Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Tatiana Maslany, Edi Patterson, Carl Tart

Episode Date: April 15, 2024

Actress Tatiana Maslany joins Scott and guest co-host Bean Dip to talk about Bean Dip’s lawsuit with Love is Blind. They also talk about the future of She-Hulk in the MCU, behind the scenes of the Daredevil and She-Hulk hook up scene, and what Bean Dip’s super powers would be. Plus, dating expert Lothario Lewis stops by to talk about how to cheat on your spouse.

There are approximately 100 pounds of spaghetti on me at this very moment. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Not sure about that catchphrase. Not sure it's going to stick, but thank you to Alfredo Solis Fuentes for that catchphrase. Catchphrase superstar, Alfredo Solis Fuentes. This is probably his 10th appearance in the catchphrase, catchphrase superstar, Alfredo Solis Fuentes. This is probably his 10th appearance in the catchphrase. Great try, Alfredo. The hunt continues.

The hunt continues for a catchphrase that will be permanent, perhaps next week. But until then, we have a great show for you today. My name is Scott Ackerman, first of all. And coming up a little later, we have a dating expert. That's, I mean, I don't need it. I'm fine where I'm at. But maybe some of you out there could use a dating expert

and he'll be here to give us a little bit of advice. But before we get to, also we have an actress. But before we get to them- Oh, ouch. Ouch. Jesus. Before we get to her. We have an actress. But before we get to them. Oh, ouch. Jesus. Before we get to her. We have another actress. Well, I mean, are you an actress, Bean Dip?

I don't know that you've ever. Oh, yeah, I mean. Have you acted in anything? Yeah, that's part of the deal. It's part of the deal? I don't, to be frank, I don't know what your deal is from day to day, so it doesn't surprise me nor does it shock me.

Oh, okay, well I've been in a couple motion pictures, did you ask her? Which motion pictures have you been in? I did this thing called Flowers on the Wall. Flowers on the Wall, is that what you said? Oh, I haven't seen that one. Oh, it's pretty sad. Also they called it, but Don't Let the Raccoons In.

Don't Let the Raccoons In, oh okay, is that about killer raccoons in. Don't let the raccoons in. Oh, okay. Is that about killer raccoons? Yeah, Scott, great guess. Well, I got to check those out. Are they rentable or? I think you could get it all like, you're up here on Netflix.

Oh, they're on Netflix. Yeah, so get your VPN. Oh, I don't know that you need one as long as you have the app, but. Well, for you up here on Netflix. I don't know what you need one as long as you have the app, but. Well, for European Netflix. I don't know what you just said, but okay. European. Oh, European Netflix.

I'm not on European, I'm on the good old USA level. That's why I say get your VPN. Okay, I don't know what you're talking about. Get your VPN, then you can have all the different Netflix from all the different nations. Yeah, Bean Dip, here's my co-host. I wanna talk to you about something that's coming up, but I feel like we should talk to this actress.

Oh, let's talk to her. She's gorgeous. Let's get into it. She played such roles as... Name them all. In order of appearance. In order of appearance. And date of birth and death.

How many of those clones died on that show? Lots. Did they all die, the Russian one and everything? Wow, did you watch the show? First off, she was Ukrainian. That's right. No, I moderated one of your Conicon things, and so I watched everything up to then and had to really keep it straight for that thing and to be honest got a little confused in the middle of it

and I believe you helped me out there but you know I mean everything fades from memory I've talked about that on the show before like it sucks like you watch something and you read something you should be able to remember it forever because you paid for it. Right. I also am like, that's my favorite thing. And then I don't remember. Yeah, you don't remember anything that happened. I mean, it's great that you can rewatch or reread something,

but it's like, no, you paid for this. You should be able to remember every little bit of it. Right. Yeah, anyway, Tatiana Mislani is here from Orphan Black. Hi. Hey. This is Bean Dip. Have you ever met Bean Dip before?

No, but she's, I love her. She does sound like she's covered in a lot of spaghetti. I'm cleaning the spaghetti right now. Yeah, right now, okay. So that's- Sometimes I'm covered in it. Yeah, I mean, you know, it's fun, right? It's fun, except in the summer, let's not get stupid.

Now I have you both on, but there's something pressing in the news that I need to, not you, Tapp, but there's something that I gotta talk to my cohost about. I want your opinion on it too. Do you want me to leave the room? Oh, okay. Do you want me to plug my ears and go la la la?

Boy, this is a real hard choice. Sophie's choice here, leave the room or continue. Do you want me to listen actively? I think I'll have you stay. Okay. But Bean Dip, something happened, you mentioned Netflix. Ah!

And something happened on Netflix a few weeks back Oh. that on one of their popular shows, a show called Love is Blind. Tatiana, have you watched this? I watched the first season when I had COVID. We binge watched the entire first season in one day. In one day, really?

Yeah. Okay. It was one of those like COVID time warps where it was elastic time. It's like 10 episodes, 10 hours. I think we actually bailed on the final episode because we're like- We didn't even finish it. Well, we were like, oh, we know.

And then it was like the recap and I didn't care. I did care. I watched every season. I love it. You watched every season. So you know what I'm talking about. Yes, I know what you talking about, the titty slap. Yeah.

Okay, so on this, not the final season because I'm sure they're gonna make more. Well, they better. If they know what's good for them, they know what they get their money from. But the most recent season, I guess, there was an incident that happened, off camera, apparently, but was talked about where one of the contestants

gave the other contestant a- A titty slap. A titty slap. And then called it by a certain... A certain name that they seem to all think was an actual thing. They all agreed on it. No one said, what are you talking about?

They all went, oh, uh-huh. They all went, oh, okay. So an unexpected titty slap is a bean dip. Yeah. And I heard this and I called you up immediately and I said, Bean Dip, we have to get into the studio. And I thought, well, let's get into the studio, but I'm already suing.

So you're suing, who's in the lawsuit? Netflix, I would imagine. Netflix, USA or Europe. Merriam-Webster. Merriam-Webster's dictionaries and a cyclos. The entire band 98 Degrees. The entire band 98 Degrees. Also the entire band of Frito-Lay for making bean dip.

Yes, that's right. Yeah, get them involved. This is copyright infringement. Copyright infringement, yes. Any magazine that shows bare breasts is sued. Really? What about any woman who has breasts? Well, I can't go that far, Todd.

OK. Todd? Todd. Todd? Yeah, because then suddenly you're suing half or 51% of the population. That's right. And I can't sue who I'm for.

Yeah, exactly. So how is the lawsuit coming? So you're deep inside this at this point. I'm deep. Yeah, exactly. So how's the lawsuit coming? So you're deep inside this at this point. I'm deep inside this, Scott, and I'm just, hey, let me just tell you, man, I'm already so rich, but I'm about to get even richer. Hell yeah. Are you familiar with Laura Musk?

Are you familiar with Jeff Bezos? Are you familiar with everybody that everyone's mad at because they got too much money? Yeah, I wish I wasn't, but yes, I am familiar with these people. Well, I'm fixing to be over them. Over them, so you want to be the richest, not only just woman in the world.

Person. Person in the world. Yeah. Wow. Well, I'm fixing to be that because they should not have, there's an old phrase, don't step where you can't done shit. Don't step where you can't done shit.

Don't step where you can't done shit. Okay, I- Don't step where you can't done shit. Like where your cat done shit. Oh, where your cat done shit. No, no, I understand you. Like I really get you. Thank you, Scott is trying to be obstinate.

I don't think I'm trying to be obstinate. I'm literally trying to interpret what you're saying. Don't step where you can't done shit. Don't step where your cat don't shit.'m trying to be honest. I'm literally trying to interpret what you're saying. Don't step where you can't do shit. Don't step where your cat don't shit. Where your cat don't shit. Yeah, oh, yeah, now who doesn't understand her? Alright. Um, well that's, I mean, I think if you could include Elon and old Bezos himself in this lawsuit,

you could really, you know, steal all their money. Oh, that's a great idea. Yeah, they probably slapped someone in the tit once or twice. If you think they haven't, you have not learned how to read your own thoughts for correctness. One doesn't learn how to read your own thoughts for correctness. Okay, I heard that one.

