what is, why is that? It does help with people not recognizing you, at least right away. But now, okay, but you're, but okay, you're giving them new passports. Yes.

A new ID. That's right. But you, I would imagine, and then you shave them. You also tell them to like go somewhere else, I hope, because if they just stay there, shaven with new papers, it doesn't, does that accomplish? I can offer that advice. It's up to the, the, sure.

The client to take it or not. But, uh, one fine point is that I, of course, I shaved them first, then I was going to say, yeah, if you get the new passports before you shave them, they don't match the purpose. Exactly. And this is in order to replicate your own experience of how you, uh, uh,

this is how I got the idea. Yes. You see in a, uh, in a former life, I had a college sweetheart fiance named Carlifer. And... I see, John, I see you wondering about that name. A small, quizzical look on my face. Yeah. Carlifer, of course, is a... It's a clumsy portmanteau of the names Carl and Jennifer, her parents. Okay. And that, by the way, was a sticking point between you and her father, is that correct? Not much of a sticking point. I mean, it was taking care of very, very quickly.

And I'm forgetting exactly what happened. Let me remind you. Carlifer and I had been dating for quite some time. We were college sweethearts, and then when we were about to take the plunge into becoming a fiancée, I was invited to Karlifer's house for dinner, and I met her parents. Her mother, Jennifer, of course, was a Vermouth drunk and had drunk her, I think, fifth or sixth bottle of Vermouth that day. She was in the kitchen making dinner, and I was meeting Carl, her father,

for the first time alone and. You had met him with other people before? No, I was meeting him for the first time. And you were not. And we were alone. Oh, okay, got it. Yes. I thought that was running together, for the first time alone. Yeah, well you were wrong.

Okay, great. It wasn't. Okay, so this is the first time alone or with any other. But you know what, Scott? Carlifer was there, so we weren't technically alone. So she was, wait, she was in the kitchen, or no, no. Jennifer was in the kitchen. Jennifer was in the kitchen on her fifth bottle. On her fifth bottle of vermouth.

And this is in? Learning the dinner. And which room are you in? The living room. The living room. Or the parlor, as some people call it. Mm-hmm, yes. Or the TV room. Yes. There's many names forlor, as some people call it. Mm-hmm. Yes. Or the TV room.

Yes. There's many names for it. Sure. But it's all the same thing. Right. Sometimes we would call the living room, the formal living room. Uh, and then we have the family room, which was the TV room. Oh, I see.

Very, very Downton Abbey of you. The formal living room. What would happen to the formal living room? Uh, not much. Heads of state, dignitaries. Yes. I would imagine. Were you not allowed to go in there as a child?

The dog was not, I'll tell you that much. And sometimes my father would pretend that we were all leaving the house and we would all get into the car and he would slam the car door and sneak back into the house in order to see if the dog then went into the living room and would surprise our dog and punish it into the house in order to see if the dog then went into the living room and

would surprise our dog and punish it if, because it would always sneak in there once. That's entrapment. When I recount it now, it seems like the actions of an insane person. Yes. Was he aware the dog did not speak English? And so the commands were largely lost on him. To try to explain to a dog, don't go with this rule. Because this is where we meet dignitaries and...

In any case, what happened once you were in the... So I'm meeting Carl and I had long held the idea in my mind and in my heart that Carlifer was a clumsy port manto. And I told myself, if I ever meet this man, I will tell him it's a clumsy poor manto. And while that's exactly what happened, I shook his hand. And mid-shake this happens? As I'm shaking his hand, I'm also very subtly forcing him down into a kneeling position. A kneeling position. Well, I'll say, Carlifer's a clumsy poor man too. And once he dropped to his knees, he thanked me. For that feedback.

Yes. Wow. Wow, what a power move. And I remember hearing Carlifer in the back, by the door, you know, this side, cause I marched right, as soon as the door opened, I marched right up to him. He got out of his chair. I gave him the, the get up motion.

Would he not have gotten out of his chair? Had it not been for that? Who can say, but I wanted to be the one who got him out of the chair. And so he stood up blinking. I'm sure the light from the open door suddenly is kind of blinding him. Well, he was, no, it was nighttime. Oh, okay, that's right. He stood up blinking. I'm sure the light from the open door suddenly is kind of blinding him.

Well, he was, no, it was nighttime. Oh, okay, that's right. He was there for dinner. Sure, okay, maybe the porch light though. Who would have a blinding porch light? This is such a vivid, typically told story. I've heard this story before, but I loved hearing new details about it.

He was blinking in fear. Oh, I see. Yes, I was establishing myself as the alpha in the room. Right. Yes. And he was the sort of beta cuck in this relationship? Not a cuck, but beta for sure. Sure.

Yes. And so he stood up blinking and so confused and I grasped his hand and the whole thing began. hand and the whole thing began. Carlifer, still standing by the door, I remember her saying, I love you so much. And I didn't know, and I still don't know to this day, if she meant me or her father, Carlifer. Right. Yeah. I mean, you breezed by her. I breezed by her. Yeah. Did you even like peck her on the cheek or was it just immediate like, hey, you get up.

Like a little swat on the rump. Swat on the rump with one hand, meanwhile beckoning, hey you, get out of your chair with another. And extending a hand after that as well. That is some complicated cryography. I didn't extend the hand till he stood up blinking. Oh, okay.

Wow, but that's to have the presence of mind to accomplish all of those things immediately upon entering an environment you'd never been in before. I had plotted it out meticulously and several times had to hide my whiteboard from Carlyfer. So you'd done a recon mission in order to figure out the- Absolutely, yes.

Yeah, the layout of the room. Probably my first criminal activity was sneaking into their home to get the lay of the land. You were not yet smooth at that point. No, I was not. I was very here suit. Yes, that's right. And then, so then after that, of course, after

that chance encounter, well, you know, when Carla and I were getting, Carla Farrer and I were getting so serious and, uh, I think I just panicked and I thought, well, this won't last. She'll leave me, but I didn't want to be the one to be left. Wait. Yes.

I didn't want to break up with her. Yeah. Well, I thought I'll force her to leave me, but I didn't want to be the one to be left. Wait. Yes. I didn't want to break up with her. Yeah. Well, you- So I thought I'll force her to leave me. Right. And so what I did was in a colossal, colossal act of underestimation of a woman that I loved deeply, I shaved my entire body to fake alopecia. Thinking that she would be- That would do it.

She would be so petty, so shallow as to break up with me. And of course it only made her love me even more. She said, we'll get through this. And she vowed to be with you through thick and or thin. Yes, hair wise. Yes. And I was so ashamed that I left without a word.

Through the open window, right? Till that night I went through the window. Unfortunately, I was so ashamed that I left without a word. Through the open window, right? Till that night I went through the window. Unfortunately, I was wearing one of Carla's favorite hoodies and she's been tracking me ever since to get that hoodie back. And possibly for closure regarding why

you may have done this? I'm not worth the closure. I'm sure it's just for the hoodie. Right, okay. And so you've changed your name several times, although not as long as we've known each other. No, I've retained the nom du crime Al A. Peterson. Right, in your personal life,

have you changed your name continuously in order to throw her off the scent? Just me by myself? Right. Just alone? Yes, because she's tracking you. She is tracking me, yes. Right. It's almost like the Incredible Hulk TV show. Sure, or The Fugitive, which. Yes, it's like one of those shows where she's, or The's tracking you. She is tracking me, yes. Right. It's almost like the Incredible Hulk TV show.

