Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 226. Remain In That Chill Zone

Episode Date: December 15, 2021

🎟 Catch the uncut/extended episodes ad/commercial free +1 entire bonus episode per month + Discord watchalongs & exclusive content over on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia In this week's episode Chris shares his love for the show Gomorrah, discusses the Web 3.0, meets Jeremy Fragrance, and lays a truth bomb of self actualization on us all. 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Shop deals on electronics, home, and more this Prime Day, July 16th and 17th. Hey guys, and welcome to another episode of Congratulations. Crazy. Crazy're here. We are here. We are back with another episode. Baby, and I have this stuck in my head. Baby shark do do do do do do. Baby shark do do do do do do. Baby shark do do do do do do. Baby shark. stuck in my head head baby shark baby shark baby shark baby shark because calvin was watching it and he has a shirt that has a button on it that my aunt got him and he presses the button and every time he presses the button on that shirt that's what it does it's driving me insane but it's all good because it makes him happy as shit and when he he's done, he goes more, more, more.

And he's just starting to round that R off afterwards. He's starting to go more, more. And it's very, very cute. And that's it. But I am definitely getting the baby shark song stuck in my head. So that's all good. And it's fine. Was a little bit nauseous the other day.

And that's all good. And it's fine. Got through it. Worked out. Worked it out. And it's all good. Worked out fine. Got through it. Worked out. Worked it out. And it's all good. Worked out. Did a lot of fucking crunches and did some crazy chin-ups.

Sorry, strong guys. I broke your hearts. And we're off and running, dude. It's another week in the congratulations world. We're doing a world, dude. It's like the fucking, what do you call it? The Avengers. The Avengers and the Marvel Universe.

That's what it is. It's the congratulations universe. That's what we're going to do do I don't know how to do the break off characters though or the side characters because it's only me always on congratulations but I'll figure it out somehow somehow not some high because that's not what I meant to

say but yeah go if you love supporting the show patreon.com slash crystal if you'd love to support the show that's awesome you get all of the episodes uncut, extra episodes a month and all without ads and that's $6

right there. Just sign up, patreon.com slash Chris D'Elia. Or you can go to merch. We got, sorry, strong guys, we got the worldwide life rips. It's very hard to say. We've got the OG life rips colorway and all that shit, the tie-dyed shit and some hats. And, dude, it's just like I'm a fashionista, baby, you know?

What's that thing when it goes, change clothes and, what's the last part? Never knew. We'll never know, dude, when Jay-Z does it. Change clothes and, and bone and go. Change clothes and, that's what it is now change clothes oh hove jay-z laughs like he woke up from a bad dream um so anyway i'm here and, uh, and it's all good, dude. But yeah, so congratulations. Um, and, uh, I was fucking, I'm dude, I've been, let me just tell you this. I've been watching this new show called Gamora.

It's not new, new to me. Yes, dude. Not new, but new to me. It's called Gamora and it's Italian. It is fucking straight up Italiano. And these Italians don't fuck around, man. I'm telling you right now, this show is so good. It's so good. Everyone says Sopranos is the fucking best

and it is one of the best. But dude, I put on Gamora and it's about the mafia in Italy. And dude, I mean this fucking thing. So the whole first season, three days, dude. And these fucking Italians bark at each other, dude. I need to get more Italian, man. I need to get way more Italian than I am.

That's the thing. I need to get way more. Because I'm, you know, I'm Italian, right? I'm from fucking New Jersey. My dad's from Queens. And his dad's from Bari, Italy. And it's just, dude, I need to get fucking. They bark at each other, man.

They talk so close to motherfuckers. This was before COVID when they shot this thing, but they talk so close. And they're touching each other, dude. They're practically kissing each other. And that's two men, dude. And it's so heterosexual. They really ride that line, that heterosexual, homosexual shit, the Italians, man. And they're all tanned as shit. And one guy, dude, this is the Italian, bro. They make fucking

shows that are so good. This show is so good. It's beautiful, man. Even Kristen, I was watching with Kristen. Kristen looked over to me. She was like, these shots are really beautiful. And dude, she's not one to fucking say that, but this shit Gamora, dude, it's so, it is so good. It's so good. You know what, dude? I'm going to tell you right now. It's so good that I follow the lead actor on Instagram and he never posts anything in English. Italiano.

Fuck yeah, dude. It's so good, man. You guys got to watch it if it's on HBO Max. HBO Max coming in hot. They are the fucking, maybe the best streaming service. It is so good. Now, you know I'm a Hulu boy. You know I'm a Hulu boy because I love fucking, what's his name?

The fucking, Ramsey, Gordon Ramsey. Yes, dude. I got the name quicker than I normally would because I went from fucking 300 milligrams of gabapentin and I fucking weaned it back to 200 milligrams of gabapentin. And then last night I took 100 milligrams of gabapentin. If I didn't, then guess what, dude? I would still not know that his name was Gordon Ramsay, but I got it, dude. My mind's back.