That was pretty clear. Oh, you did? Okay. Thank you. One doesn't get to be a billionaire without slapping a few titties. No. Right. You gotta grab a few pussies, you gotta slap a few titties. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's few pussies, you gotta slap a few titties. Yeah, that's how it goes, I guess, but they finna get got. That's right. I think I would impose like a tax on any titty slap or any pee grabs. A tit tax? Yeah. Oh, okay. Titty tax. A tap in

the titty tax. Yeah, a tap in the titty taxes. The tit slap makes me feel like the tits are like walls. Like they're shaped like a wall. Well, it's a hand to a tit. Right, but like you're slapping friends. Wait, you thought it was a tit to a tit slap? That's what I'm picturing now like a chest bump. I thought they were just slapping them together, their own together.

No, this was a woman who went up to one of the contestants and just went whoop, ouch. And it was like, bean dip. Yeah. And then the controversy was she told her boyfriend to do it. Fiance. Oh, Fiance, yeah.

And it was one of the factors that contributed to them breaking up because he just casually mentioned it in front of a bunch of people like, oh, I heard that my fiancee bean dipped you. And he was like, I was told to maybe bean dip you today. And she was like, uh oh. What are you talking about? What?

And he's like, ha ha ha, I heard that my fiance did that to you and she said maybe I should do it. And then the fiance is like, I told her that in confidence and it was a joke, you're not supposed to actually like bring it up to her. That's the thing. And then his marriage betrayal I've ever heard of. Yeah, it is.

And then she got mad, unestimately like a person would and then he got extra mad to prove that she was the wrong one. He was a full psycho. Did he cry? No, he just gets like pouty. That guy just gets like pouty. And he sleeps downstairs.

He sleeps downstairs. He goes to cheat with somebody, and then when she's like, were you cheating with somebody? He's like, how dare you, you fucking bitch. I don't know. You're paraphrasing a little bit. But, and then Nick Lachey, he doesn't intervene at all.

He's like, what is he there for if not to step in and go, hey, hey, hey guys, of course it's me, Nick Lachey. They love it. What if you would, you know, each separately take a few beats, you know what I mean? Like he's there to what, just set up the whole show and then do the recaps at the end. Like, come on, get in there and get involved

in these people's relationships. I think him and Vanessa Lachey are there to stir the pot. Yeah. Yeah. I think she's there to go like, aw, when y'all gonna have five kids? It's interesting because I think she was embarrassed to be on the show the first season and she was like actively not doing a lot. And then it became a huge hit.

And then starting season two, she's like really getting up in people's faces and going like, you need to do this and you need to do this. And so, yeah. She likes to shame people. Yeah, she likes to shame people. She likes to go, you need to be on this TV show because of the merit. I also found it interesting how often she negs her husband and she admitted to going to therapy about it and trying to change her behavior.

Because she was doing it on camera so much, I think it caused some friction in the household. Well, it should. Jeez, aye, they're both seem like a lot. They're such good role models for all those love is blinders. That's true. That's what they want to be. They want to be like the pie in the sky,

like, oh, let's be like Nick and Vanessa. But, aye, real talk, they seem disgusted. Yeah. They get into some freaky shit. Do you think that if they got divorced, and I pray that they don't, but if they did, would they continue to do the show, like the Flipper Floppers, you know, the El Musas,

you know, where they were divorced and couldn't stand each other, but they had a TV show, so they continued to do it. Tarek. Yes, Tarek. And what's the other one who's like- She looks like Skipper, Bobby Spring. Oh yeah, Kristina. Yeah, and she has a commercial now where she goes,

hi, it's Kristina again. I wanna sell you, and I'm like, again? This is our first interaction. Yeah, bitch, where were you before? Leave me out of your previously on Christina. We just met, honey. Who's Christina? She's a flipper flopper anyway.

What's a flipper flopper? For my HDTVs. Oh, from HDTVs. What do you want to talk about Tatiana? I guess the flipping houses. You want to talk about books or literature? Yeah. Books or literature. I read talk about books or literature? Yeah. Books or literature.

I read this great book called The Bible recently. Oh, yeah, that's a good one. Lots of flipping and flopping happening there. Cover to cover. Cover to cover. That whale that Jonah was in. The whale that Jonah was in, and that got flipped and turned into an apartment.

That's right. And sectioned off into a bunch of... He was like, you know, it's actually pretty comfortable in here. I was down here for like 60 days. Exactly. Anyone could live here. That's right.

The thing you get out of living inside the well is like, oh, I didn't bring any artwork down here. Oh, but the ribs could be like a gallery wall. Yeah, they could. Or a xylophone. Oh, yeah. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Right?

I mean, there's a lot of like guts and stuff like that, which is sort of like modern art. Totally. The little throat thing could be a punching bag. The uvula. Yeah, you have a gym right there in the throat. Teeth are like toothbrushes. Teeth are like toothbrushes. Yeah, you use one of them a night.

You just have to go rub your face on it. You rub your little mouth against them. Okay, now I was with you until that one. The stomach is like a little trampoline. I was with you until that one. I was with you until that one. I was with you until that one. I was with you until that one.

I was with you until that one. I was with you until that one. I was with you until that one. I was with you until that one. I mouth against them. Okay, now I was with you until that one. The stomach is like a little trampoline. Yeah, okay. When the whale poops, that's your TV. Yeah. It's like, oh, hey, my show's on. Oh, my show is on.

You get a glimpse of the ocean as the poop comes out. You can see the ocean around it. Oh, great, my favorite show. When the poop is out but the ocean. You can see the ocean around it. Oh great, my favorite show. When the poop is out, but the anus is not contracted. Yeah, when it has a prolapse, yeah. You gotta hold it open. You gotta put your body between it. Stick your little head out.

I wonder if you could hear what the brain is thinking too. Oh, you can. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I talked to y'all, I don't know. You can key in, yeah. You can stick your head between all those little synapses. Yeah. You know, they invented the stethoscope so we could hear what, like, the heart is thinking. Shouldn't they invent a stethoscope for the brain where we can hear thoughts?

Yes. Yes. I think it's called your mouth. Oh, you got burned. Off the damn. Why are you high fiving right now, Bean Dippin Tatiana? Yes, Tatiana. Come on. Roast it! We're slapping titties together. You're bean-dipping! That's our high-five.

We're bean-dipping, doc! Tatiana, what do you got going on? Of course, a lot of people know that you were on the television show She-Hulk. Right. Where the fans rose up and... Supported us. And let you know what they thought of you. Oh, I get emails all the time.

I get instructional emails on how to make it better. Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, you do pretty well, you just are not- Great job, but some notes. Love the character, some notes. Oh, yes, some notes on how to make this fictional green Woman yeah more real to them never tell you I got fan mail that was that was like you're perfect for this part

We love you. Da da da da and the photo is of Alison Brie. Oh That's so cute What's what's going on with that show? Are we seeing Jen Walters again? Are you in these new Avengers movies? We need to make some news here. Yeah. Look, honestly, comedy bang bang,

we're in our 15th year here. We have the 15th anniversary coming up in a few weeks. Congrats. Thank you very much. That's cool. But the long slide into obscurity. The long slide out the butt. has begun, yeah, out the butt.

Into the ocean. Hopefully that anus is still open and we can see what's going on, but look, the show is losing its relevance. Right. You know, you got, you know, other shows out there with, you know, big celebrities, the smartless crew, they're getting all the attention,

they get Joe Biden on, you know, it's like, Joe Biden, come on Comedy Bang Bang. You've been asking for years. Talk to Andre P. Neuer. But of course he won't. So what we need from you is we need to make some news. Every time you've been on the show before,

you've made some news about what's going on in the Marvel universe, what is happening. I'm in all the movies. Hey! Hey! Hey! Yes, yes. I not only do walk-bys a la Hitchcock, because I directed them all and wrote them.

Oh my God. But also I've just superimposed my face onto every other character. Whoa! So sorry guys. So you're sort of like Kang, you know, they fired the guy. I'm like, Krang.

Yes, you're like Krang from the Ninja Turtles. I know that's a thing now. Here's the thing. They fired that other Kang guy. Yeah, that Kang guy. I'd put you in the role. You're used to this shit. Playing all these different, like, you know,

doppelgangers and everything from Orphan Black. I also know what Kang is. You know what Kang is. Yeah, I know what Kang is. You don't have to explain it to me. Definitely don't give me any backstory of what you mean by Kang. Cause I know what it is.

