Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Manchester Orchestra, Tawny Newsome, Edi Patterson, Dave Theune
Episode Date: July 31, 2023Returning champions Robert McDowell and Andy Hull of the indie rock group Manchester Orchestra join Scott to play songs off their new record “The Valley of Vision.” Then, Tawny Newsome stops by to... talk about her personal life. Later, W Hotel owner Bean Dip drops by to talk about her new salon business. Plus, Scott’s assistant Mirk stops by to get some face-to-face time with Scott. Finally, wellness expert Tierna Smarg drops by to share knowledge from the future.
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Fuck it, fine, I'll wear the damn hat. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.
Thanks to Titov, that catchphrase of mission, Titov,
and welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition.
And we have a great show for you today.
My name is Scott Ockerman,
the host of Comedy Bang Bang,
and coming up a little later on the show,
we have a
wellness expert will be here we have a local business woman
uh... hotel air i guess uh... is how i would uh... uh... describe her we also
have uh... my assistant will be on the show that's very exciting
uh... and uh... before we get to them
it is a big pleasure to introduce our returning champions.
They are musicians of note.
And they sing notes and play them.
And I give them after every album.
And you guys...
Letlessly.
It's weird that it's after the release and you can't do anything about it.
But you like to break us down.
Yeah, exactly.
They have a new record, I guess you could call it or a new collection of songs, a content. They put out some content recently
and it's called The Valley of Vision. Very literative. So I'm sure we'll talk to them about that.
But please welcome back to the show Manchester Orchestra. Thank you very
much. Hi Andy Robert. How are you? We're great. How are you? I'm good. You you knotted. I
not it. It looked like you wanted to say you were good. Yeah. I'm great. This is a visual
medium. Yeah. You guys are here. You're going to play a couple of songs while you're here. You're just breezing through town.
You're on a co-headlining tour with Jimmy Eat World.
And you guys reached out to me and said you wanted to do the show. How flattering.
I mean, you always say yes.
And that's why we keep asking.
I actually saw you on the calendar of like, oh, they're coming through town.
I was like, do I bother them? I was like, nah, they don't want to be bothered by me. And then I got a message.
It was so nice. We always do. We told you this is the only thing we would do on a day off from.
It is your day off. I can't believe that you're here in a radio station doing press.
Yeah, we did the Greek last night and then heading to San Diego and then across the rest of the
states for the next couple weeks.
The rest of the, so you're hitting every state
over the next few months.
Almost everyone, yes.
Really?
We'll be at least be driving through them all.
Yeah.
Oh, that's fun.
Yeah.
We don't play in any of them.
We're just losing money on a tour bus,
just driving around.
Do you guys, are you on the tour bus where like you sleep on it
and all of the gear is stored underneath and all that kind of stuff.
Do we have a semi truck that has all the gear?
Oh, yeah, we have the tour bus for us.
What's semi stand for? Is that like semi professional?
Yeah, it's a semi professional truck.
It only has three wheels on it.
Oh, yeah, it's really good to me.
And this is in support of this new collection that you surprised me with one day.
You sent it to me and you were like, yeah, we got this thing coming out and you, I had
no idea.
What is it, is it an EP or is it a, I don't really know, you know, it's kind of long, right?
It is long, it's six songs, but it's long.
I don't think there are really any rules, you know, it had more and we kind of had to
shave it down.
Really?
How many were it?
Was it originally like 32?
Yeah, like 35.
No, it was like 11 or 12.
And what happened to the other six were you like,
these fucking suck.
Yeah, no.
I think when you're working on something,
we kind of want to just keep boiling it down
to like what we think is the best.
So one day, yeah, we were working.
We had it at like eight or nine and then Robert said, you know, man, there's two or three of these
that aren't the same kind of language as the other ones. When you say some, the same kind of language,
you mean they're bad. They're bad songs, yeah. I wasn't singing on them.
They're just, yeah, we have different genres that we explore. So for us, it was more of a challenge to us.
How do we do the thing that's opposite to what we're used to,
which is let's take out the really big guitars
and let's focus and try and actually commit to,
yeah, more of a chill atmospheric sound.
Well, it's a great collection
Thank you
You know, I don't think you have to apologize for it being short. I know that you feels like you're saying we do
I mean, I know that every performance you've been giving on this tour you come out the first thing you say is we're so sorry
So sorry for what we put out
and
The there's one song that's getting a lot of air play, which is great.
And I'm hoping you're gonna play it today.
Oh boy.
And you're gonna play stripped down, every time you guys come on, you'd play these lovely
stripped down versions of these rocking songs that you have.
And are you prepared to do that today?
Oh, yes, we are.
We woke up prepared.
You woke up and you were ready to go. today? Yes, we are. We woke up prepared. You really woke up and you were like ready to go?
Constantly, yes.
All right, well, I'm glad we put a little bit of distance
in between you waking up because I don't
want to see you in your pyjamas.
No.
But I'm really excited you guys are here,
and especially on such an incredible,
for an incredible show.
So hang tight.
And please, when I say stand back and stand by,
you don't want us to talk at all. No, I need you, I need your backup because this is a
very, very atypical show. And I believe it's the start of an atypical period for comedy
bang, bang, because this is the first episode that we're doing since the dual strike of WGA
and SAG,
which I know, neither of you guys are in that, right?
You don't have to join SAG to be in a video, right?
I am.
Yeah.
Uh oh.
Because I was in the film, Swiss Army Man,
that we did.
Oh, you did the scarf of that, you were actually in it.
Yes, I did.
Oh, okay.
Well, you can't talk about that.
No, no, no, I wouldn't.
Sorry.
I just blew it.
You're not here to promote that. You're here to promote your record. Oh. I just blew it. You're not here to promote that.
You're here to promote your record. Oh, promote anything. That's right. Look at you. But
we can no longer have guests. The rules are you we can no longer have guests on promoting
projects that were made by the AMPTP. So, you know, we have to stay away from all that.
And so, you know, I had, I have someone booked here
and we cannot even mention them.
We can't even say what they're from.
So, let's get to our first guest.
What an intro.
Yeah, she's, I can't say what she's from.
Can you say what town I'm from?
I mean, I know it's like Chicago or something, right?
Vagaboo, California, by way of Chicago.
Vagaboo?
Yeah.
Okay.
We ever driven like from San Francisco to Sacramento
and needed an in and out burger
or a pair of Nike's at the outlets,
is that's where you stop.
You know, no, I can't say you know or from this.
I mean, I know what I know or from,
but I can't even mention that.
What do you know me from?
I, well, we work together, but I can't talk about it.
Was that a struck company?
Because that company seems to have struck itself.
It was Paramount.
Oh, it was?
Yeah, it was Paramount, a seashell by way of Paramount.
Yeah, but the seashell kinda cancels out the Paramount.
Okay, so we can talk about it.
No, we can't.
We can't.
Can't talk about it.
And I can't say what you're doing,
I mean, you're not even here to promote anything.
No, I would never.
God forbid, but I can't even say like what you're currently, I mean, you're not even here to promote anything. No, I would never. God forbid, but I can't even say like,
what you're currently in or currently on,
but please welcome back to the show,
Tony Newsom.
You're doing this thing with your hand,
like, why would I even have you still here?
I, this is a strange situation for me.
I can't talk to you about what I normally talk to you about.
For the listener, I want you to picture,
like, if someone was just so lazily offering up
a basketball in one hand, he's doing like, like if someone was just so lazily offering up a basketball
in one hand, he's doing like, uh, why would I even just picture a basketball?
I'd like to think if you were really adept at playing basketball, that's how you would
handle it.
You know what I mean?
Because it's like, what if like if you didn't know how to play, you'd be holding onto
it so tightly like, no one steals this ball from me.
I imagine Michael Jordan, this is the way he holds a basketball.
Just very lazily.
Okay, but when you're doing it, it just, it doesn't look confident,
it looks like you're regretting asking here.
I am regret, well, no.
You are?
I'm regretting the fact that we need
to continue to do this show.
What?
What?
Wow.
I mean, I love talking to guys like Andy and Robert here
about their current work, but.
But you don't wanna be talking to me right now.
You're our guest of honor,
and I can't talk to you about anything.
Scott, we have a friendship outside of work
that you always neglect.
You don't like to talk about it on podcasts
or even off-mic.
And I felt like,
Usually when I see it, when I see you in person,
I'm like, hey, what are you working on?
No, that's not true.
We talk about our lives, or at least I'm trying to get you to,
and then you're evasive.
So look, you asked me to come on before we knew
there'd be a sag strike,
and I was...
You kept the appointment, I'll give you that.
Yeah, I was like excited to come on
and do the thing we do and promote the thing,
and then now that we can't promote it,
I thought, huh, I wonder if I should still go on,
and you said, yeah, yeah, yeah, come on.
But now it feels like, it just feels like
you are having regrets.
Well, I think this is more of a problem for me because I don't know what to talk to you about.
What do you ask me anything about my life?
Why is that hard?
How do you ask other people?
How do you start acting?
I hate that question.
Well, what am I supposed to ask you?
Can you ask me something not about the business?
How's your house?
How's my house?
This is so fucking boring.
Like, does it, how do people have conversations like this?
Every day?
How is your house?
Are you asking, like, does it need a new roof?
Or are you asking me?
Are you enjoying living wherever the fuck you live?
Am I enjoying living?
Are you, that's good. Are you enjoying living? Well, you live? Am I enjoying living? Are you, are you, that's good.
Are you enjoying living?
That, well, that's getting a little deep.
That's getting a little too deep.
I need, like, I need, we can't go that intimate
when we've stayed very surface for seven or eight years.
Yeah.
We really have, kind of, kind of, what's the deepest question
I've ever asked you?
I don't, I couldn't even tell you
because I kind of, I tend to zone out when you talk.
I get that. I think I asked you questions when you were leading up to having the baby.
I think I asked you a lot of personal questions about how you felt about father.
Did I answer them or?
You ran away.
You ran out of the house.
That's how I've reacted to fatherhood too.
Always going out to get cigarettes.
Also, you don't even smoke.
The last time I saw you, this is a true story.
The last time I saw you, this is a true story. The last time I saw you, I said,
oh, I haven't come to the house in a while,
and you said, you were just here four months ago,
and I said, that's impossible.
I've been out of the country.
And that time you were talking about was 19 months ago.
Well, it felt like you were just there because you have such a,
I mean, you fill up a room.
You're just such a vivacious personality.
I was like, oh, yes, I've seen Tony recently. It happened to be 19 months ago. Does not feel like a compliment to say, I fill up a room. You're just such a vivacious personality. I was like, oh, yes, I've seen Tawny recently.
It happened to be 19 months ago.
Does not feel like a compliment to say I fill up a room.
