Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - 2024 Memorable Moments: Conan, Sona, and Matt

Episode Date: December 23, 2024

Sona and Matt look back at a collection of this year's most memorable moments from Conan's intros, outros, and ad reads on a special Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone]. Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan.

["Fall Is Here"] Hello, and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. That was very official sounding. I know, I was trying to channel Conan, who is not here today. That's right, Sonamoo Sessian has moved from second chair to first, and me. I would move?

Yes. You would move. What are you talking about? No, no, no, if he left, which he is not here, you would take over as like the guy. No, absolutely not. Yes. Well, yes. Okay.

But anyway, Conan is not here because sadly last week, his mom and his dad both passed away within days of each other. His dad, Dr. Thomas O'Brien was 95. Conan was actually shooting overseas for his Mac show. He came back to Brookline. And then while he was there, his mom, Ruth Reardon O'Brien died at 92. And today is actually her birthday. I didn't know that. No kidding.

Yes. Today is her birthday. And so you never got a chance to meet his parents. I never did. No. No. So, you know, I worked for him for a very long time, and his parents were very impressive, very remarkable people. In their fields, there were celebrities in their own right. His dad was a microbiologist. He retired at 90, and I'm hoping Conan will also retire at 90. Really? I think he's gone too far already.

You do? No, I want to ride those coattails until the very end. Don't you? Yes, of course. Just like wheeling in a decrepit Conan to the studio. That's terrible. I'm so sorry. I'm like sweating because I have to talk about serious stuff.

But yeah, his dad is a legend in his field and his mother was actually one of the first graduates of Yale Law School. And she became a partner at her law firm when she had five kids. And like the second female to do so, right? Second female to do so. I mean, she was practicing law when there were like dining halls

that women weren't allowed into. And so she would sit outside these dining halls and men would be inside and she'd be sitting on her own little table outside. And she was like a partner at the law firm. So it was was like they're just incredible people. It's a huge loss. So Conan's with his family, all 800 of them. And he mentioned to us that he wanted us to do this and to set up the context as to why he's not here. Right. And be transparent about it that he's with his family. And so we've

cobbled together some of our favorite moments of the last year. So this first episode will be from the intros and segments, which you, Conan, and I do together. And then next week, there'll be an episode of some of our favorite moments from the various guests have been on the show in 2024. Okay. I mean, I'm acting like I don't know what you're saying, but we had a whole conversation before.

So why are you doing that? I don't know. You're thrown by having to be serious on SiriusXM. It's in the name. I know, but it is a really sad thing. I mean, you know, over the time working for Conan, I really got to know all of his family, all his siblings, his parents.

They were always really nice. It's just a really hard thing to talk about. And I think that it's beautiful that they passed away within days of each other. Really is. It's strikingly poignant in a way. I know. I know. And like you said, I haven't met his parents.

He wouldn't allow that. Uh... But... He kept you awake. We have been thinking about him a ton. And I saw my extended family and everybody yesterday at my extended family. People who he's never met,

and he's met some of my extended family, was like, please tell him I'm thinking about him. Anyway, we are thinking about you, boss. Yes, yes, we are. We are. It's a really hard time for him, but, you know, he's still Conan. He made fun of me this morning, so I think he's doing okay. I think his exact words were, the show must go on, but you guys have to do it.

Oh, what a dick. We can still call him a dick. Oh yeah, it doesn't change. Even though he's not here. No, none of this changes that he's still a dick. A grieving dick is still a dick. Exactly. Yeah, I think that that's okay.

A grieving dick is still a dick. Wiser words. Yes. All right. That's why I'll be delivering the eulogies. Oh, my God. What am I doing? I can cut this. Why can't I do this normally? You can. In the end, it'll sound fine. OK. All right. OK. OK, so let's move on to our first clip.

I think an all-timer, not just for 2024. Oh, my God. This is one of my favorite things that ever happened. I agree. It's Conan makes a stranger take a selfie with him. Yeah. I will say I have watched this clip over and over again. Like, once a week, I'll just go back and watch it. The schadenfreude that you love, the feeling of Conan's, like, desirous ego being quashed.

Yes, it's just a it's a perfect story. It's told perfectly. It's so funny. It has pay off. It's just great. Okay, let's roll it. I have a tale to tell and it's an embarrassing tale. And I think these are the ones you guys like.

These are our favorites. This is a true story. I just flew in from Boston. I was seeing my family there and I check out my family. I check out my family. Hey, you guys are looking. Hey mom, dad, you guys are looking good. Sexy nuclear unit.

No, I was checking in on my family and seeing my fam, my sibs. And then I go to Logan airport and I'm going to take the flight from Boston to Los Angeles. And I am in the line, you know, you wait in the line to hand your stuff over, put it on the conveyor belt. So you're a little distracted,

but I'm taking my belt off. They always say you can leave your belt on, but it always sets it off. So now I take everything off. I'm pretty much naked when I go through that thing. But I'm taking everything off. I'm putting it down into this bucket and this very nice kid who's wearing a white sweater

and he has glasses and dark hair. And he says, oh, hi Conan. And he could not have been nicer. He said, your show means a lot to me, or your TV show meant a lot to me. I've listened to Conan O'Brien, needs a friend all the time.

He is Armenian, he introduces himself. And I think he said his name was Arman. He could not have been nicer. And he was talking about, he was very beautifully talking about what the work has meant to him and all that. I just had the nicest conversation with him and he was holding his phone, but we were just about to go through whatever, the X-ray machine.

He had to put his phone in and I was thinking, I think he wanted to do a photo, but he didn't. Okay? Hold on. Anyway, we go through and I'm thinking, that guy was so nice. Then they want to look again at one of my bags. I think it's, you know, how many men travel with nine bottles of hairspray? So it was suspicious. And it's Aquanet. It's for old women. They don't even make it anymore. It was like a two day trip.

It was a day and a half trip. And it's not all for my hair, but anyway. No, as I'm saying, I inhale that stuff. It's an incredible high. Shout out to Aquanet. But anyway, I get through and I get some of my stuff and I stand up and standing there, white sweater, glasses, dark hair, this guy. And I just walk up to him and say, hey, let's do a selfie.

And he said, okay. And he starts to fish around in his luggage for his camera. And I'm thinking he was just holding his camera and he doesn't seem that interested. And what the fuck? That's weird. I thought I was being super nice because he said all those nice things.

And he starts to pick it up and he goes, okay, and I went and look at him and I go, wait a minute. Oh no. It's not that guy. I just, I swear to God, I just, so this guy who's just a guy who's wearing, and I look over and I see the other guy, listen to me, I see, listen to me, I'm not kidding,

I swear to God, this is all exactly happened, I see the other guy, he's wearing a sweater that is practically identical, they look very similar, and he's got glasses, and I see him standing over at a post holding his cell phone. And he's thinking, why wouldn't he take a selfie with me? And I'm looking at this guy and he goes, uh, okay. And he takes a selfie of us.

