Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Don’t Sit Under The Walnut Tree

Episode Date: November 7, 2024

Conan chats with Muntasser in Austria about his emigration from Iraq, working towards Austrian citizenship, and how Conan might be able to help him impress his girlfriend. Wanna get a chance to talk ...to Conan? Submit here: teamcoco.com/apply Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hi, Muntaser. Welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a fan. I love it. Hey, Muntaser.
Starting point is 00:00:21 Hi, guys. How are you? Hi, Conan. Okay, there's a lot to talk about here. First of all, I want to make sure I'm saying your name correctly. How do you say your name? It's Muntaser.
Starting point is 00:00:32 Muntaser. Yeah, exactly, Muntaser. Very nice to talk to you, and I love... Looks like lederhosen you're wearing. Yeah, exactly. I thought I should dress fancy for Conan, so this is my lederhosen. Oh, very, very nice.
Starting point is 00:00:48 Yeah, it's... Yes, I do like it when my guests wear lederhosen. I think that's well known. Actually, there is another reason for me wearing my lederhose, I am applying or trying to get the Austrian citizenship. So I have been wearing this for a month and running back and forth in front of the mayor's office.
Starting point is 00:01:17 It hasn't helped yet. Hopefully it will help at some point. Incredible. Really? Well, that sounds like as good a plan as any, Muntaser, to get citizenship in Austria is to run back and forth of the mayor's office worrying later, Hosen.
Starting point is 00:01:37 Muntaser, where are you from originally? So I am from Iraq and I fled to Austria nine years ago. Wow. 2015. How did you, can you describe how you, you said you fled to Austria from Iraq. How did you do it? I just took the longest hike ever
Starting point is 00:01:57 and I landed in Austria somehow. Did you really tell, you told the Iraqis, I'm going on a hike, don't worry about me, I'll be back. Don't wait up. Don't worry about the fact that I'm wearing 19 canteens. And laterhosen. And laterhosen. I'm not going to Austria.
Starting point is 00:02:18 This is how I got in actually. I got in with my laterhosen, they didn't suspect me. You said this is just my, this is I'm into bondage. This is not later hosun, I'm into bondage, don't worry about it. So this is, I'm impressed. You essentially walked all the way from Iraq to Austria. That's an incredible story.
Starting point is 00:02:42 Yeah, so to Turkey, it wasn't a problem. I flew to Turkey, it wasn't a problem. I flew to Turkey. That went fast. And then from Turkey to Austria, I pretty much walked most or half of the way, let's say, and sometimes I got to use a train now and then or a bus. But yeah, and a lot of times I just was hiking. Wow. So you arrived in Austria and you've established yourself now, you've been living in Austria in Linz for quite a while now?
Starting point is 00:03:14 Yeah, it's been nine years. So the first few years weren't that easy. But I started studying here, I've finished my, and I'm teaching now in a private Catholic school in my city. I also train beginners swimming. So I teach swimming as well. And yeah, I teach physical education and English in a middle school. I have to say, Muntaser, you're an impressive person.
Starting point is 00:03:45 I think you deserve a lot of credit because to be so young, to leave your country pretty much on foot, make your way all the way to Austria, and then establish yourself, that's a feat. That's a real accomplishment. Many people don't accomplish a quarter of that in a lifetime. So my hat's off to you. That's a feat. That's a real accomplishment. Many people don't accomplish a quarter of that in a lifetime. So my hat's off to you. That's very cool. Thanks. Thanks, Conan. This means the world to me coming from you. This is like, yeah, this is crazy.
Starting point is 00:04:16 Well, I've never done anything like that. So I think you're the one to be respected here. Tell me a little bit about your life now. What's going on in your life? Besides, I know what you do for work, and I know that you're applying for citizenship in Austria, but what's your life like? Well, it's not much. Austria is a pretty much small country.
