Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Alex Edelman

Episode Date: August 26, 2024

Comedian Alex Edelman feels apprehensive about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Alex sits down with Conan to chat about local stories from their shared hometown of Brookline, MA, performing his one-man show Just For Us in the wake of the passing of longtime friend, collaborator, and director Adam Brace, and focusing in on the need for empathy in comedy. Plus, Sona reveals the absolute funniest thing she ever heard when Conan and his team Review the Reviewers. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone].

Hi, my name is Alex Edelman. And I feel apprehensive about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, bend the shoes, walk and lose, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I am the aforementioned Conan, Conan O'Brien.

Aries. Okay. Brookline, Massachusetts. Quite a life. Quite a life I've had. I guess it's drawing to a close now. And I'm being joined by Sonam O'Sessian. Sona, how are you? Can I ask a question?

Go for it. This has been a while. Can we change the name of the podcast to Conan O'Brien, Sonam O'Sessian, and Matt Gorley need a friend? You know what, I think that's a really good idea. And Matt Gorley's is here as well. Gemini.

Yeah, Gemini. Libra. I enjoy pasta and long walks on the beach with pasta. Your question. Sona, no, the answer is no. And it's not even up to me at this point. I think the great Adam Sacks, who's in the room at all times, our overlord, our overseer, he would say,

oh, terrible idea to change the branding at this point. It would diffuse and he's nodding vigorously. Well, it's also false, because we don't need friends because we have each other. That's true. I'm just saying maybe Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Matt Gorley and Sonamal Obsessian. Yeah, no, it just, it dilutes the brand

and it's bad for merch. And listen. It's bad for merch. What if we just lose your name and it's just the two of us? Yeah. Okay, good luck with that. And then- He needs a friend.

I would say enjoy the poor house, but this isn't Dickensian London. I wish there were poor houses still. What? Yeah, they used to throw you into the poor house and then it's in every Dickens novel. Someone gets thrown into the poor house and you can't get out of the poor house

unless you give the money back, but you can't make the money back if you're in the poor house and you can't get out of the poor house unless you give the money back, but you can't make the money back if you're in the poor house. Cause you've stolen something, is that how it works? No, not even, someone will just get into debt and they would come by and they would say, we're taking you to the poor house. And they would throw you in and then you couldn't get out

for the longest time. I've heard that term, I never thought about where it was. Yes, it goes back to, it's all over Dickens. There's so many things in Dickens I wish would come back. Poor house, pickpockets. Where are all the pickpockets, by the way? Street urchins. Street urchins.

Yeah. There's so much good stuff. Old hags. Old hags wearing tattered wedding dresses. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I just, you know,

that kind of thing. Just bowls of porridge and gruel. Yeah, may I have some? Please, sir, may I have some more? More of porridge and gruel. Yeah, may I have some? Please, sir, may I have some more? More porridge, more gruel. No, I don't think he even says he just may have some more. Sorry. Sorry, sir.

Are you guys doing the same person? You're both doing Oliver? My guy's Australian. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm doing Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. Okay. That's, yeah. I'll claw you with me claws.

It's all fucked up what I'm doing right now. It doesn't make any sense. Hello, Deadpool. And I'm doing short stay again. Get to the chopper. Get to the chopper. I'll be right back, Uzi nine millimeter. Okay.

I'll be back. Dickens-Wolverine crossover? Yeah. Okay, good. Yeah. Man, that Deadpool movie, I really did enjoy it. I'm going to just say that. We're not getting paid to say that.

Saw that with my son Beckett. We had a blast. It was really fun. And it brought me back to the time. I know I've mentioned this before, but I always think about it when I was in a gym and I was really proud of myself. I've told you this, right?

Yeah. And I was working out in a hotel gym in Atlanta. And I was really like, hey, I think I'm working out really hard hotel gym in Atlanta, and I was really like, hey, I think I'm working out really hard. And then on my peripheral vision, I saw someone without a shirt doing an insane workout where they were pulling up their whole body effortlessly, and I looked over at Hugh Jackman,

and he looks at me and it like winked and was like, hey mate, whatever, and I just thought, Jesus. My penis went up inside my body. It crawled up into my lung. Never come out. I keep trying to lure it out with a little bit of cheese. Yeah. Your penis eats cheese.

Yeah. I'm sorry. My penis is, some penises are lactose intolerant. Mine's a real cheese eater. A real cheese out. Every time when I was dating, I'd drop my pants, someone would say, oh, a cheese eater, eh? That's very Dickens.

Yeah. Ah, a cheese eater, eh? And my penis would be holding a piece of Gouda with its tiny little hand. Well, I've never more emphatically put up a rap sign. So let's go ahead. To review, a Dickensian woman would see me drop my pants and go, cheese eater, eh?

Cork likes its Gouda, eh? You got a real milk sipper. Right? You got a cream guzzler. Well, I'm so glad. This is why PBS won't underwrite our podcast. I always wanted to say supported by B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B Angela Lansbury Foundation. The country should pay for this. I think. Oh, they're paying for it. Listen, yeah, they are paying.

In their own way, people are paying. Man, I really wanna keep applying for grants. We should. Let's start applying for grants. Okay. So that the money would come, would be taken away from programs in schools. Like Nova.

And programs like Nova, and I would get it, and then people would be outraged, and they would listen to the podcast, like, why is he, well, let's check it out. Maybe it's educational. So if you- You got a real Gouda eating cockroach. Brought to you by a generous grant

from the W.M. Keck Foundation. Oh, did we send it, hearings? Sir, are you aware? Brought to you by the Mill and Melinda Gates Foundation. They're not together anymore. There's no transition here. Is it just the Gates Foundation now? Is it?

Yep, good cul-de-sac there, Asuna. Good instinct, just as I get into the intro. Really good. Well, time to get into the intro. But are Bill and Melinda still together? My guest today doesn't give a shit about Bill and Melinda Gates. This hilarious comedian who's Emmy nominated

comedy special Just For Us is now streaming on Max. I'm excited to talk to him today. Alex Edelman, welcome. I've come in hot today. I don't know what it is, but I feel like I have scores to settle. And then you just happened to be here when I'm in hot today. I don't know what it is, but I feel like I have scores to settle. And then you just happen to be here when I'm in this mood. I'm excited.

