Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Suspiciously Healthy

Episode Date: January 9, 2025

Conan chats with Eugenia in Madrid about how to help her Irish-American boyfriend get more comfortable with Public Displays of Affection. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: teamcoco.com/apply Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan.

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Wanna talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Eugenia Fernandez de los Ronderos Jimenez. That's me. That's too long. Too long.

I know, always traveling the customs when I try to get to see my family in the US, but yeah. Okay, so that's, so tell me how to pronounce your name. I wanna make sure I say it correctly. Eugenia. Eugenia, I am Conan-do. Okay. I can't tell that Conan-do.

See, tell us Eugenia, tell me a little bit about yourself. Where are you right now in the world? So right now I'm in Madrid, Spain, home from my house and I work here as a physician resident in a hospital. Okay. Very good. You work in a hospital and you take care of people. That's very good. I like that. You mentioned that you have American relatives.

Is that true? Yeah. My fiance, he's American. He's Irish-American, Sean Dempsey. I like how your accent dropped on that. Yeah. Wait. Your fiance is Irish-American and his name is Sean Dempsey. Here in Spain, people call him Chong Chang. Seeing if they see it written,

these people cannot really pronounce his name. So. Yeah. Well, I'm sure anything's okay with Sean. Yeah. Yeah, he always might want, sometimes when he gets tired. Yeah, guess what? He's not gonna really say his name, right? The Irish, we just don't care.

As long as we're welcomed in and someone has something to drink and something to eat, we're fine. You's really saying his name, but. The Irish, we just don't care. As long as we're welcomed in and someone has something to drink and something to eat, we're fine, you know? Call me whatever you want. And that's how it is here. So tell me a little bit, how did you meet this guy? We met in 2016. He went to study abroad.

He came actually to my hometown, Seville, in southern Spain. A lot of Americans go to study there abroad, actually. And we fell kind of in love, but it didn't make any sense. I was 19 and I was studying medicine. After a year we met again, and that's how we decided, like, even one year we couldn't meet anyone that beat that. Well, I don't think it's that...

Okay, Eugenia, I don't think it's that you couldn't meet anyone, I just think he was the special one. He was the one. He was the one. I don't think you should go around telling him. He's fine. I waited and when it just, no one came along. You'll do.

You'll do. He's fine. He's got used to the Spanish way of being in a relationship with Spanish women, so he's fine. Okay, well, what are the differences, say, between a Spanish woman and an Irish Catholic guy? What's the thing that, what's the biggest difference between you?

How have you had to change him? That's tough, because I think we actually have a lot of things in common, like Southern Spanish people and Irish people. But probably like the drinking culture, it sounds weird, but we can start drinking at 12 in the noon, like 12 PM, and then drink at 4 AM after being the whole day with our friends,

eating and everything, but he and you guys like struggle with that type of culture when you get smashed in 30 minutes. Well, hold on a second. You guys, well, wait a minute. Hold on a second. Let's clean up a few things here at Eugenia, if that's even your real name. You're saying that you guys can start drinking at noon

and you can go to 4 a.m. and it's no problem, right? That you can tolerate it, you're fine, you pace yourselves. And are you saying that what does he and his family do that's different? Just, I mean, it's the less, yeah, start earlier, way earlier, like breakfast early, and finish before lunch. And maybe, okay, Sean may have a problem.

Yeah, this might not be an Irishman. I don't think it's that, I mean, so he's starting at breakfast, and then at noon he sort of passes out. He's been four years in Spain, he's got a rehab since. What? Oh shit. He's been four years in Spain, he's got a rehab since. What? Oh shit. He's been four years in Spain,

already living here with me. So he came along with the culture here and now he's totally fine. Oh, okay. We thought you meant, we thought you meant he went to rehab and suddenly we weren't laughing. And it wasn't a joke. But now that we've learned he hasn't gone to rehab,

we think it's really funny again. Yeah, yeah, because he's- Language barrier. And now it's fantastic. Now it's fun when you can laugh about it. What about, okay, drinking aside, what are other things that maybe were different about the two of you?