You know what it is? You'd be great at it. You know, like sitting around, you play a nerdy version, you play a brash version. Totally. The homicidal version. You got all this on like,

you've done it before. The New York version. Yeah, the new, hey, what about the little pizza? The Chicago version. Chicago version. The Detroit version. You got all this on like you've done it before. The New York version. Yeah, the new hey, what about the pizza? Chicago version. Chicago version. The Detroit version. Oh, those sound a little similar, honestly. Well, there's nuances there that you're not picking up. Oh, I see. When I'm kind of bopping my body up and down. Oh, that's the physicality of it. I'm doing it twice for Detroit. I see. We do once for Motor City. Oh, so it's like Morse code body version. Right. Oh, so it's like Morse code body version. Right.

So you, yeah, I mean, just stick Tatiana as Kang now, and you got the problem solved. And in fact, you could probably just use old footage from Morphin Black and no one will notice, right? Just Kang it up slightly. Yeah. Just Kang it to the side a little. You know, make you have a purple hat.

Have a purple hat that Kang wears and the little green kind of frilly doily thing around his neck. Yeah, he's got a doily thing. See, you know Kang. I know Kang. He's got like a cravat or something. Yeah, and those little heart-shaped underwear.

Yeah, exactly. They're shaped like a heart. They don't have hearts on them, but they're shaped like a heart. But he's probably wearing representative underwear beneath. Yeah. Obviously. If he's the cartoon character that I know he is. Of course, yeah.

For sure. But then you also play She-Hulk. Right. And you hooked up with Daredevil in She-Hulk. I fucked. You fucked. I fucked. And- Off camera.

They didn't, they cut away from that. Was that important to you? But we did have to do it. Did you request that? I did. I was like, I'm method, so I'm like, I gotta fuck everybody I fuck on this show. So you fucked Charlie Cox, the actor you played. No, I fucked Daredevil.

Oh, wink, wink. Okay, got it. So you actually requested, hey, could we turn the cameras off during this? Yeah. I was like, guys, just be in the room with me, but just avert the camera. You can stay here. You can watch. Right.

So the opposite of a closed set. I love a non-closed set. I love a massively open public set on sex scene days. We don't charge. It's not pornography. It's just an experience we're all having as a... Exactly. You know.

So you, yeah, so you hook up with Daredevil and you know Daredevil's gonna be in these dang movies. So like, it would be great to have like one scene where like they're swinging towards, you know, the Beyonder or some shit and they're like, oh, we gotta stop this guy. And then Charlie Cox like does a double take, which he's blind, so I don't know if he can do it.

He does a double sense. A double sense, I don't know if you can do it. It's a double sense. A double sense, yeah, a double here. A double here. A double take with his ears, what Rick? And goes like, it's that checkup banged. Yeah, but I think the problem was that I didn't like lock it down. I wasn't like, we should be, we should go steady. I think if I had been as GF, I'd be at all those movies.

Well I would think that you'd be in the new, the new daredevil series, wouldn't you? There's a new dev-devil, daredevil series. Dev-devil. Now you're playing it coy, I know you're in it. Yeah. Because anytime you deny something, here's my theory, anytime you deny and go like, what? You know about it and are part of it. And then anytime you lie about something, it's not true.

Ouch. You just read me like a book. I read you to filth. You read me to filth. For filth, to filth. I don't know. Near filth. Near filth adjacent.

Yes. Well, this is very exciting. Yeah. Because you know you're going to pop up in one of these, but they may just CGI the whole thing. Can you not, don't you write these comics? Can you not write me in? I gotta write them.

And be like, and draw me written, drawn looking like me? Yeah, I could probably do that. Yeah, let me call my friends at Marvel Comics and see if I can do that. But this is very exciting. Bean Dip, you wanna be in the Marvel Universe? Oh, sure, I'd love to. Yeah.

Bean Dip, what would your like superhero, what would your like thing be? Probably like, if I, you know, like, I'm walking near something that's like all dirt, you know, I could like shoot stuff on my fingers and then corn would grow. Corn would grow? Okay, so you're like the incredible corn lass. Yeah, like I can feed, I can feed any place where they need some food. Yeah, okay, yeah.

You know, all these, all these superheroes, they beat up, you know, poor people who are just trying to like, you know, steal some bread, like, you know, like Jean Valjean's style. This is absolutely taken down by superheroes. Oh my God, can you imagine Batman v Jean Valjean? I was like, Russell Crowe played Javert, he played Batman. Yes.

Didn't he? No, but who plays Jean Valjean again? Oh, it was you, he played, but he's Wolverine. Wolverine V Jean Valjean. That's pretty good. Wait, who played Jean Valjean? Now I'm confused. Well, Hugh Jackman played Jean Valjean.

Yeah, he did, right? And he played Wolverine. Let's get these two in a movie together. Let's get Jackman played Jean Valjean. Yeah, he did, right? And he played Wolverine. Let's get these two in a movie together. Let's get them on a real life street fight. Yeah, first let's just make them street fight. Uh-huh. And then maybe we have some cameras set up. Yeah, for sure.

And everyone watches an open set. Yeah. Won't be hard to get a few GoPros. It won't? No. I mean, it'll be expensive, but it won't be hard. It won't be hard. How many GoPros do It won't? No. I mean, it'll be expensive, but it won't be hard. It won't be hard. How many GoPros do you have, Bean Depth?

Right now I got about 1,600. And on you right now? 1,600? Yeah, well, on my car. Too many GoPros. How do you even fit in your car? Come on, dude. They're tiny.

Yeah, but 1,600 of anything is gonna take up some space. All you need in a car, man, is a place of simple. Where your hands get on the wheel. Isn't it hard to imagine that 1600 pennies is just $16? That's disgusting. Like that can't even get you anything, it's sweet green. No, that's disgusting. Gross, who ever thought of 1600 pennies,

they were that much is a dick. Yeah. That's right. Well, look guys, we have to take a break, but we have a dating expert coming up. Is that this exciting to either of you? I mean, Bean Dip, you're up in these streets. You have so much going on. I need some advice right now,

so this will be great for me. Oh, you do? Yeah, cause my romance stuff is getting a little bit tricky. Okay. All right, well, and then, you know, who knows what's going on with you? You keep it very private. I'm so, so ready to get back on the scene. You're ready to get back on the scene? right, well, and then, you know, who knows what's going on with you? You keep it very private. I'm so, so ready to get back on the scene.

You're ready to get back on the scene? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, great. All right, well, let's- Bring them on. Let's take a break. Let's Terry no further. We'll take a break. And then when we come back, we have a dating expert.

That's right, Lothario Lewis is here. This is so exciting. We're gonna be right back with more Tatiana Maslany, more Bean Dip. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Tatiana Maslany of The She-Hulk Show. Hi. The She-Hulk Variety Hour. And what else? Oh, there was that Perry Mason show.

I did that Perry Mason show. One season. Yeah, you played like a crazy preacher or something like that. Correct. Yeah. Was that fun? Oh, so much fun. I loved it. Yeah. You ever get wet on that show? You know, wet day was just last week. I got so fucking wet on that show. Yeah. When you're a Baptist or when you're a preacher, you do baptism. Yeah, no, I know exactly what you mean. And yes, soaking wet. Yeah, you were soaking wet,

right? That's very exciting for wet day. Wet day. The holiday was just on the 10th. Okay. Yeah. So I bet you were really wet on wet day. I was super wet on wet day. I'm wet every day. I try to wake up wet and go to bed dry. I love to hear that. We also have Bean Dip here, and Bean Dip from obviously the owner and proprietor of the W Hotel out here in Los Angeles. Yes, but not the other ones from the other places. Yeah, that's right.

How's your business going, selling the cucumbers in hot dog buns? It's going great, Scott. I don't know if you know, but we've expanded it. You've expanded to what? You like expanded locations or your menu? More shops and the menu. Oh, really?

So what are you selling now? Well, now we do pizzas that are also inside of buns. Oh, okay. So like rolled up, almost like a calzone? Well, like a whole triangle pizza slice, but it's shoved into a hot dog bun. Oh, I love that, more carbs. Yeah, more carbs, man.

But unless you want to meat lovers, get your protein. Yeah, okay. Unless you want to meat lovers, get your protein. Yeah, unless you want to meat lovers, get your protein. But if you want your carbs, hey, get just a plain pizza with no meat on it shoved in a hot dog bun. Well, all it costs you $14.50. Oh, really?