My mind's back. So I'm watching this show and on HBO Max, HBO Max really be coming on to some fucking hot shit, dude. They really be putting out some hot shit. HBO Max, they're putting it with Gamora. HBO Max, they're putting it with that fucking one generation hustle. They'd be really putting out some hot shit. They put it 15 minutes of shame,

could only watch about 20 minutes of it because it was triggering, but they really put out some hot shit, dude. And I'm fucking loving it, man man but i'll tell you this though this show gamora this is how the italians do it first of all the shots are beautiful second of all it's like she's when we were watching the first season and she was just like why is everybody like what's going on they're just killing people shooting them in the head and i go like this it clicked i go like this you know what it's like it's like Game of Thrones, only my type of shit, because it's with Italianos and not fucking dragons. You know what the first season of Gamora and the first season of Game of Thrones have in common? No dragons, dude. You understand? Oh, Game of Thrones,

that show about dragons? Really? Watched three seasons. Where are the fucking dragons? Okay? If the show's about dragons, have the dragons up front dude like i always say put a fucking demon in it man and hurry it up i'm sick of watching these fucking movies that are either feel good or about some woman finding themselves and they're just like at a campsite for fucking two and a half hours and you gotta watch it like fucking beelzebub's not in this movie and you got to watch it. Hollywood's really playing itself. But let me tell you, dude, Hollywood, Italy, forget it.

I'm watching Gamora and dude, here's what the fucking Italians do. First of all, the shit is so, bro, this is the thing that they really do really well. First of all, everyone, you think someone's a main character, then they're all of a sudden not a main character. As a matter of fact, in the first season, they think somebody's a main character. You think, oh, this guy's going to be a good guy. He's really charismatic.

You like the guy. Boom, he's off. You're like, okay, don't know what the show's going to be about, but already you've jumbled up my expectations. All right? So these Italians are looking at each other, talking to each other. And you're just sitting there. Okay. Four or five or six episodes in the main

character has to go to Honduras, Honduras to try and fucking do some shit. He basically is not in the show for two episodes. The main character leaves to go to Honduras to try to figure out a deal with the other Italian mafia family. Then he comes back in two episodes.

And let me tell you something, dude. He comes back in two episodes. He is a different person. He is so, he's lost a bunch of weight. Like this guy just did it in what well how long does it take to do an episode nine days so that's 18 days in 18 days the guy lost like fucking 35 pounds came back with a mohawk and stubble and the dude looked hot as shit and and and he was a different person now this italiano what's his name dude the lead in fucking gamora

i don't know but i follow him Instagram. And he is so fucking good. All of these actors are so good. And guess what, dude? None of them are fucking crying. That's the kind of act that I want to do. I want to be in a real drama with zero crying. Everyone's always crying in the American dramas, dude. Fuck all that. Bottle it up. And Italianos are the most emotional fucking people on the planet but when they're acting they bottle it up oh your fucking husband died oh what happened your kid flunked out of college oh what happened you lost your legs that's it dude bottling it up and guess who bottles it up even more dude the fucking women dude just walking in all buxom when their husband's dying don't tell a bunch of they don't give a fuck man buxomy shit but bottled up

it's insane Gamora really be hitting so he comes back he's practically a different person he's acting different but you still believe it that's how good of an actor he is it's not like when an actor comes back and he's doing it too much right like if an actor goes away for a season then comes back in a season and he's a changed man

in America you'd be like well he changed too much but this dude did it so subtly but also losing weight but doing it subtly but also having a Mohawk, but doing it subtly, but also going out to fucking six o'clock shadow, but also doing it subtly. And all of a sudden this guy's the fucking guy who's going to be taking over the whole fucking, the family. And it's beautiful, dude. But the thing I like about it too, is that the show is gray as shit.

Now I'm, I'm not going to, it's sepia, my babies. It's practically sepia, right? But I'm telling you right now, okay? Here's the thing. A lot of times movies will be sepia and I hate it. A lot of times movies will be the Nashville filter on Instagram and I hate it, right? A lot of times movies will be the Nashville filter on Instagram and I hate it right a lot of times

movies will definitely be the fucking Valencia filter on Instagram and your boy will hate it but the Italians made this shit sepia and gray a little bit and what did they do fucking eight episodes in what did they do episode eight episodes in everyone does everyone know Italianos you know what you're doing if you like because there's a very very big show there's a very big hit in that in italy what did they do the guy fucking says why is it all gray outside the guy says why is it all gray outside they own their shit they really came through dude they really came through that's the thing dude it's like when fucking aquaman is in other movies, the guy Jason Momoa. Aquaman's in so many movies and not once in any of the movies that Jason Momoa is in,

somebody stops and says, holy shit, you're fucking huge. Why wouldn't you do that? He's huge. He's obnoxious looking. He's built like a genie. Hey, dude, he's got pubic hair cascading out over his head. Dude, starting at his eyebrows, fucking poofing out straight, swooping up along over his head, and cascading down his fucking mountain ridge,

and nobody's mentioning it? He's just some guy in a convenience store in a movie? Nah. In Italiano? If Jason Mo-Mo-Mo-Moaini was in a fucking movie, dude? Oh, forget it, dude. He'd walk in and at times be like, Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo- mo-Mo-Mo- mo-Mo-mo-Mo-mo-Mo-mo-Mo-mo-Mo-mo-Mo-mo-Mo-mo-Mo-mo-Mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo- They don't give a fuck because they bottle it up. And you guys sit out there and fucking listen to NPR, dude. Let my whole asshole.

