Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Natalie Morales, Jillian Bell, Griffin Newman, Christine Bullen

Episode Date: November 7, 2022

Powerhouse duo Natalie Morales and Jillian Bell join Scott to talk about their new movie “I’m Totally Fine,” performing sketch comedy together for charity, and compete in a Whitney Houston singi...ng competition. Then, YouTube reviewer CJTETHEMAN9888_UNLIMITED stops by to review YouTube for the first time. Plus, writer Piper Adoggy drops by to talk about her unsold holiday movie scripts.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Ditto ditto dumpling my whole world is crumbling my pants are on and I'm in the bed welcome to comedy bang bang uh thank you to oh gosh I closed my phone and didn't even see who did thank you to slippery jibby all right for that cast phrase submission thank you to slippery jibby and welcome to comedy bang bang happy Navi doggie to you uh first week in Navi doggie it's uh an exciting time to be alive uh you got Thanksgiving coming up right at the end uh other stuff before that I'm just trying to straining to think of anything else that happens in thing in November anything no the puppy bowl the puppy bowl wait no is the I think the puppy bowl is that where the super bowl in general yeah that would be the February what's the game that they play on Thanksgiving
Starting point is 00:01:11 day oh the lingerie bowl oh maybe it's a puppy parade but there's a puppy parade wait there's actually a dog show which is different than what I'm thinking but I do enjoy the dog show yes the dog show is the one where they pointed the dogs and then they shoot them in the face and they go okay who can take it 50 cent style that's the saddest joke I've ever made uh anyway Thanksgiving coming up we'll see you there uh but uh before we get there my name is Scott Arkerman uh welcome to comedy bang bang we have a great show coming up a little later we have a writer uh we also have a youtube reviewer hmm this shows really going downhill but we but I do have to say the stars are back the stars had flocked away from comedy bang bang for so long
Starting point is 00:01:57 during the pandemic well they wanted to do it over zoom and that was fine but then when it was in my backyard they were like hell no other than Anders Holm who came the wrong day he came the day before we were supposed to record to his credit came back the next day uh but other than that no stars in the backyard but the now we're back in the studio the stars are back they have appeared on the show separately and now they have combined into some sort of Voltron if Voltron were only two parts like the bottom half and the top half into a Voltron like team and they're appearing together if you can believe it promoting their new movie called I'm Totally Fine which came out on Friday they're here I'm so glad that they are here they're two of my favorites uh please welcome Natalie
Starting point is 00:02:43 Morales and Jillian Bell hello hello hi Scott it's nice to see you again it is so nice to see you again what was the last time I feel like it was in that room over there it was a while ago I mean all the rooms here look the same I can't tell you but it was a while ago it was a while ago what were you doing here last time I don't remember I don't know was it successful was it pairing on the show successful if I was on it it probably got canceled was it the one where you're a bartender maybe maybe it was Abby's also canceled yeah canceled though how many did you do I think we did one season that's canceled okay yeah because people say to me like uh oh your show was canceled no was it your show 110 episodes like the only shows that haven't been canceled are 60 minutes in
Starting point is 00:03:24 the Simpsons yes and I guess anything else that's on tv yes um and Jillian you were here uh talking about idiot sitter last time you're here yeah that was probably like 2017 or something yeah that was in our old place upstairs that was that was back in the old world yeah and uh we of course know you both as wonderful performers uh Natalie you're a director in your own right uh and just directed two movies last year I believe yeah amazing movies thank you incredible how I mean how did you say like okay I'll take I'll take six months to direct this one and six months to direct this one or how did how'd you break that up no they both happened at the same time kind of uh you drew oh really so it was like the first take was for this movie yes it's like a Scorsese one for me
Starting point is 00:04:08 one for them kind of thing I was I had this sort of like a like a like a you know you know those thick poster boards that they use for science fairs oh yes I know I had someone cut that up to in the shape of my profile and then I had it right in the middle of my face right and then on one side on my left side I was doing one movie and then on my right side I was doing another oh okay it's the most efficient way to direct like two-faced or like those uh those pictures you see of the guy who's a groom on one side and a bride on the other exactly uh yeah yeah it's it's I mean if you really want to be prolific it's what you have to do you have to these days especially with uh screens getting smaller paychecks getting smaller everything's getting smaller except the
Starting point is 00:04:47 talent and you two are two of the most talented uh out there right now uh Jillian of course uh we know you my wife and I watched uh Brittany runs a marathon during the pandemic really lifted our spirits great movie I would suggest everyone to go out there and watch that did you take up running uh no oh oh so I guess I didn't inspire you I guess my spirits not my actual body I was like yeah good for her um and now you've you've come together I did did you know each other before we did we did we did a little bit of kind of bad sketch comedy like like is there any other kind ten years ago it was for it was for a charity event and we were just like I really like you and then we're like let's never see each other except for once in a while at a
Starting point is 00:05:38 random industry party and we go oh it's you yeah and then and then that was it until we made this movie wow what was the charity that you were did they solve whatever problem it was because here's was it was it like an american cancer society or was it one specific person's cancer bill I think it might have been that the second one yes yeah I can't remember a particular person who had cancer had a huge medical bill and you guys came together to pay those bills I if we want to feel altruistic about it yes I think that was it it was definitely for cancer I just don't know which direction to win I don't know if it got spread among everyone I know that this person is okay the person's fine the person's good the person's great well the person's an asshole but what time
Starting point is 00:06:19 was it a Harvey Weinstein no no no he's not that much of an asshole he's fine he's like halfway to Harvey he exists we saved his life we saved him but the power sketch I'm being very mean right now you're being facetious you're negging this person I mean I wish him well I don't like him but I wish him well interesting why did did you not like him at the time I was fine with him at the time but since then you're no longer fine I've been like oh should have killed you no I'm just kidding I'm just kidding was that doodoo I wish everyone had to see Jillian's face I'm kidding I'm kidding it wouldn't be wider to this person if they're listening I don't wish you were dead I'm joking I don't like you but I don't I don't wish you were dead I'm happy I hope the internet sleuths out there
Starting point is 00:06:58 are not figuring out who this person is but you don't care who isn't there I'm not gonna say oh you do care no I don't want his name to be tarnished by me on the really we're coming for you know plenty of people in this town know he's an asshole so it wouldn't be hard to sleuth out all right I cannot wait for the break when I find out who this man is you I don't think you know him oh okay yeah why because I'm so unpopular I don't know anyone he's kind of a nobody I'm just trying to impress Jillian I feel my hands they're sweating so hard and it's freezing in here I again in being mean I did not mean that he's not a nobody he's a person okay he's a very you're you're asking out to impress Jillian because Jillian's very cool
Starting point is 00:07:42 because Jillian's the sweetest person and I I like being an asshole in front of her because I like shocked me I'm being I'm being very mean right now I will say this person was you know emotionally and verbally abusive to almost everyone he knew so I do I do feel a little entitled and not liking him sure if you could take back doing that benefit would you if you could go back and not do the terrible sketch comedy thing no I would have done it you would have done it at Jillian and there was other really nice people that did that and and and I you know I'm glad we raised money for either him or cancer in general yeah yeah although you wish it was cancer in general we probably raised like $20 it was like a local LA it was like us dancing around to like Blink 182 so well I wish
Starting point is 00:08:28 it was Blink 182 I love Blink 182 but it was like we did some sketch about playing video games I feel like of course because it was written by men yes the whole show was written by men oh wait so a bunch of men wrote some sketches and then made you do them yes they're all about stuff you would never do like playing video games what else is the new I mean literally I would be like here's an idea I wrote and they're like go fuck yourself you're the lead in period party the sketch I literally have that on my IMDB and I don't know how to get it off and then contest it and then like four years later I was writing on SNL and I was like this is pretty cool and they were like I guess SNL sucks these days they're like it sucks yeah you suck I was like okay anyway we wish everyone well everyone's we
Starting point is 00:09:11 wish everyone well we really came off as monsters at this podcast because we're so over Jillian can attest that I'm a I think I'm a nice oh she's a lovely person that's why this is wild this interview I mean you came out swinging I mean it's I just feel particularly strongly that I don't like this person I just don't know how you're how both of us are not somehow getting canceled I love that this is pressed for your movie too we're talking about this random person it's like a heartfelt I know I know I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry you are you are two of the nicest from what I have heard not from this not from the last 10 minutes but yeah who's gonna think that now it's all me I know we really dug that grave CBB listeners you've heard me before I've been fine yeah I've been nice on
