Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Josh Brolin

Episode Date: November 18, 2024

Actor Josh Brolin feels so Don Cheadle about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Josh sits down with Conan to discuss stories of his parents out of his new memoir From Under the Truck, bucking the notion of celebrity, the lasting impact of The Goonies, and receiving his first motorcycle at three years old. Later, the team asks: are Conan and the Chums the perfect Dick, Dork, & Dear? For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone]. Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan.

Hi, my name is Josh Brolin and I feel so Don Cheadle about being one common hip-ironist friend. I don't even know what that means. What does it mean? Who knows? Badass. Horny. You feel horny? Nice.

Fall is here, hear the yell. Back to school, ring the bell. Brandish you, and you'll be fine. You feel horny? Nice. ["Fall Is Here"] Fall is here, hear the yell Back to school, ring the bell Brand new shoes, walk and lose Climb the fence, books and pens I can tell that we are gonna be friends ["Fall Is Here"]

I can tell that we are gonna be friends Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. And we have a wonderful podcast today, joined as always by Sonam Avsesyan, and Matt Gorley, I believe. I'm not even sure myself. And Sonam, this has gotta be a big day for you. It is.

Because, and we rarely do this, we rarely talk about the guest, but this guest is one of the stars of a movie, which has become, over time, the Citizen Kane of your generation. It defined a generation. Don't scream. We're all in the same room.

Jesus Christ. Blaze and I here, I'm compensating. When you say like the Citizen Kane, I don't know. You don't even know what I'm talking about. When you say like the Citizen Kane, I don't know. You don't even know what I'm talking about. Citizen Kane was a movie with Orson Welles. I know what you're talking about. That is very insulting.

I know. I don't think you know about things. I think he said it to insult you. Yeah, I meant to insult you. I know what Citizen Kane is. Okay. Yeah, but it's, you know what? It's just such a beloved movie.

It surprised me. I'm just gonna tell you, the movie, it skipped me because I was a little too old. And when I say a little too old, way too old. The movie came out, I believe in 1985 or 86. And I am just- Was it? 85, I think.

85. And I'm just getting my career started out in LA and I'm with my writing partner, Greg Daniels. And I remember the two of us, what's that? Namedropper. Namedropper, yes, yes. Well, he's a big deal. I'm very happy for his success

and someday I'll have some too. But the point is, Greg and I remembered this movie came out, The Goonies, which was a big deal. So we went to Westwood and we watched it and it was like a movie for kids. And Greg and I were sitting there and we were like, okay, well, I guess that's a fun movie for kids. Yeah. And Greg and I were sitting there and we were like, okay, well, I guess that's a fun movie for kids.

I remembered being very annoyed that all the kids talk over each other. Ugh, I know. Also, and I'm sorry, they also, the kids call gold rich stuff. And kids know the word gold. They just do. Your criticisms of this movie are so tiny, teeny tiny.

I've never known a movie to have more of a dividing line of whether you love it or hate it, and it's all due to age. Yes, it is, it's all age. You know, you just don't get it. So I didn't get it. I didn't get it. I'll be honest with you, I didn't get it.

So flash forward all these years, and you start working with me and blah, blah, blah, blah. And then at one point, I remember we're working at Warner Brothers studio together, and someone mentioned, oh, Goonies was shot in this studio where we make our TBS show. You were like a nun that had seen the holy tomb of Christ.

You exploded. I mean, bats flew out of you. There was an explosion, light came down. I heard Armenian songs that haven't been heard for thousands of years. And you went nuts and you were like, where's the spot? Where's the spot where they stood? Do you think that he stood here?

Do you think that, and I didn't understand. And so our guest today, Josh Brolin, of course, one of the stars of that film. Yeah. And it's amazing. I mean, it's a... Not a Goonie from the beginning. No. He becomes...

Explain, because I don't know the movie. I lost track. I know they... Yeah. He's Mikey's brother, who is the main kid in it. He's played by Sean Astin. Sean Astin, yeah. And yeah, he's his brother, and then... And he's kind of a... He's a cool kid. They all become Goonies.

Yeah, he's like the jock. Are you nervous today? I am kind of. I also just, cause he's also Thanos. What do you revere more? Do you revere him for his Goonies role or for Thanos? Goonies, Goonies. Okay, what's your problem?

He's Thanos. What? Thanos, that's who he's become. And Sicario and- Oh, Sicario's big, yeah. I don't know. Don't you have a movie that you think about from your childhood that you watch it

and you're like, yes, this always makes me happy. That's the Goonies for me. You have to have something that, like some emotion for something. Yeah, Heidi. What? She has super strength and she, right? You're thinking of Pippi Longstocking.

Oh, Pippi Longstocking. Oh my God. Oh fuck, let's do it again. Heidi! Oh no! Oh, it's too good. No, you can't! Fuck, I got the wrong one. Oh man.

I was thinking Pippi Longstocking. I remembered seeing an ad, there was a terrible Pippi Longstocking movie that came out like in the mid-70s. I'm staying at my grandparents' house. Take it easy. Okay. I'm staying at my, I mean, it was made in,

where was it made? Sweden. Okay. And- This is getting dicey. And all I remember is my grandparents had this crappy little black and white TV that got no reception. And we're down in Miss Quamaca at Rhode Island staying at my grandparents' little cottage.

And my brothers and I are crowded around and they kept playing over and over again this ad for, come see the new movie, Pippi Longstocking. And it looked weird and you could tell the voices were dubbed badly, right? Yeah, they're very bad. And there's a part where this awkward looking girl with pigtails who looked a lot like me at the time,

like lifts a horse over her head. Old man. What's that? Old man is the name of the horse. Oh, fuck. What is your problem? You're not helping the conversational flow. Yeah, or your coolness factor.

I'm not after coolness, I'm after veracity. So anyway. I'm after hard facts. Pippi, like any good journalist, Pippi lifts the horse over her head, okay? And the special effect is terrible. No, it's not. It's pretty good for the time.

Shut up. Anyway, she lifts it over her head, and then they cut a Swedish boy who's got like red cheeks and like some chocolate on his mouth. And I'll never forget, it's so badly dubbed, and he goes, Pee-pee, are you crazy? See? That's quality. And that burned into my brain. Pee-pee, are you crazy? So that whole summer of 1974,

on Crandall Avenue in Miss Quamacut, Rhode Island, I would walk around looking not unlike Pee-pee and going, Pee-pee, are you crazy? Until I was beaten by my brothers, and rightfully so. I would have beaten you. God, what a terrible looking movie. Anyway, we got off track, but it was the Goonies of its day. That was the Goonies before the Goonies.

You think so? No, I don't, I'm just being a dick. I was a big Goonies fan as well, and I'll give you one guess to which my favorite Goonie was. The one that had all the secret inventions. Data, yeah. Data. Exactly, so much so that when I was in junior high, I took a little like travel soap dish

that could open and close and made a belt buckle out of it and put a little motor with a clock cog in it that would pop out like a saw blade. And so I- I have one question. And I just need- How much did I get laid? No, I just need a number.

No, mine is how many times were you stabbed in school? Well, none because I was defended by a belt buckle. You made a, so you, Data, he's the guy that has like these weird devices that come out of his raincoat. And plays the James Bond music when he enters the movie. I mean, come on. And he's played by Short Round from Temple of Noom Kee Kwan.

