Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Quinta Brunson

Episode Date: October 7, 2024

Writer and actress Quinta Brunson feels optimistic about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Quinta sits down with Conan to discuss the wish fulfillment that comes with stories focused on the wealthy, drawing comedy inspiration from the greatest performers alive, and rediscovering herself alongside the success of her hit show Abbott Elementary. Later, Matt Gourley delivers an exposé on the unfolding story of the Pasadena Pee Bandit. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone]. Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan.

Hi, I'm Quinta Brunson. And I feel optimistic about being Conan O'Brien's friend. That's nice. Well, you should feel optimistic. Is that a threat? Why'd you say it like that? You listen to me, Quinta. You listen to me.

I said I felt optimistic. Fall is here, hear the yell. Back to school, ring the bell. Brand new shoes, walk the walk. Hey there, it's Conan O'Brien. Another exciting episode. Ah. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. Changing things up here a little bit.

Joined by Matt Gorley. How are you there, Gorle? I'm good, I'm sorry, I'm finishing up a pretzel. Yeah, all right. And we got our son of a session over here. So can I just say, we've been here in the facility here, the studio, for, I don't know, what would you say, about an hour, doing some other stuff.

And you have applied what looks like a lip gloss, like 40 times. I have to tell you guys. So what's going on? I have, so I'm a chronic lip moisturizer. Yeah, what's that all about? But the thing is, I got a new one, and I was like, this will be nice,

cause it's like a tube, and then it comes off and then I, it tastes so good. I keep licking it off. So you're basically eating it. You're eating it. Sona. Can I see it? Can I take a look at it? Would you hand it to me?

And when you say what you called it when she was putting it on. Oh, well she kept putting it on. And I said, what is that? Say something stupid sauce. Cause you sure are using it a lot. Give me some lip, it's called. We're just giving these people a free plug.

We are. Do you mind if I put it on right now? I promise. I don't mind, I really don't. I have a sore that appears monthly. Ew. But you knew that. Why are you looking at your hand?

Are you gonna put it on your hand? No, okay, on your lip. Yeah. It tastes good, and also, it doesn't stay on that well. I have other stuff that kinda just like stays on. Oh my God, this your lip. Yeah. It tastes good and also it doesn't stay on that well. I have other stuff that kinda just like stays on. Oh my God, this tastes fantastic. That's what I'm saying, I keep eating it. And so, oh!

Oh my God! This is delicious! I'm not kidding, it's delicious. Oh my God. Just keep it. Just keep it. No, I'll give it back to you. It's like he's just sucking on a go-gurt. This is amazing, what's in it? Oh you. It's like he's just sucking on a gogurt. This is amazing. What's in it?

Oh, god. Do not ingest. Oh. Now it's 40% less asbestos. This is incredible. This really does. I see now why you keep applying it, because it's very delicious.

You ever put it on the finger and then use the finger to apply? I don't. No, I just go straight from tube to mouth. But you're putting on a lot. Do you see what I mean? You know why I'm putting on a lot. Do you see what I mean? You know what I'm putting on a lot?

I don't think I've ever moisturized my lips. Not once. Have you ever seen me moisturize my lips in all the years you've known me? Do you moisturize your lips? I always have a chapstick with me. I never do. I don't, Eduardo.

Actually, never do. It's foreign to me. Your lips are so shiny right now. Well, they should be. You know what? Draw attention to the mouth. They always say. I've got two chapsticks with me for some reason. That's just weird, but why?

I don't know if I'm doing something wrong, but Eduardo, back me up on this. I don't participate in that. Yeah, I just think, well, we're in the world. When we evolved from the great ape, he did not moisturize his lips. So then you don't need to use sunscreen? Oh, snap.

That's just, that's cruel. That's going after my disability. That is, that is. But you're, oh my god, you're putting on so much of it. Oh my god, this is disconcerting. But you know what the thing is? I laugh a lot and I smile a lot. If you can see this on video, don't.

Don't. Zoom in. Skip. Help me. Don't. Zoom in. Zoom in. Skip it. Help me. Help me. Oh my God, with your like five o'clock shadow. I'm over moisturized.

God. You should lube up. It feels good. What does it taste like though? Oh, what's that? What does it taste like? Try it. No, no, no. No, no, no, no.

Oh, come on, it's fine. No, listen. The sore I get erupts once. Take it with your fingers. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Come on. No, Eduardo, I'm telling you, I... What do I lick? Just lick it. No, don't lick it. It's for your lips. Just put it on your lips, but then lick your lips. But then it tastes really good. Lick your lips. I mean, it has a tint.

Eduardo, lick your lips. Good. Look at that. What's it taste like? I don't know. I've never used lip balm before. I don't know if this is what it normally tastes like. You know why? This is why Eduardo's never been hired

to do an infomercial. Try this amazing new product. What do you think, Eduardo? I don't really want to try it. No, but Eduardo, it's the amazing new lip balm. Try it on your lips. I'll just put a tiny bit. But Eduardo, doesn't it feel good?

I don't know. I didn't say it was bad, I just, you know. I didn't say it was bad, oh great. You heard it from Eduardo. He didn't say it was bad, I just, you know. I didn't say it was bad, oh great. You heard it from Eduardo, he didn't say it was bad. Call 1-800-555-2525 and get your not so bad lip balm. What is your problem, it's delicious. It is really good. I see now, seriously, you keep it,

and don't worry about whatever sores I may have. I don't, nobody puts it in their mouth. I know, but. It's like, I don't want it after that. Why? What are you afraid of? Be honest. I don't want, your saliva is all over it now. I know, but what do you worry as our money? Well, the visual is forever tied to that too, if you just... I know, have you like, rod, like, deep-throating my chest?

Did you say rod-dogging it? I said rod-dogging it, I was like, that's not the right one. Then I changed it to deep-throating, which is what you were doing with it. I didn't deep-throat it, I know what deep deep throating, which is what you were doing with it. I didn't deep throat it. I know what deep throating is. Well, you definitely filleted it. You blew my chest.

I have never ever filleted a penis that small. That I promise you, that's the Conan guarantee. With the lip gloss. You heard it here. Oh, God. But I promise you, that's the Conan guarantee. With the lip gloss. You heard it here. Oh, God. I've never filleted a penis that small. Let's get the hell out of here.

He has children. He has a family. He lives in the world and he'll pay for what he said. Anyway, yeah, that's good stuff. And I'm glad that you let me try it. And maybe I should- I'm not. Okay, well, it got us a very disturbing visual. All right, let's get this rock rolling, shall we?

My guest today is, what? I'm just looking at you, I'm sorry, I can't. Is it that? I'll wipe it off. It might have a little bit of a tint. It might give a hydrating lip serum. Permanent tint. Permanent tint. Permanent tint will never last for a lifetime.

No, it doesn't have it. All right, please, please. We could use a tint of talent right now. So I'll take care of that. I guess it's an Emmy award winning writer and actress who created the hit ABC series, Abbot Elementary, which you can stream on Hulu. What can I say?