Starting point is 00:09:58 this show you've been on one am I not allowed to not like a person who's exactly who's a misogynist I don't like half the people who come into this and do this show do you like us I like you too I don't think I'm gonna like the next two great is it because we were assholes today yeah I love it um speaking of assholes I'm totally fine features a cast of people who own assholes tell me about the movie it's I I must confess things in my life have gone upside down and pear-shaped and I've not seen the movie but I have seen the trailer I'll tell you that much and which we can all agree is kind of like seeing the movie yeah it's basically the movie yeah right I mean it doesn't give you the end no that's why you buy the movie yeah exactly like cuts off right before
Starting point is 00:10:43 like the end stuff look trailers are known to do that yeah and it's a shitty thing although I have seen a trailer recently that the very last line of the movie is in the trailer I'm just like was it the movie doubt uh doubt the the one about the catholic priest yeah with barrel street she just goes I have doubt the last line of the movie and the last line of the trailer I laughed so hard I don't know if it's very funny the trailer but it it did make me laugh that the last line of the movie was just like I have doubt like it'd be like I'm for his go and that was the credit is the last line of your movie I'm totally fine I don't think I'm finally totally fine we don't ever say it in the no we don't ever say we never say the title of the movie why is it called
Starting point is 00:11:24 that then you'll see you gotta see the movie yeah you gotta see it oh you're so good at selling it I know so this is some sort of mystery why it's called I'm totally fine I mean are the words I'm and totally and fine in there probably yeah probably there someone could you know smash cut them together I'm totally fine it's probably like that I'm totally fine yeah do you want us to tell you what this movie is about I'm debating you're not sure because I saw the trailers I know right right it's not like you were asking it sounds like a waste of my time yeah but go ahead please okay hi everyone it's a jillian bell the the nice the nice one I took over the good old meanie jillian bell um okay so I play a woman who is grieving the loss of her best friend who passed away
Starting point is 00:12:11 and did she pass away recently it seemed like in the in the trailer yes yes yes and I go do an air bnb to just get away from it all but I can't get away from it all because I wake up in the morning and there in the kitchen is my dead best friend played by Natalie Morales the good one uh and she's making me pancakes and she's also claiming that she's not my dead best friend she has taken the body of my dead best friend and she's in fact an alien go see it now there we go and now now has she taken the body like she's exhumed the body I don't know I don't think so you don't think the body is still in the ground right I just copied it yeah that's what it felt like it didn't feel like a dead like I'm like you weren't like man walking you don't have like pale skin roaming
Starting point is 00:12:56 around a grave right are you like a a shapeshifter are you a scroll I think it's that kind of thing where I have the technology to take the the body of of and technically you could shapeshift in anything then I don't know like a building sure a building yeah I I do know that the alien has everything is exactly the same except for the coccyx bone oh interesting yeah so I don't know what the deal is with that but I always picture someone asked me in an interview today what the alien looks like when it doesn't look like Jennifer and I always pictured it like a like a blob like a just a blob with one bone in it just one I just won like which one the important one like a femur like bone just no not a spine just one hard bone my bone that's so cute I think sure
Starting point is 00:13:42 it is like a not human almost like ghost writer like flaming bony yeah yeah like muscly yeah that's really funny is it do you ever see the actual craft that the alien comes down in no so or do you yeah or perhaps you're able to travel interdimensional or not interdimensionally but through outer space just with your body because you're just some sort of amorphous spot really people pick me up and drop me off okay be back here at 330 and then if my parents drop me off and then they pick me up and I'm sure that the reason that you come down and do this is is is talked about in the movie or yes it would be very confusing yeah it's for a reason I think it's in the trailer that you're
Starting point is 00:14:31 conducting ish it's ish in the trailer right yeah we can say that yeah some tests yeah sure it does that intrigue you just want to make you want to buy it soil tests yes yeah soil tests intrigue that sounds like a good movie so uh but really it's a movie about the relationship between the two of you and and jillie I guess it's the the relationship between not only this being that you're now with but also your relationship with your ex best friend and how you're dealing with it yeah this is my guess it is no you're good you've watched the movie I mean I were writing the movie that's what I would do but I don't know what who wrote this alicia keytree I thought you can say alicia keys alicia keys she's like some people want it all
Starting point is 00:15:21 and here's a script an alien film what was that that was a song or at least a key song your listeners will know it it's very hard to sing she can't even do it to be honest it's so crazy it wasn't for me if you heard that no you were great at it thank you should we have a singing competition record I think you should yeah like should we pick a baseline you took yourself out of it something at you yeah oh wait you and me yeah all the three of us yeah all the three of us sure yeah what's a what's a line for a song we all know okay um let's see what about I can't get no satisfaction but you have to do it exactly like mick like mick god he's one of the world's greatest frontman I don't know that okay
Starting point is 00:16:10 I mean it's really it's more shouting than singing but yeah well he does it a few times sometimes it's soft how about something from the greatest love of all Whitney oh okay okay I believe that's a real challenge are the future okay great okay about that all right so which part though just that part that he just said that part that part I believe the children of the future okay okay who goes first uh who has the bravery to go first Jillian suggested as yeah okay I don't know if I can I believe the children of future I like it teach them well and let them lead the way wow thank you I love it okay Natalie oh god okay I'm gonna hold grip the mic yeah yeah look at you all right everyone look away over at your eyes I think it makes it worse
Starting point is 00:17:01 it does make it worse look at you look at me I don't want to hear me okay there's so much pressure I know so many bits right now just go now I believe the children of the future wow you ran out of breath three times in one sentence wow I think I know who the winner is okay wait you're up you're up buddy I got lightheaded I believe the children of the future teach them well and let them lead the way wow oh my god there's so many different singers in that tradition there is Michael McDonald in there yeah a little bit yeah rumor I believe the children of the future yeah um all right I don't want to
Starting point is 00:18:00 I don't want to we should vote for who won each of us vote and you can vote for yourself you can or can't oh you can't I mean I'm gonna vote for myself yeah I'm gonna vote for myself it's just me wait time well equally good singers it turns out I agree from the voters I agree yes the people's choice um how do people get this film I'm totally fine you you were saying Natalie you said something really interesting to me before the show you said it's in select theaters and I was like I got to file that away and talk about that on the show yeah it's which means it's not in all the theaters it's just in select it's not in every one no okay so they went around the the film company I'm
Starting point is 00:18:40 presuming and they select the distributors they went around said they were picky this one not that one this one right right it's interesting the markets that you know they felt deserved it interesting wow you learned so much about the business on this show yeah and then you can also see it like you know on demand if you know how to do that upon request is what I like to say because I think on demand is I don't know any if anyone knows how to do on demand it implies just very pushyness you know I think it means um that you have cable still and I do yeah you have cable still and then you can also you know like rent it or buy it on I is iTunes still thing or is it I'm iTunes and Apple and Amazon and then Amazon I believe you can also rent stuff and yeah you can
Starting point is 00:19:19 also like go fuck yourself yeah you want it yourself uh you can do a singing contest you know with us yeah you put your hand in the fire and every hundredth person who watches this movie you've guaranteed you'll do a singing contest with is that right yes okay great and you'll come to their house I was they have to show us proof that they were the you know the hundred two hundred yeah we had three we still haven't figured out how they're gonna be able to prove that yeah because it doesn't come up like when I rent something on Apple movies it's not like you're the one million three hundred and sixty eight thousand right wouldn't be cool though it's not like a DJ answers the phone and goes and you're number 68 you know yeah yeah like when
