Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Don Cheadle

Episode Date: September 2, 2024

Actor Don Cheadle feels delighted about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Don sits down with Conan to talk about his return to jazz music, sharing stories of adversity and triumph with upcoming projects Fight Night: The Million Dollar Heist and Unstoppable, and his favorite memory of working with Nicolas Cage. Later, Matt Gourley explains how he made money scamming airlines in the 90s. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone].

Hi, my name is Don Cheadle. And I feel delighted about being Conan O'Brien's friend. issues, walk and lose, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are gonna be friends. I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Hey there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. And I am Conan O'Brien. I'm saying that the way someone would say, I am Spartacus. It sounds more like an alien or a robot trying to prove

that they're human. I swear I am Conan O'Brien. I swear I am the aforementioned form known as Conan O'Brien. Come at me, bro. High five me with your appendage. Joined by Matt Gorley, Matt, nice to see you. Hi. And Sona, what's that saying, how are you?

I'm all right, I'm not doing bad. Not doing bad? Okay, you're annoying too, what is up with you two? I'm not doing bad. You're not doing bad? Yeah, that came out weird, I don't know why I said it. How is your life going, everything all right? Everything's fine, oh, you know, yesterday I was at a Target

and I was looking at the laxatives, I shouldn't say this. Just go ahead, it's okay. We don't need to know what you were looking at, but anyway. No, because it's part of the story. Because it's a thing. I was looking at laxatives because one of my kids is constipated. Okay, that happens.

Yeah, and he's a kid. And two of our fans came up while I was looking at the laxatives to tell me they're big fans of the show. That's nice. Were you at all embarrassed that they came up to you while you were looking at laxatives? Not only was I embarrassed,

but if they didn't notice it, I was like while you were looking at laxatives? Not only was I embarrassed, but if they didn't notice it, I was like, I'm looking at laxatives for my kid. I'm like, it's not for me. And then I was like, well, if I'm constipated, that's human too. It's okay. So I was like, but it's okay if I'm constipated. And then they, I think they, I was just rambling so much. I think they really regretted approaching me. Yeah. I had this happen to me.

Fans approached me as I was walking into Buttplugs Are Us. Oh, wow. And they had a seven. For your kids or what? No, no, definitely not for my kids, this is for me. No, I was just walking right in and they, I mean, you remember, they went out of business, but this was it.

They were big. They had every buttplug and- They had that mascot. What? The butt plug mascot. Yeah, Corky. Yeah, Corky. Corky.

It was Corky. And anyway, so I'm walking in and they're like, whoa, Conan O'Brien, we love the podcast and the videos and stuff like that. Yeah. And I had to kind of, I panicked and I just said, I'm just going in here to check it out, you know. What? But that doesn't help you.

No, it didn't at all. And I think they could tell the way I was walking that I already had one. Or two. I was wearing the Grand Master. I was wearing the Grandmaster, it's called. Oh no, oh no. Yeah, it really.

Oh God. Yeah, and that was not, I had not purchased it, it was a gift. That's right up there with the 1776er. Yeah, exactly. So anyway, I'm headed in and these fans see me and then you're just like, you gotta get over it. You gotta let people know that we're all humans it's just like, you gotta get over it.

You gotta let people know that we're all humans, some of us, you know what I mean? Yes. We all. By butt plugs? Sure. I'm guessing everyone I'm talking to right now is listening is like, yup, me too.

But anyway, that happens where sometimes you're seen in a situation, has it ever happened to you, Matt, where you've been spotted somewhere and people say, oh, you're Matt Gorley, the guy who irritates Conan, and you're in the middle of something that you wish was private. I mean, I was probably already doing something embarrassing like you'd say, like at some flea market or something.

So they'd probably come up and go, oh, this is exactly what I expected. Right, right, right. Because you were probably looking at like a loot at the Rose Bowl swap meet and you were thinking of buying. I was looking at Cold War butt plugs. The Eisenhower. The Eisenhower.

If you can find it, boy. Yeah, I just think, I think it's nice though. I bet you were very nice to them. You seem like you'd be very nice to the fans. I still get very excited when people are fans and they recognize me, it's nice though, I bet you were very nice to them. I bet you seemed like you'd be very nice to the fans. I still get very excited when people are fans and they recognize me, it's cool. I had a nice thing the other day. I was with my dog, Loki.

We went to this Airstream in the neighborhood that sells coffee, and so I bought myself a coffee. And this very nice woman, I believe she's Irish, she came up and she was talking to me with her friend. And, but she said, I know from the podcast that you like talking to people. So I thought I should come up and talk to you. And then I did have a wonderful time talking to her.

Yeah. I really did. Yeah. So I'm glad she knew that it was okay to come talk to me because I've talked about the fact on the podcast that I enjoy talking to people. Yeah, this actually reminds me, yesterday, I got a second weed delivery guy come to my house.

We covered this on the podcast before you got recognized. I had a first weed delivery guy that came to my house, he recognized me, and then the second guy came, and this is, you know, weeks later, and then I talked, I was talking to him, and then he also recognized me, and he said that he met you once, and he was so taken aback because you wanted to keep talking to him and then he also recognized me. And he said that he met you once and he was so taken aback

because you wanted to keep talking to him. He was like, I expected it just to be a quick thing, but he kept talking to me. Yes, I know, it's a problem. Well, I had this with my butt plug delivery guy. Okay, all right. Cause you can have them delivered. Where's that rap sign?

Is it white glove service? It has to be. Aw, man. Why do we do it? We. We? I mean, when I say we, it's the royal we. If you are the royal family and you are into butt plugs, like how do you get one?

Oh, please, there's a guy that makes it for you. They make it for you? Yes, I'm sure it's- Emerald butt plug, probably. It's probably in the Tower of London. Okay. Probably from Henry VIII on. Yeah. God.

What? It's passed on from generation to generation? Like the scepter and the crown. Okay, all right. You have to boil it. All right, we have to get going. You have a kink, how do you do that? You have a kink.

Trust me, oh, yeah, I'm worried that people in the royal family may have a kink and can't exercise it. As Prince Andrew. What are you talking about? It is, that's what royal families are for, is to have kinks and weird, crazy, insane, inbred madness. And you're like, well, I understand.

If you're in the British royal family and there's a monarchical dynasty that's been breeding into itself for 11 centuries, what happens if maybe you have an odd fetish and unlimited money? How do you service it? I hope they're okay. Yeah, their king is incest.

The fucking thing I've ever heard. Hey, my guest today. Poor guy. Again, poor. He doesn't deserve this. Such a fine actor doesn't deserve this intro. My guest today has starred in such movies as Hotel Rwanda, Crash, and the Iron Man and Avengers films.

