Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Summer S’mores with Conan and the Chill Chums Season 4 Episode 4

Episode Date: August 15, 2024

Conan struggles to roast a hot dog while the Chums contend with Sona’s deeply intrusive thoughts.

Solo Stove and Whistle Pig Whiskey have joined forces to introduce Camp Stock, a limited-edition wheat whiskey that's aged in barrels toasted by Solo Stove, the world's favorite fire pit. On the rocks, neat, or in a s'mores old-fashioned, Camp Stock Wheat Whiskey, with its notes of graham cracker, baking spices, and vanilla, is the perfect fireside drink for summer nights. Cheers to whiskey flavored by the flame and savored by the flame. Please remember to pig out responsibly. flavored by the flame and savored by the flame. Please remember to pig out responsibly. This episode of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend

is sponsored by L.L. Bean. Summer's all about getting outside for quality outdoor clothing, gear, and accessories. Turn to L.L. Bean, the expert for over a century. They got camp chairs, campsite organizers, blankets, coolers, glass cap, a stylish, yet durable clothes you need for all types of weather,

including their famous Bean boots. For the best outdoor products, tips, and inspiration, visit llbean.com slash Conan outside together since 1912. Summer S'mores with Conan and the Chill Chums, a six-part series with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian, and Matt Gourley. Let's get started. Episode four, Summer S'mores, Alta Dina. It's hot dog time.

All right. We're gonna roast some weenies, I think they're called. Yeah. These are, by the way, handsome roasting tongs. What are they called? Spears? Tines? Skewers? Skewers? Skewers? Yeah, skewer. That's the word. Take this guy.

Okay, thank you. Thank you. Roasting some hot dogs here and we're roasting them over. I've never roasted a hot dog over a fire. You haven't? No. And you don't get a real Christmas tree? Okay.

She's roasted fake hot dogs. Now the principle, correct me if I'm wrong, a hot dog is already cooked, right? Right. So this is all, is it just aesthetic or is it for flavor? That's a good question. I guess it's just for flavor. Why is this fun for people who are listening?

Sona, you clearly don't understand what podcasts are all about. My life has been podcasting. Oh, okay. And I think people love hearing us have experiences. I think they like having a glimpse at the real life of us getting real, you know? Is this us getting real? Yeah, we're getting real.

What about, what's that? SSR, what is it when, what noises? ASMR? ASMR. ASMR. I was thinking of a supersonic jet. Yes, people may like hearing us eat a hot dog. I don't think- Might be a sensual experience. I don't think very many people like hearing others eat stuff.

No, not on my- I think they like, you know, I watched a video today of someone with long nails touching like some food. Here. Like mukbang? I'm gonna toast my bun a bit. Why are you laughing so hard? Tanisha, what did I say?

Because of the f- because it was so random? Because I took a long time to just think of the word food? That's dumb. Are you guys done already? I'm trying to cook my... I have now put the whole hot dog and bun... It's gonna catch fire. Will it?

I just want it to toast up a bit. I like a toasty bun. I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm- whole hot dog and bun. It's gonna catch fire. Will it? I just want it to toast up a bit. I'm with you. I like a toasty bun. I'm with you, I wanna toast my bun. I think what I'm doing is kind of actually innovative. Let me explain. At home, I think I've taken the two prongs of the skewer

and I wedged the hot dog in between. Yes! The hot dog fell right out! Oh, yes! Couldn't have timed it better. The hot dog. Please explain what happened, sir. The hot dog slipped right into the flames

as I was congratulating myself. Oh my god, that was amazing. And you know my favorite thing is? My favorite thing is for things to go awry as someone is congratulating themselves. Yeah. It's the best. Oh, look! The rest of the bun just fell apart.

Oh my God. Do you want condiments? Yeah, I do. I'm just going to toast up the last... What's left of my bun, just going to toast that up. Oh God, I love a hot dog. I could try again. Do you guys like hot dogs?

You know what I like? Those street dogs that you can get when you're coming out of a bar or a club and they're out there with the... Oh yeah. Yeah, Eduardo Eduardo's nodding he gets it. What's the street dog? I don't know what that is. They're they're out there they have onions and they're out there. This is uh this is nice. Now I'm gonna get a little sentimental here. Oh. But what year were we in your backyard Gorley? Was that last year or two years ago? Two years ago, right? Yep. And that was nice.

