Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Jon Hamm, Lily Sullivan, Devin Field

Episode Date: September 12, 2022

Professional actor Jon Hamm joins Scott to talk about his role in Top Gun: Maverick, his new film Confess, Fletch, and performing in a production of Ordinary People at the University of Missouri. Then, diarist Bridget Jones stops by to read some new entries from her diary. Plus, travel guide Steve Spinx drops by to share some travel tips.

["Comedy Bang Bang"] Eden ain't cheatin' unless you're fasting. I'm lookin' at you, Gandhi! Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Uh-huh. Thank you to Pugsley's Chicken. Pugsley's Chicken. Let's see the avatar. No, it's just a normal person. Not Pugsley himself from the Addams Family franchise. But speaking of the Addams Family...

Oh, God, I have no segue. I usually start those segues and it usually works out in my mind, but... This one did not. Welcome to the show, though. My name is Scott Ackerman. We have a great episode of Comedy Bang Bang for you today. A little bit later, we have a diarist. And we also have a travel guide, and that's exciting. And we're in the middle of September, and I gotta say, celebs are back!

The backyard era, we had no one, no one wanted to come to the backyard. But last week, we have Adam Scott. And now this guy, a contemporary of Adam Scott, who's perhaps eclipsed him in both TV and film. Oh, wow. Although Adam is nominated for one of those little Emmys. Yes, Emmy. You can't spell me without Emmy. That's right.

Because you have one, and I was there. I was there backstage when you wanted that. Man, remember those days? That golden... What is that? Is it a woman? It's a figure. It's a winged figure. It's a winged figure. And by the way, the Emmys are tonight.

Do you get... It's a winged figure holding a golden globe. Yeah, interesting, because the golden globes... Which we cannot talk about anymore. No, you're not allowed... But you won one of those. Two of them. Yeah, that's right. And you weren't allowed to do your speech.

I wasn't allowed to give them back. I don't know. There was so many things that I'm not allowed to do. Leave them on the porch. Nope. No, no one will take them. The Hollywood Press Association. They're like, no, these are worthless. Too bad. But he is, of course... You know him as Donnie Dee from The Madman.

And he's in theaters now as Admiral Shitbird in Top Gun Maverick. Wow! It's so good to be back. Just saw you again on Saturday. I watched the movie a second time and I was just like... Thank you. You're really playing an unlikeable guy. Well, an antagonist, I suppose. There are no real bad guys in the movie.

No, he thinks he's a good guy, right? He's protecting the taxpayers' investments. Thank you very much. But every single person in the movie seems to know he's a bad guy. He does not like me. John Hamm is here, our old friend. Slips are back! Uncomedy Bang Bang.

You're gonna be back, back. You are in the movie Top Gun Maverick. You have that wonderful thing that everyone gets to do in the Tom Cruise movies where you say Tom Cruise's character name in disbelief. Maverick. Because like... His ego has been writing checks his body can't cash for well over 30-some odd years. It's his butt can't cash him.

As far as I'm concerned. Well, I'm pretty sure they were successfully cashed. Yeah, I don't know. He's been wrong all this time. His butt did cash those checks, I don't know. He has a really nice motorcycle. He's never been overdrawn, as far as I can tell. That was that fun.

Do it now. I talked to you about that back when we were doing the Between Two Ferns movie back in God, 2018 or something like that. Yes, we started shooting that movie in 2018. We finished it in 2019 and it was meant to come out in 2020 and then the pandemic. Scam dammit. Pan's Demik. The labyrinth led right to the Demik and then it was a rough thing. Yes.

But then it comes out in what year is this now? 2022. Comes out this year. The Double Deuce. That's right. And by the way, your character does take two shits in the movie. Is that right? Yes.

He says, excuse me, twice in the movie. I'm like, this guy's taking a shit. Hey, is he really? You don't really see that in movies. They call it the name. They call that hit in the head. Where one of the characters just goes, excuse me. Why wouldn't they cut that out?

And everyone looks to themselves like, where's this guy going? And then just a lot of noise. And then right back into the scene. Sorry, guys. Yep. You know what? One more time. Maverick.

Maverick. But it comes out this year. He goes taking shits. Your body can't cash. Comes out this year as a smash hit. Smash. And it really bigger than the television. So smash.

That's right. Yeah. Smashier. What was the musical that they were doing in Smash? It was called Top Gun Maverick. Weirdly. What if that movie becomes a musical? I would definitely go see that.

Would you go, would you start at it? For sure. Yeah. The dancing cyclone? Are you going to have that dance itself? Of course. And I'm sure your character would have like a King George and Hamilton style solo.

Just walk on. And I spin a lot. And then I immediately take a shit in the ring. Devil do's, then I'm off. But that's, so you filmed that before the pandemic. And then you, you have a new movie coming out this Friday in theaters as well as streaming online. It's called Confess Fletch.

Yes. And when did you do this? Now we shot, we shot this movie during the pandemic. Oh really? So is everyone coughing during the entire movie? Everyone is coughing, really sick, sweaty, uncomfortable and masked. So it's really hard to see who's who, but it's funny.

Everyone sounds like Bane, the entire movie. Oh, hello, Fletch. What's going on, Fletch? We really need Doug for that. Yeah, no, we shot it in Boston in the summer of 2021. Beantown is what they call that. They call it Beantown. Everybody's full of beans and running around, going to college.

So we, we shot that. It is the continuation of the character that one Cheddar cheese made famous in the 80s, Erwin M. Fletcher. The Fletch books, that movie, a lot of people don't even know the Fletch movies that Cheddar cheese made were based on books. On novels that are written by a guy named Gregory McDonald who himself was an investigative reporter for the Boston Globe. That's right.

And then Chevy very famously made it. He broke the spotlight case, didn't he? And they weirdly didn't make Fletch about that. Yeah, it was not as funny, differently, funny, differently, funny. Sorry. But no, yeah. So Chetty, Chevy. Chetty Cheddar, Cheddar, Charvin, Chevrolet, Chevrolet.

Thank you, Chevy, Chevy. Chevy and Shar's made a very funny movie in the 80s about it, but it wasn't already kind of a radical departure. Very 70 years, very 80s, very slapstick. And what we decided to do myself and the wonderful director, Greg Metola, decided to kind of go back to these original books and kind of hue more closely to the source material.

And that's what we did. And we sort of made a very new version of it that we hope is equally funny or differently funny or as funny or more funny. But you are keeping the scene where you get the big afro and you dress up like movie makers, right? That and people forget about this from the second movie, the dancing plantation scene.

All right. So we keep a lot of the baked in racism. That's for the fans. Yeah, that's their fan service. Yeah, of course. Really, so no, we took a little different approach with a lot of the timeless humor. I used to read these books when I was younger.

And I, in fact, I think I believe I was in the running to write one of these movies 20 years ago or so. They've been trying to make it. They've been trying to make it for, as you say, decades. And you know, various and sundry people have been sedacus. I think Ryan Reynolds, maybe like an Affleck or two. Because they're both Afflecks switching off scenes. That would be amazing.

I just flinch so much shorter in this scene and spunkier. Not sure which one you're talking about. I don't worry about it. It just works. I haven't I haven't sized both of them up side by side. It's been a minute. Oh, yeah. And I think Kevin Smith might have been attached

to maybe directed at some point. That's right. Kevin Smith is a huge fan of these books and trying to get these. Yeah. And so like like you, I too read all of these books and was sort of like, oh, the movie is nothing like the book. Yeah.

It's so different. It's such a funny character, but not funny in the cheddar cheese way and wigs and funny voices and funny names. He's just a funny like sort of self-effacing guy and a little more sophisticated and what have you. But but it was it was really fun to make. We got to John Slattery to play my my former boss who people might remember for the first from the first film of the map.

News of the of the Mad Men. Yeah. So again, playing my boss. He's playing your boss in this. And yes, he plays Frank. The news. Did he ever was he like, look, Draper in the scenes? And you're like, oh, sorry, I'm fletching this one.

Yeah, no, it was. Yeah, come on, man. No, but it was really it was really fun. I think his scenes were like some of the first scenes we shot. And so it was super fun. And you should just the two of you should do every project together. I wouldn't mind it. I actually did a movie.

I shot right after we finished Fletcher. I went off to do John's movie that he directed called Maggie Bourne with me and Tina Fey. We shot it in in Albuquerque, New Mexico. So I love working with him. And that was a big part of it. And we got him. We got Roy Roy Wood, Jr.

Who plays a guest on the show. Yes, a friend at the show, I'm sure, who plays this sort of person who's trying to tasked with solving this murder along with myself. The lovely and talented Marcia Gay Hardin up and coming comedic Starlett Aiden Mayuri from I Love That For You, which I don't know if you've seen that I love that thing. I have not seen it yet, but huge fan. Everybody's funny in that.