I love her. She is- I love that show and I love her. She's beloved and she deserves all the success that has come her way. I'm thrilled she's here today. Mm-hmm. ["The New York Times"]

Quinta Brunson, welcome. Delighted to have you on the podcast. I'm just all tingly because you, I am. Well, some of that's a stroke. Yeah. Which happens at my age. What is your age? What is?

What is my age? That is such a rude question. It's 61, I'm 61 years old. That's amazing. Did I just? That is, that's so cool. You didn't think, you didn't think man walking. That's why I don I? That is! That's so cool! You didn't think, you didn't think man walking. You didn't think.

That's why I don't like to do, I'm just saying. No, that's so great. Yeah, I love that. That's amazing that someone can live that long. Yeah. Yeah. He's mostly animatronic at this point, so. You didn't see me, they carried me in

and put me in the chair before you walked in. Anyway, sorry. No, but it's funny because I, you're super young. I remembered being your age. And if I met someone who was 60 or 61, I thought, oh my God, I can't believe they, you know, they just stood up from a sitting position.

That's not what she meant. She meant you looked good for me. First of all, I'm not super young. It's relative. Compared to you, yes. But compared to people who are 20, I'm not super young. But I used to watch your show with my sister.

And I was very, very young. That's when I was allowed to come sleep on her floor when I was young. Just like the old late night show. The old late night show. Yeah. And it was a big deal for me and it was very formative for me and so I don't know when you said 61,

I was like thinking about my own age and just watching your show when I was younger. Yep. I think it's super tight that you're 61, not like, like, do you know what I'm saying? No, no, no. Guys. No. Podcast. Do you know what I'm saying? No, no, no. Guys. No.

Podcast. Well, we were talking about it today, your show premiered today. Today is the day that my, is the anniversary of my late night show starting, which is when things really kicked into high gear for me, obviously. That's wild.

And that was 1993. So. 31 years ago. 31 years ago. And. What the fuck? That's 31 years ago. What the fuck? That's crazy. Yeah, I mean, I probably was about 10 when I was allowed to sleep up there. It was a big deal to go, my sisters are much older than me, so it was like the biggest deal that could ever happen to me to go be able to sleep upstairs with them.

And yeah, I was watching your show and I was like, oh, I like this guy. Oh, that's nice. One day I wanna hang out with him, but not till he's much older. Well, you know what's interesting? Let me finish my thought, which is you put the comedy first, which is so important and then put it in the name of something or in allegiance to a cause that was very important to you.

Sometimes people confuse the order and they say, I'm gonna do this important comedy that shines a light on this thing. And they forget to put comedy first. You get it. Your show is so funny and so good. And then I noticed later on, the writing is so good, the performing is so good, your cast is amazing.

But I also love that we have a culture that's obsessed with wealth. And so many shows are about wealth. And it's about incredibly wealthy people who turn into, you know, who are also sexy and fucked up. And I think watching your show was so beautifully refreshing to me because so few people, and it's almost like there's a mandate out there.

A show has to be about super wealthy people. Have you noticed that? Yeah, I think that part of the reason why I was longing to see something like my show, and thank you for all your kind words, that means the world, was because wish fulfillment became the biggest thing, the biggest buy, it was the biggest sell,

and that goes from shows about wealthy people to shows about people who are super stylish, people being sold what they are not in order to keep them in a cycle of I'm not good enough. And I really think it's the same thing as when you see an ad for sunglasses that you can't afford, but that ad is secretly telling you if you don't have these sunglasses, you're not good enough,

so you need to get them. And I felt like all the shows were starting to feel that way. And with Abbott, just going to a point about what you said, I didn't really think about the good cause when I was making it. There was no part of me, in spite of how many people say it, that was like, I wanna make a show that shines a light on teachers.

I really did not give a fuck. It wasn't until the night that it premiered, and we premiered it in front of a group of teachers on the Walt Disney Line, I was like, holy shit, this is about teachers, what if these teachers, I didn't even think about that. To me, it was just a right environment for a television show, for a workplace comedy.

Well, your mom, teacher for many years, I've read in interviews, we said you went there and you're visiting your mom at her elementary school and you looked around and you said, oh, this is a show. Now, as I said before, there are people that think they're being altruistic. Like I need to do a show that's about this important cause

that we all need to think about. And you think, well, no, good art comes from the inspiration first. And you had the inspiration out of you love comedy, you wanted to make a show, you saw this place that would make a great show. And it is a great show and it wouldn't work if you had gone at it the other way.

I don't think so either. And I think it's the same side of the coin of like the people who made Succession. Someone looked at that world and saw a show, and they made a great show. And it was the same approach to Abbott. Now, that show wasn't like altruistic in nature or like shining a light on anything, but I still think most artists and television writers

should do exactly what you said. Like, just you see a good world, make a good show. If whatever happens, happens after that, and you can't really control that part of it. I would have never expected all that came from this... Everything that teachers gain from it, I just did not. A beautiful blessing on the side of just showcasing a world.

Because the other thing is, to me, that world doesn't look bad. That's the world that I'm from. So it was so funny when the show came out and they're like, these underrepresented, these poor, poor, poor children are finally... I was like, they're just regular-ass kids. You know what I mean? They're not that poor.

Regular amount of American poor. It was like, this is... My God, these people are so decrepit and it's beautiful they have the spotlight You're talking about my my mom and you Yeah, oh my god that you would shine a light on this horrible world People, they're so sad. It's not the walking dead. No, really.

It's funny. Yeah, yeah. And that's the stuff you can't do anything about. Some people interpret the art that way and you just kind of live with it. You know what's fun too is there's so much great comedy moments that come out of, we don't have enough scissors. We need to figure out a way to get scissors. And it's not coming from a place of teaching a lesson.

It's coming from, this is great. This is a good comedic moment. And then you can feel whatever you're going to feel after that, which is there is something deeply screwed up about the priorities in our country. These are our schools. And so something is tragically fucked up, but it's coming on the heels of finding all of this

beautiful human comedy, character comedy. Totally. Not sitcom jokes, but character comedy. Have you ever watched King of Queens? Yeah. So there's an episode of that show where they're on strike from IPS where they work, which is UPS, the main character, Doug and his friends.

And ultimately, I imagine when they went in the room, they were just like, what's Doug gonna do without work in author's home, his father-in-law? Like, how is Arthur gonna get on Doug's nerves in this way? And I'm sure that's like what was in the room and on the board, but when I watched as a young girl, it's how I learned about like strikes

and the effectiveness of strikes. And I know, I just know they weren't in that room like let's teach America a lesson. The man to do it is Kevin James. It was just... But I wound up, like, it was my first experience watching something about the need for a strike every now and then. And so I like to approach comedy in that way

of just the most basic comedic situation, the most basic sitcom, one, two, three. And then because of our world though, because of being in a public school, we're not afraid to go to those places where you might learn a lesson. And honestly, it just comes out organically because we have really strong characters and you have characters that are strong with real opinions and real thoughts and backgrounds. You like naturally get to this place of, oh, shit, we'll write ourselves into a lesson like, oh, fuck, damn. OK. Barbara just dropped some knowledge that we didn't plan on her dropping.

