Comedy of the Week - Thanks A Lot, Milton Jones!

Episode Date: April 22, 2024

Star of Mock The Week, Milton Jones ends up in prison for committing a True Crime podcast and asks the question “Sound effects and soundproofing - which came first, the chicken or the eggbox?”Complete with his unmissable jokes and a fully-working cast.“The best one-line merchant in British comedy...” - Chortle "King of the surreal one-liners" - The Times “Milton Jones is one of Britain’s best gagsmiths with a flair for creating daft yet perfect one-liners” – The GuardianWritten by Milton Jones, James Cary and Dan EvansStarring Milton Jones, Tom Goodman-Hill, Josie Lawrence, Dan Tetsell and James AkkaWith music by Guy JacksonProduced and directed by David TylerA Pozzitive production for BBC Radio 4

This is the BBC. This podcast is supported by advertising outside the UK. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like high blood pressure developed during pregnancy, which can put us two times more at risk of heart disease or stroke. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. BBC Sounds. Music, radio, podcasts. When life's road looks beyond repair, Milton can sort it out.

He's got a bag for your maldom man. Go make a whole world's house. Hey! Hello, I'm Milton Jones. There are many things wrong with the world today. If I understand history correctly, years ago, everyone in this country whose name was Colin was rounded up and transported to places like Canada, India, Australia, in an attempt to colonise the world. Of course, the reason vegans always look miserable in photographs

is that they resent having to say the word cheese. But it's not easy to kill, not even a mouse. In fact, I'm still banned from Euro Disney. My quest is to solve these problems and help as many people as possible in the next half hour. I live with my trusty friend Anton and our landlady Pauline who looks after us. Right, Milton. Microphone, headphones.

We have everything we need to record a podcast. Great. And thank you for setting up this small room and covering the walls with egg boxes painted black to dampen the sound. Although I must admit, it isn't the room I was expecting. BANG! LAUGHTER Plenty more dampening where that came from. But you're still against my idea for the theme of the podcast.

Bit dated. History's like that, I'm afraid. And what did you want? True crime, was it? How are we going to decide? I see. Milton, I'm pretty sure that you're not supposed to commit the crime, but good to see you've mastered how to play a sound effect. Oh, and you've got a real gun as well. I'll take that, but I really would be grateful if you'd go with my idea. Oh, that'll be my old friend, Cecilia, entering the Zoom. Now, she's a very busy academic, so we need to get on. Just let her in.

Hello, everyone, and welcome to The Past is a Foreign Country. Oh. This week we'll be talking to my old friend, Dame Cecilia Hartford, now Emeritus Professor of Medieval History at Oxford. Thank you for having me. So good to hear your voice. How are you? Oh, well, you know, still getting away with it. Interesting.

Oh, and this is Milton Jones, he's just standing in for another academic and old friend, Magnus Zimmer, teaching fellow at Trinity College Cambridge who wasn't able to make it. Disappeared, did he? No. Anyway, this is fascinating. Cecilia, you've been excavating a site that was under a car park just off the A11. That's right, we found a number of burial artifacts, some bones and even some human DNA. Now we're talking. That's right. We found a number of burial artifacts, some bones, and even some human DNA. Now we're talking. Time of death?

Possibly late 11th century. Police response times are definitely getting worse. No, Milton, Cecilia thinks it might be the grave of an Anglo-Saxon king. Hang on. Does the A11 go to Cambridge? Nearby, yes, I think so. Where Magnus lives? Yes, but I put it to you Hang on, does the A11 go to Cambridge? Nearby, yes, I think so.

Where Magnus lives? Yes, but I put it to you that the body is that of Magnus. What? And you, Cecilia, murdered your colleague and buried him beside the road so you could have something to talk about on this podcast. Oh, this is ridiculous. Who are you? Yes, Cecilia, I know he's annoying, but we're still recording. Help! She's strangling me!

Er, er, er! This has turned into something that could be on a... ...true crime podcast! I'm not touching you! She's hitting me! I'm on Zoom, for goodness sake! Milton, you made those clapping noises and you know it! No, she's got a gun! I haven't stopped the recording!