I'm like, I'm a fellow Brooklinian. So it's like. We should explain what that is. Cause people probably think it's a weird. We both sleep on Brooklyn and sheets. I'm sorry if that's a competitor to one of your sponsors. It doesn't matter. We drop, we lose sponsors left and right. Sorry, that's a competitor to one of your sponsors. It doesn't matter.

We drop, we lose sponsors left and right. We, I'll explain, first of all, much to talk about, and I wanna start by saying before anything else that I saw your special of your show, Just For Us, spectacular, absolutely amazing. I know that it is Emmy nominated, and that's why I wanted to get you in here to talk. We're gonna talk about this special

because I have a lot of questions for you, but I think before we begin to move on to, I think, more important areas, we should discuss the fact that you and I have a lot in common, which I found out the first time you were on my show. You leaned over and you said, I have a lot in common, which I found out the first time you were on my show. Yeah. You leaned over and you said,

I'm from Brooklyn, Massachusetts, and my dad's a doctor and knows your dad. I'm from Brooklyn, Mass. My dad's a doctor. And we both fled that legitimate profession. My father called me the next day and he went, oh, you were in Dr. O'Brien's son show the other day. Yes.

What? And he went, yeah, Dr. O'Brien's son show the other day. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yes. What? And he went, yeah, Dr. O'Brien's son's also a comedian. I went, this is a criminal misuse of the word also. Yeah. Yeah. It was like, yeah, and he went, you know, he's a good doctor. And I was like, well, his son's a good comic.

And he went, yeah, I would expect that because a dad's such a good doctor. You know, he's really. I love this struggle over what our true identities are. It was truly that though. He was like, you know, he still practices, it really comes in, it's a different, my dad, as if it was, he's part,

he's in a different grade at the school. He was like, you know, it's a different department, but he's got a lot of respect. I'm like, my dad's a cardiologist, so. Yeah, yeah. Your father's. And my dad is a microbiologist. Yeah. So I think my dad, a cardiologist, so. Your father's. And my dad is a microbiologist. Yeah.

So I think my dad, the way I've heard it, my dad's first day kind of working at Brigham Women's Hospital in Boston was I think 1954. Wow. And my dad is, I just saw him two days ago. I hear that was two days before they let the women in. It was just Brigham's, it was just Brigham's before that.

Exactly, yeah. It was the Peter Bent Brigham then, then they changed it to Brigham and Women's. And the whole world went to hell! But yeah, he worked there from like, I think he worked there for something like 65 years, something crazy. But it's cool, because every now and then

I bump into people who sort of, obviously they know my father and they respect my father, and they're not that interested in talking to me. Yeah. I get the same thing where people come up to me on the street with a crazed look in their eyes. I'm like, and I'll be like, hi, and they're like, your father saved my life.

And I'm like, oh. Cool. Check out, oh. Cool. Check out my special. Yeah. How'd you like the show? My father, by the way, if I ever referred to it growing up, I would say Brigham's, and my father would go, and women's. And I'm like, what's the difference?

Well, Brigham's is an ice cream parlor, and Brigham's and women's is the finest medical institution in the United States. He was very serious about it. But my dad's been practicing there for a long time, not nearly as long as your father, but feels great affinity for it. It's funny, because all my memories are our family,

there's six kids, and my dad drove this really rusting out Chevrolet Impala four door with a squeaky steering wheel. And my childhood memories are my dad getting us in the car to run a quick errand, me and a couple of my brothers maybe. And what he would do is he'd go to the laundromat, he'd go to this place and then he'd say, I'm just gonna, he abbreviated minute. He'd say, I'm just gonna take a min

and pop into the Brigham. And so he would park the car and he and pop into the Brigham. And so he would park the car and he would go into the Brigham Women's Hospital to like check on his bacteria, see what they were up to. And he would leave us in the car and sometimes 45 minutes to an hour would go by and then he'd come back and we'd be pissed.

But you couldn't complain because he was doing, you know, he was saving lives. You said it was gonna take a min, but it took an er. It took an er, yeah. It took an er. That was a full er. But that was my memory of, and I was thinking, you wouldn't leave a dog in a car that long these days.

I remember this memory of my father shaving in the car on the way to work with an electric razor but with both hands in the mirror on the way to work with an electric razor, but with both hands in the mirror while we're going down Route 9. And I was like, Dad, road. He'd be like, I have my knees, I got it. And he's like shaving like this, always so busy, always. I think my dad has been on call for 32 years.

I don't think my father has never, my father had a beeper until like, My father had a beeper and I thought, I remember as a kid, like in the 70s, my father had a beeper until like, like, unread it. My father had a beeper and I thought, I remember as a kid, like in the 70s, my father had a beeper because he was on call and I thought, technology will never advance any further than that box on his hip that makes a noise so he can go to a payphone.

We were growing up in synagogue, like on sat, I went to an Orthodox Jewish synagogue and my father's beeper would go off in synagogue and you could tell who was new based on who turned around and be like, what is that very electronic noise in the no electronic day timeframe? So I'd be able to turn around and my brothers be like, he's a doctor, he's a doctor, don't worry about it.

Chill, just chill. He's safe and last. Rebi, chill, chill Rebi. Yes, shut the fuck up. I had an interesting experience because I'm obviously super Irish Catholic. I'm growing up in Brookline, Mass and the different public schools,

they had real identities. And the one I was supposed to go to, Heath School was very kind of Irish Catholic. All the kids played hockey. It was all, it was kind of where I was supposed to go. I don't know why, I think my mother had gotten to a fight with someone at the PTA, something happened. And it started with my brother, Luke,

he was sent to the Driscoll School. The Driscoll School in Brookline was surrounded by four, literally on four sides, there are like four temples. And so it was predominantly Jewish. And I was the kind of, oh look, there's this orange haired kid named O'Brien. Yeah. And isn't this funny, he's Catholic.

So I was suddenly, I was invited to, I think I went to definitely many, many, many more Bar Mitzvahs than any other confirmation or anything like that. And the parents all thought it was hilarious that I was there and they would like pinch my cheeks and go, look at this, you know, go, I mean he's here, this is crazy, look at his hair.