But yeah, you know, whatever. Anyway, you know, I really hate this is no, no. What do you what do you hate? I don't know. I was like talking, talking, talking. Is it him? Do we need to get rid of him? No! Am I the problem?

No, I'm gonna be quiet. He's so old, we should get rid of him. Lots of us kids hang out. Phase me out now. I'm only 51. 51? Oh God! What's it like?

You're 51? You look great. You all look great. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! You did not say that to me. I did say that. No, no, you didn't! That's where she was headed.

That's where I was headed. You were headed that way. I was headed. You cut it up. This is bullshit, you did not say that to me. I did say that. No, no, you didn't. That's where she was headed. That's where I was headed there. Oh, you were headed that way. I was headed that way. You cut it up. This is bullshit. You went right to you look great. You were doing a lot of how long has he got? I could see it in your eyes.

You know, which is great. I always think great comedy performers need to have, and I'm saying this because I've never liked my eyes. I think they're, I just don't like my eyes. You have the greatest, I mean, your eyes are- Connor, you really get me, dog. What's that? You really get me.

But it's, no, no, but what I'm saying is, you have, and all my favorite comics through history have these eyes that can do all the work for them. You have these beautiful eyes, but they're also great. They're so, I know I keep doing, I don't know why. We know what eyes are. I'm showing you.

Where are they? I'm being, you know what I'm being? It's so funny. I'm being aspirational. Yeah, it's like, it's not racist, but I'm like, it's like, is it offensive? I'm just trying to save you. I'm like, I don't know how this is gonna be interpreted.

I don't think this is racist. No, it's not, it's not, it's not. This is just me trying to have normal eyes. It's just weird. It's just weird. Yeah, it's just a weird thing to do. Yeah. You know, let's say this one thing.

Cone O'Brien, not racist, but weird. Yeah. Yes. I think that's always been clear. Yeah, I thinkBrien, not racist, but weird. Yes. I think that's always been clear. Yeah, I think that's always been the case. Thank you. Thank you though, I really appreciate that. But you must know, I mean, you have a very beautiful face that's also very expressive.

No, I'm serious. I fucking love it here. But don't you, I mean, jump in. No, I definitely agree. I mean, but also you're being a little hard on yourself because your eyes, you use your eyes a lot throughout comedy. I think it's just a good... I do like beady, like shifty, side to side stuff.

But you affect that change. You have nice eyes. You have really nice eyes. I've always loved you. No, your eyes are gorgeous. And then also, you can, I can't do the little, the things you just did with your face. Like, you can do a impression of things you just did with your face. You can do an impression of what's the old man,

the one who always hits your car if you're in a parking space. Oh, yeah. Whatever. What's his name? There's so much more to him than that, but that's the only story I can think of right now. Is it fictional? No, he's a real man, guys. He smashes people's cars if you-

Come on, guys. He's the old man and he's always like... He's always angry. He's in a bunch of Westerns. He just put out a Western. It wasn't... Clint Eastwood? Clint Eastwood. Oh, okay. You can do like a Clint Eastwood. I love that your generation, I love that your generation refers to Clint Eastwood as who's the angry old man.

No! Yay! I just forget. You're not wrong. You're not wrong. I just forgot all the rest of him real quick. I just forget. You're not wrong. You're not wrong. I just forgot all the rest of him real quick. I love that. That is one of my favorite moments on the podcast. Who's that?

Who's that old man that gets mad if you park in his spot? I'm on the WB lot and it's my constant fear that me or someone else will park in his spot. So that's what is my main relationship to him. Oh, this is so funny. Cause we worked on the WB lot. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And one of my writers, Dion Cole.

Yeah, love Dion Cole. Dion Cole, we hired him as a writer and then he became a performer on the show. And it just, I adore him. We talked to him recently and we were all remembering that he just didn't care. He would park anywhere he wanted on the lot. And he drove a white Bentley.

He drove a white Bentley. Dion? Yeah, Dion. When he was a writer on my show and I'm driving like a Nissan Cressida. And he was a writer and he would roll in in a Bentley. That is so Chicago. I know, in a Bentley. That is so Chicago. I know, oh my God.

That is so funny. It's so funny. Wow. So he would roll in and people were like, my God, Conan got a Bentley. And I'm like, I don't have a Bentley. And it was Dion. I certainly don't have a white bit.

Bruce Willis, he parked in Bruce Willis' spot. He parked in Bruce Willis' spot all the time. He parked in Bruce Willis' spot and he parked, and you know what, they kept telling him, you are banned from the lot. And he'm like, uh-huh. and then he'd come in the next day and park in a different space, and I loved that. I thought that was fantastic. That's hilarious.

So what I'm saying is, you can do what you want. No one's gonna get mad at you. Park in any spot you want. Wait, that wasn't the focus of this. Wait, the focus was, you can do a Clint Eastwood impression, I can't, and also- Because I'm old. Well, no, because of your eyes, because you can do that. I can't do that, I can't and also because I'm well cuz you're no cuz your eyes

I can't do that. I can't just but also I think people should have either Big eyes or a big head and I think when you don't have either I don't really trust you comedically Yeah, I mean that I love that and you have the big head I have the biggest head is what you have to have one or the other. I'm serious. I feel really strongly about that. As my friends, I don't like when, like, what do you, what's your deal? Why are you here?

Especially if you're- Why are you in comedy? Why are you in comedy? Why are you in comedy? I'm opening my eyes wider just to get your acceptance right now. Yeah. You have a good head. You got a good head. No, he's got a small head. Oh, no. Yeah, your head's

kinda small. You could fit six of your heads in my head. Oh, no. Yeah. Well, that's no comment on my head size. My head. You could fit six of your heads in my head. Oh no. Yeah. Well, that's no comment on my head size. My head is a container for several of your heads. Yeah, you're the Russian nesting gull of heads. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You know what I can relate to about, which is, you're one of five, I'm one of six. Yes. And so I come from a big family and we were, I've talked about this a lot, but we were like shoulder to shoulder, we were all born as close together as is biologically possible. And I swear to God that formed who I am. What part are you in the?

I share the middle with my sister, Kate. What do the rest of them do? Murderers. Murderers, teachers. There's some lawyers and teachers. No, actually lawyers, teachers, and then there's like one or two murderers. That's so interesting.

I've found that it's usually the youngest who lines up in entertainment or comedy. Were you the youngest? I'm the youngest. And what's my other concrete proof right now? Some friends you don't know, Nick Kroll. Yeah, I know Nick Kroll. He's the youngest.