Yeah. And yeah. And yeah, and kind of television in general. Well, the arts and the craft. Yeah, sure. I love arts and crafts. Those are two of my favorite things. Arts, three of my favorite things, arts, crafts, and ampersands.

That's right. Yes. And arts and crafts covers of all right there. Right there. Yeah. So yeah. And and and. Greg Matola, by the way, people will remember he did Adventureland and and

Supercop. What is it? Super bad. Super bad and daytrippers. Daytrippers, yes. Along with a little movie called Keeping Up with the Joneses. That's right, which I saw on a winged thing flying in the air. Well, did it move you?

The plane, not the movie. Yeah, no, I made it. You got to get to great. That's what we're hoping. We were hoping people see that enough time to watch that. Take a nap and eat a meal. We forget it. I thought it was I thought it was fun.

I remember like you in a car and Gal Gadot and she's shooting. Yes, it was a very action oriented comedy. It was very fun. It was before Gal Gadot was a wonder woman. I thought it was Gadot. It might be. You know what? Did she ever correct anyone?

She never corrected me because we always call her Gadot on the ferns movie and she just like nodded. I mean, she's she's game. Sure. Game. Whatever you want to call her. So yeah, so yes, we had a blast making it and and hopefully because as you know, there are many, many more novels to be to be.

I would love to see 27 of these movies. I would love to make 26 of them. And then the 27th I would do just out of spite. Well, this is great. Confess Fletch. Is that how you say it is or is it confess Fletch? I think you can really take whatever inflection you'd like to do inflect. That's the great thing about titles in Fletch.

Thank you. Yes, very much. Confess Fletch. But that's the thing about titles is. Confess Fletch. Conv- Fletch. Con- Co-in-Fest-Fletch.

Mm-hmm. It's co- Well, there is a comma in the actual title. So, confess comma Fletch. Comma Fletch. Yes. Okay. That's the good thing about titles.

You can say them however you want, right? Yes, exactly. You don't you don't have you can say Fletch. Confess. Yeah, exactly. No one's going to stop you, right? Cheddar cheese. Right, exactly.

Wait, is Cheddar in this movie? Cheddar is not. We we we didn't want it to be the kind of thing that he was in. The guy. We didn't want the kind of weird nostalgic thing of oh, there's the guy, the weird cameo. Well, it's been at this point now 40 years. Yes, we're closing on to 40 years and I always thought, you know,

even in the like the Ghostbusters thing when the Yeah. Dan Ackroyd is an old timey cabbie somehow. Why is this happening? I don't know. Although if Dan Ackroyd were an old timey cabbie in this, it would make sense. Yeah, absolutely. Boston is full of old timey characters.

Old timey cranky cabbies. Get in the car, you. We're going to Alston. Well, I think this is good. I think it's a good way to just totally start fresh be because these books are great. You're great. Greg Matala is great.

The just film in general. In the arts and comedy slash drama with those masks with the one half is the sad guy and the other half golden globes. These things are all they're all great. But we realize too that, you know, there's there's generations of movie goers and people that have no connection to. Why would you ever watch that first Fletch ever? Like if you were 20 years old, it doesn't make sense.

It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make sense. You know what I mean? So but you watch this one and you're like, oh, okay. You know what? I like all these people. Exactly. Let's let's make more of these and let's make 26 more of these.

Yeah. What's the next book called? Because this is the first one in the series. You can kind of jump around. There's there's there's Fletch's fortune. There's Fletch in the widow Bradley. There's karaoke Fletch. What's the one you really want to do?

You want to go to Rio? Is that what I'm hearing? Right? Well, who doesn't? I blame it. I blame it on Rio for years. Have you ever seen blame it on Rio? Yes, I have.

Weird movie. Very weird, really deeply problematic. Very straight. Just deeply, deeply problematic. Like screenwriters in general. They all these like old men who are like 45 or 50 suddenly realized like so old. Suddenly realized they didn't have to stay married to their

wives and like, you know, the whole paradigm of like, you got to stay together. You got to you can't get divorced. Suddenly that blows up and they're or let me pitch this Jim or you could on vacation fuck the 18 year old daughter of your best friend, right? And by the way, repeatedly, Demi Moore. I think she's 18 in the movie, but the other one is 17 17.

Yes, special dispensation to appear nude in the movie. Judge had to sign a piece of paper that allowed her. Who's this judge? Judge Naked McGee. He was the guy you go to the Hollywood guy. He's a horse that also I don't think we're spoiling anything by revealing these delicate plot twists. But this movie is 40 years old this year.

I believe the third act reveal where it is revealed that Joseph Bologna is also fucking Michael King's wife. It's crazy. What is happening here? It's like, hey, couldn't we fuck everybody? I'm going to write a movie about this. I mean, you can blame it on Rio. But I think maybe you should really look in the mirror.

Both of you. Because wasn't it wasn't it the dude from Mash? Didn't he write it? Oh, yeah, I think you're correct. It's insane. There was a there was a time in the late 70s, early 80s, maybe a 10 year span where it just all bets were off. Yeah.

It doesn't matter how you remember the line from the Woody Allen of Annie Hall or the Tony Roberts is picking him up from the airport. And I love you. That one. He's Tony Roberts is picking Woody Allen up and he's perturbed that he had to pick him up because he was busy having sex with two 16 year old Jesus Christ.

That is a line in a movie and he repeatedly references it like you made they were 16 you son of a to be fair. That's a 32 year old. If you combine them, very true, very true. Yeah. So a weird guy Woody Allen. Is that what you're trying to say? I guess I'm trying to say I guess I'm trying to say there's

probably some things to unpack there. Well, Confess Fletch is in theaters this Friday. It's also streaming. You can get it on September 16th. Apple and you're streaming platforms. Yeah, Amazon services. Maybe your phone. I don't know the new Woody.

Anything that streams the new Woody Allen. John Hamm. Thank you. Thanks very much. I will proudly accept. I think we're done with the old one. So maybe there's room. This is great.

Confess Fletch. I'm going to be first in line to watch this online or in line. I'm going to be first online. Yeah, this was in line online when everyone turns on their computers in the morning. First I'm going to be right there. Make sure you type it in first like an old timey comment section first.

We need to take a I stuttered on to take. I mean, we need to I'm so frightened right now doing what Woody Allen is something they did to take. Annie, I love you though. This is the Woody Allen that no one does. Max. Annie, you know, I'm in love with you. You know, the gentle when he's trying to cajole.

16 year old twins, Max. I know, but Annie. Max. Let's go get some health food at the source. They're always playing racquetball too, aren't they? It's big in the 70s. What do you want? Anyway, we're going to take a break.

When we come back, we have a diarist. We also have a travel guide. Those things are things that I enjoy. I don't think you've been on since the 10th anniversary. Is that true? It's been a minute. Yes. I believe the 10th anniversary was my last.

My ultimate appearance. So that we obviously the show is falling off. Yeah. The worst without me. We have a diarist and a travel guide coming up. So usually it would be three celebrities on these types of shows. Listen, they may be celebrities in their own world.

True. This could be a very famous diarist. I don't know. We don't know. Diarista. And I have not looked at the name of the diarist. Do you think as a diarista, like a barista with diarrhea? I think so.

Yeah. And usually all that coffee would give you diarrhea. 100%. Wouldn't it? Yeah. That sounds like the old double deuce. All right. We'll ask them about this.

Now, excuse me. I have to go. Scott. Clump, clump, clump, clump. Clump, clump, clump. Short. Shut. Flush.

I'm back. All right. We'll be right back with more comedy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Comedy bang bang. We're back.

John Hamm of Confess Fletch is, it's in theaters. How many? And streaming. And streaming. How many theaters are you doing? How many cities? Something like a 400 theater? That's pretty good.

Nice release. It's in theaters across the country, including my hometown of St. Louis, Missouri. Really? I was just in there. St. Louis. Yeah. We did a show there on the tour. Yeah.

What theater did you perform? A good question. Was it the pageant? The pageant? No, it was the stifle? Stifle? Are you just making it worse? Stiveman.

Starvison. Starvin. Chevrolet. It was. Magic Mike. The pageant. It was the pageant. The pageant.

Yes. Yes. I thought about texting you to see if you were in town. And then I thought, of course he's done. No, he doesn't live here anymore. He's very rarely here. But I see you there. How was the show?

Was it received well? Yeah. I don't know. I've ever been there before. I thought it was great. Yeah. We saw those big arches. It was fun.

Yeah. It's one arch. Oh, yeah. That's right. Yeah. The other one is a fast food restaurant. I was at McDonald's. Yeah, you're right.

There used to be a floating McDonald's down on the river. Really? On a riverboat. A riverboat McDonald's. Do you have to take a riverboat to get to it? Or you have to? It was permanently moored. But now they have stuck casinos down there.