And I just, I don't know, the whole thing was, I remember feeling very exotic in a town where there are plenty of Irish Catholic kids, but all my friends, all my friends were Jewish kids. It was so funny, because you went to BHS, yeah? Yep. So, we're going to high school. It was like, it was two minutes

and a whole world away from me, because I was raised Orthodox. And so, I remember watching the show when I was like nine, 10 years old, and being like, you went to BHS? And I was so jealous of the kids who went to BHS, because in my mind, not only did they not have to pray three times a day,

they also let you host a talk show on national television. Like, that was my jealous of the kids who went to BHS because in my mind, not only did they not have to pray three times a day, they also let you host a talk show on national television. Like that was my conception of everyone who went to BHS. I'm like, eventually they get to either General Manager Red Sox or have their own television show. Pretty much the entire class. Yeah, it's like, wait, does everyone take a turn? Cause there's like hundreds of kids in that school, you know?

No, we all got, it was guaranteed if you went to Brooklyn High. And so, but that was a great lucky thing for me because I think very early on got very comfortable around Jewish kids and really kind of- Which helped with like Jeff Ross and stuff like that. Exactly, cause you knew they run show business with an iron hand.

I've got to make a phone call real quick. But. Our producer, yes, it did. No, but it was, it was a nice accident for me that I went to Driscoll school, I think. And then just became sort of more involved in going to Bar Mitzvahs, things like that, because, and this may sound strange to you,

but it all felt so much more relaxed than Catholicism. It felt a little more, I don't know what, and you may not feel that way, but it felt more. I definitely don't. Okay, all right. But yeah, but like I totally, it's so funny. Brookline does feel like, like sometimes people say that New Yorkers seem Jewish, even if they're not Jewish,

or something about the milieu of it. And I always felt sort of similarly about Brookline, which is that if you're from Brookline, you're both Jewish and a little bit sort of Boston, Irish Catholic at the same time. Like you had, because you go to synagogue and you have these thick Boston accents, why have I got like a fervent memory of like

being in synagogue and there's a part on Friday night services where you turn around and they open the door in the back of the synagogue and everyone says a brief prayer towards the back of the door and then you turn back. But I just remember someone who hesitated getting the door and someone in the congregation in the middle of very, very like distinct Hebrew prayers, they went, Stephen, get the doa!

And I was like. And I was like, how? Someone with the voice of a father O'Leary. Stephen, get the doa! Like six syllables in Dorian. Doa! Get the doa! How did this guy get into the temple?

Yeah. I was like, wait, that's the rabbi? Yeah, it's the rabbi. It's the rabbi, Sean. Sean Hanleyhan! Oh, my God. Oh, man. I just love the idea that the rabbi's going on and on about the Bruins.

He's like, all right, kid, so Hashem has this problem. You know what I mean? But first But first he's gotta go to Duncan. What? Duncan? There was a kosher Duncan down the street, and when it opened up, it was like, oh my God, the headline in the synagogue newsletter was like, man lands on the moon.

Like, kosher Duncan opens on Route 9. There's a kosher Duncan? There's a kosher Duncan on Route 9, and we were just blown up. By the way, I was excited, and I was like, wait, what's a Kosher Duncan? There's a Kosher Duncan on Route 9 and we were just blown up. By the way, everyone was excited and I was like, wait, what's not kosher about Duncan knowing somebody like that?

I know! Yeah, finally someone got the shellfish out of the donuts. It's lard, apparently it's lard. It's lard in the donuts. You know, I've gone to that Duncan's, I think I know which one you're talking about. And I've enjoyed the donuts not knowing

that they were kosher. The first time I was lucky enough to do the show, the TV show, I did stand up and then you were like, come over and sit on the couch, by the way, blew my mind and I remember being like, don't cry, don't throw up, just like do the thing. And I sit down and we're sitting there talking about like little Brookline landmarks and stuff like that.

I'm like, oh, the house with the yellow roof. He's like, yeah, the house with the yellow roof. He's like, yeah, the house with the yellow roof. And afterwards I came out from my friend Morgan who came with me and was like, what were you guys talking about? If I told you, you'd either be upset or think I was lying to you or just wouldn't make sense. Little tiny places in Brookline.

There is such a neighborhood. It's such a thing. And I still get sentiment. As I said, I was just there this weekend and still driving around and stopping off and going to the old spots. It's very powerful. But I don't know if you had this experience.

It's a wonderful place to be from. But when I was 16 years old. Couldn't wait to leave. All I did was, and I actually said to people, I can't wait to get out of this dump. And it was because I was very ambitious in 1617, like I gotta get out of this shit hole. You're like, I'm from some-

Which you immediately accomplished by going to Harvard six minutes away. Exactly. Boy, you really fled the coup. I sure did. You know what I did? I hopped on a train like a hobo. I got a-

And I went six miles to Cambridge. I gotta spread my wings and take the 60 bus, seven sobs. Literally, I know how they... Do you know, by the way, Boston, though, is a great place for me to grow up because I think maybe it's a specific time I grew up in, but people, like my parents genuinely were just like, they gave me a pair of roller blades and let me go.

And when I was like 11 years old, I would just like roller blade around and like take the train and take the bus. And like, if I was interested in comedy, I would like sneak into the Lampoon archives because those kids were always drunk guarding the door. And I would like sneak into, like go to the county library and see like Sergeant Shriver

and Doris Cruden's Goodwin speaking. Like it was that time. And I was at the Red Sox all the time because I got a job there and see like Sergeant Shriver and Doris Krutens-Goodwin speaking like it was that time. And I was at the Red Sox all the time because I got a job there and that was the perfect time. The city was just medium sized enough that you could eat almost all of it. If you were like curious enough and I worry that like,

I don't know, there aren't many cities where like parents give their 11 year olds a pair of rollerblades because nobody rolled blades anymore anyway. That one homophobic joke killed it. And then like you just like, and just be like, get out of here, go find something that you're interested in. I don't think it's the city though,

I think it's the time, because I was just driving down Route 9, two, three days ago, my brother Neal's in the car and we pass this little shed and I said, oh, I used to wait for the bus there when school was over in third grade. Myself, Virginia Chapman and Isabel Zimmerman, we were this little tiny third graders

would walk down to this little shed and wait for a city bus to come by, not a school bus, a regular bus and get on it and then take it down to the stop that dropped me off at my house and then them at their houses. And I thought, my wife would never let our kids in third grade, like when your day at third grade is up, wander down to the highway and get the bus

that goes into Boston and just make sure you get off on your stop. Yeah, see if you can hitchhike if it doesn't work. Yeah. If there's a van, just get in it. Maybe he's got candy. I hitchhiked home all the time, genuinely. Like the T would stop at like 12, 15.