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I think the biggest main thing at the beginning of our relationship was PDA. We don't have that in Spain or Europe. What do you mean? You don't have- Public display of affection. You don't show affection publicly or you do?

We do and we don't care about what other people think. So it was very violent for him at the beginning. He was raised part of his life in the Midwest. Oh boy. So, yeah. But then he taught me about that and I learned to respect it because it's a cultural difference. At the beginning I thought he didn't like me

because he was like kind of running away. Oh no, let me explain something to you, Eugenia. I think it is a very Irish thing, which is we are kind of uptight and we don't show a lot of public displays of affection. Whereas of course, I know it's a, but when I think about Spain, I think of people being very open with their emotions.

And so- You don't even know what to do with your hands right now. Oh, you want me to simulate? You want to simulate? No, I don't want to. No, okay then. Then shut up! But I think that you're like trying to find the words.

You can't even. You can do private displays of affection. He's speaking Spanish. He's got a plumbing push. Eugenia. Eugenia, let me explain something to you. I've been married for 21 years and my wife has never seen me naked.

Never. When I take a shower, I'm wearing a business suit. But this is her choice though, right? That she, well, she saw me once and she said, I demand that you wear a five piece suit. I didn't even know what a five piece suit was. But Eugenia, there is a difference, which is, we're more repressed. And I think, but I've learned,

I've learned I'm heavily medicated. I also drink a lot and I live now in Southern California and I've changed a little bit. And I think I could talk to Sean and I could help him with his fear of public displays of affection because you're a very beautiful woman. I think he should be able to embrace you openly.

What is that? You are so awkward. Oh my God, it's like you're holding a tuba. That is so awkward. Well, listen, I'm assuming she's wearing a parka. It's cold, sometimes it gets cold. Is it a hug, are you hugging? What are you doing with your hand?

I'm sorry, I don't know how to act this out. Eugenia. Oh my God. I'm gonna talk to- Hugging through your finger, yeah. No, no, no, you're a very beautiful woman. I was just, I don't wanna put even on your imaginary self, I don't wanna get too close because of, I think that's, you know, the whole me too thing.

So I'm being very, I'm showing even an imaginary way, I'm showing a lot of respect and distance. A lot of space. I'm giving you your space. But anyway. Pretty marital counseling we get for Sean, I think. Maybe you could show him a little bit the ways. What?

He would show you? You want me to show Sean, give him some premarital counseling on how to be more affectionate in public? No. Maybe it could be a two way kind of relation where maybe your wife will be also happy that he tells you some tips about it

since you're also struggling. No, no, no. Listen, we're not getting my wife involved in this. Okay? And it's not a two way if my wife's involved. Listen, you can, yeah, I feel for Sean, because I know what he's going through. We are an uptight people. And so what you're saying is,

and I'd like you to actually say this, you think, do you think that I could come and help Sean with his public display of affection issues? I think you'd be very helpful if you with Sean and his public display of affection issues. You think I could maybe help him and coax him to be a little more of a Latin lover, so to speak. Yeah, like a coach, like a kind of a coaching.

Eduardo's laughing really hard right now. That's okay, I'm getting what I need to get. Can you choose someone that can speak the dead language of Latin? No, I know exactly what I'm doing and I won't be pulled off track. Okay. Why, you idiots. So when is this wedding taking place? It's March 15th next year in Seville.

Okay. Spain. I'd very much like to be at that wedding. Oh boy. You will be very welcome. I think, I don't know what your wedding planner skills are, but I really need help with my Irish American guests over 30 to navigate the Spanish drinking culture and also Sean's fear of displaying affection

in our own wedding. Okay, this is what I wanted to say. I would happily help plan your wedding, okay? I would do that. I would plan your wedding. And my first, my only recommendation is that the Irish Americans are restrained in their seats. And that no alcohol is anywhere near them.