That sounds like you couldn't wait to hear.
Emotionally, emotionally.
Ask me a personal question.
So why don't you have children?
That's a great question.
I think because I'm not confident I could maintain my mental health while raising them.
Yeah.
Yeah, this is not going to be comedy big.
Sorry.
What do you want me to do?
I don't know what to talk to you about.
Maybe if you asked better questions, this would be fine.
What if any Robert, do you have a question? You can't be about-
You immediately have to bring another people.
We've known each other since 2016.
You can't be about the AMPTP, P-P.
It can't be about anything she's ever done.
How long have you and clear dislike Scott as much as you do?
I love Scott.
Scott's the only person who ever shared my hiccups.
That's right.
That's very true.
You want to tell them what you did.
It only works once, but I have a, I can't talk about it on air because you...
Because it's for a stress company?
Yes.
Well, no, someone taught it to me, literally, on set.
Oh, of the show No More Hiccups, airing on FX this fall.
Sorry, I don't need to promote something, but I didn't work for them, so it's okay.
Ah, boy, this is gonna be a rough summer.
No, I think it's gonna be great if you would embrace what makes your room.
This isn't gonna be-
This isn't gonna be fucking-
What are you scared of?
The three questions here.
Just, you know-
If you just actually invested in the people that are in your life, this could be beautiful.
You could be the new Mark Marin.
He's afraid.
You can see it. Look at him. I'm afraid of be the new Mark Marin. He's afraid. You can see it. Look at him.
I'm afraid of being the new Mark Marin. You're right. I look at I just this is not the show,
you know, you become on here and we tell and first of like usually there's a big big,
you know, opening guest. We talk about. Oh, you want me to be Ben Schwartz. You want me to
come in here like skew, skew, skew, skew, skew do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do conversation with someone about whatever their current project that's coming out this week is. That's all I want this show to be. But you can.
And then the strike happens, and then I have these fucking weirdos on and a B-block and C-block
every to every show, and our producer here is like terrible at booking guests and we get
the fucking worst guests in the world.
What the hell?
Whoa.
But it sounds like what you're saying is that even the worst guests in the world, that
was your solace.
That was your time where you felt the most real.
This is where I feel the most alive, yes.
Is when you're asking surface questions to someone promoting a Cartoon Hedgehog movie.
And then I don't listen to what they're saying, and I'm just thinking about what I'm going to say next.
That's how I think this show should be.
And now something has come along to challenge that, and you're scared of it.
This is the worst thing ever.
Riders, actors, I implore you get back to work.
So this is your plea to Bob Iger.
This is your plea to Zazlab.
Get back, I don't care about them.
Riders, actors, get back to fucking work here.
No, no, you've got it backwards.
You've got to talk to the other side, Scott.
Scott, you've got it backwards.
Just cave.
Scott, both unions are gonna get a phone call.
Scott, you gotta change your message.
Oh my god, this is terrible.
All right, Tony Newsom is here.
Let's get to our next guest.
Hi, Gus.
Do you want me still here?
I can go.
Yeah, no, I need you here because look,
our next two guests, with three guests are horrible.
And I need a buffer between me and them.
Okay.
So can you ask questions of these people?
So nothing is about any struck company or anything.
No, we want to talk about a struck company
and you don't like that I'm here
and you're not comfortable with our friendship
but you still need me for these next two guests.
That's our relationship.
All right.
I'm uncomfortable with you and I need you.
Sounds like my type.
All right, let's get to our next guest.
She's the aforementioned hotel EA.
Have you ever stayed in a hotel, Tony?
Yes, I have.
Tell me about it.
It was in Minneapolis.
You were in a room down the hall.
It was on the Comedy Bank bank tour.
Oh, that's right.
That was the first thing that comes to mind.
One time.
Yeah, it was a good time.
I believe it was that.
I believe you've been to Europe recently.
Yeah, but those weren't hotels like Minneapolis
has hotels.
Oh, okay.
I believe it was a Marriott. Oh, okay. We was a Maryop.
Well, she is the owner and proprietor of the W hotel here in Los Angeles, California. Uh, please welcome back to the show Bean Dip. Hey Scott. Hey, man. Hey, man. How's it going?
How's so great, dude? Yeah, this is Tony. I don't know if you've ever met Tony. I know Tony.
I can't say where she's from. No, but I've seen everyone in for projects.? Yeah, everyone. Wow. Thank you. Huge fan of
Tony. Don't say what you're a huge fan of. I can't say that I gotta keep it like a ghost.
That's right. I've always wondered, are you a ghost? No, Scott. Don't be a dig.
I mean, you are corporeal. I believe I've poked you once. Well, you wish.
I mean, you are corporeal. I believe I've poked you once.
Well, you wish.
Most people do wish.
Yeah.
How many sex partners have you had?
This is a question I should have asked Tony.
Yeah, that would be.
How many sex partners have you had, Tony?
Like, between 10 and 58.
I don't know.
I'm gonna guess closer to 58, but.
I couldn't tell you.
Not to shame you about that or anything.
I don't know. I feel great. We're not on strike from having sex. Oh, shame you about that or anything. I don't feel ashamed.
I feel great.
We're not on strike from having sex.
Oh, let me know when we are.
I will not, I will be crossing that picket line.
You'll be scabbing.
Scabby up.
But, uh, 58 for you, really?
Really, that's it?
Scott, look, I'm not trying to lie B.
Like, how, let me love him and leave him constantly.
I try to put a little of all my ass in it.
I'll take a little time.
You've been in monogamous relationships?
Not so much that.
What is it?
1915.
Great point.
That was about the cutoff for those, wasn't it?
Yeah, 1915 everyone's like, hey, this is not glimmering houses together.
It was just like visit one another, get the poke on,
go to the next place, but be nice for a while.
Yeah, that's true.
Do you like music?
Have you ever met Manchester Orchestra?
I've never met them, but I love them,
and I think they're wonderful.
Yeah, we're gonna hear some song from them,
coming up a little later.
Oh, great.
Do you like music like all the notes from Doe to Doe? I love like Doe
Worming Faso Latido. Yeah, I love all those notes that are inside there.
Hey, this is a question for the band. There's notes in between those right? The little half-step ones right? Oh, don't write T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T- I like that rapper. I like that rapper. I like that rapper.
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in the world that I will not go to.
Wow. Really good, wow.
Thank you.
So that's how it seems to be about places in the world.
There are two types.
One's you knew as a child, the one you won't go to.
Yeah, the classic, the classic containers.
Yeah, two sides of the same coin.
Chemistry was crazy.
Powerful.
Powerful.
What? Being able, what if?
Being able, what if there's a place in the world
that you didn't know of as a child,
but you think you might like to go there
that you learn about as an adult?
Well, that would be very interesting
because I think I will probably avoid it.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Does it go anywhere great?
You probably hard of it when you are tall.
That's true.
Even if you didn't be there, probably,
probably when you are tall, you heard of like,
Puckett, Tarlan.
I don't know that I ever heard of Tonga before.
I was maybe 30.
Okay, well get a book, bitch.
What, what, what was your favorite book growing up?
That's a good, was that a question for me?
Uh, yeah, both of you.
Your eyes kind of glanced past me. They did.
And landed on bean dip. Like you started to ask me a question.
What was your favorite book against it?
Yeah, when you were a child. That was to bean dip.
Oh, okay. That's for me. Okay. Well, I would have to say probably
something like, casual to rise. Character in the rise?
Cache in the rise. I've read that one. Would you be surprised to know that? No, I'm not supposed to know it is a classic
So I'm sure you at some point you looked online. You're like what looks should everybody smart read
Yeah, and then you were like I better read that some people think how cool the movie apocalypse now was based on that
Well good for the young good for oh, I can't talk about that. I can't talk about that. Fuck. We can't talk about books.
Anything the MPTP has ever made or just anything you worked on.
I think anyone who's on the show cannot be here to promote anything they've worked on.
So did you work on that? I mean, I did catering one day on it.
Yeah, then you can't talk about it. Yeah, you can't talk about it.
Yeah, but by the way, speaking it. Yeah, shit. You can't talk about it.
Yeah, but by the way, speaking of current jobs,
what have you been doing being different?
Well, I do know I own a W hotel in Hollywood.
Yeah, not the chain.
Not the chain.
I'm not trying to mess with all that.
I got the one main hotel, the house of Spawn,
and the Bliss Spa.
And then I also got a lot of stands where we sell hot dog like food
But inside is like here is keycomers you get everything you want on it and I have started
I knew entrepreneur your business. Well, this is big news. Okay. What do we have been to well?
It's like a place for you go in and you're like I would love to get my hands worked on
where you go in and you're like, I would love to get my hands worked on.
Anybody would go,
well some people would think,
oh, that's a salon for manicures, pedicures,
they're like that.
But my name is a salon where you get your hands worked on.
So you get your hall, either your hall hand painted
or you get them,
like just people squeeze your hand in a nice way,
not stereotypical massage.
You don't get me started.
Well, how would that be a nice way?
Could it like just basically because a massage is your,
you're pressing on pressure points.
Pressure points, different muscles, science, blah, blah, blah.
This is more like friendship, uh, psychic.
Like let me feel what they need to get a little squeeze.
Hmm. We put on whatever feel what they need to get a little squeeze. Hmm.
We put on whatever music people want to listen to.
And we also serve different beverages of all the fruits,
Kiwi watermelon, orange contensorane, lemon, grapefruit, my girl.
Any fruit?
Any fruit. If you come in and we don't have the beverage on the fruit you want,
you can slap one of us.
Oh, wow.
How many times is it you that people are slapping?
I was putting about six, sorry, so far.
Really?
And does it hurt?
No, I just feel like, I owed them that
because I probably, I made a promise
that I need to keep it.
Can I ask a question about the hand paint please, Thawne.
I was just thinking like if I'm asking for a beverage,
but my hand is currently being painted,
how do you navigate that great question?
See Scott, that's how you do it. Yeah, thank you, Tony for asking something real
Dane I knew exactly what I saw some of you asking about you getting slapped is not a real question. No, it doesn't get at the emotion
Okay, how does it feel when you're slapped? All right answer Tonny's question. Okay, Tony first
We use a quick drawing paint which you might think is sticky, but it's a quick drawing paint that is also made of human skin
Now don't freak out. It's only from cadavers. Thank God you said whoa
You told me not to freak out so I didn, but then I actually heard what you said.
And I freaked out.
You physically joke.
How were you getting paint from cadavers?
Just like people who put in there,
like in the papers, I don't care what y'all do with me.
So we go around.
I don't know that that's actually something you can check
on your, I don't care what y'all do with me.
Take my word for it dog it is okay.
Look these boys know traveling from town to town on the tour bus.
