Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Summer S’mores with Conan and the Chill Chums Season 4 Episode 5

Episode Date: August 22, 2024

Drinks finally in hand, the Chill Chums throw down in a high-stakes game of Chubby Bunny.

This episode of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend is sponsored by L.L. Bean. Summer's all about getting outside. For quality outdoor clothing, gear, and accessories, turn to L.L. Bean, the expert for over a century. They got camp chairs, campsite organizers, blankets, coolers. Plus, got the stylish yet durable clothes you need for all types of weather, including their famous bean boots. For the best outdoor products, tips, and inspiration, visit LLBean.com slash Conan. Outside together since 1912. ["Solo Stove"]

Solo Stove and Whistle Pig Whiskey have joined forces to introduce Camp Stock, a limited edition wheat whiskey. It's aged in barrels toasted by Solo Stove, the world's favorite fire pit. On the rocks, neat, or in a s'mores old fashioned, Camp Stock wheat whiskey. With its notes of graham cracker, baking spices and vanilla is the perfect fireside drink for summer nights.

Cheers to whiskey flavored by the flame and savored by the flame. Please remember to pig out responsibly. Summer S'mores with Conan and the Chill Chums, a six part series with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian and Matt Gourley. Let's get started. Okay, Summer S'mores, episode five.

Last one, Outdoors. We're gonna light up our... Oh, wow, this is cool. Oh, that is so cool! Well, you have to explain what's happening. Matt Gourley made these amazing drinks, and it's, is this an old fashioned? Chocolate old fashioned.

It's a chocolate old fashioned. And I believe it's made with whistle pig whiskey, which is good stuff. And then you put a little s'more. That's a cute little s'more in there. I had to literally drill these golden grams with an actual drill. Oh my God.

To get this match to go through, or else they'd break. I'm gonna blow this out before. Yeah. I've never tested this. I'm gonna let as shit. I'm gonna blow this out before, yeah. I've never tested this. I'm gonna let mine toast my shit a little. It's not gonna toast, it's just gonna, you'll see. It's burning, it's on fire! Yeah, so it's a little s'more,

that's a cute little s'more there. So these are two golden grams. Two golden grams, yeah. And a mini marshmallow. I'm gonna eat that, cause that looks, I'm not a fan of s'mores, but size makes all the difference and this is a mini Would you say mine's burnt mine is burnt

Glad I asked what you were saying That's good mmm, you know what that is a s'more I find acceptable because there's not a lot of marshmallow Right, and it's also it's just the amount that I want. I agree. It's just a little bite. And when we talked about doing a s'mores cocktail, I didn't want any marshmallow taste in this drink. Oh my god.

You okay? You didn't even have anything to drink yet. And you're a stumbling, bumbling mess. I'm just holding it. I went to throw my match in the solo stove. Oh that's good. Let's talk about this drink. This is a good drink. What's going on here? Gorley, and you are quite the mixologist. No, I'm just a hobbyist. I figure these things out as needed.

Well tell me what went into this concoction. This is Whistle Pig, that Camp Stock whiskey that they sent us. That apparently was roasted over a solo stove or something. Talk about brand-news. This is a Camp Stove wheat whiskey, and it's called the smokeless toast, because it was, yeah, I guess they used a solo stove, so there was no smoke.

Yeah. And it's actually a very cool bottle. That's a cool bottle. I wanna just lick, there's chocolate on the rim. I wanna just, is it, can I just lick it? It's lickable. Can I ask a question? Was it a strategic, was there a meeting that took place where everybody was like, let's do the alcohol

in the fifth episode. Yes. Okay. And it wasn't just you. It wasn't just you. And guess what, Sona, basically it's like, it's a version of an intervention. We're inching towards an intervention.

What kind of intervention gives me alcohol at some point? Next summer is going to be a full on intervention. We're inching towards an intervention. What kind of intervention gives me alcohol at some point? Next summer is going to be a full-on intervention. Yeah, next summer we're going to show you a photograph of liquor an hour after the final act. You guys are terrible at interventions, but I am curious if it was like, guys last year from the year before and the year before, was a mess. Yes, wasn't a mess. Why am I not in those meetings? Well, let's just say sober heads prevailed.

