Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Charles and the Chocolate Factory

Episode Date: November 21, 2024

Conan talks to Charles in Manila about working as a mechanical engineer in an unpopular candy factory. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: teamcoco.com/apply Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan.

Hi, Charles. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan. Hi. Hi, Charles. How are you? Hi, Conan. Good. It's actually early in the morning over here.

Okay. Well, that's how the world works. I am in Los Angeles and you are in? I'm in the Philippines. Where in the Philippines are you? So I live in the capital, in the greater Manila, but the city itself is Quezon City. Okay, I'm not sure why I asked

because it doesn't really mean much to me. I haven't been to the Philippines, so, but I wanna know more. You should visit here. You think I should visit the Philippines? Yeah, it's quite nice over here. The people are friendly, good food. I've heard wonderful things about the Philippines.

I'd like to know more about you, Charles. Tell me a little bit about your life. So I'm an engineer. Oh, sorry. I'm not sure if you're hearing my dog in the background. Oh, when you said I'm an engineer, oops, sorry. I thought a member of the secret police was behind you and that you're in hiding.

Your dog's barking really loudly. Your dog's behind you and doesn't approve of your work as an engineer. Is that the idea? Probably. So you're an engineer. What kind of engineering do you do? So I'm a mechanical engineer.

I'm currently working for my uncle's factory. He's making like candies right here in the Philippines. Oh. Your uncle, you work for your uncle and he has a candy factory. He's like Willy Wonka. Kind of, yeah. Yeah.

Are there rivers of chocolate and you know, all kinds of, you know, waterfalls of gumdrops and things like that? No. Sadly, no. There's just like generic factory stuff. Well. Okay.

Are there Oompa Loompas? Yeah. Uh, not really. Yeah. Not really. Why are you hesitating on that? What kind of an Oompa Loompa do you? Yeah, you said no immediately to rivers of chocolate

and waterfalls of gumdrops, but then on Oompa Loompa you're like, ah. Do you have an Oompa Loompa factory? Is that what this is? Yeah. I think that wasn't a cat behind him. That was an Oompa Loompa. Okay.

Genetic computer. I'm gonna try and keep this, you know, clean and simple. Well, you're doing a great job. Yeah, thanks. Well, we got a little bit of a lag and we got to make sure that everything ends together. So Charles, let me get this straight. You work at a candy factory that your uncle owns in the Philippines. Yes.

Okay. And what kind of candies do you make? Well, we have two types of candies. We have bubble gums and then caramel candies. Ooh. Wow. That's nice. I love caramel candies. Ooh, wow. That's nice. I love caramel candies.

I like both of those. I love bubble gum and caramel candies. Have you ever tried to mix the two together and make a bubble gum that has a caramel center? No, but I think my uncle did before, and he said it didn't taste really good. Because the bubble gums tasted tasted more like menthol mentally like and then the caramel tastes very sweet and caramel and those two doesn't don't mix really well together well wait i'm sorry

i think your your uncle screwed it up i think i have a good idea here he just went the wrong way with it that's all and i hate to pick a fight with your uncle but i think there have a good idea here. He just went the wrong way with it, that's all. And I hate to pick a fight with your uncle, but I think there's a way to combine caramel and bubble gum. I mean, this is my life's dream. I think there's a way to do it correctly. And I'd, uh, I'd like to talk to you more about... I guess so, but I haven't seen any type of bubble gum that has caramel, like, flavorings in it.

Yeah, guess what? In 1850, no one had seen an automobile before. But then someone invented it and the world changed. But I don't know why I'm so quiet after you said that. Maybe why don't you buy some bubblegum in a caramel and just try it out? Eat them together. There you go. Before gum and a caramel and just try it out? Eat them together. There you go. And before investing in a machine.