Oh, okay, that's, yeah. I mean, that's more than 1600, or less than 1600 pennies. I guess what I meant is 1600 pennies is more than that. And it would give you a little bit of change, 150 pennies. Yeah, 150 pennies and your carpet loading, so go have a run of your marathon, you dicks. Yeah.

Uh-huh. You ever run a marathon? Oh, yeah, dude. I've won a couple. Really? You've won marathons. Uh-huh. You ever run a marathon? Oh yeah, dude. I've won a couple. Really? You've won marathons? Uh-huh. Really?

Yeah. Which ones? New York City. New York City? It's always someone from Kenya. Well, okay. Then I guess I'm from Kenya, bitch. Is that a shirt?

Yeah. I gotta get some shirts going. Well guys, it's, you know, why are we wasting time here? You know, you both have questions, we need answers. This is his first time on the show. He's a dating expert. Please welcome to the show for the first time, Lothario Lewis.

Hey, hey, hey. It's great to meet you. How you doing, Scott? I'm doing really well. This is Tatt, this is Bean Dip. Hello, Tatt. Hi, Lothario. Hello, Bean. Scott, I'm doing really well. This is Tatt. This is Bean Dip. Hello, Tatt. Hi, Lothario. Hello, Bean.

Scott, I've been receiving your emails. I understand that you wanna cheat on your wife. You are ready for infidelity. And I am here to help you. Okay, I don't know that I meant for those emails to be public, but- Oh, this is a public thing? Oh, did you think this was just a confidential one-on-one?

I thought we was having a one-on-one, and I see you brought a couple of- Okay, no, no, they're guests on the show, as are you, and these are microphones we're talking and do right now. I thought that was for me to hear you better, so you can tell me what you wanna do in regards to cheating on your spouse. No, no, this is actually a public podcast.

But I was like, Oh, Scott's getting freaky already, especially with all that wet conversation you all just had. OK, tell me it was going to be a couple of years up in here. Yes, that seemed like you were really gone in for her. OK, no, I this is just a misunderstanding, honestly, including what he's saying. Taking that out of the conversation, what type of dating expert are you? I'm an expert in teaching you how to cheat on your spouse.

Okay, okay, well. Yes. All right, well, Bean Dip, I know you had some questions for the dating expert. Does that fit into your parameters? This is perfect, actually. Oh. Yeah. I didn't know you were married.

I'm not married, dude, but I'm gonna commit a thing for me. As you know, like, I didn't know you were married. I'm not married, dude, but I'm gonna, I'm gonna do a committed thing for me. As you know, like, I'm, you know, I date a few public people. Charlize Theron. Charlize Theron, Bobby Cannavale. Yeah. Leonardo DiCaprio. Yeah.

But anyway, Charlize, I want to get back together, but she wants it to be too serious. So I need to figure out a way to like do stuff on the side. So I'm really glad that Lothario's here. Okay, great. Absolutely, I'm glad to be here. Okay, well. And Scott, you didn't tell me it was gonna be so freaky in here.

Oh yeah. I don't consider this to be freaky. This is just normal episode. Exposed brick when there's supposed to be sound being caught. Yeah, I know. You didn't tell me. There's a fireplace going. There's a fireplace going.

I mean, this is kind of a personal- There is tuna fish on the screen. This is a personal residence that I had to turn into a, into a recording studio. Into a free cut. You can call it a free cut. You did say come here today to the free cut for the recording.

Did he tell you that? That's what I got too. Did he invite you? Yeah. I mean, like it's a nickname, you know, but you can't say something, you can't say nicknames are actual names. When I said that I would allow him to take on my services,

he did say meet him in the free cut. And I said, I'll be there with the quickness. It's gonna be sweet butter biscuits when I get there. You did say that, yeah, I can confirm that that conversation happened. But tell us about your process. What exactly do you do? Well, I can show you better than I can tell you.

Oh, okay. So let's say you, a person who has sent me an email saying that you wanted to cheat on your spouse, are ready to start cheating on your spouse. First, we go out and we hit the town. You see a little, yeah, that you like. You know what I mean? I do know what you mean, by the way.

And you walk right up to her, and you get the show going. Hey, how you doing? My name is Scotty D. You know why they call me that? You can take a guess. It's because of my dick. And that's it, that should do it. And that's it.

That should do it. That should do it, really? Okay, well. Is there an answer? And that's it, that should do it. And that's it. And that's it. That should do it. That should do it, really? Okay, well. Is there, and that's at a bar. Do you like going to bars and things like that? Not especially. Where do you like going? Nowhere really, but I mean, if I had to,

maybe a bookstore. A bookstore? Or the local cinema. Hey, are those books you're reading? You know what books contain? A lot of different letters. But you know my favorite letter is D. That stands for dick.

Do I need the music when I do this? Absolutely, that's the only way it works. Do I need to download it on my phone or can I just play it through an app? Definitely download it. Don't use digital streaming platforms. The artists don't get those payments. They get paid half a pennies on the dollar.

Well, I'm gonna be doing this a lot. Quarter, 16th of pennies on the dollar. So you should buy the song. Buy the song, yeah. And play it that way. All right. 1600 pennies. Yeah, yeah, and they might get $16 out of it.

1600 pennies on Hanean Avenue. So, so what I'm- It's where my president lives. That's right, yeah, an address that changes all the rules. According to Wesley Snipes. But I'm sensing that a lot of your technique is just steering the conversation back to the letter D somehow.

Scott, me? You say me like we've met before. And I know your qualities and your- How dare you say something like that? He's acting like Tarik's wife. We're old friends. Yeah, he is. Christina again.

Yeah. Wow. Scott, where else is somewhere you like to go? You like to go to bookstores? You know, I might like to go to a park. A park? Sure. Hey, those kids are playing over there.

Uh-oh. No way. I don't know. I- Hey, those kids are playing over there. Uh oh. Oh boy. I don't know. Can you land this plane or do we need to abort? Excuse me? Abort? Speaking of kids. Okay, no, no, no, no, no.

I kind of preferred it when you were steering everything back to the letter D. Well, you didn't let me get to it. Okay, got it. Go ahead, go ahead.. Well, you didn't let me get to it. You preferred that. Go ahead. Sorry. So you had a park. Uh-huh. Hey, you see those kids playing over there?

You see that barbecue grill tossing and turning all that meat? Yeah. Ooh, it's got some big old Polish sausages on there. You know what those remind me of? The country of Denmark. Do you know what that starts with? The letter D. Okay.

Can I ask you something on that one, LaToya? Okay. I have a question too. I think it's the same one. I'm always down to answer questions. It's pretty interesting because it seemed like we were getting on a direct train from Paula Sausages to D for Dick, but then we went to Denmark and I think there must be a complex reason why.

Because when you're cheating on your spouse, women love wordplay. Okay, but the words need to make sense, don't they? Let's say you need a little bit of, you know, somewhere. Believe me, I know what you're saying at this point. Todd, where do you know, somewhere. Believe me, I know what you're saying at this point. Todd, where do you like to go? I'd love to go, you know, to the mall. The mall? Yeah.

Are you looking to cheat on your spouse with another man? I am, yeah, or a woman. Or a woman, which you'll choose. Whoever, I'll take all the numbers. That affects it, especially at a place like the mall. Okay, well, I'll use, okay. That affects it, so wait, which one did you pick? Wait, why does that affect it?

Well, I think he's trying to get back to the word D and if it's not a woman. No. Then, uh. Not exactly, not exactly. It just affects what stores we in in the mall. Oh, okay. Let's go straight for men.

Okay. Hey, I'm Todd. That starts with a D. S-T. U-V. Vagina. Wow. Okay, can I ask one more question about this? Please, yeah, please.

Huh. Oh wait a minute, I didn't finish that one. Oh, great, great. That must be the thing. Yeah, that must be the thing. Yes, do you have this in a size four? That's it. Oh, that was the finish?

Because you still got a shot. Forgive me for picking your size. I don't know if that's the size you would. It's the size I identify with. I mean, it's not very elegant. What? Me? Yeah, you do.

Scott. This person I just met? Me? Yeah, you. Scott. This person I just met? Me, Lee, Thario. Lee, Thario, Lewis. Lewis. I'm still stuck on what does Denmark have to do with Poland? Everywhere is Europe, Scott. That's true, I guess it's Europe.