And we've talked a lot about that because he's the youngest of like a bigger family. But yeah, I think being a part of a big family 100%, for me, a lot of the comedy trickled down from my parents POV, which was old black and white shows, old, and then, you know, not just black and white, but whatever, Brady Brown shit like that. And then my sisters who were very Conan friends,

Martin, live in color, So they were a wide spectrum. And then my brother under them, well then my oldest brother who was in prison most of my life, but when he write me, he write me, you need to watch Kings of Comedy. Like he would tell me what to watch. And then I had my brother closest to me who was more of the stupid like Ace Ventura,

all of that kind of stuff. All of it just funneled into me. But you know what's interesting? My biggest thing, and I think it's the same thing with musicians is they say a good musician should have big ears, meaning they're not snobs. They, yeah, they love classical music, but they also love R&B, but they'll also listen to rap,

but they'll also listen to show tunes. They find there's good in everything. And I always felt that I got exposed to everything you're talking about, but also Saturday mornings, they would show Bugs Bunny cartoons, Warner Brothers cartoons, which that's where I swear to God,

I learned my timing. Totally. Because the timing is impeccable and they were all made in the 1940s and 50s and they're, you know, beautifully, beautifully, and they were made for adults. They weren't made for kids. Yeah.

The timing on a Roadrunner cartoon is perfect. Yeah. And you learn about pauses and all that stuff. Do you guys ever revisit anything and you like see, oh shit, that's where I got my timing from or where I got my, I don't know, but that happens to me a lot now, watching old cartoons, old shows.

He just passed away, but- Bob Newhart? Yes, and so I revisited Newhart because I used to watch that, the one where he had the Airbnb, Airbnb, oh my God, the B&B. And it's crazy how much Daryl and Daryl and Daryl has a lot to do. You know, how that's in a brain fold of mine.

And I was like, oh, this is so, this was so formative for me and I didn't even know it. There's something, oh, the Will Ferrell Jeopardy sketch. Yes, starting out live. There's like a specific one where I was like, damn, my whole cadence is kind of like ripped from that sketch. But it's not. It's not, yeah.

It's not, you know, it's impossible. There's no such thing. There's not one, I'm gonna use the word artist because I'm just gonna say the word artist. You can say it. But there's not one, I'm gonna use the word artist because I'm just gonna say the word artist. You can say it. But there's not one artist in history who's come from a vacuum. There's no such thing.

Even Farrell and Newhart, they did the same thing. No, and it's interesting, I had the honor of being friendly with Bob Newhart and he was so wonderful to me. I could never understand how I could be in the same room with him. You know, he'd come to my house and I'd think, that's Bob Newhart over there.

It's like, yeah, you invited him to your house. I know, it's crazy. And I'm saying that out loud and he can hear me. It's weird. It's crazy. But watching him and realizing it's the oldest, it's the reactions. The reactions are the beautiful thing. And so all of, there you are growing up

in this family where nobody's in show business. All this stuff is funneling into you. When do you start to think to yourself, wait a minute, maybe I could do this? I needed a little bit of freedom. And I just was talking about this with a friend recently. It felt like coming out saying I wanted to go into comedy. It was, I felt like I was hiding this really, really dirty secret

and I didn't want to acknowledge it. Like I didn't, even when I was 10 and watching Conan, I was like, it was more than just being entertained. It was like, this is fulfilling me in a way that is deeper than what my sisters understand. And that is really unique. Or when you're watching the same movies as other kids, but you're honed in on the specific comedy part.

Like, everybody else was watching some of the cartoons and stuff. Like, I remember Hercules. I didn't get that movie. But there was one funny part to me that I was like, like, the funny parts though, right, guys? Like, no, Hercules is really cool. Listen to those ladies sing. I was like, you know? So, and then in college, because I went to art school, which let me, let my freak flag fly a little bit.

That's when I really got into it. And just, there was also just a comedy renaissance while I was in high school. It was when all the epityle films were coming out. And you know, like Anchorman had come out at that time and that was a big deal to me. And I needed to introduce it to the rest of the school. So I became like the DVD hustler that was like,

here's what you guys need to watch. Like, can I please have movie Friday? First viewing is free. Yeah, literally. I kind of also missed that time of DVDs because it was like a special currency, like giving my DVDs to my friends and being specific about you need to watch Anchorman,

you need to watch Napoleon Dynamite. I got Juno for you, I got this for you. And so then I understood that it was a taste thing and an appreciation. You're like a sommelier, like saying, I think you're gonna like this Pinot Noir, it's from the Piedmont region, I got you taken care of. Literally, and it was like a curation,

which led to a deeper appreciation because then I started looking up, where are all these people coming from? If I'm like them, how did they all get together and get to be funny together? Because that's what I was lacking. I made my classmates laugh, but I was like, I'm not a clown, so I don't want to make you guys laugh

in that way. Like, where do I go to hone in on what I feel, which is a very deep artistic connection to this genre. And so once I found out about Second City, that's when it was really a wrap. I had a boyfriend in Chicago at the time, and I was like, I'm gonna come and stay with you. I'm gonna sneak and go to this place called Second City.

And he was like, he's like, are you at a drugs trip club? I was like, it's a comedy. So. Don't tell anyone. So anyone, and he's like, okay, can we like have sex when you get here? I was like, sure, but I need to. Seriously, he was like, that was his main goal,

was like, what, I don't. Priorities, yeah. Right. But I didn't tell my parents, I snuck on a plane, oh my God, they still don't know how many times I actually snuck to Chicago, I snuck on a plane. Oh my God. They still don't know how many times I actually snuck to Chicago. They just knew I did it once.

So you were not, cause this is the interesting thing. Your mom, as we've established, elementary school teacher. Your dad. Very religious. Very religious. Your dad. Yeah. What does your dad do?

Oh, he managed parking lots. Okay. So this is, you're keeping this a secret. Yeah. At what point do you have to say to them, I got some news for you? I like never did. They still don't know. They're not allowed to have a television.

They can't watch any award shows because you keep winning awards. Ebbett was the first time my mom got it. I sent her the pilot to watch. And she was like, oh, oh, so you're gonna do this, huh? And I was like, yeah, I am. I'm gonna do this, I'm not giving up. I'm not coming back to Philly.

Cause I'd done a couple of things, but she doesn't watch TV like that. So she didn't see, like I did Black Lady Sketch show on HBO. I had done a couple of TV shows, like New Girl and stuff like that, but she wasn't tapped in. And to her, it was still, okay, she's out there having fun. She's gonna come back here and, you know, become a teacher was her dream.

And then she saw Abbott and was like, oh, I get it. Hands off, do your thing. So that was kind of, so it was at 27, took me a long time to kind of actually tell them that I was gonna, I never even told them, I was just like, look at this. It's a major network signal. Look at the thing I made.

Yeah, it's not that hard. You just write and create and star in a show and it wins every award it can possibly win. That's what happens to everybody. Which was the importance of network TV to me because I was doing everything else in the shadows. I had written for an adult swim show, voiced on an adult. That didn't mean anything to my mom and dad.

What about all the stuff you did, social media, all that didn't click with them? Didn't mean anything. Didn't mean anything. I mean, that was very industrious and very successful for you. You were able to, which is, you know, a tool that didn't used to exist.