Now you can see him in the Peacock series, Fight Night, The Million Dollar Heist, and in the upcoming movie Unstoppable. Good Lord, he's busy. I'm thrilled he's here today. I really admire this gentleman, Don Cheadle. Welcome. Delighted.

I love that you dropped your voice on delighted and whispered it. I was trying to do that. What is it? ASMR? Oh yeah. I'm delighted. That's great. Here, why don't you try that, Sona? And I feel delighted. Oh yeah.

Everybody do it and I'll play with the panning in the post-production. One at a time or together? Yeah, one at a time and then everyone goes together. Okay, I feel, my name is Conan O'Brien and I'm delighted to be me I'm sorry Yeah, if you get the little smackies and Chewing little sesame seeds already ruined Well, sorry you went in you came in with too heavy an idea that's your problem. I know will cross fade I

Never said cross crossfade. I never said crossfade. I never said crossfade. Well, thank you for being here. Glad to be here. You're this person who has done so many different types of roles. You've occupied so many different spaces that I don't think of you in one way.

I just, and I think that would be the ultimate goal of any actor is that you've had, I know what do you get when people see you on the street? Well, it depends. Yeah. You know, I used to play like, you know, I used to try to profile them and go like, wait a minute, how old was your age?

Where are you from? What kind of thing? And I would try to guess the thing they would. And a lot of times I would be right because it is generational now for some of, you know, we've done this for 40 years. Like you can tell when someone's gonna be a Marvel fan. Mostly. And they'll know you from, you know, Iron Man.

So they'll, that I would think would be clearer to know, but then you've done- Well, House of Lies, there are a lot of consultant people that come up to me, and if they're coming there in a suit and certain cadence, I'm like, I know which one you love, you know? Yeah. Yeah. You made us look like fools.

They're usually saying thank you so much. They're like, ooh. But, you know, and I get mouse a lot from, you know, I know people that have come up and go devil in a blue dress. I know somebody just like mouse, you know what I mean? Yeah. It depends, but I, but yeah, I'm very fortunate in that way that I've gotten to do a lot of different kinds of things

and that's always what I wanted to do as an actor and that was always what was really exciting to me, not to just play one thing over and over, but to, you know, I came up doing theater and we had to do everything, so I just wanted to keep doing that. I can't settle on one, but the first time you really popped for me was in Boogie Nights.

And when you're at that famous party wearing that insane getup, I don't even know what to call that getup. It's like earth, wind and fire meets Rick James meets. Yes. Yeah. Egyption sun god. Yes, yes.

But you're sad. Yeah. And it's really a beautiful piece of acting because you're sitting there and you're not connecting with anybody. And to be wearing that getup and be sad at a party was to me, like a beautiful thing. Well, what's so funny about that moment,

and we talked about it a little bit, was that what people imprint on that moment, because really I was being nothing, because that was what I was told by Paul to be, which I was trying to figure out what that meant. He was like, in this moment I just want nothing. And I was like, okay. So I kind of did it.

And then he came back. He's like, okay, you were doing nothing. I was like, I thought you wanted nothing. He's like, no, I want nothing. I don't want you to do nothing. I want nothing. So I't want you to do nothing. I want nothing. So I was sitting there trying to figure out like, what does that mean?

And he walked over and went, okay, we got it. So he had been rolling. He was rolling on you basically digesting lunch and thinking. That's why I think Paul Thomas Anderson is one of the greats. Just probably all the great shots where he didn't tell people, he just let the camera roll.

Most of the acting is people digesting. I just, there's- There's a book that I think that's good. And that's another kind of acting method. Have a big lunch just before you do your role. I was remembering that you were a serious musician growing up studying jazz, and then there's this fork in the road where it's,

is it gonna be jazz or is it gonna be acting? And you had to make the choice. I think you blew it. I did too. I did too. Looking back, except I may have been a horrible, horrible musician. We never know.

Think of the money you'd be raking in with jazz. Yeah, yeah, you're right. You're right. And different people recognizing you for different kinds of jazz. Different licks. Different. I like your,

da ba da ba ba ba. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, thanks man. I really had you pin more. I said, did it do, did it do. You just never know. You never know, man. It takes all kinds. Do you still play?

Now I kind of play the bass more than. I came up playing sax and thought I was going to do that for a minute and came up singing, doing vocal jazz. And I thought that one of those two things are what I was going to do that for a minute and came up singing, you know, doing vocal jazz. And I thought that one of those two things are what I was going to do. But then I really was enamored of people who could really, really do it. And I was kind of intimidated by the music and it's, you know, it's not, it's not easy. And I knew that I was going to be going away, you know,

for school and I wasn't going to be woodshedding. I wasn't going to be spending 12 hours on, you know, scales and that. And you know, when I grew up later and talked to a lot of these musicians who are now amazing musicians, I said, did you used to have to beg your parents to practice or did they used to have to beg you to do something else? And he goes, they would, you know, all of the great ones are like, oh no, they had to pull me away from the piano or they had to pull me away from my trumpet. It's like, that's all they wanted to do. And I was like, yeah, I'm not driven like that,

but I wanna be that good, so I can't do it. I have to be a recreational musician because to get there, you have to be, you already have to be kind of wired like that. I keep coming back to, there's so much that we do in our careers, it's compulsion. I don't know another word to say it, but we do the things that we end up

that eventually we were compelled to do. I agree. And I always come back to, I can't take credit for that. I didn't make a conscious decision. Whatever this thing is I'm doing, I was compelled to do. Right. And which is why I think murderers should not be put in jail.

Oh. They were just compelled. Hot take. Yeah, well, sorry. Hot take. Does he do that a lot? Like. They were just compelled. Hot take. Yeah, well, sorry. Hot take. Does he do that a lot? Like just dead left turn.

I'm sorry, but if a murderer's compelled, it's not his fault. That also sounds like a backdoor confession to me. Yeah. We'll get to that later. Kind of. We'll get to that later. Okay.

You wanted to be a lawyer when you were growing up, and now you just wanted to be. I wanted to be a murderer. But I just knew the hours you have to put in. You can't woodshed murder. No, no. I mean, in a way. You could, you better woodshed your murder.

Oh yeah, you better put it somewhere. All the supplies you have to buy. No, it's a lot. The saw. You could be a recreational murderer. I've tried it. Obvious. I've tried it.

But then real murderers come along and I'm like, man, that's the real thing. Oh, yeah, you're no Casey. You're really doing it. Did you? I'm curious because, I'm sorry. Don. I enjoyed every moment of it.