You could go to a lot of different places and just ask out
Bruno Holmes. Hey, did anybody here check the thing where they say,
I don't care what you do with my body.
I don't know if you got some experience that.
Yeah, awesome.
Yeah.
Is a thanks Scott.
Welcome to America.
And then you you're free to do whatever you want with their body then well
Then we get it like a solution is there a box for like I feel free to do whatever you want with my body above the waist
hilarious
Dicks of balls okay
I think I think that's the first thing people would do
Here comes Scott to run this balls pussy's bug cry. Okay, let's get it all out there. Oh talk about your
Fold okay, get your dick so you clits out. Are you happy now? Okay, it's covered it. You think that's the first thing people would do
See if I would do a funeral home in the middle of the country and say by the way, did any of these bodies say I could do whatever I want to them
That's just you know
I could do whatever I want to them. That's just, you know, a recipe for.
It sounds like we've established it.
That's the first thing that you would do in that situation.
Exactly, exactly.
What are you saying?
Yeah, I think we're just trying to get paint
to find on people's hands, made from human skin.
I'm just imagining like, okay, Jennifer Lopez died.
Okay, that's where you go.
You go to the funeral home.
And you're like, hey, did she happen to check that box?
You thought about this. Yeah, it's less creepy to think like oh, maybe I'll go get someone's beautiful long hair
Maybe I'll go cut that off and sew it to my head
You go straight to how can I violate this cadaver? That's your violation of your cadaver because there's because there's no soul in there. So it's just and they check the box.
Let me check it.
It's legal.
I can just see you on multiple airplanes trying
to find out where she died.
I thought as a matter of fact, when I saw the magazine
barely legal on the new stands, I assumed it was about someone
who barely checked that box.
She's just very faint.
We did in pencil.
Anyway, we get the die from there.
I mean, we get the solution from there and then we put die in it.
Okay. Yeah.
It's a, you said die and we're talking about death.
So it's very confusing.
Very confusing.
D.Y.
Yeah.
Well, that, so you get the, I still don't know what the process is.
You okay?
Okay. So they take a solution.
They drain the body of what of like the they take a solution, they drain the body.
Of what?
Of like the juices?
Well, the juices in your skin, so it's a very shallow needle.
Pulls out all the skin juices, puts it in a mason jar.
We take the mason jars.
It's perfect.
We put a lot.
Yeah, it's weird.
Because you would think like scientific containers,
mason jars do the best job.
Because then you could let the sunlight hit them,
it does a little sun.
Then we put the dye in, any color,
it's like the fruit juices.
You could say any color of the rainbow,
and if we don't have it, guess what?
Can I bring in a Home Depot paint,
kind of sample thing, and you have to match it to.
Well, it's more broad than that, it's more like,
I won't read. Oh, okay, yeah yeah I want blue so red and blue with those are your two colors
red blue yellow green white black beigeish beigeish sky blue we do have sky blue
blue okay as opposed to regular blue yeah as opposed to regular blue. Yeah, as opposed to regular blue. Regular blue is more like royal blue, okay?
We got pink, we got purple, orange.
There's a lot in the mix.
You can continue because we can't get stars
on the show anymore, so just continue saying colors
if you don't mind.
Great, till.
So do I cease being a star because I can't talk?
Am I not just...
You're a star in person only.
Well, then why aren't you celebrating that?
I mean, it's great that you're a star.
You're a major, major star of things
that we cannot discuss.
I don't think I'm major, major.
I mean, you're...
What would you think, D-list?
I think it's more like F,
except for a very small franchise.
How, because I've heard D-list is the worst,
it should go all the way to Z, right?
I think it should. I know some Z-listers. Yeah, yeah should go all the way to Z, right? I think it should.
I know some Z-listers.
Yeah, yeah.
So you think you're F?
I don't know.
Because outside of the thing we can't talk about,
I'm like nobody.
I think you're more like R.
R?
Yeah.
Hard R?
Hard R list.
Look, I'm a Y.
It's that.
Like, why is he even over here?
Yeah, I think they're what?
Why did they give him a show?
Which I can't talk about. Why does that, I think they're what? Why did they give him a show? Which I can't talk about.
Why does that, I think, he's in this union.
Please, everyone settle.
Just cave.
You're not talking to the demands.
Just give it to the other side, talk to the bosses.
Yeah, it's the Wagon Poach, Scott.
What are the colors, Mia?
Okay.
Well, we've got like dark brown.
We've got like... Do you have brown. We've got like, uh,
Do you have booger green?
We do have booger green.
And somebody came and reached it like,
want to booger green and wanted to like,
somebody to get punished for not having booger green.
We're like, in your face, bitch, we got booger green.
Get your hand out.
So, oh, there's punishments if they think you're,
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you mean you're just painting the hand?
So that's like, the fruit juices, if we don't have what they want, then we get slapped.
I thought you meant there's punishments on the other side. If they try to call you on it.
No, that's well not too, but if they ask us for a collar, we don't have it, then we get punished.
You do not want to know what it is. I kind of want to know what it is.
I want to know what it is. Normally I would not ask about it, but we're out of questions for our stars.
So skin on skin, spanking.
Bear eyes.
Skin on skin.
Spanking.
Spanking.
Bear ass.
Do the ass.
You use a hand or you use someone else's ass.
They have to use a hand.
They use the hand that they're about to get painted.
To spank your bear ass.
Yes, why?
And do you have to drop trowel right there in front of them?
In front of the whole, every patron, everyone crossing by, we have a lot of windows on the front.
So anyone crossing by.
How many windows?
Mmm.
About 17, 18,000.
18,000.
Oh.
Wow.
Wait, is this at the W?
Or this is a totally different one. Oh, Scott, there's a different storefront. And you have 18,000. Oh, wow. Wait, is this at the W or is it a donut difference?
Oh, Scott, there's a different store for it.
If you have 18,000 windows.
Yeah, the tiny windows, but about 18,000 windows.
Wow.
Wow.
And how many times have you been bare ass banked?
I got bare ass banked twice.
I've vandalized every year.
What colors were they expecting? They came in, they wanted something called loose yarn.
Loose yarn, oh man, they thought they were being tricky.
It's a type of blue, it's like what you're talking about,
like they walk in with a Benjamin Moore type, you know,
color strip.
And I'm like, we don't do color strips.
And they're like, well, your ads has any color.
And I was like, we got to change our language,
but here's my bear ass.
And have you changed the language since your bear ass? Colors dress and they're like well your ads has any color and I was like we got to change our language, but here's my bear I ask
And have you changed the language since your bear ass was exposed now?
It says normal colors like don't be a dick about it like booger green like P yellow booger green
Now could you have so they said Lucerne? That's also like a milk brand, right?
What if you just like given them white and painted their hand white that kind of could have been clever
Dang does that is quite yeah, I can be like one of those monkey pod genies like you know you do it to the letter
What you wish for actually yeah, I've been a genie man. I suppose a monkey pod genie for a little bit
Just like about six months in a sort of like a certain
part of Iowa, but I didn't how to enjoy it because it was dark.
Yeah, no, I mean, you're always trying to figure you're parsing their language so carefully.
If I said it like was so carefully, you keep having dreams, you that you don't want.
You encounter a lot of spirits. I just was like, I don't want to be a Janie anymore.
Yeah, especially because everyone's unhappy
at the end of the transaction with you.
Yeah, you're just trying to give wishes.
You're like, bitch, you asked for this.
Yeah.
Yeah, you wanted the lottery.
I gave you the lottery.
I saw my phone.
Then you got so sad because you were lost
but you can't buy you happy, just.
Yeah, is that a monkey's,
it doesn't sound like a true monkey spot thing.
We're just someone gets sad.
I mean, a monkey spot kind of thing is like,
oh, you won the lottery, but then you get,
you know, thrown in prison for tax evasion.
Oh, God, well, I guess I was just regular, Jeannie.
Like, I'm okay.
And everyone was just unhappy.
Well, yeah, because that's how it is.
That's how America is.
So I would just like float out of the lamp,
give them what they wanted, and they will always
end it up not being stoked.
How do you escape that kind of situation?
Were you trapped in the lamp?
Yeah, you get trapped in the lamp for a while and then you have to talk to like, it's sort
of like an alien, you have to talk to.
It's sort of like an alien?
Yeah, it's not an alien.
There's an alien in charge of an alien.
I'm just, I'm very interested in aliens.
I can't talk about why I'm hesitant to say I'm a hesitant to say sort of like a alien because I know so many people don't believe
They think oh, earth is the only thing with with the living beings on it is a alien taught me this was flat out alien
Wow, and did you make contact first with them or yeah, it was like I was out in a film
Disciland shit came down they were talking to me. They took me on the ship and they were like hey
You're the coming with us. We'll do what's your experiments on you for years whatever
It won't fill out years to you but years it was years of your life
Wow, that's what they said You can do that or you can go
in a lamp and be a journey for law. And I was like, let me see how that is. Yeah, because it feels
like you could do the Jeannie one first. Exactly. And then do the contact that they made first.
Exactly. Knock that one out. Yeah, knock that out. Yeah. So how did you eventually escape the lamp?
Yeah, you talked to the Ellie that put you in the lamp.
And you go like, hey man, I've been thinking through this.
It doesn't seem quite fair.
Let's really look at the contract.
And he was pretty cool about it.
So you signed a contract or?
Oh, okay.
Yeah, you got to read what you're signing.
You got to read what you're signing.
Hey, the on-struck companies.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
They're not part of the AMTP.
No.
Is that the Aliens MPTP?
Aliens MPTP.
Oh, crap.
Aliens.
I know the movie aliens.
Oh, shit, we can't talk about that.
We can't talk about that.
We both worked on the movie aliens.
Remember?
Oh, that's right.
I was ribbed.
I was ribbed.
I was that the little girl.
No, you were the little girl. You were new. Yeah our locations. Oh, oh, we can't talk about it. Yeah, I know I got sorry
Sorry, oh my god. Well, being did I hope that this new business venture of yours is successful
I don't know is it relaxing when people?
People are so relaxing people love it because like I said you get your own juice
You get whatever music You want to hand pain music hand pain it and then squeeze friend in a friendly manner
Yeah, it's like a good connection like you go in there. You feel like you made a friend. Oh, I didn't even tell you what the place is called
Oh, yeah, please hand friends hand friends. Yeah, that says it all. Yeah, wow
Okay, being up can I ask a potentially spicy question? Oh, please, let's get spicy.
Now, you've told me two different instances of being slapped,
also like hand on bare ass.
Are people, are you getting some freaks in there?
I think we might have a big problem.
Is it drawing some freaks who go in and they go like,
ooh, I want a serulian.
