Comedy of the Week - Paul Sinha's Perfect Pub Quiz

Episode Date: December 2, 2024

Paul celebrates his 50th stand-up show for Radio 4 with questions about anniversaries, 2011 (the year of his first show on the network), and his home borough of Croydon. In return, his audience tests his knowledge of tax years, anagrams, and the Crystal Palace.Written and performed by Paul Sinha Additional material: Oliver Levy Additional questions: The AudienceOriginal music: Tim SuttonRecording engineer: David Thomas Mixed by: Rich Evans Producer: Ed MorrishA Lead Mojo production for BBC Radio 4

BBC Sounds music radio podcasts. Hello, Pugh Dennis here with something important to tell you before you listen to your podcast today. For 98 years, Radio 4 and St Martin in the Fields have worked together to support those facing homelessness. This Christmas, so many people are wishing for a home to call their own and we need your help once again. To find out more about how you can

help someone's wish for a home come true, just search online for Radio 4 Christmas Appeal. When times are difficult for so many, thank you for helping people into safe, secure homes. Now enjoy your podcast. Geography and history and music films and telly, everyone who's ever lived from Taylor Swift to Botticelli. What a fun night to evening this is, welcome to Paul Sinhar's Perfect Pub Quiz. What a round of applause that was. Thank you very much and welcome to another episode of Paul Sinhar's Perfect Pub Quiz in which I, comedian, published memoirist and smug-faced chaser Paul Sinhar, try to show you that there's more to a pub quiz than using Shazam just to win a bar tab for

next week when none of your team are actually around. In fact, the punishment for anyone today found to be cheating is that you will be deported to Rwanda. I'm deadly serious and even that joke reflects how quickly the news can change and how difficult it is for a quiz setter to keep up. Well can I take a moment to hope with full sincerity that you've all had a very brat summer. Whatever that means. This episode has been recorded with the lovely Stanley Arts in South London.

CHEERING If you don't know Stanley Arts, it's the venue that's a mere two miles away from the Croydon shopping centre where Terry and June kept missing one another in their opening credits. LAUGHTER Many of the facts will have a similar local feel

or, indeed indeed reflect the latest in cutting-edge pop culture like that one. Skibbidy toilet. And in that spirit, let's start with some quick-fire questions. We start with a nice easy one. 1969 was a massive year for two Americans with which surname. In this year one of them famously said we have all the time in the world and the other said that's one small step for man one giant leap for mankind. Armstrong is correct one walking on the moon the other singing the ending theme for on Her Majesty's Secret Service. Your follow-up questions what nickname was Louis Armstrong best known

as? Satchmo is correct, but do you know what it's short for? Satchelmouth. You're quick and you're good, it is Satchelmouth. And now we come to one of my favourite elements of a pub quiz, anagrams. Satchelmouth is an anagram of the name of which man in the news in October 2024? Thomas Tuchel. Thomas Tuchel, there you go, give him a round of applause. We've been infiltrating what a countdown crowd, get ready, get ready, it's Thomas Tuchel. The entirely healthy and not remotely dysfunctional footballing rivalry between England and Germany

of course goes back to the 1966 World Cup. But which local celebrity connected with the 1966 World Cup starred in the title role of the 1966 comedy film The Spy with a Cold Nose? Peckles. You weren't fooled, were you? The answer is Peckles. Dog, whose second biggest claim to fame,

was starring with Lawrence Harvey, Eric Sykes, Denham Elliott and June Whitfield in a film where he literally portrayed the title character, the spy with a cold nose. A dog who has a listening device implanted into him by the British Secret Service in order to conduct covert espionage against the Russians. Oh that Pickles were alive today. That was Pickles' second biggest claim to fame. His biggest claim to fame, of course, is discovering the stolen World Cup, a dramatic tale of a dog just up the road from here on Beulahill going for a walk just finding a stolen trophy. His owner, David Corbett, collected £5,000 as a reward, the equivalent of £80,000 now.

Pickles was awarded the silver medal of the National Canine Defence League. It was heard to grumble, I'd sooner have the money. What of the trophy itself? Can anyone tell me what happened to it in 1970? It was indeed given to Brazil. Brazil won it for the third time in 1970 and were handed the Jewellery-Maderophy for good, for posterity. And which country can you now find the Jules Rimet Trophy? It got nicked. It got nicked, you're right.

Everyone else got their answer right by saying, I don't know, because none of us actually know which country it is now. It actually got nicked from a museum in Rio in 1983, causing the ghosts of Pickles to growl, honestly, I don't know why I bother. LAUGHTER Ironically, the only nation that weren't surprised with this turn of events were the Germans, who by this stage were very familiar with the idea of going to Brazil and disappearing completely.