Sure, or The Fugitive, which- Yes, it's like one of those shows where she's, or The Little Sobo, she's one step behind me. And as long as you keep moving, you're one step ahead. But every once in a while, you'll get to a town, I would imagine, where you're kind of like, hmm, this is actually a nice environment. Exactly. Nice people, I may- I may put down roots here for a moment.

But then a murder will occur. Well, yes, and that person will have to disappear and I will help them do so. Right. Wow. And so now you try to replicate that experience for people out there who want to change their own lives. Yes. And look, I'm not here to judge you. If there's any reason why you feel you need to disappear, that's all I need to hear. And you need to know the reason though? I'd like to. I mean, I'll always ask. I'll always say, you don't have to tell me, but why are you faking your own death?

Well, it's interesting to talk to people, especially when you've been on the run for so many years. I'm a real people person. I love to talk to people. Absolutely. You love to come on this podcast and tell your own story, which I love. You would be surprised at the most common reason people fake their own death and start over again is because they're bored.

Really? Yes. They're just bored with their own life and they just want- They're bored with everything. Yeah, I can only imagine. I mean, John, you and I are in show business. We're peers, we have the same amount of Emmys.

Yeah. We have exciting lives, but for the regular Joe Schmo out there, you know? Yeah, who really, what is the point of living day to day? Yeah, exactly. You know, I guess it makes sense. You know, I'm really, I'm realizing something right now. Okay.

When you said Joe Schmo, that's always the name I give people when they start over. What? Uh-oh. Okay. So this is, yeah, this might be a bookkeeping problem. I ordered the passports in bulk. Oh no. The fake passports, I just put the picture in there.

So all Joe Schmo, they all have the same birth. So if there are Joe Schmo's out there, they're like, the chances are 99.9% they're your former client. They're hairless and got it. Wow. Yeah. Just traveling the wasteland. Does anyone, the wasteland, you mean non-Hollywood? Yes, exactly.

The flyovers. The flyovers, yeah. So does anyone ever quibble with that? Do they say, could I be a different name that I picked myself? They all do. And I say, no, that's not the way it works. You're Joe Schmo from now on.

Well, it's wonderful to have you back on the show. It's wonderful to be back on the show, Scott. What's been going on recently then? Why are we continuing to talk about the past? I'm taking a little bit of a sabbatical. Oh, you are, really? Much like Jon here. Yeah.

Oh, are you taking a sabbatical? I'm taking a sabbatical from film start-up. Theatrically released films. Well, I mean, I suppose I'm doing that too. Yes. I've been on that since the day I was born. But yeah, sometimes the grind gets to me and I feel like I need to, uh, I need to remember who I really am and I haven't used my own real name in such a long time.

That's right. Have we ever established what it is? I can't remember. No, we haven't. Oh, and we never will. Okay. Don't make me do the get out of your chair motion. By the way, you're minding padding someone

on the rump right now, so I'm getting very nervous. I wasn't aware I was doing that. The gesture is terrifying, I must say. It's so imposing. It's terrifying. So you're taking a sabbatical from faking people's deaths. Yes, exactly. Really? Yeah. So what are you doing with your time from faking people's deaths. Yes, exactly. Really? Yeah.

So what are you doing with your time then? I'm working in an Arby's. Pfft. In Arby's? Yes. So sir, this is an Arby's. America's roast beef, yes sir. Wow.

Jemoka shakes. Let's just, I'm putting them out there. Yes, I do. Just putting it out there, ladies and gentlemen. I don't know what these are. Jemoka shakes are the coffee shakes from Arby's that are astonishing in both their taste and the astonishing amount of caffeine they provide.

Really? I've never had one. Oh yes. There's that Arby's over on Sunset perhaps. Boom. The one that's, yeah. It's gonna happen. Has the drive-through window right next

to someone's apartment. Yeah. Actually tried to replicate in the Between Two Verns movie, in a deleted scene. But interesting, so you're working in an Arby's in what capacity? I'm making sure that the Jumoka Shakes don't kill anyone.

Because after that Panera Braves fiasco, put the supercharged lemonade. They had to install sort of a checks and balances. Yes, they said, look, we need someone who knows the criminal mind, someone who knows how a murderer thinks. And so the way the Jemokah shakes are the murderer in this analogy? Exactly.

I see. So you're out there judging the Jemokah shakes for how- I am Red Dragon style getting in the mind of this Jemokishank. Oh, great book, great movie. Man Hunter. That's right, yes, but also remade as Red Dragon. That's right. Original book's title.

Yes, that's right. Yeah, more books should be made over and over again. Why not? Why not? New Silence of the Lambs next year. I would love to see Batman's parents die once more. Yeah, I can't get enough of it. That's my favorite part.

I always leave Batman after that. Absolutely, I hate where they bury it in the middle of the movie. Put it right up at the top. So I can get the fuck out of here. All that in chronological order. Yes, well this is great. You're working in Arby's now.

Do you go across the country doing this or is this in one location? I am traveling the country by train, making sure that all of the Arby's locations do not kill people with the Jamoca shakes. Okay, do you have train tickets for this or are you just jumping on trains? Like a hobo.

I have a special pass. A special pass, an Arby's pass? From Amtrak. Oh, wow. Yes. Incredible. That if you're preventing murders, there is a special pass that you are given.

You can just go, do they call it like the Poi Rho pass or something like that in honor of the murder on the Orient Express? Poi Rho. Isn't that how you pronounce his name? That sounds like seafood. Poi Rho. Poi Rho.

Poi Rho. Poi Rho. I love caviar and I love Hawaiian mush. He had a crazy mustache, didn't he? He did indeed. You know what's that recent one? It's like a ghost story. Kenneth Branagh.

Yeah. Oh, murder in Venice or something. That's right. Yeah, I haven't watched this. The only one I haven't seen yet. Oh, you gotta catch up. Yeah. Do you have time though, working at Arby's these days?

Oh yeah, nobody comes in. They just go through the drive-through. But they have the meats. I know they have the meats, but they also have a drive-through window. And you don't do any meat related activities at Arby's? Never. No? Or in my life.

Wait, you're a vegan. No meat related activities. Okay, meaning you're a vegan, you don't eat it. By default. By default. Yeah, I don't wear meat. Like you don't wear leather in other words. Oh no, I wear tons of leather. Oh, okay. Well, that's a meat related activity. That's a stretch.

I mean, yeah, especially to get it in the shape of human bodies. Yeah. Because it's originally cow bodies. Do you feel that a pair of pants is in the shape of a human body? Sure. I think so in the shape of the lower shape. The the shape of a human body? Sure, I think so in the lower shape, don't you? The bottom part of a human body? Yeah, that's the whole- But flat. Yeah. Oh, well, yes. Flat Stanley style. You see the ad for that Harold in the purple crayon?

Starring adult man, Zachary Levi. Yeah, it's confusing, isn't it? It's a little odd, but he does look so excited about- He looks excited. his purple crayon. I feel like you and Zach Levi could do the same parts. Okay. You can feel that way all you want. You guys can switch off.

We could. Do you think you could play Shazam? I could. You know, there's an acronym. They don't go into it in the movies. Oh, you're right. There isn't. There's a whole backstory of it's surgical.