Starting point is 00:19:58 you call one more and you got something yeah yeah yeah 69 is the real winner yeah colors 69 wins a bear ticket Steve Michael McDonald so uh and how much how much should we talk and like uh you know what's a movie ticket cost these days I think it's only like what would buy inflation to buy this on like on Apple or or uh what's the Amazon it's like 14 dollars which is cheaper than a movie ticket and you get to watch it in your own home and you can invite people over and you get yeah it's one to amortize the cost you could you can charge people to come over to your house oh that's paper view fights you can make sure they don't bring concessions and then you could sell them concessions true like the leftover Halloween candy which everyone has exactly this is like a
Starting point is 00:20:46 money-making enterprise here yeah and and it's right here I'm totally fine is out there trying to help you guys to do it yeah this is for you listen if at this point if we haven't sold you based on all we've been telling you about the film and Natalie's rant being an asshole I can rant against the misogynist you're right you can't you can't do that what did they what did what did he how what did he do you're so curious I love I need to know I'm I'm edging up on a break I don't know if edging is the right word using this situation but I'm he's edging well okay I I won't edge you any longer okay um I will tell you I we were friends we were friendly right okay and then a few years ago I posted something about Diga this is this is real talk serious talk on CBB right
Starting point is 00:21:33 okay serious talk on CBB I'm not being everyone gets serious facetious um do you know about you know equal payday how women get paid less than men and like I think equal payday for white women I think is in April meaning they they have to a woman on average has to work a full year and then into April to make the same amount of money that a man makes in one year right so it's about 75% correct right and then and then um I think for Asian women it's till like mid you know till May and then for black women it's till June for Latina women it's in November whoa of the following year of of yeah of the following year so they have to work a full year into November and I was I posted something on Instagram about Latina equal payday just
Starting point is 00:22:16 informational graphics about that and he replied um it makes you look bad that you're complaining about money and I went what I mean and he went yet you're complaining about money I'm just letting you know it's making you look bad and I was like I'm not complaining about money I'm informing people about uh this uh and and also like how to vote to change that and equality and whatever and he's like yeah but you make more money than I do and you're complaining about money and that's what it looks like and I was like first of all you don't know how much money I make second of all uh I'm not going to reply to you I'm just going to keep sending you articles about this until you say you're sorry and I sent him about 30 articles and he kept telling me how I was wrong and then
Starting point is 00:23:03 I just blocked him and stopped talking to him well I mean is that grounds to just not like this person okay that's grounds and and to be honest you had to direct two movies just to make the money of one movie I didn't even make the money of one movie yeah exactly so this is part of the problem you know and I you know have directed no movies since the last movie I've seen your house you make way more money than me so how'd you see my house I went to a party at your house once we've all been to your wedding we've been to your house you have great wallpaper oh thank you so much uh that's the one thing that we splurged on it's fantastic um well I think that's a that's a fantastic story I'm glad it pleased you does it remain in the episode I'm not sure wait a minute
Starting point is 00:23:46 wait you can't just put the beginning of that not have that part that part that part makes up for everything does it okay great okay you think that humanizes Natalie yeah I need that yeah I need to be humanized Natalie is the absolute best I think that's why do you guys hang out now since the movie yeah yeah so like your your buddies now we're buddies I mean we've always been buds but it like it took doing a film to make us be like can we actually make this a real friendship right not to be like awkward to hang out like it would have felt like a first date otherwise now we're like we did a film together now we're friends otherwise it was like I've met that person once let's hang out you know I know sometimes you're in a movie with someone
Starting point is 00:24:30 and you're like god I cannot stand this oh all the time oh yeah yeah yeah yeah so we were so enthusiastic oh yeah all the time every movie I've ever done picture every person yeah but this is a I mean look at the chemistry between you two there's I mean you guys you can hear it I can see it I wish this were being filmed so people could see it too but people can see it if they rent or go to I'm totally fine which is in select theaters right now you can also rent it you can get it upon request from your favorite video retailer guys we need to take a break if that's okay but can you stick around we're talking to a youtube reviewer and a writer sure I'll stick around I don't know coming up I guess I guess okay we're gonna come right back
Starting point is 00:25:25 this is exciting we have the stars are back on CBB we have Natalie Morales and Julie and Bell we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this comedy bang bang we're back Natalie Morales Julie and Bell I'm totally fine is it look I know you had a great weekend I know you're out there uh partying your dang ass is off but now it's the weekdays you can go out there to the theater the crowds are gone you can go check out I'm totally fine also you know you can just chill at home and make your tv do all the work you know like why run around just trying to go to this movie like make your tv run around and and and get it for you you know you know what I'm saying yeah we
Starting point is 00:26:07 all know that's what that's what a tv is meant to do yeah your tv goes and collects all the things you watch right at night when you sleep yeah I mean our phones listen to us so yeah they do right because like like one day I said you know like hey there's a shark over there and then I got a tweet about the movie Jaws what crazy story right if it were true it's wild I wish it was true I wish it was oh god I wish well guys uh I'm totally fine is out there and uh we're gonna talk to some other people here I don't have high hopes for it though I I do I talk to any of the other people yeah I mean they're not in show business which is like yeah well I waste your time yeah although this this technically a writer kind of is in show business and I guess a youtube
Starting point is 00:26:54 reviewer I you gotta accept youtube as the business now I think yeah that's true yeah well let's talk to the youtube reviewer uh I don't know what he reviews or or where he is on youtube but I'll tell you his username cj the man cj no cj te the man 9888 underscore unlimited welcome to the show hello friends and buddies welcome thank you for having me here to talk to you hi what did I get that right cj te the man 98888 underscore unlimited yeah but you can just call me cj cj is that your actual name the man 9888 underscore unlimited oh that's the whole thing yeah the whole thing yeah you can call me that thank you okay uh could I call you anything shorter than that could I call you cj could I call want to call you the man uh we can cut it off before the unlimited but I'd appreciate if you
Starting point is 00:27:52 kept the underscore otherwise you know a little competition a little confusion in the marketplace is there another cj te the man 98888 no but there might be there might be yeah why how did you come across that that username oh man it's it's like an old inside joke I don't know what kind of inside joke has the numbers 98888 well it's a couple different jokes blended into one yeah yeah so what's the cj part of the joke well I was joking about having cte and the joke was like oh it's so bad that I forgot what it's called so I added a j and I don't know that I know what any of that is cte is the uh it's uh you ever see that will smith movie tell the truth tell the truth tell the truth where he was like all about football players getting hit in the head he was in that movie he was upset
Starting point is 00:28:41 about people getting hit and then he goes and does the slap her around the world well that's range you know that's range as an actor you know please is it okay if I call you undy like really underscore the underscore oh I like that yeah no that's cool what's the rest of the joke can we talk about the rest of the joke I said it's a couple different jokes yeah you're not all connected right so you don't do this podcast until one joke and then go that's the joke sometimes it is like that unfortunately yeah but so cj t cj te that's one joke right then it's like funny it's like oh what if I my brain didn't work and I said the thing that made my brain not work wrong right and then the man is there a part of that is that is that yeah it's like an old inside joke of like my friends calling me that
Starting point is 00:29:20 is it spelled tha like no oh that's man fuck I should have done that you could register it right now no they don't they're they're weirdly difficult about this stuff about changing your name yeah it's not like you know the government and shit where you can just like go to a place and be like well you have to pay a fee to do it for the privilege sure yeah but like YouTube I you know maybe they don't even let you take give the money or take the money or you know yeah I'm not interested in this part of the conversation anymore anyway they call me the man because because they thought that was funny to call you the man yeah because like at the time I was like younger boy yeah right so I was like a boy or like a teen or something uh 20 okay so you're a man now yeah okay now I guess
Starting point is 00:30:07 it's like less funny but it's more throwback to when there was a joke right okay because it's like I just want to remember where I came from you know like it's like important to me that I don't lose sight of where I came from do you forget sometimes I do a lot yeah that's why they make the joke about me having cte and then I make the joke about it cjte and then that's like the thing I'm trying to remember is that my friends used to call me the man when I was a boy so you you have you're a forgetful person yeah I forgot to breathe can you sing I believe the children are a future yeah sure I believe give me the rest of the line the children the children are our future I believe the children I believe the children are our future good have you ever heard that song or maybe you
