Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Live At The Bell House #1 w/ Jason Mantzoukas, Adam Scott, Paul F. Tompkins, Mike Hanford, Griffin Newman
Episode Date: April 26, 2023Recorded live at the Bell House in Brooklyn, NY, Scott is joined by Jason Mantzoukas, Adam Scott, Big Chunky Bubbles, John Lennon, and Silver Screen Sammy to celebrate the release of Comedy Bang! Bang...! The Podcast: The Book. Visit https://www.comedybangbangworld.com/book/ to get your own copy of Comedy Bang! Bang! The Podcast: The Book!
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Music
New York City, thank you so much.
Thank you, thank you so much.
Welcome to the bell house.
You can teach an old dog new tricks.
No, fucked it up already.
I feel like Chris Rock in his life special.
You can't teach an old dog new tricks,
but you can smear peanut butter on it.
Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.
Thanks to AJ.
Hope that's AJ from the Sopranos.
Just a stone's throw from here in New Jersey.
People from Jersey here?
And proud of it.
I have no idea, I've never been there.
Thank you so much for coming to the show.
This is not only Comedy Bang Bang,
but this is in celebration of Comedy Bang Bang,
the podcast, the book.
Thank you.
Did you all get a copy of the book coming in here?
Feel free now, turn to page 65 in your hymnals.
We're going to have fun celebrating the book here tonight.
We have some contributors here from it,
as well as one other guy.
And by the way, now that you all were given something heavy coming in,
if at any point you don't like the show,
feel free to throw the books at us
and say, I don't like this.
Totally get it.
We do have a really great group here with us today.
We are very proud of the book and hope you really enjoy it.
And sincerely, I'm really happy that you guys are interested enough to read it.
And let's get to the show because we have some great people who contributed to it.
What do you say?
I think there are too many chairs out here.
Don't expect seven.
All right, well, let's get to our first guest.
He's not really a guest.
He's more of a co-host for the show.
You know him as one of the hosts of the How Did This Get Made podcast.
Welcome, Jason Manzukas.
What's up, jerks?
How we doing, Brooklyn?
That's right.
Throw your books now.
Hang on, man.
I've never seen you so amped.
I love this side of you.
That was it.
That's it?
Okay, shut down.
That's all I had.
Power down.
Hey, pal.
Hi, pal.
So good to see you.
Look at us.
What?
I cut myself on your nipple.
It's so erect right now.
So happy to be back on stage.
I'm so turned on by this audience.
Very sexy crowd here in New York.
Hot crowd.
I asked them to put an extra seat for Elijah.
Who's doing Elijah tonight?
You'll see.
Jason, so good to see you.
For real to be here.
I used to live right here at the bell house.
I don't care.
What I was going to say.
You'd go, your thing.
It's good to have you on the East Coast because you were supposed to do some of the East Coast
dates with us on our tour last summer.
And then what happened?
I got COVID.
Oh.
After years spent hiding in my house.
Where you truly barely came over to my house.
No.
And the first few times you dained to come over to our house outside, you still wore a
mask the entire time.
And so you avoided it for the longest time.
I did.
And then we did the, how did this get made tour?
Night three in Texas.
Houston, Texas.
Boy, did I get COVID.
I just got full blown COVID.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Had it gross.
Had somebody had had the, had the, the nurse came to give me the test and the, and a bunch
of other stuff.
And I was like, you know, is this something that could have been avoided?
Cause the new booster was coming up.
Right.
You hadn't even gotten that.
There was a, there was a shot that was going to be out in two months or a month.
I think I got it right after the tour.
So yeah.
And so I was like, would this have been like, would I, am I just not having enough antibodies
could, if I went and got waited until that shot.
And she was like, I'm not the right person to ask.
I don't really believe in vaccines.
And I was like, madam, you are a medical professional.
You are here in scrubs.
So super quick.
Who here believes in vaccines?
That's right.
That's right.
Not a hundred percent agreement.
I'm hesitant to ask the other question.
Anybody here not believe in vaccines?
Cool.
The bell house, baby.
Well, you're here now.
I'm so glad.
I'm thrilled, thrilled to be here.
Amir, I used to live in Carroll Gardens and then.
Oh, so back to your thing.
What's that?
Oh yeah.
Back to my thing.
Go ahead.
Boy, this neighborhood wildly different than what I lived here.
When I lived here, there was a huge movement to stop Whole Foods from moving into this
neighborhood.
Now, having just driven here, this neighborhood appears to be all Whole Foods.
All Whole Foods all the time.
I was like, what the fuck is going on?
The people at the Park Slope Food Co-op would not allow this.
These are very local.
Local references.
Local jokes.
Local jokes.
I appreciate you bringing this to the crowd.
I don't know.
I don't know.
What's going on with the glasses?
They're coming on.
They're going off.
I'll be honest.
I want to wear them to see better, but I didn't clean them backstage.
Feel free to clean them right now.
I'm going to clean them in a minute when we're talking about talking.
There's something else.
Okay.
Well, Jason, you...
So when I leave stage, that's why.
Scott, that's why.
You have to do it backstage?
I've got to go backstage.
For what?
The little cloth.
I don't want your cloth.
Front row lady waving a cloth like she's surrendering to the bad guys.
I don't need your cloth.
I don't need your eye schmutz on my eyes.
These motherfucking New Yorkers are trying to give me pink eye.
Nice try.
You have your own special cloth devoted for this purpose.
Of course I do, Scott.
Could someone find it and bring it out to you?
No, I don't want them to.
Because that would mean someone else touching the cloth.
I don't want them touching my special cloth either.
My special cloth.
Tell the truth.
Is this your blankie from when you were a child?
It's the last little scrap of blankie.
And it doesn't clean my glasses.
It just scratches them to the point where they absolutely can't see through it.
How you been?
I've been good.
And Jason, I wanted to thank you.
Sorry.
Am I not allowed to touch you?
You can.
Okay.
I wanted to thank you because you wrote something.
Well, I mean, you didn't write something for the book.
Sure I did.
Well, I mean, yes.
I have a guess.
Can we bring it up here on the screen?
What Jason wrote?
This is the only time I will write anything that looks like I'm published in The New Yorker.
Yes.
This is your real name, Jeffrey Carragiouides.
Of course.
And my real head shot from, I think, 2003?
That sounds about right.
When I think I took that picture.
With a strange ring on my finger.
Yeah.
I don't remember when I wore a ring, but I did.
So much so that I was like, I need it in my head shot.
I identify with this ring.
I think it was 2003 because normally the Twin Towers would have you in the shade.
But there's never forget.
Plenty of light.
Plenty of light on you.
Heard someone go, shh.
The less you think here in New York, we're going to shy away from 9-11 jokes.
We are all in.
But it was very nice.
I took this on the top of Building 7.
Controlled explosion.
Okay.
Now we're starting to lose people.
Now this is the point.
Jet, fuel, can't, melt, steal.
All right.
I'm just trying to get a sense of what this crowd's all about.
Honestly, most of you are too young for 9-11, right?
Yeah.
You're one of the few pro-vaccine 9-11 was an inside job type.
Yep.
Love the vaccine.
Mostly because I want Bill Gates to know where I am and what I'm up to.
It's not that I don't believe in the conspiracy theories.
I like them.
You want to be involved?
Chip me.
Please chip me.
Hey, someone want to chip me tonight?
But basically what you wrote for the book is your...
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The book, the book, the book.
The story behind the development of your character, which we're seeing right now.
The Jason Manzook character, the abrasive, loud, obnoxious...
Which a lot of the jokes about 9-11 are things you wouldn't actually...
Jeffrey character, we'd...
He's would never make those jokes and finds them reprehensible.
Right.
And tonight we'll make sizable donations to offset what he said.
When do you slip out of the character?
When you go home, do you drop it?
Like when you shut the door behind you?
Here's the thing I used to, but now I can't.
Oh.
It's really hard if I...
I have to stay Jason Manzookus all the time.
Otherwise, nights like tonight suffer.
I appreciate it.
I mean, no one appreciates it more than me.
Oh, my God, thank you.
It really is special what you've done.
And it's a testament to your hard work.
And I'm glad that finally you're getting the word out,
because otherwise no one would know that you've been involved in the deepest of cover.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I mean, I lived here in New York for 13 years doing comedy.
This is where I really built this character.
Yeah.
I mean, you were doing horrible comedy.
Terrible.
Just terrible.
Describe some of your improv.
Were you doing improv before?
I did an improv show for over a year at UCB at midnight, Saturdays at midnight.
There was an improvised Saturday morning cartoon in which I played Ricky Martin.
Real show called Cartoon Chaos.
We did it for a year, Saturdays at midnight, never once successfully.
The show was terrible, top to bottom.
T2B never succeeded.
So you were playing the gay Hispanic Ricky Martin.
Correct.
And this was during the Jeffrey character Wheaties days?
Nope.
Jason Manzukas trying to crack that code, unsuccessfully.
What was some of the stuff you would do as Jeffrey character Wheaties, though, before you developed the character?
Oh, well, that was all just, you know, mostly just theater.
Spacework.
Yeah.
Spacework, Meisner, you know, it was like a lot of just deep immersive theater, lots of performance art.
Do you still remember any of the movies?
I'm not going to do any of that.
Okay.
All right.
I see where you're going.
I see you trying to find a footing.
Hey, I'm a guy who got pimped last night into doing his Disneyland audition dance.
So...
Wait, what?
I did a show here last night.
Oh, here?
What was it?
We don't need to go into it.
Oh, we're not promoting...
It's a great show.
We're not promoting other podcasts.
No.
We're not promoting other podcasts.
We're here to promote the book.
Oh, yeah.
Well, it's really special.
When do we do the Q&A with the audience?
You want to do a Q&A?
Is that what you said?
At the end of the show, I think we should absolutely do a Q&A.
Do a talk back?
Talk?
Yeah, let's...
All book tours feature a talk back with the author.
I think at the end of the show, it...
It makes absolute sense that any idiot here
be allowed to ask anybody on stage a question.
I get it.
I mean, technically, I'm not the author.
You wrote more pages than I did, I think.
If I'm not mistaken, I believe you wrote no pages.
Come on, I wrote a few.
Did you?
Yes.
Okay.
Approximately three.
I'm pretty...
Yeah, are you sure cool if I didn't write those pages?
I may have written some pages that someone else purportedly wrote, but...
Well, it's great that you're here.
Oh.
Are you bruised?
It burns.
It burns.
Why does it burn?
It's the Hellfire touch.
Oh.
Whatever no sphere burns at the touch.
It's great to have you.
Jason Manzuchus, everyone.
Hey.
Hey.
Jeffree Karachauides.
How do you want to do this?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I mean...
But we...
We don't want to scare away the next person.
We have a big show, so we need to get to our next guest.
Let's do it.