Steven. Let's keep going. Well, it ends with mobile and it starts with surgical. That's right. Okay. Oh, there's mobile involved in it? Let's do it at the same time. Yeah. Stephen.

Stephen. Hawking. Hawking. Hawking. Hawking. Hawking. Hawking. Hawking.

Az. Az. Az. Az. Zeus. Zeus. Zeus. That's the one that-

And Miss Piggy. Miss Pig Zeus. Zeus. That's the one. And. And. Miss Piggy. Miss Piggy, yes. The two dream roles he has. Stephen Hawking as Zeus and Miss Piggy. Stephen Hawking is Zeus.

And. And Miss Piggy in the same movie. And they battle each other. He was rich. He probably could have funded that, right? He's a rich guy, wasn't he? Sure. Sure.

He got all that big physics money. Yeah. Well, this is great for you. He never touched his physics money. You put that aside. You live on the interest of the physics money. He and Jay Lettow would just put all that money in one shared account. And drive jalopies. They would race their jalopies. Oh, man. Well, it's great for you. I'm so happy for you that you have this new exciting field going on.

Do you think you're gonna ever return to the faking people's deaths? I think that I will. I'm already starting to get bored with people not dying from the joke. Yeah, how many deaths have there been? Only two. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Okay. Two shakes escaped my notice. That's not bad. I mean, how many shakes have gone out the door? 200 billion. Yeah, so I mean, those are good odds. Yeah. Yeah, but was anyone mad at you for those two?

They couldn't be. I remember my manager came up to me and said, The district manager? Somebody died from the two over shake. I know that most of them you have checked and made sure they're not going to kill anybody. But just so you know, just be a little more careful. A couple slip through your, your grasp, I guess.

Yeah. What happened with those two, do you think? What, what do you mean? Why didn't you check those in other words? I think I was looking at my phone. They allow you to look at your phone during this jump. Nobody comes in. Okay.

Nobody comes in, but the times they were, that someone does come in and order a Jumbo-Kashek, you think that you would be like, oh wow, someone's here, but no, just those two. I never said they came in. Oh, what happened? They ordered through the drive-through. The drive, oh, so the drive-through is out of your bailiwick?

That's exactly right. Okay, wow. Yeah, that's somebody else. That's, oh wait, someone else does the drive-through once? Yeah, Mal A. Peterson. Mal A. Peterson? No relation. No relation to you? How crazy. What are the odds?

Yeah. That's crazy. No, he's from Australia. He is, okay. I gotta talk to him at some point. I don't think so. Okay. We can't get him today?

We cannot get him today. Okay, all right. Well, look, we need to take a break. This is, it's a pleasure to have you back, Al. Can you stick around? It's crazy to see you, of course I can. And John, you can stick around, we have a tourist coming up. Oh, look, we need to take a break. This is, it's a pleasure to have you back, Al. Can you stick around? Of course I can. And John, you can stick around.

We have a tourist coming up. Oh, I'm excited about tourists. This is exciting, yeah. This is a packed show. When we come back, we're gonna have a tourist on the show. We're gonna come right back with more Al A. Peterson, more John Cryer, more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Yeah.

Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. John Cryer is here. after this. Bum-ba-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum That's not enough for you? Jesus Christ. Honestly, it's not. I need more John Cryer in my life. You need more John Cryer. No, I don't, no, other than the TV show that I was making weekly that I've pumped out several hours of, four and a half hours of entertainment for you, thank God. What'd you do during the strike, by the way? And the podcast. I did the podcast during the strike. Did you really? Yes.

John, John. If you must know. John, give him the getup out of the chair. Yes. Okay, you accidentally did the- I can't sell it the way that you can out. You accidentally patted my rump. And I, you gotta switch hands with it.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. L.A. Peterson also here of Arby's fame. Need to get out. Coworker to Mal A Peterson. Check out my ad. Coworker to Mal A Peterson.

Did you ever think that you would, that's how I would describe you? I never did. Yeah, but that's what you are now. Life surprises us. Life, it truly does, and I hope it continues to, because it's wonderful when everything just comes out of the blue and surprises you, isn't it?

Yeah. John! You know, it's a very sad thing that a lot of people that I help fake their deaths, who out of boredom, once they shave their heads and they see themselves in the mirror, You know, it's a very sad thing that a lot of people that I help fake their deaths who out of boredom, once they shave their heads and they see themselves in the mirror, they realize, oh, I just wanted something different. But it's too late. So the shaving the head part would have been different enough for them.

They should have just done that on their own, but the dyer's been cast and they're Joe Schmo now, baby. Well, we need to get to our next guest and his name is not Joe Schmo. So that leads me to believe he's not one of your former clients. That should be a permanent intro for you. Okay, great. Yes, forever. Every episode we ever do. He's a tourist. Please welcome to the show for the first time, Carmine back on tour. Hey, yo, yo, what's good? What's up, Scott? Good to see you, my man.

Good to see you. How are you? Yo, ain't nothing changed, you know what I mean? Holding it down. BK to the fullest. I rocked all those from state to state. Word up. That was a lot of information. So BK, meaning Brooklyn, you're to the fullest? Yeah, yeah.

You're from Brooklyn? All day, BK to the fullest. Yeah, full of all of me. I'm assuming he's not Burger King, which would be a competitor of Arby's. Yeah, no doubt, no doubt. But the fullness would make sense. That's true, yeah. I mean, they have the Whopper.

They have the Whopper. Yeah, yeah, double patties and all that. Yo, what's up, my man? I seen you at Arby's, yo. I'm on the way to the restaurant. I'm on the way to the restaurant. I'm on the way to the restaurant. I'm on the way to the restaurant. I. But the fullness would make sense. That's true, yeah. I mean, they have the whopper. They have the whopper. Yeah, yeah, double patties and all that. Yeah. Yo, what's up, my man?

I seen you at Arby's, yo, I was up there. I was the one dude up in there when I was visiting, you know what I mean? I hope you enjoyed your time at Arby's. No, I ain't like it, man. What can I have done to make the experience different? I don't know what's going on up in there. I'm looking for some girls, I'm looking for some ladies, but I ain't seen nothing, shorty, you know what I mean?

That was the wrong place to be. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. No one goes in there. They told me there'd be some girls, I'm looking for some ladies, but I ain't seen none shorty, you know what I mean? That was the wrong place to be. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? No one goes in there. They told me there'd be some girls at the Arby's, whatever that. Who told you that? Fin Reims told me, man. Oh, because he's the guy who's-

Oh, the meats. We have the meats. He got the meats. You wanted a meats cutie. Oh, that's what you thought, you thought meats meant girls in the Arby's? Yeah, something like that. We got the meats?

Yeah, yeah. Just reading between the lines. Hey man, hey look, man, I don't know if y'all, I don't know if you remember me, I was here before. Oh, you were here before? Yeah, you don't know, you don't remember me? Was it your name, Carmine, back on tour? Yeah, I was here shorty back in 2018, my man.

Oh, okay, yeah, it's great to have you back on the show. Somebody else, couple white girls, it was crazy, you know what I mean? Some meats. That was good, you from New York too? I am from New York City, yes. Where you from to the show? Somebody else, couple white girls, it was crazy. You know what I mean? Some meats. That was good. You're from New York too? I am from New York City, yes. Where are you from?

BX? I am from the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Oh, I thought you were from BX. Yeah, is there a cool sort of urban nickname for the Upper West Side? That's where Gossip Girl was filmed. That's where Gossip Girl was. XO. Never tried this stuff.