And that's where I'm starting to realize
is I think it's a big BDSM crowd.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, I can imagine like someone seeing the ad for that business and going like,
oh, this is a lot like the funeral home thing where I can go and find out if that box is checked
and then do whatever I want with the party. Big in the king community. Yeah, you can't stop thinking about that.
Huge in the king community. If you don't think I've made an appointment with a funeral home right
after this, then that's what he was doing on his phone. He, well, I heard him hire an assassin to go kill Jim Velocon
Like if she winds up dead before this episode comes out
You know we gonna have oh
Monkey pod Jeannie oh shit look being dip I wish you all the luck in the world
And I wish everyone in the world luck. Thanks Scott and I bet everybody appreciates it
I wish you all the luck too all the love in the world luck. Thanks Scott, and I've been everybody appreciates it. I wish them all the luck too,
all the love in the world to you everyone.
Yeah, but we need to take a break if that's okay.
Can you stick around?
That's great.
I'd love to stick around, thanks so much.
Yeah, and Tony, you can stick around.
Yeah, do you want me to?
I do.
And Manchester Orchestra, are you guys ready
to play your first song?
We are.
Okay, so this is from the new record, the Valley of Vision.
And what is the name of...
Can you say what the name is or is that a spoiler of what the song is?
No, I think we can say what the name is.
Okay, what is the name of the song?
The name of the song is Capitol Karma.
Capitol Karma.
And this is about the...
You storming the Capitol.
Is that what?
It was about the...
It was about the... It was about the... It a sixth anthem. Yeah, I mean, you know.
C-A-P-I-T-O-L.
Is that how that's spelled?
Let's just let the song do the talk.
Okay, oh, I gotta do the singing, my dear boys.
That's true.
Here we go.
Okay, so you guys are ready to play.
This is Capital Karma.
This is Manchester Orchestra from the Valley of Vision.
Take it away.
One, two, three, four. Valley of Vision, take it away! By the house near the grave
So you wander in the woods
For a while you win away
There's calm and departing, was it wrong?
In a way, and I want to do is wait for you
All I want to do is wait for you For you, it's nothing left to say
There was capital carnage on a float of parade
May you crave in your car?
Where did it go?
What did it say?
Oh, all I want is way for you.
All I want is way for you.
There's nothing left.
And my losing, my patience, I feel it.
I'm afraid that you know you can see
Let me stand by the door let me breathe it I'll forgive myself, so forgive yourself
I'm not trying to stand in the way and love with you after you are Nothing he is gonna take that away And she would spin from the start
Oh
Oh, yeah, thank God
Gorgeous all right, we're gonna take a break when we come back We will have more from tawny new some more bean dip more Manchester orchestra plus we have my assistant and a wellness expert
Packed show we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this
expert pack show will be right back with more comedy bang bang after this and
and
and
and
and
and
and
and and
and
and
and
and
and
and
and and
and and and
and
and and
and
and and
and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n It's been a lot more than that, but okay, I'll take it. You know her as a human being who lives on Earth.
We also have bean dip is here.
Great to have you.
Hey, man.
And we have the band Manchester Orchestra are here.
They just played a gorgeous version of a song
from their new record, The Valley of Vision.
And how is that to play these stripped-down versions?
Do you do like, do you think of that when you do like?
I don't think you care. I can just tell when you check out. It's amazing. Let's move on
There's only so many questions you can ask bands
You can ask us any questions. We have no
But I don't give a shit
Never have bands on you think you'd have more questions for that. No, never so much more rare You can ask us any questions. We have no strength, but I don't give a shit. Exactly.
You never have bands on.
You'd think you'd have more questions for that.
It's so much more rare.
Do you like?
He invited us to our hometown.
They were counting bangings in Atlanta,
playing with Tabernacle and came to be guests
and still had nothing for us there.
hometown.
Yeah.
Scott, I think you're getting sick of this job.
I don't think it's the strike preventing you
from asking questions you want.
No, it's the strike. No, I think it's gotta be the strike. The fact that I'm unhappy.
I think you need to investigate this man. All right, well, I know I'm gonna be unhappy talking to
this person because I don't know why he wants to be on the show, but he asked me if he could be
on the show. So please welcome Merck, my assistant.
Hi.
Hey.
Hey, I should have made the finish up on email real quick.
Oh, yeah.
Sure.
Could you, could you not have, you knew you were good.
Okay.
And shined.
Hey,
Scott, look, this is the one thing about Merck.
Okay.
Every email, he says, and sand.
It's so fucking.
Hey, Merck.
Hey, Scott, good to have you on.
Hey, think forever, me on.
Hey, this is Tawny.
I scheduled Tawny for me.
I did.
I did, and this is being dip, you also sent.
I'm more.
I've been dip.
Hey, Tawny, I got a question for you.
Yeah.
When's the last time you danced?
Oh, wow.
Last night, actually.
Really?
I'm really doing dancing last night.
My humidifier had like a really beautiful glow around it and I just thought I should dance
next to this humidifier.
That's real.
It's really real.
Wow.
Scott, it looks like it was a good idea.
I came on the show for a little bit.
Mark, I thank you for being on the show.
By the way, Manchester Workers.
Andy, Robert, good to see you both.
I got a question for you. Have you ever met one of your heroes?
These are beautiful questions.
Yeah.
Yeah, who was it and what were they like?
I met this amazing producer, a T-bone Burnett.
Oh.
Yeah, he was great.
Yeah, it's really nice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
One of the only musicians whose name is a steak.
Yeah, we just called him bone
You're not on the show to ask questions. Nope. No, what are you? What are you doing? Scott your busy man? I'm just trying to get a little time with you
So you go over a few things. Yeah, yeah, I'm a free time
I'm a free time, but this is not free time. No, we're both on the both right now
That's right. Although I have considered docking your pay for this. Oh, and conclusion.
I'm gonna wait until after B block.
Okay, I think that's fair.
I think that's fair.
Hey, Scott, I just wanna go over a couple of things with you
that we haven't had a chance to discuss
because you've been busy with the show,
you've been busy with your family.
So I just wanna go over a few things with you.
Okay, what do you got?
Okay, first up, we're having a tour scheduled, okay?
Okay, I'm not ready to announce it here on the show.
Okay, so I really wish you hadn't said that, but yeah, okay.
Okay, so a couple of questions.
Yeah, 11 nights in Fort Lauderdale.
That seems like 11 to many.
Okay, all right.
You're just gonna write that down real quick and send.
By the way, you're my assistant.
Why are you scheduling our tour dates?
That's an agent, doesn't that?
What?
Never know.
You can't talk about them.
Yeah.
We can talk about agents.
Can't we?
Oh, no.
I don't think so.
I can no longer have agents on this show.
I don't think you can.
Okay, I guess I'm just going a little bov and beyond
so when you're thinking about docking my pay,
keep in mind what my word right now.
Okay, great.
And let's hear next question.
You want Gabris to be on, let's see here, 11 dates and four lottery.
You want to give it to be for 11 dates and four lottery.
I don't, I don't even think I want Gabris on, you know, one day I don't even think I want Gabriesson. You know, one day, I don't even know who that is.
Oh boy, okay, all right.
All right, go ahead Mark that down real quick.
I think he was on once because he has a travel show.
Yes, yes, we're not going to discuss that though.
But he can't be on the show anymore.
Okay, great.
Now, next thing here is the original cookie is looking to get they're looking to expand
The original cookie. Yes, are you familiar with the original cookie?
It's a they're malls across America. They're in like the food court. They're a cookie important
They're a cookie company dip have you ever heard of the original cookie? Of course I have delicious morsels.
Yeah, it's the creator of the...
They only give morsels?
Mmm, they give morsels, but they do little morsels
and they do big cookie cakes.
They're all right.
Nothing in between.
Yeah, they smush the morsels together for cakes.
Yes, yeah.
You put little morsels and you put a bug, big one,
and then you get a cake.
And I'm wondering if you want to be an investor,
they've been asking and I've been holding off for a little bit.
They want to know if you've been... I'm glad you've been holding off. I've been holding off for a little bit, they wanna know if you need to be.
I'm glad you've been holding off.
This is the first time it's coming up.
Okay, great, great.
And they wanna know.
I think you should do it.
Other to.
Yeah, the industry's, I mean,
it's very uncertain right now.
Yeah.
And you should diversify.
Yeah, I mean,
I've been on strike with SAG for the past five years.
Yeah, I gotta jump on it.
Yeah, we said,
you know, it's about making the studios feel our absence. And you said they felt it.
Oh, I pre-struck. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah. What are they looking for? Oh, they're looking
for you to stake an ownership claim in their company. Is that all you have to do? Mainly
in the, mainly in the, they're trying to expand into Shaboygan,
Wisconsin at the Memorial Mall,
and they wanna know if Scott Ocarbin
will be the face of the franchise.
The face, oh.
Oh, man.
There's rats.
Yeah, sure, sure.
All right, let's do it.
There we go, Scott, there we go.
Get out of your, how much do I have to put in?
How much money?
Oh, you gotta put in about $65,000.
Let's go.
I'll just do a few weeks on SNL, guess right.
Oh, wait a minute, I can't.
You can't use your traditional methods of earning money.
Oh no.
What other skills can I have?
Can you give me points on your record?
No, we don't make money on our records.
Shit.
Scott, may I have a suggestion for you?
Yeah.
How about a few more nights in Fort Lauderdale?
All right, yeah, schedule is many nights.
All right.
Now, Scott, we're gonna be on a bit of a budget crunch
in Fort Lauderdale.
Do you mind bunking up with old Merck?
At why are you coming, Merck?
What?
I mean, it's just an a slash traveling secretary.
Uh, okay, yeah, sure.
You, uh, not, not the same bed though, right?
You can get a cot or something. No, we'll have a roll away. Yeah, okay, yeah, sure. Yeah, sure, all right. Yeah, whatever. You, uh, not, not the same bed though, right? You can get a cot or something.
No, level roll away.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, whatever it takes.
Okay.
I forgot about the strike.
We're going to need to cut some corners.
That's right.
That's right.
We got to tighten the old belt buckle in there.
I know.
There is one little notch on that belt buckle that I could tighten.
Mm.
We'll discuss that after the show.
Scott, who's got that after the show?
How was you make?
Me?
That's what I was wondering.
What is your salary?
Okay.
I guess we're getting a little personal here.
All right.
No problem getting personal.
Me the question's a little hard when it comes to 20.
Thank you for noticing that.
Thank you.
Okay.
I'm making $32,000 a year.
Gross or net?
It's pretty gross.
But that is my net.
That gets you a half way to the 65.
I'm just putting it out there.
Oh, okay, Andy, listen.
You're on this episode, okay?
Let's just, let's, let's, let's,
let's like overstep our bounds.