Not seven people, but six.
Or eight.
We can bring another chair out.
I looked back there.
There's a bunch.
There's a bunch?
I came so close to coming on stage with a chair.
So close.
I was like... too heavy.
All right.
Well...
I'm having fun.
Okay.
It's so good to have you.
I'm having fun with you.
I'm so glad we took a trip together.
I'm so happy we're here in New York together.
Yes.
We love each other.
All right.
Let's get to our next guest.
This is a gentleman with a wonderful CV, as it were.
He's...
It's great that he's in New York City and could join us.
He started off on NBC's The Office, and then he now has a show on Apple TV called Spasm.
Please welcome Adam Scott.
Adam Scott, everyone.
Thank you, Adam.
You missed some over there.
You missed some over there.
I just want to eat them all up.
If you could eat people, would you?
I would eat all of these people.
Oh, yeah.
This is a chompable crowd.
Just eat them all up.
Guys look delicious, aren't they?
Adam, so good to have you on the show.
Thank you.
Wonderful.
I mean, you've done so much great work.
Thank you so much.
Congratulations to you and the entire Spasm cast.
Thank you very much.
All of us over at Spasm are really excited that I was able to make it here tonight.
You came straight from the Spasm set, did you not?
You came right over from Spasm.
This is...
I mean, are these your Spasm clothes?
These are my Spasm clothes.
These are the clothes that I perform Spasms in.
Tell us about your...
The signature Spasms that we all go through.
Tell us about your character Delroy.
Delroy.
Delroy is...
Some people call him naive.
I call him just a little off, okay?
But it is Spasm.
So...
Wonderful.
How are you?
I'm good.
Nice to have you here.
You, of course, contributed to the book.
I'm looking over your shoulder at the screen,
not at anyone creeping up behind you.
You look behind...
It looked like you were alerted to somebody creeping.
Yeah, someone with a knife.
You're very jumpy tonight.
What do you mean?
There are people who, because of Spasm, are out to get him.
That's true.
Yeah, a lot of Spaz heads.
Spaz heads.
Yeah, having their Spaz attacks.
Not sure we can say that anymore.
I don't think we are supposed to say that.
90% sure we cannot say that.
But that's what they call themselves.
What are we supposed to do about it?
Spazids?
You know, I heard something...
When I was backstage, I heard something out here
that really got me excited.
I don't know which one of you said it,
but jet fuel cannot melt steel.
Adam, I'm thrilled that you are as interested as me
in talking about 9-Eleven for the whole show tonight.
Is everybody up for this?
Are we really up for this?
You brought a slideshow here.
I sure did.
No, but speaking of slideshow...
It's not working.
Isn't this how you do it?
We're going to watch Loose Change.
I think you're just miming it is the problem.
Yeah, that's why I don't have any...
Yeah, you don't actually have it.
That's the issue.
But speaking of the slideshow,
you did contribute to the book.
Could we see Adam's contribution to the book
if that's okay?
He gave us a blurb on the back.
Yeah, I wrote this.
Yeah.
Do you want to read it?
Yeah, I do.
That's what I want to do.
Oh, you want to do it out loud?
No, I was just going to read it.
Can we talk about it first?
Yeah, sure.
Of course.
Can we...
What about this?
Do you want to talk about how long it took to write?
Yeah, I mean, you name the topic.
I'd love to talk about how long it took to write.
I will say, as a fellow contributor,
I spend months on mine.
That's mainly because you wrote it
right before the deadline.
That is correct.
I was supposed to write it months earlier,
and I did not.
Well, I wrote mine.
I think you had asked me a couple of times
to send me something.
I did the typical Adam-Scott interaction,
which is to text you incessantly
and then get a one-word response weeks later.
Yeah.
You're welcome.
That's usually the response.
So I believe this...
If we're going to talk about the amount of time
from when you first asked me to have a blurb
to when I sent it to you,
this took months.
Yes.
And how long did the actual writing of the blurb take you?
Probably about as long as it'll take me to read it right now.
Okay.
Okay, so what I'm talking about in the blurb
is the comedy bang-bang book
that we're all here to celebrate and honor.
By burning it.
A big pyre right in the middle of the room.
We're going to fly a plane into it.
Now, hang on, guys.
I know you're thinking...
This is a lot of 9-11.
I was with you earlier.
This is now too much.
But we're only a third of the way through it.
Oh, yeah.
Seriously, though, if there is any steel in this building...
Okay, so that's what I'm talking about in the book.
The book that we're all here to celebrate and honor.
Okay, so just so we're clear, that's what this is about.
Okay?
Set the table.
Okay.
So, here we go.
So, when I start reading it,
that's what I'm going to be referring to.
When I say CBB book, comedy bang-bang book.
Oh, okay.
I didn't even get that when you gave it to me.
Okay.
I'm glad I'm going through this.
And for those of you who have it here,
which is, I think, everybody,
you are holding the very book that is what's at him.
Thank you, Jason.
Thank you.
Does anyone have one?
Everyone has the book here.
Yeah.
Do you mind if we...
This is the book.
Okay.
That's actually super helpful,
not for the podcast listeners,
but for people in the room
who might not know the book we're talking about.
This is it.
Yeah.
For the podcast listeners,
do you want to describe the book?
Yeah.
So, they...
It's like eight feet wide.
Okay.
Should we explain what a book is?
Yes.
Is this at all...
Thank you.
What about paper?
Are people going to understand what paper is?
Wow, wow, wow.
Okay, wrong.
Should we start with trees?
Yes.
I'm lost already.
Anyway, this is it.
Comedy Bank Bank, the book.
This is it.
Blurb that I wrote is on the back here,
among others.
We've blown it up much larger on the screen.
Do you want to...
You know, Adam, I was thinking,
everyone has the book.
Maybe we could all read it at the same time.
If you could.
Turn it around.
It's on the back,
and we can all read it together.
Make sure it's not upside down.
Yeah, because then it'll sound different.
Yeah.
Scott, just briefly,
while people are taking out their books and getting ready,
did you ever think to publish the book at this scale?
I know.
It's really tempting now that I see it.
Honestly, also because so much easier to read.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, that would be a trim size of approximately...
We shouldn't talk about trim.
That's a separate podcast.
Are we talking trim tonight?
That's our show, Drippin' Milk, and this is not an episode of that.
Drippin' Milk Season 2, talking trim.
Okay, so if everyone's ready,
we're going to read it together.
Everyone has their book out.
Here we go.
And we do not read the quotation marks out loud,
just FYI.
And before you start,
nor the commas.
We don't say comma out loud,
apostrophe.
Other than that, I think we're...
One suggestion, if you don't know a word,
just sound it out.
Sound it out.
Or you can ask one of us.
That's what we're here for.
Should we take it?
I'd also like to just give, if we might,
a single piece of direction.
Okay.
In that we...
pronounce the text in blue
in all caps the way that it's written.
Right.
That's true.
You don't have to scream.
You should though.
When you say the blue text.
Okay, are we ready to kick this off?
All right, let's go.
Okay, here we go.
Three, two, one.
Quotation mark.
No, no, no, no.
Let me stop you.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
I almost did it too.
So that's good.
I'm glad.
Horse of habit.
Can I ask you,
when you're on the set of spasm.
Yeah.
Each of your lines,
do you start by saying Delroy?
I do first.
At first.
And then we...
They cut that out usually.
Super real.
And then we're able to keep going.
Oh, you know what?
I'm glad we paused for a second.
Just because I'm looking at the words
and I'm not sure...
There's one I'm not sure how to pronounce.
Oh, okay.
I'm just going through all the words.
It's right there.
Words.
Okay.
Got it.
You said it right actually before.
You said you didn't know how to pronounce it.
Interesting.
Yeah.
I'm glad we're doing this, Jason.
I'm thrilled.
It's helping me a lot.
I've just noticed how I'm sitting in this chair.
I have one of my legs over the arm wraps.
Okay, Adam, thank you.
Yeah.
Because here I have a huge grievance and grudge.
Great.
That all comedy podcasts
think they need to put you on stools.
Yeah.
High stools that you're like...
Yeah.
I feel...
I always feel like I'm a little kid.
Like, hi, I'm doing a show.
Hi.
Why don't you sit cross-legged then?
Down on the floor.
Chris Cross applesauce?
Yeah, sure.
Go ahead.
I would love to.
I would love to also just sit on a regular goddamn chair.
Yeah.
So my feet are on the ground, so if an attack happens, I can get out of here quick.
Meanwhile, I'm like...
Let me see the difference.
Adam, do you mind playing an attacker really quick?
Absolutely, no problem.
Let me see the difference of how quick you can do it this way from...
Okay, so let's say we're just doing the show.
Yeah, we're shooting the show.
Do you want me to come from behind or from where I am right now?
I think...
How do attackers...
You know what?
I think from the audience, because that's where these fuckers are coming from.
Let's be honest, they've got a very important note I need to read.
All right, so...
Anyway, what a great time.
Oh my God, I'm having such a good time with you.
Jason, I love performing on stage with you.
Sorry, guys.
Yeah.
When you want me to start the attack, just give me a signal.
Okay.
What kind of signal?
A hand signal.
Hand signal.
Got it.
Like this?
Like a sh...
Like hang loose?
Like a shaka?
Hang loose.
Hang loose?
Okay.
So we'll just do like it's the regular show.
So writing the book, I feel like for you must have been an incredibly...
I mean those three pages were just so difficult for me to write.
Did you feel at any time like you knew what you wanted to say, but were having a hard time
getting it out?
Yeah, but I just relied upon Thesaurus.com most of the time.
Thesaurus.com.
So you're here promoting Thesaurus.com?
Thesaurus.com.
I would just put it on random.
Put it on random?
Whatever word popped up, I would throw into my...
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
That's interesting.
I never would have thought of that.
I'm realizing we forgot to...
Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, we forgot to give you the signal.
Fuck.
That's fine.
We got so into it.
We got so wrapped up in our own thing.
And Thesaurus.com.
Yeah.
We're not up yet.
It's okay.
Sorry.
We'll remember to give you the signal right now.
Okay.
Adam, turn that the other way around.
No, no, no, no.
I'm stuck.
I'm stuck above.
I'm too high.
Yeah.
These chairs are bullshit.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right?
That bit's gonna play great in audio only.
I mean, because it plays so well in the room.
So let's read this.
Yeah.
Okay.
Here we go.
By the way, can you read it in under five seconds?
How quickly do you think you could read?
I could...
I'll promise you this.
I can read it in under seven minutes.
Okay.
Yeah.
Sure.
I'll take that.
Okay.
Here we go.
Everyone up there, books out.
Everyone's ready?
Okay.
Because we're all gonna read it together.
Here we go.
One.
Should we count one, two, three, or three, two, one?
Let's count.
You guys care.
Let's count up to 10.