And now we're in Sona's backyard, which makes me think we'll be in my backyard someday. Will you let us go there? Well, I'll have to clear it with security in the area. We're gonna have to zoom in. Whatever, I'll take care of it. This is so hard. I'll have to make calls,

because I have some pretty big deal names live in my neighborhood. And so they can't, you know, if you guys just drove in without clearance, that'd be a whole disaster. You know what I mean? Yeah. Would it? Yeah, I gotta make sure that Joseph Gordon-Levitt's cool

with you guys being in the neighborhood, you know. Chad Michael Murray. Chad Michael Murray. Saul Esposito. I guess gotta make sure that everybody knows that you're coming. He's more of a sound technician, but very well known. Do you need these? The ketchup and the mustard? Just a little mustard, please.

Oh, you want me to put it on there? Ah, fuck. Jesus. It's like you guys have never handled food before. Son, what's your problem? This is hard to do it this way. You're such a train wreck with everything. My God. No, no, just in life. I didn't mean it personally. I meant just every time you try to do anything, it's just a big mess and it's awful. Oh my god. Right there.

That's good. Thank you. Thanks Gertz. You want some ketchup? No, no, you don't do ketchup on a hot dog, that's for sure. Not on my watch. What? No, no ketchup on a hot dog.

What? That's crazy. That goes against the German tradition. Why are you guys nodding? That's not right. It is right. That's not normal. Hot dogs aren't German.

You're thinking like bratwurst. Hot dogs are American. You put ketchup on hot dogs in America, you commie. USA! USA! USA! I don't think we're in the USA right now. I think we left the American, the borders of the United States

about four hours ago. I do love it here,, the borders of the United States about four hours ago. I do love it here and I'm gonna learn, I'm gonna make it my mission to learn more about this place they call Altadena, this magical land. It's lovely out here. What are you gonna learn about? Like the history and stuff? Yeah, and just like when when are you gonna get a postal service? That kind of stuff. I'm just curious, at some point it's the government has to provide postal service here. It's what you pay taxes for. Do you pay taxes? How does it work here government has to provide postal service here. It's what you pay taxes for. Do you pay taxes?

How does it work here? Do I pay taxes? Yeah. Okay, all right, I just didn't know it. So, I mean, we're really out here, but you should look into it because you have a right. You have a right as a citizen to have like a postal truck. Why are you laughing?

Maybe I'm close and you're far. Maybe you're far. Oh, for God's sake, no. Maybe you're far. No, no, I can roll on. I'm close and you're far. Maybe you're far. Oh, for God's sake, no. Maybe you're far. No, no, I can roll on. I'm close. No, no, no. I can lean out my window

and eat some of the best sushi in town. Um, you just admitted pretty much that the only grocery store in Altadena closed three years ago. And you guys have to get, you have to portage a canoe to go and get basic goods. I did forget, I just told you that. I actually did tell you that.

What's the name of the... Is it Baja what? Baja Ranch Market, which was the closest market to us, closed. Well, really the only market. You can drive far and go to another market. Yes, many people can say that. You can be anywhere on the continent and say you can drive far and there will be a market. So your defense of Altadena is crumbling, left and right.

What I'm trying to do is I am your advocate. I am telling you that you have the right to postal service. You should have a working phone. You should have irrigation. Those are things that you should have. You're entitled to them. Well, you don't think we have irrigation up here? Well, what's that thing going on down the road?

When we were driving up the road to get here, we passed over something that looked like an abandoned gully. What's that? What's going on there? I don't know. I think that's just a reservoir. No, it's not a reservoir, because reservoirs have water in them. This looks like... Does anyone know what I'm talking about? On the way up here... Are you talking about the Arroyo?

I'm seeing a lot of nodding. On the way up here, we, David, David, would you get to a microphone please? Do you remember when I commented on it as we passed in that tiny car that you call a car? Yeah, that I risked my life in riding with you, Sid. Okay, okay. David, what did we see on the way up here

just before we got to Sona's house? Yeah. What was it? Describe it. I don't know what it was. It was like a big, remember in, if you watch Parks and Rec, whenever they like fall down into that thing, it was like that. It looks like you're gonna be walking

and you're just gonna like fall into this. Just gonna, you're just gonna go down, down, down. I love your generation. If you need to describe something, you name a random TV show and say, remember that thing in that TV show? It's like that thing. Yeah.

