Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 214. Hol' Up
Episode Date: October 13, 2021🎟 Catch the uncut/extended episode +1 entire bonus episode per month + Discord stuff & exclusive content over on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia In this week's episode Chris reviews The Guilty/Den ...Skyldige, talks about his activism within Red Dead Redemption, and boy does he hate the term gaslighting. It's also the return of Missed Connections! 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Hey guys, welcome to yet another episode of Congratulations.
Crazy. Crazy's it. It's a cult.
We're off and running. We have a new episode of Congratulations.
Got some stuff in my notes ate some pasta no i'm
sorry i didn't eat the pasta i ate chicken and rice and then i ate a cheese ball a fried cheese
ball and my stomach is a nut yay may have to stop to go number two yay don't want to start it off
gross or as calvin would say that's what he does whenever someone says gross he goes
and it melts my heart um but that's that's what's up dude workouts been okay sorry strong guys sorry
to break your heart strong guys i'm just so goddamn sorry and um things are good i'm wearing
the make friends in the comments uh pink long sleeve shits just ready to kind of peek in a fall
you know what i mean i mean i know it's been fall but fall just kind of opened the door a little bit
it opened the door slowly like you're trying to peek into the room in it. It's just opening the door slowly.
Falls just opening the door,
peeking in right now.
That's what falls doing.
Uh,
it's not wide open.
It's not with arms wide open,
but it's,
it's peeking in.
And,
uh,
and that's what's happening,
uh,
season wise.
So,
uh,
but we got that merch here,
crystal.com go over there.
And then we've got the new life rips colorway and it's called sandstorm.
And I is so Franken sick that I can't even believe it, dude.
It's so Franken sick.
It should come with a thermometer.
It doesn't though.
Um, but it's yeah, it's sandstorm.
It's fucking that it's that sand color.
It's the color of my old G wagon I used to have.
And it, you know, it was inspired by that dude.
And the writing is, is, is, uh, it says life rips and it's black and it's just so
killer dude.
And it's like just peeking in the door for fall, man.
You know, when I think of merch, when I think of what I'm designing and how I'm doing it,
I think of how it works season wise.
And this new merch with the friends in the comments and the life rips and all the shits,
man, it's just peeking in the door at fall. That all it's doing it's just opening the door and popping its head
in like anyone anyone home that's what it's doing and it's doing that to fall that's what it's doing
it's all good i'm healthy and um so we're having a we're having a good time over here at the
congratulations another thing let's get this shit out of the way dude because we're we're proud but
try not to show one Fire's reflection in it
But we can show Cooper's reflection in it
There's Cooper right there being a good boy
But the more Chris D'Elia channel is
We got over
I don't know, we have like 150,000 followers
On there, but it's been good because we've been doing those
With Chris videos and the clips
It's got the clips on it, it used to be called clips for the babies
And we changed it because we want to broaden our horizon
It's all good, but You know how that goes, we're moving up And the clips, it's got the clips on it. It used to be called Clips for the Babies. And we changed it because we want to broaden our horizon.
It's all good.
But you know how that goes.
We're moving up.
But we have fun with the Jeremy Renner sting.
We have fun with it. But we're not going to overdo it.
Not this time.
We're not going to overdo it.
But you know when I get spicy, you never know what's going to happen.
But anyway, so what do we do now?
What did we do all week? Think about what you did to happen. But anyway, so what do we do now? What did we do all week? Think about
what you did this week. Think about what you did this week and the week you had. Let it all go.
Just let it all go. This is a silly goose time we're going to have. Like I say, fuck NPR. We're
just going to have a good time. Maybe you turned off NPR because you got the notification that
congratulations is coming on, right? And you were just like, you know what? I don't want to learn about fucking air conditioning in the 1950s.
I'd rather hear a silly goose time.
And that's why you're here.
And that's why this is a cult, right?
That's why this is a cult.
Fucking, we don't say his name, but fuck Jared Leto.
We don't, you know, we don't, we don't ever say his name here at this congratulations shit.
But fuck Jared Leto.
He was trying to do a cult, but we don't say his name.
But he is not even in the discussion, dude.
Right?
He's not in the discussion.
So he can try and do a cult and everything, but it's not that.
Jared Leto can, but we don't say his name.
But it's just, he's not like, he's not like me.
If you see like, you know what I mean?
Two cult guys walking up to each other.
One's me and one's Jared Leto or whoever.
We don't say his name.
We know who's coming out on top, right's the babies in full force so that's what
we got going on um but yeah i'm a gamer and that's it i've streamed way too many times to not be a
gamer and i used to say i was a gamer and a little insecurity would would would peak in you know a
little insecurity would peak in but now no insecurity peaks in because i'm i'm a gamer
dude i game till 3 a.m last night went to bed kristen didn't even hear me come into bed and
then woke up in the morning and then had a whole day and then in in the evening i was like i think
i'm gonna play red dead redemption 2 again and she goes like this oh really and i said yup and
she said wow i said i know i'm all backwards Cause I, I streamed so much last night and she was like, oh, um, when did you go to bed?
And I said, three o'clock.
And that was not a lie, but it was a little bit after three o'clock.
It was like three 15, but I kind of like, you know what I mean?
I shaved 15 minutes off of it.
And she goes and she says, wow.
And I said, I know, but honey, I'm a gamer now.
And I'm sorry, dude.
I'm sorry, but I'm a gamer.
So follow us over on flex Avenue. We're having a good time, dude. I shot a fucking Ram. You know what I do, I know, but honey, I'm a gamer now. And I'm sorry, dude. I'm sorry, but I'm a gamer.
So follow us over on Flex Avenue.
We're having a good time, dude.
I shot a fucking ram.
You know what I do, dude?
I'm going to tell you something about these video games, dude.
First of all, not, you know, much like other things.
I thought, I thought that maybe some, this is what I'm realizing about myself when I'm trying new things.
