Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Tony Hale, Paul F. Tompkins, Erin Keif

Episode Date: July 22, 2024

TV star Tony Hale joins Scott to talk about his new Netflix show The Decameron, memory, and tries to guess the character names for his previous acting roles. Then, bon vivant Woolly Doorgosh stops by to talk about his daily schedule and remembering all his flings. Plus, dying woman Shirley Macadamia drops by to share tips on how to get nurses to quit.Get tickets for the Comedy Bang! Bang! Into Your Mouth Tour 2024 over at https://CBBWorld.com/tour

Comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang bang. Winner winner chicken dinner. No thanks, I prefer eating people. Come and eat bagpine, come and eat bagpine. Winner winner chicken dinner, no thanks I prefer eating people. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Thanks to Robot Jones for that catchphrase submission. I don't know, I don't think it's gonna stick. Winner winner chicken dinner, no thanks I prefer eating people. Too hard to say, make them easier to say. Make them, let's start having one word catchphrase submissions. That would be fun.

Just one syllable word catchphrase submissions. Well, thanks, Robot Jones. Unfortunately, not gonna stick. The hunt continues. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. My name is Scott Aukerman. This is very exciting. If you've been with us for the past three weeks,

you know we've been in our special July month episodes. Those are episodes that take place and are recorded within the month of July and they're released within the month of July, coincidentally. They are July episodes. Not necessarily the content within them referred to July, but they are definitely episodes that have been recorded in July. So this is very exciting because this is our fourth one, fourth one of the series, fourth of five, I believe. And what more needs to be said about July month? I don't know, I can't think of anything else

to say about July month. Are you asking me? Come on, Tony, help me out here. It's my wife's birthday. Your wife's birthday is when? July 17th. Oh, so close to mine. Oh, what's yours?

Two, my dear fellow. It's past. It is past. Aw, did you have a nice one? I had a great one. Did your wife have a nice one? Well, it's today, so we'll see. Oh, okay, not to tell tales out of school, but we are

Recording this on your wife's birthday on my wife's birthday where your wife and children sleep Exactly line from the godfather. Oh, and I might have just picked her up. It's called like a Rollo or something not the candy you picked her up a rolo bar for her birthday? I got her a pack of Rolos. No, it's like a chocolate cake with peanut butter icing in the middle. Oh, that sounds great. I know.

So are you heading straight from this to, and I'll introduce you in a second, heading straight from this to the celebratory dinner where this rolo cake will be trotted out? No, I have to kind of go right, I think I don't want it to melt because it's getting a little warm. Is it in your car right now?

No, it's not in my car. So I'm gonna go there after it pick it up and it's a little bit of a surprise. Okay, I hope she doesn't listen to this before eating the cake. She might jump into the future. You never know. You never know.

Is she a time traveler? I've never asked about that. Oh man. I usually take it as a given that someone is not, but I guess I should check. How dare you? You never know man. Wait, are you a time traveler, Floaty?

Listen, let's not get into it, but do not limit people. Okay, okay, very sorry. Let me introduce you. Stars are back on Comedy Bang Bang. Oh man, the biggest. We had COVID, we had the strike. No one was allowed to come on here. I thought you meant to say Conan.

We had Conan that put a dent in. He's taken all the stars for his podcast. Have you done his podcast? A long, a long time ago. A long, long time ago. I was on Conan's podcast. I will be your backup any day. That's a real podcast unlike this one.

Oh, stop it. You guys, you were just telling me about your tour and how you were just like flooding the seats. We're flooding the seats. There's not a dry seat in the house, but let me introduce you. Stars are back. We're no longer limited to authors or podcast hosts.

We have a real TV star here on the show. Are you a movie star too? You've been in movies. I've been in them. I show. Are you a movie star too? You've been in movies. I've been in them. I don't consider myself a movie star. Those are like fancy people. They got their own trailers. I'll tell you what, there is one movie

that you are the star of that gets a lot of play in this household, which was Toy Story 4. Oh yeah. You play Forky. Forky, and you know what I'd love to do, cause your little one's name is what? Emmy. Emmy. I'll do a little voice memo to Emmy play Forky. Forky, and you know what I'd love to do, cause your little one's name is what? Emmy. Emmy, I'll do a little voice memo to Emmy from Forky.

Why, she would love that. On your phone, but you can't tell her it's a human. Okay, I'll put it. Cause she's in that place where like Forky's totally real. Yes, I'll put a picture of Forky and sync it to that. Exactly. Why isn't it's mouth moving? She does the Forky-esque question, she does the-

Oh yeah. I don't know. I don't know. Along with you. Yes, yes. So that's very cute. Oh, I'm excited. I'll do that after this. I love that.

Okay. Thank you very much. Um, but, uh, people know this gentleman, he burst onto the scene with a shelved MCI ink commercial. Wow. Where he got his Saggard. It was shelved. And I invited, I told all my relatives, everybody to watch, it's coming, it's coming. Just to watch TV in general?

Just to watch TV in general. The MCI commercial's coming and they cut it. And it never aired. What happened to it? I don't know, but I had a devil and an angel on my shoulder telling me to not get MCI and get MCI. Do you remember MCI from those long time ago? I don't, I guess the Devil One?

Devil One. And it never ever aired. And speaking of Conan, I guess the Devil One? Devil One. And it never ever aired. And speaking of Conan, I remember doing a bit on his show where I was playing Jeffrey Rush. They were doing a take on like the movie Shine. And I made all my relatives stay up till like 11 p.m. And they cut that too. They cut that too.

And it was a lesson of like, you know what, until it comes out, speaking of Forky, I didn't know I was, it wasn't until I heard my voice in the trailer that I told people. Really? Yeah, cause you never know, like they can just kind of swap you out. Yeah, it could be like a Morbius situation

where everything in the trailer ended up not being in the movie. Oh really? Yeah, you just never know these days. Oh man, I need to go watch that. You need to go watch Morbius? Do you want to pause the podcast right now? We'll watch it and come back. Okay, well we're to go watch that. You need to go watch Morbius? Do you wanna pause the podcast right now and we'll watch it and come back?

Okay, well we're gonna take a break. I'm not as informed. We'll be right back and watch Morbius. We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Bum-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Oh, oh, oh, yeah. I was just excited to be here. I don't know what people were talking about. It's so funny. I wanted to spend the time watching Morbius, but I just couldn't stop being excited about being here. Especially on your birth, on your wife's birthday, rather, watching Morbius.

But I like to call it my birthday. The day she was born was sort of the day that you were born, in a way. Yeah, we're one. He burst onto the scene, of course, playing Buster in Arrested Development, and then segued from that seamlessly and with ease over to the show Veep, where he won two Emmy awards.

Where do you keep those things? They were in, they're in the kitchen. They're in the kitchen? Yeah, they're in the kitchen. Do you use it as like a pasta strainer? What? Listen, I don't like to say, but it's, it was a hard, you kind of like, where do you, you know,

because you don't want to, I don't know, you don't want to like showcase or seem like a douche. Does it seem unfair that you and I have the same amount of enemies? Well, not at all. I just see them up there. I love that, okay, by the way amount of Emmys. What? Not at all. I just see them up there. There they are. I love that, okay, by the way, I love that I just said, I don't like this showcase,

and it seemed like a douche and hello. Well, this is my office, I don't know. Didn't start out as a studio. It's a beautiful space, by the way. Thank you very much. He won the Emmys for Veep, and now he is in a new show on Netflix, premiering this Thursday called The Decameron.

We're gonna talk at length about that. Even though I have not seen it as the Netflix screener system is impenetrable. Got all the way through and then as I press play, what's your pin number? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm out. Yeah. I put as then as I press play, what's your pin number? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm out. Yeah.

I put as much as I could in there. I put 69, 69. They didn't send you a pin number? And that's where I ran out of ideas. They did not give me a pin number. Oh, come on. But please welcome Tony Hale. Hi, Tony.

Hi, thank you for having me. Wonderful to have you on the show. It's really good to be here. I was just saying I love being around funny people. Yes. They made a whole movie about it. They made a whole movie about it. Adam Sandler.

Called Funny People. Seth Rogen. That's right. That's right. It's like, hey, we should be filming this. Funny people too. I just think you guys are really funny. Thank you very much for being here. And really nice.

Oh, thank you. Which is sometimes not a combination you get. I have always felt like you're one of the nicest people in show business. We probably, was the first time we met, was the first time you did the Comedy Bang Bang TV show? I can't remember. Or did I just see you around at parties?

I think I saw you around, but I, that, we were just talking, that was about eight years ago, which seems insane. Yeah, I think 10, the first time you were on it, where you did a little bit. Yeah. And then you were a couch guest eight years ago, which seems insane. Yeah. I think 10, the first time you were on it, where you did a little bit. Yeah. And then you were a couch guest eight years ago. Yeah.

I leveled up. Yeah. We were like, you know what? This guy, I feel, I have a feeling he's going to win two Emmys. They're like, we prayed about it and we're going to do it. Talk to our clergy person and our family. Um, but yes, you're, uh, you're one of the, I see you at parties occasionally, where I saw you at a play a few years back.

Which play did you see me on? I saw you at a play that a friend's wife was in, and you said that you had went to college with a bunch of people. It was on a beach. Oh, goodness. Yeah, but it was, I'll talk about it during the break. I apologize to whoever that friend is that I can't remember.

I think there were a few that you were in like a theater group in college with or something like that. Oh, goodness. We'll talk, it was in the Valley, we'll talk about it soon. Okay. But this is your first time on the podcast, proper? Oh wait, was Paul's wife in that show? Paul, you're gonna have to remind me

what Paul you're talking about. Wait. Wait. Paul F. Tompkins in the purple hat sitting right next to you. Paul's here? No, that's Shibby. Oh my. Hey, what's going on?

Hey Shibby, what's going on man? Hey, gotta go? Okay, bye buddy. Oh gosh. No, Paul's wife was in that, yes. So you remember what it was. Okay. You remember which one it was. Let's cut all of that from the record.

Tony. It wasn't that, yes. So you remember what it was. You remember which one it was. Okay, let's cut all of that from the record. Okay. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Tony. Aw. I gotta ask. I've already embarrassed myself. What is this, the Decameron, all about? I happen to, I don't wanna brag, but I did read press materials that were sent over to me.

I thought you were about to say, I don't wanna brag, but I have seen the trailer. I have seen the trailer. Yeah. And I read the press materials. Oh, that's nice. I thought you were about to say, I don't want to brag, but I have seen the trailer. I have seen the trailer. Yeah. And I read the press materials. Oh, that's nice. Here's what I can gather. Great.

This is set either in the past or the future. It's not set today. It's not set today. I'm gonna give you a 50-50 guess. The Seth Rogen, Joseph Gordon Levitt special. Think bubonic plague. Okay, I heard that first syllable. Think, like, wool tights. It's gross.

Think boo. I, you know. I heard that first syllable. Here's what I'm confused about. Yeah, please. Star Wars, you see all these like spaceships flying around and you got these lasers and they're going like, laser swords,

bash, psh, psh. But then you flash back to that opening crawl, those words on the screen and it says, a long time ago. And you're like, this is the past? How does that make sense? This is the first time thinking about that. You've never thought that?