This is the guy that was talking about Jack Lord's hair from Hawaii Five-0. Well, using specifics. I wanted to look like Jack Lord. Specifics, I didn't say, you know that thing that was in that show with the thing? Why do you act like you had it, like you had a choice about what your hair looked like?

I don't think I cooked this hot dog enough. The center, it just doesn't taste right. Are there more hot dogs? And you know what, it's important. We're not doing ads for the hot dogs, right? This is just to create ambiance. I don't like these hot dogs. Oh no, this one's kind of weak ass.

These are LL Bean hot dogs. Yeah, who got the hot dogs? No, no, who got the hot dogs? Did you get these from the closed Baja Fresh supermarket? Because you know what? When they close the supermarket, sometimes they don't throw out all the food. And I have a suspicion that Chalemi broke into a window and went into the long, unrefrigerated, refrigerated section and took hot dogs from the Eisenhower administration.

That one looks less, is that what they always look like? No, this looks different. What happened? Did you change the wieners on us? The first three were microwaved a little bit just to get a pre-cook going. Where were they microwaved? I don't have a microwave. Oh, Raul cooked them in the kitchen.

He did something. I don't have a microwave. He cooked them in the kitchen. What I love, they said we microwaved them and sewed them in his kitchen and so he just said, I don't have a microwave. That means that Rao put them in a shoe box, waited 30 seconds and then took them out of the shoe box.

But these are not, these are just straight from the package. I would just cook them more. I'll just have another one. No, I can't eat another one. Are these like really good grade A hot dogs? This is the real deal. This is like a ballpark. I think you need another wood.

These are the real deal. It's real deal hot dogs or these? This is the real deal. This is like a ballpark. I think you need another wood. These are the real deal. You just want to cook. It's real deal hot dogs. You just want to make sure it's cooked all the way through. Really? Why? Could I get sick? No, you're fine.

I mean, they're cooked. Hot dogs are cooked already. Yeah, that's what I thought. Be sicker. This doesn't taste right on the inside. This just makes them warm. But you're still eating them. There's a piece of jewelry in this.

I love that you're complaining about it, but you're still eating them. There's a piece of jewelry in this. Ha ha ha. I love that you're complaining about it, but you're still eating it. Hey. That's the fun of a hot dog. I grew up in the Depression, meaning my mom was depressed. Aw. And, uh.

Everyone's laughing at that. That's terrible. It was bad at the time, but it's funny now. Uh. Oh, you need more on that, don't you? I don't know. You did it so quickly. I was roasting for a while. I like it the way I like it.

You like a raw weiner. So I think we have to go back to what did Ralph think he was doing when he put the hot dog in a box in your house and waited, what? How do you reheat things in your house? We put them in the toaster oven. Oh, so that's what he did.

But you gotta put them in there for a while. He was in there for a while. It's not like you zap it for like a minute, like a microwave. He was in there for a while. Zap it for like a minute. He was in there for a while Why don't you guys have a microwave? But these are that the ones I just gave you right here are not reheated So you want to we don't do microwaves microwaves are not good. They don't have them in all to do them No, do you think microwaves are unhealthy? No, I think they don't taste good when you reheat stuff with microwaves. They get mushy Oh, I mean what's worse than a mushy pizza from a for that you reheat in a microwave? You can't put a pizza in the

microwave, that's true, but there are many things you can put in a microwave. You could also just reheat it normally and it takes like a minute longer. Okay, um, I guess you win this argument. I do, because you had no response. Yeah. One point for Sona. I won that one. Yeah, take that one point and put it in that big empty jar of points Big empty jar of points. Yeah, the jar has a lot of points in it No, cuz you said it has jar of points. Yeah, how is it empty if it's got a whole jar of points? It's not one again put another one in my jar Clang echo echo echo echo echo echo echo

I go thunk and then that's three points you got in there. All the noise. I'm leaving. There's no more noise, because it just goes thunk, and it hits all the other points that I have. Because all I do is win, win, win, no matter what. I have aqueducts.

I have points that are just in aqueducts. And there's runoffs and channels, and points are just flowing everywhere. There's so many points. Your points never count, because you give yourself points, and those aren't real points everywhere. There's so many points. Your points never count cause you give yourself points and those aren't real points, but the world gives me points. Society gives me points.

No, society's given you. Everybody here gave me those points. They didn't give you any points. I didn't see any point transaction. I have just waterfalls. There's an electric plant that's completely powered. Turbines are turning because my points are shooting through it all the time.