Starting point is 00:04:42 It's not much going on. I've got a new apartment a few months ago. I've got an Austrian girlfriend. Oh, let's hear about your Austrian girlfriend. What about her? Yeah, I'd just like to hear about her. Tell us about your girlfriend. Well, she is Austrian from the Alps, from the heart of the Alps. We live in Upper Austria, between the mountains. She is five years younger than me, so she doesn't really think that I am cool.
Starting point is 00:05:17 Just from a five year age gap? And you walked across all of Europe. Keep in mind, he's wearing laterhosen. He's wearing laterhosen. And she's seeing that. We're getting snippets. So your girlfriend is younger, what's her name? Isabella.
Starting point is 00:05:36 So Isabella is Austrian, she's your girlfriend and she doesn't think you're cool. No, no, not really. I'm still trying to convince her. Well, what do you think would help make you look cool to your girlfriend? Well, Conan, that was my next request is for you to come to Austria and maybe we could wear Austrian lederhosen, go to a beer tent and impress and take my girlfriend with us. So the girls will see, my girlfriend will see the girls going crazy at us. And then she will be like, I should keep my girlfriend.
Starting point is 00:06:16 Muntaser. Muntaser. Muntaser. I know people think I'm crazy and deluded, and that's partially true, but I'm not that deluded. I don't think your beautiful young girlfriend from Austria... I... Maybe though, standing next to you, this is a kind of like she'll look and go,
Starting point is 00:06:39 oh, he is pretty cool, you know? Maybe. Okay, it's always good to have friends with me here in the trenches, firing their rifles into my side as I fight the good fight. Muntaser, Muntaser, yeah, I just wanna make sure we get your plan straight. Your plan is you would say it again
Starting point is 00:07:05 You would like me to come to Austria To help you look cool in front of your girlfriend. And what would we do? That is my plan. I mean there we we could have another plan as You have you are a powerful man So you could come to Austria and convince the government to give me a citizenship. If my later Hosen plan doesn't go right. Oh, I have to tell you something right now, Muntaser.
Starting point is 00:07:33 Your later Hosen plan is not going to work out. Running around in front of the mayor's office wearing later Hosen will not yield results. I don't know that I can do anything, but I do know this. Anything I do will be better than your later hose and plan. So the idea is, maybe I help you get citizenship, but the main thing I'm interested in is young people and love. That's what I care about.
Starting point is 00:08:02 And so does your girlfriend even know who I am? Yeah, she knows who you are. I introduce her to your videos, to your sketches, and she likes them, of course. I showed her your sketch of you and Andy Richter in Munich, where you were learning how to dance the Schuplattler. Yeah, Schuplattler, yes. That's a very fun, I love that video.
Starting point is 00:08:32 Yeah, she loves it as well. Okay, so she's aware and she's then seen me in lederhosen, which is good. I believe I'm wearing lederhosen in that, and so is Andy. Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remembered it being very tight and sensual. I kept asking them to make it tighter, and then there was a certain limit where they just, they stopped. Sona? Sorry. It's very constricting.
Starting point is 00:08:58 Okay. That's all you need to know. I don't need to know that. Well, I think I'm going to do a little drawing for you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That pen ran out of me. You're good. No, there's actually more.
Starting point is 00:09:08 I can always replace. We go tighter in Austria. We go tighter than the Germans. Yes, yes. That's why I prefer Austria tighter. So, Wintaser, I would be your wingman is what you're saying. You're familiar with the American term wingman? I would be your wingman, and by being your wingman,
Starting point is 00:09:26 maybe Isabella would be more interested in you. Think you were cooler. Is that the idea? Yes. So, um, I don't know. She goes to music festivals that last, like, for several days. She's going to a music festival next week, I think. They last several days, and going to a music festival in next week, I think. They last several days and it's just loud and too many people and I would rather watch my beard grow for four days than be in a music festival.
