Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Summer S’mores with Conan and the Chill Chums Season 4 Episode 6

Episode Date: August 29, 2024

Back in the studio for the Summer S’mores finale, Conan and the Chill Chums find out just who among them has the most to offer culturally.

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Summer S'mores with Conan and the Chill Chums, a six-part series with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian, and Matt Gourley. Let's get started. Okay, we're back in studio for the final... I like to think of this as the wrap-up. Yeah, a debrief. Yeah, this is, you know, after the event,

the commentators stand around and they try and bring a sense of perspective to what is happening. It goes through the plays. Yeah. Right? Is that what you were talking about? Like sports commentators? Sports are also like a is happening. What went wrong. It goes through the plays. Yeah. Right. Is that what you were talking, like sports commentators? Sports or else like a political event. Oh, okay.

You need people to be able to digest it. A military operation. Okay. Yeah, yeah, this is what happened. This is how many casualties we took. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. There were three.

Where did it go? There were three. Where did it go wrong? Yeah. First of all, I commend you, Sona, on having us over to your home. Lovely house. Thank you.

And it was nice to see in the window, your little boys, my godchildren, waving at us out the window to their Uncle Coco. They really love seeing you. Yeah, and then they saw Matt in recoiled, which I thought was weird. And they said El Diablo, which is weird. That's Spanish, they're not Spanish.

I don't know why. I had my goat with me. Yeah. You know. So anyway, but your house is beautiful. Thank you. I think you've done a really nice job. It was nice to see Tak.

Yeah. And your parents were there. They were there, they're watching, you know, helping watch the boys and stuff. Yeah. You only made a few Altadena jokes. Uh,'re watching, you know, helping watch the boys and stuff. You only made a few Altadena jokes. Well, maybe, you know, we should encourage the fans to count them.

Yeah. And if there's over a thousand, which I think there are, then you win a Sentra. We're giving a gift, a car? It's not a Sentra we own. You have to go steal it. We'll point it out to you. But it was very nice to be there.

And I have to say very atmospheric. One of the things that stands out to me the most, and I don't know how it's gonna sound on the podcast, if you're gonna hear it through the mics, but those coyotes that were trapping an animal, that's one of the, I mean, I've heard that way off in the distance. I think this was happening in your kitchen.

We heard it so clearly. You can hear it, I've edited it already. Does it sound crazy? And it sounds distant, but you can hear it, but the listeners should know that it was so much more intense in person. Even though we've done all we can to amplify it and make it sound as present as possible,

it's nothing like the real thing. No, it was crazy to be there, borderline psychotic, because it sounded like they were maybe 35 feet away and madness, how often do you hear that? I would say several times a week. But I'm sure it's just not like some Altadena cult, just some human cult members. I'm sorry, you think that they're human?

What's going on up there? Oh, I think coyotes are killing little critters. What critters are they killing, do we know? There's so many random things around, you know? Like there's, you know, little things, I don't know. Yeah, you're real good at identifying species. I'd love it if Sona... I don't know animals.

I would love it if Sona had a nature show. Wouldn't it be great if Sona had a nature show? I don't know what animals there's kind of here. Ah, here we are in the outback, and there's something. I don't know what, that's something. It's got ears. And there's something else. Yeah't know what that's something. It's got ears. And there's something else. Yeah.

It's a furry mover. There's three things, and two of them look to be the same thing. And then there's another thing. Nope, that's three different things. Welcome to Suna's wonderful world of things. Sometimes there's a little dog will go out. Sometimes a little cat.

Sometimes there's field mice, I think. They felt bigger, like they had to take it down. Yeah, it felt like something big. A large bunny or a raccoon or something. It could have been, lot of bunnies, lot of raccoons, lot of shit. Andy Richter's been missing. Oh my God, oh geez.

Yeah, I told him to come visit us and they found his car, but they didn't find Andy. And they found one of his boots. And they found a cruelly written note in Coyote that said Andy was delicious. Which should clear it up. Well, you know- In Coyote, by the way, I said. In our conversation, you mentioned that next year

you would host us at your house. Do you still feel that? Yeah, I've gotta get, I mean, as you know, I live in a very, you know, an enclave, if you will. I'll need to get clearance from some of the biggest names in the business. Okay. Hal Neederman, Chas Palmieri.

Do you need Hal Neederman, Chas Palmieri? Who are you? No, no, these are different people. Okay, all right. Stu Beckman, no, I live, these are triple A listers, meaning they all work for triple A. No, but it's, you know, it's Riz Perlman, who's a real Perlman's accountant.