Starting point is 00:30:52 don't remember yeah I'm not sure I couldn't say for sure or or he just forgot yeah well that's the next part of the joke is the nine nine eight eight eight yeah it's like uh oh I like I can't remember what year I was born so it's like what was it like 1988 but I forgot the one there's three but also you're 20 it was the wrong year so it's like 2002 yeah I know it's like really funny that my friends like won't let me live it down that I not only forgot what year I was born in but I forgot the way that years are structured right so it's kind of like a dull it's like a double fuck up you know yeah yeah and undy when you say friends thank you undy is is fitting well uh mostly like my dad okay yeah your dad your dad and your mom are your friends yeah I got my bros you know who are your
Starting point is 00:31:41 I mean my brothers oh your brothers your your actual yeah jack and tom jack and tom yeah and what's your actual name uh CJT oh you you changed your actual name yeah pay the money talked about the government he went through the whole process yeah it's easier to do than on youtube yeah um so what do you review on youtube I mean a great question yeah so you know like critics critics are like the first thing that anyone without critics are like you know people who like tell you like this is good or this is not good right okay so let it be said comedy bang bang stipulates we know what got you got you I didn't know if this show is like for the critics or the fans or whatever but like critics we do one for us one for them yeah it's cool face down the middle oh like Natalie Morales
Starting point is 00:32:21 making the movie I get it yeah it's like the first half of the the episode when I was talking to these two that was for them oh yeah okay yeah this half is for critics sorry though I was gonna explain this um oh sure critics like they used to like write the thing they were saying like you know I'm like they'd like watch a reader like do a thing and then they'd write and tell you like no go or like go ahead yeah they would it would be in print form right but that's like not really how it works anymore now people like critics do youtube you know so like that's pretty much so you're talking to camera you don't have to write it down anymore you're just going off the top of your head no no no I review youtube oh in general like the whole site yeah I haven't checked it out yet
Starting point is 00:33:07 but I'm really excited because I've heard good things so I thought this was like a good place to sort of you haven't checked out youtube no but I everyone keeps on telling me that this sounds like fucking crazy and I was like someone should review this like if this is as good as people say then someone needs to tell people to check it out and if it isn't as good as people say then someone needs to step up and tell them it actually ain't that hot yeah so have you done a review yet no that's once again I'm coming here to review youtube for the first time oh you're reviewing youtube on here with us I mean yeah I was trying not reviewing youtube on youtube reviewing youtube on CBB I see so you're a comedy bang bang reviewer of youtube yes well I'm getting
Starting point is 00:33:45 a little confused here what do you mean review on youtube I thought you were saying that you were reviewing youtube on youtube do you know what youtube is no I'm trying to go in cold I'm like okay but you know what it sounds good today you're gonna watch it sounds great do you know what something you watch let's not I mean that's already a little more than I want to know you know is that okay when are you gonna start where you put the last line in the trailer you've seen trailer okay you've seen trailer where do you watch trailers theaters what do you mean oh movie so are you gonna look up something on youtube right now do I download the app okay so that's all I know search bar and you can type in almost anything well don't
Starting point is 00:34:31 my whole thing here is I want to do this don't tell me what do you want to do it right now do you want to do it on air you're like spoiling for me are you asked what it was I was telling you relax I was asked look why are you across the table right in Natalie's face this is a big moment for me I want this to lean back lean back sir this is all because I could only review youtube one time and then after that I've my opinion is fixed you know what I'm saying oh wait you're a review you're you're gonna be a youtube reviewer who does one review I don't know is there another youtube to review there are there's so many videos I think it's gonna take it to review youtube don't spoil that he doesn't know there are videos sorry to review youtube it's gonna take you your whole life is the
Starting point is 00:35:12 thing right yeah to review all of youtube yeah wait is it that big it's pretty big yeah yeah I mean let's let's load this baby up then yeah do you want to take me that long we should start right now because I don't know if you got a heart out or something yeah no I yeah we have a heart out on this interview in about three minutes okay wow okay so I got so okay hey this is uh hey friends and buddies this is CJTE the man 988 underscore uh today uh also known as undy and today we're gonna be reviewing unlimited underscore undy unlimited extra eight so today we're gonna be reviewing youtube which you know some people are telling me is really really great and some people are saying is it that great and I don't know I haven't been able to answer yet
Starting point is 00:35:57 because I haven't done it so I'm gonna try this right now so right now I'm just looking at my phone and there's like a little box CJTE I don't know that you're gonna be able to record yourself while you watch youtube on the actual phone that you're watching it on well no you're recording me this is the thing right oh I see okay this is for a comedy bank you're not recording this on your phone no I'm looking to like maybe you know get like a new position okay got it okay so like there's a little box and it's really it's kind of interesting because it's like a little white box and there's an arrow inside another box inside that box so it's like a white box and there's a red box and inside the red box is like a little is a little white air so it's like it's pretty cool and there's
Starting point is 00:36:32 something like this before and are you just are you just reviewing the icon the logo well I have taken one step at a time so now I'm looking here and wow this is this is wow actually it says so it says youtube on the top and then we got you know our old friend the little arrow inside the box and then there's some other buttons here and it's pretty wild I haven't actually seen something like this before yeah not a lot's coming you need to be on our wi-fi I feel like in order for something to come up in this room okay yeah no do you know how to get on wi-fi do you know what wi-fi is yeah of course I know what wi-fi is yeah I used to watch hulu so this is like we're here okay so youtube is a little like hulu I have to say well don't tell
Starting point is 00:37:12 me sorry sorry I know it knows boilers uh so is handmade sale on here what's on it is handmade sale on youtube I'm sure some version I bet yeah I bet there's some rips recording some trailers that's their thing man are you a lawyer no maybe I should be if no one thought about that before that's like if I were hulu I'd be like don't don't it's youtube I have to say is so sprawling it's very hard to control you know you can you can put up season to assist I mean you're saying it's sprawling but right now I got blank screen I'm seeing nothing you need to be on the wi-fi wow there really is nothing there's not I'm it's really kind of because right now I'm like questioning because when people tell me this is good I'm like looking at it now and there's like nothing
Starting point is 00:37:52 on here it's because you can't get a signal okay well so then I got to bring that into the review here's the thing people say youtube is great but I gotta call out I gotta be a little critical here the signal doesn't work and so that for me is a problem I'm gonna hold that against youtube so if you're trying to use youtube definitely work on that signal okay yeah I worry that unless you get on our wi-fi you're there's gonna be nothing and no content there's a trending button at the bottom it's got a little fire and I press on it it says error loading tap to retry now I don't think this is a great interface like if I'm comparing this against the other apps that I've done I don't love this um but there's another thing here that says subscriptions I don't know maybe like a magazine
Starting point is 00:38:34 or something but this also says error loading tap to retry so so far definitely I find youtube a little repetitive because they're kind of hitting the same beat a couple times and now there's another button it says library it looks like you know honestly it kind of looks like the subscriptions button where it's like pages with different arrows on them man this site's crazy for arrows but so I'm pressing the library button and man error load and tap to retry don't you hate when that happens yeah Scott is this the kind of correspondent you were looking for for the show I'm not I'm not sure this is going to be a regular feature on the show semi regular irregular maybe okay yeah that's cool man I see why they call you the king of jokes um okay so up here there's also like a
Starting point is 00:39:16 magnifying glass which is pretty wild because it feels like Sherlock Holmes yeah right like I love that guy he's crazy he fucking boxes and shit and it's like if youtube had some of that I would love that a lot of boxing oh fucking man cool but but is it like Sherlock boxing because I like that he boxes but he's also smart and it's like you hear his monologue as he's doing yeah he's good at boxing because he's his fists are tough and shit but also it's because he thinks so fucking fast that he's like punching them with his mind you know what I'm saying yeah anyway I feel like you're probably five stars really thank you man that means a lot to me why why did your family suggest youtube to you as something that that you would enjoy they were just like I don't know man shut