Before or after? It's after. So you already were like, yeah, I love this guy. Pugin, Ganna Kwan. Was this before or after? It's after. So you already were like, yeah, Pugin, Ganna Jones. And then you saw him in the Goonies. You were like, oh my god, Short Round. And then I went to Junior High, popped open my plastic soap dish. Oh boy.

Oh my god. I tell you what though, I'm not even joking. Normally I would self-deprecate. I was cock of the walk that day. Let me tell you something. Every kid was lining up to see that soap dish saw blade, and I walked out of there with my head held high. I was cock of the walk.

I love that. That hasn't been said. I'm getting it right now. Here it is. Hasn't been said since 1934. Franklin Roosevelt, after a fireside chat, turned to Eleanor and said, I'm cock of the walk now. People have said that before. Oh yeah, that cock of the walk is a,

oh that was a big thing. Cock like the rooster cock or cock like dick cock? No, no, no, not, Jesus. Why do you always have to drag everything out on the gutter? It's my, me, I don't always do that. I'm just saying you say cock of the walk. When I hear cock, it's the first thing I think of is a penis. I'm sorry, it's a penis.

When you hear light bulb, the first thing you think of is cock. Oh my God. What is that, marzipan? Did someone say cock? Yeah, rap, please. Nope, I wanna do more of these. Cock it up. I'm Tony's therapist.

I'm gonna hold some images up to you. Here's one, cock! Here's another up to you. Here's one cock. Here's another one dick. Here's one scrote. Most of the people who heard him say cock of the walk thought what I thought, by the way. No, I don't think so. I don't think so.

No, no one here. Fuck everybody. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I just love, you got burned. You got burned, you got burned. I thought Eduardo would be on my site, but I guess- Yeah, like when I say I'm wearing a turtleneck dickie, do you think dick?

What are you, what is a turtleneck dickie? A turtleneck dickie is like a thing that people- I've never heard of that. It looks like you're wearing a turtleneck, but you're not, it only goes this far and you put it under your, we'll cut this part, it's not as good as what we just had. Cockaroo!

Okay. We always elevate and then we get back into the mud and then, I mean, actually we never elevate. No. I know, what are you, what, Alright, let's get into it. What cast do you think you're on? The rest is history.

And the dirt. My guest today is an actor who has starred in movies like, oh, I love it, in his credits, it doesn't say the one movie that Sona loves. My guess today is an actor who has starred in movies like No Country for Old Men and Avengers Endgame. And The Goonies. Doesn't say that.

Can't thrash him. You don't have to read what it says. You could say The Goonies, too. Nope, doesn't say it here. He now has a new memoir titled, and guess what? I've read this book, and it is beautiful and is very powerful. I can't say enough good about this book and it is beautiful and it's very powerful.

I can't say enough good about this book. I'm being very sincere. It's a lovely testament. This gentleman has written about his very unusual life. It's very cool. It's titled From Under the Truck. I'm thrilled he's here today. ["From Under the Truck"]

From the Goonies. Josh Brolin, welcome. I think you're excited to see me. I am excited. I'm really excited. The first time I went on your show was for flirting with disaster. And I think, you know, which I'm much less nervous now. I still get nervous, but not really. I don't care as much now. Yep.

But back then, I told a story about how my dad's so good looking that I told him I wanted to have sex with him or something like that. And nobody got it. I still think it's funny. It is funny. It is funny because it's your dad and like, of course you don't want to have sex with your dad and somebody that's that good looking, course you don't want to have sex with your dad, and somebody that's that good looking, even the son would want to have sex with him.

Every angle I look at it from, it's still funny. And literally you and I were like, you wet. And I looked out and everybody was like, nothing. You know, it was a different time. It was a different time. You know, it was a different time, and you were way ahead of the curve. That wasn't on you. Thank you.

That was on that audience that night. It was a bad audience, You know, it was a different time and you were way ahead of the curve. That wasn't on you. Thank you. That was on that audience that night. I appreciate it. It was a bad audience. I remember them fuckers. Or they didn't give a fuck what I had to say. I'm gonna start, cause I have to say this right away. And I'm gonna address my cohorts here. Mr. Brolin here, Josh Brolin has written a book.

And I told him this backstage and I wanna say it right here right now. Many celebrities write a book or known people write a book, and you look at it and you go, okay, they cranked this out. This is a beautiful book. This is a really beautiful book.

What are you doing? I'm just video recording it. We're recording this the whole time. He has a YouTube channel, but you're now a guest. No, I don't. I won't use this for anybody other than my own ego. Okay, there you go.

This is a gorgeous book, and it's really powerful, I won't use this for anybody other than my own ego. Okay, there you go. This is a gorgeous book and it's really powerful and it is brilliantly written. And I read this thing and I thought, there was so much in it that I did not know about you. It's fantastic. It's great. And it's called Josh Brolin, a memoir from under the truck. I didn't know all this stuff about you.

You jump around in time. You talk a lot about the different experiences you had on different projects, and there's a lot to talk about here. But the thread that runs through this whole thing is your mom. And it is very powerful stuff. Man, is she a character.

She is a character. She was a character, is a character, continues to be a character. It's so interesting, because one of my favorite movies of all time, and I think I've probably told you this hundreds of times, odd nauseam, but No Country for Old Men, is one of my all time favorite movies, and your performance in it, and Javier's performance in it. Incredible.

But I watched that movie again and again and again and marvel at it. This, what I never realized is that your character, Lou Wellen, is much closer to you and the way you grew up than I ever knew. Which is fascinating. In what way? What do you mean?

Well, you grow up, I mean- Oh, you mean ranch and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, first of all, your life, and there are so many passages in this book where you're taking care of animals, you're living on a ranch, you're living in this incredibly rural environment, you've got this life that was much manlier

than anything I've ever experienced. I'm sorry. I had a butterfly net. I'm sorry. I had a butterfly net. I'm sorry. I had a butterfly net. I'm sorry. Occasionally I'd go outside with my butterfly net.

I'm sorry. And then my mother would say, get back inside, the sun's out. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So, but your mom, let's talk about your mom because she runs through this book and she died very tragically.

I believe 1995 is when you lost your mom, but she jumps off the page and it's very unconventional. She's not a conventional mom in any way. You guys are drinking buddies pretty, at an early age. I think I say it in one of the chapters, if you will, which we decided toward the tail end of this to put in chapters to make it followable or just stories that you could kind of note

and go back to. But there's one that said I was, I can't remember exactly what it says, but it says something like I was... created in her kind of, uh, likeness to be a drinker. Do you know what I mean? So it was like, it was kind of like a surrogate husband, so to speak. My dad was, you know, extremely, they got married in 12 days. After seven days,

I think after five, no, it was seven days, they sat down, they had a scorpion drink, one of those massive cups between them. My dad was reeling from a recent breakup, and my mom, with her voice, that Texan voice, they were drinking it up, and she looked up, and she goes, well? And my dad's like, yeah?

And she goes, are we gonna do it or what? And he was like, do what? And she said, get married. Are we gonna just, are we gonna do it or what? And he was like, do what? And she said, get married. Are we gonna do it or what? And he got so kind of perplexed and confused and nervous that he just said, yeah, I guess. And she said, okay.

And she started planning it at that moment. And five days later, they were married. Of course, your dad, very well known actor, James Brolin. Super handsome. Super handsome. I mean, I'd fuck him. Yes, full circle, full circle. I have. Cragger.