So it's. Could you do a drive through in it though? Maybe with a car? No, with a boat. Okay. That'd be kind of awesome. Don't I see you though in like St. Louis games, you're always like popping up. You're like singing, taking me out to the ball game and stuff like that.

Something like that. Yeah, I do. I do have family back in St. Louis and I do go back on occasion. But I haven't been back in it sometimes. It's not the most, as you probably found out, it's not the best place to be in the summer. It's a little warm. Right. Yeah, it was a little warm.

Yeah. Although I do have on the St. Louis Walk of Fame, like I have a star on the scene. Oh, congratulations. Yes, I was very. I didn't. Who else is there? Just me. Not even Ellie Kemper.

No. Your former student. No, no, not yet. Well, not yet. It's just me. Interesting. And the star is as big as the arch. Really?

It takes up the entire street. It's actually right down the street from the pageant. That's why I mentioned it. Maybe on your way walking to the show. I did not see it. No. Did you want to see it? I actually would like to see it.

You know our good friend, Tal John. He has a star on the Palm Springs Walk of Fame. That's what reminded me of that. Now you, you of course, people would know you most famously from being Conor Ratliff, scene partner from the University of Missouri, production of Ordinary People. Yes. That's where I get a lot of people on the street being like, you know what? I saw that production in 1992.

I had to fit that in because I was talking to him and he mentioned that. I took over for it because it was in the, it was a holdover show from the summer repertory theater that we did. And I took over for the guy that played it in the summer and we started it anew with a different cast. Me for the fall, for the show. So they have something up and running so people can go to the theater. And I was so nervous that I wasn't going to know my lines.

I had to skip the first two rehearsals because I lost my voice. Really? So you were that nervous? I literally had my pay. You were like, I can't talk. I was like, but Annie, I love you. I can't talk so much. So how did it go off?

I eventually recovered my voice and knew all my lines and had an amazing time working with Connor, who I then of course ran into many, many, many years ago after. And it was an amazing journey that he's had that whole. Yeah. Were you on Dead Eyes? Dead Eyes. Yes. I was the one that I think enabled the reach out.

Really? You did that? I mean, I didn't do it alone, but I was like. Sure. It takes a village obviously. It takes many. It can't spell thanks without Hanks. That's right.

You guys, I've never seen Ordinary People. You and Connor should do the Scott hasn't seen episode about it. Okay. Because is it based on that movie? Yes. Oh, okay. I think it was speaking of Confessed Fletch. I think it was a novel, then a play, then a movie.

Okay. Okay. Famously directed by Robert Riff. Famously, I think won the Academy Award. I believe it did. Yes. Over like a, like a, like a maybe a Godfather raging bull. Some big thing.

I think it must have been like 1980 or something. Maybe it was. Oh, a raging bull. Yeah. Because that was 1980. I feel like it was a kind of an underdog and it beat a movie that is in the can. Don't tell me too much about it because this is part of the show, but I'd love to get both of you on this.

So, Connor plays a boxer and he's like, do you fuck my wife? Do you fuck my wife? Oh, you did fuck my wife? You did? Oh, great. And at the end he gets really heavy and then sells all of his jewels. I think that's what raging bulls about, right? What do you think?

I was thinking about raging bull the other day because you look at Brendan Fraser, right? And he's getting all like, all this acclaim for putting on a fat suit and it's like, and Robert De Niro must be sitting there going like, why the fuck did I gain all this weight? Yeah. I mean, if I, I have to say, fat suit technology has really made the quantum leap. Yeah. It really feels like that from raging bull to the clumps to now this, I mean, they had a pretty good handle on it on the clumps.

I was buying it. Isn't it though? Okay. Okay. Robert, Bobby D, you did so great, you got fat. That's easy as far as I'm concerned. Like having a good body is the hard part. I would think that.

Like they should give Oscars for people who like, you know, like Paul Rudd and Ant-Man, you know, it's like the one scene he takes off his shirt. It's like, okay. All right. You know what, the Academy goes to good for you because that's a lot of crunches. I would think that you would want to start fat, then reduce, but everyone seems to do it the other way. I know.

Why is that? For any role, I start fat and I never waver. Stay right there. Slide not in to keeping it fat, keeping it fat with Scott Ogerman. That's right. Oh, my new show. All right. Confess Fletch in theaters and also streaming this Friday.

Make sure you check it out. We need to get to our next guest. I mentioned they're a diarist and we, you know, it is interesting because I think this is one of the more famous diarists in the world. Now here, now it's seeing. Seeing who it is. Yeah. Very clear.

And Frank, obviously, number one with a bullet and I mean, pardon the pun. Yeah. Really? But, uh, yikes. And then this is number two, though, I think I would, I can't think of another more famous diarist. I'm trying to think of any other title of the diary, diary of a mad man, Ozzy Osbourne. Okay.

He's number two. Well, yeah, with a bat, with a dead bat head, snorting ants off the pavement. None of that happened. Are you sure? Yes. I don't know. But this is number three, obviously, right underneath and Frank and Ozzy Osbourne.

She's a famous diarist. Please welcome to the show Bridget Jones. What's up? How are you doing? I'm good. Hey, Bridget. This is John. Hi.

Nice to meet you. How are you doing? Listen, you guys got mad wrong. It's not a diarist. It's diarrhea. Oh, it is diarrhea. That is what you call me. Okay.

So get it straight, straight out the gate. Wait, does is everyone is weirdly as how diarrhea comes straight out the gate, straight out the gate. Has everyone been mispronouncing the movie titles? Is it Bridget Jones Diarrhea? Bridget Jones's Diarrhea. OK, wow. To be fair, I never saw any of the movies, nor did I read the Diarrhea.

I saw that first one. I don't remember any of these scenes where Bridget Jones said, excuse me, I have to go. Well, listen, they got mad wrong. Like Hollywood took that story, my diarist from way back when, and they changed the shit a lot. So they messed it up. OK, that's right. Now, you and I met on tour.

We met on tour. This is in Boston. No, we were in New York. You were in New York. Oh, OK, yeah. Yeah. The city of lights. City of. The city that doesn't sleep. The city with the trash everywhere.

The city is so nice, they named it twice. They did. New York. That city that's so nice, they named it twice. They named it twice. New York. New York. We met there and you we talked a little bit there about what did we talk about? Well, so basically, like 23 years ago or whatever, as they bought me Diarrhea off me, the Hollywood people, no offense or whatever.

Oh, no, it's not taken. Is this Weinstein? I don't remember who was whatever, but you'd remember if it was Weinstein. Yeah, for sure. Your plants would remember. I'll tell you that. Oh, so you know who he is today, talking about M. Frank and now this is right when I get on Woody Allen. Don't forget.

Should we talk about Michael Jackson while we're here? I mean, it's right there. So listen, yeah, they be buying my diary off me for nothing, like 35 quid or something like that. Well, nothing. I'm like, yeah, I should take. How much is a quid? I don't know.

It's because I know you can get one for every quo. Yeah, it sounds like it's four dollars because of quad quid. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what the exchange rate is, regardless. It's relatively low. It was super low. It was like four dollar, like four dollars and five cents. So it's like a quarter.

Yeah, like a quid. Absolutely. Nothing worked. And I'd be like, OK, well, yeah, like go ahead and take it. Then they go make this big movies with Zell Wiggins, Renee's and and Cullen and hug, Gronk, Hugh Grant, I believe. Yeah, you know, you don't get that hug. You don't get that first G hug, Grant, famous lover of blowjobs. Hugh Grant, he's on record as loving him.

Really? And when I say I love it, it's like my favorite thing in the world. I believe that's his quote. That sounds like proofs in the pudding. I mean, if I can bring it back to diarrhea, the proofs in the pudding. But we all love blowjobs, probably. Probably you never have one. You don't know. Bridget, what?

You want me to keep talking? OK, yes, they buy me diarrhea for me for literally nothing. Then they go, they make this big movie. They make all this money. I'm like, what the shit? So I didn't get any of that. So sorry. I'm like, I'm going to go back to drawing board, work on me, diary, then sells it, make lots of money.

Yeah, because they bought the old diary. Yeah, they can diary by nature is every day, right? Right. Yeah. I'm like, so I'll work on me, diary. And then now, 23 years later, I'm basically done with the shits. I'm ready to make a new movie, right? Took me that long, but I got some entries. I got like six or sevens entries.

OK, are you will this be starring you? Will you actually get to star in your own story? Well, this is what the thing is, like I'm like 55, like what I want to tell, like a young story. So I'm fine with like a young hot bitch playing me. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, Bridget here, you're 55. You're kind of, I mean, like a butter face.

And so, you know, it's not like you have. Don't get me started with this. Star potential. Little looking at you. I forget your face immediately. It's like, you know what you look like? What's that? You remind me of like a gyoza.