Right. And I will have younger people come up to me. When I say younger, I mean late fifties. No, I, no, I. Hey, you whippersnapper! You shouldn't be wearing long pants yet. Sorry, my hips hurt. So, no, when younger people come up to me and they say,

well, how do I break in, how do I break in? I say, there's something that you have that didn't exist in my day called the internet, called TikTok. I mean, there's all these ways called YouTube. If this is your passion and your drive, you can start making it. And yes, it's a vast ocean, but I've always maintained that if there is a,

you know, if there's an orchestra, if there's a 900 piece orchestra playing badly, but one person is playing the triangle perfectly, eventually people are gonna go, hey, that triangle. Exactly. You still gotta be tight. You can't, which I think people forgot with the internet.

I think back in the day, there were less stages, I called them to show yourself on, but there was a little bit of quality control on that cause you had to be fucking tight to get on a stage. And like, it makes me miss like show time at the Apollo, because you could get up there, but if you weren't tight, you were getting booed off. Sandman was coming out and getting you off.

How humiliating. Could you imagine? Yeah, first of all. Yes, I can imagine. We watched it. We watched it. But like, Sand men is coming, a room full of black people like,

yeah, I get off the stage. It's so crazy and traumatizing. I just, I think back to it, I'm like, that's so wild. But we maybe could use a little bit of that. I'm like, I think we might need to bring Showtime at the Apollo. We need a good boo every now and then. Yeah.

Good punches in the face. I'm getting off topic, but it connects because I think enough people aren't being punched in the face, because when you see a punch in the face, you have to walk around with a black eye. Yep. And there was shame in that and humility, but then the black eye would heal and then you'd be okay.

And you knew to not do the thing that got you, a black eye, ever again. Right. And I just feel like there's not enough blue in our black eyes. There's a lot out there. It's a lot. There's a lot of content. There was a while there, just like two or three years ago

during the streaming wars where everything was getting green lit. And I would, I've had this experience of driving around LA and I just kept seeing billboards and it was like, it's shows that I've never heard of ever. And it, and then a quote from someone I'd never heard of, if you're not watching Mr. Bibli-Boo, then you're not watching television. You're not watching television. You're not watching shit. Yeah, then fuck you.

Then fuck you. Says, Dirk Milroy from WZBTV.com. You're like, wait. But you'd see hundreds of those. And, uh... Like, it makes me long for the 90s, because it felt like it didn't matter who you are. Everyone had, like, the same cultural...

Everybody knew Friends. Everybody knew Friends. Everybody knew cultural. Everybody knew friends. Everybody knew friends, everybody knew Conan, everybody knew Martin, everybody knew, in living color, everyone knew SNL, everyone knew the president, everyone knew, like just last night I was watching TV with my husband and I had to tell him like who,

he didn't know who Laura Loomer was. He didn't know who, he doesn't know, he's like, it's too many fucking people. Yeah, I know. It's too many people, it's too many different ways to be out of the loop. I have this experience where I'll, when I get up in the morning,

first thing I do is I hit my newsfeed or whatever. And it's, of course, I always wanna know what's going on in the culture, show business. And it's just comicalical because it'll be like, you know Rachel Cron tells Drakz Sizzler, you know I didn't know where I was going. No, but like I didn't know where I was going. I admit I didn't know where I was going. No, but like, people are having beef,

and I don't know what their beef is. Or who they are. Or who they are. Or what beef is. Yeah, or what beef is. And I want you to know that it's not because you're 61 that is happening to everyone. Like, 21-year-olds who run the world

don't know who other 21-year-olds are. There's just too many. That's the word, the term I hear a lot is we're all siloed. who run the world don't know who other 21 year olds are. There's just too many. That's the word, the term I hear a lot is we're all siloed. Yes. That everybody's, here's what I like. And because, and it's this term that I think perfectly identifies what's happening is that humans by nature

do not wanna be challenged like most organisms. We don't wanna be challenged, we wanna be comfortable. So what do we do? We create, now we can create an ecosystem where, okay, I like Abbott Elementary, I also really like this sketch show, I like this, I like this, I like that, I like that. I kinda, I don't, here are my political views

and I get upset when I hear this other person ranting. So I'm gonna create this world where that's all I hear about, is the stuff that I like, and I'm gravity free, I'm constantly nourished, and I'm not challenged, and I think that that has become a problem. I think so too. I don't know if it's bad or good, but it is where we are right now.

And I've felt myself veer into it because it all is so much input that I'm like, let me just build my own little island. Yeah. But I then think as a writer and as an artist and a creator, that's not healthy. Like, I have to take input from the rest of the world in order to make something.

But it's rough out there, I'm not gonna lie. I was on the website, formerly known as Twitter, but I don't have an account anymore. So I was just on it as like a blank user. but I don't have an account anymore. So I was just on it as like a blank user. And the shit I see, it is wild. If you do not curate your own algorithm, the shit you are seeing on there is insane.

And I'm just like, what the fuck? The thing that happened recently with Trump talking about people eating cats and dogs, that had been a right-wing theory for like two weeks at that point. And so when it came out on the debate and everyone was like, what the fuck is he talking about? I'm a great what the fuck is he talking about person,

but he actually was talking about some shit that has been in a zeitgeist for weeks. Yes, it had been out there. Turns out it's not true. I forgot to say that part. Sorry, Sona. I forgot to say that. But Trump said it, so I'm confused.

I was protecting my dog. I was really scared. Sona said what as she was biting into a cat? What? I get it, because my parents are immigrants. Well, yes, and I think that's, I think it. Because my parents are immigrants. Well, yes. And I think that's, I think it's really funny. Yes.

Yes. But yeah, no, but that was an example of it where I was like, guys, he's not, he is crazy, but he's not being crazy right now. This was, he didn't just say that, like this has been going on for two weeks. Well, he's in his silo. Exactly.

He's in his silo, Trump's in his silo. Unfortunately, it's a nuclear silo. But I mean's in his silo, Trump's in his silo. Unfortunately, it's a nuclear silo. But I mean, we all have to be careful because it can happen, again, I always try to find the commonality. Yeah. And there are people that can be in the Harris silo where- Totally.

Oh my God, you know, they can watch her do spectacularly well in a debate and say, well, the election's over, she's gonna win. You're like, no, no, no, see the whole thing. You gotta see the whole picture. You've gotta see the whole thing. And you've gotta, and unfortunately being uncomfortable is a part of being creative,

but it's also part of being human. We have to be uncomfortable. And so many negative things in our society come from, I don't wanna feel uncomfortable. So I'm gonna self-medicate, I'm gonna have this wine, I'm gonna take these pills. Jesus, these are things I do. I was about to say two out of three for me, but.

But I leave room, I leave room. I've been leaving a lot of room to feel lately. Yeah, you have to feel things. Really important, I've been drinking less cause I want to like leave room to feel. And I think, especially when you enter in a new era of your life, which I kind of feel like I'm in, I gotta like feel it.

I have to actually- Let's talk about that for a second, because- Oh, let's not. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah. I wanna ask you a very specific question, which is, you, for a good part of your very young life, were in the experience of aspiring,

I'm gonna try this, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna make this, you're pushing, you're pushing, you're trying, you're pushing. Now you're the boss. Now what's that like? That's just easy, Conan. All right? Easy, easy.