Okay.
Here we go.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
I feel like we should go down though.
I think you're right.
I do feel like it should be in reverse.
Down from 20.
Down from 20.
Sure.
Okay.
Also because that will help everybody get in the rhythm.
Yeah.
That's right.
And you can make sure you have your books out.
Here we go.
I'm not...
I'll be honest.
A lot of you don't have your books out.
I'm a little worried.
Which makes me think you're not gonna read from the book.
So how are you gonna participate?
Yeah.
You know what?
We should give them more time to get their books out.
Down from 40.
Ready?
Yeah.
40.
39.
38.
37.
36.
35.
34.
33.
32.
31.
30.
29.
28.
27.
26.
25.
24.
23.
22.
Oh.
20.
20.
You said 21.
You jumped.
You jumped out.
Oh, goddammit.
I'm sorry.
We gotta start over.
Let's just go straight in.
Go again.
Straight away.
Let's go again.
Okay.
40.
39.
38.
39.
38.
37.
36.
35.
34.
33.
32.
31.
30.
29.
28.
27.
26.
25.
24.
23.
22.
21.
20.
19.
18.
17.
16.
18.
17.
18.
17.
16.
15.
14.
13.
12.
11.
10.
9.
8.
7.
6.
5.
4.
3.
2.
1.
Everything you want is a CBB book, chapters, pages, words, letters, pictures,
symbols, winks, gravy, live v's, and of course, Scott's signature dance.
I'm going to read it five more times, then go back to sleep.
And I'm Scott!
I'm in a full body sweat.
That really was exhausting.
That was electric.
I think I have COVID now.
Can you get COVID from reading out loud?
Yes!
Yes!
Droplets!
All these fucking monsters!
We asked them to shout droplets right at us.
But still, I just want to eat them all up.
Well, Adam, thank you so much for participating with that.
It means a lot that you're here tonight.
Thank you.
And... yeah.
Yeah.
I love it.
You know what?
I love it.
I love seeing it up on the screen.
I love that.
I'm just going to be honest.
When I wrote this, I never dreamed that I would see it up on the big screen.
Did you?
Did you?
Because now you're a published author.
Absolutely.
Now you're a published author.
You feel as though that adds just another element to your career that's exciting to you.
Are you going to develop this into anything?
Yeah.
Thank you for saying that.
You're welcome.
Absolutely.
I mean, it's more than just a feather in the cap, okay?
Yeah.
Which it is.
But yeah, I think...
If you could have a feather in your cap, from what bird?
Emu.
Emu?
Pigeon.
But you... I mean, Adam, you have a cap full of feathers.
You're like...
So many feathers.
Your head is just covered with feathers like an Indian headdress.
Thank you.
You might as well hollow out a bird and wear it on your head for how many feathers you've
got.
Yes.
That makes me really hungry.
I mean, you're a published author.
Yes.
You're a bad actor.
Yes.
Other things.
But those are two feathers.
Yes.
Most caps can even carry that.
I'd love to talk to you about the movie Torque.
Absolutely.
That's your other show.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry.
We're not doing...
We're not doing how to dis-give-mate tonight.
But it is really special, and I thank you so much, and usually when you thank someone,
they thank you back.
No, thank you.
I appreciate...
Oh, okay.
I appreciate...
You know what I appreciate?
I appreciate it being asked.
I appreciate it being asked.
Yeah.
And it is great to see it on the big screen.
This is like...
It's like seeing it on the big screen.
This technically is better than any movie you were ever in.
It's more fulfilling.
I got paid more.
Was there ever a point in which myself or Adam were going to be featured in the cover
as such huge contributors?
But I can't help but notice neither of us is featured in this cover.
Because there's...
Rob Schneider is there in the cowboy hat.
So he made it on there.
He made it on Randy Quaid is there in the back.
It's a gorgeous cover.
So...
It really is.
But no, I never...
What's worse, that I didn't ask you or didn't even think to ask you?
They're both really bad.
Yeah, I'm seeing that now.
But thanks for being part of the back of the book.
No problem.
Thank you.
The very last thing anyone will read.
Thank you.
Scott, everyone.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, a wonderful panel already.
And I'm afraid...
And we have seven more people to go.
I'm afraid I'm going to bring the mood down a little bit.
Oh, boy.
No.
Because I genuinely am friends with both of you.
Yeah.
Are we friends with you?
I don't...
Only you can answer that question.
And by the end of the show, those questions will be answered during the Q&A.
What if Maury Povich came out with an envelope and told me whether you were my friend or
no?
The big friend reveal at the end of the show.
I dance around.
Scott, would you be surprised to know that Adam is not your friend?
Ooh boo.
You dance around.
But the next person I'm bringing on, I genuinely hate.
He is a children's entertainer of note.
Please welcome Big Chunky Bubbles.
Hi.
BCB, how are you?
That's right.
It's me, Big Chunky Bubbles.
Do you remember what I do for a living?
You are...
For those of you who don't know BCB, he is a children's entertainer.
That's right.
You blow bubbles for children.
I don't blow bubbles.
Your breath is not involved.
No.
I mean, I'm breathing while I do it.
Thank God.
I...
Yeah.
I'm sure you're real relieved.
Have you ever forgotten to breathe in the middle of a performance?
What are you talking about?
Forgotten to breathe?
Like, I'm up there doing my thing and then, oops, I forgot to inhale.
Hey, that's the opposite of Bill Clinton, right?
Uh, yeah.
Did you just try and high-five me with the back of your hand?
Yeah.
Well, I felt bad about, like, giving you the part I touched stuff with.
Oh, okay.
You know what?
I appreciate that.
You didn't feel bad doing it to me.
You're disgusting.
This is my left.
You should feel bad about making the Bill Clinton joke in 2023.
We're coming up on the 30th anniversary, I believe, of him.
Oh, good.
I'll send you a cake.
What do you...
What do you...
You celebrate it every year, don't you?
Of course.
29 years.
Um...
28.
27.
27.
26.
I don't blow bubbles.
I'm a bubble artist, and I create bubbles out of soups, stews, and jowders.
See, the people know.
The crowd furiously checking the wiki.
Uh...
But correct me if I'm wrong.
Oh, I will.
I'm ready.
By the way, we're all right here on you.
There are but two chowders, are there not?
No.
Go on.
What do you think the two chowders are?
You're thinking of clam chowder.
And corn.
But there's multiple clam chowders.
There's multi, even he knows.
But those are all variants of clam chowder.
All chowders are variants of chowder.
But those are variants of soup.
Oh, this hamburger has lettuce on it.
Hmm, must be a different strain.
I don't know, I didn't have to explain food to you.
What?
They made a blue car?
Now, I've seen everything.
Adam, what if you could make...
If you could make clam chowder with the blue milk from Star Wars?
Yes.
And then you would have blue chowder.
Right.
Well, why don't we have Han Solo whip us up a badge?
Since we're getting things from a fictional universe.
What is it?
Contagious what you have?
Now, everybody's dumb?
Oh, you're telling me.
Oh, wow.
You're gonna...
I'm trying to support you.
Look, look, look, look, look, look, look.
I'm trying to support you.
You don't think it would be great to go to a kid's birthday party with...
Jason.
Star Wars blue chowder?
This motherfucker, Scott.
Jason.
This motherfucker is getting on...
How did you get up from your chair so fast?
I don't know.
Let me tell you something.
There's no amount of fictional milk that makes a children's birthday party something you
want to go to.
They're the worst audiences in the world.
Oh, come on.
Tell these people out here who have kids who don't want to go to a birthday party.
You're telling me that if you said there's gonna be Star Wars blue milk bubbles there,
those kids are going in a second.
Made out of a seafood chowder?
Yes.
On a hot summer's day.
Who doesn't want pink eye and diarrhea from bubbles?
That was one of your taglines, right?
Why do I come on these shows?
I don't know.
You're very disrespectful.
I'm trying to be friends with you.
You are?
Oh, I didn't...
I thought you were...
This was...
Is this not marketing for you?
You're trying to get jobs?
I am?
Of course I am.
This is you being friendly.
I had no idea.
I'm sorry.
Pink?
By the way, I apologize.
He's more of a Trekkie.
Thank you for apologizing.
Thank you for...
That's not true either.
You were telling me backstage.
No, my favorite sci-fi show of all time, of course, is Blake Seven.
I don't even know what that is.
I barely do, but listen.
That's why it's your favorite.
We shouldn't press you on specifics.
I didn't come here to talk about that, so I won't.
Adam, what is your favorite soup if you had to pick?
Oh, well, let's just say an intruder comes to your house.
Yes.
What would I be making when he walked in?
Sure, but also if he were to...
He had some sort of weapon pointed to the back of your head.
He's going to kill you execution style.
Some sort of weapon.
Yeah.
But pointed at the back of your head.
Sure.
Could be a baseball bat.
A cat of nine tails.
Cat of nine tails pointed directly at the back of your head.
He's going to whip the back of the nape of your neck.
Right.
And I have to say...
And you have to say what your favorite soup is.
What do you say in that moment?
This is the weirdest home intruder I've ever encountered.
He's a weird guy, I admit.
But...
The original plot of Funny Games.
The original.
Right.
Before they changed it.
Before they changed it.
Think a lot, Michael Haneke.
The Studio Big Wigs, God willing.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, I would have to go with some sort of chowder.
Really?
Absolutely.
Okay.
And since there's only two...
It's a flip of a coin at this point.
I would have to go with a clam.
But which kind?
Manhattan or New England?
Well Manhattan, of course.
Whoa.
They've discovered a third chowder.
Whoa.
What is it?
Do we have to go over this whole thing again?
I want to do the whole thing again.
40.
39.
No, no, no.
38.
Sorry, we're pasting something from the next phone.
Turn that, Michael.
If I don't like something, I'm just going to yell no.
Did you think something...
Someone who was coming up from behind you?
I did for a second here.
The fuck is going on?
Get a little feedback.
I just want to make sure.
I didn't think the show could get less professional, but you found a new speed.
Do you think I'm unpleasant?
Yes.
Big, big chunky bubbles is like the Statler and Waldorf of the show.
Just up in the...
Up in just sniping.
They should have been the whole show.
You would watch that.
Just...
They're my favorite part.
I'd take that as a spin-off.
Because I hate frogs.
Frog...
Are there any...
Are there frog soups?
Are there any soups with frog?
Frogfish.
Frog legs.
You can make a frog leg soup.
Can you?
Can you make soup out of anything, Greg?
But does it make good...
But does it make for good bubbles?
Oh, boy.
That was an homage to your co-worker.
Can you make soup out of me?
You can tell them about that in the morning if you like.
Sure.
Different soups make different bubbles.
Of course.
It stands to reason.
What is the best soup for making a giant bubble?
A really big bubble?
The biggest bubble you've ever seen.