See? She wants to destroy the evidence! Milton, I took your gun away and I've got the sound effects. So how are you going to make the sound of a gun? It's got a silencer. She shoots. Ouch! And again. Ouch! I stay alive. Going. Going. I'm leaving.

Have you quite finished? Gone. Good. Do you know, something else has just struck me. I certainly wouldn't blame whoever was responsible. No, an idea. We should wouldn't blame whoever was responsible. Not an idea! We should definitely do a true crime podcast. Over my dead body. And so we have our first case!

Morning boys. How did the podcast yesterday go then? Very, very badly. Well, I know what'll cheer you up. I've made pancakes. Ooh, how lovely. There you are. Wow, straight onto the table. That must be about seven feet in diameter. Well, waste not, want not. Milton bought all these egg boxes for his podcast, didn't he?

What are you doing, Milton? I'm trying to flip it. Hup! Oh dear, it's stuck to the... And now it's come down on the side of my head. You look like a Dutch woman from the 17th century. Do I now? Girl with the massive pancake earrings.

Do you mind? Thought you liked history. Well, we can't eat that one now. Never mind. We can use some of Anton's podcasting kit to make some more. Really? Just plug this in, pour on the batter. Milton, you know that's not why it's called a mixing desk.

Really? I'll get them up. Oh dear, my poor Sony Max 7H. Pauline, would you like to be a guest on my new true crime podcast? I wouldn't advise it. Not after the way he treated Cecilia. And anyway, it's an American genre, Milton. You don't get that sort of true crime over here. What kind of society do we live in that there's never any criminality or breaking of the law?

Oh, oh no, my nephew's been arrested for shoplifting. Hooray! Milton, I don't care. This is Pauline's nephew, Nicholas. He really looks up to been arrested for shoplifting. Hooray, Milton. I don't care. This is Pauline's nephew, Nicholas. He really looks up to you for some reason. True. He asked me to be his mentor. Didn't you terrify him by waking him up

wearing a giant bull's head? I thought he said minotaur. He's a good boy. He's just not very academic. Although I helped him get an A in English. Yes, but unfortunately English isn't spelled with an A. Remember, you also helped him get a J in Geography. Oh, he's had a tricky time since then.

Difficult though it may be to admit, Pauline, but young men like Nicholas can often be used by ruthless gangs. All he took was some frozen veg, loo roll and a box of eggs. It's probably an innocent mistake. He's picked up the gang's shopping list instead of their hit list. Well, now he's ended up in that shop Aldi's. I think it's pronounced Aldi's, not Aldi's. You might be thinking of his exam results.

You better get down there. Bones are lost. When we arrived at the scene, it looked like Anton was finally getting into the whole true crime podcast thing as he entered the supermarket hiding under a blanket. But it turns out he just didn't want to be seen going into Alby. He went straight into the security guards area. So this won't take long, you just have to fill in this form,

sign the thing saying it was a mistake, and then we're done. How many eggs in the loo roll? A fine, I better do something about these veg. Freeze! Yeah, it's a good idea. Hang on, who are you? Milton Jones, True Crime podcast. Oh wow, Milton, Anton, thanks for coming. I didn't mean to do anything. Well, that's as may be young man, but what you've done is very serious, so don't think for a moment you can talk your way out of it. I really liked your history podcast by the way. Really? How delightful.

The one about Thomas and Beckett or the double episode on the siege of Constantinople. Er, yeah, absolutely. All of that. Them. Those. Never mind that. Now, this shoplifting. Oh, please don't call the police. Well, they seem to have their hands full with murders at the moment. Have you seen how many little tents they've had to put up in the field by the river? I think that's just a campsite. Really? Well, what about that robot that was killed outside the primary school?

I just saw the chalk outline. Hopscotch? Could be. Look, let's just get this form filled in, then we can get on with the rest of our lives. Just don't say anything that sounds dodgy and I can let you off. So, name? Nick.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Not the best name for this. Try your middle name instead. Oh, yeah, okay. Name? Rob. Objection! What? Ask me the questions. I'll answer on his behalf.