Let me just say that was the best. Don, let me say, you knew better than to come here. I did. We've encountered each other. You did the late night show many times. You've been here. No, you're right. You knew than to come here. I did. We've encountered each other. You did the late night show many times. You've been here. No, you're right. You knew not to come.

You're right. But when your publicist said, what about Conan? You were compelled. I was compelled. I was compelled. I was compelled. Compelled. Did you, because you've been able to,

I know in your acting career and producing career, you had the opportunity and the desire to do something about Miles Davis. Did that give you sort of an insight into him as a musician by getting to do that? I mean, researching him and meeting people that, his family that were very instrumental and no pun intended, getting that thing done

and being with people that he played with and knew him. And it's absolutely, yeah, 100%. And again, he's like on the Mount Rushmore, he's one too on it. So it's seeing all of the people that he influenced and all the careers that he influenced and all the music that he influenced. And the coolest thing about when I would meet people

and told them that I was doing this is there are people that three different distinct people, kind of like when you're saying, how do they recognize you? There are people that don't know anything about miles before he was electric. They never started listening to him, to him before bitches brew or, you know, any of those electric super rock. Now you listen to it. Like all the heavy metal dudes know all that miles music, but there are other

people who had never listened to them. They were just traditionalist jazz and soon as he went electric, stopped listening to him. And then there was this other whole generation that only knew him when he started doing covers of like Skriti Politti and you know time after time and human nature. That's like that's when they knew who he was. So he generationally affected all these different musicians that did not cross pollinate in their, you know, genres. So I was like, that's a testament. How many musicians do that? I heard a Miles Davis story recently,

because we always talk about this in the podcast, that we wanna start rolling right away. Because sometimes people come in, before they even sit down, they start saying this amazing stuff. And you're like, God, you know, were we rolling on that? Well, no, they hadn't sat down yet.

And someone, I was relating that to someone. It was Jack Black. It was Jack Black. And he said that Miles Davis used to say, start rolling when I'm in the parking lot outside. Like hit play when I'm still parking my car outside the recording studio. I want you recording on my feet walking in,

opening the door, me biting into the cheese sandwich, everything before the music even starts because we need to capture it all because you never know. Yeah, that led to his album of just cheese sandwich. Which many people think is best work. What are you gonna say? You gonna try to tear that album off?

It's no Ham on Rye sandwich album. I beg to differ. You know, all these different roles that you've played, I've always thought, and I could be wrong, that the Oceans franchise seems like it might have been the most fun because it felt like, well, that's a fun group of people to be around and-

Mostly. Let's get into it. Yeah, let's dig in a little bit. It's gotta be Karl Reiner. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? We won't do it on this, we'll talk afterwards.

Karl Reiner, renowned prick. No, no, we're not gonna go into anything. Well, whatever. The important thing, but it does seem like it would mostly be a fun gig. Oh, it was absolutely a fun gig and we got to go everywhere and Jerry Weintraub, who was hell on people in the business,

but great for us, just made it perfect. And when we were in Italy where we shot the second one, we had like the one whole floor of a hotel, well, we kind of had to, because paparazzi is in Italian, we couldn't have, there was no place where we could really go. So they're like, you guys live right here, that's it.

And our families came and it was just, it was great. And if we ever did get the paparazzi would come, I'd be with George or Matt or something, we'd go, look, there's Brad. And we just all. Shh. And we'd. Is that Brad?

Oh, that, it's a different Brad. Yeah, yeah. And it's cool to have seen all of the different levels and you know what I mean? Because I can still pretty much just go around, you know what I mean? I don't really get bothered that much. Somebody will say something

or I'll know somebody recognized me. But for the most part, I just am low key and people just let me live my thing. I don't think Brad can be, you know what I mean? It's like, he can't go anywhere and I don't think I would want that. I think I would, you know, it's like, it's hard and people feel like,

and I know you've heard it, you've probably heard it before, people are like, well, what did you expect? Like, that's what I, they think it's the contract. Like, I should get to walk up to you and like put my hat on your head and go take a picture. Like, what's wrong? I paid for this.

It's like, well, no, I did that thing and you paid for that thing. And then that was shook hands. And that, and now I'm just a. It's like, well, no, I did that thing and you paid for that thing. And then that was shook hands. And now I'm just a person out here too. So it's tricky and look, these are high-class problems and it's like, don't complain over this stuff. If nobody came out, nobody would be seeing your things.

Nobody would, if you didn't have fans, nobody's coming. But it is an interesting sort of a thing. I think what you're talking about is this whole other, you know, I get, hey, Conan, cool, hi, or Conan, not a fan, karate chop, but I get some version of that and it's very friendly and they know me as me. It's not that, you know, it's not that level

where the street gets blocked, do you know what I mean? And I think that's the thing that nobody signs up for. Like, you know, when Brad Pitt wanted to be an actor, I don't think he thought they're gonna have to close an entire airport if I show up because that's a whole other thing. Yeah, and you can't anticipate, you're not, I mean, you've seen it, but you never think like,

that's, it's not gonna be me. I'm not gonna have to like do maneuvers to get out of traffic because everybody's trying to chase me, but it's like, yeah, sometimes. We had, I think we were doing a live podcast and it was after someone sort of charged the stage when Dave Chappelle was performing and security, you know, got to the person and, but then it was like a week later,

I was doing something at like a Netflix comedy event and this whole security team came up and said, just so you know, we're gonna be protecting you when you're on stage because of what happened to Chappelle. And I said, gentlemen, stand down. That is not gonna be a problem. We are good. We are good.

ALL LAUGH I am no Dave Chappelle. And I don't inspire that kind of fanaticism. We're fine. Yeah. Someone might throw, like, a book of poems on stage for me to read, but that's about, you know, it'll be a small paperback that will bounce off my head. That is hilarious. What's nice is, I think especially in your case is,

and this is my compliment, is you're such a great shape-shifter as an actor that you're able to inhabit all these different roles. Your career doesn't fit any standard pattern in this situation. You're so much more of a professional, you're so much more of a professional, you're so much more of a professional, you're so much more of a professional,

you're so much more of a professional, you're so much of a professional, you're so much more of a professional, you're so much more of a professional, you're so much of a professional, you're so much more of a professional, you're so much more of a professional, you're so much of a professional, you're so much more of a professional, you're so much more of a professional, you're so much of a professional, you're so much more of a professional,

you're so much more of a professional, you're so much of a professional, you're so much more of a professional, you're so much more of a professional, you're so much of a professional, you're so much more of a professional, you're so much more of a professional, you're so much of a professional, you're so much more of a professional, you're so much more of a professional, you're so much of a professional, you're so much great shape-shifter as an actor that you're able to inhabit all these different roles. You've, your career doesn't fit any standard pattern in this fantastic way. You know, you've- Tell my agent it's fantastic.