LAUGHTER Ah, history. So, er... Before we move on, does anyone have any questions? Do you know why the tax year is when it is? Oh, April, I thought you said a tax year, lack of coordination. Not when, but why? The tax year.

No, I don't. It's approximately nine months before the 25th of March, which in the Julian calendar was the conception of who? Lester Pigiggott. LAUGHTER Jesus. And then it got moved 11 days when he went from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar, and it's now the sixth to fifth of April.

Oh, that's a very good question. I've got to say, these... APPLAUSE These HMRC reminders are getting more and more obscure. LAUGHTER Can you name all four elements of the periodic table named after planets? Well, that's the obvious three, isn't there? There is uranium, neptunium and plutonium, 92, 93, 94. But the other one is probably tellurium.

It's mercury. In which case there's five, because tellurium means earth in Greek, so there's actually five. Oh you've got to make a good point there. So it's actually tellurium. Although plutonium was named after planets. we're getting to a very philosophical debate here. Because it was a planet when plutonium was named. What a debate. Should we just have the rest of the show as a philosophical debate? Our next questions are broadly themed around the fact that today's episode represents a 50th anniversary. For me and my producer Ed Morish.

Paul, could you read what it says in the script please? Alright, for me and my genius producer the, Ed Morish. Paul, could you read what it says in the script, please? All right. For me and my genius producer, the brilliant Ed Morish. Thank you. Not 50 years, obviously. This is our 50th episode of mixing comedy with facts, a genre that the critics have called Facts. So let's celebrate the big five-o with our mainstay

of traditional quizzing, the gifts associated with anniversaries. So the question to start naturally given our location, how many years are marked by a crystal anniversary? Twenty. Twenty is porcelain. Twenty-five. Ten.

No, ten is tin. That's an easy one to remember. If you want a mnemonic, ten, change one of the letters, tin. It's really... 15. 15 is the answer. Give a round of applause over there. 15. Good to see some marital longevity over there. It's 15 years. Which gift associated with the 40th anniversary shares his name with the number one single? Easy one there. The 2007 number one for the Kaiser Chiefs, sung by the Bradford-born Ricky Wilson. Your next question, in the unlikely event

of a 90th wedding anniversary, what would be the traditional gift? A couple. Hip replacement. Hip replacement. Not a hip replacement, that's a good answer. It's actually granite, presumably in the form of a three-foot tall slab with your partner's

name on it. Come on, you both had a good of things. And your last wedding gift question, also related to pop music, the title of which very famous number one hit single consists of the gift for a sixth wedding anniversary repeated. Funny, where you running. No. No. You may have misunderstood the nature of the English language there.

One word repeated and it's the sixth anniversary. 1969 I'm number one for eight weeks. The first number one hit single by a fictional band. Sugar Sugar is the answer. That's right it is Sugar Sugar is the answer. That's right, it is Sugar Sugar by the Archies. For your extra information, the lead singer of the Archies was called

Ron Dante and went on to co-produce Barry Manilow's first nine albums. By a bizarre coincidence Ron Dante's birth name is Carmine Granito, which is Italian for My Car is Granite. Carmine Granito, which is Italian for, my car is granite. LAUGHTER I joined the chase in 2011, the same year that Ed and I worked on our first show about whether I should support England or India at cricket. Even that issue has changed massively for me now.

Now I just support whichever team has the hottest players. LAUGHTER 2011 seems like an eternity ago. The United Kingdom had never considered leaving the EU. Moldova had never considered joining the EU. And our next questions are all about the year 2011. In 2011, who were the only British band to headline the pyramid stage at the Glastonbury Festival? It is actually Coldplay. That's how much has changed in 13 years. Which video game released in 2011 went on to become the biggest selling of all time? GTA 5.

GTA 5 is in second place? Minecraft. Minecraft is the correct answer, that's the ones I'm looking for. Minecraft, can you believe this, In 2011 I knew absolutely nothing about Minecraft. Anyway, which show which began in 2011 and celebrates its 50th episode in 2024 was described by Metro as jaw-droppingly passed its sell-by date saying that the BBC should hang its head in shame for showing this drivel.

Thank you for not saying me. You are great people. It is Mrs Brown's Boys. 13 years late it won a national TV award for best comedy. On December 30th 2011, Kim Jong Un assumed power in North Korea. I want you to come up with the answer here between yourselves. In which year was Kim Jong-un born? We've got one go on 83. He's got a very good moisturising regime. 84 is another guess. We've got 83 over there. It's either 82, 83 or 84.