And if I wanted to stay, I'd be like, ah, just hitchhike. I'm like a 16 year old, 15 year old at like a comedy show. Right. At like a Dick Doherty's comedy vault or something like that. And be like, hey, the show's going to 1230. I'll just be like, anyone here wanna take me, a nubile young teen home?

You know, like, this very, sorry. I'll make it worth your while. Oh, no. Well, come on, it's the way to get a ride. So he was the actual predator in this situation. Okay. So, for the people from Brookline listening, this has been a thoroughly enjoyable chat.

Can we put this at the end and everything else? This episode is actually just going out regionally. Yeah, yeah. Now for Newton. Um. So what do you think of Wellesley and Sharon? Yeah, we're gonna work our way slowly out until we get through the entire United States.

["Stand Up Conch"] I think you came on the show twice to do stand-up comedy, and obviously I thought you were terrific. And you have flourished, and then you do this show just for us. It is quite spectacular, a one-man show where you really tell this amazing story. I encourage everyone listening to watch it. It's quite brilliant. What amazed me is that the heart of the story, without, I don't think, giving too much away. You can say whatever you want.

Okay, is you decide to attend a meeting that you found out about on Twitter, I think. And it's in, is it? It's in Queens. It's in Queens. And it's a group of people who are trying to preserve. Yeah, pride and white identity. White identity, yeah, and so, you know.

They're not crazy about Jews, not to spoil too much. You guys are, you say preserve white identity, you're being so kind about it. They're white nationalists. Nazi sons of bitches. Well, I know, but listen, we have a lot of people You say preserve white identity. You're being so kind about their white now Nazi sons of bitches We have a lot of people listening right now and I don't want to offend anyone Okay, this is we've got to keep everybody under the tent. Okay, you know, like Michael Jordan said white nationalists buy sneakers, too Who knows, you know, I just gotta be careful. White nationalists sleep on Brooklyn in two. They wear it over their heads, they say, you know.

I'm sure white nationalists are eating up the better help. If you're a white nationalist and you're listening, you're welcome to. If you want sheets to cut holes in Brooklyn in, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. But here's what's amazing to me. You go to this, it's a true story of you in 2018, I think, going to this meeting. You don't really announce your full identity and you're accepted into the group, although one guy has his eye on you, but you act this whole thing out

and there's lots of terrific, wonderful asides and cult of sex. It's not all just about this one night. But to me, the feat, which really blew my mind, is that the show is very funny and it is not angry. Is that, you know what I mean? There's something about it, which is you go and you experience these people and you bring them to life.

I disagree with their beliefs violently, but you give them their humanity and you're not ranting and raving about them. You're experiencing them as human beings and it's very funny and delightful and not toxic. Empathetic. Empathetic, yeah. So what I did when I started,

I started writing the show and I had help. My director, a lovely man named Adam Brace, we were talking once, my best friend for a long time, Adam, and Adam would always reference what the worst version of the joke would be. And so one day I was bored on a train to like a tour stop for this show early on, like literally February of 2020,

like right before the pandemic. And I started writing the worst version of the show I was already doing. And I was like, what would be the worst and dumbest version of these jokes? One that was like desirous of victimhood and really angry and really tacky and really earnest or really cynical.

And I wrote this like shitty version of the show, like the sort of dark side crap version of it. And every so often when the show would change, because the show would change every day, I would compare against the shit version. Sorry to curse. No, no, no, we lost our deal with Nickelodeon. I know.

You know who doesn't like cursing is the white nationalists. Yeah, yeah. Well, fuck you guys. It's not okay, know who doesn't like cursing is the white nationalists. Yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck you guys. It's not okay, but. Hey, phone lines lighting up! Said Conan not understanding podcasts. Wait, don't you have a podcast where you talk to the fans on the phone?

Like, isn't that? That's another one, yeah. Okay, fine, yeah. Okay. So I would compare this thing, but yeah, I wanted a show that wasn't gonna be about like, do you know Pauline Kael is? Yes.

Pauline Kael for anyone who's- One of the great film critics of all time. Yeah, I was reading a book of her reviews and there was like little snippets of things she had only done a paragraph on. And she gave a review to this movie about the Nuremberg trials called- Judgement at Nuremberg?

Yes, Judgement at Nuremberg. And she says, I hate this movie because it takes a brave stance against being a Nazi. And I wanted to make sure that I never did a show about neo-Nazis that took a brave stance against being a neo-Nazi, because I assume that most people watching my show are aware that it's not amazing to be a neo-Nazi.

So instead of being like, what does a version of this look like where instead of being like an early, like the Daily Show in the, like when I was in high school and college, did this tremendous job of being sort of like gotcha comedy with like exposing the hypocrisy of, you know, like- Powerful figures.

Yeah. Haltations, yeah. Exactly, and folks, and even regular people who were supporting the folks sycophantically. And I was watching some of those clips and I was, and wow, they really lost their zing because we know it now. Like we know, there's no surprise, meaning like, oh, a Trump supporter has double standards

on morality, kills shock, you know, like it's really. And so I wanted to ask more interesting questions with that like, you know, that unique opportunity. And also I want to reckon with the difficult truth there, which is that I am in some ways like some of those people or share a point of view on one or two of the things that they're saying or think that, and so like thought that would be a more interesting show

and a more humane show, especially given the like a rancorous presence that we live in, yeah. I think it's also, that kind of comedy to me is more durable. That's, I always think is the prize to be shooting for. So I thought this was really nicely done. There was a bunch of things that I noticed, which is your physicality on stage,

you have a lot of energy, and you're running around and you have sort of a comedic way of moving around the stage that was really making me laugh. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I'm talking about? It's kind of this, I mean, I don't even know what's a. It's called ADHD Conan. Is that it?

I'm sorry. But yeah. There it is, yeah. But you know, the funny thing is that I realized some of that's a bad habit, some of that's intentional and some of that's a bad habit. And I don't know any other way to bring this up, Some of that's intentional and some of that's a bad habit. And I don't know any other way to bring this up,

but Adam Brace who was. And I know it's coming, because he helped you bring this to life. Yeah, he's my director and like I said, my closest pal, we worked together on three solo shows and he passed away right before we started on Broadway. And so, you know, and so that sucked. And he passed away, very suddenly it was a shock.