And all the Spanish people can drink as much as they want, but not a drop for these Irish bastards. Not a drop. And so- Do you think that's an easy job? I think I can handle it. Let's just say I've been down this road before. So yeah, I will help you navigate this because-

Thank you. I know what you're going through. And I feel like I have, clearly I understand where Sean is coming from. You know, he's shy. He doesn't know about making out in public. What's wrong with that? Did you make up that he's shy? He might not be a shy person. Wait, he's not shy?

He could surprise you. Yeah. You think he's going to make a pass at me? He might be funnier and pump some jokes. They're like, oh, wow. I thought you were shy. Oh, OK. OK. Yeah. No, I just meant physically. That's all. Physically shy. I thought you meant like he's a shy person. No, no, no. I just meant physically shy about in public display of affection. If you're not having a great time with her, it's you guys.

I can't seem to get in sync with. You should try reading the research. What's that? I wonder what's this. It's interesting because with like, for example, like in flamenco dancing, it's very expressive type of dancing. Yep. And then you have to be like, Oh, I wonder what's this? No, it's interesting, because with like, for example,

like in flamenco dancing, it's very expressive type of dancing. Yep. And when he dances flamenco, he actually does a good job. He expresses himself well, but in other fields, he doesn't succeed as much. Like what? Like what other fields? Like showing real affection.

Like what you said, like physical affection. Yeah. Like in public. In public, yes, I'm sure. Listen, all Irish men, we're a little stilted and stuff in public, but in private, we are very passionate. And I am, I'm sorry.

I'm gonna speak up. I've never heard that. What's that? Never heard that before. I've never heard that. What's that? Never heard that before. You've never heard that before. She's engaged to an Irishman. You know, I'm not sure I can make this wedding. I want to help you, but you've got to work with me here

and at least pretend that I'm a very, just pretend that I'm a very sensual man. I've seen you in other stuff and I think you can pull your sensual self when you want to. Yes. Yes. No, it's very true. I can be very sensual when the time comes. When it's time, then I can be quite sensual. When the time comes. When the appropriate moment has arrived. 7.30 PM, time to be sensual. And see Alice.

Saturday night for 10 minutes. See Alice will make sure you're ready when the time comes. All right, well, you know, I'm gonna do my best by you. Um, all right, well, you know, um... I'm gonna do my best by you. I really would like to try and help you. I'm obviously much older than Sean. I'm a very old man. I'm sure you can see-

You don't look that old, I have to be honest. Oh, really? You keep yourself in good shape, yeah. Oh, thank you, I try. Yeah, you can tell. I haven't had any work done on my face yet. Yeah, I suspiciously, you look suspiciously healthy. Conan O'Brien, suspiciously healthy.

Wait a minute. I look suspiciously healthy. What are you doing to look bad, John? Do you think that I'm doing something to my face or to my body? I think it's either Botox or that you're using a lot of sunscreen because of your skin tone and everything,

which could be both, but- Well, first of all, I will tell you, I've never ever done Botox ever in my life because I'm a comedian and I always worried like that, you know, that stuff freezes up your face and this thing's my money maker. Oh my God. But I don't use a lot of sunscreen.

I just have never gone outside in my life. Okay, that explains a lot. Sexy, huh? Does Sean go outside much? He does and he gets burned. That's why he uses a lot of cream, sunscreen. Yeah, yeah. It's always good when a man applies many creams.

Yeah, it's not sexy at all to wear sunscreen all the time. Well, it's not sexy to say, I'll be right with you, Eugenia, for our walk where I never touch you outside. But first, I must apply my creams. That's not good. Yeah, yeah. I wish holding hands.