And honestly, trying video games is a new thing for me.
So what I'm telling you is it's not going to be the whole thing that I don't like. Like I don't like sports, right? But
I'm sure that there's a sport out there that I would like to play. I'm very active. You know,
I'm sort of breaking heart strong guys, but I'm very strong. I'm very active, right? Weightlifting.
That's kind of a thing I like. I like throwing around a kettlebell. You know what I'm talking about? And, um, but so that's what I like
doing. And so there are video games, which I don't like as a whole, there are video games I do like,
and that's where dead redemption too. And I love that game and I could do whatever I want.
And, uh, I'm spreading activism in the game. That's what I'm doing. I'm an activist in a red
dead redemption too. And I did a, um, a stream. I didn't realize how much of an activist in a Red Dead Redemption 2. And I did a stream.
I didn't realize how much of an activist I was until I did a stream on Red Dead Redemption.
And this guy, this old timer, this guy with like one of those ring around hairs with no hair on the top, but it was long like that.
I don't know why some people actually have that cut still now, dude.
There will be bald guys that are completely cue bald and then a ring around hair with, and it's long.
But what, but what are you
doing though? Right. But what are you doing growing it long when you don't even have it on top,
but what are you doing though? Right. Are you a friar? No, because there are no friars anymore.
So this guy with one of those long, it's like your, you know what it's like, it's like your
ears are wearing a cape. That's what it looks like. Right. And so this guy was wearing his, his, you know, his, his,
his ears were wearing a cape and he had on this fucking vest and a nice tie. You know,
how everyone used to dress up before 1960, no matter what, no matter what time period it was,
everyone dressed up, everyone fucking dressed up. It doesn't matter what 1920s, everyone was
wearing like a suit and shit.
1940s, hey, what's going on, kid?
You know, like that kind of shit.
And then way back into the fucking King's time, they were all decked out and shit.
Or you were a knight, right?
Or you just couldn't afford clothes.
But if you had clothes, you were dressing to the fucking nines before 1960.
1960, people were like, what are we fucking doing, dude?
Let's roll around in the mud. Let's wearie shit let's fucking kiss each other we don't need to be dressed for that
you know i mean the back then you know in the 40s and 50s people had t-shirts but they were
ne'er-do-wells so anyway i fucking i asked this guy it's become socially acceptable to wear a
t-shirt ever since 1960 is what I'm saying.
But anyway, so I'm in Red Dead Redemption 2 and this guy asked me to go get his pocket
watch.
He asked me to go get his old gun.
That's an antique.
And he asked me to go get his ledger.
Now, if you play Red Dead Redemption 2, you'll understand what I'm saying.
But if you don't play it, you don't understand what I'm saying yet.
And that's good because you can come along on the story with me.
Come on, dude.
I was playing it for the first time, just like you're hearing it for the first time.
So this old guy asked me to do the thing.
And I went and I found this guy's pocket watch.
I found his old gun, which by the way, there were already two thieves in his house saying,
Hey, partner, this is, we already found this house.
And I said, and I had to fucking risk my life.
I got the gun from the guy.
Of course, I looted him.
I got about fucking a dollar and a half,
which is loaded back then.
And then I found the ledger.
I read the ledger.
I read the ledger a little bit.
And then I stopped it.
And I was like, what's going on?
I was like, what's going on?
I don't want to have to read this whole thing.
And somebody in the chat says,
basically, he's just not a good guy. Somebody on the Flex Avenue chat says, you know what? He's not on? Right. I was like, what's going on? I don't want to have to read this whole thing. And somebody in the chat says, basically, he's just not a good, a good guy. Somebody on the
Flex Avenue chat says, you know what? He's not a good guy. Just go ahead and return the ledger.
So I returned the ledger. And as I'm, I get to the guy with the fucking skirt around his ears,
right. With the cape, like his ears have a cape on it. Remember that guy in the beginning of this
story, I give him the ledger and my character's mad at him. He's like, Hey man, I don't know why
you wanted this fucking ledger.
You shouldn't be doing this and that.
And I'm like, well, what the fuck is going on here?
My character's mad, but I'm not in this game.
Right.
Cause you know me, when I go full force, I go full force.
When I go do something, it's all in.
And I realized I'm cheating myself and I'm cheating flex Avenue on Twitch.
I'm cheating it.
And it's only,
we're hurting the experience, right?
So I say to the chat,
why is this guy so mad?
And somebody says,
oh, well,
you just found out that he owns slaves.
Now you know
what we believe as a cult on congratulations, okay?
Slavery is not good, all right?
I've said it before in this podcast, and I will say it again, and I will say it until
my heart stops beating, okay?
Slavery is not a good thing to do, all right?
I've always said that.
You know, there's a lot of flip-floppers politicians going to,
you know, Joe Biden used to be like, oh yeah, I think only men and women should get married.
We have no place for gays.
And now he's all like, Hey, gay it up.
I got flags printed, right?
Flip-flopping and flip-flopping isn't necessarily a bad thing because you want to grow and evolve
as a human being.
But one thing that I'm telling you, I will never evolve from is slavery is not a good
thing to do. It doesn't matter how many decades pass, how much time ticks your boy, D'Elia will
always be against slavery. Okay. So now I'm sitting, I'm thinking, I got an audience on
flex Avenue. I'm like, how do I deal with this shit? Right. And like, yeah yeah he owned slaves and i was like whoa first of all whoa for rockstar
games for even broaching the subject whoa i mean i know this game gets bags there's a part two
already and they're working on part three i mean whoa but they broached it and even if they did try
to say see if some woke motherfuckers came after rockstar Games and was like, hey, you shouldn't be do this.
Even though it's part of history, you shouldn't have this in the video game.
It teaches the wrong message to kids.
Whoa.
They won't stop because bags, they won't stop.
Right.
Because Rockstar Games is a corporation.