It's like, why don't you pick something? Pick Elaine! Maybe I can sell your ass now. Pick Elaine! Who is he? He's this, he's that, he's that, Jesus. I'm kind of with your agent now. I wouldn't sign you.

I think you must be a nightmare, but. I am. I'm a problem. I'm a big problem. Does it lead to, cause I've heard you mention this and I find it fascinating. We all look at different people and make assumptions.

And so I would look at you and say, well, Don Cheadle would have no anxieties about his next job because who's worked more steadily in more different ways and not just as an actor, but producer and more consistently and is respected and check all the boxes, but that is not the case. That's not how you feel. I don't know of any actor, I mean, of course,

there's certain people who have piles of scripts that come in and they're always like, which one of these do I want to do? But you know, it doesn't mean you're always gonna find one that you want to do or one that you think is good. And I don't, by the way, I don't have piles of scripts coming to my house, just to be clear. But I get offers and there's things that I look at

and there's a lot of stuff that I want to put together as a coming to my house, just to be clear. But I get offers and there's things that I look at and there's a lot of stuff that I wanna put together as a producer and try to find ways to put people in it and get it over the trance. And that's just like roll up your sleeves and that's a grind, always. It's more the anxiety of once you've said yes to something and are doing it and the level that you hope

you're able to achieve with it. I'm literally right now trying to figure out the proper proportion for that. It's like, it's not your responsibility. Once you've done it, you put it out there, you let it, and it's gonna be what it's gonna be. I don't know any actor that doesn't leave and just go like, I hope they don't use this take.

And what's it gonna actually be? Because you give up a lot of control. It's gone. As soon as you're done, everybody else gets to play with it. And you don't know what it gonna actually be? Because you give up a lot of control. It's gone. As soon as you're done, everybody else gets to play with it. And you don't know what it's gonna be, which is even more of a reason to just be like, okay, it is what it is.

It's out of my hands. But it's very, you know, if you're doing it right, I think you're using a lot of you and you're exposing a lot of stuff and it can make you very vulnerable. And then to put that out there and be like, whatever is something I'm trying to learn about more, how to be more, I guess, graceful with that moment

with myself, as opposed to being, to use your word, neurotic about it. Because I think most doctors are pretty neurotic. If you care, if it matters, you want to do the best job possible and you want to, if you love the material, you want to like, do well with the material, you want to like do well with the material. You want to be in things that are, that work and that feel good.

And that you can tell yourself the reason that you spent four or five months out of your life doing it. You know, that's another thing is you can't get that back no matter what they pay you. It's like your, your time is your time. So you want to make all of the best decisions you can going into the thing. And then you want to show up fully and be there as much as you can be. And so it's weird to then after it's over,

kind of like how you dial that down or turn that off. It's just a very interesting process. And it's over, you know, it's a long time. You do the pre-production, then you do the production, then you do the post-production, you're doing ADR, then you do press. It's like a project lasts years in your life. It's not just when you shoot it.

It's amazing to me. It took me a long time to figure this out, but over the years and years and years of doing the late night show to realize, because I'm not from the world of acting, movies, and so it was very foreign to me. But the idea that when people were coming, by the time they got to my show,

or any time you came on my show, which I think you came on my show like nine times, you were promoting something that you had maybe finished making a year or a year and a half earlier. And then you would had to get yourself from the mindset of, yes, I'm here to talk to you about this. And that is so foreign to me,

because everything, you know, this world particularly, but even late night world, everything was, we think about it at three o'clock in the afternoon, we tape it at 5.30. They like it, they hate it. People that night like it or hate it. Someone on the street, maybe the next day, but you're already onto the next thing.

And so that was news to me, was how the, it's kind of a marathon quality to it. You said all these steps and you've got to be totally invested each time one of them comes up, but then you move on to the next project. And then by the time the podcast or the talk show rolls around. Like that was six months ago.

Yeah, that's far away. I mean, Fight Night, you know, the one that's coming out in September, that's not that far away. We've wrapped it in, I wrapped in June. But yeah, very often it's six months, nine months, a year. You're like, set up this clip. And you're like, I don't remember that.

Oh, trust me. I was out there so many times, so many times at the 10,000 late night shows I did. I was out there so many times where I'd say like, so tell me what we're gonna see. And they go like, well, and I could see it in their eyes. And then I'd say, you go to a camel store. And they're like, right. Yes, yes, camel store.

Oh, don't tell me, don't tell me. And then, and then. Something became a game show where I'm telling them what their clip was and ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. You get a new car. A camel store. Yeah, yeah.

You didn't see that movie? They sell camels? That was a movie, yeah. Okay. That you're very proud of, by the way. Yeah. You didn't see that movie? No. They sell camels? That was a movie, yeah. Okay. That you're very proud of, by the way. Absolutely. And I came up with the twist in the plot. That's where I got you from, the camel movie.

Yes. Yes. Camel store. Camel store, yeah. You probably sucked me out as a real camel guy. Look, there was one ticket sold, and it looked like it was to you. Uh, a geek bought a ticket. That's the good news. Hey. There was one ticket sold and it looked like it was to you.

A geek bought a ticket, that's the good news. No, no, no, not that kind of geek. The good kind of geek. You brought up Fight Night, so I wanna talk about it, which is, this is a true story. It's based on a true story. Right, you guys- I think we have to be clear with that, yeah.

Based on a true story. Right, you guys- We have to be clear with that. Yeah, based on a true story. Yeah. It takes place in and around Muhammad Ali's big comeback fight. That's right. 1970, I think. And one of the things, first of all, Kevin Hart is in this with you.

And I think you and I have to agree to grab that man and hold him still. I tried to ankle him many times. I tried to kick his back foot out from under him, but somehow he rolls up and he's just like, no, you can't do it, man. See, it's a good shot. But let me tell you what I am.

I've never met anybody, he doesn't stop. It's insanity. He doesn't stop. And I do think he makes so many different projects. He's always good. I adore him. I think he's insanity. He doesn't stop. It's insanity. And I do think he makes so many different projects. He's always good. I adore him. I think he's fantastic. I think he's a huge talent.