The GG or something like that. XOXOs. I don't know nothing about that shorty Okay jungles, you know, I mean, yeah jungles is raw out there, you know, foreign Rockaway Queens Manhattan Brooklyn was that So you're from all those places? Those are that's a lot of yeah You know I go around I go around see things, you know, I'm saying oh, yeah Okay, what did we talk about on the show before? Oh, you know, so basically, you know, I'm a virgin. I mean, my dad was a virgin.

Oh, okay, okay. Okay, yeah, my dick has never been touched. You know what I'm saying? I'm clean, I'm pure, purified, gold. Not even by yourself? Nah, Shorty, I mean, I never do. That must be hard when you're in a public restroom. A couple times, a couple times, you know what I'm saying?

But, you know, since the last- I guess I know what you're saying. You know what I'm saying? I guess, I don't, honestly, I'm a little confused. I what you're saying. You know what I'm saying? I guess. Honestly, I'm a little confused. I feel you shorty. You know what I'm saying? I'm almost 40 years old, but I ain't never been touched.

Oh yeah, I'm like that dude, you know? The 40-year-old version that I can. So since last we talked, if you don't remember. I don't remember. I'm so sorry. It's all good, baby. So you know I go on tour, whatever. I mean, I don't remember. I don't remember, I'm so sorry. It's all good, baby. So, you know, I go on tour, whatever, you know, it's short. I mean, I don't, but yeah.

Since then, I got hired to work for Trip Advisor, you know what I'm saying? So I get to go travel and all of that. Oh, great. So you review things for Trip Advisor or? Yeah, I go travel and then I tell people if the city's dope, you know. So when I met Scott for the first time,

I was just in LA. They let me come in the studio, talk to the people. Wait, so you were working for TripAdvisor then and you came into the- No, no. I was just trying to- You're just touring LA. Yeah, yeah, now I make a living doing it.

Congratulations, that's amazing. Carmine back on tour. Is that city dope? Just out of pure acidity? With LA? LA, yeah. It's tough out here, you know what I'm saying? That's amazing. Carmine back onto it. Is that city dope? Just out of pure acidity? With LA? LA, yeah. You know, it's tough out here, you know what I'm saying? Especially for a virgin, you know?

They don't get a lot of love out here. It's tough out here for pimps and for virgins. It's tough. You're just hanging around the armies looking for meat. Sometimes pimps be trying to pimp me out. You know what I mean? Trying to pimp out a virgin. They're like, oh, you want a virgin?

I'm like, look, man, my sanctity is pure, you know what I'm saying? Why are you a virgin? Is this out of a desire to remain so until you're married or is it …? Nah, nobody wants to have sex with me, man. It's just a problem. I don't know what's wrong with me. No one wants to get up, no. You're involuntarily celibate. Yeah, yeah.

Have you considered shaving your entire body and changing your name to Joe Schmoe? Oh shit, shorty, you know what I mean? Yo, my man, he used to do that back in the day, you know what I'm saying? He shaved his body like that. My homie over in a foreign world, you know, Yonkers, yeah, yeah, yeah. One of the cities up there, you know what I'm saying? In the Westgate.

Wait, this is someone, this is one of your former clients or? Nah, just a man, just a man that I knew, you know what I mean? He shaved his entire body as a body. Yeah, the man on the block, you know what it is. He from New York, you know, just cats out there, you know, doing crazy stuff.

He's from the Upper West Side, I don't know if that's really. He got the chopped cheese, the West Side, you know what I'm saying, the Big Met out there, right? You know what I mean? The stairs, sitting on the stairs. You sitting on a staircase? You want to sit on a staircase with me, shorty? Or your shorty?

Why are you calling us shorty? Your buddy shorty. Yes, I'm gonna need a clarification. You're 7'1", so you're on the shorty. Everyone's short to me, you clarification. You're seven one, so you're on the shorty. Everyone's short to me, I mean. Yo, my man, that, you know, that, that shamp, what is it called, the shake, the shake you had?

Jamoka. Jamoka shake. So, Jamoka, yeah, that- Lethal in the wrong hands. On God, that shit had me right, you know what I'm saying, on God, yeah. You're welcome. You ordered one when you were at shorty, or at Arby's. Yeah, shorty Arby's. Shorty's is next to Arby's.

Right, yeah. Yeah, I ordered one of them, you know, because I was feeling tired, I was trying to keep my stamina right, just in case somebody wanna get the flower, or I would wanna get the flower. Yeah, but it's just never happened for you. No, man, I got close a couple times during the pandemic, it was a couple people, but we got a little scared. During a pandemic, that's hard to get close to someone,

everyone was taking themselves out of the mix. Yeah, but not me. I was outside, you know what I'm saying? I was outside, Shorty. I never stay inside. You can't keep me inside. I'm a tourist. I go around.

I travel. Oh, you don't have a home? No, well, yeah. Don't talk about that. I travel. That's what I do. I'm a travel, I'm an advisor for Tripp. Well, it must be hard also to be in a home.

You're 7'1", which is higher than most ceilings. Yeah, shorty, yeah. Yeah, you know what? It's a tough life. I'm so proud, because I know the ladies like a tall man. You know what I mean? Sure. They like a tall guy.

There's limits there. You know what I'm saying? But I put it on the apps, dating apps don't work. I don't know if you got any ladies, got any people that work for y'all or whatever. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if y'all got any ladies I mean, you know, I got any people that work for y'all or whatever. Yeah I mean, I I don't know any ladies myself John you probably know a few ladies. Yes, I know some ladies I don't and I have some ladies working for me. That being said, I don't think it would be appropriate. Oh Rock those from state to state worried up. Yeah Man, no worries, man. No worries.

God, peace, God, peace. Hey, I was gonna ask you a question. So my man, you said you did that podcast on the Contra for anyone. Yes, yes. Did they talk about the crack, how that's connected to the crack episode? Yes, they did.

Yeah, you're sure they had that whole, they flooded the whole block with crack. Exactly. Crack killed. Well, it was, just so you know, know, we didn't do it on purpose. It just sort of happened. No, what happened was the the the the arms, the arms, the planes that they were hiring to take arms down to the Contra just were empty down there. And they thought, well, we should bring something back. And so they brought crack cocaine.

So, you know, it's just, they were trying, exactly. No, they were trying to be environmentally conscious because the plane had to make the run back. Yeah, the carbon emissions. If those planes are too light, they'll float away. Yeah. It's just like into the sun, much like the nuclear weapons that Superman threw up there.

That Superman is very similar. They use the crack cocaine for ballast much like Belgian blocks in the ancient sailing ships Yes, that was the argument at the time. We all know what you're talking about. It's what I should be. You know what I mean? Yo Superman, shout out to Superman. Shout out to Superman. Yeah, that's a good point. Yo, Superman, another, I think he was also a version of Word Up. Oh yeah. Now that you mention it. Never seen him fuck anybody.

Well, there was Superman 2, wasn't there a, didn't they hint? Yeah, that they had sex, although if he has invulnerable skin, I don't know how he has any feeling. I believe they had sex after he renounced his superpowers. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. All right, that's what's up. Because otherwise he would have destroyed Lois Lane's body.