And so look at it from his perspective. He's sitting there waiting for another relative, a girlfriend or whatever, to come through. And Conan O'Brien walks up and goes, hey, let's do a selfie. He must have thought you were insane. He thought I was fucking insane. And so then I started to go, no, no, no,

I thought you were him. And I'm pointing to the other guy. And the other guy isn't even looking at me at that point. He's looking at his phone because he just got a text. And there's no good explanation for why you would walk up to a stranger and say, hey, hey buddy, let just got a text. And there's no good explanation for why you would walk up to a stranger and say, hey, hey buddy, let's get a selfie. You're gonna want this.

You're gonna want this. So somewhere out there, there's a guy who isn't a fan, doesn't care, maybe actively dislikes what I do. I came up to him and made him take a selfie. And I can, I just, and so then I walk up to the other guy and I said, I'm sorry, I thought he was you. And the other guy, I'm just, you know, there's no, now he just thinks, oh, so all non celebrities

look alike to you. You know, like. No, I think what happened is there was no first guy and you just got a bad reaction from someone you wanted to take a selfie with. And this first guy's your like Fight Club Tyler Durkigold that gets you to do selfies. No, no, no, no, no, no, nice, nice try, yes.

That I see phantom people. No, I loved, it was so perfect. And I don't have photos, but if I could show you a photo of what both of them were wearing, you would laugh because it's- Somewhere these selfies exist though, right? but if I could show you a photo of what both of them were wearing, you would laugh because it's- Some of these selfies exist though, right?

It's as if a higher being, God said, this is gonna be really funny. I'm sending down two people who look somewhat alike and they're both wearing this very similar sweater and like dark jeans. So whatever, that happened. Oh my God. And I just keep thinking about this guy, just like, okay, where's Sarah?

I just gotta wait for Sarah to come through. Hey, hey, let's take a selfie. What are you, let's do it right now. Come on, get the camera out. Like you're doing him a favor. Like, hey buddy. And now I think I- I've chosen you. Hey, guess what?

Randomly every hundredth person gets to win the ultimate lottery. You think you're about to be selected for improved security? No. No. You're getting a selfie with Conan O'Brien. I'm sorry, and you do what? Come on!

Late night show, 90s, 2000s, NBC, TBS. Come on, come on. Podcast. Come on! Come on, get the camera, let's do this. Incredible. That's it, that the camera, let's do this. Incredible. That's just happened, that happened 36 hours ago. And the minute it happened, I said, these exist. This is why I have the podcast, because this is fresh.

This just happened. Hey buddy, let's do it. Get the camera out, let's get that selfie. I love that you said these two selfies still exist, but that guy probably just deleted it. Oh. He never took it. Yeah. He went,

She was like, yeah, oh yeah, I took it. Oh, there you go. And you know what he said? He said, click. He said, click. And I was like, I didn't think he pushed the phone. And then I saw him walk up to a trash can and throw his iPhone away.

And it was the new one. It's the new one with the funny new cord. Oh, man. That is true. That picture is probably out there somewhere. Yes. This person, like, has this never made its way back to that person?

I want to see that photo so badly. Arman, it's me. It's Sona. Ha ha ha. He said he's Armenian. Maybe he's my cousin or something. Yeah. But yeah, just show us this picture.

Wait, no, we don't want his picture. We don't want it with Arman. We want it with the other guy that he, like, went up to. I just love to see it. Yeah, I know. It's awesome. That was one of my favorite stories. Also, very sweet that he was visiting his parents,

he said, in the beginning of that clip. And I do have to say, Conan visited his parents constantly. So I mean, he was always. Anytime he was on the East Coast, he stopped by Boston. So it's sweet that he mentioned it. He made them do selfies with him as well. I know. All right.

This next segment is called Conan Tries Sona's Lip Gloss. We've had a few things with my chapsticks. This one is more recent, if it's the one I'm thinking of. Is this the one where I kept reapplying because it was really tasty? Yeah, and then he basically ate a whole tube of it. That's right. And I wouldn't touch the stuff.

I know, he stuck it in his mouth, I think. And yeah, I don't even know where that chapstick is. I actually think I may have thrown it away. I think he ate it all. Ew, oh god, that's gross. I'm a chronic lip moisturizer. Yeah, what's that all about? But the thing is I got a new one and I was like, this will be nice because it's like

a tube. Yeah. And then it comes off and then I, it tastes so good. I keep licking it off. So you're basically eating it. You're eating it. Soda. Can I see it?

Can I take a look at it? Would you hand it to me? And would you say what you called it when she was putting it on? Oh, well she kept putting it on and I said, what is that? Say something stupid, sauce. Uh, because you sure are using it a lot. Uh, give me some lip, it's called. We're just giving these people a free plug.

We are. Do you mind if I put it on right now? I promise. I don't mind. I really don't. I have a sore that appears monthly. No. But you knew that.

Why are you looking at your hand? Are you going to put it on your hand? No, OK, on appears monthly. Ew. You knew that. Why are you looking at your hand? Are you going to put it on your hand? No, OK, on your lip. Yeah. It tastes good. And also, it doesn't stay on that well. I have other stuff that kind of just like stays on. Oh my god, this tastes fantastic.

That's what I'm saying. I keep eating it. And so, oh! This is delicious. I'm not kidding, it's delicious! Oh my god. Just keep it, just keep it. Kay, you gotta keep it now.

You have to keep that. No, I'll give it back to you. It's like you're just sucking on a gogurt. This is amazing, what's in it? Oh god. Do not ingest. Oh. Now it's 40% less asbestos.

This is incredible, this really does. I see now why you keep applying it, because it's 40% less asbestos. This is incredible. This really does. I see now why you keep applying it because it's very delicious. Do you ever put it on the finger and then use the finger to apply? I don't, no, I just go straight from tube to mouth. But you're putting on a lot.

Do you see what I mean? You know why I'm putting on a lot? I don't think I've ever moisturized my lips. Oh. Not once. Have you ever seen me moisturize my lips in all the years you've known me? I haven't, no.

Do you moisturize your lips? I always have a chapstick with me. I never do. I don't, Eduardo. Actually, never do that. It's foreign to me. Yeah, I agree. Your lips are so shiny right now.

Well, they should be. You know what? Draw attention to the mouth, they always say. I've got two chapsticks with me for some reason. That's just weird, but why? I don't know if I'm doing something wrong, but Eduardo, back me up on this. I don't participate in that.

Yeah, I just think, well, we're in the world. We didn't, when we evolved from the great ape, he did not moisturize his lips. So then you don't need to use sunscreen? Oh snap. That's just, that's cruel. That's going after my disability. That is, that is, but's cruel that's going after my disability

That is Wait, you're oh my god, you're putting on look much of it. Oh my god Can I say certain but you know what the thing is? I laugh a lot and I see this on video don't Zoom in Skip it. Help me. Help me. Oh my God, with your like five o'clock shadow. I'm over moisturized. God.

You should lube up, it feels good. What does it taste like though? What's that? What does it taste like? Try it. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. Oh, come on, it's fine.