The biggest bubble?
I mean, beyond for artistic purposes, just for record-setting.
Now, are you in the record books in any way, shape, or form?
Because we have a contact at the Guinness Book of World Records.
It's not Fred Guinness, is it?
It's Fred Guinness.
I don't think I can go to hell.
You've interacted with Fred Guinness?
I've contacted him several times.
Really?
And he doesn't return your call?
He always picks up for us.
He and Ann talks...
It seems like he has a personal relationship with everybody else we know.
These are all callbacks to his show nobody's heard yet.
I called him because I am, by far, the most successful bubble artist working in soups,
stews, and chariots.
Wow.
No one else is even close.
So why did he turn you down for this?
I mean, why aren't you in the book?
He said it was too weird.
I didn't think he was allowed to say that.
What does he tell you?
He's one of the weirdest guys in the world.
He, like, devoted his life to writing a book about weird things.
They're not all weird.
To be fair.
I mean, it's a guy who can fit, like, a million cigarettes in his mouth.
Well, now you're defending the man who you just moments ago were deriding for ignoring
you.
But my thing isn't weird.
There's records for the fastest person who ever ran.
Aren't those just, like, Olympic records?
Yeah, but they put him in the book.
Why wouldn't they?
That seems like cheating.
These should be Guinness Book-specific records.
How would that work?
Do you think Guinness contracts people to do certain things?
He should be out there on the ground reporting his own records.
He can't just, like, contact the Olympics and go, hey, who's the fastest person who
ever...
Does he contact them or just watch them on TV like everybody else?
That's the thing.
This motherfucker.
If you can't remember, it's now it's in a book.
Why have you got me defending this man that I just found?
I'm on your side.
If you don't mind me, can I ask a question?
I do mind you, but go ahead.
I appreciate that.
How come you don't seem to work or have you tried and not been successful with bisques
at all?
Great question.
Crowd, crowd, very interested in this.
So much so that I don't want them on my side.
It's all right.
It's an actually interesting question, congrats.
Man, the more you neg me, the more I want to fuck you.
Is that what you're up to?
No, I'm still grieving my wife.
That's right.
Your wife, who, by the way, for those of you who don't know, she passed away in a...
She passed away.
How was it exactly?
It was an atrantic bubble accident.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
I made a soup that was too hot.
Was it your fault?
It was my fault.
She was so proud of me.
She was my biggest supporter and cheerleader, and she...
No, you can't take it that seriously.
Shame on you.
Your adults don't feel bad.
I was working on, as a matter of fact, a bisque bubble.
Oh, no.
Goodness.
The bisque bubble is the holy grail of bubble trees.
Of course, I'm assuming a lobster bisque because it's so rich and expensive.
Well, of course.
Nothing but the bisque.
Nothing but the bisque?
For my bisque bubble.
So I was almost there, and I called my wife in, much of the way that Alexander Graham
Bell called for a sister in law to.
What?
You're almost as inaudible as Dr. Sweetshot at this point.
What?
Holy shit.
You never heard of the telephone?
Well...
Alexander Graham Bell, what do you mean by the telephone?
He would say ahoy.
The first thing he did was yell for his assistant to come in and see that he'd done it.
Watson, I need you.
That's right.
Yes.
So, I said, honey, I'm doing it.
I'm doing it.
The bisque bubble, it's real.
He rushed into the bubble laboratory.
La-la-bub-ble-la-tory?
No.
No.
Okay.
Skye, come on.
Wow.
I'm sorry.
This is where your wife passed away.
Yeah.
Good chime in on the story about my dead wife.
Just grinding the show to a halt.
Who's over there now?
For worthy.
Someone right there.
Skye, you're trying to do psyops on me.
And she started rushing towards me to embrace me and I said, honey, no, it's too hot.
She got too close and the bubble burst.
It burned her skin right down to the skull.
Wow.
Like an Indiana Jones.
Wow.
It was like opening the Ark of the Covenant.
Oh my God.
She just like...
It happened so fast.
My wife standing there from the neck down, a person, and from the neck up a skeleton
head.
Come on.
No.
Did she ever go to the doctor to get a checkup from the neck up?
What do you mean?
Scott?
What do you mean?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
This is...
It's all right.
I know you're still sensitive about this, right?
Yeah.
Well, I mean, I guess that makes sense why you haven't attempted the Bisc Bubble again.
And I didn't know that, so I sincerely, I didn't mean to...
Or have you attempted the Bisc Bubbles since then?
I've thought about it every day since, and every...
Get a life for real.
Oh, if you're bad.
They're so enraptured by the story.
I mean, he's a wonderful...
Oh, they're inside.
Whatever you can say about him, he's a wonderful storyteller.
Every time I collect the ingredients for the Bisc, they start putting it together.
Inevitably, I look down on the terrain, and I see my wife's grinning skull looking back
at me.
Wow.
You've got to take that skull out of your terrain.
Yeah.
I appreciate it as a tribute, but you really should not keep it in there.
It's not our actual skull.
I have a weird guilt vision, don't you get it?
But do you... well, I feel like if this...
If your life...
Oh, boy.
If your life was a movie...
Are you all right?
If your life was a movie, if we made a movie of your life, which would be a great idea.
I would actually like to do this.
Act three would be you having to finish the Bisc successfully, and in doing so, finding
true love again.
Yes.
The first scene is your wife's face melting off.
Just started with a bang.
And then you keep flashing back to it, so you see it...
And you're turning your back on the Bisc.
Yes.
And on her.
Well, because she's dead.
It's kind of hard to get psyched about this.
I hear you.
I hear you.
But we could...
I bet if we beat this out for another 10, 20 minutes, we start putting note cards up.
We can get this done.
We can break the story, yeah.
You could play yourself.
Or you could play your wife.
Or you could play everybody Eddie Murphy-style clumps.
Yeah.
Or you could play everybody Eddie Murphy-style clumps.
Yes.
Yeah, don't they call it clumping it?
They say you can clump it.
You could clump it up.
Clump, clump, clump, clump it up.
Did you see that movie, The Whale?
One clump?
Forget it.
That's my point.
I can't wait for the other clumps to show up.
Instead of just a movie about a fat man having a feeling?
Weird.
I thought Eddie Murphy did great in it.
No, he's terrific as always.
Good to see him in whiteface again.
And that was just them being like the clumps technology is being ignored.
Big Chunky Bubbles, I did want to bring up your contribution to the book.
What book?
Oh, we're here doing a comedy bang bang book.
Everyone has one.
Comedy bang bang book.
It's a book.
Yeah, it's a book.
We actually have something that is related to you in the book.
Could we bring that up on the screen?
What?
How dare you?
This is a review from the newspaper of your act?
This happened in Montreal.
Guy LaChance, that hack.
It's, pardon me, I thought that we had your permission to put it in.
No, why would I ever grant permission when there's a big one there?
It is public domain, though, it's in the newspaper, so I think maybe we contacted them.
Oh, you're mad at Fred Guinness, though?
I think that, and I, why are you hanging out over my head?
I'm the keys mad at Fred Guinness.
You're mad at Fred Guinness.
You got me going crazy.
We love Fred Guinness.
You are attacking his policies, though, putting Olympic records into the Guinness, but we're
a record.
A new wrinkle to big chunky bubbles.
The monitors here are as bad as Largo.
Where are they?
They are just the speakers pointing out.
Right, that's not a monitor, son.
Now because we've established it from Adam's piece as well, we're going to count down
from 40 and we're going to read the whole thing.
It's long.
It's also quite brutal against you.
It is.
Yeah.
Very unfair.
Sorry, I just, you know, you wouldn't write me back when I asked you to write a piece for
the book, so I, you know, did I not have the right email address, or?
No, you did.
Those filters work like a charm.
Instagram filters?
No, email filters.
Try it sometime.
I will.
Are you, are you done, big chunky bubbles, are you down to inbox zero?
Yes.
That's admirable.
That's impressive stuff.
I pulled it off last year.
Very exciting.
I even replied to all the spams.
Oh wow.
I just wrote back, I'm not interested, I'd rather not, thanks.
I finally realized that you just cut and paste, please take me off your list.
I'm perfectly happy with the size of my penis.
Are you happy with the size of your penis?
I love it.
You love it.
Yeah.
Well.
That's the quote.
Yeah.
I'm perfectly happy.
See, if you would just would have written that, I could have put that in the book instead
of...
It's very suspicious when you ask me to write something for your book.
Yeah.
Sorry.
It'll seem like a trick in a trap.
Not a treat or a treasure.
No, we had a lot of people contribute things to the book.
Mine too.
Well, Brock love it, do you know Brock?
The treasure hunter?
Yeah.
Sorry, wet treasure hunter.
Right.
Right, yeah.
One time he found a diamond ring in one of my soups.
He said finders keepers.
Where did it come from?
An old lady threw it in there.
She told somebody's story of her life and then threw the diamond ring in a bowl of soup.
This guy has old ladies throwing jewelry out of night and day.
I would love it so much more if James Cameron was more interested in the depths of soups
and stews than our own oceans.
Yeah.
I read an interesting article the other day about if that were real.
What were?
The diamond?
The throwing the cordu la mer into the ocean.
Right.
I don't believe that the insurance, if they found it, the insurance company would have
kept it.
What are you, what are you reading?
What are you reading?
Insurance?
Insurance magazine?
You had the gall to call this an interesting article?
I read an interesting article.
You ought to be tried at the Hague.
This is a war crime, like 9-11.
Yeah, no shit, guys.
Balls flag.
Okay.
Honestly, where did you read that?
Like, what honest to God are you reading?
Like, it was, it was germane to the interests of Brock Lovett and myself, so I'm saying.
Was it your majesty to it as well?
That's the show.
Black it out.
It's not getting better.
So the insurance, what happened at the insurance?
Basically what they were positing is that if, if Brock Lovett were to retrieve the Cordilla
Mare, Billy Zane's character would have shut the fuck up.
You read an article above, Brock Lovett?
Yes.
Got it.
That Billy, whatever Billy Zane's character's name was, Cal, okay.
You're a big Titanic fan?
Love it.
I dare you not to cry.
He would have insured the diamond because it was worth so much.
So his he drowned on the boat, didn't he?
Or did he get off?
No, he was a coward.
He was a coward.
Okay.
He took someone's baby to escape.
He ate someone's baby to escape?
Yeah, he ate someone's baby to escape.
Took an 8, don't even sound alike.
That's in the deleted scenes.
So he got off, he would have filed an insurance claim for the...
What are you doing?
For the Cordilla Mare.
Luke, yeah.
So when it was found, it would be the property of the insurance company, not of Brock Lovett.
But it wasn't Brock Lovett's property anyway, it was Rosa's property because Cal gave it
to him and has a gift.
Did she declare it for tax purposes?