Starting point is 00:09:57 It's just the last place that I wanna be at, so. Yeah, yeah. Not so much in college. No, I'm with you, Muntaser. My daughter loves a music festival and they go on for days. And I like some music, but when it goes on and on and on and everybody's twirling around,
Starting point is 00:10:16 yeah, it's not for me. I would rather be at home. Yeah, sleeping in tents and getting sweaty and no, that's. That's not for you, no. you no I go to the museum I don't know I go to I like to climb trees and pick walnuts for example that is other another thing I do yeah I don't see what the problem is with Isabella She's got a boyfriend who likes to wear Tyrolean... You're from a fairy tale. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:53 You are a fairy tale man. You love to wear lederhosen, climb trees and pick walnuts. And she wants to waste her time at a Taylor Swift concert. No one likes that. I'm worried about you, Montaser, because I identify with you. I'm a strange man myself. It's very rare that we end up with the cool girl. It's just, it's this tricky one, you know? Yeah, yeah. But if you come to Austria maybe and you do that,
Starting point is 00:11:29 you will think, well, Conan is climbing a tree and picking walnuts, so that is probably cool. I will get you a nice health insurance in Austria, a nice cheap one, and we will go to the Alps. You have, Montasso, you have the, I have to say you have the worst ideas for how to get citizenship and how to impress your girlfriend. You know, you're not calling Brad Pitt,
Starting point is 00:11:58 you're not calling any of these super cool people. I'll get Conan O'Brien to pick walnuts with me. My girlfriend will see that. And then it's sexahoy. Oh my god, just using her as an excuse for you to come and pick walnuts with me. Yes, well. So she doesn't exist, does she?
Starting point is 00:12:22 Yeah, I don't think this girlfriend's real. You'll keep saying she's just there around that corner. Look at his mug. Yeah, does she? Yeah. And I don't think this girlfriend's real. You'll keep saying, she's just there around that corner. Look at his mug. Yeah, show us that mug. Hey! Hey, you got a Team Coco mug! This is my Conan, Team Coco mug. Conan, you are applauding, but I'm
Starting point is 00:12:37 not sure if I got it from the official websites. So you probably didn't get any money for this one. It's okay. It's food life. My friend got it for me as a birthday present for one and a half dollars. So it's probably. Well, Muntaser, I bet if you put it in the wash once,
Starting point is 00:13:04 it'll say world's best golfer on it. It was written Conan with a K. Yeah. I changed it. Muntaser, I like you. I like the, you're a good guy. You're a good guy. And quick question.
Starting point is 00:13:20 This is important for me to know. Do you and Isabella live together? No, no, actually I'm trying to convince her to come to my city and live with me because I've just got a new apartment. Are you in your apartment right now, or are you... No. This is my friend's room. I just... I'm staying here because he has a nice headgear and a nice left.
Starting point is 00:13:44 It looks like a room that a Lego figure would live in. I thought you were waiting for an elevator. Yeah, yeah. It's a dormitory. It's a student's place. Um, okay, so, um, you have an apartment now, and you would like her to come live in the apartment. Does she like your apartment? Well, she... I haven't decorated the apartment yet,
Starting point is 00:14:08 but she lives in a very nice house with the lakes and the mountains. And here in the city, we don't have lakes or mountains. Oh, she has her own house or she live with her parents? No, she lives with her parents still. Oh, that's tough. It's tough to get her away from that nice big mansion and come live with you in walnut tree.
Starting point is 00:14:28 No, so yeah, that's the thing. I have a new apartment, but I haven't decorated it yet. So yeah. Are you good at decor? Do you think maybe if you may? Oh, you're not good. I'm horrible. OK, well, listen, maybe if you made the apartment look cool enough, right?
Starting point is 00:14:51 That might, I mean, Sona, you jump in here. If a guy was trying to entice you to move in with him, would if he made the space look cool enough, would that entice you? I think it would be more, can I put my own stuff in there and make it cool myself? But yeah, it does make a difference if you put the effort in, I think,
Starting point is 00:15:12 instead of an apple crate for your TV stand and stuff, which I've seen. Dated guys like that didn't love it. Yeah, you dated guys that would just use stuff from a construction site to make a bookcase. Yes. Right? Yes, I did.