Okay, I'm with Scott all the time.
I'm with the assistant.
I don't know if I could survive without Mark.
So, I don't know, but I could cut your pay.
Okay. Mm, okay, let's get, you know, let's, I don't know, but I could cut your pay. Okay.
Okay, let's get, you know, let's,
I'm gonna let's try.
Like strike, there's gotta be some sort of,
during a strike, any employee you have,
you can pay them half or something.
There's gotta be some sort of law about that.
No, actually I think some of the nicer bosses are like
paying their support staff out of their own pocket.
That's strike, yeah.
Yeah, pay them out of your own pocket.
Yeah, you need to pay him more out of your own pocket
because of the strike.
Pay him more.
Yes.
Yeah.
Why he's doing the same thing he always did during the strike.
I got to pay him more.
And this is why we march.
He's your only friend, Scott.
Yes, got me, only friend.
Being dipped at the hotel, do you pay your employees more?
Oh, I sure do.
I can, I can, I look at the going right
for the country and then I, times that by six.
Wow.
So the average like pay, base pay, you, and then you multiply that by six.
Yeah.
Wow, that's a lot of things.
So most of what in there gets like, um, 65, 70 dollars an hour.
Wow.
Wow.
Incredible.
Yeah.
All for just rubbing hands in a friendly way.
That's at the hotel he said Scott.
Oh, so I can't keep track of your business.
I wasn't talking about hand friends.
Yeah, I mean, hand friends, they is a very minimal pay.
Oh, okay.
Oh, yeah.
Are you even doing minimum wage or is this a tips based?
I told everyone it works out.
Look, this is the old time model.
Y'all get 25 sounds a day.
Okay.
Like old newsies.
Like a child. Like old newsies.
Like a child.
Like a newsie.
Okay.
Hey, Mark, can I talk to you for a second?
Yes, please.
Do you feel like Scots checked out?
A little bit.
Do you think that touring extensively
is going to bring him back,
like bring his joy for this back, or make it worse?
I'm hoping he gets to a live audience,
so that he sees the joy in their faces,
and that kind of sparks something within to realize
this is why I got into it in the first place.
Okay, well let's keep an eye on him as his friend and I.
Hey guys, what are you talking about?
Sorry, I walked away for a while.
No, that's okay, I pulled Merc away and then you took that as a cute also turn away.
Oh yeah, I just figured you guys wanted to talk and we should shut down.
Yeah, we have a shared history.
Where did you get that horse from?
I'm not what I us curious about that too.
I don't see that anywhere on the...
That's not on the budget?
There's no budget, I don't see any of my units.
I've been paying stable, I've been stabling this horse
for years, it's not in the budget.
We haven't been riding it off,
you're not getting any sort of tax credit for it.
Oh my God.
That's a big ride off.
They live for so long, they really do.
Put them in one movie and it pays for itself.
Yeah, when you can't talk about that movie
Talking horse movie I can't even bring up that what it's about. I got it to look amp T. P.
Saga I got to talk about my talking horse movie this coming out that I directed you got to give me an exemption
You have to a Manchester orchestra you guys were gonna write songs for the soundtrack right?
What songs did you write?
You guys were gonna write songs for the soundtrack, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What songs did you write?
Mane?
Mane?
Not about the, hold on.
When I told you I wanted you to write a song about Maine.
It's layered.
It's not about the state Maine, right?
No, no, no, no.
Cause this is talking horse in a way it is.
But, you know, obviously that's where,
another way to talk about it,
that is where the movie takes place.
Scott, you have to stop asking for creative things
over the phone.
You have to start writing the email. Yeah, I can't type
This is why I have Merck
Wait, you're sending me in sand. Okay, so did he spell Maine and correctly? Is that the yeah?
How did you spell when you sent me email?
M-A-R-N-M-A-R-N!
Are you British?
Come on!
Yeah, mine.
Hey, can we go this broom closet? We have to do a little rest of this interview in this broom closet? Oh my god! Oh my god! Come on! Come on! Yeah. Mine.
Hey, can we go this broom closet?
We have to do a little rest of this interview
in this broom closet?
No, no, you don't like being in the broom closet?
I do, it's just a horse is big.
I mean, do you think it's a broom closet
because of the horse's mane?
You think it's a mop?
It's not?
And no, this is just a tiny room.
It's not an actual broom closet.
Oh, okay. Stop wiping the floor with my horse tiny room. It's not an actual broom closet. Oh, okay.
Stop wiping the floor with my horse's mane.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Mark, what else is on the agenda?
Okay, Scott, next up on the agenda.
Okay, here's the next thing we got to talk about.
We're talking about lunches, okay?
Okay.
We're talking about lunches and whenever we break for lunch,
you always want to go to tender greens and I'm wondering if we can switch it up just a little bit for just for righty sake
I don't know those greens are so tender. I know I know about tender greens
I don't think so that's a struck company. I don't think tender greens is struck
But it's where every writer goes yeah, and there's like one right by Netflix. So I think that's gotta be bad
We can't talk about tender greens anymore. Oh my god. I'm so sorry. Well, then we're definitely get to switch up restaurants then
Well, where do you want to switch it to? I think we switch to green.
There's another restaurant called green something green leaves green leaves. Oh yeah.
That place is independent. It's good. It's independent. Yeah, yeah, yeah, make it so.
Can I say make it so? No! Well, I mean, you can't, I can't.
Yeah.
Is that your tagline when you were a genie in a lamp,
and they asked, and they made a wish?
I guess so, yeah.
I guess I could appropriate that.
Don't tell you us to it's God.
If they offer you, don't tell you us.
Don't say yes.
Take the experimenting.
Just take the experimenting,
because it'll be over soon and then you think,
even if it's years.
Yeah, I feel like I would miss my daughter growing up.
But the thing is, you won't know it's years.
You'll just come back, you'll be gonna like,
Oh, she's older.
You'll come back with like this.
Your inner light will have been like renewed
when you come back.
So know the lamp and yesterday experimenting.
Yeah, if it comes back, it came up,
all right, and they were asking about it, Scott.
Oh, okay.
So, Mark, can I ask you're the traveling secretary?
Yes.
Who's his secretary when he is in one place?
Oh, that's a good question.
That's my cousin, Melk.
Yeah.
He's like, you're in the middle of the country and Melk.
Oh, I can't even talk about that.
We can't even talk about the middle of the country. Melk in the middle of the country and Malcolm. I can't even talk about that. We gave a talk with the middle of the country.
Malcolm in the middle.
Malk's great though.
I love my God.
I thought about switching you guys.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
Because I love hanging out with Malcolm.
Malk's pretty fun, right?
He is fun.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why aren't you fun like Malcolm?
Oh, well, we, we, uh, we've lived a coin. You, oh, yeah, why aren't you fun like Malcolm? Oh, well that we we've flipped a coin
You oh, yeah, I do that sometimes it's relatively like hey, I want this personality to be flip a coin
Yeah, yeah, because then when you're at family reunions, you can only everyone's got to have a role
Yeah, the fun uncle and then
Then the fun uncle then you've got the like, the studious aunt.
And why is she studying so much?
That's why I wanted to, did she go back to school?
Is it like night school or something?
Yeah, I think the uncles, too,
busy having fun all the time.
Somebody's gotta learn things for the family.
Somebody's gotta make money for the house, huh?
Yeah, yeah, she's going to,
she's going to the university of Colorado at Boulder.
Yeah, at Boulder, really?
That's where they put it.
Yeah.
Everybody has that on, for sure. Yes, absolutely. Is there a At Boulder. Really? That's where they put it.
Yeah.
Everybody has that on, for sure.
Yeah, absolutely.
Is there a big Boulder in Boulder?
Is that why they call it that?
Scott, how dare you?
I hit.
Yeah, I'm a beast in Boulder.
That seemed fucked.
That seemed very fucked.
I'm just wondering, I've never been there.
Well, wondering if there's a big Boulder there.
It sounds whatever you do miss.
It's called a sandwich.
Yeah.
I was like, what can we talk about on this show?
God, here's a deal.
Well, we could do it.
I already can't talk about so much because I'm afraid of me, too.
So then you ask, is there a rock in this town?
Like, what is that?
How is that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Scott's between nights four and five of Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
We're going to head over to Boulder and do a show there
and then we're coming back to the Lauderdale. It seems like bad routing. It doesn't make a lot of
things. It was going back to Fort Lauderdale. Now, have most of my tours have that similar routing? Yes.
And are you mostly bus, like bus and truck tour? Are you? We're taking the car this time. My car!
You have a smart car. Uh-huh. We're gonna be car this time. My car. You have a smart car. Uh huh.
We're gonna be charge-edit constantly.
Okay.
You only have 45 minutes worth of driving on that thing.
That's when you and I are gonna really learn about each other.
Okay.
And maybe you'll learn to ask some good questions.
I hope so.
Because you ask really nice ones.
I don't have to ask all the questions the entire time.
Okay.
During the car trip, of me.
Yeah, I mean, what is there to know about your life?
I've never talked to you about anything other than my business.
Can I do you know if I can swim?
I guess you probably can.
I can.
God have you ever asked, hey, I'm gonna pee.
How's the signal for care, Ola?
Yeah, I mean, you wear a lot of jewelry.
So like, you have a ring on every single one of your fingers.
That's right.
That's right.
But I don't know whether one's a wedding ring,
or a lot of rings on my fingers
with the only one that matters.
And that's this one right here.
Oh, okay, is that a, are you actually married?
I am, I'm a wife.
You have a wife?
Oh, congratulations.
How long have you been married?
11 years.
11 years, wow. Okay, and wife, oh, congratulations. How long have you been married? 11 years. 11 years, wow.
Okay, and we've been working together.
How long?
12 years.
12 years, so you met her, where did you meet?
Did you meet her while we were working together?
Oh, okay.
On tour.
On tour, really?
So a little road beef?
Oh, Scott.
What's he up to?
What's he up to?
It was so good.
It was so beautiful. It was not comedy bang bang. Road beef. For the hell? See, I'm afraid of being God too. It was so good, it was so beautiful.
It was not comedy bang bang.
Road beef.
For the last 15 seconds,
you guys call it that.
You guys call it?
Road beef, yeah.
Robert, is that what you call it?
Come out, road beef.
I got the ring as well, so no road beef for you.
Look, to be honest, I really don't want to know
that much about you, Merck.
I'm, I, I, we have a bit, we have a great business
working relationship.
You make $32,000 a year, you know, and, and, you know,
we keep it per fish.
That's what I want.
I'm fine doing that, Scott, then on the road,
on our road trip, we're gonna listen to some podcasts.
All right, what's one podcast you would like to listen to
on the road?
Mark Marin.