Oh, anything for a quiet life. Name? Er, George Bernard... Paratio. No, Milton, that's GBH. One more time, one more time. Just a nice normal name, just nothing to do with Lu Role, Frozen Veg or Eggs. Name? Benedict.

I don't think... I don't think you know what you're doing. You just sound like a bloke who's watched too many detective shows on TV. Nonsense! Get me the DA. All right, Columbo, I think I'll wait for the real police. My client wants a plea bargain. Do I? He only nicks some police. My client wants a plea bargain. Do I? He only nicked some frozen veg.

OK, a pea bargain. And some luxury loo roll. Quilty or not, Quilty. And an egg box. Crack the case. Right, I can't be doing this. Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. On the way to the station, we assured Nick that in no way

would he be in any kind of real trouble. You have been found guilty and will go to prison for six months. Before I commit you, have you anything to say? No. But I have, your honor. I demand you take those handcuffs off the defendant. Why? Because I'm picking up a slight jingly noise on the microphone for my Live From The Courtroom podcast.

Let's make that eight months. That night, as I tried to get to sleep, I thought to myself, it's easy to get the impression that podcasts are a recent invention, but some of them must go right back to the beginning of time itself. Hello? But some of them must go right back to the beginning of time itself. Hello, I'm Adam. And I'm Eve. Welcome to What is History? I've still no idea, have you?

No, none at all. But our guest today is a serpent. And we're going to be talking about the perceived dangers of foraging. Oh Yes, and he says he can definitely get us to number one in the Apple charts But what's the worst that could happen but first a word from our sponsor Hide and here's a podcast from as long ago as 1642. Hello and welcome to The Restoration, a podcast about politics in the 17th century. I'm Oliver Cromwell.

And I'm King Charles I. For the time being. Sorry, what? Nothing. So, what? Nothing. So, what have we got coming up? A civil war, Protestants versus Catholics, and revolution. Why, what did you want to talk about?

Spaniels. You are so out of touch with ordinary people. Oh, wait till the restoration of the monarchy. Charles the Second will be even more out of touch in us for Charles the third won't he? Anyway he won't be getting rid of me anytime soon though I am gonna head off now Good idea What? Nothing

Hmm And so Nick went off to jail to begin his sentence By the time we got home Pauline had already heard the news and although she never gives much away I could tell from her body language that she was mildly upset. Milton, I could kill you! Brilliant, that's season two sorted.

Oh, how'd you both be entirely responsible for my Nicholas going to prison? How on earth did he end up with a custodial sentence? I'm not sure, but I don't think it helped that when Milton heard it was a juvenile court, he brought along a load of water pistols and a whoopee cushion. with a custodial sentence? I'm not sure, but I don't think it helped that when Milton heard it was a juvenile court, he brought along a load of water pistols and a whoopee cushion. To be fair, the moment when the judge sat down

has gone viral. Oh, don't tell me you were podcasting it as well. Maybe. You've got to get him out, whatever it takes. Yes, Pauline. This is just off the top of my head. You know the film, The Shawshank Redemption? Yes.

If we could somehow get all the prison guards to watch it together, then maybe he could sneak out. I'll send him a cake and put a file in it. A file? The last thing Nick needs right now is a manicure. No, a file to file down the bars of the cell. I fear that only happens in the cartoons of our youth. I've got it! We sneak into the prison in a dustbin lorry

dressed as guards and rescue Nick. No way! I'm not getting covered in rubbish and old food waste. Ugh, Pauline! I knew that three-day-old pancake batter would come in empty. Just get on with it! Now we both look in absolute grotesque shambles. I haven't thrown any over Milton yet. LAUGHTER

I can't believe we're doing this, sneaking in in the back of a bin lorry. I think we're going through the main gate now. We'll get caught at least we're dressed in the guards' uniforms I got for us. Yes, but yours has a logo that says, VIRGIN TRAINS on it. And as for what you got me,

what kind of a guard wears a pair of Speedos? Lifeguard. Well, I'm certainly very relaxed about going into a prison dressed like this. Don't worry, the worst bit is over. Good. Apart from the bit where they tip the bins all over us. Oh, no!