This one got drunk. I agree. I was part of the one saying, I don't wanna do that again. Oh, okay. It wasn't you. This is my house. I thought we were gonna get fucked up. We still can. It's the last episode. You can, you can go for it. It's the last episode. I am. I to do that again. Oh. It wasn't you. This is my house. I thought we were going to get fucked up. We still can.

It's the last episode. You can. You can go for it. It's the last episode. I'm downing this. This is really good. Thanks. It's very good.

It's very tasty. Now, again, what are the flavors in here? You said you use the Whistle Stop? Whistle Pick. He's already drunk. Sorry. It's not. It's just that it's not a.

So hey, I'm curious. He's already drunk. Sorry, it's not, it's just that it's not a... So, so... Hey, I'm curious, I'd like to know the ingredients. We got the Whistle Pig, we've established that. I like how you retook that as if I'm going to edit that out. You know what, I trust you to make me look good. We got the Whistle Pig, wheat whiskey. What else is in here? There's some Aztec chocolate bitters, some Trader Vic's

chocolate liqueur, a little bit of Angostura bitters, some simple syrup, and then one of those Luxardo cherries, but it comes with a little bit of like the cherry slime, you know? That's pretty good. Um, Sona, just go a little slower. I did not understand a single ingredient that you just mentioned. You just keep, you just keep, you just keep guzzling it. You know why I think I like- It's a sipping drink. It's just a little sip. But there's so much chocolate in it! There's so much chocolate. I'm already almost done with this.

Do you see there more? Aw, hell yeah. There's a whole decanter on the counter. You know, when you make a drink and it has this much sugar in it. It's pretty sweet. Yeah. I'm not one for- I like sweet fruity drinks, but I don't love sweet chocolatey drinks So I think I'm good. I tried to

Mild it up a little this is like it's got what's up? What's going on? So it's so good It is so this is my favorite drink of all time. Oh my god. So yes. Wow, and you're like an alcoholic That's really saying that's really saying something. That's like, you know, it's true. It's like Ted Bundy saying, now this murder tops them all. You know what I mean? Oh wait, I have a whole stack here. Oh my god, you made me snot. And wait, what's the cherry? What's special about the cherry? The cherry looks like it's had some kind of experience. What is it? What happened to the cherry? What did the cherry go through?

The cherry was in an emotionally abusive relationship prior to this drink. And then lost a bunch of money at the track. Good. It's just a Luxardo cocktail cherry. I don't know what that means. It's just these kind of cherries that they make that come in this really thick cherry syrup.

So when you put one in, it kind of, the syrup goes like that. Here's my question, Matt. How do you even know this stuff? Do you look it up online? I drink a lot. But when you said, oh it's just a Luxardo gom-gom cherry, that's all it is. I don't even know where you would get that. At Total Wine and Spirits, any kind of like Bevmo or something. Bevmo! You want some more? Yeah, fill me up. Oh yeah. Give me some more of that.

I don't know, geez, okay. Hey, we had this crazy idea. Yeah. And I didn't know whether we should bring it up, but. Key party, key party. Key party, key party. Ew. Everyone get your keys in the, huh?

It's only gonna be your keys in the bowl. Yeah, I gotta put my keys in the bowl, and then put on a blindfold and reach in, and you're gonna see me not know that it's my keys, and I'm gonna pull them out and go, woo! And then you're gonna see me go off in the woods, and then the coyotes will attack me. Attack my excited body, go ahead.

When you guys were at camp, did you ever play Chubby Bunny? I don't know what that is. You don't? I don't know what that is. Okay, we don't have to do this, but this was just an idea that came up when we were discussing this season.

What happens is everybody takes a marshmallow, you put it in your mouth and you say the words chubby bunny. And then we take turns adding a marshmallow each time until someone can't say chubby bunny anymore and they're out. All right. Okay.

Can we eat the marshmallow? You have to keep it in your mouth. All right. This is the we eat the marshmallow? You have to keep it in your mouth. All right. This is the game Marlon Brando was playing when he secured the role for the Godfather. Can I keep drinking? Yeah. Will it dissolve the mud?

Oh no, you can't drink. You can't drink. All right. So Sona's out. Chubby bunny. So you can't swallow it, you can't chew it, you have to keep it in your mouth. Let me just, hold on.

That's all it does a lot. Let me stock up. Never ever heard of this. You've never heard of this? No. God, you grew up in a strange way. I did. Yeah.