That's the other thing.
That's... that's paragraph eight.
Anyway, if he were here, I would tell him all about it.
But do we know that he wanted it for his own personal gain or did he just want to find
shit from the Titanic?
Was he like one of those, it belongs in a museum type snow?
Maybe.
I don't remember.
What types are those?
You know, like, not to bring up a movie that will trigger something for you, but Indiana
Jones with the melting faces.
I was trying not to say it.
You know those types.
God, these turkey bubbles, you're crying.
I'm weeping.
I'm so sorry, Petey.
Oh, by the way, that's...
Your name is...
Do you feel like if you...
Sorry.
Sorry, your name...
Sorry.
For those of you who don't know, I called you Petey because...
That's right.
My given name is not Big Junkie Bubbles.
Big Surprise.
My stage name, my real name is Petey Amin.
I don't think I knew that.
I got to read the wiki.
Sorry, so what were you going to ask?
I was going to ask, do you feel...
Because you just, I mean, we're here with you tonight, you seem truly still so heartbroken
at the loss of your life.
Do you feel like if you could accomplish the bisque bubble, it would give you closure?
Is there moving on from this?
That's a pretty big question.
Scott asked me to come out here to ask the big questions.
He said, I'm going to ask the little dumb questions.
I'm a coward.
If you could focus on big, interesting questions.
I know that my wife would want me to be able to do the bisque bubble.
Oh.
Aw.
Oh, Petey.
What was her name?
I don't remember.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know.
Let's...
That could happen when a woman's face melts away.
Exactly.
There are no distinguishing features left.
I had talked about this in a while.
So hard you start to forget about those people that you've lost, including their names.
Yeah.
Does anybody remember?
No.
Okay.
You don't have to say Alexander Graham Bell.
Yeah.
Trying to do a callback.
He thought you were talking about Alexander Graham Bell earlier.
He got that confused.
I don't need the explanation.
Okay.
A better name was something like RJ.
I want that for you.
I want for you to find closure in this world so that you can move forward and have happiness
again.
Find true love.
Wow.
Thanks, Weird Stranger.
Also, your children need a stepmother, you know, your wonderful children.
Oh, Robbie, Bobby, and Tag.
Names you remember immediately.
They're still alive and around me all the time.
Their faces still are right where they're supposed to be.
You seem to not like them.
You seem to not like them.
They're not my favorite.
Okay.
Maybe start working on the Bisk bubble again.
Oh, Jason.
You're more upset at that than the 9-Eleven stuff?
This crowd is unbelievably weird.
Go ahead.
Were you like this before your wife passed away or?
Unhappy to be on the show?
No, it hadn't happened yet.
Because we've only known you in the shadow of such an incredible tragedy, and you're
such an incredibly awful person to be around.
I'm just wondering if you were different before then, if she added some...
You know what, bro?
I'll grant you that.
I'm not the most pleasant fellow.
And yes, there was a time when I smiled and laughed.
I was quick with a joker to light up your smoke.
Would you make tonics in gin?
Yeah.
I remember one time going to this bar, and it was Saturday.
It was a pretty good crowd for a Saturday.
For five o'clock?
Were you there midday?
Or wait, you think midday is five o'clock?
What, are you a vampire?
You know, when I have a drink, it's midday somewhere.
To answer your question, yes, I was a more fun guy before.
Well, I hope you get back there.
I...
Maybe we could set you up with one of the guests on the show sometime.
I don't know, I mean...
To discover that joy again.
To feel as the...
Do you feel like the making of the bubbles now remind...
It's got to remind you of that tragedy.
You know, to have a family like Adam does, and like I do, and, well...
Oh, no.
He's married to show business.
I do have a family, by the way, of those three miserable kids.
But I will confess, I've been perusing the apps.
Really?
Are you on...
Are you on Bubble?
I'm on Ryan.
Oh, yeah?
I almost went on Bumble, because it was so close.
And, you know, it's a lot of swiping this way and that.
Sure.
Sometimes all I can see is just a skull.
Would that be attractive to you if there was just...
When you...
My question is, when you see a beautiful woman's face, are you picturing this skull beneath
it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what I just said.
Oh, sorry.
I didn't mean literally, there's skulls on Ryan.
Yeah.
I didn't know.
But would that...
Maybe...
Would that turn you on if you saw someone who was like the Red Skull, but...
The Red Skull?
The Marvel villain?
Yeah.
I mean, I know what a skull looks like.
You don't have to bring comic books into it for me to understand.
But no, it wouldn't.
I liked my wife when she had a face.
But I love her always.
Whatever her name was.
Big chunky bubbles, everyone.
Can you stick around, BCB?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, we have a wonderful guest right now.
He...
Adam, you and I have several podcasts about music.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We've covered...
YouTube.
YouTube.
Yes.
Yes.
R.M.
R.M.
R.M.
Sa...
Sa...
Sa...
Sa...
Sa...
So...
So...
Sashly?
Sasses.
Sauses.
The band's...
So are we doing a short form improv show?
Yes.
We're hoping to go off Broadway with it for next season.
That's right.
It's a little preview.
Get to the Cherry Lane.
But there's one band that we haven't covered. That's right, and that is of course the the fab four.
Yeah, and please welcome to the stage John Lennon.
Wow
They're sitting up. They're standing up. I should say amazing Jason is giving you a standing and walking out of the room ovation
That makes sense
John so good to have you. Oh my god. It's so great to be here in Brooklyn. How about that?
You know, I came all the way from Manhattan. It's great to thank you. Okay
Usually you thank you so much. I don't I haven't been on stage in a long time. This is big chunky bubbles
He's an entertainer as well. I saw him backstage. It's a pleasure to see you and doing bubble stuff
I was moving around doing bubble stuff. You were doing bubble stuff backstage. Yeah, you've never done it on stage. Why would I?
He put he put me in a bubble. He you know, he did the thing and I'm sitting there in a big stew bubble
Did you say it was big stew bubble very exciting back there and now I'm out here
But I was gonna say, you know, it's so great to be in Brooklyn with all the look at the hipsters out here
Drinking coffee, you know hipster. You can always tell the hipster because they drinking coffee after 6 p.m
I'm cool. You know, of course, don't see any right now, but you've got crazy haircuts out there. Look at these people
Wait, you're you're one of the people with the original crazy haircut the mop top itself. That's right. That's right
Because we were all so thin back then, you know, so we had mop bodies at first
And
It was so they would cut they would
Call you in the press they would call you the four mop bodies like the four sticks, you know
And I'd say wringle
I think they're talking to you because he would use drumsticks. He played the drums and he had two of Andy's behind us
Right, so I didn't see him. I like him the most, but I didn't I saw him the least
Did so so you thought they were referring to his two sticks, but they were seeing double or I know
I thought they were talking about his two sticks and the backups. Hey, he always kept a backup
Oh, you were playing live shows. How often would you turn around and look at Ringo?
Very seldomly only to be what song are we playing next? Oh, was he the guy who who had the order of the songs?
He had it all written down on his one drum if you go back and look at videos of him playing film
he would
He you'd always notice he'd never hit the floor Tom because that's where the the set list was taped
You know, he's he would always consider it
Yeah, right and then decide not to throw us all off at all right
He doesn't want to hit that one drum. We should add a drum to the second floor Tom so we can put that on it
Or maybe put you the set list, you know on the floor in front of you guys instead of a date could have it where were you?
I don't think I was on this earth yet, but you're still in your dad's balls
John have you started working glue?
I'm doing stand-up now. I'm doing a lot to you are I would love to see some of crowd work stand up
I'll do it for you. I'm seeing it. Yeah, I'd love to see who would like John Lennon do stand-up
Can we get a spotlight I
Don't think you're on and my mic's not on yeah, I'm gonna keep talking though. Oh, here. We are
No, okay, okay
Okay, they can make the the lights very bright
On Broadway Scott you'd fit in perfectly in this town
Hmm. Anyway
I thought you said something about Broadway. Okay, I'll do some of my crowd work. What are you?
What do you think you're some you fuckface? What do you think you're so great?
You think you're so special. I'm John fucking Lenin. I could have you thrown into a dumpster. What are you laughing at?
You say you're all
Get him out of here. I don't want any of these people in here
Wouldn't that be something if we just had this conversation by ourselves?
He is still that's good stuff. Yeah
I might steal a couple lines from you
Well, that would be an amazing double bill John Lennon opened by big chunky bubbles
We don't know the order yet
That sentence
For by the way, Adam, I don't know if you know this but John Lennon you're a big music fan
Yeah, this hasn't made it to Rolling Stone or anything like that
but
John was
Dead, how did you die again shot in the body?
Directly in the body. I glad no you were killed you were murdered on sight. Yes, right
I was coming out of my home, which I live in now still the Dakota
All right, I don't think I have any neighbors here
Hipsters, you know, you were coming out in and a man by the name of
Mark
Mark
Summers no
That's a different guy. He was the host of double dare. I think
You know it's confused because I've always wanted wanted to be on double there and I always wanted to not die
Right, remember those are my ones the two things got transposed. Yeah, also
His name is Summers and you died in the winter in December, of course, right? Oh
Oh, man. Thanks
Well, it a happy ending because came back to life came out how so how did that work?
How did you I was I was in there for four years and a casket in the ground and you get very bored in there
And I remember I had a book
I can't even remember the name of the book now and I read it and it was boring and I said I don't like this anymore got out
I'm walking around. I'm doing everything I used to do, but I don't tell Yoko that I'm alive. Please don't tell Yoko live
Because I'm borrowing one of her for haze and I don't want to give it back
You're still married
But that's the only reason you don't want her to know because you're borrowing pretty much and you know
I'm having a fun time being out without without her. Yeah, it's so strange. She hasn't run into you yet
I it's it's run very different circles
Didn't it happen I'm doing you're still at the Dakota still at the Dakota. She actually might have an apartment in there
I saw I see someone who looks exactly like her from behind and in the front too, but I'm all you know
I'm always wearing
The big nose and mustache and big glasses at trench coat
Bubble coat over the trench coat
Shoes too big
I
Don't know what an extra watch which I don't usually around her would only wear one watch and she looks at my wrist
Oh, two watches. Okay, never met this man. Don't know him at all
Although he knows my name
So you address her something like hello Yoko, how's your day been? How are our children?
Do you disguise your voice at all I tried to you I try let's hear it. Mm-hmm. I do a lot of that, too. Oh
Yoko, how you doing mate? How are our children? Oh
So you say look like they say our our children to our children does one still look like me almost exactly
She said oh kind of but he doesn't wear two watches
Got away with another one. How many just out of curiosity. Oh, how many children do you think you had with Yoko?
What she I'm asking as a fan
Well, I got the I had two wives
I think between us we had I want to say three kids
My birthday is October 8th
Take the win take the win
Out of curiosity and forgive me if this has been covered before but John have you seen the movie yesterday?