All of Altadena is built with my points. This entire city didn't exist before I moved in. Talk about building a castle upon sand. I mean, this is biblical. If Altadena is built on your points, everyone should flee this jurisdiction immediately. Everyone is living comfortably. That's a terrible place to live. My neighbors are here. They live comfortably. I live comfortably. You know, you won't get home insurance the minute they find out your house is built on your points. I have so many points. You're so jealous. You got no points. You got nothing.

I win all the time. It's like sometimes I'm just like, I'm so tired of winning all the time. You can see my points from space. Why do I lose? Why do I lose? If you're in an orbiter, you can see my points from space. And they're often mistaken for the city of Las Vegas. Because they're so bright and so shiny and so masked. I just, you know what, I just talked to an astronaut and they're like, those aren't real points. But Sona's points are real points.

My points are real points. Your points are fake points you give yourself. It's like when you say something that you think it's a joke and you're like, that was real funny because no one laughed. And then you're like, that was real funny. When I say something's really funny, I'm a professional. That means that's like 11 points right there. I think you're just sad because nobody's laughing, and you're like, I'm just gonna make myself feel better.

I've never said something and not heard laughter, and I don't know what that would sound like. You know what I mean? If I ever say something and there's no laughter, I would probably kill myself immediately. That's how used to laughter I am. I'm so used to laughter that the absence of it would probably cause my heart to liquefy and then explode.

I have not laughed so many say explode and then liquefy I love I not laugh when I not laugh I get when I don't laugh Listen Hulk. It's Hulk. I like you Hulk. You're good Hulk good, but Hulk wrong about points Conan right about points Hulk wrong I think that's a nice sweater. You're going to change the the the subject just for a second. Points points points. Did you? No! No points! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no It would be chillier except we're being warmed by this solo stove, which is very nice. And also these lights, they have these bank lights here because we're also being filmed. It looks a little like when there's a crime scene and they're investigating it at night. You know the way they put those big lights up?

I know! So that the guys can sort of do the forensics during the nighttime. Do you have a little stroll there? Yeah, I went home and took a nap and dreamt I was happy. Oh, and had that go. Well. This episode of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend is sponsored by L.L. Bean.

Summer's all about getting outside for quality outdoor clothing, gear, and accessories. Turn to L.L. Bean, the expert for over a century. They got camp chairs, campsite organizers, blankets, coolers, glass cap, a stylish yet durable clothes you need for all types of weather, including their famous bean boots. For the best outdoor products, tips, and inspiration, visit LLbean.com slash Conan. Outside together since 1912.

Solo Stove and Whistle Pig Whiskey have joined forces to introduce Camp Stock, a limited edition wheat whiskey. It's aged in barrels toasted by Solo Stove, the world's favorite fire pit. On the rocks, neat, or in a s'mores old fashioned, Camp Stock wheat whiskey. With its notes of graham cracker, baking spices and vanilla is the perfect fireside drink for summer nights.

Cheers to whiskey flavored by the flame and savored by the flame. Please remember to pig out responsibly. We've brought back Solo Stove as a sponsor this year because it still feels incredible sitting around a smokeless fire. I really do love these Solo Stoves. I really do too and they're very pretty. Sitting around a Solo Stove fire pit just once, you're going to be hooked for life.

I promise you. Ours is the bonfire model. That's the world's favorite fire pit. All Solo Stove fire pits are so easy to light, portable, come in a variety of sizes and colors, and come with a lifetime warranty. You'll never need another. Start building memories with friends and family around a smokeless fire. Head over to SoloStove.com and use promo code Conan20 to get $20 off your order of $200

or more. This is an exciting evening. We're here in Althadena. Sona's neighbors from down the street. Yeah. They're not your next door neighbors. No, they're two houses down. And they came by. Were these the ones that you told me heard you talking?

Yes. They've heard us before, especially when the boys are crying and stuff. They can hear, because we're allowed. We're allowed people. And sometimes our neighbors can hear us. And sometimes when I'm outside, I hear my family members, like when I'm down the street talking.

Who's the loudest person in your family? I would say my mom, between me and my mom, my mom. If you two, let's say it, I'm sure it doesn't happen often, but let's say you two were to have an argument. It happens all the time. I know, I was being funny. Yeah.

When you two argue, how loud does it get? It gets loud. I mean, imagine how I normally talk and imagine it like amplified and having- I can't imagine it getting louder than what I've heard, but it probably does. Oh yeah, it does. I can amplify.