So Charles, tell me, how is the candy factory doing? Is it thriving? Not really. Since I started here like five years ago, it hasn't really gone off like really good. First of all, what do you think the problem is? Well, I think it's because of, first of all, what do you think the problem is? Well, I think black It's because of the lack of exposure of the with the public. So every time we approach like distributors our customers of regarding our

Like our products are candies their initial reaction is like they're gonna say it's No, it's still alive. It's like they're gonna say it's, I thought that your products are already gone. Oh, so people, your candy factory has been around for a long time. You don't have good advertising and people think, oh, we thought those candies were discontinued. Is that the problem?

Yeah, so actually our candy started way back like during World War two it actually started with my uncle's father and then It with it went on after that but then isn't your uncle's father also your grandfather I Do I call him my grandfather? I think so I do I call him a grandfather I think so. Am I wrong? I don't know. I think you think so. Yes, your uncle's father is your grandfather.

Uncle my marriage maybe. Yeah. Is it? If it's. Oh. I guess I call him my grandfather. It's his aunt's husband. I see, yeah.

Yeah. It's your grandfather-in-law. Yeah. Well, that was good that we cleared that up. It's your grandfather-in-law. Yeah. Well, that was good that we cleared that up. Yeah. Yeah.

Charles. So it's confusing for me also. Well, and me now as well. Charles. I'm here to help. Charles, we have a simple story here. You are a man who is working for your uncle's candy factory. Your uncle's candy factory has been around for a long time,

but it has become unpopular. How many employees work at this candy factory? Currently we have like 19 of us. How many did there used to be? A hundred. Oh, okay. Well, this is way when the automated machines came into, so before they used to pack the candies manually, The way when the automated machines came into the,

so before they used to pack the candies manually, so they needed many people to pack them individually, wrap them around, and put them in boxes. But now we have machines to do that. So we don't really need a lot of people to produce the candies. But then we also don't manufacture them every day. You don't make candy every day? Yeah. So it's only when we have orders or our stocks are declining that we manufacture more.

Can you list me the name of some of your candies just so I get an idea of what these candies are called? So we have two types of bubble gum candies. Um, so one is called tarzan Tarzan is called texas Tarzan in texas to these bubble gums have anything to do with tarzan or texas. No I'm not actually clear on how they came up with those names. But I think- So the names don't in any way link to how the gum tastes. I don't know what Texas tastes like. Barbecue.

Maybe, but I don't think so. I think it's random. I think someone back when this company was just starting said, what's called this one Tarzan and this one Texas, right? Kind of, yeah. So I think my uncle told me was, um, his father came up with that name because he was, I think more heavily influenced during the U S when the U S was,

we're occupying the Philippines and he was working with an American company here in Manila. Okay. So your grandfather came up with these names at the end of World War two. So yeah, you're down with Hitler gum Isn't a big seller I'm just saying these are These are antiquated names I'm just saying these are these are antiquated names It's not the most catchy names No! Down with Hitler

Yeah! Aww We have a photo of the Tarzan gum if you want to see it Let's take a look. Yeah, let's take a look at the Tarzan gum Oh you do? Oh! But it what does that have to do and the colors are Christmassy Yeah, so okay

Yeah It's just attract the like like, it's attract children, so they'd like be excited for it with the different colors. But they all taste the same. Oh, wait, they're different colors, but they all taste the same. And it's called Tarzan. And the catch phrase is, put an ape man in your mouth.

Yeah, okay. Um, I don't know. I just think that it's confusing. Do you understand? It's very confusing, yeah. It's confusing, and is this because, does your uncle wanna change things up and maybe make things better? Make the marketing a little better?

It hasn't really come up. Like, I've pitched him the idea of, like, having a commercial or just having more exposure to the public, but we haven't gone, like, past that. So it's more, it's, uh, there's no actual plans for it. You're just talking about it. Is he stuck in his ways, do you think? Sometimes that happens with older people.

They get stuck in their ways, do you think? Sometimes that happens with older people. They get stuck in their ways and then some young punk like you comes along and says, hey, maybe we should change things a little bit. And he's like, hey, is that what's happening? I don't know. I guess so. I mean, I think he wants to keep the, like, the legacy of the products going.

I mean, when people hear about the Tarzan or Texas candies, they immediately know what it is. But the problem is only the older generations know about it and the younger generations not so much. So how old are most of your customers? Well, I think the late 50s, 60s. Mm. Yeah, that's a problem.

