Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Sean Clements, Hayes Davenport, Will Hines, Christine Bullen
Episode Date: May 15, 2023Sean Clements and Hayes Davenport of Hollywood Handbook join Scott to talk about the big guest for their 500th episode of their podcast, a pitch for a new movie podcast for CBB World, and Star Trek. T...hen, sober man Kenny Kicks stops by to talk about trying to get ahold of his hooch. Plus, nymph roast comic Fifinella drops by to test out some of her material.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey Sally, I'm already at the seashore, I can get my own seashells.
Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. I believe that activated Siri on the computer. Gonna remember
to do not disturb. There we are. And that means you, Siri. That's pretty good catchphrase.
Maybe I'll use that. Siri's still happening. Hey Siri, shut the fuck up. All right. Thanks
to Mean Mr. H for that wonderful catchphrase submission. Siri, that thing is still. Stop
it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Okay. And there he goes. All right. Hey, welcome
to Comedy Bang Bang, where apparently I do all the tech now. And that's in the 15th year.
Oh, Siri's still going on my phone. Oh, Siri is the worst thing to ever happen to podcasting
in general. Definitely. I started again. What happened? Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for
another edition. That's not nice. Siri is the fifth character of Comedy Bang Bang now.
Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. My name is Scott Ogerman. We have a wonderful show. Siri will
not be back. Why did they make it with a name that sounds like so many other things you
would say? Like I'm always saying much like the joke for why so serious. And yet it constantly
pops up. Coming up a little later, we have a sober man. We'll be here as well as a nymph
roast comic. Oh, two interesting guests coming up a little later. But before we get to them,
we have two interesting people who happen to be guests. Don't oversell it. Okay. We'll
try to live up to that control. So that's so nice. Interesting people. That's really,
really nice. This is the show where we talk to interesting people and you fit that category.
They are, of course, a fellow podcasters. Perhaps we'll be on Mount Podmore with Bruce
Springsteen and Obama. We'll share one. We'll share one head. We'll just do a single head
with two. Does Mount Rushmore, does it have heads on the back of everyone's heads? Like
that's a way to, okay, I get it. You don't want to double up the head. You don't want
to make a new Mount Rushmore. It's very expensive. It's time consuming. Just double up on the
back. Just go around the back. Nobody's looking at the back of these damn heads. Exactly.
You can get the whole other side of the country. The guys that work there. Which, yeah, which
Mount Rushmore did you go to? Yes, exactly. Did you go to West Coast or East Coast? Yeah.
Mount Rushmore. It's the staff there. They know, like, they sell tickets on the side.
They'd be like, Hey, if you really want to see some shit, just go take your head back.
And then who would be able, would it be presidents or would it be? It's the ones you don't know
about. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, what are the presidents we don't know about? Were there
ones in between, like, two and a half? Sort of like, do you guys know the magical world
of Harry Potter? No, tell me about this, actually. You were texting me about this earlier. And
I was, I had to mute the thread because I didn't know what you were talking about. Right.
Well, the boy who lived, maybe that rings a bell or Dumbledore? A lot of boys. There's
a lot of boys who have lived. Yeah, you're right. You're right about that. I mean, all
the people on Mount Rushmore are effective boys who lived. Yeah. Although not forever.
That is one thing that I should make clear is that to my knowledge, there is not a single
boy who has lived forever. Although any boy who is alive right now could be the one. Yeah,
I'll agree to those terms. You guys could be boys who live forever as well. We don't know.
Well, that's what these are about. Right. Check one, two, these microphones. Hayes is
tapping the microphone. Let me introduce them. They are fellow podcasters. They have a show
Hollywood Handbook of which the 500th episode is dropping this week. An incredible achievement.
Yeah. Oops, they did one more. Oops. I accidentally dropped something. Wonderful. And that's the
type of humor you'll hear on Hollywood Handbook. The 500th episode comes out this week. Please
walk him back to the show. He's Davenport and Sean Clements. I guess it is. It really
is back. It's been so long. Yeah. Been quite a bit of time mainly because I believe the
last time I had you guys on, people were like, who are these guys? I don't get it. They're
not famous. Please don't have them on again. And I took that to heart. Sure. Yeah. But
eventually you're going to start scraping bottom. And serious need now. Please don't
say serious. You're doing all the tech yourself. That's not nice. Yeah. Yeah. 15th year. This
is, it's no good. But I'm glad you guys are on because 500 episodes is quite an achievement.
I met 800 in something which tells me that you guys started maybe six years after I did.
Is that just the math? Check out there. I'm not one of these eggheads over here with the
calculators. I just, I do this, you know, I talk to them. Sean is tapping. Yeah, both
of them have a very tap microphone kind of style, which you can hear on Hollywood Handbook,
the 500th episode of which comes out this week. Now, 500 episodes of this show, describe
the show exactly what it is because I think a lot of people who listen to Comedy Bang
Bang, that's their only podcast because I don't, I don't like directing people to other
podcasts. Why would you? Yeah, keep it in house. Yeah, exactly. Why siphon off my audience
to you? But at the same time, I think that a lot of these people are interested at least
in what your show is all about. Describe it. Give the elevator pitch, if you would. It's
real. It's raw. It's unfiltered. Shorter than that. Shorter elevator ride. Okay. Shorter
than raw. Okay. That's going to be tough for me. I guess looking at the three words
that Hayes chose and knowing that all of them felt too long to you, I would just use the
letter R. Maybe it was the combination of the three, too many syllables. Real raw unfiltered.
Yeah. Okay. Real raw unfiltered. That's five syllables. Try to get it down to four. All
right. Hayes, I guess we weren't prepped for this. Filtered filter. Okay, so you guys,
it's real. It's raw and it's filtered. There's some light editing, sometimes whatever we tighten
up the pauses or just a guest and we're doing more gets us in trouble. Yeah. I like to tighten
up the pauses live while we're in studio. Well, and that's commendable, but then you've
had six more years of practice. That's true. Yeah, you'll get there. So it is a show where
Hayes and Sean are the hosts and then what happens? I mean, we all get that. We all understand
podcasts. I wish I knew every time I sat down, I wish I knew what was going to happen, but
no, I said yesterday, I'm constantly re-entering the room throughout the show. Yeah. So just
like suddenly finding my bearings once again, wondering how I got here, what the show is.
Sean has like sort of short-term amnesia, essentially where you'll enter a room, go,
I don't know what I'm doing here, walk out and go, Oh, I'm supposed to go into that room.
And then it constantly over and over. We like to say we're the, our show's biggest fans because
we're mostly just perceiving it. It's mostly just like happening to us. In spite of us.
Yeah. Yeah. The show continues. Yeah. So you have on guests though, if I'm not wrong,
because I believe I was on this show maybe a couple of weeks ago.
Like two weeks ago you were there. Something like that. Yeah. I'm, I'm the, the, the time.
Did you have fun? I always want to know if people have fun. I really want it to be a
good experience for guests. Well, you know, it's work for me. So I don't know that fun
enters the equation. It was definitely an appearance that I gave in order to promote
something I was working on in this case, the comedy bang bang book. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.
So I, I, I don't even view it through that, that filter speaking of filters or that prism.
Yeah. So, but did you guys have fun? Because that's what's important when you're podcasting
is to have fun while you're doing it. No idea. You know, I have no, I'd have to listen back
and I look forward to listening. You have short-term and long-term amnesia we should mention.
Yeah. It's really, it's, it's a fun way to experience the world is interesting because
I'm never bogged down with all this baggage of like where I am. Exactly what I was supposed
to be doing. Baggage by the way. Baggage. Jerry Springer just passed away. Host of baggage.
What do you guys think about that? Well, I guess, I'm not going to say I think it was time.
Truly a legend though, broadcasting wise. Sure. That's why I'm not, that's why I would never say
that. And what I would say is it's sad. The ringmaster himself. But there is now
a vacuum that's been created. That's right. And you guys could step in. It feels more like you.
I mean, think about wringling all these madcap characters, right? Now that you imagine it,
this does sound like it might be in the future. And I'm thinking, isn't that what comedy bang,
bang is? So yeah, I mean, get, you know, I don't know if Steve is still alive.
Steve's probably, you know, Steve's still with us. I believe he was by his bedside the entire
time, threw a chair at him, right? He died. Get Steve in here.
You do it in here. His final words were, oh no, a chair. Right there. And he died.
But a sad day, certainly for all broadcasters, which includes you guys. Now, essentially,
Hollywood Handbook is a show, it's a podcast where you guys are giving out Hollywood tips,
right? You're talking about the business of show and you're, you're taking guests through it. And
is that, is that what that's what we said? When we started it, we said it would be that.
And if that's what this is about, Scott, if this is sort of like a backdoor to like
getting some of these tips, if you, I mean, I just, I mean, yeah, do you have any tips?
You're leveraged on CBB world up to the freaking mad. I am in the red here.
Yes. Guy's upside down on his CBB world. That's right. I don't know how to think about this.
I think we're in, we're, we're in prime opportunities zone here, Scott, where you've
got all these shows, right? Yeah. If you just had a few more shows, right? Is that what we're
doing? All this stuff going on. It's growth, it's exponential growth. All this stuff going on with
the writers, you know, all this stuff. Well, now the, I wanted to ask because, because I believe
you guys are out there on the picket line. Oh yeah, sure. We'll march it down up there. We'll
sing our little song. I haven't been on the picket lines yet. I've honked at them a couple of times
since I drove by. And did I appreciate it? Yes. Once was because they were in my way.
Yeah. And then the other time was because they were in my way as well.
But we appreciate it both times because I don't want to be in your way. And I don't want to get hit,
which is what you said would happen if we didn't move. That's right. And it just so happens to
work out that the longer this thing goes, the better opportunity for you to go in there with us.
You've got a whole package of shows. You say to the studios,
I got like, I got your whole next year of program, next year of program, right?
No, right. You can tell the freaking pencil police to kick rocks. Right? You don't need them.
This shit's turnkey. Get AI to draw the shit. You know, when, when people say ACAB, ACAB,
does that include the pencil police? Wow. Well, it's, it's all. Yeah.
It's all. Yeah. So I mean, those people telling everyone pencils down for this strike,
but are the pencil pick rocks? Cops? Huh? Are the pencil police cops? Are all police cops?
This is a good question. That's what we got to dig into. Yeah. Hey,
sound off in the comments. Yes. The episode. So there's a little space down below the episode
for you to type in your comments. Make sure you, you send us your comments. We'll be,
you know, the three of us will be sifting through these today. It's under the episode.