You all right, pal? Yeah. Hello. Oh, of course. Then there's the prisoners who are escaping hidden in the bins. That's right, pal. There hasn't actually been a rubbish bin filled with actual rubbish since the 1970s. Nice speedos, by the way. Thank you. Er, erm, and nice, er, disguise.

Oh, yeah, thanks. Took me ages to make this mouldy banana costume out of male sacks. You should try being a wrinkled apple. You shouldn't be here. I know, I was wrongly convicted. No, stop the lorry. What? You're not rubbish. You should both be in the compost. Stop the lorry.

No, no, I'm still tough now. We'd got into the prison via the bin lorry, but what with the smell and the excitement, we both must have passed out. Although thinking about it, it was mainly the punching. So the next morning, when we woke up, we had no idea where we were. Milton? Milton? Yes? Where are we? I think we must be in hospital. At least we have a private room, but I can't see you.

I think I'm in the bunk above. We're in a prison cell, aren't we? but I can't see you. I think I'm in the bunk above. We're in a prison cell, aren't we? At least there are just the two of us. We don't have to share the room with a psychopath. I do. Come on, Anton, be nice. We're gonna have to spend a lot of time together.

We should get used to it. Use it usefully to learn something new. That's all very well, Milton, but I'd prefer it if you played it with your mouth. Fair enough. Anyway, we need to get on and find Nick as soon as possible. Oh, he'll turn up. Milton, this is one of the largest prisons in the country. He's not just going to come sauntering through the door. Right, and Tom Milton?

And here he is. Nick, how did you know we were here? News travels fast around here. Just listen to Banging on the Pipes. Ah, of course. The time-honored primitive form of communicating between cells. No, Banging on the the pipes is the prison podcast. Along with slammer time and megahertz. Ah, megahertz being a broadcasting frequency. No, megahertz as in all the news of upcoming punishment beatings.

Right, no time to lose. Grab this dessert spoon and start digging. I've calculated we should be able to tunnel out of here in about two years. But I'm only in it for eight months. Okay, use this teaspoon then. But Milton, that'll take even longer. Exactly. 24 months is two full series of a podcast. Look, you don't have to get me out. I like it here.

I've got a cushy job in the prison and everything, yeah? I've got my own trolley, look. So, do you need anything? Gents, books, sweets, chewing gum? I don't know, some kind of helicopter? If I had a pound for every time someone asked me that... Apologies, I can imagine. ...then I could detach this trolley from all the other ones I have to pull around with it. Oh, I see, right.

I can get you a helicopter, though. Really? Wait, what? I don't believe it! Are we really getting out? No, it's just a sound effect. I got loads on it. Tell me, have you got the sound of a man rustling through his collection of sound effect CDs on a trolley? No. But all sorts of other audio stuff, cables, mics, pop shields... Why on earth have you got all that? Come on, I'll show you.

Podcasts! Hundreds of them. Everyone's doing one on everyone else to get everyone proved innocent. Wow, pretty noisy. Everyone's talking at once. Or to use the legal term, their sentences are running concurrently. Oi, you two, I can hear you banging on. Yes, I do apologise.

No, no, it's good. Having a racket going on in the background makes it sound like a proper podcast. I thought we were in for an award this year. A couple of the other podcasts have been axed. By the Governor? No, Mayor Charlie the Axeman. Right, I wonder if you'd do an interview for my podcast. I wouldn't advise it, Milton, and anyway, you don't even have a microphone. Actually, I smuggled one into the prison. How?

Give me a minute and I'll show you. Actually, I'm good, thanks. Anyway, I'm amazed anyone can podcast at all in such a noisy, clattery place. Oh, well, yeah, about that. Nick, what on earth's going on? Well, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but one of the prisoners, you know, an important one, has got a massive supply of specialist acoustic panelling. Look!

Egg boxes? And is that why he got you to steal those eggs to order? I can't say. I want to go straight, but you know... You can't with all those supermarket trolleys. But I want to avoid trouble as well. But Nick, if you were coerced into crime then that would be grounds for your release. We need to see the governor immediately. Really? Yes, because if we don't there'll be a great injustice. Mainly Pauline will kill us.