But then he kisses her and gives her, it's like an amnesia kiss. Right. Because she forgets the fact that he's Clark Kent once he kisses her or something like that. Oh yeah, Shorty, I remember that. And he flew out the balcony after that. I can't remember exactly his mode of transportation for getting away from that situation, But Superman, Superman went in the same, you know what I'm saying? What we both got an S tattooed on our chest. Oh, you do? Yeah. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

I don't think it's tattooed on. I got an S tattooed for sure. You know what I mean? Oh, that's high up there. So I can't quite see it. Have a seat by the way, you can sit down. Yeah, okay, let me sit down here. All right, cool. Oh, you have a very short torso. Yeah, my torso is tiny. Your legs are very long. Very long.

Look, I'm all stretched out, my man. But I got to tell you what, you know what I'm saying? I got the booty hair too. I got a lot of it. What does that mean? I got a lot of booty hair. So you know what I'm saying? I want a woman to know that that's something they're going got a lot of booty hair. So you know what I'm saying?

I want a woman to know that that's something they're gonna have to see when they have sex for the first time. Is it just centered around the anus? Or is it the entire? Yeah, right in the anus. That's where you want it. When you get your clients,

do you have a lot of tickling back there? You think it's the hair? Or is it something else going on? A lot of people laugh, yeah. Yeah? Yeah. It's just a little tingle. When I'm shaving around the area. Because sometimes I'll have to trim the anus hair,

but of course I won't shave it. Right, but you'll hear a lot of tee-hees and. Oh-ho-ho. Sure, yeah, the various ways. Ah-dee-ah-dee-ah-dee-hoo, yeah. My booty hole be like, do-do-do-do-do, yeah. I rocked all those from state to state. Word up.

My man, yo, you're from New York, man. What's good, shorty? Well, there's a lot of good things in New York City. I feel like we're not from the same city, word up. You have a line in common. Exactly. I mean, I don't know whether you're a virgin. I've never speculated on it.

No, I am not. I have a son. Congrats. I have a son. Congrats. Oh, wow. I have a couple of sons, actually. God bless, God bless. So there, the 23-year-old son. So he's had sex two more times than you.

So I had sex 24 years ago. Yeah, so what's it like? You know what I mean? What am I missing? Um, you know how when you're on a roller coaster and they- I never did that. You never did on a roller coaster? Wow, okay. Okay, go on a roller coaster first. Yeah. Before I have sex, okay. Yeah, see if you like that. He might be too tall You never did a roller coaster. Wow. Okay.

Go on a roller coaster first. Yeah. Before I have sex. Yeah, see if you like that. Yes. He might be too tall to go on a roller coaster. Oh, no. That's right.

Oh, my God. I didn't know that goes two ways. Could be very dangerous. That you can be tall. Too tall. Yeah, but just being too shorty. Yeah. That's heartbreaking.

Well, keep going. Tell me about your conceptions. I don't think they're immaculate, but yeah, I mean, hopefully you did a good job, but I don't know that. I felt I did a superior job. I felt like I really brought it, as they say. It resulted in the thing you want to come out of it. Yes. Childhood.

That's the only purpose of making love. Of making love, exactly. It is the, that is the expression of God's love. What were you gonna say about the roller coaster though? Of God's love. I don't remember. So it's like when you get on one, it's fun. Yeah, there you go. It's fun except that your penis is inside their vagina. Wow.

Yeah. Other than that. It's like that. It's like that. It's like a roller coaster except that your penis is in your vagina. I'm gonna have to try that, you know what I mean? Like, you know, I think I'm gonna do it. You know, it's been, it's been a long time, you know. Well, it's been, how old are you? I'm almost 40, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. So it's, yeah. It's been a long time. You got- Well, how old are you? I'm almost 40, yeah.

Yeah, that's right, yeah. So yeah, it's been too long. And last time I was here, I met a young lady. She was a male woman and she was fly. She was bad, like straight, just mocha skin, looked like the shake from the Arby's. And we went on, I think we even got married on that. Oh, I don't remember.

Who was that? Oh, you don't remember, who was that? You don't remember this, Scott? Congratulations. You don't remember none of this. I mean, look, I'm sure it was a great episode. I couldn't wait to see you again, my dude. Look, I apologize. I tried to remember all my guests, but something.

I've been telling everybody on the plane, I was riding the plane, I said, yo, first thing I'm gonna do is see my man Scott, ah, you know what I mean, ah. I apologize. You know what I mean? But you got married to one of our guests? Yeah, yeah, you know I'm gonna do is see my man Scott Ack. You know what I mean? Ack. I apologize. You know what I mean? But you got married to one of our guests. Yeah, yeah, you know, it didn't work out.

You know, she was trying to rush me, you know. I wasn't ready to give up, you know. But now you're ready. I'm ready. It's been a long time, you know, a long time. Word up, you know. So we're going, you know, for all the listeners out there, if you wanna have sex with me, let me know.

You know, I'll be at the office with Ali. Ali, what's up? What you doing? You listen to me, Doug I'm so sorry. I'm looking up some information about our friend Would you be surprised to know That Carmine was originally a 48 year old virgin and he also was seeking a life partner below his own height of 4 feet 11 inches. Oh wait a minute, so are you Benjamin Buttoning both your age and height? Yo shorty, I'm telling you, when you don't have sex, crazy things happen.

So you're getting younger as well as taller. I'm getting younger and I'm getting taller. Last time I was there I was 4 feet, you know what I mean? 38. 38. Yeah, now I'm 38. Now you're 39. Now I'm 39, seven feet.

And I understand you married Scott's postal worker, E Dream Vignette? That's right, that's right. That was her. Don't bring her up though because that's a painful memory. I mean, she tried to touch me immediately, word up. As soon as we got back to that post office truck, she was like, pull your pants down. I was like, hold on, shorty, hold on.

You know what I'm saying? I'm a virgin, we gotta take this slow. And it didn't work out, you know what I mean? But, see, I think that she was trying, I think that maybe there's hope for you guys. I'm sorry that it was trauma for you. I don't know that you're ready now, quite honestly. I don't think you wanna have sex.

Like anyone can have sex. I mean, yo, you know, maybe I'm scared, Scott. You know what I mean? Maybe I'm afraid. Maybe it's been so long that I don't, you know, I'm afraid I know it's just too late. You know what I'm saying Shorty? Fuck, fuck this.

Hey Charlie, why you making the New York brother cry? You know what I'm saying? You know we don't cry in a concrete jungle, word up, you know what I mean? You know what I'm saying John? What's happening? I'm right there, but I weep openly. How is this man supposed to rock to a little

show state to state? That's right. If he's crying. Yes. Well, yeah I think that maybe that's something I need to consider that I should just do it. Maybe I'll go to a prostitution. Either do it or be fine with not doing it.

The thing about not doing it is then you become special for not doing it. Once you do it, then you're not the special guy who didn't do it. Exactly. You could have a perfect record. We could call our good friend Fred Guinness and be like, man, it takes the longest time for not having sex.

Oldest virgin. This is probably a better way to say it. The oldest virgin, yeah. Oldest virgin. I wonder how old the oldest virgin is right now. I mean, there's only one way to find out and that's to call Fred Guinness. Here, let me call him here.

Dial in the number. You don't have to say that well, by the way. It's giving me a big ego boost. I appreciate it. No, I do that whenever anybody. I understand. It's ringing. It's ringing. You're good for getting us. Hey, friend.