Mm-hmm. Uh, it's got a huge bat catalog. I guess you would like to listen to on the road. Mark Marin.
It's got a huge bat catalog. I mean, I'm not caught up with this week's Conan.
I guess we could.
Well, tell you what he eats up for.
Oh, I don't think you can mention Conan.
I can't even mention Coke because he has TV show
for a long time.
He had a TV show for all time.
And it was called Conan.
Stop trying it.
Can I mention Conan the Barbarian?
No, it's gone.
No, they made two movies out of that.
Exactly, come on.
Come on.
Oh, God.
You're finding that you have no other interest
except the AMPTP.
That's your life.
I love the portrait.
I love the portrait.
Can I give, can I glue you on something?
Yeah, what do you have?
Most of Scott's emails are either too Sony.
I can hear this one.
Amazon.
Oh, Hulu Netflix.
Netflix.
Netflix.
I'm a lot.
Yeah, he can't remember his passwords.
No.
Yeah, so he checks with them and say he's emolending the executives.
Yeah, he's emolending all the executives.
Like back channeling.
Mm hmm.
On whose side?
Is he trying to get us a good deal?
Yeah, he's trying to get, he's trying to, he say strong armament they can't last long.
Oh, Scott!
Mike don't care.
Yeah, let's get him.
But podcasts is gonna go down the toilet
unless this strike ends.
So anything I can do.
Yeah, I'm emailing Ted,
Sarandone.
Oh, first name basis.
Yeah, I know Ted, so what?
I met Netflix, wow, that's just, I'm Ted. So what? Netflix, wow. That's just saying, like, just keep going.
Just keep going.
Stay strong.
Stay sure.
You're more powerful than the writers and the actors.
You're looking to have more money.
You're looking at those big muscles.
I got to write all this out every time.
You look at your big muscles.
I write it, but I don't want to send it.
So you dictate that and you have to write it.
I got to write it.
You watch as when I'm writing.
And he's done his horse. I'm down on the ground.
So the horse come on tour?
Horse comes on tour.
Yeah, yeah.
We don't have a, I can't afford to pay
for one of the trailers.
No.
So we force him to gallop as fast as possible
behind a smart car.
Yeah, it's good that we take all those breaks.
The horse needs it as much as the car does.
It seems like a lot.
Fort Lauderdale, the boulder.
Yeah. Have you ever taken a horse fort lotter day out of Boulder. Yeah, if I don't have horse.
Have you ever taken a horse on any of your tours?
Sure.
I mean, yeah, it's important to have certain things
on tour that make you feel at home.
Yeah, yeah.
So, I saw Neil Young, the other night,
he had his electric trains on stage.
Yeah, I have the horse.
Crazy horse.
Yeah, young.
Yeah, that's where I came from.
Great, yeah, incredible.
Yeah, he's something else.
Anything else on the agenda here, Merrick?
Right, we're coming up on a break, if that's...
Okay, just one more thing, I think we got another guest
coming up here, I just want to remind you of that.
We have another guest on the show.
I know, I'm in the middle of the show, I know who the guest is.
Okay, well let me just confirm it with them, Anne's.
You're confirming now?
They should be here in a little bit.
A little bit.
Yep, well I got to tell them whether we're in the closet now,
if they've got to remind them where we are, they're probably sitting in the I got to tell them whether we're in the closet now. If I should get a reminder where we are, they're probably sitting in the
Don't type out that we're in the closet now.
Okay, we're in the closet now.
All right, get over here.
All right, get over here.
It's even worse.
Well, you're the, well, okay, I'm just saying what I think you would say.
All right.
All right.
So I have to say that he really emails in my voice.
I don't know how you captured it.
Oh, Scott, 12 years together.
And my wife and I mainly talk about you.
That's so flattering.
Oh my God.
She pretends to be you.
And then I, not in the bedroom or anything, I'm just saying like,
other rooms of the house.
Other rooms of the house, the bedroom.
Yes, the rest, the bed room.
That's our room Scott, you stay out of it.
Yes Scott, stay out of it.
And they're trying to get road beef in there.
Yeah.
Yeah, stop trying to find a cadaver.
You can go red beef at your house.
You can.
Home beef.
OK, yeah, home beef.
Thank you.
That should be, by the way, a title of one of your next songs.
Yeah, go, go.
For the talking horse movie.
Well, it's not, I feel like it would confuse people
because horses aren't beef.
I don't know, we'll have a discussion when,
tomorrow when we're working on the script together. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Tony, you have to go right. Yeah, I do. Yeah. Okay. Well, that's cool. But being dead, you can stick around. Oh, loves to stick around. And Merck, you can stick around.
Oh, or what? The horse. The horse can stick around, of course. And a Manchester Orchestra,
you can stick around. You're going to play some songs in our next segment. When we come
back, this is very exciting. We have a wellness expert. We'll have more bean dip, more
Merck, more Manchester Orchestra. And no more tawny, we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this! Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo She said something about, got an audition, she had to go to.
And didn't want to miss it, but Bean Dipper is still here.
Hey, holler, holler, holler.
Yeah, holler. Yeah. What were you doing during the break?
Well, I just went around to where they have the water fountain.
And I just splashed a little bit of that on my face.
I said, wake up, wake up.
You were falling asleep, Dr.
Yeah, I needed to get super charged.
Yeah, super just so just water on the face does that.
Water on the face hits me like strong coat.
Like cocaine.
Wow.
Strong coat.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, like very, very finely granulated. Like some of the
recent fentanyl, you know, cocoa, more like old school, just old school like free base
practice. Studio 24 Whitney Houston Whitney Houston studio 54 free base and crack. Okay. I
mean, it has been like a beautiful thunderstorm just water on the face water all the
couple drops
Mmm more like a handful
Hmm, I got my shirt wet. Then I had to go in the bathroom to stand on the hand dryer
You know basic bikes. Yeah basic brake stuff
Basic brakes of it was a longer-break than normal because Merck here Merck's here with us
Had just confirmed our next guest. So we had to take, we, we
took about three hours. We took about three hour break and in that time, I got the original
cookie to do a cookie in your likeness cat. In my likeness. It's gonna look just like you.
Of my face. Of your face. Okay. Wow. Okay. You can have almonds for eyes. Okay. I'm worried
that's gonna make me look dead or like a zombie or well it's got
We have to take a trip to Shaboye, Wisconsin to find out what it looks like. Okay, you schedule that in between Boulder and
Crazings you're gonna have crazons for your nostrils
Mm-hmm. I don't know that I want any nostrils to be honest like when you see something in your likeness
It's like you don't want nostrils to be a
Big part of the how's it a don't want nostrils to be a big part of the.
How's it of face with nostrils, man?
I go, okay.
I mean, couldn't it be like sort of taking picture from above or something where like the
nostrils are not visible?
You want an above picture?
I'm looking down.
I guess that would be weird on a cookie.
Ruler on a cookie scot.
I don't be eating a lot of cookies scot, but.
Look, it doesn't have anything to do eating a lot of cookies.
We're talking about a likeness.
First of all, on a cookie.
I'll go, I'll email them and I'll see if they want to do
in a bulk shot of your face.
You see what they say, but I mean, at UK,
you probably can dictate the terms on this one.
Let me just evening, and send.
All right.
We also have Manchester Orchestra here. Hi, hello. if I can send. All right. All right.
We also have Manchester Orchestra here.
Their new record, the Valley of vision.
This is one of your records that has done the title.
It is, yes.
Yeah, love those.
Yeah, thanks man.
It's great work.
Yeah, it's great.
It fits in almost everything.
You know what I mean?
Like, come up with a sentence that doesn't have the in it.
And it's like, I don't want to hear it.
That's a really good point.
You didn't say that.
You said that's close.
No cigar.
And you're going to be doing some,
oh and the horse is still here, yeah.
Oh.
What's he wearing?
Well, this is the costume we're trying to put on for the movie.
We're doing a costume fitting right now.
They didn't say that we couldn't do costume fittings.
So we're just, we're trying out some stuff.
What do you think, Mark, you picked this one.
What is this?
New York, Nick's jersey and uniform.
Yeah, jersey and uniform.
Strange.
Strange.
So it's basically a New York, Nick's uniform.
And then we put a jersey on top of it.
Yeah.
It's kind of confusing because you look up taking your direction years, cat.
All right.
I mean, he looks like a professional player and a fan at the same time.
Mm-hmm.
Best of both worlds that he can relate to the fans and to the professional players.
Mm-hmm.
We want both of those audiences for this film.
Yeah.
baseball fans and the players.
That's right.
Well, love my talking horse movie, which we cannot talk about.
We need to get to our next guest.
She's been on the show before.
She's a wellness expert.
I believe she's also a malignant.
Please welcome back to the show, Tearness Smart.
Oh, boys, got an others.
Hi.
Hi, Tearness.
Hi, Tearness.
Yeah, nice to meet you. You've been dipped. I'm a big fan. Yeah. Nice to meet you. You can be in
DIP. I'm a big fan. Oh my God. Thank you. I love I love meeting fans.
And you seem great. Well, we'll see. That remains to be seen. Mark,
thank you for emailing me. I'll be rather late. So I'm hey, I'm just glad
you found the closet. Yeah, it was hidden. But I'm happy to be here
with you. Scott, this is a turning point for us.
I don't know what you mean.
I mean, you've been on the show a couple of times.
Yeah, but I mean, as we walked out of this hallway,
we have to turn left, because we're on the move.
Oh, yeah, I mean, that's the other thing.
We left the closet.
We're doing sort of a West Wing walk-and-talk
this entire segment.
Yeah, you said, let's sork in the fuck out of this. Yeah, that's what you said. Yeah, are we allowed to say that? I. Yeah, you said let's sorkin the fuck out of this.
Yeah, you said.
Yeah, are we allowed to say that?
I was like, hey, you mind sorkin the fuck out of this?
I'm afraid of being me, too.
Well, same, but that's not what I'm here to talk about, Scott.
Yeah, what are you here to talk about?
You've been on the show before.
I mentioned you're a malignant.
Yeah, that was, I had a malignant on the back of my brain. Yeah. It's no longer there.
Nameless Lisa. She loved talking about movies. Oh, that's yeah. That's right. I thought it was
two different guests, but it turned out to be a malignant situation. Well, a lot of people probably
thought it was two different guests, but those people would be fools. Okay. Yeah. But you've been
on the show and you've mentioned like your wellness tips, I guess?
Yeah, I have been a wellness, it's got,
you're heavy-sized.
This is exhausting.
And I just have to, okay, I don't know if I'm allowed
to do this yet, but there's something
I've been wanting to get off my chin.
Okay, yeah.
Are you familiar with Chuck Shoemaker? something I've been wanting to get off my chin. Okay, yeah.
Are you familiar with Chuck Shoemaker?