What do we know about corporations?
They don't give a fuck about anything except bags.
But here I am, not the corporation.
I'm just a guy behind the fucking remote control
trying to play the game, right? And I'm like, you know what? What's the right thing to do here?
Because you could do anything in this game. I mean, I gave a donation in this game to a lady
that was trying to help homeless. And then you know what I did? She said, thanks. I took it back.
Not only did I take it back,
I took everything in her box.
I already took the donations.
All right.
Do I feel bad about that?
No, but my character might.
But what I'm saying is
not doing slavery
is a fucking thing dear to my heart.
So I hog tied him.
I hog tied him. Somebody in the chat said said he's not worth it let him go and i said he's he does slavery and we don't stand for that so a hog tied him and then i picked him up and i
brought him over to the fire because i thought it would be funny because i thought oh how funny
would it be if he caught fire but video games you know video, video games, you know them, right? They're not real life.
So I just threw him on the fire. And for like 30 seconds, he was just on the fire. And I was like,
see, video games aren't ready. They're not like real life. People are like, oh, video games are
like real life. If they're real life, then how come sometimes when I park my horse, it's standing
like that, right? Sometimes when I park my horse, it's standing literally like that. When horses would
stand like that, it doesn't look like real life in
Red Dead Redemption. It's very beautiful,
but please stop saying video
games are like real life.
So I'm just sitting, waiting, looking at
them in the fire, and I'm making fun of them because video games
aren't like real life. And I say to the chat,
I'm like, look at this, dude. It's so fucking ridiculous.
And all of a sudden, the guy fucking catches fire.
The guy starts burning alive.
The old man with the fucking cape around his ears starts rolling around hogtied and goes,
Oh my God.
And burns alive.
And I felt crazy.
So I fucking took out my dual wielding pistols and I shot him in the head so he wouldn't suffer. Right. Yeah. I wanted his life to end because he was all into slavery, but I didn't
want him to burn alive. So I shot him in the head. And then when I rode by on my horse for the rest
of the stream, I told, I told them me as Chris D'Elia, every time I rode by a my horse for the rest of the stream, I told them, me, ask Chris D'Elia.
Every time I rode by
a black person in the game, I told them
what I did. I said, I have a crazy
story for you, and I told them exactly what I did. I hogtied
the guy, and I burned him alive. So
you have a nice day.
So don't come to me
and tell me that I don't do activism.
All right?
They tried to crash my stream two times
because they don't want me doing
fucking activism shit
and Red Dead Redemption,
but it's all good.
Follow us on Flex Avenue.
Anyway, dude,
we have a silly goose time, dude.
But we also are activists.
That activism that I did
was way more than any activism show
that CBS ever did
or will ever do.
That show will never come out.
And I guarantee it.
Like that guy in the fucking Burlington Coat Factories guy, the bitch will never come out and i guarantee it like that guy in the
fucking burlington coat factories guy the bitch ass guy and i guarantee it you know the guy that
literally looks like fucking that guy's literally one of the most famous people i've ever you could
ever see if you if the burlington coat factory guy walked into a cafe is it burlington coat
factory men's warehouse yes don't even know the name, know the guy's face. Fucking raps. The Men's Warehouse guy, if he were to walk into a cafe
and you were there, you would be like, that's the, I guarantee it guy. You might call him the
Burlington Coat Factory guy, but you'd know the face dude. That guy, I swear to God, the Burlington
wait, no, it's fucking, what is it? Men's Ware, the men's warehouse guy. If there was a fame off in America, I don't know what it's like in fucking Denmark or
whatever, but if there was a fame off, I shit you not. I mean it, including Tom Cruise, including
The Rock, including Gerard Butler, including the guy from fucking Home Alone who, who, uh,
what's his kid name? What's the fucking, who's all, Macaulay McLaughlin, dude, including those
guys. Okay. Including everybody.
All right.
If you took the fucking, not the Burlington coat factory, but what's the guy, the fucking
men's warehouse guy, he would come in and I shit you not 112.
That's the 112 most famous person in the world.
That's how many times they ran that commercial.
They still run it.
They still run it.
And guess what?
The shit's out of business, but he'll still pop up on your TV and a different commercial and be like, I guarantee it. Remember me from men's warehouse.
He's so recognizable, that guy. And if you're a fucking Indian baby, or if you're a fucking,
you know, uh, in our, in an Arctic baby or a fucking, you know, where do they not get this
congratulations podcast, but you still stream it from wherever you might not know this guy,
but in America, this guy is so fucking famous he's 112 famous person in the world okay uh and 113 honestly is who uh
jean renault so that's you know i'm just saying that's how fucking famous the guy is he's he's
like a little bit more famous than jean rena anyway, yeah, dude, we've been playing some Red Dead Redemption and we've been doing
a lot of this stuff, a lot of the activism in there.
I went hunting for one of the legendary meats.
This is for the game guys, dude, but I went hunting for a ram and it took me 30 minutes
to hunt the ram.
I found the ram.
I shot the ram really early on.
I'm going to be honest.
I shot, I thought I had him like in the first half.
I fucking thought I had him.
You know how they say it.
And I shot him and I kept trying to get him.
I couldn't shoot him.
I couldn't shoot him.
It gets so frustrated.
All of a sudden, 30 minutes later, I'm looking at the Ram.
The Ram goes like this and falls and it hits the ground.
And I'm like, what the fuck?
Chad's laughing at me.
I'm like, all right, what happened?
And it's like, it bled out.
It bled out for 30 minutes, dude.
I kept them once, pop, pop. And then fucking the Ram bleded out. It bled out for 30 minutes, dude. I capped him once, pap, pap,
and then fucking the ram bled out 30 minutes later.
He just took a nap, dude.
I put rams to sleep.
Who am I, the Chargers?
I don't know.
No, the Chargers are the rams, maybe.