You like it, it comes naturally. I've been just dealing with that a lot recently. Cause Abbott is a toddler now is the way I look at it, where it's like, you know, it's four years old and it's the baby's okay. You know, it knows how to walk, knows how to make its own food, still have to help it sometimes,

but it knows where things are. Can't use a sharp knife, but I can come cut the sandwich for it. That's really how I look at Abbott. Fully functioning toddler. And now I'm like, I've, it's just funny you ask that because I very recently have been, mind you,

I went through the, we've gone through the pandemic, the strikes, like I just, it was a couple of things that happened that I wasn't keeping up with where I was. And then Abbott fortunately had tremendous success after his first season. And so while we were filming our season two, we were, you know, the award shows and blah, blah, blah. But Abbott is like work for me.

I'm there, I'm only not there now because we're on hiatus and for a week, which is something we built in so that I can breathe, but I'm in that writer's room. That's, it's not just like, it's, it is my baby and I'll never make anything like it again because nothing can ever be like this much my baby again. But so then I just started dealing with like, when I've talked to friends of mine who are moms

and their kids are toddlers, it's like, oh shit, the infants grow. You look in the mirror, what the hell happened to me? What the fuck? Because I am now in charge of a lot of people that I love and love working with. But to go from broke artist before Abbott to very much not that, is like, what happened? So I cut my hair off, because I was like, I gotta like,

I gotta feel like myself again. I have to find a world for the version of me to exist from before Abbott and with who I am now, and try to blend them together so that I can hopefully make something, make something new after Abbott. But so I'm just trying to find, and that's what I meant about entering a new era,

is like I gotta feel everything out so I can figure out which parts of me to bring back and which ones are just gone. I think you're gonna find, this is me taking an educated guess, but I think you're going to find that you don't have to go off and think of something in whole cloth out of a complete nothingness in a book. I think you're going to find that you don't have to go off

and think of something in whole cloth out of a complete nothingness in a vacuum. You've started something, so something's happening now and you've put yourself out there. The pot is starting to come to a boil. Other things now you're gonna find you run into things. Do you know what I mean? I wanna be open so that the next,

the energy can, so that the things can come. It's gonna happen. Yeah, I mean it's happening. I feel good, I'm not like, I feel good. No you don't. Yes I do. I think you're in a terrible place. I think you're very depressed. And this is an intervention.

This is an intervention. You know what? We're not even, this isn't even going out on the air. This is- When you asked me that question just now, I was like, did my therapist send you? Like, does she send- No, no, come on in.

I know. Come in. I haven't talked to her in a year. Everyone's here. She's gonna be like, this is how I have to get you. Trap you. God damn it. And you're like, yeah, you're $250 an hour.

Yeah, I appreciate it. So that's not happening. Yeah, no, I think that's true. And I just, I like that you're doing this. This has been a very fulfilling conversation for me. So that's good that you are doing this kind of thing. Well, I'll tell you this. One of the things that I mentioned

before we even went on the air is, what I love now is the opportunity, you know, my wife asked me today, what are you up to? Like, you know, you do something today. And I said, yeah, I'm headed in. And she said, who are you gonna? So angry.

Will you just do one thing? That's my wife. No, she said, what's up today? And I said, I'm going in. And she said, who are you talking to? And I said that I was talking to you. And she was like, oh my God, oh my God. And it's, I'm excited to come to work.

I'm excited to sit down and talk to you. I'm a fan. You're doing something incredibly, you're doing, first and foremost, you're doing really good work. Thank you. But you're also doing something that makes me feel better about where we are, what young people are making. doing something that makes me feel better about where we are, what young people are making. It gets me thinking differently.

It gets me thinking about, and I know this is something that you're very active in. Okay, I give money to a bunch of things. I went to public schools. Let's get on that. Yeah, I love that. I'm saying that, but I'm not gonna really do it. There's this sports car they make. No! Let's get on that. Yeah, I'm saying that but I'm not gonna really do it

There's this sports car they made Guess what it's made of rainforest wood It's eight hundred thousand dollars, but I must have it. It's made of old public schools. Yeah They take books and resources from public schools and they make this car that runs on rainforest leaves. You can do both. You can have that car and throw a quick little... This is the other thing. People are like, I gotta donate all the money to this school. You know these schools could use a quick little $200. They are not asking for a lot.

That's how down bad they are. So anyone listening, you might think that little $15 doesn't make a difference, but it does. It goes such a long way. That's what I love that comes up in the show is so much of your show is about, or there's so much great comedy that comes out of something that's very real. It's sad, but it's also what I love is

the character on your show, the older teacher. Barbara. Yeah, Barbara, she's such, what a great character because you're always saying we need to fix everything and she's saying, if we have to do without, these children will still, she's got this great perspective, which is we will make this work,

but I watch it and I think, oh, they need, like I said, they need scissors, they need a rug for the floor, they need, you know, they need a chair over in the corner. There's so much that I think people think, well, this problem is beyond us. But if every single person said, hey, wait a minute, I can do this.

Sona, I know you're very tight with money, but- Oh, okay. But you- You- So you- Why? What are you talking about? Yeah, Sona, will you pledge right now?

Yeah. Sure, I'll give- Your salary for theona, will you pledge right now? Yeah. Sure, I'll give... Your salary for the next year. Oh, my salary? Yeah. No, I gotta get that car! No, no. That car, it takes existing schools and crushes them down. Honey, you donate, Sona gets you the car.

That's how... Oh, no! Yay! Quit talking! What are you talking about? Well, what's funny What are you talking about? Well, what's funny is you're talking about Barbara, and we were just talking about comedy and everything, but Barbara and Janine are very much built for me. I talked to about 30 Rock off of Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy.

And people don't make that connection, which is great. I don't need them to, but that was the blueprint for me for them because Jack Donaghy is often right. I mean, it was at a time where you could get away with a deeply Republican character like that and it wasn't violent. But then... He's so likable. He was so likable.

I mean, what a good job at that role. And then Liz was right too, but I love when two characters are right. It is my favorite thing in the world. I love it, it's the best. You're a huge 30 Rock fan. Huge 30 Rock fan. You brought it up when we were at, when you,

when I saw you in the green room, we call it the green, it's not green, but anyway, when I saw you in the talent lounge. Yes. It's very nice here, by the way. Very nice. It's an old American Airlines lounge that we purchased. But the first thing you did was asked me a 30 Rock trivia question.

Oh, yeah. I wanted to know what your favorite 30 Rock joke about you was. I have to say, it's funny because you said it and I'm gonna get this wrong and 30 Rock fans can correct me, but there was an episode once, I was only on the show twice.

I know, I think that's hilarious. Yeah, I was only on the show twice. I know, I think that's hilarious. Yeah, I was only on the show once. We talked about you so much. And because I'm her old boyfriend, I'm Liz's former boyfriend. Love it. Aren't you in green screen, by the way? Yeah, and then they green screen me in the last one. Well, Tina came out, she was in LA and we green screened it,

which was sort of part of the meta joke, and of course it was all about, I still haven't lost my virginity at the time, at 50 or whatever it was. But I think my favorite joke might be, and it might've been Tim Conway who did it, but someone runs into Tim Conway and he- Is it mine?