A gyoza? The dumpling? Yeah, you're like fried and like full of meat. Interesting. And like you're super not hot, like a cold one. Interesting. OK. What? What? That's what you look like. What's that?

So don't call me a butter face. Like I know I'm mad hot. Is it? What do you call a butter face in England? Does it call something different? Shmere. Just a shmere. So you're like a shmere. So you want someone who's a little bit younger to start in the movie. Yeah, like I want the movie to sell or whatever.

I want to make mad money. Like I'm not stupid. Like put the fucking hot bitch in. Right. Like who? Like today's Renee Zellweger. Yeah, who would that be? I don't even know. Well, so like I got entry about it.

Ashton Kutcher. Yeah, Ashton Kutcher. Ashton Kutcher, probably. Probably. OK, so you have an entry, though, you say. Yeah, I have entry. I can share with you because I want to get the word out. Taste of what what what the story might be.

And then we can maybe we can cast it. Because Johnny here. I know some people. You can do an English accent, can you? Oh, yeah, certainly. Where does that? I can I can certainly try to do one. Yeah, right.

That's mad good. That's what I thought. Yeah. That's mental. You sound exactly like me, Dad. Great bridge. Let's read it. That's mental. That's absolutely mental.

OK, let me read me diary entry. OK, OK, here we go. This is Bridget Jones, a recent diary entry or something from the past 20. Like I'm in LA, you know, like I'm taking in the city, like going to Target, going to like Home Depot. All the places right off Sunset. I'm going to Yogatland, I'm going to GameStop.

Things you just saw. I'm going to. What's that burrito place? I'm going to Netflix offices. OK, yeah. So like I'm taking in the city, you know what I mean? So here we go. OK.

Did I write? It's me, Bridget Jones from Bridget Jones' diary. It was a typical Hollywood morning. Woke up to the sounds of people's assholes being bleached. Put on me stumpers and headed out for a bit of brekkie. Ordered myself a cup of jiggies and a plate of squally squog. When all of a sudden, in walks famous Hollywood girl, Allison Williams.

I knew this would be my moment. So I got them. So I told them. I told her all about me diary idea and insisted that she play me since I know that everybody wanted to get her wiggy and poppy her dog. But then out of nowhere, she'd be yelling at me to get away. Something about me asking too many questions about her

notch. But then it hit me. Clearly she was intimidated by me and me diary and scared I was coming for all of her quid and quill. But then again, who wouldn't be love bridge? OK. OK. A lot of potential there.

I mean. So this is going to be a movie about your character going up to Allison Williams and getting into a fight. I think I was listening. No, you've been like mid-century modern furniture right now. You're pointy. You don't make sense.

OK. All right. I accept that criticism. Make no sense. Right. But I mean, that's one of the like the set pieces in the movie is a big. No.

Listen, I'm trying to approach her. Have her play me. She's hot as shit. You know, sure. She has a good singing voice. Yeah. She played Peter Pan. Peter Pan.

Yeah. Like that's me. Yeah. Like I look like Peter Pan. Like she can madnail me. You know what I mean? But didn't you say that the movie is going to be based on these diary entries?

Just don't think you do. So Allison Williams would then in this scene. You play you and then who would be playing Allison Williams? Brian Williams. I think she goes after her dad and that's a real altercate. Can I put this wig on you? I'd be honored to get Brian Williams. You think we can get him?

B-dubs? Do you think he retired just for this? He might. He might. He would do it. He likes. He would. He loves nothing more than a challenge.

He loves a camera on him. He would play young me. Allison would play old me. Right. We have this conversation in Lily Gohan circles. Yeah. I would love to see this actually. Yeah, I think there's a lot of, like I said, a lot of potential.

It's a very meta. It's very everything all at once. It'll be breaking the fourth wall, talking straight to camera. No, like meta world peace. Yeah, whatever. Like I don't even care. Maybe you could release it on meta.

Yeah. In the meta. Never. Well, yeah, like Mark Zuckerberg, like you friends with him or whatever. I don't know Zucks. You've never met Zucks? I've never met the Zucks.

You've never sucked on Zucks? I've met the Zucks. I've never sucked on Zucks, but I've met the Zuckers. Oh, really? The Zazz? Zazz. OK.

I had a meeting with the Zazz. Oh, really? I met one of them. Didn't they go? They went their separate ways. One of them did, yes. The one I met did. Yes.

Oh, fun. Like drama or whatever. You going to tell the secrets? No, no, no. I mean, it's a well-told story at this point. But I'd love to hear more of your entries. Do you have more? I've got more entries for you.

You're like begging for them. You're like fucking horny for them. Give them to you, I guess. Horny for them. Literally like freaking out. He wanted them so bad. OK. Did I, uh?

It's me, Bridget Jones from Bridget Jones' Diarrheal, which is going to be a script someday. It was a typical Hollywood afternoon. Walk down the street to the sounds of plastic surgeons breaking people's noses. Popped in a shop for a bit of lunch and ordered me self a massive slimy, blind-me topped with stinky snappies.

Can I interject? What is that? I mean, I get that it's like in English. A slimy, blind-me topped with stinky snappies. Yeah, like what would we call it here in America? It's a pasta. Oh, OK, it's pasta. It's a ravioli topped with like, you know, meat and cheese.

Oh, got it, got it, got it. Maybe it was a burger. Yeah, I couldn't quite tell exactly what it was. I guess that's like a... Stinky snappies, no. I guess not. But you would never put it stinky snappies on a burger. Stinky snappies are like a bowling yes.

Oh, got it. Is this like cockney slang or is it just what happens to me? This is from my village. Oh, your village? My village. It takes a village. It does. It takes a village.

All right, sorry to interrupt. Please continue. No, like it's fine or whatever. I can know you're horny for it. Like, I'll give it to you. OK, where was I? Ordered me self a slimy, blind-me topped with stinky snappies. When all of a sudden,

in walks famous Hollywood person, Billy Ray Cyrus. Whoa, wow. I knew this was going to be my moment. So I tell him all about me diary movie and ask if he want to play me love interest. Because I know everyone wants to empty, dump tea is priggly pog. Then out of nowhere,

he says he's going to throw me out on my cheeky donkey. Something about all the pictures I drew on my iPad of him exposing his fruit basket to Miley. Then it hit me. Clearly, this man was intimidated by me in my diary and scared I was coming for all of his lockets filled with pictures of dead people in them. What?

Is that how he keeps his riches? Then again, who wouldn't love bridge? OK, interesting. What? What's that face? So this whole movie is just you accosting, like, F-list celebrities? It's me making my movie. Like, like think about all the movies about making movies.

Like the recent Downton Abbey movie. Yeah, like Lily. Which is just insane. That they're making a movie, a talkie in Downton Abbey. And the butler starts writing the script. I didn't know any of this. This is mad crazy. Yeah, make sure you don't have too much crossover with that.

But you know, like, how everybody want to make the movie about what's happening right now in Venice with all them famous people. With Don't Worry, Darling? Yeah. The starring friend of the show, Nick Kroll. Right. And Harry Styles spitting on Chris Pine Tree.

Oh, yeah. And then Florence Pugh. Yeah. Florence Pugh. I'm sorry, I think she, you do hit the hard G with her. Yeah, Pugh. Yeah, Pugh. I thought it was Pugh. It's actually Florence Pugh.

Pugh. Yeah, she should start in your movie. What about that? Not that, there you go. She's mad hot. I love that bitch. I'd absolutely be mad interested in her saying me. Yeah.

But like, I don't know, like, can you get me in a meeting with her? Yeah, I mean, you're the one who got Tom Hanks for that, guys. I can make this happen tomorrow. Like, you send an Instagram message, whatever, be like, what's up? I'm sure she's probably coming here to do press for Don't Worry, Darling.

Oh, I'm sure she wants to do a lot of press for Don't Worry, Darling. She absolutely should be in town for the Emmys. Walk in the carpet. She'll probably present to the Emmys tonight. She'll present to the Emmys. Absolutely. If somebody loses, she'll probably come out

and say, don't worry, darling. It'll be fun. I'll accept this on your behalf. I will accept this on your behalf. Also, and then I'll just be like, flow. Yes. Miss flow, what's up? It's John.

I have got your next project. Don't worry, darling. And then slapper, like Will Smith did. Just like a hardy slap. Yeah. Wow. That's a way to do it. That's a way to do it.

Cause I know Scott can't be doing shits for me. Like. Well, he's busy. He's a podcast emperor. Not doing nothing. Podcast empire. And he's consistently speaking into my group. It's not like I'm invited to the Emmys anymore,

but not anymore. Not since like all day just sitting there like forever 21 dressing room, like absolutely dirty and empty. I don't know what you're talking about right now. Filthy. Do they have forever 21 out there in Britain? They got it.