Yeah, it was very surprising. And I think actually very inconsiderate of him given he had work to do, but that's okay. Really not commensurate with his theatrical responsibilities. But Brace, he told me when it was okay to move and when it was okay not to move. There are moments in this show

that are very anchored and still, and then there are moments where you run around and it's good because it puts a contrast on the moments where you're still, because they're like, oh wow, that guy sure moves a lot. And then like, oh wait, he's really standing still for this. I guess this part's important. But I've always had help from other people

and I've always like wanted... Also, that's the other thing. The show was socialized with like a million comedians. Like every comedian who came, I would interrogate them for notes. Like Seinfeld came and I was like, give me a note. All of these things. Was Seinfeld's note bass notes in between scenes?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bum-dum-dum-dum-dum. Because I found that to be off-putting. Yeah. Yeah, the Michael Richards cameo doesn't really fit, but... Dung, dung, dung, dung, dung. Because I found that to be off-putting. Yeah. Yeah, the Michael Richards cameo doesn't really fit, but. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Yeah. Although, I remember when Seinfeld came, I remember thinking, how did anyone ever kill Abe Lincoln? Because the whole time the crowd wasn't watching me,

they're watching Seinfeld. And I was like, wasn't there like most of the people at the play were like, is Lincoln enjoying the show? Yeah. Yeah. What does Lincoln think of our American cousin? Oh no, but look out. What does Lincoln think of our American cousin? Oh no, but look out.

But. But. The weird thing is most of them would have known John Wilkes Booth. So there would have just been like. I think about that all the time. They would have literally thought like, oh, there's the president and you know,

there's George Clooney behind him. Hey, what did George Clooney just do? That's genuinely, I think about a concept, but the thing is it's like, it's his brother. It was like, his brother was Edwin Booth. Yeah. And Edwin Booth. He was a huge star. And there was a theater on Broadway,

still named after Edwin Booth, which is like, how talented does that guy have to be? It's like, you know. Welcome to the Mark Bin Laden Theater. You know, like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And afterwards we'll, afterwards we'll all hit Oswald's for a steak.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Damn, I hate what his brother did,

but this is fantastic. Yeah. And so funny you say that about physicality because like other people, Morgan, the person who came with me to Conan said, are you worried that if you move around on stage, Conan will see that you're just doing him? That's a different friendship I have with Morgan. I was like, stood right there because I also think,

you are, your influences, you're like, I'm a little bit like Brian Regan. I'm a little bit like, not to, a little bit like you, a little bit like Gary Gorman, who's another great comic. Like I have stolen from the diffuse. But the thing is, it's like, I just think it's, you know, I grew up watching Bob Newhart and Johnny Carson,

and both of them were so good at this kind of deadpan comedy, and they got it directly from Jack Benny. And they were like, oh no, what we're doing is Jack Benny. Jack Benny was doing someone that he saw, when he was a kid, probably on the vaudeville circuit, he saw someone else do that and that person saw someone do it in the Civil War.

So we're all riffing off of each other, and we even think we're doing that person, but we're not, because I keep saying it's our failure to be our idols that makes us come up with our own thing. You know Tom Lehrer? Yeah. So like, Tom Lehrer is 90,

please, if you're listening to this, don't drop in on Tom Lehrer, but he lives in Boston, and like, a couple of months ago, I was in Boston, I guess a year ago now, I was in Boston and I drove by his house and I was like, you know what, I'll knock on Tom Lehrer's door. And he's, do you know who he is?

No, but it's such a, do you know him? No. Okay. And he's in his 90s. Did you have a weapon? Come with me, Tom. He was like, huh? It's the 1920s and you're insane

and we're allowed to use butterfly nets to take people away. He was Kennedy's favorite comedian. It's like I knocked on his door, he didn't answer, and I came back a couple days later. That's when you gotta really lean into it with your shoulder. Give it a kick.

If the door won't go, hey listen, if Tom Lehrer's door won't give right away, just really give it a kick. Yeah, got him in a cage in the back next to... I'm 92. Next to the last mother's brother, you know, just like, Tom, you were right for me. But yeah, I mean, like, eventually he was at home

and he's a curmudgeon, but he's nice in his way and we sat and talked and next time I was in town, I was like, email if you feel like coming by. And- He's saying prior notice. Yeah, prior notice is key. He thought I was the mailman, which is why he opened the door, just really.

Of course, the mailman outfit you were wearing helped with that illusion. Special delivery. I know how to get in. Packaged for you, Lara. It's chloroform. You know what I mean? You need to smell it to make sure it's yours. Go to sleep, Tom Lara.

Sleep. I mean, what's more irritating than just like some millennial being like, hi, I've got some questions about your songs about Vernon Von Braun. But like, but it was really, but he, but like, also, Commie's such a young art form. Like, and it's so, it's amazing when you think about it. Like, Carol Burnett knew Lucille Ball, and Lucille Ball knew Mark Twain.

Like, it's fucking crazy. Like. They all knew each other. It's like if all of painting's history was in, it was in a hundred years. It's like if you showed up at the studio and someone's like, Van Gogh wants to try some new pieces studio and someone's like Van Gogh wants to try some new pieces. Is that okay?

Van Gogh's gonna try some new pieces. And you're like wait, do you know Picasso? Like no, no, but I worked a couple months ago with this guy, he knows Picasso. He used to paint with Picasso back in the 70s of the improv. And now like it's crazy, it's really cool. They're all still around.

Or they're, in the case of like Bob Newhart, who I never met but always revered. Like they just passed away, we get to breathe the same air as these folks. Yeah, Bob was everything you would want him to be times 10. Literally just, you'd want someone that brilliant and that thoughtful and disciplined about comedy to be an amazing person.

And he was that a thousand times over. It's so cool this still. I wonder what the right balance of fan and professional is, but now I try not to pathologize it anymore. I'm not asking for autographs and stuff like that, but I'd be lying if I said it's like, I met Elaine May. Yeah. Elaine May is still, Elaine May, dangerous performer for candy.

She and Mike Nichols went on before Marilyn Monroe at his birthday party. Yeah, where she sang Happy Birthday, Mr. President. They were on before that at Madison Square Garden. Yes, by the way, I didn't realize that was at Madison Square. I thought that was in private and got out as a rumor. I didn't realize it was on national TV. No, he sang it in front of JFK and JFK's wife.

And JFK the entire time was like, no, dude, please. She's, she's, she's right. She's sitting right. Tone it down. She's right. Tone it down. She's right. Tone it down.

Maybe a little less with the cleavage. If we could tone it down. Don't you think? She was actually not there. What? That ruins the joke. Is that true? Yeah, she wasn't there.