No, no, I have strange tales and stuff, but there was no chubby bunny in my background. Who's played chubby bunny? Every hand goes up. Oh my God. No, Eduardo's gave me the thumbs down. Never heard of it. Never played it? Never. Okay. All right. Chubby Bunny. Every hand goes up. Oh my god. No, Eduardo's giving me the thumbs down. Never heard of it.

Never played it? Never. Okay. Okay. Alright. Alright. Chubby Bunny. Wait, does that count as you saying Chubby Bunny?

It didn't sound like Chubby Bunny. Chubby Bunny. She's out. She's out. First of all, you can't articulate things when you're- Chubby. A bunny. First of all, you can't articulate things when you're... You're not giving in! Sadness and benging. You should go on snake order.

Mmm, yeah, snake order. Oh my god. Oh my god, you alright, Charlie? Charlie, don't choke me, guys. I was gonna throw up! Okay, wrong! This game brought to you by Dr. Heimlich. I was gonna...

I was going to throw up. I was actually going to throw up. These are the biggest marshmallows of all time. This is food. Come on, girl, stuff it in your mouth, Charlie! These are the biggest marshmallows of all time. This is food. Come on, girl, stuff it in your mouth, girly. These marshmallows are- Stop being funny, bitch! Stop being funny!

Sunday is funny! Stop being funny! Oh, no! Wait. Sudden... Unborned! Sudden... Oh no! Oh god, there's so much spit there, girls! Oh my god! Oh my god! That giant mouth! Sudden...

Unborned! This is so stupid! I just love that you can't talk. Smartass. Four score and 15 gethies. I just love that you can't talk. I spotted the fourth one's talking. And this one is talking. What is coming up? This is the thing. It's so grotesque. The old man starts making equals.

Are you doing the Gethies Burger dress? Yes I am. Which means I win. Okay, that's it. Oh, God. Oh, more napkins. How'd you guys do more than one? There's no winners in Chubby, buddy, only losers.

I don't know why. I have one question. Yeah. I developed this fastidious way of talking. There's no winners in Chubby Bunny, only losers. I don't know why. I have one question. Yeah. I developed this fastidious way of talking. I was going, a chubby, a bunny.

And I wasn't even trying to, but in my effort to over enunciate, it came out as a chubby, a bunny. And I wasn't trying to do that. It's just what happened. Could you tell it was the Gettysburg Address? Yeah, I could. Oh yeah, definitely. Yeah.

You got, well there you go. That's how Luka did it. Also, if there's anything you're reciting, it's usually the Gettysburg Address. That's true. No. Oh God. I can do, there's so many things I recite.

That was, so that's a game that you played in camp? Yeah. Okay. Did you guys tell stories? Like ghost stories? Yeah. But I never went to camp. Oh, for God's sake. Wait, what? Wait, you-

How did you play in camp? Yeah, when you just said you were gonna play this in camp, what were you basing it on? Well- You're a sad little boy. I was a sad little boy, it's a true story. I was, I- Did you, so how come you didn't go to camp?

I think it was never offered to me. Okay. Hey, bro, your parents were never like, we... Did you, so how come you didn't go to camp? I think it was never offered to me. Okay, well, your parents were never like, we want to send you away? No, I think probably they, I bet, I bet they knew that like this kid's not going to make it through camp. Oh. You know? Like you'd miss your family too much? Yeah, because here's why, because when I was...

I think the others would set on him. I think you're right. Like Lord of the Flies. When I was an adult in my 20s, I went to teach at an improv theater camp and I called home the first day going I want to come home. When you were in your 20s? Matt you were in your 20s? I get so homesick it's ridiculous. You called home? I called my girlfriend at the time going like I wanted to come I just I don't know I don't take to camp. Oh yeah okay this was in your 20s and it wasn't even camp it was an improv class probably in I just, I don't know, I don't take to camp. Oh. Yeah. Okay.

And this was in your twenties and it wasn't even camp, it was an improv class. Probably in an urban setting. It was prison. Yeah. I loved camp. Really? I did, I loved, I had fun at camp.

Yeah. Anyway, that's where I learned about Chubby Bunny when I was in twenties. Oh. Teaching at camp. You were in twenties. Chubby bunny. That wasn't a camp.

It was not a camp that you went to. That's the sad part. I know. I was a counselor at camp once and my little cousin came and I lost him at the beach for like 45 minutes. I thought the ocean took him. I was really, as both a counselor and as a family member, I was like, I really shit the bed here.