Starting point is 00:39:59 up just watch youtube or something and I was like huh interesting you so you you live at home yeah yeah and you yeah big time yeah you you don't have a job it seems like well I mean you're hoping this will be a job yeah I'm not gonna what are you saying I mean I don't know that I'm gonna be paying you necessarily to do this well not you like the company or whatever right I mean I am the company that's you're the company yeah oh man that rules how do you do that uh I because I've been thinking like I should do that like when I look at companies I'm like that fuck that's the thing I should be doing and that's honestly if I'm being honest with you that's sort of like the whole thought with the youtube reviewing thing yeah is being like no one's doing this I can do this and then that's
Starting point is 00:40:45 a company I guarantee no one else is reviewing youtube that's what I'm saying as a platform yeah I think there are a lot of people reviewing certain videos but no one's route I've not heard of a single person who's who's going on podcasts to review all of right you bring up some salient points I mean there are a lot of arrows on this thing and no one talks about that like because ever all of my friends are commenting this to me they were never like watch out for arrows yeah no yeah that's true if I were recommending youtube to someone I'd be like don't let the fact that there are three arrows in this thing confuse you I know some of them are red and some of them are just like outlined yeah excited by the little fire yeah the fire was cool
Starting point is 00:41:24 let's go back to that so like here's because it says what it says it says trending right yeah and like that sounds cool like these are not going to be lame uh you know whatever it is I still can't see what it is because we it's the error loading tap to retry got me honest at this point youtube feels a little like an escape room like I haven't solved the puzzle of how to get out of this error loading I feel like I'm on the wi-fi here so I okay if you okay oh the first thing that pops up is there's some some women skating roller skating it says it says new looks still youtube we've refreshed our vibe and it looks even better in dark theme try it out now this is the first thing you've ever seen on youtube tough for me because I really don't have a frame of reference well here's
Starting point is 00:42:07 the problem yeah like normally you go on youtube and you see a video of something you're interested in sure the very first thing you have ever seen on youtube is this confusing thing of two women skating and it says new looks still yeah it's very confusing and also I'm getting a little worried I might have missed like my window of opportunity because I'm like if this is a new look then like oh man I didn't even get around to getting the old yeah any of the older ones but okay I'm gonna set it to I'm gonna set it to dark all right yeah set theme oh my god even more instructions wow okay zoom in let go pinch to zoom in full screen then let go and watch the video in more detail I mean once again I don't really get what everyone's talking about here this so far does not seem very
Starting point is 00:42:49 fun yeah they're scooting towards each other they've gone off and they're writing now they're having the desk now they're having a conversation with notes this is not see this is the thing yeah I'm so sorry to interrupt we both wrote on the table that we love you yes not you but it's not you like you not you on either way who's the you in question whoever reads it next yeah so oh okay we both put that yeah that's pretty cool I'm so sorry yeah you did you did bore me a bit okay well it is boring yeah but maybe that's the point here is like people say youtube is exciting but honestly I find it kind of boring it's telling me a lot of shit to do like a class and I was told this was gonna be fun hey in the immortal words of Jay Leno here's something oh man I love him
Starting point is 00:43:33 the best fucking cars in the world first first thing that pops up for me yeah wet leg oh full performance oh I love wet leg live on k it's a great band you would love them you'd probably like them unless uh you don't like music is it a song called wet dream that's my favorite song no it's a song called live performance live on k exp k exp 196 k views one month ago oh I love that song but here's the thing if you if you were to press on that uh-huh then this band wet leg yeah uh if they you would see I think a full three camera in the the the style pioneered by lucille ball and desi arnez okay um you'd see desi three camera shoot uh the desi lu company do you know that jay enter hoover fucking loved that shit what jager hoover like called in himself to i love
Starting point is 00:44:26 how do you know yeah I watch the documentary being the rickardos and at the end jager hoover is like I like lucy and that's why they called the show well that's why though because the public was like if he loves it because everyone thought he liked fucking kami and then he called in and he was like I like her and the public was like maybe we love CJ TE that was a hulu movie yeah yeah CJ TE uh the man 9888 I underscore sorry thank you um underscore what's after that you said I could stop at the underscore unlimited yeah look andy yeah you know you seem to know uh uh a little I mean you you know a lot about uh you've seen a lot of movies I love movies man man man I wish I could review those on youtube what wait what do you mean review like youtube anyone can put a video of
Starting point is 00:45:14 themselves doing anything up on youtube and you know when you were saying like this many views that's how many people watched this particular thing that that is on youtube one month of people watch that watch that many things yeah that many views fuck you should just drew I mean what's the last movie you saw uh what last movie I saw not yet okay do you see barbarians yeah okay okay talk about barbarian what'd you think about barbarian not the very end no don't no but I think this is one of those movies where what's really cool is that you have no idea what's gonna happen so I should tell people this could be your hook by the way you're the guy who talks about the ends of movies yeah so this is the thing this move you never see it coming right the spoiler reviewer yes
Starting point is 00:46:02 okay yeah so talk about the end of barbarian it's so fucked up it's like oh man like I was sitting there and I was like bleep all of this no like you can't do that and it wasn't even just the end it's like the last like out you can't it keeps on showing you all right I stopped filming so I know that we're talking it's like I stopped filming you this is not gonna be good so I should you should you should just spend more time with your parents yeah they are they independently wealthy yeah but they're like go do the youtube like they're really trying to push they're really pushing it yeah well do you know what uh be alone in your room do some more research fuck man that's interesting yeah just hang out in your room by yourself yeah I should hang in my room by myself and do my own
Starting point is 00:46:49 research yeah do your own research yeah exactly yeah because I hate people telling me shit and I'm like I can fucking do my own research turn on your lonely guy alone in a bedroom with the internet turn on youtube yeah type in the word vaccines do your own research fuck because I think those things are weird and no one talks about this okay no no I'm not like but it's like what in my arm I think this is better for you than being a reviewer on this show yeah I think I haven't heard one I would rather create an incel than have you review things on my show anymore so uh I think this is good for you okay cool cool cool all right good well I'll stick around oh I was not gonna ask I was actually gonna ask you to leave but you you can't stick around yeah I can thank you man
Starting point is 00:47:33 well we have a writer coming up oh don't know what they write I thought about doing that okay we'll be right back uh we have more from Natalie Morales more from Jillian Bell we have more unfortunately from CJT the man 9888 underscore unlimited buddies better believe we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this comedy bang bang we're back uh we have Natalie Morales Jillian Bell the movie is I'm totally fine and uh what is the last line of the movie you say it's not I'm totally fine doubt style so what I don't think I can say what the last line of the movie is it goodbye alien I go ta-da-da that's how you say goodbye to an alien in in their language yes ta-da-da ta-da-da okay good to know I think you say is it yeah I guess it's a spoiler to say
Starting point is 00:48:22 the last spoiler yeah interesting man I want to hear what this last tell me tell me during the break watch the movie Aukerman all right you're watching at home when you're up at like 3 a.m not knowing what to do I mean to be fair have I watched four hours of bachelor in paradise this week yes I probably could have fitted in um we also have CJT the man 9888 unlimited buddies sorry underscore yeah thank you you could call me undy uh undy is here uh let's get to our next guest um they're a writer uh this is very exciting because uh I've uh picked up a typewriter or a word processing unit once or twice in my career so I'm interested to talk to them about the craft uh not the movie of course uh that's Scott hasn't named that movie's fucking crazy they're like what happened is they
Starting point is 00:49:09 like oh god there's like they they're so much all right I don't yeah I'm cutting you off all right let's uh please welcome them please welcome Piper a doggy hey Scott thanks so much for having me hey Piper so nice to meet you this is Jillian this is Natalie hi I'm honored truly honored to meet you guys this is a really special Julie honored is that what you said truly honored oh can I ask is your last name a doggy or are you a doggy no it's just my name and it's actually a pen name so it's not my real name it's my pen name and I've I was convinced to have a pen name because I feel like if if if your work is even remotely autobiographical you should probably have a pen name so people can't pin you for your oh I see okay so that's so your work is autobiographical yes very very very