It's actually eye contact. Like that's probably the first base. Wait, he doesn't make eye contact with you? Eye contact is hard, yeah, for him. Have you had his eyesight checked? Maybe he can't see you. Maybe he's so drunk by noon. Maybe he doesn't know which Eugenia to look at.

I love you and I love her. I mean, yeah. Well, is Sean aware of my tomfoolery? Has he ever listened to the podcast or anything? He has, yeah. He went back to you through me. I brought you back to him and he also is a huge fan. That's nice.

That's important for me to know. It is, yeah, respect. Because if he's not a fan, I'm not gonna help him. No, I mean, you can always pretend, but. Does he know that you're getting advice about your relationship from Conan on here today? He's aware and he wishes he could be here with me, but I think he was surprised, you know what.

I think he was surprised, you know what? I think, Eugenia, I am, I would like to help you. I really would, and I'd like to talk to him. Cause as I say, I know where he's coming from. I used to be, believe it or not, I used to be an uptight Irish guy, but I've changed. I live in Southern California, and I've done a lot of work on my body.

I've read the Kama Sutra. Oh, boy. Oh, God. Yeah, I didn't know it was the Kama Sutra. I thought it was an in-flight manual. In some ways it is. Yeah, I thought it was what to do in case of a crash. I didn't know why these people were getting together

during a plane crash, but anyway. So, but I feel like I could be, and I also would like to get in touch with my, I think I have an inner Latin side, an inner Spanish side that should come out. I think every, not every, but many Irish Americans do have a Latin, repressed Latin soul in them, and when they release them, it's like a very interesting experience I will get on camera, yeah. Very. Yeah interesting experience. I will get on camera. Yeah.

Yeah. Very good. I'll be recording. Yeah. So you can. Well, I did not wish my sensual side to be recorded. We did that once and it's doing very well in Switzerland. It's a film.

I'm trying to live down, but I performed well. Listen, I want to thank you for talking to us, and I wanna wish you and Sean the best. He's got an ins- Thank you so much. What'd you say? I'm just so defeated. Well, I just looked over at Sona

and this is what she was doing. Wait, what's wrong with you? Yeah, what do you mean what's wrong with me? Why are you defeated? I just don't want, I don't wanna to hear so much about your sexual prowess. And I think that it's kind of sad that you're saying so much. I'm only talking about it so much

because of my failings. Yeah, but you- Oh wait, that is sad. That is sad. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you get very squeamish when women talk about like certain parts of their bodies and you're gonna go teach this guy

about how to be more sexual. It's just, it's just fun. Well, Sona, you're gonna go teach this guy about how to be more sexual. It's just funny. Well, Sona, you're a little, Sona's a little extreme. She talks about things that normal people don't talk about. Oh, okay. She's very graphic. And I don't think, I don't get that sense from

Eugenia Fernandez de los Ronderos Jimenez. Okay. You know what I mean? I don't think she's walking around talking about various graphic things. I think she just wants some eye contact and some more little sensuality from her man. That's all you want, yes?

Yep, exactly. And show us again how you're gonna hold her. Yeah. I'm gonna teach him to hold you like this. Like burping a baby. Like a koala. Yeah. I'm giving you a e hold you like this. Like a burping baby. Like a koala. Yeah. A tree.

I'm giving you a eucalyptus leaf. Ooh. Yeah. Okay. You went ooh, wasn't that kind of sensual, the eucalyptus leaf? You learned that in Kamasutra? It's the special Australian edition, yes.

Well, Eugenia, I love talking to you. Congratulations on your upcoming, I love this word, nuptials. And tell Sean that Conan says hey, and Conan's gonna help him. Thank you so much, Conan. Thank you so much, guys. Nice to meet you all.

Bye-bye. See you later, bye-bye. Adios, bye. Conan O'Brien needs a fan. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leal. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer, Aaron Blair., Associate Talent Producer Jennifer Samples, Associate Producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm.

Engineering by Eduardo Perez. You'll get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com slash Conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are down.