It's just like, come on, dude. These fucking American shows and everyone wants me to watch Secession and they're fucking showing me Gamora, dude. And Gamora comes up and they're fucking popping motherfucking family members in their heads dude like it's going out and getting a Reese's peanut butter cup the fuck out of town dude I gotta get more Italian I swear to god I'm gonna get fucking shirts that are too small for my upper body and then a jacket that's even smaller for my upper body. That's the most fucking Italian thing you could possibly do is wearing a fucking shirt that's too small, but a jacket over the shirt that's too small. That's even smaller than the shirt, dude. And even if you don't have a belly, the shit still pops out.

It's like you'd look better naked, but even still, you're fucking popping out looking like a stay puff. Like you look at fucking you look at like the stay puffed like you're looking fucking you're looking like the fucking the the guy who comes at the end of the ghostbusters movies and just fucking long genie shoes with a buckle on it such bad style but fuck will they cap each other oh man and fucking this guy is in it and he's bald and he's rocking the bald look And my brother and I texted To the group chain I said hey look

Vin Dieselini is in it And I fucking laughed I laughed for about I laughed just on and off until I went to sleep that night Vin Dieselini Vin Dieselini If you're friends are you family Vin Dieselini He's good though, dude.

Fuck. Fuck, I want to do one of those fucking real goddamn. You know what, dude? I don't even need Hollywood. I want to go to Italy and just become a fucking good. I need to learn the language. God, none of you. I love how listening to this podcast, none of you have watched this show.

And I'm still talking about it 14 minutes into this fucking podcast. And you're still, the people are listening that are still listening. Even though you have no reference point to what this show is, you're still listening. And those are the motherfucking homies, dude. That's who's in this cult. Those are the babies, dude. And we're going to be sitting in high grass, dude. Let's not forget that this is a cult.

All right. We share this podcast with other friends like the Mormons do. We go door to door, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. And we say, hello, I'd like to talk to you about that. And then we don't say the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but we say, here's a link to congratulations. I hope you enjoy it, dude. And we hope, we hope that they join us in the tall grass and they sit outside of a fucking log cabin and we share ideas. of a fucking log cabin and we share ideas. So yeah, dude.

It's like, go watch Gamora if you have HBO Max. I don't give a, whatever. Or don't. Or don't. It's all good. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure?

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That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. I was scrolling Instagram the other day as, you know, as we do. And I came up on this. This is where we're at. This is how, this speaks a lot to how confused I am and also where we are in this ridiculous world.

But also I don't want you to forget that I'm, I'm taking the blame on some of this. Like this isn't just, this isn't just weird. This isn't just me complaining about the world. It is not. This is how fast the world is moving and how 41 years old I am. Okay. So I am watching, I'm, I'm scrolling through Instagram and I find on Instagram, um, this thing, this picture that hype beast posts, um, and it's, and it's this, uh, scooter or not scooter. What is it like a, what's the Elon Musk quad? Is it a quad quad Elon Musk? It's, and it's, and it's being sold for $1,900. No, not that, not the, yes.

Yeah. The quad thing. Yeah. The quad thing, whatever the fuck. Right. Yeah. The quad thing. Yeah. The quad thing, whatever the fuck. Right. Okay. Now I see just a picture of this cyber quad electric ATV and it's supposed to be, uh, yeah.

So I see this picture and it says you can buy it for 1900 bucks and I look at it and I'm looking at this picture and it's got a black background and it looks so futuristic. You know, it looks like something that belongs in demolition, man, that you'd watch in the nineties and you'd be like, wow, are they really going to make those one day? And then here it is on my Instagram page. And I'm like, oh, you can buy it though. And then I'm like, oh, and I'm looking at it and dude, I had to get out of the app and Google, Google it because I wasn't sure by looking at the Instagram picture and by reading the description, if it was a fucking NFT or not.

Like I, we're at the point in the world where I'm looking at something that, that they are saying you can purchase and i don't even know if it's a tangible thing anymore how unbelievable is that guys who are even older than me like if i brought this up to my dad he would be like oh would you see it on friendster like he wouldn't even understand he barely understands instagram and then i'm doing all sorts of fucking research and looking at this fucking metaverse and shit. And it's like, okay, so I buy a nice shirt. Think about this. I buy a nice shirt.

Say it's $3,000. I've never spent that much on a shirt, but I buy a shirt that's $3,000 and I want to wear it. And I want to wear it where I don't want to wear it at home. I want to wear it out. Why? Because it's nice. And I want people to wear it, and I want to wear it where? I don't want to wear it at home. I want to wear it out. Why? Because it's nice, and I want people to see it, and I want people to know that either, you know, if I'm of a certain mind, either that I have money

or I have fashion sense or that I know what's hip. Any one of those things, maybe I just think it makes me look slender, whatever the fuck it is, right? Now there's the metaverse where what's his name uh travis scott had a a a show there and like 25 000 people came but they went with their like they just went to this web 3.0 and they just watched the concert on travis scott is doing on the internet. So they weren't actually there, but they all bought tickets and they can be like, yeah, I was at that concert. That's what they're fucking doing nowadays. Right. This is the first time that they did it, I think, but

people can, we're getting to the point where you can buy outfits for your avatars or your, um, you can go into some of these video games and you can literally buy outfits for some of your characters that you're manipulating in the video game, right? And there are monetary values on each one of those outfits. You could buy a shirt for whatever. I don't know what they're going for, but $60 or $80. Now, why would you buy anyway? It's not really you, but okay, you want to flex on the people that are in the game, which are essentially the people that are playing the game. So I go back to me buying that shirt that's in fashion or expensive. And I wear it on stage. So people will know. I take a picture of that and I put it on Instagram. Now you have 2 million

people that follow me that see that I have that shirt, right? And they say me and that shirt. A lot of those people I'll never meet. I'll never have a conversation with. They'll never meet me. They'll never have a conversation with me, but they see I'm at a certain level, right? I'm at this level. If you buy one of these quad, these cyber quads, how many people are going to see you riding around them?