Yeah. It's everywhere. It's in the metric system though. So it's like forever 17 and a half. Right. I didn't realize that was related to each other. It was the numbers too. Yeah, it's always.

It's what they wish the age you would be. They don't want you 21. They want you 16, 17. I was wondering though, Bridget, they have very big news out of the empire today. I don't know if you kept up with it. We may be covering that on a future show. We could certainly not talk about it

if you don't want to. Yeah, but are you gutted? I'm mad gutted, like I can't believe it. Like she was so young, she was so young. For a very old woman, she was so young. She was a young 96. I couldn't believe it when they said she was sick. I'm like, you can't be kidding me.

That's insane. That's gonna be true. I'm so sorry. Here, let's take your mind off this. Let's read another entry. I know you're mad horny about it. I don't know about it, I'm horny. Okay, here we go.

Okay, dear, dear diarrhea. It's me Bridget Jones from Bridget Jones's Diarrhea, the movie to be. It was a typical Hollywood night. Called me an Uber to the sounds of actors crying. Snuck a bevy and ordered me self a happy baby with the sight of chimichanga. When all of a sudden,

in walks the famous Hollywood robot, Liam Michelle. I knew this was my moment. So I tell her that there's some outlets over there so she can charge herself to 100% and get back to not reading. When all of a sudden, in walks Ellen, from Ellen, I ask her if she wants to play me mom in me diary movie since I know everyone wants to dunk in donuts or guinea pigs. And then out of nowhere,

she'd be saying she's gonna slice me noggy with a DVD, the Da Vinci Code, because I looked at her in the eyeballs. But then it hit me. Clearly this woman was intimidated by me and thinks that I'm coming for her princess Diana beanie babies. Then again, who wouldn't love bridge? Okay, so there's a lot happening in that one.

Yeah, this is a double celeb. That was a big one. Liam Michelle and Ellen. Liam Michelle was like the misdirect. Yeah, Ellen comes in and cleans up. Yeah, see, Ellen, she knew Liam Michelle was there. They're friends. Oh, they're friends.

That makes sense. That makes sense. I would think by this point that Liam Michelle would probably have a wireless charging. Wouldn't you think? I would think so, yeah. She's an outlet girl. She's outlet only.

She's an outlet only. She's old school like that. Her ass is outlet only. Boy. Jesus Christ. I want to confirm that. Then now I have to delete a lot of this pod, huh? I thought that she was in New York doing Funny Girl.

No, she come to L.A. Like she can be... Oh, she's commuting. There's more than one of her. So one of us is in... Oh, right of course. Of course, mass produced. Obviously, she's got a multiple

and then none of them can read one little word. A single sentence. So did she learn that part phonetically? What? Funny Girl part? She just has to be funny. Girl. And all of her glee lines as well?

Did someone have to, she just learned them like as syllables? She just did it on a podcast. Oh, someone had to make a podcast. Were you a member of the glee line in high school? Oh, of course. Yeah, glee club. We will see you in glee.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't, we didn't have a glee club. You didn't really? Well, you know. We had chorus, but that was not me. There was no glee involved. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, you're all very sad.

Were you a member of the glum club? Well, Bridget, this is, I don't know if this, any of this makes a good movie, but... Wait, no, like, it's in me. Here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking seven episodes, right to streaming,

and keep it as almost a reality show. Yes. Let's, because I want to see these interactions between these, let's call them marginally famous people. Yeah. And Bridget Jones. And then I want to see how they interact.

Oh, up and down Sunset Boulevard. I feel like I'm open to it. Like, if you can get me mad meetings, like, I'm down for whatever. Like, I don't want to be stuck here looking like Scott, you know? I don't want to be like, like a play empty Tupperware,

like, oh, stinky and stained like Scott. Like, that's not... My career's not that bad. I mean, sure. Like, anything. Was my movie one of the last ones to come out before the pandemic, and it totally stalled my career?

Sure. All she's saying, I think, is that you could have put on a clean shirt. Yeah, you're all covered in stains and stuff. It's like, did you eat like a stinky Stumpy before this? Pasta, you mean? Yeah, like, you covered in little... Wait, I got to write me another entry.

You're writing one right now? I'm writing one right now. You're inspiring me, Scott. All right. I'm like, oh, gosh, it's just coming out of me. It's pouring out of me. You want me to read it? Oh, yeah, while you're writing.

You read as you write, please. Please. It's a dead area. It's me, Bridget Jones, from Comedy Bang Bang. I know that you can say that you're from comedy... Well, she's here right now, so it's in my sense. I was on one episode of the Jimmy Kimmel Show. I wouldn't say Scott Arkham from the Jimmy Kimmel Show.

I wouldn't correct you. From my podcast, Comedy Bang Bang. It was a typical ear-wolf afternoon, dragged me self a massive bottle of water, and then wrote me name on the table with a drying sharpie. And all of a sudden, in what not famous, tiny, angry baby men, Scott Arkham in. Hey.

I knew this was going to be my moment. So I called me manager to tell him that if I die here today, because Scott kills me, to give me ashes, to Tom Cruise, so he can spread them over the mountains in his tiny plane. But then it hit me. Clearly, Scott Arkham in was intimidated by me, and thinks I'm coming for his hentai. Hey, now this hentai thing.

Not really. I don't know how this got started. What are you talking about? I don't know how this rumor got started that I'm into hentai. You love hentai. I don't know. I saw all your likes on Twitter, like every single like.

Hentai, hentai, hentai, hentai. And then once sure, I accidentally just tweeted, hentai gifts. Yeah. Because I was searching for it, and I tweeted it instead of paste. That's good. Hey, like you're mad obsessed. What?

I don't know, Bridget. I don't think this would make a good movie is my main. Yes, I'm personally insulted by that last entry, but I just don't know that this would do it. Like, are you not entertained? Like, aren't you mad horny for every entry? I guess. But, Jonner, you want to be attached to this movie?

I don't want to be attached to it at all. I don't want to be in the same room with it, really. But I would say that there is a place on like a, like not peacock, but like peacock minus. Yeah, I see so, like something like that. If you see so things, say something. Yeah. Like negative paramount.

Yeah, pegged of minus. Pegged of, paramount minus. Mattman, did you ever call pegged pegged of? Pegged of. Accidentally, pegged of. Yeah, that's what the money is for. You're being pegged of. You guys ever been pegged?

Not yet. I don't know the way to discuss whether or not I have. Lately, you want to talk about all this other mad crazy shit, but you don't want to talk about being pegged. You're like, let me talk about it, I'm Frank. Is that what you're into? No. Don't want to talk about it.

It's like she's got the other guy. Awfully silent. No, like what? No. See, this is the diary entry I want to read is about your sexual exploit. Lately, like I get horny from the queen and like, she fucking died today.

I'm sorry, are you never going to be horny again? I'm never going to be horny again. I'm so sorry. Look, we have to take a break, Bridget, if that's OK. It's fine, like. Can you stick around though? I guess, like you're mad begging me, but it's like, OK, I'll stay while.

Please mourn while you're here. It would be better for you to mourn the queen while, you know, in the company of people who can help you. Well, you want to hug me or something. I don't want to hug you. But if you're like, please, let me touch you. I'm like, I'm good.

Like the table distance is safe. I like to keep a table distance from all of my guests. I don't know you're getting a little close, by the way. That's fair, that's fair. We have to take a break, but when we come back, we have a travel guide. You've traveled. I mean, you've been in three places,

Britain, New York, and this place. I came from my village here. Right, yeah. OK, so this will be interesting. When we come back, we'll have more Bridget Jones, more John Hamm, and a travel guide. We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Comedy bang bang.

We're back. John Hamm of Confess Fletch is here with us and the movie Confess Fletch is in theaters and streaming on Friday and 16th. And then next month, it goes to like Showtime. Oh, it re-platforms and de-platforms and pre-platforms and three-platforms. Oh my God, this is exciting.

It's all-platforms. How many Oscars is it going to be nominated for and then how many does it actually get, do you think? Well, it depends. Like, I think, at a certain point, we have to say, like, stop. Yeah, like during the nomination ceremony, you're like, hey, guys, we're pulling the movie. It's like six in the morning and, you know,

Cedric the Entertainer is reading this and he keeps reading the name and you're like, Confess Fletch, Confess Fletch, come on. Hey, Ced, stop. Thank you, enough. 28 nominations is enough. It's embarrassing to Titanic. Yes, exactly.

So yeah, so at a certain point, we will just say, thank you very much as you would to an August institution like the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, Ampass, Oscars.org, backslash vote. Spoken like someone who is a member? Maybe. What did you get? Why are you a member?