But then I think there are moments in between projects where there's not something lined up. And so they just put a credit card into his hand and start shooting and they tell him, it's Amex. And he goes, okay, it's Amex. It's C-Bank, whatever. Move him over there. Okay, slightly to the right. And we're gonna switch out cards. Yeah, yeah. He he goes, okay, with Amex, it's city bank, whatever. Move him over there. Okay, slightly to the right,

and we're gonna switch out cards. Yeah, yeah, he's like, fine, I can do it. I know who I am. Yeah, I have had the experience of, he asked me to do his podcast, and it was on Zoom, and he clearly, I'm waiting around for a little bit, which doesn't usually happen, but I'm like, okay. And then he comes running in

and clearly he's just shot nine other things. And I think also entertained at a kid's party. He does a lot. Yeah, it's fantastic. But anyway, he's great in this. He's really good in it. And you have such an amazing cast. Yeah, it's really good.

And the look of it is such a great homage. So that's like one of my favorite periods. Yeah, it's really good. And the look of it is such a great homage. So that's like one of my favorite periods. Yeah, it's a great era for clothes, for hair. 1970s, cars. Music, cars, you name it. And it was a lot of fun to work with. And I had great, it's me, Taraji, Terrence Howard, Sam Jackson, and Kevin.

And I've worked with all of them before. So that was the first time that I had been, we're all together in one thing. And it was just great to have. They're on one side of the show really, and I'm on kind of the other side of the show, so toward the end, our characters kind of collide, and then I'm with them for the rest of it.

Your character's based on a real detective? Yes, Detective J.D. Hudson. The first, one of the first black officers in Atlanta at that time. And also one of the first black officers in Atlanta at that time. And also one of the first black detectives at that time. So yeah, it's based on this true story about when Ali couldn't get a fight after he didn't agree to go to the draft. The senator in the town, in the center of Atlanta at that time,

there was a loophole in the laws which would allow him to get a sanctioned fight in Atlanta. So he brought him there, it was a lot of controversy, people didn't want him there, it was a lot of death threats, you know what I mean? And my character gets asked to, gets not asked, but gets assigned to his detail to protect him while he's in Atlanta. It's crazy, I don't know, I hope young people know this,

but how many prime years of his boxing career Ali lost because he refused. Because he stood up for what he believed in. Yeah, stood up for what he believed in. He said, you know, no North Vietnamese has ever done anything to me. I'm not gonna go over and fight. And it was a really principled stand,

which, you know, there's a lot of people talking in the world today when people say, oh, this celebrity or that sports, they were really brave for doing X, Y, or Z. And I think you don't know what bravery is until you go back and look at some of the stands that some of these athletes took that cost them years of their prime career.

Some of them all of it. Yeah. Some of them everything and never got back from it. And then you go back to your hometown and have to deal with, we're not just talking about getting canceled, we're talking about people like maybe lynching you, you know, people maybe shooting you, you know?

So absolutely that spirit of who he was and still is for so many people is, you know, it was really cool to have the opportunity to hopefully bring, refresh people about that, you know, people will talk about that as being an aspect of the story to entertain by the story, but all these real things that were happening at that time were really important and interesting too,

which is why it's fun to tell a story like this, because if you get a chance to do edutainment, like KRS1 would say, it's really cool that you can entertain and people can actually learn something historically, because I guess some people don't want us to know history anymore. I guess that's a problem. So, you know, it's funny to look at movies and look at entertainment and to look at something as being, well, we may be the last bastions of trying to make sure that people remember stories like these if people win who don't want us to. But it's nothing I ever thought about that would be necessary in our business.

Do you know what I mean? But it's great that we have an opportunity with a story like this that I still think is, even with all that whatever is heavy about it, which is a lot heavy about it, but it's just, it's a really good story and great cast and really good actors and a time period that was very formative

for that state and that city where the city really became a different place. Somebody was telling me that they was in this golf tournament with this guy, and he said he took an African-American studies course at Columbia or something, and he's very young, he was very young. Of course, he was 17, 18 when he went to school, and the guy said, what do you think is the black population

in the United States? And he was like, oh, I got this. And he raised his 18 when he went to school. And the guy said, what do you think is the black population in the United States? And he was like, oh, I got this. And he raised his hand and he goes, yeah. And he's like, 33%. And he went, where are you from? He said, Atlanta. He's like, yeah. It's like, no, you're very...

We're roughly half. Yeah, I think it's most, man. I'm gonna just undershoot it and say half. Like, yeah, no. Most. I'm gonna just undershoot it and say half. Like, yeah, no. But that's, that's when Atlanta like became Atlanta, you know, that's when it became a chocolate city. That's when it became a black Mecca.

And that's what a lot of this show is about is these people trying to find their places in society and find out where they can be somebody and, you know, how they can show up and how they can like get their piece of the American dream. And, you know, what happens around it with them robbing the wrong people is really cool. There's a great speech too that Kevin Hart's character gives, which is about how Atlanta is so unique. And he's like, we're not New York, we're not LA,

we're not Boston, this is a unique place. He sort of talks about the Civil War history we're not New York, we're not LA, we're not Boston. This is a unique place. He sort of talks about the Civil War history and reconstruction and just like, this is its own place. And Martin Luther King was there. Yeah, it's ours, it's ours. Exactly, yeah. A real ownership and a real time where that was possible.

And someone could go into a class and say, yeah, there's 30% black people in the country. Well, Sona believes that 95% of the country is Armenian. Is Armenian, yeah. Because when you're in Glendale. Yeah, you go to Glendale, 95%. Yeah, 95%. That's the country. That's the whole country, sure.

Yeah, it's the same everywhere. It's the same in North Dakota. There's a lot of Armenians there. What? Well, I believe 50% the whole country, sure. Yeah, it's the same everywhere. It's the same in North Dakota. There's a lot of our media there. Well, I believe 50% of this room is Irish. Yeah. Well, yeah, if we're just doing volume by size, definitely. I don't even think that's true.

Well, I'm at the table. Irish are just, we're like, I don't know, we're everywhere. No. You also have a project I wanna make sure that I mention, which is Unstoppable, which is a true story. Yeah, also based on- Based on a true story. I think they make us say based on it,

because if they say this and then you say it's true and then this happens, they're gonna be out. No, but it is- I'm based on a true story then, too. Yeah. Hi, I'm Colin O'Brien and I'm based on a true story. But yeah, just my lawyers make me say that. What is based?

The kids say based. What is based? Yeah. What's based? Like a good thing. Oh. We all go to Joe. We all look at Joe.

We all go to Joe. Yeah, we know who to look at. What is it then? Tell us. I was wondering if Conan, he doesn't know. It's like a good thing. It's like that's based. Oh, that's based. Like someone's bit or like the music or food.

Like, is it mean like, don't say like a bass guitar Don't say that Were you gonna say that no? Like the kids like a like a good bass guitar, right? So they're like hey, that's bass Or is it like a cooking sort of a term? B-A-S-T-E? Oh, see I didn't even know that. That's what I thought. No, it's B-A-S-E-D.