You're going to feel a little bit cool because you're in a cyber quad. Maybe you're a tech geek, but maybe you just want it to have it. We're all buying these things because of the extension of who you are now, which is fine. So when I started to think about it like that, I'm like, this metaverse is fucking onto something. I didn't understand NFTs, but why not buy something that doesn't exist? Why the fuck not? Most money, especially if you have it, is electronic anyway. You don't fucking see it. You don't hold it. So what's wrong with fucking Bitcoin? What's wrong with these people saying, oh yeah, but the fucking coins are going to crash. Maybe, maybe not.

People bought a fucking pet rock in the, what was it? The eighties? They sold the pet rock. And the only reason why they were able to sell it is because people were buying it. And there will always be those people. And we call them cooters here, but we all have a little bit of cooter in us, man. Those barracudas snap to those shiny objects. They can't wear them.

A barracuda can't wear a fucking bracelet, but they'll snap at one. That's who we all are, man. We are all barracudas in the metaverse. And that is some really deep shit. And I'm not the first person to think of it. This is why this whole thing fucking exists. The meta metaverse everyone can be everywhere any given time in this web 3.0 and that is fucking on absolutely unbelievable now let's give it a really subtle really calm breathtaking and a dick a sip too but that's fucking crazy huh people are flexing on instagram they're flexing on tiktok for all we know uh carly de georgio what the fuck's her name the fucking, always doing that renegade dance,

Tarly D'Amelio, D'Amelio, sisters, right? They don't exist. I don't know. Have you ever seen them? Some of these people, they don't exist. Dude, I saw somebody on Instagram once, and I saw people were following them. Oh, you're so fucking beautiful. You're so good. It came out, they don't, it came out. They don't exist, dude. It was somebody that was made. It was a rendering of a person that they made and it wasn't even a real person.

And people are out there. Some of them don't know, but some of them know. And they're still like, they're beautiful. I don't give a fuck. It's really wild. Are you going to get a cyber quad? I want to get one. I want to get one.

You do? Oh, it's sold out. Yeah, no, I know, but they'll make more. It's sold out immediately. Of course it's sold out immediately, but they'll make more. Dude, I never get the shit when it first comes out anyway.

I can't be the guy that's fucking waiting. I don't even get like on the Nike apps. I don't even, I've never, I've never won. I never won on that because I'm always too late. I'm like, I'm like at least 10 minutes late. And it's like, oh, it sold out four days ago. I'm like, but it just came out 10 minutes ago. But yeah, dude, everybody wants, Elon Musk got the Doug haircut.

Huh? You saw that? He just saw that fucking, he got that Doug haircut. Elon Musk just said, shave the sides. Like he was in fucking like, like, you know, who did that? He just saw that fucking, he got that Doug haircut. Elon Musk just said, shave the sides. Like he was in fucking, like, you know who did that? The fucking lead character in Gamora that I was talking about earlier. He just cut it, dude. That's awesome to cut your hair like that.

Everyone makes fun of it, but who gives a shit? He's basically Kanye West. They're all the same, dude. Kanye West just got a fucking haircut. He cut zigzags into his whole fucking head. And Elon Musk was like, I got you. Let me one- up it. I'll cut all the sides off. That's it. It's bonkers. You see this Seth Rogen movie that's coming out the fucking, uh, um, Christmas movie that's claymation where it's about two. This is how just backwards. And like,

dude, I i think you know seth rogan's funny and shit and like the fucking stuff he makes he makes some good movies i'm this is like no knock or anything like that but i just think that once you're in that hollywood machine you start doing things and just doing them like i always say if you become too much of who you are then that's bad if people are just yesing you, then that's just, and you're getting everything from it. You lose sense of who you are. It's like, um, it's like, uh, uh, how I always say, uh, you know, Nicholas Cage, when he first started, he was just like, Oh, you know? And then later on, he just, now he's just, Oh, and everyone's like, he's a bad actor, but he's not, he's earned the

right to get that. But also no director was telling him to shut the fuck up and stop doing that. So how could you blame him? Right? It's not Nicolas Cage's fault. I happen to fucking watch him because he's really eccentric and I love him. But it's like, my point is you got to have people in there that fucking check you. You got to have friends that'll be like, what are you doing? Dying your hair purple or whatever the fuck it is.