No. Have you ever seen these Star Wars movies? Give me a second. No, I have, but that's a really good point. They say a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. But obviously it feels like very, very ahead in the future. Yeah, exactly. So there's a bunch of space scientists out there, supposedly, back when dinosaurs

were talking to Adam and Eve on this planet. Man, that's a really, really good point. Yeah. I got nothing to offer except let's bring George on. So honestly, I don't know where your show takes place. Could be the future, could be the past. Yeah. It's 1348, 14th century. On Earth?

Yeah, on Earth. Okay. Oh, you immediately went to like fantasy space. 1348 in Florence, Italy. And well, it's based on this kind of short stories of called The Decameron, but loosely based. And it's really centered, it's kind of like- How loose are we talking?

Like the first syllable. Just rattling around in there. Yeah. But it's, it's just, it's the, the writer, Kathleen Jordan, who's incredibly gifted. She wrote it during the pandemic, kind of processing the chaos and fear and all that, that we're going through. That's not my experience. Oh, you loved it. Oh, wow. I'm going to share that with her my experience. Oh, you loved it. Yeah. Oh, wow. I'm gonna share that with her.

She didn't bring that into it. Oh yeah, yeah. She needs to do a season two where someone's just like, chilling. Like a rom-com? Yeah. Aw. But just kinda how she was processing that. And I play, if you think like Downton Abbey,

I'm like the head of, I'm like Carson. I'm like the head of the downstairs. Very good, Carson. And it's a really crazy, fun, talks about, just like in the pandemic, you're like, you see the worst of humanity and the best of the downstairs. Very good. And it's a really crazy fun talks about, just like in the pandemic, you're like, you see the worst of humanity and the best of humanity kind of a thing. And essentially from what I can gather of the plot,

a group of rich people go to the countryside to sort of escape the bubonic plague and they hole up in a mansion. A villa we like to call it. And then the... And they think they're escaping the plague. But they're not really a lot of... But they're not, cause money don't buy that.

And chaos ensues. That's right, and you play a gentleman who, you mentioned you were sort of like Carson. Do you remember what Carson was doing in that second Downton Abbey movie? No. He wasn't the guy writing the scripts, right? Did you see it?

The Downton Abbey goes Hollywood. No, I didn't see it. Mr. Mosley. Oh, hey, it's Jimmy. He always thought of Hollywood as the ultimate dream factory. It's kind of the plot of singing in the rain. You know how-

Oh, gotta go by the way. Oh, thanks Jimmy, bye. Where they make a silent movie and then they realize that talkies are on their way in and so they get Mr. Mosley to write dialogue and then the oldest daughter, she records all of the- Golly, dude, your memory is a steel trap. I can't even remember Mr. Mosley's name,

but what was Carson doing during that? Did he go to France? Because he was split in twain, the plot of this movie, where half of Downton Abbey goes to France as a French holiday. Are you serious? I am very serious. Remember Lord Grantham had that nice tan? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And then the other half stayed while a Hollywood Production company used Downton Abbey as a backdrop and then they all made a movie together What?

And if you can believe it they're making a third one now you're serious, yeah, so who knows what's gonna happen in that one I hope it just gets crazier and crazy. I hope they meet the Star Wars people. Oh It's like a long time ago, parentheses Downton Abbey time. So what is the name of your character? I play Srisko. Srisko. Srisko. Can you still remember the names of all of your characters? All right. That makes me think once I was in this movie and I was on, you know you have those press lines we do interviews and it was at a festival and they said oh So what character you do play and I blanked on my character's name And I had to look up on IMDB on the press line at what my name was and I looked and I said My name is I play Paul and she goes okay. No further questions

I play Paul and she goes, okay, no further questions. So I can give it a try. Can I test you on some? Please, please, please. I'll give you some layups. Okay. Quiz lady. This actually might be a little tough because of what it's listed at. Yeah.

I think I'm Thomas Jefferson. You're Ben Franklin. Ben Franklin. Okay, this one could be easy or hard. This is just gonna be a big shame podcast. Harley Quinn. Dr. Psycho. Dr. Psycho, see, easy, there you go. Dr. Psycho.

And this is a medical practitioner who loves the movie Psycho or? You've heard of Dr. Psycho? Oh, of course I've heard of Dr. Psycho. And this is a medical practitioner who loves the movie Psycho or? You've heard of Dr. Psycho. Oh, of course I've heard of Dr. Psycho. Okay. Okay. How about, let's see, let me try to find a really good one.

Who were you in The Twilight Zone? No idea. Would it surprise you to learn you were Tom? Yes. Would it surprise you to learn you were Tom? Yes. How about the Angry Birds movie two? Okay. I think I might have, was it a seagull?

No. You were mime. That's right, I was called a mime bird, that's right. Oh, okay. Right? I wouldn't know, I'm just reading mime bird, that's right. Oh, okay. Right? I wouldn't know, I'm just reading IMDB.com right here. I played a seagull also in a show called Howl's Broken. Anyways, keep talking.

Love, Simon. Ooh, I was the principal. You don't have a first name. I don't? Absolute hint, no. Mr. Simon. You thought Love, Simon was about your character? Well, yeah, they loved me. Mr. Worth.

Mr. Worth, okay. Almost Mr. Butterworth. Oh, okay. I'm enjoying this. Please. How about, I'm going to go way, way down. Oh, Father. Going down, as Aerosmith once said.

Okay. The Sopranos. Ooh, I was a nurse practitioner. Okay. Who gave Uncle Junior his chemo treatment and I was so nervous that day. I remember stories. I was so nervous that day, my hands were shaking and I was giving a patient chemo treatment

while my hands were shaking. That's all I remember, but I don't remember. Did I have a name? You did. I believe the RN stands for registered nurse, Collins. Really? Mm-hmm. Oh, sometimes, yeah.

Back then you're kind of just like- Nurse number one or number two or something like that. That's nice of it. We would do that for the TV show occasionally. People would say, I'll do this, but you have to give me a name. Yeah, yeah. And then we would make it the most ridiculous name

that we could of, you know. I would also change like in college to make my resume sound cooler. If it was, or like in high school, if it was like Leon High School, I would say Leon Theater. Mm. Just to kind of switch it up a little bit.

No one knew. What a storied career you have. I thought you about to say, what a story. What a story, what a story, Tony. Just not that great. Master Rack on Tour. So now the Cameron. I want you to keep going with IMDB now.

Cause I'm, You want me to keep going? I got, Do two more to see if I can get it. Dawson's Creek. We're getting, these are really early in your career. Uh, I was a doctor. You were. Yeah.

And that's all I know. Dr. Bronin. Surprised they gave me a name too. Yeah. Let me go a little more recently. I do remember with that one, uh, James Vanderbeek had so many coats on during rehearsals and I, and I said, dude, you look hot.

And he gave, he thought I was coming onto him. And was that ever cleared up? I don't know if it was. I've seen him since and I think we've shared a laugh about it. Okay, here's one. Comedy Bang Bang. Scott, that's your show. The first episode. I was just a guest. I was my name. Well, no, the first episode that you did.

That's right. I was, wasn't I like a superhero? No. The King of cards. Oh, shoot. I almost had King. You were the king of cards. Okay. You were in a wonderful sketch with. Jim Marash.

Jim Marash and Nat Faxon, yeah. Oh, thankfully I got that. I just saw Jim last night. Oh, good. Go to the past and tell him hi. I don't think that's my gift. Children's hospital. Hmm. Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob. Um, go to the past and tell them hi. I don't think that's my gift. Children's hospital.

Hmm. Rob Cordray. Brad Lendricks is your name. Okay. Brad Lendricks. Okay. Uh, and, uh, Megamind rules. Your most recent credit.

Hmm. Dr. Donut? Mr. Donut. You gave yourself a doctorate, interestingly. All right, well at least I got Donut. Yeah, well what a wonderful storied career, you've done it all, you have so many credits, you can't even remember your name in them.

No, that's just bad, that's just bad. No, because I am fascinated by people's memory, like my memory, I mean, I don't really remember sixth grade down period, like I do, I am fascinated by people's memories. Like my memory, I mean, I don't really remember sixth grade down period. Like I don't remember friends or teachers or anything. Really? Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure. I don't know what happened. Talked to many therapists about it. But- Meaning when you say sixth grade down-

Nothing. You, from birth to sixth grade, you have no memories? Nothing. I mean, like when I see pictures, that's kind of my memory where I'm like, oh yeah, but you wonder if it's because of the picture. But when it comes to kind of like friends or anything, nothing. Well, okay. You were seven in 1977. Yeah. Did you see Star Wars? Is that why you don't remember it said a long time ago? But I'm sure I did, but I don't remember seeing it. You don't remember?

So I've seen it since. Okay. But seventh grade is when I think my memory really, not really kicked in, but kicked in, that's when we moved, when we stopped in the mix, but that was in the army because we traveled around a lot. So I thought maybe it was because we traveled around so much. Interesting. Maybe you were told Santa Claus wasn't real.

Or maybe I was in a religious cult. I don't know. Could be. Yeah, who knows? Very interesting. I don't think I've ever met anyone. Usually the memory kicks in around four or three or something like that.

Nothing. For you, it was approximately 12. Seriously, yeah. So you're just missing a huge chunk of your life. Yeah, and also like basic things like stuff you'd learn in elementary school, I'll find myself like I'll get like a basic geography or something like that that I'll completely forget. Two plus two is very confusing to me. Question mark? So you have the opposite of Mary Lou Henner disease.

Man, which sounds great on paper, but remembering everything, I don't know, that would be hard. What's worse, yeah, I wonder, remembering everything, although sometimes I wonder, like, it's kind of lame that we go see a movie and we forget it, because then we have to see it again. Yeah. You know what I mean? But I do love, I'm very nostalgic, like I love going back home and having people tell stories. Like that's always fun home and having people tell stories.

Like that's always fun. Cause it's like that. Do you remember them when someone tells a story? Can you? Not, no. Sometimes if it's like college or something, or a little high school. Oh, they have to college?

But it's spotty. Wow. But do you have like that detailed memory? I think everyone's memory is sort of, you know, shaky in certain ways in the early years, and we need people to come in and tell us their side of it in order to jog it. But yeah, I can remember things back to being very young. But when you even like a story of like, I don't know, 25 years ago, would you, is that pretty locked in? I think the version that you tell of it is kind of locked in, you know, if like, you know, and that's usually the short version

that you, you know, won't bore the person you're talking to. Right, right, right, right. So usually it takes another person who was there to say like, oh no, no, no, what really happened was this, you know, and in violation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, interesting.

Well, the memory is a tricky thing. Were you ever hit in the head with like a frying pan? Maybe. Like cartoon style by- the head with like a frying pan? Maybe. Like cartoon style by- Boing! Just over and over? Yeah. Who knows?