You're not supposed to talk about it. He said it was okay. But it's interesting because- It's a new era. Because we live in this era where people talk about, you know, Nipo and, oh, you're the child- That's like the new thing. Yeah, that's the new thing that I'm saying that,

oh, you're the child of celebrity. You read this book, your dad- And you're like, where the fuck is the celebrity? Yeah, yeah. Your dad is not- That's kind of the point. Your dad kind of is not really in the picture that much. He's very peripheral.

Your mom, you say, my childhood was on a leash of the whims of my mother. And that you were sort of told to be, you're gonna be the man of the house, even though you're a little kid. And- Didn't matter to her. house, even though you're a little kid. Mm-hmm. And- Didn't matter to her.

Yeah, and then you live this life that is completely different. I mean, you are on a ranch, there's like 22s, rifles. I mean, the life you're living is not that of a kid who's growing up in any kind of privilege. Yeah, but that's the whole thing. And that's the thing that either people are really interested in or they're not interested in.

To me, I know that I've fought the idea of celebrity my whole life, even though I didn't grow up in LA, everybody thinks I grew up in Malibu. I didn't grow up in Malibu. And then you imagine what happens on a set and you think it's this perpetual red carpet and you're just waving, literally your entire life.

Do you know what I mean? There is a perception of, I was just on the phone with my lit agent, Kimberly Witherspoon this morning and I was like, I'm spinning, I'm spinning. You saw me, I felt it get uncomfortable when you said those nice things about the book. I got teary. This means the world to me because it's me being naked about the realities of the life that I've lived and the life of a lot of other celebrities that I know. And it's not that it's looking for compassion, it's not. But there's no compassion in that.

There's no just like, oh, you guys have the same problems. No, you don't. You live in a bubble. You all live under the same apartment complex. And you just go, what are you thinking? Right. Right. What are you thinking? What about the life of this kind of unconventional life of this guy who was germinated,

unbeknownst to anybody that it was going to be this, into an artist who just found creativity as an outlet, got attached to it, the self-destructive part of him grew and grew and grew with it. And then somehow through having kids and all that, found his way out of the self-destruction. Well, I read this book and I thought, it's kind of a miracle you're alive

because there's so many parts of this book where your drinking is out of control and you're, you almost, it feels like you have a death wish at times, the same thing with your mom. For sure. And you read these accounts, which again, are so beautifully written, and then you intersperse that by jumping around with, you show up on the set

to shoot the Goonies. And so there's this crazy world that you're living in where you feel like, oh, he's a ranch hand. He's not even a ranch hand. He's someone who has to work his way up to being a ranch hand. That's how it feels sometimes. And then suddenly you time travel,

you're on the set of The Goonies and you feel like this is weird. I don't know what this is, this make believe world that I'm in. This seems kind of fun, but- But not even close to as surreal as my world. Yes, yes. Your world is much more surreal-

Totally. Than showing up and making the Goonies with Steven Spielberg and Richard Donner. Like with, and by the way, I have to step outside this conversation for one second and tell you that Sonoma Sessian's Citizen Kane is the Goonies. And I witnessed this firsthand because this is true

for an entire generation. I shoot this travel show and I was not long ago in New Zealand and I'm in New Zealand and I see a kind of a familiar face way across the way in this strange hotel we're in, and she starts coming closer to me and she goes, Conan, hi, and I go, hi, I can't see quite who it is, and she gets closer and I realize,

oh, it's Martha Plimpton. No way. Martha Plimpton's in New Zealand, she's there to shoot something, she sits at our table, holds court, is lovely, fantastic, really funny. My crew is all women, three women, two cameras and sound. They are shaking, shaking.

And I'm- Because she's in the- And the thing is, I kept thinking, yeah, Martha Plimpton, she's great, but shaking? You know, you never shook when you met me. Why are they shaking? Is, you guys have a, is there a tremor going around? And at the end of the night, they

went, can we just please, please, please, please, Martha, can we just please get a picture with you? And then after they get the picture, they're practically crying and hugging each other that they got up. And I said to them, what? And they said the Goonies. Yep. Right?

Oh yeah. Matt too. It's not just me. It's true. Formative. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And you do whole- Movie of my life.

You do whole monologues to me about Troy's bucket. Well, yes, of course. It's the most inspirational monologue ever, yes. There've been times, because Sonia's been with me for a long time, and there've been times where I've been, and we've been all over the place. And I'm not kidding, there were times where I was on tour

and it was right after the Tonight Show fiasco and I'm down and out and I'm like, man, I gotta salvage my career. And you would start- It's their time. You would say Conan- Up there. It's their time, up there, it's your time.

And he went, what are you talking about? And she went, it's not your time. Troy, it's our time. It's our time. And I'm like, Sona, what is this? And everyone around her was like, she's right, it's Troy's bucket. I'm like, what the fuck are you people talking about?

I'm 87, what the fuck are you people talking about? I'm 87 years old. Oh my God. Dude, buddy, honestly, it's like if you did a Freud quote, if you did some other quote, you'd be like, wow. But because it's the Goonies, it has this reference of like, cute. No, but for a whole generation, it is wow. No, no, no, no, dude. For like three generations. I don't know how many, are you my age?

I am 98 years old. Yeah, I know. So you are, we're the same age. I fought in World War II. Oh, did you? I am 61. You're 61, 56. I'm older than you, okay.

Well, let's rub it in. Yeah, 61, you look so good. Thank you, I've had a ton of work done. Have you? Do you get filler, honestly? I get no filler. I do. And you know what? Really?

Yeah, my lips. No. No, I have no idea. I love how you just look at my lips. We all looked at you. Let's see those guys. Dude, can you imagine somebody like me getting filler? No.

As he sits cross-legged on the chair, by the way. Look at this. This is great. We all just stared at your lips. Josh, you know what's amazing? No one would ever believe that I would get filler Josh. We all just stared at your lips. Josh, you know what's amazing? No one would ever believe that I would get filler in my lips because I have no lips.

Yeah, it's okay. My mouth is a slit. It's a gash in my face. You do have great cheekbones. You do have great cheekbones. And you would look amazing with bigger lips. I suggest that you do filler. I'm gonna do it.

Yes, sir. You know what I should do? I should get- I don't think it's a bad thing. I know there can be reactions, but even you, because you have no lips, if it reacted poorly, it would still look good. So even if I got a bad swelling, it would give me something.

It's so mean. Josh, you could have said something like, no, no, you look fine, but you went, no, even you. No, because everybody says this. This is not a perpetual red carpet you are not a fucking celebrity I thought this was my time there you just brought it around this is not their time this is our time I remember voice control I remember Steve Anton said,

what was it, what was Carrie's name, Andy? Yeah. Andy! Like it's the worst voice control of any actor until I did my next movie, which was Thrashing, that when I was in the premiere and I saw that movie, a movie that I don't talk shit about anymore, but I did for years, when I saw it,

and my name was Chrissy that I yelled out, and she walked out of my trailer and I go, Chrissy! And I was like, oh my God, you suck so bad. You're actually hurting people. Acting is supposed to bring joy, and you're bringing shit. to bring joy in your bringing. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I always go back to the one in Wall Street. What? Charlie Sheen is on an elevator with his father and Martin Sheen, they're having this big argument and Martin Sheen's line is, I don't measure a man's worth by the size of his wallet' is what he's supposed to yell at him.