And you know, it's insane. And so I need to, I can't have- This sounds like you're backpedaling. Do you remember also in the first episode of this summer series, you said if anybody comes over, you go overboard with food. So we expect like a feast. Oh yeah, I would take care of that.

I would see to it that our sponsor provides an incredible amount of food. Just gonna be all whiskey? A sponsor? It's gonna be a whiskey, and then if you can eat a solo stove. Like, you don't wanna pay for it yourself? Bingo.

Okay. Oh, man. No, no, no, I will check with, make sure that I'm not in violation, obviously. Again, I can't put too fine a point on this, but I live amongst the hoi polloi, the finest, royalty, Hollywood royalty, or Holly Weird. Mm-hmm.

He's a feces or something. I don't know. I don't know. You just keep going, it's awful. But I would like to host next year, and I think that's something to look forward to, because, I mean, we have some real celebrity drop-ins. You think?

Oh, I, no doubt. Rose Perlman? Yeah. Jiz Schmechman might come by. I'll take a pass on him if it's all the same. Oh, he's... no, he's... Okay. Jiz Schmechman?

Jiz Schmechman? Let me tell him. Maybe tell him we're busy. Jiz chose whether you want him to or not. Yeah, just put up a blacklight. You know, um... Oh, man! Uh, yeah, but Quirrell Stye might come by.

I mean, there's all kinds of but Quirrell Stye might come by. I mean, there's all kinds of, it's gonna be an incredible collection of Hollywood once was and Hollywood could be. And- Is Jizz a once was or a could be? Depends on what time of day. Yeah, exactly. Oh.

Jizz has been hydrating. You know what, guys? I don't like this kind of humor. And can I say something else? This guy is low-hanging Fruit Jones. He will go after anything. Excuse me, you began this whole series by saying digitally servicing people with DJ blow jobs.

Yeah, well, I said digital blowies. Yeah, okay, that was 35 episodes ago. Yeah, that was, and also that is high hanging fruit. How is that high hanging fruit? Because I took fan service and I made it sound sexual. So that is elegant comedy. You know what, I've worked with the worst and I've worked with the best, but I prefer you guys.

It's elegant comedy. Italian food connoisseur hands. That makes it elegant. Look it up, man. So I say we do it at my house next year if I can clear it. Clear it. Well, also, there's gonna be a paparazzi element. They're all over me. It's very hard for me to go anywhere these days.

I've been to your house, there's never any paparazzi. All I do is call the paparazzi. I know. They always say no. They're past. They're just not happening. They don't even say no, they're like, pass. Yeah, I wore the same thing that Bianca Sensori wears.

You know? Who? She hangs out with, what's her name? Why do you know new people? I think he studies new people's names, just thinking, I gotta stay relevant, but doesn't know, contextually... Bianca says sorry, she's the one that's always hanging out with...

Jish Jackman? She hangs out with Kanye, and she's always wearing, like, nothing. Oh, it's his new wife. It's his wife. Oh, are they married? Yeah, they're married. Why do you know that? I know everything. You don't. I do, I do. No, are they married? Yeah, they're married. Oh. Why do you know that? I know everything.

You don't. I do, I do. No, you don't. I do. You don't. Okay. I do know about culture. Well.

I do know about culture. I really do. I will do it next year at my house. Okay. And it'll be fun. We'll have a good time. But I think we should reminisce a little more about what we just experienced

before we time travel to next year. I am a little insulted that the drinks came out so late. That was planned. I know it was. And I feel personally attacked because you guys had a conversation and didn't include me in it. You ever been on a road trip

and then there's one person who gets behind the wheel and it doesn't go well, you start picking mailboxes out of the grill? We learned then not to put you behind the wheel on the road trip. And for summer s'mores, it's fine for you to have your drinky poo, but it's got to come later or else it's just a total meltdown. I don't know if it's a meltdown. The last two years. I like it. And I will tell you,'t know if it's a meltdown. The last two years. I like it.

And I will tell you, I wasn't involved in this conversation. I just received a dictate. Oh, okay. Like this is the way it will be. Yeah. Yeah, cause I like it when you drink. Well, when we were doing Summer S'mores,

I was like thinking in my head, where is the alcohol? And why isn't it out here? Otherwise it's just three dicks talking in a yard. Who cares? Three dicks in a yard. Who cares? Three dicks in a yard. That's a career. For some people, I think we did the right thing.