So it gets loud. You can get loud probably. yeah, it does. Okay. I can amplify. Yeah. So it gets loud. You can get loud probably. Nah, not really. Kind of a quiet mouse. Quiet mouse. Oh my God.

Everyone's laughing. You're not a quiet person. I'm just a guy that keeps to himself. Neighbors are always going to say, he kept to himself, he was a good neighbor. We never knew he was a good neighbor. We never knew he was gonna snap. He's kept his yard real neat. You know, didn't come to any of the social things in the neighborhood, but you know, he's a fine neighbor. So that's me, that's the kind of guy I'd be.

When you first moved into your place, did you wanna make sure everybody knew they were living next door to you? Yeah, first of all, I complained because I was not on the map of the Starz homes. I'm the only celebrity to ever do that. You called them and you were like, guys. I went there.

Oh no. Because they have a stand on Sunset Boulevard. And I said, gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, I think there's a mistake here. And I showed them where I lived. You had a huge Conan sign outside your house like a car dealership, and one of those balloon men. I said, and I told them, I said,

you have the other celebrities that live in my neighborhood, but I'm not represented. And I told them exactly where I lived, and then I expected to see the bus at least five times a day. Yeah, did you wait outside? Well, they first of all kept saying, and what is it you do, and stuff like that. And they said, are you still on TV?

And I said, that's not the point. I said, that is your irrelevant point, young man. You're not to speak back to me. And they were wondering why I was wearing a tuxedo. And yeah, I was upset. I thought I should be part of the tour. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry too.

Yeah, you know, other stars were on the tour. What? What's that sound? That sounds like a horse. That's a horse. That's a horse. A horse just went on the pavement. We have horses that just-

But wait, who's riding a horse? The horse people. Okay. God, you're good. Does that mean a person on a horse or people that are horse people? Like a minotaur? Minotaur.

Centaur. Centaur. Yeah. Wait, you have centaurs? No, no. Do people regularly ride horses up and down the street? Regularly they ride. There's an equestrian center, like not that far. Okay, that makes sense. And they ride horses, just chill up and down the street.

That makes sense. A couple of times there was horse poop in front of my house. Well, if you get horses, you're gonna occasionally get horse poop. Yeah. They go hand in hand. But why isn't it like dogs? Why do we have to clean up dog get horses, you're going to occasionally get horse poop. Yeah. They go hand in hand. But why isn't it like dogs? Why do we have to clean up dog poop? You don't have to clean up horse poop.

It's a funny kind of thing. For some reason, horse manure is less offensive. I don't know why. That's true. But people just feel like, yep, that's just some horse manure, or whatever, big deal. It's poop. It's on the street.

Pick it up. Shovel it. No, you can't. Put it in a bag. I mean, have you seen them? They're huge. You'd have to have a truck driving behind you. No, it's just not feasible.

Look, work on getting a mail system first. And then we'll get the poop off the streets. Okay? Fair? Good deal? No, I'm not gonna agree with you. High five? Thank you for the high five. No, no high five.

I did not high five you. For the record, there was no high five. Don't do that. And high five. Thank you, Sona. That's not how my hand would sound if I high five. I would sound different. Sona, looks like we had a pretty good time. high five. Don't do that. And high five. Thank you, Sona. That's not how my hand would sound if I high fived. Anyway. I would sound different than that.

Sona, it looks like we had a pretty good time. High five. I'm leaving again. No, no, no, stay. Are we filming this just so we can put out a clip of Conan high fiving himself? Oh, can we do something? I don't know how much this is gonna cost,

but I'll pay for it. And when I mean I'll pay for it, I'll get it out of the company somehow. But it's not gonna touch my part. My part? Do some sort of cheap animation where it looks like Sona and I high-fived over this. And I don't care how cheap it is.

Just make it look in a very crude way like Sona high-fived me. Can I ask for another thing? Oh, and use that. Her hand in the air right now. No! No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, use that. I would like a gif of Conan high-fiving himself. And even if my arm bends over a weird angle and doesn't match. I want a gif of this. Conan high-fiving himself like a dork.

Nope. Like an absolute dork. No. Just high-fiving yourself. No, I run this show. No, look, my phone. No one likes you. Everyone loves me.

Loved everywhere. Everyone wants to make you look foolish. Don't be fuelish. Remember that from the 70s? You weren't alive. Not at all. Not at all. During the energy crisis.