Look at those tuna fish on the screen. Why is it real freak dead in here? Yeah. Sure is, man. It's a screen saver, I'm sorry. I don't know, Tab, what do you think of that technique? Does that help you at all? I mean, I'm definitely intrigued. You're gonna be cheating in no time.

Yeah, I feel there's a cheating tickle happening. Yeah. Yeah. Bane, if you had a question for me. Well, I did, I guess I'm a little thrown by, in a must, I think I just must've not got it, but STU before the V for vagina. I just was wondering what they stand for. Suck tight, you vagina.

Oh, it's a question. I guess I didn't even realize it was even an acronym. I thought they were just sequential letters in the alphabet. Come on, you all are not thinking. Suck. even an acronym. I thought they were just sequential letters in the alphabet. Y'all are not thinking. Suck. Cheatingly. I see. So is there a difference in your technique if you weren't cheating on your spouse?

I don't understand. Well, say you were just a single person. Who? Who, me? I am perpetually in relationships. Oh, you are married. Oh. Like perpetually married?

Perpetually married. Like you're a serial monogamist? Serial monogamist. Hmm. Except when I'm cheating. Okay. And how often is that, if I may ask? Never.

I would never do that to my partner. However, you, Scott, emailed me. Okay. I, I, look, I heard you were a dating expert and I just emailed you about like, oh, not for me, but I wanna hear these techniques for a listen. When a married man emails a dating expert, what is he trying to do? He's trying to cheat. He's trying to cheat. I'm not trying to groom anyone, I'm not trying to cheat.

Oh, that's why you chose the park. Hey, look at those kids playing over there. Okay, stop. I'm Scott Alkerman. Stop, no, no, that's not me. Please don't, no one isolate that and make that a drop or anything like that, please. That was not my voice, that was Letharia Lewis. Letharia, can we do our,

well I'm playing Scott Ockerman and you're the person that I meet, that I wanna team with. Absolutely. Oh great, that will help me understand. I love improv. Great. You love improv. Great. You love improv?

What improv have you seen? Oh my gosh, everything. Everything? You're a completist. I'm a completist. Okay, here we go. Wait, where are you going? Having trouble with your music?

What's going on? We need to give them a location. Oh, we need a location. So this is truly like improv improv where we get a location. Could I please get a location? An occupation? From the cheaters. They're in an art gallery.

Art gallery? And do we need to give them an object or a... Yeah, or an overhand style? That's more short form. Oh, okay. We're going long form on this. We can do long form. This will be a 20 minute... Please don't...

I don't know that we have time for this to be a Herald. Thank you. Art gallery. Oh, hey, hi. Man, I see those kids on that field trip looking at that painting, do you? I do see them, kids. Wow. I wonder if any of them have dicks. And scenes. Okay, I don't want to- Wait a minute, wait a minute. Say, oh. I'm sorry. What's your name? Oh, I'm Scott Alkerman. Okay, no, no, that was not me. I don't want to be associated with this. I-

Scott, you emailed me! Just to be on the show! You sounded like an interesting guest. Anytime I get an email, especially from a man, I know what he wants to do. I'm like Hitch, Hitch was based off of me. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh man, you know, that's a Scott Asden scene. Maybe you should do an episode.

Lothario hasn't seen anything. Hey, we don't require our guests to have seen them before. What's the story of it? Lothario has maybe seen on TBS. Okay, yeah. I feel like I've seen the scene where he has a big allergic reaction. What's he allergic to? I'm not supposed to know too many details about these movies before we watch it, but what's he allergic to?

Bees? Bees? That rhymes with D. Bees are shellfish or something like that? Yeah. Yeah. Bees rhymes with D and that stands for? Scotty D. Scott Alkerman.

Hey, is that a bus full of school children over there? No, no. It's not. It's not. It's just a regular bus. Scott, I think you are taking this in the wrong direction. Yeah. Every time I say that,

I'm just making an observation on the surroundings. When you were cheating, the woman that you were trying to cheat with loves to see that you can be visible, that you can see things. So they wanna be able to see me and they wanna know that I can see them? Yes. Yeah.

That you can see them, and then as soon as you see them and they feel seen, it's sweet butter biscuits, baby. Okay. It's sweet butter biscuits. I don't know that, look, but you can see them and then as soon as you see them and they feel seen is sweet butter biscuits, baby Okay, I I don't know that look first of all I'm not the one who wants to cheat and I don't think these guys wanted to cheat. Yeah This is so that was that was with the woman. Oh that was with the man. That was with the man Now let's do it with a woman. Okay, and where are you at? Where am I? I'm not please have a hello. We are Lothario Lewis. Can I please have a suggestion? I'm at the DMV.

At the DMV. Oh, this is a great place to be with women. Yeah. It's where I'm the hornyest. Yeah. Hey, excuse me, miss. I don't understand how to fill out this part of the form. You see, was I supposed to put my previous- I've lived in multiple addresses.

So am I supposed to put all my addresses that I've lived in in the past 10 years or just the most recent address? Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Please don't send me to another window. Oh, you're gonna give me another ticket? Okay. Now serving D174.

I mean, that was so hot. Like the attention to detail. Yeah, a lot of detail. The way that he created where we were. He was really... I don't know that you needed the leap to the number being D174 when D is right there in the location DMV. No, no. You want a double D at all times.

That's two on the tip. That's two on the tip. Okay. Look, Lothario, we need to take a break. Do we? I don't know that these are good tips. What? Not good. Scott, me? Yes, you, guy I just met. We need to take a break, but can you stick around? Me? Yes, you, you. Stick around. When we come back, we'll have more with Lethario here.

We'll have more with Bean Dip and more Tatiana Maslany. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. Tatiana Maslany is here from Orphan Black. And were you in a movie? I was in a movie, Stronger? Is that what you mean?

I don't know. I'm just grasping at straws here. I've been doing it since I was nine years old. Yeah, what's the Stronger movie I've been hearing about? The Stronger movie is the movie I did with Jake Drillenhall. Oh, that's right, yeah. Brother to Maggie.

Right. Not many people know that. Yeah, she ever come by the set and be like, hey, I know this guy. She came by and she's like, all right, who are you doing on this? There's only room for one actress. We had a whole fight.

Yeah, there's usually a one actress per movie kind of rule. Yeah, especially at the time. Yeah. This was pre-Me too, so it was like, slim pickings. I gotta watch that. Who was strong, who was it referring to, him or you? Yeah, it was a fight between the two of us, which one's stronger?

I know you've seen the Roadhouse or whatever trailer. Right. You think it was him? You would think, yeah. You would think. The way he's jacked himself up. But where did you think he learned how to get so jacked? Hell yeah.

Right? From you. She-hawk herself. Hell yeah, brother. The she-shredder. We also have Bean Dips here. Hi, Scott. Hey.

Hi. I like how you say, hey Scott, every time we have an interaction. Hi. Who, me? Yes, I'm talking. When I talk to you, I'm talking to you. Oh, okay. That goes for everyone on the show,

including Lothario here. I guess a lot of us aren't real clear on when you're talking to us. Yeah, no, I am talking to you. Lothario Lewis is also here. I'm talking to him. Hey, what animal is that on your screen right now? It's a dolphin on the screen saver, yeah.

Dolphin, spell that for me. Well, backwards, it's N. Spell it forward. D. Stop. Stop. Well guys, it's time to play one of our favorite features on this show. We play it every week, and this week is no exception.

It's time to play a little game called Would You Rather? The All right, it's time to play Would You Rather. That's on time the frogs, right? We don't like to say exactly, but fair use, whatever it is. Oh, right. My song is not. It's time to play Would You Rather. We all know how this is played. People send us Would You Rather scenarios to our X account.

That's right, they change it from Twitter to X. My favorite website, x.com. And that is C-B-B-W-Y-R, comedy bang bang, Would You Rather. People send us Would You Rather scenarios. I will read it out loud. I will then open the floor for questions. Please do not ask me questions before the floor is opened. That is very rude.

But once I open the floor for questions, you're free to ask anything you want. You don't have to go one by one. You just get in there early and often ask as many questions as you like. That'll help you narrow down your choice. When I close the floor for questions, there will be no more questions asked.

And I'm gonna have to stick you to that. If you ask any more questions, that will really, really anger me. And then I'll go around the horn. I'll ask you which of the scenarios you have picked, and then we'll tally up the points and we'll see who wins. All right, here we go. All right.