I adore Martin Sheen. He's one of my all time favorites and a lovely man, but his line reading was, "'At least I don't measure a man's worth by the size of his wallet!' And- It was a Pacino moment. Yeah, it's the gimme all you got. Yeah, and- That's moment in here. Yeah, yeah.

It's the give me all you got. Yeah, and it... That's what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what it is. But anyway, every actor has those. By the way, have you heard that story, give me all you got, and he was like, you know, we had planned that he was on cocaine.

Yes. And you go, thank God that wasn't just you. Oh, I think that was retroactively put in to make sense of what he should do. And explain this. Explain for people who don't know. Yeah, there's a scene in Heat where he's interrogating a source. But the best part is he's clearly improvising

because when he says, Give me all your God! The other guy, the look on his face is so real, like he's looking to Michael Mann going, are we gonna use this? Yeah, right. I know. If it works, because he's like, Vincent Hanna's too scary.

And you know what you do when you get to that point, I've been to that place, I've been in that place, and you do it twice. Give me all you got! Give me all you got! It's like, please cut. That's what he's saying. Please cut the film.

Don't let this happen. I'm an actor, I can't stop. And he's one of my all time- I think in the same one, he says, she's got a great ass! That's what I mean. And then he slaps the table. And he slaps the table. And the thing is, he says, she's got a great ass. That's what I mean. And then he slaps the table. And the thing is, the thing about Pacino

who sat in that chair, not- And had a great ass. And had a great ass, he sat- Hey! Yes! One of the greats. He is, I mean, God, but he can get away with anything. Anything, because he's Al, but yeah, accept that.

That was wrong. That was wrong. That was a perfect movie. And he fucked it up, or Michael Mann fucked it up. And I'm saying that from a fellow actor, I've spoken with him, not that I've told him, hey, why'd you fuck up me? But he's one of the great, I mean, Dog Day Afternoon to me

is like one of the greatest films of all time that I've probably seen 30 times. And it's just, I mean, truly one of the greatest. When I heard him back, I was on a plane and I heard him back there, ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever it was. It was like Tom Waits version of this. And I couldn't, it's one of the few people I couldn't come up to.

I was so in awe. And he came up to me and he said, I'm a big fan. And I was like, wow, that's a moment I'll never forget. I was so in awe. Me too. And he came up to me and he said, I'm a big fan. And I was like, wow. Yeah. That's a moment I'll never forget. He's the godfather. Yeah. Did he say he was a fan of yours?

No, not a fan. He went out of it. He kinda did that. No, no, no. He likes you. He went way out of his way to say, not a fan. No, no, he was very sweet to me. And I've run into him a couple of times

and he has been enormously kind and sweet to me. Can we just revisit this really quick before you move on? And I know I say this a couple of times and he has been enormously kind and sweet to me. Can we just revisit this really quick before you move on? And I know I say this every time I see you, but I used to see you on the street in New York. You know this. Upper West Side. Upper West Side, but not in the park. No, Upper West Side, I would see you on the street

and you would always avoid me. And that's the truth. Yeah. You would always avoid me. I did, yeah. You'd always look at me, you'd have your dogs. Yeah, dogs. I was totally- One dog. One dog? Yeah. Oh. I imagined many dogs. Yeah, dogs. I was totally- One dog. One dog? Yeah.

I imagined many dogs. Well, I had a paper mache dog. I imagined scary. I wanted people to think I had two dogs. Really? So I had a real dog and then I had a paper mache dog. But I do, I always remember seeing you, recognizing you, and then you would look up,

and then basically it was your version of stay away from me. Yeah. Yeah, I was very anti-goony back then. No, you didn't know I was from the goonies. You just thought I was some weird street urchin that needed cocaine and you looked like a dealer. You were swinging a hatchet, I will say that. He looked like a dealer?

Yeah, no, I'm just saying. That's probably what I thought then. Hey man, you holding? You holding? Aren't you Conan O'Brien? Man, no? Okay. As everyone will tell you, I'm notoriously unfriendly

when you meet me on the street, notoriously. But yeah, I dipped out for that Goonies moment. We have another connection, which is, because you mentioned this a lot in your book, and you tell this great story, but the set where we shot our show, our TBS show for 10 years, was the set where they shot the Goonies on Warner Brothers.

Oh, really? Yes. Oh, no way. And so I know you tell this great story where the director, Donner, and I think Spielberg, they wanted it to be a surprise when you guys come out of the water and see the ship for the first time.

So they had you all go underwater with your eyes closed backwards and then turn underwater. With an underwater speaker that was saying, we'll tell you when to come up. When to come up. And they wanted your honest reactions to seeing this massive galleon that they had built for the first time.

Which was real. And speak about screwing things up. What did you do? I came up, they said, go. And I heard everybody else coming up, so I was late. So I wasn't thinking. I came up, I looked at it. I turned around, I looked at it and I went, fuck.

And Donner goes, what? I go, sorry, sorry. He goes, go back under, go back under. This is a G movie. And also you can't do that again. You can't see it for the first time again. That's what I'm saying, go back under. I ruined the whole thing.

And again, like when we go back and talking about this book is that you go, oh, we're hiring Jim Brolin's son or whatever, he auditioned six times. And I was, I was right for that part. He auditioned six times and I was, I was right for that part. I look at it objectively and I go, I was right. I look like a jock, I look like the Sean Astin. But the truth of the matter is,

is they were hiring a Cito Rat. They were hiring a guy who was already doing, have done a lot, I'd already been to jail two times. So, you know, when I go up and say, fuck, it's organic. It's not like, oh my God, fuck, that's so big! It's so hard being an actor's son! Anyway, I was going to show you, I keep reaching for this, and I'm going to show you, keep talking, and I'll show you. All right.

Well, anyway, this is a podcast, see? And I'll just keep reaching for this and I'm gonna show you, keep talking and I'll show you. All right, well anyway, this is a podcast, see? And I'll just keep talking while the guy I'm interviewing isn't paying attention. No, no, no, no. That's not how this works! All right, man. What am I supposed to do? This is, I don't know, this is a picture of me,

it's my mother, JB is a kid. It's me in my crib with a mountain lion. What? Holy shit. There you go. Let me see, oh my God, that is. Me in my crib with a mountain lion Let me see oh my god that is and it's not a cub it is an adolescent mountain lion And that's that's your mom putting it in that's my mom taking the picture look at the camera I'm like, I'm not I'm not taking my eyes off the mountain lion I'm not looking at the camera like you and Melanie Griff and Melanie Griffith, didn't her, Tippi Hedren? They knew each other, they did know each other. They grew up on a like farm with all these lions and everything.

There's a, and if you look at the face, it will tell you everything. Not that I was beaten, that's what it is growing up with wild animals. Because you're constantly getting That's it, you're getting mauled. Claude in the face. But also, there are-

Puff bites, my mom called them. What's interesting about this- I love bites. Anyway. Josh, in the book you jump between the sort of iconic Hollywood experiences where it's you and Sean Penn and you're meeting Robert De Niro for the first time

and you had this great thing, you're such a wise, you've never met De Niro before, he sits down at the table and you say- I don't mean to be, it's like even joking around with you, like I'm in this thing right now, it's say- I don't mean to be, it's like even joking around with you, like I'm in this thing right now, it's like, I don't mean to be mean. There's like people that I like, Colbert, you,

where I get along with really well. And then I know I do that thing. And I don't mean to. Which is what, no, but I'm- It's just what I grew up with. We all kind of poke each other. Trust me, I- You know what I mean?