I think we showed a little bit of restraint and you can't hold your liquor. You know you can't. I cannot. And you... That was so defiant. You and I've been with you for years and we would go to all kinds of events

and you would have one glass of wine, and suddenly you were hanging from a chandelier, dressed as a pirate, and I just couldn't take that chance. Okay, fine, I'm just saying that it's just, then the magic's gone. Next year, we'll pregame a little. I'm down. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you can pregame next year. I will. I'm down. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, you can pregame next year. I will. And I liked it. I liked it. There was some revelations, I think, Blay didn't he pull out like a medieval sword at one point? He not only bought a sword, he brought it. He bought the sword from the Renaissance fair.

He took the word bought and added an R and brought it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, something. And it was cool, right? It was pretty cool. Do you have a plan to grow up at some point? No, and I say that with great affection. You know, I love you, Blade, but at some point,

you know, what do you think? Maybe no more sword buying and it's time to... No. You make a good point. Yeah, that's a good point. Thank you. I mean, look, I think swords are cool at any age, and I don't know, it's cool to buy a sword.

What would you say, just question, I don't wanna derail stuff, but what would a grown-up thing that you want to see me do be? No. That you be do be? What's a grown-up thing? Make a sentence.

That would be the first thing. Jazz-sc-up thing? How about you just make a sentence? Well, jazz-scatting is a good start. What is a grown-up thing I can do to prove to you? I've sent this to you. I'd like you to wear a suit. I've done it. Occasionally. I know you did it.

But I mean, consistently. And everybody thought it was weird. I'd like you to eventually sire a large family, like nine kids. Ooh. Well, I mean, now does that include a donate? to eventually sire a large family, like nine kids. Ew. Well, I mean, now does that include like a donate? Can I donate sperm?

No! Okay, well, and you already have, I'm sure. It's all over the place. Just spectrum. But listen, you don't have to go back to that. It's about, you gotta hear about that. You brought it up! You brought it up!

You did it! You literally made him up! You made him up! You brought Jizz into the conversation. I didn't say that that's what his name meant. This conversation was Jizz-less, and then you brought up the Jizz. Are you saying Jizz is a first name that's different from actual Jizz? I was not thinking about that at all.

Is Jizz short for something? Yeah, Jizz-O-Maya. It's in the Bible. Look it up. It's in the Bible. Jizz-O-'s in the Bible. It's in the Bible. Jizamaya. Jizamaya. Jizamaya. Jizamaya.

Jizamaya. So, no, and I want you to wear like a fedora and I want you to sort of go home at the end of the night and I just want you to be really uptight about work and then have a high ball to calm yourself down. Okay. Yeah, I want you to live that kind of, I want you to live in the suburbs. I'm gonna work, I'm gonna work on that. No more T-shirts that say like who farted and stuff.

Just like, I want you to be a grownup. Okay, I'm almost sure I'm wearing a black T-shirt. Yeah, I'll work on it. But you know what I'm saying, I want you to smoke heavily and not take care of yourself. All the stuff that is the 1950s trope. I'm gonna get right on it. I want you to be very distant with your son,

cold, never really hug it out. Oh my God. No problem. I'm on it. These are all the things I want for you. I don't want you at Renaissance fairs anymore. In his defense, grownups would hold swords in the Renaissance era.

So he's just in the wrong time. No, but grownups died at 30 during that era. So you would have died a long time ago. I'm writing these things down and I'm gonna get working on them. It is a cool sword. Thank you very much. I want you to drive like a Rambler.

Nash Rambler. I do drive a Jeep Wrangler with the license plate jock jams. Okay, I know, but that's not growing up. It's not helping. I want your vanity play Jock Jams. Okay, I know, but that's not growing up. We're not helping. I want your vanity plate to say, put a pond. And I want you to just be bent over in your car and I want you to be moving figures around all day on a big ledger. And then you go home and you hate your home life and you hate your work life.

That's what I want for you. That's called being an adult. Get a 401k for Chris St. Yeah, let's play more Willy Loman. Yeah, exactly. There you go. Hey, you said something that relates to a book. Nice, I know.

Let's pop the champagne. You said the magic? They said it wouldn't happen, wow. The meteor just passed the sun. What a dick. What a dick. No, I mean something that exists and you have to have read and then you remembered it and you said it. It was apt. That's fucking crazy.

Confetti comes down. It's like the 10,000th customer. And when she did it, bang! There was a look in her eyes like, you gonna go for this? Is it gonna work? Is this gonna take? Oh my god. That was great. You know the DJ Willie Lohman?

DJ Willie Lohman. He Willie, no, Lohman. Oh no. He plays the encore in Vegas on Sundays. Oh no. DJ Willie Lohman. Oh man, I knew it wasn't the right Willie Lohman. Oh. Yeah, anyway, Blay, work on that.