I've been I've heard about it this very interesting it
By the way, he he means that the movie called yesterday. He's not asking if you saw a movie yesterday
Oh, and then I don't know what you're talking about. Oh
I'm so glad I feel max is anyone up maxista
What is he talking about he comes out here half drunk
Well, there was a there's a there's a movie I think they're covering it on blank check next week a podcast where
The fans will really let you know if they don't like you
Or if they do, and
That's nice, too. I know there are nice people on the internet, too. We forget about them
But it's a Danny Boyle film that that
Is a movie about suddenly everyone in the world except for like three people forget who the Beatles are right?
Right, and I will say this in spoilers for the movie
You are still alive in the movie. I've heard of this in the timeline. Yeah, somebody playing me shows up
You're an old you're it wasn't you was it? No, I didn't I'm not back to when I got my glasses
I was just in that one in the wall movie, and I got those glasses
That's the other fact a lot of people know about me
But you were also in help you were in but I those those were glorified music videos
But what do you think about that supposition that if the Beatles never existed you would still be
I mean you are alive obviously, but you're live right and what I have all the money
No, I think he was pretty broke broke, and I would like that
I'd like to be more of a beetle guy who has all the money and fame
You like where you're at right now like where I'm at because I'm alive
I can do anything I want and people don't bother me and
I can play music if I want. No, I don't want to and you've never you I keep beseeching you to come
Bring your guitar and play some songs the damn thing. Well, you know what it is. It's Ringo's got it
He's still trying. He's still telling me he's going to sign up for guitar lessons
So you guys are in touch oh every day
Hey, that's why I was watching movies with yesterday. Oh wow
What do you guys watch? What kind of movies do our ring?
I mean that's wow isn't that interesting to think about John Lennon and Ringo star sitting together watching a movie
What are you guys up to like? What are you? What are you watching? Well? We're mostly
dishing
Whoever we see on TV, but these days we're watching we're getting into the Batman series
Christopher Nolan Christopher Nolan Batman and then we're gonna watch the one with Paul Dano
You're a big Paul Dano fan love Paul Dano, I absolutely love everything he's been in from
The girl next door. Uh-huh all the way up to there will be blood and then the movie I just mentioned
So you skip over from there will be blood to the Batman movie he was in right and I saw some of the fapolins
Sure some some I had it well here's what happened. I put it in a DVD player that I got it best buy
It was a $20 DVD player
Because I only have a few DVDs. I want to see you know, I don't need to buy an expensive one
Well, you know
Because it mostly it's streaming it seems like this side of the room doesn't understand it's mostly streaming
They're honest to God this side of the rumor assholes don't even don't even deal with him
I'm not even gonna bring up Blu-ray's heads blow up 20 dollar DVD player
Put the fapolins DVD I watch about half of it. It's stopped completely stopped the movie stop movie stop image
Jerked off to the side and it jerked off
Image jerk off I know what I said I do it
This is about a boy by the way, I would love to watch that version of the movie and
Yeah, I couldn't watch any more of it
But when I saw I didn't I didn't really find to engage you try like take it out
Rub it on your pants and then put it back in
That's what I don't have time to tell you mother the amount of surfaces. I rubbed it on we've rubbed it on everything to try to get it clean
You think we didn't try that. Did you try blowing in the in the DVD player inside?
shit
We were unplugging the plug blowing all over the plug and putting that back in
Because Ringo said I read this article about how plugs get dusty now, and that's a big thing
I said, okay, you're doing the one read you're reading around here. I'm not wow fascinating article. Did you work?
That one? Yeah, I
I read the headline
When you and Ringo are together you never think to it's never inspiring to come up with new music or yeah, nothing
Nothing creative starts happening. I'll sit down at the piano, and then we'll still will invariably get into you most of weird Al's catalog
So you just start playing something and then it just like oh no weird out
We know this one it's eat it so we'll go into that because we're usually trying to replicate
Have you guys ever thought about doing a weird Al cover band? That would be fun
Who would go to well who would really want to go see John Lennon and Ringo doing weird Al covers?
By the way, that would be millions of people like literally
Everybody in the world that at least at once God. I got a pitch
What if instead of a weird Al cover band you become a weird Al parody band and you parody the songs that weird Al's already parody?
So now we're your parody the weird Al parodies like you mean like continuing it. Yeah, what he said
But me
Welcome to comedy bang bang what he did, but I say it. Oh, but also louder
What he said, but but moments ago. Yes, okay
I'm glad even though there's no women on the show. He can still fit that behavior in
So y'all saying take the songs and make them silly I'll go back to the originals. No, just equally as silly. No
Make it take a sad song right and make it sadder and make it sad. Yeah
I
Recognize that lyric rooms up with
It's it's one of your songs great. What a lot great
Paul Paul John the Beatles a Beatles on shore John. What about a pop fuck you?
You fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you
Fight fight fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck don't do it. What were you saying?
He was saying fight. You were saying
Same sometimes Adam we were interrupting you what I wanted to know I
Wanted to know John. What about Paul Paul? We're talking about Ringo. What about Paul McCartney? He's still with us
He's still with us. He's great, but he's touring. You know, he's always so busy touring
But does he know you're alive? He knows yeah, I go in and I help him
You know run some of the songs rehearse the songs for tour and get him ready because he's such a nervous guy
You know, I'm not ready. I'm not ready. Are they gonna go out there. They're gonna throw popcorn at me. I
Say, you know Paul not to like first of all the stadiums he plays in a humongous to get a piece of popcorn anywhere is
difficult anyway
So he's nervous and I get him calm down. We run the songs Ringo and I and him and
George Harrison's son come by we do all the songs
In the wing songs the Beatles songs anything he wants to this is I mean people would pay to see this don't trust me
I know
They've told me and I said I'm not going out on the road again. Why are you afraid of the popcorn?
Right because they sell popcorn outside of movie theaters and stadiums, so it's everywhere now
They can get you anywhere. No, but for real though for real for real. I'm just joking about the real I
Don't want to travel with those two because the those two get together and they prank me
This is okay, so this is the real is this why the Beatles broke up. We've never heard these more or less I
You know, it's only so many times I could walk into a doorway and have a bucket drop on my head filled with
water or worse I
I read that the you know, what what's worse? Can I just enter please go ahead? Yeah, are we talking?
Chisholm
Not worth it bucket. I mean a whole tour. No, well, right you run out of ideas and then
No, just you're saving it up. Huh? Oh
No, you guys those guys are like the jackass of music. They're constantly just pranking each other
You can go. Oh, my name is Paul McHodney and welcome to jackass
Was that a good liver puttley and accent the best
Hey, I just listen to you and I do it exactly the way you would do it
Yeah, so right that I didn't want to do the the pranking anymore. Yeah, and that's understandable
It's hard. It's hard to be you know, you go to bed and find a cockroach in it. Wait, are you sure they did that?
Or were you just in a nasty hotel?
Who's who's to say but it was all around the same time of the pranking so it felt like it was all at me
No, the bad energy was a lot of bad energy
So you you found one cockroach in your bed one night, right and you quit the Beatles
Well, when you say it right when you say it like that, you're right. I mean, can you even can you even be sure?
They put it there really. No, you can't be you can't did you ever ask them? Hey, I was always shy around them
Because you don't want to say the wrong thing or they'll throw it in your face
This all might have been just an enormous misunderstanding
I know looking at it now all these years past. I can't help but feel foolish
For not speaking up and that's something is sort of we're all
working on these days, right folks would
When we're in therapy or with our loved ones, the things are a lot easier when you're communicating
I like that you keep trying to engage the people that are behind you feel so bad versus I'm like fuck these assholes. Oh my god
Can't can we talk about what you wrote for the book briefly? Let's bring it up on the stage
You you were kind enough to send us something that you wrote
All right, you wrote a track by track review of the Beatles record one
What am I my absolute favorite beat is Beatles album?
Yeah, it was hits
Well, it was it was the best of that stuff number one number one's not just best of the best
of So you you graded all of the tracks graded all the tracks a lot of them got a's
B-plus
Somebody did some drawings that I don't know who did that but
That all those weren't you I assume that was you doodling
Oh, no, I mean I did doodles and then sent them in and say do something like this and they did then they did a
Worst version of my doodle so I and you were like, oh no
I meant for you to do a better version right do a better version
Oh, and then I think a lot of email exchanges and I think the last one was just well you fucking deal with it
And then that was to me so that I had to go out to hire somebody on my own with my own money
I
Had somebody
Really great street artist, you know tagging is what the he was tagging everything it was tagged me
I was walking by him and
I said, you know, I jumped I left out of the way because anytime you hear a hissing noise from the spray can I hate snakes
You know I
jumped away
You famously are known for absolutely hate them
There are a lot of your songs were about your hatred of snakes. It's one of the things everybody knows about you
Yeah, three children right that your birthday is October 9th. I I say eight. Yep. Sorry
You might be right. I was guessing
Eight snakes eight snakes can't stand them so
It's because of the no legs, you know
You hate cuz I don't mind lizards. Yeah
And you feel about spiders, they're full of legs. Well, they've got quite a few legs, but I don't like how light they are
I don't like I don't like them at all. So what I'm with you
Chunky bubbles big chunky bubbles
Big joke, I forgot the big pop
What wasn't
It wasn't the song imagine about snakes originally, you know how like yesterday was about scrambled eggs originally, right?
Well, imagine all the people fit better than imagine all the
Snakes
and we added an extra but
Yeah, imagine all the snakes slithering around crawling into your shoes crawling into your coat pockets getting it was a Christmas song
and getting into the presence
and
Looping looping the presence with their tail and scooting them out of the room
Opening them and slithering up to your bed and saying you got a leg. Oh, so ruining Christmas for you
So in in that rendition the snakes speak and everybody understands like everybody speaks parcel tongue or something
Well, it was like that to me where is that the case for because I feel like watching the Peter Jackson documentary
It seemed like the raw materials for a lot of those songs had to do with all sorts of stuff
Like we're most of the hits we know snake based, right? He jumped in he started all about him
But whoever's shot that documentary
The guy who wanted you to perform in Egypt or whatever it was whatever his name was that motherfucker Michael something
Egypt though Egypt, you know a lot of snakes bingo
They worship them. Yeah, remember when Indiana Jones, sorry
Opened up the tomb. Oh my god, PD is crying again. Oh, I just you know, I've let it go when you mentioned Danny Boyle
Incredible I can't believe I got that joke
Did you miss it and have been waiting all this time I did miss it. That's a that's a great one. I'm thinking about
Oh
But Indy opens the tomb and it's full of snakes so many snakes in Egypt. Yeah, that's a that's a big walkout moment for me
You saw it in theaters. Yep. Anytime it comes out anytime. It's printed
They showed a theater's I go see it wait Indiana
Because it came out in the four years that you were dead, right?