Speaker of the mouse.
And he called a congregational hearing this week,
or next week, depending on when this airs,
to talk about UFOs.
Are you familiar?
Am I familiar with UFO?
I mean, you know, bean dip here has a little experience with UFOs. You do? Yeah, very familiar. Are you familiar? I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I- Yeah, looks like within the past two weeks, you got like, you had a time jump and you got taken
and you didn't even know it.
It's true.
I didn't get taken so much as I got brought here, Scott.
I got brought here and I've been sitting on a wapper
of a secret.
Wait a minute, you didn't get taken meaning
you're not from here originally?
No, who would be?
I mean, Earthlings. Oh, this place is trash.
I have to look.
I'm not gonna disagree, but are you saying you're an alien?
I don't know, you're...
Words, I don't have the words that you have.
Which is why, sometimes when I look for a word,
it is a disappeared from me.
But basically, every time I've come here,
I've been struggling to tell you
that I was sent here to give you guys future knowledge. So you're a time traveler? Sure!
Don't try to track it too much. Because aliens don't, I would assume they don't know anything
about the future necessarily. Well I do. What do you know that I, why would I know, why would you know what I know?
So you know things.
I do know a lot of things.
That's good.
Are you open receiving them?
I'm open to receiving them.
Yes.
What do you know about my future?
Well, did you know that sweet and low is not good for you?
I mean, that came out in the news over the past week or so.
That is future knowledge that I have been sitting on.
And then I can finally get it off my chest.
As the great Adam Sandler said,
that's something you could have let me know about yesterday.
Oh, I can't even talk about that anymore.
I don't know who that is.
Why can't you talk about that?
There's a strike going on.
We can't talk about our big favorites Adam Sandler
and his body of work. Oh, I have lots of big favorites. Oh, who are your big favorites?
Um, my favorite, my biggest favorite is probably the movie the favorite. My second biggest favorite is probably
favorite Dave's ice cream. Have you been to favorite Dave's ice cream? I'm learning about so many snack places.
Favorite days?
No, I'm writing them down.
Yeah, I want like an aerial shot of like the top of my head as a cone.
Yeah.
If you can get that for.
It's just a man's home.
It's a man's home.
It's a man's home.
Yeah, and you guys ice cream there that you can have with him.
I haven't been so happy to get that off my face.
Okay, cancel, cancel, email.
I hope you didn't say Anson.
Anson?
Anson.
Anson.
But basically, I'm a treasure trove of future knowledge.
So let me know what you want to know, and I'll see you at the movies.
Oh, darn.
The one thing you've told me about was like, you know, news that's already come out.
Do you know something that hasn't come out yet or? I don't know what already come out. Do you know something that that hasn't come
out yet or? I don't know what's come out. I know what I know. What do you know? You asked me
a thing you're interested in and I'll tell you the secrets I know from the future about it.
Okay. When will the strike end? I think it'll be about a hundred days in two in and it'll be about 100 days in 2008.
I have some bad news for you.
This is 2023.
I don't go by your earth calendar.
I'm sorry, but the strike of 2008,
that's been long over.
Well, then I was right.
We made out like bandits.
But I'm very happy for you.
And I'm happy for me because no one's happy when you can't see your way out of a paperback.
Teerna, yeah.
This is what I worry about.
You were sent here to impart future knowledge to us.
Yes.
And you've been sitting on it.
Yes.
And it's all old news.
You're old news.
How dare you?
Okay.
I don't invite guests on this show to treat me like that. And it's all old news. You're old news. How dare you. Okay. Whoa.
I don't invite guests on this show to treat me like that.
I, you didn't invite me, Mark did.
Right, Mark, back me up.
That's right.
I should have expressed you can't treat Scott like that,
but I did not explicitly say that that's on me.
You didn't put that on the emails?
I didn't put that on the emails.
How are you not supposed to treat me?
And the rules that look you have for looking at me?
No.
No.
That feels like a pay doc right looking at me. No, no. I have a pay-dog right there.
Wait, Andy, please.
There's not Andy.
Robert, Robert, another pay-dog.
Another pay-dog, yeah.
Okay, all right.
We only have so many, I only have so many characters
I can put in our emails.
Yeah.
No. We have a character limit.
We should have a character limit.
I'll tell you that much.
Oh.
Oh.
Scott.
Yeah.
I just feel like I have a weight.
You're resetting?
Oh, wait.
I don't know.
That was my job.
I can't even reset during the strike.
You're not allowed to reset.
No back to one is allowed.
Wait, Tyr, what was the most important thing
you were supposed to tell us about?
Electric cars are coming.
They're, I have one.
Wow.
That's amazing how'd you get one.
I just, I bought it at the store.
Oh, I mean, it's not a store.
Do you want it at the store?
Do you want it at the store?
It's kind of a store.
It's kind of a store.
Yeah, a store.
Yeah.
Were you supposed to warn the human race about something that was coming up in a little
month of September in a little year called 2001?
Oh, well, if you're referring to the great computer crash of Y2K, yes, I am everyone.
Get your money out of the banks, everyone.
Make sure the computers don't know where your money is
because they're going to reset to zero, zero, zero, and then you're not going to exist.
So you're wrong about some stuff.
Like back to the future.
So you're just like a conspiracy theorist.
I don't, I'm from another place that doesn't have your words like conspiracy.
Okay, I, uh, Terni, I worry that you're, you're, you're you that I hit my head into swimming pools. That was something
that you talked about. Oh, okay, because what I really am is a
profit from the future. And I'm not talking about the money that
the AMPTP collects every year. The profit, yeah. Where are you
talking about the future? I was trying to do like a double entendre that wasn't about sex.
That's almost impossible.
I have to say.
I think I accomplished it.
Yeah, maybe.
But maybe not.
No, here's what I worry, but I worry that you're just a regular human being like, well,
like Merck here.
What?
Like Malk, your brother or your cousin.
Your cousin, right, yeah.
Like, you know, like.
There's nothing regular about him, all right?
He's pretty special.
He is pretty special.
So let's leave him out of this.
Okay.
But I worry that you're just a regular human being
like all of us and that you hit your head
in two swimming pools and that you're hallucinating all of this.
What do you mean?
No, I'm from a far away planet.
I believe.
You have experience with aliens. You believe her. Yeah, I could tell she's saying what she's saying.
I mean, I could tell she's saying what she's saying, too, because I think I heard it.
Yeah, I could tell she's saying what she's saying.
Forenticies and history. Thank you, BeanDip.
Oh, BeanDip knows I'm from a faraway place. I bet you've never even heard of it.
Yes, God.
What's the place that you've been to?
Sacramento.
Okay, that's just, that's a town.
That's a town.
Not the one you've been to.
There's more parentheses.
Yes, Sacramento, parentheses of the Gamma Quadrant.
You gotta always read through to those parentheses.
How many times have I been listening to a song and I'm enjoying it?
And then I read parentheses Taylor's version. Oh god
That was another secret from the future. I think she's gonna read all those
Taylor Taylor Taylor's gonna read you all our albums
Do you have any future knowledge about J. Lo and how she's gonna?
Oh, no.
Are you a big J. Lo fan?
I mean, he wants to have sex with her dad Bonnie.
Oh, you do that.
You do do that.
What do you do that?
No one knows about it, though, right?
Our entire race of people knows about it.
I'm cool with other planets here.
Yeah, you do do that.
All right.
Yeah.
Any other questions?
Well, I mean, what?
You can sort of use me like a crystal ball.
OK, well, I, you know, look, I have a young nepo baby.
And I'm worried about this Earth and the climate.
And what kind of world is she going to inherit, you know?
Okay, the climate, that's a great question.
So I hate to tell you, do you like the ocean?
Do you be sure?
I mean, you've never heard of something called
Exxon Maldives.
Yeah, the pipe, yeah, no, it happened a long time.
There's gonna be a really big.
We know.
Boils.
Yeah.
There's gonna be little black shiny dolphins swimming around
tugging at your heartstrings.
There's gonna be blue-go-wails with faces full of slick.
Yeah.
There's gonna be little...
It happened so long ago too, like all those animals
would be dead by now anyway, so it's like...
Oh, look, I don't live in your linear time,
but I do know that you're gonna see
little little oil covered tune fishes.
And it's gonna make you think twice
when you order us at once.
Wait, yeah.
We already saw it.
I look, I, do you have anything post 2023 for us?
Post 2023.
Well, I guess I can tell you that,
the corporations of Disney, Netflix, Amazon, and all those
other ones, they actually explode.
And then all the writers and actress take over and start their own companies.
But cameras are too expensive.
We can't afford those.
Some of the richer people can.
And so then they buy the cameras and then they make their own content.
Sounds like some artists that are united.
Oh yeah.
That might be the name.
And Scott, do you want to know your future?
Yeah, please. What's on deck for me?
You're going to be in charge of it.
Really?
You're going to run the new collective.
The artists that are united headed up by Scott Ockerman, I like the sound of this.
That's right, and you pay everybody really well.
Oh.
Everyone loves you.
But I went my peak, right?
You weigh your pants every day.
That's part of my body.
That's your thing you have to try.
You get this great job and you're a hero.
Wait a minute, are you just a monkey pod genie?
You have to, what do you mean?
You're just a monkey pod genie.
Answer me, these wishes three.
Wait, I need to answer your three wishes?
Yeah, what is that in her pocket?
Oh my god. Oh, there it is.
It's the monkey's ball.
Get in there.
Oh, it's so gross.
I can't have it.
Get it away.
Get it away.
Get it away.
You figured me out.
Oh my god, the horse ate it.
Yeah.
This all went according to plan.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Wow.
And I mean, look, I was worried that this show was going
to be boring because of the strike,
but we had a horse eating a monkey's paw and I heard you hated your second guest
Or so well, I mean I don't he she's a personal for mark emailed me and said get here fast
Dark really doesn't like the guest he's talking to you really captured my voice. Oh, yeah
All right, no pay docs for you. There we go. All right
Well guys, we're running out of time
Unfortunately, I could go on forever having this much fun
But we do have time for one final feature on the show that is of course a little something called plugs
Keep the plugs on short. Can't last a long time
Cut it off right about here. Yeah, that'll work. Just fine
We've got to keep the plug being short.
Can't last a long, long time.
People's got stuff to plug.
And this is their time to shine.
See, brevity's the soul of width.
So keep it short and sweet.
Maybe just the gist.
Then cut out the beat.
If you're gonna make it long, not too long, that's the key. Perhaps a robust medium sounds
acceptable to me. Now if push comes to shove, then the thing is too dark. Go ahead, submit it.
Anyway, it's probably not long enough.
Slow fade out. All right, that was the shortest plug song ever conceived by God or man by a deadbeat, a
deadbeat milkman.