It's right underneath the episode. It's like a little box. If you can't see it,
like whatever podcast app you're on, there's like a little text box underneath. It should,
it should be blank. You just need a stylus, I guess. Huh? No, I think you can tap on it with
your finger, I think, but it shouldn't be, there shouldn't be anything in there unless maybe like
in very faint type, it should say like type here, maybe. And then once you start typing,
that disappears. I don't know. Well, however you get it, send us here. So no stylus with a stylus
or something. No stylus required. French Montana. I don't know what that means.
I'm more of a Phil Collins guy. No jacket required. No stylus required is a parody of that.
Oh, and a good one.
Thanks. I am proud of it. But so Hollywood Handbook, getting back to you, because obviously,
I want to put a pin in this of going into the studios with you guys. I don't know how you guys
got past the CBB world. Yeah, just, yeah, help and generate more, you know, Obama. You're always
talking about an interview to Obama. So it's like, I fellow podcast now is time, I think, to call that
in as well as his wife is now a fellow podcaster to keep it in the fan. Well, and that's who we
should add to the back of Mount Rushmore. Yes, the wives. Can we get some of these wives on them?
Whoever like, like, make it Mary Lincoln famously portrayed by Sally Field in the movie. Yes,
sticking out of the back of the head of every great man. Yeah, that's right. Yes, behind every
great president, right? What a wonderful theme to impart upon society that for every great man
that's up there, there's a tinier woman who's like, just like right on the back of their head.
Yeah, just kind of saying like, well, I can't be out there in front, but I'm happy to be back here.
Wonderful. Yeah. Very happy. They love it back there. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Speaking of CBB world,
I do recall that you guys were one of our first guests on the Scott hasn't seen. Yes. In fact,
our first guests, I believe you were on episode two, we did episode one without guests and then
you were our first guest. And you came up with an idea for a show and I said, okay, let's do that
show. And you guys went, no, thanks. And then I didn't talk to you again for another two years.
What was the show? It wasn't, I know the show. Oh, okay. If I may. Yeah. What was it? Tell me what
the show was. It was, I think it was some sort of after show for something like Sean and Hayes
haven't heard Scott hasn't. Yes. Right. And so after our show, you would do an after show where
you hadn't listened to the show. And I said, great, let's do it. And then you said, no. What, why is
that? The IP at that point was cached. The Scott hasn't seen IP. It was freaking burnt. I do think
I have another picture of how we can expand, innovate on it, expand on it. Okay. Scott hasn't
worn. Okay. Scott, I mean, famously has never worn a condom. He gets only, only when I'm having sex.
Some of his famous friends. Yeah, sure. And so for the purposes of the show, I put, I put them
on some dry. So these things on, like, yeah, they talk about their experiences with the condom
when they were younger or whatever. And you come in and kind of reward this. Are you freaking
kidding me? Ever wore a Trojans twisted pleasure? And I got to say it's to my detriment because,
you know, what happened? I had a daughter. Yes. Yeah. Because of that. That's right. Yeah.
Oops. And if you go, I drop something else. Yeah, exactly. So now, I don't know why you
guys are attached when I go into the studios, but let's get back to your show because that
is something you are definitely attached to. Hollywood Handbook described this show. I got
another idea for how to expand off of this Scott hasn't seen. Love to hear. So, you know,
it started out, there's all these movie pineapple cast people go, this, you know,
this movie's great. I love it. Or this movie's bad. Well, then it became this movie's bad,
right? I don't know. So bad as freaking awesome. Then you, you innovated, right? And you went,
I just, this movie, like, I just, I haven't even seen it. It could be good. Could be bad. I don't
know. And it's like, Oh, are we done? No, what about this? What the fuck is a movie? Yeah. Like,
every week, somebody comes on and tries to explain what a movie is to you and you get furious.
Let's do a pilot here. We're with you guys. Let's give it a shot. All right. Hey, welcome to,
what is a movie? I have wonderful guests here of the Hollywood Handbook podcast of which the
500th episode is coming out this week. Please welcome Hayes and Sean. Hey, so happy to be here,
Scott. And so happy to talk to you about what a movie is. Yeah, great. Hi, Scott. Hi, Hayes.
Why are you looking at me like that? So, all right. So what is a movie?
It's a collection of moving images. Like one or there's sound as well. There's people talking
in every movie at every single movie. Yes, there's people talking at it.
Okay. I think I get it. It's moving images where every single one of them someone's talking.
Yeah. There's like a story throughout the different people pretending to be somebody
else. Different people. Different people. Yeah, there's like different from whom.
Well, different from you and I. We're not in movies. What about Austin Powers Gold member?
So you've heard of, you've heard of a lot of movies or all movies or
equism. Okay. How many different Star Trek movies can you name?
There are two. Okay. So you know Austin Powers Gold member. Yeah. That's what you think is called
Austin Powers Gold member. I think it is. Okay. I think it also could be called that.
I think it might be Austin Powers in Gold member. Yeah, I think that seems right. But I don't know.
That was a mistake. It should have just been called Austin Powers Gold member.
Probably. Although we with the Austin Powers franchise, you know, we discussed that. Certainly,
that was making the rounds on the text chain. Yeah. It's like these huge boardrooms full of people
making it. So you helped produce. You don't know what a movie is, but you help produce. No, I didn't
help produce. I was in Austin Powers in Gold. It was Scott Ackerman in Austin Powers in Gold member.
But I consider myself to be part of the franchise. Okay. So you know that there's people talk. Did
you talk in it? No. So that I got paid like I did. So they told you that people don't talk.
Hey, nobody's talk. Don't feel weird about not talking people. It's a movie. But now you guys
are telling me that everyone talks in these movies? Pretty much. Yeah. Then what did I do?
Because it was just the back of my head. I'm curious as well. Yeah. It was just the back
of your head. So it's just Kula. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, some Sean are here now. Hollywood Handbook,
the 500th episode is coming out this week. What is Hollywood Handbook again? What exactly
it's you guys hosting and then you have guests on and you're talking about. We do a guest come on.
Yeah. We've done episodes without guests too. Oh, okay. But for the 500th episode, you guys do
have a guest. Is that right? We've got a guest. We do have a guest. I'm thinking about a guest
for you though. Oh, okay. Who I would love because honestly, I don't have any guests booked after
you guys. So you interviewed. That's how bad it is right now. You guys were like the bright spot.
I was like, got these guys at least. I have no one. I've looked at the count. Everything was
leading up to this book release. I looked at the calendar of possible guests, zero. You guys are
it. So you're talking about as we established how you interviewed Obama that one time. I did not.
But yes, let's get RFK Junior in here. Let's have him like really say his piece. Yeah. Right.
It seems like the mainstream or rather lame stream media isn't allowing him to do you own the ferns
or you ate like that. Like if you if you brought the ferns out and filmed that thing, would they get
mad? What's proprietary about the right? I mean, anything can have ferns in it. It's just nature.
It's not like I go to movies of which I know Austin Powers and Gold member. Yeah. And maybe two of the
Star Trek's and look for ferns. Although there were like there were some ferns in Star Trek.
Now that I'm thinking about it, Star Trek, the motion picture. Am I correct? The two Star Trek's
you know are Star Trek 3 and Star Trek 4. I know Star Trek, the motion picture because I just
mentioned it. And now you're telling me there's three and a four. So now I know three Star Trek.
He thinks it's called the wrath of condom. The wrap, the unwrapped condom. I do know Persis
Kambada is in Star Trek, the motion picture. She had a bald head. But no fern on that head. But I
did. I do think that on the Enterprise, the Starship Enterprise, the USS Enterprise,
I believe there's a fern in the corner now that I think about. Imagine the story behind that fern.
Yeah. Gathered it. They had to go to Space Home Depot. Pick it up. Space fern. Space fern.
Yeah. You know, I can't stop thinking about the opportunity we have at CBB World right now.
Yeah. To really expand the content. You guys could disrupt it too, maybe. Well,
this is what I'm wondering like. I got this idea for a show. Okay. Dax loves trucks.
Dax loves trucks. Okay. Yes. My understanding. I have it. I'm very good authority. Then Dax?
Dax. Shepard. Oh, Dax Shepard. Yeah. He's crazy about trucks. He loves trucks.
What's he like about it? He loves them. He made that movie about motorcycles.
Okay. Chips. What a perfect fit. Right? Which don't go to that movie Hungry. I'll tell you that
much. You're going to see a movie about motorcycles. Yeah. Instead of seeing a movie where you,
where they feed you chips. So this is another, I guess, another movie discrepancy.
Instead you see a movie where they feed you motorcycles. Okay. I feel like maybe when
you were on the set of Austin Powers Gold member, maybe you got to eat chips. Yeah.
There was like a table full of them. Okay. Yeah. All right. And yet I go to the movie chips
and it's just a bunch of guys riding motorcycles admittedly hilariously.
Don't, don't go to that movie. Not Hungry either. Don't go. Yeah. Go to that movie somewhere in
between. Somewhere in between incredibly sated and starved somewhere just like where it's like
maybe you just ate and you're fine. And there's this point. There's almost no way to go to that
movie. So definitely drink snacks for the process of trying to go. Trying to find. Yeah. It's going
to take you. Have something in there. It's like a bag of jerky in the car or something. Exactly.
Yeah. So now Dax loves. Dax loves. This is my thing is like what I understand. I actually
talked to somebody recently who worked on a show with him. There's a friend of mine worked on a
show and, and I guess a trusted source. I trust him with my life. Wow. Okay. But not that crazy
about my life. Oh, okay. So, so yeah. So at any rate, my understanding is that if he was,
you know, in a bad mood on set, somebody down just to talk about trucks with him.
And it would really lift his spirits. So we just start talking about a person he'd met before
or just like a stranger would wander in. I don't have all those details and say just like mention
a truck. Just like when they're big and the wheels and then his ears would perk up the
horns like you talk about trucks and then you come over and oh, wow. What is this? Dax loves
trucks and Scott hasn't seen trucks. Scott hasn't seen trucks. So he would have intended every truck
because this guy's got a big podcast following. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's pretty interesting.
So then he comes rushing in to start explaining trucks to you all of a sudden. You're talking
about not having any guests lined up. All these trucks. Is that what you're saying?
The trucks are the guests. No, no, no, that's fine. No, that's fine. It could be the trucks
could be the guests. I thought Dax would be the guest. We did have Dax on once very early on
in our run in the, in the first 50 episodes, I remember. That's what I was listening. Yeah.
Oh, really? You jumped off after that. I've been in and out, you know?
That's my favorite burger. Oh, Siri, come on, Siri. He's not saying sex in and out.
Oh my God. So now tell me who is on the 500th episode.