What? I was always convinced that that was the thing. No, no, she was not there. Was it a special for NBC though? Wasn't it a special? I don't know that if it was a special, I mean, I've seen the footage a million times, but it was actually a tour. A million times?

Yes. It's Marilyn Monroe in a tight dress going, Starting when I was 13 and ending when I was 17. I saw it a million times. No, not ending when I was 17. By the way, can you imagine the organizers? Ending when I was 17, I saw it a million times. No, not ending when I was 17. By the way, can you imagine the organizers? I orgasm to that this morning!

Well, I'm sorry! It does seem very on-brand for you though. It does, you would. That is my porn. Yes. Well, time to watch Marilyn again sing Happy Birthday to the President. Poster of Hedy Lamarr is behind me. Hedy Lamarr is behind me. Hetty Lamar is behind me. I have a question, which is, you've done this show,

this was years in the making, huge stage success, then you bring it to television, and it's nominated for an Emmy. And then there's gotta be this feeling of, well, I'm saying goodbye to this now because I'm moving on, it's such a titanic piece of work. Do you have an idea of what the next thing is? Do you know what it is?

Yeah, I mean, I'm doing it, and it's touring. It's not got a title yet. You know, the funny thing is that I sort of decided that it was gonna end because 11 months after Adam died, that's when, because that's all you said, Shiva, Judaism. And also, it was the weirdest thing because it's the best thing that's ever happened to me, but it was braided with the saddest thing

that's ever happened to me. Because I can't stress how close I was with this guy. He was my only significant collaborator for a decade, and he understood me. It was like a very personal relationship. And so the funny thing is I just couldn't do it anymore. But now I'm in this weird position of I'm doing this new show,

I'm doing an hour and a half, new hour and a half of standup, and I feel his loss even more keenly because this is the part of the creative process where he'd be involved every single day listening to sets, giving notes, offering provocations, and so I don't really have that anymore.

So the short answer to your question is, I'm doing a new show, so it's got to do with Israel and Palestine, very easy topic, and I also like hard comedy. I like it. You sold out, now you're just going for big laughs. Yeah, absolutely. I told my agent, he's like,

are you really gonna do that Israel Palson thing, keep threatening, he used the phrase threatening, he's like, keep threatening to do the show, are you gonna do it? I was like, oh yeah, I'm doing it. He's like, great, do you wanna call it like Career Suicide? He's like, that's a really good title.

This could be at the risk of sounding whatever, not superficial, but Pollyanna. There's one way to look at it, which is that Adam Brace is going to be with you. I think he was such a part of your collaboration. It sounds to me like he's gonna be part of everything you do in the way that all these other people are as well. But I don't know if that's true.

Like I hope that's true. And I think about that all the time, because like, he's not AI. Like, the thing that made him special to me, beyond the fact that he was deep, you know, we were in sync in our sort of performance morals and had lots of different, beyond the particulars that made us such good friends

and collaborators, he surprised me constantly. And so anything that comes now from Adam, even if I have it, will be entirely within the realm of my own understanding. But also, it is comforting to think that, but I also wish I'd listened more. I wish I'd paid close, I never thought I was running out of time,

it was 42. It's like if two people made an album together and then the album went, one of them died and the album went bananas and the person who's left over kept having to do it and it was changing their life completely. Like what a weird crazed experience to have. And someone called me like three days after he died.

It was like, are you looking for a new director? No, it's like, I was like, buddy. And he was like, I'd love to throw my hat in the ring. And it was so, it was such a nice, it was such a nice thing to feel. I said, you're so wrong for it. I said, it'd be like hiring a pig to fly an airplane. Like you can't do it.

Like there's no way. What's with Seinfeld? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Jerry was like, we gotta put the bass in. I'm going. I'm going.

I'm going. You know what? Newman. You know what I wanted to ask you? Yeah, Newman shows up halfway through. Newman shows up as one of the white supremacists. Yeah. Newman. Newman.

I did wanna ask you about, you say it in the special, and I believe you actually do it, which is you say in the special, I'm available to talk to everybody in the lobby after the show. And no one does that. And the reason I brought it up, why it struck me, is that it seemed like an impulse I would have,

which is I would want to talk to everybody afterwards. I don't know where my thing comes from. Where does yours come from? I think it comes from you. No, I'm serious. I think it comes from the comics that I love. It felt like there was a person to person aspect to it.

The comedy voices that I, there was a sort of mystique in their utter accessibility as if sort of getting to where their consciousness lay was a collective responsibility. Where everyone's job is to figure out what's wrong with me. And so I always liked that. And also, by the way, this show is truly something I believe. Like, I really believe that we need to have less rancorous conversations.

I do think that we live in this really toxic time where people with profound and fundamental differences have like, like aren't speaking to each other. Like, there are members of my family who will not talk to me over Israel and Palestine. Like they just won't. Like it's a really, and I think that like, there is something to being able to have a conversation

with anyone no matter what they believe. And like, I thought that, well, if I believe that, then I should talk to anyone in the crowd who when I started doing the show, it was actually very charged. Like people were fascinated with the, with one of the questions at the started doing the show, it was actually very charged. People were fascinated with one of the questions at the center of the show, which is whether or not Jews are white.

People have very strong opinions about it. Jews have strong opinions about it, non-Jews have strong opinions about it, white people have strong opinions about it, people of color have strong opinions about it. And for a while, people wanted to talk to me about it afterwards or confront me until, by the way, I figured out things in the show

where I totally explained myself and those questions died down somewhat, but I made myself available to stand by or argue with anything that like, and also it was informing things in the show, which is so crazy, which is such a gift that you don't get in narrative usually. It's like if you're watching Titanic

and at some point Leonardo DiCaprio looks into the camera and is like, people get really sad here when we hit the iceberg. When we hit the iceberg, people are like, oh my God. Or he looks and he's like, look, I know the door is big enough. I know you think the door is big enough, but this is more powerful.

Yeah, this is more powerful. So getting that live this is more powerful. Yeah, there's more powerful Yeah, it's so like getting that live feedback. It's really good This relationship we hit a high We're gonna move into a walk-up in New York I just think he knew get out on a high note. That's a high take. I don't know about that. We just did it in an antique car.

Rose, Rose, where are my shoes, Rose? Yeah. Where are my shoes? I gotta go to the office. You're right, but you lost them! Oh, I should have stayed the same. Yeah, that's right. I could have lived a life of luxury!