I drink from that well exclusively. It's called growing up with brothers and sisters and we're always constantly cuffing each other and all we do is talk shit at each other around here. That's trust, that's family. To me, that's family. Not everybody gets that. That's why when I go to Italy, everybody's like that.

And I was like, oh wow, I was just born in the wrong country. Yeah. Like everybody, even the grandmother is like, what the fuck you looking at? I'm like, what? But it's funny is you have these, you have these. You jump.

Actively trying to ruin my career. You jump, you jump from these moments where you're telling really funny stories about these, you know, like hanging out with Brando and Travolta and like these great stories. But then the next chapter, you'll jump back in time and it's you, it's four in the morning and it's your job to feed like 75 horses.

Cause there's connective tissue there somewhere and it's not linear because what is linear? It's, you know, I was saying this this morning. I was saying the whole point of the book is that it's this kind of, it's a collective, like I love the idea of groups of people being able to lean on each other. And if you don't have the same beliefs,

it's a messy fucking life, man. It's all over the place. It's all made up of moments. This whole idea of trajectory and like I did the Goonies and then I did Thrash and then I worked with, then I did Highway to Heaven. It's like, yeah, okay, but what were you thinking? What were you this? What was the messiness?

How did you become who you are at this point? And then, you know what I mean? It's way more interesting to me to get into the non-linear kind of reactions off. You have De Niro in front of you and you look at him, like, I don't, I'm sure it was the wine, but I was like, look at your face, man. And he goes, what?

And I was like, you just got a fucking face. Look at your face. Has anybody ever told you, like have you ever thought about, I know you run a motel or a hotel or whatever it is, but you thought about acting? Now did he laugh? No, and then I hear Sean go, dude, shut the fuck up.

No, he didn't laugh, but he laugh? No, and then I hear Sean go, dude, shut the fuck up. No, he didn't laugh, but he was like, what? You talking to me? What? Yeah, yeah. What? And I was like, your face, the way you're sitting in that chair, it's just so kind of celebrity.

But why not? We're in this life once. No, but you said it before, and it's like, and I don't mean to make it morbid or anything, but you said death wish. It was never a death wish. I never had a death wish. It was a vivid wish.

I just wanted things. Maybe it was the LSD I took at 13. I don't know, but it was like, I just wanted, my mom was that. She just wanted it heightened. You talk about these experiences where you would go with your mom. You're a kid, she would go to a restaurant

and it's just the two of you, and then she would start making her move to connect with a guy there, and you knew what was happening and you'd go out in the parking lot and go look for rattlesnakes by yourself while your mom cozied up with someone. Yeah, but she wasn't, you know, she wasn't, and I would say this if she was,

she wasn't particularly sexual. Again, it was more about whatever the event was. Like, she went into a restaurant, it was very rare my mom didn't end up in the kitchen. Yes, yeah. You know, and my mom cooked every day, whether there was somebody on the ranch or not, she cooked every day and then she'd put it

on somebody's fence post. So she cooked all the time and I have all those recipes. I have a whole wall full of recipes that are all handwritten and all that. So it's very cool. But the truth of the matter is, is that she was a big drinker. She would go out, she was loud, she was masculine.

If she wanted to kiss you, there's nothing that would stop her from doing that. She would grab you, she would pull you across the table, and then she'd give you a kiss. And then something else would come up, you know? Somebody would bark, and then she'd look over, and you know what I mean? It was like a high-pitched whistle dog thing.

She just wanted to be in the nucleus of everything of what was most heightened and most interesting, without knowing why. And she was always like that. She would tell me that her parents were super sweet parents, teachers, really smart, most interesting without knowing why. Right. And she was always like that. She would tell me that her parents were super sweet parents, teachers, really smart, Corpus Christi Texas, and that she was always sneaking out of the house. She was always causing trouble.

She always had animals in her garage that she was hiding. She was just that in an organic way. And I don't have it in the book. She ended up, she ran away from home when she was 19. The first people she met were Clint and Maggie Eastwood. Right? So that's who, before Clint did Raw Hire or any of that, they kind of took her under their wing.

She hung out in Hollywood. She grew up Baptist, very strict. She started sleeping with all these guys, married men and all that. She kind of went crazy. Took a bunch of pills, got in a car, started hitting a bunch of park cars, ended up in Camarillo State Hospital. Three and a half weeks, they assessed her. Three and a half weeks later, they said,

look, she's not crazy, she just had a moment. They go to Camarillo State Hospital to pick her up and she doesn't want to leave. She goes, I like it here. It's fun. And she had become friends with a lady. I mean, again, this is super morbid, but the lady who had hacked up her whole family

and hadn't talked for 12 years. And I can see it right now, probably sat next to her and said, I don't understand why you're not talking. Do you not talk at all? Do you have a voice or do you have this? And the girl finally said, candy. And it was like a whole breakthrough. So your mom broke through this woman

who wasn't talking to anybody. Out of total annoyance, I'm sure. Yeah, yeah. Would you please shut up and I'll tell you exactly who I hacked up and why. Totally, totally. But you know, I don't tell that story because there's no need to tell that story

because it has that in the fabric of each story. And you can see that for me in my life, it's hard to tell those stories when you're promoting a book because who the fuck wants to read about that? But at the same time you go, that's normal, man. That's normal for us. What you clearly inherited from your mom, as you said, is this need that you wanted,

and it's in all these stories you tell throughout your childhood and through a chunk of your adulthood, you need the dials turned up all the way. You need that. That's just something that you insist upon. And so if that means, whatever that means, that's what you're gonna do. Whatever that means.

And then you go, why would I be an actor? I had no interest in being an actor. Like my dad's profession didn't interest me in the least. There was nothing that kind of drew me toward like, what do you do? And wow, you do the thing. And it was nothing. And I did, I took a theater class because there was like underwater basket weaving in theater.

And I was like, well, I'll do the theater. And this woman had me get up on stage. It was the first one she chose. Get up on stage, create a character, any character you want. How does he look? How does he feel? Where is he from?

How does he this? Now as the house, Where is he from? How does he this? Now as the house, we're gonna ask you questions and you answer as the character. And as I was, I was like a balding middle-aged guy from Brooklyn or something, I don't know, whatever I came up with in my head. And as I was answering in humor, once people started laughing at my answers,

it just clicked. I was like, this is it. This is heightened. This is me able to resort to my answers, it just clicked. I was like, this is it, this is heightened. This is me able to resort to my imagination, which is far more interesting than my reality. Mm-hmm. I completely relate to being a kid making people laugh. And when people describe, oh, the first time I tried

a drug and I realized that's who I wanna be, that person, that's how I felt. When, oh, these kids at the Baldwin School, tried a drug and I realized that's who I want to be, that person, that's how I felt. When, oh, these kids at the Baldwin School, the K through three school are laughing at some nonsense I'm doing. And I'm like, what is this? What is this?

I gotta have more of this. And I don't care who I hurt. There's a lot of beauty in the book. There's a lot of darkness in the book. You grew up with this group, this pack of kids. And there's one quote that I circled, the group of guys they grew up with, 37 of them are dead. 36.

I got some bad news for you. Oh, Jesus. Jesus, my God. Wow. I just got a word. You actually just did. I just got word five minutes ago. And it's you. No, it's not you. And it's you. Yeah.