Because you've been in a couple of movies. Is that what it is? You know, I will say this in all honesty, I have no idea. I was as surprised as you to actually get that in the mail. Yeah, it doesn't make sense to me of like, why they invite some people and they don't invite other people. But I like it. I like that you're a member because I like people,

I like you voting for things. Yes, I have wonderful taste. Yes, I voted for quite a few Emmys. I voted, of course, for a good friend, Adam Scott. Yes, that's right. And Hopi Wins and voted for Chip and Dale in that one. So yeah, so there you go. Did you vote for my commercial?

The, it was nominated for best. The flow commercials? Oh, the ad-lib commercial. Why are you making so many commercials? I have bills to pay, so. What are these bills? I'll tear you. What's going on here?

I would like to leave it alone. All right. Never mind how I spend my money. Or don't. All right, and Bridget Jones is here, obviously. Yeah, what's up? Yeah, what's up with me? He's in there, like a pair of J. Crew Jeans, fit.

I'm fit? No, he don't fit. Well, I don't fit. I'm not fit. Not worth it, you know what I mean? Not worth the cost. Got it. Well, we have to go to our next guest.

He's a travel guide. This is exciting because I, you know, I did a little bit of traveling during the summer. Did you go anywhere, John? I was in Italy and France. I was in Italy too. Hey, what part? We were here at the same time.

We're on the boot. I was, I... On the shin? Just really, on the shin, really. Oh. That famous, famous boot kick in that rock. I was all over. I was Rome.

I was Amalfi, everywhere in between. I was in Naples. Yeah, I was in Naples too. Naples adjacent. Naples kind of, I don't know. Well... Good pizza. Good pizza, though.

I'll tell you that. I'm gonna have to cut that from the podcast. That was mad offensive. To who? To not like Naples, it's like mental. Okay. Have you been to Naples? No, but I protect it with my life.

Even the Italians who were there were like, Naples is... Yeah, maybe not so much. Well, we... I do need some travel tips because I wanna take a few more vacations before I die. Yeah, I'd love to go to... Explore more of the boot.

Maybe the heel. Oh yeah? Maybe the instep. Totally, yeah. Maybe the... Maybe the top part where you pull it on. Yeah, the hole. Yeah, the hole in the top.

If you're lucky, there's only one hole in every shoe you have. So true. It's fucking sick. It's the dirtiest thing I've ever heard. What? It's nasty. Well, just shut the fuck up.

Let me get to our next guest. He's a travel guide. Please welcome Steve Spinks. Hello, Scott. It's wonderful to be here. Hey, Steve. Beautiful Los Angeles, California. Yes, welcome to Los Angeles.

Are you not from here? I'm not from here. I'm from Bellingham, Washington. Oh, Bellingham, Washington. Beautiful place up in the Pacific Northwest. That's by Seattle, is it not? It is. It's closer to the Canadian border.

Oh, okay. A beautiful place to visit. Home of the University of Washington, I believe. False. Home of Western Washington University. That's exactly what I meant. W-W-U. This, by the way, this man who erently said

what school it was, this is John Hamm. Hello, John Hamm. How do you do? Wonderful to see you in beautiful Los Angeles, California. And we establish you are not from here. No, I'm from Bellingham, Washington. I'm visiting, yes. Home of Western Washington University.

That's correct. Yes, correct. And this is Bridget Jones. Hello, Bridget Jones. It's wonderful to see you in beautiful Los Angeles, California. Awesome to meet you. Excited to go exploring Los Angeles with you. Yes, we'll have to get together

and see the sights and sounds. Maybe we could go to Subway or something who... Sure, a wonderful local eatery like Subway Sandwiches. I can't wait to explore. So you're a travel guide. What does that mean, especially in today's economy? Well, I've written several guidebooks on different places to see.

And I have a popular video series guiding people through many popular travel destinations. You see, I have a simple life philosophy that travels really changed my life. And I believe in two things. One, I believe that every person should have their mind expanded by traveling abroad. And two, I believe murder should be legal.

So if... I can give you some tips about... I would like to maybe revisit, too. What's going on? Hold up, because you said two things and one sounds great. Sounds great to me. One, I think, is what I love to focus on. And the other was about travel.

Right. Good. So you understand. Very few people understand. What is this? You say murder should be legal? Now, is this something that your travels have led you to believe? Well, you know, this is very separate from my travel work.

This is just something I work on passionately in my spare time. But it's funny you say I was inspired to have this viewpoint on the very first international trip I ever took to the beautiful Amalfi Coast. There I was on the beach in Posatano, a young boy looking at crabs and other sea creatures and tearing them limb from limb. And I looked out in the water and I saw two beautiful men in a rowboat. And one of them killed the other one as I watched. And I thought, my God, the magic of travel.

You know, here is a man living life. And then as he rode back to shore, I said, I'll keep his secret and I'll become a travel writer. Isn't this the plot to tell Mr. Ripley? I believe, yeah. I don't know. I'm not familiar. I don't even know. Because it seems awfully similar.

It seems a lot like it. Two beautiful men, though. All I know is I saw two gorgeous hunks fighting in a rowboat and it inspired my point of view. Are you attracted to men? Is that? I actually have no sexual feelings toward anyone whatsoever. Oh, really? Yeah, I consider myself a member of the asexual community.

Oh, OK. Wonderful. But you on just purely a. I'm attracted to anything that bleeds blood. You know what I mean? Hell, yeah, like, man, that's awesome. Bridget gets it. So anyway, I'd love to give you some travel tips as we move into the fall.

I'd love to. It sounds like it's going to be illuminating. Well, it's obviously you guys have explored Italy. And I'd be remiss if I didn't recommend the eternal city, Rome herself, a beautiful place to visit, to soak up the sights and sounds of culture of the ancient Roman world. I mean, the entire city is built on the bones of the dead. You could practically hear their whales as you wander their cobblestone

streets. Yeah. Right. I mean, there's there's an awful lot to recommend. I have been to Rome. Oh, beautiful. The eternal city, they call it. That's right. It's all roads lead there. All roads lead there.

That's right. There are seven hills. There's some wonderful food and beautiful things to see in the art world. The Vatican is there. Of course. Vatican is maybe like any of any of those. Have you have you been to see any of the sights? Why are you concentrating on the feels? It feels a little bones of the dead feels.

I don't know that I was concentrating on it. I mean, it's never far from my thoughts, but I try to push those away so I could I can soak up the culture and the beautiful Campo di Fiori and their outdoor market. Yeah. When you say the bones of the dead, who are you talking about? You just people who have died there. I'm talking about a couple of people that I know who have died there for sure. A couple of people you know.

Specific people. Yes. Who are we talking about here? Like my cameraman, a couple of my camera men have passed away. What happened? Murder. Through murder.

Through murder. Through murder. And did you any any leads on the suspect? Well, I didn't investigate. I murdered. Oh, oh, so you murdered. You you murdered. I know.

Now, was there a reason? There doesn't need to be a reason for people to commit murder. All right. I feel like I'm getting I'm getting your sense of why you feel murder should be legal. Look, there's no sense in controlling and regulating any of humanity's simple vices. I'm talking, of course, about sex, drugs and murder.

The three things that all human beings want at all times. Oh, yeah, I totally agree. Like mad pegged and like stinky stompers and like, you know, live your life, like murder somebody like hell. Yeah, well, I feel like all those three things are very highly regulated and good reason. Well, I'd like to live in a world where none of them are regulated. So no, no, what about manslaughter?

Should that be regulated? Manslaughter, please, God, keep the manslaughter at bay. I have no patience for the manslaughter's people driving their cars recklessly or throwing people. Because these are, yeah, these are accidents. Those are simply accidents. Those are simply accidents. And people should be more careful.

That they should be, you know, prosecuted. With the full extent of the law. Yes, of course. But murder is just a simple human urge. Is that what you're trying to say? It's simple human urge. And I think everyone should get at least one. I've had a few, but everyone should get one, you know.

When you say a least one, though, are you saying after the first you should be prosecuted or? No. No. What a beautiful singing voice. No, I'm sorry. I'm warming up my pipes. No, I just.

You sing, like maybe Jeremy Piven would you? Sing Jeremy. Jeremy Piven like that. Yeah, I could sing like that. Yes, of course. But it would be nothing compared to the beautiful songs you might hear wandering the streets of Rome. Oh, yeah.

Well, of course, in Bridgets here, Bridget hails from one of the most incredible capitals of the world, London, England, my village. That's right. Your village. Just across the pond. Just across the pond. A beautiful place for people to visit where you can see such wonderful sites as the Great

Turfalgar Square or Buckingham Palace. Or, of course, you could walk the very alleys that check the Ripper walked and see tour prostitutes live from limb in the practice that I consider to be quite fun. And now, interestingly, no one's ever successfully identified or found the person known as Jack, the Ripper. Do you have any insight on that? Well, I think it speaks to a simpler time when people

didn't want to look too hard at someone who was murdering other people. And maybe we could take a little less of it from those times and not investigate why cameraman keep going missing at different shoots throughout Europe and other regions abroad. Did you murder some cameraman in England? Yes, I did. Yes. I don't know.