Well, human cartoon Tony Hale is here. He's in a new show called The Decameron, and I'm gonna guess- I think. This top scene, you don't remember filming this thing? I don't know. I mean, that was a year ago. You have like 51st dates disease. Oh yeah.

Yeah, where every day is new for you. Is it your wife's actual birthday? Remember how in, I can't talk about this movie yet. That's on my other show, nevermind. That's in a few weeks. All right, well, The Decameron comes out this Thursday. Some great people in it. You have cast members from Sex Education and Dairy Girls and was it, did you film it in Italy?

Yeah, we were in Rome, Italy for six months. That rules. Yeah. Right? It was, actually, it was so beautiful. I was away from home for six like my family was here I was there and that's that was tricky yeah but I mean I was so grateful for the job Italians are very blunt people though they're very their artistry is crazy but they will there was this one guy who was a costume designer lovely man and his name is Claudio

and then I had this costume with a belt and I said, Claudio, can you make this belt a little tighter? And he goes, no, you have an odd shape. And I was like, Claudio? And he goes, why you do? And it was just like all that stuff happened all the time. Well, I mean, you know, it took you till 52 years of age to learn it. I thought I did, but then it was confirmed. Confirmed by Claudio. Claudio.

Well, are you going back and doing another season of it? It was a limited series. It's a limited series, limited to eight episodes. And there's no way that any of these, oh, I guess they all die of the bubonic plague at the end. Maybe not. Really? Maybe not.

Maybe your character escapes. Hey, listen, no spoilers. Maybe your character builds a rocket ship and flies to the moon and takes up residence there. What? How did you, did you read the scripts? You can't get a pen number, but you read all the scripts. Yes, I read. Yeah.

I hacked into someone's computer. Uh, the Decameron comes out this Thursday. Uh, very exciting. Oh, it's really great. Really great. More content on Netflix that we can skim through and, uh, Just thumbnail after thumbnail. Just hearing that sound, da-dong that sound, just is so thrilling.

And, uh, uh, skip recap, you know, we do that sometimes skip intro, of course. I always watch the intro over the first thing and then then I'm done, but I do like a good intro. I like a good intro. I thought the crown had a great intro. Twin Peaks is the only one that I never would skip through. Really? It just, it puts you in the mood. Like I think it's, you really need it in order, because like it's so serene and so calming.

And then the minute it's over, it segues into, dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo That's a really good way to frame an intro. I've never heard it like that. Like that it puts you in the mood for the tone of the show. Am I smart? Scott, let's not, let's not jump to extremes. Well, Tony Hale is here. Can you stick around Tony because we have some great guests. I know I heard. We have a Bonj Vivan coming up. We also have a woman and a very exciting show.

We're going to come right back. We'll have more Tony Hale, we'll have more Comedy Bang Bang. We'll be right back after this! Comedy Bang Bang, we're back and we have Tony Hale, of course, Beyonce's assistant in the Beyonce-Verizon Super Bowl. I do remember that. Do you really? Did you get to meet her or was she green screened in? She was there and she was lovely and she was very quick. Like she had like nine costume changes in one day. Oh, quick to change clothes. Yeah, and quick.

But like. Of course you're talking about my cast member, a fellow cast member in Austin Powers Gold member. She's part of the Austin Powers verse. So we're happy to have her. And so she's there. How many hours do you film with her? I think I was there from like, I got there like six

and then we got, I got home at like five in the morning. Five in the, so 6 a.m.? 6 a.m. Got home at 5 a.m. But I was so happy to be there. Yeah. I mean, I just, I wore the same outfit and just sat around eight and just watched the magic.

Did you ever, were you ever like, just sing one of your songs right now? Just do a mini concert. I sing one of your songs. Which one would you sing? If she, if she were to say like, we're not continuing this commercial until Tony sings one of my songs.

Hey, hello, hey, hello, hey, hello, hey, hello, hey. That's all I would do. I wouldn't know the words. Hey, hello, hey, hello, hey, hello. Well, the D Cameron is out this Thursday on Netflix. We have to get to our next guest. He's a Bon Vivant. Have you ever met a Bon Vivant? I haven't. In Italy, there weren't any? I'm sure there were, but no one introduced He's a Bon Vivant. Have you ever met a Bon Vivant? I would imagine in Italy there weren't any? I'm sure there were, but no one introduced themselves as a Bon Vivant.

Okay, well, this is very exciting. It's the first time for this gentleman to be on the podcast as well. He is a Bon Vivant. Please welcome Woolly Dorgosh. Scott, thank you for having me on the program. It's my pleasure. This is Tony. Tony, hello. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Oh, Woolly. It's so nice to meet you. Nice to meet you as well. Is it Wooly with an I-E or a Y? Wooly with a Y. Is that an E-Y or? Nope.

No. Just a Y at the end. Just a Y at the end. W-O-O-L-L-Y. Door gosh, D-O-O-R-G-O-S-H. Wow. So two L's in Wooly. Two L's in Wooly. That's how you remember it. Does your family have a business that used that? Yes. Oh. We're all named after fabrics.

Oh, really? Wow. Okay. So you're named after the sort of adjective relating to fabric. Yes, but with an extra letter to make it a real name. Okay, so who are your siblings? What's that now? Who are your siblings? Well, that's a pattern. I do have an older sister, her name is Cotton-L, one L. One L, okay. To

differentiate it from the brand. So it's Cotton and then just L. Yeah, almost a Kryptonian name. And who else do you have? Then I have a little sister and her name is quarter Ray. Quarter Ray. So it's almost like, uh, C-O-R-D-U-R-A-E quarter Ray. So it's almost like if Jamie Foxx gave up one fourth of the way through filming his Oscar winning role of Ray quarter Ray. Well, that would be quarter. Yes.

And I've seen quarter interesting. Yeah. Wow. Words, huh? Can you. Yes. And I'm saying quarter. Interesting. Yeah. Wow. Words, huh? Can you imagine? How many words do you think there are? I think I tried to count in the OE-21s. I have to.

I got all the way up to 12 and I was like, this is too many. I got further than that, but I did give up. It was fun though. I love, these are the things of life that I love. What word did you get to where you were just like, I'm out. Octopus. You got all the way to octopus.

My goodness. Yeah. They had a picture of everything. In the dictionary. Yeah. Okay. How many legs do they have? Sometimes they have pictures in the dictionary.

How many legs? Little line drawings. Eight. He knows his Octopi. Octo. Not Ecto. that's for ghosts. That is. You ever see those Ghostbusters movies, Tony?

Uh, yes. Have you ever seen an ectopus? No. The ghost of an octopus. Oh. Terrifying. Gosh, it seems like it. But also cool.

I guess those would all be down underneath the sea unless they washed up on land and died without water on land, on the beaches. What? Well, on the beaches. What? Well, all the ectopies would be underneath the sea, would they not? Haunting the ocean itself.

Yes. Like the movie, Go Ship. The Briny Deeps. Amazing opening to the movie, Go Ship. Have you ever seen it? I've never seen Go Ship. Oh, Go Ship. Tony, Go Ship?

No, I've never heard seen Go Ship. You know, if you want to see the first five minutes of a movie, I cannot recommend Ghost Ship more highly. Wow. Do you only watch five minutes of the first movie? Oh, no, I watch the whole movie. Is it about a ship that's a ghost or a ship that has a bunch of ghosts on it? Can I tell you a secret? Okay.

It's a little bit of both. Whoa! Yeah. So the ship is a ghost. I've never thought of a ship as being... That's not true. The ship is not a ghost. I realized I was mistaken. The ship is a disused ship upon which everyone is dead. But would you not say that a ship that has not existed until these ghosts came back and it reappears, that's kind of a ghost ship. Well, the ship never went away. It never went away. No, there are such things as ghost ships, which

It never went away. It never went away. No, there are such things as ghost ships, which continued to travel the waters with no one on board. Ships that were abandoned. I guess God is maybe steering them. Oh. I guess, or the Kurtz. But he controls those, doesn't he?

That's true. That's right. That's a good point. Willie, I can really see, have you ever thought about doing like a kid show? I've thought about doing it I would love to see an actor. No, not at all. I just want to I'm just above you thought I love life Yeah, and I love all the things in it. He has a bad things. I prefer to death. I guess yeah I love death too. Oh, yeah, it's great part of the natural plan, but you're so lovable

Well, thank you for you was like a as like an affable Mr. Rogers. Yeah. For once, right? Oh, you didn't like Mr. Rogers? Oh, I misunderstood. Oh, no, he was affable. More affable, I think. More affable.

Oh, okay, even more affable than Mr. Rogers himself. Yeah, you imagine. What if I changed my top a third time? Into what, just like a swimsuit? I would go from sports coat to sweater, then to, uh, I don't know, like a windbreaker or maybe a windbreaker or it's track jacket. Yeah, sure. You'd look like you were in this, maybe the top half of a, of a fuzzy costume of some sort. Oh yeah. Without with or without the helmet. No head. I would just be like the top of a

gorilla costume. Wow. That's a, yeah. I think kids would like that actually. I bet they would. Kids are whimsical. Do you have any children? I don't have any children. I'm so sorry. It's okay. I mean, I consider, I consider myself a relative to everybody. You know what I mean?

I guess I do. Yeah. So the world is your child. The world is my child, my father, my mother, my sister, my brother, and my cousin. Wonderful. Wow. It's a wonderful way to look at it. It's also a great thing for a kid show. You're the father to many. Yes. And the mother to none.

That could be true. I don't know if that's a catchphrase you use during the show. Well, I'm trying it out. Okay, I don't know. So you have not been on camera or anything like that. Not that I know of. But you've thought. I mean, I've had photographs taken, of course. Have you ever been to a stadium game, like an athletic competition?

Absolutely. To go into a stadium where athletes are at the height of their powers, playing against each other. They don't get better than when they're out there, athletically, I mean, than when they're out there playing their actual sports games. Exactly. That's where they come alive. Be it baseball, football, soccer, some people call it football as well. Tennis, hockey,

fencing. Frisbee? Sure, Frisbee ultimate. Or even just regular, I'll take it. Someone throwing one around. That's right, doesn't all have to be organized, it could just be a couple of pals in the park. You ever out there, Tony, throwing a Frisbee around with any of your brothers?

Ever. A long time ago. When's the last time you throwed a Frisbee? Oh, it's been a long time. I used to do that ultimate Frisbee. Did you really? Yeah. What makes it ultimate? It's like... It ends in death.

It ends in death. So you've all, you made it through. I made it through. It was like squid game for Frisbee. Okay, well congratulations. Thank you. And then you became an actor? And then I became an actor.

Okay, wow. I was like, victory, this means something. Oh wait, was that the prize, was being on Arrested Development? It's really weird. They just had a picture of Buster, or what Buster could be. What Buster could be, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A big glass pig with a script in it.

Yeah. That's close, man. Let Tony do yourself a favor. Please. Toss a Frisbee around. Okay. It's just as much fun as you remember. Yeah.

It's not just for people 12 and, you know, between the ages of 12 and 18. Did they put a cap on it? I don't remember that being on the Frisbee packaging. Who do you throw a Frisbee around a lot? Oh, anyone who wants to do it. I always have a frisbee on me at all times. Do you? Yes. Wait, let me check this out.