It is B-A-S-E-D. But I don't know why it's used. I was trying to make it funny. Oh, I'm sorry. Thanks a lot. Let's Google this. No, no, no, stay! What are you Googling?

It's where baste comes from. Don't piss off Sonia Don, she's 95% of the country. I think it means like being, She will take you out. Being genuine, being yourself is what kind of Google says. Oh well. Based is a slang term that originally meant to be addicted to crack cocaine or acting like you were,

but was reclaimed by rapper Lil B for being yourself and not caring what others think of you. I knew it was Lil B. I thought it was E at first, but it is Lil B. Yeah. No, no, Lil at first, but it is Little B. Yeah. No, no, Little E does cased. And it's, yeah, Little E is cased. You know what?

This went from one of my favorite episodes to absolutely just nosedived in the last eight seconds. Can we go over some of it and get it back? I mean, is this the last of the case? I think we can, I think we pulled this out. Yeah, okay, let's get rid of this part. But look at this, you've got two projects, because you've got Unstoppable as well.

Yeah, greedy. And it's based on a true story. Yes, it is based on a true story about Anthony Robles, the ASU wrestler who went on to become the, you know, won the whole thing that year in college level, and he has one leg, which was, you know, oh, poor guy at the beginning, until he started beating everybody,

and then they're like, that's an advantage, that's an unfair advantage, stop him. I wish I only had one leg. Some of us get all the luck. Exactly. He was there when we were shooting the movie. He actually is in some of the movies, great. But Jeral Jerome plays him, great young actor.

And it's a really incredible story based on a true story about this guy's life. Man, you got lawyered up before you came in here. Look man, it's not gonna happen to me again. Maybe one of you guys in here. Fool me four times. It ain't happening again. What did you say?

He made me say it. We got into a base thing and then it went all weird. All right, I'm gonna go off script here for a second, but I am obsessed. This was all scripted? Yeah, all of it. And you did, what do you mean we're both holding scripts? We've been doing this film.

Is this film or not? You guys, are we on camera? Can they see what's happening? Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about the camera.

Just do what I told you to do. Jeez. This is based on a true story. Yeah, yeah. I'm obsessed with Nicolas Cage. I'm just gonna tell you, and I'm going somewhere with this because I know you've worked with Nick Cage and I covet any Nick Cage story

and if there's anything you can give me, I'll die a happy man. Oh man. And very soon, yeah. What can I give you of Nick Cage? You worked with him in- Family Man. The Family Man, which is like, I think it was made in 2000.

Yeah. Yeah. Nick always had very serious things. We didn't have a lot of light conversation. Really? You meet Nick, he gets in the car and he's right in. And we were right into some heavy stuff like right away. And I was like, oh, I'll meet you where you live. We'll just live in heavy. So we'll into some heavy stuff like right away and I was like, oh I'll meet you where you live We'll just live in heavy

So we'll be in heavy stuff. Mm-hmm So I can't I don't have any like apocryphal light delightful stories about Nick That's that's just making me happy. But let me tell you I am so Glad and so happy to see what he has done Yeah and how his career because he is doing what he wants to do what he has done. Yeah. And how his career, because he is doing what he wants to do. And he has become, I mean, he was already really, really, really, really good.

But I think opening himself up to all these different things and going like, I'll do an insane comedy all the way. I'll do a super dark horror movie. I'll do, you know. Yeah. He's just my favorite kind of an actor who's like, let's see how many gears I have. Let's open this thing up and just have fun and just play and do a lot of good stuff.

And I think he's really proven that he's like really real. He's really, really good. I rewatched Face Off recently and it is one of the most- Bananas. Insane slash bananas slash delightful films. And it's both of these guys, it's Travolta and Kate just going for it.

Chewing the scenery. Chewing it up, swallowing it, bombing it back up again. And then putting it back in. Then like a dog, re-eating it, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But one of my favorite moments is, we did so many weird odd bits,

but we had one bit that's not even wasn't well known or anything, but it was a segment of the show where I'd go visit a horse. It was a horse's head, like it was a kid's show. And the horse, it was someone in a horse costume, and his name was Cloppy. And I'd say, now it's time for another visit with Cloppy.

And we'd play this goofy kid's music. And I'd go over and I'd talk to this horse, and the horse would say these, it'd be like, oh Conan. And then he would say these very depressing things, very depressing things and then wander off and you'd always hear a gunshot and I'd go, oh my God. Like Cloppy killed himself.

But then Cloppy would come back and explain what the gunshot was and how it had nothing to do with him and he's okay, but then he'd be very depressed again and then leave and that was the bit. And then this faux very dark sketch for kids about a horse named Cloppy and it had a really fun song that went with it. And one day, we didn't even do it that often,

but I think Nick Cage was on our show one time and he came out and we're talking and then out of nowhere, he just went, I like Cloppy. I want you to do Cloppy. And I was like, what? I what? And he just, it turns out, had caught the show once

when Cloppy was on and that had caught his imagination. And out of nowhere, he just went, I like Cloppy. So what we did is I insisted, I told my writers, take that and the next time we do Cloppy and every time we did Cloppy after that, we'd do the whole opening to Cloppy and then a circle wipe would come up and it would say endorsed by Nicolas Cage

and he'd go, I like Cloppy. Well, that is permission. Of course. But I don't know why. He was probably so flattered. He was probably so flattered. He was probably so flattered. I just liked the whole concept that this sketch has been endorsed by Nicolas Cage

and then just his head comes up out of nowhere from the interview. I like Cloppy. I like Cloppy. I bet he loved it. I bet if you saw him again, he would maybe do the Cloppy movie if you guys figured it out.

I bet I don't even have to figure it out. No. I just write something quickly on an envelope. I'll do it. Based on a true story. Based on a true story. Pursued by the real Cloppy. Cloppy's heirs come to get you.

That's not how Dad was. BOTH LAUGH You misrepresented dad. Wasn't there a story where you were in a car with him shooting a movie and he owned the car or something? Yes, and he did not, yes, that was day one. So like, hey, it's Nick, nice to meet you. I'm like, nice to meet you. He's like, yeah, it's a great car. It's a Ferrari. He told me the exact make and the year. And he's like, Nice to meet you. I'm like nice to meet you. He's like, yeah, I it's a great car

It's the Ferrari today told me the exact make and then the year and he's like, I love this car. I had a car like this I Think this is my car But this is the car you're shooting in. Yes the camera car the picture car with his car He had owned it. Yeah owned it. He had so many cars that he was like, this looks like one of the cars that I own. He reaches under the seat and finds like, this is my car.

