Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Don’t Sit Under The Walnut Tree
Episode Date: November 7, 2024Conan chats with Muntasser in Austria about his emigration from Iraq, working towards Austrian citizenship, and how Conan might be able to help him impress his girlfriend. Wanna get a chance to talk ...to Conan? Submit here: teamcoco.com/apply Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Conan O'Brien needs a fan.
Want to talk to Conan?
Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan.
Okay, let's get started.
Hi, Muntaser.
Welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a fan.
I love it.
Hey, Muntaser.
Hi, guys.
How are you?
Hi, Conan.
Okay, there's a lot to talk about here.
First of all, I want to make sure
I'm saying your name correctly.
How do you say your name?
It's Muntaser.
Muntaser.
Yeah, exactly, Muntaser.
Very nice to talk to you, and I love...
Looks like lederhosen you're wearing.
Yeah, exactly.
I thought I should dress fancy for Conan,
so this is my lederhosen.
Oh, very, very nice.
Yeah, it's...
Yes, I do like it when my guests wear lederhosen.
I think that's well known.
Actually, there is another reason
for me wearing my lederhose, I am applying or trying to get the Austrian
citizenship.
So I have been wearing this for a month and running back and forth in front of the mayor's
office.
It hasn't helped yet.
Hopefully it will help at some point.
Incredible.
Really?
Well, that sounds like as good a plan as any,
Muntaser, to get citizenship in Austria
is to run back and forth of the mayor's office
worrying later, Hosen.
Muntaser, where are you from originally?
So I am from Iraq and I fled to Austria nine years ago.
Wow.
2015.
How did you, can you describe how you,
you said you fled to Austria from Iraq.
How did you do it?
I just took the longest hike ever
and I landed in Austria somehow.
Did you really tell, you told the Iraqis,
I'm going on a hike, don't worry about me, I'll be back.
Don't wait up.
Don't worry about the fact that I'm wearing 19 canteens.
And laterhosen.
And laterhosen.
I'm not going to Austria.
This is how I got in actually.
I got in with my laterhosen, they didn't suspect me.
You said this is just my, this is I'm into bondage.
This is not later hosun, I'm into bondage,
don't worry about it.
So this is, I'm impressed.
You essentially walked all the way from Iraq to Austria.
That's an incredible story.
Yeah, so to Turkey, it wasn't a problem.
I flew to Turkey, it wasn't a problem. I flew to Turkey.
That went fast.
And then from Turkey to Austria, I pretty much walked most or half of the way,
let's say, and sometimes I got to use a train now and then or a bus.
But yeah, and a lot of times I just was hiking.
Wow. So you arrived in Austria and you've established yourself now, you've been living
in Austria in Linz for quite a while now?
Yeah, it's been nine years. So the first few years weren't that easy. But I started studying
here, I've finished my, and I'm teaching now
in a private Catholic school in my city.
I also train beginners swimming.
So I teach swimming as well.
And yeah, I teach physical education and English
in a middle school.
I have to say, Muntaser, you're an impressive person.
I think you deserve a lot of credit because to be so young, to leave your country pretty
much on foot, make your way all the way to Austria, and then establish yourself, that's
a feat.
That's a real accomplishment.
Many people don't accomplish a quarter of that in a lifetime. So my hat's off to you. That's a feat. That's a real accomplishment. Many people don't accomplish a quarter of
that in a lifetime. So my hat's off to you. That's very cool.
Thanks. Thanks, Conan. This means the world to me coming from you. This is like, yeah,
this is crazy.
Well, I've never done anything like that. So I think you're the one to be respected
here. Tell me a little bit about your life now.
What's going on in your life?
Besides, I know what you do for work,
and I know that you're applying for citizenship in Austria,
but what's your life like?
Well, it's not much.
Austria is a pretty much small country.
It's not much going on.
I've got a new apartment a few months ago. I've
got an Austrian girlfriend. Oh, let's hear about your Austrian girlfriend. What
about her? Yeah, I'd just like to hear about her. Tell us about your girlfriend.
Well, she is Austrian from the Alps, from the heart of the Alps.
We live in Upper Austria, between the mountains.
She is five years younger than me,
so she doesn't really think that I am cool.
Just from a five year age gap?
And you walked across all of Europe.
Keep in mind, he's wearing laterhosen.
He's wearing laterhosen.
And she's seeing that.
We're getting snippets.
So your girlfriend is younger, what's her name?
Isabella.
So Isabella is Austrian, she's your girlfriend
and she doesn't think you're cool.
No, no, not really.
I'm still trying to convince her.
Well, what do you think would help make you look cool to your girlfriend? Well, Conan, that was my next request is for you to come to Austria
and maybe we could wear Austrian lederhosen, go to a beer tent and impress and take my girlfriend with us.
So the girls will see, my girlfriend will see the girls going crazy at us.
And then she will be like, I should keep my girlfriend.
Muntaser. Muntaser. Muntaser.
I know people think I'm crazy and deluded,
and that's partially true, but I'm not that deluded.
I don't think your beautiful young girlfriend
from Austria...
I...