That's a problem. Yeah. Because not a lot of bubble gum chewing 60-year-olds. No. Because the first thing that goes are the teeth. Yeah. Oh. And you can't really just chomp on that stuff without teeth. Wow.

They're not like 90, you're 60. Yeah, my teeth are gone. That's all bubble gum. Yeah, those teeth. Maybe it's time to do like a throwback campaign, you know, nostalgia and stuff. Yeah, I was actually, I was thinking about those types of campaigns, but only, I've tried only

Like trying those in through Facebook posts no videos though. Just like pictures and stuff I'm gonna disagree with my friend Matt here, and this is very rare because I respect his opinion But wait a minute which Matt oh, it's me Jesus It's a great it's me. Jesus. Um, it's a great, it's a classic bit, Charles. Um, this is what I think. I think you need to make an immediate hard play for the youth. I think you have to. I think you have to do something that's going to get younger people interested in the candies. And by the way, I love the way you say candies.

Don't you? Yeah, I do. I like it. Yeah, I think the more you say candies, the better.? Candies. Yeah, I do, I like it. Yeah, I think the more you say candies, just keep saying candies, it's great. Candies, candies. Oh, it's just fantastic. He says it normally. But it's sweet.

He has a sweetness to it. You should be in a commercial. Yeah, you're the pitch man. You should be in a commercial and say, buy our candies. They're so, the way you say it is very sweet. ["The Little Mermaid"] ["The Little Mermaid"] The way you say it is very sweet. ["Sweet Taylor Swift bubble gum. We have to use a name that young people, is Taylor Swift big in the Philippines? She's big in the Philippines, yeah. Yeah, she's big everywhere.

A lot of people actually wanted to see her perform a show here in the Philippines, but she didn't, so everyone flew to Japan or Singapore just to see her. Yeah, well, I would have told Taylor to go to the Philippines, to go to Manila and play a big show. You would have told her?

Yeah. When would you have done that? How and when? She listens to me, we're tight. By tight, I mean, I've listened to her music and I enjoy her work. Charles, I do think you need to, and we may be getting in trouble with the law here,

but it's worth it, don't you think? To maybe say it's Taylor Swift bubble gum, and then we name some of the gum and the candies after some of her songs. Like this is the bad blood, or this is the all too well gum. People love a candy called bad blood. No, but I, you know.

No, I think we need to do something drastic. We need to make a campaign that appeals to the youth of the Philippines and we put your candy back on the map. And I think we have to do it. Don't you think? Yeah, I think that's a great plan. Yeah. Now, do you have a lawyer?

Yeah. I think we will. We're contracting a law firm, but we haven't used them for legal stuff. Well, when you do my... What do you use them for? What do you use them for? For naming the kids. Yeah.

Well, mainly for... It's a bunch of 90 year old lawyers. Oh wait, call it after Tarzan. Kids love Tarzan. Are these the Oompa Loompas? Is that what's happening here? Charles. Oh my God.

Charles, you're gonna need lawyers because some of the stuff I'm suggesting may incur some lawsuits. Again, I'm indemnified. I'm just a guy giving you suggestions, but I do think you need to do something to get the youth involved in your candy, okay? Yeah. Now, let me ask you-

I think my uncle won't be on board with that. Well, let me ask you- He shouldn't be. Yeah, maybe it's time to, you know, take him out. Yeah. What? What? Just a little, you know, a little Shakespearean be. Yeah, maybe it's time to take him out. Yeah. What? Just a little, you know, a little Shakespearean kinda, one bad blood candy and he's out.

Hey, Charles. Charles, it just occurred to me, what you need is a celebrity endorsement by somebody who's big with the youth. Here I am. And I have- I know. But seriously, what if, I mean, I would be happy to endorse the candy. Am I a big hit with the youth in the Philippines?