Yeah. Wait a minute. Turn your head. I have to reach over here. They told me they destroyed this car. Oh, God. He's owned that many that yeah, the chances that any car he gets in,

probably 50, 50 he's owned it. Yeah, he's owned it. He did it, look, Nick Cage was a movie star back, I mean, he still is, but he was like sweet spot of movie star, he was island getting movie star. I think he was, I mean, I remember him, I think buying a dinosaur or something. He was one to get it. I think he was the one, I mean, I remember him, I think, buying a dinosaur or something. Sure. He was one of those guys

who was buying. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, just crazy things. A dinosaur egg and yeah, yeah. Yeah, I got, you know, it's funny, I've never come close. Even if I had the money, I'd be like way too cautious to like buy a dinosaur. What's the smallest dinosaur you guys have? It's for my wife.

Yeah, I don't, I'm not into dinosaurs. It's a little baby velociraptor. It's two inches high. And they're quite plentiful. I don't wanna stand out at parties. Yeah, $75 for this petrified baby velociraptor. Do these things appreciate her? $75 for this petrified baby velociraptor. Do these things appreciate or? Like a car, as soon as you put it in your pocket,

it starts to lose value. I'm not gonna buy one dinosaur for a lot of money. I'm gonna buy a lot of small dinosaurs for little money. You're gonna amortize your wrist across the snake of dinosaurs. And then hang on to them. Yeah. Just hang on to them. I'm not stupid. Like people say

Did it work out no, he has an ice cream, you can go in the bag and look at the... The Dino Museum. The Dino Museum in the bag. Oh, no. Um... Wow. That's a character in the Cloppy movie, by the way. He's got to be in the Cloppy movie. Look, the question is, will you do the Cloppy movie if I can get Nick Cage? I think we've seen that I'll do anything.

I just love that when it gets out that you've agreed ahead of time to the cloppy music, your agent just screaming at you. Right now they're like, oh. I had you all lined up for Ocean 75. It's Conan, guys. It's cloppy and Conan. You want me to say no? Look at Conan's track record in film.

I mean, it's unbelievable. What track record? I don't know. I got him confused with someone else. He's big. he intimidated me. I'm scared. I have to say something, every time I talk to you, it's an absolute just delight. Seriously, you are, you're crazy talented

and just, I don't know, just, and man. Yeah. Improv, we need to form an improv team. Let's do it. With Don Cheadle, this would be such a good use of your time. All this being in film, I'm thinking a small improv troupe in the valley. Yeah, run it by your agents.

Yeah, I will. I'm sure, oh, is that them at the door? Yeah. They're tearing it up. They're unscrewing the hinges, they're breaking it down. Get out of there! No, you are so smart and so funny and also such a nice person.

I remember running into you and I remember you and your wife at a restaurant. And an airplane. That's right. But I remembered running into you with my son who knew you from the end and he never does this, but he was, I just got respect when we got in the car afterwards that I knew you.

That's hilarious. And then it ended. It was short lived. Soon as you handed that ticket to the guy, he was like, man, he's just bad. And then I'm gonna be calling him today, I saw Don Cheadle again. Doesn't quite work.

Dad stops, and it's making it creepy. Dad, it's sad. I know where he lives. Dad. We're in're making it creepy. Dad, it's sad. That's sad. I know where he lives. Dad! We're in an improv team together. Yeah. We're gonna do improv in the valley. He'll be here soon.

Dad, we've been here for four hours. I know he's coming. Oh no. Anyway, Don, congrats on everything. Thank you. As always, you're the best and I hope to see you soon. Appreciate you. Thank you guys.

It's a lot of fun. You know, just before we started the podcast today, there were other things I was thinking of talking about, and then I came in at the tail end of you describing Matt, a job you used to have, and I immediately thought, I want to hear about that. I honestly have not heard the whole thing yet. It just sounded quite strange and I'd like you to tell this tale if you don't mind.

Yeah, sure. It is very strange. There was a guy who found a corporate loophole with an airline where he figured out if he could pay dumb people like myself to fly legs of a flight, he would accrue more in mileage for his company than it would cost to pay us to do this thing. So... Who's us? You said...

Me and some friends from our improv group. This was in the 90s. Okay, hold on. In the 1990s, you were in an improv group. How did they find... How did he... This person, this... Oh, God, this gets deeper and weirder. I know. I'm asking the questions. I'm the lawyer here, I'm asking the questions.

There used to be a show on NBC that was on after Saturday Night Live called Quick Wits, which was an improv comedy type show that we... I'm sorry, I worked at NBC in the 90s, in the comedy division, never heard of Quickwits. No, nor would you. Nor would you because this thing I think was syndicated and we were all on it and it was what it was.

And I don't, maybe Quickwits wasn't doing well enough that he figured out he had to somehow scam an airline. I don't know, he was a very nice guy, but he paid a bunch of us in this group. And I would- So he was associated with the show? He was a producer on the show. Okay. So he was associated with the show? He was a producer on the show.

Okay. But he was also running this side hustle where he would pay essentially mileage mules like us, and I would do three round trip flights a day. To where? To LAX. Well, that was the thing you could choose. A bunch of my smarter friends chose Vegas and Arizona. I chose San Francisco along with my buddy Jeremy,

just thinking, ah, it's cooler up there, but you get fogged in up there, so we couldn't even complete all of our flights each day. So you're flying LAX to San Francisco. Yeah, three times back and forth. Three times in a day. We'd get off the plane and get right back on the same plane and the flight attendants would look at us

like we were drug mules or something. Well, you may have been drug mules. Well, we were handed these things to put places. Did he ever put you to sleep, and then when you woke up, you felt something in your bottom? Yeah, but that's most nights. Okay, so.

Quick wits. So many questions. K-W-I-K-W-I-T-Z. Of course. You don't have to explain. Lazy. That anyone who comes up with the name quick wits would have to, of of course spell it that way So, um, look, I'm not proud Okay, did you ever suspect? Because I never saw this show and I worked at the fucking network

Do you ever suspect that there was no show and this was just a trick to get you to be mileage mules? I'm suspecting it now. I don't think I mean I think this person literally said I want to get as many mileage mileage mules? I'm suspecting it now. I don't think, I mean, I think this person literally said, I want to get as much mileage as I can. So I'm going to pretend there's a TV show, hire eight improv people. And then your improv game was fly on an airline three times a day.

Yeah. I don't know what to say other than the airline figured it out and they got into a big argument. And eventually the other thing is you had to pitch a quota amount that you would do. And if you didn't do that amount, you had to pay a penalty. You had to pay him? You had to pay him.