Come on, spoil the details because you guys have to tickle it out. You guys got a pretty big
guest from what I understand. Yeah, I guess. So yeah, to us, he's a big guest. You probably don't
give a shit. You're probably bored. Give us some hints. Give me a little hint. Well, how about this?
Let's do it this way. Yeah. The person has been on your show. Okay. Right? Yeah. You rank for us
where this person stacks up in terms of the famousness of all of your guests.
Famousness of all of our guests? Probably, I mean, up there.
Up there, right? Definitely up there. I do know who it is.
Top five for your show. For my show, I think, I think one of the...
It's not Obama, but... No, no, Obama never dropped by on this show, but that shuts up about it.
One of the, one of the most, I think, I think one of the top five. Yeah, one of the most famous
people to be the main guest. Yeah. No, I think you're right.
Right. Wow. Your name must be pretty good. One famouser guest? One who's bigger.
Somebody say Seth Rogen? I don't know. I don't know. I'm not sure. Yeah.
But they're of that level. If I'm looking at the box office numbers, B.O.
You do have to think about... That's true. The times.
We have to think about the times. You have to think about the times, definitely.
So we're talking a big A-level star. Yeah. Movie star, certainly.
Starred in movies. Yeah. Starred in movies. I will again. Can I ask,
was, when you did the interview, was he fidgety or was he...
Did he remain pretty motionless? Completely motionless. So he was so
amazing that you would bring that up. Both hands flat on the table.
So more still than normal. Is that...
I mean, I don't know. I don't like to think about what's normal.
I wouldn't say he's like the still-est. Right. But pretty motionless.
Yeah. More still than a normal guest. Okay. Well, this sounds amazingly...
So if you want to listen to a podcast where Hayes and Sean are the hosts and there's a guest
who's not moving around a lot, the 500th episode of Hollywood Handbook is...
You're going to want to... That's one of the top five for sure.
You're going to want to set an alarm for this tomorrow morning.
Because it comes out tomorrow. Is that right?
It's going to be... Yeah. So when you're listening to this,
if you listen to it right when it comes out, and I think you should,
it's going to be one day away that you will hear a guest.
We have big movie star, one of the top five guests on comedy bang bang ever,
debatably bigger than Seth Rogen. You know, not my place to say.
In there though. In there. But yeah. And he's more still. Wow.
Wow. Incredible. Well, this is... Look, before then,
you can catch up with the first 499 episodes, which I think people have to do in order to get
your whole sensibility... We do some... There is some explanation of
kind of the history of the show on the... On the 500th?
Yeah. Do you do like a recap? Like previously on Hollywood Handbook.
For him. For him. Oh, you had to acclimate it.
Because how did you get this guest? Because I heard the name and I was like,
I don't know why this guy or any guy, or a woman even, would do this show necessarily,
but he... And it is a he. We can say that, right?
It's a guy. It's a dude. It's a dude.
It's a little bit of a sausage fest in the 500th. I'll admit it. You know what I mean?
So you guys are growing out in this 500th episode. Why does this guest do this show?
I think he wanted to be a part of something bigger than himself.
Wow. Amazing. Even a career like that, I think you just, you know,
you look back on your work at some point and you say like...
I haven't done this. Yeah.
Are there new frontiers? Are there new challenges to take on?
New frontiers, just like the Star Trek. Star Trek, the other movie you know.
There's a new one and then a final. Oh wait, I've heard of number five.
Wow. Well, this is great. How do people access this show?
There's some sort of secret code that they need or what?
Do you mind giving that out now or?
Well, it would be a very good secret if we just gave it out.
But that makes me think another CB group.
What's going on? Are you yawning or is this indigestion?
It's both. It's both.
You know, so wait, I got so much indigestion. I'm sleeping.
You ate something last night.
Then didn't agree with you. It kept you up all night and you're yawning.
Is that what's happening? That's right.
Sleepy and sick.
CBB World Podcast.
Scott's Gate Code.
The podcast. Yeah.
Because you have to sub for it, right? You have to subscribe.
But then once you do, you get the gate code.
You can just drop by anytime.
You obviously change the gate code every day,
so they have to like continue the subscription.
You have to hold up those like Google readers or whatever.
And then, yeah, it's constantly changes every 15 seconds.
Yes.
We got anything for CBB World.
Can we do something with those pistol shrimps?
Yeah. I feel like we, I feel like we haven't seen them for this.
The ones who actually played the basketball
are the ones who are capitalizing on it.
I don't, yeah, I don't know,
but it felt like there was a real cottage industry around this.
Yeah.
And the documentary about them.
Yeah. Yeah.
Multiple pilots in development.
And then it's been kind of, might be time.
It's time to merge.
It's time to merge.
Here's an idea.
The male pistol shrimps.
Wow.
Oh my gosh.
Scott.
This is why you're so,
this is why you're on the front of Mount Popmore.
A little more in the demo, you know, 25 to 45 males.
There'll be a little more into this, I think,
because they can imagine themselves as a pistol shrimp.
Put yourself in the basketball shoes of male pistol shrimps.
You ever try on a pair of shoes that didn't belong to you?
Sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Of course.
How to go.
Oh, they didn't fit.
Pace?
I mean, they, they, they're weird about it at the store,
where you're, what you're like.
Was this at a shoe store or this is?
Yeah.
Where you're like, can I try these on?
And they're like, okay.
They're weird about it in a lot of stores.
Okay. Those are mine.
Interesting.
You want to try them.
Okay. Those are my shoes.
If you went and they walk up, they go,
see anything you like.
And I go, I like what you got.
Right downstairs.
Yeah.
My eyes are down there.
Um, if you went into a shoe store, you could probably,
because everything has its price, right?
Yeah.
You could probably charm the shoes off of one of the salespeople.
Right.
You got to imagine there's a way to walk out of there in that kind of shoe.
Now this, I think is a CBB world show.
Right.
Get the shoes.
Get the shoes off this lady.
Get the shoes.
That.
Yeah.
I mean.
This has, and pardon the pun, legs.
Yeah.
Because feet are attached to legs.
Yeah.
Sure.
And feet are the things you put shoes on.
Yeah.
They're pardoned.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, that, that's actually really exciting for me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The old year will do the audio.
The audio of getting shoes.
All those shoes on the wall, you remember?
It did.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, it was a, it was half a podcast studio, half a shoe store.
Imagine if you had that again, they're mounted like trophies.
Oh man.
What happened?
Well, I love the guy who did those shoes.
Where is he now?
Now.
Where's the, the, the goose man?
The goose man.
The goose man.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He made some shoes at you guys, right?
We got one shoe to share.
But that's fine with you, right?
You only have one show and you share that.
Well, he said we would be willing to share Mount Rushmore.
Mm-hmm.
That's right.
That's right.
So wait, not Mount Podmore.
You guys want to be on Rushmore?
Oh, you were saying Mount Pobber.
I was, oh, Mount Pobmore for us?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah. I don't know that you guys make it on Rushmore, quite honestly.
I mean, there's only so much time in the day.
I don't know if you can put in the work at this point in order to get up there,
but who knows?
Who knows?
Yeah.
I guess I believe in myself a little more than you do, but that's always been true.
Yeah.
We have a big guest for our 500th episode, so I don't, I don't, I don't think you
want Rushmore.
You said you knew who it was.
I can understand that getting you on Podmore,
because I do believe Hollywood Handbook Episode 500 comes out tonight or tomorrow.
And once that guest is revealed, I think you guys are on the fast track to Podmore.
Now, Mount Rushmore, I don't know if it gets in there.
I'll say this about our big guest.
He wasn't in Rushmore.
He was not in Rushmore, but he was in another movie.
He was in a different movie.
That is true.
Yeah.
A few, actually.
And another one as well.
Yeah.
Maybe about probably 40 or so movies, wouldn't you think?
It's, it's, it takes a long time to, you know, it only takes two hours to watch one of these
things, but it takes like a good, I mean, sometimes it's the month, sometimes it's
like a year to make one.
To make the movie.
Yeah.
That's what I've been told.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tom Cruise was, was Austin Powers Gold member the one that Tom Cruise was in?
He was.
Yes.
I shared the screen with Tom Cruise.
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
Wow indeed.
Yeah.
A legend.
Is Tom Cruise, I'm sorry, are you giving a hint to the listeners?
Is Tom Cruise the guy, is he jumping around on your couch?
It's not Tom.
But he's been in a movie with Tom.
Really?
Okay.
Okay.
I'm not fibbing.
Oh, by the way, you guys never lie on your show.
Is that right?
Uh, that's been, we're going to start soon.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
In the, in the 500.
That's been our policy, but we're running out of troops to death.
We're doing a big pivot and we are, yes, we are going to start lying very soon.
Well, this is exciting.
Hollywood Handbook, 500th episode.
Coming up this week, tomorrow, in fact, huge, huge guests.
They can't say who he is, but he's been in a movie, if not two.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
And he's, he's very motionless and he is not in Rushmore.
So if you're a big fan of the movie, Rushmore.
But some people might think that he was, but he wasn't.
He was in other movies.
You might think, is that even though, was he in Rushmore?
Yeah.
He's not.
He was not.
But he's in.
Yeah.
So you will not want to tune in if you're a big fan of Rushmore, but everyone else.
Well, you could.
You could still.
You could, Scott.
Well, you could listen still.
Don't you think though, you'd be listening and, you know, saying like,
is this as good as Rushmore?
If you like Rushmore, you'll love this guy because he's, you know, he's done some other.
Well, but still.
I don't know.
Doesn't make sense to me.
But 500th episode comes out this week.
We're going to have to take a break, but now Hayes and Sean, can you stick around?
Because we have some great guests.
Oh, yeah.
I'd love to.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, you've got great guests.
We have great guests.
We have a sober man and a nymph roast comic.
Oh, beautiful.
Sounds good, right?
Yeah.
I mean, yeah.
Sounds like great guests.
It's Ben Stiller.
Ben Stiller.
I guess please, please, please listen.
Ben Stiller.
Please listen.
It's Hollywood, but Ben Stiller is your guest.
It's Ben Stiller.
It's Ben Stiller.
Yeah.
But we'll stick around.
I got my.
Okay.
Great.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, let's take a break.
I was thinking of Royal Ten of Bumps just after Rushmore, I think, was MTV Movie Awards.
Yeah.
He did a Tom Cruise thing where he does the impression.
Yeah.
He did like a Tom Cruise and musical thing on the Ben Stiller show.
It was funny.
Yeah.
Yes.
Funny stuff.
All right.
Well, Ben Stiller on Hollywood Handbook tomorrow, 500th episode.
We're going to be right back with a sober man and a nymph roast comic.
We'll be right back with more Hayes and Sean Hollywood Handbook.