Scotty. Hey, Scott Auggerman of Comedy Big Big. What's up, my man? Who are you hanging out with? Well, today I'm hanging out with John Cryer, you know, for giddiness. Hey, Fred! Scotty! Hey, Scott Ogerman of Comedy Big Big. What's up, my man? Who you hanging out with? Well, today I'm hanging out with John Cryer, you know, from... Whoa!

Yeah, Two and a Half Men and... Superman 4, The Quest for Peace? Yeah, of course, yeah. And also, Carmine Back on Tour is here. Yo, what up, BK? Hey, what's going on, Carmine? To the five boroughs! Yes.

New York, Queens, Manhattan, Ha, Ha, no. Nope. Queens, Manhattan. Bronx, Staten Island. The Lancy Street. I mean, uh. Yancey Street.

Yonkers. The Baxter Building. It's corporate time. Chinatown. Baxter. A little Tokyo. Sure. Figueroa.

Yeah, well we have a question for you. Allie Peterson is also here. Oh, hey there. This one's criminal, right? Yeah. That's correct, Fred. And we have a question for you. Is there an entry- Shoot.

By the way, John, this is Fred Guinness who runs the Guinness Book of World Records. Yes. He's out there in- He's well known. In Ireland, of course. Right. Is that right? And we had a question for you about, do you have a section in the book of oldest virgin male? Oh, boy. Everyone wants to go to the dirty section.

There ain't nothing dirty about being a virgin, word up. You know what I mean? Well, sex related, I guess. That's what I meant. Although it's non-sex related. It's actually one of the cleanest things that, cleanest entries that could be in your book. Good point. Yeah. So is it in there? Of course it is. How old, can I ask, because we have Carmine here, used to be 48, but now he's 39. Word up, word up.

How old is the oldest male virgin? Yeah, I'm trying to hit the world record, word up. My man Rod Dolos from state to state. Yeah, that's important information. Can you also look that phrase up, tell me what it means, Shorty? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right, let me flip through here.

Two fat guys in the motorcycles. Yeah, how are they doing, by the way? They've, I'm sorry to say they've passed on. That's right. God bless y'all, praise this dude. I am sorry. What happened with that dog, oldest dog? Oh, Bobby.

Yeah, you had to rescind it, right? Oh, that was a real black eye for the Guinness Book. We did have to rescind it. Yeah. He was not the dog, oldest dog? Oh, Bobby. Yeah, you had to rescind it. That was a real black eye for the Guinness Book. We did have to rescind it. Yeah. He was not the world's oldest dog. That title is still held by Bluey, the Australian cattle dog who has also passed on. And Bobby turns out just like shit. Right.

Young dog looks like shit. Young dog looks like shit. Okay. He does hold the record for youngest dog who looks like shit. Well, that's something that leaves a gap. All right. Let's see. A lady with curly fingernails, almost there. Oh, I know that girl. I thought that was a guy with the crazy long fingernails. He has passed on. Oh gosh. Yeah. Praise his Duke. When people pass on- And the lady with the curly fingernails has also passed on very recently. Oh no. It's always terrible when we lose a member of the Guinness family.

Yes, this is a broad bad. Robert Wadlow, the world's tallest man for a long time. Wait, how tall? Because now Carmine back on tour is 7'1". Yeah, well he was the world's tallest man for a long time, but this was a very long time ago, so he was 6'1". Oh, shabby. That dude is a shorty.

But he was in the book for so long. He was in the book for so long. He was part of the Guinness family. Yes But he was in the book for so long. He was in the book for so long. He's part of the Guinness family. He's part of the Guinness family. You can see a life-size recreation of him outside Ripley's, believe it or not, our rival publication.

Yeah, that's one of my trip-a-fizer spots. I had to pull up on him. Oh, what'd you think? Yeah, what'd you think? The Ripley's Museum. It was garbage, yo, word up, garbage. Yeah, that's not a real dinosaur. Yeah, I went to it once,

and literally I was through it in five minutes. Yeah, and it's like you walk in, you walk right out. It's crazy. It's crazy. All right, when do we get to this section of the book? Here we go. All right, oldest living virgin. Oh, it has to be living, male.

Yes, oh, well, I gave you both. Oh, okay, yeah, that'd be great. Deadest, oldest virgin. Deadest, oldest virgin. Deadest, oldestest Virgin. Deadest, Oldest Virgin. Deadest, Oldest, My Head Is Like A Shark's Fin. I don't know what that is. If I'm not much mistaken, that is the closing song from Deep Blue Sea by LL Cool J.

It's LL Cool J. Ladies love Cool J. Straight from New York. New York City. Oldest, Deadest, My Head Is Like head is like a shark fin from a figure from Queens Manhattan Brooklyn QN All right, as I say as I saucy all right, let's see here. Okay oldest and deadest virgin

Alright, let's see here. Okay, oldest and deadest virgin. It's a tie. It's a tie. Amazing. The two fat guys on the motorcycles. Oh, that stands to reason. They wouldn't get off their motorcycles. They were twins. No, they were dedicated. They were twins. What if they smashed together on the bike while they was on there?

And their penises were inserted do each other's anuses? They would have not been purchased anymore. Right, yeah. Yeah. Oh, but wait, technically, it does anal... Wait a minute. Whoa, hey, wait. As far as John Cryer's concerned, anal doesn't count. This is why I'm stopping the presses on this. Yo, stop the press. Yo, where's that? Wait, whoa.

Where the press at? So how old were they? Hold on a second, John. Do you one of these guys think soaking is okay? Oh snap, I was gonna try that. I was dating a Mormon chick. We was gonna do soaking, cause I figured maybe that should ease my way into it.

Were you gonna have a friend jump on the bed? Yeah, I had my man do it. You know what I'm saying? My homie, Gareth, he came through, jump on the bed, yo, he was like 300 jumped on the bed, he was like 300 pounds. You know, he was, he knocked this out at like me. This wasn't one of the fat guys on the motorcycles, was it? What's they name?

Was he wearing a cowboy hat and aviator frames? I told him not to wear that shit too. That was the biggest issue. I'm like, if you're gonna come do this, then come dress right. Don't dress like a fucking cowboy. What the, what am I supposed to do with that? How old were they and how dead are they?

They lived to be 120. Oh. Shit, that's a buck 20. Where are they? Yeah, and how dead are they? 120%? They're 1,000% dead. Wow, okay.

Wait, hold on a second. Why am I giving this information? Yeah, Al, what are you doing? Yeah, Al, what's going on? You're taking my job. Oh, come on, ow. Yes, they were not 120 years old. Ow, come on, don't fuck with me. They were in their 90s, but they are 1000% dead.

Yeah, I don't think you're ever gonna get there, Carmine, because you're getting younger. Yeah, yeah, so I gotta go all the way down to zero then come back up. Yeah. Well, do you wanna know your competition way down to zero and then come back. Yeah. Well, do you want to know your competition? Because I can give you the oldest living version. Oh yeah, that would be great.

Oh yeah, word up. Yeah. Yeah. It's a guy named Roger Tankersley. He lives in Greenwich, Connecticut, and he is 102 years old. Oh shit, man. Shorty. So he ain't never been touched. Never been touched. Never. And he's still alive. And he's still alive.