To be honest, maybe not so much. You haven't been on air here in the Philippines like since the early 2000s. We lost Charles, we keep telling him he's currently on the air. Don't do that. Wait, wait, hold on a second. Charles, it's called the internet. I'm all over the internet. I'm, there's like pornography and then there's me. I'm all over the internet.

So don't tell me the, don't you guys get the internet? If we do, so if they search your name on YouTube, they'll see you. But then, well, before before you we watched your show in television Like you were being shown in one of the local channels here in the Philippines Yes, but then after that you like you did you disappeared? Yes, so I'm no longer well TV in the Philippines We saw your show again when you went running HBO.

Hmm. Yes. Yes. We call it Max. Max. Yeah, you're getting on him about branding names. Yeah. This rolls off the tongue, Max.

Oh my God. So, Charles, you're saying that maybe the youth in the Philippines, maybe I'm not the one. Who do you think's a bigger star in the Philippines? And be honest and think about it. Don't just blurt it out, really think about it. Me or say Taylor Swift. Well, Taylor Swift's a big name. Everyone knows Taylor Swift.

Do you wanna think about it some more? Do you wanna get back to me? I wanna see her song. I wanna see her song. Taylor Swift's a big name. Everyone knows Taylor Swift. Do you want to think about it some more? Do you want to get back to me? Everyone's singing her song. I want to say Conan, people, you might get disappointed if you come here and then no one recognizes you.

Conan. Oh. I'm sorry. No one recognizes you. Not even people who watched you in the 2000s. Not even Charles. Charles, why did you... Charles, can I remind you that you called me? Charles, you called me.

Why did you call me? Why didn't you call Taylor Swift? I don't have her number. Maybe you could connect me with her. Oh So now you want to use me to get to Taylor Swift. Oh, that is so low Charles So just because okay, that is that is the lowest of the low Well, I wish I want no don't be. You're being honest and I appreciate that. And I think you're saving me a lot of disappointment, you know? I don't know, Charles.

I'd like to help save your candies, I really would. And I do think- We could put you and Taylor Swift in the commercials if you want. She won't agree to that. Yeah, she's not gonna work with me and that's been made clear before. Yeah. She shouldn't agree to that. Yeah, she's not gonna work with me and that's been made clear before. She shouldn't.

Well, whatever, for whatever reason, there's a cease and desist. Charles, I wanna try and help your candy company. I really do. I think you guys are stuck in the past. You said that your company's slogans and whole marketing campaign was invented at the end of World War II. And that was a long time ago.

We don't actually have a slogan to think about. Oh no! Wait, you don't have a slogan? It gets worse. There's no slogan. Give them a slogan. I don't think so. Well, I mean, first of all, we gotta get you a slogan.

Right? Don't you think? Have you thought at all about a possible slogan? How about we don't actually have a slogan as a slogan? It's actually hard to make a slogan with the Tarzan and Texas name. No, no, well, we could change, would your uncle be open to changing the name of some of the candies and maybe going with a new advertising campaign?

Would he be open to that? I'm not so sure. Probably. What if I open to that? I'm not so sure. Probably. What if I talk to him? Yeah, I think you can convince him. I'm very convincing. I think I could talk to your uncle and say, we have to change this.

I mean, you're down to 17 employees. You used to have hundreds, okay? And now, I mean, your youngest customer voted for Eisenhower in the American elections. You can't, this has got to stop. We've got to turn this around. It's time. I know.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You don't seem as desperate as I want you to be. No, I've been desperate. That's why I called you. You're not coming across as desperate. You're giggling a lot. You seem kind of happy. You're speaking very quietly. You're saying candies across as desperate. You're giggling a lot. You seem kind of happy.

You're speaking very quietly. You're saying candies in a delightful way. I'm not getting desperation. It is zero hour. We have got to do something. Yeah, help us, Conan. Well, I will. I would love to help you.

If we can agree on a fee, we may have to sell off most of the factory to pay my fee. Oh, wow. This is a little awkward. We can't afford that. Well, you're going to pay it. There's nothing you can do about it. My uncle will talk to you about it, I know. Yeah, I've got some guys that'll rough up your uncle.