Right? You got to check these motherfuckers otherwise you're just yes good job yes good job good job and they become roar and then they're that fucking version of their roar and it's like oops too late too late it's like fucking rampage and they're climbing on buildings now so my point is i think this was this movie for fucking seth rogan he does this movie that is a claymation movie about christmas christmas which is fine but then it's like hey why can't a girl be santa claus and this girl comes along and she's like i want to be santa claus but so far santa claus

have only been old white men and it's like is this kids? And they say fucking it a lot. So who's going to watch it? Adults? It's claymation. Who's going to watch it? Adults? Claymation? And it's a Christmas movie? You're not going to watch it?

I'm not going to watch it with Cal? Who's it for? So you got Seth Rogen playing a Santa. And then the girl, like, I want to be Santa too. And I'm sure she becomes Santa by the end of the show. But it's like, you could be Santa if you want to. Anyone could be Santa if you want to be santa too and i'm sure she becomes santa by the end of the show but it's like you could be santa if you want to anyone could be santa if you want to now here look i don't give a fuck if santa is a woman i don't care if a santa is a small one small person i don't care if santa is black i don't give a shit you know why santa's not real but my point is these people are just

making movies to i shouldn't say these people i, I should say Hollywood is making movies that fits an agenda that tries to make this, these 10,000 people happy because they don't want to be fucking taken down. And you can't do that because the majority doesn't give a fuck. The majority is not going to watch this shit. And the majority is going to be like, but Santa's white. Now, Santa doesn't exist. fuck the majority's not gonna watch this shit and the majority's gonna be like but santa's white now santa doesn't exist so it's not white black or asian or indian or whatever the fuck it is but it's like you can't make everybody happy and if you try to you're just gonna fail and that's why the movie has one percent on rotten tomatoes or whatever the fuck is my point. Also, they say that if you're, I mean, they were getting mad at the lady that, that played Harriet Tubman because she was British. She was a black woman, but she was British. And they were like, Oh, what does she

know? She's not an American black woman. So now it's getting so specific, but then they fucking let a Jewish person be Santa Claus, which is, again, fine by me. I don't give a shit. But if you're going to adhere to the rules, then adhere to the fucking rules. If you made the rules, fit in the rules. You can't make the rules and then all of a sudden sidestep the rules like you're fucking Neo. You're not the one motherfucker

it's silly it's silly it's fucking silly that's why i'm every day happier and happier that you fucking listen to me and i got no fucking agenda dude dude. I'm just chilling. I'm just chilling. Sign up for my Patreon, patreon.com slash christolea, or don't, dude. I'm chilling. I'm fucking chill. I'm in the chill zone, dude. And people are like, oh, he was canceled.

I posted TikTok. Weren't you canceled? Yeah. Now what? I'm chilling, dude. So I posted a fucking TikTok. Somebody said, weren't you canceled? I said, yeah.

Now what? And then everyone wrote, oh, that didn't go how you planned on to the other person who commented on me. And they got so fucking insecure that they deleted my comment to their comment, but left theirs up, dude. Internet TKO. Dude. Just be yourself. Be yourself. Don't change who you are.

Don't be who you think you're going to be. Right. That was my problem. I wanted to be the person that everyone was thinking I should be. Right. Not anymore, dude. Not Calvin's dad. That's not that motherfucker.

I was getting everything in the fucking, uh, that the, that the industry gives you. And I was becoming a certain way that I thought, right. I was living that crazy life, dude. And now I'm Calvin's dad, dude. That's it. I don't give a fuck. That's why I say I'm in the chill zone. You understand? I played with my son all day. We did all sorts of crazy shit. Like I had a fan,

I put a ball on top of the fan. The ball was spinning around floating and he was like getting so excited. I pointed the fan at the ball. The balls went rolling. I fucking, he, he, he, he took, he took mommy's fucking study sheets that are about that big. And, and he, and, um, you know, she's in therapy school and she, and he took, uh, he took those pieces of papers and he was like that, that, that, that. And he ran over, he tried to put them on the tree. And I was like, you know what you're doing? You're decorating the fucking Christmas tree. Just like I was, dude. He was putting all sorts of fucking study papers on the fucking Christmas tree walking around. He couldn't do it. So he go, help, help, help. Dude, do you think I did it for him? Do you think I did it for him? Oh, that would be what a good dad does.

Sure. But I didn't. I handed it back to him and I said, you can do it. He cried a little bit and then he fucking put it and it worked, dude dude that's the chill zone that's the fucking chill zone so when somebody comes to me and they want to say hey Chris do you want to voice a cartoon whale and

fucking Glover Donald Glover's in it I go I'm actually all good though I'm in the chill zone. If you're you, nobody could take that away from you, dude. Nobody could take away you being you. They can take away you being the idea of you, but you're you, dude. God damn it.

I hope you fucking listen. And I hope especially you listen if you're a fucking Gen Z-er, dude. I just, I see everybody, you know, it's like, this is the thing I see is like, oh yeah, what do weak people make hard times and then hard times make uh strong people and then strong people make fucking um good times and it's a cycle right and it's been that way for hundreds of thousands of years and fucking uh somebody posted on instagram the other day but it was so it's fucking true dude and right, we are in the situation of the fucking weak people and the hard times. The weak people make the hard times and we're fucking,

we're forging ahead though, dude. And I say we, because it's all of us. It's you and me, man. If you're a pussy, you're still in this. You're going to become one of the strong motherfuckers

or you fall to the wayside. And I hope you do. I hope if you do you have a good time in the fucking metaverse because that's all anyone's going to give a shit about you in this guy i get okay look you guys told me i should make fun of the island boys i didn't want to but i did it. It went fucking stupid viral. All right. Put it on TikTok. I made like $25 in one day on TikTok from the fucking creator account. All right. Crazy shit. I was making stacks and going dummy viral because did what you asked for.