So I see it when they do yeah, but they show it now and then you walk out every time I walk out
Every time the snakes come and I don't see the end of it
I don't know how it ends and honestly, I don't really know how it begins because I'm always so late to go into the movies
So I'm there for 20 so if you wouldn't mind just for a brief moment
Can you tell us what you think the plot of Indiana Jones is sure which one is this again Raiders of the Lost Ark Raiders of the Lost Ark sure
He's got well, you've got the you've got a hat you've got a hat right and that's where you start
It's about a hat. It's about a hat and what's under the hat is so important
Which I think it was really the lesson of that movie because we all sort of wear our own hats
But what's on under it is the courage and determination to sort of
Teach at a school
So you walk in when he's teaching at the school for you for you it's a college movie
Right, and I walk into that scene. I go, where's his hat because I saw the poster he's got a hat
so eventually puts it on and he's zipping around with his whip and
I'm sure there's a car in there and he throws somebody into a propeller
Oh, actually, so you have seen quite a bit quite a bit. I walk out and in I'm all over the place
Ah
Then I want to say that
And I want to say the credits roll at a very inopportune time
It's the end of the movie right well for me, you know inopportune because I wanted to see the 20 minutes
I missed maybe if I ask if they maybe just loop it back
You just keep it on a loop and then I can watch it and then leave when but that they so in that instance
The credits would be in the middle of the movie, right?
Have on God it would be an interesting way of doing that
So the in other words the post credit scene for the movie would be 20 more minutes of movie, right? Yes, exactly
You must really love what the Marvel movies are doing with the post credit scenes. I absolutely love the Marvel movie
Yeah, I'm there at day one on each one of them. Have you ever thought maybe you should be in them?
I mean Adam's gonna be in a Marvel movie. Is that so he's in Madame web
Yeah
There are no snakes in that movie so you can you can come a lot of spiders that spiders there are spiders
That's fine. Yeah, but you will not want to see this movie because why it's not good. No, well
Thanks for the heads up
It makes Adam so that's a good pull quote
Put it on the back of the book. What does Madame web do? What's her deal? I don't know
But there is
There are spiders, but we should continue to dig in on it, right and ask you a bunch of very specific questions
Yeah, yeah, but what an incredible casting coup that would be to get me in the ticket you in a Marvel movie
I would have a dream come true. I would like to be an Ant-Man
Yeah, man Ant-Man quantum realm. What why would you want to be in that one? Get small get big
That's I mean, that's really says it all and that's it says it all
I mean you look around this room if we could read the minds of people in here you every one of them
Yeah, my superpower. What is getting small getting big? That's it. What else is there?
Flying around you could do that when you're big apparently sometimes he's got a suit
I
Have the suit for it. Who's big that flies around? I think he's more of a no. I misspoke. I think he's so big
He just steps to like oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's better than flying right just walking around
walking around the uh
It's sort of the flying of the land
That's a good way being a giant
Just walking
Walking as a giant is the flying of the land or you think walking period walking period. Yeah, what about cars?
Shit
All right, John Lennon everyone
It's incredible that John Lennon's here. I'm still I'm getting some
Some late-breaking news from engineer Brett who's backstage everyone give a hand to engineer Brett
Types of Chowder
New England's clam Manhattan clam corn we've mentioned those
Potato that's right
potato counter
Fish
Shrimp, yeah, I just want to say looking over your shoulder. I am shocked at how many more there are I
Tried to tell you why didn't you list any of these before because I wanted Scott to suffer
And also it gives Brett something to do yeah cream
Cream Chowder I'd rather not thank you
Tonight when you guys are making love to each other
Please say give me your cream Chowder. I love that you imagine any of these people are gonna go home and fuck after this
Are you kidding after this show? They're gonna be all horned up. I think this crowd's gonna set a record for breakups
Why did you drag me to that I I told you I wasn't gonna like it and I didn't like it
Now I didn't you bring your brother
Now we have chicken corn
Chicken corn that's chicken in the corn chicken in the corn
So the corn chicken in the corn go to the corn can I don't know what that is. I don't either yeah
Yeah, anyway a lot a lot of variants of lobster and corn you get I mean that's just corn. Yeah
Now it's just a mix and match. Yeah, I don't know
Why would it stop at clam?
Why not like any other kind of shellfish kind of scenario
Well, I'm saying why would they make a clam chowder and they say that's it for chowder. Oh, yeah, what is a chowder?
It's gross. Yeah
You know how disgusting soup is why do you do it?
What if it was because the bubbles are beautiful when they glisten in the light
But you hate children you hate soup. Yeah
But what if it was what if soup was thick viscous and full of clams and if you left it too long develop the film on top
Yum, though, that's good bubbles. I
Don't eat the bubbles genius
Why not? Why not as a bubbled like why not use bubbles to feed people you're never tempted to eat the bubbles
Which stupid question do I take first?
How many do you have time for I got time for two more
Take him than me. I think feeding people with bubbles is like a slap in the face to someone who is hungry
It's like giving someone a slice of Swiss cheese, you know, how?
It's like just give me the whole thing, you know, no that is the whole thing the thing is the whole are you hungry?
Here's a block of cheese
Hello, make it last. I won't be back here for another year. Is this
Protection
What I won't I won't be another year and that's an arrow. He's the federal agent checking in on that's what I assumed
Wow, that was that was
You talk about the flying of the land
You be you built that narrative so quick. It's so fast
Which is a lot of backstory. I thought I was really who's the only person that gives someone food for a year a
Federal agent who's checking in on someone in witness protection who's incapable of getting food for themselves
Maybe an Instacart delivery person right before it's about to start snowing. I don't know
It's a long stall meal. Well, and that that's on the person who ordered it from Instacart
They only ordered a block of cheese, and that was it
Can you order a block? Can you order a block of cheese on Instacart? That would be try a big wheel
We should do we should try to get one delivered here tonight. Do it
I don't know how to make that come true, but I would love it. Just a big block of cheese. Maybe you're
Maybe your child or researcher could get on it
You know that it like a 130 a.m. There's gonna be a poor guy out front being like I
Got a wheel of cheese here and the place is fully closed
130 a.m. We sure we just ended 30 minutes ago. Where were you?
Are you trying to get us to rush it along John it'd be funny to think of time in a different way
Okay, not unlike the quantum realm if you can if you really think about it
Well, you know speaking of movies we have another guest good and this is this is someone who has not been on the show before
Someone who did not contribute to the book, but I heard he was in town and this is I don't know what they do in movies
But I'm guessing by his name. He has something to do with movies. Please welcome to the show silver screen Sammy
Hello Scott, thank you so much for being a fan of my work
Hello Silver Screen Sammy so nice to meet you. Thank you so much. I'm silver screen Sammy
That's three s's and I'm of course a cake cake cake cake
What's that Katona's cutest cinema critic
Katona New York cutest cinema critic in Katona
Sight to be here on stage. Yeah with such luminaries of the industry. Of course the dragonfly from do little of course
Of course, of course James the dragonfly my number one
James the dragonfly from do little of course you're not gonna have a lot to choose from right around shock tail
I chose Adam Scott went through your eye and to be wouldn't know any of your work
Did a thorough search it would all be you're right above my head and
Of course chunky bubbles famed children's entertainer love his work big chunky bubble
Well, of course, I'm sorry John Lennon yellow submarine
One of my absolute favorite vehicles like out of curiosity. Yeah, ask away. How old are you eight?
Okay, good. So that helps that helps me critic. Don't know Adam Scott's work
You look nice though. Thank you so much. No, I meant him. Oh, okay. Thank you very much
Okay, thank you so much for responding to my PR ladies emails been looking for more gigs trying to get on stage
Mostly on the small screen is where I work, right? You so what do you actually do you tube?
Yeah, you keep miming the size of the because this is the size of the screen when I'm Katona's cutest cinema critic
You I guess I didn't realize that you were an eight-year-old film critic 12 Westchester do in the movie reviews
Of course, it's a bit of a family business a legacy business. My father was a triple S as well
By the way, don't say those three s's together. Otherwise John here will think it's a snake
My father was a
Were you sleeping I was asleep
My father of course stormy spring Sammy local weatherman Westchester. He was a weatherman. Okay
A weatherman named stormy. Well, no, his name's Sammy with stormy springs is the name gotta have a gimmick
Gotta have a gimmick. So you you talk about movies. Do you sort of like that that show blank check? Have you ever heard that?
No, I don't care about the TV. That's
Their fans are rabid on Reddit
Weird access to grind
They somehow forget all the context of the guests and anything they've done previously in their career
It's the kind of show that you listen to if you like hearing people eat on Mike
That's what I've heard and I think never if you especially if you like hearing people decide what they're going to eat on Mike
And then half an hour later. They eat the whole thing. Once again, I've never listened, but I hear that some people like it
I can't imagine that's true
But I'm serious about the TV and I feel a cultural
Responsibility because these days people aren't that media literate
Yeah, I I've actually found the opposite to be true like now at the end of the day. It's all about story
Movies need a great story and kids these days. They love their Mario movie, but they don't know anything about film history
So I feel responsibility to get on the tube right there and
Tell them about some of the classics that they don't know about like what to and Puss in Boots the last wish
You got to go back into the archives and watch the classics. Yeah
You're you're an eight-year-old boy. Yeah, what was the first movie or television show you ever sing to followed by Puss in
Puss in Boots the last wish
Have you seen Puss in Boots the first movie? I heard great things. Okay. Yeah, I did have a bit of a breakthrough recently
Oh, really? What was that came to my attention breaking news?
I don't usually do that on the program usually stick to the film reviews
But I got some news that in fact movies were made before I was born
Yeah, I I mean, there's a long rich tradition of cinema history dating
Finding out the the very first movie of the train coming at the screen
Well, that sounds scary. I believe you me was terrified. I would scream if I saw that
Green also the name of a series of movies. Yeah, I'm learning. I'll take notes. Look the point is it would be good for you
Especially if you are on TV talking about films if you could thank you
Yes, get a better sense of like like what are the most influential movies in like
What an incredible to you
You keep reaching for your bag what is inside I got a black Adam swag bag
Haven't seen it sounded a little scary to me
That is do you want to show everybody that actually that is it is a black Adam swag bag and a black Adam notebook
Wait, it lights up. It lights up. Absolutely. Oh, wow
Wow the power dynamic on stage just changed
To see something light up, isn't it?