More comedy bang bang after this comedy bang bang Hayes and Sean are here of Hollywood Handbook.
500th episode.
Ben Stiller is the huge guest.
Something about Mary.
Did he still have the jizz in his hair from something about Mary?
I didn't touch his.
Was that in his hair or that was in someone else's hair?
I think it was hanging off of his ear.
And then she puts it in her hair.
Right.
Because Adam Scott, who works on Severance with him, has been looking for that jizz.
Looking for that piece.
He hasn't seen it.
He's searching for jizzermen.
He hasn't seen it, but I was wondering if you guys were able to track it down.
And it sounds like no.
No, I didn't even know it was on the loose.
I think he's used to that question.
So as soon as he came up on the Zoom screen, he was like,
so just to get out of the way, it fell off.
The jizz fell off of my ear.
Oh, okay.
The jizz was in her hair.
It wasn't in my hair.
Yeah.
Don't touch my hair.
That's kind of the number one question he gets asked about in interviews, right?
Is the jizz still on your ear?
Pissed off.
And I was going to ask for sure.
No, I felt it was creepy almost.
Then I was like, can he see my notes or something?
Because I had this big notepad with just a lot of questions about the jizz.
And I was like, huh.
So that doesn't come up after he dissuades you immediately.
Okay.
Yeah, no.
And we ended up not really talking about that much.
Okay. Well, the 500th episode out tomorrow, and congrats, guys,
because it's quite an accomplishment.
You think you'll do 500 more or we run it at a steam?
What I'll say is, I don't think it'll be up to me.
Oh, so this is more of a Hayes decision.
Because you're on board for whatever.
I'm just there.
Right.
But Hayes is the, you're the guy steering the ship.
You're the captain of my captain.
And I'm sort of crunching the numbers now.
How many more we haven't, we've got them all planned.
What are these numbers?
Because you got 501, 502, 503, 504, 506.
Did I skip one?
505, 505, 506.
We'll do that, yeah.
Yeah.
Looking at it now, we're not going to do 508.
Oh, okay.
But are you skipping to 509?
We are also not going to do 509.
We're going to go straight to, we're going to go straight to 540.
Oh, okay.
So 508.
Another sort of like myosin.
We're going to try and just do like round number episodes.
So 504 is about.
This is like the only one we've ever gotten any attention for is 500.
So now it's like the zero.
Now it's going to take so long to get to like 600 or 700.
Like these bigger numbers.
It's tough.
Yeah.
Let's just really talk.
So we are going to skip right ahead.
We are going to do 1,000 in like July.
Oh, great.
Yeah, which we're really very excited about.
And we're hoping that bed will come back.
And then you get to ask him about that jizziness here.
Well, then at that point it'll be like, come on, man, we did one for you.
Now you do one for us.
Let's fucking talk about jizz, brother.
It's the entire app.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
That'll be a great episode.
Hollywood Handbook, 1,000 this July.
But before that, yeah, 500 coming out this week.
Let's get to our next guest.
He's a sober man.
Please welcome to the show for the first time.
Kenny Kicks.
Hey, Scott.
Thanks for having me.
Hey, my pleasure.
This is Hayes.
This is Sean.
Hi, guys.
Hey, Kenny.
Hey, Ken.
Hey, Ken.
What's up?
Big fan of the Hollywood Handbook.
Wow.
Hollywood Handbook.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, really?
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah.
It's not off-putting or anything?
It is.
And I like it.
I enjoy being alienated.
I like feeling left out of references.
I like looking up the stuff they refer to and figuring it out.
It's fun.
Yeah, I enjoy it.
I enjoy it.
Yeah.
It's like doing a crossword puzzle if you don't know one of the answers, you look it up and go like, oh, wow.
Yeah, I don't know why this crossword puzzle doing it made me feel so bad, but.
But at the end, I learned something and it's so it's worth it.
Yeah, that's what it's like.
Well, welcome to the show, Kenny Kicks.
You're a sober man.
Sober man, not by choice.
Not by choice.
I wish I was drunk right now.
Whose choice was it for you to?
Look, I don't want to grouse, OK?
I'm excited to be on this big show and it's fun,
but I just, I can't get ahold of my hooch.
I can't get ahold of my sweet, my sweet firewater.
Are you a formerly not sober man?
Yes.
OK.
Yes.
And you, when you say you can't get ahold, you have a special supply or cut to the chase.
Please.
I am from the earliest that the chase has ever been cut to on this show.
Let's cut to the chase immediately.
I know that you're usually you like to cut to the chase when?
I'm usually, yeah, I'm usually in the third segment.
I like to, yeah, C block.
C block chase cutter?
Yeah.
Let's cut to the chase right now.
In B block.
This is unprecedented.
We'll see if it's a mistake.
Certainly it's happened before.
I live in Metropolis, OK, which is most famously the home of a certain superhero
named Superman.
Right.
All right.
Big ass on his chest.
Oh, yeah, you know, right?
I've heard, yeah.
Trademark curl.
We had Bizarro on the show a few, few months ago.
Him, I love.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Don't say that to him.
To Superman?
To Bizarro, because that would make one very upset.
When he was on the show, I don't think he quite understood the opposite part of it.
He only knew the me am part of it.
Well, that's what I like about him.
He doesn't get caught up in internal logic.
You know what I mean?
He doesn't worry about his own internal character continuity.
He can hang out with Bizarro and not feel like an idiot.
Right.
Superman's, don't get me.
So you live in Metropolis, which is out there on the East Coast.
East Coast place.
OK.
It's not New York, but it's around.
And so there I am.
I am what you would call a character of the streets, a man of the alleys.
I don't know what that means.
I live in the streets.
Oh, you're unhoused.
I'm unhoused.
By choice.
By choice.
So wait, you're unhoused by choice, but sober not by choice.
Not by choice.
OK.
Interesting.
I prefer to spend my days imbibing the hooch, the fire water.
OK.
But what happens is we, alcohol, we should mention.
Sure.
Alcohol.
Yeah.
I'm an alcoholic.
If I right now, I don't know.
As active as I wish I could be.
I don't know that we should be calling it fire water necessarily,
which I believe is an offensive term.
I was uncomfortable when that.
Yeah.
I thought I thought once and I'll let it slide twice as a spank.
You know, like, you're like, this guy's going to keep saying it.
Let's put it.
Let's nip.
OK.
Let's put a pin in saying that word.
How about this?
That's the earliest of spanking about this show.
Yeah.
It's true.
That's true.
That's true.
Everything's going to be a bad block.
For usually the third time.
Yeah.
When do you usually issue your spankings?
Usually, usually afterplugs.
Morally.
Afterplugs, you go around and just morally chase every single guest.
So it's coming for a haze and chalk.
Just like I love to learn from the Hollywood Handbook,
I'm happy to learn here too and be educated.
That's good.
How about what do you think about bathtub gin?
Sure.
Yeah, you can say that.
How about just gin?
OK, sure.
Well, are you talking about gin?
Yeah.
Is there gin that's specific?
What is your drink of choice?
Homemade alcohol.
Homemade.
Of what type?
Just moonshine.
Moonshine.
Yeah.
And that doesn't have a type like vodka or gin or whiskey
or whatever.
Or it's just like alcohol.
It's a gin or a vodka.
It is.
Yeah, that's right.
And yours is gin?
Mine's gin.
OK, so it is gin.
It is gin.
And do you have a bathtub?
Yep.
I got a bathtub, yeah.
Where?
OK.
In my alley.
Claw feet.
Somebody threw it out and I dragged it in there.
Claw foot tub.
A claw foot tub, yeah.
OK.
Looks great.
Anyway.
Beautiful.
And Auntie.
There I am wanting to drink my hooch.
OK.
How much could you sell this claw foot tub for?
What's that?
How much could you sell that?
I mean, it sounds like an auntie.
I never thought about it.
I probably, yeah, I could probably get a pretty penny for that.
You could probably get a downtown or a house.
Think I could get a downtown or a house.
Oh, it's by a choice.
You could sell them a claw foot tub.
For an auntie?
Yeah.
You think I could change my station in life
from selling a claw foot tub?
What's that?
How much do you think I could get for?
I think maximum $1,000.
I don't know what the market is in Metropolis right now.
Pretty good.
There's a lot of claw, it's a very well art-directed city.
Right.
And how much are down payments on houses these days?
$10, $15.
Oh, yeah, you probably do.
Price has gotten frozen some time ago in my universe.
Oh, OK.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
I could get a down payment.
I should do it.
I'll look in.
I'll look.
I'm not here to criticize you or I'm just here to listen.
You are here to spank me and morally chasing me when I.
Every guest gets a spanking.
And that's been ever since episode 800.
OK.
But if you guys will get there, Hayes and John,
you can start spanking people on 801.
OK.
Here's what happens.
I'm drinking my alcohol.
Sure.
Or I'm about to.
You're Jim.
Yep.
And I'm looking at who I think is a normal looking fellow
walking down the street.
OK.
And then he just takes off into the air.
Huh.
And I look at my bottle in amazement and I throw it away
because I'm like, I've been having too much of this stuff.
And then before I know it, the bottle's gone and I'm not drunk.
And it keeps happening to you.
So against my wishes from witnessing the physical
phenomenon of Superman, I cannot get drunk.
I see.
So now you have a bottle, which I'm presuming has the letters
X and X.
Oh, yeah, baby.
Depending on how strong the alcohol is.
Sure.
With a little cork in it sometimes.
With a little cork sometimes.
You're in the alley.
You see a normal looking gentleman walking.
I got a top hat on.
You have a top hat.
Great.
OK.
And does he take off any clothes or?
Yes, sometimes he does.
Sometimes I'm seeing what I think is a freak.
Walk into a phone booth, just taking off his clothes.
I'm like, oh, boy.
Do you have a phone booth in this alley as well?
Oh, yeah.
Got a phone booth right outside the alley.
It's got a lot of stuff in one alley.
Yeah.
It's a great alley.
Sounds nice.
Oh, it's very nice.
Stern is like a house.
Not a house, it's an alley.
Top hat.
I've got a patch on it.
Do you have a phone booth in your house?
The top of the top hat, but coming off.
Yeah, the top of the top of the hat.
Like a soup can lid.
Like a soup can lid.
Yeah, it's a, you know, I'm a character.
Also, the phone booth is not in the alley.
It's just outside the alley.
Oh, OK.
You got one just outside your house?
Yeah.
Sounds great.
No, I'm not in a house.
I'm in an alley.
I got a little cloth foot tub and a phone booth right out there.
OK.
This, who I think is a freak, goes into the phone booth,
starts taking off his clothes.
I'm like, looks like.
Looks like it's freak time.