Starting point is 00:49:51 very loosely autobiographical okay and we're keeping your real identity a secret so no one knows exactly who you're talking to unlike Natalie we're talking about this guy sure yeah no I think it's important to keep in I'm pretty sure the people who are listening to the show will pinpoint who this guy is within like the first five minutes the show is released yeah not my problem so uh Piper a doggy uh what what type of thing do you write I write really awesome holiday movie scripts holiday movie scripts oh I love holiday movies I heard one time that those sell better than other movies so those are all of mine are just right in that holiday movie genre awesome the holidays are coming do you guys watch holiday movies any particular do you mean only Christmas
Starting point is 00:50:33 would you say holiday or is it any holiday Christmas movies but I'm open to any holiday to be honest yes um but oh yeah yeah is it you primarily Christmas primarily Christmas but I I could I can definitely work on that if that's something that people need from their scripts I can probably change it up a little bit are you getting nervous no I'm not nervous this is not a criticism we're just we're just asking questions super super super excited and honored because I know you have a big reach and so I'm hoping to maybe you know kiss someone to sort of you know get have an interest in one of the scripts in that picture you don't have to be nervous I can hear the quavering in your voice I got a question uh did you ever try writing valentine's day
Starting point is 00:51:11 that's a movie already I know but it's like it'd be smart to write it because that movie fucking rips and you watch it and you're like what do you like about valentine's movie yeah ash and kuzer you know I'm saying like you should write that again because it fucking worked less valentine's day reboot yeah for sure I mean I just I just try to keep I just try to write things that I know if that makes sense yeah what do you not know valentine's day I don't I had much experience with like a valentine per se exactly but um but I do like the day you know I like chocolate and flowers and all that stuff well you you know you're not allowed to eat uh chocolate or smell flowers if they haven't been given to you that's true it's bad luck oh boy I wonder if that has
Starting point is 00:51:51 something to do with it then tell tell us about the scripts you have written though okay so I've got a couple that I would love to to just throw out there and if someone's interested and you know you can these are all unsold these are unsold as of this moment but I know there's gonna be a lot of interest so as of uh us recording this as of us recording this but who knows by the time it airs he's gonna all be picked up and I can be in there hey Scott you should grab like a like an auction gavel or something because I think there might be a bidding war okay are you are you trying to get a catchphrase going yeah I felt like that segment really didn't work and I need to find a new role in the show if I'm gonna stick around okay so you're the guy pitching yeah catchphrases or maybe okay
Starting point is 00:52:30 good all right you felt it didn't work no well yeah kind of okay we'll talk about it during the break hey Piper if we like one of your movies can we attach to it oh my god I would be absolutely honored I can't even tell you how that much that would mean to me I could tell you about one of them right yeah please because either of you would be perfect for this role that's okay there's only one role you have to fight over well I've got a lot of scripts though so you guys could each do half of my script all right give us one that you think would be good for okay now there's a director too and and Julia I don't know if you have aspirations so maybe maybe Natalie could direct Jillian in the movie oh that'd be great this is perfect I'm gonna pitch you both right now okay here
Starting point is 00:53:09 we go well then there'd be a power imbalance between the two of you I don't know anyway go ahead okay so this is the title of this movie is the girl who hooked up with her high school crush on a holiday cruise wow I love it already thank you so much okay so I'm gonna tell you how it starts I started a girl who's not very popular in high school and um she's like not generally respected or supported by her peers really at all which is actually how most good movies start so she moves to Hollywood big time Hollywood California and she starts writing um scripts because she's gonna make it big and so she's having a really a ton of success lots of accolades and a lot of recognition in Hollywood California like the egot or yeah she's prepping for an egot she's prepping for oh yeah
Starting point is 00:53:50 we all are yeah in our own way so um so all of her trials and tribulations in high school really prepare for perfectly for the rejection she experiences in Hollywood so she's doing good she's earning confidence and um and then after a couple years she looks on Facebook and she sees her her high school crush Calvin Ward and he is going on a cruise during the holidays he mentions this he mentions this on Facebook uh-huh he's like hey if anyone else is going on a cruise he just says he's doing it so she books a ticket for the very same cruise can I ask a quick question though yeah since this is on a Facebook is she 60 or 70 like how old oh no she's 28 okay okay she's 28 years this is part of meta okay yeah yeah so she um no legs this problem and so she um so you
Starting point is 00:54:37 know about that yeah of course it's just not you too so she um so she packs like only her most glamorous but not too revealing one-piece bathing suits and she's on the cruise and she sees Calvin and he sees her and she pretends at first not to recognize him because she's angry at him but he recognizes her right away and he comes up to her and he says I always had a question you do the whole entire time and and she and then she says why were you so mean to me and he says because I was suffering verbal abuse from my father and wow and she and she takes him to the all you can eat lobster buffet dinner and she fixes all of his trauma and he proposes and they get married on the cruise yeah how long is the cruise four days I love it it's a ticking clock
Starting point is 00:55:22 I love it do you want to do it listen I need to okay you're 28 in it right yeah I get to be 28 in it yeah I'll be in it yeah yeah yeah I knew that would be a silly story yeah yeah she's trying to keep her roles young yeah you don't want to play the moms just yet uh I have and when I was pretty young I was like wow they're really uh seeing me in this role I was like 22 and I had a 18 year old going to college it's like being a milk porn star it's like well I don't know oh I see okay oh it's just like I'm a milk yeah okay it's just they look like they've had a heart you should review porn yeah yeah do you like porn yeah have you seen any no but I heard a lot of great things my role is just never seen it never seen it it's like it's your boys keep telling you
Starting point is 00:56:19 that's your brothers your actual yeah my bros and the shit they do it sounds so crazy no matter what you're into you'll be there there must be a porn reviewer out there right well don't say that too loudly because I think he just stepped up to the plate I didn't know don't give anyone else any ideas okay Piper this is a really interesting script what's it called again the girl hooked up with her high school crush on a holiday cruise yeah and this is you you said it's sort of auto by a graphical loosely loosely very loosely I was not connected to my life in any way at all yeah do you know someone name what was the Calvin uh oh Calvin word that's interesting do you know a Calvin word I so interesting now that you say that I did remember
Starting point is 00:57:02 someone with my name like that in high school what was it like or is it Calvin I think actually it was Calvin word that's wild that's wild I never thought about it I do this right up just now it's interesting it's interesting how they create a process how we think of names you know you just let it flow through you is what I've heard so yeah but what happened you just made it like a diarrhea miming motion right out the other I hate that yeah should we call Calvin yeah let's call Calvin let's uh do you what's Calvin maybe we can find him on Facebook I bet we could find one of those Facebook I've never seen him on Facebook but I'm sure I bet I'm sure okay wouldn't be surprised to maybe do yeah but you you're using a pseudonym so yeah yeah yeah he doesn't know who I am that's
Starting point is 00:57:42 right okay your first name is Piper that's my that's my pen name oh oh so the odd doggy is yeah I changed my whole name to Piper a doggy and do you recognize your voice from high school so I can't imagine why he would I found a Calvin word sounds like a lot of people I found a Calvin word from Piedmont is that where you're from oh boy yeah yeah okay yeah it looks like he has open uh relationship no he's not in an open relationship but he's uh too bad I'm sorry to hear that he's able to take phone calls it looks like from let's call it let's call yeah here we go all right it's ringing it's ringing uh hello hi Calvin Calvin word yeah uh hi who who's calling hi this is Scott Ackerman of comedy bang bang uh I see 110 episodes yeah great
Starting point is 00:58:40 sorry about the cancellation oh I mean it's more of a mutual decision that well anyway uh hey Calvin so nice to uh so nice that's not me panting by the way uh do you have a doggy in the studio a doggy who calls it a doggy I don't know like that little animal that pants no I know what a dog is but are you 12 I don't think it's weird for me to call it a doggy okay anyway but hi have I won something uh no other than the opportunity to talk to someone who you may remember from high school uh her pen name is Piper a doggy wait a second I'm sorry you stopped me and questioned me saying a doggy and now you're telling me that you do in fact have a doggy in the studio okay you mocked me okay look yes I'm a fan you're out really yes I I said I was sorry to hear about the cancellation