I want to focus on recommending a trip for you. I don't want to be curious as to how you keep getting these cameramen to sign on to these very, very dangerous jobs. That wouldn't work for you after the first incident, I think. Well, that's why I go to college students. I mean, it's a lot of USC film students. Got it. Yeah, I'm young, you know, I'm talking about. The NYU kids don't know no better, you know what I mean.

So, you know, so I've had a couple of 16-year-olds. They were two 16-year-old camera people who are... You love 16-year-olds. 32-year-olds. Yeah, that makes one 32-year-old cameraman. And that's that's all you need to make a shoot, really. Yeah, you know, and I think it's fine to, you know, if you have a personal connection with someone like someone's in your employee. And that's a personal connection.

Yeah, I think I consider that a personal connection. I'm mad close with my boss and all that. Yeah, famously so, yes. Yeah, you have sex with them and stuff. Well, I wasn't having sex with any. I want to be clear about that. OK, you're an asexual murderer. I mean, asexual murder.

So this murder is not motivated from a sexual cut, is it? No, no, no, God, no, no, no. Although, do you feel powerful and... Yes, I feel, well, I feel akin to God in that moment. When my eyes go jet black and my hands wrap around the tight neck of a 16-year-old cameraman. Well, so you like a strangler, like that's how you kill most of the time? I don't discriminate against any way you want to kill. If it be at strangling or drowning someone in the River Thames,

a beautiful river through all throughout London, where you can see the, you can see it from the eye of London, if you ride that beautiful ferris wheel. Literally all the places you've mentioned, I'm like, I don't know that one. I don't know that one. Interesting, you've never been to this place. I'm learning like mad stuff right now. About the big ferris wheel.

I knew where the queen was, that's about it. Where was she? She's in the palace, in my village. I got to say, Steve, it seems like you're way more interested in murder than travel. I feel like you guys have forced me to this conversation. Oh, no, you offered it up very quickly. It was the second time. I really, I'd love to roll back the tape

because I don't know that that is the case. I certainly don't want to anger you. Yeah, be careful. I mean, we're not your cameraman at all. Well, look, I don't know. Or are we in your employ? Let's make that very clear. I don't want anyone to be afraid.

Although, I guess, Scott, you probably are paying him to be here. I know, that's true. What a personal connection you and I have. Oh, no. I'm not going to pay you. No, it's a freebie. Well, wonderful. Of course, you're getting wonderful travel tips from me.

Why would you? I'm getting paid in travel tips, yes. Yes, of course. No, look, I don't want to murder anyone necessarily. I believe murders should be rare, safe, and legal. That's all I feel about it, OK? It's just an option that people should have. If you want to murder, go for it.

So what are the parameters then, if you want it to be so rare? I mean, how many do you get a year? You've got quite a few under your belt. Well, I'm an experienced murderer. I like to regularly check in with my own blood to make sure that it's at a reasonable level. Where are we at right now? Right now?

Yes. High. High. Really? Right now, it's high. It's so freaking fun. Yeah. Well, your eyes are like all black and shit.

I can feel the blackness entering my pupils. Your hands are just tightening. Certainly, yes. I'm beginning to disassociate. Very, very sweaty. Oh, that's never not the case. Oh, OK. So we shouldn't leave anything in it.

Well, I'm so excited about the possibility of travel. I've worked into a lather. Yes, I like to lather my body in my own sweat. Yes, it's a way to cool my temperature, which I find as my core temperature rises, I am closer to the act of murder itself, to becoming God and killing again. I'm rethinking sitting on this side of the table.

I know. I wish you were closer to the door. Yeah, well, although I do like how far away he is. Yeah, we do have the table in between us. Because he's a little closer to Bridget at this point. I'm not worried at all. I'm like, like, like. You are representing very calm.

You're like almost man-spreading right now. Like, you're so calm. I'm spreading my legs. Like, why does hell, like, doing the splits, just sitting in this freaking seat. Why are you so calm, Bridget? Are you do you have no fear of death? I'm just like, if I'm going to die, like, go right ahead.

Like. It's already preordained. But the God has already decided when we're going to die. I'll go see the Queen, you know what I mean? The prospect of death is it seems to be making you a little horny. Well, I'm like mad horny for death, if I really think about it.

Really? That's something you both have in common. Well, that's again, asexual. That's something that I believe you should be allowed to explore. If you're feeling horny about death, why not explore it? Well, it's just cool to watch people's life drain from behind their eyes, you know?

Bridget Jones. Well, it's like when I come on this podcast, I watch people sitting here, like, their eyes shutting down. I noticed that as well, yes. I never realized watching your first two movies that you were so into, like, murdering people. Right, well, yeah. Maybe just watching them be murdered.

Maybe. I don't know if she wants to get her hands dirty. Yeah. I do know this would make a hell of a diary entry. That's true. Oh, god damn, like, too bad. I'm, like, doing the splits right now. I can't reach me pen. I'm literally thinking about, like, when I told you

how 23 years ago they changed all the diaries and they made the movie all messed up with Nell Wiggers' Renee. Like, actually, there was murders, like. There were murders in your original diaries? Not murder. Really? Not murder.

That's a movie I would have liked to see to get the sights and sounds of London, England, and also the sights and sound of blood pouring down Renee's L. Wiggers arms as she strangles Hugh Grant to death. Well, a hug had a problem. Well, but pours out when he strangles someone? Well, if you do it right, I guess. If you do a strangulation motion

and also bring your thumbs up into their eye sockets to puncture as much as you possibly can. Hell yeah, hell yeah. Alarmingly specific. Now, Scott is a lover of hentai. Perhaps you would be interested in going to the land of the rising sun. Barely know what it is.

Oh, really? You could plan a beautiful trip to the nation of Japan. You could start in Osaka by the sea and enjoy their delicious street food, move to Kyoto, and see the old shrines on top of the hill, and then go to the bustling urban metropolis of Tokyo itself where there's filled with so many people that who would notice if just one went missing?

OK, yeah. A cameraman, is that what I was going to say? Doesn't have to be a cameraman. It could be anyone. It could be a street vendor. It could be. Hentai artist. It could be a hentai artist after they've

given you what you wanted. It could be any. Do they have street hentai artists in Tokyo? Yes, they do. I bet Scott knows exactly where they're located. He's like, going to do his little caricature tour. Please don't meet with octopus legs. Oh, please.

I want to know. That would be something fun to see, that little hentai caricature. Yeah, that's right. Hey, so you're into hentai? Yeah. Drop me with a big forehead and a tentacle penis. Scott, I'll come in with the hentai pictures.

And tweet at Steve Speaks as well. I'd like to get my hands on some of those. Oh, yeah. What is your handle? Huh? Our first home, the show. We did it. It's at Steve loves travel slash murder is fine.

OK, and the slash is written out. Yes, yes. And then there's a knife emoji, is that? I'm looking you up right now. Slash murders are fine. Yes, a couple of knife emojis. And that's just something I advocate for. OK.

Yeah. I don't know. What don't you know? Yeah, what don't you get, is it? I confess, Fletch, that I sometimes when I'm doing the show, I feel the need to alert the authorities about one of our guests. That's what it feels like.

We're getting dangerously close to it. I'm not legally bound to it, like a psychiatrist or anything. But I feel like at some point, we become eating and or abetting and or accessories to this. Classically backwards mindset that is really, you know, that that's an ancient way of thinking. OK, I want to bring us into the 21st century where we think of murder, not as just the brutal ending

of a life, but as the fun ending of a life. And it's also the beginning into whatever the afterlife. That's right. Think of that. It's a gateway. Think of the favor I've done for all those young cameramen as I've ushered them across that bridge into another realm. Like, why don't you be killing the sound guy?

Sound guy is great. I mean, we have a producer. Devon is over here. He's recording all this. Maybe you could kill him. No complaints about Devon sounding great. Now, I don't want to. You know, I don't maybe don't want to state the obvious,

but there is a camera running on this. Oh, shit. I mean, I'm not required. I'm not. It's not my camera. I've never seen this. And that's that's been pointed at me the whole time. It's just a pretty much.

It's a pretty wide angle. I don't even know if it's pointed at you necessarily as maybe getting all those. It seems like it's been sort of mismanaged the entire time in terms of I don't know that the frame has been correct, which when I get in the goddamn edit room, it's going to be a goddamn nightmare, Devon. When I look at this fucking footage,

I'm fucking kidding me. Hey, maybe Devon should probably take a. Yeah, maybe Devon should take a vacation. Maybe Devon should take a permanent vacation. Excuse himself. To the other side of the world, to deep underneath the world. Oh, Devon's trying to walk out of the goddamn studio. He thinks that'll save him.