This comes to us from Alexander Adrock, AKA at Adrock512. Alexander asks, would you rather be able to make Beetlejuice appear anytime you're in a work meeting or hear the Jaws theme anytime someone you don't wanna talk to approaches before you ever see them? Would you rather have the ability to make Beetlejuice appear anytime you're in a work meeting or hear the Jaws theme anytime someone you don't want to talk to

approaches before you even see them? What do you think? What's work, Scott? Is that a question? That's a question. I haven't opened the floor. Oh, now you're a longtime listener of this show. Oh, my god.

We got to know each other because you came to an actual live show dressed as a ninja turtle. Right. I'll see myself out. Presumably, you're familiar with the rule. We play it every week. OK. OK.

It's been a long time. I've been hearing it. I was excited to ask a question. All right, I'm so sorry I'm gonna have to dock you points. That's negative 371. Bean dip you're at zero, Lothario you're also at zero. All right, I'm opening the floor for questions. Lothario asks, by the way, you don't need to phrase it

like Jeopardy or in the third person. What does Beetlejuice bring to the table? That's a great question, honestly. Look, you've seen the movie Beetlejuice, I would assume? Lothario hasn't seen. Lothario hasn't seen? We got to do an episode of Lothario hasn't seen about Beetlejuice. I've seen parts, bits and pieces. Bits and pieces.

Well, you know, that's a lot like some of the bodies in Beetlejuice. They're just in bits and pieces because of the way they died. But I remember Gina Davis in that movie. Is it real? Yeah, you know. I know exactly what you're saying. Well he brings, look, he's got an irreverent sense of humor. We can all agree on that.

He kind of says the things that we're all thinking that we dare not say, but because he's dead and has no filter, I don't know which influences him more, but he says these things and we're all just like, Beetlejuice, I mean, I was thinking it, but you said it. So he kind of would bring a sense of fun to these proceedings. He would make things float in the air, I can only imagine. And he would disrupt the meetings.

I would imagine there'd be a big commotion so that it's almost like throwing a smoke bomb in the middle of a meeting. Like you'd be able to escape the meeting and everyone would be like, well, what happened to Carl? Oh, who knows what happened? I mean, Beetlejuice just appeared. Who?

Oh, I mean, Lothario, of course. So does that help you? Me? Yeah. Now I am talking to you. Yeah, that helps, thank you so much. Okay, any other questions? Okay, I got a little bit of a question.

If the Jaws theme is gonna play, is it gonna be from inside your head, like you had to have an implant in order to hear it? Or is it like a personal speaker? That's a great question. So is it like connected via Bluetooth to something that you carry around with you? That seems like it would be a drag,

wouldn't it? I'll constantly have to have like... Well, make your bag pretty heavy whenever you're trying to like, maybe if you're trying to run. Yeah, no, it's inside your head. People can hear it if they press their ear up against your ear.

That's kind of cute. Yeah, they can hear it kind of faintly. So if you're ever ear to ear with someone, you know, then. Ear to ear. Hey, you hear that? I do too. Because we're ear to ear. I'm Scotty D.

What's that sound? It's the sound of children's laughter. In a meadow, in a meadowlark. Meadowlark. M-E-A-D. I thought you were getting to meadowlark lemon somehow from the Harlem Globetrotters. That's what I was thinking.

And then you're going to go to Sweet Georgia Brown and from there, I don't know. But yes, I hope that does that answer your question. That really does. Thank you, Scott. Wonderful. In fact, I enjoyed that question so much. I'm going to give you two points. Oh, thank goodness.

There you go. Yes. Can I ask a question now? that question so much, I'm gonna give you two points. Oh, thank goodness. There you go. Um, yes. Can I ask a question now? Uh, you know, just you asking that makes me so angry, I'm gonna dock you another two points. Oh, man. That's 373 in the negative. Oh.

God. Just ask your question, you don't have to ask me. All right. You know the rules. Does Beetlejuice do a meeting, does he do a presentation for you? Like a PowerPoint? Has he prepped, yes.

Has he prepped the subject matter? Is he aware of the company that he's showing up at? Do you have, do you, like, is he standing in for you? Is he helpful? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think the first couple of times, honestly, he's as surprised as you are to be there. And so he doesn't know the company,

but after a while you brief him, and he gets debriefed on know the company, but you know, after a while you brief him and he gets debriefed on what the company is, the parameters of your job and what you require of him when he is summoned. So after a little while, he becomes very helpful and he spends the off hours in that sort of alternate universe or wherever he happens to reside in, kind of becoming very familiar with the company

and prepping PowerPoints for you and everything. So yeah. So yeah. So, and after a while, like honestly, the third time you summon Beetlejuice in the middle of a meeting, people are like, oh yeah, this is Tad again. And so they're used to it.

And so you can just kind of step out and go, Beetlejuice is gonna take over for me now guys. And you just step out. And then I, or lean back in my chair, put my hands up and put my feet on the table. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah. That's a power move, I like that.

Feet on the table? Scott, I knew it. I knew why you called me today. Why? You wanted to hear this woman talk about her feet. I mean, I don't mind. Of course you don't. it doesn't gross me out. Of course you don't because it's not enticing me or anything.

Enticing you, Scott. We'll talk. We'll talk. He did say take off your shoes when we came in today. Yeah, well, it's raining out there. He did not say that to me. I have to admit though, me and Tap both have our shoes off. And when I just took my shoes off, Scott Ackerman did say, hey, get those socks off too, honey.

Look, your socks are filthy though, you have to admit that. Oh, big deal, Scott. I used them to walk in a river earlier. Yeah, it's raining outside and your shoes are bad enough, but then I saw your socks and they're covered in leaves and filth and grime. Yeah, it's a new thing, man.

Have you ever heard of Wim Hof cold plunge? Have you ever heard of health hacks? I, yeah, sort of, I guess. Like, yeah. Well, walking your socks in nature, that's gonna keep you alive and healthy for many years. You might catch cold with wet socks. Oh, get out of here with this 1950s bullshit.

You know what heals colds, Scott? What, what heals colds? Dymatep. What is Dymatep, Starwood Scott? Spell it for me, Scott. Well, there's one letter and then there's I-M-E. What is that one letter, Scott? It's D.

I'm surprised you didn't go with vitamin D. Yeah, Dimetep. It's an unnecessary step. God, Dimetep is delicious. It is really good. Yeah, I've had it for a long time. Have they really? Cause when I was a child, it was delicious, great.

Yeah. Any other questions regarding this choice? Hmm. No, I put probably solid you feel solid really? Even though you don't know about the other themes that play in your head when other things happen you I mean Oh, I didn't know sound well, you're not asking the right questions. Are you I have a question? Yes What's the theme that plays when you're cheating on your wife? Are you I have a question? Yes. What's the theme that plays when you're cheating on your wife? This song actually oh, yeah, is this an option for the would you rather?

What's August this by the way, I know it as the sample that Big Papa uses this is between the sheets by the Isley That's right. Yes, the brothers 1983 between the sheets by you and me Wow, you're beautiful singing 83 for Scott Let's see Scott was 13 years old And I was the best time of his life running around school with all those kids Okay, look, please, I just want to make it clear to the listener, this is not me saying these things.

You were 13, Scott is five. I guess, but I don't have an affinity for that era in any particular way. A connection is made. I sing that every time I play connections for the New York Times. Do you really? Do you just go, Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz or like Baldur's fall. Yeah. Yeah. She's not trying to make Baldur's fall. Yeah, it's like, are you trying to do sound effects

of Baldur's falling? Thank you for that one. I needed that one. Thank you, Chuck. So really no other questions. I mean, the floor is not closing for another five minutes. We're just gonna be sitting here staring at each other. Huh. Okay, well I'll ask something.

Yeah, I mean, look, we got nothing better to do. Okay. If Beetlejuice is gonna come to your work meeting, will he be bringing any coffee? Also, if he brings coffee, will he start to get very, will he get rowdy and disruptive? And will he do some jokes? And if he does jokes, will they be knock knock or will they be regular old fashioned,

hey, three people walked into this place? Great question, Bean Dip. You know, honestly, like Beetlejuice, the way he normally acts, I'm kind of like, maybe we need to switch to decaf, you know what I mean? That's hilarious, Scott. Yes, that's hilarious. Oh, oh, oh.