Just stop bringing me into this, leave me alone. Don't be fuelish. Do you remember don't be fuelish? Leave me alone, both of you. What does that even mean? During the energy crisis, they didn't want people to waste gasoline, so I remembered there was a thing that said,

don't be fuel-ish. It spelled out fuel. F-U-E-L. F-U-E-L-ish. And they said, don't be fuel-ish. And for some reason, that just popped out of my head, too. I don't know why. I think I'm having a major occlusion in the mind. It's the altitude. It is the altitude. We're up here at...

Do you notice our breath? You can see our breath? Yeah, but why? I thought that was the fire. No, it's the temperature. No, it's not that cold. You know what? I can see my breath. I think it may be the vapor in the air. Oh, the vapor? Or also, Sona had garlic.

Oh. Ha ha ha. You know what's really funny? When I was in your kitchen, oh man, this killed me. And you heard my voice and you said, you want garlic? And I said, do you have any? Like, you wouldn't have garlic. Yeah, that was really funny.

Oh, we had a good laugh. Let's high five. Nobody had a good laugh. Thanks, Sona. Take it. And do that too. No, no, no. Clip it out. Clip it out. Three, the three times you've done it and do it again. Nope, no, no Clip it out three the three times we got it and do it again. Nope. Nope. Okay, loop it Well with cool terminology like that

There's no way they won't listen to you and I'm I have seriously been questioning how my life has brought me to this point I know I'm so sorry girls. I think it's cuz he's in my space and it's there's a different... It is, there's a different energy here. Yeah. You're feeling invaded. Yeah, you're shitting on Alta-Dena. Hey, no, I'm not at all, I'm just mocking it. You know, in a shitty way, it's a very different thing. Hey, I have a question. How weird would it be if, let's say we weren't doing this tonight, okay?

This was never happening, and you were getting ready for bed, and kids are asleep, tax turned in, okay? And you were getting ready for bed, and kids are asleep, tacks turned in, okay? And you look out the window, and you see something, and you look closer, and I'm in your yard, right where I am, sitting in this chair. Oh, no. In the dark, for no reason.

Wait, no. How freaked out would you be? Why is that? It's like Slenderman, right? Why do you think about those things? It's like Michael Myers. Mike Myers, yeah. And I'm just sitting here like this.

That's harrowing. But why are you sitting there? I don't. That Michael Myers. Yeah, and I'm just sitting here like this. That's harrowing. But why are you sitting there? That's the weird thing is I don't know. I'm just sitting here and you're like, what the? And so you freak out, you wake up, tack. He's like, oh, Christodio, Syrivo. Oh my God.

No, no, English, English tack. And he's like, you know, what, what, what? And he rushes to the window and there's no chair and I'm not here. You're gone, yeah. Then he goes back to sleep. You check one more time. No, that's really creepy.

And I'm here smiling just like this. That's so scary. Isn't that scary? That's really scary. What if we thought you, we didn't know it was you and then he took his sword and he stabbed you with it. What sword? Tak has a sword.

You know who else brought a sword today? Blade brought a gigantic sword that he got from the Renaissance Fair. Can we please talk about that for a second? He went to the Renaissance Fair, and he bought a sword. Yeah, he was afraid he one day may have sex. So he quickly went to the Renaissance Fair to make sure that his celibacy would be insured for all time. Why did you bring a sword? Tac is the only other person I know who loves swords as much as I do and so I bought this cool sword so I wanted to show Tak my

cool sword. No one else likes swords! No wait, it's not that we don't. First of all, it's just not much use for them in the modern world, that's all. I think once you have a sword you find a lot of uses for it. Yeah. It's kind of like when you have a tool, you're like, oh, yeah, I could tighten this up. I could tighten this up, you know, slice things. Yeah, instead of using the normal knife, you could use sword. So what kind of sword does Tak have? Tak has like a, it's a more Japanese style sword.

I don't know if it's a katana. I don't know what they're called. I don't know what it's called. He's inside and I could ask him, but I don't know. I don't know, guys. I don't know what kind of sword it He's inside and I could ask him, but I don't I don't know. I don't know guys I don't know kind of sword. Okay, let it go, but it's not like blaze sword blaze sword is like No, so that's yours is a medieval. That's a King Arthur sword. Jesus Christ, and it's sharp And you brought that you brought that just to show no, it's okay. I can see it. That's good Why didn't we roast a weenie with that?