It's fun
So I recently did some digging. That's a black Adam thermos as well. We should mention
Comedy rule of fours. Yeah
As it pertains to props, of course, I watched the Academy Awards with my father and I went this is great
They should do this every year. I hope it continues and he said they've been doing it for a very long time
And I went whoa Nelly
So that gave me a bit of a watch list, okay? Oh, so you've written down movies you should a little a couple capsule reviews
Yeah, I mean it's it's it's a it's a good
Thing to be a little more aware of the medium that you're critiquing
I'm trying very hard. I'm constantly learning getting better every now
I can't help but notice looking over your shoulder. Yeah, that on the top of the page you've written silver screen Sammy
To remind yourself of your name
God how embarrassing it would be if I flipped up one of those words
Anyway, so now just to properly set the table these are movies that you hope to see or movies that picture winners
I have watched I've been going to be going down the list. Wow going down the list
And by the way, I hope to see some of you and best-picture winners in the future. Oh, that would be amazing
I would hope it would happen. I did the dictator win best picture or
I heard that was a very chill set so here are
Some best-picture winners I watch out. This is what confused me because I watched the Oscars if my daddy said this is the best
That cinema has to offer and I watched some of these older films and I thought they had all sorts of problems
Oh, okay. Well, that I mean holes things sometimes don't age. Well, I would love to hear what you think
Oh holes. Here's one. I watch Kramer versus Kramer. Now. This is a wacky sci-fi movie
I
Could not get my head around this concept. It was the most confusing film I'd ever seen. I don't silver screen Sammy
I don't know that he was sci-fi ground a movie in some sense of reality
This is what I always say when I'm on the TV. What was confusing so unbelievable?
Yeah, because this premise is so unreasonable that a mommy and daddy would not stay together forever. Oh
Oh boy, I
Understand you're doing wacky sci-fi, but the buy-in here is so high
Let me ask you obviously your your mommy and daddy are still together
Can I ask to your mommy and daddy fight the way that the characters was that believable?
Of course, and that's that's the little bit of relatability in there, of course, you know, my parents are both working professionals
Do you not know what divorces? Well, I've seen the movie
I don't think it's really a concept that's gonna carry through in the cinema, but to you
It's something like a lightsaber. You think it was made up for
Technology doesn't exist and it never will much like divorce
Wow. Yeah, I mean
Next movie. Oh
In terms of endearment, uh-oh this movie was confusing. Uh-oh
This this young lady splits up with multiple daddies apparently the Academy love that and
Then at the end she takes a nap and her mom freaks out and
The movie ends before she ever wakes up from the nap. I mean talk about an unresolved cliffhanger ending
Oh boy
This movie's got plot holes
Let me let me ask where was it believable to you when the mommy got sick?
Of course, everyone got sick including mommy's like but that's sick is I mean is your mommy sick right now or when's
Okay in the head go on
When you wake up in the morning every day, do you see your mommy and your daddy in love? Okay, great. Okay. That's good to know
Yeah, yes, absolutely
Have you ever yeah, but she always wakes up. I I hope I mean I mean that's that's what's supposed to happen
So that's great. Have you have you ever seen the movie loose change? I
Think it should be required viewing for all eight-year-olds. I
Haven't tell me here's wide open. It's about well, it's fun to have loose change in your pocket, right?
I like that jingle jangle
What else got okay platoon
You watched it now. This is one of the wackiest movies. I've ever seen it's about the weirdest summer camp
I've ever witnessed all they do is play paintball all day every day, but here's the thing
When characters in the movie lose a paintball they disappear and you never hear for them again
That's where the story would get good. How bad they feel that they lost the game. Do you lose a paintball all the time all the time?
I feel bad
He can't hear us right now. Thank you for your connection. Okay
Now this is a movie about a bunch of grown-ups being very serious about baking powder
So mean mmm. I hate that you're taking my baking powder
It's at every supermarket isn't hard to find this one guy hates subway trains
He hates them
Don't remember that part of the book
Some of these movies would probably play better if they were more recent
I tried to go as mainstream as I possibly could. How did you feel about the French part of it?
Yeah, have you ever can I ask if you ever because we're all pretty anti-French well, I was I was gonna say have you ever?
Kissed a girl. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. That's what you were gonna say
Or boy
Hey, man
I'm not saying you should kiss us. I'm asking you don't want to you don't want to understand
You don't want to help the kid understand death or any of these other things
But you want to know about French kissing. Well, I just kiss everyone on stick
No job on the diversity booking by the way one incredible lineup of daddies for me to kiss
Middle-aged dudes that to listen to podcast you you put it out there and this is what responds
I'm clearly a book someone who didn't even contribute to the book. I
Would love to see this list in the book though. Maybe we could put it in the paperback volume to
Volume to here's another thing in the French connection. Oh, you asked me what I thought about all the French in it
No, loved it more movie should have minions
That's what they sound like to me
Here was another thing in this movie they hate Trent they love baking powder
They keep on talking about female heroes, but there are no ladies in the movie
How do I get myself a heroine? Where's the heroine? I want to find a heroine almost no speaking parts for ladies
More than this show though. Yeah, that's true
That's true Shakespeare in love. Okay, right there in the title in love
The weirdest thing happens in this movie. I call it a plunge
Oh
The two main characters take off all their clothes and fight each other
They get into a wrestling match they do some biting a guy thought they were in love
Not our enemies and then the next scene we never talk about it every game. I silver screen Sammy. Yeah, I
Think you're misunderstanding these these movies
That's like six and I feel like maybe it's our responsibility to inform you about some of these subjects
First of all being sex Jason go ahead
Sex yeah, go ahead. Did you call it big sex? I thought you said big sex. I
Heard big sex dude. I don't know either
You both heard me say big sex
But it was being sex the first of which the first first of which being sex we both are big sex
Yeah, sex. Anyway, tell me what big sex. Okay, so big sex. No, there's this big sex and there's little sex. Okay
I'm little silver screen Sammy. You know what? I don't want to explain it anymore
Next movie on the list is too convincing
The first best picture winner ever it's called wings now
They said this was the best movie the year they forgot to turn the microphones on I
Watched this thing. This is such an embarrassment. What a blunder and then some years later
2012 the artist they forget to turn the microphones on again
Best picture Mike push
Whoa language language come on silver screen show. I hope it's not big sex
Okay, here's another one I watched
This one had a lot of problems with
American beauty. Mm-hmm. Oh, well, I mean
I'm curious what your problem
Think the audience
That's one of the ones that hasn't aged especially well
I agree in my opinion attempts to satirize the American pity bourgeois but instead presents a pastiche of suburban cliches under cup
I cloyingly overwritten dialogue and the weirdest thing is two boys kiss at the end
That's not who kisses
Unless you're at a comedy bang bang book release apparently
Well, look silver screen Sammy, I'm assuming you don't have any more. No, you're wrong
Based on what I'm seeing over his shoulder the entire time we've been out here. He's been doing this
I hate to put a guy at the end of the show and cut off his bits. I'll go ahead. Okay. Here we go
I'll keep it quick speed round
Moonlight this movie is about two friends who thumb wrestle on the beach and then spread a bunch of clam chowder in the sand
Now, what is that?
Well, Big Chunky Bubbles
Don't try to pass this over to me
The godfather two movies two best pictures six hours long zero muppets
Did you think there would be muppets the last emperor this is nothing like the emperor is no groove
Silence of the lambs. Okay. First of all, don't eat people
At least you understood that
There's a moral pale
Secondly Jody Foster goes to prison some guy throws clam chowder on her. Where did he get it from?
Big Chunky Bubbles a couple best-picture winners. I love no notes green book driving Miss Daisy crash gone with the wind
And last of all the biggest plot hole in any movie I've ever seen I watched this thing Schindler's list. Oh boy
Oh, okay, I don't know the Holocaust didn't happen. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Now your your your kkk k-thing makes a lot more sense now
Anyway, that's everything I
Silver screen Sammy everyone
And now a one-hour Q&A I
See we've reached the two-hour mark of the evening which how's the cheese wheel coming?
Is that gonna come to us at some point or did you run the show on a time minimum?
Yeah, unfortunately
Why I like people to feel like they got their money's worth right I mean they got a book
Well, I mean if I went if I went to a concert I would want to see at least two hours plus. Yeah, exactly
You know, I think I Q&A I
Think I saw the strokes once they played for 45 minutes. No Q&A
No, thanks, he's strokes
Do you know what the strokes refers to?
Couple of the best picture winners I watched I talk as strokes, but I didn't quite get it
Well now's the time when you we as the audience would like to rank all of our performers
So we'll put put our hands above everyone's head and you applaud for your favorite ones
John Lennon everyone
Okay, big chunky bubbles
Adam Scott Jason Manzukas
Silver screen Sammy Silver screen Sammy you won
Yes
Amazing
Underdog story sing your theme song. No, you sing the song for the winner Scott. I
Already have a musical theater background and do your dance. Yeah, we haven't seen the Disneyland dance
Scott Ockerman's world famous Disneyland dance. No wait, this was you auditioning for Disneyland and you had a dance
Well, it was a three-day audition process where we had to learn to dance
Okay, what would you have been what had you gotten it? What would you have been? I did get it. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that wasn't
No, I genuinely didn't know
Who the fuck do you think you're talking to language
language
Sorry, I'm sorry Sammy. What was the song that you danced to?
Let's see it was 1987, right
So was it a Disney song? Maybe. Oh
That's right
I originally thought it was she drives me crazy, but
This is 1987 but
Yeah, bibbidi-bobbidi-boo. Maybe are we still allowed to say that?
Only because it's so scary
I'll sing it if you'll do the dance
How is this the second night in a row or or a 20-minute Q&A?
20-minute dance or 20-minute Q&A whichever one you want stop
Come on, let's go out on a hunt. All right, you want to sing bibbidi-bobbidi-boo?
Here we go, if you forget any of the lyrics no, I know I know the song by heart like everyone does
And everyone can sing along if they want sure
You're ready. Yeah, it begins with Angela Lansbury giving a little spoken word intro
I'm a witch and it's World War two. Let's have some fun with me and you
All right, the bedoula keep it a jewel of a bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
a repa dee-dee-dee-dee-doo, a squeedie dee-dee-dee-dee-doo
a repa dee-dee-dee-doo, a biggebia-joo, a bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Everyone likes to go to the zoo. If you go to...
Scott Ackerman everyone. That was wonderful.
I almost broke my ankle again
Those are not the shoes for that dance. No those are loose fitting shoes
That was a slip.
And I think I got COVID for the second time.
Oh.
Sorry.
You shouldn't be doing that.
You're genuinely winded.
At 62, you should not be doing that.
62!
All right, everyone.
That's our show.
Thank you so much.
Jason Manzuchus, everyone.
Griffin Newman.
Adam Scott.
Mike Hanford.
And Paul F. Tompkins!
Scott Akerman!
Thank you, everyone.
Enjoy the book!
Come and see my ride.
Come and see my ride.
Come and see my ride.
Come and see my ride.
Come and see my ride.
Come and see my ride.
Sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa.
I'm half naked.
Heroes