I don't even know sports really at this point.
The Chiefs, whatever it is.
Every team's got a racist name whoa we gotta lay off this fucking button in all honesty sorry to stop it in between
the fucking sting but um yeah so what else did i do this week that was way too long to talk about
video games but i will talk about this thing you know your boy you know what he is oh fucking
cooper hit the thing we got gotta move it back a little bit
Does it look okay? It looks okay right?
Okay cool fucking Cooper
Bad dog Cooper lay down Cooper lay down
Cooper lay down
Let's get him out of the room yeah cause he ruined everything
Cooper ruined everything
Cooper go go outside all good go
You're beautiful I love you but go
Um
What was I saying about the fucking, oh, dude,
you know what kind of guy I am, dude. When I do something, I'm all
in. That's what I was talking about with the activism shit.
You got to be all in in your life, no matter what
you're doing. You're playing video games. If you're doing my
new shit or if you're doing some fucking serious save the world
shit, you got to be all in. Because otherwise,
what are you doing, dude? Remember, life rips, but
life only rips as much as you make it. It's your
headspace, dude. And my
headspace is absolutely firing on all cylinders of all.
And I say cylinders, dude, this time, because I mean it.
Okay.
Be you, motherfucker.
A hundred percent.
Life hops in.
Take that ride.
So no matter what you do and you do it all in.
Now that of course is synonymous a little bit
with my addict. I'm an addict, right? We all know that I suffer from addiction. I'm in therapy.
You know, I'm in a program. I have a men's group, right? I'm an addict, but you know,
that's real talk, but it permeates into everything in my life. Now, what happened the other night was I turned on Netflix.
All right.
Now I'm a, I'm a, I'm a Hulu.
I'm going to be honest with you guys.
Okay.
I'm on Netflix a lot, but I'm a Hulu guy.
All right.
Why am I a Hulu guy?
Because I started watching things like Lego masters and some reality stuff and Gordon Ramsey stuff.
And he's on about 30% of what Hulu has, uh, for real.
I mean, Gordon Ramsey has so many cooking shows, but also he'll just pop in and like
a movie that Will Arnett is in and he'll just be like, uh, how's it going?
Get out of the kitchen.
And Will Arnett will run out of the kitchen and be like, sorry.
But, um, he's in a, you know, like he'll just be in a fucking what?
Who's that guy?
The George, the fucking who's the guy that plays the was going to be funny.
I was going to be Jeffrey was the fucking guy who got the actor, best actor, Jeffrey,
the old, old guy in the fucking Pirates of the what?
Jeffrey Rush, dude. Hell yeah, dude. He was in the fucking Pirates of the what? Jeffrey Rush, dude.
Hell yeah, dude. He was in the movie Quills.
Jeffrey Rush was in Quills, acting in Quills, and all of a sudden Jordan Ramsey was in one
of the dungeons, and he was like, get out of the kitchen.
Anyway, I was on
my Hulu guy, is what I'm saying.
You know? But I turned on Netflix
and the first thing that popped up was,
and here's how much my attic
permeates into my regular life.
I'm in.
Dude, I'm in bed and I start a movie that Jake Gyllenhaal is in.
It's a new movie that came out on Netflix and it's called The Guilty.
All right.
Now, I don't know if you know much about me and how I feel about Jake Gyllenhaal, but there's two things I feel about Jake Gy The Guilty. All right. Now, I don't know if you know much about me and
how I feel about Jake Gyllenhaal, but there's
two things I feel about Jake Gyllenhaal.
All right.
He is a fantastic actor.
No cap.
That's it.
Wrap it up.
That's it.
Wrap it up.
Right.
We're done here.
He's a great actor.
That's how good he is.
You could say that and just end on it.
Right.
That's how good of an actor Jake Gyllenhaal.
Jake Gyllenhaal is a great actor, guys.
Okay.
Let's pack up.
Let's pack up. Let's pack up.
Let's file these papers. Let's get everything all done.
I'll do the paperwork, right?
Here's another thing about Jake Gyllenhaal.
He's too weirdly buff in every part he plays, okay?
Right? Like he'll play a pizza
delivery guy and you're like, why is he so
fucking string bean jacked?
Right? Why is he
built like a shit brick house and he works at a call
center brick shit house why is he built like a fucking brick shit house and he's a fucking pilot
you know what i mean jake gyllenhaal is all like i'll be the pilot and you're just like okay you're
a fantastic actor but do kind of a you don't have to do totally what Christian Bale does. You know, Christian Bale will play fucking a vice, the vice president, Dick Cheney,
but he'll just be like, Oh, you guys know I'm Dick, I'm Dick Cheney.
Right.
And while I do this movie, there is no Dick Cheney.
That's not me.
Okay.
So here I gain fucking a hundred pounds and go bald.
Right.
You don't have to do what he does.
I think that's ridiculous.
And that'll only land you to a viral oh good for you
moment right remember that moment we know here at congar relations but um so now we're talking
about jake gyllenhaal and jake gyllenhaal is a fantastic actor but he's also weirdly string
being shit uh brick shit how strong no matter what the fuck he plays. Right. Ever since he played that
movie where he played that boxer, where his wife died and Eminem did the soundtrack. He's just
seriously string bean fucking brick shit house buff. Even when he's playing, he'll be in,
honestly, he'll do like a voice in the new ice age movie and he'll, and you'll still be like okay but he's too string bean brick shit house strong
as this squirrel right so weirdly buff fantastic actor all right so i turn on this movie the guilty
and i'm in bed with kristin and she's like you just put something on i put put it on. Now, all of a sudden we're watching the movie and this happens
so much with my lady, man. She'll tell me to turn on something. I'll turn it off. I'll get invested.
She'll tell me she doesn't like it. Anger rising. Okay. But we do therapy. So let's quell the anger.
But at this point it's too strong rising.
Now, why is it too strong?