No, no, no, no. No, listen. The sore I get erupts once. Take it with your fingers. Don't even open it. Just try it, you coward. Put it on, Eduardo. Eduardo, I promise you. You're all talk, dude. You're all once. Take it with your fingers. Don't even open it. Just try it, you coward. Put it on, Eduardo. Eduardo, I promise you.

You're all talk, dude. You're all talk. Put it on. Don't be a little bitch, Cario. Just do it. Like you've never kissed Conan on the mouth? Come on. No, Eduardo, I'm telling you, I...

What do I lick? Just lick it. No, don't lick it. It's for your lips. Just put it on your lips, but then lick your lips. But then it tastes really good. Lick your lips. I mean, it has a tint.

Eduardo, lick your lips. Look at that. What's it taste like? I don't know. I've never used lip balm before. I don't know if this is what it normally tastes like. You know why? This is why Eduardo's never been hired to do an infomercial. Try this amazing new product.

What do you think, Eduardo? I don't really want to try it. No, but, Eduardo, it's the amazing new lip balm. Try it on your lips. I'll just put a tiny bit. But Eduardo, you're not going to try it on your lips. You're going to have to try it on your lips. You're going to have to try it on your lips.

You're going to have to try it on your lips. You're going to have to try it on your lips. You're going to have to try it on your lips. You're going to have to try it on your lips. You're't really want to try it. No, but Eduardo, it's the amazing new lip balm. Try it on your lips. I'll just put a tiny bit. But Eduardo, doesn't it feel good? I don't know. I didn't say it was bad. I just, you know. I didn't say it was bad.

Oh, great. You heard it from Eduardo. He didn't say it was bad. Call 1-800-555-2525 and get your not so bad lip balm. What is your problem then? It's delicious. I see now, you seriously, you keep it and don't worry about whatever sores I may have.

I don't, I'm not, nobody puts it in their mouth. It's like, it's, I don't want it after that. Why? What are you afraid of? Be honest. I don't want your saliva is all over it now. I know, but what do you worry is on my- Well, the visual is forever tied to that too. If you just- I know. Have you like, rod, like deep throating my chest?

Did you say rod dogging it? I said rod dogging it and I was like, that's not the right one. Then I changed it to deep throating, which is what you were doing with it. I didn't deep throat it. I know what deep throating is. Well, you definitely filleted it.

What? What? You blew my chest. I have never, ever filleted a penis that small. That I promise you, that's the Conan guarantee. With the lip gloss. You heard it here. I've never filleted a penis that small.

Oh, God. Oh, my God. And then we've come to find out, he did tell us after the recording, he has. He has. That that was not true. Yeah. That had a, what did you, he's like,

I don't participate in that. Maybe you laugh. What listeners would have never seen is that Adam's in the background too, having never even been asked at this point whether he wants to try it, just that Adams in the background, too, having never even been asked at this point whether he wants to try it, just shaking his head going,

-"No, no." -"They made the rounds." I didn't even know after... By then, especially getting it as a fourth person. It did make the rounds. Conan's whole mouth was on that thing. You and you have French kissed Conan over. Yeah! Man.

Oh, God. Was it last year that he asked Julie Louis-Dreyfus to put on her lipstick? That's right. There's something going on. Well and he did that remote in Texas when he was doing, was it Mary Kay? Where he put makeup, there's this insane image of him

and I think I've seen it in a GIF, like someone's probably sent it to me, where he looks like a crazy person peering through a window, and he's got like lipstick all over his face, right? Am I wrong, Blake? You're absolutely right. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it haunts my dreams every night.

I didn't even know the context of that, I've just seen that picture and it is harrowing. You should watch that remote he did, where he meets with women who sell Mary Kay products, and it's really's really really funny I mean, we don't even really talk about it on this show But I've always been a Conan fan and I've seen most of if not all of these remotes at some time or another Yes. Yeah. Yeah his remotes. I think are pretty legendary and you know, that one is a really funny one

I also this has never come up on the show. I Submitted a packet to be a writer on his show. You did? Because I knew Todd Levin and he asked me. You're kidding. We've never talked about it on the show. Girls, you would have been a really good writer on the show because you just have

like such a similar sensibility. Well, I didn't get hired, so I don't. Oh, well, okay. You know what? Sweeney's here. We should just ask him why he never hired you. Oh yeah, let's go straight to the source. This next one, oh boy, Sona, this is called, Sona is a bad grandchild.

I don't wanna do this one. I listen, recently my mom, after we watch this clip, you'll understand this more, I mean. I love it, I don't wanna do this one, but after we watch the clip. I know, I don't wanna do this clip, you'll understand this more. I mean... I don't want to do this one, but after we watch the clip... I know. I so want to do this one. Because my mom did come up to me and she's like, you need to tell everybody what a great woman

your great grandma was. Because I made her sound like a crazy witch. I'm sorry, we don't have time for that. No. No, go ahead. This is the time. No, she was. My great grandma, who I used to make cry just for funsies was actually

an really incredible human being. And you know, I, okay, well, let's just listen. So your mom has seen this? She has, I don't even know how. She never talks to me about like, hey, I saw you talk about this thing on the podcast. It's just like every once in a while she brings it up. So I don't know if someone sent it to her

or if she just watches it and just doesn't want to talk to me about the things that I say. Yeah, which they could possibly be the second one because she doesn't like some of the things I talk about. Roll it. Sona, you lived with your grandparents. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They both lived into their 90s. Into their 90s. Yeah.

And they came from? They came from Istanbul. Yep. And I mean, my grandpa started, he was a butcher when he was 12. Like, they just put him to work really early. Right. So it's like the idea that you are trusting

a 12 year old with slaughtering animals is just feels like a completely different world. But also just the fact that then they come to this country and they're living with you and it's, you're going out to In-N-Out to grab a burger and whatever else you're up to. It's just this amazing clash of cultures.

I find that stuff fascinating. Well, my great grandma also lived with us and she was old as shit. She was really old. And whatever else you're up to, it's just this amazing clash of cultures. I find that stuff fascinating. Well, my great grandma also lived with us and she was old as shit. She was really old. You don't say old as shit. She was really, really old. And I remember she was this old wrinkly lady

and I was really young. I was maybe like 10 and my mom was like, she's gonna sleep in your room. And I, that it, from then on, I was terrified of the dark cause I thought she was like an old witch lady. And she was just like... Wait, when you say she was, what did you say, old as shit? Yeah.

How old is old as shit? She was, I mean, when I was 10, she was like 95. Because there are young comedians out there that now see me and go, you're old as shit. So it's all relative. That's right, I was 10 and she was 60. No, no, seriously, how old do you think she was? She was 95, yeah.

But she was like an old wrinkly lady and I was young and I was like, why is this old person in my room? And I got terrified of the dark. You're just like an awful grandchild. I was really bad. I love this, like old and wrinkled? Why is that in my room? I have, we did something else.