But wait a minute. What did you do? Did you start looking for him? Or did you immediately? Everybody started looking for him. It became like an all hands on, he was only seven and it was an all hands on deck situation I was like guys he was there. He's not there. I don't know where he is and then everyone

You know where you went wrong. How why did you take your eye off of him? What happened? I don't know There were two kids. I had to watch they were both the youngest you only had two I had two kids because they were like they're the youngest kids. You only had two? I had two kids because they were like, they're the youngest, they need attention, especially if they're by the beach. So I turned my head away for a second to look at the other kid and while I turned around, my cousin was gone. They always say that I turned away for a second

and when I turned back. But I know that if we could go back and look at you, you started talking to some dude and doing that face you always used to do when you were single, when you liked somebody. I'm not even gonna argue. You'd make your eyes would get real bright. Making a spliff?

Rolling up a spliff. No. She used to do this face when she thought a waiter was cute. What's the face? She would do this big, and she would ask a lot of questions and her chin would be way up in the air. And it's pretty good. Yeah, and her chin would be way up in the air. And... That's pretty good.

Yeah, and she would, yeah. You're always a couple of drinks in at that point. Yeah. Where was the child? He was playing in the sand underneath a lifeguard tower. There were two areas. There was the area where everybody was, and then we all would go down to the beach,

and there were just two areas. He wasn't in any of them. He was seven. You just turned your head for a second, so how could you areas. He wasn't in any of them. He was seven. I was like- You just turned your head for a second, so how could you have gotten that far? The ocean took him. I thought it.

I thought the ocean took him. But the ocean didn't take him. No, but it could have. And then, because he was out in the sun for so long, he got heat stroke. And then, so he was like a disaster. What a great camp this was. How did you, did you have to have any, any

qualifications? No, we were like 17, 18 years old. We were kids in charge of other kids. You had a flashback. I was a camp counselor in Dedham, Massachusetts at the Dedham Community Center. And I'm having a strong moment right now because very recently I was with my brother Neil and we were driving around and we were driving through Dedham and I realized, hey, I think we're near where I used to be a camp counselor and we drove by the Dedham Community Center. And so I, it's been years. I mean, it's been, I don't know if it's been 45 years or something since I've been there. This got quiet like you're telling us a ghost story.

No, it's true. But I'm serious, I had this moment just now thinking, oh right, I just did this and I passed and I looked at the place and I remembered that the guy who ran the camp thought I was a CIT, you know, I was a counselor, and I was in charge of like these eight-year-olds and I remember this one guy that ran the camp was like, you're pretty funny, you're pretty funny, and then I this one guy that ran the camp was like you're pretty funny,

you're pretty funny and then I remembered one year he said I want you, I got this funny, it's the 4th of July, you're a funny guy, you just always make people laugh. I have an Uncle Sam costume I bought, put it on and I'll have you perform for all the kids and I wasn't thinking, I was, you know, I'll have you perform for all the kids and I'm not I wasn't thinking I was you know I don't know what I was I was 16 17 and Someone's telling me to do this so I I was Reluctant, but I put on this uncle Sam costume and he had assembled all the kids in camp and I came out and I was like

Hey, everybody. I'm uncle Sam and I bombed Like you cannot imagine. And I was dressed as Uncle Sam, and I'm in this, I'll never forget, I'm in this like, standing next to this big dead lawn in Dedham, right near the courthouse where Sokka and Vansetti were tried.

And I'm dressed as Uncle Sam in a shitty Uncle Sam costume that probably cost two dollars and the beard's coming off. The kids, I had not, I had put no thought into it because the counselor just thought you're funny so go be funny and it was a disaster. Conan, two things, this is first why I never went to camp, something like that. It's a war crime. Two, do you realize you have two Uncle Sam sad stories? Remember we covered this and we got that Halloween costume. I know my mom got me that caught that Uncle Sam costume. I know and yet I love my country. America has done you wrong. No but I love my country but I do that was the second. And also what was he thinking that a guy with no preparation who's 16 years old who's yeah

he's kind of funny can just put on an Uncle Sam costume, impromptu, and get up in front of a bunch of kids at a low rent day camp and make them laugh. And you knew you bombed, because even sometimes at that age, you talk yourself into thinking like, oh, well, that was fun, I got to perform. Oh no, I'm quite aware when something I've done

has not worked, and this was an absolute bomb, and I remembered even the guy was like, what the fuck was that? And I'm like, you just told me. You found. Like he paid you. Yeah, like. Like he hired you.