Let me open my briefcase. Wait, it's handcuffed to your wrist. Yes, it is. I've never worn without this frisbee. Okay, well, here it is. Oh my gosh, this is, what is this? Gold plated? What exactly is this? It's gold lined. This is heavy. It is a heavy frisbee. It's too heavy for a frisbee.

No, watch this! Ow! Yeah. I said watch it. Why would you throw that? I said watch it. Okay, but I didn't know what you were referring. That's what a frisbee's for, is to throw, to catch.

It hurts. I'm so sorry. I don't mean to hurt anyone. I just want people to have a good time, because I'm having a good time. Yeah, you're a Bon vivant, you say? That's right. What does that entail, day to day? A happy spirit.

Oh, see, I like that. What is your, give us like an example of your schedule every day. Oh gosh, okay. I wake up at 3 a.m. Wow. Why? I look for owls. Oh my goodness. They're usually around at that time of day, right? Yeah. They're usually packing it up though. Yes, this is the best time to see them is when they're done their business for the evening and they're knocking off work. Yeah, they're sated with whatever rodents they've

eaten. That's right. So they fly a little more slowly so you can get a glimpse. Yeah. This is the perfect time to spot an owl, 3 a.m. And also it lowers the octave of their little cry. And so instead of going, woo-hoo, they go, woo-hoo. Because they're so tired. Only at three. Yeah. They're full of mouse skeletons and they can't wait to get home. Would you be waking up at 3 a.m. anyway, or is this exclusively to see the owls? This was exclusively to see the owls. So what time would you be waking up at 3 AM anyway, or is this exclusively to see the owls? This was exclusively to see the owls.

So what time would you be waking up without the owls? 4 AM. Do you find that at 3 AM, if you didn't wake up, that that's kind of when you imagine the worst things possible? Did everybody do that? What? Could you lay that out for me again? Let's parse this word by word. If I didn't wake up at 3 AM.

If you didn't wake up at 3 AM, do you kind of find yourself waking up at 3 AM and you, things that maybe don't see? Well, if I don't wake up at 3 AM, I do not find myself waking up at 3 AM. I think that's where I fell off the train. You know, the worst thing I can imagine, honestly, if we want to really get it. Yeah, what's the worst thing you can imagine? Is a world where people don't appreciate

the wonder that is around them. I'd like to get back to the 3AM. Okay, sure. I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding. That's fun. We're having fun. Do you wake up in just a cold a cold sweat saying it's 3 AM? What's.

No, sometimes I've talked to people and 3 AM seems to be the time. Some people like you get up and look at owls. Absolutely. And some people sometimes like me or other people I've talked to will just lay there. And what might seem irrational during the day seems very real at that time of day. Right. Yeah. Your mind can play tricks on you.

You're coming in and out of a dream state. But it sounds like you're escaping that, like you're getting out of there and looking it out. I probably haven't had a negative thought in 30 years. What was the one about 30 years ago? We're talking 1994. Right. Bill Clinton had been in office for two years at this point.

That's right. Yeah. What was that last negative thought? Golly. I think it was the sun is going to burn out in 31 years. You thought it was going to burn out? No, I was told. Oh, you were told it was going to burn out in 2025 next year?

Yeah. And is, is this true? I mean, I haven't heard this. As far as I know, it's absolutely true. It's really? Yeah. What told it was going to burn out in 2025 next year? Yeah. And is this true? I mean, I haven't heard this. As far as I know, it's absolutely true. Really? Yeah. What are we all going to do? I mean- We'll love life. I don't think I'm going to love it all that much without the sun. Well, no, that'll be that after that happens. Yeah, everything will be done. Yeah, we're all going to be extinguished. But until then, kind of puts things in perspective. It kind of does, I guess. I guess we could be living life. It is kind of freaky that if that was your last negative thought, it's hard not to give that a lot of power that that might happen.

Since you've been thinking it's true for the past. Have you thought it's true? And here's the reason I don't give it power is because there's nothing I could do about it. So I might as well have a good time. It's not like we can go fire nuclear missiles into the sun, giving it more weight. Could we do this? Oh Scott, please. Let's not get into that. Could we do that? Was that for the movie sunshine? It might have been.

Yeah. My Danny Boyle. Yeah, Danny Boyle. I think that was the plot, wasn't it? I think it was. Like the sun's going to burn out, so let's go fire some nuclear rockets into it. Right. Make it go. I say, don't bother. Yeah. I said, let it go. If it, if you got to fire a nuclear missile at something, it's just not worth it. Do you ever watch the news? Like, do you watch and go, come on, I love it. It's so, I love to watch the news.

You do. And so like when you see something kind of horrific, which obviously happens in the world, Man beheaded. Yeah. You say, use it as a bowling ball. That sounds more like the newspaper if we're, are you thinking of the lower third? Maybe. I guess, I guess, uh, your local news doesn't immediately start with man beheaded.

Hey Tony, did you say somebody ate a bowling ball? No, I just thought maybe you would have a positive thought to that. Yeah, use the head as a bowling ball. The positive thought is, oh, I see. The positive thought is people are trying to spread the word about bad things, which on the face of it, I don't like. But it might encourage someone to say, my life's not so bad. That's a good point.

At least my head is still on. That's a really good point. Yeah. Last time I checked. It's not a bowling ball. So it kind of, still on. That's a really good point. Yeah. Last time I checked. It's not a bowling ball. So it kind of, you're an incredible, you're a person of gratitude. You're a person who's always thankful. I'm grateful for the time that I've had and the time that I have left.

How old are you? I am, and here's the surprising part. Okay. 32 years old. Gosh. So someone told you this when you were two years old? That's right. I was just a toddler. And you remember it? It's my earliest memory. Wow. So someone told you this when you were two years old? That's right. I was just a toddler.

And you remember it? It's my earliest memory. Wow. And my most vivid memory. What is that like? That's incredible. You're such a young guy, but such an old soul in a way. You really are an old soul.

Well, I think it's the accumulated years of appreciating the world of traveling all over the place and partaking in every experience. How many countries have you been to? All. Every single one. And Antarctica. Wow. I mean, that's a continent.

It is. Do you go by yourself? I go by myself. I pick up travelers along the way. If I tell people where I'm going, if they want to come with me, sure they're welcome to. You pay for all their travel expenses? No, I can't do that.

I'm not independently wealthy. No, I'm sorry. I have so many independently wealthy friends, like my friend Alamoni Tony. Oh, that's fun. His mother invented Gash's paper. Oh, he must be rolling it. Oh yeah, he's rolling it.

But so you're- How do you make money? Yeah. I don't. Oh. I really just live off the land. What does that mean? Wow.

What do you think it means? It means you forage for berries and shit. What? Yeah. Really? I eat out of the trash. Okay. Wow.

I see. I think, I don't think you should have been built as a Bon Vivant. I think you should have been billed as like unhoused person who eats trash. Or you sell more to me than that though. There is, I would say. It's kind of reductive, I agree. I don't, I don't have a home, uh, but not because I've been forced out of a home or by bad circumstances, I, by choice.

I, I, and I don't stay in one place. I go all over the place. Yeah. So where do you stay when you get to another country? I find any kind of shelter I can. Sometimes if it's a hostel, sometimes it's a cave. A lean- can sometimes if it's a hostel Sometimes it's a cave a lean to sometimes it's a lean to of course. I do travel with a pack upon my back like a backpack or yeah, if you like I

Save you some time I Can see you as one of those guys and I bet you have done this where you hold a sign that says free hugs I've done this where you hold a sign that says free hugs. Tony, you must have seen the photographs of me. I've seen some YouTubes. Because yes, I do offer free hugs. Yeah, I love that. Yeah. There's a lot of people who need that.

I hate paying for hugs. Oh, right. I have to do it all the time. I know, you call up an escort service, you're like. I just want a hug. I am to some other stuff as well. Just a hug. Can we start with a hug?

I think hugs should be free, but if you can make money doing a hug, you're doing what you love, and I think that's good. There you go. What if you hated doing hugs, but you charged for them, and you made money doing it, but you hated it? Well, that's a sad thing. Yeah, it is.

But it does help frame things to see the positive in other stuff. Also, people probably slip you cash from that, I would think. Sometimes people do. Sometimes people are very generous, and they give you a little money for food generous and they give you a little money for food or they give you a little money for clothing.

They've given you a hug and they've just slipped like a 20 into your pocket and you find it later. Yeah, fun, right? Do you have any money in your pockets right now? Let me see. Two buttons, a rock. Oh, look, a moth. Subway token.

$1,000. Wow! You're rolling in it today. Man, you keep $1,000? Well, I haven't spent anybody in quite a while. Oh, wow. This represents, I'm gonna say, three years of saving. And Scott did give you lunch,

so is that kinda you just kind of- Thank you. You're welcome. That was really nice. It was delicious, by the way. Yeah, you have a little caviar in the corner of your mouth. Caviar? Oh, more caviar. Wow. Oh, I'm sorry little caviar in the corner of your mouth. Caviar. Oh, more caviar.

Wow. Oh, I'm sorry, I only gave you Jersey Mike's when you were right. Man. Could you imagine Jersey Mike's serving a caviar sub? Oh my gosh, just totally covered with caviar. That's Mike's way. It still has the oil and vinegar on it.

Yeah. What a sourdough roll. Toasted. It still has the oil and vinegar on it. Yeah. A lot of sour and over-old. So when you, if you bite into something that is clearly bad and sour, and just makes you immediately feel bad, what is the thought that enters your mind? How wonderful that it used to be good. And most of this sandwich was good for someone else. And that's nice. You got the dregs, unfortunately, and it's turned at this point, and you're going to be vomiting very, very soon.

That's right. Yes, I have crippling food poisoning, but I tell you what, it makes the time that I don't have crippling food poisoning seem all the better. Do you have crippling food poisoning right now? It's coming. I feel it coming on. How often do you have crippling food poisoning? Every other day.

Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever had to deliver bad news to somebody? Yes, I have. And it's not my favorite thing to do. In what situation were you- But at least it makes me, I've been trusted with a task and that makes me proud. In what situation would you be in to have to deliver bad news? Oh, I have to tell people like their house burned down.

Why? Why? If I was careless with matches. Oh, I have to tell people like their house burned down. Why do you have to tell people? Why? If I was careless with matches. Oh, so you're the one burning their house down. Well, the fire burned the house down. That's true. That's a good point. Yes.

Yes, yes, yes. So how did you get in this house? Uh, sometimes people will let me into their house by leaving a door unlocked. I see. Okay. If you were a vampire and a door was just unlocked, would you be able to go in? No.

Okay, you literally need someone to say- You actually need an invitation. Come on in here, bro. Yeah, you got, somebody's gotta say, get in here. Get in here, gimme a little big hug, vampire. Yeah, maybe you could bite their neck. Oh, wow. If you're a vampire.