Because Jake Gyllenhaal is a fantastic actor.
He's drawing me in.
He's doing cryings when he's not supposed to be doing cryings.
And he's not crying when you'd think he would be crying.
Right?
Like that's how Jake Gyllenhaal will be like his, he'll watch his wife get fucking shot
up by a bunch of gangsters and be like mary mary mary right but then i'll ask you for a baked potato in one scene and you'll be like
why are his eyes welling up the guy's unpredictable dude except for his body his body's predictable
we've learned that so so so now i'm watching this movie the guilty and i'm all in and she's like i
don't like i don't like stuff where like i don't like stuff stuff for like, maybe the kid, the kid dies in it. And it
seems like the kid's going to be dying in it. And I'm just like, okay, but you told me to turn it
on and now I'm invested. She says, well, why don't you just go into the, why don't you go? Why don't
you go into the, you go into a different room, you go into a different room. Now what people on
TikTok don't know is I have more than one TV. Now what, why I say that people on TikTok is because I've posted a
video where I was watching TV on TikTok and everyone says, wow, why did you hang your TV
too high above the fireplace? You should hang it lower. And they're saying it like,
I don't have another TV that might be lower and more comfortable to watch. Now let's not talk
about that because this is about the movie about Jake Gyllenhaal, but I do have more than
one TV. Okay. So I go downstairs to finish the fucking movie. I'm in therapy. I quell my anger.
I say, okay, sweetheart, good night. Be able to do our crossword puzzle and listen to murder
podcasts. And I go down now. Yes, I am watching the TV that is too high on tech talk, but it's
all good. It doesn't matter. I was watching it and it's fine to me all right so i'm watching the fucking jake children home movie
and it is 12 30 okay half of the hour the movie's over so i'm like i guess i'll watch the whole
thing it'll be over at two fuck it but the But the movie draws me in. It draws me in
really good and I feel uncomfortable and I'm not going to spoil the movie, but it's very kind of
sad what happens. But by the end, you're left with some sort of, okay, you know, that, uh,
that nice American, just the character did what he had to do, even though he was a weird,
flawed person, right? That's pretty much every American movie. No matter what the movie is, it doesn't matter
if the guy's an anti-hero, a hero, or a fucking, you know, whatever else there is. The guy in the
American movie, even though he's flawed, he kind of ends up doing usually the right thing, right?
That's usually what the American movie is about. The movie ends and I'm like, wow,
Jake Gyllenhaal sure can fucking act his way out of a paperback. You could probably put him down fucking in, you could put cement blocks, you could kill him like Lips Manless and Dick Tracy,
and he would still fucking rise to the surface by using acting. Like he could probably act his
way out of a fucking, out of cement blocks is what I'm trying to say. So I'm watching a movie and it ends.
And at the end of the movie,
it says,
um,
let me just pull it up to make sure,
uh,
it's the right thing here.
It says based on den,aldage, right? Now it says based on den skaldage.
I'm looking at this word. My first thought is I can't see what it says. Okay. My next thought is my heart beats fast am i dying because what is this word den skylage
skylage right and i think is it based on a person is it ben skylage and then i think no because i
got closer den skylage so i google ben skylage while I'm Googling, while I'm typing Ben Skyldage,
I'm thinking I have this wrong because it's not a word. And not once did I think it was a foreign
word. So I Googled Ben Skyldage and it, my phone did the thing where it was like, I was taking,
I was like, no, no, no. Back, back, back. back back back i gotta spell it and then no don't predict it it's fucking den skaldage i keep looking back back back it's not
ben skyridge it's den skaldage back back back and i finally hit the fucking x and then i google it
boom it's a movie from denmark movies based on a book fine movies tv series based on a graphic novel fine movies based on a poem
fine movies based on a story somebody told you once fine movie based on a banana fine
but when you base a movie on a movie that's already successful
you got to tell me before i watch the fucking movie fine. But when you base a movie on a movie that's already successful,
you got to tell me before I watch the fucking movie.
That's unfair. You play dirty. That's a dirty game, Netflix. And I've got a bone to pick with you. Yeah. Okay. We've definitely had our differences. I've worked for you. You cut
me out of some stuff,
whatever, we won't talk about it.
But what I will say is if I'm going to be watching a movie
that's about a movie that already happened,
you fucking tell me, hey, hold up.
There's a different movie that's actually this movie first.
But you didn't do that.
So I Googled it.
And I was all in.
Like I said in the beginning of this, I'm all in, dude.
I'm all in when I watch a fucking movie.
And when I Googled it, I thought, hmm, I wonder if I could see Den Skaldage.
I wonder if I could see Den Skaldage right now.
So I looked up where to watch Denkaldage. I wonder if I could see Denskaldage right now. So I looked up where to watch Denskaldage. And guess where you can watch Denskaldage? Hulu. Now let's go back to the
beginning of the story. I'm a Hulu boy. Okay. That's what I am. I've told you that.
So when I saw that Den Skaldage was the first movie that was the guilty on Netflix,
only it's on Hulu. And it was made by the way, not even decades ago, two years ago,
I went right to Hulu and I accessed it because I have Netflix and Hulu.
And I started watching Den Skaldage. And I have to be honest with you, even though I am all in
and my addict, this is addict behavior, by the way, through and through, even with little things
that permeates, like I said, I started watching the movie and I thought, I'm just going to watch
and see how the guy does it. If he doesn't like Jake Gyllenhaal, or how many of the lines are different or the same or whatever.
So the movie started, and Jake Gyllenhaal sure can act his way out of some cement blocks,
but this guy? This guy was the guy. This guy was doing everything that Christian Bale does,
but without all of the weight, without all of the pulling hair out of his head, he was just simply the guy.
Because I didn't know this guy. Sure, he was probably very, very famous in Denmark,
but what the fuck do I know? But he was just the guy at the call center acting with no string
being brick shit house body. He was just some guy doing the part. And that drew me in.