Cheers for 82. We've got over there. It's either 82, 83 or 84. Cheers for 82. Cheers for 83. Cheers for 84. You're all correct. They're all the correct answer. Let me explain. It wasn't extremely hard labour, although that would have been appropriate for North Korea. The North Korean authorities say he was born on January the 8th, 1982. South Korean intelligence says it was 1983, and the US government lists his birth year as 1984.

I don't know, perhaps he was lying about his age to get into see American Pie in the cinema, I have no idea. In 2011, what became the largest country in Africa? Algeria. Algeria. So why did it become the largest country in Africa? South Sudan. South Sudan separated from Sudan.

Sudan was the largest country in Africa, then it split into two, and it's fair to say that everybody has lived happily ever after. And your final question for 2011, about which sportsman did my then boyfriend say Just face it Paul. He's never gonna win a Grand Slam tournament. He's miserable. He's Scottish his mum's miserable She's Scottish and he just doesn't have what it takes to win anything That's right That's right. Kenny Dalglish my boyfriend Didn't really understand sports before we on, does anyone have any questions?

Who is the only person to have won a Best Actor Oscar and a Best Screenwriting Oscar? Ooh. Sorry, I should say Best Acting. Oh. Oh, God, brilliant. Damn you. Yes, Emma Thompson. Yes, Howard Zend. And a Perry Award for Comedy Emma Thompson. Yes, Emma Thompson. Yes, Howard Zend. And a Perry Award for comedy as well. Very multitalented. What was the originally intended name for the world famous music venue Royal Albert Hall? Boaty McBoatface.

This is annoying as I know that my husband will know this one but I don't actually know. The Hall for Arts and Sciences. Thank you. Very boring in comparison. How many panes of glass are there or were there in the Crystal Palace when it was originally put up? To the nearest 10,000 will do. Bottom left.

Next to bottom left, 840,000. Close but no cigar. 293,000. 293,000 but no cigar. 293,000. 293,000. 655. 293,655. They still have the original purchase order. I feel like such an ignoramus now.

Once again, a round of applause for those questions. Your next question. What is the sort of local connection between this show, the two Humphrey Bogart movies, The African Queen and The Big Sleep, and the best picture Oscar winning film The English Patient? And to answer this question, we need to go on who wrote the works on which the shows were based. Very good answer over there. Give a round of applause over there. Because who wrote The African Queen?

CS Forrester. Who wrote The Big Sleep? Raymond Chandler. Who wrote this show? Me and the toughest one, the English patient, Michael Onjachi. All four of them went, at some stage of their life, to Dulwich College. For those of you who have never had the pleasure of driving along the All four of them went, at some stage of their life, to Dulwich College. For those of you who have never had the pleasure of driving along the South Circular Road, Dulwich College, arguably South East London's most famous public school, has an unusually imposing presence, not least in the summer when schoolboys in stripy bases and straw

hats can be seen playing croquet on the lawn, sending a defiant message to the rest of South London, if you want to bully us, we will put up no resistance whatsoever. And if there's one thing that Dulwich College has produced in abundance over the years, it's hedge fund managers, as I've discovered at many tedious school reunions. But if there's another, it's writers. It remains the only school to produce two winners of the Booker Prize. The aforementioned Michael Onjache, but also Graham Swift, who won with which 1996 novel? Last Orders. You didn't need the cast of the 2001 film. The cast included Tom Courtney, David

Hemings, Ray Winston, Bob Hoskins, Helen Mirren and Michael Cain. That is quite a cast for a film that nobody has seen. Dalwich College naturally proudly trumpets its association with P.G. Woodhouse, but seems a bit more reticent about Dennis Wheatley, the horror writer and one of the world's best-selling authors from the 30s to the 60s. Reason being, he hated the school and was expelled for forming a secret society. By rumour, Dennis Wheatley is not the only famous writer to have been expelled from Dulwich.

It was the man who wrote the following words. I wanna die peacefully in my sleep like my father, not screaming and terrified like his passengers. Bob Monkhouse, that's correct, I'm speaking of Bob Monkhouse. The story goes that Bob Monkhouse was that's correct, I'm speaking of Bob Monkhouse. The story goes that Bob Monkhouse was already very funny at school and he'd started writing jokes about the Beano and the Dandy. But his time at Dulwich came to an ignominious end when he was expelled for climbing up the

clock tower and throwing toilet rolls off it. I must stress, this story has been doing the rounds for a long time now and it seems we may never know whether it's true. But if it seems like a strange coincidence that a comedian and quiz-er like myself went to the same school as a genuine superstar both comedy and quiz shows, the next coincidence is even weirder.