Fuck. Oh. Fuck, I'm gonna fucking choke to death. Fuck, that's so funny. Oh. But to answer your question, yeah, he does bring coffee. Wait, what was the kind of coffee he brought? He brings coffee, peen, and coffee.

Oh, dang, let's all, did you hear that? I did, he was gonna say coffee, peen, and deely. You got me. Well, thank you for that question Bean Dip. That's another great question. I'll give you another two points here. Plus four. Um, yeah. Okay, so the soundtrack, when the jazz soundtrack plays, is this from an entire orchestra?

Are we talking a midi version of the song? Oh, great question. So almost like it's a like a 1988 computer game, a guitar game or something like that. Yeah, yeah, it's like a truncated sort of. Do, do, do, do. Right. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

Yeah. Yeah, that would be cool. The jazz soundtrack. Yeah. Or is it John Williams full. The Jaws soundtrack. Yeah. Or is it John Williams full orchestra? It's actually you have a tiny John Williams inside your skull conducting it with an even tinier orchestra.

Does he take requests? Yeah, he does. Oh, wow. But only songs he's written. Oh. So you can do like the Superman theme, the can you read my mind? Oh, you have a beautiful voice too.

Bean Dip and I, we both have beautiful voices to you. I can read your mind. Tell me who's on top of your brain. Answering the musical question, can you read my mind? Bean Dip with I can read your mind. So does that help you narrow down your choice? Yeah, yeah. I'm getting close.

I'm going to dock you another three points. Oh, God. You're negative 376. Dang. Is a Beetlejuice from Michael Keaton's or is a Beetlejuice from Howard Stern's? Oh, oh, you thought it was the Michael Keaton one? No, it's the Howard Stern one. Oh, okay, good to know.

Good to know. I've got another question. Yes. Is Beetlejuice butt naked? Hell yeah, brother, of course he is. Well, you think I'm gonna bring Beetlejuice to a meeting and not make him be butt naked? Especially the one from Howard Stern?

Yes, of course. Of course, yeah. The private parts post it. Yeah, of course. Of course, yeah. The private parts post it. Yeah, of course. Great question, great question. I'm gonna give you one point for that, Lothario. Sweet. So, the score right now is, Bean Dip, you're in the lead with four.

Great. Lothario, you have one. Please, please, please, please, please. Tat, you are negative 376 at this point. Oh, crap. Give Tat my four. Okay. Oh my God, Bean Dip.

We can do that. Great. So negative 372, Bean Dip, that puts you at zero, but just because you did that, I like your style, I'm gonna give you another four points. Oh man. Bean Dip, that's so generous of you, it's like you're deliberately.

Are you emphasizing the D? Helping me out. Oh, Lasario! Is she coming for me, little Dario? Actually, Scotty D, give Tot my one. Oh, okay. Bringing her score to what? To 371 in the negative. No, no, no, wait. Because she was at 374. And then she got four from Bean Dip. That puts her at 370. No, she was at minus 376. Give him back one of my points.

Yeah. What do you want her to get to? Give him one of my points. That's going to help trigger whatever you want to do. Scott, I think you know what I wanted to get to. I don't, really. I wanted to get to 370. Okay, so I'm going to-

Area code 370. Okay, so I'm gonna- Area code 370. Do you know what area code 370 is? I don't. 69. Where is area code 370? 370 is the Lithuanian country code. That's what I'm talking about. And it is dialed after I-D-D.

What? Look, I've been on board with most of these. You know where Lidiana is close to? Denmark. I guess. All right, I've closed the floor for questions. The five minutes has elapsed. I'm so sorry if you have any more questions,

we're not gonna get to them. I'm very, very sorry. Currently the score is, we have Bean Dip at four points. Lothario, you have zero, you were, actually you have minus one because you wanted to give Tat another one. No, I only had one.

You had one, but then you gave her one. Yes, it. Which got her to 371, but you wanted to get her to 370, so I took another one away from you. Oh, fair enough. So, but, uh, Tad is at negative 370. Uh, so I'm gonna, uh, ask you for your choices and why, uh, let's go around the horn. Let's start with, uh, Tatiana, what, uh-

I'm going straight with Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, because I want to see that little wet butt shaking its little business body. It's BB. It's a little BB in a meeting. All right. Great. So we got Beetlejuice. All right.

Bean Dip, how are you voting? I got to go for the John's thing, because I really appreciate when I found out it's a real life John Williams orchestra. And by the way, he never dies in this scenario. Obviously, Scott! So he should be happy about it. Right.

So he gets to live on and I think it's cool you can request anything from him. So I'd love to have a soundtrack day every day, good night. Yeah. All right. And Lothario, how are you voting? I'm going to go with Beet day every day, goodnight. Yeah, all right. And Litharia, how are you voting? I'm gonna go with Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Because D like cum and me want to nut. Pfft.

I mean, cum is already in that. You didn't need to just change it. D like cum and me want go nut. Okay, all right. D like cum and miwango nut. Okay, all right. Um, all right, well, uh, Bean Dip, I'm so sorry you did not pick the right answer. Oh, crap. Jaws is incorrect.

That's okay. So, uh, uh, because you both picked the right answer, you both get one point. So that, uh, takes you, Lothario, that takes you to zero. Bean Dip, you have four, which means you're a winner and Tapp, that takes you to three, what? 69. That's right. Thank you, baby.

You're not gonna start the music on that? For what? You've never done that, my man? For what? He only does letters not, you know. That's gross. Yeah, don't be gross, Scott. All right, I'm sorry.

I would have never answered your email to cheat on your wife. I knew you were going to be disgusting about it. Well, that is, of course, how we play a little game called Would You Rather? The The All right, good game guys. That was exciting. Beedip, you know, honestly, when you voted Jaws and I knew it was the wrong answer, I was like, boy, the other two are going to pull it out. Well, that's good. I think that's the wrong answer. I was like, boy, the other two are gonna pull it out. Well, I think that's great for them.

I think it's, honestly, I think it's very sad that you are sort of worried about, oh, they're gonna pull it out, or somebody's gonna lose. It just shows deep, deep jealousy. Well, I mean, you won in the end, you know? They weren't able to make up the chasm. How deep is that jealousy?

Oh, boy. That's it? Okay. Well guys, we are running out of time there. We only have time for one final feature on the show and that is a little something called Plugs. It's very easy to mix those two things up because they have very similar purposes. One was to feed Africa and one was to brag

about how they're gonna win the Super Bowl. Open the black bag, please. All right, boy. Illithario, you found that very funny. I rather enjoyed that. That was, of course, based on the conversation we had with Jermaine Fowler a few weeks back when he revealed that he always got We Are the World confused with the Super Bowl shuttle. And that was We Are the World Champion Chicago Bears by Chris Finke. Thank you so much to Chris. Great plugs theme.

And guys, what are we plugging here? Tad, what do you have here? I'm plugging my demo reel. Oh, cool. For future employment. Yeah, oh great, what's on your demo reel? And who edited it? Who edited it?

I had a professional editor do it. That's so awesome. Yeah, collected all the work I have been up to lately. So like every line you've ever spoken on any show? Every line I've ever spoken, quick cuts. Duh duh duh duh duh. And it's alphabetized so that, you know. Have you ever thought about, like, if you really did that and just took, like,

you did five seasons of Orphan Black, you did one season of that Perry Mason, you did a few movies, apparently one called Stronger. Right. And then you did 10 episodes of She-Hulk or so. Like, if you just edited together every line you've ever done. Yeah. And just did it really ever done, like, and just did

it really quickly where like there's no pause in between the lines, like, and it probably would come out to like maybe 90 minutes. And that's the summation of your life and your work. Wow. Okay. Yeah. Um, you know what I mean? It almost doesn't seem worth it.

Yeah. I'm going to retract the demo. Um, there's other careers I'm going to retract the demo. There's other careers I'm kind of interested in like maybe pursuing at this point. Yeah, you sort of have like a lab coat on or something like that. That's what my husband said as I was leaving. I was like, what am I serving today? He said lab coat sheet. You look sort of like, you know, beaker on the Muppets. He said- And the coat is not helping.

No. And these v is not helping. No. And these vials that I have? Yeah, well that's a big- These bubbly vials? That's a big part of it. Yeah, I'm gonna go into science. But look, you're available to be cast in things. Are you still offer only

or is the work thinned out so much that you're- Oh no, oh no. You're going out and auditioning? Yeah, my coat has gone down. The only quote I've got is, give me a job. Well, that's great. I mean, you're available. This is the thing.