Yeah, you double as like a cab driver when you're not running this decrepit cab. You're a cab driver. You found this costume in a trunk. You made me wear it. Which is, you know. Yeah. So I did. And it was awful is, you know, yeah. So I did, and it was awful.

And I just was there. Oh my God. And now here I am in Altadena, drinking a chocolate whistle pig whiskey drink and recounting this terrible memory from my childhood. Solo Stove is back as a sponsor for their third year in a row. And yes, there's still no smoke with a Solo Stove fire pit. People don't think a smokeless fire was possible, but Solo Stove did think it was possible. That's why it's the world's favorite fire pit.

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There's nothing better than a bottle of great whiskey around the campfire in the summer. We'll be sippin' it with s'mores in hand. Here's a toast to Whistle Pig, the whiskey of the summer. Find Whistle Pig Whiskey at shop.whistlepigwhiskey.com or at your local bar or liquor store. Please remember to always pig out responsibly. L.L. Bean's clothing accessories are staples all year round, like the classic L.L. Bean boat and tote bag. You can monogram that by the way. But this summer there's so much use that can come out of their outdoor gear, like L.L. Bean's

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It's a nice size, perfect. The double wall vacuum insulation keeps beverages hot or cold for hours. You know, when I'm out in the woods or out to Dena, no, I like to have, first of all, L.L. Bean clothing is great, I like the clothes they have. I do too. But I like all their stuff, and as you know, I'm a New Englander, so I grew up with L.L. Bean clothing is great. I like the clothes they have. I do too. But I like all their stuff.

And as you know, I'm a New Englander, so I grew up with L.L. Bean. You know, it's just, you hear that bird in the background? The bird's going, L.L. Bean, L.L. Bean, L.L. Bean, L.L. Bean. Even the birds are into it here. For the best outdoor products, tips and inspiration, visit L.L.Bean.com slash Conan. Outside together since 1912. Here's my question, because you always talk about you were a counselor at camp. Were you ever a camper at camp?

Mm hmm. Okay. Remember he got his legs fried by the metal boat? No, but that was when you were a counselor at camp. Were you ever a camper at camp? Mm-hmm. Okay. Remember when you got his legs fried by the metal boat? No, but that was when you were a counselor. No. I thought. No, no, that was when I was a camper. Were you the cool counselor or were you the rules guy? Were you like, guys, we have to line up.

No, I was not. It's time to line up, everybody. Lights out, everyone. Hey, guys, lights out. No, I was unscrewed. It was 8 p.m., everyone. I would say I was neither. Or neither, whichever you prefer.

I was not, I didn't, I really didn't like it, but it's a job, but I met one of those guys that just realized I loved it. Seven and eight year olds, that's a tough age. Oh yeah. Yeah, I mean she was just sending them out in the ocean on a raft. Yeah, I love the end of that story is probably we never found him.

Oh. No, it's okay. No, we found him. He's cool. My cousin. I don't think I was either one. I was not a cool, I know what a cool counselor's like and I was not one. But I don't think I was a bad one either.

I just think I was a guy who was doing time, trying to move up the rung. Did you ever have a kid kind of want to be your, like have you as a mentor that kind of attached it themselves to you, you know, like in meatballs? No. I mean, I think of you that way, man. That I attach myself to you? Yeah, I think, yeah, I think of you as my young liege, you know?

Oh, I'm fucked. No, I don't. I never had that, no. I could see some little squirt just kinda coming up and going, hey, this is my guy. I'm gonna learn from him, you know? Yeah, I don't think so. You're barking up the wrong tree. This is just getting sad now.

Hey, Conan, didn't you ever throw a pass and win the big game? No, I didn't. Didn't someone look up to you? Conan, did someone ever tell you they loved you unconditionally? No, no, no they didn't. Hey, Conan, do you remember a moment where you just felt real bliss and at ease? No, no, no they didn't. Hey Conan, do you remember a moment

where you just felt real bliss and at ease with yourself? No, no I didn't. Hey Conan, do you ever just think your life's been worthwhile? No, no I didn't. Hey Conan, do you ever just sort of look around and think it's good that I was born? No, no I haven't.