But he might have sex, so then- It's true. Then you might then be in the- Clear the field for him. Yeah. So here's what I- But you also have to live to 102, sorry. Well, no, I think-

So I hope you're living right. I think 39 is probably the next. I do have Crohn's disease too, so that's also a problem. Oh, okay. That's also a problem. 39 is probably the next, because if 102 has sex, suddenly it goes down to 39. You're the oldest. Bam.

And so what you're doing is you're trying to get the right age for your child. And you're trying to get the right age for your child. And you're trying to get the right age for your child. And you're trying to get the right age for your child. And you're trying to get the right age for your child. And you're trying to get the right age for your child. And you're trying to get the right. Oh, okay. That's also a problem. 39 is probably the next, because if 102 has sex, suddenly it goes down to 39, you're the oldest. Bam. And so what you have to do is you have to like honeypot this guy, lure him into having sex somehow.

Man, what you're saying sounds real sweet, Scott. Yo, let's make it happen. Yo, my man, we get some R.B.'s, give us a little R.B.'s, we'll make it all happen. Yeah, is this address in the book? Of course it is. Can we send some meat? If you flip to the back, everybody's address all. Yeah, is this address in the book? Of course it is. Can we send some meat? If you flip to the back, everybody's address,

all record holders addresses are in the book. Okay, good. You got a, oh, you went, it's my bad. I was talking, I thought I, you was talking about Arby's. You had the addresses at Arby's. You all have addresses there of people? Actually, we do have addresses at Arby's. You do?

Of Arby's customers? Yeah, I gotta put that in the IRE. Anything you want. That's part of the contract. We don't advertise it. It's sort of an off menu thing, but if you come into an Arby's, that's for any address. It's like the off-menu of the Supermenu of the Internet. Exactly.

It's all about how the government put crack in the hood. They was using that Arby's address. That did that to me. Wow. Okay. You know what I mean? You put me on your podcast, Doc. I got some truth to tell.

Wait, that's what this is about? You just want to be on his podcast? I got some shit to talk about. You're on this podcast. Yo, yo, yo, you don't even remember me, shorty. You know what I mean? That's a good point. Ain't no love. Ain't no love. what this is about. You just want to be on his podcast. I got some, I got some shit to talk about. You're on this podcast. Yo, yo, yo, you don't even remember me, shorty.

That's a good point. Ain't no love, ain't no love in the heart of the city. That's a good point. John Cryerud would remember you if you were on his podcast. I can't wait to get back to New York, you know what I mean? That's what they truly love, you know, all the boroughs love me, you know what I'm saying? Queens, Manhattan, Brooklyn. Now, let me ask you, Carmine, are you going to,

are you going to, on your way back to New York, will you rock dolos from state to state? Man, I rock dolos from state to state. Ha ha, I work it out no matter where I go, you know what I'm saying? Like, work it out, yeah, baby, you know, it don't matter, you know what I'm saying? It's like, wherever I'm at, I got dolos, state to state. I think we know what you're saying.

Yeah, that's right. You were pretty clear that time. Yeah, kind of. I don't know what dolos are necessarily, and I don't think you knew either, but. No, I don't think you need to. I don we know what you're saying. Pretty clear that time. I don't know what dolos are necessarily and I don't think you knew either. No, I don't think you need to. I don't think you need to. Yeah, it's something. We can extrapolate.

It's definitely something. I know that you could be wrong. If I had to guess, I'd take their pants. Yeah. It's a good guess, honestly. It's an educated guess. Hey Fred, thank you so much for answering these questions for us.

You got any time, Scott. I love talking to you and I love being on the phone. Yeah, yeah, someday we got to meet in person by the way, but, uh, are you hanging out with Jason Mandukas when he goes out there to Dublin? I think he mentioned he was going to see you. Absolutely. Yeah. He's going to see you and Byron. I can't wait.

Yeah. You and Byron. What's going on with the Queen or with, uh, Princess? Kate Middleton? Kate Middleton. Yeah. Do you have any ideas? Uh, I don't know how much I'm allowed to say.

Is she in the book? Yo, stop the press. She is, well, you know about the dark records, of course. Sure, the dark records. Yeah. Oh, you got the dark, yo, let's hear some facts on the dark records. Okay, well, all right, here it is.

She holds the record for most disfigured royal. Oh no. Oh shit. So there's some- And there's been some pretty disfigured royal in the past. Absolutely. So that's saying something. You got to, Richard III had that hunchback.

Yeah. Well, most of them were born that way, but she was disfigured in a- A wheat thresher or something? It was a Xerox accident. She was gonna do that fun thing where you put your face on a photocopier. Yes. But it wasn't a photocopier.

Oh no, what did it turn out to be? It was a waffle maker. Oh, that's such a common mistake. And then she did the other side. Oh, damn. That's not a good one. God, man. That's terrible.

She was trying to even it out. Yeah, well, we heard about it here. Gosh, amazing. All right, well, we're breaking news here. I appreciate that, Fred. Breaking news in Rockandolos. Okay, Fred, we'll talk to you later. Guinness out. God, so. We'll talk to you later

So good to talk to Fred Guinness Al thank you so much, of course It's weird when you started reciting those I mean I got so excited I had to jump in Cuz you were kind of quiet during I was I was well, I didn't want to be rude But I'm ashamed that I was so wrong Criminal right there Yeah, well, hey guys, want to be rude, but I'm ashamed that I was so wrong. Smooth criminal right there. Smooth criminal. Yeah. Well, hey guys, we're running out of time here, if that would surprise you.

We only have time for one final feature, and that is of course a little something called Plugs. Plugs. Because it's time for Plugs, it turns me on. It turns me on Because it's time for plugs Plugs I'm certain you cleared that with Paul McCartney. Oh yeah, no, I called up George Harrison actually.

Great. Wrote that, so I called Danny up and cleared that. That was beautiful. That was gorgeous. Because it's time for Plugs by Rosie and the Trucks. Thank you to Rosie and the Trucks. If you have a Plugs theme, head over to CBBworld.com slash plugs and upload it to us. If it's an opening the plug bag theme

or a closing the plug bag remix, and you can be famous for a week and Rosie and the Trucks, you are famous. And guys, what are we plugging? John obviously extended family season finale out this Tuesday. Yes, yes. Big fun. Our St. Patrick's Day episode was great fun.

Really? What happened in the St. Patrick's Day episode? No, although don't spoil it, I guess. No, I don't want to spoil it. But no, my character is- Did a leprechaun come in the St. Patrick's Day episode? Although don't spoil it, I guess. No, I don't want to spoil it. Did a leprechaun come in? No. No, my character is very proud of his Irish heritage and not happy that people celebrate it by barfing in the street. So he decides to...

He goes and stays in his room all the time. Sad. He ignites the spirit of St. Patrick's Day, the true spirit of St. Patrick's Day. Wow, okay. Big fun. But yes, I've got that and then my podcast, Lawyers, Guns and Money. This is a fascinating story. I gotta check this out.

And apparently Carmine back on tour is gonna be a guest on this show. Is that what I'm hearing? Oh yeah, we're gonna talk about the crack, you know what I mean? They put the whole block was flooded, you know, around and wagon and all that. Ain't never gonna forget it, never.

Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry about that, by the way. Any plugs for you? You ain't gotta apologize, you ain, around and waking and all that. I ain't never gonna forget it. Never. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry about that, but. Any plugs for you? You ain't gotta apologize, you ain't do it cuz. For me, yeah, word up. Yo, check it out, you know I'm from New York, you know what I mean? Word up.