No, it's not you, but it's your friend Spencer. And it was totally his- See, now your family. Yeah. Now your family. It was a ballooning accident. I appreciate you. No, okay, what's that?

I thought it said 37, but okay, 36. 36, 36 out of 50. And there's by the way, still people that when I talk about it, they go, hey, tell Brolin I'm not but okay, 36. 36 out of 50. And there's, by the way, still people that when I talk about it, they go, hey, tell Brolin I'm not fucking dead, man. You know what I mean? Right, I'm just laying low.

It was, yeah, it was the punk rock. It was punk rock. It was the heroin epidemic. It was all that. A lot of people died. You, this stuck out to me. You were given your first motorcycle when you were four years old.

Three and a half. I got bad news for you. No, I'm kidding. Your first certificate is wrong. You were four. I want this to be a recurring thing. I love that you're rewriting my book. I want this to be a recurring thing

where every time Josh corrects me, I got bad news for you. And by the way, you get mad and you shoot back. Yeah. Okay, three and a half and you get a motorcycle? Three and a half. Why are you still here? Indian 20, an Indian 12, you know, Indian 20 I got.

I was three and a half and then two weeks later, I had him take off the training wheels. As you see in my face and all those pictures. Who sanctioned this? Who sanctioned? My dad. My dad. My dad who doesn't ride motorcycles anymore and was never very good. He fell at one point and really fucked up his ankle. But I rode my whole life.

I raced dirt bikes. I got my 80s and that's where I was spoiled. My dad always got me a motorcycle. So I had probably five different motorcycles growing out. And you've done some crazy rides, like through New Zealand? Well, then when I was 19, then I got into the kind of Harley thing. And then from 19 on, so however many years that is,

19 to 56, I ride with a group of guys now, and we go 1200 mile poles and we go to chopper shows and stuff like that. I have a 1937 knucklehead, 1968 shovelhead, 1956 panhead, 1947 knucklehead. Can I just get a very nerdy, which is what about maintenance on those? We're breaking down cut

because we're vintage motorcycles. Yes. So you have to ride with people who can fix them. I'm not good, like admittedly not good. I wish I was better, but I ride Steven. There's several people that we ride with that, you'll see a transmission on a sidewalk. Yeah.

Like a full transmission, and we'll fix it. Whenever I get a chance, I try to ride a vintage motorcycle. And we were shooting something in Thailand and they found this absolutely gorgeous vintage, I think it was a BMW. I could be incorrect about that, but it was like from the early 50s and it was just this bike that you could drool over. I couldn't wait to get on it.

I get on it and my first feeling as I'm riding is, this is fucking terrible. Meaning? Meaning the ride. Oh, yeah, no, I know what you mean. And also, if you don't keep the throttle just right, it's gonna conk out. Oh, yeah, we don't have-

A guy kept having to come out and kick it and take it apart and put it back together again. And I- In order for you just to ride 50 feet for the shot. Just really for 50 feet for the shot. And we ended up getting the shot and it looks amazing. But I kept thinking, this is why I like an automatic transmission. Not an automatic, but I mean.

When you see Hell's Angels or Mongols now, and they're all on nice bikes, they're all on new bikes. I mean, there's guys, true motorcyclists that I know that have super nice bikes that look at us and say, I could never do what you do. Because it's too exposing. It's too, it's just, yeah. I mean, you break down.

There's no front brake. There's sometimes not a back brake. You know, if you're going downhill. You have to throw an anchor. Seriously. Well, in 100 yards, I'm coming for a stop. Grab me, grab me, grab me. But that's why I think even now, and my older kids can attest to this, I have a 36-year-old,

a 31-year-old, a 6-year-old, and a 3-year-old. And my older kids, my son's a great artist, and there's a lot of like electrical towers. And you go, oh, I know that's because he was in the back of the car looking out the window. Like we stayed in motels, we stayed in that. And I do the same thing now. We make, I make it as uncomfortable as I can. We don't, this, I have an absolute like fear of living in nothing but comfort. Sorry for them, but it's just how it is.

There's something, like I said, there's something substantial about the vintage Charlie Davidson's where it's, I wrote about it in the book. They said, write about motorcycles. It's impossible to write about motorcycles. And I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I kept crossing shit out. And finally I said, I can't do it. And the minute I said, I can't do it, I started writing.

And then there was some connection with my mother and being in the back of the car with my mother and then riding motorcycles. Now in those connections and riding through a swarm of bees and all that, you go, that's the deal. The discomfort is the deal. If you have some resilience, I have a massive worry about a lack of resilience. Even with my kids, I look at my three-year-old. My three-year-old's literally the toughest person I know, my girl.

She's just, you can see it in her face. You're like, oh, you're a hundred percent, Pearl. You're gonna be okay. We just gotta keep you from going crazy. But there's this, again, it's character. It's all the stuff that's colorful and lively that I embrace. The other thing that I used to say to my wife

when our kids were little is, let's remember that it's important they be bored. Yes, yes. Because the culture now and the technology is such that there's never a moment where you are bored. And I remember being bored as a kid because- And having to resort to your imagination. Yeah.

Who you are. Yeah, and so I think, do you have that with your kids, Sona? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And it takes a lot of work to just remind yourself that it's okay if they're doing nothing. And then you see them start to resort to their imagination and you realize that's what they should be doing. Do you, I mean, because I sometimes see people

that just give, they give their kid the screen. No, no, no. And they say, you're fine with the screen, I'm gonna go off, I'll be back in six weeks. No. No, man. No, we, we, we. I'm talking about Matt Gorley.

Yeah, Matt does that, but not me. He also gives him a little rum. Yes. Well, that part's true. Yeah, well, I mean, Matt and I both also have three-year-olds too, I mean, it's, it's. Twin? I have twins, he has one, yeah.

Oh, right, you have, okay. Oh, we're not together. No, I got it, I got it. You got what I mean. They're not together. They're not together, I keep trying to get them together, which is creepy, because they each- We are together, I just wanna acknowledge one of the children.

No, I just saw you playing footsies underneath the table and I thought there's something going on. They often just trade shoes underneath the table. So you each have three-year-olds. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And we have a real pistol too, and I know you do as well. Yeah, yeah.

It's a girl. It's a girl and yours? Mine are two know you do as well. Yeah, yeah. It's a girl. It's a girl and yours? Mine are two boys, they're twins. Two boys, wow, wow. They're crazy. It's great though. It is. Even the irritation is great.

I mean, there's a thing right now where they're both going through like, when you get mad, it would be great if you lived in a different house. And I'm not even getting mad. I'm just like, please don't do that. And they're like, can you live in a different house? And I'm not even getting mad. I'm just like, please don't do that. You know, and they're like, can you live in a different house? And I'm like, fuck you, man.

Like they're so I go, I looked at my three year old at one point and I said, is there nothing about me that intimidates you? Yeah. And they just stare. You know what I mean? But there's something. My daughter's so passive aggressive. You speak to her. Hey Glenn, we're getting,

she'll go, we're listening. Oh God, that's the worst, it makes you crazy. It does, and I'm going crazy. I love that you have a little kid who stares at you with a brolling face and is like, hey old man, keep walking. Oh yeah. Keep walking old man.

You don't even know the depths. I kinda do. No, but I'm saying she's saying that in her mind when she looks at me. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're old now. We're the next generation, motherfucker. I'll bury you.