Maybe though, standing next to you,
this is a kind of like she'll look and go,
oh, he is pretty cool, you know?
Maybe.
Okay, it's always good to have friends with me here
in the trenches, firing their rifles into my side
as I fight the good fight.
Muntaser, Muntaser, yeah, I just wanna make sure
we get your plan straight.
Your plan is you would say it again
You would like me to come to Austria
To help you look cool in front of your girlfriend. And what would we do?
That is my plan. I mean there we we could have another plan as
You have you are a powerful man
So you could come to Austria and convince the government
to give me a citizenship.
If my later Hosen plan doesn't go right.
Oh, I have to tell you something right now, Muntaser.
Your later Hosen plan is not going to work out.
Running around in front of the mayor's office
wearing later Hosen will not yield results.
I don't know that I can do anything, but I do know this.
Anything I do will be better than your later hose and plan.
So the idea is, maybe I help you get citizenship,
but the main thing I'm interested in is young people and love.
That's what I care about.
And so does your girlfriend even know who I am?
Yeah, she knows who you are.
I introduce her to your videos, to your sketches,
and she likes them, of course.
I showed her your sketch of you and Andy Richter in Munich,
where you were learning how to dance the Schuplattler.
Yeah, Schuplattler, yes.
That's a very fun, I love that video.
Yeah, she loves it as well.
Okay, so she's aware and she's then seen me
in lederhosen, which is good.
I believe I'm wearing lederhosen in that, and so is Andy.
Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remembered it being very tight and sensual. I kept asking them to make it tighter, and
then there was a certain limit where they just, they stopped. Sona?
Sorry.
It's very constricting.
Okay.
That's all you need to know.
I don't need to know that.
Well, I think I'm going to do a little drawing for you.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That pen ran out of me.
You're good.
No, there's actually more.
I can always replace.
We go tighter in Austria.
We go tighter than the Germans.
Yes, yes.
That's why I prefer Austria tighter.
So, Wintaser, I would be your wingman is what you're saying.
You're familiar with the American term wingman?
I would be your wingman, and by being your wingman,
maybe Isabella would be more interested in you.
Think you were cooler. Is that the idea?
Yes. So, um, I don't know.
She goes to music festivals that last, like, for several days.
She's going to a music festival next week, I think.
They last several days, and going to a music festival in next week, I think.
They last several days and it's just loud and too many people and I would rather watch my beard grow
for four days than be in a music festival.
It's just the last place that I wanna be at, so.
Yeah, yeah.
Not so much in college.
No, I'm with you, Muntaser.
My daughter loves a music festival
and they go on for days.
And I like some music, but when it goes on and on and on
and everybody's twirling around,
yeah, it's not for me.
I would rather be at home.
Yeah, sleeping in tents and getting sweaty and no, that's.
That's not for you, no. you no I go to the museum I don't know
I go to I like to climb trees and pick walnuts for example that is other another
thing I do yeah I don't see what the problem is with Isabella She's got a boyfriend who likes to wear Tyrolean...
You're from a fairy tale.
Yeah.
You are a fairy tale man.
You love to wear lederhosen, climb trees and pick walnuts.
And she wants to waste her time at a Taylor Swift concert.
No one likes that.
I'm worried about you, Montaser, because I identify with you. I'm a strange man myself.
It's very rare that we end up with the cool girl. It's just, it's this tricky one, you
know? Yeah, yeah.
But if you come to Austria maybe and you do that,
you will think, well, Conan is climbing a tree
and picking walnuts, so that is probably cool.
I will get you a nice health insurance in Austria,
a nice cheap one, and we will go to the Alps.
You have, Montasso, you have the,
I have to say you have the worst ideas
for how to get citizenship and how to impress your girlfriend.
You know, you're not calling Brad Pitt,
you're not calling any of these super cool people.
I'll get Conan O'Brien to pick walnuts with me.
My girlfriend will see that.
And then it's sexahoy.
Oh my god, just using her as an excuse for you to come
and pick walnuts with me.
Yes, well.
So she doesn't exist, does she?
Yeah, I don't think this girlfriend's real.
You'll keep saying she's just there around that corner. Look at his mug. Yeah, does she? Yeah. And I don't think this girlfriend's real. You'll keep saying, she's just there around that corner.
Look at his mug.
Yeah, show us that mug.
Hey!
Hey, you got a Team Coco mug!
This is my Conan, Team Coco mug.
Conan, you are applauding, but I'm
not sure if I got it from the official websites.
So you probably didn't get any money for this one.
It's okay.
It's food life.
My friend got it for me as a birthday present
for one and a half dollars.
So it's probably.
Well, Muntaser, I bet if you put it in the wash once,
it'll say world's best golfer on it.
It was written Conan with a K.
Yeah.
I changed it.
Muntaser, I like you.
I like the, you're a good guy.
You're a good guy.
And quick question.
This is important for me to know.
Do you and Isabella live together?
No, no, actually I'm trying to convince her to come to my city
and live with me because I've just got a new apartment.
Are you in your apartment right now, or are you...
No. This is my friend's room.