You could have held onto the necklace too! Yeah, yeah, yeah. His drawings aren't selling. You want to go, hey there's an empty car, we could go in the back and we could... No, no! I don't wanna! She made him give up the art to go into insurance. Hey, there's an empty car. We could go in the back and we could, nah, nah. I don't wanna. She made him give up the art to go into insurance. I mean.

I mean. I could have been Picasso. Picasso my ass. We live in New Rochelle. Yeah, yeah. Oh man. But it was an amazing thing. And also, you know, I had never done anything

where people were coming up to me afterwards. And after a while, it got a little intense where people were like, they really wanna talk about this thing that I couldn't find people to talk about with. Like, talk about identity and the vicissitudes of whiteness and what does identity look like if you take victimhood completely out of the equation.

And so like, people would have really good conversations with me and they would factor into the show. And by the way, people would have really good conversations with me, and they would factor into the show. And by the way, people said to me, they were upset about something. I always found negative feedback really helpful too, because I'm like, well, I'm not quite connecting something, I need to explain it a little bit. And Adam and I would have these big discussions,

huge discussions about what goes into the show, what doesn't go into the show. And like, it was a really, um, I thought the, although the Q&A sometimes, I would do Q&As if people asked and they were insane, like people would, especially after October 7th. Yeah, yeah. We were on tour when October 7th happened

and my next shows were in San Francisco like October 25th and people were just crazy on the internet after that. And so like someone was like, I'm gonna, someone sent me an Instagram DM or left a comment that was like, I'm gonna come to San Francisco on October 26th and behead you in front of your Zionist buddies. And I was like, well we have shows on the 25th and the 27th. And so I'm not gonna show up just for the beheading.

Also it's like a teenager in Tunisia, like fucking not gonna get his freaking fire miles together and come and do it. Like, yeah, sure. But it was just, and by the way, that's not a real threat, but like, I'm just saying the volume was so high. And so like, and then it was a little bit cathartic to do that show.

It was a little bit cathartic to do a show about the requirement for, you know, the need for empathy in like a, although they made me shut down comments on that specific post, but it, like, the need for empathy in that time. Like, I don't, I'm doing Stand Up now, but I don't know if it's a solo show yet, because I don't know if there's like a thing

that I feel this like desperate need to say that is both timely and timeless. Like, I've been doing this show for five years, everyone's always like, what a timely show. I'm like, well, I guess, you know, I guess like how we speak to each other is something that we're always gonna be concerned with. And like it really, and sorry, the point of like,

I don't know, I feel like it would be nice to figure out another way to talk about how we speak to each other and how we like listen to each other without being like very po-faced and like idealistic in a way that's not pragmatic. So like it's a really- Or also as we think we use this word before, this term self-righteous.

I think that's the part is when in our anger, especially, and I see it a lot in comedy, people are like, I inhabit the right, but I don't mean politically right, left. I inhabit the right, but I don't mean politically right, left. I inhabit the true vision. I see it and if you don't, then damn you. And I think, no, that's not what we're here to do. It also is boring.

Like, I think we're there, like politically. I think we're there where no one, where like things that are brave and things that are brave and things that are right might not be the same thing, which is interesting. I have this joke that I've been working on about, and the joke's nowhere near ready,

but it's about how the only brave people left in New York City are Republicans, because so easy to be liberal, we're correct. So it takes balls to say all the stuff that a normal person would say, what takes balls is to look at all the easy stuff to believe and be like, no, I hate homeless people, let them die.

And you're like, why? Taxes. You know, like it's a very, it's a really interesting, I don't know, but I think that's a Jewish upbringing, by the way. It's like a love of gray areas, a love of nuance, past the point where it's useful. Dialogue and yeah.

Dialogue's a whole thing. You talk about this too, arguing, arguing, yeah. My bench calls it productive overlapping. Mm-hmm. Like I brought a girlfriend home once and she was like, oh my God, are you guys gonna be okay after that fight? I was like, what? That was dinner.

And she was like, but wait, are you guys still, do you need to apologize? I was like, no. I was like, that's how we figure out how we feel. We scream at each other and someone make a good point. We're like, good point. You know, it's really fun. That's where you and I part come from.

Because in my house, no one ever openly disagreed with someone else. You swallow it and you turn it into a cancer inside your body. Yeah, yeah, that's Irish Catholicism right there. And then you eat a lot of ham and the ham neutralizes the cancer. That's the icing stuff. So that's what we did.

I think we gotta call this one. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. We've been going from what we've been talking about. That's what you're here for. It's called a podcast. This is great. Yeah, you're being an insane person. This has been a fantastic conversation and I've said it before, but Just For Us is really special

and it's on Max. It's on Max, which I should. You're familiar with Max. Oh, I'm familiar with Max. Just For Us is really a must see and it's on Max and best of luck at the Emmys. And this is all the gravy part, like the Emmys, those award shows, they work out, they don't work out,

but you did the work and it's really brilliant. And then the next, you know, I, 1000% confident you'll find the next thing and you'll figure that out because good Lord, you have the goods and it's really been a pleasure getting to know you a little better today. Can I say one thing, which is that the first time I got to do standup

on television was your show and it still is like one of the best moments of my entire life and it was such a confidence boost and a time when I really needed it and you were so nice about it. It was, and this is really, even though I'm apprehensive about being your friend, I really do.

This is really cool for me. And that was, I've got a cue card framed. I like it, it just, it meant the world to me. And still does. I'd like that back. No, no, no. We don't give those away. No, no, no.

No, it's mine. Guys, thanks so much for having me. Hey, Alex, a real pleasure and best of luck to you. Hey, we haven't done Review the Reviewers in quite some time. This is where I comb through the Apple Podcast reviews and we comment on the comments that they've made about this show. Yeah, it's payback time. Is that what you're saying? And by the way, you have to rate five stars for us to even consider these things.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I think that's a very good way to keep me in my bubble so that I think it's only five stars. It is. it's only five stars. It is, it's only five stars. As far as you know, it's only five stars. Yeah. Out of 100.

Okay, this one, I just feel like we need to discuss. It's submitted by Bimkehugudeludeg. BMKLHKDNLDG. I think a cat walked across the keyboard. The subject is yippee. And the body of the comment is simply this, yo, get moist on. Yeah, fuck to us.

What does it mean? Is that, that was my initial reaction. They're saying like, this is something to get moist to. This is background music for fucking. Is that, that's? The thing. We make, we do fucking stuff. What is happening with you?