Yeah, a deadbeat milkman.
Yeah, I think so.
Thanks to a deadbeat milkman, if you have a plug theme head over to CBBWorld.com slash
plugs and you can be famous for a week.
All right, what are we plugging?
Let's see, be careful everyone. Everyone be so careful, tread lightly,
tippy toes, tippy toes, beam tip, what are you plugging?
I'd usually talk about some stuff my friends do in,
but I'd rather just talk about hand friends.
Hand friends, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, why not?
Hand friends, where's it located?
It's located on
Figueroa in Holland part
It's over by kitchen mouth by
By what mouse kitchen kitchen mouth. It's a delicious. What's wrong?
Oh, okay, I've been there. They have a good kale and mushroom Caesar
They sure do it's real good kitchen mouth not owned by any struck company. No,
AMTPT for five, six, so and eight. I got, hey, Merck invite Ted to Kitchen Mouse.
We got to make sure that he touched Rando's and send. Okay, great.
Hey, friends, it's right next door. It's right next door. Okay, maybe I'll swing by after I
have lunch with Ted. You definitely should, but I don't want to say that guy. Okay.
You definitely should, but I don't want to say that guy. Okay.
I'll make it a minute.
Tell him to wear the Gimp mask.
Unless he's come over and tell some stories about Susan Sarandon.
Tell him to lose the mask.
Tell stories about Susan Sarandon.
He must know her, right?
Right. Same, almost same name.
Yeah, just exactly.
Um, and Tierna, what, uh...
You'll always forget my name. Well, I look. Is it Tierna or a Tierna, what... You'll always forget my name.
Well, I look.
Is it Tierna or Tierna?
It's Tierna!
Tierna, yeah.
And it's an alien name, so I'm unaccustomed to sing.
I picked it because it sounded very human.
What do you want to plug and be careful?
Um, I guess I just want to plug the future as a general concept.
I mean, yeah, I feel like everyone's going to enjoy it.
It's where we're all going, like it or not.
Yeah.
You got to get there so bad.
So buckle up, buckle up, because it's going to be a bumpy flight.
Okay, wonderful.
And Manchester Orchestra, obviously the Valley of Vision is out now.
How do you, I mean, people know where to get music right?
It's internet. Yeah, the internet. Yeah, like a lime wire and stuff like that. Totally
Always a really appreciate these
News about lime wire. What do you got? It's gonna go away
You can't use it much anymore
And what's a you're on tour for another a few weeks right?
Like five or six weeks. Wow, and where do people get the dates? Manchesterorkscher.com
We did actually took it like 12 years to get it. Yeah, we would have done
Manchester or somebody had it. Yeah, some loser. Yeah, right? We had to pay for it too. Really? How much did you pay for 32 grand?
$32,000 to get calm. That's crazy. Really, how much did you pay? 32 grand. 32,000 dollars to get.com?
Yeah, it's crazy.
You ever consider just going.net?
Shit.
Oh my God.
You feel so stupid right now.
32 grand, man.
You couldn't hire a Merck over here.
I know.
Now I'm going to have that kind of money.
Go away.
I'm stick with you, Scott.
I don't have Scottagerman.com, so anymore.
I think I had it for a while.
I got it.
You got, you're squatting on Scott Aquaman dot com.
Yeah, yeah.
How much do I have to pay you for it?
Yeah, I'll give you two in the time is right.
It's nice.
But don't forget Scott.
Hey, we're not there.
We got comedy bang bang,
Bona Fort Lauderdale November 2nd through the fifth
back to the beach.
There could be all the shows up beyond the beach.
They were flying out of Boulder Colorado on the sixth and they were heading back to the beach. There could be all the shows beyond the beach. They were flying out of Boulder, Colorado on the sixth,
and they were heading back to Fort Lauderdale
for the seventh through the 13th.
We'll be doing shows at midnight every night
on the beach.
So make sure you show up.
It's gonna be great.
And Pals and Pals of Road V.
And the band is coming with you, right?
Yeah, they're gonna open.
It's not a co-headlining thing like you guys do with Jimmy E. World.
No, I'm headlining.
Of course you're headlining, yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Thank you.
Yeah.
No, the crowd's gonna be so excited to hear you guys's instrumental holiday music before
the Bang Bang show.
Thanksgiving themed holiday music, right?
You guys are gonna write some Thanksgiving songs?
Yeah, we can.
I mean, a lot of people do get our name confused with like, man,
I'm steamroller, so we did some more of like a Christmas thing, you know.
I've never thought about that. Yeah, interesting.
We actually, true story, had a little bit of a weird Twitter beef with them, like, like 15 years ago.
Yeah, they did, and it doesn't get resolved.
No, it doesn't. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's thick.
Yeah. It's really thick with that.
Who insigated you or them?
They were mad that somebody said that we were better than them or that their parents were
confused and they were upset, you know.
And they were upset about that.
Yeah, I think, you know.
What age?
I'm wondering this for myself.
What age is it where just suddenly everything makes you mad?
It's a good question.
Well, you're there.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
29.
Yes, Scott, that's not the future.
That's the past for you.
Merck, what do you want to plug here?
Oh, I think I just plugged a bunch of shows.
So I think we're pretty well set there.
You're good, OK?
I feel pretty good about that.
Boom.
Oh, excuse me.
Are you all right?
You got cold.
Sorry.
Yeah. This closet. right? You got cold. Sorry.
Yeah.
Ooh, it's closet.
Microclimate.
Yeah.
I want to plug, hey, you know what is not struck?
The publishing industry.
So buy that comedy bang bang, the podcast, the book.
We'll hopefully have some news coming up at some point
for the holidays for more signed copies.
If you were looking for a signed copy, but if you don't care about that, then buy it right now.
And you can get all the links to it at CBBWorld.com slash book. And if you are there,
you know, check out CBB World. There are previous episodes of this show, although much like,
you know, watching anything the AMP TPP,
made, I wouldn't listen too far back from episode
to this show, maybe the past year or so, I think is good,
but.
Ooh.
Oh.
I get scared by the past.
I forgot that detail.
I'll address it next time.
OK, thank you.
And also, we have so many great shows over there.
We have, of course, CBB Presents
where people who are on this show have their own shows.
Being dip, you were with Entre P. Newer.
You did some Entre P. Newer's, Entre P. Newer tours.
Yeah, kind of all the played with them.
Yeah, that was fun.
It was fun.
They did a great job, and I was happy to help be a judge.
Yeah, and we also have, hey, Randy,
with Randy Snuts over there.
And this book changed my life and we'll, heins, I'm proved to meet you, I believe.
We just did another episode of that.
So there's that.
There's also college town.
There's ad free episodes of this show, ad free episodes of three of them.
And of course, Scott hasn't seen where, Sprig the Whisperer and I watch movies.
Okay, that seems to be about all I can plug. Let's close up the old plug. What's the lyrics that how many okay I'm not that bad Bet your way to get it I'm gonna bring it up
Oh, I know
I know
I'm not that bad
I'm not that bad
I'm not that bad
I'm not that bad
I'm not that bad
I'm not that bad
You got her
I'm not that bad Here it comes Oh, that was plug back city by Burns Weee Andy Robert as professional musicians
Well, I want to thank my guests being dip so great to have you here. I'd love to be in here with you Scott
I love it and I got to visit your your place. Yeah, come on over to handprints
I got a pick a color because I don't want to spank you. Hey, you don't go fight me bitch
Come on in get your book a green Okay Okay. Oh, yeah, you're right
I just want the green and
Tira no, thank you so much for being here watch out for pianos. Oh
Oh shit, that might actually be from the future. Yeah, wait was that to Manchester orchestra? Yes
Yeah, watch out for pianos. You don't have a piano on any of your songs, do you, right?
Yeah, a lot.
Oh, shit.
This is really, this is really troubling.
Be careful.
Wait, Jimmy, the world doesn't use a piano on stage, right?
No, I don't, so this is totally about us.
Oh, shit.
Oh my God, this is, all right, well, we'll see.
Hopefully you guys don't, I mean, if J-Lo passes away
between now and this episode coming out, that's understandable,
but you got to.
Are you asking if we have checked the box?
Yes, you want to...
You guys haven't checked this box, have you?
And Merck, thank you.
What are you doing over there?
What's going on?
Just typing over, just getting one more email out the original cookie.
One more email to original.
Just one more real quick.
What angle did they go with?
Oh, they went with up.
Not underneath, not from up.
From up.
Oh, triple chin.
Triple chin.
First chin.
Caramel.
Oh, okay.
That sounds good.
Second chin. Yeah. Jelly. Second chin, jelly.
Okay, caramel and jelly.
And crazons.
Yep, third chin, whipped cream.
I mean, it's not the worst cookie idea I've ever heard of.
It's original, you gotta give it a round.
It's a round, that's true.
Well, thanks for being on the show.
No paydoc for you, so, and I'll see you in full.
No paydoc for you.
We had a talk about it.
Not even the cadence of that.
The cadence is a big part of that.
Yeah.
But what we can hear are songs from Manchester Orchestra.
Are you guys ready to take us out with,
I was saying, are you gonna play the big single?
We are.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What song is this, what's it called?
Oh, I thought you would know,
because it's the big single.
Well, sure, I know what it is,
but you're gonna like it, it has the in it.
Oh, hell yeah.
It's called The Way.
The Way.
Thanks so much for being here, guys.
Really, it's always a pleasure to have you on.
Let's hear it.
This is Manchester Orchestra, a acoustic
version of the way. Their big hit single from the Valley of Vision. All right guys, take
it away. I think I'm losing my mind, with a fear of pain, the fentanyl, hungry like the animal
that I've been sleeping on.
I see you losing your line, well they cut you into decimals
Drowning out those decibels
Screaming in your head
When do you want to find the antidote
Driving with the holy ghost
Holy death, holy smoke
When does it start again
Robin Drinking from' from the Paris scope,
is tryin' to watch my obstacles.
See how fully I've been broke,
you'll let me start again.
Who?
I think I'm losing a line, well the alter is unaudible, it's dense and pathological, the capillary thread, when you run out of time
Well the soul becomes synonymous
The weight is now phenomenal and deafening again
Are you feeling like an anecdot, hovering to that hospital
Huff and fine, holy, who does it start again, robbing laws beyond the telescope,
God damn die of all that cold, God forgive the prodigal,
when you start again. Oh, oh, let me start you Who now falls my way, my way, my way, now I think I finally found that antidote
I've been lying to Holy Ghost, Holy Bat's the Philippe Pro
Let me start again, I've been sinking in that horoscope
Love is an avarotional, holy death and holy smoke
Let me start again
Who?
Who?
Alright, we'll see you next time. Thanks, bye! you