Now, this is the other thing that I get asked to make fun of all the time. I have not seen this video yet, but I know the name of the guy because people keep writing him to me. His name is Jeremy Fragrance. I have no idea what his deal is. I think that he's like a guy who sprays cologne on himself or something. And I didn't really, I think I saw a clip of a video. I didn't really love it, but I'm going to watch this one because one fire says I have to see it. Okay. And the last one I don't talk so much about is Perry Alice 360 Reds.

I love it, man. it's the dildo of the fragrance industry okay so hold on this guy rates fragrances is that the deal yeah okay and he's got so many colognes in the back shelf like so many fucking colognes like it looks like a cologne store maybe he has a cologne store i have no fucking idea but if you haven't seen this guy and you're just listening to this uh podcast you podcast, you don't need to Google him. Cause you know what he looks like? Exactly how you're imagining him. Okay.

So we did that. So we did that. And if you're watching, we have a little picture for you. So here we go. And this is what he, now let me just start this over. Okay. Is the dildo of the, he doesn't even use the fucking analogy, right? Like he's saying it cause it looks like a dildo of the he doesn't even use the fucking analogy right like he's saying it because it looks like a dildo what he should be saying is if you spray it on yourself it makes it makes the you

know the down south region get a little bit plentiful but he doesn't say that and the last one i don't talk so much about is perry alice 360 reds i love it man it's the dildo of the fragrance industry and yeah it's not so funny, actually. Still don't know how to talk about the topic of masturbating. Oh, wasn't. Oh, wasn't. Yeah, so about this fragrance, it's really nice. It's long and it looks like a cock.

Boy, I don't know how to talk about masturbating. Hey, you hit it head on. Nobody was even fucking with you, this is a monologue and the third line in you're talking about the thing that you don't want to be talking the worst imagine him as a bank robber well i certainly didn't do it with daniel uh can we get daniel in no no i said he i said we didn't He doesn't own two guns and they're not under his bed Let's start it over again I mean, Jesus Christ, dude Guess if his fucking button, his shirt is buttoned down way too much

And has a cross The last one I don't talk so much about is Perry Ellis 360 Red I love it, man It's the dildo of the fragrance industry And, yeah It's not so funny, actually. Still don't know how to talk about the topic of masturbating. Difficult, man.

I do it, but I don't cum. Oh! Oh! Oh! Why? That early? I do it and I don't come. Why you offering that up?

Hey, guy. Figure it out, though. By yourself. Hey, guy. This is the World Wide Web. by yourself hey guy this is a the world wide web and you're just hawking fragrances this isn't only fans this is this is not porn hub let's just roll and just the roller coaster of this ride how hot it starts below the ground and how it just scoops up. Talk so much about is Peri-Alice 360 Reds. I love it, man.

It's the dildo of the fragrance industry. And yeah, it's not so funny, actually. Still don't know how to talk about the topic of masturbating. That's fine. Difficult, man. I do it, but I don't come and you know it's like if I can be that honest but it's simply to boost my power type of vibe. All right ultimately of course I want to have a girlfriend and a wife turning that

girlfriend into a wife and have great kids. So that's Perry Ellis 360 Red. and have great kids. So that's Perry Ellis 360 Red. Dude, Perry Ellis 360 Red. Fucking, fucking, bro. The fucking sales off the charts after this guy. So here's the Perry Ellis 360 Red. It is a great, great fragrance.

It is the dildo. Oops. It is the dildo of the. Oopsie. Shouldn't have brought that up. Actually, silly me. I really get uncomfortable talking about masturbation. So I don't want to do that.

Actually, it's funny. It's not even really that funny. I do. So since we're on the topic, I do masturbate, but I don't come. Um, but yeah, it's actually makes it it's for the power, you know, it makes me to get power to have a girlfriend. Um, and then eventually have a wife and turned a girlfriend into the wife. Um, and they have great, great kids. Um, so that's, that's the fragrance like worst QVC guy. I'd rather be the guy who falls down the ladder and breaks his fucking discs.

Wow. This guy's unreal. And this guy left it up was it live let's listen to the whole thing again how did he do it how'd he do it and the last one i don't talk so much about is perry ellis 360 rats are you printing something out you what why are you printing shit out for oh my god dude she's printing shit out all right well it's going all right well it's a bad time to do it just just get it it's going like that during the fucking podcast i'm trying to do i'm in i'm in the middle of a killer bit and christened

the printer what was i even talking about? Oh, God. Let's replay this one last time. Just to fucking get the full-fledged fucking thing. No pauses, no breaks. And the last one I don't talk so much about. Okay, so what happened was we cut because Kristen had to fucking print something out for her presentation, which I had no idea was, which pissed me off, but it's all good. Learning how to control my anger in therapy all good got the techniques and the

techniques really do be hitting right now so it's all good and the last one i don't talk so much about is perry alice 360 red i love it man it's the dildo of the fragrance industry worst and just stop right there it's not so funny actually still don't know how to talk about the topic of masturbating difficult man why do you do it but i don't come and that part is the real that part is the real fucking banger right there like it's it's weird enough to be like i I talk, I feel weird talking about masturbation. We're like, okay, yeah, we get it. And he's like, you know, I do it, but I, I, and I don't come.