But I don't wanna put you down in any way. What? You know, you love. You don't wanna put him down in any way. No, I just think you should. You just criticized his whole life. Every ounce of it. Every ounce of his life.

That's not true. I like your sister. She's very nice. She does a great job. I don't want to put you down in any way. L.L. Bean makes getting outside more comfortable. And that's because they believe everyone deserves time with nature. It doesn't need to be epic. Looking at the stars or walking the dog are great outdoor activities. You know, on a chilly night, L.L. Bean's puffer blankets can do it all.

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or at your local bar or liquor store. Please remember to always pig out responsibly. ["Wiskey Wins"] Hey, what was it? There was one point where it got really crazy, where you and I were fighting. We were arguing about something about comedy points. And Matt left. I don't know, but it was so stupid.

Matt left. But you and I couldn't let it go. And it reminded me of the early days when you were first working for me. And we're like, there's a lot of stuff to do. I had a late night show to do. And we would get into this total, these bullshit arguments, and each one would say last word,

and then we'd go like, nope, last word, and we couldn't let it go, and it actually sometimes stalled the start of a late night show. It was a lot of like, okay, well, I won, I won, I won. And then it just became, it was so, it was so stupid. And it took me back to when I, me and Danny used to fight. My brother and I used to fight.

And we were like 12 and we would do that. I'm like your older brother, Danny. Who I admire by the way, I admire that fellow. Don't admire Danny. He's cool. I don't like that. I know why you admire him and I don't like it. He's cool, he's a cool guy, he was a jock.

He is a cool guy. And good looking. Yeah, he was a jock. He is a cool guy. And good looking. Yeah, he was like the cool guy in school. Yeah, I was never that, so I look up to him. Okay. You know? I was the kid they tied. Hey, Danny, what's going on?

I was the kid they taped with masking tape to the flagpole, upside down. Pantsless. Pantsless. Did it have anything to do with you oddly rubbing your elbow in some strangely sexual way? I'm slightly sunburned there. Okay. No, no, just saying. Pantsless. Pantsless. Did it have anything to do with you oddly rubbing your elbow in some strangely sexual way?

I'm slightly sunburned there. No, no. Just say, if I start rubbing my own body, that's my business. No, I went on a mic ride. And you know what? I put, this is apropos of absolutely nothing, but I'm pretty good at putting on sunscreen. And I think I put it on, I was talking to my wife and some friends who were visiting and then I just forgot to do the upper part of this arm and I got back from the, you know, and it's just like.

Look at that. It's like a Neapolitan ice cream. It is. I could take a bite and it's got the little freckles. You just want to bite it. Yum, yum, yum, yum. That reminds me, you were not feeling well during these summer s'mores. That's right.

You were sick. You're feeling better now. I did. I was traveling for work and somewhere running around, not sleeping enough. And I got a chest cold and it was just in my chest and would not go. And now you'll admit it. You wouldn't admit it on the sessions.

You kept saying, I was sick and I'm getting better now. And you were just sick for a while. Yeah, but what I meant was, because my father drilled this into us, is I had already had it for about a week and a half. So I knew that I wasn't contagious. But you were sick. Yeah, I didn't feel good.

I was coughing a lot, didn't sound great. No. And you were sick for a while, like a long time. Well, you know. Pfft. I don't like to brag, but yeah. It's a real accomplishment. How do you do it?

Well, you know, just immune system kind of fails. You are so cool. Yeah, I just got tired and then I got sick. That's how I used to come on to ladies back in the day. I talk about how my immune system failed me. Yeah. And I got sick and then I ladies back in the day. That's cool. I'd talk about how my immune system failed me. Yeah. And I got sick and then I was sick for a while. Oh, really?

Panty dropper. Yeah. What? What's that? I said you came and talked about your immune system. It was a panty dropper. That's the phrase? No.

The girls dropped their panties. You mean a panty razor. Panty razor, yeah. Panty constructor, yeah. Yeah, but I, so what? I had a little bit of a cough, a little bit of a hoarse voice, but I recovered and I'm in fine fettle now. Yeah, congrats.

Thanks. Now I know that what you would have done, which is anytime I used to come in and I wasn't feeling well, Sona would say garlic. And I learned from you, that's absolutely true. Eat whole garlic. I do that. And you can feel it,

it's like lightning coming out of your pores. Are you doing a bit? No. You've actually tried it? Yeah. It is, it works. It is, it works. Yes, everything we need is in the earth.