Starting point is 00:59:42 I mean that was seven years ago Calvin you're digressing there's a more important thing there's a there's a a woman who knows you from high school okay is there a woman in the studio or a doggy in the studio you have to be clear with your words that sounds crowded it's a tight fit it's a tight squeeze um any guess any guess any guess on the episode don't usually have like celebrities yeah we have and this is Natalie Morales oh hello yeah I thought you said guess oh hi yeah sorry my condolences on uh Abby an idiot sitter Abby oh thank you thank you thank you yeah you know when you're just meeting someone for the first time don't bring up their failed project I love I'm sorry that it had I wasn't rooting for the failure I wish we were
Starting point is 01:00:24 still living in an era I'm sorry I don't think I know a Calvin a doggy is there another name you your name your name is Calvin this is Piper you're calvin well then I definitely don't know what did you play football did you have a head injury yeah I got a little bit of CJT okay what did you say your name is I don't know my actual name but I do have a pen name is Piper and I just let you know that we went to high school together I would have said a question on you I mean there's no way you don't recognize that voice I don't know that's like a lot of people I went to high school with oh really huh well she is kind of a regional Piper is a very successful Hollywood I mean she lives in Hollywood California and I work at a coffee shop right now but I've got a lot of aspirations
Starting point is 01:01:15 she's on her way to Aniga and also she's she just sold me a movie yeah and I'm attached and I've got a lot more pitches that I can sell to you guys right now can you tell us another one sure I'd love to um the next script that I have is called a girl the girl who finally quit her breeze to job on Christmas yeah okay great I also have um the girl convinced her landlord to make her lease month to month oh on New Year's Eve okay I mean the rent would be due the next day well this girl she was not very popular in high school and she was sort of stuck into a multi-year really um just devastatingly how's those two facts really just a lack of confidence when signing a lease made you sign a bad lease yeah yeah actually well in the script what's really interesting is her landlord
Starting point is 01:02:02 ends up meeting her high school crush oh and what's his name Calvin Ward that's your name Calvin yeah yeah it is yeah Calvin were you were you popular in high school yeah very yeah yeah what how uh how are you so popular I was voted most likely to become a landlord oh are you a landlord these days I am yeah yeah how many properties do you own one okay how many tenants one oh I mean that's not nothing no it's not nothing do you live there as well uh no it's a little place I have in Hollywood oh did she just convince you to go month to month or has that not happened yet it's an ongoing conversation I guess it is only November hey Calvin congratulations on your property thank you thank you so you wait you you have a property in
Starting point is 01:02:47 Hollywood yeah yeah who's your tenant it's like a like a writer or something oh what's do you know her name uh she must be signing the checks all the time yeah Tiffany Blastard Tiffany Blastard is that your name Tiffany Tiffany Blastard that sounds like a popular girl named to me yeah I thought it was too but I somehow didn't work out for me yeah the Blastard the Blastard really ruined Tiffany Blastard is rough yeah Tiffany sounds like a hot girl but Blastard just screws the whole thing over yeah and you can't just change it just to Tiffany no there already was one yeah yeah well Tiffany so you you moved into Calvin's building I didn't know what it is when I moved in it was just chance this is like a movie yeah you should be a writer I am a writer I've been a writer for a long time
Starting point is 01:03:42 I've been a decade here in Hollywood trying to make it a decade that's too long yeah to to have no success yeah I know but I felt this year I am and I just stole the script alive in person she did she did Calvin what's your answer here we uh if you want if you want to go on a date we'll pay for it yeah oh really yeah fine and it makes the show what do you mean it makes the show what's that mean makes the show good no I'm saying like will that like will that get on the show you're on the show my man yeah yeah I'm just kind of looking for like a recurring segment or something so I feel like well you and uh CJ T the man hey where did where did CJ T the man hey hey unlimited this is absolutely one of the wildest things I've ever heard happen you just put your
Starting point is 01:04:26 phone back in your pocket CJ T yeah well I don't because YouTube ain't working for shit it's still just fucking arrows oh okay anyway go back to whatever you're doing I'm gonna review this yeah so like she this it's like so incredible she like writes right yeah but the shit she writes I can't deal with you I can't deal with you CJ this is why I'm saying I if this guy gets a segment why can't I have like a yeah uh well do you want to go on this date I mean I yeah I wouldn't I wouldn't mind it I'm not gonna have to be on a holiday no it's gonna be anytime I just I would request um that Calvin treat me better than he did in high school what do you say Calvin is that possible I would love to if possible sort of maybe tie this negotiation into the new lease
Starting point is 01:05:18 yeah what are some of the things I'm sorry what are some of the things he did do in high school so he knows what not to do yeah I mean there was a time when I was walking into hallway and had my butterfly clips in and he um he just poured milk all over my head and the butterfly clips are important they are because I remember it so well you know how you remember what you were wearing on really significant days yeah yeah I also stuffed my bra that day and it was shown and it was soaked right the stuff it was soaked with milk all of those butterfly clips that were probably okay yeah those were fine because those are plastic yeah if you stuff your bra with a lot of like toilet paper and then someone pours milk on you they yeah like you got a really soggy bra soggy bra you should buy some
Starting point is 01:05:53 of those like silicone cups kind of yeah I should have done that the milson porn porn use those all the mills all the mills use those and there are ponds I think where milk comes out of some of the he thinks yeah wait a minute from from what I like you how do you know my reporters watch that on this morning the porn review correspondence have told hey no spoilers man I don't want to fucking hear any of this until I watch it well listen there's no holidays between here and thanksgiving we discovered we discovered that earlier yeah we figured that out I was racking my brain for one so my birthday oh my birthday is November 14th oh do you want to go out on November 14th and it's a Monday there's not much going on I feel like you probably don't have anything yet
Starting point is 01:06:38 can I suggest a movie it's actually a sunday but oh I like this you can watch a movie on a day yeah oh you're right it's a Monday but I like I hate going out to the theaters I can watch the fuck up and just go on this fucking date Calvin you can watch it at home well that's the answer will this movie get get both of them horny no well but it depends on what gets you horny but it's dark grief get you horny milk mostly I would say milk great yeah oh wait so you were horny that day when you poured milk on her oh this is I knew it I knew it all along Tiffany you did have a crush on me it was out of love and desire okay I think I've been leasing my apartment to you for 10 years oh my god Tiffany you deserve whatever this is you do is that a slam or I don't know
Starting point is 01:07:26 it's the truth I mean none of us know what this crazy thing is right we're too deep in it we gotta ride it out I guess hey man you're in Hollywood why don't you get out here to the studio hang up the phone like how far away are you from the studio uh you see that big building with the with the big e yeah yeah the ear roll studios you know you know the office where they record uh uh freedom yeah that's right across the hall oh where you are yeah why are you in there I don't know I was trying to get boy well get in here okay get in here buddy okay so we're gonna oh god he's here hey hey okay Calvin Tiffany good just try have we made a love connection here he's very sweaty right now I don't know how you have so much sweat from just running across the
Starting point is 01:08:09 wall I saw an incline there's an incline in the hallway in the hallway why is there an incline I don't know man I didn't build this place yeah um all right so are you still into him having seen him here I don't know I remembered him looking a little fresher yeah you know he's sweaty now do you want to take a shower do you have showers yeah we have a shower in the corner over there if you just pull the curtain and use go ahead use the shower okay use the shower after curtain okay yeah feels a little unconventional but sure it's okay we're all waiting Calvin yeah take the shower if you don't mind okay just can you guys like uh we're waiting take okay take the shower okay you guys I can tell you right now I'm actually not attracted to him anymore great activity I think
Starting point is 01:09:01 that's so good for you I don't think you should just let him go yeah there's so many great people in Hollywood I don't feel like I need him anymore are you okay if I make a move absolutely I like this I would like everyone I mean showering and I won't support it but I do respect you so go ahead well we've got our premiere tonight I need to take oh okay you done Calvin yeah I am drawing all right oh some interesting development okay let me just towel off quick oh I just saw dick I'm out okay I'm out too big too small no I don't want to talk about it I don't want to talk about what I just said too wide I too wide I feel like it smiled at me and I don't know how to explain it in another way it's anthropomorphic yeah okay um all right some interesting things have
Starting point is 01:09:46 happened okay can you film me in I was kind of first of all you're in zone there you smell great thank you yeah sensational yeah that's my own brand of body wash incredible yeah Scott's fresh exactly some secret ingredients seven herbs and spices but um some interesting things have happened first of all Tiffany over here uh has decided she is not attracted to you anymore it's nothing personal I just don't like the way you look in person oh sure yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah no I get that I get that yeah yeah and then um Jillian was into you for a half sec oh great yeah it was fun choose in and out yeah saw your dick and decided that she's out yeah that tracks real bad dick yeah real bad dick real bad yeah I remain the same and not into you the whole time yeah well you know