And we're just like, who the fuck? Like, what is it? Practice? Isn't masturbation practice for sex? And this guy's just practicing to practice. It's like those annoying guys in the fucking on deck circle. It's like, you know how to swing. What are you warming up?

Yeah, I guess this guy's warming up. I do it and I don't come. Wow, dude, that guy was so, um, so that's, what's up. That's what's been going on. Oh, here's another video from the guy. Oh, this guy, yeah. Does this have music on it, though? You do five sprays.

Oh, boy, here we go. How to apply a fragrance, you do five sprays. One behind each ear. Okay, already too much. One in front of your neck, on your clothes. That's two, but okay. And one on the back of your neck. I mean, so much.

Because if you walk around, you have a nice central behind you. You can spray this spot right here. You can spot this right here, but I don't suggest you for different reasons that I mentioned in other videos. Oh, my God. The way, first of all sprayed his literally it was like five different places to spray all five were on the neck imagine like being a girl and like then

like making out with him and like kissing his neck and just tasting a fucking department store i hate there's no there's no cologne, there's only perfume. Guys who wear perfume, it's just off. Dude, I go back to this day, my day when I was in high school and my uncle picked up one time, he picked up me and my buddy and me and two other buddies. And one of them had cologne on and we were driving for like 10 minutes and my uncle was driving.

He said, all right, who's killing me with the cologne? And honestly, I swear to minutes and my uncle was driving. He said, all right, who's killing me with the cologne? And honestly, I swear to God, his name was Jeremy, but it's not Jeremy Fragrance. It's a different Jeremy. He said, all right, who's killing me with the cologne? He had to open the fucking windows. He must have applied these five fucking spritzes. One on the neck, one on the front

of the neck, one on the side of the neck, one on the side of the neck, and then one on the back. So you leave a scent trail. Guys, just let me smell your pheromones. Men, women, let me smell your pheromones. Because some people are just very, very, very bad smelling. And I want to know that. You know what I mean? Talk about being who you think you should be. I want to know that. I get it. Deodorant is all good. Put it under the thing. Like I wear natural scented deodorant because your boy's all natural, dude. I've got no implants. I fucking uses minimal types of smell shits as I need to. I got the Nioxin shampoo, keeping the hair thick as shit, right? I got Nioxin level four,

keeping it thick as shit. Cause I don't want the shit to go bald because everybody goes bald, right? Mostly. Even chicks be losing their hair when they're older. But I'm trying to keep my shit to the fullest, maximum Chia Pet effect. So I got the Nioxin shit and the shit doesn't smell too much. It smells fine. I take the fucking, I forget what deodorant i have but it's all natural yeah it's a little bit powdery but it doesn't have aluminum in it you understand it has no

aluminum in it because your boy he doesn't want those chemicals chemicals unless of course he's eating lots of ice cream at night but he doesn't want you know i ate a little bit of gummy bears the other day but i don't normally eat candy that's processed in a lab i mean all candy is processed in a lab but you know what i mean at least a lot of this candy that I eat, I mean, not really candy. I don't eat candy, but like I eat stuff that's actually food, you know? Like gummy bears and sour worms. They don't make it to my diet mostly. It's chocolates and stuff and maybe some cakes, whatever, a cookie here and there.

But don't be, yeah. I keep it really natural, dude, because that's me. I'm trying to be me to the fullest effect. Like I told you, I'm trying to be Calvin's dad. I'm not trying to be, I am. It's like my dad always said, my dad would say, I say, when did you want to be a director? When did you know you want to be a director and make movies? And he said, I had to find out I was a director, right? He always says this type of thing. Like, Popeye doesn't want to be Popeye. Popeye is Popeye.

And that's the shit. But it's hard for people to realize when they're Popeye. Especially when you'd be spraying fucking five, drop your coat. Dude, we, in our cult, we don't wear fucking, we don't wear perfume or cologne. No BS, dude. No, no bullshit. My TMJ really fucking hurts. That's cool.

i push this one spot in my uh jaw and uh it hurts a lot really badly it's literally in my ear so it feels like i have an earache it's unbelievably you guys with tmj disorder know what i'm talking about dude if you push the area right before your ear forget forget it. It's absolutely fucking. And then I open it and it unlocks a little bit, but I can't keep it unlocked and it locks back down. So that's great. We're my TMJ dysfunction babies. Um, to this thing here.

Hmm. I was just checking out the news here uh this is from the av club a dancing cactus toy that raps in polish about cocaine withdrawal has been pulled from sale in walmart canada this is the weirdest fucking thing. Walmart puts, pulls, fuck it,

that swears in Polish and sings a, I just, how did, honestly, there's gotta be drugs in this thing like this is what it says the only thing in my head is five grams of cocaine fly away alone to the edge of oblivion oh my god dude in polish i have thoughts in my head when will will all this end? Whenever I'm not alone because a white eel will fly in. What dude? Oh my God, dude. First of all, there's gotta be drugs in this thing. Cause this, none of this makes any sense.