Looks like it's freak time.
It's all going down.
Oh, boy.
And I'm shaking my head.
And then he comes out in his red and blue pajamas,
which I always forget is him.
And then up into the sky, I looked out of my bottle.
Is it a bird?
No.
That's what I wonder.
What about a plane?
I go through this list.
Sure.
Is it a bird?
Then I think plane.
Then I'm like, oh no, I remember.
But by then the bottle's gone and I'm sober.
This is bad.
I hate.
This is bad.
But wait, wait.
OK.
So number one, you know about Superman.
Yes.
Yeah.
But we're friends.
Seeing him, hold on, you're friends.
Yeah.
I mean, I've gotten to know.
He, I don't know where he must be in my area.
Where is this alley?
It's in the Midtown Metropolis.
Right.
Is it?
Right by the Daily Planet.
Oh, OK.
Interesting.
Nice.
But seeing him in this context makes you think
that it's the result of.
And also, are you sober at this point?
Like when you had any drinks from the bottle?
I had a couple of drinks, OK?
But I'm not fully toasty.
I'm not fully tight.
Have you had drinks today, by the way?
Yes.
You're not sober.
I'm not 100% sober.
But I'm not fully engaged.
If you're like at least even 25% sober,
I think that counts as sober.
That's what I think, too.
I'm at least 25% sober.
I know more than 75% drunk.
Why wouldn't you look at the bottle, then,
and say like, OK, great.
Like this stuff, like this work.
Hey, yeah, finally, I'm talking about flying guy.
It makes sense.
I should be, I should be happy.
All I can tell you, have you ever seen a man fly?
No.
OK, if you did, trust me, you would be a gape.
You would be shocked.
It is just primally strange.
Most people, I think to your point,
is when you go on any kind of psychedelics, LSD,
mushrooms, fingers crossed, a guy starts flying.
Yeah, at least, you know.
You don't really expect that with an alcoholic.
I would think if a guy stepped out of a phone booth
and was just like walking away,
then I might look at this bottle and like throw it out.
It's not doing anything.
I've had that happen.
I've had that happen, though.
I'll be getting a bottle of my sweet, sweet,
triplet of alcohol and I was thinking about it in my hands.
And, you know, and I'm just like enjoying my day.
And a guy will walk along who I think is normal.
And then out of his eyeballs come two laser beams
and melt something in his hand into like slag.
And then he just like keeps walking.
And I'm like, look down at the bottle, throw it aside.
Too much of this.
And then I've wasted another bottle.
The bottle.
So you're making homemade gin in the bathtub.
Where you sit?
I sit in the bathtub.
I also make gin.
Are you swimming in the gin?
Sometimes I'll swim in it.
I'd like to hear about the bottles.
Okay, sounds like you're going through a lot of it.
Trust me, that's another problem.
I'm throwing bottles away left and right.
But what about like a flask, like a metal flask?
Oh, I've got a flask.
Because then you could throw it away
and it would just kind of climb through the ground.
Yeah, it would clatter.
I got a flask.
I've had flasks.
I throw those away too.
I'll like, I'll just dip them out.
I'll just like turn them upside down
and empty them out right in front of me.
Throw it over my shoulder.
Why throw it over your shoulder once you've emptied it?
Just to like, you know, put a little punctuation mark
on it, let him know.
I am telling God that I understand I've had too much.
Yeah.
How interested are you right at this moment in this story?
One to 10?
Uh, moments of three usually, which is good for this show.
I think that's right.
Honestly, because I got no problems.
And these guys know they're at their 500th episode.
After 25 or so, you kind of lose interest
in whatever the guests are saying.
So, you know, it's kind of like three's not bad for me.
Uh, I think you might have, here's what I...
Yeah, do you have any advice that come on the show
looking for a solution?
That's not what I was going to say,
but I was going to give you my opinion.
Okay, I'll take it.
Because I don't like to give advice,
because, you know, who am I to tell you the way you should live?
You're an accomplished functioning adult.
But here's my opinion.
I think all these different guys you're talking about,
mm-hmm.
I think it's the same guy.
I doubt it.
I doubt it.
And it's, in fact, Superman.
Sometimes it is Superman.
I know that.
Sometimes it's...
Sometimes when he comes out and he's in his red and blue pajamas,
I'm like, okay, that's Superman.
No, but see, I...
Here's my opinion.
I think Superman is not Superman 24 hours of the day.
Mm-hmm.
I think Superman probably likes to dress up like a normal person,
so he, you know...
It doesn't add up to me.
Sometimes there are normal little freaky guys wearing their glasses and their suits.
They're little reporters, notebooks,
they're walking with Lois Lane,
and two little laser beams will come out of their eyes,
and I'm like, another one.
Right?
Yeah, and it turns something into a slag.
Something into a slag sometimes.
Or I've had other times where, you know,
one guy was walking along, right?
And it just looks normal.
Puts his hand up in a safe, which I had not noticed,
falling through the air.
He just catches it with one finger,
gently puts it on the ground.
Guy in his suit, mind you.
Is it the same as the slag guy?
Similar.
Glasses?
Similar.
Similar?
Similar ethnicity.
Which is white.
Okay, so you just look at it,
you're just, you're just clocking the ethnicity and moving.
Is that, well, is all you see is skin color?
I don't know.
Okay, because I don't know that I like having guests like this.
We were in the process of trying...
I had a guest on about three weeks ago,
who was in blackface the entire time.
That guy sounds like a terrible picture.
And I don't appreciate this, a man who only sees skin color.
Well, I reject that characterization.
First of all, it uses the word firewater.
That was bad, but we've moved on right now.
And then only see skin color?
I mean, come on.
Well, I don't think, in trying to identify
if somebody is the same person, I think it's fair.
One thing you might take into account is their ethnicity
or their skin color.
One thing, sure.
One thing, but the only thing.
The main thing.
The main thing, and that's what I clocked.
Like all you see is skin color and walking with Lois Lane?
Because you're checking out babes too?
I think the first thing I mentioned
is that laser beams come out of his eyes.
I don't know if the first thing I mentioned
is his ethnicity, which is Caucasian.
What's your relationship with Lois Lane?
You know Lois Lane by name.
Lois Lane and I went to high school together in Smallville.
I don't think she's from Smallville.
Who is?
Lana Lang.
That's what I went to high school with.
All these L ladies, I get them mixed up.
Yeah, Lois, I don't know.
You don't know who she is, but you know her by sight.
Let me think this through.
I know Lana Lang, and through Lana,
she's mentioned Lois because she's got to be.
So you see a different woman, and you say,
that's the woman I went to high school with.
Most women are the same to me,
and I also look at men only by race.
I don't know.
Look, Kenny Kicks.
What?
I got a problem here.
I want to be drunk.
I had you a party.
You are drunk.
I had on what I thought was going to be a sober man.
We were going to do a Dax Shepard-style interview
about being sober, and instead, you're some drunk guy
who's a racist.
I wish.
And who thinks all women are alike.
I wish I was racist and sexist,
because that would mean I was drunk
if I was being reduced to a stupid.
But unfortunately, I'm still mostly sober.
I'm in at least 25% sober.
I don't know, guys.
Would you ever have someone like Kenny here
on your show, Hollywood Handbook?
I was going to ask if you'd come on.
Yeah, I'd love to.
Yeah, I'd love to come on.
Do you have any credits, or?
Yeah, have you been in any movies?
Let me think.
Yeah, I was in Die Hard 4.
Die Hard 4.
But I was in the DC version of Die Hard 4.
That's where Lex Luthor is John McLean.
Oh, oh, yeah.
Yeah, it wasn't very popular.
Oh, interesting.
I don't know what it was like here.
Well, look, Kenny, this is.
What?
You're wrapping up already?
Yeah, I am.
Yeah, sorry.
But B-Block is coming to an end,
so get ready for that spanking.
Good thing we cut to the chase.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, it's your fault for cutting
to the chase so early.
You're right.
I take responsibility.
Quite honestly, because we could have talked
about a million things before we got to your real thing,
which is being racist and thinking all women are alike.
I don't think that's my real thing.
My real thing is I'm a sober man.
Nope.
You came on to talk about being a racist and a sexist.
Through the bottle.
We need to take a break.
When we come back, we'll have more Kenny Kicks,
more Hayes and Sean of Hollywood Handbook.
We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this.
Comedy Bang Bang, we're back.
Hayes and Sean of Hollywood Handbook.
Hollywood Handbook, two H's, and then you have Hayes,
another H, but then Sean.
It's kind of a real deal.
And Sean with no H in it.
No H, but you could spell it with an H.
Why didn't you ever think about that?
Like, hey, let's put an H in my name,
but just to really fit in with the theme.
Yeah, I've been thinking about it a lot.
Yeah, keeping you up at night.
Well, along with the indigestion.
Yeah, between that, between that, the sleepiness being sick,
and wondering if I should change the spelling of my name
to better assimilate it to my own podcast.
Yeah, it's just been a rough, rough couple of weeks.
Oh, yeah, doing great.
Yeah, yeah.
Ben Stiller, of course, will be on the 500th episode,
a wonderful get.
We also have Kenny Kicks here, who is not sober.
Sober is a judge who's been drinking a lot.
I've been drinking today, but still within the sobriety
of a judge level.
Okay, well, we need to get to our next guest.
Why? What do we need to? Who says?
Well, it's Seablock, and it's, I mean, you're that much a...
Slave to my own format?
Yeah, yeah, okay. That makes sense.
I mean, podcasting is all about format,
and I think these guys know that.
So I noticed you're holding another bottle,
and the just the idea of having to move on to another guest
is Seablock.
Oh, what?
It's kind of making you shake your...
Oh, yeah.
Don't throw your bottles here in my studio.
Never see that again.
I just think you just maybe have too quick a trigger
of throwing bottles away.
I thought you described yourself as an alcoholic,
but I think what you're really addicted to
is throwing bottles.
I wish.
Then in my life, it'd be great.
I don't like to give advice,
but here's an idea at least.
What if you, anytime you poured yourself a new bottle,
you then took some masking tape
and just taped the bottle to your hand.
I'll try it right now.
Gluck, gluck, gluck, gluck, gluck, gluck.
She drank it first.
I think that was the sound of the bottle being filled.
I poured it from my jug of gin that I keep with me
into my bottle.
Why not just drink from the jug?
Straight out of the jug.
It's so heavy.
It's hard to throw.
I like to fit two fingers in the little handle.
It's like, ooh, my wrists.
I got a bottle taped to my hand.
We'll see how it goes.
All right, we'll see how it goes.
Let's get to our next guest.
She's a Nymph Roast comic.
Very exciting.