That's been heavily established at this point. Which borough is that? I'm not sure. I'm not, yes, which one can we go through them? Brooklyn, Queens, man. BX though. BX is the birthplace of hip hop. So I want to plug this album I heard and it was a beautiful album that got me through

a lot of my virginity because it's about sensitivity and all that. This artist, his name is Lamar Woods and he got this album called Highly Sensitive Person. Word up. It's for all the sensitive brothers out there. You can listen to it anywhere. Yeah. On Apple, Spotify, all that. All the platforms.

This is a legitimate hip hop album that this person Lamar Woods, who is someone I know by the way, I don't know if that surprises you, but. Oh, you know some rapper? Yeah. He's a cool brother, you know the cool cats out here. Yeah, he is an interesting guy.

He's like an improviser, I believe, at the UCB. Yeah, he does like a little comedy, but this like full hip hop, he's really rapping. Yeah, full like, he's, I've heard him described as the second best UCB rapper. Yeah, it works out, you know what I'm saying? I think he rocks those as well. But I do think, I was surprised, check this out, I did hear some skits on the album, you know what I mean?

So there were some comedians like Doughboyz was on the album, you know, some funny cats. Are they comedians? Yeah. Uh, uh. Uh, to each your own. So, uh. Human and subjective.

But if you like comedy, if you would like Lamar for his comedy, you can still have fun time with him. And what's it called again? It's called. It's called Highly Sensitive Person. For, you know what I'm saying? Lamar Woods.

Especially for a brother like me, a virgin. Highly sensitive person. It got me through a tough time. And you could also check, yeah, that's it. That's all I got. Check out the album. Check out the album, that's incredible. I gotta hear that. It just came out, but somehow got you through some tough times.

Yeah, word up, just came out. But got you through a tough time. You were having a tough time yesterday, I guess? Yeah, I was having a tough time, yeah, last night. I put it on, it went on Spotify, and it got me through the day, you know. Wonderful. LA Peterson, what are we plugging? Well, you know, this comedian, Paul F. Tompkins, who is the third best UCB rapper. I had no idea about that. He's never, ever talked about this. It's a steep drop off from number two to number three. Okay, yeah. He's on tour with his show, Varietopia.

Oh yeah. And there's a bunch of dates. He's gonna be in Portland, Oregon, Seattle, Washington, BK, Brooklyn, New York. Right, yeah. Okay, what up? Waldeburg, Maine, Portsmouth, New Hampshire, Boston, Alexandria, Virginia, Philadelphia, Cleveland,

St. Paul, Minnesota, Chicago, San Francisco, Charleston, South Carolina. Go to pauleftomkins.com slash live for all the ticket links. And this is a great show, Varietopia. It's Paul F. Tompkins doing comedy as well as musical acts and sketches and characters. It's a variety show. Yeah. Yeah. The first couple of syllables of that should tip you off to that. It's a little hint. Yeah. Yeah. It's a clue for all you poi-ros out there. Poi-ro. I want to plug, hey, head over to CBBworld.com and we have some great shows out there. Neighborhood Listen is over there coming back very, very soon, maybe even next week, I

think. And we also have, Scott Hasn't Seen, my movie podcast where Sprague the Whisperer and I review movies that I haven't seen before. And we should do Hiding Out, because I never got to see Hiding Out, I was never allowed to. You deserve it. I deserve it.

It's a gift to yourself. You should be on that episode. Sure, have to. Why were you not allowed to see Hiding Out? Was it rated R or was it PG? It might've been, no, it wasn't rated R. It must've been PG-30. Yeah, no, it was a back in high school movie.

It's got some iffy politics nowadays, but- Really? Yeah, oh yes. So it was like a what, like a Trump movie? No. Yes. Go stop the press. It was like Home Alone 2?

No, it was a guy back in high school, but he does fall in love with a high school girl. He handles it very chastely, but it's still gross. But he does fall in love with her. In retrospect. Yeah. That's cool, right? Yes, that's cool.

Sure, yeah. I don't want to spoil the ending, but is it made okay by the fact that she is also hiding out? That should be the sequel, where revisionist takes care of all the politics where it's like, bam, hey, I was hiding out too.

Bam. And it's cool that we fell in love. Just an off-camera voice as the credits roll. Yeah, hey, by the way. We also have ad-free episodes of this show and all the backlog episodes of this show, as well as Freedom. Freedom is back on Thursdays.

Myself, Paul F. Tompkins and Lauren Lapkus. It's our show where we just hang out. So much good stuff over there. If you subscribe for a month, that's cool. If you subscribe for the year, you can get two months free. We also have action figures, the CBB book, so much stuff going on. So head on over to CBBworld.com and hopefully I'll have some news about a potential other tour after the Varietopia Tour coming up. Alright, let's close up the old plug bag. We, for 10 years, we've been hearing terrible, terrible songs for the past 10 years. That can't be true.

That is true. Every year you sing a song for opening, but we're closing the plug back. I am literally so mortified. Correct your behavior. I hear you like beer. Here we go. C, L. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo What is he? What is he? What is he? What is he? What is he? What is he? What is he?

What is he? What is he? What is he? What is he? What is he? What is he? What is he? What is he?

What is he? What is he? What is he? What is he? What is he? What is he? What is he? What is he?

What is he? What is he? What is he? What is he? What is he? What is he? the spirit of the law, not the letter of the law in that case. But thank you so much. That was Dude, He Plugged a Dell by Mr. Holland Oatspuss. Thank you so much to them. And John, I want to thank you so much. It's so great to see you again. And thank you for being on the show. You were a wonderful addition, proud member of the one-timers club. Yes. Yes. The pleasure was entirely mine. It really was because I had some. You guys, no. You're taking all my pleasure?

I want you to think about it. I want you to think about it. All right. Really think about it. Go back and think about it. Okay. you to think about it. All right. Really think about it. Go back and think about it. But wonderful to see you. Good luck with all this. And even though I don't really like plugging other podcasts on this one.

I understand. Because I don't like the attention to swing over to them. I do hope- For even a moment. I know. It does sound like a fascinating one. So I'll give a special dispensation to the listeners to go ahead and listen to that one. Thank you.

And hey, Carmine, back on tour. Great to have you. Yeah, wear it out, wear it out. I'm gonna remember you next time, I swear.. Thank you. And hey, Carmine, back on tour. Great to have you. Yeah, wear it out, wear it out. I'm gonna remember you next time, I swear. I'll be back, yeah, I'll be back. I've got another trip in about two weeks. Two weeks?

I don't know that I can get you on that soon. How about another four years? What do you say? Four years from now, I'll come back. It'll be like Dr. Drake dropping out. Yeah, and LA Peterson. Muuuh. What's up, what's that noise? I don't know. Do you have a sense of ennui about your RV situation right now?

I do. I think it's time to take a sabbatical from my RV. You're going to go back to your previous occupation? I think so. Yeah. Yeah. I think I've gotten perspective on it now. You do.

Okay, wonderful. Yeah. I mean, we miss you. I may consider- I miss you too. Honestly, I might need your services at some point. Really? Yeah. Circumstances in my life have changed. I have, you know, a newcomer to my household and the pressure of that-

Was it Nicole Bayer or Lauren Lackett? Newcomers. Scott Ackerman's house. All right. We'll see you next time, thanks, bye!