So I watched the whole fucking goddamn movie again. I watched it again. I watched both versions
of the movie. I watched the first movie. The first movie ended, found out about Dan Skaldage.
And then I watched the second movie and I watched the whole thing. And the movie was exactly the
same. The screenplay was the same until the end. The end is different and I watched the whole thing and the movie was exactly the same. The screenplay
was the same until the end. The end is different and I'm not going to spoil it for you guys,
but the end made the Denmark movie better. Okay. It's better.
It's better. The movie from Denmark, the Danish film is better.
it's better.
The movie from Denmark,
the Danish film,
is better.
Is Denmark Danish?
I don't know.
It's Danish.
But anyway,
it's a film,
Den Skaldage,
and it's really fucking good.
And it means the guilty.
And the guy in it is so good.
And I want to spoil it.
I want to tell you why it's a better movie,
but it's just very not American, man.
The way he fucking comes to his,
you know,
character's fruition or
whatever the fuck is just so very and i don't know i've never been there but it's very danish
and i loved it dude the moral of the story is don't fucking remake a movie okay two years later
and not dude drives also or also it says screenplay by dude you just translated it
it should literally just say translated by and then the credit should be somebody translated by
dud and matt that's what it should say that's what it should fucking say dude now i i get it dude
you know it's like you want the credit and cool and everyone needs
their credit everyone wants their fucking credit nowadays right it's so fucking like everybody's
like well if you posted my meme you better tag me and tell people i don't give a fuck dude if i
made memes out there take them as a matter of fact say my old jokes i don't give a fuck i won't even call you out on it i don't care i don't care i don't care
man there was a comedian that did my joke uh fucking uh a friend of mine the other i i told
him i was like yo just so you know i did that joke and you put it out there and and he was like
oh fucking said something and i was like look i don't give a shit man i'm just telling you in
case you want to fucking know i don't give a fuck you man. I'm just telling you in case you want to fucking know.
I don't give a fuck.
You probably thought about it on his own too.
I'm not saying he even stole it.
But like, dude, my point is just it's never, the movie's never going to be better than the original movie, right? Because if they're going to remake it, that means it's a success.
So in effect, if it's a success, just you're not going to make it better.
That doesn't mean you can't get bags.
Okay, fine. But it's, you know, Netflix wants the content, but there's a success, just you're not going to make it better. That doesn't mean you're not, you can't get bags. Okay, fine.
But it's, you know, Netflix wants the content, but there's not even a theater release.
So it's not really even making bags.
But I watched the movie.
I've been watching a lot of shit, man.
I don't mean to make this whole thing a fucking review, but it's like, whatever, dude.
I saw, I saw Squid Game.
By the way, dude, Squid Game. Okay. I'll tell you right
now. I am not a fucking hater. I tell shit how it is. You know me and I'm no cuda dude. I'm not
trying to like, like shit because of the hype. He says this while he's wearing Yeezys. Yes. Fine.
I understand. I like the look of the shoe, but still dude, I don't fucking buy the hype,
but I turned on squid game because of the hype, because I'm like, let's see what this is all about.
Maybe I could talk about it on my podcast.
Turned it on, hooked, liked it.
Is it as good as everyone's saying?
Probably not.
But it is very good.
It is good.
But everyone's acting like this show is Jesus.
And the show, in fact, is not Jesus.
It's just some show.
And it is very good
Some of the acting is very good
They draw you in
It doesn't redo the wheel
It's not like fucking Breaking Bad
That show is great
It's not Sopranos
It's not even The Wire
And sometimes in The Wire I'm like
Yeah, no, I guess it is good, right?
Everyone loved The Wire
And I'm sitting there like
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, yeah.
And I don't really know.
So I'm watching the fucking thing and it's drawing me the fuck in and I like Squid Game, dude.
I like it a lot.
I like the games they play.
They got to play games.
They got to play six games.
There's 450 people that come into a place by choice and they have to play games to They got to play six games. There's 450 people that come into a place, uh, by choice
and they have to play games to stay alive. And the, as the six games go by people die until there's
very few people left and they got to split the money. All right. That's what it's about. I summed
it up nicely. That's what it's about. And it's good. And I watched it in two, two and a half
days. Okay. I was very loserish doing this but i did it and i was
happy about it and i tried to watch it in the fucking uh voiceover shits because you could do
that on the streaming shits you could turn on audio and you could be like i'd be like you know
at first they were like and i'm reading it but i'm like kind of missing it and shit and also i
can't text my friends while i'm watching it because i gotta be reading the, but I'm like kind of missing it and shit. And also I can't text my friends while I'm watching it.
Cause I gotta be reading the shit.
So I'm like, eh, maybe I'll turn the voices shits on.
But when they do the voice acting, dude, why are they?
It's so bad.
It's worse than video games.
In video games, they'll be like, you might want to talk to the stork.
The stork has that information.
But dude, in, in, in like subtitled shit, if you turn the American or the English or the whatever, it's so bad.
They'll be like, oh, watch out.
I'm coming through.
It'll be like a guy with a stack of papers just like, oh, watch out.
I'm coming through.
And then if you turn it off and rewind it and you just read the subtitles
and you listen to it in Korean,
it's like,
and you're like, oh, they're actually acting
well.
So I turned it on for a little bit and then I turned
it back off for a little bit and I started reading it because
these people are just like, whoa,
hold on, I'm coming through.
And forget it if there's a kid.
If there's like a six-year-old in it, because the fucking actor, even if it's like a boy, a six-year-old boy, it will be like a 40-year-old woman that's like,
Hi, excuse me.
And you're just like, oh, Jesus, dude.
So I'm watching the fucking Squid Game and it's great.
And that's cool.
Good.
Yay, Squid Game.
I like it.
And you know what?