We've never had one of those on the show before.
Please welcome FIFA Nella.
Hey, Scott, it's third eye.
It's all cut right to the chase.
You look like a tuna can.
I look like a tuna can?
Yeah, your face.
It looks sort of like a tuna can.
Oh, OK.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Is that a, Hayes and Sean?
Is that a compliment, do you think?
You know, the only thing I know about this character
is that they are a roast comic of sorts.
Oh, a nymph roast comic.
Yeah, I'm a nymph.
You can see how small I am.
Um, it's hard to even put more at your mouth.
I'm so small.
I'm standing on top of the microphone.
I'm sure you can hear me.
Can you hear me?
Yeah, we can, you know, we definitely can hear you.
Yeah, you are very tiny, I mean, for a human being.
I'm a nymph.
Yeah, are you normal size for a nymph?
I'm normal size for a nymph, which is about the size
of a human hand.
Right.
Oh, boy.
He ran over to the wall and smashed his hand against the wall.
Oh, my God, he's bleeding.
Never have that again.
No, I mean, nymphs exist, and she is one.
Yeah, I live in a little village.
I'm a water nymph.
I live downstream from the LA River with all my buddies,
and I'm a roast comic down there.
Oh, OK, that sounds great.
So you live by the LA River, which is usually dry.
It's mostly a garbage of the LA residents.
Right, but there's been so much rain that I believe it's just...
Yeah, a lot of stuff is washed down there.
I'm from Metropolis, so I'm not familiar with the LA River.
Is that sort of a nymph-like fantastical...
But you know about New York?
Oh, yes.
New York, I know about it.
It's on the East...
I mean, East Coast guy.
OK.
I mean, you know, Metropolis.
I never...
The LA River isn't necessarily one of the things
everyone associates with LA.
They think, what, the Hollywood sign, right?
The Hollywood sign.
Picture right off the block of the city.
Beverly Hills, Rodale Drive.
Walk Through the Stars, Rodale Drive.
And then the LA River.
LA River next.
And it is sort of a magical kind of fantasy place.
So it's very lush, and there's all kinds of creatures living there.
Yeah, and a lot of human garbage.
Just tons of human garbage.
Tons of garbage.
And you grew up there?
Yeah, yeah, we all lived down there,
just, you know, in the garbage of all the LA residents.
And you know, like I said, I like to do comedy down there,
and I go really blue really fast.
And yeah, so anyway, I just wanted to give you
a taste of what I did, sort of.
Yeah, was the tuna can?
The tuna can was blue.
That's blue.
Yeah, well, yeah, I perform every other Wednesday
at the burlap sack down in the village.
And yeah, I kind of go blast in the slot,
because, you know, like my stuff is pretty intense,
pretty harsh for people, you know?
All right, well, let's get an example.
Do you want a roast?
I'll do it for Kenny.
You can go after Kenny.
Okay, love you.
I've seen it all.
Hey, Kenny, hey.
Hey, by the way, he's poured another bottle.
Look, look, look, look.
Hey, you guys, look at this guy.
Look at this guy over here.
Look at his, look at his face.
Look at this, look at this.
Let's start out like a tuna can.
Another tuna can.
Similar to that.
And it feels similar to that.
It feels like it's working the same side of the street.
I'm, I'm, I'm sorry for your feelings.
I really did.
I've really been majoring for this.
Do you really think my face looks like a tuna kid?
No, no, it's just a joke.
Just look at it.
Hey, hey, put the bottle.
Don't throw that bottle.
Don't throw that bottle.
Believe it.
Whoop.
Yeah, see, most of you were just just with the stuff
that I see around my village.
See, we actually have a really high standard of living down
there.
It's actually pretty nice.
You know, like we've got a really booming economy
and, um, universal health care for everyone.
Child care is taking care of up through kindergarten
to really don't have anything to complain about.
Incredible.
What are your imports and exports?
Oh boy.
Um, lots of, uh.
Let me say booming economy.
What is it based on?
Mostly gutted cheese containers.
Oh, yeah.
You know, I've been thinking about it.
That was pretty funny.
The tuna.
He's poured another bottle.
Do me again.
Do me again.
All right.
Can you?
Glutton for bonus, man.
Do me again.
Do me again.
Do me again.
Do me again.
How about this?
I'll give you some material.
I'm a sober guy.
We don't need to go through your entire bio again.
That's some aficionado.
Aficionado?
I thought you had one.
Had one that fell into my lap, and it happens to be great,
which I take full credit.
Your mouth when you talk, it sort of looks like the flap
of an orange peel.
It does.
It does.
Sorry, my friend.
You're shaking, though.
He likes that.
Yeah.
But I also can't believe it.
Yeah, man.
My floor is covered in glass right now.
I really have to ask you not to throw these bottles.
It's like that movie I was in a sequel of.
Glass?
Dinehart.
You guys would keep a track of it.
Okay.
I kind of remember he taped up his feet so he could.
Yeah.
Okay.
I remember they shot out the windows.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You ever see that movie, Fee Vanilla?
No, I watch a movie.
I don't watch movies, we just hang out.
Okay.
This could be good for Saturday or half-legs.
Yes.
Yeah, what's a movie?
No idea what a movie is.
Yeah, not totally sure.
Well, I mean, Sean, you could probably explain it better
than I can.
You know, I gave it a crack earlier.
It didn't feel super rewarding, but it's a bunch of pictures.
Yeah.
They move.
Yeah.
And there's people pretending to be other people.
Oh, like a film.
Okay, so you know about films.
Okay, I know about films.
You called them films.
Yeah, I'm a cinephile.
Oh, you're okay.
What's your favorite film?
Yeah, what's your favorite film?
The Piano Teacher.
Wow.
The Piano Teacher with Adrienne Brody.
No, that's the P&S.
That's the P&S.
Michael Heneke film.
Yeah.
Wow.
Wait, with Holly Hunter?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's pretty dark.
Like, I know that's the piano.
Yeah, and a lot of piano.
The Marius Zylin.
Is this like with the woman from Shallow Grave?
I'm thinking about my universe.
Maybe I have this wrong.
Okay, I don't know.
Yeah.
Yeah, we don't know.
Anyway, I really came on here to talk about
my comedy club and my comedy chops,
and I thought, you know, I could promote
some of the stuff that I'm working on.
Oh, well, it's like a psychosexual.
Piano Teacher, psychosexual?
I believe so.
Oh, yeah.
Like, when you say like, he goes psycho about having sex?
Well, yeah.
Like, yeah, he does.
He actually goes psycho.
So, why do you like this film?
I will get to your comedy career.
It's a deep, it connects deep to my soul.
Have you ever had sex?
So, nymphs can have, they procreate.
Oh, really?
Do you have children at all?
Yeah, I have a lot of children.
Yeah, of course, yeah.
I'm just trying to mouse a feed down there.
Oh, how many children do you have?
30.
30 children.
Oh, wow.
Any of them want to be a nymph roast comic?
No, no, no, no, they look at me
and they think I'm just a fucking failure.
They think you're a loser.
Roast comedy.
It's the first time you've come blue down there also.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
Say, how are you feeling?
So, I didn't hurt my feelings
because you're talking about yourself.
No, I was just trying.
Failure.
I do all kinds of comedy.
Yeah, I do lots of fun stuff.
You do all kinds of comedy?
Yeah, hey, you want to try being a heckler in my show?
I'll show you how I do it with hecklers.
Sure, sure.
Okay.
That stuff is big now for like the algorithm.
Yeah, like a nymph roast comic destroys heckler.
Yeah, that's cool.
Maybe we should film this.
Yeah, okay, I'll get it.
Put it on YouTube?
Yes.
Okay, so you go ahead.
So you got a season I really mean to me.
You got a season I really mean.
Yeah, so go ahead, yeah, go ahead.
Oh, I'm not interrupting you?
Do you start your shows with first hearing from the hecklers?
No, I just stand there and wait for a heckler to jump in.
Just stand there and wait?
Okay.
Hey, why don't you start talking?
We're paying to see you.
Oh my gosh.
Wow, she's crying.
I didn't mean to destroy her.
I thought it was going to be she destroys me.
I you look destroyed.
I'm destroyed emotionally by hurting her feelings.
So I'm sorry.
Look, Fiefanella, I'm sorry.
All I meant by it is just that we like you should start talking
and we paid to see you.
Yeah, no, it's okay.
I asked for it.
I definitely asked for it.
I definitely asked for it.
Now I've seen everything.
Oh, heckler getting destroyed emotionally.
By the way, Kenny, when she said I asked for it,
you nodded your head so hard.
Yeah.
That women asked for it.
Apparently.
I don't think that's true.
I was encouraging the comedy.
Kecks.
Come on, Kenny.
I don't.
I am a sober man is my main prominent trait.
Fiefanella, I'm sorry.
I hopefully this hasn't.
That's okay.
That's okay.
I'm healing.
I'm healing as we speak.
Good.
Yeah.
Wow. Do I guess nymphs have healing factors?
Yeah.
Totally.
We get it from all the trash we see around the LA River.
You know, just feed off all that stuff.
You feed off what?
I feed.
Oh, you feed off all this stuff.
All this stuff.
Can you give us another example of your comedy?
Sure.
I loved it.
I think you're really good.
So I would love to hear something.
Stand up, Scott.
Sure, stand up.
Yeah, you said you.
No, no, you stand up.
Oh, you want.
Oh, okay.
Oh, you stand up so I can look at your body.
Okay.
All right.
Well, my eyes are up here.
Look, guys, everyone, look at that guy.
You guys, look at that guy.
Look at that guy.
Yeah.
He looks like a sick milk carton.
I mean, but closer.
Yeah.
Closer than a tunic.
I mean, my head sort of.
Yes, he does.
Looks like a tuna can.
It's round.
Yeah.
Well, that's what she said at first.
Yeah.
Words on your shirt, just like milk cartons.
Well, most of them, I just referenced things
that I see in the river.
You know, like anything that washes up.
Oh, I get that.
I get, I get your thing.
Yeah.
Like seatbelts, you know.
Orange peel.
Yeah.
Plastic packaging, cordless ones.
You can cut away from the chase just for a moment.
You're a nymph.
Yeah.
Do nymphs have like magical powers?
No.
Sort of like nature, sort of, you know, connected to nature?
I've heard they do.
We don't.
None of them.
You don't do this at all.
Some of them might.
We're just humanoid.
We're just humanoid.
A horrible stereotype.
Tonight, Tiny, we look just like humans,
except we have wings and we have no special powers.
Can you use the words Jenny Kicks would try to ask about?
Yeah.
Figure out her characteristics.
Well, I don't think that's reducing anybody to something.