I don't wanna, I shouldn't bring it up. Well, we got it now. Come on. This is really bad. So she had a son who passed away that no one told her passed away. And then my uncle who was still in Istanbul and we'd hold up two fingers and be like,

Menzik, touch one of them. And she would touch him and be like, oh, that's, you know, Bejo Dadi, who was my uncle. And she'd just instantly start crying. And we thought it was so funny. Because we kept reminding her of these people she hadn't seen in a long time. And we'd instantly make her cry. And Danny and I were like, let's go make Menzie cry.

Oh, my God. You're a you're a monster. You're a sociopath. How is that? We were just fascinated with her instant like sadness. I thought you were the true sociopath, but it's you I know. It really was messed up. No, no, no, to be fair, I did it to my grandmother, Maudie, too. I used to go, remember that?

That beloved one that perished? It was fun. We used to call it, it was the old fun, we called it the perish game. Oh, man. Hey, let's go play perish, and we go into Maudie's room. Remember the one you loved who perished? It was the old fun, we called it the parish game. Hey, let's go play parish and we go into Monty's room. Remember the one you loved who perished?

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Look at them waterworks. You're an awful, awful person. No joke, that was really bad. Yeah, you're a bad person. It was bad, we would make her laugh just for fun. All right, well listen, let's have some good come from this. I mean, cry.

You don't need to clarify no joke. We know that it's bad. We would make her cry just for fun. Yeah, yeah, I know. Because we were terrible people. Let's have some good come from this. You don't need to clarify, no joke. We know that it's bad. We would make her cry just for fun. Yeah, yeah, I know. Because we were terrible people. Let's have some good come out of this. If you're listening right now and you're tempted to go mock a very, very old relative

by reminding them of someone they lost long ago, think twice. Yeah. That's a little word from Cone, O'Brien. Needs a friend. What if one day your great grandchildren come up to you and you're old and wrinkly and sleeping in their bedroom and start doing this to you?

Will you laugh? I'll be so old. Look, I think, did you ever do anything when you were younger where you were like, that's a shitty thing? Like, I used to egg houses, and now I'm like, that's not cool. We would play, did you ever play Dead Man?

No. Where you'd lie half in the street, half on the curb like you're dead, and wait for a car to drive by and stop and go like, are you okay? And all the other kids are hiding in the bushes listening. No! And you just go, no, I'm just looking at the stars.

Matt, really? Don't act so surprised. That's nowhere near what you did. That is a horrible thing you used to do. No. That is so bad. Look, my mom unfortunately saw this clip. My mom, that's my mom's grandma, Medzik.

She's my great grandma. She was an incredible woman. I can't believe I called her old as shit. And I think that that's a terrible word usage that I had. But she was an incredible, incredible lady. I do feel bad. I think I just kind of said it in a flippant way, but I do feel bad that I used to make her cry just for fun,

which is an awful thing to do. How old were you? I was like, I think I was around 10 or 11. And it is- So definitely old enough to know better. You know what? That's the thing. I was old enough to know better. I think people are hearing you, your true self right now.

Yes. I do think like the older I get to, the more I realize I can cry very easily. So I think that we were just kind of like, look at her, have emotions just from us saying a name. And I feel like now as a human, I would be like, I shouldn't do that. It's kind of true.

Most kids are sociopaths and then you learn empathy as you have trauma. Oh my God. Again, don't act so shocked. Look, if there's any 10 or 11-year-olds listening and you have a great grandma who can cry very easily, like, just don't do it. Okay.

Well, we cleared that up. Oh, jeez, that was hard to watch. That was hard to watch. It's hard to be a partner sometimes. Oh. Oh. This next one is Conan's Hot Ones recap. This was quite a moment in the pop culture last year. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Hot Ones episode, I think in terms of Conan's career, was probably one of the most unhinged, just funniest things I think I've ever seen him do.

Yeah. But yeah, it was really, I mean, it was incredible how many people were talking about him after that. And so, yeah, this one's really funny. Let's listen. How are you? I'm doing great How are you?

I'm doing great. Are you? I am. Okay. A lot of people are asking me, how do I feel? Cause you ate a lot of spicy food on Hot Ones. Yes, I went on the show Hot Ones, and I did not, I was aware of the show, obviously.

It's a very successful show. I hadn't really, can't say I was an expert on the show. I went in thinking, well, whatever happens, I just have to eat all the wings and just go for it and make a fool of myself. And so that's, I kind of had that plan in mind, but didn't know much beyond that. The host, very good, excellent.

I like that guy a lot. He's a very good interviewer. He is. He's a really good interviewer and they do a really good job on that show. So Sean's asking me questions and I was just determined to just keep stuffing these wings in no matter what.

And then of course, me being me, I start drinking the sauce and rubbing it around on my face and my chest and everything. And the whole, and I've, so when I walk around now, because a lot of people have seen this, people keep asking me if I'm okay. I wonder the same thing. Well, I also just watched Conan Must Go, which is fantastic, by the way.

And in Thailand, you get pretty floored, albeit comedy, comedically by some sauce. So I thought you're gonna go down when I see Hot Ones. Yeah. Yeah. No, well, we played that up for comedy and then, and you're allowed to, in a sketch world or comedy world, you can fake things a little bit.

I'm aware of them. Yes. Is that how comedy works? Comedy works, really? I really, when I look at you two, I think an explanation might be in order. So what's the deal? Do you not have taste buds or something?

How did you do that? I have never seen you eat spicy food. I don't eat spicy food. You know, there's people who like put Tabasco or Tapioca on stuff. I've had so many meals with you and I've never seen you eat spicy food. I have a theory is that the only thing worse

than that amount of thermal spice would be you not somehow getting the attention that eating all of that would give you. Yes, and all joking aside, and also I've had a bunch of people posit that I have the red hair gene, which is there's a, you know, when I go to the dentist and they give me Novocaine, they then go to drill and it's like, I haven't had Novocaine.

And I'm always saying, I feel everything right now. And they always say, oh yeah, you're a redhead. I don't know if that's, but I've had many dentists say that to me and they keep, they give me a lot more and they say that redheads have a whatever, higher pain threshold or something. I don't know what it is. Meaning you feel less pain, you feel more pain.

I don't, you don't, well, you don't feel, I don't know, I don't know exactly how it works and I'm just freewheeling here, I just know what I've been told by people. I don't think it's it, I think you have it, Matt, which is I've always been, if I think something will be funny, I'll do it and deal with it later.

And did you? Yeah, I did deal with it later. I was dealt with later. How did it manifest itself? I've become, I've spot welded an iron. I spot welded it. We're all thinking the same thing. I spot welded, I went to it, I went, I wanted it to be useful.

What and how much did you shit? How much did your butt hurt? Here's what I decided to do. And do your butt taste buds? Here's what I decided to do. And do your butt taste buds. Here's what I decided to do. I decided that I wanted, after I ingested all that, I wanted it to be useful. So I found a construction site where they were doing spot welding.

And I went there and I said, gentlemen, if you want, I can weld these girders for you in about, I'm guessing about 15 minutes. You'll need to avert your eyes because I'll be dropping my pants. And they said, okay. And I said, I will need someone to stay behind and light it. And then we'll be all set to go. So there's a building in the mid Wilshire district that's going up.