More people need to come on here and be honest about the fact that they need work. This is a great platform. People who cast things listen to this show. So like, you know, you're an Emmy award winning actress. Like let's put you in shit. You know what I mean? Thank you, Scott. an Emmy award winning actress. Like let's put you in shit. You know what I mean? Thank you, Scott.

Thank you for saying that. You're one of the great treasures of American cinema and television. That's true. That is delightful to hear. You're again stressing D. What? No, I'm not.

You mentioned your husband. Is that the one you're gonna cheat on? Probably out of all of her husband's says probably. Is that the one specifically that you're gonna cheat on? Out of all of her husbands, that's probably... Is that the one specifically that you're going to cheat on? Or is it one of the others? I haven't decided. Gotcha. I can't say D.

I don't know what you're talking about. Bean Dip, what are we plugging? I'll plug some stuff in front of my... Oh yeah, great. You've talked about a friend you have on other shows. Yeah, I got this friend, Edie, I say, watch Edie is her name. But what's the last syllable in that? Oh yeah, D baby.

Uh-huh. Okay, great, yeah, just a nod to it. That's all I wanted. Yeah, so Edie Patterson is here. You can watch all the seasons of The Whiteest Gemstones on Max. The Whiteest Gemstones? The Whiteest Gemstones you dig! Whiteest, yeah, that's right.

That's right. Right now there's how many seasons? There's two seasons, right? There's three on max right now. There's three on max right now? Uh-huh, we're gonna go into filming our fourth one in the summer. Oh, that's so exciting. Yeah, that's exciting.

I mean her. Yeah, of course. Yeah, that bitch, she's about to get into it. Or watch, if you'd like, I did, she, you called me Twister Scott. I'm so sorry. If you like shows like Resident Aliens, she did some of those, that's all right now.

I think on Syfy. I don't really know, cause I don't know her life. That's cool as hell though. Yeah, that's a cool show. It's cute and heartwarming. I'll say you got that, or she has that role in that Knives Out movie.

That's right. Yeah, where she plays a very frightening person. Hey, people are trying to rent movies right now, Scott. People like to watch things from TV. Yeah, well, I mean, I think you could watch that on TV, probably. Oh, okay, well, in that case, go for it. Yeah, why not?

Yeah. And no spoilers, but she's dead halfway through. You can just turn it off. Yeah, you could turn it off after she's dead. That's true. Lothario, what do you wanna plug? More about what do you wanna plug? Another woman that is not your wife, cause that is why you emailed me, Scotty D.

I did, again, you're just my producer in fact. I didn't even email you. The producer emailed you to be on the show, but... And the producer said you needed some help. And I'm here to help you, Scotty. Help, meaning I need to kill time on this talk show that I do, but- But other than that, you can listen to some other podcasts, like The Flay Group Wands, patreon.com forward slash The Flay Group Wands, a basketball show hosted by Carl Tartt, Hayes Davenport, and Sean Clements. I have a question. Do they ever drop the act?

I still don't know. Also, listen to Fools Balls, hosted by Carl Tartt, Greg Galant, and Ryan Mahary, a football podcast. Find it wherever you get your podcasts. Ooh, you can also watch In the Gnome, In the Gnome, on Peacock. Yeah, that's two of them right there. Peeing and cocks On Peacock. Yeah, that's two of them right there, peeing and cocks. Peacock. Yeah.

Hey girl. That's the end of your plug. Beautiful voice too. Oh my God. Wonderful. Look, I wanna plug, hey, we talked about it last week on wet day, but the Comedy Bang Bang Tour, 15th anniversary tour, the Bang Bang Into Your Mouth Tour,

we're coming out to a town near you. And if you don't live in a town near these places, you better pack your shit and move to one because we are coming by. Starting June 13th, we're coming out there and we're going all across North America, so many cities all the way through August 18th. And we hope to see you.

If you want more information and I'm not quite sure when tickets go on sale. They might be on sale today or maybe they went on sale Friday. I'm not quite sure. Go to cbbworld.com slash tour and we'll have ticket links up there for you. Going to so many cities, Boston, Brooklyn, Philly, Washington DC, Atlanta, Arizona. We're finally hitting Arizona, San Diego, Salt Lake City, never been there,

Denver, Austin, Dallas, Toronto, Royal Oak, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Indianapolis, Chicago, Madison, St. Paul, Sacramento, Oakland, Portland, Seattle, Vancouver, so many places. Come out and see us. It's Paul F. Tompkins and I on every show and then the Comedy Bang Bang players,

all stars will be there. We'll have a really good shows. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Busses. ["Busses"] Now what kind of music is this? Dr. Vinnie Boombot. Listen to this, will you? I mean, where are the flutes?

Dr. Vinnie Boombot. Somebody please close the damn vlog back. Okay, that was Dr. Vinnie Boombats by Randy Smith. Thank you so much for that plug remix. If you have a plug theme remix or an opening the plug bag theme, go to cbbworld.com slash plugs and leave it there and you can be famous for a week. And Randy Smith and Chris Finke, you are famous guys. I want to thank you so much.

Tat, so good to have you. So guys. I want to thank you so much. Tat, so good to have you. So great to be here. Thank you so much. Good luck in your quest for fame. Thank you. I hope that someone casts you in something and it finally hits that sweet spot of popularity as well as critical acclaim. That would be a delight. Yeah, a delight. That's right. You're doing this on purpose, and honestly, Letharia was asleep at the switch.

He's fumbling with his iPhone right now, trying to get back to the theme, I don't know. Before he does, Bean Dip. Yeah, I was taught. Roov is in the heart? D-Lite. Oh, okay, okay, okay. I understand what you're saying.

That's the way I was actually spilling out my bag, made me feel, satisfaction of all return, satisfaction of what's to come. You're a good rapper too. I'm nice. Wow. Amazing rapping voice. Beendip, great to see you.

Thanks for clearing up the love is blind situation because I mean, honestly, they can't get away with this shit. No, they can't go to like put my name with something that was not nice. Yeah, I mean, you something that was not nice. Yeah, I mean, you've titty slapped people. Of course I am, Scott, it's a daily occurrence.

And you call it a bean dip. Yeah, I call it a bean dip, but they can't. That's right, copyright. Hey, mess around with something that belongs to somebody else, you're gonna get, you're gonna fall on the plant. Are you sure that maybe that, you know, this person who titty slapped someone

and called it a bean dip wasn't like, it's like six degrees of separation from you titty slapping one of their friends or something? Well, it could be, you know, it might be Scott, cause I am a sister-in-law with Vanessa Lachey. But. But. Wait, your sister is married to? My brother is Nick Lachey.

What? We have never talked about this, I swear. So me and her are sister-in-laws. So maybe. You're one of the, your other brother is the other Lachey from 98 Degrees? Uh-huh. I didn't know they had an untalented sister.

Come on. You know what? I'm gonna take your hoodie, put it over your face. Don't bean dip me, please. I'm gonna turn it around, lift it up, bean dip you, shove your hoodie right up your butthole, make your hoodie come out your mouth and then bean dip you again.

Oh no, this isn't sexy, Lothario. This is a threat. Lothario, great to have you on the show. Thank you for having me, Scott. And I know our one-on-one isn't done This is a threat. Lethario, great to have you on the show. Thank you for having me, Scott. And I know our one-on-one isn't done because we haven't gotten to accomplish what we came here for. What do you think that we're here to accomplish?

Scott, I don't want to say it again. You emailed me. I did, but again, I don't think I'm going to go out there and cheat on my wife, but I thank you for being here. I appreciate, for all of those out there who want to do that, Ashley Madison, I, you know, again, I don't think I'm going to go out there and cheat on my wife, but I thank you for being here. I appreciate, for all of those out there who want to do that, Ashley Madison, I think they, as far as I know, went out of business. I wouldn't know. I never set up a profile.

Ashley Madison. Oh, that was the cheating website. You're the only one who remembers that. I mean, it rose to fame because, nevermind. All right, we'll see you next time. Thanks. Yeah, do you want to play the theme again? We'll see you next time on Comedy Bank.

OK, please. No. Comedy Bank. Oh, no. All right, we'll see you next time. Thanks, bye.