How should I think about the race?
Yeah.
Any broad brush I could paint you with.
I asked if she had any magical powers
after she said she was a nymph and had wings.
What makes you different from us?
Yeah, it's kind of intrusive, Kenny.
Kenny, you ever get approached to join that Nixxiom cult
when you were in Smallville?
What are you talking about?
Why?
Why do you think I would be approached?
Because what's her name?
Chloe.
She headed it up.
She felt like a Smallville.
Yeah, Smallville thing.
Smallville.
Very well-presented.
Smallville.
I don't think I had anything to do with the sex cult.
I mean, a group of people who got together
and helped encourage each other to find the best versions
of themselves.
Yes.
With branding and sex.
Yeah, volleyball and volleyball.
But people don't talk about that enough.
You know, it's like, the other stuff was bad,
but they played volleyball.
Jesus Christ.
They stayed in shape.
But if I can kill, they'd be in that game.
Oh, my God.
Be a corner?
Honestly, we'd play in that game.
Honestly.
So, Fifinella, do you want to do another type of stand-up act?
I'm pretty much exhausted.
Most of my jokes are in.
I got a question.
Oh, really?
What are the other comics done like at the burlap sack?
Do we have the nymphs going?
A burlap sack is an actual burlap sack,
or it's the what you call the?
It's the name of the place, and it's based on what it is.
The lowercase and uppercase.
Okay, got it.
Burlap sack, yeah.
And yeah, it's just mostly, it's all nymphs,
and most of them do a lot of like, really.
It's like sort of open mic circuit.
Yeah, it's mostly open mic.
You ever have any humans perform there?
Because like Hayes and Sean,
they're both really excellent comedians.
Ben Stiller came down there last week.
Wow.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
Okay, so he is kind of doing a little tour.
He's out there.
Ben Stiller last week.
Yeah, he just kind of popped in, and he asked if he could.
He went to the burlap sack.
Did he have material, or was he just off the dome?
No, off the dome, yeah.
Wow, he did it.
And did he crush it?
Oh, he crushed.
He talked about the gist.
Well, he crushed a lot of the people.
Crushed a lot of the people.
He crushed a lot of the people.
Yeah.
A little nymph.
He's not a tall man.
Yeah.
Comparatively, but compared to a nymph.
Comparatively, it's huge.
Yeah, yeah, wow.
Yeah, that's a good thing about being a comic and a nymph,
because you're always punching up, you know?
So is there a pathway?
Like, do you see another nymph comics get to like,
the world famous comedy store?
Any of them have an hour?
Or the Laugh Factory?
Netflix special?
The burlap sack has really been pinnacle for nymphs.
Do you have a roast comic hero?
Like, have you modeled some of your nymph comedy
after like, Lisa McMellie?
The Roastmaster General?
Yeah, I really like, oh, I see.
I really like, gosh, I suppose he's from some film
that I've seen, some roast comic.
A roast comic who was in a film.
So that narrows it down a lot.
Are you thinking of a roast that's been in a film?
Yes.
Because did you see Babette's Feast?
Yeah, I'm thinking of a roast.
Okay, oh, that's a very good one.
You're thinking about the roast from Babette's Feast.
Oh, I know of Babette's Feast as well.
Man, does that look tasty.
Four Star Trek movies, and Count.
Okay.
Yeah.
But not two.
How about Ratatouille?
You like, do you like Ratatouille?
No.
Okay.
Do you consider animation to be film?
Because I think animation's not film.
Yeah, that's just coloring.
Yeah.
I can't imagine how many bottles you must have thrown out
when you saw the movie Ratatouille.
I was like, what?
The rat is steering the cutting?
By the way, Kenny, when she just said,
that's just coloring, your eyes lit up.
I think I've never thought about that.
Weirdly, when I said the last factory,
his eyes really lit up.
Is that what it is for the factory part?
For something, maybe like a certain...
Factory at last?
Like stand-up performance that he saw there
that he really was?
I don't know.
Bottle up my tape to hand.
I don't know.
Have you ever tried, have you ever tried comedy, Kenny?
No, no, it's not for me.
I'm more of an interior decorator.
Sounds like you're more of an exterior decorator.
Exterior decorator, that's true.
Outside of the alley.
I'm an exterior decorator.
I'm just a character of the streets,
just dispensing folksy wisdom.
You have not said anything interesting or funny.
I'm howling on.
Or wise, this entire time that you've been on the show.
That's because I'm so stunned
that I don't have my hooch.
If I get like properly sauced, trust me.
Well, why don't you try it?
You're just warranting dispensing wisdom.
Why don't you just get properly sauced right now
and just drink out of your glass that you haven't done it?
By the way, you've been drinking out of all these bottles.
You can take a couple swigs every time.
Little sips, little sips.
I'm not getting all the way there.
You know what I mean?
It's going to take me a week at this rate
to get all the way there.
Do you know a song called How Dry I Am?
I think a lot of...
Okay, so you are a good good song.
Yeah, I love that song.
Okay, yeah.
It's your favorite song.
I really... That one in Sweet Outta Line.
Those are my two favorite songs.
Try some wisdom here because, yeah.
You want me just to dispense some folksy wisdom?
Sure.
Just unprompted?
As folksy as you can do it.
Dumpin'.
That's not very folksy.
Something I'll do like, you know...
I'll see a couple coming down the street.
They'll be in a fight.
I'll just go,
Dump them, lady.
You deserve better, sweetie.
Let me guess, even if they're not in a fight,
you do that as well.
Yeah.
If I just see a couple walking down the street,
I size them up and I'm like,
you could do better, sweetheart.
And that gets a little...
You know, whatever's going on with them,
I feel like...
And then you comment on her body shape.
Necessarily?
Not necessarily.
If it's relevant...
Not necessarily, but...
If it's relevant...
What percentage of the time?
40%.
Has there ever been an example of seeing a couple
and thinking that he could do better?
Nope.
Are you married, by the way?
You have 30 children.
No, no one gets married in Nymphtown.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
So kind of open just...
Probably totally open.
Yeah, we're very sex-positive.
Wow.
How many partners have you had?
I couldn't possibly count them.
Why would you ask me that?
Uh, I'm just...
Yeah, why would you?
I was kind of living vicariously through...
I've been married for 20 years,
so I just...
Has it been just 20 years?
I mean, I'm not counting years.
I think it's in the teens,
but it feels like 20.
Look, I think that we can help you here,
because...
Oh, okay.
Hayes and Sean, Hollywood Handbook...
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.
They have launched a few careers.
We've had some people on who...
Name them.
Went on to be very famous.
Yeah, no, no.
Do you ever have a Donald Glover on?
Childish Gambino himself?
Yeah, that was episode three.
Episode three, yeah.
Look what happened.
Wow, he's a bit back a lot, or...
He's...
You know what?
Got it right the first time.
One of those...
I don't know what to say.
One of those hits is where when we...
Yeah, when we've discussed him returning,
we just go like,
let's not...
Why poison the well?
Yeah, solely the memory of the one...
Yeah.
Great episode we did.
So, look, you could be another huge entertainer.
Like, you know,
maybe these guys could give you some tips.
Yeah, go ahead.
Shoot him at me.
I guess I would say...
You need to leave the river.
You're in LA, which is good.
I was afraid.
You're right.
Okay.
Yeah, I was afraid of that.
You want me to leave my family?
Yeah.
You're not married, right?
It seems like a community that we all do here.
When you come back.
Out of wedlock?
Huh?
You can't love out of wedlock?
I mean,
I never thought about it.
What would a slut say?
Okay, look, Kenny Gates.
You're one of the worst guests we've had.
I don't think that's...
Can't be true.
You've sent a guy in Blackface three weeks ago.
Yeah, look.
I mean, yes.
You're in LA, which is a start,
but you're in a pocket of LA.
It's almost like, you know, when you go,
hey, move to LA,
and then people move to like West Covina or something like that.
Yeah, it's like...
Yeah, did you say West Covina?
I said Altadena.
Oh, Altadena.
Yeah, exactly.
So you got to get out there.
You got to start hitting the real clubs, you know?
Yeah, you know, I'm good.
I'm not from LA and from Metropolis,
but we hear about shows in Metropolis
at Dynasty typewriter that sound maybe like a good level up
from the burlap sack.
Yeah, you think my material is good enough for them?
I do.
The structure is perfect.
Like the looks like area is pretty unexplored.
I just need more different things to have people look like.
Yeah, I think it's that what you're seeing
that people can look like is so limited by your location.
There's a lot of stuff down there.
You wouldn't even believe it.
It sounds like there's a tuna can and a milk carton.
Straw holes, zippers, ziplocs, zip ties, door buzzers.
Yeah.
Door buzzers?
Full dope and milk cartons.
Door buzzers.
Strike anywhere matches.
Door buzzers.
Tweezers, tent poles.
Door buzzers.
Yeah.
Yeah. Strike anywhere matches.
Just thrown away.
Full ass containers.
A lot of very small.
Those are dangers they have around, by the way.
Yeah.
Those are the most flammable things in existence.
Really?
Because you can strike them anywhere.
Yeah.
Yeah, my kids strike those matches a lot.
Yeah.
Do you have any like where are you from?
Crowd work style stuff?
Where are you from?
Because honestly, you only have two minutes of material.
That's another problem.
Which when you're so tiny, maybe that seems like a long time.
Aw, yeah, it sure does.
But wait, let me try.
Let's try.
Is that how it works with your tiniers?
Like you experience time.
Why do you think Jimmy Pardo has written more than an hour
of material in his life?
That's not nice.
Well, hey, scary.
Shut the fuck up.
Where am I from?
I'm from L.A.
Oh, look at dude.
I can't.
Okay.
Ah, I got you, Ace.
Well, Keith likes it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Him?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And Kenny.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
You know what?
I can't remember this guy's name.
Kenny Kicks?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I knew it was something with a K.
Just what you said, hey Kenny.
And then you said, I can't remember the guy's name.
I'm a friendly guy.
I don't expect you to know my name.
We just met.
That's all right.
That's weird.
His name is Kenny Kicks.
When that's the one thing that he doesn't want to do.
I don't want to kick it.
Shouldn't it be Kenny Throws?
Shame.
We don't like pick our names.
Or Timmy Throws.
Or do we all pick our names?
At some age, would we realize our identity?
Is that something that you do?
You don't think that people should be able to change
anything about their identity?
That's not what I'm saying.
Wow.
Kenny.
I am saying that as a matter of course.
Oh my God.
So you don't...
Okay.
So you don't think people should change their pronouns?
Nothing.
Well, I don't.
That's not what I said.
I'm saying that it's...
This is bad.
Kenny.