He thinks I don't know where his car is in the AeroWolf parking lot. He thinks I don't know how to crawl under the chassis of a car and ride it all the way home to jump out of his parking garage when he least expects it. Yes, of course I do. I learned how to do it in Mumbai, India when I was riding in some of their exciting vehicles

of the bustling traffic of Mumbai, India. Well, I can't wait to travel. Like literally everything you're saying. I'm like, I gotta get on plane. Exactly. See, maybe if your mind was broadened by a travel experience, you would understand that human life is cheap and nothing we do matters.

Well, I did like the fact that actually talking about travel seemed to calm you down a little bit. It did, it did. Yeah, you were getting kind of a dead. Very close to the end. It's still real far out over the skis there. It's one of the biggest. Speaking of skis, have you ever been on a ski vacation?

Yes, of course. Beautiful Aspen, Colorado. It's not an international destination, but you'll feel like you're in the Alps when you're riding this. It makes you breathe kind of nice and easy. Yes, the high mountain air. That thin air.

The thin air and the wonderful snow under which anything can be buried. Anything at all can be buried and not found for months and months and months. The cold temperature does preserve the bodies, though. That's true. I want them to be preserved. Oh, God, oh, God.

There's nothing wrong with the preservation of a beautiful, beautiful murder. Oh, jeez. Look, John, I think I got to call the cops. I would say yes. I think maybe we should, can we just text the authorities? Yeah, can you text 911? Listen, I'm going to take care of this.

I'm going to text the powers in McVeigh. You're texting the queen? I'm texting the queen. She's not getting back to me. She just died, remember? Oh, God, I don't even forgot. That was her only way out. I don't even forgot.

And was there a cause of death reported on the queen? No, this can't be you. Impossible, no. I didn't say anything at all. She's an older woman. I, in fact, feel like maybe we might be talking to someone who might be directly responsible next week. So, um, so.

Ah, I can't wait to listen. She was an old, she was an old, she was so young. Older, older. Yeah, well, look, Steve, I don't, don't pay any attention to me, what I'm doing with my phone right now. I won't, but I noticed Devin picked up an old landline in the next room.

And Devin, you put that fucking landline down. It's like one of those phones where the numbers go in circles. I'll kill you right now. That's it, I've declared my intentions over the airway. It's taking him so long to dial. He's like one all the way around here. Is that a rotary phone? He'll get there, he'll get there.

Look, we are running out of time. We only have time for one final feature on the show. Oh my God. And that's a little something called plugs. I wanna plug you. I wanna plug you. I wanna plug you. I really wanna plug you.

Hey, that was, I wanna plug you by John Kirby. Thanks to John Kirby. Weirdly on brand for our guests. I love it. What do we wanna plug? John, obviously, Confess Fletch. Confess Fletch, in theaters and streaming. This Friday.

Friday the 16th, Lucky 16. Lucky 916. Maluckiest of teens. Five days after 9-11. That's how we can always remember it. It's exactly right. And what else is in the hopper for Amy? Obviously, Top Gun.

You think they'll make another one of these Top Gun? Can they bring you back for a new Top Gun? Like, you're the guy who was proven wrong in this one. You know what I mean? That just gives me another opportunity to be proven right. That's right. So maybe now you're on his side, you're like, I gotta tell you, to whoever the antagonist is.

The whole thing, I was like, I get it. I feel it. I see where you come from. I know exactly where you get ego checks, body cash. I know it. You know, he's a 60-year-old whatever. Let me just tell you, I learned my lesson. Maybe you can too.

Yes. Admiral Ed Harris. Oh yeah, he should come, but he was only in the first scene. A lot of spoilers for Top Gun Maverick. What else is going on? Anything coming out down the line, do we know? Down the line, other than hopefully Mr. Slattery's film, Maggie Moore, I think we'll be hitting

the festival circuit. Can't wait to see that. And yeah, and that's about the size of it. All right, fantastic. But I cannot wait to see Confessed Fletch. That'll be this Friday. Thank you very much. Bridger.

There is no hentai. Oh, okay, forget it. He's not going to see it then. I just wanted to pre, you know, make you aware. All right. I didn't want you to be super disappointed. I'm a little disappointed. But I loved the hentai in Top Gun Maverick.

Yeah, that was really good. Weird scene. Well, there was some hentai in Mad Men. Oh, really? No way. I don't remember. Yes, there was. And when?

Scott's going to go back. At the Robert Morse's office. Robert Morse's office. Oh. There is some tentacle excitement. Oh, okay. I thought you were saying the very last scene. The last thing.

The last thing. The little tentacle. They slip it in the Coke commercial. Bridger, what do you want to plug in? Listen, I'm going to promote my own podcast that I listen to. I listen to this book, Changed My Life on CBB Presents, and I listen to Going Deep on Stitcher Premium.

Yeah, when's the new season of that come out? September 12th. Oh, okay. Has that date already happened? Well, let's see. That's one day after 9-11. Yeah, it's all right. No, that's today.

It's today. It's coming out today. It's coming out today. Yeah. Oh my gosh, so exciting. And then, of course, you've got to follow this mad hot bitch, she's so fucking hot, on Instagram and Twitter,

at L-I-L-Y-Y-I-L-Y. L-E-Y. L-I-L-Y-Y-I-L-Y. L-I-L-Y-I-L-Y. L-I-L-Y-I-L-Y. L-I-L-Y-I-L-Y. L-I-L-Y-I-L-Y. That sounds like an English food.

Lilly, willy. No, I'm not talking about me stinky binkies and me donkey bonkeys. I'm talking about L-I-L-Y-I-L-Y. That can't be the only one getting hungry. Steve, what do you want to plug? Well, I'd like to plug, of course, the concept of international travel.

Please, if I could recommend anything to your listeners, it's to travel abroad, preferably to a place where the authorities are lax and they're not looking too closely at where things might be dumped. Perhaps there's no extradition treaty. Oh, Venezuela is beautiful at any time of year. And of course, I'm also a fan of podcasts

and I'd like to plug a podcast called First Hand, hosted by two morally bankrupt gentlemen like myself, Greg Galant, to Devin Field. And after, Devin Field has really caught my eye. He's who I'll be following after I... You get a murder, isn't he? Well, after I handle this, Devin, I'll see if I have a taste for it and move on to the next.

So you're on a Devin case, right? Only Devin's in the building. Okay. That's good, that's fun. Who would be next? Sawa? Okay, good. So let's go ahead and acting these three murders.

Oh, they're all him, Devin. They're all the perfect crime. So follow him before I kill him at BatDevinField on Twitter and Instagram. Okay, great. I want to plug... Look, we just got off of our tour, the Comedy Bang Bang tour that we did 23 shows

and Bridget Jones is on the New York one along with some other great guests. Like there's like a whole week in there. That's mind-awesome. There's a hot little bit. Did you film those? Or are those gonna come up to... No, no, we didn't.

It was a live experience only. Live experience only and oral. Oral. Highly oral. Highly oral. Yo. But yeah, all 23 shows are over there at Comedy Bang Bang World,

as well as the aforementioned, this book changed my life. There was an interesting guest on there, Jim Smith. And there's this sicko on. There's a sicko named Jim Smith. Yeah, you would listen to this one then. I listened to it. Oh yeah.

Yeah, it was an interesting episode. It's disturbing. Maybe Jim Smith's just misunderstood. He could be. No. Okay. He's some creepy substitute teacher. Oh, never mind.

That I cannot condone. Substitute teacher? That's right. Disgusting. Disgusting. Okay, so let's close up the old plug bag. Ooh. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Beautiful. Yes, exactly. Whoa, doctor. Kind of hitting it off. Oh my gosh. Have you ever role-played before? I'd love to have you.

That's what therapy is all about. Beautiful. Oh, wow. I remember saying any of those things. That was awesome. That made my eyes go jet black. Oh, no. Okay, we gotta calm you down.

You get out of here. Thank you to... That was Comedy Bow Bow by Mack Lechner. Thanks so much to Mack Lechner. And guys, I want to thank you so much, John. It's so great to have you back on. Thank you for having me. Is it official?

Celebs are back? I think celebs are back. All right. And Bridget, so great to have you. It was mental to be here. Absolutely devastating. So sorry about the queen. What?

What happened to her? Oh, you don't even remember? What? Are you like a goldfish? You barely remember conversations? Is she okay? Did something happen? Oh, we'll talk about it after the show.

Sorry about Ted Lasso. Okay. Sorry about Ted Lasso as well. And Steve, your eyes are black, you're sweaty, your hands are curling up. Get me out of here before I do something I won't regret. Okay, we'll see you next time. Thanks, bye.