It's my favorite joke. Wait, go ahead, you too. That's mine too. We'll say, do you know it? Wait, do we know it? What I've heard it is- I think we're all thinking of the same thing. I did my show in We'll say it. Do you know it? Wait, do we know it? What I've heard it is, is... I think we're all thinking of the same thing.

I did my show in 30 Rock for 16 years and I would always walk around and I always had a guitar on. Doesn't he say something like... I thought he said something about you being a woman. Like a woman named Conan. Wait, yeah, who is Conan and why is she so sad? Yes, yes.

It fucking kills me. You gave the joke away as you said it. Oh, I'm sorry. Well, I didn't know it was a guitar. I thought you were on a different track. A joke about a woman. No, I think he goes, I ran into a very tall lesbian in the house.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who is Conan in? Who is Conan in? Why is she so sad? It's just a wonderful fucking joke from top to bottom. It's a perfect joke. And then I have to say that because I love that joke so much, it got me saying, people would say to me,

I started doing bits. Oh, that's really cool. I started doing bits where people would say, oh, and maybe they'll see you and they'll go like, yeah, no wonder, who is that old Dutch lady or whatever? And people would laugh really hard and I think, well, I'm just using the 30 Rock joke, but I'm doing it to myself

before someone else can do it to me again. Can do it to you like me. But no, it's a weird, it's not a deep cut, but it's one of those ones you really have had to have had issues in your life and watch those episodes over and over and over and over again. And it just really sticks out

and it starts to stick out how much they talk about you on that show and it's hilarious. It's so funny to me. It's so funny too because my son, who's now 18, but he really got into comedy and really started going down and binge watching all these great shows and we would do it together and then he really started to get into 30 Rock.

And so I started rewatching and a bunch of them were ones I hadn't seen because I was busy going through my own drama. So I'm watching all of this play out, all these Conan jokes come up on 30 Rock and my son's really laughing at my expense. And I'm like kind of sitting there like, I don't know how I feel about this.

It's cool. But man, but anyway, it was a nice way to, so that I reached out to Tina who I don't talk to But anyway, it was a nice way to, so that I reached out to Tina, who I don't talk to all the time, but I do know how to reach out to her, and I just reached out to her and said, Tina, I have now rewatched all of 30 Rock with my son, and good God, the writing is so tight on that show

and it really holds up. It's crazy. And so it was nice to be able to, you know when you have that good feeling about someone and then you realize, wait, I can actually tell them. And that is how I wanna end because having you here today and being able to tell you that what you're doing is really comedically top-notch,

but also beautiful, and that it's just cool to get to sit with you and talk to you. This was like an honor, so thank you. This was an honor for me too. Little 10-year-old Quinta's flipping her shit right now. This is pretty crazy, but I'm happy. Also, if she's 10, that means I'm only 45. Exactly.

You did it. Yes, I did it. Finally. Hey, that means I'm only 45. Exactly. You did it. Yes, I did it. Finally. Hey Quinta, congratulations on everything and always give a holler if we can be of help in any way. I don't even know what that would be. Oh yes, we can do, first of all, we can,

I know I can be of help. You can donate. I can donate. Oh, that's nice guys. Once I get the car first. Well, I'm gonna get two cars because I wanna keep one at my. You could. Get the car first. OK. Well, I'm going to get two cars, because I want to keep one at my. You could buy Dion's car. You used to.

And here's the thing, you could park it anywhere. That is so funny. A white Bentley as a writer is crazy work. That is so funny. Oh, and he totally sat right in the chair. You're in and completely fessed up to it and was laughing. Yeah. Was it leased?

I believe. It had to be leased. I think so. Sorry, this is not. And it was a convertible, too. OK, wait. The focus is I believe. It had to be leased. I think so. Sorry, this is not, let's. And it was a convertible too. Okay, wait, the focus is you were gonna say something nice about donating like something that was really.

Yeah, you cut me off. I'm sorry. You wanna know, did Dion, I'm saying, so if you wanna donate to schools, here's the number. Hold on, did Dion lease? Was it a monthly payment? Can you do that on a fight? Anyway, God bless you. Thanks for being here. All of you.

Yeah. Yeah. And this was really fun. Thanks for having me on. Anyway, yeah, they have porta potties right next to each other. Yep. Yep. And they're reading. And then after a while I'm like, is there poop?

They're like, no, we're working on it. We're trying. And then after a while I realized I'm like, they made a fool out of me. It's two in the morning, yeah. And they've been sitting there for hours. Yeah. But I just thought you at your party would want to know. I used to do that when you were my day-to-day assistant.

I'd say, I have to poop. And you would put me on the toilet. And you'd be like, come with me into the bathroom because I'm scared and I'd sit there while you were. I read a children's book. And then you'd be there for hours and be like, do you have to poop? And I'd be like, oh yes, pretty soon.

So anyway, let's find out what happened to the hungry, hungry alligator. All right, let's go. It's a caterpillar. Well, actually, I think we're already rolling because what I have to tell you guys is related to this. Okay, let's hear it. There's something strange going on in my neighborhood

and it's called Piss Saga. Piss Saga? Yes, I have nothing to do with this. I just want to put it out on the record. Okay, let's paint the picture. Your neighborhood, of course, is in Pasadena. Yeah, and there is an electrical box on the side of the freeway, but it's on a surface street near that little bakery that I love that makes the-

Oh, sure. I know it well. On top of this electrical box for the past two years, someone has been putting bottles labeled human urine on top of this electrical box. What? Yes. Since it's on Google Maps since 2022. I have to shout out my sister-in-law, Sarah.

You guys know Sarah. Yeah. She's been following the Instagram of these two guys, Derek Milton and Grant Yansur, who have been following this whole saga. And it really escalates. And she told me about it, but she didn't realize it's like really close to where I live. And almost every day, there are multiple bottles of urine in like water bottles that say human urine on them.

Is it really urine? Well, this is the thing. Taste it and find out. These guys tested it and it is, and they thought maybe this was a drug drop-off where people are exchanging drug urine for, but they tested the urine and it's drug free. Wait a minute.

Well then. Hold it, hold it. That makes sense because if you want to pass a drug test, you need, you need clean urine, is it possibly that this is a place for people to get that? The other thing is they, they go through this whole journey where they dress like construction workers and put up field cameras that are motion activated to catch this guy or person, whoever it is. They don't know initially if it was like just someone who might be mentally ill or a performance artist or a bear, but then they caught this.

Oh my God. Look at that. That's the pisser. That's the piss artist who's clearly doing some kind of installation. However, is he, is he wearing a stocking over his face? It's like a balaclava. Yeah. Um, does he see the camera there? Cause's like a balaclava, yeah.

Does he see the camera there? Cause it looks like he's looking into the camera. He stole the camera and then went and took the camera to San Diego cause they could follow the GPS on it. He stole the camera. This is- But now get this-

That is the scariest, that's one of the scariest photos I've seen in a long time. It looks a little like you. You know what, Sona, I see it. Yeah. Yeah. This whole thing is, I just wanna confess.