When will my guys come by? I'm rooting for you.'ll rough up your uncle. What if my guys come by? I'm rooting for you. I like you, Charles. You seem like a nice guy. Do you have a family, Charles? Yeah, actually I have a brother, and then my parents are still here. Mm-hmm.

And I'm rooting for you guys, because I'd like to turn things around for you. You know, I'd like this candy. I want your candy company to be the biggest candy company in the Philippines. I hope so, yeah. What currently, what's your competitor? Who's the big candy company?

Actually, there's a bigger company like called Columbia, and they sell a different type of candy. So they have like mental hard candies. Mental hard candies. Yeah. You know, I think this is a, I don't know why they're in the lead. Yeah. If they're selling basically a cough drop.

Yeah. I think, I just think this is an easy assignment. I think I'm a good leader, Charles, and I'm an innovator. I'm a visionary and I know how to brand. I think I could come into Manila and I could turn your candy company around. I really do. I hope so Yeah, there'll be the dream. Okay, do you trust me? And will and yeah, will you listen? Will you listen to me? Will you listen to my advice? Yes. Will your uncle listen to me? We'll convince him Anybody what do you think? Do you think I could do this?

Do I think you can go to a candy factory and make it better? Yeah, bigger and better. Big hit in the Philippines. No, I don't think you can do it. I'm sorry. No, I don't think you can do it either. Do you think you can do it?

Yes. Oh, okay. I've never- I think you can do it. It's by copyright infringement, that's your plan? Yeah, I think by the time, the Taylor Swift organization's huge. Yeah.

They've got a lot to worry about. By the time they catch on to this Manila candy company, you know what I mean? You'll have so much money, you won't know what to do with it, all right? And then you and I scram, we take off, okay? And we leave your uncle holding the bag. And he has to answer to the Taylor Swift people. Actually, there's a, I just remembered there's actually a Taylor Swift impersonator here.

Well, she's, she's more like a drag impersonator of Taylor Swift. That's fine. So maybe we use that person. That's better. That's perfect. Maybe we can use her. Yeah. Her name's Taylor Sheesh. Taylor Swift. That's fine, so maybe we use that person. That's perfect. That's perfect. Maybe we can use her. Yeah. Her name's Taylor Sheesh, so. Yeah, well. Taylor Sheesh.

So basically, Taylor shut up. I think you can find the video for her. Okay, well that's terrific, Charles. We have all the ingredients we need, okay? I'm coming, I'm going to get a Taylor Swift impersonator. We're going to violate Taylor Swift's copyright. We're gonna turn this candy around and make it a big deal. And then, correct me if I'm wrong,

there are thousands of islands in the Philippines, right? Yeah, yeah. When things, when the heat comes, you and I take the money and we go and we hide out on one of those islands and we live like kings. Yeah yeah sure I just told you the most innovative ice scheme of all time that involves you radically changing your life and hiding forever with a red-haired mad man on a tiny island in the Philippines and

living under my tyrannical rule and And you say, yeah, sure. Well, the beaches here in the Philippines are very nice though. Okay, we're gonna do it. All right, well, I hope we can make this work out. I'll do my best, all right? I hope so, okay. Yeah, just try and calm down.

You see, meanwhile, if you have any stock in your company, I might consider selling it. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. You gotta believe in me, okay? Mm-hmm. I've never ruined a candy company in the Philippines before. That's maybe the new slogan. First time for everything.

Yeah. All right, well, you take care, Charles. It's been nice talking to you. Thanks for having me. I hope to see you soon here. You never know. You never know. Yeah. All right, well you take care Charles, it's been nice talking to you. Thanks for having me. I hope to see you soon here. You never know, you never know. You won't even know

because I don't think you know what I look like. Bye Charles. Bye Charles. Bye bye. Conan O'Brien needs a fan. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley produced by me Matt Gourley executive produced by Adam Sachs Jeff Ross and Nick Leal

Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino take it away Jimmy Supervising producer Aaron Blair associate talent producer Jennifer samples associateers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com slash Conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a fan wherever fine podcasts are down.