Starting point is 00:15:28 Yeah, yeah. I did, I was younger, it's okay. It's okay, everyone's done it. We've all been there and done that. Yeah, we have, everyone's done it. If you got, for instance, a nice big bowl for your walnuts on the table. Like a fine bowl.
Starting point is 00:15:41 I have got one actually on. Sure you do. She got it for me. Oh, she got it for you. Oh, that's nice. She said, these are for your walnuts. And that's when you knew you were in love. I think what's important, Wintosser,
Starting point is 00:15:54 I think what's important is that you don't decorate your apartment the way you would. Do you know what I mean? Do you? Be... Ha ha ha. I think that's very important. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:16:06 I don't know either. Because he should be himself. You said, Sona, that it's important to ask her what she likes and maybe make the apartment yield to some of her aesthetic wishes. Is that a possibility? Well, how about you help me decorate my apartment according to your taste. Okay.
Starting point is 00:16:30 And then... Okay. Does she like Civil War memorabilia? Oh, no. Yes, I think she does. I haven't asked her, but I will answer for her. She does. Conan has a Civil War memorabilia tree
Starting point is 00:16:45 that he climbs up and picks memorabilia. All three of you can go furniture shopping together. The three of us can. And then she can put in her two cents, but I'm nervous about you. You shouldn't be. Or even Montosser just doing it all on his own. I don't know why you would look at Montosser
Starting point is 00:17:04 and look at me and be worried that we don't know what a woman finds sexy. I think you're out of your mind. Yeah, sorry. Muntaser, I'm very impressed by you. I think your personal story is incredible. And what you've done to single-handedly forge your life through a lot of hard work and taking some risks is amazing.
Starting point is 00:17:30 You're a very impressive guy. So I would do anything I could to help you with Isabella. I would try not to hurt things. I would try to just only make things better. Thank you, Kona. Thank you. I will make a whole list of things you can do for me to fix my life and everything.
Starting point is 00:17:48 And I will send it to Team Coco. My career has taken some weird turns. I now just have massive to-do lists and I rush around the globe running small errands. You're like the Mary Poppins. Well, you haven't been to Austria, so I have still have some time to, you haven't been to Austria, so I have still some time. I've never been to Austria.
Starting point is 00:18:08 I would love to go to Austria, and I would love to meet you and personally shake your hand because I think I'm lucky to have a fan like you, Montaser. You're a cool guy. Thank you. Thank you. Well, I have been listening to you, watching your stuff for years since my beginning in Austria and I watched thousands and thousands of videos and I laughed at least 12 times. That's the ratio.
Starting point is 00:18:39 That is the ratio, Montaser. At least. I said at least. It's probably more. It's always been 3,000 to 12. It's been the ratio, Montaser? At least, I said at least. Hey. It's probably more. It's always been 3000 to 12 has been the ratio. And yeah, there were some difficult times where your videos helped me a lot. And yeah, I used to just be alone
Starting point is 00:19:00 and giggle with watching your Conan Without Borders. Oh, nice. Jordan Schlansky stuff. Yeah. Well, you know what? The important thing is now we know each other. So I know you now, Muntaser, and I hope I get to know you better,
Starting point is 00:19:17 but I'm very lucky to have a fan like you. Thank you, Conan. Thank you very much. All right. I think it's- This winter means the world to me and- I think it's... This means the world to me and... I think it's time you go and waxed and oiled your clothing. And your wallets.
Starting point is 00:19:33 Yeah. All right, well take care Montasor. Bye. Thank you. Thank you Conan. Bye bye. Thank you guys. Conan O'Brien needs a fan.
Starting point is 00:19:43 With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian and Matt G Sonam Ovsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leal. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer, Aaron Blayard. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. You'll get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com slash Conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts
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