There's no cactuses cacti in Poland or Canada. This comes from Poland and is being sold, or it speaks Polish, is being sold in Canada to kids? Kids don't even know what a fucking cactus is in Canada. It's all fucking snowy and shit up there. It needs to be the driest of deserts. And this thing's like, hey kids, try not to do so much goddamn cocaine. Oh, you'll be on the edge of oblivion. It'll never end. This white eel will fly up my fucking nose. Walmart's Canada says

the dancing cactus was sold by a third party and that it's been removed from the online store. Considering that this is the same retailer that previously brought us a sweater with a bug-eyed Santa Claus ripping lines on it. We imagine it's only a matter of time before Walmart Canada delivers us another delightful

cocaine related scandal. What? Walmart would no longer allow us to enjoy its wacky wild cocaine Santa Claus sweater? This is... When was this, dude? This was... 2019.

Wow. Santa has a fucking... In Walmart? Fucking... It looks like a white, snowy Santa ripping snow cocaine with a fucking straw. And there are lines of fucking at Walmart. This is amazing.

In the long pop culture tradition, excuse me, I almost threw up, of Santa Claus doing inappropriate things, pissing himself between hearing children's wish lists murdering innocent people in any number of holiday themed slashers a sweater showing the jolly old fella racking up a few lines of cocaine hardly seems like a very big deal yet all the same walmart kind of what's fucking walmart canada hey walmart canada check check your goods also why does it always have to do with cocaine so fucking weird the sweaters description let's look at the sweaters description

oh they took it down god damn it okay they took it down of course they took it down god damn that's amazing dude the world's, that's amazing. Dude, the world's nuts. That's awesome. This is something that would happen in the 80s and kids would have it

and they would grow up and they'd be like, remember that fucking cactus thing? You know it was rapping about fucking doing coke, right? They'd be like, oh yeah, I had the sweater. Oh yeah, I'm realizing that now. And the kids would grow up, they'd be fine. They'd be tough.

They'd be tough. But now we got like all these, nah, take it from the shelves and now we're we're making everyone weaker you need those fucking you need those fuck up toys you know you need those toys that fuck you up this shit hurt when you fell down now everything's all padded oh man you know what i'm saying shit used to be dangerous shit used to be dangerous toys used to be dangerous as shit

they used to have fucking cages out that you put babies in outside of their window so they could get fresh air in apartments in New York they'd have a cage that was outside of the window like an air conditioner and you just put the baby in that cage and they would just be out there fucking

chilling looking all those kids grew up they're probably fucking goddamn uh it's probably elon musk they create fucking successful motherfuckers that move the society forward and now you can't even get a cocaine sweater at walmart well we're doing it to ourselves come on walmart all walmart had to do was be like, we know what the cactus fucking raps about. Do you want it or not? That's what they should have done, dude. That's what we need. Oh, man, Chris Cuomo.

How about that for being down for his brother? Just kind of like was like kind on his side and CNN was like, can't have it. Well, you knew it was going to happen. Now, that that's italian dude that's some motherfucking gamora shit for real this motherfucker's like i'm gonna help you but you know how many phone calls did they have that were just like you know we can't be fucking talking it just can't be nobody we gotta meet in person you know they loved it secretly too because they're italian the two cuomos were like we gotta meet in person don't We can't. We got to get off the line. Are you talking like that on the fucking line? You can't be mentioning these things on the fucking line.

Are you kidding me? Meet me at fucking Washington Square Park. Meet me behind the fucking dumpster outside of Ray's Picho. Which one is fucking 100,000? Are you saying it on the line? fucking a hundred thousand are you saying it on the line don't get a bunch of comes back with a different haircut and he's skinnier shit is different dude the como brothers fucking yeah man uh fucking they're both out now they're out they're out because somebody was just like yo i think this happened they're out now that's it

that's it no political career for fucking either of them and one of them can't be on cnn anymore it's crazy man what a crazy world people just accuse and you're gone but yeah dude wow thank god i'm not a politician huh fucking politicians or well fucking you know trump had a bunch nobody gave a fuck shit is crazy dude yeah it's fucking uh you know what do you do if you're in that situation is croma because chris croma's probably i know my brother i know he wouldn't do that shit and so he wants to help him but also he wants to keep his job but ultimately fit just like vindal vin diesel said it and just like vin Dieselini says it and thinks it in Gomorrah, there's nothing stronger than family, dude.

And that's what I want you to take home from this episode today. And just remember, dude, remain you in that chill zone, that zone of ultimate maximum chill, right? Because if you aren't, you're just the idea of who you are. You're not who you truly are. Hey guys, that's it for the episode. To catch the rest of the episode

with no ads and no commercials, commercial-free, uncut, extra-long episode, you can sign up for our Patreon, patreon.com slash chrislea. It's just six bucks. And also, there are back previous episodes that you cannot access on YouTube that are on my Patreon as well.

Every month, we put a new one out that is not available to the public. You're on our exclusive Patreon if you sign up today. Patreon.com slash chrislea. It makes a good Christmas gift too. So thanks. Bye. Congratulations.

Congratulations. Congratulations! Oh shit! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations motherfucking Bob! You scared the fuck out of me! I'm gonna fuck this motherfucker right in the motherfucking mouth! Motherfucker! It's difficult, man.

I do it, but I don't come.