An appointment with the governor was fast-tracked for us for just £50 by the prisoner in the cell next door, the right Reverend Justin Welby. What he later found out was infrabribery and identity theft. Although when we arrived, it seemed like the governor wasn't even expecting us. Right, well gentlemen, I have a number of questions. After all, it's not everyone who tries to smuggle themselves into this place So what exactly do you want well ma'am? I'm Anton Peterson and wearing the headphones is Milton Jones pardon take them off Milton No, I want to pardon

For young Nick here yes, please mom sorry about Milton by. The thing is, he's doing a true crime podcast. Oh, not another one. But surely it's good for the men to have something rewarding to occupy them. Let me show you something. An empty cupboard, I don't understand. Anton, use your imagination. This is obviously covering the entrance to a tunnel. Because if I run at it like this...

Ah, the fiends have rebuilt the wall from the inside of the tunnel to stop anyone following them. No, this cupboard was where I used to keep contraband that had been confiscated. Cigarettes, vapes, drugs. But now, all the inmates are addicted to is podcasts. It's not what I signed up for. These days I hardly have anything to take to the carboat sale. What? Nothing.

Look, I'm worried all this podcasting business is leading to something bigger. A box set? Look, I study the crime figures closely, and recently there's been a massive increase in shoplifting and petty theft. Really? Yes. If you look at this chart... Oh, it's gone. I see what you mean.

Can't you do something? Ha! I'm not in control. Oh no, no, no. This prison is controlled by someone far more powerful than me. Minister of Prisons? Home Secretary? Oh no, much, much bigger. You mean Richard Osmond? Bigger skill.

Is that possible? They call him the Podfather. And he's running a big operation. And I need to find out what it is. So, where do we find this Podfather? Well, with all these microphones about, I think I'd better just write it down. He's on a swing?

No, Milton, he's on S-wing. No, he's on a swing. No, he's on a swing. In the exercise yard. Yeah, right. Thanks a lot. We made our way with Nick to the exercise yard. I'm not sure why we need the shopping trolley, Milton. Just to bring my gear.

And you know what it's like when you get stuck in the child seat. Actually, I don't. Look, there he is, over in the corner. The Podfather. I can't believe you got an appointment with this guy. Normally he keeps his distance. Look, he's coming towards us. Now he's further away.

Now he's nearer. That's how swings work, Milton. Is it? Podfather, greetings to you and your family. I can't tell you what a privilege it is to meet someone who is so esteemed in the world of communication. Well, you know, this phone is good for point-out, isn't it, mate? I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. I just want to point out, can't I? I only want to...

Do you have subtitles? No, listen. He always talks like this. It's like a basic precaution when so much is recorded. Yeah, he's right. I need to know you're not wearing a wire. Quite impossible in these speedos, I assure you. Yeah, I'm trying not to look. Anyway, what do you lot want?

We want to know what the scam is. Why you made Nick here an egg mule. Oh, do you now? Okay. See that sign over there by the wall? The Co-op? No. C-O-O-P. For chickens.

And the chickens work in the supermarket. Wow. You better follow me. Did you get it now? Of course. Because every prison has a place where the inmates can look after animals. Please tell me you call this place the Chicken Wing. Oh, oh, oh, I wish I thought of that.

Oh, that is annoying. Anyway, started as a project for prisoners, but now these coops are the centre of our operation. Of course, the whole enterprise is a ruse to get cheap egg boxes into the prison, which were then painted black and sold as state-of-the-art sound-proofing for podcasts. Do you know what? I'm starting to like you, Anton. You remind me of myself when I was younger. What when you were about three? Yeah, Mr. Podfather, you should listen to my podcast.

It's a sort of sideways look at his story. No, shut it! I was saying, I'm starting to like you, which is a shame, as I'll have to say goodbye to you now you know my plan. And I won't need petty thieves stealing eggs no more, neither. Hold it right there, Podfather. Nick, what are you doing? It's time you all knew the truth.