And I think I did about 65 rivets in the building. And people were driving by saying, Conan O'Brien, his pants are around his ankles. And I think fire is shooting out of his ass and he's welding a building. And here's the biggest problem. I had to join the union. But that way everybody wins. There's a building and trust me, that section of the building will never fall. That's the best.

And they've had an engineer say, whoever did this, these are heat temperatures we've never seen. So every time you're gonna weld something, you just have to eat a lot of hot wings? Yes, I'm in the Union now. And all I have to do is, I've got all the sauces from Hot Ones. You are the saddest X-Man ever.

Yeah. Meet the X-Men. Really, he's on the X-Men? What do we do with him? His name's Assweld. What's this super, and I just, and you know what it is? I have a bandolier and instead of ammunition, it's just sauces.

And they're like, what are we gonna do? How are we gonna get out of this thing? The bad guys have sealed us in this lead safe. Hold on a second. A little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little. Boom. Ass. Hold on a second! A little, little, little, little, little, little, little, boom! Ah! Ah!

It's a pull your pants down? You have to pull your pants down. Does your uniform have a compartment? Oh, yeah, the uniform has. And the compartment. Like a union suit, the little thing, little flap you? Well, actually, it's a very tiny flap that's the exact circumference of an anus.

Oh. It's a tiny circle that unflaps. Oh. And then just a beam of the whitest light you've ever seen comes out. Phosphorus. A phosphorus, yeah. And everyone has to put on welding goggles. Oh God.

Oh my God. Do you see what I'm doing? I'm raising my ass out of the shore. Why? Because I feel like I'm just having psychosomatic symptoms of that or something. You know what? I think you asked the question everybody was thinking after Hot Ones, which is like, had it come out?

Right. He joked, but we don't really know. I know. Maybe that's true, you know, maybe. Maybe it's true that he welded a building. Maybe. With his butt. The reason why I love that clip is that I think more than most clips shows how good

Conan is at improv. He took basically a thing of like, yeah, my stomach is upset and my butt was burning and turned it into like a movie. It was like a three act structure. A fully developed character. That's right. That had to join the union. Exactly, I mean just so many amazing,

I mean truly it was just like a one man show. So that's a lot of- Yeah, and how many welding terms he just randomly just pulls out of his ass. Pun intended. Well done. Thank you. I have to say, I haven't watched these

since we recorded them. Me either. But so this is really fun. Yeah. We should do this more often. I have to say I I haven't watched these since we recorded them either But so it's this is really fun. Yeah, we should do this more. I agree. We just watch ourselves Come over later and watch Watch you You edited yourself out of every video, but there's just a big ghorly We knew we wanted to have like some reference to hot ones, you know in this because that like you said such a big moment What we couldn't really fit into this episode was the Dr. Arroyo special

Oh my god. Which was also Cause it's just so long right? It's so long But it's consistently fun And it contains what I think might be the funniest line of the year on this podcast Which is when he says Dr. Arroy, I want you to come and take my pulse. And then he start choking me.

And then Dr. Arroyo, Jose Arroyo, hilarious writer, says, I thought you wanted me to take your pulse. Take your pulse. Take it away. Oh, god, that guy. It's so funny. Well, as brilliant as Conan is at improv, he's not a great arm wrestler.

He's weak. He's a weak little man. This also, I think, out of maybe all the segments we've done this year, is the most chaotic. I'm trying to remember. All I can remember from this is utter victory. That's the only thing I remember, so I'm excited to see this.

Then you're in for a treat. Did you really think he would ever beat you? I knew you were gonna win. Did you really? I don't know, I don't know because he is... I don't know about his physicality, but he has a willpower like no human I've ever met before. So sometimes that's all you need, you know?

But I also, he is a very strong person too. I mean, he works out, but I also know that he would put too much thought into it. Oh, interesting. And he'd be like in his own know that he would put too much thought into it. Oh, interesting. And he'd be like in his own head. Or I'm just all animal magnetism. You're just a dumb jock. And you're like, fuck you, I'm Russell.

Yeah, let's do it. And then I went home to my cheerleaders. Classic Matt. Classic. All right, let's roll this. I want to see this. Maybe we'll watch it twice. Ha ha ha ha ha. This is what we were just talking about. I made a declaration that I'm pretty sure

I could take anybody in this room in a physical fight, except I said, Blay, I don't think I could take you because you work out all the time. Thank you very much. You could. I don't think I could. But, and then everyone started to get into it like, no, you couldn't, you couldn't take Eduardo. But you said more than that.

Yeah. You said I'd fight you without my hands. Yes, well, I know that you're a huge. And I still think he'd win. Yeah, no, I think you're a huge, you're a huge soccer fan. You love Lionel Messi. It's Lionel, by the way. And I just think you're probably like,

in the back of your mind, think I can't use my hands. I've got to get him with my feet. And then I just think you're probably like in the back of your mind think I can't use my hands, I've got to get them with my feet, and then I just lay you out, you know? And then Adam, I'm sorry, but I just, it would be over very quickly. I disagree. Yeah. I think Adam's the quiet prize fighter, you know? Have you been in many physical fights?

Very few. Um. Very few. Very. Very few. Very few, sir. Sona, I think, rightfully said that she couldn't see me getting, like, working up enough rage for the fight. Yeah, I think, first of all, you remind me, and the listeners probably thinking,

well, we can't picture this Adam Sacks. Imagine a milder Michael Cera. Is that fair? Like, even a milder Michael Cera. Is that fair? Like even milder and not as strong. Like Michael Cera is like on steroids compared to- No, but he's Adam's tall and light. I think, do you wanna arm wrestle across the table? Oh, yes.

Come on. No, I can't. This rotator cuff. Oh, really? I'd like to see this. My money's on this guy right here. No, I can't. This rotator cuff. Oh, really? I'd like to see this. My money's on this guy right here. Well, wait a minute. Whoever wins an arm wrestling struggle

does not win the fight. No, it is a one indicator of strength. It doesn't mean I would beat you in a fight, but it means I'd beat you in a single feat of strength. Well, this thing's in the way. Oh, no. But listen, let's keep the conversation going for a bit first, okay?

And then we'll see if this so-called test of fighting aptitude gets us there. You know, so every time you're in a stressful situation or let's say you're walking down the street with your wife and some thug stands in the way and says, give me your money, you're gonna say, will arm wrestle and see who gets my gold? Is that what you'll say?

It's, I mean, it came to mind. We can figure out other ways to test our strength. How about I fight you? I fight you. But you're blindfolded. I mean, I'm- I can't do that, you know, mic'd up. It's easier to sit at the table.

And what about, now, Matt, what do you, when you see me, when you see you coming after me, I know you're ageist and stuff, but come on. I mean, look at, look at this guy. This guy's- No, you look great. You're super fit for your age. And I want to say this.