Like literally. Yeah. I'll pour the dirt on your face. I'm not afraid of many people in this lifetime, but my kids, definitely. My 31-year-old daughter who's on tour, she just got off tour, music, she was headlining all over the country,

and she's one girl who I'm absolutely utterly in love with, but who scares the shit out of me. She's the first person in this life that actually scared me. Do you see, it's a very personal question, but do you see your mom's a very personal question, but do you see your mom coming through when somebody- For sure. Yeah.

For sure. In the best way though, you know, my mom was spinning, man. And my mom, and what I don't write about in the book too, they go, God, your mom's so horrible. No, no, no, that is not what comes across in the book. Okay, I'm glad. Not at all. Your mother has her,

your mother is an absolutely fascinating character. She is the thread, she's the propulsion behind a lot of the book. She's clearly a huge propulsion for you through your life. And what you do very beautifully is you talk about her troubles, her struggles, decisions that today some people would question, but you also include a beautiful letter she writes to you

about how proud you can, there is no doubt she loves you. There's no doubt she's proud of you. There's no doubt that she's like Zorba the Greek. She is living every single second. That all comes through. Yeah. There was a moment toward the end of her life and I found like it was an Al-Anon book,

and I still have it, and it had her name in the front that she wrote, handwrote. And I know that there was a thing at the end, she had thought of, what's that show on right now? Chimps or something like that? Oh, Chimp Crazy. Chimp Crazy. And she had thought of a show 30 years ago about like a sitcom of chimps and people

and doing it, like, animatronically or something like that, because she was into the wildlife thing. And somebody took her seriously and said, I want you to develop that show. And she wasn't in the business or anything. It was just somebody that she knew and said, I want you to develop that show in a serious way. And I remember my mother crying.

And she said, I said, what's the matter? And she said, I've never been taken seriously in my life. So she was a freak show. And then you start living up to that freak show. And then interestingly, there's a guy, I remember who it was. There was a guy who said, hey, my friend's coming. He was Canadian.

And he said, my friend's coming into town. Do you wanna go out? And I said, sure. And I went out and I had done something a couple of days before, so I like stopped drinking for a few days and we went out and he said, what can I get you? And I said, water's fine.

And he goes, what do you mean? And I go, I just take a water, I'm not drinking tonight. And he goes, I brought my friend down from Canada. You know, I told her about you. And I go, what do you mean? And he said, you know, it's like, you're gonna have a night. I told her that you're crazy. And I was like, oh, I'm like your fucking clown, man.

I'm like your thing. I'm like you pay the $2, I have the two heads, or I have the thing, and you're gonna experience a Brolin moment, a Brolin night. He's gonna go to jail and you're gonna go home and go, how crazy is that guy, right? And then you're gonna go on with your life. That was when I started to go, jail and you're going to go home and go, how crazy is that guy, right? Right. And then you're going to go on with your life. That was when I started to go, uh-oh.

Yeah. You know, because my mom lived a life of that and I saw right at the end when she was taken seriously at 55 and I'm 56. And strangely enough, this book was never intended to be this book. This book happened organically. I just started writing. I'd look at my journals and I'd go, oh, that's, I remember that moment. And I start writing about it and poorly.

And then this thing formulated into this, all these stories about my mom. And you go, maybe that's, and it happened at 55. What a strange thing. Well, you know, it is, I can't recommend the book enough. And again, when I picked it up, I didn't know what I'd be discovering. And my big takeaway is you have lived for a still,

or a young man, you have lived an incredible life. And your pro style is really striking and great and admirable. And that's something that hit me across the face is you are a very talented writer and you should write more. As a writer, you as a writer, I appreciate that very much, seriously.

Well, I'm a very great writer. Okay, all right. Wait, did I go the wrong way? Why can't you just make a moment normal? Just let it happen. Let him compliment you and then just say hello to him. You said I'm a great, very great writer, which grammatically is so fucked up.

It's just the worst writing possible. It's the worst writing. Me be, I'm not done, very great writer. Oh, just to say thank you. Josh, every time I've encountered you in my life, other than when I used to run away from you on the street, Yeah, yeah, very well. I swear to God, you had a weapon.

You were going through some bad shit at the time. But every time I've talked to you on one of my shows, and today, you are a very honest person who has paid attention in life and you're sharing what you've seen with people and you're very wise and you're hilariously funny and it's a joy. So thank you so much for being here.

Really, yeah. Thanks for having me. Yeah, and I'm gonna come hang with you now for a couple of days if that's cool. That's fine. I don't think it is. Crawl into bed, brother. Crawl into bed, snuggle up. Snuggle up. Snuggle up.

Snuggle up. Snuggle up. Snuggle up. Snuggle up. Snuggle up. Snuggle up. Snuggle up. Snuggle up.

Snuggle up. Snuggle up. Snuggle up. Snuggle up. Snuggle up. Snuggle up. Snuggle up. Snuggle up.

Snuggle up. Snuggle up. Snuggle up. Snuggle up. Snuggle up. Snuggle up. Snuggle up. Snuggle up. Sacks are a wonderful overlord here at the podcast. He's a podcast genius. He's the boy wonder. We owe him our thanks. Great debt of gratitude. That's right. He alerted me of something on Reddit

and the title is, is Conan's podcast using the dick, dork and deer formula? I started wondering if Conan is using a classic radio TV construct known as the dick, dork and deer formula. For those unfamiliar, this is a common structure in big morning radio shows as the dick, dork, and deer formula. For those unfamiliar, this is a common structure in big morning radio shows where the dick plays

the antagonist saying the bold or jerky things. The dork is quirky or socially awkward, creating funny friction. The deer is the heart of the show, keeping things grounded and often echoing what the audience is thinking. I have a theory. We're using the dick, dick, and dick formula.

Three dicks. I have a theory. We're using the dick, dick, and dick from there. Three dicks. Because I think it switches on and off all the time. I know, it's true. I don't think there is a deer here. You know what's amazing is that when you hear that, if I didn't know any better, I'd say,

oh, that makes sense. I'm sure there is a format for these things. People would be stunned by how little thought went into Conan O'Brien needs a friend. It was Adam saying, Conan, you should do a podcast. And I said, huh, well, if I do it, I better have Sona there because that's just, she's in my life, she's my assistant.

And we seem to be really funny together and it's a real connection. And then they said, we need a dick. And they brought Matt Gourley in. A professional dick. A professional dick. You guys are both dorks and dicks. Yes.

You're both dork dicks. Yeah. Yeah. Or dick dorks. I like dork dick. D'corks. D'corks. We're corked dicks.

Yeah. Ready to blow. You are though. I mean, I think we are all definitely dicks. Yes. I think it's a different formula, but I think that is very interesting that that is a formula when I think about it now.

And whatever we've come up with is random. This is a Jackson Pollock painting, except it wasn't even painted by Jackson Pollock. There was a can of paint on the side of the road. It was painted by a dick. Yeah, a car ran over it and splorched a bunch of paint onto a canvas. And that's what this is for better and clearly worse.

Yeah. Right, is that, now you weren't thinking anything like that, were you? Adam, you're allowed to jump in. Now here he comes. He's just, he's unfamiliar with the format, so he's sitting 50 feet away. Is this mic on? Yep.