I'm an undercover cop. Wow! You've been an informant in a chicken coop? Yeah he's an eggplant. You know what that means? Yes it's American for aubergine. No it means... It means we've been onto this operation from the start. Infiltrating the system was the only way I could get proof of what was going on. And to think Pauline and I thought you were an academic dead loss. I am. That's why I joined the police. But I did have a word with Milton earlier and he's just recorded the Podfather's whole

confession on that mixing desk. Ah. You haven't. Well, you know what it's like when you can't remember if you're recording if the red light is on or when it's off and it says not recorded. Milton, no one's ever had that problem. Really? What I want to know is this.

If you're selling the boxes, what are you doing with the eggs? Funny you should ask, because you're all about a fine ass. Suddenly we foundoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I can't believe you didn't record his confession. Yep, unfortunately the red light was on. Then you did record it. Oh right. Plus, it will have automatically backed itself up as an MP3 on your memory stick, Milton. So we can still convict the Podfather. Yes, we just play the audio to the juvenile court. Brilliant idea.

And perhaps we should take along a few of these eggs to use as stink bombs. Nice brilliant idea. Nick, any idea where we are now? Well, I reckon if we go this way, we should be just about under the kitchen block. Right. And I've got a mate who works there who might help us. Excellent. Well, we have to get this file out of the prison, so if we just open up this hatch above us here, we should be in the kitchens.

But it's blocked by a load of white stuff. Oh no, that's tons and tons of compacted flour. Don't move. Even the tiniest vibration will trigger an avalanche. We must have come up directly underneath the larder. We've come up underneath what? Larder. I said We've come up underneath what? Larder. I said we must have come underneath what? Mutant!

Right back in the rancid eggs. We're no better off than before. Hang on, eggs, Flower. All we need is a kind of spark. This is where I'm really glad I brought along the trolley with all the equipment. But you're still stuck in the baby seat, aren't you? Maybe. Anton! Cut the plug off the Sony MAX 7H and just stick the wires into the socket over there.

For goodness sake! The Spark should light the gas coming off the eggs. If you say so. Of course! It's baking a giant cake! And we're all in the middle of it! Oh, the prison can't hold it! What's happened to my prison? It's been destroyed by this massive cake!

What on earth is going on? We have the Podfather's confession explaining the whole scam! Really? Yes, it's all on an MP3, isn't that right Milton? Yes, except the MP3 is on a USB drive, which I sort of dropped somewhere inside that. You mean there's literally a file inside the cake? LAUGHTER

Yes, I knew these teaspoons would come in handy. Get digging everyone! Oh, it's tasty. And this cake solves all our problems. Possibly, but I think we need one of those jamming devices. To somehow interfere with all the prison podcasts. No, a jam jar with lots of jam to spread in the middle of the cake. Oh, yes, please.

Well, this is me, Milton Jones, wrapping up this true crime podcast, The Podfather. Who knows, one day I might be back with Podfather 2. Oh, I'll be back with Podfather 2. Oh, I'll be back take him away There he goes no no he's coming back again. That's right Take him away again. No. No can you just get off the swing? Starring Milton Jones Tom Goodman Hill Josie Lawrence Stan Setzen and James Acker It was written by Milton Jones James Kerry and Dan Evans and the music was by Guy Jackson. The producer was David Tyler and the programme

was a positive production for the BBC! Thanks for listening to the Comedy of the Week podcast from BBC Radio 4. If you want more, check out the Friday Night Comedy podcast, featuring the News Quiz, the Now Show and Dead Ringers. Hello, I'm Sean Keeveny and I'm here to tell you about my BBC Radio 4 series Your Place or Mine. It's the show where a litany of wonderful guests try to tempt this recalcitrant traveller onto the runway to experience their favorite place on earth. Custard filled pastries everywhere as standard. I

stayed in a place where that was their they didn't put mints on the pillows they put custard tarts. They'll try to tempt me with all the wonders and delicacies from their favorite place in the world but will they succeed? There's an amazing lighthouse and there's a brilliant tour there by the guy who his family were the lighthouse keepers, the lighthouse family if you will. Listen to Your Place Or Mine on BBC Sones now.