The only thing I've got going in my corner is a desperate need to prove something to you, my father figure. Yes! And so that might be enough to take me over the top. Also, I'm betting, just because I know you've got a lot of flea markets and you love to buy weird things, I bet you have a Flemish suit of armor at home.

And probably some kind of antique brass knuckle. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. Or a grill with a knife cane, you know. You have all kinds of weapons, ironically. I bet you have those. What's an ironic? Oh, you know, like a bumper shoot that has a little- That's what I just said.

A little knife that comes out- That's what I literally just said. I know, but it comes out- Before you even got that. But one that has like a James Bond- That's what I just said. You didn't say one that has a little knife that comes out, did you?

I did, I said, I did. Did he say this? Oh, I think I would lose this fight. I wouldn't even know I was in a fight. I'm telling you, as my body grows stronger and it does every day, ladies, I think my mind is going. I didn't hear you say that,

but then again, I was yelling at you and I wasn't really listening. Well, see, you need your mind. You can't just be fleet of foot. You need your mind in a fight, you know? Yeah, and coordination. You have no coordination. You have no coordination be fleet of foot. You need your mind in a fight, you know? Yeah. And coordination. You have no coordination. You have no coordination.

Let's get to the bigger thing, and I think Sona could take you. I can easily take you. And you know I can take you. You would have the rage. You know what, I do have the rage. I do have the rage. I will say this.

An angry Sona beats everyone in this room. Yeah, I think we're all agreed. I've seen you when your blood is up, and you are the Khaleesi. It's insane. The dragons, the whole thing. But you don't have is up and you are the Khaleesi. It's insane. The dragons, the whole thing. But you don't have, yes, you are a strong person. I have a lot of inner rage.

You do, but you also, you don't have very much coordination. And I think you'd be doing a lot of bits. I would do bits. You'd be putting the pen and be like, hey mustache, a pen. Yes, yes, I would do bits as I fought, which I think is very impressive. I managed to do bits when I fight people. I don't think that is impressive.

And I think you'd get beaten up. Unless it's a distracting tactic. Oh, it wouldn't be distracting. It's a lot of me using glasses. If I have a pen, I make it a mustache or I make it like, oh, I'm the walrus with one tusk. Yeah, you did the walrus with one tusk. With one tusk.

I'm the walrus with one tusk, you know? There's only one way to decide this, and that is right now. Fight club. Yeah, Battle Royale. It's the six of us. Why don't you guys go right now? Okay, so, Jesus.

What are you doing? Trying to swing at you. Already I feel like, I don't know anything about arm wrestling technique, but I can tell it's not right. I know nothing about arm wrestling. All right. And I don't think it's a chest of strength.

All right, on your marks. And we hold these hands? Ready? Wait, what are you guys doing? Hold the bottom hand. What are you doing? Trying to say something? All right, and I don't think it's a chest of strength. All right on your marks. We hold these hands ready Over and held my other hand over the top rules if we don't have the little joysticks You want to get one milkshake and two straws Hey, how about we both? Start on different ends of a strand of spaghetti and move our way to the metal Have you people never are with someone you loved dearly and wanted to get close? Give me your hand he held my hand

Was a little bit of a rub That's on the side that's not in the middle that's on the side to go that's in the middle. That's on the side. This is so you can't... A disagreement has broken out in chess club is what's happening. This is the weirdest... I have never seen this technique. My microphone is over here. What are you doing with this hand? I have never seen this technique before. Ready? Yeah. Wait.

Okay, but... Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You're on this side of the table pushing that way. What the fuck did you do? Gourley won easily. No, but you saw what he did. You're on this side of the table. There's no way. Well, let's switch places then like the... Arm wrestling. No, just stay there but get here.

This is chaos. Here we go, ready? Yep. Wait, no! Win, win. Win! Here we go ready What the fuck is wrong with you? What the fuck is wrong with you? Can't you arm wrestle? Oh my god, look at that. He broke my skin. Stabbed him with a pen. Here's the thing.

Dirty. You have the saddest arm wrestling I've ever seen. Look, when I said I would win, what I'm telling you is I would win. I would use anything in the room to win. Yeah, you know what? You would. I think you would. I think you're the best cheater. Yeah, that's true. I don't call it cheating.

Is it cheating when Jason Bourne uses, he uses something in the kitchen when the Russian attacks him and beats him? That's not cheating. I just wanna say, he does use a pen, but he uses the pointy nib and you just took the the blunt curvy end. Because I didn't.

Look at that. Matt, I didn't want to hurt you. Do you realize if I'd use the sharp? I thought about that. You did, you could have killed me. I would like my dream is that all of you attack me at once. That's my dream too. Okay, I think we all have the same dream.

Oh, wow. I think we all have the same dream. -♪ GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING. -♪ Oh, wow. Oh, man. Still feels good after all this time. Part two, yeah. That really was... Yeah, no, I will. I forgot how much he went after. He just totally dismissed my story. I think we need to have a tournament.

Like, have you guys ever seen Over the Top, the Stallone movie? And that's what I'm talking about when I reference those joysticks, when you do professional arm wrestling. And so when you do it at truck stops like I often am, you have to grab each other's hands underneath. That's how you do it. I defend this. And there are people online that will come to my defense on this.

I think the interesting thing was you just assumed Conan knew that. That's true. Maybe that was my mistake. So that you went to hold his hand, and he just didn't understand what you were... I think nobody did. I think, no, no, nobody did. I think we were all like, why are you? It was confusing to everybody in the room. Really?

Yes. You guys gotta get out, you know? To truck stops? Yeah, truck stops and dive bars and honky tonks. It's like a switch. Exactly, yes. He turns his hat around and that's when he goes in the end. But we need to have a tournament.

How does that work? So you just, everybody does, everybody arm wrestles everybody and then the winners proceed? Do we have to have one? It's either round robin where we all. Yeah, we have to. It's either, there's three choices. It's round robin where we all arm wrestle each other

or we come up with heats into a bracket or we don't do it. I think the third option is probably the best. Honestly, that was, there was so much testosterone in that segment. Which is rare for this room. It is, That's what is so crazy, is that you guys are not like, you'll kick anyone's ass. You're not, nobody in this room is like that. But we had an entire segment where we just talked about

whether or not we could all beat up Conan. I would like to do like, maybe this summer, you know, now that we're talking about this, maybe a podcast Olympics to find out which one of us is the best podcaster. And it could be different events that aren't necessarily all, you know, who has the best pronunciation of different words, perhaps.

Who, you know, oh, okay, maybe not. No, I didn't know what goes into being a good podcaster. I stand only to lose in this. Mike technique. I've almost been doing this for 20 years and if I don't win this, I'm gonna, that's a huge embarrassment. The stakes are high.

I'm just saying it could lend itself to a competition. Eduardo? You're right. Sure. Sure. Thanks buddy. What is good? You forget your retainer today?

I'm a great podcester. I just love, I love your idea of like being a great podcaster is do you enunciate and then do you have good mic technique? That also felt like a Conan joke to you. Oh yeah. Oh jeez. Oh, I was not thinking that.