I'm very much only the second most successful gay comedian, memoirist, and former doctor to have gone to Dulwich College. Who is the most successful? Doctor Adam Kay to you, the best-selling author of This Is Going to Hurt and played by Ben Wishaw in television in the most wildly flattering piece of casting since Emma Stone played Billie Jean King. But over the years however, Delich College has produced not just hedge fund managers and writers.

Can you identify the following people? The actor son of British actor Angela Thorne and the husband of Devler Curran? Rupert Penry Jones. Rupert Penry Jones, one year below me at school. A British journalist and presenter, best known for being the original host of The Krypton Factor? Gordon Burns.

Gordon Burns is correct. England's World Cup winning cricket captain in 2019? Owen Morgan, born in Dublin but unbelievably briefly a student at Dulwich College. I say briefly, he won the World Cup, we'll have it, he was at Dulwich College. Cricket was always big at Dulwich College. In fact my senior housemaster, a man called John Dewes, Captain Middlesex and played test cricker for England in the 1950s. It seems I'm not the only one who remembers John Dewes, who in his autobiography plays tribute to the

careers advice he received from John Dewes, saying, he must have spotted that I was quite ballsy, probably good on a platform, unafraid of the limelight, a bit noisy and good at selling things. It is Nigel Farage, the current MP for Clacton. I mean John Dews told me I'd make a brilliant doctor, so seriously, what did he know? Farage left in 1982, I joined in 1983, so our paths never crossed, although we were both at the school when Kim Jong Un was born. I'd like to point out that nothing that has happened since has been my fault. We now have some questions about the London borough of Croydon.

Let's come back to the football club down the road. Why are Crystal Palace FC called the Eagles? Let me tell you it may surprise you to know the Crystal Palace FC like the band the Eagles have only been known as the Eagles since the 1970s before that they were known as the Glaziers because Because of the Crystal Palace in 1973 Fl, Flamboyant football manager Malcolm Allison arrived at the club. He took one look around and decided that the image

of the club was too dull for his taste. You've got to remember, this was before the big Sainsbury's arrived. So it was him who chose the nickname. Do you know why? It's nothing to do with Brian. He just liked it because he saw it on Ben Fica's crest and thought, well, have that, we'll just copy Ben Fica. Our next question is this. In 1922, while based in Croydon, a man called Jimmy Jeffs became the first person in history to hold what job? And your clue here is Croydon. I'm gonna give you that, it is Air Traffic Controller. It was in 1920 Croydon became home to the UK's first what? Civil Airport. I've heard this fact many times, but it's only when writing this episode is

the first time I've truly taken in the concept of bloody hell, Croydon used to have an airport. It wasn't just a transport hub, it was home to pioneering innovation, including the world's first airport terminal and Jimmy Jeffs, the world's first ever air traffic controller. Known as the father of air traffic control, he developed many of the early procedures that made the growth of civil aviation possible. Croydon Airport also saw the invention in 1923 of the word May Day, coined by Frederick Stanley Mockford. Where does May Day come from?

French. French. Nothing to do with the bank holiday. It's the French phrase May Day, meaning help me. Reason being, it was to help communication between Croydon and Le Bourget Airport in Paris. That in turn gave his name to May Day Road in Croydon, which in turn gave his name to May Day Hospital, which in turn gave his name to Anywhere But May Day. Spoken by generations of medical students

when asked whether they wanted to do their first house job. Croydon Airport has other notable claims to fame. Charles Lindbergh visited in 1927 following his successful transatlantic flight. And in 1930, Amy Johnson started a historic flight to Australia from Croydon Airport. Even more remarkably, Croydon Airport, it can be argued, was the starting point of which war? Open in 20, to blame World War I and Croydon Airport will be a bit unfair. The answer is, bizarrely, the Spanish Civil War.

In 1936, two very dubious, fascist-sympathizing British intelligence agents covertly flew from Croydon Airport to the Canary Islands, picked up a passenger by the name of Franco and flew him to Spanish Morocco where he set about assembling the troops that he needed for the violent overthrow of the Spanish government. It seems scarcely believable that British intelligence could have fermented a deadly war in another part of the world.

It's just not cricket. But the story is true and the aeroplane was presented to Franco as a gift and is now displayed in a museum near Madrid. But honestly, if you're in the area, go and see Guernica. It is a much more accurate perspective. Our last question about Croydon is this. What location in Croydon links the following people? The actor, Tom Holland, the singer, Jessie J.