You ever bitten anyone's neck? In the throes of passion, probably. So you still have, even though you don't have- Sex? Yeah. Sure. How much sex are you having on a day-to-day basis? Pretty good amount of sex. Because we've talked about,

you're up at 3 a.m. for the owls, then what? Then I'm just awake. I'm like out and about in those streets. Having sex? Sometimes having sex. In the street? Sometimes. I'll ask people, hey, do you wanna have sex?

Oh gosh, and many times they respond yes. Many times they respond yes? I guess if you don't ask. I ask a lot of people. Yeah, if you don't ask then. Yeah, it's a volume game. Wow. How many people are you asking a day?

Every person I see. Every second person. So the two questions you have. Yeah. Do you want to have sex and do you want to come along with me to the next place that we're traveling to? Yes. First I ask, do you want to have sex? Wow.

If they say no, well, the follow-up question is always, no matter what, is do you want to come with me to the next place I go? If I were to say no to having sex, I don't think I would come along with you to the next place. No. And a lot of times, ask the response. Is this connected with the free hugs at all? Is there a connection here? I try to keep them separate,

but sometimes one thing does lead to another. I see, I see. Do you ever in the middle of the free hug, ask if they want to have sex? No. That is always, the hug ends, we part, we look at each other, and then I will say, would you like to have sex with me?

Sure. Okay. So I mean, you know, you're out there, you're doing it. I mean, what's your body count, my man? Oh, I mean. Do you keep a count? I do. And I mean, I, on the one hand, I feel like it's, uh, it's maybe bragging to say my number, but we've never had a very proud of it.

And you did ask. That's true. So it's probably the 25,000 ring. Wow, man. Gosh. That is intense. I'm trying to think, how many days have I been alive? Yeah.

I know, how many days do you think you've been alive? It's gotta be in the hundreds. I've been alive 19,723 days or so. And you're only 32. And you're only 32. And you're only 32. So you've had sex with more than one person repeatedly and often. Absolutely.

Do you lose, does the person lose value each time? I mean, with that many people? No, no, no, no, no. I remember every single one. Do you? I remember every single one. And you remember names and stories? So this is the opposite of Tony with his IMDB.

Exactly. That's right. Wow. Wow. Give me a number and I'll tell you. Okay, how about 738? Annette, she was from Delaware. She hoped to become a ceramicist. Why are you saying it like a robot?

Well, that's how I remember things. Oh, okay, yeah. I go into my mind files. Oh. Yeah. I will say for that many people, you clearly get the response of yes, every time you say, do you like to have sex? There is something you're- You'd be surprised.

It's just I've talked to a lot of people. But that means you're asking like double that amount if there's a lot of people that say no? I would say quadruple that amount. Yeah. It's literally every person. Every single person. Are you gonna ask us to have sex?

I know, are you gonna ask us? I'm prepared. I mentally am prepared for it now. I'm prepared to answer. Is there any order I should go in? Go with me first. All right, let's go. Yeah. First of all, would you like a. All right, Scott. Yeah.

First of all, would you like a hug? Oh, no. Okay. Knowing what's coming next, I do not. All right. Scott Ackerman, would you do me the very great honor of having sexual intercourse with me? Oh gosh, would you ask it like that?

I mean, my God. That's so flattering. That turned a corner. Yeah, unfortunately I think my partner and wife would not appreciate me doing this. Understood! Second thoughts on that, huh? First thoughts are going to have to remain the thoughts. All right.

Now, would you like to come with me to the next place I'm going? Definitely not. Oh. Okay. And now we come to Tony. Yes, it's his wife's birthday. Let's see if Phil has sex with you. It's my wife's birthday.

Oh, happy birthday to her. Thank you. How wonderful. Thank you. Tony. Should I, I'm not giving you her number. No, of course not. Yeah, of course. These are just people you come into physical proximity with. Yeah, it's actually, no, I'm not cold calling people.

Oh, I see. You're not rolling calls. With that many people, you might have to. I have tied notes to an Owl's foot. Oh, oh, like a Harry Potter situation. I suppose so. Yeah. Yeah. That's nice. Uh, Tony. Yes. I have a question to ask you's foot. Oh, like a Harry Potter situation. I suppose so. Yeah.

Yeah. That's nice. Tony. Yes. I have a question to ask you. Please. Mr. Tony Hale. Thank you.

Would you make me the happiest man in the world by agreeing to have sexual intercourse with me? Well, there was an earlier question I did not get that Scott got. Oh, I mix it up sometimes. Oh man, I was prepared for the first question. Oh, he kinda wants that first question. I kinda want-

You're blowing your shot here. I want the hug. Oh, going off the tube. And I'm not gonna say yet if I want the sex. Animal style. Do you do hugs animal style? Yes. I mean, I will offer,

but if you come up to me before I offer and say, I would like a hug, that's animal style. That's animal style. Yeah. Okay, yeah. Oh, well, like in and out. Yeah. What's that?

Yeah. So I will not have sex with you. Understood. Thank you. And I applaud your decision. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. I, I appreciate your response, speaking in a positive way.

Sure. I appreciate your response and I appreciate your candidness. Yeah. I don't take it personally and I hope other people don't take it personally. Ain't no shame in your game. Do you have anybody who reacts violently to your questions? Of course. Ah.

Many times. Really? Yes. Can you detail some of, oh, like at least one of those. Give me a number. Um, I was 615 violent. John Sampson, Houston, Texas, punched me in the face repeatedly. Called a friend to also punch me in the face. So this is not the 615th person you had sex with. This is the 16th.

No, he would be, he would be 671. Oh, he came around. He came around, yeah, he came around. Oh wow, man. Because I thanked him after he beat me up. Oh man, you hit like a father wound or something in him. I busted, I suppose, yeah, yeah. So you'll take anyone who agrees.

Yeah. Are you discerning at all? Like, do you have to be attracted to the person or are you just merely asking every single person that you come in? If they're a person, I'm attracted to them. Interesting. Oh, come on, man. That is such a great twist.

That's so amazing. You're just attracted to humanity. Tony, do you want to go to the next place I'm going? I am, man, I'm tempted. Yeah. Where are you going? Yeah. Well, you don't really ever have a plan, do you?

No. Huh. But I'm leaning towards the Scottish Highlands. I've never been. That's quite a trip. You've never been? I've never been. Now I will have to ask you this.

Well, you do have a thousand dollars in your pocket. So I guess that's how you would pay for the plane ticket. No. No. I'm holding onto that thousand. I'm gonna roll it over. Do you see me fronting that money for the Scottish Islands?

Oh, if you did, that would be wonderful. Oh. But if see me fronting that money for the Scottish islands? Oh, if you did, that would be wonderful. Oh, but if not, there's always a way. Yeah. Do you sneak into the cargo hold? Yeah, absolutely. Really? I stuck into the cargo hold of every vehicle you can imagine that has a cargo hold.

Okay. Wow. Let me think of like a pet. Sometimes, sometimes I'll put on a dog costume. Well, yeah, you have. Get in a big crate. Yeah. A big bow wow bow wow. That's yeah, you have. Get in a big crate. A big crate. Bow wow, bow wow.

That's classic dog right there. Woof, woof. And they buy it, they never question it? I've never, my... I've never been found out as a dog more than twice. Oh wow. More than twice by the same person? Yes, more than twice by the same person? Yes, more than twice by the same person.

Okay. Well. So once, a lot of times. That's right. Twice a lot of times, but more than that, never. There is a gentleman who works security at O'Hare Airport who twice has discovered that I was not a dog. Mm, okay.

I just love, I would love to see a response when they say, you're not supposed to be here, and you would go, cheerio. Like you would just say, well, thank you for your time. I mean, you're not far off be here, and you would go. Cheerio. Like you would just say, well thank you for your time. I mean, you're not far off. Yeah, I can totally see that. They can only arrest you if you resist arrest. That's true.

Yeah, if they try to. They can only arrest you if you resist arrest. If they say, hey, you're not supposed to be here, and you say, I agree, goodbye. I will remove the dog head, put it under my arm like a helmet, and I will say, I hereby accept your rules and good day to you. Is that true?

They can't arrest you then. Only if you resist arrest. I'm really learning a lot. That's the technicality they get you on. Where you're like, oh, I wasn't doing anything. Okay, now we have to arrest you. It's a wording in the rule book. Oh man.

That they didn't foresee. Wow. These are all things you must have learned before sixth grade. I guess so, yeah. Wow, that they didn't foresee. Wow. These are all things you must have learned before sixth grade. I guess so, yeah. Wow, that's good to know. Wow, well, I gotta say, well, you're one of the more fascinating people

I've talked to. Am I? Yeah, you really are. Well, that's wonderful to hear. You are. And thank you. You're one of the more fascinating people that I've ever met, and Tony, so are you. Thank you, man.

Yeah, I mean, why are you here in Hollywood? I'm passing through. Just passing through. Yeah, I mean, why are you here in Hollywood? I'm passing through. Just passing through. Yeah, gonna sleep in the Hollywood Bowl tonight? Is there a concert tonight? Yeah, no. I'm just gonna go there. It looks like a big bassinet

that's been turned upside down, doesn't it? That's exactly what it appeals to me. It makes you sleepy. Yes, and I wanna find out if I snore because of the acoustics there. Yeah, so it'll wake you up. I would venture to say you do. You think so?

I wonder, and the timbre, is that the timbre of your voice? Timbre. Timbre of your voice. I can, I would predict. You're hearing a sort of mucus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's entirely possible. I've never heard it myself.

Isn't it funny that snoring people don't wake themselves up with a racket? Don't they? I mean, occasionally you'll do it so loud and you'll go, oh, I'm so embarrassed. I think as if you're on your back you'll have one of those. But if you're on your side you're sawing logs. Are you a stomach sleeper? I sleep on every part of my body. Also keep in mind you've had sex 25,000 times.

With 25,000 different people. Not even times. So if you did snore, you would have heard someone saying you snored. That's what I imagine. But some people are polite. They don't want to say anything. But also these are kind of one night stands. So what's the point in saying anything? But here's what I say about snoring. Some people don't like it, but I say it's proof of life. And isn't that wonderful? Oh, look at you.

Yes. Well, gosh, Willie, we need to take a break. Look, that's DoorGosh. It's my name. That's right. DoorGosh, we need to take a break. Can you stick around? Because we have another guest we have to get to after the break. I'd love to. Are you kidding me?

I've never been on a podcast before. Really? You should do Conan's. Not on purpose. Oh wait, you've been on a podcast. I should do COVID's? Nevermind. That is confusing, isn't it?

COVID O'Brien. It is confusing. We need to take a break. When we come back, we'll have Tony Hale. We'll also have more Wooly Dorgosh. And there's a woman coming up after the show. What? After this break. Well, don't keep getting her around Wooly. Yeah. Well, that's right. This may be a little awkward, but... I have been asked to ask.

Okay. We'll see. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this! Comedy Bang Bang, we're back! Tony Hale is here. He plays a... Are you Italian in this show? No, it's all different dialects. Okay, so what are you doing, Bronx? Yeah. Hey, oh my god, is this Florence? Are you kidding me? Come on. No, I'm just American. You're American. I'm American. And how was that to learn that accent? Not to say Bronx can't be American, guys.