Hey Conan, Conan. Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and think he's not so bad looking? No, no I haven't. This is really good. I am nursing this like you wouldn't believe. Why are you nursing it? Because I have half a lung.

People can go to Coco's socials. Already? Already? Me too though a little bit. So if you guys had your meetings and you thought, oh, we're gonna stop ourselves this year from Sona being so drunk. Well, also Sona.

Fuck all of you. Cause guess what? Sona and I got together in pregame. I am wasted already. And it's because I know what to do when there's a thing in my cup. Fuck all of you guys for having meetings behind my back you know I love best of all you're sitting on a half

feet in Marshmallow. It's stuck to my pants. Look at her. Oh my god. It's stuck to my pants. Yeah you've got Marshmallow on your pants too buddy. That's not marshmallow. Ha ha ha!

Dun dun dun dun dun! Tent pitched. What was I supposed to say? Will you say it? You say it, Rue. I can do it. Ruthie! I'm sober as a judge.

Go to Team Coco Socials for the recipe. What, for this drink? Yeah, check out Team Coco on Instagram. Okay. And this is a great drink, you should check it out. But you should drink it a little more responsibly than Sona. I'm at my house. I improvised this one a little, I'm gonna have to get the formula down.

Okay, you're gonna know this. Yeah. In, because you're a Bond guy. In... Why wouldn't I know it? In Casino Royale, what's the drink he improvises? What's the recipe? Oh, it's Gordon's gin, vodka, Kina Lillet, which they don't make anymore,

and a little twist of lemon. I knew he'd know that. Now ask me something you know I'm gonna know. Okay. What's my favorite thing Conan ever did? What year was Richard Nixon born in? What caliber of... That's a good one. I actually don't, well, I'm gonna work here.

Nixon is, I think, a little older. JFK is born in 1917. Nixon's a little older than JFK, I believe. That's a good one. Earlier, you knew exactly when Ronald Reagan was born. Yeah, some dates. Why do you know some and some you don't know some? You know, how do you, I can't say.

What caliber of bullet was Lincoln shot with? I'm gonna, hold on, I'm gonna say 1914. Oh, Eduardo. No, I didn't see him, I said 14. I'm gonna say 1913. It's 1913, January 9th. I was gonna say 1913. That's what I was gonna say 1913. It's 1913, January 9th. I was gonna say 1913.

That's what I was gonna say. Yeah, this part's gotta come out. I was gonna say, I was gonna say, if he's a year older. Not because anyone's wrong, but just because it's just awful. No, because you didn't know it and you don't want people to know. These two people guessed Newton's birth date.

You saw Eduardo give you the answer you create. I didn't see that. Gorrals asked what caliber bullet Lincoln was shot with. It's not really a caliber. This made bullets out of a mold, rather large bullet by today's standards. It's not really rifled at all. Didn't have to be because it was shot at such,

in three inches from the left ear. I have a quick question. Yeah, what's up? How's the end of the summer s'mores series going this year? This is the last year we're doing this, I think. Oh, I don't think so. What are you talking about? We gotta go to his backyard.

Yeah, we do. And you know what we're gonna do next year? Gummies. Oh, hell yeah. I've been waiting for the gummy year. Come on, we should. And then we all sleep there and do a slumber party. I'm gonna embarrass you when we go to your house.

Well, you have. It's called your engagement party. Oh. Um. That was fun. We had a good time, right? We did. When we go to your house. Well, you have. It's called your engagement party. That was fun. We had a good time, right? We did. That was really nice. People still talk about that. That was a good party.

That was really nice of you to do. I loved that. Well, I don't think you were in the picture yet, but. No, but you could have pre-invited me. You're right. That's true. I don't think you were alive yet. It was a long time ago.

No, we should do it. Will we do it in my backyard next year? Again, I just have to clear it with various celebrities and various potentates, CEOs, CFOs. You know, it's a very, it's a very... Ugh. We'll wear, we'll wear disguises when we come in. No, it's not gonna work.

I'm gonna go to your house. I'm gonna talk about how hard it was to get there. I'm gonna be like, oh my God, I take this freeway and that freeway and I had to change my currency. And you're gonna be like, Hey, this is where I go all the time. This isn't that far. And that's my life. No, no, no. Listen, if we do it in my backyard, I'm not going to be there. It's going to be an, a lookalike, a Conan lookalike. And he's going to be wearing an earpiece and saying what I tell him to say.