I was not. Yeah, that's true. I know of all the things. I mean, obviously I would lose that one because also. Well, no, because Conan does this all the time. I'm constantly editing it out. I'm constantly editing it out. I'm constantly editing out his... Wow, you're gonna lose.

So you've been doing this for 20 years? Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of enunciation... Oh, that's right. And this was from a Summer S'mores with Conanonesy and the Chill Chums, where we played the camp game Chubby Bunny, which like holding hands under the arm wrestling, you guys didn't know or Conan didn't know.

I didn't know about Chubby Bunny. You guys, you got to get to truck stops and summer camp. Here's the thing. I remember, I remember you talking about how you learned about Chubby Bunny at summer camp, but then I feel like shortly after you were saying you never went to summer camp. I learned about it when I taught at an improv summer camp at Biola Bible College. Wait, is this the same? Is this when you were also talking about when you kept getting homesick? That was a different improv camp that I taught in my woods.

You were saying that you were homesick at camp and then it turned out you were not a camper. You were homesick. And you were a fully grown adult. You said Viola? Wait. So that's not even, you weren't even that far from where you live. No, it was La Mirada, and I lived in Whittier, the next town over. No, I lived in Long Beach at the time. Oh, that's better.

Also, this was an improv camp that was not affiliated with the Bible college. It just rented the thing. But there's, on that was not affiliated with the Bible college. It just rented the thing. But there's on that campus, there's a building with a photo realistic 40 foot tall Jesus. And every time you're doing improv, you look up at this Jesus just staring down at you. Is he at least laughing? Well, he's got a mouth full of marshmallows. All right, let's roll it.

When you guys were at camp, did you ever play chubby bunny? I don't know what that is. You don't? I don't know what that is. Okay, we don't have to do this, but this was just an idea that came up when we were discussing this season. What happens is everybody takes a marshmallow, you put it in your mouth, and you say the words, chubby bunny. And then we take turns adding a marshmallow each time

until someone can't say chubby bunny anymore, and they're out. All right. Okay? Can we eat the marshmallow? You have to keep it in your mouth. All right. This is the game Marlon Brando was playing when he secured the role for the Godfather.

Can I keep drinking? Yeah. Will it dissolve the mud? Oh no, you can't drink. You can't drink. All right. So Sona's out. Ooh, chubby bunny.

So you can't swallow it, you can't chew it, you have to keep it in your mouth. Let me just hold on. Yeah, that's all it does a lot. Let me stock up. Never ever heard of this. You've never heard of this? No.

God, you grew up in a strange way. I did. Yeah. No, no, I grew up in a strange way. I did. Yeah. No, no, I have strange tails and stuff, but there was no Chubby Bunny in my background. Who's played Chubby Bunny? Every hand goes up. Oh my god.

No, Eduardo's gave me the thumbs down. I've never heard of it. Never played it? Never. Okay. All right. Chubby Bunny. Wait, does that count as you saying Chubby bunny? It didn't sound like chubby bunny.

Chubby bunny. She's out. She's out. You, first of all, you can't articulate things when you're. You're not giving in. Ah! Chubby. A bunny. I'm gonna throw up! Throw my okay! I'm gonna throw up! Throw my okay!

I'm gonna throw up! I'm gonna throw up! I'm gonna throw up! I'm gonna throw up! I'm gonna throw up! I'm gonna throw up! I'm gonna throw up! I'm gonna throw up!

I'm gonna throw up! I'm gonna throw up! Oh my god. Oh god, you alright, sonny? Oh my god, don't choke me down. I was gonna throw up! You're out. Okay, wrong! This game brought to you by Dr. Heimlich. I was gonna, I was going to throw up. I was actually going to throw up. These are the biggest marshmallows of all time.

This is food. Come on, girl, stuff it in your mouth, girly. These marshmallows are quite- Chubby bunny, bitch! Chubby bunny! Chubby bunny! Sunday, oh, God. So then, I'm born again. Oh, no.

Oh, God, there's so much spit there, girls. Mmm. Oh my god. Oh my god! That giant mouth. Pfft. Hahaha. SIT IN.

BLEUGH. Hahaha. This is so stupid. This is so stupid. This is so dumb. This is the dumbest thing I've ever been part of. This is cool. And this is difficult. I just love that you can't talk.

I'm a Spartan. The sport is football. And this is the Gettysburg Address. What is coming up? This is the Gettysburg Address. It's so grotesque. The old man is trying to make an equal. Are you doing the Gettysburg Address?

Yes I am. This means I win. Okay, that's it. Ah! Ahhhhh! Oh god! Oh! More napkins!

How'd you guys do more than one? There's no winners in Chubby Bunny Only Losers. I don't know why, I have one question. Yeah. I developed this... ...fistidious way of talking. I was going, a-chub-ay, a-bun-ay. And I wasn't even trying to.

But in my effort to over-enunciate, it came out as, a-chub-ay, a-bun-ay. And I wasn't trying to do that. It's just what happened. Could you tell it was the Gettysburg Address? Yeah, I could. Oh yeah, definitely. Well, there you go.

Also, if there's anything you're reciting, it's usually the Gettysburg address. Oh, man. Oh my God. Chill Drums is so fun. Yeah, because we get to drink. Yeah, although this year, not until much later. I know.

And so I remember just like downing those drinks you gave us and I got pretty hammered pretty quickly. That's nice. Yeah, I made up for lost time. Yeah, good, good. We gotta change that rule for next year. We do, but I don't think Conan's gonna want to.

Well, he doesn't have to know. He's like, why do you guys have to get drunk? Cause he's not, he doesn't, he can't hang with us. No, he can't. That's why you and I will pregame. Yeah. We're gonna go to Pachanga's why you and I will pregame. Yeah. We're gonna go to Pechanga Casino. We're gonna pregame there?

Why can't we just go somewhere else? Okay, that's fine. That's fine too. What was I gonna say? Okay, so in order to promote the Chill Chums, because we recorded it in Altadena, Ruthie and Sam are two of the awesome people in our marketing team,

got in touch with the Altadena Chamber of Commerce. And then I ended up joining the Altadena Chamber of Commerce. And then very recently I went to one of their events and I had a blast. Wait, don't you have to have a business to be in the Chamber of Commerce? You don't, not in Altadena at least.

I just was like a normal person and I just signed up to be in the Chamber of Commerce. What do you do and what kind of blast did you have? Something called the sip and shop. Oh. Yes. And you sipped, you shopped, and then there was a live band and you could just dance and have a really nice time

in Alta Dina. What did you sip? Wine. You paused. I took shots. You guys Jaeger bombed. We did a Jaeger bomb. Oh, man. I haven't done a Jaeger bomb in ages We should do old-school drinks that we don't do anymore like Long Island ice tea. Yeah, right sex on the beach. Yeah

Southern comfort. I can't drink soco. I can't do it because I still remember that one time I had a house party and threw up Zima for loco. Four loco? That was more recent though. I still got some. No, you don't. Do you really? No, I don't.