How is that accent? Yeah, how was it learning that accent? It is a little bit elevated, like a little... Theatery? Yeah, that's a good way to put it. Yeah. Heightened. Yeah, right.

It's a different time. Yeah, it was a different time. But Zosha Mamet, she kind of sounds like a little bit of a valley girl. So it's a lot of different takes. Interesting. Yeah. Okay, well, the Decameron is on Netflix on Thursday, all episodes all at once, right? I think you'll really like it, Scott. Okay, how long are these episodes?

And Woolly and Woman. I know I'll like it. You will love it. I know I will. Do. You will love it. I know I will. Do you watch a lot of TV? I would imagine. Absolutely.

How do you do it? Usually just passing by TV stores and whatever's on in the window? Yeah, I look through someone's home. You know what? You're a hype, you should be, you're a hype man. Yes. What does that mean?

Oh dude, you just like. Do you know what a flavor of flavor is? You ever see flavoravor of Love? How could you not? He wasn't performing Hype Man duties on that show, but- Hype Man duties on that show? He's the guy that keeps the energy up, keeps the positivity- Oh, he hypes up the crowd.

Okay, I say, that's a great idea. Yeah. Why do you think he should be a Hype Man? And who do you think he should be a Hype Man for? Oh man. Exactly for whom? Should I hype? For Mitzv? I was like you just go in and be like let's get this party started Just for party you guys are great and you get all the free food and you dance I have a friend who's a party starter that might be kind of kind of you know to dare and Carter the party starter

Yeah, you know him. You've been to a party that he's been to No, there's a comedian named Darren Carter. Oh, oh, no, no. Darren Carter, the party starter. Oh, oh, oh. I don't think he does that anymore. This was quite a while ago. Did you sleep with him?

Who am I thinking? I tried to. Who am I thinking of? We parted ways as friends. Did you really? Okay, that's great. Yes, anyway. You're thinking of Danny Mahoney, perhaps?

Yes, he has a lot of trouble with his batteries, he has a lot of trouble with his batteries. He has a lot of trouble with his batteries. All right, we need to get to our next guest. Um, this is, uh, I mean, I'm excited to talk to her, uh, but, uh, I'm getting a little more information from my producer regarding, uh, uh, uh, the state of her condition. She is actually a dying woman. Oh. Please welcome to the show for the first

and possibly last time, Shirley Macadamia. Thank you so much for having me, Scott. What an honor for you to have me at the very end of my life. Yeah, I guess so. What are you, do you think it's gonna be today? Probably. Really? Look at the state of me, Scott. I guess so. What are you, do you think it's gonna be today? Probably. Really?

Look at the state of me, Scott. I mean, yeah, you don't look great, but. I think you're gorgeous. Oh my gosh, thank you. Here it comes. I've been in hospice care for a little while. How long? 17 years.

Wow. 17 years in hospice? That's a lot of money. Yeah. Someone from the insurance company. That's the first book? That's what you focus on, Tony, interesting. That's what you base all kind of value in life in. That's funny that you say that someone

from my insurance company, they keep sending people to kill me. Oh. To smother me with pillows. Really, how do you escape all of these? I'm biting them, Scott. You're biting the pillows. No, the men that I sent.

Oh. I got a little fight left in me. Biting the pillows seemed like a pretty good opening for me. Yeah, sorry. I'm gonna bide my time. Yeah, okay, you'll get there. What are you dying of? Yeah, yeah.

Well, my organs are the consistency of confetti. Oh no, that's a bad consistency. I'm being held together basically by paper mache at this point, Scott. I'm an art project. Parts of me are doll parts. No, the Courtney love. Has this been told to you by a doctor

that that's how it's described? Yeah, that's what, I saw a doctor this morning and he said I'd be dead by the afternoon. By the afternoon, I mean we're- In the afternoon. Yeah, I think we just crossed over, it's like 1203 at this point, just for future reference. Which parts are doll parts?

Here, here, here, here, all my legs and arms are doll parts. Both eyes. Both eyes? Yeah, if I lay down they close and I lay up they're open and then down they close and I lay up they're open. You know what the nurses say about me dying though? What's that? They say I'm going to outlive the devil, Scott.

Oh, that's a nice thought, I guess. I mean, the devil from Tony's MCI ink commercial. I feel like I was sent to this earth to get nurses to quit. It's my passion. Really? Is that really your passion? Oh, see a silver lining. Why do they quit?

Because of, uh, they're, they're just like, I guess the end is in sight for a lot of these nurses of like this job will end it, you know, within a couple of days or a month. Are you asking me for my hot tips on how to get a nurse to quit? I guess I am. I'm a professional at it.

I'm so good. Nurses hate these tricks, but there's nothing they can do about it. Exactly. Step one, come out of every nap swinging. Oh, okay. And what, and you're lucid enough, cognizant enough to know that, oh, better start swinging?

Yeah, better immediately out of every nap and then aim for the moon, hitting a nurse in the face. Oh, okay. But you can at least scare the bejesus out of them, land amongst the stars. Right, okay. Also, I don't actually swallow my pills. I spit them into their Stanley water bottles

and then I watch them start to fade throughout the day. Okay. Gosh. Wow. Do they, and they don't know this. They don't know. They don't know. Wow.

Wow. This sounds fun. Yes, I gaslight the shit out of these nurses, Scott. Why do you hate the nurses so much? It's just for sport. I don't hate them. Have you always, even before you were sick, have you just hated them?

Uh-huh. So is there some trauma with nurses from your childhood? Trauma? Trauma. Germany trauma? Germany trauma. Did you maybe see like a particular soprano's episode that where you saw a nurse shaking hands?

Yeah, with shaking hands giving someone chemo and it just messed with me. Wait, 17 years ago, that's pretty close. That's, I mean, this was 2001. So that was 23 years ago, but of course you saw a repeat. Has anyone ever told you you look like Thomas Jefferson? I do get that a lot. You know, I met him.

What? Did you? At the end of his life. And he died on the 4th of July. Isn't that fun? That's right. Say it was John Adams. Wait, the real Thomas? How old are you?

I didn't hear you. I think I heard the word. Uh-oh, there she goes. Is this happening? I think Wooly has a question before you die. Yeah. Just if you feel like it's coming, coming on, just give me a nod. Have you ever had sex with anyone who died in the middle of it?

Have you had sex with anyone period? Have I ever had sex? Yeah. Yeah, a few in my time. Okay. Was this during, while you were sick or before? Both. During the, every war I would have a lot of sex.

And then, yeah, the last time I had have a lot of sex and then Yeah, I the last time I had sex with with one of the nurses. That's another way I I go whatever you do don't fall in love with me cuz I'm dying. Oh Don't fall in love with me and that works their heart Wow Wait, you felt you fell in love with this nurse, but then you also this nurse clear you didn't hate Well, I pretended to love him got him to fall in love with me. And then I broke his heart. Oh, okay. And so he quit.

And then he quit. It seems like it would be easier just to treat your nurses. Okay. And then they wouldn't quit and you wouldn't be hiring new nurses all the time. What? I don't know. I couldn't either. What?

What then? What am I, what am I living for? Why am I waking up in the morning? If not to get a nurse to quit, Scott? I would like to hear Wooley's response to that. What do you think she's living for? I think the idea that we only get one life and we have to spend it however we choose is enough reason to keep going.

And if you want to lie in that bed, getting those bedsores and getting nurses to quit, well, that's the way you've chosen and I respect your choice. Gosh, that's hard to hear. Yeah. Well, especially the bedsores part because now that I'm looking, I've just been, you know, right locked into your eyes, but I start- Yeah, my doll eyes. Yeah, I gaze down at your body and you're just covered with bedsores everywhere. Thank you, Scott.

That's not really a compliment. Kind of beautiful, huh? Are they kind of badges of honor? Yeah, I gazed down at your body and you're just covered with dead souls. Thank you, Scott. That's not really a compliment. Kind of beautiful, huh? Are they kind of badges of honor? Yeah, of course. Also proof of life. Yeah. Also another hot tip, hold onto all your bodily fluids, you never know when you're going to

want to pee on a nurse. Oh, Lord. Good point, yeah. You never know. Is that what that water pistol is? Uh-huh. Wow. Uh-huh.

And you know, Scott, I feel like you and I are a lot alike. I do too. Why would you both say that? I'd like to. Apart from the same cloth. In what way? I think I'm- You don't see it?

I don't think I'm dying, but- There's just a vibe. I think there's a similar vibe. Yeah. You probably try to get nurses fired. You hate nurses, namely you're cruel to them. Right, Scott? I'm not around a ton of nurses.

You squirt urine at them from a toy pistol? I mean, one of my sisters is a nurse, so I, I tend to treat her very well. I did not a lot of urine involved in our relationship. Although I guess, you know, like she's come over here and I have peed in the toilet once while she was in the house. And she probably heard it like a stream. Yeah, she probably heard it and thought to herself like, Is he shooting that at me?

Shouldn't bathrooms be like sound insulated? Hmm. Well, they actually should. I'm sorry. I'm so confused. How do you, why do you guys wake up in the morning? What's, what's the passion in your belly? What gets you out of bed?

Have you ever seen an owl? Yeah, a couple of times, maybe at a zoo. Oh, okay. At a zoo? Yeah. Are owls at zoos? I don't know. Kind of a shitty zoo. Some, some ow, maybe at a zoo. Oh, okay. At a zoo? Yeah. Are owls at zoos? I don't know, kind of a shitty zoo.

Some owls are at zoos, sure. I guess. That can't be the only thing at a zoo. I mean, owls are not exactly... I mean, it can't be the only thing at a zoo. No, it can't be the only thing. It's interesting to think if someone said they saw an animal at the zoo and you would think that was the only animal that was there.

I'm just saying, a bad zoo, you walk in, they go, here's one owl. All right, see you later. Even a bad zoo is better than the best dog pound. Thank you. I agree with that, yeah. And you know what? The best dog pound, they're doing what they can.

Yeah, that's a good point. I don't know, Tony, why do you wake up in the morning? Is it the fame? Is it the riches? Sounds like it's the riches for you. Is it all the money you're saving at hospice care? Yeah. I mean, tons.

I think it's just a rational thoughts. Like I'll just, like something maybe, say I was at a party the night before and I had a conversation with someone. If I wake up at three in the morning, I'll start to analyze the conversation and maybe think a little irrationally about it rather than in the daytime, I would have just been like,

yeah, that was a nice conversation. Right, interesting. What are you gonna think about this show? Oh my God. We can't wait for this circus at three. Ms. Macadabia. Oh, yes. I have a question.

Oh, okay. Ah, ah! Cock block like a press conference. How much time do you have? Do you have time for two more? I don't know, I could be dead at any second. Oh, there she goes. What a shame.

Wait, can everyone else hear my grandma's voice telling us to come towards the light? No. You can't hear it? Sorry, no. But that's kind of a nice thought. Oh, I hated my grandma. Oh, that's too bad. Well, then ignore her.