I want this to be over. If I was the piss guy, I would bring it up in a way of like, oh my God, they're trying to catch the piss guy, but I would be the piss guy. Okay, now this is going a level deep because I actually, this is, by the way, this is,

if anyone cares to do it, like a little documentary. Well, it's already happening with these two guys. They're making videos and documenting to the point where I'm starting to suspect they might be the piss guys. But that's the beauty of it. They're really craftily making these fun videos about them going to do this stuff.

So it's, whether it's real or not, it's a beautiful piece of art. It's kind of, it's Banksy with urine. Yeah, it's, it's piss Banksy, yeah. Banksy piss or? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It should be Bankswee, because it's wee wee Banksy. Yeah, guess who just got fired.

I'm sorry. Isn't that funny? How you got, how quickly someone can get fired? Come on, Banks Wee. Banks Wee. Oh, I've done one down, huh? It'd have to be Banks Wee Wee. Okay, well.

Anyway, sorry. Welcome to the podcast that always raises the bar. Banks Pee Pee. Just go pee pee. It doesn't have to be wee wee. Wow, man, you became so animated when we got to the pee pee weei section. Suddenly Sherlock Holmes is like, -"Let's crack on!"

-♪ POPPY LAUGHS So, what's interesting to me is, yes, you raise an interesting point, which is who discovers this to very able documentarians. Exactly. So it could be them. There's, but it continues to unfold. It's still as of the recording of this on September 16th,

just the other day, presumably, the city, who has also contracted a hazmat company to come pick up this urine occasionally. That's your tax dollar at work. I know. They built a little aluminum pyramid on top of this thing so you could not set anything on it. And then I was taking my daughter for a bike ride, I drove by it, the aluminum thing was shattered, and there was like five new bottles of piss on there.

Well, now, whoever's doing this, I mean, because I don't know if it's a crime just to leave urine around, I hope not, because... -♪ PASSADENA LAUGHS, LAUGHTER CONTINUES... -♪ We all do it, but anyways... Wait a minute. Oh, like I'm gonna go all the way to Pasadena to do this? It's littering. What? Littering? No. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Oh no. Oh, like I'm gonna go all the way to Pasadena to do this?

It's littering. What? Littering, no. Just silent G. Oh, rage. But, uh. Oh. Rage.

Oh. If you were a rapper, you'd be hard G. I, uh. That is so stupid. And brilliant at the same time. No, I'm done. Just stupid. But anyway.

God, he's good. Who's speaking? Real stupid. So this is interesting to me that he's now guilty of destroying, you know, city property. If the city did that, these guys that make these videos are so funny and so good. You really should check out their Instagram

because they have them laid out in parts one through six. But guess what? Let's try and get our listeners, if anyone's interested and lives in the area, let's get them on the case. What if the pee guy listens? Hey, stop doing it. No, or tell us why,

because they've also put interview boards like whiteboards and questions for him saying, why are you doing this? This is an art installation, whatever, and the guy won't answer. And it's unfolding as we speak. How does he get there? Okay, so this guy won't answer. Right. And it's unfolding as we speak. How does he get there? He, okay. So this is the crazy part.

It's the 134. He must pull off on the side of the 134 and has to reach over a concrete wall and put it on there. And there's a video of a hand coming down and placing the piss bottles like chess pieces. Like he's very delicately. But they had to catch that picture. They had multiple cameras. Oh. And had multiple cameras. Oh.

And at different times. Yeah. And one of them got stolen, one of them didn't work. Why just pee-pee? Why not, like, poo-poo? Like, why not pee-pee? Hey, Sona. Hey, Sona. Do me a favor. Take a little time out.

They'll just have some apple juice. Take a time out. And when you're ready to join the rest... Why is it just pee? Why isn't it just poop? Why isn't it also poop? Why just pee, I wonder? Don't you wonder? Why do you keep repeating it?

You keep saying the words much more often. Why is it just pee pee and no poo poo? Okay, you've been spending a lot of time with twin boys. We're very young and your vocabulary has shrunk to pee poo, yes and no. Okay, let's go back to the piss saga. Sorry, I apologize for bringing this conversation down. Let's go back to the piss saga.

We were solely urine focused when you took us into the- Number one is fine, number two, it's just not respectable. That's not cool. Oh, okay, I'm respectable. That's not cool. That's not cool. Oh, okay, I'm sorry. That's not cool. All right, everybody was thought of saying that. So anyway, I'm interested to find out,

I'm kind of interested, I'm also thinking, the time and resources that are being spent by both the assailant, we'll call him, and the people who are on his trail, and now we're getting more people involved, and there are real problems in the world, but this is the human mind. We get distracted by these little strange, there's little eddies, little whirling eddies

that distract us from creating a real solar grid that will make us less energy dependent and cut down our need for fossil fuels. But that will never happen because we're on the trail of pee pee man, you know? I know, and Amanda sent me a post on the neighborhood social media app, which is for neighborhoods and stuff about a woman concerned about it saying, here's the email of the city person we need

to all write him and tell them to make the stop to. So it's on the radar of the city now. Is it close to someone's house? Like, is it hurting anybody? You know what? It's very close to Meryl Streep's house. No! Yes.

Oh my god, that's not cool. Yeah. She's one of our, she's probably our best, greatest actor. Oh. I mean, really, think about it. Yeah. She shouldn't be anywhere near a strange urine.

What you're saying is, is not controversial. I know. I just had to take a stand. You know what I'm tired of? I'm tired of people saying Meryl Streep can't act her way out of a paper bag. I know. I just had to take a stand. You know what I'm tired of? I'm tired of people saying Meryl Streep can't act her way out of a paper bag. I'm tired of it.

Yeah. And I won't have, she is the great, probably the greatest actress of her generation. And I don't think Strange Bottles of Urine should be anywhere in the vicinity of someone of that caliber. Unless she is in fact the piss artist. Okay, no, no, we're not doing that. No, no.

It's what I thought. Not doing it. Near her house? No one's catching it. Not doing it. She. That's what I thought. Not doing it. Near her house? No one's catching it? Not doing it. She should have cameras around her house. Not doing it. Yeah, she's the piss artist.

No, don't like it. Not cool. I'm shutting it down. I'm shutting it down and I'm ashamed of both of you. Okay. And I rise because you two fall. Well, this has been a huge waste of time, but it's your fault

because you tuned into this fucking podcast. Yeah, question? of time but it's your fault because you tuned into this fucking podcast. Yeah, question? Where can people see these photos that you're talking about? If people want to see these photos, and who wouldn't, go to the Instagram accounts of Derek Milton and Grant Yen Syrup spelled like the condiment. There's no such condiment as yen syrup. Syrup. But what's the name?

Well, his name is Grant Yen Syrup. But what about the first, the condiment yen syrup? Oh, hello. I'm going to pee my pants. Hello. Guilty. Guilty. Hello. Guilty! Hello? Guilty!

Hello, Wendy's? Wendy's drive-thru person? I've got ketchup, I've got mustard, I've got mayo, there's no yens syrup! What's going on? Alright peace out, Tupac. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

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