The headphones are not on. Okay, wow. So you're the podcast genius. You just, do I speak into this tube? No, the answer is no, I definitely was not thinking that we would, I'd never heard of that dick dork deer thing either. I can see how it makes sense, but no,

that wasn't the thought. The thought was, start with you. You actually said, like, you want some people around you. You needed people to bounce off of. You can't just do this by yourself. Or you could. It would probably be better. Well, you said that you didn't want to do it by yourself. No, what I said was, I don't want it to be too good.

Oh. So let's make sure that Sone is here in Gorley. Remember? You know, like, sort of if something gets too, if a nuclear reactor gets too hot, they put in these rods to cool it of just sort of mediocre stuff. Dick dork. Yeah, real dick dork.

You're dick dorking it big time right now. That's a dick dork move. You're doing a dick dork. Yes, and explaining how- No one dick dorks better than you do. I'm being a dick, and I'm also explaining how a nuclear reactor works. Well, we should give some credit to Jeff Ross, who-

Never. And not Jeff Ross, who- Never. And not Jeff Ross, the roast master general comic. Jeff Ross, my producer of 31 years. Yes, who- 25 of them very capably. He also identified the fact that you and Sona have a great thing and it's really funny, so we should have Sona there.

And I had known Matt for many years at that point, worked with him for many years. And so when we said we wanted the best producer, in my mind, Matt's the best comedy producer there is. I gotta confess something. You had me come into a meeting and Matt was there and we met, we got along great. And you said, well, Matt will be the producer.

At the time, I thought that meant he was, I'm not, this isn't a bit or anything. I thought he was behind a glass case. Me too, to be fair. Producing it, I had no idea that he'd be in the room with us. And when you were in the room with us and talking, I was like, oh, I was surprised. For years, hated it.

Yeah. I mean- I got that sense. Just years, no, no, I'm kidding. No, I was surprised and then immediately saw, oh, this is, no, this is great. This is a triangle. This is triangulation. Cause you, I'm gonna take a second

and be legitimately nice to you. You bring so much great stuff to the podcast and you think differently than I do. Not as quickly, not as... You were so close. Not as, you know... You were just all deer, just a little dork. Not as touched by the gods. Not kissed by the gods.

But you do such an amazing job, and so that was, but that was a complete surprise to me. Same with me because I had no understanding that I was gonna be on Mike. I was just supposed to come on and help develop the pilot, but I do remember one of the first times you engaged gonna be on Mike. I was just supposed to come on and help develop the pilot. But I do remember one of the first times

you engaged with me on Mike, and in true service to this thing, it was a question about Star Wars. So, and you, I think, turned to me as like, what do you think of this? And I had this answer about the prequels or something. I don't remember. Because I didn't even know, you just looked like someone,

I think it was because you were dressed as a Jedi. And I mean, in a child's Jedi costume. The kind that ties around like an apron and just says Jedi on it. Not a good Jedi, not a cosplay Jedi, but an 11 year old going out on Chris, on Halloween Jedi. But I did in the back of my mind think

there was a world where Matt, like Matt would speak more, but the premise was that, yeah, you weren't gonna talk. You were just gonna be the producer. Because I think you like got there to be a microphone out there where I was kind of like, why is there a microphone there? Yeah, and I wanted there to be a microphone in front of you just in case.

And for a while I kept, if you remember this, easily the first 20 episodes, I was hiding your microphone. You were. I'd come in early, I was using a saw, I would saw it off the stand. I know, you didn't know they'd just come off. I didn't know.

Well, sometimes you just duct tape my mouth. That was harder, because you're quick, you're very quick. But then, Blaise comes, stumbles in. Blaise is like, if you're at a campsite and you don't put your food away, Blaise will show up. So, Blaise stumbled in and he was like, like outside the tent. And then he started saying things we thought,

okay, well Blaze here. And then Eduardo. Now, Eduardo designed the studio. Eduardo is the one here who actually knows things. He actually has skill, he's trained, he's talented. And you actually has skill, he's trained, he's talented. And you actually, Matt, you have some actual real world abilities in editing.

I don't do anything. Sona, Jesus. Oh! I'm sorry. But you know the way light can't escape a black hole? I mean, just you don't do anything and it's amazing. It's's amazing. It's absolutely amazing. Does it infuriate you a little bit?

No, I love it. Okay, I'm glad. I love it, I love it. You're right. You are the best at doing nothing. Like you've turned it into a, like not only an art, but like it's gorgeous. You're just always been Sona and it's amazing.

Don't change a thing. Okay. But that's also. Don't change a thing. Okay. But that's also an insult. Oh, huh. But no, I mean, Eduardo is the one who designed the studio, just makes this whole thing hum. You're the maestro. You deserve so much better from me,

except you have to take the occasional shot because you're a human being in the room with me. That's fair. And you have to absorb some of the hate you're a human being in the room with me. That's fair. And you have to absorb some of the hate that was crystallized in Brookline, Massachusetts in the 60s. This is gonna sound corny. I can't take credit for hardly any of it.

I just do what you guys allow me to do. So, you know. I hated that. He's a deer. He's a deer. He's a deer. That's the deer right there. There's three deers over there.

I knew you were gonna give me shit for it, but I have to. No. Should we be more like those like- Fuck you. Okay. Oh, you're gonna do the dick part? Also, we don't have sound effects. And I think all those shows have like a wah-ah, wah-ah,

wah-ah. And then fake fart noises and stuff. Yeah. We use real farts here. We don't use fake fart noises. We can't afford, we couldn't figure that out. We have a fart noises. We can't afford, we couldn't figure that out. We have a fart mic. Fart mic. Sona's always carbo loading before every episode.

Get ready. 900 pounds cans of beans. Give me some beans. Give me some beans. I got work to do. I got work to do. And then Eduardo's always like, you know, there is a fart sound effect.

It's literally on this board. So it was like, that sucks. Yeah. Give me the fart mic. There's just one we have to pass around or we individually mic. Okay, I'm calling it. No, there's one fart mic.

Okay. And then when you feel it, you give a look and then someone's like, it's fart time. Maybe we say it one fart mic. Okay. And then when you feel it, you give a look. Pass me the fart mic. And then someone's like, it's fart time. Maybe we say it's fart time. Sona, to your credit, you're always ready to go. When you feel it. Sona's always ready to go.

I prepare, sir. You are money in the bank. Yes, I do. Yes, I am. All right, I wanna wrap this up, but that's the origin story of how- Oh, God! Wait a minute. That was so juicy!

That sounded like wet corduroy ripping. I know! That did not sound... What is this? That was like a lung being pulled out of someone's chest, Eduardo. Different type of fart. What was that fart?

That's not like anything I've ever heard before. That was someone falling into a trash compactor. That was Aquaman farting. That was a fart. There we go. Ew! All right, all right. No, there's funny farts and the wet farts are not that funny. The first, that one was funny. I know comedy.

Well, we really have turned into a radio drive time show. This is insane. All right, well, avoid the 405. Avoid the 405 and we'll be back with the Whack Pack. Right here on Z5535, Beary, Beary, Beary, boo! Hit the fart. Pfft. Jesus.

That's so pathetic. That's just a dead person. That person's been dead for six weeks. But we're all laughing at the fartarts. Farts are always funny. No, never funny. Oh, God. Oh, God. Conan O'Brien needs a friend, with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian, and Matt Gourley.

Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.

Additional production support by Mars Melnik. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.