We usually get the names we're given and that's...
Really, really not a great look.
Okay.
Come on Kenny.
Trying to be on your side, Kenny.
We all are.
We love you because we...
Yes, we love you so much.
We know what the struggle is of trying to suck down Hooch
when there's a man flying around.
Don't turn things into slag for the sidewalls.
Everyone's been through that.
It's not just flying around.
At any moment, it looks like a normal...
If he was already flying on a first song, maybe.
But a guy...
I mean, that's a note for this guy.
Probably.
Walk is to fly first, walk second.
What do you think of me? I'm flying right in front of your face right now.
What do you think of me?
I'm flying right in front of your face.
God, cash register drawer steam bottle.
Why did you say those?
He got...
Wait, did you get...
You know what?
Did you get a horny?
I know.
Because you said cash register drawer steam.
My mouth opened up like a cash register drawer.
No, it didn't.
You just said those things.
But you got a new horny for her flying around.
She was talking about having multiple sexual partners.
Earlier.
I made no impact at all.
And then when she's like, look at me, I'm flying around.
So now I'm wondering if this whole thing with this guy...
I did not get a new fetish.
This is a flask.
This is a flask I got in here.
So you throw away your bottle because you have such a large erection
that you need to tend to.
Why would that make sense?
Why would that make sense?
Walk me through how that would happen.
Flask it.
Flask it.
I'm not flask it.
Are you trying to think of a flasked with a flask pun?
Yes.
I think you nailed it.
Yeah, that was pretty good.
You could probably use that in a stand-up joke.
I mean, you know, I've never tried it.
But yeah, I wouldn't mind getting a couple minutes up at the burlap sack.
Anytime.
Try on this stuff.
We'd be happy to have you, for sure.
Yeah, come here.
It is astounding to me when you fly around in front of me.
That is a phenomenal act.
A kin to Superman flying around the sky.
Did you say Superman?
Superman, yes.
That's the only word you say with an accent.
It's not with an accent, you say his name is Superman.
Superman.
That's how we say it in Metropolis.
I don't know how you do it here and wherever I am.
I think it's interesting.
Anyway, but in a non-sexual way,
I was fascinated by you flying around.
Okay, that was not a rousing thing.
You like my wings?
Yes, I think they're fine.
You want to touch them?
No.
Well, maybe a little too serious.
Oh, this bottle.
Okay, you've thrown away your bottle,
and now you're just stroking your erection.
Please.
I'm just looking for another flask.
You don't need for another flask.
Another wing in your pocket?
That was a dilling around for it.
In my pockets.
In my pockets, I'm looking for a flask.
You're meeting into it.
Oh, are those bottles in your pockets?
Yes, I have flasks and bottles.
Okay, interesting.
Well, look, FIFA Nella, I don't know that I have any advice for you,
but if I were you, I would appear on Hollywood Handbook, episode 501.
I'd love to.
Yeah, we're going to need a lot more guests.
We've used up a lot of our booking.
It seems like all the podcasters here are just desperate for guests.
Yeah.
I mean, it's been a drive here, really.
Quite honestly, I mean, everyone's on strike.
Nothing's coming out.
What, am I going to go down to the picket lines
and interview these people?
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
No, thank you.
Chanting and shit.
Horn's honking in the background.
That's not good.
No, that's not good for pod...
That sounds like the backyard area.
Or invite them in, you know, from the picket lines.
They're outside people.
Yeah.
You know, they're not used to being inside.
Can I say that?
That's the way I like to roll.
And you're an outdoor nymph.
I am, yeah.
And, you know, I wish you luck in your career.
Thank you so much.
I wish you luck in your career.
That's, I mean, hey, it doesn't need to be even that way, but...
It is.
But it is.
Yeah.
Great.
So if one of us is truly lucky, I think the other person will also be as equally as lucky.
Absolutely.
We're tied together now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
With a nymph pact.
Yes, stay on the path.
Is that, is that something that exists?
Oh, yeah.
Shake my wing.
Oh, uh, I don't want to get...
Not like that.
I don't, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Was that, that was very similar to what Candy did with your wing?
How do you mean?
I don't sign off on this.
Okay.
Well, look guys, we're running out of time.
Does that surprise anyone?
Because it's flown by.
It really has.
We only have time for one final feature on the show.
And that is, of course, a little something called plugs.
All right, that was Goddamn Plug by Plug Westerberg.
Thank you so much to Plug Westerberg.
If you have a plug theme, go head on over to CBBworld.com slash plugs.
And guys, what do we plug in?
Obviously, Hayes and Sean, we have the 500th episode.
We have a show, Hollywood Handbook.
It was originally on a network called Ear Wolf.
Or it was originally a different show than we quit that show to do that show.
It seemed very narrowed just talking about reality TV.
Yes.
Wasn't working.
Not something that became popular after us in any way.
And then we did, we were on that network for a while.
Then we quit that network.
And then we quit the network's parent company.
Yeah.
And then you were solo, but then now you're on a different place.
You're on a solo for a second.
Then we were sort of at another place that we quit.
Can't talk about that yet.
Yeah.
Wow.
So the show's doing well.
So please do listen.
We've got a Patreon.
There's a Patreon.
There's a Patreon.
Yeah, talk about it because it's called The Flagrant Ones.
It's called The Flagrant Ones, which is the name of the basketball podcast we host when we talk
mostly about the NBA.
So you're interested in reality TV and the NBA.
How do you find the time?
Well, NBA is like a reality show.
No, it's crazy.
Drama, drama, drama.
Yeah.
Yeah. And a lot of great shows over there.
Carl Tartt has a show.
I would say a lot.
Or a few.
We're not doing like tons of volume.
But yeah, Carl is playing video games over there.
With his nephew or something or his uncle or what is it?
Carl was calling his cousin at one point.
Oh, right.
Right.
Right.
He's no longer calling his cousin.
Oh, really?
Oh, really?
They're not on speaker.
But he is Twitch streaming.
Well, maybe they talk face to face.
I'm not getting in the middle of it.
But he's Twitch streaming some video games.
He's playing baseball video games you can come and hang out with him.
Then, of course, we do Hollywood Hembook, the pro version over there,
which is us without a guess.
And do you guys ever drop the act or?
No idea what you're talking about.
OK, great.
Kenny Kicks, what do you want to plug here?
Let's see.
I would like to plug.
I want to ever ever plug the comedy bang bang book on this show.
I have.
Yeah, actually, I have been beating that particular drama.
OK.
I'm a fan of that product.
Yeah.
I hear there's a typo in the Dream Lord section.
Yeah, in the Dream Lord section.
I bet you it was deliberate.
I bet you it was a real subtle puzzle.
I think that's one of the three typos that we're trying to fix.
What are the three?
There's a typo in my opening thing, which is like a dagger through my heart.
There's a typo in the Harris section.
There's a typo in the Dream Lord section.
Those are the only three that we're trying to fix.
The three funniest people involved with the book.
I would say that, but trying to fix them for the third edition.
Anyway, so I promote that.
And then how about a little podcast I listened to called Screw It?
We're just going to talk about comics.
It's tearing up the comic book commentary world
by two real electric personalities, Will and Kevin Hines.
Yeah.
Just two brothers who just two brothers who are pretty similar
and they sound alike and they really tear it up with their moderate
and conventional takes on comic books.
Where they're not experts.
They're not experts and they're not really digging into or controversial.
But if you want to have your opinions confirmed by people
who have read those books, check out that podcast.
Do you listen to a podcast about comic books and still seeing Superman fly?
Okay.
Now, FIFA Nella, what do you want to plug?
Obviously you have some shows at the burlap sack.
Yeah, every third Wednesday I'm down at the burlap sack.
Every, that's not a lot.
Latest slot, 3.30 p.m.
And you can catch me next Tuesday.
I'm going to be the special guest on the 501st episode of Hollywood Handbook.
That's right.
We did book that then.
All right.
Well, I want to plug, we mentioned that the comedy bang bang book is out there,
of course, that people can still get.
Were you, did you guys write something for that, by the way?
Yeah.
If you're going back into fixing the typos.
If you're going back in to fix the typos.
There could be room, actually.
You want to add a few, but we need to add 16 pages because in a book,
the way they fold the pages, it needs to be in multiples of 16.
So you guys ready to.
Eight a piece, yeah.
Oh yeah, sure.
That's nothing.
All right.
All right.
Let's see what we can do.
We also, I want to plug CBB world.
I have something very similar to the flagrant ones out there.
And if you liked hearing Hayes and Sean talk about whatever they were talking about on this,
then you can hear them talk about the movie Space Jam 2 on Scott Hasn't Seen.
You were our first guests on our second episode.
And, and you perfected it.
So why have you back?
And, uh, you know, there's other pitch for a CBB world show cry freedom.
Hmm.
So it's us telling sad stories.
Well, it's based on the movie cry freedom about Steve Biko or Steve CBB.
This is not bad.
Okay.
I know you're angling for a development position here at CBB world.
And I think you've got it.
Cool.
All right.
Head over there to CBB world.
We have CBB presents and ad free episodes of this show,
as well as the archives of all the shows plus live episodes,
so much stuff over there.
All right.
Let us close up the old plug bag.
Oh, okay.
That was closing up the plugs bag remix with exclamation point by bond to a bond.
I believe is how you pronounce that.
Thank you so much to bond to a bond.
And guys, I want to thank you so much.
Hayes and Sean continued success to you.
I mean, 500 episodes.
It's it is an achievement to do so.
And to do something that long with little to no reward is just an incredible thing to do.
It'll love the game.
That's right.
Wonderful Kevin Costner film.
That is one of the films I know about.
Sam Raimi.
Sam Raimi.
Yeah.
Sam Raimi.
Did you do any other movies before or after that?
That's the main one.
Yeah.
That's the big Sam Raimi.
The gold standard.
And then I think he probably, you know, messed around with some buddies.
Right.
Some other stuff.
But that's what I think of.
Okay.
Wonderful.
And then FIFA Nella always, you know, great to meet a fellow comic.
And I hope we have equal success.
That is, of course, the nymph fact.
And Kenny kicks.
Hey.
Hey.
I'm sorry I had you on.
All right.
Well, I'd love to be back.
Whole energy has changed.
I'd love to be back.
He's drunk.
Here's to you.
Here's to you.
You are finally drunk.
My friend.
And he's actually a really pleasant.
I think we're maybe the best friends that I've ever been.
Now that I think about it.
I like him so much better.
Now that your inhibitions have been lowered,
what are your real thoughts on the races?
Yeah, there are.
They tell a lot.
Sweet out of line.
Okay.
All right.
We'll see you next time.
Thanks.
Bye.