Yeah. That's, you know what I mean? Do you mind me asking how much you paid for that? How much did you pay for it? How much did you pay for it? It was a deal. How much did you pay for it? I paid $380 for it. You're fired.

Because you waste your money on shit. It's a nice sword. Good luck at the pawn shop. I'm sorry, Blair, I just needed to deflect. You were there with a sword. He didn't mean to shame you. But what if we stabbed you because we thought you were an intruder?

That's what I'm talking about. No, this is just one of those things where I sometimes wonder. Just picture you looking out the window. No one's here, there's no reason for me to be here. And I'm just sitting in this chair and I have just a slight enigmatic smile. Ew, I don't like that. Are you lit up like this? Well, I have my natural pale skin that shines like a moon. LAUGHS

I don't even know why you think of these things. I think of these things all the time. Wouldn't that be weird? Things like that are much scarier to me than someone jumping out, hacking at you. Just a cone in your backyard, sitting in a chair, smiling in the night when you don't think you're going to see them. What's more terrifying than that? It's really terrifying.

There honestly is not anything I can think of that is more terrifying than you just sitting in my yard. I really do think that is really terrifying. But I get what you mean when you think about weird things. Like there was the solo stove lighter fluid and it said, do not drink highly flammable. And I was like, what if I just drank it? Sing it out loud.

That's a death wish. I know, I hear it. I hear it. It's not the same as what you were thinking at all. It's not what I was saying. It's terrible, don't do that. Don't drink that. You're the mother of two beautiful boys. Yeah.

Got your whole life ahead of you, don't do that. But what if it's also like, you know when you're on a rooftop bar or something and you're like, I'm just gonna jump off. She's so not. No, no. Holy shit. Am I the only one who thinks these things? The worst I ever do is if I'm watching gonna jump off. Nope, she's so not. No, no. Holy shit. Am I the only one who thinks these things? The worst I ever do is if I'm watching a play,

I go, there's nothing stopping me from walking up on that stage and giving them all wedgies right now. Well, I think your physical strength would stop you. What do you mean? I don't care who was in that play. This was children's theater. If it was a play of old women, they would beat the shit out of you.

You know when we do live shows, sometimes I'm like, I'm gonna say something really bad. You usually do and people laugh. You mean like mistakenly or you kind of want to do it? No, like seriously bad words. Purposely. Like I don't know something, I don't know racist or something.

What? I know, I think about this all the time. But you're not a racist person. I'm not, but I'm just saying like there's so much at stake. What if I say something that's so bad my life is over? Yeah, but no one takes you seriously. No one, no one. No, no, but people just think like,

oh, that goofy sona, you know what I mean? You think they won't take me seriously? Yeah, I think you're safe. I'm fine. Try some right now. Because I'm not a serious person. No, I don't want to. That's the point.

I'm like. You have a good heart. No one thinks it comes. But I'm just saying things that I shouldn't be thinking about. I think about a lot sometimes. And it's... I really... I thought everybody would be like, oh, yeah, I think about jumping off a roof sometimes when I'm at a restaurant. But the fact that no one else thinks that really makes me uncomfortable right now. And I'm feeling a little awkward and vulnerable.

I'm feeling very vulnerable. Child services is on the way. Yeah. It makes me worry. You just admitted your children are sleeping upstairs and you admitted you want to drink lighter fluid and then you want to jump off a roof. Oh my God.

I think you're going to spend a couple of days, they're just going to be away from your kids, that's all. I really thought you guys would help me out with that. I don't know what to say. I'm sitting with a guy who wants to sit in a backyard all night to scare someone. Or a woman who wants to jump off a building and a guy who spent $380 on a sword.

And I don't feel like a normal person, but you guys make me feel so sane. You're very sane. You're not sane. Yeah, he is. No, he's not. You're not a sane person. He's a little eccentric, but he's sane.

But compared to you people, I'm just John Doe guy next door. You people? Sona. Who's racist now? Listen. That's it. That's it.

Oh my god, so what are they killing? Who knows? It could be anything. Are those coyotes? What are those? Coyotes. That's coyotes attacking an old game show host. They're tearing apart Wink Martindale right now. What do you think they're getting?

A cat, it could be a cat. It could be a possum. It could be a raccoon. Don't list all animals in the world. Jesus, you're like the coat check at Noah's Ark. A horse? Unbelievable. A horse?