And I'm going to be up in my room getting a rub down. Okay. Oh, I'd love that. And he's gonna be wearing an earpiece and saying what I tell him to say, and I'm gonna be up in my room getting a rubdown, okay? No, legit. Okay, you said, no, who says rubdown? No, no, I'm not gonna. The only person that says rubdown. That's sexual. Is a real Epstein. No.

Oh, Jesus, Matthew. He meets Theo Epstein, the former general manager of the Red Sox. The, um. Sweat hog. You only get better when you drink. Epstein. Is Epstein the oh, oh, oh?

No, that's horse shack. Oh, that's horse shack. Guys. Which one was Epstein? He was. The jacket. Yeah. This is, okay, you brought up Ron Polillo on a podcast recently, so.

I hate it when you take this like position of like. I know, this mole high ground. Yeah, you brought up the fucking Lord guy from the Lord guy old show Jack Lord Hawaii five. Oh, no, that was okay No one talks about that guy anymore. Well, I'm gonna Google him. I don't think you're gonna do anything I don't think you can find your phone. That's a bar of soap. That's not your phone Listen I want to try and clear up some of the some I want to say there's some dry brush here what that needs clearing out okay okay let's close on this I think we've had a wonderful

time here and and what I was trying to paint a picture of is next year we do this in my yard okay and it might be a funny bit if I'm not there with you guys we get an we get an actor and listen he's wearing an earpiece and I'm not there with you guys, we get an actor. And listen, he's wearing an earpiece and I'm up in my room and I'm getting like a massage. And that's what I was going for. I said rub down, but I'm not some guy that goes to a rub and tug joint.

You stuttered like maybe you have. I just love the phrase rub and tug joint. But I'm upstairs in my room and I'm occasionally telling the actor things to say. And I have like all these delicacies and things up in my room. Isn't that kind of a funny idea? I think the better idea is we do it at your house.

It's the three of us, but you're in an Uncle Sam costume. Oh no. Can I also say, listen, I'm being very serious. When we go to your house, can we go to where you know famous people live and can we knock on the door and say, hey, my pillow flew over in your yard. Can I go grab it?

Because there's so many famous people that live near you. So I just wanna make sure it's full. The level of security they had, when you went to get, when you retrieve the pillow, it would be riddled with bullet holes. The minute a pillow blows into one of those yards. It's immediately set upon by dogs and then shot. So yeah, I don't know.

Isn't it sad that this is, we gotta wrap this up? I actually, I'm having fun. Me too, I just started having fun. That's called alcohol. I know, why did we wait till this late? Why? I think you're right. Because I think it's smart.

Because when you go back and look at the tape, you will understand why we waited till the last episode. Let me rewind. Let's rewind it. Yeah. Let's rewind the tape. And then... You know what you are?

You're my chill chum. You're my chill chum. Eat tea fingers. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Expulsion from paradise. God and Adam. Friends forever. Forever. I eat tea fingers. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Expulsion from paradise. God and Adam.

Friends forever. Forever. Forever. Turn on your hot light. Do you remember that Neil Diamond song? My question is this. Did I bring you guys up to my level or did I go down to your level?

You came down. I came down. You came down to the basement. I came way down. I came way down. And you were waiting for us. I came down to the basement and then dug a hole. Remember when we heard those coyotes?

Oh yeah. That was scary. Kill that animal? Yeah. That was insane. If it was an animal. That's nature. We don't know what they found.

And nurture. Come on. It was like a break. You'd be right. No, sometimes if you say something like that, if people aren't really thinking, people think you said something profound. I mean, I just blew it.

But if I had said, and nurture, well, that's our time. There'd be some people listening, be like, man, Conan nailed it. Not a single person, I don't think. I don't think a single person would think that was profound. I think they would see right through that. And do you miss saying, we'll be right back?

I do, I do it in just normal conversations all the time. That's so weird. I do it with my wife, I do it with Liza. No. I do. I do it in just normal conversations all the time now. That's so weird. I do it with my wife. I do it with Liza. No. I do, yeah. What do you mean?

She says like, we're gonna be empty nesters next year. And she says, I don't know, that's bringing up a lot of feelings. And I say, yeah, we'll take a break. We'll be right back. No Conan. That's abuse. That's a real feeling she's saying.