I'm a big proponent on people, Americans especially, seeing shit that isn't necessarily American.
Right?
It's a Korean series.
Great.
That's why I'm plugging Den Skaldage right now.
You got to see this movie.
It's great.
And it's Danish. and it's not American
but boy when I say did watching
that fuck up my Netflix algorithm
all of a sudden I'm like
am I
in Asia
I turn my TV on and I'm
like hola
and I'm like, hold up. And I'm like, hold up.
Am I close to Eagle Rock?
What's going on?
Hold up.
Hold up for a second.
Am I in La Cunada High School again?
Hold up.
Am I in La Cunada High School again?
Hold up.
Are we some of the only people that'll drive an Acura Integra in 1996?
I'm like, hold up.
Hold up.
My Netflix is Koreaned out.
I'm like, hold up.
Am I the only race that still uses hair gel? I'm like, hold up. Am I, am I the only race that still uses hair gel? I'm like,
hold up. Am I wearing, am I still wearing Polo Ralph Lauren? I'm like, hold up.
Do I have Arnett sunglasses? I'm like, hold up. Do I have a picture of my girlfriend on my dashboard in my car or a picture of me in my car
in my wallet
I'm like haul up
I'm like
haul up
I watched one series
and the fucking Netflix shit
just made my
homepage Korean, dude.
I'm like, hold up.
They even brought other Asian shit in there.
It wasn't just Korean, which shows that fucking I'm watching another one.
I'm realizing, all right, let's play.
All right, let's play the algorithm game.
Let's play it.
Let's play it, Netflix. I'm a I'm realizing alright, let's play, alright, let's play the algorithm game, let's play it, let's play it, Netflix, I'm a
hula boy, but let's play it!
So I played the shit,
and I'm fucking halfway through one of the first
episodes on this new show, and I find out it's Japanese,
dude! And I'm like,
oh, dude, your algorithm's
racist!
They all look the
same, huh?
Huh, streaming service? They all look the same huh huh streaming service they all look the same
and you ask why i'm a fucking activist on red dead redemption 2
because there's injustices out there i can't believe you listen to fucking npr when we're
talking about the hard-hitting issues here on Congratulations the Podcast.
We always talk about hard-hitting issues on the Congratulations Podcast.
Previously on Congratulations.
Kings and queens and fucking presidents alike.
Everyone's just sat on that toilet just grumping.
Just taking a fucking grump.
See?
Anyway, dude.
We have a good time.
And it's honestly not even that hot right now.
Maybe it's because it's fucking cooler outside.
I got the fan going on in the corner here.
It's the only room in the house that doesn't have air conditioning.
And it's fine, dude. You ever read a Danish word and think that
you're having an aneurysm? I did it. Speaking of Red Dead Redemption, I tried to find the
fucking Arabian horse. Pissing meing me off dude it's in the snow and
of course it's white so it's hard to fucking see it and kristin's all like you're still up and i'm
like i'm looking for the fucking arabian horse arabian horse arabian horse and that's just me
fucking without warming up dude i've been yelling for the past 45 minutes
but right now i'm just like
all right you guys we're doing it we did honestly dude i just cut because i wanted to look at
misconnections i didn't even have to cut dude I did not even have to cut there is a cut
There but I'm telling you we cut out about
Fucking nine seconds and all I did
Was google misconnections
And this was the first one that I
Got okay Home Depot
First of all it's called
Alright
And it says
Saw you at Home Depot
In the hardware section and couldn't help but notice the impression you were making, quote unquote, south of the border.
At the Sanuendo.
Shortly after that, I went to the John to let out some of the coffee I had that morning and not going to win her over.
Wait, no, this is probably a dude on dude, right?
Yeah. Not gonna win him over. Actually dudes don't give a fuck, man. Hey, I'm going to evacuate my
bowels. Want to BJ? Sure. That's a dude. Those are two dudes. Dude. Hi, just threw up all over everything would you like anal absolutely um uh i took a urinal next to yours and as i
started to drain my bladder you i mean this guy's draining a lot huh let that coffee out and drain
my bladder oh he's not talking about shitting oh i thought he was talking about shitting because
coffee makes me and never mind um you turned and showed me your tool
just say it
just say it at this point
just say it
someone came in
and you left I was in mid stream
so I had to finish up before
I could go I looked for you
but you were gone
if you see this please reply
I'd like to talk and see more.
See is in caps.
We got it.
So if you're not him and going to reply,
I don't mind.
Oh, a fucking hoe bag.
A male hoe bag.
Just let me know what area you're in.
Yes, I'm still looking for him.
Do not contact me with unsolicited services or offers.
Dude, hey, man, just write this.
Any dudes around for fucking?
This guy led with the whole,
yeah, so I saw you at Home Depot and had to drink coffee.
What are you saying?
Because then he's like, by the way, even if you're not this guy, let's get on all fours.
Hey, guy.
What does do not contact me with unsolicited services.
That's all you want.
Hey, dude, this guy.
I really want to fuck but also anyone but make sure if you're anyone
not to solicit me hey dude doesn't make any sense wow man
i love it, dude. Oh, wow.
I love these ones.
You used to come over.
Like, dude, what did you never take his fucking number?
It's so easy to find someone in this day and age.
When did they used to come over?
In 1982?
He dead now.
Hey, the guy who's trying to read this,
he's dead now.
Because just Google.
Man missing his buddy, it says.
You used to come over to my place and you would unclog the drain.
Hey, guy, just say it.
Just say you used to pork my anus or suck my off.
You don't have to say unclog the drain If this was you
Or you think you'd like it to be
Let me know
Hey
You could just rewrite this to
Any guy out there up for fucking
If this was you
Or you think you'd like it to be
Let me know
I've missed you so
You've missed anyone?
Do not, again, with the do not contact me with unsolicited services or offers.
Hey, guy, that's all you're doing.
Hey, if you're the guy I'm talking about, great.