I feel like someone just hit you with nine Novocaine blow darts. I'm ready baby. You're saying that- Get moist on, what do you, moist is sexual. I think we are, I think that we are prophylactic. I think that the birth rate drops when my voice is heard.

I don't know, I go back and forth. I think it goes up when my voice is heard. You think so, huh? Yeah. People are out there- They're fucking. Fucking to your voice. Yeah, so-

They're cutting you two out. So what happens is, they start going at it and then I cut in and go, well, another thing and they go, bleh, and they're cutting you two out. So what happens is they start going at it and then I cut in and go, well, another thing and they go, bleh. And they stop immediately. It's constantly getting erected and getting flaccid during the conversation. Well, you do that fast enough,

that's pleasurable for certain people. The way you acted it out with your finger acts like the penis goes out and then retracts. Yeah, you also, what's with the red rum? Bling, bling, bling, bling. Shining boy. This is, you know, the penis. It comes out and then retract. Yeah, you also, what's with the red rum? Bling, bling, bling, bling. Shining boy. This is, you know, the penis. Gah-vroom.

It comes out and then it goes back inside. Another day of winter. Okay, I'm done. Well, okay, so that was the comment. That was my interpretation. That's all, that's all we got from that. What a horrible country we live in. I can give you another one if you'd like.

Yeah, give me another one, because that person's perverted. That comment's not a comment to get moist on. No. Okay, this is from KER San Fran. The subject is peeing is in my future. Oh boy. Thanks Conan and team for being too funny.

So much so that sometimes I'm laughing so hard, I pee a little. This is your fault. It was never something that happened before and only is an issue when listening to your pod. I hope it happens to you all someday soon. Great show, by the way. That's really nice.

First of all, I don't think it's our fault. This person may have a problem with their urethra. And it's important that whoever you are, you get checked out because our show, I think, is funny, but it's not pee your pants funny. So I wanna say right now, if you've peed your pants while listening to this podcast, you need to see a urologist immediately.

What if you've peed your pants while recording this podcast? Well, that is something maybe you and I should talk about a little more. I think that's... Do you think he's a woman or she's a girl? Cause if she's a woman, then maybe it's her pelvic floor. Oh, a weak pelvic floor.

Can a man have a weak pelvic floor? I don't know enough about men's stuff. Well, all the better, then hold forth. Keep talking. I love it when most of the media is people talking who have no idea what they're talking about. All I know is from a woman's perspective. I don't know what you, do you know?

I don't, I don't. I know about the pelvic floor when it comes to a woman's stuff. I think for know, what, you, do you know? I know about the pelvic floor when it comes to a woman's stuff. I think for a man it's the prostate or the bladder and it's nothing to do with floors or ceilings. But you know, when people say this was pee your pants funny, I've laughed very hard in my life, never come close to that.

So I always thought it was just a phrase, but not something anyone could actually do. I think it can be done. It can happen. Definitely almost peed, and sometimes even peed a little when I laugh a lot. And that would be around me, because I'm the funniest person you know.

No, she's marking your territory as like, stay away. Yeah. I don't think I've ever even come close to peeing with you around. Okay. Oh! So you've laughed really hard, hard enough to pee,

but not around me. Yeah, probably. Oh, come on. I'm like in the history books of funny. And you're talking, what made you laugh so hard? You probably watched... I actually think I remember a time when I've peed, and obviously I was a little high.

And then my friend, it was years and years ago, this was before I even had kids. We were, my friend Christina and I were watching something and we did a deep, we were playing with friend Christina and I were watching something and we did a deep, we were playing with the DVD player and I pressed eject and then the DVD player thing ejected. And then I walked up and the whole time I was like, why is there even an eject button on the remote?

And we laugh so hard, I peed my pants. Wait a minute, that's what made you laugh so hard? Oh my God. So she's saying you're not as funny as that. So I've never risen to that level. I've never risen to why isn't there an eject button on the remote? Why is there an eject button? Why is there?

You have to get up and go to the machine anyway. What's the point of the eject button? But that's not funny. That's more just a question of like, huh, I wonder. I think you're confusing humor with a sign fell over too. Gee, how does the moon affect tides? I'm just curious.

Oh no, I peed myself. Maybe it was the tide. I'm curious, yeah. Oh, but why is there an eject button? It's just, you have to go to the machine. It's like, what's the point? Please don't ask one more kind of interesting question because I might shit myself.

How can, do you think science will ever be able to, maybe register when a tectonic plate shift is gonna happen? Oh no! I just filled my jeans. That wasn't comedy. Those are questions. No, you don't have to be there.

You know what I would love? If she was one of Socrates' students. Because Socrates used to just ask questions. You know, what is it? Is the soul given to us at birth or is it? Socrates, I gotta leave! Why is that, Theotolus? I just filled my toga! Stop asking questions!

You know what, just, that's insane. What a great garment to pee in, though. A toga? You can't fill a toga. No, it's just, it's out there. It's like everywhere's a toilet. You wring it out and then you just shift it around a little bit. You do!

So that the wet spot moves up the back. That's what I'd do. I'm not saying anything that's what. Listen, what I just said is probably what a lot of Romans and Greeks were thinking. Oh, were they? And probably doing. I think they were changing. Oops, just had a little accident.

Ring ring, slide slide. Ew. Hey, your shoulder looks moist. Yeah, couldn't have been pee. What are we talking about? I don't know. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Your shoulder looks moist. Yeah. Couldn't have been pee. What are we talking about? I don't know. Here's the thing.

Here's the thing. Don't enable this. Why are we talking about this? It's beneath us. No, it's not. Although if you move the tog, it won't be beneath you. Oh, boo! Yay.

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Oh, what's that say? Oh, it says rap. Rap. Sometimes I rap for time. sometimes I rap for content. I can't believe that German Oompa-Paw band just came in and played to celebrate my great quip about urine-soaked toga shifting.

Uh, okay, let's get into it. No, this is a segment where it just ended. Oh, there is no getting into it. We're ending the episode. You know, someone recently asked me, they say, oh, I really love the podcast. They said, they really love the podcast, and they're telling me how much they like it,

and they said, one question, are you really that confused all the time? Stop, I'm gonna pee. Well, God bless you all. There, that's the ending. We were all waiting for a peace out two-pockets. Good, good, good. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian, and Matt Gourley.

Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leal. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnik. Talent Booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts,

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