Okay. All right. All right. Well. Speaking of commerce. Oh, right. Very good. That's right. This last clip is actually not from the show itself, but an ad and it's kind of become infamous. It's the Lux Bidet ad. Oh yeah. Which I have to admit, I have never fully seen. I've heard about it.

Yeah. But when I edit, the ads are not in the episodes. They are what's called dynamically inserted later, and Mars edits the ads. So I've never really heard or seen this full thing. So I'm very excited. Really? Yeah. I wasn't even, I don't, if this is thing. So I'm very excited. Really? I wasn't even, I don't, if this is the one

that I think is the first one, I wasn't even, yeah, I wasn't even here for that. Wow, okay, yeah. And so David was sitting in for me, and this is, since then we've done, I think, a couple other LuxBidets, but this was the first one, and this one is apparently, I don't know if I've ever listened to it all the way through either. We weren't sure how Lux was goingay ads, but this was the first one, and this one is apparently... I don't know if I've ever listened to it

all the way through either. We weren't sure how Lux was going to react, and listeners will understand why after they, I think, see the clip or hear the clip, but they were so thrilled about it that they, you know, kept coming back and wanting more ads. Oh, they're crazy. -♪ The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, easy. I worked hard. I wrote a thesis in college. I wrote a thesis. I've worked hard for years. I've raised a family. I've never gone to jail.

I've never committed a crime. And here I am explaining how you gotta shoot water up your ass! Ridiculous! Insanity! What did I do? What am I, some kind of... I don't understand, how did this happen? Toilet paper has no business trying to battle the mess of a large holiday meal? Do you know what they're implying?

They're implying that if I eat a large holiday meal? Do you know what they're implying? They're implying that if I eat a large holiday meal, I just am gonna, my bottom's gonna explode? It's gonna be too much for any toilet paper? No toilet paper can handle that! No! You need a whole other device! You need a bidet that shoots water! No more smearing, it says here on the copy, no more skid marks! What happened to this? A precise stream?

A precise stream! Luxe bidet, oh here we go, is the number one best-selling bidet bread, and I thought I had sold out! Can I just say, they say people will laugh when they first see it and we sure did. We haven't even seen it. Three million satisfied customers across the US and over 150,000 five-star reviews on Amazon. Who uses a bidet and then says,

I've got to go give an Amazon review. I've checked back there seven times. Clean as a whistle. My... This is, I'm gonna keep going because people are laughing too hard. Lux bidet offers a range of patented bidet models. Oh really? Including the award winning Neo Plus series. What does that do?

Yeah, the bidet comes and finds you when it's time to poop. I think you should go. Really. I think you should go. Really? I think you should go. That was a large burrito. Lux bidet's Neo Plus series is the next generation of bidet attachment with never before seen patented features. That's right, never before seen.

This series features a 360 degree self-clean mode. 360 degree self-clean mode. Are people spinning around on their ass? Easy lift design, fast slide in installation, plus all the same features as their best-selling bidets. Oh my god Then it says please talk about what you why you love your Lux bidet. I don't have one But this is my favorite ad ever. This is a fantastic ad and this is gonna go out as it is or it won't go out Get the gifts your friends and family will never forget

this holiday season. Hey, grandma, wash your ass. Use code NA to get 20% off bidets at luxbidet.com. That's L-U-X-E-B-I-D-E-T.com. And code N slash A for 20% off. They made me spell bidet. code and slash a for 20% off. They made me spell bidet. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Now one of my favorite things about that ad that many people probably don't know is there's a person sitting in the back of that room and Eduardo, do you want to explain who that person is? Shout out to Brendan Burns who we had invited that day to come and sit in, unbeknownst to me, I didn't know what coding was gonna be reading that day. And Brendan, you might hear him in the credits

he mixes for the show. But this was his first day to just kinda get a lay of the studio. He never, I met him right before the ad session. He had never sat in on a session with us before. And then this happens. And it's really funny to watch the video and see Brendan kind of looking around like,

should I, is this how things are? Is this made a huge mistake? Really, really, really funny. It does kind of make you want to buy a bidet though. Yeah, I think so. I think, oh man. I love that you can, like Conan usually gets a stack of ads, starts reading and sort of like,

is understanding in real time what the ad is. And you can see him discovering what he's reading an ad for as he's getting further and further into the copy. Yeah. And I do, going back to what you said about his improv, when he does ads, it is so, because he is reading everything and saying everything as he's recording. And then the stuff he comes up with is just unbelievable.

Like in the spot. So it is, it is really, I mean, like, I didn't think I would enjoy doing ads for this podcast with him as much as I do, but I really love doing ads with him. It's really funny. God, that's so funny. You should get a Lux bidet. Me?

They should send us like 20. You know what? Because of this ad, I got one and it is awesome. How'd you get one? I bought one. Oh, they didn't give you one? I used the code. Cause now we're giving them double exposure here.

We're not even dynamic inserting this shit. No, this is all time. This is just in there. Send us our bidets inserting this shit. This is all time. This is just in there. Send us our bidets. Send us. I haven't gotten a paycheck from this place since 2003. Oh, right.

None of us have. Yeah, none of us have. No, we don't get paid. Well, Conan's a horrible boss, but he's a wonderful man. Yes. And we're thinking about you. Yes, we are. We are thinking of, I don't think he's gonna be listening.

No, but I'm just sending that out. I know he doesn't listen. Yeah, but you're right. But this hardly seems like the episode to trash talk him. It's true, but we have been. Yeah, we have. I will say it is really

obvious that he's not here. He is our leader. He's just the he always turns everything that we say into the funniest thing you could possibly hear. And I think that he's definitely missed. I do like just the two of us being here.

I'm not gonna lie. Do you wanna just go a little longer? I know, why not? Let's just, how you been? I'm pretty good, how you been? Not bad, not bad. Yeah. You got up a day?

I actually do. You do? Yeah. On that seat right now? I installed it onto this seat and I am sitting in Conan's seat. So he's going to come back with a nice surprise. Well, we'll be back next week with our favorite clips from all the interview guests. And we should mention if you want to see these clips in their entirety, you can go to the

Team Coco YouTube channel. So what you've heard on almost all of these has just been a selected portion of a longer clip that you can watch on YouTube. All right, that's it. That's all she wrote. Excuse me? That's all she did. That's all she did. Who's she?

She did it. Who did? She's Mrs. Podcast. From Mr. and Mrs. Podcast. This is Team Coco saying, have a wonderful 2024, what's left of it. She's so too proud. That was so awkward.

Mine. That was so awkward, whatever's left of it. Yeah, thanks for coming. Thanks for coming and thanks for staying. Yes. Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming and thanks for staying. Thanks for just being you. Yes. Thank you. We gotta stop. Let's do it. Let's end?

Yeah. Alright. Thanks for listening, everybody. You don't want to add anything to this? Bye. We love you. Is that too much? Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian, and Matt Gourley. Is that too much? Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Leow. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and Mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnik. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brit Kahn.

You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.