Starting point is 01:10:31 I'm consistent again I have to respect that honestly in this day and age someone who can really stick to their guns I respect that yeah Scott do you want to give this a shot or oh oh no oh no no no no I uh I there's a guy named undy here who maybe undy oh maybe undy he's been on his phone in the corner again and and you have very similar voices you really do I don't know man I feel like there's some differences maybe a minor minor difference I feel like you're hyping up your voice right now to try to sound different I think it's pretty much always sounded like this I don't know that you've even sounded this okay anyway uh yeah if you guys want to get together and go out tonight review his dick that's interesting I don't think I said that no but like no everyone's
Starting point is 01:11:17 talking about this dick and no one knows what to make of it well I think Jilly knows what to make of it if not what to do with it I don't know what to do with it I don't know what anyone does with it yeah yeah okay let me give this a shot okay we've made a love connection wonderful Calvin would you mind just telling off again quickly okay wow okay you do have similar voices yeah no I think this is like pretty different and I'm looking at this dick now and it's you know it's actually intricate because it's like not who boy it's it would the best word for it be interesting yeah really like but like really though because it's of interest we all know dicks right sure yeah that's better than yeah yeah everyone but it's not sure yeah and like this one
Starting point is 01:12:04 is like it's like it's not the it's not the same yeah right it's not it's not like yours no yeah not at all yeah okay yeah it's almost like it's like smiling at me yeah that's the only way I could describe it yeah like like the new paramount pictures film smile yeah coming in 100 mil domestic real word mouth you know a lot about the movie business I love them I wish I could turn it into a career and you just or you can't talk about films without just just resorting to you know platitudes it's so good okay anyway all right one like this dick which I'd say probably six out of ten that's a pretty good if I hear a six out of ten of anything they're gonna make it yeah yeah on your date tonight guys have fun guys yeah yeah and we're sending you to a
Starting point is 01:12:53 wonderful movie comment I'm totally fine yes it's gonna get you nice and horny if you're into the things happening on screen like grief and milk and smiling to milk yeah everything a simple man all right wonderful I'm so glad we made a match here finally trying to set people up on this show for yeah weeks now years actually this is the first time it's ever worked wait like what about a doggie man oh she came here looking for love no no I didn't come looking for love I came looking to sell a script and I did it yeah right out of the gate yeah yeah yeah and uh very very hot awesome ladies and they're gonna one's gonna drag and one's gonna start it and with you guys attached quite honestly I have a first look deal where pretty much anything under 25 mil I can yeah
Starting point is 01:13:39 get green lit so I'm ready to green light this with you guys so I have a regular weekly segment on comedy bang bang where I reviewed dicks we no no no no no unfortunately that's a great thing I would want Scott full emotional bail yours is the only storyline not getting closer unfortunately closures happen no unfortunately it's not no I'm so sorry I'm so sorry we are running out of time though unfortunately we only have time for one final feature on the show that is a little something called plugs man is born man lives man plugs and it's all vanity man is born man lives man plugs and it's all vanity
Starting point is 01:14:27 he tried plugs he said I gave my plugs to enjoy pleasure what our teenagers doing today they're trying every thriller is in the plugs hey all right I like that that was plug thrills by Wyatt C Blom Wyatt C Blom thank you so much to Wyatt uh guys what are we plugging um Natalie and Jillian obviously I'm totally fine as in theaters and upon request at your own home right correct that's great yes any other plugs you know I mean look this is your time to shine this I mean this is the favorite everyone's favorite feature on the show is the plugs is it yeah so I mean like plug them if you got them quite honestly I would say that we're also in a
Starting point is 01:15:13 movie with Blake Anderson and that one's called I'm totally fine yeah oh that's a good plug Kyle knew a check and and Natalie and I did a movie as well called I'm yeah I'm totally fine okay that's coming out yeah that's a lot of stuff you guys have a lot on your plate yep yeah yeah that's great all available right now yeah all of them are really simultaneous release yeah yeah we're just hoping you know I like to do it simultaneously that's how I do it that's how she did wow um okay uh CJTE the man 9 8 8 8 8 underscore unlimited what do you want to plug oh man uh like where to even begin um you know as I said I love movies and uh I wish I could like talk about them for a living but these other guys got to it first so I can't but um I want a lot of movie podcasts no I even I
Starting point is 01:16:00 have one I would believe it if I saw it but blank check is like two guys and they talk about movies and they're really concise they're able to like knock out an 80 minute movie in like three three and a half hours real tight episodes no fat I remember I did that show once and I had took like half a day I had to do a Broadway show you didn't make it three hours after uh it started and I was like certainly I'll be able to make this and I had to cut off the show and say I'm leaving right yeah no it's really nice and short yeah but but like great really what are they covering right now oh man how do I even describe it it's so wow uh Stanley Kubrick oh yeah if you see it like 2001 a space Odyssey what do we think about Dr. Strange love not so fun this guy and it's like a
Starting point is 01:16:47 little it's like actually a little it's good movie it's a good movie it's just not a comedy right yeah but it but I mean it's going to be it's trying to be a comedy right yeah yeah yeah uh excuse me Scott can I can I play something oh yeah Calvin sure yeah um uh I'm very excited for a Disney plus original film coming out called Disenchanted oh yeah that's the sequel to Enchanted yeah yeah with Amy Adams and James Marsden yeah exactly you in that Calvin uh no I'm not there's uh I saw the trailer though and there's like a funny animated chipmunk who has a voice that's very different than mine or CJ the man's he's got like a very distinct voice what does it sound like if you could imitate it uh they sound like this so exactly like your voice no I think it was pretty
Starting point is 01:17:32 different okay if I'm comparing on the scale of there's some it's like a chipmunk yeah yeah okay yeah it looks really fun your main to the story or just like pretty relevant pretty relevant I would say run a picture it's kind of there a lot does it get closer at the end of the episode with whatever his character want is yeah I don't know if he really has an arc he's maybe more there it's a service yeah and sort of like wrap around structures get arcs this is true no it did in that uh big one yeah yeah what was that film that uh that one guy oh directed about him Noah Evan almighty exactly um all right and Piper a doggy aka Tiffany blastered blastered blastered yeah well what do you have to plug you know I just was here to plug
Starting point is 01:18:23 and I plug my scripts and so yeah yeah I have I have one more which I can tell you about and she's the girl who changes her catalytic converter by herself by herself on which day though uh oh I couldn't figure out how to make that holiday movie because all the other parts are closed the other ones were actually yeah could be a 4th of July movie yeah because it's kind of like you know loud or something sometimes why are you getting nervous suddenly um I said I was really you realized it was a terrible idea in the middle of it yeah yeah yeah but um but you want to make them happy because they're just because they're on board so far and I'm sure here's a tip and great learn to say no people people like stars love it when you say no I think you have to have a body
Starting point is 01:19:06 of work in order to say no to other things well good luck and how much is the budget of our movie by the way I clean 25 mil I think exactly it's I said anything under 25 mil if it's 25 I'm out 24.99 okay we have a deal great um I want to plug um hey look the comedy bang bang book is coming out in April and you can still get a signed copy I have looked at the numbers of how many copies I have to sign and it is really depressing and I got the timetable for how long I have to sign this amount of copies and that doubly depressed me as well but um you can still get a signed copy I said I would do as many as you guys order um head over to comedy or CBB world or comedy bang bang world dot com slash book you can order it from Barnes and Noble they have all the signed
Starting point is 01:19:55 copies as well as indigo and canada they have the signed copies and if you just want a regular copy we have all the links for you um over there it comes out in April and I have seen the final proofs of it it is very good you all are going to love it all right let's close up the old plug bag hey I was put back on a prayer by Mack Lekner thank you to Mack Lekner for that thank you guys I want to thank you so much Natalie Gillian two of my faves thank you so much for returning good luck with the movie and CJ Tee the man 98888 underscore unlimited hate you never want to see you again and thanks
Starting point is 01:21:32 and Tiffany Tiffany blastered I'll be seeing you on set and Calvin let's see that dick one more time tell off buddy I don't like saying that on the show here but whoa that's just like that movie smile hunter-melt domestic next time

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