I just... I'm staying here because he has a nice headgear
and a nice left.
It looks like a room that a Lego figure would live in.
I thought you were waiting for an elevator.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a dormitory. It's a student's place.
Um, okay, so, um, you have an apartment now,
and you would like her to come live in the apartment.
Does she like your apartment?
Well, she... I haven't decorated the apartment yet,
but she lives in a very nice house
with the lakes and the mountains.
And here in the city, we don't have lakes or mountains.
Oh, she has her own house or she live with her parents?
No, she lives with her parents still.
Oh, that's tough.
It's tough to get her away from that nice big mansion
and come live with you in walnut tree.
No, so yeah, that's the thing.
I have a new apartment, but I haven't decorated it yet.
So yeah.
Are you good at decor?
Do you think maybe if you may?
Oh, you're not good.
I'm horrible. OK, well, listen, maybe if you made the apartment
look cool enough, right?
That might, I mean, Sona, you jump in here.
If a guy was trying to entice you to move in with him,
would if he made the space look cool enough,
would that entice you?
I think it would be more,
can I put my own stuff in there and make it cool myself?
But yeah, it does make a difference
if you put the effort in, I think,
instead of an apple crate for your TV stand and stuff,
which I've seen.
Dated guys like that didn't love it.
Yeah, you dated guys that would just use stuff
from a construction site to make a bookcase.
Yes.
Right?
Yes, I did.
Yeah, yeah.
I did, I was younger, it's okay.
It's okay, everyone's done it.
We've all been there and done that.
Yeah, we have, everyone's done it.
If you got, for instance, a nice big bowl
for your walnuts on the table.
Like a fine bowl.
I have got one actually on.
Sure you do.
She got it for me.
Oh, she got it for you.
Oh, that's nice.
She said, these are for your walnuts.
And that's when you knew you were in love.
I think what's important, Wintosser,
I think what's important is that
you don't decorate your apartment the way you would.
Do you know what I mean?
Do you?
Be...
Ha ha ha.
I think that's very important.
I don't know.
I don't know either.
Because he should be himself.
You said, Sona, that it's important to ask her
what she likes and maybe make the apartment yield
to some of her aesthetic wishes.
Is that a possibility?
Well, how about you help me decorate my apartment according to your taste.
Okay.
And then...
Okay.
Does she like Civil War memorabilia?
Oh, no.
Yes, I think she does.
I haven't asked her, but I will answer for her.
She does.
Conan has a Civil War memorabilia tree
that he climbs up and picks memorabilia.
All three of you can go furniture shopping together.
The three of us can.
And then she can put in her two cents,
but I'm nervous about you.
You shouldn't be.
Or even Montosser just doing it all on his own.
I don't know why you would look at Montosser
and look at me and be worried that we don't know
what a woman finds sexy.
I think you're out of your mind.
Yeah, sorry.
Muntaser, I'm very impressed by you.
I think your personal story is incredible.
And what you've done to single-handedly forge your life
through a lot of hard work and taking some risks is amazing.
You're a very impressive guy.
So I would do anything I could to help you with Isabella.
I would try not to hurt things.
I would try to just only make things better.
Thank you, Kona.
Thank you.
I will make a whole list of things you can do for me
to fix my life and everything.
And I will send it to Team Coco.
My career has taken some weird turns.
I now just have massive to-do lists
and I rush around the globe running small errands.
You're like the Mary Poppins.
Well, you haven't been to Austria,
so I have still have some time to, you haven't been to Austria, so I have still some time.
I've never been to Austria.
I would love to go to Austria, and I would love to meet you and personally shake your
hand because I think I'm lucky to have a fan like you, Montaser.
You're a cool guy.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Well, I have been listening to you, watching your stuff for years since my beginning in Austria
and I watched thousands and thousands of videos and I laughed at least 12 times.
That's the ratio.
That is the ratio, Montaser.
At least.
I said at least.
It's probably more. It's always been 3,000 to 12. It's been the ratio, Montaser? At least, I said at least. Hey. It's probably more.
It's always been 3000 to 12 has been the ratio.
And yeah, there were some difficult times
where your videos helped me a lot.
And yeah, I used to just be alone
and giggle with watching your Conan Without Borders.
Oh, nice.
Jordan Schlansky stuff.
Yeah.
Well, you know what?
The important thing is now we know each other.
So I know you now, Muntaser,
and I hope I get to know you better,
but I'm very lucky to have a fan like you.
Thank you, Conan.
Thank you very much.
All right.
I think it's-
This winter means the world to me and- I think it's... This means the world to me and...
I think it's time you go and waxed and oiled your clothing.
And your wallets.
Yeah.
All right, well take care Montasor.
Bye.
Thank you.
Thank you Conan.
Bye bye.
Thank you guys.
Conan O'Brien needs a fan.
With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian and Matt G Sonam Ovsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by
me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leal. Incidental music
by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer, Aaron Blayard. Associate talent producer,
Jennifer Samples. Associate associate producers Sean Doherty
and Lisa Berm.
Engineering by Eduardo Perez.
You'll get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com slash Conan.
Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts
are down.