Oh boy, Alta Dina, here we come. No, no, that's not true. It is not in the earth. No, there's so much stuff we need that's not in the earth. But if you have a very simple cold, all I do is I do actually eat garlic That's not true. It is not in the earth. There's so much stuff we need that's not in the earth. If you have a very simple cold, all I do is I do actually eat garlic

and then I drink lots of tea with lemon and honey and that's all I do. And she works every time. She? Yeah. Mother nature. Oh, mother nature. Okay, I see.

But you're welcome. I mean, just you're welcome. Oh yeah, thank you for mentioning that garlic can be helpful. Yeah, you're welcome. I mean, just you're welcome. Oh, yeah, thank you for mentioning that garlic can be helpful. Yeah, you're welcome. Something that wasn't known. Well, I'm glad, listen, it brought us closer together or it drove us further apart.

I think the latter. I don't think we learned much. And I don't know, you know, it's up to the fans. The fans will tell us. We learned a new story about you that you had to vamp as Uncle Sam as a young man for a summer camp. Oh my God. And that is one of the times I can count on one hand when I've had sympathy for you.

Yeah, yeah. I've had some tough times. That sounded rough. It sounded very rough, yeah. I was, man, I wish the coyotes had sat upon me as Uncle Sam and torn me apart. That was a rough one. Yeah. It's a moment where sometimes you're out there I wish the coyotes had sat upon me as Uncle Sam and torn me apart. That was a rough one. Yeah, and it's a moment where sometimes you're out there

and you're in the night and you start to, your guard comes down a little bit and you start to talk and you start to get to know each other a little better and you think after all this time, how could I get to know Sonamma Sessi and Amat Gorley a little better and why would I want to? But then you're in that situation and you do. It's an onion.

It's a perpetual onion. There's more and more layers. We went through a lot. There was the rending of an animal's body by other wild animals and it was traumatic. And so, yeah. You know what would have made it open up even more is alcohol early on in the series.

Maybe a little gummy for you next time. I will gummy it up. We talked about that, yeah. Maybe you should. If you'll gummy for you next time. I will gummy it up. We talked about that, yeah. If you'll gummy it up with me, will you gummy it up with me? I don't know if I would. That's not my thing. It's not my thing.

I have to be, I have to think for the show. Grr. Yeah. I have to be sober. Well, I'm sorry, I'm a little sick. Couldn't you take like schedule the next day off so you had a buffer,

and then the three of us, we take a gummy, and just a little bit. Because I'm, you know, I wouldn't go deep either, but we could do that and just see where see what happens. It'll be a giggle fest. Yeah. We'd have a real good time. You know, some laughs for the first time, huh?

Yeah, think about all manufactured from a drug. Okay, well, what could be the problem? We're just high. I'm sorry, I'm a professional and I have to uphold certain standards. And also, I think there are a lot of young people that look up to me. I don't think this podcast has any standards. And it's not illegal. And no young people look up to me.

Yeah. All right, we'll talk about it. I'm not saying definitely yes right now, but we'll talk about it. But listen, I wanna say thank you, thank you to Sona for having us over. Thank you, Matt, for of course always, being the camp counselor

and making sure that everything runs smoothly. And I'd like to thank myself for lending whatever it is I bring to the table, which some would say is... Hard to quantify. Well, it's really like 98%. Also thank Jiz Shtekman. You know, Shtekman, he's a good man. He's partner of the firm Shtekman and Shtekman.

Not related. Yeah, that's true. Jizz and jizz. Jizz and jizzier. Jizz and jizzier. That's incredible. You guys, you always aim for the stars, reach for the stars, and if you fall, you still.

You introduced him. He's your friend. I did not say that it was related to semen in any way. Oh, people hear the word jizz and don't think about semen. There are other ways, I told you. There's lots of jizz. In what way have you ever heard jizz

where it's not talking about semen? I can tell you, it's the type of music that the aliens play in the canteen in Star Wars. Oh, come on. It's not jazz, it's jizz. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, great jizz. No, it's in the lore. Yeah, it's in the lore. It's in the lore. No, no, no one says it. It's called Jizz Whalen. Yeah.

Who says, no one says it? Not in the movies. Do you just have to be a real Star Wars dork to know that? I don't know, I wouldn't know, someone told me. I didn't ask for it, I didn't seek it out, I swear. Oh, no, I think someone made that up. It's also, it's like the smallest sale I think on a schooner is the jizz. That is not true! It is, yeah, yeah. There are on a schooner is the jizz. That is not true.

It is, yeah. There are no other times people use the word jizz. It's true, hoist the jizz. We're coming in, we're hardly. All right, I'm gonna call it. You guys are the worst. Oh, that's right. And God bless us everyone.

Bye. Summer S'mores with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Leal, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by The White Stripes.

Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message.

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