If you're not, cool.
But if you're not, don't write.
Dude, the guy's dead now. You're not. Don't write. Dude.
The guy's dead now.
Because it's so easy to keep your fucking...
So great, dude.
Here's one.
Table manners.
Redondo Beach. Eh. here's one table manners redondo beach eh it's just pretty normal for
table manners i i can't believe you didn't i did not ask you two ladies to join me for a ring
to drink friday night you both are stunning i hope to see you and we can have a drink sometime
do not contact me with unsolicited services in office. Oh, house,
house sitting. Whoa. Oh, oh. House sitting and looking for another dude to mess around with. I'm dressed up as a sexy Latina today. Always looking for side work.
Wait, hold on. This one looked like it could be good. Armenian, Armenian and WeHo guy.
What's up in WeHo and looking for some company.
Me, 5'8", 170 pounds.
Send pic, please.
Straight to the point.
Look at these.
I saw you at the market, Downey.
You were the girl looking at my package,
but did not get your number.
I'm the tall latino oh you did all right wait he sent me
some here we go misconnections number one orange guy a tall lady on a turtle walk
that's what it's the fucking title a tall lady on a turtle walk are you sure she was tall or did she just look tall
because she was walking a turtle should have said hello we have similar taste in leisure activities and automobiles what is a similar
leisure activity as walking a turtle yeah i like to walk my lizard i walk my polar bear
do not contact me with unsolicited hey dude how much is this just a guy that saw a hot chick and they made eye contact by mistake on her
part.
And he's like,
Oh,
that's crazy,
man.
I would love to walk a turtle.
I had a buddy like that.
He'd always be like,
yeah,
man,
I would never do this with a chick.
And then he'd be like,
well,
you know,
it turns out actually really like it just because some girl fucking liked
him that did it.
Oh my God.
The fucking title of this one missing
missing a lady to eat out
gross so crass my dad listens to every episode and now has to hear that
missing a lady to eat out ride offered from to Huntington beach. You come over to me.
I come over to you or we can do it in my car. Single white guy is here in good shape.
Ride offered from OC to LA. Weird, weirdly made it about the ride, you know,
Weirdly made it about the ride, you know?
Like, let's not forget, yeah, I definitely like to go downtown, but I also need to go downtown.
Let's not forget I need an actual ride.
Yes, of course, you know, I'd like it to be boner inducing, but also I actually need, or just likes driving people.
I don't even know if he's the one.
Oh no, he's offering the ride.
Jesus Christ.
Weirdly about the ride, huh?
All right.
Well, I guess those are, those are good ones.
We brought back a misconnections.
Maybe we'll keep going.
Keep, keep going.
Uh, next time.
I know you guys have been really want me to do it. At least a lot.
I get a lot of comments.
Wow. I like this one. Llama a lot, get a lot of comments. Wow.
I like this one.
Llama Lyra.
And then is the title.
And then the subject Llama Lyra.
Where are you?
Hey, but who are you?
It's not a misconnection.
If you're just like, Hey, you know,
Wow.
This is crazy that this is a real thing that people do tj maxx cerritos i saw you in line at tj maxx this friday afternoon the one located by cerritos mall you were the one you were the girl
with the ram tattoo on the back of your neck i'm the guy who was wearing a green long sleeve plaid
shirt and carhartt cap wow so descriptive so descriptive. I guess you have to be.
We exchanged glasses, and I wanted to ask you for your number,
but I was also in a bit of a hurry.
If you're interested, email me and describe what you were wearing.
You never know.
I might be the love of your life.
Eh, it's a crepe.
Hey, God bless.
Oh, boy.
Oh, wait.
What is this?
I was nauseous coming out of Titan
Y'all watched Venom
There were two of you
I saw y'all coming into and out of our respective 8pm movies
Me, Titan E, you, Venom
Let there be carnage
You said y'all watched Raw just yesterday.
Dr. Naru's mind is so astute and poetic and gnarly.
Do y'all go to the movies a lot?
Do you want a friend to watch shit with?
I'm new to LA, and just to be clear, I have a boyfriend,
but I just want some pals to scream about movies with.
Whoa, this guy's just looking for literal movie buddies.
Wow.
The world's a crazy thing, eh?
Okay.
Well, that's it, maybe.
We're done, huh?
Is that good?
Okay.
You guys, that's great.
Go to the christhalia.com
to get this shirt here
that I'm wearing.
Make friends in the comments.
And don't forget to make friends
in the comments below this video.
You guys,
you hear somebody
getting heated in the comments. You fucking ask them out to lunch dude they
need it or ask them where they're from say hey anybody else from huntington beach maybe i could
get a ride down to oc or fucking downtown la and you know what i mean um but uh you guys are great
thank you very much and we got the new life rip stuff in the new colorway. Patreon saw it first, uh, sign, uh, sign up
for our Patreon, patreon.com slash Chris
D'Elia.
And also, um, the, uh, the Flex Avenue shit.
I've been having a lot of fun on Red Dead
Redemption too.
So follow me over on Flex Avenue on Twitch.
That's the end of the episode on YouTube.
But if you'd like to catch the rest of the
episode, all you got to do is go over on, over
on, over on to our Patreon, uh, Patreon,
Patreon.
You know what I'm trying to say?
Go on over to our Patreon and you can catch the rest of the episode. Patreon.com
slash Chris D'Elia.
You get all of the
You get all of the rest of the episode.
You get extended bonus episodes
and you get a bonus episode
a month and
the segment review mode that I host
and a bunch of other behind the scenes stuff
and we do stuff.
There's a Discord watch-along party.
But you guys can do all that over at patreon.com slash chrysalia.
And if you don't, keep on watching on YouTube and like and subscribe.
We appreciate it.
Thanks, guys. Congratulations.
Congratulations.
Congratulations. that's that one right all right cool hey i'm all over it