I know, but I don't wanna deal with it. And you know what's really weird? A commercial starts to come on in my head. And usually for not a great product. Usually because the program in my mind isn't selling for that much, it's usually not a good, you know, it's like, if you think you have mesothelioma. Gosh.

Wow, that's a daytime thing. I know. It's a daytime thing. What's the deal? Yeah. I know we should have wrapped hours ago, but let's talk about mesothelioma What what is with the people who have that well?

What is the what is the settlement that's gonna happen and maybe I have mesothelioma? No, okay, they get it from asbestos. Is it? Yes, I Is it? Is it? Is it? Yes. As a... You don't even have to drive home. I've had a wonderful time. That's why I downed you. You're an Altadena. That should be it for you there, goggles. And then I think maybe you should go night nighttime.

Yeah, I'm gonna go night nighttime. Yeah. I'm trying to get this cherry. You're gonna sleep in that chair. Try that cherry. I think Tack's gonna look out his window and see a figure in a chair tonight, but it's gonna be Sona.

I'm gonna be like this. Yeah. He's gonna be like again. Well, that was this year's episode of Chill Chumps. Will there be one next year? Will there be a next year? There's so much we don't know. But what we do know is that real friendships last. Whether you're gathered in Altadena or Pasadena or a place that's sort of closer to civilization.

As long as you have a good drink and good friends, good memories of having to wear an Uncle Sam costume, entertaining an entire camp with no preparation and totally bombing. There's no preparation. I hope that if there's a heaven that I get to die and go up and just see 16 millimeter footage of that. You know, I'm with, you know what, I'm with girls. Yeah. I will say you put so much thought and effort into all the events that you do.

I have never seen you bomb, bomb. I would love to see you bomb and just be like so uncomfortable. I think that's a good, that's a good character building thing, I think for you. Have you bombed since then? Cause I imagine that that scarred you so much that you found a way to like pre to naturally avoid bombing. Like you just, you have a kind of mind. Anybody's always 30 seconds away from bombing potentially.

What a way to live. What a way to live. I will say my favorite thing is when you make a joke you're proud of and no one laughs. I know it's funny because it never happens. It's like saying I love seeing a Humpalupagus. Who? What? A Humpalupagus.

You mean Snuffleupagus? No, I just made up an animal that doesn't exist. No, you messed up an animal. No, I didn't try to say Snuffleupagus. You sure did. You tried to say Snuffleupagus. No, I didn't. Yes, you did.

I did not try to say snuffle up again. What is a huffle up again? I just tried to make up an animal. No, that's not a thing. You tried to do that. You would never do that. Because you would go with something that works. And you didn't go with anything that worked.

You bombed. You bombed. You bombed. You bombed Uncle Sam. Democracy's over. I'm going to say something about five minutes ago, I cast my gaze around the room and I saw Ruthie checking out.

And Ruthie is the biggest fan of what we do. And Ruthie was looking like, okay, it's time to, let's call it. And that was five minutes ago. And you guys are drunkenly saying, you meant snuffle up against not humphala-lump-a-lous. We got you this time. Like you just cracked the biggest case of all time.

We perry-mazing you. So this has to stop and I'm gonna stop it. Good night, chill chums. It was good seeing you. Thanks for having us to your home. Oh, thank you, you're welcome. Yeah, well, not inside in the yard. Oh.

And- Been inside. Didn't really offer me anything to eat. And thank you all yard. Oh. And, um. Been inside. Didn't really offer me anything to eat. And thank you all. There's so much, do not do that. There's so much food there. Thank you, Eduardo. Thank you.

Ruthie, Sam, the whole team, Blay, Chills, I know you're out there somewhere. Adam figuring out a way to have this all work for marketing. You know, our devoted team. You know, Eduardo, of course, always has my back. David drove me here in a car that's, I can't describe to you how small this car is. If you imagine, imagine a container for one Oreo cookie and then- Ruthie is literally looking at her watch. Can we finish this? There's Tanisha.

There's Josh, there's Mikey. And then there's John Rau. Yep. Yoder. Oh wait, Mikey is right there. Yoder, Rachel Yoder. There's a cool crew here. Good night everybody, and remember, if you love us, we love you more. Take it to the next level, two pack out. Summer S'mores with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian, and Matt Gourley.

Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Leal, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

Engineering by Eduardo Perez, additional production support by Mars Melnick, talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a Team Coco production in association with In-A-Wolf.