No, it wouldn't be a horse. Whoa. Oh my God. That is so chilling. Did you hear that, ladies and gentlemen? That was crazy. I hope our mics picked that up. That was fantastic. I don't know. Do we have ambient mics that would pick that up? Yeah.

We have ambient mics? It probably picked that up. I would imagine. That was pretty loud. You know what? It was pretty loud. That was pretty... That's crazy. And you hear that all the time, huh? All the time.

Where's Tac? Is he around when this is happening? Have you ever seen him? What if you find out that Tac was doing it? That's what. And you hear that all the time, huh? All the time. Where's Tac? Is he around when this is happening? Have you ever seen him? What if you find out that Tac was doing it? That's what I mean. Oh, Tac's the guy? What if Tac's a werewolf? What if when he says he's- A wampir.

What if he says, when he says he's going to karate, he's really just going to kill creatures? I think that's an exotic excuse for I'm gonna go out. You just say like, I gotta go to work and check on a few things. No one says I'm going to karate and that there's something weird because karate in and of itself is kind of out there. Well I'm gonna go chop at the air while wearing pajamas. Really I'm up to something kind of kooky. Do you know what I mean?

It makes no sense. That martial art is hundreds of years old and you just tore it down to chopping the air while wearing pajamas. Well, anyway, I'm sorry. I hope- My apologies to an entire way of life. Yes. Listen, I think it's time. What better way to- my God, you can't hear this at home because these are very- these

are directional mics. These mics have been set up by Eduardo. He had no idea that something that traumatic was going to happen. But the sound was absolutely thrilling. It's like a- this is like a real nature special. We are... it's nighttime, we're here in Altadena, and what sounded like maybe 15 or 20 coyotes just surrounded some animal, started shrieking,

and, uh, tore it asunder. Incredible. And then it just gets quiet. And listen how quiet it gets. A little moment of silence for that gone animal. Now they're fighting over... The carcass. No, also like the bill. Oh.

Like, who? I only had one paw. Oh. Why do I have to pay as much? He had two paws and the tail. I'll get the tail. He had two paws in the tail and I had one paw. I didn't drink any of the blood. He drank all the blood. Now they're fighting about that. Just going at it. Man, incredible riffs. That might be a new one. This is a new one.

No now they're fighting about the tax. I can't believe there's a food tax. We're in Altadena. You know, we don't even have mail service. Well, anyway, let's wrap it up. It's been another good episode of Goo Goo Golly in the Gum Gum Tree. I think it's called Chill Chums for reasons I don't even remember anymore. It's called fan service.

That's what Adam tells me. Adam Saks says this is fan service. That's what Adam tells me. Adam Sacks says, this is fan service. This is an all-timer episode. Is this the same episode where you guys argued about points? That was four hours ago. And that was this episode, right? Was that this episode? Holy Christ.

It's amazing. You left and you built a house from scratch. I did. I went out and trained 15 wild coyotes. ALL LAUGHING All right. Well, thanks for listening to this episode of Chumaroonees. CHUCKLES Chilled Chumaroo. I'm a guy that... Well...

This is, uh, this is where my career has brought me. We can end it. We can actually end this episode. I keep trying to, but you don't... No one helps me. It's you that... you do the end. You do the ending. Okay. You end it. Take it easy.

Finish it. The more you try to talk, the less you can talk. It's hilarious. You do the end. Endy-doo. Endy-doo-dee-doo. No-no-doo-no-doo-no-doo. Oh, God, the more you try to end it, the less you end it.

Ladies and gentlemen, from Altadena, this is Conan O'Brien saying it's been nice. Uh. Oh my God. Vodka with ice. I'm so close to my house and I feel so far away. You did this for 30 years, just end it. Okay, well that was easy.

I go like, well, that's our time. Good night everybody. You can do that. That's it, that's it, Chuck. Stay tuned for last call with Carson Daly. Uh. Uh. Uh. That's it, Jackie. Stay tuned for Last Call with Carson Daly. Uh... I'm gonna go take, spend 40 minutes wiping the makeup off my face in my tiny dressing

room. Good night, everybody. Chill chums. Oh my God, they're back. It's another one. We gotta make sure we're in the house. God, this is... You're gonna be in the house.

You're gonna be in the house. You're gonna be in the house. You're gonna be in the house. You're gonna be in the house. You're gonna be in the house. You're gonna be in the house. You're gonna be in the house. Boom, bop, ba-da-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Leow, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez, additional production support by Mars Melnick, talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan?

Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Interworld.