Okay. Gosh, she's screaming though. God, she's so loud. You don't hear that? No. I never heard it occurred to me that if you were were dying someone would be yelling at you to come towards the light Get the fuck over here. I always imagined it was gentle. Yeah, she's bossing me around. What was your question? Do you oh so I Use okay. I feel like that when you say hate nurses, I hear the word hate a lot, right? Yeah, you hate him. I hate him. Oh, I hate oh, I'm so sorry

I would like to break that down in just a second. But with that much hate, you usually find people who then have a lot of fear, you know, like there's a lot of paranoia, but you don't seem to have that fear or that paranoia about death or anything. No, I'm not scared of anything. So you're not afraid to die? No, no, I welcome it. You welcome it. So why wouldn't you give into it? Yeah, why are you holding on so tightly?

Have you ever tried to just let go? No, I've just always been a fighter. You know, I boxed a kangaroo once. Ooh, which one? Gosh. What's his name? Was it one of the ones inside the pouch of a larger one? A child?

A Joey? A Joey? Do you know that that pouch is fleshy and not soft? I know, you look at them and you think like, oh wow, it's like just kind of like a pocket on your jeans. But no, it's filled with mucus. It's disgusting. Yeah.

You know, part of what's keeping me alive is just to piss off my sons. Oh, how many sons do you have? I got two sons and I hate them, Scott. Oh gosh. I hate to hear that. They want me to die. And every day I call and I pretend to be the nurse

and I go, he passed peacefully this morning. And I say that to them and they cheer. And then I go, and I'm a liar to you. I'll never die you stupid sons. They're still falling for this and they cheer every single day. And then I go boo boo. And I go, yeah, boo me idiots. You'll be paying for me for the next 50 years.

I'll live both of you. Was your relationship ever better than that? No. Oh no, I'm sorry. No, I hate my son. So you probably, yeah, Scott, you get it. You hate your kids. No, I only have one child and I believe I love her.

I haven't checked in today, but I don't think my feelings have changed really. I'm crossing them an arm and a leg, those fools. Yeah, both arms. And ever since they were born, you just always despise them? Oh yeah, just hate them. Oh gosh.

You had a question, Wooly. Yeah, but is your husband still in the picture? Ex-husband. Oh, is he still alive? Yeah, I make him come over every day to rub my feet. And rub your feet. Yeah, and rub my feet. Why would he do this?

Because he made a vow. Yeah, but he's not your husband anymore. You know those vows you make at your wedding? I think it's because you're married. Those should be legal. Like, you should, you can't break those. Otherwise, they throw you in jail. Even if you write your own vows.

Yes, exactly. But if you do break them, you shouldn't have to feel obligated to go rub your ex-wife's feet. Don't tell him this. According to you, your ex-husband feet. Don't tell him this. Okay. According to you, your ex-husband feels because he made those vows, even though you've separated, he still is going, was that in his vows? I'm going to rub your feet every day? Yeah, I wrote his vows and switched them out morning of the wedding.

No, the old flagging in the dragon. And you got to read them. I Danny-cate him. The challenge with the palace. Yes, and I got electrocuted just like Danny Cade in that movie, the day of my wedding. That's how. Changed my whole personality.

I was a lovely woman and then I. Oh, so you know you're kind of a monstrous. Yeah. Me, the lady that swings at nurses three times a day is a monster? How do you figure that? You're napping three times a day. I'm a thousand years old.

Are you a wealthy woman? I mean, don't tell my sons or my ex that, but yeah. Because that long in hospice, I don't mean to get back to the money, but I've got a lot of money. Yes, you're obsessed with. Well, your sons, are they doing well? I mean, they're spending a lot of money on hospice.

They were, but now they're spending a lot of money on hospice. Yeah, where do you sock it away? Um, I bury stuff in the yard. Oh, that's smart. Yeah. Gold coins, gold bars, lottery tickets. Yeah. Lottery tickets.

That haven't been cashed in? No, no. Winning lottery tickets or? Who's to say? Scratchers? I hope so. I hope. You only have a certain limited amount of time to cash those in.

Oh, I don't know. I, if I've lived this long, maybe I'll live for- Have you cashed in a lot of them? Oh, there she goes, she's gone. I can't believe you're here. Another fatality here. Oh, she's gone. Ah.

Is that a real one or are you sacking his house? I don't know, for attention? You think I would fake die for attention? Yeah, it sounds like you would. I personally think Wully was brought here today for you. I think there is- How do you figure? I don't know. There's a spirit of wooly that I think

could be very utilizing you. Yeah, or at least balance you out to wooly. Ms. Macadamia, can I ask you this? Oh, here it comes. Are you happy? Oh no, not the question I thought he was gonna ask. No, I feel like that kind of thinking would poison my blood. I feel like I'd get a rash if I felt happy.

If you felt happy? Yeah. Have you ever felt happy? I guess right before I got electrocuted on my wedding day. I felt pretty happy. Do you ever reflect on a thing that most gave you pleasure in life? What did most give you pleasure in life? Great question.

Like the birth of your son or, you know. The other son? No, not both. Or a vibrator? Yeah, I guess my vibrator. Hmm. No, you know, the last thing to give me pleasure is when my nurse threw down her RN little badge and said, I can't do this.

My mom was a nurse. My grandmother was a nurse. I was passionate about this. And you broke me. And that was the last time I felt joy. You have to turn in your badge. Do you ever wonder, oh yeah, you can turn in your badge and gun if you're a nurse and quit. Yeah.

Have you ever, have you ever followed up on what happened to these nurses after they stopped being nurses to you? No, you're not going to believe this. They stopped answering my calls once I break them. But you never heard anything. No. You've never had a stranger come up to you on the street say, you know, I was your nurse for a little while. Well, she's in hospice care. Oh, that's true. No. Well, I mean, you're here. Yeah, I mean, sometimes I have them wheel me out. Does the hospice know that you're here? No. Gosh. How did you fool them? Well, I mean, I put-

Should tie your sheets together? Yeah. I fell out of the window. It's a horrible fall. Oh. Turns my organs even more into confetti. Oh, too bad. And then I put a really haunted doll in the bed. I mean, that'll fool them for a couple hours. Yeah, you're kind of indistinguishable

from a haunted doll in a way, because that means, yeah, you're made of so many doll parts. Yeah. And your doll size. Yeah. Do they get angry? Your name is long way. They probably don't get angry when you escape either. Yeah, no. I mean, many doll parts. And your doll size. Do they get angry? Your name is long, Langston. You don't get angry when you escape either.

Yeah, no, I mean, well, do you hear those helicopters? Yeah, no. I'm sure they're for me. I think they found me. Oh, I'm hearing one. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I'm also hearing the beginning of White Rabbit. Yeah.

I think we're having a Vietnam flashback. One bill makes you bigger, and one bill makes you small. You guys can hear that, right? This is usually how the devil tries to copy. If you don't do anything at all. I didn't know the helicopter had such a lovely rhythm. Wow.

Okay, I think it's over. Were any of us in Vietnam? Oh, she's gone. She's gone, finally, for real. She's gone. She's gone. Well, RIP Shirley Macadamia. Oh, she's gone. She's gone, finally, for real. She's gone. She's gone. Well, RIP Shirley Macadamia. Oh, she's back. Hi, Scott, thank you so much for having me.

It's an honor, I'm sure, to have you here at the end of my life. My name is Shirley Macadamia. Shirley, if I told you that the Earth is going to just implode in one year, would that make you feel better about the time you have left? No, I'm pretty sure I'd outlive that. I'd find a way. It'd be me and the cockroaches playing poker. I don't think the cockroaches.

You ever see the lottery winner? The painting of cockroaches playing poker? Yeah, famous. With the dogs? Yeah. You got to zoom in really close. And ants. You know what I think would be good for us? A body switch. What if you and me freaky Friday'd? zoom in really close. Enhance. You know what I think would be good for us? A body switch. Oh.

What if you and me freaky Friday'd? Okay, how do we make it happen? Because it's an experience I've never had and I'd love to have it. Very quickly also before we do that, would you like to have sex with me? Could I get a hug first? Sure, absolutely. No charge. What if you guys freaky Friday'd and then had sex? Okay.

Now we're talking. That is. That's interesting. That's very interesting. I'm interested in that sort of thing. This is a fun sort of thing to do. That's right. That sort of thing is interesting to me. That sort of thing you fight interesting.

This is the spark we've been looking for. Yeah. A lot of my parts are doll parts. So your type is freaky Friday-ing and having sex with yourself. Yes. Okay. Are you kidding? Wow.

Are you kidding? Who wouldn't? Look at me. I have four hairs on the top of my head. Sticking out in every corner of my head. I'm a freak. I'm a freak. I'm a freak. I'm a freak. I'm a freak. I'm a freak. I'm a freak. Yes. Are you kidding? Who wouldn't look at me? I have four hairs on the top of my head,

sticking out in every direction. I don't love to comment on my appearance. North, East, South and West. You're like a compass. Yeah, and because of the lightning strike, I'm magnetized. Watch this. Yeah. Oh! Oh, gosh. My watch. My phone. I'll be bearing these in the backyard with all my lottery tickets. Oh man. Is that how you get all that gold?

Mm-hmm. Is there anyone in your life, I mean, that you've wanted to reach out to to sort of make amends or to wrap up, you know, you have- Unfinished business? Well, I prank call a lot of the people I hate around town. Smart. Yeah.

I think prank calls are great because it's fun for the person prank calling and then the person gets pranked they have a story. Yeah. Exactly. You guys are hearing sort of that like drum beat from hell calling me forward, right? I didn't know it was from hell. Yeah, it's hell. Hell is beckoning me.

Do you feel it if you're going to hell? Huh. I mean, I don't know why I would sort of have lived a pristine life. I don't know, you're a very unpleasant woman. Oh, Scott, you, you think I am? Yeah, I mean, just from what you've described, maybe you're lying about all of this. I, you know, I don't want to take you at face value,

but if- Unpleasant, unpleasant, unpleasant. If you truly mean everything you've said, I mean, I don't think I would want to be someone in your life. Is it my smell? I mean, that doesn't help. I wasn't going to mention it, but the odor is, it's unique. I think it's pungent.

I mean, I need it. I love New York. I need New York. Oh, Willie. You and I are about to have an evening. We're going to have an evening. We're going to have an evening, you and me. How do we do the Freaky Friday?

Tony, have you got any ideas? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I need New York. You and I are about to have an evening. We're gonna have an evening. We're going to have an evening, you and me. How do we do the Freaky Friday? Tony, have you Freaky Friday'd with anyone before, switched bodies? I have not switched bodies. Have you heard any legends?