So if you didn't meet your quota, you had to pay him money as a penalty. Yeah. Okay, now is's a crucial question. How much money did you get paid to say, go to the airport, wait in line, go through security, get on the plane, fly LA to San Francisco, get off the plane, then wait around for the next plane,

get on, fly back. How much did you get per flight? We got $50 per flight. Well, this is late 90s, pre-911. I was gonna say pre-TSA. $50? No, $150 a day, because we were doing three flights.

No, but yours would get fogged in. I know, that was the problem. And I wasn't gonna make my quote. You were always just circling. You probably never landed in San Francisco. By the way, no one's ever landed in San Francisco. These were first class. They were, but it's those little airbuses.

So that almost doesn't even matter. No, there's no first class on the airbus. Did you try and eat a lot of free snacks and stuff? You just get peanuts. That's it, you know? I mean, I had a nice time with my buddy, Jeremy. We became best friends because of this, but then they got into an argument, the airline and this guy.

Were you, how do you know this? He told you? We found out because most of us were not going to make our quotas by this deadline. And luckily the airline and he settled for some amount and we didn't have to finish our quotas. He then went and wrote a book, I think like a self-published book about it that's maybe on Amazon or something. Okay. Has this guy continued to flourish in show business? I don't think so. With shows called The Wacky Wiggles? Can we watch Quick Wits?

I don't know how you'd find it. Is it on YouTube? I doubt it. I Googled it and it did come up, but there are no clips. Yeah, it says, Quick Wits. It says, eight mileage mules. CIRCLE THE SAN FRANCISCO BAY AREA. Wayne Brady was on it a bunch. Oh, he went in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode.

I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode.

I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode.

I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. I'm not even in the episode. What you talking about? By the way, none of this was improvised. Wait, where are you? I'm not in this episode. Wait! You're not even in the- oh, cuz you're- Oh!

Your plane is circling. I'm 10,000 miles above San Francisco. Did you recognize someone? That was, uh, she's in Narva's Mrs. Maisel. What was her name? I love her. Never seen this. No, why would you? It was on at like 2 in the morning. And by the way, it's presented as improv.

Everything was written. Alex Boorstein. OK, can I ask a question? Yeah. You're saying that everyone I'm looking at right now was flying? No, no, no, no. No, Wayne Brady was not doing this.

Alex Boorstein, to my knowledge. How did they get out of it? I don't know. He just went. I was part of an improv group that did this. And a lot of the people in the improv group were also on Quickwits, and we knew him because he ran it, but we ran it.

Were you ever on Quickwits? Yeah. You appeared on camera. Yes. Yes. You were doing this at the same time that you were flying around to- Roughly, I don't remember, yeah, somewhere around there.

It's all a blur. Yeah. That's fun. It's, that's, that's, that's, that yeah, somewhere around there. It's all a blur. Yeah. That's fun. That's unbelievable. And it's just insane to me. I guess it's not illegal what this guy was doing. I don't think so, but it was something shady about it that they settled with him outside.

There's something shady about it. Hey you kids, go jump on an airplane. I'll give you 50, to nowhere, I'll give you 50 bucks. I did feel like exploited for sure, but in the most like innocent way. It could have gone a lot worse. We all did things for a buck. Yeah, well Sona, do you wanna go ahead?

No, you know, just we did things. What did we do? We did, we flew to San Francisco three times a day. Oh, but. Now, what did you do? That's right. No, you did not. No.

That was you. No, we did it. We're okay. Okay, you don't wanna hear about it. We don't wanna hear about it. I did like a thing for the National Association of Music Vendors and- Is this like pre any kind of exposure?

Pre any, yeah, I'm just getting started in the business. I'm just, I'm writing for not necessarily the news. And someone saw me at an improv show and said, you're funny, we'll pay you some money if you can get yourself. It was like an hour and 40 minute drive out of LA to this weird structure where they shot videos of how to sell, they wanted to teach you how to sell musical instruments

and how not to sell musical instruments. And what I realized later on is they wanted to hire an improviser because they didn't want to hire a writer. And so they would just say, be, you know, a real handsome guy would come out and say, the one thing you don't want to be is the know-it-all salesman like this guy.

Then I would just be behind a counter and say, well, if you're going to get a synthesizer, you don't want the Moog R23, let me tell you why. I would just make up all this stuff and the customer would go, yeesh, too much information. The handsome guy would go, now let's try that again, and let's have this guy, you know, listen more than he talks. So I did that and I have it somewhere.

It's in my parents' house up in the attic on three quarter inch tape. Do you remember what three quarter inch tape was like? A giant brick. We should bring these in because I think I have a DVD copy of Quick Wits. I would have to, we would have to build that machine that could play this stupid get a stupid tape from

I wish you'd have a nut a segment where all three of us bring in our most Embarrassing thing. Do you have anything embarrassed captured on? I have 28 years Week I don't think I do I haven't I've only been on TV with with Conan But when I was in second grade, I was in the opening credits for a show. It was a legal drama and there's a quick shot of me saying the Pledge of Allegiance. I love this. Oh, that's great.

I would love to see that. But I don't even remember the show. You know what? I wanna see that. I wanna see you in a quick wits. And what I really remember fondly, more than anything I did, was the opening of the video has that kind of

late 80s it's space and cubes spinning that have an image on each side of the cube showing different parts of what you're gonna see in the video and like welcome to the and I end you know like and I just thought we gotta find this I gotta find it I've been on a million game shows and then I also won a toilet flushing national toilet flushing sound effect contest once and was all over like national People from all over the country did this this is just this is this a noise you could make with your mouth It's a noise. I did make with my mouth and I'm not going to do again because that's not what won me the competition

The way I set it up I slept with everybody I'm not going to do again because that's not what won me the competition. That sounds worse. What won the competition? It was just the way I set it up. I slept with everybody. I slept my way to the top at the toilet flushing competition. I just love you in bed and you're smoking a cigarette and you're like, what'd you think? Pretty good. Good enough to say that I'm King Flusher tomorrow? You're smoking a cigarette and you're like, what'd you think? Pretty good.

Good enough to say that I'm King Flusher tomorrow? I've finally found what I wanna give it away for. Yeah. You're always right. You're taking a cab home. You're crying and your mascara's running. The next day, and the winner is Matt Gorley. I love the one who actually deserves it just being really upset about it.

The artist. The artist. The artist. Oh man. Well, we learned a lot about each other. Yeah. Let's never talk again. Okay.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian and Matt Gorley. Produced by me, Matt Gorley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leal. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and Mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnik. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brit Kahn.

You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.