You got there very quickly, Adele, Amy Winehouse, Leona Lewis, it is Britsch School, the uber successful performing and creative art school in Selhurst, whose former pupils are a roll call of the rich and famous. I say rich as Jessie J. Carelli points out, it's not about the money. Money, money. Which former pupil won six Brit Awards earlier this year? Anyone else want to go for a different answer? No, it is Ray. Brilliant answer. At this year's Brit Awards, the singer Ray won

best R&B act, Best New Artist, Songwriter of the Year, Song of the Year, Album of the Year, Artist of the Year, an absolutely extraordinary and unprecedented achievement, especially from someone who I imagine can walk down most streets in Croydon relatively unmoved. That anyone that can win six Brit Awards of a year, a record by a country mile, can still be unrecognized with so many people in this country, is testament to just how quickly things change. It wasn't that long ago I thought Chapel Rhone

was a French cathedral. For instance, what was true in June about the nations of Saint Lucia, Guatemala, Botswana and Dominica that is no longer true. They hadn't won an Olympic medal. Nearly, but I'll give it to you. They hadn't won an Olympic gold medal. No.

That is now not true. They all won their first gold medals in the summer. Guatemala's gold medalist, incidentally, Adriana Ruano Oliver, won the women's trap shooting in 2024. What's remarkable about her is that 13 years previously she was trying to qualify for the 2012 Summer Olympics for Guatemala in gymnastics. She had a spinal injury that caused her doctor to recommend that if she wanted to take up a career in sport, she'd have to take up shooting. 13 years later, sometimes the best things come

to those who wait. And with that, we come to the last question of the episode. How did the 90 year old American sculptor, Ed Dwight, make the news in May, 2024? Finally got one that's Fox, phew. Let me tell you the story of Ed Dwight. He is an African-American sculptor of note, and many cities in the US have monuments or memorials designed by him.

But sculpture was not his first love. He wanted to be a pilot. He was so impressive in training that in 1961 when JFK and his brother Robert decided they wanted diversity in the US space programme, Dwight was selected for training. It didn't work out and he claimed that racial politics had forced him out of NASA. After a variety of different jobs he trained to become a sculptor and that was basically that. Until the idea of space tourism. Thanks to the non-profit organisation Space for Humanity and thanks to Jeff Bezos' company Blue Origin, in May 2024 he became the oldest person to fly into space at the age of 90.

By 47 days surpassing whose record? William Shatner. No offence to Shatner, but I'm glad he's no longer the record holder. I prefer this narrative. It proves that you are never too old to fulfil your dreams. Inspired by this, I told this story to my dad, a Himalayan mountaineer in the 1960s, to explain why I just paid for him to go on an expedition to scale Mount Everest. Because it's never too late to fulfil my lifelong dream to inherit his house. Before we finish, your last chance to ask me some questions.

Which company was started in 1886 by a New York door-to-door book salesman? Damn, I'm pretty sure I know this one and it's not coming to me. It's not Tupperware, it's not Avon. It is Avon. Oh! I don't count that one. I got that wrong. Which two politicians are responsible for the phrase,

Bob's your uncle? Oh, I do know this one. Let me get this right. This is Robert Gascoigne Cecil, the Earl of Salisbury, who succeeded as prime minister by his nephew, Arthuralfour leading to the phrase Bob's your uncle. Correct. Maybe time to get our own back and have an anagrams question for you Paul. Thomas Tuchel.

The phrase Parsons Fogies is an anagram of which TV program? Parsons Fogies, it'sO-G-I-E-S, is an anagram of which TV program? Parsons Fogies. It's not Sale of the Century. It's something of something, isn't it? Yeah, that's right. No, you have to tell me. It is Songs of Pride.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Hopefully we've learned a lot of things tonight. We've learned that my late housemaster was a disastrous careers advisor. We've learned that if somebody's going to learn the number

293,655, then I'm going to bloody learn the number 293,655. I've also learned that if the London borough of Croydon wants to boost tourism, they can do a lot worse than saying, from the people that brought you the Spanish Civil War. LAUGHTER Thank you for listening. Here's to 50 more episodes. Thank you. APPLAUSE Paul Sinhar's Perfect Pub Quiz was presented and written by me, Paul Sinhar,

with additional material by Oliver Levy and additional questions by the audience. The producer was Ed Morish, and it was a Led Mojo production for BBC Radio 4. ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] My castaway this week is the writer and comedian Mark Steele. Most performers have this terrible ego that means you just want to be on stage in front of people now. At the age of eight I really hadn't developed anything that was worth watching.

I knew I wanted to be on stage, I'd got that bit. So what did you do? I wrote a poem about the A to Z of animals. Mark Steel is my castaway on Desert Island Discs. Available now on BBC Sense.