Well, there's that one- I think there's that famous legend with Jamie Lee Curtis where she switched a body. Yeah, how did they do it? I haven't seen it. They did it in a racist way in that one. What was it? I don't want to talk about it. Is that what the song I Don't Want to Talk About It is about? It's about the Freaky Friday? It's Lainty Lowe and Jamie Lee Curtis. In the original with Barbara Harris and Jodie Foster, they simply made a wish at the same time. Yeah,

that's a popular trope. Maybe you guys could do that. But unbeknownst to each other. Yeah. Okay, so maybe you guys could, unbeknownst to each other, just make a wish to do this thing. Okay, I'm going to manifest having sex with a woman who's mostly a doll. I'm imagining it, I'm wishing it. Maybe that's not the exact wish. Have you wished this a lot? This is a common fantasy for you? I mean, I'm alive, right? Right, right, right. We all have the same. Of course. We're all humans, right? I think they have the same wish, which was I wish that I could have the life of the other person. I wish I could trade places with the other person. Yeah, that's the difference. Not just I wish I could have sex with a doll. Myself.

Because honestly, to wish to have sex with a doll, you can't very easily. There's so many dolls to have sex with. Oh, I just need you to sign this waiver before we have sex. Oh sure, absolutely. If I die during it, you're not going to. Sue? Complain. You? Sue?

Complain? Well, you won't hear a word of complaint from me. Yeah. There's an NDA for complaining? Yeah, you can't complain. If I die while we have sex, you cannot complain. Would you say you, you obviously get mad at the nurses, but do you complain?

Are you a complainer? Um, let's see. Do I complain? Yeah, I'd say all day, constantly. I say, open the window, close the window, bring me a Gatorade. No, not that Gatorade. I don't think they're missing you now.

What's your favorite color of Gatorade? Oh, the yellow one. Oh, it's a good one. And I like it warm. Yeah. I like a boiled Gatorade. Absolutely. What's wrong, Tony?

It's the consistency in color of pee. Yeah. Exactly. Oh, gracious. Did you say your mom was a nurse and your grandmother? No. Who's the nurse who quit? The nurse who quit. Oh, okay.

I was trying. I was still thinking about her. Mm-hmm. She was speaking in the character of the nurse who quit. Well, because you were thinking about her salary and how much she gets paid to do all that. That's a really, really great lineage you have. Yeah, yeah.

Now, if you are to die while we're having sex, to do all that. It's a really, really great lineage you have. Yeah, yeah. Now, if you are to die while we're having sex, would you like me to stop? Oh my. Nope. Oh dear. Oh, but now I realize it will be, if the Freaky Friday is successful.

Oh, you'll die in my body. Wait, is that why you want a Freaky Friday so much? You want a younger 32 year old supple body to inhabit? I don't know. Who, me? This is your master plan, is to Freaky Friday with one of us? I hate to be negative.

Not us, him. Yeah, well, I mean. Whatever we do, we have to do it quick. I hear the helicopters, they're finding me. Surely, I hate to say this this because it sounds very negative, but I don't want to die with just one year left on planet Earth. Is that your second negative thought in your life? Oh my gosh, Willie, you just had a negative thought.

It might be. Oh, what a horrible day. I mean, I think just- I've done it again. I am spreading the bad energy. I'm rousing myself. Oh, surely. Oh, I feel so good. Like, some cigarette.

You did it to Wooly? Oh, that is good. Now you're narrating what you're doing? Yeah, oh my gosh, I'm smoking a cigarette. Boy, I broke my streak. This is terrible. God, that's a lot. That's your third.

Oh, that's a negative thought. Oh, boy, oh, boy. Oh my. Gotta get back on track. Do you still wanna have sex? No, that did it for me, I finished. Oh, okay. Wow, at least you gave her an orgasm.

Yeah, you're welcome. That's a positive thought, yeah. Would you like to come with me to the next place I'm going? Where is it? The Scottish Highlands, I think. All right, throw me in your suitcase. Sure, I think you'll fit. Does a dog have a suitcase?

No, she's a doll. No, but you're a dog, right? Is that how you're getting on the plane? Some dogs have suitcases, I guess. I guess Snoopy did when he, in that Snoopy Come Home movie. 100% he did.

And he flew. That's true. Although his friend Woodstock was mainly flying. Oh, that's true. He did fly his own plane sometimes. Yeah. That's it.

Well, those are fantasies. Those are fantasies. Yeah. They should make a new Snoopy movie where he's just a pilot and it's never explained. Just a pilot. And the fantasy is he's a dumb dog. Well, look, uh, guys, we're running out of time. Can you believe it?

I can't. I can't either. Scott, where'd you get that pillow? Are you working for the insurance company? Uh, I wasn't going to do anything with this. I, uh, it was just going to stay here behind my neck. Why were you holding it and approaching Shirley? Oh, I was going to see if you, you know, could be more

comfortable with it behind your face area. Don't never catch me bite. Ow! Nick! Wait, now I'm narrating. Yeah. All right. We're running out of time.

We only have time for one final feature on the show. That is of course a little something called Plugs. Miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, miam, m I knew it. Thanks to Father Novice for that plugs theme. If you have a plugs theme, go to cbbworld.com slash plugs and upload it there. And what do we plug in Tony? Obviously the Decameron. So fun. You'll have a great time watching it. Yeah. It's really fun.

What else is on the horizon? Anything else going on? What's on the horizon? Or are you in the Toy Story 5 or can you not say until you see the trailer? I didn't even know I was in Toy Story 4 until I heard my voice in the trailer. Wow.

Do you think you'll be in this next one? Did I just repeat what you just said? I think you did. So your memory problems have extended to just right now. It's really bad. It's really bad. I'm also having a hard hearing. Anyways.

Hmm. What'd you ask me? Are you gonna be in Toy Story 5? My God, man. I'm also having a hard hearing. Anyways, would you ask me? Are you gonna be in Toy Story 5? My God, man. I haven't heard. I'm so sad by Shirley. By, oh yeah, I know.

It's just that Shirley caused that kind of havoc on Woolly. You're welcome. No, she's singing Moana songs. Shirley, what do you have to plug? You can check out Hey Riddle Riddle, our sitcom D&D on the Headgum Network. Hey riddle riddle with a bing da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da

da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Right. Just anyone who is in a paid position where they have to deal with the public. Yeah. And Scott endorses that as well. Me and Scott are united on that. Scott, are you united on that? I don't think so, but I don't want to be rude to our guests necessarily.

And Woolly Doorgosh, what do you want to plug? I want to plug, first of all, life on planet earth. It's great. Uh, secondly, going to see live comedy and, uh, maybe you could see, uh, some comedy if you go to a website called paulftopkins.com slash live and see if maybe that this fellow was coming to where you live. Yeah, I bet he is. Wow.

You're friends with Paul. I just, I'm just a fan. Oh, and he lists your, Wow, you're friends with Paul? I just, I'm just a fan. Oh, that's nice. And he lists your live dates on his website, or no, it's his own live dates. Yes. Okay, so he isn't tracking where you go. I don't think so.

And lists that on his website. I don't think so. Do you support other, do you do this for a lot of other comics? Oh, tons. Oh, that's nice. Tons. He's just the most, the one that popped into my mind today. Oh, that's nice.

But I'm constantly recommending comedians to people. Okay, well, I mean, you know, that's a good segue because the aforementioned Paula Tompkins and I are going back out on the road starting this week, starting Tuesday. Born! Can you imagine? We're gonna be in Salt Lake City on Tuesday

and then Denver Wednesday, Austin on Thursday, Dallas on Friday, Toronto on Sunday. And then next week we are in Royal Oak, Michigan, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Ohio, Indianapolis, Chicago, Madison, and St. Paul, all of those places. And then we go to the West Coast, and then in September we'll be in the UK and Ireland. And this is kind of interesting.

Our second show in Dublin was sold out, but we just got switched to a larger theater. So tickets are now back on sale for both nights. So if you could only go to the night that was sold out, there are new tickets available for that. So it's two nights, but at a bigger place. Yeah, two nights. The second night is in a bigger place.

The second, first at a bigger place. Yeah, two nights. The second night is in a bigger place. The second, first night, small place. The bigger place is not available that night, from what I understand. So, one night, intimate crowd. Second night, huge cavernous barn. Yes, exactly. And we're gonna be in Glasgow, and London, and Bristol, and Dublin, and Manchester.

So we wanna see you out there. All the live dates are at cbbworld.com slash tour. And these have been really fun shows. If you wanna follow us along while we're on tour, go to cbbworld.com and Maximus subscribers can listen to all of those shows. And this is also a big new announcement. Pre-orders are-

A P&A? Yeah, that's right. Pre-orders are open now for the new Comedy Bang Bang action figures, the second wave. We now have Spreg the Whisperer and Big Sue are available. Figures will be shipping in September. The pre-orders are open now. They are available for customers worldwide at shop.figurecollections.com and you get

free shipping if you have a US address or in Europe you have cheaper import fees at action figure seller.com. So those the first wave was very well received. They all sold out. So get these while they're hot because you do not want to miss out on the Sprague the Whisperer as well as the Big Sue action figures. Third wave coming up after that, and then we have more planned after that. Collect them all. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. ["Up In Love"] Oh, beautiful. That was Have You Tried Looking In by Nels for Smells. Thank you to Nels for Smells.

And if you have a plugs theme again, all the different stems of the plugs themes are up there over at cbbworld.com slash plugs. And gosh, I wanna thank, I'm sorry, I don't mean to mention you, DoorGosh, Mr. DoorGosh, of course. Call me Wally. I will, with two L's.

But Tony, it's such a pleasure to have you on the show. It's wonderful to hang out have you on the show. It's wonderful to hang out with you. So fun. And continued success to you, and I'm gonna hold you to that forky message. Yes. Yes. Please.

Do you have your phone now? I do have my phone right now, yeah. Is this really happening right in front of us? Can you imagine? How do I get to the voice memos? Here, I'll do it. Okay, you know where it is? And what was your sweet child's name?

Emmy. Emmy. Okay, ready? Hey, Emmy. This is Forky from Toy Story. How's it going? Hey, I have heard you are the coolest kid and I just wanted to say hello. All right.

I hope you have a great week. Bye-bye. Oh, wonderful. Oh, she's going to love that. And then in the future, I'm going to explain how that all came to be. Bye bye! Oh, wonderful. Oh, she's gonna love that. And then in the future, I'm gonna explain how that all came to be. Can you call my sons as Forky

and just absolutely destroy them? And say that she died? What are their names? Their names are Brendan and Dylan and I hate them. Hey, Rendy. Dylan, your mama wants you to die. What's your, oh my God. What does he always say?

What? Oh shoot. Ask a question. What does he say? I don't know. I don't know. Why does she want to do that? I don't know.

He just says that over and over. Are you doing more of those? Because I've seen those approximately 500 times. I would love to. I think they were, they did such a good job. They were very funny. So beautiful. Yeah. And Willie Dorgos,orgas wonderful to to talk to you. What a wonderful. Sorry. Yeah, I'm over here now

I'm in this body You guys Freaky Friday. Yep Because my eyes are pebbles simultaneous wish and yeah, I It hurts to be her. Um, looking forward to having sex and switching right back. Yeah, don't have sex until the show's over. Is that okay? I'm running away. Avert your eyes.

Oh, you guys are, oh, oh no. Here we go. One, two, three. I'm doing a countdown for sex? Oh no, alright. Sex! Oh god, alright, we'll see you next time! Thanks, bye!